#and THEN pretends she doesnt know shit with the police

[flaringgoosebumps]

Every time I watch Carrie (2002) it feels so sapphic

[polyhexian]

The more I think about it the more I think Tessa in the one photo that's post manor massacre has to be her for real. She didn't die during the gala. Like- look at Cyn. Look at the WAY she's wearing Tessa's corpse. It doesn't even fit. It's stitched together. It's got no eyes. I just don't think there was ever a point where Cyn could have been wearing her skin and successfully passing as her as if she were still alive. Not like. With her skin out. And not in a spacesuit. Is it possible? Sure. I mean. She wore heels in that space suit, so Cyn's ability to fit her shit into compact spaces is in Hammer space Physics of "whatever the plot calls for." So it wouldn't be like. Unreasonable to assume tessa has already been killed.

But also.

How interesting would it be if she hadn't died there. Cyn didn't IMMEDIATELY manage to blow up the planet. Enough time passed for police to come to the manor so that photo could be taken. And it does not appear that anyone is currently fleeing for their lives from killer robots. Because it is the daytime perhaps? But theyre also like. Indoors.

There's a lot of narrative potential in Cyn genuinely following that "I will not discard you" line with the expected "I will let you, and only you, live." Rather than immediately killing her. Maybe Tessa also foolishly was hoping that she could convince Cyn to stop all this, that if she could just make her UNDERSTAND, she could Save The World... Perhaps at least one J is essentially held hostage by the fact that Tessa is held hostage. The same situation as V, in a way. Will do whatever Cyn tells her to so that the other person doesnt get hurt. What is the final straw, though. It can't be TOO much time between the gala and her death since she doesn't appear to have aged all that much. So. At what point does Cyn change her mind. Or does she? Does she even kill Tessa? Or does something else? If tessa died trying to escape, or to save someone, in an accident or something. Cyn could have gotten like. Fuck. I promised not to discard her. Welp, gotta make do I guess. With how much she enjoys tormenting the drones by using their personalities against them, it would also be interesting I think if tessa finally pissed her off enough that Cyn like turned J off and put her into kill mode and had HER kill her before flipping the switch back on to let her see what she had done. You know. For fun! And then she can get around to the skinning and the wearing.

Actually, on that note, accounting for Cyn wearing Tessa's skin, it would have a whole different weight if THAT was what J was referring to when she said "there's no escape, even in death!"

Also Cyn clearly just like. Enjoys roleplaying. She constantly does it with all her little hologram characters. And then like. When she runs into V and N and Uzi she's acting like Tessa, using her voice- but she was also doing that before that. When she hopped out of the ship with J she was already using her voice and J seems quite unphased. There was no reason she needed to be doing that then with no one else around. So like. Obviously. That wasn't purely for logistical reasons. It seems to me like part of the game has also been the roleplaying. Playing pretend with her dolls and her dress up. She's roleplaying as Tessa even when shes not actively trying to convince anyone she's actually her. I imagine even back on earth before her and J came out this way, Cyn was already parading about in her little costume, making J and anyone else call her Tessa. practicing her voice perhaps.

[butchdykekondraki]

if it's okay can you explain the dsaf lore please?

ignore how long this took to answer i have normal time management skills (<- lying)

okay dsaf lore is long and complicated so. its under the cut lol

okay to explain dsaf lore i kind of have to lay down some general like foundational lore and its. well its A Lot. dsaf is super convoluted lore-wise and theres a lot of world-building in this stupid 3-part game series its kind of ridiculous. moral of the story if something happens dont question it its just a dsaf thing. if you dont want foundational lore thats fine its not rlly THAT important its just context. that being said heres foundational lore

>the real fredbear is the metaphysical entity representing childhood, he is Not god but he is very similar to a god

>dont ask about why the flipside is Like That its just Like That for lore purposes and theres no reasoning behind it (from what im aware of)

>dave millers name comes from henrys dead son david miller which is why its so specific and why dave has the same last name as henry, no theyre not related, dave stole his name and imprinted onto him, yes hes still william afton, no he does not have the same backstory as william afton, and no dave is not the father of michael afton or anyone in the afton family bc elizabeth is rebranded as dee kennedy and michael and cc are stevens children

>the phone guys are Like That because of henry and abel fucking with their brains and shit and to save time i will not get into Why but just know that theres some real fucked up shit with them and thats why theyre so fucking Weird

>unimportant characters (like matt) will not be mentioned bc they do not matter and dsaf lore is convoluted enough without mentioning them

>peter, dee, and jack are all siblings but peter had no idea about it until dsaf 3 bc he had no memory of them due to phone fuckery, this doesnt matter a lot but it is important to mention bc of some lore implications in dsaf 2

>yes dee is the puppet when shes also a stand-in for elizabeth afton its fine bc the sl guys dont matter at all theyre not important just pretend they dont fucking exist bc they basically dont

>dsaf is SUPER lore divergent if you cant tell already so dont be shocked if i mention something and its not canon to the actual fnaf timelines bc its probably just dsaf-specific lore

>dont ask why henrys Like That he just Is and you just have to deal with that ok???

OKAY ONTO THE LIKE. ACTUAL LORE. lol. lmfao. (also theres two timelines that are both canon at the same time. dont ask how that works it just does okay)

radical/aubergine/gnarly/bad ending timeline (yes it does really have that many names. these are all the same thing dont get confused with minor changes like how jack dies in dsaf 1 and etc)

>henry miller starts fazbears family diner with dave miller, only for scott cawthon to start fazbenders immediately afterwards to ride off their success. during this time henry is experimenting with cheating death and manipulates dave into killing children at the diner to (without daves knowledge) experiment on them(/their souls) >jack kennedy (guy you play as/the protag) is springlocked in the backroom and henry and dave use his death to get away with the murders, particularly the murder of a girl named dee kennedy, by labeling him as the murderer who then died, only for “the real fredbear” to show up and revive him on the condition that he promises to save childrens souls

>henry is murdered by blackjack (jacks soul <- THIS WILL COME IN LATER DONT FORGET ABOUT HIM) and the diner is promptly bought out by fazbender entertainment >dave meets jack at a colorado location of fazbenders and dave negotiates that since jack is a "clean slate" he should help him murder five children, jack agrees and they lure five kids to the backroom and kill them. following this, steven (phoney 1) gets suspicious and promptly tries to frame jack, however dave finds out and together her and jack kill steven and the police who tried to arrest them by burning down the colorado location (and then ditching to vegas)

>in dsaf 2 they basically rinse and repeat the same process but after peter (phoney 2) finds out jack straight up Beats Him (and the real fredbear) To Death. (and then they ditch to vegas but dave is terrified of him now)

