#and THEN one of them is like: well i dont want to go if we cant sit together

[3liza]

i mean the truth is that we do not need and should not have all this stupid plastic clutter in or houses. no one should be producing or selling this shit. everyone make your own merchandise and charge a living hourly wage to sell it 🤷 sorry to be so simplistic about this but it's one of the results of the lack of class unity specifically in the means of production-owning creative class, who is not mentioned or dealt with by the core Marxist texts as far as I know (i asked about this earlier on here, did marx ever address in his analysis people like, for example, a professional photographer who owns a camera ans prints his own dagguereotypes? or a portrait painter or idk, independent milliner or seamstress? these people all own the means of production and do not employ anyone, and the answer from better educated people than I was that no, Marx didn't mention them), I'm not well read on this at all, there is just a big void where leftist analysis of what modern economists call "the creative class"

I'm getting off topic. my point is make your own keychains in your kitchen. it's actually not hard. you can even mass produce (on a small scale) little plastic crap if you want, with resin and a UV lamp, or a 3d printer, or a laser cutter and acrylic sheets (or just use balsa wood damn, at least its biodegradable and less tacky).

all this stuff is available to little creators AND there are hundreds of people who already own these machines who will take work for you and produce your designs. you just have to actually find them and know them and email them. that's what I mean about the class unity issue with creatives. we have no large scale union, we have no large scale class consciousness, and we're all sending our orders for little plastic crap to sweatshops instead of emailing a guy with a laser cutter in his garage and saying "hey Keith can I get uhhhhhhhhhhh 50 laser cut keychains of this twerking Diggler design I made, like how much would that cost" and he's like sure here's the work and materials cost and tbh it's always always less than i think it's going to be. you just have to do some basic arithmetic and then order shipping, and I hate order fulfillment with my life but you can actually pay or barter with someone to do that for you too. learn to delegate and then factor that into your unit cost. this is basic shit every commercial creator needs to know. they should teach you this in art school but they dont

don't give me crap about "I can't afford a laser cutter" either because I just told you to email Keith. and all these machines get sold secondhand when a manufacturer or hobbyist needs to upgrade. i got a color laser printer perfect for making zines and wheatpastes and shipping labels from a retired lesbian on capital hill for $75 and it was still full of ink. my friend gave me her 20 year old canon dslr because she just didn't need it and didn't want to bother selling it. it works fine because I spent the time finding the right drivers and shit for my computer. and card readers exist. Craigslist. Facebook marketplace. nextdoor sales section. eBay. everyone always forgets eBay. eBay lets you save searches and will email you when it finds a guy selling his vinyl plotter in your city with local pickup. I'm serious

[bubbbii]

A Mess

title : A Mess

pairing : Jungkook x Reader

genre : kpop smut, enemies to lovers, jungkook smut, bts smut, 21+ content

warning : doggystyle, hair - pulling, name calling, spitting, choking, spanking, over-stimulation, edging, pain-kink, very dirty content

Summary : two exes that reunite ? that can’t be bad. Besides, they hate each other nothings gonna happen .. or is it??

[REQUESTED]

[I’ll try to become consistent now .. i apologize for the hiatus 🫶🏼🫶🏼]

!PURELY FICTION! !NOT REAL!

please do not steal idea or story without permission please and thank you :)

Legoo

________________________________________________

“Y/N !! Welcome in you’re just in time!” “You lucky i came here early enough” Me and Hobi laughed as he grabbed my coat and belongings to set them on the hangers. “You didn’t tell me who’s all gonna be here” “Oh that reminds me, i’m pretty sure you dont wanna see -“ “Y/N!!” Jennie jumped up and hugged me as i hugged her back with the same level of comfort. “Heyy guys!! Look everyone’s all here it’s a full house looks like i’m late” I said as Jennie stood to my side still having her arm wrapped around me as i did the same.

“We’re just getting started we have a handful of snacks movies and all this weekend is PLANNED to the max!” I smiled as everyone laughed at Yoongi’s enthusiasm. I raised an eyebrow, feeling a familiar presence as my body felt tense. “What’s wrong?” “I don’t feel right … why do i feel odd?” i whispered back to Jennie as my body became even more tense. “Oh no .. it’s one of them feelings where that uncomfortable sits it’s you?” i nodded, looking around. “it’s getting stronger” “Okkk i hope y/n’s here because i am ready to get this party started-“ me and Jennie looked at the same time and saw Namjoon holding a bowl of popcorn ,

And Jungkook, holding banana milk.

My breath hitched , seeing him as i quickly looked away. “Found it” I whispered, Jennie looking back at me as she figured it out. “Is it too late to say i have plans?” “Oh it’s long overdue” Joon replied as he bear hugged me. “You didn’t tell me that he was here!” “Thats what i was trying to tell you!! Don’t let him, ruin what we have going on tonight ok? Do it for me!” I rolled my eyes as the three of them did puppy eyes at me. “Ok ok fine fine, but i’m sleeping in MY room whoever claimed my room gon get the hell up outta there” “Deal” Hobi responded as i sighed and Jennie dragged me to a spot next to her. Which was also next to Jungkook.

Why’d it had to be next to him.

“Hello Y/N” i sighed , not having no choice but to say something back. “Hey, jungkook” i responded, sighing as tears wanted to form in my eyes. But i didn’t let myself slip, knowing that that’s all he wanted. “You doin ok?” i nodded, smiling at the soft looking Taehyung. “Yes i’m ok, thank you” taehyung smiled softly as i felt a glaze on my head. A very jealous, hard glaze that i choose not to participate in. I know that stare all too well.

Trust me.

“Wait before we start we forgot our drinks!” Me, Jennie, Joon, and of course Jungkook got up to go get drinks from the kitchen. “Hand me a water please” “I’m giving you soda” i replied to Jimin, fake smiling at him before i went to the kitchen before he could say anything else. We all grabbed something giving it to each other as i looked in the fridge for Jimin’s soda. “So.. how’ve you been?” I recognized the voice as i sighed, turning around with the drink in my hand and looked into his eyes. “I-i’ve been good, been healthy … what about you?” “I’ve been well thank you. You look .. very healthy, you look good” I smiled softly, looking down at the marble counter.

“Thank you i .. i appreciate it. You as well” I said softly, seeing his shy smile appear on his face. “Thank you, angel” i gulped, tears wanting to form as i recognized the nickname. “Y-You’re welcome, kookie” i looked into his eyes, seeing hidden guilt as our eye contact gained stronger. So strong, that i didn’t realize we were inches away from each other. “Look .. no , awkward feelings between us? No bad blood right?” I sighed shakily, looking away as i thought about what he said.

He always knows when something’s off, that’s what special about him. And he really think i can sit here and pretend we didn’t go thru ALL of that? No.

“Y-Yea .. no bad blood” Jungkook obviously knew that wasn’t the case. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing! Nothing uh .. let’s go they’re waiting for us” “Y/N” he stopped me and my movements, making me sigh as i looked into his eyes. “Is there something you not telling me?” “W-Why does it matter !? We’re done right !? No bad blood Jungkook” I bursted out, sighing as i realize what i said before going back into the living room, leaving him there. “What happened?” “He wanted not awkward feelings between us, i can’t just do that after everything we’ve been through” i answered Jimin as he sat in between my legs on the ground.

“You know he isn’t over you” “He’s definitely over me, you can’t sit here and pretend that - all of our shit just got thrown away! I can’t do that. And you know it” I said , sighing for the 4th time. “You never know, don’t sit here and give up on you two like this” “I gave up when he broke up with me 2 years ago” I bitterly said, dunking down my water as anger rose in me.

2 years … of hell.

Author POV

That night was just fun and laughter, watching a total of 5 movies and playing different games around the house. It was now 1 am and the group was sitting in a circle. “Alright, truth or dare yall ready?” We all nodded as Hoseok spin the bottle. “Alright Jin, truth or dare” “Truth” “Is it true you and Joon had sex last night?” the group shocked, laughing as Jin and Joon’s eyes widened in shock as their cheeks turned red. “U-Uh … next question” The group laughed out loud as he spin the bottle. It landed on Jungkook. “Kook, truth or dare” “Dare” “I dare you … to bite Hobi’s shoulder” “UMM EXCUSE ME-“ Jungkook didn’t hesitste to bite Hobi’s shoulder making the 26 year old streak out loud.

“H-HEY!!” The group laughed along with Jungkook as Hoseok pushed him playfully. “Alright, gon head and spin” Jungkook spun the bottle and it landed on no other than Y/N. Y/N’s breath hitched as his eyes locked with Kook’s who was already looking at her. “Y/N, truth or dare” She gulped, not evening thinking about picking dare. “Truth” “You still love me?” Y/N’d pupils disappeared as she stared at Jungkook with shock as everyone looked at her in shock.

The group was waiting for her answer, Y/N not having nothing to say. “I-I … excuse me” Y/N excused herself, getting up quickly with Jimin and Jennie following after her. Joon and Jin looked at Jungkook as his expression was emotionless. Jungkook knew what he was doing, he was just looking for the right moment.

“Y/N?” she turned around with red eyes as she faced Jennie and Jimin. “U-Uh .. i think i should call it a night” “Nooo !! We were sleeping over! You can’t let this override you” “I told you” Y/N whispered to Jimin as she walked away from the two. But Jungkook heard and saw everything. “Kook-“ “I got it” He said, looking at Jennie as he went after Y/N.

He went into her room in the house, seeing her grabbing her belongings. “I did that on purpose” She looked and locked eyes with the hurt looking boy. “Jungkook i don’t want to talk” “Yes you do” She sighed, knowing deep down she did. “Ok, ok - fine! You want the truth!?” Y/N yelled, going to him and stopped when they were inches. “Yes! Of course IM STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU! You didn’t think i wouldn’t after everything we’ve been through !? You broke up with ME! ME JUNGKOOK! I am HURT , i am in DISBELIEF, and i don’t want nothing to do with this conversation. You got your fair share”

Y/N turned to leave but Jungkook pulled her by the arm and smashed his lips onto hers. She didn’t dare to fight back knowing he was stronger than her. She wrapped her arms around his neck as the kiss got heated. They felt every emotion between the two as he picked her up, closing the door with his foot as he led them to the bed and set her down gently. “T-The others-“ “I don’t care” Jungkook spat, going into her neck sucking on all her sweet spots as Y/N moaned softly at the pleasure she was feeling.

Jungkook did what he could, love hearing Y/N moan for him as he felt the tugs in his hair by her fingers. “M-More … kook” “I know, i missed you” He kissed her once again, taking off her clothes and his as well with ease as he touched every single part of her body. His fingers made it to his well to her soaking hood, sticking his fingers inside ever so easily having Y/N roll her head back and her back to arch as the pleasure rode over her.

“Fuck! Daddy” “Yea there you go moan for me” He scissored her as her moans began to become louder at the pleasuer. She’s missed this, having jungkook all over her having him take control over her. Over her body like this. She did anything. “Fuck! Yess daddy yes, just like that” “You like that? My baby likes that huh? Deep in that pussy like that” Y/N moaned louder at the dirty whispers in her ear. “M-More, i want more!” Jungkook went down and started to suck her out like his last meal on earth.

Jungkook dreamed of this after the first week they broke up. It was devastating to him, and he wanted her to know that she was still his. Even after everything that happened between him. Wanted to make her feel as much good as he could possible.

“Just like that, fuck - daddy right there right there right there- FUCK!” “It’s ok angel, stand still” He pressed her hips down, his tongue going deeper as his thumbs smoothed over her hips bones making her go crazy. “I’m close … daddy i wanna cum” “Cum for me princess, you can do it i know you can. You can cum for daddy” Y/N’s moans turned into choked - out whines and soon came on his face, Jungkook pleased as he sucked up every drop as he calmed her down.

“That’s my good girl, there she go” Y/N moaned softly at the praise as he got up and kissed her once again as he turned her around. “You ready?” Jungkook asked softly, kissing her back as Y/N nodded. “Y-Yes, yes i’m ready” Jungkook wasted no time, sticking it inside as Jungkook huffed at the tightness that welcomed him inside. “O-Ok … take it slow it’s been a minute” “I don’t wanna hear that shit” Jungkook grabbed her hips, fucking her vigorously as Y/N grabbed onto the sheets below her and screamed inside the pillow.

“Don’t fucking hide from me” He took the pillow and threw it on the ground making Y/N’s moans visible to him. “Fuuuuck it feels so good, it feels so fucking good!” “That pussy missed me huh, it missed me didn’t she. I know she missed that cock yea? You missed me fucking your like this?” “Yesss yes i missed you daddy, i missed you daddy fuck!” Jungkook felt pleased hearing that Y/N felt the same way, showing no mercy as his dick went deeper inside of her.

The night went on, Jungkook taking all the time he could possible as they fucked till their limits. Now in missionary as he pounded his dick deep inside her. Jungkook’s hand slithered to her half - way bruised neck as he held it. “Y-You’re not going nowhere, just remember that. You’re here and you’re h-here to stay. You understand?” “N-Nowhere, nowhere daddy” “Good girl, come on” he went faster, his hips grabbing energy as Y/N moaned her way to her orgasm. “I-I’m gonna cum! I’m gonna cum daddy please!” “Cum angel, you got it that’s my good girl. That’s my good girl” Y/N got motivated, squirting all over his dick as Jungkook came soon after.

They both reached their high, breathing heavily at the sexual night they had as Jungkook grabbed strength to sit himself up and clean themselves. He cleaned her throughly, putting her in a shirt as he got into sum sweats and he went back to her, setting his muscular body on her.

“Don’t go anywhere, please. I’m sorry i - i didn’t know what i was thinking i really do apologize-“ Y/N kissed him, interrupting his sentence as Jungkook returned it. “I forgive you, i’m not going anywhere” Y/N whispered. “Besides … who else could put up with you and your bullshit?” The two laughed, kissing each other again sweetly as they held on tightly.

Jungkook didn’t let her go. And Y/N didn’t either.

Just a mess.

[cerealmonster15]

[vibrating a little too fast] Do You Understand My Vision Yet

[specific-dreamer]

“because you’re our little brother and we love you… did you hear what i just said? i said i love you”

whatever you do don’t think about how before everything ponyboy would have been ecstatic to hear that.

don’t think about how ponyboy tried to convince himself that since darry didn’t love him, he in turn didn’t care about him but he failed everytime.

don’t think about how ponyboy stayed up some nights asking soda how come darry changed and why he didn’t like pony no more. and soda doing his best to convince pony that darry does still love he’s just tired all the time and he’s still having trouble adjusting to their new dynamic too but pony just doesn’t get it.

don’t think about how if darry just said i love you a little more often they wouldn’t have been in this mess. if he said it a little more than maybe he and ponyboy wouldn’t have gotten in so many arguments and soda wouldn’t have to have been caught playing middle man

definitely don’t think about how upsetting it must’ve been for darry to finally bare his soul and tell pony he loves him only to be met with silence in return.

dont think about how he darry might’ve thought that a simple i love you is what would’ve brought them back to normal, because he didn’t realise just how bad their relationship got to the point of him needing that olive branch later.

except (and definitely don’t think about this part) ponyboy knows atp that his brothers love him. but he still thinks they love him but don’t really accept all of him. because up til this point his friends hated darry for nearly going soc, so to a kid his age the message he got was “we don’t want all of you; we just want the part of you that’s a greaser”. so when darry asks to read his story, when darry extends that branch, he asking to understand/get to know all of ponyboy. something nobody else did except for johnny (and maybe cherry for that one night).

sure soda asked to, but when pony said he wasn’t too sure about reading it too them, soda was seemed as if he was going to let the conversation drop. he was going to let pony keep hiding so to speak. but darry wasn’t. well he might’ve if only to keep the peace, but darry asking to read the story himself shows that he’s willing to think things through rather than instantly being worried/shouting at ponyboy in the future. it shoes that he’s trying to put himself in ponyboy’s shoes to he can figure out where his head is at (something that darry previously made fun of)

[luv-beam]

i am so fucking upset I AM SO FUCKING UPSET . i cannot convey how absolutely devastated i am like im sitting here in the dark unable to fully convey KANFKDNFKFJFJFNFN AHHHSHFJRJGKKGKGKFKFKFKFKGKFK

okok im sorry i do have some things to say as general statements abt my experience and ur skills before we get into some of the nitty gritty 😭 but first off, moni, i am ashamed to say i somehow missed that u dedicated this to me. i am so so sorry for not seeing it for some awful reason, but pls know that i am so honored—like beyond honored and appreciative. u r crazy good at ur craft and i am so happy ur posting ur fiction for us to read :'))

also, i def mentioned it in my notes below, but i loooove the film quality of your writing. like the i could see the color shifts. OH MY GOD I ALSO DIDNT TALK ABT THE RELATION OF WINTER TO THE SENEFNKRNFJT TO THE END IM UPSET AGAIN i literally cannot. u have a talent for coaxing me to hand over my heart and then watching u squeeze it :')))) im upset :')))) ur really too good and i... im biting my knuckles and struggling to type bc i wanna cry

thank u for this. i know u say this fic is something ur most proud of, and that is incredibly well merited. like oh my god. i can't right now i kind of just want to cry

also, before i put my notes below, i wanted to include the songs i listened to during this and i think i def picked an appropriate playlist skfnekfn: they see me dream (tbz), future me (hailey knox), dream launch (wayv), wings (tbz), smiling thru. (slchld), square one (tbz), someday faraway (labit), empty box (atz), same dream, same mind, same night (svt), 111 (thuy), the race (chris james), heaven - acoustic (onerepublic), raise y_our glass (huh yunjin)

omg i do have to comment on the presence of two of my like,, "older brother" figure idols uji and namjoon ekfnkrnf i always imagine them in that kind of way so the vibe just feels all the more warm haha (despite the hazy sleep-deprived solidarity going on dkgnjrnf)

WAIT.... THE CONVENIENCE STORE FROM THE TEASER... OH NO.

IT RESEMBLES UR BED AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK BUT IT DOESNT LIVE UP TO HIM?? im devastated in two sentences

the picking your fingers until blood spills is such a great humanizing detail

still, the lilacs have yet to bloom.

omg im such a sucker for flower symbolism,, this feels like a low-key reference to feelings between u and changmin? OH I SEE THEY DINT EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER YET SKFNDKFN THIS CHANGES THINGS

PLS THE "im sure they wouldn't mind working w u" ASSIGNED PAIRINGS IS SOOOOOO im getting ptsd from middle school 😭😭 that feeling of everyone knowing someone and ur just kind of alone, knowing no one will likely come to u themselves,,, but changmin... tsk tsk i have a feeling abt you....... IM ONTO U SIR

you look back at changmin; he’s still looking at you. ; (you’re still thinking about the dips in his cheeks.)

IM ONTO U JI CHANGMIN (also so real tho... his dimples are like... meant to be the centerpiece of an art gallery)

KUMON. (i mercifully never had to face that, but maybe that's why i fkn suck at math today 💀)

oh no....

i swear this is related, but im listening to wayv's dream launch and reading this part in particular w the song is so... i feel so emo rn like its okay yn-bear... you'll be okay i swear, i know it sucks now but one day ur dreams will come true even if its hard to detach ourselves from our parents' expectations and influences

also the imagery here is so visceral and vivid... like i can see it in my mind, the way you're so used to the feeling, but u still shake them off anyway bc u dont want them to linger; u can't breathe w them there, so /present/

don’t you think that some of the stories that we read hold fragments of someone?

i love this line and totally agree w this

also wanted to add that changmin trying to coax this info out of them is so :(( i love him

AWH WAIT PAPERCUT ART AND FORMING IMAGES OUT OF THEM SUCH A COOL IDEA its like the deletion(?) poetry where u take a piece of text and blot out all words except for certain ones to form poetry?

the idol comment,,, the fourth wall is shaking

OMG THE PIC???? SO GOOD WHAT I LOVE THIS AND AS A VISUAL AID/SUPPLEMENT TOO?? omg and ending this section w the single lilac having bloomed TT ugh i love callbacks to symbols

your tastebuds long for cheongju.

baaaaaanger line

jongseobs characterization >>> I LOOOVE IMPISH YOUNGER SIBLING CODED CHARACTERS

still, you stand in the middle of the mart and your heart longs for home.

and this one too ^ i feel this. the exhaustion and yearning that settles in your bones until ur convinced emotion really does carry tangible weight i love longing-for-homeisms

you and changmin were once painted with the hues of the sun. this reunion is tainted with blue.

I CHOKED. also i would like to comment on the delicious pacing of this past scene from when u realize who's standing right next to u and how the world seems to rush back toward the present from the past and ur frantic and slapping money into jongseobs palms and then—"yn?"—world stop. IIIIINHALES .. SCREAMS SO GOOD

love the blue stain over my view btw

idk how to feel abt the grape flavor being yns favorite 🧍🏻‍♀️ u do u tho

THIS???????? THIS!!!!!!! what did u deserve to know just feels so right in this situation,, when you've fallen out of touch who used to be ur world—when u r no longer their world or in their world, how much should you reveal? do they still care? where is the line drawn now?

if you miss home, why is your first instinct to run away from it?

im tearing at the walls. i am unfortunately devastated by this question. home is such a... its a complicated thing for so many people.

the black limbs slowly ate away at your heart; the void was born.

THEYRE BACK but now, instead of simply curling arounf ur heart, they're digging their nails into it and ripping chunks of it away

the lingering feelings of envy and resentment of changmins home life versus yns is so... like i think it adds such an important layer of nuance to their relationship

because you still wanted more for him than you did for yourself.

