#and NOT expect me to play the game religiously for multiple weeks?

[seo-changbinnies]

finally on a human schedule which means i will try to be online more but IN MY DEFENSE … blame swtor

[cinellieroll]

☆ random obey me headcanons part 2!

asmodeus, levi and barbatos ♡

part one (lucifer, mammon and simeon)

part three (beelzebub, belphegor, solomon)

part four (satan and diavolo)

cw: some small nsfw on asmo's part :p

small note: thank you so much for the likes and reblogs! i never expected such a large majority of people to enjoy my content so it's very dear to me. once again, thank you!

☆ asmodeus:

- kinda bad at cooking. his way of slicing and dicing vegetables is very mediocre if not clumsy looking. there are days where his cooking is acceptable and days where it's to seasoned or too bland (always convinces himself its good tho and posts it on his devilgram)

- though he's kinda bad at cooking, his baking skills are okay! his favorite pastry to make are cookies because he can design them the most.

- "ofcourse mc! you'll always be the first one to try my desserts! unless you want to taste something else?~ ♡"

- he has a collection of sanrios, hironos and sonny angels in his room. ESPECIALLY sonny angels. crazy thing is he always gets them for free from his fans and its always the limited edition ones

- he really enjoys watching old movies from the human world especially the romcoms. mean girls, notting hill, pitch perfect. he will pester you to rewatch it with him even though you guys have seen it multiple times already.

- he keeps a small jewelry box in his room but instead of jewelry its full of pics of you and him and the gifts you give him. theres some pics in there where the other brothers were cut or crossed out so it'll be just you and him lmfao

- he is a yandere and i stand by this. it's not as obvious but if he's really into you he'll constantly mark you with his scent and the stuff he wears. he'll leave a hickey or a bite mark if you're lucky ;)

- the type of guy to only bring a purse to school. if you ask for a pencil the bitch is gonna open his bag and say "oopsie! i only brought my makeup pouch and mirror today. sorry babe!"

- has his own private concert in showers every goddamn day

- he'll either fangirl with you about celebrities or he'll get extremely jealous because you're simping for someone else.

☆ levi:

- sometimes his ass crack will be on display when he's sitting down on the floor

- wears booty shorts religiously. sometimes he'll casually just walk out his room wearing a hoodie and booty shorts with prints on it

- has a tumblr account where he posts a bunch of hc, drabbles and other shit and until now no one knows its him

- had an amino and discord phase where he always roleplayed with other people. till this day it haunts him at night

- he livestreams twice a week on twitch and has been scolded by lucifer on stream once. there was also a time where mammon barged in his room half naked and suddenly all the views went up 10x

- trolls on roblox like it's a 9 to 5 job

- every once in a while he'll stay in lucifers room while lucifer is doing paperwork. he'll just lay down on his bed, watch and play games and even fall asleep

- makes his own persona in every fandom he gets into and writes very detailed backstories (dw levi, same)

- only reads "x reader" fics for obvious reasons

- went insane because human world games and animes are better than the ones in devildom. dont get me started about aot. (his favorite is levi ackerman obvi)

☆ barbatos:

- wishes he could get piercings but since he's the demon prince's butler he obviously can't

- started tweakin when you said some humans keep rats and bugs as pets. like he stopped polishing some plates and looked at you like you just dog shitted diavolo's name

- really enjoys your spotify playlist filled with metalhead and grunge songs. he really likes slipknot

- likes to order those cute, fancy tea sets when he has the time. when you gifted him tea leaves and a limited edition teapot set his love for you sky rocketed.

- gets annoyed when solomon manspreads

- has a really good voice when he sings. he used to sing diavolo lullabies when his father would get angry at him

- scrolls through levi and mammon's post for educational purposes cuz he wants to learn slangs just incase diavolo asks him what a specific word means

- "barbatos, what does 'runnin from da opps' mean?"

- "my lord, 'runnin from da opps' is a slang made by the new generation. it means fleeing from your haters."

- loves to tailor and iron his bed sheets so he can have a peaceful rest after a long day of non stop errands.

[aghostwithnoname]

Okay it's been about two weeks to cook on my initial reaction to finishing DATV, and I feel like, for the most part, it still stands?

Like smooches to all the companions - you're not really the problem in this. I also love my Rook. Adore you, Taash and Davrin extra special. Assan, my son, my beloved, you are perfect.

But aside from diehard DA fans either defending or detracting Veilguard within an inch of their lives, imo the defining problem of the game is sets up these interesting, compelling, and tasty conflicts we've come to expect with the franchise but instead of like, you know, delivering on that, playing out that tension, eking it out for angst, lols, rage, and tears, asking serious moral quandaries of the player... they just… resolve them? create false equivalencies? say "here is your choice - it will have consequences!" but really the outcome is mostly the same?

So yeah, it's really just a lack of stakes on anything and everything important. And I think that's a missed opportunity as a writer myself - bc while some people may see the removal of real world social ills in a fantasy setting as being more "inclusive" (a take I as a person with multiple marginalized identities don't really understand and frankly sounds to me like some corporate BS), what BioWare really is doing is attempting to rebrand its signature series into something it isn't : a world without complication or friction or messy realities.

The Bad Guys are literally straight up Evil - the Good Guys are So Good. Whether you choose to doom Treviso or Minrathous, the idea that the Crows are no longer being child-enslaving assassin mafia houses (Rip Zevran and your revenge), the fact BioWare completely avoided any depictions or barely mentioned the horrible mistreatment and enslavement of the elves in Tevinter, even going so far as to paint the elves as partially at fault for that bc of their shitty gods??? (good lord, there's too much to unpack there), nothing truly matters.

DA was never just simplistic, good vs evil fantasy, so why start now?

Like any good storyteller knows that stories are fundamentally about change whether that's changing a society or your own personal mindset. And more often than not, conflict is a result of that! Change is hard! Some people don't like change! That's not to say conflict must be physical or violent - sometimes the most interesting stories are ones where the hero is a different person that the one they started out as.

DATV literally changed so much about the lore and mechanics of the world (which okay fine), but everybody just rolled with the punches like it was nothing. Like, for ex, "The Maker doesn't exist and Andraste is Mythal"??? Damn son, you just got proof that literally thousands of years of abusive religious dogma that has been used to terrifying discriminatory ends in both the North and South of Thedas is a lie. And everyone just accepts that????

And for some of us who experience and live with discrimination every day, who come from abusive families, and are religious trauma survivors, part of the appeal of previous Dragon Age games, for me, is that it didn't run away from those issues. It made characters like me human and fallible where at the end of the day, yeah you can end the Fifth Blight but there is no right answer to who should rule Ferelden bc monarchy is a fucked up system that ruins everyone's lives - here is the quintessential "Chosen One" archetype who doesn't fucking want to be chosen (DAO); no you can't always save the world (re: Kirkwall) and those you love, and violent change of an abusive system can also blow up in your face (DA2), and no you're not in control of how other people perceive you, especially in how celebrity and status can dehumanize you to a point where you don't even recognize yourself (DAI). Like you could still be a hero in these games without being perfect. Whereas with DATV, I just felt... nothing. Like, it was a fun way (sometimes, not Weisshaupt jfc) to spend 80 hours. I learned that Solas and Mythal are even more horrible that I could possibly imagine.

but I didn't feel like Veilguard left me with anything like catharsis so I could go back and face the Merediths and Venatori and Loghains of the real world. it was just that - you defeated the Bad Guys! Game Over. Here's Varric Mufasa'ed in the sky (so very sad). Talk about a totally ridiculous misuse of the One Guy whose whole shtick is how you can use narrative as a weapon.

These are just my thoughts, and ofc everyone's allowed to like or dislike the game as they please, but I don't feel like it's appropriate to give Bioware (and their shitty treatment of their creative team) a free pass on a frankly subpar narrative ten years in the making that did not deliver the emotional beats it was meant to.

[ellieslaces]

a deep and sincere apology — an explanation by ellieslaces

to begin — thank you all so much for the influx of likes and reposts and support I’ve received lately! It really does mean a lot. however, I would like to offer an explanation for my sudden absence on here

(warning; it gets a little personal, I discuss things such as health issues and mental health issues and some sexuality issues)

(img. 1: me reading some of my past works that I’ve posted / abandoned, realizing they are indeed, shit)

To begin, I know I was working on my Can’t Catch Me Now series (a resident evil/hunger games au) and I do have full intention of finishing it. I have big plans for it! I want everyone to know, my absence and sudden hiatus on CCMN was not planned. I quickly became overwhelmed with every thing going on in my life.

Can’t Catch Me Now really is my brain child, idk where the hell it came from and how I managed to weave RE and THG together the way I did, but I can humbly say I am proud of it. I don’t want to abandon it, I’m just trying to find time and motivation to work on it.

as for Dancing With Our Hands Tied… yeowch. it’s a mess, I’m so sorry. I kind of want to rework it, to rewrite it now that I have a little bit of a better grasp on Leon’s character. But, it’s so much work and I’m already overwhelmed by continuing CCMN. So, it’s not a definite promise, but I will try to rework it at some point.

I do however want to venture into writing for some other characters. I’ve dabbled in writing for Hazel Callahan from Bottoms and the piece did pretty well (with the exception of someone commenting that it was shitty smut (it’s not even smut) and that threw me off for a while). but, I want to write for more female characters as well as maybe starting to write for Arthur Morgan from RDR2 (I’ve been playing lately and the brainrot is real). But, I’ll keep you all updated.

(img. 2; deep diving into the shit show that my life has become the past couple of months. it gets rough here sorry)

To begin, I again want to apologize for my sudden absence. I had some backlash on a piece I wrote and it messed with my head. And after that, everything in my life kinda went downhill. I want to try to remain as vague as I can while providing a good explanation.

I am in my final semester of undergrad. I am a little over a month or so away from my degree and I couldn’t be happier. However, it’s not been without challenges. I have a shitty professor, my college is really terrible and I have a lot of issues communicating with them (I don’t live in the state where I attend uni, I’m an online student as I moved)

On top of that, I’ve been having health issues lately. I had some bad blood work, which caused increased amounts of anxiety which led to me being physically ill for multiple weeks. I went to the doctor who referred me for an ultrasound (which made me sicker with anxiety). It went okay, but I needed another scan (a fibroscan) due to some issues with my liver. So, it’s been a little rough from that too.

On top of all that, I started talking to a girl online. For a while, she was the brightest point in my life. So sweet and funny and I was genuinely interested in her. But, something happened and we fell out of contact (really she stopped answering me). It hit me harder than I expected.

While she was a bright part of my life, I also struggled with it. I grew up religious, taught that homosexuality is a sin. I have known for a little over a year that I’m not straight. I’m not sure what I am, more unlabeled. But, I struggled because no one knows. I had a few long discussions with my therapist and she encouraged me to take it at my pace. My parents don’t know, and that’s been rough on me.

There’s also been some issues in my family that mess with my head. But that’s not my business to discuss with anyone.

Essentially, the last couple months have been heavy. This, despite being a little vague, is my reason. I’m sorry I didn’t give a warning, I just needed time. And there’s no promise I’ll be as active as I used to, but I want to be present on here. I just want to thank you all for your patience.

(img. 3; me at 3am ready to crack down on some works bc i miss writing)

As for what to expect with my newfound motivation and want to write, I have a few things. Obviously you can expect me to hopefully produce chapters Can’t Catch Me Now semi-regularly (maybe a chapter every week or two weeks). I want to finish that up and have it fully released.

I do have some other Leon works brewing, some standalones that I really love. So expect some of those.

Like I said, I want to work on writing for some female characters too. I have some works that aren’t fully completed for Jill, Hazel, Ellie, and Abby. But, as I’ve previously stated on my page, I want to be careful of what I post in terms of TLOU due to Druckman’s alliance to Israel. So, I make no promises in terms of that.

I stated I wanted to venture into writing for Arthur Morgan, and I do. I want to figure out how to write his character and get some works for him done. But I’m not sure when that will be.

As for now, all I ask is patience. I’m still trying to find my groove, get it back so I can write again. But, I hope to have some stuff out soon. All the best and thank you all.

Bunches and bunches of love,

ellieslaces.

[umichenginabroad]

Week 5 in Limerick

Hey guys, it’s Katie again, and here’s what happened this past week in Limerick.

Monday: Today, I changed up the procedure in the lab a bit. I’m using the same amount of sludge and acid, but I add the acid after running the reactor, then run it again at a lower temperature. Based on the results from today, it’s possible that doing this results in more liquid product and less hydrochar, but I will need to do a few more trials to be sure. We didn’t do much that evening besides hang out, but we had plans to go kayaking the next day, so it was nice to have a chill evening.

