#and I’ve had a headache for 5 hours and I’m dying

[murdleandmarot]

drew bluebelle as a yaelokre character a couple months ago

uh. yeah <33333

[harrypotterbrainworms]

Denial Done (18+)

Summary: very very very spicy polyam fic. (request) 

Pairing: Sirius Black x Remus Lupin x Male Reader

Key: (Y/N)- your name

Word Count: 3387

A/N: i am so sorry. (sorry it took so long too. i feel bad. i wrote most of this VERY drunk. don’t drink kids.)

Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his seat with a disheveled look on his face, both of his boyfriends noticed this of course.

“Sirius… Can you not sit still for 5 fucking minutes while we finish our essays?” Remus sighed laying his face onto the nearly complete parchment, Sirius always ran circles around them while they were working, always.

“Really. We need to finish these before tomorrow, ya know? We have until tonight and if it wasn’t for you and detention we would’ve been done by now” (Y/N) sighed in discontent as well, a look of annoyance and frustration on his face, yet Sirius couldn’t help it. He was always restless, but especially right now.

“Please, Merlin, will you stop doing homework for one second and realise we haven’t had sex in a two weeks. You’re killing me.” He huffed out at his boring, hot, homework obsessed boyfriends. He had probably been hard for days by now, but every time he tried to fix it himself he just couldn’t make himself cum, not like they could.

“You’re killing yourself, Padfoot. If we keep getting full essays for pranks, we’ll never have sex again” He hissed at Sirius, very obviously pissed at how much of a pain in the ass his boyfriend was being. Acting like they had deprived out of pleasure and not out of school necessity, so over dramatic, he thought.

“Can we stop saying sex, I don’t think I can handle hearing that word again” Remus tried to hide the blush forming on his face, he in particular didn’t like to bring up their sex life in any way, especially not in front of the other studying students in the library. Sure it had been 15 days, 17 hours and 30 minutes since they last “made love” and maybe he had been dying for a choice to bring it up again, but not in such a public space.

Sirius pouted and slumped into the chair he was sitting on before crossing his arms dramatically.

“Fine. I’ll be honest. I’ve had the biggest boner of my life for the last 3 days” He huffed looking like a child throwing a fit, looking down at his boner that was politely tucked under belt for the time being.

“PADFOOT. We’re in the library. Keep quiet” Remus whisper shouted at him, giving him a death glare as he checked whether or not anyone had heard him or not.

“I’m sorry if my needs are so much less important than homework” Sirius pouted even harder looking away from them with an angry red face, leaving his boyfriends looking at each other a little awkwardly.

“Homework. That was your fault” Remus mumbled in response first trying to pull his attention away from Sirius’s bulge and back at the stacked parchment.

“Fuck me.” (Y/N) said trying to ignore him as well, but he just kept at it as usual. Trying to push the boundaries of what they would do if he pissed them off enough.

“That’s what I want you to do.” He replied too smuggly only to be met with the cold eyes of (Y/N) grabbing his face, leaving a knot in his stomach and throat. That was the straw he needed.

“You know what, Sirius? Fine.” He pulled his face closer, Sirius being too scared to even breathe anymore.

“What?” He was getting what he wanted, right?

(Y/N) ducked underneath the table with a sigh and started to unzip Sirius’s pants, he immediately knocked his knees up against the table at the sudden contact. Remus went red in the face when he realised what was unfolding, Sirius’s pants….

“Put muffliato on him, quick.” He huffed out to the very shocked Remus. He obeyed and charmed the already moaning Sirius.

“I haven't even touched you yet.” He groaned out, looking at Sirius’s twitching, dripping cock. He wasn’t sure how to feel, frustrated? Horny? Tired of his bullshit?

Sirius tried to say something, probably along the lines of “you’re so hot, just looking at you makes me wanna cum”, but nothing came out.

“This isn’t a good idea… Can’t you wait until we get back to the dorms?” Remus stuttered out nervously as he watched (Y/N) stare intently at the very hard penis in front of him, he may have even felt himself twitch in his own pants… not very convenient. (Y/N) looked at his tented pants and back at him, visibly dismissing his issue by sighing and turning back to the problem at hand.

“No, Remus. This can’t go on, we need to finish our essays and he’s not gonna shut up ‘till then” He waved in his general direction, extending his hand to rub his leg saying ‘later, okay?’. Remus looked a little uncomfortable, but would rather not get on (Y/N) bad side, especially while he was about to suck his boyfriend off.

“I guess.” He nodded and immediately looked at his book, trying to pretend like (Y/N) had just headed to the bathroom and was definitely not under the table.

Sirius just sat there, muffled and impatient. His dick twitching unintentionally at the swallow breath from (Y/N)’s mouth.

“You owe me.” He huffed out giving Sirius’s dick a kiss causing his boyfriend’s leg to shake a little at the anticipation. He slowly moved his face down while staring straight into Sirius’s eyes. The black haired boy bit his lip feeling very impatient, he wanted to push (Y/N)’s head down already, but he’d regret it immediately. Sirius looked like he was begging to speak, so he lifted the charm and let him speak.

“Don’t tease, please.” He pleaded to dead ears as (Y/N) harshly and delicately made sure to brush the head of his dick with every stroke.

“This isn’t a favour, Black. So just shut your face and then you can stop being horny for 5 fucking minutes” He stared through Sirius’s soul with that sending a twitch down his leg.

“Sit still, don’t be a fucking brat.” He groaned, grabbing Sirius’s feet between his thighs. Every time his boyfriend twitched he could just feel his leg rub up against him and for a moment he considered how much he could get away with, what if he just fucked Sirius unconscious under the table these thoughts only fuelling his agonisingly slow stroke.

“Come on, you’ve been depriving me all week.” He pouted in even a hopeful attempt to gain some control back, but was only met with evil horny eyes filled with all the possible things he could think of.

“No, Sirius. We’ve been studying all week and now you’re getting what you want. So you’ll sit still when I tell you, cum when I tell you and shut the fuck up when I tell you, okay?” He kept the same deep stare and deadpanned frustrated face, then grabbed his dick very roughly making Sirius dig his face into the book he was “reading” trying to muffle his moans without the charm.

“A-ah- okay…”

“Great.” He mumbled and pointed to Remus to cast it again. He looked up to the dripping boy in front of him once again, not leaving him a second to get comfortable before grabbing his dick full force. Not letting any moment to breathe with the fast and merciless strokes caused Sirius to involuntarily hit his knees against the table causing a few curious looks towards them.

Sirius felt like he just couldn’t keep up with the pace and rhythm anymore, just convulsing and shaking at every little touch he was given. The minute it looked like Sirius was gonna come, he just stopped dead in his tracks. He only moved on with slower and slower strokes and it never got faster than it was in the beginning which frustrated Sirius to his core. It felt like he would die at this rate, it added a layer of pleasure every time he just couldn’t do anything else, but watch his boyfriend work his magic.

“Wanna cum yet?” He gripped the base of Sirius’s penis pulling any form of pre-cum there was in the shaft making him gasp and keel over his face planted to his desk.

He nodded as well as he could, hoping only Moony and (N/N) could see and hear his muffled screaming at this point.

“Well you can’t.” He said picking up the pace just a little bit in spite trying to bring his boyfriend’s hope up.

He groaned at this response, tears starting to run down his face as he watched Remus shift uncomfortably. He thought he saw Moony rubbing one out over his pants, but was immediately distracted by the fact that (Y/N) had wrapped his mouth around his penis incredibly slowly and looked up at him. He couldn’t anymore, not with his boyfriend now running every part of his mouth up and down his dick. For the first time in the last 30 minutes it finally got faster and he begged and pleaded in muffled words and finally… (Y/N) nodded.

Remus slapped his hand over his mouth as he cum hard in his own pants leaving a small stain on it, the convulsions Sirius was pulled into sending him over the edge. A layer of sweat and tears glistening on his face under the pale candle light, he looked down to (Y/N) who had a long stream of thick cum running down his lips.

“What good boy, huh Moony?” He stared straight through Remus, he sat there shocked and upon seeing where (Y/N)’s eyes were going he removed his own cum covered hand out of his pants.

Remus nodded vigorously at (Y/N) as he watched Sirius convulse a few more times before panting heavily with a spaced out look on his face.

“Clean.” Before the words even left his mouth Sirius started kissing (Y/N) licking any remaining cum on his face with a smile of gratitude. He pointed at Remus’s hand as well leaving Sirius desperately licking up every bit of his cum too, not leaving a drop of anyone’s left.

“Will you disturb us again?” (Y/N) asked as he got up from underneath the table dusting off his knees and taking a cocky stride to his seat again.

Sirius shook his head starting to feel a headache coming on as he could barely tuck his very sensitive dick into his pants. Every little movement of his pants left Sirius feeling like he’d come again.

“Good. Homework?” He turned to Remus who was still looking at his hand in shock, but turned his attention toward with a nod.

“O-Of course” Remus replied and started absentmindedly writing notes and words onto his parchment. Every now and then he looked over to Sirius who still couldn’t hold himself together, everytime he was touched he flinched almost moaning in the process which left Remus harder than he ever imagined he could be.

(Y/N) looked up at Sirius to give a sympathetic look or a kiss on the forehead for being so good during and after the interaction. Leaving his black haired boyfriend very smitten and not at all mad at his still semi-throbbing cock. The days passed on as they always did, thinking about the next time.

Now in the dark room of their dorm, everyone and their mother could hear Remus Lupin pacing up and down the space, mumbling to himself. Nothing in particular just frustrated mumbling.

“Moony, just fucking sleep?!” James groaned with two pillows around his head

“He’s mad that I sucked Sirius’s dick and not his.” (Y/N) sighed pulling himself from the duvet he was hiding in, pulling a wand and book with him.

“You sucked his dick?!” James exclaimed pointing at Sirius who looked like he had folded himself into four different pretzels as he snored through the annoying pitter patter of his boyfriend.

“Yes, James. Keep up”

“I’m not mad or upset. You can suck who’s ever dick you want.” Remus huffed turning to face s corner to stand in alone while he continued his brooding session right in the middle of the common room.

“Remus. Just sleep, okay?” (Y/N) yawned trying his back away from Remus, wrapping himself in blankets in the process.

“Fine. I will. You’ll see.” He said before he could think, stomping off to his bed.

He threw himself onto his bed like an angry child sent to bed without dinner, but, he didn’t realise about an hour into being upset, the shadowy figure enter his four poster bed and closed the curtains.

“I know you’re upset. Do you want me to give you a wank, Remus?” The shadow now being recognised as (Y/N) whispered into his ear.

“N-No. Don’t call it that!” Remus stuttered out, but regretted saying it so loudly.

“Fine, do you want my hand to “make sweet love” to your penis?” (Y/N) dead panned at Remus sarcastically, moving closer to him on the bed until they were a few inches apart.

“Don’t patronise me.” Remus huffed around turning to face away from him, but that only gave (Y/N) access to his neck, leaving kiss after kiss on it.

“You’re doing a pretty good job doing that to yourself.” He stated between kisses.

“No I’m not.”

“Just tell me what you want, Moony.” He sighed and paused his neck exploration, hugging Remus from behind and snuggled his head into his neck.

“I-l- I want-“ He waited for a full sentence as he slowly pushed his hands into Remus’s shirt, making him more nervous.

“Yes?”

“I want you to-“ He felt (Y/N) hands slowly dragging up and down stomach skin, sending shivers down his spine. A small pit forming his stomach as he tried to say the words.

“To do what?” He smiled into Remus’s neck as he continued to kiss him.

“T-Touch me.” He finally said it, but it didn’t seem to be exactly what (Y/N) wanted to hear.

“Come on, Remus. I know you can say full sentences”

“I want you to t-touch m-me” He blurted out in a quick string of words as he felt (Y/N)’s hands falling south of his waist.

“That can be arranged” He said with a smirk, placing his fingers between Remus’s underwear snapping it.

He shiftly whispered a jinx into his ear, Remus feeling his hands pull together behind his back quickly. He looked up at (Y/N) who was usually shorter, but with Remus on his back and his boyfriend on his knees he felt inferior.

“You’re been a brat all day, honey. You didn’t expect me to just give you what you want on a silver platter, did you?” He cocked an eyebrow, pushing his boyfriend’s underwear and pants down, leaving it tangled together at his ankles.

“Of course not.” He huffed, trying his best to get into a semi comfortable position.

“Now, shush. I’m not putting any charms up.”

Remus suppressed a moan slowly escaping his lips as (Y/N) stroked him slowly, keeping a careful pace. He’d been sticking there hard for so long, he didn’t think he could last long.

“Please, god… I just” He huffed out, feeling the knot in his stomach as (Y/N) bent down kissing the light pink scars sticking out from his shirt.

“Speak up, I know you can.” Still kissing and suckling on Remus’s neck,

“I n-need to-“ He moaned as he felt his knees start to buckle from underneath. his toes curling in the process.

“Tell me what you need?” He said impatiently, always so needy and so apprehensive. He stroked faster, trying to pull Remus closer and closer to euphoria.

“I need to cum” He said blankly, a soft moan escaping his lips as he felt (Y/N)’s lips on his jaw.

“Aw? Already? Fine.”

“R-Really?” Remus perked up, a grateful smile on his face as he started to push himself closer to the edge.

“Knock yourself out” (Y/N) yawned a bit, looking as unfazed as he could.

“Thank you!” He was about to cum to the quick pace of (Y/N)’s pace, but before he could even bring himself over to the edge he stopped.

“No-“ He came everywhere, but he felt nothing. Only the lingering feeling that he was supposed to cum being left, he had every symptom of having the biggest orgasm in a while yet the pressure in stomach said otherwise. His legs shook and he was barely able to move where (Y/N) had pulled him to, his ass now in the air and his face buried into the mattress.

“What? Thought I’d let you cum properly yet after you’ve been brooding for days.” (Y/N) said pushing his boner against his boyfriend’s ass teasingly adding a few dry humps sending Remus through the motions again.

Remus moaned at the friction being caused, but immediately got a hand over his mouth which he thanked the lord for when he realised once again his friends were fast asleep around him. His core hurt, the unclenching and clenching of his muscles giving him unbearable cramps.

“P-Please, (Y/N)... This is too much” He twitched upwards, panting heavily.

“You haven’t said your safe word, Moony. If I knew better and I do, you’re enjoying this.”

He brought his boyfriend’s body to his own, Remus trying to cling to (Y/N) for his life.

“So fucking cute.” He said, grabbing the other boy’s face from behind, making him stare into eyes as he snaked his hand around Remus’s penis making him flinch with pleasure and pain.

