#and I’d never ever cheat but I know I’m tiptoeing on emotional cheating

[helenabymcr]

rant post in the tags again sorry my captive empty audience

[riordanness]

gorgeous - [r.cameron]

requested: no

warnings: rafe cameron 😩

wordcount: 1K

I was in a fit of uncontrollable giggles, sitting side by side with Sarah on the bedroom floor, our backs against her bed.

“Okay,” I gasped, struggling to breathe as I pushed myself up to be sitting properly. “We really have to go to bed now.”

Sarah took a deep breath, brushing her long blonde hair out of her face and behind her ear. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” She glanced at the glowing alarm clock beside her bed. “It’s getting late, and we have school in the morning.”

I nodded, and we both climbed into her queen sized bed, snuggling together under the covers. We both lay on our sides, face to face.

“Tell me a secret,” I whispered.

“I’m in love with John B,” she whispered back, with zero hesitation.

I raised my eyebrows. “For real?”

Sarah nodded. “Why would I lie about that?”

I was impressed. “Damn, girl, cheating on Topper, hey?” Not that I blamed her for falling for someone like John Booker Routledge while Topper was her boyfriend. Topper was a controlling asshole, with no sense of excitement or adventure at all.

Sarah looked upset at my words, and I immediately felt awful. People at school have been calling Sarah a cheater for years, based on assumptions made up due to getting with new boys ‘too quickly’ after a break up.

“I’m sorry,” I said, and my best friend gave me a little smile. “It’s okay. You’re not exactly wrong, you know. I just haven’t told Topper anything yet. But I will. Really soon, I promise.” She sounds like she’s promising herself more than me.

“I believe you,” I said earnestly.

Sarah apparently decided the conversation was getting too emotional for a sleepover night, and nudged me playfully. “What about you,” she asked. “Any boys?”

I rolled my eyes. “Of course not. You know boys never look at me. You’re the one they look at.”

“Y/n, you’re gorgeous, you know that right?”

I made a face. “Yeah… no. I’m not even kind of, especially compared to you, Sar.” It was true. Sarah Cameron was probably the most breathtaking person I’d ever seen in my life, and I wasn’t just saying that because she’s my best friend. She was unbelievably pretty.

“Whatever. You’re just lying to yourself.”

“Goodnight, Sarah.” I told her, not wanting to dwell on my pathetically sad love life any longer. “See you in the morning.”

Sarah rolled over, and within a few minutes was asleep, her breathing evening out, slow and deep. I, however, couldn’t follow her example, tossing and turning for what seemed like hours.

Finally, I give up and crawl out of the bed, leaving the room quietly. Maybe a glass of water would help me sleep. I try to tiptoe, my bare feet making little noise on the vinyl flooring. I was worried about waking up Sarah’s family members, but then I relaxed, moving almost silently downstairs.

I reached the kitchen door, and stopped in my tracks, standing frozen in the doorway. Rafe Cameron is standing at the stovetop, shirtless, in grey sweats. At first, I had no idea what to do. Do I silently back away? Do I try to act normal as I grab my water and leave?

I ended up not having to make a decision, as Rafe turned around, a wooden spoon in hand, spotting me instantly. He looked as shocked as I felt.

“Y/n?”

His voice is soft, and slightly hoarse, probably due to the late hour. That logic doesn’t stop me from immediately getting flustered, though, my eyes wandering down to his bare chest, his abs…

“Y/n?” he asked again, and my gaze snapped up to meet his. He had the hint of a smirk playing at his lips, and I know he caught me blatantly checking him out just then.

“What?”

“I asked what you’re doing in my kitchen at nearly two am?” he repeated slowly, his eyes never leaving mine.

For some reason, I can’t seem to find an answer. “I, uh, well, I-”

Rafe laughed, a sound I had never heard before. It was a pretty sound, comforting, somehow. I liked it. I liked the way his nose crinkled a little when he laughed, and how his blue eyes lit up.

Damn, listen to me. I sounded ridiculous.

“Do you need something?” Rafe asked, his teasing tone and accompanied smirk suggesting things I did not want to get caught thinking about.

“I- uh, water,” I replied dumbly, pointing at the sink. That was lame, I realised right after. I’m pretty sure Rafe knows where water comes from, especially in his own house.

Rafe turned, and pulled a glass from the cupboard behind him, and I cannot stop my eyes from wandering this time. I quickly squeeze them shut, ignoring the way my body is aflame right now, every sense on high alert.

“Y/n.” My name, on his tongue, is hushed and gentle, and very close. I open my eyes. Rafe stood right beside me, offering me the glass of water. I take it, and drink, my eyes on him.

He watched me as I finished the water, and placed it on the bench beside me. “Thank you,” I said, the tension in the air between us practically sparking.

Rafe suddenly stepped forwards, closing the space between us. His body is pressed against mine, his knee in between my legs, and every part of my body that is touching him is on fire. He lowered his mouth to my ear, whispering in a hushed tone. “You are very welcome, y/n.”

And then he is gone, leaving me alone.

taglist: @drewstarkeysbae <33

[obeymeoasis]

Demon Bros React: MC Gifts Them a Handmade Bracelet

Lucifer

“Luci, I made you something for fun but I’m not sure whether you’ll like it or not.”

He looked up from the stack of papers on his desk he was trying to get through. “As long as it’s not another bill like the one Mammon just racked up, I’m sure I’ll like whatever it is. Especially if it’s something you made.”

Blushing, you got up from your chair and quickly slipped the item onto Lucifer’s wrist.

He looked down to see a bracelet made out of elastic and chunky plastic beads. Among the red and black ones, the words “My Light” were spelled out.

“That’s just the way I feel about you sometimes. Whenever it seems like there’s nothing but darkness around me, you’re always there to guide me toward the light, toward better and happier times. You’ve saved me so many times.”

You looked at the bracelet on his wrist and suddenly felt self-conscious at how cheap it looked against the elegance of his RAD uniform. Lucifer seemed to be frozen in shock as well; he sat at his desk silent and unmoving.

“If...If you want I can take it back! Sorry, I just thought-”

Your sentence was interrupted by the full force of Lucifer crushing you into a hug. He tucked your head underneath his chin and he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

“I love it. I love you. You make my every day brighter by being with me. I can’t express how much I care-” He cut himself off, feeling his throat tighten with sudden emotion.

You hugged him back just as tightly. “Love you always, my light.”

Mammon

You were cuddling together on the couch, watching a movie. Mammon had his arms around you, one hand holding yours and the other tracing patterns on your thigh.

With your free hand you reached into your pocket to pull out the bracelet you had made earlier in the day. Bright yellow smiley face beads surrounded the word "Priceless".

"What's that babe?"

"I made it for you! Sorry it's not super fancy or anything. But I saw these beads today at the craft store and they reminded me of you. You make me smile all the time because you're such a goober."

Mammon grinned and acted mock-offended. "Hey! Is that any way to treat your first man?"

You continued, "And also, you're priceless to me Mammon. You know that right? I wouldn't trade you for anything. Not even all the Grimm in the world. You make me feel so happy and loved."

You heard Mammon's sudden intake of breath. "Y-You really have no problem saying such embarrassing things, huh." His ears and cheeks were bright red.

You thought that was the end of the conversation but a few minutes later you heard Mammon whispering into your hair. "My treasure, I love ya so much. What did I ever do to deserve ya."

"You deserve to be happy Mammon, you deserve all the good in the world. Don’t let anyone ever tell you differently. I love you."

Leviathan

You were in his room, him playing a game and you putting the finishing touches on the bracelet you were making. Shiny blue beads with wave patterns on them surrounded the words “My Rock”. 

Quietly, so you wouldn’t interrupt his game, you placed the finished bracelet on his desk and moved to sit back down in your chair. Suddenly, his arm shot out to grab your wrist. He had paused his game and slid his headset slightly aside to ask: “MC, what is this?”

“Oh, I finished making this for you. Y-You don’t have to wear it if you don’t like it! But... I just wanted to give you a small present.”

Hand still holding your wrist, Levi wordlessly picked up the bracelet and examined it in the light. 

“Um... you know how my favorite animal is the otter? Well otters sometimes have a favorite rock that they keep in their pocket. And you’re my favorite, you know? Also you’re my rock because you keep me grounded a lot. Like when I get all anxious and stressed out you help calm me down. Whether it’s just cuddling or playing a game together, being with you is so peaceful.”

As you continued to ramble nervously, Levi’s cheeks began to grow redder and redder. “You really made this for me? This isn’t like a pity gift is it? Are you sure you want to give this to a-an otaku like me?”

You sighed and moved to wrap your arms around his neck. “Levi, you know I would never gift you something because I ‘pity you’. And also, I don’t understand what being an otaku has to do with anything. I’m giving you this because I love you, all parts of you.”

Levi looked at the bracelet for a moment longer before quickly slipping it onto his wrist. “I-I really like it. Thanks, MC.” He seemed to be gathering up his courage for something and letting out a deep breath he turned around to give you a quick kiss.

“S-Sorry! Sorry, I just... I’ve never received anything like this. I like you a lot, you know?”

You returned his kiss with one of your own. “I know.”

Satan

You had finished a light lunch together and now were browsing Satan’s favorite bookstore. He was looking at the history section while you were pretending to look at the bookmarks, gathering up your courage to give him his gift.

You were worried a bit that he wouldn’t like it. The bracelet itself was made out of inexpensive materials, emerald color beads and beads that spelled out “Beloved”. It didn’t seem like the type of thing Satan would wear.

He interrupted your thoughts with a tap on your shoulder. “Everything okay, MC?”

“Yeah, I was just...” With a sigh you held out the bracelet to him, there was really no point in stalling. “I made this for you. I understand if it’s not really your thing but just know the message is genuine.”

He pinched the bracelet between two fingers and began to examine it. "Beloved, huh?” His lips were quirked in a smug smile.

“Don’t tease me. But y-yeah, you’re my beloved. I never thought I’d meet someone like you here, you know? You feel like you fit right against my heart, like you’re my soulmate. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

All of the amusement was wiped off of Satan’s face and his eyes seemed to burn into you, the way he was staring at you. He deliberately rolled up the cuff of his RAD uniform slowly and made sure you were watching as he put on the bracelet, turning it this way and that to examine it. 

“It’s a good thing you don’t have to think about that, pet. Because trust me when I say that I’m never going to leave you. You’re stuck with me forever.”

With a wet laugh you rushed to hug him, burying your face into his chest. “That doesn’t sound bad to me at all.”

Asmodeus

You were in Asmo’s room, helping him paint his nails. His left hand was already finished and you watched him blow on the nails, trying to dry them. He held out his other hand for you and you pretended to fiddle with the nail polish before quickly slipping on the bracelet you had made for him earlier.

“MC, what is this?” Asmo looked at the bracelet, soft pink heart-shaped crystals surrounded beads that spelled out “Jewel Of My Heart”.

“Well, I know it’s nothing much compared to the jewelry you already have” you said, nodding toward Asmo’s vanity which held a variety of sparkling necklaces and earrings. “But I wanted to give you something handmade.”

“Oh, it’s so cute darling! I love it!” Asmo pulled out his cellphone and started trying to take pictures of his wrist from different angles. “Can you help me, MC? My nails are still a bit wet and I don’t want to ruin them. But I also want to post a picture to Devilgram immediately!”

You chuckled and took Asmo’s phone from him, trying to move his wrist to get it in frame. 

“I know you’re not the Jewel of the Heavens anymore. But I think of you as the jewel to my heart. You’re beautiful, Asmo. Not just the way you look but the way you’re able to find beauty in everything. Even in me, no matter how terrible I feel sometimes.”

Asmo had gone silent and you looked up to see him biting his lips, his eyes widened. “MC, that’s cheating. You can’t say things like that when I can’t even give you a proper hug right now. Ugh, you’re too adorable.”

Smiling, you held up his hand and pressed a gentle kiss against it. Asmo inhaled sharply.

“Darling, I think we can finish the other hand at a later time. Right now, there are other pressing matters I’d like to get to.” Asmo’s eyes had turned lustful and he quickly scooped you up and led you toward his bed.

Beelzebub

You were in the kitchen together, Beel helping you test a new pie recipe. Well, he was doing more eating than testing, letting out small whines until you gave in and fed him spoonfuls of fruit filling. 

It was warm and peaceful, the smell of sugar and vanilla in the air as you mixed a pot on the stove and Beel leaned against the countertop.

“Oh Beel, before I forget.” You reached into your pocket and pulled out a bracelet made up of small orange beads and plastic teddy bear-shaped beads. In the middle were the words “My Strength”.

