#and I’m waking up at 5:20 am tomorrow so I can go with the coach to the convention center and everyone else gets to sleep in. so cool & fun.

[southislandwren]

Bro today sucked so bad we all (minus the coach) sat in our hotel room and gossiped about how it sucked in every way possible. I’m so fucking sad I failed these kids and everything has gone wrong. Like I know it’s mostly not my fault but also it’s very much my fault. I’m literally an assistant coach I should have my shit together

[joshslater]

The Reformatory

A rewrite of jd07201990′s swimmer story. Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

T -1

Dear diary or however you are supposed to start.

So tomorrow is the big day. Dad and I are sleeping at a Holiday Inn at the other side of the state. Well, I'm obviously not sleeping. How could I? So I thought I should start a journal of some sort to document this experience.

Some background. Two months ago I was in a fight with Mark Samberg on the football team. It had gotten pretty bad between the football schmucks and us swimmers. The jockheads were constantly harassing us, calling us fags and prissy boys. It happened often and was getting boring. As the captain of the swim team I asked Mark to knock it off and get his players in line. Idiot as he is he tried to knock me out instead, and I lost it. In our scramble I managed to knock him down and was about to kick him in the shin when he shifted and instead I connected with his knee. Apparently it fractured. He'll be able to walk and even run, but he'll not be able to play again for years, so he lost his Scholarship.

His family sued everyone they could. Me, the school, the swim coach. In the end all the lawyers sat down in a room with a local judge and came up with something they all could agree to. Mark gets some study assistance to get his grades up, the school had this quickly brushed under the carpet, and could pretend I was never student there. Me not graduating wasn’t really a blow, as my college fund now went to pay for Mark’s education, as compensation. They were rich enough to afford it anyway, but they wanted to see punishment. I get the honor to spend the next 180 days at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center, where I will "participate in all scheduled exercises, activities, therapies, meals and medication programs". They can tack on some extra days for bad behavior without going back to the judge, but essentially I get 6 months at bad boy camp for standing up to bullies.

What will I do there? No idea. The website talks a lot about work ethics and responsibility and working together with the local community. Sounds like labor camp to me. I'll guess we'll know tomorrow. But first we have to visit the hospital for a check up. My first day in prison will mostly not be in prison!

Day 1, Monday

We started with a checkup at the hospital, and man did they do a thorough job. Our appointment was at 10, but before that I had to fill out a form with 100 questions. The doctor spent more than 30 minutes doing the most extensive check I've ever had. Not only that, but after the check we had to go to the sample lab to draw blood, and finally I had a CT scan at noon. After that, and a quick lunch, we drove to the actual reformation center, which was in a smaller town 2 hours away.

It's an old boarding school building that they've turned into this "Reformation Center", and it clearly looks more like a prison than a school. Just a heap of two story brick and concrete buildings out in nowhere. Not much of security, but then everyone was there "voluntarily", meaning that we all had a proper punishment waiting for us if we left. I hugged dad goodbye and was shown to Mr. Kerwin’s office by the entrance guard.

Mr. Kerwin was a lean, ripped man in his forties that oozed military discipline. He explained that he was responsible for my rehabilitation and that he wouldn't start soft. He would give me a packed schedule, and if I didn't pull my weight he would add more days for "noncompliance". If I didn't like it I could run back to judge Stephenson and ask to start over in juvie.

Perhaps that would be better, because the schedule he showed me was totally insane.

4:30-5:00  Breakfast 5:00-8:00  Exercise pass 1 8:00-12:00 Work pass 1 12:00-12:30 Lunch 12:30-14:30 School 14:30-17:30 Work pass 2 17:30-18:00 Dinner 18:00-21:00 Exercise pass 2 21:30       Lights out

He explained that my breakfast, lunch and dinner would be pre-portioned and I was required to eat all of it. The exercise passes would be lead by himself or one of the assistants. Again, I would have to follow every instruction. The work passes were done at local businesses that wanted an extra hand, and changed depending on demand. The school passes were done as a group on whatever subject Mr. Reed selected.

Next he ordered me to get naked and place all my clothes on top of my bag and move to the other side of the room. Having done so he pointed at a stack of clothes on the table and told me to pick my size and get dressed. I quickly dressed in one of the track suits from the table. There was a baseball cap also, which confused me, but was told that it was instead of sunglasses when working outdoor.

With that I was given a rule book to study and was led by an assistant to my room where a dinner was waiting. Turkey, rice, water. I was reminded of lights out at 21:30 and wake up at 4:30. The assistant left and locked the door. 10 minutes later he came back with my journal book and pen, and told me that they'll keep the rest for now.

Having eaten the dinner and having three hours (I'm almost sure 21:30 is 9:30 PM) to kill before the lights go out I'm now summarizing the day. I'm sitting in something very similar to a prison cell. Bed, toilet, sink. Everything is clean, though somewhat worn. Looking into the mirror is kind of depressing though. I look like some jailed gang member.

It's kind of weird that I haven't met any of the other inmates, sorry students, here. I saw some of them while coming in, but perhaps this is their kind of hazing, or they do an official presentation tomorrow. Anyway, I should study the rule book and go to bed, since I didn't sleep much last night.

Day 2, Tuesday

So much to write about, so little time. I might have to split this into several entries since lights out is in 20 minutes.

I was awaken at 4:30 and given a tray with a large bowl of porridge and berries and some chalky smoothie or shake or whatever to drink. After that an assistant lead me to the gym room where we went over various machines, mainly for cardio. Elliptical, bike, treadmill. Weird thing was that it was only us two in the room during all three hours.

Sweaty and a bit tired I was then taken outside to a bus where some of the other boys where chilling. Apparently everyone else had breakfast between 7 and 8. They had no idea why I didn't join them there. The bus then drove around town and the driver announced who should exit where. My group of four people exited at a farm before town, only about 5 minutes away. I don't know exactly since I haven't been given my watch back.

There we spent hours just moving hay. Don't they know about tractors? Sweaty, itchy, tired and hungry we were then picked up and driven back. At lunch was the first time I saw the real common area. To my surprise there were more boys there than had been on the bus.

Everyone else could pick what they wanted from what was served, but I was given a ready tray with an heap of salmon and pasta. I was starving though, so it wasn't a problem to eat it all. I didn't have much time to talk, but the guys at my table were nice. Somewhat rough, as could be expected. Apparently you were chosen for the different work assignments, and if you were not picked you stayed at the center for sports or craft or similar things.

After Lunch followed a session with Mr. Reed. The first boring hour was on English grammar and the second boring hour on US geography. I aced the quizz getting all 50 states and state capitols right, so I didn't learn anything new after that. Then Mr. Reed announced who had work assignments, and I was again selected.

This time I and Troy were dropped off at a different farm where we spent almost three hours helping with fencing. Mainly carry posts and sawing them to length.

For dinner I had some meatballs with roasted sweet potatoes while everyone else had meatballs with tomato sauce. Mr. Kerwin picked me up and led me to the gym. Unlike the morning session this was all about weight training. Most of it was on finding my limits for different exercises while Mr. Kerwin pointed out how I could improve my form. You could tell that this was what he liked to do, and encouraged me to push a bit further. Once we were done I had a bottle of post workout mix of some sort and a very quick shower before rushing back to my room.

Here's the thing. My room is on a different floor than the other guys. Also, my schedule appears to be different and much more rigid than the rest of the guys. I also

Day 3, Wednesday

I couldn't finish the last entry before they cut the light. My entire body is in pain right now. I woke up like that, and it didn't go away all day. Same schedule as yesterday, but different tasks and different dishes. The assistant really pushed today during the morning session, so I was exhausted already at the bus. Planting bushes at the city park all morning didn't help. I got some rest during Reeds rehash of elementary math. Then back to doing fences, and top it all off with weight training. I asked Mr. Kerwin about the schedule and why it was so different from everyone else’s. He said that everyone's schedule is individual and that he'll adjust mine as needed.

One more weird thing before I fall to sleep. Everyone else is using their normal clothes. I haven't gotten mine back yet.

Day 4, Thursday

FUCK! I was back on moving hay today again, with Sam, Trevor and Rick. I'm still hurting like hell and Rick is one lazy motherfucker, so old fart Farmer Joe decided to complain. The end result is that I am getting 2 days added for noncompliance. Sam, Trevor and Rick got nothing. WTF!

Day 5, Friday

We were carrying merchandise all morning and Troy heckled me on how I got more days because of the piece of shit Rick. But he then said that it was a weird coincidence that every work shift I've been on has been the toughest one.

Instead of going to class I met with the doctor from the hospital who made a visit. He asked me about how I felt, where I was sore etc. Then he gave me an injection which he said would ease things for me. I didn't feel much different, but I was getting really sleepy getting back to Mr. Reeds class, but it might just be that everything he did was too simple and boring.

Apparently while I had a check up Troy had shared his theory about me being a work magnet, so there were some groans from the guys placed in my group. God damn fence work again.

Man, I'm tired. I was tired even before Mr. Kerwin gave me the toughest weight pass ever. Fuck, I'm tired.

Day 6, Saturday

So the weekend schedule is different. There is still a morning work pass, basically only used by the local farmers. But the afternoon is free both on Saturdays and Sundays. Conditions and terms applies, apparently. Since I haven't done any cleaning or dishes all week (how could I?), I'm assigned washing clothes, sheets etc. Man, how much better it is to carry laundry than hay. Best job assignment all week. Lots of downtime. Only real drawback is all the humidity. It’s steamy AF here.

Still fucking 3h workout pass in the morning and evening. The other boys were pretty vocal in mocking me on my way to the gym.

Day 7, Sunday

So the day started out as any other so far. Woke up sore. Breakfast alone and 3 hour gym session. There are no work passes outside LARC on Sundays, so I was hit with cleaning, together with Kyle G. and Rick. Rick ghosted after like three minutes, but KG did a solid work. It took us all the time til lunch though to finish it.

Then my first free couple of hours all week. It’s insane. The other guys were low key avoiding me, so I did what Mr. Kerwin had suggested and had a walk in the forest. It was actually kind of nice, and for some weird reason I didn’t feel like sitting still.

Day 8, Monday

Same shit again. Mr. Kerwin gave me a shot in the arm this evening. Apparently I’ll have one each Monday from now on. Whatever.

Also I found out today that the others don’t have formal lights out. I’m on my own floor so they can lock me up and cut the power. What the fuck?

Day 9, Tuesday

That fucker Rick slacked off again, taunting me about another two days. Ha! I got 10. Mostly for kicking him in the teeth. They locked me in my room, so I had lunch there and sat in this boring ass cell during class and work. Fuck, I don’t know what’s worse. I had to do some body weight exercises to keep sane. Fuck this shit.

Back again. I still got to have my evening workout. Kerwin was pushing harder than ever. The order of exercises was different too. Apparently to make the major muscles tired so smaller muscle groups then get to work. Or something. I don’t give a shit.

Day 11, Thursday

They fucking work now, don’t they the little shits. They know I ruined someones career to get here and another one for slacking off. They better pull there weight

Day 14, Sunday

I think I’ll stick to just write on Sundays. There is only half an hour from evening gym to lights out, so there isn’t much time for writing. I’ve even skipped shower a few times. It’s not like it matters when you start every fucking day getting soaked with cardio. Not like there are any girls around to impress either. Sunday has a different vibe tho. Cleaning, running in the forest and taking a long shower.

Starts and ends with fucking gym time though.

Day 21, Sunday

I really fucking like the forest runs. Its like you don’t have to think and can just run wherever and grab whatever and smash whatever. Fucking love it

Day 28, Sunday

Yay! A full fucking month!

It’s crazy though how much stronger I’m. I have gone up one size larger track suite and 2 sizes larger sneakers. Working hard to make me the best I guess.

Day 42, Sunday

guess i forgot about writing last week. i think the monday shots make me angry or something because last week fucked up someone else on tuesday. at least they all give me fucking respect at least.

Day 92, Monday

i dont give a shit abot reeds borin ass lessons and they fuckin repeat on a loop or some shit. today he was back on gramr and the states. i most time dont fill out his shit but wanted to do it again today. fucking aced most of the states. not so good on the capitols tho

Day 203, Sunday

only 2 weeks left tomorrow lol then im gonna yeet the fuck outta here !!!! adios motherfuckas

Mr. Kerwin enters the room, carrying a folder, and walks behind his desk, not even looking at me. I am sitting in his precious fucking antique chair I pulled from the corner. He’s sitting his ass down, rifles through the papers in the folder and starts to read from one of them.

“John Hamlin agrees to 180 days of rehabilitation training at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center, where he will participate in all scheduled exercises, activities, therapies, meals and medication programs, with a possible extension of 30 days for noncompliance and a possible extension of 60 days for infractions as described by the Juvenile Rehabilitation Act (JuRA), section 1103 (b).”

He looks up at me. It sounded like easy shit when I said yes to it. I thought half a year in a bad boy summer camp, or worst case something like prison, but that would have been miles better than this fucking non-stop hard labor shit. And 180 days was a fucking joke. They never fucking intended that to be the actual time. Have someone else slack off and the slap another 2 days to the time. Kick a chair to pieces, 5 days. Punch a guy for being a cunt, 10 days. I’m close to having another fucking outburst again. It must be all that fucking shit they put in the food or shakes or whatever. I fight it. I don’t want to show any emotion in front of him. I don’t think he buys my shit.

“There is another document in the agreement that you haven’t heard. This one between Mark and judge Andrews.”

He pulls out another paper from the folder and read it.

“The state hereby directs Mark Samberg, or person(s) by him so designated, to design and oversee the rehabilitation program of John Hamlin to be administrated at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center. This includes physical exercises, physical therapy, education, consoling, dietary plan and medication, as long as it fulfills the positive development criteria (Appendix D), is within the available services at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center (Appendix A) and within the given budget (Appendix C). Additional services require external financing and approval from the Reformation Center management (Appendix B).”

That doesn’t make any fucking sense. Why the hell had the judge put Mark in charge of my schedule? I understand why he’d want to make the experience suck as much as fucking possible for me, by why had everyone agreed to it? Kerwin looks at me as if he can read an open book.

“You are wondering what has happened to you. What was the meaning of all this? Stand up.”

I jump to my feet. There are still weeks he can add to my time here, and I don’t want to give him any fucking reason to add some shit.

“Stand with your feet as close together as you can.”

He’s never asked me to do that before. I can easily tap me feet together, but I can’t really stand still with my feet right next to each other for long. What the fuck is this bullshit? My thighs are too massive for that.

“Sit down again.”

He leans back and watches me with a bemused smirk.

“Imagine that you’d been away from swimming half a year. Even if you kept in shape it would take you months to be back in good enough technique to clear the swim team tryouts. But you have not kept in shape, have you? You have a completely new shape.”

The blood is draining from my face. I understand where this is going.

“With your upper body build you can physically really only do butterfly strokes properly, but if you can’t bring your feet together the leg kick will just be a wild thrashing of water. You swimming medley would be a hilarious joke. We haven’t even talked about you almost doubling in weight, and how much more oxygen you would need to swim. Sure, you are much stronger now, but old you would swim circles around new you. And that is of course the point. If Mark couldn’t have his sports career, he didn’t want you to have yours either. And the judge agreed.”

I’m surprised that the chair doesn’t break, as hard as I’m squeezing it. I’m boiling with fucking rage. I have to really focus to not to act on it.

“Now the judge specifically set out that this transformation couldn’t be punishment in itself, but rather that you were trained in a way that just wasn’t optimal for swimming. We may have gone a bit overboard with the body building to leave you many options though. You’ll obviously never be competitive in anything with speed or agility, like football or boxing. The metabolic conditioning, hormone treatment and gene therapy have far to long lasting effects to change you back from where you are now. You could try wrestling or weight lifting though, unless you mind showing your erection through spandex.”

“What the fuck?”, I said, as much as a general question to all the things he’d said. What does metabolic conditioning mean? Gene therapy? Erections?

