#and Taylor is doing so much chaotic shit right now

[kingofmyborrowedheart]

I feel like I’m going to explode!

[darkmatilda]

𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 | 𝐬.𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: a spontaneous idea for a new year's eve party doesn't seem so brilliant anymore when there's so much to do and so little time left. and when the sound of fireworks wakes you up with flashbacks. but luckily, reid's right there with you. as always.

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬/𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐰: spencer x newbau!female reader, baking cookies together, the beginning is really chaotic, reader has a panic attack and flashbacks from time when she was a hostage (in my previous fic but there's no need to read it before. no major references as usual), mention of shooting. penelope garcia slaying. glasses read one more time (will i ever get bored of this?) a lot of jokes (successful i hope) most of the fic is very fluffy, inspired by new year's eve by taylor swift (i recommend listening to this song on repeat while reading)

𝐚/𝐧: this is probably one of my fav fics of mine, i literally cried while writing (because there's no one to clean up the bottles with me on new year's day)

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 6k

“Okay, I think we’ve got everything. Although, do you think we have enough types of cheese...?”

“There’s so much cheese it won’t even fit on one board, Pen.”

“Exactly, so maybe we should make two…”

“Hey, look. Do you think these glasses will work for champagne?”

“Two boards—one with cheese, more savory, and the other with…”

“Because I don’t think I have any others. Jesus, I need to wash these; they’re fucking sticky…”

“…and on the second one, we’ll arrange the cookies we’re going to bake…”

“Shit, the cookies. I’m not even sure if this oven works…”

“Wait, did we even buy olives? Fuck, how could we forget olives…”

“Screw the olives! Wash the glasses if you can, and I’ll check the oven…”

“What do you mean, screw the olives?! How the fuck are you supposed to make a cheese board without olives?!”

For about twenty minutes now, you and Garcia had been running around the kitchen in your house, talking over each other non-stop and hardly listening. A grocery bag sat unopened on the kitchen island, you hadn’t started preparing a single one of your overly ambitious snacks, and some pesky gremlin was doing flips on your shoulder, whispering tauntingly, you know it’s highly likely the milk in your fridge is expired, right?

Well, that’s just how it goes when you decide to throw a New Year’s Eve party spontaneously—on New Year’s Eve afternoon. Honestly, it was a fucking miracle so many people agreed to come. And once they said yes, there was no backing out. You had to organize everything: the food, decorating your house, outfits, makeup. With every passing minute, Penelope was transforming into a full-blown organizational beast, completely unsure what to tackle first. The two cute space buns on top of her head had fallen apart, leaving her blonde curls loosely cascading down her neck—not that she even seemed to notice.

You, on the other hand, were losing steam fast. All you wanted was to curl up in a ball on the floor and eat cheese without bothering to arrange it on a board in an aesthetic way. Two types of people under time pressure. 

To make matters worse, the doorbell rang.

“Coming!” you shouted, your voice so filled with irritation that, if you were in the visitor’s shoes, you’d have turned and run for your life. Quickly, you opened the fridge and sniffed the damned milk. No signs of spoilage, thank fuck. There was no way you had time to go back to the store…

You made it to the door, and halfway there, you realized you were still holding the open bottle of milk you had forgotten to put back. You sighed, turned around, and with a double dose of rage, anxiety, and sheer insanity, you finally opened the door.

"Hey," Reid greeted, standing on the doorstep. His glasses were perched on his nose, and his hair was slightly tousled from the rather strong wind that day. Without even looking at you, he pointed to the brown bag hanging from his shoulder. "So, about those board games, when you invited me, I decided to look something up online and ordered one that I think you'll like. It's inspired by the works of Jane Austen, and players take on the roles of characters from the Regency era..."

"Is someone trying to sell you something, or what?" You heard Penelope's voice from the kitchen.

"Anyway, I ordered it, but unfortunately, it didn’t arrive, so I just grabbed chess and..."

You could only manage a confused shake of your head.

"Reid, with all due respect, but what the hell are you talking about?"

He looked at you as if you’d asked him for the juicy details of raccoon marital life.

"You invited me over for New Year’s," he reminded you, frowning slightly, as if wondering whether he’d gotten something wrong—like the day, maybe. "Me and Garcia. We were supposed to play board games..."

Your mouth dropped open as you suddenly remembered he was absolutely right. You had invited him. For board games. And then forgot to cancel after you’d all decided to spend the evening in a completely different way.

"Give me just a second," you said, and without waiting for a reply, slammed the door in his face.

Then you screamed. Stomping your foot like a frustrated child. Why, oh why, did you have the memory of a goldfish? Forgetting literally everything, from buying those damn olives to canceling this meeting. Why did the last day of the year have to suck so much? Why couldn’t anything in your life just go smoothly?

"The plans have… slightly changed," you explained with an apologetic smile when you reopened the door. 

Reid rocked slightly on his heels, his hand clenched around the strap of his bag. He had clearly heard what happened after you closed the door and looked as though he was debating whether to hand you a note with the number of a good psychiatrist.

"But that doesn't mean I'm kicking you out," you assured him quickly. "I’m really, really glad you decided to come, seriously. So, sorry about how things turned out. But still—will you come in? Garcia's here."

He shrugged and followed you inside.

"What exactly does plans have changed mean?" he asked.

He didn’t look around the room—he’d been to your house countless times before. Lately, for the past few months, with an increasing frequency. But he did stare curiously at a disheveled Penelope, who was busy loading glasses into the dishwasher.

"Well, we met up for lunch," she began explaining without even turning to face him. You didn’t waste the little time you had either, pulling ingredients for cookies out of the fridge. "We talked a bit about Derek and Elle spending New Year’s Eve in the Maldives. And our princess here decided that she wasn’t going to spend the evening in a nerdy way, playing nerdy board games, with two nerds like us..."

"I didn’t say that!" you protested indignantly.

"...while they’re sipping cocktails on the beach and having a great time. And so, it turned out we’re throwing a party."

The explanation came to an end, and Reid listened to it all without much emotion on his face, something you caught out of the corner of your eye. But you didn’t expect him to be devastated. After all, it wasn’t as if you had canceled an event the two of you had been counting down to like prisoners marking days on their cell walls, eagerly awaiting freedom.

Standing by the kitchen island, he glanced at you, then at Garcia, then behind him, as if unsure whether he should stay or politely excuse himself and leave.

“You’re invited, by the way,” you clarified, because while you thought it was obvious, maybe it wasn’t so clear to him. “So, yeah, if you’re planning to come, you have no choice—you have to help me bake these cookies. Get with it.”

You tossed him one of the aprons. The other you began tying around your waist.

Reid caught the object you threw, looked at it with furrowed brows, then shifted his gaze to you, a hint of something resembling a smile flickering across his face.

“Who said I’m planning to come?” he asked.

His mock-offensive tone didn’t quite match what he was doing—slipping the apron over his head. It made you snort.

“Oh, what, got other plans, pretty boy?” Penelope teased. “Some wild party at the book club?”

She leaned over to close the dishwasher. But instead of straightening up, she froze in place, staring at her reflection in the machine’s door. Her jaw dropped, and she gasped in something close to horror.

“What happened to my hair? I look... I look like…”

“Like a homeless caveman who just barely won a fight with lightning?” you suggested in a syrupy tone. “But only just.”

“Excuse me for a moment,” she huffed.

She left the kitchen, the sound of her heels echoing as she headed upstairs to the bathroom. Reid turned to himself with a smug expression.

“Does a caveman qualify as homeless if he lives in a cave…”

You interrupted him with your outstretched hand, pressing it to his mouth.

“Cookies, Reid. Not philosophy.”

You were planning to bake simple butter cookies in the shape of stars, and then decorate them with edible glitter. You started pulling out all the necessary ingredients from the fridge and cabinets, which were soon covering the countertop in your kitchen. You stood side by side, and your eyes were drawn to the rolled-up sleeves of his shirt, barely touching his wrists. Unable to resist, you grabbed his hand and started rolling the sleeves up to his elbows.

"You could've just told me..." he began, looking at you in surprise.

You merely shrugged. You found yourselves facing each other, and you nodded towards his other hand, which he gave you after a brief hesitation. Just like before, you rolled up the sleeve of his shirt, but this time much more slowly. As more of his skin appeared before your eyes, you gathered yourself to speak.

"I feel a bit bad about how things turned out with the games," you admitted, not looking up to meet his gaze. You focused on his hand, holding it by the knuckles.

"It's okay," he reassured you, his voice soft without a hint of reproach.

"I should've warned you earlier," you continued stubbornly. "Instead of doing it last minute. And, you know, if you don't want to come to this party, that's totally okay. I know you were expecting something different..."

"I was expecting to spend time with you," he interrupted, then paused to clear his throat. It was then that you realized you were still holding his hand. His fingers trembled slightly when you let go, and he immediately shoved it into his pocket—perhaps to hide it. "We can have a game night another time. On a different day. Like, this weekend, for example. If you'd want, of course. Not that I'm pressuring you..."

"I would like that," you assured him, looking up at him with a smile, amused by his over-explaining. It always charmed you. You used to think it was because you didn't know each other well and he still felt nervous around you, but as time passed, you came to realize that maybe that was just how he was. "Seriously. And it's not just because I feel guilty about how I left you hanging today. I'm genuinely curious about that game you ordered. It’s inspired by Austen's novels, right?"

He started to tell you more about it, while you both added the first ingredients into a large glass bowl. As he began to knead the dough with his hands, you leaned your elbow on the countertop, propping your chin on your hand, listening to him.

"...one of the symbols of excess in 17th century England was a dish called A Pie of a Thousand Birds..."

You wondered when the conversation had shifted to this topic, while Penelope was still in the bathroom.

 "...containing various kinds of birds, sometimes in different layers, cooked together. In the earliest records of this dish, it mentions anywhere from a dozen to several dozen birds such as quails, chickens, geese..."

Reid suddenly stopped when his gaze landed on you. He must have been so absorbed in kneading the dough and sharing this tidbit with you that he was completely unaware of the fact that you were staring at him.

You raised an eyebrow questioningly.

 "Is something wrong?"

"No," he quickly assured you, adjusting his glasses on his nose. He had a bit of dough on his skin, which seemed to escape his notice. He furrowed his brow, trying to remember where he'd left off. "And... quails..."

You couldn't bring yourself to tell him he'd already mentioned them. Instead of that, you moved from your spot, slowly lifting your hands off the counter and approached him to wipe away the stray bit of dough beneath his eye. Reid, wanting to make sure nothing else was left on his face, wiped it with his hand… which was completely covered in dough. At the sight of his expression when he realized what he had done, you couldn't help but burst out laughing, your head resting against his apron from the weight of it. Meanwhile, he desperately tried to wipe away the remnants using the clean skin of his forearms, muttering a few curses under his breath, which only made you laugh harder.

"I see you're having a great time," Penelope returned to the kitchen.

On top of her head were two cute buns once again, resembling little snails.

"The best," you corrected, undeterred, trying once more to wipe his face. This time, not as gently as before, until he flinched back under the pressure of your hand, scrunching his nose tightly.

You glanced at the clock, and your playful mood started to wane. There was still so much to do, and you rallied everyone into action. Penelope rolled up her sleeves to prepare the charcuterie boards (it turned out the olives were at the bottom of the bag), you got to work on the mini sandwiches, and Reid was busy cutting out star shapes from the rolled-out dough using a champagne bottle as a makeshift rolling pin.

“Oh, by the way, Pen,” you began, opening the heated oven to put in the first batch of cookies, “we’re still going to kiss at midnight, right?”

“That’s right, sweetheart. Nothing’s changed,” your friend replied, focused on arranging various types of cheese into the best possible combination.

Reid, meanwhile, was taking off his apron, folding it into a perfectly neat square, a frown of concentration on his face.

“Why kiss specifically at midnight?” he asked.

“You haven’t heard about that tradition?” you asked, surprised. “A kiss at midnight brings good luck in love and relationships for the whole next year. Skipping it means the opposite.”

“I didn’t know you were superstitious.”

“It’s just a gesture. Or maybe, better put, a symbol. But anyway, last year I was having a bit too much fun and passed out before midnight. And, well, I don’t think I need to tell you it wasn’t the best year for relationships. Or rather, the lack of them.”

“Doesn’t that mean you should kiss two people this year? One for the previous year and one for the current one?” Garcia suggested thoughtfully.

You mulled it over as well.

“Actually, that makes sense. But who?”

“I’m sure you’ll find someone,” your friend assured you. “There’s bound to be some handsome volunteer. And if not, Reid could always be your backup option.”

You glanced at him briefly, biting your lip as you considered the suggestion. Funny enough, you hadn’t thought of him at all. Not because you found the idea of kissing him unpleasant or something you wouldn’t want to do. It was just… this tradition felt more like grabbing a random person, the first friend within reach. Something done without much thought—a gesture that, in this context, meant absolutely nothing serious.

Wait, but with Reid, would it mean something serious? Why the hesitation all of a sudden? You shook your head, dismissing the train of thought.

You looked at him again; he seemed to be making a deliberate effort to keep his gaze fixed on Penelope, not on you. Though as soon as he sensed you looking at him, he turned his eyes to meet yours, his expression unreadable.

“What do you think?” you asked before you could stop yourself. To ease the sudden, inexplicable tension, you added with a playful smile, “My entire romantic year would rest in your hands—or rather, on your lips. Would you be ready to take on such a sacrifice?”

“Think carefully, darling,” Penelope chimed in, pointing a finger at him. “Otherwise, we’ll all have to spend the next twelve months listening to her complain about how awful men are and how unlucky she is in love…”

“I’m starting to feel an unjustified amount of pressure,” Reid remarked cautiously. You kept staring at him, arms crossed over your chest as you stood near the oven, its orange glow casting a warm light across the kitchen.

“No pressure. And just so we’re clear, it’s not like I’m taking advantage of you. You’d benefit from this too. Unless, of course, you decide to kiss someone else—then, fine…”

“Considering I probably won’t know anyone else at this party? Slim chances…”

A snort escaped you before you could stop it. Both of them turned to you with curiosity.

“What I mean…” you began hesitantly, gesturing toward him. He was objectively handsome—maybe not every woman’s type, but then again, no man was. In your opinion, though, he absolutely was. There was something about his polished, intellectual demeanor that occasionally clashed with his sharp wit, creating a strangely magnetic allure. You gestured at him again, as if emphasizing your point. “Just try not rolling down the sleeves of that shirt until midnight, and you’ll see your chances aren’t that slim.”

He shook his head, utterly bewildered.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Oh, Pen, explain it to him,” you sighed in mock defeat.

“She means your forearms are sexy,” Penelope clarified without missing a beat.

Reid looked down at his hands as though they belonged to someone else entirely. You exchanged an amused glance with Garcia, and the whole midnight kiss topic… well, it drifted away. You weren’t entirely sure if he had agreed or not.

You wanted to casually bring it up again, but soon Penelope left the kitchen, leaving the two of you alone with a tray of freshly baked cookies ready to be decorated. Somehow, to your own surprise, you couldn’t summon the courage to ask.

"I bought edible glitter specifically for these cookies," you said, pulling a small box from the cupboard. "Apparently, it’s flavorless, but it’ll make the star-shaped cookies look magical. Maybe we should mix it with the icing?"

Reid stared intently at the label on the bottle, silent.

"What? What’s wrong?" you asked, suddenly worried.

"That’s not edible glitter," he announced. For a split second, you thought you saw the corner of his mouth twitch. But when he noticed your completely bewildered—and now slightly furious—expression, his face quickly returned to its usual stillness. "It’s just regular glitter."

"You’ve got to be kidding me, Reid."

"Since when does edible glitter contain polyethylene terephthalate and aluminum?"

You snatched the package out of his hands, and when his words were confirmed, you slapped your forehead.

"Did I just almost kill all my guests?"

"Maybe not kill them right away," he said, his tone comforting as he took the package back from your hands before you could hit yourself with it again. "Complications from eating include gastrointestinal irritation like vomiting, nausea, and possibly damage to the mucous membranes of the mouth..."

"You're not helping."

"Sorry."

For a moment, you both stood in silence, your gaze still fixed on the tray of cooling cookies.

"But this isn't the end of the world," Reid said gently after a moment. "They still have their... interesting shape. We can decorate them with regular icing. Draw something on them. They may not sparkle, but they'll be just as delicious. And that's probably the most important thing, right?"

You knew he was right, but still, there was a certain sadness in the way you nodded. It took you a while to realize how much you’d been obsessing over such a small thing. You let out a chuckle, and he did the same.

"And I even came up with an idea for what to do with the glitter," you announced after a moment, taking the open box in your hands. A bit of the shimmering particles landed on your outstretched palm, and Reid squinted when you blew on it, sending the glitter his way. "I’ll make you shine. You’ll match the rest of the decorations..."

When Penelope returned to the kitchen, she found herself in the middle of a full-blown war, not even a battle anymore. Reid had both of your hands raised and held still, preventing you from reaching for another handful of glitter. You tried to wriggle out of this trap, kneeing him or doing something, but it wasn't really working. So there you were, looking like you were caught in some kind of bizarre dance neither of you knew the steps to, but your half-smiling faces suggested you weren’t too bothered by it.

You knew you wouldn’t be able to get that glitter out of your hair until the next New Year’s Eve.

*

You had a rule to be careful with alcohol when the party was at your house.

 You preferred to make sure everything was running smoothly. Nothing slipped out of control — no one played baseball with your TV (although you hoped the adult crowd had outgrown that kind of entertainment), no one felt unwell or needed help. Moving between people, conversations, and laughter, asking if anyone needed anything or was having a good time, reminding everyone not to smoke inside. You didn’t notice when it all started to drain you. So much so that you decided to sneak away for a moment in the upstairs bathroom.

You just needed a little time alone, splashing cold water on your neck, playing a game on your phone for five minutes while sitting on the closed toilet seat. That’s all you needed.

Your bathroom had a window, usually left open. The room was on the second floor, so there was no chance anyone could be watching. You never worried about it. The window overlooked the yard of one of your neighbors, whom you didn’t even know. As you returned, you stood with your hands on the cool sink, your eyes half-closed from exhaustion but feeling a sense of relief.

Midnight was in fifteen minutes. The year was ending in fifteen minutes.

A lot has happened over the past twelve months. The most important, of course, was joining the BAU. A huge achievement for someone so young, always commented on with a surprised raise of the eyebrows, so much so that it still hadn’t fully sunk in for you. A fair amount, but still not enough, of cases solved, unsub caught, lives saved.

Apart from the professional achievements, there was also something you couldn’t add to your CV or your dating profile. Memories. The big ones, and the ones often overlooked. The countless smiles exchanged over office desks, the amused nudges of elbows, the hours spent in simple laughter. The nights, the ones spent dancing in clubs or at house parties, the ones in your friends' homes with bottles of wine passed from hand to hand and gossip flowing from your lips, one after the other, in a constant stream of surprised exclamations and sighs. There were also those spent in sad motels during business trips. Many of them, but it was the shabby ones that stuck with you the most. Narrow beds shared with Reid, because of his fear of the dark, which worsened in such places. Sometimes silly conversations and arguments, but also the more serious ones. Comforting. And, of course, you had to include the people around you, those you met this year, and those who have been with you for a long time. All the moments when you were happy, and all the ones when you cried. The books and movies. Those that disappointed you so much that you cursed them for days. Those that made you laugh until you choked, but also the ones that nailed you to the theater seat, your gaze vacant and your mind drifting somewhere on the waves of an existential crisis.