“Yes” He agreed with him instantly as he moved his other hand to wring his nipple.

“Kiss me, love” He ordered and Remus connected their lips, every sudden fast stroke was a moan into (Y/N)’s mouth. He opened his eyes every few seconds to see a sweaty, blushing and moaning Remus making him want to fuck him right then. His thrusts became sloppy as he breathed a little heavy. He left out a sigh and stopped.

“I’m tired, come ‘ere” He propped himself up on the bedpost and patted his leg, Remus crawled to straddle his boyfriend’s leg and started grinding himself against.

“You can- cum properly this time- as long as you do it here” He said in between kissing and suckling on his neck, Remus nodded enthusiastically as he started to ride (Y/N)’s leg quickly.

“Slow down, love. No rush.” He held down his hips, slowing his movement which drove Remus insane while (Y/N) just brought his body toward him whispering in his ear.

Remus was flushed from ear to ear, his breath hinging every few seconds as he drew closer and closer to his release.

“Do you want to- ah- cum too?” Remus whispered as he was basically hugging (Y/N).

“Are you offering?” (Y/N) asked, rubbing his back comfortingly.

“Yes, Merlin. Yes.” He sighed out defeated as he left (Y/N)’s thigh.

Remus pushed (Y/N)’s underwear down over his dick, watching it spring out. He grabbed one of pillows as he positioned himself to suck him off.

“Merlin, you’re too good to me.” (Y/N) breathed out as Remus put his lips around him. He watched Remus, stroking his hair tiredly as he felt himself coming closer and closer to cumming as well.

Remus bopped his head up and down at an alarming rate making (Y/N) buck his upwards into his throat. He pulled on his hair a bit, Remus humming around him.

“Shit. I’m gonna cum.” He shivered as he felt Remus’s tongue work on his dick.

(Y/N) pushed Remus’s head into him, releasing down his throat. He watched Remus undo too, a few strings of cum spewing onto the bed.

“Good boy.” He breathed out shakily as Remus pulled his mouth off (Y/N). He smiled tiredly and (Y/N) kissed forehead lightly, ruffling his hair as he helped Remus clean up and tucked in bed. He yawned and stretched his arms out, heading to his own bed.

“You guys are so hot.” He heard Sirius whisper from his bed, he was probably listening the entire time.

“You’re a slut, you know that. Could’ve joined us” He sighed and climbed into bed.

[king-star]

When the Party’s Over

Warning: Homophobia, transphobia, death, bile, guts, broken limb, crying, pet neglection, driving while slightly tipsy, fire (lmk if i need to add more. This is all around pretty dark and sad, proceed with caution)

Match: Yelena Belova x enby!Reader; Wanda Maximoff x reader

Genre: Angst, Angst, and more Angst

A/N: This is the first chapter in a series. Idk how long it’ll be. the plan is bi weekly updates. im reallyyyyy proud of this one so let’s hope it doesn’t flop. ENJOY!

Word Count: ~3,000

Summary: You have a horrible nightmare, leaving you with anxiety for Yelena. Yelena assures you that everything is fine and leaves on a mission.

Your tongue rubs the roof of your mouth in an attempt to rid itself of the sickly sweet drink you’d been sipping. A hundred intoxicated humans swirl around you. Fabric, skin, and feathers blend together, the orchestra the only thing holding off the headache behind your eyes.

You didn’t want to be here. Sure ballroom charity balls could be fun. If you had your best friends there, you could chat only with them, and dance to your heart's content. Unfortunately for you, everyone you could stand to be around was busy. Leaving you human-shieldless from your mothers many socialite friends.

The “oh my goodness Y/N I haven’t seen you since you were in highschool. How are you?” got old quick. Retelling your life story over and over was a pain especially with your mother gripping your hand making sure you didn’t slip up. Share any information that didn’t quite fit the Y/L/N dynasty image. Mostly she didn’t want you sharing about the love of your life, your girlfriend, your Yelena.

When the two of you first got together you waited nearly 5 months before telling your mother. The first time you dated a girl she had hated it. She tried to act like she was supportive, claiming “I will always love you no matter what.” But in the end she always shielded this fact from the public eye. She was supportive of all the LGBT+ movements from a political standpoint. Never her own child.

You never told Yelena about this. You claimed the reason you didn’t want to share her with your mother was because you wanted your relationship to not have paparazzi after you two. She bought it for a while but you could only keep the love of your life away from the woman who gave you life for so long. It didn’t take a master spy to understand the emotions behind the look your mother gave you when you brought Yelena to dinner. Yelena never brought it up but it was an unspoken understanding. Your mother didn’t accept you no matter how hard she tried to fake it.

Now you just wanted the event to be over so you could go home to Yelena. You flipped your wrist, checking the ridiculously expensive watch you had on.

11:31

She was definitely asleep by now. Yelena never stayed up past 10:30. Frowning, you set down your glass and turned to your mother, waiting for her conversation to end. When she finally stopped speaking she turned to you and cocked an eyebrow,

“Y/N. Are you leaving? so soon?” she pouted but enough years in her home taught you her looks. This was faked sadness.

“Unfortunately yes mother. Lena is probably asleep by now and I have work early. She probably forgot to feed our dog,” you enunciated the words that might clue in your mothers friend on how you and this woman were related. A last “fuck you mother” before you left. She smiled warningly and nodded.

“Well… you must get home to your friend. I will see you soon daughter,” she kissed your hand and you stood there frozen. Of course, she would invalidate your gender and your relationship in one comment. Your nostrils flared and you turned quickly, letting your hand smack your unfinished drink into her lap and treading off quickly.

“Fuck you mother. How someone could be so hateful to their own child I will never understand,” you muttered to yourself. You handed your ticket to the valet and stood with your arms crossed, waiting. You made sure to tip the valet an absurd amount, and drove off quickly. The only thing that would keep you from doing something stupid in retaliation was Yelena’s arms around you.

~

Nearly thirty minutes later you pulled the car into the garage. It shouldn’t have taken you that long to get home but you couldn’t help but drive with the top down for a bit. Anger and maybe a bit of fear had bubbles underneath your skin and you didn’t want to bother Yelena. You stepped out of the car and held your head in your hands. You hadn’t drank that much, but a headache would be inevitable.

Fanny met you at the door. She was obviously excited, tail wagging as she raced back to her food bowl

“ok ok girl. I’ve got you,” you rubbed her head and dumped a scoop of food into her bowl. Loosening your tie you dragged yourself to the bedroom. You smiled as the light poured in and illuminated the silhouette of a sleeping Yelena.

“Deep asleep. I’ll join you in a second,” you pulled the rest of your suit off. Picking up a discarded shirt you put it on, and leaned your head against the mirror.

“That was misery. And mother’s comment. I shouldn’t care about what that bitch thinks or says. But I can't help it,” you let out a sigh and picked up your toothbrush. Maybe someday she will accept you. But at that point would she ever be able to make up for how she treated you?

Ready for bed you slid in beside Yelena, careful not to wake her. Fanny, finished with her food, jumped into bed with you and snuggled up with a lick to your face. You smiled and kissed her head then kissed Yelena.

“night my love. See you in the morning,” your heavy lids drooped and you relaxed, setting a hand on Yelena and falling into dreamland.

~

Your thighs hurt. Fire and smoke burn your throat and eyes. You search for something. What exactly you aren’t sure. Tears stream down your face as anxiety floods your chest. If you don’t find the thing soon your world will be crushed.

A broken door, barely on its hinges, is at your right and you know that’s it. A hard turn and you smack your arm into the frame. You grasp at your wrist as more tears prick your eyes.

“Fuck!” A familiar level of pain flares and you know it’s broken. Your eyes dart around the room, still looking for that unknown thing. A pile of smoking wood sits in front of you and your feet carry you to it. This was it.

You try hard to pull through the heavy, hot wood with your one arm. A cry comes from below, an anxiety flaring familiar cry. You pull harder and uncover and dirty and bloody Yelena.

“LENA!” you shout and help her out. Her hands held her stomach. She smiles sickly and then curls in pain.

“Y/N. You found me. I hoped you would. Quick kiss me. I don’t have long,” Your eyes widen and you move her hands. The sight of her stomach makes you sick. Turning to the side you retch and vile spills from your mouth. You wipe your mouth and shake your head, tears fall hard now.

“Lena no no. You’re fine. We can fix you. Please,” you slide your arm under her and try to pick her up but she screams and goes limp in your arms.

“FUCK Y/N! stop. There's no hope. Please just kiss me. I don’t want to die without that.” you shake your head more and set her down. You refused to accept her death.

“No Yelena you are not going to die here. You can’t die. You are too well trained. a-and… I can't live without you. it’ll be fine,” She tries to raise her head but then it falls and she spasms. Your eyes widen and you do your best to hold her still but your broken wrist shoots in pain.

“No no no NO!” you kiss her over and over. Fear pulses through you and when she relaxes completely you sob. Your head aches from the pressure of your sobs and your broken wrist protests. Maybe hours pass and you sit there with her dead body pressed to your chest, her blood and guts smearing all over you.

Then guilt overtakes the sadness. She asked you for one thing. One single kiss before she died and you didn’t fulfill that. You couldn’t give her everything she deserved in life or even in her final moments.

You wake up shaking and screaming. Yelena is awake next to you, crying and shaking your shoulder violently.

“Please Y/N,” she sobs, snot and tears mix and fall forgotten. You sit up barely able to hold yourself up. She is alive.

“Fuck Yelena what’s wrong?” Your dream haunts you. You search her stomach and her whole body for major wounds. She is obviously unsure what you are doing and grabs your face forcing you to look at her.

“Y-you were shaking and screaming and crying and I didn’t know what was wrong. If you were having a seizure or what.” You shake your head and take deep breaths.

“No, I'm good. Not seizure. R-Really…” your words falter and you stare off, caught up in the memory of the dream. Yelena snaps in front of you and hugs your arm. “Ah sorry. Bad dream. really, really bad dream.” you stare at her head unsure if this was the dream or if Yelena really was alive.

“D-do you want to tell me about it?” Her arms slide under yours and she holds you from the side. You shake your head and lay it on her shoulder. “Ok but if you do tell me. I’ll hold you until you fall asleep again.”

The thought of being asleep again makes you tense up. Yelena feels it and rubs your side softly. She kisses you in every way she knows you like and pets your head.

“I’m not going to sleep. I can’t live through that again. It made me think I was going to be alone. Please don’t leave me Lena. please. I don’t wanna die alone.” She frowns and hugs you tight.

“I’m never going to leave you. I’m here baby. I’m here.” She kisses your jaw softly and you nod. Relaxing again, you wrap your arms around her waist and kiss her shoulders.

“Y-you died. There was a fire and I broke my wrist and it was smokey and you got impaled and you died. You asked me to kiss you and I couldn’t accept the fact you were dying so I didn’t kiss you. I couldn’t give you what you deserve.” She frowns and kisses you.

“No Y/N. Don’t you dare. It was just a nightmare, that’s all. I’m NEVER leaving you. ok?” She holds your face and kisses you softly. The kiss lasts a while and you melt into your touch. Fears still paralyse you every couple hours but she holds you until the sun comes up. She knows exactly what you love and how to make you feel safe. She really wasn’t ever going to leave.

~

Weeks pass. You are sure you have gotten past the nightmare. You go to work everyday and Yelena stays home going through paperwork. When you come home the two of you snuggle and bliss fills you. Your mother doesn’t ask you to come to any more charity events and you think maybe, just maybe things are good.

Then Yelena gets called on the mission. When she tells you she will be gone for a week your mind reels. You can barely see straight as the dream vividly flashes through your brain. Yelena gets worried, grabbing your hand and you back away searching her body for any sign of blood.

“No. Lena please. What if you get hurt? I-I can’t. You promised you’d never leave.” Her eyes look at you apologetically.

“Don’t worry. I’m a professional. It’s just a small info gathering job. Absolutely no danger,” she smiles at you and sets a hand on your shoulder. You back away from her hand and lean your head back to force the tears back.

“Yelena… ok. Please. Don’t get hurt,” She nods and kisses your cheek grabbing her bag.

You spend the entire week at home. Anxiety grips you so hard that you can’t stand to go to work. A fever strikes and you throw up every evening at almost exactly 10:30. Work tells you to stay at home and probably go to the doctor. Honestly you’d rather go to work so you have less time to think about her.

Most of Yelena's missions don’t allow for her to contact you and the stress of it all has your brain thinking of her the entire time she’s gone. By the time Yelena is on her way back you have dropped 12 pounds. You hadn’t eaten, only bothering to get up to feed Fanny. A cold sweat coats your skin and you hold your arms to you. Blankets were too hot, but it was too cold without them.

The alarm on your phone signalling it’s time to feed Fanny goes off. You throw the blankets off and wipe dried tears. The tv screen flashes a “keep watching screen.” You aren’t really sure when it came up but your mind hadn’t registered the tv in a couple days.

When the door clicks unlocked you scream. Silence had filled the apartment for so long and the sound was louder than anything you’d ever heard. Fanny starts barking, running to the door, then coming back and sitting at your feet.

You fall to the ground clasping the food scoop. Fanny licks your face as tears fall. Every fear that had plagued you came to the forefront of your mind. What if it wasn’t Yelena? What if it was Hill telling you to come in? No, they would call you for that. But if Yelena was dead…

Arms wrap around and pick you up, setting you on the couch. You whip your head back and forth trying to catch a glance of who it is. In the back of your mind you know it's her, but for some reason you’d been convinced over the past week that she’s dead.

A warm towel wipes away dried tears and snot, and a soft hand holds yours. Tears blur your vision but you steady your breaths. The anxiety in your chest dissipates. You lean your head back forcing the tears in and look back to catch a look at the woman you love. But, instead of long blonde hair and soft round face,  you see long red hair, falling in waves.

“Lena? Did you have to dye your hair for the mission?” She frowns and shakes her head, setting down the towel.

“Fuck Y/N. I know you can’t remember but I hate having to keep telling you this,” The voice is not Yelena’s. It’s your friends. Wanda’s. Your eyes look her all over and you tense up confused.

“Tell me what Wanda? What’s wrong with Lena?” She grabs both your hands and looks at you with the softest expression she can muster.

“The fire Y/N. Do you remember? The fire where Lena…. She bled out,” The anxiety of the dream. No memory. The smoke, your raw throat, and the hours of sobbing.

You shake your head and quick breaths fill your lungs. Wanda tries to get you to calm down. Your vision spots while your brain searches for oxygen your hyperventilating can’t provide.

