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heyiwrotesomethings · 3 years

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Storms

ShinoMitsu Week 2021 Day Two: (Storms, Stars, Flowers)

A/N: Okay, so there are no manga spoilers here, but it's the next part of day one. This is also where the modern AU starts. You could read this one and not get manga spoilers but it might be a bit confusing idk. Like I said before, days four through seven are just gonna be out of order events that are purely AU without mention of events in KNY proper so, yeah. Probably your safest bet. Sorry if I’m not making any sense. Hope y’all like it though. Word Count: 4,080

“God damn it,” Shinobu sighed under her breath as she checked fruitlessly through her school bag for an umbrella she already knew wasn’t there. “Slightly overcast my ass.”

Currently, it was pouring buckets while the sky was rumbling and intermittently flashing with distant lightning. Shinobu had stayed late studying in the library, unaware of the storm that had been forming just outside. What had first started as a trickle, had become a full blown downpour and now she was stuck, deciding whether or not to call Kanae to drive her back or brave the eight block sprint and look like a drowned rat.

She took out her phone and finally registered the time, her shoulders slumped. Kanae would still be at work for another hour or so. Shinobu briefly thought of Kanao, but she wasn’t going to make her younger sister walk all the way over here, umbrella or no.

Shinobu shook her head and secured her phone in her bag, then tightened her shoulder strap. It was only a little over a kilometer and a half to her home. She ran laps all the time and calculated with the added weight of her bag and of course, the weather, it would probably take her about ten minutes to get home. Definitely not her fastest, but she couldn’t risk hurting herself before the meet on Friday.

She took a deep breath in through her nose, set her feet to push off the library stoop and—

“Hey, Shinobu-san!”

Shinobu’s hand shot out for the railing, stopping herself mid push off. She voiced her annoyance in a huff of air, before looking up at the sidewalk before her. Standing in the pouring rain was upperclassman Kanroji Mitsuri with a large, bright green umbrella that stung Shinobu’s eyes as well as it mocked her.

“Hello, Kanroji-senpai.” Shinobu greeted just loud enough to be heard over the pounding rain.

Mitsuri grinned brightly and Shinobu groaned inwardly as her senior skipped over in bright pink rain boots. It wasn’t that Shinobu disliked her, Kanroji was just emotional, a bit of an airhead. She acted sweet and familiar with everyone and it got on Shinobu’s nerves. Shinobu just couldn’t picture herself spending any extended period of time with the older girl, but that didn’t stop Kanroji from approaching her more often than not with frivolous chatter.

Mitsuri stopped just in front of her, asking the obvious, “Did you forget your umbrella, Shinobu-san?”

“I would hardly say ‘forgot’ is the right word, Senpai. I watched the weather report this morning. It wasn’t supposed to even sprinkle much less have this torrential downpour occur.” Shinobu bitterly replied. Mitsuri merely giggled at her Kouhai’s brusqueness before motioning her forward with her free hand.

“Come under my umbrella, Shinobu-san. I’ll walk you home, okay?” Mitsuri offered cheerfully.

“That won’t be necessary. I’ve already decided to run for it. Good day, Kanroji-senpai.” Shinobu stubbornly declined. She moved left, attempting to go off on her way, but Kanroji blocked her path, pouting.

“Come on, Shinobu-san. Let me walk you home. You’ll get sick if you run in the rain. How will I be able to cheer for you on Friday if you’re bedridden?” Mitsuri asked, coaxing Shinobu underneath her umbrella again.

“I’ll manage. I live a ways off from here.” Shinobu denied Mitsuri again, her patience running thin. She moved to the right and Mitsuri mirrored her once more.

“That’s alright, I was just out enjoying the weather. I’ve got no other plans and besides, what kind of Senpai would I be if I didn’t help out one of my cute little Kouhai!”

And Shinobu took that personally.

Yes, she was on the short side and wasn’t even a hundred pounds soaking wet, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t kick ass and take names when she wanted to. And she was not cute!

“I don’t need your help.” Shinobu said sharply, making Mitsuri flinch. The younger girl broke left once more and leapt over the stoop to land firmly on the sidewalk, soaking her feet in the large puddle. Shinobu paid it no mind and began jogging home as rain pelted her, quickly wetting her hair and clothes.

She thought that would be the end of it, but then the rain stopped hitting her and light panting could faintly be heard behind her. Shinobu glanced above her, and instead of grey skies, she saw neon green.

“Senpai, what are you doing?”

“Taking you home!” Mitsuri spoke resolutely.

Shinobu turned her head back in the direction she was going, shaking it side to side. Couldn’t Kanroji see she didn’t want her help? Shinobu was well past her threshold for politeness and respect for her senior so she scoffed and picked up her pace.

“You want to take me home then you’ve got to keep up.” She called over her shoulder before kicking up her pace a notch.

“Shinobu-san! Wait up!” Mitsuri whined, jogging after Shinobu with her umbrella arm outstretched, trying to keep up with her junior to keep them both relatively dry.

Shinobu did not wait up, gradually picking up pace, she began leaving Mitsuri behind. But Mitsuri did not give up, evident by the irregular breaths Shinobu heard behind her between rolls of thunder.

They carried on like this for nearly a full kilometer and Shinobu was glad they were the only two crazy enough to be out in this storm because she was sure they must be a sight. She leapt over a pothole in the sidewalk that she usually walked past everyday and was gearing up to run even faster when she heard a big splash and a pained sharp cry that forced her to stop in her tracks.

Turning abruptly, she felt a sharp sting of guilt pull at her chest as she took in Mitsuri laid out on the concrete, completely soaked. The poor girl must not have noticed the damaged sidewalk.

Damn it, why didn’t Shinobu just let the girl walk her home? She shouldn’t have let something so insignificant damage her pride so easily. All Mitsuri ever did was be nice to her, and now look at her.

Shinobu quickly snapped up the umbrella before it could be blown away and crouched over Mitsuri, shielding her from the downpour.

Slowly, Mitsuri made it into a sitting position and Shinobu felt exponentially worse seeing how drenched Mitsuri was and her torn tights and bloodied knees. She could tell her senior was tearing up too, this was a totally avoidable disaster.

“I’m so sorry Kanroji-senpai, do you think you can stand up?” Shinobu asked.

“I, I think so,” Mitsuri sniffled, shakily pulling a leg in front of herself.

Shinobu reached out, taking Mitsuri by the bicep in an attempt to help her stand. As soon as she touched her, visions flashed through her mind too fast to discern. She pulled back, looking at her slightly shaking hand.

Whatever had happened, Mitsuri seemed to have had a similar experience, gingerly cupping the spot on her arm Shinobu had touched, an awed expression on her face. They stared at each other for a minute, but Shinobu eventually shook her head and and helped Mitsuri up. Whatever had just happened must have been a fluke, a product of being out in this wild storm, because it didn’t happen again.

“Come on, we’re almost there. Let’s get you cleaned up.” Shinobu softly commanded, guiding Mitsuri forward.

Mitsuri aimed a small, thankful smile at Shinobu that made the younger girl’s ears burn. She shouldn’t be looking at her like that, this had all been her fault after all. Shinobu kept her attention on the street, tightening her hold on the basically useless umbrella as they walked the rest of the way to her home together.

***

Shinobu unlocked the front door and pushed it open with a sigh, “I’m home and I’ve brought company!” She called out before turning her attention back to Mitsuri. “You can hang your jacket there. Leave your boots there and follow me.”

“You have a lovely home Shinobu-san.” Mitsuri complimented, shaking off her jacket. “Are your parents home?”

“Uh no, they’re a usually off on pharmacy business so it’s mostly just my sisters and I.” Shinobu answered, tugging off her soaked socks.

“Oh! I remember your big sister, she was so nice! I haven’t seen her since she graduated. Is she here now?”

“She’s working.” Shinobu answered curtly, focusing on the list in her head of how to best tackle the state of mess they were in.

“Welcome home Nee-san... and guest.” Kanao called softly from further down the hall, observing her sister’s disheveled form curiously.

“Hi, Kanao.” Shinobu greeted, stepping into the main portion of the home with Mitsuri trailing behind her.

“Aw, is this your little sister?” Mitsuri cooed, waving excitedly, “it’s nice to meet you! I’ve seen you at some of Shinobu-san’s cross country and track events in the past. I didn’t realize you two were related!”

Kanao, not purposefully, ignored her, still focusing on Shinobu. “Nee-san, you’re wet.” She stated matterofactly.

“Yes, I know. Give me a few minutes and I’ll be ready to help you start dinner, alright?”

Kanao nodded and walked away, disappearing around the corner while Shinobu lead Mitsuri in another direction. The older girl squealed.

“Your little sister is so cute, Shinobu-san. I already have five younger siblings but one more wouldn’t hurt if it was Kanao-chan!”

Shinobu merely rolled her eyes and pulled Mitsuri into the bathroom. “Wait here a minute,” Shinobu said before leaving the room.

When she came back, she had a pair of Kanae’s shorts and one of her own oversized track hoodies for Mitsuri to change into, placing them on a clear edge of the sink.

“You can change into these after you shower, use whatever you want, I don’t care... maybe not the white bottle of conditioner, Kanae’s weird about that for some reason.”

“That’s very generous of you, thank you Shinobu-san!” Mitsuri beamed.

Mitsuri was elated. What started out as a failed attempt to chivalrously walk Shinobu home in the rain, had allowed her to be present in the home of one of the people she admired most. After months of trying and trying to get closer to Shinobu, she finally had an opportunity to grow their relationship!

Shinobu nodded in acknowledgment before leaving Mitsuri in the bathroom. Then Mitsuri warmed up the shower and took off her damp uniform, pouting a bit at the sight of her ripped tights and skinned knees.

As Mitsuri immersed herself in the warmth of the water she ran her fingers over where Shinobu had touched her arm and wondered what had happened. There was a connection between her and Shinobu, of that much she was certain. She could tell that her Kouhai had shared the experience as well. She decided that they would definitely have to talk about it soon.

Mitsuri peered over the mixed array of shampoos, conditioners and body wash and picked three. Being mindful to leave the white bottle of conditioner as Shinobu had suggested. She popped the cap of the shampoo and squirted some in her hand and lathered it into her hair. The smell of ginger and lemon grass enveloped her and Mitsuri teetered giddily on her feet as she rubbed the familiar scent into her hair.

Mitsuri finished washing up and dried off, slipping into the clothing Shinobu had provided for her. As she bent down to pick up her wet clothes, she caught a faint whiff of a wisteria scented perfume. She pulled at the front of the giant sweatshirt Shinobu had given her and took a testing smell.

She felt transported to another time as images flashed through her mind once again. She blinked pack to attention as a knock sounded against the bathroom door.

“Kanroji-senpai, are you almost done? I can put your clothes in the wash for you if you slip them out the door.” Shinobu’s muffled voice called.

“Ah! I’m done, I’ll be out in just a second!” Mitsuri called back, hastily grabbing up her clothes before yanking the door open quickly and startling the younger girl.

“No kidding.” Shinobu blinked. “Well then, I’ll put those in the wash for you and you can hang out in the kitchen with Kanao while I get cleaned up. Don’t expect her to be much of a conversationalist though.”

“Okay, thank you again for all of this, Shinobu-san. You’ve been very kind.” Mitsuri smiled.

“Don’t thank me for doing the bare minimum here, okay?” Shinobu sighed, “just go sit down.” Shinobu turned swiftly on her heel and went to the laundry room with rosy cheeks.

Mitsuri hugged the sweatshirt, pulling it closer to her skin to send another little burst of wisteria to her nose, humming pleasantly to herself as she made her way to the kitchen. The delicious smells that guided her made her stomach growl and she realized just how hungry she was.

She took a seat at the kitchen island, shooting Kanao another little wave. The middle schooler hardly looked up, focusing more intently of the vegetables she was cutting. Mitsuri tapped her fingers rhythmically against the table and watched Kanao work. Then, the best idea popped into her head. She had just been presented with an opportunity to learn more about Shinobu through one of her sisters! In an attempt to look casual, Mitsuri leaned over the counter.

“So Kanao-chan, what’s it like having Shinobu-san as a sister?” She asked.

“Good.” Kanao replied simply.

“Ah, good.” Mitsuri deflated a little. She was hoping for a little more, but it was a start.

“Any examples? What makes Shinobu-san good?”

Kanao put her vegetables in a pan lightly drizzled with oil and mixed them as the sizzled.

“Nee-san is clean and orderly. She is good at explaining things and helping people and makes me feel safe.”

It was almost enough to make Mitsuri squee with delight. Kanao made Shinobu sound so princely and put together.

“That’s nice, you must really look up to her then. I hope I can grow to be as close to your sister as you are.”

Kanao nodded slightly, watching the vegetables closely and stirring them up on occasion.

“I’m home! It smells great in here!” A voice called from the front entrance. “Oh? Either Shinobu developed a more colorful fashion sense or we have a guest.”

A few moments later, Kanae emerged from the hall and smiled kindly at Mitsuri, “Hello there, a friend of Shinobu’s perhaps? You look familiar.”

“Hi, yes, I’m Kanroji Mitsuri. I’m a year older than Shinobu, I was a first year when you were a third year.”

