#and Kelsey literally nailed it

[jaynovz]

[image id: A cover art for the linked podcast episode. It is a full color painting of Flint and Silver from Black Sails, depicted as Orpheus (Flint) and Eurydice (Silver) respectively. The painting is a transformative interpretation of a famous oil painting titled Orpheus and Eurydice by George Frederic Watts. The painting has rich, gold hues reminiscent of the original, it depicts Flint clutching Silver as he falls away, both wearing chiton garments, it is depicted at the moment in the myth that Orpheus turns back to look and Eurydice dies a second time. /end id]

Black Sails Nation!! We’re back!

Reading Between the Lines Podcasts returns with a guest narrator, this time! @jaynovz joins me once again, this time narrating Chapter one of her own fic, Did The Twin Flame Bruise Paint You Blue, colloquially known as the Breakup AU.

The title and the story are inspired by the 10 minute version of Taylor Swift’s All Too Well and in our interview, we discuss those parallels, the depth of the SilverFlint tragedy, the art of audio narration, and how best to approach scenes of intimacy from a narrating perspective. Jay and I also discover that we’ve made nearly identical choices for voicing Flint and Silver. This is a jam-packed interview, folks! So buckle up for this ride!

Once again, this episode has incredible cover art, commissioned from @magicbubblepipe

The art is inspired by the a painting of Orpheus and Eurydice, referenced in the fic, itself. Thank you so much, Kelsey! You’re absolutely brilliant!

[bradshawsbaby]

Like Peas in a Pod

Pairing: Bob Floyd x Female Reader

Summary: What happens when two wallflowers find each other?

Word Count: 5.7k

Author’s Note: I admit that this story is extremely self-indulgent. But I have a feeling that a lot of people can relate to what our leading lady goes through, and I hope you can find pieces of yourself in her!

Warnings: Mild angst, social awkwardness, feeling overlooked, alcohol consumption, flirting, fluff.

If you’d had it your way, you would be at home right now, curled up on the couch in a pair of cozy pajamas with a good book and a steaming cup of tea in hand. But instead, your friends had outnumbered you 3-1 and you were currently sitting in the middle of a noisy, crowded bar, the patrons loudly competing with the music that was blaring through the speakers.

“Do we have to go out tonight?” you’d groaned over FaceTime a few hours earlier. “It’s been such a long week. Can’t we just do a wine night and put on some movies?”

“We did that last week!” Shawna argued. “C’mon, I just got my nails done. Don’t let it be for nothing,” she teased, wiggling her manicured fingers in front of the camera.

“Besides,” Kelsey chimed in, “like you said, it has been a long week. We deserve a night out to unwind and treat ourselves.”

“Hopefully we’ll find other people to treat us,” Renee added cheekily, tossing her unruly dark curls over her shoulder as she winked.

“Besides, the girls at work told me this is a really fun bar. Apparently it’s where all the hotties from North Island go after work,” Shawna giggled.

Your former college roommate had just started a new nursing job at Naval Medical Center San Diego, so if anyone was going to know where the hot Navy guys spent their off hours, it would be her.

“It’s settled! We’re going to The Hard Deck, ladies,” Renee grinned, blowing you all a kiss. “Meet at my place at 8 and we’ll Uber over.”

As much as you would have preferred to stay at home tonight, you had to admit that Shawna hadn’t been wrong. From the moment you’d stepped foot inside The Hard Deck, you’d been amazed at the sheer number of attractive men crowding the space. You certainly never found men like this when you hit the bars downtown.

Renee, ever the mastermind when it came to scoping out the most advantageous situations, quickly managed to grab your group a table smack in the middle of the room. It had an excellent vantage point that not only made you most visible to the bar’s patrons, but also gave you a perfect view of the pool table, the dart boards, and the bar all at once.

“Cheers, ladies!” Kelsey exclaimed once you were all seated with your first round of drinks. “And a special toast to Shawna for telling us about this place!” she added with a grin, holding up her glass of hard cider.

The rest of you held up your drinks—Renee had opted for a bottle of Coors, Shawna had gone with an IPA, and you had chosen a High Noon—and clinked them together with a celebratory “Cheers!”

“Tonight’s the night that you’re finally going to find yourself a man,” Shawna told you, turning to you and playfully poking you in the side.

“Yes, it is!” Renee nodded in agreement, winking at you from across the table as she took a sip of her beer.

“Take your pick, babe,” Kelsey added, waving her hand to encompass the whole bar. “I’ve literally never seen so many gorgeous guys all in one place. And in uniform, too!”

You felt the back of your neck prickling and your skin growing warm at your friends’ expectant stares, a weak smile gracing your lips as you took a sip of your drink. It always ended up being like this. You loved your friends, and you knew they meant well, but they had no idea what it was like to be in your shoes.

The four of you had been best friends since college, despite the fact that you couldn’t have been more different from one another if you tried. Kelsey always joked that your four personalities combined helped to balance each other out.

Despite their differences in looks, style, and demeanor, Shawna, Renee, and Kelsey did all have one thing in common that you had never seemed to possess—the ability to turn men’s heads no matter where they were.

Shawna had the perfectly sweet girl-next-door vibe going on. With her strawberry blonde locks, big blue eyes, dusting of freckles, and curvy figure, she always attracted guys like bees to a flower.

At any given time, Kelsey looked like she had just walked off the runway. Even in a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, she managed to look chic. With her tall, willowy figure, sleek dark brown bob, almond-shaped eyes, and lips that never needed lipstick, she had men drooling all over her.

Arguably the most exuberant member of the group was Renee, who had been a firecracker for as long as you had known her. The only thing bigger than her laugh was her smile, and she had the most gorgeous ebony curls that contrasted perfectly with her cinnamon-colored skin. Paired with her petite figure, she drew men in like moths to a flame.

And then there was you. Quiet, shy, bookish you. Throughout college, people had often commented that you seemed like the most grounded out of all your friends, but you knew what that really meant. You were boring. And you knew what people were really trying to say—how had you become friends with such fun-loving girls?

You loved your friends more than anything, and you were grateful for the ways they’d helped you come out of your shell since college. But you’d be lying if you said going out to bars with them wasn’t challenging at times.

They all knew how to light up a room, how to flirt and talk to random strangers and get phone numbers from the hottest men you’d ever seen. You—didn’t know how to do any of that.

You’d tried over the years, you really had. Mainly at the girls’ insistence. You made an effort to flirt with the guys they introduced you to, or strike up conversations with  random cuties at your favorite coffee shop, but it never seemed to work for you the way that it did for your friends. And guys never approached you the way they did Shawna and Kelsey and Renee.

The most painful experience had been a couple months ago, when a guy had come up to you while you were waiting to order a drink, smiling and chatting in a way that had you thinking he was interested. Your heart had soared inside your chest, only to crash a few moments later when he asked, “So, is your friend single?” while pointing at Kelsey.

You hadn’t told any of your friends about that encounter. You knew they’d just feel bad and you didn’t want them to. They were desperate to find somebody for you, and you didn’t have the heart to tell them that you’d given up hoping for that a long time ago. They just wouldn’t understand. They went on dates all the time. You were just the one guys approached to inquire after their relationship statuses.

“Don’t give us that look,” Renee told you, shaking her head and pointing an accusatory finger at you as you attempted to slink down in your seat. “You look hot tonight, and you need to show it off!”

“You do,” Shawna nodded vehemently, nudging you in the side again until you sat up straight. “I love that top.”

“See? I told you it was a solid purchase,” Kelsey winked, as she had been the one to convince you to buy the top in question when the two of you had gone shopping a couple weeks ago.

Despite your lack of hopefulness, you had put a good deal of effort into your appearance tonight. You couldn’t help it. A bar full of hot guys in sexy uniforms? You’d be crazy not to try. You’d spent over an hour on your hair and make-up, and had decided to finally take the tags off the top Kelsey had convinced you to buy. The neckline flattered your figure and hugged your body in all the right places. You’d coupled it with a pair of high-waisted jeans and strappy sandals to show off your pedicure. Even you had to admit that you looked good, but you still hadn’t seemed to catch the eye of any guy in the bar.

“Let’s just enjoy the night and focus on us,” you said, trying to deflect your friends’ intense attention. “If anybody else happens to come along, then so be it.”

The girls all shot you dissatisfied looks, but didn’t push the point any further. Shawna started regaling you all with stories from her new job, which allowed you to let out a soft sigh of relief.

As the night went on, you tried your best not to grow discouraged, but it was getting harder and harder. Countless guys had passed by your table, stopping to flirt with Renee or Kelsey or Shawna, or even all three, but their eyes skipped over you like you were invisible. Whenever your friends tried to direct their attention your way, they smiled politely before instantly turning back to the actual objects of their attraction. Every time you got up to use the bathroom or order another round at the bar, you attempted to smile and make eye contact and appear open and interested, all the things your friends had been telling you to do for years, but none of it worked.

At that point, all you wanted to do was go home, put on your pajamas, and live vicariously through a good rom com.

You were about to tell your friends that you were going to get going when one of the bartenders—if you’d heard correctly earlier, she might have been the owner—approached your table with a tray full of drinks, a smile gracing her lovely face.

“Ladies, these are for you,” she said, setting down a cider for Kelsey, a Coors for Renee, an IPA for Shawna, and a High Noon for you.

“Oh,” Shawna said, her blue eyes widening in surprise. “I think there might have been a mistake. We didn’t order another round, did we?” she asked, looking at the rest of you.

“Not that we won’t take them,” Renee chimed in with that bright laugh of hers.

The woman smiled at the four of you. “No mistake. These drinks are compliments of the group over there,” she chuckled, pointing at a group of officers clustered around the pool table.

The four of you turned your gazes in the direction she was pointing, your friends letting out various sounds of delighted surprise when they realized the men in question looked as though they had just been featured on the cover of Men’s Health magazine.

“Oh, we’ll definitely take them!” Renee beamed, flipping her dark curls over her shoulder.

“Thank you,” Kelsey grinned up at the older woman gratefully.

“Of course,” she nodded, tucking her empty tray under her arm. She leaned in a little closer with a conspiratorial smile and whispered, “I’ll vouch for the fact that they’re good guys. But if they act like idiots, just come find me. My name is Penny.”

“Thanks, Penny,” Shawna giggled, reaching for her new drink. “We owe you one!”

Penny winked at you before heading back to the bar, which was surrounded by thirsty customers. Business was booming. If Penny was the owner as you suspected, then she must have been doing quite well.

“Should we go thank them for the drinks?” Shawna grinned, chewing on her lower lip as she glanced in the direction of the handsome officers at the pool table.

“Not yet,” Renee decided, smirking mischievously. “We’ll let them sweat it out a little bit first.”

“Renee!” Kelsey laughed, lightly smacking her on the arm.

“What? You know it’ll work. They’ll be eating out of the palms of our hands,” Renee grinned, taking a hearty sip of her Coors.

“They look cute,” you ventured, though your palms were already sweating at the thought of approaching them. You highly doubted any of them would be eating out of your clammy palms.

Clearly you shouldn’t have said anything, because suddenly all three of your friends were pouncing on you like ravenous wolves.

“Which one do you think is the cutest?”

“Do you see one you like?”

“Claim one now before we get over there!”

Their words loudly overlapped one another, to the point that you had to resist the urge to cover your ears with your hands.

“I—I—I don’t know!” you exclaimed, feeling your skin grow warm with embarrassment. You hated being the center of attention. “I just meant—I mean, they look cute for you guys.”

“Um, last I checked, you were just as single as the rest of us. Why wouldn’t they be cute for you, too?” Kelsey demanded, raising one of her perfectly waxed eyebrows.

“Please, you guys, let’s just drop it. I’m probably going to start heading home soon anyway,” you told them, sliding down in your seat and wishing the ground would swallow you whole.

“What? No, you can’t!” Renee and Shawna practically cried in unison.

“C’mon, we’ll go over to them now,” Renee decided, grabbing her drink and her purse. “You can’t leave yet,” she insisted.

Kelsey and Shawna nodded, grabbing their things and following suit, nearly having to drag you out of your seat to get you to come with them.

“Well, well, well, fellas,” smirked a blonde-headed officer as the four of you approached the pool table. “Looks like our little gift didn’t go unnoticed after all.”

Glancing down quickly, you spotted the name printed on his nameplate—Seresin. He was extremely handsome in that clean-cut, All-American way, with his perfectly coiffed blonde hair, sparkling green eyes, and charming smile.

