#and I’m totally gonna end up as pirate king

[glassartpeasants]

Deny Your Feelings

Trafalgar Law x Assassin!GN!Reader

Warnings: small angst, mostly fluff, blood, mentions of death Grammarly said it was fine so i say its fine

~~~

For a government that prides itself itself in getting the job done by killing pirates, they sucked at it behind the scenes. Which is where you come in.

You were a high-end assassin for the world government. They called you when they deemed the target too dangerous for basic marines and too unpredictable to send out admirals.

No matter the pirate, you always got the job done. The payout was great each time, but it did get boring. Same thing over and over again. Join the crew, gain their trust, kill the Captain, then the crew, take the treasure, go to an island, set the ship on fire and finally go back to the higher-ups. Every single ‘crew’ you joined was nothing but rude, rowdy pirates who stole from the weak and treated people like trash. So you never had any problems taking their lives. So when you got a call about a new job, you figured it’d be the same old same old, but as soon as the pirate's name was revealed, you knew you finally had a challenge.

Trafalgar Law, aka The Surgeon of Death.

You’ve heard many stories about him, mostly bad ones, but stories nonetheless. He was Captain to the Heart Pirates and has a bounty of 200,000,000 berri’s. His bounty was the highest you’ve ever been sent after. You’ve never had to deal with a million berri’s man, so to be hired for such a feat almost felt like a gift. It was thrilling to be sent on such a mission, finally something to spice up such a monotonous cycle.

You couldn’t wait for the job to start.

~~~

“Everyone, this is (Y/N). They’re a new member of the crew, so treat them like you would anyone else.” Waving to everyone, you smile brightly before speaking.

“Nice to meet you all!” Not even seconds later, a giant polar bear runs up to you. Its outfit is orange compared to the common grey ones.

“Wow! It’s been so long since we’ve had someone new! I’m Bepo! Where are you from?” You were taken aback by its complete ability to speak as you had never seen something like it.

“I’m from the North Blue. What about you, big guy?” Everyone started to gather around you and began to ask questions about you. You told them the truth for the most part while still sprinkling some lies in to avoid suspicion.

“I need you guys to show them around. I have to get back to my studies.” Law voices rang in your ears as you turned your sight to him. Even though you’ve seen multiple pirates, there was something about the surgeon of death. His eyes seemed so hypnotizing, and the way his tattoos looked against his skin had you struggling not to ogle. He was a handsome man, truly, but his bounty poster didn’t nearly do him enough justice. It was a shame he was a pirate. If he wasn’t, you would have totally made a move. But alas, the universe had other plans and made him a pirate.

A dangerous one at that. Killing him would be no easy task. His devil-fruit abilities were a force to be feared. No doubt he had haki, too. Truly a formidable opponent. 

“No problem, Captain!”

“Thanks. Now, get ready to submerge.” Law’s last words had your stomach dropping.

“Submerge?...” A slight grin cracked his face.

“Yep, 450m under the surface.” A look of horror crossed your face, causing Law to stifle a laugh. You make a dash to the nearest window, and your heart sinks as you watch yourself descend to the deep. Being on a ship? Fine. You were above water. But below water? 450m down in Sea King waters? The thought of being in a metal-enclosed space had your blood freezing.

“I think I’m gonna be sick.”

~~~

Ever since entering the Polar Tang, you’ve done your best to distract yourself from how deep you were underwater. Cleaning, exercising, playing games with the crew, and getting to know their routines. Currently, you're making yourself a snack. Onigiri, to be exact. You’ve been cravigning it since joining the Heart Pirates and just now have the motivation to make it. You hummed a tune while dancing lazily as you finished the onigiri. The sound of footsteps approaching goes unnoticed as you are too enveloped in your own world to notice them. 

“Having fun?” Law’s voice broke you from your trance, causing you to yelp and turn to face him. Your face felt as if it were on fire with how embarrassed you were.

“Jesus! You scared me! How long have you been standing there?” You fiddle with your fingers before turning around to try to finish the onigiri quickly so Law doesn’t see how flustered you are.

“Long enough.” You could feel his gaze burn from behind you. It made you unbelievably nervous. There was no doubt he was studying you. What if he knew who you were? He’d kill you for sure!

“What are you making?” Law’s monotone voice returns, and you feel yourself slightly calm down.

“Oh? Just some onigiri. Would you like some Captain?” Turning around, you see a small pink dust on his cheeks. Did you embarrass him or something?

“I���Just ate, but thank you.” You nod your head before sitting down at the table to eat.

“It’s my favorite, so I thought I should share something that makes me happy.” This was a true statement regardless of whether Law was a pirate or not. It did give you the idea to kill him via poison. If you made food and poisoned it and fed it to everyone, they’d all be dead without a fight. But you heard about all the powers Law’s devil fruit can do, so that plan was shut down before it could even come to fruition. Him also being a doctor makes things only 10x harder. The plan needed to be perfect for it to work. No room for mistakes.

~~~

If only you could use your governmental status right now. The Marines shooting you were pissing you off. While it’d make your job easier if they hit the crew members, you wouldn’t get all the pay if they shot Law. And that would not stand.

“Captain! More just arrived!” You and Law both turn your heads as you see more Marines approaching.

“There must be a base nearby if they keep coming like this. I don’t wanna deal with an admiral, so let’s go. Everyone to the sub!” Following Law’s orders, everyone makes a break for the Polar Tang.

“It’s like they're randomly spawning! They're coming out of nowhere!”

“Welcome to the pirate life newbie.” You can hear the smirk in Law’s voice as he runs right beside you. Despite trying to focus on running, your eyes move in Law’s direction. Even though he looked exhausted, he moved with such precision. The way a small bead of sweat rolled down his face made a slight burning feeling appear on your face. 

‘No! He’s a pirate! Get your head in the game!’ Shaking your head, you return to making your running your top priority. You wouldn’t get money if you were dead.

Bullets whip past you and Law, making your heart jump in your chest. You’ve been shot before, but it felt different coming from your own team. Usually, the sound of Marines yelling didn’t bother you, but now it gave you an intense feeling of unease. You haven’t even been a ‘pirate’ for 3 months, and you're already starting to despise them!

Moving your head to the side, you catch a Marine aiming straight for Bepo. Your eyes widen as you stop in your tracks. Turning around, you run towards the bear. Dread filled your heart as you feared for the bear's safety. 

“Bepo! Look out!” Without a second thought, you push the bear out of the way. The gunshots echoed in your ears before a stinging pain hit your shoulder. You could see the worst possible outcome if you weren’t there even seconds later.

“Fucking A! Damnit, whatever. Bepo, hurry, let’s go!” You grab the bear's paw and begin to drag him to the polar tang. The pain in your shoulder had you biting your lip until blood appeared from your bite's sheer force. While it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve been shot, this one felt so much more painful. You can feel blood seep into your uniform as you try running faster.

“(Y/N) your bleeding! A lot!” Bepo’s voice rang in your ears as you finally looked down at your wound. He wasn’t kidding when he said a lot. Almost your entire shoulder was drenched in the red substance.

“Now’s not the time to worry about it! Our priority is getting back to the Polar Tang! I can see it from here, so don’t stop now, alright?!” Bepo’s worried face is replaced by a serious one as he continues to run. The yellow metal of the sub gives both of you determination to run faster.

Once getting on the dock, you have Bepo jump in first before yourself. An action you ask yourself for. In fact, you were questioning why you saved him in the first place? If he died, that’d be one less nuisance to kill later. That and you wouldn’t have been shot! You wouldn’t be currently bleeding out if you just left him to die. Yet, the thought of the bear getting hurt made your heart burn. 

~~~

The event’s of earlier replayed in your mind as you sit in the infirmary. As soon as the Polar Tang went under the waves, you rushed yourself to the infirmary so you could fix your shoulder.

While yes, your ‘Captain’ is a doctor, the last thing you want is to owe him. Not to mention he was too busy setting course for the next destination. You didn’t have the time to wait. So you were gonna do it yourself, it’s not like people would come looking for you. That being said, you grab all the supplies you need and begin your own health care. It couldn’t be that hard.

“Damn bullet. Just get out already.” Putting your gloved finger in the wound, you try to fish out the bullet. A hand towel between yoru teeth as you bit down in pain. How can something be so difficult?! It’s a metal cylinder for chirsts sake! Why can’t you find it?! The lack of success made you aware of how much more blood you’ve lost. Your gloved hand is covered in it and ran down your arm. A weary feeling fills your body as you can feel yourself growing tired. Which even you know is not a good sign.

“Yeah, they're in here, Captain!” The sound of hurried footsteps catches your attention as the infirmary door opens. The figure of Law and Bepo enter your vision. You should have known Bepo would tell him.

“Jesus (Y/N)-ya! What are you thinking?!” The way his voice reprimanded you made you unintentionally lower your head.

“I just didn’t want to bother you since you were busy.”

“I’m your Captain, and as your Captain, it’s my job to make sure my crew stays okay! That means fixing them when their hurt! Never do this shit again, understand?” Looking away from him with a lowered head, you respond.

“Yes, Captain.”

~~~

You were currently sitting in the crew bunks reading a book, trying to ignore the pins and needles in your shoulder and your heavy heart. It shouldn’t affect you as much as it is, but when Law yelled at you, you felt ashamed. The fact a pirate could make you feel this way pissed you off. How can a simple pirate crew influence your emotions to where you took a bullet for one of them? No matter how hard you tried to focus on the book you were reading, your agonizing thoughts kept running rampant. 

Yet just as you were about to put the book away, theres a knock at the door.

“Hello?” Waiting to see another crew member, you were shocked to see Law standing at the door frame staring at you.

“Do you need something, Captain?”

“Bepo told me you took the bullet for him. Is that true?”

“Yeah. I didn’t want him to get hurt after I saw a Marine aiming at him.” Law said nothing as he looked at your bandaged shoulder.

“How’s it feel?”

“Like a bullet wound.” A small chuckle left his lips as he stared at you before going silent.

“Sorry for not telling you about it. You were already busy, so I didn’t want to add more trouble to your plate.”

“I apologize for yelling; Bepo wanted to say thank you, but he felt too bad to say it in person.”

“I’ll have to tell him it’s no problem. But it’s sweet of you to help him.” Law looks away as he puts his hand on his neck. He couldn’t have you seeing how your words made his cheek show a slight pink.

“Also, I have a question. Or, well, a request, really.”

“What is it?”

“I was wondering when, or if you have the time, you could teach me some basic first aid and CPR? I just would like to help in case someone got hurt on the battlefield. Like a field medic who can take care of their own.” Law’s heart did a small flip as you looked at him. You’ve only been a Heart Pirate for 3 months, and you’ve already taken a bullet for a crewmate, made meals more than half the time, always cleaned, and now you're making an effort to try and help him and your crewmates even more?

How can someone be so caring to people they barely know?

The thought of being alone with you, having you watch him in awe made his fingers twitch. It annoyed him. Why did you have this ability to have him feel emotions he hasn’t felt in years? Was it your eyes? You voice? What was it about you that had Law’s heart skipping a beat? How could he feel this way about someone he’s only known for 3 months? If he was smart, he’d say that he was busy and that he didn’t have the time to teach you.

“I’m free now so get up and let’s go.”

~~~

The moonlight was just bright enough that you were able to read your notes late into the night while everyone else was sleeping. Ever since you asked Law to teach you about first aid and CPR, you’ve been taking notes on everything he teaches. You didn’t want to forget anything. Even if you’d never admit it, you caught yourself looking forward to the lessons.

Penguin told you thathe’s never spent this much time with a crewmate before. That you’ve been the only one to actually get him out of his office. Knowing that made your blood run faster. It was both good and bad. You were getting him to trust you, it’d be easier to kill him if he lowered his guard around you. But on the other hand, your heart started to constrict every time you thought about killing him. That you looked forward being next to him. You could feel yoru face burn each time you saw a smirk on his face.

His beautiful face.

Slapping both hands to your face, you try to get rid of the thoughts that dared to threaten your mission. He was a pirate, you were a assassin hired by the world government to kill him. The things you began to feel for him was simply unacceptable. You couldn’t fall for a pirate.

The urge to read your notes was now gone, making you put them under your bunk. You didn’t want to think about anything that involves the man poisoning your heart. Grabbing your covers, you pull them over your head, hoping that no one would see the conflicted look on your face as your plagued with thoughts about the man only two doors down.

~~~

The kitchen was nice and quiet this time of night. Perfect time to simmer in your thoughts and write down all the information you learned from Law. You even bought all sorts of notebooks, pencils, highlighters, and anything you could think of that would help you keep track of things. It does help keep your mind occupied so you forget that your underwater. Even though you were internally screaming at yourself for putting in so much effort to make Law proud, you try tto ration that learning things like this could help you in the long run.

Reaching out, you grab the onigiri that you had prepared earlier and take a bite. The flavors making you lose focus from your notes as you smile. Eating the food always made you happy not matter how shitty the day was. You even had some tea to keep you awake. A perfect combination. Favorite food, great drinks and drawing your Captain all over your notes.

Wait.

Your eyes widen as you coke on your food. Rubbing your watery eyes, you see your hand just above a drawing of Law. Your eyes scan the entire page and all you can see is drawings upon drawings of Law werre scattered anywhere there was free room. Speechless, you quickly put down yoru food and start searching for a big eraser. You needed to erase them right away before anyone saw. Erase them before you could continue to think about him. 

Desperately trying to get rid of the drawings, you end up ripping the paper. Looking down, you could feel your heart slowing downseeing the crumpled up paper, no longer containing Law. His face comeptely erased from the notes. You drop the eraser before rubbing your face. Even when your not thinking about him, you are! How dare he make you feel this?!

You went to grab your unfinished onigiri but decided against it. Not wanting to taint your favorite food by thinking of a pirate.

“Damn pirate…”

“What are you doing awake?” Law’s voice had you jumping in your seat. You quickly turn the page of your notebook so he won’t see the sins you drew. Even if they were already erased.

“Could ask the same for you, Captain.” You joke with the man as he stifled a chuckle.

“Working. Came for coffee.”

“Ah. I’m working on notes for the things you’ve been teaching me. It’s just quieter at night to study. Also easier to make food and tea without worrying about it being stolen.” Law looks down and sees a perfectly made onigiri next to you.

“You can have one if you want. I don’t mind sharing…if it’s with you.” Law watches you move the plate closer to him. He could feel his heart skip a beat. Normally he’d not be one to eat food this late at night, but what could one hurt?

“Thanks.” Grabbing the food, Law takes a bite. His eyes widen upon the taste. Never in his entire life has he had onigiri this good.

“Is it bad?” Realizing he’s been quiet and seeing your saddened face, Law quickly swallows the food and begins to speak.

“No, not at all. I’ve just…this is really good.” He could see his words immediately lifting your mood. Whether he said it or not, your smile had him struggling not to smile back.

“That’s good to hear. I’m glad you like it, Captain.” Law looked down at the scattered notes. A small part of him was amazed at how serious you were about it. Another part told him that he needed to get back to work. Yet the voice telling him to stay was much louder, and thankfully, he had the perfect idea.

“I’m giving you a pop quiz.”

“What?! You never said anything about a quiz!”

“That’s why it's called a pop quiz. Now put your notes away." You can see the almost invisible smirk Law had. Grumbling, you stack your things neatly and place them far away. Your annoyance soon fizzled out when he sat right next to you.

“First question. What does ABC mean in first aid?”

“Easy. Airway, breathing, and circulation.” Law nods, and you can see him thinking of the next question.

“Injury caused by rubbing or scrapping of the skin?”

“Abrasion.”

“Correct.” You watch as Law grabs another onigiri. The sight of him wanting another one made your heart jump. He liked them enough to eat a second one? You had to keep yourself from gushing. He’s a pirate. No gushing over some dangerous pirate!

“A method of prioritizing treatment?”

“Triage.”

“Good job (Y/N)-ya.”

Maybe being in the company of a dangerous pirate wasn’t so bad.

~~~

Two arms wrap around your waist while you feel something bury in the crook of your neck. The smell of breakfast was easily over powered by the muck of the man holding you close. You reach up to run your fingers through his hair under his hat. A sigh came from teh man and you smile as it fans against your skin.

“What’s got you so loving? I thought you didn’t like PDA?”

“I don’t. Everyone's gone.” Short words, yet it’s all you need to know. The feeling of his arms wrapped around you had you feeling an overwhelming sense of safety engulf you. You intertwine his fingers with his before gently rocking side to side. 

“I’m so happy that I get to see the most handsome man in the world every day. And that he’s all mine.” Your words cause Law to hide his face deeper in your neck, but you can still see his ears a light pink.

“I’m happy that you're with me, too.” He whispers against your skin. Turning your head, you place a kiss on the brim of his hat. You watch as Moves his head to look at you. His eyes travel to your lips before he moves closer to your face-

“Everyone up! Time to dock and grab supplies!” Your eyes shot open when Penguin's voice broke you from your slumber. All your crewmates grumble as they begin to change and get ready for the day, yet your stuck in bed. The dream replays in your mind like a broken record. Lifting your fingers to your face, you gently brush your fingertips against your lips. If Penguin didn’t wake you up, would he have kissed you?

Your heart has never beat more faster as you simply think about the dream. It felt so real. What’s worse is that you wished you finsihed the dream.

Frustration and anger fill your body as you feel tears slip down your skin. Clenching your teeth, you try to yell at yourself internally. Tell yourself that what you feel is wrong! That you’d rather die than fall in love with a pirate!

‘Stop! You can’t fall in love with him! Get your shit together (Y/N)!’ You yell at yourself as you groggily get ready to dock. Maybe if you breathe fresh air, you’ll realize that your thinking like a fool/ A change of scenery is what you need. It’ll help you realize what your really here for. 

To kill the Surgeon of Death.

~~~

You follow Law and the rest of the crew in town to grab supplies and maybe rob a store or two. Whatever, it’s not like it matters. Not when this is the last stop that Law will ever see. There's a half-ass plan you came up with in your head when you got ready to leave the Polar Tang. It’s not perfect but it has to do. You couldn’t risk being next to him anymore. Simply being near him made your body crazy. Hearing his voice made your heart flip, and looking at his eyes made your legs weak. Without even knowing, Law had your heart in the palm of his hand.

“Okay, everyone. We’re splitting into groups.” You try to ignore his voice but still listen to where your group would be. 

“Me and (Y/N)-ya will be going west of town. Everyone got it?” If you could, you’d disappear on the spot. The universe has to be screwing with you. Truly a cruel joke it was playing.