You thought about it all with a small smile on your lips

Unfortunately, when you focused on reflecting on the passing year, another memory hit you—one of those decidedly unpleasant ones. The one where, under the guise of normality, you found yourself in the middle of a robbery, becoming a hostage. And as you watched one body after another drop motionless to the floor, blood pooling around them.

The sink you were leaning against grew warm. Your hands were hot, sweating. You shook your head, trying to push away the uncomfortable memory. Why dwell on it? It was over, long over...

Out of the corner of your eye, you caught a flash in your neighbor's yard. A bright spot rising into the air, even though it wasn't even midnight yet. What kind of idiot sets off fireworks before the New Year? What was the point of that?

You straightened up, an irrational sense of danger taking hold of you. As if that fired projectile was about to crash through your window, causing an explosion in the room. Absurd, you knew that. But then the sound hit. A blast, almost like a gunshot. A gunshot coming from an unknown direction, fading lights around you, and screams. You took a breath as another shot rang out. Fireworks lit up the night sky, a green glow spilling into your bathroom, painting your face. You stayed frozen, breath held, with your chest tight.

You knew you should move, shake off the state that the experience had put you in, but… you couldn’t. Although physically unharmed, in your own home, fear took control, robbing you of your agency. Your heartbeat quickened to an unnatural pace, a sickly rhythm. It paralyzed your limbs, one by one, while images kept flashing before your eyes, intensifying with each approaching shot.

Since your actions and most of your awareness remained beyond your control, you soon realized that you were sitting on the floor. And, worst of all, a silhouette cast its shadow over you. You flinched, expecting to see a pair of leather boots and a gun pointed at you.

“It’s just me,” came a quiet, familiar voice, somehow cutting through the wall that separated you from the world. “Me, Spencer. Sorry I came in, but you didn’t respond when I knocked... okay, that doesn’t really matter right now.”

He sighed and crouched down right in front of you, his forehead furrowed in concern. Hesitantly, he reached for your shoulder, lightly touching it, but you flinched the moment his hand moved.

“No touching, it’s okay. I understand, I get it. I understand... what you’re going through.” He spoke quietly and calmly, but you could see a hint of panic crossing his face as he carefully observed yours, choosing his words. He swallowed hard. “You’re really scared, your hands are shaking, you can’t... you can’t breathe. It’s a panic attack, you know what that means. And... it’s temporary. The important thing is to just breathe. I know it’s hard... but just try…”

The surrounding air seemed thick, like some dense gas filling your nostrils and painfully entering your lungs. You shook your head in refusal, not wanting to do it again.

"Slowly, they don’t have to be deep breaths. Just try to make them steady, okay? Please," he continued, settling down closer to you on the floor. He was also breathing the way he described, trying to demonstrate for you. Focusing on the rise and fall of his chest, you made another attempt. It went... better.

"Exactly like that. We're at a party now, remember? At your house. We baked cakes specially for the occasion. It's New Year's Eve and people are shooting fireworks... those are fireworks, just regular fireworks..."

The green glow crept in again through the window, covering and retreating from your two huddled forms on the floor like a tide. You focused on what he was saying, alternately keeping your eyes tightly shut and wide open. You preferred them closed—it was easier to listen to him that way. But when you closed them, it felt like he was so far away. You reached out with trembling hands, trying to touch him, to make sure he was really there in front of you. And before you realized it, you fell into his embrace, your hands clutching his back in panic with every new shot outside.

You could close your eyes; his presence and scent were with you. You could close your eyes, pretend it wasn’t happening, that you weren’t there.

But it didn’t stop. Reid whispered that it was midnight, and the next round of fireworks shot into the sky, sending those trembling sounds that rattled you. A part of your mind knew why this was happening, so why did your body still react this way?

You buried yourself deeper into his arms, feeling some weight on the top of your head—he must have rested his chin there. You kept trying to breathe, and by accident, you inhaled the scent of his neck, which, surprisingly, helped. One breath after another. In and out. His skin. Another shot outside. In and out.

It must have been many minutes before it finally stopped. You both ended up leaning against the wall, side by side. Your knees were pulled to your chest, his legs stretched out. From downstairs, through the floor, came the muffled sound of music, and that’s what you focused on. On that, and on counting the tiles on the neighboring wall, on the hands of Reid’s watch moving forward. On the details, helping you ground yourself.

"How do you feel now?" he broke the silence that had lasted for several minutes with a quiet question.

You pressed the back of your head to the wall behind you, closing your eyes for a moment.

"Better," you said after a moment. The sound from your throat was raspy, and you swallowed, pausing for a second. "Isn't it... isn't it a strange twist of fate that we're always there for each other when something bad happens to the other person?"

You kept your gaze fixed ahead, and from the corner of your eye, you saw him looking at you. Slowly, he shrugged.

"Isn't that what friendship is about?" he asked.

Then, you shrugged.

"Friendship," you repeated, turning the word around on your tongue. You shook your head slightly. "I guess so. I mean, I guess that's what it's about." For a moment, you paused, lightly licking your lips. Your mind was still clouded, and you struggled to form coherent sentences. "I completely forgot what I was talking about a moment ago. What was it about again?"

Reid smiled gently at the look on your face, the expression confused but calm. And then... his hand slowly dropped to the top of your head, gently stroking it and sliding down along your cheek, where it stopped.

"Friendship," he repeated slowly.

Suddenly, as if realizing something, he turned his head slightly, as if to pull his hand away, but you stopped him. You grabbed it, and even though it had moved away from your face, your cheek, you enclosed it in a gentle grasp with both of your hands, the way a shell embraces a pearl.

You noticed the time on his watch.

"It’s already past midnight," you remarked. "Do you think everyone’s too drunk to look for us, or do they just honestly not care what we've been doing in the bathroom for the past hour?"

He chuckled at your words, amused by your suggestive tone.

"Don’t want to go back?" he asked, making sure.

You immediately shook your head.

"Not yet. I like it here. And I guess I’m not ready," you said, the last part tinged with a slight embarrassment. He nodded understandingly, signaling that it was okay. You didn’t have to leave yet.

You sighed, probably for the hundredth time.

"Honestly, I’ve completely lost my party mood. We could’ve played those board games instead. When I think about the bottles I’ll have to clean up tomorrow, I just feel like I might puke."

"We'll be here. Me. And Garcia," he reminded you. "You thought we were just going to disappear together, expecting you to clean up all this mess by yourself?"

"It's not really your responsibility," you replied with a slight shrug. However, a small, grateful smile tugged at your lips. "It would have been enough if you helped me set it all up. Even if it meant the entire kitchen glittering with sparkles before the party even started."

"New Year’s Eve decorations."

"Right," you scoffed. "That I’ll never get rid of. It will always look like a place where My Little Pony ponies had an alcoholic binge."

As you continued to stare at his hand, lying limp on your lap, and at his watch, you realized something else. A thought that made you tilt your head back with a sigh.

"I missed midnight again," you groaned suddenly. "Third year in a row. Where am I supposed to find three people to kiss next year, when I couldn't even find two this time?"

"You did manage," Reid pointed out, frowning slightly. "Penelope. And if you're counting your backup option, that would be me too."

"Would you?" you asked, surprised.

Pleasantly surprised. This subject had slipped by so quickly that you were sure his final answer would have been a no. You glanced fleetingly at his lips. They were slightly parted, probably in the same way they would have been if everything had gone according to plan. If you had found yourselves facing each other under the full, colorful-blinking night sky.

He nodded slightly in response, his upper and lower lips meeting. You tore your gaze away from them and refocused on the rest of his face.

"Sure," he replied aloud. He was close, the words escaping him with a slight breath of his air. "I mean... I'd also like to have a good year. So far, it’s started well. Anyway... yeah. I don't mind if you extend my backup option subscription for next year too."

The way he phrased it amused you. you lowered your gaze for a moment with a smile. Then you nodded, turning your head back toward him.

"So I guess I have my lineup for next New Year's," you said, letting go of his hand to start counting on your fingers. Both of you only realized then that you had been holding it at all. "First, of course, my husband..."

"Husband?" he interrupted, raising an eyebrow.

"I’m being very ambitious this year, Reid," you assured him, with mock seriousness. "Then Garcia, if she agrees again. But she probably will. Unless Derek gets in the way. Oh well, I’ll just send him to the tropics again. And then, number three, you."

"Your husband won’t mind if you kiss me?"

Something changed in his expression, and it was becoming harder for you to maintain eye contact. Your gaze kept dropping, as if it were searching for something against your will. Plus, the whole bathroom suddenly felt incredibly small, your movements slow, like in slow motion. You forced yourself to wave it off dismissively.

"He’ll understand," you said, forcing yourself to take a breath. You had forgotten again, but this time, it wasn’t panic. It was more about his face, so close to yours, the side of your head against the wall, your bodies nearly touching. "Well, he won’t have a choice. If he wants our marriage to last happily and forever, he’ll have to let me make up for all those lost years, those three missed kisses. Sorry... if I’m talking nonsense right now, just tell me, I don���t know what’s happening with me..."

When he kissed you, for a moment, you couldn’t find yourself. Even though everything had been leading to this, with your faces so close for the last twenty minutes, gazes repeatedly falling on each other's lips, it still surprised you. You sucked in a breath through your nose as his lips pressed into yours.

Only when his hand, the same one you had been playing with for so long, the one that had earlier caressed your cheek, fell back into the same place, carelessly resting and brushing the tips of his fingers against a small part of your ear, did you truly feel it. You squeezed your eyelids shut, placing your hand on the back of his neck, pulling him closer. It wasn’t the kind of kiss you usually associated with New Year’s Eve, one you’d forget the next day or mention with a fleeting smile. Every thought of it was meant to bring overwhelming loneliness to your lips, to make you imagine it still lasting. It alternated between tasting you slowly and carefully and consuming you with the anticipation held captive between you.

You sighed softly against his lips, and he mirrored it when you briefly pulled away. Your breaths mingled, your faces still close, foreheads gently touching.

“I almost forgot,” you whispered, barely lifting your eyelids. “Happy New Year.”

He smiled, his lips brushing yours once more for a fleeting moment.

“May your wishes come true...or something like that.”

“Or something like that.” you whispered, completely distracted, before pulling him back to you again.

taglist: @she-wont-miss @mggslover @nyeddleblog @dylanobrienswife0420 @wmoony

@heddgie @khxna @marauder-exe-old @yujyujj @charleyreid @kitty-kai @sp3ncelle @pleasantwitchgarden @beesin03 @misserabella @re1dsb1xch @trulymadlydarling

[multifandomwhore-003]

Random Hazel Callahan headcanons that have been rotting my brain for the past couple of days:

Pairing: Hazel Callahan x female! reader

Summary: Not needed

Genre(s): a little angsty at first, after that's it's just pure fluff

Warnings: mentions of trauma and maladaptive daydreaming

A/N: I'M GONNA WRITE MORE FOR HER BECAUSE I NEED IT SO STAY TUNED, also I listened to False God by Taylor Swift the entire time I wrote this.

Taglist: @aemonds-holy-milk , join tag list here

• She has horrible listening skills, usually her house has been a pretty noisy and chaotic place, even before her parents divorced, so she's learned to mute the outside world.

• It tends to annoy pretty much everyone else outside the fight club, the only exception being PJ, she perhaps got annoyed more than anyone.

• When you first noticed you had to repeat yourself at least five times whenever she was around, you tried to come up with different ways for her to keep up, like texting her as you spoke so she could read it as much as she needed to.

• Later on you found out it wasn't just about losing track of a conversation, as you asked to borrow one of her headphones one time, you were shocked her ears weren't bleeding right then and there.

"Fucking hell, Hazel! Are you trying to break your ears or something?" your ears hurt for a second.

"It's not loud at all" She placed them on her neck.

"Baby, I can hear the music coming out of those things like a concert speaker,"

• You decided to invite her over to your house as often as possible, demanding a no-headphones rule.

"Why not?!" she complained.

"Because you're gonna be completely deaf at the age of 40!"

"And you'll be there to teach me sign language, right?" she hugged your waist.

"You're saying you prefer not hearing my voice for the rest of our lives?" you lifted a brow.

• The realazation dawned on her.

• To this day she hasn't worn headphones a single day in her life.

• Maladaptive daydreaming is also something she struggles with, not as much now as she used to in middle school and the first two years of high school, but it still happens sometimes.

• You found out when you decided to surprise her by coming to her house one day

• Mrs. Callahan said she couldn't get in contact with Hazel, for whatever reason.

• Most likely her phone turned off since it was out of battery.

• So she texted you she was gonna be missing all night, permitted you to stay the night, and told you to take care of Hazel.

• You found her in the kitchen yelling, it sounded as if she was yelling at someone.

"Are you ever gonna choose me over a booty call?! How is it that Jeff's dick is more important than me?! Your daughter! You fucking pushed me out and you still can't even ask me how my grades are doing and shit!"

• Your first thought was —Her mom's plans must've been canceled—

• As you approached the room as quietly as possible, you looked through the rim of the entrance, there was no one.

"Hazel," you spoke quietly through her screams.

A shiver went down her spine, he face turned white, she blinked a couple of times before turnind her head, "How much of that did you hear?" she avoided your eyes.

"I've never heard you like that," was all you could mutter as you approached her slowly and then embraced her in a hug, "I know you're not insane by the way," you whispered in her hair.

She began to cry.

• She didn't want to talk about it for the next few days

• When she did, she stumbled upon her words, talked too fast, and teared up every once in a sentence.

"Call me first," you cupped her face, "I'll never judge you for whatever you have to say,"

• She wanted to kiss you right then and there, but just rested her forehead on yours, an act of ultimate intimacy.

• I could get into the divorced parents' trauma for hours because same

• But for now I'll move on to the happy part

• Physical touch is the absolute most pure form of love she can give

• If she's not hugging your waist at all times, she's holding your hand, resting her head on your chest, shoulders, legs, etc. pretty much everywhere she can

• If you have long or medium hair she'll attempt to braid your hair, keyword attempt

• If you have short hair she'll buy little elastic ponytails to tie them around your head everywhere she can

• Her reasoning behind this is that her favorite plants are cactuses

• That's it, that's all the reasons she needs

• If you happen to be bald she'll rub your head while singing the chorus to Diamonds by Rihanna

• She plays ukelele

• She knows how to make a few origami figures and if she tries a new one, as crumbled and sweaty as it is she gives it to you

• You have a whole shelf in your room dedicated to every piece of folded paper she's ever done for you

• If you're more of a fem! girl, she'll try something of yours whenever she comes over and stare at her reflection for hours

"Good thing, god didn't make me straight, she knew I would be a menace,"

• You can only roll your eyes and laugh at her twirling and pretending to dance ballet in your dresses and skirts

• If she happens to go shopping without you, she'll try something you'll like and send you the photo after

"If it looks this good on me, imagine how AMAZING it'll look on you,"

• She once asked you to put makeup on her, she'll say she was just curious how she'd look

• She wasn't lying, but she also didn't mention she just wanted to recreate this picture:

• If you happen to be more of a masc! girl, you'll trade clothes as often as you can think

• More than once you have arrived at school with something she likes and just drags you to the bathroom to for you to make the exchange

• It's not her clothes and your clothes anymore, everything you own is hers and vice versa

• More often than not you're no longer sure what used to be only yours

• This goes for accessories and shoes as well, even if they don't fit her, she'll fill them up with toilet paper until they fit just fine

• You'll match AT LEAST once a week, as per her request of course

• She tries all kinds of chips (or crisps for my British luvs) she has tried every flavor and seasoning, but her favorites and the flaming hot ones, even if she ends up chugging your waterbottle after finishing the bag

• Although her parents are rich and taught her from a young age to be a precise wine taster, she's a tequila and vodka girl

• She hates gloomy and rainy days because they bring down her mood, but spending the day binge-watching cheesy movies and stuffing her stomach with all the snacks o her house makes it up

• She's ABSOLUTE SHIT at Karaoke, but my god does she have the spirit

• Her go-to song is Lies by Fleetwood Mac, but if she's drunk enough to gain confidence she'll request Easy On Me by Adele

•  If she insists for long enough and you decide to sing with her, she 100% will try to recreate the following musical numbers:

• Lay all you love on me -Mamma Mia

• Every duet there is in Teen Beach Movie, her favorite childhood movie

• The cellblock tango -Chicago and Ex-Wives -from Six, if the rest of the fight club joins as well

• Popular from Wicked, strangely enough, she's Glinda

• Seventeen -Heathers

• Candy Store -Heathers featuring Isabel as Heather Mc Namara, Josie as Martha Dunnstock, and PJ as Veronica (She was heavily forced to after Brittany suggested it)

• Smooth Criminal -The Glee cast cover

• If you're a good singer, or at least a decent one, at the end of the song she'll hype you up more than anyone in the crowd, even carry you (this also applies to my plus size! lovelies, DON'T YOU WORRY, she has muscles)

• If you're a bad singer, then you'll be shit together, the worse your voices sound, the better you'll enjoy it

• Onto the kissing and overall more stereotypical relationship stuff, aka the not-so-comfortable part of my asexual-spectrum girlies.

• As previously shown in the original material

• Kissing is slow and passionate, she likes to enjoy your lips as much as possible, taking in every movement, taste, and breath

• Hands on your jaw  and neck EVERY FUCKING TIME

• The first few times you offered her some chapstick or lipstick, or lipgloss, or lip oil, or anything, she would kiss you making you chuckle in surprise

• Now you don't even need to ask, she'll just be like

"Hey, your lips look beautiful," and peck you on the lips

• If you're alone it definitely turns into a whole makeout session

• She just claims it tastes too good not to do it

• Every once in a while she'll hug you from behind and aggressively kiss your cheek

• Good luck kisses before every test

• Her favorite kind of dates are picnic dates

• She takes pictures of the sky whenever she feels it matches your vibe

• She takes A LOT of pictures of you ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, she even went as far as to buy a film camera because they make everything more magical

• She reads A LOT

• She obviously knows too much about social injustices and everything regarding that realm, but she likes other things as well

• Avid fantasy reader, I DON'T MAKE THE RULES,

• Going back to this need for escapism, she was heavily raised by George R.R. Martin and Leigh Bardugo

• Definitely screamed, jumped, and overall looked like she was in a sugar rush when both Game of Thrones and Shadow and Bone came out

• She wasn't exactly allowed to watch Game of Thrones at the time it came out, so she watched when she was 16 instead

• Shadow and Bone, however, oh boy, it was whole event

• She cosplayed Sturmhond and made you cosplay as Zoya

.

.

.

That's it for now children, if I come up with anything else I'll do a part two or even better write something more complete

[meraki-yao]

RWRB Full-Cast Audiobook Imaginations

So with the sequel on the horizon, we’re not that far from a full-cast re-recording of the audiobook, right?

I listen to the audiobook more than I read the book, mostly because I can listen to it while doing other stuff, and no offence to the original narrator, but while it’s good, it’s not the best. I kind of cringe at his British accent for Henry.

So I have a lot of thoughts.