“The medical regimen that Marks family found for you kind of put the feet on both the gas and the break at the same time. It forces the body to grow a lot at the same time as we try to stop it, so it has to try even harder. By injecting stem cells with the right CRISPR-modified DNA we could get rapid, major and long lasting changes. Well, I say we, but all I did was to make sure you kept to the exercise regimen, for a little cash on the side… Surely you didn’t think you got larger feet and dick from eating much and working hard?”

I don’t understand exactly what they done to me, but the result is pretty fucking clear. There was no way I would swim competitively ever again, if I could even fucking swim at all now. I would come out of here looking like a fucking balloon animal muscle jock, and shedding the muscles back to where I were would take shitloads of years.

“The hormone treatment finished two weeks ago and last blood sample shows that your natural hormone levels will keep you muscled and pumped probably well into your forties. So this morning I also cut you off from all suppressive medication as well. That is going to spike your hormone levels and mess quite a bit with you, so we need to see just how badly fucked up you are before we can release you.”

“The good doctor say that you’ll be more irritable and have more excess energy than before. Both something you can work on with regular, hard exercise. But I want to see where you really are at now, so starting today you’ll have no required gym time and labor passes. You can wake up when you want, eat what you want and do what you want.”

“You said erections?”, I asked.

“Yeah, the suppression medication should have kept you limp. You haven’t jacked off while here, have you? Well, you heard what I said about gas and break and compensation. Your body has been pumping massive amounts of hormones into your blood, and will continue to do so. But now that you don’t have the suppressives anymore you should expect to be horny for the next decade or two. You’ll be nothing but a lumbering muscle dildo.”

There’s a crack somewhere inside the wood of the armrest. Fucking fourteen more days, I have to remind myself. Don’t fuck any shit up before then. If I let go of the chair I’m quite positive I will knock him the fuck out. Fourteen fucking more shit days.

[xbreezymeadowsx]

200 Questions

No one asked me to do it but I made @sharpiewashere do it so it’s only fair I suffer through, too.

200: My crush’s name is: Zach because husband but also... Tommy motherfuckin’ Flanagan

199: I was born in: New Hampshire

198: I am really: horny and annoyed

197: My cellphone company is: Verizon

196: My eye color is: Brown

195: My shoe size is: like 10.5W I think.

194: My ring size is: I think it’s a 9.

193: My height is: 5’ 3”

192: I am allergic to: cats and crop dust

191: My 1st car was: old ass shitty Jeep Grand Cherokee

190: My 1st job was: at a stand in a city mall where we had an inflatable slide and two bounces houses and served sno cones, smoothies, and novelty ice creams

189: Last book you read: Fangs by Sarah Andersen

188: My bed is: fuckin’ broken and uncomfortable and clearly not big enough for myself and my bedhog husband.

187: My pet: 1 old black cat.

186: My best friend: Yuki (that bitch is my best best best friend and I miss her to pieces)

185: My favorite shampoo is: Garnier Whole Blends: Honey Treasures

184: Xbox or ps3: Fuck both. Switch.

183: Piggy banks are: cute

182: In my pockets: nada at the moment

181: On my calendar: is scribbles from my kid

180: Marriage is: Don’t marry a redneck!

179: Spongebob can: stop. Give me the early Bob but that’s it.

178: My mom: loves Unicorns

177: The last three songs I bought were? Wap metal version, Room with a Zoo, Shoop

176: Last YouTube video watched: GabSmolders playing Control

175: How many cousins do you have? technically only 2 by blood and actual familial connections. 6 if you count some others. 9 if you count step-cousins.

174: Do you have any siblings? 1 big Seester!

173: Are your parents divorced? Yeah

172: Are you taller than your mom? Maybe? IDK, we’re both shorties

171: Do you play an instrument? sadly, no.

170: What did you do yesterday? Slept and worked

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: yes

168: Luck: yes

167: Fate: yes

166: Yourself: HA, you’re funny.

165: Aliens: no

164: Heaven: these are...

163: Hell: ... kinda loaded...

162: God: ... questions

161: Horoscopes: maybe

160: Soul mates: yes

159: Ghosts: yes

158: Gay Marriage: yes

157: War: yes

156: Orbs: yes

155: Magic: yes

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: unfortunately neither.

152: Phone or Online: online

151: Red heads or Black haired: black

150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunette

149: Hot or cold: cold

148: Summer or winter: winter

147: Autumn or Spring: autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate

145: Night or Day: night

144: Oranges or Apples: apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: straight

142: McDonalds or Burger King: McD’s outta these choices but I’d take Steak’N’Shake over either.

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk and Dark.

140: Mac or PC: PC

139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Zach can be sweet (he certainly isn’t ugly to look at) and we’re definitely on the poor side.

137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi (anybody remember Pepsi Twist? That was the best!)

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Buried or cremated: Buried I guess. Though, if I’m cremated, my ashes need to be spread in one place and no separating them.

134: Singing or Dancing: singing

133: Coach or Chanel: I am a redneck, these things don’t mean anything to me.

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who?

131: Small town or Big city: small town

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Either? I shop Wal-Mart all the time out of convenience but I do like Target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: I am overall not a fan of either barring a select couple movies (like Heavyweights and Little Nicky)

128: Manicure or Pedicure: no thanks.

127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate

124: Disney or Six Flags: Can I go to a Zoo instead?

123: Yankees or Red Sox: I’ll say Sox because New England but I don’t particularly care for baseball.

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: there’s a time and place

121: George Bush: he’s an idiot?

120: Gay Marriage: yay!

119: The presidential election: tearing families apart because people are stupid and vote for Trump

118: Abortion: this is a bit of a grey area for me. While I firmly believe in “my body, my choice”, I do not accept that argument if you are constantly getting them as if it is a form of birth control. Use proper contraceptives you slut.

117: MySpace: does that even exist anymore?

116: Reality TV: certain ones can assume me.

115: Parents: love them even when you don’t like them.

114: Back stabbers: pussies.

113: Ebay: never used it

112: Facebook: is reserved for pictures of kids, pets, funny videos and memes, and gifs.

111: Work: shitty... literally

110: My Neighbors: I’m just glad they aren’t the cousin-fuckers or the Methicans anymore.

109: Gas Prices: it takes like 20 bucks to fill my tiny car gas tank so whatever.

108: Designer Clothes: never fit me

107: College: didn’t go.

106: Sports: HA. My fat ass play sports? Maybe Badminton or Tetherball but that’s it.

105: My family: lives too far away.

104: The future: needs to be better than now.

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: like 20 mins ago when my kid was trying to suck up to me to get a sip of my frappe.

102: Last time you ate: two hours ago.

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Zane’s first day of school this year. Miss Angie came over to see him off in the morning.

100: Cried in front of someone: probably a few weeks ago.

99: Went to a movie theater: Twilight Breaking Dawn pt 2.

98: Took a vacation: three years ago.

97: Swam in a pool: probably close to 8 or more years ago.

96: Changed a diaper: 4-5 yrs ago.

95: Got my nails done: professionally? never. By Zane? last weekend.

94: Went to a wedding: three years ago.

93: Broke a bone: never. dislocated shit though.

92: Got a piercing: over a decade

91: Broke the law: probably frequently without realizing it.

90: Texted: couple mins ago.

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: oh I’m a funny bitch

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: nothing? fuck this house. fuck this town. fuck this state. I wanna go HOME home.

87: The last movie I saw: Smokin’ Aces 2

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: my nephew’s birth and the vacation we plan to take to see him!

85: The thing i’m not looking forward to: the travel for the vacation stated above.

84: People call me: a lot of things. most of them true.

83: The most difficult thing to do is: wake up

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Taurus

80: The first person i talked to today was: my husband

79: First time you had a crush: I had a massive crush on Shawn Micheals as a kid.

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my Seester

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: probably someone in the Flanaclan Chapel

76: Right now I am talking to: the Flanaclan on and off

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I’m supposed to grow up?

74: I have/will get a job: yes

73: Tomorrow: is Halloween

72: Today: I’m horny and annoyed

71: Next Summer: is a long time away

70: Next Weekend: work

69: I have these pets: already answered

68: The worst sound in the world: right now I’d have to say it’s Zane clucking his tongue.

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself? or more specifically my anxiety brain.

66: People that make you happy: my Flanaclan friends, my bff, my sister.

65: Last time I cried: a few weeks ago

64: My friends are: on the internet and/or mostly too far away

63: My computer is: a hunk of shit laptop

62: My School: never going ever again.

61: My Car: looks like the car emoji.

60: I lose all respect for people who: beat animals

59: The movie I cried at was: recently? Up

58: Your hair color is: brown

57: TV shows you watch: SOA, SVU, SWAT, wrestling, Wynonna Earp, Van Helsing, Supernatural

56: Favorite web site: tumblr and youtube

55: Your dream vacation: Scotland, Ireland, Wales, England, all that.

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: dislocating my knee

53: How do you like your steak cooked: med rare

52: My room is: some boring off-white

51: My favorite celebrity is: Tommy Flanagan

50: Where would you like to be: New Hampshire

49: Do you want children: I have 1 and that’s 1 too many.

48: Ever been in love: yup

47: Who’s your best friend: didn’t I already answer this?

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls nowadays. guys around here suck.

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: reading Chibs fics, staring at Flanagan

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Flanagan

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: hell no

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no

41: Have you pre-named your children: I did not.

40: Last person I got mad at: me

39: I would like to move to: for the millionth time, New Hampshire

38: I wish I was a professional: dog sitter/walker

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: Sour Patch Watermelons

36: Vehicle: 90′s Ford Ranger, Jeep Renegade, Jeep Wrangler, Jeep Gladiator, Ford Shelby GT350R 

35: President: certainly not the fuckin’ current one.

34: State visited: Massachusetts

33: Cellphone provider: Verizon

32: Athlete: Aleister Black, Drew McIntyre, Luchasaurus, Sonny Kiss (and fuck you if you try to tell me they aren’t athletes)

31: Actor: Tommy Flanagan

30: Actress: Millie Bobby Brown

29: Singer: Ville Valo

28: Band: HIM

27: Clothing store: don’t care.

26: Grocery store: don’t care.

25: TV show: Law & Order: SVU (as much as I’d love to say SOA, Law & Order was my first real love)

24: Movie: 10 Things I Hate About You

23: Website: tumblr, youtube

22: Animal: dogs, wolves

21: Theme park: Zoos

20: Holiday: Halloween

19: Sport to watch: professional wrestling, football, hockey

18: Sport to play: nothing that requires that much energy

17: Magazine: don’t read them much

16: Book: the House Of Night series and sequel series by P.C. Cast and Kristen Cast (I don’t care that I’m probably too old for them now, I love them)

15: Day of the week: Saturday

14: Beach: Hampton Beach, NH

13: Concert attended: 69 Eyes headlined (opening with Night Kills The Day, then Fair To Midland which were fine but also Wednesday 13!!!!!)

12: Thing to cook: fajitas

11: Food: apple fritters/apple cider donuts

10: Restaurant: Panda Express I suppose.

9: Radio station: WGFA

8: Yankee candle scent: Midsummers Night

7: Perfume: don’t wear perfume so much as body spray and it’s usually something like cucumber melon or some baked goods scent.

6: Flower: Tiger Lillies

5: Color: Green- specifically Forest/Hunter

4: Talk show host: idk I used to watch Maury all the time, does that count?

3: Comedian: George Carlin

2: Dog breed: Pittie mixes, mutts, labs, medium to big short haired breeds

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes I did.

[kooala]

since I feel stressed about not being able to pack all my crap until tomorrow, I’ll do the only responsible thing and do a tag instead of finishing packing boxes 🤡 thank you @kimsouthjoon​ for tagging me, love!

1. What colours is your hairbrush?

black

2. What food would you never eat?

so I have this unreasonable hate for fennel? so.. that I assume

3. Are you usually hot or cold?

I’m a person that’s ALWAYS warm even in the coldest of winter

4. What did you do 45 minutes ago?

pack boxes 💀

5. Favourite chocolate?

don’t LOVE chocolate but I love giotto.. you know those little balls with hazelnut? yessss

6. Have you ever been at a professional sports event?

Yea I’ve been to a couple of Yankees baseball games in the states and I’ve been to a Patriots football game!

7. What was the last thing you said out loud?

"Was soll der scheiß?” because the carton broke

8. Favourite ice cream flavour?

mint chocolate chip from baskin robbins

9. What was the last thing you drank?

woootah

10. What kind of wallet do you have?

I have a small chanel one in all black (the linked one isn’t the one I have because mine is last leason, but mine looks the same just in black with gold details - obviously mine wasn’t calf leather for 3.000 bucks but it was expensive enough thank you 😂 )

11. What was the last thing you ate?

oven baked feta with tomatoes, olives, spring onions and garlic

12. Did you buy clothes last weekend?

shoes... bought Jungkook’s FILA’s just to return them becuase I look like a construction worker when I wear them (,:

13. What was the last sports event you saw?

erm.. no clue

14. Favourite snacks?

dried mango

15. Who was the last one you texted to?

@cultleaderyoongi​ 😂😂 to be fair, that jungkook video killed me 

16. Do you like camping?

yes! especially for festivals

17. Do you eat vitamins?

nah only when I have a cold

18. When was the last time you travelled?

Went to visit my best friend in Edinburgh for Hogmanay!

19. Do you like sunbathing?

I do but I’m so fair skinned that I can only do it for like 20 minutes and after that I have freckles all over my face and weirdly enough - knees...

20. Asian or Italian food?

pizza all day every day

21. Do you drink soda?

nah, sometimes I buy a SUGA free if I really crave sweets and I don’t want to eat chocolate.

22. What colour socks are you wearing now?

black and white stripes

23. When was the last time you were speeding?

oh I got a ticket a week ago haha

24. What are you afraid of?

not many things but I can’t get over my fear of spiders

25. What can you see if you turn left?

my homepod

26. What kind of housework you like the least?

... none XD I like using window cleaner on stuff though! spray it babyyy

27. What is the first thing you think of when you hear someone talking in a language you don’t know?

nothing? sometimes I wonder which language it is and if I hear someone struggle in a different language I’m able to speak, like if they’re tourists and they’re looking for something, I chime in to help

28. Do you sleep on your back or side?

stomach

29. You crave fast food, where do you go?

.. I hate to say it and I rarely eat it but when I crave it I go for a whopper

30. What is your lucky number?

don’t have one

31. Who was the last person you talked to?

my mom

32. Do you eat meat?

Not at home, like I don’t cook it or buy any but (rarely) when I feel like eating something at a restaurant or take away, I don’t restrict myself.

33. What was the last song you listened?

Just One Day - BTS

34. Last book?

last ones I read was Simon Beckett, chemistry of the dead series

35. What is your favourite day of the week?

probably friday

36. Do you know the alphabet song backwards?

.. am I supposed to? is that a thing?

37. Favourite coffee/tea?

I like Americanos or caramel macchiatos ( don’t @ me) and milk tea

38. Favourite shoes?

the ones I wear most right now are my Nike Air Max 200 or my old school vans

39. When do you usually go to sleep?

when I have to work I try to aim for 11/12

40. When do you usually wake up?

6.30 when I work, weekends usually 9

41. Sunrise or sunset?

sunset

42. Do you like your bed soft or hard?

I like harder beds! hate memory foam

43. Describe the plate you are eating from

white plate with a black outline, looks like a handmade one

44. Your favourite type of alcohol

I always drink white wine or vodka with paloma and if you don’t know what paloma is I highly suggest you find out!! it’s mexican lemonade you can drink on it’s own!! so good

45. Do you like board games?

oh I’m super competitive so yeee kasdfhs

46. If you had a car, what kind would it be?

I’m driving this one and I love it, if I could get another one it’d be a g wagon

47. Do you know how to change car tires?

yes because I never wanted to be the girl having to ask for car help

48. Dream country

I’d move back to New York if I had the chance

49. If you could choose from any jobs in the world, what would you like to do?

Something with talent coaching, like helping artists grow and stuff

50. What would you like to try to do? And what is stopping you?

I’d really want to do scuba diving but I want to finish school before I do that

thanks again for tagging me!! I’ll tag these lovely beans:

@bangtan-madi​ @cultleaderyoongi​ @jamkookies​ @eslebt​ @bitoftaewithsugaandkookie​ and the rest I’ve tagged so much I feel guilty so if you want to do it, be my guest! haha

[kotlc-oneshots]

Blind!keefe au

Hey all!!! Sorry I’ve been dead, but writings block kills lol. Anyways I got this idea off of some lame discord convos and uhhh I hope it’s good. Also it’s late and lmao I have no motivation to edit my own writing uhhh here u go. Some mild swearing. Will be Kam if I keep going w it. Lov yall.