“Y/N please calm down. Please. FUCK! I promised to never use it without permission but between the two of you…” Red magic flows from her hands and wraps around your head. Your breathing slows down and your vision comes back. Wanda cradles your head and hums.

You reach up and see the tear streaks on her face. Her eyes look bloodshot and dark circles are prominent under her eyes. You pout and try to hug her back. All the fears that had consumed you for weeks were now gone. Even if it was only by Wanda’s magic. You curled into her side and fell asleep. Finally able to find some peace.

~

It was the night of the charity gala. You drove home but had taken the long way around to cool off from your mothers subtle aggression. Plans on how to ignore her future advances build in your mind as you pull into the parking garage. You stepped out of the car and held your head in your hands. You hadn’t drank that much, but a headache would be inevitable.

Sirens sound from the road in front of your complex and you growl. The loud noise and lights make your head pound. You shake your keys and walk towards the stairwell. Coughing into your arm and you open the door to your floor. You throw your hand back with a scream at the hot door handle.

“the fuck…? NO!” forgetting your pain you throw open the door and run into the building. Smoke flows from under doors and fire licks at the walls. The sound of the siren gets louder from some open window. You run through the halls trying your best to not breathe in smoke. Yelena would be asleep. She wouldn’t know what’s happening.

Your apartment door is on the right and you stand back and kick the handle. Your foot hurts as it contacts the rough wooden door but it cracks. You kick again and the door falls in. Running through the door you smack your arm into the frame and cry out in pain.

Fanny barks from one of the rooms and you follow the noise letting her run free into the hallway. You hope dearly that the dog finds her way out.

The entirety of your home is consumed in flames. Beams that held up the apartment above you are on the floor. The poor old couple who was always so nice. Hopefully they had gotten out before it collapsed. Running to your bedroom you try to open the door. It gives quickly but before you can get to Yelena a strong arm grabs at your back.

“What the? HEY!” you squirm trying to slip out of the grip. You have no luck and result to punching. Nothing makes the arms let you go as they pull you from the building. Along the way down you consider it may be a firefighter saving your life.

“Please. My girlfriend, she’s still in there. Please, she was asleep. Save her. I can get out,” you plead with your “saviour”. The person doesn’t acknowledge any words or attempts of movement. They just carry you out of the building back into the parking garage. At some point you began crying, fearing for your girlfriends and your neighbours lives.

You are carried to a car and roughly thrown in. Your broken wrist, now remembered, aches and you curl into a ball. The driver doesn’t speak to you and the person who carried you doesn’t get into the car with you. You didn’t register the person in the back seat with you until they cough. Or rather She coughs.

“Oh Y/N I’m glad we got you out ok. I was so scared we wouldn’t be able to get you out before the fire got you too,” Your eyes widen at the familiar voice and you sit up looking into her eyes. The pieces fall into place in your mind. No you’d never thought she’d be this cruel. Yet here you were, Yelena and Fanny. They were in there.

“You didn’t. no no you didn’t. You are cruel and hateful but not murderous,” you pull away as a hand strokes your cheek. Hate flashes behind your eyes.

“Oh honey. You will forgive me when you realise it was for the sake of the family. Like they always say; ‘Mother knows best.’”

(So it has been decided this is going to be a series. Follow and shoot me an ask if you wanted to be added to the tag list for updates)

DO NOT repost my work. Reblogs and Likes are appreciated. If you enjoy my work leave a comment!

[mashiraostail]

Hi I'm soft, can I please have a fix of Aizawa's S/O taking care of him after the USJ attack?

soft is the mood!

“Shouta, pick your head up.”  “it’s up-”  “No, it’s not, look straight ahead.” A pause as he shifts, then you huff, “thank you.” You comb careful fingers through his tangled hair. Normally you’d really be on his case about letting it get like this, but given the current circumstance..you supposed you couldn’t hold this against him, he was in practically a full-body cast, after all. You spray some more detangler into it.  “How do you feel?” You ask quietly, running a comb through the newly wet strands.  “The same.” His voice is indifferent, if he was in pain he wasn’t gonna tell you. You just hope he’s not lying.  “Not better or worse?”  “Just the same.” He nods again and you hum pulling all his hair back off his forehead and temples, away from his ears.  “I’m sorry.” “It’s not your fault.” He deflects you.  “I know. But I’m sorry you’re in pain.” You retort and he mutters something before saying louder,  “I’m not in pain. The medicine is fine. And recovery girl is doing her thing. I should be alright in no time.”  “Shouta. It doesn’t matter how you’re going to feel it matters how you feel now.” He can’t see you from his seat between your legs, but he can tell your frowning from the hardness in your voice. And you’re right.  “Yeah. It’s alright. Sorry I know I shouldn’t do that. It’s not that bad really. I get a headache sometimes, but for the most part the medicine works. ”  “It’s okay.” You kiss the back of his head and he slumps a little bit forward, you can tell he’s done talking about it. “Do you have the elastic?” He nods at it where it rests on the bedsheets by his leg. He can’t help but feel a little useless right now. He can’t do anything, not a single thing. He needed you or Hizashi for everything, he couldn’t even bend his fingers.  “Shouta Aizawa I am not going to tell you to pick your head up again.” You say it meaning to sound stern, but there’s a little laugh underneath it that makes him grin under all the bandages. In all fairness he appreciates your usual prodding, if you handled him like glass he’d honestly simply feel worse. “It just feels good.” He picks his head up again anyways, he couldn’t help it, you were effectively putting him to sleep, your fingers carefully slowly pulling through his hair, wrapping the strands around each other.  You just hum at him affectionately, pulling him back lightly by his hair to kiss the crown of his head again, “push that elastic over here.”  He does his best, it’s probably not as close as you wanted or much at all to really be helpful but you reach it anyways. “Thank you.” He just hums back at you.  “How is it?” You pull away after wrapping the tail of the braid in an elastic a few times, “not too tight?” Aizawa shakes his head as much as he can.  “It feels better this way, thank you.”  “It won’t get too tangled now either.” You hum, leaning back into his pillows and letting him follow, resting his tired frame against your chest.  “Are you exhausted?” You hum and he nods, he’s always tired sure but he can stay up usually...but right now...just sitting up for a few minutes while you cleaned him up was enough to put him out of commission, he’d only gotten up for the day a few hours ago and he already wanted to call it a night, it was hardly even noon. “Why don’t we take a little nap? I’m tired too honestly.” You wrap your arms around his shoulders gently, “and then when you wake up we can take off some of the bandages, recovery girl said she’d stop by as soon as she could this afternoon so we can leave them off for a little bit until she gets here, let everything breathe?”  “That sounds good.” It feels stupid to be so upset. he wasn’t mean to get like this, he was rational, level headed, but all he wanted to do right now was cover your arms where they rounded his shoulders, he wanted to hold you back.  “You know for, a guy who isn’t allowed to shower you still smell pretty nice.” He feels you press a long kiss to the skin behind his ear, one of the only places exposed. “Take a deep breath Sho.” You lean into him, “it’s alright.”  He falls asleep with relative ease after that. When he wakes up again you aren’t behind him anymore. A first aid kit is on his nightstand, and he can hear you pattering around. It takes about 5 minutes for you to find your way back in there.  “Oh! You’re awake!” You sit beside him, “recovery girl came while you were asleep. Feeling any better? You could have called when you woke up.”  He did, a little, and he felt worlds less swollen, though the looseness of the casts on his arms should indicate that to be a reality rather than just a feeling.  “I was gonna, I just woke up so it’s fine.” He shuffles a little bit and you nod. “You really did yourself no favors going back to teach so early.” You scold him, sitting before him in his bed.  “I had to.”  “No, you just let Hizashi talk you into every hair-brained scheme he comes up with.” You beacon for him to sit up, “you need to be more careful. I know you probably don’t want to hear this from me...” You start removing the casts on his arms, “but you seriously had me worried.”  You’d held off giving him this speech until now, he supposed he should hear you out.   “When I saw you all wrapped up in the hospital..” You carefully slide one off, “I thought I was as good as on my own again.” You start wrapping his arm in some tough feeling bandages, he guesses Recovery Girl healed the break, now it was just a crack, a sprain maybe. Either way, he probably had about 2 more days of these slings. “I’m proud of you for keeping your kids safe. I can’t say I would have done anything differently.” Your voice gets quiet, “but how would you feel if it were me sitting there like you right now?” He nods curtly at that, not even really wanting to imagine it.  You pull him toward you by his jaw and press a long kiss to his forehead, covered in bandages. “She said we could take these off now.” You add and he hums gratefully, “thank god.”  You unfasten the wrapping and slowly unwind it until his face is exposed. You’d seen his face a few times since the incident, taking bandages off to change them, it was only for a few minutes but still it was nice to see your boyfriend’s face instead of a mummy man. His nose is wrapped up in a splint and there’s a row of stitches under his eye but at least it’s still Shouta. A couple of extra bumps and bruises sure, but Shouta nonetheless.  “I’m so proud of you Shouta.” You take his jaw in incredibly tentative hands, unsure of what hurt or felt tender without the support of the bandages. “You’re really strong..” Your voice is somehow softer than your hands on his skin. He clears his throat, you’d been together a long time and he always knew you loved him sure but it was palpable right now.  “I just did what anyone else would do...” He’s really not used to all the priase, part of being an underground hero he supposed. You chuckle at that. “I should have guessed you’d say something like that.” You tuck a loose strand of hair back into it’s braid, “either way, you’re really brave. Those kids are lucky to have you...I’m lucky to have you too.”  “It’s been 10 days since we kissed.” You can tell he’s trying to slink out of the spotlight, despite the only people in the room being the pair of you.  “Maybe that’s why you haven’t started feeling any better.” You laugh as you move to sit beside him on the edge of the bed.  “That’s a pretty good theory.” He agrees leaning forward a bit, of course you oblige him, you hated to sound selfish but you missed him like this, you didn’t mind taking care of him and you always would be there to do it whenever he needed you but he got broody about it...well more broody than normal. Getting to feel him relax into a kiss was nice.  “well now that that’s out of the way, we really could use a shave. Stay there.” You stand up and he groans, “I could just go into-”  “No way mister tough guy.” You shake your head at him, “you wanted to go to the sports festival, and teach so bad even with all your broken ribs? Well this is the price you pay. Until Recovery girl says the breaks are all healed you aren’t getting out of that bed when I’m around, do you hear me?” You sit back down, “save your energy for the kids. I’m here and I wanna help, so let me.”  He supposed he couldn’t argue with that, and your hands felt mesmerizingly nice on the sides of his neck and jaw, his eyelids are heavy by the time you’re done with him, carefully patting his newly shaven skin dry.  “Thank you.” He lets his head drop back into the pillows and you hum, “my pleasure.” You say it like it’s nothing, it rolls off you like water, he can’t put into words how much that puts him at ease.  “No, seriously, thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He opens his eyes and looks up at you, “I’m really lucky to have you.” He turns your words back around on you. “I’m glad I’ve got you worrying about me.”  “Make me worry like this again and you’re dead meat, Shouta.”  He huffs out a quiet laugh at that, “I don’t know, I think some broken ribs, 2 broken arms a broken leg, broken nose and a fractured orbital plate was well worth it for all the extra attention I’ve been getting.”  “If you want more attention just ask! Don’t break every bone in your body you maniac!”  You wanna wack the back of his head but you stop yourself. He just looks really happy with himself, “but it’s sweet when you worry.”  “I can worry about you without you almost dying!” You can’t even pinch his nose because of the splint, “seriously Shouta!”  “Alright, alright I’m kidding.” He insists, “come relax a little.”  You don’t argue, instead you just climb into bed beside him.  “How’s it feel?” You reach out and brush your hand over his jaw, “I didn’t shave it all, you’d look naked.” He laughs as you lean back against him, “I appreciate that, and It feels better, thank you.” You hum and turn his head toward you.  “It’s good to see your face.” You thumb affectionately at his cheeks and he clears his throat as you continued, “I missed it.”  “Yeah I...guess it’s good to be seen.” 

[tatooedlaura-blog]

Shadowed Grey Eyes

the continued rollercoaster of the cancer arc ...

Our Moments: Chapter 1: Five Words (post-Leonard Betts) Chapter 2: Sidebar Nonsense (post-Memento Mori) Chapter 3: Interim (floating somewhere around Unrequited) Chapter 4: Max 2.0 (post-Tempus Fugit/Max) Chapter 5: Shadowed Grey Eyes @today-in-fic

&&&&&&&&&&

He heard her cough in the next room. He’d been spending more nights there, claiming whatever the hell he wanted because she was getting thinner, quieter, slower. She was looking at him with pale eyes that counted the minutes until she could go to sleep. He carried her luggage for her, even though she insisted she could do it but then left him to put it in the car while she settled in, head back, eyes closed before the engine had time to warm.

He heard her cough in the next room and silent footfall sneaking down the hall, he saw her sitting up in bed. Not wanting to scare her, he knocked lightly on the bedroom doorframe before, “you okay?”

Sliding off the bed, she stumbled past him, the blood showing plainly on her shirt, smeared across her neck, “can you deal with that, please?”

Mulder looked in the room, seeing the dark spot on her pillow. Closing his eyes briefly, he took a deep breath, then went to work, stripping the sheets, presoaking them in her washing machine while he dunked the pillow in her now filling bathtub, invading Scully’s own cleanup efforts in the bathroom. Neither thought anything of it at this point, having shared the burden of vomit, blood, tears, and fear in equal measure. Back in the bedroom, he replaced the linens, fluffed a second pillow, then found her clean pajamas, handing them to her while she sat on the closed toilet, bringing herself back to some semblance of quiet center amongst the chaos.

Settling himself on the edge of the bathtub after he turned it off, water leeching the blood from the pillow, he played with the hem of the clean shirt he’d just handed her, “need some help?”

And instead of a ‘yes’ or ‘no’, she simply banged her fist against his thigh in frustration, standing, dropping the clothes to the floor, pounding her still clenched hand now on the bathroom counter, rattling soap and toothbrush. He stopped her as soon as he could, grabbing her arms, “hey … hey!”

“What?! Let go of me.”

“No. Come pound the mattress or a pillow or something but you keep doing that to the counter and you’re going to crack the shit out of your hands.”

She fought him for another second, then caught sight of herself in the mirror, Mulder behind her, agonized look clear on his face. The fight left her instantly and holding his reflected gaze, “I’m so tired.”

Enveloping arms around shoulders, gentle for fear of breaking her frail bones, he pulled her back against his chest, head dropped down beside hers, “your bed’s ready so let me help you change and you can go back to sleep.”

