#and Ruby just lived a childhood she never got and is mentally in line with being a teenager despite cumulative years

[seeminglyseph]

I feel like since it’s like magical realism and unlikely to happen in real life due to the fucking magic and shit… time travel or reborn in a child’s body stuff sometimes has a character like “I am having a physical or emotional response that seems more in like with my physical age than my mental age��

Like Erased all the bonding moments, or like half the scenes where Aqua in Oshi no Ko acts like a teenaged boy. And I think in these magical body swap universes it’s less a commentary on “are these people perverts” and a lot more… like more than sexual attraction causes reactions.

Like in Erased he’s constantly scolding himself for being 29, but he’s not having his heart race because he’s crushing on another kid, he’s having his heart race because he’s a human making an emotional connection with another person and that’s an intimidate thing, entirely isolated from sexuality and even romance. It doesn’t have to be that kind of thing to move you.

And that’s why Aqua can be like “I don’t actually even understand what feelings I am experiencing in this moment” because honestly he is going through puberty *again* and fucking *trauma* and he hasn’t fucking talked to *anybody* about it. This man is a boy and a mental illness terrarium, and lying is his love language. I don’t know what’s gonna happen to him. They don’t set up a genius type character like this to not have something humble him with the bitter reality of something he can’t do anything about. I’d started reading the manga.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 143 thoughts!

remember when tokyo blade was the longest most drawn out arc of oshi no ko. remember when that was our metric. i want to go back to those blissfully innocent days.

This chapter falls in line with a lot of other chunks of the Movie Arc where as a standalone tidbit of the story there are things about it that I like but taken in the greater context of everything around it, I have decidedly more mixed feelings on it. This is very much "chapter 123… 2!" with all that statement implies. If you liked 123, this will probably be like crack cocaine for you but if you were hoping for a more concrete resolution to what's going on with Aqua and Ruby then you're probably in the same boat as me in terms of coming away feeling frustrated.

Lacking resolution aside, I did really like a lot of what we got in this chapter, both in terms of the twins' relationship and as individual characterisation for them both. Immediately what stood out to me was Aqua's avoidant response to… well, basically everything Ruby says up to a point. It's funny to remember that he was the one who called Ai out on avoiding important conversations and yet here he is doing the very same thing. Like mother like son, huh?

Ruby's first line is also interesting. It definitely makes sense for her to fear a separation from Gorou given that it's basically happened twice now, but her specific fear that if she doesn't affirm his existence it will simply vanish implies a certain lack of security in his presence that I think is very interesting. We haven't really gotten enough time in Ruby's head for me to really dig into what that means for her, but I'm putting a pin in it nonetheless.

Aqua's response here also lines up with my prediction last chapter that we were heading for a rejection. Even if indirectly, he spends most of this chapter trying to turn Ruby away and shut her down without actually addressing her proposition, which I really don't blame him for lmao. Free my boy. Even when he does finally give Ruby an inch, so to speak, and start playacting as Gorou, it doesn't feel at all like a sincere moment of self expression. He's indulging her with a facsimile of their old dynamic, sure, but the actual words he's saying aren't particularly encouraging.

Of course, that's not how Ruby sees things. Or rather… That's not how Sarina sees things. She spends more or less this entire chapter with no stars in her eyes whatsoever. This makes a very interesting contrast with Aqua who, even in the moments that he identifies most strongly with his past self, never loses his stars. In this chapter, "Gorou Amamiya" is never anything more than an act for him but Ruby seems to have entirely returned to being Sarina, at least in this space.

Aqua snarks about her mental age not changing and I think this is truer then you might assume - I do think Ruby goes through a bit of a regression in this chapter and I mean this in an entirely value neutral sense. If you've ever returned to a place or people that defined a certain period of your life, it's very easy to find yourself slipping back into the mindset and behaviours that characterized you at that time. The quickest and easiest example of this is probably a person who lives on their own going back to their childhood home to spend the holidays with their siblings and parents. For better or worse, a return to old dynamics means a return to that old headspace - and that's just for regular people without any reincarnation baggage in the mix.

Ruby's experiences as Sarina have always been extremely foundational to her as a person and at least as of the private audition, she is characterized as seeing herself equally as both girls. So in a situation like this where she's finally getting to see and talk to Gorou again, it makes sense for "Sarina" to have taken the lead here.

As I've talked about before, this difference in how they individually view their reincarnation and how it affects their sense of self is always something that's had the potential to cause friction between the twins and we see it here, I think. The two of them aren't quite on the same page.

That said, this is a sweet conversation. It touches on the unique position the twins are in to give each other closure in a way nobody else really can. That said, it does feel really weird that this talk just… never happened before? I guess you could argue that this is a make or break point for their relationship and it took them being really pushed to have this honest of a talk but even then, I can't think of any real reason it didn't come sooner other than "the author didn't want it to happen yet".

i do have to ask though. where did aqua get those glasses. has he been wearing contacts this entire series and we never knew??

The question of to what degree the twins should be considered the people they were before their reincarnation has been a pretty consistent subject of debate in the fandom, particularly as pertains to Aqua. Wherever you stand on the issue though, I think Aqua is right when he says the Gorou Sarina wants him to be is a person who no longer exists. Too much time has passed and way too much has happened. Even removing reincarnation from the equation, there's not a person on this earth who's the exact same as they were 20 years ago. Living changes you just as much as dying does. Even if some intrinsic, unchanging core still exists, his experiences as Aqua Hoshino have changed him way too much for the "Gorou Amamiya" Ruby wants to see to be anything more than a performance.

more absolutely goated expression work from Mengo, btw: that wonky, rueful smile when Aqua first takes off Gorou's glasses. Sooooo good.

It's also just so so good to finally get some insight into what's going on with Aqua after he's been out of focus for so long. It's also really fantastic to finally see him let his walls down a bit and admit to some of the turmoil rolling around in his head. I think this is part of why we see him slip back into a single white hoshigan here; while the stuff he's saying here is concerning, it's honest. Possibly the most honest Aqua has been for a good long while and him finally letting himself be vulnerable with someone he trusts could be a really good positive step for him.

I say could be because… well, I don't think Ruby quite has a handle on how to help Aqua here. She's not even thinking of helping Aqua after all; she addresses him (in the Japanese text) as 'sensei' over and over to an almost excessive degree. Not only that but her responses to him are a little…

The core of this talk between Aqua and Ruby is the idea that Gorou-as-Aqua has changed in a way that leaves him unable to perform the role he once played in her life, while Ruby argues that nothing has changed. And like… to a degree, both of them are right and wrong. Gorou's core values are something Aqua inherited from him and they continue to drive him. But it simply isn't true that nothing has changed. Like I said up above: twenty entire years of living changes a person even before you factor in the trauma of Ai's death and everything Aqua has done to himself and other people in the name of avenging her. But this is something Ruby is unwilling or unable to see.

More great paneling work from Mengo: When Sarina hesitantly asks if 'Sensei' likes her, there is a very pointed beat panel of Aqua's face with his eyes hidden before he pops the Gorou act back on and goes 'uhhh yeah sure'. Once again, we see 'Gorou Amamiya' as avoidance and insincerity at least in the context of this chapter. It's an act Aqua is half-heartedly putting on but to Ruby-as-Sarina, this is the miracle of their reunion happening again before her eyes. And if they're 'Gorou' and 'Sarina' right now, what happens next shouldn't be a surprise.

And… this is the part of the chapter where I stop having nice things to say. Because believe it or not, I don't mind the kiss and I think in the context of this chapter, it makes a lot of sense and it helps to have had the story finally, explicitly lay down that this is 'Sarina' pursuing 'Gorou', at least from Ruby's POV. I also really liked the framing; that clashing of tones returns again, with the double spread shoujo looking kiss ruined by Aqua's pin-eyed look of alarm and dismay. This is the moment of tension breaking transgression the series has been building up to for over 140 chapters…

And we immediately cut away from addressing it. For at least one more week. I'm going to be really honest… this fucking infuriated me! It feels like an implicit admission that this is going to be needlessly dragged out even longer even though we finally had the perfect opportunity to properly address and solidify what is even going on with Aqua and Ruby right now. It feels like cynical reaction bait. It feels like a roided up version of 123 - throwing AquRuby shippers scraps so they'll keep reading while also avoiding undeniably canonizing an incest ship to not scare off the wider audience. My man has created the Schroedinger's Cat of incest. Is the guy in the box nailing his sister or not? Well gosh, you'd better tune in next week and maybe you'll find out!!!!

In short, the lack of resolution just sucks and the fact that it really seems like we're just leaving things there and moving on to something else makes me want to scream. The Movie Arc has been such an unfocused mess for so many chapters now and this really just takes the cake. Like… remember when this was supposed to be about Ai? Remember when this was supposed to be about finally digging into her past and her private life? If half the stuff in the script is just made up then why am I even supposed to get invested in what's going on in the movie in the first place?

At this point, I just desperately want this arc to be done so we can move on. Say what you will about Tokyo Blade's pacing, but at least that was focused and cohered with itself on a week to week basis. The Movie Arc by contrast feels so far removed from any of the ideas we started with that I have no clue what to expect or anticipate from it going forwards or if I should even bother to try.

[itsclydebitches]

A weird defence I've seen of RWBY's conflicts has been that it's good writing simply by the virtue that people can disagree on what's the right thing to do in said conflict. Which doesn't work when one decision is being presented as the only valid choice while every other option is either not addressed or demonized. This isn't a story leaving a nuanced set of stances to explore, it's a guy on stage signalling the crowd to boo whenever someone goes against the Protag's decision.

Real quick, I want to talk about RWBY by not talking about RWBY. I’ve seen this argument a lot too and the tl;dr is that just because your audience debates the right action in a conflict  — something that is inevitable given how subjective media is  — doesn’t mean the story encouraged that reflection in any way. As you say, RWBY pretends that those disagreements don’t exist and that This Is The One (1) Right Answer... which entirely defeats the purpose of a morally nuanced situation in the first place. That lack is bad writing because it demonstrates the author’s inability to provide an accurate picture of the conflict while still ensuring we come out of it liking the parties involved. The conflict was too complex for them to manage alongside equally complex characterization, so they just pretended it was far simpler than it actually was. That’s not something to praise. 

But to get to the not RWBY part. I’ve mentioned this a couple times before, but one of the scenes that I think manages these sorts of conflicts really well is the funeral fight in The Haunting of Hill House, episodes 6, “Two Storms.” So warning from here on out for spoilers. Sometimes, the best way to see what’s not working well in one show is to look at another show that does (basically) the same thing successfully and compare the two. 

Normally I’d include screenshots, but Netflix doesn’t allow that :/ So I’m forced to rely on bullet points. 

The basic premise is that the Crain family has assembled in daughter Shirley’s funeral home, the night before they bury their sister, Nell. A lot of secrets are about to come to light. 

The scene kicks off when their father, Hugh, relays the call he got from the housekeeper the night of Nell’s death. She had committed suicide in the family’s childhood home. 

Though everyone knew how she’d died, son Steven is distraught at hearing the details and reveals that a few weeks prior Nell crashed a book signing of his. This shocks the others given that this was very unusual behavior for Nell. 

Shirley likewise reveals that she got a call from Nell who’d been worried about their brother, Luke, but hadn’t spoken to her the night of her death. The implication is that no one did. They’ll never know what was going through her head the night she died. 

Hugh reveals that she did call him. “I talked to her.” 

Stunned by this news, his children demand to know what was discussed and Hugh is clearly reluctant to continue. However, he eventually says that Nell wasn’t just worried about Luke, but also the “Bent Neck Lady,” a specter from her childhood.

The viewer knows that ghosts are real in this show. The kids don’t. Or rather, they all experienced supernatural occurrences in their childhood, are still experiencing them now, but only some of them are willing to admit they’re real. Steven is the diehard skeptic of the bunch and starts yelling at his father, accusing him of aiding Nell’s delusions and ignoring a family history of mental illness. In particular, he declares that this “makes you culpable [in her death].” 

Steven continues to accuse Hugh of “holding back information” about Nell and Hugh shoots back that “If I held back anything it was to protect you kids.” The viewer understands Hugh’s dilemma: the only reason he keeps things to himself is because Steven and the others refuse to believe the truth, with an added dose of this supernatural stuff being very dangerous. Steven asks, “Why do I need protection from the truth?” 

Before their fight can go any further, Shirley tells Steven, “You might want to check yourself before you start talking about the truth.” He published an autobiographical book about their childhood trauma and notably capitalized on a supernatural angle he doesn’t believe in. Shirley calls it “blood money.” 

As the argument about the ethics of his book rages, Shirley defends herself primarily with how everyone else thinks this is “blood money” too. No one took a cut when Steven offered one, proving how despicable they all think it is. 

Meanwhile, sister Theo has been getting heat for being drunk (a coping mechanism for her own supernatural troubles) and Shirley eventually pushes her far enough that she admits she did take Steven’s money and used it to get her degree. “It’s good, fucking money.” Suddenly, Steven has someone in his corner and Shirley’s main defense has crumbled. 

Shirley is furious that Theo had this secret income but was still living with her and her husband. Theo reminds her that she offered to pay rent, but Shirley isn’t interested in hearing that. She demands that Theo move out immediately and uses this betrayal as the new way to protect herself. She’s the victim here. 

Steven, sensing another secret in the works, cautions Shirley to “get off your high horse before you fall off.” 

Shirley maintains her position until her husband blurts that they also took Steven’s money. Shirley hasn’t been running the funeral home well and they would have sunk without it. 

Despite being the punching bag for the second half of this fight, Shirley is offered both reassurance and dignity. Her husband emphasizes that the only reason they’re struggling is because Shirley is a good person. She does too much work pro bono. Shirley also delivers the line, “Do you have any idea how much you’ve humiliated me?” calling into question the husband’s choice to admit this now, purely as a way to prove her wrong. 

Shirley leaves to get some distance and discovers that someone — something — has put buttons over Nell’s eyes. The shock of this keeps the fight from continuing and, as plot intervenes, gives the characters the space needed to eventually start healing and forgiving one another, notably by sitting with the various truths they all now have to grapple with. 

Phew! A long summary, but I’ve put this much detail in to highlight the nuance of the scene. Obviously RWBY would differ in many ways  — less cursing, for one  — but the core elements of any morally complex scene should be the same. The important takeaways here are that no one in the Crain family are “pure” or “evil” and everyone gets their chance to be both right and wrong. Hugh is right that Steven won’t listen to him and wrong in that he didn’t do enough to help his kids. We get Steven and Hugh’s frustration, their understanding of the world at odds with one another. Steven is wrong to put everything on his father and justified in starting his writing career with their story. We watch the scene move from “Steven is Wrong and everyone agrees” to “Oh shit nm, more and more of the family are revealing that they benefited from his money, complicating how “wrong” he actually is.” Shirley is right to point out that Theo is getting drunk during their sister’s funeral and Theo is right to point out that being drunk doesn’t erase having a good point. Theo is allowed to scream at the group and then immediately be offered help when she falls. Shirley pretends she’s better than all of them and is slowly, horrifyingly proven wrong, but is then still extended compassion and is allowed to point out how horribly they’ve just treated her. The husband is right about the money, wrong about keeping it a secret/revealing it the way he did, right in how he tries to diffuse the other fights, and VERY wrong by getting caught kissing Theo down in the storeroom! 

The scene twists and turns in a way that highlights everyone’s points and their flaws, the moments when their perspective should be upheld and questioned. The end result is a scene that has space for the audience to debate everyone’s choices without imposing the single view of This Person Is Obviously Wrong/Right and If You Think Otherwise You’re Not Watching The Show Correctly. The show itself acknowledges the complexity and nuance of these problems. It asks, “Hugh should have tried harder, but what more can he do when his kids literally don’t believe this stuff exists? Was Steven really justified in writing a book about their collective experiences? What does it mean that something his family sees as capitalizing on their trauma also helped them keep businesses and schooling afloat? Was it okay for Shirley’s husband to keep that money a secret, even if it helped them? How might he have told her in a less cruel manner? What about Shirley’s life has led to her intense need to be on that ‘high horse’?” 

And of course: “Who is really responsible for Nell’s death?” By this point the viewer already knows that there is no “really” here. This is too complicated a tragedy to lay the blame at any one person’s feet. Everyone in this room has moments of justified accusations and moments of chastisement because they’re well written, well rounded characters who are neither saints nor devils. The length of the scene (done in a single shot!) emphasizes that if you just wait long enough, even the most perfect looking person will eventually have a skeleton pulled from their closet. No one is above mistakes. 

RWBY has NONE of that. Zip. Nada. Nothing. RWBY gave us a scenario with many of the same, core themes  — secret keeping, secrets unwillingly revealed, blaming others for your mistakes, hurtful actions with helpful consequences, questioning who is responsible for a tragic death  — and instead of even attempting to give us some of the above nuance, RWBY said only that Ruby was right, Ozpin was wrong, and demanding that the audience ignore the nuance they could already see in order to accept the canon. 

RWBY’s scene asks the audience to play dumb and look at the world as a Black and White place, despite the show simultaneously insisting that “the world isn’t a fairy tale” and is, in fact, filled with shades of gray. 

Just not any shades of gray that mess with that dichotomy that now drives the story.  

That’s not good writing. It’s oblivious and contradictory writing that makes the audience frustrated. Not satisfied, surprised, contemplative, or curious. Just frustrated. 

[bigsteeb]

this is gonna be a long post so bear with me, growing pains got a b i g emotional reaction out of me & I need to share my thoughts & feelings about it because jesus fucking christ.

ok first things first, someone hug this boy immediately. he’s sat in his room, still in his pajamas, in day time watching dog copter. this whole scene is just steven going “lol I’m sad, I’m gonna comfort eat & stay in my pajamas & watch a kids show I watched when I wasn’t as sad haha” & it’s not only upsetting, but relatable too fuck. his room is a mess along with him eating ice cream at what I assume is morning… making it his breakfast? geez steven. also idk if it’s just me here but in this shot he looks… bigger? like ignoring his body size shifting later on in the episode he looks a lot wider than he usually does when paul & drew board episodes to me, he’s rivalling etienne & maya’s steven’s wideness. did he… get chubbier from comfort eating? how much time has passed since together forever for him to put on weight if he has? this could literally just be steven slouching or his pajamas making him look bigger but as someone who is an advocate for the body positivity shown in su & suf it has me curious. I want to hug this soft, sad boy. It could also be due to how steven’s design fluctuates through the animation process, it’s never really on model all the time. 

the grunting noise he makes in this scene is very distressing, as are other moments from the episode too. a glimpse at the glow-bracelet he proposed to connie with is enough to physically pain him? fuck me man. is he leaving his room where there’s already ice cream… to get more ice cream? sobs. also the puns in this shot. I cant? slow burn?! you’re evil crewniverse. not to mention his body size changing throughout this scene, god this poor lad.

screams, this was when I started worrying. the boy is now in an environment he has never been in before & is feeling extremely uncomfortable & vulnerable. look at the lines under his eyes, his sad eyebrows & pout I hate it. also don’t even get me started on this part. the slight raise of a voice being enough to send him into panic?! fuck I hate how much I relate to that. 

here’s where I immediately broke, no god damn pun intended. seeing steven’s skeleton, steven’s fucking skull, like this pained me. that crack on his skull is from fucking jasper in jail break. I can’t express all of the visceral emotions that were going through my body at this. there was intense sadness for steven, extreme anger at jasper & the gems for allowing shit like this to happen to him. turns out he’s not as resilient as we thought he was. each hit he takes physically breaks him & then his gem instantly heals his wounds, my heart fucking broke at this. think back to everything that happened to him, everything that physically hurt him. it broke him I can’t deal with it! then there’s what priyanka says to steven next;

“you seem to of made a series of miraculous recoveries, but that doesn't change the fact that you experienced trauma. you’ve recovered physically but, have you recovered mentally?”

this part here along with her reassuring him that there’s nothing wrong with his brain, how childhood trauma can have an impact on how your body responds to stress & how you act in your social life, the usage of the word “cortisol” too. this stuff being in a children's tv show is incredible. the writing for priyanka describes trauma simply enough for kids to understand, but for adults to fully realise too. folks, steven has ptsd. there wasn't one bit of sugarcoating about it or nothing, this is canon fact & it hurts me. for so long have I wanted steven’s emotional issues to be alked about, to not only be brought to steven’s attention but to the audience’s too.

everything that has happened to him has built up to this moment. this moment where his behaviour & coping methods are finally making sense to a large majority of the fandom, & to steven himself. he’s hurting; physically, mentally & emotionally, & he isn’t coping well what so ever about it. his emotional support system is complete garbage, no one regularly checks in on him & folks just take steven at face value like “oh yea glowing pink? he’s fine it’s just steven” but he’s the bad person?! I hope a lot of you out there who genuinely believe steven is a bad person re-think yourselves after this. dealing with trauma is tough as shit. some days you even wonder if that one thing that fucked you up is really worth being labelled as trauma. I still can’t believe this is the route they’re taking, if he doesn’t get some form of therapy by the end of future I’ll be furious.

then things begin to spiral as he remembers what happened with connie. he clutches his chest in pain & begins changing size over intense amounts of stress & it was extremely distressing to watch. steven immediately reassures connie that this isn’t because of her, but because of everything else that happened to him. however. I believe that that’s a slight lie, he wouldn’t of spiralled if he hadn’t of remembered the proposal, steven you fucking himbo. he continues to reassure them both that he’s fine, just that he needs them to leave so he can calm himself enough to control himself.

then this happens.

“I. CAN’T. BE AROUND YOU RIGHT NOW!”

this was fucking intense. he means this literally in 2 ways btw. his body size shifting over the stress he’s feeling is a danger to both connie & priyanka in this moment, but it’s also because of how it started. being around connie hurts him. he’s not mad at her though let me make that very clear, just that thinking about what happened when he tired to propose to her is sending his head in a fritz. he did what he did full of confidence in together forever, for connie to then make him realise how silly he was being. these two are destined for each other, but that advice from ruby & sapphire has really fucked with him. he looks up to those 2, looks up to garnet, their relationship is so strong & stable. for them to give him that advice & to then scream “DO IT!” in his face is incredibly tasteless imo.

then greg gets here. I knew connie was calling for either greg or the gems when she was on her phone as she left the room, fuck yea connie I love you. the breathless, strained “thank you” from steven towards connie for calling his dad? g o d. connie telling him she’ll be there for him when he’s ready?! g o d. these next boards were done by rebecca, I knew immediately when I saw steven’s face. it makes sense that rebecca boarded these, because fuck. 

how do I move on from all of the stuff I’ve been through? how do I live life if it always feels like I’m about to die!?

