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technowoah · 4 years ago

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Cant Handle This

Quackity's facade keeps breaking, and he tries to keep the pieces together. You're the only one who can make him show his true self

- Quackity x gen neutral reader

- this is a long one yall.

Now playing...

Can't Handle This (Kanye Rant)

Bo Burnham

0:01 ─●──────── 3:29

⚠︎ swearing, angst, mentions of mcyttwt, based on the song above, and ofc its not proofread

Part of my Inside Special!

Quackity sat in his chair currently streaming right now, he seemed like he was having a good time from your spot on his bed. You were currently laying on his bed after he invited you here to relax.

You two had laid in his bed just enjoying eachothers company until he got a call from Tommy saying he was ready for the lore stream which sent Alex into a frenzy. Alex sent out a quick "Im sorry" about the lateness of his stream and then quickly set everything up.

He then started to stream which left you alone on the the bed to your own devices. You were scrolling through Twitter looking at Alex's fans talk about what's happening on the stream and posting screenshots of his character and himself.

You admired him from afar as he ended the lore part of his stream, he took time to type on his phone to text you that he decided to stream longer to talk to his fans. He looked to you and you have him a nod with a smile and he gave one back.

"Hey guys! That's the end of the lore!" He exclaimed to his chat as he types at his computer setting a new background.

You continued to listen to him praise his chat for supporting him and making him be able to make those types of streams. You were always proud of Alex no matter what he did, you were always his number one supporter no matter what happened in reality or on the internet.

"So anyways! I wanted to talk to you guys! How are you all?" He smiled at his camera looking back and forth from his chat.

◇T0mm71nn1t: THE STREAM WAS SO GOOD QUACKITY

"Oh thank you! Im glad I could share this with you. It takes so much to put into these movite type streams, so I know now it is all worth it."

Quackity's pov. . .

He felt so overwhelmed, he shouldn't have began to stream again. The stress of putting everything together, plus being late to the stream made him rush into it more. He just wanted to lay back down with his lover who was enjoying watching him stream, and that's the goal he wants. His goal was to entertain, it was his job and he doesn't want to fail, he doesn't want to crack.

◇Mayatooni3: WE LOVE YOU QUACKITY

◇catiiequak: QUACKITY ITS MY BIRTHDAY CAN I GET A HAPPY BIRTHDAY??

◇yriaaolic: 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

"Happy Birthday!" He said seeing the comment pass in a second. "Happy Birthday to anyone who's Birthday it is today."

Right now it was hard. It was hard to keep up when there was always a constant demand, the constant need to be perfect, his past being brought up, and trying to one-up his content everytime. He loved this, but at the same time it had the same weight as a job.

In the back of his mind he knew the "When is Quackity streaming???" is mostly lighthearted, he never wants to leave.

"Quack are you okay? Im fine! Just thinking about how to get something to eat at 2am." He laughed lying to his fans, he wanted to stop this stream.

He kept looking over to his lover lying their head on his pillow scrolling through their phone and alternating their vision from him and their phone. He always caught a glimpse of their small smile everytime he looked. He was doing something right.

"Do yall think Taco Bell is open? The only problem I have is that Im fucking starving."

He paused for a moment taking a deep breath trying to keep his emotions down. The stress was getting to him, and he fucking knew it, but he didnt stop. He was going to get burnt out eventually and stop streaming and YouTube all together, but he needed this. He needed a break, he needed to take time for himself and stop putting on a happy face when he isnt.

TTS ◇pulixsaxe: "Did you see what was happening on Twitter quackity?"

"Wait what's happening on Twitter?" He asked with a weary laugh.

I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are

Pringle cans, and burritos

The truth is, my biggest problem's you,

Your eyes widened as he mentioned Twitter. Truth be told he was trending because of his stream, yes, but also they brung up stuff from his past again in the wake of another content creator's past or present being brought up. You hadn't paid attention to that, you were only getting fueled up from Twitter bringing up an issue that he already had addressed.

Tempted to speak and tell him its fine, he already spoke up before you.

"I bet it's fine! I dont wanna... I don't need to look." He said with a smile. He always had that smile on.

Either it was a full smile or a half smile. It never left his face and it comforted you somehow. Maybe it was that you were his significant other, but you always wondered if anyone saw the same things as you. The things like his smile that never left his face.

"Yeah! I dont need to look at that." He waved his hand dismissing the comment away. He then sighed letting his shoulders relax as you saw his smile fade and his eyes close for a second and immediately put that small smile back on his face while his eyes were glossy, but bright.

He needed to end this stream soon. You saw his face fall then in a split second come back to life except his eyes were glossy with tears. You wondered if anyone else noticed.

"I want to please you

But I want to stay true to myself

I want to give you the night out that you deserve"

His eyes tearful as he tried to blink them away trying to not make a scene.

"Sorry! Allergies ugh!" He said as he wiped his tears away claiming them as allergies.

"Are you crying? No! Im not a pussy!" He yelled at his chat in a joking manner.

He was crying and he felt weak. He felt emotionally weak, and weak as in not strong, he didn't feel strong and his lover who was sitting on his bed with a concerned look on their face always told him that it's okay to feel weak. The only meaningful thing is how you pick yourself up, they always told him, bur now he felt at rock bottom.

He wanted to give his fans "himself", the goofy, lovable, loud, quick-witted, Quackity. But then again his lover always told him to separate Quackity from Alex. He wanted to give himself to his audience, he wanted to be authentic and share himself, but he cant. Alex isn't all laughs, he is serious, calmer, and when he gets on the screen is when he lets it all out then goes back to his more calmer self. That's not what they want.

"But I want to say what I think

And not care what you think about it"

Giving himself meant dialing back, he wants to tell how hes actually feeling, he wants to say what he thinks about Twitter, what he thinks about certain friends, about his fanbase, and then leave it alone. He wanted to delete social media and then speak his mind without knowing what anyone is saying about it. It was paradise to him, but of course it cant be that way and that's what he hates. He feels like a actor when he really wants to be himself.

"A part of me loves you,"

Alex loved his fanbase, he had such a supportive fanbase that loved his content. Some of them did atleast he didn't fully know, but they gave him the courage to do this time and time again knowing that his content is at least taking them from the harsh reality of real life for a few minutes or hours. This was the reason he did this, for them.

Alex would never admit this but they boosted his ego too, it would for anyone. The fact that there were people who wanted and enjoyed content from him made him feel good about himself.

"part of me hates you"

He hated the contant criticisms, he hates that they feed his ego so much that it makes him want to stream more to feel good about himself and to make people get away for awhile. Alex knew inside of his heart he couldn't truly hate his fanbase, they gave him everything he ever wanted. He hates them for that and that's such a scary thing. He never fails to wonder if he did the things to deserve all the love and hate he gets.

"Part of me needs you,"

They feed his ego, they make him want to go above and beyond. Alex knows that his fanbase is the reason he is here in this chair infront of three expensive monitors. He knows that this is some sort of a job that he needed. He needed the push to keep going and that was them, it was the 200k people watching his stream watching him answer questions about him and

"part of me fears you"

He was fearful of loosing himself to them. Loosing his authenticity to them was something he feared. He didnt want his funny, loud persona to consume him and make him forget about Alex instead of Quackity. He fears what they think as well, he claims he doesnt care, but he does he wants to please them. It feels like two parts of his brain fighting about if he should care or not.

"And I don't think that I can handle this right now"

The text-to-speech bot continued to speak out people's comments that theu paid for while he sat there quietly. He bit his bottom lip trying to not break down infront of everyone he needed to be strong. He needed to be strong.

If he looked up at the camera everyone would see his tears, they would see him breaking.

He played it off as he brough his shirt up to wipe the tears away, claiming it as sweat.

"Im good! Im sorry I spaced out for a second." He shook his head.

He saw you look at him with that same concerned look on your face. As he switched his gaze between you and his computer, he felt his tears come back again.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"Alex." You tried to get his attention.

"Yeah guys Im fine!"

"Alex"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I have plans later for another lore stream, so Ill start doing that later tonight."

"ALEX!" You yelled and his head turned around to face you.

"What?" He laughed, biting his lip again.

You couldn't stop him doing this, you could try to course him into going to bed, but right now you couldn't find the words. You just stared at him while he looked at you with a somber smile trying to tell you that he was okay.

He felt his mind telling himself that he need to rest. He wouldnt allow himself to and thats why he was breaking down.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

Alex was blinking rapidly trying to keep his breathing and tears at bay while he answered his fans.

"My allergies are fine! And I drank water today."

◇moonchild21: WE LOVE YOU

◇sopusand: Why do you look like that?

◇wuackityoo: are you crying??

"Crying is for the weak! I am a strong manly man! Im crying cause I noticed how alpha I am!" He tried to play it off as a "Im a man" joke but you could see right through it.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

You had sent a quick text to Alex which told him to end the stream for his own mental health, but he left the message unread. He began sniffing and the wiping his eyes again. It was a wreck and you couldn't seem to stop it without literally dragging him out of his chair.

Meanwhile the screens were getting to Alex. Alex's eyes were getting tired of the bright screens and the rapid messages that popped up on the screen overwhelmed him for what it seemed like the first time ever in his strraming career. He wanted to give them the fun night they deserved and wanted, but he knows it's getting hard to. He dosent know how long he can keep this up.

As Alex kept joking around about his eyes and physical state the chat was filled with "LMAO" and "HAHAHA" which fuled him more and then at the same time makes him want to stop.

Look at them, they're just staring at me, like

"Come and watch the skinny kid with a

Steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts

To give you what he cannot give himself"

He cannot give himself the luxury of happiness. As he went on with his career it became more and more like a chore, there was mostly down days and of course there were up days, but recently Alex gave his fans the happiness and laughes they wanted while when he turned off the camera he couldn't replicate that same energy as he had before.

It messed him up, he felt himself become separated from his streaming. He wasn't being himself anymore he was being Quackity and that became more apparent as the days passed. He wanted to be himself on camera and at first thats what he thought he was doing. He was himself then it turned into a persona.

Alex wasn't okay and he he needed to take a break from the internet for a while, but he tries to act like he dosent have a dilemma going on inside of his head everytime he sits in this seat. Its for the fans.

"Think that I can handle this right-

I don't think that I can handle this right-

They don't even know the half of this right-

They don't even know the half of it"

"Alex you need to end the stream. Please?"

He looked towards you again where you moved your position from the middle of the bed to sitting up on the end of the bed.

"Ive told you millions of times." He paused for a moment looking down at his lap before looking back up to you. "Im-Im okay." He nodded trying to convince you.

"But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show

I should probably just shut up and do my job, so here I go"

"Cant you belive them!" He laughed to his camera. You scoffed at his comment but still kept an eye on him as he talked.

You didnt need to baby him at all, but right now you were worried about your lover.

Alex continued talking and talking, which you drowned out. You were focused on his face and how he faltered time to time just showing a small frown.

He laughed and showed them a good time even though he was hurting. He kept going and going and you were convinced he was going to hold out until you heard him sniff multiple times while trying to make a joke about the new Minecraft update and how the glow squid has no use.

"Stupid ass squid! Why- why? Its no use expect for glowing ink. Who voted for that!?"

You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme

And if they still don't understand you, then you run it one more time

"Dumbass squid!" He pulled up a picture if the squid as he yelled at it.

