#and I'd been doing better lately!
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Cool, cool, sinking back into that bad mental place that says I should give up on fandom, and writing, and all of it, because nobody would even notice or care if I did.
Great. Love that for me.
#and I know that's not true#I KNOW it's not#I know I have friends who like my writing and feel like I contribute something valuable to fandom#and I'd been doing better lately!#but the bad brains have got me tonight#😮💨
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#outfit i'd wear to that next machinegirl show if i was cool ( and if was confident and had friends to go with )#NOT 'if i had it' because wahaha. i do. might have been wearing earlier. might still be wearin some of it. nyohoho.#( took off the shoes bc theyre big old leather boots i received today & i don't wanna be stomping around i have downstairs neighbours )#( heaviest shoes i ever owned )#( they're also not super super comfortable for now jury's still out on whether thatll get better or not )#i'll also haveto learn to draw it better i gotta drastically increase my skills at drawing sick kicks & fuckyou boots#shevr#my lines#anyway aah ahah not my best doodle lately#struggled a bit much with it for that result#still lackin the hhhaaabbit
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VARGASTOBER - day 28 : fantasy
#vargas#edgar vargas#vargas zarla#scriabin#scriabin vargas#vargastober#zarla s#vargastober2024#vargastober 2024#sunny's art#late but this time i do have an actual excuse#GUESS WHO GOT SICK AGAIN .#if i had a dollar for every time i got sick on a vargastober . i'd have two dollars#and there have only been two vargastobers . i swear !!!!#i'm feeling way better now . aside from some considerably intense stomach pain .#. i will choose not to worry about it for now !#my everything hurts . i've had some weird days recently .#but well . i still have two pieces in mind .#i'll probably upload one of them after october is over but hey not like i can do anything else#i'll probably write an entry for this one !#i don't know if i should start the next piece or get the entry done . ugh#this next one could be pretty good if i get it right#bye i need to take a shower
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#posting without caption bc this sums up how i've been feeling lately#a year ago if you told me i'd end up being so annoyed and disillusioned with b*ddie i'd have laughed at you#but now the shippers annoy the everloving shit out of me#like. not only has this season been complete shit with the pacing and the calls being boring#but its just. after spending time watching a show like swat where all the characters feel real and the storylines aren't rushed#and overall just. a fucking good show. i'm like. fuck 911 actually. do better. this is still one of my fave shows but by god do better!!!!#tim minear i want you to get fired <3333
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I find the demonization of Demeter in supposedly feminist retellings of the Hades and Persephone story thoroughly fascinating because she was actually the myth's protagonist
A lot of retellings focus on the "lovebirds" but the myth was moreso focused on Demeter's quest to bring her daughter home than any romance they might've had. In fact, the original source material is entitled "Homeric Hymn to Demeter"
It followed the goddess of harvest searching desperately for the whereabouts of her kidnapped daughter, enlisting the help of deities and mortals alike along the way, and eventually forcing Zeus himself to come to a compromise through sheer stubborness and pure love for her child
An interpretation I really like is that the tale is an allegory for mothers in Ancient Greece whose daughters were taken away from them to be married off without them having any say in the matter
Putting all that aside, I'm really curious as to what prompted people to portray Demeter as a control freak who doesn't want to see her daughter happy with the one she loves when originally, she was simply a mother who fought tooth and nail to see her Persephone returned to her
#in which epher is shamelessly garrulous#late night rambles real#also yes this is mainly about lore olympus#mythological demeter defender till i die#she was one of the better gods#she had a temper but i dont recall her doing anything particularly evil like the other gods#sure she granted erisychthon insatiable hunger but that was after he cut down her sacred grove after she explicitly warned him not to#i haven't heard about her doing anything worse than that but i'd be interested in hearing about it if she has#and yes she did starve mankind which was what drove zeus to partly give persephone back but her child had literally been taken from her#it doesn't exactly justify it because people definitely died but it was a very human reaction and it displayed how much she loved persephon#while other gods' evil acts are usually done out of pleasure#anyways#greek mythology#demeter#persephone#hades#persephone and hades#hades and persephone#greek gods#lore olympus critical#lore olympus criticism#sorry people who enjoy lore olympus#ramblings