Both knew that wasn’t the tired she was referring to, “I can change if you wouldn’t mind getting me some juice, please?”

Some days, she did need his help but he never pushed, “back in a minute.” She was just slipping her clean shirt over her head when he returned, Mulder dutifully ignoring her white back and the ribs he could see as she stretched, “apple is all we have left. I can go shopping for more tomorrow, if you’d like.”

Thinking only of her bed at this point, she didn’t answer, noticing the towel he’d spread over her pillow in case it happened again. She stood there, shoulders hunched, looking at that towel until Mulder asked quietly, “would you like me to take it off?”

“No. That’s the problem.” Turning, she regarded him, brute force honestly the call of the night, “I’ll need it again and I don’t have enough sheets and pillowcases to do this more than once a night.”

Her hair limp, her eyes shadowed grey, her skin a sallow cream, he handed her the juice box, straw at the ready, as he leaned in and kissed her cool temple, “I’m going to bunk in here tonight, all right?”

Barely a nod, he retrieved his pillow and quilt, waiting until she had climbed in bed before turning out the light, moving to his side of the queen size mattress. The washing machine hummed from the hall, every so often a car would swish past through a puddle, and a steady rain tatted the windows. He wasn’t tired, years of sleepless nights preparing him for the next eight hours. Reaching across the bed to her, he gently set his thumb on her forehead, rubbing lightly in circles, “this okay?”

His palm warmed her cheek and shutting her eyes, “yeah … yes … thank you.”

He rubbed another minute or two, then scooted himself carefully closer, “I’m cold. Keep me warm.”

“Mulder.”

“What? It’s freezing in here.”

“It’s May.”

“What’s your point?”

She did love him so completely at times, it was almost funny, “I apparently don’t have one. Come here.”

Receiving the green flag for approach, he invaded the rest of her space, “you should roll over. My breath is going to kill you.”

He’d brushed his teeth right before bed but this was their way as of late so she rolled, soon painted on him, feeling small yet perfect instead of small yet dying … at least for the moment. He was warm, though, God, he was warm.

It didn’t take long to slip into half-sleep, perpetual dull headache moving to the background for what she hoped was the rest of the night, “if we could take a drive right now, where would we go?”

He wanted to cry at the prospect of her being too sick to wander with him, be it down the road, across the country or around the world, “I’d like to drive through Ireland. There are at least 10000 shades of green and air so pure it would probably scare the hell out of my lungs. We’d look for leprechauns and rainbows and drink beer and eat fish and never come home.”

“Would you find a nice Irish girl to settle down with? Have eight or nine kids?”

Kissing the back of her head, “I’ve found a nice Irish girl already and I don’t need kids, just her.”

“What if I find a nice man in a kilt?”

“That’s Scotland.”

“Sorry. I think I’m almost asleep. Would you wear a kilt if I asked you to?”

Knowing they were about to stumble into nonsense territory, he let himself enjoy it, “I’d have to go authentic. Nothing underneath.”

“Except maybe … your nice,” her words slurred sideways, “Irish girl.”

He had to stash that one away for another time, “where would you go?”, anything to keep her talking to him for one more second, anything to hear her voice one more time before she fell asleep.

“A quiet farmhouse with a wraparound porch and chairs to rock in. Maybe a birdhouse and a welcome mat and a dog to sit on it. We’d have a long driveway and a gate at the end and your couch and my bed.” Turning in his arms, she slipped her hand over his side, leg in between his, “it’d be perfect.”

Praying to a God he didn’t believe in for the healed soul of the woman he did, he moved his head to find her lips, pressing them tightly to his, whispering into her mouth, “I love you.”

She was already asleep, however, dreaming of an unremarkable house in a healed future that was rapidly slipping away, one cancerous cell at a time

[rothjuje]

Woke up with a headache and sore throat for the second day in a row. Home rapid test was negative. Whyyyyy. (I know I had it, Alyssa’s PCR was positive last week) George woke up fever free but is still very grumpy and refusing food, I wonder if he has my symptoms/shitty immune system. Justin and I were both fully vaxxed and boostered (granted our original vax was J&J), so I can only imagine how I’d feel if we hadn’t recently gotten boosted with Moderna. Although Alyssa’s ped says the original vaccines don’t do much for omicron. So. Who knows.

Or I could feel like crap because the babes were up for an hour in the middle of the night and Hef was up for two. Is there a louder sound than dog nails clicking against hardwood in the dead of the night?

Hef. So for two months he had the weirdness (excessive thirst and urination) and for two months after that he seemed like he was in pain/dying and the vet couldn’t find anything wrong (why we decided on palliative care). Then a month ago he...snapped out of it? He started walking normally, has been very energetic, tail wagging again. I’m so confused. But also glad we didn’t put him down because eek.

Honestly? Dogs stress me out. They’re like toddlers in a way. A lot of work, a lot of $$$, need care in the middle of the night, can be huge and rarely listen (like our other doggo). I feel heartless saying this, but I am definitely not a dog person. I’m jealous of all the people who are. Cats are so independent and soft and beautiful. And so snuggly. I would have 5 cats if Justin would let me. I love my chickens and I love guinea pigs and fish and all the easier animals. To me, a dog isn’t just an animal. They need a higher level of care, walks, engagement. I don’t know how people do multiple dogs, especially with multiple young children.

Even though the last of our covid bout still remains, I’m content. No major drama. Moving plans solidified and signed for. Visits on the horizon. Three (mostly) healthy children and a partner that actually is a partner and contributes to the functionality/well-being of our home.

Re: staying with someone you don’t like. I get the financial reasons and kid reasons for sure. And fear of being alone. But what I don’t get is the... attachment to an unhealthy relationship. Friends have said things like well I’ve already put 10 years of my life into it so I might as well stay etc. If you don’t like someone, wouldn’t the drive to find someone you do like take over? Or do people really think someone will change after 5 years, 10 years, 15 years...? And I guess I’m stuck on the common complaint of “he doesn’t contribute.” Why would people want to be with someone that doesn’t pull their weight?

[starksvixen]

Best Shot - Part 2

Warnings: mild blood and gore, mentions of death, shooting scene, some harsh angst, mentions of sexuality (no smut), swearing

Word Count: 1325

Prologue - Part 1 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 (finale)

-~- 

Here’s the plan. Burgess and Ruzek had gotten in contact with one of Quentin’s sellers. Jay would go undercover as a buyer, inquiring about buying one of the girls. He was to talk to Quentin about the specific Jane Doe to try and locate the rest of the girls that the trafficker had hidden. Once there was enough information, Jay would position Quentin into a specific spot where you could knock him with a bullet.

That’s where you were stationed now, watching as Jay spoke with Quentin, his hands in his pockets. You trailed the duo through the scope of your sniper, watching each step with your finger ready to fire. Suddenly, you see Quentin reach behind him and pull a gun on Jay. He had been compromised. Only problem was, Jay was in front of Quentin, blocking your shot.

“(Y/L/N), do you have a clear shot?” Voight’s voice echoes in your ear.

“Almost, I just need Jay to move a little bit to the left.”

“No, it’s too risky, don’t take the shot. Do you hear me, (Y/L/N)? Do not take that shot!” 

Quentin steps closer to Jay, shakily adding pressure to the trigger of his own gun.

“Sir! He’s going to fire on Jay, this is my only chance!” you say into your comms.

You inhale, your finger slowly beginning to add pressure to the trigger. A sigh reverberates in your ear.

“Do it.”

Jay moves to the side just in time for you to exhale, sending a bullet narrowly close to Jay’s head but a dead hit in Quentin’s shoulder. The offender is shot to the floor, sending blood everywhere, and Jay quickly disarms him before holding pressure to the wound. 

You quickly pack up your gun and make your way down to the scene. By the time you arrive, Quentin is being loaded into an ambulance with cuffs on his wrists. Laying your case into a squad car, you spot Jay exiting the building. However, when his eyes meet yours. it’s obvious he’s ticked. Storming over to you, he runs a hand through his hair.

“Do you know what you did in there! He was going to give me all the locations of his girls but you shot him!”

“He was just going to kill you after telling you, Jay! I couldn’t let him do that! Voight told me to take the opportunity I had!” 

“Yeah well dying is part of the job description. You got lucky, (Y/L/N). One inch off and it would have been me in that ambulance...”

“So what? You don’t trust my shot anymore?”

“I don’t trust your judgement to keep your feelings out of our work!” 

That was the last straw. You hide your tears and rip off your bulletproof vest, shoving it into Halstead’s chest as your glare daggers at him. 

“Don’t expect me home tonight,” 

And with that, you walk away. Little did you know, the minute those words left Jay’s mouth he was filled with regret. He had hurt the woman he loves the most.

-~- 

“Didn’t expect to see you here tonight, (Y/N).” a familiar voice says from beside you.

Gently slamming the whiskey glass to the bar’s top, you look to see Connor seated beside you fresh from a shift at Med. With a soft, slightly tipsy smile, you wave down the bartender and order a drink for both of you.

“It was a hard case tonight,” you reply.

“Was it the case that was hard or the guy you had to work with?” 

You both take a drink of the hard liquor at the same time, a soft sigh ghosting your lips. Connor and you were friends with benefits, especially after you were hurt by your perspective partners. When Jay told you about him and Erin, you fell into the handsome doctor’s arms. When Robin left Connor to go home, you had to help him sneak out of you and Jay’s apartment the next morning. After Jay asked you about the ring he picked out for Erin, you helped christen Connor’s new apartment. After Ava killed herself in front of him and Jay had pushed you away because of his heartbreak, you and Connor practically didn’t speak for a week. Just sex. 

Because of your many encounters, both of you had grown close as friends. Both of you knew each other’s work and romantic hardships. Without the sex, you guys were close drinking buddies. The bed hopping was an added bonus. A release of anger and frustration from your perspective situations. 

“He kinda made it clear tonight how he felt,” you reply, taking another long sip of the burning liquid. 

“Yeah, that always sucks,” 

“Says you! You’re nothing but a chick magnet!” 

“Hey! I’ve had my fair share of losses,”

Both of you end up in a fit of laughter, sharing drink after drink as the night goes on. Eventually, as the bar begins to close, you find yourself riding to his apartment in his Porsche. His lips upon yours in a drunken frenzy. Your naked selves tangled in his sheets as you sleep the night away.

-~- 

The smell of fresh coffee and scrambled eggs battles the killer hangover headache that greets you when your eyes open up. Where Connor always slept is empty, but he had laid one of his shirts there for you to wear when your body decided it was time to fight your hangover. With a soft smirk, you put it on and walk out to Connor’s kitchen. 

“Thank god for days off,” you say as you grab a mug from the cupboard.

“No such luck for me, I got a surgery in an hour.” Connor replies as he finishes cooking. 

“Damn, what a shame.” you say as you steal a piece of cheese from beside Connor, earning a slap on the hand and a smirk. 

“Hey! That’s meant to go in the eggs, not your mouth.”

“There are a lot of things that can go in my mouth, Dr. Rhodes” you say with a wink.

A knock on the door reverberates in the semi - empty apartment as Connor hands you the plate of eggs. He walks out to answer it, leaving you to eat and enjoy the gracious sip of coffee. Your little moment is interrupted when you hear Jay’s voice raising. 

Quickly putting your meal down, you rush over to the front door. Jay hasn’t changed from last night but to you, that didn’t matter. He still made the feeling of butterflies rise into your stomach.

“What are you doing here?” you ask as you back Connor away from the door.

“You weren’t answering my calls or texts, I thought something had happened,” he replies, not noticing Connor’s shirt on you.

“Yeah, you being a dick happened, Jay.”

“Look, I’m sorry, (Y/N).” 

That’s when he notices Connor’s shirt on you, the hickies from last nights events making anger fill his eyes.

“But I can see you had other plans...” he growls.

“What does it matter to you who I sleep with?! Jay for fucks sake, ever since Erin left you act like you own me! But you don’t! You chose her over me!”

Tears fill your eyes as realization fills his. 

“I’ll pick up what I need from the apartment later on. I can’t do this anymore, Halstead.”

You slam the door as tears race down your face like race cars on a track. Holding a hand on your mouth, you muffle your cries as your free hand holds onto your torso. Gently, Connor pulls you into a hug, giving you the comfort you needed but from the wrong guy. 

“I’ll help you get what you need and you can crash with me.”

With a soft nod, you wrap your arms around him tightly. 

Not once had you missed a shot in the past 10 years. But here you were.

You had missed your shot with Jay.

Tag List: (leave a comment to be added)

@annaallicce​ @ikleesfiction​ @weepingfestivalmentality @ shipshipshipau

[myficdump]

October 12: Broken Heart

This is a continuation of day 11. The planet Luke is on is something I made up. Asks/comments are greatly appreciated, thanks for reading! <3

_________________________________________

‘Please father, you’re my only hope.’ 

Vader had felt nothing but sheer panic for the last two days. He didn’t know what was happening to Luke and if he was going to die soon. It felt like it. His son sent waves of terror and panic down their bond which in turn caused him to feel the same emotion. After Luke pleaded and begged for his help, he demanded to know what was going on. 

‘Where are you??? What is happening???’ 

‘I’ve been captured by slavers,’ his son sent. ‘I think I’m on a planet called Enoh.’ 

Fear filled Vader. His son had been captured by slavers. Horrid, despicable, slavers. Anger quickly replaced his fear and anything not bolted down in the empty meeting room began to shake. He would not allow his son to be stolen and used by those animals. Not ever. He was free and so was his son.  

‘Please hurry father,’ Luke begged. ‘They planted a chip into my leg. I can’t run or fight against them. I don’t want to be sold.’ 

Vader’s heart broke. His son was born free! Luke wasn’t ever supposed to be a slave. 

He stood from his seat and tried his best to send soothing feelings to his son. Not a single one of those animals was going to be left alive once he got his hands on them. 

‘I’m coming, my son.’ 

* * * * * 

Luke had nearly cried in relief when he heard those words. His father was going to save him. Soon he would be free of this nightmare and far away from this place. 

Every minute seemed to be worse than the first. Once his guard had reached the vile looking building, Luke stumbled at the door and fell. The man didn’t bother to stop. He just continued to walk and dragged Luke deep into the place, choking him and nearly cutting his airflow off. 

He was thrown into a dimly lit room, the only light source being what poured in from small windows. His fellow occupants broke his heart. They were children. If he had to guess, the youngest was around 5. The poor dears were terrified. And yet they tried to calm him down and give him advice. 