Renee, who always ended up being your group’s fearless leader, smirked in return as she stepped to the head of the pack. “Well, well, well, ladies. Looks like the guys who sent us those drinks aren’t half bad after all,” she said, resting a hand on her hip as she gazed up at the blonde man, challenge twinkling in her dark eyes. “Even if they weren’t brave enough to come bring us the drinks themselves.”

Kelsey and Shawna stood on either side of her, giggling softly, while you hung near the back, staring down at your feet as your cheeks burned hot.

“Most of us aren’t half bad. I can’t speak for Hangman here,” another voice piped up, deep and gravelly. You could sense, rather than see, Kelsey’s ears pricking up at the sound.

Glancing up, you saw another handsome man standing before you, looking every inch Kelsey’s type with his sunkissed brown hair, broad shoulders, tanned skin, and easygoing smile. If you knew Kelsey, you knew she was already imagining what that mustache would feel like against her lips. You clocked his nameplate as well—Bradshaw.

“Hangman?” Renee asked coquettishly, quirking an eyebrow as she glanced between the two men.

“My callsign,” the blonde cut in smoothly, pool cue still in hand. It was clear that while he and Bradshaw might be buddies, there was still a sense of competition between the two.

“Ah, callsigns. You’re fighter pilots,” Shawna commented, grinning knowingly. Thank goodness for her job at NMCSD. She was much more in the know than any of the rest of you.

“Not just any fighter pilots. The best fighter pilots,” came another voice from the other side of the pool table. When Hangman stepped to the side, you saw it belonged to a guy whose jawline looked like it could cut glass and whose smile could melt butter. His nameplate read Machado.

“Oh, yeah?” Kelsey asked, crossing her arms over her chest. “And who determines that?”

“The Navy,” Bradshaw replied smoothly, stepping a little closer to your statuesque friend. “We’re all TOPGUN graduates. The top 1%.”

“Hmm, and humble, too,” Kelsey laughed, delicately resting her hand on his arm as she did so. “So what’s your callsign then?”

“Rooster,” the mustached man told her, chest puffing out with pride. “But I’m being awfully rude. I didn’t catch your name,” he said, holding out his large hand.

“Kelsey,” she replied, her dark eyes twinkling as she slipped her hand into his.

You watched as, almost instantly, your friends partnered off quite naturally with the handsome aviators. Renee and Hangman were already bickering about the best way to sink the 8 ball, Kelsey and Rooster were talking about music near the window, and Shawna was flirting up a storm with Machado, whose callsign turned out to be Coyote.

Your stomach sank as you realized that you were suddenly on your own. As usual. Not that you resented your friends getting to flirt with cute guys. You always cheered them on when they met someone new, and you were always there to celebrate with them. You just wished that, for once, they had a reason to celebrate with you.

Glancing around, you saw that there were several other officers hanging around the pool table, though most of them seemed to be engrossed in their own conversations. No one was paying you any mind. And suddenly you felt like crying.

What was wrong with you? Was there something about you that just naturally repelled handsome men? Your friends were constantly telling you how beautiful you were, but that was hard to believe when you were the only one who never got hit on, never got asked out, never felt special or seen by anybody.

It was time to go home. You could feel the tears stinging the backs of your eyes, and the last thing you needed was to start bawling in the middle of a Navy bar. No one would notice if you just slipped away. You’d text your friends in the Uber and ask them to let you know how the rest of their night went. It always ended up being like this, and you weren’t sure why you had thought tonight would be any different.

Silently leaving your drink on the table with your friends’ things, you turned and began snaking your way through the crowd, trying to get to the bar so that you could close out your tab. Before you could get there, however, someone bumped into you from behind, sending your purse flying out of your hands.

Sighing softly, you dropped down to your hands and knees, praying you wouldn’t get stomped on as you tried to reach for it. Just as your hand was hovering over it, however, a much larger hand closed down around it and lifted it up.

Before you could shout for help, that same hand was hovering in front of your face, silently offering to help you up off the sticky bar floor. You lifted your head and your heart skipped a beat at the man who was gazing down at you. He had sandy brown hair, big blue eyes magnified behind a pair of military-issued glasses, and ruddy cheeks, an uncertain smile on his handsome face.

Wordlessly, you took his hand and allowed him to pull you back up to your feet. He was even taller than you had originally thought from your position down on the ground.

“Are you alright?” he asked loudly, trying to be heard over the din of the crowd.

“Yes,” you yelled back, nodding your head on the off-chance he hadn’t heard you. “Thank you,” you added.

“I’m guessing you were looking for this?” he went on, holding up your purse in his other hand.

You nodded again, accepting your bag with a grateful smile. “I guess I’m just a klutz,” you told him sheepishly, the realization dawning that this man had literally just witnessed you crawling on a grimy bar floor.

He smiled in response, which only made him look all the more handsome. “It wasn’t your fault,” he said, shaking his head. “Someone bumped into you.”

He had seen that? Had he actually been paying attention to you? Or did he just happen to be nearby?

“Well, thank you. I appreciate it,” you murmured, nervously fiddling with one of your bracelets as you glanced over at the bar.

He followed your gaze, his expression conflicted. “Well I don’t want to hold you up,” he told you, sounding vaguely disappointed.

Your head whipped back in his direction. “Oh, no! I mean, you’re not. I was just trying to get to the bar to close my tab.”

Were you losing your mind or did he really look disappointed now?

“Oh, you’re leaving?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder. “I, um, I thought I saw you with the girls who were hanging out with my friends,” he explained, indicating the group at the pool table with his thumb.

He was a part of that group? Was this a sign that maybe you shouldn’t leave after all?

“Oh, um, yeah,” you nodded, chewing on your bottom lip as you tried to think of what to say. “I just, um…well, it’s kind of loud in here and I just…” Your sentence trailed off as you realized how lame you sounded.

“Would you like to maybe go outside for a minute?” he suggested. When you hesitated, he stammered, “I mean, of course you don’t have to. I’m sorry. I mean, obviously you just want to get out of here and I’m—”

“No,” you cut him off, briefly brushing your fingers against his arm. “I mean, I would like that,” you clarified with a shy smile.

“Oh,” he blinked, looking a little surprised. But then he brightened instantly, his bright blue eyes shining as he smiled at you in return. “I’m Bob, by the way. Bob Floyd,” he introduced himself, holding out his hand to you.

Slipping your hand into his, you smiled wider as you told him your name, beaming when he repeated it back to you and told you it was pretty.

“So do you have a callsign, too, Bob?” you asked curiously as he led you through the crowd and towards one of the back doors that faced the beach. “Your friends were telling me and my friends their callsigns earlier.”

“Oh, um, yeah,” he replied, rubbing the back of his neck as he held open the door that led to a little back patio with picnic tables. It was relatively empty, except for a few people hanging out in the sand. “My callsign is Bob. Original, I know,” he said with a self-deprecating laugh, as if he was used to being made fun of for it.

In that instant, you felt a deep sense of connectedness to him that you couldn’t explain. Maybe it was the way he ducked his head and averted his gaze, like he was trying to hide, or the way he nervously shoved his glasses up the bridge of his nose, but you were suddenly certain that no one understood what it felt like to be in your shoes more than he did. To be overlooked, forgotten, underestimated. To be uncomfortable in your own skin because you were so certain you were never going to be enough for people.

“I like it,” you told him with a smile.

“Thank you,” he replied sincerely, looking caught off guard and surprised by your words once again.

The two of you wandered over to one of the picnic tables and took seats opposite each other, the fairy lights strung up outside illuminating his features as he gazed at you.

“Is this your first time at The Hard Deck?” he asked curiously, resting his elbows on the table. “I feel like I’d remember seeing you.”

You bit down on your lower lip to hide your smile, his words warming you from the inside out. “It is, actually. It was my friend Shawna’s idea to come tonight. She just recently started working at NMCSD and some of her co-workers told her this was a good spot.”

“It is,” Bob nodded, smiling at you. “Penny Benjamin, the owner, is a good woman and she always makes sure to look out for us.”

“I’m guessing this is a regular spot for you guys then?” you questioned, glancing up and spotting your friends through one of the windows. They looked like they were still having a good time with the aviators they’d found.

“Pretty much, yeah,” he chuckled. “It’s been almost a year since I’ve been back in San Diego. I was at TOPGUN a few years ago, then got stationed at Lemoore, then got called back to TOPGUN last October for a special mission, then got asked to stay on permanently with my new squadron. The Hard Deck has become like a second home,” he joked.

You laughed softly, charmed by the way he told you the story without a trace of arrogance or conceit. Clearly, he was one of the Navy’s best pilots if he had been called to TOPGUN not once, but twice, but he wasn’t bragging or boasting. He was just stating the facts.

As if he could read your mind, Bob explained, “I’m actually not a pilot. I’m a Weapons Systems Officer. I ride in the rear of the jet and deal with navigation and operating the aircraft system. I wanted to be a pilot when I was young, but my vision’s always been a problem. I’m proud to be a WSO though. And I have a great partner.”

“I think that sounds really impressive,” you told him honestly, reaching out and resting your hand over his. “I’m sure that takes a tremendous amount of skill and talent. If it was up to me, we’d never make it off the ground,” you grinned.

Bob smiled in return. “I’m sure you’d get the hang of it real quick. You seem really smart,” he said, the tips of his ears turning red as he ducked his head slightly. “So, uh, what do you do?”

“I’m a teacher,” you replied. “I teach history to middle schoolers.”

“Now that’s something I’m sure takes a tremendous amount of skill and talent. Just the thought of middle schoolers terrifies me,” he admitted, which made both of you laugh. “And history, too, huh? I love history. It was always my favorite subject in school.”

“Really?” you asked excitedly. It was rare that you found someone who enjoyed geeking out over history as much as you did.

“Absolutely. If I hadn’t gone into the Navy, I would have loved working in a museum or something. Maybe being a teacher, but like I said—middle schoolers terrify me,” he grinned, his eyes crinkling.

“There’s always high school,” you pointed out with a smile.

“Even worse!” he exclaimed, which made you dissolve into a fit of giggles.

The two of you sat in companionable silence for a few moments, taking in the sound of the ocean waves and the faint trickle of music coming from inside the bar.

“Is that a piano?” you asked when the sound of the music registered in your ears.

“Sounds like Rooster is already trying to show off to your friend,” Bob teased, glancing over his shoulder as the door opened and a small group of rowdy sailors made their way outside.

“Trust me, Kelsey is probably eating it all up right now,” you assured him with a knowing look.

“My friends are very smooth with the ladies, but they’re also good guys, I promise. Your friends are in good hands,” he told you.

“It’s funny, Penny told us the same thing earlier,” you said.

“Ah, well, no one’s more trustworthy than Penny,” Bob smiled.

You nodded and the two of you sat in silence once again. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, however. You didn’t feel the need to fill it with awkward chatter. You were more than happy to just sit there with him, enjoying the cool evening air and listening to the sound of the waves lapping against the shore.

Bob looked like something was on his mind, like he wanted to say something, but was holding back. When you met his eyes and cocked your head to the side curiously, however, he seemed to come to a decision.

“Why were you going to leave?”

You were a little taken aback by his question and immediately dropped your gaze to your lap, fiddling with the strap of your purse and trying to figure out how to answer his question in a way that didn’t make you sound completely pathetic.

“I’m sorry, that’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have asked that,” Bob chastised himself, shaking his head. “Please, just forget it.”

“No, um, it’s okay,” you reassured him, clearing your throat slightly. You suddenly wished you had thought to grab a cup of water before coming outside. “Um, I guess I just realized that my friends were really hitting it off with your friends, and I didn’t see any point in sticking around any longer.”

Bob seemed troubled by your response, a small crease appearing between his brows. “Wasn’t there anybody for you to talk to?”

You turned your face away in embarrassment. Things had been going so well. You didn’t want Bob to know what a wallflower you truly were.

“Um, no, not really. My friends are the ones guys usually want to talk to,” you admitted quietly, your voice nearly drowned out by the wind. Your mouth felt so dry, and your hands were sweaty as you wiped them against your jeans.

Bob fully frowned at that. “Guys should be lined up out the door to talk to you,” he said softly, his voice serious.

“That’s sweet of you to say,” you murmured, staring down at the table instead of meeting his eyes.

