#and Lester's depression
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i love that he gets to experience immense levels of happiness and appreciation alone AND with his soulmate by his side. i love that he gets to have that now. happiness and pride look amazing on him x
#dan you truly outlived depression and i couldn’t wish for anything more than to see you this happy always#always with phil by your side or on the sidelines cheering your growth on#you deserve the goddamn world#cant believe im meeting these people in a week#dan and phil#dnp#phan#phil lester#amazingphil#daniel howell#danisnotonfire
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this legitimately healed me
#like maybe the depression is actually gone now!!!#he is so😭#dnp#dan and phil#phan#phil lester#dan howell#daniel howell#dnp tit#d&p#dip and pip#amazingphil#dnptit
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i've had a really tough few months. i haven't felt any motivation to draw for a really long time, which if you know me is unheard of. but then my brain worms said 'hey remember those guys?'
thank you to my muses
#dan and phil#dan howell#phil lester#terrible influence tour#phan#my art#like i seriously cannot overstate how much of a creative drought i've been in#i could've picked up a pencil and done this any time but it never felt right#and then these two dinks said 'hey come stream our show that you missed bc you were a depressive episode and had no energy to buy tickets'#and i watched it and saw god herself#i love these guys so much and i've loved them since 2013#like yall idk if any of my current followers know this but i went to tatinof#and idk i just wanted to express my love for my heroes ok
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Shout out to this person in particular! Lmfao

#someone please upload an illegal google drive of the show PLEASE#dan and phil#phan#dan howell#phil lester#dnp#going through letterboxd reviews of dnps projects heals my depression give it out for cinephile phannies
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It's the last episode of Malevolent. Kayne agrees to bring Faroe back. "But first," he says, "let's go over what happened once again."
And there they are, young Arthur Lester and Faroe. Young Arthur, crushed after his wife's death, restrained by a life he didn't want, without a soul in the world to help him, yearning for nothing more than to revert time.
Holding the little girl's head under the water until she stops moving.
"Impressive how you can wholeheartedly believe a lie you made up yourself, hm?" Kayne asks, patting him on the shoulder. "Dissociative amnesia they call it, I believe? Or not? Uh, no matter. Do you remember now?"
#hi guys#inaccurate portrayal of dissociative amnesia guys#AU POSSIBLY#psychosis guys#bella wasn't around for postpartum depression but arthur was#i am normal#are you?#malevolent#arthur lester#john doe malevolent#malevolent podcast#WHAT DO YOU THINK JOHN WOULD THINK#“orthur he's messing with you that's not what happened” except it is what happened#kayne malevolent
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ten times divorced idiots <3
#i'm gonna fix my sleep schedule i say#hyperfocusing all night through the cramps#breaking the depression artblock at all costs#anyway John's face is made of countless hands that he puppets when he speaks#also torn up renainssance and medieval style clothing my beloved#might chip away at my KiY design over time tho#John piggybacking on Arthur's shoulders makes my brain go teehee#malevolent#malevolent podcast#malevolent fanart#john doe malevolent#arthur lester#arthur lester malevolent#john malevolent#pardal does art
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the true meaning of being in the phandom in ur mid twenties is watching "A Festive Day in the Life of Dan and Phil" on repeat so you can feel the festive cheer that you yearn for since it doesn't really feel like christmas anymore
#a festive quest#tokaido#didn't mean for this to get that depressing lol! but its simply the truth#festive day in the life of dan and phil!#dan and phil#dip and pip#phan#phil lester#daniel howell#dan and phil games#tit tour#danisnotonfire#dan howell#amazingphil#danandphil
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Arthur gets his sight back but somehow the world is even more dull. nothing compares to the way john described things to him and he pretends he’s grateful, but a part of him misses the elaborate pictures john would paint in his mind because those instilled him with far more hope (albeit, sometimes fear. thank you john for describing the horrific eldritch monster in detail.) than his own eyes ever could.
#johndoesmiddlefinger#johnfingerposting#malevolent#malevolent podcast#malevolent john#arthur lester#limb posting#malevolent john doe#arthur lester malevolent#jarthur#I’m sorry gang#private eyes#it’s like how when you’re a child everything is so vibrant and colorful but as you get older everything gets so much more dull & depressing
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Malevolent intermezzo spoilers
Do you ever wonder if Kayne and Darkthur were in the walls in part 1?? Do you reckon that he took darkthur back to watch a world of himself where it all went better, even if only slightly??
