#and I’m not ready to lose her | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

footballffbarbiex · 11 months ago

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#tw: death #I wish I could stop crying yknow?#it’s ridiculous to mourn someone before they’ve even passed but what do you do when you know they’re committing slow suicide?#to watch them deteriorate and know that they’re deliberately putting themselves through this and refusing care and help #it fucking hurts #and I’m hurting #and I’m lashing out #and I’m not ready to lose her #how am I supposed to tell my daughter?#to delete.#I just need to get this out

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moonkhao · 3 months ago

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hi.

#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone #but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3 #it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere #like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july #which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault #i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY #anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like #flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation #i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D #and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen #it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold #(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all #like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love #ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place #anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls #and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE #he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual #i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now #i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3 #AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks #@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3

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evebestt · 8 months ago

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WIFE

#god I’m obsessed with her hairstyles this season #you tell me I gotta lose HER #I can’t I’m not ready #oh they did a good job #the two trailers was fun #she’s just so pretty I’m never gonna shut up about that #rhaenys targaryen #eve best #hotd #house of the dragon

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awkwardnerdylesbian · 6 months ago

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why is this giving i think i need to put you down vibes

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imogenkol · 5 months ago

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Laura Berlin as Queen Emma of Normandy in Vikings: Valhalla season 3

#Laura Berlin #vikings: valhalla #oc insp: imogen kol #hair down. dark red dress. I’m normal I’m normal I’m normal I’m normal #not ready to say goodbye to her yet 😭 I need an Emma spin-off pls I’m begging I can’t lose her

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quietlyblooms · 2 months ago

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i don’t know everything yet, but i want past life stuff for chiyo’s lads/lnd verse 👁️👁️

#and in general but i’m hyper fixated so asdgh #honestly i will take spoilers atp uvu i don’t mind really bc i’ll still unlock the chapters and lose my mind then #but past lives stuff whether it’s for her verse or not 👁️👁️ gimme gimme 👁️👁️#get ready to ramble | ooc #but who would wade through the overgrown flowerbeds? brave brambles and traitorous thorns? | wishlist

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kuiinncedes · 6 months ago

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:c

#i luv my friends ;-; i feel like i’m gonna lose my mind when i’m not living right by all my friends lmao 😭#i’ve literally been hanging out w ppl like at least every other day if not every day #we made semi spontaneous plan to go to pride tmrwwweww 🥹🥹 i’m excited #i just am so happy that i get to spend sm time w ppl rn bc we’re all somewhat free bc summer 😭#also idk i was just thinking abt this recently but like #it’s kinda new to me to like actually be comfortable/confident in knowing my friends want/like my presence ;-;#even then i’m not that confident LMAO bc after sm time together i’m like surely they’ll get sick of me #like we’ve seen each other every day the past like three days #but no 🥹 ugh like idk man i had one elementary to sort of middle and high school friendship #that like fucked me up i feel like lmfao 💀#like girl sidelined me so much for other friends that i just #:l and cried so much bc of that 😀 anyway 😀#so like idk i’m just so grateful rn 😭😭😭#also was thinking abt it recently bc my mom made me feel judged/ made me feel like she was annoyed that i was staying here on campus #when i technically don’t need to and my main/only reason is bc friends #and after that conversation w her i got kinda annoyed bc i was like #i have had so many conversations w you where i was sad af or frustrated that my friends wouldn’t reach out to me ever #or my friend who never paid attention to me when other friends were around #like i don’t think she’s actually judging like me staying for friends but it was that one conversation we were both kinda annoyed idk #and i was just like . pls #anyway 😀 i always have so many friend thoughts i always be overthinking it LOL #anyway anyway i need to be up in like 6 hrs LOLLLLLL pride tho yay 🥰🥰🥰#rip me not having clean cute clothes for this LOL 🤪#ong last yr i tied my hair in a ponytail w like rainbow hair ties tied down the ponytail……#idk if i have those but if i do maybe i should do that again LOL #idk might be too lazy tho we’ll see how much time i have to get ready when i wake up 🤡#jeanne talks #TOO MUCH BYE

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reversewerewolf · 1 year ago

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she finally stopped sleeping on my head and went back to sleeping in my arms, thank god