“I’m not just saying it,” Bob insisted, his tone so urgent that it actually caused you to lift your head up to look at him. “You’re sweet and kind and funny and smart and so beautiful. Guys would have to be insane not to want to talk to you. I’m honestly shocked you’re out here talking to me of all people.”

“Don’t say that,” you begged him, your heart hurting to think that other women didn’t appreciate the wonderful man sitting before you.

“I know that I’m not like my friends,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck as he blushed furiously. “I know I’m not the kind of guy that girls want to talk to. So I know what it’s like to feel like you could just disappear in a place like this and nobody would notice. I hate that you feel that way, too.”

Your breath caught in your throat at his words. You had never met anyone before who seemed to know your thoughts so clearly, who could read your mind and understand everything you were feeling.

“Bob,” you breathed out, reaching across the table and clasping one of his hands between both of yours. “I think you’re a terrific guy. And the girls who can’t see that? It’s their loss.”

He smiled at that, his gaze fixed on your face as he rested his free hand over yours, brushing your knuckles with his thumb. “I’m really glad you didn’t leave.”

“I’m really glad you asked me to stay.”

He said nothing in response, just held your hand tighter as his blue eyes bore into yours, as if he was reading the very depths of your soul.

The air hung thick with tension as the two of you stared at one another, leaning in closer and closer until your lips had no choice but to meet, his mouth firm, but gentle as it closed over yours.

It was soft and sweet and chaste, but when the two of you pulled back, you were both stammering and blushing like a couple of schoolchildren.

The stillness of the moment was broken a moment later when your friends shoved open the door and spilled out onto the back patio.

“There you are!” Renee exclaimed, hands on her hips as she did her best impression of your mother. “You had us scared half to death!”

“I told you she was fine,” Shawna insisted, rolling her eyes and mouthing ‘Sorry!’ to you.

“See? Nothing to be worried about,” Kelsey added. “She’s with…” She let her sentence trail off, shooting you a look to make quick introductions.

“Um, Bob! This is Bob,” you quickly supplied, squeezing his hand and shooting him an apologetic look.

“She’s with Bob!” Kelsey said, poking Renee in the side.

“Floyd, there you are! We were wondering where the hell you got off to,” Hangman said, joining your group and wrapping an arm around Renee’s waist.

“I guess they did notice we disappeared after all,” you whispered to Bob with a knowing smile.

“Of course we did!” Kelsey butted in, smiling when Rooster stepped up behind her and slipped his hand into hers.

“We were all going to head back to my place for a midnight swim,” Shawna explained, beaming up at Coyote. Your friend’s apartment complex was the only one that had a pool, and her landlord was cool enough to allow residents to use it whenever they wanted, so long as they were mindful of the noise. “Invite your friend!”

Your cheeks grew warm as everyone stared at you expectantly. “Um, Bob, would you like to come swimming with us?”

“I’d love to,” Bob grinned, his eyes fixed on you and only you.

Your friends clapped and cheered, which made your cheeks grow all the hotter.

“C’mon, let’s go close our tabs. Jake’s paying for the Ubers,” Renee smirked, patting the blonde’s chest as she gazed up at him.

“Aww, thanks, Jake,” Coyote grinned, smacking his friend on the shoulder as he and Shawna headed back inside.

“Owe you one, man,” Rooster nodded, leading Kelsey back into the bar.

“Hey, wait a second—”

“That’s what you get for losing two rounds of pool,” Renee teased, planting a kiss on his cheek before dragging him back inside.

Once you and Bob were left alone in the blessed silence once more, you looked at each other and couldn’t help but crack up laughing.

“I think your friends have really met their matches in my friends,” you told him playfully, gathering your things and rising from the picnic table.

“I think so,” Bob nodded, rising as well. “But I think I really met my match in you.”

Smiling, you slipped your hand into his and beamed up at him. “I couldn’t agree more.”

And as you walked out of The Hard Deck hand-in-hand with Bob, catching the victorious looks and playful winks your friends were shooting your way, you found yourself very grateful for all the times it had never worked out for you before this. Because you were certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that Bob Floyd had been worth waiting for.

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

🤕 What’s the dumbest way they’ve been injured?

For any of the superpowered kids ;)

(Also, idk if there's any sort of timestamp on asks, but if there is, you didn't see nothing)

I do not see a timestamp but it's ok I have terrible sleep habits too

Thanks for the ask! (From this OC explorations ask game)

🤕 What’s the dumbest way they’ve been injured?

I like questions like these because most of them is me improvising and making it canon.

Lexi - For some reason what popped into my head was her jumping when she saw a spider and dropping a hairdryer on her toe, breaking the toe or the nail

Maddie - I feel like she broke her leg trying to climb a tree

Ash - Going with chipped a tooth when prying her locker open

Gwen - I feel like she heard her cat throwing up and jumped out of bed and slipped on the throw rug and hit her head

Noelle - I feel like while she was first learning how to cook she dropped something hot, then tried to catch it midair, which of course burned her hands. Regardless of if this was before or after her telekinesis developed, I bet she wishes she could've caught it with her powers in hindsight.

Rose - I'm feeling tossed something heavy like her art tablet or a textbook onto her bed and it bounced off and landed on her foot

Kelsey - I dunno for some reason I'm imagining her being close to missing the bus one day, likely dealing with her younger cousins, slipping, and faceplanting the concrete

Robbie - I already know he broke his arm running on the playground and slipping off a ramp and breaking it on the ramp.

Akash - Flew up too high and hit his head on the ceiling

Bonus Guys, most likely to get hurt doing something stupid:

George - Technically not a kid, but no he definitely ran full speed at a wall at some point

Liam - also 18, but does it count if he got punched for being argumentative over whether the floor of a second story or a landing counts as a step?

Jazlyn - You'd think it would be burned herself, but I feel like she tried to pick up Ewan and then she strained something

Parker - Literally anything he does oh my God probably sticking his hand down a disposal just to see what would happen knowing Wade would heal it

Not a superpowered kid, but Carmen has definitely broken her hand punching a wall.

This may have been a little long but this was a lot of fun! Thanks for stopping by! (Hope you have a bitchin' day)

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites @nebula--nix

[americanrecord]

Good morning, Kelsey!! How was yesterday? I hope today is lovely!!

good morning, ashley! happy wednesday!!

i’m good! there’s snow literally everywhere, and i love it <3 yesterday was a rollercoaster! my cousin’s baby was born for real like right before 10 & my cousin had to have a last-minute c-section because he was so large !! (her husband clears like 6’4 so), but we still don’t know the name 😭 it’s just not…hank. other than that, i just did some proof-reading for that indie press and actually found that they were going to send a book to print with a whole paragraph and a half missing from the original text (it was a 130th anniversary re-release), so that was cool!! and also i obviously got a new permit…because i lost my other one.

today, just job-searching! i’m gonna try to see if i can nail down more formal details about a potential internship, but nothing too exciting beyond that.

how are you? how was yesterday? i hope today is great!!! 🩷

[zackmartin]

What do you think are the chances danger force will have bose be confirmed canonically lgbt? Like sure he made a few remarks but im talking like a episode where he comes out or crushes on a dude or he says "I'm not straight"

"an episode where he crushes on a dude" You...You saw Chapa's Crush right??? I'm not trying to sound snappy or anything, but having him visibly drool over a guy while he stares at him in slow motion with a song playing in the background where the lyrics very literally were "I like you" feels......pretty blatant in my eyes. (but you also have to understand that I grew up with like, high school musical, where Disney was so adamant about not allowing Kenny Ortega to confirm that Ryan was gay that they got downright spiteful and forced a romance between him and Kelsey just to be extra certain that it wasn't ambiguous and the audience couldn't draw their own conclusion) (I mean, we all knew anyway, but still) (and they're still doing this shit today, like the BS they pulled with the Owl House)

So something like what happened in Chapa's Crush honestly still feels like,,,,absolutely crazy to me in the best way. Straight up that just would NOT have happened in the shows I watched growing up.

With that said, I very much understand the want (and need, really) for him to say out loud at the very least that he isn't straight, but to be honest, I really don't think I'm the best person to ask when it comes to whether I think Nick will let it be confirmed or not. Because like I said, having any LGBT representation on a kids' network was pretty inconceivable for me growing up, and I've been burned enough times that I'm pretty much of the mind of just taking my scraps where I can get them, forming my own headcanons and running with them, and saying "screw canon".

It does feel like Danger Force is trying to do better (because of people on the cast and crew like Michael D. Cohen fighting tooth and nail to get this stuff into these shows) what with having a confirmed trans character and actually having them explain out loud what transgender means, but I also think there's a difference between having one character in one episode (not to diminish the importance of them being there at all, of course. It was an important step forward and I will always celebrate that) and having one of your main characters in one of your most popular live action franchises actually coming out. Basically this is just my really long-winded way of saying I really don't know if Nick is brave enough to take that leap yet; hopefully they are, but I won't hold my breath for it.

[scottiedeux]

Fic Rec Friday 7/29

WHOOPS

Had a bit of a haitus there. Moved house and things got a *tad* bit stressful there. But fear not - I kept reading fanfic and found some lovely additions to the bookmarks list! -----

Coming at you from my Ao3 Bookmarks List (Ao3 handle Scottie2) - It's Fic Rec Friday!

Read about the logic behind Fic Rec Friday here or check out the Master list of Past Fic Recs and catch up on what you've missed.

Last post we had a funny one-shot, time to bring us back to the ground with an ANGSTY MULTICHAPTER 😈😈😈

Fic Name: even when we're going under by KelseyO

Ao3 Summary:

She closes her eyes again, inhales slowly, and exhales even slower. (Vi is here, Vi is real, Vi is safe.) Opens her eyes. Nods. The hand on her mouth eases its pressure, then pivots (Vi’s thumb brushes along her bottom lip), and now rests against Caitlyn’s cheek as she catches her breath. “Vi,” she whispers once she finds her voice again, “I’m so—”

“I have nightmares about her, too,” Vi interrupts, and Caitlyn hates that the room is too dim to see her face. “Just a different kind.”

How many times can Caitlyn’s heart shatter for the same person?

(Another post-finale / Act III take. Title from "Bring You Back" by Gold Brother. Four parts, apparently.)

Keep reading for my gushing about this fic and Ao3 tags/details

Why this fic:

I don't know if there is a name for this type of fic - but if I had to come up with one I'd call it a 'heartbeat' style fic. Meaning - the moments between the characters are slowed down with the writing showing real time feelings and emotions to every beat of the conversation/moment. Like playing back a video feed of something at half the speed so you can catch all the minor details.

Author KelseyO nails this style and its just sweet romantic moments of Vi and Caitlyn connecting and falling for one another in the eye of the hurricane moments of immediate post canon Season 1. I mean, some rough stuff goes down, but the love thats rapidly developing between these two is *chefs kiss*. I appreciate at the same time the raw nitty gritty of the author's post canon take!

Take a look, you won't be disappointed.

More by this Author:

KelseyO has written multiple fic in the fandom and we are BLESSED for it. Check out their other works and give em lots of kudos and comments!

Ao3 Details:

Chapters: 5/5 Fandom: Arcane: League of Legends (Cartoon 2021) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Caitlyn/Vi (League of Legends), Jinx & Vi (League of Legends) Characters: Caitlyn (League of Legends), Vi (League of Legends) Additional Tags: y'all i wrote two fics in one week and STILL had to be a thirsty ho in dash's inbox, me: please give me something to write. literally anything, dash: caitlyn nightmares!, we: scream at each other for 14 consecutive days about these stupid soft sapphics, it's fine i'm sure this will all be okay, dash sure is thriving as i continue to make her faves miserable, Spoilers for Arcane: League of Legends Season 01, lots of mentions and discussions of jinx but she will not make any appearances, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Grief/Mourning, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Serious Injuries, they make out. i wrote that scene on my phone on the bus. everyone say thank you kelsey, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Vomiting, Anxiety Attacks, References to Drugs, Detox, Mild Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Hallucinations, Fluff and Smut, (really only half a smut okay), Explicit Consent, First Time, Sex Toys, (tag inclusion does not signify tag importance), ace-friendly smut, let's make that tag a thing shall we, Intimacy, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, top surgery vi

[pluviophile-bookworm]

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series: The Rewatch pt. 1

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series: The Rewatch pt. 1

I realised earlier today that I have nearly no memory of season 1, so I thought it necessary to fix that. And since I'm obviously not going to get any work done today, here we are!

