#and I’m happy to have been able to have super interesting thoughtful and respectful discussions from time to time

[nightcolorz]

if u are comfortable with this topic, do u have any thoughts about (tw: marius) how armand would think about what happened with marius in his early life? would he eventually think of it as csa or would he be uncomfortable thinking of it (or himself) in that way. in canon it seems he thinks of it as a “positive” contrast to his assault by slavers. but at the same time he describes being very helpless and not even totally understanding what is happening at first. and the conflict over marius denying him the chance at a normal life and isolating him from humanity could almost be a metaphor for grooming and abuse.

hi anon!!! I’m happy to talk about this 🙏 amazing question. Tw sa and csa talk, obvs.

While I like the idea of Armand being able to process his relationship with Marius as traumatic, I’m not sure if he could ever rlly reach that point (at least book-wise). Armand has a warped perception of the type of dignity/autonomy/right to feel comfortable, safe, etc that he is entitled to as a person. He was so deprived of that type of basic respect in childhood + his whole life that he isn’t able to rlly conceptualize being deprived of these things as “wrong”. He has internalized himself as sort of an inherently lesser commodity that will always be used for other’s gain. And so with this in mind he has a sort of “beggars can’t be choosers” view of kindness and love. So with Marius, I don’t think he registers the sexual abuse as bad since he was non consenting bcus he doesn’t understand bodily autonomy as smth he’s entitled to or something he expects to have. Also, since Armand sees Marius as so good, loving, merciful, etc, he can’t rlly wrap his head around him being abusive. Armand thinks of Marius as his loving father + the love of his life who saved him from human trafficking and took him under his wing, and I think bcus of how highly he regards these actions, any abuse he’s put through is thought of as an acceptable exchange for everything he has been gifted.

Bcus of how Armand doesn’t see Marius having sex with him as a child as abusive, u can see he has this disconnect as an adult when interacting with Marius where he feels the affects of the abuse but doesn’t understand why they are there. In the vampire Armand he recognizes that he is uncomfortable around Marius and hesitant to trust him or interact with him, but he doesn’t know why he feels this way, and seems to consider it an irrational reaction he should get past. I think Armand definitely knows to an extent that Marius mistreated him (tho I don’t think he considers their sexual relationship part of this), but I think he doesn’t feel any real resentment or conscious grief over this resentment, again bcus he never felt that he was entitled to being treated well in the first place.

Marius is more aware of how he has wronged Armand then Armand is 😭 and I think if they were to discuss this Armand would find it unsettling or even angering. Armand definitely grieves being deprived of his humanity, but he I think sees it more as a tragic inevitability than a fault of Marius’s, while Marius definitely sees it as his fault. If Marius were to apologize to Armand for turning him so young I think Armand would get rlly upset, partly bcus he would find the implication that Marius regrets keeping him alive super offensive and devastating, and partly bcus he would find the explicit acknowledgment that his gracious caregiver did not have his best interest at heart and acted in ways he knew were selfish and would harm Armand, earth shattering. It’s more comfortable for Armand to believe that he wasn’t being abused by the one person he believes ever cared for him, then to recognize that so many of his issues were willfully caused by him.

I think that by post canon Armand would definitely be aware that by modern standards of morality and law his relationship with Marius as a child would be seen as predatory and sexually abusive, but I don’t think this would influence how he perceives it very much. I think he’d be able to reach the place where he recognizes that it is always harmful for children to have sex with adults, but I think he’d continue to see Marius and him as this single expectation to this fact that somehow made it out fine, bcus of time period or vampirism or whatever yada yada. Being sexually abused by Marius contributed heavily to Armand discovering his sexuality and learning how to have relationships, and even tho it was definitely traumatic, I think Armand considers it a necessary trauma that taught and shaped him more then it scarred him. Armand resents Marius for abandoning him after he was kidnapped by the children of darkness, and for depriving him of being his companion (cough cough bcus marius doesn’t respect him or care for him as an equal or individual cough cough), but I don’t think he is able to recognize that the sexual abuse was just as harmful and a part of this behavior.

I also have a feeling that Armand doesn’t want to acknowledge that being sexually abused by Marius was wrong bcus he feels at fault for it (since he enjoyed it and willfully took part in it as he got older), so I imagine bcus of his deep seated religious guilt and shame he sees himself more as an instigator for sexual violence bcus of his “seduction” then a victim of it. Which I definitely relate to! Armand is such a greatly upsetting example of how complex cases of sexual abuse and grooming can be hard to cope with by victims who felt that they enjoyed it, initiated it, etc. Our culture sees sexual abuse as this very straightforward rapist vs victim scenario, when in reality it is often much more complex, often with victims who have positive feelings towards their abusers or felt that they asked for/enjoyed the abuse. Armand has experienced the straightforward blameless type of sexual abuse, and he has experienced the complex kind, and part of his trouble with recognizing that both were abuse comes from how limited the understanding of sa was in his time. I also think that he refuses to acknowledge that his relationship with Marius was sexually abusive bcus he finds it more comforting and empowering to think of it as beneficial then abusive. The reality that Armand was sexually abused for his entire life until he was turned is probably sm more difficult to accept then he was sexually abused in his early life and then rescued from it by Marius.

even tho Armand isn’t able to consciously acknowledge that Marius abused him, that trauma definitely lives in his body and affects him daily. The lesson that Marius taught him by having sex with him the first night he took him home is that for Armand, love is inherently transactional and inherently selfish. Ppl who love u r entitled to use u, being made to feel helpless, scared, hurt, etc by someone who loves u is normal and part of the deal, giving up ur bodily autonomy in a relationship is part of loving, love is pain and sex is meant to hurt you, etc. and all of these internalizations are a major factor in how fucked up all of Armand’s romances r 😭 and how much trouble he has with attachment and keeping up healthy relationships. He sees his relationship with marius as the blueprint 😭💔 Marius was his father, and he is always clinging to these life truths his father taught him in childhood.

I like to imagine it is possible for Armand to heal from this abuse, and to accept that it was abuse, but the reason I hesitate to picture it is bcus of how incredibly difficult it would be for him. To heal, Armand would have to literally rework the foundation his entire worldview, and to reassess his entire sense of self and (already fragile) understanding of his own life and how it’s affected him. Someone needs to get him a good therapist, cuz oh boy, that is not the kind of work anyone, let alone someone like Armand, can do independently.

thank u sm for the ask I loved writing and thinking about this!!!! Anon u r so so sweet to be so considerate towards me, but for further reference I love to and am very comfortable analyzing and talking about Armand’s history of abuse, and anyone is free to send me asks prompting me to go into depth about it. Thank u again anon ❤️❤️

[mrsmandalorian]

meeting your parents

--cowboy!joel x techie!f!reader

-one-shot in the city lights, country nights series

summary: a year into your relationship, your mother learns about your relationship with joel. she insists you bring him to dinner after you agree. joel gets rewarded for his good behavior, though.

series masterlist/main masterlist/word count: 3.4k

warning: 18+ mdni, reader is able-bodied, no outbreak AU,  pet names (baby, angel, darling), fluff!!!!, flirting, make-out, drinking, parental issues, talk of trauma, drinking, handsy make-out, oral sex (m receiving), sexual teasing, joel's southern charm 🥵

a/n: howdy, everyone! i hope all is well with everyone! i am super sorry for the delay in this. i hope you all enjoy it! comment, reblog, and like to show your love! i appreciate you all! much love 🫶🏼 maddie

It was common for you to have noon meetings during the week. These meetings ruined your lunch break and made the day go by longer. Your break was usually when you got to catch up with Joel and socials throughout the day, so this meeting ruined your vibe. 

You sighed in relief as your boss let you all out about ten minutes earlier than usual. Gathering all your items, you hurry to your little office and get out a little lunch from your bag. You grab your phone, planning to text Joel when you see your mother has tried to call you. After closing your office door, you call her back with a slight eye roll. 

Your relationship with your parents was okay, but you were very independent and broke many generational curses that disappointed your mother. Your mom was the type to try to set you up with all her friends, coworkers, and kids, and she wanted you to go to the University of Virginia like her and your father. You have never told her about Joel. The two of you have been together for almost a year now. You were not ashamed of your sweet and sexy cowboy at all. You just enjoyed the peace of them not knowing. Your parents were just tricky and old in their ways of thinking. That’s why you did not get along. 

“Hi, honey! I thought you would be on a lunch break, but I guess not,” she uttered as soon as she answered, causing you to shake your head. 

“Hi, Mom. I had a meeting during the first half of my lunch break. I'm just calling you back. How are you today?” you asked as you sat back in your chair. Your mom only calls every other week, usually to get gossip for her book club or country club women's group. Your apartment was about thirty minutes from their house, but you only went over once a month, if that. 

“I’m doing okay. Leanne just told me some interesting news,” you could hear the fake grin on her face as she spoke. “It was about you.” Why the hell would she know anything about you?

“Oh really? What did she have to say?” You hesitantly asked her as you sat up, wondering what her friend had news about you. 

“She was telling me about how she was on your side of town going grocery shopping because there were better prices on fruit and vegetables there. She ran into her old construction worker, and once she got to the check-out line, you were there with him checking out two lanes down all lovey-dovey.” She began her speech on ‘how could you’ as you started to fidget your fingers across the top of your desk. “Hello, are you there?” 

You slowly take a deep breath before you respond to her. “I’m here. Yes, he’s my boyfriend,” giving her a short response was the best you could do right now as your stomach turned. 

“Boyfriend? How old is he? Leanne says that he has kids! Honey, you are only twenty-five years old! You don’t need to be with some older man and some woman’s kids.” She nagged back at you, and your fingers were immediately at the end of the call button. 

“Mother, whenever you find the time to be respectful and happy for me, you can call me back, and we can discuss Joel.” You say as you finally hit the end call button and let out a shaky breath. You sit back in your chair, wishing you could simply disappear to your country heaven. 

It took her three days to call you back. You almost did not answer, but your drive to the ranch was on a Friday evening. I was hoping you would lose the phone service anyway. 

“Hello, sweetie. I am sorry for how I reacted the other day,” she started the talk in a sweet apologetic tone. It caused you to wish you had not answered. 

“I’m not saying I forgive you because you said very unfair things about Joel the other day.” You replied quickly as you continued to drive farther away from the city. 

“I know. I judged a book by the description and cover. I am sorry, sweetie.” She lets out another apologetic plea. “I was calling to apologize for my behavior, but also invite you and Joel for dinner at the house on Sunday if you are both free. Your father and I would like a chance to meet him.” 

You bite your lips as she speaks and tap your fingers along the steering wheel. “ I will have to talk to Joel about it. I’ll let you know by tomorrow morning.” 

The rest of your conversation was short as she tried to catch up with you a little. Because of her old manipulative ways, you knew not to play too much into her games, but she was still your mother. You eventually lose service before you get to the ranch, so you end the call. You try to relax a little before you pull into the driveway as you roll down the windows, enjoying the cool breeze. 

The drive past the ranch gates was quiet; usually, you could see someone out in the pastures. You pull into your regular parking spot and still cannot see anyone around. 

Sassy comes running the house from the direction of the barn, barking at you. She let you give her some quick love but started herding you towards the barn. “Alright, I’m coming,” you say to the dog as you follow her directions. As you come around the side of the house, you see Joel waiting for the two of you to join him with a smirk. 

You noticed he was covered in dirt and sweat when you approached him. His black T-shirt helped hide some dirt, and his large biceps peeked out. His large, dirty hand was wrapped around a cold yellow can of Coors. “Howdy, sweetheart,” he greets you with a gentle hand around your waist, pulling you into a small peck. He didn’t show much affection because Ellie and Tommy sat with him. It all looked like they had a rough day.

“You guys just slacking off and drinking today?” You joked with them as you pulled away from Joel to hug Ellie. You reached up to wipe some dirt off her chin like a mother. Ellie and your relationship was something you worked hard for. She gave you hell, but you won her over reasonably quickly. Her protectiveness over Joel was the biggest obstacle, but she accepted you in her small circle after seeing how you cared for and loved him. 

She jokingly pulls away in disgust, which makes you roll your eyes dramatically. You hear the sound of a cooler opening as you turn towards Tommy, yellow jacket in hand. He nods and gives you a beer, “Evening, city girl. I would hug you, but your old man decided to work my ass off,’’ he jokes with his giant smile and southern drawl. If you had not found Joel and Mariah wasn't in the picture, you could picture yourself with Tommy. You lift your beer to the two men (Ellie is still a senior in high school, but Joel told her she had to wait till she graduated to drink with them) as you all take a sip of the beer. 

“As much as I would love to sit here and drink beer all night. I need to go get ready for my hot date,” Tommy says as he finishes his beer in two big gulps. He lets out a loud belch as he grabs his cooler and puts it in the back of his truck. “I will see you guys in the morning. Call Ellie if you need anything. I will not answer if you call me.” 

You all chuckle as he waves and drives off down the driveway. The three of you all chat while you finish cleaning up the stables; then Ellie says she’s going to her room to shower so she can go into town later. 

Joel gently pulls you into his chest as the two of you watch her walk up to the big house. “You look mighty pretty today, little lady, but you seem tense. Let me help you with that.” He whispers into your ear as he moves your hair. Joel cups one side of your cheek as he pulls into a passionate kiss, pulling away slightly with a smirk and then going back in. He starts kissing down your neck, to the collar of your shirt, and to your ear. His wandering hands move from your waist to your bottom, kneading your ass. He held you still and gently guided you against the wall as he continued to kiss and let his hand wander. 

“I need to,” you stopped, letting out a small moan as he started to move his hands under your shirt. “I need to talk to you about something, Miller.” You couldn’t help but bring it up as it weighed heavy on you. You wanted to go ahead and get it over with, then ride your cowboy from sunset into the night.

Joel quickly stops his movements as his body eases off you gently, his concerned brown eyes meet yours. “What is it, darling?” He asked as he rubbed his hands gently on your hips, his eyes scanning your face for an answer to what could be wrong. 

“My mother called,” you say as you lay your hands on his chest. “She has invited us to dinner on Sunday. Her friend saw us together the other day and spilled the beans. We don’t have to go through.” 

“Why won’t we go? I mean, it’s been a year now,” he rubs your shoulders to reassure you that everything will be okay. “It would be nice to meet the parents who made me my favorite person.”

“She said some ugly things on the phone about our relationship. I made her call me and apologize for it,” you quickly tell him as you bite your lip, waiting for his response. 

He runs his thumb across your cheek as his brown eyes intensely meet yours. “I’m happy that you stood up for us. We can go, baby. I will just blow their socks off with my Southern charm,” he whispers as he kisses your forehead. Joel was insecure about never being good enough for you but never worried about other people’s opinions on your relationship, especially the age gap. 

“I’m sure you will,” you mumble back as you lean into him to give him a heartfelt kiss. “Now, we can resume our activities, cowboy.” 

Sunday evening came too quickly for your liking. You and Joel drove into the city together, and Joel drove your little sedan, which was always cute. You pull into your parent’s driveway with a slight groan escaping your lips. Joel’s hand gently rubbed your thigh, comforting you, “We got this, darling.”

Joel dressed more than usual in a solid button-up shirt rolled up to his forearm with nice dark jeans. You wore a simple dress that made you guys almost late whenever Joel saw you in it. 

Joel takes the lead as he gets out, opens your door, and helps you out of the car. He holds your hand as you both walk up to the door.  You ring the doorbell and look at him quickly with a small smile. He squeezes your hand and slightly winks as the door swings open, revealing your father. 

There is silence as your father awkwardly stares down at Joel, which causes you to stop breathing for a second. Joel breaks the silence as he lets go of your hand and puts it out for your father to shake: “Good evening, sir. I’m Joel Miller.”

Your father glances at his hand and shakes it hard. “Nice to meet you, Joel. Please don’t call me sir; we are too close in age for that. I’m Dave.” He says it almost as a joke and moves out of the way to let you in. You give Joel an eye roll about the comment as he walks in with his hand on the small of your back. 

“Dad, don’t be a dick,” you say as your mother walks into the room. She looks horrid at what you just said but gives Joel a small smile.

“Hello Joel, it’s so nice to meet you finally. I’m Tracy. Our daughter has been keeping you hidden,” she jokes beside your father, then gives you a death glare to behave. The tension in the room was giving you significant anxiety as you fidgeted your fingers as you all walked into the living room. “Would either of you like to drink? Dave could get you a beer or whiskey, whatever you like.” 

Joel looked calm and collected as he sat beside you on the couch. Your mother sat across from the two of you on a decorative chair. “Thank you. I’ll take a whiskey,” Joel responded as he smiled back at your mother. Your father started rambling about his whiskey collection, and Joel entertained it. He was putting that Southern charm to work tonight. 

The tension faded as you all sat at the table in the dining room, which your mother had beautifully decorated for the night. You helped her serve all the food. Joel tried to help, but you told him to return to entertaining your dad. 

As you help your mom in the kitchen, “I like him. I’m sorry that I judged him too early,” she says as she finishes plating the last dish. “I’m happy he makes you happy. I think I was just hurt that you kept it a secret.” 

You smile at your mom as she does a genuine behavior. She was lovely, but she could be very fake with her friends. “I’m happy you like him, Mom. He’s pretty okay,” you joked as you hugged her quickly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I have no excuse for it.” 

“I can’t blame you either, honey. I didn’t tell my parents about your father until we moved in together. They were pissed when we got married three months later,” she giggles as you carry out plates to the table. 

Everyone starts eating as you all make small talk amongst each other. 

“The dinner is excellent, Tracy. Thank you guys for inviting us over for dinner,” Joel says after he wipes his face off with his napkin and then places it on his lap again. The two of you had been playing footsie under the table all night as you sat across from one another. You also took your shoe off and teased his crotch every once in a while, which caused you to get a stern look from Joel. 

“You are more than welcome, Joel. I’m so happy you guys are here,” your mom says back to him, smiling happily. The southern charm was still heavy as Joel won everyone over more and more, especially your dad—even the discussion of going to a University of Texas football game next season and a visit to the ranch soon. 

“Joel, if you don’t mind me asking, I heard from my friend that you have children. How old are they?” your mom asks as she finishes her meal. She seems genuine with her question, and there are no games. 

“I don’t at all. They are one of my favorite topics to discuss besides your daughter. I have two daughters, Sarah and Ellie. They are both seniors at the high school in the closest town to the ranch. Sarah comes from my previous relationship; her mom left us when she was two. Ellie is my not legally adopted daughter, and she is a spitfire. Ellie’s parents should burn in hell for how they were treating her. Luckily, she and Sarah were close enough for her to say something, and we could help her,” Joel spoke, and it made you want to get emotional as he talked with such love for his girls. They are his world and mean everything to him; he will do everything for them if they let him. 

“Aw, I’m sorry for the hardship of being a single parent. It is hard, I bet,” your mom says as she gives him a small smile. 

“My brother, Tommy, and his wife, Mariah, have been there for me as I am with them. This little lady has been heaven-sent as the girls get older and more challenging. Changing the diapers is easy, but feelings and relationship trouble are more challenging,” Joel jokes as his brown eyes meet yours with a grin. He reached across the table to your hand and held it briefly.  

Dessert was served, and the men drank one more drink as they helped wash the dishes in the kitchen. It was finally time to start heading back home. Your parents walked you out and gave you both hugs and farewells. 

Joel gently held your hand as he walked with you to the side of the car. He helps you in with a squeeze of your ass out of sight of your parents. As Joel pulls the car out of the driveway, you wave back to your smiling parents. 

“They loved you and your charm, handsome,” you look over at him with a smirk. “I think you deserve a reward for your good work.” You slide your hand over his clothed crotch, which earned a low groan from Joel.

“Are you trying to wreck us, darling?” He asks you with a chuckle and bats your hand away from him. “Either wait till we get away from the street lights or get home.”

“What if I didn’t do either,” you teased him as you slowly slid your hand back over his crotch. You bite your lower lip and palm him gently as you bat your eyelashes at him. 