The thing is with an audiobook, we can get both the wonderful vocal performance of the movie cast, and the iconic book lines, the ones that didn’t, and frankly, could never have made it into the movie due to format restrictions:

Sexy explicit sex scenes

Sexy explicit sex lines “For fuck’s sake, man, you just had my dick in your mouth, you can kiss me good-night”, “I want you to fuck me”, “I’ve been thinking about your mouth on me all well”

Emails in their entirety

Email openings and endings “Huge Raging Heache Prince Henry of Who Cares”, “First Son of Shirking Responsibilities”, “Horrible Revolting Heir”, “First Son of Founding Father Sacrilege”, “Haplessly Romantic Heretic Prince Henry the Utterly Daft”

Email historical quotes “The whole is a mass of fools and knaves; I could almost except you”, “I meet you in every dream”

Swearing and explicit language “fucking shit” “I fucking love you, okay?”

Internal Struggle

Iconic lines that didn’t make it into the movie for adaptation and story purposes “I’m never gonna love anybody in the world like I love you” “I love him on purpose”, “America, he is my choice”

Like, imagine hearing all of this in Taylor, in Nick, in Sarah and Uma and Ellie and Rachel and Thomas and Aneesh and Cfiton etc etc 's voice. Just imagine it!!!

Another thing to add is that to put it in simple terms, the current version of the audiobook does the dialogue lines closer to theatre acting: more enunciated, more inflection, and slower. Which is fine in its own right (I’m a theatre kid). But with the cast audiobook, hopefully, we can get them to do something closer to film acting, i.e. closer to reality, reading the lines as they would if they were to shoot those scenes.

Which is gonna make big moments like sexy times and confrontations a lot of fun :D

And something really entertaining to think about is now that we also know the cast and their dynamic is thinking about how much fun they would have while recording the book, especially when they have scenes together. And it’s not necessarily just Taynick, it’s group scenes with the whole Super Six, like the karaoke scene in chapter seven, or the Texas Holiday Scenes with Firstprince and Junora.

Like, Imagine it, the actors in the same recording studio, maybe even on the same couch:

Taylor and Nick laughing while reading off the insults from the earlier frienemies days of their relationship

Taylor and Nick squirming and playfully hitting each other when recording lines for sexy scenes like the first night, or the tack room, or Wimbledon

The cast shouting and booing (playfully) whenever someone messes up a line in their group scenes

The chaotic fun that is the LA karaoke scene, everybody’s laughing, Ellie gets to be the singular sober person while everyone else acts drunk, Nick singing Don’t Stop Me Now shittier (Nick has the voice of an angel but book Henry can’t sing for shit),

Taylor and Nick giving each other hugs after screaming at each other for the Kensington confrontation

Nick grinning smugly at every book height difference mention (:<

More of Taylor speaking Spanish!!!

Thomas gets to be a proper asshole villain who later turns into awkward older brother who's trying

Ellie gets to do the pie metaphor grief monologue  

Taylor gets to do another speech (he’s really good at delivering speeches)

 I want to quickly reiterate that I am in no way unhappy with what we got in the end for the movie; I love it to pieces. However, as Matthew and Casey said, there are two “canonical” versions of the story now, and since audiobooks are an option, it would be really nice to connect this aspect of the movie verse with the book verse in some sort of middle ground.

So yeah Audible? Amazon? Get on with it!!!

@almightaylor this was the long post I mentioned, I literally started this in July lol

[omghallucinations]

aspects and chart patterns for ateez

number one reason why i decided to write this: mingi has a grand cross.

bro this chart goes crazy. a grand cross is a SHIT TON of energy. act right now, think NEVER (or later, obsessively, full of regrets). for mingi the 4 players are uranus "manic pixie dream girl" (14 aquarius), mars "she's cute but a psycho" (15 scorpio), sun "ME! by taylor swift" (16 leo) and saturn "i work so i can go home" (16 taurus). they're all in fixed signs so that can be a rough ride! these guys ain't gonna move. it's easy to not make any progress because he feels really stuck here. the fire is blazing away, but the walls are staying put. it creates a fixed idea of how things are, a relentless energy that can eat itself. terrified of losing security. strength becomes an identity. he's both 100% always sure he is right about everything and staggeringly aware of the multiplicity of life and that no one knows what truth is, since a grand cross has one of each element so the energy is split.

it's like

his sun, in its rulership in leo, so very strong: have you SEEN ME LATELY, i want to LOVE you and come let me SHINE MY RAYS UPON YOU and you can be like wow you're so pretty!! and i'll be like yeah i am!! you're so pretty too!! i love expressing myself through dance and music!! i am 100% embracing my identity i can't be anyone other than me!! (this depends on his rising) versus uranus in aquarius, also rulership if you do modern rulers which i don't usually: uhHHHHH girl. being different is really. hard. also i don't want to join the party and i don't believe in that and also i want to leave and this is giving me anxiety. have you considered that the self is a construct and constantly changing???

meanwhile, on the other side of his chart:

mars strong in its rulership in scorpio if you do traditional rulers, which i do: i'm so sexy and intense and everyone looks at me all the time. i want to act boldly and with power and sexuality and loyalty and i'm not afraid of anyone have you considered that! if you cross me you'll fucking regret it. i'm full of deep powerful desires and i want to act to achieve them!! versus saturn in taurus: sit the hell down and be responsible, you asshole. stop doing that. stop thinking that. stop desiring that. it's not helpful. stop wanting that it's not practical. i'm the ensemble cast in stick to the status quo!! no no no! stick to the stuff you know!!

which produces these big bursts of passionate action and not a lot of follow through. there's also sub arguments, which are fun too.

sun square saturn: father saturn is always haranguing the sun/self/ego that he has to PRODUCE that he has to SUCCEED or what is the POINT, and sometimes the sun is like fuck it... i give up ballet is YOUR dream dad

father saturn is also haranguing gay cousin uranus which has the fun effect of making him both insanely stubborn/rigid and insanely chaotic at the same time

uranus is like the devil on the shoulder of mars encouraging it to do more, be more extreme, move on, hit da BRICKS

mars passes a lot of that message on to the sun, being like you gotta be move and make a decision right now and who gives a shit what the consequences are! let's jump off this building!!

thank god mingi has an "easy opposition" planet that offshoots his saturn-mars opposition! depending on his birth time his moon likely sextiles saturn and trines mars to some degree. the way out of this all or nothing mentality is through his cancer moon (so many of ateez have cancer moons). his moon is basically like... girl go home. learn to garden or knit or something. get out of the club girl what are u doing

san's mars opposes his jupiter exactly. no like. exactly exactly. 0.00 orb which i almost have never seen in my life. so she's a strong and intense opposition! the two sides of the seesaw:

his mars in scorpio: i'll die for you, i'll kill for you, i have deeply internalized so much red hot rage that i am afraid of being angry but also unable to not be angry. haha i'm fine, he said, his eyes shooting fire. let's go deep and dark right now, i can handle any weight and get though anything also if you betray me i will never forget so write that down, i love two things powerful soul-penetrating intimacy and holding on to my grudges. do you remember that one time you did that one thing because i do versus... taurus jupiter: you know what i love? nature. humanity. my ideals. bro you're really harshing my mellow so bad. i want to focus on acquiring my cool items and comfort. have you tried just like... letting go? transform yourself into a more benevolent being! i'm managing my money, other people's money, whatever, my investments go crazy and i have great intimate partnerships and that's enjoy to bring me fulfillment and joy :)

thankfully his leo venus is there! leo venus trines his scorpio mars and sextiles his jupiter, softening each one with that optimistic romance, the creativity, the passion. venus is not always acting perfectly--she sure can be an egomaniac--but it can certainly smooth out the rough edges of mars and connects the two extremes. it's also in the 12th, the pisces-y house, so it's sort of quieter, more introverted, very compassionate and sympathetic to others.

hongjoong also has an almost exact opposition (0.07, so close!) with a softening planet to the side.

jupiter in pisces: have you ever thought about humanity? we have a responsibility to help the less fortunate! do you think ghosts are real? do you want to join a cult? also i'm so sad :( about people being sad :(. also i really really want to spend all my money! right now!! it's fine i'll make more money whatever, what is important is look at my beautiful gorgeous items (2nd house). versus... mars in virgo: gotta WORK. gotta make that mONEY make PURSE. and the way you do that is by killing yourself working :). i can look at every situation logically and critically and i will cross every t and dot every i in the entire world by thursday at the latest. god i love solving weird problems so much. yes i will be reachable by phone :) or text :) or slack :) please feel free to zoom :) no i will not be on vacation ever in my life :)

thankfully he can bridge that gap with his venus in scorpio in the 9th house (think art/values/beauty/romance that is unafraid of darkness and eager to get to the heart of shit often about philosophy/religion/art/travel). his sun and mc also contribute to that--so his ego/identity and his career. they trine/sextile the two planets themselves, just not exactly.

on the other side of that opposition, we have... a t-square :(. his gemini moon in the 5th house squares both jupiter and mars. a t-square is often like--bro you've repressed some shit but here's some red hot raw potential if u work through it. it can help and hurt, like all aspects. the moon makes sure the chart is like HEY. LOOK AT MARS AND JUPITER. THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MARS AND JUPITER RIGHT. it anchors the difference. it can mean his emotions go zoom zoom from one side to the other--moon/jupiter of benevolence, so many feelings, philosophy, the meaning of life on one side, and then on the other side i have NEVER had a FEELING in my LIFE how DARE you i gotta WORK and THINK ABOUT STUFF what do you mean "don't intellectualize" and "feel my feelings" LMAO sounds fake.

seonghwa interestingly enough has no oppositions at all between planets--he's not going to seesaw within himself. he's gonna make a choice and not understand why other people are making such a big deal out of it. i bet he doesn't even have an internal monologue, lucky bitch. goddamnit.

he does have some interesting conjunctions--he has an exact conjunction with saturn and mars in aries in the 10th house. saturn gives mars a capricorn-ish, earth sign flavor. the way he asserts himself is going to be logical, practical, he does not like change, there's a lot of anxiety with action. this is amplified by them being in the 10th house. saturn gets a boost here because the 10th house is the capricorn house--it likes it here. they are more loosely conjunct his retrograde mercury (some trouble communicating) and his sun. they all get that same practical capricorn flavor.

mars in aries: you cannot kill me in any way that matters :) capricorn in aries: hm. technically. they can. what if, for example, your local coffee shop rearranges the furniture mars in aries: 1 fear

his cancer rising (22 cancer) exactly squares mars and saturn (22 aries) and more loosely mercury and his sun. it's like his identity/his life purpose/life direction as a nurturing, healing person who also struggles with vulnerability and being a bit judgmental sometimes shut up about it runs up against his 10th house work self, for better or worse. fire (aries) and water (cancer) don't get along, their goals are different.

he has other interesting things in his chart but i'm really trying to just to aspects right now lmao this is so long!!

jongho has an exact opposition between jupiter and pluto, so that's a fun bounce between

jupiter in gemini: man i love to be social, free, not taking shit serious, talking to people about whatever, and pluto in sagittarius: get AWAY from me i am LEAVING goodBYYYYYE

if you are extremely generous with your orbs, he could have uranus to quote unquote soften that--sort of like, idek i do my shit my way and it's chill. it's a big orb though so i don't really count it hardcore.

he also loosely has his virgo mars anchoring the opposition into a t-square--it creates sort of a versus situation. like hongjoong, he has a virgo mars (the gotta WORK (but not in a showy capricorn way, i'm genuinely doing the work stop showing off)) struggling to balance the opposing impulses of pluto and jupiter.

gotta wORK... on what? gotta work with people in a social way? or gotta work by getting the hell out of here independently? he can vacillate between the two extremes, avoid one of the points until his saturn return clomps up to say heyyyy girlllllll or some mixture of the two.

wooyoung has one opposition between planets!

mercury in scorpio (15) in the second house: i wanna get into the deep weeds with people, i want to skip the small talk and trauma dump on each other, i wanna say the TRUTH i don't CARE if it's "nice" also i'm fairly practical and critical, in contrast to how i am all or nothing motherfucker anyway i need to passionately argue my ideas and also i need to ice you out, i'm complex okay!! gOD you just don't UNDERSTAND the exhilarating highs and perilous lows of LIFE like I DOOO versus saturn in taurus (15) in the eighth house: oh shit i gotta keep myself in check and be normal so i can handle other people's problems and not lose all my money and not transform too much it will make people uncomfortable fuck i'm afraid of death i need to have a stable foundation jesus christ stop being so emotional and focus on what is practical!! god!!!!

there is no easy way out of that one i'm afraid.

instead, there's a t-square!!! the action point is his uranus in aquarius in the fifth house so there's issues with feeling like being his own unique person is in itself disruptive. he fears rejection--probably went through that a lot as a child (5th house). on the bright side, having to deal with the squares will help him gain resolution in this seesaw. the vibes are:

i have to restrict myself and be a normal bitch gotta WORK, gotta make that MONEY make PURSE

no wait. i have to be my weird ass self and express that creatively! my uniqueness is my charming point! it is so fun and awesome to be a little weirdo!

u know what actually let's connect deeply i wanna talk about emotional TRUTHS i wanna bear my SOUL i'm so RIGHT about everything and if i talk at you enough you will learn the truth!!

oops changed my mind goodbye everyone, i have reinvented myself again and i need to run away forever i'm a manic pixie dream girl and i've ghosted you. :)

yeosang has a grand trine! with a generous orb, so it's less strong than it could be. a rare aspect that is all about ease. again, like all aspects and chart patterns, there are pros and cons. a grand trine is a big ole triangle with 3 planets or points in the same element and they all get along great. yeosang's ascendant in aries is trine pluto in sagittarius is trine venus in leo. his life purpose/direction, his understanding of power death and rebirth and his desire for love, what he likes, his values, etc are always chatting away in endless circles and it's very cohesive but it can really lack direction.

pluto: i don't know where do u wanna go ascendant: idk were do u wanna go venus: idk where do u wanna go

like that. there's a lot of potential here: the newness and excitement and babyness of an aries rising, the intensity and passion of pluto, the love and harmony and creativity of venus, but it lacks direction in a major way.

like san and hongjoong, yeosang also has a mars and jupiter opposition. san and hongjoong's are exact, though (so like jupiter at 18 pisces is exactly opposite mars at 18 virgo), so they are stronger. yeosang's is more chill but still present.

jupiter in aries in the 1st house: i love being alive! i feel fresh and brand new. optimism is so easy for me! i act quickly and i want what i want but also if you want something i'll get it for you! i have strong values and i'm super honest and i'm not afraid of that in any way :). everything will work out!! mars in libra in the 7th house: haha... a decision? never heard of her hahah.... it's fine whatever u want is cool.... .. . i don't really wanna get it myself so uh. well if u think it's okay???? do you think it's okay?????? does everyone else think it's okay???? i'm very stressed and mars is in detriment here so i am uncomfortable but it's okay i'll be fine whatever u want is okay with me so long as the group is happy right???

it's also interesting because as an aries rising, his chart ruler is mars in libra--it's gonna flavor his whole personality strongly. normally in that opposition jupiter would overrule mars in its detriment, but because mars is the chart ruler that side of his personality gets emphasized more.

yunho has a locomotive chart pattern--that's like when 3/4 parts of the wheel have planets in them. hongjoong also has this. these people tend to be more driven towards goals, and there's one planet that acts as the engine--for hongjoong it's his virgo mars, which makes sense, and yunho's is his gemini moon in the eighth house. his engine is social-emotional in a light gemini sort of way not in an intense water moon sort of way. it's also square his pisces mercury in the 4th house (the cancer house, home/roots/foundation). to me that's like

gemini moon in the 8th: emotions are interesting to me in an abstract way but they don't really affect me that much, i'm always able to see the logical side of things. i'm really good at talking people through their feelings and i love to talk about mine too--but i do not want to actually feel them, ew gross that does not make me feel safe and feeling safe is extremely important to me! anyway what feeling i don't know what you're talking about my mood is totally different now i don't remember her? yeah i was upset but that was thirty seconds ago catch up! pisces mercury in the 4th: that person over there is sad i can feel it :( be nice to them :( i am gonna be really careful so i don't offend them :( anyway there is no one right answer i could be wrong idk i'm used to everything changing all the time so it's not a big deal do u think that person needs a hug :( gemini moon, trying to not feel anything: what are u doing here

this seems like a very helpful and productive square that keeps pisces and gemini--both mutable signs--from going too far in either direction. the house placements feel more unstable though.

uranus is also trine the moon so that weighs the scale more on the detachment side. uranus in aquarius in the 3rd (gemini house) is air on air on air, but also very stubborn and obsessed with being free. goodBYYYYEYYEE in a planet.

his sun is also conjunct jupiter in aries which makes his personality larger-than-life or like, expanded in some way. known. success comes easier. it's also in the fifth house of creativity and self expression which is a fun, carefree vibe, youthful leo energy. can get an ego, but he's friendly!

venus at home in taurus in the 6th conjunct saturn in taurus in the 6th--that's like saturn squeezing the life out of venus a little bit. holding it down.

venus in taurus: everyone likes me i'm cute and lovable and things come so easy to me! i love items and feeling safe and at home! man this is a soft hoodie i have achieved fulfillment. i know the perfect thing to smooth over this awkward social situation because things gotta stay stable it's insanely important to me but u know it's cool, i'm so friendly and personable :) saturn in taurus: have u ever considered that everyone betrays u venus in taurus: everyone.... could betray me. i... could betray me...... ... . better not let anyone in emotionally!!! i don't trust that shit! but if you do stay we're for life, so. ride or die.

anyway i'm interested in doing more astrology for ateez, these bitches go crazy. almost all of them have very active uranus and they have either a gemini moon (yunho, san, hongjoong) or a cancer moon (wooyoung, seonghwa, mingi, yeosang) or they are jongho, who has either an aries or a pisces moon depending on when he was born. what the hell bro. wild.

[peaky-shelby]

NEW ROMANTICS X MBAPPÉ [13]

» summary: in which an arrogant and talented football player (the best of his time as some say) and a focused and harsh critic of a journalist are gonna have to find a way to co-exist.

» chapter 13: back to the start

» Writer's note: this chapter was especially hard to write Because we are so close to the finish line and i don't want to end 😭😭😭 hope you got tissues with you!! See you at the end!

» Taglist: @moonchildohh @formulahoe @princetongirlll818 @mavieesttriste16 @kiwisa @godessstela @hummusxx @kodzuvk @pink-manz @corbyns-smile @ippid @jayruiewo265738 @blueanfield @mrs-bellingham @sorceresski @sooblovebot  @okayymochi @army7g @j-rbps @heli991113  @markhyucksmells @chaotic-taco-collector-blog @i0veless @photmath @http-isabela @rainytelevisionfilmwagon

@formula101x @neymarloverxxx @cepolar @freespirit-51 @marialikescherries @superswaggycooch @lunasmindinwriting @shadysandwichghoul @contrastedfandom @alexxcorona113 @951am @jinsoulorbitzen12 @books-loverss @l0verl4ne @kypostsblog @bluberrycheezk @hottieluvr @calcaneous @444jodie @dudde-44 @neysgf @wallflowerjournal @p4rkyonce @toclic @kyliannnkkk  @mad-die45 @mentalbaddie @karotland @et-in-arcadia-ego77 @kymb-10

“You and Mason figuring things out again, ha?” he questioned, ones they reached the outdoor venue and hid behind a wall, so no one would see them. Taylor snorted at the comment, she could hear jealousy all over his tone, she could even feel him staring at her. She turned around to face him.