>in dsaf 3 dave(trap) is found rotting away in a building by jack and goes on a monologue of how he "knew he wouldnt leave him alone" and jack takes him back to the freddys location that jack now owns, and afterwards jack and davetrap kill multiple children, all while phoney 3 gets more suspicious.afterwards, after phoney 3 finds out about the murders, they snap and storm out after cursing you out >davetrap springlocks jack to give him "immortality" and they go to vegas, where davetrap goes on a brief rant about how he realized he was never happy because jack never knew who he "really was" and confesses to being william afton

>davetrap takes jack to his "fazbunker" (note this is just the same place as we see in fnaf sister location) and shows him a chest containing a red scarf and other memorabilia from murders he’s committed, and thus jack has a realization that this is his dead sister dee's scarf and comes to the correct conclusion that dave/william killed his younger sister and framed him back during the diner days, leading him to murder dave

good end/saved end/”THE end”

>everything is the same as before but this time you decline everytime dave asks you to kill kids and instead work with dee/the puppet to save the children via the happiest day minigame

>jack finds davetrap rotting and declines taking him back to uncle jacks family diner and davetrap sobs and cries and yells about how he should've known he would do this to him and begins begging jack not to leave him alone, but of course jack does and then heads home

>jack goes into "the flipside" via an arcade machine in his home and sees dave , to which jack is reasonably caught off guard and they have a talk where dave explains the flipside is where souls come to chill and that this first layer is based around the 70s-80s fazbenders locations they scurry around in here for a while before a child’s ghost appears and they fight him before jack frees his soul (and dave comments on how it feels nice to free a soul)

>dave makes a portal (this is never explained btw.) and they head off to the second layer of the flipside to find more souls to free. they scurry around the second layer of the flipside for a bit before pressing a button to open a door for the prize corner where dee is, where it’s then revealed she’s the puppet

>dee engages jack and dave in battle because she doesnt believe dave is "truly sorry" and thinks jack is making some sick joke at her expense. jack explains to dave that dee is it’s sister and jack tells dee not to worry because dave’s changed. she does not believe this and so dave tells her his entire backstory to which dee decides he’s pathetic and that she’ll work with him to save the souls for the childrens sake

>jack fucks off back to the reality and does reality shenanigans like running his business

>he comes back and they go into a portal to the third floor which is designed around 80s-90s fazbenders locations. on the third floor we meet steven who’s just been there the entire time, and he INSTANTLY assumes they're there to kill him and makes them battle robots until they find him huddled in a corner. he rambles about how he’s unsaveable and they should just leave him and jack has to pull him from his spiral to tell him he’s still worth saving even if he was a bit of a dick to everyone >dave makes another portal and they head down to the last level of the flipside and jack and dee remark about it being peters house and how weird that is because only jack and dee would remember that place. they wander around for a while before finding peter sitting in a room, to which he remarks about being a trap and this confuses everyone

>blackjack, who is taking the form of jack’s dead dog sparky, appears. blackjack is enraged that jack even exists, believing himself to be “the real jack kennedy” to which they argue and blackjack mentions how he has henry sitting in a void for all eternity as torment, this INFURIATES everyone to which they all collectively go “?? dude no we need to Kill Him.” and blackjack is pissed about it but he decides that “ok fine they can kill henry” so long as he gets to join them >they fight henry and during it he takes down everyone by nitpicking their deepest insecurities, besides jack who then revives them all and they kill that bastard

>everyone leaves except for dave and jack and it’s revealed that since jack doesn’t have a soul inside him he cannot go with, so instead he gives blackjack off to dave so that he won’t be alone >jack burns down his diner with him and every freddys animatronic inside and the plot of land is turned into a gravesite for william/dave, jack, dee, peter, and steven

[papirouge]

You know, this is pretty silly, but I'm kinda starting to dislike the term "PoC", mostly because its used so often when it doesnt make sense. Like I still recognize its usefullness sometimes, but many times I'll see phrases like "POC are usually considered dangerous and threatening". Like I'm sorry, but in what world are asians considered scary or dangerous, or light skinned hispanics and native americans? It's literally only black and brown people that are seen this way. I dont know why so many people like to group every single non-white together when our experiences are often very different. "POC tend to be more disadvantaged at any level of education and perform worse." Again. asians literally kick white people asses when it comes to academics and success, literally what the fuck are you talking about??? Just say blacks and hispanics, like its only a few words more."

That's why I'm pro black women. Not pro Black (Black men can choke and BLM was a pro Black MAN movement) and not pro POC. Asians are infamously anti Black and I'll never forget how glad they were to feast on the anti BLM/the 13% Black menace resentment to push their anti asian hate thing. There was a reddit threat with a asian man saying Black people had the blood of the asian women who got killed by that WHITE psychopath..... His reaction is everything you need to know about how Asians will always suck up whiteness to dunk on Blacks.

And yeah, I roll my eyes soooo bad whenever I see Asians pull out the bEing a MoDel MinOritY is HaRd.....hmmmm, shut up? 🙃 they have the same lack of self awareness has those millionaires complainzd about being stuck in their 1500 square mansion during quarantine..... Just shut up, already.

And despite their struggle of being the model minority, Asians never peep a word when the Whites are using them to diss Blacks and argue that the problem is that they're just stupid and need to integrate moar (of course they forget that Asian vs Black immigration story are entirely different, their racial stigma is not comparable (east asians are still PALE and phenotypically very closer to whiteness than Blacks and that definitely plays a role). So deep down, they LOVE being the model minority and stick up FOR THEMSELVES when the Whites don't on other POC. They just pretend being sad about it to sound relatable to other non White communities and rebuke the "Asians are white supremacy cucks" narrative.

That being said, I'm the first to point out how the Black community needs to get its shit together. Of course, rap culture got created by the CIA to destroy the African American community, this whole ghetto, baby mama, glorifying illiteracy shit got shoved to Black Americans.. None of those things are organic to Blackness, otherwise it would still be as much of a thing in Africa, when that's not the case (African immigrants do better in the USA than ADOS, that's for a reason) but there's still need to be accountability. I'm sick of some Blacks acting like Blacks dealing drugs and shooting each other were victims. They are predator and need to be treated as such. Candace Owens is insane but she's very right on that aspect. Black men are the main source of Black femicide yet those men expect us to mule for them against White supremacy..... Black women need to burn the cape and look out for THEMSELVES. Black men are emasculated bum and will always use their women as human shield than hold themselves accountable (they always blame their shortcomings on White supremacy, yet lust after the White man's women...the same women birthing their oPpResSor lmao). This realization made me snap out of that BLM shit (not that I was really into this anyway but I thought it was still a positive thing that more ppl grew aware of police brutality) and made me pro Black women. Other communities can choke big time.