You helped him slide it on his wrist and smiled at his confused look. “I made this for you today. I saw these beads and thought instantly of you, ‘cause I always call you my giant teddy bear.” For emphasis you gave him a hug and laughed at how small you felt in his arms.

“And also, I think of you as my strength. You’re super strong, yeah, but not just physically. You’ve always been there for me, whenever I felt down or scared or sad. You give me strength when I need it most. And I hope that I can lend you some of my strength too for whenever you need it.”

As Beel looked down at the bracelet, a slow smile spread across his face. “You’re cute, MC. Thank you for the gift. And you make me stronger every day by just being with me. I hope we can be together forever.”

You reached up on your tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek and he returned it with a sudden passionate one on your lips.

The two of you stood kissing for a few moments longer until you broke away from him, smelling burning sugar. “Oh god, the filling is burning! Quick, turn off the stove!”

Beel looked into the pot, which had turned from a deep red cherry color to almost black, and shrugged. “Eh, I’ll still eat it.”

Belphegor

You don’t know how long you had been napping for, but you woke up and rubbed the sleep from your eyes. You were warm and comfortable, one of Belphie’s legs wrapped around your own and his arm across your stomach. 

Looking down at his wrist you realized it was the perfect opportunity and slipped the bracelet out from your pajama pocket. The square lilac-colored beads looked cute against his wrist and you made sure the words “My Comfort” were facing the right way up so that Belphie would spot them when he woke up. 

You thought it would have been easy to give him his gift undetected, considering how much of a deep-sleeper he was, but at your movement Belphie scrunched up his nose and slowly opened his eyes.

“MC?” His voice was bleary from sleep. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing babe, go back to sleep.” He nodded and turned to face the other way but must have felt the beads pressing into his wrist. Confused he lifted his arm up and squinted at the bracelet. “What is this?”

You sighed, a bit nervous at how he would react. “I made it for you. It’s nothing fancy but I’ve been wanting to give you something for a while now. Something to remind you of me.”

He ran his fingers along the beads and mouthed the words “My Comfort”.

“That’s what you are to me. Comfort. When the world is too loud and my thoughts are too jumbled, you help make things quiet. You’re like a warm blanket that can muffle out the bad and the scary. I just hope that you’re as comfortable with me as I am with you.”

He remained silent for a while, rolling one of the beads between his fingers. Finally, he moved to bring your wrist to his mouth and pressed a light kiss on the inside of your wrist and then the center of your palm.

“I never thought I would get to have this, you know. A kind of love like this.” He rolled over so that you were face to face and tucked a lock of your hair behind your ear. “Don’t ever leave me, okay?”

[storiesbyjes2g]

My new job cluttered my mind, and I didn't like it. Is this what being employed feels like? Or does my job just suck? I have no other experiences to compare it to, so I hope it's just my job. I'd been wanting to visit Lucy ever since Luca's party, but I just didn't have the emotional energy. She's been so good to me. I wanted to be good to her, too. But the week got away from me, and I had to do it before Harvestfest or I'd have to wait almost a week to see her. So, one night, I got myself together and made my way over to Brindleton Bay. It was kinda weird being back there again. Everywhere I looked was like a screen playing scenes of a former life. But overall, it was good to be back.

Although it's common courtesy to call before you come, I wanted to surprise Lucy. When she saw it was me at the door, her eyes lit up like Winterfest, and I was proud to make good on my promise, finally. Duane was home, so she took me to their bedroom to talk, since it was too chilly and damp to sit outside. Their house is small, so the bedroom was the best logical place to go. Still, a part of me grew nervous about whatever news she would share. But before we got to all that, I quickly glossed over my promotion and told her I was thinking about getting another dog. She was very happy to hear about both pieces of news and said a dog would be good for me.

After a bit of small talk, I got down to business but started off slowly. I told her she looked upset at Luca's party and asked if everything was ok.

She turned away from me, rolling her eyes and sighing heavily. "You saw that girl with us?"

Yes! She's going all the way in. I was trying to be respectful and tiptoe around it, but Lucy was ready.

"Yeah. Who was that?"

She let my question hang in the air for a few moments, priming me for whatever bomb she was about to drop. "Duane's daughter."

"I'm sorry...what??"

I thought Duane was the good brother, but now it seems those Clemons boys are all the same! Lying, cheating cowplant turds who woohoos with everyone who is willing, not caring about who they hurt!!

"Before you ask," she said, "He didn't cheat on me."

I released the breath I didn't know I held. "Well, that's a relief. I always thought he and Devonte were different."

"Yeah, I got the better brother. He and his friends went to Mt. Komorebi after graduation, and he met this girl there. They had a little fling or whatever, he went home, and they never saw each other again."

I gasped. "So, the child is grown?"

"Mmm hmm. She and her high school sweetheart just got married. Since Duane and the girl didn't know each other or exchange information, Breanne...his daughter...she grew up not knowing who her father was. So when she graduated, she searched for him."

I gasped a second time. "Wait! So Duane didn't know he had a child?"

She shook her head. "She just showed up one day and rocked both of our worlds."

The picture became clearer as the details unfolded, and I treaded lightly. "So...how do you feel about all this?"

She took her time, as I expected she would, being reserved and all. "I have very complicated feelings. On one hand, I'm mad as plum and feel like they robbed me. You know how much I've wanted to have a child. I already have to deal with my resentment toward him for taking that away from me, saying he wasn't ready and now thinking we're too old. But this whole time, he HAD a child! I know he didn't know it, but I still feel a way about it! She could have been mine! Yeah, I would have been in high school then, but you know what I mean. All this time I've been trying to convince him to start a family, and now HE has a child and I don't!"

I didn't know how to respond to that. It's a REALLY plummy situation! You can't really blame any one person, but someone still got hurt. I don't know how to help my friend, but I'll do what she did for me and make myself available for whatever she needs.

Lucy was on the verge of tears, but she took several deep breaths and continued. "I feel robbed. But I have an opportunity here. It's not the situation I wanted, but it's something. She has a mother, so I know she's not seeking that kind of relationship from me. But she's my husband's child. I'm trying really hard to open myself and embrace her, but it's so hard, Emmy."

"I don't doubt that it is," I said. "But I don't think anyone is expecting you to do that! Everyone in this situation has their own set of feelings they're struggling with because this is all so new. If she's expecting you two to be ok and accept her immediately, she needs her head examined! That's one lesson I had to keep learning over and over again during the divorce. It's ok to sit with our feelings! We should sit with them because swallowing them over and over will only make us sick. And when we can't swallow anymore, it's all gonna come out, and it's gonna be bad. Take whatever time you need and be honest with them about how you feel."

She smiled, so I guess I validated her feelings. But guilt crept up inside of me. That advice I gave came from experience, but there was still one thing I continue to swallow, and I feel like I may be getting to the point where I won't be able to swallow it anymore. And when it comes up, it's going to be an unintelligible mess. I can't keep running from Dwayne and these unidentified feelings. After my kids leave this weekend, I'm going to have a long chat with myself. It's time.

[itjazzbicch]

Collaboration of Emotions

Pairing:  Damian Priest x Fem Reader

Summary: When Bad Bunny tries flirting with the reader, she politely turns him down because little does anyone know, the guy who has her heart is her years-long friend, Damian Priest and when Damian sees the flirting for himself, he shows that he feels the same way about the reader...

Warnings:  SMUT!! !(18+!!)

Requested by:  No one But I hope you all enjoy!

Word Count:  2990

Tag List: @demonqueen29​ @jessiebean00 @new-zealand-chic @crowleysqueenofhell @justamess44​ @thatpanpal @hungmanhorsecarriage @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch  @linziland13 @yungbludjazz360  

I DO NOT OWN THIS GIF

2021 was a new year, with a lot of changes and unlike last year, these changes were for the better. On Raw, I was getting myself into the women's championship picture again. There was so much action and some new faces.

Showing favoritism really isn't my thing, but when it came to a special someone that was now on Raw, it couldn't be helped.

Damian Priest and I, well, we weren't dating but we spent a lot of time together while I was in NXT, and with every given day, we grew closer and closer, ready to hit it off, but then I got moved up to Raw. Things really didn't change much after that and then he came up to Raw after the Royal Rumble.

That made me beyond excited and I loved cheering him on while he made his main roster debut and poking fun with everyone alongside his friend, Bad Bunny.

All of us were on a roll with the new year and WrestleMania right ahead of us and I was making the best of it.

On Raw, I was backstage, actually waiting for Damian because he had a match coming up and I was just super pumped, there to support him as we've always done for one another and while waiting for Damian, I had a special guest.

"Y/N!" Bad Bunny smiled as he exited Damian's locker room, seeing me sitting on one of the crates in the hall.

"Hey!" I smiled, being kind as he came my way, offering a hug, "How's it going, champ?"

Bunny appreciated my comment, smiling at the 24/7 Championship that was on his shoulder, "I couldn't be better."

"That's great to hear," I smirked, "I'm happy for you. You've been doing amazing around here and you're keeping up with the music business still. I don't know how you do it! It was a little over-bearing for me!"

Bad Bunny and I actually had a friendship that was more business-related because before I became a pro wrestler, I was a professional singer and songwriter, still writing songs actually.

"You just gotta make the best of both," Bunny sighed, "You got the skills. We should do a collaboration one day!"

"I'm down!" I smirked, actually excited by the thought, with both of us being big in the music industry and wrestling, it would be such a smart move, "I always loved your music. Some of them I know to word for word."

"¿Tú hablas español?" Bunny smirked, a bit surprised that I knew Spanish, wanting to hear me speak it.

"Sé más española de lo que piensas" I smiled, blowing his mind a little, letting him know that I knew more Spanish than he thought I did.

"Si no fueras lo suficientemente irresistible, preciosa, " Bunny cooed, really trying to be sexy by the tone of his voice and that really caught me off guard, telling me I'm irresistible and calling me gorgeous.

If that wasn't enough to make things feel awkward, things got a lot worse as I saw Damian slowly coming out of his locker room, not making a sound, but the look on his face said it all.

"If you're down, tonight after I go out there with Damian," Bunny sighed, tilting his sunglasses, really trying to persuade me, "I have a place down here, you can come over and we can collaborate. Sound good to you, hermosa?"

Quickly, I looked at Damian and felt guilt, instantly. I never liked Bunny in that way and even though I wasn't dating Damian, my feelings for him were just so strong that I felt like I was cheating or something in a way.

"I'm sorry," I sighed nervously, "But as soon as I'm done with the show, I have two hours then I have to catch a flight."

"Traveling," Bunny sighed, rolling his eyes, "Gotta love it."

"Honestly," I chuckled nervously, continuously looking to Damian; I think I was sweating too from the nervousness.

Thankfully, all of that ended as Bunny backed away, a little startled from Damian's presence. He was so quiet that he didn't realize he was there. I wanted to laugh, but the nervousness wouldn't allow me to whenever Bunny jumped, seeing Damian just standing there.

"I didn't even see you there, man," Bunny sighed, shaking off the scare, "You ready?"

"Always," Damian almost let out in a growl, looking at him, then to me.

"Dale," Bunny sighed, then smiling to me, "Bye, Y/N!"

"Bye," I sighed deeply, my anxiety through the roof, especially when I heard Bunny ask Damian:

"Estas bien, Damian?"

"No te preocupe por eso," Damian groaned, telling him not to worry about it, their voices fading as they went on their way.

Damian was not okay. I've seen the look that he gave the both of us before and it wasn't a good one. The one time I guy around here flirts with me and it had to be Bad Bunny and right in front of Damian, of all people.

If the facial expressions weren't enough to show his anger, Damian's moves in the ring sure showed it and his opponent, Elias; Well, it wasn't a good day for him, that's all I could really say. From the moment Damian walked out to the ring, to the time he pinned Elias and exited, anger was steaming off of him. At certain points, he even was pushing Bunny away from him.

I figured I'd give Damian some time to himself, and some time for myself because of the anxiety, but holding it off, gave me a gut feeling that it would only make things worse. So after about an hour, with the show still running, I finally worked up the courage to go to Damian's locker room.

I literally had to take a few deep breaths before I knocked on the door, knocking lightly, but it was enough because I heard from a deep voice:

"Who is it?"

"It's Y/N!" I informed him, listening closely as the door unlocked, hearing Damian say:

"Come in."

The second I walked in, I felt my blood pressure go through the roof, feeling my face heating up as I walked in, seeing Damian in nothing but a towel, body still wet a little from the shower. What was up with all these high-pressure situations?