Everyone separates, leaving Law and you alone. You quickly try to hide all the negative emotions and put up a happy front. Walking closer to Law, his smell hits you like a sack of bricks. You desperately try to seem unfazed, but you can feel your legs weaken.

“Anywhere, in particular, Captain?”

“Bookstore.” You blink at him.

“Really?”

“Yes. Your getting textbooks.” You pout at his words. It’s a shame since they’d be useless after today.

“That and I overheard you talking to yourself, saying you like to read books to help with your insomnia.”

BA-DUM

BA-DUM

“Y-Yeah, I do. Aren’t you gonna get something for yourself as well?”

“Nothing I can think of.”

“So we're going just for me?” Law’s eyes widen as your face burns.

“Sleep is important. You need it to be healthy, and you already do a lot more than your fellow crewmates.”

“Thank you, Captain.” Law nods, and you both make your way to the bookstore. Despite your outer emotions, inside, you were screaming. How could he hit you with such an act? He’s acting like he cares about you. What if he did? He’s acting like you mean more to him than just a crewmate. But that can’t be possible. Pirates are ruthless. They don’t care about love and things like that.

Law was a pirate, nothing more to it.

~~~

“Did you choose the biggest textbooks cause you could?!” Your complaining as you carry the heavy textbooks only made him smirk. If you weren’t holding all your books, you’d jump him.

“Perhaps.” A gasp leaves your lips as you stop in your tracks.

“Your lying!”

“Who’s the one carrying the textbooks?” You were speechless at his audacity. He seemed to think your reaction was funny as the men let out a laugh. So quiet that you almost couldn’t hear.

BA-DUM

BA-DUM

His laughter made your blood run hot as your heart beat against your ribs. How can laughter make you such an utter blubbering mess. The laughter of a pirate sounded more beautiful then any other laugh you’ve ever heard. It was something your heart wanted to listen to on repeat.

Suddenly, a drop of water falls from the sky and on your nose.

“Rain?”

“If it is, then we should get back to the Polar Tang. The textbooks could be ruined.” Nodding your head, you walk next to Law as you both hurry to get out of the rain.

~~~

Finally making it to the Polar Tang, you stop outside. The rain pelting against your skin did nothing to distract you from the scattered junk that's running through your mind. It was quiet on the way to the sub, and you hated it. It left you in your conflicted feelings. How would you finally get the opportunity to kill him? How your heart screamed that what you felt was real but you knew better. You were more strong-willed than that-

“I’m glad you joined.” A voice so soft and quiet broke the silence. It had your eyes widening and your heart freezing.

“What did you say?”

“You can see the pink appear on Law’s cheeks as he repeated himself.

“I’m glad you joined.” His final words made you bite your lips as tears began to form in your eyes.

BA-DUM

BA-DUM

CRACK

You fall to your hands and knees as sobs begin to escape your lips, and you can no longer deny what you feel. No amount of lying to yourself could work anymore. You had failed your mission. A mission you gave a year of your life to. You had fallen in love with Trafalgar Law, and there's nothing you could do about it.

“You shouldn’t be…”

“(Y/N)-ya? What’s going on? What are you talking about?”

“I don’t deserve to be called a Heart Pirate!”

“(Y/N)-ya, what's wrong?” The sound of worry and confusion in his voice only made it worse.

“Just kill me. I can’t handle these feelings! It’s not fair to you and the crew!”

“I’m not going to kill you (Y/N)-ya! Now what the hell is going on?!-”

“I’m an assassin sent by the world government to kill you!” Your head was touching the ground, and your soaked uniform clung to your skin. A sickly silence covered the two of you before you continued to confess.

“But I can’t! I can’t do it! The thought of anything bad happening to you makes me sick! It makes my heart burn to think about you in any pain!” Hiccups soon accompany your sobs as your hair starts sticking to your face.

“The thought of living in a world without you is hell! Ever since I’ve met you, my heart has beat faster than it ever has! Seeing you everyday and being near you everyday makes me so happy and i could never be happier!”

“I love sharing food with you! I love spending time with you! I love listening to your voice and laughter! I love you, Trafalgar Law! I love you so fucking much that I’d rather die than live without you!” Law’s still silent, and it only makes you ramble more.

“I know you don’t feel the same and I don’t deserve for you to feel the same! You deserve someone who wouldn’t lie to your face for a year! I deserve nothing! I don’t deserve to dream about you! I don’t deserve to imagine holding your hand or holding you close! I don’t deserve to dream about kissing you…” Sobs echo in your ears as your vision blurs. You could barely breathe as the tears kept flowing.

“Please, Captain…just kill me. I’m a traitor who deserves to die. I failed you and used your kindness selfishly. Now I can’t imagine a world without you and a world without you is a world where i’d rather die. So please, Law, stab me, poison me, just do something! I’ll take whatever punishment you give me with open arms as it’s all I deserve…” Hugging yourself, you can’t hear Law over the now thundering sounds coming from the sky. The rain only started pouring harder and hitting your back like hail. You wait for some sort of pain or the bittersweet embrace of death, yet it never comes. 

You didn’t dare look up at Law’s face. You didn’t deserve to.

“(Y/N)-ya.” His voice made your heart split in two. 

The tears and sobs distracted you from the sound of crunching grass coming up from in front of you. It’s only when you feel a hand grab your chin and lift it up.

“Get in the sub. We’ll talk about this later. You're going to get sick if you stay out in the rain longer.” Your tears still continue when you feel him grab your arm and pull you to your feet. The sudden action had your eyes widening and your legs shaking. 

“B-But…Captain-” Before you could utter a word. A gentle pair of lips connect with yours before leaving. Lasting only a few seconds yet you could still feel the sensation on your lips. The tears still blur your vision, but you ignore them as you feel yourself being led to the Polar Tang.

“It’s Law.”

[blossoming-mind-palace]

Can I request modern day headcannons for everyone? Including Chung Mei Lee Xue

I already posted something similar, but I decided to repost it, tweak it, and added new characters. Chung Mei and Lee Xue already come from the modern day, so some of these are just facts about them. Besides that, it’s a separate (and happier) universe where the ROTBB characters were born in the same time period.

Btw OC stuff is under the cut for people that aren’t into that kinda stuff.

ROTBB Modern AU (SFW)

Chung Myung

Still went straight to the workforce after graduating high school. He had a high GPA, but just didn’t want to pursue any higher education. He’s a security guard at a university thanks to Chung Mun being a professor there.

Like Chung Mun, he thrifts most of his clothes. Rarely splurges on new pieces unless he know’s it’s really high quality and will last a looooong time. Outside of work he likes to wear dark colors, jeans, and leather jackets. Occasionally wears florals and prefers embroidery over prints because they last longer.

I’m gonna place him in his 30s unlike my original post. He still isn’t proficient with technology though.

In a boxing club, and is the best fighter in it. (Obviously)

He’s a really bad driver and has been in multiple accidents. He’s an aggressive driver and has totaled at least two cars. Has a scar from one of those accidents and will show it off when asked.

Can cook, but eats a lot of fast food because it’s cheap and convenient. If he eats a home-cooked meal it’s either because he was in the mood to cook or Chung Mun made dinner.

I feel like he’d listen to older rock.

Chung Mun

Everyone’s favorite professor, but I can’t decide on what he’d teach. Maybe social sciences? Idk.

Succeeds at keeping his student’s attention and is pretty merciful when it comes to deadlines. He knows that shit happens and doesn’t get passive aggressive if you can’t turn in your assignment on time, but knows when to put his foot down if students take advantage of this.

Thrift king. Comfort > style. Wears beige or warm colors, and is a big fan of sweaters.

A better driver than Chung Myung. Has no idea how Chung Myung became such a bad driver because he taught him. Drives a modest used car.

Only listens to older songs/genres. Once thrifted a record player and taught himself how to fix it, and he only buys used vinyls because the newer ones are expensive.

Jo Gul

Around freshmen/sophomore grade. Currently working towards a general education degree, but his dad wants him to major in something business-related. Jo Gul is thinking about changing his major to something fitness-related despite his dad’s wishes.

Likes to wear graphic tees, trendy prints and jeans. I can see him rocking a beanie, too. Idk why.

Met Chung Myung at their boxing club. Got his ass handed to him on the first day, but still attends regularly. (Thanks Chung Myung)

They also frequent the same gym. Lifts a lot and likes to show off his arms.

His guilty pleasure is crappy romance shows/movies. Will go on long-winded rants about them and who should’ve gotten together. Did not shut up about Bridgerton when the new season came out. (Same)

A fan of pop and rock music.

Yunjong

Another thrift king! He doesn’t follow trends and just buys whatever’s comfy and would last long.

He’s a university student, but unlike Jo Gul, he’s there on scholarship and has to work to feed himself. (he’s still an orphan)

During his limited free time, he likes to pirate movies, read in the university’s library, and occasionally plays DnD. He makes a really good dungeon master or team leader.

Fantasy nerd!! Likes to escape to fantasy worlds to distract himself from how stressful his life is.

Doesn’t drive, but rides a bike instead so he won’t have to pay for gas.

Baek Cheon

Two grades ahead of Jo Gul and Yunjong. Couldn’t get into the same school as his brother, so he ended up going to their rival university.

Top of his class and on the dean’s list. Has no idea why the other school wouldn’t accept him.

He’s an excellent tutor and is one of Chung Mun’s favorite students. I still don’t know what he’d major in though. </3

Accidentally walked in on one of Yunjong’s DnD meetings. Initially did not understand the hype, but joined anyway and still attends meetings consistently.

Also uses a bike instead of a car because it’s good exercise.

Used to wear brand-named clothes, but stopped after he moved out of his family’s home. After that, he became an expert at looking expensive while not breaking the bank.

Yu Iseol

Goes to university, but struggles with going to events and doing extra-curricular activities. Also at the top of her class and is Baek Cheon’s academic rival.

Goes to the same gym as Jo Gul and outperforms him like the queen she is. Makes her own workout routines inspired by fictional characters.

Again, she’s a shounen fan. She thinks genres like that are inspiring, and she likes to rewatch her favorite shows a lot.

Accidentally stumbled across the boxing club and almost beat Chung Myung. She doesn’t attend meetings anymore, but the members still respect her because she went toe-to-toe with their best boxer.

Occasionally helps Baek Cheon tutor, and they’ve both tutored Yunjong and Jo Gul before. She’s not very good at explaining things, though.

Wears men’s clothing because women’s clothing is often low-quality and impractical. Her style is plain and baggy, but she somehow makes it look couture. Likes to wear her dad’s hand-me-downs when she misses him.

Tang Soso

Biology major of course! Just a grade under Yu Iseol and Baek Cheon.

Freaks people out with how obsessive she is with science. Has an iron-stomach and isn’t phased by gross lessons or projects. Magically not phased by the smell of formaldehyde, either. That last one REALLY freaks her peers out.

Like Jo Gul, she doesn’t have to work outside of school thanks to her family’s support. Her family has made a lot of donations towards the schools she went to over the years.

LOVES yapping about the sciences and randomly info-dumps about it. Yu Iseol likes to listen to her lecture about her latest scientific obsession. Tang Soso could talk for hours, and Yu Iseol could listen to her for hours.

Keeps up with trends, and has an elegant style. A lot of people wouldn’t guess she’s so weird thanks to how classy/lady-like her fashion sense is.

Yu Iseol’s dorm mate. They met after being randomly chosen for each other.

Tang Soso owns a nice car and takes really good care of it. Is Yu Iseol’s carpool, but she’s trying to teach her how to drive. It’s going well. (Better than the Chung brothers that’s for fucking sure-)

Has a pet snake back at home. Her younger siblings take care of it while she’s gone, but she misses it during the semester.

Tang Bo

Biology professor who likes to annoy the security guard during his breaks.

Tang Soso doesn’t take any of his classes since they’re family, but he does tutor her from time to time.

Her snake was a gift from him and he’s glad that she’s taken such good care of it.

He’s her favorite uncle but shhhh don’t tell the others. Promised her dad he’d keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn’t get into trouble while she’s at uni.

Most students either think he’s fun or ruthless. There’s no in between. His classes are not easy, and he isn’t as forgiving as Chung Mun when it comes to deadlines.

Despite nagging other people about drinking too much caffeine, he has a mild caffeine addiction. He’s also not a morning person, so he’d literally be the “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee” meme were a person.

Chung Mun is one of the few coworkers he gets along with, and goes out drinking during the weekends with Chung Myung. (Some things never change)

Wears a lot of dark colors and has a polished style until the end of the semester. At that point he gets burnt out and doesn’t care. (Me)

Lee Songbaek

Goes to the rival university, but he’s pleasant to be around so the crew doesn’t hate him.

Majoring in photography and has a part-time job at a small café.

Has a clean style and wears a lot of university hoodies/sweaters. He’s really popular on social media, and he mostly posts his outfits, latte art, and his photography.

Jin Geumryong

Oh I hate writing about this man! I never know what to do with him.

About to graduate, and, like his brother, is at the top of his class. Idk what he’d do afterwards, but he’d definitely become an alumni in the future.

Unlike his brother, he still wears high-end clothes. He doesn’t wear logos because they’re tacky, though. His style is classy with a lot of white, blue, and occasionally black.

I feel like he’s moved out and has a really nice apartment. Has nice furniture and keeps it clean despite his busy academic schedule.

Chung Mei (OC)

Almost graduated with the degree her dad wanted, had an early-mid life crisis, took a few gap years, and went back to get the degree she wanted after talking to her sister about her troubles. Would want to major in something art, writing, or education-related.

Was on the dean’s list until she broke down. Her grades are still pretty good, but she doesn’t stress out over them like she used to.

Like Chung Myung, she’s in her 30s. Still has the same relationship history as the original timeline. (Rip)

A part-time student and spends a lot of her time working. I feel like she’d be the university’s anti-social librarian. She works hard but hates helping people because social anxiety. Really nice when she’s comfy with you, though.

Tutoring is held in the library, and DnD meetings are held in one of the spare meeting rooms. This is how she meets most of the crew.

Befriends Jo Gul because he once saw her reading a romance novel that was the source material for one of his favorite movies. Likes to attend Yunjong’s DnD meetings because she’s also obsessed with fantasy. Overall a really big romance/fantasy fan.

Tang Soso befriended her after complimenting her outfit. She basically adopted a second introvert.

Her favorite music genres are girly hyper pop and metal. Her fashion sense is similar; she can’t choose between pastel girly vibes or going full goth. She ends up mixing the two.

Lee Xue (OC)

If her social battery isn’t low, she’ll go drinking with Tang Bo and Chung Myung. She’d also rather drink at her and Lee Xue’s place instead of drinking in public bc she doesn’t trust strangers.

A cat woman in every universe.

Not connected to the university at all. She dropped out of high school, but ended up becoming a bartender. She makes really good money because of her extroversion, charming personality, and pretty looks. (And her big personalities-)

Flirted with one of the rival university’s students for fun. (Lee Songbaek) She thought his shy personality was cute and didn’t plan on going any further, but ended up in a relationship with him.

Before Chung Mei moved in with her, she didn’t take care of herself. Her diet mostly consisted of fast food or microwave dinners. She knows how to make a good drink, but sucks at cooking.

Now that Chung Mei lives with her, she has a healthier diet with more home-cooked meals. Lee Xue tries to thank her by occasionally making dinner, but her sister never eats her food and she can’t figure out why! :( (her cooking is more deadly than Tang poisons and she is not aware of this)

Never stopped loving y2k fashion. Has always rocked low-rise jeans even when they were out of style, and likes it when they’re ripped.

The reason why Chung Mei is into metal. Was in a band during high school/her early 20s, but they broke up and everyone went their separate ways. Looks back on those days fondly.

Still proficient in most string instruments, but only plays for fun now.

[writingwhimsey]

Hii! I wanna say congratulations for the 300 followers, your writing is honestly amazing and you're def my comfort writer <3

Anyways, for the celebration request, can I get arranged marriage fluff with Motonari? I've been feeling in need of Motonari fluff lately, and I already know it's gonna be amazing with your writing skills and our favourite pirate king!

Again, congrats in 300! I honestly think you deserve way more than that 🫶

Thank you for your support, sweet anon! And thank you for this request! I love this pirate so much! And there needs to be more fluff with him! So, I am happy to contribute to that fluff.

Alright so here we go! Motonari and arranged marriage fluff!

The Pirate and The Princess

It had been two months now that Motonari had entered into this arranged marriage with the Oda Princess. Two months since she had come to live with him. He had let her know from the beginning this was nothing more than a political arrangement, that it was a marriage in name only.

Of course, the princess had known that even without him stating it so bluntly. She was his wife legally and in name…but that was all there was to it. In truth, she was little better than a hostage, a pawn in this political game to secure the alliance…to make sure that the Oda didn’t do anything Motonari didn’t agree with…and to ensure that Yoshiaki never came back into power.

“This marriage is just a means to an end. I never wanted no wife.” Motonari had told her, his tone harsh, though she didn’t flinch.

“I’m not an idiot.” She had told him, fixing a glare at him. “You think you’re some kind of catch or something? Please, I never picked this arrangement. You are the LAST person on earth I would pick.”

“Well, at least we’re on the same page then.” Motonari had replied, surprised by the fire in her eyes. He had mistaken her for some shy weak little thing…but it appeared she had been more.

“Lady Mouri, perhaps I can show you to your chambers.” Hiroyoshi had said, interrupting them.

“That sounds good.” She had said, getting up to follow the old goat, showing him a genuinely kind smile…something that had irked Motonari.

After that, the princess had given him the cold shoulder. Though she would smile and chat up Hiroyoshi and his crew, being totally sweet to them…and looking at Motonari with utter contempt whenever they would cross paths. 

It had honestly gotten under Motonari’s skin. “Why’s she always gotta look at me like that? Why’s she always got that sweet smile fer everyone else?”

“Perhaps my lord, you could try being kind to the Lady Mouri.” Hiroyoshi had said, to him as he brought Motonari some documents with some new trade agreements.

“The hell you talkin’ ‘bout ya old codger?” Motonari had groused.

“Nothing, my lord.” Hiroyoshi had replied. “You know, I was talking to the princess the other day…apparently she was working as a seamstress in Azuchi before she came here. It was something she rather enjoyed.”

“Am I s’posed ta care about somethin’ she likes?” Motonari had asked.

“Just thought it was an interesting tidbit, my lord.” Hiroyoshi had answered. “Though, I did hear that she was a highly sought after seamstress. Highly skilled and very passionate about her work. She brought in lots of new business to Azuchi.”