OH MY GOD

oh my god

AND THE DISTANCE FEELS GREATER NOW.. oh my god... the silence and the negative space r so loud... oh my god.....

the contrast to the next segment in summer is so staggering dkgndjnfnf also congrats to them for levelling up in friendship to calling each other fuckers!! LMFAO i adore their little back n forth here haha their arguing over the phone, to arguing over popsicle flavors

LOVEBIRDS SKCNDKFNKFNXKDKKDKD

astrophysics is cool when someone on yt is explaining it in layman's terms or ur in the space.com website, but not when ur looking at all those nightmarish equations... *shudders violently*

from that day on, you’ve learned to keep his name out of conversations. you’ll enjoy what you have with changmin, even if it has to be kept under the wraps.

in a way, this is like a form of protection, not only protecting ur own freedom and agency but akso protecting the person who has wormed his way into ur life and is determined to stay,, someone who seems to be the one good thing happening to u at that moment

im so... i wish i could sit yn down and give them a hug and a pep talk. they do know how to persevere. they're literally pushing thru right now

FINGER TRAP FINGER TRAP TITLE MENTIONED THIS IS NOT A DRILL

omg THE PROFILES SJCBDJFN THEYRE GONNA BE INTERVIEWING OUR BOYZ DJFBKDNCKDNF i am Howling at the moon

THIS??? IS FUCKING EVERYTHING???????? the different colors of cheongju seep thru gaaaaaaawd the careful wall you've built to rpetend ur past is behind u has now returned to remind u that it does, in fact, still exist. it will not hesitate to break ur bubble of present reality

i have a violent urge to throttle a couple who are poor excuses for parents

also just bringing in the murky waters rising and drowning u and filling ur lungs is just as compelling and visceral through this section. like u described it perfectly well, how when ur starting to lose oxygen, your chest burns and its slow but throbbing

are you nothing but an array of achievements and failures?

aren't we all though? :(

NOW UR HOME IS CHANGMIN.

i love just imagining ur writing like a movie, like this part in particular u can just kind of envision these things flicking across the screen chuchuchuchu—back to the present. finger traps.... clinging onto those fragments of the past... when u try to rip your fingers out of a finger trap, it grips onto u tighter; a slow withdrawal is the only way to escape... oh god

WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE ONE OF DESTINY x2 I SEE U MONI I SEE YOU.

HE WAS THE ONE OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM IM GONNA GNAW MY FINGERS OFF

im very slow today but the incorporation of all four szns into the sections of this fic is like mwah MWAHMWAHMWAH and hE CANT WAIT TO SHARE THIS SZN W U?? IM YELLING??? ugh i think im too single.

dude my heart dropped into my ass . what r these fuckass parents doing

WHAT NINONOENFOFNFJFJ NO WHAT MONI STOP NO U CANT JUST LET THE CAR GO NO HE'S RIGHT THERE NO NONONOSNFJDNFJFJ im having a crisis no WHAT

. oh my god

Oh my god that hurts. Oh my god i cant im so

im

oh im so upset they never got closure they never got to say goodbye ur right the only way to get out of a finger trap is thru a slow withdrawal—unless the connections is severed so forcefully, it just breaks .

oh my god

i dont wanna read this interview im so upset

im so fucking upset.

finger trapped (ripped to its seams) ➵ ji changmin

ji changmin x reader

with an unexpected reunion, you and changmin relive the memories of cheongju—and confront what could’ve been between you two.

general genre/warnings ➵ friends to almost lovers, angst, fluff, gender neutral reader, some depressive and insecure thoughts, hurt/comfort, the last five years story-telling method (aka present will be told going backwards while past will be told moving forward... i hope that makes sense), brief mention of blood from picking on your skin, tiger parents so... parental issues, unexpected reunion, keeping secrets & lying, jealousy remains but love triumphs, journalist reader (u kno i had to do it), reader is a nerd and changmin is a student-athlete, kms jokes from jongseob (all /lh), finger traps aren’t efficient after all

word count ➵ 15.7k words

playlist ➵ end of beginning by djo // high school in jakarta by niki // i know it won't work by gracie abrams // no big deal (i love you) by dodie // keeping tabs by niki // no one knows by stephen sanchez & laufey // so what now by reneé rapp // i wish i hated you by ariana grande // the 1 by taylor swift // seasons by wave to earth

a/n ➵ it's finally out! this is my submission for @deoboyznet's the love letter collective event! this work is so so personal to me on so many levels so i hope you all love and treat this fic with care :')) for the bitches who struggle with parents and dreams.... this one's for you (i am in the same boat) i appreciate everyone who's been so patient and looking forward to this fic's release. i'd like to thank @hcuyk for being a betareader for this fic! i also want to dedicate this one to @sungbeam and @wavesmp3 <3 your works inspire me so much and i think this fic is a product of how much they've influence me. hanbin's version is now available! please don't forget to reblog and leave feedback!!

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

present -> three weeks after the interview, 2024

the newsroom never sleeps. the rings of landlines and clacks of keyboards bounce off the four walls. through light bulbs or sunshine, light continues to remain. and at every corner, a journalist stands—ready to enter the depths of slumber but remain on their toes as they await for an update on their unraveling story.

but the newsroom is rarely busy unless there’s a major nationwide event, election season or the super bowl to name a few, for most journalists are out to discover what the world has to offer.

knowledge doesn’t only come from the chitchat of your coworkers. it’s only on the field that you’ll hear of hearsay and testimonies. after all, the choice to probe rests on your shoulders.

“there’s a typo over there.”

“huh? where?”

“over here,” you mumble as your finger darts to point at a section on the screen. “it’s supposed to say “in their climactic performance on road to kingdom,” not climatic.”

“ah, i see it now. sorry about that,” lee jihoon of digital development says as he corrects the error. his hair is disheveled from the hood that once perched on his head during the night he spent in the newsroom. you would’ve scolded the guy—go home and take a shower before you stink up the place—but you are no better, grouped with the other journalists who stayed up in the office.

“there we go. should be all good. now, are you ready to go through the profiles?”

an exhausted chuckle departs from your lips. “yeah, let’s go—”

“what’s the update?” life and arts editor kim namjoon—your editor—comes to you with a smile.

the grey hoodie he wears paired with comfortable jeans shows that he’s a little relaxed. for once, you don’t see him on his phone, battling the deadlines or getting pitched stories by the other editors. it’s a nice sight but one that won’t last for long.  

“we just finished going through the article about the group, so we still have yet to go through the profiles.” jihoon then looks at you. “i can’t believe you basically wrote 12 articles. like, 11 profiles and one main article is a lot. you didn’t want to work on it with anyone else?”

once namjoon stands beside you, you bump your shoulder against his figure. “i didn’t have a choice, did i?” it’s a rhetorical question but one your editor still chooses to answer.

“unfortunately, we’re understaffed, but it seemed like you got the hang of it. i wouldn’t have trusted anyone else to do it.” namjoon shoots you a smile before redirecting his attention back to jihoon. “and as much as i’d love to tell y/n more, we have to pick up the pace.” without any further questions, the three of you resume with work. 

there’s no time to waste in the journalism industry. still, his praise doesn’t go unnoticed. 

one article turned into eight done in a matter of 30 minutes, all with the help of three pairs of eyes to go through them. (namjoon seemed to carry the heavy lifting. after all, the guy was trained to be quick in reading and spotting errors.)

it should’ve been easy to keep up with your editor for all the other articles; you know each profile like the back of your hand.

then, the face of a boy who you once knew sits on the screen.

his gaze seems to pierce through your soul, almost in the same way you last talked to him. the loose ends of composure slip through your fingers; your breath’s stuck in your throat as the hammering of your heart fills your ears. yet, he stands still on the monitor.

as your eyes drift through the passages you’ve written, every sound is drowned out. the voice of your editor fades like the everchanging seasons and the clicks of the keyboard resemble the sobs you let out in the comfort of your childhood room.

and suddenly, the hands of the clock have turned all the way back to 2014. the cubicles transformed into aisles of chips and instant ramen, and you hear mr. kim’s voice in the distance—i have some hotteok! fresh from the pan! but amidst it all, you hear the giggles of the boy, your best friend, as he rushes towards you—i’ll go audition and make you proud. as your arm is wrapped with the heat of his fingers, you almost believe that your life as a journalist is nothing but a dream—

“i knew him.” the illusion disappears within a blink of an eye. namjoon’s eyes snap towards you and jihoon stops scrolling through the website. “we went to the same high school.”

you aren’t sure why you revealed that to your coworkers, let alone your boss. it’s an old memory—your weight to carry. before you can apologize for disrupting their work, namjoon’s hand rests on your shoulder, his thumb drawing shapes into it. when you look over at him, you’re greeted by his smile. it resembles your bed after a long day of work or a slow day at the newsroom.

but it never lives up to him, whose giggles resemble nature’s symphonies. the two shots of espresso you need at the start of the day once came in the form of his warm embrace. most of all, his smile is enough to illuminate the world even through the strongest storms and times when power went out.

for the remaining articles, not a single word leaves you. before you know it, all 12 articles were ready to go up on the web.

“that’s all of it. should i still schedule them to go up around 12 p.m.?” jihoon notes as he saves the drafts.

“yeah, 12 p.m. still sounds good. thanks a lot.” namjoon nudges his shoulder before looking over to you. “let’s talk in my office.”

you don’t question his orders. once namjoon takes off, you follow him all the way to his office. as he swings the door open, you are met with the familiar sight of his workspace. hues of green and brown mix, where nature and art meet within the space of corporate.

once namjoon takes a seat on his chair, you find your spot across from him. his eyes stare off to the window. for a moment, you’re not sure what to expect from this impromptu meeting.

seconds pass and not a single word has been said—

“this place’s always alive,” your editor breaks the silence. “don’t you think so?”

you follow his line of sight. busy seoul never changes; the skyscrapers pollute the sky and the people never sleep, off to work or off to party.

“where’d you grow up again?”

you look back at namjoon whose eyes still remain locked on the city. “cheongju.”

he hums. “i haven’t been there. nice place?”

“yeah, but i haven’t gone back in a while.”

“when was the last time?” his eyes finally meet yours.

your teeth grasp the inside of your cheek. “2014, since i first left,” you admit. 

“do you miss it?”

you’re not sure how to answer. the pavements you’ve scraped your knees against and the walls your laughs bounced off of—do you miss them all? or is the reason behind your laughter and scabs the one you long for?

“is that why you were hesitant about interviewing them?” namjoon’s thumbs fiddle with each other. “because of your history with him?”

now, you stare at your linked hands. maybe the silence from you is enough to answer his question but you know namjoon would never settle for a soundless answer.

“i—i’m not a good person. and even if i didn’t make the choice to leave, i—” you hold yourself back. your fingers start to pick on the skin around your thumbs, peeling it so blood can spill. 

“it’s okay, i understand. you don’t have to share it with me.” your eyes drift back to namjoon, spotting a small smile that rests on his face. “it must’ve been hard to relive it all.”

the bond you have with namjoon is one that you hold close to your heart. through his mentorship, you got to learn about what it means to be a writer. the fears of being a journalist would loom over you, where questions of salary and demanding work hours would occupy your mind, but namjoon became someone who would absolve them all. he became a pillar in your life, one that provides you hope and comfort within the industry.

“so, don’t feel pressured to talk about it. but if you ever want to open up about it, then i’ll be here.”

namjoon’s giving you an exit. are you willing to take it?

you cross your arms as you lean back into the chair. “you know how i was a science major then?”

“yeah, i remember looking over your resume. and then i saw that you were part of your university’s publication.”

your tongue pushes against the inside of your cheek. “i would’ve gotten some job in that field, like, i had it lined up for me.”

“really? like lab coat and all?”

as namjoon attempts to hold back his laugh over the image, you chuckle along. “yeah, lab coat and all! it’s crazy how my life was all set for that field, but i’m here now.” you look down at your arms. “i think just facing him in a completely different field that i once used to imagine with him was just strange. but i think hearing his answers really did it for me.”

namjoon nods at your words. “care to have lunch with me?” your eyes snap back to your editor. “i’m guessing you want to talk about it, after all.”

all you do is smile before getting off your seat.

spring of 2014

the season of spring has graced cheongju; the sun gleams in the expanse of blue and birds perched on tree branches sing their songs. it’s the perfect season to embrace the wonders of the town.

while it would be a delight to bask under the returning warmth, you’re stuck within the walls of the classroom, head resting on crossed arms. 

still, the lilacs have yet to bloom.

“y/n.” you quickly sit up before your eyes settle on your adviser, ms. jeon, who stands in front of the classroom. “let’s take attendance.”

with that, you’re beside her as you call out each name on the class list. it’s a quick process of saying your classmates’ names for them to respond in variations of “present,” until you reach the section of last names that start with a ‘j’.

“ji changmin.” no response.

you rip your eyes off the piece of paper, only met with your classmates who either look at each other in confusion or spaced out in their own worlds.

“ji changmin?” when you’re met with the same reaction, you’re ready to mark the student absent—

“sorry!” the doors slam open. a boy clad in a white polo and jogging pants is panting by the entrance, covered in sweat as he rests on the edge of it. “sorry, i’m late.”

“oh, it’s okay! you arrived just in time.” ms. jeon smiles at the tardy student. as you watch him take a seat, his eyes lock with yours, but your adviser nudges you before saying, “y/n, proceed.”  

ji changmin made his name a few years back at a competition. the applause and roars from the crowd marked his spot in the school. others describe his movement as of cranes, standing in the middle of a pond as they do their best to minimize forming any ripples, or of elephants, swaying their trunks with control like no other.

but he’s a versatile dancer; nothing can truly capture him.

once you’ve finished marking the attendance, you go back to your seat. you’re ready to start the day with no bother but you can’t shake the feeling of being watched.

“now, you can see in these,” your art teacher, ms. park, points to the screen showcasing works from her favorite contemporary artists like kwon yongju and félix gonzález-torres, “that there are no borders to what constitutes art. and that’s not wrong because we have to recognize that art comes in different forms as we progress, from traditional painting and sculptures to digital ones.”

this field isn't your strong suit. with a greater understanding of the sciences, you struggle to create anything that could be on par with the works of any artist. yet, you enjoyed learning about every piece that your teacher shared, like unfolding and admiring something you know you can never replicate or create. still, the universe decides that they have other plans for you.

“as i mentioned before, i’ll be giving you time to work on your final assessment, which is to create an artwork for the class exhibit. for this deliverable, i’m asking that your work will be a collaborative one, meaning you aren’t working alone.” in a sea of chatter, some groans exit your classmates. “remember, inspiration doesn’t come from your own bubble! take this as your opportunity to create something that you’ve never imagined.”

within a split second, students are off their seats as they attempt to find a partner to work with. you, however, were struggling to think of who you could team up with. admittedly, you have a very different work style compared to others—even cheng xiao, aspiring valedictorian, didn’t enjoy working with you. she turned every activity into a competition against you. (you didn’t enjoy her, either.) while you’re considering shamefully going up to your classmates like a stray dog looking for anyone willing to care for them—

“hi!” in front of you stands the tardy student of today, all smiles as his hands find comfort in the pockets of his jogging pants. “do you have a partner already?”

with furrowed eyebrows, you can’t help but look him up and down. “no, why?”

“well,” changmin looks around the classroom, “everyone seems to have paired up except for us.” as his eyes drift back to you, he flashes you a smile, one that shows the dips engraved into his cheeks. “which leaves me to ask if you would like to work with me for this.”

you don’t have a choice. ms. park would never bend the rules for you. if anything, she would find a way to pair you with another student who would dread the idea of working with you. (“i’m sure they won’t mind being partners with you, right?” is what she would ask the poor student, only to be met with their retreat.)

“unless we accept a failing mark, which i’m sure we both don’t want.” it’s not like changmin had a choice as well.

“okay.” with one word, light fills his eyes, enough to resemble the starlight that grazes your skin every night. “we can meet and discuss our schedules, especially because i’ve got ap stat, and you have, uhm,” a cough leaves you, “training, i’m assuming, or rehearsals. i don’t really know what you call them.”

his eyebrows shoot up as his mouth parts open. “o—oh, yeah. i usually have training after class until 8 p.m. on tuesdays, thursdays, and saturdays.”

“same. my classes are until 7 p.m. on tuesdays and thursdays, so maybe we can use the other days to work together?”

with one nod from him, his dimples reappear. “great! i’ll see you tomorrow.”

before you know it, everyone finds their way back to their seats for ms. park’s final reminders. you do your best to pay attention to every announcement, jotting down every word on your planner and planning out your agenda for the upcoming weeks. yet, your eyes seem to have a mind of their own as they drift back to the boy who discreetly passes notes to kim donghan, another dancer on the team, all while listening to the teacher.

you don’t notice how long you spend staring at changmin until he turns to meet your gaze. in that split second, you look at each other—then, embarrassment washes over you. you shift your attention back to ms. park. as you drum your fingers against the desk, mentally kicking yourself over the interaction, you still can’t shake the feeling of being watched.

you look back at changmin; he’s still looking at you.

his dimples make their reappearance before he looks back at ms. park. you do the same as you attempt to listen to her ramble about banksy’s works. 

(you’re still thinking about the dips in his cheeks.)

the first time you get to meet with changmin for the project happens the following week. you two had different commitments to attend to, whether it be other projects or training. and while you would usually settle to meet in the school library or a cafe nearby, you find yourself inside the empty gymnasium, sitting on bleachers while your partner stands in front of mirrors.

“don’t you think it would be nice to combine our hobbies together?”

your pencil taps against the notebook. “like, your dancing? with what?”

“whatever you like to do!” once he makes his way to you, he leans on the row in front of you with crossed arms. “i mean, do you have anything you like to do during your free time?”

a scoff leaves you. “funny of you to assume that i have free time.”

“what’s your schedule like?”

“well, i have our classes and ap ones, then kumon at night.”

changmin reels at the thought of your schedule. “that’s brutal. the last time i had kumon was back in grade 4.”

“yeah, but i’m sure yours is busy as well. the amount of time that you put into training is…” his eyes are wide, hanging on your words. it’s the hope they hold that has you say, “admirable.”

a shy smile takes over his features. “yeah, but it’s only because my family is supportive of what i do.”

then, limbs whose color resembles the void slither their way to your heart, wrapping around it while the organ struggles to beat; it’s a slow process but an unending hole that will birth from it. yet, you do your best to fight off these limbs, unraveling them one by one in hopes it will give up—until you settle for shaking them off.

you only muster out a hum.

“do you have anything you like to do during those short breaks?”

your lips trill. “i don’t know. watch something on youtube?”

his cheeks puff up, stuck in his thoughts as he tries to navigate this project—and you—until his eyes glint. “what do you do when you want to vent?”

“you sure have a lot of questions,” you comment, trying to hold back a chuckle at his curiosity. “i can just adjust to you. maybe attempt to draw, picture, or even film you.”

his eyebrows furrow. “but that wouldn’t make it collaborative. i want us to work on something that aligns with what we do.”

a beat passes.

he holds your gaze. “i want us to create something that shows us.”

inside you, a gong is struck; its sound reverberates throughout your body, from the crown of your forehead to the tips of your toes. then, silence seeps in—a moment only for you and him.

“i, uh, write,” you whisper as your eyes shift to the notebook resting on your lap.

“really? like, stories and poetry?”

you nod. “i like writing people’s stories more, but i do like making ones.” when you look back at changmin, his eyes are still filled with curiosity. “i would, like, find interviews online and try to make my own, sort of, uhm—god this is embarrassing. forget about it.”

“huh? no, it isn’t!” he attempts to reassure your shrunken figure. “i mean, you don’t have to share more if you really don’t want to, but i’d like to hear more about it.” and when his dimples appear, you almost can’t help but feel your face warm up.

“i’d make articles, i guess?” he nods along with your words. “i don’t know, it’s just interesting to hear about people’s lives and kind of create something out of it, and i like thinking about all the possibilities of who would love to hear them. like, don’t you think that some of the stories that we read hold fragments of someone?”

“that’s an interesting way to look at it.”

as you doodle on your notebook, you say, “yeah, it’s just fun to hear these stories and maybe create something out of it. or even think of stories that i could never live out, you know?” you expect yourself to be met with the bored face of changmin but his eyes remain on you.

“what if you interview me?”

your eyebrows shoot up. “you?”

“yeah,” he stands up before walking up to your row, finding a spot beside you. “think of me as your first interviewee if you want.”

the sudden suggestion has you stumbling over your words. “huh? b—but, i don’t have questions prepared. and how does this help our project?” 

when his arms brush against yours, you start to become aware of the distance between your shoulders—and his face from yours. warmth spreads throughout your body, almost like you’re about to have a fever. once his open hand rests near yours, you don’t know what he’s asking.

“let me draw it out for you.” you hand him your pencil and notebook, allowing him to see your doodles. (you don’t miss his grin.) “you know, with that article you make, we can cut it up and create something out of it.” a roughly drawn sketch of a boy posed in the middle of a dance move now rests on the page. “i don’t know if a collage would be okay.”

as you think about what can be done, you perch your chin on your palm. “we can do papercut art? basically, it’s cutting up the article in a way to form an image.”

“oh, that sounds cool!”

“yeah, but the only challenge is that we can only use one piece of paper.” a sigh leaves you. “it would be impossible for me to even do that.”

“that’s why you have me.” his small smile causes wind chimes to ring. (you’re positive you heard them, even if there were no such things in the gymnasium.)

he continues to sketch out the layout of your joint artwork. “how do we feel about this?” on the paper, there are two boxes beside the figure, where one is labeled as “photo of me” while the other is labeled “an article by y/n.” your head tilts. “it’ll be a three-set piece. so, it’ll be a photo of me and your article, and in between is the papercut art that we’ll make.”

you hum. “you know, you’re very creative.” you look at him only to see that he’s been staring at you. “like, you’re inclined to the arts. i wouldn’t have been able to think of something like this.”