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#galarian slowpoke#picture this. this was the first pokémon revealed from the new DLCs for pokémon sword and shield. the pokémon company#up until this point‚ has never done DLC for a pokémon game before. you‚ having been jaded by shitty DLCs for other games in the past#now have a distaste for the phrase‚ and imagine this can't be good. then‚ in their teaser for the new DLC‚ they add a little event#into the game where they reveal one of the new pokémon that is going to be added in the DLC#and it is a galarian form. that is identical to the original pokémon. but with a yellow head#are you imagining it. now how fucking disappointed are you. how little faith do you have in that DLC that it's going to be as good as it wa#for the most part‚ the pokémon company has demonstrated that they do absolutely excellent DLCs. proper expansions#basically an entire other game on top of the game you already have. and they typically take up the release cycle of a full game#scarlet/violet's especially. WONDERFUL dlc. i never really properly finished the crown tundra just because i was so late to the party#because i avoided buying the dlc for so long because of this experience that i've just described to you#that by the time i bought it and played it‚ it was just because SV had been announced and i wanted more pokémon to tide me over#and i never finished it. one of these days‚ i'd like to go back and finish it‚ but i'm playing through pokémon xd gale of darkness right no#and i prefer to play. one game at a time. and i don't know when i'll ever really get back to it#or if i'll ever get back to it! 'cause without resetting my save file all the way i'll just have to Remember what it is that already happen#which i'm. notoriously bad at when it comes to coming back to games that i haven't played in a while#plus i know sv is like shitty performance or whatever but the movement in that game is so much better#it feels so much more freeing than going back to gen 8 where you can still just. run. and that's it#i know nobody likes scarlet/violet but i still. like it. performance aside. like yes the performance is terrible but i still had a great#time with it. i just praised its DLC for fuck's sake! its DLC was fuckin wonderful! it has kieran in it so it like can't be bad
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Just a bit of lore relevant vent art (with terrible proportions bc apparently I mess that up horribly when I'm tired ugh. Watch me regret posting this tomorrow. The head size is already driving me mad bc it's too big, and I can feel myself wanting to abort this mission already) of Mourynn just, lying down on top of one of those large elevated Pale Tree roots far above the Grove (and far away from everyone else), and during the time between the early years and before the Personal story. Caithe is gone (Destiny's Edge), Wynne is gone (bc well, y'know...), even Faolain is gone (bc of Caithe in DE), and she's just feeling miserable, lost, and alone. (Her hair is in between her sapling hair and the Zhaitan hair, so it's grown out a bit bc she's depressed, and she's meant to be in the new outfit she designed, but I'm in the process of redesigning it a bit, so I've made a few tentative changes for now. Her collar is now just an extension of her clavicle leaves which can be put up like a collar, or can be draped down over her shoulders or back)
#gw2#sylvari#artgallery#mourynn#mourynn art#I've just been so tired lately bc of work#also just going a bit stir crazy with the silence (lonely; but alas I unfortunately suck at starting convos bc I have nothing interesting t#talk about and work has been draining my social energy; making it even harder :( (I'd rather burn the social energy with friends yknow?)#it's getting a wee bit better; but I haven't had much time or energy to even game while we're in the midst of our busiest season :(#I miss hanging out and chatting with my buds; but the universe insists on keeping us apart :(#just miss having something to look forward to throughout my day. Been trying to fill it with other things; but the depresso is overriding i#Mostly just been me with my thoughts and that is just bad bc I got so many horrors in there lmao.#I wanna at the very least; draw more or game more to distract from it; but work is sapping all my time and energy from it.#but also it's very quiet on my end and it's kicking my overthinking into overdrive so I#Ive just been fighting with my mind lately lmao#hopefully this will all pass soon so I won't obsessively keep thinking about it loll#lol I'd post this in the servers but it's vent art so it feels a bit weird to do; so it's going straight to home video w/o a theater releas#hopefully once work calms down it'll help#(I have so many long shifts makes me so frustrated bc I hate them and I run out of steam half way through)#other than all that I'm doing fine lol. My brain's always been like this; But I usually only get like this during the winter season#(bc of the holidays making everything quiet and also the SAD) so it feels weird having this exact same feeling happen to me in July lol
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“white mourning.”