And don't get me started on Latinos. Those people will clown gringos to sound cool but weren't they the one clowning France soccer NT and how full of Blacks it was so they possibly couldn't be french? Weren't Argentinian soccer fans bragged about their White passing team and how their country wasn't "like a Netflix movie"? lmao Those idiots have the tragic mulato curse written all over their butt. They milk their latin-ness at convenience but will ultimately always stick to the Whites like the brainwashed colonizer crossbreed spawn that they are. They are raging colorists for a reason.... That's why I only trust & claim Black looking latinos à la Dominican Republic or Brazil - the others are White idc lmao White Latinos are demented and I'm absolutely not surprised they were so cool to welcome nazi. Absolute demonic breed... Their lizard lineage can't seat at the POC table. We humans out here.

[angelwiththeblue-box]

ALLLLLLLL RIGHT!!!

so. picture this. the year is i dont fucking know. local man morpheus nolastname manages to get so far into death's good graces that she's like yk what im going to not take you ever and morpheus is like bro thats sick as fuck are u my sister now and death is like mmm no.

and then she ditches him for three hundred odd years. morpheus goes through the ropes, watches the people around him die. he starts keeping journals of everything that goes wrong so that he doesnt forget any of the worst things. eventually he turns into this cold-hearted fucker who is trying his level best to escape. he makes a deal with like. idk a death god or something (probably an incarnation of the corinthian -- HOLD UP NO ITS RODERICK BURGESS) to help him capture death (but not hurt her!!! morpheus still loves her in his own way)

so things happen and death comes back to morpheus but not intentionally. maybe she gets caught on a job or something wrong place wrong time morpheus pretends not to know her and she doesnt recognise him until hes like AHA IT IS I MORPHEUS REMEMBER ME and shes like oh heyyyyyy buddy how you doing and hes like NOT FUCKING GOOD and proceeds to tell her why all of her plans are rubbish and she's a terrible person and for fucks sake PLEASE KILL HIM!!! this does not happen what does happen is that he helps roderick burgess capture her!! along the way they run into morpheus' archnemesis, a man named hob gadling. idk what they're archnemeses of possibly highwaymen shit idk

so they have some fun banter death Senses stuff and then things happen yadda yadda morpheus and death are on thin strings because morpheus still desperately wants to get out like he is so tired of everything living and dying and dropping like fucking mayflies

anyway back to morpheus' house which is probably just fawney rig where death is like morpheus i know you are more than this i remember you being kind and in love with storytelling please rememeber that and morpheus is like i dont remember that part of me that part of me is gone now thanks to you and then he pulls up with roderick burgess and they're like either you bring back randall (because yeah that cheeky fuck is still on that) and kill morpheus or we trap you here for good and death is like first off no i cant bring back your dead fucking son are you crazy and two bad news morpheus you cant ask for my gift after ive already refused it (this is a straight up LIE there is always a way out but morpheus secretly still loves humanity and death is still holding out hope)

and so theyre like fucking fine so basically the ritual to trap you forever requires the death of a mortal so theyre initially going to kill alex burgess which death does NOT LIKE and is staunchly againsrt BUT THEN!!! the police pull up and are like LORD BURGESS/LORD MORPHEUS!! HOB GADLING HAS BEEN CAPTURED!! HE IS TO HANG IN THE GALLOWS IN HALF AN HOUR!

and morpheus manages to convince burgess to change the sacrifice from alex to hob mostly because he doesnt want burgess to lose another son but he passes it off as like. idk practicality or something so they go to the hanging and death manages to get herself out of her traps and so cut to the hanging right

hob gadling is terrified out of his mind but hes cracking jokes to stay sane and morpheus pulls up in a carriage and goes and stands next to him on the stage because the whole damn town knows about their issues TM and morpheus wants a front row seat to hob's demise and hob is still just trying to make the people like him enough to save him and hes like hey listen what about a kiss from a lord before i die (homophobia whos she never heard of her) and morpheus obliges and is like oh fuck and hob is like oh fuck and the DEATH pulls up (roderick burgess is still in the carriage) and gets there just as hob is about to be hung but he recognises her in the crowd and is like OH SHIT I CAN STALL MORE DEATH DEATH and she sees what hes doing and also she doesnt have an appt with him today something must be up and so she cracks jokes WITH HIM and then burgess is like ENOUGH and pops out and goes to kill hob and very nearly succeeds and his whole ritual thing starts to wreak havoc on the town and morpheus has to watch and he has no idea how to stop it and he turns to death and goes "HELP ME JESUS CHRST I CARE ABOUT THEM WHY DO I CARE ABOUT THEM HOW DO I STOP THIS" and death is like YESSSSSSS and shes like hob gadling is the catalyst if you save him it will end all of this but the blow burgess gave him was fatal and then death is like i could refuse him my gift and after a moment where the rushing in morpheus' ears is the only thing he hears he remembers the kiss and he tells death to take away her gift

nothing happens, she doesnt gesture or anything, but in that instant, the spell dies. hob gadling was never meant to die, but it only mattered when death actively refused to give him her gift.