“You better, or your ass is grass when we get home,” he grumbles as he bats your hand away. “You only have to wait ten minutes. I don’t want to get pulled over with my dick out.”

The next ten minutes were full of you teasing Joel as he got more and more sexually frustrated with you. As soon as the city lights went out of sight and pastures started, Joel gave you a stern look. “You have been teasing me all fucking night with that damn dress and your under-the-table activities. You will be punished for that,” he sternly tells you as you get an idea to get yourself out of trouble. 

“Or,” you dramatically drag the R as your hands slide back over to Joel’s clothed erected crotch. “I could reward and ask for your forgiveness now.” You trusted Joel that he could handle driving if you continued to pleasure him, and you would stop if not.

He lets out a shaky breath as you start to unbutton and unzip his jeans. You spit into your hand as you begin to pump his cock in a rhythm that makes him groan loudly. Eventually, after your hand starts to sting, you lean over and take him in your mouth. 

“Fuck, darling,” he lets out as his non-driving hand entangles your hair, gently pushing your head in rhythm as you are going in. “You’re going to make me come, angel.”

You continue to bobble your head down as your tongue glides against him, with some extra pressure applied that causes him to grip your hair a little harder. His quick breaths come a little sooner than you thought. You work him a little harder as you meet his brown eyes with big eyes. 

“I’m about to come, darling. Do you want to swallow?” he asks as he tries to calm down to give you time to answer. You nod and make an agreeing noise as you continue. Shortly, white ropes are shot into your mouth as Joel’s moans meet your ears. “Fuck, good girl.” He reaches down and cups your cheek as you pull up. “Just wait till we get home, little lady.”

“Oh, I can’t wait, sir,” you giggle back as his hand wanders under the skirt of your dress. He runs his thumb over your clothed pussy, which causes you to spread your legs. Joel teases you until you pull into the driveway. 

“You better get inside and on all four in about two minutes,” he warns you as he parks the car with a smirk. 

Luckily, the girls were away at a friend’s house because the two of you had a very energetic night from the couch to the bathroom shower. Joel’s Southern charm worked for him and worked with everyone, especially you. 

thank you for reading!let me know what you think!🤍

[shipcestuous]

There has been some ongoing discussion about Chris and Cathy’s relationship in the books. (All posts with commentary about their relationship are in this tag.) The relationship is controversial and we’re not all going to agree and that’s OK. I don’t want to participate in or facilitate a debate because that’s not what I want to focus on, but I recognize there aren’t really any other great places for that to happen, so I apologize that I can’t be a better host for that. I appreciate the interest and the participation. I’m going to answer the most recent asks I received on the topic, and if anything else comes in, it will be added to this post instead of posted as a new post. Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts.

Anon:  No hate to the anti-chris anon, i also appreciate the respectful way they disagreed, and i have no dog in the fight personally, but i thought it brings up a bit of a funny concept to me that an incestuous pairing needs to be declared as toxic when most people would consider the fact it is incestuous to be toxic enough, like, we kind of have to grade on a curve here, lol. In most cases, especially with canon incestuous couples, it is going to have some aspect of their relationship be "toxic", because the people that are making this content are afraid to show a loving, happy and healthy romantic relationship between relatives, that doesnt have a tragic backstory, like being abused and neglected, that as a result, encourages their forbidden love. Or at least it makes normies feel better about the fact that it could never happen in real life, except in these super specific dysfunctional situations. Its very rare for these characters not to have toxic traits, such as being controlling, jealous, violent, or straight up criminals if the pairing is canon and not just imagined, but we take what we can get in that department. And i personally enjoy some angst, its part of the appeal to me, but the darker parts (i.e m*rder and r*pe) i am able to dissect from a pairing i like and just pretend it doesnt exist in my head canon, especially in the cases where there is a tragic ending, because otherwise it'd hamper my enjoyment severely. Not to mention, these are fictional characters, i dont necessarily think we need to apply real life judgement on them, yes they are toxic by real world standards, but thats why they end up together, if they werent abused and neglected, they probably would have ended up with "normal" lives, and the ship wouldnt even exist, its just the nature of how incest shipping goes. 

You’re very right that most content creators are afraid to show loving, happy, and healthy romantic relationship between relatives. Even independent content creators are reluctant. Even if they’re not afraid of backlash, it’s like there’s this fear that it’s inferior because it’s unrealistic or something like that. Ironically, it’s the edgiest thing you could do. 

There are going to be two different kinds of fans - those who are willing to “grade on a curve” (I like that analogy a lot) and those who aren’t. I have nothing against those who have to approach it objectively, but as someone who has suffered through so many ships that have gone sour or ended in ways beyond saving, I’m definitely prone towards being forgiving to the few that aren’t as bad as the others or taking what I can get. 

I also think it’s OK to ship something as if some event or whatever had never happened. It’s basically just an AU fanfic in your head. 

@sassybisquit:  So, I have to say something in response to the anti-Chris anon. These books are not romances. They are, all the way through the fourth book, primarily about how victims become villains (while still remaining victims) and various consequences of that and trying to work off the bad you've done and not pass on the bad way you've been treated. And still failing. That's the plainest way I can say it, and I'm annoyed I have to. That's all I'm going to say, besides the fact that I don't think Chris was bad for Cathy or treated her badly (besides the very important plot-wise, but not romantic, rape). But everybody can have different opinions, which is great.

FITA gets marketed as a romance sometimes, but in my mind, it’s in the horror genre. 

I do think that VC Andrews - and as a result, Cathy - puts the blame for the sexual assault on what was done to Chris and not as much on Chris himself. And readers are going to approach that differently. Authorial intent is a whole debate unto itself. 

[loevhyuck]

i wrote the mark question! super respect your answer and appreciate you taking the time to write a thoughtful response. it’s funny you say you struggle with accepting your bisexuality bc that’s exactly what i struggled with too, and thought that marks words were incredibly similar to what i used to say to myself. mark also had to grow up from a very young age, just like me. i noticed him talking in interviews around child era that he still feels like a child on the inside which is common for people who struggled through things they couldn’t control in their childhood. i also think that’s why he’s such a perfectionist and so hard on himself, it’s the one thing he can control, himself. and i can’t even imagine the pressure of the public eye on him at all times especially from such a young age. i think he’s done a beyond amazing job of handling himself and his career while working through all of these things that could be happening. unfortunately i haven’t had the chance to watch the documentary yet. maybe things will make more sense once i watch it

thank you so much for the question :( it was really interesting to answer because actually, to be honest, i've been thinking about this for a while too. even though mark said, in the documentary, the question of who he is has a lot to do with the fact that he's in two units + superm and that he doesn't know whether he's canadian or korean, i think it's a little deeper.

bisexuality is a very sore subject. i live in a homophobic country where i can hardly ever be happy with a girl because i will always have to hide if I don’t want to move. like i need to date man. and it's even worse here than in korea, and i really don't understand why people expect anything when you could lose everything. but here the problem is that I’m not sure how much i’m not deceiving myself and whether i’m really bisexual. where is this spectrum and what makes me bisexual and what doesn’t. just as i would be “more normal” if i were straight. If in adolescence I didn’t think much about it, now it has intensified tenfold. why can i experience all this and is it really a part of me, as far as it makes sense. as well as the inability to really tell anyone this.

yah. it's true. i have the same feelings about growing up quickly. as well as his words that he would like to finally grow up by 30. that he still doesn't feel old enough. or when they were previously asked in 2017 whether mark would like to grow up, he answered no. but it seems to me that he is very reasonable, but still childishly naive. smart beyond his years, but very much in himself and with his own thoughts. he is self-absorbed and it seems like both success and loss for him, because his thoughts eat him up. but i hug you two tightly.

considering how much workload he had over these ten years, it’s really impossible not to be proud of him. but it’s so sad to see how much he worries about his career, what he wants to do and how much energy it all takes from him. especially when he answered the op that his hard work and how hard he works is not something worth striving for. can we just support him? because when you are under constant stress, good words will never be superfluous. he matured very quickly and took responsibility for his actions, in words, he put everything on his career and I don’t think he will ever be able to walk away from that. at least I'm glad that he is surrounded by people who love him. his family, members, loved ones/friends. is his latest interview for the october magazine so sincere? especially when a seemingly perfect person in everything says how envious he is of those who are confident and love themselves.

thank you again :( it’s very interesting to discuss this with you. a big hug.

[xplrvibes]

i personally don’t like Bella because of both her pick meism and also because she reminds me of Ariana grande and I have a deep distaste for her, it runs deep in my soul so… and larri was annoying, too loud and joking too much. always with the “let’s get out of here” and you know that’s where gets me - why accept the collab if you’re going to be that obnoxious for one straight hour? it’s alright if you’re a skeptic and all but what do you expect of a place that inspired a horror movie franchise? flowers and chocolates and a welcome hug? come on, man. be serious for a second. and the whole melodrama heaven is real and it’s good and we’re okay? i HAVE to pass on that one, I’m sorry (not to say it’s not real by the way). let’s be logic here for a second (or as logical as discussing paranormal activity goes): do any of us really think that Abigail has ever seen or touched what Catholic Church describes as heaven? the old lady is stuck to a wooden, ancient house acting as its protector for years and years now and sometimes apparently she still thinks she’s in the 1800s and that the house looks the same? …yeah, she ain’t seeing no heaven. for the first hour of the video, I’ll give it a 2/10, one point for the effort and another because i’m in a good mood. to me, it was a waste of one perfectly good hour that could’ve been a perfectly good investigation had they not, well, wasted it. very hard to sit through it all and I skipped so much just bc i was bored. for the last 30-ish minutes, I’ll give it a 7/10. great pacing, thrilling times in those woods, the married couple bickering, Estes method with Colby is always an event on itself so I’m glad he was the one that went under first and sam’s turn was also very interesting and not half as bad as I thought it would be. guess he’s becoming more open and whatnot so who knows. last half should’ve been the whole hour tbh

(Third episode ask, will get to the fourth episode shortly!)

See, I don't know Bella at all so I don't know what she's like outside of this video - but as far as the video goes, I'd say she doesn't even Crack the top 10 of most annoying guests. Moat boring guests who didn't really do anything, sure. But, I don't know. She was fine, I guess.

Larri was too much. The flirting with Colby was funny, sure, mostly cause Colby accepts all flirts with this hilarious sort of pleased air about him, and he had a fee good lines - but overall, there was way too much joking and I kind of get tired of it all after a while. It's very reminiscent of the 2019 era of haunting, which does NOT hold up well, if you ask me.

Anyway, after they had their turn with the Merry Knockers, they really got serious and the vibes changed for the better, so I can respect and appreciate that.

And see, what I got out of their whole afterlife discussion with Abigail was more broad than being able to be specifically applied to one religion in general. It gelt more like she was saying, "hey, things are good after death. nothing sucks and everyone is happy," and, while super vague, to me that almost comes across more as a message that everyone gets their happy ending - no matter what your happy ending may be.

I guess Abigail's happy ending is to be perma-glued to her house for all eternity, so congrats to her, I think? 🤣

Anywho, I agree with you. The first half was entirely skipable; the second half is where the video got really interesting to me. The boys are just so much more in tune with each when they can be alone together, and I feel like everything works so much more.

Maybe that's "their" thing.

[kimtaegis]

👋 2022

[bakugosbratx]

Hi hi! Congratulations!! 🎊

Could I please request a fic with Eren or Levi and could they have some yandere tendencies? Like they’re too protective, gets jealous easily, would absolutely fuck you until you’re screaming so that the guy who’s been checking you out heard?

NSFW 18+ Let them hear you — Yandere Eren Jeager x Reader

Warning: 18+ Content. Sexual content, bdsm, degrading, unprotected sex, oral, non-con, abuse, possessive, toxic relationship, gaslighting, Jean abuse, punishment, violence, etc.

Words: 1.9k

Check out my other works here

A/N: Hey love. Thank you so much for the request! I hope it meets what you are looking for. I am only on the third season so I apologize in advance for anything that seems uncanny. Enjoy.

P.S. I am still on break but I am trying to complete some request that have been sitting in my drafts. I miss y’all and will be back before y’all know it. Thank you for all the love and sweet messages.

“Eren, what are you—“

“Shut the hell up, Y/N.” Eren seethed through gritted teeth as he pulls you along. The death grip on your poor arm is making you cry out in pain. This only infuriated him more.

You did nothing wrong. You were eating your lunch with Mikasa when Jean strolled on over. It is not a secret that Jean likes you. Everyone knows that Jean likes anyone with a pulse. You have told the man multiple times that you are not interested — along with Eren — and you have a boyfriend, but it does not stop the man from trying. Especially when Eren is busy.

“Hello Y/N.” Jean greeted with a flirty smile. Your eyes couldn’t help but roll.

“Hello Jean.” You sigh as he sat across you two.

“What’s with the sad face, pretty thing? Eren got you down?” Jean chuckled before taking a bite of his sandwich.

You scoffed. “Me and Eren are doing just fine, thank you very much.”

“Well, your face says otherwise. If you ask me, I’d say you can do better than that douchebag anyways—“ Jean’s spill got interrupted with a hard punch to the side of the head then another one to the nose. Gasp filled the room as eyes landed on who did this to the man. No one was surprised to see it was Eren himself.

Eren grabs Jean by the collar of his shirt, lifting him up to meet his height. Eren’s natural blue eyes were filled with rage. “You son of a bitch. Why the fuck are you flirting with my girl, Jean? She told you more than once she’s not interested.”

Jean manages to release himself from Eren’s grip, stumbling to keep his balance. This is not the first time these two have had altercations with one another.

“Ha, you don’t see the way she looks at me. Besides,” he pauses to wipe the blood leaking from his nose, “she was totally flirting with me.”

“Bastard!” Eren bellows as he goes to attack again, but the higher ups stop him along with you and Mikasa.

“Eren, stop.” Mikasa and you demand, hanging onto his arms.

“Let go of me! I’m going to make that son of a bitch pay.”

“That’s enough, Jaeger.” Captain Levi scolds. Eren snaps out of his rage to meet the small man’s eyes. “In my office. Now.”

Though Eren is still angry, he still knows when to show respect. Especially when it comes to the higher ups. Everyone in the room knew this.

“Yes, sir.” Eren sighs, still breathing heavy.

“Eren,” You began with sorrow filled irises. Though this is in no way shape or form your fault, you cannot help but feel the guilt within your bones. If only you would have done more than maybe Eren would not be in this situation.

Eren just glared down at your small frame compared to his, clearly not happy with you. It was a look you know all too well and you know you will be in for it later. Your heart pounded against your ribs at the thought.

“We’ll talk later.” Eren hissed before following Captain Levi to his office.

Jean did not mess with you for the rest of the afternoon. Eren was sent to clean up the horse stables while the rest of the team did their chores. Eren made sure to have his eyes on you anytime you were in close proximity. His glare was one you always refused to meet with your own two eyes. It made you feel small. Just like how Eren wanted.

Your anxiety has been through the roof all day. No one can blame you, though. Eren is a loose cannon on a good day. So, your super barely being touched was noticed, but not discussed amongst your peers.

Strong hands touched your shoulders. You jumped out of reflex. Looking up, you see your boyfriend looking down at you.

“Eren!” You exclaimed with joy and fear. He noticed both emotions.

“Follow me.” Eren orders, patting your shoulder more rough than he should have. You did not even have time to comply as his hand snakes around your bicep and pulls you along.

“Eren, you’re hurting me.” You whine as he pulls you towards the closest bedroom available.

“Eren, what are you—“

“Shut the hell up, Y/N.” Eren seethed through gritted teeth as he pulls you along. The death grip on your poor arm is making you cry out in pain. This only infuriated him more.

Slamming the door open, he ushers you along inside and swiftly closed the door behind him. Your hand wraps around your now warm, pulsating arm. You can feel the heat from Eren’s glare down onto you. You start to tremble.

“Eren, I—“

“I said shut the hell up, Y/N.” Eren growls. He has taught you more than once to respect his orders, but you just cannot seem to listen. You will pay for that sooner than later.

Eren leans against the door, arms crossed as he heavily sighs. “What were you doing with Jean earlier today?” He finally asked. You turned to face him.

“N-Nothing!” You stammered. You know this made you sound guilty, but you are actually innocent. Just Eren knows how to intimidate you and when you’re in this position, your nerves take over.

Eren scornfully chuckled. “Please, do you really think I’m that dumb, Y/N?”

“I’m telling the truth, Eren! You know I don’t like Jean.” You spat. Your blood is boiling at this point. This accusation has been thrown at you more than once in your relationship and quite honestly, it’s getting tiring.

“Watch it.” Eren warned. You know you are not supposed to raise your voice towards him. He has corrected that behavior more than once and will do it again if necessary.

“Why was he sitting with you at lunch?” Eren interrogates after he notices you lose some confidence to yell at him.

You let out a deep sigh. “He just showed up. You know how Jean is.”

“And you didn’t stop him?”

“What was I supposed to do?” You questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Tell him to fuck off!” Eren barks.

“And I did!” You argued back.

A small shriek escapes your lips as Eren charges towards you, wrapping his hand around your throat, and pushing you down onto the nearest bunk bed. You struggled to untangle his fingers as they squeeze your throat tightly.

“What did I say about talking back, slut?” Eren growls.

“I-I’m s-sorry, E-Eren.” You managed to get out as you lose circulation to your lungs.

“Oh, you will be. I’m going to make sure this filthy little mouth of yours will not be able to talk for weeks.”

Eren finally let’s go of your throat. You immediately cough. There is not enough oxygen in the room to get to your lungs fast enough it seems. Eren would argue and say you deserve it.

You hear a belt unbuckle along with his pants unzipping. His pants hang low on his hips as he watches you collect air. By the way his boxers are fitting quite snug, you know what is coming.

“On your knees.” Eren demands, pointing towards the creaky wooden floor below. You shook your head no, your eyes pleading. Eren did not respond to that well as he grabbed a hand full of hair and forced you to the ground.

“Do you ever fucking listen? I said on your damn knees.” Eren growls. You did not even have a chance to explain that you are not in the mood because Eren’s length is now being stuffed down your throat. You choked on Eren’s cock as every inch was entering your mouth.

Your nails clawed at Eren’s clothed abdomen. His hand never let up on your hair as he thrust in-and-out of you. You are choking, coughing for air, but Eren refused to show any ounce of mercy. In fact, he found it quite amusing. You should know better than to disrespect your boyfriend.

“Where is all that back talk now, princess? Don’t have shit to say with my cock down your disrespectful ass throat, do ya?” Eren mocks as takes another rapid thrust down your windpipe. Drool covered your chin and Eren’s dick. You can feel his girth stretch out your throat and he loves it. He loves seeing you struggle.

Pre-cum started to leak from his erected member. You are mentally thanking your maker. You needed a break and a gasp for air, but those prayers were answered quicker than expected. Eren pulls out his cock from your sore mouth. You let out pitiful coughs as he stroked himself to the sight of you.

“Strip then get in doggy.” He demands. Not wanting to make this worse for yourself, you do as your told. You are not even sure whose room this is. You just hope they do not walk into see the sinful things you and Eren are doing.

Each article of clothing fall to the floor and you get in the position Eren wants you in. All of your delicate tight holes are displayed for his taking. He walks over and spreads your ass out some more to get a better view. You yelp when a hard slap hits your ass.

Without warning, he brings you closer to him by latching his hands onto your hips and his cock slips into your tight cunt. Your walls do their best to expand to his girth, but no amount of sex with Eren can get you prepared for that. Your pussy takes in inch-by-inch. His stamina and merciless rhythm is forcing you to be accepting of his cock. Your knees shake under the pressure and your hands tightly grip onto the covers below.

A hard slap to your ass exploits the moan you have his behind your lips. “I kept your throat intact for a reason. Use it.” Eren scolds before hitting your ass again. You whimper.

“Eren.” You mewl.