“Don’t make much noise,” the oldest, who had to be around 11, whispered. “They get mad.” 

Luke nodded and carefully pushed himself up. His arm movement was limited but he grabbed the youngest and wrapped his robes around him. The poor kid was shaking. 

“We’re going to get out of here,” he shakily whispered. “My… My friend is on his way. He will free us.” 

The kids didn’t look hopeful. It made his heart sink further. Just how long had these children been here? It made his headache worse as tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. 

No one talked after that. The children were too afraid to. They curled up to him one by one, soaking up his warmth until all four of them were pressed up against him. 

Luke didn’t know what to do. Nothing he could say would help anything. So he focussed on his bond with his father and the hope his father was sending him. 

*****

Getting to Enoh had taken far longer than Vader had liked. Even with his star destroyer, one of the faster ships in the fleet, it had taken two days to arrive. The only good thing to come out of it was his obsessive planning. Everything was perfect. He had the head of communications on his ship send out a message to the vile slavers on Enoh informing them of his interests in… purchasing… a few slaves. 

They would never see it coming. As soon as Vader had his hands on Luke, he was going to disable the chip and slaughter those animals. One by one, he was going to relish in striking each and everyone of them down. It’s what they deserved. They would never again touch his son. 

And if his master found out, which he most likely will, he would reassure Palpatine that they were a threat to the Empire and he tore them down. It wasn’t a lie. This group had been attacking imperials and robbing them blind. Along with kidnapping citizens of the Empire. It would satisfy Palpatine for it would bring public morale up and cause them to adore him for fixing the problem. 

He would never suspect that Vader was doing this for his son. Turning his son in to his master was something that caused bile to rise in his throat. Luke would never serve under his master.

“Lord Vader! We have permission to land on the planet.” 

Vader stood up from his desk and made his way to his door. Standing behind it was Admiral Piett. 

“Good. Prepare my shuttle and inform the doctor to have his equipment ready.”

“Yes sir!” Admiral Piett hurried away and Vader watched for a moment before heading down to the dock. 

‘I’m here son.’ 

An hour later, Vader was finally where he needed to be. He stood in the dining room, staring at his son. The condition Luke was in enraged him. He was collared and bruised and cuts littered his body. Although he knew Luke was not dying, he looked like he was on the verge death. 

“He’s a pretty one, ain’t he?” The head slaver carrased Luke’s cheek. “Not only that, but he’s a Jedi too. He’ll be a hefty price.” 

“I am well aware.” Vader clenched his fists. He was so close. He just needed to get his hands on his son and then he could deactivate the chip with the Force. His son was going to be safe. “Money is not an issue. It has already been wired to you.” 

The slaver chuckled and shoved Luke toward Vader. “Business with you has been a pleasure, Lord Vader. I hope to do so with you again.” 

Vader ignored him, kneeling down to pretend he was inspecting Luke’s leg. “And the chip? Is it a fake?” He reached out with the Force and quickly deactivated it. Now he could wreck these animals and Luke would be safe. He rose back to his feet. 

“Oh yes, it’s-”

Vader didn’t allow him to finish his sentence. He raised a hand and clenched his fist, choking the man. Luke was gathered into his chest with his other arm and as much as he could manage, he sent waves of comfort to his son. 

‘You are safe now, young one. They will never again harm you.’ 

Something snapped inside his son, causing Luke to sob into his chest.

Panic flashed through his eyes. “I gave you what you wanted!” he gasped. “I gave you a Jedi!” 

“My son is not a slave,” Vader growled, his vocoder booming. 

The slaver’s face paled as he realized his mistake. He was dead before he could say anything else. 

Vader dropped his body, and turned his attention back towards his son. “I need you to wait in my shuttle. Medical attention is on board and soon you will be safe.” 

“The children,” Luke gasped. “You have to help them! They-They were with me.” 

“I will. You have my word.” 

Luke calmed a bit and slumped into his hold. “Thank you father,” he whispered. “Thank you for coming to rescue me.” 

Vader said nothing. He rubbed Luke’s back for a moment before gently pulling him away. He used the Force to snap Luke’s collar and chains, freeing him. The bruising was much worse than he had believed. Seeing it caused another wave of anger to hit him and picked Luke up to carry him back to his shuttle. 

Soon, his lightsaber ignited his hands, he struck down every animal in the building. They would never again breathe another breath. They would never again harm a hair on his son’s head. 

Nothing remained of them and Luke was reunited with the children along with others who had been enslaved. Seeing them gave Luke hope that maybe there still was good in his father. He wasn’t the same monster Luke had faced on Bespin. Perhaps Anakin was still alive inside his father. It filled him with relief and determination. 

Whatever happened next, Luke was sure that his father would return to the Light. He would do anything to assure it.

[teachingtales]

Migraines

I am writing this for those of you who:

don’t have migraines, but know someone who does and want to know more

don’t have migraines, but may develop them later

do have migraines and don’t really know how to tell other people about them, so you can find some phrases that may help here (or just link them)

My mother had migraines, and I never did. I remember asking her what it was like, and was told, “It’s like a really bad headache.” In no way did that prepare me for migraines. I started getting them after getting disabled in the Marines with neurological issues. I honestly thought I was having a brain aneurysm or something. Was I dying? Is there a parasite boring through my brain and trying to find its way outside of my skull? 

It turned out to be a migraine. 

Later on, I lost strength in my left side. I was confused, dizzy. Is this a stroke? I went to the veterans hospital. Nope, it’s “just” another form of migraine. Uh...cool?

What is a migraine?

Unlike regular headaches that have many causes, migraines are a neurological disorder. You may have another neurological disorder that also produces migraines, or your neurological disorder may produce migraines as the primary problem. Migraines affect about 10% of the population, making them the most common neurological disorder. 

How can I tell if I get migraines?

Being the giant nerd I am, I looked up the etymology of the word and it comes from Greek. The original word is “hemikrania”, with “hemi” as “half” and “kranion” is “skull”, and you can see that over time the “he” part was dropped off. 

While there are lots of different symptoms of a migraine, this is actually one of the most defining symptoms...that’s probably why they chose this name. The head pain will happen only in half of your skull, either the left side or right side. A single migraine event can switch sides, but they won’t hurt at the same time. I usually get migraines on my left side, but occasionally they happen on the right instead. I’d say it’s about 95-5 for the split. 

A friend asked me if having them on the right side was any better or worse, and it’s a great question. The answer is: they still suck the same way, just on the other side. Although I will say that they’re almost worse in a way, because I have my habits to compensate for my left-side migraines and have to alter all of those habits. It’s not terribly annoying, objectively-speaking, but when you’re in the middle of a migraine it is annoying.

If you experience severe pain on half of your head, see a doctor. You probably are having a migraine.

What is it like to have a migraine? What are the symptoms?

This is what I wish I knew going into them. The pain severity can be “oh this really sucks” to “aslasfoiafjagjglkagnlgfjajwoi”, and I use that keyboard smash because when the pain is severe you can barely talk. Think of getting a brain freeze. You know how you stop doing everything to address the pain in your head that’s suddenly there? Imagine that level of pain for several hours. This is what it’s like to have a severe pain migraine. You can’t think of anything else, you can’t even sleep. 

While “really frickin’ bad head pain” is what most people know about for a migraine, there really are tons of other symptoms. As a neurological condition, it can cause syptoms like:

nausea and vomiting

diarrhea 

diarrhea and vomiting together

sudden dizziness (for anyone that’s been blackout drunk, it’s like that period right before you black out, where you’re really dizzy), and you end up walking in a swaying motion, sometimes falling down or falling into walls...it really looks like you’re drunk

loss of coordination, so it’s hard to do things like open a small package or tie your shoes

loss of strength in arm, hand, leg, and/or foot, making it difficult to walk

change in perception of temperature, including wild swings between shivering shaking cold and sweating hot

sensitivity to everything: lights, smells, sounds, tastes, touches...all of these increase the symptoms you’re already feeling

confusion or “brain fog”, which lead to things like you losing your train of thought mid-sentence, forgetting what you’re doing while you’re doing it, inability to focus, difficulty talking

slurred speech (sounds like you’re quite drunk)

suddenly feeling incredibly tired

slipping into sleep  without warning when seated or lying down (not great during commutes on the bus or subway)

changes in vision, such as blurred vision, changes in color perception, seeing “auras” around things, missing one eye’s vision, or having chunks of your vision missing

Sometimes you know when you’re about to get a migraine. This is called “prodrome”, but since most people don’t know this term I just call it a “starter migraine” or “I’m on the edge of a migraine.” If you can catch yourself in this period, you may be able to prevent the migraine with medication. The prodrome period depends on the person and takes a while to get used to, and you won’t always get them. Sometimes you just HEY MIGRAINE, sometimes you wake up and already have a migraine. You’re not guaranteed any prior warning. 

The opposite is the “postdrome”, which I just call the “after-effects of the migraine” because most people don’t know what “postdrome” is. As you can see from the symptoms, it’s quite intense. As a result, you’re left exhausted, drained, sometimes sore, and often feeling a bit vulnerable, like anything you do will cause you pain or bring the return of the migraine. Even though the migraine is over, you still can’t get back to your normal activities. It depends on the person, but it can be quite common to experience the postdrome. As with the prodrome, you may not have this. 

What triggers a migraine?

What is so frustrating about migraines is that there are so, so many triggers, and they’re often inconsistent. Sometimes, they’re even opposing. 

caffeine can help during a migraine, but too much caffeine without having a migraine can trigger a migraine; and sometimes caffeing during a migraine makes it worse

chocolate can trigger a migraine but I personally have not experienced this

strong cheeses can trigger a migraine, but as with chocolate I never experienced this

 low blood sugar due to skipped meals can trigger a migraine 

too much sugar can trigger a migraine

changes in air pressure 

changes in humidity

dehydration

too much exercise 

not enough exercise

moving around too much

too much lying down or sitting

stress is a common trigger

cold, such as cold weather or cold items touching the skin

running/jogging

bright lights, especially flashing lights

loud sounds of any type (human, booming sounds, construction)

vomiting also can trigger migraines, such as if you’re sick with something else or if you have bulimia

being sick with another illness can stress out the body to trigger a migraine

I’ve had relatives ask if I can “just move to another place” to avoid things like storms, and that’s not an option. While stormy, rainy weather is a common trigger, so is bright sunshine (especially if dehydrated)...which rules out most of the world during summertime. 

I was enjoying Avengers: Endgame until I realized that the sounds and light were hurting, and I was shoved into one of the worst migraines I’ve had. I had no prior warning, I otherwise had felt fine that day, but after a couple hours of loud booming noises coupled with bright flashes, it triggered a migraine. 

As you can see, this is really a difficult thing to manage. Some people get rare or occasional migraines, but people like me have chronic migraines. “Chronic migraines” are classified as “having at least 15 per month”, but in my case I will get them daily if I don’t take my medication and do my best to avoid all these triggers. Just this morning, I woke up around 06:30 and a couple hours later a migraine came because of the weather so I went to take a nap, but that made the migraine worse because I was lying down too much. I woke up in more pain and had to go for a walk (after taking my noon medication) for it to try to subside. 

What are the treatments for migraines?

No matter which route you take, you will always have to do your lifestyle changes. This means making sure you have plenty of water, don’t skip meals, manage stress, etc. 

You can take medication. I have medication I take a few times a day, and another one I take for when I feel a migraine breaking through. If that also fails, I take an injection at home. 

You can take supplements. There are things like butterbur, magnesium, catnip, ginger, and other things. Look online and include the words “migraine study” with the supplement name. This way you can see how effective it was, and the dosage. Check the company as well to see if they’re reputable. In places like the USA, supplements are not regulated so companies may put other ingredients instead. You can also make extracts or teas with things like catnip and ginger. Send a PM if you want to know how to do that. It’s easy. 

You can get Botox. I haven’t tried this but some people swear by it. The price was out of my range and I was told that it would impede my range of motion; since I lift weights, I didn’t want to deal with that. My regular doctor told me that my migraines are managed “well enough” with medication and I can’t expect any better with Botox; in other words, it’d be a waste of my money. But if you are having problems managing yours with medication, then see if Botox works for you. 

Other treatments for migraines include:

resting in a dark room

sunglasses or yellow-lens glasses

ice pack on the pain area (or a cold pillow)

stretching (but this can increase pain in some cases)

going to sleep

drinking water

drinking caffeine (coffee, energy drink, green tea, any source is fine)

eating a small meal if you haven’t eaten yet; preferably something with sugar, like fruit or fruit juice

binaural beats (this is my sound-video of choice, but be careful because there’s a loud “BING” type of sound at the beginning)

no screen time 

removing strong smells (such as cleaning the cat’s litter box if it has feces or urine)

not eating anything with a strong flavor, and avoid spicy food

don’t wear a bra

don’t wear anything tight/snug around your waist or upper body, to include: tight waistbands, pantyhose, snug belts, corsets. If you need a belt, wear it looser than normal

If I’m at work and having a vomiting + head pain type of migraine, I will make myself a mix of electrolyte drink (like Powerade) + an energy drink and sip it. This helps get some caffeine and helps wake me up a bit, plus it helps re-hydrate me. 

Not a treatment, but apparently if you get migraines as a child or teen, finishing puberty can somehow result in your migraines stopping, so that’s cool, but it doesn’t always happen because migraines are apparently a gift from some kind of trickster deity.

Are migraines dangerous?

Chronic migraines can unfortunately increase your risk of stroke in your forties. 

Chronic vomiting, if you get this as a common symptom, can have a negative impact on your teeth and muscles...including your heart. If you get chronic vomiting, ask your doctor about any supplements (like potassium or magnesium) that they can prescribe to help mitigate the muscle issues. Wash your mouth out with water after vomiting (this is what my dentist recommended...I asked about baking soda, but they said to just do water. Do not brush your teeth because it can do more damage, but if the post-vomit taste in your mouth is going to trigger more vomiting, gargle with mouthwash or drink some juice).

I don’t get migraines but know someone who does. How can I help?

You are a beautiful person for wanting to help. How you help depends on where you are...you can’t lie down and take a nap when you’re at the grocery store, for example. Ask the person what they need, and remind them that it’s okay to sit down or stay home. We’ll often feel guilty about having to cancel plans, so let them know it’s okay. 

If it’s around a meal time, bring them something kind of bland that they can pick at. This can include hard boiled eggs (peeled and cut into quarters or halves), sliced bananas, peeled/shelled nuts, rice balls, cooked potato pieces (chips, crisps, french fries, roasted potato cubes), small pieces of cooked chicken breast, bread that has been cut into cubes, cubed or sliced apple or pear. 