Motonari had looked up at the old man, intrigued by this, lifting one white brow. “That so?”

“Very so, my lord.” Hiroyoshi had answered.

“Get ‘er some fabrics then.” Motonari had said. “And sewin’ stuff.”

“Of course, my lord.” Hiroyoshi had replied, a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face.

“Don’t go gettin’ no funny ideas. It’s just good business.” Motonari snapped.

“No ideas at all, my lord.”

It had only taken another few days after that for the princess to come knocking on his council room door. “What?” Motonari had called as she came in, carrying something in her hands.

“I…just wanted to give you this…as a thank you for the fabrics and sewing notions.” She replied, bowing and handing him a small wrapped parcel.

Motonari looked at her as he took the package. “That ain’t nothin’ ta thank me for. Hiryoshi said you were a good seamstress. Just a good business move.” He replied, waving her off.

“Still…I really appreciate being able to get back to it and having something to do.” She replied. “I think I was beginning to drive poor Hiroyoshi crazy constantly asking him for something to do…and well also… I think we got off on the wrong foot.”

“What are ya talkin’ about?” Motonari asked.

“Just…I know this arrangement is all political and I don’t expect to EVER fall in love with you or for your shriveled black heart to start beating and beating for me…but maybe we can LIKE each other even if we don’t LOVE each other…and maybe be friends.”

Motonari blinked in surprise at her words…was…no one had ever come to him with such a crazy offer before. “Ya got flowers fer brains or what?” He had asked her.

“Ugh…I can’t believe I even tried!” She groaned as she got up in a huff. “I thought…I don’t know what I thought.” She was then quickly leaving the room. 

Motonari watched her go, not saying a word. It irritated him that she left so quickly…but he couldn’t quite figure out why. He looked down at the package she had given him…finally he decided to open it. Inside was a small handkerchief that matched the fabric of the cape he usually draped over his shoulder and was embroidered with the Mouri crest on the corner.

The fabric was perfectly cut and sewn well. The embroidery was intricate and clearly that of a skilled hand. “Ah…dammit.” Motonari had groaned, running a gloved hand through his hair in agitation. “Dammit all ta hell.”

The next night, Motonari had gone to the princess, carrying a tray with some tea and a freshly cooked meal he had made. “Here.” He said, as he sat the tray down in her room, where she sat working on her sewing.

She had looked at him, confusion in her face. “What’s this for?” She asked.

“Hiroyoshi said ya been workin’ all day…ain’t had much ta eat.” Motonari had answered, honestly not even sure why he was here.

“I…suppose now is a good time for a break.” She had replied, placing a loose stitch in her work to save her place before neatly folding it and setting it aside.

“Well, enjoy.” Motonari said, awkwardly heading for the door.

“You…you aren’t going to join me?” She asked, her words stopping him in his tracks.

“What?”

“Well…I thought…nevermind.” She replied. “Thank you.”

Motonari let out a groan as he turned back around to her. “No, tell me what’s on yer mind.”

“I just…I thought maybe…this was you…maybe agreeing to what I said the other day…about us trying to just like each other…get to know each other.” The princess answered. “Where I come from… people share meals and get to know each other.”

“I still think ya got flowers growin’ in that head o’ yers…but maybe we can give it a try.” Motonari found himself saying.

And thus began a new ritual. Every night the pair would sit down to dinner together…a dinner Motonari made as he wouldn’t eat food others had touched. This was something Motonari had surprisingly come to look forward to. They would talk and… well they would bicker quite often. Motonari would tease her and get her riled up…and she would bite back…which was something he found he enjoyed.

Though if Motonari were being honest, the thing he enjoyed the most would be at the end of one of their bickering sessions. The princess would sigh and shake her head…but she would be wearing the most beautiful smile. Her eyes would be warm and full of light…and Motonari was entirely unaware of the warm look he would give to her in return.

On this particular night, after finishing their dinner the princess let out a sigh. “I guess you’ll be heading off then?” She asked.

“Don’t tell me you’ll be missin’ me, flower girl.” Motonari teased her.

The princess scrunched up her face. “I wouldn’t go THAT far…but… I just… get bored.”

Motonari chuckled. “Well, if yer bored, then hows about we go on a little adventure?” He found himself suggesting.

She looked up at him, her eyes narrowing in playful suspicion. “What kind of adventure?”

“Only one way to find out.” Motonari replied, grinning in spite of himself. “What do ya say, flower girl?”

“I say… I must be utterly insane because… it sounds like fun.”

It was a short time later, Motonari and the princess were leaving his castle, Motonari leading her through a path in the forest. “Watch yer footing. It can get kinda rough around here.” He warned her, as he held a small lantern to guide them.

“I’ll do my best.” She replied.

They walked a little further before Motonari found himself reaching a hand back towards the princess. “Here, don’t need ya fallin’ on yer face…despite how funny that might be.”

The princess blinked as she looked at Motonari’s outstretched hand, still clad in his white glove. Though they had never expressly discussed it…she was aware that he didn’t like to be touched. She’d been aware of the physical distance he purposely kept between them. She’d also seen him keep that same distance with… well everyone. She’d even witnessed him violently through off an overly-flirty lady of the night. It wasn’t too hard to pick up on the fact that Motonari didn’t like to be touched.

“What? Somethin’ wrong?” Motonari asked.

“W-won’t…you be…uncomfortable?” She asked, looking up at him, her eyes wide in the low light of the lantern and the moon.

It was then that Motonari seemed to become aware of himself…aware of what he was offering. Was he really about to let this other person TOUCH him? His hand was still hanging in the air between them. He thought hard about this now…but to his surprise…the idea of the princess’s hand in his…it didn’t make his skin crawl. It didn’t make him break out into a cold sweat. He didn’t know why…but SHE was okay.

“It’s…okay.” He told her, a surprisingly tender look in his eyes, his crooked smile soft. 

“Are…are you sure?” She asked, still hesitant. “If it would make you uncomfortable, I can walk fine on my own…and even if I were to trip, I’m not THAT delicate that a little tumble would hurt that bad…wouldn’t be the first time…”

She was rambling, he could tell. “I said it’s okay…but only if it’s you.”

A small gasp escaped the princess as she looked up at him, her eyes somehow going wider. “O-okay…” She was then ever so slowly, placing her hand in his.

Motonari’s gloved fingers curled around her delicate hand…so much smaller than his own. Her hand felt warm in his palm…and he was surprised to find…it actually felt pleasant to hold her hand. He turned forward once again and lead her through the forest, making sure to keep her from tripping as they went.

Soon they were coming to a clearing that led to a small cliff’s edge. “Stay close and watch yer step.” He told her as he led her up the cliff.

“You’re not gonna throw me over and claim I fell are you?” She joked, though Motonari could detect a hint of nervousness in her voice.

Motonari looked at her, lifting a brow. “No.” He answered. “Yer shakin’ there m’lady. I promise I ain’t takin’ ya out here ta hurt ya.”

She shook her head. “That’s…not it…I uh…I may…have a little fear…of high…places.” She admitted sheepishly, looking down at her feet.

Motonari still held her hand in his. He found himself giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “Don’t worry, I got ya.”

She looked up at him, surprised to see how gently he was looking at her right now. His hand around hers was warm…and surprisingly comforting. “Okay…” 

Motonari led her up the cliff, keeping her hand in his the entire time. “Now…have a look at this view.”

The princess turned and looked out. The cliff overlooked the ocean, and her breath was instantly taken away. The large full moon and the millions of twinkling stars were reflected on the water’s surface, broken only by the ripples of the gentle waves and the ocean creatures moving below the water. It looked as if the sky truly never ended.

“It’s…wow…it’s…” She gasped, as she took in the view.

Motonari watched her, unable to keep himself from smiling. Her eyes twinkled as if holding the light of the stars she was gazing at. As he looked at her, one word flitted through his mind completely unbidden…

“Beautiful.” The princess’s voice said, completing her unfinished thought.

Motonari couldn’t help himself and his lips were moving before he could even think better of it. “Yeah, beautiful view.”

The princess turned to him, her cheeks reddening as she realized Motonari was watching her and not the ocean of stars in front of them. 

It was there in that moonlit night, a garden’s worth of new flowers began to bloom.

@zulablaise @limonzu @kisara-16 @oda-princess

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

My childhood Gandalf story

Okay, so, as some of you may know, my mother knew this wizard long before I was born. She was told she was infertile by doctors, and was obviously pretty distressed over this, however, Gandalf told her to “not worry”, because I would be born in a few years (he predicted the month, year, what I’d be like, etc)

Fast-forward 19 years later, and I track down Gandalf myself, as I would like some insight into my own future (after all, who better to tell me than the guy who predicted my birth?)

I arrive at his front door, and after knocking, here appears who I thought to be Sir Ian McKellan himself, except he has no beard nor pointy hat. I must’ve been staring for five seconds straight before he spoke, as he truly looks like Gandalf.

Now, after inviting me into his home, the things he told me about my own future...

Overall synopsis: he basically told me who I’m going to end up as, and who I’m going to marry, and guarantee you guys will not guess the answer.

There’s a lot he said, so I’ll break it down for you.

First off, he knew right off the bat that I write fanfiction, which is, of course, humiliating, but he told me to not worry, as one of my own books one day will sell well after publishing—not the first time, but the second time round.

He picked up on some psychological things early on. At one point, he was like, “Ah, I can see you feel as though you are undeserving of love.”

So then I just sat there like:

“That’s great, Gandalf...but can we get to the part where you tell me about my epic adventure to come??”

He then went onto tell me a “big journey” was coming up for me, of which would be overseas, and very influential to my life. This is 100% true, as I am moving overseas soon (late 2021-early 2022) to the Isle of Tasmania to undertake further studies and work.

Regarding my studies—he informed me that I have an although undeveloped, very strong gift for picking up or touching old objects, where I can then learn about its history through touch alone. I’m studying to become an archaeologist, and I told him so immediately after. He got kinda satisfied, and drew out one long Gandalf-esque, “Indeed...makes sense for your soul, and your gift.”

He told me about my later partner in life, who I’ll settle down with in about ten years. They’re apparently very nautical, and have a deep passion for the seas. This is fantastic, because I myself cannot live away from the ocean. You’re doing well already, future husband 💍

All of a sudden, he then pauses, and looks around the room as if someone has just entered. He smiles knowingly, and says to me, “You’ll be having two sons with your husband, too—twin boys, in fact.”

OF COURSE IT’S TWINS, AS IF ANYONE IN THE TOLKIEN FANDOM CAN ESCAPE THE CONCEPT OF TWINS (I’m either gonna birth Elrohir/Elladan, Elrond/Elros, or Amrod/Amras—fucking rip my body—LITERALLY)

Now, regarding myself, he says I’m going to be in a very powerful position one day, and very well-respected.

There’s a lot more he said, but to break down even more in simpler terms:

I have a gift for learning about an artefact’s past by touching it—psychometry, it’s called. It explains why I’m attracted to old objects, and desire to be an archeologist—a maritime archeologist in fact, which is the study of pirates and ships. I always thought I just had an overactive imagination when touching really old things, like archaeological artefacts! (Relating this back to Tolkien, Mairon’s ring, hint hint)

I’m going to marry a sea-loving sailor of some sort, who I’ll have two twin boys with. My husband will be very secure, passionate in his work, and more hands-on than anything else—resourceful and practical, a “doer”.

I’m going to be very powerful one day, in a very powerful position.

In said position, I’ll be super well-respected.

Apparently, my life is going to be incredibly interesting, with many adventures—he was very intrigued by my soul, and can’t wait to discover more about me.

So, basically, what I’m hearing is, I’m going to grow up to be this woman:

And marry this man:

Yeah, I’m pretty okay with how this is all turning out so far.

That concludes it for now, but there is a lot more to learn. This was just the tip of the iceberg, he said.

Nonetheless, I have a big journey ahead of me, and now have the Gandalf to my Frodo :)

[absolutepokemontrash]

The Brothers and Side Characters Play the Sims

I don’t know what possessed me to make this but WHATEVER. I’ve been playing the Sims since I was a wee little girl, and I’ve seen my fair share of weird Sims stuff that I feel would fit these bozos perfectly.

My Sims have a Functional Family Life Because I Don’t (Lucifer)

God dammit Levi’s obsessed with another game... ugh.

Spends 5 minutes in Create-a-Sim and hops into a starter home.

Lucifer’s the type to start with all the average stuff and then build their stuff up as his sim gets promotions.

It’s just... so peaceful...

...he’s adopting a dog.

Look at his new little virtual family... his sim-kids are self sufficient and getting A’s in school, his Sim spouse MC or Diavolo take your pick loves his Sim-self, his sim-dog-

WAIT NO- THE DOG’S AN ELDER?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAA-

...

He’s fine. It was just a virtual dog. *sniffle*

He’s now spending his free time drinking Demonus and playing the Sims.

What’s a mod? Levi why does your sim have gun?

Behold, My Gorgeous Home... It’s a Box (Mammon)

Mammon, like the rest of the HOL, is mooching off of Levi’s Origin account.

“AW SHIT! This house looks awesome! I’m gonna build it for Sim-me to live in!”

Mammon proceeds to build a box with rooms. Yay...

He just picks the funnest sounding job if he picks any job at all for his Sim. That’s how he ended up making 9 dollars an hour in the criminal career.

Didn’t stop Mammon from buying that solid gold bathroom set from Get Famous... a box with solid gold bathrooms.

His Sim is broke send help-

“Leviiiiiii my sim needs money... the people my sim kidnapped and is forcing to paint aren’t making enough money...” “Ugh... press control shift C and type ‘motherlode’.”

...Levi made a mistake.

“FUCK YEAH! MOTHERLODE!”

His sim’s life is so chaotic, he has a piranha pool that his sim has almost died in twice, the sim is carrying on several torrid love affairs, his sim got struck by lightning, his sim has nearly died in a grilled cheese making accident twice... in the same day.

At least once Sim-Mammon and Sim-MC get married things calm down a little.

Mammon finds out what custom content is and proceeds to download EVERYTHING HE CAN FIND.

And now he’s asking Levi why his computer is running so slow.

Expansion Pack King (Leviathan)

He got into it back when the Sims 2 was new, he’s a veteran fan.

“Bro remember when Agnes Crumplebottom would show up and whack the shit out of your sims if they were flirting?”

“Remember when that witch would show up randomly on the lot you were on if you had Makin’ Magic?”

“Remember when Bella Goth was abducted by aliens and we just... didn’t question it?”

He whines about the Sims4 and how crappy it is but still buys every expansion pack, game pack, and stuff pack.

This boy watches like 40 hours of built tutorials and ends up sobbing over his weird roofs.

“WHY DOESN’T IT LOOK AS NICE AS THE ONE I’M LOOKING AT?! THIS ISN’T FAIR!”

The mod folder is so full istg-

Levi gets custom content for the sole purpose of making his favourite fictional characters.

This is why Henry and the Lord of Shadows are married and Ruri-chan and Sim-Levi are roommates.

Oh my god they were roommates-

Levi also added his brothers to the world and uh... Sim-Mammon died in a tragic pool accident F.

Levi then proceeded to befriend the Grim Reaper.

He’s anxiously awaiting the release of Paralives.

Wait Gameplay? In This Build Simulator? (Satan)

Satan’s here to build and leave. Gameplay who?

Our favourite bundle of rage is a master architect and the amount of followers on the Gallery he has shows it.

He takes up those build shell challenges and always ends up making them look positively perfect.

Asmo’s always using his houses, and Satan often takes requests when he gets bored.

No Mammon, he reserves the right to refuse to build a golden castle for you- YOUR SIM HAS 40 SIMOLEONS-

No mods, no CC, he’s building with what EA gave him.

...and EA gave him debug objects, and he’s not going to explain how to get them.

The one time he did actually play with a family... it was one sim and seven cats.

He tries to play without cheats... and ends up getting frustrated and turns on cheats.

All hail the Pets Expansion Pack.

Custom Content Soap Opera (Asmodeus)

Asmo spends 5 hours in Create a Sim then just... clicks out of the game.

That’s how it goes most of the time, buuuuuut when he gets super invested in a family he’s made, boy howdy is he INVESTED.

Sim A is carrying on an affair with Sim C who’s in love with Sim B who’s married to Sim A but Sim D wants to kill Sim A and C even though they’re the illegitimate child of Sim C-

When Asmo realizes that in the Sims 4 he needs to manufacture all the drama himself and he can’t just sit back with a glass of wine and watch the fireworks, he switches to the Sims 2 and 3.

“...why is this old lady beating up my Sim..?”

He immediately recoils in horror upon seeing how ugly the Sims are pre Sims4.

HE NEEDS TO FIX THIS-

Ah, there we go, perfect. Custom Content to the rescue!

He ends up remaking the entire world just so he doesn’t have to look at weird looking Sims.

Asmo is the only one to have finished a proper Legacy Challenge, but it gets crazy chaotic after gen 3.

“My sim just got abducted by aliens and now he’s pregnant- WHAT?!”

He has about 40 saves and only two he actually plays.

Just a Big Ol’ Happy Family (Beelzebub)

Beel found the game, proceeded to make everyone in create-a-sim to the best of his abilities, and made everyone get along.

That’s why Sim-Lucifer and Sim-Belphie are on a swing set together, they’re friends :D

“Hey Luke do you think you can make this?” “I-is that a cake shaped like a hamburger?” “Yes. Please make.”

He took one look at the cooking options and decided to max out his Sim’s cooking skill to unlock all the options.

Beel proceeded to drool all over his keyboard. Gross...

Boy howdy did he have some crazy dinner suggestions!

Overall, very wholesome Sim-life, except for the time Sim-Levi died because the toilet caught fire, don’t worry, Sim-Beel knows how to make ambrosia.

All is good in the Sim save...

...until Sim-Beel ate pufferfish nigiri and fuckin died-

Wait Did I Not Pause- (Belphie)

Huh, this game looks fine... I’ll play for a little- *SNORE*

Belphie makes some sims, plops them into a starter home, plays for an hour, then falls asleep.

He wakes up five hours later to absolute carnage.

Three sims have died because someone decided to make Mac and Cheese and the oven caught fire, the kids were taken away by social services, and the dog ran away.

“...heheh, holy shit everyone look.”

He doesn’t play often, but when he does, death occurs. He has found out every death method for every game from Sims 2 to 4.

And that INCLUDES the Sims Medieval! You guys remember that game?

Sometimes it’s not intentional, but Belphie got bored with the totally normal life his sims were living and decided to spice it up.

“Why are the ghosts breaking my showers..?”