*~*~*

Pt.

one

Keefe

I’m lying in bed, of course, when the shrieking of my alarm goes off about four feet away from me. I blink my eyes open until they don’t feel sticky and gross, then grab my alarm clock. It’s a simple thing, a brick with about 5 buttons total on it, probably.

I pushed the button on the bottom left corner, and the loud wail finally ends. I groan and rub my head, wishing the colors and blobs that cloud the center of my milky vision would just come into focus.

However after years of hoping for that, every morning, I know nothing is going to happen. With a small sigh, I go into my ultra-specifically organized dresser.

Today is the first day of my senior year. Even if I wont be able to see myself, I want to know that others will appreciate the way that I look- or, at least, am dressed. There’s not a lot I can do if there’s anything wrong with my face or hair. I wish I could, though- even though I’ve been blind since birth, I still always want to look presentable. In order to do that, my friends help me once every other week to organize my outfits for the upcoming 14 days. It started in sophmore year, when Sophie got the wonderful idea, and it's been a tradition since. And thanks to my ‘photographic (ha) memory’, I always know what clothes I’m wearing. Always.

I’m about halfway dressed when hear a beep from the direction of my bed.

“New message from Fitz.” The automated, robotic voice of Siri tells me.

“Hey siri- read message from Fitz.” I respond, then finish putting on the rest of my clothes.

“Ready for your first day as a senior?” she reads back to me. I automatically change the sound to Fitz’s deeper, more human voice in my head. It’s pointless, but necessary.

“Hey siri- text Fitz ‘hell yeah brother.’” After a quick confirmation of what I’m sending, I go into the bathroom next to my bedroom. I carefully feel my way around for my toothbrush and brush my teeth, then proceed to run my hand through my hair. For a short moment, I wish I could see myself as more than a blob of milky, too bright color, but it fades quickly. I’d rather not think about it. So I finish up in the bathroom, then return to my room for my bag. With a quick ‘hey siri’, I manage to find my phone as well.

After a few more voice commands, I receive the news that Fitz will be here to pick me up at 7:30, which gives me about 20 minutes. I hop over to the kitchen and make myself a quick, hearty bowl of cereal. Being me, I choose the healthiest kind- Lucky Charms. When finished, I smile to myself and set the bowl near the sink- I know my dads at work by now, so I don’t have to worry about him. Sometimes there’s good things about waking up early. As I slip my bag on and go to the door to wait, I remember how lucky I am to have such a good memory, and such a constantly cleanly household. Otherwise, I’d be as clumsy in my house as Sophie is. I grab my cane and walk outside, chiding myself for thinking so much about the little things.

Fitz is there, honking his horn, about 5 ish minutes after I get outside. Sophie yells at him for being annoying, and I chuckle a bit. A window rolls down, and Biana’s voice comes through hollering to go to the back passengers side. I use my cane to help me a little bit, then grab onto the ledge made by the open window. I proceed to find the door handle, then carefully step into the car.

“If any freshman gives you crap today, you have full right to hit them with your cane.” Dex, who must be on on the other side of Biana, says.

“Thank you. I’ll definitely do that,” I respond with a laugh, and I can practically feel the worry in the air as Sophie warns me not to.

“We really don’t want you to get suspended on the first day. So just wait until tomorrow, and give them an extra hard whap on kneecap.” Biana adds cheerily.

“This is why you’re my favorite.” I awkwardly try to wrap my arm

around her head, but fail miserably. My peripherals are even worse than the center of my vision- there’s almost no light visible towards the edges. So I end up hitting her on the head, and play it off by messing her hair up. This, of course, causes her to whack my arm and call me a jerk.

“Alright, dumbasses, knock it off,” Fitz, my best friend of the

past 6 years, yells. “By the way, Keefe, we’re pulling in now.” A knot forms in my stomach. Man. First day of senior year at Foxfire. I can’t believe its so close to being over. The beginning of the end.

We pull into the parking lot and step out of Fitz’s Volvo. I turn towards the building, and take a deep inhale of the crisp morning air. My friends and family always like to comment on how pretty the building looks. Foxfire is a really prestigious private high school, and I know that they put a lot of money into the architecture

and the grounds. It's a pity that all I see is a building shaped blob of its beige color, and the faint blobs of green and other colors that I know are trees.

I try not to let myself think about it.

We walk into the building, and Fitz automatically splits off. He's supposed to help some teacher set up the presentation that the Freshman go to. I love him, but it's the first day of school and that man is already busy. This year is gonna be rough if we wanna keep up our hangout sessions- although, we both did take the same 6 AP classes. We’ll probably study together, when he’s not with his million other commitments.

After a few hugs and highfives, and a few debate friends greeting me, I go to my first class. I’m /not/ getting caught in that crowd, especially with the idiotic freshman pretending that they own the place. Off to AP music theory it is. C118 is easy enough- no stairs, and it's a pretty straight shot to the classroom. Again,

I thank my perfect memory to get me around. I may not know what the building looks like, but I basically have the blueprint downloaded in my head. Good times, man.

First period doesn’t result in much. We all get a copy of the syllabus, and a short introductory reading. I can feel a tinge of annoyance when the teacher acknowledges my inability to.. Uh, read it, but a girl named Linh volunteers to help me out with it. She seemed nice enough. She had a bit of a Canadian accent, and when I asked about it she confirmed that she was from… Minnesota. She was really sweet, and I’m genuinely hoping that’ll become a friendship.

The next couple periods go uneventfully. Fitz is in one of them, and Dex the other so I don’t have to worry about another situation like in first period. And the teachers always let me go about 2-3 minutes early, so I can avoid the crowds- that is, until lunch. I’m on my way down to the cafeteria when I run into… someone. They must have been very quiet- I didn’t realize they were that close to me and coming around the bend. So when they did, we kinda collided. I hear a soft curse when they thud to the ground, and from the shape and sound I know its a guy. I put the cane in my left hand and offer to help him up. I’m not sure what it is, but he doesn’t accept it.

“You good man? I didn’t see ya there.” I laugh a little, because

duh. He doesn’t. I can’t really make out any of him- his hair is /probably/ black- and this agitates me, because he doesn’t respond. And then he practically runs away.

I have no way to identify him- probably a dumb freshman that didn’t want his ass kicked by the blind senior. Trying to shake off the interaction, I roll my eyes and start on my way to lunch again.

//

“Honestly, today was AWFUL. The second half, at least.” I’m now at Fitz’s house, along with Dex. “I already told Dex about that one guy that ran into me, but Stats teacher was awful. She probably heard something from Michaels about last year- just because I rarely showed up doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing! I got along in that class fine.”

“Keefe, I taught you like half of that course.” Fitz replies, laughing.

“Because you actually know how to do math! Michaels is an awful excuse for a pre calc teacher. Dex, be glad that you got Hex.” I retort. It’s not wrong- Mr. Michaels had been very incompetent. If not for Fitz, I would have gotten the worst grade I ever had in my high school career.

“You know I am.” Dex agrees. “Even Hex hates Michaels, but she won’t admit it. Outright, at least.”

“Ok, enough about horrible teachers. Tell me about the guy who ran into you.” Fitz pipes up, not wanting to be apart of a conversation dissing his soccer coach. I let him divert the conversation, even though I really wanna rag Michaels to the ground most of the time.

“Well, that's the thing. There’s nothing to tell- I ran into him and he fell. Then he ran away, without saying a word,” I say. “I wanna know just as much as you do.”

“That’s cute.” Dex comments, and I shake my head.

“You know what I mean.”

“Suuuuureee.” The tone of his voice makes me hit him, which starts a wrestle between the three of us that lasts for about half an hour. By the end of it, I’m sure I have multiple bruises from falling, kicking something wrong, and getting hit, but I don’t care much. We fall into a panting heap on Fitz bed, and we through half hearted punches at each other that hold no intention. Needless to say, I’m sweaty and gross, and when Fitz informs me that it's almost 8, I ask to go home. A man's gotta shower- and get his beauty sleep.

So Fitz drives me and Dex home, the three of us having pointless conversation about classes and plans we should make. I get dropped off first, and they wait as I carefully make my way to door of my house, not leaving until I get inside. I hear the thrum of his engine as Fitz drives off, then make my way to the bathroom.

After a quick shower, I brush my teeth and head off to bed.

I drift off, and my thoughts are filled with a mysterious blob with probably black hair and evil math equations.

[natsuxlucyfanfiction]

Superhero Part 3 (nalu fanfiction)

Yo so what’s good, this is Superhero Part 3 but like...what I wanted to write is a longer idea which in no way I could have written with one post. So basically there’s gonna be a part 4 and possibly a part 5. If you read this and think, “wait, how is this related to Superhero?” it’ll all start to make more sense with the upcoming chapter(s).

*********

“Congratulations, your highschool days are officially over! Please leave already!” Everyone’s graduation caps flew up as people cheered with excitement, joy, and jubilation. The caps came down in a flurry onto the ex-students. The celebration continued, everyone too caught up in the moment to make a complaint.

Lucy and I did our secret handshake to celebrate while everyone screamed and hugged and cried and leapt for joy. Through our entire lives, we always knew it would happen one day but now it was real. Neat, I guess.

“We did it, we did it, we did it,” Lucy chanted jovially with a sing-song tone. She was the fourth in our class.

“We did it,” I nearly wept with relief.

“This is the start to a whole new chapter of our lives!”

“tHiS iS tHe sTaRt tO a wHoLe nEw cHaPtEr oF oUr LiVeS,” I mocked her. “Lucy, you realize you’re gonna wake up tomorrow and you’re gonna feel zero different and then feel dumb for acting all cliché at your graduation.”

“I hate you!” Lucy whined, hands on her hips. “Why can’t you just let me enjoy the moment for once?”

“What moment? We’re graduating! Why are we all pretending that we liked school? You know how many times I’ve heard people complain about this dumb place?” Giving her a hard time was the best. Her nose always scrunches up and she thinks she looks intimidating, which makes it like 10 times better.

“You are literally the worst, you’re making me want to move to Crocus more and more by the second,” she joked. Freaking Crocus.

“You think you’re soooo much better than me now since you’ve been accepted into Crocus University.”

“No, of course not! Just because it’s the second most prestigious school in the entire world and is extremely hard to get into especially with a scholarship like mine, doesn’t mean that I’m gonna flex that privilege.”

“Very reassuring, thanks,” I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm. It’s not even the best school, it’s the second best. I don’t know why she cares so much. She should just stay here.

“You’re just salty that in less than two months I’m moving hours and hours away,” she said again to tease me, but she wasn’t wrong. There are good universities nearby. Sure, attending Crocus University was a great opportunity for Luce, but she’s leaving everything behind. Even me.

“Yeah, sure. Maybe when you’re gone I can finally get myself a girlfriend,” I said.

“That’s as likely as you attending Crocus University,” Lucy giggled. “It’s the second best university in the entire world, just a quick reminder. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m going there.”

“All bow for Lucy Heartfilia!” I’d miss our little banter.

“You’re kinda right though, I’m over this. Wanna go get wings?” Lucy was bouncing up and down with her typical boundless energy. She’s always so excited and full of happiness.

“Tonight, we eat ‘till we drop.” We bumped fists and left graduation in my truck. I gave her the aux cord and hoped she wouldn’t play trash. To my great fortune, the sweet music by Queen flooded my ears. Lucy grabbed the fake microphone we always kept in the back and began singing along.

“Get your party gown and your pigtail down

And get your heart beating baby

Got my timing right, got my act all tight

It’s gonna be tonight my little school baby”

These are the moments I’ll miss. Her next to me, carefree and happy. It’s not like she’s dying, I don’t know why this is affecting me as much as it is. There’s social media which will keep us connected. And she’ll be happy there. She’s been nothing but excited since the second she read “Congratulations!” on her acceptance letter. I spent all my time hoping she would make it in, so I was surprised by how much my stomach dropped when she read the letter to me.

I need to forget about it right now and savor the time I have left. I sped up, way over the speed limit, and lowered the windows. The wind blew through our hair as we both blurted the lyrics to the next song, Hot Blood by Kaleo. I looked cool as heck, but Lucy’s hair flew in every possible direction because it was so long.

Life is good.

-------------

The airport was freaking huge. It took us forever to find Lucy’s terminal. Maybe this was a sign that she shouldn’t go to Crocus. Stop being selfish, Natsu! I kept reminding myself.

“Flight 442, first class passengers please board.” That was Lucy’s flight. Soon they’d call for coach or economy class, whatever it was called.

“This is actually happening,” Lucy said with an out-of-breath tone. After months and months of excitement, it seemed as if reality just hit her. She looked pale and shaky. “Natsu, I can’t go, I’m not ready-”

“Lucy.” I took a deep breath. “Your dreams are coming true. No one ever feels ready to leap into a new era of their life. It’s the few who leap anyway that are the ones who live their happy lives.” I looked in her eyes and saw the same nervousness that I felt. “This is what you’ve always wanted. There’s nothing more that I could’ve wished for than this opportunity for you. I 100% think that this is a great idea.” I 100% want you to stay home, Lucy. Please don’t listen to a word I’m saying.

“You tryna get rid of me or something?” Lucy laughed while wiping unshed tears from her eyes.

“Am I making it too obvious?” I joked along. Of course I don’t want to get rid of her. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that she’s going and about to live her dream. I just... wish I could be a part of it.

“Flight 442, economy class passengers please board,” the annoying flight attendant announced.

“That’s me,” Lucy whispered with a soft smile on her face. She wrapped me into a hug, squeezing tightly. I hugged her back, knowing this was the last one for a long time. Be happy for her, Natsu. Be supportive, stop thinking about yourself. It was our last moments in person together for who knows how long yet I was silent. I couldn’t think of what to say. Think, Natsu! Come on dude! She pulled away from the hug and I saw more unshed tears in her eyes. I knew she wouldn’t cry here, but the second she sat down in that plane she’d let the tears fall loosely.

Lucy picked up her carry on and pulled out her passport and ticket for the attendant to check. I just stood here and watched her like some creep as she waited in the line. Finally, she was about to go through the gate, I think it’s called, when I shouted out:

“Goodbye, Little Luce!”

She turned around and smiled, a gorgeous smile I’d never forget. “Goodbye my Superhero!” Lucy called out with no shame. She was probably too far away to notice the tears streaming down my face.

The plane left 20 minutes ago, but here I was still at the terminal, as if somehow the plane would turn around and she’d come back running into my arms. A boy could dream. It felt like I was mourning Luce, but she wasn’t leaving my life permanently. We’d still talk everyday.

I drove to my apartment. Usually I’d play some sort of music to fill the silence, but today I just wanted the quietness. Both in the car and at my apartment I just contemplated. What would life look like without Lucy?

A week later I’d start learning at some Automotive school nearby to become a mechanic. I’ve already been working on cars for years so it won’t be too much of a challenge.

I grabbed the remote and switched on Netflix. After a bit of scrolling, I found out all of the Indiana Jones movies were on Netflix. “Sweet!” I selected Raiders of the Lost Ark then grabbed blankets, snacks, and drinks for Lucy and I. It was only when I got back to the couch that I remembered Lucy wasn’t there anymore. Force of habit, I guess.

Man, getting used to this is gonna be tough.