“Yeah, who is making you feel this good?” He teases as he continues his venomous thrust.

“You do.” You sob. Your pussy is beginning to become accustomed to Eren’s erection and he is hitting all the right spots. He always does.

“Can Jean make you feel this good?” He groans, his knees slowly buckling beneath him.

“Never.” You wail. Your weeping cunt confirmed this as well.

“Damn,” he pants, “straight.”

Cum leaked from Eren’s cock deep into your cunt. You let out little moans as you became stuffed with Eren’s seed. Though you did not like he was not using protection, you have no say in the matter. This is for his pleasure and your punishment. You just have to take it like the good little submissive girl he taught you to be.

You milked every single drop of Eren before you were granted permission to put on clothes. Your hands intertwined as he lead you to the door. There stood Jean, Armin, and Conny. They all looked horrified as well as you. Eren’s smug smirk never left his features.

“What the hell are you doing in my room, Eren?” Jean exclaims in furry.

“Handling business,” he wraps his arm around Jean’s shoulder and let’s go of your hand to pat his chest, “By the way, thanks for letting me fuck my girlfriend on your bed.”

©bakugosbratx

All Rights Reserved

[nocturnalazura]

Reassured You're Worth It

Todoroki Shoto x Virgin Fem!Reader

Minors do not interact.

Warnings| 18+, Loss of Virginity, multiple orgasms, Oral (fem receiving), fingering, minor over stimulation, unprotected sex, cream pie

All characters are aged up

Summary: You've always been a little unsure and nervous about finally losing your virginity, you're boyfriend always said that it was fine but sometimes you over think. So when you get into your own head he helps reassure you and you finally make a decision that you've thought about a few times before. (I suck at summaries)

Just a quick thank you to the anon that requested a first time with Todoroki! This was super fun to right and ended up being way longer than I meant it to be.

It’s a rare occurrence for you and Shoto to have a full night to yourselves. Normally one of you has something to do, you with piles of homework for school, or Shoto has to go off and save the city. So for the first time in what feels like and probably is months you two find solace in laying back on the couch together. Shoto rests on his back half watching whatever movie the two of you had previously chosen while he traces soft circles on your back while you rest on his chest not even attempting to act interested in the movie playing. You lost interest long ago as the couple on screen breaks up for some stupid reason that won’t matter in the end anyway. You already know that the movie will end with them getting back together and of course there will be the obligatory overly dramatic sex scene. You cringe inwardly at the thought of sitting through something that would set expectations to high.

Realistically you know that sex would never be like it was in the movies, but seeing little glimpses of it being so perfect always kind of got your hopes up that that’s what it would really be like. At twenty years old you know that the world doesn’t work the same way as the movies, and people always bitched about how sex scenes and porn were so over rated but you couldn’t help but wonder if they really were. Maybe your first time would be like the movies and everyone was just full of shit and didn’t want to tell you the truth. Or maybe people didn’t want to tell you because you were still a virgin in college and some people found that weird. Which honestly you still don’t get, who cares if you’re still a virgin, not everyone needs to have sex at a young age to have fun plus you wanted to do it with someone you trusted.

Shoto knew you were a virgin and simply stated that he didn’t mind not having sex he just wanted to be with you, but sometimes you couldn’t help but wonder if he would get tired of waiting. Other boyfriends were usually sick of waiting by now and tried pushing for more a few times before you finally broke it off. Shoto’s never brought it up or made any attempt to push you out of your comfort zone, he’s always been pretty respectful when your make out sessions get a little too hot for your liking. The thought of him being your first had crossed your mind more than once, you trust him, and feel comfortable with him. Would he want to? He’s never brought it up maybe because he’s not interested? Suddenly the fingers on your lower back turn ice cold.

“Shoto! What the hell oh my god stop!” You shriek and giggle as you attempt to wiggle away from the frozen fingers. Sitting up on his lap you look down at him only to see him softly smiling up at you.

“Sorry love, but I’ve been saying your name for about 5 minutes now. I could practically hear you thinking. What’s wrong?”

“It’s stupid don’t worry about it.”

“Nothing you think is stupid love now tell me or you won’t be able to stop thinking about it.” He whispers, pushing himself to sit up against the arm of the couch. Biting your lip softly he offers you his hand so you can play with his fingers as you work up the nerve to voice your problem.

“God it’s so stupid, but I just, are you tired of waiting?”

“Tired of waiting?”

“For me.” You whisper softly. When he raises a quizzical eyebrow at you, you swallow awkwardly and continue. “For uhm for sex.”

“Am I tired of waiting for sex?” He parrots back to you. When you nod he frowns slightly and pulls his hand away from yours and pushes himself to sit up fully. “Why do you think I’d be tired? I told you I don’t mind waiting, have I been pushing you? I didn’t mean to. We go at your pace. I'm sorry if I gave off anything but that.”

“Oh, oh Sho no that’s not what I meant at all. You’ve never pushed me to far, I just, god see I told you it was stupid.”

“It’s not. I want you to feel comfortable at all times. I told you, I really don’t mind waiting, I just want to be with you, so what brought this up?” He questions tilting his head and opening his arms for you to collapse into him.

“I don’t know, I see these stupid scenes and I over think, and just I don’t want you to be unhappy. Are you sure you don’t mind waiting?”

“Of course not my love. I want you to be comfortable. If you want to take that step with me one day then I’ll happily take the chance but if you don’t want to that’s fine as well. It’s about you, I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

Nodding you snuggle into his chest and let him resume rubbing soft circles into your skin with one hand while he mindlessly let you play with the finger on his other hand. Resting his head on top of yours as he goes back to half watching the movie. His reassurance in you and your decisions fills you with a sense of comfort and undying trust that you didn’t know you needed. Your body automatically relaxes into him as he turns slightly to press a soft kiss to your forehead before smiling softly against you.

The two of you continue to enjoy the rest of the night, switching to another movie later on. Filled with soft kisses and plenty of cuddles. When the movie ends Shoto turns so you’re tucked into his side and listens as you tell him how school has been going for you lately. He tells you about some of the less graphic and violent missions and villains he’s taken part in over the past couple weeks. The soft discussion of you finally moving into his apartment with him when your lease ends in a few months makes you both smile. As it gets later the two of you finally pop your comfortable bubble of happiness and finally head to bed. Getting washed up quickly you get into bed together.

“Good night.” Shoto softly whispers into your hair.

“Night Sho, love you.”

“Love you too.”

With that he pulls you just a little closer so his chest is completely pressed to your back. You let the feeling of his chest rising and falling against your back mixed with the soft little puffs of air that escape him relax you. You smile as his breathing evens out as he falls asleep. Your earlier conversation plays over and over in your mind, his instant concern for you and what you want fills your heart with nothing but love. Swallowing down the fear you have you slowly wiggle around in his arms to turn around and face him. His face is perfectly peaceful as he sleeps, you know you’d be making the right choice with him being your first.

However the last few times you’ve thought of finally taking that leap your own nerves got in the way. He’s proven to you over and over again that you can trust him with everything and his words from earlier prove to you once again that you can trust him. Taking a deep breath you finally make your decision. He’ll be staying the night with you again tomorrow and you’ll tell him you want him to be your first. Your body fills with nothing but excitement and nerves at the thought but you do your best to tame the thoughts and sleep.

Unfortunately sleep doesn’t take you right away and by the time you wake up Shoto is long gone. A small note on your bedside table lets you know that he should be home early as he only has some paperwork and meetings to attend to today. Smiling at the thought of him coming home before dark for once. Pulling yourself out of bed you get ready for the day before heading out to the living room to clean up the little mess the two you left behind the previous night.

Turning on some music you lose yourself to your cleaning as you dance around picking up and wiping everything clean. Before you know it the entire living room, kitchen and bathroom are spotless. Moving on to the bedroom you work on changing the bedding and throwing the other set in a basket to be put away later. Looking around you eye the chair settled in the corner of your room piled high with clean clothes. Sighing you decide to finally tackle the dreaded mountain. After what feels like years of putting away laundry you unceremoniously drop onto the bed to rest and scroll through your phone.

A shrill ding rings out as a message from Shoto pops up letting you know he’s done for the day and has picked up food on his way. Smiling, you hop up and head over to the dresser and pull out one of the shirts you’ve stolen from Shoto and a pair of shorts. Changing quickly you head out to the living room just as Shoto unlocks the door with a bag of take out in hand.

“Oh. I didn’t think you’d be here that quick.” You say happily surprised.

“Didn’t want to leave you waiting long so I waited to text you.” He says, smiling softly as you pad over to him taking the bag. Grabbing you before you have a chance to get away he gives you a soft kiss before heading to your room to change into comfortable clothing. “You did a lot while I was gone.”

“Hmm? Oh yeah. I kinda just got into it and kept going.”

“I would have helped you when I got back.” He says settling on the floor in front of the coffee table.

“I know but this gave me something to do while you were gone.” You mumble as you hand him his food.

He rolls his eyes at you with a small smile before grabbing the remote to pick something to watch. He settles on something neither one of you really cares about as you both dig into your food. You only half watch whatever plays as you pick at one another’s food and discuss what happened at his meetings. When the food is finished you two slowly begin to pay more attention to the show. You sit there on the floor together for quite awhile before finally deciding to head to bed. Before you can grab anything to put it away Shoto is pushing you onto the couch and doing it himself ignoring your protests.

“You cleaned all day. I can put away leftovers and take out the trash.” He says pressing a kiss to your forehead before going to take the trash out.

Sighing you settle on the couch and wait for him to come back. Taking a deep breath you decide that once he comes back you’ll finally tell him you’re ready. A small amount of nerves build up again at the thought of finally going that far. Shaking your head you get up and head to the bedroom and wait for him there. Jumping onto the bed you toss your phone onto the side table and settle face down on the bed. The sound of the front door opening and closing again alerts you to Shotos return but doesn’t prepare you for his weight to suddenly drop onto your body.

“Aghkh Sho!” You wheeze out as he lets himself rest on you. “Get off me you ass! You’re heavy!”

“Well now that’s rather rude of you to say. I don’t feel like moving for someone who insults me.”

“You’re literally all muscle! You’re gonna kill me!!” You squeal as he lets more of his weight drop. Laughing slightly he wraps an arm under you and flips the two of you over. Wiggling out from under his arm you sit up to flip yourself over to look down at him. “Rude.”

“You’re cute.”

“I know I am.” You smirk as you lean down to kiss him.

Shoto happily sighs as your lips slot perfectly against his. His hands carefully roam the tops of your thighs before creeping up the back of your shirt slowly.

“You look good in my clothes.”

“Mmm that’s why I wear them.”

Shaking his head he tangled a hand in your hair pulling you back down to him. It’s a familiar thing for the two of you, long drawn out make out sessions with a small mix of groping and grinding against one another until you finally reach the edge of your comfort zone. His hands roam over your body easily, memorizing every little detail they touch. Shoto grabs greedy handfuls of your ass as your mouths work together. His hands knead at the fat of your ass as he uses it as leverage to move you against him.

You both groan into the other's mouth as he pulls you to softly grind against him. You moan sweetly against him as you feel his cock stir beneath you. He lets out a soft grunt as you grind down a little harder on him. Pulling away from the kiss he lets his head rest against the pillows as he looks up at you with half lidded, his thumbs rub soft circles onto your hips as he watches you move against him. You keep your movement at a steady pace as you watch his face twitch and contort softly with every little grunt and groan he lets out. The feeling of his hardened cock pressing against you as you move against him has your already slightly dampened panties soaking uncomfortably quick as you think of what could possibly happen.

“Y/n, love tell me what you want.” He whispers up at you softly.

“I want you.”

“Want me to help get you off love?” He mutters leaning up to kiss your neck as he lets one of the hands on your hip slide down to the waistband of your shorts.

“Shoto, I um, I want want you.” Swallowing your nerves you continue “I’ve been thinking about it and I want it to be you.” You whisper softly leaning in to press a soft kiss to his cheek. “I want you to be my first.”

Gnawing on your bottom lip, you finally sit up to look at him fully. A bright blush rests over his cheeks as he stares up at you with wide bi colored eyes. You watch as he swallows hard before finally nodding, seeming to have finally processed everything. Letting go of you he pushes himself up to rest against the headboard before bringing a hand up to your cheek and pulling you close again.

“You’ll tell me if you want to stop right?”

“Of course, I trust you Sho. You’ll um take the lead right?”

“If that’s what you’re more comfortable with of course.”

“Yes please.”

Giving you a quick nod he pulls you into a soft kiss before letting him slide back down the headboard to rest amongst the pillows with you on top of him. He lets his hands drift down to your ass again to coax you back into grinding against him. The two of you continue that way for a little while, simply kissing and nipping at one another. Groaning against you he wraps an arm around you tightly to quickly flip the two of you over. Sitting up on his knees he quickly pulls his shirt over his head smirking at the way your eyes rake over his toned torso. He fiddles with the hem of the shirt you're wearing waiting for your nod of approval before pulling it off to admire your naked torso. You fidget slightly under his gaze fighting off the temptation of covering your bare chest.

“God you’re beautiful.” He whispers leaning down to pepper soft kisses across your face before diving down to press harsher ones against your neck. His hands cautiously creep up your body to softly grope at your breasts. “You’re so soft and perfect love.”

You relax again at his words letting him touch you the way he pleases. A small moan escapes you as his thumbs toy with your nipples softly, fingers kneading into the plushness. Shoto lets out quiet hums of happiness at the feeling of finally being able to hold and touch you in all ways. He carefully begins to work his way down from your neck, pressing little kisses against your skin. He nips softly at the soft skin of your breast peeking up at you through his hair before moving slightly to allow his teeth to graze your already sensitive nipple before carefully letting his lips wrap around it. He softly laps and sucks at it, switching to the other when you arch your back pressing him further into your chest.

“Sho, keep going please.” You whine tugging at his hair.”

Humming against you he starts moving again, leaving little kisses against the soft skin of your belly until he reaches the waistband of your shorts. He kisses along the edge before lifting his head to look up at you as if asking permission to continue. When you give him a small nod he wraps his fingers around it gently before tugging your shorts and panties down in one go leaving you completely bare to him. You can’t help the nerves that suddenly swell up inside of you as you clench your legs together in a small attempt to hide.

“Please don’t hide from me love, you’re perfect.” Whispers Shoto running his hands along your sides in an attempt to ease your nerves. “We can stop if you’re not ready.”

“Sorry, just a little nervous.” You whisper, taking in a deep breath you let your legs relax. “Keep going, I trust you.”

Smiling at you sweetly he moves to spread your legs and settles himself in between them. He’s touched you before but having him this close to your soaked center is oddly nerve wracking. Soft hands rub against the tops of your thighs before pushing your legs just a little further apart. Once settled he uses his thumbs to gently spread your lips apart to look at your clenching little hole. Shifting slightly you throw an arm over your eyes to avoid looking down at him until you feel it.

You let out a surprised moan as Shoto licks a strip up your soaked little pussy. He eagerly groans into your core as he continues to let his tongue explore as you moan and tug at his hair. His nose softly bumps and rubs against your clit as he eagerly licks into you, letting his tongue explore you and happily letting your taste coat his mouth. Moving up he sucks softly on your clit as he slowly circles a finger around your entrance coating it in your slick. Moving your arm you finally look down only to be met with Shoto’s hazy lust filled gaze as he sucks at your clit and carefully works a singular finger into you.

“Oooh Shoto!” You moan out tugging at his hair as he groans heavily against your clit.

His eyes gaze up to your through a lust filled haze as he slowly pumps his finger in you as he lets his tongue lap at your clit. Popping off your clit he speeds up the pace of his finger and changes his position to lean over you as he watches your face for any kind of discomfort. Twisting his wrist ever so slightly he finally hits the little spot inside of that leaves you moaning freely. Carefully he eases in a second finger slowing the pace down and letting you get used to the stretch. When your mouth drops open with a low moan of his name he picks the pace back up, letting the pads of his fingers press against that spongy spot inside of you.

“You’re so good for me my love. Look how perfect you are.” He groans out as he feels your walls clamp around him sporadically. “Your pussy is so pretty baby, look how cute it looks wrapped around my fingers.”

You rock your hips up into his hand, looking up at him with little tears dotting the corners of your eyes. Licking at his bottom lip he drops back down between your thighs letting his tongue play with your sensitive little clit. Your hips shift around relentlessly at the stimulation until he throws his free arm over you to hold you in place as he pressed his fingers into you faster.

“Shoto! M’gonna cum.” You squeal as he licks and sucks at your clit harder pulling you closer to your end. FInally he presses a third finger in officially pushing you over the edge at the added stretch and pressure.

“That’s it love, cum for me.” He grunts out as he eases you through your orgasm. He carefully pulls his finger free of your spasming walls before leaning down to lick a long strip up your slit. Shoto eagerly licks at slick the drips from you, softly pushing your legs open as they threaten to close around him.

He lets you whine and tug at his hair as he digs his tongue into your now drenched and stretched little hole. He shoves his face into your center letting his nose rub against your now sensitive clit as he licks into you groaning as he ruts against the bed as the taste of you spreads throughout his mouth. Grunting into he switches between licking at your clit and pressing his tongue as far into your spasming walls as he can. The feeling quickly begins to overstimulate you as he smothers himself in your pussy. Your hands scramble to push him away as he goes back to focusing on your clit again as the feeling of another orgasm quickly creeps up on you.

“Sho! Too much!” You cry out as he sends you crashing over the edge again. Finally you manage to push him off of you as your legs shake around him with tears running down your face from the over stimulation.

“Fuck, sorry love.” He says breathing heavily. He quickly wipes your juices from the bottom half of his face with the back of his hand before moving up to lean down and kiss you softly. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long. You okay?”

“Uh huh” you mumble through a head filled with a lovely pleasure haze.

“Do you wanna stop here?” He questions pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“No, I really want to keep going please. I wanna know what it feels like to have you in me please.” You whisper blinking the haze away.

“Yeah? Ok, fuck we can do that.” Swallowing thickly he gives you another quick kiss before pushing the rest of his clothes off quickly. You watch with wide eyes as his hard cock slaps up against his lower abs. “You can say no still at any point ok?”

“I know.” You whisper as you pull him back down to you for a long drawn out kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He mumbles against your lips. He settles himself over you, one arm holding himself up while the other reaches down to tease the blunt head of his cock against your soaked entrance. “Ready?”

“Mmhmm” You hum out quietly leaning up to kiss him softly again.

Licking his lips Shoto watches you closely as he slowly works on pushing into you. He offers a small chorus of praises as your face scrunches up at the slight stinging the unfamiliar stretch causes. The arm not holding him up quickly comes up to tangle your fingers together as he finally bottoms out within you. He leans down bringing you into a soft kiss as he stills, letting you adjust to the new feeling.

“You’re doing so good love. Feel so good already.” he mutters against your cheek, squeezing your hand tightly. “Tell me when you’re ready.”

Nodding softly you let your face relax as you take in a deep breath. Suddenly you're very thankful for his earlier prep and over stimulation as the small sting still rings throughout your body lightly. Peeling your eyes open you look up at Shoto, admiring the way his hair falls around his face. When he takes note of you looking up at you he smiles softly and kisses you. He rests his forehead against yours.

“Move Shoto.” You whisper softly, squeezing his hand.

Sucking in a harsh breath he slowly eases his hips back only leaving the tip in before pushing back in just as slowly still giving you plenty of time to adjust. When given no indications of unease, he builds a slow pace letting you feel every inch of him as he pushes into you. Slowly he feels your body relax against him as he rolls his hips into yours. His own body relaxes slightly when your mouth falls open and softly little moans finally begin to spill from it.

“Mmm Shoto, feels good.”

“Yeah? Fuck, you feel amazing love.” Shoto says grunting softly into your neck. He lets out a low moan when you shift your hips to wrap your legs around his waist successfully pulling him deeper into you. “Shit, it’s like you were made for me.”

“Faster Sho. Please.”