You began to worry even more as you saw tears running down his face. He quickly tried to wipe them away, but he knew everyone saw.

Handle this right

You don't even know the half of this right now

Right now (Haa!)

Now

Handle this right

I'll handle this right, I handle this right now

Alex leaned back in his seat and had a blank stare towards the monitor. Looked down for a second and then you heard sobbing coming from his spot. Alex had his head in his hands and was crying harshly into them.

He had finally broken, he couldn't stop the tears from coming and the loud sobs that came from his mouth. He was trying to desperately breathe in to be able to sob, but ended up hiccuping while doing so.

Your eyes widened as you rushed to him resting your hand on his knees and you kneeling infront of him.

"I cant do fu-fucking anything!" He yelled into his hands.

"Hey! I know. Its okay." You tried to console him.

"Its not I try so hard! And I-"

You cut him off. "You are a hard worker Alex and you deserve a week or two off. Take care of you self babe." You stood up bringing his hand with you and trying to make him stand up. He followed your movements and stood up with you putting his head on your shoulder crying into it.

"I just ca-cant right now!"

"You dont have to do anything right now babe."

"Im sorry!" Alex sobbed.

"Dont be." You said bluntly trying to get your lover to calm down.

You rubbed his back soothingly as he sniffled into your shoulder. "Im sorry for ruining your shirt." He tried to laugh through his tears.

"Dont be sorry! Please. You just need rest okay?" You kissed his forehead and he nodded in response.

Alex raised his head up an started to pepper kisses all over your face as you laughed. He gave you one last peck on the lips as he walked away to quickly change into night clothes. You smiled as he laid underneath the covers and continued to softly cry into his sheets. At least he was in bed and not makijg himself even worse.

He couldn't stop the tears from flowing, it was like a flood that could only be stopped with time. He felt like a boulder was lifted off his shoulders only to be replaced with smaller rocks. The smaller rocks was the guilt he held. He felt guilty of making his lover worry about him, he didnt want you to worry.

You rushed over to his desk and turned off the stream and his computers not even bothering to give them a goodnight or goodbye. After the computer lights were turned off it was quite dark in the room except for small light.

Finally you were where you wanted to be all day, in bed with Alex. But this wasnt the predicament you wanted.

"Forgive me. I just cant do shit right can I?" His eyes were still full of tears and he was getting tired.

"Alex dont listen to anyone but yourself." You tried to console him.

"That's what I'm telling myself."

Silence filled the room as you looked at him through tearful eyes of your own.

"Alex, you're so amazing and I cant even tell you how much I appreciate you, and how much you change my life. You do so much shit right its scary sometimes. Some days I think you're perfect, but there's-"

"There's no such thing as perfect." Alex finished your sentence.

"Exactly! Even the best people have their downfalls, they just dont show it. And Alex I know you struggle with that! All I can say is that I love you for you." You finished.

"Can I talk to you about my dilemmas?" He tried to laugh again.

"Tomorrow we can talk. We both need the rest." You said to him as he closed his eyes and nodded in response. He gave you a kiss on you lips before laying back down to sleep.

"Thank you."

"Thank you

Good night

I hope you're happy"

TRENDING

ARE YOU OKAY

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ARE YOU OKAY QUACKITY?

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mitchmarnier · 5 years ago

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writing prompt masterlist #1

Of course, there’s 75 million prompt lists out there but i figured there’s nothing wrong with making my own. Send me a category + a number + a pairing and i’ll write you a fic. Okay to reblog and use :) (x)

Fake/Secret/Etc Dating AUs:

my parents keep setting me up on blind dates but in reality I’m dating you and it’s so you help me get out of them

i hate commitment but my dad’s dying wish is to see me get married and you’re an old family friend i ran into at the airport on my way to visit him so hey let’s get engaged

you need a plus-one for your brother’s wedding so i’m going as a favor but there’s been a misunderstanding and now your whole family thinks we’re engaged

i’m mad at my parents so i ask you out because they wouldn’t approve of you and you’re well aware that i’m just using you but you agree because you find it funny but hey you’re actually super sweet

there’s this really creepy person hitting on me and i don’t know you but you pretending to be my partner completely saved my ass thanks how about i buy you a drink

we’re just really touchy friends and we get each other gifts all the time but everyone thinks we’re going out and we let them think that but why are you getting upset about me going on a date we’re not actually together?

I’m sorry you always thought your love for me was unrequited but on to more important matters YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED IN THE MORNING SO YOU HAVE A DECISION TO MAKE YOU ASSHOLE!

Our mutual friend apparently has been waiting for us to get together and so they’re very angry/disappointed/upset when they find out that the reason we kissed last night was because we were black-out drunk

everyone thinks we hate each other and we keep that front up in public, so we have hilarious pretend fights and squabbles and pranks

when we were little I accidentally mentioned that I had a crush on you but I always thought you didn’t hear me because you just looked at me weird and never commented but now we’re in high school and omg you just introduced me as your boyfriend/girlfriend/datemate wtf we never discussed this

friends to lovers aus

You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

You want us both to get in shape and I hate working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do for my friends and their nice asses

Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

Celebrity/Famous AUs

listen, you may be a famous (and extremely attractive) guitarist, but that gives you no right to practise on the electric at two a.m when we live right next to each other.

We broke up and I used my feelings to write songs and now I’m super popular and you want me back

we decided to make a fake vlog drama for our subscribers and they all think it’s real but jokes on us we end up actually liking each other

I run a prank channel and you were some innocent bystander I pranked for a video but then it turns out hey, you’re also famous online haha shit

we met and started talking but i didn’t know you were a rising star until i noticed cameras following me wtf

you’re a reporter and i think you’re super cute so i’ll only give you personal interviews to help your career and also get you to talk to me more

I’m a celebrity and I have a secret social media account and we started talking online and now we’re close friends but you want to meet up oh shit

I’m a celebrity and I may or may not be following your blog which is dedicated to me. reading your comments and tags are hilarious and very flattering and I’m somewhat smitten

You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??

wedding/kids/marriage/long term relationship AUs

we’ve been dating forever, and you just caught the bouquet at our friend’s wedding

remember when we were in high school and we swore that if we were still single at 30 we’d marry each other, well hey guess whose birthday it is

i’m a runaway bride/groom and you’re driving my getaway car

I suddenly bumped into you after years and wow you look good but holy crap is that a kid?? since when?

you had a breakdown because the baby wouldn’t stop crying and you kept saying how you weren’t ready and how you couldn’t do it

whenever my kid starts crying I just hand them to you and then they just stop and start smiling

“i’m so sorry that my child pointed out how your shirt- actually nevermind i agree, that shirt is horrendous”

i always tease you because that’s just our thing we tease each other but for some reason you snapped at me and are you okay? what’s wrong?

my in-laws despise me GREAT but around you they’re super nice so you don’t believe me

neighbours AUs

You always complain about how loud I am (whether it be TV, video games or music/musical instrument is up to you) and this is the first time you’ve actually knocked on my apartment door and given me a lecture there rather than giving me a phone call, but I’m not really listening because I didn’t realise I had such a cute neighbour

you never open your door for children on halloween so i always pay the kids to smear your door with shaving cream

my printer isnt printing anymore and my papers are due tomorrow so im on my knees in front of your door begging to use your printer when the old lady from above passes us and thinks im proposing to you

we always run into each other on the stairs but we’ve never said more than hello but when we found out that we both hate the other neighbours, we became friends

i came home drunk and wouldnt stop knocking on your door. when you open i keep telling you to get out of my apartment

after a rough party night i find you sleeping on the stairs but since im still a little asshole all i do is put a blanket over you and a pillow under your head

Please help me, I know you have a kid and my sibling just dropped their baby on me where’s the button to put them to sleep?

I’m stressed and sleep-deprived, please let me pet your cat.

I have really weird dreams and you have really weird dreams so now we’re in this contest to see who has the weirdest dreams.

Strangers/Meet Cute (or meet very NOT cute) AUs

We were sitting next to each other in a public place and I saw a mosquito on you and my instincts just acted before my mind.

We mixed up our clothes at the laundry service and I have nothing left to wear and every thing you wear is too big/small for me.

We’re at a comic book store and if you tell me your superhero is better than mine I’m gonna have to punch you in the teeth.

There are no table left at this restaurant and you let me sit at yours since you’re alone.

I’m a single grown-up with busy friends but I want to go to Disneyland so I drop a message on a forum to find someone like me to go wear silly Mickey ears headband and stuff ourselves with cotton candy.

My computer broke down so I called an IT and now I need to find a reason to call them back so I delete important files and download adwares and do all kinds of stupid things.

I almost dropped something and in my fumbling attempts to stop it from hitting the floor I accidentally projectiled it at your face and it’s a really nice face I’m so sorry

first day at a new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last weekend/night

I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck

Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

college/high school AUs:

i went on a date with a boy who had plans to take me to dinner and drinks. but he lost his wallet at a pizza place so we just walked around the neighborhood, sat in the park and talked.

we’re in the same study group but we dont talk but you brought goldfish and im starving

we have the same notebook and we took the wrong ones home so i used your notes on my open book test

you were my elementary school crush but you moved away but somehow we end up miraculously going to the same college and i barely recognized you because holy hot damn you are more attractive than i remember?

I tripped over on my way to this party and I’m bleeding profusely from the grazes on my knees and you’re a complete stranger that pretty much jumped me the second I walked in the door to play nurse

ive had a crush on you for 3+ years and now youre going out with my best friend and i definitely havent locked myself in a toilet cubicle to cry

We’re in different debate classes and I was constructing a case on the board and I come in the next morning and you’ve replied to all my points really well?? But I don’t even know your name? And oh shit, we’re taking over the entire whiteboard, is that your phone number squeezed into the corner of the board there?

You have braces and I don’t and I keep forgetting you’re not allowed to have gum so every time I offer, you give this death glare

You sent me a text asking if I wanted to go to prom on the day of prom and I’m not in town

I’m a notorious goody two shoes and you look like you get into fights on a daily basis, so when you were in the library on the first day I was supposed to be a tutor, I assumed I’d be tutoring you. But, as it turns out, we’re both tutors, and the people we’re tutoring keep blowing us off to make out and we have to go round them up

we have a mutual best friend but they cannot find out how much i like you then they’ll tell you, but i need to find out if you’re single!

I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious

You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close

soulmate aus

if one soulmate gets an injury, the other gets it as well.

Character A has a soulmate, but Character A died before they got to meet them. As Character A navigates the afterlife in their ghostly form, they discover that they can’t “move on” until they’ve met their soulmate.

the very first words your soulmate ever says to you are tattooed somewhere on your body since the day you are born

when you write something on your skin with pen/marker/whatever, it will show up on your soul mates skin as well.