#‘‘A white mourning. A modern death. Divorce or something similar. All you can do is put more distance between you & him. make him smaller.’’#jean is a very easy character to hate if you know nothing about him. & you know what they say. easy target doesn’t make for a good practice#judit literally compares harry to intellectually disabled man yet you don’t see ppl hating her because she is outwardly nice.#she’s polite yes but she doesn’t care as much as jean cares for harry#he is not perfect. he is mean. but loyal. if he truly didn't care he wouldn't hab come back to martinaise & coulda just reported harry’s as#he put up with du bois’ bullshit for years and built a toxic (totally straight) relationship with him yet always comes back.#he says he will leave you in the village to die but please understand harry isn't exactly a great person. especially pre-bender hdb.#planned a make up joke & put on a wig for hdb even tho he wasn’t the who started the whole fiasco#you can hate him all you want for leaving harry before & during tribunal but how could he have foreseen all this bullshit would have happen#his second leaving is kinda bullshit writing but#jv is dealing with his own demons too. clinical depression. partner almost died. job is shit. case spiraling out control#i do not blame the DE staff either. sometimes shit just happens. not everything needs a grand explanation.#but it definitely coulda been handled better. but i understand. resources were sparse.#i relate to jv. as someone with temper issues & attention problems i have to remove myself from the scene or i'll say shit i'd regret late#my man is having the worst week of his life. leave him alone.#kim is great but have u heard of a man who thinks he's old when he is only 30 & luvs horses & his commie boyfriend that he's divorcin' soon#disco elysium#de fanart#jean vicquemare#disco elysium fanart#jean heron vicquemare#jean posting#illustration#de#artists on tumblr#I WANTED TO DRAW THIS FOR MONTHSSS YOU COULDN'T IMAGINE. HE LITERALLY HAUNTED ME IN MY SLEEP!!!#i love him normal amount. very healthy. much feelings#my little maiu maiu#cryptiduni#my art
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Tissot Sprint, Aragon GP 2024
#marc’s times on lap 2-7 of the sprint would’ve still gotten him pole during qualifying lmao!#two of jorge's laps under pedro's q2 time too marc was onto something when he told jorge he'd probably have set a better time in q2#if he hadn't crashed in the beginning#no one outside the top 3 did any 1’47 laps although enea as usual had great late race pace#marc had eased off by lap 8 as well with the almost 4 second lead he'd built by then#mm93#motogp#aragon gp#finally wrote my proposal i'd been procrastinating yesterday night i have nothing to do all day today 🥳
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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person#who am i competing with? Myself#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist#like me .......(?)
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spent the last few days relistening to the taz playlists I made back in the day and hey they fucking rule actually????
I've remade them on youtube cause playmoss died so! listen to them! casting a spell of ohhhh you want to listen to my adventure zone fanmixes so bad - lup. taako. lucretia.
#the taako one I'd never been completely happy with but I've!!! finally figured it out!#personal#taz blogging#also hey I made a fucking animatic????? what!!!!#like the art is Bad but I finished a thing?? I could do better now I think.#looking at it DID lead to me getting an idea for another one which is dfgjnfkmg it is SO far too late in the game-#-to be making involved taz balance projects good lord#I am going to finish the killarey aesthetic I never made tho.
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#You got a fast car I want a ticket to anywhere Maybe we make a deal Maybe together we can get somewhere Any place is better Starting from#zero got nothing to lose Maybe we'll make something Me myself I got nothing to prove You got a fast car I got a plan to get us outta here I#been working at the convenience store Managed to save just a little bit of money Won't have to drive too far Just 'cross the border and into#the city You and I can both get jobs And finally see what it means to be living See my old man's got a problem He live with the bottle#that's the way it is He says his body's too old for working His body's too young to look like his My mama went off and left him She wanted#more from life than he could give I said somebody's got to take care of him So I quit school and that's what I did You got a fast car Is it#fast enough so we can fly away? We gotta make a decision Leave tonight or live and die this way So I remember when we were driving#driving in your car Speed so fast it felt like I was drunk City lights lay out before us And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder#And I-I had a feeling that I belonged I-I had a feeling I could be someone be someone be someone You got a fast car We go cruising#entertain ourselves You still ain't got a job And I work in the market as a checkout girl I know things will get better You'll find work and#I'll get promoted We'll move out of the shelter Buy a bigger house and live in the suburbs So I remember when we were driving driving in#your car Speed so fast it felt like I was drunk City lights lay out before us And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder And I-I had#a feeling that I belonged I-I had a feeling I could be someone be someone be someone You got a fast car I got a job that pays all our bills#You stay out drinking late at the bar See more of your friends than you do of your kids I'd always hoped for better Thought maybe together#you and me'd find it I got no plans I ain't going nowhere Take your fast car and keep on driving So I remember when we were driving driving#in your car Speed so fast it felt like I was drunk City lights lay out before us And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder And#I-I had a feeling that I belonged I-I had a feeling I could be someone be someone be someone You got a fast car Is it fast enough so you can#fly away?You gotta make a decisionLeave tonight or live and die this way#le song shouting
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man.