Now, I did post my thoughts on episodes 1 and 2 way back when they were new, but I will still be commenting briefly on them from my present perspective - it might even be interesting to compare my thoughts then with my thoughts now.

Ok, now, without further ado, it's time to dive into season 1 of HSMTMTS! (Gosh, I'm excited like it's my first time watching!)

1x1: I think I kinda... remember why I had the opinions I had way back when

Wait... were those Ricky and Big Red bumping into Miss Jenn on their way in? I never noticed that the first time... then again, I didn't know them the first time. This is exactly what rewatching is for.

And here we go again... well, I guess, here we go for the first time — Ricky is totally ignoring the amazing friend he has because he's obsessing over Nini. Will he ever learn? Anyway, from a writer's point of view (not that I am really a writer), this is a really good Establishing Character Moment for Ricky.

And here goes the Rini awkwardness... why did I ship them again? I genuinely don't remember.

'Did I talk about Nini the entire time? Absolutely!' — I mean, it's like you don't have a personality beyond her, Rick. Get a grip!

This rewatch is making me realise the superiority of the season 2 soundtrack... putting things into perspective, I guess.

Listen, I was all for Kourtney 'dismantling the patriarchy', but, first of all, she didn't really do much dismantling in retrospect, and second of all, she has no right to talk to my boy Reddy like that! No one has.

I still don't get Carlos' thing about the HSM sequels. I mean, I heard it was supposed to be a joke about how they don't really take place at East High, but... in-universe, what are his reasons? I mean, I think, nay, I know he would have loved I Don't Dance.

Also re: Carlos, I can totally relate to the fact that he basically attached himself to Miss Jenn's side because he had no friends and she gets him... I was like that in most of my school days, including an embarrassingly long period in my last year at school. It's sad in retrospect, but back then I was having the best time.

'Is there somewhere you're supposed to be?' — 'Broadway.' — this was the moment I knew I would be a Carlos stan. Even if I'm feeling kind of conflicted about it now, in light of his recent actions...

I mean, you'd forgive me if during Nini, EJ and Kourtney's conversation I was paying attention only to Seb and Natalie in the back, right? Because that's what I was doing.

I can't with Ricky! Like, Big Red is literally discussing Ricky's problem, not even bothering to try talking about himself this time, and Ricky is still snapping at him. Like, we get it, you've got issues... but it's not Reddy's fault! It's just weird... there's something that draws me to Ricky (guess it's the relatable fact that he's got issues and he talks about himself all the time — though please tell me I'm not quite like this), and yet if I were rooting for him right now, I'd have to be doing Big Red very dirty. He's done nothing to deserve being ignored like this.

'The one person I go to for advice'... oh please, Ricky! If there were just one person you go to, then who is sitting beside you and listening to you moan and sigh right now? Gosh, I feel bad admitting it, but I hadn't really given Big Red much thought until 1x3 — and now I can't stop thinking about him. Guess the writing wants us to forget there are characters other than Nini and Ricky and maybe EJ at this point.

'But we hate musicals' — forgive me, Reddy, but I've got to laugh here. You? Hate musicals? Try again, dearie. I mean, look at me — back when I was watching this for the first time, I wouldn't have given Big Red a second thought (because the script didn't really seem to want me to) — and now he's literally one half of my patronus visualisation, quite literally helping me survive and stay sane (or as sane as I can be). This is what rewatches are for.

The way Big Red words the plot of HSM... it makes me feel like he's hinting at Ricky and himself and Nini. Gosh, the poor boy is just trying to make himself heard without being pushy about it... maybe he should be a little pushy.

I just realised that neither Ashlyn nor Gina has been given the slightest amount of focus yet... they do not deserve to be ignored. Shine a bloomin' spotlight on them, please and thank you!

We've got to appreciate Gina's character development, though. S1 Gina would have chewed Lily up alive. I kind of wish we could have seen something like that, but... I love Gina 2.0.

Ahhhh it's Ashlyn time! You know, I didn't want to slip into personal stories too much in this post, but... the way Miss Jenn seemed to stare into her soul just reminded me of my favourite uni exam I've ever sat. So, personal story time, I guess: It was my first semester and the exam was one of only two oral ones we had (fortunately; I hate, hate, hate oral exams); it was in British Modernist literature and each of us would be given a work to talk about. I was really nervous because I hadn't had time to read up on everything we'd covered, so you can imagine my relief when, as soon as I walked into the exam room and my favourite prof ever just kind of... looked me in the eyes and, much like a Sorting Hat, as if reading my thoughts, said 'Lord of the Flies'. Now, you don't know this about me, but that is literally my favourite book we did that semester. I was in my element. I absolutely aced that exam. In the other oral, Literary theory, I didn't do nearly as well. So yeah, end of personal story. The point is, I don't know what Miss Jenn did just then, but she totally nailed Ash's casting!

Also, I just noticed that, when asked about playing the piano, she was like 'I dabble.' I remember her saying that about something in early s2, though for the love of all gods I can't remember the context of that. And, well, does she ever dabble — in everything!

Ok, but Nini would have made a very fine Kelsey, all things considered. Just saying.

I said it back then, and I'll say it now — I love EJ, but he's way too polished and technical to be Troy. Ricky, on the other hand, didn't even need to act — he was being Troy at that moment. Too bad the same method did not work for the Beast... and yet he still got the part somehow. Oh well, he's still got time to get a grip on himself and deliver. I hope and pray he does.

'Troy would have arrived on time' — ermmm, Carlito? Did you and I watch the same HSM, cos I don't think we did. Troy literally rushes in after Mrs Darbus says auditions are closed. And then he gets the lead. So I'd say that was pretty in-character on Ricky's part. Idk, maybe you need to watch the movie again? 38th time's the charm, or something...

Miss Jenn needs to stop spilling her coffee all over the place.

Ricky's audition speech is so emotional, it makes me laugh instead of cry. Go figure.

And I just remembered why I loved Ricky. It was because of this scene. Like, you can really peek into his soul. If I were Nini, I would have got back together with him right then and there. Hey, I just realised why I was a Rini shipper. It all boils down to Ricky's audition, I guess.

'She thinks I'm a Chad?' — Iconic. Absolutely iconic. But why did I just have a vision of Seb going like, 'She thinks I'm a Chip?'... yeah, I will not shut up about this.

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #481

Top Ten Pixar Villains

Those rascals and rapscallions at Pixar are famous for twisting our emotions, aren’t they? Perverse masters at making us cry with sadness or joy, often at the same time (I’m looking at you, Inside Out, with your yellow and blue marbles). Oh yes, they’ll stick the knife in and give it a good old yank, like John Travolta teaches his daughter to do in Face/Off when he’s not really John Travolta and it’s a bit icky but then she stabs him at the end of the film so it’s alright really.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. Pixar, renowned for turning grown men into blubbering messes, mostly because an adult character was convinced to part with old toys he no longer plays with. But I’d argue that one thing they’ve done less well than their parent studio (that’s Disney) is crafting iconic baddies. I mean, we all know the Disney Villains; they’re so iconic and successful as pop culture icons that there’s an entire trilogy of movies based on what would happen if a bunch of them had kids (apparently they’d sing a lot). Pixar baddies though? Hmmm, maybe not quite so iconic. I can’t see someone making a live action prequel movie about Chef Skinner.

But that’s not to say they’re not great; in fact, rather than going down the route of snarling, moustache-twirling villainy, Pixar actually does a great job in creating antagonists instead. Sometimes they’re misunderstood; sometimes they’re not the person you thought they were! Quite often some kind of redemption is offered, and the villains are very, very rarely dropped off something tall. A lot of them aren’t even defeated, so to speak! A good deal of nuance and shade goes into a Pixar villain, and if they haven’t made as many all-time-great iconic ne’er-do-wells, it does seem as if their approach is starting to rub off on Disney mothership (the likes of Frozen II and Moana either don’t have, or at least subvert, the notion of all-powerful bad guys).

So what do we have? Well, hopefully, we’ve got a list of really cool villains from Pixar movies. most of them are presented as the film’s “big bad”, although there are a couple of lesser baddies. And I think we do see the pattern emerging, of more mundane levels of villainy; the selfish and greedy and damaged. It makes for great characterisation and some beautiful storytelling; some complex and pitiable characters. And, yes, a few absolute bastards too. Let’s tut disapprovingly.

Lots-o’-Huggin’ Bear (Ned Beatty, Toy Story 3, 2010): a superb performance from Beatty as a seemingly nice, jovial old bear who’s really a manipulative, power-hungry, gaslighting bully. Realistically portrayed as damaged and bitter, he has a tragic backstory that feels real, and a sense of pain and loss that feels earned in this universe. Questions the nature of everything the movies are about, and is a genuine threat in more ways than one. Plus he literally leaves them all to die in the furnace!

Syndrome (Jason Lee, The Incredibles, 2004): Buddy Pine’s backstory is one of belittlement and rejection, so his switch to villainy is as well explored as many a comic book bad guy. But he’s interesting partly in what his character says about Mr. Incredible – in a way justifying the criticisms of superheroes, as Mr. I does ignore the admittedly-annoying Buddy rather than mentoring or respecting him – but also because he prefigures notions of toxic masculinity about a decade or so before they became, well, a threat to global democracy.

Al (Wayne Knight, Toy Story 2, 1999): Like how Lots-o can be seen as a dark examination of toy life (all toys are replaceable, kids don’t really love you, etc), Al also shows us another dark facet of toy-dom: namely the life of a “collectable”. Toys, in this world, want to be played with, preferably by children, so a big ol’ man-child who stores them in boxes or puts them on display is not ideal. It’s an inversion of what a toy is for; an object of joy reduced to a commodity. Is it entertainment versus art? Who can say? Also, he’s really just a massive jerk and a huge slob, so we feel no pity for him once he gets his comeuppance at the end of the film.

Sid Phillips (Erik von Detten, Toy Story, 1995): man, they nailed the Toy Story villains, didn’t they? Maybe there’s even more to come! But right out of the gate, Sid was a classic. An utter sadist in a skull t-shirt, torturing toys for kicks; adults can see the traits of a genuine sociopath (some serial killers start by torturing animals, remember!), and he’s portrayed like a character in a horror movie. Seriously, in 1995, Sid’s room was legitimately disturbing. I’m not sure what moral lessons his actions teach us, but just as a pure article of terror, he’s supreme.

Hopper (Kevin Spacey, A Bug’s Life, 1998): it feels a bit weird, if I’m honest, to celebrate a Spacey performance. But as a character, Hopper is excellent, one of the best things about the generally-overlooked-but-still-a-bit-lesser-Pixar Bug’s Life. Riffing on biker gangs, Hopper’s locust swarm in, revving their wings. Hopper’s a classic tough guy thug, dominating through violence and threat; a creature with a small amount of power determined to hold onto it, and ultimately eaten by a terrifying bird. Just don’t look at the cast list.

Ernesto de la Cruz (Benjamin Bratt, Coco, 2017): after the horror of Sid and the thuggery of Hopper, de la Cruz is a different, more insidious villain. He’s a thief and a betrayer who exploited and murdered his best friend, condemning him not just to death but to a forgotten obsolescence in the afterlife. He’s a perfect example of the gaslighting, friendly-seeming bad guy, more in the mould of Lots-o, but with the world on his side and a sweet guitar. Genuinely hissable.

Stinky Pete (Kelsey Grammar, Toy Story 2, 1999): what, more Toy Story? Well, yeah. Don’t blame me, blame Pixar. And so Stinky Pete; a far more relatable and understandable villain, one driven to desperation through a lifetime of rejection and broken promises. Unlike the Machiavellian, power-hungry Lots-o, Pete just wants everyone to retire quietly together; he can’t accept the risks of freedom and only becomes sneaky and, indeed, violent after all else fails. But he does kinda get a happy ending, even if he doesn’t realise it; this is a villain who I feel could eventually be redeemed.

Randall Boggs (Steve Buscemi, Monsters, Inc., 2001): Waternoose is the real baddy in Monsters, Inc., of course; a conniving capitalist who’s prepared to sacrifice the world’s children to keep his monopoly. But it’s Randy who sticks in the mind; his selfish, vain lackey, a monster with a huge chip on his shoulder. His design – lizard-like, snake-ish, with a huge mouth and invisibility – is seriously disturbing. Hearing Buscemi’s voice come from that form – an aggravated teacher, a furious accountant – adds something special, something darkly hilarious.