———-

*9 months after graduation, 7 months since Lucy left*

The thing that surprised me the most was that I was actually learning a lot in school, I thought I knew everything. A mechanic at the nicest shop around took me in as his assistant. My schedule was full between school and the shop. When I get my certificate in a year and a half, I’d begin working there full time.

Lucy and I used to talk every single day for hours. We‘d constantly text or facetime or snapchat, but both our lives have gotten so busy. We still talk everyday (streaks) but not one conversation hasn’t been cut short due to one of us needing to do something.

“Morning Luce!”

“Good morning! Dude have you seen the trailer for the new Avengers movie?”

“No, it’s out?! I’ll check it out when I get home. Class is starting, I’ll call you later.”

Looking back at these past conversations made me realize how short and choppy they were. That wasn’t either of our intentions but that’s how it was turning out and it just really sucks.

--------

*11 months since graduation, 9 months since Lucy left*

My phone vibrated from the charger when I was watching Brooklyn Nine Nine. I checked it, hoping it wasn’t anything important and I wasn’t called in to work so I could enjoy my day off. It was an instagram notification from Lucy. Apparently she just posted something. After switching my phone off silent, I opened instagram to check it out but was stopped when I got a call from her.

“Sup Luce.”

“Did you see my post on instagram?!” She practically screamed. I turned down the volume a bit.

“You mean the one you just posted literal seconds ago?” She ignored my comment and continued on.

“Check out the post now! Do it! Open Instagram! Like the post so I know you saw it!” I opened up the app and her post was the first one on my feed.

“‘Mark the day, everybody,’” I read, “‘because today is the beginning of Mark and I’s relationship’? Lucy you have a boyfriend?!” She never even told me she was talking to somebody! I know communication has been tough with both of our busy schedules but I didn’t think we were drifting apart so much so that she wouldn’t tell me something like this!

“Yup, he asked me out today. We’ve been talking for a while now, if you know what I mean,” she said with a suggestive tone.

“Congratulations, though I don’t even know who this mystery Mark is.” Making sure to add a laugh so it didn’t look like I was calling her out, I awaited her response.

“If you did know him, you’d love him Natsu. You guys would get along so well.”

“But I don’t know him.” My voice conveyed the frustration that was starting to stir in me, becoming a little louder and more aggressive. Luckily, it was subtle enough for Lucy not to catch.

“Stop being a little wuss,” Lucy joked. “He’s my boyfriend, not yours. You don’t need to know him.” Her tone was so lighthearted, yet I took the words so seriously.

Is that supposed to sting? This whole conversation really just isn’t doing it for me. Not only that, but for some reason now I feel sick too. My gut feels weird. “Well I hope y’all live happily ever after in that dream castle you’d always draw on the back of your tests. Wanna continue this conversation later? I gotta deal with a client for the shop.” I was currently sitting on my couch with a show on Hulu paused.

“For sure, see ya!” And with that, one of the hardest phone calls of my life came to a close. I don’t know how I feel about this Mark guy. Whoever he is, I don’t want Lucy dating him. It’s not my choice, that’s obvious, but I thought she’d at least consult me about whether she should date him. Or, you know, tell me about him! Is our friendship slowly deteriorating? Maybe I’m just thinking about myself too much, or like, being too possessive of a best friend. She doesn’t have to tell me everything. Lucy can do whatever she wants.

I ignored the tight feeling in my chest and continued watching Brooklyn Nine Nine. The episodes passed by but they didn’t register. My thoughts consumed me. Anxiety about my friendship with Lucy just made that already weird chest pain feel worse. I didn’t cry but boy did it feel like I was gonna. Was our friendship dying? All I know for certain now is that I’m the king of overthinking.

***************

As I said earlier, there will be more. Please leave a comment, for real, I legitimately wanna know what’s good and what’s not and how I can fix whatever to make the experience better for y’all.

[hershelsstyles]

Lost in Japan

Part 3 - Harry gives Nina a backstage tour

word count: 2,281

Series masterlist

The city gets dark and after having dinner at a local restaurant, I go back to my hotel. After I check in and get up to my room, the first thing I do is pull my SD card out of my camera and shove it in my laptop.

I look at the amazing images I got from today, I choose my favorite and post it to Instagram. I tag the location and write a small caption.

Less than a few minutes later, the picture has over 2,000 likes, and so many comments saying the same thing.

"Omg Harry's in Tokyo to!! Is that why he followed her?"

I remember how Harry said he would be in Japan soon. My stomach starts to feel bubbly. Why am I feeling nervous?

After chilling, I open my laptop again and decide to read through my emails. It's crazy how when you gain a small following on Instagram the number of random companies email you with all sorts of weird brand deals. Almost all of them are spam, but I come across one email from a personal Gmail account that I don't recognise. I click on it.

From: Jefferyazzof@gmail.com

Hello, you have been invited to Harry Styles live on tour in Tokyo on the 12th of May. Please be at the venue at 7 pm, give your name to the box office to collect your tickets. Looking forward to seeing you there.

Kind Regards

Jeffery Azzof,

Full Stop Management.

This is insane. I immediately check the date as I have basically been jumping time zones throughout the last week, I have no idea what day it is. Today is the 11th of May, that means the concert is tomorrow. My heart is skipping beats, I feel so excited. This is actually crazy, Harry has invited me to his show! How does he know I'm in Tokyo? I know I told him I was going to be in Japan soon, but I never specified dates. My phone buzzes in my lap. Its a notification from Instagram, @harrystyles liked your post. I open the app to see which one he liked, it's not even my latest post, he's looking through my feed.

I don't even have to think about whether I'm going or not, there is no question about it. I don't know if I'm supposed to reply to the email or not. I decide against replying because firstly I would know what to say or not sound desperate. I sit on my bed and try to comprehend what just happened. I think about what I'm going to wear, what is it going to be like? Am I going to see him? Obviously, I'm going to see him perform, but will we get the chance to see each other again?

I decided I should probably listen to his album some more if I'm going to his show. As I'm getting ready for bed I'm singing the words to 'Sweet Creature', his album is actually really good. It so different to One Direction but I find myself starting to really like it. I wonder if it's going to sound different live, what kind of show he will put on. I fall asleep listening to ‘From the Dining Table.’

The next morning when I wake up, I remember the events of last night and my evening plans and my stomach is doing flips. I'm so excited, but nervous. As I hop in the shower and get ready for the day I can't wipe a smile off my face.

Today I was planning on going to the gardens Harry suggested I visited, and since the show is at 7 pm I still have the whole day ahead. After spending the day around Tokyo shooting the whole time, I head back to my hotel around 5 pm so I can get ready.

After I shower, I straighten my hair. I put on a bit of light makeup which consists of a tinted moisturizer, bronzer, a swipe of highlighter on my cheekbones and eyelids, mascara, and lip balm.

I put on my outfit which is a red dress which comes above my knees and has buttons down the front. It light and summery as Tokyo weather is warm, and so is a concert. I decide against any fancy shoes and settle with my old skool black vans, I'm going to need comfort as Ill probably be standing the whole night.

After spending about 20 minutes trying to figure out a route to get to the venue on public transport, I decided to give up and call a taxi. I don't want to risk getting lost and being late. I make my way down to the hotel lobby just as the taxi arrives.

When I get to the venue I'm overwhelmed with how large it is. I quickly spot the box office in the crowds of people and make my way over. Next to me is the merchandise tent with very long lines. I look at the merch being sold as I join the much shorter line for the box office, my eye is caught by the 'Treat People With Kindness' t-shirts, I love that, he's using his platform to spread such a nice message. I really want to get one but the line is so long and I'm already in the line for the box office.

Soon it's my turn to step up to the window. I begin to realise the person working probably doesn't know English, and I don't think my Japanese is good enough to explain why I'm here. My worries soon disappear as when I approach the window she greets me in English.

"Hello, how can I help you today?"

"Hi, um I was told to come here and pick up a ticket for Nina Grey"

"One moment please," she says as she types into her keyboard. I nervously watch her in anticipation, maybe that email was a joke, my email is in the bio of my Instagram, anyone could have sent it.

I start feeling hot, and not because of the warm weather, my nerves are kicking in. She then picks up the phone next to her and starts speaking quickly in Japanese. I can't understand anything she's saying other than when she says my name.

She puts down the phone, I'm fully preparing myself for her to start laughing at me and tell me there no ticket for me.

But she instead smiles at me "I will just print your ticket now, Jeff will be here to take you inside soon"

I recognise the name Jeff, the guy who sent the email. A flood of relief comes over me. The lady hands me my ticket and tells me to wait by the VIP check-in area for Jeff. I thank her as I walk away.

Not long after, a tall man in his early thirties walks over to me, he reaches out his hand to shake mine. "Hi, you must be Nina, I'm Jeff, Jeffery Azzof. I'm Harry's manager, the guy who sent you the email."

I shake his hand, "Hi yes I'm Nina, nice to meet you."

"Well, we better get you inside, ah and before I forget you will need this." He hands me a lanyard with backstage written on it.

"Follow me." He says.

"I really wasn't expecting this, thank you"

"No problem, now I'm just warning you, backstage can be pretty chaotic, so try not to get in the way, everything needs to run smoothly." I nod while we keep walking.

I can tell Jeff is good at his job, his tone wasn't rude or mean, just simply being honest, which I appreciate.

We pass a security guard as we enter through a large door, Jeff waves and smiles. The security guard doesn't say a thing. Jeff was right about backstage being chaotic, there is staff running around, people chatting, eating, and getting ready.

Jeff takes me to the main area where there's a food and drinks table, there's also couches and tables all around, and a ping pong table in the middle of the room. The table has the same words written on it as the merch, 'Treat People With Kindness'.

There are two people that are playing a seemingly serious game of ping pong. One of them looks to be a sound engineer as he's wearing all black and has earpieces, walkie-talkies, and many wires sticking out of his pockets. He hits the ball to the other person playing with him. It's Harry. He's wearing sweatpants, black vans, and a white t-shirt which I recognise, it's his own merch.

I stand and watch the game with Jeff, "Harry is very serious about his ping-pong" He says.

When Harry goes to hit the ball he looks up at me and smiles. He completely misses the ball and it bounces off the table onto the ground and under a couch. The sound guy throws his hands up in the air.

"I finally won! I bet the unbeatable Harry Styles!" Harry doesn't seem to care very much as he puts down his bat and walks over to me.

"Nina, how lovely it is to see you again!" He says going in for a hug. "Thank you for inviting me"

"No problem, I figured since you're here and all you might as well come! I didn't think you would to be honest, we have only met once."

"Of course I was going to come, who would say no to a free show?" I say laughing, he laughs too.

"No seriously, I had nothing else better to do, and I listened to some of your stuff and it's actually pretty good"

"Thank you, that means a lot. You look incredible by the way, red is defiantly your colour." I feel my cheeks starting to blush, and before I can say anything back he grabs me by the hand. "Okay let me show you around"

He first takes me to some dressing rooms, there is a hairdresser styling a guys hair sitting in a chair.

"Nina, this is Ayae our hairstylist, and Adam my guitarist getting his hair styled, because he defiantly needs it," he says jokingly.

"Adam, Ayae, this is Nina."

"Hi, nice to meet you guys"

"So this is the girl you met in business class while the rest of us were sitting in coach?" Adam says in a thick British accent.

"Yes actually it is, and I offered to upgrade you guys, but you all said no"

"Well, we will see you guys later, better get on with this backstage tour." Harry says as he walks out the door, I wave goodbye. The door to the next room is shut, as Harry knocks, I read the sign above it which reads 'Wardrobe'.

"Its always good to knock, I've definitely walked in on more people changing than I would have liked to," He says laughing.

"Come in!" An American voice yells out. Harry opens the door and there are two people standing there looking very suspicious.

"You guys were definitely making out weren't you?" Harry asks. "Definitely not!" the woman exclaims too overprotectedly.

"This is Mitch and Sarah. Mitch is my best friend and guitarist, and Sarah plays the drums, very well might I add." They both acknowledge me by nodding their heads.

"Hi, I'm Nina"

"So this is wardrobe where we keep all our clothes" Harry says as he runs his hand over all the clothing on the racks. "Okay we better be moving on" Harry says as he walks out of the room.

I'm shown around more places, and basically introduced to every person we see. Helene his photographer, Claire his pianist, and many more people I can't remember the names of.

He looks at his watch, "I'm going to have to go and get ready for the show soon, but I want to show you one more thing." He says excitedly.

I follow him as we wind down more hallways, through more doors, and the further we go the louder it gets.

"Warpaint the opening act is on now, but you have to see the crowd from here," he says as he runs up the metal stairs leading to the side of the stage.

I look out at the crowd, "Woah, this is insane" I say. The whole arena is filled. "Don't you feel nervous?" I ask "All these people have come to see you"

"I don't really get nervous anymore, only when there are people in the crowd I know, like you." He says, I smile and laugh, this is so crazy.

"Well we better go back now, I'm due on stage soon, this is their last song."

When we get back to the main backstage area, Harry goes up to Jeff and puts his hand on his shoulder.

"Make sure Nina gets to her seat alright"

"Sure thing" he says then gets distracted by his phone ringing. "Sorry gotta take this" he says walking away.

"Well Jeff is going to kill me if we get behind schedule, so I better be off to get ready. Thank you for coming tonight, I know its kind of odd I just met you, but I really wanted you to be here."

"No thank you for inviting me, that was really nice of you."

"Enjoy the show, see you after?"

"Sure, good luck Harry," I say smiling as he walks off down the hallway.

Jeff walks over to me and puts away his phone. "Okay should I take you to your seat now?"

"That would be great, thank you," I say as Jeff gestures me to follow him out the way he showed me in.

Part 4

[doux-ciel]

Personal Trainer CH.2

Tagged: @alinakerrin @erinisawriter @fannistwrites @riftversus @requiemdelune @lefttowritee @pazwrites @writing-in-the-margins @sauwrites @delphwrites @thewritertiffany @theouterdark @xanderswriteblr @youngdumbxlit @jess---writes @jadeswritinggarden @between--alleys @bzrtales @bonewrites @niva-writes @natalierosewrites @between--alleys @supersaiyansadie @velvet-moss @dolphin108 @blackandwhitesunsets @godxblooded

Masterlist: 🥊🥊🥊

I was back from a long weekend of ice packs and Tylenol tablets, I decided to stop by Donnie’s Gym.

Once I walked in I was greeted by my Uncle who is also my coach. “What are you doing here?” He had a look of concern when he saw my face, I could already tell he was staring my nose which was still swollen from the events prior.

I roll my eyes and walk past him, looking around the building. I can sense that he is following behind me; I turn around we are face to face now, that's when I start to speak. “Look I know you said I can’t compete again until I win a match but-”

I got interrupted by his laughter. Then his tone got serious. “You haven’t won in 2 months Azalea...No”

I scoff, I wasn't taking no for an answer. I continued. “Look we can try different cities...different countries-”

He motioned his hand back and forth between me and him. “We?”

I nodded my head.“Yeah I was thinking we-”

Again I was interrupted by him, he turns to me his eyes focused on mines, he grips both of my shoulders softly. “These girls come in here fighting for their life...kill or be killed. People actually die in the ring, I don't want you being the next victim….this isn't a game this is real life”

I brush him off, chuckling. “Your over exaggerating..I'm not gonna die, I'll never let another girl get the best of me anymore”

Now it's his turn to chuckle. “You real tough now huh?”

“You damn right”

“I'm not taking you on” he walks past me, walking towards the back where there were some girls practicing. I could already tell in his demeanor he was getting aggravated. He cups his hands over his mouth and starts to yell.

“WE AREN’T SOME PRISSY BALLERINAS THAT ARE GRACEFUL AND SOFT...WE ARE BOXERS WE ARE HARD, WE ARE MIGHTY, WE FIGHT FOR OUR RIGHT TO BE IN THE RING. WE ARE CHAMPIONS!”