#the pupperino #i’m gonna be sad in the tags now.#god willing she should still have a few years but her kidney disease has progressed #she’s lost a lot of weight and her creatinine levels are a good bit higher than her last vet visit #it’s not her time yet luckily; again we should have a few more years with her #but i’m going to lose her sooner rather than later and i’m never going to be ready for that #raised this little brat from a kitten. i’ve had her since i was 14 and i’m in my 30’s. i can’t even think about it too hard

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milimeters-morales · 5 months ago

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NO OMG I FUCKED UP ANOTHER TOOTH BC OF MY PEPPERMINTS AGAIN

#AND I JUST NOTICED TOO #IT HAS A BIG CHIP IN THE SIDE. DUDE. WHAT THE FUCK #i’m not ready for it to start hurting noooo omg i think that’s one of my good teeth too i’ll have to go to the dentist what the fuck #i’m so upset . i hate going to the dentist they are so mean and ruthless and just don’t explain shit no matter how you word the question #and leave you doing the wrong shit for years #but i can’t go through tooth pain for three years straight again i can’t do that again i’ll become even more depressed #i’ll lose whatever self confidence i had left oh my god #oh my god i fucking hate my teeth why can’t they just be NORMAL JESUS CHRIST #i’m not ready to be back in that chair with random men stabbing me and getting mad at me #i’m not ready for the shame at all but i don’t want to risk a heart attack oh my god my stomach hurts so bad #if i could just go back in time and force my mother to force me to brush my teeth so i develop the habit and not have to deal with this +#irreversible bullshit that’s my own fault??? i would do it in a heartbeat oh my god #fuck it why even involve her. i would go back in time and scare my younger self so bad into doing it and i know just how to #but the reason is so embarrassing yeah i fucked up my teeth like last time with the same candy . please don’t mock me #not spiderstuff

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itspileofgoodthings · 1 year ago

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there’s such crystalline gentleness and delicacy in you’re losing me. like—there is nothing mean-spirited about it at all. it is the antithesis of every “be careful bro she’ll write a song about you” jibe because it ISN’t some petty side-swiping attack; it just steps back and with clear eyes and an aching heart reveals the truth of it all. and it’s just—honestly, it’s full of love.

#there is more love in you’re losing me than in her love songs about him #to me at least #the truth and the devastation and the pleading but also the clarity and it all comes from love #idk. It’s such a perfect and powerful song #I’m ready for a breakup album the likes of which the world has never seen tbh #Yes yes I know that’s not her sole purpose in life #but speaking as a fan!

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lovelyisadora · 6 months ago

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I am never ever ever sharing a bed with my mother on a road trip ever again holy fuck

#she is snoring so fucking loud!!! for two hours now I have been completely unable to sleep!!!#I think I’m actually getting ready to lose my mind. I am so close to actually kicking her off the bed #like I’m going to cry. she is so loud. I can hear her even with my headphones.#I can’t sleep with music on but I figured I could at least drown out her snoring. no! I cannot!#I can hear her over the music! that i have way too loud bc her snoring is that loud!#if I go any louder I’ll fuck up my hearing worse!#for the rest of the road trip if there is not a space for me to not share with my mother #then I’m not fucking going this is unbearable #oh and I have sun poisoning lol. great day all around

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thychesters · 1 year ago

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i know i should get back to the straw hats vs oars fight but kuma just beamed perona to mihawk’s mojo dojo casa house and i only have so many marbles left to lose

#instead i’m reading survive the night and getting ready to watch the main character lose her marbles!#same boat! mannnn i was going to write more this weekend too #kate blabs

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victimized-martyr · 2 years ago

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Are you optimistic about season 26?

erm um… no?? 🥲

Season 25 and Streaming Wars had their moments, but overall the delivery of ideas felt lackluster. Much like the last 2 years, I expect a running theme. Essentially, the season won’t really be a season per se, but acts as narrative buildup interspersed with side episodes—though they will loosely connect to the season—leading up to the 2 specials airing later this year. It’s a solid game plan on paper, but s25/SW was super dodgy. I feel the saving grace was Tolkien’s renaming, and Cartman’s whole hot dog arc thing that just got set up. I know Randy was given competition (finally! the little resistance and pushback to his hijinks has done serious damage to his character) but really the biggest takeaway I’ve seen from fans/merch is stuff from Cartman’s arc. (cartitties).