Help There’s a Bug- (Diavolo)

The Crown Prince started playing when he noticed Lucifer was playing it.

He was immediately obsessed.

Dia mostly plays the Sims Medieval because he likes the feeling of achievement after completing a quest!

“Barbatos... why isn’t my Sim completing their task? The icon won’t show up.” “My lord it appears the game is bugged.” “:(“

No one thought to tell Diavolo that EA doesn’t plan on offering bug support to a game made in like... 2009

This doesn’t matter! Look at how great his kingdom is doing- oh no his hero has the plague-

He plays through the Pirates and Nobles expansion and manages to get the peaceful ending, he’s so proud of himself.

“MC! Look! My Monarch’s sword is permanently on fire and I’m fighting an evil wizard!”

When he does play the other Sims games he’s pretty basic, though, he does a great job at furnishing!

Dia gets crazy sad when his Sims die... he turns off aging.

Builder no. 2 (Barbatos)

Barbie doesn’t have time for this... but when he does, he builds.

No create a sim.

No playing the game as intended.

Just builds.

It’s relaxing, okay? A nice little suburban house he’s never going to play in, maybe a treehouse, maybe a big Hollywood Mansion...

The only time he actually plays the game outside of build mode is when someone needs his help to fix something in-game.

He does download custom content build items if he feels bored by the current selection.

Oh Crap What Am I Doing?! (Simeon)

Help him. Please.

He’s so confused.

“Luke, why is my sim upset?” “He’s hungry, Simeon.” “Oh, how do I fix that?” “...Simeon-”

There’s a toilet in the middle of the living room.

The fridge is facing the wall.

There’s no bathtub or shower.

The house is on fire- there is no god- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Okay, once he gets the hang of it he’s sitting pretty. His sims have good jobs, the kids are getting good grades, everything’s fine.

...

But Simeon won’t forget the nightmares.

What Even is This Save? (Solomon)

Solomon’s save is the definition of chaos.

One sim’s a vampire, the other is a spellcaster that really wants to fight the Callientes for some reason, there’s one normal sim that’s always sick for some reason,

It gets weird, confusing, and horrible.

Just how Solomon likes it.

His house makes no sense, like, what even is architecture?

Money cheats are needed because Solomon‘a goal of chaos and confusion is proving to be kind of expensive.

Square up Mortimer Goth, Solomon’s sims are here to steal your weird knight statue that’s worth a shit ton of simoleons for NO REASON.

He joined the scientist career for the sole purpose of getting to the alien planet and kidnapping adding an alien to the household via cheats.

The vampire ended up dying on their wedding day because Solomon forgot that he gave them the sun weakness.

Oh well, the ghost got added to the household! VAMPIRE GHOST!

The Child (Luke)

Before you say Luke’s too young to play the Sims, you should know that I was nine when I first started playing, and I turned out fiiiiiiiiiine.

He’s just happy to be playing.

Look, his sims are gardening :D

Look, two of them are getting married :D

Look, they had a baby :D

Look, his sims are building a rocket ship :D

Look, his sims’s rocket just crashed-

The concept of death hit the little angel right in the face that day.

“*sniffle*... my sims...”

Don’t worry, with tears in his eyes, Luke quit without saving and everything was fine!

Speaking of My Sims, Luke played MySims Sky Heroes and that was when Luke had his first bout of gamer rage.

MC came over to hang out with Solomon and Simeon, and in the distance they could just hear:

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY TIME WASN’T FAST ENOUGH TO CONTINUE THE STORY!? I’LL SHOW YOU FAST ENOUGH TIME!”

Okay, maybe Simeon should take the game away... just for a bit... he should take heed not to be bitten by the incredibly angry chihuahua.

Bonus:

MC: Why are our Sims married?

*Insert Boy Here*: Uh... that’s weird... I have no clue why they’re doing that...

[myonepiece]

Hello!! Real quick I just wanna say if you’ve sent a request and I haven’t done it yet, I’m still working on it I promise :) I just got a lot more requests than I expected so I have a bunch in my drafts, they’ll be out soon though! Thank you~~ <3

Katakuri, Killer, Mihawk, Luffy headcanon- Fluff headcanons

•~•~•~•~

Warnings: none

Katakuri

•Okay so just loves when you hold his hand, like you can only hold one of his fingers but he finds that so adorable. And when you jump up to try to grab his hand, he just bends down and scoops you up in his arms

•Omg I had this vision, bare with me; So it’s the first night katakuri’s sleeping without covering his mouth. He’s still awake and you’re sleeping on his chest then he feels you move around and you reach your hand up and it cups his cheek. He gets super scared and is about to move your hand but then you scoot up a little and place the tiniest lightest softest kiss on his mouth and he MELTS. Now it’s a normal thing you do while you’re cuddling and everytime he just turns red and is ready to propose right then and there

•When he comes home late after a bad day and you’re still waiting up for him so you can go to sleep together, he scolds you but he feels so bad about scolding you because he does the same thing for you and he feels so happy and in love.

•He buys you little gifts like jewelry and/or plushies but they all have something to do with sweets esp. donuts because he hopes they’ll remind you of him while he’s gone. One time he came home after being away for awhile and you were cuddling with this giant donut plush he had found and he just sat on the floor next to you admiring you and blushing briiiiight red.

•He loves when you trace his muscles- when your sitting on his lap and you trace his chest under his vest he MEEEELTS. And when you do it while he’s working and you think he’s not watching, he totally is but he looks away as soon as you look up at him. He just watched you with the softest dorkiest smile under his scarf.

•Kinda had a fangirl moment here sorry

Killer

•Farther into the relationship when you’re really close, he likes to take baths because you always wash his hair and it’s just so soothing and makes him feel so happy and loved. In the bath he either has you sit between his legs and he hugs you to his chest or he lays his head on your chest *squeals*

•Sometimes you trace the scars on his arm, and at first he was really insecure and thought you were judging him, but you explained that you like them and it’s fun to trace them. It makes him feel so much better when your eyes light up when he lets you trace them

•He’s always ready to cuddle or hold you in any way. You’ll come prancing down the hall and he’ll just open his arms because he knows exactly what you want. He likes when you play with his goatee

•He stays with you the whole time you’re in a town, or generally just around other people. He holds your hand or keeps and arm around your shoulder, or he also likes when you hold onto his arm. He’ll also carry you on his back or shoulders. Omg and just imagine you get tired while exploring a new village with the crew and Killer picks you up so that you wrap your legs around his torso and he keeps a hand under your butt holding you up while he holds you closer with his other arm ;-; I just can’t with this beautiful man

•Bakes with you 100% you bake cookies and cakes and pies together that the Kid pirates devour in like 15 minutes. You start messing with him and end up getting ingredients everywhere. Once Killer let a chuckle slip and he could’ve sworn you had a nosebleed and your eyes turned to hearts.

Mihawk

•So everytime you go with him on his boat, he keeps you on his lap and he just feel so powerful like that. Sometimes you’ll sit by his feet or lay there looking like a goddess and he feel manlyyyyy. World’s greatest swordsman x1000

• He’ll buy you flowers and gifts everytime he leaves the island. He’s really good at picking out jewelry for you and he totally buys you matching jewelery. Everytime he comes home he brings a bouquet of flowers for you, imagine you hear him walk through the door and you run down the hallway where he’s waiting for you at the end then you jo into his arms and he catches you with one arm and kisses your forehead then puts you down and hands you the bouquet ;-;

•Some late nights he’ll take you and sit by the fireplace with you in his lap, or you’ll lay with each other by a window where the moonlight shines in. He also likes taking you on late night walks where you just hold hands and talk about your day, or he’ll tell you stories of his adventures.

•He likes to cook with you. I mean he likes cooking for you too, but he has so much fun when the two of you cook together. Your more energetic personality makes him laugh and it brings out a more visibly happy side of him, but he ONLY shows that around you. Imagine baking with him and you smudge flour on his face and he gives you his death glare but then he breaks into a laugh and smears flour back on you end you both end up with flour all over your clothes and the floor but Mihawks grinning so wide and it’s gorgeous

Luffy

•Literally clings to you. Like a monkey. His cuddles are more clinging than cuddling. He’ll wrap his arms and legs around you multiple times and you’ll have to walk everywhere with him hanging onto you. Even when you just sitting you’ll have to be looking over Luffy’s shoulder or you won’t be able to see anything. Squishes his cheek against your cheek ;-; LOVES when you tackle him in hugs and kisses, and when you run up and latch onto him before he can get to you first. Having you be the first to cling onto him makes him so happy and yes he does blush with heart eyes

•He likes to take baths with you. Splash fight always happen and you makes bubble beards on each other. In a more calm mood he’ll hug you to his chest and rest his chin on top of your head, or he’ll nuzzle his head into the crook of your neck

•Kisses, anytime, anywhere. He’ll run onto the deck where you’re hanging out with like Nami and Chopper and Luffy just skips over and plants a huge smooch on your lips then runs away grinning. He’ll call you over to him “Y/N I WANNA KISS” and he doesn’t care who’s there. Nose kisses

•He’ll tell you all of his secrets, like sometimes you’ll be out on the deck of the ship at night and it’s just the two of you clinging to each other, he’ll start telling you stories of his childhood. Hell talk about his dreams and how when he becomes pirate king you’re gonna be the pirate queen

[ablogthatishenceforthmine]

My Favorite Lyrics in Each Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Song: Season 4

Meet Rebecca: “She’s too hard to summarize.”

What’s Your Story: “And then/ When I plead guilty/ Just for like metaphorical symbolism.”

No One Else is Singing My Song: “No one gets/ How alone/ How alone/ How alone/ Only I am.”

Time to Seize the Day: “You/ step out the door/ Then back through the door/ Sit on the floor/ And stare at the floor/ Rock yourself until you feel okay.”

The Cringe: “Because nothing is as scary as what lurks in your past.”

Don’t Be a Lawyer: “No one you work with looks like Ally Mcbeal.”

Our Twisted Fate: “Such is our twisted fate.”

I Want to Be a Child Star: “I wanna sue my parents for emancipation/ After they get caught stealing from me.”

The Group Mind has Decided You’re in Love: “Rebecca, don’t you have bigger problems going on right now?/ Yes, and this is a welcome distraction/ Now, you might say we just need a distraction.”

I Always Never Believed in You: “Allow me to tip my hat to you sir/ Cause you’re no longer a total loser.”

Trapped in a Car with Someone You Don’t Want to be Trapped in a Car with: “Pina Colada/ That should be a city.”

Farewell, Fair Mustache: “Catching my tears/ And occasionally corn.”

How to Clean Up: “If you see something that’s not where it belongs/ Just pick it up/ And put it where it belongs.”

Forget it: “Moms’ always worrying about what semi-strangers gonna say/ And they’re right, we think about it all day.”

Hello, Nice to Meet You: “But to be fair/ It’s not everyday your doc asks, ‘how did sauce get in there?’”

“What U Missed While U Were Popular: “Now you might find it hard that adulthood gets so real/ While the nerdy kids from high school are like ‘I got this, no big deal.”

Hungry Vagina Metaphor: “Then bring me what I really want!/ A saucer of your milk.”

Itchy Vagina Metaphor: “This feline can’t come out to play.”

Funky Vagina Metaphor: “Funky cat!/ Is all the rage/ When something’s off with your PH.”

Sports Analogies: “Men feel safe with these empty generalities.” 

Hello, Nice To Meet You Reprise 1: “So what if we meet in another time and another place?”

Hello, Nice to Meet You Reprise 2: “Since you’re both the future and kind of a mirror/ I’ll tell you right now that life doesn’t get clearer.”

Gratuitous Karaoke Moment: “The crowd was annoyed/ But now they’re getting on board.”

I Hate Everything But You: “I hate the phrase ‘Love conquers all’/ And I hate that it’s true/ Because I wanna not hate things when i’m with you”

I’m Not Sad, You’re Sad: “Can’t find coke/ So I snort ibuprofen.”

The Darkness: “For so many years, i’ve used the darkness to feel/ But now there are things in my life that are actually real.”

Anti-Depressants Are So Not a Big Deal: “Yes, everyone is special/ That’s usually the sitch/ But when it comes to meds/ You’re such a basic bitch.”

End of the Movie (Reprise): “Because sometimes life decides to be annoying obvious about when it wants you to make a change.”

Real Life Fighting is Awkward: “And if you even had a real weapon/ You’d be freaked out by the weapon/ A weapon makes everything too real.”

Let Me Be In Your Show: “Just like everyone knows/ No need to assume or suppose.”

Etta Mae’s Lament: “Cause there are only two types of women/ Me and virgins you commit to.”

The Tick Tock Clock: “Tickety tock goes the tick tock clock/ Tickety tockety clickity clockity.”

I’m The Bride of the Pirate King: “If I die at his hand, It won’t be a surprise/ Cause my love for the pirate king is true and pure and wise.”

Apple Man: “I’ll never be caught chomping on a kumquat/ Tell that to your friend Susannah.”

What’ll It Be? (Reprise): “We’ll it took me two years to shake off my fears/ And see that the problem was me.”

The Math of Love Quadrangles: “After so much growth, she’s still stuck between men.”

Slow Motion: “Put on sunglasses/ Take off the sunglasses/ And just hold them I guess.”

Slow Motion (Reprise): “Maybe they think we’re in a sexy cult/ or flight attendants for five different airlines.”

JAP Battle (Reprise): “Just like I hated you/ But now I kinda like you/ This song’s another thing I can see two sides to.”

Love’s Not a Game: “I just talked to Jesus and he said that it’s cool.”

There’s No Bathroom: “Please don’t poop in my balloon!”

Love’s Not a Game (Reprise): “In order for a victory/ Someone else must lose.”

Eleven O’Clock: “I’ve done the workbooks/ Taken the pills/ What more could I do?/ How do I still not know myself after all that i’ve been through?”

West Covina (Final Reprise): “You’re remarkable!”

[black-rose-writings]

Reading Siege and Storm because I hate myself

To begin, I’d like to state that this is my first read-through and I only have vague idea of the plot I’ve gathered from fanfics and tumblr posts.

Long post ahead

Chapter 1

So... at first I was like - huh, this isn’t as bad as I thought, but the moment Alina gets introspective, it all goes to hell.

Like, she’s being physically made sick by not using her powers, which is making her feel useless - like, she says, pretty much verbatim: “The only thing I was ever good at was being a Sun Summoner and I’m not that anymore.”

I’m gonna beat those paragraphs over the head of anyone, who says Alina got a good ending.

I’ve also noticed just how often the like “I pushed that thought away” is used and more often than not, it’s used on thoughts that should probably not be pushed away.

Ah, yes, here he comes, my boy Darkles, being the dramatic bitch he always is. We get it, you’re the hot villain, tempting the good and pure heroine away from being good and pure.

And I’m just now realizing how many times in this chapter has Alina lamented their lack of privacy. We have to ensure the reader doesn’t hink she’s *gasp* sleeping with Mal.

Chapter 2

What?

Alina is tripping balls while being put under by a Heartrender, got it.

Darkling is being the voice of reason, but I’m getting the distinct feeling it won’t last.

Ivan gets one point, because Alina is in fact a traitor, but he’s also being a cunt, so it doesn’t really count.

Alina at Sturmhond: Do you even care about Ravka?

Me at Alina: Do you?

Chapter 3

“Mermaids are not real”. I’m pretty sure they are in the Grishaverse.

My boy Darkles is still making sense, but Alina is dedicated to being against him just for the hell of it, it seems.

Did this bitch just throw a tantrum, because he told her, what we can assume is the truth? Okay. Like, I get that she’s at best 18, but still. Not exactly the type of protagonist whose head I like being in.

And in that moment, dozens of smut fics were born.

Chapter 4

Wow, that was quick.

Aaand. What had just happened?

Chapter 5

Sturmhond is a funny bitch, I’ll give him that.

And this entire conversation, it seems like Mal’s entire purpose is to stand behind Alina threateningly and repeat what she said, lol.

I’d like to remind Alina (and LB) that a king in an absolutist monarchy (which is what Ravka appears to be) is very much a tyrant. Don’t make it sound like Ravka didn’t have a tyrant before. And at the very least, my boy Darkles seems pretty competent.

A man calling himself a Storm Dog likes dogs. No shit.

Chapter 6

I hate Mal. Dude, this is your girlfriend, maybe like... listen to her? Don’t bludgeon her with the one other guy she was kinda-sorta with, when you are a well known manwhore?

I don’t know man, I don’t like him.

Everyone: You can’t have more than one amplifier, it’s dangerous.

Alina: Haha, sparkles go brrrr

Chapter 7

In other news, pirates are funny.

Holy shit, they have a plane.

That was... a lot. And we’re crossing the Fold again, yay.

Chapter 8

You feel bad for the Volcra but not for the people you’ve left for dead in the Fold last time? Okay.

Baby Volcra. Am I supposed to say “ew” or “aww”? If I tried doing both at the same time, it would probably sound like one.

Jesus fucking Christ this book is a ride.

Did Alina really just have an “oh no, he’s hot?” moment? *sighs*

Puppy boy has a title longer than Daenerys, jesus.

Alina, my dear, you could have waited for a bit before doing that. There’s like thirty soldier with guns around you and you’ve just punched a prince.

Then again, you’ve never been smart, have you?

Chapter 9

For once, I completely agree with him. I know you two have lost your one shared braincell on that first crossing of the Fold but still, that was very dumb of you, Alina.

I’m starting to get why people were calling Nikolai “Darkling light”. Definitelly seems appropriate.

Mal, calm the fuck down, that was the least romantic proposal I’ve ever heard and you know it.

You two didn’t even let Alina get a word in for the last page. What right do you have to her, Mal, huh? Nikolai is making sense and you’re being an idiot.

What’s your deal Mal? What the fuck do you want?

And why in the hell are you the endgame love interest?

That’s an awful lot of guilt-tripping you’re doing there, Mal. No need to be pissy about it.

Chapter 10

The bones thing is definitelly yikes.

Saints, Mal, are you on your period or something? Alina doesn’t belong to you. Alina can make her own choices. Get a grip.

“You think I’m like the Darkling?” Yes. The Darkling isn’t all bad. You’re at war. No need to get your panties in a twist over a few fingers.

Oh, look, Alina has a cult now, nice.

Chapter 11

Your “dad” is a rapist, Nikolai. Quite possibly a pedo. He got exactly what he deserved.

I’d go for the second option. Especially after that stunt. Jesus, you could have asked her beforehand.

At least Darkles had the decency to make out with her in private.