“Ah, I remember now! It’s good to see you Kanroji-san. I’d tell you to make yourself at home, but it appears Shinobu has become a better hostess in my absence.” Kanae said, motioning to Mitsuri’s state of dress.

“Oh yes, this! I was walking Shinobu-san home and had a little mishap and got wet.” Mitsuri vaguely explained.

Kanae laughed as she maneuvered around the counter to stand behind Kanao and patted her head, making the younger girl smile just a tiny bit.

“Yes, it’s raining quite terribly out there isn’t it? I could hardly see driving home. You’ll be staying the night won’t you? It’s much too dangerous to be out and about.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose!” Mitsuri shook her head.

“You wouldn’t be, I promise. I insist you stay the night. Do you need to borrow a phone to call your parents?”

“That’s alright, I can text them. Thank you.”

“No problem!”

After a quick back and forth with her mom, she was all set. She only hoped Shinobu wouldn’t mind her staying over. The girl definitely seemed the type to cherish her personal space.

Mitsuri turned her attention back to the two sisters, watching them cook together. She offered up her own hand and joined in on the work easily meshing personalities with Kanae and conversing as they made the food.

It’s nice to see Shinobu bring a friend home.” Kanae smiled. “She usually likes to compartmentalize school, sports, and her home life and doesn’t tolerate much mixing.”

“It was kind of my fault.” Mitsuri said sheepishly. “I didn’t give her much choice in the matter. I wanted to get to know her better but instead I face planted in the sidewalk. I think she would have liked to be left alone.”

“Trust me, if Shinobu thought you deserved to be left out there she wouldn’t have even turned around as bad as that may sound. Shinobu is strict and grumpy, but can also be very kind and gentle. She knows how to push people to be better but also knows when they are struggling and need a softer touch. She’s a pretty good judge of character too so she must think highly of you. Don’t worry about it too much, okay?” Kanae explained.

Mitsuri smiled and nodded, looking into her cup of water as her head spun with the eldest Kochou’s words. Shinobu thought she was good!

“Welcome home, Nee-san.” Shinobu appeared from the hallway and made Mitsuri jump in her seat.

“Shinobu, I love your friend! You should invite Mitsuri-chan over more often!” Kanae said, setting out the food.

Shinobu ruffled her hair with the towel she had draped over her shoulders and made a noncommittal noise that made her sister giggle. Mitsuri barely registered what was going on around her, too busy admiring the disarray of Shinobu’s usually perfectly made hair and how Mitsuri could see the toned shape of Shinobu’s legs through her leggings and how cute she looked in that oversized cross country hoodie that seemed to swallow her up. It was all a stark contrast to how she presented herself at school and Mitsuri wanted to burn the image into her mind forever.

The four girls sat together and ate dinner. Kanae and Mitsuri held up most of the conversation but it was light and comfortable. Mitsuri nearly swooned when Shinobu filled her plate with second and third helpings for her, cutting off her internal dilemma before it really started.

Then they cleaned everything up and as the thunder crashed especially loud and the rain tapped furiously on the windows, the girls sat around the living room and worked on their homework. Shinobu had already finished hers while she was at the library so she paged through some enrichment texts about botany and medicine. Occasionally helping Kanao with her homework before diving right back into her book.

Mitsuri was beyond impressed with Shinobu’s academic mind. She knew the girl was smart, but reading such heavy texts for fun? Mitsuri was amazed! She was a good student herself, often surprising her more shallow peers with her knowledge and skill, but Shinobu was definitely on another level. It made Mitsuri a bit envious of Kanao, being able to check in with Shinobu whenever she had a question. Mitsuri looked back down at her biology homework before flicking her eyes back to Shinobu lounging on the couch with her book. Maybe...

“Shinobu-san?” Mitsuri tentatively asked. “Do you think you could check my work on this?”

“We’re in different years, Kanroji-senpai. I don’t know what you’re learning.” Shinobu said, not unkindly.

“I’m sure you already understand it. You seem to love the sciences Shinobu-san. Take a look, please?” Mitsuri tilted her head and batted her eyes.

Shinobu seemed to mull it over and then marked her page. Mitsuri golf clapped and bounced in her seat as the Kouhai walked over and sat next to her at the table, peering at her work. A small, pleased smile worked its way on Shinobu’s face as she realized that she new the material and it made Mitsuri smile in turn.

Shinobu looked through Mitsuri’s work and helped correct a few minor mistakes, but otherwise her work was spot on. Which Mitsuri found a tad unfortunate since Shinobu would get closer and bump arms with her and the wisteria scent would swirl through her head whenever she noticed an error.

Before long, all homework was completed and they watched a little tv before deciding they needed to turn in for the night and get ready for school the next day.

“Shinobu, you should help Mitsuri-chan make sure her knees didn’t get any debris stuck in them from that nasty tumble I heard about. I’ll set up the extra futon in your room while you do that.” Kanae said, already walking off before her sister could interject.

“Fine.” Shinobu muttered anyway, leading Mitsuri back to the bathroom and motioning her to sit up on the sink so she could better see the grazed knees.

The shower had already cleaned them off well enough, but a bit of antibacterial spray wouldn’t hurt. Shinobu took the spray from the cupboard and showed it to Mitsuri.

“You’re knees look clean, but if you want me to give them a spray of this, I can.”

Mitsuri was a bit wary. The spray was sure to sting, but being cared for by Shinobu like this made her heart flutter pleasantly.

“I wouldn’t mind a spray, thank you.”

“Sure.” Shinobu shrugged, popping the cap and spraying both of Mitsuri’s knees without a second thought.

“Ow!” Mitsuri whined. The spray really did sting.

“Sorry, I probably should have warned you.” Shinobu said, looking genuinely contrite. “Here, let me just—“ Shinobu cut herself off, blowing a gentle breeze over Mitsuri’s knees, cooling the stinging sensation.

Mitsuri was suddenly brought back to another memory that felt like it was not quite all her own. Her hand cupped in another’s as a gentle wind blew over scraped knuckles, the scent of wisteria growing stronger for a moment before she blinked and was back in Shinobu’s bathroom again.

After a moment Shinobu cleared her throat and returned to her full height, capping the spray and putting it back in its place.

“Well, better get to bed now I guess.” She said, hardly waiting for Mitsuri to follow her to her room. They said goodnight to Kanae and Kanao before shutting themselves in.

Mitsuri watched Shinobu climb into her futon, mouth slightly agape. She could hardly believe the girl wanted to go to sleep right now with all the weird visions they were experiencing. She simply had to voice this now.

“Shinobu-san, don’t you think we should talk about these weird visions we’ve been having? I can tell, you see them too, don’t you?”

“I don’t think it’s anything significant. Just hope they aren’t hallucinations brought on by being out in the rain too long. I’d hate to be sick.” Shinobu said, curling up in her futon.

“But— it’s so specific! It’s got to be more than that, right?” Mitsuri said in return.

“I don’t believe so.”

Mitsuri couldn’t believe Shinobu was ready to dismiss this all so quickly, she looked down at the hoodie she was wearing and got an idea.

“These shorts aren’t yours, but this is your sweatshirt though, isn’t it Shinobu-san?”

“Yeah.” Shinobu answered, peering up at Mitsuri inquisitively.

“You know how I can tell?”

“Because it says track and field across the front?” Shinobu asked with a bit of sass.

“No!” Mitsuri crossed her arms, “It’s because it has this wisteria scent to it when I smelled it, I had another one of those visions! I think we have a real connection Shinobu-san!”

“Hm.” Was all Shinobu could bring herself to say on the matter which made Mitsuri frown cutely.

“Shinobu-san, don’t you want to try to figure this out?”

“Not particularly. I honestly don’t think there is anything to figure out,” Shinobu flipped over, snuggling further into her covers, “I’d like to go to sleep now, I’ve got early morning practice tomorrow. Good night, Kanroji-senpai.”

“You should call me Mitsuri now. Your sisters picked it up so easily! I won’t go to bed until I hear you say it!” Mitsuri huffed, expecting Shinobu to try to hold out all night but was very surprised.

“Go to bed, Mitsuri.” Shinobu’s muffled voice called from under the covers, making Mitsuri squee with unrestrained joy.

“This is great! Hey, can I call you Shinobu-chan now maybe? Hm?”

“I don’t care.”

“Okay Shinobu-chan, prepare yourself because starting tomorrow, I’m going to figure out what this connection we have between us is!”

Mitsuri didn’t get another reply, but she didn’t mind. She snuggled into her futon and closed her eyes, thanking the quieting storm for giving her this opportunity.

#shinomitsuweek2021 #shinomitsu #shinobu kochou #shinobu kocho #mitsuri kanroji #demon slayer #kny #au

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meichenxi · 4 years

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*rant commencing*

ok guys let’s sit down and have a think about the way we talk to kids, particularly neurodivergent ones, and the weight it carries

the other day, I opened up to a friend about something really hurtful my best (and only) friend said to me when I was fifteen. It was a moment of emotional intimacy and the first time I had brought it up seven years later and, once again, I got laughed at and told I was too fucking sensitive

and ok maybe yeah I was a ridiculous child. I’m a ridiculous adult, that shouldn’t be surprising. But this hurt and hurt and hurt and I was trying to think about why this in particular and not anything else was so painful

so here’s the situation. at fifteen, like many smart kids, everyone thought the world was open to me. Ok I had no social skills to speak of and was ostracised by teachers and students and family, but I was an optimistic kid, and in a disaster of a home situation (involving kidnappings and court cases and running away and being out of school for a year and a brother starting drugs at 12 and living in a shelter and basically just a LOT) I was always the smiley helpful one. and apart from being defeated by very simple mechanisms like idk drawers or biscuit packets, I picked things up quickly. I took GCSEs early and extra and tutored others; I was a regional competitive swimmer in breaststroke and open water; I taught myself the flute and got into an international touring youth orchestra without lessons; I won a poetry competition for adults in primary school; I played competitive netball and was a long distance runner; I drew and sold my art; I wrote shitty novels and started making conlangs and was interviewed on bbc world about it; I loved performing and was invited to join a theatre company when I left school; and my biggest passion in the entire world apart from Tolkien was martial arts. And the best thing was for my parents - one of whom was disabled and didn’t work and the other who was a cleaner - is that I worked two paper rounds and tutored younger children and earned all of the money for it myself. blah blah blah. I was your mum’s friend’s kid.

well, I’m a disaster adult, so you can probably guess that none of that lasted for very long. and there are gazillions of people here with exactly the same story.

the point in question, though, was when I was fifteen and thinking about sixth form (the last two years of school in the UK) it was becoming clear alarmingly fast that you weren’t allowed to just keep doing everything you loved. at some point you had to make a choice.

but how could I give up swimming for music? Or music for languages? Or languages for athletics? Or athletics for theatre? or, actually, all of them but one???? how did people just know what they had to do with their lives? how did they choose?

the problem was, I said to my friend, I know I could do well at any of them, so how was I supposed to choose? (tactless and a stupid thing to say and also just not true but I was fifteen and simultaneously disgustingly cocky and cripplingly insecure) And he laughed and said, well, fuck you then.

oh noooo. poor meeeeeee. I’m so fucking good at things what do I dooooo

I haven’t stopped thinking about that comment for seven years. Every single time I think about wasting my potential, every time I can’t sleep because I’m terrified that I’m not being productive or useful and hating myself because I’m upset that I can’t do something right away and I know it’s a stupid thing to be upset about - I think about that comment. I’m lucky. It’s alright for some.

because, actually, being expected to know what to do with your life aged 15 is a fucking terrifying thing. we were kids at fifteen being told to make decisions as if we had all the facts, as if we weren’t also being blindfolded and spun around in circles until we couldn’t stand. Do you do what your parents say? what you think you want to do? what your teachers say? do you just stay in education even though it’s not for you because your dream is stupid, or because you don’t have a dream like everyone else seems to? are you supposed to have a dream?

*it’s NOT a stupid thing to worry about*

particularly when? well, when your entire self worth equates to the things that you output, the things that you do. so just for a moment, put yourself in the shoes of all of these wonderful, dazzling, damaged, crazy kids with big dreams and big hearts, kids that are struggling right now and kids that are our future, and imagine that you’ve been told since you were old enough to read or speak or walk that you’re just so very clever

isn’t it just wonderful how clever you are? isn’t it just great how we never need to worry about you? you’re such an easy child, it’s a blessing. always so considerate, so thoughtful, never making a fuss! isn’t it just fantastic how well you do in school? I can’t imagine what it must be like to have a child who went to all of those nasty parties. you’re so dedicated

raise your hand if you were only ever told you were good. raise your hand if you were never told you were kind.

so, what happens? you take a child, and you tell them for its entire childhood that they’re clever. You don’t tell them that they’re creative, or hard-working, or dedicated, or driven, or helpful. You let them know that it’s ok that they’re weird, because they’re going to be successful. what do you think parents say to their kid who’s crying because she has no friends and she doesn’t understand what the other children are thinking and why they would hurt each other like that? even good parents, the very best of them, say things like: you’re just more mature than they are. it doesn’t matter. keep your head down - you’ll show them.

your child, in the best case scenario, has access to her hyperfixation that makes the world big and bright and beautiful. she’s a bit weird, but it’s kind of cute. anyway, she’s good at it. and as long as she succeeds, conventionally, and you get to brag, then it’s ok that she’s a little bit unconventional.

and then things to break, just a little. and then, aged eleven, your child is having an asthma attack in the classroom because she got so anxious she couldn’t answer a maths question she couldn’t breathe. it’s ok, her parents tell her the next day. you’re just not good at maths - that’s alright. you don’t have to be good at everything

your child, because she’s perceptive, begins to realise that things don’t get better as you get older. people are just as cruel at 12 as they are at 7, and they’ll be just as cruel at 15. and then one day, as a bad joke because she doesn’t really understand humour, she writes a fake text to her dad from someone’s phone in legalese that actually has a secret code hidden it in that she knows her dad will crack right away because he’s brilliant. she thinks it’s hilarious. her father thinks he is being threatened, and spends the next week in meltdown, bedridden and burnt-out. and when she owns up, he turns and snaps at her, and says as if you could write something like that. an ADULT wrote this, not a fucking child

and suddenly, that cleverness they kept talking about? they don’t even understand that.

suddenly, no one sees her at all.

she needs to learn to be like the other kids. to be like a fucking child. and while she’s learning, she doesn’t speak for a year

that happened to me, but take your pick - I’m sure you don’t have to look far to find examples of your own.