You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or something

you have a compass on your wrist and it directs you to where your soulmate is

i usually think i’m having a conversation with myself in my head but it turns out we’re telepathically connected

everybody is born with a map “tattooed” on their forearm that’s centered on the exact location of where they’ll first meet their soul mate

#writing #writing prompts #i did this instead of........ actually writing #eddieways feel free to reblog and/or send prompts

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druggedupdog · 4 years ago

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major tw sorry. this is pretty graphic and long. please like if you read.

chris had it all planned out the moment he started talking to me. i was eleven. it was after school, i was trying to walk home and these kids from my class kept fucking trying to follow me and rile me up because it was apparently funny watching an obviously mentally ill child have a breakdown. and chris just. appears out of nowhere and tells the kids to fuck off and they leave and i INSTANTLY want to be his friend because HOLY SHIT someone actually defended me and i was just so desperate for company and honestly at the time i was already planning to kill myself. and i just. i just tell him everything. that same day, the same day i met this complete stranger, i just start spilling my life story. my dad's an asshole and beats me, my brothers think my pain is funny, no one likes me at school and thinks i'm weird, my mom's fucking dead, i live in a moldy delapidated house with little food because my family is fucking poor, i hate church and i hate school and homework and i just want to get away from my stupid town or die. etc etc etc. and he listens and says he's gonna protect me and stupid fucking me believed him. i set myself up, i don't even know if he knew about all this prior because i thought maybe he stalked me but no i told him everything about my shitty life and he used it for his advantage.

two years later he says i'm old enough to date him. but honestly prior to that it had been maybe a month of me knowing him and he was hugging me a bit too long, smelling my hair and clothes, touching me in suggestive ways, calling me baby names and other nicknames, always talking about how hot i was and how he couldn't wait until i was older and he could fuck me. but what the fuck did i do? absolutely nothing. because i grew up in a sheltered mormon home and didn't know jack shit about sex or love or anything. i just loved the attention he gave me because fuck at least it was "positive" and i felt like such a rebel when he would buy me things i wasn't supposed to have like alcohol and cigarettes and any illegal street drug you can think of. he very easily manipulated me and i fell so fucking hard for it because i have shit for brains. anyway the literal day i turned 13 he basically pushes on me that we're dating now and i was just like "lol haha okay! whatever you say! please don't leave me!" and after school he took me to his "parent's house" while they were "on vacation" because he was very obviously 16 and definitely not lying about it. then he took me to his bedroom, told me we'd play some video games for a while, gave me some alcohol and i got drunk as shit. he kept saying some nonsense about like... how i looked really warm from the booze and i should take my clothes off to be more comfortable. i don't remember it that well. i think i did it really half-assed and he ended up taking my clothes off for me and then he started cuddling with me and touching my dick and i kept trying to push him away but i was too fucking drunk to really do anything and i just. i just kept saying stop. stop please. please please please. and he kept going until he turned me over, pushed my face into the mattress and penetrated me. it hurt so fucking bad and i tried screaming but nothing came out. i started crying and he told me that everything was okay. it was supposed to hurt. i was supposed to be scared. and i still believed him even though every part of me found it hard to believe. i black out from the alcohol and the fear. the next day i'm awake in his bed, covered in his cum, trying to process what the fuck just happened and i'm freaking out but i don't know why because chris loves me and said it was okay so why do i feel like this. why. he made me breakfast and i throw it up when i get to my dad's and he screams at me for being sick and missing school and he asks me where i was and i don't say anything and he beats me. so i go back to chris's house that night to get away and this time chris has heroin for me instead of booze and he rapes me after i shoot up and start nodding off. i find out chris is 19 after looking in his wallet for spare money while he's asleep after getting off. i go back to my dad's house because i'm uncomfortable and i get beat by my dad again. and then i go back to chris's and get raped again. back to my dad's and get beat again. back to chris's and get raped again. the cycle repeats again and again and again. until i'm 16 and my brothers snitch to my dad that i like men and i have a boyfriend and my dad beats the shit out of me, raids my room while my brothers hold me down and force me to watch as he finds candid photos chris took of me nude and getting violated by him as well as all the heroin and other drugs and paraphernalia i had stashed and hidden in my room. he beats the shit out of me AGAIN and starts throwing all of my shit out of my bedroom window and when i run out to grab it all he locks the door behind me and doesn't let me back in. so i go back to chris's house and beg him to let me live with him and he obviously agrees.

so then i get raped for even more months but at this point i'm just conditioned to accept it no matter how much i hate it. then chris starts yelling at me for trivial things. then he threatens me. then he starts hitting me. then he locks me in the moldy spare bedroom with only a dirty old mattress in it whenever we disagree over shit and starves me for days. at this point i'm very deep in my heroin addiction, so he forces me into withdrawal whenever i'm locked up and i am in so much physical anguish. he only comes in to give me my fix and rape me. sometimes he only rapes me and i feel and remember everything so i actually scream during these times and he shoves his fingers in my mouth to shut me up and if i bite down he slaps me. this goes on for two fucking years. but i stay because i need the drugs and i need the love and attention and he really does love me he's just going through a phase he'll apologize and see what he's doing eventually i still see glimpses of it sometimes when he lets me out of the room and cuddles and kisses me and calls me his cute little boy. but then as i approach my 18th birthday i find out he's molesting another 13 year old. i dont do anything. when i'm 18 he tells me he's had enough of my shit and kicks me out. i beg and plead for him to let me stay. i promise him i'll do anything for him i'll let him rape me nonstop all day or murder me if that's what he wants to do. i tell him i love him so much we're meant to be together i want to marry him i want to spend the rest of my life with him and get high all day with him. he tells me he doesn't care. i'm useless to him now because i'm an adult. i'm a pathetic junkie and i was just an experiment because he had a fetish he really wanted to test out and i seemed like a good target. he's already found another child to lust over and torture the same way he did to me.

this post is long and i basically spilled my life story but i dont care i don't anymore i'm going to kill myself. i quit heroin but i regret it so fucking bad EVEN THOUGH IT REMINDS ME OF HIM ITS THE DRUG HE USED TO HURT ME AND TORTURE ME FOR YEARS AND YEARS I WAS TORTURED INA DIRTY ROOM FOR YEARS USED AS HIS CUM RAG. i can't get over it. i abused heroin because i was in so much pain. i didn't want to handle it all it was just too much. i need it again because the memories just keep coming back every time i lay down and close my eyes. i want it to go away i want the pain gone it hurts. it hurts all the time. i hurt everywhere all the time and i can't process it. why. why did he and my dad leave me so broken like this. wouldn't it have been less effort to just kill me? it would hurt me less, actually. it would have been more humane. i wouldn't have to suffer the memories, the nightmares, the panic attacks, the learned behaviors, the harmful coping mechanisms and self-medication, the mental anguish that manifests as intense physical pain, the nonstop crying and bouts of rage that make everyone around me fear me. i can't be normal anymore. i'm just like this now and i never wanted it and i can't be a useful contribution to society. the last actual job i had i lost because a coworker made a rape joke and i beat him over it. i'm some fucking animal i'm not human anymore. i don't want to be this.

so it's either go back to heroin again and possibly lose ethan over it or kill myself and i guess suffer the consequence of death and hurt ethan. those are the options because i can't do this shit anymore, sorry.

#journal entry #do not reblog

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broadwayisblue · 4 years ago

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this is just going to be me talking about how much i miss school so yeah, don’t read it.

online school is okay i guess but i really fucking miss being there. i can make fun of public schools all i want, because yes it’s true, shit was flawed and we were all super depressed, but at least we had each other. it was super diverse too. we had two engaged lesbian teachers (one was quite obviously an art teacher) we had a black principal and so many diverse teachers and students. yeah, some of them were annoying but at least they were there! we lived in a little bubble that wasn’t affected by general society so we wERENT TOUCH STARVED AND I REALLY MISS THAT. even if you were openly gay, your straight friends would still nap on your shoulder and give you hugs and tell you that they love you in a totally platonic way. BOYS did the same thing if u can believe that. my best friend would go up to her friend (who is a guy) and they would give each other morning hugs and nobody cared because they knew they were just friends. i once was watching some boys play a game of basketball and i guess they were happy with their teammate bc all of the kid’s teammates just ran over and kissed his cheek. it was really sweet. everyone knew everyone which had it’s downfalls but it also means that people remembered your birthday and asked the school to sing for you. our vice principal knew everyone and always made an effort to make us feel comfy. yearbook (the class) would throw hard candy at us and organize games at lunch and play music on loudspeakers. we had a really fun festival every year and the whole school would work together to help. we would pour water on each other when we were nearing some kind of holiday and the staff didn’t care as long as we cleaned up the bottles. we hid babies! those little tiny plastic babies all over the school. it was a game and everyone was always looking for one. i miss them. i know it wont be the same even if we were to go back bc of social distancing and whatever but i dont care as long as i get to see them again.(there were still a ton of flaws but i want to be happy today so whatever)

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mr-mr-ontheradio · 5 years ago

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Something changed after Jan 2014. Harry changed. Jeff more in the picture. Enter Kendall still hanging by. Minimal Larry interaction. Something happened. Harry's entire look and persona changed. I always thought it was the time that Harry matured and wasn't naive or wide eyed anymore.. More closed off before cameras. Maybe Larry also had some fights, obviously like any couple. What are your thoughts about it??

ok 2014. I've been meaning to make a masterpost about this so thanks for the question.

So 2014 was the Where We Are tour, and the boys were all severely overworked and it SHOWS. Niall lost weight, Louis and Harry both look starved, and Zayn is horrifyingly skinny.

They look on the verge of passing out during this entire interview especially Harry and Zayn.

Zayn was ~rumored to be~ struggling with a drug problem and anorexia during this time, and dealing with his own range of drama but I'll keep this on Harry/Larry.

Obviously an easy explaination for the decreased Larry interaction is that they were broken up. And its very possible they are/were an on again/off again couple and 2014 could have been an "off" period but 2014 is also when

Harry got the anchor corresponding with Louis' rope (January)

Harry gets the heart (February) and Louis gets the arrow (March)

The christ-the-redeemer trip where Harry and Louis are heard kissing in the bread van and this picture is taken where they seem like theyre holding hands (May)

Harry goes to Jay's wedding (July) and holds onto the wedding bracelet all the guests had for the rest of the year, even after it broke.

Louis gets the dagger (November).

Harry sings "Night Changes" directly at Louis during both the Graham Norton Show and the Royal Variety Show (December).

There are a lot of little things/speculation in between but these are the big things I think definitely prove they were still more or less "together" throughout the year. The months we saw virtually no Larry interaction at all were from end of May to End of October, with the major exception being Harry publicly attending Louis' mom's wedding.

It kind of seems like the wedding was a big deal to management (even though I don't think the fandom saw it as proof of anything as much as they were happy to see it happen). But it kind of seems like Louis and Harry had to pay the price for this one because there was a big eleanor presence in the month or so leading up to it whereas before she was barely seen all year apart from one publicized ski trip in February before WWA kicked off. But from the 1st of June until Jay's wedding on the 20th of July, she and Louis were papped twice in paris and once in portugal, she went to 5 or so concerts, she was spotted leaving his hotel twice, she was spotted eating lunch with Louis and Lottie, Louis attended her graduation, Louis took her out for her birthday, and *drumroll please* it was announced Eleanor would be Jay's maid of honor (she was actually just a bridesmaid so they played that one up for the media).

They also brought Paige back breifly in the days leading up to and after the wedding with her posting pics of herself in Harry's clothes on instagram, them attending a party together, them going out to lunch with jeff and the mirror reporting they were dating again.