anyway they fix things burgess dies blah blah morpheus and death and hob go and have a drink (there is Flirting happening with morpheus and hob) and morpheus is like is it true that you cant ever kill me and death is like no that was a lie but come on do you really want to die and she makes some implications (side eye over to where hob is having a laugh in the corner) and morpheus is like no i suppose not but i dont wish to continue as i am and he decides to seek out those like him (like mad hettie or others) and just. tell their stories. that will be his job. he will be the prince of stories. the thing is, the people that live the longest always have the best tales to tell.

~~~~~

THAT CAME OUT IN LIKE TWENTY MINUTES HOLY FUCK

double points if you can guess what this is an au of

this is great i love it

[strawberryspeachy]

I’m really homesick. Its compounded by grief for my mom.

I find myself in another shitty situation. I don’t want to go back the the US because i have no home. I have no job. I have no boyfriend.

I miss my friends and american stuff but i cant afford to live back home

Moreso before I didnt want to watch my mom get worse. Id planned to go back after i took a break. It was so exhausting being the only one trying to keep her there. Cleaning the house. Moving from home and just trying to exist. Im miserable and suicidal and i wanted a break. From being a caretaker and from my psycho family

Then i got here and i didnt get a break. Japan is stupidly hard to live in and then corona ruined my plans. I wanted to feel like i really experienced japan. I wanted to feel accomplished in my job over here. I didnt realize how bad the job i signed up to do was.

Before i could even get a feeling of accomplishment my mom died.

I dont want to live back home without her. What do i do when i go places where i went with here. See things without her. Eat with out her. Plan without her.

She was never in japan and i still cant look a garfeild or snoopy without feeling pain

I cant survive back home without her

But japan sucks. I have no friends. No one wants to be in a relationship with me. Im constantly treated like shit for being a non white woman

Im sick of having gross old men harass me every second of every day

Im sick of women slamming into me and jumping on me and either pretending im not physically in a place and trying to run through me or taking me as a threat and throwing their body into me

Im sick of getting paid less and having my work being credited by others. Of being told that im not qualified or good enough for jobs theyd give a slob who cant even write their own name

Im sick of having to argue with shitty ppl to get checked at the doctor, my phone number or internet in order, to live in a place

Im sick of no insulation and high costs for energy

Im sick of high taxes that dont benefit me

Im sick of construction work ruining my only free time

Im sick of ppl squishing together on public transport

Of robotic ppl who dont care about anyone

Of police harassing me

Im so tired of it. Im home sick. I want halloween. I want normal chit chat when i go to a store. I want to walk in a straight line without ppl running me down. I want american food. I want to be in my car

Im homesick. Im legitimately home sick

But im homesick for a place that literally doesnt exist. My house is gone. My pets are gone. Most importantly my mom is gone. I want my mom. Shes not there. I want to go home. It doesn’t exist

I don’t know what to do with myself

The choice isn’t even rlly mine. Ive pissed off 5 companies by calling them out, calling them out, making them follow the law, making them follow the law, calling them out

And now the newest one is the worst yet. I hate them. I dont want to work as an assistant anymore. I dont wana to work with these horrible dispatches and all the schools want men or white women. Im so angry watching ppl who cant do their jobs be easily given them and kept.

Im tired of fighting. And I don’t think its gonna get my anywhere. I dont want to go back the the states and fall apart… i want to just die

I dont even have my psudomom anymore. She had a stroke and is on the path my mom took…my home away from home didnt a viable option anymore either

Im so miserable

Also to top it off. This school the one where i have the best admin life of any school ever. Its the first school where the students don’t rlly like me. Which sucks. Other schools ive wished i could be more involved with the students homeroom and clubs and trips - now i could. But this student body didnt take to me as well as all the other schools students so even though i can be involved i dont get involved.

I wish i were dead. I hate my life.

I miss my mom

[that-darn-clown]

i really dont want to dox myself with this but id rather risk it and get this story out there.

my grandparents practically raised me. theyre in their 50s, grew up in the late 60s. my grandpa (not by blood, he married my grandmother when my dad was a kid) is an awful person, ive known that for a long time. the problem is that hes making my grandma a worse person as they age. but this isnt about their verbal and likely physical abuse. this is about watching fox news.

my grandpa relishes in his fox news, hes conservative because it makes me mad and hurts the people he doesnt like (libs and gays.) *side note: remind me to tell the story about his pretend trans woman shooting bullshit* so my grandparents are watching fox news and i am doing my best to avoid watching it because its vile and disgusting.

the following news story came on: a woman had a stroke while leaving the hospital, was suddenly arrested for trespassing, then police thought she was faking the stroke and left her on the cold ground where she proceeded to fucking die. it was awful and sad and the kind of shit that makes me advocate for acab and for disabled people.

my grandma says only two things

"she (the woman having a stroke) is not black so no one will care"

"theres a black cop!" (said this as if she really did something profound)

a million things ran through my mind, mostly "how have the people who raised me become so backwards despite growing up during a literal revolution" and "how is this about race and not disability when the clear point of the story was to present ableism"

so yeah. im tired of my grandparents.

*another side note: i know a lot of people witness their family do worse things. the reason small stuff like this sticks out to me is they are MAJOR gaslighters (a lot of "oh because i said this ONE thing now im the bad guy") and act normal when there are other people around*

[greggorylee]

@drunkenwhaleer yeah like. it wasnt explicitly stated that "youre fired if your attitude doesnt improve", but the point of the councelling session is to address any problems they have with how im working which directly affect my hours, how much im paid, or if im fired. my manager used words like "need" and "want" when describing having employees being always in a good mood all the time. so. idk what else im supposed to get from that yknow?

@corundite i shit you not, one of the problems they have with my behavior is that i "look ready to leave by the end of the shift" (because im fucking tired and have chronic pain which SHE KNOWS ABOUT) and "Keep looking at the clock". am i going insane or are they implying that they dont want me being visibly tired or checking the fucking time???? my manager has a weird obsession with having everyone be ~a team~ and be like. "proud of the company / want to work here". its uh. giving real big batim vibes im waiting for them to put up "work hard work happy" posters next to the fucking declaration of independence and preamble

@ip2lb heres the best part: idk if there is even another job around here i could emotionally/physically handle :" ) im really lucky in an ironic way to have the job i do but its just slowly getting more fucking annoying as they get more money and are focused on growing more and pushing out more product : / i really dont understand what the fuck the point was to police my body language. we've been dealing with this our whole life too lol. and i cant fucking say anything. cant say that im just here to survive, that im actually fucking embarrassed to work there, that im fucking exhausted and she reminds me of an abusive ex and that i literally dont have the fucking energy to pretend to be happy to satiate her weird fantasy of having a big happy family workplace. fucks sake. anyway i love you so much bro thank you