“you’re just as creative,” he argues back as he writes down something.

you shake your head before retorting, “changmin, you’re very talented. i’ve seen the way you dance,” his movements halt, “and you’re like no other dancer i’ve seen. if you ever try out to be an idol, i’m sure you’d do great, maybe end up on the list of the best dancers in the industry.”

but he shakes his head, going back to writing on your notebook and shutting down your compliments. you decide to not push.

“i can get the photo sometime during my training,” he says as he hands you your notebook.

“then i can have the questions sometime this week. for the article, i can have it done maybe four days after the interview. how does wednesday, after school, sound for the interview?”

he shoots you a smile before standing up from his seat. “that’s perfect! i’m looking forward to meeting journalist y/n.” you can’t help but scoff at what he calls you. “what’s wrong?”

“nothing,” you shake your head. “it’s just a silly name.” because the reality is that you had your future planned out—and it definitely didn’t involve that field.

he shrugs. “i don’t know, i think it would fit you.”

“but you haven’t read any of my works.”

“but i want to root for you in the same way you do for me. i don’t want you to feel ashamed of your works.” a fire ignites in your heart; it’s a fireplace.

you’re baffled that changmin, out of all people, now holds your secret, but you’re even astounded over the idea of him supporting you. you almost can’t remember the last time you heard such words of support. is it genuine or nothing but a facade?

“anyway, i’ve got to go. i need to catch up on some homework.” while you shoot him a nod, his dimples make their appearance once more. “i’ll see you tomorrow!” as he takes off, you’re left in the gymnasium with your opened notebook and unlocked heart. you look back down at his sketch surrounded by your doodles, but you don’t miss his little note—cute doodles btw <3

the season of spring has unfolded in cheongju; a single lilac has bloomed.

present -> a day before the interview, 2024

it’s a late night on a tuesday, about to be a midnight wednesday, and you’re in a convenience store as you scout for your dinner. all hauled up in the newsroom, the idea of ordering food during a time where restaurants would still be open slipped your mind. now, you’re left to scan through the same options you’ve eaten for the past years since you started living in seoul.

the convenience clerks are familiar with you, both kim jongseob and kim jiwoo. with your constant late-night meals at the store, you’d talk to whichever one had a shift. jongseob is saving up to upgrade his setup at home to record more music. with all the stories he shares about his time in underground rap battles along with the short verses he’s performed for you, you’re positive that he’ll get signed to a label soon. as for jiwoo, this is one of the many jobs she has in order to save enough money for fashion school. you’ve seen her sketches and outfits she’s put together and you’re hoping that she’ll get accepted.

a sigh leaves you. you didn’t have a problem with eating the food here but you were craving for something new in your life in seoul. the perpetual cycle of eating takeout food and unconsciously skipping meals for work needed to be disrupted just for a moment. but you weren’t seeking michelin-star food—all you wanted was something home cooked. something from home.

the spice of tteokbokki, the burn of freshly fried hotteok, and the sweetness of homemade peach iced tea—mr. kim’s convenience store had it all.

your tastebuds long for cheongju.

“planning to beat your record of spending 23 minutes on deciding what to get?”

you roll your eyes before looking to your right, seeing jongseob stock up the drinks in the fridge. “i hate you.”

“what? i’m just saying, you’re taking a lot longer to decide today.” he chuckles before placing the last bottle of sweetened probiotic milk in the fridge. “none of the options look good to you?”

“sort of,” you hum before you scan through the aisle of packaged meals. “i think i’m craving for something different.”

“i get it. the food here can get boring, which is why i’m planning to order pizza if you want to split the costs.”

your eyebrows shoot up at jongseob’s suggestion. “really? you’d share pizza with me?”

“yeah, as long as you pay for your share.” he shoots you a smile before grabbing on a trolley carrying empty boxes. “unless… you want to pay for the whole thing.”

you bite back a smile as you shake your head. you should’ve known the guy would ask you to buy him food, but you knew that he needed the money and you at least had a stable income to keep you comfortable. “fine,” jongseob’s smile grows as you fish out your wallet from your pocket and pull out a couple of bills. “just order enough for us two.” 

“of course,” he says as soon as you hand him some money. “i’ll make sure to order the most expensive thing on the menu.”

you scoff at his joke. “just make sure to treat me to something.”

the bell by the door chimes. “sorry, can’t hear you over that! need to attend to a customer!” jongseob dashes away from you while dragging the trolley. that little shit just knew how to press your buttons, but you love the kid, anyway.

still, you stand in the middle of the mart and your heart longs for home.

then, you shut your eyes, and you’re transported back in front of the familiar aisle filled with bags of potato chips and sweet corn. the noisy fan along with the soft sounds of mr. kim’s korean drama fills your ears. a mix of yellow and orange hues paint every corner of the mart, including you—and you’re not alone.

your best friend stands on your right, wearing the unbuttoned school uniform polo over a tank top along with jogging pants. he’s lost in thought as he scans through the options of snacks you two can have for today’s afternoon. he starts to giggle to himself, probably from a silly thought he’ll share with you in the next second or a memory involving you, and the dips in his cheeks appear—your heart thumps in your ears.

and just like how quickly you were transported back to cheongju, your surroundings transformed into the cool-lit convenience store found in seoul. all you have left is the image of him bathed in the sunlight.

but he fades away like the ink on old receipts, never gone, because the glowing image of him warps into a different version who stands next to you in the cold mart. he’s grown a few inches taller and his hair doesn’t get in the way of his line of sight. while he wears a green sweater, you notice that he’s gained some muscles. his eyes scan through the aisle behind you filled with different brands of instant ramen.

but he bites the inside of his cheek and his dimples appear.

it’s a tornado that brews within you, enough to uproot trees and displace buildings, all because of an unexpected reunion with changmin. why did the universe decide to bring two ex-best friends on a random tuesday night? what brings him to the convenience store at the same time you’re there? and why did it have to happen a day before the interview?

you weren’t going to commit the same mistake; keep your eyes off of him and make your way out of the store. it didn’t matter if you had an empty, growling stomach, or gave free money to jongseob. you need to leave without the distant, familiar face noticing.

your feet act fast, and you're almost certain that might’ve caught his attention, but it didn’t matter as you see jongseob standing behind the cashier with his phone out. “i just ordered the pizza. it should arrive in about… 20 to 30 minutes.”

“yeah, about that…”

“don’t tell me you’re taking your money back.”

at the sight of jongseob’s pout, you roll your eyes. “no, keep it. i just—i need to go.”

“what? why?”

you peek behind you. it seems like he didn’t recognize you, after all. “i’ve got… work!”

“but don’t you only have your interview with the bo—”

“hey!” your fingers snap at him. “you cannot—i mean, you just… just take the goddamn money.”

“but we’re supposed to share the pizza. you haven’t eaten.”

an exasperated sigh leaves you. “jongseob, just treat me next time. i can eat at home.”

and you’re ready to leave the convenience store, bid farewell to jongseob and a delicious pizza made for two, and never greet or say goodbye to the living fragment of what you last know of cheongju—

“y/n?”

and the plan failed.

when you meet his gaze, you’re able to take in the different version of him. he’s grown so much—it’s such a pain that you weren’t there to witness it. his eyes are a pool of emotions; you can’t identify them.

all it takes is one breath from you. “changmin.”

a beat passes.

“i’m just gonna… go through the storage,” jongseob points his thumb at the back of the mart, “and maybe kill myself afterwards. i don’t know.” before you can protest, he’s already gone. (and he still has your money. that fucker.)

you and changmin were once painted with the hues of the sun. this reunion is tainted with blue.

changmin’s fingers tense up, almost as if he was hesitating—debating—on how to approach you. his body would waver, but he never took a step towards you. “i… i wasn’t expecting to meet you here.” 

“same here.” you lean your back against the checkout counter. “d—do you stay around this part of the city?”

he shakes his head. “i live around 15, maybe 20, minutes away from here. i’m only here because…” your breath gets caught in your throat. “i don’t know.”

fate. that’s what brought us here.

“do you live here?”

you nod. “yeah, ever since—” the sentence never gets completed; you and him already know.

for a moment, sorrow flashes in his eyes, but a smile shows up. the dimples don’t appear. “i, uh, i was going to get something from here but it seems like your friend is busy.”

“sorry about jongseob.” you whip out your phone and scold him through text. “he should be with us in a bit.”

changmin hums before walking to the freezer filled with different ice cream. as he looks through the selection, he asks, “do you still like twin bar?”

“y—yeah.”

“still the grape flavor?” you don’t know what to say, but when his gaze meets yours, you settle for a nod. with your favorite ice cream in one hand and a sandwich in the other, he finally walks towards you. you don’t miss the slight stagger in his steps.

changmin finds his spot beside you. there’s still distance between you two—two tiles worth, enough space for one person—but it’s enough for your muscles to freeze. thankfully, jongseob comes just in time to manage the cashier (with an awkward smile plastered on).

he scans changmin’s item first before grabbing onto your ice cream.

“oh, i’m paying—”

“no, let me,” changmin insists. “you can always treat me another time.”

you bite the inside of your cheek, thinking over the second half of his sentence. jongseob holds back from scanning the item, until you shoot him a nod. changmin pays for the food before jongseob hands them to you.

“i’ll just let you know when the pizza gets here.” his small smile is enough for your shoulders to ease and a quiet exhale to leave. a small nod is all you give him.

you follow changmin outside to the tables in front of the mart. once he’s settled on a spot, you sit across from him. he tears away the plastic wrapping of his food while you play with the ends of yours. 

while he swallows what you assume to be his dinner of the day, you’re left to swallow your own pride.

“i’ve seen your performances.” his chews halt. “you’re—” captivating. “you’ve improved a lot.”  

with one gulp, a shy smile takes over his face. “i still have a long way to go.”

“you always say that, even back then.” a half bitten sandwich now rests on the wrapper. “but i admire your drive.” always have.

while a different version of changmin sits across you, the one you knew back in cheongju still lives. in the busy, unfamiliar expanse of seoul, meeting 10 years later, he’ll never be stranger. you could never treat him as such, even if you wanted to.

“there’s always room for improvement,” he says.

you hum along with his sentiment. “did you stick with early childhood education?” you’re met with his orbs that hold a thousand of emotions, some you can name as shock, confusion. a question hangs in the air—what did you deserve to know?

“sorry, i’m assuming you still went to college, which is totally fine if you did or didn’t, by the way. and it’s also okay if you didn’t stick to your major. i mean, you always talked about pursuing a performing arts degree before—”

“y/n,” he giggles, “you’re okay. i still went to college but i took media & communication.” your eyebrows shoot up at the revelation. “i thought it made sense to study something related to what i do, just the more technical and theoretical side of it, i guess. and the online classes were easy to squeeze into my schedule.” he lifts up the sandwich. “what about you?”

“uh, i ended up in the same course as well.” a hum of shock leaves changmin. “yeah,” you chuckle, “i managed to shift courses.”

“that’s amazing! i’m happy for you.”

you smile at him. “thanks. now, i’m just—” you should tell him what you do. what would be a better time to reveal that you ended up in the path he dreamed for you to be than now? “—figuring things out.”

with your vagueness, changmin only nods before munching away. if there’s anything about you that still remains, it’s that you shouldn’t be pushed to share something you didn’t want to talk about. he still knew that.

as he finishes his sandwich, you tear off the plastic wrapping of your ice cream. with the twin bar in your hands, you snap it into two before you hand him a piece. confusion paints his features, wide eyes glossing over the popsicle in your hand, but he takes it before you can say anything.

“thanks.”

you shake your head. “don’t even worry about it. it’s only tradition.”

silence settles between you two. as you eat away on your share of the twin bar, you look up to the sky. from where you sit, you can’t see a single star; the lights of seoul seemed to outshine them. and during those moments, you almost can’t help but miss the view of the starry night from your childhood room.

you glance at changmin who looks up to the sky as well. yet, one hand remains in his pocket, almost as if he’s fiddling with something. 

as if he feels your eyes on him, he asks, “did you ever think about coming back?”

you halt your movements. if there’s one thing you were expecting your old friend to ask, it would be related to your sudden departure. but you’re hit with an entirely different question, one you didn’t get to rehearse the answer to in case you ever cross paths with him. 

because after all this talk about your yearning for cheongju, why didn’t you choose to visit? despite how much you long mr. kim’s home cooked meals, skies filled with stars, or the presence of your best friend, why didn’t you ever come back?

if you miss home, why is your first instinct to run away from it?

and the reality is that you do think about it all the time. since you left cheongju, you drafted out how many plans to go back. you were homesick, missing the familiar landscape you spent your entire childhood growing up in. but most of all, you missed changmin. as long as you had him, you would survive anywhere, whether in seoul or cheongju.

despite how much you yearned for him during your years away, you learned that your relationship wasn’t always filled with the warmth that would grace you two every afternoon. for so long, you’ve sat with jealousy. while his family was his pillar of strength, you were met with a home that offered nothing but criticism.

the black limbs slowly ate away at your heart; the void was born.

it became easier to remain resentful. with the distance, you weren’t faced with changmin’s genuineness. yet, with time, you discovered that you still cared for him—regardless of your jealousy—because you still wanted more for him than you did for yourself.

for a long time, you resented. now, it’s only guilt that held you back from going back to him.

so when you remain silent, changmin takes it as your answer.

and for the first time, the distance feels greater since you first left cheongju.

summer of 2014

it’s the peak of summer. amidst the expanse of verdant fields, bees seek solace in the fully-bloomed sunflowers and kaleidoscope wings illuminate as they soar.

but summer is where mouths go dry and clothes cling to skin. as days blend with each other, the comfort of your bed is all you have until the season passes.

the fan rumbles against the wooden floor, doing its best to cool you, but the heat prickles against the back of your neck. the wind has turned into nothing but hot waves. with your elbows perched on the desk, a sigh leaves you as you attempt to make sense of the worksheet filled with math equations.

your room is your favorite place in cheongju. within these four walls are scattered fragments of you, from your favorite books and mangas that rest on the bookshelf to the stuffed toys that rest on your bed. book tabs stick out of your workbooks lined up on your desk and your cork board is filled with crossed out to-do lists.

and every once in a while, you would look out through your window, admiring the neighboring houses and all their greenery. as people walk on pavements, you cannot help but think about where they’re off to—are they on their way to work? did they leave an important document back home? or are they coming back to a meal and home filled with warmth?

despite the halo soundtrack filling your ears, the cogs in your brain seem to drown them out. the numbers on your paper have jumbled up. it should’ve been easy. after all, you’ve become friends with the letters who’ve squeezed their way into math. once you’ve wrapped up on this assignment, you know you’ll wake up to another set of work to do. it didn’t help that you’re stuck watching kids your age enjoy their break.

with a tired mind, you consider making yourself another cup of iced coffee. maybe another dose of caffeine will make sense of the numbers—

your phone buzzes against your table. as your eyes rip from the unfinished worksheet, you spot the familiar name flashing on the screen. with one glance at your door, you bring your headphones to rest around your neck. it takes three rings for you to answer.

“what do you want?”

“the fuck? what’s wrong with you?”

you roll your eyes as you fiddle with your pen. “i’m studying, you fucker.”

“on a sunday?” changmin’s question has you only groan. “what happened to resting?”

“i wish,” you murmur as you scratch the back of your head. “i’ve been stuck on this stupid worksheet for the past hours. it’s annoying too. i mean, i already know this topic, so i don’t know why it’s so hard.”

“awe, is my best friend suffering over kumon?”

your forehead rests on crossed arms. “yes. i think i’m going to die.”

“okay, then. i’ll take that as my sign.”

“sign to what?”

he chuckles as if it were obvious. “to save you! let’s go to mr. kim’s.”

a groan leaves you as your back meets the chair. “no, i can’t. do you know what would happen if i don’t finish my kumon?”

“uh… no?”

“me, neither. i’m not taking my chances.”

“but, you’re not even doing anything!” changmin pointing out the obvious has you rolling your eyes. “wouldn’t it be better to take a break with your best friend? i can even help out.”

as you bite the inside of your cheek, you glance once more at your closed door. you weigh it out; would you rather take a break with your best friend or would you save yourself from the consequences brought by home?

but the answer was already clear. “give me 10 minutes.”

changmin laughs before you drop the call.

it’s the smell of fresh hotteok that greets you. the quiet buzzing of the fan accompanied by mr. kim’s favorite trot music fills your ears. while the owner seems to be away from the cashier, a white, stray cat takes over, body flopped on the counter as it snores away the heat. as the sun pours through windows, coating every corner of the mart with a glow of fireflies, you know this will be a place of its own.

“y/n, over here!” a familiar voice calls out. as you whip your head to the source, you see your best friend by the chest freezer, eyes crinkled and all dimples.

now, you’re certain that nothing could ever replicate this.

you walk towards changmin, finding your spot beside him as you two look through the collection of frozen treats. “so, what do you want from here?” you ask.

“uh… i’ll be honest, i just realized i’m short on money.”

you glance through the price tags, only for a groan to leave you. “i’m short too. when did mr. kim raise the prices?”

“no clue. i thought i’d have enough to get a summer crush,” changmin complains as his eyes are glued to the coffee sorbet. “i hate inflation.”

“come on.” you fish out for the coins in your pocket. “let’s see how much we have together.” changmin does the same. with palms out, you two count through your shared funds.

“we can get a summer crush!”

“you can get one. i’ll be left with barely anything.” you look through the selection once more. “man, i really want samanco. the red bean sounds so good right now.”

defeat casts over changmin’s features. for a moment, you almost consider giving up on having a frozen treat and settling for a glass bottle of orange soda, until you spot a familiar popsicle brand.

“holy shit, it’s right there.”

“what?”

“there!” your finger points at the stack of twin bars. “we can probably get that and split it.”

changmin’s expression morphs into realization. “okay, let’s get—”

“dibs on grape.”

“dibs?” he furrows his eyebrows at you. “you can’t just call dibs. you’re doing it wrong. clearly, we should discuss—”

“nope,” you retort. a chuckle laced with disbelief leaves your best friend. to him, it seemed like you were joking around. “i made the suggestion and contributed a lot more to our shared funds.”

“okay, but—”

“don’t tell me you want the peach flavor more than the grape.” as you continue to shut him down, he knows there’s no way around you.

(plus, he wasn’t a fan of peach-flavored things, anyway. how unfortunate that mr. kim only has those two flavors right now.)

“next time, we’re choosing a flavor that i want,” he gives in. you let out a cheer before grabbing the frozen treat.

you two make your way back to the cashier and spot mr. kim slouched in front of the television, hand stroking the sleepy feline. he’s still wearing an old, red plaid apron on top of a pair of basketball shorts and a loose graphic tee which had the name of a band you’re unfamiliar with. with how he sits, you’re afraid that his back problems will get even worse. (still, you don’t say anything. he’ll only play it off and say he’s still one of the “youngins”... whatever that means.)

once his eyes land on you two, a grin takes over. “ah, my favorite kids! it’s nice to see you both.”

“yeah, it’s been a while,” changmin starts off. “y/n’s always busy with kumon.”

you narrow your eyes at the boy. “hey! you’re busy, too! you’ve been practicing at the studio almost every day!” the wrapped popsicle now rests on the counter. “every time i’m free, you’re not.”

“hey! whenever you’re free, i’m tired from training!”

“okay, let’s settle down,” mr. kim breaks up the banter. he then takes note of the ice cream on the cashier, the price showing up on the cashier. “isn’t the heat hard enough for you two to be studying or practicing?”

“yes, very much.” you count the coins once more before dropping the exact amount on the counter. “but,” you glance at changmin and his disheartened expression is enough for mountains to move, “i don’t think we have a choice.”

in reality, these were the circumstances you two had to work and live with. during the days changmin ended practice early, you were drowning in summer school assessments. whenever you managed to finish your homework, it would be during the hours your best friend was off at the studio or passed out at home from exhaustion.

“choice, no choice, people always say that.” mr. kim counts your payment before putting it into the cashier. as he takes note of what you’ve bought, he says, “everyone has a choice. i’m sure you two can figure it out.”

the only difference is that one chose this path; the other had to suffer from the decision forced onto them.

“don’t worry, mr. kim,” changmin nudges your shoulder. “i’m sure we’ll figure it out.” and when the dips in his cheeks appear, you find yourself smiling back.

maybe you were okay with the life you had to live, just maybe.

“anyway, we’ll go ahead,” changmin bids farewell to mr. kim.

you giggle. “he means we’re just going to eat our ice cream at the front.”

as you two slowly make your way out of the mart, mr. kim shakes his head. “you lovebirds go ahead. i’ll see you next time!”

“mr. kim!” you and changmin shout in unison before glancing at each other.

“what?!”

your best friend groans. “you know we aren’t together.”

“yeah! like, i can’t imagine it,” you join in.

still, the owner laughs at your reactions. “you two are so funny. just go and enjoy your ice cream.”

you roll your eyes at his words. “bye, mr. kim!”

with that, you and changmin were out of the mart and took a seat on the benches. you hand your best friend the wrapped frozen treat before letting out a sigh. “i still can’t believe this is one of the few times we got to meet up during the break.”

“i know.” he tears the plastic wrapping off. “you would think that summer break would mean we get to hang out nonstop, but i’m starting to think we saw each other more whenever we had school.”

you hum. “i know. and i had ap stat while you had training.” your eyes dart at changmin who grips onto the popsicle sticks, struggling to split it into two. “oh my god, don’t tell me you can’t split it.”