My point is this: if you tell a child for their entire life that the only thing that is worthy of being loved is what they achieve, if every time they do something they love you tell them oh, you could be a famous writer! you’re so talented! rather than saying that you loved listening to their story, if you only praise them when they’re good and quiet and convenient and tell them that as long as they succeed, it doesn’t matter if they don’t have friends or if they’re miserable, and THEN you tell them to choose ONE THING and drop 90% of everything that makes them who they are -

what the hell did you THINK was going to happen??

because here’s the first thing. for many kids, whether that’s because of neurodivergence or age maturity or whatever, hyper fixations and hobbies aren’t just things they like to do. THEY ARE LIFELINES. they’re the things these kids go to when they’re hurt, angry, upset, because they make sense. for many kids, especially but not always girls, they are able to camouflage themselves and mask tendencies of neurodivergence because they’re ‘good students’. at a family gathering once, my mum, so frustrated at my inability and lack of desire to talk to any members of my extended family, snatched my German grammar book and locked it in the boot of the car. knowing that I escape and read it in the toilet was the only thing keeping me going, exhausted and stressed and overwhelmed. I vomited on the grass.

and here’s the second thing. you tell us from an early age that they only way we’ll ever be acceptable to the rest of society is if we succeed. autistic kids are fine, as long as they’re international maths olympiad champions. adhd kids are fine, as long as they’re famous athletes. if you’re obsessed with musicals that’s ok, as long as that obsession leads to a well-paying job as a successful writer on Broadway.

and then you tell us that we only have one chance at that success? and this decision determines the rest of our lives? and that we had so much potential when we were kids, and we better not waste it now? that not everyone is so lucky to be able to choose between so many things??

because being asked to choose between these things isn’t being asked to choose a hobby. when the only way anyone else defines you positively is by your success in one area, that becomes your entire identity.

so no, we’re not being too sensitive when you ask us to pick and choose what career, or what hobby to take forward. you’re not asking about hobbies. you’re asking us to choose what kind of person we want to be. you’re asking us to choose the most impactful way we can give back to the world, because we can’t waste those god-given talents. you’re asking us to figure out, still a child and hopelessly lost, what our purpose on this planet is. and you’re looking at us as if the ways that we survived all of these years, the things we clung to for comfort, are things we can just cast aside without further thought

ask me now, and I’ll tell you that’s not the way things work. we have second chances and third ones and tenth ones, we can be different things to different people and we can do different things at different parts in our lives, and be successful in different areas. life isn’t a fucking flowchart. and I’m still trying to come to terms with all the things I could have been, and my freak-outs about ‘wasted potential’ are so clockwork I could plan my calendar around them, but I’m beginning to understand that life doesn’t end when you’re twenty, or when you haven’t written a best-seller by eighteen. you have time.

but at fifteen? at fifteen, that question broke me.

do you know what you can do instead? you can show a little thoughtfulness. you can be kinder, and lead by example, and praise your kids when they’re kind too. when your son runs to you and shows you what you think is a better picture than you - a stick figure artisan, if you say so yourself - could ever create, you can actually just say you really like it. you can ask him if that’s him and daddy and the dog on a cloud. describe the picture back to him, and engage with this thing he’s made from his imagination - tell him the clouds he’s drawn are so big and fluffy and white, and ask if there are giant spiders living there. you know how to shut a child up? tell them yes dear, it’s wonderful. don’t be that person. promote your kid’s creativity - ask questions, have fun, play with this thing they’ve made - and not destroy it

when your daughter comes to you and shows you a song she’s written, don’t tell her she’s so talented or that she could be a musician one day. just sing along. ask her why she wrote it, and what she was thinking of when she did. ask her if she could make it different for two people singing it at the same time.

and if your child just really, really loves maths? let them do maths. it’s ok if their interests are stereotypical - as long as they love it and it’s fun, supporting them is wonderful. the best present my father ever got me was five hours of tutoring - an introduction to linguistics!! - when I turned twelve, starting on my birthday at 8am. I had never felt so understood and so loved.

as much as these simple things can destroy someone’s life, can stop them talking for a year, you have the chance to be that one voice of kindness that is a friend where a young person needs it most.

for me, this was the Bus Lady. I never knew her first name because I forgot immediately and was too embarrassed to ask again, but we got the bus together for two years right before I applied to university - she was a trainee teacher at my school. she saw that I missed tutor group and sat in the corridor every morning writing, and that I ran laps for an hour every lunchtime instead of sitting alone. but she came and sat with me one morning and asked what I was doing; I was developing a new shorthand and told her so warily.

she didn’t raise her eyebrows or say wow, that’s...that’s amazing. instead she frowned and looked at me skeptically and said ‘But why would you do that? There are plenty of functional shorthands out there - what does your shorthand have that they don’t? Tell me about it.’

I had no idea what to say

this was the first time anyone had actually ENGAGED in any capacity with what I was doing. and just like that, just by treating me seriously and asking valid questions and pointing out inconsistencies, I was a person who happened to have an idea that was in some serious need of questioning, and not a freak

there’s no way she remembers that interaction; she’s been a teacher now for year and probably doesn’t even remember who I am. But I had been this close to not going to university, to not bothering, and she made me stop, and wait a moment

she will never know the difference that that conversation and two months of kindness on the bus from a stranger made in my life.

so let’s be kind to each other, please. let’s be forgiving. let’s challenge each other and let’s engage with kids with special interests and listen to them talk. and so to any educators or teachers or parents or even other kids, I want to say - let’s treat our words seriously and with respect, like we treat our children, because they have immense capacity to hurt, because they can be used for good.

to any other fifteen year olds in a similar position, I just want to say: none of us here on tumblr have properly sorted our lives out, but I promise you it does get so much better.

you’re not too sensitive. you’re not a freak. you’re not only acceptable because you succeed. I know if you’re masking you feel you have to and it’s for survival, and I’m sorry, because you shouldn’t have to. and you should never, never have to think that you ‘have it good’ or that you’re lucky and are not allowed to hurt. there’s always some one who has it worse, and you can’t stop beat yourself up about that. fuck anyone who tells you otherwise. if you have gone through trauma, if you have unhealthy coping mechanisms, if you are depressed or anxious or otherwise mentally ill and some of it stems from this, I am so very very sorry. but you will be ok, even if you can’t write for a couple of years, or even if things change. you’ll get there. speaking as someone who is now writing for the first time in six years, drawing for the first time in longer, it’s scary and new and weird, but you will come out the other side.

and you do work hard. and you are creative. and you are loved. and you are so very, very kind.

*rant over*

#neurodivergence #neurodivergent #adhd #autism #giftedness #gifted kids #tag for this fucking awful school system?#neurodivergent kids #parenting #education #long post #meichenxi rants #mental health #trauma #depression #anxiety #mental illness #sorry for the scary tags I don't mean the post to be scary I'm just annoyed #and it got longer than I thought it would

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matchasprouts · 3 years

Text

Listen Closer - Chapter 5

[ can't stop won't stop. when will Lawrence not get cockblocked by Nar <///3 ]

First || Next || Previous || Last

Luckily for all of them, Garrett did finish that furnace before the day was over. He managed to check the trigger on the fire right before passing out face down on his bed. He told them they’d just move it to the house in the morning.

It wasn’t morning when they moved it, but it got moved out of his room at the very least before he was running out to get to his real job. He was definitely going to be late, but at least he wouldn’t have to deal with that giant machine in his living space anymore. Mark and Amanda could figure out how to get it to the house themselves.

“You’re late,” one of his coworkers teased as he clocked in and he just rolled his eyes. “And you look like shit. How do you live like this?” they continued, receiving a short glare from Garrett.

He didn’t necessarily hate his coworkers, but he wasn’t friends with them either. “Easily,” he replied shortly, leaving no more room for conversation as he clipped his nametag on his shirt and got to work.

Normally he wasn’t so short with them, but he was tired and wanted to get on with the day so he could help with the final preparations for the game.

The day went by quickly, especially because Nar remembered he had his phone number and would occasionally send him pictures of Amanda working, or a joking picture of Hoffman’s ass. He even received a picture of Lawrence ranting about something, probably a bad hospital show. Stuff like that always got him through the day.

“Is that your new boyfriend?” The coworker from earlier, Nadia, asked when they got a glimpse of one of the Hoffman ass pics. They backed off at the look Garrett gave them.

“No.” That was where he left it, putting his phone in his pocket and getting back to work. He was very lucky that Nadia didn’t get the chance to see him turn bright red at the mere idea of Hoffman being his boyfriend.

It was around 5pm when Garrett finally got off, practically running out of the bookstore and heading directly for his car. He was kind of aware of Nadia trying to talk to him as he sped out of the door, but didn’t care enough to stay put.

He was partly rushing so much because he needed to help finish the trap, but mostly because right before his shift ended, he’d gotten a text from Nar:

‘help gordon is trying to walk and idk what to do, he’s just hobbling around with his lil prosthetic help-’

He TOLD Gordon to wait until he could help him, and now he was speeding toward the base, two miles away from being pulled over for how fast he was driving. Plus there was the fact that the other two apprentices weren’t supposed to know about him, according to John, and the picture attached to the text showed him one of the main work rooms.

Fucking idiot, Gordon was supposed to be smart and here he was, being the dumbest bitch in the Jigsaw house, stepping way too close to getting killed.

---

… Apparently the other apprentices weren’t home.

Amanda was already at the Nerve Gas House to help with finishing touches, and Hoffman was at the precinct to “help” with the newest Jigsaw case, meaning Gordon was not in danger of being killed.

Garrett still scolded him.

“I can’t believe you!” He hissed as Gordon leaned into his side, trapped by the arm across his back and the hand placed on his midriff. “I told you! I told you not to try to move around without my help! You know Nar can’t support your weight!!”

Gordon just chuckled at him, the gravelly sound just pissing him off more rather than flustering him like usual.

“Lawrence!! This isn’t a joke!!! I’m genuinely worried about your dumb ass!!!!” Garrett continued, his voice slightly more high pitched in annoyance. Gordon just laughed at him again, making him huff as he practically dragged the doctor back to his room.

It was when he was finally sat down that Gordon said something. “I know you’re worried, but I wasn’t going to call you out of work just so I can walk around.”

“Wh- That’s what I expected you to do!!” Garrett countered, almost offended at the idea that Gordon thought his job was more important than him. “You literally can’t walk without help, and you’ve been bedridden for months! You don’t even have a cane yet!”

Gordon was just watching him at this point as he continued to list off reasons he should have been called, a small smile on his face at how animated Garrett got when he was passionate about something.

“... Why are you staring at me like that?” Garrett asked once he noticed Gordon’s gaze, his hands frozen midair in one of his wild gestures.

“You called me Lawrence.” Garrett’s eyes widened, he hadn’t even noticed. “And I like listening to your voice. I know you’re busy, but I wish you would visit more often, even if it was just to talk.”

Bro stop you’re scaring the hoes with attachment issues who are afraid of relationships (Garrett).

“Wh- I don’t-” Garrett’s stammering was cut off by Gordon’s lip suddenly connecting with his, and he mentally cursed himself for almost immediately melting into it.

The kiss didn’t last long because Gordon had stood up to reach Garrett, and he pulled back to sit back down on the bed, but that didn’t last long either.

As if he’d been waiting for it his whole life, Garrett practically lunged at the doctor, pulling him into another, slightly more desperate kiss. His hands were gripping Gordon’s shirt hard enough that it would definitely be forever wrinkled like that, and he was pretty much in the other man’s lap.

He was worried he was coming off too strong for all of two seconds, the concern dissipating when Gordon’s hands found his hips, holding him there in a tight grip.

Garrett had just begun to thread his fingers through Gordon’s hair- two seconds away from pulling at it- when there was a knock on the door.

Both of them jumped, Garrett shooting back like he’d been shocked. “I forgot we weren’t alone,” he whispered to Gordon, gaining a soft laugh from the doctor. Both of them took a moment to put themselves back together (when had Gordon started unbuttoning Garrett’s shirt?) before answering the door.