After hearing that I got pumped all over again, I grabbed some gloves nearby that was sitting on the ground. I climb into the 20 foot square ring.  “Listen up”

“Get out the ring Azalea!” I hear my Uncle yell out.

Ignoring him I walk in the middle of the ring, I take off my necklace and hold it up. “This necklace my boyfriend gave me...worth $400 whoever can knock me out in under 10 seconds get its.”

“What I gotta put up for it” I hear someone say. I look to where the sound was coming from, I smirk at her. |Rachel Otis “The Cheetah”| 12-1-0 | 13 wins by knockout |

“Put up your hands” I start to put my gloves on, I feel someone tugging at my shirt. 

I look down and see My Uncle. “What are you doing?!”  

“I'm going to prove to you that I am a champion”

He shakes his head side to side,“You don't have to prove anything to me..you are going to get your shit rocked” He warns.

I move out the way so I can get in my stance. I hear my uncle again, “Put on your head gear”

“I don't need it” I skip back on the ring, I turn back around and touch gloves with her. I back up and throw a couple of punches to the body, I could tell she was losing her footing so I used that against her, moving to opposite side every time she moved. Eventually she got caught up and I got her, sending an uppercut, she falls down in the ring.

To say I was on a high was an understatement, I felt like I was on top of the world. I hop on the ropes of the ring and yell. “What did I tell you!! I still got it...send someone else in, I'm ready”

I see Uncle Don shaking his head, I know he didn't believe in me but now I'm showing him; I'm showing everybody i'm back and I'm better. I see someone step in front of the ring. Helena “The Firecracker” Kingsmith |29-0-0 | 20 wins by knockout |  “I’m next….I’ll knock you out in 4 seconds”

Uncle Don turns to Helena. “You need to warm-up?”

Helena cracking her neck staring directly at me, I can tell she’s out for blood. “No, I got it” She walks past him and hops into the ring. “You ready to rumble?”

“Less talking more fighting” I stare back at her, but before I start I take my uncle’s advice and put on some headgear. After I get situated I walk up to her, ready to touch gloves but she shook her head no. I proceed to back up in my corner and someone rings the bell.

It all felt like a blur, 4 seconds later I'm face down on the mat. One punch to my face and I was done. I lay on the floor struggling to breathe, I spit out my mouthpiece and I hear my uncle in my ear. 

 “I told you...you aren’t ready”

I finally get myself up, resting on my elbows. “No I am ready, just tell me what to do”

He sighs, he grabs my arm helping me back up on my feet. We both walk over to the front desk where he gets out the first aid kit. “That’s not my job to tell you what to do, I'm supposed to teach you and your supposed to know what to do.” He takes some cotton balls out and starts to press it on my now tender nose. “Look Azalea, I already told you I'm not working with you anymore”

Just then I hear Helena come from behind my snatching the necklace out of my hands, before she walks out she turns to me. “My mother will love this necklace”

Damn.

Griffin is going to be pissed.

                       ¤ ¤ ¤

I was on facetime with my mom who was telling me about how my dad was attempting to fix the garage door. When the conversation died down, she finally focused her attention on me. “How was your day?”

I move the camera closer to my bruises on my face, and then I bring the camera back out frowning. “How do I look mom?...I got my ass beat in front of everybody”

I hear her on the other end, probably laying in her bed watching her favorite t.v. show- The Discovery Channel. “What did your uncle say...is he going to take you on?”

“He dropped me”

“What? Isn't he family”

I set my phone down on my coffee table and I bring the now melted ice pack from my face, walking over to the kitchen. I mumble to myself. “Yeah….I guess family don't mean shit to him”

“Oh honey-bun, me and your father are here...Are you gonna continue fighting?” I hear her say.

I shouted back. “Of course I am...it’s in my DNA”

I think back to my birth father, he was one of the best boxers in the state of California, my birth mother left when I was 8. She went to go live with another man so that left me and my father, he took care of me. I remember going with him to the tournaments and my Uncle Don was right beside us, It was us against the world.

When I turned 12 my dad got into heavy drugs and drank a lot, he would come home and just start yelling and breaking all of the furniture and then when he would wake up the next morning he didn't know what had happened.

It just kept getting worse, to the point that CPS got involved and I got taken away, by the time I was 15 I had been in about 10 foster homes...hated all of them. I finally got adopted by my amazing mother and father who have treated me like the princess I am, they let me keep in contact with my Uncle so he has been training me for fighting in the ring ever since I was 16.

After having my flashback I got a new ice pack out from the freezer and walked back in the living room, grabbing my phone and sitting down on the couch, Indian style.

“What are you gonna do if you don't have a coach?”

“I don't know..” A bright flash of color caught my attention, it was coming from the t.v. I grabbed the remote and pressed unmute.

“Hi I'm Fiona Wescott, With my unique 5 point plan I will put you on the path to get the training you deserve.”

I start to remember the fight, then the fight after the fight. Her name, it rings a bell...I pause the tv. “Fiona...that name sounds familiar”

After a few seconds of me trying to relay back the memories of my previous match, I remember her face. “Mom I gotta call you back”

I fish out the woman's business card, from my purse.

Fiona Wescott

(362)-425-2526

Here for your boxing needs

I click on the phone icon on my phone and press the numbers, it rings for a few seconds before I hear her pick up. “Fiona Wescott….”

“Hi yes I was calling for an appointment to meet with you.”

She continues. “Ok, your name and what time?”

I start to walk over to the my fridge, checking my calendar for tomorrow. “Is 2 good? And I'm Azalea”

“Yeah….I'll see you then.”

Well I might as well give it a shot.

[watchmist1412]

Break the Ice- Chapter 5

Co-written by @bloodredruby and @watchmist1412

BTI Fanart  // Nalu cover // Gruvia cover

Words ~ 2700

Rated K+

Summary: Figure Skating AU. After an accident Gray, a professional figure skater, has to take some time off to heal and he’s not enjoying it AT ALL. What he didn’t expect was meeting Juvia, a swimmer tired of her career, even less ending up as her coach. Lucy, an aspiring figure skater, came to realize it was a whole new experience with a pink haired weirdo and his equally weird cat by her side.

Fanfiction.net

<<Previous Chapter // First Chapter

-------------------------------

“You are not completely horrible but you do need some work. Training starts tomorrow, 7 am sharp. And DON’T be late.”

“I’m gonna be late, I’m gonna be late!!” Lucy repeated in her mind as she sprinted across the pavement barely avoiding most of the other pedestrians minding their own business. Well, she did bump into some of them and she just may have forgotten to apologize in her hurry.

Oh she was so screwed! Aquarius was going to kill her! Her first day of practice and she’s already on the verge of being kicked out! Excellent job Lucy.

Lucy was hardly ever late for anything especially an important event. She usually was on time or even a little earlier so why on the first day of pursuing her dream she managed to run late? Right, she was so nervous and excited the previous night and she couldn’t fall asleep no matter how hard she tried. When she eventually entered the land of dreams she was so exhausted she managed to sleep through 3 alarm clocks!

And she would still be sleeping if it wasn’t for Levy. Lucy had promised to eat breakfast together with her best friend so after some time and a couple of missed calls Levy decided to come to her apartment to check up on her friend. Figuring out Lucy was still asleep she started banging on the door to wake her up and fortunately that worked. Those were the benefits of having your best friend live a few doors away.

Lucy checked the time. 6:56 am. She only had 4 minutes left!

The girl unconsciously slowed down getting tired from all the running. She could see the top of the Fairy Tail rink on the distance, if she run a little bit more she could still make it on time! Lucy determined picked up her pace ignoring the pain on her feet.

Suddenly a blur of pink and black passed by her, knocking slightly on her shoulder. Lucy was ready to yell at the stranger when he turned around and she could identify him.

“I’m sorry, oh!” the man seemed to recognize her as well. “Hey Luigi!” he grinned at her

“Who’s Luigi, my name is Lucy!”

“Wow, good morning to you too. What happened, running late?” Natsu slowed down to run with her.

“I’m not late!” well not yet.

“Then why are you running you weirdo?”

“You’re running with me too! I’m not late yet but I think I can make it.”

“You have a point there. I’m 20 minutes late! And it’s the third time this week, Gildarts is going to murder me!”

“How did you manage to be that late?”

“I don’t know, I even got out of my house earlier it’s like I’m destined to be late at everything.” He said dramatically

“Well it’s my first day here and I’m almost late to it!” replied Lucy out of breath.

“You are going to be if you’re that slow. Come on.” Natsu without any warning grabbed Lucy’s hand and sped up dragging her with him.

“Hey, I can run by myself!” she complained

“Do you want to be late or not? Come on, we’re almost there!”

Lucy imagining her new coach’s wrath collected the last bits of energy and picked up her pace running alongside Natsu, their hands still intertwined. They run up the stairs skipping a few of them and went straight through the automatic doors almost running to a nearby couch.

Lucy immediately threw herself into said couch and rested her head on her knees on an attempt to catch her breath and for her heartbeats to return to a normal level. It had been a long time since she last ran like that. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her running companion collapsed into the couch too burying his head in the pillows.  She hadn’t realized when they had stopped holding hands.

After she didn’t feel like her lungs would fail at any moment. Lucy took out her phone and checked the time. 6:59 am.

“YES!” She made it, she made it! Aquarius had told her to wait in the lobby and she didn’t see the woman anywhere so she was good!

“Wha- what time is it?” asked Natsu still face planting on the couch.

“It’s almost 7 am, I made it!”

“Good for you, I’m… wait a second, what time did you say it was?” Natsu got up from the couch looking alarmed.

“7 am, why?”

“Oh man, are you serious? Are you sure it’s not wrong or anything?”

“It’s from my phone I don’t think it’s wrong. What happened?”

“I got here too early!” he exclaimed.

Lucy tried to suppress a laugh “That’s it? What’s wrong with that?”

“It means that I ran all this way for nothing! I knew that stupid clock had been broken again!”

“Hey, it’s not the end of the world if you came early. It’s actually good for you, you know.”

“Hey, I’m not willing to sacrifice my sleep for that!”

At that moment Aquarius stormed into the lounge immediately spotting Lucy and Natsu. She briefly glared at the pink-haired troublemaker who flinched and buried himself deeper in the comforts of the couch in a poor attempt at hiding. However the woman didn’t give him more thought and turned her attention to her student.

“Good, you’re here. Follow me, I’ll show you your training rink.” She turned around and started walking to the direction from which she came from, not waiting for her to follow.

Lucy turned to her running partner and stared at him not knowing exactly what to say.

“I guess I’ll see you later then.” He waved at her grinning. “Good luck!”

“Thanks! Talk to you later!” Lucy smiled back before running behind her coach to catch up.

She was about to have her first lesson! She was excited and nervous at the same time as Aquarius led her to the rink she performed the day before.

“This will be our training rink at the moment.” Stated Aquarius. “I’ll tell you if there are any changes but you will come here for now. We will discuss your training program more later for now I want to see what you can do. Leave your things on the benches.”

Lucy did as she was told and proceeded to get her skates out of her bag before she was stopped by her new coach.

“No, you will not need those yet. First you will run 10 laps around the building, I want to see your endurance level. After that do some stretches and get into the ice to do another 15 laps.”

Lucy blanched. Her feet still felt sore from her morning run and she get tired easily.

“Come on, get moving. Why are you staring at me like an idiot?”

“Yes, I’m starting!”

This was going to be a long day.

———————————————————————–

Gray executed a triple salchow for the seventh time on that day and landed wobbly on the ice. It wasn’t perfect but he was getting there. At least he hadn’t landed on his butt this time.

After the accident he had to readjust to skating back again and that involved the painfully slow process of re-learning moves. He had to be careful with putting weight on his injured leg and not overstretch it. Gray was really looking forward to going to his regular training program by now.

The black haired skater rested his hands on his knees and glanced at the clock hanging on the wall across from him. 7:30 am. Where was she?

It wasn’t like they had agreed on a specific time so Gray couldn’t complain she was late. He couldn’t wait for her the whole day though he had been in the rink for a long time already. Well, he did come a bit too early but a little more practice wouldn’t hurt. It was in his program anyway.

He had told Mira to send Juvia to his practicing rink so he didn’t have to worry about looking for her. He would just give her a quick lesson and get on with it.

A scowl slowly formed on his face. Why did he have to be the one to teach the girl? He had no idea how to do that! It wasn’t like he couldn’t pull it off if he tried but it was still too much responsibility and he had other things to do.

Gray had tried to get Cana, an instructor at the rink and his longtime friend, to teach the lesson but she blatantly refused. She was usually in charge of teaching classes both adults and children but the adult class didn’t get enough participants this year so it wasn’t formed. That particular class had never been that popular but it was just his luck that it shut down at this point.

Apparently Cana had taken 2 of her student to coach regularly into the junior league and didn’t have time for more private lessons. Also to her words he made this mess and he should be the one to sort it out. Sometimes Gray believed the woman really liked to make him suffer. He also suspected that her “other plans for the evening” had something to do with alcohol.

Gray really, really wanted to tell Juvia “I’m really sorry I can’t teach you after all you can enroll in regular classes next year if you want.” and get on with it. But he couldn’t bring himself to do that. He had made a promise, even if he didn’t know what he was promising at the time, and he would have to keep it. It couldn’t be that bad, could it?

He may have little to none experience in teaching but he was confident he could pull it off. Gray would just approach the matter like he did in any other thing. Keep his cool and everything would be sorted out. It was like Mira had said. He wouldn’t know until he tried it.

Gray snapped out of his thoughts and went back to practice. It was just a one-time thing anyway.

————————————————————————–

Juvia carefully tried to open the metal door without making any sound and peeked her head inside half hiding behind the much larger doors. She quickly found who she was looking for in the center of the rink.  Gray Fullbuster looked as elegant in real life as he looked on the TV screen while skating. Juvia still couldn’t believe this was happening to her!

She didn’t manage to get much sleep from her excitement thinking about what happened and what was coming. That wasn’t exactly beneficial for her early morning swimming practice. She had been so sleepy her coach made her go home to get some rest. In exchange she had some extra practice this week that she was not looking forward too.

Juvia unconsciously leaned more to the metal door and it ended up giving out to her weight and she stumbled forward catching herself before she face planted to the floor. So much for a decent entrance.

She quickly looked up to find the other occupant of the room. Gray had been alerted by the noise and he was now staring at her his hands still lifted in an unfinished move.

Juvia felt her cheeks grow warmer. She had a way for making a fool of herself in front of her idol.

Gray cleared his throat, composing himself. “Good you’re here.” He then skated closer to her position outside the rink.

“Juvia is sorry if she was late!”

“Nah, it’s fine. We hadn’t agreed on a time anyway.” He waved her off. “Now before we start I want you to know this is a one-time thing, okay?”

The woman nodded her head in understanding.

“I did promise this lesson but I can’t give you more. For that you can check with official courses.”

“Juvia understands! She is very happy with just one lesson” she gave him a small smile. She wasn’t expecting anything more. Even the opportunity to spend some time with her idol was amazing. It felt like a dream and she half expected to wake up soon in her warm bed and go back to reality.

“So, this isn’t your first time on the ice, is it?”

“No, Juvia has practiced alone before.” She confirmed.

“Cool, put on your skates and get to the ice. I’ll see what level you are and we’ll continue accordingly. I hope you’ve already passed the falling constantly on the ice phase.”

————————————————————————-

Juvia ended up a considerable amount of times on the cold surface of the ice. Though she was a fast learner to Gray’s joy. She may have been a little clumsy at the start but she got the hang of things quickly. At least she didn’t make Gray’s job harder.

Gray winced as his temporary student face planted into the dividing wall of the rink trying out the new move he had shown her.

Juvia had executed everything else without much trouble considering she was a beginner. Gray was almost impressed. However she didn’t seem to be able to get this one. It wasn’t much harder than the rest of what he showed her but no matter how many times he corrected her stance she ended messing it up.

Gray took pity on her the fifth time she lost her balance and almost fell to her face. “Okay, I think that’s enough.”

