#and Sleeping

[morthern]

Not a morning person..

[mag-loopy]

Time to sleep

[shittywriterbrain]

[weirdraccoon]

Tom didn't want a big party for his birthday.

Tom just wanted a cake and maybe destroy poacher camps with his mom.

He wanted a new book on dark rituals and debate with his dad Ominis.

He wanted a wand holster and to practice dueling with his dad Sebastian.

Not much for a 13 year old.

His parents were more than happy to oblige.

[soraya-snape]

Why do people keep saying Snape should be over Lily by now?

I really don't get it. Especially when I think about myself. I lost two of my grandparents when I was 8/10 and even though I'm already in my 20s I'm still not over this loss and I don't think I will ever. Their deaths also does impact my life in some ways like (trying not to get too personal, but) it has negatively impacted my relationship with death, I can't talk about them because I don't know how to handle this grieve... There are nights when I just start crying because I miss them so much, even now writing this already makes me tear up.

Some people might now say “This is different, they were your family, and you were only a child.” but even though I would agree to some extent it's probably not in the way they mean it.

Let me explain with one of my two examples: My grandpa (who died when I was 10) and I were pretty close. From what I remember and have been told he was wonderful with us kids or like my mother once put it: when we were at my “other grandfathers” house we still usually hung around our parents but when we were at my grandpas house we literally forgot that our parents existed. Even though I don't have many memories of him left, I simply remember feeling happy when he was around.

But still, I think this relationship was less important to me than Sev's relationship to Lily was to him. You have to remember that he came from an abusive and neglectful home and probably didn't have any (real) friends before meeting Lily and also later in life. I on the other hand had a pretty loving family, and even the not so good relationships (like with my other grandfather) were still better than Sev's relationship with his father and probably mother too.

So of course it's different.

On the one side you have me, whose relationship with her grandfather is one of many loving ones (yes, it might be the strongest, but that doesn't really change anything).

On the other side you have this boy who has never really received/felt love before, and now he meets this girl, and she makes him feel love(d). I'm not going to argue about what kind of love either of them felt for the other, but I'm pretty sure Sev never gave or got more love to/from anyone ever.

And while loosing my grandparents at such a young age was definitely bad, I could imagine that losing them later in life would be just as bad, maybe even worse. Because having more time with them would obviously be amazing, but at the same time could also make loosing them even worse. So the age difference between me and Sev really doesn't make that much of a difference also considering Snily had a similar amount of time together before their “breakup”.

And this leads me to another difference between Sev and me. Two, actually.

First his friendship with Lilx ended and really not on good terms. Even though I think both are partly at fault here it was Sev calling her a mudblood that ultimately ended it. And he tried to apologize, but Lily didn't accept it. And no matter how you feel about her decision, I think if she had accepted, even if they still hadn't become (good) friends again, it would have made it easier for Sev. I think it would give him some peace of mind and the feeling of her still loving him to some extent.

While the last year of my grandpa's life was let's say complicated, and I didn't meet him as often as usual (a bit similar to Snily) I wouldn't say our relationship was strained especially when you compare it to Snily (I don't want to go into more detail and I also don't remember much of this time).

And the other difference is that Sev is at least partly at fault for Lily's death. Which obviously makes it harder for him to move on, even more so after they ended on a bad note.

I wasn't at fault for my grandpas death and also couldn't have saved him (funny thing is now I have knowledge that maybe could). Yes, the complicated situation of his last year might make his loss a bit harder, but not much.

To conclude, I totally do not understand why people don't understand why Sev can't get over Lily (and her death). Not only was she the only light in his life, the only thing that was ever good about his life, but it was also his fault that first he lost her and later she died.

[thisismeracing]

I miss mick schumacher, I hope he’s drinking water and having fun

[milkteatrait]

te mata

[hersurvival]

The music,

It blares and bellows.

Echos and rattles,

In the emptiness.

Summer in the north

Means it's not quite dark out.

But it is 2 am

And I miss you.