Biting into your neck softly he works his hips faster into yours groaning when you begin to roll your hips to match his pace.

“That’s it, good job baby. So good for me baby girl”

The two of you build a comfortable rhythm as the soft rhythmic sound of skin slapping together mixed with your soft moans and his grunts fills the room. With every thrust his cock kisses at your cervix filling you to the brim. The veins that litter his cock rub at all of the little sensitive spots within that up until this point had never been touched. Letting go of your hand he pushes his free hand underneath you pulling you closer to him.

Your eyes roll back as the angle is slightly changed and his tip rubs effortless against that little spongy spot with every single thrust. You bring your arms up to wrap around Shoto’s shoulders to claw at his back. You feel your cheeks flush as you look up to see Shoto watching every little move you make, from the fucked out little faces to the way your breasts bounce as he fucks you. His pupils are blown as his face is drowned in lust from watching you. He grunts heavily when your walls eagerly clench around his cock.

“Love you so much baby, so fuckin’ perfect and tight around my cock.” He states with a particularly hard thrust.

“Love you too Sho, feels good.” you moan eagerly pulling him down and into a sloppy open mouthed kiss. “Shoto! Wanna cum.” you moan into his mouth.

Nodding with a quiet grunt he pulls his arm out from underneath you to push it between the two of you. He fumbles around for a second as you clench around him again before regaining his composure and rubbing tight circles against your clit. As the added stimulation courses through your body your mouth drops open allowing soft pants and moans of his name to fall freely from your mouth. Finally he pushes you closer and closer to the edge of your third orgasm as he slowly speeds his thrusts up just a little more. Your legs tighten around his waist pulling him even closer as your walls spasm around him helplessly.

You look up at him, letting a warbled chorus of his name fall from your parted lips as you push your hips harder into his. Nails bite into his shoulders as a final hard thrust pushes you over the edge.

“S-s-shoto.” You whimper out pathetically as you come crashing over the edge. Your head tipped back into the pillows as your pussy creamed around him, walls spasming in attempt to milk him. “ Sho! F-fuck Sho.”

“Shit, shit that’s it baby, fuck good girl.” He groans above you rolling his hips a little slower to help work you through your orgasm. The feeling of your velvety walls clenching around him forces him closer to his own end. “Fuck ok baby, ‘m gonna cum, shit where should I?”

“In! Please Sho wanna feel it in me.”

“Fuck. Y/N fuck, shit.” He grunts into your neck as a shudder rocks through his body just as he pushes all the way to the hilt and begins to fill you. The tip of his cock presses snuggly up against your cervix as hot spurts of cum fill you. His hips give a few half assed thrusts as he finally stills above you, breathing heavily he lowers himself to rest on top of you still holding up the majority of his weight in an attempt to not crush you. “Baby, you okay?”

“Uh huh, I’m I’m ok.” you whisper, eyes closed as you attempt to regulate your breathing.

Pushing himself up just high enough to look down at you, carefully he brings a hand up to push a few stray strands of hair out of your face. Your eyes flutter open slowly only to be met with Shoto’s slightly concerned face.

“Are you sure you’re ok love?” he questions caressing your cheek softly.

“Yeah I’m sure, I feel good.” You say offering him a small pleased smile before turning your head to kiss his palm softly.

“Good.” He whispers leaning down to kiss you softly. “I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“No, it was perfect. I made the right decision.” You whisper pulling him back into a kiss. When you drop back to the bed you look up at him with slightly tired eyes.

“C’mon lets get you cleaned up so we can go to bed.”

He slowly pulls his now softened cock out of you watching as his cum slowly drips out of your abused little hole. You whimper quietly at the now empty feeling. Shoto presses a soft kiss to your forehead and a mumbled “sorry”. Getting off the bed he quickly pulls on his previously discarded sweats and heads to the bathroom. He comes back with warm wet cloth, climbing back on the bed he carefully works on cleaning up the mess between your legs and tossing the cloth into the nearby laundry basket. Grabbing the shirt he was wearing earlier he helps you sit up and slips it over your head.

“Need anything?”

“Cuddles?”

“Of course.” He says laughing softly. He quickly switches off the lights before laying down and opening his arms for you to curl into his chest. Once you settle he wraps an arm around you and presses a kiss to your forehead and offers you a hand so you can play with his fingers. “So worth the wait?”

“Oh yeah definitely. What do you think, was I worth the wait?”

“You are beyond perfect my love. I’d wait a thousand years to be with you.”

“Mmm that was so cheesy Sho.”

“I know, but it’s true. I love you Y/n”

“Love you too Shoto.” You mumble out.

The soft rhythmic beating of his heart lulls you to sleep. As your breathing evens out Shoto can’t help but smile down at you passed out against his chest. Everything around the two of you just feels right at this moment. Even when you would wake up the next morning with a soft ache between your legs you’d kiss him happily and say it was worth it.

[divinefireangel]

Hello ✍️Writer✍️, I would like to 🤌request🤌 a reaction where their s/o likes ❣️kissing❣️ their ❤neck❤ 🌠Innocentlly🌠but it 🌌turns the 🕺Bois💃 on🌌 🤡accidentally🤡 Thank you for blessing us with your Beautiful 🤌 beautiful 🤌 works✍️❣️

Idk why but so many emojis are making very happy 😂

I HAVE SO MANY DRAFTS HELP

Warnings: Suggestive? Fluff? Crack? Well idk. Mentions of food. Domestic af SF9. Yes that is a warning. Sensitive neck! SF9. Just go with it 💀.

Youngbin

"I'll hug you and you click the picture"

"Okay. But you'll have to help me angle it properly cause of your outfit."

"I know I know. Just turn it a bit towards me. Okay. Yes!" You exclaim finally happy with the angle. Clicking a good number of selfies with your boyfriend Youngbin, you check them to make sure that you atleast got a few you can post.

Monitoring the pictures along with you, Youngbin holds you close to him even after the photo session. You see, there was a wedding. One of your friend's. And being your boyfriend, Youngbin offered to be your date.

So here you both are, all doll'd up and pretty, finally taking couple pics after what seems like forever. Smiling happily you bounce on your feet. The pictures turned out perfect!

To celebrate, you kiss him joyfully, well you ended up kissing his neck because that the height you are able to reach with your heels right now. Pulling away with a small smile, a frown takes over when you notice your lipstick mark on his neck.

Widening your eyes, you panic trying to figure out how you can remove the mark quickly. Remembering that you have tissues in your bag, you take take it out and begin to clean.

"I'm sorry. I forgot I had lipstick." You say sadly, but concentrating on the task in hand. Youngbin, however, is still frozen in his spot, not even moving his eye lids. When you finish and move away, he breathes out contracting his chest.

"Jagi." He huffs slowly. "You, you can't just do that." He says in a small pout.

"Do what?" You look in his eyes. Realizing that you meant nothing by it, his face just breaks into a smile.

"Nothing. Let's go. Or we're going to be late!" He exclaims wrapping his arm around your shoulder, pulling you to walk with him.

Inseong

A lovely afternoon spent with your boyfriend. Aka. You having your nose in your novel and him having his nose in his novel. It's actually something you both do often. And then comes the regular discussing favourite parts, which he claims is the best part of your mini book club.

You were both seated at opposite ends if the couch, when you huffed closing your book. Now, normally you would've finished it, but for some reason your eyes were starting to lose focus. Maybe it was stress or overworking. Keeping the book on the table in front of the couch, you slowly crawl away from your side to his.

Peering over his shoulder, you try to see what page he is on.

"What are you doing?" Inseong asked with a smirk.

"Nothing. Just cuddling my super cuddly boyfriend" you said whilst moving your legs on his lap and hands landing around his shoulders. Kissing his cheek with a smile, you nest your head in his neck, closing you eyes when you feel his arm on your back.

Blinking your eyes open, you mindlessly pout, tired and a bit bored. 'Hmm, he smells nice', you think to yourself. Sliding your head back a little on his shoulder, you start to drag your pouty lips against his neck, occasionally pecking it too.

Biting his lip, Inseong shuts his eyes, moaning in satisfaction as you kiss his neck. Giggling at his reaction, you stop what you're doing. "Are you actually getting turned on by me just kissing your neck? " you ask with the biggest smile on your face.

Reciprocating your smile, Inseong chuckles, opening one of his eyes to look at you. "Not my fault. You just know how to drive me crazy for you." He says leaning forward to capture your lips in a dizzying kiss.

Jaeyoon

Sitting on a chair near the dining table, Jaeyoon scrolls through his phone, scouring for a new recipe to try out. Finding one that seems interesting, he clicks on it and starts to read. Being so engrossed in learning it, he fails to notice you come out of the bedroom.

Almost walking past him towards the fridge, you stop in your tracks and decide to have some fun. Tapping his left shoulder, you wait for him to turn but quickly move to the right. Snickering silently, you repeat the same action again, now tapping his right side, but he notices your hair before you moved.

Chuckling he looks down shaking his head. "Jagiya, you're very cute. But not very slick." He laughs when you whine into his neck. Relaxing onto his back, you pout sadly.

"What are you seeing?" You ask curiously.

"A new recipe you might like. I think we have all the ingredients, so I was planning on trying it. What do you think?" He hums in question, raising a hand to pet your hair.

"Okay. I'll be happy with whatever you feed me." You reply genuinely. Playing a kiss on his cheek first, he turns to look back to his phone smiling. But you wanted to kiss him more. So instead you just choose to kiss his neck.

Licking your lips a little, you press a medium kiss on his neck, making his stop everything he was doing. Unfazed, you walk to the fridge to take a cold water bottle from it. Turning you gasp, almost colliding into Jae's chest.

"Jae... " you say looking at him, wondering why he's standing so close to you. Sighing he leans down to your height, kissing you on the lips once. Twice. Thrice.

Keeping the water bottle on the kitchen counter next to the fridge, you wrap your arms around his broad shoulders, feeling his back muscles as you make out with your boyfriend. Loving your reciprocation, Jaeyoon lifts you off the ground and makes you sit on the counter, not breaking the kiss for one second...

Dawon

You gasp in surprise when you feel a strong chest hug into you. Kissing the side of your head, Sanghyuk smiles, happy to finally have you in his arms after another long day of work.

"Hi"

"Hi baby. You took a shower?" You ask, noticing that he's wearing only sweatpants.

"Yeah. I went to the gym after work." He replies, walking towards the mirror to apply his moisturizer.

Nodding you change out of your work clothes, finally feeling like you can breathe again. Now it was your turn to hug him.

Approaching him slowly, you tickle your way around his torso and abs, resting your forehead against his ear you sigh satisfactorily. Smiling widely at your clingyness, Sanghyuk continues to moisturize. "Tired?"

Humming a response you open your eyes and breathe out, having closed your eyes as soon as you hugged him. Pluckering your lips, you lean up to kiss one long sweet kiss on his neck. And then another next to it. And another.

"I thought you were tired." He says in a deadpanned tone.

"I am" you hum.

"Fuck it. I'll do most of the work then" Turning around, Sanghyuk stares down at you, biting his lip sexily making your breath hitch and mind go blank. Grabbing your waist in one hand to pull you flush into him, he leans down to connect your lips together while his other hand cups your butt, asking you to jump into his arms so he can take you to bed for a long, long night.

Zuho

You were laying across the couch, you boyfriend Juho sitting on the ground, his back on the same couch near your head. You were waiting for your lunch to be delivered, the app saying it'll take only a few minutes.

The day was spent well with taking the cats to the vet, then going grocery shopping and coming back home and putting them in their respective containers. Of course the whole ordeal tired you both out. So you decided to treat yourselves by ordering in.

You laugh silently as Juho played with Kompangg, making weird sounds to get the feline's attention and to make her meow. Huru of course the rebel, in his own world, sleeping cutely in his bed.

Pulling yourself forward by your arms, you place you head on Juho's shoulder, trying to help him play with his younger pawed child. When she finally meowed after a lot of both of your efforts, you cheer extending your arm to pet her ears.

Smiling at her doey eyes, you place an innocent kiss on Juho's neck, resuming your previous position on the couch.

"Why did you do that? " Juho asks, putting Kom in the ground. Turning to you with a smirk, Juho leans his hands on the couch.

"Do what?" You ask quizzically, cause you really didn't know. Looking at your clueless expression, Juho realizes that you didn't mean anything by that kiss. Pursuing his lips, he looks down on his lap, cringing at his dirty mind.

"Did you think I wanted sex?!" You accuse him when you figure out what he was thinking. Scratching the back of his neck, he laughs timidly trying to think of an excuse when the front door bell rang.

"Ah! Yes food's here!" He says quicky, sprinting off towards the door while you laugh.

Rowoon

Sprawled widely on the bed, Seokwoo replies to his texts with a pout on his lips while waiting for you to join him so he can cuddle you to sleep. Jumping onto the bed, you grab your pillow and lay on top of it for support while looking into his phone too.

"Why do you have so many at this time? "

"I ignored the group from morning." He replies.

Nodding your head, you sigh in exhaustion from the day's work. Pushing half of your body on his, you rest your chin in his neck and close your eyes. What you've been addicted to since dating him, was situating yourself on top of him whenever where ever he lies down. It always gave you warmth. And him a sense of feeling small. He also loves it when you give him a back massage or draw on top of his wide back, just for the fun of it.

"Okay! I'm done. Let's sleep." Seokwoo says making you open your eyes in surprise.

"Okie" you say in a small voice, bending down to peck his neck before rolling off him onto your side if the bed.

Opening his mouth for a good ten seconds, he licks his lips and turns his head to look at you. Seeing you wrap yourself in the comforter like a burrito, he blinks in confusion.

Once settled, you look at him in question, wondering why he isn't tucking himself in. "Why are you not turning? Are you okay? "

Your words pull him out of his trance. Opening his mouth to answer, but closing it again when he realizes that he doesn't have one, he just looks at you.

"Nothing. Good night." He finally says, wondering why such a simple action took him by so much surprise.

Yoo Taeyang

Smiling lovingly Taeyang stands in the kitchen preparing an even more love filled meal for you. He knows how you've only had a small breakfast, so he took it upon himself to make you something delicious for when you come out of the bedroom after attending all your meetings.

Humming along with the song playing in the background, he stirs the contents of the pot. "Y/N will like this." He says to himself. And as if you cue, he hears the bedroom door open and from there came out a very tired you.

Walking into the kitchen, you let your feet drag you till you're behind Taeyang. Wrapping your arms around his torso while being careful of the hot vessel on the stove, you rest your head on his back. "I hate work" you complain pouting.

"I know. " he agrees, chuckling at your childish behaviour. Taking in a deep breath, smelling the aroma of your lunch, you sway in happiness while still hugging Taeyang. Rising on your tippy toes, you place a small kiss on his neck, squeezing him tightly in your arms. Freezing he widens his eyes as his shoulders tense at your actions.

"You're amazing" you compliment him. Pulling away you begin to walk towards the bathroom, completely failing to notice your blushing mess of a boyfriend.

"You can't just do that!" He complains loudly to a still very clueless you.

Hwiyoung

Tired from overworking yourself, you close your eyes leaning back in your chair. Youngkyun was sitting next to you, doing his work. Noticing your despair immediately, he pauses and saves his work first, then yours.

"Let's go take a nap. We've been here long enough." He says, worry laced in every syllable.

Nodding you push your chair back a bit, until your legs are out. Lifting your arms up to him, you silently ask him to carry you to bed. Smiling at your cuteness, he obliges, not having the heart to say no to you. Like always.

And so he gently picks you up bridal style and walks to the bed. And just as, if not even more gently, he places you on the bed. Unfolding the blanket, he spreads it on the bed before getting in with you, making sure you are tucked in well.

Attacking him as soon as he's settled next to you, you throw one leg across his torso and intertwine your hands on his chest,nuzzling your nose shamelessly in his neck. Chuckling he starts to pat your shoulder, back and head, to put you to sleep.

Releasing a breath finally feeling relaxed, you turn your head up to kiss him, not really caring where you ended up kissing him, but you kiss him. "I love you" you mumble against his skin.

Biting his lip, he continues to pat you to sleep, while he lays there wide awake, still feeling the aftermath of your simple kiss. Little do you know, he's silently begging his hormones to calm down or else he will never hear the end of it.

Chani

A typical Saturday afternoon for the two of you. You are engrossed in your work while Chanhee is on his desktop playing games. Being cooped up in your work for so long, you decide that you needed to take a break. Probably a snack too.

Getting up from your position, you walk towards Chanhee's chair to wrap your hands around his shoulders. Smiling when he feels your presence behind him, he just continues to play his game. Playing a sweet kiss on his cheek, you lean your head against his temple, averting your attention to the screen.

"What"

"Nothing. Just trying to see what's so interesting in the game."

Lifting your head to look at him for a moment, you bend down and press your nose to his neck. Giggling at your action, Chani is about to protest when he freezes in his spot. Playing tiny pecks of admiration on his neck repeatedly, you close your eyes happy to be in his warmth.

"Stop! " Chani exclaims in surprise, pausing the game.

Opening your eyes at this sudden outburst, you look at him with curious eyes. "Why?"

"Do you- Are you- ah.... " Gulping he is at a loss for words. Staring at your with wide eyes he just opens and closes his mouth.

Blinking you giggle at his flush state, not really catching what's going on in his mind. "I'm gonna make myself a snack. When you decide what and how you want to tell me, I'll be ready." You laugh exiting the room, leaving a very dumbfolded Chani in your wake.

[epicene-humanoid]

some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times. 

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through). 

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

 and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode. 

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that. 

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous. 

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

[bwbatta]

two - persuasion

Abstract: Draco and you are just friends so doing him a favour and pretending to be his girlfriend wouldn’t effect your friendship, right?

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

Warnings: some swears but that’s all!

Word count: 2623

A/N: let’s go for part 2 then?! Thank you so much for all your lovely comments! Everyone who has asked to be on the taglist has been added and if you would like to be on the list, just send me a message! Dividers are by the super talented @firefly-graphics 🤩

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 3

The plan was set.

Draco and you had talked some more about what being ‘in a relationship’ entailed, whilst at the same time avidly avoiding Pansy in your free time. In fact, you were surprised with how little you’d have to change the dynamic between the two of you.

The first point was friendship, which was easy enough you thought. There’s no point in starting a fake relationship if you don’t get on well in the first place.

Second, communication. You agreed to be open and honest with each other, this whole plan wouldn’t work if you weren’t telling each other everything.

And finally third, intimacy.

This one was obvious enough and it was more than just hand holding or sharing the odd kiss or two, you knew that. It was about selling your relationship to be believable to everyone else around you, including your closest friends.

One of which was Hermione.

The plan on paper was simple, you both said you’d start off small and work your way into being a couple, so why did you feel this pit of anxiety in your stomach?

Nerves? Sure, you chalked it down to that.

So when you entered the Great Hall the next morning, late and in desperate need of caffeine, you somehow didn’t expect your ‘boyfriend’ to approach you with a steaming mug of coffee.

You completely missed the blonde boy too as you took your normal seat with a frantic expression on your face. Your roommates didn’t wake you up like they usually did so when you woke and found no one there, you almost screamed when you checked the time.

“Coffee coffee coffee” the mantra on your tongue “where the hell is the coffee?!”

Hermione looked amused as she packed up the book she was previously reading into her bag.

“Ron finished it moments ago, there’s no more”

“What?!” You blanched “there’s none?”

Hermione shook her head, the answer a definite no.

With energy lacking and spirit deflated, you grabbed a couple slices of toast and buttered them quickly, at least trying to put some food in your stomach even if it wasn’t your usual caffeine shot.

However when Hermione froze slightly, eyes narrowly following something behind you with a glare, you frowned at her confused. That was until Draco perched on the seat next to you, holding a mug of coffee between his hands.

“Granger” he greeted in a civil manner causing the witch to freeze in shock, half expecting an offhand snide comment about her blood status. He then turned to you and offered the coffee, “thought you might need this”

“But I thought there was none left!”