Juvia turned to him, sweat glistening in her forehead, trying to catch her breath but she had a desperate look on her face. “Wait, Juvia can get it right! Just one more try and Juvia will get it right!”

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” Gray reassured her “It’s natural not to be able to do everything in the first few tries. Besides you seem tired, you can’t keep on like that.”

“But Juvia has disappointed Gray-sama! She should be able to do it!”

“It won’t be good for you to continue.” Gray explained calmly. This reminded him too much of his early skating days. “I’m surprised you lasted that long to be honest. You… you did good for a first try.” He was never good at giving compliments.

However the blue haired woman’s eyes light up with that statement. “Really? You really thought Juvia was good? Thank you!” a wide smile went up her face.

Gray looked away slightly embarrassed. He really hadn’t said anything special. “So that concludes our lesson then. Again if you want to apply for more, check that with Mira in the reception.”

“Juvia is very grateful for this lesson and she is sorry if she took too much of your time! What does Juvia owe Gray-sama?”

“What? No! I chose to do this you don’t owe me anything!”

He wouldn’t admit it out loud but he actually enjoyed their little lesson. Teaching wasn’t an awful experience like he thought it would be and Juvia wasn’t that bad after all.

“But Juvia still feels bad about it…”

“Don’t. It’s fine, really.”

Juvia furrowed her eyebrows and lost herself in her thoughts for a couple of second before her face lit up. “What if Juvia bought you something to eat?”

“I told you, you don’t have to do anything!”

“Juvia insists! Just something small, it’s the least she can do!” Juvia had a determined look on her face, her eyes silently pleading him.

They stared at each other for a few seconds neither of them backing up before Gray gave up. “Fine, do whatever you want!”

“Thank you! Juvia will not take much of your time!”

“Whatever, you’re the one buying me food.”

“So where does Gray- sama want to go?” Juvia asked as they glided to the end of the rink and started pulling off their skates.

Gray thought about it. The rink cafeteria would be closed at this time and he didn’t want them getting anything expensive. But maybe… “There’s a good ice cream shop in the corner.”

--------------------------

Hey guys, we hope you enjoyed the new chapter! We look forward to reading your thoughts about it!

See you next chapter!

[anabcwomantlot]

September 28, 2020

 Today’s blog is sorrowful and tragic. In times like these, my hope rests on my faith that brighter tomorrows, even if it’s not on this earth, are on the horizons just fingertips away. 

I gathered my garbage around 8:30 this morning because it is the week’s first trash pick-up day. Since there is not an official time schedule, one had better get the trash into those g-bins before the t-collectors arrive. Trust me, I’ve had to run many a-days after hearing the booming sounds of the truck’s motor as it rambled and roared throughout my neighborhood of garden-apartments. There were days when I failed to beat the t-collectors.  Unfortunately, I would return home with my trash until the next weekly pick up day…three days later. I prefer not to have my trash stay in the g-bins those many days because I don’t want to attract unwanted critters. About 20 minutes after dumping my trash, I noticed a tiny bag of garbage left in my kitchen. Quickly, I hurried out of my apartment to dispose of it only to be faced with several police officers standing outside a neighbor’s apartment.  

I live in a reasonably safe neighborhood. Rarely are sirens heard. But when I do hear a siren, most often, I would say a prayer and hope no lives were lost. This morning, sirens hadn’t announced the officers’ arrival. Almost like thieves, they entered my neighborhood quietly. Like the unobtrusive whispers you hear at wakes or funerals. As I scanned the scene, I noticed two police cars in the parking lot, five officers, one was a female, all wore gloves as they moved about in front of my neighbor’s closed door, whose apartment is five doors from my apartment plus there’s a four foot long bush between our apartments. One of the officers was filling out a form, as the other officers conversed in soft voices, or as my pre-k through first graders would probably say, “The police officers were using their indoor voices outside, Ms. Roxy.” 

My suspensions were confirmed when I noticed the Medical Examiner’s van. My neighbor, whom sadly I don’t know if male or female, had died. We aren’t very neighborly here in my community. People leave their apartment, go straight into their cars, and drive off or exit from their cars to rush into their homes. I’ve tried speaking to folks but too many times, my greetings were ignored. I seriously think my brown skin is a barrier they aren’t “feeling…” if you know what I mean. I’ve lived in my community for five years and three months (five days away). As I walk through my neighborhood, I tend to hold my head down; it just makes it less painful if I’m perceived as detached or disinterested. Although there are about 24 garden apartments in my immediate area, I only speak to seven or eight neighbors whose apartments are directly within my loop.  

Out of respect for my deceased neighbor, I slowed my pace and carefully raised the g-bin’s top to dump my trash. I felt like an intruder because I had an “insider’s” knowledge that most, if any, of his or her family hadn’t known yet.  I knew that within a few hours the lives of my neighbor’s family would never be the same.  This was a somber reminder of how sorrowful my life has been for nearly three weeks. You see, two weeks ago one of my niece’s grandmother died and I was asked to say the opening prayer.  I shook the whole time because I dislike speaking in public.  Then, this past Friday, I attended the funeral, we in the Brown community call it a Homegoing Service, of a 24 years old young man, filled with great promise and had so much to live for. He was the second oldest of five children. He was engaged to be married. He and his fiancée were the proud parents of a one-year-old daughter and he loved to play basketball. I’ve known his family for nearly 14 years. I am devastated. Yet, I know my grief is pale when compared to his parents, siblings, and other relatives. One of his aunts spoke about his life during his homegoing service. She shared that she too had lost a male adult child. This fact rendered me speechless. Two sisters with an unconceivable connection of losing an adult son. Mindboggling yes, but unfortunately, not uncommon in many Brown communities throughout America.

 The Pre-Christ me would have been enraged with GOD. My bellowing tone would have tried to “ace” HIM with fiery questions that were “smashed” HIS way at lightning speed. As my “backhanded” camouflaged questions would have bore a close resemblance to penetrating accusations.  But GOD, in HIS infinite mercies and lovingkindness, understood my behavior was coming from a place of despair and grief.  Because HE IS merciful, I’m still alive. After all, who can “ace” GOD? Had the GREAT I AM, CREATOR of all things picked up HIS tennis racquet. . . game over-immediately!

 GOD knew I didn’t want responses to my questions. What I wanted… was for HIM to fix it. To put life back into the bodies of my loved ones. To use HIS GOD superpowers to restore what was taken from me. After all, JESUS raised Lazarus from the dead, right!  JESUS completely won me over when I learned HE, too, had been risen from the dead and now sits at the right hand of the FATHER. Psst… JESUS, please tell GOD to fix this. Make it right. Because from my cheap seats…this just ain’t right and it will never be. My pleading always went unanswered just like during the homegoing service on Friday. I secretly wanted GOD to use HIS superpowers. Yup, I am very sure many people would have exited the church in speed levels they didn’t know existed within themselves…but everyone remained seated because GOD didn’t fix it. 

“This is My commandment, that ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:12-13 KJV.

One evening, about three weeks ago, Terrell (Rell) was hanging out with friends in his neighborhood. One of my nieces and her best friend, who is more like a brother, saw Rell twice on this particular night. They took the time to “shoot the breeze.” They laughed, reminisce, and, of course, basketball dominated their conversation. My niece and her best friend/brother were former basketball players. Rell invited them to an upcoming game… “Yo, listen, pull up I’m playing…” She promised to “pull up.” About two hours later, a group of fellas approached Rell and his crew. One of those fellas had “beef” (a disagreement) with one of Rell’s friends and demanded to fight. That night around 11:30, another niece called me. Rell had been stabbed in the heart and was in surgery. Instead of letting his friend fight, Rell took on the fight to protect his friend. He lived 23 days. 

Terrell was probably the best basketball player in his neighborhood, Hell’s Kitchen. One of his junior college coaches was working hard to help Terrell realize his dreams of playing professional basketball overseas. However, the ultimate b-ball move Rell made nearly three weeks ago was greater, in GOD’s eyes, than any three-point-buzzer-beater play to win the championship! 

Terrell was filled with great promise and had so much to live for.  GOD, this still ain’t right, however, I am inspired because my faith has taught me that death is not the end of a person’s life journey. For Christians, death doesn’t win.  “For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from GOD, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.”  2Corinthians 5:1.  

On September 16, 2020 a warrior had gone home after achieving his greatest accomplishment.  He saved the life of a friend and that decision would ultimately take his.  Terrell’s/Rell’s reward shall be greater than any man-made sports trophy because it is eternal as promised by THE MESSIAH.  “So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and the mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: O Death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?” 1Corinthians 15:54-55.  This is my view from the cheap seat. . . AnABCWoman, tlot. 

[ilistenedin]

Evens

I did em all oops200: My crush’s name is: Sarah
199: I was born in: Miami
198: I am really: boring
197: My cellphone company is: T mobile
196: My eye color is: brown
195: My shoe size is: 9.5-10 in women
194: My ring size is: no idea. Very big tho
193: My height is: 5’7
192: I am allergic to: nothing that I know of
191: My 1st car was: Nissan Versa
190: My 1st job was: AAA Parking, I was a valet cashier
189: Last book you read: I reread IT recently
188: My bed is: uncomfortable as fuck
187: My pet: (s)(children) are fat cats
186: My best friend: is the bomb
185: My favorite shampoo is: tresemme’ (Oo lala)
184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox 
183: Piggy banks are: cute
182: In my pockets: Nada
181: On my calendar: I don’t have one
180: Marriage is: a thing people do sometimes
179: Spongebob can: flip a mean burger
178: My mom: is great
177: The last three songs I bought were? No idea, Spotify life
176: Last YouTube video watched: Man of Arms: Attack on Titan blades
175: How many cousins do you have? 4
174: Do you have any siblings? 4
173: Are your parents divorced? Never married
172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes
171: Do you play an instrument? Yes
170: What did you do yesterday? Work[ I Believe In ]
169: Love at first sight: nope
168: Luck: yes
167: Fate: kinda
166: Yourself: nope
165: Aliens: yes
164: Heaven: nope
163: Hell: kinda
162: God: nope
161: Horoscopes: kinda
160: Soul mates: nope
159: Ghosts: yes
158: Gay Marriage: yes
157: War: nope
156: Orbs: I don’t know
155: Magic: yes[ This or That ]
154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs
153: Drunk or High: drunk
152: Phone or Online: online
151: Red heads or Black haired: red 
150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes
149: Hot or cold: cold
148: Summer or winter: winter
147: Autumn or Spring: autumn
146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
145: Night or Day: night
144: Oranges or Apples: oranges
143: Curly or Straight hair: curly
142: McDonalds or Burger King: Mcdonalds
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: neither
140: Mac or PC: no preference
139: Flip flops or high heals: neither
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: ugly and rich. These being poor shit is old
137: Coke or Pepsi: coke
136: Hillary or Obama: obama
135: Burried or cremated: cremated
134: Singing or Dancing: singing
133: Coach or Chanel: neither
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: I don’t know who those people are
131: Small town or Big city: big city
130: Wal-Mart or Target: Walmart
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben
128: Manicure or Pedicure: neither
127: East Coast or West Coast: I’m so divided these days. 
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: neither
125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers
124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney
123: Yankees or Red Sox: Red Sox [ Here’s What I Think About ]
122: War: I’m hippie scum
121: George Bush: dumbass
120: Gay Marriage: Love is Love
119: The presidential election: stressful
118: Abortion: do what you want with your body
117: MySpace: old af
116: Reality TV: sometimes entertaining
115: Parents: thanks for giving me life I guess
114: Back stabbers: people will be people
113: Ebay: shady
112: Facebook: uninteresting
111: Work: miserable
110: My Neighbors: annoying af
109: Gas Prices: too damn high
108: Designer Clothes: unnecessary 
107: College: missed oppurtunity
106: Sports: footballs cool
105: My family: the bomb
104: The future: terrifying[ Last time I ]
103: Hugged someone: like an hour ago
102: Last time you ate: like 3 hours ago
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: uhhhh last weekend
100: Cried in front of someone: this past weekend
99: Went to a movie theater: two weeks ago
98: Took a vacation: last weekend
97: Swam in a pool: oof can’t recall
96: Changed a diaper: never 
95: Got my nails done: never
94: Went to a wedding: last year March?
93: Broke a bone: ages and ages ago
92: Got a peircing: last year summer?
91: Broke the law: omw home like an hour ago
90: Texted: 2 min ago[ MISC ]
89: Who makes you laugh the most: sarah
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: i left home already lol I miss not paying rent
87: The last movie I saw: HP Goblet of Fire
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: sleeping
85: The thing im not looking forward to: waking up
84: People call me: often
83: The most difficult thing to do is: be happy 
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never
81: My zodiac sign is: cancer
80: The first person i talked to today was: the lady at Mcdonalds 
79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten?
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: no one
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: sarah all the time
76: Right now I am talking to: sarah
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: fuck if I know
74: I have/will get a job: I have one currently
73: Tomorrow: I work
72: Today: I worked
71: Next Summer: I will work
70: Next Weekend: I will sleep
69: I have these pets: 3 cats
68: The worst sound in the world: open mouth chewing
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my damn self
66: People that make you happy: sarah
65: Last time I cried: last weekend
64: My friends are: chill
63: My computer is: non existent
62: My School: is life. I don’t go to school
61: My Car: needs an oil change
60: I lose all respect for people who: are racist, homophobic, xenophobic, sexist, or just an asshole in general
59: The movie I cried at was: many. Last one was coco
58: Your hair color is: black
57: TV shows you watch: so many. Most recently Rebels, Black Mirror, Stranger Things, and mind hunter
56: Favorite web site: tumblr
55: Your dream vacation: somewhere cold
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: broken ankle
53: How do you like your steak cooked: rare
52: My room is: not a room
51: My favorite celebrity is: Ellen page is up there.
50: Where would you like to be: in bed with Sarah 
49: Do you want children: no
48: Ever been in love: yes
47: Who’s your best friend: Bianca
46: More guy friends or girl friends: currently girl
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: sleeping
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: sarah
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no
41: Have you pre-named your children: kinda
40: Last person I got mad at: a caller
39: I would like to move to: Orlando, Boston, LA
38: I wish I was a professional: SLEEPER[ My Favorites ]
37: Candy: crunch
36: Vehicle: Honda Civic
35: President: Obama
34: State visited: California
33: Cellphone provider: T-Mobile
32: Athlete: don’t have one
31: Actor: Leo DiCaprio
30: Actress: Evan Rachel Wood
29: Singer: Gerard Way
28: Band: MCR
27: Clothing store: old navy
26: Grocery store: publix
25: TV show: can’t decide
24: Movie: can’t decide
23: Website: tumblr
22: Animal: lion
21: Theme park: Disney world (can’t choose which park)
20: Holiday: Halloween 
19: Sport to watch: football
18: Sport to play: football
17: Magazine: Rolling Stone
16: Book: IT and Paint it black
15: Day of the week: saturday
14: Beach: el farito 
13: Concert attended: Pvris in Orlando
12: Thing to cook: Steak
11: Food: sushi
10: Restaurant: Flanagan’s
9: Radio station: 104.3 the shark
8: Yankee candle scent: I don’t have one
7: Perfume: very sexy
6: Flower: Peonies 
5: Color: red
4: Talk show host: Ellen
3: Comedian: don’t have one
2: Dog breed: dachshund 
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yeap

[funface2]

101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade

Whether it’s a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things or old witty sayings, comedy has a way of making us realize we’re all going through the same stuff in this crazy life. These funny quotes about work, love, friends and family will have you saying, “So true!” because, well, they are. Others will have you remembering hilarious, meme-worthy movie and TV moments.

Take a much-needed break from your day to check out the 101 funniest quotes we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle. 