Nar glanced between the two of them, seemingly surprised that they looked like they had when they went in- luckily, the room was dark enough to conceal their flushed faces and Garrett’s very red lips.

“You done yelling at him?” he asked Garrett, who nodded in reply. “Good. John wants you at the Nerve Gas House, he wants you to set up the razor box.” Right. Garrett had forgotten about that.

He took one last glance at Gordon before sighing. “I’m so sick of that box,” he muttered, though he accepted his fate and headed out in far less of a frenzy than before. To be completely honest, he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to finish what he started with Gordon. But… the others needed his help, and he needed to give it.

That didn’t mean he didn’t spend the whole drive there thinking about the feeling of Gordon’s lips on his, and what else he could do to the good doctor the next time they were alone.

---

“Does that look good?” Garrett asked Hoffman once the razor box was attached to the ceiling, taking a few steps back to stand next to the detective.

He’d been having trouble with getting the box to hang evenly, which was a struggle he was no stranger to, so he’d brought Hoffman in to take a look at it.

The detective tilted his head slightly to the side as he inspected it, before letting out a soft hum. “You finally got it,” he confirmed, straightening back up. He didn’t flinch when Garrett let out a triumphant whoop, which was proof that one could get used to him quickly.

“You’re a godsend,” Garrett told him, slapping him on the shoulder before leaving the room, running down the hall to tell John and Amanda the good news. He could hear Hoffman following him, but absolutely did not slow down.

He skidded into the main room where John and Amanda were going over the plan for the thousandth time, almost tripping over his own foot and sending himself crashing into the ground. His only saving grace was Hoffman grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him back onto his feet.

John and Amanda stared at him like he was crazy for all of two seconds, before completely ignoring the fact that he almost just curbstomped himself into the floor. “I finally got the razor box straight,” Garrett spoke up, also acting as if he did not almost just die. “All my traps are good to go. Now, I desperately need sleep, so I’m gonna go home and take a two hour nap.”

He wasn’t. He was going to go back to his apartment and frantically draw up plans until he passed out from sleep deprivation at 2am. That was his permanent Jigsaw trap, one he could never escape from.

Wow. That was the most emo thought he’d had since middle school.

“Anyway. Good-bye.” With that, he turned on his heel and walked out of the house, but not after patting Hoffman- who had still been awkwardly standing behind him- on the chest, slipping a piece of paper into the front pocket of his shirt.

What was on it, you ask? A gay little doodle of Hoffman setting up the door gun. Why did he give it to him? He doesn’t know how to flirt. This is the best he’s got.

He went straight ‘home’ after that, a little annoyed he couldn’t go back to the base but also knowing that his neighbours were weirdly nosy and would “get concerned” if he didn’t show up to his apartment regularly.

Plus, his couch there was a really comfortable bed.

#story tag: listen closer #self ship fic #self shipping #self insert #scrap.writing #scrap.ships #romantic: ⛓🕵️‍♂️#s/i: garrett whitlock #mark hoffman #romantic: 🦿🩺#(poly) romantic: ⛓🩺#lawrence gordon #chapter 5

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tellywoodtrash · 4 years

Text

immj2 04.11.20 lb

ok speed-watched the 3rd nov ep and here are the highlights:

mummy and kabir ka freakout about ragini being alive.

someone in a mask (siya??????) knocking already paralysed riddhima out with chloroform when she tries to make a call to kabir.

kabir sneaking into the mansion and riddhima passing on a message to him in the form of a conversation with vansh, during which she challenges V that she'll steal ragini away from him.

kabir looking 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽 hey boy are you a family pack of haldiram's aloo bhujia coz you AN ABSOLUTE SNACCCC. (i think there was a convo between him and mummy ki she has to help riddhima so that riddhima can get him to ragini. but i was too busy staring at his neck/chest coz......... tharak. 😜😜😜)

vansh digging a grave in his backyard at midnight like the fucking weirdo he is, and riddhima being like smh really, i got horny for THIS dude???????

some cocky talk by vansh next morning about how his mission for revenge is finally gonna come to a head today and how riddhima should be happy coz this means that they can start their new lives together. followed by some truly savage dahi-cheeni eating that grossed me tf out. this show really doing The Most to make this hot dude absolutely repulsive to me.

vansh instructing ishani to keep an eye on riddhima to make sure she doesn't leave the house today.

ok now that you're caught up, onwardsssssssssss!

———————————————————————

*pink panther theme music playing*

mummy distracting ishani from noticing riddhima in the most Boomer way possible; phone mein app download nahi ho raha, mere liye kardo plssssssss.

“teen saal pehle jo kaam humara fail ho gaya tha woh waapas aa raha hai.” 0.0% surprising revelation that they the ones who tried to murder ragini.

mask person has knocked riddhima out YET AGAIN. THE SECOND TIME IN LIKE, 12 HOURS. DUDE. THIS CAN'T BE GOOD FOR HER HEALTH. Y'ALL FUCKING CRAZY.

oh thank god, dadi is finally back. not that inki kuch khaas chalti hai, but at least these three raisinghania hellions will stop constantly giving riddhima mini-comas every 6 hours, on the dot. yes, i'm fully including siya in it, i'm absolutely sure that she's the mask person now. idk why, but i am.

mummy is like oufff isko nikalna tha aur behosh ho gayi aur ab yahaan baithi juice pee rahi hai manhoos.

riddhima like yup, there's definitely another person here other than ishani who's helping vansh. YEAH IT SIYA YOU DUMBASSSSSSSS.

riddhima doing bukhaar waali acting and i'm sure has hacked the thermometer hum hain raahi pyaar ke style to show temp of 103.

a doctor has been called and kabir has been informed ki riddhima is awwal number ki nikkami jisne saara plan fail kiya hua hai.

but behen is super duper determined and convinced that she will beat vansh no matter what. yeah sis. beat him. beat him over the head with a danda.

lmaoooooooooooooo look at these two smirking at each other over their shady shenanigans. the real love story of this show.

“aise important mauke waste karna hi uska talent hai.” i truly live for mummy's verbal evisceration of riddhima.

kabir sure ki this is part of riddhima's plan. get you a man like kabir who has fulllllll confidence in you. not one like vansh who constantly underestimates you. oh, and paralyses you.

ishani is truly Forever Mood.

gaadi ruk gayi. smirky boys not smirking anymore.

snort. someone’s been watching a little too much ipk on hotstar.

riddhima has picked up a trick from the raisinghanias. aur do issko ideas.

“i'm so proud of you riddhima!!!!!!!!”

i love his snarky asssssss so much.

SHE WAS RUSHING AROUND SAYING TIME NAHI HAI TIME NAHI HAI HAR EK MINUTE KEEMTI HAI RAGINI KO BACHAANE KE LIYE, BUT NOW SHE HAS TIME TO STAND AROUND AND IMAGINE HER TWO BOYTOYS DEBATING ABOUT PYAAR AND FARZ. GODDDDDDDDDDDDD

waise bhi, do hotties ko saath mein imagine karr hi rahi ho toh bhi yeh lameass debate? wouldn't be me. my imagination would have them shirtless and wrestling for my hand in marriage.

BITCH EVERY MAN IS A UNIQUE NIGHTMARE IN HIS OWN WAY; STOP WASTING TIME OVER CHOOSING ONE OF THEM AND JUST GET YOUR ASS MOVINGGGGGGGG

rrahul's angry acting is unbearable.

doctor has to be a dumbass not to ask her why it took her HALF AN HOUR to just give one injection. and what's with the drastic change in eye makeup situation?!?!!?!?! the patient gave you a makeover?????

ishani yeh ghatiya blue lenses hatao toh tumhe dikhe jo mummy ko dikha.

idhar they've literally been standing around doing jack for one hour. in this time, literally 40 autos have passed him and he didn't think to hail even one of them.

EVEN NOW HE'S SCREAMING AT THE CARS TO STOP AND NOT THE EMPTYASSSSSSS AUTOS. ARE YOU ALLOWED TO BE A MAFIA LEADER OR WHATEVER THE FUCK HE IS THAT MADE HIM SO GODDAMN RICH IF YOU'RE THIS FUCKING STOOOOOPID????????

pachchis minute to reach aaaaaaaaaaaaaand...........

yup. this is the choice he makes. wonderful.

riddhima’s new gig as an uber driver has commenced with an auspicious customer.

RACE SAANSON KI.

RACE CHAAHAT KI.

RACE DHADKAN KI.

MY HEART IS RACING ON!!!!!!!!! (because i am very very unfit and have severe anxiety.)

watch out milind soman, you got competition in the hot-dude-running-for-absolutely-no-good-reason department.

ishani knows bhaabi sus as hell and damn near breaking the door down.

but dadi came and took her away. but not before they peeked in and saw SOMEONE in bed and assumed it's riddhima. raisinghanias really got shit for brains.

meanwhile..........

yeah, this looks like it's going as well as i expected.

he just hurt his leg and then when he stood up the pant leg still spotless white.

if kabir wasn't a murderous psycho who wanted to murder ragini himself his righteous anger seeing her haalat would totally turn me on rn.

LMAO WHAT, YOU WANT HER TO TAKE RAGINI OUT WHILE YOU HANDLE THE NURSE?!?!?! HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE HOW IS TINY BIRD LIKE RIDDHIMA SUPPOSED TO SMUGGLE AN UNCONSCIOUS WOMAN HER SIZE OUT???? LET *HER* HANDLE THE NURSE AND YOU CARRY RAGINI OUT, YOU FUCKING DUMBASS.

“usse harm mat karna.”

kabir nods yes AND THEN PROMPTLY GOES ON TO SUFFOCATE THE NURSE. MAN, YOU PPL IN THIS SHOW REALLY TAKE UNCONSCIOUSNESS VERYYYYYYYYYYYYY LIGHTLY.

how is ragini's hair so shiny and conditioned and still in the braid after being bedridden for 3 years, when my hair is a fucking chidiya ka ghosla after a half hour nap????

lo, yeh mahashay finally pohunch gaye.

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

oh thank god. idk why i'm so invested in kameena kabir getting away with his shit, but i am. i just like him better.

he knows someone is here and made the nurse unconscious. THEN WHY THE FUCK IS HE YELLLLLLLLLLLING AND LETTING WHOEVER IS TRYING TO GET RAGINI KNOW THAT HE’S HERE AND COMING INTO THE ROOM?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?

pls god can this show free rrahul??? he needs to be in a softboy romantic role where he can flash his puppy eyes and sassy smile. this role is just notttttttt a good fit for him. THIS IS LIKE WHEN THEY MADE OMKARA A CRAZYASS JUNGLEEEEEE IN DBO ALLLLLL OVER AGAIN. IT JUST DOESN’T FIT THE ACTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LMAO ISKI KHUSHIIIIIIIII TOH DEKHO. truly, nothing makes me happier than a woman who has fucked a man over and made him miserable. and this one toh particularly deserved it also. i know it��s all gonna turn to shit later coz she’ll have ruined some mission that had a “noble” reason behind it, but for now, i’m happy she managed to get at least a small badla for the paralysis thing.

#ishq mein marjawan 2 #immj2 #immj2 lbs #episode liveblogs

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sgtduckybucky · 5 years

Text

hellos and goodbyes

Genre: Hurt/comfort, romance, angst.

Warning(s): no warnings.

Words: 1426

A/N: I watched his dark materials because i love james mcavoy and decided I should write something. please note that I’ve tweaked a few things. idk if women could work as librarians at oxford during that time era but screw sexism lmao. also, idk how old asriel is supposed to be exactly but i’m imagining him to be around 37-47 years old.

lastly, forgive me for any typos and grammar error it’s almost two am.

»»————-　♡　————-««

A slimy creature slithers its way up your leg, moving upwards until it’s finally resting on your shoulder. Its head is brought closely to your ear as it hissed, “He’s here.”

Not stopping from putting the books in the correct order, you commented, “Oh, is he.” with one plucked eyebrow raised upwards.

The snake darted its tongue out, its smooth texture tickling your ear lobe and leaving a wet spot on it. You smiled gently at the feeling as your daemon hissed a witty comment before disappearing somewhere underneath your clothes.

As the footsteps grew louder, you finally looked up from the books in your hand and glanced to where Lord Asriel was making his way towards his room.

“Y/N.” He gasped in surprise of your appearance in his study room before clearing his throat and quickly calling you by your surname.

“Welcome back, Lord Asriel.” You greeted with a playful smile on red coated lips.

Lord Asriel rolled his eyes, “I told you to call me Asriel.”

“Can’t really,” You turned to face the bookshelf to finish your task of arranging the books that Lord Asriel had requested for, “I’m still working and I’d very much like to keep my job.” And once you’ve finished putting the books away, you turned to fully face Lord Asriel, “How was your trip?”

“It was fine.” Asriel murmured as he shrugged off his coat, “Long but fine.”

You nodded politely and began to make your way out of the study room to head back to the library. But as you made your way out, Asriel’s hand darted out and gently took hold of your arm as you passed by him, “Meet me tonight?” His voice dropped a few octaves as he whispered his question.

“Usual time and place?”

At his subtle nod, you smiled shyly and walked way.

It was around ten at night when you knocked on the heavy wooden door. Two knocks for when you were visiting Asriel with a member of the university and three knocks when you were visiting him on your own. And one knock is for when you cannot visit but want to inform him that he could visit you in your bedchambers.