“I saved you it”

“You saved me a coffee?”

“Kept it warm too”

You could’ve cried when you took the mug from him and immediately the drink warmed your hands. Eagerly taking a sip, you found the coffee itself was exactly to your liking.

You went to point it out but before a word could leave your lips, Draco rolled his eyes at you with a smile.

“What? You thought I didn’t know how you took your coffee?”

The question was rhetorical, not that you cared. Exhaustion was the only thing you felt that morning up until then, quickly being replaced with utter fondness for the Malfoy boy next to you.

“Thank you” you told him as he grinned back at you

“Don’t mention it”

Draco raised his hand and swiped away a lock of hair which had fallen out of your two second attempt to pin it back this morning in your rush.

Your breath hitched slightly as his eyes found yours and he leaned in towards your ear.

“How am I doing?”

Your brain stalled.

Right.

Of course.

He was acting like he cared about you in front of Hermione.

To convince Hermione.

Who of course, confirmed with a quick glance, was looking between the two of you with suspicion in her eyes.

Quickly painting a smile across your face like he’d said something sweet, you pulled back and shot him a dazzling smile.

“Alright, I guess” you said, vague enough so Hermione wouldn’t clock onto what he really said.

“Good” he grinned back at you before standing from the seat. “I’ll see you after class later, yeah?”

You nodded at him, and with a fond smile at you and a courteous nod to Hermione, he left the two of you be, heading to his first class.

With the thought in the back of your mind that you should probably also get to class, you were stopped by a substantially confused Hermione who looked at you like you’d grown another head.

“Was I just in some parallel universe?”

“What?”

“‘What?’ Seriously, that’s how you’re going to answer that question?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” you shrugged your shoulders before standing and picking up your bag and the mug of coffee from Draco.

“What aren’t you telling me?” The Granger girl continued to interrogate you as she too stood, though with a lot more vigor.

“There’s a lot of things I’m not telling you Hermione, but if it’s anything to do with Draco, I don’t know what you mean”

Striding out the Great Hall, she quickly followed you, pestering for more information which you avoided expertly until you got to your first class you shared.

“Why did Malfoy get you coffee?”

“Because it was a nice thing to do”

“Why was he civil with me?”

“Maybe he’s seen the light”

“(Y/N)! Tell me! I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight otherwise and you know it!”

With a sigh you turned to face her.

Putting on a performance like it was tough for you to keep a secret, you ‘umm’d and ‘ahh’d under her questioning until you really had had enough of the interrogation.

“Okay, fine, we may or may not be dating” you said like it wasn’t a big deal

“What?!”

“Miss Granger!” Professor McGonagall’s voice snapped “if you’re so done with your conversation, perhaps you could start writing your essay?”

“Yes, Professor. Sorry, Professor”

With a glare shot your way, meaning she’d grill you later for information, the bookworm turned back to her work and started writing furiously.

It was later that day that you found out that Lavender Brown had overheard your conversation with Hermione and so naturally, the gossip that you and Draco were dating was spread across the entire school.

Some believed the rumour, others didn’t so much. This of course included Blaise, the Weasley twins, and of course, the ever stubborn Pansy.

When the boys finally cornered each respective friend, they of course had some questions that needed to be addressed. 

Blaise cornered Draco first at Lunch. 

The Malfoy boy had just started to tuck into his food when a book slammed down on the table next to him, startling the boy. 

Blaise pinned him with a hard look.

“Is it true you’re dating (Y/N)?”

“How’d you hear that?!”

“Word gets around fast... so, is it true?”

“Yes it’s true” Draco rolled his eyes at his friend

He was honestly shocked at how quickly the rumour had gone round the castle, though he suspected some of the Gryffindor girls were behind it. They always seemed like they pounced on any gossip going.

This also meant, Pansy had probably heard it by now.

Draco’s interest peaked.

“Who’d you hear it from?” The blonde asked his friend

“Bulstrode of all people” Blaise rolled his eyes “thought I might’ve found out from my friend himself but apparently not”

“Sorry man, it only really happened yesterday”

Blaise waved his apology off

“So tell me, is this for real? It’s not a prank or anything, she knows you think you’re going out with her right?”

“Yes, (Y/N) knows we’re going out” Draco rolled his eyes in exasperation “she’s also not being forced or blackmailed into going out with me if that puts your mind at rest”

This wasn’t technically true and Draco fought the urge to cringe slightly as he remembered the deal he had made with you.

Despite the other copious Christmas presents he had to get you, being civil to Granger wasn’t so bad he remarked. They only shared a few classes, all of which were with you present, so all he really had to do was ignore the fact the muggleborn witch existed and he’d keep his side of the deal up.

“Good” Blaise huffed, finally sitting down next to him “can I ask you something though?”

“You just did”

“Smart arse” Blaise rolled his eyes but continued on “what made you ask her out?”

Draco paused.

You hadn’t actually discussed this so there wasn’t a definite plan on what response to give. The boy trusted himself to come up with a decent answer though so instead of panicking, he said the first thing that popped into his head.

“I’ve been in love with her for years”

Well... he didn’t expect that to be his response.

“You have?” Blaise asked also taken aback

“Umm, yeah, sure, she’s the one for me you know?”

Draco kicked himself once again

Why couldn’t he think straight?!

“She’s just... she’s so funny, you know? One of the funniest people I’ve ever met. Her laugh, man, is enough to make me laugh even harder because have you heard it?! It’s hilarious!”

Unconsciously, Draco began to smile at the thought of you.

“Also, she’s super talented at anything she does, which would be wildly annoying if she wasn’t so modest about it. She’s also the most sarcastic person I’ve ever met, yet also the kindest. She’s got so many good qualities it’s hard to even think about anything bad about her.”

Draco stopped, breaking out of his train of thought.

Now that... that, he really hasn’t expect to be his response.

“I’m glad you’re happy then, Draco” the Zabini boy smiled at him “seems like you really like her”

“Yeah... I do”

You were pounced upon by both the Weasley twins not much later on, both demanding answers.

“You’re dating Malfoy?!”

“As in Draco Malfoy? The ferret?”

“He’s not a ferret!” You rolled your eyes at the pair. “And yes I am. Why? Do you not believe the castle gossip?”

“We heard it-“ Fred began

“Still working on believing it” George finished

You rolled your eyes and continued on to the library, your original destination before you got jumped by the identical redheads.

“Believe what you want” you shrugged trying to play it off.

“See (Y/N), here’s the thing, I don’t know if I believe you’re actually going out with him” Fred stated causing you to frown.

“What do you mean?”

“Freddie here believes you guys are faking it for some reason” George chucked an arm round your shoulders as they continued to walk with you.

“Why would we be faking it?!” You laughed like the idea was ridiculous.

“I just know you wouldn’t go for him” Fred shrugged “your standards are too high.”

“My standards are too high?!”

You were mildly offended at the suggestion, no matter how correct Fred was about the two of you faking your relationship.

Reaching the library quickly, you turned to the boys who had halted at the sight of the only room in the castle they adamantly wouldn’t enter.

“Well, unless your plan is to follow me into the forbidden room of books, I’ll see you guys later?”

Not waiting for an answer you swung open the door, mind now focused on studying for that test you had coming up in Herbology later that week.

“I still don’t believe you!” Fred shouted after you before the door closed shut behind you

All you could do was roll your eyes.

It was dinner later that evening when you saw your ‘boyfriend’ again since breakfast when he’d given you the coffee.

By now, you two were the talk of the castle which is why you weren’t surprised to see a fuming brunette strut up to you. The Slytherin girl looked as if she should have smoke coming out her ears you thought, not that you’d tell her that and anger her even more.

“(Y/N)” Pansy sniffed almost impatiently as she reached you.

“Pansy” you replied innocently which seen fo infuriate her more.

“I heard you’re supposedly dating my boyfriend?”

“Your boyfriend?”

You couldn’t help but phrase the question like you really didn’t know what she was talking about.

“Draco!”

“...Draco?”

“Draco Malfoy!” She practically growled at you

“Ohh, Draco as in my boyfriend?”

“Yes! Wait no-“

You snorted at her slip up and ignored her as you sidestepped and entered the Great Hall spying the familiar mop of platinum blonde hair, sending him a smile,

Before you could make your way over to him though, a hand grabbed your arm with nails roughly digging into your skin.

“Hey, I wasn’t done talking to you” Pansy seethed

“Well I was done talking to you” you shrugged truely bored with the girl “I’d appreciate it now though if you let go of my arm.”

“No, I’m not finishe-“

“Yes you are” Draco cut her off this time

Pansy’s expression looked like her brain had short circuited for a moment before she gathered herself and smiled flirtily at the boy.

“Hey Drakey baby”

“Firstly, for the millionth time, don’t call me that” Draco narrowed his eyes at her into a glare. “Secondly, (Y/N) also asked you to let go of her arm so I suggest you do so.”

At once, like your arm was on fire, Pansy dropped her grip which she had forgotten about as soon as the Malfoy had entered the conversation.

You rubbed your arm as you pulled it to your chest. Pansy’s nails had dug deep and actually split the skin on your arm slightly by the force she had held you by.

“And finally, I’d appreciate it if you’d fuck off and didn’t harass my girlfriend, especially about lies that we’re somehow involved.”

With that being said, Draco wrapped his arm around your waist and escorted you over to the spot he was originally sitting at, letting you take his seat while he forced Crabbe to move down a space so he could sit next to you.

“Thanks for that” you sent him a smile “though I can handle Pansy”

“I know” he replied with a grin of his own “I just needed to get that off my chest. Let me see your arm.”

“It’s nothing-“

“(Y/N)”

With a sigh you reluctantly held out your arm so he could see the damage Pansy had done. Spotting the crescent shaped breaks in your skin, his jaw clenched in anger.

“Psychotic bitch” he mumbled under his breath barely loud enough for you to hear, “episkey”.

The wounds sewed themselves back together in no time and you send him a grateful smile.

“Heard you got cornered by Blaise earlier”.

“Heard the same about you with the Weasley twins”.

“Mmm” you shrugged “there was bound to be a few that didn’t just automatically believe we’re dating. Some might need a little more persuasion, especially Pansy. Also it is still only the first day since the gossip broke though, it might just be that we wait for the news to settle.”

“I guess” he rolled his eyes playing with the pasta on his plate with his fork, before pausing slightly, setting it down and turning to you.

His eyes glanced round the hall quickly before snapping back to you with a grin. Leaning towards you, he wrapped an arm around your waist to pull you slightly closer to him as his lips became level with your ear.

You fought the urge to shiver.

“Or... it just means we’ll have to make it all the more believable, Sweetheart.”

Series Taglist:

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[wanderingwomanwondering]

Thoughts on The Buddie Talk from 502

Other folks have looked at this conversation, but I wanted to get on my bullshit about it too. LOL.

So imho this whole conversation is about love and heart, specifically Eddie’s but with Buck’s heart added in. Line by line analysis and commentary. Let the BS begin. Here we go…

Buck: Hey are you sleeping, or just pretending?

Day and night/light and dark are strong themes throughout the episode. @benka79 did a meta on this theme. I think that by extension, awake vs asleep is meaningful in this scene. In matters of the heart, Eddie is trying to sleep or turn a blind eye, doing what he thinks is best for Chris rather than himself. This is exactly what Carla warned him against. But he knows. He knows that Carla is right but he’s ignoring her and trying to ignore Buck. He’s only pretending to be in the dark about his heart and his desires, at least to a degree.

Eddie: I was actually trying to until you interrupted.

Enter Buck, shaking shit up. Interrupting Eddie’s well-intentioned lie. Eddie knows there’s more than meets the eye and Buck is forcing him to open his eyes, wake up and see what’s really going on and reckon with himself and his true desires.

Buck: I’m exhausted. Uh, how are you feeling?

This line has been rattling around in my brain for what feels like a thousand years. Buck is NOT asleep, he’s not able to turn a blind eye. And being the only one willing to look directly at matters of the heart is wearing him out. Dude’s exhausted! He SEES that something is up with Eddie’s heart and he wants Eddie to tell him all about it.

Eddie: Hot. I’m sweating out of places I didn’t know I could.

During the blackout, AC isn’t working so everyone is sweating. Buck even has a thin layer of sweat in the scene. Sweating from the heat is normal and completely reasonable, but is that what’s being invoked here? We know that sweating is also a symptom of health issues (panic and heart problems not the least among them, and definitely symbolically relevant here). Eddie looks like he’s sweating for normal reasons but in the next line Buck questions that.

Buck: No uh like a cold sweat though, right? Uh, any chest pains?

Again, Buck is wide awake. He KNOWS something is wrong with Eddie’s heart/feelings and that Eddie is hiding it from him. He jumps to cold sweats, the kind that are most connected to health problems and are not about the actual temperature in the room. Then follows up with asking about chest pains. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Buck is paralleled with the cardiologist. She’s about Eddie’s literal heart but Eddie’s figurative heart is in Buck’s hands and Buck’s hands only. And my dude is assertively assessing the situation.

Eddie: You don’t give up, do you? I’m fine, Buck.

Good ol’ Eddie, perfecting his avoidance and denial game. But he knows Buck. He does NOT ever give up and he especially doesn’t give up on the people he loves. Eddie recognized this and thanked Buck for it in 303. Buck didn’t give up on Christopher during the tsunami, or on Eddie in Eddie Begins or in Survivors. But that was about Chris and Eddie’s life. This scene in 502 is new in a way. Buck is refusing to give up on Eddie’s heart, his feelings. Now Buck is fighting for Eddie’s quality of life, for his happiness.

Buck: People who are fine don’t go and see cardiologists. You need to tell me if something is wrong.

Buck was so worried about Eddie in 501. Of course Eddie denied that anything was wrong but Buck isn’t stupid. In 501 he asked about the situation clearly and openly because he cares about Eddie and wants to help in any way he can, and Eddie pushed him away. So here in 502 he implicitly invokes the Will. He’s like fine if you won’t tell me as your friend who gives a shit about you, then tell me for Chris’s sake because thanks to the will, I actually fucking need to know if you’re going to drop dead.

Eddie: Alright, it was a panic attack, not a heart attack. A panic attack.

Eddie’s frustrated confession was solid gold. It laid my edges and raised my credit score. He knows that Buck’s persistence is harmless and comes from a genuine place of respect and care. Still, that doesn’t make it any less annoying for a man who’s trying to sleep, pretending his own heart isn’t breaking under the weight of his sense of duty to his son.

Buck: Since when do you panic?

My God, he knows him so well.

Eddie: That’s what I said. I don’t panic. Except I did.

Eddie accepting that this was absolutely a panic attack was huge. Before he had been pushing against the reality of it, but here in Buck’s loving care he could be honest with himself and with Buck that it was indeed panic.

Buck: Ok, well, what triggered it? I mean you did just get shot and almost killed by a sniper. I guess that could be considered an anxiety inducing-

Buck’s in full “cardiologist” mode. He’s paying forward all those years of therapy! What he’s doing here isn’t a replacement for my dude getting some real therapy but here’s Buck with his clipboard efficiently helping Eddie figure his emotional shit out. It’s perfection. It’s also good that he acknowledged the shooting. I think it’s super important that when Buck mentions it, he looks down and away from Eddie.

Buck, my dude, you are not over being covered in the blood of the love of your life. You can still feel his weight in your hands, muscle memory from lifting him above the spray of gasoline and bullets. Eddie may still be asleep on that front but, Buck, you are wide awake and exhausted by the heavy love you’re carrying.

Eddie: That wasn’t it. Ok, if I’m being honest with myself, I think it was Ana.

Oh this is fun. So you are capable of being real, you just choose not to be. Good to know.

Buck: Uh, I thought things were great with her.

Stop. Lying. You saw Eddie get squirrely when talking about the Christening. You saw Eddie get awkward af when A*a and Christopher came to the firehouse. You’ve seen these issues with your own eyeballs. Great? Really? Yeah, this just makes me think muh boy is oblivious and/or he really was expecting Eddie to come clean about issues related to the shooting, not his love life. This reiterates my point that Buck himself is not nearly done with processing the shooting.

Eddie: She’s been a godsend through all this - staying with Christopher - but I think that’s what’s causing the panic. Somehow it become a ready-made family and I don’t know if I’m ready for that.

This portion of the conversation has been analyzed to bits by many brilliant others. I don’t have anything to add. I’m like, look dude, you already have a family with Buck and Christopher. A*a’s effin’ up your happy healthy family flow. It’s ok, just turn her loose.

Buck: So what are you gonna do?

Buck’s wisdom grows every frickin’ day. He knows this isn’t sustainable for Eddie. He knows that the heart matters. He knows that feelings are real and help us navigate toward a happy life. Action is needed and he’s nudging Eddie in that direction.

Eddie: I think I’m just gonna stick it out. Ana’s been the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon.

Oh dear, Eddie’s overblown sense of duty to everyone but himself strikes again. He can…tolerate… A*a. How romantic!

Buck: Stick it out? That’s not the way you talk about someone you’re in love with.

Um, no. Buck calls shenanigans. He’s not A*a’s bestie but he doesn’t feel any desire whatsoever to have her condemned to a loveless relationship.

Eddie: My kid loves her!

Always putting Christopher first but not realizing that if he isn’t truly happy, Christopher will know because he’s perceptive af. Plus the two haven’t discussed A*a on screen so I’m not convinced Chris loves her as much as Eddie wants to believe.

Buck: Is that enough? Eddie I have been Ana. I know what it’s like to be in love with someone who is not all the way in. Deep down you know it and it hurts. It hurts worse than the truth, so if you don’t want to hurt Ana, you owe it to her to be honest.

Buck is doing A LOT of work here to help Eddie see that his plan of inaction is not good. He centers Eddie asking him if staying for Chris is enough. When that doesn’t work, he realizes that Eddie doesn’t care about his own heart enough to leave so he changes strategies and puts himself in A*a’s place to invoke some empathy for A*a from Eddie. It’s super…interesting that Eddie doesn’t care enough for A*a to come to this conclusion on his own!!

Eddie: You know it just feels like a lot man.

Why, my dude?? Explain. Could it be that A*a is serving a purpose beyond Chris? Could it be that staying with her helps you avoid, allows you to pretend and be oblivious to deeper truths within your battered but still beating heart? Does she obscure the Buck shaped hole in your ticker?

Buck: Well, go to sleep. You don’t need to decide right now. It’s not like we’re going home anytime soon.

Buck is disappointed, exhausted, and frustrated and it has my dude slinging shade like morning hash. He’s like fine turn a blind eye, ignore your heart it’s cool *all the sarcasm* Then we get the reference to home and the fact that the two of them are far from it at this point and we all know how important home is as a Buddie theme. I wrote a little about it here.

Bonus: Eddie closed his eyes after Buck walked away, the he OPENED them again. He fully saw what Buck was saying. He can’t avoid the truth of his heart for much longer.

Y’all this has GOT to be the season that one or both of these idiots realize their feelings. Excuse me while I end.

[cotccotc]

SKZ REACT to...

 ⿻ you coming out !!

genre/s: ot8 reaction headcanon, gn reader, platonic, fluff with some humor

wc: ~1k

warning/s: (obviously) descriptions of coming out to someone (in terms of sexual orientation, not gender), my dumb commentary lol, these are just my ideas! obviously i have no idea how they’d actually react, but i just feel like these scenarios are pretty likely.

a/n: this is pretty casual and silly tbh haha. it’s been sitting in my google drive for a while so i thought i’d finally post it :) i tried to make this as non-descriptive as possible while also getting the point across !! hope it makes u smile hehe <3

“there’s something i’ve been meaning to tell you. i’ve kept it a secret for a while now, but i think it’s time you should know. [insert a statement about your orientation here].”