Evelyn Deavor (Catherine Keener, Incredibles 2, 2018): visually and conceptually, The Screenslaver (great name) is pretty cool, but when it’s revealed that the Big Bad is really under-appreciated tech genius Evelyn, that’s a great twist. A smart woman propping up her schmoozing brother, her criticisms of the heroes – like Buddy Pine’s – have resonance, although she’s learning the wrong lessons from tragedy. Her relationship with Elastigirl, from friendship to enmity, is very well-written and performed, and her belligerence at the end is a nice touch, denying the heroes of any catharsis from her capture.

Shelby Forthright (Fred Willard, WALL-E, 2008): I was originally going to feature the autopilot, but then I figured, if you can get Fred Willard in your list… and really, who’s the big villain here? It’s us, right? We killed the Earth. But Willard’s smiling, happy CEO is there, encouraging his customers to buy, promising them safety and security, promising them a repaired world… but really he’s shovelling them off the planet, secretly commanding the computer to take humanity far away and never look back. It’s a devious, horrible plan, giving the people unending luxury, making them want for nothing, turning them into fab, soporific blobs, basically because that’s easier than the alternative. It’s a horrible indictment of humanity (also: he’s the CEO of a company, but also – it looks like – that makes him rule the world? Creepy). So, yeah, the autopilot might be a baddun, but it’s the man in charge who’s the real villain of the piece, even hundreds of years later.

Sadly no room for John Lasseter, who may not have tried to enslave humanity or torture children, but still managed to be a huge jerk and a phenomenal disappointment.

[maxbernini]

oh and top 10 favourite things about skam austin :0!

hiii i’m going to answer the first part when it’s not 4:30am 😭 but ty for sending both of these!! in no particular order:

1. the decision to make their isak a black lesbian is one of the best if not THE best skamverse creative choices i will die on this hill. i consider austin s3 to be my fave isak season even tho we’ve never seen it lol, just on concept alone

2. i think they set up so many interesting potential dynamics and storylines for s3

3. and then the dynamics we did get to see are just so interesting like there’s so many new layers with eskild/isak when they’re both lesbians (terrible casting aside). same with jonas/isak/eva + jonas/isak/whoever tyler was supposed to be

4. speaking of dynamics: the jo and grace scene where they discuss kelsey deserves its own point lmao, literally SO good. a noora not escaping accountability for how she hurt the vilde?? but jo still acknowledging that she IS there for grace, yet she hasn’t forgiven her yet?? LAYERRRS! i love friendship

5. yet again dynamics: tyler and grace was such an interesting plot, and the last shot of s2 will be forever iconic. both of austin’s final scenes are so good at like, tying up loose bows whilst still unwrapping the gift shsjsks like the shay reveal explains so much AND changes so much going forward, as does the green nail reveal

6. speaking of shots: the cinematography!! i mean they had the same cinematographer as og skam lmao, and it definitely has that grounded in reality feel to me, whilst still being fun and bright and pretty. the concert scene in s2 is so pretty, the glowy pink is 💗💗

7. just that they did have concerts bc cfgc did release real music + music videos. and that the cast wrote the lyrics themselves!!

8. which brings me to how real it felt. i think everyone calls it cringy bc it’s the only english remake so you’re forced to confront how cringy some of the og stuff was now that it’s in a language you recognise 🤪 and tbh even if austin was cringy it’s like...there’s a difference between fun campy cringy and “liv in the wedding dress” cringe, and i think austin more often than not fell into the former. also there’s smth endearingly american teen about it too like i think it’s with zoya and abby? but the scene where they’re arguing with their airpods in lmaooo, i love it

9. i usually hate the whole “the vilde thinks the noora is a lesbian” plot bc it always leads to lesbophobia but kelsey joining the GSA “as an ally” to support grace is so funny. i’m not american but i feel like that is smth an american vilde would do!!

10. it’s very easy to view skam austin with rose coloured glasses now that it’s gone, and i don’t think it was flawless, but i will say: it was the remake i related to most (outside of individual characters in eskam + skamfr), so it’ll always have a place in my heart, and i wish it was in more people’s bc literally WHEN did your isak come up with minute break minute by herself in s2 AND use it as her finsta username?? exactly.

[purplesurveys]

1161

 survey by pichu4850

What color do you think of when I say...

Anger? Red, or a really bright red-orange.

Confusion? Gray.

Inspiration? Sky blue. Both word and color give off calming vibes to me.

Shy? Something like an off-white shade, and maybe even pastel pink.

Agony? Olive green was the first color to come to mind, though I have no idea why.

Sleep? Dark blue, like the night sky.

Chipper? Yellow.

Beautiful? Red, the way roses are.

Morning? Light blue or yellow.

Would you rather be named...

Andrea or Aimee? Andrea.

Emily or Erica? Emily. I know an Erycka that I’m not too fond of, so this is an easy pass.

Kelsey or Casey? Casey, though I’d mix up my name a bit and have it be pronounced and spelled as Cassie.

Madeleine or Marina? Eh, not really a fan of either but I’d mos likely go for Madeleine.

Alec or Aaron? Alec.

Ryan or Ross? Not a fan of both names as well though I’d probably go with Ryan, but only as a feminine name.

Dylan or Daniel? Dylan.

Jack or Jordan? I guess Jack, if I have to pick.

Gabriel or Gavin? Gabriel.

How often do you...

Brush your teeth? Once or twice a day.

Eat breakfast? Twice a week, during weekends; though sometimes I’ll end up skipping it for an entire week altogether.

Check your email? I literally never check my personal email anymore after having gotten hired, but I know I should quit that habit and check it every once in a while just in case an intriguing opportunity might come my way. My work email is a different story; I have to use it everyday. I open my emails even during weekends so that when I report to my shift on Monday, my Gmail won’t look as clogged.

Go to the mall? When quarantine protocols loosened up a bit I used to go either on Saturdays or Sundays for some me time as well as some much-needed time away from the house, for the sake of my mental health and sanity. But now that we’re going through another surge in cases, no one’s allowed to go out again and malls are back to just keeping the essential stores open.

Go to the beach? A few times a year, at least before the pandemic. I haven’t been to the beach since 2019.

Play card games? Only happens once in a blue moon, when I get together with friends and someone happens to bring a deck of cards. This isn’t a usual occurrence with any of my friend groups, though.

Have at least 20 minute phone calls? Never. I have 20-minute Google Meet and Zoom calls instead.

Paint your nails? They are never painted.

Wish you were happier? Every now and then.

Did you ever want to be...

A veterinarian? Yes, when I was younger. I once stumbled upon an interview with a horse vet on one of my kid’s almanacs and thought what they did was so cool.

An astronaut? Yup, definitely became a big obsession of mine at one point in my childhood. I still think it would be cool to go to outer space and should the opportunity ever become accessible in my lifetime, I wouldn’t want to miss out on it.

An artist? Not really. I knew from the get go I wasn’t meant to be one.

A school teacher? I would guess yes, but I definitely wasn’t as interested in teaching compared to being an astronaut or like a firefighter.

A housewife? Lmfao yeah. This was the answer I would give when I was like 8 up until I was probably 10 and I knew it stressed out my Asian mother big time. My grandpa got a kick out of it, though.

A firefighter? Yes. This was up there with astronaut.

A princess? Not so much.

A lawyer? I definitely considered law for a brief period, but it was already during my latter college years. There wasn’t enough time to mull over it. But hearing all the law school horror stories from my friends kind of made me relieved I didn’t push through with it; I knew I wasn’t passionate enough about law to want to go through all the hardships that come with law school, so I was fine letting that dream go, and still am.

A doctor? This was never a dream of mine.

Would you consider yourself...

Materialistic? Yes.

Pessimistic? It comes out occasionally, but I don’t think it’s a main trait of mine that people would generally see me as.

Avoidant? Not so much. I can be shy and anxious sometimes but I get over it at some point.

Sarcastic? Only occasionally. I wouldn’t say I speak the language.

Talkative? Definitely not. I hate being in the spotlight, and whenever it’s my turn to share a story or talk in a group I usually have the tendency to rush through it or make it as short as possible so as to return the spotlight on someone else. I’ve always been more of a listener.

Strange? Maybe not strange but weird to an extent?

Intelligent? I guess in some ways.

Lucky? In some ways I am, but I also got handed the short end of the stick in other contexts.

In the next twenty-four hours, will you...

Talk to someone you care about? Probably. I talk to at least one friend a day.

Go to work? Yep, I’ll finally be going back to work since the Holy Week break is over. My workaholic self felt kinda unsettled with all the free time, so I’m actually kinda relieved.

Go to school? I’m not in school anymore.

Be in a different city? Nope, it’ll be working from home for me like usual. We were initially allowed to book visits to the office if we really needed to go there to pack some goodies and stuff, but because of re-heightened Covid protocols our admin has once again prohibited anyone to go there for the meantime.

Read a book? I highly doubt it. I haven’t read any in months.

Watch a movie? Nope. It’ll be a Monday coming from a 4-day break, so it will be incredibly busy tomorrow as there would be a lot to catch up on.

Go to a dentist/orthodontist appointment? No, I won’t.

Do your laundry? My parents probably will seeing as our hamper was nearly full the last time I checked.

True or False: Family...

I have two brothers or more. I only have one brother.

My mom lives with me. This is technically true but isn’t phrased right in my case. I’m currently living with my parents.

My grandparent(s) live with me. No, we moved out of our duplex (where I did use to live with my grandparents) well over a decade ago.

I have half-siblings. Don’t have any.

I am the oldest in my family. Eldest child, that is.

I am an only child. I have two other siblings.

I have 15 cousins I can name off the top of my head. Easily. My first cousins are less than 15 in total, but I know a good number of my second and third cousins as well so this is a cakewalk.

The nearest Aunt or Uncle lives less than an hour away from me. The aforementioned duplex we moved out of is just at the next village; we didn’t move too far so that we can continue visiting them.

True or False: Food...

I am allergic to chocolate. I’m not, fortunately. I’m not crazy about chocolate but I’d be pretty miserable if I could never have it either.

I like vegetables more than fruit. Infinitely more, hahaha. I hate fruits.

I have tried pizza dipped in ranch sauce. Ranch isn’t a very common dressing where I’m from, so it’s not usually offered in restaurants. Given the chance, though, I’d definitely try my pizza with ranch at least once.

I've never eaten kiwi fruit. True, but then again I’ve never eaten most fruits and don’t plan to.

I love junk food.

I love to try new food.

Ketchup goes best with fries (chips). I don’t like ketchup and barely put it on anything.

I like fried rice. I haven’t met an Asian who doesn’t like fried rice.

I can prepare dinner for myself (using a stove or oven).

I hate sushi.

How many...

Pairs of shoes do you have? A little over 10, maybe? I don’t feel like counting in my head rn.

Songs do you have on your music player? I don’t have a music player anymore.

Hours of sleep did you get last night? Around 4.

Times have you had alcohol? Like, ever since I started drinking when I was 18? I never kept track lmao but if I would guess, maybe around 50-60 times? I’m not a regular drinker; I drink probably once or twice a month at most.

Books have you read/started reading in the past month? None.

Windows in your house/apartment are open? I know my parents and sister have their windows open at the moment, so that’s 2. Mine are usually open as well, but I’ve turned on my aircon so I’ve closed them for the night.

Pets do you have? 2.

Kids do you have/want to have? I’d cut it off a a maximum of 3 kids, but having just 1 would already be so nice.

Minutes does it take to get from your home to school or work? I work from home, but in the two times I went to the actual office it took anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour.

Have you ever...

Spilled a cup of grape juice on the carpet? I don’t think I’ve ever even encountered grape juice in my entire life.

Played spin the bottle? I don’t think I’ve ever played this. My friends and I usually resort to truth or dare.

Played Twister? Yes, and there are many fond memories that come with it as well. So when I was 7 years old I befriended Katreen, and her mom and mine hit it off instantly so they started this arrangement where every Friday, her mom picked me and my sister up from school along with Katreen and her sisters, and we’d stay for several hours at their place until my mom would pick us up. Her mom was an amazing host and every week we’d play Twister, watch Pokemon, read books together, etc; anything to keep us comfortable and entertained.

Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to be doing? It’s bound to happen every now and then.