Tuesday: I started by repeating the experiment from yesterday, but during the second run of the HTC reactor, it heated past the set temperature, so I had to discard the products. It wasn’t a huge deal since I have plenty of time to run the various trials, but it was a little frustrating. In the evening, we went kayaking. We lucked out with the weather because it had been pouring rain on and off all day, but cleared up when we went out on the river. It was different than expected since we stayed in the same area on the river and played kayaking games like kayak polo, races, and kayak tag. It was a great time, even though I crashed into everyone multiple times. 

Wednesday: Today we switched things up a bit in the lab by going to use the scanning electron microscope, or SEM, to look at the hydrochar I collected. This ended up being kind of boring because they didn’t have time to train me on how to use the SEM, so I mostly watched Nina look at the samples and practice adjusting the microscope to see better. There was also a program to show some of the elements contained within the hydrochar, and to save pictures of the SEM view. Afterwards, it was too late to start another trial that would take hours, so I went home for the day. I took a quick trip to downtown Limerick to get a book, The Priory of the Orange Tree, which I had heard good things about.

A pretty dog mural in downtown Limerick

Thursday: Today, I retried the experiment procedure from earlier in the week, because Nina and I were not sure why the product in the reactor overheated. I observed the temperature, and when it once again went over 10 degrees above the set point, I told Nina, but this time she told me to collect the product as usual, suspecting an exothermic reaction caused by the acid. Unfortunately, I spilled some of my product at the end, so I couldn't get accurate mass measurements. Friday was pretty much the same, so there's not much to say there.

Saturday: Today, Pascale and I took a bus up to Dublin for the Pride Parade. It was my first one, and it was so cool to watch everyone marching and dancing by, having a great time. Super excited to go to another one next year. Then, I went to see the Book of Kells at Trinity College. First, I walked through a room with information about Irish illuminated manuscripts, which had some enlarged photos of the pages (we can't take photos of the actual book). Then, I saw the original Book of Kells in its own room, and walked up to the Old Library. It had busts of several famous people, as well as manuscripts from an old wealthy family's collection. Once that was over, Pascale and I walked around a little more, got food, and almost missed our bus back to Limerick because we couldn't find the stop. In the evening, we went to the David Bowie Experience at Dolan's, which had a band performing Bowie's greatest hits. It was very loud, but lots of fun, and the band did a great job.

Top left: Image from an illuminated manuscript. Top right: The Old Library. Bottom left: Pascale and me at the Pride Parade. Bottom right: idk what that is

Sunday: Since we were all tired from the concert last night, we took it easy in the morning. In the mid-afternoon, Pascale and I took a bus to see the Rock of Cashel, a complex of medieval buildings with great historical and religious significance. In the 25 minutes or so we had before closing, Pascale and I explored the old Gothic cathedral, graveyard, and chapel, all of which have fascinating histories. The Rock of Cashel is known as the legendary site where St. Patrick banished the devil, as well as the seat of the High Kings of Munster (Southern Ireland). Afterwards, we caught the next bus back to Limerick, grabbed a quick dinner, and headed back to the apartment.

Top left: the Rock of Cashel. Top right: view from the Rock of Cashel. Bottom left: side view of the Rock of Cashel, including the Round Tower. Bottom right: tapestry in a chapel.

[anonymousfiction211]

Run!

(Gif source: @lokihiddleston​)

Request: Loki with a predator/prey kink. One night, when he is having dinner with his wife, he shots her a glare with that look in his eyes and a devilish smirk on his lips. He gently tells her to run. As she’s sprinting down the halls, he’s tricking her by doubling himself. She soons learns his little game. By now whe’s running in a more open area, she sees him and thinks it’s just one of his clones. She doesn’t pay much attention to him and runs by him, rather cloos. But oops, it’s actually him this time and she’s pretty much screwed, because he pins her to the floor.

Words: 2.705 words

Warnings: Dominant Loki, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, sex (18+)

Run! The last week was a bit of a slur. It was filled with engagements, Loki had to attend, meaning that you had to attend also. Royal engagements never were fun, mostly tedious and boring. But there was something about this week, that had made them even more unbearable. Even your husband - who always knew a way to make things interesting, often not for the good of his royal status, had no tricks up his sleeve this time. You were a little disappointed by that. The days all consisted of polite small talk, political talk, and food. Lots of it. To make matters worse, no alcohol. Due to some religious holiday of the visiting royal family, who couldn't drink this week, Odin had decided as a sign of good will to not serve any alcohol. You got the political motivation behind his reasoning, but had cursed him several times that week in your head.  

The guests had finally left and you were now enjoying a quiet meal with your husband. Unfortunately, it was not a comfortable silence the two of you had fallen in. Both of you were still in an awful mood from the whole week. Literally nothing interesting had happened, that you could discuss. Of course, there were a lot of other topics the two of you could talk about. But for some reason both of you had decided to endure your meal in silence, waiting for this week to end. You were absently minded playing with your food. Not paying attention to your surroundings. You were looking around when your eyes locked with Loki’s. His green eyes sparked trouble, and knowing the devilish smirk that was plastered on his face, trouble was sure to follow.  

You stared at him, waiting for something to happen. But what happened, was not wat you expected. Loki sat up straight, he looked taller that way. His facial expression changed from trouble to regal, he clearly felt like he was in charge at the moment. And what followed was him leaning a bit closer towards you and he gently tells you ‘Run’.

‘What?’ you asked.  

‘Run’ he repeated again in the same gentle voice. ‘You have 10 seconds’ he added.

You abruptly stood up. You still looked into his eyes. His eyes which were saying I dare you to defy me. The adrenaline was starting to pump through your veins. Your breathing was already increasing and the thrill was starting to take control of you. Loki watched you intently, and that's when he said ‘5’

That was the moment you ran towards the door, quickly running through, and slamming it shut behind you. Hoping it would buy you more time, before Loki caught you. Because you both knew, you could run all you like, but there was a moment coming that he would catch you. How long it would take and what Loki would do if he did finally catch you, you didn't know. You quickly sprinted down the hall, reached the staircase and started to descend. Loki knew the palace and every little shortcut like the back of his hand. Your best chance was to remove yourself and him from palace grounds.  

When you were downstairs you had a choice to make. You could run to the left or to the right. Either way was leading towards the gardens, so it didn't really matter. But you still hesitated. You turned left, but then Loki walked around the corner. He was standing at the end of the hallway with a wolfish look on his face, that made the adrenaline run faster through you. You turned around and quickly run the other way. When you were almost at the door that would lead you to the gardens, you saw Loki suddenly appear in front of you.

The two of you were standing a few meters apart from each other. Your eyes locked in a staring contest. But that's when you realized, that this wasn't really Loki. If he had teleported, there would be a green glow, but there wasn't. Meaning that the Loki standing in front of you, was one of his doubles. You could go through them. You gave him a wink and sprinted towards him. You jumped at him and indeed went through. You slid the door to the side and entered the gardens.  

You ran as quick as you could through them, ignoring Loki's who were popping up right and left from you. You knew they weren't real. One appeared in front of you, but you just went through like the others. Suddenly you bumped into the back of a guard. He turned around and annoyingly looked at you. You saw from his face that he was about the scold you, but he didn't get to start because a green glow appeared behind you. Loki was standing at a distance. And you knew that he was real this time. The guard looked at it, bowed to the both of you and slowly backed away. Everyone knew better by now than to interrupt Loki in his games, especially his games that involved you.  

Before Loki could take a step towards you, you ran past the guard. ‘Sorry’ you yelled at them, and then you were gone. You didn't see Loki behind you for a while, but knew he was nearby. You ran towards the horse box, that way you could see him coming from either side of you. When you were almost there, you looked behind you and saw Loki in the far distance trying to catch up. Turning your head, you suddenly saw two Loki's in front of you. You didn't expect that, but knew better than to fall for his tricks. Of course, he would try to make you run the other way, towards him instead of away. You ran towards the Loki on the left in front of you and went through, like you expected.

But suddenly two arms grabbed you from the right and forced you to a halt. You squeaked out of shock and your eyes widened when you realised that Loki had caught you. How he had pulled this trick of you didn't know, but you did know by the look of he gave you, you were in trouble.  

‘So, the cat finally catches the little squeaking mouse’ he laughed.

Before you could response, he swept your feet. You fell backwards and landed, with a lot less impact than you were predicting, with your back on the ground. Loki was on top of you and pinned you down with his weight. You struggled underneath him, but he grabbed your wrists with one hand and put them above your head.

‘You can struggle all you want, but that won't stop me from having my way with you’ he growled in your ear.  

You were completely out of breath from all the running, and didn't have much strength left to struggle. Loki let you struggle for a few seconds, before he pinned your wrists down with his magic, leaving him with two free hands. Without saying a word, he grabbed the deep V-neck of your dress and tore it in half. You weren't wearing anything underneath and lay completely bare for him.  

‘Loki’ you panted. ‘We can't do this here!’  

He stopped and looked at you. The smirk on his face was back, the one that screamed trouble, and you knew now in how much trouble you were in. ‘Why not?’ he innocently asked. As if the two of you were in your private bedroom.

‘Someone will see’ you breathing had slowed down a bit. You didn’t struggle anymore, because it was futile. The cold air hit your body and you started to shiver a little. Your nipples hardened and you saw Loki licking his lips, as if you were a feast and he had been starving all week.

‘Then you shouldn't have let yourself get caught here’ he countered, as if it were your own choice.

Before you could protest any further, Loki kissed you deeply. Without asking for permission, he grabbed your hair and pulled on it. When you hissed his slid his tongue inside your mouth and started to explore every inch. When he broke of the kiss you were, again, out of breath. He started to kiss your necks and leave little bite marks. His hands were descending from your hair to your breasts. Your nipples were already hard, cause of the cold. But Loki started to play with them, taking each of your nipples between his thumb and index finger, slowly starting to roll and squeeze. Making them harder.  

He went on until you were softly moaning. ‘Still don't want to do it here?’ he smirked at you.  

‘I- what if someone sees?’ you asked. Loki just shrugged his shoulders and started to kiss lower towards your breasts. He took one nipple in his mouth. His warm tongue swirling around it, made you arch your back. While he kept his tongue working on your nipples, his hands went lower. He grabbed both of your thighs and spread you as wide as you could. He stopped and sat on his knees between your legs. He pulled the lips of your pussy slightly apart, exposing your wet hole and throbbing clit.  

He put his thumb on your clit and slowly started to circle it. That was the moment you were completely gone. You were now moaning shamelessly and bucking your hips to create more friction. Loki put his other arm on your stomach and pushed you down. His thumb was still working your clit and he put his mouth closer. You could feel his hot breath on your pussy.  

‘If someone sees us, they will see you, laying here so beautifully submissive. My good girl, letting me play with here as I like’

His thumb was removed, and replaced by his tongue. He licked up and down your entire length a few times, before starting to focus on your clit. After a few seconds he removed his tongue and replaced with his thumb again. He kept repeating this action, while he was whispering dirty things to you.

‘If you some sees us, I will not stop. I will keep going until you come moaning my name’

‘After that I will take you how I like. They will watch how you are fucked by me and can do nothing about it’

‘How you will come repeatedly on my cock from the pleasure only I can bring you’

You came hard on his tongue, almost screaming his name. Loki worked you through your orgasm. He got back up and the bonds on your wrists suddenly vanished. You immediately put your hands around his back and realised he was still fully clothed. You frowned at him and he just winked at you.

‘Am I wrong to say that you wouldn't enjoy it? Getting fucked by me, while some stranger watches us’ he grinned. The slight blush on your cheek betrayed you.  

Loki suddenly turned your around. You caught yourself on your hands and knees. He grabbed the back of your neck and pulled you down towards the ground. You heard his zipper open and knew what was about the come. You wiggled your bum a little in anticipation. Without warning Loki suddenly spanked you heard. You jolted forwards, hissing.  

‘Such a needy slut for me’ he growled.

He grabbed your hips with both hands, squeezing hard enough to leave bruises. He entered your slick entrance in one motion. He didn't give you any time to adjust, he started to rut in and out of you. You clenched your hands in the ground, while you felt his cock hitting your G-spot with precision every time he went into you. You were unable to do more than lay there and take it. Moaning so hard, that if someone was nearby, they would sure come looking. Loki was starting to grunt and you knew he was close. Suddenly you saw a light from afar, quickly approaching.  

‘Well, I suggest you come and make milk me for all I have. Unless you want that guard to watch me fuck you’ Loki purred in your ear.

He went on with his animalistic thrusts. The light was getting closer, but you didn't care. You felt his fingers snake to your clit and started to abuse your clit as they liked. Even though it was far too sensitive for any stimulation, you were loving every second. You came hard screaming his name, you walls clenched down on his cock. You heard Loki grunt loudly and his hot seed was spilling inside of you. When he got down from his bliss, he slipped out of you. He quickly flicked his wrist, cleaning the both of you. He grabbed his cock, put it back in his pants and pulled the zipper upwards.  