Be prepared to make an ice pack, which needs to be wrapped in a small towel. Some people have never used an ice pack before and you cannot put it on your skin directly. It needs to be wrapped in a small towel or shirt. If you don’t have an ice pack, frozen vegetables/fruit in an unopened package works. If not, put ice cubes into a zipper baggie and then wrap that in a cloth. If you have a loved one who gets migraines and visits often, buy a small ice pack to keep at your home. This is a pouch with a gel in it, and it is quite inexpensive. You can find them at pharmacies or large stores with a pharmacy section. 

In closing, migraines suck and I’m sorry if you get them. Please have some memes I made.

I thought I had more but I guess not or I forgot where I put them. Feel free to share or ask questions.

[nativestarwrites]

First Lines of Last 20….

Guidelines: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20,  just list them all.)

Choose your favorite opening line, tag some friends!

Thanks for the tag @impossiblepluto and @nade2308!

1. Out of It

Russ rolled the car to a stop on Mac’s drive, cutting the engine before turning to check on his passenger. Mac’s eyes were shut, his head tipped back into the space between the seat and the door at an angle that was sure to leave him with a sore neck if he stayed there.

2. Crash Out

Jack doesn’t mean to fall asleep. Actually, Jack doesn’t even remember falling asleep, but he wakes up in the middle of the night on Mac’s sofa so logically, he did fall asleep.

3. Sea Anchor

“Hey, Jack.” Mac lowered himself carefully down to the ground, taking a moment to try and find a position that wouldn’t hurt his hip, before realising that there simply wasn’t one.

4. Before and After    

When Mac went to bed, exhausted, he was hoping to sleep off the mild headache he had forming.

5. Failure Point    

Mac went straight from medical to the gym.

6. Wild Horses

No one had expected Mac to wake from his coma. Not really.

7. In the Quiet Moments

Mac doesn’t remember getting home.  He remembers the op going bad but he doesn’t remember the journey to medical at all

8. In Sorrow and In Joy

No doubt about it, the kid looked exhausted. Mac was stretched out on his side on the sofa and Jack knew the shadows under his eyes were not caused by the pre-dawn light seeping into the room.

9. Nightmare before Christmas

Jack paced.  Back and forth, he walked past fallen Christmas trees and scattered baubles. Broken glass and shattered lights. Torn wrapping paper and crushed train sets.

10. All the Lights and Decorations Put Up in Anticipation    

“Okay, we’ve got the outdoor lights up, Russ will be here in half an hour with a Christmas tree and Bozer’s getting the decorations out of storage.

11. Break the Ice

Jack knew it was something magical, even before Riley confirmed it via Phoenix medical, it had happened too quick. Mac had been fine, just fine, the night before.

12. By Candle Light

The hunting cabin was the proverbial oasis in the middle of a very cold, very stormy, dark winter forest.

13. Baby It's Cold Outside

You’d think, that when you were rescued the hard bit would be over, that things would start getting better, but for Mac it got worse.

14. Fissures of Gold

Jack wakes up in full on fight mode, his arm swinging up in a confused attempt to both punch and deflect.

15. Sentence Starters & Tumblr Tales

Wise words.  Jack has heard them many times, in various versions over the years.

16. Power Surge

There was no way Mac should have won.

17. Burn Out

The light was unbelievably bright. Jack shielded his face with his arm and scrunched his eyes shut.

18. The Dreams In Which I'm Dying

This was a bad idea.  In fact it was probably up there for one of the worst ideas Mac had ever had, but once it had crossed his mind he just hadn’t been able to shake it.

19. The Unknown Variable

Jack Dalton is not like any other overwatch.  And despite being the most junior EOD tech Mac has had quite a few of them.

20. If you've got troubles, I've got 'em too

Bozer stomped up the stairs to his room and flung his backpack on the floor where it skidded to a stop at the foot of his bed. It wasn’t fair.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think my favourite is 18.The Dreams in Which I’m Dying.  Because I think anything that starts with ‘this is a bad idea’ and implies they’re going to do it anyway is a good start!  (I hope!)

I’d love to know what ones caught your interest!

ETA: I forgot to do the tagging thing!  @kerkerian @improvidus @appalachianapologies @erinsworld @commanderbunnbunn @altschmerzes @teamimprov @starryhc and anyone else who wants to do it!  (Sorry if anyone gets multiple tags)

[espoir-et-reves]

hi maria!!!

i LOVE your work and wanna pick your brain :)) for the writing asks:

1, 2, 4, 5, 8, 10, 11, 13, 20, 32, 35, & 39

hope your day is going well!!!!! <3333

Yooo Nadia what’s up?? No, nope I LOVE YOURS and I’d let you pick my brain but I doubt you’d make much sense of the chaos in there. Even I don’t 😂😂 okay so on with the q&a

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction? 

Hmm I think I started reading fanfiction when I was in middle school? I’m pretty sure the first few fanfics I ever read were Harry Potter and Supernatural fics. I was SO into those fandoms back then (still am tbh)

The first fics I wrote were in high school if I remember correctly. Harry Potter and k-pop, more precisely a few EXO x reader fics lmao

2. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

It depends on the day I think. On some days I have no motivation to write, so I just lose myself in reading fanfics. Other days I spend hours upon hours of writing and doing research for my fanfics, wips and YA stories. 

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

Just three??? Blasphemous but okay...

Daughter of Fire by the amazing @justjstuff -- one of my TOP favorite KakaSaku fics and also Naruto fanfics in general. Always makes my day when I see an update^^

Deep Within the Trees; Under the Boughs & Blossoms by candy_floss_consumer (I’m sorry I don’t know if they’re on tumblr) The entire series of a Different Wave is just so magical and so well written but especially this one. Gave me chills on every single chapter.

Take your pick between The Shadows of Your Heart and Dying Embers by @riseoftheblossom-ff . Just amazing.

Also take a pick from your fics. I love them^^

(I only listed fics from the Naruto fandom, because I’ve been more invested in them for the past couple of years.)

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

I HATE a huge block of just words. Please, people, change paragraphs, use “ ” when someone’s talking and for the love of everything you find holy, do tell us who is thinking what and who is speaking when there are more than two characters in a scene. 

The lack of paragraphs especially drives me mad... like I don’t care if it’s the best story I may ever read, I’m not doing it, sorry.

Thank you, sincerely Maria❤

8. How often do you reblog/comment on fics that you like?

Not as often as I should tbh. Especially before I began uploading my fics, I was too shy to leave a review. Still am, but I’m trying to leave comments more often bc I understand how much they can lift the writer’s mood. 

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Favorite fandoms: Naruto, Supernatural, Harry Potter, The Mortal Instruments

Favorite pairings: I’m a MultiSaku hoe so I read EVERYTHING, Dean/Castiel + Meg/Castiel, Draco/Hermione, Magnus/Alec!!

Favorite character: BAMF Sakura, Cas my little angel baby, Hermione bc we love BAMF witches and Magnus Bane the High Warlock of Brooklyn y’all✨

11. How do you come up with your fic titles?

Hahahhahahahha good question. It’s the hardest thing tbh. Sometimes I just google for a title generator, other times I sit down for a couple hours and beg for my brain to come up with something good...

13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic?

*snorts* not just a headache, it’ll be a damn explosion. I do have a rough outline for my fics, I even have the major scenes I want in a chapter written down and an ending and all that. Thing is... my mind hates me and I change everything at least three times, so I decided to just go with the flow. 

20. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Honestly? just the fact that I’m writing. Especially when my brain wants to work with me and creativity just hits. I also enjoy doing research for my fics, but more often than not, it leads to distractions because I fall too into whatever I’m searching for😂

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?

“He didn’t smile back at me,” Sakura pouted and stabbed the rabbit meat on her plate with unnecessary force. --- A running joke in A Tale of Songs and Ashes is that Sakura has vowed to make Madara smile at her and she tries to get a reaction out of him every time they meet. This line started everything. 

Across from him Shikamaru was smoking a cigarette, lazily observing the people around him. The sharp look he received from said boy though had him taken aback. He followed the Nara’s eyes landing on Sakura and Sasuke, before turning back to him. Shikamaru shook his head, resigned and offered Neji a cigarette.

“I don’t smoke,” he replied.

Shikamaru shrugged, “It could help with the homicidal thoughts.” --- This interaction basically is one of my favorites from Nightstrolls because it kinda highlights Neji’s and Shika’s frienship in the fic and the fact that Shikamaru often makes fun of Neji’s crush on Sakura.

Gai’s laughter filled the air around them, “What a youthful child! Shisui-kun I didn’t know Uchiha came out in spring colours as well!” --- From Trials of Change I don’t think it needs an explanation. Gai just being Gai😂

35. How much has writing fic changed your life?

Oh so damn much! I think it’s the only thing that kept me from falling apart during quarantine and the COVID-19 crisis. Writing really helped my mental health when it comes to dealing with all the stress and even members of my family falling ill and dying. 

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

Uh, I don’t know? My readers usually tell me that I have an interesting way of writing -- whatever that means. So since they like it, I do as well? 

Also, I try to make the characters more realistic, give them backstories and emotions and hobbies etc. I like that😊

Thank you so much for your questions!! Sending you lots of love💕

[maybe-i-dreamt-u]

Soft sighs and simple smiles

  “I’m sorry. I really am.” She said.

Zuko couldn’t really believe what just happened. Had Mai actually fucking broken up with him? He vision was suddenly very cloudy and he didn’t know if it was because of his headache or the tears pooling in his eyes. He needed to get out of there. Quickly.

He had said something before he left the room. Something along the lines of “sorry I wasn’t enough.” Or “best of luck”, but he wasn’t really sure what. He’s sure he didn’t just storm off without a word, but right now he really couldn’t remember what it is that he said. It’s not like it mattered, anyway.

The next few hours were a bit of a blur. Zuko was feeling too sick and there were too many tears streaming down his face to properly pay attention to what he was doing. Running away, apparently. At around 3 in the morning the realisation kind of hit him. Fire Lord Zuko, yes, the one who had just had a wonderful meeting with his council not even 12 hours ago, was currently sitting in a train going to Ba Sing Sai, with a big black hood on so people wouldn’t recognize him (and also so they wouldn’t see his red face and puffy eyes). That Fire Lord Zuko had just been dumped and was now heading to his uncle in hope for some comfort and good tea. Though if he thought about it, good tea was comfort.

Zuko felt more dead than alive when he entered the Jasmine Dragon, and he wanted to sleep more than anything else in the world, but he knew he had to at least say hello to the person who had supported and loved him more than anyone else. So he quickly stopped by the kitchen to hug Uncle and thank him for allowing his nephew to come on such short notice, before heading upstairs to his room. As soon as the door was closed behind him, the salty tears returned and Zuko threw himself face down on the bed, wishing he could get a fucking break from life.

 -

 As soon as Iroh had called them, Sokka knew he had to get to Ba Sing Sai as soon as possible. He knew what getting broken up with felt like (thanks, Suki) and he also knew that what his best friend (who he was coincidentally very much in love with, you know, to make tings difficult) needed, was a distraction. Or, in other words, Zuko needed his friends to come over. So Katara and Aang took Appa and collected Sokka and Toph on their way to the Earth Kingdom. They made it to the city in no less than 5 hours.

Sokka hadn’t exactly expected Zuko to be ball of sunshine, but that didn’t prepare him for the sight inside the tea shop. In the far left corner, where light barely made it though the windows, Zuko was sitting alone, drinking a small cup of tea and writing something in a leather journal. He looked like he hadn’t slept since the breakup. His matted hair was slightly covering his face, which was lacking its usual angry expression. Zuko just looked empty. Sokka’s heart broke a little. He hadn’t seen Zuko like this since Azula was put in a mental hospital.

The others didn’t seem to take the sight much better either. Katara looked like she wanted to cry too and Aang had a horrible, pitiful look on his face. And Toph, well… Toph couldn’t see so she was safe for now.

The group approached Zuko slowly and quietly, trying not to startle him, as if he was some wild animal that would run off at the slightest sign of danger. Knowing Zuko and his relationship with emotions, he probably would run off.

As they got closer to his table, Zuko lifted his eyes. He looked more annoyed, than surprised to see them.

“I fucking knew he would tell you” he said in lieu of hello and dropped his gaze back to what he was writing.

“Well hello to you too, Sparky!” Toph punched Zuko’s arm and took a seat next to him. Katara, Aang and Sokka sat down on the other side.

“Hey there, Zuko! How are you?” said Aang cheerly and Zuko answered flatly with

“Fucking great, and you?” Apart from his right hand, he wasn’t moving, but Sokka could see how tense he was.

“Oh, you know, just… Visiting a beautiful city” Everyone fell silent after that. None of them really knew what to say to Zuko when he was like this. Sokka wished he could crack a joke for his best friend, but he suddenly felt at a loss for words. Seeing Zuko so incredibly sad made his heart hurt. He just wanted to hold him tight and never let anything bad happen to him ever again. But that was against the rules, and this wasn’t even about him in the first place, so Sokka shoved that thought away for the time being.

“Look Zuko, we’re just trying to help you.” Katara tried again. Zuko just huffed in response.

“I know you and Mai were very close,” Zuko physically flinched at the mention of his ex-girlfriend, “and I know that you feel rea-“ she continued, but Zuko interrupted with a quiet

“You don’t know shit, ok? Stop acting like you know what’s going on. I appreciate the sentiment, but you really. Really. Don’t have any expertise in this particular domain.” Zuko sounded like he was staring to tear up again. Katara looked hurt, but she thankfully held her mouth. Toph however didn’t.

“I get that you’re hurt n’ all, but you really don’t have to be a bitch. We’re here for you, Sparky, not because we missed Ba Sing Sai so much, so maybe try acting like you appreciate it, and loosen up a bit.” Zuko opened his mouth to say something but Toph was quicker. “And don’t even try to tell me “Oh but I didn’t ask you to come!!” because we both know that you needed us to come and take your mind off things. I mean which one of us looks like they haven’t slept for 48 hours? Exactly. You. Now shut up and get me a cup of jasmine tea, please” She ended with an innocent smile and, for some reason, Zuko actually got up and headed towards the kitchen. Or at least that’s what Sokka thought. In the last moment, instead of going straight ahead, Zuko turned left and vanished in the back room.

“What the fuck, Toph?” Sokka stood up before he could think twice and headed in the same direction. He was going to go upstairs towards Zuko’s room but then he noticed the Fire Lord sitting expressionless in the corner of an empty staff room, knees to his chest, looking out the window. He looked like a little child that had been separated from his mother. Sokka’s heart broke a little more.