⿻  CHAN

he’d try to be really responsible about responding to this.

he’s the type of person who would thank you for telling him. he’d just be so happy you feel comfortable enough to confide in him.

i could definitely see him asking you questions about it right away, wanting to have an adult discussion about it.

as long as you’re comfortable with it though !! he doesn’t want to push.

you’d be able to tell how professional he’s trying to act, which is comforting but also a little funny.

once you point it out, he’d finally relax a bit and chuckle, his ears turning slightly red from embarrassment.

still, through talking about your sexuality and answering his questions, both of you would really benefit from the conversation and feel closer afterward.

for some reason this one made me really emotional oof NOW ON TO THE FUNNY ONES :DDD KFDJS

⿻  MINHO

in all honestly, you’d be kind of scared to tell minho.

you don’t really talk about these things often, so you might be nervous to see how he responds. but when you do tell him…

“oh so you’re an icon? ok cool”

HE’D HYPE YOU UP SO HARD OMG

LINO BEST WINGMAN <333

if you’re ever out and he sees someone you might be attracted to looking your way, he’ll be sure to point them out and encourage you to talk to them.

“come on! you’re a badass, remember? you can do it!”

which… normally that isn’t too big of a deal, but as he encourages you to talk to someone who he previously wouldn’t have known you’d be interested in, it warms your heart.

and, if you hit it off with that person, he’d hold it over you for the rest of your life...

which is typical !! so, nothing’s changed !!!

⿻  CHANGBIN

i’m not saying he’d cry… but i’m not saying he wouldn’t SKJDD

ok LISTEN

he’d first ask if you want to talk about it a bit more (your story, how you figured things out, the feelings that accompanied it, etc.)

when you agree, he’d listen carefully and consider what you might have had to go through during the process of realizing this is who you are.

this man would get EMO

might write a song about it later tbh

his respect for you would go through the roof omg

after you finish explaining, i think he’d be a little choked up !!! he’d tell you how proud he is of you and how strong you are for being your true self.

ok now I’M gonna cry oh nO-

⿻  HYUNJIN

you and hyunjin are very open about your emotions and confide in each other often.

i’m going to tell you exactly what he’d say, and i want you to imagine it with me, okay?

you’re going to be able to *hear it*, i promise.

ready?

“yay~”

(imagine his soft voice and lil hands clapping oh my goodness oh my goODNESS-)

can you see it? do you hear it? thought so.

he’d act similarly to chan, but with a bit more enthusiasm.

you’d probably end up having a deep conversation regarding sexuality and gender afterward, and it would be really therapeutic for the both of you.

you both trust each other a lot and are respectful of each other’s feelings, so acceptance would be a no brainer for hyunjin (uwu).

⿻  JISUNG

he’d get a little nervous, honestly.

for good reason! he’d be scared of saying or doing the wrong thing. and he can tell this is super important to you/making you feel just as nervous.

his first instinct would be to give you a big hug. no matter what, it’s his go-to reaction to big announcements, good or bad. and this is a good one !!

once you break away, he’d be a bit quiet, allowing you to explain yourself. he’d hold onto your hands though, especially once he sees them shaking a little.

he’d straight up ask: “so who else knows?”

why? so he doesn’t accidentally out you to the other guys.

or literally anyone else he sees DFKJ

overall, things would be a bit awkward at the very beginning because he wouldn’t know exactly to handle the situation, but he’ll just be really considerate of your feelings in order to move forward.

also it would end in a high five but that’s obvious

⿻  FELIX

i feel like felix would be the most casual about it, in the best way possible.

he’d make it seem like you coming out was just a subtopic in the conversation and talk calmly without sounding startled by the information at all.

but on the inside, he’d be SO EXCITED OMG

rainbow cupcakes

he’d force his way onto the gay side of tik tok just so he can send u videos he thinks you might relate to or laugh at

the JOKES

(with prior consent, of course)

“i see your jeans are cuffed today…” cue stupid lil smirk

plays “sweater weather” by the neighbourhood every chance he gets

let’s say you’re up late together:

y/n: “dude i need to go to sleep. i can’t see straight.”

lix: “i wonder why” *cackles*

⿻  SEUNGMIN

“lol duh”

when you come out to him, he’s just like..

ok cool, i know that, what’s next?

obviously, he wouldn’t be rude. however, he’d definitely try not to make a big deal out of it since he genuinely doesn’t think it’s that big of a game changer.

he knows it’s important, of course, but he’d prefer to normalize it right away than make it into a big thing.

“so… do you have any celebrity crushes i don’t know about?”

you’d spend the rest of the day/night talking about your sexuality in the most nonchalant way. you’d recount stories of realization from your past, and seungmin would listen and react just like he would any other time.

*gasp* “really?”

“i know i don’t know this person, but you’re way too good for them.”

regardless, seungmin is able to make you feel comfortable right away. he just has that effect :’)

⿻  JEONGIN

baby bread = confused but accepting

didn’t see it coming at all

for starters, it’s not that he wouldn’t know what it all means, but he’d definitely ask for a bit of clarification just to make sure he knows exactly how you identify, especially if it’s somewhere in the bi/pansexual realm.

once you explain it to him,

q u e s t i o n s

when’d you figure it out? how? with who? was it a cartoon character? he heard about that once...

nevertheless, he wouldn’t make a big deal about it, similarly to seungmin with a dash of hyunjin’s soft excitement.

“our y/n’s just so full of love for everybody, huh? so thoughtful of them.”

“make sure to save some of that love for me, please?”

sure, innie. sure.

also this may or may not be foreshadowing something that’ll be announced on the 25th at 12 am kst :D uwu

tags: @stayndays​, @hanniiesuckle17​, @leggomylino​, @freckledberries​, @kisskissbanggang​, @mr-jisung-main​, @childofthecosmos​, @kpopscape​, @skzwriternet​, @hyunsins​, @sleepylixie​, @sunshine-skz​, @vera-liscious​, @moonlit-lixie​, @thatrandomoneinthecorner​, @sunshine-skz​ ( join my tag list !! )

©️ cotccotc 2021 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[mrsalwayswrite]

Little Lady (Bull Randleman x Reader)

So this is based on this post by @problematicfavesareproblematic​ and my own headcannon that Bull is super chill in his relationship and doesn’t get jealous easily but will go from cuddly teddy bear to terminator in a hot second if someone hurts his girl...and this was an excuse to write some Bull & Martin friendship. 

Warnings: swearing, forced/coerced kiss, threats

Words:4400

Tag List: @happyveday​ @evelynshelby​ @saritanotserena​ @sydney-m​

"I can do it."

 "I don't mind helping."

 I rolled my eyes at Arthur but handed him the crate. "Fine, but if you drop it, I'm gonna kick your ass."

 He laughed, falling into step with me as we headed towards the supply trucks. "I would suspect nothing less from someone as fierce as you."

 "I can't decide if you're flirting or trying to start a fight." I narrowed my eyes at him, even as we walked side by side. 

 "Oh, I would never fight you...you'd kick my ass, remember?" He winked those baby blues at me, the scar on his upper lip twitching at the movement. 

 "Mmm...so you're flirting?"

 "Why? Is that a crime?"

 I sighed. This was not the first time we had this discussion and honestly, I was getting sick of it. "Arthur, you know Sergeant Randleman is my man."

 "I know. I don't know what you see in him though.  He just looks like a country hick and I..."

 "Stop," I interrupted, already knowing what he was going to say. Some flirting was fine but when someone began to question my relationship or degrade my boyfriend, then I took offense. Especially from someone I considered a friend. "We've had this discussion before and it won't change anything."

 "Fine, I just..."

 "Jesus Christ! Enough!"

 "Ok ok, shit. I'm sorry. I just want you to be happy, alright?" He mumbled. A couple minutes passed between us in a tense, awkward silence as we continued walking before he bumped me cheekily. "So, he's your man? You're not his girl?"

 "Damn right he's my man. I'm no one's girl."

 Arthur laughed and followed me to the trucks. He shoved the crate on the flatbed of the one directed too. I adjusted the other crates, making room for the ones I still needed to grab eventually. We were supposedly leaving Aldbourne soon and I had volunteered to organize our extra supplies. I liked keeping busy and being organized came easy to me. 

 Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him run his hand through his black hair, a nervous habit of his I had noticed. Soon he probably would need to get it cut. I wondered if someone in his company cut hair or if I should mention Liebgott to him. I bet for a pack of smokes Liebgott would cut it.

 His voice jolted me back from my musings as he took a step closer to me. "Some of us are going out for drinks tonight at the bar. Come join us."

 "They call them pubs here. Remember, we're in England."

 "Pubs, right. So... you coming?"

 I sighed, trying to figure out how I could nicely say no. Again. Most of the other companies did not like having a female paratrooper amongst them. More than one had gotten in my face about it, especially back in Toccoa. Now it just made sense for me to stick with Easy. 

 Arthur was one of the few exceptions. We had bumped into each other on the troopship over and next thing I knew we had been talking for hours, comparing different books, plays and films. His family was a huge advocate for the arts and it showed in his passionate rants. He also had an easy-going, if flirtatious, manner about him, always trying to make me laugh and check up on me whenever we saw each other. Though lately, he had begun making his intentions known and while flattering, I only saw him as a friend. 

 Before I could let him down again, he was frequently asking me to go to the pubs with him, I heard my name called loudly. Glancing down the road, I saw several members of Easy's First Platoon sitting or standing around a table, with most smoking or playing cards, or both. More importantly I saw HIM. 

 I could not help the stupid smile, not even paying attention as a frown appeared on Arthur’s face. "I'll see you around, Arthur." 

 Without waiting for his response, I started towards the group. Although technically they were not my platoon, they welcomed me with open arms as I frequently found myself in their company. 

 "Hey! It's our favorite Corporal!" George Luz announced, passing out a new round of cards to those at the table, a cigarette hanging between his lips. 

 "That's only cause I get cigarettes for you guys."

 "Eh, you're an angel."

 I laughed with the guys as I finally reached them. It was nice to see everyone relaxing under the shade of the large tree, finally receiving a much needed break from drills and field trainings. I did wonder where they stole the table and chairs from since I had never seen it out here before. 

 Denver "Bull" Randleman stood on the other side, watching me with a slight curve of his lips, even around the cigar. My heart skipped a beat as I met his eyes, moving around the table towards him. Automatically, he raised his arm just enough for me to slip under it. It was a practiced, almost subconscious, movement between us by now. "Hey, little lady."

 "Hey, handsome.” I smiled up at him, a wave of happiness crashing over me. A very familiar feeling whenever I was in his presence, even more so since we started a relationship.  

 "Who was that you was talking to?" Johnny Martin asked, standing on Randleman's other side. His typical scowl on his face, eyes narrowed, as he stared from me back to where I had just come from.

 "Oh, Private Arthur Cox." I supplied, not thinking much about it. 

 "From Charlie Company?" Floyd Talbert looked up from the card game. 

 "Yeah."

 "I heard from a reliable source that he's been flirting with you." Talbert continued, trading two of the cards in his hand.  

 "Is that so?" Luz looked back at me, a mischievous grin on his face. "Know anything about that?"

 "It's not a big deal. He's just friendly." I shrugged, feigning disinterest. I really did not want them to know all the things Arthur had been saying lately. 

 "Hear that, Bull! He's just friendly. You better watch your girl." Luz chuckled. 

 "Hey! I ain't his girl!" 

 Bull pulled the cigar from his mouth, giving me a small squeeze as he spoke. "It's alright, darlin'. They know I'm ya man."

 "Damn right."

 "Still, he's been talking about you." Talbert stated, tossing his cards on the table then looking over to me.

 Dammit. Why couldn't he just let this go? The others were paying far too much attention to the conversation to my liking. "He knows I'm with Bull."

 Talbert shrugged. 

 "What?" I snapped.

 "Might not be enough."

 "Tab, what are you saying? He knows I'm not leaving Bull for him." I tried to stay calm. I knew the guys were just looking out for me. They did not trust anyone who wasn't Easy. Randleman's hand slowly rubbed up and down my arm, trying to soothe me. I took a deep breath and leaned my head against his side. 

 "Maybe. He might keep trying for you though."

 "Is that what you would do?"

 "If I saw a girl I really wanted...maybe." Tab winked at me, earning a few chuckles from the group. Everyone knew Talbert was a flirt, but a respectful one. If any women were not interested, he always backed off. Though most women never said 'no' to him. 

 I groaned. "Save me from the stupidity of the male species." I mumbled to myself. 

 "He ask ya to be his girl?" Bull asked, a smirk on his face.  

 "Yeah...sort of."

 "No proposals?"

 I rolled my eyes. He just would not let me forget when a Private from Able Company dropped down on one knee and proposed two weeks ago. Bull had laughed when I told him the story, saying if they really knew me, they would know to bring chocolate. That was my biggest weakness. 

 "Not this time. He does like to compare the two of you though." I admitted, guilt tainting my voice. 

 "I ain't worried.” He winked at me. “We know ya just like me for my body."

 I patted his chest. "Don't you forget it."

 Luz threw down a winning hand, causing the others to groan and the attention to focus back on the game.

 I absent-mindedly watched the next game unfold, my mind though on Arthur. Sure, more than once he had made comments about me; and he had made even more comments about how he did not think Randleman was good enough for me. I thought it was harmless or just annoying. Now I was beginning to wonder if I should take it more seriously, if I needed to stop talking to him. If he really was gunning for me, I needed to set him straight once and for all. Right? 

 There was about a snowball’s chance in hell I would be leaving Randleman. Ever since Toccoa, we had somehow just clicked. At first it had started off as a close friendship, looking out for one another amidst the tortures heaped upon us by Sobel. When some of the other companies would cat-call or yell things at me, he always stood between us, glaring at the men until they backed down. Though I never asked him to do that. More than once I know he took matters into his own hands, or at least orchestrated it so some of the other Easy paratroopers could have their turn swinging punches to defend me...even if none of them ever admitted it later. It was not until one night that I found him at the aid station, getting his knuckles looked at by Doc Roe that he subtly admitted to seeing me as more than a friend. So logically, I kissed him right then and there. If his response said anything, he did not mind too much. After that, things just fell into place for us.

 "Hey."

 I turned my face up to meet Randleman's eyes, still tucked into his side. My favorite place to be. 

 "Ya alright?"

 "Yeah, just thinking." I slipped my hand into his and squeezed three times, letting him know I was ok.  

 "Ya want me to talk to him?"

 I smiled thinking of my boyfriend confronting Arthur. "No, it's ok. I'm sure this will blow over."

 "If you say so, little lady." He pressed a chaste kiss to my temple. It was sweet how whenever he had the chance, he always took it to affectionately touch me. A sweet kiss on the forehead here, an arm tucking me into his side there, even a gentle squeeze of my hand. A silent reassurance of his affection for me. He was not a man of romantic monologues or one-liners. Instead he always reminded me through the simple gestures. I still teased him about it occasionally and he would reply that it was damn near impossible to keep his hands to himself with how beautiful I was and how much he adored me. That always won a kiss from me, even as I blushed crimson.  

 "You tell us if he tries anything." Martin stated, drawing me back from my thoughts, wary scowl on his face. 

 I nodded. 

 "I'm serious."

 "You always are." I quipped back, earning a chuckle from Randleman. 

 Martin huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why I put up with you two, I don't know."

 "You love us." I teased, fluttering my eyelashes at him. He narrowed his eyes at me but I could see the hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. Back in North Carolina he had admitted one night I reminded him of his baby sister. When I laughed and told him she was lucky to have a brother like him, that seemed to seal our friendship. Since then he had easily stepped into the role of a big brother. 

 "C'mon, let's get some food." Bull guided me around the table, arm around my shoulders and mine around his waist. Martin followed us, walking on my other side, grumbling about how food here was shit and he missed his wife’s cooking.  

 *****

 I stared across the field at the sunset. The warm colors transitioned into the cool tones of night right before my eyes. Colors so perfect they would make even the most talented artists zealous to try and capture their beauty. I absent-mindedly wondered how much longer I would be able to appreciate the sunsets. Or would war take that away from me. 

 It is only at the call of my name did I retract my gaze from the beauty in the sky. I knew who it was by his voice. And also from the fact that all of Easy knew to leave me alone while I was watching the sunsets. I loved my boys dearly but sometimes a girl just needed to get away. I saw Arthur with his hands in his pockets standing a few paces away from me, the tips of his shaggy hair almost covering his eyes.  

 "Can I join you?" 

 I shrugged, turning back to watch the painter's sky. It seemed fate had a hand in events today. A conversation needed to happen between the two of us and here he was. Dammit. Silently, he sat next to me, our shoulders almost brushing. Several moments went by like that, both of us just staring at the first of the stars to emerge. 

 Sighing, I turned to face him, not looking forward to this conversation. "Arthur, I think-"

 His chapped lips interrupted me, slammed against my lips with an almost desperation to them. His hands cupped my face, pulling it closer to his. The sharp burn on alcohol was on his breath. I vaguely wondered if he needed liquid courage before doing this. 

 I sat there stunned for a second. I had thought he was all talk. I never would have expected...this. 

 In the next second, I tried to pull back, putting my hands on his chest for leverage. This had to be a drunken mistake. I was sure he would apologize after. Instead of releasing me, his grip on me tightened marginally and his tongue forced its way into my mouth. 

 This time, I roughly shoved him away with both hands on his chest, making him rock back and almost fall over. Before he could recover, I reared back my fist and slammed it into his eye. Pain exploded from my hand but I did not care. Anger and revulsion fueled me. How dare he?! 

 I rolled back and onto my feet putting necessary space between us otherwise I would be tempted to hit him again. He knew I only saw him as a friend. He knew I had no plans to leave Randleman. Yet he still kissed me without my consent...forced himself on me! 

 Staring wide-eyed, anger and betrayal warring within me, I watched him right himself and placed a hand over the eye I had hit. 

 "You're too good for him." In anyone else it might have sounded like begging, but from him, someone I had thought was my friend, he made it sound like he was stating a fact. "You deserve better. Please, give us a chance. I could-"

 I turned on my heel and fled before he could finish. If I heard another word from him, I would not be held responsible for my actions. Right now though, I needed Randleman. I needed comfort and someone to soothe the ache in my heart. I needed the taste of someone I did not want off my lips. The feeling of his hands erased from my memory. Of his tongue awkwardly plundering my mouth and leaving a lingering hint of beer.

 The barn door slammed open as I shoved it, not even caring about how loud it was. Most of the men should still be awake. The barn they were billeted in was nice enough. There was a cot for each person and plenty of blankets. My feet moved on autopilot, eating up the ground beneath me. I knew he would be on his cot, waiting for me to return like every night to say goodnight before I headed to the house I was billeted in.  

 "Hey! What's got-"

 Whatever Luz saw on my face immediately shut him up. A heavy silence filled the barn as I stormed over to where Bull reclined, cigar in his mouth. He slowly sat up, pulling the cigar from between his lips. Before he could say anything I pressed my lips to his in a bruising, passionate kiss. Something we NEVER did in front of others. I did not care though. I needed the taste of Arthur off my lips. I needed to trade the taste of alcohol for a cigar. 

 Soon as I released him, I felt loathing towards myself. Bile stung my throat. I just forced a kiss on him. Not to show my affection but in demand to mask the taste of another. What was wrong with me? This was the man I loved. How could I have done this to him? It was selfish. Disgust flooded me, aimed at myself and now all I wanted to do was hide and cry. 

 Panicking and without a word, I turned to step away but before I could move further, a firm grip wrapped around my wrist, holding me in place. 

 "Talk to me." He softly said in that calm drawl of his. I could not help but instantly feel some of the tension loosen inside of me. 

 Tears blurred my vision, disgust at Arthur's actions and my own. I could only stare at the ground, shaking my head. My chest was tight, throat thick with suppressed sobs. 

 "Little lady, what happened?" He asked quietly, dipping his head to try and catch my eye. 

 Martin, who had been sitting on the next cot over, spoke up. "Why are your knuckles bruised?" A second later, his voice turned hard and demanding. "Who hurt you?"