Meanwhile apart from the stunting, the fandom as a whole was FREAKING TF OUT over the video that was "leaked" at the end of May of Louis and Zayn smoking weed (coincidendally two days after the European leg of WWA had started) and we were being bombarded with articles about bad boy Louis and Zayn, and how perfect 🥰 harry 👼🏼 was 😱 totally 😵 offended 👎🏼 and 😤 against 🙅🏻‍♂️ Louis 😖 and Zayn's 👿 drug addict 🤢 ways 😒.

This wasn't the first time we saw articles about Louis and Harry no longer being friends, but this was definitely a new angle that started to separate Harry and Louis because of an actual reason and it was the beginning of Harry's image being separated from the other boys.

As far as Kendall goes, Hendall seems to have wrapped up in Februrary and then she disappeared for the rest of the year in typical Harry-stunt fashion. Nothing strange there. And when he did hang out with her Jeff was always there. Harry's most prominent "relationship" in 2014 was actually Nadine which didn't even start until December.

Jeff and Harry were definitely attatched at the hip right from the beginning of January for sure. It's not unlike Harry to be like this with new friends though, and he was the same way with Grimmy during the years before.

Jeff is a special case too becuase he's very connected in the industry so I think Harry felt safe with him and it might have comforted Harry to have someone like that he could trust looking out for him. I think Jeff was maybe helping him navigate his way around the utter PR nightmare that was his public image too. He certainly had a lot less "womanizing" stunts in 2014. Jeff might have even been talking to him about taking a break from the band, since 2014 is supposedly when Harry suggested hiatus.

As far as Harry's "look" goes he's literally been changing it every single year. 2010-2011 was baggy pants abercrombie and jack wills. 2011-2012 was the blazers and bowties and the fetus harry hair. 2013 was take me home/fratboy harry. headscarf harry was 2013-2014 until he started wearing those fedoras, then that was his look for a while as his hair grew out and he started wearing the unbuttoned shirts and took on a more hipster/rockstar aesthetic. then he started with the floral shirts and the skin tight jeans leading up to the floral suits and it went from there. Like I said it's never been weird for Harry to completely change his look in a whim. We literally have grandpa harry now.

His persona changed too but really it's not that strange considering he was entering is 20s, 2013 had been hell for him and Louis, he was so overworked that he was probably getting burnt out on the positive side of his life (making music and performing) and starting to resent the negative side of it even more.

As far as being more closed off in interviews, he was probably sick of them since they all ask the same questions and there wasn't much he could say that he hadn't already said. At this point if he'd been in a relationship with Louis for four years then he wouldn't have many anecdotes or side interests that didnt involve Louis or their private life on some level so he might not have had much to talk about. Try to avoid saying "my boyfriend" when you're talking about your life after you've been together for years and years, it's not easy. And he obviously learned the hard way that every thing he says on camera will follow him forever so I think he forced himself to stay quiet rather than risk letting something slip.

In my opinion, overall things weren't really that odd during most of 2014 until november/december when they started Four promo. They were touring most of the year so their lives were pretty out of the spotlight apart from the occasional stunting and Harry hanging out with Jeff in his free time. The changes we saw were typical of someone his position.

I think there were some power struggles behind the scenes based off their little rebellions during WWA ("i have a secret", refusing to deny larry twice when asked directly if there were rumors they wanted to clear up) and 2014 is when RBB started (though i think it was just for fun at the time). Jeff might have been encouraging Harry to stand up for himself against his management or at least teaching him that he didn't have to take everything lying down and he did actually have some leverage.

Jeff also might even have been priming him to go solo and if Louis and the boys suspected Harry was being eyeballed for a solo break out there might have been some tension and I'm sure Louis at least thought that's what was going on. But I don't think it's something they would have broken up over considering at the end of the day Louis has always been supportive of Harry.

I will say that 2015 was one crisis after another though and i think at the end of 2014 we saw that ball start rolling because all the boys looked strung out for the majority of Four promo and Harry was kind of being rebellious as far as maintaining his hetero image with comments like "not that important" and "dont knock it til you try it".

Anyways thats my thoughts on it. I am intoerested to know what you think changed though ?

#my asks

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beaumvnts · 6 years ago

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what the fuck is up, lads, i’m allura / 18+ / est. it’s been a hot minute since i’ve been in a tumblr rp so i’m really excited to be here !! i start college soon so if my activity is a bit wacky, i’m sorry. anyway! less about me and more about my baby below. if you like this post i’ll pop into your ims for plots!

a JORDAN FISHER lookalike was strolling down broadway street in their dolce & gabbana boots. julian “jules” beaumont just had a birthday bash for their twenty-second birthday. they have been living in new york city for all their life. i hear they tend to be overwhelming at parties, but also kind of compassionate. ( agender & they/them )

AESTHETIC — police sirens in the distance, broken glass on the sidewalk, an acidic taste at the back of the mouth, leather jacket on a summer day, wall covered with sci-fi posters, star wars main theme, bass boosted music playing through the open windows of a fancy car, a collection of snapbacks, crumpled up paper littering the floor, the antiseptic smell of hospitals, slamming doors in anger, constant bickering of siblings, burning rubber, ripped jeans, dark long sleeve t-shirts, missed calls & ignored texts from parents.

QUICK STATS — name : julian asra beaumont nicknames : j, jules age : 22 gender & pronouns : agender & they/them sexuality : pansexual relationship status : single (commitment issues? check.) occupation: student at nyu, studying mechanical engineering because they’re being forced to by their parents. plays bass in a band called ‘a little disorganized’. parents : lucio beaumont & dr. laura beaumont siblings : allison (17), victor (20), katherine (25), mason (26) - personality : impulsive, overwhelming, careless, truculent, uncommitted + personality : adventurous, compassionate, charming, dedicated, loyal

BIO (AKA BULLETPOINTS IN A SOMEWHAT CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER) —

lucio and laura both hailed from rich families and knew eachother as children, drifted in highschool, met again at yale university, and fell in love with eachother. lucio took over his father’s company almost right out of college, and laura went on to get a doctorate in biomedical engineering. together, they had five children who they raised in manhattan.

their two oldest, mason and katherine, are already extremely accomplished in their respective fields, law and software engineering.

their two youngest, allison and victor, hold great promise of a future in business and football respectively.

and then there is their middle child, jules. they are the, what their parents would whisper behind closed doors, family disappointment.

they grew up a quiet child, but was often pushed around by their siblings. fights between them and mason weren’t uncommon, and often, the two would walk in with matching black eyes, broken noses, and split lips. still, mason always stood up for them when they needed it, though they would repeatedly state they don’t.

jules has never really been in a relationship, being afraid of commitment. this likely comes from the fact that they were ignored by their parents at best, their siblings shining as bright as stars next to julian’s black hole of a personality. they don’t believe anything good comes out of love, going even further to state that love isn’t actually real.

a lot of what reckless things they do is for attention that they were starved of during their childhood.

as soon as they somehow graduated highschool with a disappointingly average gpa, julian distanced themself from their family even more than they already were. they adopted a dog, cheerfully named chewbacca, who is their favorite companion.

to their parents’ disdain, jules didn’t want to go to college. however, they were willing to give their child a year or two to ‘’find themself’’ before going to college.

**CAR ACCIDENT TW, DEATH TW** two years ago, when their second gap year was coming to an end, they were the assigned driver to a few of their drunk friends. jules really is a good driver (though they joke that gays can’t drive). their friends were distracting them unintentionally as they would and a truck t-boned the passenger side of their car. two of their friends died on impact, another was sent into a coma but woke up a week later, and a fourth was rendered unconscious and was in a critical state. julian themself was the only conscious one, and was able to call the authorities before passing out. the bottom half of their right leg, however, was crushed in the wreckage and ended up needing to be amputated.

their mom, thankfully, was in the process of designing a top notch prosthetic that functions extremely well, and jules was fitted for one as soon as they could be. they also sustained bad scarring and burns across their torso and arms, which is the reason that they almost always wear long sleeves. their prosthetic doesn’t have synthetic skin as per their own request, because they wanted it to serve as a reminder for their past. the metal of the prosthetic is completely black and all the machinery is visible.

in their vulnerable post-accident state, their parents persuaded them into applying for college to continue their education, which is why this coming fall semester, they are entering their junior (3rd) year of college at nyu studying mechanical engineering.

they do suffer from ptsd and anxiety because of the accident, and pointedly do not go to therapy, claiming that they are perfectly fine. they also skipped much of their physical therapy.

during the middle of their freshman year of college, they sporadically formed a band with a few of their friends, lovingly called ‘a little disorganized’. they play the bass, do backing vocals, and write most of the lyrics.

their band really took off a few months ago and are currently recording their first album

oof i think that’s it for now? i’ll add more if i need to (hopefully i dont)

PLOTS —

exes — their relationships don’t last more than three months at most. likely, these will all be on bad terms, though a few are still on good terms. most of it means nothing to them, and even if it does, they push it away.

fwb/enemies with benefits — probably the longest lasting commitment they had with another person that wasn’t just friend friend.

ex friend — perhaps they were in the crash with them ? or they just ended up drifting apart because of the different paths their lives took.

bandmates — please... drummer, vocalist, guitarist

study buddies — jules isn’t really interested in college and are only there because they have to be, so it’d be great to have someone that is a good influence on them to just sit down and crack open the textbook for once.

confidant — their closest friend, someone that they tell everything to and vice versa. probably the second person they contacted after calling the police after the accident.

crush — either your muse on mine or mine on yours it doesn’t matter! we can discuss later uwu

blease... i’m open to anything.... it’s been a while since i’ve done this...

#★ — ❛ what the fuck is up ❜ \ ooc #wealthyhq:intro

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crystu-cii · 4 years ago

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Of course!! 💕💞💕💕💕💞💞

What a MOOD XDD OKAY I FEEL YOU ON THAT ONE SHOT THING TBH- LIKE IF YOU TAKE TOO LONG TO GET TO THE GOOD SHIT ILL JUST GET BORED YALL--

wHEeze okay mood-- I actually went in my backyard with a mask on today(not intentionally, my sister sprayed febreeze and I'm sensitive to fragrances soo-- but the entire time I was like "wtf I'm telling crys about this later" XDD

XDD YEAHHH-- XDDD oms MA'AM GO GET SOME SLEEP WH..... TAKE A NAP MISS......

XD also baby jail- puts a laundry basket over him- there now I'm safe-- dangg never had a pet?? I recommend a dog(specifically shelties/sheltie mixes!! They're beautiful and playful!! And the type of dog I've had all my life :3) I.. ban?? Like ban ban??? Wh????