our work does ""counselling"" every month and todays was basically them telling me that im not fucking cheerful enough and look at the clock too much and act too much like im not fucking psyched to work for a bootlicking boss and his manager that tries to camp counselor capitalism to us. topped with a reminder that if i dont keep up im fired. we love being out of place in every single fucking environment we exist in. love never ever being good enough. love that whether we can afford to live is now once again dependant on pretending to Love Capitalism and faking everything for people we Hate. cool

[doodlboy]

I've been banished back to the top of my dash, time to sleep

[sssrha]

transcription of slides under the cut:

[SLIDE 1] the vibes ao3’s top 9 mdzs ships give me (a really stupid thing i made on a lazy saturday)

[SLIDE 2] wangxian: the wholesome canon relationship (with a hint of spice)

ok maybe calling the union between a demonic cultivator and a secret sex fiend “wholesome” isnt exactly accurate…but that’s where the “hint of spice” comes in

other than that tho? i remember seeing a meme somewhere about wangxian and sangcheng and wangxian was described as “domestic gays with a house and a white picket fence and two kids” and honestly? yes 

not that they cant be freaky. id say their particular brand of freakiness is vaguely surrealist suburban horror. make of that what you will

[SLIDE 3] xicheng: either its “pair the spares” or just about trauma

their dynamic is 500% “karen/enabling husband” but like in a good way

objectively the best-dressed couple you will ever meet. like seriously why are you even trying? theyve got you beat

jc would own a flower shop and punch you in the face for saying a single bad thing about his flowers. lxc would own a tattoo parlor and hand you a lollipop and tell you how proud he is of you for not crying while he gave you a tattoo

they dont strike me as a “every evening we relax and watch the sunset” type of relationship B U T every other week they go stargazing with a detailed map of the night sky

[SLIDE 4] xiyao: either a) the angst of betraying/being betrayed or b) the angst of killing/being killed

high society gays. they would both unironically wear tuxedos to a mcdonalds. lxc would see it as a fun couples thing and jgy would do it to assert his dominance

i swear they would be among the smiliest of the major couples. only one of them would give you a happy smile

dont mess with them. no like dont mess with any of the couples but so far jgy is the first one who would make your life living hell and keep you around long enough to suffer the consequences

[SLIDE 5] sangcheng: being simultaneously over- and underestimated

i saw a meme about sangcheng and wangxian where sangcheng was described as something along the lines of “wine aunt and vodka uncle” and honestly? yes

they’re both human disasters. nhs would have various splotches of color on his clothes and you cant tell if it was intentional or if theyre actually stains. jc is very neat and organized but will have a mental breakdown at the slightest inconvenience

sometimes they just sit down across from each other and. cry. its how they bond

idk why it popped into my head but they’re both ace Because I Said So

[SLIDE 6] xuexiao: cute domesticity but also murder

i refuse to believe that xy is anything but unhinged in every universe. whether or not thats a good thing is up to you

xy could and would murder you in your sleep and not feel bad about it until xxc told him off. even then he might still decide it was worth it

xxc doesnt exactly know about The Murder Stuff(TM) but he knows some shit is off but he trusts xy enough to not comment on it

they would meet and hook up in a bar and mutually decide that they may as well stay together for the rest of their lives the next morning

[SLIDE 7] xuanli: the token straights (but also? theyre really cute???)

i did not expect them to be as cute as they were but here i am

anyway jyl has jzxuan wrapped around her little finger and shes just too nice to use that to her advantage

if jyl asked jzxuan for some chocolate jzxuan would just buy her the entire hershey company and forget to give her an actual chocolate bar and jyl is too sweet to actually say anything about it

they would definitely have like 20 children. theyd fucking love being parents. the moment having another child became dangerous theyd start adopting left and right. theyre rich they can afford it and their hearts are big enough for all their kids so why would they not?

[SLIDE 8] songxiao: childhood friends to lovers AND perfect power couple

i know they have more nuance than this but i cant help but think of them as The Perfect Couple(TM)

not shipping-wise!! i mean like. theyre both law-abiding citizens. their house looks like a model house. theyre dressed super neat and handsomely. they both know cpr and first aid and one of them is a lawyer and the other is an award winning writer. idk who is who but yk.

they are who people call to deal with problems instead of the police and they delight in that fact. that is what i mean by them being The Perfect Couple(TM)

[SLIDE 9] chengxian: disasters through and through

uhh i am going to be spending the entirety of this slide ignoring the fact that i personally consider them siblings

they would live in a dingy studio apartment in the heart of a city and theyd both never be home

theyre both super fucking rich but theyd never have any money on hand so dont be surprised if they just starve out on the street one day because theyre just that stupid

they collectively have the self esteem of rotting cabbage but theyre keeping themselves and each other alive purely out of spite and sheer force of will

[SLIDES 10] nielan: childhood friends to lovers AND himbo power couple

psst heres a secret: neither of them are actually himbos

H O W E V E R they both 500% pretend they are. they intentionally act as stupid as possible just for the fun of it

the best part is when they stop acting stupid when something important happens. crouching-moron-hidden-badass at its finest

also the older brother energy is overflowing. it does not matter who you are or how old you are. if you meet them then youre going to walk away with two new big brothers

[SLIDES 11] the end (unless i gather the willpower to make a part 2)

[catmonk]

Straight as a Spy

Part One Part Two Note

Yuri Briar x Loid Forger

Yuri woke up with his head in someone’s lap- someone who wasn’t Yor. Slam. He elbowed the stranger in the gut, holy shit were they made of iron. He looked up to see their face only to realize it was the handsome stranger from last night. Oh no. He was saving himself for marriage.

“Oh, you pack quite a punch. Yuri, I can't thank you enough for marrying me last night.”

What.

“I made this myself.” Lo- Forger leaned over to the side of the couch, and pulled up a tray that smelled amazing. 

It wasn't too late to kill everyone in the room and make an escape. No one would suspect anything. No, Forger had a daughter. He couldn't kill someone’s Yor. Well, a quick bite before interrogation wouldn't hurt. 

It didn't work out that way. 

Yuri found himself scarfing down the whole plate. Hmph. Forger might be a tall, handsome, considerate doctor, but it's going to take a lot more than a decent meal to earn approval. 

“You're lying. I can't remember anything from last night.”

“Ah that makes sense. I was quite drunk too, but luckily one of us remembers something. I told you about how I needed to get married to enroll my daughter into Eden Academy, and you proposed to me using a paper ring you made on the spot- it was very cute.”

Yuri felt his ears burn, he definitely remembered that part.

“Anyways, we walked down city hall which was possibly a choice made far too drunk. After the papers were completed, you collapsed and I had to carry you back here. I pulled in a favor from a friend at the courthouse and got our marriage backdated a year, so it wouldn't look too suspicious to the academy.”

“And what would you know about what looks suspicious or not. To protect my sister, I've eliminated all sorts of threats to this country. Who says you won't be one of them.” Forger didn't know Yuri was a secret police officer, but his cover story was that he worked for the government so it wasn't a far stretch.

“Wow, you're really bad at pretending to not be a secret police officer.”

What.

“How do you know that.” Yuri’s hand gripped hard on the glass of water that was on the breakfast tray. He forgot his gun in his locker, dammit.

“You told me yourself last night when we were signing the papers.” Forger had a stupid stupid smile on his face like Yuri wasnt considering the best way to kill him. “Don't worry, I won't tell your sister. Everyone has a secret self they don't show to other people, not to friends… not to lovers... not even to family. I understand.”