 The hand holding me, tugged me back, pulling me into his lap. Comforting warmth enveloped me as Randleman wrapped his arms around me. I laid my head on his broad chest, his heartbeat a soothing sound under my ear. I forced the treacherous tears away. This was not something I would let control my emotions. Arthur was not worth it. All this did was show his true colors. A gentle kiss on the top of my head reminded me who mattered most to me. Who promised to always have my back and never doubt me. Like I promised to never doubt him and always be there for him. He was my best friend, my lover...maybe even one day my future. 

 "He kissed me." I finally muttered, my face still buried in his chest.

 "Mmm?"

 I leaned back slightly to meet my boyfriend’s concerned gaze. "Arthur….he kissed me and said….well, it doesn't matter now."

 "So ya clocked him?" He asked.

 I nodded. 

 "Good."

 "I never thought… I didn't think he would force me and…"

 "Shhh, s'alright." He rubbed my back, holding me close. "I'll take care of it."

 I did not even question his statement, caught up in my own emotions and soaking in his comforting presence. I could not tell if I was overreacting. I felt justified to be upset and angry at Arthur. At the moment, I did not want to think about it anymore. I wanted to forget Arthur and what just happened. I just wanted Randleman, his soft touches and calming aura. 

 Above my head Randleman and Martin's gazes meet with a darkness simmering underneath. Martin nodded and got up, stalking out of the barn after telling the others to leave me alone. 

 *****

 "Heard ya kissed my girl." Randleman stated, watching the black-haired Private who had made you almost cry. An unforgivable sin in his eyes. A little flirting never bothered him, he usually found it amusing to watch their faces when they realized he was your man. He could practically see the wheels turning, questioning how someone like him could have caught himself such a beautiful, smart, talented woman like you. Often he questioned it himself but thanked his lucky stars daily for blessing him with you. 

 But when someone actively hurt you. When they made you cry. There would be hell to pay...and he had no qualms about doling out justified retribution. 

 Arthur looked over his shoulder before turning back to counting boxes next to a supply truck. "Yeah? Who told you that?"

 "She did and some of the stuff you've been saying to her." The Arkansas man chuckled. "Got a nice shiner there too."

 "So? It's true.' Arthur whipped around, eyes blazing. Though, one eye was distinctly bloodshot with a fantastic array of colors around it. "You're nothing but a redneck that can't-"

 "You're gonna need to shut the fuck up before you say another word." Martin interrupted, moving to stand next to Bull in silent support. 

 "Who the hell are you? Some bodyguard? Redneck here can't fight his own battles?"

 Martin glared, crossing his arms over his chest.

 The Private sneered. "Your grim reaper look don't scare me."

 "That's where you're wrong." Martin stated, rolling his shoulders, signature glare still in place. "I'm not the grim reaper. He's on holiday. I'm his replacement….and I don't need a sickle to beat your ass."

 "I don't need to hear this shit." Arthur tried to move around the side of the truck only to come face to face with a grinning Guarnere and smug Toye. 

 "Hi ya, cowboy."

 "Who the fuck are you two?" Arthur demanded, eyes hard and fists clenched. 

 Toye shrugged, lighting a cigarette. "Concerned citizens."

 Arthur tried to move around them but Guarnere shoved him back. 

 "Shut the fuck up, cowboy, and listen to the man before I kick your teeth in."

 "You can kick your leg that high?" Toye asked, looked over to his friend casually. 

 "You know what- shut up, Joe."

 "I'd rather see Martin go grim reaper on his ass." Toye shrugged. 

 Martin grinned wickedly. "Would be my pleasure."

 Randleman spoke up, drawing Arthur's attention back to him. "Ya stay away from my woman. I hear ya talkin' to her again, I can promise ya, they won't find ya body."

 "Are you threatening me?" Arthur drew himself up to his full height, which to most guys might have been a challenge, but he was still shorter than the taller than average Randleman. 

 With the way this jack-ass was acting, Randleman almost wished he would try and take a swing. Give him a reason to knock his arrogant ass on the ground. 

 "No, son. That's a promise." Randleman exhaled, smoke drifting lazily out of his mouth from his trusty cigar. "We'll be lettin' ya get back to work now." 

 "Run along, boy." Martin leveled a hard look at Arthur that would have even the devil himself reconsidering his options.  

 Leveling his own less-than-impressive glare, Arthur looked at the four guys that surrounded him before turning on his heel and walking away. 

 "I gotta ask." Toye started as they watched the Private leave. He turned to look at his friend. "Can you really get your leg up-"

 "Shut up, Toye, before I kick your teeth in."

 "I mean maybe Perco or Luz you could but-"

 Randleman chuckled as Guarnere tried to put Toye in a headlock. He could only hope this Arthur was smart enough to heed his warning. 

 *****

 I sat in the mess hall, well, the building that had been converted into a mess hall for the Airbourne. Randleman sat on my right, hand holding mine underneath the table. Smoky on my left was arguing across the table with Skinny about something dumb. Honestly, I had already zoned their conversation out. Further down the table, Buck was telling a story from his Rose Bowl days that had those listening in absolute stitches. 

 A smile teased my lips as I glanced around the table. Sometimes it would randomly hit me how lucky I was to be in Easy Company. They were idiots, but my idiots. Except for Bull. He would always be my man. 

 I looked up to peek at the other table of Easy boys but froze when I noticed Arthur walking down the aisle, trying to find a seat. As if feeling my gaze, he looked my way. Instead of flashing me his signature smile or a quick wink and continuing on….he glared. Anger flared in me, ready to explode once again. Our paths had not crossed since the day he kissed me, which I was infinitely grateful for. I was unsure how I would handle it if he tried to approach me. Now seeing him, all I could think of was hitting him again. I could tell the black eye I had given him was not as bright, the colors dulling into yellows instead of black and blue. There was a sense of pride that he somehow had to explain his black eye to any who asked. 

 Then I realized his glare was not aimed at me but to my right, at Randleman beside me. Confused, I glanced up expecting to see Bull listening to Buck with the corner of his lips turned up slightly in amusement. Instead he was staring back at Arthur with a stoic expression and stern eyes. My gaze darted between the two, wondering what was going on. As far as I knew, they had never spoken; though the tension radiating between the two practically screamed confrontation. After a long moment, Arthur gave a curt nod and walked on by. 

 "What just happened?" I murmured, eyeing my boyfriend. 

 "Nothin'."

 "Bull…"

 He glanced down at me, slinging his arm around my shoulders and tucking me into his side. "Told ya I'd take care of it."

 I stared expectantly, waiting for the explanation.  

 "We just came to an understandin'." He finally said. 

 "Did you threaten him?"

 His reply was a brief wink. 

 I laughed, snuggling closer into his side. 

 "I told ya, little lady. I'm ya man and I don't take too kindly to others tryin' to take my position."

 "Mmm...I think you're a keeper." After a moment, I smirked. "So I probably shouldn't tell you about the Sergeant in Dog Company who tried to give me flowers yesterday."

 "Flowers, huh?" He grinned down at me, eyes alight with mischief. "Least he's got class. What ya do?"

 "I pretended to be allergic and kept sneezing whenever he tried to talk to me after."

 He laughed, planting a kiss to the top of my head. "Do I need to start gettin' ya things too?"

 "No," I reached up to kiss his jawline, making him blush. "I just want you...and maybe some chocolate."

 "I think I can manage that, little lady."

[kaeyasaki]

❝ BITES YOU! ❞

✿ cute lil messages for my besties before i get too busy with exams and forget, because who knows how long everyone’s tumblr phase will last,, dramatic gasp — apologies for typos i’ve been anti beta reading these days as you can tell

✧･ﾟ:* myra *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @luvcre

my pretty kitten, myra chan, i love you even though you like,, l*orio !! we’ve been friends for almost 6 months now, wow so cool !! no but actually i’m very grateful for meeting you. i know we already knew each other beforehand, but i think it’s rad the way we were always destined to meet !! quite literally the tumblr!romeo and juliet experience i say, but im super glad we got the chance to befriend one another and then grow so close !! i love you a unexplainable amount and you’re really special to me !! i’m extremely grateful for everything you’ve done for me, you’re a very genuine and loyal friend and i’m really proud i get to call you someone so close to me. thank you for always being you and taking such good care of me and mina whenever we’ve needed it, i think you’re the coolest and not only are you admittedly funny, but you’re someone who i’ve found so easy to be myself around even when regarding irl situations, thank you for being you and thank you for loving me being me, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* mina *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @jhxyne

i’d love you more if you’d let me date your brother but i suppose i can’t have it all </3 no seriously though, i love you stupidly too and i’m insanely happy and grateful we met almost 6 months ago. you’re on the same wavelength constantly and you’re someone i’ve found so easy to confide in and open up to so quickly. i’ll forever be grateful to you for showing me what a real friendships supposed to be like and helping me feel comfortable no matter what. you’re really cool mina and you’re also really hot >:) you’re undeniably you and don’t let anyone put you in your place which i love. i’m super proud of you for everything you do too, you’re a big deal to me and i care about you a lot. while i’ll always drop whatever i’m doing to rip a bitches throat out for you, i know you’d do the same. you’re extremely important and someone i hold very close to me, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* chloe *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @sunasbabie

man you’re really one of my longest friends on here and i appreciate you endlessly. you’ve been with me since before i was ‘mila’ and we clicked so quickly! you became a really good friend of mine in such a short amount of time too which is rare for me because i tend to hold myself back when it comes to really clicking with people but honestly i can and would talk to you about absolutely anything! you were honestly separated from me at birth i’m certain, we’re very alike and different in the same sense and you’re definitely someone i’d cling to irl <3 you’re funny and you’re genuine and i love you a ridiculous amount! thank you for putting up with me for as long as you did and i’m manifesting we one day meet, we’ll definitely end up in some sort of trouble but that’d be expected of us >:), i love you

✧･ﾟ:* val *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @atsuangel

smirks, valicità my beloved, you’re quite literally the epitome of cool. you’re easily someone i look up to and admire whether that’s from up close and after, you’re very real and you’re very easy to talk to. i adore you in every sense and you’re perfect in every sense other than your taste of men (i can fix you :,( pete davidson,, he’s not right for you!). we’ve been friends for a long time now too and i’m very grateful we met, you’re someone very special to me and someone who i’d also sell a kidney to meet >:) not only is your online presence just overall hot, you quite literally are the sexiest too wow oh look! i’m on my knees :) you’re just %+>$# hhh you’re just really cool and i’m really glad i get to call you my favourite worstie! i love you

✧･ﾟ:* venus *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @amourdite

i’m not sure when you’ll see this but venus my gf, i’d lick you right now if i could :) you’re another person i’d lose a limb for if it meant we could meet, you’re so funny and i think you were the first person to see all sides to me. you’ve put up with me annoying you for a very long time now and you’re easily one of my longest and closest friends on here. you’re super easily to talk to and even though you’re sometimes a bit weird >:) you’re overall very well grounded and level headed and i know i can always come to you for anything without feeling like i’m going to be judged. i love you immensely and i’m very thankful for you because we met during my anti social phase when i didn’t really want to make friends or anything so the fact you were able to make me unknowingly change my mind about that is a pretty big accomplishment >:) i’m always here if you need me and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* lexy *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @babymattsun

miss hot girl lexy i love you very very much !! you’ve always been really cool and you’re never afraid to speak your truth and i admire that completely. you don’t hesitate to put a bitch back in their place and you do all that while being hot and funny which is a hard accomplishment. you’re very honest and someone i’d feel so comfortable going to if i ever needed an opinion, like a straight up no bullshit type of opinion because i know you’d be able to give me what you really think without giving me an answer from the perception of someone wearing rose tinted glasses. you’re so real and you’re so you, i love you and everything about you so much and i’m always happy to see you on my dash heather you’re posting content or just shitposting, seeing your url makes me very happy :,) i love you

✧･ﾟ:* hanna *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @s9turn

screams, bye we were destined to be friends i don’t care. you are literally meant to be close to me and i’m so excited knowing that you’ll be coming to the city for uni because all my unis are either in the city or super close by train so i won’t be far from you. you’re insanely intelligent and everything you do is just,, wow. you’re extremely funny too, i love talking to you so much and even when it’s us discussing an actual topic/issue, you’ll still be making me laugh when we talk. we hate the same people and have very common interests, you’re so cool hanna and i’m super glad we met >:) not only are you my literal twin in the sense of us both getting the privilege to attend white tory schools while being poc girls :,) but you also get where the humour etc comes from making it so easy to talk to you about anything. your writing too is so well thought out and whether you’re writing long fics or crack content, you execute everything you do so perfectly i’m quite literally on my knees for you, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* chuu *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @nakizumie

ahh chuu !! i don’t even know where to start with you, you’re literally my comfort person and i love you endlessly !! i still think it’s funny we were both fans of each other and too shy to approach but i’m so grateful you did approach me because you so quickly became one of you favourite people. you’re literally an angel and deserve the entire world given to you, you’re so kind to everyone and just seeing you on my dash makes me happy !! your messages make my entire day and you work so hard too !! you’re literally perfect and i envy those who get to see yo pretty face everyday irl, they’re so lucky to have someone like you because you’re the type of person whose hard to come by often. you’re talented and easily one of the friendliest people on tumblr, we’re all very lucky to have you and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* vale *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @iwasumi

vale my love, you’ve kept me so sane on so many occasions and for that i’m eternally grateful. you’ve taken it upon yourself so many times to go out of your way to make sure i’m good and make me smile, you’re someone i treasure and i’m so lucky we met. you’re another mutual who i find comfort in and seeing your posts make me so happy because you too are undeniably true to yourself and you’re always more than happy to speak your truth. i have so much respect for you as a writer and a person, you’re a literal star and we’re all to lucky we have you here. seeing you talk about your selfships makes me intensely happy too, i love the way you talk about them, you’re always so cute about it and mention specific details which i find super special because i can tell you really do care and love for these characters and i envy they have someone like you loving them as much as you do. i appreciate you endlessly and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* sophia *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @sophiashortcake

your taste in men is always something i have to bring up because not once but twice have you shocked me with the men you end up falling for. it doesn’t matter though, your pretty face makes up for it !! i’m super glad we met even if it was on that stupid discourse night. you know, i was still in awe when i found your initial post about it because not only did you serve such logic, but you also made your post somehow look pretty in the process. again you met me while i was in my anti social phase and had no intentions on making actual friends on tumblr. obviously i had my old mutuals like clara and yelie, but it was nice to have someone a lot closer to my age and we clicked very quickly which is something that doesn’t happen with me a lot. you’re very special to me and i hope you know that. you’re very very kind and while i know tumblr is sometimes heavy and stressful, you do such a good job at keeping on top of things and handing yourself, i envy that a lot. you’re very mature and i think everyone should be more like you including myself >:) i love you

✧･ﾟ:* jae *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @ats4mu

jae, i know you’ve been busy with exams lately and i’m super proud of you for everything you’ve done. i also know you plan to come back to tumblr soon to come catch up so i’ll leave this here for you to find when you come back hottie. miss jae, i love you very very much and i’m very glad we got to meet. you’re very funny and you’re super considerate of everyone around you. you always take the time out of your day to answer everyone and interact with full intention, we’re so lucky to have someone like you on here. i also appreciate you immensely, there’s been countless occasions where you’ve taken time out of your day to make me happy and while it’s undeserving, you always made sure i was good anyway and for that i’m extremely grateful. you’re beautiful through and through and not only are you such a big personality on here, you’re also very talented in the way you word things. i have so much respect for you and am constantly looking up to you, i’m very proud of you and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* jake *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @deardaichi

HISSING I LOVE YOU SM </3 no honestly, i’m so happy we met, you have made me so much happier and the fact you knew me even before i became ‘mila’ means you’ve watched me grow as a person and watched my life and dilemmas play out and yet you still stuck around and willingly interact with me. you’re so cool and funny and i’m so mad we didn’t meet before. you’re someone i trust so so much and i’d give anything up to meet you, i’m honestly obsessed with you and everything about you. you’re so kind and welcoming to everyone yet you’re also assertive and don’t take anyone’s shit. you’re literally my twin flame and i’m ridiculously happy we got to meet, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* tina *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @ilyrinjo

ahh miss tina hi !! i love you very much and i’m so glad you’re back !! you were missed for that period of time you left so these past few weeks of you returning have been so nice !! i still can’t get over you were one of my anons before but when you did come off anon i remember us getting along perfectly upon first interaction !! you’re super fun to talk to and your opinions are always very interesting but extremely valid too. you’re someone i could happily go to if i wanted an honest opinion or mature conversation with. you make talking to you so easy and not only that but you’re insanely pretty !! the boy you’re talking to is very lucky and i hope he knows it, he won’t get better than you and i highly doubt any of us will. you’ve got such perfect looks and personality i envy your balance in that have so much respect for you in everything you do. i hope you know how special you are to me and i hope everyone else knows how much you should be treasured because you really are a rarity to this world. i love you

✧･ﾟ:* em *:･ﾟ✧ — @osamuscupid

em !! pretty girl, i’m so glad you reached out to me a while ago !! i love you so so much and your messages make me so happy !! i love hearing all about your day and i love that you feel comfortable with ranting and just talking, i feel as though i’m sometimes a bit too much, but you still reached out to me and talk to me on a daily basis, you’re very special to me and i love hearing about how you’re doing. i care about you a lot and you already know how proud of you i am, you’re always working hard to achieve the things you want and you’re always putting in so much effort too. i look up to you for that as even in things you struggle with you persist with and that’s a mindset that’s hard to find someone with. you’re very special and i hope those around you know how lucky they are to have you, i care about you a ridiculous amount and i’m so glad we met !! i love you

✧･ﾟ:* sage *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @miyumiya

omg gf i love u !! you’re so much fun to talk to and your blog is always one of the prettiest !! you’re on pretty much the same wavelength as me and i love you so much !! once day we’ll save megan from pardi and force her to open her eyes, he’s not right for her and she should’ve been our gf from the start >:( okay but asides from that, you’re very easy to talk to and i love interacting with you !! i have so much love and time for you and you’re very easy to get along with !! you’re very talented in the way you write too, so i hold a lot of respect for you as a writer and friend, i can’t wait to keep getting to know you and i’m very thankful we met angel, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* max *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @maadorii

max hi hey hello i’m in love with you but you already knew that. you’re so easy to talk to and you’re so much fun too !! i love seeing you both on my dash and in my notifs, seeing your posts make me so happy and i love seeing whatever it is you have to say. i’d say your writing is poetic and i find that very beautiful, i love reading your stuff and i think you’re great in everything you do !! you’re easily someone i’d call a friend and you became one so quickly too considering i’m not the easiest to approach. everything about you i’m obsessed with and i’m super glad we met, it’s people like you that make me happy i stuck around on tumblr, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* sushi *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @velvetfireworks

ahhhh i adore you !! everything about you is just !!! you’re so wonderful and you definitely are someone i’d approach irl if i ever needed directions or something, you’re one of the friendliest people i’ve met and i’m so glad we did !! you’re super special not just to me, but to so many around you and you’re such a rare type of person to find, i’m truly lucky i got the chance to meet you because i’m enthralled with you completely. i look up to you as a writer and a person and i’m in awe of everything you do, you’re an all round great and well grounded person and you’re someone i know i could rely on if i ever needed it. you’re super likeable and i’m so happy we became friends, i love seeing you on my dash etc and wow don’t even get me started on your content. your way with words is perfect and even though i only tend to read for tetsu, reading your other works is a guilty pleasure because while i am loyal to him, your works always have me feeling some type of way, you leave me speechless everytime. you’re wonderful and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* vi *:･ﾟ✧ — @milfvi

i still cannot get over that one, you forgot we were mutuals, and two you didn’t know you were on my carrd,, VI WTF IVE LOVED YOU SINCE MY KUROOSKULT DAYS !! you’re so so funny and i have your post notifs on for that. everything you say is funny and you’re so easy to talk to because you’re so open and i love that !! you’re very special to me and someone i care about a lot, i love you and i’m proud of you for everything you do. your blog is so much fun to look at and seeing you on my dash makes me so happy !! you’re so fun to be around and you’re for sure someone i’d click with well irl which is rare for me to admit when talking about online friends. i’m so glad we met and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* xi *:･ﾟ✧

i don’t want to tag you for obv reasons >:) but i do want to tell you that i love you and while we only became friends in february, i’m glad we did because you’ve quickly become someone i can go to when i need to vent or rant because i know you won’t judge me. i’m really happy you feel like you can open up to me too because that’s something a lot of people struggle with when it comes to me. you’re so easy to talk to and i can say anything judgement free to you and vice versa. i’m literally in love with you and don’t even get me started on your selfship. i’d honestly pay a fat sum of money for it to be officially canon because the way you talk about him leaves me giddy for the two of you, i’m very much in awe of you and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* ellie *:･ﾟ✧ — @tetsulatte

pretty gf ellie, i adore you in so many ways. you’re so kind and caring to those around you and i adore your positive outlook. you have such a talent for making such pretty blogs too !! i’m glad we met even if it was just recently, but i appreciate you and everything you do and not even just for me. i know you bring comfort to a handful of people and i see you as the big sister type of figure for sure. i think you’re so cool and i’m super glad you reached out to me because me being the lowkey pussy i am when approaching new people, i would’ve been too shy and would’ve had to settle for admiring you from afar. you’re very much appreciated and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* nayru *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @luvoratomi

nayru !! you make my day pretty much everyday and i’m so thankful someone like you came across me !! you’re so kind and fun to talk to and i think everyone’s super lucky to be able to befriend someone like you !! you’re someone i look forward to interacting with and i promise after my exams are over i’ll be practically living in your inbox, you’re someone i hold close to me and i appreciate you a stuuupid amount. i’m love hearing from you and love hearing about your day and what you’ve been up to, it makes me happy to see you happy so thank you for always making that happen !! i love you