I’m tearing up as I type this. when I first heard the leak of this audio I so badly wanted to believe it, but to also believe it was fake too. I was an emotional mess off & on for about 3 days over it because I couldn't stop thinking about how fucking distressing it was. like… shit steven. he seriously feels this. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain he felt just saying this in front of his fucking dad. he is hurting badly. this boy, this sweet sweet boy we’ve watched grow & develop into the person he is today is distraught about his future & life. it is… soul crushing to watch this. a group of friends of mine have found joking about the episode as a form of coping with the intensity of it & as much as that’s valid as fuck, any joke coming from this episode feels morally wrong to me. I can’t bring myself to join in it feels terrible even thinking about laughing at it to cope. I love them all, but I can’t bare myself to join them. this moment ending with greg comforting steven, telling him he’s here for him & all of his struggles, got me weeping. greg is possible the best father figure I’ve seen on tv, let alone a kids tv show. he’s amazing.

the final scene right here is lovely. greg making steven a hot chocolate & listening to him vent, reassuring him over his worry for his future. this right here is exactly what steven needs. someone to talk to, someone he could trust to talk about his feelings to. this the start of his support system, tag on peri from in dreams, bis in bismuth casual as well as connie from the past few episodes & it’s already looking great! even when greg eased him about being there for him steven still feels guilty about him leaving his tour, leaving his tour because he got a phone call from connie about his son being in need & steven feels guilty about it. fucking hell man. I did enjoy how the episode ended though, with that little moment between the both of them;

“just get some rest kiddo. you don’t have to solve all of your problems in one night.”

“yea. thanks dad.”

it’s a great message too, all of your struggles can’t be dealt with all at once. I’ve used a similar analogy before but it’s like removing a dead tree. you have to deal with all of the little things surround this issue first before you get to the deep, harder stuff. along side the message about trauma they’re both very important messages, I’m glad they exist in the show.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

one more thing before I end my thoughts & feelings over growing pains.

this ending shot;

as soon as I saw the frog mug my mind raced back to the promo for this scene, & this whole moment to come entirely. if you remember this moment has the first set of leaked audio within it, the audio of the gems basically cornering steven about him not opening up to them. christ pearl even gets mad at him for his gem building a wall behind him, protecting him from them. it’s common knowledge, I hope, that steven’s gem reacts to his emotional state. pearl herself has said this;

“I think your gem is reacting to your state of mind.”

his gem building this wall? it felt like steven was being threatened by them. this scene now has awful connotations with it. because since we now know what the pink mode is doing to steven, how actually painful it is, think back to these;

yea. fuck the gems. I’ll let it slide if steven, greg or priyanka haven’t told them about what happened at the hospital. but if they do know, if they know how much it hurts steven being in his pink mode & still press into him about it I’ll see red. with steven’s trauma & now ptsd being cemented into the show I fucking hope garnet, amethyst & pearl get held accountable for what they put on him as a kid. that shit will not slide with me if they don’t. do not condone what the gems put him through. do not condone the gems for making steven feel like he had to be his mum for them. just… don’t. please.

[dawniebb]

Thoughts about Renegades

ALRIGHT FOLKS, TAKE A SEAT BC I’M ABOUT TO KICK MYSELF OUT OF THIS FANDOM :’)

Not really

But I’m going to rant for a while so perhaps you can go grab a snack or something :’)

So…I LOVE Renegades and I always will but I’ve been thinking about some of the things that seem…off to me. Not that they’re a big deal ofc (because I love Renegades in a really dumb and blind way) but some of them are quite unpopular opinions among the fandom, so I’m finally going to share them in case someone out there feels the same way X’DDDDD

They’re not in any particular order. Here we go:

- I completely stan the idea of Nova and Oscar and Nova and Callum being brotp material, but I stan Nova and Callum way more, not because I don’t like Nova and Oscar, but because I think it was genuinely good (and healthy) for Nova to have a friend out of Adrian’s circle. I mean, she’s been isolated most of her life now, and when I realized she finally had someone of her own… like, a person she met with whom she connected without Adrian introducing them to her, was a HUGE step. Callum is one of my favorite characters in the whole series, and when the t h i n g  happened I was devastated for MYSELF *sobs* but also because MM took him away from Nova. She opened to him more than she ever opened to Oscar throughout the three books. Sorry not sorry :’).

- AS A YOUNG ADULT (I’LL BE 20 IN MAY, YOU GUYS) let me tell you that all these dumbasses act like completely normal teenagers and all their shitty decisions sound like something I would’ve done when I was their age. Actually, the Team Sketch really reminds me of my own circle of friends. I’ve seen you guys complain about Adrian acting extremely dumb for his age but GUYS HE’S FUCKING 17. WHEN I WAS 17 I WAS AS CLUELESS AS HIM. ALL MY FRIENDS WERE. AND IT WAS SO STUPID IT HURT BUT SHIT BE LIKE THAT SOMETIMES. I was the Nova among them. That is: I joined their group hella late and one of the guys became my crush. I was so dumb I told him he was my crush when I was defeated on the floor with a dislocated knee because I was having a breakdown and I legit thought I was D Y I N G. Teenagers.Are.Like.That.

- HOWEVER, EVEN IF I JUST SAID ALL OF THAT….And I want to believe all of you agree with me: I don’t justify Oscar. It’s okay being a dumb teenager, but you can’t just ask your crush to be your girlfriend during a PUBLIC EXECUTION. That wasn’t romantic. At all. If I were Ruby I would’ve been really offended, no joke. (AT LEAST WHEN I TOLD *MY* CRUSH WHILE I THOUGHT MY LEG WAS GOING TO BE AMPUTATED, WE WERE IN CHORUS CLASS. ALL THE GUYS WERE SINGING TO ME BC THEY THOUGHT THAT WOULD CALM ME DOWN. IT WAS A GROSS AND ODDLY SWEET MOMENT, YOU KNOW?).

- I feel like Ruby is…I’m not going to say mistreated, but…Idk. I feel like she’s trying her best and she’s kind to everyone in the group and in some parts of the books they just…forget about her :’). (This may be Marissa’s fault, though). Which makes me really sad, because she’s genuinely sweet and I felt like she was the most welcoming to Nova since the very beginning (Apart from Adrian, of course).

- I’m part of the “Leroy switched sides at some point” squad, but at the same time I believe he’s just very, VERY chaotic neutral and (I’m never giving up on this) since he loved Nova, he would just stick to the side where they promised to keep her safe, even if that meant being jumping back and forth between the Renegades and the Anarchists.

- I ALSO BELIEVE WINSTON MAH BOI SAW A LOT OF HIMSELF IN NOVA. To my particular point of view, his mental state was the most stable when she moved with them. He unconsciously tried to stop her from becoming what he’d become and the Anarchists realized that, so when they found Ace’s little human weapon being threatened, they just teared her away from Winston, which caused his mental health to go downhill again until he ended up all psychotic (which is how we got to meet him during Renegades).

- Honey had way more complicated issues than just being “evil”. Yes. She’s dead. And me defending her won’t make her less dead. And I know she got what she deserved because she was…completely out of control and Marissa tends to kill those who are too far gone (take Levana as an example). But I think that if she hadn’t neglected her own mental health so much she would’ve had a chance; Honey had good in her :’) maybe, before meeting Ace, she was a different person. Like, it’s mentioned she grew up in a small farm. I think she fell in love with him at some point and, by the way he talks to her sometimes, I’m *almost* sure he knew that, so he tried to take advantage of the situation to keep her in line, even though he had no intention to reciprocate her feelings. Sure, Honey is a manipulative brat, but she’s a hundred times worse when she knows Ace is around or when she knows she has a chance to get him back (she goes batshit crazy in the cathedral, you know?). Ace was a power-hungry sociopath/psychopath and she was a depressed, also power-hungry woman who was in love with him. And that’s a BAD combination. Honey Harper was hopeless… and I think she even showed some signs of Stockholm Syndrome.

- Still, Honey and Nova’s relationship reminds me a lot of my relationship with my dad. Theirs was a toxic relationship, but since I’ve been through that (still going through that), I refuse to believe it will be easy for Nova to overcome her death *that* easily. They loved each other in a…violent, weird way, but Honey was Nova’s mother more than Tala ever got the chance to be (because Ace took that opportunity away from her) and if Honey hadn’t been so –like I mentioned before- hopeless, they could’ve fixed their relationship until it was normal and healthy, because Honey showed signs of loving Nova, and Nova showed signs of loving her.

- Every death in Supernova had a very specific narrative purpose but, even if I hate Evander as much as y’all do, I think his death was done for the sake of the shock factor afgshja like, he died in such a sudden, meaningless way :’).

- Tamaya is nothing but wasted potential. You have a savage, feral, badass woman with w i n g s and the only thing she does is getting her fucking face burned and throwing fists with entitled teenagers.

- I LIVE for Simon and Hugh as couple, but (gosh, saying this makes me feel really guilty) the fact that they didn’t share not even ONE kiss throughout the trilogy made me feel really queerbaited :’). Same thing happened with Danna and Narcissa, but I think that was PLAIN half-assed.

-Why doesn’t Adrian has Simon’s last name as well? :’)

- ADRIAN NEEDS THERAPY AS MUCH AS NOVA DOES. LET’S BREAK THIS DOWN, HERE WE GO:

*So, we know that Marissa Meyer’s male characters are always really sweet and kind and wholesome and omg :’)…and then there’s fucking Jacin (whom I love, but that doesn’t minimize the fact he shall burn in hell X’DDDD) . I mean, he’s kind…to Winter and Winter only…and Cress…sometimes. When it comes to Winter, he’s capable of a lot, A LOT of things. He comes off as rude many times (especially to Cinder, during Cress) and…yeah. He looks like he could kill you and he could ACTUALLY kill you; I feel like the fandom moves Adrian to …whatever category Kai’s in….but I’m not sure that’s the case. Let’s analyze Cinder’s equivalent to Nova’s bracelet: Peony’s chip; Kai was mad at Cinder, FUCKING mad. But once he kinda figured out Cinder was grieving his sister and keeping the only thing she had left from her for emotional reasons, he didn’t, under any circumstance, no matter how much he hated Cinder at the moment, want that chip to be taken away from her. Kai had lost his father. He KNEW what it felt like and he didn’t want anyone to feel the same way, because he SAW Cinder suffer her little sister’s death. Adrian had lost his mother and he knew Nova had lost both her mother and her father AND her little sister; she had opened up enough to tell him that bracelet was the only thing she had left from her father…and when he learned Nova was Nightmare, instead of interrogating her, taking a sample of her blood or things like that, he straight took her bracelet. Because Adrian was hurt and he wanted her to be hurt too, so he took away the one thing that mattered the most to her and THAT WASN’T VERY KAI OF HIM IF YOU ASK ME. My point is, sadly: Adrian is ABSOLUTELY traumatized due to his mother’s death (who wouldn’t?) and now that he knows he indirectly killed her he will only get WORSE. He hated Nova for being Nightmare just because he thought she had something to do with Georgia’s death, so when things went to shit, he did her in the dirtiest way he could, making her feel hated and unwanted, which were Nova’s delicate spots afgshja…like, Adrian’s capable of a lot of things(just like Jacin). He NEEDS therapy. Now.

- The heated kiss scene during Archenemies is both heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time (besides…you know, heated). Nova’s so touch-starved she gets overwhelmed when Adrian suddenly gives her all the physical affection she didn’t have during her childhood. And…I feel it was a very intimate moment between both of them, because they were physically and emotionally invested and omg. This only makes my previous point (about the bracelet) more horrible, because I can’t imagine how she must’ve felt when he took away her bracelet with so.much.hatred.

-WE DESERVED TO KNOW THE CHANGES THAT WERE MADE TO THE SYSTEM BC TBH THE RENEGADES SYSTEM WAS SHITTY AF… It’s like…they claimed to be against what the Anarchists did but then suddenly they were doing the same things themselves. And I don’t think that’s fair. The Renegades acted as messed up as the Anarchists during Supernova. They wanted to EXECUTE a MINOR who committed MINOR CRIMES. I mean, what did Nightmare even do? Right, she tried to assassinate Hugh but she FAILED, and she neutralized Team Frostbite in SELF-DEFENSE and in Max’s defense.

- Besides, the way Anarchists were treated was...really inhuman. As far as I understand, they didn’t have access to public services or anything like that. What if they needed meds? Where did they get their food from? Did they have, like, fucking running water? Electricity? There are also three women among them and they get *periods*, people, and *period stuff* is expensive as fuck. Like, did they have to steal tampons? And if they did…were they chased because of it? Even though they had no way to get income in a legal way because they were Anarchists and being out there like normal people was against the rules for them? Lol?

- JESUS THAT SYSTEM REALLY NEEDED TO BE CHANGED LMAO AFGSHJA

-Also, Cragmoor? Wtf.

- AND, LAST BUT NOT LEAST, NOT BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY BUT BECAUSE THIS IS TOO LONG ALREADY: It think Nova and Evie have been apart for too long and it’s going to be hard for them to create a bond. They’ll have to get used to it, because it’s going to be confusing for Nova and, given the fact Evie’s personality is…like that, I think she’ll go as far to blame Nova like “But you were SUPPOSED to look for me.”

I rest my case.

[hardheadedbighearted]

Since Hayley is dying of no-Covid juice and I don't have any other watermelons stuffed with hamburger meat to chase around my enclosure for enrichment right now, I thought it might be a good chance to talk about some of my characters' relationships with gender.

(eta: Apparently it's non-binary people's day so I'm going to pretend that's why)

So, it doesn't get many opportunities to come up, but while most of my characters use the pronouns given to them by canon, that doesn't mean all of them are binary; it just means they all have binary pronouns (for various reasons, which I'll get into in a second). Along with "not really coming up much", another reason is that the characters themselves aren't really there yet, or because even I don't know what their gender will do once they actually get there.

Anyway, all that said, here are some of the characters that I know are non-binary, or who otherwise lack what we would think of as a traditional relationship with gender (which I'll explain in a minute).

-Neopolitan {Redacted}: Neo is the most obvious example, and the only one I've been able to have come up on screen that wasn't an oc. Neo's gender is "all", and "all your gender are belong to us", and "this gender is mine", and "gender: yes". When it comes to pronouns, her stance is not so much "I use all pronouns" as "all pronouns are equally correct". Most people default (herself included) to she just because she is to all appearances a woman, but if someone were to break out a he or a they or a xe or a hir or etc, she's not going to care or likely even notice unless a big deal is made.

However, Neo does at times take on personas in order to do her job, and her personas will sometimes have very different stances on their genders. Gideon, for example, uses exclusively they; if memory serves, the sphynx cat from the raid was a he, and the black cat with the green eyes that is underneath Neo's many illusions is exclusively a she. (There's a reason for this, but she informs me it's none of your business.)

(In before, the black cat with the green eyes is not Neo's "true" identity; insofar as she thinks of any of her personas as the "true" self, that would be Neo, the black cat with the green eyes is just her natural form. This is why the black cat with the green eyes doesn't have a name and is usually referred to using the name of the strawberry calico. The reasons for this are, again, none of your business.)

-Yang Xiao Long and Weiss Schneebird: I'm listing both of these together because they're both in the camp of "haven't gotten there yet" with a healthy dose of "I don't know what they'll do when they do get there". I know that I, personally, don't see either Yang or Weiss as binary girls, nor do I feel the urge to rub my trans man fingers all over them (that's for Ruby... maybe. we'll see). I think Yang will likely end up somewhere on the Butch side of the Butch/Trans cusp; I've been reading a lot of blogs from trans men and transmasc individuals recently and them talking about their experience, and I feel like Yang will probably settle in somewhere in that arena. Weiss, on the other hand... look, okay. Honesty time: years ago during an event I won't talk about, I threw out "nonbinary Weiss" as a counterexample to a point I shouldn't have even had to make, and that single, throwaway suggestion has lived in my brain rent-free for years. Now that I have finally moved past the part of me that is still bitter about what happened (okay.. I'm still bitter, but not as much as before), I feel safe to explore that without the negative associations. Also, I saw an edit last year of Weiss with short hair, and it unlocked something in my brain. I think Weiss will end up somewhere unadjacent to binary (contrary to Yang moving along the feminine to masculine line), with an attachment to certain specific identity labels as removed from the context of a binary identity. Also given how long this turned out probably I shouldn't have made them the same bullet point. (Side note, this early gender questioning is why Yang took care to ask Neo's pronouns.)

-Qrow and Raven: Okay, so this one is the one I meant when I alluded to "non-traditional relationships with gender". While both twins do exist on what we would think of as a binary axis (while not identifying either as binary or nonbinary man/woman, respectively), they didn't get there in the traditional "assigned at birth" or "transition" way.

See, here's the thing about ravens: they don't have much sexual dimorphism to speak of. Males are typically larger than females, but with such a broad overlap that even size isn't that reliable. From this, I headcanon that in DT society, ravens (and other birds that have matching genitals and no dimorphism) don't really have a concept of "assigned at birth gender". You find out what sex you are once puberty hits, and gender is something that ravens just explore, sometimes settling very quickly into one thing and sometimes trying on lots, sometimes moving fluidly throughout their entire life.

When it comes to their actual sex, we know that Raven is female. Qrow... I genuinely don't know. I know based on certain things coming down the pipeline it's a high probability that he's also female, but those are just loosely based on my assumptions about how those loose ideas will play out, and are irrelevant and unlikely to come up anyway.

As far as their relationship with genders go, Qrow settled into male sometime during childhood, while Raven tried on genders for awhile before deciding sometime in her twenties that female was "close enough". However, for both of them gender is about how they're perceived externally, and doesn't mean much as far as their internal relationship with gender goes (which is basically nonexistent).

Will also say that there was a time when Raven was absolutely prepared to try on male for awhile to see if it would get James into bed with her, but that was more out of horniness than anything else. When it's been awhile and your best friend is hot, just got fitted with a metal dick he should probably take for a test run, and is pining for your identical twin, a girl will consider anything. Apparently.

Note regarding Yang re: raven genders, Yang is half-tanager and appeared more tanager than raven until adolescence, so Raven kind of got vetoed by Tai and Summer (not in a deliberate way, just sort of happened like that). However, both Yang and Ruby were raised to think of their assigned gender as a "default setting" that they could change at any point they so chose.

-Reese Chloris: This one will come up as soon as I get the opening for it; Reese is a transmasculine woman, and is in fact early into hrt (this is why I took care to specify her as a peahen when she first turned up). She is also a straight transmasculine woman, something that she's only recently come to accept about herself, because of course a woman who wants to look like a man to the point of taking hormones to make that happen has to be sapphic, right? Reese is still on a journey when it comes to her gender and identity; the three things she knows for sure positive are: 1, wants to kiss boys, 2, doesn't want to be boys, 3, wants to be mistaken for boys.

-Emerald Sustrai: Listen, Mercury's comment that "Emerald's not a girl, she's Emerald" is easy to dismiss as Mercury not thinking of his partner as a potential romantic pursuit until you remember that Mercury and Emerald share a dreamscape and a mental connection and that Mercury is trans, and you start to wonder if maybe he just knows something we don't.

Anyway, Emerald's not a girl, she's Emerald. What that will mean for her... well, that's actually one of the ones that I already know, but Emerald hasn't gotten there yet. Give her time. :)

-Lie Ren: He's never actually onscreen, but I always sort of envision Ren as menderfluid- never a woman, not always a man. He's also aro-ace, but that's unrelated. I just wanted to put that out there. ("But Theo! What about Renora?!" What about Renora?)

-Neon Katt: Nonbinary woman. There's not much to say about this one; Neon just considers the box of "cis woman" to be too stifling for her taste. Strictly speaking she's a she/they and even has a pin advertising this, but it's never come up outright.

-Roman Torchwick and Robyn Hill: Binary man and woman, just not in the traditional way. Not gonna elaborate, they just belong on the list. Don't worry about it.

[let-it-raines]

Hi sweetheart!💙 Can I request a prompt? Maybe something to do with high school sweethearts being reunited years later when they've both grown? Happiness but with angst!

Emma’s fingers never stop tapping against the steering wheel as she drives down the two-lane road that’s lined with trees flush with deep green leaves, the summer blooms coming into full effect as the middle of June rolls in. This place has always been beautiful, scenic even in the darkness of night, and she knows that if she takes a left just up the road there’s a small lake where she used to spend her summer afternoons and evenings after she got off of work at Shrimpy’s down by the beach. That’s still the dumbest name for a restaurant, especially for a place that’s specialty wasn’t even shrimp.

It was lobster rolls.

This is Maine after all.

But they’d all go out – she, David, Mary Margaret, Ruby, Killian, sometimes a few stragglers – and spend time at that lake on days when it was a little too crowded at the beach to spend their nights there. No one ever went there, no parents or cops or obnoxious middle schoolers who had just gotten their curfew extended, and they had the place to themselves. There was this fallen tree there, one where the weather and overuse had worn down the middle to feel like a smooth seat, and it sat just over the water so that her feet would dangle and her toes dip into the water. That was her favorite spot, especially on nights where the sky was clear and she could see the stars, and a good half of her favorite teenage memories came from sitting there and talking to her friends before diving into the water without a care in the world.

The other half of her best memories came from sitting on this little flat part of the roof on the Jones’ house. It was just outside of Killian’s bedroom window, probably why he chose that bedroom when they moved here in middle school, and on nights when she could sneak away from her foster home, on the nights where Ingrid went to bed early, she’d find herself sitting on that little patch of roof with Killian’s thigh pressing into hers as they talked about anything, everything, and all that laid in between those two extremes. The two of them met on his first day of school here, the lanky British student who was the talk of the town being seated next to her in their pre-algebra class, and he kind of just…well, Killian Jones stuck.

He stuck with her through that class, through all of their classes that year, and when they moved to Storybrooke High the next year, they stuck together even when they didn’t have classes together. It was odd, really. She didn’t have a lot of friends, never really had. For the first ten years of her life she’d been in Portland, but then her foster parents decided they didn’t want to be foster parents anymore and she lived in a group home before she moved in with Ingrid in Storybrooke. It’s difficult being the new kid, especially the new kid without parents, and it took her awhile to find her place in Storybrooke. It’s not a huge city, not like Portland or Boston, but it’s big enough that one can feel small amongst the crowds. And when she wasn’t (isn’t) the most outgoing person in the world, making friends became all the more difficult. But then came another new kid, one with only a mom for a parent and with a different accent, and suddenly she had a friend. And when they got to high school and Killian joined the baseball team, suddenly she had David too. With David came Mary Margaret and with Mary Margaret came Ruby, and while there were others, those were the people she was closest to.

And then one day at the end of sophomore year after a playoff game, their team winning, Killian pulled her into his arms for a hug and kissed the living daylights out of her before he put her on the ground. It wasn’t her first kiss, not even her second, but of all of her firsts with different guys, she’ll always remember that one. That was the one that pressed the start button to fall in love with her best friend.

They’d been happy. She’d been happy. She was loved and felt loved for really the first time, and then, like in every cliché high school movie, high school ended. But there was no riding off into the sunset. There was one last summer together before Killian went to basic training for the Navy and she moved to Boston for college. They’d tried to stay together. Of course they did. They were in love, helplessly really, but time and distance apart separated them emotionally more than it did physically. It’s a funny thing. He was her best friend for six years, her boyfriend for two and a half, but in a year it all dissolved through missed phone calls, unanswered letters, and cancelled weekend visits.

They talked still, but it wasn’t nearly enough. There were strained, more depressing conversations than happy ones, and after one fight, one that had her face red and her eyes wet, she ended it.

She ended them.

Life moved on as it always does, and she finished out college, got a job as an investigator at a law firm, and fell in love with Neal because she wasn’t supposed to pine over her high school boyfriend.