1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg

2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

3. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

4. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” —David Letterman

5. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey

6. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.” Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.” —Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

7. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” —Mark Twain

8. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

9. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

10. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.” —Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

11. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” —Erma Bombeck

12. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller

13. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” —Ellen DeGeneres

14. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’” —Anonymous

15. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” —Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld

16. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” —Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

17. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” —Anonymous

18. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” —Rodney Dangerfield

19. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” —Les Dawson

20. “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.” —Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus

21. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” —Steven Wright

22. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.” Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley” —Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

23.“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” ―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

24. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” —Joan Rivers

25. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” —Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

26. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” —Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

27. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” —Jimmy Kimmel

28. “Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.��� —Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up

29. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.” —Lessons from the Minivan

30. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory

31. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.” —Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club

32. Usher: “Bride or groom?” Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!” —Four Weddings and a Funeral

33. Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.” Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.” —Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality

34. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” —Jerry Seinfeld

35. Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.” Fred: “Your feet?” —Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

36. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” —Anonymous

37. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?” Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.” —Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers

38. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” —Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

39.“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.” —Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

40. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” —Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

41. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” —Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias

42. “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” —Anonymous

43. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” —Graham Norton

44. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” —Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends

45. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” —George Carlin

46. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.” —Larry (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm

47. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” —Sir Norman Wisdom

48. “That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.” —Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

49. “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.” —Adam Gropman

50. “Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?” —Neil DeGrasse Tyson

51. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” —Groucho Marx

52. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” —Jay Leno

53. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” —Steve Martin

54. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” —Dave Barry

55. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” —Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective

56. “What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.” —Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding

57. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” —George Burns

58. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” —Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda

59. “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?” —Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny

60. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” —Ellen DeGeneres

61. Francois: “Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?” Clouseau: “The exploding kind.” —Francois (André Maranne) and Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers), The Pink Panther Strikes Again

62. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” —Tina Fey, Bossypants

63. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.” —Anonymous

64. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” —Robin Williams

65. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” —Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory

66. “I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.” —Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters

67. Police officer: “Pull over.” Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan. But thanks for noticing.” —Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber

68. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” —Bob Hope

69. “If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.” —Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night

70. “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.” —Anonymous

71. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” —Mark Twain

72. “Woke up today. It was terrible.” —Grumpy Cat

73. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.” —Anonymous

74. “I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.” —Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal

75. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” —Halley Reed (Mia Farrow), Crimes and Misdemeanors

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76. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck

77. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” —Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace

78. Brian: “Look, you’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody. You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals.” Crowd: “Yes, we’re all individuals!” Individual: “I’m not!” —Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast, Monty Python’s Life of Brian

79. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” —Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids

80. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” —Oscar Wilde

81. “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.” —Harry (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally

82. “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.” —Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

83. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City

84: Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.” Becky: “Which one is ‘mute’?” —Waitress, the Musical

85. “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.” —Anonymous

86. “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” —Betty White

87. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” —Maria Bamford

88. “From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” —Jarod Kintz

89. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” —Dorothy Parker

90. “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat. So people who don’t know what they’re doing, or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.” —Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), You’ve Got Mail

91. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” —Lin-Manuel Miranda

92. “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.” —Anonymous

93. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” —Groucho Marx

94. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.” —Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada

95. “My perfect beautiful miracle baby? Never slept. Ever. Never. Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.” —Shonda Rimes

96. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” —Damien Fahey

97. “Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.” —Anonymous

98. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” —Jack Whitehall

99. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” —Noel Coward

100. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” —Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

101. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” —Zach Galifianakis

Want more great quotes? Check out… 50 Thinking of You Quotes  150 Good Morning Quotes  100 Wedding and Marriage Quotes  50 Friday Quotes  50 Monday Motivation Quotes

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Bài viết 101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/101-funny-quotes-hilarious-quotes-to-make-you-laugh-parade/

[aleksandr-is-probably-gay-blog]

1-200 😙😙

200: My crush’s name is: Mason199: I was born in: Arizona198: I am really: boring197: My cellphone company is: Verizon196: My eye color is: brown195: My shoe size is: 9194: My ring size is: 10193: My height is: 5′6″192: I am allergic to: latex, jalapenos, bananas191: My 1st car was: my mom’s car190: My 1st job was: none :/189: Last book you read: American Pageant for history188: My bed is: black187: My pet: Patrick is a fluffy, white goofball whomst I love with all my heart186: My best friend: Anna185: My favorite shampoo is: literally whatever is available184: Xbox or ps3: xbox183: Piggy banks are: cool

182: In my pockets: not wearing pants181: On my calendar: um i have deadlines180: Marriage is: neat179: Spongebob can: die178: My mom: is okay177: The last three songs I bought were? I dont buy songs; i have spotify176: Last YouTube video watched: New friends, new goals - SP7175: How many cousins do you have? 1 first174: Do you have any siblings? 1 brother173: Are your parents divorced? yes172: Are you taller than your mom? yes171: Do you play an instrument? yes170: What did you do yesterday? school[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: yes168: Luck: yes (i’m irish what can I say)167: Fate: yeah166: Yourself: sometimes165: Aliens: yes164: Heaven: not specifically heaven, but someplace nice163: Hell: not specifically hell162: God: no, not a singular one161: Horoscopes: yeah160: Soul mates: heck yeah159: Ghosts: yes158: Gay Marriage: why wouldn’t I157: War: no156: Orbs: yes155: Magic: i’m literally a witch[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hUGS153: Drunk or High: high152: Phone or Online: phone151: Red heads or Black haired: either150: Blondes or Brunettes: either i dont have a type149: Hot or cold: cold148: Summer or winter: winter147: Autumn or Spring: autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: curly142: McDonalds or Burger King: burger king141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk140: Mac or PC: pc139: Flip flops or high heals: heels138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor137: Coke or Pepsi: coke136: Hillary or Obama:obama135: Burried or cremated: buried134: Singing or Dancing: singing133: Coach or Chanel: coach132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who131: Small town or Big city: small town130: Wal-Mart or Target: target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: ben stiller128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure127: East Coast or West Coast: west coast BEST COAST126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers124: Disney or Six Flags: disney123: Yankees or Red Sox:i hate baseball[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: don’t do it. too many innocent people121: George Bush: [insert meme here]120: Gay Marriage: hell yeah dudes119: The presidential election: it’s a tragedy118: Abortion: my body my rules, her body her rules117: MySpace: dead116: Reality TV: go away115: Parents: don’t like them, 0/10 would not recommend114: Back stabbers: ^113: Ebay: its whatever112: Facebook: still use it111: Work: i like it110: My Neighbors: THEY”RE ANNOYING I HAVE SO MANY STORIES109: Gas Prices: too high108: Designer Clothes: too high and gross107: College: do it106: Sports: eh105: My family: EH104: The future: I/m hopeful[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: too long ago bud102: Last time you ate: also too long ago bud101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: tOo LoNg AgO bUd100: Cried in front of someone: october when I was cheated on99: Went to a movie theater: last month98: Took a vacation: never97: Swam in a pool: forever.96: Changed a diaper: never95: Got my nails done: may and i regret it94: Went to a wedding: october93: Broke a bone: several years ago92: Got a peircing: 6 WEEKS AGO that’s on my calendar91: Broke the law: never90: Texted: hour ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: cow chop;88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: nothing.87: The last movie I saw: Atomic Blonde86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Touche Amore concert next month85: The thing im not looking forward to: school84: People call me: nothing. they dont call me83: The most difficult thing to do is: wake up82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: no81: My zodiac sign is: aries80: The first person i talked to today was: Anna79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Anna77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Today76: Right now I am talking to: @ryan-hay-wood-you-do-me75: What are you going to do when you grow up: college, then job74: I have/will get a job: will73: Tomorrow: slEEP72: Today: nothing71: Next Summer: brace for senior year, hopefully RTX70: Next Weekend: THE RICKMOBILE MY DUDES69: I have these pets: 2 cats68: The worst sound in the world: whistling67: The person that makes me cry the most is: aleksandr marchant66: People that make you happy: aleksandr marchant65: Last time I cried: i cried of laughter yesterday64: My friends are: amazing63: My computer is: shit62: My School: shit61: My Car: a literal mom car60: I lose all respect for people who: still think donald trump was a good choice59: The movie I cried at was: i dont cry at movies58: Your hair color is: brown57: TV shows you watch: rick and morty56: Favorite web site: youtube55: Your dream vacation: russia to visit a really good friend of mine’s dog. that’s it. not even for Nikolai, just to see his dog54: The worst pain I was ever in was: LAST WEEK WHEN I BURNT MY FEET53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium rare52: My room is: blue51: My favorite celebrity is: Nolan North and Troy Baker50: Where would you like to be: anywhere but here49: Do you want children: yes48: Ever been in love: i thought so47: Who’s your best friend: Anna and Max46: More guy friends or girl friends: guy45: One thing that makes you feel great is: laughter44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Anna43: Do you have a 5 year plan: yes42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: sorta41: Have you pre-named your children: yes40: Last person I got mad at: my mom39: I would like to move to: anywhere but Arizona38: I wish I was a professional: writer[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: hersheys36: Vehicle: saturn sky35: President: obama34: State visited: Missouri33: Cellphone provider: idk32: Athlete: Aleks’ runner’s legs31: Actor: Nolan North30: Actress: Charlize Theron29: Singer: I like too many28: Band: Touche Amore27: Clothing store: roosterteeth store26: Grocery store: super target25: TV show: Rick and Morty24: Movie:Rocky Horror Picture Show23: Website: idk22: Animal: cat21: Theme park: disneyland20: Holiday: Yule19: Sport to watch: hockey18: Sport to play: football17: Magazine: dont read16: Book: cant read15: Day of the week: friday14: Beach: any13: Concert attended: warped tour12: Thing to cook: bread11: Food: Abi’s mom’s bread10: Restaurant: Logan’s9: Radio station: something alt8: Yankee candle scent: vanilla7: Perfume: i wear Endless Summer by bath and body lol6: Flower: rose5: Color: purple4: Talk show host: ew3: Comedian: ew2: Dog breed: labrador or corgi1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yes   

[shutterbughen]

i only shitpost my personal life on this social media so here’s tag thing

200: My crush's name is: Absolutely nobody lol

199: I was born in: 1999

198: I am really: Impulsive

197: My cellphone company is: Metro

196: My eye color is: Brown

195: My shoe size is: I’m Bigfoot so 9, sometimes 9 1/2

194: My ring size is: I have no idea

193: My height is: 5'9

192: I am allergic to: bees?

191: My 1st car was: Chrysler seibring

190: My 1st job was: Technically Hardee’s but MJR

189: Last book you read: I can't remember

188: My bed is: Where I take tf out of my depression naps

187: My pet: N/A

185: My favorite shampoo is: OGX

184: Xbox or ps3: PS3

183: Piggy banks are: Probably fun to break

182: In my pockets: No pants ;)

181: On my calendar: If I had one it would just be work

180: Marriage is: Unlikely

179: Spongebob can: Keep making memes

178: My mom: Better when we’re apart

177: The last three songs I bought were? The last three I DOWNLOADED were Revenge by XXXTentacion, 6 Inch by Beyoncé & The Weeknd, and Self Care by Mac Miller

176: Last YouTube video watched? Joji - rain on me

175: How many cousins do you have? Too many

174: Do you have any siblings? 7

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yeah but barely

171: Do you play an instrument? I can somewhat play the piano but it’s been a while

170: What did you do yesterday? Slept in kind of late, watched Netflix. Depression days lol

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: I want to

168: Luck: That’d be nice

167: Fate: In a way

166: Yourself: Sometimes

165: Aliens: Absolutely

164: Heaven: Um

163: Hell: Who knows

162: God: I used to

161: Horoscopes: Not really

160: Soul mates: Yeah

159: Ghosts: Yes

158: Gay Marriage: Duhh

157: War: I guess it depends, generally no

156: Orbs: Anythings possible

155: magic: Nah

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: Both

153: Drunk or High: Lol

152: Phone or Online: Phone

151: Red heads or Black haired: Doesn’t matter

150: Blondes or Brunettes: ^

149: Hot or cold: Cold

148: Summer or winter: Summer

147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla

145: Night or Day: Id like to say night but I’m usually more prone to depression and missing my ex at night, so probably day

144: Oranges or Apples: Apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly

142: McDonalds or Burger King: Neither

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Whiteee

140: Mac or PC: Mac

139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip flops be easier

138: Ugly and rich OR Sexy and poor: Whichever option leads to me not being screwed over, but I’m not picky

137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Burried or cremated: I don’t know

134: Singing or Dancing: Singing terribly while driving home from work at 3am

133: Coach or Chanel: Idgaf

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: See above

131: Small town or Big city: I like the vibe of both but I’ve always wanted to live in a big city

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler

128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure but I desperately need a manicure

127: East Coast or West Coast: East, although West Coast would be cool too

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: No opinion

125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers

124: Disney or Six Flags: I’ve only ever been to Disney

123: Yankees or Red Sox: Red Sox I guess

[ Here's What I Think About ]

122: War: No strong opinion

121: George Bush: 9/11

120: Gay Marriage: Well I’m bi so clearly against lol

119: The presidential election: Trump sux

118: Abortion: My body my choice

117: MySpace: That’s how my dad met my step mom

116: Reality TV: Stupid but fun to watch

115: Parents: They screwed me up

114: Back stabbers: See ya

113: Ebay: I used to buy my cosplays on there

112: Sex: Not sure where I stand with that for myself

111: Work: Used to be a chore, but it’s better now. I like working

110: My Neighbors: Loterally no opinion at all

109: Gas Prices: RIP wallet

108: Designer Clothes: Would be cool if I could afford them lol

107: College: Expensive

106: Sports: Not a sports gal

105: My family: My sister is great

104: The future: Horrifying

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: Sort of recently but I don’t remember who

102: Last time you ate: Like an hour ago

101: Saw someone I haven't seen in awhile: It’s been a while

100: Cried in front of someone: I’m sure I have recently but not sure when

99: Went to a movie theater: Almost everyday

98: Took a vacation: I went to Chicago randomly a couple weeks ago

97: Swam in a pool: Now that I think about it it for a while

96: Changed a diaper: Never

95: Got my nails done: Too long ago

94: Went to a wedding: A couple of years ago

93: Broke a bone: I broke my toe last year

92: Got a peircing: Ears was the first and last

91: Broke the law: Ughhh is a cop asking me this lol

90: Texted: My sister was the last person I texted

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: Friends

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: I already left, I miss my sister but that’s it

87: The last movie I saw: In theaters? Probably Endgame

86: The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: Nothing specific but in general getting my shit together

85: The thing im not looking forward to: All the work that comes with getting my shit together

84: People call me: Dani

83: The most difficult thing to do is: Staying vegan

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: No

81: My zodiac sign is: Scorpio

80: The first person i talked to today was: My coworker

79: First time you had a crush: on 2nd or 3rd grade to a boy named Tyler

78: The one person who i can't hide things from: Sometimes I feel like the only person I can ever be completely honest with is myself

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Me and my sister both said the exact same thing today

76: Right now I am talking to: Nobody

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Hopefully have everything under control, travel, be content on being with myself alone rather than relying on other people to make me happy

74: I have/will get a job: I’m a manager at MJR right now, not sure where I’m going from here

73: Tomorrow: I’m waking up early to go jogging then hopefully getting out and doing something later

72: Today: Go to sleep

71: Next Summer: Nothing planned

70: Next Weekend: Most likely work

69: I have these pets: None

68: The worst sound in the world: Nails scratching paper, also the worst feeling

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Myself

66: People that make you happy: Friends & Sister

65: Last time I cried: It’s been a second, at least a week ago

64: My friends are: Fun

63: My computer is: Broken

62: My School: Hard to bring myself to go to

61: My Car: dirty right now

60: I lose all respect for people who: Constantly change their story and go back on their word

59: The movie I cried at was: Endgame

58: Your hair color is: Brown & blonde

57: TV shows you watch: The Office, Lucifer, Shameless

56: Favorite web site: YouTube I guess

55: Your dream vacation: Bora Bora

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Breakups. Physically probably period cramps

53: How do you like your steak cooked: I don’t eat meat anymore, but medium rare when I did

52: My room is: Pretty cluttered

51: My favorite celebrity is: Brendon Urie

50: Where would you like to be: On vacation

49: Do you want children: Nope

48: Ever been in love: Once

46: More guy friends or girl friends: Girl

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Feeling motivated

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: I’m comfortable being alone right now

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I barely have my week planned

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: No

41: Have you pre-named your children: Maybe my future PETS lol

40: Last person I got mad at: Not mad, just annoyed

39: I would like to move to: Seattle

38: I wish I was a professional: Idk

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: Used to be Almond Joys

36: Vehicle: Tesla

35: President: Idk

34: State visited: Illinois (mostly for Chicago)

33: Cellphone provider: TMobile

32: Athlete: None

31: Actor: Chris Evans I guess

30: Actress: None

29: Singer: The Weeknd or Joji

28: Band: The Neighborhood

27: Clothing store: ZAFUL

26: Grocery store: Kroger

25: TV show: The Office or Hannibal

24: Movie: Captain America Winter Soldier

23: Website: YouTube

22: Animal: Sloth

21: Theme park: I’ve only been to Seaworld and Disney, so Disney I suppose

20: Holiday: Halloween

19: Sport to watch: Maybe I wouldn’t mind seeing a baseball game but not on TV

18: Sport to play: None

17: Magazine: No

16: Book: Idk

15: Day of the week: Friday

14: Beach: Never been to one so frequently that I have a favorite

13: Concert attended: Joji

12: Thing to cook: Stir fry

11: Food: Also stir fry

10: Restaurant: Townhouse

9: Radio station: 95.5

8: Yankee candle scent: Vanilla

7: Perfume: Don’t have a specific favorite

6: Flower: Sunflower

5: Color: Yellow

4: Talk show host: Idk

3: Comedian: None

2: Dog breed: German Shepherd

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yeah

[newenglandtooldengland-blog]

Saturday, February 2, 2019

What a busy day! I was up on the phone until late at night so it was hard to wake up but I had a big day ahead of me so needed to get an early start. Last night I bought a couple audiotour tickets for this morning and afternoon. I spent the morning at Buckingham Palace where the Queen sometimes lives and carries out her official duties. I have to say I was much happier seeing the Palace in the daylight than Tuesday night in the dark and rain. I got off the tube and it was snowing a tiny bit but also sunny. Welcome to London.