You slowly stood up, while Loki helped you. You had a little trouble to stand, your head snapped up to the light, which was very nearby.

‘Loki, clothes’ you hissed at him.  

You could see the shim of a horse, and the guard sitting on top of it holding a torch near his face. Suddenly a green shimmer engulfed you. You looked down and saw that Loki had dressed you in his coat, but only his coat. It just about covered you, and still exposed your legs which were covered in dirt. Everyone would know what happened if they only took one look at you.

‘Loki’ you hissed, but he just kissed the top of your temple.

The guard slowed his pace, once he recognized you and Loki. He assessed the situation, his eyes went to your legs and flicked towards Loki. Loki was just smirking proudly, while pulling you closer towards you. Your cheeks heated up, because everyone knew that the guard knew what just happened. To make matters even worse, it was the same guard you encountered in the gardens.

‘Sorry to disturb you. I just saw movement and had to check it out’ the guard said after clearing his throat.

‘Just doing your job’ Loki answered. ‘We were just going back to our room anyway’ he added.

‘Right’ the guard nodded and turned his horse around. And you were thankfully he was about the leave. But that is when you heard Loki's voice again.

‘Actually, my love has a little trouble walking I imagine. Would you be so kind to lend us your horse, so we can ride back?’ his voice betrayed that he was punishing the guard at the moment.

The guard turned around again, and didn't look at all happy with the request. You understood why, he was the one that had to walk all the way back. ‘Of course, your majesty’ the guard said through gritted teeth.

He emerged from his horse and handed Loki the reins. He bowed and started to walk towards the castle again.  

‘Why didn't you just teleport us back and let the guard keep his horse?’ you asked, when Loki had helped you up on the horse.

He got on as well and put the horse in a trot. You were comfortably laying back on his chest. Loki put one arm around your waist and held you tightly against him, while he used his other one the steer the horse.

‘If I hadn't shown up, he was going to scold you in those gardens. He deserves to walk back’ he said.

‘You know you're in trouble with your father after he hears the guard tell him what happened, he is probably walking straight towards him’

Loki just laughed ‘I know, but I will be too busy fucking you in the bath’ he said while kissing your temple.  

'While breaking your promise that you would behave yourself during this week’ you added.

‘He! I promised to be on my best behaviour as long as the guests were here, no tricks. And for once I actually did that, but they left. And I think we can all agree that me behaving leads to very boring events’ he said feigning offence.

‘Can't argue with you there’ you mused and were already daydreaming about all the ways Loki would take you tonight.  

Taglist: @delightfulheartdream @theaudacitytowrite @pescadoavocado @theestorm @taurusbeing​ @justacripple​

Let me know if you want to be added :)

[pumpkinpaix]

mdzs fandom, diaspora, and cultural exchange

Hey everyone. This post contains a statement that’s been posted to my twitter, but was a collaborative effort between several diaspora fans over the last few weeks. Some of the specifics are part of a twitter-localized discourse, but the general sentiments and issues raised are applicable across the board, including here on tumblr.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ve probably seen a few of my posts about this fandom, cultural exchange, and diasporic identity. For example, here, here, and here. This statement more directly criticizes some of the general issues I and others have raised in the past, and also hopefully provides a little more insight into where those issues come from. I would be happy if people took the time to read and reblog this, as the thought that went into it is not trivial, and neither is the subject matter. Thank you.

Introduction

Hello. I'm a member of a Chinese diaspora discord server - I volunteered to try and compile a thread of some thoughts regarding our place and roles in the fandom expressed in some of our recent discussions. This was primarily drafted by me and reviewed/edited by others with the hopes that we can share a cohesive statement on our honest feelings instead of repeatedly sharing multiple, fragmented versions of similar threads in isolation.

This was compiled by one group of diaspora and cannot be taken to represent diaspora as a whole, but we hope that our input can be considered with compassion and understanding of such.

For context, we are referencing two connected instances: the conflict described in these two threads (here and here), and when @/jelenedra tweeted about giving Jewish practices to the Lans. Regarding the latter, we felt that it tread into the territory of cultural erasure, and that it came from a person who had already disrespected diaspora’s work and input.

Context

The Lans have their own religious and cultural practices, rooted both in the cultural history of China and the genre of xianxia. Superimposing a different religious practice onto the Lans amidst other researched, canonical or culturally accurate details felt as if something important of ours was being overwritten for another’s personal satisfaction. Because canon is so intrinsically tied to real cultural, historical, and religious practices, replacing those practices in a canon setting fic feels like erasure. While MDZS is a fantasy novel, the religious practices contained therein are not. This was uncomfortable for many of us, and we wanted to point it out and have it resolved amicably. We were hoping for a discussion or exchange as there are many parallels and points of relation between Chinese and Jewish cultures, but that did not turn out quite as expected.

What happened next felt like a long game of outrage telephone that resulted in a confusion of issues that deflected responsibility, distracted from the origin of the conflict, and swept our concern under the rug.

Specifically, we are concerned about how these two incidents are part of what we feel is a repeated, widespread pattern of the devaluing of Chinese fans’ work and concerns within this fandom. This recent round of discourse is just one of many instances where we have found ourselves in a position of feeling spoken over within a space that is nominally ours. Regardless of what the telephone game was actually about, the way it played out revealed something about how issues are prioritized.

Background

MDZS is one of the first and largest franchises of cmedia that has become popular and easily accessible outside of China. Moreover, it’s a piece of queer Chinese media that is easily accessible to those of us overseas. For many non-Chinese fans, this is the first piece of cmedia they have connected with, and it’s serving as their introduction to a culture previously opaque to them. What perhaps is less obvious is that for many Chinese diaspora fans, this is also the first piece of cmedia THEY have connected with, found community with, seen themselves in.

Many, many of us have a fraught relationship with our heritage, our language—we often suffer from a sense of alienation, both from our families and from our surrounding peers. For our families, our command of the language and culture is often considered superficial, clunky, childish. Often, connecting with our culture is framed as a mandatory academic duty, and such an approach often fosters resentment towards our own heritage. For our non-Chinese peers, our culture is seen as exotic and strange and other, something shiny and interesting to observe, while we, trapped in the middle, find ourselves uprooted and adrift.

MDZS holds an incredibly important place in many diaspora’s hearts. Speaking for myself, this is literally the first time in my life I have felt motivated and excited about my own native tongue. It's the first time I have felt genuine hope that I might one day be able to speak and read it without fear and self-doubt. It is also the first time that so many people have expressed interest in learning from me, in hearing my thoughts and opinions about my culture.

This past year and a half in fandom has been an incredible experience. I know that I am not alone in this. So many diaspora I have spoken to just in the last week have expressed similar sentiments about the place MDZS holds in their lives. It is a precious thing to us, both because we love the story itself, and because it represents a lifeline to a heritage that’s never felt fully ours to grasp.

It’s wonderful to feel like we are able to welcome our friends into our home and show them all these things that have been so formative to our identities, and to be received with such enthusiasm and interest. Introducing this to non-Chinese friends and fans has also been an opportunity to bridge gaps and be humanized in a way that has been especially important in a year where yellow peril fear mongering has been at an all-time high.  

History

However, MDZS’ rise in popularity among non-Chinese audiences has also come with certain difficulties. It is natural to want to take a story you love and make it your own: that’s what transformative fandom is all about. It is also natural that misunderstandings and unintentional missteps might happen when you aren’t familiar with the ins and outs of the culture and political history of the story in question. This is understandable and forgivable—perfection is impossible, even for ourselves.

We hope for consideration and respect when we give our knowledge freely and when we raise the issue of our own discomfort with certain statements or actions regarding our culture. Please remember that what is an isolated incident to you might be a pattern of growing microaggressions to us. In non-Asian spaces, Asian diaspora are often lumped together under one umbrella. In the west, a lot of Chinese diaspora attach themselves to Korean and Japanese media in order to feel some semblance of connection to a media which approximates our cultures because there are cultural similarities. This is the first time we've collectively found community around something that is actually ours, so the specificities matter.

There is a bitterness about being Asian diaspora and a misery in having to put up a united front about racial issues. Enmity towards one group becomes a danger to all of us, all while our own conflicted histories with one another continue to pass trauma down through the generations. Many of us don’t even watch anime in front of our grandparents because of that lingering cultural antipathy. When the distinctions between our cultures are muddled, it feels once again like that very fraught history is flattened and forgotten.

Without the lived experience of it, it’s hard to understand how pervasive the contradictory web of anti-Asian and, more specifically, anti-Chinese racial aggressions are and how insidious its effects are. The conflation of China the political entity (as perceived and presented by the US and Europe) with its people, culture, and diaspora results in an exhausting litany of criticism levied like a bludgeon, often by people who don’t understand the complicated nature of a situation against those of us who do.

There is often a frankly stunning lack of self-awareness re: cultural biases and blind spots when it comes to discussions of MDZS, particularly moral ones. There are countless righteous claims and hot takes on certain aspects of the story, its author, and the characters that are so clearly rooted in a Euroamerican political and moral framework that does not reflect Chinese cultural realities and experiences. Some of these takes have become so widespread they are essentially accepted as fanon.

This is a pattern of behavior within the fandom. It is not limited to any specific group, nor does it even exclude ourselves—we are, after all, not a monolith, and we should not be placed on pedestals to have our differing opinions weaponized against one another in fandom squabbles. We are not flawless in our own understandings and approaches, and we would appreciate it if others would remember this before using any of us as ultimate authorities to settle a personal score.

It is difficult not to be disheartened when enthusiastic interest crosses the line into entitled demand and when transformative work crosses into erasure, especially when the reactions to our raised concerns have so frequently been dismissive and hostile. The overwhelming cultural and emotional labor we bring to the table is often taken advantage of and then criticized in bad faith. We are bombarded with racist aggressions, micro and macro, and then met with ridicule and annoyance when we push back. Worse, we sometimes face accusations of hostility that force us to apologize, back down, and let the matter go.

When we bring up our issues, it usually seems to come with the expectation that there are other issues that should be addressed before we can address ours. It feels like it’s never really the time to talk about Asian issues.

On the internet and in fandom spaces, Western-coded media, politics and perspectives are assumed to be general knowledge and experience that everyone knows and has. It feels like a double standard that we are expected to know the ins and outs of western politics and to engage on these terms, but most non-Chinese have not even the slightest grasp of the sort of politics that are at play within our communities. We end up feeling used for our specialized knowledge and cultural background and then dismissed when our opinions and problems are inconvenient.

As the culture represented in MDZS is not a culture that most non-Chinese fans are familiar with, we’d like to remind you that you do not get to decide which parts of it are or are not important. While sharing this space with Chinese diaspora who have a close connection to the work and the painful history that goes along with being diaspora, we ask that you be mindful of listening to our concerns.

Cultural erasure is tied to a lot of intense historical and generational trauma for us that maybe isn't immediately evident: the horrors of the Pacific theatre, the far-reaching consequences of colonization, racial tensions both among ourselves and with non-Chinese etc. These are not minor or simple things, and when we talk about our issues within fandom, this is often what underlies them. This is one of the first and only places many of us have been able to find community to discuss our unique issues without feeling as if we’re speaking out of turn.

With the HK protests, COVID, the anti-Chinese platforms of the US election etc., anti-Chinese sentiment has been at the forefront of the global news cycle for some time now, and it is with complete sincerity that we emphasize once again how important MDZS fandom has been as a haven for humanizing and valuing Chinese people through cultural exchange.

Experiencing racial aggression within that space stings, not just because it’s a space we love, but because it feels like we’ve been swimming in rapidly rising racial aggression for over a year at this point.

Feelings

This is a difficult topic to broach at the best of times, and these are not the best of times. Many of us have a wariness of rocking the boat instilled in us from our upbringings, and it is not uncommon for us to feel like we should be grateful that people want to engage with something of ours at all. When we do decide to speak up, we’ve learned that there is a not insignificant chance that we’ll be turned on and trampled over because what we’ve said is inconvenient or uncomfortable. When it is already so difficult to speak up, we end up second-guessing and gaslighting ourselves into wondering whether there really was a problem at all.

We’d like to be able to share what we know about our culture and have our knowledge and experience be taken seriously and treated with courtesy. This is a beautiful, rich world built with the history of our ancestors, one that we too are trying to connect with. When we find it in ourselves to speak up about it, we would appreciate being met with consideration instead of hostility.

We don't have the luxury of stepping away from our culture when we get tired of it. We don't get to put it down and walk away when it’s difficult. But if you're not Chinese or Chinese diaspora, you get to put this book down—we'd like to kindly request that you put it down gently because of how much it matters to all of us in this fandom, regardless of heritage.