@nosebleedclub June 10th - Bellow

[a-strangers-thoughtss]

Summer loving had me a blast

Summer loving happened so fast

Will had been sitting in the sand, knees up to use as a makeshift table for him to set his sketchbook on. He used to do that a lot back in Lenora. He had never been big on friends, more adept to people watching.

He was similar to Jonathan that way, accept he drew people and Jonathan took pictures.

It was the summer after sophomore year, and two years or so after El had moved across the state to be with their dad for Highschool. She had always had a stronger connection to him, and Will to Joyce.

When Jonathan had left for collage he couldn’t bare to leave her alone, no matter how much it tore him up to be away from his twin.

The day had been so picture perfect, and so many gorgeous people had been roaming around, splashing in the water, sun bathing. It was the best place to find people joyful, emotions out on display for him to capture in pencil.

Something had caught his eye, a black leather jacket.

A boy looking around his age occupied it, walking slowly through the sand in sneakers, jeans, a white shirt and that leather jacket. Why he was wearing any of those things at the beach, Will did not understand. He must be insane, mentally ill.

But it would have been a completely insane lie to say that Will wasn’t drawn to him.

He was handsome, ridiculously so. He was tall and gangly, but not overly so. His face looked straight out of a marble statue, sharp, defined features. Shoulder length black hair messily spilled over his face, going in all different directions.

He was pretty too, and god, life was unfair.

Will glanced up, in the way he had learned after the time someone had caught him and angrily broke his nose, hidden and deliberate. He studied the boys face, slowly etching what he saw onto the page.

Will had just got done with a very rough sketch of his face when he looked up again.

Shit.

The boy was looking at him.

Their eyes met, and Will froze.

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

This guy was most definitely not someone he wanted to mess with. Greasers like him usually had a gang of buddies just waiting for the perfect opportunity to pick on someone they deemed “different” and Will was most definitely different. He was queer and every single person who looked at him seemed to clue in pretty fast.

But now he was walking towards Will and he was frozen and unable to move, rooted to his spot on the sand.

“What you doin’?” His voice had the harshness of a greaser, but his eyes were curious.

“Uh, people watching I guess.” Wills suppressed himself a little when his voice didn’t shake. What else was he supposed to say?

“Mind if I join then?” He asked, “Bored as shit.”

All Will could do was nod a little. He hurriedly turned to the next page before the other boy plopped down next to him.

“I’m Mike by the way.”

“Will.”

They sat in silence for a long while, Will finishing up the scetch of Mike and deciding to sketch out the figure of a house on the horizon, highlighted by the setting sun. As he was erasing a line to draw a new one, Mike spoke. It was startling, Will had forgotten he was even there for a bit.

“Hate beaches. Always so sandy and overly hot.” Will snorted at that.

“Well maybe you’d like them more if you took the jacket off for five minutes. You gotta be roasting right now.” That pulled startled laughter out of Mike.

“Just missin’ my boys.”

“Got kids? Though you were close to my age, looks like I misjudged.”

“Nah, still pretty young, not quite balding.”

“Got a bit for that.” They fell into an easy banter, something Will hadn’t known he was missing. The conversation just flowed with Mike in a way that just felt so natural.

“So, what’s a pretty lady like you doin’ out here so late.” Mike asked, light and curious.

“Already told you, people watching.”

“That’s a nice picture you got there.” now Mike was pointing to the sketch of the house, outlined with bold scribbles on the page.

“Thanks, I usually just draw people.”

“Well If that’s not what you ‘usually draw’ I’d like to see what type of shit you can come up with when you’re really drawin’.” Mike said, sincerity laced through his voice. “Any of those I can have a look at?”

Will felt self conscious, but before he could really think about it, he was flipping the page back to his unfinished Mike sketch. His eyes widened and his face grew hot.

“Damn, shit, sorry. Just saw you and I had to draw you, you look so out of place.” Not the words he should have used, but he can’t take it back now.

He looked warily to Mike, whose eyes were wide.