“Hey” he announced himself, in case Zuko hadn’t spotted him. His friend didn’t move, but he didn’t tell Sokka to stay away either, so Sokka slowly approached him. He sat down next to him and waited in silence. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. Sokka was looking for the right way to tell him that he’s not alone, he’s got his friends and his uncle and yeah, it sucks now, but it’ll get better, you just have to give it some time, and, the Universe knows what to do, and frankly, they didn’t even look that cute together, and it would all be ok. Instead he just said

“You look like you could use a hug.” After a few moments of silence Zuko turned to look at him and asked

“What?” in flattest tone possible, with an impossibly tired look on his face. Sokka just shrugged and went

“I don’t know, you just give me the vibes of a person in need of a hug” he said with a tiny, knowing smile.

Zuko hummed in approval and turned to face him fully. Sokka opened his arms and Zuko slowly leaned into them, carefully placing his forehead on his friend’s chest. Sokka hoped Zuko couldn’t feel his heart beating at 1000mph and concentrated on embracing him in the fiercest hug he could muster. Slowly but surely he felt Zuko relax against his strong body. After a couple of minutes he let out a soft, little, ragged sigh and Sokka thought he might die on the spot.

Though unfortunately after a while Sokka could barely feel his legs anymore and as much as he hated ruining the moment, he said in the softest voice possible

“Bro I’m sorry to interrupt but my legs are absolutely dead, so if we’re gonna keep cuddling you have to let me move a bit”.

“First of all we’re not cuddling, I’m just receiving a comforting hug from my best friend because I feel like I’m going to die alone, and second of all, no.” Sokka felt a smile forming on his face and tried his best not to let it show.

“Ok, well if you want to keep receiving a comforting hug from your best friend, you’re gonna have to move because my legs also feel like they’re going to die alone.” Zuko only huffed at that and then he lifted his head. They changed into a more comfortable position, Sokka leaning his back on the wall, and Zuko’s head under Sokka’s chin, Sokka’s arms around Zuko’s fragile looking body. After he was sure that Zuko had closed his eyes, he texted Aang “we won’t be back for a while, don’t come looking, I’ve got it under control”. He wasn’t sure he actually had it under control, but he couldn’t tell Aang that, could he now?

The two just sat there without speaking. The silence was only occasionally broken by Zuko sighing or sniffing quietly, but nothing more. After about half an hour, just as Sokka was about to fall asleep and have the greatest nap of his existence, Zuko said faintly

“It was so sudden. I never even saw it coming” He said it so quietly that Sokka almost missed it. He starting asking himself if he had only imagined it when Zuko continued. “I know her. I’ve known her for years. And she didn’t act any differently.” That was followed by a sniffle and then, “She just- Fell out of love? I guess? That’s what she said but I don’t even know if I should believe it because she looked so sad, like I was the one breaking up with her. What the fuck is up with that?” He was now fully crying again. Sokka didn’t know what to say. He had never been great at words. So he just squeezed Zuko a little harder. That seemed to work, because Zuko went on, “I know this is gonna sound really dramatic, but I honest to Agni felt like I was dying a slow painful death as she was speaking to me. That feeling died down a bit since then though” Sokka could hear a smile in his voice. Oh the world really isn’t fair, is it?

After that he fell silent again. So they spent the better part of an hour on the floor, Zuko mostly crying, Sokka’s heart breaking, but it seemed to work. A good quarter of an hour after Zuko’s last sigh, Sokka finally spoke again.

“I know that you’re hurting immensely, and that you’d rather just brood in your room right now, but I think maybe it’s time that we go back to the others. I’m sure Katara and Toph have learned their lessons and maybe Aang will even manage to cheer you up. Also, I came here to have tea, and it’s kind of hard to drink any in this position.” Zuko didn’t even seem to hear him, so Sokka nudged his head gently. All he got in response was a simple “not yet”, so he tried again.

“Dude, it’s been like 2 hours…” to which Zuko only mumbled something inaudible. Sokka decided to let it go, but then the Fire Lord stood up, dragging the former with him.

He didn’t look Sokka in the eye as he said “Thanks. I mean it.” And then left the room. Sokka followed shortly after and counted it all as a victory.

[lilbit-of-kizzy]

Hey so Ethan/@crankgameplays posted a video about his allergy scares last week and I just had a chance to watch it and I have things to say!! This is long but I urge you to read it (and call me out if I'm wrong!! I tried to look up things I wasn't sure about!!)

So here is a long/basic allergy tutorial from someone who has allergies and a mother who worked for an allergist for many years as a nurse!

Histamines: these are what cause your basic allergic reactions, they cause the swelling and the itching. Most people for example are allergic to mosquitoes, and have a histomic reaction to the mosquito bite. Mosquitoes release a substance to technically numb the pain of the bite and most people are allergic to that substance and therefore have an allergic reaction. Your histamines cause that reaction, an itch and swelling. Some people are highly allergic to mosquito bites and will have varying degrees of an histomic reaction, I'm sure there's some people out there who have anaphylactic reactions to mosquitoes.

Antihistamines: basically tell your histamines to chill out. They come in varying strengths from your daily pill (Zyrtec, Xyzal, Allegra, Claritin) to your emergency or once in a while pill (like Benadryl). For example some people who have bad reactions to poison ivy will take a Benadryl, while people with a dust or pollen allergy might take Zyrtec everyday.

Epinephrine: epinephrine is a type of adrenaline. The reason that Ethan said it doesn't cause a real problem if you don't need it, is because he's never had it when he didn't need it. You will have the racing heart and other symptoms that come with a rise in adrenaline. While you probably won't bleed out from an epi needle, because you or whoever will be able to put pressure on it and it's not that big of a hole, you can cause hypertension and death if it happens to go into a vein (which is hard to do but can happen, use it on the outter thigh). Ethan never had any symptoms when his was used when he "didn't really need it", because his heart rate was already slowed/sped up so the rise in heart rate and other symptoms of an adrenaline boost didn't register, because he did technically need it. He's right that if you accidentally give it you'll probably be fine, but you still want to call a doctor and make them aware of the situation and let them decide what you need to do.

Other types of allergic reactions: We all know the classic signs, itchy, throat/other kinds of swelling, eyes watering/itching etc. But you can also have: coughing, sneezing, sniffly nose, itchy palms/bottoms of your feet, nausea, vomiting, severe diarrhea, heartburn/indigestion/acid reflux, itchy mouth/insides (the weirdest one honestly) and others. None of these necessarily mean you're going into anaphylactic shock, in fact there are very few allergens that cause anaphylactic shock. Things like insect stings/bites, nut allergies, and dairy/egg allergies are some of the worst for anaphylaxis. Other things can cause it but those are your worst offenders. Most other allergies are just annoying, they can be debilitating sometimes but they're not necessarily going to cause death.

What to do if you experience allergies: go see an allergist! Even if you're like "well it's only for like a month I get a little sniffly" still go! You may think you just constantly have a heartburn when you eat one food, but you could be allergic to it and there are ways to avoid the heartburn so you can still eat your favorite foods! Don't be afraid of the allergy test, there are two, one where they prick your back and one where they test your blood. The blood test doesn't test as much as the prick test though, and most normal doctor's offices will go with the blood test, so be sure to see an allergist. They'll ask a lot of questions to try and figure out what you might be allergic to, to figure out what they ought to put in the test. Then they put little drops of the allergen onto itty bitty little needles and prick your back. There are going to be one or two places where it's going to "hurt" but for the most part it's like running your fingernail over a spot of skin. Make sure you bring some hydrocortisone with you to slather all over your back when they're done, but make sure they tell you they're done before you do that!! Tell them that's what you're going to do. They'll honestly probably do it for you. They then measure the size of each reaction to determine whether or not you are allergic to a substance and whether or not that's what's bothering you. (So if you put hydrocortisone on before they're done they won't get an accurate measure) It's actually kinda of neat to see yor back all splotchy lol. Some allergies can be fixed with shots, which are not as bad as they seem, some just need daily medication.

Different allergies: if someone tells you they are allergic to a food and then proceed to eat the food you don't necessarily need to panic. I, for example, am allergic to rice. But I don't have an anaphylactic response, it just upsets my stomach if I eat too much. Before I figured out what was wrong I was throwing up almost daily. While there's no specific shot or pills for rice, getting all my other allergies in check helped the rice not be so bad. I was also allergic to dust which there are shorts for, and once I got that under control, stopped eating rice all the time, and started taking an acid reflux medication, I was able to start eating rice again without any problems (again as long as I didn't eat it all the time) When it comes to environmental allergies there often are shots for those. These can also cause some pretty serious reactions but don't usually cause anaphylaxis. I said I was allergic to dust and if I've been off of my meds and shots for a long time and I touch a surface with dust on it my hands will actually burn. It's extremely painful but nothing I need to go to the hospital for.

Allergy shots: these are really not anywhere near as bad as you might think they would be. They're once weekly shots that are teeny teeny tiny needles, it's the medication that hurts and even that isn't that bad. Especially not if it keeps my hands from burning, or someone who has anaphylactic reactions to bee stings from dying. They also tend to "cure" you of your allergies, my dust allergy has been reduced from a 9+ on the scale all the way down to 5. So while I'm still allergic to dust, it doesn't burn me if I go off my meds, it's just very itchy and gives me headaches. (They're also in the testing phases for a peanut shot!! Still have a long way to go on that one though but at least they're working on one!)

One other thing to keep in mind, an epipen is not a solution to the problem, it's a slowdown on the timer to death. You still need to go to the hospital and you still need to get there as quickly as you can. Especially for things like peanuts and bee stings, which cause severe reactions and very quick death. If there's more than one person there you need to be calling 911 as you're giving the shot. Even if they just need to be watched as they come down off of the epi just in case. Ethan's right you can re-react the stuff up to 6 or more hours later. Whatever you ate/was injected into you has to make its way out of your body before you're reaction to it stops, all the emergency crew is doing is keeping you from dying while that happens. When they gave him so much Benadryl they were basically just trying to completely kill his histamines.

This is by no means a full course on allergy knowledge but it's what I have available from years of having allergies and living with a nurse, and I hope it helps any of you out there who aren't sure what's going on with you/need more knowledge!! Sorry it was so long 😅

TL;DR all allergies are different and need different care (also please read it lol)

(I did also post this in the comment section of that video! I just made it prettier here lol. This was made using the voice to text on my phone though so I apologize for any weirdness/grammar mistakes)

[nakediconoclast]

About a certain livestock de-wormer...

Ivermectin

.

Before I even start this post, let me get the legal shit out of the way.I am not a doctor. I haven't even been to a doctor in over 5 years.I have no medical training except for maybe 100 hours of outdated first aid training when I was in the army 40 years ago and my First Sergeant needed a break from me.I am not a pharmacist, although back in the 1980s and 90s, I have dispensed dru..... Wait, I better leave that one alone.The point being, don't take my word for shit here. Do your own research. I'm going to refer to the drug as IM in this post because I don't want Google/Blogger taking my blog down or red-paging it for not toeing the party line. It is not my purpose to try to talk you into taking it any more than I'd try to talk you out of taking the vaccine if that's what you want to do. Your body, your choice.All I'm doing is making you aware of it if you haven't already checked it out, and to pass on my own experiences and thoughts. IM has been approved for use in humans, although it's more widely known as an parasitic medication for livestock.IM, sold under the brand name Stromectol among others, is a medication that is used to treat parasite infestations. In humans, this includes head lice, scabies, river blindness (onchocerciasis), strongyloidiasis, trichuriasis, ascariasis, and lymphatic filariasis. In veterinary medicine, it is used to prevent and treat heartworm and acariasis, among other indications. It can be taken by mouth or applied to the skin for external infestations.MORE Question: If it's already been proven safe for human use, why isn't there full speed ahead testing being done to see if it works for covid?Answer: Big Pharma. IM has been off patent for years and is dirt cheap. If it's found out to be effective for covid, guess who's profits are going to nosedive in that vaccine market? * Back a few weeks ago, a very good friend who shall remain nameless - fuck it, I'll out him, it was WiscoDave - initiated a conversation with me about IM and wanted to know if I had considered taking it to 1) prevent covid and 2) use it to cure covid if I were to contract it. Me, being invincible, said no, so he turned me onto a few links and pretty much left it at that.He's a sly devil - he knew I'd eventually get bored and read them. One of them concerned a study in India. As you may recall, there was a major outbreak a couple months ago and motherfuckers were dying like flies, then all of a sudden..... nothing.Why? Because they introduced IM. HERE is the link to the study in the first sentence of this paragraph.HERE is a 25 minute youtube video along the same lines. There's more out there if you take a few seconds to look them up. Okay, I read that, then I started digging and found more articles and videos on youtube, although youtube seems to be pulling a bunch of them if they even mention covid and IM.To make a long story short, I figured to give it a try. Hell, I never was shy about trying new drugs when I was younger, so it wasn't that big of a deal.My reasoning was this: While I may be invincible, my wife is not and with her health problems, she is one of those high risk people. She doesn't get out much, so about the only way she'd get it would be from me, so I needed to protect myself, but I really don't want to get vaccinated.Besides, I keep hearing about all the deaths and complications from taking the vaccines, but I've yet to hear about anybody dying from taking IM. On top of that, every day I read about fully vaccinated people being diagnosed with covid in spite of their precautions, so even if I got vaccinated, there's a good possibility that's not going to protect my wife from getting it. Wisco had also directed me to Ann Barnhardt's IM page HERE and told me to be sure that I read it - it tells you where to buy it, how to buy it, what kinds to buy (very important!) and dosage instructions. So, armed with that knowledge, I went into town to score some of this miracle drug in the liquid form. First stop was the Farmer's Co-op in town. There was none to be had and the old boy behind the counter said they can't keep it in stock for the past few months. That seemed a little weird seeing as I haven't noticed a massive influx of livestock around here lately - unless people are buying it up to use on themselves. Bubba also told me he couldn't guarantee a hold for me when it did come in, so I headed down to Tractor Supply. Once there, I couldn't find the liquid 1% solution so I asked one of the guys and immediately started getting the 3rd degree - just exactly what I did I want it for and shit like that, so I told him it was to worm a sick donkey. He went to the back to see if there was any there, but came back to tell me there was none in stock, so I asked him to order it for me. He hemmed and hawed around until the manager walked by and told him to order anything I wanted, with as much money as I've spent in that store, so he ordered a 50ml bottle for me and I got it 3-4 days later.While I'm on the subject of Tractor Supply, if you order something online from your home, YOU pay the shipping. If you have them order it for you, it ships to your address and shipping is free - something to keep in mind. Ten bucks is ten bucks. Anyways, after I got home and was re-reading Miss Ann's page, I realized I saw the 1.87% paste there at Tractor Supply, so I hustled back down there and scored a tube for about 8 bucks.Once I got it home, I figured to give it a whirl as a preventive measure, but I didn't want to use the liquid, figuring to hold off on that in case it became 'unavailable' in the future.Now Wisco had told me the paste tasted like ass, but what the fuck, I've eaten British food before. I ain't scared. Besides, this shit was apple flavored. So I took a piece of bread, squeezed out the recommended dose (I thought), put it on the bread, folded it over and wolfed it down. I got a very slight taste of bitter apple, so I shoveled in a load of Copenhagen and that was the end of that. Now, while IM in the liquid form is taken orally, it's drawn from the bottle and measured using a syringe which can be bought at Tractor Supply, livestock supply stores and even online at vet supply sites such as Chewy.com.In the liquid form and by using a little math, you can get the dosage down for your body weight pretty easily. Using the paste, the tube dispenses the doses in 50 kilogram increments for your body weight. Luckily, as I found out, it's pretty fucking hard to overdose yourself. As I was putting the tube away, I realized I had accidentally dosed myself with double the amount recommended for my weight. It's okay to round up - better a little too much than too little according to everything I had read, but damn, I really rounded up.Like I said, the shit measures out in 50 kilo increments for body weight and I did 3 clicks instead of 2. I weigh 170 pounds and took enough for a 330 pounder.I sat down and waited to die. What I got was a very slight headache and I do mean very slight - it wasn't even bad enough to require aspirin. I didn't even cop a buzz, damn it. Okay, that's my experience. Did I have any side effects? Nope.Did I get sick to my stomach? Huh-uh.Does my dick still get hard in the morning? Most of the time, but that's my age showing.Any frothing at the mouth? Only when I brush my teeth.Do my trigger fingers still work? Yes, praise the Lord.Any newfound empathy or tolerance for Biden? Fuck no.Do I have an urge to gallop in the pasture? What happens in that pasture is between me and God. Obviously, there's precautions.Ladies, you probably don't want to take it if you're pregnant or trying to get pregnant.If you're taking medication, you most definitely want to talk with your doctor first to see if there's going to be any kind of interactions. There's a website HERE that you can check, but I think I'd want to hear it from a doctor. How you word those questions is up to you, but if it was me I wouldn't ask IF I can take it, I'd let him or her know I was going to take it and what should I know. Okay, bottom line for me: Like I said earlier, I've heard of many, many cases of horrible side effects and even deaths from taking the vaccines, but I've yet to hear of anybody taking the correct dosage of IM having any adverse effects. I'm sure there's some out there, but if they were even remotely common, the FDA would be spreading those examples everywhere. Instead, they're putting out vague warnings like this HERE.Do I believe the hype about how deadly covid is for healthy people? No. But I do believe it can make you sicker than a dog, and I generally try to avoid shit like that. And again, I do have to protect my wife by protecting myself. With her health issues, death is a very real possibility. * So, if you are considering it, please go to Ann Barnhardt's page on the stuff and read it. Again, you'll find instructions on the kind to buy (they're not all the same), dosage, how to take it, and even a little video on how to use the paste.HEREIf you're concerned about the correct dosage, she addresses that as well.HERE