What we are asking for is reflection and thoughtfulness as we continue to engage with this work and with one another, especially with regards to how Chinese issues are positioned. When we raise issues of our own discomfort, please take a moment to reflect before reacting defensively or trying to shut us down for spoiling the fun—don’t deprioritize our concerns, especially in a fandom for a piece of Chinese media. We promise most of us are not trying to start shit for the sake of a fight. Most of the time, all we want is acknowledgement and a genuine attempt at understanding.

Our hope with this statement is to encourage more openness and understanding between diaspora and non-Chinese fans while we navigate this place that we’re sharing. Please remember that for many of us, MDZS is far more intense than a typical fandom experience. Remember that the knowledge we have and research we do is freely and happily given, and that it costs us both materially and emotionally. Please don’t take that for granted. Remember too that sometimes the reason for our discomfort may not be immediately evident to you: what seems culturally neutral and harmless might touch upon specific loaded issues for us. We ask for patience, and we ask for sincerity as we try to communicate with one another.

We are writing this because there’s a collective sense of imposed silence—that every time the newest round of discourse crops up, we often feel as if we’re walking away having created no meaningful change, and nursing new wounds that we’ll never get to address. But without speaking up about it, this is a cycle that will keep repeating.

This is not meant to shame or guilt the fandom into throwing themselves at our feet, either to thank us or beg for forgiveness—far from that. We’re just your friends and your fellow fans. We are happy to have you here, and we’re happy to create and share and play together. We just ask to be respected and heard.

Thank you. Thank you for listening. Several of us will be stepping back from twitter for a while. We’ll see you when we get back. ❤️

* A final addendum: here are two articles with solid practical advice on writing stories regarding a culture other than your own.

Cultural Appropriation for the Worried Writer: Some Practical Advice

Cultural Appropriation: Some More Practical Advice

The thread on twitter is linked in the source of this post. Thanks everyone.

[signalwatch]

Kevin Conroy Merges With The Infinite

Here at The Signal Watch, we're absolutely heartbroken to hear that actor Kevin Conroy has passed.  

Conroy voiced Bruce Wayne/ Batman across innumerable cartoons, video games and other projects.  For generations of Bat-fans was the definitive portrayal of the character.  

In 1992, when Batman: The Animated Series hit the air, I was a Senior in high school, and - I don't think unreasonably - skeptical of any new Batman cartoons that might appear, believing that they'd be of about GI Joe or Transformer levels in quality of story and art, the same voice actors working from show to show.  I don't think it was snobbery.  I was just now older and stuff aimed at 8 year olds was not in my wheelhouse anymore.

You don't often remember the first time you saw a cartoon, but... boy, do I remember that one.  It was the pilot Man-Bat episode that was an absolute showcase for what they were doing stylistically and technically.  I had not heard of Bruce Timm at the time, but I knew someone had read and understood the comics.  And, look, I am a fan of the Michael Keaton/ Tim Burton Bat-films, but they're their own thing.  They bear almost zero relation to Batman of the comics.  This was the storytelling of the comics, but with a look and feel that borrowed one part from the Anton Furst designs and one part from Dick Tracy and one part from the Fleischer cartoons.  Absolutely gorgeous stuff no one had seen on TV before.

The point is, I don't know what I expected a Batman cartoon to be in 1992, but I remember Batman opening his mouth and a baritone, gravelly voice came out that was somehow exactly how Batman should sound.  Even more incredible, when he removed the cowl and spoke as Bruce Wayne - he had an actual alter-ego.  

And then my girlfriend at the time called and I remember "uh-huh"ing my way through the conversation as I watched this incredible show unspool in front of me.  And given the way shows worked back then, I lost my mind knowing this would be on five days per week.  How?  I do recall trying to explain what was happening on TV to my ladyfriend, and her saying "Ok, cool.  Anyway..."  You will note, that romance was not to last.

This was 1992, so social media didn't exist.  If BBS's covered it, I didn't know because my family hadn't had a computer since the Apple IIe was boosted in the infamous break-in in Spring of 1991.  

So, by myself I watched this show somewhat religiously. I didn't have friends into this stuff, so it took a visit by my brother from college before I could do the "LOOK.  LOOOOOOOOOK!!!" thing I wanted to do so badly.

My first year at the University of Texas, I found myself reunited with JAL (he of the podcast), a pal from my days growing up in Austin (I moved to Houston in 1990) and I think we'd been hanging out for maybe an hour when JAL said "you know the guy who plays Batman looks just like Scott Summers" (that's X-Men's Cyclops to you and me).  It was maybe 2-3 years before I saw a picture of Kevin Conroy, and, wow, was JAL right.

Kevin Conroy brought gravitas and drama to Batman.  While I understood the wild-eyed danger of Michael Keaton (who I think showed his true menace perfectly in the Spider-movies), he was not Batman as I understood him to be from multiple comics per month that I'd read for a few years now.  Nor were two 2-hour movies the same as 30 minutes, 5 days per week.  Timm's design, Dini's story aesthetic - all fantastic.  But it was in making Batman rumble through your TV's tinny speakers that Conroy brought the myth of a Batman to life.  

This was a voice that would send shivers up the spines of criminals, but Conroy also humanized it when it was right to do so.  He was genuinely acting, not reading off lines on a page.  In part, you can thank the always amazing Andrea Romano for working with the showrunners to find that sweet spot that went from that first episode of Batman to the final scenes of JLU.  And in the years to come, when Conroy would step back in front of the mic, he was both a reminder of the greatness of the era and a pointer to what WB could have done better in every project after Romano retired.  

By the early 00's, Conroy was appearing in DVD extras and then online, and at Cons.  His fans got to know who he was, and he did not disappoint.  While a mere mortal of good humor, he very much understood what it meant to be the voice of Batman to multiple generations of fans, and he never took it lightly or seemed to think it was silly or just a job.  He got what people looked for and heard in his performance.  

It was a nuanced performance over the years, including the surprisingly resonant Batman: Mask of the Phantasm to Batman sitting with Ace as she blinked out in that one episode of JLU.  No matter what the edgelords would think a *real* Batman was like - we'd know.  Conroy had brought it to life.

During the CW's daring Crisis on Infinite Earths riff, he actually did play Bruce Wayne, so the role was not limited to animation.

In those interviews, etc...  I genuinely liked the guy.  He seemed like the kind of person you'd want to include in your "you can have dinner with any six people" kind of conversation.  But, mostly, I don't think you can measure how much Conroy helped push Batman and superheroes from a novelty when it wasn't a campy disaster or mediocrity for undiscriminating kids to set the stage for everything that would come after - from video games to the MCU.  I'm not sure you get the recent Batman film without Conroy's Batman carrying Batman for decades and people growing up believing that taking Batman seriously is a normal thing to do.

I'm absolutely stunned at Conroy's passing.  He was only 66.  I'd heard nothing of illness, just what he might be up to next.  Like Chadwick Boseman passing, it's catching me totally by surprise.  

What I can say is that Bat-fans and comic folk are a bit like baseball fans.  Many consider Conroy the ideal version of Batman - myself included - and like a good baseball fan, we'll pass down the names of the greats for a hundred years.  And the good news is, there's so much of a record of that performance.  We'll be able to return to it again and again, and it will guide performers for generations.  

https://ift.tt/DOvEXL7

[suganovakawa]

do you happen to take requests? if so, may i- hcs abt playing and simping on genshin impact with kenma, kuroo, oikawa and bokuto-? you can lessen the cast if you want^^ thank you for the time! i love your blog 💖

GENSHIN IMPACT HERE I COME

genshin impact frenzy!

— kenma, kuroo, oikawa, and bokuto play genshin impact with you!

gen masterlist

taglist ( open! ) —

a/n — this game has taken literally so much of my time, it was only meant to be that i fulfill this request—also bokuto’s has minor spoilers to venti’s story quest! it’s pretty vague but it’s still there

kenma kozume.

✧｡ this guy can take on literally everyone with just the standard team

✧｡ and he does—he sees no point in wishing for people when he’s already got a decent team given to him for free

✧｡ you’ve literally fought with him so many times because he forgets that wishing is a thing and finds it strange that you are willing to spend your life savings on a single five star character

✧｡ he will only wish on the standard banner, since that’s where you can get constellations for the standard team

✧｡ somehow he’s collected so many constellations for kaeya and amber, it’s unreal

✧｡ you’ve debated on sending a complaint to mihoyo because kenma can’t send any of his primogems to you

✧｡ he’s currently AR 50 and still has the beginner’s banner untouched aside from noelle

✧｡ “kenma, would it kill you to wish on a banner once? just one ten wish summon. one time.”

✧｡ “but i already have my team up to level 90, why should i put in the effort to grind for anything else?”

✧｡ “because the other characters look nice?”

✧｡ “okay, and?”

✧｡ there’s no winning against him

✧｡ you ain’t ever catching him simp

✧｡ you almost caught him eyeing kaeya’s new idle animation but to no avail </3

✧｡ timeskip kenma streams on twitch, where even some of his viewers are completely distraught that he never wishes on the banners

✧｡ on multiple occasions he’s held events where he gives you money for primogems, and just streams you wishing for the characters instead of him

✧｡ he’d never admit it out loud, but his heart flutters when he sees the excited look on your face as you pull a five star character

tetsurou kuroo.

✧｡ for shits and giggles he probably decided to choose lumine instead of aether

✧｡ when he realized that he liked aether’s design more than hers, he just stopped using her entirely

✧｡ if he hadn’t gotten all the way to AR 30 before this realization, he probably would’ve started over with a new account just to choose aether instead

✧｡ he doesn’t play this game religiously, but he is far from a f2p guy

✧｡ will shamelessly simp with you if he deems the character simp worthy—if not he’ll just watch you simp and then simp over his own characters

✧｡ he almost lost his mind over albedo and had a heart attack when he ended up pulling a weapon instead

✧｡ don’t even get me started when he laid eyes on ganyu

✧｡ if you can’t get a five star character you want, he’ll purposely spend money so that he gets them before you and rub it in your face

✧｡ that’s what he did for zhongli

✧｡ “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GOT ZHONGLI?”

✧｡ “i mean, he’s right here. look! isn’t he so sexy? he would be a great addition to my team. you enjoy having jean though! i’ve heard she’s a great healer.”

✧｡ “tetsurou, i am going to murder you.”

✧｡ “no you won’t.”

✧｡ “i won’t. i just won’t help you with domains anymore.”

✧｡ “okay okay wait this can be discussed—”

✧｡ he hates grinding and will continuously hold if off until he physically can’t defeat any of the ascension material bosses

✧｡ however, he completes ascension quests the moment he can—it’s just his luck that he has to deal with the consequences when he has to deal with mobs with his severely under leveled team

✧｡ both of you raced to get to AR 40 first, and you won since you were actually smart enough to level up your characters long before he did

✧｡ you two like completing domains together rather than doing it online or alone

✧｡ genshin is more of a leisure pastime for kuroo, but he finds himself playing it more and more with each passing day

tooru oikawa.

✧｡ surprisingly? he’s much better at genshin than what you were originally expecting

✧｡ it’s probably because he has enough patience to grind for all of the materials SDJKFJKSDF

✧｡ but because he prioritizes volleyball a lot more, he’s only at AR 36 while you’re on your way to AR 47

✧｡ he takes it upon himself to compare himself to childe, and you just have to go with it because tooru will not take no for an answer

✧｡ just to spite you he goes around saying “hey girlie” every now and then

✧｡ he’ll come up behind you quietly and whisper in your ear, causing you to jump at the sound of his voice

✧｡ “hey girlie, hold still.”

✧｡ “TOORU COULD YOU NOT—”

✧｡ “c’mon, you know you you like it.”

✧｡ “maybe if you dressed up into childe’s foul legacy transformation, i would be persuaded.”

✧｡ “SAY NO MORE”

✧｡ simps for both mona and diluc lowk

✧｡ i just know he purposely chooses the suggestive and flirty choices every chance he gets

✧｡ he had a field day with ying’er (that perfume lady idk)

✧｡ he hates spiral abyss with every fiber of his being and refuses to do anything more after he got xiangling

✧｡ he likes flaunting his five stars to random people he plays with in domains just for the fun of it

✧｡ his favorites to flaunt are childe and xiao (he was originally wanting ganyu but her banner expired before he could pull her so he just wasted the rest of his pity and got xiao instead)

✧｡ idk why but i get the sense that he’s eagerly waiting for an announcement that scaramouche will be a playable character

✧｡ he will give you money for genshin if you ask nicely

✧｡ if you ask nicely and you give him something in return

✧｡ but all in all, he does genuinely enjoy the game

koutarou bokuto.