Neal, who she lived with for three years and who cheated on her with an associate at their firm for one of those years. He was an asshole, but she loved him so his betrayal hurt. It hurt even more because, really, it was the first time one of her relationships crumbled by someone actively hurting her. She’d had her heart broken before, badly, and as bitter as she was toward Killian, he didn’t actively set out to break her heart. He loved her and never cheated on her and…he was good to her, but the timing was off. The timing will always be off most likely since they’ll never be back together, not that she’s ever even considered it.

It was ten years ago, and they’ve moved on and grown up. They’re not teenagers anymore who are experiencing the thrill of first love. They’re adults. They’ve been through things. And even if they hadn’t, the last she heard he has been dating someone for a few years, probably a pretty serious thing. Killian’s never done anything half-hearted. Meanwhile she broke up with Walsh five months ago and hasn’t wanted to look at a man since.

Well, seriously. She’s done with romantic entanglements that are only going to end up hurting her. She’s fine looking at a hot guy at the bar when she’s had a drink or two and is feeling pretty good.

But having to come back to Storybrooke to spend a long weekend with all of her childhood friends and with her ex-boyfriend has her thinking all of these saccharine sentimental things on her drive into town.

She’s nervous. Ruby is her best friend outside of Elsa and David, and she’s absolutely over the moon that Ruby’s getting married. But this is a big thing for her to be back in town when it’s been a good few (five) years, and an even bigger deal for her to come back knowing that Killian will be around for the wedding. He’s Graham’s best man, and she can’t stop fidgeting her fingers against the wheel thinking about seeing him in person instead of in a picture online.

The years have done him well. She likes his beard.

She is not going down that route. They can be friendly, she knows they’ll be friendly, but she’s not letting old feelings form into new ones. It’s simply one weekend, and then everything will go back to normal.

By the time she gets downtown it’s ten minutes until midnight, and she pulls into the parking lot behind Ruby’s apartment, putting her car in park and shooting Ruby a text that she’s here.

Ruby: Apartment 3B. It’s unlocked.

Ruby: Get your ass up here.

She chuckles to herself as she throws her bag strap over her shoulder and grabs her bridesmaid’s dress from the backseat of her bug before heading toward the staircase and quickly making her way to Ruby and Graham’s apartment despite the heaviness in her legs. Ruby said that it’s unlocked, so when she gets to the door she doesn’t bother knocking and walks inside only to come face to face with the person she was least prepared to see despite mentally preparing herself for weeks now.

He’s standing directly in front of the door, his arm half in a black leather jacket, and his lips are parted, mouth gaping open as his eyebrows practically reach his hairline. His hairline that’s covered in long hair that falls over his forehead and curls over the nape of his neck.

Shit.

This is so much worse than she thought it would be. Her heart very well might explode, and that’s not her being dramatic at all.

She’s missed him.

His lips press together before curving into a smile, no, a smirk, and she can’t help her small chuckle. That is so him. “Did you miss me?”

“You got old.”

Wow, smooth Emma.

He laughs, shaking his head from side to side before shrugging on the rest of his jacket and stepping forward to wrap his arms around her while she lets hers fall to his back, hands pressing against his shoulder blades. She can feel the change in his body, the more developed muscles, but mostly all she’s focused on is just how incredibly warm he feels. He was always so warm, even when it was freezing outside, and it’s nice that even when everything else changes, some things stay the same.

She could go for a little normalcy even if this is the exact opposite of what she expected to happen. Well, not opposite, but a solid ninety-degree rotation.

“You smell like flowers.”

“It’s my perfume. You smell like rum.”

“I was here drinking my sorrows away because I knew I was going to have to deal with my ex-girlfriend for four days.”

“Shut up, you ass,” she scoffs, slapping the back of his head before pulling back to look at him and the crystal clear blue eyes that she could never forget no matter how much she tried. “I’m the best ex-girlfriend that you have.”

She expects him to laugh at that, to make some sort of quip since that seems to be tonight’s mood, but he softly smiles, his eyes crinkling in a way she’s never seen, and she swears for a solid five seconds that he’s getting ready to kiss her.

But that’s insane. That would never happen. They’re getting along for sixty seconds, but they’re not getting back together. She’d be delusional to do that. And he’s dating someone else. She…she needs to go to bed before she does something stupid.

“Jones, you’ve got to share Emma with me. She’s here for me and not for you.”

“Aye, I know, love,” he laughs, dropping his hands away from her body and stepping to the side, the loss of heat immediate until Ruby tackles her, pretty much smothering her in her embrace.

“I have missed you. You cannot leave me for that long ever again.”

“The road works both ways.”

“So it does, but I came to Boston three months ago.”

“And I’m here now.”

“True. Your ass looks fantastic in those jeans.”

“Oh my gosh,” she groans, pulling back from Ruby until she’s walking around the room to wrap an arm around Graham’s waist, greeting him. “Hey, Mr. Groom. How’s Storybrooke treating you?”

“Lots of drunk and disorderly calls. Most of them from my fiancée.”

“Hey,” Ruby scoffs, plopping herself down on an armchair and crossing her ankles over each other on the ottoman, “I disagree with that. I get drunk in disorderly in my home, and the only kind of calls you get from me are booty calls.”

“And at that,” Killian groans, stepping the door again, “I’m leaving. I’ll see you lot tomorrow at lunch. I’m glad you’re safely in town, Swan.”

She nods her head and smiles, none of the other words she wants to say passing through her lips, but she says none of them as she sits down on the leather couch that must have been one of Graham’s things. Killian waves his hand before ducking outside, the wooden frame pulling into its slot behind him.

“So,” Ruby hums, nudging her foot into hers at the same time that Graham sits next to her on the couch, “do you want to talk about that long ass embrace you and lover boy just had or do you want to talk about how I need you to sew some beads onto my dress?”

“Do I have a choice as to either one? I already knew all of you were going to be hounding me about him this weekend.”

“What can we say? You’re here alone. He’s here alone. It’s fate.”

“Wait. He’s here alone? What happened to – ”

“They broke up,” Graham explains, which only shocks her a little since he’s never been one for gossip. Then again, maybe it doesn’t count as gossip. Maybe he’s simply stating a fact.

“When?”

“About five months ago, I think. He doesn’t really talk about it.”

“Is he okay?” she wonders aloud as she settles down on the couch. “I mean, they were together for a long time.”

“It’s Killian, Ems. He doesn’t share his feelings.”That’s not true in the slightest. Killian always shares, even if it takes a little nudging, but then again, that might have only been with her. He might not share with everyone else. Hopefully he still talks to Liam, that he has someone to talk to because she knows first-hand just how deeply Killian Jones feels, and him breaking up with someone is something that’s going to make him feel.

She knows that pretty intimately, too.

They all catch up for a while before her tiredness gets to her and she has to go to bed, promising to wake up in the morning and fix the missing beads on Ruby’s dress. They really probably need Mary Margaret for that, but she’s pretty handy with a needle and thread. Ruby has the day off while Graham’s at work for half a day, so the two of them spend their morning making sure that everything for the wedding is all covered. Ruby’s pretty low key, but it’s surprising how much goes into a wedding without anyone realizing it.

Seriously. It’s a lot.

“What are you wearing to the lunch?” she asks Ruby as she smooths out the wrinkles in her dress, watching the blue material flow out from her waist. “I can’t decide because I’ll probably wear the same thing to the rehearsal.”

“I’m wearing a white dress, Ems. I don’t think you can do the same.”

“I mean, I could. I look really good in white.”

“Oh my gosh,” Ruby groans, plopping down on her bed, “you’re ridiculous. You need to wear the green dress. It’d show off your legs.”

“Is it not too tight?”

Ruby winks. “There is no such thing.”

“That’s not true because I’ve worn Spanx, and that’s definitely too tight.”

“You’re wearing the green dress. It’s my weekend, and what I say goes.”“That’s kind of power hungry.”

“It definitely is, and I have no shame.”

Emma wears the green dress, and it does show off her legs and literally every other curve of her body. It makes her feel confident all morning until she walks into the café where they’re having the luncheon and Killian’s eyes land on her. He studies her, very obviously so, before turning away and scratching behind his ear. He’s nervous, and she doesn’t know why.

She wants to know why.

She’s turning into a teenager when she told herself that she would not do this.

And despite the fact that there are thirty people at this lunch, she still ends up sitting right next to Killian. No part of her is under the impression that it’s not due to Ruby, Belle, and Mary Margaret’s scheming, and as the day goes on, she wonders just how long they’ve planned on pushing she and Killian together. Because if she had to think, she’d bet that Ruby has put more effort into this than the wedding.

Conversation is steered toward her job as an investigator in Boston and Killian’s as a Naval trainer in New York. She didn’t know that he was doing that now, that he wasn’t being deployed anymore, and all this does is make her further wonder just how much she doesn’t know about Killian now.

Is his favorite movie still Star Wars?

Does he still have a weakness for strawberry milkshakes even though he consistently orders the healthiest item on the menu when out for dinner?

Does he still sleep flat on his back at night, very rarely stirring unless there’s a loud noise somewhere?

How much time does he spend watching baseball? Does he ever go to the batting cages? Does he coach a little league team? He would be the type of guy to coach a little league team in his spare time.

What about his mom? How is she doing? Does she still hate Emma’s guts even though she’s no longer dating her son? And why in the world did she hate Emma to begin with?

Mostly, though, is he happy?

The person she used to know better than anyone in the world, even if it was when they were teenagers, is a practical stranger to her now, and that absolutely breaks her heart. She doesn’t even know if he’s happy.

“Emma,” Ashley laughs, bringing her out of her thoughts, “who was it that almost got arrested for using a fake ID to buy beer?”

“Will. It was always Will.”

“It was the bloody cheap stuff too,” Killian adds in. “He risked his life for bad beer.”

“If he wasn’t late, he’d tell us that the beer was worth it,” David sighs.

“It definitely wasn’t.”

They all seem to fall into those old memories, something that seems to happen when more than three of them get together, and it’s a good time even if she can sense the awkwardness of the people who are new to their group of friends. She knows a little about being on the outside looking in.

It seems that lunch melds into dinner even though she spends her afternoon putting together floral arrangements, and after they’ve practiced walking down the aisle three times (which is two times too many), they all settle down to dinner with what seems like every single person that Ruby and Graham know.

And this is just the rehearsal dinner.

People go absolutely crazy over weddings.

They also get drunk.

Which is exactly how everyone seems to be as toasts are made and excessive speeches are given. Some of them are a little sloppy, others hilarious, and then some downright sentimental. She thinks she likes the ones that are a combination of all three the best. Ruby and Graham have a lot of people who love them, who want to celebrate them, and even if she is in her own little bitter world trying to figure out why her stomach won’t stop uncomfortably twisting and turning, she’s happy for the two of them. They deserve happiness.

“Hey, guys,” David yells when dinner is finished and everyone is lounging on the restaurant’s deck over the beach.

“What?” Will gripes, his voice as unpleasant sounding as usual even if he’s not an unpleasant guy.

“If memory serves, we have an unfinished game of kickball.”

“No freaking way,” Emma laughs, hitting at David’s right shoulder while Mary Margaret does the same to his left. “You want to go play kickball?”

“Why not? When are we ever all going to be in the same place again?”

There’s a collective murmuring, a general agreement, and then Killian is looking her dead in the eye as he speaks. “Game on.”

Ashley has to run to the general store to get a ball since none of them have a key to the beach stand and aren’t about to get arrested for stealing a ball (Graham would totally arrest them even if he’s partaking in the thing), but everyone else heads down to the beach, kicking off heels and taking off nice jewelry to leave on the pier before they step into the sand. Ruby hooks her arm into Emma’s elbow, needing a little bit of guidance from her overindulgence, until they all wander down to their old spot behind Shrimpy’s. There’s an argument over teams, especially because some members are missing and there are a few new ones, but after it’s all settled, they split up and take their positions.

This tradition is one of the most ridiculous things, but there’s always this special kind of magic in small beach towns where no one really has to worry about anything. And for teenagers who couldn’t get into local bars because the owner always knew their age, they had to get creative in how they spent their nights.

Kickball on the beach was a pretty common one.

And she was damn good at it.

She also wasn’t usually wearing a dress this tight. Doesn’t exactly make for good movement. She’ll figure something out.

“You lost some speed in your old age, Swan?” Killian taunts from his spot by the water, a bit of the moonlight reflecting off of his skin.

“I’ve gotten better with age, which is more than some people here can say.”

“You mean, Dave, right?”

“Shut the hell up, Jones,” David yells back, kicking up at the sand and bouncing the ball back and forth between his hands.

“I’m on your team here.”

“Semantics.”

“Can you throw the ball?” she whines, moving her feet around in the sand and wishing that her dress wasn’t quite so tight so she could have more movement right now. She still can’t believe that they’re all out here doing this. “Some of us have to be up early tomorrow.”

“Don’t remind me,” Ruby groans.

“It’s for your wedding.”

“I know, but I want to sleep.”

“We’ll have mimosas in the morning,” Ashely adds in as she moves off of the frisbee that they have marking third base.

“Now, that, I can get behind.”

“What about waking up on our wedding day knowing we’re going to get married?” Graham shouts across the beach to Ruby.

“Eh. That comes after mimosas in things I’m excited about.”

“Priorities.”

“I know.”“Roll the ball, David.”

“I’m trying.”

She shakes her head back and forth as her feet sink a little further into the sand, a breeze from the ocean wafting up to blow the loose curls around her face back. She feels ridiculous, but she feels…happy. This is exactly how things used to be, all of them out here by the ocean with a kickball and each other. The clothes are a little more expensive, the alcohol definitely more expensive, and they’ve all got a wrinkle or two on their faces. But they still have dumb conversations, still have that teasing back and forth, and she recognizes all of the smiles on everyone’s faces.

She’s missed this.

She’s missed them.  

And the simplicity of it all even when she knows that there’s nothing simple about the dynamics and relationships among all of the people spread out across the sand with only dim lights from shops and the flashlights on their phones helping the moon to illuminate them.

David rolls the ball, the red rubber moving over the white sand, and like she’d just played the game yesterday, she swings her right leg out, angling the ball between first and second base knowing that August is far too drunk to have any kind of coordination, and watches it fly.

And she takes off.

It’s difficult to run on the sand, that particular skill not coming back to her quite yet, but she thinks she’s just about to get to the base when she Killian is in front of her. He’s always been half a step faster than her, his height helping him out, and before she can move around him, he’s wrapping his arms around her waist and lifting her into the air. She squeals, unable to help herself, and her world is flipped upside down, literally, as she’s heaved over his shoulder with her face against his back and her ass in the air.

Probably very literally too. This is a short dress. Damn Ruby for making her wear it.

“You asshole,” she scoffs, hitting against his back with her arms.

“You say that about me quite a lot, love. You used to be more affectionate in your names.”

Well, she sure as hell is going to ignore that right now. 

“This is cheating. You cannot pick me up to get me out.”

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Killian calls out, walking further out into the water as she watches his feet become damp, his rolled-up navy pants getting hit with ocean water, “is what I’m doing against the rules in our book?”

“No,” everyone shouts back at the same time that she groans. Damn rule book and damn rules that they made up as teenagers.

“Especially,” Graham adds on, his feet coming into view, “if you’ve been tagged by the ball.” And then she feels rubber against her back and a loud call of “out” before everything goes underwater.

Asshole is the exact right word to describe Killian Jones right now.

When she comes up to the surface, her lungs gasping for the air that was knocked out of her, she can feel water dripping down her hair and onto her shoulders, her dress clinging to her body and yet somehow falling off of her shoulders. Killian is only a few feet away, his hands pushing his hair off his forehead to rest on the top of his head, and from the way his shirt is still dry, she knows that he didn’t go under the water.

He just threw her in for no good reason.

“It’s a nice night for a swim. Don’t you think so, love?”

She smiles, all of the spite she can muster pressed into it, before slowly rising out of the water to get closer to him. Without thinking she presses up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, aligning the two of them along every inch of their bodies as the tip of her nose brushes against the tip of Killian’s. She can feel his breath on hers, feel the warmth of it and smell the salt of the ocean, and feel all of his muscles underneath his clothes and the heat of his body. It’s exhilarating, different, and yet it feels exactly like it used to, especially when Killian’s left arm wraps around her ass, yanking her up a little more while his right tentatively threads into her hair, each touch warming her more than the one before.

The blue of his eyes is illuminated by the ocean instead of being drowned out by it, but all of the sudden she feels like waves are crashing over her and taking her under only for her to never come to the surface again.

“Emma,” Killian whispers so quietly that she knows only she can hear it from the way his lips ghost over hers.

“Yeah?”

“I – ”

“You’re holding up the game,” Will shouts, the ball landing against Killian’s back before splashing in the water, and all of the sudden the magic spell that was surrounding them is gone, the translucent walls turning back into bricks and furthering the divide in between them.

Killian’s eyes flicker to hers, but she’s already looking away, her legs uncrossing from his back until her feet are in the damp sand, water covering up to her waist. When her arms fall from his neck, that loss of heat instantaneous, she moves away from him as quickly as she can, her lips numb, and for the rest of the night, everything is muted. Every noise, every conversation, every kick of the ball. One of her best friends is getting married in less than twenty-four hours, and her only focus is on the fact that she nearly kissed her ex-boyfriend.

That she wanted to.

She can’t do that.

-/-

The wedding day goes by in such a blur that she’s not actually sure what happened. That might be because she didn’t sleep the night before, but that also might be the mimosas she had with breakfast. But Ruby is beautiful and happy, and that’s honestly all that matters. She watches one of her best friends exchange vows to get married, and even though Ruby and Graham definitely use a little too much tongue than what is usually deemed appropriate, it’s likely the most real wedding she’s been to, none of the odd staleness that usually accompanies these things.

And by the time the reception rolls around, all she wants is to get flat out drunk.

But she doesn’t do that.

She eats her dinner and has one glass of wine, dances with Ruby and her friends a bit, and by the time Ruby and Graham leave, she takes off her shoes to exchange them with a pair of slippers, a nice look under the red of her gown, and decides that instead of awkwardly going back to Ruby and Graham’s apartment (they should have thought that one through when making plans for her to stay in town), she’s simply going to wander around town for a little while. Things have changed a bit. Maybe she should look at all of the changes.

There are no changes that she really cares about, and she ends up driving to the lake, pulling up just in front of it with her headlights shining on Killian Jones sitting on the overhanging tree. She should have known. They’ve always done things similarly.

They make quite the team.

Killian’s already seen her. There’s no way he hasn’t, so after taking a deep breath, she turns off her car and gets out, using her phone as a flashlight as she wanders to the tree to join him, having to keep her balance a little as her dress is a bit of a different attire than what she usually wears out here. They don’t speak, don’t acknowledge each other until she sits down next to Killian and he holds out a flask. Of course he carries a flask with him when they were just at a wedding with free alcohol.

She thinks she might need the rum looking at him out here still dressed in his tux but with his suit jacket discarded, his bowtie gone with his shirt unbuttoned two buttons too far, and his white shirt damply clinging to his skin with suspenders over them.

Suspenders should not do it for her like that. Damn.

“You realize you were going to be hearing the sounds of love making had you gone back to the apartment?”

“Yep.” She accepts the flask and takes a swig, letting the rum burn down her throat. “Where are you staying this weekend?”

“My mum’s.”

“Ah.”

“What?” he laughs, knocking his shoulder into hers, “you’re not interested in thinking about spending time with the number one member of your fan club?”

“She probably still had a voodoo doll of me.”

Killian throws his head back and barks out a laugh, the cords in his neck straining before his fingers brush over hers so that he can take the flask back. “You’re right. She probably does. It doesn’t matter that I’ve slept with other women now. She still hates you for making me a sexual being.”

“I knew it! I knew that’s why she hated me. Also, I totally wasn’t the first girl you slept with.”

“First one my mother knew about.”

She clicks her tongue, not really sure what to say about that, and it sure as hell doesn’t explain why she asks what she asks next. “How have you been, Killian? For real?”

“I’m good,” he sighs, his tone not matching up with his words. “I like my job, my apartment. I’ve got – I think I’ve done pretty well for myself, though I did think I’d spent a lot more time on the sea instead of simply training gangly eighteen-year-olds. I – how are you? How’s Boston?”

“Cold.”

“That happens.”

“Yeah, I – I like my job, too. It’s really interesting. My roommates are, like, awesome. You would love Elsa. The two of you would definitely give me shit all of the time, but you’d do it in the way that you do where you act like you’re being nice about it.”

“Teasing you has always been one of my favorite things in the world.”

“Don’t I know it?”

Silence falls between them, just the sounds of bugs flying around and leaves rustling in the wind filling the air, and she doesn’t know what to say, what to do. She came here to be alone, and yet she’s here with the one person who has been consuming her thoughts all weekend.

Really, for the past decade.

“Am I allowed to say that I’ve missed you, Swan?” he whispers, the words so light that she barely hears them when she’s so deep in her own thoughts.

“You’re allowed to do whatever you want.”

“Emma.” Her head twists away from him. She can’t look over at his face, at the blue of his eyes, but she allows him to run his fingers down her forearm until the rough pads of his hands are interlacing with the soft pads of hers, fingers holding on tightly like nothing has changed. “I miss you.”

“You don’t even know me anymore.”

“I’d like to.”

She doesn’t say anything else, not quite yet, and even if she shouldn’t, she leans her head to the side and rests her cheek against his shoulder, feeling the warmth of his skin spread through her while his thumb keeps rolling over her knuckles. She’s missed how he does that, how good he is with his touches so that she knows what he’s thinking without him actually saying it. Not every guy is one to show physical affection outside of wanting sex, and now she knows that mostly means they’re assholes.

Despite what she keeps saying, Killian Jones is not an asshole.

“It’s a wedding weekend, KJ. We get all sentimental, emotional. There’s alcohol and old memories involved and people looking nicer than usual, and I can pretty much guarantee that eighty percent of people at that wedding think we’re fucking right now.”

“Swan, I don’t think it’s possible for me to look nicer than usual.”

“You’d be surprised.”

If she could look at his face, she knows that his brow would be raised all the way to his hairline, but her eyes are currently closed as she feels his lips press into her temple.

None of this can be real, can it? How does that still feel so good?

“Alright,” he huffs, and she can feel the breath of air that he lets out, “so it’s a wedding weekend. Everything is hazy and weird and different, but what happens when it’s not a wedding weekend anymore? Would you allow me to try to talk to you again, to get to know the Emma Swan that I haven’t talked to in a little over eight years. Because it’s been eight years for us, not ten.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“I’m asking you if you’ll pick up the phone when I call you? Nothing more, nothing less.”

Nothing more, nothing less.

“I think I could manage to answer the phone every now and then.”

“Good.”

-/-

“No, no, I’m serious,” she laughs, putting her bags of groceries on the ground so that she can unlock her apartment door, “I really did go on a date once where the dude told me that the freckles on my face were signs of past lives, and that he thought I could have been his mother. I mean, that’s weird on a lot of levels, but the weirdest is that he was okay dating his mother.”

“Swan, that did not happen.”