“Back to being an asshole again, ha?”

“You sure he won’t be looking for you right now?”

“What are you doing here?” she asked but the question sounded more stupid out loud then it did on her mind. Of course, he was here, he was supposed to be here with the French team. It would be weird if he wasn’t. She looked at his leg “I mean why are you not locked up in a hospital or something with that horrible leg.”

“Same reason you are not locked up in your bedroom after writing that horrible article.”

She laughed, an evil laugh. She bit her tongue annoyed, crossing her arms and looking away because that was a low blow and it seemed like they were back to their old ways. The times when they bit on each other like cats and dogs and scarred one another deep.

“I’m not doing this.” She said and walked past him. He grabbed her arm, forcing her to turn to him again, pulling her close to him. He had missed her skin, her perfume, her aura. He wished she’d go on calling him a piece of shit if that meant she’d stay for another minute with him and ignore Mason Mount. He moved his hand up her arm, making sure the contact gave away his dirty thoughts. Because he wanted her to know, he still thought about her under him or over him.

She looked at his hand, memories swarming in her mind like flies of all the times he’d done that in Paris. Kylian made a step forward, leaking his lips and looking up and down at her. She looked different. The fire in her eyes was gone, like she had no will to fight him at all.

“How did you do it?” she asked suddenly. His eyes lifted up to hers, he wasn’t sure what she meant. She pulled her arm away, replacing his touch with her own by putting her hand over where his used to be. “I can imagine but I want to know for sure. Why didn’t she release the article about us? It was ready! It would have been front page. The biggest headline. So why, did it never break out?”

“Why does it matter--”

“Because it does!” she snapped. “So, tell me, or this conversation is over.” He hesitated. Hid his hands in his pockets. She examined him, her suspicious getting confirmed while she looked at him. “How much did you give her and what else did you promise her because it couldn’t have been just money!” he didn’t respond. She went closer, slapped his arm “how fucking much, Kylian?” she asked louder, tried to hit him again but he snatched her hands—

“Arrêtés!” he yelled, his eyes staring right in hers and she tried to push him away but he pulled her closer instead, their chest bumping onto each other. She looked at his lips, it was an instinct. She craved him as much as she hated him. He angled himself so he’d have access to her lips if he wanted to, if he needed to. “I told you before you left that I’d stop it and that’s what I did. The how is not important.”

“My savior” she mumbled but there was so much irony in her voice, it made him distance himself, take a good look at her. He narrowed his eyes.

“That’s what you have to say?”

“I have a bomb over my head for the rest of my life, what do you want me to say? I Left because I was ready for it to explode and now, I have to look over my shoulder, listening to all these endless rumors—”

“You left because you wanted to ran away—”

“Yes, and you made sure I have to keep running by ‘protecting’ me—”

“Protecting you?” now he would be the one to get defensive, regretful of thinking even for a moment that he could show his true emotions for his ex coach “Don’t give yourself so much credit, I did it for me, as I do everything, hasn’t that been your complaint ever since you met me?” She didn’t answer. “I mean imagine, talented player, can’t hold himself together around an assistant. Pitiful, I’d say!” Something broke inside of her, something she didn’t know she had. He bit his tongue, tasting the poison before speaking he next words “At the end of the day it’s not my fault if you go on fucking footballers and the story comes back around—”

It was a hard slap. He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t expect it or deserved it. When he looked up again, he could see her eyes, swollen, red and tears under them. He had been the cause of that, same way she had been the cause of his aching cheek and it seemed that all the two were capable of was hurting each other, even when they wanted to help.

Trish could hear her ringtone, she knew her phone was somewhere in the bathroom stall, definitely not in her dress pocket anymore. No, that space was filled by Jude’s hands instead while he was leaving his taste on her lips, kissing every corner of her mouth. She was tied on him, pinned against the glass walls that separated the stalls and breathing him in. How did they find themselves in these situations, she didn’t know but she liked it. She opened her eyes to search for the device but a moan left her lips immediately after as she felt Jude sucking on her neck, making her forget what she was looking for in the first place. The phone went silent for a moment, the ringtone echoed again and she tried to untangle herself from the tall beautiful man but he held her tighter, his lips finding hers again.

“let it ring.” He whispered in her mouth.

“You’re being needy.”

“Bite me,” he responded quickly.

Trish laughed “Metaphorically or Literally?”

Jude pulled away only so she could see the sneaky grin on his face “both.”

Trish couldn’t hide her smile as dived in his neck, left bites on his veins. Despite their need to stay locked with each other, the phone didn’t seem like it was going to give up. Trish groaned on his neck and jumped off, she ducked and found the phone under the toilet. As she got up, Jude put his arms around her, to keep her close while she answered the call but she pulled away just seconds later, and turned around to face him, a terrified expression in her eyes.

“Oh my god—” she whispered before hiding her mouth in shock.

“I’m sorry..” it was an honest apology. It came a few minutes later after he had spoken his brutal and offensive words. She had turned her back on him, he was looking at the floor, his hand over his aching cheekbone. She sniffed in her tears, wiping them with the back of her hand. Perhaps this is how it would always be between the two, hurting and healing each other simultaneously. She nodded, knowing that she must have said worst to him at some point, so did she really have any right to be mad at him? Well… even if she did, she had no strength to. His warmth came like a veil around her, as he walked closer and embraced her from behind, his head lost in her hair. He whispered the words that she’d never admit out loud: “Tu m'as manqué.” He kissed her neck, the way he used to in her small apartment, in the city of love, the moments of sin and weakness that they shared. She let him, he kept going, she ached to turn and face him, kiss him, taste him. His fingers crawled slightly under her shirt, the skin to skin contact making both of them dizzy and she was so close to letting go of her defenses, sinking into him, an ocean that if she could breath underwater, she’d stay in forever.

She turned, their lips inches from each other, it’s that moment before jumping in the water, you know it’s gonna be cold and endless, it scares you.

“TAY!”

She moved away, behind her stood a breathless Trish and a worried looking Jude. Something was wrong, she just didn’t know what. Trish hesitated, like the words were stuck on her lips but she couldn’t find the strength to speak them. Taylor noticed the way that Jude had his hand placed on her shoulder. She moved closer to them, losing Kylian’s warmth completely. “What happened?” Trish never said it. Her eyes were loud enough. “Is he ok?”

“In the hospital.” Said Jude.

“Beth tried to call you—” taylor looked in her bag for her phone, she tried to open it but the battery had died, typical.

“Fuck!” She threw her phone back in her bag and walked away, heading to the parking lot for her car. Her heartbeat echoed in her mind. Jude stepped in front of her, his tall figure blocking her view .

“You’re not driving.” He said strictly “I’ll take you and Trish to the hospital.”

Kylian watched the scene unfold, feeling helpless yet again. He followed them to Jude’s car, only stopping when they got in. He stood by the window. “let me know how he is.”

“I will.” She said, part of her wanting him to come with her, to hold her if the worst case scenario were to come true. He gave her hand a light squeeze and he stepped back to let the car leave.

Lily Wilock, was a vibrant girl. She had long black hair, curly, like her mother’s Beth. She didn’t know a lot about the world yet. She hadn’t known any heartache in her life either, but there was something about this night. Everyone had a worried expression, the bright hospital lights were hurting her eyes and she wanted to sleep but even her mother’s hug felt weird like she wasn’t completely with her. She knew her dad, Charlie, was somewhere in one of those white rooms, sleeping because he needed more help than usual and these rooms were more relaxing than usual rooms, or at least that’s what she was told. It was the sound of quick footsteps that had her turning her head as she sat on the black couch in the hall. That’s when she saw her sister, running, Trish was with her, she was always funny. And a man that she had met a couple of times—she liked him because last time she saw him, he ha picked her up on hos shoulders and she felt like she could see the whole world from up there.

“How is he?” Asked Taylor and lily looked up at her, biting her finger while watching at the grown ups. The tall man walked up to her, kneeling in front of her so they were the same height and smiled, waving, taking her attention off the conversation that Taylor was having with her mother.

“Look at you, all grown up. You’re almost taller than me!”

Lily laughed, blushing and hiding her face “Am not!” she said.

“Yes you are look!” he moved his hand between them, making it look like hers was higher than his and the two of them laughed. It was a loud laugh that came out of lily, one that you don’t hear in hospital hallways. Taylor looked at them, remembering that she had to put a mask on for her sister. She went and knelt next to Jude, forcing a smile on her face.

“He says I’m tall!” complained Lily.

“Does he?” asked Taylor, the color of her voice coming out sadder than she meant it to.

“Look how tall you can be—” Jude picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder again and spinning her around. Trish sat next to Taylor, patting her shoulder. And she had to go against every emotion and need in her body, to not start crying because she knew exactly what was going to follow.

Trish and Jude left a few hours later, if she was in her right mind, she would have questioned them leaving together. But she wasn’t. At some point she drifted off to sleep with lily in her arms. Her mind was awake, ready to hear the alarm, but her body had given in and there was something about listening to a little kid breathing in her sleep. She opened her eyes when she felt a slight tickling on her cheek, she thought it’d be Beth and almost jumped of the couch but it was someone else. Dressed in his hoody, black sunglasses to hide his eyes and a mask to cover his features. No one else could recognize him, but she knew his touch all too well.

“Ky?” she whispered.

“hey.”

“You came.”

“You called.”

Taylor smiled, she looked at Lily who had found a hiding place in her arms and at Beth who was sitting in the end of the couch, head laid on her hand. Kylian smiled at Lily. “She’s cuter in person.” Taylor hummed in response, rubbing her eyes. “You wanna go get some coffee?” he asked and she nodded, carefully moving away from lily and getting up, she told Beth she’d be back in just a few minutes with coffee for the both of them.

Taylor was still wearing her mini dress, but Jude had left his jacket for her. Kylian would have offered his hoodie if he wasn’t scared of being recognized. They walked in silence, their fingers almost brushing as they walked. Taylor ordered their coffees but Kylian handed his card to the barista before she had time to pay. The barista took a good look at him but didn’t say anything. The two of them made their way back to where they were before, Kylian took the opportunity and interlocked his hand with hers, making her stop and pulled her in a private corner they could be alone for a minute. He moved his mask down and she took of his sunglasses because she needed to look at them. He leaned his forehead on hers, giving her any energy he had. She held his hand tighter and let her body drop on his chest, he rubbed her back, silence. That’s where the two of them thrived, that’s where they understood each other the most.

“Have you heard anything about Luna?” she asked suddenly.

He held back his smile “she’s thriving.”

“I miss her.” She paused “can you tell your friend to send some pictures?”

He stroked her hair behind her ear. “I’ll tell him.”

“thanks.” She answered and lowered her head. He noticed, sorrow returning.

“He’ll be ok—”

“Don’t say that.” She said quickly.

He hesitated “what do you want me to say?”

So many things, she thought. He brushed her hair, kissing the top of her head. “I don’t know.” He moved his hand to her cheek, lifting her head and kissing her temple, then her cheek, then the corner of her lips and she could taste the salt all over her skin.

The two started moving again, Kylian putting on his disguise like before, hiding his face and walking back to Beth but her entire body froze as she made the turn. Beth was up, standing in front of the doctor, head low, her whispers echoing in the empty hallways, lily laying on the couch, cuddled with her knees, still sleeping. Taylor’s knees couldn’t hold her up, her hands couldn’t hold the coffee cups, she dropped them, dropped herself on the floor too. Kylian tried to keep her up, pulling her hand but he didn’t insist. He let her crumble and he had never heard her making these sounds, these broken sounds, a low scream, combined with sobs and mumbling. She held on the fabric of his shirt, making a fist with her hand as she trembled, so fragile, he thought. So fucking fragile.

How do you move on from such a loss? When the hand that has been holding you through everything, turns cold. Only thing she can remember from that night is moving between different embraces, the sound of cries, hers and Beth’s. The doctor’s eyes. No one tells you about that, how the doctor’s eyes get imprinted in your brain, stay in you thought every time you try to think about the one you lost. No one tells you that even when you’re in the funeral, ready to say goodbye you think about them as if they are alive, expecting them to call as soon as the reception is over. You save a seat for them in church because you were used to saving it for them your entire life. And your last conversation remains on repeat in your head, analyzing every last word, lingering on everything they said.

“Why do you stay? You’re not even happy there.” He told her, the night before the party, the night before he left.

“I’m content.” She lied, now she whished she hadn’t. Her father coughed, it was a rough cough, she should have known.

“You’re settling.”

She looked at him, thinking about his face now, she could see all the signs, the circles under his eyes, his torn lips, his weak color. She could have saved him perhaps, if she wasn’t lost in her thoughts. “Maybe I am. But at least I’m home. It’d be the same in Paris.”

“Paris scares you for all it’s possibilities.”

“Paris scares me for all it’s dangers.” She admitted, looking down at the blanket that she had hidden under, pulling one of the loose threads, scratching her nail against it. “Should have let go of football when god told me to.”

“Since when do you believe in God?” he asked, almost laughing. “had to drag you in church when you were a kid, you weren’t a fan of it when you were a teenager either—“

“People change.” She said, but she was smiling because she knew how stupid she must have sounded.

“Yeah they do. When they are looking for an excuse.” She looked up at him, her smile fading away. “you’re forcing yourself out, telling everyone it’s your decision while convincing yourself it’s your only decision.” He always had the most brutal truths under his tongue, she pulled harder on the thread “No one tells you to turn back to PSG, but you could have a career in this and you are not chasing it—” he coughed, his voice getting raspier “I’ll always blame myself for you missing your first chance—”

“Pa—”

“Now it’s your choice.” He moved closer to her, placed his hand on her heart “it could beat forever and it would never be enough unless it’s in the rhythm you want it to. Don’t let it die in silence.”

Silence. There was so much silence as she stared at his coffin, little lily holding her arm and leaning on it, a reminder of what she was left with to protect. He was gone now, and the only thing Lily had left of him was Taylor, that gave her a sense of responsibility. For the afternoon, lily and Beth went to stay with Beth’s mother, she told them that she could pass by there at night but she wanted to home first, change. In reality all she wanted to was to be alone, think about everything and sink in her sorrow, in hopes that she’d find the bottom at some point. She parked the car right outside of her house, paying little attention to her surroundings. She got out, playing with the keys in her hands when she noticed a familiar set of shoes, and she looked up, she held her keys tighter. She was happy to see him.

“Jude gave me your address.” She nodded. “I would have come to the funeral too but I didn’t—” she raised her hand to stop him.

“It’s best that you didn’t. last thing I needed was paparazzi trying to get a picture of you. There were already whispers about Bellingham being there, I can’ imagine what would happen if you showed up.” She said while walking closer to him. She noticed he was holding a paper bag in his hands and his eyes were soft, she tried to remember if she had seen them as soft in the past. She let out a breath, like she had reached sore after a long way out in the water. She let her body fall on his chest as he shielded her with his arms. “my eyes are dry.” She mumbled “didn’t think that was possible.” He rubbed her back and lowered her head to her ear.

“wanna go inside?”

“yeah.” She whispered and the moved away to get to the door. She unlocked it, stepping in the house, expecting to hear her father’s footsteps running down the stairs, lily screaming her name, Beth cooking in the kitchen. It was empty. No sounds, no movements, just ghost. She told Kylian to leave his coat on the hanger behind the door and walked in the kitchen, ignoring the chilling silence in the house.

“Coffee or tea?” she asked, keeping her mind occupied, as she left her bag on the kitchen counter and opened the cupboards. Kylian came in a moment later, examining the art on the walls, the decorations, toys all over the floor, lily’s he imagined. There was so much color, so much coziness that he felt like he was trespassing to a home he was never invited to.

“tea.” He said, still looking around the kitchen. He could almost imagine the whole family in this room, laughing, teasing each other, a little sad that he never got to experience it with them. His thoughts halted when he heard Taylor hissing and cursing, he looked at her. She was holding her thumb rubbing it and he imagined she had burned herself. He moved closer, coming up behind her while she rumbled about how much she hated this kettle and she always told her father he must buy a new one. Her words fell sort as soon as he embraced her, pulling her to his chest to comfort her and he could almost hear the tears coming. She grasped his arm, her nails almost digging on his skin and he lowered his head to her neck, his grip getting tighter as more sobs escaped her mouth. Weak sobs at first that turned to heartbreaking noises, similar to the ones she made at the hospital. She used her other hand to rub her face, turning around and finding solace in his hug. He picked her up slowly, walked with her to the couch.

“The tea” she whispered.

“I’ll get them.” He said as he sat her down on the pillows and used the spare blanket on the edge of the bed to cover her. He went back in the kitchen for a few minutes, returning with the cups and leave them on the coffee table before finding his seat next, she moved a little forward so he’d sit behind her. He threw his arm around her, bringing her closer to him and she got comfortable on his scent, feeling slightly lucky that he happened to be here, that she was able to feel his skin on hers. She closed her eyes and breathed out a sigh, sniffing in her sadness. He kissed the top of her head and let her cry, without saying anything. He reached for one of the cups and held it in front of her, helped her take a long sip. He was wondering if she had eaten anything in the last 24 hours, he doubted it. He let the cup back on table and brought her even closer, tucking the blanket so she her body wasn’t exposed to any coldness.

“just when I think I’m out of tears—” she wiped away some with her palm, her voice coming out rough. He drew circles on her arm under the blanket and lowered his head, so he could kiss her ear. “It feels like it’s never going to end.” She said, a sob breaking her sentence, her moved her closer to him.

“It will.” He whispered. “it’ll get better.” She gazed at the wall, her mind felt empty.

“It’s not about me I’m more worried about, you know.” She admitted. She moved a little, only so she’d be able to look at him. “it’s lily.” Kylian didn’t know what to say to that, there were no right words. “I met him, I lived him.” She smiled “he was my everything for a long time, what sucks is that she…” she paused, trying to breathe through the pain “she won’t know him.” More tears came rolling down, she shrugged her shoulders “she won’t know what it’s like to have him screaming your name on the bleachers, when he—” she sniffed “tries to be angry but fails—” she laughed at the memories. He watched her carefully, stroking her hair while she spoke “and you know Beth will do a great job but she should have… she should have gotten the chance to live a life with him the way I did.” He wiped the tears for her this time, she leaned on his touch, hyperventilating. “what if she forgets him?”

“that won’t happen. At the end of the day, she’s got you for the rest of her life to remind her of him. Right?” It was so confusing that he’d ever let this woman as close, it was an unfamiliar feeling that he couldn’t translate. How much he cared about holding her together, how he wanted to cuddle her until the storm passed, there was a warmth on his chest, a realization that was settling right over his heart about how he felt about that woman. “have you eaten anything?” he questioned and she shook her head. He went to get up but she pulled his sweater.

“please.” She mumbled and he stayed where he was, didn’t move at all, if that’s what she needed, that’s what he would give her. She turned her head so her nose would be pressed against his chest. And they stayed like that for a while, tangled with each other. He felt her calming, her breathing stabilizing, she’d hold his fingers, play mindlessly with them. An electricity washed over him when she brought his hand closer to her lips and kissed it, he closed his eyes, blocking out any dirty thoughts because it wasn’t the time. “where’d you get that?” she asked suddenly and he looked at his hand, she was rubbing her thumb over a long scar he had on the back of his hand. Kylian smiled but shook his head.