✧｡ kou will either forget to play it for months or you’ll have to pry it from his hands after being locked away in his room for at least a week

✧｡ his favorite five star to use would probably be klee, just because of all the explosions she sets off

✧｡ definitely simps for ningguang and albedo, but will see to it that he proves himself better than any of the guys you simp for

✧｡ he loves using fischl so that he can use oz

✧｡ he doesn’t take the game very seriously but still manages to reach AR 40, even though he has no idea how builds work

✧｡ he has no desire to learn either, he’s just enjoying himself and exploring the world

✧｡ he gets carried away with exploring the world that he found both all of the anemoculus and the geoculus before AR 40

✧｡ goes into emo mode when he doesn’t pull the character he wants

✧｡ the story quests make him sad when he does them, especially venti’s

✧｡ he regretted not having venti after he finished that story quest and just watched the story with venti and his old friend over and over again to mourn

✧｡ and he checks up on stanley every time he sees him anywhere, usually in front of mondstadt at night

✧｡ “i promise you that i will never leave you or let any harm come to you, y/n”

✧｡ “kou, that’s sweet of you—”

✧｡ “i mean it! i would rather die than put you in harm’s way”

✧｡ you have to comfort him repeatedly and eventually gets over it

✧｡ but now he’s saving up for venti’s rerun and has not been deterred or tempted for anyone else, mans is almost at 10k primogems for this guy

✧｡ mihoyo pls give bokuto a venti rerun

✧｡ it’s safe to say that venti slowly becomes bokuto’s favorite character

✧｡ you should watch out before kou becomes too emotionally attached to every character

[mack3030]

Types of Paywall Abuse --- A post...

I think it’s time to tackle a topic that might make a few simmers uncomfortable, but we need to talk about it, because in addition to seeing a lot of people complain about it in general, I’ve also been getting some anons in my inbox talking about it. So let’s discuss this. 

Now, first of all, I would like to clarify a couple of things: 

When I speak of PAYWALLS here, I am talking about custom content that can ONLY be accessed by paying, or viewing an ad through a virus filled ad shortener link (which is just as bad).  Pure early access content, where you pay for it and get it earlier than everyone else who gets it for free IS NOT PAYWALLED CONTENT. 

This is why it is called a pay “WALL” because the wall portion indicates that you cannot access it without paying a fee/toll. 

Second of all, I would like to remind the public at large that this is not hate, it is a critical commentary. I am not going to go for these creators personally, nor do I want to. I, as a member of the community who plays the sims 4, and downloads/uses CC, would like to simply hold some of these creators accountable for actions that are unethical and unsatisfactory to the community in which they serve. That is it. No more, no less. I simply believe they CAN do better and BE better than this. 

Now, let’s get into the meat of this. 

The main type of abuse that I have focused on has been what I call Permapaywalls. 

Permapaywalls:

Content that cannot be accessed ANY other way than either paying a certain amount via patreon or another service, OR viewing a link through a virus-filled ad that puts your computer at risk. 

There are many creators who are well known permapaywall creators, with at least 80% or more of their content being locked behind these permapaywalls. Sometimes they may release a few items for free, but this is very similar to being allowed to test drive a car before buying it. It’s to entice the user/viewer into liking the brand, and then buying in.

I’m not going to delve into this too much because I’ve already expounded on this topic a bit. So let’s go further. 

The next type of abuse is what I like to call “Exclusive Loopholes”. 

Exclusive Loopholes: Creators who try to “get around” EA’s early access policy by offering a majority of their content as early access, but holding back certain items only to those who “subscribe” to their “patreon exclusive” content. 

There are some who are okay with this, thinking of this as a neat “bonus” for those who subscribe and support. However, the sims team made it clear: 

Folks who have a Patreon page are welcome to provide folks with "early access" incentives for their content but it should be made available to the general public within 2-3 weeks of it being given to folks early.

- Simguru Drake, The Sims Forum

Notice nowhere in this answer does it say anything about BONUS CC incentives. Nowhere. This is just a method that certain creators try to use to keep people from decrying them as “big bad paywall creators”. This way they can say “oh look, we do early access, we’re following EA’s rules~!” while still holding content hostage. 

If you want to offer your patreons some exclusives, here’s some ideas:  * Share pictures of your process, or work in progress content coming up.  * Allow them to have input into your process via polls and questions.  * Have an exclusive discord community just for your patreons where they can talk to you easier and share excitement and input about your content with you and each other.  * Have exclusive streams where only you and your patreons have the link to see you go live making content.  * Host a workshop on how to make CC using your process. (I see all of you who steal meshes from other sites sweating over this. ;D)  * Pause billing for a month and say “you know what, since you guys have been loyal and supported me, have a month of patreon on me!”  * Anything that honestly doesn’t involve only giving those patreons CC and not releasing it to the public. 

Let’s talk about another type, and oh my lanta, this type has had some anons messaging me ALL up in arms. I like to call this type “The Donation Disaster”.

Donation Disaster: Someone who CONSTANTLY uses the “downs” in the up/downs of life as excuses to not release content on time, or delay it while still collecting payment from patreons. Bonus “you’re a jerk” points if they then try to use those misfortunate circumstances to beg for even more money from their patreons on multiple occasions. 

Look, we all have junk that goes on in our lives. But when that junk is used as an excuse for you continually delaying content while still charging your patreons (and not using the pause feature), it makes them feel cheated.  In addition, when you then ask for donations to help you during your difficult time, and turn to your patreons instead of the support networks that are around you (ex: friends, family, religious communities, etc.), that can be VERY off-putting. You might be able to get away with it once, maybe twice, without a large chunk of your community turning against you. But the more regular it becomes, and the more they hear about how strapped for cash you are and how you’re asking them to give more than their pledge, and you’ll soon find yourself being called a scammer. Regardless of your intent, or if your problems are reality, you’ll find people’s empathy for your situation will be lacking.

I’ve had a few anons in my inbox talking about different patreon creators that always seem to have an excuse for why updates aren’t coming just yet, or why x is broken, and with their excuse comes a plea for help with bills, and a link to a paypal or venmo. 

Everyone has junk, don’t get me wrong. And it sucks to go through the junk we have in life, but if you’re reaching out to random people on the internet as your first method of support, you might need to be looking someplace else for support first before you come to the people who are already paying you for content you make. A one time “hey I’m in a bind, I need some help” donation thing might not be a bad thing, but when it becomes a constant pattern on your patreon....people aren’t going to take it well...at all. 

And last, but not least, I’d like to talk about the last kind of patreon abuse, which frankly, is really upsetting to me. I don’t even really have a name for it, because it’s literally so much of a “what?” thing in my head. I don’t even understand why it goes on.  Now, this practice involves the black/POC community, and frankly, as a white girl, I don’t feel I should be speaking over the community and what they have to say. Thankfully @xmiramira​ spoke on it, all the way back in 2019. Here’s an excerpt from her fantastic POST:

Even new creators who JUST joined the community sliding up in TBS with locs and braids talking about Patreon only. GTFOH. I’m not okay with creators doing Patreon only CC PERIOD, but my main discussion is focused on NON BLACK simmers making CC catered to US, and making it PATREON EXCLUSIVE IN AN ATTEMPT TO FORCE US TO PLEDGE, and how people are ASSUMING that I’m OKAY WITH THIS, and ASSUMING that I’m letting it FLY in my community. Just because I don’t go off about shit as frequent as I used to doesn’t mean I cannot see and I am not doing what I can to keep the fuckery OUT.“Oh but your friend has a Patreon” I don’t have an issue with what @ebonixsims is doing because it’s all early release. It gets released to the public a few weeks later. It’s not being kept behind Patreon, forcing people to pledge to her. Despite this, she’s still doing really good with it. So don’t get it twisted, I’m not on social media arguing with folks so people just assumed I’m okay with this shit, I’m really not. I’m actually two seconds off dropping Patreon share folders. (That also have my shit in it) Supporting people is one thing, but a lot of these motherfuckers are becoming extremely exploitive, and it’s aggravating. It’s like you goofy motherfuckers sit in DMs like “yeah let’s make some CC for the negros and put it on Patreon” Fuck outta here. And it’s not even just hair, it’s skins and even CLOTHING STYLES. Y’all are really wilding the hell out. African necklaces, black girl magic chains, Juicy Couture sweatsuits. Who the fuck do you think you’re fooling? IM TIRED! Next time someone asks me where I got something and it’s Patreon exclusive I’m dropping a SFS link. FUCK OUTTA HERE!

Here’s the deal. The black community has been fighting for a while to be able to feel represented in this game. Here’s two articles (ONE, TWO) talking about this issue.  But the thing that has me upset is the fact that SO many creators of content that is AIMED at Black/POC simmers are locking that content (or a good majority of it) behind paywalls. And what’s even more shameful is some of those creators are POC themselves! They understand what it’s like to feel that they cannot make themselves or have sims that look like them in this game, yet they still lock their content away and expect people not just in the SIMS community, but in the POC community to pay through the nose for it.  The fact that this is STILL going on, two freaking years after she made this post, and that both NON POC creators and POC creators are engaging in this behavior is honestly disappointing and shameful. I believe black/POC creators should be supported, BUT they should be supported without depriving their OWN community of representation and access. And frankly, if you’re a NON POC creator and you’re specifically targeting this group to make money off of them with paywalls, I have only one thing to say to you:

I’d speak on it more, but frankly, I’d rather let the people who are actually in the black/POC community speak on it, so if any of you want to let loose in the comments about this problem, go wild. I’m happy to sit back and listen, and I suggest others do the same.

[intothewickedwood]

Once Upon A Time Rewatch: 6x19 The Black Fairy

Peter Pan! So weird to think they were married but I mean they’re both kinda obsessed with collecting children that aren’t their son which is a weird coincidence.

Aww baby Rumple!

Malcolm looks so happy to have a baby. It seems it was the loss of Fiona that made him resent Rumple. Perhaps he could have been a father with her support but he just couldn’t handle being a single father. 

I wish we got to know more about fairy lore

Rumple was born in winter. He’s totally a Capricorn!

Aren’t Saviors meant to save realms from dark curses? But the dark curse wasn’t created yet. Maybe they retconned it and they’re just meant to save people.

That dragon egg is awfully convenient. What happened to the characters going on quests to find things like this? It’s too easy to wake Blue up.

Snow straight up strangling the Blue Fairy. I know it’s not her but I think Snow deserves that opportunity. 

Quick thinking Rumple with that cuff! 

Why does Emma have to have sleepy time too?

Is the shack Rumple was born in the same place he and Milah lived in? Probably not.

Yep. Really shouldn’t have given her that book of prophecies. What did they expect? Fiona to be overjoyed her son would die at the hands of a great evil?

Wait. It’s not possible for someone to turn themselves into a fairy? There must be something about Fiona. There’s something about that family, I swear. It seems they were all destined for great power and great evil.

Regina teaching Zelena to drive is the best thing ever but she totally could have escaped with Henry on her broom if things went wrong. If people in New York saw her and Henry flying high defying gravity they’d just think it was promo for Broadway’s Wicked.

Lmao! Omg Zelena! This scene is glorious!

Oh yeah, baby Robin could fit on the broom too. They’d make it work!

Regina: “I trust him to raise you.” Lol. So true but now I need all the fics with Henry raising his little cousin and Auntie in New York. 

The Black Fairy is so freaking creepy singing a lullaby to Blue.

The hatred emanating from the Black Fairy for Blue gives me shivers. 

And then she’s like “I’m so happy we get a chance to play,” and sits down like a child. Chills, I tell you! Like, Blue has completely destroyed who she used to be.

What was she going to do to the child if she’d found one with the crescent mark? 

Aww. Rumple breaking down and saying “I would do anything for you, son.” This man freaking loves his children. 

How did they end up in Rumple’s dream when Gideon was the first to be sprinkled with the night night sand?

Hook: “How do we know you are actually you.” Regina: “Because it’s me!” Sounds legit.

Aww, Hook just called Regina “love”. Are they getting along again, now? I saw a meta the other day that noted how Regina only started to dislike Hook when he got serious with Emma and I’m pretty sure that’s true. Interesting!

I wanted to see a proper witch fight dammit! For a show with so many sorcerers, we deserved more magical duels.

But omg Zelena suddenly running the Black Fairy over and her flipping over the car is the best thing in existence! 

Aww the sisters’ little smiles to each other. 

The sacred vault of the fairies? Are they, like, religious? 

This poor woman. I feel so sorry for her. She’s just desperately and feverishly trying to protect her baby. What did they expect from her? Most mothers would go to those lengths if they were told their child would suffer such a horrible fate. That would bring anyone to the end of their tether.

Omg wtf. “He’s destined to die so that other children may live.” That is a beyond cruel thing to say to the face of a mother. What the hell? Omg the pain on Fiona’s face. No child should be sacrificed for another. How heartless of the fairies.