She pushes open the door with her hip, placing her phone between her ear and her shoulder as she picks up the paper bags and walks in, nodding to Anna and Elsa as they look at her. “It really did. I mean, creepy, right? And I felt bad because this dude thought I was his dead mother, so I suffered through the rest of the date.”

Killian laughs on the other end of the phone, one of those laughs that she can tell comes deep from his belly, and she shakes her head as she puts her box of poptarts away. She shouldn’t have bought them, but she wanted something sweet. “That may be the kindest thing you’ve ever done.”

“Well, I didn’t marry the guy, so obviously I broke it to him at some point.”

“Eh, I don’t know. You two could be meant to be.”

“Shut up.” She closes the cabinet before opening the fridge and putting her grapes away. “How are all of your eighteen-year-olds today?”

“That sounds absolutely horrible if you don’t understand the context.”

“I do understand the context.”

“They’re good, having the time of their lives.”

“I’m sure. Getting yelled at by you is a lot of fun.”

“You’re the only person on the planet who thinks that’s true even if you know for a fact that I do not work in basic training. There is no yelling.”

“That is so not true.”

“Aye, I know,” he chuckles. There’s a faint noise behind Killian, and she hears him mumble a few words that she doesn’t understand. “Swan, I’ve got to go. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, talk to you tomorrow.”

“Bye, love.”

The call ends, and she puts her phone down, shuffling through the rest of her groceries and putting them away as she hums along to whatever song is stuck in her head. She really doesn’t know any of the words, but it’s catchy.

Oh wow. She sounds old.

“What do you guys want to do for dinner?” she asks Anna and Elsa. When they don’t say anything back, she turns around to see them sitting at the island, their mouths gaping open and their chins resting on their hands. “Um, what are you two doing?”

“When do we get to meet your boyfriend?” Anna squeaks out only for Elsa to slap her arm. “Ow, what?”

“We were supposed to be more delicate than that.”

“I’m sorry! I couldn’t wait any longer.”

“What the hell are you guys talking about?”

Elsa rolls her eyes before sitting up straighter on the barstool, the teasing smile on her face fading away while Emma’s stomach rolls. “We love you,” she starts out, and Emma already knows this is going to be bad, “and understand that you’re not the most forthcoming with personal things.”

“Like you don’t talk about them at all,” Anna adds in only for Elsa to cut her eyes at her sister.

“And that’s fine, sweetie, but for the past four months, you have come home every day talking to Killian. And when you don’t come home talking to him, he calls you before you go to bed. When you leave your phone around the apartment, it’s always buzzing with a text from one Killian Jones. You’re smiling all the time and laughing, and we’ve both watched blush rise on your cheeks while staring at your phone. So we were kind of wondering…when are we going to meet this guy?”

“You’re not,” Emma blurts out, her mind still kind of reeling over everything Elsa just said. Has it been four months? Her birthday is in two weeks and they started talking again in June, so yeah, she guesses it has. But every night? They don’t talk every night. There’s no way. “He’s not my boyfriend. I mean, he was, but that was eight years ago. Now he’s just a friend.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Anna gasps, her leg shaking with excitement, “Killian Jones is your high school sweetheart?”

“A little bit of college, too.”

Anna groans, throwing her head down on the countertop. “That is so romantic, and you’re not even taking advantage of it.”

Emma could leave the apartment right now to get out of this conversation, and no one would stop her. So why is she staying?

“Anna, just because I dated someone when I was a teenager doesn’t mean that I should date them again. First loves are not forever loves.”

“But they can be.”

“Anna,” Elsa scolds, shaking her head from side to side, some kind of silent sister communication happening. “Emma, we don’t mean to pry. We really don’t. You simply seem so happy, and that’s all we want for you.”

“We’re not dating. That’s not…no,” she huffs, blinking several times as her eyes sting. “We broke up a long time ago because the distance was too much and we were fighting over it. I’ve been hurt so much that I don’t think I can do anything like that again. We’re just friends.”

Lies.

All lies.

Her phone buzzes, and she looks down at it to see Killian’s name pop up.

Killian Jones: Have a good night, darling.xoxo

-/-

She does not at all think about how much she likes Killian Jones that night.

She especially does not think about the fact that she’s falling in love with him again.

Or for the next two weeks.

-/-

The low rumble of voices echoes outside of her bedroom door, and she cracks an eye open as if that will help her hear better. It doesn’t, but it allows her to at least wake up a little more. It’s still dark outside, no sunlight shining through her windows, and there’s no way in hell that Anna or Elsa have someone over at…three fifteen in the morning. Kris isn’t back in town for another week, and Elsa has sworn off all men after her last breakup.

What the hell?

Curiosity wins out over exhaustion, and she rises from her bed, her head pounding a little bit, and cracks open her door to try to get a better look out into the hallway.

Dark hair and blue eyes and lean legs and a ridiculous amount of chest hair.

Killian Jones.

What the ever-loving hell?

“Killian?”

“Swan.”

His eyes literally light up as he smiles, and she swears that this must be a fever dream or something. It has to be. What other reason would he have to be here?

But then he’s crossing the hallway, coming closer to her, and the details of him become clearer. She can see the scar on his cheek, the freckles on his nose, the curls of his hair, and the brilliant blue specks in his eyes that can’t be seen from far away. None of that convinces her it’s real until arms are wrapped around her shoulders and solid warmth is pressed against every inch of her.

He smells like Killian.

Because he is Killian.

How could it ever be a fever dream?

“What are you doing here?” she mumbles into his neck, refusing to pull away as his hands run up and down her back and her nails claw into his hair. “It’s the middle of the night.”

“Traffic was bloody awful.”

“You drove here? What in the world?”

Killian releases a sigh that she feels down to her own bones before he pulls back the slightest bit so that she can see the blue of his eyes again. What the hell is her stomach doing? Twisting and turning and…fluttering? It needs to stop.

(She doesn’t want it to stop. This is perfect.)

“Well, someone is turning twenty-nine, and I couldn’t miss that, could I?”

“You did not drive down here for my birthday. That’s ridiculous.”

“I mean, I may have had another reason.”

“What’s your other reason?” she laughs, sliding her hands up his chest until her fingers curl around bits of his chest hair, disbelief that this is all real still consuming her as Killian smiles down at her.

If she has to be woken up early in the morning, she wants to wake up to see that smile that she loves so damn much.

“That, darling, is something you’re going to have to wait and see. Let’s get you back to bed. I wouldn’t want you to be cranky in the morning, and we both know how you get when you don’t get you sleep.”

“Says the man who barged into my apartment at three in the morning.”

“I think the interruption of sleep was worth it.”

It is.

-/-

In the same way that she woke up on her nineteenth birthday, she wakes up on her twenty-ninth birthday in Killian’s arms.

It’s better this time.

This time, somehow, she knows that it’s different, but it’s right.

Growing apart was something she once dreaded, something that broke her heart, and while she still believes that first loves do not have to be forever loves, sometimes people come back together (or stay together) and work things out again if it’s truly right. She didn’t know who Killian was for eight years, had her own life in that time – as did he – but they’re falling back into place as easily as they always have as Killian makes her laugh and smile and feel that overwhelming sense of calm that he usually brings with him.

As Killian makes her happy simply by being exactly who he is, changes and growth and all.

-/-

He’s in Boston because he got a job teaching at the Naval College.

Killian is moving closer to her, and her stomach cannot handle the fluttering that’s happening. Because that’s definitely what is happening.

She loves him. There’s no denying it now. She doesn’t think she’d even want to.

-/-

They kiss again for the first time in a little over eight years, and it’s like coming to a home where there are no nerves or obnoxious relatives far too interested in your life choices.

It’s just Emma and Killian and no one else as his lips slowly glide over hers in a softness that is familiar and brand new all at once.

She could get used to that.

She does.

Every day for the rest of her life.

-/-

Their friends play kickball on the beach the night before their wedding.

She and Killian are on the same team this time.

[jacscorner]

So I liked Steven Universe Future and, honestly, after having some time to think on it...I have mixed feelings about it. I’ll go into it down below.

BUT, for now, I’ll just say what I wished for from Future, but sadly didn’t really get: Stevonnie getting more screen time. She got some, but I really wished for more. In fact, I was hoping Stevonnie would’ve become a Perma-Fusion and would’ve gone on space adventures.

I guess that was a long shot since Steven Universe has made it clear it doesn’t wanna focus on action. But still, I think it would’ve just been so cool to see! I don’t care that Lars went back into space, I wanted Stevonnie! T_T I guess that’s another for the Fanfic pile.

This part of my post is a rant. Turn back while you can!

I get what the show was going for, and I applaud Sugar and co for wanting to tell a story about coping with stress and taking care of your mental health. I think that’s something important for people of all ages to learn. Both the young kids Cartoon Network aims for and the older audience who either grew up with the show or came into watching the show after could all use that lesson.

BUT! On the opposite hand, I feel the show sacrificed a lot to make this point and the internal narrative suffered. It feels rushed at times, yet slow at others. There’s a lot of points in the series where I think ‘wow, this is interesting��, but the show cuts it short and we’re never gonna see it expanded cause that was the show’s final hour. Or we get smaller snippets that just don’t seem to line up with what we saw in the previous series-a problem Steven Universe classic had a problem with, but it’s pretty amazing just how bad a problem Future has it, breaking its own continuity’s back for the sake of spinning this exact narrative.

Let’s start small: here’s an episode that crushes my dreams where Steven wants to propose to Connie and before he gets the chance to ask Garnet, she splits into Ruby and Sapphire so they can go off and do their own thing. On paper, that doesn’t sound too bad, cause we get more Ruphire! 

...Except this goes against the characterization they had. If anything, they were borderline dysfunctional when they were apart.

And this entire plot hinges on Garnet not waiting, like, 2 minutes just to explain to Steven ‘no, don’t propose to Connie. She won’t make you feel complete’. Which is a good lesson to teach, and the episode that follows this is also a good lesson to teach, but that’s my point: the narrative is sacrificed in order to preach to the audience. 

But now, let’s REALLY talk about character assassination. There’s an episode where Greg tries to help Steven find what he wants and it leads to Greg taking Steven to his childhood home-AKA, his parent’s house. 

The differences between how Greg was raised and how he raised Steven is night and day and we get a lot of insight to Greg’s past and relationship with his family. He ditched the family name for ‘Universe’ cause of some random song he heard, he lived in a pretty standard suburb home, and had a pretty normal upbringing. Steven is actually envious of his father, because he had a normal life and had a normal family and didn’t have to deal with the issues of having to deal with homicidal aliens and dying almost every week. And Greg...

Just doesn’t get why Steven is so upset! Steven wishes he had what Greg had, but Greg wanted Steven to have the freedom to be whoever he wanted to be-even if that means he never went to school and never went to the hospital. The episode ends with him just being so upset with Greg and it’s heartbreaking for me to see.

Now, Greg has never been the BEST Dad, considering he’s mostly been a deadbeat and let Steven be raised by a group of space rocks who more or less kept using him as their personal therapist. But, you know what? As badly as Greg was written in that last moment, the real character assassination...was of Steven’s.

Let’s rewind a bit: Greg’s upbringing was normal, but it was restrictive. His parents never let him discover himself, he wasn’t allowed to listen to the music he wanted to nor did they let him grow out his hair. Greg was miserable, so miserable he ran away and changed his name because to him, Greg DeMayo wasn’t someone he wanted to be. And we see in the episode that Greg wrote letters to his parents to reconnect with them, but they were never opened. They never responded or heard him out. Greg wanted his freedom, but his parents cut all ties with him when it was clear he wouldn’t fall in line.

And Steven...

Just doesn’t care. He completely ignores Greg’s point of view on the matter because he just doesn’t agree with him. And I’m not saying Steven should agree with Greg, and I still think he has the right to be upset with his father since Steven has poor social skills, can’t really relate with a lot of people his own age, doesn’t have a standard education, and hasn’t even gone to a hospital until the episode prior.

But here’s the reason why I think they assassinated Steven’s character for the narrative: Steven’s greatest character trait-more than his powers, his musical talents, or his crippling depression, is his empathy. Steven’s always had the biggest heart and always listened out to others and their problems. Even when they didn’t want his help, Steven’s always been willing to extend an arm to them-friend and foe a like. 

Naive? Yes. But it’s staggering how age didn’t give Steven wisdom. Future focuses on Steven’s powers and his anxiety and seems to have completely forgotten his strong sense of empathy for the sake of pushing a story about that anxiety and stress and depression and all that awful stuff...

And boiled it all down to Steven just needing a hug.

It amazes me how when cartoons wants to be mature and more adult, they end up being more childish.

[ramblingsrantsreviews]

‘On My Block’s’ Controversial Season 3 Ending Makes Total Sense

Last week Netflix released the third season of On My Block, a coming-of-age dramedy that follows a group of friends in South Central Los Angeles as they navigate everyday teenage life with the challenges that their neighborhood brings on.

The third season picks up right where season 2 left off, with the four friends (Monse, Cesar, Ruby, and Jamal) being kidnapped on their walk home from school. Once their kidnapper is revealed the four friends are roped into tracking down a former Santos gang member, Lil’ Ricky, who has been presumed dead for decades. The remaining seven episodes follow their struggles to find Lil’ Ricky while navigating their changing friendships and trying to have fun on their summer break.

Fans were shocked during the finale episode when all seemed fine until the show decided to give us a glimpse into these characters’ futures by jumping two years into the future. Many of them took to Twitter and other social media websites to vent their confusion and disappointment with the season 3 finale episode.

While I’ll admit the ending was shocking and tears were shed I completely see where the writers were coming from and am going to defend their decision. After all, if you watch the series closely enough you will see that the characters’ outcomes aren’t that shocking at all.

Don’t believe me? Keep reading and you will.

*Spoilers Ahead*

Monsé Finnie

From the very beginning of On My Block, Monsé has been the de facto leader of the core four and the glue that holds them all together. As the only girl of the group she also takes over the reins as the “mom friend” who is forced to worry about her three best friends who are constantly getting themselves into trouble.

At the start of this season, she’s caught in the middle of wanting to get out of Freeridge to attend a boarding school and staying to keep her friend group together. Over the course of the season, we see her exhaustingly try to keep Cesar, Ruby, and Jamal together. She’s consonantly refereeing the boys and their countless arguments that sometimes get too personal.

On top of that, she’s trying to move on from her own grudges including forgiving Cesar for sleeping with someone else while she was away during season 2. And she also has to deal with the loss of her estranged mother this season which brings up and interesting array of feelings for her.

By the end of the season, Monsé is generally scared about what her future holds. On one hand, she’s just gone through an extremely traumatic experience with her friends and she’s seen them fight and nearly leave each other for dead. On the other hand, she’s mended her relationship with Cesar and finally has a girlfriend she can confide in. And yet, she has to give it all away to go to this new boarding school.

After everything is said and done, Monsé texts the core four asking when they can hang out again. We see each of the characters look at the message but no one answers. This is the beginning of the end of their ride or die friendship. Fearing this, Monsé begs her dad to let her stay in Freeridge but her dad and Cesar stand firm. Monsé was destined to get out of this place and this is her ticket out. We watch as Ruby, Jamal, and them on the curb to say one last goodbye.

Jasmine hands Monsé a homemade frame with her face decorating the edges and a picture of the core 4 inside. Monsé looks at it dearly and promises that she’s going to display it prominently in her new dorm room. The core four plus Jasmine share a group hug and for a moment everything is right in the world. But if you look close enough you can sense the tension and strain this is going through.

Eventually, Monsé gets in the car and drives off with her dad, the core four has officially split. And even though Cesar, Jamal, Ruby, and Jasmine watch Monsé’s car disappear together that sense of “everything is going to be okay” is lost now that the glue to their friend group has left.

And then the writers stab us in the hearts by showing Monsé two years later in her new dorm having a movie night with her new friends. The camera slowly pans to her nightstand and we see the beloved picture frame has been pushed to the back of her nightstand, overshadowed by pictures of her new friends and her new life.

Some might say it’s a classic case of teenagers growing apart and I think that’s part of the reason. After all, not everyone is destined to be best friends forever with their childhood friends. I think the other reason they grow apart is that Monsé can’t play her role as the mediator from towns apart. She isn’t there for the day to day arguments, to calm everyone’s nerves and remind each other why they’re all friends. In addition, she’s now living a very different life than her friends are. They don’t have the same problems anymore which means Monsé doesn’t have all the answers anymore.

More importantly, maybe she’s flat out tired playing that mediator role and with her new friends, she doesn’t have to. These new girls don’t force her to fix their problems, they don’t expect her to be the one constantly reaching out and checking in on them. Perhaps, they actually support her unconditionally which is something Monsé desperately needed not too long ago.

In the end, Monsé’s worst fear did come true — the core four disbanded but instead of being sad by it she almost seems relieved. And fans felt that was out of character for Monsé but is it? I don’t think it is. Monsé has spent years defusing arguments and we can see that’s she’s really fed up this time. She’s broken the vicious cycle of forgiving her friends (at least for now).

Of course, I don’t think Monsé purposely forgot about her friends, I do think they drifted away. And I don’t think this rift is permanent; after all, that’s what season 4 is for.

Cesar Diaz

Cesar has had a very tumultuous ride over the course of On My Block. In the first season is was forced into the Santos gang by his older brother and was instructed to kill a member of the rival gang. Unable to pull the trigger, the ramifications of his actions hurt those closest to him and jeopardized his future with the Santos. We saw those ramifications play out in the second season as Cesar struggled to live on the street and get back in his brother and his friends’ good graces. And by the end of season 2, he had succeeded.

Season 3 opens with Cesar being pulled back into the Santos life by the leader of the Santos herself. He and his friends are left with no choice but to help Cuchillos get what she wants or else their life is on the line — something Cesar is accustomed too but his friends are not. On top of that, Cesar’s estranged father, Ray, gets out of jail and wanders back into Cesar’s life. Having never had a relationship with him, Cesar jumps at the opportunity to get to know his father despite his brother’s warnings.

As time goes on Cesar begins to realize the severity of the situation he and his friends are in. After realizing how much Cuchillos has hurt his family, Cesar decides the only way he and his friends can win this war is if they kill her. As we get closer and closer to the end goal, we see Cesar tap into those gang mentality thoughts he fought so hard against in prior seasons.

After everything is said and done, we see the Cesar from prior seasons emerge as he comforts Monsé and pushes her to leave Freeridge. The old Cesar isn’t long for this world though. In fact, when we jump two years into the future we see Cesar’s worst fear has come true, he is now the leader of the Santos wreaking havoc on the rival gangs.

Out of all the time jump scenes, Cesar’s was the most jarring and the most heartbreaking. In fact, it’s the scene that got the fans most riled up because they felt it was wrong and uncalled for. Once again, though, if you watch the season closely enough you can see Cesar undergo this transformation from a teenager who wanted nothing to do with the Santos to a teenager who is ready to join them.

Cesar’s father returning is the first catalyst in his transformation from anti-Santos to Santos leader. That might seem silly since Ray is a new man after prison and is trying to have a better life now, but it’s the truth. Cesar has always known his father was part of the Santos but seeing him for the first time reinforces this idea that Cesar’s family lives, breathes, and dies because of the Santos gang. It’s their way of life. And even though Ray praises him for getting out and being smart, there’s still this undertone that Cesar is meant to be a Santos because it’s all they know.

If Cesar’s dad’s presence is the first catalyst to his transformation, his dad leaving is the final push Cesar needs. Why? Because it fills Cesar with rage and resentment and as Oscar said rage is how he survived in Freeridge for so long. Instead of channeling his rage into something positive, Cesar does what his family does best, turn their rage into violence.

When Cesar finds out Ray has left he tries to fight Oscar. He puts the blame for his shitty life on Oscar’s decisions. In fact, he utters the same exact words to Oscar that Oscar screams at Ray. One would think this would make him want to break the cycle of violence and his family’s need to be in the Santos gang but it only drives him closer to it.

We really see his transformation begin when the core four and Oscar decided its time to take Cuchillos down. After three days of not hearing from Oscar, Cesar begins to get worried and jumps into the action. The only problem is, he doesn’t want to put his friends in more danger than they already are so he turns to the only other family he has, the Santos. Cesar gets extremely agitated when he realizes the Santos aren’t looking for him. Worried that they’ve turned on him, Cesar confronts them and is ready to fight them but luckily he doesn’t have to. Oscar’s right-hand man steps up and defends Cesar’s wishes sending the Santos to the streets to find their leader. In doing so, Oscar’s right-hand man tells Cesar “We got you, Little Spooky,” which is the first time Cesar has ever seen the Santos truly protect him — and he likes it.

In the same episode, the core four is pulled together by Ruby after he receives a text from Cuchillos. This leads them to believe that Oscar has failed and forces Cesar to make the decision that he needs to be the one, now, to take Cuchillos down. Before the core four arrive at the hotel, Oscar’s right-hand man meets with Cesar to give him a gun. He promises to ride with Cesar no matter what, another hint that the Santos are willing to accept Cesar as their new leader if and when the time comes.

If you’re still not convinced that Cesar is beginning to accept his Santos lineage, the scene between him and Monsé should have you convinced. Monsé looks at Cesar holding the gun and asks him straight out, “this is just a one-time thing right? Because you have to.” Cesar has to pull his attention away from the gun to look at Monsé but his reaction doesn’t scream “one-time thing.” In fact, this really isn’t a one-time thing considering Cesar has held a gun to someone twice before. The difference is this time Cesar has the rage and motive to pull the trigger — and perhaps, he likes that power.

Because that’s the thing, being in the Santos means power. It means belonging. It means mattering. In the earlier scene with Cesar and Ray, Ray tells Cesar that he’s never needed anyone that he’s always known who he is and that Ray is jealous of that. But it’s not the truth. Cesar has struggled with his identity from the very beginning of the series. He’s struggled with finding acceptance within the core four because of his ties to the Santos. And for the first time, he’s seeing that maybe his place really is in the Santos where he can’t put his friends in danger anymore. Where he can be in control and be powerful instead of scared and helpless.

As if deciding to kill someone isn’t proof enough that Cesar is becoming a Santos, his willingness to fight Ruby when Ruby speaks the truth and “disrespects” Cesar. It only escalates when Jamal chimes in that being Cesar’s friend is a “liability.” Cesar’s fears have come true his friends have turned on him and the only one left for him once Monsé leaves is the Santos.

And the final knife into old Cesar happens when we watches Oscar make a deal with 19th Street to end the senseless violence and make things better for themselves. Instead of praising Oscar for this groundbreaking deal, Cesar tells Oscar he’s soft and that it’ll never work. As he watches Oscar give up his position in the Santos, Cesar sees this as his opportunity to take over.

Because even though everyone in Cesar’s life tells him that they’ve made them a better person and that he has the ability to be different and be better, Cesar doesn’t see it. He’s filled with rage. And the only way to take out that rage is to be the new leader of the Santos.

Jamal Turner

Jamal’s journey to the two-year time jump is a bit less intense than Monsé’s and definitely not nearly as intense as Cesar’s, but it was still a shocking twist for fans.

When we first met Jamal in the first season of the show he was the core fours goofy friend who was always up to something. He spent most of the first season trying to figure out a way to get out of playing football because he was afraid of getting hurt. After he finally quits the team, Jamal spends his time trying to find the rumored Rollerworld money. At the end of the first season, he does, in fact, find the money which is great considering the money becomes a key component of the second season.