“hey! it’s hard.”

as you giggle, you reach your hand out. “let me do it.” once changmin hands you the twin bar, you attempt to split the two. for a moment, you almost think about agreeing with him. yet, the frozen treat splits into two perfectly, and a satisfied smile rests on your lips.

you hand him one popsicle, only to be met with his glare. “i know, i’m just better.”

“just shut up.” to that, another laugh leaves you.

under the sun, you enjoy the coolness of the twin bar. while you would’ve stared off to nowhere, you and changmin were here at the right time to catch civilians bustling away. some were on dates, where one would go on about their interest while the other would smile at their rambling. there were kids whose chatter could be heard all the way from the end of the block, and blue-collar men who were off to enjoy their break.

you can’t help but imagine what people saw—thought—of you and changmin. did they think of you as unexpected friends? has it ever crossed their minds that you two were only classmates who seemed to always be paired together? or did they ever think the same as mr. kim?

“you know,” changmin starts off, causing you to look at him, “i was going through college courses the other day.”

your eyebrows shoot up. “oh?”

with your reaction, changmin giggles. “i was just curious, you know? not that i’m giving up on dance or anything, but,” he licks the popsicle, “early childhood education sounds cool.”

you hum. “i wasn’t expecting that.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

“no, it’s not a bad thing!” you reassure the boy. “it’s just,” you rip your gaze off of changmin and look at the playground, “i always thought of you as a dancer, you know? kind of like you were meant for the stage.” the laughter of the kids who passed by you two bounces all over the block and you can’t help but smile. “but i don’t doubt it.”

the breeze graces your sweat-covered skin. “what about you?” you look back at him. “would you ever consider journalism? maybe communication as your major?”

you’re quick to laugh at his suggestion, but when confusion paints his features, you realize it’s a serious question from him.

“no.” it’s a straightforward answer from you, but changmin could never settle with that

“why not?”

a sigh leaves you. “i just don’t consider it. i mean, i think about it,” all the time, “but not enough to consider it. plus, astrophysics is cool.”

“but is it your dream?”

changmin’s question is an easy one to answer—not at all. you’ve had enough learning about theories and making sense of the numbers. if your future is going to only complicate that further, then maybe astrophysics isn’t made for you. 

but who’s to say that you’ll even enjoy journalism?

“we’ll see.” you leave it at that and changmin didn’t push for more.

because the reality is that if you ever did consider it, transform those dreams into action plans, you were terrified to be met with your parents’ disappointment—it wouldn’t only be from your lousy desires but from changmin’s role in your life.

the first time you mentioned changmin to your parents happened over dinner, letting them know you would be staying later at school to work on the final project for art class with him. they didn’t bat an eye at his name as they continued to talk about what happened during work and pester you about your progress in other classes. (art class didn’t matter to them, only the sciences and math were ones they seemed to track. still, they would criticize you if you didn’t place first honors.)

with your parents’ oversight, something blossomed between you and changmin. from there, there were more days you would get home later than usual. while you were still on top of your work, they took your late arrivals as a form of negligence.

all it took was one night for them to demand an explanation. the reappearance of him in the conversation had only caused them to reprimand you—changmin’s not like you. he’ll only hold you back. 

from that day on, you’ve learned to keep his name out of conversations. you’ll enjoy what you have with changmin, even if it has to be kept under the wraps.

“how’s training?” you change the subject, trying to keep the attention off of your failed dreams to changmin’s flourishing ones.

“well, it’s a lot,” he chuckles as he munches a piece. “you already know that it takes how many hours to get to the company, and the hours i spend in the practice room are unlike the trainings i have at school.”

as his eyes meet yours, you only shoot him an apologetic smile. it was never going to be easy; you two knew that before changmin entered the doors of the company. yet, he still held on.

“you know, i never considered it before, but i like where i’m going,” he admits. “even if i’ve always had dreams to pursue dance, i want to make my family proud if i ever get to debut.” 

changmin knows how to persevere. regardless of all the bruises he gets from performing complex dance routines or the hours of sleep he longs for, he knows how to hold on. you wish you could say the same for yourself.

“and you will,” you reassure the boy, wrapping your arm around his shoulders. “who wouldn’t be proud of you?”

he holds your stare and your smile falters. for a moment, you don’t know if you touched on a sensitive topic. would he shrug your arm off? do you think he’ll shut you off, maybe cut your time together short? will changmin get mad at you for something you didn’t know was wrong? would he be just like them?

“i want to make you proud.”

that’s enough to answer it all.

you shake your head. “don’t even doubt that for a second.” your arm finds it spot back to your side, and changmin’s loops his with yours.

although he knows how to persevere, he never knows when to shut his ears from the shadows. 

“i am proud of you,” you tell him. “always have, always will.” he can’t help but smile. all you can hope is that he’ll listen closely to your voice.

“i almost forgot,” he says out of nowhere.

“forgot what?”

as he tugs his arm away, his hand fishes for something in his pocket. “close your eyes.” you furrow your eyebrows. “just do it!” you follow his orders. “and keep them closed, okay?” you let out a hum.

before you know it, something wraps around your index finger. you would’ve opened your eyes, confused over the foreign yet familiar material, but they remain shut. 

“okay, open.”

your gaze rests on your finger wrapped in yellow and blue. it’s a finger trap—and the other end is connected to changmin. despite your tug, it still holds you two together.

it’s the warmth that fills your cheeks, the heartbeat in your ears, and your starstruck eyes that has him smile. “no matter what happens, we’ll stick together, okay? regardless of what paths we end up pursuing. all that matters is that we have each other.”

he’s filled with hope. hope for his dreams. hope for your relationship. hope for what the future holds for you two. you can’t help but hope as well.

all it takes is a nod from you to solidify the promise to the universe.

you two sit in silence, finishing up the popsicles as people continue to pass by. at one point, you heard mr. kim let out a curse over the drama he’s watching. the sun is about to set, wrapping you two in a golden blanket, and all that matters is the finger trap.

present  -> two weeks before the interview, 2024

it’s no surprise to you that the newsroom is quiet. while your peers are off to gather more information, you’re with lee chaeyeon of news as she tries to meet the deadline for her article’s first close.

“do you think dokyeom will be late?” you ask as you watch her rephrase sentences.

she laughs. “when is he never? minho’s always assigning him coverages.”

“that’s true.” your eyes drift to the hallway. “i’m just hungry. he still owes me food, you know?”

“over another bet? or you saving his ass?”

“over helping him with an article,” you reveal, earning a shocked look from her. “for some odd reason, he needed another writer to help out with a live coverage, and all the sports writers and sports editor were busy handling the other events.”

“holy shit.” chaeyeon continues with her work. “i didn’t expect you to work on anything sports-related.”

“yeah, but it helped that it was a dance competition. at least i know something about dance.” you only know who to thank. “i’m going to make sure i get compensated for that. i’m planning to raise it to minho and namjoon, anyway. that’s if dokyeom would fucking come and help in explaining the situation.”

with the mention of the tardy writer’s name, he’s scrambling through the halls with his backpack in one hand and a paper bag in the other. the moment he sees you, he shoots you an apologetic smile.

“speak of the devil,” you say as you stand up straight. “why do you always show up late? i helped you with the article.”

dokyeom finds his spot beside you as he sets down the bag on your desk. “i’ll have you know that wasn’t the only article i had yesterday. i was catching up on other ones that minho assigned me.” before he can plop down on his seat, he spots chaeyeon working. “damn, tough life at news.”

“no need to point out the obvious, doofus.”

“wow, harsh,” he replies to her insult. “just so you know, i bought food for us.”

“thank god,” you exclaim as you open the paper bag filled with takeout containers and sealed cups. as you pull them out one by one, you spot your usual order from the vietnamese restaurant around the corner. “oh my god, thank you for getting me this.” you take a seat before you pass dokyeom his food and utensils.

“yeah, i know. i’m just the best.” his shower of compliments for himself only has you rolling your eyes. “but thank you, by the way, for helping me out with the article. i needed an extra pair of hands and my own editor couldn’t stand in to help out.”

“it’s fine. just make sure you help me get compensated for that article,” you say before you open the container. as the smell of bun bo nam bo fills your nose, you can’t help but let out a quiet moan. “holy fuck, i’ve been craving this.”

“i made sure to get you some vietnamese coffee also.”

“yeah, i saw. thank you.” you split the chopsticks with one hand. you’re about to mix the bowl of your favorite food—

“is y/n here?” your editor calls out, causing you to let out a sigh before you stand up from your seat.

“yes?”

namjoon’s gaze lands on you. “can i talk to you for a bit?”

despite your grumbling stomach, you give him a nod and set your food down. as he retreats to his office, you glare at dokyeom who munches away on goi cuon. “i hate you.”

“hey, what did i do?!” you ignore his attempts to defend himself as you make your way to your editor’s office.

once you swing the door open, you spot namjoon whose eyes are stuck to the screen. “you can take a seat,” he says with no attempt to look at you. you sit across from him, hands folded on your lap, while he types away on his keyboard.

the moment he hits the ‘enter’ key is when he finally looks at you. “sorry about that. i was just replying to minho regarding your compensation for the article you worked with dokyeom. we both appreciate what you did. next time though, make sure to loop in minho or me before you two start working on beats not within your staffs.”

“sorry about that,” you start off. “dokyeom only asked for my help and i thought it would be fine since i’m familiar with dance, anyway.”

namjoon shakes his head with a small smile plastered on his face. “it is fine, just make sure to inform us.” you only nod.

“anyway, i’m sorry to have this meeting with you right now but i have to leave work early today, and i thought that you’d appreciate that i tell this to you now instead of tomorrow,” he says. you hum, curious about what he has to say. “i have a coverage for you, a very, very, long one.”

over the sight of your wide eyes, he can’t help but chuckle. “it’s 12 articles,” he says and your mouth gapes over the number. “well, one main article and 11 profiles with very brief introductory paragraphs.” his attempt to ease your shocked state does nothing.

“namjoon, that’s… a lot.”

“yes, i know. i would love to split the workload but everyone else is handling other articles, and i trust you. i know i’m asking for a lot but i’ll make sure to help you out with them. it’s just that we’re working on a time crunch and i don’t know anyone else i can ask but you.”

the faith that your editor seems to have in you is like no other.

“profiles, like, those q&a transcripts?” you ask.

he nods before saying, “yes, and just a brief introductory paragraph for each profile. i’m just expecting you to put more work into the article about the group. i’ll make sure to help out with the profiles.”

namjoon’s trust should be anxiety inducing, enough to send you complaining, but you find yourself relieved. your mentor became your second-in-command; the mountain of workload transformed into a hill.

“okay.”

a relaxed smile appears on his face at your acceptance. “thank god! i was going to stress about this the whole day if you refused. i’ll make sure to send you the details about this once i’m done with my appointments, and then we can see how we’ll divide the work later on.” he types something. “we’re covering a k-pop group which is why there’s one main article about the whole group and then 11 profiles.”

“yeah, i figured that out.” this isn’t anything out of your usual articles. “can i ask who we’re interviewing? maybe i can do some research on them while you attend your meetings.” you pull out your phone, ready to search up whoever your editor says.

“don’t know if you’re familiar with them but they’re called the boyz?” you still in your seat. “wait, let me check. yes, that’s their name.”

“the boyz?”

namjoon looks at you, now met with your features that have transformed from wide eyes to scrunched eyebrows.  “yeah. do you know them?” 

you shake your head without a second thought. “no, i don’t think i do,” you whisper the last sentence to yourself. his narrow eyes look over you, almost dissecting you.

the walls surrounding you are painted in solid colors of pearl, almost untouched. yet, under the paint are cracks that spread like cobwebs. every burst is a testament to the earthquakes they’ve faced; no one should be able to see a single line of black amid the white sea. now, they’re filled with paste, and it should be enough to cover them all.

but for the first time, the paint has chipped and the paste has deteriorated; the different colors of cheongju seep through the cracks.

you clear your throat as you straighten your back. “i’ll be sure to research them.” you wave your phone at him, hoping to divert his attention, but his gaze remains on you.

a sigh leaves him. “okay. expect to receive the documents later in the afternoon.”

he doesn’t push any further. for now, the walls remain intact. (or appear as so.)

it was never going to be easy.

“honestly, i gave up expecting to win as we practiced,” the youngest says through tears. as they huddle, they let out silent wishes for the upcoming years. before they blow the candle, they don’t forget to express their gratitude to the fandom who stuck with them through thick and thin.

a time of celebration turned into a moment to remember their struggles. these were pockets of their time that marked their spot in history.

“oh, everyone behind us is crying!” another member points out as the camera captures the team’s bittersweet cries.

and when you catch sight of the orange-haired boy who hides his tears behind his friend, the ache in your chest starts to spread through your veins. the video cuts to his low-hanging head as his members comfort him. they knew all of his hardships—you only know a fraction.

such a tender moment happened five years ago; it’s the same amount of time between this achievement and your departure. within those years, what did changmin undergo? did his trainings waver his passion or did the fire burn just as bright as it did since he first auditioned? was he confident in his skills or was he still critical about every performance he had?

but most of all, what did he face? what did he learn? to hate? to love?

what did he go through without you?

you don’t forget to take note of their first win on your document filled with bullet points of information. while you were going to continue watching, a recommended video caught your attention. it’s a changmin focus. you don’t hesitate to click it.

the video starts off with him checking up on the fans before the performance starts. as he mimes out eating, they answer his question with reassurance.

and there they come—his dimples appear.

it transitions to their group in their opening formation. as they await for the song to play out, changmin’s familiar smile shifts into a dominant gaze.

in the same way the first notes draw people to listen, your eyes never leave the boy. his movements are fluid, like water droplets sliding off leaves. he commands the stage regardless of where he’s positioned.

changmin is meant to be on the stage—no, every stage is made for him. every crowd is meant to cheer his name and remain captive to his talents, and every spotlight is meant to shine on him.

you rest your chin on crossed arms. long gone was the bowl cut and loose school uniform. he’s grown. matured, even. yet, the moments where his smile appears makes you realize one thing: the 16-year-old boy you knew still lives within him.

as their performance comes to an end, you don’t bother to move your cursor, letting the next recommended video play. and when his vlog plays out, you realize that a fragment of his identity is a whole of what you know.

what an honor it is to have known him for even a fraction of your lifetime.

his voice is a lullaby, the same one you used to fall asleep to, so you allow yourself to close your eyes. you let go of the responsibilities for just this moment, and allow yourself to be transported back into the warmth of his arms.

fall of 2014

out of all the seasons, autumn took its spot in being your favorite. clusters of green slowly morph  into shades of oranges and browns. it’s a symphony of chirps that fills the silence. while the breeze brings you comfort after the heat of summer, it also reminds you of the looming winter.

it’s a shame that autumn does live up to its other name: a season of fall.

“you’re always like this,” your mother comments. you stand in front of your parents, slumped shoulders and downcast eyes, as they hold a sheet of paper they believe dictates your future. “always so sensitive. we’re just asking you what went different. why did your grades drop?” to them, a shift from a to b+ is a threat to your future. 

while your feet stand on wooden floors, a flood starts to form. murky waves crash against your legs, but you do your best to keep your balance.

“answer us when you’re being talked to.” your father snaps you out of your thoughts. “what have you been doing for your grades to drop?” you want to answer but a single sound that leaves you may only lead to blubbers that your parents will scold you for. 

with your silence, your mother sneers. “i knew we shouldn’t have let you do your own things. i told you so.” she shifts her gaze to him. “what did i tell you about y/n? you know they’ll only slack off!”

“i thought we could trust them. clearly, i was wrong.” your father’s glare raises the water levels, reaching your chest. you don’t know how to swim in the foggy ocean.

“i know why.” she crosses her arms. “it’s because of that changmin boy, isn’t it?” she says his name laced with disgust.

you don’t think twice to defend him. “no, it isn’t!”

“don’t you dare talk back at me!”

“but i’m not! he’s done nothing.”

your father begins to raise his voice. “and that’s what’s wrong! that lazy boy does nothing for his studies. he clearly doesn’t care about his future.”

you always knew it would be a losing battle, but you’ll put up the fight to protect your best friend’s name. “that’s not true! he does care. he’s planning to do early childhood education for college, maybe become a teacher.”

“that job has no money. see, i can already see that you’re being influenced by him,” he argues back.

and as the murky waters rise, filling your lungs, your first instinct is to close your eyes and scream. “stop saying that about him!”

a beat passes.

“i don’t want you hanging out with him.”

“but—”

“shut up.” your mother’s words cause you to look up, meeting your parents’ faces filled with anger.  “go to your room. now.” you’re nothing but a puppet for them.

was it even a battle if you always knew you were going to lose?

despite the safety of your room, you don’t let the tears flow down. you do anything to distract yourself; maybe a book will convince you that your life is only a figment of your imagination.

waves continue to crash against your body. if you let them take your body, would they send you far away from cheongju? from your parents? from the weight you were entrusted to carry since birth?

but would you allow the waves to send you away from changmin?

your phone buzzes against the mattress. with tear-filled eyes, you see your best friend trying to reach you. you don’t think twice about declining his call and shutting off your phone.

as you curl in your bed, you hope the sea will swallow you whole—the slow, burning pain that comes with drowning won’t compare to the burns that haven’t healed. but you know that the blame rests on your shoulders. if only you had studied harder, cut off hours of rest for your work, then maybe you would be the perfect child your parents wanted.

were you wrong for allowing yourself to enjoy the small breaks between classes? was the time spent in the mart supposed to be for schoolwork? should you have found yourself a tutor? were you in the wrong for not working yourself to the bone? did you not work enough?

are you not enough?

then, a knock. your eyes snap open. like a stroke of light in the middle of the dark, changmin is by your window.

you get off your bed to open the window. as the glass barrier disappears, he enters your room. “are you okay?” he spots your glassy eyes and his hands find their spot on your shoulders. “what happened?”

you break eye contact. “what do you want, changmin?”

“you didn’t pick up your phone. and when i tried calling again, i couldn’t reach you,” he starts to explain.

you shrug off his grip on you before you take a seat on your bed. “i’m fine. my phone died.” as you feel the spot beside you dip, you look at your best friend. at the sight of his furrowed eyebrows, you know he doesn’t believe you. “i said i’m fine.”

“i didn’t say anything.” for you are an open book to him.

he opens his arms towards you—it’s your move to make. then, a tight-lipped smile shows on his face, his dimples appear, and you allow yourself to fall. with his arms wrapped around you, you shut your eyes as you nestle your face into his neck.

breathe in. breathe out.

his hand finds its spot on your back, rubbing it in circles.

breathe in. breathe out.

“it’s okay, i’m here,” he says, and you allow yourself to crumble in front of him for the first time.

the tears hit changmin’s neck like a light drizzle. your wails bring earthquakes into his world.

yet, his warmth is enough to dry up droplets, and his embrace protects you as you fall into the cracks of the earth and into the depths of the world. the flood starts to subside.

in your time knowing changmin, how much did he know about you after all? had he always known of your strained relationship with your parents? did he hear about it from others or was he able to connect the dots?

because you didn’t know yourself outside of your parents anymore. did you like science because of your kumon classes? was your interest in writing birthed from a desire for validation from your parents?

are you nothing but an array of achievements and failures?

but your parents will never be satisfied; a standard too high is practically nonexistent.

changmin moves so that you two can lie down. his arms remain wrapped around you as you hide in his neck. “i’m sorry if i wasn’t there for you when you needed it then.” his whispered apology causes you to shake your head.

“you didn’t do anything wrong,” you blubber out to his neck.

“and you didn’t, as well.” his hand finds its spot behind your head. with every stroke, a tear streams down. “and i want you to know that i’ll be here for you.”

in your house, your room was the only space you called home. solace built by you. 

now, your home is changmin.

present -> two weeks before the interview, 2024

something about the newsroom feels odd to you. there’s nothing out of the ordinary aside from it bustling with journalists. the familiar sounds of printers and chatter from your workmates fill your ears. it’s a typical occurrence for your peers to meet their deadlines on the day itself. the tug in your gut doesn’t resemble ones formed out of your anxiety. why does it feel like one of destiny?

“where is dokyeom? i swear, this guy never shows up to the office.”

you snap out of your thoughts, looking over at chaeyeon who browses through her phone. as you shove a bill into the vending machine, a chuckle leaves you. “when is he never?”

“maybe if he finishes his coverages on time then he’d be getting enough sleep. then, he won’t be late.”

you side-eye your friend before you click on a button. “you know that’s not true.”

she sighs at the same time your bottle of iced tea drops. “yeah. apparently, if you have free time, you’re not a good journalist or some shit which i find stupid.” you grab your drink before facing her. “am i not allowed to do something else that’s not related to my job? i swear, this is why i’m single.”

“then date another journalist.” your joke earns a scowl from her.

“i’m never dating anyone in my field. a journalist dating another journalist is like,” she looks up to the ceiling as she thinks, “a long distance relationship with how much they’ll never see or have time for each other.”

a laugh erupts from you, one that may be too loud for your liking. “true.”

as you walk out of the breakroom with chaeyeon, you notice something in the corner of your eye: a brunette by the restroom. while you can’t see his face, you spot what’s in his hand and you halt in your tracks—a finger trap.

“hey, is there someone there?” your eyes snap back to your friend who looks at you in confusion. when your eyes drift back to where the brunette once was, he’s already gone. you shake your head before walking back to your desk.

the same gut feeling lingers. with a frown, you open up your article only to be met with a few comments that namjoon left last night. maybe your gut knew that you weren’t done with your work. thankfully, it’s nothing too major, and you can have them done within the next few minutes.