I passed by the Palace and took a brief peak into the gates to see some of the guards marching about protecting the monarch. My first tour was for the Queen’s Royal Collection. I got there a tiny bit early so walked around the gift shop for a little bit. Man, can I say people are obsessed with the Queen’s (late) corgis. They have socks with corgis, jackets, brushes, collars, toys for corgis, ornaments of corgis, and so on. Same goes for the Royal family, they have towels, tea ware, and everything to go along with the big happy family. When the time came, I went into the Collection. On show this season was a series of photographs, paintings, and tickets from Russia’s complicated relationship with the United Kingdom. I had an audiotour to go along with it. It’s not really my cup of tea (ha), but I’m glad I did it. Unashamedly took a picture in the loo because…royal potties…that’s why.

When I left, I went to part two of my tour ticket which was the Royal Mews. In a different part of the Palace, I toured various coaches used by the Royal family and state visitors. I also got to see some of the horses “employed” (?) by the Queen that lead the carriages. Lastly, I saw a fancy pants car used in this generation of the Royal family. This was an interesting tour for me and I really liked listening to all of the explanations and seeing some royal transportation. So far so good but I should have brought a hat today, it was chilly!

I looked around for a nearby lunch option and found a really cute and cozy tea shop, not a royal tea or afternoon tea, but a cute café to grab a bite and sip. I ordered a spinach and broccoli soup, vanilla chai tea, and Victoria sponge cake to top it off on a sweet note. I have to get used to doing things alone and being completely okay with it, but I think I can deal as long as it doesn’t get too lonely. It helps that this is a large beautiful European city…and that I do love tea.

Next up I needed to make my way to the River Thames to my next tour at 2:00pm. I was an hour early so I tried to kill time. I walked nearby Westminster Abbey, which I will visit another week. I walked over Westminster Bridge to get a good view of the House of Parliament and Big Ben. Unfortunately Big Benjamin is under refurbishment until 2021 (lol) so I won’t be able to see it without scaffolding. They let a clock open to see but it no longer chimes. Can I even say I’ve been to London if I don’t have a picture with Big Benny? The cold got the best of me and I couldn’t wait much longer. When Big Benny and the Jets struck 1:20, I headed over to the Houses of Parliament hoping they’d take me for an early tour. I am only a party of one anyway.

Well they did take me and I got to look all around the building with my audiotour. It was pretty cool to not only see the historical sights but to tour an area that is being actively used by government in a pretty monumental time in modern British history! I saw St. Stephen’s Hall, followed by the House of Lords and the House of Commons. There were many places where pictures were allowed and I am a law abiding expat so I behaved.

Getting out at around 3:30pm, I didn’t want to head home just yet so I took the tube to a department store called Harrods (which I keep thinking is called Dillards?). I’ll preface that the only reason I wanted to go here is that I was excited to visit London in the Christmastime and knew that Harrods was really decorated and lit up so wanted to go and see if they had any leftover decorations. Well they did! Not many of course, but I have to pack everything I buy in suitcases…and I already have plenty of Christmas decorations at home. I bought some Christmas pudding that was insanely on sale and still in a good sell by date. I also bought a London Christmas ornament but failed to get a picture before they wrapped it in bubble wrap. I want to get PLENTY more ornaments in my trips so this won’t be the last you hear of it.

Besides that, Harrod’s is insane. It’s like the Ikea of department stores. Per Wikipedia “The store occupies a 5-acre site and has 330 departments covering 1.1 million square feet of retail space. It is the largest department store in Europe and lays claim to having its own unique postcode.” I grabbed some fish and chips there because it had some really good options and I wanted to take advantage of being there. It was pretty good but a tad salty if I say. I’m just glad there is always plenty of malt vinegar for my chips here! I did really like Harrods but won’t be making my way back.

I took the tube back to the apartment and rested my tired feet for the day. There was another game at Wembley so it was a bit more crowded than the average day, but it is a Saturday anyway. More in store for tomorrow.

[sdmn-edits]

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200: My crush’s name is: I don’t actually have a crush anymore😂😂199: I was born in: June198: I am really: weird197: My cellphone company is: Vodafone - it works where i go on holiday so it does me just fine 😂196: My eye color is: it changes - like sometimes its blue, green, grey and a mixture of blue and green - it’s weird .195: My shoe size is: 3 or 4 (5 at a push)194: My ring size is: I’ve never actually had it measured so idk 😂😂193: My height is: 5ft 5 - I’m growing lads!!!192: I am allergic to: waterproof plasters, bee/wasp stings (only mildly though - like i won’t die but just turn into a massive red ball), some soaps, most makeups, chalk and face paint.191: My 1st car was: I can’t even drive yet 😂😂190: My 1st job was: I don’t know if you would class this as a job but for my work experience, I worked at a cafe for two weeks. 189: Last book you read: Jane Eyre (one of my faves)188: My bed is: single - like me😉😂187: My pet: (s) two cats, (which my mum named) one called Mike and the other called Matt. I also have a pony called William (Billy for short)186: My best friend: @paigexxixo @sdmn-md @minibaeminter @wroetoredman @line-sidemen @mintersmini @wroetojill and a girl from irl called Catherine - i couldn’t choose one so have a few of my faves185: My favorite shampoo is: John Frieda Frizz Ease184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 cos I haven’t played XBox183: Piggy banks are: expensive bacon182: In my pockets: by Morrie (who kinda sounds like Marzia which is kinda scary?)181: On my calendar: is my exams😂180: Marriage is: okay? I haven’t had my wedding yet so I don’t know?179: Spongebob can: dance the best.178: My mom: likes to name animals weird names. 😂177: The last three songs I bought were? A candle, some chocolates and a shock absorber.176: Last YouTube video watched: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSAeOhCrv_s175: How many cousins do you have? About 14 give or take 😂 174: Do you have any siblings? One - my sister (she’s 17 - 2 years older than me)173: Are your parents divorced? Nope.172: Are you taller than your mom? I’m the same height maybe a lil smaller 😂 171: Do you play an instrument? Not currently, no. But I can play the drums, recorder and piano/keyboard (not perfectly but alright)170: What did you do yesterday? I played in two tournaments and had a back massage.[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: Idk 😂😂 168: Luck: Yeah I guess.167: Fate: Yeah. 166: Yourself: Mm not all the time 😂😂 165: Aliens: Yeah.164: Heaven: Yeah.163: Hell: Yeah.162: God: Yeah definitely.161: Horoscopes: Some.160: Soul mates: I guess? 😂 159: Ghosts: Yeah.158: Gay Marriage: YES! UNFOLLOW ME AS I DO NOT CARE, I BELIEVE IN EVERYONE HAS RIGHTS TO MARRY WHO THEY WANT, WHEN THEY WANT FIGHT ME IF YOU WANT!!157: War: Definitely not! 156: Orbs: Yeah I guess?155: Magic: Some 😂 [ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs153: Drunk or High: Neither - I don’t do either of them.152: Phone or Online: Depends.151: Red heads or Black haired: Both are equally as cute150: Blondes or Brunettes: Both are equally as cute149: Hot or cold: Warm.148: Summer or winter: Winter147: Autumn or Spring: AUTUMN! IT’S THE BEST SEASON EVER!!!!!!!146: Chocolate or vanilla: Both together cos I’m a weirdo like that 😂😂 145: Night or Day: Night - I love looking at the stars tho I do like to cloud watch from time to time144: Oranges or Apples: Apples.143: Curly or Straight hair: Straight142: McDonalds or Burger King: Maccy D’s all the way😂😂 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Not really a fan of chocolate if I’m honest 😂😂 140: Mac or PC: PC for generic stuff, Mac for editing139: Flip flops or high heals: Neither.138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Ugly and rich so I can give money to charity etc137: Coke or Pepsi: Neither136: Hillary or Obama: Obama135: Burried or cremated: Either, I don’t care I’ll be dead 😂134: Singing or Dancing: Neither 😂😂133: Coach or Chanel: ??132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: ??131: Small town or Big city: Both130: Wal-Mart or Target: Neither 😂😂129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Both are hilarious 😂128: Manicure or Pedicure: Neither 😂127: East Coast or West Coast: ??126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Both?125: Chocolate or Flowers: FLOWERS!!124: Disney or Six Flags: DISNEY!!123: Yankees or Red Sox: ??[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: shouldn’t be a thing.121: George Bush: needs to grow up.120: Gay Marriage: I FULLY SUPPORT IT - UNFOLLOW ME IF YOU WANT!119: The presidential election: irdk? I don’t watch it.118: Abortion: it’s people’s choice117: MySpace: ??116: Reality TV: don’t watch it115: Parents: some do a lot more than others to provide for the kiddas114: Back stabbers: fuck you, ain’t nobody stabbing me in the back113: Ebay: it’s cool, you literally can get anything and everything off of it112: Facebook: it’s okay?111: Work: as in job? do what you wanna do, not what your mum or dad says.110: My Neighbors: very funny. 109: Gas Prices: you make my grades jealous - going up.108: Designer Clothes: i don’t really where designer 😂😂107: College: i like the look of the one I’m intending to go106: Sports: I LOVE THEM (except netball, benchball and basketball - please don’t hate me, i’m just short and i struggle 😂😂)105: My family: they are okay, just fam really.104: The future:i don’t tend to think much of it, i just let it happen 😂😂[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: like 10 mins ago102: Last time you ate: like an hour ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: A guy called Daniel (I didn’t see him until last week but I didn’t see him since November)100: Cried in front of someone: Idk 😂 99: Went to a movie theater: Last year - to watch Finding Dory98: Took a vacation: idk 😂 97: Swam in a pool: last year 😂 96: Changed a diaper: never 😂 95: Got my nails done: last august for a wedding - never again94: Went to a wedding: the same wedding 93: Broke a bone: two years ago 92: Got a peircing: two years ago91: Broke the law: never 😂 90: Texted: half an hour ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: lots of people 😂😂 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my bed 😂 87: The last movie I saw: Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2 - Ik i’m a kid at heart, don’t judge 😂 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: leaving school85: The thing im not looking forward to: my exams and tomorrow84: People call me: lodes of shit, I ain’t gonna name ‘em all but some people know what they say.83: The most difficult thing to do is: waking up in a morning82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope81: My zodiac sign is: Cancer80: The first person i talked to today was: Mike - the cat but if we talking about people - my dad 😂😂 79: First time you had a crush: 3 years ago78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: nobody, i’m very open 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: idk 😂😂 76: Right now I am talking to: @paigexxixo  about bridge to terabithia 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully a graphics designer74: I have/will get a job: hopefully soon73: Tomorrow: school72: Today: sleep71: Next Summer: be fit70: Next Weekend: hopefully ask one of my friends from tennis their details69: I have these pets: cats and pony68: The worst sound in the world: nails dragging on chalk board, people smacking lips, people clicking pens, people shouting, people crying, people laughing, gun shots, explosions etc67: The person that makes me cry the most is: nobody 😂😂 66: People that make you happy: I could list forever65: Last time I cried: earlier - i was watching a vid of these boys crying and it just gets to me64: My friends are: lodes of people - most i have listed before63: My computer is: an acer62: My School: ??61: My Car: Audi A3 2010 model 1.6l?60: I lose all respect for people who: are homophobic, transphobic etc, people who hurt animals and people etc59: The movie I cried at was: ?? 58: Your hair color is: blonde57: TV shows you watch: that 70′s show, merlin, sherlock, heartland, doctor who, phineas and ferb, spongebob, tom and jerry, loony tunes56: Favorite web site: idk 😂😂 55: Your dream vacation: Guernsey, Jersey, Rome or Geneva54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when i either broke my arm,  or when i fell off a horse and dislocated my knee and cracked two of my ribs or when i fell off a different horse and almost broke my back53: How do you like your steak cooked: i don’t eat meat or fish 😂😂 52: My room is: 8 year old me’s bad desicion51: My favorite celebrity is: Johnny Depp50: Where would you like to be: some place else49: Do you want children: not particularly48: Ever been in love: nope47: Who’s your best friend: lodes of people46: More guy friends or girl friends: guy friends45: One thing that makes you feel great is: people44: One person that you wish you could see right now: @paigexxixo or @sdmn-md43: Do you have a 5 year plan: nope 😂 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: nope 😂 41: Have you pre-named your children: nope😂 40: Last person I got mad at: *people: Looserpool 39: I would like to move to: either Guernsey, Jersey or Geneva38: I wish I was a professional: tennis player or sleeper 😂 [ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Caramac36: Vehicle: Car (Tesla Model S P100D)35: President: Obama34: State visited: none - I’ve never left England33: Cellphone provider: Vodafone32: Athlete: Jessica Ennis-Hill31: Actor: Johnny Depp/Leo DiCaprio/Patrick Stewart30: Actress: Emma Stone29: Singer: ??28: Band: ??27: Clothing store: ??26: Grocery store: ??25: TV show: I have lodes24: Movie: I have lodes23: Website: I have lodes22: Animal: I love them all21: Theme park: I’ve only ever been to Flamingo Land20: Holiday: Yorkshire Dales or Whitby19: Sport to watch: Football (Soccer)18: Sport to play: Tennis17: Magazine: ??16: Book: Either Jane Eyre or I Capture The Castle15: Day of the week: Saturday14: Beach: idk 😂😂 13: Concert attended: I’ve never been to one 😂 12: Thing to cook: I like to cook all sorts 😂 11: Food: I like all sorts 😂 10: Restaurant: ??9: Radio station: ??8: Yankee candle scent: idk 😂 7: Perfume: idk 😂 6: Flower: Rose, Lily or blossom5: Color: Red or black4: Talk show host: ??3: Comedian: Michael McIntyre, Jack Whitehall, Peter Kay or Russell Howard2: Dog breed: Border Collie1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes!!!!