So did Emma replace Rumple as the EF’s Savior or can their be multiple Saviors? 

Agggh this is so horrific. Poor Fiona finding out she is destined to kill her own child. She’s devastated. 

Oh, did she get the crescent scar when she was disarmed? 

Oh cool, the Black Fairy can project memories! That’s quite a unique power.

Blue could have saved a lot of people by remotely teleporting their hearts into her hands from the EQ’s or Cora’s and yet she didn’t.

She has a point. Even if she severed her destiny so she wouldn’t be the one to kill him, he could still be in danger from some other threat.

Blue, what the hell! Summoning a portal was absolutely uncalled for. What because she dared to upset you as you were so desperate for him to become the Savior for some reason? Probably part of her long-game evil plan. So what if he didn’t become a Savior?! Blue’s going on like that was the worst crime. She was just trying to protect him and you separated a doting mother who was no longer a danger to him from her child! You had no right! She is so self-righteous, I swear to god. It’s nothing to do with her. Who does she think she is?! Blue has ruined so many lives and gotten away with it because she believes she’s all high and mighty. She’s just as much of a villain as any other on this show. It makes me so mad. Poor Fiona. No wonder she hates Blue. 

Fiona: “I promise you son, I will spend every moment of every day trying to find my way back to you!”

I think she let Rumple hate her because it was too painful and she didn’t think she deserved his love. 

There are a lot of parallels between Rumple and his mother’s stories. They are much alike. 

Malcolm genuinely loved Fiona. He said she was the love of his life. Gosh I needed backstory with those two! After her he felt the only way he could be happy again was to return to childhood and Neverland so he didn’t have to think about Fiona. It was too painful. Easier to pretend he’d never loved. 

Malcolm must have lied to Rumple and told him his mother had abandoned him.

The fairies imply Fiona is dead to cover their own asses. They won’t say they banished her because they damn well know he’d fight them to get the love of his life back.

Lol. Sorry but calling your child Rumplestiltskin just to spite him is hilarious. What does it mean? Oh! It means “Little Rattle Stilt.” I mean it could have been worse it could have been “Little Sh*thead.” 

Also the Fairies hearing him blame the baby for his wife’s death should have rung alarm bells. They should have put him in a home where he’d be loved and cared for. Nope, just leave him with this guy who hates him.

Eww. They put a heart on the dinner table.

Giddy Up’s got his heart back! Yehaaaw!

“A seafaring man does not take superstitions likely.” So he is superstitious! He allowed a woman on his ship for years so maybe superstitions are different in the EF.

Oh my God, next week’s the musical episode!!!! I can’t wait!!!!

[and-then-the-trash]

Judaism and Animal Crossing

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE JEWISH TO READ THIS, IN FACT, PLEASE READ REGARDLESS OF WHETHER YOU’RE JEWISH OR NOT

i’m going somewhere with this i swear

actually probably multiple places because i’m ADHD and don’t often stay on just one thought but like,,,bear with me here

OK SO i am Jewish, ya know? like, i was raised in a conservative Jewish household, my mom and dad both come from Jewish families, i attended religious school at my synagogue twice a week in K-7th grade, i had a Bat Mitzvah, i went through confirmation class (though still haven’t technically been confirmed because of covid), i participate in Jewish youth group events and activities and even hold leadership positions in both my chapter and my region. most importantly, i believe in many of the stories and traditions of Judaism and consider these aspects of my life to be very important to me. i am a Jew.

i care about representation. i feel a bit left out during this time of year when i go out to a shopping center or really just anywhere in public, and i see Christmas wreaths and decorations and lights on every streetlamp, every building, every store. last night, my family went to help light the electric menorah that stands on the lawn of our local courthouse, and i commented on how there was a large Christmas tree, a scene of cardboard cutouts depicting the birth of Jesus, wreathes all around on the fence and gate surrounding the courthouse, and a Santa decoration standing right next to the menorah that was as large as the simple electric menorah that stood overshadowed by what was around it. Chanukah lasts for 8 nights. Christmas is one day, but it lasts for over a month. 

this is going somewhere i swear. i’m gonna get to Animal Crossing.

the abundance of Christmas decorations and media and representation doesn’t surprise me; it never has. i expect it. expecting it doesn’t mean i’m not still disappointed when someone puts out a single tiny menorah next to a large Christmas tree and thinks that that’s representation. 

i like to play Animal Crossing, specifically Animal Crossing New Horizons, though i did use to play New Leaf back when i had a DS. i like to participate in the festive days and celebrations and events in Animal Crossing. i participated in the festivities of Bunny Day earlier this year, though i’m still not really sure why, and that’s part of what this whole rant is about. Animal Crossing calls December 25th Toy Day, and leading up to it there are wreathes and festive decorations and announcements and twinkling lights. today, as i was playing, one of my islanders gifted me a Festive Wreathe and told me that they thought “everyone should have one of these during this season”. 

i am a Jew. i celebrate Chanukah with my family every year. we light a menorah every night and we play dreidel and we fry latkes and we exchange presents. on Christmas, we do what many Jews in America do and we go to the movies and eat American Chinese food, sometimes even driving a few hours out to get kosher Chinese food so that i can eat something other than vegetarian lo mein, since i’m the only one in my family that still keeps kosher. i am saddened by the fact that i have yet to see any kind of Chanukah-like decoration or festivities in Animal Crossing. the holiday means Festival of Lights, something that i think would be a great name for a celebration in the Animal Crossing world!

so after all of this, can someone tell me why it is that i still want to display this festive wreathe that my islander gave me? why i bought a festive tree and fireplace back on my old copy of Animal Crossing New Leaf years ago? why i want to shake the pine trees that are draped in colored, twinkling lights, and find ornaments and craft the ornament wreathe DIY that Isabelle sent me?

i take pride in my Judaism. i tell others who are interested about my culture and my religion and what i know about the history and stories of my people, and i answer the questions they ask, and the ones i don’t know the answers to i ask my rabbi or my uncle who is also a rabbi. i share my traditions with others, inviting non-Jewish friends to come eat in my Sukkah during Sukkot, and play dreidel with me during Chanukah, and join my family’s seder during Pesach. i talk all the time about how much i want to be seen and represented and not be constantly overshadowed by Christianity. and i know that my religion is FAR from the only one to be overshadowed in this way. i know that Chanukah gets more attention than many other holidays and festivities of other religions, and Judaism gets more representation in the media than many other religions. 

so why do i still want to participate in this same thing that i complain about once it’s brought into one of my favorite video games. am i becoming part of the same problem that i so badly wished could be fixed here in America? am i being brainwashed into thinking that as long as it “isn’t too religious” it should be fine, even though i know that it’s a tradition that stems from a specific religious holiday that isn’t mine? why do i want to participate while also wishing there was a menorah shining through the window of my ACNH house? 

i know this is long and anyone who might’ve started it probably stopped reading by now, but if you made it to the end and might have answers as to why i want to participate in the game’s festivities and whether that’s okay or makes me part of the problem, please comment or reblog and tell me because i legitimately want to know. if you don’t have answers but think someone else might, please ask them or reblog or do SOMETHING because this is eating away inside of me. 

i don’t want to abandon my beliefs and values because of a game, and i don’t want to feel like an event in a game is making me abandon those beliefs and values. i just want to be seen.

[mystech-master]

F/GO High School/Modern AU BS

Me and @rex101111 have been talking about a modern/HS AU ft. as many Chaldean servants as possible. Here are the ideas we came up with (I am pretty much cut and pasting our message convo, so this is a mixture of both me and Rex's ideas):

Gil is the douchbag Senior everyone hates but his dad owns the school or whatever so he can do whatever he wants. The only decent person who willingly hangs out with him is his childhood friend Enkidu who's hoping he can un-douch his bro. He has kid Gil as his little brother and Caster Gil as his older bro who both agree that he sucks (Gil is the loser middle child of the family), Caster Gil wonders what Enkidu sees in his shit head brother. "He's too good for you." "Blow it out your ass." "One day he's going to wise up, see how much of a shit you are, and when you're all alone don't come crying to me." Caster Gil is in college studying political science, Kid Gil goes to a fancy boarding school. Archer Gil goofs off and throws parties

Scathach is a swimming class teacher, mainly b/c I recall underwater training being a part of Cu's regiment under her tutelage. People were jealous of the Cus for like two seconds when they find out the swim teacher is their mom, then they see her having them do an extra twenty laps and ignoring when OG Cu starts floating in the water. "CU DIED!" "YOU'RE NOT HUMAN!" while Scathach is like "you have two seconds to stop playing around before I ACTUALLY drown you" and he's back to doing laps.

Yeah with 4-5 Cus (if you count Setanta from Arcade) that is like 5 brothers.

Nightingale as school nurse, she is friends with Asclepius who works at a hospital associated with the school (strictly professional, but the students think otherwise).

Side note, keep in mind you can have multiple servants be the same type of teacher, just for different classes/grades.

King Hassan is the old Religious History teacher. Every one thinks he's older then the rock is the school is made out of. He has a scary face and a scarier voice but most students consider him the most fair and patient teacher in the whole school. He always gets a lot of food gifts before Ramadan form the students. (A few students, such as the Guda twins and Mash, call him gramps.) The other Hassans are his grandkids, like actual grandkids. He's super strict with them because he expects a lot from them. He always praises them when they do well though. He made sure they ALL got into his class and they've been living in fear ever since. They love their grandpa but by Allah they know not to disappoint him. The only one to ever get out of anything is kid Hassan (one of the hundred face). Cursed Arm is oldest, then Asako (the main hundred face), then Serenity.

"I am very disappointed in ALL of you, have you all lost your heads? I swear I-*to kid Hassan*-ah no Habibi not you you're fine here have a candy-*back to the rest*-I KNOW you're better than this!"

VERY traditional guy, Cursed Arm mutters "Oh for God's sake" while doing a pop quiz and King Hassan looms over him and growls, "No Blaspheming In This Class Room"

For the various Artoria/Arturias, I imagined Lancer and Lancer Alter being sisters, so Saber Alter is a cousin. That leaves everyone else to just be sisters with one brother. Mother Lartoria owns a casino and gas her own yacht in reference to the summer event where she became a Ruler. If you want MHX could be a part of the family as a massive fucking Star Wars nerd. MHXX and MHX Alter are her mom and sister (so MHXX is a third sister for the two Lancer Artorias)

For Irisviel, I remember in one of the Nero Fest things that she was called Therapist Iri. Maybe she starts to get into that b/c she wants to help her adoptive son Shirou (instead of a big fire like in Zero it can be an orphanage fire thing, similar situation but a much smaller scale) , so she is the school therapist/psychiatrist. Like Maruki in P5 Royal.

Iskandar died in his 30s, Waver is around his 30s as Lord El Melloi II. The two are old college friends who still hang out and Alexander is Iskandar’s kid.

If you guys want you can see this as the two being gay dads since I know that ship is popular.

Fran had an abusive father before Babbage and Moriarty got involved. In the og story, Frankenstien has a scientific mindset like his creator, here Fran has a talent in the field, but she also hates it b/c it reminds her of him. Like imagine being talented at the thing your abusive parent was good at/known for. Moriarty tried to get it into her that SHE'S the one with the talent, not her college dropout bum of a father, "From you tell me of him Victor couldn't engineer his way out of an argument with a cat, you have a magnificent mind my dear, not letting it flourish to spite him would be a horrible waste...it's your talent, your skill. Not his." He smiles that smile she loves that scares every one but she knows he only smiles like that when he is absolutely convinced of something, "and you can out perform him without breaking a sweat."

Moriarty teaches Fran sign language while Babbage teaches her some engineering.

Jekyll is going for a major in medicine with a minor in law (in the actual irl story Dr. Jekyll was a doctor in medicine and law).

For science associated servants, you got da Vinci, Babbage, Edison, and Tesla as possible science teachers.

The Jeanne sisters. Without the Avenger BS, the reason Jalter (or Joan as one series of fics calls her) could hate her here is just inferiority complex and being compared to her perfect saint big sister all her life. Joan does have her talents, based on the summer event an, but again she doesn't acknowledge her own talent b/c of her always being compared to her older sister., in the 7 counterfeit events she is a really good artist. And it is the typical thing of Jeanne actually being scared out of her wits of being less than perfect because of all the expectations thrust on her. She gets one A- and runs to the bathroom crying and Joan has to swallow her pride and actually have a conversation with her sister for the first time in years. Jeanne Alter lily puts up Christmas decorations super early, much to Jeanne Alter/Joan's displeasure.

"IT JUST TURNED NOVEMBER CHILL TF OUT!"

"CHRISTMAS!"