The third season opens with the Rollerworld money gone and no puzzle for Jamal to solve, though that’s fixed rather quickly once Cuchillos gives them their new mission to find Lil’ Ricky. Jamal spends the rest of the season trying to be the leader of the group which is harder than he thinks given Jasmine’s new presence in the core four. In addition, he gets his first glimpse at high school romance thanks to a strange homeschooled girl who has taken to stalking him.

Jamal goes through a very emotional journey as he struggles to come to terms with his new role amongst his friends and how to juggle his new relationship with the rest of his life. In addition, he’s stuck trying to solve an unsolvable puzzle.

By the time the two-year time jump happens, Jamal has accepted he’s not the leader, fought with his friends, broken up with his girlfriend, and realizes that he doesn’t have a mystery to solve anymore. In turn, when we see him two years later he is now laughing and enjoying his life while wearing a football jersey. As Ruby passes Jamal and him share a look so many of us can relate to — they’ve grown apart.

A lot of fans were caught off guard that Jamal, who actively spent an entire season trying to avoid playing football, would suddenly join the football team again. But it’s not that shocking.

Think about it, the only reason Jamal was against playing football was that he was afraid of being hurt. By the end of the season, he’s literally been threatened by a powerful gang leader and cheated death on more than one occasion. He’s faced his biggest fear of getting hurt and being dead and now, with that fear gone he can enjoy the game of football without worrying what’s going to happen to him.

It’s not just his newfound bravery that makes football the perfect fit for him though, it’s also the fact that Jamal loves puzzles. He spent three seasons tracking down money, missing people, and trying to figure out how to get his friends out of trouble and he loved it. When you think about it football is a great place for someone who loves to solve puzzles because plays are puzzles. He would actually be a great asset to the team if he was able to dissever the opponent’s plays.

On top of that, Jamal’s always wanted to be a leader and yet, his friends have never taken him seriously. He’s never been a leader in the core four’s eyes and its something that has frustrated him for years. In that time jump, he has the undivided attention of the team, he’s the one telling the story that’s making everyone laugh with him and not at him. Jamal finally found a place where he could be a respected leader.

The most jarring thing for fans to come to terms with in regards to Jamal’s time jump scene was the fact that he and Ruby don’t talk. While I agree that we don’t see Jamal and Ruby growing apart from each other as much as we do with some of the other characters this season, the tensions in their relationship are still there. The fact of the matter is while Ruby was desperately trying to help his parents pay off his medical bills this season, Jamal was prioritizing finding Lil’ Ricky. So yeah, maybe they did just grow apart organically or maybe they truly needed time apart because they weren’t on the same page anymore.

Ruben “Ruby” Martinez Jr

Out of the core four Ruby has the most heartwarming transformation.

When we first meet Ruby he’s a hopeless romantic who’s a little too obsessed with girls. He’s often the one friend who gets the core four out of trouble and he truly is ride or die even if he doesn’t always show it.

At the end of season one, Ruby ends up getting shot at a family friend’s quince which leaves the family friend dead. Ruby spends much of season 2 juggling his intense PTSD while also trying to help his friends get Cesar out of harms way yet again.

By the time season three rolls around, Ruby is somewhat better but he still suffers from survivor’s guilt and is a bit numb to the world. His one wish at the start of the season is to just be a normal teenager but of course, that’s impossible given the world he lives in and his friends.

He begins to have feelings for Jasmine, a girl who’s been obsessed with him since childhood that the core four have often brushed off as crazy. On top of that, Ruby learns that his parents are going through marital problems partly due to Ruby’s growing medical bills after being shot.

Ruby spends much of the third season trying to figure out a way to help their friends while also trying to survive his impending death for a second time. On a positive note, he’s also trying to discover if his new feelings for Jasmine are permanent or if they’re a stress reliever given their current life or death situation.

Ruby once again takes charge of the core four after Cuchillos leaves him a burner phone that allows her to communicate with the core four. He’s the one who pulls the group together after they realize that Oscar is probably dead and he’s the one who devises the plan on how to take down Cuchillos together. Even though his actions make him appear as the leader of the group, he doesn’t feel like that.

In fact, he feels alone even when he’s with his friends. Jamal is too caught up in his first relationship and the newest puzzle to help Ruby with his financial trouble. Ruby tries to bond with Monsé after her mother passes but even she ends up pushing him away by expressing her fear of being numb to pain and loss — something he has first-hand experience with. And he nearly comes to blows with Cesar after finally admitting that everything that’s wrong with him is because of Cesar.

After he utters those words, there’s no going back. It’s the crack in their foundation that makes Ruby distance from the core four make sense in the time jump.

Even though Ruby losing his friends is sad and not what viewers wanted, it’s what he needed to finally live a normal teenage life. And the time jump is the proof of that since we see Ruby and Jasmine walking the halls of their high school happy and in love for the first time in a long time.

Oscar “Spooky” Diaz

Oscar, or Spooky as he’s known for most of the series, has the most positive drastic change during the two-year time jump. And it’s the one fans welcomed the most.

When we first meet Oscar he’s fresh out of jail and back to reclaim his seat as the leader of the Santos. His first mission is to innate Cesar into the gang life which isn’t an easy task given Cesar’s hesitance. The two have a very tumultuous relationship in season one but they do manage to share a few heartfelt moments together. Most memorable is the scene on the beach where they both fantasize about what their life could be if they weren’t stuck in Freeridge and had parents who were actually capable of being parents.

Unfortunately, that closeness doesn’t last long and in season two, Oscar is forced to turn his back on Cesar after he puts the Santos lives in jeopardy after not killing a member of the rival gang at the end of season one. It takes the entire season for Cesar to prove himself to Oscar but eventually the two reunite and take down the Prophets once and for all.

Season 3 should have been an amazing season for these two brothers who are finally starting to heal but instead, their father, Ray, comes back into the picture and drives a wedge between them. See, Cesar doesn’t remember what his father’s presence is like but Oscar does and Oscar doesn’t want Cesar to go through any more shit than he’s already had to deal with. But Oscar can’t protect Cesar from himself — and that’s an important thing to remember as the season continues.

If season 3 for Cesar is about Cesar’s transformation into a Santo, then Oscars season 3 is about his transformation away from the Santos.

This shift becomes clear halfway through the season when Oscar confronts Ray about all the shit that he did to Oscar. Oscar blames Ray for everything that’s wrong with Oscar’s life. He blames Ray for forcing him to grow up and be the leader of the Santos even though it’s not what he wanted. Ray tells him he needs to let go of his rage and move on because he can’t fix the past. In a pivotal move, Oscar tells Ray that he can’t let go of the rage because it’s the only thing that’s kept him alive in Freeridge for so long.

The ironic thing is, in telling his father off, Oscar has let go of his rage. And from that moment on, we see Oscar take steps to distance himself from the Santos. The first move comes when he helps the core four plan to take Cuchillos down by sacrificing himself for them. For the first time, Oscar realizes that the Santos aren’t his family and that they don’t have his back the way he might have thought they had.

By sacrificing himself for Cesar and his friends, it’s the first step Oscar makes against the Santos. Thankfully, his mission pays off and he’s able to make a deal with 19th Street that would allow both gangs to live in peace without fear of being shot over meaningless issues. This scene is Oscar’s final act as a Santo and in turn, it’s the turning point Cesar needs to step into his brother’s role.

When Cesar confronts Oscar about being soft and being played Oscar can’t bring himself to care. He even goes as far as telling Cesar that he wants “adult problems” and that he’s done with this way of life. That he’s done living his life with resentment and missed opportunities. Instead of agreeing with Oscar, Cesar asks him “what if someone takes your power?” To which Oscar responds “let him.” And in that moment, it’s clear that while Oscar is done with the Santos life, Cesar is just beginning.

And so the two-year time jump shows the drastic reality that Cesar has taken over the Santos; while Oscar has finally gotten what he’s always wanted — a wife, a kid, and a normal life.

Now, many have criticized Oscar’s happy ending wondering why he didn’t get Cesar out of Freeridge too. They’ve been vocal about their issues with him leaving his baby brother to run a gang he knows will ruin his life.

But here’s the thing. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. Oscar knows this.

He knows Cesar is still full of rage and resentment, especially towards Oscar. And at the end of the day, Oscar doesn’t want to be in charge of his baby brother anymore. He never wanted to in the first place. And even though we’ve seen Oscar be a good brother over the course of the season, we can’t forget the fact that he literally forced Cesar to sleep on the streets for nearly an entire season.

Oscar finally chose family over the Santos, but unfortunately, Cesar didn’t make that same choice and that’s no one’s fault but Cesar’s.

And that concludes my long rambling essay on why I stand by the writer’s finale decisions. Even though I support them, I know that this is not the end of the core four. And I can’t wait to see what season four has in store for us because I’m certain we’re going to get one.

Even though the season 3 ending might be realistic, it doesn’t match the positive tone On My Block has always given us. Which is why I know this is not the end of the core four’s journey.

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[valasania-the-pale]

Unforgivable

This takes place post-V6 and presumably pre-V7 in that happy little space where the party finally gets to settle down in their new locale before diving headlong into a new set of problems. Please enjoy! This can also be considered a spiritual successor to my other drabble, ‘Contemplation.’ 

Either he was getting better at noticing changes in his surroundings, or Ruby was truly exhausted, because when she slipped out of the small apartment provided to them by the Atlesian military, Oscar was aware of it. That alone surprised him – travelling with a group of huntsmen (‘Not yet’ a voice whispered back at him, not his own) was stressful. Not only did they attract terrifying monsters seemingly by chance, but they also managed to constantly surprise him.

Huntsmen were quiet. They were skilled. They needed to be to stalk their prey, and in the ‘killing Grimm’ category, his companions were particularly prodigious. Sadly, he was a mere farm boy and they often managed to sneak up on him without meaning.

‘You’re improving,’ the other voice whispered again, part in amusement, part just stating a simple truth.

Oscar scoffed, suppressing the tiny glow of pride in his chest, but the other presence noticed it anyways and flickered with amusement.

His mind returned to Ruby. It wasn’t the first time she’d slipped away from the group to be alone. According to Weiss it was extremely unusual behavior for her – Ruby tended to cleave to her friends when emotional or troubled. The heiress had been very offput when he’d confided in her about it; she’d waived him off at the time, but Oscar didn’t need help from his other half to realize that she was more troubled she hadn’t noticed it herself.

What was Ruby doing? Was she just trying to get away from everyone for a little while, find some privacy? After living with just his aunt for several years – punctuated by the frequent visits of neighbors and distant relations, especially during harvest season – Oscar could appreciate how overwhelming it could be to suddenly be surrounded by people day and night. Hell, he felt the same way when he first joined up with Qrow and RNJR for the first time, never mind the additions of Ruby’s original teammates.

‘…Go talk to her.’

“What?” Oscar muttered back. He wasn’t quite used to the mental conversation thing. It was far more comfortable to speak aloud when possible. “Maybe she just wants some privacy, I don’t want to be rude!”

Ozpin shifted – an interesting, if decidedly odd feeling, constrained by his own little partition of their shared consciousness as it was. ‘I don’t believe that is the case… at any rate, I want to speak with her.’

Oscar hesitated. “If you’re sure…?”

‘As I can be. This has been long in coming anyways. Better now than after we meet with James… Powers know what will happen after that conversation.’

“Fine.”

He grabbed his cane from the countertop he’d been fiddling with it on, the handle fitting his hand like a glove. Thankfully he’d elected to stay dressed – Solitas was, quite frankly, freezing. To an extent Oscar hadn’t felt since the bitter winters of his early childhood. The lining of his coat was particularly good at keeping out the chill.

Ruby’d been wearing her cloak, but aside from that just wore her usual attire… Thankfully her footsteps were clear in the fresh snowfall, not yet destroyed by the passerby that would undoubtedly turn the white blanket into grey slush come morning.

A few blocks down – not far enough to be worrisome, far enough to feel distant from the rest. Up some stairs, and there she was. Protected from the snow by a decorative awning, Ruby shivered on a bench, staring out over the Atlesian skyline.

Tense – and still not sure he wasn’t interrupting some sort of private moment of self-reflection or somesuch – Oscar of course tripped on the last chair, startling Ruby out of her contemplation. “Oscar!”

“Uh… hi?”

There were shadows underneath her eyes, and Oscar felt Ozpin measuring the slump of the girl’s shoulders, as well as the sag in her usually excellent posture.

If she noticed his once-over, she didn’t show it, instead putting on a concerned expression. “Is something the matter? Everyone’s alright, right?”

“Yeah!” Picking himself up, he walked over to the bench. “Yeah, nothing’s wrong, just saw you leaving and figured I’d… um.”

Oscar floundered for a moment, suddenly aware that he hadn’t followed her for any particular reason. ‘A little help?’

Ozpin chuckled, a sound Oscar only knew from Ozpin’s memories – when he took the reigns his voice was Oscar’s, if inflected differently. It was a different man’s laugh in his mind.

He felt the nudge, like a hand slipping into a glove, except the glove was his body and the hand was Ozpin’s mind slipping around Oscar’s. It was quite the feeling, and one he hadn’t realized he’d grown familiar with until Ozpin disappeared entirely for the last few days. Oscar surrendered to the loss of agency willingly, becoming just a presence in another’s mind, watching from his eyes as a passenger.

Through those eyes he saw Ruby’s silver widening in recognition as Ozpin shifted posture, both hands resting on the handle of their cane, shoulders evening out in that just-so manner that Oscar’s aunt would have cried to see.

“Oh… Professor Ozpin.”

“Miss Rose. If we’re not interrupting anything, I would like to have a chat.” Oscar could feel the distance between Ozpin and his words. The formality, the coolness bordering on warmth – it was the tone he used to greet new students at Beacon, the tone he’d used to first greet Oscar himself that fateful morning. Jovial, polite, and perfunctory… but still undeniably the voice of a stranger speaking to another stranger.

Ruby blinked, some emotion passing over her face before it shifted into something resigned. Or maybe resolved. Oscar couldn’t really tell – he was used to drawing on Ozpin’s muscle memory and tactical memories, not so much the social kind. Those were a bit more… personal.

At any rate, she didn’t say anything, just mutely nodded and sat back down. Ozpin joined her, leaning forward to put his weight on the cane, just staring out over the Atlesian skyline.

He and Oscar both could sense the tension radiating from the girl. Among the myriad emotions swirling within his other half – more than Oscar had ever felt at once from the older soul – he could feel a trickle of pity and, surprisingly, empathy. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“It’s so much…” Ruby whispered. “So many buildings… like Vale, but so much more high-tech… This is where Weiss grew up.”

“Indeed. It’s not too hard to see how Miss Schnee could come to be the woman she was when she first arrived at Beacon when her origins lay here.”

“It’s nothing like Patch.”

Sadness, a faint memory of a childhood spent far from the city, stars overhead and forests surrounding. Oscar marveled – the images were not his… yet they were so similar to his own, save for perhaps the constellations.

“Atlas is spectacular… though I find myself longing for the days when Mantle was ascendant. Perhaps it was less prosperous, less populous, and dare I say even less beautiful, but there was a pioneer spirit to be found here. The feeling that if you just worked hard enough, for long enough the faintest of dreams were within your grasp.”

“Kind of like Beacon.”

“Yes. The best huntsmen came here because of the city’s lack of natural fortifications, Grimm were still drawn here like moths to the flame. It was slow, but progress was made, and all so suddenly the city was rising before my eyes.”

Oscar saw a flat plain, broken only by the random outcropping of grey stone. Hardly the kind of place one would put a city, with so little in the way of natural fortifications. Grimm would wash over this place like a dark tide, and yet…

Dust. Someone, somehow, managed to discover a truly incredibly vein of Dust. That justified the settlement. The mines. The mistreatment, though he could only watch on in sorrow, a mere visitor – a stranger – hoping against hope that things would change.

Change it did. The vein led to deeper tunnels, more intensive mining, new veins and even more Dust. Soon the settlement grew to a city. Alsius coming into being after the war. The military moving in, providing even more protection as more of Mantle’s population moved to the thriving boom town.

Amidst sorrow, toil, and sweat, a city rose to supplant its parent, eclipsing it in all things.

And then it rose. The mines finally ran dry, but the city would not be deterred. They were Atlas, now. Like the Vytal stadium, the best minds worked in concert and the city moved itself to a new vein – discovered underneath the old capital… too late to save it from ignominy.

Oscar gasped – was it a gasp, if it only happened in his mind? He was not used to falling into flurries of memory like that. It was always nudges or feelings, the briefest glimpses of thought from Ozpin.

‘Hiding did me little good before,’ the older soul admitted mentally, outwardly silent as he and Ruby gazed out on the skyline. ‘And though I don’t believe you’ll pry again, you also don’t deserve me shutting you out entirely… and wasn’t it just incredible, seeing the change?’

‘Yeah,’ Oscar thought. ‘I’ve never seen anything like that… it was like the crops back at home, but bigger. And faster.’

Ozpin chuckled in his mind, almost but not quite hiding the shift Oscar got from him. He was steeling himself for something.

Beside them, Ruby shifted uncomfortably. She was so tense he couldn’t detect her shivering any more, but Oscar could tell her mind wasn’t on the sights any more.

Ozpin broke the stalemate.

“I wanted to tell you that I was sorry, Miss Rose, for deceiving you.” Ruby flinched, otherwise frozen, but remained silent. Ozpin carried on. “I’ve had a fair amount of time to reflect on the last few months, and on my behavior since the fall of Beacon. I haven’t been fair to you, or your teams. I expected too much from you, and didn’t correct you when you made your own assumptions.”

“Professor—”

“No, I don’t want there to be—”

“Professor.”

Ozpin fell silent, halted by the ragged note in Ruby’s voice. The smallness, like he hadn’t ever heard from the girl. She clenched her fists, refusing to meet his eyes, her gaze fixed on the city like it was her prey. “Professor, what we did…” Ruby shook her head, brow furrowing. “What I did was wrong. It wasn’t my business to ask Jinn that question… I shouldn’t have pried.”

Oscar blinked – no, that was Ozpin, Oscar could only feel the slightest edge of bewilderment and sorrow from his other half. Ruby was shaking. His own gold-flecked-hazel orbs tried meeting hers, tried to lock with her gaze to convey… something, Oscar couldn’t tell what Ozpin wanted to do. But they wouldn’t turn.

“I was impulsive,” her voice cracked. “I was cruel… I was a bully.”

Oscar recoiled as the tears began to flow. “I wasn’t thinking about what would happen when I asked, I was just thinking about needing to know… I didn’t want to trust you. I didn’t trust you to not lie again – to hide whatever it was from us behind something else… I’m sorry.”

Their hand rose, hesitantly hanging in the air as the girl buried her face in her hands, cutting herself off from them entirely. Should they comfort her, should they say something? Oscar had no reference, and Ozpin was hesitant to push… worried that too much would break the fragile soul beside him, a feeling he knew too well.

They let the silence hold for a few seconds. Oscar could feel him ruminating in the back of their mind, feel the faintest swell of emotion, of empathy.

‘The harshest criticism comes from within,’ the older soul whispered sadly, a sliver of sympathetic ice spearing their heart. As it had only days before.

Their hand fell, and Oscar watched from the back of their mind as Ruby had her cry. They were a silent presence beside her – had the adrenaline just run out? Was it just the day, the fight, the horror and shock as their plan fell apart around their ears? Or perhaps it was an older wound than that – is this what she did, each time she vanished out on her own?

‘This must be really hard on her too,’ Oscar remembered sadly, images from their shared memories, neither one nor the other’s alone. Ruby knew what to say to make him feel better, at least that one time. He felt helpless now.

‘It is hard on us all – she isn’t ready for this,’ Ozpin frowned. ‘None of you are. In many respects.’

‘No kidding.’

Several minutes passed before Ruby pulled herself together. Minutes that Oscar spent in his own partition, blocking everything else out and seeking some of that peace his aunt tried to teach him in the garden pulling weeds. Away from it all.

“It seems we’ve both made our mistakes.” Ozpin commented after Ruby wiped her eyes.

“Yeah.” Ruby sniffled, looking for once utterly pathetic.

“I’m sad to say, as your teacher, that they only tend to pile up as the years pass by.”

Ruby gave a watery laugh. “I don’t think they have to be this bad.”

That drew a smile from their lips. “We live in interesting times… it used to be said that those were the sort of times you cursed being born into. It’s still a saying in Mistral, if I’m not mistaken.”

Ruby wasn’t distracted by the old man’s intentional rambling – Oscar could only watch from the background as the professor tried guiding her back out of the hole she’d dug for herself.

“I really am sorry, Professor,” Ruby said again, finally turning to look them in the eyes. Pain shone in those silver orbs – as well as guilt, and sadness, and exhaustion.

‘She really needs a good sleep,’ Oscar observed.

‘I wouldn’t say no to that, myself.’ Something felt lighter in his other half. His emotions were a swirling mess – more chaotic than Oscar was used to feeling from the controlled, reserved soul. But it was a good chaos – there was no hiding, no shying, not even from himself.

“I forgive you.”

Eh?

He said it so simply. Like it was nothing, and yet…

“What I did was unforgivable!”

“Well, I forgive you anyways.” There was a note of humor in their voice, entirely Ozpin. He… meant it. Why?

‘Hm.’

He wetted their lips, choosing his words carefully. “Maybe it was unforgivable… It certainly hurt, more than I believe you can even comprehend… but…” Ozpin paused, his mind casting very far back, farther than Oscar had ever felt before. “…I learned long ago that forgiveness is the surest path to peace… I have committed many sins… ‘More than any man, woman or child on this planet,’ I believe I told you… Yet I have met many hundreds of people willing to forgive me, trust me, to be my friends and confidents… Those are the people I have treasured most in my, very, long memory.”

Naked emotion shone in Ruby’s silver eyes, as well as the faintest glint of tears. “I don’t deserve it.”

“’Deserve?’” Their lips quirked. “No… you don’t. But it is my choice. You didn’t mean to hurt me, though you did. Your actions were not born of malice, though their results struck truer than many a mortal enemy I’ve faced… and you clearly feel remorse.” Ozpin hummed, eyes distant on the horizon, peering far back into that ancient memory Oscar couldn’t quite view. “Maybe I shouldn’t forgive you… maybe I should hold onto my anger, lest you tempt me to lower my guard again… but I won’t. I don’t want to. I won’t let her win.”

“Professor…”

“Ozpin. I may still be your teacher, but while we journey together, I believe it wouldn’t be too out of line for your to call me by my given name.”

‘Such confusion!’ Ozpin chuckled.

‘Ozpin?’ Yes, he was confused, and would like an explanation please?

‘I don’t like grudges, Oscar. Perhaps you may feel differently – and I will not urge you to choose anything not to your desires – but I will not torment Miss Rose further when she clearly loathes herself for what she did more than I ever could. Better to bury the hatchet and move on.’

Not parley to their mental exchange, Ruby stared in bewilderment at them. “Does that mean we’re… friends?”

Ozpin mentally blinked – he was too outwardly controlled to let such a tell go unchecked. It was another distinctly odd sensation to feel from a mind. ‘Not the question I would have asked.’