“there you are!” chaeyeon exclaims, causing you to look up from your screen to a panting dokyeom. “were you working on your articles again?”

“actually, i went out last night.” while you shake your head at dokyeom’s reveal, chaeyeon gasps. “yeah, i did! i actually had fun for once!”

as he nods proudly at last night’s events, she complains, “are you serious?! how come you have time to go out? i was just talking to y/n that we never have time to ourselves.”

“i’m in sports,” he points out as he shrugs his shoulders. “you’re in news.” at this point, you’re expecting the two to spiral into an argument, so you redirect your focus back to your article.

“hey, did you hear though? there’s a k-pop group in the building.” you glance at chaeyeon.

your other friend leans on the cubicle. “really? who?”

“no clue.”

dokyeom lets out a groan. “what type of journalist are you if you can’t find out?”

“yah!” chaeyeon smacks his arm, causing him to wince in pain. “says you who can never submit on time.”

“hey, i’ll have you know that minho has been understanding!”

“whatever.” she rolls her eyes before looking at you. “that means you’ll probably be handling them. i hope they’re cute so that you can finally have something going on with your life outside of work.”

a chuckle leaves you as you get back to work. “i’m never dating an idol. i’d get hunted down by their fans.” 

“yeah, but can’t you dream a little? do you ever imagine what it would be like?”

the past plays in your mind. after school performances and interviews. broken-up popsicles. finger traps. a life you shared with changmin then—one you still cling onto.

yet, you shake your head as you edit your article. “not even.”

it’s a life you’ll keep to yourself.

“what’s the update?”

the three of you look away from each other, spotting namjoon who comes to you with a smile. long gone were the sweaters that failed to drown out his figure and the boxy glasses that would rest on the bridge of his nose. now, he wears a dress shirt and trousers with hair slicked to the side. there were no frames for him to hide behind.

“ah, namjoon! you’re dressed so nice today.”

with dokyeom’s compliment, he can’t hold back on his smile. “thank you. are you guys done with your articles?”

as your friends nod, you add the finishing touches to the document. “and done! i just finished addressing your comments.”

“great. thanks, y/n.”

“do you have something?” chaeyeon asks your editor, causing you to roll your eyes. one thing about journalists is that they love to know everything.

namjoon nods before saying, “i just had a meeting with some possible interviewees.”

“is this the one with the k-pop group?” as dokyeom asks the question, you can’t help but laugh as chaeyeon looks at him in disbelief for spilling confidential information.

your editor chuckles. “yes.”

“can we know—”

“no, you can’t know.”

chaeyeon pouts at namjoon. “not even a hint?”

namjoon ignores her question and begins to walk off. “good work, y/n!” he calls out before leaving you three alone.

“man, namjoon never tells us shit,” chaeyeon complains as she leans on the table.

“to you guys, at least,” you argue with a small shrug.

still, the gut feeling remains.

something about the newsroom feels odd to changmin. while he’s had his fair share of paranormal experiences, his gut tells him that there’s something in the office. yet, the tug isn’t one that speaks of danger. why does it feel like one of destiny?

“should we have a short break before we discuss the schedules for the photoshoots and interviews?” changmin is snapped out of his thoughts by namjoon’s suggestion.

his manager looks at the group. “do you guys need a break?”

sangyeon shoots namjoon a smile before looking at his members. “you guys can use the washroom if you need to.”

although everyone seemed fine with proceeding, changmin couldn’t shake off the feeling. maybe the leftover curry he had this morning went bad. “i’ll go,” he says as he gets off his seat.

namjoon slowly stands up. “okay, i can bring you there—”

“it’s okay! i saw the washroom on the way here,” changmin says before walking to the door. “you can discuss the details without me. i’m sure you guys will manage.”

with sangyeon’s and his manager’s nods, namjoon settles back into his seat. “okay then, here are some of the dates i have in mind...”

changmin exits the room. he bites on the inside of the cheek as he thinks of what his gut could be telling him. is it the nerves for the upcoming tour? is he worried about the next comeback they’ve been preparing? or is he scared about what the future has in store for his group?

with his mind on these questions, he doesn’t realize that he arrives in front of the bathroom door. a sigh of frustration leaves him. the worst thing about gut feelings is never knowing what they’re trying to say.

he grips the handle, ready to swing the door open, until a familiar laugh hits his ears. one of the past. one he hasn’t heard in years. his muscles freeze.

when was the last time he heard that chortle? when was the last time he became the cause of it?

his eyes dart around the area for the source but no one else is here. he can’t help but shake his head in disbelief.

it should be stupid for him to think you two would ever reunite. in what world would you be in the same place as he is? it’s been 10 years. you could be anywhere around the world. yet, he fishes for something out of his pocket; the same finger trap he linked you to him rests on the palm of his hand.

he sighs before entering the washroom and shoving it back into his pocket.

maybe he’ll hold out a little longer.

winter of 2014

out of all the seasons, changmin’s favorite is winter. snowflakes fall, filling the sky with stars that people can touch, and snow piles on sidewalks, letting him throw snowballs at his friends. despite the freezing temperatures, changmin prefers this over nearly-boiling ones.

he can’t wait to share this season with you.

yet, the familiar, chilly breeze of the season transforms into whispers, and word gets around like thrown snowballs. 

“is y/n really not going to school anymore?” changmin looks up from his desk to see cheng xiao standing in front of him. he tilts his head in confusion, causing her to roll her eyes. “are they not going here anymore?”

he frowns. “huh? what kind of rumor is that?”

“i don’t know. it’s what people have been saying,” she says as she crosses her arms. “i asked because i wanted to know if my competition’s gone, you know? and you’re the only one here who has an idea about their whereabouts.”

changmin laughs in disbelief. “no, i was with them last week.”

when changmin last saw you, you asked for space. with what’s been happening with your family, you needed time to process and cope with your issues, and he respected that. after all, he only knew a fraction of your relationship with your parents, and he didn’t want to intrude in anything you didn’t want him to be a part of. still, changmin reminded you that he’ll be there if you need him.

“damn, that sucks,” cheng xiao groans as her shoulders slump. “these stupid rumors.” as soon as she leaves changmin alone, he shakes his head.

the bell rings. students start rushing into classrooms and teachers scold those who aren’t on their seats. ms. jeon enters the room, walking to the desk in front and setting her things down. “cheng xiao, you’ll be in charge of attendance today.”

as changmin’s classmate gets off her seat, he can’t help but look at your desk that still remains empty.

“you have to message us when you land,” your mother says as she fixes the collar of your coat. despite your nod, she clicks her tongue. “answer me properly.”

“yes, i will.”

once your father finishes placing the last luggage in the trunk of the taxi, he stands beside your mother. “don’t forget why we’re sending you there. we expect you to do better with no distractions.”

your phone buzzes in your hand. as you look down, you see a message from changmin. as he asks about your whereabouts, the weight gets heavier—will you stand or crumble under it?

“who’s that?”

you stash your phone away as you look back at your parents. “nothing. it’s just an email from the school. they sent over the date for the orientation.” at the sight of their satisfied smile, you let out a small sigh of relief.

“well, go on.” your nod at your mother before getting in the car. with the windows still down, she adds, “don’t forget to get endorsement letters from the professors i sent over to you or else you won’t get to study abroad like we planned.” her choice of pronouns is funny; a plan that they crafted which never considered your input.

“okay.”

as your father commands the driver to go, your gaze remains on the two. it should be okay with you to leave cheongju; you’d be far away from your parents and experience an entirely different landscape to explore. it’s time you break away from the chains of this town. learn a life outside of what your parents forced you into.

yet, as the car takes its leave, the figure of your parents slowly shrinks. the distance from them should’ve given you the space to breathe, a relief you’ve longed for, but it only reminds you of your strained relationship. to them, it would be better that you’re out of their sight—and with your farewell, you never heard the three-word phrase.

the window rolls up. you try to hold back the tears, but the scenery of cheongju that you pass by births a storm within you. you didn’t want to say goodbye to home, regardless of how much you say you didn’t have a home in this town. every corner holds a piece of you in the same way you hold a piece of them.

the car approaches a safe haven you share. despite the snow that piles at the front, mr. kim’s convenience store is still open. you’ll never get to have his hotteok again or hear his favorite dramas play in the background. worst of all, you never got to say goodbye.

then, the familiar figure of your best friend exits the mart, and the storm transforms into a typhoon. the plastic bag he holds is filled with your favorite snacks, from the grape-flavored twin bar to a bottle of mr. kim’s homemade peach iced tea.

and in that moment that your car passes him, he pulls out his phone from his pocket, and you spot the familiar trap wrapped around his finger—the other end holds no one.

as quickly as you came into changmin’s life, he disappears from your view.

finger traps were fascinating. if you tug hard, the contraption won’t let your fingers go. yet, if you allow the two fingers to meet, allowing the toy to loosen, it’ll let you go with no harm.

but your finger trap with changmin was different. maybe it was already ripped to its seams.

interview

q: what made you decide on becoming an idol?

a: i’ve always loved dancing. growing up in cheongju, i always made time [for dance] whether it be [for] school competitions, talent shows, or even [choreographies] i wanted to try out. but i never considered becoming [an idol] until high school. a lot of my friends and family thought i was capable, and i’m glad they trusted me. it feels good to give back to them with every performance.

q: as the first trainee meant to debut in the boyz, you’ve spent more time training compared to your other members. what kept you going throughout your years of training?

a: my family’s support was one big thing that helped me [during my training.] every trip from my house to the company would last hours, and it drained me physically. so as the years went by, i started to question if all the time, money, [and] effort i was putting into an unpromised debut would be worth it, but my parents and sisters were always there to support and [take] care of me. but i’d also like to think my best friend was a major support in training years. i think they were the first one to [tell me that they saw me as an idol,] and at the time i brushed off the idea. but, look where i am now? so i think i owe a lot to them.

q: is there anything you’d like to say to those who’ve supported you as the boyz’s q?

a: mom and dad, thank you for believing in me. i know it wasn’t easy to wait until midnight for me to come home or take care of me whenever i got sick from training. thank you for always supporting me in every performance. to my sisters, thank you for helping mom and dad out at home. every day, i remind myself that you gave up so much just so i can pursue my dreams, and i want you know that i’m forever grateful for your sacrifices. to the rest of [the boyz], thank you for always allowing me to rely on you. i’m glad i can say i have brothers who i get to achieve my dreams with. deobi, thank you for your love and support over the years. i wouldn’t be the boyz’s q or ji changmin if it weren’t for you. and lastly, thank you to my best friend. i hope you’ll always be proud of me the same way i’ll forever be proud of you.

tag list: @deoboyznet @kflixnet @blankjournal @winterchimez @miusgirl @jenoscafe @sweet-unicorn-world @mosviqu @vernyangel @stealanity @deobi0412 @blue-rainydays @maessseongs @dearly-somber

[blucactus112]

May never come to reality but im planning out a Animatic to AJR's 'Maybe Man' (sue me) and need some help filling in some of the parts.

(Its probably going to be about all the life series in general not specifically Wild life. but feel free to try it fit it all in one series)

!!!long post incoming!!!

General plan so far:

First Half(ish) will be calmly looking at hermits in their peaceful habitats talking about their insecurities.

Finishing the first half when we get to the god part it will be Grian before life series started pleading to watchers and becoming one himself then cutting to him and all the other lifers standing around in a circle (like the start of each series) (much wow)

ONE. TWO. PANDEMONIUM.

murder, just all of the scenes of people dying biggest polt twist, betrayals, and Amount of kills.

Also specifically a close up of grain seeing the server burning in the reflection of his eyes.

ending with another shot of the beginning of a server but we see grains eyes which are weathered and worn out and maybe has some watcher purple

Specific Lines:

Wish I was a stone, so I couldn't feel You'd yell in my face, it'd be no big deal But I'd miss the way we make up and smile Don't want to be stone, I changed my mind

Im thinking scar and Grian Desert Duo? also could be

I wish I had eyes in the back of my head Then I could see the places I've been But then I would know that you're talkin' shit I don't wanna know what my friends think

This im Deff thinking cleo bigb scott and lizzie from the Boogeyman series (i forgor wich one that is)

but open to other ideas

Wish I were my dog out on the lawn I'd be so glad when I hear you come home But if I were my dog, I wouldn't live long I'm sure gonna miss her when she's gone

This is pearl playing with a dog, you cannot fucking make me change my mind

I wish I could act in a show on TV 'Cause then I could practice not bein' me I'll practice my cry, put it into my reel But you won't believe me when I cry for real

im either thinking like Ren or Martyn because of the acting thing or one of the scenes usually portrayed as lots of crying (ie Scott at the end of double life)

I wish that my brain would triple in size I'd nail every joke, I'd win every fight But I'd get too deep with that kind of mind I don't wanna know the point of life

ive been thinking of this as jimmy in general but also i dont want to be mean so other ideas would be great

In some other life I would be rich I'd travel in style, I'd cover the bill But couldn't complain 'bout anything small Nobody'd feel bad for me at all

havent given much thought for ones after this but im thinking Scar on Magic mountain trying to scam everyone?

If I was cocaine or a bottle of Jack I'd get invited to every frat But when you get old and your good days have passed You'll only want me when you're sad

have there been any people that bounce between alliances during one series?

Wish I was a song, your favorite one You'd follow the dance to me at your prom I would be there when your baby is born For two or three minutes, then I'm gone

there was at least one dande floor that was a trap, right??

I wish I was big, as big as my house I'd sleep on the trees, I'd skip every crowd But I wouldn't fit on my therapist's couch God, I could really use him now

probably ep1 of WildLife

I wish I was God, I'd never trip up And if I did, well, so fuckin' what? I could be cruel and break all your stuff Yeah, I'd be loved no matter what

pov grain angst

grain is on super windy mountain top surrounded by watchers crying, pleading to them

But if I was God, it'd get kinda weird 'Cause you would only say what I wanna hear And then you would die, you'd love me to death I never know who the hell I am

grian is surrounded by purple light wings and eyes becoming at least in part, a watcher

I wish I was me, whoever that is I could just be and not give a shit Hey, I'll be whatever makes you a fan 'Cause I don't know who the hell I am

cut to peaceful tranquil plains, all of them jn a circle at beginning of life series laughing joking shaking hands hugging (set em up for emotional damage)

One, two, pandemonium

black, black, PAN DE MONIUM

cut to destruction of server only using reds browns and blacks showing carnage this series has brought (and yes ofc player has died messages will appear in the corner as if in chat)

One, two, pandemonium

im thinking each line will be each of the series in chronological order

Here I go again

One, two, pandemonium

Here I go again

One, two, pandemonium

One, two-

Here I go again

cut to beginning of ?wild life? they all have scars when their final kills have been, some look tired some look determined

if you end up making this animatic if you want to put me in the credits as like 'inspired by' :3 but honestly idc that much. but you HAVE to tell me if you post one bc i will watch the hell out of that

#god i need more tags

[ghostyeyestohide]

Just The T(hree)wo of Us

(I Put A Spell On You Part 3)

Pairing: Terrance (Foe) x Valerie (Plus Size Black Fem OC) x Junior (Foe) x Hen (Foe)

Warnings: SMUT, 18+ (MINORS, SCROLL AWAY), buildup (if you got the attention span of a squirrel, DONT READ), threesome, bxb, oral sex (f receiving, m receiving), titty sucking/fondling, bisexuality (from m and slightly, non-sexual from f), deepthroat (m and f), smoking, double vag penetration, masturbation, choking, ass eating , some femdom, some masdom, grinding, some slapping, dirty talk, praise kink, hair pulling, creampie (Terrance to Valerie), voyeurism, cussing, aftercare, drinking, drunk/high behavior, some jealousy, some angst, mentioning of upbringing (how they met), mentions of sexual harassment, mention of blood, and Non-Canon/Canon.

Parts: Part One • Part Two

Summary: After eating dinner, dancing with each other, and putting Hen in bed to rest from her drunkness, the remaining trio spend time together when things take a steamy turn.

A/N: It’s here. My version of the perfect threesome that should’ve happened for Foe. This was the one I was looking the most forward to because literally, despite the ever-growing homoeroticism tension between the men (which anyone who watched or read this felt) and just the chemistry we got between Aaron, Paul, and Saoirse, we got nothing. I felt like we got blue balls because how do you film that and not give us the gay shit or the bi shit? Also, some of the scientific things in here might be confusing, but this is a fanfiction after all. Hope y’all enjoy it!

🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲

do not copy or repost my work. I do not authorize it.

🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲

The couples eat quietly at the table, saying a few words to each other. A few quick glances, drinking some of their wine, some laughter, and utensils move around.

Junior sips his wine as he looks at Valerie, clearing his throat.

“So. Valerie.” he says, making her look at him.

“Yes?”

“I know this is your last night here and we do appreciate you for staying with us in our home, even if we didn’t make you feel like it. But, we were wondering…”

“How did you two meet?” asks Hen, butting in.

“Me and…”

“Terrance.”

“Oh! I thought you meant me and your husband! Got a little worried there.” she said, making everyone laughing.

She clearly her throat as she looked at Terrance, who was patiently waiting for her to tell it.

“Well. What’s a romantic story without a sad background, right?” she smiled a little, grabbing his hand to hold as everyone nodded.

“I’m originally from New York, as you can tell since this gorgeous man is very British.” she chucked. “But yeah. I was born there, but I’m not sure whether I was born in a hospital or on the streets because from what they told me, I was abandoned a few hours later in Inwood Hill Park.” she added.

“Oh my god.” said Hen, clutching her chest.

As she was about to speak again, Valerie feels her chest heating up, causing her to gently rub it.

“You okay?” asked Terrance.

“Mmhm. I just feel a little funny when I tell this story.”

“We can stop if you want.”

“No, no. It’s okay.” she said, squeezing his hand. “But, because they couldn’t find my parents, specifically my mother, I was placed in foster care. Not that I have an interest in finding them now cause I really don’t care. I bounced around a lot growing up. Some years, I was in Washington Heights. Other years, Harlem. And for the last three years of high school, Jamaica. A neighborhood in Queens, not the country, in case you got confused. But, because of this, my grades weren’t that great, but I still managed to pass for the year and that was fine with me. I knew I wasn’t going to college not because I couldn’t afford it, but I didn’t really think I had a future.”

She takes a sip of her wine as she carefully grabs one of Terrance’s hands and place it under her stomach, signaling to keep it eye on it.

“I was also picked on a lot for how I looked. Classmates, friends, roommates, even strangers. Same story you probably heard about any plus size person getting told about their health, compared to animals, statues, cars, food, even books. But that wasn’t bothering me as I got older. It was when they were saying no one was gonna love someone like me, no wonder your people abandoned you, you’re a failure, and like those kind of mean things. That’s like something you can’t get really get rid of and you just gotta hide it in your face or they’re gonna think you’re weak, even if you know that’s not true. As soon as I turned 18, I noticed I started getting treated differently.”

“You did something good?” asked Junior.

She shakes her before taking another sip, feeling the sensation growing a bit, making her feel a bit uneasy.

“Maybe I shouldn’t drink more of that.” she mumbled, pushing her glass towards Terrance, who takes it.

“Did you wanna change your…” he asked, signaling her tab.

“Mmm. Not yet. It’s not….messing with me.” she replied before clearing her throat. “Sorry, where was I? Oh right. When you become legal, I guess most men start paying attention? I mean, I was always getting that, but always rejected it since I was underage and didn’t want to deal with an older boyfriend like some girls unfortunately get groomed into doing. I had a boyfriend who was treating well until he felt like he can do better and just abandoned me. And of course, it was getting worse as I was getting harassed, stalked, and degraded almost every day that I had to quit so many jobs so I can avoid it. Of course, this was annoying my group home a lot since they felt like I was lazy when I’m just protecting myself?”

The sensation began winding down as she shifted in a her seat, fixing her posture.

“This went on until three months before my 21st birthday. The day after I quit another job, my friend told me that this post Columbia graduation party was looking for waitresses to serve drinks, offering $7.50 per hour + tips to work, as long as you were 21 and above. I declined because I wasn’t that age and of course, she knew I was gonna say that because she immediately pulled out a fake I.D. with my face and fake information on there. So now, I can’t say no!” she said, making everyone laugh.

“Oh, you sound like you loved trouble.” said Hen, smiling at her.

“Hen!” said Junior, irritated at her comment.

“It’s okay, she’s not wrong. It’s New York after all. Hope y’all get to visit one day.” said Valerie as she took a sip of her water.

“We get to the party, dressed in our black tie, white dress shirt, black slacks, and black shoes uniform. It was starting off fine because everyone was behaving well, socializing, congratulating each other, you know, just being proud of finishing their degree. But like three hours later, almost everyone is torn up. Like, once all of the adults and responsible people left, the hard drinking, dancing, making out, joking around shit started. It was slightly getting bad that we had to secretly switch the alcohol out with water so we weren’t responsible for anything that happens.” she continued.

“I went on break finally. And as I was sitting in an area where we were allowed, this group of drunken male graduates came up to me. I already knew what the hell was about to happen, so I was preparing to get away. The ringleader, as I like to call him, started harassing me and was like show your tits, I’ll pay you a $1000 to see em and was waving the money in my face. I almost gave in, but I knew better, so I said no and got up to leave, but his friend immediately shoves me back into seat, hovering over me. They beginning degrading me, saying I’m just a big bitch who shouldn’t have standards since I’m not worthy, probably waiting until someone richer than them picks me, and basically the I’m a nice guy monologue that Hen would probably know so many different versions of.” she said, looking at her.

“Oh, please. We’ll be here all night.” she replies.