Walked out of a movie because it was horrible? I’ve gotten this feeling a few times but I always stayed in my seat because I paid for the damn ticket.

Given the finger to someone on the street? Oh most definitely, as well as drivers passing by. And it’s always been towards men that are being disgusting pigs.

Been so sad/angry that you started laughing? Sure.

Been in a wedding? Yes, but I only got invited as a kid since I was usually picked to be one of the flower girls. I haven’t been to a family wedding since 2007.

Been in a situation where you almost died? Probably not died but almost substantially injured, sure.

Misc...

Are you stressing out about anything right now? Just worried about the deluge of tasks that will inevitably come at me tomorrow but knowing how easygoing my bosses are, I know I’ll be able to ease up soon enough.

Do you think before acting or act before thinking? I used to be the latter but I now see the importance of first considering possible consequences of or how others would be affected by my actions.

Do you act upon your emotions and instinct, or logic and reasoning? Again, I used to be one of these, this time the former. Now that I’m at a much more stable and peaceful place in my life I try not to let my emotions get the best of me.

What are some personality traits you find appealing in a potential partner? I had a number of negative experiences in my last relationship so forgive me for scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to my expectations lmaaaao – I’d love for someone to be sensitive to my needs and feelings, and for them to be able to own up to their mistakes or hurtful habits and know how to apologize and be open to changing if it’s for their self-improvement.

How have you changed as a person in the last 5 years? I tolerate less bullshit now. I think I’ve also grown to be happier and a lot more stable, emotionally. I also have a better sense of what I want out of life and where I want to be, and I’ve also learned to be more sociable and open up to people.

If you could do anything you wanted right this moment, what would it be? Order sushi :(

Is there anyone you can totally relax and be yourself around? Yes, that’s what my friends are for. If I can’t feel comfortable around my friends, I’d view that as a problem.

Did you ever wanted to say something to someone, didn't, and regretted it? No.

Are you scared about the future? I’m scared of the idea of not meeting some of my goals, like having a family; but I’m also excited about what the future could bring me.

[unfortunately-inlove]

What would I say if I reached out to you?

I don’t, because I’m scared that it will cause you undue distress or it will crush me into a million pieces again if you react with hostility. And I think waiting for you to see the message and answer it (or not answer it) would give me a stroke tbh. But if I did, what would I say? Would I keep it short and to the point?

“Dear (redacted), please don’t feel pressured to respond to this message if you don’t want to. I don’t want to cause you distress and if hearing from me is upsetting, you don’t need to reply. If you don’t answer I won’t reach out again. I just wanted to say that I think of you often. I wish that we were at peace with each other and that we could simply live on the social media edges of each other’s lives. I hope you love the life you have now. I hope you’re able to remember most of our memories fondly. Be well.”

Or would I tell her everything in one, huge message?

“Hey, it’s me. Don’t feel pressured to respond if you don’t want to. If you don’t answer I won’t reach out again.

I wanted you to know that I think about you often. And I’ve thought a lot about talking to you, but I haven’t up til now because I didn’t want to cause undue pain or distress. I did unblock you on everything just in case you ever wanted to talk to me, though.

I want you to know that I am still so sorry for what I did. I shouldn’t have told Austin. There’s no excuse I can give that ever would make it okay. You know it was never my intention to out you to your father or to school though, and I never wanted to harm you. I was overcome with emotion at the time because I was concerned for your soul because you were becoming wiccan. And Austin saw me crying and he and James and I took a walk, and it came out as one of the reasons I was worried.

I only say all of that as an explanation but not an excuse. I’m older, and less of an idiot, and have more self control. We were both subject to a certain level of religious indoctrination and intolerance and that heavily influenced my actions, of course. But I wasn’t a kid, I was 17 and I shouldn’t have said anything that wasn’t mine to say. Regardless of the beliefs pumped into me from school (and other influences, of course.) Again, just an explanation of my actions but not an excuse. I wish that James had talked to me first before he told you what I did so I could have told you myself instead. I wonder if that would have changed anything, though.

But it took me a long time to realize that that event was just the final nail in the coffin of our friendship, I think. There were a lot of things that I didn’t even remember had happened until we weren’t friends anymore.

You kissed me. New Year’s Eve. Did you have a crush on me? Or did you just kiss me to kiss a woman? You had me and Julianne watch porn with you, on your porch when we were kids. I saw a woman put a lightbulb in her vagina. Your physical boundaries with me were odd, and I never realized it because I loved you and didn’t think anything negative of you. You had me spoon you, when you were cold. Was that platonic?

Towards the end of our friendship (the last year or so) I always got the vibe that you thought I was stupid, or at least not as intelligent as you. I remember confronting you about it once on the phone, and you apologizing and saying it was “a part of you that you didn’t like.” The funny thing is, I actually can’t remember a single instance of you talking down to me. But I remember talking to you about those instances on the phone, so I know they happened. This is how I found out that my brain represses memories that make me upset. That’s why I didn’t talk to you about most of these things; I forgot that they happened. I literally forgot that you kissed me. You were my first kiss, technically.

The things that happened after we split caused me to basically want to kill myself 24/7. You dating Austin when you knew that I loved him. I thought you did it to spite me. Did you really like him? I cried in the school bathroom for hours when he asked you to prom with cooked he had decorated himself.

I also saw the text your mom sent you, on the bus ride to kings island for our senior trip. The one where she told you to ditch me at the trip with a laughing emoji. That really broke my heart. Your mom was like family to me. Did you tell her the truth of what happened? Did her opinion of me change so intensely because of the truth or did you tell her something else?

Talking to your dad in the parking lot before our senior prom. He called me Miss Claire, as he always did, said long time no see, and asked me about my new car. I told him I bought it for 400 dollars from a friend, and he was shook and said that’s what he paid for his first car back when dinosaurs still roamed the earth. Did you tell him we weren’t friends anymore? Did he know?

Honestly, I feel a little bit like you experimented on me from childhood into our teens as you were discovering your sexuality. But I did it to you too in a completely different way. You gave me a sexuality crisis for a long time, haha. So it’s a little unnerving because I had completely forgotten it but I can hardly blame you. But as we got older it just felt like you didn’t like me as much anymore or saw me as an equal.

My life is better now. I went to a lot of therapy and stopped wanting to die. I went to college, dropped out of college, and enrolled in cosmetology school. I made new friends and resparked old ones. Honestly the best thing that came out of our relationship exploding was that I reconnected with two of my best friends from grant county and I see them often now. Courtney comes to spend the night at least 3x a month, except when she goes home for the summer. I joined several dnd groups. I met what I’m pretty sure is the love of my life and we’ve been together for almost two years now, and he’s proposing to me on our 2 year anniversary. Copy cat died in august of 2020. I got two kittens named Winter and Tobi Tangerine. I also fixed my relationship with James too, though we’re not as close as we used to be. I got older. I got less stupid. I tried to make less regrets and keep my mouth shut more. I stopped getting involved in other people’s shit and it’s benefitted me greatly.

Speaking of getting involved in other people’s shit, I did kind of lose my mind after we imploded and I did a lot of stuff to people and poked my nose where it didn’t belong. I anonymously texted Maci’s dad to tell him she regularly drove over 90 in a 55 with her feet on the dash and that I was worried for her safety. She found out because I had to ask trace for his dads number and he ratted me out and she was rightfully pissed at me for being a nosy jackass. She also told me and Becca about how bad she wanted to punch Kelsey in the face, so I told Kelsey she said that and they were both mad at me. I don’t think I would have done this stuff normally but I wasn’t in a good frame of mind and thought I was helping when I really was just ruining the friendships I had left. I figured that out later in therapy tho.

I hope you’re doing well at college. I look at you and your moms Facebook page maybe 2x a year or so, and just think about everything all over again. I saw you got a boyfriend a while ago, and I wish I could have heard you excitedly tell me about it. I wish that if our friendship did end, it would have ended peacefully with us just texting each other less and less until we simply coexisted peacefully on the edges of each’s others lives, occasionally liking each other’s Facebook post. Rather than going out in an explosion of bad decisions and bad feelings.

I hope you’re well. I hope you love the life you have now. I hope you’re at peace with who you are. I hope you’ve forgiven me. It’s ok if you haven’t. I just hope you have.”

[valehirvas]

Yep, there it is. Officially diagnosed as BPD. I’d be laughing if I wasn’t having one of those periods in my life where all I want to do is just sleep and not turn on the lights.

Where’s that post talking about how BPD is basically just diagnosing someone with woman like modern hysteria? I’ve been diagnosed with woman, everybody, and it’s right above my transsexuality diagnosis, too:

It’s funny that I went in to get my placeholder diagnosis of psychosis cleared out, but instead of that I had my life-long diagnosis of depression removed and my psychosis still remains “otherwise unspecified”.

I don’t really know what I should be saying or where I should be saying it. Funnily enough this blog seems like the best place to be talking about it. I’m trying to act normal elsewhere. The truth is, I’m not normal, and I am very acutely aware of it as of late.

So, in other great news, I’m losing my clinic contact again. I swap them every year and therefore I never receive any treatment. Trust-based relationship how when I can’t even remember the person’s name I’m supposed to be trusting, they leave me that fucking often. My doctor helpfully offered that it’s because of this particular diagnosis; I guess I’ve been living the whole hell of “nobody wants to treat a bpd patient” for the past 20 years of my life, just secretly, because I didn’t have the fucking diagnosis until yesterday. He also suggested I get therapy and then shrugged it off like “guess you can’t though since it’s 200 bucks a month”. Like, yeah. What do you want me to do, lmfao, roll over and die? Apparently I’m off to another clinic that deals with whatever the alternative to rehabilitating patients is. It sounds like they’re downright giving up on me, but on the other hand the doctor said he was “confident” they can fix me right up at the other place. I don’t... think so? But sure, go ahead and try.

It was funny watching him play darts with pinning symptoms on me, though. I was in a nice mood yesterday (nice as in entirely cooperative and non-argumentative, observant, not to be confused with “happy, cheerful”) and played along, but I could tell he was disappointed that I wasn’t having tumultuous, passionate and doomed relationships left and right. He also really wanted to find out what drugs I’m using, but that’s an old one, I’m used to it. They never quite seem satisfied with the answer of “none”. When I say none, they remind me that weed is a drug too, at which point I offer them caffeine. I do use caffeine, a lot. Daily, even. It’s a measure of how much I like the particular professional I’m dealing with - the good ones laugh. This one just quietly checked off the drugs, I guess, because he didn’t make a note of my recreational use of caffeine.

He was also disappointed in my apparent lack of wide and thick self-harm scars. Too bad it’s 2020, because I’m white as a sheet and you can’t actually see that the entire underside of my arm is scar tissue. The whole thing. There’s no skin, there’s just scar on top of scar. It feels like the skin of a really old person. I hate permanent marks, I have a nose piercing because if I one day decide to take it off, you won’t be able to tell there was a hole in there, so I concentrate all the scars in this already marked place. I hate the little crosses and all the messages I left on my thighs as a teen. I’m not going back there to satisfy a diagnostic checkmark. You’ll have to do with my “scratchmarks”. It’s really as deep as that floppy, shitty safety razor goes. I dug it out of one of those fucking things you shave your legs with. Never used them for anything but this.

What was new, though, was that he really tried to pin my transsexuality on BPD. And you know what? Sure. Let’s go with that. Why not. Let’s explain it somehow. I’m woman so I have dysphoria. I’m bisexual so whatever that one guy said about becoming what you’re attracted to. What’s his face? That man’s theories drive me up the wall with the way they’re detached from my lived reality. Blanchard. That’s the one.

(I could be writing my NaNoWriMo instead of this, but I’m done with burdening my friends and like I said, it’s not like I have a psychology professional I can talk to, so this it is.)

He also noted the tower of flags on my bag. I like that tower, it’s three LGBT flag iron-on patches on the side of the flap. He asked me what they were - he could recognise the rainbow flag, obviously, but the bi and ace ones were a mystery. I told him it’s for the people who know. He asked if I want to tell them I’m trans. No, dunce, if I wanted to tell them I’m trans I’d just have the trans flag on my bag. I don’t, because it’s literally the least important factor of my personality ten years in. If “I don’t fuck people” makes it on my bag but the trans flag doesn’t, I think it’s safe to say I’m trying to signal something else.