‘Ruby is Ruby.’

“If you would like to call it that, yes.”

That seemed to break her out of her shell a little, because she smiled. It was weak – tentative – but it was something. “Well, my friends call me Ruby.”

Ozpin smiled wryly. “Ruby it is then.”

“Yang is still mad at you.”

Their eyebrow quirked.

“Indeed, and I don’t believe I’ve forgiven her for the ‘bastard’ remark – my mother was a wonderful woman, and happily married.”

“Uncle Qrow’s drinking’s been getting worse.”

“Neither I nor Oscar have forgiven him that right cross… and shan’t until he pulls himself out of his despair enough that he apologizes himself. Oscar can speak for himself on the matter.”

“I still don’t trust you entirely, even though I want to.”

“I don’t believe I shall ever forget what you made me go through, at least not for a long while… but hindsight truly is crystal clear.”

Ruby let out a laugh, hugging herself. “Dust… I’ve made so many mistakes…”

“The Leviathan was a particularly impressive fuckup, if you’ll pardon my language.”

Her arms tightened. “I was only thinking about getting to Atlas…”

“Tunnel vision,” Ozpin remarked clinically. Oscar marveled – he was so… casual about it. About all of these terrible things. The lightness in his spirit refused to be dampened. “It’s a trap even the best fall into. Huntress you are, you were trained to work with goals in mind. If things had been different, Glynda would be working you to the bone even as we speak on repercussions, law, and the more mundane skills to learn. Like critical thinking.”

Ruby groaned, burying her head in her hands.

“Now now, Ruby. You managed to clean up after yourself, and only a few people were hurt.”

“The gryphon pack grounded three of the Argussian airships and thirteen people were injured,” she muttered.

“And a steeple,” Ozpin threw in flippantly. “Never forget infrastructure damage – Glynda was always on me about the migraine of paperwork involved in that.” He folded their hands. “Indeed, your failure endangered countless lives and might have had grievous repercussions… but such is the life you have chosen to lead. Entrusted with the lives of Remnant, your mistakes will cost many more as the years go on. The trick of it all is to reduce the mistakes, and ensure that those that are, for the most part, preventable, do not occur.”

“How can you be so… casual! About this?!” The bewilderment was back.

But Ozpin had an answer for her – one that drew on some of the darker clouds in the morass of his soul. They had just the slightest hint of sharpness, self-loathing. Some irony. “Because I vividly remember a time not so long ago that my lack of foresight and passivity cost me my home, my school, and thousands of people their lives. Even after thousands of years the simplest mistakes to make are made, and there is little to do about it save to pick yourself up, do your best to ensure it never happens again, and move on. Such is life.”

Ruby laughed into her hands, a sound suspiciously close to a sob, and Ozpin patted her gently on the shoulder. Thankfully, she didn’t dissolve back into tears and her moment passed.

“Will you come back after this?”

“I will to meet with James… I don’t believe that Qrow is up to the challenge of countering James’ ego… nor his paranoia.”

“But what about… us? The group?”

“I…” Ozpin paused, eyes flickering down. “In time. A few days isn’t very long. It speaks to your character that you are willing to forgive so quickly… I am not so… inclined.”

‘What happened to the ‘no grudges’ thing?’ Oscar asked.

‘You’ll find that there’s a difference when the other party actually feels remorse for their misdeeds. I don’t like grudges… but I am not a saint.’

Ruby straightened up. In spite of the exhaustion clinging to her frame, she looked more like her normal self than she had all day. “I’ll talk to them,” she said resolutely. “Yang is angry… she’ll be angry for a long time. So will Jaune… Blake will listen, I think. So will Ren. They can help me with the others.”

Curiosity.

“And Miss Schnee?”

“I don’t know about Weiss…” a shadow passed across her face. “Being in Atlas is hard for her, she’s scared her dad will come after her when he hears about her being here. I don’t want to push again…”

‘Ah.’ Ozpin hummed. “Give it time. Impatience got you into this mess, patience will, hopefully, be the cure. I appreciate your effort all the same.” To both his and Oscar’s surprise, he meant it.

“Thank you, Ozpin.”

“Thank you, Ruby.”

[ovmatt-blog]

Chapter 1-2. Telephone Interview

One extremely hot afternoon in July, when the cottage-dwellers didn’t venture to poke their noses out to the sultry dusty streets of a little town, a milky-white Butterfly was hiding in the shadow of green tangles.

When the sun reached its highest point the Butterfly suddenly flushed and hovered high under the blazing sun over the line of ancient oaks, still remembering the former glory of a small town old school and towering majestically along the carved fence of a football stadium. She landed on an oak leaf, spread out her wings and glued down to the green surface, stock-still, as not a leaf was stirring.

If you could come nearer and get a closer look at her, my dear reader, you could see that this lovely Butterfly herself looked much like a leaf, with golden streaks imbuing her wings, silky-smooth and sleek. Having been almost lulled, the Butterfly suddenly twitched and glanced upwards. Tiny mosaic patches of dazzlingly blue sky sparkled through the canopy of emerald leaves, luring to the eternal sky depth and calling up childhood dreams…

A teenage boy sprinted to the centre of the empty football stadium from the near-by house and hurled himself down on the ground. He lay sprawled on the grass for a few seconds. Then he rolled over onto his back, his hands beneath his head and his knees crossed. Lying in the very blaze of the sun, he sucked on a blade of grass and talked to himself, waving his right leg in a sneaker in the air.

Under summer's scorching glow the air resembled в transparent jelly, slightly rippling in the absence of the wind, blurring the shapes of the objects. The Butterfly squinted her eye to the boy and then attracted by his voice, left the tranquil emerald coolness and flittered to him to perch on the waving sneaker as at the swing. And that is what she had heard:

I have just sat the exams and consider not to proceed with A-levels. At least this year… And to find a job. I live in my grandaunt’s tiny house. She has no her own children. Grandauntie agrees that extra money would help, as her pension is the only source of money for us to live on. Five years ago my parents went missing in the mountains. The police told they must had been lost under the rock avalanche. But grandaunt says they fell in the battle with the Stone Men at the Orkney Islands. The first time I have heard about the Stone Men I got realized that all what has happened, and this newly-obtained responsibility to grow me up… in short, all this was altogether too hard for her and she went a bit “mental”.

She usually minces along, mumbling something to herself under her breath and waving her arms like the wings of a windmill. She talks to me only to call me for meals and to allocate household duties. And, as we both don’t bother cleaning the house, we live in perfect harmony – I would have even forgotten English if I wasn’t attending school. 

She has lived all her life alone and she used to talk to herself, her second important interlocutor being “the box”. She is passionate about watching soap operas during the night as a means of soporific. I adore them either. Oh, I almost forgot – she has the remarkable ability to turn the house into ruins while I am at school. So when I come home in the evening and see ghost-blue shadows flickering through the curtains, I halt and look at the stars, grateful for the fact that this day we would have a fascinating dreamless night with TV zombies instead of having to restore the walls, which had got damaged from sheer touch, and having to clean away the crushed stone. While still expecting the unexpected, I come in with a smile glued to my lips.

My grandaunt loves to sleep, clutching at the TV remote. But with the lapse of time, I have got the hang of crawling stealthily to her bed and pressing the power button without unclutching the tenacious grip of her forepaws. When she awakes during the night with the remote in her hands and the TV switched off, she considers this to be the dirty tricks of zombies and starts switching the lights on throughout the house and checking whether the windows are tightly shut and doors securely locked. The windows turn out to be opened as I can’t stand the stuffiness from the radiators, working at full capacity and seething with heat. Then she has to choose between zombies and me, being the reason of the windows openness, and definitely preferring it being me, she stretches in a sugary voice, “Are you suffoca-a-a-ting, dear?”She's got a thing about this. Like a bird of prey, she hovers over me, looking out for the slightest signs of any illness. But I cough only if I choke on the water. Though as a child I could not scramble out of colds, during last five years I have neither fallen ill, nor even scratched my knees, playing football. Contagion simply does not stick to me!

At that place the boy halted as his eyes flitted to the sky where a cat-shaped fluffy cloud was pursuing in great leaps the mouse, skedaddling pell-mell along the blue sky. The boy sat up in the grass, staring at the trail of clouds, rushing with great speed across the windless sky. Three pig-shaped clouds galloped, hopping and hipping, to the horizon followed by little bears, somersaulting in the raspberry tangles, replaced then by a fox, turning wildly on the spot, pursuing its tail.

The boy rubbed his eyes to shake off illusion. Obviously, it was a mirage, roused by abnormal heat, the haze blurring the shimmering sky. With closed eyes the boy went on with his story.

In early childhood I had some friends, but after they had also heard about the “Stone Men of the Orkney”, they never showed up again…

When the boy opened his eyes and raised his head and looked at the sky again, he saw seven little milky-white cloud goatlings, butting each other. Stunned, he stared open-mouthed at the fairytale play performed above his head, when –

“Robin, come get your lunch! It’s served!” an old woman's voice called from out the house behind the football stadium. The boy jumped to his feet and rushed home, while the Butterfly flushed and hovered to the north, to London…

On the 55th floor of the glass office tower there was an open floor-to-ceiling window. A man about thirty years of age was sitting on the floor with his back turned against the open space, swinging his legs which were dangling above the abyss. He was dressed in denim shorts, red T-shirt and sneakers… and a huge ruby hung down from his neck on a massive silver chain. And this was not the only weird thing about him, my dear reader, as the eyes in his face were of incredible amber colour!

He was snapping his fingers to the regular beat of some self-invented melody, which he was humming under his breath, while observing the clouds, crossing the brightest blue sky. With every snap of his fingers one of the clouds swelled and stretched to a fluffy shape to stand still for an instant, as if gaining consciousness, and then sprinted on all its paws across the sky. Snap… A hare, pinned under the weight of a backpack, stuffed with carrots so tightly that they protruded from under the clasp, was running his file, trying to foil the dogs… Snap… A flying squirrel glided on a parachute… Snap… A snowy owl hooted, flapping her fluffy wings in the flight…

The milky-white Butterfly with golden streaks sat on his knee and started observing the clouds with the same curiosity as the amber-eyed man did…

A low velvet voice, strangely drawling the words in some unknown accent, belonging to a man in a dark blue tubatay, stitched with silver almonds, and dark blue cashmere kaftan, embroidered in silk archers, said to the amber-eyed man’s back, “Robin Orion has successfully passed the first test today and he will be interviewed by Love tomorrow. Do you want to talk to him yourself?”

There followed long silence. Shoulder-length black hair was getting in the eyes of the amber-eyed man as he lowered his head. When he raised it again, his bright eyes flashed, “I suppose there is no doubt that he would pass the interview…”

“I’m sure, he would.”

“Then you know my answer.”

“Okay,” answered his vis-à-vis and retired silently.

The amber-eyed man “pulled” her legs into the room, stood up and turned the handle closing the window and when he turned his back to it, the handle melted in the air, leaving a solid glass wall, the outward side of which the Butterfly remained glued to.

Chapter 1

Transparent beads of torn water necklaces were clinking against the pane, shattering into crystal splashes. I was eating ice-cream and contemplating the wet world beyond the rain-lashed windows. The torrents of rain were gushing down, tattering the iridium-green foliage, all the scene backed by the steady rumble of water. A boom of thunder made me startle and then the telephone rang.

When I thought it over afterwards, it occurred to me that the whole story began at that instant, when thinking it was one of my Grandauntie’s friends-gossip calling, I picked up and said in a voice, hoarse of cold ice-cream, “Hello.”

Silence, only broken by faint clicking and the echoes of ghost voices. Then an icy sweet voice asked very near to my ear, "May I speak with Mr. Robert Orion, please?"

Flattered with a courtesy title, I swelled with self-importance, squared my shoulders and answered, “Robin speaking.”

The icy soda voice continued, “I am Cassandra Lime, HR manager of M.. (click-click, static, hissing) Consulting,” and before I could ask her to repeat the company’s name, she went on, “We have thoroughly scrutinized your CV and consider you for the position of an intern in our … (scratching, indistinct noise, cracklings) company.”

Indeed, I have sent my CV to all the companies listed in the Yellow Pages but what have they been scrutinizing? Two lines – the one in “Education” about GCSE exams and the second in “Work experience” about my summer employment as a cleaner at Sandy’s? And what is the company’s name?

I cleared my throat to ask these questions when Cassandra said, “So if you are interested in the position, then you won’t mind if I ask you a couple of questions as a quiz?”

My ice cream started melting and being busy licking it up, I unconsciously said, “I don’t mind,” and regretted it immediately as the first question followed.

“What is two hundred and fifty six squared?”

Trying feverishly to do the computation in my head, I repeated slowly, “Two hundred and fifty six times two hundred and fifty six…”

“Right! Next, is it true that time passes slower at sea level than it does in the mountains?” Unconsciously I bit a large piece of ice-cream and burnt my tongue with the cold, which must have cleared my brains as I answered, “Do you mean Albert Einstein’s General Theory of Relativity? Time moves relatively slower where gravity is stronger. Gravitational time dilation phenomenon?”

“Yeap, I do! You are tough! And what’s ten plus ten?”

Suspecting a trick here, I gasped, “A hundred.” Wait, what did she mean by saying “right” in the previous question, as I didn’t even answer it?

“Correct! What has a golden number to do with the stars?

“They pulsate according to the Golden Rule?” the quiz was turning into the theatre of the absurd and my answers were equally absurd.

“No! What is the colour of a quark – red, green or blue?”

“You mean curds? But it’s milky white…”

“Have you ever cooked snacks for snakes or snakes for snacks?”

“Oh, I don’t think…”

“Okay! What is the cause of laughter without a cause?”

“Pardon?”

“What is inside a dew drop?”

“Reflection!”

“Correct! What piece of art would remain in the end?”

“Mona Lisa’s smile!” I always loved to read and maybe this helped me…

“Okay, Robin, you have passed the test and the next stage of the selection process would be a telephone interview with one of our company’s Managers. The interviewer will ask you several questions and I suppose the whole procedure would take less than half an hour. I will arrange the interview in a couple of weeks and will inform you about the precise date a bit later.”

“And what will the questions be about?” I asked and immediately rushed to smoothen the question’s straightforwardness and curred, “At least give me a hint…”    

But Cassandra seemed to have not noticed my diplomacy, “Oh, I think, these would be standard questions. What are your career aspirations, your strengths and weaknesses, ambitions, plans for the future…”

Getting a taste for asking questions, I piped, “And what would the work be like?” It seemed like a good idea at the time to get some information about a job I had to pass crazy tests to apply for.

Soda fizzed in Cassandra’s voice as she said, “For sure you’ve heard about our Company –”

“Nope,” I cut in and took a bite of a waffle cone.

“Really, haven’t heard about our company?” she sounded disconcerted, “Ranked Number 1 in the UK Top 100 Employers listing; named UK Best Diversity Employer, UK Greenest Employer, UK Top Employee for Young People; recognized as an UK Employer of Choice and an Indeed Best Place for Work! Or just Dream Job I would say!”

“Nope, I haven’t heard about it,” waffles crunched between my teeth. In fact, I didn’t know whether I had heard or not as I hadn’t caught the name of the company in the very beginning but it was embarrassing to tell this to Cassandra.

“Humph,” the rustling of papers sounded in the handset and then Cassandra mumbled indistinctly, “where have I put it? These cleaning fairies must have been straightening things again at my desk… No — here it is.” And then her sparkling soda voice fizzed into my ear, “Behind almost each fortune of the Forbes 100 List stands a treasure found by a future entrepreneur. A story of business success or the turnaround of an almost bankrupt company begins when a treasure hunter at last hits the jackpot. We consult our clients on pots-of-gold quests, assist in communication with Djinns, who guard charmed treasures –”

“Hic!” my diaphragm involuntary spasmed with cold ice cream while I stood there with my jaw dropped.

“Once you’ve obtained cash, we would offer you several broad investment strategies. All the details – such as the choice of the specific assets to invest in – are handled by our investment experts. We recommend to our clients not to put all their eggs in the one basket and diversify their investments –”

“Hic –”

“Oops!" Cassandra choked and whispered something like, “they had messed up everything at my desk – it’s a booklet for experienced professionals! And where is the one for the undergraduates?” Some more rustling of papers and she exclaimed, “Oh, here it is!”

And she started reading in a more calm voice, “There are few bad businesses, but many bad strategies. We offer to our clients creative solutions that make their competitors lock themselves in their boardrooms and start hot discussions. The kind of projects the firm works on are hugely varied, from building new products and services to advising on management structures. We work closely with our clients, providing a team of consultants at the client site and arranging business travel in the way to maximize the workday –”

“Er, so there would be business trips? And what are the destinations?” all this strange stuff was starting to sound attractive and my curiosity awakened again.

“Oh, yeah, we have a separate booklet on business trips,” she puffed, searching for the paper and then voiced, “As an employee of our company, you would explore the world while doing a job you love. You would visit the largest and most prominent cities of the world, from Rome and Los Angeles to Singapore and Tokyo, applying deep industry knowledge to the world’s largest industry players. You would discover distant island resorts, looking for treasures ships sunken off their coasts. And you would spend months, often years, in the farthest flung cities seeking the end of the rainbow…”

“Bang!” the end of a waffle cone fell from my hand as I mumbled, “But a rainbow doesn’t have a fixed spot or a real end!”

“Yeah! That’s why it’s so difficult to find a pot with gold that a leprechaun had hidden…”

But here the creak of the front gate distracted me from Cassandra’s mumbling. I looked out of the window. My auntie, loaded with packages, parcels, little packets, paper bags and boxes was trotting up the garden path.

“ – at the place where a rainbow ends!”

The key started to turn in the keyhole. I barely cried into the receiver, “OK, I will be waiting for your next call!” and dropped the receiver onto its cradle, as the door swung open.

I whirled around and nearly stumbled into the sharp gaze of my auntie’s ferrety eyes. I grinned at her. Her slit eyes scanned the gleaming-clean walls and got hooked on the floor. Sounding as though not believing herself she squeaked, “Kid, haven’t you vacuumed the carpet while I was out?”

“Nope, auntie, I didn’t have time to vacuum. But I have cooked cabbage soup. It’s on the stove,” With these words I turned around, scuttled inside the door of my room and shut it as quickly as I could.

 Chapter 2. The Second Telephone Interview

“Auntie,” I said and prodded moodily at the remains of my corn flakes, floating in the milk puddle on my plate. Today was the day of the second interview with a Manager. Cassandra’s call was less than two hours away and I wanted to get my Auntie out of the house for a few hours so she wouldn’t eavesdrop on my conversation. In fact, I was afraid I wouldn’t pass the interview and I didn’t want her to know about the interview at all.

I crossed my fingers under the table – if I didn’t say anything stupid, I might get rid of her till noon – and went on, “have you heard the Indian Food Festival will take place today at Central Square?”

No reply. She was staring open-mouthed at the telly as she did every day after having served our breakfast. Her favourite soap opera “Wild Orchid” was just on:

“You are getting married tomorrow,” semi-affirmatively, semi-inquiringly said Orchid, looking deep into Jack’s eyes.

“Yes, I am,” Jack was hiding his eyes.

“I wish you every happiness, Jack. I hope you find it,” tears were trickling down Orchid’s cheeks.

I shook my head and averted my eyes from the telly. A morning newspaper lay on the kitchen table beside me. The headline on the first page read:

Taste of India served at Central Square

I sighed, and trying to sound louder than the shrill voice of Orchid, started to read:

The Indian Food Festival will be held on August 21st at Central Square. The event is completely free to enter and will be open from 10 am to 10 pm.

There will be 12 stalls presenting different sorts of Indian tea and different kinds of Indian spices – “warm and earthy” cumin for curries, “nutty” and “fruity” coriander, sweet cinnamon, the staples of Indian cooking, similar to the way that herbs de Provence function in French cuisine.

My auntie was crazy about spices and cooking and it was a good idea to use the festival to get her out of the house for a while. Still, Orchid’s hysterical sobs broke through my speech:

“Why are you crying, Orchid?”

“Jack is getting married tomorrow!”

Auntie seemed to be snoring softly in front of the telly, her glasses askew. But was she really sleeping? The lenses of her glasses shone in the light and couldn’t make out whether her eyes were shut or not.

 Meanwhile the voices in the telly whispered:

“But why did you refuse to marry him, if you love him?”

“Because he is my brother!”

“Your brother? What are you talking about?"

There was only one way to check whether Auntie was sleeping. I waited for an ad in the telly and then clapped my hands as hard as I could. And, indeed, it worked! Auntie started, closed her mouth and fixed her glasses. Then she sat straight in the arm-chair and asked, “What has fallen, kid?”

I said nothing and turned the page where I came across another headline – Three places IN the Town where you can enjoy THE Solar Eclipse

I raised my voice, reading the headline, but still couldn’t shout Jack’s Mum down:

“Today is my son's wedding! This is a very special moment for me, which I would like to share with all those present. I’d like to take this opportunity to inform you that I’m also going to get married!”

I shouldn’t give up! May be to throw a cushion at her?

The Total Solar Eclipse will occur on August 21st, when the Moon will move directly in front of the Sun and will cast a shadow over the southern part of the country. It's been nearly 100 years since the last total solar eclipse in the UK and our town is luckily on the path of the eclipse!

I was contemplating thoughtfully the collection of glass vases, one piece of which I considered this morning to pee in, if Auntie won’t let me use the bathroom (usually she takes a shower for two hours roughly). Meanwhile, the telly was roaring:

“And the person who would marry me… is the father of my son!”

“What?”

“Jack, forgive me for not being able to tell you before, but you need to know the truth – Gabriel is not your farther!”

Orchid fainted. “What rubbish!” I sighed and read:

The observation deck at the Town Hall, the Town Hill and the Town Park will be hosting special viewing events and giving out viewing glasses to visitors on the day of the eclipse.

It would be great to witness the total solar eclipse by myself. Just think, once in 100 years! If it wasn’t for the interview… Meanwhile, the fuss on the telly was reaching a climax. Jack was tearing himself from his bride’s embrace. Gabriel was shouting something incomprehensible.

And I was drawing patterns on the plate with my fork and considering the situation. At last, I decided to check whether my Auntie really didn’t hear me or if she was only pretending and spoke the news I had invented at that precise moment:

Aliens have landed at Rosegreen school stadium

Today, at seven a.m. at the stadium at Rosegreen Primary School, 10 children – members of Rosewood Aeromodelling Club – were testing a new radio-controlled model aircraft that they recently constructed when they spotted a fast moving object on the eastern horizon. Its shape shifted from a straight line to a triangle and then to a 50 ft-diameter silver-coloured disc, hovering above their heads.

The series in the telly was approaching its end:

“Jack, you can’t leave me standing at the altar!”

“Vanessa, release me!”

I went on talking nonsense:

The disk emitted a bright light forming a halo and radiated a range of colours. Running to the cries of the children, a crowd gathered. People witnessed as the object landed in the stadium. Then a door opened on the side of the craft and two humanoid beings in seamless metallic costumes emerged out of it, greeting the earthmen in unearthly language…

All my efforts were in vain. Auntie cared neither about spices nor about the aliens. With nothing better to do, I stared out of the window. And then the higher power in the face of my Auntie’s dear friend – a famous local gossip called Maggie Grace – intervened in my communication with Auntie. “Magpie”, as she was called by her inner circle of friends, was strolling past our fence straight to the house of our neighbour Gale Nighting, commonly referred to as “Nightingale”. And she was carrying a pink and white pie-dish, covered with a cloth, keeping it in front of her with both hands.