“I see. Well, if we are to act as a married couple, I'll be moving in tomorrow.” Yuri was doing this because he wouldn't let his secret reach Yor, because he needed dirt on Forger. Nothing else.

A moving van rumbled through Berlint. It arrived shortly at a home harboring a very unusual family. A home riddled with secrets. A home where Anya was currently hiding behind Papa’s legs, looking up at the stranger.

“Welcome to Anya’s house!”

*So this is the spawn from Forger’s previous marriage.* Anya wasn't sold on this man.

Nonetheless, she took a deep breath. Papa needed her help on his super duper important mission. 

“Can I call you Old Man like Bondman does?”

“No…call me Sir.” 

She didn't even have to read Papa’s mind to know what face he was making.

“Why doesn't Anya call you Father instead? Sir seems a bit…impersonal.”

“Mm.”

“Well that's settled, after we sort out the boxes, shall we practice for the interview?”

Greatful for all reblogs

ok so the ** is basically like the little sparks around anyas head whenever she mindreads in the manga Im following the manga but yuri doesnt get alot of apprearences toe events might be slightly out of order hard to characterize someone who doesnt appear often ill propably get a new chapter up soonish, unfortunately theyve been short, not satified with that but it might take longer im impatient tho being gramatically correct really breaks up the flow sumtmes

[maschotch]

No opinion here, I just wanted to tell you I just love your tags😅but I guess I’d like to get your opinion on Hotch and his relationship with JJ throughout the show, like how do you feel about it or what are some of your likes and dislikes about how it was written

i am a known #jjhater but i actually really love her relationship with hotch?? i dont think jj herself is well written, but i like the dynamic between the two.

i like that jj has a very skewed perception of hotch? she definitely takes him at face value in the first 4 seasons. she thinks he’s emotionless and abrasive.. but she respects that? its how she was raised to be. so she admires him for being unaffected by the job, for asserting himself and getting what he wants, not realizing that he’s not really like that at all.

i think foyet was a bit of an awakening for jj. bc now she Knows he must be suffering, even when he’s not showing it. so she learns that “gee maybe he still has emotions even tho he doesnt talk ab them.” but she’s still not at the point where she’s comfortable talking to him. i think she really realizes that how much he cares in season six—both with the way he fought hard to try to keep her in the bau, and with the lengths he was willing to go to save emily. hotch himself has gotten a little less guarded over the seasons, particularly season 7 on, so that also helps. she sees him as a bit more human

but beyond her misjudgment, i find their actual relationship super interesting. i cant remember where but there was one interview back from season one talking ab the chars and someone said jj was like hotch’s intern. which they said mostly as a joke, but its stuck with me bc of how true it actually is? not an actual fucking intern akdhak but like… his mentee almost? reid had gideon and jj had hotch. not as explicitly teacher/student as gideon/reid, but the toned down version (which works better for both of their characters anyway). reid and gideon are more ab the intelligence aspect, while jj and hotch are more on the bureaucratic side. reid/gideon can focus on the profile, while jj/hotch deal with everything behind the scenes: the paperwork, the media, the police, the reports, etc. hotch also obviously works on the profile—especially since thats what we see him do the most—but thats only ab half his job. the rest of it was the stuff gideon hated about being unit chief (which makes me think hotch probably did the paperwork for team even before he became unit chief so gideon wouldnt have to). i mean he’s apparently been handling most of the reports for the rest of the team for fucks sake.

and jj has to do the same thing. i bully her for never doing shit on the show lmao but to be fair thats bc most of her job is when theyre at quantico between cases. and in the brief moments we do see them doing the paperwork, they usually interact. he’s either doing it with her or just checkin in on her since they’re the only ones on the team that are left in the office. they spend the most time together when they’re at the office while the others are working on cases or doing interviews or consultations or whatever else they have to do. she respects and admires him: she’s gonna look up to him. he wants to help her. its an unspoken mentorship that both are too emotionally constipated to acknowledge.

she doesnt always get the point of the lesson (like the birthright episode) but she’s been studying under him for years. and she picks up stuff quick. she’s grown more capable (allegedly) and more confident throughout the seasons. he’s seen her through one job to the next: tbh it would make more sense for her to be unit chief after hotch leaves. she would be taking up the mantle, and this would be the last thing he leaves her with. it would feel full circle. (pretending like she’d actually be good at the job—but it still makes more sense than bringing an extremely overqualified emily back)

anyway i love their relationship. neither of them are the best at communication, so they both interpret each other’s actions/words in a way that makes them hate themselves the most: they’re only hearing what they want to hear. they’re probably the most self loathing on the team, so p much everything they say feels like an emotional blow (i want to be clear: not at each other, eg hotch taking jj’s “youre a bully” comment to heart even tho she was essentially in the middle of a breakdown when she said it). they’re alike in so many ways but the way they view the world couldnt be more different. they’re mirrors, but they’re opposites. they show their love in completely different ways

idk i just think theyre neat

[thanatos-drive]

How do I put the read more thing?

Exactly a month since an attempt on my life.

I've had a plan to do something before I turned 35 or after I turned 35. I talked with someone with eds about why that particular age but I always thought my body would be shreds by then, something felt wrong with it. The person said the brain knows.

It certainly proved to be that way.

For a while I kept thinking to myself I'm all talk and that I would never take that leap because I had obligations, friends I would disappoint and people who would find me. The shame of that brought me pause. And that im just too much of a pussy to do it. But at the time I did it nothing mattered, I just wanted to escape this pain.

In the end it had nothing to so with how ill end up homeless and carless soon, how my last relationship was a joke, how ill likey never hold down a job even if a graduate, and how at this point I'll never meet someone even if I've come to terms I'm in a asexual spectrum, and how my current hip doctor is scoffind and ignoring my calls (he doesnt think i can be in that much pain). None of my concerns mattered all I wanted to do was escape the pain which has gotten so bad since I fell down the stairs.

That's ultimately why I'm doing prolo even though I intended to do that 5 years from now. Why I did a gofundme even though I feel like a leech and a loser and could risk loosing friends. I know I'm not all talk anymore. I know that if given the chance to kill myself I might do it now.

The person that intervened and help me did ask for my info and I got his. The police got involved which is something I've been afraid of. Someone coming to the house I'm in and following up on it or say there was a charge for it. But I dont think it will happen. The person helped me a lot, a total stranger helped me so much and said his only condition for it is he didn't wanna read something in the news about someone with my name killing themselves so I better not make him regret not doing more. So I am/have, I am pulling all my cards on the deck lately.

Starting next week I will be seen someone weekly. A doctor keeps insisting I should be detained at least until some more time passes. But I can't afford to. I need to do school, I need to keep up prolo. I need to keep trying to find housing.

Doing numbers I cant afford a place over $400 a month. It needs to have a bed because I can't lift over 10 pounds, it needs to be disability accessible and in a sage neighborhood. That place doesn't exist. I don't know where to look anymore.