[lovemesomesurveys]

Are you currently wearing anything pink? There’s some pink on my socks.

How often do you need to wash your hair? About every 3 days.

What brand is your current shampoo? Does it have a specific scent? It’s a salon one for red dyed hair. Even though I haven’t dyed my hair in over a year and my natural hair color is quite grown out now....

Has anything annoyed or upset you recently? Yes. Just about everything seems to.

When was the last time you drank through a straw? I always use a straw.

Have you had a headache at any point recently? Not recently.

When was the last time you took painkillers? A little over an hour ago.

Has there recently been a thunderstorm where you live? No. We haven’t had one in quite awhile, actually. Do you recall the last time you saw a spider anywhere in your house? A few weeks ago.

Are you afraid of spiders, or do they not really bother you? I’m terrified of them.

What was the last item you used, that requires batteries? My TV remotes.

When was the last time you ate chocolate? What kind? I had a few mini Hershey bars the other day.

Is there a beverage that you drink more often than anything else? Water and coffee.

Do you enjoy any films with Nicole Kidman in them? Yeah.

Do you own a clutch bag? What colour is it? No, I don’t.

Do you still watch Disney films, or any other animated films? Yes.

^ If so, what are your favourites? A few of them are Alice in Wonderland, Winnie the Pooh, A Goofy Movie, and Toy Story. 

Do you enjoy horror films? Can you recommend any good ones? I love horror movies.

Do you own any tote bags? Yeah, several. We use them when we go grocery shopping.

^ If so, what does your favourite one look like? My mom has several Disney ones that are really cute.

In the last 7 days, have you worn make-up? Nope. It’s been almost 5 years since I’ve worn any makeup.

[redrobinhoods]

Sticks and Stones | Chapter 4, one real thing

AO3 Link | 1,900 words (approx) | Chapter 1, Chapter 3, Chapter 5

A/N: This was going to be the second to last chapter and now it isn't. A little kinder slice of life is planned for the next chapter before the end of the fic. Still have some events mentioned in other fics I want to fit in here.

Chapter Summary: Stone checks in on Fox- and Senator Chuchi- while he is recovering.

Two days, later, Fox was back. While it would take a little longer for him to be cleared for return to active duty, he was to resume his other work in the meantime. Stone could hear the slight commotion in the main offices when Fox entered, a few minutes after he himself had settled into his chair with a cup of caf, but he waited a few minutes to allow Fox to settle in as well before going to check on him.

When Stone opened the door to Fox’s office, he found Senator Chuchi already inside. He had expected that. What he hadn’t expected was for her to be signing a pile of flimsiwork with a near exact replica of Fox’s signature.

“Commander Stone!” She chirped at him as he entered.

“Senator Chuchi.” He greeted, looking past her to where Fox was slumped over, propped up on his elbow, reading through a datapad. He looked exhausted.

“Please, Commander Stone. Would you call me Riyo?”

Stone felt like his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. She couldn’t have just asked him that. ‘Riyo’ was Fox’s name for her, not his. “Why?”

“You’ve been a dear comfort to me as of the past few months. Much too dear for you to formally address me in moments like this.” She smiled up at him before turning back to the flimsiplast before her. Stone watched over her shoulder as her fingers directed the writing instrument in her hand into another near perfect replica of Fox’s signature. “Commander?” She prodded when she didn’t get a response, and that was when it clicked for Stone.

“If I can call you Riyo, you can just call me Stone, ma’am.”

“Okay, Stone.”

“Okay, Riyo.” It felt forbidden, but so, technically, was Riyo’s love for his brother.

She looked back at him with a smile before returning to the flimsi before her.

The moment gone, Stone turned his gaze back to Fox. “Are you okay?”

“I’m great.” Fox rasped. “Why do you ask?”

“You look like some being tied you to the back of their speeder and drove circles in a swamp for a few hours with you dragging behind like a shiny in the heat.” Stone made his way around the desk to Fox’s side, taking off a glove as he did so that he could press the back of his hand to Fox’s cheek. “I’m surprised you don’t have a fever.”

“Let me guess, I’ve got more colors in my face than a varactyl feather?”

“Something like that.” Stone chuckled. “Keep your helmet on if you talk to Thire later. He doesn’t need to worry about you right now.”

“Is Commander Thire okay?” Riyo asked with worry in her voice.

“In confidence, Sen- Riyo, the Chancellor has been very demanding as of late. It’s wearing him down.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” She pressed, and Stone could understand why Fox adored her so. He couldn’t imagine most senators would so genuinely want to help a clone.

Fox solemnly shook his head. “We’ll take care of him, Ri.”

“I’ll let you know if we can’t get more lysinate.” Stone gave her what he hoped was an understanding smile. “It helps the headaches to a degree.”

“Is lysinate the strongest drug you have?”

Stone avoided a direct answer to her question. “It takes the edge off. And we need to be deployable at a moment’s notice. I think Fox is on the strongest drug I’ve ever seen at the moment.”

“His prescription isn’t classified as a strong painkiller.” Riyo protested.

“It is for clones.” Fox shrugged. “Just a flesh wound.”

“I saw your guts, Fox. We both did.” Stone scoffed. “That’s not a just flesh wound.”

“Well, both of my intestines are apparently still in one piece so I would classify this as a flesh wound. It’s my injury, Stone. I get to decide how bad it is.”

“That’s not how it works, Fox.” Riyo laughed before turning her head in Stone’s direction. “Has he always been like this?”

“As long as I’ve known him. I feel sorry for his batchmates back on Kamino, having to live with him all the time.” Though Fox began to protest, Stone continued. “The first memory I have of Fox was listening to him and Wolffe argue from halfway across the training center. I never had a good opinion of him until Geonosis. Nothing brings us clones together like almost dying. I suppose that may have been intentional.”

“Stone fought at my side on Geonosis.” Fox explained. “Our regiments were placed side by side in the battle. He helped me drag Thire out of there, actually.”

“He was hurt?” Riyo asked.

“It’s why he and Thorn ended up running security; they were the most injured of the Corrie Guard officers who survived.” Stone sighed. “It feels like it was longer than three years ago.”

Riyo nodded her agreement. “Feels like the war has been going on forever.”

“It’s going to end soon.” Fox said. “Something’s about to happen, I can feel it.”

“We can only hope it’s the end.” Stone clasped Fox’s shoulder for a moment before stepping away. “I should get back to work.”

Riyo rose from her chair and stepped towards Stone. She held out her arms, waiting for Stone to initiate the hug by stepping towards her before she wrapped her arms around him. “It was good to see you.”

“You too.” Stone murmured out of instinct. This was a new form of intimacy for him. It took the albeit short walk back to his office for him to realize what form of intimacy it was. Friendship. Stone had never had friends before, only lovers and brothers. The feeling would take some time to adjust to.

---

Stone tossed his helmet onto his bed when he returned to the barracks that evening. Fox would be spending the night with Riyo, it would just be him and Thire tonight. He could hear the water in the refresher running and decided to join Thire while there was still hot water left.

“Have you successfully melted the skin off your back yet?” Stone laughed when the wave of steam hit him as he opened the door. A hot shower after a long day was the only form of therapy they could get that didn’t come in the form of other beings or drinks. Stone didn’t think about Thire’s lack of answer until he turned around from shutting the door. “Thire?”

For a moment, the man on the floor before him was Thorn, laying in a pool of blood. Then it wasn’t. With the imagined blood gone, he ran to Thire’s side.

“Thire. Thire!” Stone pulled Thire’s head up into his arms as he looked over Thire’s body for injury. Finding none and getting no response he reached down to check for a pulse, letting out a sob of relief when he found it. “What happened to you, kid?” He murmured as he gently set Thire back on the floor so that he could turn off the tap and fetch a towel.

When Thire was wrapped up in his towel, Stone gathered him in his arms and carried him out of the refresher to lay him down on his bed. Thire didn’t stir when Stone set him down on the hard mattress, nor when Stone sat beside him and gently ran his fingers through his hair. It was only after a few minutes had passed that he stirred under Stone’s touch.

“Hey, kid.” Stone continued to run his fingers through Thire’s hair when he saw how his brother unconsciously leaned into it as he came to.

“What happened?” Thire managed.

“I found you on the ground in the ‘fresher. I thought you-.” Stone’s voice broke and he couldn’t finish the thought.

“Like Thorn.”

“Yes.”

Thire’s eyes turned away from Stone’s, up towards the ceiling. “I am so sorry. I never- I couldn’t put you and Fox through that again.”

“It’s okay, kid. I’m just glad to have you back with me.” Stone reached down with his free hand and clasped Thire’s hand in his, running his thumb in small circles on the back of Thire’s hand. “What happened to you?”

“I must’ve passed out.” Thire’s gaze turned back to Stone. “Maybe the water was too hot and my blood pressure dropped too quickly?”

“Guess you’ll have to stop taking hot showers then.”

Thire’s face broke into a tired smile. “Never.” They sat in silence for a minute before Thire spoke again. “Stone, could you grab my clothes?”

“Yeah.” Stone rose from Thire’s side to reach up for the clothes that dangled from the storage cubby above the bed. “Do you want help?”

“Stone, if I can’t get my greys on then I should probably retire.”

Stone laughed with him as he stepped back to put a fresh pair of his own blacks on. When he turned back around, Thire had managed to get the pants of his blacks on and throw the towel onto the ground. “Do you want a shirt?”

Thire shook his head. “Too constricting. Stone?”

“Thire?”

“Could you hold-.” Thire stopped, biting his lip. He didn’t want to appear weak. Even in just Stone’s presence, the pressure that the Kaminoans had placed on them to be perfect could be felt.

“Of course, Thire.” Stone crossed the room back to Thire’s bed, playfully pushing Thire over so that he could lay down beside him. “Come ‘ere.” He pulled Thire back over to him, wrapping an arm around his waist and tucking Thire’s head under his chin. “Fox thinks that the war is ending soon. When it does, we’ll have a new chancellor, maybe even one you won’t be allergic to. Everything is going to be alright, Thire.”

“I know, Stone. I know.”

---

When Stone woke the next morning, he found Thire’s head still laying on his arm as his younger brother dozed. Despite the numbness in his forearm, Stone stayed still, watching the rise and fall of Thire’s chest. Though Thire was only a month younger than him and he hadn’t been through the stressors that those made to be commanders had, he looked older than Fox did already with his brow furrowed even in sleep. The end of the war had to come soon. But sooner than the end of the war was the time they had to report in by.

“Thire.” Stone murmured.

His brother’s eyes opened on the first mention of his name and he sat up so that Stone could roll out of bed. When Stone came back from the refresher, Thire had already assembled his armor and was reading over a datapad. When he caught Stone’s gaze, Thire turned off the datapad and tossed it back into one of the drawers under his bed. “Do you mind if I borrow Jek and Rys today?”

“Go for it. They’re your batchmates.”

“They’re your men.”

Stone shrugged before bending over to pull his boots on. “I know how close you three are. Besides, I’m not going to have enough work to go around today.”

“Thanks, Stone, for everything.” When Stone couldn’t think of a response, Thire waited patiently for him to finish assembling his armor before falling into step at his side as they stepped back into the barracks.