Either way, I didn't want to stand there and look stupid, so I said:

"You were really fired up out there tonight, ya know, and not in a good way."

"Not in a good way?" Damian scoffed, turning his back to me.

"Well, yeah," I tried to chuckle, "You about murdered Elias out there. Is everything okay?"

"Wrestling is wrestling," Damian sighed, whispering under his breath, "Not like you would know."

"Excuse me?" I scoffed, actually becoming offended, "I'm the number one contender for the women's title! What championship are you ready to win?"

Damian slowly turned to me with a mean smug on his face, exchanging another blow once he huffed, "Well, what kind of women's champion just sits backstage and flirts with guys all night?"

"Flirting with who?" I asked, truly wanting to hear his answer.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Damian groaned, referencing Bunny.

"And if you know exactly what happened, you would have noticed how he was flirting with me and I turned him down!" I shot out quickly, "Why are you so jealous about it?"

"I-I-" Damian began, choking on his words as he turned to face me, just giving up after a moment.

Finally, I was the one who admitted the truth, taking a step forward with my head down, exhaling deeply as I said:

"The reason why you're jealous is the same reason why I told him no, Damian."

There was a moment of silence between us, until I approached him, saying, "You have no idea how guilty I felt, letting him flirt with me because of you and I know that this sounds ridiculous maybe, I just don't know how to tell you that-"

Before I could finish, Damian cut me off, sighing, "Enough with words."

All of the sweet, loving, heart-felt feelings I had for Damian came to the surface and I could feel all of the same emotions from him the moment our lips touched, Damian's lips smacking right into mine and god, nothing I have ever experienced in my life has ever felt this good.

It didn't take long for my arms to wrap around his neck, even in heels I had to get on my tiptoes a bit to pull him closer, just about head over heels, literally.

I about fell over when our lips finally parted, breathless from all of it, his nose nuzzling mine, my eyes meeting his gaze as he whispered:

"If anyone's going to 'collaborate' with you, it's going to be me."

"I would never argue with that," I smirked, biting my own lip a little, giving him another kiss, pressing hard to make sure it was real and that I wasn't dreaming, but damn it was real, so real and so good, so I pulled the next move, "Looks like you're one step ahead of me on that collaboration."

"Why don't you catch up then?" Damian whispered deeply, his voice alone just giving me a rush, that intensifying once I felt his fingertips at the side of my skirt, making me break out in goosebumps as he began to unzip it.

"Don't mind if I do," I whispered back, kissing him softly while my hands assisted him, making my skirt drop to the floor.

The moment it hit the floor, Damian smiled against our kiss, biting at my lip while his hands wandered, sliding down my back and cupping my ass, taking a handful with his large, warm hands, fingertips now going after my panties.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting for a moment like this," Damian whispered, walking me backward to the couch.

"Igualmente," I smirked, letting him know I felt the same, giving him so more help as my crop top came next, freeing my breasts.

My body was like a new land for him to explore, his hands so soft against my skin, touching anything he could, filling my body with even more warmth when his hands covered both breasts, rolling my tender nipples, about getting a moan out of me, especially when his head dipped down, taking a mouthful and sucking hard, tongue twirling all around my sensitive nipple.

We both couldn't help but laugh as I was ready to fall back on the couch, doing so, but Damian not coming along with me, laughing more as I landed with a hard bounce.

At the sight of my breasts bouncing though, Damian instinctively licked his lips, his tall stature making him tower above me as I sat on the couch, my eyes quickly falling down, following the movement of his towel, watching it fall to the floor, my eyes fixing right on his hard cock that stood tall.

"See something you like?" Damian spoke with pride, seeing his body break out and goosebumps, tensing up a bit whenever I stroked him softly, cooing:

"More than like."

What really got him is when I leaned forward, my mouth closing around his crown, sucking hard, tongue swirling all around, making sure I got the slit, my hand working the rest of his length. It didn't take long for Damian to really fill it, taking a handful of my hair as I started to down him more, his crown reaching the back of my throat.

"As good as it feels," Damian sighed, pulling my head back, but putting another smile on my face as he spread my legs wide, getting on the couch with me, "How about we see how good it feels somewhere else?"

The feeling of his crown rolling through my slick folds and nudging my clit, nice and slow, it was such an amazing feeling, making me want to moan even more now, just taking the time to enjoy the feeling.

"Damn, I really make you that wet?" Damian chuckled, doing it some more.

"You have no idea," I moaned out slightly, biting my lip at the feeling.

I just knew Damian wanted to hear more, getting off from it and by teasing me while his crown circled and teased my entrance, whispering in my ear:

"I have no idea? I think I do now. Have I made you wet before?"

"You don't know how many times I've had to contain myself, leave a room, take a cold shower, all because of you," I whispered back, my tongue dancing with his as he kissed me again, but quickly after, making me gasp and moan all over his lips.

If my body wasn't filled with enough heat, Damian added to it even more, slowly splitting me wide, giving me inch after inch slowly, smiling at all of the moans and noises I was making. Just being so full, and my entire body so warm, feeling every inch go up my sensitive walls and dragging back down as he began to feed me slow thrusts.

"Well now," Damian whispered to me, kissing at my neck, leaving some bites behind, "You won't have to contain yourself anymore."

At the end of his sentence, he pulled down every inch, down to just his crown, feeding me a quick thrust, snapping a bit hard, his hips smacking into mine, making me moan loudly:

"Damian!"

"How'd I know that you'd moan my name so beautifully?" Damian smirked, repeating that same acting and getting the same reaction out of me every time, the feeling more pleasure than anything I've ever experienced.

"You thought about it before?" I was barely able to get out between breaths, arms wrapping around his neck while he said to me:

"You should know the answer to that."

With a deep groan, Damian began to pick up his pace, making my walls tighten around his girth, and with all the pleasure, the pressure hitting my clit, his body pinned against mine, so much heat trapped between them, it was all driving me crazy and it never felt so good.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, it did. Damian flipped me over, taking his turn to sit on the couch, putting me on his lap, still inside of me, and sliding even deeper, taking a tight grip on my hips, helping me roll them a little, feeling his crown hit my sweet spot each time.

I was still getting used to the new feeling, moving my hips slowly, but Damian gladly gave me some encouragement.

"Too much for you to handle?" Damian whispered, "I imagined you'd take the opportunity to ride all over me."

"Imagined?" I chuckled, moving my hair away from my face so I could stare directly into his eyes.

"What? A man can't have thoughts and dreams?" Damian smirked, smiling more as I responded:

"Yes, but what I meant was, why imagine when it's going to happen."

It felt even better to see Damian's head fall back for a moment, letting out a brief moan of his own as I picked up my hips, bouncing onto him, taking all of his length every time, planting some kisses of my own along his neck, whispering to him:

"But it is nice to know how you really think about me."

"How can't I be crazy about you?" Damian whispered, planting a firm smack on my ass, hands following the movement of my hips each time they rolled, gripping on even tighter when I began bouncing again.

"Again," I huffed, kissing him hard, hips moving even faster, "Igualmente. You drive me all kinds of crazy."

"Show me how crazy," Damian whispered, biting at my lower lip as he kissed me and I gladly gave him what he wanted, riding him like all hell, making my lip pop free from his grip as his head fell back again, handles fondling my breasts, trying to distract himself a little but it wasn't enough.

I had to power through my hips wanting to buckle, but all the pleasure was just too good, taking all his length each time, meeting his base, hips rolling, and not slowing down for even a second. It became a little too much for me even, but I was able to ride it all out, praising him with more moans and babbles once he picked up his hips, putting in his own work.

"F-fuck, Damian," I whined out desperately, both of us feeling my walls clench even tighter, knowing how close I was.

"You're really worked up huh?" Damian cooed, his finger finding my clit, edging me on by rubbing it rapidly in circles.

"Yeah," I moaned out salaciously, "I'm so close!"

"Get closer then, baby," Damian encouraged, moving his hips even faster than mine, making gasp for air. It felt like my body was ready to give way, using his shoulders for support, gripping on tight as I felt my walls tighten like a death grip, throbbing around his cock, then this huge wave of wet heat, gushing down onto him.

"Got damn, Y/N," Damian let out, a groan rumbling in his chest, giving me a few soft thrusts, then pushing me down by my hips, pinning them to his.

"Oh my god, Damian," I huffed, eyes rolling back a little, laying my head on his chest, body shaking from the aftershock of his heat shooting into me.

"So," Damian huffed, tilting my chin up so I could look into his eyes, "You know what this means, right?"

Instantly, it felt like I wanted to blush, my cheeks getting warm again as he stroked my cheek, responding with:

"No more hiding feelings about each other?"

"We don't need to," Damian smirked, kissing me softly, "You're all mine."

I returned his kiss with a smile as well, cooing, "And I'm not going anywhere."

[yoooespinosa]

The Forbidden Fruit

I Yours, Draco

Warnings: light cursing

< back | next >

A/n: harry is going to be doing/saying some out of character stuff. it wouldn’t be enemies to lovers if he didn’t. just fyi. also this is not me saying that’s who the reader will end up w, i haven’t made up my mind yet.

He was watching you. You could feel it— his gaze burning through your skull. He wanted you to meet his eyes, but you wouldn’t. You would not allow yourself to give him the satisfaction.

Before, you would have blushed, basking in his attentiveness towards you. Your chest would swell with pride with the knowledge; that you had draco malfoy’s attention all to yourself.

Now, you wanted to hide from his heed. To get as far away from his intent stare as possible. You were now aware, that it wasn’t attainable to have him all to yourself, at least not the whole of him.

You were so focused on not turning your head, that you hadn’t noticed when professor slugorn instructed to grab ingredients for the potion he had just been lecturing the class on.

Noticing the commotion, you observed the items your peers had picked out and made your way to the supply closet.

You weren’t surprised when you felt a presence behind you as you stood on your tiptoes to reach the top shelf.

A hand on your hip, flexing slightly, as if the person wanted to grip you and never let you go. They thought against it, instead a soft caress of their hand stayed.

Their chest skimming your back and their other hand coming to view as they brushed the fingers of your outstretched hand, grabbing the item you were reaching for.

You recognized the hand immediately, what with the familiar rings that embellished his fingers. But even before that, you figured it was him, the room filling with his once comforting scent.

A sharp ache to your chest almost made your knees buckle at the sound of his voice, “Here.”

His voice was soft— almost a whisper. You hated that even after everything, it still made your stomach flutter. Even if it was just one fucking word.

You turned around slowly, his hand falling from your hip. He was so close, close enough you could feel the heat radiating off of him.

You grabbed the bottle from his hand hesitantly, making sure not to make anymore skin to skin contact.

Begrudgingly you mumbled, “Thanks.” Still not meeting his eyes.

Before you could move away from him, potion be damned, he stopped you with a grip on your elbow.

“Wait,” He sounded desperate, enough that it made you want to listen, but a part of you knew that draco was always the best at giving people what they wanted. He knew just how to play his cards. “can we talk? Please.”

“We don’t have anything to talk about.”

Perhaps you did though, it was just the matter of you not wanting to. You had been ignoring him since that night, he had ran after you, but you slammed your door in his face.

He ended up waiting by your dorm all night, leading him to falling asleep against the wall. But when you were sure he was no longer awake, you snuck off to one of your friends rooms.

Draco didn’t know boundaries some times. He didn’t know the definition of needing space, he would smother you until there was none available.

And there was no way you could have dealt with that at the time— without breaking down.

“You know that’s not true.” His voice was always quiet, soft— when he was trying to get his way with you, trying to get you to forgive him, because he knew you liked it best like that. So different from the arrogant and boastful draco that the rest of hogwarts knew. But that wouldn’t work on you now, you refused to let him win you back with simple soft spoken words.

You removed your arm from his firm grip, “What could you possibly have to say to me right now?”

His eyes wandered a second, seeming to search for the right words. But there wasn’t anything he could say that would change your feelings.

“It wasn’t what it looked like.” He chose to settle with.

You shot him a look of incredulity, irritation flaring through you. “Really?” Your tone was dull, not allowing your emotions to give away. “Because what it looked like was you fucking another girl.” He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. “Was that not what you were doing?”

His mouth opened and closed. Searching for words and promptly finding nothing. You had expected as much, how could he deny what you both knew happened?

“That’s what i thought.”

Part of you wanted it to be a big misunderstanding. You wanted to believe that it wasn’t what it looked like, your heart ached for that to be true.