My mom has stopped helping she's at the point where she believes this disease must be God's plan, since last week when I found out I inherited she's been sorta angry at me when I suggested checking my nephew for it. She sorta revealed she thinks I'm exaggerating it or that it's not real and how dare I wish this on other people. That God is too great and he would not let him have this. I've sensed this is how she feels for a while. Something similar is going on with my uncle. The only two people that could help me think I'm exaggerating or pretending. So does my ex.

I was looking into getting a gun before, something I knew nothing about (there is no mental health background check? What?), because I'm afraid where I'll live next. I've been robbed and had my room broken in before. I wanted something to defend myself. But now it just seems like surefire temptation.

Not to mention it would be a jerk thing to do to someone I've connected with.

Passive shit won't do it. I need to watch out for me. I can't promise I won't do it anymore like I used to. Again, I know I'm not all talk anymore.

[bigtittydemonwife]

Yandere creeps? 👀

Of course! since you didn’t specify who you wanted I decided to do Toby, Masky, Hoodie, Liu, EJ, LJ, Jeff and Jane

Ticci Toby

Honestly it wouldn’t take much for this man to go yandere honestly. Just show him kindness. He’s been shown cruelty his whole life so someone treating him with basic decency and not expecting anything out of it? Yeah he’s in love.

While he will treat you like a queen, if you fight back you will be punished. He doesn’t want to physically hurt his S/O, but he’s not below anything mentally. He will murder your loved ones right in front of you. All while saying things like “It’s you’re fault, I’m the only one who is allowed to love you”

But if your completely fine with being with him? (Don’t @ me I know there are some of you out there) He’s so happy! Expect cuddles everyday, they’re mandatory. He’s still possessive as all hell though. While he trusts you not to run away he does NOT trust others to not steal you away. No matter what you’re leaving the house for he’s coming with you. Taking out the trash? Wait for him. Getting grocery’s? Let him get his shoes. This leads to quote unquote dates a lot.

He needs you with them so don’t ever try to leave, love him and you should be fine. But don’t think it’s all happiness. He’s a PTSD ridden Schizophreniac with most likely trust issues and intimacy issues. There are days where you can tell him you love him a thousand times and he’s yelling about how you’re lying. But in a hour he’ll be back crying and begging for forgiveness.

He struggles with emotions so remember, he was major trouble showing love. The way he does it headpats, cuddles and not murdering you.

Eyeless Jack

Now this man is a mystery rapped in a enigma rapped in a riddle. For him, its tougher to figure out why he’s obsessed with you. But I’d say its how you are psychologically and what you’re life’s like.

Maybe its because of how generally kind you are despite knowing how shit life and people can be. Maybe he wants to protect the innocence he used to have?

Who knows. But as with Toby, Mans Possessive. Not in a lock you up kinda way (That would come later). But stalkerish. You may think you’re alone but you never are. Man knows you’re whole shecdual. And while he won’t KILL anyone who hurts you, that would draw way to much attention. But what he does is much worse.

He probably takes the longest out of all the creeps to show himself to you. And not even in person. He’d start with notes. If you return his feelings your safe and now have a cannibalistic stalker protector. If you don’t......well...We’ll unpack that someother time.

Masky

Again, Show him kindness, But its still a little different from Toby. If you fully understand what he’s done, the person he is. But still think he deserves kindness. He thinks you’re naive. Yeah, He starts off thinking your fucking stupid. Starting.

But as it goes on, and you continue to show him kindness. Even when you know what he’s done, He starts to warm up to your kindness. But if you witness him cold blooded murdering someone. He’s ready for you to leave. But if you dont. You still treat him kindly. He wants to save this nativity. Being naive in this world is a death wish. So he’ll barely let you leave the house. And he’s always with you. Unlike EJ. He will murder anyone who fucks with you. And leave no evidence behind. As far as anyones concerned they’ve dissapeared from the earth.

Once again if you love this man. You have to put up with this. No negotiations. He loves you and thats how he shows it. But if you do put up with it. And show this man all the love. Maybe it will be alright.

But like EJ, Never try and leave him, Unlike some creeps he will hurt his S/O physically, but then will cry into their arms begging them to forgive him. Or a different punishment might go an NSFW way if you know what I mean.....

Hoodie

Again, Complicated. His obsession probably comes very quickly. Someone whose creative like him, Who questions the bigger things in life. Someone he could have a intelligent conversation with.

He’s a stalker. He watches his S/O all day. Nothing they do could bore him. But he gets jealous very easy. Why else do you think the cute person in the library that gave you their number hasn’t come back? Or hasn’t texted you?

He’s probably take a while to show himself to his S/O. And once he finally gets the courage. He’ll send them a letter. You two’ll become penpals. He’s kept every single one of your letters and keeps them in a folder.

He does have trouble showing his emotions though, Showing his S/O He loves them would be returning letters, Giving them small trinkets (like a magpie) and not murdering them.

Prefurs not to hurt his S/O, If they try to run away he’ll just psychologically torture them. Following them and disappearing when the call the police. Making them think they’re the only one who can see him. Anyone who they care about disappears. But this only happends if you run away and don’t love him back.

So love him and you’ll be good....you’ll just have to deal with Possessiveness, Paranoia, Obssession, and Jealousy.

Jane The Killer

With most of the creeps. Be kind to her, But not just her. If your a generally kind person who shows others respect but refuses to to bow down to bullies. Shes in love

Shes quite quick to talk to her S/O, She’ll ask for they’re number, and because of how normal she looks (And how pretty she is) you say yes.

Late night texts about random things, if you rant to her about your interests she could listen all day.

(To quote The Killers) Jealousy

Its her life quest to keep creepers who remind her of Jeff away from you, Speaking of Jeff is he ever went near you shes starting a riot.

She loves cuddles, intamacy is a must. She needs you to stay near her. Once again won’t hurt her S/O but if they try to run away they’re getting locked in a room alone untill they’re begging for her to come back so they can hear someone’s voice that isnt their own and touch them. She’s not above depriving her S/O of intimacy should the moment call for it.

Possessive. You need her and only her. Everyone else doesnt matter. Show her love and no one else.

Jeff The Killer

He’s most likely to become obsessed with someone whose nice to people. But will fight a bitch. If your sassy and don’t take shit he’s in love. But remember hes a twisted psychopath who murdered his family and his neighbours. His love isnt what you’d call socially acceptable. He’d kill for you in a flash. Anyone, people you love or hate. They’re dissapearing.

Unlike the others, he won’t show himself to you quickly BUT he will not hide his love. Scribbled love notes written in blood. Dead animals on your porch. He’s kinda like a dog.

He will hurt his S/O if they don’t love him, Mentally or Physically he doesnt mind, He see’s it as a necessary step.

He needs physically affection.

Isnt a soft relationship to be honest. Cuddles and kisses yes. But no soft words. Just sass, violent outbursts, Hate sex, Angry sex, Makeup sex. Yeah lots of sex.

He’s a horndog what can I say?

But maybe, just mayyybeee once In a blue moon, you’ll be cuddling and he’ll think your asleep, and whisper he loves you in his ear. Pretend your asleep though.

Laughing Jack

He needs someone he can laugh with, Someone with a sort of wonder to them. He likes those type of people.

Since he’s a childs imaginary friend(?) He doesn’t really understand love, But obsession? Yes.