“What stuffing could be inside the pie that ‘Magpie’ is carrying to “Nightingale” – veal, ham or bacon?” I mumbled under my breath and in less than the blink of my eye the telly was switched off and Auntie rocketed out of the armchair. The next second I was helping her on with her shawl and bonnet and ultimately sighed with relief when the door closed behind her wide behind.

In five minutes I was sitting cross-legged on the sofa near the telephone. Opened books were lying all round me in piles. Broad bars of golden light stretched across the room, burning my shoulders, but the forthcoming talk with the Manager made me shudder. What would be at the interview? What if I say something wrong or will find no answer at all? Seconds passed, counting minutes, making me more and more anxious…

The ring of the telephone broke the silence. And suddenly, it turned out that I simply could not pick it up. My palms were sweating and I was sitting and staring at it and listening to it ringing. I can later apologize to Cassandra for missing the call… I can say that something has held me over… But would they give me another chance?

The telephone rang for the fifth time when I finally forced myself to pick it up.

“Hello, Robin,” Cassandra’s fizzy voice streamed into the receiver, “Are you all right?”

I could only make myself mutter something incomprehensible, so she went on, “Your interviewer is Love Violinne. Hold the line, please. I’m going to switch you over to her.”

Click. Click. Buzz. Silence. Buzz. Silence.

“Hello,” said a glassy woman’s voice. “Robin Orion?”

“Yeap, speaking.”

“My name is Love Violinne. We are searching for candidates for the position of intern at our company. So, Robin, I have a couple of questions for you. Let's not waste time and get to the point. The first question is – do you believe in omens?”

I surveyed the opened books with my perplexed gaze and asked, “What do you mean? Magpie and broken mirrors and all like that?”

“I mean whether anything unusual has ever happened to you? Any strange events or just anything out of the ordinary going on around you?”

“Oh, in this sense…,” I hesitated for a second. There were things I hadn’t told anybody about, but Love was so winsome that I decided I could be innocent with her without any fear, “Well, yeap! Once I quarrelled with my best friend. And when I was sitting in my bedroom, raging at him and thinking that I would never ever speak to him again, the wardrobe standing near the wall collapsed with a deafening ‘Crash!’ Astounded, I decided that the Heavens themselves sent me a sign to make up with him. That was it. Then another case…”

“Well, enough. And could you please describe what I look like? I mean how do you imagine me to be judging by my voice?”

This was a strange question. She seemed to divine my thoughts, as, indeed, I imagined her so clearly as if she was standing in front of me.

“Why, I suppose you are a blue-eyed blonde… And you are dressed in a beige gown of transparent multilayer chiffon, embroidered with silver reeds. Wide silver bracelets of sophisticated carving, something like fantastic curlicues alternating with gaps cover your arms from wrists to elbows…”

After a prolonged pause she said, “Robin, my last question to you is the following. Could you please complete the rest of the verse – ‘Every day holds away, raising obstacles…’?”

“’… on the way to the dream,’” I whispered, but I wasn’t listening to her anymore. Time slowed down, stretching, growing limitless… I was inside an elastic soundproof balloon, submerged into cool divine silence… A train of recollections passed through my mind, reviving the images, buried deep in sub-consciousness…. Mum’s long black hair… She sang me that song, rocking me to sleep in the night… Her dear voice… I remembered the first two lines of the verse, but the rest of it was lost in the darkness, trying to surface, tearing my mind, and still slipping away…

A buzy signal on the line. Love must have hung up and I hadn’t even heard her say goodbye. But I didn’t care. Was it a famous verse? Why had Love asked about it? I felt shaken up, embarrassed, completely unhinged. I was staring at the wall with unseeing eyes when the phone rang again.

“Robin?” Cassandra’s voice was tense, “I’ve spoken to Love about the results of your interview.”

My heart sank to my stomach. They rejected me. I didn’t shown my worth during the conversation or maybe I simply didn’t fit them. Cassandra was still silent and then…

“Congrats!!! You have passed!”

I was absolutely amazed. It was a great load off my mind. I was so exhausted that I could not even rejoice at my good fortune.

“Now you will need to take the last interview with one of our Partners in our headquarters in London! Only after that will we make you an official job offer and sign the contract with you. But don’t worry! Love says you are a really prominent candidate and she is a hundred percent confident you will pass the last interview.” Cassandra slowed down her patter a bit, “Robin, we are seriously considering you for the job. So I should inquire, are you ready to relocate to London?”

I gabbled something affirmative in reply and she went on, “I suggest that you arrive the day of the interview and we would start onboarding you to the projects the next day. The third selection stage is already arranged for the penultimate week of September. I will enter you into the list of the last group. The Partner will interview all of you on Tuesday, September 22nd, at noon. If you pass the interview… well, after you pass the interview, I will make an appointment for you with HR at 8:00 a.m., on Wednesday, September 23rd. You will be asked to sign the contract with MAGI and after you sign it, you will be paid a relocation allowance. You still have plenty of time to pack your things for the relocation. Write down the address of our office, please… Wight Tower, 15 Harbour Quay, Canary Wharf, London, E14. The Jubilee Line train stops at Canary Wharf tube station, and this is a few minutes’ walk from our office.”

I somehow guessed her smile and she said, “Robin, Love asked me to tell you that she wishes you good luck. So I do wish you the best of luck! See you in the office in September!”

[rwbyconversations]

The Princess and her Pauper- A Weiss/Emerald Character Contrast

One of the greatest weapons in the arsenal of a creator is the art of contrast. In storytelling, characters that contrast, often referred to as foils, can serve to highlight particular qualities of each other. How one acts to a situation and the other reacts. It’s why rivalries form the backbone of many a great story with conflict in its theme- why the most memorable moments in action titles like Devil May Cry 3 and Metal Gear Rising are when two rivals who serve as foils for each other come to blows in a winner-take-all clash of wills. Not all foils need be rivals, however- George and Lennie in Of Mice and Men are built as foils, with George being wire-thin and razor-sharp mentally while Lennie is a lumbering giant of a man with the intellect of a child. 

Rooster Teeth’s RWBY is a series that loves to set up connections between its central heroes of Team RWBY and the villainous factions under Salem. Although the connections between current villains Team WTCH and RWBY have not yet been solidified (Watts screentime when), RWBY’s initial foes in Team CRME (Cinder, Roman, Mercury and Emerald) all complimented aspects of RWBY’s personalities. Ruby and Cinder were both leaders, Ruby through example and optimism and Cinder through manipulation and fear, Blake dual-contrasted with Adam and Roman, Yang with Mercury and (regardless of what TVTropes tells you), Weiss contrasts with the sharp-tongued, fast-fingered gem thief Emerald Sustrai. 

Despite having not technically met in canon*, with their appearances relegated to sharing fights in the Volumes 2 and 3 OP, with their dialogue being two lines in a Chibi episode, Weiss and Emerald are almost perfect narrative foils for each other. I am convinced that they were purposefully written to contrast each other, and if/when Emerald has a redemption arc, you can be sure that this material will be used to show how similar Weiss and Emerald can be... not that either of them would admit it. And for the record? This is my OTP and Weiss and Emerald rank in my five favorite characters each, so this is going to be a self-indulgent mess. Consider it my two and three hundred follower specials wrapped into a neat little bow.

In this post, I am going to show the narrative, backstory and character contrasts between Weiss Schnee and Emerald Sustrai, and why I think they could have one of the best-written rivalries/friendships/bond in the entire show if Miles and Kerry play their cards right in the coming Volumes. As usual, the post is under the Read More for the sake of users on their phones.

(Art source: @nibbles-scribbles)

* (In before “Didn’t Weiss fight Em at Haven during the Checkmate scene?” offscreen doesn’t count and Let’s Not Talk About Haven This Is A Happy Post)

Part 1-  Lonely eyes, well, it sure looks like you just might be looking for something

Weiss and Emerald’s backstories on paper couldn’t be any different- which, again, is one of the purposes of narrative contrasts, connecting the impossible. Weiss lived in the lap of luxury her entire life, part of a family that probably had the combined net worth of half of the Fortune 500. The Schnee Dust Company was such a profitable venture that it bought out rival families and took them out of business. Weiss’s every need was catered for, she had a loyal servant in Klein, and became a popular attraction at parties thanks to her singing voice.

And she couldn’t have been more soul-crushingly alone. 

A young Weiss sits at a piano, basking in the praise of the adults around her

Weiss, narration: Words of praise were often overflowing around me. Whatever I did, with a little effort, I did better than average. I expected the praise as a matter of course and believed I deserved it all. As the daughter of the Schnee house, I would be the best. Nothing else would do. 

Weiss reaches out to her father who is walking away from her. The door shuts in her face. Weiss’s face comes into the panel. The smile is gone. 

Weiss, narration: My father felt the same way. So his indifference... was expected.  - RWBY Manga,Shirow Miwa

Weiss was little more than a toy when she was a child, something Jacques brought out for the guests to coo at, but they never cared for Weiss herself: 

Everyone only cared that I was part of the Schnee family, not that I was me. They were honoring the Schnee name. I thought all that praise was for me. It wasn’t. It messed with my head when I figured that out.

Weiss’s Volume 5 focus song, and the first chronological song about her, The Path to Isolation (AKA Mirror Mirror 0.5), is about when Weiss realizes how alone she is in Atlas with the realization that people only care about her for her money and surname, and not for Weiss as a person. We see this in person with her interactions with Henry Marigold in Volume 4 and Jacques spells it out later:

I don’t give a damn what you want! This isn’t about you!  

Miwa’s manga alongside Path To Isolation makes it clear that Weiss lived in the lap of luxury, but it was a cold, sterile lap where she never felt loved even with Klein’s presence and Winter’s distant love, thanks to Jacques’ distance driving Weiss further into her personal hell. Weiss lived a tragically lonely life in her childhood and its effects are still seen on her even in the present day. For a long time, all she was was an accessory to Jacques who got pushed into his obedient shadow.

Emerald’s backstory is less concrete than Weiss, but from what we do know it’s no less painful. She lived alone on the city streets with no parents (dead or neglectful we don’t know) or friends to look out for her, and every day was a struggle to survive. By the time we see Emerald in Volume 3′s flashback, she’s barely holding it together and is stick-thin.

Her clothes are frayed in various places, held together with belts and straps, and Emerald is nearly emaciated. She’s jumpy, paranoid and resorts to blatant daytime robbery of a jewel store just to cover the costs to get some food for a night. When Cinder finds Emerald, she finds a cornered street-rat barely staying alive. 

If Jacques manipulated Weiss through inaction, Cinder in turn twisted Emerald through action, providing the young thief everything she ever wanted. Cinder gave her a warm bed, food whenever she wanted it and possibly even the love of the mother that Emerald might not have had. Chibi Season 3 in fact had a skit where Emerald (within a dream) jokingly notes that Cinder really is “The mother figure I may- or may not- have never had.” Regardless, Cinder learned from Salem the best way to get people to follow you is to give them exactly what they want. She gave Roman some Dust and a chance to commit crimes, she gave Mercury a target and people to hurt, and she gave Emerald a sick, twisted lie. She made Emerald fall in love with her. 

I don’t care about Salem! But I owe Cinder everything.

Cinder twists Emerald around her finger and makes her almost entirely dependent on Cinder’s approval and love. And make no mistake, this is (at least from Emerald’s warped perspective, the poor girl) love. 

This is not the face of a heterosexual woman upon seeing Cinder Fall. 

Em sadly closing her eyes behind Cinder just... gets me, man. I care for that mint-ice-cream too much Jesus Christ.

Cinder, of course, doesn’t love her back. I don’t think Cinder knows what it means to love beyond that she can use other people’s love in her pursuit of power. She manipulated and tricked Emerald, making the thief fall for her in a worthless attempt to impress her. And every time Emerald stepped remotely out of line, even if by complete unintentional accident, Cinder harshly made her judgement clear and forced Emerald back into her obedient shadow. Cinder definitely didn’t love Emerald. But damn if she didn’t know how to abuse her.  

Emerald: We don’t need him (Mercury), everything was going fine- A slap is heard. Emerald shouts in pain. Cinder: Do not mistake your place.

As pointed out expertly by @alexkablob, Emerald’s body language when Cinder gets angry in this scene is very telling- she almost shrinks and hides herself, trying very hard to avoid Cinder’s wrath in that immediate moment. The mere threat of reprisal has Emerald assuming a more subservient position

Here’s what connects Weiss and Emerald from their backstories. Both had terribly lonely childhoods, with Weiss lonely in a crowd as she realized people only loved her for her money and name, and Emerald forced to live alone as a street rat with no one to rely on. Jacques manipulated Weiss through making her seek his approval which manifested as physical abuse, and Cinder as well manipulated and abused Emerald into falling in love with Cinder or seeing her as a replacement mother figure. Both were lonely children, abused and scorned by everyone around them, especially those who had the most direct power over them. Both of them, tragically, are victims of those above them who see them as tools and not even as people. Ones who occasionally fall out of line and need... percussive maintenance to fix. Weiss and Emerald have some of the darkest backstories in RWBY and in their tragedy, they compliment each other beautifully. 

(Source: @nibbles-scribbles, who gave me permission to use her art)

Part 2: Sight Unseen

Now that we’ve covered their backstories, let’s actually contrast Emerald and Weiss on a fighting and character level. 

Weiss and Emerald fight each other in the OPs for Volumes 2 and 3. They are so far on the very small list of fights in the OPs that have never occurred and are in fact the only notable fight to not happen ever four years since it was first teased, especially since it happened in two sequences. 

Both characters use revolver mechanisms in their weapons- Weiss for her Dust and Emerald for a ranged component. Both are agile fighters who dart around the battlefield and can be very damaging in the right circumstances and are the most fragile member of their respective teams (Weiss having the worst solo win/loss record of anyone on RWBY and Emerald being a stealth fighter who dropped very quickly when Amber focused fire on her being my evidence). 

What’s interesting in contrasting the two is their Semblances. Emerald creates vivid hallucinations for a single target that effects all five of their senses but ultimately is a purely mental effect on the subject’s reality. Her Semblance can’t create physical matter. However, Weiss’s Semblance is a purely physical one that lets her influence and change reality on a primal, physical level- be it for Glyphs, time dilation or using Summoning to create physical constructs to fight for her. Depending on if Weiss’s Summons can be affected by Emerald’s hallucinations (or if Weiss being hit with Em’s Semblance has consequences for her Summons), the two could serve as hard counters in the event of a fight. 

Long story short a fight between these two would be really cool.

Character wise, one of the more interesting bits of contrast between Weiss and Emerald is how they approach friendship. Both are equally sardonic and have razor-sharp wits on anyone who irks them, but while Weiss is cold at first and softens as she gets to know and trust people, Emerald throws up a facade of being chummy with people, a facade she hates. If her friendship with Mercury is anything to go by, Emerald can make some very biting remarks at the expense of those she’s close to. If her love for Cinder is anything to go by however, Emerald is very tender and affectionate when it comes to the people she loves. She rushes to give Cinder a hug in Volume 2 and in Volume 4, acts as Cinder’s translator, being almost sickeningly tender and rushing to come to Cinder’s side when she asks. 

And while Emerald’s a villain, it would be a shame to waste a rivalry between her and Weiss. Both are passionately devoted to their leaders and are willing to cross the world for them and fight in this endless war for them (note how Weiss volunteers for the war while Emerald is drafted). Emerald hates Ruby because she maimed Cinder at Beacon, while Weiss hates Cinder because... bitch shoved a spear in her. It’s more than enough conflict to kickstart a rivalry and as proven despite their lack of screentime, the contrasts between them write themselves.

Part 3) Dry your eyes now, baby, broken wings can’t hold you down

In the event (by which I mean when) Emerald undergoes a redemption arc and leaves Cinder, Weiss will definitely play a significant role in facilitating her joining the heroes, much like Blake did with Ilia. Weiss is honestly the only RWBY member who really can facilitate this redemption in the coming Volumes- Ruby will likely never forgive Emerald for her role in Penny’s death, Blake has basically done this arc already for Ilia, and Yang will be too caught up in her Raven/Blake issues. I have no doubt that Blake’s own abusive past can be used as a bonding point as well with Emerald (a common vector used for fans of the rare ship Cat Burglar), but Weiss perhaps more than anyone else shares a fundamental understanding of Emerald’s “love.” The love of someone determined to win any shred of approval that they can from the monster that haunts their nightmares every night. 

Given how Emerald has allusions to Aladdin and Weiss is Snow White, their relationship also works in referencing their fairytale sources- Aladdin saves Jasmine in his story, after all. Rags to ritches is also one of the most prolific tales out there, especially ones where a person destined for greatness falls in love with a member of high society and rises through the ranks. Weiss is a princess after all, and every princess does need her pauper so that she may find true love. Weiss has already tried her hand as the upper echelons of society romantically (Henry and Neptune) and they were found lacking.  

(Source. Art by @nibbles-scribbles​)

In some cases, literally. 

Does this need to mean a romantic connection, especially when Emerald will be coming off her last lover being abusive? Perhaps not, but a close bond between them would be impossible to avoid. However, a romantic attachment between Emerald and Weiss would be a beautiful thing to see develop. Two women, nearly broken down by their oppressive abusers, coming together and helping each other heal from their past traumas? I don’t know about you but that sounds like it could be a great story to me. Emerald already wears a lot of white too, so their color schemes unite smoothly. 

To conclude this extended love letter, Emerald and Weiss are two sides of the same coin. Young women beaten down and abused by those with power over them who had desperately lonely childhoods. Women who developed into strong and capable warriors with Semblances that altar different facets of reality, who could have a natural rivalry that leads into a smooth friendship and maybe even more beyond, all of which could be backed by organic references to both of their fairytale sources and allow for a wonderful string of character development for Weiss and Emerald as they heal from their past traumas. This may be a rare ship, one that may have gotten all the references it ever will when Emerald complimented Weiss’s dress.

But damnit. It’s my rare ship and I’ll go down with it, I’ve made too many great friends thanks to it. If you’d like to see more EmWeiss content, check out my great friends @goldibox, @dabby-the-house-elf (the main for @nibbles-scribbles whose seminal art I’ve used throughout this piece), SassyUnicorn7′s A Fight To Remember (one of the best fanfics for both EmWeiss and Yang/Merc, and Sassy herself is a delight to know who lights up my day when I get to talk to her).

(Thanks to @weisscoldglare for this)

Thanks again for reading. 

[amandajoyce118]

Ant-Man and the Wasp Easter Eggs and References

I never posted this. Whoops. Since I’ve been lacking on the six-sentence Sundays, have this instead.

Obviously, there are going to be spoilers for the movie. Since it’s been out for a while now, I probably don’t have to warn people about that, but… just in case, you’ve been warned.

(Also, I’m going to be honest, while typing this up, I realized it’s been so long since I made my notes, that I couldn’t even read some of them, so there’s probably a reference or two missing.)

The Original Wasp

The original costume that we see for the Wasp is muuuuuccch closer to the comic book costume than the one Hope wears. Funnily enough, her clothing in the Quantum Realm is also what she wears when stuck in the Microverse after being shrunk down because she was turned into a living bomb. Good times. Fun fact: Janet actually designed all of the Avengers’ costumes in the comics. She was a fashion designer in addition to being a scientist and a hero.

The Red Queen

On the wall of Hope’s childhood bedroom is a print of what looks like the Red Queen from Alice Through the Looking Glass. In the comics, the Red Queen is Hope’s supervillain name. Yes, she’s a supervillain in another universe.

Cassie

Cassie’s really good at the game to steal a priceless artifact for a little kid, isn’t she? In the comics, she becomes a superhero in her own right, and this whole sequence just made me think she’d be pretty good at it.

The Accords

For the reason Scott is on house arrest see Captain America: Civil War. Is this really an Easter egg at this point? I don’t know. But it was in my notes anyway.

X-Con Security Consultants

It’s not a subtle pun, but I love it all the same. It’s also a nod to the fact that when Scott gets out of prison in the comics, he also started his own security company.

“Snap your fingers.”

While Scott is learning about magic, he watches a video that features this line when discussing how to effectively use misdirection. Was this whole movie a big chunk of misdirection so that we didn’t think about the finger snap? Maybe. Was the finger snap itself some giant misdirection? Maybe. Who knows? I just like that it got a nod here too.

Agent Jimmy Woo

The FBI agent is a character from the comics. He worked for Agents of Atlas at one time, and later became the head of a school for gifted kids in Mumbai. (BTW, he’s also listed as a contact in May’s phone on Agents of SHIELD.)

Animal House

When Scott is being “kidnapped,” he was busy watching Animal House. Specifically, he’s watching a scene that involves Donald Sutherland theorizing about how small the universe really is.

Hank’s Cars

Much like his keychain of a tank he carried around in the first movie, Hank carries around a whole set of cars in this movie. He also carries around his shrunken lab. In the comics, he also carried a pouch full of things he shrunk down, just in case he needed them.

Sonny Burch

The guy dealing in black market goods exists in the comics. He was the chairman of Cross Technologies. We met Cross in the first movie. Funnily enough, the company used to be under Obadiah Stane. You might remember him from the Iron Man movies. (Geoffrey Ballard, the guy Sonny calls to give a tip about Scott and Hope to, is also a comic book character. He became the villain Centurion.)

Hydra Doesn’t Exist

According to the folks in this movie, anyway. Anyone who keeps an eye on the TV side of the MCU knows that Hydra is still kicking at this point in the timeline in the form of Ruby, her mom, and their soldiers on Agents of SHIELD. (No, those timelines might not exactly line up, but that’s probably pretty close to where we are.)

Baba Yaga

Baba Yaga is actually a mythical being, but it’s funny that this story is used in reference to Ghost. Why? Because there is a Marvel character named Baba Yaga. She was the Russian goddess of witchcraft and misfortune… and she also ran a branch of the mafia and set up base in Brooklyn because… why not? Ghost, of course, was also a character in the comics, but the story for the character has been completely reworked for the movie.

Elihas Starr

Father to ghost here, he’s also a comic book character. He was an atomic scientist who became a villain known as Egghead. He was once hired to kidnap the Wasp, amongst other things.

Bill Foster, Former SHIELD Agent

Bill was Hank’s lab assistant for a while in the comics. You know what else he was though? Husband to Claire Temple for a while. He also worked for Tony Stark. And he became a hero in his own right - Goliath. (BTW, Laurence Fishburne's son plays the younger version of the character in flashbacks.)

Team Caps

I’m sorry, but did anyone else find it funny that Hope and Scott decided baseball caps were how they would walk around without being noticed? It’s the same way Captain America and company try to stay under the radar. I guess it’s good Scott ended up on Team Cap.

The Chalkboard

I’m sure there are some Easter eggy things on the board that me, a non science nerd, wouldn’t catch. More eagle eyed fans will.