“Come in.” Asriel greeted softly.

As you stepped into the room, you were a bit thrown off to see Lyra deep asleep on the armchair.

“I was just about to take her to bed. I won’t be long.”

Nodding, you watched as Asriel carried his niece bridal style and walked up the stairs. As you waited for him, you took in the room you were in.

You’ve been in Asriel’s room many times but it always felt different when Asriel returns to the university. It felt...homey. As if there was life in it and not some abandoned room that some of the students would create ludacris stories about the room being haunted.

Just as you sat down on the armchair closest to the fireplace, did Asriel finally return.

“Drinks?” He asked as he poured a glass of white wine, glancing in your direction for your reply.

“No thank you.”

As you watched Asriel pour himself a drink and then make his way towards you, you’ve finally noticed his appearance. He looked haggard. The skin on his face was wrinkled, his light brown colored hair was slowly greying and the frown lines around his lips were more prominent. He has aged. Though beautifully, you can see how his life has taken its toll on him. But due to his circumstances, you understood why.

“So how long will you be staying this time? A weekend?” Although your tone of voice was light, your heart was heavy. When every Asriel visited Jordan College, it was always for short period of times and his visits seemed to be growing shorter. The longest he had stayed was ten days and the shortest was five.

Guilt flashed in those sky blue eyes of his that you were certain would’ve charmed many people back in his days of youth, “I’m leaving tomorrow.”

You tried very hard to not slump in your seat and frown at his answer but it was very difficult to do so. Instead, you nodded your head once, twice before getting up from the armchair and made your way to the large window that overlooked the gardens.

You’ve been working at the college for the past five years, right after you’ve graduated from an unknown and surely an unimpressive all girls college. But it was all that you could afford to attend to and with the way political views were changing, you were able to land a job at Jordan College.

You haven’t worked for too long at the college, yes, but you’ve easily attached yourself with the staff working here and with Lyra and Roger. Which, naturally, led you to meeting Asriel.

At first, he didn’t so much as glance at you. Too busy reporting back from his explorations and findings before being whisked away by Lyra. It wasn’t until one of his short visits to the college and when Lyra didn’t run up to him with twinkling eyes did Asriel took notice of you.

As it happened, that one visit when Lyra was eight, she was bedridden with a terrible case of the common cold. Asriel had rushed to his niece’s room, concern poorly masked as he watched you replace the wet cloth on her forehead.

“She’s going to be just fine.” You had stated, aware of the man standing rigidly just a few steps behind you. And true to your words, just two days later and Lyra was better than before. And ever since that day, a relationship had bloomed between you and Asriel.

You blinked the unshed tears as you sensed Asriel come stand behind you. You could see in the reflection on the window how he lifted his arms upwards to place his hands on your shoulders, only to freeze just shyly above them.

He sighed deeply through his nose in frustration before lowering his hands and bringing them to his sides, “Y/N.”

Not wanting to ruin the short couple of hours remaining between the both of you, you turned away from the window and faced Asriel with a gentle smile, “I’m fine.”

But Asriel didn’t believe your words nor your smile. For he then slowly lifted raised his hands upwards and cupped your cheeks.

Your breath hitched and your heart skipped a beat. Your eyes grew wider slightly at his action, “Asriel?” You breathed his name softly, eyes never looking away from his blue ones.

“You know how much I wish I could stay here and be with you and Lyra. To stay and never have to look behind my back every two seconds to make sure no one’s following me. To live a normal and safe life, but I can’t.” Asriel spoke quietly, his thumb caressing your cheeks.

You looked away from him. Fully understanding his situation and how he’s doing all those explorations for Lyra and her safety. You were angry at yourself for falling for a man whose not only almost a decade older than you but also lives a dangerous life and is always half way across the world. You also felt ashamed for being upset at him for only staying just for the night when you hadn’t the right. After all, you were neither his wife or girlfriend.

“Y/N,” Asriel called your name softly as he gently tilted your head upwards. Expecting him to tell you about how dangerous his life is and that he will make it up for both you and Lyra when his mission succeeded, you were surprised when Asriel began to lean in until he managed to close the gap between you.

A soft sound of surprise escaped through your lips as Asriel kissed you. Slow and savory yet shy and sweet. Slowly, your eyes began to droop before they were fully closed.

The kiss soon grew intense and passionate as Asriel tried to pour all of his emotions and frustrations into the kiss. How he wished he didn’t have to leave you and Lyra behind, how he wished he could at least take the both of you with him had it not been dangerous and how he wished he lived a normal life. But he doesn’t and he probably never will.

“I love you.” He muttered, warm breath fanning over your swollen spit covered lips.

“I love you too.” You replied breathlessly.

Asriel smiled at you before leaning in again to kiss your lips one more time.

#his dark materials #his dark materials imagine #lord asriel x reader #lord asriel imagine #lord asriel #james mcavoy

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wetalkinboutbooks · 5 years

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We Hunt the Flame by Hafsah Faizal

Summary: People lived because she killed.

People died because he lived.

Zafira is the Hunter, disguising herself as a man when she braves the cursed forest of the Arz to feed her people. Nasir is the Prince of Death, assassinating those foolish enough to defy his autocratic father, the king. If Zafira was exposed as a girl, all of her achievements would be rejected; if Nasir displayed his compassion, his father would punish him in the most brutal of ways.

Both are legends in the kingdom of Arawiya—but neither wants to be.

War is brewing, and the Arz sweeps closer with each passing day, engulfing the land in shadow. When Zafira embarks on a quest to uncover a lost artifact that can restore magic to her suffering world and stop the Arz, Nasir is sent by the king on a similar mission: retrieve the artifact and kill the Hunter. But an ancient evil stirs as their journey unfolds—and the prize they seek may pose a threat greater than either can imagine. (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings:

→ Geena: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

→ Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Overall: We Hunt the Flame is a rich Arabia inspired fantasy with characters that you easily fall for (like the two of us with Altair lmao). Personally, we wouldn’t classify the romance as an insta-love, it’s more of an insta-annoyance and gradual build up to feelings. The story keeps you on your toes and Hafsah does an amazing job at tying in different plot points together. Also, it’s got that amazing unlikely group of friends trope :’) SO if you haven’t already, check out this book we highly recommend it!

Spoiler-Full Discussion Below...

The Good:

→ The Premise and Characters

Kae: So we start off with Zafira hunting in the Arz, a forest that is full of darkness. Once you go into the Arz, there is no coming out. But our girl Zafira is a baddie and she can travel the Arz without much trouble. She can always find her way out. She hunts in the Arz for her village because it is an icy, barren land and it is their main source of food. The thing is, Zafira is a woman so no one can ever find out she is the famed Hunter of the Arz, or she’ll probs get like, banished. But her two best friends, Yasmine and Deen, know her secret and keep it safe. Along with her sister and bedridden mother. Zafira has acquired this wonderful hunting skill from her father, who taught her everything she knew so she could fend for herself and well… Those skills came in hand because he got lost in the Arz one day, kind of went crazy, stumbled out, then tried to kill his family. So Zafira’s mother did what she had to do and killed him to save her daughters. She (Zafira’s mother) has been plagued by nightmares since.

Geena: Kae outlined the premise of Zafira’s story really well! On the other hand we have Nasir, the crown prince of Arawiya and one of the most feared assassins across the caliphates. He’s also hated by literally everyone in his life… especially his dad. Nasir was raised (See: forced) into becoming the Sultan’s weapon, killing anyone that dared to oppose him. We find out that Nasir’s mom, the Sultana, died ~mysteriously~ when he was young and after that his dad went batshit crazy essentially. Nasir does everything as a means to get his dad’s love and approval (even though he likes to pretend that he’s just doing shit just because ‘i have no life so might as well kill’). Nasir ends up falling for some servant girl, who’s tongue the Sultan serves to him in a golden box. After that he is very angsty like, “I can’t love anyone :( ” Or so he thinks.

Kae: Then we have our secondary characters. Like, the ‘friends we made a long the way’ characters who all def were trying to kill one another but it’s cool now ‘cause they love each other :)

Geena: The magical artifact was the magic of friendship :’)

Kae: LMAO YES. So we have Kifah, she is from Pelusia and she is a badass legendary warrior who is fast as lightniiiing, WILL ABSOLUTELY kick your ass with a staff (she won’t hesitate, BITCH) and she’s also really pretty and tall and she brings her own snacks and seasoning. I can relate because I too, bring seasoning and snacks when I know they will be needed. Kifah is funny, sarcastic, and one of the few people that has a witty retort to Altair and his tomfoolery. She also has a thing for Altair.

Altair, we love him! He’s a big buff boi with pretty eyes and a dazzling smile. He also makes a lot of dick jokes and is an absolute CHILD. But we love him for it and so does Kifah. They have the hots for each other. My boi doesn’t have good aim and he killed his homie on accident but we’ll get to that later. He is the #1 general in Ghameq’s (Nasir’s father) army and is ordered to tag along with Nasir on this unintentional road to friendship. He is the sunshine in Nasir’s life and Nasir HATES IT BECAUSE HE’S AN EMO BOI.

Geena: ALTAIR IS THE SUN TO NASIR’S MOON HONESTLY. ALSOO, we got our two best boys that unfortunately didn’t make it to the end :/ Deen, aka the boy that loved Zafira enough to go on an impossible quest with her and then die for her too. He’s Yasmine’s older brother and an absolute sweetheart who wears his emotions on his sleeve when around Zafira. In a way, he was Zafira’s first boyfriend who she didn’t love romantically. Deen proposes to her and she’s like *radio silence*. I DIED AT THAT KAE…. SHE WAS LIKE “NO COMMENT”

Kae: RADIO SILENCE LMAOO SHE WAS. She pulled a, “okay but like the arz tho…”

Geena: But yea! Deen literally dies in the first few chapters because of Altair’s shit aim…. No one ever hand him another bow and arrow again plz. So like I’m thinking Hafsah made him super sweet the first few chapters just so we would be devastated when he died like 5 chapters later or something.

We also have our wise old Safin (essentially an immortal Elf but like cooler) Benyamin, who is centuries old and a book nerd (relatable). He and Kifah join Nasir, Altair, and Zafira later on in their quest, and he seems to know a lot more than he lets one. We learn that Benyamin is the living embodiment of that one meme “Baby jordans, never worn - for sale” bc of his baby that didn’t make it :/. He wants the whole crew to be like a little family so bad that he enforces the word “zumra” aka gang on them and overall he was sly but sweet nonetheless and he too…. Kicked the can… all for the zumra :’(

→ The Ride or Die Relationships

Geena: One thing that Hafsah Faizal writes really well is the friendships between Zafira and the small crew that knows that she’s actually the Hunter that’s been keeping them fed for years. Zafira’s absolute best friend, Yasmine, supports Zafira in all her decisions EXCEPT for the decisions where Zafira parades as a man. Deen I suppose is the same as Yasmine, except he’s less snarky. It’s canon that Zafira would lay down her life for Yasmine, and not to sound like a weirdo but Zafira was wildly jealous when Yasmine got married to Misk... like “ugh now I have to share my bestie with a man??” only explanation is that Zafira is bi confirmed. Also, where we had Zafira ready to die for Yasmine, we also have Deen ready to die for Zafira (and he does...😭). IDK how Deen was hot, smart, sweet, and everything in between and he still died. Hafsah gave us the perfect man and was like “yeea FUCK that, the only love interest will be leech-scars sad boy.” ANYWAYS, The Zafira-Yasmine-Deen triangle is a whole “I would die for you” thing, whereas Yasmine is more of a “I would kill for you” and I think that’s beautiful :’)

Kae: Alrighty, so we also have the relationship between Altair and Nasir. They aren’t as close as Zafira, Deen, and Yasmine. At all. But they kind of have this “if it were not for the laws of this land, I would kill you” thing between them and it’s hilarious. Nasir is constantly like, “I can and will kill you, you bastard brute of a man” and Altair is like “do it bitch, I dare you” and Nasir tears up and stomps away like a brat. But as this journey continues, Nasir gets a newfound respect for Altair because he soon learns Altair isn’t a dumb brute at all and is actually pretty bright. Did we mention they’re brothers? Yeah, that’s a thing. But Nasir doesn’t learn this until the end of the story. Did Altair know the whole time? Yes. Did he swear to their mother to protect him? That as heavily implied so also yes. SO now Nasir is like, “oh noooo, I wanted to kill my brother and was also ORDERED BY MY BITCHASS DADDY TO KILL HIM” then boom goes the dynamite and Nasir finds that he can be a good boi. ANYWAYS WE LOVE ALTAIR IN THIS HOUSE.