Also like... why is every single person in this series so far an asshole?

Chapter 12

We meet the King again, unfortunately.

Alina gets Darkles’s old job.

This should be a total disaster, but let’s see where it goes anyway.

Chapter 13

Alina’s nuts, yay.

(I know they have a Force-bond-thingy. I also know they did it before Reylo did.)

Chapter 14

Oh boy, Alina’s not doing as bad as I thought.

For the 100th time in this book, I wish I had Nikolai’s confidence. Though it is getting a bit too much.

Puppy boy is dropping some truth bombs. Nice.

But he doesn’t realize that my boy Darkles has very good reasons to not align with Fjerdans - a) they think he’s a demon and b) they want Grisha dead.

I’m not gonna say she was, but like... the monarchy is very much corrupt.

Oh, boy, Baghra. This one’s gonna go well.

Yep, Baghra’s as pleasant as ever.

So... Baghra’s plan in book 1 really had been to just have Alina run away and hope for the best? Jesus Christ, lady. I’m not saying she deserved to have her eyes taken away, but she is definitelly a trash person and I’m not surprised her son turned out the way he did.

Also, I’m fairly certain that Baghra is literally slowly killing herself - that the reason she looks so old and frail is because she’s started to supress her power and it’s literally killing her, because, you know, she’s bonkers old.

Chapter 15

Nerd Alina > Self-pitying Alina

Also, I’m just saying, Alina comments on Zoya being attractive a whole lot - I get that she’s meant to be insecure, but I’m interpreting it as her being gay, because I need some happiness in my life, okay?

Just kill the sleazy old Rasputin-wanna-be. There’s plenty of them to go around in this series.

Chapter 16

Vasily takes after his father in creep factor.

Why not the Darkling being courted by a horny prince? Be a bit creative.

Chapter 17

Nikolai has big ADHD energy and I love him for it. Fits right in with the heavily autism-coded Fabricators.

*sighs at heteronormativity again*

*sighs at improper gendering of titles*

Date night with Mal. This is gonna be a disaster, isn’t it?

Chapter 18

Fun night of cultural appropriation, yay.

I hate cultists.

LET. ALINA. GO. FERAL. Please.

You two are going to give me a headache, I swear.

Darkles cockblocking Alina. And Malice threw a tantrum. Nice.

Chapter 19

You’re way too harsh on Genya, Alina.

Horny Alina rights.

They have a laser, now. Cool. Or, well, enormously hot.

Mal is being a drunk a-hole. Great. When does he become likable? Does he ever?

Banter between Mal and Alina? Kinda weird, always somehow comes back to either of them being insecure.

Banter between Alina and Nikolai? I’m all for it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a Darklina trash, but like... Nikolai is fun. I could see him and Alina having an arranged political marriage and ending up falling in love years into it, that’s all I’m saying.

Chapter 20

Just let this one go, Alina, please. You two are not working out. Please, end it with him. You’ll both probably be happier. (I’m saying this with the full knowledge that Malina is endgame).

Jesus Alina, get your shit together. You have every right to be mad, because you two didn’t actually break up, you didn’t kiss Nikolai and also, I don’t like Mal.

Sooo... when is Alina going to realize her manchild of a boyfriend is an amplifier?

Chapter 21

Alina has the horny sickness, lol.

Jesus Christ, girl, I don’t want to read your vaguely suicidal thoughts.

Mal, you fucking idiot.

Alina, stop defending Mal.

Chapter 22

Alina has a logical thought? Impossible.

Finally, some action.

Chapter 23

Oh, boi, this is going great.

Oh, boi, Alina’s having another martyr moment.

And, we’re done.

Finally.

That was a ride. Nothing really happens for like ten chapters and then everything happens in one and a half.

[illegiblewords]

ILLEGIBLE’S TOTALLY SUBJECTIVE FAVORITE EORZEA COLLECTION DESIGNS: MALE

I’ve mentioned in the past, the main thing that made me start playing FFXIV properly was seeing people’s character designs. I’m still honestly blown away by the creativity and range of approaches people bring to this game, so I’ve decided to be an absolute madwoman and break my favorites into subcategories to share with anyone curious.

And to be clear. I’m not going to do something so broad as “oh top ten in-general :3″ because that would be sensible. No, I’m going to do it for all the current combat jobs. And all the current races. And different genders within the races and combat jobs as things stand. And I’m going to make a model-focus subcategory. And there are gonna be LOTS. Because I seriously cannot understate how inspired I’ve been by this community, and after however many years I just feel the need to vomit some incredible visuals I’ve encountered at you guys lol.

NOTE: In an abundance of caution, I want to stress this list isn’t a value judgment on anyone but a fragment of things that blew me personally away. Looking at the DRK sections it will be immediately clear that I Illegible really like that edgy dark knight aesthetic lmao, but there are plenty of non-edgy dark knights that I also love to bits. Other people might not like edgy dark knights. Due to a combination of size and search constraints plus trying to keep gear somewhat varied, these glamours are just what wound up on this particular list of mine. I could make another list one day. Other people can make lists too that are totally different.

Also, I was originally going to make a single post that went over male and female options presented in the character creator but straight up tumblr wouldn’t let me save because it got too big. You can see the female character post here.

And without further ado, let us begin.

COMBAT JOB GLAMOURS

PALADIN

- A Sinner’s Call by Skollhati Wolfhead

- Divine Judgment by Seth Alexander

- Chevalier by Avenaux Dzemael

- Holy Blade of the Goddesses by Lys Aludra 

- Metal Against the Clouds by Leon Aquitaine

- Spiky Paladin by Hunty Tohsaka

- Ishgardian Nightwatch by Leon Aquitaine

- The Centurion by Kaien Shimazu 

- Veteran Knight by Jax Shadowbane

- Archadian Magister: Chaos, Walker of the Wheel by Callum Crossy

WARRIOR

- Coerthan Berserker by Xennon Song

- Skullrender by Xennon Song

- Red Maw by Remearus Maes

- Mistbeard’s Guardian by Galandor Atreides

- Ash Fender by Keiteaux Kisarre

- Wandering Beast by Jax Shadowbane

- Battle Worn by Lyrus Omega 

- At The End Of All Things by Leon Aquitaine

- Demon Warrior by Ravian Ild

- Chieftain by Topher Kyo 

DARK KNIGHT

- The Deepshadow by Erin Arckanger

- Nightmare of the Paragons by Papa Cool'down

- The Oathkeeper by Dividus Yliaster

- Deus Knight by Dan Var

- Rage Awakened Final Mix by Fortnite Ninja

- Bale by Xennon Song

- Vampire Baron Knight by Lud Wachtel

- Gothic Souls by Krosah Makara

- Lunarian Knight by Xennon Song

- The Descendent of Ascians by Skyion Skytiel

GUNBREAKER

- Soot-Scaled Striker by Callum Crossy

- Unbound Hecatonchires by Callum Crossy

- The Lone Gunbreaker by Sir Owl

- Alliance Commander by Nova Kie

- Gunblade of the Lost by Ludin Hreitharr

- The Filibreaker by Atticus Averbach

- Neo-Skallic Guardian by Leon Aquitaine

- A bulwark in brass and steam by Filibert Lilibert 

- Plains Tribe Rite of Passage by Filibert Lilibert 

- Spaceage cowboy by Phon Fawn

DRAGOON

- A Slumbering God’s Herald by Lud Wachtel 

- The Elder Primals - Neath Dark Waters by Cassius Toledo

- The Occupied Drow City of Skalla by Leon Aquitaine

- Dravanian Viking by Sarafina Vadre

- The Wolf by J'roric Citlalloh

- Tribal Hrothgar Dragoon by Noxelus Virmire

- whitewind by Chiceneaux Selechant

- Edensguard by Kyo Ise

- Dragonblood Knight by Sylvaire Catrevaut

- Mercenary in Mixed Metals by Filibert Lilibert 

SAMURAI

- The Dragon of Doma by Ky Tanimura

- Shadow of the Shifting Sands by Dai Tachibana

- Homura by Remearus Maes

- Monster Slayer by Kaien Shimazu

- Good Hunting by Remearus Maes

- Jury by Remearus Maes

- Ronin of the Steppe by Remearus Maes

- Dominicus Secutor by Remearus Maes

- Warg Samu by Fena Mizu

- White Dragon by The Solideizer

NINJA

- Armored Ninja by Ludger Magniar

- Desert Scar by Magnus Wolfwood

- Righteous Assassin by Lys Aludra

- Classic Shinobi Traditional Ninja Garb by Mog Champ

- White Dragon by King Resh

- Deadly Emissary by Lys Aludra

- night’s blessed by Chiceneaux Selechant

- Umbral Blade by Arik Nergui

- Ascianssin by Dragoon Scythe

- Wolf of Twelveswood by Punch Mage

MONK

- Fists of the Sun by Alois Lefleur

- Inner Beast by T'yan Ardeo

- Vathliege Samurai by Austen Bloodspatter

- Ala Mhigan Monk by D'jango Dojango

- Bozjan Brawler by Sahl Suh

- Liberator by Thriced Talon

- Flightless Hawk by Remearus Maes

- Firebrand by Lys Aludra

- Debugging in Process by Uskhal Dalamiq

- Falling Eagle by Feather Relanah

BARD

- Reaper-Inspired Bard by Flower Blossom

- Purest arrow by Lys Aludra

- Hunter of Lost Souls by Sahl Suh

- Bloodsinger by Lys Aludra

- Wanderer of the Past by Nyuki Dewinter

- Maelstrom Song by J'roric Citlalloh

- Sand Hunter by R'yo Aderyd

- Tactical Automaton by Lys Aludra

- Ballads of Azim Steppe by T'yan Ardeo

- Violet Archer by T'yan Ardeo

DANCER

- Flying Guillotine by Punch Mage

- Shadowed Step by Callum Crossy

- Rift Crusader by Onuki Saiga

- Prince Ali by Leisha Aysheen

- Battle Dancer by Ray Stormbringer

- Paglth’an Dancer by Vib'e Cheque

- Waterfall Adagio by T'yan Ardeo

- Memories of a Silhouette by Damien Cavalier 

- Midnight Mint by Violet Wooden

- The Dancing Plague by Geraltus D'doritus

MACHINIST

- Fran - Chase by Goelia Sarantia

- Gunslinger by Lys Aludra

- Well-Stocked Sky Pirate by Sari Mogari

- Bozjan Ops by Ilium Lavendeer

- Wild Western Demon Hunter by Mori Sumire

- High Class, High Seas by Yannick Ostheimer

- Onmyo Bullet by Uskhal Dalamiq

- The Wanderer by Dividus Yliaster

- Wildfire by Lys Aludra

- Intrepid Expeditioner by Brazen Elk

BLACK MAGE

- Bohemian Mage by Darmoreaux Lestrange

-  Bonewicca Cultist by Baruk Twinfang

- Chosen of Thal by Jophrey Lethe

- Abyssal Wizard by Jarvis Brakkenwork

- Summer Augurer by Uskhal Dalamiq

- the dark wizard by Eldar Claymore

- Masque of the Red Death by Junius Naenia

- Desert Cultist by Mayo Takoyaki

- Herald of the Zodiac - Geminis by Leisha Aysheen

- Herald of the Zodiac - Aries by Leisha Aysheen

SUMMONER

- Desert Emperor by Nilla Balthasva

- Arch Demon Summoner by Demnoc Crohn

- Verbatim by Twitch Prime

- Shinshoku by Callum Crossy

- The Fool by Bruno Brecher

- The Wandering Mage by Camilla Croft 

- Gilded Evoker by Zionek Aurum

- Ensorceled Evoker by Haereidin Doeszwynsyn

- Dusk Groom by J'roric Citlalloh

- Deepwood wanderer by Lys Aludra

RED MAGE

- Vagabond Prince by Falion D'erenian

- Ronkan Cultist by J'roric Citlalloh

- Desert Scout by Frahn Loxner'et

- The Goblin King by Leon Aquitaine

- Summoned Guardian by Leon Aquitaine

- Eastern Red Mage by Red Grande

- Royal Rose by Zanel Slayer 

- dual wielding swords by Kiraster Alroumi

- Steampunk Red Mage by Ry Tempester

- Reiterpallasch Hunter by J'roric Citlalloh

- Stroll in the snow by Riv'ir Gwyn

WHITE MAGE

- Winter Druid by Uskhal Dalamiq

- Herald of the Light by Kazek Amilia

- Desert White Mage by Iosen Juan

- Menphina’s Beloved by Puk'a Sweetfellow

- The Ill-fated Doctor by Charybdis K'reon

- The Doc by Denmo Mcstronghuge

- Minion Masquerade- Anima by Aetherflow Media

- cold front by Chiceneaux Selechant

- Secret Keeper by Feather Relanah

- Forest Mage by Sylviel Terrechant

SCHOLAR

- Studium Provost by Uskhal Dalamiq

- Field Medic by Seyo Senpai

- Stayin Classy Highlander Scholar by Aetherflow Media

- Writer of Fates by Olli Cannoli

- Secret of Nym by Nicky Tilmit

- Scholar of the Wilds by Sohk'yon Ayhan

- The First Cartographer by Edeon Vails

- Warg Sage by Ricola Tesla

- Dark Eastern Healer by Teru Nashira

- Sad Angel by Liam Gray

ASTROLOGIAN

- Jewel in the Sands by Vosric Oros

- Oracle of the East by Zyrus Highwind

- Golden Sun by Jarvis Brakkenwork

- Dalamiq Seer by Uskhal Dalamiq

- Misfortune Teller by Sahl Suh

- The Red Card by Yujin Seo

- Forgiven Soothsayer by Mongoose Mandolin

- Catharsis by Edeon Vails

- Proud Wave by Khurt Wagner

- Alpha Reticulii by R'yo Aderyd

BLUE MAGE

- King by Ray Fontelon

- Imposter Red Mage by Jarvis Brakkenwork

- Le Cirque Du Rosier by Callum Crossy

- Cobalt Enchanter by Tyo'li Wolndara

- Blubomb by Frahn Loxner'et 

RACE GLAMOUR SPILLOVER

HYUR MIDANDER

- Faraam by Remearus Maes

- Gate Keeper by Remearus Maes

- The Guardian by Kizake Hayashi

- Mistbeard by Remearus Maes

- Blood Hunter by Lys Aludra

- Jiangshi by Dezel Windriders

- Alliance Salvager by Remearus Maes

- Edengrace Conqueror by Lys Aludra

- Bozjan Rampage by Xennon Song

- Northern Banneret by Lys Aludra

FAVORITE MODELS:

- Fists of the Sun by Alois Lefleur

- Ronin of the Steppe by Remearus Maes

- Armored Ninja by Ludger Magniar

- Vagabond Prince by Falion D'erenian

- Bloodsinger by Lys Aludra

HYUR HIGHLANDER

- From Darkness Comes Light by Niran Ashbel

- Black Wolf by Night Mazino

- Murderous School Bus by Night Mazino

- Desperado Breaker by Julies Solomon

- WW2 Pilot by Orillion Aldoreel

- Demon Hunter by Duffy Gelatoni

- Maelstrom Duelist by Roscoe Rackham

- Black Dragon by Lophen Leif 

- Weathered Wanderer by Goro Yamaguchi

- Ravager by Night Mazino

FAVORITE MODELS:

- Jewel in the Sands by Vosric Oros

- Murderous School Bus by Night Mazino

- Desert White Mage by Iosen Juan

- Stayin Classy Highlander Scholar by Aetherflow Media

- Dravanian Viking by Sarafina Vadre

ELEZEN

- Lost Thief by Kaunoet Tyshatont

- Princely Protector by Liam Gray

- Cold Mornings, Warm Hearts by Leon Aquitaine

- I don’t know what a swash is but I’m buckling it by Raythe Ondore

- Peregrine by Yannick Ostheimer

- Obsidian and Blood by Leon Aquitaine

- Obsidian Gold by Arius Althea 

- Purple Mage by Kaunoet Tyshatont

- Lord Archer by Mori Sumire

- Angel of Temperance by Agana Belea

FAVORITE MODELS:

- cold front by Chiceneaux Selechant

- Angel of Temperance by Agana Belea

- Lost Thief by Kaunoet Tyshatont

- Oracle of the East by Zyrus Highwind

- Ishgardian Nightwatch by Leon Aquitaine

LALAFELL

- Berserker by Munchkin Doofus

- Crimson Dragoon by Janaan Fabre

- Tiny Fist by Barca Ul'nanaca

- Chimera Dragoon by Janaan Fabre

- Royal n’ Loyal by Janaan Fabre

- Manor Estoqueur by Lia Tales

- Stargazer by Ikki Kohi

- Hazardous Caster by Astrancea Quasar'ae

- White Wolf Healer by Pickle Nibbler

- Bard of the Forest by Ryker Nightingale

FAVORITE MODELS:

- Stargazer by Ikki Kohi

- White Wolf Healer by Pickle Nibbler

- Well-Stocked Sky Pirate by Sari Mogari

- Tiny Fist by Barca Ul'nanaca

- Plains Tribe Rite of Passage by Filibert Lilibert

MIQO’TE

- Fran - Be Quiet by Goelia Sarantia

- The Assassin by Akira Tia

- Warrior of the Sands by U'zolwe Tia

- The Silencer by Grayson Foxworthy

-  nemesis by M'rhene Tia

- Caecius by Callum Crossy

- The Imperial by Rein Drops

- Storm Duelist by K'aihx Nianh

- Cyber Mage by L'unick Tia

- T-53M: Omega by Lib'ra Jarilo

FAVORITE MODELS:

- Fran - Be Quiet by Goelia Sarantia

- Ala Mhigan Monk by D'jango Dojango

- Cobalt Enchanter by Tyo'li Wolndara

- Edensguard by Kyo Ise

- Maelstrom Song by J'roric Citlalloh

ROEGADYN

- Sin Eater Forgiven Wrath by Arkhon Dullgaroth

- Platebreaker by Biggus Dickkus

- Berzerker Warrior by Cata Clysm

- Dravanian Shadow Knight by Galandor Atreides

- Santa Claus by Aetherflow Media

- Knight of the East by Galandor Atreides

- Roegadyn Samurai by Raiden Hagane

- The Real Barbarian by Milla Lariswind

- The Discipulus by Haereidin Doeszwynsyn

- Cactpot Crackpot by Kaemin Moore

FAVORITE MODELS:

- Knight of the East by Galandor Atreides

- Flying Guillotine by Punch Mage

- The Fool by Bruno Brecher

- Battle Claus by Bard Bro

- The Real Barbarian by Milla Lariswind

AU RA

- Fatewalker by Kaien Shimazu

- Combat Casual by Arik Nergui

- Suzaku’s Champion by Uskhal Dalamiq 

- Herald of the Zodiac - Taurus by Leisha Aysheen

- The Anti-Paladin by Bastion Blackwater

- Zero by Ace Valstra'liah

- Elegant Duelist by Yoni Neel

- Herald of the Zodiac - Pisces by Leisha Aysheen

- Valkyrie by Rogan Hunter

- Devout of the Sun by Uskhal Dalamiq

FAVORITE MODELS:

- Herald of the Zodiac - Pisces by Leisha Aysheen

- Combat Casual by Arik Nergui

- Samurai of Alexander by Ky Tanimura

- Winter Druid by Uskhal Dalamiq

- Herald of the Zodiac - Geminis by Leisha Aysheen

HROTHGAR

- Snowfall by Ese Pajic

- Heavy by Radio Jackun 

- Defender of the Forest by Hana Kagura

- Risen Dynasty by Zeth Xerval

- Forgiven Pride by Yoshi Pendragon

- Queen’s Guard by Sahl Suh

- Lord of Umbral Pyre by Stahlhart Vahn'reiz

- Jade Maw by Shin Okusawa

- Einherjar by Baruk Twinfang

- The Exorcist by Haereidin Doeszwynsyn

FAVORITE MODELS:

- Heavy by Radio Jackun

- Tribal Hrothgar Dragoon by Noxelus Virmire

- Gunblade of the Lost by Ludin Hreitharr

- Desert Scar by Magnus Wolfwood

- Risen Dynasty by Zeth Xerval

[deeranger]

Fic Writer Questions!