I am! XDD I'd (at least probably) say something if I wasn't-- of course!!!! 💞💕💞💕💞💞💕

Me too!! I miss hanging out with them :/ but so many live super far sooo :,D OH DEAR-- yeah nonononoooo-- Do Not-- YEAH better safe than sorry nO--

I CAN TELL YOU THAT THE PUMPKIN AND CHERRY PIES WERE DELICIOUS, HAVEN'T HAD THE BIBLE YET- AH YES PHONE WERE EATING A BIBLE HOW COULD I THINK IT'S CALLED A COBBLER-- XDD WH- HOW DARE SHE INSULT PUMPKIN PIES LIKE THAT-- /HJ it sounds fairly weird but hey if it's good than cool!! XDD

BUT tREEeEeeE!!!!! DO YOU NOT ENJOY DRESSING UP??? WHAT ABOUT THE CANDY SALES DIRECTLY AFTER???? WH-- AAAAAAAH HOW COULD Y'ALL-- XDD

Yeahh, I decided not to take any more creative classes in school anymore anyways--they don't suit me at all-- OH DANG-- YALL REALLY OUT HERE PISSING OFF THE CHOIR TEACHER??? DAMNNN-- XDDD YESSS-- awwwwhh :( oh well, on steam you can mood games sooo-- if you haven't asked for it, I recommend the portal games 👀 they're SO GOOD and I'll simp for both Glados and Wheatley, don't test me (unless you're Glados or Wheatley) /hj BUT THEY'RE SUCH WELL-MADE CHARACTERS-- BUT VALVE CAN'T COUNT TO THREE SOOOO-- (but there is a cool portal 2 mod coming out in April 2021(plus another from the past I think!) that looks incredibly promising!!!) and oooooohh I actually haven't seen much about it 👀 but from what I have seen it looks fun!!!!

opens calendar app-- can I just say it's so rare to meet people born in the early months-- like January and February, especially SO EARLY in the months of just unheard of XD I have a singular other friend born in January, on the 21st-- and I knew a girl who was born February but like I don't really like her or know her well so she doesn't count--

lEGITTT LIKE- im OUTTA HERE- xDDD

and omgg XDD im lowkey sensitive to fragrances to- when its too much and all- like i would only spray myself with perfume ome to three times while my mom is here doing like tWENTY SPRAYS AND IM LIKE "hEYo BRO I CANT B R E A T H E" /nm- its wild XDD

AND LEGITTT My mOm NEEEDS SLEPPP- quarantine has ruined her so hard- its ironic- I M supposed to be the rebelious one- XDD

WHWHWHEEZE B AB Y JA I L- XDD and yeahh- well my brother has an aussie dog (the one i said their name was also astro xD) but sometimes im just like- "yeah- thats my dog too-" i even mentioned it on a introduce yourself assignment for school xD and omg i dont know my dog types but i searched up what sheltie dogs look like and OMGG???💞 YESS A FLUFFY DOG I always dream of having a dog soo fluffyy- but i expect that it would be a pain to clean up the fur all the time XDD and well i MeAANn- not really ban but like- whenever i speak about pets at all to my mom- it would go like- me: we cant even have ONE pet? | mom: no | me: how about a fish?? | mom: wELL ***-BRINGS UP EMBARRASING ACTION I DID AS A TODDLER-*** ) so i just assume thats her way of saying- no fish. XDD

and phew thats good! the least thing i'd want is make you uncomfortable in any way ;w;; 💞💞 gosh- even hanging out with friends is like russian roulette- XDD before covid and all i would always go to Larie's house every single weekend because my mom would always go there every weekend to play mahjong (its a little gambling game) and i would just be like "YEAH IM COMIN TOO-" - like OMG- literally friend's moms being friends with your mom is just the definition of LIFE GOALS- and it would be so fun every time i go there too- my mom would play with them till midnight or literally up to 3 am- so me and larie would just do the most wackiest stuff- along with eating loads of snacks and watching random shows or anime XDD ahh its only months ago since it stopped but it already feels nostalgic xD

awh NoW I WANNA TRY PIEEEESS- AND ABHAHAHAHA "HAVENT TRIED THE BIBLE"- I GOT SO CONFUSED WHEN I FIRST READ THAT XDD phone: its the BIBLE | astro: its a cobbler— | PHONE: YOU QUESTION THE WORDS OF THE MIGHTY JIMMY? ) XDDDD

and LEGITTT- WHENEVER we ask them "hey what you gonna dress up this halloween" thEY woULd JusT Be Like "huh halloween whats that--" XDDD but they end up trying to celebrate it with us at the very least- xD anD YEAP WELCOME TO WHEN its the time of the year where the month names start ending with "ber" aka CHRISTMAS CHAOS TIME- /hj xDDD

mann for my school we had to choose between three music electives- band, orchestra, choir- i chose orchestra and it was AWESOME- until it was my last year and THE FUCKING ORCHESTRA TEACHER QU IT (it was reasonable actually- she had a sickness) and the cLASS JUST TURNED TO SHITITITHKAHTLQJF I HATED IT it came from my favorite class to the WORST in an InSTANT im SOBBING- but even the whole school is just utter bull- during that same year- i had six classes(a teacher for each) and guess what- THREE OF THOSE TEACHERS LEFT- LIKE EXCUSE YOU?? my 2020 was already RUINED before even COVID CAME like WTHHH- so yeah it was crazy- at that point we were all in despair and the school became more ghetto than it was before(everyone would keep saying "wErE In The GheTtO RATTATATAAA" every time we reach school grounds- its funny cause its true- XDD) yeah its crazzyy

and Oh YEHAH the mods are sickk- mods make my dont starve together gameplay so much better xDD and ooh i have seen portal before but i never actually played em- i think i was watching the walkthrough of both games just to try to learn what the game was about- but in the end- i forgot everything from what the heck our objectives of the game was other than to solve mind blowing puzzles- XDD but cAN i JUST SAY THE SONGS ABSOLUTELT BOPPED THO? THE ENDING SONGS STILL ALIVE AND WANT YOU GONE GOT ME LIKE in TEARS to how good they were- like i jammed to them for a long ass while xDDD and ohhh i never seen any portal mods before! i didnt even know portal mods were a thing but that sounds SICKKK

and omg xD and wth- now that you mention it- like- SAMEE?? real life wise- the birthdays are scrambbled up- but lately on tumblr almost everyone has their birthdays around the the "ber" times and this has now made me realize it- like omg- XDD

#the rambles of crystu

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bored-libra · 8 years ago

Text

92 truths

I was tagged by @gardenofgents @nickygrimms and @minirose Thanks guys! :)

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag! I’m putting it under a read more because it is long!

THE LAST…

1. Drink: iced coffee

2. Phone call: my dad

3. Text message: my boyfriend

4. Song you listened to: writer in the dark - lorde

5. Time you cried: like 2 hours ago at an episode of shameless

HAVE YOU EVER…

6. Dated someone twice: no.

7. Been cheated on: unfortunately

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: no

9. Lost someone special: yes

10. Been depressed: yes

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yikes, yes,

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS:

navy blue,bluish gray, and black. idk i’m not big on color

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15. Made new friends: yes

16. Fallen out of love: no still very much in love

17. Laughed until you cried: yes i’ve got good people around me

18. Found out someone was talking about you: not that i know of

19. Met someone who changed you: no

20. Found out who your true friends are: no i’m lucky to have good friends

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i guess. i’m friends with my bf on fb

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them

23. Do you have any pets: no i had a cat when i was young tho

24. Do you want to change your name: sometimes i think about it, but i would never actually

25. What did you do for your last birthday: omg i dont even remember… probably went out.

26. What time did you wake up: 10 am

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: smoking weed probably

28. Name something you cannot wait for: dunkirk, i’m gonna loose my MIND

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: last night. we watched veep together.

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i’ve got a list

31. What are you listening to right now: idk whatever techno song that’s playing at my office rn. working in a gym sucks.

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes i have an uncle named tom.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: money

34. Most visited website: probably tumblr. wow sad.

35. Elementary: idk what this is asking, but it’s been a quick decade+ since i’ve been in elementary school.

36. High School: can choke.

37. College/university: bachelors degree in communications and currently working on a master’s degree in interactive media. STAY IN SCHOOL KIDS

38. Hair colour: brunette.

39. Long or short hair: medium?

40. Do you have a crush on someone: i’m in a committed relationship so yes?

41. What do you like about yourself: idk my style

42. Piercings: ears and i used to have my nose.

43. Blood type: as an adult i should know this. also if i did i wouldn’t tell you.

44. Nickname: G, gyn

45. Relationship status: been with my bf for 5 years

46. Zodiac sign: libra

47. Pronouns: she/her.

48. Favourite TV show: rn veep.

49. Tattoos: none and i never want one.

50. Right or left hand: right.

FIRST…

51. Surgery: wisdom teeth

52. Piercing: my ears

54. Sport: soccer

55. Vacation: cape cod probably (a Massachusetts staple vacation)

56. Pair of trainers: fav pair? adidas stan smiths. burying me in them

57. Eating: nothing and i’m starving

58. Drinking: water i finished my coffee

59. I’m about to: leave work

60. Listening to: i feel like i’ve been asked this already?

61. Waiting for: my one love manchester shirt to come in the mail.

62. Want: to move to nyc

63. Get married: sure, give me a few years to stress about my debt first.

64. Career: trying to figure all that out.

YOUR TYPE…

65. Hugs or kisses: honestly not big on affection, but hugs.

66. Lips or eyes: eyes.

67. Shorter or taller: taller, but i’m pretty tall so i don’t get picky.

68. Older or younger: older. tho I’ve had my cougar moments.

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: arms

71. Sensitive or loud: probably sensitive

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant. that’s the anxiety in me.

HAVE YOU EVER…

74. Kissed a stranger?: no

75. Drank hard liquor?: it’s the only way to go.

76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: too many times to count

77. Turned someone down: what woman hasn’t

78. Sex on first date: don’t knock it till you try it is all i’m gonna say

79. Broken someone’s heart: not that i know

80. Had your heart broken: yeah it sucks

81. Been arrested: well.

82. Cried when someone died: i’m a crier

83. Fallen for a friend: yeah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84. Yourself: depends on the day

85. Miracles: yes

86. Love at first sight: ehhhhhh

87. Santa Claus: saint nicky is my boy

88. Kiss on the first date: if you’re feeling it hell yeah

89. Angels: yes

OTHER…

90. Current best friend’s name: em

91. Eye colour: green

92. Favourite movie: 10 things i hate about you or the sandlot

there’s no way I’m gonna be able to come up with 25 ppl to tag. So if you want to do this tag me I love reading them when I’m bored at work!

#me #mine #tagged #text

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readallaboutdream · 8 years ago

Text

Him... Part 2 (Jake x MC)

Summery: What starts out as a normal weekend, finishes with Jake learning the truth about his and MC’s love child. What MC decides will change her and their son’s life.

I woke up to the sound of a loud knock on the door. I could hear Diego running to go answer the door.

“Diego how many times do I have to say not answer the door without me!”

I quickly get up and grab my dressing gown. I run down stairs where I see my son standing by the door trying to look through the peep hole while standing on a chair.

“Mum, its some blond guy. What’s he doing here?”

“Diego go have breakfast then brush your teeth. You have a play date in 20 minutes.”

Once Diego had left I fully composed myself and opened the door. There he was just as he had always been, well mostly.

“Jake, you’ve had a hair cut.”

“Great observation skills like always. Not what I came here for.”

“So why are you here then?”

I could feel myself blushing. He looked as great as ever, even better with the short hair. I shake my head and pull myself out of my thoughts.

“I was hoping I could treat you to breakfast out?”

He wasn’t nervous, he was calm and relaxed. Staring at me with his blue eyes and a smile playing on his lips.

“I would love to, but I will have to leave the house in-”

I look at the clock and gasp when I see the time.

“Shit, I have to leave now. Diego are you ready we have to go now!”

“I’m right here.”