He’s not gonna show himself to his S/O for ages. I mean, Hes like a seven foot tall clown. Total boyfriend material.

He’ll leave candy on your doorstep, Or cute little trinkets, Like music boxes.

Gives the best hugs honestly. He’ll lift you right up off the ground and spin you around. Honestly he carries you everywhere like a princess.

CARNIVIAL DATES.

Anyone, literally anyone makes you feel sad or makes the wonder in your eyes leave. They’re loved ones are getting turned into candy, then they’re forced to eat them. Then they get murdered gruesomely. He’s all you need and he’ll protect you.

He loves to slow dance with you. He’ll play some old classical music.

(I headcanon he has a British accent)

He’ll cut you off from all your friends, or make them disappear, He’s all you need.

Homicidial Liu/Sully

(Its so hard to find good gifs for these boys)

This boy needs a hug, Him and Sully.

Stalkers. They need affection. They’ll follow they’re S/O wherever they go. No mater what they do.

They’re S/O has a partner? Not for much longer.

Liu gives cute gifs and notes like Flowers, or shiny trinkets, Sully gives weirder stuff, Like random stones or shiny things. And his notes are scrubbed much more.

Nickname them Magpie they’ll love it.

While Liu is defiantly the more sweeter one, He’ll never hurt his S/O, but he will score them if he must. Sully on the other hand, all for scaring them. Despite what others think he loves them, and he doesn’t want to hurt them to much because he wants them to be his. And they can’t be his if they’re dead.

You know all the jealousy I said Jeff had? Imagine that but doubled.

Thats your realtionship. While Liu will be more defensive if someone’s hurting or flirting with you. Sully aggressive. Back away from whats his.

[theskywaslookingback]

Thinking visible world thoughts about what Gerry and Jon would have been like as teens. Gerry the child trying to be what his mother wants and then rebelling, hating her for always trying to take more than he can give. Angry at a world that denied him the knowing of his father, the love of a family that wasn’t THIS. Tired of being told “you look just like your mother”. He dyes his hair with shit box dye from the corner store and pretends not to hear his mother screaming at him. He repairs holes in his jeans with patches born more from practicality than fashion and ignores the jeers at school.

Jon’s always been more polished, pressed shirts and slacks because his grandmother had always done his laundry. When she finally hands the task over to him, Jon uses it as an excuse to raid Gerry’s closet. Tee shirts of bands he’d never listened to outside of Gerry’s bedroom, old jeans too small to fit Gerry anymore, a zip up hoodie with elbow patches and holes around the ends of the sleeves. It’s a breath of fresh air the first time he wears a shirt he doesn’t have to button up to the neck. Gerry takes him thrift shopping and he goes home with his arms laden down with bags of old worn jumpers and soft joggers. Jon’s grandmother makes a face and says Gerry’s a bad influence, making him dress down like that, and that just makes Jon dig his heels in further.

Gerry helps Jon try make up for the first time, and eventually it devolves into giggling and drawing on each other’s face with eyeliner pens. It takes forever to scrub off and Jon cokes home pink cheeked and grinning so hard his grandmother thinks he’s drunk.

They find their way to the beach after school, clambering over rocks with Jon making disgusted noises and Gerry’s laughter ringing over the sound of waves. Gerry takes a tumble and sprains his ankle, his mother doesn’t even notice. Gerry has a light hand, deft at lifting money from the pockets of businessmen that he runs into on the street and bottles of shitty vodka from the liquor store. Jon pretends he doesn’t approve, chides Gerry even, but never turns down the bottle when offered. They get drunk at night on the beach or in Gerry’s bedroom or once, very bravely, in Jon’s back yard.

The first time Gerry leans in to kiss Jon theyre both intoxicated, heads swimming with crappy alcohol and summer heat. Jon panics and shoves Gerry away, stammering that he can’t- that they shouldn’t- Gerry it’ll ruin everything. Gerry tries to wave it off, apologize, says he’s just drunk Jon don’t worry about it just forget it. And then Jon’s crying because he’s always been a weepy drunk and he says he’s sorry he pushed him, he likes Gerry but he doesn’t think he’d like that. Terrified because he’s a teenager and he’s been told for years he supposed to have these urges that he just doesnt, told that he’s supposed to want to kiss girls and he’s already come to terms that he likes girls and he likes boys but he doesn’t want to kiss them, or or anything else and he’s worried something might be wrong but he doesn’t even know how to search for that, medically speaking and- Gerry just folds him into his arms, like he has for years and years and tells him it’s okay, that they’re okay. And they are for a while.

Jon dyes Gerry’s hair in the sink at his grandmothers house and gets it everywhere, the final straw of many as she bans Gerry from stepping foot in her house ever again. It’s hard. They spend time together before and after school, but Gerry has work and Jon has to study and Gerry’s mom has gotten increasingly more difficult so they can’t go there. Jon goes weeks without seeing Gerry outside of school and feels sick with it.

The second time Gerry leans in to kiss Jon is after a month of this, when they finally get a Saturday afternoon to be together. They’re sober this time, and Gerry asks. Jon’s face screws up like he’s about to say no but Gerry shakes his head and says, not on the lips, can I kiss your cheek. So Jon says yes, and then he keeps saying yes, and then Gerry is very lightly peppering his face with kisses while Jon tangles a hand in his hair. When Gerry presses their foreheads together Jon thinks he might even cry.

Gerry takes Jon to concerts every night that he can, things he knows Jon will hate just to see him bitch and roll his eyes, and things he knows he’ll love. Jon’s grandmother gives him an earful every time they stay out too late and Jon finally snaps and says Gerry cares about him more than she ever did. It’s mean, and it makes his grandmother go very still. She gives him a ten o clock curfew and says she’ll call the police if he’s not home by then. It’s the only time Jon ever slams a door in his grandmother’s face.

When Gerry’s mom dies it’s sudden and it’s devastating. One day Gerry is in school, telling Jon they’ll meet up after he gets off work on Sunday and then next he’s using the landline in a coffee shop to tell him that his mother’s dead. Three days later and they’re both in all black, two of only five people attending the funeral of Mary Keay. Gerry doesn’t cry, but stands there with hands clenched and stone faced. He looks just like his mother. He doesn’t let Jon hold him, doesn’t let him cup his face or hold his hand. He leaves Bournemouth afterward and doesn’t even tell Jon where he’s going. Jon’s sure he’s grieving, even if he’d hated her there at the end, and he’s sure Gerry will come back to him. And then the weeks pass, and the months. Jon’s grandmother changes the number to the landline and Jon gets his first cellphone. He gets his acceptance to Oxford and tries to bury Gerry Keay with the rest of his childhood things. It never stops hurting.

[hanmine]

NO BC YK WHAT I GOT SUSPENDED BC SHE DECIDED TO GO CRY ABOUT IT TO THE FUCKING PRINCIPAL A FEW DAYS LATER WHEN SHE WAS THE PROBLEM IN THE FIRST PLACE

It was so funny when the police officer held me back bc it was early in the morning when it happened & when I finally got sent back to class I walked into my 3rd period and everyone started clapping cause everyone hated her and the fact that she was gonna get her shit rocked was amusing ig

one time a girl in the bathroom shoved me out of the way mid washing my hands bc the sinks were all occupied. i paused looked at her and was like imma give u 2 seconds to move and say sorry and she pretended she didnt hear me so i shoved her face into the mirror above the sink

she didnt rly have much happen besides her lip bleeding lightly bc she bit it and then she looked at me and i was like if u try anything else with or tell ap's me my dads a lawyer ill see u in court im not scared

my dad is very much not a lawyer LMAO hes in business but she doesnt have to know that she seemed to believe me. thats like the one and only "fight" i been in but she was so stunned i went back to washing my hands LMAO