@oddsocksandstuff tagged me in this, thank you so much, sweetie!  ❤️

 1) How many works do you have on AO3? I’ve got 40 so far (of which 25 are SPN fics). There’s more to come! 

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 486,667, apparently. That tells me each of my fics has an average wordcount of 12,166.675… Seems about right. I was never any good at keeping things short.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Uhh… On AO3 I’ve written for Supernatural, Supernatural RPF, X-men (Cherik) and McFassy (James McAvoy/Michael Fassbender). But I’ve written a lot when I was younger that has never made it online, including NCIS, Pirates of the Caribbean, and lots of weird one-shorts starring everyone from Michael J. Fox to Kevin Sorbo from “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys”. 🤨  

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos? “A Lesson to be Taught” – an SPN Wincest pwp fic where a dominant Dean fucks (and spanks) Sam and they discover that Dean apparently has a daddy!kink. Comes with a photo manipulation too! There be dick.    

“Taking Game” – a semi-dark medieval Cherik (Charles Xavier/Erik Lehnsherr from X-men) AU. Basically, Charles is a poacher hunting on king Erik’s land to his great dismay. And so, he’s captured and gets the choice between losing his life or serving the king for a bit… Dubcon and smut ensues.   “Only Like This” – a little SPN Wincest dub-con fic about hopelessly pining Dean doping Sam just so he can touch and kiss his oblivious little brother. It’s okay. Sam won’t remember when he comes to.   “It’s Only Carnal” – A dark SPN Wincest noncon fic where soulless!Sam needs to blow off some steam. And when it comes to carnal activities his brother isn’t exactly a novice – so why not use Dean’s body to make them both feel good?   “Demonized” – a long and dark af SPN noncon fic written in collaboration with the awesome @palishere. Sam is captured by some nasty demons who use him to lure in his brother. At first it seems the demonic scumbags are just really perverted and have a weakness for sexual torture, but they turn out to have ulterior motives…  

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Yes, always. I think it can be a bit demotivating for a reader to leave a comment and get zero response – and so, they might not bother to comment on the next fic. At least, that’s how I feel personally. And besides, I really want to let readers know that I appreciate them taking the time and effort to actually tell me what they think.  

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Oufff… Seriously? How can I possibly pick just one when 99.8 percent of my fics are not only dark af but have gut-wrenching ambiguous endings as well? I, err… I’m gonna have to think really hard about this one, hold on… *Insert buzzing cicada sound*… Uhh… Well, I guess it might be… “Play or Pay” – a dark female!reader-insert Wincest fic where demon!Dean has you and Sam trapped somewhere underground. Sam ends up being on the receiving end of the demon’s cruelty when he tries to save you. Using Dean’s body the demon ends up raping Sam while the reader tries to escape to get help... There’s a little twist in the end. Loads of dead dove here, including death (not Dean or Sam).     “The Orange Hour” – where undercover inmate!Dean has to rape CO!Sam in order to save both of their lives and get them out of the jail in one piece. It doesn’t go completely as planned. (Comes with an nsfw photo manipulation).  “Demonized” – loads of bottom!Sam torture, full of hurt and absolutely no comfort... It’s just… I dunno, I think I and @palishere had a collective meltdown in the noncon and angst department. Sorrynotsorry.      

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written? Nope, I’ve never in my life written a crossover. Usually, I’m too laser-focused on 1 obsession at a time. I can’t multitask, okay?   

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic? Yes, the fandom purity police has visited me on AO3. The usual self-proclaimed know-it-alls vomiting their bullshit all over the comment section about how “problematic” noncon is and how “sick” I must be. I thought about moderating comments for a while, actually – but I just deleted their follow-up comments until they left me alone. 😤

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind? Yes!! Gimme! Usually, I write noncon smut or just good ol’ pwps that feature some sort of dominance. That’s it. That’s my jam. In general, the only smut I don’t write is the cute, fluffy, feel-good, cuddly stuff… My smut’s usually pretty rough and/or some sort of dub/noncon.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes. Someone stole “It’s Only Carnal” and posted it as her own on some Portuguese fanfiction site. She even replied to comments, answered questions and talked about how much she loved writing it, etc… Luckily a sweet mutual on Tumblr let me know about it and I reported her for plagiarism. The stolen fic was taken down shortly after and the account deleted. Goddamn thief. 😡  

12) Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes. Honestly, I can’t remember which fic(s). But people have contacted me on AO3 and asked for permission to translate my stuff into Chinese. I have - of course - happily allowed them to. It’s such an awesome compliment to get, I think!  

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, 2. “Demonized” and the fluffy Ficfacers prompt fic “The Masks We Wear” starring Sam and Dean taking their pranks a step too far. Basically, the brothers get angry with each other and they need to talk it out… No smut in this one, can you believe it?!! But that was kinda the prompt we received. The prompt was literally: “Sam and fluff”. Anyways, both fics are co-written with the lovely @palishere. You can find her AO3 here. 😊

14) What’s your all time favorite ship? Wincest!!! Definitely. Gimme all the brotherfucking, please. No contest. And coming in on second place I guess there’s Samifer – never paired consensually, though. I just love Lucifer messing with Sam’s head and torturing him in all kinds of cruel ways.    

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Oh, that’s a mean question… I have a noncon WIP where Sam and Dean are in prison. I wrote a whole story outline, gathered my own little dictionary of prison slang, etc… But I never made it past page 10 or something. Sam was supposed to get jumped by a gang of inmates and then Dean was supposed to helplessly watch from the sideline, offering to trade places if they’d just leave his little brother alone… And after that it’s all about a mix of healing and vengeance… But the story has been lying on the shelf for more than a year and I doubt I’ll ever continue it. Oh, wait! I almost forgot – I have a long Cherik WIP sequel to “To Have and to Hold”! Just checked, its wordcount is 18,729! Holy crap…. What a waste, huh? But I honestly don’t think I’ll ever finish it, because I’m not into Cherik anymore. That ship has kinda sunk for me…. So, now I’m hyperfixating on Supernatural, yeah?     

16) What are your writing strengths? Description, I think. I just love details and setting the mood. I like to think I’m pretty good at writing in English too even though it isn’t my native language… I wish to be better and expand my vocabulary but I’m doing okay nonetheless.

17) What are your writing weaknesses? Description, I think. Yes, you read correctly. I often describe things TOO much. Sometimes to the extent where the pacing gets so slowed down that I feel like the scene loses its ‘feel’. I don’t know if it’s just in my head, but that’s my major concern about my writing. That and my signature ambiguous endings, lol.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Love it. It can be difficult to pull off, but if you get it right it can be magical. Just don’t overdo it and make sure that the reader can follow. I don’t think I have any fics online where I do it, but I’m not a complete stranger to it either.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for? Ack, my poor brain trying to go back to when I was friggin’ 13… You know how many years ago that was?! 25!!! Okay!? *Huffs*…. Anyway, I THINK it might’ve been Keanu Reeves’ character in “Johnny Mnemonic”. Or maybe David James Elliott’s character as Harmon Rabb in the early seasons of “JAG”. I dunno. Either way this question makes me feel really old and I don’t appreciate it. Don’t @ me. 😅   

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? That’s probably a tie between “The Orange Hour” and “It’s Only Carnal”. They’ve both got nice pacing and that’s my biggest challenge, I think. Also, I love the whole Morse code thing in “The Orange Hour”. I don’t even know what happened or how I came up with it, but hey, I can surprise myself if I want to, I guess! And of course there’s the smutty noncon and all of the hurt… So, those two fics are my personal faves. 😏  

I’ll tag @jackandthesoulmates, @pinkoptics, @palishere, @wrenseroticlibrary, @decadent-prince, @negans-lucille-tblr, @juinae and @impala-dreamer and everyone else who feels like doing it! Feel free to ignore, of course. 

[wolf-zer0]

Ya want some WORLD-BUILDING????

Have some world-building!

*REMINDER* This is based on characters, not real people.  I’m not going to be writing any shipping/smut content, especially involving minors.  Please be respectful of content creators’ boundaries!

The Crystallos Empire (AKA the Antarctic Empire)

Largest the countries (takes up most of the southern half of the map) but agreed to stop expansion after a bloody battle with Valeriana 

Centered on a large snowy mountain in the middle of the tundra 

Mostly stays out of other countries’ business, but will step in as a last resort 

Has some of the most well-known citizens in the world because… they’re pure chaos 

Attack at your own peril 

Has vast deposits of ores and gemstones, and the metalwork from Crystallos (mainly weaponry, armor, and jewelry) is highly sought after 

The only known food export is potatoes.  Wonder why… 

Associated Colors: Royal blue, light blue, crimson, gold 

Aesthetic/Vibes: gothic vibes, white stone and large stain glass windows, not particularly opulent or extravagant but still impressively royal looking, think catholic cathedral but brighter and with less Jesus (can you tell I’m a recovering catholic yet?), spires shooting into the sky that’s visible even during a blizzard, cavernous halls full of sunlight and echoes, snow that can comfort and kill in equal measure

Notable Members:

Philza Minecraft:

Angel

Visible wings look like a harpy eagle

Probably the most powerful person in the world

Didn’t mean to start an empire it kinda just happened

Also didn’t mean to adopt kids but his Dadza alarm went off

Usually kind but will not hesitate to use violence when necessary

Technoblade: 

Is pig.  

With braid.  

At least 8 feet all

Extremely adept fighter, skilled in almost every form of combat.  

Not a people pig, prefers his potato farm to being a prince

Hella protective of his family but will not hesitate to bully when given the opportunity

Wilbur Soot: 

Muse who can influence people through song

Can’t totally control people (yet) but can subtly push them in a certain direction

The public face of the imperial family

Would rather insult than fight but can and will cut a bitch if he needs to

Because inspiration is fickle he’ll have some … strange episodes (see: the Sand Incident)

Tommy Innit: 

Child.  

Chaos incarnate.

Is he human?  Is he not?  No one’s sure yet.  

But he’s a gremlin and a hellion and willing to throw down at any moment.  

Has a surprisingly caring side, but no one outside his immediate circle has ever really seen it.  

The Kingdom of Valeriana (aka Dream SMP)

Oldest of the countries 

Located in the middle of a massive forest at the center of the main continent 

Home of the Fae Courts

Ruled by a single king who is chosen by a tournament held every 100 years 

Known for causing chaos in other countries, but after an Incident with Crystallos they have kept their meddling to annoyances rather than outright declarations of war 

Considered the most magical of all the countries, and traditional enchantments almost all come from Valeriana 

Associated Colors: neon green (duh), bright yellow, forest green, light brown, blood red (more saturated than Crystallos), rose gold 

Aesthetic/Vibes: spooky art nouveau (idk what else to call it), lots of plants and nature but with an edge of danger, poison gardens and carnivorous plants, hedge mazes that lead everywhere and nowhere, laughter deep in the forest, deer with eyes just a hair too human, Alice in Wonderland on steroids 

Notable Members: 

Dream: 

Current king of the Fae

As long as he’s touching the ground, he knows where everything and everyone is

Can terraform

Unlimited in the boundaries of his kingdom

Much more limited outside of his realm

No one has ever seen what he really looks like, even before he took the throne

Since people outside the kingdom don’t know who he is, he’ll wander the outside world and challenge random people to fights

Never says what happens to the losers

Only one person has ever beaten him: Technoblade

He might have a lil obsession around Techno, but it’s fine.  

A little competition is healthy.

Sapnap:  

High Lord of the Summer Court

Dream’s right hand man

Likes fire a little too much probably

George: 

Human that Dream took a liking too and yoinked from the mortal world

Dream and Sapnap made him immortal but he hasn’t realized it yet.  

Skeppy: 

Changeling who started growing diamond-like scales across his body

Is vaguely allied with Dream simply because he’s Fae, but is more loyal to BBH

Like a lot of other Fae, likes to make challenges but he makes them less deadly.  Not totally safe, just less deadly.

Badboyhalo: 

Demon who was kicked out of hell because he was too nice

Found Skeppy in the Overworld and the rest is history

Cursed by the Demon King that the moment he says a swear word, the entire world would end, but can never tell anyone that he is cursed

The Merchant’s Guild

Not quite a country, more of a international power 

Oversees the largest and most important businesses in the world 

Makes sure that no laws are broken between different countries and everyone gets a fair shake 

Has a very large reach, so some members have dabbled in espionage for various groups 

From the outside it looks like the whole thing is kept together with duct tape and hope, but its actually pretty functional

The main members are just… a lot. 

More concerned with keeping things working than influencing other nations (although there are still jokes about it) 

The most valuable thing they trade in is information

They have a lot of fingers in a lot of pots, but are trusted with their information 

Associated Colors: dark blue, teal, deep yellow, burnt orange, copper

Aesthetic/Vibes: art deco babie, angles and lines, very modern and streamlined, sleek suits instead of armor or robes, whiskey in a crystal glass, wars won by words not weapons, knowing when someone’s lying without them saying a word

Notable Members:

Schlatt: 

Ram-man with a plan

Not that bad of a dude, but is in a position where he is constantly in possession of highly sensitive information and that does things to someone’s mental state

Drinks pretty regularly but not a full blown alcoholic

Trying his best

Can be a snarky asshole sometimes

Quackity: 

Lucky duck.  literally.  

Duck man with an uncanny ability to absorb good luck from people (typically Fundy) and apply it to himself

No one knows when or why he joined the guild, but now he’s there

Pretty damn smart, but hides it behind humor

Fundy: 

FOX!  

With BEANS!

Trying his goddamn best but life (and Quackity) make it very difficult

Usually is stuck with the shit end of the stick when getting jobs/contracts/etc. 

Wilbur being his dad is an inside joke that’s gotten a life of its own.  

(No Fishfuckers Allowed!!!)

Puffy: 

Badass sheep lady who captains a ship and commands her own armada

Schlatt’s sister

Also part of Storm’s Landing’s council and acts as the main liaison between them 

Do not fuck with her she will kick your ass.

Storm’s Landing

Port city that became a country after becoming a safe-haven for seafarers

Led by a council of important people, with the head of the council known as the Admiral 

Closest ties to Crystallos and the Merchant’s guild because: 

1) Clingy supremacy!!!!

2) it’s a good idea for a guild to have good ties with a large sea power

3) all the dads for Tubbo

Associated Colors: navy blue, scarlet, white, brass 

Aesthetic/Vibes: Nautical (obviously) with heavy “Age of Exploration” vibes, barnacles crusted on treasure chests, think tall ships and pirates and shit, respecting the ocean because holy shit she’s gonna smash your boat to pieces on a whim because she can, has an edge of darkness because when you go deep enough who knows what you’ll find down there (maybe mermaids???) 

Notable Members:

CaptainSparklez: 

elected to Admiral after the previous Admiral went missing on a routine voyage 

(idk who it used to be, I just wanted to make him new at leading)

not 100% sure about the whole thing, but handling it pretty okay

still answers to “Captain” instead of “Admiral”.  

Niki:

If Storm’s Landing had a queen, would be it unquestionably

Never gets robbed even though there’s a well known “underbelly” in town

Could probably end wars with her croissants

Has a significant history of empathic abilities in her family, so she can tell how people are feeling at all times

Eret: 

Owns a magic store in town that really only shows itself to people who need it.  

Having a bad mental health day?  

He’s got a warm blanket and a cup of your favorite warm beverage waiting.  

Dysphoric?  

She’s got the perfect outfit and affirming words already prepared.  

Trying to find that specific book but can’t remember the title or plot, only vaguely know the color of the cover?  

They’ve got it.  

Ranboo:  

Not sure why he decided to move to a seaside city when he’s not chill with water, but now he’s here and he’s too anxious to leave

Known for teleporting around town randomly when nervous, and the people who find him are always willing to let a hand if he gets lost

Tubbo: 

This boi!  Has so many dads!  

Epitome of “Kindness does not equal weakness.”  

While a lot of people underestimate him, he’s not some fragile little flower

He hasn’t fully grown into his ability to speak to animals (he can only understand bees right now)

He’s just as much of a shit stirrer as Tommy.  

When they meet up, look out.  Something’s getting destroyed.

The Astral Academy

An independent university focused on advancing knowledge in the arcane arts and engineering 

Not a country, but has the political power of one due to their vast resources and building prowess 

People can’t enter unless they are invited or have been given entry as a student 

There are a bunch of potential doors scattered around the continent that could lead to the Academy, but no one is sure where the real entrance is 

Associated Colors: royal purple, lilac, sepia, sky blue, silver, bronze Aesthetic/Vibes: bright academia, massive libraries with bookshelves stuffed to bursting, workshop benches covered in scrap and prototypes, open air observatories, runes waiting to be translated, the crackling energy that comes from successful collaboration, falling down a research rabbit hole, bursting with pride after a project is a success

Notable Members: 

Sam

Purpled

Ponk

Punz

Antfrost

Jack Manifold

I don’t know much about these characters, so if you have any ideas please let me know!