#podcast#malevolent#arthur lester#john doe#the entity#darkthur#malevolent kayne#kayne west#kayne giving everyone crippiling depression as usual
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lofi phantasy: the album
track 11: a good stretch
#and like yes this second-half of the gifseries was Also so i could use that iconic 2009!phil moment for this track cause like.#it's so relevant#dan and phil#daniel howell#danisnotonfire#amazingphil#phil lester#danandphilbeats#dpgdaily#phan#dnp gifs#my gifs#compilation#lofiphantasygifs#Lick my soap#20 Things I Wish I Knew Age 20#Daniel and Depression#A Week in the Life of Dan and Phil!#A Day in the Life of Dan and Phil in AUSTRALIA!
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I was doing FINE then I started to listen to podcasts and now I’m GAY
#if someone asks I’ll be in the depression corner listening to podcasts#the magnus archives#malevolent#the penumbra podcast#welcome to the night vale#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#wtnv cecil#cecil palmer#carlos the scientist#arthur lester#john doe
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listening to podcasts after already interacting with the fandom is so fun cause ill hear the name "the butcher" and ill go "OOH I SAW THAT NAME IN A TUMBLR POST!!"
#this podcast has made my depression infinitely worse#worth it#malevolent#john doe malevolent#john doe#arthur malevolent#arthur lester#the butcher#the butcher malevolent
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I am totally fine
...Lester, who saw that Meg was like him, while observing her and her Beast...
...(and who didn't admit to himself, that he had a Beast too)...
...Meg who was so scared and worried out of her mind that Lester is in dander and is going to die in the cave of Trophonius that she kept trying to catch his attention and started singing in order to guarantee his safety...
...Lester, who selflessly agreed to give his life only if Meg is going to live; and then proceeded to put himself under risk of being suffocated...
...Meg who was helplessly watching how [her] dummy stabbed himself in the heart and fell limb (I am sure that for a second she was not sure if it was the end or not)...
...Lester who watched people he knew only for a few hours were killed for his sake, clearly not understanding why they would sacrifice themselves for him ("and, for some reason, Jason Grace decided that I would not die today too")...
...Meg, who was watching how her best friend was dying from poison; she didn't want him to die, she cried because she didn't want him to die...
...Lester who helped her to kill her Beast Nero... (I am sure that he is very proud of this achievement of hers)
...Lester, who promised her to come back, no matter what, because the sun always comes back...
Apollo, who did.
They, who became each other's family, because their families are shit (not all of the people/gods).
#lester papadopoulos#toa#meg mccaffrey#sunflower siblings#apollo#pjo#love them#they literally saved each other in different ways#they are ready to kill and die for eachother#and live#i think that lester would die for a cute puppy (who wouldn't)#or maybe he has depression#i think he has#yeah#trauma why not#i want to see them making each other hot chocolate at 2am in the kitchen cause they couldn't fall asleep#OR it was between 4th and 5th books abd they stopped at a gas station#at night and bought themselves hot chocolate#yesss#i need an additional book about that month? of them traveling through usa#siblings#i will find a way to dive into Lester's/Apollo's issues#and Lester's depression#because (headcanon) i am sure that it was not only depression but some sort of of e.d. (eating disorder) due to stress#or body dysphoria#but it is a headcanon#live to picture my trauma onto some beautiful losers of whom i am very-very proud#OH abd both of them grew mentally#i am proud of them
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March 24, 2015: Phil gives us a Susan3 update! I have to wonder, do you think he still has this Tamagotchi? Considering that he brought out Lion and Lioness last night, I'd say there's a pretty good chance! 👾🦁🥰
#phil#amazingphil#phil lester#y:2015#via:twitter#10yearsofdnp#y'all i am in such a bad mood today#the post-tit depression is REAL#doesn't help that my work is super loud and chaotic too#cannot wait to go home grrrrrrr
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a good way to break your neck for @heartstopperdnp
#dan and phil#daniel howell#phil lester#amazingphil#dan and phil games#danandphilgames#my edits#parallels#DREAM TEEN BEDROOM MAKEOVER - Dan and Phil Play: Sims 4 53#17:58#DIL HOWLTER IS BACK - Dan and Phil Play: The Sims 4 64#14:50#the amount of times i watched these gifs to make them loop evenly is depressing#hundreds. it was hundreds
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idv art dump



#identity v#idv#anne lester#toy merchant idv#luca balsa#prisoner idv#frederick kreiburg#composer idv#matthias czernin#puppeteer idv#mike morton#acrobat idv#i haven’t made anything proper in months cause of depression and art block#god save me#is lucafrederick even a ship that’s popular#lucafrederick#lucarick#??#idk#fredluca#maybe?#prommy i’ll draw more#they are real to me
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