However, I feel Matt and Trey have been revitalized by the concert, Casa Bonita’s opening, and their deepfake deal. It’s a double edged sword though, because now Mattrey are juggling the opening of a restaurant, production for the video game, their deepfake studio… I’m worried their attention will be divided and affect the quality of the story this season.

TLDR: Very mixed feelings, though not quite approaching cautiously optimistic… I expect the fresher ideas (HotDog) to get sidelined and Randy will remain in focus.

#south park #I’ve no doubt Trey will apply his patented Two Sides: Rivalry setup between Steve and Randy #and their rivalry will take up like. 60% of the plot #and Trey can be a lil shit so i’m ready for when he’ll be like ‘yeah it’s the randy show again deal with it fuckheads🤪’#meanwhile the more interesting arc is sitting. right. there. in the bg #a buddy and I were realizing Cartman has been taking a turn these past few years and the hotdog is the culmination of that #his motivations are transparent to those closest to him (butters+ liane in s25) and he’s frustrated by his #inability to adapt #Liane’s putting her foot down so that will be VERY interesting to see how the Cartman family dynamic will evolve #and we expect the boys to start closing off Cartman for taking advantage of their kindness #idk. he’s losing his grip on liane and he needs to lose his grip on his friends. I think we’re gonna start to see the latter #I think?? Trey is taking him.. well not towards redemption but… somewhere???#and I do wanna see stan and tolkien hang out more and maybe that’ll cement the changes in the group dynamic #or maybe it’ll only affect the bus stop openings lol idk #I do feel their friendship is delicate rn and Help My Teen was a step but there’s more re-bonding left to do #and the physical separation of them all is gonna make that a bit more difficult #it’d be nice to see a growing dynamic between Kyle and Kenny. we have! no episodes centered on their dynamic!!#they give me the impression of ‘oh we’re good buddies but only hang with a group and never outside of it’#they’re the weakest relationship of the 4 for sure and these circumstances can remedy that!#…. watch trey do absolutely nothing with kyle and kenny except have them be reactionary :’)#asks

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goldheartedsky · 1 year ago

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#just got the call that my dad’s moving to hospice tomorrow and it’s probably not going to be long #and I don’t know if it was a premonition or God but I just knew after I FaceTimed him on Sunday that this was going to happen #like I knew exactly what my mom was calling about when I saw her number pop up #and even though I knew it was coming I’m still not ready to lose my dad #personal

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luminarai · 1 year ago

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#my Mom keeps bringing up how our family dog doesn’t have a long way to go anymore #and like #where we’re gonna bury him and so in #and it just keeps wrecking me #like she wants me to be emotionally prepared but I’m not #I’ve already lost two very near family members over the past two years #and I love that stupid silly old dog #I just keep crying at random times because I can’t stop thinking and it hurts #why does grief never get any smaller #my life gets longer and my knowledge and experiences grow but the fucking grief stays static #it just appears in new forms. every time I think I’m ready to move on it takes a new form #I love that silly stupid old dog!!!! and I can’t handle losing him I can’t #I just need everyone I love to stay and not change and to stop the match of time #is that really too much to ask #sorry about this unhinged rambling I’m currently sobbing into a pillow #death mention tw #cecil blogs her life #pet death mention tw

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quietlyblooms · 5 months ago

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if i don’t get to write chiyo getting injured trying to protect your muse/while fighting beside them in any of her au’s, then what’s the point??

#if i 👏🏻 don’t get 👏🏻 to write angst 👏🏻 then what’re 👏🏻 we doing 👏🏻#asdfg i’m hyped up from reading forgive me :’ )))#i just know she’d try to make light of it and joke around no matter how bad the injury might be #and for her it’s kinda like?? ‘ohh thank goodness it’s me and not them. pls let it always be me and not them’#and it’s making me feel things #like what would you do if a bloodied chiyo held your face and asked if you were okay?? looking all concerned 🥺#but if you asked her she’s smiling and saying it’s just a scratch don’t worry!!#gonna lose it thinking about this before bed goodbyeeee #get ready to ramble | ooc

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