“Damn that’s good.” Was all he said, turning to face Will. “I don’t got any money on me but If I did you bet I’d be giving you a few quarters for that.”

He was dumbfounded, but quickly moved, going to rip the page out.

“Here, have it for free, I don’t mind.” Mike looked down at it, pleased.

“Thanks man.”

There was a long pause, a moment they both just sat there, grinning awkwardly at each other.

It was broken by a loud female voice.

“Mike, it’s time to go!”

Grinning, he saluted Will, “That’s my cue to split. Gonna be here tomorrow morning, wanna hang?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Mike got up, stepping backwards as he called,

“Bye Will.” It sent sparks up his spine.

[shyinkbunny]

White tuff? ✔️ Blue-green eyes? ✔️Scars? ✔️ Freckles? ✔️ Hot af? ✔️✔️

[imfullofworms]

[bluk-berry-jam]

How much water does your clodsire consume on the daily?

too fuckin much man. this goober can go through buckets of water during a single picnic.

[dove-skulls]

Stuck bedrotting bc my mouth hurts so bad so I’ve decided to learn to draw bodies properly so I can finally draw Juno being cool

Save me Juno Skylanders save me,,,,,

[banorawhite]

guess who just handed in their final assignment and now has a six month break from uni!!!!!!!!

[weirdraccoon]

For whoever needs to read this:

TW: depression and implied suicidal tendencies/thoughts

Yesterday I woke up and cried.

There was no reason, none that I know of, at least.

It just happened.

I opened my eyes, and I was still here. Alive. Hurting.

And the tears just came and drowned me.

I stayed in bed most of the day.

I reached out. I promised I did.

I was never a screamer though.

My silent cry for help was answered.

Hey. Are you ok?

Are you feeling down?

I'm here for you if you want to talk.

I hope one day you'll be your own reason to live.

I'm not sure if it's related but my brother also called.

His birthday is tomorrow, so even if I wanted to, even if I was mentally and emotionally ready to do it, I couldn't taint this date.

My uncle's death is already way too close for comfort.

I'm still breathing because of my little brother after all. I can't gift him a suicidal note... or in my case, a notebook with a short letter for everyone I care about.

Anyway. Before I start crying again.

You're not weak.

We're not weak.

Shit happens sometimes.

And other times we just feel shitty.

It happens.

And it's ok.

Take your time.

Sleep all day if you want to.

Numb yourself if that's what it takes.

Just don't leave us.

Don't leave us.

And if you do, take me with you.

You're not alone. I promise.

There's a bunch of people out there who wake up and cry with no reason. And we won't ask why because we know there's no way to answer it.

We just feel.

And it's ok.

We're human.

Cry and sleep and numb yourself and ignore that little voice in your head telling you to turn off life because it would be easier.

Would it be easier?

Who knows.

What if it isn't.

It's not time to find out yet.

So, hide, cry, sleep, listen to sad music, watch stupid videos, pay no attention at all, just breathe.

Breathe.

Once at a time. Four seconds in, four seconds out.

Hurt.

But keep hurting.

It will pass.

It will distract you.

Enjoy the pain for it will be too late when it stops hurting.

Even happiness hurts sometimes, right?

That feeling in your chest. In your cheeks. It's a good kind of pain.

If it keeps you from doing something that will never hurt again, then it's a good pain in my books.

And it's unhealthy, yes, but it's a way to keep the mind from considering short-term pain.

You know what I mean.

I've thought about it too. I've got plans. I've got notes.

And I'm still here ain't I?

I'm weak.

And if I'm still here, I know you can do it too.

At least do it for the food. Or the book you haven't finished yet. Or the movie you want to see once it comes out. Or the song you want to listen to, the concert you want to go to, the game you want to finish, the person you want to see grow up-

Find a lifeline and hold on to it as if your life depended on it.

It kind of does, doesn't it?

And maybe one day, we will be our own reason to live.

[imaginariumgeographica]

Being in bed by 22:30 after attending a wedding is truly an underrated joy. Had fun saw family danced a little ate many food and now its sleep time