Geena: OKAY SINCE KAE MENTIONED IT, AND THE WHOLE ALTAIR-NASIR THING. See since I have poor reading comprehension, I didn’t realize that Altair had promised to protect Nasir. SO THIS BRINGS ABOUT THE QUESTION of the servant girl, Kulsum, that Nasir realizes is working for Altair. The same girl that appeared around the time Nasir’s mom “died”, so does that mean Altair had sent her to help console his brother 👀 Does Altair feel partly responsible for the Sultan tearing out Kulsum’s tongue?? If so… both Altair and Nasir need mad therapy

The Bad:

→ The Sea Monster

Kae: So, this isn’t inherently bad and we honestly have nothing bad to say about the book, let’s get that straight. But we wanted to mention it because it was eh. So we have a sea monster scene when Altair and Nasir are on their way to the island. It’s from an old folktale they’d heard growing up, that sea monsters lurked in the sea. They end up running into a sea monster and it is blind and attacking their ship. It is following them by sound so they eventually realize they need to shut the hell up. But then there is our wonderful golden buff boy, Altair. He starts singing, taunting the sea monster and Nasir is like “BOY IF U DONT-” but then his singing kills it. Apparently, the monster hates music and song? So there’s that. It as a very quick scene and I kind of wish I was longer and more dangerous. I wanted some bloodshed! Maybe a sunken ship! But it was still okay.

Geena: Kae said everything that had to be said about that scene. And I agree, it was cool to have a monster from the author’s folklore, but at the same time, it didn’t really add much to the story other than the fact that Altair knows how to sing (whether he can sing well is a different story).

The Ugly...Crying:

→ The Lion and The Sultan

Geena: This is going to be very cliche but the ugliest thing in this book was the Sultan, our main villain, who is later revealed to be controlled by the Lion aka some ancient ifrit-safin hybrid dude that was the cause of all of Arawiya’s problems. First off, we find out near the end that the Sultan is possessed by the Lion because Nasir’s mom had a big swig of dumbass juice and gave the Sultan a pendant from the place where the Lion was imprisoned. So, following his mother’s “Death” Nasir watches the Sultan’s descent into a sort of madness and suffers under his dad’s abuse. The Lion is also Nasir’s Mom’s Ex so you can imagine what kind of shitshow that was. The Lion is also coincidentally Altair’s dad, and I’m guessing the Lion was like “fuck them kids” because he wanted Nasir to murder Altair... his only son :/ ANYWAYS, the Lion is a terrible dad 0/10 should ever have kids.

ALSOOO THIS BITCH WAS OUT HERE CONTROLLING ZAFIRA HALF HER LIFE??? And was instrumental in her dad’s death, since he’s the embodiment of dark magic -- which makes up the Arz (evil forest) -- we learn that the Lion coaxed Zafia’s dad into entering the forest and essentially turning him mad, which lead to her mom killing him. AND IN A WAY, he can control Zafira?? Or at least get into her head.

Kae: Geena said everything perfectly. The Lion is a skank bitch and we HATE HIM. But if we hate him, that means he was written really well so HELL YEAH HAFSAH. Now to the Sultan. The Sultan, like Geena said, is possessed by the Lion. And upon learning that in the book, I kind of felt bad for him and Nasir. Nasir remembers when his father was kind and loved him. He has watched the decline of the Sultan and this drastic change from kind to 100% evil as fuuuck. The Sultan has no control over this and Nasir just wants to please his father to get that love back from him. He sees small flashes of the man the Sultan used to be, but they are very quick and sometimes he almost misses it. The real Sultan is stomped out by the Lion whenever he peeks through.

Geena: Like can the sultan see the shit that the lion is doing? BRO THAT WOULD BE TORTURE! Oh my god, when they finally break the spell on him there are going to be so many tears between Nasir and his dad.

Kae: YOO WHAT IF IT’S LIKE HE CAN SEE EVERYTHING OUT OF HIS OWN EYES BUT CAN’T CONTROL IT? DUDE NOW IM EXTRAAA SAD.

Geena: What’s sadder than all that? THE FACT THAT OUR FAVOURITE HIMBO, ALTAIR, GOT LEFT BEHIND. At the height of the action as Nasir and the surviving zumra are escaping we find out that Altair never makes it to their escape ship…. Even though it was Altair’s powers that helped them escape. And then we find out that he’s stuck in the Lion’s lair…. Thinking that no one cared to look for him… scuse me while I weep…. Hafsah didn’t have to do him like that 😭

Kae: OKAY MOOD. YOU SAID IT PERFECTLY. And like, she wrote that part so well. Because you know how sometimes the reader knows something the characters don’t? Like, NONE OF US, THE READER OR THE CHARACTERS realized Altair was left behind until Hafsah mentioned it. It was heart-shattering. And everyone is instantly like “shit shit shit shit we fucked UP. We have to go back.” But they can’t go back. So everyone in this feels horrible. Altair feels horrible because he thinks his friends (and beautiful warrior crush) have left him behind. Nasir feels horrible because he left his brother. And the rest of the zumra because they left their friend. Also, the reader, because we see how all this shit went down. It’s just a whole roller coaster of emotions and ALTAIR IS LOVELY AND WE WANT HIM BACK. But this also leaves potential for him to switch sides and join his evil father. It’s totally a possibility and we do NOT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO OUR FAVE. OUR HABIBI (because he calls Nasir that and Nasir, the brooding death prince hates that) HAS TO COME BACK SAFE AND UNHARMED... fin

Conclusion

Geena: That concludes our review, we didn’t really touch on the romance and so on but it’s how you say… a slow burn? Also, we had so many thoughts about the characters because they’re all soo interesting and have their own stories that we LOVED. Hafsah did a great job at world-building and introducing her individual characters gradually, she didn’t just slap us with like six characters at once and call it a day. AND HER PLOT TWISTS??? POETIC CINEMA… As a self-proclaimed dunce, I did not see half of them coming, every single thing I thought would happen didn’t happen. For example, I thought that Benyamin was Altair’s dad at some point. Overall, this is a great Arabia inspired fantasy with engaging characters and a fast-paced plot that keeps you guessing what’ll happen next. I give it 9/10 (-1 for Altair’s suffering).

Kae: Ngl I totally forgot about the romance. “It means nothing” GAH THE FOOL. BUT YES. I can’t believe we forgot the romance and their collar bone touching. Also the inevitable ‘omg I just caught you coming out of the bath and now I see your scars oooo’ and honestly tho mood because I wouldn’t avert my eyes either. ANYWAY, the world-building is beautifully written as were the characters. Geena is right. Everyone has their own stories and the time was taken out to tell each one. None of the characters were dumbed down and neither were their backstories. They all had their own personalities and interests and quirks. The fantasy, the magic, and the history was rich. There was never a boring moment. I give it a 10/10 because I was super entertained and the slowburn was to die for. BUUUT. I’m still SICK that Deen was killed off five minutes into the adventure because I would’ve loved to see him giving Nasir the ~death glare~ whenever he looked at Zafira ASJDADKLJK.

Geena: IM CRYING, YES I AGREE 100% Wish we had gotten that good ol’ Deen-Nasir beef.

Kae: omg it would’ve been such a good beef because I feel like they would absolutely become friends at some point and HATE that they respect each other. WELP. THAT BE ALL, FOLKS. READ THIS BOOK CAUSE IT’S GOOD.

#We Hunt the Flame #Hafsah Faizal #book review #booklr

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tempestaurora · 6 years

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WHUMPVEMBER #16: BEDRIDDEN

idk i wrote this this morning with a plan to rewrite it this evening but i’m in a hole right now so we’re taking it as it is | AO3

Tony frowned at the bundle of blankets and soft toys, Peter twitching by his side. “There’s no reason to be worried,” he said, the crease between his brow deepening.

“I’m not worried,” Peter replied in a rush. “Are you?”

“No- no! Of course not. We’ve done this before. We’ve done this alone.”

“Yeah. Yeah, totally. Never under threat of our lives, before, though.”

Tony tilted his head as the bundle shifted and both of them tensed. After a moment, the blankets stopped moving and Peter blew out a sigh. “We’re overreacting,” Tony announced.

“Totally,” Peter agreed. “But Pepper’s scary.”

“She’s the scariest person I’ve ever met.”

There was a pause, and then the blanket squirmed back into life. Tony leaned down towards the crib, brushing them aside and moving the stuffed duck from where it was sitting on top of his baby’s head.

“Hey, Morgan,” Tony cooed, watching as the little girl’s face lit up, a babble rolling from her tiny mouth. “Yeah, good morning to you, too.” Tony pulled her from the crib, only a few months old with a tiny tuft of blonde hair on her head. He smiled, holding her close, before immediately frowning. “You’re a Stark,” he said with a sigh. “Stark’s should be potty trained by six weeks.”

Next to him, Peter scoffed. “Don’t place unrealistic expectations on a new born, Tony.”

Tony held out his daughter towards Peter. “Go change her.”

Peter raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “She’s your daughter.”

“She’s your sister.”

“She’s your responsibility.”

“Nope,” Tony said, popping the ‘p’. “Pepper said she’s under both of our care while she’s dying. So go change your sister’s diaper and I’ll make breakfast.”

Peter frowned, but the baby was still held out in the air between the two of them, her wide brown eyes looking at each of them with no concern. He sighed and took his sister.

“Pepper’s not dying,” Peter said, before marching off to the bathroom.

Pepper might as well have been dying, because as far as Mrs Stark was concerned, being ill at all was the sign of the plague. In the whole time Tony had known her, she’d been sick once; back when he was first parading around in a flashy red and gold suit, thinking himself the hottest of shit. She’d had a cold, and her nose all red was cute, whether Tony wanted to admit it or not.

Pepper hadn’t been ill since, because Pepper Stark does not get sick. Pepper Stark is stronger than the common cold or the flu. She is stronger than the food poisoning that Tony and Peter had come down with after some bad chicken, that she had eaten too but had decided she wasn’t going to get ill from.

So if Pepper Stark was bedridden, she was on her way to death’s doors, and even then she was still working.

“You’re supposed to be resting,” Tony said, wandering into their bedroom as Peter tried to teach a three-month old the alphabet. Both boys were pretty sure that Morgan was going to outshine them all, but Pepper was pretty sure she was a three-month old and wouldn’t get a grasp of the alphabet for a little while longer yet.

“I’ll rest when I’m dead,” Pepper replied, absent, scrolling through a StarkPad that Tony had foolishly left in her vicinity. Her skin was paler than usual, and she’d spent the entire night vomiting out her insides – which she hadn’t even done when pregnant with Morgan, no. She’d felt the pain in her stomach, announced, this foetus isn’t going to make me throw up, and so it didn’t.

“As hardcore as that sounds, you need to sleep.”

“There’s a shareholders’ meeting, a board members’ meeting and I had a phone call scheduled with Pym Tech this afternoon. I need to be at work.”

Tony rolled his eyes, settling on the edge of the bed. He placed his fingers on top of the StarkPad and pushed it down so she’d finally look at him. “And you call me a workaholic.”

“This is different,” Pepper replied. There were bags on the bags under her eyes, and Tony sent her a sympathetic smile, before brushing her fringe from her forehead. Her skin was hot to the touch, and Pepper’s eyes drifted shut at the feel of his hand pressed there.

“You always say I work so hard I forget about my health,” Tony said, quiet, though there was a hint of I’m right and you know it in his tone. “That I’m – what was it? Obsessed and losing sleep over it?”

Pepper sighed through her nose. “I’m not losing sleep.”

“You didn’t sleep at all last night. You were too busy vomiting your guts up.”

“Tony.”

“Pepper.”

There was a beat of silence where Tony moved his hand from her forehead, tucking a lose lock of hair behind her ear.

“One day,” Tony said. “That’s all this is. One day where you can rest and care about your health and let someone else run the business into the ground.” She pulled a face and he laughed. “If you don’t look after yourself right now, you’ll never have a high horse to sit on again when it comes to me and how long I spend in the lab.”

“That’s not fair and you know it.”

“Get some sleep.”

Tony pressed a kiss against her forehead before slipping the StarkPad from her grasp. He refilled her glass of water from the tap in the en suite as Pepper slipped back down into bed.

“How’s Morgan?” Pepper asked, her body betraying her with a yawn.

“She’s just fine. I’m a good dad you know. I can look after her for a day without your supervision.”

Pepper laughed, pressing her cheek into the pillow. “I know. I trust you.”

“I know you do.”

“I just like calling you periodically throughout the day anyway.”

Tony’s lips curled into a smile. “Mrs Stark, do you use our daughter as an excuse to talk to me when you should be working?”

Pepper yawned with a tired smile. “Mr Stark, why would I ever do such a thing as that?”

Tony brushed a hand through her hair as Pepper’s eyes flickered shut.

“I love you, Pep.”

“Mm. Love you too.”

When he emerged back out into the living room, Tony stopped dead still, eyes wide in disbelief. The living room and kitchen were open plan, and across them both were the feathers from inside his cushions. There was also a strange amount of webbing Spiderman used, the TV playing to itself and the flash cards Peter had been using thrown across both rooms. Peter, himself, was sitting on the ceiling, staring directly at Tony in a panic.

“Where’s Morgan?” Tony asked, voice hard.

Peter nodded to the kitchen, where she sat on the floor, surrounded by an upturned bottle of milk, leaking everywhere, what looked like cookie batter splattered against the cabinets, floor and his entire daughter’s being. She giggled, slamming her palm into the mess.

“I didn’t know you were making cookies,” Tony said, for lack of anything else to say.

“It was on a whim,” Peter replied. Then, after a few seconds: “Are you going to kill me?”

“No.” Tony’s voice was impressively measured, considering the feathers stuck to Morgan’s head and – for some reason – an entire bottle of purple food colouring staining the floor around her. “But Pepper might.”