“Can’t remember.”

“Did you get a cat at campus?” she interrogated her finger now brushing over a scar on his arm, that he had forgotten was there. She tilted her head back, forcing herself to smile at him “or was it a lady?”

Kylian laughed, bending his head on hers “nah haven’t met one with nails as sharp as yours yet.” Taylor snorted, closing her eyes as she enjoyed the closeness. Maybe he could help her forget for one night.

“then it must be a cat.” She hummed “I only know one that hates you as much.” Kylian bit his lip, he didn’t want to tell her, as if he would be admitting to a crime. “you said you gave her away.”

He didn’t respond. He stared at her closed eyes, waiting for her to open them so he could look in her soul. He stroked her chin with his thumb. “I said I’d try.”

She smiled, leaning closer to him, their noses brushing against each other. “Is it that hard to find a cat a home these days?”

He dug his hands under her hair. “had to be sure they deserved her.”

She finally opened her eyes, the two of them looking one another like they were about to kiss for the first time. “why didn’t you tell me?”

“I felt like I was stealing her.”

She shook her head, looked down at the threads of his sweatshirt and started playing with one of them “you could never steal anything from me. Seems I keep on giving everything to you.” He lifted her chin with his index finger, so he could lock eyes with her again. She smiled “how is she?”

“I told you, she’s thriving.”

“Buying her the most expensive cat food, are you?”

“Taking her out for walks and all that shit.”

“Do your new girls like her?”

“They never stay around too long for them to find her.”

She scoffed, he noticed the spark in her eyes returning “does she hide under the bed?”

“You remember the high cupboards in the kitchen?”

She hummed

“She stays there all day.”

Taylor placed her hand on his chest “does she sleep here like she used to when you’d come in the apartment?”

He held her hand “some nights.”

“You didn’t have to keep her.”

“elle me fait penser à toi.” [she reminds me of you.] He confessed in a warm breath that hit her face, his gaze remaining focused on her eyes. For all his fear of making eye contact, he didn’t look away even for a second, neither did she. A smile creeped on her face, he wondered if he understood what he said, the familiar heat he used to feel around her returning. Sher leaned in, connecting her lips with his, a sort, emotional kiss, a taste, a slight brush. Then they pulled away, not too much, just enough so he’d look in her eyes.

“Tu m’as manqué aussi” she said in a low tone, balancing her head on his. He couldn’t hide his smile when he heard her speak his language, he wished his could, he wished his hands were tied behind his back as well, so he wouldn’t give in to his thoughts. He didn’t have time to do any of these things because she kissed him again, this time with more force, like she was trying to steal something from him.

“Taylor…” he mumbled in between her lips. She didn’t stop. She climbed on him, getting as close as she could and he had no strength or will to push her away, he wanted this as much as she did. But something in him screamed that it was wrong, that she was too broken and he was taking advantage of it. His hands slid down to her hips, trying to put some force, so she’d stop. She moved back only an inch. He held her face. “you’re too vulnerable”

“I know exactly what I’m getting myself into…” He closed his eyes, remembering of all the times they said this to each other. Of all the times they used it as an excuse. “promise” she added, leaving a peck on his lips “I need you ky.”

He leaned in, sucking on her lips, giving her what she asked for. “are you sure?”

She nodded quickly, leaving a sloppy kiss on his cheek. Her fingers crawled under his shirt, making their way round his biceps, remembering his shape, remembering him. He kissed her, the spot right under her chin, remembering the feeling of her skin on his lips and she locked herself on him for a moment before getting off him, slowly, dragging his hand with her, signaling him to get up.

He did. Their fingers interlocking. He pulled them up to his lips, leaving a trail of kisses as she walked with him to the stairs that led to the bedrooms. He followed, silent, calm and intrigued, she could lead him anywhere and he wouldn’t complain. The reached one of the closed doors. She stopped in front of it, turning to him, he trapped her between him and the door, kissing her again, realizing how much he actually missed her. She pushed down the handle of the door, un-trapping herself and stepping backwards at her room. Her space. There was something different about being in her family house, like he had only seen a version of her in the apartment she was renting in Paris, like she had only let him in halfway through until now. She kept walking until she reached her double bed, a curtain hanging from either side. They stood in front of it, as if they had never touched each other again, like it was the first time.

In a way it was. A chance to go back to the start, when their bodies burned under the same sheets. He made a step closer and she reached for his jumper. He stopped her, his hands covering hers. “no rush” he whispered and moved her hands away. He didn’t care about his own satisfaction, even though he knew he’d get it, he wanted to be sure that he’d get her as high as possible, tonight wasn’t for the both of them, it was for her. His fingertips, caressed her cheekbone, her eyes closed, she was enjoying it. He took his time, moving his finger around her face, until he reached her lips, where his thumb dragged her bottom li. It was dry, it was colorless, he wanted to change that. So he kissed her, she tried to fasten it, but he didn’t let her. He searched for the buttons of her black cotton dress, started unbuttoning it from the bottom-up while his lips gave life to hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him deeper, forcing the kiss to last longer. She pulled his jumper again, pulling it off him, over his shoulders and exposing his muscular arms. She let the clothing item drop on the floor and stepped on it as she got closer to him, he returned to her neck, his favorite place in her body, pleasing her any way he knew how. “jump” he whispered in her neck as he instantly picked her up on his arms and sat with her on the bed, kissing the exposed skin in between her dress. His lips in between her breast working like a drug in her mind. She’d let herself in his mercy for the night. He took of his shirt, uncovering himself and she got drunk simply by the sight. She leaned on him, clinging onto him while slid the dress off her shoulders and let it fall off. Still taking his time, choosing his kisses carefully, making sure every inch of her body was touched and shivering. He picked her up and maneuvered his body, so she’d be laying down and he’d be on top. He pushed her up on the bed, so her neck would be comfortable on the pillows and toyed with the thread of her bra, debating whether he should take it off yet or not.

He chose not to, instead left kisses all over body, from her collarbone to her breast, to her stomach, he knew the way like the back of his hand, like it was home. He heard her whimpering, eyeing her before continuing his trip by kissing her thighs, both of them. There was something different about the way he was holding her this time around. Like the time apart changed their little dance. And she couldn’t pin point the difference yet but she liked it. He came back up, pulling down his pants with his one hand, she helped.

And they continued touching and kissing, getting to know each other’s bodies again, until the could both feel it was time to get lost in each other. He could feel him in between her thighs, hesitant, looking in her eyes, asking for permission that she gave freely with a nod. He lowered his head to her neck and before entering her he whispered to her ear “Ma petite mort.” And then he slid on her, pushing a moan out of her lips that filled the room, echoed in the walls of her childhood bedroom that has changed over the years to mirror who she was as she’d grow up. It took her a while in the haze for her to translate his words—

“is that what love is to you?”

“I think it’s fair to say it weakens your consciousness. Has you dying and awakening repeatedly.”

“How did you say it?” she bit on her bottom lip.

“la petite mort”

Except he didn’t say La. He said Ma. Such small difference. Such heavy confession.

Her eyes opened as realization hit, while he was still inside her and hidden in her neck and her body felt so light in that moment, so fragile. And she wished she could confess the same to him, find a way to tell him she felt the same way. He lifted his head from her body, looked in her eyes, she pulled his head down so she could kiss him, let him taste the words she couldn’t tell out loud.

Next morning the sun creeped in through the curtains that they had let open during the night. He woke up with her body still laying on his, still asleep and as fragile as he remembered it. He checked the time and knew he had to leave soon, catch the flight back home—odd, if he was meant to go home, why did this feel like home as well? He gazed at her rosy cheekbones, how her face was squeezed on the pillow, her chest going and down as she’d let out a fragile breath, he gazed at her like she was a painting, meant for his eyes only. He kissed her nose and moved away, searching his clothes around the room, he put on his pants and his shirt. Picked up his jumper and left it on the bed for her. He leaned over to her, leaving another kiss on the eyebrow and she moved slightly, awakening from the hypnosis he had put her under.

“I have to go.” She reached for his arm, holding it gently. He kissed her, one last kiss. “we’ll talk.” He spoke in her lips. She nodded and let him distance himself. When opened the bedroom door, she sat up and put on the jumper he had left for her. She wanted to go behind him, tell him a proper goodbye, but she was terrified that if she did, she wouldn’t let him go at all. She slowly walked out of the bedroom, listening to him picking his stuff when suddenly she heard voices—“shit” she mumbled and ran downstairs.

Kylian was standing by the front step, laughing at something, talking to someone. She had to get to next to him to see her little sister talking. “lily, where’s Ma?”

“In the kitchen.” She said with her tiny voice. Kylian looked at taylor, a little embarrassed at the situation. Taylor didn’t really know what to say either. “What’s Mbappe doing here?” she asked. Taylor opened her mouth slightly, searching for the right words.

“I wanted to make sure your sister was ok.” He said quickly, then he kneeled to her height. “I’m a close friend” he explained.

“Lily!” Beth came in the living room, holding glass of orange juice. Taylor looked immediately at her, regretful of the circumstances “Oh—” she mouthed but held herself from saying anything else. “Sorry, I didn’t realize—” while the grown ups were occupied feeling awkward about everything, lily ha gone closer to Kylian, put her hand in his ear and whispered

“can we be friends too?”

Kylian smiled, the awkwardness melting away as he looked to the little girl’s eyes. He nodded “you can come to Paris with your sister one day.”

“I’m not as good in football. Mark talks about you all the time, he even has a notebook with your face on it.”

“Is mark your friend?”

She shook her head, hiding begin the doll she was holding. Taylor stepped closer. “we’ve got a little crush on mark you see.”

“Oh—” he laughed “do we? Well, what can I possibly help with that? You think he’d like it if you have him autograph of mine?”

She nodded, smiling. Taylor went and found a piece of paper quickly and a pen, giving both to Kylian. He signed even wrote a message for mark and gave it to lily. They took a picture together and he excused himself, said he had to go to the airport. Taylor showed him to the door, the two of them standing out of his car.

“Thanks for that.” She smiled.

“Uh don’t think about it. I know what it’s like crushing over a Wilock girl.”

“Technically she is the one crushing over him.” She corrected. Kylian pulled her closer y the long sleeves of his jumper.

“I’ve left a bag for you. In the kitchen. It’s some gifts by the boys.”

“They still think about me?”

“Some more than others.” He smirked.

“Did you tell them about…?”

“No. I thought best to tell them in person and I wasn’t sure if you wanted too either.”

“Thanks. Yeah, you can tell them when you get there. Tell them I’ll be ok.”

“I will, because I know you will.”

She stroked his cheekbone, grinned. “last night was nice.”

“Yeah” he licked his lips and chewed on his bottom one.

She kissed his cheek, her lips lingering on his cheek “fly safe.”

He kissed her back and got in his car, driving away.

For the rest of the day she had to answer calls and messages, condolences and everything that she had been ignoring. After the 10th call, she felt like she was she was a robot, reciting the same thing over and over again. People she hadn’t spoken to in years were calling, telling her how much they loved her father, some of it felt so fake to her, she wanted to yell at them.

She plummeted herself on one of the chairs in the kitchen table, shutting off her phone and throwing it on the table. “I don’t want to talk to any more of them.”

“Then don’t” said Beth, while she was mixing the soup. Taylor looked at her.

“What are you making?”

“Chicken soup.” She glanced at her “do you mind fixing the table? Dr. Rhodes we should try keeping a routine for Lily’s sake.”

“Yeah…” she nodded and got up. Then she noticed the bag on the middle of the table and sat back down “god I forgot about this.”

“What is it?”

Taylor untangled the bow and opened the bag “Kylian gave it to me, I don’t know.” She put her hand, searching for the random items and took out a dozen pictures. “Bloody hell…” she looked at them, her heart melting at the memories. They were pictures of her and the boys. Pictures of when they won against AL NSSR, or when they had a water fight on campus. She sensed the heat of a tear under her eye. A picture of her and Neymar, looking like dorks. A picture of her in her blue Dior dress, next to Ramos. She let out a laugh. Beth turned to her, letting down spoon she was trying the soup with and went closer.

“Are these from Paris?”

“Yeah.” She said. She looked back in the bag, found a napkin, she picked out and realized—“I’m gonna kill him.” She whimpered, she didn’t mean it of course, all she wanted to do was kiss him. She read the names on the napkin, remembered writing them herself, the first night that she went out with the whole team. The jokes the shared, Neymar being a little too flirty. Kylian staring at her, a gaze that at that point she couldn’t decipher but now she longed for every time she closed her eyes.

“You look happy.” Said Beth, taking her out of her thoughts. She turned her attention to her, confused. Beth dragged back one of the chairs and sat down next to taylor. “Love the dress” she said as she picked out the picture with her and Ramos. Taylor forced a smile and looked back on the bag, there was as shirt in the bottom, she took out, it was with the psg colors, her name on the back, number 16 under it. She was bawling, but these tears tasted differently. “Aw sweetie.” Beth moved her chair closer to taylor and cuddled her like any mother would. She rubbed her head.

“The night before he left, he told me I should go back and I told him I couldn’t because I had him here and I couldn’t leave him—” she could hardly breathe “and now he’s gone and I got you and lily, I can’t leave you either—”

“Hun, listen to me—” Beth pulled away, forcing taylor to look at her, cradling her face “you are not gonna stay here for us.” Even she was crying now “Lily doesn’t need you to stay. She needs you to show her what life can be. She needs to see her older succeed in all the ways that you have. You know how proud I am that she’s got you to look up to?”

“Why do I always have to let go of something in order to get something else? It’s not fair—”

“Oh love…” Beth stroked her hair, her expression filled with compassion and love “unfortunately life is that way sometimes. And possibly this won’t be the last time you’ve got to make a choice like this but as your father would tell you—whatever will be, will be.” Taylor rubbed her nose; she was a mess. “As long as we are terrifying of wanting, that’s when life gets us down. Losing Charlie, it will haunt me forever, but he always cheered for us to get what we wanted, didn’t he? He was such a believer in knowing what you want, with no fear or embarrassment. Always sad that you were so scared of admitting to your own wants.” She smiled, kissing her temple “go to Paris. Be with him, be with the team, whatever you want and that’s when you’ll find balance.”

Taylor nodded and fell in her arms, in the back of her mind, thinking it was her father, that was holding her. She sank in the thought.

When everyone went to bed, she stayed in the living room, she had the lights low, the fireplace open. She was looking at the pictures, her t-shirt laid on the couch, while her computer stayed open on the table, on a booking website for airplane tickets. It was a simple and she’d go back, not necessarily to stay but to get a taste, she if she wanted or even if she could stay. She let down the pictures, leaned forward on the computer and clicked it.

No one said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard.

IM SORRY I PROMISE I NEVER MEANT FOR THIS STORY TO HE SO SAD ITS THE CHARACTERS 😭😭😭😭😭 god this one was a hard to write but i do hope you liked it!!! As Always your comments are welcomed and needed, especially now that we are so close to the end. The plan is for only two more chapters but it all depends to how long ch14 will be. What do you guys think now that it's ending? What has been your favorite moment and what do you think will happen? Will these two finally be happy in the city of stars 👀✨ keep an eye out for all the hints. Ending has already been revealed. Love you all so so much!!!

[jjtheresidentbaby]

no rush if you’re not into it at the moment, but could i get some sbg headcanons of Aiden being a chaotic toddler regressor? hes such a cool dude and seeing as how unhinged he already is i think he’d make a pretty crazy regressor o_O

— 🐝

Little Aiden Clark headcanons

a/n: god you are so right about him being completely chaos. this got long asf sorrrryyy

warnings: don’t like don’t read! (specifically putting this here for the sbg fandom), swearing, talk of canon events/fighting/phantom dimension, slight taylor/ben- pretending the asylum plot dosent exist bc this is my post and i get to play god <3

he regresses pre canon with just ben around to watch him and it’s not as chaotic as he is in canon but it’s a lot

his parents & ben’s leave them home alone all the time or at some random hotel while they’re doing work things so aiden is free to bounce off the walls as he pleases

one time he steals a maintenance cart in the hallway of a hotel and ben nearly has a heart attack trying to stop him from going down the stairs on it

will put anything in his mouth.

he’s peak toddler ‘don’t eat that!’

ben doesn’t talk so instead of telling him not to eat things he has to write it down or he just bangs his hand on the table/available surface til aiden spits it out

sugary cereal enthusiast

since he spent so many mornings at hotel he grew accustomed to eating the provided cereals, ie those small boxes of cereal

him & ben definitely stole half the supply and shoved them into ben’s backpack for later when aiden inevitably asked for more

cannot sit still as is but when he’s regressed it gets really bad

many many park trips or beach trips when allowed

him & ben used to play “catch” but it’s more like fetch… as ben would throw the ball as far as possible and aiden would get it just to bring it back to be thrown again

no they never thought about strange this was until taylor said something when she found out about it later on

when canon happens aiden stops regressing for a while

mostly because he can’t get into his headspace when he’s that stressed out but also he’s too exhausted to do his normal kiddo activities so he ends up sad and mopey while regressed

ben hates this.

every single time aiden has said he was going to regress and he needed ben to watch over him only for an hour to go by and aiden hasn’t done a single activity pulled out for him and has just sat there looking depressed- yeah it pushes ben one step closer to losing his shit in the phantom dimension

eventually it gets to a point that the rest of the group gets concerned because ben is angrier than normal and aiden is sadder than normal

they have an “intervention” of sorts and sit the cousins down to talk

ben’s anger deflates as he listens to aiden mumble out how he hasn’t been able to regress and how it’s making him emotional

cue everyone in the room having their heart BROKE cause he sounds & looks like a kicked puppy stg

ashlyn already knows what age regression is (cough she regresses cough) and is able to fill the others in with logan’s help as he also knows what it is

taylor is instantly jumping to take care of aiden and help him regress

tyler goes into Big Brother Mode™️ and tells aiden extremely seriously that he will watch over him and protect him

they don’t realize aiden’s regression is pure chaos yet

but anyway- they schedule a day at aiden’s house where his parents won’t be around and he can regress with all his friends there to encourage him and help him feel better

cue the insanity and impulsiveness that is happy regressed aiden

he is climbing counters, trying to tackle tyler, stealing logan’s glasses to put on and run around in (he runs face first into a door cause he’s already uncoordinated & now has strong ass glasses on), he drags taylor around the entire house giving her a “tour” where he gets side tracked in each room and leaves a mess behind for later aiden to worry about

he doesn’t bother ashlyn much during the day, honestly a little worried with how she’s taking his regression as she struggles showing lots of emotions in expressions and little aiden relies on expressions a lot

but dinner time rolls around and ashlyn and ben start to cook and he’s suddenly very interested in the task

she gently guides him through what each step is, calming him down a fair amount in the process

taylor may or may not have a million photos from this day in her camera rolls & in polaroid form

somehow aiden convinces tyler & ashlyn to play tag in the backyard after dinner

logan & taylor have videos of aiden hiding in the bushes just to jump out onto tylers back while yelling for ashlyn to come tag him

he thinks he’s smaller than he actually is

since he regresses so young he forgets that he’s actually taller than ash and about the same height as tyler

he gets very disappointed when tyler says he’s too heavy to carry around - yes tyler does immediately pick him back up and run around with him on his back for a good fifteen minutes

taylor sits in a patio chair with aiden in front of her so she can pluck the sticks & leaves out of his hair from being outside (ben might be falling in love with her who’s to say)

he demands bedtime stories from logan and tyler

they do the voices & the bedtime stories he gets with ben are audio books that ben flips through at aiden’s bedside so it’s special to have the others read them (ashlyn may or may not have to leave the room cause she can feel herself slipped listening to the stories)

by the time aiden is asleep everyone in the group feels like they need a weeks vacation (only they have to go fight phantoms in a couple hours :/)

however logan says it was good as they now know what to expect when aiden’s regressed

with everything going on it’s still difficult for aiden to find the energy/time to regress so the group comes up with a babysitting schedule to try and help

aiden’s favorite days are when it’s tyler, ben & ashlyn or taylor because he just terrorizes tyler the whole time with whoever else is there to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand

lord have mercy if aiden ever regresses at school

once the group tried to stick it out til the end of the day but from then on have realized that it’s better to just skip the day and head back to whoever’s house is empty

as chaotic and normally happy aiden is while small- the phantom dimension still has an impact on him and can cause him to get emotional or upset when certain things happen

he usually goes to ben or ashlyn when this happens and will happily curl up with them on the couch with a comfort movie going to distract him

he buys everyone in the group a Mother’s Day & Father’s Day gift (gender doesn’t matter) but also makes them cards while small

no tyler & ben don’t cry what are you talking about

taylor gets her cards framed to keep on her desk as a pop of positivity when things get hard

each member of the group actually has a lot of art from aiden while small - they like to compare pieces and pin things on the fridge

some of aiden’s favorite things to do while regressed is to go get ice cream with everyone than go to the park

yes he’s covered in chocolate ice cream & dirt by the time they go home but he’s having fun and that’s what matters

[chaoticornot]

Chaotic rambles 9-1-1

s08e06 I am so excited, Bummy bones please. Not what I expected of this episode. Is this an old emergency, I though I read something about that? Omg, not the urn. She's hot. Buck with quarter sleeves, oof. Their thumbs up, idiots. Karma.