“It’s not that simple.” He breathed out, inching his head down to meet your eyes.

You moved away from him, you didn’t trust yourself with his lips that close to yours.

“If you would just let me-“

He was cut off by a scuff of a shoe. Someone else had entered the supply closet. You didn’t know if you were disappointed or relieved.

Dracos face hardened, a sneer coming to his face. “What?”

“I’m just trying to get my ingredients.” The voice sounded unamused.

Draco scoffed, “We’ll talk later.” He left before you could disagree.

You let out a shaky breath, overwhelmed with talking to draco for the first time in a few days.

A low snicker sounded from behind you, followed by the sound of glass clinking faintly, you turned and met green eyes.

“Is there something you want to say, potter?” You spat at the boy.

He shook his head, laughing to himself. “It’s a bit embarrassing, isn’t it?”

Confusion was clear on your face, “What is?”

He met your eyes, amusement coming over his features. “Your boyfriend— cheating on you with pug face parkinson.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” You immediately retaliated.

You also wanted to scold him for that nickname. It was degrading and you thought that it didn’t fit pansy at all, no one could deny that she was a pretty girl.

You held that back though. Because why would you even think about defending the girl that slept with your boyfriend.

You and pansy weren’t friends, but you never had any problems. You gave each other answers to homework and even gave advice to one another, once in awhile. But she never owed you anything, that’s why you weren’t as mad at her, as you were with draco.

Nevertheless, she was wrong and went against basic morals, you could admit that. But then again, when has pansy parkinson ever given a fuck about said morals?

“Yeah,” He raises his eyebrows mockingly, still collecting what he needed. “i’d sure hope so after that.”

Your jaw clenched unwillingly, eyes narrowed at the bespectacled boy, “Do you ever mind your business?”

He turns to you, “It’s kind of hard to, when your sad love life is aired out for the whole school to see.”

He throws you a sarcastic smile and leaves the closet before you could utter a word. Good, you probably would have regretted the words that were bound to come out next. You hated him more than draco and that said a lot.

Letting out a heavy sigh, you grab everything you needed hastily, dreading to see how much time you wasted.

When seated back on your desk, you see a note sitting on top of your textbook, written in all too familiar cursive.

Meet me at our place. Please.

- Yours, Draco

[softboywriting]

3AM | Nathan Bateman | Ex Machina

Summary: A rainstorm in the middle of the night is the perfect time to start confessing feelings and thoughts that have been bottled up for over a year. At least to Nathan it is. [Post Film - Nathan Lives] [Mentions of Alcoholism] [Pregnancy - Mentioned] [Soft!Nathan] [Mention of Injury - Film Canon] [Fluff with Angst] [F!reader/Nathan] [Established Relationship]

Word Count: 1.8k

|Masterlist In Bio|

Nathan doesn't sleep on his own anymore unless it's raining, not without help. Drinking, some over the counter non prescription sleeping medication, physical exhaustion. He will do anything to make himself sleep, except see a doctor. Nathan doesn't like doctors, he thinks most are liars and cheats who just want to scam people out of their money. You have no idea where he got the theories he has but he won't see medical professionals unless he absolutely cannot handle the situation himself. He is a genius but maybe too in his head for his own good.

You're not sure why this all started, but you can pinpoint when it started. A year ago, a year and three months ago after his last failed AI. Failed isn't the right word. They aren't failures, they're incredible works of art and science but not what he wants so in his eyes, failures. Ava was his best work to date and he even brought in an outside civilian to try her out with someone other than himself. He never lets you in with the AI. Says he is protecting you. Things with Ava escalated, got heated and Nathan got seriously hurt. After she was detained, Nathan was forced to shut the breaker down to Ava's room so she couldn't power back up after her battery ran down and he could safely disassemble her after he healed. After that he became closed off, more so than usual. The drinking got worse and the sleeplessness started. It has put a strain on your relationship that sometimes it feels like it only affects you.

So when you wake up in the middle of the night and go to the kitchen for a bottle of water and see Nathan passed out on the couch you think he's drunk again. A topic of many arguments and one you don't want to breach at three in the morning. So you tiptoe quietly past him to your destination. It's then that you see the rain pelting the glass walls of the house. Wind whipping around the trees and making a muffled howling sound. You wish Nathan would come to bed, your shared bed, but he won't if he's been hitting the bottle because he knows you hate it. Maybe you can get him to move off the couch if he's just asleep because of the rain.

"What's that noise?" He groans and you stop by the doorway to the inner workings of the house, bottle of water in hand. "Kitten? That you?"

"Yes, I was getting water. Do you need something?"

"Noise?" He asks insistently.

You cross the room and he lifts his arm from his eyes. "It's a storm. Pretty bad one if I were to guess."

"Oh."

"Mmhmm. Do you want to go sit on the enclosed deck? I know you like to watch the rain."

Nathan sits up and fixes his crooked glasses. "What time is it?"

"Three A.M."

"Fuck." He pushes up off the couch and goes to the window leaning against it with his forearms up on the glass, eyes fixated on something out in the dark. "I must have passed out."

"Yeah, it's raining." You walk up behind him and lay a hand between his shoulder blades. "You always sleep when it's raining."

Nathan glances back at you. "I do?"

"Yes." You chuckle. "You don't know?"

"I sleep without the rain too, that's ridiculous."

"No, you get black out drunk and pass out or your body physically shuts down because you go too long without rest." There is a hint of venom in your words that you don't intend but it's a touchy subject. You miss him in your bed. You miss him in general. Since Ava things haven't been the same and you're getting tired of it.

Nathan doesn't say anything. He just stares out at the darkness. You hate his silence. It's almost worse than when he's talking to you like you're a child, which he rarely does now since you've discussed how that doesn't fly with you. Silence is his new way of saying he is right about everything.

"Nate," you start and he pushes off the glass, walking away to the kitchen. "Nathan, where are you going?"

"Deck."

------------------

The moment you're seated together on the wooden bench in the enclosed deck, he decides to speak. It's not loud but it makes your heart rate spike when he begins. You're not sure why. Maybe you can feel something coming.

"I've been thinking."

"You're always thinking."

"No," he looks over and you can tell by the way his eyes are softened that he's serious and he wants you to listen and not talk back right now. "I want to stop drinking."

You lay your hand on his thigh and he covers it with his own. You've never known him to have this serious of a conversation with you. Not even when he said I love you the first time. Nothing has felt this important. "Why?"

"For you." He leans his head on your shoulder and you rub your cheek against his stubbly hair. "I know you don't like it and I can see it's putting a strain on our relationship."

"I definitely wouldn't mind it. I do miss you."

"I'm right here, every day."

"You know that isn't what I mean."

"I know." He murmurs. You don't think you've ever heard him speak so softly outside of sleepy cuddling, let alone hear him agree with you so quickly. This is scaring you. It makes you think something is wrong.

You rub your hand over his cheek, fingers flexing in his beard. "Is something going on? Did something happen to bring this all about?"

"Do you think I'd be a good dad?"

You pause, thrown for a loop at such a left field question. "A good dad? Nathan...I don't know."

"You can say no."

"That's not my answer." You look out at the rain. You don't know what he would be like as a dad. Having children changes people. As he currently is, no, Nathan would not be a good dad. He's too stubborn, bossy, impatient and absent. He has too much going on in the lab to focus on raising a human being. "It's complicated."

"Simplify it."

"I don't know how you are with children. I've never seen that side of you. But that doesn't matter. How a person is with someone else's kids versus how they act when it's their own is different. It's not a black and white answer."

"Do you want children?"

You sigh and look at him. He looks distant, zoned out. If you didn't know better you'd think he was drunk or stoned. "Maybe. It's not something I think about a lot. Do you? It seems you're thinking about it quite a bit more than me."

"I thought about it today. I thought about a lot of things today, and yesterday. What day is it? Nevermind it doesn't matter."

"What have you been thinking about? Other than children obviously."

"Like how I've never loved someone, or anything more than I love you. I didn't even think myself capable of love until I thought I was going to die after Ava's attack and my first thought was not that I was scared of death, but that you would be alone and you would have to see me die."

"Nathan, honey..." You slide your hand across his stomach where, beneath the soft cotton shirt, lies a very large scar. You'll never forget that night. It was a nightmare come to life.

A cool wetness comes across your arm, and you think it is the rain at first. Somehow leaking through the roof. But then you realize it's Nathan. He's crying for the first time since you met him, since you fell in love with him. He is crying silently.

There are no words to be said as you gather his head to your chest and hold him tight. He's been holding on to this for a long time. It wasn't just yesterday he was thinking about it. It's been a year and three months. You imagine he has been tormenting himself every day with the thought of leaving you alone, of you coping with his death. If only it didn't take so long for him to come clean.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, clinging to your back. "I won't leave you."

"I won't leave you either."

"I'm not making AI anymore. Not the conscious kind. Ava was too much, I played God and I realize I shouldn't have."

This is astounding. Nathan never apologizes, never admits fault or denies his works. You don't know who this is. This is not your Nathan. "Is there something more you want to tell me?"

"Yeah."

Your stomach aches, and a cold shiver tears it's way through your body. You have no idea what he is going to say. The worst is that he's dying, you think. "Out with it then. You're not one to dilly dally with words."

"Marry me."

"What?"

Nathan slides off the bench and stands in front of you. He doesn't kneel. He would never kneel. "Marry me." He puts his hand out for you. It's not so much a question as it is a command. How very Nathan. If he were any other person you would tell them off for this kind of harsh proposal.

"I thought you didn't believe in marriage."

"I didn't believe in love either but here I am."

You stand up and he takes your hands, rubbing his thumbs over the tops. "You want to marry me and have kids? Who are you?"

"I'm Nathan." He leans in and presses his forehead to yours. "I'm the Nathan that you broke down emotionally piece by piece for the last two years and this is what's left."

"A softie?"

"I wouldn't say I'm soft. I'm more...attuned to my emotional responses."

You reach up and hold his face in your hands, head still pressed to his. "I think I love this Nathan more. Is that harsh?"

"No." He nudges forward, bumping your nose and presses a quick kiss to your lips. "But don't expect me to be any softer in bed."

"I would never."

"Good. So you accept?"

"Accept?"

"My proposal."

You laugh softly under your breath. "That was a proposal? It didn't sound like a question, but rather a command."

Nathan smiles, that troublesome glint in his eye. "Semantics. So will you?"

You roll your eyes and smile. "Yes. I'll marry you Nathan."

"Good." He pulls you in, hips flush to his, pressing his face to your neck. He kisses along your throat, leaving wet licks across your jaw. "Now I can put a baby in you," he murmurs against your ear.

You smack him in the back and he chuckles.

"Come on." He wraps his arms around you and hauls you up against his chest. "I've done some research. I know all the best positions to get you nice and full."

"Nathan!"

"Oh shut up." He walks you back toward the kitchen, biting on your shoulder. "You love it dirty."

"Oh my God!"

"Yes?"

"I hate you."

"Love you too."

--------------

end

Thank you! Please Comment and reblog if you read and or enjoyed -A

*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted works.*****

[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Epilogue 2

Epilogue 2 : Anyone But You

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5  🡪chapter 6  🡪chapter 7  🡪chapter 8  🡪chapter 9  🡪chapter 10  🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18 🡪chapter 19 🡪chapter 20 🡪chapter 21 🡪chapter 22 🡪chapter 23 🡪chapter 24 🡪chapter 25 🡪chapter 26 🡪chapter 27 🡪chapter 28 🡪chapter 29 🡪chapter 30 🡪chapter 31 🡪chapter 32  🡪chapter 33 🡪chapter 34 🡪chapter 35 🡪chapter 36 🡪chapter 37 🡪chapter 38 🡪epilogue 1

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

I don't change my mind for anybody I won't waste my time on just anybody I won't share my life (with anyone but you)

It's such a long road (with anyone but you) That I couldn't follow (with anyone but you) Never anyone but Never anyone but (anyone but you)

THANK YOU! thank you for reading this story, for commenting this story, for reblogging and liking this story. Thank you to everyone on the update list, everyone who sent me requests and ideas, everyone who followed this story and everyone who was excited for every chapter. Thank you to everyone who messaged me, complimented me, thank you for all the emotions you shared with me through the characters. THANK YOU SO MUCH! i love you all. i can’t explain how much!

This is the final chapter. i hope you enjoy it and that this story reached your expectations. and i hope it makes you want to read my next story!

I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH THANK YOU TIMES INFINITY!