Zero’s OC Land - The North Haven

Smallest and newest country 

Recently gained independence from under a cruel dictator (not schlatt lol)

Located in a pine forest at the base of a huge mountain range 

Has pretty good relations with the other countries, but outsiders don’t know much about them 

Main exports are wood carvings and leather goods 

Associated Colors: Maroon, dark brown, black, pewter 

Aesthetic/Vibes: medieval but with a modern twist, dark wood lit by a roaring fireplace, snow-covered woods without a living soul in sight, half timber houses and detailed wood carving, no outrageous ornamentation or extravagance 

Notable Members:

Tyr: 

Lord of the North Haven

trying to keep his people safe and protected

one of the few remaining Spirits (higher in power than the Fae, but lower than angels)

Spirit of Justice

lost a hand in the war for North Haven’s independence

didn’t want to become the leader but does a pretty good job at it

Adopted 5 kids and is trying his best

Bragi: 

Heir Apparent

24 year old human

can influence the world by speaking (not singing) but has to be careful about which words he uses

has a book full of phrases that have proven effects (a spellbook of sorts)

has a friendly rivalry with Wilbur

Freya: 

Spymaster

actually the oldest but abdicated because she feels she’s not the right person to lead a country

age unknown because she’s the last known [REDACTED] (it’ll be revealed, but I wanna build suspense)

has gyrfalcon wings and heightened senses

chronic insomniac

Forseti: 

Official Librarian

20 years old

hybrid with an unknown entity

has black fingers with sharp claws

always wears gloves to hide them

can create portals to places he’s been or to people he knows (the second is much riskier, but not impossible)

knowledge sponge

wants to join the Astral Academy but is too nervous to apply

Odin: 

Older Twin

The “Sensible One”

17 years old

Has an uncanny sense of direction

Can’t get lost no matter what

Can manipulate magnetic fields

Loki:

Younger Twin

The “Hot Headed One”

17 years old

can manipulate fire

idolizes his older siblings, particularly Freya

The Institute

Creeping around in the background

Up to bad things

Something’s going on in the world, but no one’s noticed yet

They will though… soon

Aesthetic/Vibes: minimalism (the worst kind of vibes imo), think laboratories or empty hospitals, harsh artificial lights and cold floors, labyrinths of monotonous hallways with no doors

[snarktheater]

Hey, d'you have any French book recs? I'm trying to work on my French, and rn I have downloaded one of my favourite book series' French translations, but I figured maybe books already written in French might work better? Also have you read the Ranger's Apprentice series? 1/2

RA's def flawed - the books' narration does like to point bright arrows at the protagonists' intelligence, and the last few books def have the tone of 'old white man trying to write feminism', although at least he's trying? - and it's aimed more to the younger side of YA, but it is still a very fun series, and I can ignore the flaws fairly easily, at least partly due to nostalgia? This rather long lol but I'm wordy.

I'll start with the second question: no, although every time the series is brought up I have to check the French title and go "oh, right, I've seen these books in stores". But I've never purchased or read them. It sounds like something I probably would have enjoyed as a teen but I just missed the mark, and these days I'm trying to drown myself in queer books, so that probably isn't happening.

As for your first question, geez, I haven’t read a French book in years, so this is gonna skew middle grade/YA, though that may not be so bad if the point is to learn the language. I will also say that as a result, these may read a little outdated.

I'll put it under a cut, even if Tumblr has become really bad with correctly displaying read mores. Sorry, mobile crowd.

It's also likely that old readers of the blog will have seen me talk about most of these. I don't feel like going through old posts.

One last thing: while I was curating this list I took the time to make a Goodreads shelf to keep track of those.

The Ewilan books by Pierre Bottero

(It's a testament to how long ago I read these books that these are not the covers of the edition I own, and I can't even find those on Google. I'm settling for a more recent cover anyway since it'll make it easier to find them, presumably)

There are at least three trilogies (that I know of) set in the same world.

The first trilogy is essentially an isekai (so, French girl lands in parallel fantasy world by accident) with elements of chosen one trope, though I find the execution makes it worth the while anyway.

The second trilogy is a direct sequel, so same protagonist but new threat, and the world gets expanded.

The third one is centered around a supporting characters from the previous books, and the first couple of books in it are more her backstory than a continuation, though the third one concludes both that trilogy and advances the story of the other books as well.

Notably these books have a really fun magic system where the characters "draw" things into existence. It's just stuck with me for some reason.

A bunch of stuff by Erik L'Homme

I have read a lot of this man's books, starting with Le Livre des Etoiles.

They also skew towards the young end of YA, arguably middle grade, I never bothered to figure out where to draw the line. They're coincidentally also using the premise of a parallel world to our own (and yes, connected to France again, the French are just as susceptible of writing about their homeland), but interestingly are set from the point of view of characters native to the parallel world.

It also has a very unique magic system, this one based on a mix of a runic alphabet and sort-of poetry. I'll also say specifically for these books that the characters stuck with me way more than others on this list, which is worth mentioning.

This trilogy is my favorite by Erik L'Homme, but I'll also mention Les Maîtres des brisants, which is a fantasy space opera with a pirate steampunk(?) vibe. I think it's steampunk. I could be mistaken. But it's in that vein. It's also middle grade, in my opinion not as good, but it could just be that it came out when I was older.

Another one is Phaenomen, which was a deliberate attempt at skewing older (though still YA). This one is set in our (then-)modern world and centers a group of teens who happen to have supernatural powers. I guess the best way to describe it is a superhero thriller? If you take "superhero" in the sense of "people with individualized powers", since they don't really do a lot of heroing.

...I really need to brush up on genre terminology, don't I.

The Ji series by Pierre Grimbert

This one is actually adult fantasy, though it definitely falls under "probably outdated". It is very straight, for starters, and I'd have to give it another read to give a more critical reading of how it handles race (it attempts to do it, and is well meaning, but I'm not sure it survives the test of time & scrutiny, basically).

If I haven't lost you already, the premise is this: a few generations ago, a weird man named Nol gathered emissaries from each nation of the world and took them to a trip to the titular Ji island. Nobody knows what went down here, but now in the present day, someone is trying to kill off all descendants from those emissaries, who are as a result forced to team up and figure out what's going on.

I'm not going to spoil past that, though I will say it has (surprise) a really unique magic system! I guess you can start to piece together what my younger self was interested in. Which, admittedly, I still am.

Once again, this one also has a strong cast of characters, helped by rich world building and the premise forcing the characters to come from many different cultures (though, again, I can't vouch for the handling of race because it's been too long).

The first series is complete by itself, though it has two sequel series as well, each focusing on the next generation in these families. Because yes, of course they all pair up and have kids. Like I said: very straight.

A whole lot of books by Jean-Louis Fetjaine

OFetjaine is a historian, and I guess he's really interested in Arthurian mythos especially, because he loves it so much he's written two separate high fantasy retellings of them! I'm not criticizing, mind you, we all need a hobby.

The former, the Elves trilogy (pictures above) is very traditional high fantasy. Elves, dwarves, orcs, a world which is definitely fictionalized with a pan-Celtic vibe to it. The holy grail and excalibur are around, but they're relics possessed by the elves and dwarves with very different powers than usual. Et cetera.

Fetjaine also really loves his elves (as the titles might imply), and while they're not exactly Tolkien elves, there's a similar vibe to them. If you like Tolkien and his elf boner, you'll probably like this too. And conversely, if that turns you off, these books probably also won't work for you.

This series also has a prequel trilogy, centered around the backstory of one of the main characters. I...honestly don't remember too much about it, but I liked it, so, there you go, I guess.

I said Fetjaine did it twice. The other series is the Merlin duology, which, as the title implies, is a retelling of Merlin's story. Note that Merlin is also in the other trilogy, but it's a different Merlin; like I said, completely different continuities and stories.

This one is historical fantasy, so it's set in actual Great Britain, and Fetjaine attempts to connect Arthur to a "real" historical figure...but, you know, Merlin is also half-elf and elves totally exist in Brocéliande, so, you know. History.

Okay, that's probably enough fantasy, let me give some classics too.

L'Arbre des possibles et autres histoires - Bernard Werber

Bernard Werber is a pretty seminal author of French sci-fi and I should probably be embarrassed that the only book of his that I read was for school, but, it is a really good one, so I'll include it anyway.

It's a novella collection, and when I say "sci-fi" I want to make it clear that it's very old school science fiction. It's more Frankenstein or Black Mirror than Star Trek, what we in French call the anticipation genre of science fiction: you take one piece of technology or cultural norm and project it into the future.

It has a pretty wide range of topics and tones, so it's bound to have some better than others. My personal faves were Du pain et des jeux, where football (non-American) has evolved into basically a wargame, and Tel maître, tel lion, where any animal is considered acceptable as a pet, no matter how absurd it is to keep as a pet. They're both on a comedic end, but there's more heartfelt stuff too.

L'Ecume des Jours - Boris Vian

(no cover because I can't find the one I have, and the ones I find are ugly)

This book is surrealist. Like, literally a part of the surrealist movement. It features things such as a lilypad growing inside a woman's lungs (and, as you well know, lilypads double in size every day, wink wink), the protagonist's apartment becoming larger and smaller to go with his mood and current financial situation, and more that I can't even recall at the moment because remembering this book is like trying to remember having an aneurysm.

It is also really, really fun and touching. Oh, and it has a pretty solid movie adaptation, starring Audrey Tautou, who I think an international audience would probably recognize from Amelie or the Da Vinci Code movie.

I don't really know what else to say. It's a really cool read!

Le Roi se meurt - Eugène Ionesco

Ionesco is somewhat famous worldwide so I wasn't even sure to include him here. He's a playwright who wrote in the "Theater of the Absurd" movement, and this play is part of that.

The premise of this play is that the King (of an unnamed land) is dying, and the land is dying with him. I don't really know what else to say. It's theater of the absurd. It kind of has to be experienced (the published version works fine, btw, no need to track down an actual performance, in my humble opinion).

The Plague - Albert Camus

You've probably heard of this one, and if you haven't, let me tell you about a guy called Carlos Maza

I'm honestly more including this book out of a sense of duty. The other three are books I genuinely liked and happen to be classics. This book was an awful read. But, um. It's kind of relevant now in a way it wasn't (or didn't feel, anyway) back in 2008 or 2009, when I read it. And I don't just mean because of our own plague, since Camus's plague is pretty famously an allegory for fascism, which my teenage self sneered at, and my adult self really regrets every feeling that way.

Okay, finally, some more lighthearted stuff, we gotta talk about the Belgian and French art of bande dessinée. How is it different from comic books or manga? Functionally, it isn't. It really comes down more to what gets published in the Belgian-French industry compared to the American comics industry, which is dominated by superheroes, or the Japanese manga industry, which, while I'm less familiar with it, I know has some big genre trends as well that are completely separate.

The Lanfeust series - Arleston and Tarquin

This is a YA mega-series, and I can't recommend all of it because I've lost track of the franchise's growth. Also note that I say "YA", but in this case it means something very different from an American understanding of YA. These books are pretty full of sex.

No, when I say YA I mean it has that level of maturity, for better or worse. The original series (Lanfeust de Troy) is high fantasy in a world where everyone has an individual magical ability but two characters find out they're gifted with an absolute power to make anything happen, and while it gets dark at times, it's still very lighthearted throughout, and the humor is...well, I think it's best described as teen boy humor. And it has a tendency to objectify its female characters, as you'll quickly parse out from the one cover I used here or if you browse more covers.

But still, it holds a special place in my heart, I guess. And on my shelves.

The sequel series, Lanfeust des Etoiles, turns it into a space opera, and goes a little overboard with the pop culture reference at times, though overall still maintains that balance of serious/at times dark story and lighthearted comedy.

After that the franchise is utter chaos to me, and I've lost track. I know there was another sequel series, which I dropped partway through, and a spinoff that retold part of the original series from the PoV of the main love interest (in the period of time she spent away from the main group). There was a comedy spin-off about the troll species unique to this world, a prequel series, probably more I don't even know exist.

Les Démons d'Alexia

Something I can probably be a little less ashamed of including here.

Some backstory here. The Editions Dupuis are a giant of the Belgian bande dessinée industry, and for many, many years I was subscribed to their weekly magazine. That magazine was (mostly) made up of excerpts from the various books that the éditions were publishing at the time; those that were made of comic strips would usually get a couple pages of individual scripts, while the ongoing narratives got cut into episodes that were a few pages long (out of a typical 48 page count for a single BD album). Among those were this series.

For the first few volumes, I wasn't super into this series, probably because I was a little too young and smack dab in the middle of my "trying to be one of the boys" phase. But around book 3 I got really invested, to the point where I own the second half of the series because I had canceled by subscription by then but still wanted to know more.

Alexia is an exorcist with unusual talents, but little control, who's introduced to a group that specializes in researching paranormal phenomena, solving cases that involve the paranormal, that kinda stuff.

As a result of the premise, the series has a pretty slow start since it has to build up mystery around the source of Alexia's powers, but once it gets going and we get to what is essentially the series' main conflict, it gets really interesting.

Plus, witches. I'm a simple gay who likes strong protagonists and witches.

Murena

There was a point where my mtyhology nerdery led me to look for more stuff about the historical cultures that created them, and so I'd be super into stuff set in ancient Rome (I'd say "or Greece or Egypt" but let's face it, it was almost always Rome).

Murena is a series set just before the start of Emperor Nero's rule. You know, the one who was emperor when Rome burned, and according to urban legend either caused the fire or played the fiddle while it did (note: "fiddle" is a very English saying, it's usually the lyre in other languages). He probably didn't, it probably was propaganda, but he was a) a Roman Emperor, none of whom were particularly stellar guys and b) mean to Christians, who eventually got to rewrite history. So he's got a bad rep.

The series goes for a very historical take on events, albeit fictionalized (the protagonist and main PoV, the titular Lucius Murena, is himself fictional) and attempts to humanize the people involved in those events. Each book also includes some of the sources used to justify how events and characters are depicted, which is a nice touch.

It's also divided in subseries called "cycles" (books 1-4, 5-8 and the ongoing one starts at 9). I stopped after 9, though I think it's mostly a case of not going to bookstores often anymore. Plus it took four years between 9 and 10, and again between 10 and 11. But the first eight books made for a pretty solid story that honestly felt somewhat concluded as is, so it's a good place to start.

[stupid-stew]

WHEN YOU WHEN WHEN WHEEEEN

I'm alive I'm back OK TRAILER GO GO GO

i'm not using photos because i wouldn't be able to contain myself but this is in order of events in the trailer so like tee hee

ok so starting off, it looks like luz still has access to her phone, maybe it's still sending things, but i think camila might start to get an idea of what's going on pretty early in the season plus we still get to see her so like YES

the first shot with lilith and luz with lilith carrying hooty is definitely from echoes of the past, guess we found out that hooty does actually leave the house, even if it is in the form of a slightly smaller house backpack? yknow what good for him but the contents of the door where he was will haunt my dreams. thanks. and also lilith's palisman can fly!

the one with the "forbidden stacks" and luz and amity in front of the door is from through the looking glass ruins, PLEASE give me some alice in wonderland references i'm begging. along with that shot, i'm assuming the later ones with amity having her hair down and her employee id badge, both scenes with gus casting with what looks to be a fire glyph (those two are the same scene split in two i think), and the one with the creepy thing with the lantern are both from that episode as well.

there are three different scenes that are from the same episode as each other, possibly one that hasn't been announced yet because i can't place it, but the one with luz walking along the statues, the one with her and king where a hand shoots out and opens, and the one with some beasty climbing up the wall all look to be from the same one and that's terrifying.

now for separate tides, there's a bunch, anything with luz in the pirate outfit is probably from that, her casting the ice glyphs, her tied up, you get it.

i'm getting to belos, r, and camila just hold your horses. hold them.

ok owl mask, a bunch. my thing is that we see the one with luz jumping up onto a building, she has his staff, and a little cardinal on her shoulder which i think is cute, i don't think it's her palisman but that's up for debate. but she somehow got his staff, and that worries me deeply.

NOW NOW NOW OWL BEAST LILITH. ok so we don't see any owl beast eda in the trailer, but owl beast lilith, yes yes we do. not only do we see her like partially transformed and like dying on the ground, but the owl beast we do see greatly resembles a hoot owl. why does that matter? i will talk to you for hours about character names, but basically some translations of lilith's name are hoot owl and screech owl, and i am so unbelievably excited for this i'm shitting my pants but on the inside.

time to talk about r. if you don't know who r is, most people think their name is rayne? rain? i don't actually know but from what i've heard they're a confirmed non binary character? girl idek anyways the important part is that they were the person who had their face obscured in the photo of eda in her scrapbook from wilw, and they're now the bard coven leader. i'm just gonna say it, they are way too ominous and apparent in the trailer to not be important so do with that what you will but remember kids, in the scrapbook they signed their name with belos' mask on the end of the r. beware.

gwendolyyynnnnn ok so there's a bunch about her, first of all she's a cute little old lady so she's probably evil, from what we see of her she's totally a clawthorne, but she's a beast keeper, keeping in mind the age that eda got cursed that can be kind of yikes but yknow. she has what looks to be an eagle? falcon? idk if it's even a palisman but a bird is a bird and that's good enough for me. she has the same nails as lilith, and her boots resemble eda's, plus she has the gold jewlery and wild hair so like she's their mom alright. the thing that worries me the most about her is one of the flashbacks we saw, eda hiding from someone yelling, it could very well be gwen and i will in fact fight a bitch. that is all.

ok girl- what is up with the blights? i'm not even going to lie, odalia is kind of a baddie. all villains are hot she's no exception. but blight industries? we knew they had money and power but this kind of is different, and she seems to use the gun she had to cast an abomination monster that we see chasing luz around?

the coven leaders, why are they so attractive? and the plant lady seems like a older version of perfuma so like do with that what you will but like the abomination dude, is his hair an abomination? anyways, why is he hot? r is also a sight love that for them. though them like burning away while menacingly playing the violin has me............concerned.

break to talk about eda, we don't see a lot of her current self in the trailer, we see more of her in the past, and i am scared? where she at? shawty? but her with a pony tail and her with short hair? sheeesh.

there's a lot more glyph magic, a lot more exploration of if, but one of the scenes where lilith is casting the three ice glyphs and like drags them out is very similar to the way luz casts in the opening for season two. also someone said lilith looks like dying, her cheekbones are way more defined, more than they should be, like hey queen you good? it also looks like she has more of a presence this season and i'm here for it.

there are also two scenes where like everything is on fire, one with hooty and one with lilith, um- its fine ok everything is probably fine although i do hope lilith smacks a bitch with that stick.

ok nowwww i can talk about belos.

we have that one scene with owl mask, is that belos' shadow like morphing? god i hope so. those are his mask horns. he's an old man so he's got gray hair but i didn't expect it to be that long, you do you. with the portal he clearly has rebuilt it, but i think it's interesting how he mad his own key and luz still has the original one, it's kind of fu

WIAT OK I JUST REMEMBERED WHAT IF IN ECHOES Of th e past the shot with eda and her short hair is from hooty's pov and that's how they met

back to belos, there's so much happening in the trailer but like what if we see his face, and did the titan like explode?

i cannot do this anymore it's too late for this but leikIHJBEKJSFDKNFALKNLKNDFNOKNKEFAINOK

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

TUA PIRATE AU

(of the Caribbean? Sort of? I guess?)