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#gonna say I'm venting a bit (kinda of a lot)#but I may seem selfish from this and let me say now ik everyone was putting themselves first (which is a very good thing)#but having three mutuals deactivate their accounts within I think two months or so??#I rlly don't like to be negative and I might also take a break from Tumblr (as much as I love posting here#so I'm still unsure if I'll even stick to that) bc of how negative I've been lately#I just don't want to keep venting and putting that on everyone so#but yeah I just. It makes me sad to see old/new mutuals go#I never thought I'd have to like#witness it#Idk#I've cried over losing them all and it feels rlly silly but I mean idk#I (try to — my feelings with crying are iffy and I hate admitting I do cry) not cry over everything but I just can't word stuff rn#might be posting less/not posting at all for the next few days or so#I'm gonna be busy in July anyways so it's probably better to just say that now#sorry guys I'm just dealing with some stuff mentally lately (an example being gender dysphoria but I can't even word the stuff going on#not to sound like I'm overexaggerating bc I rlly don't wanna seem like I am. It's nothing too serious so don't#be worried at all pls I'm ok enough I won't just disappear)#I just wish I could have alone time in my room with my cats without my family bugging me for a few days#It's tiring atp#I wanna lock myself up just to recooperate and figure out how to deal with certain things the best I can#anyways yap fest over I'm gonna go play wuwa and build Jinshi more#sorry for venting again 🫡🫡
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i'm actually really excited for school to start up again, but i also really hope that it isn't a repeat of the winter 2024 semester because that was b a d mental health-wise
#genuinely i have never felt worse in my life#i had no motivation to do ANYTHING#i took more naps in one semester than i had in my entire life previously#went from being a 80-95 student to nearly failing one class and pity passing the other one#i was putting more effort into sending asks on tumblr than into my schoolwork#i'd be sending like 500 words of jemily rambles at like 11pm meanwhile i had three late assignments and something due at midnight that i#hadn't started yet#which maybe just says more about my priorities than my mental health#i've been feeling a lot better through the summer though so i just hope that keeps up into the fall semester
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What a good episode. Maaaaaan
#I can't even start I'd be here forever#It did take me in fact like one hour total to watch it lmoa. It sooooo good!!! The animation is very good#(albeit it's awfully low on brightness at times. But such seems to be the sin of lot of recent media unfortunately)#but I'm not even going to dwell on that. The plot / storytelling is so good. Sooooo god. I adore this arc.#Love the symbolism. I've been saying this for almost two years now (is it really been that long ever since these episodes came out... ) but#I want to write an analysis on the op & ed so baddd. The emphasis on the twilight this episode!!#Like the sun was setting on the detective agency. I love love love the hd. They're so cool in this episode and they're so cool in general.#I ADORE Jouno. I don't feel particularly strongly for sue/giku yet their scenes are so cute and funny. I see why people ship them.#Even Tetchou I don't usually care much about is so !!!!! I love all the hd so much fr!!!!!!!!!!#I love love love Jouno. Like much like it is for Akutagawa I'm very weak for characters that aren't really good people.#But they're still trying to be a better person than they were. And oftentimes they end up doing a terrible job!!#But the fact alone that they're //trying// has me ougheueueueu. Here in this episode you can see Jouno–#sliping very easily in his cruel / sadistic habits. But he is trying to be a person that cares for others! He made good actions in the past#and he will again in the future even though right now he's acting like this! Because improvement isn't linear! I love him tonsss#And DON'T get me started on the ada. Yosano's “Welcome” scene. I love women. I love women. Yosano please one chance#KENJI'S SCENE God I needed this. How could I forget the way this literllyyyyy rewinded my brain when I read the manga for the first time.#That scene is so deep and poignant and so so meaningful I. Oughhh#I am going to run out of tags am I not#Kyouka saving Atsushi!!!!!!! That scene is one of my all time favourites. It makes me soft to remember when the s4 trailer dropped–#I was so overjoyed for that bit of them holding hands :') Rightfully so!!! It's so cute.#Her coming back to save Atsushi. The “don't worry– I didn't kill them” direct towards Atsushi–#that is so so Akutagawa and it sends me insane hhhhhhgggggggggg#Kunikida!!!!! His “I'm not leaving anyone behind”!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not precisely Kunikida's first fan but aaaaaahhh he makes me feel–#so much for him in this scene!!!!! Mmmhhh one last note would be. It bugs me a little how the ada is defined terrorist by the military–#forces starting this episode? I don't have space to elaborate properly but. An action to be considered terrorism must have clear political–#orientation and goal. Violence alone isn't enought to be defined terrorism. It's an incorrect use of the word#Up to the next episode!!! Can't wait to see more Atsushi 🥰🥰#random rambles#It's late now and probably most are asleep rn... Then I'll be queing my posts for tomorrow probably
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Perhaps I will try and revamp profile a little at some point. include some actual header and icon art or smth. do some character intros. etc etc
#maybe I will! maybe I won't!#I am victim to the curse of a lot of ambition and desire and not as much time/energy/follow through#but I'd like to like. idk. at least make it more personal if not more fleshed out and active#wanna get stuff more in order and feel better abt what I'm doing and how I'm doing it#be healthier and have more fun with stuff that's SUPPOSED to be fun and not like. a source of anxiety for me bc things are weird rn#sorry you guys have to keep seeing my diary on this blog lately. haven't been logged into the account I usually use for it lmao#anyway! this is a notice that things might change and also a gentle motivation to myself to maybe get things moving a little#it's 1 am sorry for rambling
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