Confession!! Is that hot priest? He loves Chris so much, aww. His teary eyes, kill me now. You haven't heard that before, have you?

Btw, Maddie looks so good this season. It was 3 months?? Are we having this conversation, omg. Chim's face.

Is that the same restaurant?? Doesn't Buck hate basketball? So, it was a goft for Tommy. Is this the secret, omg, wait, were our theories correct and was Abby the same person?? OMG, i am freaking out, shaking, unbelievable, wait. The realisation on Buck's face. Hot waiter, hello.

There went his intestions. Why is Eddie's hair so slicked back? He looks hot regardless, but it's weird.

Buck, Maddie, Josh conco. I love you Maddie. The hope in Josh face. Josh asking the hard hitting questions. Maddie is like, he's slaying. I love Josh. I love that, that is the part Maddie is focused on.

I love them. No, you are worried about your wife, that's normal. Why does their bed look cramped?

The tank, aahhh. Mama, there is a hot priest behind you, haha. If father priest would get together with Eddie, would Eddie then be mother? Mother Diaz, love it. Sorry, I'm shitting, buddie for life, but the thought was hilarious. Eddie is like, what do you want? I'm straight, omg, he has never said that before. Sexuality arc coming up. Who love you, debatable, they hate him. He got called handsome by the hot priest. Call him out. Tell him, yess. Is he blushing a little?

Big brother is right, fuck that shit. The pipe, oh no. Unsafe practices. What secrets will be uncovered? At least he can't cute the wire. Aww, Chim is thinking about that second kid.

That shirt, oh lord. I'm the himbo. omg. Did he decorate the loft? You don't act like you're comfortable with him? Here we again, where did we hear that before? Oh god, this is exactly what happened with Taylor, oh no. At least with Taylor they were together for a while. He's gonna say no. He is overdoing it now. Who the fuck is Evan? At least Tommy is reasonable, he's right, I will admit that just this once. Bummy bones!!! Omg. We thought it, but we were right. I thought that maybe they would drag it out a bit more.

Not what I expected from Madney this season, but I love it. I hate that narrative, but this is sweet. Thank you Maddie for saying that. Ahhh, she's pregant, omg. Did not expect that, yayy. Look at them, ahhhh.

He's shaving. Omg, shirtless, haha. Look at him, he looks so young. Hugh Grant in Love actually. I love himmm. He deserves this so much. I am in love with him, aghh. Look at him go. I know Ryan loved this. Look at his smile. Who is that? I hope it's Buck, could be me though. Yess, it is him, why did he ring the bell though? Maybe that was an intentional choice. Maybe, because neither of them are in a relationship, so walking in with your key feels a lot more real, huh. The eye contact insane. This fit is so good on Eddie, they made my dreams come though with this one. If I now, don't see a million fics with Eddie in Buck's shirt, I will crash. Please, my beautiful fic writers, please, I need it. The way he walked over the couch, and Buck was not fased at all. I think you can see here, that he already feels so much lighter, because Eddie from a week ago would never. I am smiling so hard, but also crying, oof. The only thing that could make this better is it being Buck's shirt. I love everything about his episode, my dreams have come true.

[petals2fish]

1. Fortnight - functioning alcoholic 🥲 YOUR QUIET TREASON. All my mornings are Monday stuck in an endless February. POSTIC GENIUS. Magical move on drug YIKES. I love you you tis ruining my life. I touched you for only a fortnight but I touched you. “My husband is cheating I want to kill him.” MOOD. I love you it’s ruining my life. I’m calling ya but you won’t pick up. Went to Florida?!?! 🫡🫡🫡 thank you post Malone for your service.

2. The tortured poets department: “I’ve seen this episode but still loved the show.” Aka I THINK IVE SEEN THIS FILM BEFORE AND I DIDNT LIKE THE ENDING. “Who’s gonna love you if not me.” Lol “We’re modern idiots!!!!” JUSTICE FOR CHARLIE PUTH!!!! “A tattooed golden retriever” made me laugh out loud. “I chose this cyclone with you.” Is so Jily plz. “You’re not Dillion Thomas and I’m not patting smith.” Okay Tay. NO FUCKING BODY: 👍🏼 “Sometimes I wonder if you’ll screw this up with me.” Spoiler ‼️ he did. “Everyone we know understands why it’s meant to be.” I didn’t thanks. “Because we’re crazy.” Okay mood. HE PUT THE RING IN HER RING FINGER?!?! “CLOSEST IVE COME TO MY HEART EXPLODING?!?!” PLEASE?!?! “You left your typewriter at my apartment straight from the tortured poets department.” Five stars!!

3. My boy only breaks his favorite toys: ‘I’m queen of sandcastles he destroys.’ Jumps out at me. “Cause I knew too much.” WHAT DO YIU KNOW TAYLOR. “Should have known it was a matter of time.” Taylor is the queen of ignoring red flags. 🚩 This is a fun beat though besties. “Once I fix me, he’s gonna miss me.” YEAH. TELL EM BESTIE. “Stole my tortured heart and left all these broken parts. Told me I’m better off.” Sorry Taylor you were better off babes.

4. Down bad: NICER BEAT OKAY. “Dawn bad crying at the gym.” Mood. “Fuck it if I can’t have him I might just die.” No why is this so FUNNY. Like this is Matty we’re talking about for sure. “Everything forms out teenage petulance.” I mean yeah cause you were still developing a prefrontal cortex when you met him. “So fuck you if I can’t have us.” HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS PART. Honestly I feel you Taylor, I’ve been dumb for a dumb boy before too. It’s okay.

5. So long London: EXCISE ME OPENING WITH A CHORAl. THESE KYRICS WHATLFHAKRHS FUCKKKKK. How much sad did you think I had??? Oh the tragedy?! So long London, you’ll find some one???? “You left me at the house by the heath.” “I stopped CPR”?!?! 😿😿 “YOU LET Me give all that you for free?!?!” SHE GAVE YOU A FUCKING GRAMMY YOGURT BOY AND YOU DIDNT EVEN WANT IT. “too graves, one gun?!” Good for you baby girl. “I’ll find someone” SHUT THE FUCK UP. I’m gonna throw up. Fuck fuck fuck. Taylor 😿😿😿😿 “I DIED ON THE ALTER” ALDBSKAHDBSJSKS NOOOOO. I’m crying. My Shakespeare queen. You’ll find someone RIPS at my heart.

6. But daddy I love him: “bedroom eyes like a remedy.” Fuck how many matty songs are we getting. This reminds me so much of a faith hill song. No I will not elaborate right now. Very country narrative. This one will be fun to scream in concert just for the “I’m having his baby…no I’m not!!!” Very chaotic. 4/5 stars.

7. Fresh out of the slammer: daily disappearing just to see him smile?!?! Girlie pop you really do lie to yourself don’t you??? “He was with her in dreams” I mean it’s really joeover. This song is fun, I like it, very chaotic as well. 5/5 stars.

8. Florida!!!: Florence my queen you make this song beautiful, I need more listens to deconstruct it though:

9. Guilty as skin: girl just write self insert fanfic if you want to fuck someone this badly (can’t wait to write and read fics based off this one hahahaha) 5/5 stars 🌟

10. Who’s afraid of little old me?: shit I’m crying. Fuck fuck fuck. She truly hates most of the new fans huh. Lmaooo SHE SINGS THIS IN ALL HER REGISTERS OMGGGG. It’s all her past selves screaming at us!!! Aldhaksjdka she’s so fucking clever

11. I can fix him no really I can: AHAHA THE ENDING KF THE SONG ALDBSKAHDKAJDHAKDHW SHE REALLY SAID “OH SHIT DAMN I FUCKED UP DIDNT I” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

12. Loml: Joe Alwyn you need witness protection

13. I can do it with a broken heart: oh god this was hurts me more than so long London because it hits home for every damn time I had to preform on stage and then go cry in the shower between shows 🥲

14. The smallest man who ever lived: 🚨🚨🚨 found at the scene of the crime: Joe Alwyn's Small Dick

15. The alchemy: AHHHHHHH!!! HOLY FUCK WE GOT A TRAVIS SONG ALDBSLAHDBSKSJDBWKEHDBAKWJD HE GOT A SONG FUCK YESSSSS

16. CLARA BOW: the outro. The OUTRO. THE FUCKING OUTRO. I’m dead. 😵

Overall: I love it. I love it. I love it SO DAMN MICH. you can tell how much time and effort she put into production and story telling. FUCK. I love this album as much as I loved Folklore the first time I heard it!!

[txrasbae]

hi:3 ꕥ sofie ꕥ aries ꕥ she/they

~ about my blog ~

• this blog is mainly surrounded around twd 🧟‍♂️ related things but i am a girl blogger at heart so there will be MANY times that i spam post

• i am a very horny human being so beware it will get pretty fucking vile in here ☺️

• minors are totally allowed to interact with my blog but i do have plans on writing smut so just....approach with caution lovely's 🤎

• i am not fully educated on palestine and everything that is happening but this blog supports and stands with palestine so if you are a zionist or pro israeli please leave. 🇵🇸

• if you've already followed me by now im warning you that you're getting yourself into quite the chaotic blog here😋

dni - if you are homophobic, racist, ableist, etc zionist/pro israel, proship, hardcore taylor swift hater, shane defender 😘

• i am unfortunately a retired writer (not for long) but i still write in like my notes and shit so i'll definitely post fics and one shots and headcanons in the future

likes -

ꕥ the walking dead 🧟‍♂️

ꕥ music 🎧

ꕥ sleeping 💤

ꕥ wbb 🏀

ꕥ nature 🌲

ꕥ being isolated. 🤫

ꕥ writing 📝

dislikes -

ꕥ onions 🤢

ꕥ crowded places 👎

ꕥ small spaces 🙅‍♀️

ꕥ moths 👎

ꕥ genuinely mean people ☹️

~ about writing ~

• as of right now i'll write for anyone from the walking dead other than like....negan, shane, and all the villains.

• i am not comfortable writing age gaps or very like hardcore smut

• i'll only be writing characters x fem!reader as of right now

•i love getting requests so feel free to ask but if im not comfortable with your request there is a chance ill post it and explain why id rather not write for that request, just to set a boundary.

• right now, i'll probably stick to one shots and headcanons but who knows sometimes i yap too much and end up writing a whole ass book.

master list coming soon......

[pantoneyoongi]

the sun & the stars | 03 | kth

title ; the sun & the stars pairing ; taehyung x you

word count ; 5.6k

masterlist | part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | epilogue

description ; 

taehyung’s known you almost his whole life - his sister’s best friend, the girl who invades his home and his life on the daily. you’re the one who gave his sister the nickname ‘sky’ to begin with - and also the one who relented when he whined about it at age five and said okay, you can be the stars, then. 

it’s funny, because to him, you’re just the petty, mischievous neighbor from across the street with a penchant for stealing his snacks. but over the years, you’ve somehow landed yourself a reputation that stretches beyond the 1.5 year age gap he has with you - for someone who generally likes to keep things low key, you sure have a way of drawing attention. 

sky’s friendly, teasing best friend is known for being cold, impassive, and immovable. which is weird, because when he’s around you, all he sees are unabashed grins and terrible jokes. until he realizes maybe he doesn’t know you like he thought he did. maybe they’re right - it just so happens that the walls you throw up around him look a little different from the walls you throw up around everyone else. 

tracklist ; willow - taylor swift, give me your forever - zack tabudlo ft. billkin, limbo - keshi

tags ; college!au, best friend’s little brother!au, childhood friends to lovers, angst, fluff, mentions of absent parents and financial instability, bestie jinyoung!, brief mentions of infidelity, there is tiny tiger!tae support in this but let it be known i am team bear ok 

you’re not sleeping well. 

you hate to admit it, but it’s true. you’d think after working yourself into the goddamn ground you would knock out as soon as you hit the bed, but no. your brain has other plans for you, including ensuring you get no rest even when you do fall asleep. the nightmares don’t even make any sense, they just make you tired by the time your alarm goes off in the morning. 

you know your friends worry about you. they always do. but you can usually keep them at bay, distracted by a grin and a well placed, overly chaotic story told entirely out of proportion to what actually happened. but you must sincerely be starting to look like shit, considering the number of times taehyung has both texted you and told you to your face that people need eight hours of sleep to function, sun. 

yeah, yeah, yeah. hours, shmours. sleep is for the financially stable. 

“jesus christ, y/n!” jinyoung smacks your hand away before you can burn yourself on the boiler. you haven’t been paying attention and you startle at his voice. “are you kidding me?” 

jinyoung’s worry usually comes out as mild aggression. it starts off with sass and ends with frustration, so if he’s halfway to yelling at you, then you’ve already gone too far and will be inevitably subject to jinyoung’s line of questioning. for now, he just stares you down with a pinched expression, like you’ve annoyed him for being too obviously distracted. 

“sorry,” you mutter, rubbing your forehead. you really don’t have much to say for yourself. 

he gives you a long look before tossing you a towel. “we’re talking about this later. finish cleaning up, closing’s in twenty.” 

you don’t argue. with a sigh, you lower your head and start to clean up, wiping down counters and restocking sauces. when you’re done, you find jinyoung leaning against the wall outside the back door, waiting for you. 

in a lot of ways, jinyoung’s a lot like you. not just in the live-to-work, work-to-live sort of way. he’s resilient, from years of having to fend for himself. reclusive, from learning to put his own wants on the backburner just so he can survive. like you, jinyoung puts everyone around him first, and himself last. 

while your childhood friends know that you work probably one job too many, you don’t tell them much about what that really means for you. you don’t tell them about the empty house you went home to as a kid, or the way it feels to look out into a crowd during school events and know your parents won’t be there. you don’t tell them the stress that weighs on you when it comes to managing your finances, how nothing ever feels like it’ll be enough. that the degree you’re studying isn’t because you enjoy it, but because you need it. you need the security it’ll offer you once you have the diploma in your hands. 

sky, taehyung, and jimin’s lives feel so pretty. they glitter, like something out of a movie. you don’t want to disturb the waters. you like the way the light reflects off them. if they know how deep you’re drowning, the glass will shatter, and you think maybe you will, too. 

jinyoung’s different. like you, jinyoung doesn’t live in a romantic movie montage. he’s as cynical as you pretend not to be, but while you live your life in constant states of escapism, jinyoung faces reality head-on. for him, it is what it is. and because he’s a good friend, he forces you to face it too. 

“i heard a rumor,” jinyoung interrupts the silence the two of you have been walking in. you stiffen. jinyoung presses forward. “sounds like namjoon and sky have been getting close these days.” 

jinyoung is one of few people you’ve ever let your guard down around. he knows about your parents, he knows about seokjin, he knows almost everything, and vice versa. it’s easy to rely on each other when the foundation feels like common ground. 

you shrug. “that doesn’t have anything to do with me, jinyoung. i’m her friend, not her keeper.” 

“sure,” jinyoung says agreeably. “but you haven’t said anything about it yet, which means sky didn’t tell you, did she?” 

you really hate that jinyoung knows you so well. 

you purse your lips. “she has every right not to.” 

jinyoung pauses, making you stop beside him. you make the mistake of looking at him, when he says, “you know seokjin wasn’t your fault, right?” 

of course you know. you know, but also, you very much don’t. every logical part of you agrees that seokjin wasn’t your fault, but the guilt caving in on you says otherwise. 

sky didn’t tell you about namjoon. she didn’t tell you, and you get why. it stings a little - it stings a lot - but you understand. you’d want to keep namjoon a secret from yourself too, if you were sky. 

all things considered, you think you got the better end of the seokjin shitshow. which is kind of a pathetic sentence, but it’s also the truth. if two best friends were going to fall for the same dirtbag anyway, you’d argue that the one who got to hold his hand and call him her boyfriend for at least a short stint probably got the lesser of two evils. especially if the other option was having your feelings played perfectly like a puppet on strings. 

seokjin was unfair. unfair to you, but truly, devastatingly unfair to sky. you know he left her with insecurities and you resent that you played a part in it. you hate that he made her feel like she was less than you, somehow. as if sky isn’t the best part of you. 

he made her feel special, just not special enough. he made her feel seen, just not worth being seen with. and he made her feel like the worst kind of friend, for helplessly falling for someone that belonged to somebody else. 

you have no interest in namjoon. it’s not about that. but because of seokjin, some part of sky is still hiding, still scared that she’s not interesting enough. that she’s not worth holding onto, that no one will choose her. 

that they’ll always choose you instead. 

you don’t consider yourself all that special. you’re not nearly as interesting as the rumors make you out to be. and you would never interfere in sky’s relationship, not if he’s good to her. but there’s a reason sky chose not to tell you, and you feel like you can only blame yourself. 

“she’ll tell you,” jinyoung’s gentle, for once. can see the way you’re shaking, scared of losing your best friend because you played a part in making her feel like she wasn’t enough. “hey. she will, sun. on her own time. she’ll tell you everything.” 

you try to smile back. you do. but you really don’t want to fuck this up. sky likes namjoon, and you’re terrified of getting in the way again. 

worse, something more selfish tries to push through the cracks. something that looks a lot like the empty house you used to return to, with all the lights off, and no one to greet you. 

.

.