“God,” Peter whispered. “That’s worse.”

Yes. That was much, much worse.

#pepperony #irondad spiderson #marvel #whumptober #tony stark #bethany talks

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theangry-ace · 6 years

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currently playing: Ken ga Kimi

update 5

time for our resident haraguro(?) boi, Sakyo. tbh I’m not looking forward for his route at all bc I am absolutely fucking scared of anything close to yan. my kokoro is not strong enough for them. but I do like Sakyo in the drama cds, especially the momoyo tsuzuri one. he’s like the most gentle boi with a tendency to tease Kayo or anyone else, whether or not that’s what he intended to do or not.

WARNING: THIS BOI BROKE ME PLS HELP

so our boi Sakyo has two kind of face; one, the ‘normal’, a bit formal and proper personality he showed to others. the other is the 100% enraged, I-will-kill-you-slowly-bc-I-wanna-enjoy-killing-you type of thing. he has a bit of an anger issue as well that he does exactly nothing to hide if ppl mentioned them. his purpose in life is only to exact the revenge of some oni who attacked and murdered his entire family. Sakyo mentioned in the common route that he didn’t trust (or don’t like) Enishi and Suzukake. I suppose he didn’t like ppl who didn’t seem to be dependable.

after the whole merry joyride to Sunpu, Sakyo went to some cave which was rumored to gather a heck load of oni trying to do... something? IDK. but they had already cleared the cave and was on the way to Edo. back in Edo, Kayo’s dad put up a banquet for the six samurai who had been protecting his precious baby girl but Sakyo didn’t manage to be present. he was instead busy in his pursuit for Zantetsu, one of the oni who killed entire family. but unfortunately, Sakyo walked right into a trap and was surrounded by oni and he got away with a terrible wound on his arm (I don’t remember which but he did say it’s no biggie bc he use his sword in another). it was night when Kayo saw Yanohiko, a neighboring kid, was wandering around saying he was getting some water for a wounded samurai. after Kayo realized it was Sakyo, she took him to her room and somehow managed to hide a whole person for a long time in her own fucking room without her dad even noticed!!! what the heck dad like i respect that u respect ur baby girl’s privacy but a wHOLE GROWN ASS PERSON!!! IN UR FUCKING HOUSE!!! FOR MANY DAYS!!!!

and so while living incognito in a girl’s room, Yanohiko came by as well to play with Sakyo. dude is actually not 24/7 angry or thinking about revenge. he is quite gentle with Yanohiko and taught the boy to write and play goma (spinning top?). there is one goddamn funny scene when Kayo’s dad suddenly wanna talk with her and there’s nowhere to hide Sakyo so she shoved him into her futon and get in with him with his goddamn face between her legs lol. STILL THE DAD DIDN’T FUCKING NOTICE???? welp. eventually Sakyo heard about Zantetsu going to enter the tourney that was going to take place and he took off without telling Kayo, leaving her having to lie to Yanohiko whenever the boy asked for him. she managed to find him later when he was trying to get his family’s treasured sword, Hotarumaru, to be fixed/sharpened by a famous fixer(?). he was refused, though, for obvious reason that Sakyo just wanted to kill with his sword.

Kayo shared this with Suzukake who had been supplying her with the medicine for Sakyo and my son said he, too, gonna join the tourney. so she and Suzukake went to the tourney together to see Sakyo. they heard about Zantetsu (lol Suzu called him ojisan) being a merciless opponent and got worried when later Sakyo was to fight him. Sakyo showed some... I think some kind of arrest warrant or written right for him to ask for a duel to the death, for killing his father, mother and elder sister?? or something?? but since Sakyo having his arm still injured and his sword not fixed, he lost the match terribly. Suzukake and Kayo wanna see him at the back room where he was taken but got refused bc Sakyo was ‘desecrating the holy tourney ground with his selfish need to exact his revenge’ or something. Sakyo was to be dumped into jail but Enishi came by and after some ‘talking’ (remember; he is actually some big shot in the Edo castle), he promised that he will make sure Sakyo will be taken care of and would not be in jail.

Kimi -nice end-

all thanks to strings pulled by Enishi, Sakyo is free from being jailed. he met Kayo to tell her everything about his tragic past. when he was a kid (8yo I think), he had a terrible fever and was bedridden. this coincidentally made him hidden from a murdering oni who came for the entire Sagihara family, who he explained was the descendant of those who forged the Five Heavenly Swords. I could not get why the Sagiharas were killed, but Sakyo survived thanks to his nurse maid and incidentally inherited his family’s heirloom, the Hotarumaru. from the age of 12, he strive to become a samurai and would eventually hunt every oni he could find, but because Sakyo was defeated by Zantetsu in the tourney, Sakyo didn’t feel like he is worthy of such pride of his family’s name. he left it in a cave and determined to carry on life no longer as a samurai. Kayo, after hearing all these, understands the whole dilemma the dude is in, but she told him it’s not reason enough to leave behind what was precious to the memory of his family. convinced by her words, Sakyo and Kayo made their way to the cave where he left Hotarumaru and retrieve it. when he unsheathe it then, glowing orbs of light filled the dark cave like a real firefly. Sakyo was so ashamed that he almost abandoned the sword there and from then vowed to always carry it with him as if he was carrying his family on his shoulders. Kayo later convinced the sword fixer/sharpener(?) person to fix Hotarumaru.

after getting his sword back, he told Kayo he couldn’t let Zantetsu’s sin towards his family to go free so he left her one night with a letter he told her to open if he never returned. while he went for his supposed one-on-one duel, Kayo just can’t sit still waiting for Sakyo to come back. she went to follow him but met Kei on the way of his patrol. buddy told her to stay home while he grab some of his pals to help Sakyo. those pals turned out to be the rest of them samurai who went to Sunpu the other day! thankfully for that, Sakyo was saved by an ambush planned by Zantetsu. Tsuzumi was there as well as he was threatened with Nanae’s life he didn’t cooperate. in the end, Zantetsu is finally dead and Sakyo could then rest easy the revenge he was living for has ended.

in the after story, Sakyo married Kayo with the five samurai buddies became her real bridal escort procession to Sakyo’s home country of Yamashiro.

Kimi -another nice end-

not that different than the previous ending, but Kayo was there with her naginata to help with Sakyo instead of staying home. fortunately, she arrived when Zantetsu got done dead. later there was news regarding Sakyo wanting to return back to his home country and probably will not coming back, and everyone knew about Kayo’s relationship with Sakyo. they all asked if she’s going with him, or why she’s unbothered about him going away, but baby girl really didn’t know how to react. sure, they’re lovers, but Sakyo never told her what he planned to do in the future, or whether or not that involved her at all.

Kayo held another feast for her samurai friends and also doubles as a farewell to Sakyo but the dude came late and has no idea why ppl giving him a farewell party. Kayo noticed him looking angry and restless seeing how close the other samurai dudes with her. Sakyo later couldn’t sit still anymore and pulled her to talk alone. there he told her he has no plan on going home aside from a short trip to visit his family’s grave, and that he planned to open up a free shrine school (kinda like a private but small informal school) for kids like Yanohiko who got orphaned and not privileged enough for a basic education. Sakyo and Kayo promised to marry each other soon.

Ken -too terrible what the heck end-

Kayo still tried to convince Sakyo from acting on his revenge against Zantetsu. Sakyo got annoyed and angry bc of this, that he assaulted Kayo to show how much of a terrible guy he is in actuality. he part ways with her and supposedly never to see her again, but he found himself led by a mysterious force to a cave where the whole shits of Asakura trying to reincarnate Tadanaga. there was nothing there but an ominous looking sword called the Muramasa. Sakyo took it after hearing a woman’s ghostly voice lamenting about her unborn child. he immediately thought the ghost to be his dead sister who had returned to the Sagihara family due to her getting pregnant and wanted to stay close to her parents during the whole pre-natal care.

however unknown to Sakyo, it was a malevolent evil spirit which was leading him to find Zantetsu to murder him. he got drunk with the pleasure to kill and didn’t stop at just one person. he managed to kill 10 ppl in one night at Yoshiwara alone, and he wasn’t stopping anytime soon. Kayo actually met with Sakyo before going on his murdering rampage and he told her he had thrown away his Hotarumaru in a lake bc the evil spirits in Muramasa told him to. there was no doubt that the madman who was killing people in the night was Sakyo, the man that she loved. she asked the help of her samurai friends to stop Sakyo but things got much worst when Yanohiko became his victim. the boy just wanted to show Sakyo his spinning top.

eventually they figured out about the evil sword and thought they’d better try to separate Sakyo from it or kill him entirely. they went to the lake where Kayo heard Sakyo said he dumped Hotarumaru, thinking if there’s any humanity left in him, he might want to reunited with his family’s heirloom. unfortunately, in his clouded mind, Sakyo heavily injured Kayo and she succumbed to the wound despite whatever Suzukake tried to do. Sakyo decided to kill himself in a cave with some kind of explosive.

they met in the afterlife and thought to cross the Sanzu river together to... Heaven? but the evil sword reminded Sakyo how much of a sin he had committed, and that he belongs to Hell. Kayo decided to fall to the endless abyss with Sakyo for eternity. this is a terrible ending I hate it.

Ken -just as terrible end-

Kayo managed to stop Sakyo from killing Yanohiko but the dude fled after realizing what he was trying to do. Kayo figured out that he needed to be reunited with Hotarumaru so she went to the lake where he dumped it. Sakyo was there, but he has already made up his mind that nothing he could do would ever atone his sins so he jumped into the lake. Kayo follow suit and they woke up in the afterlife. they tried to cross the Sanzu river but Sakyo stopped halfway saying there’s a lot of angry ppl on the other side, not gonna let him into Heaven. they were the innocent lives he had murdered before. Kayo, on the other hand, didn’t see the angry souls but instead heard some familiar voices calling for her. Sakyo guessed it must have been her loved ones in the living world. he told her to follow the voice and lived a happy life for his behalf. Kayo woke up again surrounded by her panicky dad and her friends. they told her she was floating by the lake, but Sakyo’s body was nowhere to be seen.

the epilogue has Kayo wanting to pay respect to Sakyo’s victim’s graves.

HOOOO BOY I SURE AS FUCK DIDN’T ENJOY THESE KEN ROUTES ONE BIT WHO THE FUCK WROTE THEM I WANT TO SUE FOR THE EMOTIONAL DAMAGES THEY DIDDDD!!! I’M BROKEN, YOU KNOW!!! THEY SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST HAVE ONE OF THEM WITH SAKYO IS ALIVE BUT HAD TO FACE HIS SINS I KNOW THAT’S NOT A BETTER END BUT AT LEAST BOI IS ALIVE AND KAYO DIDN’T HAVE TO BE SAD WHAT THE HECK THESE ARE TERRIBLE ENDINGS I HATE THEMMMMMMMMMMMM

*inhale, exhale*

well at least I like that in Sakyo’s four routes, the roles of the other samurai dudes are quite prominent. it’s nice to see the whole stupid scene with Tsuzu and Suzu arguing about the other stealing the food, Enishi teasing Saneaki that he can’t drink, also Kei the tsukkomi lol that was a nice scene.

FINALLY!!! now I get to my baby son, Suzukake!!!! I’ve actually half cleared his route before but didn’t see the ending yet. I SURE AS FLYING FUCKERY SHIT WILL NOT BE READY FOR THE ROUTE WHICH MY SON DIE!!!! probably I would skip it....

#ken ga kimi #ending spoilers #hello police pls arrest this game it made me sad

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trashexplorer · 7 years

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Kin’iro no Corda: Another Sky ft. Jinnan - Housei Route

Name: Toki Housei

CV: Ishikawa Hideo

Toki Housei. His name…Toki Housei…Housei…Ho-sé…

I’M SO SORRY. BITCH THAT PUN STAYED WITH ME UNTIL I SWITCHED TRAINS. Anyway, Toki Housei. He’s Chiaki’s right hand man/low key ship. I wonder why there’s always something going on with the captains and their vice captains except in Shiseikan ‘cause Hozumi ain’t the vice captain 😂. From what we’ve learned from Housei in the prequel, he’s the more flirty of the two and idk, to me his come ons to the girls are backed up with bad faith unlike Chiaki who’s just in it for the satisfaction of his audience lololol what am I making Housei up to be?

Going along his common route, we find out that Housei’s mom owns some sort of bakery (probs highclass since no Jinnan kid is middle class) and that her mom ran away with his dad despite her family’s opposition. I guess she had Housei young so that’s why his body is weak? Although his maternal family resented the man who ran off with their daughter, Housei has been in contact with them esp his maternal grandfather who ends up teaching him that Japanese musical instrument he later teaches Kanade.

Gem Route

Housei’s gem route is just him basically taking Kanade to all sorts of places in his car hurr hurr. And again, Housei has a license since he’s already 19 and he’s stayed a grade ‘cause of his weak body.

I mean, yeah, who am I to judge people with physical disabilities but, yo boi has some significant muscle on him despite the fact that he’s practically dying in his true route 😂. And that’s about it for his gem route. They do talk about how odd Housei finds Kanade’s drive to pursue her career with the violin but it is never really expanded until the true route.

True Route

HE’S DYING OH MY GOD.