“Okay wait right here I just going to go get dressed. Umm Jake maybe after I drop Diego off we can have breakfast, it won’t take long.”

“Sure, just call me.”

I watch as he leaves. I quickly get dressed and drive Diego to his friends place. After which I call Jake.

“Hey princess.”

“Hey, wanna grab that breakfast now.”

“Definitely, meet me at the south beach cafe.”

“Okay see you in 5.”

When I arrive it takes no time at all to spot him. I walk over and take a seat across from him.

“So what are you going to have? I’m starving.”

“I already ordered.”

“How?”

“I told the waiter what I wanted to eat. Also I remembered what your favorite was.”

I think my expression gave away my shock.

“It’s still the same as before. I can change it if you want something-”

“No it hasn’t changed. I just can’t believe you could still remember after all this time.”

“Well I tried to forget about you, about all of it. I couldn’t and so that’s when I tried fighting for a way to see you again. A way to clear my name.”

He held my hand in his and looked at me deeply. As if he knew what I was thinking.

“I’m glad you were able to clear your name.”

The waitor brought out the food and settled it on the table snapping both of us out of our moment. We sat there eating and talking about how we had been since we last talked.

“It’s only been three days.”

“Yeah so?”

“Well should I expect you to show unannounced more often?”

“Maybe. Actually I was wondering what you and the kid were doing tomorrow, I heard there was this little fesitval happening and thought maybe we could go together. I would really like to meet Diego, see how much he takes after you?”

I nearly chocked on my food but kept myself composed. What was I going to say. I guess one outing wouldn’t hurt but I don’t know if they should meet. I suppose they could meet and not need to know.

“I’d enjoy that very much, and I think Diego would as well.”

I could see how much Jake lit up at those words. We spent the rest of the day together. It was an amazing day, we went for a walk along the beach, had lunch together, went on a bit of an adventure exploring the city. We parted ways with an embrace before I had to pick up Diego. The next morning I got up early to have a shower and get dressed. Diego and myself were in the middle of eating when Jake arrived.

*knock, knock, knock*

“Hello?! Princess?!”

“The doors unlocked, come in!”

“Hey, you look…”

“What?”

“Like a mum. I mean the jeans and cotton shirt. Not to mention the messy bun and flats.”

“Wow, I feel so special. Thank you.”

“Mum, I finished my food.”

“Okay go brush your teeth and put your shoes on. Then we are leaving.”

As Diego left I started clearing the table.

“Need a hand?”

“No I’m fine.”

“So this is what it’s like for you now. No more running away from sabar-toothed tigers. All school, play dates, and cleaning up someone elses mess.”

“You don’t want to see kids birthday parties if you think this is a handful.”

I laughed when I said it but hearing his comment made me realise I made the right decision. He couldn’t handle parenthood. But today wasnt about dwelling on issues but about having fun, reconnecting, and even though they didn’t know it, some father son bonding.

“Okay, I’m ready!”

“Okay lets go.”

Jake drove us to the festival. Diego was so excited. It was a great seeing how much Diego and Jake got along, and it nearly broke my heart. After the long and exhausting day we all went back to my place. I helped Deigo get ready for bed and tucked him in.

“Mum?”

“Yes sweetie?”

“Where’s my dad? All of the kids at my school know who their dad is. You never talk about him. All you say is that you don’t need a dad to be happy.”

“Diego, a lot of other boys and girls don’t have dads. All you need to know is that he is a good man. Just like him, you are strong, brave and don’t let anything get in your way. If he could, he would be here with you.”

“Why can’t he be here?”

“A lot of reasons. Ones for another day, now it’s time to go sleep. We had a big day and you have school in the morning. Sweet dreams.”

“Goodnight mum.”

I kissed his forehead and walked towards the door. Trying to hold back the wanting to burst into tears. I closed the door behind me and started to sob while leaning against the wall.

“Brave and Strong, huh? Seems you have a type.”

I quickly wipped the tears from my eyes before facing him. I saw the concern and sadness on his face.

“MC, I know what you said before but-”

“Not here, lets go downstairs.”

I walked into the kitchen, Jake following close behind. I grabbed a bottle of vodka, which I keep for moments like these. I poured two drinks handing one to the man standing in front of me. After finishing my second drink and pouring my third I returned my gaze to Jake.

“MC? Am I Diegos father?”

I stare at him trying to speak but words unable to leave my mouth. I am barely able to breath. I feel like my legs are going to give out under me.

“MC, I know you said I wasn’t, but the time frame lines up and what you said just then to Diego, it makes me think that maybe there is a chance that I could be his-”

“You are. Your Diegos biological father.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I found out two months before we got off La Huerta. I knew that even if we did somehow get back home, yours was in Costa Rice and mine was back in the US. So I made the best decision I could. Not to tell you. I knew it would be impossible for us to be a stable family unit, and thats all I wanted for my child. I’m sorry if I hurt you, I just wanted to protect both of you.”

“I get it.”

“Thank you.”

“So what’s going to happen now?”

“Nothing. He has grown up for the past five years without you. I am not going to just dump this news on him. I would prefer for you to settle into you life before we even consider you hanging around him. When and if you do build a stable environment we can talk about you getting to know him. When and if there comes a time I feel it wouldn’t cause him any harm and I can trust you to be a responsible parent we can tell him the truth.”

“Okay. Well when would I be able to start spending time with him?”

“Once I know that you aren’t running. That you have a secure job, a home, and that you aren’t going to get close to him and then disappear.”

“Okay. Why didn’t you think we couldn’t have a stable family unit?”

“Jake, you weren’t even allowed in the country I lived.”

“Yes but after finishing college we could have been together.”

“Yeah, and you were an emotional wreck. Nightmares every night about Mike and your time in the military. How were you supposed to raise a child when all you did was drink your meals.”

I looked at his sad eyes, it was so hard to look at him. But I had to be strong for Diego.

“Jake after everything you have been through, I dont know if you ready to be around a child, let alone a parent. After seeing you with him today, and him asking about you I am willing to try this in due time. But I do have one other condition.”

“What is it?”

“I need you to start seeing a pychologist. Some one who can help you.”

“Is that really necessary, Princess?”

“It’s either that or you never see your son again.”

“Okay. I’ll make an appointment by Monday.”

“Thank you.”

“What about us?”

“What do you mean?”

“I love you MC, and I think you love me.”

“What are you saying?”

“Can we try us again? When I settle into my life of course. But I want to be able to have a family with you and Diego.”

“Jake, I’m just so used to being alone. I learnt to live without you. Just Diego and I. Do you realise just how much you are distorting life by being here. It won’t be like it was on La Huerta. That adrenaline is gone. Life doesn’t get any more exiting than it did today. Everyday is getting up, having breakfast, dropping Diego off at school, go to work, pick Diego up, cook dinner, then repeat. Can you do that? Yes or no, because I dont want to waist my time if you can’t.”

“I don’t know if I can do the playdates and birthday parties but I do want to be apart of my son’s life. I want to be with you, your the reason why I fought to be a free man. But like you said I need to get myself sorted. Then we can work on us.”

“Jake I would prefer if you focused on being a father, not a partner. If you stick around long enough for Diego, then we can work on us.”

“Okay. Well thank you for telling me. I know this wasn’t easy and I have come in like a hurricane.”

“Yeah you tend to wreak havoc wherever you go.”

We both laughed but we were both completely drained. While finishing our drinks we talked about what we had planned for the week. He is looking for an apartment and a job. I have work Monday to Friday.

“Well it’s getting late and I have to get up early tomorrow morning, I better head up stairs to bed.”

“Yeah I’ll leave you to it. Maybe we can catch up for drinks on Friday? You can see how I’m settling down that way.”

“Okay, just text me the time and place.”

“Well I’ll just let myself out.”

I walked him to the front door. He was half way out when he turned around.

“Take care of yourself okay.”

“You too.”

“Goodnight, Princess.”

“Night.”

I closed the door and dragged myself to bed. I was worrying about everything that could go wrong. At least if things don’t work out, Diego doesn’t even need to know about Jake. But for now, there’s no need to worry, Jake needs to focus on himself for now, so he can be a good father.

Jake and myself caught up that Friday. He found an apartment close by from Diego and I. He was also able to find a job as a pilot. We kept catching up every Friday for four months straight. Him spending time with Diego and I when we could. Then one Friday when Diego was at a sleep over, Jake came home with me. He spent the night, it was just like all those times before. Just as heated and filled with passion. I think that the alcohol played a large part in that. The next day Jake came with Diego and myself on an outing and it was great. Its been six months since that night when Jake learnt he was a father. Jake has been able to build a stable environment for Diego that one day I hope he could be permanently apart of. For now I still don’t want to tell Diego the truth but am more comfortable letting the two of them spend quality time without myself present. Jake and myself have also started dating over the past couple months. Some people might not consider one meal a week as dating but thats how it started out for us. Its all I can handle at the moment. I am still a single mum with a 5 year old. Its not as if all my worries have gone as well. I am still worried that one day Jake will disappear on us or break down from all the heart ache over the years. But I am starting to have hope. Hope that we could some day have a life together, as a family.

#jake mckenzie #choices #endless summer #jake x mc #jake x female mc #fanfic #fanfiction #choicescreates

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taeyangdyb · 8 years ago

Text

Giving love a shot part 55

After waking up from my nap, Jaebum was still out, it’s not late anyways. I’m starving as if I haven’t eat in days. I swear I have a third kid in my stomach, I should really get that check. It’s like it was hiding behind the girls, and now the third one is ready to come out.

As I was making my way out of the bathroom my phone rings.

Jae: hello?

Yori: hey, what are you doing?

Jae: nothing I just wake up, You?

Yori: getting ready

Jae: For?

Yori: dinner date, Loco and them went out. it’s a Saturday I’m not staying in

Jae: aren’t you pregnant?

Yori: so does everyone else that’s going, get ready I’ll send you the address *hangs up*

Great. Finding something to wear is much harder than she think. After 30 minutes of looking I finally found a blue satin long sleeve romper, I ordered online that was too big, now it fits perfectly, pairing it with a metallic silver heels.

*45minutes to the place*

Getting there all the faces I seen makes me somewhat refresh and happy. Some of our friends from high school.

Ian: damn you look hotter pregnant

Bobby:*elbows him* hey Jae, or should I say Mrs.Park?

Jae: Jae’s fine

Ailee: okay can we please go inside, I’m starving.

*Yori’s Views*

As we making our way upstairs to our table, we find all of our husbands having dinner party, while we their pregnant wives are siting at home? Loco got me all the way FCKED UP *deep breaths* calm down Yori you’re not in high school anymore, you’re a married woman with class.

Jae: are you okay?

Yori: I’m great. *smile*

Byul:*whisper* someone want to tell her that she looks creepy smiling like this?

I feel like I’m turning green, like the incredible hulk is coming out of me, if it does come out I’m gonna have a lot of things to pay for.

Again I have a lot of class.

Bobby: isn’t that you guy's husbands?

Jae:*looks around and finally see her husband sitting in between two of his #1fans Lina and Yuri*

Ian: how come you guys didn’t get an invite?

Jae: because they’re not my friends

Bobby: what's that gonna do with anything?

Jae: the girl on his left is his ex the one on the right, birthday girl has a crush on him since forever.