I wasn’t expecting anyone to ask, though. I did have an answer, because it’s true; I want people who know to know, and to see that they’re not alone in the room. I’m sometimes a little scared going out with my bag. The flags are very bright and very visible for something so small. But if I can tell one person they’re not alone, that’s worth the risk of getting the sneers.

I was asked if I want people to come up and talk to me. No, I really don’t. It’s honestly just about reminding others like me that the world isn’t that big and scary. That we’re not alien in this society.

But I guess if you’re straight and white you don’t really get that, do you.

Finally, the doctor wanted me to be very unreliable, and went to great lengths to dig at my abuse history to find proof that I don’t reliably attend my appointments. Funnily enough the nurse I’ve been meeting with for the past year (and now won’t be) was very adamantly on my side about how cooperative and reliable I’ve been.

I couldn’t just not think about the diagnosis of woman then. But the truth is, as much as everyone hates self-diagnosers, I diagnosed myself with BPD when Kelsey was still eating me alive from the inside out. The way I love people is not healthy. The way I lose myself in others and become anything but the shell I don’t recognise is not healthy. The way I shift from name to name and can never stand being called one after a while is not healthy. The way I recreate myself like an ouroboric cycle of caterpillar-to-cocoon-to-butterfly-to-cocoon-to-caterpillar-again is not healthy. I don’t have a self. I never have.

Most recently, I spoke on my channel about how I hate the way I show love; it’s like a six years old trying to express an emotion. Look, I drew a picture of you because I love you and think you’re beautiful. I wear my nail polish like you, I even let it wear out like yours had when I saw this colour on you. I found an earring like yours and put it on like you have it. I’m learning the way you speak so I can hear you in my conversations. I want to compliment you every day, even if you don’t ever hear me. And then I get hurt when I’m reasonably enough seen as a fucking creep. I’m 30 years old. My dad kicked me around the house and wanted to kill me. I’m scared of being close to anybody. I only love from a distance because I wouldn’t know how to do it from a closer proximity, and people like me look like stalkers. I don’t stalk, though, I know where I’m unwanted. But I’ll still take the words you’ll write and trace the penmarks on the paper to feel something you once held. It’s the closest to you I’ll ever get. It’s alright, really. I didn’t expect things to change.

And we’re back with Kelsey, aren’t we? Because all of this was fine until he fucked me up. I thought I was okay until he showed me all the ways I’m not. It hurt to love but at least I was loving so strongly - I’ve been told before, nobody does it quite like me. But, but. There it was. That’s how it ended, with me spitting blood on the pavement, metaphorically; physically it ended with me in an MRI machine when they tried to find the blood clots or some damage to my heart and lungs that made me unable to breathe. It was just the weight of everything.

Now you know. It’s good to get all that off my chest. Anyway, I’m cluster b now. Bought my tickets here a long time ago.

[ody3baby]

Okay so I haven't posted my Skam feelings (for any version) before but after watching Skam Austin’s latest clip I HAD to write my feelings on it bc daaaamn.

Now I always love the first dates, but this one I think has to be my favorite. 

-Firstly, Eve saying “You deserve to have a night being treated” or however she said it really got me. And then her going “I’m gonna Dad him up.” lmao Eve I love you!

-Daniel freaking rung the doorbell! And then he talked to Eve about one of her favorite bands, being the perfect date bonding with the “parental’ figure. BUT THEN THOSE HEART EYES HE GAVE GRACE WHEN SHE LITERALLY CAME OUT IN SWEATS (I died of laughter when she changed from that gorgeous Noora outfit to freaking sweats) AND THE WAY HE TOLD HER SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL ASDFGHJKL.

-I always love the car scenes on the date, but this one has a special place in my heart since I recognized some of the places she drove by (pretty sure I rode on the exact same highway but I completely forgot what it’s called). And the Hills playing in the background? PERFECTION. (I would die if someone made a vid with them with that song now).

-HE TOOK HER TO SEE THE BATS!!!! AHHHHH!! Okay, but that is actually one of my dream spots for a date (if I ever visited Austin with a S/O.). And the fact that she loved them just makes it even more perfect. I’ve seen someone else mention this, but the fact that he brought her to a place that he knew she was interested in was just so good.

-HE READS HER ARTICLES. Okay but like I’m such a sucker for that trope and the fact he also actually payed attention to what she wrote and conversed about it really gave me feels. I loved that little conversation. I feel like (along with the rest of this clip) it really showed Daniel and was a great lead up to the next scene.

.-HER CALL OUT. I loved how she recapped everything with Kelsey (I actually forgot about the condom thing. wtf Daniel?). But then after he defended himself and her rebuttal, I LOVED that he said “I hear you.” Like that was so important. It’s an important thing for every woman to hear, but especially I feel important for Grace with her story. That whole scene was so well done.

-THOSE TWO ALMOST KISSED TWICE. LIKE DAMN GRACE YOUR NOT EVEN TRYING TO DENY IT ANYMORE.

All in all this clip was incredible for me and made me love Grace x Daniel so much more than I already did. Honestly I think they’ve reached a tie with Incantava for me (but we’ll see after I see the new Skamit clip next which I cannot wait to finally watch). And Kennedy and Austin NAILED IT. 

FANTASTIC 

[letscuttothefeeling]

season three episode three

Let me start off by congratulating the producers – not you Ish – on this great episode. I finally feel like we’re back to THE SHOW. Not a weird Bachelor spin-off with minimal drama and blatantly horrible editing (see: Juliette’s grad party scene, where Chloe’s nails change color DURING THE PARTY.) Nope, we’re done with that and back to the good stuff, so on that note, let’s cut to the feeling.

Come ON MTV it’s like you weren’t even trying. And yes, I created this, and no, I don’t have a life.

I know I’m going to like an episode when it starts off with the angelic sounds of my lord and savior, Ariana Grande. As break up with ur girlfriend, i’m bored plays, we zoom into Cara’s house. Personally, I’m hoping to see Victoria. Alas – it’s just Cara…and Garrett. God, Garrett STOP. Your ex-girlfriend has already outlined exactly how Cara is using you – since she did the exact same thing - and you’re still asking Cara on dates? This is so cringe. Where’s Victoria?!

Even though Garrett can’t score a date, Brandon can! Maybe instead of asking Cara to go look at babies, you should ask her to rollerblade, G Baby. As Amanda and Brandon glide around the Key, we learn that Brandon is celebrating his 24th birthday on Friday! And it’s “24, Like, Karat Gold Slash, Like, Pirate, Sort Of” themed, of course! He debates whether or not to invite Juliette while giving us viewers amazing helmet safety tips. Meanwhile, after Cara has removed G Baby from her property, she makes her way to Chloe’s to checkuppé on her. This is where we learn that Chloe has officially called the cops and filed a police report. I have a lot of opinions, but more on this later.

Okay, something I haven’t touched on because I wish it wasn’t happening I haven’t had time is that Kelsey and Jared have sparked a little romance. If you don’t remember, while Kelsey was dating her random LA boyfriend, Jared was the 86th person she cheated on him with. I see this going well! I mean, it always works out when you leave someone you cheated on for the person you cheated with. Right? Plus, there’s Twisted Tea and mudding involved, so Kelsey can rest assured she’ll be going on sophisticated and expensive dates instead of the shitty and poor dates that Garrett used to take her on.

FINALLY, the C + V scene I need and deserve. Donning a black one-piece that contrasts perfectly with her frozen fruity pink drink, Victoria is effortlessly exuding two polar opposite, chaotic energies. I’m getting “sassy”, but I’m also getting “I’ll fuck you up if you insult my 90’s Quiksilver skater shoes.” AKA, I’m getting Avril during the Girlfriend era. And I love it. As she floats next to Cara in the pool and shockingly proclaims that she’s not into guys, (what?!) I’m on my knees praying to God himself that she become a main cast member vis-à-vis a relationship with Cara. It’s Victoria’s show, and we’re all just living in it, baby. After Cara’s bizarre comment about how her parents punish her by locking her in their wine cellar (weird flex, but okay) Victoria giggles about how dumb Garrett is and we move on.

We leave C and V for a Madisson and Kelsey reunion, but it’s not a happy one. Madisson delivers the unfortunate news that Chloe may be pressing charges. Oh no! I would be really upset by this, but I can’t focus on the content of Madisson’s words because of how she’s delivering them. Madisson, we fully understand that you’ve been to an acting class in LA because you won’t shuttupé about it, so you can stop over-enunciating everything that comes out of your mouth. Thanks!

After Kelsey tells Juliette about her impending stint in Florida prison, she gets understandably upset. Luckily, Boring Robby is there to teach Juliette how to apologize. Don’t say he never did anything for her! I want to point out that Kelsey truly has been redeeming herself this season. She’s been pretty level headed and a very good friend. If only Boring Robby could do the same… Later in the day, Kelsey confronts Robby about another thing Madisson spilled during their meetup. Apparently, while Juliette was fighting everyone last week, Boring Robby had the audacity to applaud her! How gauche. Boring Robby vehemently denies these claims, saying, “Always take the high road, because the low road is way too crowded,” and, “Silence is the best way to react to a fool, and happiness is the best revenge.” First of all, stop lying about things that were FILMED on national television. You’re now Boring Robby: The Liar. Second of all, why are you the human embodiment of my ninth grade Pinterest quotes board?

Grab your pillows and sleeping bags because we are heading to a SLUMBER PARTY! But before anyone can start braiding each other’s hair, Chloe begins to stir the pot, yet again. She delights in bringing up Brandon and Amanda’s new relationship right in front of Madisson. But to distract from the awkwardness, Amanda changes the subject to her missing phone. After the fight, she lost her phone and no one has been able to find it. She starts to give us a play-by-play analysis of why and how she thinks Boring Robby: The Liar stole it. I’m sorry, am I watching Joe Goldberg on You, or am I watching Amanda on Siesta Key? 

It’s the day of the BG’s bday, and I’m so excited to see everyone’s 24 Karat Gold Slash Like Pirate themed outfits! They don’t disappoint - G Baby and Victoria are even matching!! I’ve never screamed so loudly in my life. Garrett obviously refuses to drink, and we’re off to the party. But first, there’s one guest who needs to arrive.

As Alex descends from his family’s PJ strapped with Louis luggage, a BEER, and fresh digs straight from the Siesta Key mall, I can feel the blood coming back into my body. I can feel individual atoms multiplying. I can feel my soul re-entering my empty, hollow frame. I feel exactly like Bella in the fourth Twilight novel, Breaking Dawn. After her half-human, half-vampire baby has eaten its way out of her uterine lining, Edward is forced to do the unthinkable: steal Bella’s mortal soul by turning her into a vampire so she has a shot to survive. (It’s the second time in the series that vampire Edward is forced to resist sucking all of Bella’s enticing blood to save her – that’s true love.) As she starts to respond to his venom, each and every one of her cells begins to freeze over and restore life to her body. Suddenly, she is awake. Her vision is sharp, her mind is clear, and she’s never looked better. And that’s EXACTLY how I felt as Alex exited his plane.

I expect nothing less than for Alex to arrive at BG’s party with three underage Ukrainian mail-order brides. And he doesn’t disappoint. Unfortunately for the brides, he immediately begins discussing relationships with Cara. It’s fun to see Cara pride herself in not cheating on people for the past year. I kind of feel like that should be a given, but okay. As they’re undressing each other with their eyes talking, Garrett is having an interesting convo of his own. Classic Chloe starts stirring the pot AGAIN by telling Garrett that Cara is using him. Really Chloe? Cara is supposed to be your best friend. What’s more shocking is that VICTORIA starts to betray Cara as well. This causes an immediate fight between Carrett. They leave the party and start screaming at each other in the jungle. I’m so enraptured by the fight that I momentarily forget they’re at a themed party and fixate on Garrett’s outfit. Why am I watching Garrett Miller scream in a jungle dressed as a pirate? Oh, right. Anyways.

Even though Cara and G Baby are scream fighting, the party continues to rage on. And everyone is makingoutté. Kelsey and Jared, Amanda and Brandon... something is in the air! It must be the pirate theme. #LetsGetScurvy. But one person isn’t feeling the love – Madisson. With Dad gone, she has no one to kish. Clearly bothered by watching her friend and ex-boyfriend eat each other’s faces, Madisson decides to give Brandon the sad news that Amanda is using him. Whether or not she is, Madisson has no right to give her opinion on the matter. And BG says exactly that. Good for him! Another person surprisingly not making out with someone is Alex. He’s too busy being an asshole to Kelsey and telling anyone who will listen that Boring Robby is bad news. Probably true, but literally no one can be worse than he is, except maybe Pauly Paul. In other news, WHERE IS PAUL.