“See! She knows the feeling. As I’m getting bombarded….this tall, beautiful guy comes up, cursing them out. Telling them to fuck off, you don’t wanna try me, I’ll whoop your ass in what I thought was very old New Yorker accent and they went finally away, ending the tormenting.”

“I can’t believe you really thought I was from there.” said Terrance, gently pulling her into him.

“I mean, you did sound like you could’ve been raised in Hyde Park, but then again, it was late. But, he made sure I was okay, ask what was my name and we talked for very long time, very into everything I was saying. How he was from South London, was on a scholarship here, and now, just got his bachelor’s in bioinformatics, with a minor in space studies. Which told me he was the real deal. And he was starting at OuterMore very soon, working on the then-developing living in space program. Then I got kicked out.”

“What?” said Hen.

“Why?” asked Junior.

“The guys complained and I was late from my break. So, I didn’t get paid. However, he came out, apologized for what happened and walked me home. He paid more than what I was suppose to get, but I didn’t want to take it at first. Kept telling him I wasn’t one of those girls, but he reassured that he knew that, giving me his number to call him.” she said, rubbing his face.

“She was very nervous. I guess she was worried I was wasting her time, just trying to smash and go like they were calling it, but I wasn’t. Most of the women I’ve dated had everything they worked that most successful men were looking to have on their arm. But me? I was just looking for someone that will make me happy, regardless of what they brought to the table. We went on a few dates to places she never been to, went shopping for new clothes, took her to do things she always wanted to do. All to see her smile, feeling the love that she always wanted.” said Terrance, rubbing her side.

They both looked at Hen and Junior, who were connecting very closely to the story they’re hearing, sitting closer to each other.

“I can remember the day I moved out of my group home. Or, should I say, kicked out. They were upset that I was, once again, seeing Terrance for another date instead of getting another job that I got accused of being his sugar baby, which didn’t make sense as Terrance is only three months older than me. So, I fought one of them.” she said, laughing at the last part.

“She called me crying, telling me what had happened and I told her she can’t stay there much longer. So, I drove over there as fast as I could and helped her move everything she owned into the car. She got her file, which had her birth certificate, social security card, and other documents that were very important and we left.”

“Were they fawning over you when you arrived?” asked Hen.

He scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“…it was fucking pathetic, Hen. Really. I told her not to hang up as she was packing whatever she could while I was on my way, and the whole time, they were insulting her. Saying the most disrespectful things over an assumption they made. But when I showed up, the energy changed. Oh wow, you’re cute, this is the guy Val’s been seeing?, you don’t need her, you need me like absolutely pathetic.”

“I moved into his place and we stayed in, order some Indian for take out. While we were eating, he asked me what do I see myself doing if this relationship went further, saying it’s okay to be honest….so I told him the truth. I didn’t want to work at all. I just wanted to be a stay-at-home wife and mom, taking care of the house, cooking since that’s what I like to do, cleaning if its needed, crocheting, reading, just being home while he worked. And, I broke down crying, feeling like I wasn’t the girl he wanted to be with since I have nothing remotely close to his achievements to offer. But instead of confirming it, he kissed me, saying he didn’t care about me not having shit. He just cared about being in love with me and bringing me along his journey with OuterMore.” she smiled, eyes begin tearing up.

“About three days later, I got a call from my supervisor. He said he wanted me to begin working with them as an agent immediately instead of continuing to be their associate, being impressed with the work in my portfolio. After I accepted the offer, I went to this jewelry store she liked and bought her dream engagement ring.” he said, looking at her and the ring on her left hand.

“He proposed to me at Inwood Hill a few hours later. Saying after six months of dating, listening to my past for hours, and thinking about the future I see for us, he decided that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, wanting to take care of me and our family. I said yes, obviously. Then, that Thursday of the week, after buying our wedding bands, we eloped at a courthouse in lower Manhattan. I wore this creamy silk dress with a white fur sleeve, sparkly white pumps, natural makeup, a side part that the Hollywood Divas had, a red lip, and matching diamond choker and earrings. With these gorgeous red buds as my bouquet.” she says, staring into the distance.

“And I wore a black suit and black shoes, not wanting to outshine her.” he adds, making them both laugh.

“We went to Miami for our honeymoon. Had so much fun being in the sun and going to salsa clubs. Then, we headed Cleveland, where he started the work on the program.”

“And now here we are. 8 years later.”

“Still going strong.” she said, hold her hand up to look at her engagement and wedding ring.

Terrance smiled, gently placing his hand with his band over hers. Hen watched them, fascinated by their love story while Junior looked at them with a puzzled look on him face.

“Is there a reason you haven’t welcomed a baby yet?” he asked, skepticism filling his voice.

Terrance sends a glare, stiffening up. Valerie looks at Junior, panicking in silent as she fights the urge to not reveal her true self. She squeezes his hand, hoping to calm down.

“I work too much.” said Terrance, relaxing his jaw. “I always wanted to have kids when we are ready. But, because I’m too focused on my assignments, I don’t wanna bring in babies if I’m not gonna be there for them. Or her.”

“Well. I hope you do have some. You two would be amazing parents.” said Junior before he gets up and walks out, stunning everyone.

“….did you say something wrong?” said Valerie, finally calming down.

“No. Let him be. He’s probably going back to his old self slowly. Which is normal for replicas to do when the real one is coming back.” said Terrance, looking down.

“I wanna apologize about what I said to you yesterday, Valerie. I shouldn’t have assumed that you were using him when I was just reacting negatively to how both of you loving each other while….me and him can’t do the same. What I said came from a place of hate and I’m sorry that I even said it.” said Hen, with an apologetic look in her eyes.

“…I accept your apology. But let me just tell you this as a way for you to understand: if it can’t get fixed after it’s broken….just let it go.” said Valerie, sending a small smile to her.

Hen nods shakily, understanding what she meant by that. Valerie wipes her face before standing up, fixing herself.

“Dinner was delicious, but Ima go change before I eat some of my cake. Don’t be greedy while I’m gone.” she said, kissing Terrance’s forehead before heading towards the stairs.

“Baby, wait.” he mumbles, following her.

“Hm?” she says, turning around to face him.

He steps closer, wrapping his hands around her waist, before placing a long, sweet kiss on her lips. She wraps her hands around his neck, kissing him back. She breaks it, catching her breath as he smiled, resting his chin on her head.

“Just because I’m in your embrace, it doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. Well, at least not yet. Understand?” she says, letting go of him.

“Yes, ma’am.”’ he replied quietly, watching her walk up the stairs.

“….you really do love her.” said Hen.

“She’s all I have. And I’m all she has.” he responds, walking back into the dining room, and picking up their plates before heading to the kitchen. Hen takes a swigs of her wine before getting up to do the same thing.

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Changing out of her dress to a black, silky wrap dress that enhances her chest by pushing them up, she stands in front of the bathroom mirror, taking in her beauty.

Looking down, she unzips a black pouch and opens it up. Inside, its holds full and empty tabs: mini bullet shaped tablets, covered in the ‘OuterMore’ logo and serial numbers, that holds a light green liquid, specialized to keep her up and running without ever going bad. She changes it monthly since that’s how long it lasts, getting a yearly supply.

Picking up her magnetic tool, she places it on her upper left tricep, watching it connect to a spot, which lights up a glowing, white ‘OuterMore’ circular logo before it opens, sticking out a bloody covered empty tab. Using a cotton pad, she pulls it, disconnecting it from its hold. feeling the pressure releasing. Picking up a new one, she groans as she inserts it, feeling it connect before the circle sucks it, closing it.

Afterwards, she cleans the empty tab before placing it in the pouch and zipping it, washing her hands before walking out of the bathroom. After closing the door, she turns to head back down, but is stopped as Junior stands in front of her, leaning against the wall. She puffs, giving him a stern look.

“Whatever you’re about to say, I don’t wanna hear it.” she states as she turns.

Junior grabs her arm, gently pulling back and pinning her against the door. He steps into her space, breathing hard.

“If you mention it to Hen, I swear….”

“You swear to what? You’re gonna hurt me? Reveal that I got turned on by you watching us fuck like an audience member watching a play? Because he already knows and if anything, it makes him want you even more.” she said, tracing over his face.

Junior, alarmed by her reaction, steps back slowly. She smiles evilly, leaning forward.

“This isn’t over. This is just the beginning.” she whispered, glaring at him before heading downstairs.

Junior leaned against the wall, trying to figure out what she was meant by that.

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Junior walks into the kitchen and grabs a beer. As he grabs a seat in the dining room, he overhears a song playing in the living room.

He looks and sees Hen sitting on the edge with a glass of wine as Valerie was eating some of her cake. They were watching Terrance, smoking and drinking, walk around the room as he began to recite the lyrics of the song playing:

I did not become someone different

That I did not want to be, as he walks to where Junior was watching, smoking his blunt before blowing the smoke out and putting up his fist.

But I'm new here

Will you show me around?, he said, looking at both Hen and Valerie.

“Maybe.” Hen replies in a flirty way.

“Watch it.” said Valerie, looking at her. Hen throws her hands up in a surrendering way as Terrance starts walking towards them slowly.

No matter how far wrong you've gone, he says, posing in front of them.

You can always turn around, as he nods with the blunt positioned in front of him, making all of them laugh as he takes another hit.

Met a woman in a bar, as he blows out the smoke and takes a seat between the women, sitting slightly closer to Hen.

Told her I was hard to get to know, as Junior walks in, taking a seat in one of the chairs across from the trio.

And near impossible to forget, as Valerie looks at him.

She said I had an ego on me, as Terrance leans in her space.

The size of Texas, as he kisses her neck, surprising her, who hits him in his chest, making him and Hen laugh.

Valerie grabs his wrist with the blunt, hits it, and blows in face before kissing him passionately, both fighting for control before she breaks it, chuckling on his shoulder. He smiles as he leans near Hen, who is slowly getting even more drunk as Junior watches, having an invidious look on his face.

“Ready?” asked Terrance.

No matter how far wrong you've gone, as him and Hen sang, with the latter mumbling it.

“Yeah..go..1, 2, 3, 4.” he whispered, holding an invisible microphone in front of her.

You can always turn around, as the trio sang happily, smiling and giggling.

“Wow, we’re all fucked.” said Valerie as she nibbled on her slice.

Terrance lets out a laugh as he places his glass on the table before leaning back and smoking. Valerie sips some of her wine as she gently rubs his thigh, making him send her a lustful look.

And I'm shedding plates like a snake, as Hen gets up, placing her glass on the table.

She does a playful hissing and snake hand motion towards Junior, who gets up to get away, but she pulls him back, begging him to stay. They spin for a moment as Valerie and Terrance, now laid out on the couch, watches.

“That’s it, man!” said a gleeful Terrance as Hen begins to kiss on Junior’s neck, making him blush. He looks at Valerie with an itch in his eye before leaning close to Hen’s ear, face dropping.

“I don’t want you two talking about me anymore.” he says loudly, but Hen ignores, still rubbing and kissing on him.

Terrance chuckles as Valerie watches with pity, feeling very bad for Hen in this moment. Junior begins kissing back, but she slowly begins to pull away, mood becoming sour.

“Hey, that’s it! That’s the spirit!” said Terrance, not understanding what’s going on as his eyes are half closed.

“Don’t make this even worse, baby.” said Valerie, sipping more.

Hen angrily walks off, leaving Junior alone with his embarrassment. She goes to their music box in the dining room and cuts the song abruptly, snapping Terrance out of it.

“….what happen?” he asks, looking at Junior, who looks back at him.

“Your hardheaded subject is a fucking mood killer.” said Valerie as she got up with her glass, walking to where Hen was.

Terrance watches her in a confused manner as Junior stood there, said nothing. In the dining room, Hen is finding the next song as Valerie appears next to her.

“Hey. Are you okay?” she asks, placing her hand on her shoulder.

“I’ll be fine. He’s just cranky.” said Hen, still searching.

“You have got to stop excusing him, Hen.”

“Val, please. I don’t wanna…”

“Just find the song.” she said, slowly becoming irritated.

After a few more minutes of searching, she finds the song, pressing play on it:

“Oh, I love this song here!” Valerie exclaims, slowly moving to the beat.

Hen walks to where the wine bottle was, pouring the remaining inside her glass, and drinking it. She joins Val, dancing along to the beat.

“What happen?” Terrance asked again, looking at Junior, who is also dancing slowly.

“Ah, fuck it.” he replied.

“You didn’t like us singing?”

“No.”

Terrance lets out a laugh as Junior continues dancing, not paying him no mind.

“Oh, you’re in for a good time.” he mumbled, drinking out of his glass.

The women begin dancing with each other, doing a couple’s routine.

The boy could sing, knew how to move, everything, as they spanned.

Always wanting more, he'd leave you longing for, as they dipped.

Black velvet and that little boy's smile, as they sang.

Black velvet with that slow southern style, as they span again.

A new religion that'll bring ya to your knees, as Valerie turns Hen forward, bringing her close and places her hands on her hips.

Black velvet if you please, as they grinded slowly into a semi-squat, surprising Hen.

“Oh, so you get down like this?” she asked, standing up with her. Valerie laughed, gently moving them back and forth.

“Only if the men stopped dancing. Or if I’m attracted to you.” she replied, turning her around to face her.

Hen makes a giddy expression, wrapping her hands around her neck.

“So you’re saying I have a chance?” she asked curiously, making both of them smile.

“That’s only if you actually want to be with a woman. And based on everything I know about you, you don’t have it.” she replied, spinning them around as Hen gasped.

The way he moved, it was a sin, so sweet and true, as they span.

Always wanting more, he'd leave you longing for, as they dipped.

Black velvet and that little boy's smile, as they sang, off-key this time.

Black velvet with that slow southern style, as they span again.

A new religion that'll bring ya to your knees, as Hen turns Valerie forward, bringing her close and slowly creeping her hand around her neck

Black velvet if you please, as they grinded slowly into a semi-squat, with her gently squeezing it, making Valerie smirk.

“Liked the response, but you’re still not selling it.” she said, causing Hen to scoff as both women laugh.

Suddenly, they hear someone clear their throat. As they looked up, they see Junior leaned against the frame, staring at them with an exasperated look. Hen, scared of what he’ll do, steps back but falls after her dress catches the ledge of the chair.

“Ow!” she yelps.

“Wow! Two in a row for mood killing, Junior.” said Valerie as she kneels to help her.

“Oh, don’t act like you wasn’t just grinding on her!” he yells, now angry.

“It’s called dancing with each other to the vibe of the song, which sounds like you don’t quite understand!” she said, helping Hen up.

Hen groans, rubbing her head. Junior rolls his eyes, not saying anything before walking into the kitchen.

“I think I’m done for the night.” she mumbled, now sleepily.

“Want me to help you to bed?” asked Valerie.

Hen nods, putting her arm around her waist as she does the same. They began walking, passing Junior on the way out as Valerie looks at Terrance.

“Baby, can you be a good boy and bring Hen a slice of the cake, maybe two ibuprofens, and a glass of water?” she asks as they head up.

“Yeah. I’ll be up in a second.” said Terrance, getting up to walk to the kitchen.

Junior, drinking another beer, watches Terrance take out a plate and slicing a piece of the cake, plating it before grabbing a glass and filling it with water from the pitcher. Placing the glass near the plate, he examines the cabinet until he find the ibuprofen bottle and shakes out two pills, placing them on the plate.

“You’re fine with your wife dancing on mines like that?” Junior asks, breaking the silence.

“We been kissing behind their backs for months.”

“So? That doesn’t make it okay.”

“I guess you two are almost even.” he replies, grabbing the plate and glass, walking towards the stairs.

“And I’m suppose to carry on while you’re not even mad?!”

“Junior.” he says, turning to look at him. “She’s attracted to women. Always has been. I know her type. Hen’s not one of them.”

He continues walking, with Junior’s tensive gaze following him.

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Gently placing Hen in bed, Valerie moves over to let Terrance place the glass and plate on the nightstand before he goes out, closing the door behind him.

“Alright. When you wake up in the morning, you take at least one pill. If it’s even worse, take both. Eat some of the cake when you keep waking up. Helps with the nausea.” she said, placing the cover over Hen as the latter watches.

She gently traces over Valerie’s chest, making her breathe steady before removing her hands away. She leans forward, gently pushing Hen’s hair back.

“Hen. Don’t get me wrong, you are a beautiful woman. But, I know this is not what you truly want. You’re just doing this to get back at him for what he did tonight. Or you’re scared of the real Junior not meeting your needs when he comes home. Remember what I told you to do.” she states, looking at her.

She kisses her hands before getting up, walking to the door.

“…I don’t want him to go!” Hen cries out, sniffling.

Valerie sighs, turning to look at her.

“Then spend enough time with him tomorrow. At least you get an extra day alone with him. Try to treasure your memories before they take him.”

“And you feel nothing? Not even a bad feeling?”

“Like I said…..I’m used to it….I’m used to everything.”

She stood there, thinking about everything she’s witnessed since becoming a life long replica of Valerie. While there’s always the good moments, the bad ones seem to be the ones that stay in her mind as they shut them off after their final goodbye.

“Good night, Valerie.” said Hen, slowly closing her eyes.

“Good night, Hen.” she replied, walking out the door.

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As Valerie walks to her room, the door of the room, that Junior and Terrance were in earlier, opens. Terrance pops out, looking at her.

“Hey.” he says.

“Hey.” she says, smiling a little.

“Did you want to come and sit as I examine Junior?”

“Examine? Ain’t it a little too late for that?”

“Yeah, but……he seems a little…..tense. And I think you and I can help him with that.” he says, gently pulling her close.

“….are you insane? I thought you wouldn’t violate your policy, putting all of us in jeopardy!” she said, pushing him back. He laughs, pulling her back.

“We can erase it. It’s not hard and only takes 30 minutes. I can do it tomorrow after I take you home. Plus…”

He trails off as he places kisses on her neck, making her tense up, heat rising all over her.

“You admitted to him watching us. So Why. Don’t. We. Punish. Him?” he says in between kisses as he rubs her breasts.

Valerie laughs, moaning quietly as she rubs Terrance’s length through his pants while looking at a very shirtless, drunk Junior, who’s facing the wall, back towards them.

“Fine. As long as I’m in control.” she replied, walking into room.

“Always.” he whispers, closing the door behind him, which startles Junior.

“What the fuck, man?” he asked, turning to look at him.

He stops, looking at Valerie, who winks at him before taking a seat on the bed. Terrance walks over to a box, retrieving a small device dot as he turns on the control system, which detects breathing, water intake, and heartbeating.

“Valerie is going to sit in if that’s okay.” he says, looking at Junior.

“Yeah. That’s fine.” he replied, still looking at her.

Terrance walks over, standing on his right as he turns him forward while Valerie lays across the bed.

“Hold your arm up like this.” he says, gently lifting Junior’s arm up.

“Have you two been drinkinnnng?” he asks drunkly, holding the arm up.

“I think we all been drinking.” replied Valerie, making all three of them laugh.

Terrance places the dot on his armpit, looking at him while pressing it down to seal it. Junior looks at him, a glare in his eyes as Valerie watches.

“Is something bothering you?” he asks.

“Mmmm.” as he shakes his head.

“…I can feel it in you.”

“No….its more like an awakening.” he replied, lifting his left arm up.

Terrance nods, removing his hands as he turned to grab his glass of wine off the nightstand, walking back to the box as he signals Valerie to ask the next question on the paper next to her.

“And how has this awakening affected Hen?” she asks, making him turn to look at her in a discreetly manner.

He laughs, letting out a strange sound as Terrance watches.

“….are you working with OuterMore too?” he asks.

“What makes you think that?”

“Asking questions about Hen. Suddenly showing concern for her? Was that story you were telling earlier planned? Did he tell you to do that?”

“Oh yes. I faked everything for sympathy, especially for the one who’s trying to save their marriage.” she replied sarcastically, making Terrance laugh.

“You’re fucking sick. Him being here and asking questions about her is sick, you’re being okay with it—“

“Back at square one.” she mumbled.

“Everything is just fucking sick with you two.”

“Look, she was just wondering as it’s apart of the questions. You don’t have to be rude about it.” said Terrance as he places a bracelet on Junior’s left wrist.

“What is that?!” he says, looking at it.

“It monitors your hydration. Does she tells you what she likes?” he asks, handing Valerie a glass of water.

Junior looks at him, very confused about the question as Valerie scoots to lay against the railing, retrieving the water.

“…what’s that?”

Valerie chuckles, sipping her water as she knows where her husband is going with this.

“…your wife, Junior. Is she open and honest with her preferences?” asks Terrance, who’s voice goes a little deep.

“About what?”

“Come on…you know….fucking.” he replies with a delicious lustful tone on the last word.

Valerie groans a bit, slightly becoming aroused by his questioning as Junior, who is slowly becoming annoyed but turned on, stares at him.

“Is she explicit about what she likes?”

“You’re sick.” said Junior.

“What she needs.”

“Fuck you.” he said, giggling as Terrance continued.

“Every relationship depends on open and honest communication, you know that.” he says as he sits down in his chair.

“Oh, fuck you.”

“He’s not hearing it at all.” said Valerie, now rubbing her leg.

“It’s fine. Its fine. It’s just a conversation.” he says, giggling along with Junior, who now stares at the both of them.

Junior slowly gets up from his chair, turning it to face forward, before sitting down, keeping an intense glare on Terrance, who matches his energy.

“..do you enjoy playing with us?” asks Junior.

“People fascinate me. You-you two fascinate me.” said Terrance, looking at Valerie, who is now sitting forward.

“Is that how you keep your marriage alive?”