.

whoever invents teleportation can have your firstborn child. trudging around campus in this weather is starting to get real old, real fast. 

you’re tired. tired enough that your head hangs a little as you walk, dragging your feet down the sidewalk. you should’ve stayed home, skipped lecture. but this professor takes attendance, so you unfortunately don’t have much of a choice. 

you come abruptly to a stop when someone steps in front of you, halting yourself just in time before you can bump into them. you’re about to mouth off at whoever walked directly into your path, but the glare on your face melts right off as soon as you see taehyung’s familiar face before you. 

“oh,” your shoulders lower back down. “tae.” 

he stares at you, long enough that you start to fidget a little under his gaze. taehyung’s always been on the quieter side, preferring to sit on the sidelines and watch rather than be in the midst of it all. so you’ve always filled the space, but the longer he stares at you, the less you seem to know what to say. 

he can tell you’re hesitating. struggling to find something to say to him, looking uncomfortable in your own skin. like you feel bad about something. his gaze softens, and he unwinds his scarf from around his neck, which prompts you back into action. 

“what are you doing?” you ask, taken aback when he wraps the scarf around you instead, fluffing it up so it covers your ears, too. “taehyung?” your voice gets muffled from behind his scarf, and he smiles at that while you blink back at him. 

“keeping you warm,” he says simply, and he can’t see your mouth behind the scarf, but he knows you’re frowning, can tell by the crease you get in your forehead. 

“what about you?” 

he shrugs. “heat rises up.” 

immediately, the tension breaks. you straighten up at his nonsensical answer, “you calling me short?” 

he smirks, and you forget anything that just came out of your mouth. what? what were you yelling at him about? when he bends down to meet your height, you also forget how to breathe. 

“am i wrong?” 

he’s so close that you lose all functioning thought. which is odd, because this is taehyung. but your heart is pounding in your chest and you swallow hard, but you refuse to back down, even when you can feel your cheeks heat up from the way he’s looking at you. 

taehyung doesn’t get like this often. but sometimes he’s cheeky, invades your personal space, reciprocates your affection for him with more than just acknowledging grunts and soft smiles. you might be fine laying your head in his lap, but taehyung usually keeps his hands to himself. on the rare occasions that he doesn’t, you entirely forget how to act. 

sometimes, you forget that taehyung is twenty, and not three anymore. 

a grin escapes him when you have nothing to retort, rendered silent by the quick pace of your heart. he likes that your cheeks are pink and you still look a little defensive but you’re too flustered to say anything. 

he rises back to height, patting you on the head. “you looked cold. keep the scarf, sun. i’ll see you later.”

he wanders off like nothing’s happened, while you try to re-regulate your heart rate. you try to convince yourself that you like the typical taehyung more, the one you can bounce around and annoy and he’ll just stand there, fondly exasperated. 

but the occasional confidence that emerges out of taehyung is the only one that makes your heart stumble in your chest, inexplicably. it’s the taehyung that you’re scared of, but can’t help wanting more of. 

head buzzing with thoughts that never quite take full form in your head, you make your way to class, dazed. 

a faint smile lingers on your face the whole way. 

.

.

.

jinyoung is a good friend. a good guy, in general, which you typically find far and few between. he’s loyal, he’s honest, and he’s genuine. 

“you should just talk to her.” 

he’s also really annoying. 

“i do talk to her.” you move to the next table, setting down the plates and napkins. jinyoung trails after you, setting down utensils. 

“your group chat doesn’t count, sun.” 

you fix him with an unamused look. “i’m just busy. finals are coming up.” 

“and yet somehow, you can still find time to eat with her little brother. how interesting,” jinyoung deadpans, and the nerves run up your spine so fast you don’t have time to hide the flush that goes up your neck to the tip of your ears. 

“that’s different. he’s just a kid,” you argue, and decidedly don’t look at jinyoung, who you’re sure is giving you the don’t bullshit me look. taehyung is just a kid. he’s sky’s kid. kid brother. who is twenty years old. 

exactly. a kid. 

a kid with a really warm scarf that smells nice. like him. like home. 

jinyoung sighs, waving you off. “you know what? we’ll unpack that later. one thing at a time.” 

you try not to feel too relieved that he’s dropping it. feeling relieved means there is something there to think about, and you’d rather literally anything else. 

jinyoung stops you at the next table, dropping his handful of utensils onto its surface. “i’m serious, sun. you know sky. she’s not gonna approach you first, and she’s probably feeling just as bad as you do. do you really wanna drag this out?” 

you chew on your lip. he raises his eyebrows. “sun,” he looks at you pointedly. “exactly how well did that go over for the both of you, last time?” 

(spoiler: poorly. it went very poorly.) 

you slowly narrow your eyes at him. you hand him the plates you’re carrying, and he takes them silently, still waiting for your answer. 

then you throw your hands in the air, stomping your feet away and throwing your head back, grumbling loudly, “fine! i’ll talk to her! i’ll communicate, like the grown adult you keep telling me i have to be!” 

he smiles. 

jinyoung is so annoying. 

.

.

.

you resent jinyoung for having perfectly sound logic. you hate confrontation. 

does it still count as confrontation if you and sky are just laying on the floor, side by side, staring at the ceiling saying nothing? 

for hardwood, your floor is surprisingly comfortable to lay on. both you and sky have pillows tucked under your heads, feet propped up against your bed. you’re both lost deep in your own thoughts, neither of you having said a word since sky got here. 

you wonder which of you will cave first. usually, it’s you. but you feel tongue tied, and no order of words that you rearrange in your head sound right when you think about asking her about namjoon. they all feel accusatory, even when they’re not meant to be. 

but then, as if hearing your thoughts, sky breaks the silence. 

“he’s a good guy, sun.” 

you try not to visibly react. “namjoon?” 

“namjoon,” she confirms. “i’m sorry i didn’t tell you about him.”

this makes you turn your head towards her. she’s still looking up at the ceiling, lower lip drawn into her mouth. she looks nervous, and it tugs at your heartstrings. 

“you’re not obligated to tell me everything, sky.” 

“i know,” she says, finally turning to look at you. “but i do. i tell you everything. but it… it felt good for a little bit. that he was my secret.” 

you stare back at her, trying to understand her. sky’s your every exception. everyone knows it. she’s your best friend. you would give up the world for her, let her get away with anything and everything. because no one’s been there for you like sky has. no one lets you escape the world the way she does, lets you slip into her life and offer everything she has out to you. 

you met sky when you were five. five’s too young an age for your parents not to be home, but that was simply your reality. it was scary to be home alone, but you got used to it eventually. it’s less scary to come home to an empty house if you know you can always walk over to sky’s. 

you never explicitly told her that your parents weren’t ever really home. that they were too busy working, which meant you were often left at sky’s place with your house key slung around your neck. but sky could fit the pieces together eventually, or maybe her parents explained it to her. that sometimes some kids just live life a little differently. some houses don’t glow with the same lights. 

you don’t know. you didn’t ask. it was just mutually understood between the two of you that you were never going to have dinner on the table with both your parents the way sky always did. 

her home was always lit up. warm. there was always life in it, her mom bustling around the house, or her dad grilling something in the backyard. or there was taehyung, trailing after his sister, begging to be a part of your games and play-pretends. 

sky’s never minded sharing. she shared her toys, her stories, her home, her family. with you. you could forget how lonely it was to say good night by yourself because in the mornings you went running over to sky’s. they say you would do anything for sky, but it’s really sky who would give anything for you. without question. 

in high school, that meant hiding how she felt about seokjin because you were too enamored with him to notice. but you’re not in high school anymore. years have passed since seokjin happened, but even healed wounds can still leave scars. 

you and sky are still best friends, but it’s still you who is the reason she has scars to begin with. 

you turn away from her, facing back to the ceiling. “he seems nice, sky.” 

she gives a wry smile. “you met him for two seconds.” 

you make a noise that admittedly sounds uncannily like a wince. “he had good vibes.” 

sky hums. “he does have good vibes.” 

“and he’s very tall.” 

“very tall.” 

“could probably throw me.” 

she laughs. “and me. at the same time.” 

you both burst into laughter at that, sky turning her head back to you again. “i think i like him, sun.” 

you glance at her, see the sincerity in her eyes when she says it. the mix of hope and excitement, the slightest touch of hesitance that comes with a crush, overwhelmed by the exhilaration. she likes him, a lot. it makes you smile. “yeah?” 

she smiles back. “yeah.” 

.

.

.

it’s not something you say out loud, but it is something that’s always been obvious to you: you owe sky everything. you could only get this close to a normal childhood because you had sky. the least you can do is protect her so she doesn’t get hurt. 

the rumors say you’re overprotective, that you don’t let anyone near her, but it’s not true. you know sky lives her own life, that you can’t shield her from everything, but what you can do is keep the persistent, unwanted ones away. you can give your opinion on whether you think the people in sky’s life are genuinely there for her, or to abuse her kindness. but sky’s always made the final decision. whether she keeps someone around or gives you free reign to get creative in keeping someone out of her life, it’s her choice. 

you know what it is you’re really afraid of. of course you want sky and namjoon to work out, to be happy. her entire demeanor shifts when she talks about him, when she so much as thinks of him. it speaks a lot to how safe he makes her feel, how kind he is to her. 

what you’re afraid of anymore isn’t that namjoon will hurt her. what you’re afraid of honestly isn’t even that you’ll cause problems, because you would sooner remove yourself from sky’s life than ruin her happiness. 

which is exactly the issue, isn’t it? 

your mind thunders. 

selfish, selfish, selfish. 

your heart aches. 

lonely, lonely, lonely.

.

.

.

with finals rolling in, your days somehow simultaneously get longer and shorter. you’re up later, you wake earlier, and there’s still not nearly enough hours in the day. 

if the exhaustion was obvious before, you are now currently the definition of it. you feel like you almost constantly have a headache, and you’re so fucking tired you could probably fall asleep walking if you didn’t make enough of an effort to stay awake. 

you haven’t seen any of your friends in days. not sky, not taehyung, not even jimin has popped in to check in in person, and he’s the most likely to actually leave his apartment. everyone is too busy drowning in their own educational misfortunes, though the group chat does ping every so often: 

jimin: do u think i could make it as a stripper

tae: is that not ur current occupation

tae: do u know how many people have told me about seeing your ass

jimin: omg u think im pretty enough to be a stripper? 

tae: campus does 

you: don’t encourage him 

jimin: it’s good money

you: when you develop the coordination to sit in a chair without falling over, lmk 

sky: jimin you can be a stripper on the side. how good are you at biochemistry 

jimin: are u srsly asking the business major how good i am at biochemistry 

but for the most part, it’s silent. maybe distantly you can hear the aggrieved sound jimin makes whenever he opens a textbook, although it’s more likely it’s just the same sound that comes out of your mouth as you trudge out from your closing shift, wishing someone would just carry you home so at least you could take a nap on the trip back. 

your wishes manifest in the shape of one kim taehyung, who has apparently developed the habit of quietly appearing in front of you, without any form of announcement. you’re too tired to care that he seems to be insistent on letting you walk straight into him instead of just informing you of his presence, mumbling a vague apology before you look up and realize that it’s him. “star?” 

you don’t often use the old nickname, but sometimes it just slips out. you do think it suits him. taehyung isn’t really the type to be described as ‘bright’, but you’ve seen the way his eyes light up, and you’ve felt the warmth of his care. he shines in the dark, gentle and comforting. 

you have his scarf wrapped around your neck, and he smiles at the sight. you never gave it back - using the excuse that you didn’t have time to, or that you forgot to bring it every time you saw him - but now that he’s in front of you, you just don’t want to. you like having it with you. 

“hi y/n,” he says, voice a little deeper than usual. it is relatively late at night, and the later it gets, the lower taehyung’s voice seems to get, too. you’ve heard his voice gravely in the mornings, dropping octaves whenever he’s tired, and it startles you every time, especially when it’s your name coming out of his mouth. 

“since when do you use my government name?” you scrunch your nose.

he raises an eyebrow. he looks amused. “am i not supposed to?” 

you deflect, because you don’t actually have a good answer to that. it’s just weird that he didn’t call you sun, and you’re not entirely sure how you feel about the way your name sounds on his lips all of a sudden. “what are you doing here?” 

he shrugs. “was just passing by.” 

you forget the whole your-name-in-his-deep-voice thing. “passing by? here? at 11:30? taehyung, you literally only leave your apartment for class, the library, and if jimin threatens you.” 

he makes a noncommittal noise. “i also leave for food.” 

you wave him off. “whatever.” 

“i can’t just be a good friend and come see you?” 

“not in this weather,” you mutter, shoving your hands into your pockets. the deeper into finals seasons you get, the colder the wind picks up. 

“you do it all the time for sky. i’m just picking up some good habits.” 

you snort. “sky’s my best friend.” 

“what am i?” 

your steps pause. you look at him, and he stops with you, head tilted as he stares back at you. you don’t know what game taehyung’s playing at, but it makes your heart squeeze in your chest. taehyung’s always looked kinda harmless - unruly hair, innocent eyes, open expression. even if he doesn’t smile altogether that often, he doesn’t come off as particularly intimidating. although maybe that has more to do with the fact that you’ve known him your entire life and have witnessed taehyung in a tiger onesie before. 

there’s really nothing less intimidating than a teenaged kim taehyung in a onesie that he trips over because it’s slightly too big. 

but you look at him now, and you give yourself a chance to wonder. wonder when things started to change, when he got taller, broader, more handsome. you’ve noticed it before, of course - the way taehyung can reach the things you can’t, how he hovers over you, how he always feels safe and warm whenever you go in for the occasional hug. 

then there’s the moments when sometimes he leans in a little extra close, the times when his smiles get playful in a way that makes your heart stutter. how he tends to drop by when you’re working, or just before or after so he can walk with you, and you’ve never told him to stop, because you like his company. you like having him nearby, the back of his hand brushing yours. 

but it felt weird to admit it. so you didn’t. you don’t. 

it’s not like you don’t know. taehyung thinks he’s secretive, but you’ve caught the small smiles, the lifted corners of his lips, the way his eyes linger on you a little longer. you know, you just don’t want to. knowing is dangerous. getting close like that is dangerous. letting yourself entertain the thought is dangerous. 

it’s not just that he’s sky’s little brother. that in and of itself is playing with fire; the fallout if things don’t work out between you and taehyung is probably the only thing you want even less to think about than just the idea of falling into him in the first place. 

but you don’t do well with the concept. half of you is too used to relying on yourself; the other half of you knows that you’ve spent a lifetime relying on him. his family. you’ve wormed your way in with the kims, pretending to play house with a family that isn’t yours. no matter how the kims welcome you in as one of their own, you know it isn’t real. it’s all illusion. smoke and mirrors. 

taehyung takes care of you quietly, and the comfort is so relieving you feel like you could sink right into it, safe and sound. the weight on your shoulders lightens so much, you could cry from the lack of pressure. then you return to your world, and reality rips you right out of that safety net. suddenly his constant warmth is a threat, and he’s no longer a hearth, he’s a wildfire, uncontrollable and destructive. 

well, no. taehyung isn’t the destructive one. 

you are. 

so you try your best not to fall into him. not to slip, let him carry you. to not rely on him more than you already have, to not do more than what you can reason off as acceptable. 

you look away from him. “you’re taehyung,” you say lamely, after a too-long pause. you redirect instead. “what are you doing here, for real?” 

he keeps his hands in his coat pockets as the two of you start walking again. he shrugs a little. “you said you were closing today.” he glances around. “it’s dark out.” 

“i can walk myself home, you know.” 

he hums in return. 

the two of you lapse into silence. you find yourself quiet around taehyung more and more often these days, failing to fill the space with aimless stories and light jokes. but you’re tired from work and it’s cold and somehow taehyung makes it feel comfortable. like the silence doesn’t imply loneliness. 

but the thoughts that have been knocking around your head for the past few weeks get louder now that your surroundings are at peace. you don’t know what wills you to say it out loud, but you do. “sky didn’t tell me about namjoon.” 

if taehyung’s surprised you’re telling him this, he does a good job not showing it. he’s quiet for a minute. then, “i know.” 

you stare at the ground. you feel like you should explain yourself, as if there’s something you need to defend. “well, she told me eventually. just not at first.” 

taehyung pauses. you stop with him, a little nervous, though you’re not sure what for. he’s not looking at you at first, but then his gaze slides over to you, unreadable. but his eyes soften, and gently, he repeats, “i know.” 

you hold his gaze. you mull over your thoughts, at the idea of letting him in. letting him hear what it is you want to say. 

you don’t usually tell anyone what you’re thinking. honestly, you don’t even usually let yourself get far enough to have the kind of thoughts worth spilling out to someone like this. maybe if you had a therapist they’d unpack that for you, but you don’t exactly have time for therapy in between the jobs and the not-failing-out-of-college thing. 

taehyung waits patiently. like his sister, he’s always listened to you, no matter how outrageous your commentary gets. but while sky tends to laugh at your excessive monologues, taehyung either stays silent or offers up quick, witty remarks, or quiet, supportive commentary. even when he says nothing, he seems to understand you, just from the way he looks at you. 

you wonder. when, in all the years taehyung has been beside you, did he learn to understand you? 

and when, in all the years you’ve been beside him, did you start to want to let him? 

letting yourself mold and blend into taehyung and sky’s world was one thing. but letting taehyung seep into yours, where the colors dull and gray out, and the lights dim and flicker, is something else entirely. you keep him and all your childhood friends on the other side of the fence. where it’s safe. where things are good. 

but it’s hard to climb back to the side with the weeds, the overgrowth, alone. you get splinters every time, and you peer between the pickets wondering when the fence will be taken down. when you’ll be able to sweep away the imaginary lines you’ve drawn for yourself, when you’ll allow yourself to stand on the side where the grass is greener. 

but even if it’s hard to be alone, it’s harder still to let taehyung step into your world. it’s terrifying. you open your mouth to speak but you keep coming up empty, the words dying on your tongue whenever you exhale. how can you let him carry your burdens? how can you let him see what it’s like on this side of the fence, when he’s always lived across the street? 

everything you want to say keeps fizzling out. you can’t do it. you’ve conditioned yourself to keep quiet. 

but taehyung sees the lost look on your face and softens. he sees the panic start to creep in, your defensive instincts rising back up, and he leans down towards you. “should we follow them around?” 

you blink at him once. twice. then splutter, shoving him back by the shoulder. “what?” 

the amused twinkle in his eyes doesn’t slip by you, or your rapidly weakening heart. “yeah,” he shrugs, dark eyes lit with humor. “hide in the bushes, all that. figure out if he’s a good guy.” 

you scoff, helpless grin spreading across your face. the tension melts off your shoulders just like that. “didn’t take you for that kind of brother, kim taehyung.” 

he glances at you, observes the way you’ve relaxed again, stress erased from your features, if temporarily. he makes a sound in the back of his throat, swaying from side to side. “she’s still my sister,” he says airily, and you bump against his side, smiling affectionately up at him. 

“you’re a good kid, taehyung.” 

he frowns at that. after a half-minute of contemplation, he finally mumbles out, “i’m not a kid,” knowing full well that it makes him sound exactly like a kid. you snort. 