Unfortunately, the next scene doesn’t involve Pauly or Victoria – just Chloe and Juliette. Juliette shows up after Chloe gets out of work to hopefully avoid jailtime hash things out. Now strap in because I’m about to explain exactly where I stand with the Chloe/Juliette drama, and if you aren’t completely focused, please take a 10mg Adderall, wait ten minutes, and check back in.

Okay, hopefully, you’ve taken amphetamines and can really dial in. Here goes: I realize that Chloe is a necessary evil - it’s an indisputable fact that there would be no show without her antics. No one is as shameless when it comes to talking shit and completely ruining their friendships for the sake of television. And for that, I deeply respect Chloe. (I realize that sounds sarcastic but I am dead serious. Thank you for taking one for the team, Chloe.) But I simply cannot stand when she gets what’s coming to her then plays the innocent victim. Obviously, violence is not cool, and Juliette should be embarrassed by her behavior. But Chloe knew exactly what the outcome of that conversation would be. She was banking on a wasted Juliette reacting horribly. With Chloe, you simply cannot win. Earlier in this episode, Chloe verbatim says to Madisson and Cara, “If the roles were reversed, I would have shown up at her house, apologizing.”

Now cut to this scene, where Chloe verbatim says to Juliette (after Juliette shows up at her workplace) “I really don’t know why you’re here, so if you can please leave and leave me alone.”

Juliette said it best herself – “Chloe is my best friend when I’m miserable. When I’m actually thriving…this type of stuff happens.” Let’s take a moment to analyze the similarities and differences of how Chloe and the rest of the cast handled Chloe’s altercation with Amanda during season one, in which Amanda broke Chloe’s nose and sent her to surgery. After sending Chloe to the hospital, Amanda justifies her actions by saying that Chloe started it first. So everyone is okay with Amanda decking Chloe. The fact is, Chloe started it first here, too. Chloe swatted at Juliette’s hand first. So why did everyone grab coffee with Amanda, but ostracize Juliette? Amanda even had a sit-down conversation with Chloe after her surgery expecting Chloe to apologize. The inconsistencies and hypocrisy present…I CANNOT.

Chloe acts like everyone’s best friend to stay relevant and betrays them the second it benefits her. While I do agree that Juliette is only apologizing because she’s scared Chloe will press charges, I think people who talk shit, unfortunately, get hit, on occasion. Until next week!

[nancydrew65]

SKAM Austin Season 2 Episode 7 Thoughts

This episode was extremely hard to watch. Sexual assault is an incredibly heavy storyline, but I think SKAM Austin has done an incredible job so far in telling Grace’s story. That being said, I found some parts very difficult to watch and I had to steel myself to get through all the clips this week. As a young woman, this storyline resonates very deeply with me. I have been lucky enough to avoid a lot of sexist comments or misogynistic cat-calls, but especially now, with the whole #MeToo movement bringing to light so many awful instances of sexual harassment, it just makes me so wary. I think Grace’s story is an important one, and I think it is a really necessary one to tell in this day and age.

Up Early

Oh, boy. This is going to be rough. Grace wakes up and immediately knows something is wrong. She finds herself lying in bed naked next to Clay and another random girl.

This scene was shot very well. I felt Grace’s panic as she put her clothes on and hurried out of the house. I felt her anxiety as she impatiently waited for her ride to come. Also, a nice American touch for Grace to have called some driving service. All the other remakes have just walked home.

No matter how many times I watch this storyline, I don’t know if I will ever come to a point where I am unaffected by it. To their credit, I think all of the remakes so far have done a superb job handling the sexual assault storyline (except for William’s reaction to it, obviously).

I have to say, the little things Grace murmured to herself throughout the clip just broke my heart. She was trying so hard to convince herself that she could keep it together.

Oh, no. She gets all the messages from Daniel about how much he loves her. That must be a punch in the gut.

And then she throws up almost as soon as she gets in the car.

I read some comments on the website and was shocked to see how many people were victim-blaming Grace. It disgusted me. What happened to Grace was in no way her fault. Victims of sexual assault already suffer enough from guilt about those events and often times don’t come forward exactly because of reactions like the ones I saw in the comments.

Cocoon

Grace feverishly scrubs her body in the shower as if to wipe off any trace of Clay’s touch from her.

She then huddles in her bed, hugging her knees to her chest, the aforementioned cocoon. I saw a beautiful comment about how this whole experience for her is like a caterpillars journey into becoming a butterfly. I just need Grace to become a butterfly.

Go Away

Well, Eve is kind of annoying at first in this scene. Just bustling in the door and touching and grabbing things.

Oh, god. Of course Grace wants to get rid of that god awful shirt. She thinks she

I do appreciate the fact that Eve left right away when Grace asked her to. That was considerate of her.

And Grace returns to her cocoon and then proceeds to take another shower.

What’s Going On?

A loud party is going on outside Grace’s room while she is trying to research if she had sex or not. Fuck, why is this party going on?

I find it sickening that Grace is forced to communicate with her possible assaulter in order to find out what happened that night. She should not have to go through with that after everything that happened to her. Her agonizing over whether or not to send the message with the smiley face emoji was surprisingly poignant. Hoping he opens up to her, but trying not to appear too friendly nor wanting to appear too friendly.

Finally, Grace goes out to shut that party down… and what the heck is going on in that house?

I mean, I know the Bunny Vampire (?) party is an annual tradition, but Eve should have still asked Grace if it was OK given that they do share the house.

Did Eve really call Grace a bitch? Eve. I am disappointed.

OK, I know that Grace is pushing everyone away and I did appreciate that Eve said she was there for Grace no matter what, but her whole speech sounded so forced. I mean she literally just called Grace a bitch, for god’s sake. It is hard to sound sincere about being there for a person right after saying that to them.

Ugh, the texts from Daniel are just a punch to the gut for Grace.

I found it interesting that they broke the fourth wall with Grace staring straight at the camera.

All I Get

Oh, OK. So it is an essay project that Grace has to write this time around. I find that kind of weird because they did so much to set Grace up as a journalist this season that I just assumed they would take the same route as OG. I guess it doesn’t really matter either way.

Grace looked so uncomfortable with Daniel’s physical contact. I am not surprised.

She pushes Daniel away because she thinks she slept with his brother. Daniel must be so confused right now and I don’t blame him. Of course, I don’t blame Grace either. She feels like she has no choice in this situation and she doesn’t want to hurt Daniel.

Feel Like Me

Grace stalking Clay again - this time on Facebook. God, I feel so bad for her. Tell the girls, please.

Kelsey comes in as a ball of energy, ready to get Zoya onto Prom court. I am interested to see more of this new Kelsey who no longer has to constantly worry about Daniel.

Zoya seems ready to drop the whole Prom thing after the “terrorist” incident. All the girls look super awkward when she brings it up. Did they never discuss it with Zoya?

“Zoya, whoever did that to your locker is obviously going to hell.” Wow. Kelsey’s Christian upbringing is not brought up often, but it’s lines like these, ones that pack such a punch, that makes me wish SKAM Austin delved into this part of Kelsey’s character more.

Aw, and that little line of “You’re the prettiest one out of all of us,” to Zoya was so cute. You can tell it is a compliment of the highest regard coming from Kelsey. I am really loving this Kelsey.

I was kind of worried where they were going when Kelsey asked why Zoya wore her hijab, but SKAM Austin did not disappoint. Zoya wears her hijab because it makes her feel more herself and despite all the hate that it attracts, she still loves wearing it. That was a beautiful statement and I loved Kelsey’s response to it, wanting to be as brave as Zoya. #ImWithZOYA.

And then the girls ask Grace what she thinks and she has to muster up this half smile to agree with them. I feel for her so much.

Worried

Grace is mulling over what to write for the essay competition when Marlon comes up to her.

Well, this Marlon situation is very complicated. I do think Grace was rather harsh on him, but it is understandable; she is projecting her feelings about her sexual assault on Marlon.

I know people were debating about whether it was wrong what Marlon did, starting to hook up with Megan and then stopping. I agree that it is good that he stopped once he realized how drunk she was, but the fact remains that he should have never tried to hook up with her in the first place. They are broken up, he obviously doesn’t have feelings for her, but she does and hooking up with her, even just starting to hook up with her, can seriously mess with her. Megan needs to have closure with this relationship or else she will never get over Marlon. I do think he was right in saying it wasn’t his place to take care of her; that goes along with him not involving himself with her. Just stay away from her, Marlon. Please.

Then Grace gets the text from Clay saying nothing happened at the party. Oh, she looked so happy for a second. The relieved smile on her face made my day brighter. Unfortunately, it all had to be ruined.

Grace goes to Daniel and they reunite. OMG, it seemed like Grace might tell Daniel what happened with Clay!

But then he cuts her off to explain himself. Notable difference in this scene is that he does not say his brother is a psychopath. Well, that’ll come later… Instead he goes on to say that he can’t promise not to get into another fight. Hmm, not a great make-up speech, Daniel. Oh, he says if anyone ever tried to hurt Grace, he would kill them. They proceed to passionately make-out. WHAT?????? OK, if someone said that to me, I would be majorly freaked out. I don’t anyone to kill someone on my behalf, or revenge my death or anything like that. Not even my dad. That kind of thing just makes me feel uncomfortable and frightened. I don’t get why someone (Grace, cough, cough) would be turned on by that.

Daniel leaves, Grace gets that dreaded text. The text where Clay sends a naked photo of her (majorly creepy, dude) and tells her how crazy she was at the party. Grace looks horrified.

General Thoughts

Well, I thought this episode was one of the best this season. So far, SKAM Austin has been nailing it with these scenes about the aftermath of a sexual assault. They included links to an organization, RAINN, that helps sexual assault victims. I appreciated that. A lot. So, I guess we have two more episodes in the season, not one. Thank goodness because it would be very hectic trying to cram everything into only one more episode. Grace still hasn’t told the girls or Eve anything. I hope next episode she finds the courage in herself to confide in them. They will not judge her, and they will support her, no matter what.

[queensgaybeach1d]

I’m sorry this is quite a sensitive question but... do you think the antis are all Harries? Like the anti blogs I see here are all about Harry, and they... they seem to not like Louis much. Do they think Larry is an obstacle to Harry’s success?

Hi love,

I certainly don’t think all antis are Harries. There are these ‘huge’ accounts on twitter that hate on Harry, calling him weird and saying he is creepy for staring at Louis, they also say Louis hates him etc. They ship Elounor, but sometimes even say rude things about Louis too. Most elounor shippers only care about Eleanor, not Louis. To them Louis is like a ‘handbag’ attached to Eleanor. Some elounor shippers like Louis and Eleanor together just because it makes Louis look straight, those are the ones who hate on Harry the most. 

And yes, you’re also right about those Harries. They hate on Louis too. Most of them are those teenagers, like Kelsey Karter, who think they have a chance with him; dressing up in dark red silk robes and lingeries. So when they hear he’s into a boy, Louis, their chances immediately die out. That’s why they hate Louis, some also do not know Louis and think the disgusting image of him is really the person he is. 

Those Harries don’t see Larry as an obstacle to his succes, they see Larry as a threath to their ‘chances’ with Harry. Like I mentioned, if they think that chavy lad image of Louis is going to ruin Harry’s reputation they are wrong; It’s Harry’s life and if those real Harries (the ones who do not want to sleep with him etc) know the real Harry, they also know that Harry would NEVER date someone like that (Louis’ fake image) and that Louis’ image is fake. 

Plus, being gay or in love with a man in 2019 isn’t seen as something bad anymore. It’s huge, people are SUPER supportive to them. And to be honest, couples like Malec, Evak etc are super popular. If Harry would come out, he would still get the amaizng recognition he needs. If those fake teen fans would leave bc he’s gay there will be literally plenty of people here to support him, if not more. Harry also paints his nails, says things about him liking boys, if those people wanna leave they should have done that already. The majority of his fans know he is not into women. 

(Please note that I absolutely do not think all Harries or Louies are like this. A huge amount of Louies are larries and a huge amount of Harries are also Larries)

Thank you for the ask, love!!