“….I listen to her preferences. Her needs. Her orders. Even if she doesn’t say it explicitly.” he replied, not taking his eyes off her.

“Oh. So you’re not the one in control.”

“Never was. And he wanted it that way.” said Valerie, getting up.

“Oh really?”

She nodded, gently tracing Terrance’s arms as she slowly walked around him, making him lick his lips.

“He was bored of being in control while making love, felt like it should be an equal thing that shouldn’t be looked down on. So, I asked him what did want me to do.” she says as she stands in front of him, facing Junior.

“….what did he say?”

“Bark orders. Tell him what to do, choke him, tease him, slap him, punish him, was into degrading until I got a little uncomfortable, and my favorite: denying him of release.” she says as she sits on his lap, feeling his length poking at her.

“Does he know you like being watched like a fucking whore would?” he asks, looking at the both of them.

Valerie chuckles as she begins kissing Terrance, grinding against his length, which makes him let out a few groans. Junior looks away, moving his hands to cover his now growing length. Terrance breaks the kiss, looking at him.

“She already admitted that when she told me you were there the night I was fucking her against the couch. The same day you got on your knees and sucked me off while Hen was out.” he said, making Junior look at him in an appalling way and Valerie laughing, getting up.

She knew they kissed a few times, but Junior blowing Terrance, even though he hates them? Oh, this just makes this night even more interesting and exciting for her.

“….I thought you weren’t real. Assumed the wife thing was just him lying about his attraction.” he confessed, looking at her with a pathetic look.

“So that’s why you were out there? You were hoping he was really alone so you two could fuck and Hen wouldn’t find out. Tsk tsk.” she replied, taking a swig from Terrance’s wine glass.

She gently tracing over Junior’s chest, taking in everything she just found out just in this moment. She slowly sits in his lap, hearing him wince as her ass rubbed against his length as Terrance looks on, gently rubbing his own.

“You know, baby…..you did a good job choosing the first man, I’ll give you that. But him though? Oh, you definitely wanted a brat to fuck.” she says, hearing Terrance chuckle.

“First man? You guys are open?” asks Junior.

“No. We’re almost that, but it was just me bringing home women I wanted to fuck and sharing with him. I don’t know what’s it called, but it’s that.” she says, wrapping her arms around him.

“You do this with all of your subjects? Risking your job while lying to their partners?” said Junior, getting heated.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t go along with it when you’re the one who made the first move.” said Terrance.

“Please. How many men have you said that to?”

“You’re the first one. I made sure to never hook up with any of the female subjects, wives, or girlfriends as a way to protect his job. Hell, I didn’t think he would actually get attracted to a man ever. Until he got assigned to you. And suddenly, you started to pop up in his mind…”

She begins moving her hips against his clothed length, making Junior hold in his groans as Terrance becomes even more aroused.

“He probably was thinking about you while he was fucking me. Imagining you twisted all up on the couch, stroking yourself as he pounds that attitude out of you, basically dominating you as you moaning under him.” she said, gently sucking his neck.

“My god, y’all are sick.” he whispered, groaning at the sensation of her essence soaking him.

She stops abruptly, making Junior hold a scowl at her. She removes her arms, placing them at her sides.

“So push me off. Since you hate it so bad. Be a real man like you are.”

He looks at Terrance, who is waiting for him to make the next move. Looking her up and down, he takes in her beauty, understanding why Terrance chosen her as his wife. Who wouldn’t want to be with this beautiful woman forever?

Looking down to where the string is, he pulls it, which unwraps and opens her dress, exposing her breasts and underwear. He removed it, tossing it to the side as he looks at her breasts, salivating at the roundness and hard nipples. He gently touches them until she raised his arms up, holding them hostage. She smiles at him, leaning in.

“You’re gonna obey me and Terrance. Which means no touching, including yourself, no fucking unless one of us tells you to move, and no disobeying. Understand?” she said, leaning over him.

“…yes.” he nodded, locking eyes with her.

Valerie motions Terrance to come to them, which he does. She gently pulls him down to her, placing a sloppy kiss on his mouth before turning back to Junior, who watches hungrily. She traces his mouth with her fingers before giving him a sloppy kiss as well, with him slightly fighting back.

“Don’t get too greedy, baby.” whispered Terrance, rubbing her back.

She pulls away, moving to the side a bit as she pulled Terrance to Junior, backing up to give them space. The men hesitated for a moment before embracing in a kiss, with Terrance wrapping his hand around Junior’s neck. She carefully slides out of Junior’s lap, walking to get a sip of water.

Terrance breaks the kiss, breathing very hard as he smirks at Junior, lust consuming the both of them. He picks him up by the neck, almost having him off his feet and suffocating him.

“What do you want to do with our toy?” he asks, looking at her.

She sips her water before walking over them, rubbing Junior’s face. She tugs at his pants, unbuckling them and removing it, leaving him with a growing tent in his underwear. She touches it, making him flinch before kissing his cheek.

“I want to see how he blew you. Wondering if he did a good job.” she said, kneeling down to her knees.

Terrance moans, letting Junior go and begins removing his clothes. Valerie motions Junior to kiss her on the neck, in which he does as she gently slides her hand into his underwear.

“Wow. You’re very hard and submissive.” she mumbled, gently stroking his length, making him moan quietly.

After throwing his underwear to the side, Terrance stands in front the duo, stroking his length as Valerie removes her hand, gently wrapping it around his length.

“Ladies first.” said Junior, making all three of them laugh.

Moving herself in position, she engulfs him into her mouth, earning a loud groan from Terrance. She grabs Junior’s hands and places them on her hair, signaling him to hold it. She continues sucking him, gently massaging his balls as she strokes the rest, keeping her eyes up at Terrance. Junior watches intensely, feeling warmth growing inside of him.

“You wanna make Hen happy? Let her take control in the bedroom.” said Terrance, groaning immediately as Valerie takes him out, catching her breath.

She moves back, letting Junior get in her position. Terrance lifts his face up, tapping the side of his mouth to signal ‘open’, which he does, sticking his tongue. He taps his tip on it, rubbing it for a few moments before sliding into his mouth, using his head as leverage as he begins fucking it. Junior, taken aback by the move, placing his hands on his thighs to push back, but receives a hard slap on his ass from Valerie.

“Put them down. Just breathe through your nose and keep your balance.” she says, pushing his arms down.

Terrance begins moving his hips forward, carefully going a sluggish pace as Junior tries to keep his balance, but pulls away, coughing very hard. Valerie laughs, standing next to him.

“Watch me.” she says, inserting Terrance’s length back into her mouth, but removing her hands.

He resumes his pace, with the sounds of her slurping and gagging filling up the room. She stops him, catching her breath. She gently strokes him as she guides Junior to his length by his neck.

“Do what I did. Just without falling or choking.” she whispers, inserting Terrence’s length into his mouth.

Junior focuses on breathing and keeping himself up as he matches his aggressive pace, hearing him moan loudly as he hits the back of his throat a few times. Valerie watches, aroused by him pleasuring her husband with his mouth.

Noticing how close Terrance was to his release, she removes his length from his mouth, making him exhale hard. He leans down to kiss her passionately before doing the same to Junior.

“Where do you want us next?” asked Terrance, looking at Valerie.

She points at the bed with her head before getting up to lay on it. The men followed, each sitting on one side of her: Junior on her right and Terrance on her left. She pulls the both men into a big kiss before moving each one to one of her breasts, in which both begin to suck, nibbling a bit.

“Fuck, that feels so good.” she moans, rubbing their heads.

Terrance begins kissing down to her pussy, rubs his hands over the lace as he looks up at Junior, who is now fondling her other breast with his hand.

“Baby, can you blow him for me as I devour you?” he asks, tracing Junior’s shoulder.

She nods as she gently removes him from her breasts, lies down on the bed, with her legs opening up for him as she ushers Junior into standing up in front of her. As she pulls down his underwear, his hard length bounces out, making her let out a gasp.

“Oh, you been waiting…” she says, wrapping her hands around it, gently stroking and placing kisses on it, making him close his eyes and groan at the sensation.

“Eyes on me, Junior.” she said, sliding her underwear down as Terrance removes it, propping her legs on his shoulders before licking her slit, making her flinch.

“You’re tense, huh?” he asked, looking at her before sucking her clit.

She lets out a few moans before engulfing Junior’s length into her mouth, stroking the rest that couldn’t fit. She places one of his hands on one of her breasts, signaling him to fondle it as Terrance inserts two fingers inside, gently plumping in and out of her.

The sounds of Junior’s moaning, Valerie’s gagging, and Terrance’s slurping fills the room as both Junior and Valerie feel their release building. Valerie pushes Terrance’s head down deeper as she gently massages Junior’s balls to add to the feeling.

Just as Junior was almost close, she releases his length from her mouth, watching it move up and down as the latter catches his breath.

“Is this what y’all meant?” he asks, falling next to her on the bed.

“Mmmhmm.” is all she could get out as Terrance sped up his pace, rubbing her clit while licking it.

After letting out a few more moans, she came very hard, wetting more of his face with her essence as she shooked under his hold. Letting out a pop! sound, he gets up, wiping his face before sucking off his fingers. He leans down and kisses her, biting her lip in the process.

“What’s our next order?” he asks.

“I want…I want you to fuck him.” she said exhaustively, tapping Junior’s leg.

Junior laughed before turning on his stomach, getting on his knees as Terrance retreats to retrieve a condom. Valerie looks up at him, who looks down at her.

“Remember: just breathe and don’t lost your balance…..unless the pain doesn’t simmer.” she said, touching his face.

He nods as Terrance returned, with a condom wrapped around his length and lube. He fixes his position, placing a pillow under his chest as he arched Junior’s back a little more. Lightly slapping his ass, he squeezes some lube on his hole, spreading it with his tip, watching it clench a few times.

“You begging for me real bad, huh..” he mumbled, gently poking at it.

“Don’t do that…..you’re gonna make me cum quickly.” Junior whines, trying to pull away, but receives a hard slap on his right cheek, making him let out a muffled yelp.

“Fix your posture. Don’t make me tell you again.”

Junior obliged, moving back towards him as he lined himself at his entrance. Holding his hips with one hand as the other inserts his length inside carefully, they both let out a loud groan, with Terrance leaning himself over him.

“Breathe, breathe, breathe.” whispered Valerie into Junior’s ear, rubbing his back as he let outs harsh breaths.

Terrance moved his hips a bit to fill in more, making Junior tense up bit. He pulls out, kneels down and begins to trace his hole with his tongue, giving him good licks, making him press backwards.

“Fuck…” mumbled Junior, not used to feeling this amazing pleasure, but it being done by a man. Boy, he hopes Hen never finds out about this.

Valerie gently kisses his back, locking eyes with Terrance, who is very focused on stretching Junior out. He stops, pushes him back gently, and re-inserts himself, this time fully inside. He begins a canny pace, smacking his ass with his pelvis.

“Is that the best you can do?” he asks, looking slightly at Terrance, who has an animality look on his face.

“You want that?” he replied, smiling with an evil smirk.

“…do it. Don’t be a pussy in front of her.”

Valerie’s jaw drops, holding in a laugh as she removed herself from his back. Oh, he definitely set something off in him because suddenly, Terrance grabs his neck to pull him towards his chest and begins going at a rapid pace, thrusting very hard.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” is all he could get out, feeling Terrance squeezing his neck hard, grunting loud in his ear.

“That’s it. Submit. To. Me!” he says, shoving Junior down to the bed, continuing his brutal pounding.

Junior’s moans fill the room as he fills himself building up again, clenching around him.

“It’s too much, please.” he whines, trying to push him back but gets his arms put in a hold, making him let out an evil laugh.

“Nah, be a good toy and taking it like a good one should.” he says, slapping his ass a few times.

As Terrance gives him a few more thrusts, he pulls out, preventing him and his own release and falls into the chair. Junior winces, once again being denied as the men catch their breaths. A few moments later, he gets flipped onto his back, feeling a condom being wrapped around his member.

“What’s next?” he asks weakly.

“Turn on your side.” said Valerie, pecking his nose.

He does so, placing a pillow under him as Valerie lays in front, her back facing him. She grabs one of his hands and places it on her rib as she moves the other one under her leg, hooking it. She takes his length and inserts it in her pussy, both letting out groans.

“Match his pace. Don’t go too rough.” she said, moving his hand to her neck.

Junior begins thrusting his hips in a snappily motion, his balls slapping her lips. She lets out a slew of moans and gasps, gently rubbing her clit. He squeezes her neck tightly, picking up his pace.

“You like that? Being fucked in front of your husband after he just got done fucking me?” he whispered, earning a audible moan from her as he locked eyes with Terrance, who is stroking him.

She turns her head to passionately make out with him, with him continuing his thrusts. Unknownst to them, Terrance gets up, lays behind Junior, and re-enters from behind, making him groan and stop.

“Nah, don’t stop. Come on.” he slaps his ass. “Continue.” as he thrusts into him.

Junior resumes, matching each thrust as he hits Valerie’s sweet spot consistently, making her let out some tearful moans. Terrance smirks, placing wet kisses all over his shoulder.

“There you go….fighting back a bit.”

“You close?”

“No. You?”

“Almost. She can’t stop clenching around me.”

“She’s close too.”

Valerie laughs hoarsely as both pick up their pace, sloppily thrusting into each other. After a few more thrusts, the trio all cum simultaneously, with Valerie shaking and squirting under Junior as both him and Terrance fill up their condoms. All catching their breaths as Terrance removes himself from Junior, with the latter removing himself from Valerie.

“..We..we’re not done, are we?” asked Junior, looking between the couple.

Both shake their heads, making Junior chuckle weakly. Terrance gets up, grabs a sip of wine before removing his semen filled condom, tossing it in the trash. He picks up Valerie and places her on top of Junior, gently reinserting his length inside of her.

“Fuck.” she whined.

“Hold still.” said Terrance, fixing their position.

Then, he inserts himself inside her, making her groan and shoot up as Junior gasps, not knowing they were both gonna fuck her inside at once.

“Wait, doesn’t this hurt?” Junior asked in a worrying tone.

She looks down at him, tears in her eyes. She shakes her head, smiling at him with a mesmerized expression. Oh my god, we broke her he said in his mind.

“No. He just remembered a fantasy I told him about.” she said, before turning to give him a kiss.

Terrance kisses her back before turn her forward, pushing her down before he started to pound her, earning some vulgar sounds from her that mixed in with her wetness. Junior watched, seeing her enjoy being dominated as she’s on top of him.

“Hey.” he said, lightly slapping Junior’s face. “Just because I’m up doing my job, doesn’t mean you can sit back and enjoy. Start moving those hips.”

Junior obliged, pumping his hips upwards as she wrapped her hands around his neck, keeping her balance up. Terrance grabs her hair, making her arch her back.

“Look at you. Taking me and him very hungrily. You wanted this to happen, didn’t you?”

“Mmhm.” she said, earning a hard slap on her ass, making her yelp.

“When I ask you a question, I expect an answer, not a sound. So let me ask you again: you wanted this to happen, didn’t you?” he asks again, giving her deep thrusts.

“Yes! Ever since that night he was watching us!” she responded, squeezing Junior’s neck, making him moan.

“Look at you two. Both sharing me while all over each other. You think I wouldn’t notice?”

“No. No, sir.” said Junior, grunting as he feels himself getting ready to release again. Terrance smirks, leaning forward to topple over Valerie, speeding up his pace.

“Good job, toy. Now help me make her cum again.” he says, kissing on her neck.

The men continuously hit Valerie’s sweet spot, making her clench and moan loudly as she eagerly attempts to keep up, but failing as her body started to tense up.

Junior pulls out, removing his semen filled condom to stroke himself, doing this until his expletive filled release came, shooting on him and Valerie’s thighs. Terrance’s luscious release follows behind, releasing his load deeply inside, making Valerie meet her euphoric release a few moments later.

The trio kisses each other one last time before collapsing on the bed, catching their breaths. After a few minutes, Terrance get up and walks out of the room, leaving the door open to hear water running from the bathroom. Coming back in with a bowl and towels, he gently wipes both of them, getting rid of the sweat and fluids that are all over their bodies before doing it to himself. Valerie looks at Junior, who begins to fall asleep.

“….we wore your ass out, huh?” asked Valerie, rubbing his face.

“Mmhm.” he said, slowly falling asleep.

Terrance lays next to her, kissing her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her.

“How you feel?” he asks.

“Pleased. Exhausted. A little worried she may have heard us.”

“She won’t know. And he’ll forget when I erase the memories. This only happened between just the two of us.”

“Or three if you wanna be technical.”

Terrance smiles before kissing her, falling asleep as Valerie looked at the door. She thought to herself what if she was actually listening and is planning to snitch, but erased it from her mind, thinking we can say she was very drunk and probably imagined it before falling asleep.

🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲

A/N II: Its been a really rough week, so I’m glad I finished this. Before someone asks, no. Black Velvet did not play in Foe. I just don’t know the name of the song Hen puts on after I’m New Here.

Part 4 (the Finale) will be out mid-month as I am too depressed from the elections to write it. Stay safe everyone, especially the ones living in the red states/about to suffer if you international. And go to hell if you voted for him!

Taglist: @urfavblackbimbo @blyffe @literallegendicon @kimuzostar @aaronpdaily

[bucked-it-up]

I finally have some time and think about what happened in the episode and also in a way this season as a whole. This is probably going to be a ramble mess and I’m sure i will get some info incorrect as i am mainly doing this off of memory, i also haven’t fully read the post episode interviews but i know the gist of them. Now with that disclaimer out of the way I’m gonna just blurt my feelings out.

One. I want to start that personally for me the season has felt off from the beginning but particularly from after the opening episodes, i felt like the pacing was off and disjointed. I enjoyed the episodes don’t get me wrong but yeah something just has felt off for me writing wise, everything seemingly has been resolved quicker and easier than i think anyone thought it would be

Two. Might as well get into the meat of why i am rambling about my feelings. 806. Well it was certainly an episode. The miceli bucktomy scene that we have all looked forward to since we knew it was happening just immediately felt off. It was their 6 months? But yet Tommy seemingly got buck a present that didn’t fit what he has said about basketball at all in the past and to me felt dismissive as i was watching it. Buck taking a picture of the girls felt odd to me the tension about it idk just wasn’t for me but that part of the conversation could have led to interesting turmoil and lead to more stability. The Abby of this part. My first reaction was Ew. I was never one for the spec that Tommy was Abby’s ex never felt right and didn’t click but I would’ve been okay with it if it was handled differently. Tommy felt dismissive towards why Abby would be upset about a 2 year Relationship where they were engaged, like she had every right to be hurt and react maybe in a way you didn’t expect or like. While this led to a good speech from josh and gave buck the information he needed to know he would be happy in the relationship even if tommy had been with Abby and he understood why tommy did what he did or at least accepted it.

Three. The Break Up. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT! They both express a want for a long term relationship and tommy decides that no that’s not what buck wants? And it also feels like it goes against him wanting a family somewhere to be and they were showing that he was becoming a part of it in 805. Just what was the characterisation in that scene? They weren’t the buck and tommy i know. Him saying buck? Like fuck you writers. You could have written a break up in so much more of a respectful way, handled it so much more respectfully not apparently doing 805 the way it was just to make 806 hurt worse. You had such a beautiful peace of representation on your hands and you just fucked it up.

Four. What i know of about the interviews. As said above ive not read them. I’m not in the right place to right now but i do know the gist of them. Why do you want buck’s character development to just fall back to season 1 buck, Oliver? Why? Tell me why it would make sense. Buck has shown longing for a long term relationship from the first hook up of the show. He didn’t sleep around after Abby who was his first transformative relationship as he said and tommy was he second major one again something that buck said. So why Oliver would he choose to fuck around? Why?

Five. The Eddie and Buck scene at the end. I will admit i didn’t properly watch it because i was too sad and that scene felt like someone had just rubbed a whole load of salt in the wound. I find out then from my friend that they had buck come over to eddies while he’s doing that pantless dancing and has shaved. Feels like bvddie ship bait not gonna lie. Would buck go to Eddie after a break up? Yes he would they are best friends why wouldn’t buck go there. But why couldn’t the scene be different, have it come at it from a different way.

Six. I dont know if I’m going to carry on watching the show, i have no nope for bucktommy coming back but if you do I’m really happy for you sincerely i would like some of that hope tbh. If i do watch it i will probably watch it after hearing spoilers.

Finally, I’m not reading this through so pls ignore any small mistakes but if you do want to correct me on something please do it kindly and politely. I love you all, my inbox is open if you need to rant somewhere and please take care of yourselves.

[bequiteanddriveeeeeee]

Hi tumblr. My esteemed knowledge and experiences has led to, this and I am far from pleased.

Since this was requested on this blog, and most o you dont follow my main I’m posting it here, I feel like I am confessing something to you.

It is rather short. And, of course NSFW. So, be warned in that, their might be (probobly are) some spelling or formatting errors, this was just a quick one shot and didn’t need me to fix them plus I dont care so,

Here’s my trump x Biden smut shot im going to kill myself now. Goodbye.

 Joe grabbed his flabby orange disgusting petulant face and spat on it. “You think that with your money you could afford to fix that fucking mess? Is there something wrong with you or were you just born that way? No amount of spray tan can fix that fucking mess and you know it” His mouth twisted into a scowl of utter disgust. Like the ex-president was a lame dog who had just drooled on his expensive coat tails.He had backed the man up against his podium, and with the stage lights off he looked rather ghoulish. “And you talk like your hot shit” he barked a laugh “I can see the after effects you use puddle around your face, so can everyone else. I might be old but fuck at lest I’m not a poster child for the obesity epidemic.” 