Nat: and you’re not going to do anything about it?

Jae: have you guys even seen me chase a guy? Even if I married him, I’m not going to chase him around. Also I’m carrying 3 kids, it’s not like I can’t fight anyone. Besides I’m too hungry to go fight.

*All laughs*

Jimin: aren’t you having twins?

Jae: trust me there’s 3 kids in there.

I know she’s angry I don’t know why she’s playing it off.

Yori: I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going to say hello

Ailee: Yori don’t start anything it’s the girl’s birthdays

Yori: the main reasons to go say hello, you know wishing her a hellish birthday

Byul: oh no

*meanwhile*

Chacha: this is not good

Loco: What?

Chacha: turn to your right

Loco:* looks over and find one pissed off Yori glaring at him*

Yori: *walks towards him* when I asked you where you were going, I thought you said that you were going to the bar with you friends?

Loco: babe look- baby listen

Yori: nuh put the whole baby shi-

Jae: Yori, could you not- I’m really sorry about that-

*seeing how much Lina glares at her*

Jae: *raise her brows* wait, what am I sorry for I didn’t do anything. She has every right to go off, I don’t have the right to stop her. The only reason I’ll stop her, it’s because me and my kids are hungry, if she goes off we’ll need to find another restaurant. If it was up to me I’d just walk by and not even checking for anyone, but the incredible hulk over there couldn’t keep her mouth shut. As for you with the fake plastic Tiara, you don’t have to glare at me, I’m not here for Jaebum okay, don’t glare at me as if I knew he was going to be here I’d suggest somewhere else, since we're already here let’s just act as if we didn’t see you guys here. As for you Yori, can we eat before you break everything here? *drags her away*

Ian&Bobby: still hot even when she’s pregnant *walks behind them*

Jay: *angrily glares at them ?

Back at our table I’m still furious, but I’m not going to ruin everyone’s mood.

*15minutes later*

After ordering appetizers I feel better I guess I was just hungry 😆 like them snicker bar commercials.

*2hours later*

As the time goes by, it was actually fun, we eat, talk about old time, It feels great. After we eat we couldn’t hang for too long, we had to go home, well the pregnant ones

In the parking lot we find all of our husbands waiting.

Yori: I don’t feel like driving

Byul: me either

Jimin: I’m stuffed

Byul: should we ride with them?

Jimin: the way our pride and ego set up, not gonna happen.

Ailee: but you can go you’re heavier than all of us.

Byul: what make you guys think I’m not angry as well?

Jae: are you?

Byul:…

Jae: I’ll call you a driver.

Within the next hour Jaeha called 3 people one to drive her car, one to drive Byul home and the next for her to ride home. I guess they were waiting for us to ask them for rides, but we all drove away in our cars.

Loco got home 20minutes after I did.

Loco: hey can we talk?

Yori: no

Loco: look about-

Yori: I..Do..not..want..to..hear.. it.

Loco: babe-

Yori: Honestly I’m full I’m going to shower and sleep.

Loco: if I told you that I was going to her party you were going to get upset.

Yori: you think I’m happy right now?

Loco: can we not do that tonight?

Yori: do what? You’re the one still talking.

*Jae’s views *

I stayed out for an hour before I get home , I didn’t wanna deal with him, but as soon as he get home he wanted to talk.

Jay: can we talk?

Jae: no

Jay: Jaeha look I’m sorry

Jae: congratulations, while you stay here feeling sorry for who knows what, that I actually dont really care for anymore, I’m going to clean up and sleep, my kids are tired.

After freshen up, she picked up her phone.

*Jae calls dad*

Dad: hello?

Jae: hey daddy, we’re you sleeping?

Dad: no, just having a cigar

Jae: at this time? Long day?

Dad: yeah something like that, how about you?

Jae: my day? I’ve been feeling funny all day, but besides that I’m good

Dad: did you call the doctor?

Jae: no I don’t think it was that serious

Dad: how are the babies?

Jae: well they just here kicking me for no reasons, I will flick the first one that comes out.

Dad:*laughs*

Jae: but something’s strange

Dad: what?

Jae: I feel like there’s a third one

Dad: third baby? But the doctor-

Jae: daddy doctors can be wrong. I feel like it was hiding, but now getting bigger and ready to come out

Dad: maybe you’re-

Jae: dad I’m not crazy, I can feel something different, like two extra kick. Maybe it’s an introverted baby, and he start kicking cause the girls are annoying him.

Dad: him? You think it’s a boy?

Jae: yup

Dad: that’s fantastic *sounds happier*

Jae: I’m offended that you sounds happier to hear a boy, what’s wrong with my girls?

Dad:*laughs*

Jae: DADDY

Dad: okay okay, I’m sorry. I’m just happy if you’re right it’d be great to have a boy running around, you know a bit more blue and less pink.

Jae: shame on you dad. I hope you take care of you health cause you’re going to need energy. And enough with the cigars

Dad: okay I’ll ease up….starting with the next cigar

Jae: *lol* okay dad. I’ll let you go back to enjoy your cigar. I know it won’t be the last one to.

Dad: Jaejae

Jae: yes dad

Dad: thank you for calling, I was having quite a depressing day, but now I feel much better

Jae: you’re welcome, hey dad?

Dad: yeah

Jae: do you wanna go on a date with me?

Dad: a date?

Jae: yeah, you know just you and I….just like old times.

Dad: I would love that

Jae: okay I’ll see you tomorrow, love you dad

Dad: I love you to Jaejae

After hanging up the phone with my dad, I couldn’t help but feeling emotional. I love my dad, we always spend times together, now that I’m married and about to have children, I missed being my dad’s little girl. 😢😭

*next day*

*Jay’s View AOMG office*

Gray: did you get cursed out last night?

Jay: I wish

Loco: I slept on the couch last night, not even the comfortable one.

Simon: Jimin got me running in the middle of the night to get her some gross stuff, I know she did that on purpose.

Lina: hey what’s up with the long faces? I wanna thank you guys for last night, I had fun.

*All looks at each other*

Jay: am honestly the worst person on this planet, I’m the worst husband. It sad that after all this time I’m still hurting Jaeha.

Simon: look that doesn’t make you a bad husband

Jay: you don’t get it, the night before I doubted her…. over Aaron. And the next day that happened.

Gray: what?

Loco: come on man, thats stupid

Jay: I don’t deserve to be with Jaeha. Before we would argue, but now, now it’s not even worth the argument anymore. I’m afraid one day she’s just going to get up and leave just like last before.

Simon: where is she?

Jay: spending the day with her dad

Gray: look you guys went through much worst than that.

Simon: look tomorrow we’ll invite you guys over and figure it out

Jae: I doubt she’ll go

Gray: just ask Mark to bring her, she’ll never say no to him

I got home late, I found Jae fell asleep with her head on his lap.

Jay: how was the date?

Mr.Han: more fun I’ve had in a while. Did she always eat that much?

Jay:*chuckles* it doubles now, or should I say triple.

Mr.Han: thank you

Jay: for?

Mr.Han: making my little girl happy. I know she’s not so little anymore, but you’re about to be a father, you’ll understand soon. You’ll see no matter how old they are, you’ll always see them as you little girl, even if they’re pregnant with kids, and a little too heavy for you to carry to bed. Thank you

So she really doesn’t tell her parents about anything that’s going on huh? If he knew, he wouldn’t be having this conversation with me WORST HUSBAND EVER.

*next morning*

I dranked all night, waking up my head is killing me, Jae’s not on the bed, walking out of the sitting room, she’s watching T.V. with a bowl of fruits in front of her. It’s sad how one thing can lead to so many other things.

I shouldn’t have gotten angry over Aaron, I shouldn’t have gone to that dinner in the first place knowing exactly who was going to be there.

Jay: hey

Jae: morning

Jay: you up early

Jae: I was hungry

Jay: you had breakfast?

Jae: yeah

Why am I asking her that? Of course she did.

*phone rings*

Jae: hello?

Eric: Mrs.Park

Jae: please don’t call me that

Eric: why? You guys are married-

Jae: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Eric: okay first of all, I told you several times, do not talk to me like that, and second I wanted to talk to you about something, so watch your attitude, I’m on my way out get ready I’ll pick you up.

Jae:*rolls her eyes*

Eric: keep rolling your eyes and they just might get stuck in the back of your head. GET READY!

Jae: *mumbles* idiot

Eric: I heard that

Jae: I KNOW!! *Hangs up, and starts getting ready*

Well I guess that cancel me spending the day with her. After Jaeha left I stayed home, I didn’t even bother answer answering my phone.

The only person I love or even want to talk to in this whole damn planet, I can’t treat her right, so why bother even talking to anyone else.

☆Eric’s Views☆

Okay so I had plans today to talk to the girls about having a Maternity shoots, ideas for them, but I got attitude from all of them. I’m used to getting it from all the girls, but once I see it includes Byul, who’s the NICEST one of all, there’s a problem.

Joon: dude you better have a good reason to come to my house. *looks in the back seat and sees Mark* why are you here?

Mark: he’s paying for lunch

Joon: don’t you have money?

Mark: I love free food

Joon: you love free everything

Mark: that’s not true-

Eric: can I please run you guys over?

Mark: just get in.

Joon:*opens the front door*

Eric: sit in the back, I have to pick up Jaeha

Joon: why?

Eric: something’s going on with these women and they won’t say. They’re all in their feelings

Joon: well duh, THEY’RE ALL PREGNANT AND MISERABLE.

Eric: I’ve never gotten attitude from Byul before.

Joon: maybe it’s-

Eric: Do not tell me that it hormone either. Forget about everyone else, would Jaejae tell us if anything was wrong? I know something is wrong, I just feel it, but she won’t say anything, now why would she do that? Because she doesn’t want us to get pissed off at him.

Joon: and what makes you think she’ll say anything

Eric: she won’t

Joon: can you say something?

Mark: when are we going to eat?

I swear those two makes me sick half of the times.

*1hour later*

Jae: why’d you tell me to get ready early

Eric:*gets out and open the door for her* cause you always late.

Jae: what are you two doing here?

Mark: free food

Jae: don’t you have money?

Mark: still, free food

Jae: and You?

Joon: he dragged

Jae: oh

The second I started driving, she zones out. She didn’t even hear me, even when I offered her food.

*Eric’s house*

Jae:*struggles to get out the, but can’t*

Mark:*went out to help her*

Jae: thanks *walks away*

Mark: I really dont want to go hit anyone today so please let it be hormones, or else one of you guys are gonna have to bail me out *walks inside*

Later when the rest of the girls came, none of them would spill anything about what’s going, or what happened. Jae is in a whole new planet.

Eric: can you guys wait for us here I need to talk to these guys *all 3 walks out*

*meanwhile inside*

Ailee: your phone’s ringing Yori

Yori: who cares

Jimin: it’s your husband

Byul: Jaejae are you Okay?

Jae: I dont know

Ailee: did you guys talk?

Jae: about what?

Byul: about the other day?

Jae: I don’t have anything to talk or say about it.

Jimin: you’re not upset?

Jae: about what?

Yori: Jay leaving you home alone to go party with Lina and Yuri?

Jae: what do you guys want me to say? I’m not 25 anymore, look at me look at them.

Ailee: you look like that because you’re pregnant, nothing’s wrong with how you look

Byul: so you’re just going to give up?