NIALL

I stared at the painting on the wall as people walked slowly around me. I was proud of my girlfriend for her first exhibition but it was the very first time I was seeing this specific painting and although I knew no one had seen the picture it was based on, I recognized it immediately. She had asked me if she could expose the pictures but I couldn't see them anywhere. Instead, she had painted one of them and I was staring at it. The feelings invading me were the same than when I looked at the actual picture and I realized it was probably the moment that made me feel like that.

I felt her soft touch on my upper arm and detached my eyes from her art, blinking a few times to look at her. She raised her eyebrows slightly and bit her bottom lip nervously.

"You hate it."

"No!" I quickly replied, shaking my head and frowning a bit. "No it's just, so different than what you normally paint."

"I know, I think painting the human body is so complex and it really depends on how you see the person. It gets so much more emotional when you paint someone you love."

Her eyes found the painting and she breathed in before sighing. "Maybe I shouldn't have painted it, maybe I shouldn't have exposed it... I just thought it was a way to expose the pictures without really showing them to anyone."

"It's amazing, Devie." I whispered, making her turn around to look at me again.

Our eyes met and she sent me a shy smile. I turned to her and cupped her face, running my thumbs on her cheeks gently before bending down to kiss her lips.

"Dev!"

My girlfriend broke our kiss when she heard her name and I looked up to see Lewis, Daxia, Louis and Eleanor getting closer. We had been hanging out a lot recently and it was nice to be around people like them. Louis and I were also getting closer, probably because of Devon, and I liked that. I had missed him.

"This painting is beautiful." Daxia let out, making her glass turn in her hands as she stared at it. "I mean they all are, this one is just different."

"I was just telling her that." I smiled, glancing at my girlfriend.

"A lot of emotions thrown on that canvas." Louis pointed out, raising his eyebrows, and I immediately knew that he had guessed.

I thought about the real pictures that we had left at my apartment. Devon had created a mobile with them and we had placed it in a corner of my bedroom. Sometimes, I stared at it, just watching it move to see the lyrics written behind one of the pictures,. It brought so many memories to my mind and I knew It always would, no matter how many years passed.

"Hey, where are we celebrating tonight?" Lewis asked as Louis sent a smirk to Devon.

"Nope, not tonight guys, but we'll plan something soon." I quickly replied, shaking my head. "Tonight I'm just spending the night alone with my main girl."

"Seriously, why do you guys call each other like that?" Louis asked with a grimace. "Does that imply you have side girls and guys?"

Devon chuckled but I shook my head. "It's a secret between us, Tommo." I just replied, hitting his arm gently and making my girlfriend laugh.

I didn't answer his question because I knew he was joking, but it made me wonder if Devon really knew why I called her like that. It took an hour and a half before we finally arrived at my apartment and as soon as we walked in, I pressed her against the wall, pushing the door with one of my feet.

"It's my turn to be proud of you." I whispered, feeling her hands slip under my hoodie. "Your art moves me, Devie. You move me."

She grabbed my bottom lip between hers and sucked on it, making me groan.

"You know why I call you my main girl, right?" I wondered in a whisper, my lips brushing against hers.

"Mmhm, because of that conversation we had, when I said I wanted to be the protagonist." she moved closer to kiss me again and I let her before licking my lips.

"Not only that." I admitted just as low. "Devie, my real story didn't start before I met you. It was just a long prologue before the main thing."

Her lips parted and her eyes watered as I kept staring at her in the darkness of the room. I didn't know how to explain to her what she meant to me but seeing the way she was looking at me at that exact moment made me think she may know anyway.

She brought one of her hands in my hair as she stared at me. I loved feeling her fingers in my hair and I kissed her lips gently again. I thought I knew what love felt before but I really didn't. I knew it sounded cliché but it was true. I was ready to bet on anything that Devon was the love of my life and that what we had would last forever.

"I love you," she whispered, shaking her head slightly. "And we're going to your room right now."

I chuckled at her words and shook my head too. "No, we can't. I have a surprise for you." I admitted, making her frown. "Close your eyes." She stared at me and i smiled. "Do you trust me?"

Instead to answer, she closed her eyes and breathed in before I turned the light on. I put myself behind her, placing my hands on her eyes and leading her slowly to the living room, making her stop next to the couch.

"Okay, keep your eyes closed alright?"

She nodded and slowly, I took my hands off her eyes, making sure she was not cheating, and I took a few steps back. I stared at her for a while, feeling my heart thump against my chest, a bit scared of what she'd say, and when I softly told her to open her eyes. I watched confusion appear on her traits until she saw the little puppy, laying on the floor, asleep. I had tried to put a bow on his head but it was falling down and Devon chuckled, her lips parted.

"Niall!" she let out without sending me a glance before getting on her knees and moving closer to the small dog.

Slowly, she took him in her arms and he woke up, making my lips curl. "It's a miracle he didn't bark before, would have ruined the surprise."

"Niall I... I can't." she shook her head, looking at the puppy with loving but sad eyes. "My parents will never let me bring a dog home, you know it."

"He can stay here." I just shrugged, pushing my hands in my pockets.

She chuckled and rolled her eyes, turning to me with an amused smile. "Ah, you bought yourself a puppy, then."

"No, it's your puppy." I explained after swallowing the lump in my throat. "And he's gonna need you 24/7. And... and I need you 24/7, too."

She frowned and slowly got up, walking to her, the dog still in her arms. "Niall, what are you saying?"

I breathed in and swallowed again, taking a few steps closer to her very slowly. I had no idea why it stressed me so much. Perhaps I was scared that she'd think it's too soon, or that it was a stupid idea, but deep down, I really wanted her to accept.

"Devie, I'm ready to spend forever with you." I confessed in a gentle tone, taking my hands out of my pocket to grab one of hers. I opened her palm and placed a key inside before sighing. "It would be an honor for me if you moved in here, with me. What's mine is yours, and all that."

"That... That would mean we'd go to bed together all the time, and wake up together all the time. And I could watch you get ready for work in the morning, and we'd take showers together, and cuddle in front of the tv, and make food together... Every single day?"

"No." I shook my head with a chuckle. "Sometimes I'd bring take out or we'd order."

She chuckled and rolled her eyes, putting the dog down before he just ran away, making her laugh. She brought her attention back to me and I raised my eyebrows. "So? Is that a yes?"

She got on her tiptoes as her lips curled and slid her arms around my neck, pulling me gently closer. "Yes. It's a yes." she whispered, making me sigh of relief. "Did you doubt it?"

I chuckled nervously and kissed her lips. "Was just nervous." I admitted, raising my nose up. "How are you gonna name your puppy? Something original!"

"No idea yet, but you're right, we need an original name for our main dog."

I laughed and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her closer. "Thank you, Niall." she whispered, licking her lips. The way she looked at me all lovingly made my heart jump in my chest. There was something about the way her body fitted perfectly with mine that I couldn't stop thinking about.

"What for?"

"For being you. For seeing me. For loving me."

"Easiest thing I ever did, petal." I admitted in a murmur. "I love you."

"I love you more."

[mymelodyheart]

All I Want For Christmas Is You Chapter 5 ~Rollover Rollo~

 Previously in Revelations and Snogs

"You want to see me again?" she teased, smiling.

"I dinnae even want to leave ye tonight."

She dropped her head down to hide the heat creeping up her face. "I'll see what's Annalise is up to and we'll take it from there. I'll either call you or send a message."

He placed a finger under her chin and tipped her face up. "Ye're not mad I kissed ye? I havenae forgotten yer rules about first dates."

Claire picked up the gift bags, stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. And then she smiled. "I'm starting to believe the rules don't apply to you. Good night, Jamie." And with that, she turned around and walked towards the cottage without looking back, knowing full well Jamie was still stood there waiting for her until she'd safely made it to the house.

Once inside, she allowed herself to slide down to the floor and relived the memory of their first kiss. And she sat there for a very long time.

If you wish to read this on AO3, here is the link.

If you wish to read this from the beginning:

AO3 link

Tumblr link

    Yawning, he stretched himself until his joints popped. When he glanced at his bedside clock, he realised it was only seven a.m. As per usual, Jamie hardly slept a wink, but this time around, he didn't feel depleted nor on edge. If anything, he felt refreshed and energised. There was nowhere to rush to as his and his brother's business was closed for the holidays; nevertheless, he decided to get up and feed his dog, Rollo and get a few moments alone before the day started. 

Most nights, he'd wake up to his own cries, his body drenched in perspiration and he'd find himself on the floor on his knees, breathing heavily as the feeling of panic took over. Raw terror and uncontrollable fear would course through his body, blurring his surroundings and any coherent thoughts. His only primary focus would be to fight for air, attempting to slow his breathing as his heart furiously pounded out of rhythm, making it seem like it was about to explode in his chest. He didn't have any idea how long the attacks took, only that it happened most nights and in loud, overly-crowded places. 

Last night had been different though. Instead of visions of horrors that plagued his dreams, he'd tossed and turned in his bed thinking of Claire. Images of her and their night together preoccupied his mind causing all sorts of emotions to poke his heart. Unknowingly, she'd gently nudged his past out of him which was a rare occurrence, as he seldom talked about it to anyone other than his older brother. It had been so easy to confide, and it came as natural as breathing. In such a short time, she'd kindled something inside him he hadn't known breathed, and made him feel alive again. When she'd heard his story, there were none of the affected looks of horror or sympathy he'd expected, nor did she give him any special treatment. She'd shared her thoughts with a silent understanding and compassion and moved on as if she knew they were treading over a delicate subject. 

Shoving his duvet aside, Jamie padded to the bathroom and stepped into the shower, relishing the warm stinging spray on his skin. Minutes later, after towelling off, he put on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a hoodie. He hummed under his breath as he walked into the kitchen, knowing there was a lot to look forward to. Mainly spending time with Claire again. Feeling optimistic, he was grateful for the blessed respite from his night time terrors and counted himself lucky.

After all, he was the lucky one, wasn't he?

He was alive, and he'd dodged the bullets.

Simon MacKimmie hadn't. 

And he'd broken his promise.

He went over the scenario again, wondering if he'd just been a little quicker, shaving a few precious minutes, would Simon still be alive today?

As for his friend's wife, had he given up too soon on Laoghaire? He hadn't stayed around to find out and hear the rest of the story after the lass admitted to cheating. Maybe he should have talked to her and listened to her side of the account, instead of speculating why she did what she did. If he'd done that, would it have absolved him of his guilt?

He knew it was futile to keep rehashing the past events in his head. He'd already decided the best way forward was to embrace the natural process of grief and guilt even though his therapist wanted him to use every textbook solution that was out there and take the prescribed pills to dull the pain. He wasn't a fan of medication that you popped into the mouth and believed in a more organic healing approach which was why he came home to stay, surrounded by familiar faces in an environment he loved. Even if he would recover, he knew he couldn't go back to his old life as a part of him had died with Simon.

The sound of scrambling paws on the wooden floor brought him out of his reflections. His furry housemate and companion, Rollo, appeared around the corner and headed straight for him.

"Hiya mate, sae sorry was late last night." He patted the husky's head to smooth the white-grey fur, and in return, he got a gentle lick and prod with a wet snout to his hand. "I met a lass down at the pub and hardly noticed the time. Her name is Claire. I think ye'll like her."

Rollo's grey eyes flashed with understanding. "We'll go for a run later as soon as I know what she's up to. But first, coffee for me while ye go and do yer business."

Rollo cocked his head and nodded.

He opened the backdoor kitchen to let the dog out as a blast of chilly wind caused him to shiver, but Rollo only twitched his nose, barked twice, and ran off.

He laughed out loud at Rollo's outright joy of freedom, racing over to the grass to a favourite tree, and doing laps around the gnarled trunk and then disappearing behind the shed. A deep sense of peace settled over him as he closed the door behind him and turned on his coffee machine. His cottage might be small, and his yard less than half an acre, but he'd managed to create a home on his own terms.

Rollo had been Willie's idea after he was diagnosed with PTSD. His brother believed, human and animal bonding could help alleviate the aftermath of his trauma and aide with his healing. Willie was right. When Rollo had walked out of the rescue centre and into his arms, it had been love at first sight, and they'd been constant companions ever since. Rollo would soothe him when he had one of his episodes, the low whimper and touch of fur and wetness pressed against the side of his head calming him down in the dead of night. Laoghaire hadn't like the idea of the dog near her, but keeping Rollo was something he remained adamant about.