  Trump slipped “What the fuck has gotten into you? Has your dementia gotten to the point of aggression already? Jesus Christ get the fuck off of me” The president’s grip only tightened around his cheeks and Trump saw a animalistic hunger in the older man’s eyes he hadn’t seen before. It wasn’t the dull greed for power or the flaccid look of what should be hatred  in the absent man's eyes. It was the first time it actually looked like someone was awake behind them. 

  It was a look of terrible lust, the way they darted across his face like he was in a fever state looking at prey. He looked like a young man again, and with that fucking grip he felt like on too, Trump really didn’t think he had it in him.  

  “I think that fucking kid that helped me on dosed it wrong, I should have peaked at the fucking debate I would have distroyed your ass, but that can still happen” Trump looked at him with a look of disgusted apprehension. “What the fuck are you talking about?” 

  “I take a cocktail of stimulants, and that idiot didn’t time it right” he said in no less desperate of a tone. “Usually it just pumps me up and all but with nowhere to put that energy well I..” he trailed off and the ex-president snarled a lip at him. “Are you kidding? At your age you still manage to get it up?” The president rolled his eyes “Not without some help, no”

   “You are just so-“ he let out a frustrated sound, part growl part sigh. “Fucking frustrating, your childish name calling, your stupid tight looking ass god I-“ He bit his tounge. “You what?” Trump said the words with a reclusion, he couldn’t have heard him right, right? 

“I just want-“ Trump inturupted “Oh just like always you can’t get a sentence out sleepy J-“ 

“I just want to fuck you!” He yelled, probably a bit too loud but he wasn’t really in a state to care. The other man’s orange face slowly replacing its hue for a more reddish one. “You want to fuck me-now-here? How l-“ Biden grabbed both his arms dogging his fingers into his fat flesh, leaving dimples in his suit “Yes” he hissed. 

  The tension from the debate hadn’t had its come down yet and Trump found himself leaning against the podium for more support than he’d like to admit, huffing a bit to himself. He found a pool of warmth trickle its way down his body and settle around in his groin, a deep restless pulling feeling getting more and more apparent.

A small moan wormed its way through his lips, “Please-fuck, my wife she, she dosen’t touch me like she used to, its been so long since” he stopped. Biden grinned “Why don’t we show her how to fuck you? Huh? Were always asked to ‘reach across the aisle’ right?” He took a grip off of Trump. Biden dug around in his suit pocket for a moment and produced a cell phone. “Why don’t we show them?” 

                                -

Pushing him up against the podium further and kicking his legs apart at the ankles with his boot, pinning the two of his arms against his back and roughly snaking his belt out of its loops. Crudely unzipping his pants and putting the free hand up his shirt. Groping his man boobs, tearing his nails down the rest of his sternum and he exited his clothing. 

 He unzipped his own pants just enough to pull out his own hard phallus, pressing the tip against the top of the younger man’s ass, giving it a few ruts back and forth and marveling at the depth it would reach inside him. 

  He pulled his tie off, making him gag with the way he disrobed him. Using it as makeshift cuffs, binding his hands behind his back. Trump’s wrists burned at the pressure and he struggled some in it, which only egged the other on. Biden yanked his head back with a snap, small tears forming in their ducts. Forcing him to face his pathetic reflection in the phone’s screen which sat on its perfect vantage point on the podium. He was nowhere near the man he was, the one he claimed to be. 

“Now smile for the American people whore” 

[syndrossi]

Dont talk to me I'm trying to process the latest chapter it was a lot😭😭 everyone made me wanna cry. Jon so fiercely trying to protect his father (and brother), jon confronting the king, the rhea feels!! Him wanting to hate her but feeling guilty a part of him loves her and that redfort jon relished in her love bc he was so deprived of affection!! 😭😭😭 the cat and Robb parallels! Ghost feels!! The baelon and aemon shadow/ghosts were SO present this chapter. How jon is soooo much like daemon even in his internal thoughts 😭😭😭 jon noticing the similarities between viserys and daemon and how viserys probably took care of daemon when they were younger and they probably got it from THEIR dad! Uwah gonna cry. And then you've got daemon seeing rhaegar die in aemon's place and that mixing in with his canon death broooooo that's a lot. Daemon scaring and hurting rhaegar 😭😭😭😭 dude ik he's thinking about aerys rn😭😭😭😭😭 and poor caraxes something is messing with their rider and interfering with their bond but he cannot do anything about ittttt😭😭😭

There was so much cute moments at the start of the chap with jon and rhaegar playing detectives and debriefing and then rhaegar excitedly sharing his dragon discoveries with their dad and their dad reading to them in HV (and then translating after for jon cute) ik he was relishing being able to have a story time with his kids🥺🥺🥺

Anyways this chapter made me feel a lot. This is all so very convoluted I hope it makes sense rnwjsjw I just love it sm

This chapter sure was A Lot™️, wasn't it? I made sure to throw in the sweet moments at the start to offset (enhance?) some of those punches later.

The Rhea feels honestly caught me by surprise when I was writing the Jon+Viserys scene. They sort of just--bubbled up to the surface. Jon's been trying to suppress Jon Redfort's emotions/memories for a while now, and it's hard when so many frightening/painful/awful things have happened to both of them. And Jon is particularly attuned to a child being treated differently/poorly by a mother figure, except he's on the other end of it this time, so there's that added complexity of seeing himself in Raymar, both the loved and the unloved, that he has to deal with.

(Also my heart was breaking in two for little Raymar, who wanted so desperately to love and be loved by Rhea in return. It's not that she didn't, it's that it was much more difficult for her, and when you're a twin, that inequality is so incredibly obvious. It hurts and they had no Ned to give them at least one source of parental affection.)

And then the rest of the breakfast scene...I think Viserys kept going back and forth between seeing Baelon and Daemon in Jon, though more of Baelon in the end, with Jon laying it out so adamantly what his duty as a brother was. And of course we got the inevitable Viserys-Daemon friction in those moments when Jon most reminded him of Daemon. It's a shame that Jon's tough love isn't really what Viserys needs to mend things with Daemon, because the problem isn't that Viserys doesn't love Daemon (though him not protecting his own brother, especially where Otto's insinuations are concerned, is certainly a flaw), it's that he's shit at expressing it and reluctant to trust Daemon enough to explain things.

(It's hard to explain in narrative format where Jon was sitting/where Daemon always sits, but it's basically at the end/"head" of the table, while Viserys usually sits at the end of the side facing the window. And that detail killed me a little when I realized it, because that's where I've always written Daemon sitting in his scenes there with Viserys, and it's so obvious why. Viserys seats him in an inverted version of that during their supper the first night in King's Landing, with Viserys at the head and Daemon to his side. It's the closest Daemon can get to being his brother's Hand.)

...I'm realizing as I'm writing this that I should probably be throwing this in the DVD commentary, but oh well, I can copy-pasta it there later.

I've been calling the Daemon-trance scene a low-grade horror scene for Rhaegar, because imagine that from his POV, especially given his history with Aerys. He's operating at maximum Aerys-mode for a while, reading Daemon at speeds enviable by modern CPUs so that he can figure out how to defuse the situation / "fix" him before any (unintentional) harm is done. And the parallels with Aerys's paranoia is incredibly uncomfortable, even if he understands that Daemon is suffering under an outside influence.

Meanwhile, Caraxes is all: GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF HIM, wishing he could pick Daemon up and cuddle him until the sorcerer scent is completely gone. (He's had to deal with his own version of that before, of having his bond with Daemon tampered with, and it's even more upsetting from the other side!)

And you made perfect sense! There was just so much to process.

[msbunnat]

I can't understand how someone could look at hera (esp your design of her) and cheat.like HOW did Zeus fumble the wife? And the fact she hasn't divorced him.like home girl you can find a loyal man

So! Lets go another big reply ;w;

We first need to understand that ancient greek marriage was a totally diferent thing them now days. It was based in class, power and agreement with your partner. In some contexts it was totally normal the husband have comcubines and affairs with slaves, as well as in pederasty the act of intimacy was not seen as cheating because it was with education proporse.

Zeus and Hera were the perfec couple, they loved each other and both were the ideal of marriage. Zeus love Hera and had his ways basically, because he was a man and this behavior was normalized; and Hera love and was loyal to Zeus and her role in the marriage was also to protect their position as king and queen.

I'm still a little lost, like there re some pieces that I still havent figured out. But today I found out that pre-colonial Hera once was marriade to Heracles (my theory is that Heracles marry Hebe in post-colonial helenims because she is a side of Hera - as the young bride - it makes sense to me that before marriage you re a bride). This helped me to finally decide on some aspects for my comic.

I will be honest and probably wrong, BUT, I think Zeus was also loyal to Hera in the misoginistc context that was the myths we have found, because he never replaced her. This super wrong saying that "the guy can have other lovers, but he always return to you." Its also good to remember that Zeus affairs were also methaforical and with more meaning tham a mortal one! And when I remmeber that he also had divorces before Hera in some versions (its said he had six wives), make me belive in their relationship. They both can divorce, but they dont want to. Its hard to accept it today and this is amazing, but before.... it was just how things probably worked. Not to mention a lot of myth saying how they were the perfect couple and they loved each other to much. We can joke about it and all now, i dont mind that, but sometimes its good to remember where all this stories came from, context matter so much to understand ancient gods. I had difficult to finally change my mind and see that they really loved eacht other, if they were a now days couple, Zeus probably would spread goodness in other ways. But on ancient times, this method was okay back them and used on myths to tell a lot about marriage, how to deal with potencial thread to the throne, how behave as wife.

EDIT: even now days gorgeus women re cheated! Way more beautiful and charming them their partners, because beauty has nothing to do with cheating. This behavior is a lot more complex to resume, but I will say its basically other power play where the one cheating probably feel good about doing a 'bad' thing and a lot of other possible reasons...

I think this is one of my worst english texts, so if no one understand it........ sorry kkkkkk I try again tomorrow maybe -w-

[themostlesbianever]

ITS THAT TIME AGAIN ALL MY 9-1-1 THOUGHTS IN ONE POST

(i forgot to do this until the tommy started talking about how his ex ran off with someone half her age)

- okay but we knew maddie would want another kid

- i predicted it

- NO WAY TOMMY DO NOT SAY IT

- TOMMY IS NOT ABBYS EX

- NO

- FUCKING

- WAY

- OH MY LORD THEY ACTUALLY DID IT

- bless you

- bless you

- damn

- OH MY LORD THERE GOES HIS INTESTINES

- hihi spilled his guts

- ahw ur shirt is ruined☹️

- hen screentime crumbs😋

- i will eat up every single hen screentime crumb i can get

- (every screentime crumb where she is at peace/happy)

- that is crazy maddie

- HOW MANY MEN SHE TURNED GAY😭😭😭

- hihi josh fishing for tea

- i love josh the gossip magnet

- oh now buck is doubting tommy

- lets not

- oh buck baby

- so i think tommy had a gf just to have one, like because of his surroundings and shit, but its good he broke it off before marriage, he definitely should have before an engagement tho

- also i just KNOW people are gonna throw shit at tommy for this and im not excited

- the dreaded c word care

- "i CARE about good sole support"- hen (i think that was the line)

- JOSH I LOVE YOU

- oh josh babe you are so right

- YES JOSH

- SINGLE HANDEDLY ENDING TOMMY HATRED

- well people are still gonna hate but like, hes so right

- tommy had it so much harder and did things to protect himself he definitely isn't proud of and now it looks bad because a lot of people dont have to do tjose things to protect themselves anymore

- "do you want me to read you a story" oh maddie i love you

- not 9-1-1 but someone is setting off HELLA fireworks and its not even fully dark yet

- i HATE fireworks, yeah theyre pretty but theyre torture for ao many wild animals AND me

- back to 9-1-1

- did it almost kill maddie??

- oh wait yes, not the pregnancy and birth but after

- oops sorry maddie

- hard times for madney😔

- STOP CHIM NO MAKING ME CRY

- uh oh maddie is worrying

- RIPPED TANK TOP EDDIE

- YOURE SO GAY EDDIE

- OMG HOT PASTOR

- FUCK BUDDIE I NEED EDDIE x HOT PASTOR

- "no offence im straight" BOY!!?!????

- no you aint

- yes father but he could be your daddy

- IM SO SORRY I CANT SAY THAT

- oh god therapy time

- yea eddie you dont feel worthy of juice

- very handsome moustache

- OH MY GOD IS EDDIES MOUSTACHE GONNA BURN OFFF??

- PLEASE PUT IT ON FIRE JUST ENOUGH SO IT CANT BE SAVED

- "do" something that makes you feel joy, how about DO a man and make some realisations about yourself babes

- WORM

- would you still love me if i was a worm

- dont be a baby man he is a baby

- jack😔

- "a billion tons" STOP THATS ADORABLE

- eddie you are NOT going down a pipe again

- YES LITTLE MAN

- whats with this season and little hero boys

- they actually put a kid down the pipe omg

- please actually save this kid my lord this is stressful

- GET HIM

- YOU CAN DO IT MILES

- WORM

- WE ARE WORMS

- BE A WORM

- HELL YEAH

- chim is 100% telling maddie he wants another kid now

- hen you are adorable oh my lord

- tommy ur so adorable

- uh oh

- UH OH

- this has got to be the hurdle

- HES THE HIMBO

- that is SO crazy

- look at them being all open and having a cute little talk

- UNTIL NOW

- IS THIS AN I LOVE YOU MOMENT??????

- ahw tommy

- WOAH

- HELLO MOVE IN YES

- MORE GAY

- oh youre doing to much buck

- so sweet

- OH

- TOMMY STOP WHAT

- it is new

- tommy youre very right actually you are his first

- tommy is actually so right because buck is moving too fast

- buck isnt ready himself like he figured out he was bi like a week ago (not literally)

- WHAT NO YOU DIDNT

- god damn it the bucktommy haters got what they wanted

- fuck off so many buddie fans are gonna be so miserable and annoying

- OH HE CALLED HIM BUCK

- i hope we get to see more tommy

- like he comes back sometimes for a rescue or for advice for chimney or something

- WOAH CHIM NO TALKING ABOUT DEATH OVER HERE

- maddies eyebrows are so expressive i love it

- OMG WE KNEW THIS

- PERGANT

- BOMB

- ahw cuties

- OMG MIRROR SCENE

- they gave us literally like everything weve been talking about

- oh eddie what are you doing

- PLEASE MAKE CHRIS COME HOME AND WALK IN ON THIS

- wait no that would mean more trauma

- this man is CRAZY

- someone has a GOT to walk in on this no?

- oh maybe buck being all sad like "my hot boyfriend broke up with me☹️"

- i really hope IF they make buddie happen they dont do it yet, maybe next season because its too soon for both of them to be dating

- no walking in but there is someone there

- eddie put on some pants man

- it is sad buck

- ☹️

- i am not excited for all those insufferable buddie fans/ bucktommy haters to come and hate on tommy for every single line he said

[impending-day]

ive taken the time to assign each limbus company sinner with an attunement from the arcane ascension series! i know theres probably like. zero people who care but i had fun so im gonna share my reasonings

yi sang - illuminator

faust - analyst

don quixote - architect

ryōshū - swordmaster

meursault - shaper

hong lu - illusionist

heathcliff - cloudcaller

ishmael - wayfarer

rodion - mesmer

dante - chronomancer

emil sinclair - purifier

outis - commander

gregor - shapeshifter

full explanations under the cut! :3c

yi sang - illuminator

mana types : water, light

composite mana : peace

faust - analyst

attunement function : creates beneficial passive effects such as resistance to mental corruption and magical attacks

i would think she gets this after the whole n corp thing and cherishes it a whole lot. maybe she is double attuned with an enchanter attunement, making her more likely to pursue the inventor path, but tbh idk if thats necessary, given the illuminator attunement is from caelford [which is known for being technologically advanced].

mana types : umbral, mental

composite mana : secrets

don quixote - architect

attunement function : gathers knowledge relating to sensory information and understanding how things work on an intrinsic level

for faust, it was either a diviner or an analyst attunement. i went with analyst though, since diviners focus on gathering raw intel while analysts do in-depth analysis on the fly more often. and i also like how the compound mana type is 'secrets' mana, i feel like that fits her very well, considering her in limbus and her source novel.

mana types : umbral, perception

composite mana : dreams

attunement function : imbue power into objects that are stronger than permanent enchantments, but only last a few days

thanks to canto vii just dropping, i think this one fits nearly perfectly! maybe she would be double attuned; i can see her also having one combat-focused attunement too. dream mana, temporarily enchanting objects... it all fits so nicely...

ryōshū - swordmaster

mana types : fire, enhancement

composite mana : dawn

attunement function : enhance the abilities of weaponry as well as enhance physical strength

for ryoshu, it was either soulblade or swordmaster. up to change depending on how her canto goes. i do like the fire mana, though. fits her ego nicely. i just wanted something to do with her sword tbh

meursault - shaper

mana types : earth, enhancement

composite mana : density

attunement function : manipulate solid material into different shapes at a moments notice

i was less certain on this one tbh, mainly because we dont have meurs canto yet, and i dont know that much on him personally. havent done any meursault deep dives. but i think the whole 'shaping solid material thing' could work really well for his fighting style, especially if he had a hand-marked attunement. shapers prefer having free hands to fight im pretty sure. oh and him having density mana is kinda funny to me sorry not sorry

hong lu - illusionist

mana types : light, perception

composite mana : sight

heathcliff - cloudcaller

attunement function : creates large scale illusions, complete with sound and direct mental effects

again, no canto for hong lu, so data is extremely limited. i also dont know his source work at all. im just going off whats already been said, like his whole 'illusion' theme and his jade eye [hence the sight mana type].

mana types : air, water

composite mana : rain

attunement function : create weather events and insert spells into them

did somebody say wuthering heights... no... oh well he has the wuthering heights attunement. thats my whole reasoning. storm boy gets storm attunement

ishmael - wayfarer

mana types : air, mental, transference [tertiary]

composite mana : communication

rodion - mesmer

attunement function : long distance communication and teleportation; tertiary mana type is granted earlier than other attunements

i added transference to the description cause wayfarer is the only attunement with near immediate access to it. the rest take a while to build up to. anyways ishmael gets wayfarer mostly for the whole compass theme. i couldve given her wavewalker but i didnt feel like that fit her very well. and i think this attunement would mess with her head a bit. imagine she couldnt communicate with the pequod crew despite her communication focused attunement, but somehow she felt they were still out there... i just think thats a cool gimmick i could play with

mana types : death, perception

composite mana : madness

attunement function : alter the memories of others to make the user seem like a background character or less important than they actually are

forever cursed to be a background character! in every mirror world!! this one is so cruel but i love it. forced to always be forgotten and overlooked due to her attunement... sorry girl but i gotta stay somewhat canon with it

dante - chronomancer

mana types : perception, transference

composite mana : time

attunement function : unknown, only theorized

i really love this one tbh. out of all the sinners, dante is the only one to have a restricted/theorized attunement! the rest are all regularly found within the world. and it makes sense with limbus lore, too; dantes head is a singularity! so even if the chronomancer attunement isnt real, if limbus company was within the world of arcane ascension, theyd probably do something similar to the god-beast attunement project and just. make the chronomancer attunement themselves.

emil sinclair - purifier

mana types : fire, light

composite mana : purity

outis - commander

attunement function : neutralize mental and physical attacks, can also do decently at giving single-target fire or light attacks

two functions for the two-faced creature... on one hand he can stop damage from affecting him so much, on the other hand he can dish out a lot of damage. didnt want him to be too attack-heavy or support-heavy, because he does Both, and i thought this would be a nice compromise. also kinda references kromers whole 'puritan' thing which i think is cool.

mana types : fire, umbral

composite mana : war

attunement function : increase the range at which spells can be cast

the functionality isnt something i think fits her too much? but then again no outis canto to reference. anyways i chose this one cause it has war mana! war mana!!! for the war criminal! i think she would thank me for this /j

gregor - shapeshifter

mana types : earth, perception

composite mana : alteration

attunement function : create contracts with nonhuman creatures in order to change the users body to reflect the creatures

this is how i make the bug arm canon btw. literally chose this just so the bug arm could still be canon. turn into a bug boy. turn into a bug.

[lady-raziel]

hilarious that with each new day that passes a new bit of dirt from JD Vance's past gets discovered and plastered over the internet...it's almost as if this is why presidential campaigns have always announced their running mates well before the convention...so that if glaring issues with a candidate came to light quickly there would be time to replace them on the ticket before they were officially locked in...it's almost as if certain things in political campaigns were done for a reason, donald...because the very same critical failures had happened before...but no i'm sure you and your guys attempt to recreate a fantasy version of history while ignoring all the reasons that history was a disaster will work this time...because you are built different and the 10000th time trying fascism will work like a charm...

[luck-of-the-drawings]

OOH YEAH BABY ITS THE SURGERY EPISODE BABY!!! ME AND THE HOMIES NEED SOME NEW FACES FOR OUR NEW PLAN, AND WHO BETTER TO GET THE JOB DONE THAN THE TWO MOST EVIL PEOPLE WE'VE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF HAVING OUR LIVES VIOLATED BY? I MEAN IT WOULD BE FUNNY. IT WOULD BE FUNNY.

[moeblob]

Sorry I forgot Hanneman suggested Byleth undress after they show up with a different hair color. And I miss Hanneman. And also while swapping between Houses and Hopes and seeing Hanneman pop up to help in a Hopes paralogue is just devastating since he doesn't ever actually join you at all and I am denied my old man rights.

So I had to draw this. Thank you for understanding.