Martha is Jeanne's BF since middle school and has this HUGE dog that scares everyone and growls at anyone expect Martha and Jeanne. She calls him Terry.

Rex loves Penthesilea. and we talked at length about the situation between her and Achilles. Can you not tell that he likes a woman who can kick his ass *gestures to all of his Baiken posts*

Rex's idea: I think they had a fight when they were little and Achilles, being a little shit back then, made fun of her for being a girl, and Penth has been sore about it ever since. She keeps running into big misogynistic meatheads that reminded her of that and she just got angrier over the years. She's a wrestler and can knock out just about every dude in school by herself. Achilles is very regretful about back then and wants to apologize but Penth ain't having any of it.

My idea: I thought they were on opposing HS sports teams and when Achilles handed her ass to her he forgot to drink his respect women juice and then Penth got all pissed.

In this AU, Penth and Hippolyta's dad was a general who taught them how to kick the ass of men twice their size since they were seven or something.

Penth surprises everyone when a festival comes up and she gets picked to be the one to organize everything...and does a spectacular job. Another surprise is that she plans on being a business major when she goes to college (Obligatory Amazoness CEO jokes)

Bedivere is the Arturia Pendragon family butler with a prosthetic arm. He's also the security guard, last guy that tried to steal something or cause trouble got slapped right out of the window he sneaked in from.

Francis Drake and Artoria Alter Lancer are work friends (referencing them both being associated with the Wild Hunt in F/GO's lore).

Beni-Enma is the short and shorter tempered lunch lady, last kid who mouthed off at her during lunch got smacked upside the head with her spoon. She's sweet, but if you're in detention and have to help her in the kitchen she's a mini Gorden Ramsey, "IT'S RAW DECHI!!!" She can also come into the home EC class where Shirou is her best student. Also her roasting of the other girls like in her quest. Getting Fs in Beni's class is the worst, because it isn't just an F, it's a meticulous dressing down of exactly why letting into a kitchen should be considered a war crime, dechi.

The three Avenger Nobus are three different people. 1st Ascension is basically Archer Nobu, then you got Oda Kipposhi, and then the mom is Ascension 3 with Demon King Nobunaga. The youngest Ascension 1 Nobu is a musician. Demon King Nobu is one of those "super scary but also super polite people that only makes them scarier" type, basically a female koei Nobunaga from samurai warriors (check out some cutscenes form the games with him, he's a treat).

Imagine Demon King Nobu mom in a business suit.

Suzuka Gozen and Sei Shonagon are the textaholics who always talk in slang to the point of it sounding like they speak a different language. Murasaki is the librarian but Sei is like that ONE student who just makes her job so much harder.

Every week it's "No phones in the library Miss Shonagon." while Sei rolls her eyes and types out twitter post like "fugly ol librarian at my school needs a life lol"

Oui Katsushika is a gifted art student, and her dad (not a floating little octopus), is just a normal dude with a squid/octopus like beard. She's the teacher's pet in De Vinci's art class.

Eresh and Ishtar come from a rich family, Ereshkigal is the older sister so she had a shit load of responsibility to take over the family business while Ishtar basically gets to party her life away. Rin is the cousin they each try and swing their way. Eresh wants Rin to keep up her studies and get into a good university, Ishtar wants Rin to loosen the fuck up and admit that she likes that scrawny Emiya kid already.

BB is the host of a talk show downtown so she is kind of an absentee mom. Meltryllis has prosthetic legs that she specifically asked to be made into stilts b/c she wanted to be taller, and Passonlip has a massive rack that makes life difficult (either people staring, people assuming she's gonna be a home wrecker b/c said staring must be intentional, etc.), and of course he also has prosthetic arms to match her canon claws, obviously not as massive.

Hijikata is a very serious police officer but his wife Carmilla just uses this to have fun in the bedroom. They have two Dobermans. Hijikata's route has him patrolling near the school so most of the kids know as that scary police dude that has a picture of his wife in his pocket. One day a famous Idol called Eli-chan~ (yes spelled with the ~) is about to perform in the town and the kids can't stop talking about her, so Hijikata overhears. But, being the serious dude he is he shrugs it off until he sees a picture of this "Eli-chan~" and realizes it's his sister-in-law that came to visit and suddenly the influx of parasitic paparazzi near his house start making sense.

Carmilla: "Now you see why I hate them?", Hijikata: "No you cannot send the dogs after them honey."

She almost ran one of them over in her, very expensive, car and when that reporter says she should be locked up Hijikata corrects that would only happen if she had hit him...and she would be fined. For littering.

Okita Alter being Hijikata's partner, while Okita is her younger sister who's looked up to Hijikata since she was a little kid but she has asthma and such so she's afraid she might not get accepted.

Sigurd owns a metalworks shop (referencing his myth where he was raised by the dwarf Reginn), he met his wife Brynhildr when she was disowned by her overly controlling father.

Ozymandias, Nitocris, and Cleopatra are all the high board members of a company. Nitocris specifically got wind of Scheherazade's abusive husband situation and after getting said husband arrested, she offered Scheherazade a job.

Atalanta is a college student/TA who worked with Achilles' dad who ends up at their HS for a program or something, Achilles' dad has told him a lot about her.

Amakusa Shirou is an uncle married to the CEO of Babylon Gardens Pharmaceuticals, Semiramis. Semiramis herself is kinda chill if REALLY scary. She had to be pretty cutthroat to get to her position in the company, but Amakusa Shirou helped her mellow out, but she is still a massive tsundere.

"You know you COULD poison their lunch." "Semi, dear, I'm not going to poison my coworker's sandwich for being an ass." "It wouldn't kill them! Just a bit in their peanut better and they'll be stuck on the toilet for a week, no harm no foul."

Rex initially said Taiga would be an overly enthusiastic gym teacher but then I remembered that she was a homeroom/English teacher in Fate canon, but either or can do if you wanna be unique.

For Quetzalcoatl, Wrestling club supervisor when she isn't the senior year gym teacher. Some of the male students laughed that they didn't think a woman would know anything about wrestling. Two piledrives later, the students have earned a new appreciation for the importance on how not to be two pieces of shit. She's big on Lucha as in canon and during Halloween she gets JAGUARMAN to have an exhibition fight with her. They make a show of it but later on Taiga admits that Quatz could have CRUSHED her if they were actually fighting. She takes the wrestling club out for homemade Mexican food after tournaments

For Siduri, there's a bunch of rumors she's dating Caster Gil but it's strictly professional, Caster respects her too much to consider that. Archer Gil hits on her relentlessly, she manages to wound his ego more severely then anyone else simply by being unfailingly polite in her rejections and treating him like what he is, a teenage punk jumping higher than he can handle to land.

Ibaraki is Shuten's adoptive little sister after she was taken from an abusive mother, hence why Ibaraki looks up to her. Ibuki is either Shuten's big sister who had to take on a guardian role, or just her mom. Shuten and Ibuki have a bit of a strained relationship because Shuten saw the way Ibuki acted as they grew up, taking more and more responsibilities onto herself and refusing any distractions. And she decided that her biggest nightmare is to wake up one morning and realize she's turned into Ibuki so she tries to do everything to avoid that, hence their relationship not being the best. Ibaraki is kinda stuck in the middle because she wants to side with Shuten but she sees where Ibuki is coming from. Messy.

Caren is still Kotomine’s daughter, but he isn’t a good dad and in rebellion she sleeps around despite being a woman of god. Including sleeping with local punk Angra Mainyu. Angra Mainyu seems like a bad guy but he has a shit load of issues due to being blamed for everything going wrong in his old town, eventually coming to believe them and thinking he will cause nothing but problems. Caren banging him gives him a type of closeness he’s never felt, but under very warped circumstances.

For the Tamamo family, Vitch totally fucked her way up a corporate ladder or something, imagined Tamamo Cat working at a Cat Cafe if she were a Student. Tamamo no Mae accidentally fed her prev BF a food he was allergic too, and that kind of haunted her and scared her rep. IDK basically she seriously fucked up a previous relationship, either on purpose or accidentally, and that kind of hurts her deeply so she wants to start over with Hakuno.

Nero and Tamamo no Mae are rivals over this one guy.

Kiichi Hougen is the adoptive mom, Benkei is the family friend/uncle, Taira is Ushiwaka's older sister. Taira isn't on the best of terms with her family, some drama way back caused a rift and nowadays Ushi is the only one who's willing to talk to her and visit. Benkei never lets her go alone because he doesn't trust Taira one bit. Taira and Ushiwaka are Kintoki and Tomoe's cousins (I say Tomoe b/c apparently her husband and Ushiwaka were half cousins, with their grandpa having kids with their grandmas. I tried to make a whole family tree out of a few servants).

These are the ideas we had the most to talk about, if you guys have any suggestions for your fav servants in this AU, let either me or Rex know. Or just reblog and say them here. Who knows maybe you have a much better idea for a Servant we already mentioned.

[sunriseintropicisle]

Things that makes me happier

I gave up posting number in front of my post title, initially it was to mark whether I reach the goal of posting a writing every week, which made me had to post 52 writings for the year of 2021, and by this point I am pretty sure I am not gonna reach that number so yes, we can forget it. 

So I personally feel like recently I am in a better state of being, and have lots of idea coming up in my head. While I still religiously write on my handwritten journal, I feel like writing, in case my nonexistent reader would like to know, or give some inspirations. Lol, like who you are. 

No, really, I am just really believe in sharing, and I would love to know if my mundane knowledge or experience be insightful even to only one other person. Because I myself found multiple times that a knowledge/sharing that someone posted online impacted me greatly - hence I am just thinking about the other me who may be seeking the things I am about to say/share. 

Things that makes me happier are:

Intermittent Fasting

I have been doing IF for 2 weeks now, and yeah, it makes me feel good. I started initially because, duh, like everyone else, I wanted to lose weight. Some might want to kick me in the ass for saying such thing, and assure me that I have normal body and yada yada. And, as straight forward as it is - I just want to be as skinny as possible. Hahaha. Maybe it is something to do with me very sold into the standard beauty, or maybe it’s got to do with something in the past - I was quite cheeky. 

However, even though I always say that I want to lose weight, over the years I have never really made the effort. Some days I took it hard some days it just a normal day, me eating this and that and whatnot. But then I have noted the intention of  me wanting to be so skinny, on top of those beauty standard I believe have huge impact in me and a quite hard time in the past for being cheeky is because it simply makes me feel lighter, not holding anything within my body. Because for the context and some TMI, I have a not so good digestion, so yeah. There was a period of the time that I often I feel stuffed and bloated - which felt so uncomfortable, that I can’t stand working while sitting because I felt my stomach is getting on my way.

I tried IF a while back, and it worked for me, so now I decided to try it again now. Intention achieved. I believe it was because the time window for eating that pool all the food I eat in a day to be only consumed for certain times (I do 7 hours, my best convenience). I used to eat on times where, looking back, I was not really hungry, you know. Like breakfast - turned out (I don’t know why I forget about this) that I am not a breakfast person. All through high school I don’t remember myself sitting, eating breakfast in my uniform. 

But then I just picked up a habit of eating breakfast while my stomach is actually not really ready for it, which end up making me feel bloated that last long all through lunch and pretty much for the day - and then without me knowing the new day has begin, and the cycle starts all over. 

So yeah, IF had helped me to be to schedule my eating time which made my digestion works better I guess, and no more me having a bloated stomach constantly.

Quitting Social Media

Finally I succeed in cutting myself with social media. This, I also had tried in the beginning of the pandemic I guess - went on without social media for weeks and at that time I really felt the benefit and all, until I came back to social media and can not disconnect ever since. Even though I have been wanting to detox myself, but at the same time I felt really dependent on it.

It took me one lows moment of life to finally be able to went cold turkey about disconnecting. It was when I felt frustrated on Twitter news where every day it seems like there were a bad news - people died, people lost jobs, people complaining, the news about our incompetent and corrupt government and so on. Without me realizing, it took a toll on myself. Other than that was me who checking in Linkedin constantly at the time and seeing my friends’ profile whose climbing up the corporate ladder, while I was unsure and questioning whether I am in the right place (sounds like the problem of these days youth who lives in their own bubble, yeah?). 

So one Friday where I had one of my breakdown, I went MIA for the weekend to the people who are close to me, as well as to my social media. It’s only been 2 weeks now, but it is safe to say that I can reclaim myself within these times, suddenly lots of thinking came up to me, as if all these times the bad news maybe somewhat oppress it or something. And, I also feel more certain about what is going on my mind/heart. 

I believe quitting social media has its downside as well, as like I really am not having an update on the news (90% of my news source is Twitter - how sad yet could not be truer for most of us), I completely blind on our Covid update I even think that Covid is slowing down in the territory. Yeah, as expected you lose win some as well as you lose some, but for now at leas, I decided to win for myself. 