Jamie headed towards the pantry, grabbed a sack of dog food and filled the doggy bowl with biscuits, ready for when Rollo returned from his morning business. As he brought his coffee over to the table, he checked his phone. There were a few messages from his shinty teammates asking about Claire, probably prodded by their wives or girlfriends, eager to hear some juicy news to gossip about. 

He remembered catching some side-eyed looks as he and Claire had browsed through the stalls at the Christmas market last night and it was only a matter of time before everyone knew and started asking questions. When the phone rang, he quickly grabbed it. It was his brother-in-law, Ian.  Ah, fuck!  It meant Jenny must have heard.

Knowing there was no avoiding it, Jamie answered his phone. "Hey, aren't ye up way too early on holiday? How's the weather in the south of France?" 

Ian chuckled. "Never mind that. I'm calling to give ye a heads up."

"On what?" he asked casually, pretending not to know what Ian was on about as he sipped his coffee.

"Mary called Jenny last night, and they were on speaker, so heard the whole thing. Mary gave Jenny a rundown about the lassie ye were out with yesterday."

He ran a hand down his face. "Nosey git! Why does everyone have to know about my business or take an interest?"

"Aye, I said so too myself. Anyway, thought I'd let ye know. I told Jenny already no' to interfere with yer affairs, but ye ken what yer sister is like. She's worried about ye ..." Ian paused before letting out a sigh. "So go easy on her if she asks too many questions."

Jamie pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'll be gentle, but I'm still telling her how it is. I'm a thirty-year-old man for God's sake, and I dinnae need her telling me how to run my life."

"Aye, I know. So, what's up with the lass?"

Jamie groaned. "Nought! I just met her last night. Went out for a few drinks and then I dropped her at Mrs Fitz's."

"Good. Like what ye said, it's naebody's business."

"Aye, remind yer wife that, please."

Ian laughed. "Telling her that would be like talking to a brick wall. Okay, got to go. I think Jenny just woke up. Talk soon ..."

The call ended.

Jamie let out a long breath. Jenny's friend must have mentioned about Claire being from London. His sister remembered only too well what had happened to him last time he was in a city. 

He'd been in Glasgow to visit a mate and was nearly in an accident after he had one of his episodes while crossing a junction. He'd fallen on to his knees, putting traffic into a standstill, while passersby thought he was just another city junkie, going off his nuts. He'd hoped his fits were behind him, but it seemed they lurked in the background like the monsters under the bed that had kept him up at night waiting for the right time to pounce. If it hadn't been for the kind middle-aged English man, called Harry, stopping to his aid, he wondered what would have happened. Harry had taken him to the hospital, called his family, took his number and then disappeared. 

Once in a while, he would get a call from Harry to check up on his well-being, but every time they talked, Jamie forgot to ask for the man's number, as it didn't show on his phone. It would have been good to know where the Englishman lived so he could send a Christmas card or a souvenir from Scotland. His parents had insisted on inviting Harry to Lallybroch, and every time he relayed the message, the man politely refused.

Jamie let out a resigned breath through his nose and refilled his cup with coffee. Jenny was right about one thing she'd kept on about to him. He wouldn't be able to survive in the city for more than a few hours. But where did that leave his chances of forging a relationship with Claire, the only woman to ever affect him the way she did? He was unsuitable for the outside world, and everyone in Broch Mordha knew it. 

He knew Claire was aware of their attraction by the way she often blushed at his teasing and subtly responded to his kiss last night but would that be enough to convince her to stay? Could she envision herself staying for an unforeseeable future to find out what it was between them? What would that mean for her career? Her dreams? It was early days yet, and they'd only just met. She was here until the Three Kings, and that's if she managed to persuade Annalise to stay and anything could happen between now and then.

He browsed the internet in his laptop, scanning through headline news and answering a few emails. After a while, he wondered where his dog was. Normally, he would be scratching at the door by now, wanting his breakfast. Maybe he got distracted by a critter and went off running across the field. He thought he'd give his dog a few more minutes and then he would go out and look. He had another cup of coffee and answered a few text messages all the while checking the time. He was just tying his running shoes when his phone chirped. He glanced at the screen and smiled.

Claire:  Good morning! If I woke you up, I'm terribly sorry. But I did say I would send you a message. So here I am texting you.

He quickly toed off his shoes, grabbed his coffee and went to the living room. Cup in his hand, he settled himself down on the sofa with a grin.

Jamie:  I'm up. May I call you? 

Claire:  Of course. 

He placed his coffee on the table, hit the phone icon and pressed the phone to his ear. "G'morning Sassenach. Did ye sleep well?" he asked when Claire picked up.

She groaned. "Not really. I might have over-indulged with the alcohol last night. I slept fitfully."

"Were ye thinking about the kiss?" He leaned back on the sofa, put his arm behind his head and smiled.

She didn't respond, but he heard something rustling. There must have been an eye-roll in the ensuing pause.

"Was it that bad, huh?"

"No! I ...was ... I'm sorry, I was trying to unwrap something. Anyway, Annalise hasn't shown up yet."

He knew she was trying to avoid the question and decided not to push. "Oh! Have ye tried calling her?"

"She called already, and she told me she's fine. She stayed in Lallybroch with Willie. She said no taxis were running late at night, and they hadn't noticed the time and your brother couldn't drive because he's had a bit to drink. From what I gathered, Lallybroch is your family home, right?"

That canny bastard!  Willie knew taxis didn't come to Lallybroch after ten p.m. and with his parents staying for the night at his aunt Jocasta's house and his sister and brother-in-law away on holiday in the south of France, Willie and Annalise had the manor house to themselves. "Aye, it is our family home," he finally answered. "It's where I grew up. Was Annalise annoyed?"

"Annoyed?" She sounded surprised. "Why should she be annoyed?"

"Weel, she was stuck in the middle of nowhere with my brother, and they've just met. I figured the situation might have unnerved her. "

"No, she wasn't annoyed. If anything, she sounded chipper and was quite chatty. She's normally a morning grump." And then she laughed. "I think having your driving licences sent to Geillis put her mind at ease and felt safe enough to go with your brother. As I did with you too." She said the last sentence almost shyly and quietly.

"I'm glad." Jamie let out a sigh of relief but not before he moved the phone away. He knew he would have been at a disadvantage if Annalise had been miffed about being stranded in Lallybroch. Not that his family's home was far, but it was slightly isolated from the village, and it was two and a half miles away. Without proper street lighting between Lallybroch and Broch Mordha and the temperatures freezing, it would have been an uncomfortable walk back. Fingers-crossed, he hoped Willie and Annalise were getting along fine because it would mean Claire's friend would agree to stay here for their holidays. "So what are yer plans today?"

"Hmmm ...let me see ..."

Her tone was playful, and he could envision a pretty blush creeping from her neck and fanning out to her face. "I hope I'm included in those plans."

"Don't fret. You are." He heard a smile in her voice. "I'm just waiting for Annalise to finally show her face, so I have a clear idea of how the day is supposed to pan out."

He grinned. "Good. Did Annalise tell you what they've been up to?"

"Oh, yes." Jamie heard shuffling in the background again and wondered if she was still in bed and what she was wearing. "She told me they had a quiet evening playing a board game and drinking red wine. Sounds like we had a more exciting evening."

"A board game?"

"Yes. It's funny, really when I think about it. Annalise is more likely to hang out in a crowded place until late. I can't believe she missed the karaoke that was posted in the pub. She loves to sing, and she really has a good voice and ..."

Grabbing his cup, he took a sip of coffee and cleared his throat. "What kind of board game?"

"Umm ...let me think. Annalise said it belongs to your sister and her husband and it sounded something like Monopoly. She said they played for hours."

He almost choked on his coffee.  Ah, fuck ...Willie!  

"You alright?"

"A-aye." He was glad Claire couldn't see the heat spreading across his face. "C-coffee went in the wrong passage," he managed to say.

She let out an adorable giggle, and he heard more shuffling and rustling sound on her end. "Anyway, she kind of explained it roughly and said it has cards and dice. So that's probably why I thought of Monopoly. Hey, maybe we could play it with them. What do you think?"

Ah, bloody hell!  "It's Monogamy ..." he wheezed, putting his cup down on the table and thumping his chest.

Ah, Jesus Christ!  Monogamy board game was a two-player game played by couples with raunchy questions and challenges. He'd found it one night in the hallway cupboard when his family had friends over and was looking for Trivial Pursuit for a night of indoor entertainment. It was hidden behind the stack of other games covered in cloth and labelled  "Jenny's and Ian's - Do Not Touch."  He hadn't realised Willie knew about it. The thought of him and Claire playing it made him hot. He wondered what Claire would think if she knew what it really was.

"Hang on a minute!" He took a few breaths and gulped down the rest of his drink. When he was sure his voice sounded normal again, he grabbed his phone and spoke. "Have ye had breakfast?" he asked, not bothering to answer Claire's question. "I can make us something in a jiffy. I haven't had anything to eat yet."

"Oh, thanks, but I'm having one right now with this handsome chap ..."

He jolted forward and straightened up. "I beg yer pardon?"  Is she teasing me, or is she having breakfast with another bloke while talking to me?

"Oh, um, I'm with a company, actually and I'm waiting for Mrs Fitz to see what we could do about this situation. You see, I got up early, and I read in one of Mrs Fitz's pamphlet, Baker's Dozen was open at seven. So I went for a walk and bought some croissants. On the way back, I met this gorgeous looking fella with the most beautiful grey eyes, and he looked hungry and was following me, so I invited him to have breakfast ..."

"Sassenach!"

"Wot?"

Are ye bloody kidding me?  "Ye cannae just invite someone ye dinnae ken to breakfast just because he looked hungry ..."

"Don't be daft ...he's a charming, cuddly, adorable looking boy."

"Sassenach ..." His voice sounded whiny to his ears.  Ah, fuck!  He wondered who she was having breakfast with, and his mind was already racing, trying to think who could possibly have followed Claire. When he couldn't think of anyone, he shot to his feet and started to shove them back into his running shoes. "I'm coming over right now."

"No, you're not."

"Why not?"

"I'm in my bathrobe."

His heart started to beat faster.  Is this woman who I happen to really like deliriously mad?  "Wh-what? Ye went to the baker's in yer bathrobe?"

"No, silly! It's too cold to be wandering about in a bathrobe. When I got back, I made myself comfortable and dressed down. I have a bath running and will take one soon. But meanwhile, I'm having a bit of breakfast. The water pressure here is not too great, and it's taking ages for the tub to fill up. Don't worry, my guest is very well behaved."

"Behaved?"

"Yeah, he occasionally likes to lick my hand but other than that, he's actually quite mild-mannered."

"Who's with ye, Sassenach?" he asked in a low voice, as he got up from the sofa and made his way to the kitchen. He looked out the window, and when he couldn't see Rollo, he began to grow suspicious.

"Hang on a minute, there's a tag attached to his collar. Umm ...let's see, what do we have here? His name is Rollo."

"That's my dog!"

She let out a throaty laugh. "Oh, that's fine then! I'll keep him with me until I'm done with my bath. And then I'll bring him over to you."

"Why didn't ye tell me it's a dog ye're with?"

"Did I not? I'm sorry I was distracted feeding him croissant with butter. I hope that's alright with you."

"I thought you were having breakfast with another man in yer bathrobe!" His voice held a slightly accusatory tone.

"Well, you thought wrong. So, you're alright with Rollo having croissant with butter? He seems to love it."

He counted backwards, starting from ten, and when he was done, he almost laughed out loud. Knowing Claire didn't mind having his dog around her, made him like her even more. "Aye, that's alright, Sassenach. A wee treat once in a while, never did him harm. Speaking of treats, I could use one too actually."

"What did you have in mind?"

"I'm coming over to tell ye." And then he hung up before she could respond and made a dash out of the door.

      Dear Readers,

I hope you've enjoyed this chapter as much as I did writing it. I made a massive effort to finish it tonight as I really want certain parts of the story to coincide with Christmas. It was a huge challenge, but I got there in the end. The rest of this story is is outlined and ready to be written, and I'm quite excited about it. All I need is to make it come alive in my storytelling. I'm so chuffed about some certain elements (sorry not going to divulge) that I have come up with, I had a proper good girly squeal earlier. Now that I have said it, I hope I haven't set the expectation too high. Just needed to overshare my excitement. haha!