Project Goliath

Like I said, Bill was once a hero named Goliath. That’s also a code name used by Hank Pym when he was “Giant Man.” It’s also been used by other characters when they were supersized. It was also a project already mentioned by Tony Stark in one of the Iron Man movies when he was looking into old SHIELD projects.

“Janet was the one to endure…”

Bill says this about Janet’s working relationship with Hank. I found the wording purposeful. In the comics, Hank’s mental health disorders and experimentation with his abilities end up combining to create multiple personalities. One of them is Yellowjacket, who was abusive. His temperment in the MCU doesn’t seem to be all that different according to those who worked with him before.

“It’s them!”

Bill Foster says this when he sees a bunch of ants. Why is this a reference? Because it’s a shout out to the movie THEM! from the 50s. It featured giant ants. Hope, Scott, and Cassie, also watch it on a rooftop later.

Ava’s Place

There’s a nod to another Disney franchise in her home/lab. I spotted a Darth Vader helmet on one of her shelves.

Argentina

This is an interesting choice for Ava’s backstory. For one thing, we haven’t seen much of it in the MCU before. For another, the country is most often associated with Black Tarantula in the comics. Magneto has also gone after Nazi war criminals there, Maya Hansen (you remember her from Iron Man) has been kidnapped there, and portals to other realities have opened there. It’s a happening place on the page, so maybe we’ll start to see more of it on screen.

Truth Serum

The whole back and forth about whether or not truth serum worked reminded me of Skye being threatened with it on Agents of SHIELD in the pilot, only for it to be used on Grant Ward to gain her trust instead. It was made very clear that there was no such thing as a truth serum after the fact, but maybe there is.

Stan Lee

The 60s were fun, he says in his cameo. And he wasn’t kidding. It featured Jack Kirby’s psychedelic style, for sure. It was also definitely a good decade for Marvel. The Fantastic Four, The Incredible Hulk, The Avengers, The Amazing Spider-Man, and Daredevil all got their first solo titles that decade. (It was a good year for DC too. Poison Ivy and Batgirl both made their comic book debut during the decade.)

Tim Heidecker

You’ll recognize him as the boat captain from the big confrontation scene. He’s actually the co-host of a podcast. His co-host Gregg Turkington appeared in the first movie in a cameo as well.

The Infinity War Tie-In

Ant-Man ends up stuck in the Quantum Realm while everyone waiting for him outside dissolves into ash. This gives us an explanation for just what Scott was up to during the events of Avengers: Infinity War as the end of that movie is where we see all of that dissolving into ash. This movie apparently takes place over roughly the same time period, just like the last few episodes of Agents of SHIELD likely do as well, making this a very packed time period on Earth.

[thephantomwithin7]

A Realization of Steven’s Character (A Steven Universe Future Essay)

This essay was first made as a video essay and I uploaded it days ago. You can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKmZgmvDh9s

I wrote this essay as I wanted to express my thoughts over Steven’s character arc throughout the whole series. This is based on my own opinions and observations so if yours differs from mine, I will respect it. I welcome friendly discourse if anyone wants to. 

Resources used for this essay:

1.The tweet that inspired this video: https://twitter.com/LeaC_Official/status/1242885405969694720?s=20

2.  Creating Character Arcs by K.M. Weiland

a. The Lie Your Character Believes: https://www.helpingwritersbecomeauthors.com/character-arcs-2/

b. The Thing Your Character Wants vs. The Thing Your Character Needs: https://www.helpingwritersbecomeauthors.com/character-arcs-3/

c. Your Character’s Ghost: https://www.helpingwritersbecomeauthors.com/character-arcs-4/

_____

I've been a fan of Steven Universe since the first season, and I like everything that happened so far. However, I have been observing Steven’s conflict in Future for a while. As someone who is also struggling with her mental state, it hits me very close to home. Now, people start to realize how bad his experiences from the original series were and how these same experiences are affecting him in Future.

And I gotta say I like the route the Crewniverse is taking on his character arc.

I wanna share with you a tweet that inspired me to make this essay. @LeaC_Official tweeted with a video, and I quote:

“This aged badly and was never cute. This poor boy didn't realize what he was doing to himself, and the fact it was painted in a way to fool the audience as well just hurts even more.”

The video was Steven singing his part in the Extended Theme Song, which is:

“I will fight to be everything that everybody wants me to be when I'm grown!”

Steven’s character arc started out holding onto this belief that he must be someone everybody (emphasize the word everybody) wanted him to be. That belief is very broken to the core.

In K.M. Weiland’s Creating Character Arcs, there’s this thing called The Lie The Character Believes. A character’s life may either be good or bad at the start of the story. However, there is The Lie that has been manifesting deep inside. The Lie is vital for one to make a positive change in himself. To quote Weiland:

“Your character is incomplete on the inside. He is harboring some deeply held misconception about either himself, the world, or probably both.”

In some stories, this misconception can either make or break a character. He may not even know he has a problem, especially if that misconception has been miraculously working on him. The Lie can be anything. Let’s make the three main Crystal Gems as examples:

Garnet, once she found out about Rose’s secret, she thought that Ruby and Sapphire’s relationship was based on a lie.

Amethyst believed that she was a mistake and a parasite as she was made from the Kindergarten. Also, she felt that she cannot be the gem she was supposed to be.

Pearl spent a lot of her time thinking that she was powerless and expendable as she was willing to put herself in the line every time Rose was in the brink of danger. This was obvious while she was trying to train Connie on sword fighting.

Now, how does Steven fit into all of this? Well, what I can observe from him in Future, he has been burdened himself with a lot of responsibilities that were deeply seeded during the original series. It affected much of his self-image and his fear.

Firstly, I wanna point out that not everyone doesn’t start off knowing who they are, exactly. I think that part of the growing-up process is hearing different advice about how we should behave in different environments and in different situations. Role models are also one of the factors in one’s self-development since in our early childhood, we learn by mimicking grown-ups. Being someone else is not all that bad unless it started harming one’s self-image. Since Steven lived most of his childhood being raised by his three moms and was also pressured from the responsibility of being a Crystal Gem, it can be established that he got his broken belief from those factors.

Secondly, we need to identify what Steven wants and what he needs. Once we established The Lie, we also established The Thing Your Character Wants. The Want is something external or physical. Let’s make an analogy. Your arm is broken, but you have that deadline at work, so you just use a makeshift sling. You say that you’re already okay, but it’s difficult for you to work while enduring pain. You drink medicines to ease it, but that’s just temporary. The problem here is you’re not addressing The Lie you believe. You’re making yourself enslaved by The Lie you have. The Lie on the earlier issue was you thinking a temporary fix will just work out fine. The Want was you doing your best at work. Steven’s Want was already stated in the Extended Theme Song. He wanted to fight for someone else’s sake. He can also be his troubles over his self-image since almost every character either sees him as Rose or as Pink.

Now, when there is The Lie, there’s The Truth or The Thing Your Character Needs. It usually goes to be just a realization, and it will be his way to transform the outlook of himself or the world or both. Once the character finally embraces The Truth, it will inspire him to pursue his Wants. Steven’s Need can be either he must fight on his own accord or put himself first before others.

Thirdly, I don’t think Steven having that broken belief was intended to fool the audience. He was a kid; he didn’t understand much of the world around him. There was this hint of innocence, and that made him an idealist. There’s still room for him to change his belief.

But with this belief begins to backfire, Steven’s turmoil also starts to reach the surface.

According to Creating Character Arcs, the reason the character believes in The Lie is there must be something haunting him from his past. It is called The Ghost.

“The Ghost may be as simple as an ingrained belief. The Ghost may be something obviously horrific that the protagonist did or that was done to him, or someone he loved, or The Ghost may be something the protagonist embraces without realizing the damage it’s causing. The key to identifying The Ghost is understanding it will always be the underlying cause for the protagonist’s belief in The Lie.”

That passage nails most of Steven’s Ghosts. But to understand more, we must go back from the one episode from the original series that openly displayed some of these Ghosts and how it related to his Lie.

During Mindful Education (which is MY favorite SU episode ever), it briefly showed Steven’s chaotic emotions brewing inside him. It involved feelings of remorse and guilt over Steven’s inability to convince Jasper, Bismuth, and Eyeball to accept help from him. It’s also important to point out what Connie learned after talking to Garnet, which is attempting to cover up one’s internal conflict can be harmful. On the other hand, Steven was trying to process everything that happened in the previous episodes. At one point while he was trying to comfort Connie over what happened to her, he just said:

“I know what it's like... Sometimes, you hurt people... by accident...? Y-you just have to try not to think about it.”

And when he started to break down, he couldn’t stop these overwhelming thoughts any longer.

“I'm sorry! None of them would let me help them! I had no choice!”

“It feels so bad!”

“I don't want to feel this way.”

The ghosts of Jasper, Bismuth, and Eyeball (and also the white butterflies) are the personifications of his guilt and remorse, but interestingly, all those butterflies combined and created the Ghost of Rose. It appeared in front of him with a disappointed look on her face. This goes back to his Lie. He felt this way because his Want is to fight for someone’s sake. Failing to help those three characters means he was unable to do that.

At the end of the episode, Connie became his voice of reason to reassure him, and Steven managed to confront and to accept to feel those bad feelings. What I like about this episode, while Connie’s problem was nowhere as stressful as Steven’s, she was able to empathize with Steven while he was overwhelmed. However, as there is so much happening to him in the next episodes, those feelings became overwhelming.

Jumping back to the episodes of Future, we can observe how Steven became enamored to his Lie. He was still holding on to his belief that everything is his responsibility, that everyone needs his help, as pointed out during his fight against Jasper. Steven was trying to fix everything that cannot be repaired or already okay. Also, he was so fixated to fill that missing piece to have his happy future. He attempted to channel his negative emotions into different things, yet he failed to address the main problem, which was his belief.

A character arc, like a story, has its Climax. This portrays the character’s frantic drive to attain his Want. It ends up in two ways, either winning a hollow victory or losing everything altogether. Depression can vary from one person to another, but it was observed that persons who have depression exhibit similar behaviors, mainly self-isolation and rumination. Those two were side effects of Steven’s Lie.

He asked for help from different people in his life, but he ended up steering himself away because he felt they didn’t understand what he wanted. He asked his dad for his help, but he ended up losing some of his respect for him. He tried asking for the Crystal Gems’ support, but he didn’t want to deal with their empathy and condescension. He went for the Diamonds as well, but they couldn’t help him get what he wanted.

As it spiraled out of hand, Steven developed uncertainty over who he should be, now everything is fine. He lost his sense of self and beat himself up with negative self-talk. After that, his state of mind begins to reflect onto his physical form, and his belief made him a kaiju.

The resolution to his arc, I think, made sense. Steven lost his rationality with his chaotic state of mind that he cannot reason with himself anymore. He cannot snap himself out of it. Him turning into a monster was his cry for help, and it all relied on his family and friends to be there for him like he was for them. Otherwise, they would lose him over his chaotic state of mind. After a moment of the darkest hour, they realized that they had to give Steven the assurance that they will be there for him no matter what happens, and it is okay to put himself on his own first. It is okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to be him. Not as Rose. Not as Pink. Just Steven. Kaiju Steven began to calm down and turned back to normal Steven.

And for the first time, Steven finally expressed his feelings openly and put his own feelings first.

So, what now?

I think that Steven’s Character Arc was done well. I know that they took this long to address his issues, but overall, I think it was grounded. Persons who are struggling with their conflict can find it challenging to resolve their problems, and it can take decades for them to finally move forward, especially if they don’t have a lot of source of support.

It took me 9 years to finally seek help. I bottled so many emotions because of my Lie: that being vulnerable is also being weak. That I’m just a burden to my family and friends for being myself. Now, I’m currently learning The Truth. Being vulnerable is being human. I got people by my side that will support and love me no matter what. I’m glad that I learned what I was believing in was harmful to my well-being because it is a part of the growing-up process.

Steven Universe and Future hit very close to home for me because it reminded me of The Truth. It showed us that vulnerability is not a weakness; that we don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations; and that we deserve love. Despite its imperfections, this show really deserves all the respect it receives. And as it is difficult for me to say goodbye, I’m glad I found this show. Thank you, Ms. Rebecca Sugar and the Crewniverse, for giving us a spectacular experience. And also... thank you, Steven, and I’m glad you got what you need.

[higherxoplaces]

Daddy Issues- Prologue

Daddy Issues 

Prologue

Warnings: Mentions of abuse

Change never comes when you expect it to 

         “Tallulah, darling, have I ever told you how pretty you are.” The endearing compliment was paid to me as I changed coffee filters. I didn’t have to turn around to know who my admirer was.  Heartwell’s Roadside Diner saw its fair share of tourist and commuters but our local regulars came in like clockwork. Although at late hours like these our customers were few and quiet.

         “Jimmy, leave the girl alone,” Rhonda interjected as she squeezed between me and the counter, “Tallulah’s to nice to tell you but she’s not interested.”

         I laughed, closing the now clean coffee maker and turned around to Jimmy pouting comically. “Oh don’t tell him that. Now he won’t bribe me for a date with generous tips.”

         “Nah, he enjoys these stupid uniforms that we wear too much not to tip you,” Rhonda bellowed out laughing, “It’s not just your southern charm that brings all the boys to your section.”

         Jimmy tried to defend my honor. “Now who’s bothering her,” he spoke with a false sense of triumph.

         The bell above the front door rang before Rhonda could get a jab out. I looked up instinctively, immediately relived to see that it wasn’t a rowdy road-trippers. However, worry squeezed in my stomach when I saw my brother Cain flaked by our two younger sisters. Cocking his head, he silently beckoned me outside. Never had he came inside of Heartwell’s, even when early to pick me up after my shift he just waited in the parking lot. Wiping coffee grounds on my apron I glanced at Rhonda, who gave me an understanding nod.

         Cain walked around the building silently, my sisters and I trailing behind. It was when we stepped under the flickering yellow street lamp that I noticed the blossoming bruise on Cain jaw and the swelling under his left eye. The twins, Anna and Ruby, were still in their matching pajamas with messy hair and tear stained cheeks.

         “What did he do now?” Was all I could get out. My chest hurt with anger and concern and hot tears escaped from my eyes. I always hated seeing the three people that mattered most to me hurting yet this was normal in our childhood.

         The tick in Cain’s jaw told me that it had been worse this time. The abuse of our step-father, Phillip, had finally crossed a line of insufferable. Since the death of our mother three years ago his drunken rages progressed from punching holes in to walls to leaving bruises on Cain and I. Although Cain got the brunt of the abuse Phillip choose to leave my mark on places easily covered by clothes.

         “We’re leaving tonight,” was Cain’s answer. The mop of dark hair was pushed back from his forehead, something he only did when his anxiety took effect, which was often. “As soon as you get off I packing you guys up and we’re leaving.”

         I just nodded, mentally calculating my savings. The only reason I worked at Heartwell’s was for this moment. Cain and I had been planning this for years, starting as a fallacy, dream almost, then morphing in to an escape. Although being the twin’s father we knew it was only a matter of time before his wrath turned on them. In our mother’s passing they became the main priority of protection.

“Did he hurt them?” I whispered the question I didn’t want to hear the answer to. The twins, who’d now taken to leaning against my either of my legs, were usually shielded from the physical abuses and were in shock.

Cain shook his head but said, “No but he woke them up just to watch him punch me.” There was nothing that I could say to make any of this better. I was always the one to hold the job of soothing and reassurance. The deadly look in Cain’s eyes told me words were not going to be enough.

“I’ll get my check,” I paused, not knowing if my next words were true, “Then we will leave.”

It had always been us against the world but now we didn’t have to live in fear. No matter how many times I imagined this moment it was surreal. At sixteen I did not think I was ready for the world. Before this moment I was a high school dropout who worked at a truck stop dinner. Within hours everything that I ever known would be a receding image in a rearview mirror.

Where that thought would have scared anyone else I felt a wave of relief.

1. And if You Were My Little Girl

[ttawoabw]

Book Box Club: December ‘Magic By Night’ Box

Okay, so if you don’t know what a book subscription box then;

Where have you been?

Check out my blog post about them HERE.

Okay let me just start off by saying that I feel extremely let down by this box and feel as though I have been deceived.  The theme for the December box was ‘Magic By Night’.  A direct quote from the theme announcement states “As soon as I heard about the premise I was excited and it didn’t take many sittings of reading my ARC copy to know that we just HAD to have this book for Book Box Club. Kate was equally enthralled and called me to chat about it after she had finished the first chapter. It’s a tricky read to shoehorn into a particular genre, it has everything; romance, teenage angst, small-town prejudice and magical creatures. The writing is seriously beautiful and some nights I would read it before I went to sleep and wake up wondering if I had really read those magical scenes or actually dreamt them instead! If any of you are fans of Maggie Stiefvater and the vivid descriptions in Erin Morgenstern’s  The Night Circus then this will be right up your street!” furthermore in their newsletter titled ‘An Exciting Reveal About Our Magic By Night Box’ they state that “This month, as a special treat, recipients of our Magic by Night box will receive TWO BOOKS: our featured book for this month, plus an advanced reading copy of a book due out in early 2017.”  Now as someone who is a control freak and picky reader I usually try and guess the book included in a box BEFORE I order it.  Based on what I read and what I’m showing you I made the logical conclusion that the book included would likely be Caraval by Stephanie Garber as it’s been promoted as a YA version of The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern and it’s being released at the end of January.  All the promotion and reveals for this box, in my opinion, point clearly to the feature book being Caraval.  I was wrong and because of that I feel extremely let down.   Anyway, let’s get into the unboxing/review.  Sorry if I sound bitter throughout but when things don’t go my way (or the way I expect them too) I get grouchy…

Okay, so let’s start out by saying that I can’t show you the box because it has my address right on top, but the box experienced some denting and damage in transit.  I know from the theme reveal video that this artwork was hand painted then photographed (at least I assume so) so I can’t criticize it too much other than the colours don’t fit with the feature book. The actual information side of the introduction card is clear, easy to read and precise it also includes the full links to stores not just the social media handle or shop name – which is something very good in my opinion.

I also received this little Christmas card in the box, so that was cool.

The first product included is this cute star charm wish bracelet.  It has a quote by Sarah J. Maas (‘You Could Rattle The Stars) on the packaging and on the back it says “Close your eyes, make a wish, tie your bracelet on your wrist, when the cord breaks in two your wish will then come true!” I think this bracelet is super cute and I’ll be putting it on once I’ve completed this post.  It’s by The Woodland Folk on Etsy.

Next up we have this unicorn iron on patch.  This is a nice design  but I don’t really have a use for it.  It’s by Rosie Wonders.

Then we have this adorable pencil which says ‘I believe in unicorns’.  It’s made by the curator of this box and I absolutely adore it!

This magical notebooks by Fable and Black features a J.K Rowling quote on it.  It’s not lined inside and is a decent size.

  And this month’s feature book is….

Bone Gap by Laura Ruby.  This is a YA Magical Realism Romance.

  Everyone knows Bone Gap is full of gaps—gaps to trip you up, gaps to slide through so you can disappear forever. So when young, beautiful Roza went missing, the people of Bone Gap weren’t surprised. After all, it wasn’t the first time that someone had slipped away and left Finn and Sean O’Sullivan on their own. Just a few years before, their mother had high-tailed it to Oregon for a brand new guy, a brand new life. That’s just how things go, the people said. Who are you going to blame?

Finn knows that’s not what happened with Roza. He knows she was kidnapped, ripped from the cornfields by a dangerous man whose face he cannot remember. But the searches turned up nothing, and no one believes him anymore. Not even Sean, who has more reason to find Roza than anyone, and every reason to blame Finn for letting her go.

As we follow the stories of Finn, Roza, and the people of Bone Gap—their melancholy pasts, their terrifying presents, their uncertain futures—acclaimed author Laura Ruby weaves a heartbreaking tale of love and loss, magic and mystery, regret and forgiveness—a story about how the face the world sees is never the sum of who we are.

  I had never heard of this book and that’s probably because it isn’t the type of book I would pick up.  It was released in 2015 – so it’s odviously not our ARC copy.  I expected Caravel to be this book and as I’ve said I am extremely disappointed. This book also came with a signed book plate which I haven’t used and won’t since I plan on selling this book.

The box also included an interview card with the author of the feature book.  I like this idea but I never end up reading them, which is silly of me.

We also received some book promotion stuff, first up we have this promotion card for Frogkisser by Garth Nix.  I’m glad this was included as I hadn’t heard about this book and it sounds like something I might enjoy.

Then we have this two sided teaser booklet for Unconventional by Maggie Harcourt and Broken Sky by L.A. Weatherly.

And the second book is….

The Memory Book by Lara Avery.  This is supposedly the ARC, however this book was released in the US back in July of 2016 and I’ve seen it in Australian stores (we get the UK covers) since before Christmas.  So it most certainly is not an ARC of a book being released in early 2017.  I’ve been meaning to pick this one up however it seems extremely gut wrenching so I probably won’t pick it up til I’m in a good place mentally so I’m not upset about it being included.  However it doesn’t fit with the theme AT ALL.

  They tell me that my memory will never be the same, that I’ll start forgetting things. At first just a little, and then a lot. So I’m writing to remember.

Sammie was always a girl with a plan: graduate at the top of her class and get out of her small town as soon as humanly possible. Nothing will stand in her way–not even a rare genetic disorder the doctors say will slowly start to steal her memories and then her health. What she needs is a new plan.

So the Memory Book is born: Sammie’s notes to her future self, a document of moments great and small. It’s where she’ll record every perfect detail of her first date with longtime crush, Stuart–a brilliant young writer who is home for the summer. And where she’ll admit how much she’s missed her childhood best friend, Cooper, and even take some of the blame for the fight that ended their friendship.

Through a mix of heartfelt journal entries, mementos, and guest posts from friends and family, readers will fall in love with Sammie, a brave and remarkable girl who learns to live and love life fully, even though it’s not the life she planned.

  PRETTY PAGES!

Final Thoughts:

While I admire the quality of the products included I hate to say I won’t be ordering from this company again.  Not only is the feature book not a new release (and while that would be fine if they advertised that that was the case they don’t/didn’t) but to me (and I haven’t read the book so I could be wrong) it doesn’t really fit the theme.  If you’re including a magical realism book make the theme more obscure and less ‘magic’.  Also the creators should be more aware of the books being released and how they should make the theme more  specific to what they’re including.  I was expecting more dark creepy circus and fairy like things instead I got unicorns and a contemporary novel?  I just feel like there was a lot of false advertising and I am disappointed with the company.  Obviously you are free to judge based on your own opinions of the products included but to me I’ve been ‘wronged’ by them and just have no interest in using this service again.  (Which is probably a good thing since I have so many other boxes I want to try and buy..)  I really do love the bracelet and pencil though!

  You can order your Book Box Club box HERE for £27.99 (not including shipping). If you want to check out past boxes you can click HERE and HERE.

  My Links:

Goodreads : Becca Winter

Instagram : becca_theory

Twitter : @Becca_Theory

Facebook : The Troubles And Woes Of A Bookworm

Becca

xxx

The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone.  This post is not sponsored I paid for the box myself.

Book Subscription Box Review: Book Box Club Book Box Club: December 'Magic By Night' Box Okay, so if you don't know what a book subscription box then;