I mean, we’ve already had a glimpse of Housei’s poor health in the prequel but it was only in his true route that we finally grasp the extent of his sickness. Housei disappears twice? I think during the last round of the competitions ‘cause his health worsens. Kanade being the nosy girl she is, of course, comes to his aid and even stays over to watch over him sleep that one time when his sickness drove him to be bedridden. Yo, I’m glad the worry is mutual between Housei in Chiaki ‘cause Chiaki has a prominent presence in his route and vice versa unlike one-sided Daichi 😂. Now that is the real buchou-fukubuchou/bff relationship.

It was never really revealed what Housei’s sickness was tho, just that he has a weak body. And that is basically the reason why he tries not to get into the violin so much ‘cause he knows he’s gonna die anyway. Bruh. Stop. This isn’t how otoge is supposed to be. Damn, this game is so #woke. So on his death bed, after becoming so close to Kanade, he says that it was the first time he felt so afraid of dying ‘cause he didn’t want to leave her. ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

In the true finals, Housei does the encore which shocks everyone and Chiaki ends it by saying how it wasn’t like him. Yo boy has made up his mind to live his life to the fullest. why the fuck is this getting to me like

Afterthoughts

Yeah, I liked Housei’s route not just because I’m Jinnan trash. He also has some of my fave cgs so there’s that - a lot of his are pretty. I really liked Housei’s character in the prequel and I’m glad that he didn’t let me down in his routes. He’s actually the only character in the series that is quite similar to his voice actor’s character in the first games which is Kanayan. Long hair, flirtatious, has inner pain - yup, definitely Kanayan’s relative 😂.

#otome game review #kiniro no corda 3 #kiniro no corda #toki housei #another sky ft jinnan

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ownedby5cats · 7 years

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Tagged by @lixana

Rules: Always post the rules. Answer the questions asked, then write 11 new ones. Tag 11 people to answer your questions, as well as the person who tagged you.

If you could live in any fictional world, which would it be and what would be your role in it? I suppose I will go with the obvious choice of FFVIII...and as much as I wanna say I would live in Esthar, I think I’d get nauseous every time I had to ride the lifts XD I would likely live somewhere in Galbadia (Winhill? Just so I could cry?) or Trabia, as I friggin love the snow. And I would still be an artist, maybe drawing the monsters and scenery? IDK.

Do you have a favorite flower/plant? Which one? I’m not super big on flowers, though I love nature a lot. And even if I had a favorite I likely wouldn’t know the name, lol. I just love nature in general...so all flowers/plants?

If you could go to a concert of your choice, which artist would you want to see? Well I’ve actually been to a lot of concerts, and all of them were Classic Rock. Of those, the top one that I would like to see one day is probably Eric Clapton. Otherwise, I would so love to go to a Final Fantasy concert with Nobuo Uematsu!

What’s your favorite movie from your childhood? Tons. I guess I’ll go with my earliest favorite, or at least the earliest I remember. And that’s 101 Dalmations! I was huge on any and all animal movies growing up...still am tbh.

Do you have a favorite Disney character? Why is he/she your favorite? Argh, I gotta pick one?! I-I’m not sure I can actually...there are so many! Can I get back to you on this? XD

Do you have a bucket list? Not really? Not a specific one anyway, I mean there are a few things I would like to do in my life eventually but I never actually listed them or anything. Off the top of my head: visit Alaska and see the northern lights, come face to face with some of the big cats...i.e. lions and tigers and snow leopards. There’s more I’m sure but that’s what I can think of right now, lol.

What’s your favorite piece of any movie or video game soundtrack? I’m just gonna say the entirety of the FFVIII soundtrack. Like I love every song on it, and can hardly pick favorites. I mean ‘Man With the Machine Gun’ always deserves it’s own mention cause...Laguna, and I love ‘Liberi Fatali’ and ‘Fisherman’s Horizon’ and well, all of them! And ‘Eyes on Me’ of course gets it’s own mention, especially considering how often it’s made me bawl my eyes out.

Something you want to do this year? Start actually selling at local fairs with my art, I did one last year but it was so last minute that I didn’t really have anything to actually well...sell. Hopefully I can get some original prints ready and actually do things this year with my art!

Tell me about your favorite OTP! Why do you like them? LAGUNA AND RAINE. Always them, they will forever be my top. And as for why? I mean, holy shit. It’s just everything about them. You can see in the cutscene where he proposes and they hug...the looks on their faces and their body language...they are home. They are each other’s home. And their whole story is so goddamned sad. Like the timeline when Laguna was with her is a bit iffy but at max they can’t have had more than 2-3 years together, and 6 months of that includes Laguna’s bedridden recovery in the beginning, not to mention it was still months after that that they even became a couple. And because of fate, and his responsibilities in Esthar (that he didn’t even ask for btw!) Laguna couldn’t even be by her side when she died. And because Winhill was full of assholes that somehow hated this cinnamon roll of a man, they never even told him he had a son! It’s like, even before Raine...look at what happened with Julia, he only had one night with her before fate decided to screw with him. It’s like he is destined to have the worst luck with love and relationships and family. And it sucks because that’s all he ever really wanted, and fate never let him keep it. Every time he found happiness it was ripped away, and yet...he still smiles.

Do you have any OCs? If yes, tell us about one of them! Yes I do, though I never really did much with them, or the stories surrounding them. I guess I can do a brief overview of the very first one I came up with...waaaay back in 2007/8 when I was seventeen, lol. Back then I was obsessed with all things Japanese and so at the start his name was Keiji. An ice demon who grew up on his own and hated by his clan after his mother had an affair with a human and was banished (and the human killed btw) I recently changed his name to Reikan (which may be changed again one day, who knows). He has pale blue hair and silver eyes and basically never wears a shirt, pfffft. Hey he’s an ice demon, not like he ever gets cold right?

Tea or coffee? COFFEE! Seriously, I’ve been known to drink a whole pot in one day before. I have two mugs I use, one which, despite being small...well small for me, I use every day because it’s an FFVIII mug. And one that is like HUGE, that I use for when I really need a caffeine fix. Oh, and guess what I’m drinking right at this moment, lol.

Yeah, way too lazy to come up with new questions and to tag...sorry? (Not to mention I did this like 3/4 times on my RP blogs awhile back...lol)

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kahayaya · 5 years

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2/24/2020

Out here in Privette on USF. P sure no one knows where tf that is, but iykyk.

Anyways I’m listening to EDM songs and its currently playing Hard to say Goodbye by Ekali. I seem to always stick to one genre every season. Last semester, it was all about the K-Pop, last summer it was all about J-Pop, specifically Aqours. I don’t really understand why I like listening to these types of music. I guess its one of those things that click with me at a perfect time in my life. I really don’t listen to the lyrics, when I probably should be listening to them. I mainly listen to beats. But anyway, the song I’m listening to makes me feel some type of way. I feel sad but also happy? The song is p much about what the title describes. I’m fine with how it is, but its hard to say goodbye because it ended off on good terms. This reminds me of Eren, cuz it did end off on good terms. And it was Hard to Say Goodbye. I stuck around for a while. But when it started to affect me, that was the line. To say officially goodbye. I’m not sad, but happy because it was the mark of a new path to take. So IDK, maybe I am listening to the song’s lyrics but some other songs don’t click with me, which makes me think I like a song that goes with a electronicy feel accompanied by lyrics. GOD DAM this sun is blazing and its a nice feeling cuz it was cold this morning. SOrry brain trailing into its own thoughts.

I guess I can write down my thoughts on my current family situation.

Lets start off with my parents. I think they are doing fine, but they are not at the same time. They are constantly taking care of my sister, who to simply put, a brain bleed from the drugs she used. My parents are constantly busy and stressed. It's sad because I always think of the conversation with my mom saying this is the life she did not want. She wanted to be at peace and for her children to continue with themselves. But nope, my sister is essentially handicapped and my brother is just barely living. I feel really bad, which puts immense pressure on me to succeed. But sometimes I also feel that my parents want me back at home. They want comfort from me, who is doing exactly what they wanted me to do, which is successful, while my brother and sister are not what they envisioned. My parents will show their unconditional love no matter what, but I’d say I'm the favorite among them. As for me, I feel distant from my parents. Short story for maybe another post, but with my parents, there is always the same argument being brought up, with conflicting on my mom or dad wants to run things. And because of that, sometimes that gets taken out on me. Then after the argument, it is like nothing happened and we continue. The cycle keeps on happening and I get annoyed, which is why I feel like I'm distancing myself, alongside the fact that I am becoming more independent with my life in SF. I feel bad, but at the same time its nice not having to face with that. I feel bad because they made sacrifices that got me here, which is something I will never forget and pay back. I’ll make an attempt to give them a call each week, cuz they are after all my parents. I think in another post, I’ll go into more detail of what my mother and father are like. But they are an interesting duo.

Now moving on to my other two siblings. First off my brother. I defs looked up to him when I was small. I thought he was cool and I was going to be him when I get to that point of stage in life. When I was young, I use to play beer pong with his friends in the garage of our house. I didn’t drink alcohol, but I’d do it with a soda or water. That was really fun. The parties were fun and most of his friends were cool with me playing. That was fun. I think my brother and I had a cool relationship. I didn’t really open up to him though, in a sense I didn’t tell him the details of school or the ones I liked. It was a weird way to describe what happened but I felt like a brother but I didn’t connect like a brother. And I feel about him the same how I feel today. My brother has def changed since going to college and when he worked as a nurse. My brother is now shut in his house working for like GrubHub or something who delivers food. My brother never tells me anything going on his life. All news comes from my parents. I never ask my brother often to hangout, despite the fact that we literally live next to each other by a 25 minute walk. I’m not too sure how I feel, but I know that we are not really connected with each other. My brother is currently trying to apply as a case manager for hospitals, but I heard he got rejected due to no experience in that specific position. So I hope he find a job and gets back on his feet. I also forgot to mention he is in debt, that my mom tells me that debt collectors are coming to him. IDK how he got there, but he was not money managing. Which he also took advantage of my parents when he was helped with in college. He said he needed money for college and his loan, but he’d be spending it on vacations and his ex girlfriend. My brother went through three relationships, all of whom I did not even connect with. My brother was suppose to get married, but it got canceled. I think that event really changed my brother and really turned him down. He never brings up anything about it, but its only up to him if he wants to talk about it. There’s soooo much more to talk about my brother, but all in all as of right now, he is in a tough position and he’s bottled up his feeling at Haight Ashbury.

Now for my sister. My sister is defs one I was more closer with, but at the same time not. ITs the same situation with my brother, but only last year did I start telling her more personel stuff. As a child, my sister was the one who was rebellious and always fought with my parents. At the time I was lost and confused on wtf is going on. She had cuts and scars on her wrist. She had depression. I was somewhat grasping the idea of what that was back then, but its more clear now why she did things. but my sister was crazy, again she had three relationships she went through. Her first ex was a homeless person, idk how they met, but he would live in our house. Honestly, he was a cool dude. He was the one who got me into gaming. Due to some complications with the relationship, they broke up. This person though got back on their feet and is doing alright now, which im happy for him. The next boyfriend rolls and he was a fucking crazy dude. This second boyfriend literally was a druggy and would smoke a lot. I remember my sister and him would play video games a lot and I would occasianlly join them in the MMORPG called Aika. But this ex was a bad person. He would literally steal my parent's meds, which were very addictive meds. We’re talking Vicodin and morphine kinds of meds, which my parents needed for their surgeries. But he would steal them and Im p sure my sister and them took drugs. FYI, my whole family was on pain meds due to accidents they actually had and spine injuries that happened. This person was crazy and not really respectful. I remember I was sleeping in my bed, and I saw my sister and him having sex. My room is connected to a balcony and as well as my sister’s room. That stuff was a bit weird to see, and at the time I was like 11 years old? Things happened where my parents kicked out this dude out of our house and things broke off cuz it was a lot. My sister threating to cut her self cuz of the fighting. It was crazy and chaotic. Years roll on by and Im in high school and my sister recent ex. This dude was quiet. Asian dude and also liked to play video games. This dude would never talk to me, it was weird. This relationship ended quickly due to him cheating on my sister. The dude was also a pedo too, he was dating a highschooler, who was not 18 and this dude is like 25 yrs old. WTF. but yea i think this post turned into a relationship analysis. I learned a lot from those relationships and I took into account when I was going into one. But its a different dimension out there in the world of relationships. And because of the relationships my sister and brother had, it really defined them and somewhat destroyed them. My sister turnt to drugs, especially Esctaty and was a raver herself. Which is why she is in the position where she is in now. Handicapped and bedridden as of right now. I don’t know the outlook on how much she can do now, but shes having it rough. I truly feel sad for her, but at the same time, she created this timeline. But my sister and I i felt like getting a bit closer to her recently, but then distance ourselves again. IDK my family situation is weird, and IDK how to describe it. Maybe if i layout the events, someone can describe my relationship with my familiy. But one thing is for sure, and that we all love each other, when we do call for something, my family will do its best to do it. But the friends I built here in SF felt more connection with me and resonates with me. More than I had with my family. Esp Alex, where I yearned for in a friendship. I’m about to start work in 3 minutes, so I’ll write later on random thoughts or something comes up. IDK. Peace out strangers on the web.

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