Anyway, thanks muchly for your feedback, kudos and love for the previous chapter. Sending you back best wishes and hope you're all well and healthy. Take care for now. x

[hardyimagines]

Rumors

Drabble. little bit of angst + little bit of fluff

Warnings: mild physical aggression

The icy floorboards welcomed your barefeet as you quietly traipsed across the dust-ridden wooden floor. The ground was warmer than the surrounding room, tense and silent. The fight that had taken place earlier seemed to still linger in the room. The yells echoed throughout your head despite the fact that the only sound taking place was the crackling from the dancing flame in the fireplace as it ate the coals and log tucked away inside the spot.

Alfie was seated on the sofa. He had a blanket draped across his lap, lopsided and crumpled as he laid his forearms on his thighs, fingers pinched around an old novel he’d found a few days ago. The blue-eyed man was pretending to read the words but no matter how many times he tried to absorb the information in front of him, he couldn’t comprehend anything he was reading. He could hear you tiptoeing through the room and toward the kitchen. He knew you were trying to avoid another altercation. The one that had happened earlier hadn’t ended on good terms. His eyes slid to the clock in the corner, it was past midnight, too late for another disagreement anyway. He eyed the oversized necessity as the minute hand ticked by quietly. His observation didn’t last long before he looked back down at his book, fingers lifting to pinch the frame of his glasses so he could adjust them. He kept a close eye on you, peripheral vision trusty and reliable. He caught a final glimpse of you, vanishing through the doorway and into the kitchen.

You just wanted a hot cup of tea. You needed something to relax you, to help lull you to sleep. It was hard when you were left on your own, Alfieless. When the pair of you fought, you were both stubborn, equally refusing to apologize for what had taken place. Sometimes the tension wore away and you went about it as if nothing had happened. Other times, he’d strike up a conversation and apologize without ever having to say those simple words. ‘I’m sorry.’ It was like a weighted phrase to him. You were no better though, just as refusing to say them.

You let a soft sigh fall past your lips as you drew a small mug out of the cabinet and set it on the clean counter. Your fingertips brushed along the handle as you did your best to push the memory of earlier to the farthest corner of your mind. It didn’t work. It was front and center.

Your shoulders were still sore from where he’d unexpectedly pressed you against the nearby wall. It had been a bit rough, too sudden for you to have been able to prepare yourself.

Earlier that day

A sharp gasp fell from your parted lips. The muscles in your back and the bones of your shoulders tightened as you were slammed up against the wall leading to the kitchen. Alfie’s eyes were wild, absent, you didn’t recognize him at all as he held you in place. His grip on your arms was tight, fingers sinking into the warm flesh of your tender skin as he peered down at you.

“What the hell is your problem?” He spat. It was evident your moaning and sighing and need to avoid him throughout the day had finally gotten on his last nerve.

“You.” You shoved at him, an attempt to free yourself from his strong grasp, but he tightened his grip and pushed you back more firmly.

“Me?” He almost laughed. His tone dropped with disbelief. He was the only one of the two of you who had a right to be upset.

“You’ve been rude all day.” You struggled pointlessly in his strong grasp. The curls that hadn’t been long enough to stay tucked away in your tied hair fell in front of your eyes, tickling your cheeks. The strands lifted with your soft breaths. Confidence and bravery shown in those big eyes of yours, but he saw the fear that tagged alongside, cowering behind the seemingly stronger display of emotions. Telling him how you felt could go one of two ways. He’d be understanding and hear you out about why you were so bothered or he’d lash out.

He cocked a brow. He had a lot on his mind, a lot of things had been said to him today. He hadn’t revealed any of that to you yet though. “Right and when was this, pet. You’re the one who’s been stomping around, sighing and moaning and complaining, yeah. I haven’t fucking done anything.” His eyes narrowed, the impatience that radiated off of him seemed to gather in his fingertips, forcing him to press on your arms just a little rougher, trying to pull the words from your throat quicker.

Your jaw clenched, pink lips pressing against each other before a heavy scoff fell from your lips. You winced in the slightest beneath his touch, head tilting back so your chin was turned up at him. “You’ve been rude to me all day long and the second that I return the favor, I’m the bad guy.” With all the strength you could muster, your palms pressed against the front of his chest and you shoved him back as hard as you could. He moved maybe a couple of inches, hands falling from their place on your arms. You dipped around him and made movement to head for the sofa. Leaving wasn’t exactly an option, storming out of the house to aimlessly wonder around. You had nowhere else to stay so fighting with the man you were dating seemed to be the only thing there was to do. “So, maybe you want to be a big boy,” You squinted. “And tell me why you’re acting like such an ass.”

Alfie did chuckle this time. A low, husky sound fell from his lips as he lifted his hand to his chin and pulled lazily at the curls that stuck out of his skin. “Alright.” He barked. He was saving his questions until the end of the night when the two of you were tucked away in bed, but you could feel that something wasn’t right, and he clearly wasn’t being his usual loving self so the talk was going to have to happen now. The boots he wore everyday were dirtier than usual, louder than usual too as he stomped across the room, a trail of dirt following him. He settled in the center of the rug parallel to you. The only thing between your bodies was the dirty coffee table, stained with spilled coffee and food crumbs that he could never seem to clean up. “The lads have shared some.. rather fucking infuriating information, yeah, bit agitating really.” He wasn’t angry just yet, more frustrated than anything. He hadn’t said what needed to be said, but once he did you’d know just how far his anger went.

“Go on.” Your tone was sharp, slightly bored as you leaned back against the cushions, one leg lifting to drape across the other. You laid your hands in your lap, soft eyes moving along his features as you waited for him to spit out some poor excuse that wouldn’t help him out of the situation he’d thrown himself into.

“You’ve apparently been sneaking around with Charlie.” His brows lifted, scruffy facial hair above his lip rubbing against the hair that gathered on his chin as he pulled his lips in. “So ive been told by a few of the fucking lads, right.” His blue eyes seemed much darker beneath the glow of the fire in the corner. As if his emotions could change the color of his orbs. You straightened on the sofa. He could tell you were getting ready to speak. “I’ll let you explain yourself, won’t I, yeah, because I am the type of man to give my girl a chance to defend herself, right, so.” His arms folded over his chest, arms flexing beneath the thin material of his white shirt. “Are you fucking sneaking around?” Alfie growled.

The air in your lungs vanished. A sharp pain formed in your chest, a stinging, agitating feeling that picked and poked at you. “Leave it to you, Alfie, to accuse me of cheating based on what your trusty lads tell you.” Huffing, you pushed yourself up from the sofa. “You’re pathetic. If you honestly believe that I’d ever even think about someone else let alone mess around..” Your tone was growing sharper. Your voice was growing louder. Alfie unfolded his arms, hands pressing against his hips as he stared at you.

“Didn’t say that, now did I, I repeated, right, what they fucking said and am now generously giving you the fucking opportunity to explain yourself.” He suddenly bellowed.

Exasperated, you lifted your hands to your face and rubbed it down. “By asking me for an explanation, you’re siding with them!” Was he really this stupid! You stepped forward, knees grazing the coffee table. “I’m not going to recite the entirety of every conversation I’ve ever had with Charlie. You either trust me, as you’re meant to, or you believe those absolute children!” You almost shrieked. The amount of discomfort in your stomach made you curl your hands in the sides of the fabric, your bottom lip beginning to tremble.

Alfie was in the midst of moistening his lips so he could bite back a response but right when he was conjuring up something smart to spit in your direction, he was pulled back to earlier that day. Reliving the oh so lovely news. The new assistant, Ronald.. his brows furrowed. Maybe it was Donald. He squinted. He couldn’t remember the bloke’s name. He could, however, remember the way that multiple lads poured into the room, all of them joining in with the newbie’s words to rat you out. You were cheating, according to all of them. Alfie had been flustered in his office when the group started to explain what they saw.

Charlie was younger, closer to your age. He was brunette with big, brown eyes that seemed like the color of honey beneath the bright sun’s rays. He was a trusted employee. Not anymore. Today, he would be fired.

Alfie, at first, was settled in his office chair with his legs spread wide and his features calm. He absentmindedly twisted the chain attached to the frame of his glasses, ears straining to hear each of the lads as they told him about when, where, and what you had done with the boy. He could hear the quakes in their voices as they tried their best to maintain their confidence. Revealing something so private to someone who was the least bit understanding was, quite frankly, terrifying.

The low drumming of the rain outside hit the window. It was a soft patter, reeling your attention to it as Alfie stood, faraway. You hoped his memory was treating him well, reminding him of exactly what was said so he could pick at the spewed lies. You weren’t worried. What proof did anybody have? You knew. Nothing. You were faithful, honest, in love with the brute stood on the other side of the table. Part of you felt sick that he would trust someone else’s word over your own, but if you had a group of people swarming you with a confession — a secret, that Alfie had been messing around with another girl.. it would be hard to brush off. You stepped to the side, ready to remove yourself from your trapped position between the table and sofa. Alfie mirrored your footsteps, pulled from his thoughts. Your eyes darted to him and the suddeness of his actions, no longer interested in the raindrop trails that stained the glass in the corner of the room. Alfie’s breaths were slow, he was ready to explain. He took to long to speak. So you did.

“When you’re ready to apologize,” Your tone was no kinder than a few seconds ago, especially not now as he stepped closer. He was intimidating and tall and you didn’t appreciate the way he closed in on you. He cut you off.

“Me? Pet, I ain’t the one behaving like a whore, am I?” He placed his hands on his hips, eyeing you intently. Your every movement was scrutinized, as if you’d fidget or tremble or do something to give away that you were lying.

You stiffened. Was he being serious? Scoffing in disbelief, you lifted your hand and jabbed your palm into the middle of his chest, jaw clenching as you halted him from coming any closer. “What did you just say?” The man looked like a stranger in that moment. Never, in all the time that the two of you had been together, had he ever called you anything similar to what he’d just had the nerve to call you.

“Do you have another name for it?” The man uttered.

“Oh my god. You’re unbelievable!” Your insides churned with disgust. Who was he? You didn’t recognize him in this moment.

“Right, Y/n, I think that’d be you, yeah, seeing as you’re the unfaithful one. Can’t seem to keep your fucking legs closed. You’ve got no right no be upset, lass. You’ve been caught, is that it?” Truth be told, he couldn’t imagine you messing around behind his back. When the two of you had finally got together, it had taken quite a while. He made advances toward you and you did your best to brush them off. It had taken him months to get you to agree to go out with him, you were only hesitant because he was your boss, but the second you caved.. the dates had gone beyond good and your relationship had blossomed into something unbelievable. He couldn’t seem to figure out why four boys would tell him you were screwing one of his employees though if it weren’t true. What was in it for them?

A surge of anger shot through you like a shot of adrenaline. Without any control over yourself, your hand lifted and swung in his direction. You waited for the impact of your palm colliding with his face, but his reflexes were faster than you had initially expected. His hand was tight around your wrist and without any effort at all, he pushed you back so your body fell against the couch. He covered you, like a blanket did on most nights. His hand settled beside your head, eyes glistening with so much anger and betrayal as he stared down at you. You thrashed, hitting at his chest and bucking at him to get off of you.

Cyril stood in the corner. He had been laying down, listening to the pair of you, but when Alfie pushed you down on the couch and you were frantic to get free, he started to bark. His bark was loud, low, a heavy sound that made most people take a few steps back.

“Quiet!” Alfie shouted to the dog, doing his best to keep you still. He wasn’t trying to hurt you, but he wasn’t your punching bag.

“I hate you.” You told him breathily. “I hate you so much.” Your hits were harder, your legs kicked feverishly. He could see your eyes, brewing with salty tears as you did your absolute best to escape his strong grip. “Get off of me, Alfie!”

“Why, so you can try and hit me again?” The room was hot and your throat was tight as he continued to spew venomous and hurtful things in your direction. He’d only ever made you cry, one other time, and it had been when you were tired and sick and wanted him to come home and hold you. He’d insisted he had to work, but the second those tears raced along your warm cheeks, he couldn’t deny you. He’d ended up coming home with you.

“Alfie, please.” Your voice broke. You grew still beneath him, slumped. Your head rolled to the side and your chest lifted with your slow, quiet breaths. “If you really think I’d cheat, then I should go.”

Alfie clenched his jaw. “I want an explanation.”

“I shouldn’t have to explain myself to you, Alfie.” To anyone walking by the small house and peering through the windows that lined the front, the pair of you were probably a sight, Alfie straddling your hips as you slumped beneath him. “If you really think,” Your head rolled forward so you could see him clearly. “I would mess around with someone else then why are you even asking. You should’ve left.”

Alfie exhaled heavily. “I don’t want to believe it. I’m waiting for you to..” He shrugged in the slightest. He’d never been in this position before.