“how long have you been holding that in for?” 

he gives you a sour look. you chuckle, deciding to let him off easy. “you’re a good brother, tae,” you correct. he seems satisfied with your amendment, and you bite your cheek to try and dampen your smile. 

when he drops you off outside your building, you lean up to ruffle his hair and thank him for taking you back. he leans down a little to make it easier for you to reach, but his eyes remain on you, and for a second, your breath escapes you. slowly, you lower your hand back down to your side, fingers curling in shyly. you hold his gaze, unable to look away. 

he doesn’t straighten back up even though you’ve pulled away, just letting the silence sit between you. you’re supposed to say something, anything, but taehyung’s mesmerizing, and you forget all of the supposed-to’s in favor of simply staring back at him, time coming to a momentary standstill. 

distantly, you think it’s odd, but you don’t mind it. you don’t mind staying in this moment, where it’s quiet and peaceful and you don’t have to think about much of anything at all, all your worries winding down when taehyung is around. he smiles at you and your brain kinda just shuts off, focusing only on the pretty curve of his lips. 

“call me whenever you’re working late,” he says, bringing you out of your reverie. “i’ll always walk you home, sun.” 

the words fit into your chest like missing pieces of a puzzle. that’s what being around taehyung feels like, like he’s patching all the holes inside you, slowly building back up the things you thought had worn down beyond repair after years of pressure on your back. he fixes up the lights, repaints the walls, redecorates the shelves. 

that’s why he’s your star, you think. even in the dark, he makes it easy to find your way home. 

masterlist | part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | epilogue

[bisluthq]

I would argue that Joe was even less weird than Jack when it came to talking about Taylor. Jack only ever talked about Saoirse when they were doing promo for mqos, after that he did avoid questions about his private life. He would say he was in a relationship, that it had been a good year, that he was with someone he admired. But he would never mention Saoirse. The only difference is that he was more active on instagram so he would share some pictures of her, but it was always pictures of her back.

In 2021, he started posting more pictures where you could see her face and he shared a video of them reenacting a scene from Braveheart which had some articles written about it, so he was asked about getting more attention in an interview and he replied that he hadn’t noticed any difference.

It was in 2022, when he was promoting Benediction and The Outrun had been announced, that he started talking about her in interviews. Saoirse had nothing to promote so she didn’t really talk about him and The Outrun, but in one of her See How They Run interviews, she did say something about “my partner”. So once The Outrun had been announced, they got more comfortable talking about each other.

Then they got married, Jack got nominated for an Emmy and The Outrun was coming out. So they decided to start being a team, go to the Emmys together and start talking about each other freely.

Joe was never nearly as weird as they were, because it would make no sense to pretend he isn’t dating Taylor Swift, but he also had to be more careful than them. People who speak to Jack about Slow Horses don’t seem to care about Saoirse that much, so she doesn’t get brought up often. But there have been multiple articles written about a lot of the things Saoirse has said about Jack, and he’s far from Taylor Swift. Joe talking about Taylor in any capacity would derail the promo of his projects, so he didn’t want to do that. But that doesn’t mean he was embarrassed of her, he clearly wasn’t, and under the right circumstances, he might’ve ended up talking about her the way Jack and Saoirse do now 🤷🏻‍♀️

The thing is ANYONE vaguely mentioning Taylor kind of makes everything about that. A lot of people bring her up in terms of like "here's a cool story about the most famous person I've ever met" and the thing is once they do, they're almost always repeatedly asked about it. All her friends are ALWAYS asked about her, even when it's entirely irrelevant to whatever they're actually talking about lmao. You can also tell that it annoys some people but like they also have a lot of other shit to talk about so it's a mildly annoyingish sidebar and then it's back to whatever the main topic of conversation was. If Joe had indulged discussing Taylor more, that is ALL anyone would've ever asked him about. Like tbf it is far, far more interesting to the internet at large what Taylor Swift has for breakfast and what time she goes to take a poop (is she a morning or night girl) than whatever the fuck Joe wanted to be talking about. And if he'd indulged it more, then those are the kinds of questions (hyperbolic but also not really) he'd have been fielding and like... they'd wanted to be private lmao and also his projects would never have been promoted as what they were, it would've just been a discussion of Taylor lol. But obviously if it were relevant (and when it was relevant) then he wouldn't have been (and generally speaking wasn't) a complete freak about it.

I really don't know what people wanted him to do differently lol because like... it would've just been a little chaotic and inappropriate if he'd done it Travis's way? Also because Travis actually doesn't speak to PRESS that much about her, he talks on his podcast and friends' podcasts and stuff and that's a different platform and even so you can tell like sometimes he wants to talk about other stuff but he did this to himself and for the most part he enjoys the ride. But he's also a very, very different man to Joe ergo having a podcast in the first place lol because I can't really imagine Joe wanting to do that - and that doesn't make Joe better or worse, they're just very different people.

[xplrvibes]

I am so sorry, guys. I intended in getting to the asks about Kat's songs but then I accidentally fell asleep 🤣.

It's been a chaotic day/week/month and I am old lol.

Anyway, I have many asks about it and the general consensus seems to be that the song itself was good, but didn't pack as much of a punch as people thought. I'm going to just make this one big blanket post with my thoughts because that's probably just easier.

Also, I am putting my thoughts behind a cut. If you are a person who does not want to hear about this, or if you are a person who doesn't want to hear any criticism towards someone you stan, do NOT click the read more. Keep it moving.

So, the song itself is...fine, I guess. I'm not a huge fan of this genre of music, so I wasn't expecting to be blown away by it from a musical standpoint (and I wasn't). I do think that more can be done from a technical aspect to mix her vocals in better so they are legible (cause they are NOT), but that is a production issue and not a Kat issue. I do want to say that I slowed the song down to .5 speed to try and decipher the lyrics and wow, it lowkey kind of rocked at .5. Very, very grungy sounding 🤣.

Anyway, the song itself was fine. I feel like they were going for an Abril Lavigne or even Paramore type vibe, which is cool. 🤷‍♀️

The elephant in the room of this song is the lyrics, and Sam, and Sam and Kat.

First of all - maybe I'm hard of hearing, but boy were those lyrics hard to decipher lol. I still don't know what the hell is being said in the chorus (in fact, anyone who can tell me what is said right after "how nice of you" wins a prize), which was part of why it took so damn long for me to get to these asks.

I don't know if the problem is the mixing of the lyrics with the music, or if there isn't enough enunciation when they are actually being recorded, but wow.

Anyway, the lyrics. Look, I know that a lot of people were expecting a full-scale evisceration, but let's be honest - that was never gonna happen lol. I think this was about as far as it was going to go.

There are a few biting lines -

the cry on cue line: this was especially of note to me because it validated something I said back when that break up video came out, which was that those were crocodile tears. I took heat for saying it then but sorry- it's true. Man cries and does shit in videos on purpose for attention sometimes. He's always been doing it, and probably will continue to do it. If I'm allowed now to critique him as a person without kicking up some drama, I'd say it's his middle child syndrome mixed with a pinch of narcissism and some insecurity to boot that causes that. But I probably can't say that, so I won't 😂.

The 50/50 like a teenager line: I need an explanation for this one. Was this multi-millionaire, 2 (soon to be 3) Mansion owning, self-driving tesla having rich guy making his much less financially well off girlfriend split every bill in half? Cause if so, he is both a cheap ass and kind of just an ass-ass lol. I'm sorry, but think about the absolute disparity in their income, and then think about the lifestyle he lives. Now imagine you are dating this man and he's taking you to Gordon Ramsey's kitchen and racking up an $800 bill on whiskey that comes out of a glass case and that fucking creepy ass beef wellington shit, and then the bill comes and he look at you and goes "halfsies?" I'd nut shot him. Fuck you, I could've gone to Red Robin and been just as fine. You wanna live bougie and you want my not-rich ass along for the ride? You're gonna have to pay the lionshare. Also - if I'm going to live in your house, and pay an equal share of the bills, you don't get to tell me that I have no say in decorating said house.

The "you sleep well cause she keeps her mouth shut" line: Oof. If I'm interpreting that right, she is saying she could very well destroy him with the shit she knows/shit he's done, but she won't. He's probably very lucky she isn't an Olivia Rodrigo/Taylor Swift type and this is as far as she went, judging by that line.

The tesla line: I think this is a dig at that day that Sam took K on the date to the LA Abandoned Zoo and then K posted an Instagram story in the tesla afterwards? I think? This could've been worded better, I feel, but if that's what she's digging at...double oof lol.

The 6 months line: 🤣🤣🤣. The amount of people that were shocked by the 6 months thing is really just proof positive that nobody stalks and dissects this man's moves the way they do Colby's, cause y'all had Colby and Ms Singer married after ONE DATE and talked about it ad nauseum for MONTHS and meanwhile, guess who was two steps behind him on said date? He and K were coupled up all through Halloween, dressing like Hailey and Justin Bieber, taking couples photos at the parties, but all I heard about was Ms Singer and the pool. Just saying 👏. Also, people can move on from shit whenever they want and however fast they want, but the people who were left behind and devastated and have to watch those people move on with lightning speed have every right to feel jilted about it, especially when the injured party took all the shit for the breakup and the other party was praised for being the sad reluctant hero in the whole thing.

I'm not dissecting the rest, cause the POV switches too much and I can never quite tell if she's talking about herself or K lol. But those lines were notable to me.

Overall...it was a good effort on Kat's part, and I can tell it has been therapeutic and cathartic. If anyone is upset about this cause you feel that Sam is being unfairly kicked down in this, I implore you to remember that this man enjoyed a full year of being able to freely say that he has been so much happier and more confident after breaking up with her, while she has gotten death threats for saying he blindsided her. She is allowed her day in court.

[frozendeity17]

Questioning, Part 2: 26-50

If we're counting fanfiction as books, Sunrise in Exile by Ragdoll. It's MCU fanfic, so if that doesn't float your boat, you have been warned, but I find it good daydreaming material. Frankly, I love their portrayal of FRIDAY. If we're not, then "S." by Doug Dorst and J. J. Abrams. It's a book within a book, with two people trading the fictional library book "Ship of Theseus" and writing out their story in the margins.

@becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys. Elanor's political commentary is both absurdly funny and on-point and she covers several other important topics, such as climate change and celtophobia. Side note, notice how Grammarly tried to autocorrect celtophobia to xenophobia and "gelotophobia", which google tells me is a fear of being laughed at.

Family stuff's private, sorry.

Heights. Actually, it's less heights, and more falling. I can be on top of tall things as much as I want, but the second I approach an edge, my legs start to go shaky and I can't. I can't even step on some high balconies.

Antidisestablishmentarianism. I have no clue what it means, the rhythm of it is just nice.

"The Silent Patient" by Alex Michaelides, "The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo" by Taylor Jenkins Reid, and "The Bullet That Missed" by Richard Osman. If I get any others, I've heard that "Cain's Jawbone" and "Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe" are both very good.

The Owl House or Steven Universe. Yes, I know the latter's everything, especially the ending, was problematic, but the songs are chill and nostalgic, and I can enjoy things while also recognizing that they're not good.

Self-ID shit is always the hardest, I don't fuckin know. I do reblog some fan shit, but not that much.

I don't really know. I've always just kinda done my own thing.

If I had to pick, probably "The Bachelor" or something like that. Good for fatigue nights, where you don't have the mental strength to watch anything more intellectually stimulating, (if even that) but not much else.

Don't have one. Never been one for superstition. if I had to pick, though, 17 feels right.

Hydrangeas. We have a bush in the front garden, and it's always so pretty in the summer. Tulips are very beautiful too, and there are these tiny purple flowers that grow in my neighbor's garden that always pop up right around the start of spring.

Opal's gorgeous, as well as peacock ore.

I'm going for a full sunrise ombre, from dark blue at the top to yellow at the bottom.

I am *not*. Changing or skipping over history is a recipe for disaster - for the universe for the former, and for me for the latter. I refuse to be the one to deal with such nonsense.

A good steak with peppercorn sauce, and creamy mashed potatoes with beef gravy.

Either Brownie a la Mode, Cookie Dough, or Dulce de Leche. No, I will not be deciding.

Margaret Thatcher. Gonna shove her face in some mashed potatoes and peas.

7-in-1 Shampoo, Conditioner, Soap, Mouthwash, Toothpaste, Car Coolant, Hair-Gel. Hey, it covers all of the basics, even if it's not the best in the market for any of them.

When I'm camping, especially in the summer, the very early morning, just after the sun rises. Fog hangs over the area where I camp like a cloud at that time, and it's stunningly beautiful yet terrifyingly eerie. Anytime else, the afternoon. Early enough to not be exhausted and a good time to get shit done, but it doesn't have the lazy, chill vibes morning does.

I do not, but thank you. So are you, :).

I've wanted to learn Irish Gaelic for a long while now, but unfortunately, my audial processing is bad enough in English, so that might be a while in the making. Spanish, French, or Mandarin all seem like they'd be very useful to learn.

Strawberries are awesome, but I'll never turn down a good apple, and blueberry muffins in particular are great.

The characters from The Owl House. ITts going to be amazing, yet incredibly chaotic. I love it already.

Aww, thank u boo :D. ILY2.

[babybabymerrychristmas]

taylor really said yes im bisexual and what about it as she should

QUEEN SHIT honestly

I'm obsessed with her laissez-faire attitude, I adore it I was watching reputation tour and there is an OBSCENE amount of rainbow lighting in the film, I'm like kind of shocked by it honestly?

Louie fuller dedication coming after dress but before should've said no/bad blood remix??? That was so loud of her.

Idk, I think this might be the year. I think she wants to come out near pride time like last time but I think that means we might get the rest of the rerecordings this year because she's been hinting at a lot of new music she's been writing and I think she wants to share those new tracks with us more than she wants to stay in the rerecording era.

I thought she might have done 2 rerecordings this year and then new album next year but she might be in the studio recording reputation right now in order to do a 4 album drop at once? That'd be truly chaotic of her.

Anyways, with how explicit midnights is to the women references and specifically to Karlie (before midnights I was like 50/50 on whether or not they dated but after maroon alone... I'm sorry it's like in YOUR FACE obvious), I don't really think she can keep the queer thing under wraps for much longer.

I just think that anyone with 2 brain cells to rub together can pick up on the queer references in midnights. It's why we get stupid takes like "the great war is about herself" or "maroon is about jake/harry" like I truly do not understand the amount of willfull ignorance it takes to ignore taylor singing about kissing a woman's red lips and calling them home.

Like idk this got rambley but I think this might be the year of the gaylor honestly.

[peaky-shelby]

just a lil blurb req/idea if you're up for it hehe. Kylian or Taylor giving the other a massage bc either Taylor was so hard on him at practice or Kylian and the boys were absolutely chaotic making it hard for Taylor at practice.

If you wanna read Tay giving Kylian a massage than go to this story by @okayymochi bc it's golden. Lemme try giving you an other version. This one can also be set on the actual timeline, a day after the bathroom scene (maybe).

New Romantics — blurb: massage

"even Marquinhos was a pain in the ass today." She exclaimed, shutting the fridge's door with a bang, causing a mini earthquake in the Kylian's kitchen. She was holding two eggs on her hands. Kylian watched as she continued her outburst that he had been listening to ever since he got to his apartment, rolling his eyes at some of her comments but letting her go on because she wasn't all that wrong. "What are we? Fucking kindergarten pranking your teacher because you're bored? And all day you had that smug ass grin on your face--” she broke one of the eggs on the pan in the most aggressive way he had ever seen her do it and he knew that part of her was imagining knocking his head the same way. "Whose idea even was it? Your fucking nephew? Bet not he's more mature than half of you!” she broke the second egg even harder, making step back in fear that he'd throw it on him if she had the chance.

Taylor used the spatula to move the eggs on the pan, taking her anger out on them "SHIT!!!” She yelled when a bit of the oil spilled on her hand and burned her skin. She stepped back, throwing the spatula on the counter out of instinct and groaning in annoyance. Meanwhile Kylian was covering his mouth so he wouldn't show his smile or start laughing. "Stupid fucking oil" she snapped.

"need your whistle?"

She turned around, snatching on one of towels and throwing it to face him "shut the fuck up!” she shouted. Turning back to her eggs "don't even look at me right now." She focused on the eggs, keeping the rest of the words for herself. She was so tense, she could feel it on every part of her body, every inch of her skin and her chest felt heavy with anger--

His hands on her shoulder, a gentle but firm squeeze on her bones that felt like someone was trying to unlock her. she tensed a little, almost moving away from him but his grip remained on her to keep her close. He repeated the same movements, his thumb making most of the work on her back as she slowly started to give in, leaning on him so his perfume would add to the experience. Then his lips on the side of her neck, he didn't over do it, just two kisses on either side, so any last thoughts of pushing him away would disappear abd he continued massaging her, unlocking her, untangling her from her thoughts. He moved his thumbs to back of her neck, pushing her downwards and working with the nerves that run up to her head. "If i get burning oil in my eye I'm gonna murder you." She hummed and he laughed, that loud laugh of his that some described as obnoxious. He removed his hand from her and turned off the kitchen, pulling her away by her arms-- "my eggs--"

"I'll make you better ones." he sat her down on one of the stools on his kitchen. She attempted to slap his hands away and get up again but he stood in front of her, his hands coming up to her shoulders again as he pressed on the same spots. Only difference was she could look at his eyes while he was doing that, and if his touch wasn't enough to untangle her, his look did it for her. He thumbs moved up to her neck and the space behind her ears, she closed her eyes as she let him do his magic, her mouth staying shut. She leaned back on his hold, in the way his hands cupped her entire face, playing with her hair and nerves like she was instrument. He couldn't help but smile at how fragile she looked in front of him now, how light and small and how much control he could have over her without that affecting her independence because he knew she'd be back whistling in an hour. He enjoyed making her feel like this, he enjoyed seeing her give in to him. It even turned him on.

He lowered his face to her, his fingers continuing with their task. "Better?” he whispered, his lips stroking her cheek as he spoke and she let a hum in response. He grinned, clicking his lips and giving her an actual kiss on the cheek while his hands moved to cup her cheeks and hold her still as he connected his lips with hers, apologizing in the best way he knew how.

"your punishment for tomorrow stands" she said among the kisses, making him laugh and nod, biting on her bottom lip.

"so strict."

She reached for hips, bringing him closer to her, while her legs circled around his. "You were asshole today."

"would you believe me if i said it was Ney's idea?" He hands went back to her shoulders, repeating he previous movements as he could feel her tensing up again. He walked around her and slipped his hands under shirt to have better contant. She shivered when she felt his skin on hers, the warmth was too much for her coldness. He started from her lower back, moving up to her shoulders again, taking his time with every knot on her body he'd bump on, until he went so high, he pulled her shit asking for permission to take it off. At which point Taylor was too hypnotized to speak so she just gave him a note and he took it off. Leaving her only with her sports bra and continuing on his mission to untie every single one of her worries from her bones and everytime he'd untie one, he'd kiss the skin over where it used to be. All the way to her neck againz where the kisses started getting more sloppy, more sexual, open mouthed and heated until she completely leaned her head on him, letting him kiss away her skin. Suck on her skin like it was heroine. She twisted her head, searching for those lips that'd leave a mark there, searching for them so she could thank them because on the pitch she'd be the meanest bitch to him she could be, that washer job, he was an athlete, she was his coach. But in his kitchen, they were just humans.

The kiss deepened in seconds, their tastes familiar to each other, access wide open for one another without having to ask. He picked her up by her thighs, she tight them around him. He smiled against her lips "wanna do the rest?"

"mhm" she smiled.