Jae: *stands up* ERIC?

In the end Joon ended up taking Jaeha home cause if Mark or I went I swear I would’ve hit hit him.

*Jay’s views*

Jaeha came back quicker than I expected. The second she walks in I can feel something is wrong.

Jay: hey you okay?

Jae: why wouldn’t I be?

Jay: well you don’t really look too well

Jae: I’m fine

Jay: Oh okay

Jae:*starts walking away*

Jay: hey

Jae: What?

Jay: wanna have a movie night?

I just know that she’s going to say no, but I guest it’s worth the try right?

Jae:*stares at him with a frown on her face* it’s 3PM

Jay: *shrugs* but-but if you’re tired you don’t-

Jae: you have movie food?

I did not think that far ahead, I was expecting a no

Jay: uuuh, what would you like?

Jae: how long have you known me?

Jay: I’ll grab my keys

Jae: and some clothes while you’re at it

Jay: what’s wrong with-

Oh right I’m not allowed to leave the house in Gray sweatpants.

Jay: I’ll be back

♡Jae’s views ♡

While Jay left to go wherever I’m just going to change to something more comfortable. Am I mad at him? Of course I am Why did I agree to watch the movie with him? Because I love him and I miss him, regardless of how much I want to hate him right now, I can’t.

I just can’t help it, I both love and hate him but the love surpasses the hate. I can’t hurt his feelings even if I honestly wanted to, it might happen accidentally but never intentionally. Even if I did intentionally the guilt would kill me.

I think the whole restaurant thing was just a bad coincidence, because when he went out, I was getting ready to sleep. If I have to be honest I really don’t like the Luna or Lina girl, if she still hits on him even if I confronted her, many time. I think she has something under her sleeves and I don’t trust her.

I’m not worrying about Yuri cause she knows better, but why was she there? I wonder if she and Jay still talks? Why do I still feel insecure about this? I don’t have the habit of checking or “snooping” in his phone, but I wonder if they talk? How long?

Do they hang out….alone? Maybe deep deep down he still feel something for her, like I do for Aaron. It is not the same thing, Aaron is not a threat, he’s gone, and he’s never coming back.

Am I over reacting? Maybe it’s hormones.

Jay: hey I’m back

Jae: hey

Jay: I didn’t know which you wanted so I bought these *Pizza, chicken, fruits, ice cream*

Jae: nice

Jay: I’ll go change

Jae: okay

I’m sitting here waiting for Jay to come out, his phone started ringing. The caller ID said “Unimportant”. We answer each other’s phone, I have no secrets from him and him for me, well at least that was before. Now I’m afraid that I might see or hear see something that I’m not suppose to see or hear.

Jay: was that my phone?

Jae: yeah

Jay: did you answer it? Who was it?

Jae: no, it said unimportant

Jay: oh, what are we watching?

Jae: you’re not going to call back?

Jay: nope the name speak for itself

Jae: You sure?

Jay: positive. So we have everything

Jae: except for the movie.

☆Jay’s views☆

It didn’t take long to find a movie, thankfully she’s not a huge fan of mushy movies, we spent the rest of the day watching movies, no interruption. At time I caught her zoning out.

I want to talk to her but I can’t, I don’t know how Things can go from zero to one million, in just a short time. I want to fix things, I want to make sure everything’s okay with her. I want her to know that I still care, I still love her, even more than before; but I have no idea where or how to start. I want to fix things before our kids born.

The following days, we went to Karaoke to hang out after fooling playing and singing anything. Everyone sings, even most of them could use singing lessons

Simon: Jaejae your turn

Jae: not really in the mood

Eric: the main reason for you to sing. It’ll help you relax, you know let lose a little.

Jae: I can’t sing

Joon: you are not as bad as Ailee

Ailee: rude

Jae: *sigh* fine

Even with just us she’s nervous

Mark: just close your eyes and let it go

The song she pick us “Mercy, by Shawn Mendes”

🎤🎵 CHORUS: Please have mercy on me Take it easy on my heart Even though you don’t mean to hurt me You keep tearing me apart Would you please have mercy on me I’m a puppet on your string And even though you got good intentions I need you to set me free

Please have mercy on me Take it easy on my heart Even though you don’t mean to hurt me You keep tearing me apart Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart Would you please have mercy, mercy on my hea

I’m begging you for mercy, mercy Begging you, begging you, please, baby I’m begging you for mercy, mercy Ooh, I’m begging you, I’m begging🎤🎵

Everyone literally got quiet after that.

Jae: I sounded that bad? *tries to play off the fact that she’s hurt*

Simon: would you like to be a member of AOMG? I’ll sign you

Jae: let me think about that after I give birth

Simon: I’ll be waiting, I know where you live

Jae:*smile*

I still haven’t been able to move myself or say anything. I was stuck like that until it was time for us to leave.

Joon: Jaejae, Eric said that your maternity shoot is tomorrow so get ready and get enough sleep, don’t be late

Jae: okay, and Joon-

Joon: I know, I’ll make sure they get home and one piece.

Jae: okay, love you guys

Joon: we love you too Jaejae, more than you think.

Jae:*hugs him* no more drinking, go home.

Ride back home is of course quiet.

*next morning*

I had zero sleep last night. I left home early because Simon said that he wanted to talk to me.

Jay: I thought we had a meeting?

Simon: we need to talk

Jay: what’s up?

Simon: what’s going on? I know it’s your personal life, but the way these women circle set up, it all for one and one for all. When something’s wrong with Jaeha, it affect all of us.

Jay: what are you talking about?

Simon: Jimin asked me what’s going between you, Yuri, and Lina.

Jay: what?

Simon: I know it’s your personal life, but it’s affecting all of us. I’m not the only one being questioned about that either. Whatever it is fix it,

Jay: what do you want to do? I can’t fix what I don’t know?

Simon: did you guys had an argument or something?

Jay: no, the previous night I asked her about Aaron

Simon: why would you ask her that?

Jay: I don’t know, I wanted to know if she still has feelings for him.

Simon: come on man, you’re at fault for that one. Why you always bring that up? How did you feel when she was in that mini coma two months ago?

Jay: like hell

Simon: okay, how would you feel if she didn’t wake up? Would you want people to keep asking you about her? It’s the same for her. How do you want her to move on, when you constantly reminding her of him? And the next she found you sitting in between your ex and a woman who’s after you even though you’re married. The husband of the year award goes to you Sir Park Jaebum.

Jay: you mean award for the biggest jerk.

Simon: where is she?

Jay: right now she should be getting ready to go to Eric’s

Simon: you going?

Jay: no, they all hate me now. To tell you I dont blame them; after all these years, all I’ve done is hurt her.

I stayed out the majority of the day, when I got home they were all there.

Jae: hey

Jay: hey

Jae: where’d you go?

Jay: out with Simon

Jae: all day?

Jay: yea

Jae: just..the two of you?

Jay: yes, just Simon and I. We were talking and I guess the day just go by.

Jae: oh okay-

Ian: hey Jaejae we’re going to play a game you wanna- *notices Jay* you

Jay: me

Ian: were you at some wo-

Jae:*elbows him*

Ian: hey what was that for?

Jae: go away

Ian: hurry up, we’re waiting on you.

Jae: sorry about that.

Jay: don’t apologize for that

Jae: do you want to join us?

Jay: no, you can go have fun.

Jae: you sure?

Jay: I am

Jae: okay *walks back over to her friends*

*meanwhile eavesdropping on their convo*

Jae: you’re a jerk you know that?

Ian: what did I do? I was just telling the truth.

Lia: all this guy’s ever done to you for the past what? 10 years, is hurt you.

Jae: this GUY is my husband

Lia: well tell that husband of yours to start treating you like a wife. One that he actually cares about.

Jae: he’s not as bad as you guys see him to be

Lia: what if he’s cheating on you?

Jae: he’s not. Jay would never, I’m not going to accuse him because of “what if’s” I want to see it for myself.

Ian: and if you do?

Jae: as much as I don’t want to think about that, if I do catch, him pregnant or not, we’re done. Immediate divorce, I’ll put a restriction order on him so bad that he won’t even be able to look up my name on the internet, let alone know what his kids look like.

Joon: are you 3 finish?

Mark: speaking of kids, don’t you think you need another car?

Jae: not really, why?

Mark: you need a family car, how are you going to fit car seats in your two door cars.

Jae: that totally slipped my mind *groans* can we go back to high school

Joon: the good ole times.

Eric: classes used to be fun

Joon: you mean hitting on the teachers? My business teacher was hot

Ian: the one you got fired

Joon: technically she quit

Jae: before or after you slept with her?

Joon: what makes you think-

Jae: it was after.

After her hearing their conversation, the guilt I feel is indescribable. Why did she take my side? I really don’t deserve to be with Jaeha.

I want to make this right, I want to make her happy. I have no clue what to do.

*bedroom*

Jae: you okay?

Jay: yea, why?

Jae: well you’ve been drinking every night for the past few days and that’s very unlike you, is everything Okay?

Jay: no, is everything okay with you?

Jae: what you mean?

Jay: is everything okay? With you?…..with us?

Jae: everything is fin-

Jay: dont tell me that everything is fine when it isn’t Jaejae. if I’m doing anything that’s hurting you, you have to tell me.

Jae: you should stop drinking

Jay: I’M NOT DRUNK

Jae: okay, you’re not drunk. I’m going to get ready for bed.

Jay: Jae

Jae: mhhm

Jay: are you mad at me?

Jae: mad at you for what?

Jay: I don’t know it feels like everything’s changing. It doesn’t feel the same anymore. And yesterday, the lyrics to that song makes me feel like the worst person in the whole planet. So if I hurt you in anyways that I’m not aware of you have to tell me.

Jae: okay did you do something? Anything you know that would hurt my feeling?

Jay: if it'sabout Aaron I’m sorry, I know what he meant to you, I never should’ve said anything about him. If you’re upset about the whole Lina dinner thing, I’m sorry.

Jae: *sigh* it’s not just about the dinner, it feels like a whole other Yuri again, I can’t compete with another woman again Jaebum. Ever since I met you years ago, all I’ve been doing is compete with other women. I got it, being with you meant that I have to deal with all of the women hitting on you, I know it was all part of the package and I accepted it. I thought that things would’ve gotten at least a little bit better after we got married, but it not. I can’t compete anymore, I’m tired. Being almost 8 months pregnant, that’s not the kind of conversation I wanted to be having with you, my husband. *tearing up* that’s not what I want to worry about, I want to talk to you about our kids, their future, i know that’s too soon, but I don’t want to be worrying about that kind of stuff. so I give up, with my bad history of stress and depression, I can’t lose my kids over things like that and… and I really love you Jay I dont want to end up hating you, over a matter that could’ve easily fix. You know despite everything that’s going on, I always take your side, because I know, we went through much worst than that, but one thing I’ve realized, is that in the only who always does the fighting, I’m the only one getting hurt like you dont care about me. Jay I love you, with all my heart, and everything I am, I don’t want anything between us, but I’m now, beginning to get tired *walks out of the room*

#Giving love a shot part 55 #kpop scenarios #aomg scenarios #aomg imagines #Jay park fiction #Jay park scenarios #Jay park snaps #jay park imagine

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