Olympic 2020

I have never watched Olympic before, as far as I remember. Nor that I care about it. But this time is different. I believe the fact that we are on privilege to be in the safety of home have a huge part in me having the opportunity to watch the Olympic - thanks for that. For almost two weeks I was hooked to my TV, even one time I was on my TV from 6am to 10pm and watched all the games they aired. 

To have the company to watch was a big advantage as well. As now I have my sibling in the house, I teamed up with my sister to watch the Olympic, we both did not know that we enjoyed it so much that we invested in each game we watched. We cheered for athletics, we scream for badminton, we gasped for weightlifting. It was a very fun experience. For almost two weeks I change my work station in front of the TV and so did my sister. 

On top of that, what made Olympic special and very intrigued me was the diversity of the athletes. I guess I just did not exposed to such diversity as it was presented in the Olympic. I was presented with some very foreign countries whose name I hardly heard, or the people whose features were different one another. 

Questions like why some sports dominated my a certain race while other sports dominated by others also popped out in my head. And not to mention my awed to each of these Olympian athletes when they perform their sports, I always wonder what it takes for them to be there right now - how many years of training, how much tears were sacrificed and relationships had to be let go. There were just so many elements of the Olympics that made me really drawn and invested in it. 

Youtube

Surprise, surprise. 

Well, my attraction to Youtube recently was different because of the previous para - Olympic. Because of getting really drawn into the Olympic athlete, I was searching lots of reference videos. And as we all know how we are being spied and we are mere a number for these big tech companies, they get to know me better know and present me with more content that I love (or else I had never discovered). 

I am not sure what I searched previously, but Youtube chose that I now an avid cultural researcher, jk. Yeah, I watched a lot about something culture-related on Youtube because it is funny, looking back, I was once really attracted to be a global citizen and what not (what a flavor of youth!!), traveling the world, meeting people from other countries, make impact in the NGO (before long I know the NGOs are mostly funded by big corporations as well, heart breaking reality for me). 

What I am saying is that the savvy man-made tech of Youtube has made me rediscover my old interest about culture! And I just actually learn that you can learn a lot from Youtube’s comment section, which debates often open up you to things which are (1) people can comment based on data and have every intention to educate other people; and (2) people more often be ignorant, and how much you are on the right stance, with the wrong people, you can still be, yeah wrong. 

Somehow the lesson I gained in the Youtube’s comment section was really grounding to me to realize these polar of people, and in the end what you can do is only simply be you because after all, people really will hold on to their own opinion and belief. 

Jigsaw Puzzle 

RECCOMENDED 100/100. Damn, wasn’t it a good choice when one day I decided to try out jigsaw puzzle to entertained myself while waiting my partner to reply my chat message? 

On the one of the breakdown moment I mentioned I believe that I had to have distraction and I thought of either a puzzle or a coloring book. I ended up buying both, but I am positive that I am more drawn to jigsaw puzzle. I first ordered a 1500 piece puzzle and when it first came, I kind of secretly afraid that I will give up. Also my mother being my mother and she was pessimist that I would finish the puzzle. 

But one time I was just playing by myself, not expecting anything or even asked anyone to help me (afraid that I put too much task on other people), yet my sister helped me out, and a while after my mom helped we out as well. Resulting in the puzzle finished in 3 days. Soon after I order new puzzle, and so did my sister. Her order came first and it was a 1000 pieces puzzle, which we finished in 2 hours (boo, it turned out to be too easy), and now we are opening up our 3rd puzzle and tried to work on it. 

I am just really happy that I discovered it, it is really great way to bond and filling time. And every time I successfully put the pieces together - that just very satisfying feelings! I believe I will have more and more puzzle to come in the near future. 

--

I hope one of the thing above will work out for you and make you happier as well as it had affected me. 🤗

[eldritchsurveys]

1043.

Does your middle name begin with letters A-G? >> No, it begins with S.

What is your state's largest city? >> I’m going to go ahead and assume that’s Detroit.

Pick your three favourite vegetables. >> Broccoli, carrots, squash. I really just pick three random vegetables every time I get this question, because I like so many.

Have you ever broken a movie or game disc? >> Probably. They’re pretty breakable.

What colour are your brother's eyes? >> ---

What are you feeling right now? >> Tired, kind of. Not as tired as I’d expect to be at this time, but tired enough, I guess.

Do you watch Law & Order: Special Victims Unit? >> No.

How many flights of stairs are in your house? >> There are two flights of stairs to get to my apartment.

Have you ever played a drinking game? Which ones? >> I’ve played Quarters. It was, of course, a very bad idea, but I wasn’t aware of the dangers at the time.

Do you often feel excluded? >> I often feel that way because I have a fair amount of social neuroses thanks to, you know -- [gestures to the past 25-plus years of my life] all these negative social experiences. I’m aware that feeling that way is usually more of an intense emotional hallucination rather than a rational interpretation of anything that’s actually going on around me, but that doesn’t make it any easier to override.

Are you good with managing your finances? >> I don’t have enough finances to require management. I just get this paltry bit of money and then immediately give it all up to my monthly expenses. But yes, I do have a knack for budgeting that I rarely get to use.

Do you have an accountant? >> HA! No, dude.

Did you ever play Neopets when you were younger? >> Nope.

Have you ever been to Mexico? >> Nope.

How big is your bathroom? >> Neither of these bathrooms are of any respectable size. But, I mean, getting one and a half bathrooms in an 800 sq ft apartment is amazing in itself. Of course they’re not going to be big, but at least there are two of them. (Regardless, I would prefer not to feel claustrophobic in my own bathroom. One day...)

How many friends do you have on Facebook? >> Like 15.

Do you regularly check anyone's profile online? >> I check up on certain blogs I follow on here, but that’s all.

What is the closest pizza place to your house? >> Hmm... Jet’s Pizza, I guess?

What age did your mum stop helping you clean your room, if she ever did? >> ---

What colour is your toothpaste? >> A sort of... soft minty green.

Have your parents ever worked in medicine? >> ---

Do you have any silly nicknames or pet names? >> No.

Are you any good at drawing? >> Well, I’m not absolute garbage at it -- I still have some skill left over from when I used to do it religiously.

Is there anything unusual about your house? >> Not that I can ascertain.

Can you maintain a text conversation or do you run out of things to say? >> I can maintain a conversation...

How old will you be turning in 2020? >> I turned 33.

Have you ever met anyone with Multiple Personality Disorder? >> I know a few people with either DID or OSDD. I know more people who are plural in a way that does not qualify for a DID/OSDD diagnosis (like myself).

What is your favourite type of cookie? >> Ginger snaps, lemon, snickerdoodle.

Do you spell things the way I do? (colour, favourite, flavour etc.) >> Yeah.

When was the last time you painted your nails? >> Oof, it’s been a long time. It’s so much effort for such a short-lived reward.

Do you like word or picture tattoos better? >> I don’t have a preference...

Does taking surveys make you sleepy? >> Nope.

How many vowels are in your mother's full name? >> ---

Do you find it hard to talk to strangers, even people who work in stores? >> I don’t find it difficult, I’m just not always in the headspace to do it.

Have you ever tasted goat's milk? >> Yeah.

Are you a fidgety person? >> Not especially? I’m more fidgety than a neurotypical person, but not nearly as fidgety as a lot of other neurodivergent people.

How many serious relationships have you been in? >> Hm.

Did you ever take classes for a musical instrument when you were younger? >> No.

Is there anything going on outside your window? >> Probably. There’s always something going on in the parking lot of this complex, it seems. Much to my aggravation and overwhelm, I should add.

What was your favourite board game as a child? >> I don’t think I had one.

Do you listen to Rise Against? >> I listen to one song, lol.

When was the last time you congratulated someone? >> I don’t remember.

Have you ever taken care of a newborn baby? >> No.

How old were you when you got your ears pierced? >> I was a baby when my ears were pierced.

Do you snore when you sleep? >> No one has ever said I do. I think the only time I’m prone to snoring is when I’m congested, which is rarely.

Have you ever been 10-pin bowling? >> No.

Do you have your own bowling ball and shoes? >> No.

What was the last type of burger you ate? >> A veggie one.

Have you cried in the past week? >> Oh, absolutely.

[beloved-judged]

Meditations on white culture and femininity

It’s easiest for me to start with my mother because it’s easiest to talk outside yourself.

My mother is a blue-eyed blonde. Petite in frame, dieted to the point where she is shaky and her health is poor. She’s had plastic surgery, eye surgery, has a personal trainer, and when she’s irritated with my father, spends heavily.

My father’s people, by contrast, run to every Southern stereotype. Big, muscular, dark-haired men and women shaped like coke bottles who make their own clothes out of exasperation with the inhumanities of fashion.

One grows up with expectations as a burden.

I was always angry at her, as a little girl, and at myself, for not looking like her. For being told I was too big, constantly--too big to dance ballet at the classes she took me to, too big to wear the petite sizes she did (in fact, I used to wear my father’s clothes on occasion, because I could fit them.) For having everything that went into my mouth measured and weighed, leaving me to often play sports games shaking with hunger. For the constant stream of criticism that, no matter how hard I was exercised and dieted, I would always wear double-digit sizes.

I grew up with the weight of her self-hatred and my own.

And in the social spaces we existed in--the churches in various Southern states, the religious schools where the curves I hated so much seemed to elicit such poor behavior. The same men and boys who used to publicly call me fat and make fun of me, often as not, could not seem to keep their hands off the ass they said was so massive, that they mooed at and threw paper wads at to see if they could land them in the gap at the top of my pants.

A body existing as a fundamental criticism, I assure you by accident, to which they felt compelled to respond. I existed as a body which seemed to be both an affront to them and something they longed to smash, to break and tear and consume. They certainly often tried to do that, responding with baffling violence that was as often as not sexual as it was violent.

A chance encounter was as likely to leave a bruise on my body as it was on my heart. A hand print. A torn seam. The breathless force of emotional shock as I looked down at a passed note asking how much it would cost to fuck me.

I’ve never been a Madonna. I’ve only ever been the other one, starting long before I knew anything about sex.

All of this is to say I understand my mother when she cries that she is fat, though no sane person would agree with her.

All of this is to say that when people talk about femininity, it often feels as if someone is walking on my grave, as if I am malignantly haunted.

My meditations this week have been on Ezili Freda and femininity, a topic that I’ve spent most of my life avoiding.

Looking at the culture I grew up with, several things strike me: first, the sheer volume of denial. Denial of pleasure. Denial of the pleasure of existing, of the idea that existence itself as female could be a source of life or enjoyment. Denial of mutual enjoyment. Denial of the validity of a body outside certain standards--to deny that body is anything positive, to criticize and mock it, to pantomime disgust. Denial that feminine people have any worth whatsoever.

Coupled with an avid delight in those things--a disgust that must be appeased in private. Pleasure must be restrained, must be publicly hated and privately celebrated in a destructive way. It can never be straightforward, and in fact is evil when expressed in a straightforward way and must be punished.

Rip, tear, pull apart, consume, use up. This is why you must be a virgin when you marry, why women are only desirable when they’re young, why no woman with multiple sexual partners is worth anything.

Because pleasure must destroy. Because the feminine must be suppressed, controlled, and ground down. And the masculine must suppress, control, and grind down.

The second is just that: the profound and cruel stereotyping of people and gender.

I would say that the white culture I learned is a culture of death, but it does not have the productive honesty that the Guede express. It is not a ‘destroy to be born anew’, nor ‘appreciate the fleeting nature of time in all its stages,’ nor any other death-into-life, as I understand the Black division.

Instead, it is a ‘destroy and deny because there is nothing else’ and ‘all is shame and hatred, so dominate or be destroyed.’

What dreams we have to offer, when it comes to masculinity and femininity!

My god, I don’t know how the lwa stand us, sometimes.

What a poor offering we make of our own understanding to the lwa!

What dross we give them in exchange!

I have not met Ezili Freda yet in the flesh. I do not know if I could stand such a thing--I have such conflicting feelings about femininity. I could apologize to her forever and not be done with it. I am so sorry for how I feel about femininity, that I have hated this part of myself for so long.

Be brave, the lwa say. Live bravely.

I don’t care how it sounds. Femininity, and being feminine, requires a certain amount of bravery, even when it doesn’t come down to having to violently defend yourself from someone else’s malicious garbage-y understanding of femininity--and trust and believe, I have been there, outsmarting or out-fighting someone intent on harm because they think that’s what women are good for.

To be embodied as feminine in a culture like this is.... there is a certain inherent courageousness in living visibly feminine.

Be brave, they say.

Bravery deserves honor. Femininity deserves honor. Ezili Freda deserves honor.

Fuck that white culture of death.

Let us affirm life, which femininity is a part of.