✧･ﾟ:* misa *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @rintaromilktea

misa my pretty girl i hope you’re doing well !! i too, appreciate you an insane amount and i’m glad we became friends !! i’ve loved watching you grow more sure in yourself and confident on your blog, it makes me so happy to see you have good people around you too !! you’re someone i treasure a lot and i’m so glad we became friends !! you’re so kind and you’re always thinking of others. that’s a genuine rare trait to find in someone so i hold you very close to my heart and i’m so thankful we had the opportunity to meet, i hope you’re taking care of yourself angel, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* fyfa *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @sweetbakugou

hey fyfa i think you’re so rad >:) you’re literally the coolest and you’re always on the same shit as me, i literally adore you and everything about you. you always get me and i know you’re someone i could always rely on. you’re also really very funny and definitely one of my funniest mutuals, your shitposts have got me in trouble a few times in class from when i’ve read them and genuinely laughed, you’re so much fun and you’re so open and friendly, i’m so lucky we met and i’m so glad we befriended one another. i’m so happy i got to come across you on shitty tumblr and if i ever did leave, i’d definitely be running to you as one of the first people i’d be begging for other social handles to keep in contact with because where else am i going to find humour from </3 you’re so important to me and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* rose *:･ﾟ✧— ✿ @makeusfreefromthisfandom

rose !! i’m so happy you reached out to me because i love talking to you you’re so much fun !! i love that you get to be apart of me finally watching hxh (chrollo is all yours i really can’t with him </3) but not only that, you’ve been someone i’ve always looked up to as a person. you’re so real and you’re so kind and i know everyone around you would say the same. you’re like an older sibling type of figure on here and i love you for that. you’re so open and welcoming and i know you have others best interest at heart, you’re one of the best people i’ve met and i love you

hhh i think that’s everyone, but there’s a lot of people i hold close to me and appreciate even if i haven’t mentioned them on here,, you’re all so important to me and whether you’ve interacted with me once or twice on or off anon, you’ve all been super important to me growing as a person because while i was thinking about it yesterday, who i was when i first started tumblr and who i am now are two completely different people and i’m finally happy with myself :) thank you all so much i love you !!

[cupcakey00]

It’s Just Instinct, Pt. 2

hello, everyone! here’s part 2 of “It’s Just Instinct,” a super short Nessian fic! there will indeed be a part 3. Highkey don’t like this part nearlyyyyy as much as I did part 1, but still, I hope you enjoy :)

part 1

words: 3,321

warning: there is some foul language.

______________________________________________________________

Cassian couldn’t let go of Nesta no matter how hard he’d tried, couldn’t keep his hands off her. Not while she was injured. It was but a shallow cut, one a child’s mother would kiss and bandage before sending them off to continue playing, and yet he couldn’t stop the quiver in his hands as his fingertips traced the raised skin around the minor wound, his touch a sorrowful prayer against her skin, one that Cassian couldn’t begin to understand why Nesta would let him do after he’d failed her once again.

They sat in silence, Nesta atop the counter in their bathroom, Cassian standing between her legs. Nesta knew he needed time to think, to process his emotions before they could discuss. She was the same way. How she longed to speak with him, wished he’d let her in, but still she waited. She waited and she watched as he applied a healing salve and bandage to it as though her life was on the line, emotions turbulent across his face, with lips pursed one moment but not the next, eyebrows furrowed for one instant then smooth, eyes hard and then…well, Nesta couldn’t tell.

That was worrisome.

He finished dressing her wound, his hands resting in her lap, and still they were silent. Cassian could have burned holes through the bandage he was staring at from how angry he was, as though the bandages themselves caused her hurt, wronging her.

Breathing shakily, he let his hands trail gently to her hips up her sides, handling her with the sincerity one might cradle a porcelain doll, halting once he reached her waist. Nesta was expecting him to pick her up, so she leaned forward into his body, but Cassian tensed for a split second before returning what he thought was going to be an embrace.

Nesta could have wept from the gentleness in his movements, as though he was too afraid to breathe. She could feel his heart racing through his leathers, and still he hadn’t dared draw her too close.

In the past, Nesta would have been insulted by his actions. “I’m not a child,” she’d have snapped. “I’m not made of glass, Cassian,” she’d have said.

But over time, she gleaned that some days, he simply needed to hold her, needed her to stay close. She didn’t know why, but she knew that one day, he’d be ready to tell her, and when he was, he would. Eventually, Cassian would be able to tell her there were moments he wasn’t sure if this was real, or if he was living a dream where Nesta was a figment of his imagination. Sometimes he had to remind himself the war was over, not because it hurt him so personally, but because he couldn’t be sure Nesta was really alive, that she had truly made it out, or if his mind had conjured up her memory to keep him sane. There were periods where he couldn’t be sure if he was alive, or if he was in the hell he knew he was destined to go, that in some 300, or 400, or 5,000 years down the line, whatever cruel god traversed the underworld would reveal it all to be a lie, that he and Nesta had never really had that time at all. That the king of Hybern had killed them that day; that the ruler of Hell wanted not only to rip Cassian’s only true joy from him, but give him a sliver of the pain he’d caused thousands through bloodshed and loss over his 500-year lifetime.

Sometimes, Cassian didn’t know if that was the common sense speaking, or the guilt.

Maybe it was both.

Cassian knew he couldn’t go on like that forever, but still he could not say anything. He didn’t know how. Some days he was a bit quieter, a bit more reserved, and, when he’d hold her close, more tightly than usual, his eyes would burn with the need to blink, something he’d refrain from doing for fear he’d give in and she’d be gone, having never been there at all.

Nesta couldn’t take the pain and fear she felt through the bond. He held her there, head tucked into her neck, inhaling her scent, breathing soft whisps of air onto her skin. With his right hand splayed across her back, left hand in her hair keeping her head resting next to his, and her body pressed against him, her beating heart was a tattoo on Cassian’s chest. She was Cassian’s lifeline.

Nesta didn’t know what was wrong, but she felt deep within her soul that Cassian was barely holding on. He was suffocating although there was air, drowning despite not being submerged, dying without any wounds, and no longer could she wait. For this, for Cassian, she’d have to push, no matter how hard it’d hurt either of them.

She reached around, drawing his body even closer to her, and as she tightened her arms a bit more than usual, she felt him release a shaky breath, body relaxing but arms unrelenting.

She didn’t know that with this one action, she convinced Cassian this moment was real.

Nesta turned her head, peppering kisses to his temple until she felt his heart rate slow from its panicked staccato and his erratic breathing calm to the whisper of a baby’s breath. It could have been two minutes or 20 years, and still she would have held him. They had all the time in the world.

Eventually, Nesta drew her hands across his back up to his face, lifting his head. When he looked into her eyes, she leaned forward and kissed him sweetly, slowly, savoring the feeling of home.

“Cassian,” she started. “It’s more than just the mating bond, isn’t it?”

She was jumping right into it, Cassian realized with a jolt. No preamble, no introduction, nothing. His eyes widened and his breath held, the moment between them gone. He couldn’t maintain eye contact, so he stepped back and looked to the doorway.

Wordlessly, Nesta hopped from the counter and interlaced their fingers, leading the way to the den. She opted for their couch instead of the armchair, sitting next to him and released a shiver at the cold feel of the fabric on her skin. Cassian stood immediately and approached the fireplace to their left, a small part of him happy for the delay igniting the fire brought. Even though they had worked through Nesta’s trigger, he was still cautious about monitoring her body language. Trauma wasn’t always consistent, nor did it have to make sense. He knew that well enough.

Fire roaring next to them, Nesta’s body tensed such a minuscule amount that Cassian really shouldn’t have noticed, yet he did. He wanted to put it out, but he knew that’d only upset her. Instead he looked to her, facing the fire with her spine straight and chin lifted, eyes hardened as though she was in a battle of wits with her most formidable enemy.

“Scoot over,” Cassian forced out; he was tense. She did, making more room for him. He sat down and removed his boots, swinging one leg between the couch and Nesta so he could lean back, tugging her body to his chest, his arms around her, hands resting atop hers on her stomach. They lay together, fire going behind them, making the only sound in the room.

Nesta turned so her chest was touching his abdomen, laying the side of her head over his beating heart. She closed her eyes once Cassian’s hands began playing with a lock of the hair she let down once they reached home, reducing her to mush. She almost forgot why they were there.

“Cass,” she started, same as before. “We need to talk about this.”

Cassian’s hands stilled for a few seconds before resuming, going up to her scalp and massaging.

“I know.”

“It’s not just your instincts, is it?” She already knew the answer.

Cassian gulped. “Not always. Not– today. Sometimes it’s– it’s more. It’s worse. A lot of things.”

Nesta waited for him to continue. She was already pushing him as is. He wasn’t used to opening up. Cassian was the friend you went to when you needed advice, and not the other way around.

“You have to understand that my instincts, Nesta, they’re– they’re probably a bit worse than the average mated male’s. There’s the mating bond, but I’m also a warrior. Fighting is in my blood. I am the best living warrior in all of Prythian.” There was no pride in voice, he was simply stating a fact.

“I think that makes it worse. I’m not used to having rein myself in; the only time I’ve ever been even close to snapping is right before a battle, when my instincts are homing in for a fight. Add in the mating bond? Fuck, Nesta, some days I think it’d be better to lock us both in here than have to go outside.” Cassian couldn’t help wincing, but honestly, Nesta was surprised. She’d never thought about it, but it made sense. Fighting was his language, perhaps the one he knew best. To have to fight against it when for over 500 years it was a part of him? He was, perhaps quite literally, fighting a losing battle.

“And I’m working on it, I swear. I’m trying. You deserve better, you deserve someone who can not only treat you right, but protect you while respecting your autonomy, but fuck, Nesta, sometimes it’s just so fucking hard. I can’t fucking stand seeing you get hurt, and I can’t stand seeing the males or females look at you with that interest they’ve developed once they figured out you’d have killed them by now if you wanted to.” He was scowling, and sometime during his admission, his strong hands left her hair and formed fists. His knuckles were turning white.

Nesta couldn’t believe she was mated to a male like Cassian. With Tomas, the only other semi-serious relationship she’d had, he tried taking from her what she wouldn’t give, injuring her in the process until she’d managed to escape. She’d burned the torn dress to forget. Cassian, on the other hand, was killing himself inside to keep from overstepping, even when he felt she was in danger. Truly polar opposites. She was glad.

“Cassian, you’ve been doing well,” she said as she took hold of his hands, undoing the fists. “I know it’s been nearly impossible, but you’ve been doing it. Eventually, it’ll get easier. You’ll get accustomed to it.”

She didn’t understand, not really. “It’s not just– it’s not just that, Sweetheart. It’s the whole past. It’s the fact that I tried keeping you safe multiple times, and multiple times I failed. I failed to keep you from the Cauldron, I failed to keep you safe from the King of Hybern, Hell I almost lost you to Bryaxis. I have constantly failed you, Nesta. And I’m scared that one day, my failures will come to their final fruition and that’ll be it, you’ll be gone. Dead. Because I can’t keep you safe.”

She opened her mouth to speak but paused, feeling his trepidation through the bond. There was more. He hadn’t even gotten to the worst part yet. Instead, she rubbed across his knuckles, back and forth, feeling the ridges of each one, the dips that separated them.

“Sometimes I can’t tell if this is real.”

Nesta’s heart dropped.

“I can’t– I can’t tell if we made it out of the war. I can’t tell if you did, or if you’re a figment of my imagination that everyone goes along with or else the Commander of the Illyrian armies will go insane. They may hate me, but none can deny my skill. They need me.

“Sometimes I wait for the rug to be pulled beneath me, to find out I’m actually dead and that neither of us lived through the war with Hybern. That some cruel being in the Underworld wanted to give me a taste of what could have been before ripping it from me, leaving me mourning memories I never had – memories with you.”

Tears pricked Nesta’s eyes, and at the scent of their salt, Cassian lifted Nesta’s head so her chin was resting on his chest, staring deeply into his eyes. Nesta hadn’t seen so much sorrow in them since that moment on the battlefield before he’d kissed her, ready to die in each other’s arms.

“Sometimes I wait to wake up from what I can only describe as a dream.”

His voice wavered.

“My biggest fear, Nesta, is not that I can’t keep you safe. My biggest fear is that you never made it out alive for me to keep you safe to begin with.”

Finally her tears fell, throat constricted so tight it hurt. She couldn’t speak. Of all the things he could have said, this felt like the worst. It was one thing to fear for her safety, to war with his instincts to protect at whatever cost.

It was another to not know if these instincts were in vain.

“And I– I know it makes no sense. If you were a figment of my imagination, there’s no way everyone would go along with it, to act like you were alive, nor do I think Rhysand or Azriel would let me live my life like that. And it– it feels too real to be a dream. But sometimes I just can’t tell. I can’t tell if it’s a dream, or if it’s Hell. I don’t think the heavens would welcome me.”

Nesta didn’t know if she should be sad or angry. There was a lot to unpack.

“So when you get hurt, and I’m ready to maim and kill, that’s instinct. That’s instinct, that’s love, that’s being a warrior. But back in there, in the bathroom, it was more. It was my failure to protect you. It’s that I always seem to fail, and I wonder if my failure on the battlefield left you dead for a second, more permanent time. The Cauldron killed you once, and sometimes I’m not sure if the King of Hybern then did too. Do you hear what they say about me, Nesta? They think me similar to Enalius. What utter fools. They don’t even realize they insult him by comparing us.”

“Cassian,” Nesta spoke with resolve. Now she really was angry, although her eyes were rimmed with red. “You haven’t failed me, you big oaf.” Cassian frowned at that.

“You did everything you could. You risked your life, your wings to lead the King of Hybern away from me, and you did. It’s not your fault we almost died. You saved me. I would’ve been dead at the hands of Hybern if you hadn’t stepped in.”

He was unconvinced.

“Cassian,” she now whispered imploringly, “you are enough. I love you, and you are worthy.” Her voice rose, symphonious preaching to Cassian or the heavens, he couldn’t tell.

“You deserve peace and love and happiness; you deserve a life where you don’t blame yourself for things that were out of your control. You tried your hardest, and Love I know it hurts but you need to let go.” She grasped his hands tightly as his eyes shone with tears.

“Forgive yourself. Stop regretting the past. There’s nothing you can do to change it. All you can do is enjoy the present and dream about the future.”

She rested her forehead against his, eyes closed as she spoke impassionedly, hands caressing his cheeks. She couldn’t see Cassian’s wide eyes, flooded with childlike wonder at the goddess who knelt before him.

“If you won’t forgive yourself for your sake,” she whispered, “then forgive yourself for mine, because I love you and I want you to be happy. You make me happy, Cassian. After all the Cauldron put me through, it was worth it, because it gave me you. It gave us time that we’d never have without it. We have eternity together, Cassian. I can’t convince you that it’s real, but I ask that even if you think it’s not, you enjoy it.” Though her voice was nearly inaudible, he heard every word, could see the tears threatening to spill from her closed eyes. Their lips grazed as she spoke. She was so close.

“If you can’t yet accept this isn’t a dream, then in the meantime, let it be the best one you’ve ever had. Let yourself enjoy these moments together, because if you don’t, one day you’ll realize all of this is real, and you’ll regret having held yourself back.”

Her eyes opened and immediately narrowed.

“Now what the fuck was that about going to Hell?”

Cassian threw his head back and burst out laughing.

He couldn’t help it; it was so unexpected. One second she was praising him, blessing him with the reassurance he seemed to need more often than not but wouldn’t deign to ask for, and the next she was chastising him.

“Sweetheart,” he began, “you don’t kill the amount I have and get welcomed by the gods with open arms,” he admitted. She rolled her eyes and huffed. Clearly she lacked the patience for his stupidity.

“Cassian, you have a fucking warrior-god. Do you think Enalius is in Hell right now?”

…Cassian supposed not.

“And there are literally death gods. Are they in Hell right now?”

“Sweetheart, no matter what you say in bed, you can’t keep comparing me to gods right now. That’s borderline blasphemous.” The cheeky bastard. Never mind that none of them could be completely sure he wasn’t descended from Enalius after all.

Now she just glared.

Cassian cleared his throat, “Point taken.”

She scowled for a moment longer before her eyes softened.

“I know that we’ve been over this before. That you are enough, you are worthy, but Cassian, you need to tell me when you’re feeling less than. You need to talk to me.” A hand reached up to stroke his cheek again as she straddled him.

“You’ve helped me so much, Cass. I don’t think I’d be here right now if it wasn’t for you.” At this, he flinched. He couldn’t imagine a life without Nesta, couldn’t imagine the pain she’d been through after the war. By the time they mated, she was healthier, happy. Now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure he could’ve lived if he felt the pain his Nesta had gone through.

But, like a phoenix, she arose from her ashes, silver flames licking her skin, her fingertips, her hair. Over the past few months she spent with him in Illyria, she became one with herself. Cassian didn’t think he knew anyone stronger.

The gods had nothing on Nesta. That, Cassian did know.

“Cass, I’m not going to lie to you, nor do I want you to lie to yourself. You’ve caused people pain, that you know, but neither of us are innocent. Both of us have hurt people, have hurt ourselves. Both of us have been held prisoners of our minds for far too long.”

She had an impossibly gentle aura around her, so at ease.

“All we can do is accept it and promise not to let the bad days win.”

Cassian didn’t think it was possible to love someone so fucking much.

Never daring to break eye contact, he grasped one of her hands in his, interlacing their fingers, while using his other to grab her free one, leaving a soft kiss atop each knuckle.

Then he opened her palm and sucked on the tip of her index finger.

“Cassian!” she admonished, blush flushing to the swell of her breasts.

He could only laugh.

Drawing her in for a kiss, one hand on her waist, the other fisted in her hair, he knew he wasn’t fine yet. Neither of them were, but eventually, they’d get there.

Together.

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AAAAAAH I hope you enjoyed!!! I made myself cry while writing this LMAOOOO. I’m excited for part 3!! we’ll finally see what really happens when Cassian can’t hold back...

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