(please understand that by AU, I mean they share an incredibly small amount of things in common with the original source material which I barely remember BUT the “story” takes place in the setting of the books/films) (not to be misleading or anything :p)

(BEWARE: abuse, murder, pirates and all of their violent shenanigans, etc.)

(If you can handle watching Umbrella Academy, this will be fine for you.)

Luther is the captain of the guard, and pirates are the bane of his existence. He hates Diego most of all, the man who’s stolen unspeakable amounts of gold from Reginald, Luther’s employer. But as annoyed he is at all of the theft, he purposefully never catches Diego, because he knows Klaus loves him. And Luther may be a man of the law, but he’s also Klaus’ beloved brother-in-spirit, even if Reginald wants them to marry each other for some idiotic reason. (Something about getting Klaus to settle down - ha, he can try.) When Klaus disappears, Luther follows him, having no connections left here - and that’s when he meets Allison. And there are copious laws against getting involved with married women and outlaws alike… so Luther starts to think that maybe bending the rules wouldn’t be so bad. (Klaus is so proud.)

Diego grew up poor, and became a pirate in his early teens when Grace took him in. When she fled the colony, Diego went with her, leaving his childhood best friend Klaus behind. He’s got his own fleet and crew now, and mostly uses his scores as excuses to flirt with Klaus, who’s still just as drawn to him after all these years and often sneaks him into his bedroom when Diego’s in town. Diego’s kept in close touch with Lila and Eudora, both of whom he grew up with once Grace took him away, and they both help him when it comes time for him to crash Klaus’ wedding to Luther (fuck you dude) and steal Klaus away for a life at sea. (Klaus absolutely LOVES this. They kiss a lot. They swing from ropes. Klaus is screaming at all the guards as Diego carries him away bridal-style (ha, I’m so funny). It is delightful.) (His ship is a terror they call The Kraken. Ha, get it? Get it - because Diego’s name - and the monster from legend - okay yeah I’ll shut up now.)

Allison is a badass goddess, covered in colorful tattoos with gold in her hair. She was a prostitute for awhile, stealing a bunch along the way, but one day one of the pirate captains who approached her tried to take more than he paid for. She broke both his hands and killed him in cold blood, then defeated his entire crew in a sword fight single-handedly, earning their respect. She now rides with that same crew as their captain, in one of those off-the-shoulder poet-blouse-corset dresses and high brown boots. Ray is a leutinant who’s been chasing her for years, the two of them flirting back and forth forever… but he’ll never catch her. It’s bad form to arrest your wife.

Klaus is the governor’s bastard son, a totally wild spirit who wears dresses all the time, drinks his weight at parties, and has slept with half the town (marriage is not a problem for him, this is Klaus, we all know he is very down for threesomes). He’s stolen half of Reginald’s shit for Diego over the years, and has been sneaking off to see him just as long, completely in love with his pirate king. Though he’s loved others before - Dave, for example, a soldier whose death broke Klaus into give in to Reginald’s plan to marry him off to Luther (who Klaus loves, just, Not Like That™). The day Diego kidnaps him from his own wedding is the best fucking day of his life - okay, no it wasn’t. That was second best. The best day of his life was the day he and Diego watched Diego’s ship and treasure burn and sink into the sea, and Klaus asked him if he was alright, and Diego just shrugged. Said, You’re the only treasure I need, and kissed him like the world was ending. Yeah. That was the best day of his life, because Diego is the best anything in his life.

Five was a pirate queen until he transitioned a few years ago, though only by word of mouth. No one’s ever seen him. Anyone who works for him doesn’t make it a month outside of the job, usually by his own hands, but people keep coming because nobody knows who he is. He sails alone, though he offers Klaus refuge on his boat for a few days under the moniker Aidan, because he knows Diego loves him, and Five actually respects Diego (if only because he respects Lila who he only respects because he respects Eudora). He hates the Handler for leaving him stranded on an island when he was just a child, an unwanted product of her crew’s hard partying, and has vowed to kill her one day for leaving him alone for so long, ageless in misery. He talks to the mermaid on the front of his ship named Dolores and kills without mercy, and when he finally reveals himself as this skinny pale thirteen-year-old with the grandpa haircut, he revels in the looks on his family’s faces as they try to rebuild their blown brain circuits.

Ben loves Klaus more than life itself, which is, in hindsight, probably why he’s dead. Oh who is he kidding, it’s definitely why he’s dead. Klaus is sort of, kind of, maybe, just a little bit a witch, and they hang witches where they’re from. So when they needed someone to blame for the odd happenings Klaus had caused recently, Ben had taken the blame and worn the noose proudly. Klaus still talks to him all the time, his ghost anyway, and it’s fine - but Klaus lives on the sea now, with Diego, and Ben gets seasick like all the time. (And then he steals Davy Jones’ heart and gets trapped as a tentacle monster, which is honestly not that bad. It helps him scare birds, and Ben likes scaring birds.)

Vanya works as the blacksmith’s apprentice, sad and lonely. She’s been having an affair with the duchess Sissy for years, also working as her maid and a nanny for her son Harlan when asked, but mostly she’s alone, with no one else to care for in the world. (And that creep officer Leonard keeps asking her to marry him, which, just. Ew.) When Five shows up, his hands in his pockets, and offers her a way out, well - what else could she possibly do?

Lila is a badass pirate princess who don’t take no shit from anybody. She wears bright pink ballgowns while skewering people like kabobs, which is funny because she’s a well-known maneater. Literally. (Yes I included a Hannibal character in here because it’s my AU and I can do whatever the fuck I want.) She fell in love with Eudora, and thought she had corrupted the kind sergeant until she found out Eudora had been an undercover pirate the whole time, helping Diego smuggle Reginald’s gold and goods in and out of port. (That’s hot as fucking hell, she blurts when she realizes. Fuck, I’m gonna marry this woman.) She has a serious rum problem she will not be addressing and a collection of pet parrots that will forever prevent her and Ben from becoming friends. When she and Eudora get married, it’s in the middle of the pouring rain while thunder and lightning and gunshots crack around them and they’re killing people and shooting canons left and right (because I may not have shipped Will and Elizabeth but by god if their wedding wasn’t the best fucking thing I’ve ever seen). Now if only she could find the king of the pirates… she’s been hunting Five for years, hoping to prove herself to him, but he just… won’t show up.

Eudora is the sergeant in Reginald’s legions, and has been using her position to help Diego pirate goods since before he even left with Grace. She makes a lot of deals with him, having him carry her cargo and speak with her connections in exchange for her keeping an eye on Klaus for him, which to be honest they both know she’d do anyway. She helped Diego get to Klaus’ wedding and kidnap him, confusing the soldiers in pursuit of the bride, and follows them off to sea, finally home. She feels she owes an eternal debt to Klaus for not being able to save Ben from execution, though she tried, almost desperately. She flirts with Lila all the damn time, and believes in magic, wanting to travel the world looking for it. Most importantly, you should know that she will and has killed for a cheeseburger. (I know they weren’t invented yet shut up.)

Reginald is the governor of the colony, and Klaus’ father. He’s an asshole, one who constantly hunts the pirates because his wife Grace left him to be one. He only has one eye because Grace cut the other out viciously in their last fight, and he’s an abusive piece of shit who lives to terrorize and tax people. Pogo is his assistant / advisor / let-me-stand-here-and-give-you-good-advice-that-we-all-know-you’ll-ignore person. Reginald refuses to die before he catches Grace and sees her hanging in the square - something that seems more and more likely by the day. (HA, Grace says. He wishes.)

Grace is the original pirate queen, and lives in legend. She faked her death after living a double life for years, leaving Reginald and taking her son Diego with her. She knows Reginald doesn’t believe in her death, because she cut his eye out and nearly killed him right before she left, but everyone else believes it. She jumped from the bell tower and Klaus himself “went mad with grief” at the sight of her body, though he of course knows she’s alive and keeps up the story for her benefit. She injured Reginald so severely because he killed Ben, knowing that he wasn’t guilty, and that the witch in question had done nothing wrong anyway. She is known to be fiercely protective of her children, and kind in nature despite her ability to kill you using a historic number of methods. Her crew is made up of refugees who she offered shelter and a better life in exchange for their servitude, including Five, for awhile, who was running a scam. She knows who he is, and remembers his face well - but she keeps it to herself. Though she could match him in a fight easily, she has no interest in battling the boy she has grown to love as a son. (She’s also the one who officiates Diego and Klaus’ wedding, but that’s unrelated.)

The Handler is another pirate queen, and Grace’s greatest rival. She has two pistols at her waist and is not afraid to use them, having such deadly aim that she’s never missed a target - except Diego, which she hates him for. Also for encouraging her first mate and daughter Lila to mutiny, but that’s a whole other can of worms. Her ship is followed by an entire shiver of sharks, who let her use them like water skis whenever she wants. She abandoned Five on an island when he was born into her crew, as she hates children with a burning passion. (There are rumors she eats little boys’ bones. They have yet to be disproven.) Hazel is her snivelling first mate and Cha-Cha is her willing servant and second captain, a master at the wheel and with a sword. Agnes is an old psychic (ha, she’s faking it. She’s got no fuckin’ clue where Five is and will continue to lie whenever asked) she keeps in the brig after kidnapping her years ago, hoping to get a read on Five, who the Handler hates for constantly stealing her goods before they even make it to port. (She has no idea he’s the same boy she left on that island all those years ago - he’s certainly not the only child she’s done that to. But countless are out for her blood… almost every person Grace has rescued was left to die on an island by the Handler.) She eventually dies at Klaus’ hand, who plunges a sword through her heart in defense of his family, who she made the fatal mistake of coming after. (It happened in the same rainy battle where Lila and Eudora were married. He was wearing a yellow ballgown.)

Also Jack Sparrow is super great friends with Lila and he’s married to Will Turner who’s honestly so exhausted but gets along great with Ben and Elizabeth is their ace-aro friend who is a goddamn queen and who Diego has a lowkey crush on and Klaus can geek out with for hours. It’s awesome.

[lilhawkeye3]

Hawk’s Movie Rec List🦅🎬🍿

Okay y’know what I’m actually just gonna put together a movie rec list because why not😂 This list will include my summary, a list of starring actors that you’ll recognize in the film, and where to (legally) watch it.

What We Do In The Shadows

Hawk’s summary: a mockumentary about a quartet of vampires living in New Zealand. Also has a spin off show focusing on a group of vampires from Staten Island, NYC. Hilarious and also like... just some great supernatural content. You can watch the show without seeing the movie and tbh it’s just as amazing, if not better.

Starring: Taika Waititi, Jemaine Clement, Jonathan Brugh

Streaming on: Hulu (tv show), rental on Prime (movie)

Pirates of the Caribbean: the Curse of the Black Pearl

Hawk’s summary: look all the characters are great, the plot is great, zombie skeletons pirates are great, idk what else to tell you. It’s just a fun time.

Starring: Johnny Depp, Kiera Knightly, Orlando Bloom, and that cute monkey lmao. Also the dog with the keys.

Streaming on: Disney+

Young Frankenstein

Hawk’s summary: this film is a comedy and parody of classical horror films and yet manages to be the most accurate Frankenstein film to the original novel in terms of understanding the theme of man vs maker etc. And it’s Mel Brooks, the king of comedy tbh.

Starring: Gene Wilder, Mel Brooks, Madeline Kahn

Streaming on: Starz/Hulu/Prime, but... you can find the full film for free very easily.

Blazing Saddles

Hawk’s Summary: another Mel Brooks comedy, this time parodying old westerns! Watch if you’re tired of racist characterizations and in need of some no barred laughs. Fair warning: they use the N word a LOT, but like... to show the absurdity of racists. Idk I saw it first when I was 8 (questionable parenting move lmao) but it’s one of my all time favorites.

Starring: Gene Wilder, Mel Brooks, Madeline Kahn, and Mel Brooks still making fun of Nazis like he does best 🤩

Streaming on: rental on Prime and YouTube currently

Undercover Brother

Hawk’s summary: a parody of the spy genre and blaxploitation films. Follows Undercover Brother as he joins a secret Black organization that fights The Man, an unknown white dude who wants to erase the effect of Black culture on white America.

Starring: Dave Chappelle, Neil Patrick Harris, Denise Richards, Billy Dee Williams, Cris Kataan, and a great cameo by James Brown

Streaming on: Starz/Hulu/Prime

RED and RED 2

Hawk’s summary: watch a bunch of retired secret agents who are “past their prime” be total badasses. Lots of humor, some excellent and fun action scenes. Doesn’t take itself too seriously and is really just about having a good time.

Starring: Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren, John Malkovitch, Brian Cox, Marie-Louise Parker

Streaming on: Amazon Prime & Showtime

The Man from U.N.C.L.E

Hawk’s summary: loosely based on a 60’s tv show about an American CIA and Russian KGB agent who are partners, but this time with a spunky German mechanic thrown into the mix as they look to stop nuclear launch codes from falling into the wrong hands. Guy Ritchie has a lot of fun with this OT3. Fun spy movie, great chemistry between the three leads, great action and humor!

Starring: Henry Cavill, Alicia Vikander, Armie Hammer, Elizabeth Debicki, Hugh Grant, and that one white guy who’s always some sus dude (Jared Harris! Lmao)

Streaming on: rental on Prime or Youtube.

Sherlock Holmes & SH: Game of Shadows

Hawk’s summary: another fun series by Guy Ritchie (imo the first is much better though). RDJ and Jude Law have a great time playing off each other, and I love Rachel McAdams as Irene Adler. Jared Harris is in these too so I think he’s friend with Ritchie lmao but he does a fabulous job being manipulative. And the MUSIC!! Love it.

Staring: RDJ, Rachel McAdams, Jude Law, Mark Strong, Jared Harris

Streaming on: HBO Max

Get Out

Hawk’s summary: okay tbh I see this more as a psychological thriller than horror but I think it just really depends based on your own life experiences. “I would’ve voted for Obama a third time” lmaooo yeah that boy should’ve turned his ass around the second he hit that deer. Jordan Peele really did a great job with this film and it’s always an interesting watch.

Starring: Daniel Kaluuya, Lakeith Stanfield (he was AMAZING), Bradley Whitfield, Allison Williams, Catherine Keener, Caleb Landry Jones

Streaming on: another current rental (how obvious is it that I use alternate sources lmao)

[no gif for this one bc I know the movie does freak some people out]

Knives Out

Hawk’s summary: this movie really lived up to the hype. A fun mystery film with a few really good twists! Tbh idk who let Daniel Craig do the accent but it just works for the movie lmao. Also a good movie for the family bc each age group can relate really well to a group of characters.

Starring: Daniel Craig, Ana de Armas, Chris Evans, Jamie Lee Curtis, Christopher Plummer, that girl from Netflix, and Lakeith Stanfeild is there too!!

Stream on: Amazon Prime

Galaxy Quest

Hawk’s summary: if you’ve ever watched Star Trek or been to a Comic Con... yeah you need to watch this movie. Good gracious it’s hilarious. A bunch of actors from an ended Star Trek show are abducted by aliens who took their episodes to be historical records... and they actually have to play their parts in real life to save the day.

Starring: Sigorney Weaver, Alan Rickman, Tim Allen, Sam Rockwell, Tony Shalhoub, Missi Pyle

Streaming on: HBO Max

Let me know if y’all want a part 2! Stopping here for the night bc I hit the gif limit 😂

[wthtorke]

It’s a yautja’s birthday. Their human buddy makes them or orders them a cake with two figures on it. One of the Yautja fighting the only animal toy they could find.

“Don’t look at me like that, its cake, you like cake, Juju!” 

The Yautja huffed, pointing at the bright, glittery pink monkey toy that was ‘fighting’ a clearly human-made yautja toy on top of the cake. 

“We watched king kong last week! It’s perfect! I’m a genius”, Daya said, a clear smug look on her face as she thanked invisible clapping around, Juju shaking his head at her craziness with a dash of stupidity. “It’s chocolate, Juju, do you have any idea of how hard ya girl had to bust her ass to get a chocolate cake around these parts?” Daya said, dragging a finger through the icing on the very bottom of the cake, Juju feigning surprise at that as he cut into the cake, serving them both a slice each, though he knew Daya would most likely end the thing herself later.

“The monkey is just a special touch from the bottom of my heart,” She said in a sing-song voice as she picked up her fork, Juju taking his bio mask off as he sat in front of her. 

Daya bit her bottom lip for a second as she watched him do so, “Hey um, how old are you now?” She asked, toying with the icing as Juju shrugged, “Oh come on, it took me forever to get the birthdate outta you! I need to know for-, reasons.” She said, stuffing a piece of cake into her mouth, Juju staring at her as he lifted his first piece to his mouth as well.

“I’m like, 24-, no, 25, as you know-,” She started, making Juju chuckle, he never needed to wait long until she spilled it. “And I wanted to know because, well you might outlive me, pal,” She said, Juju lowering the small plate with cake as he listened. “No, no, don’t get upset! It’s just-, I don’t know how many birthdays we’re gonna have together, you know? I mean, I totally plan to get you a Godzilla cake next year but, will I ever live to make you a Sharknado one?” She asked, and if it wasn’t so ridiculous, Juju would have been sadder.

Also, the fact he hated Sharknado with all his power. 

“What I mean is, I like you a lot Juju, and I don’t plan on dying anytime soon but, let’s just make most of these birthdays, yeah?” She asked and Juju nodded, continuing to eat his cake, Daya smiling as she got up to sit next to him, “Soooooo, can we watch the new Godzilla?” She laughed, elbowing his side, Juju sighing as he nodded, Daya running off to probably pirate the movie from some unknown connection.

She was lucky he liked Godzilla.