“For me to what, Alfie? Assure you. That’s not my place. If someone is spreading lies about me — that you assume are lies, you should get to the root of them. Did you even ask Charlie?” Sitting up in the best you could, you took this rare, vulnerable moment and pushed him back and off of you. He helped, falling back and landing on the cushions. He eyed you uncertainly, big blue eyes falling to his lap.

“Why would four boys come to me and tell me you was fucking messing around with Charlie, right, if that weren’t the case?” He sighed heavily, hands lifting to cover his face. He rubbed it down tiredly, unsure of what to believe.

“I don’t know Alfie. Why would four boys come to their big, scary boss and tell him something that they think would make him trust them. They’re trying to gain respect by doing right by you. But they’re young, stupid, and they’re doing it the wrong way.” Shaking your head, you stood from the sofa. “And you’re an idiot for even bringing this home. You know, as well as I do, that..” You couldnt finish the sentence. Alfie was all you wanted, all you’d ever want, and he was accusing you of being unfaithful. Your heart hurt. “Think long and hard about what you’re going to say next because if it’s not ‘I’m sorry’ you can save it and I’ll leave on my own accord.” You stepped around the coffee table and slowly left the room. You needed time alone.

12:30 A.M.

The small house smelt strongly of tea. The scent was warm, inviting. It made Alfie’s stomach growl and his mouth water. He was tempted to ask if you’d made enough for two glasses or if there was only enough for you. He didn’t mind making his own, he was just curious if you’d had extra. The man had closed the book a few minutes ago, it was laid face down on his thighs as he slumped against the arm of the sofa. Cyril had quietly followed you into the kitchen long ago, curious to know what you were doing and if you’d give him anything. Alfie inhaled deeply. The fight could only last for so long. He hadn’t said a single word to you since earlier, your last words being that he needed to apologize and that wasn’t easy for him. You knew that, it was exactly why you’d said it.

You were seated at the dining room table. Your feet lazily hung, skimming the tile of the cold floor beneath you as you took your time to sip the hot beverage. You’d built up a tolerance over the years, it wasn’t so hard to drink the drink without wincing. You were impatient, always trying to sip at the scalding liquid before the steam had had a chance to stop lifting from the top. The mug was set on the table, you lazily rotating it as you ran through your endless thoughts. You waited for Alfie, hopeful that he would at least mumble out some pathetic form of an apology. You set your elbow on the table and your cheek in your hand as your droopy eyes fluttered. They were heavy, desperate to close, but the second that you did, you’d be restless.

Neither of you moved for what felt like forever. You’d drift for a few moments, listening to the soft tap of Cyril’s nails against the floor or the clank when you’d lift your mug and set it back down. It was only when the heavy sound of alfies boots filled the room that you looked over your shoulder and toward the door.

He was stood tall, wide. His arms were folded as per usual. He was stern, quiet. The man stepped into the room without so much as a glance in your direction. His footsteps were loud, thumping against the floor as he moved through the room and over to the cabinet. He was going to make his own tea. You watched him closely, taking advantage of the fact that his back was toward you. He couldn’t call you out for staring. You shifted. Why were you anyway? He’d hurt your feelings — more than he probably knew. Directing your stare back to the tea instead, you pursed your lips. You were not going to speak first. You were not going to offer him your drink because you were too sleepy to finish it. You were not going to ask him if he was coming to bed or bring up the topic from earlier. But you didn’t have to.

“Pet.” His voice was low. It was almost inaudible, even in the silent room. Your lashes tickled your eyelids as you lifted your gaze to the man. “Are you awake enough to talk?” The huskiness of his voice soothes you. You wanted to go to sleep so badly, but you couldn’t, not without him. Nodding softly, you let out a soft hum before shuffling in the slightest on the chair. Watching him as he moved from the cabinets to the sink to the stove, your pink lips parted.

“I don’t want to argue though, Alfie. It’s.. I’m so tired.” You confessed.

The man looked in your direction. He was quiet as he observed you. His big, curious eyes slid along your sleepy expression, watching the way you tried to hold your head up by your cheek, steadying it with your palm. Your shoulders were slumped and your body looked heavy. But he knew, just like you did, sleep wouldn’t come so easily.

“I don’t have it in me to shout, yeah? Let’s go in the living room. It’s much warmer.” Lifting his cup of tea, he moved over to the table and lifted yours as well. You stood from the creaky chair, stepping in front of him so the two of you could move into the living room to settle on the sofa in front of the fire. You dropped down first, lifting his book out of the way so you didn’t crush it. Laying it on the coffee table, you waited for him to join you before you lifted the blanket he’d been using and pulled it to yourself. It smelt like him. It was very comforting. The man set the mugs on the table beside the book before looking in your direction.

“Right.. so.” He was quiet, pondering what he should say first. You knew an apology wouldn’t be instant. “I’m sorry for how I acted today.” Your eyes widened at the words. Eyeing him under an inquisitive stare, you drew the blanket up to your chin and eyed him closely. “Shouldn’t have fucking manhandled you and pushed you on the sofa or pinned you to the wall, yeah, that wasn’t fucking fair for me to do, was it?” You were quiet, patient. Surely that wasn’t all he wanted to apologize for. “I’m sorry for accusing you of cheating as well, right, but it is a bit fucking difficult, yeah, to be told something by the lads and then to just ignore it.”

“I didn’t ask you to ignore it, Alfie.” You whispered. “But you could’ve informed me about what was being said, you could’ve asked me about It instead of pinning me to the wall and shouting at me and calling me names.” Your voice was still soft, no anger in your tone now. You wanted to resolve this. “Tell me the Truth..”

“No.” He answer your question before you could ask it. “I didn’t believe them, alright. But put yourself in my shoes, yeah, for a second, right, if multiple people came to you and said they fucking saw me with another woman, what would you do?” His blue eyes slid between yours, searching for the answer. He already knew. You’d lash out like he had.

“Kill her.” You stated nonchalantly. “And then you.” The amusement in your gaze carried over to his as you shuffled. “I understand completely that you had to have had doubts, but Alfie, you shouldn’t have been as rude to me as you were. If I cheated, which I didn’t, then yes, you should’ve been a cunt. But I’ve said maybe a word to Charlie..” Alfie’s eyes shot to you. He didn’t even want to talk about this anymore. He knew you hadn’t done anything with the boy. He just wanted to kiss and make up and then fire the lads who’d lied about you.

Alfie shifted on the sofa before draping his arm across the length of the back. You, without much hesitation, shifted so that your body filled the gap between his side and your own. Crawling along the furniture until your body was pressed firmly against his own, you opened the blanket and draped it over his body before laying your head on his chest. “I’m sorry, pet.” He murmured, fingertips brushing through your soft strands of hair.

“You’re all I want.” You promised him tiredly, arm hooking around his front securely. Drawing him into you, you let your eyes flutter shut.

Alfie was quiet for a few moments, his touch brushing from your hair to roam the length of your arm. He was gentle, his touch was caring. He never wanted to be in a position like this again. It was the most he’d ever felt scared. He’d thought he was going to lose you. “I love you.” He whispered, warm lips meeting the skin of your forehead. He had to lean forward to achieve the soft kiss and after he had, he saw your face. Your eyes were closed and your lips were parted. You were fast asleep against his chest. Your faint breaths tickled the skin of his chest where his shirt was unbuttoned and your hand was curled loosely in the fabric of his shirt, legs curled inward to rest on his lap and body growing heavier and heavier against his the deeper you fell into oblivion. He didn’t blame you. It was late and the second the pair of you had made up, your body let itself give out, thankful for the reassurance.

Alfie moved his attention to the fire before smiling lazily. Reaching for his glasses, his book, and his tea, he left his arm draped around your small body, embracing you as he resumed his reading. He was tired too, but he wanted to savor this moment for a while before it was time to carry you off to bed with him.

———————————————————————

Tagged: @peakblogbecauseimweak @mollybegger-blog @morphoportis @ghost-of-student-sufferings @drippydownes2002 @ellar21 @sovereigngoth @willowick13 @pansexualginger @heyitscam99 @haroldpain @justrepostandlove @emerald-bijou @multireality @innerpaperexpertcloud @goodiesintheclosetlove @giftofdreams @ihclipse @inkedfandom @thatsamegirl @doct0rstrange @jakechillenhaal @shanty-lol @clevertheoristpainter @favouritereadings @badmaax @thephuonganh

@wewillfindourwaythere @uhhhemilyrose @scarrasco1325 @bignastyfan-nz @hot-and-spiceyyy @azayamari @shane-isa-shame @lonewolf471 @crldrr @keeleyella @overitall2018 @lovebitesimagines @eddieisasnack @axxl-rose @slytherintothedeep @lucreziaborgiatheunholyfamily @demoncrypt1066 @phire23 @orphiceseum @advictedtohim @uncreativezx @hp-hogwartsexpress @captainbuckyboobear

[deafeningnightcollection-things]

Hidden Lives ~ Winn Schott

Chapter 3 - Supergirl

"This is the D.E.O., the Department of Extranormal Operations," Hank spoke, turning Kara's attention to him. "We specialize in monitoring and neutralizing otherworldly threats. That means you."

Alex visibly flinched at his choice of words, her masks crumbling by the second. Hank motioned to the door, and Alex tried to help Kara sit up but again Kara shrugged her sister off. The three of them followed Hank to the door and down a long hall to the central room where Kara's pod was kept.

"Your ship." Hank gestured to the object, like a bored tour guide. "And others." He pointed to various ships visible through glass walls and on monitors. Kara's pod was still the only one they had positively identified.

Kara's gaze halted on one of the pods, sleek and slender with a coat of arms on the side. "That's a Daxamite ship." Disgust dripped from her voice.

Lily looked at Alex questioningly, hoping for an explanation. Alex just shrugged, clearly as confused as she was. Kara clearly refused to elaborate, untrusting of the three agents. Alex most of all...

Hank looked nonplussed, seeming unsurprised by her outburst. When it became clear that Kara wouldn't say anything else, he continued.

"We keep your ship here as a reminder of the day you crashed. It was actually you're arrival that showed us the need for this organization."

Kara blinked, speechless. Lily couldn't blame her, it was a lot to take in. Eventually regaining her wits, Kara said, "I don't understand. My cousin was here two dozen years before me."

Hank nodded. "He may have been the first, but you proved that there were more coming. A lot more in your case." Hank pressed a button on the vast array of computers and a photo of a familiar Kryptonian prison popped up. "When your ship escaped the phantom zone, you pulled Fort Rozz with you. Unleashing the worst convicts in the galaxy on Earth." He pressed another button and the mugshots they'd been able to retrieve from the prison's computer popped. "For over a decade they've stayed hidden. But in the last year, many have been emerging, making themselves known. They're planning something. We're just not sure what it is yet."

Kara gasped, the gears grinding in her head before she whirled on Alex. "Your plane! Your plane wasn't an accident. They must've been trying to kill you."

No one spoke. It was an avenue they'd considered. But there wasn't enough evidence, and at the end of the day, it didn't matter. The Fort Rozz escapees would be hunted down, either way, they were too dangerous to be loose on Earth.

"I can help you stop them," Kara was grasping at straws. Pleading for a chance to prove herself. Lily winced, painfully reminded of herself when she'd started at the DEO.

"Maybe—" Lily started, glancing at Hank, but he shut her down instantly.

"How?" He openly scoffed at Kara, "you couldn't even stop us from capturing you."

"I'm...still learning," Kara replied, her voice small.

"Look, Ms. Danvers. Our job is to keep people in the dark about alien life on Earth, and nothing says 'covert operation' like a flying woman in a red skirt."

Kara's temper had clearly been ignited, her next words were much stronger. "They know about my cousin, and they don't fear him." Kara was painfully naive. As Lily and Alex knew there would always be people who hated and feared things that were different.

Hank voiced what neither of them had the heart to say, "Plenty of people do, just not popular to admit it. You wanna help? Go back to getting someone's coffee."

Hank walked away leaving no room for discussion.

Alex immediately began to plead with her sister, "I know you're mad and you're hurt. I wanted to tell you every single day." She held out her hands placatingly trying to stem the coming flood of anger.

Lily moved off in the same direction Hank had, giving them the space they needed. She waited by the transport, just wanting this day to be over already.

Her phone buzzed.

Incoming call from Lena Luthor.

Lily picked up on the first ring. "Hey, Kiera."

Her sister laughed. "I missed that. You know you're the only one who calls me that."

"What can I say? I'm special."

They bantered back and forth lightly for a few minutes before her sister finally said why she was calling.

"I want to rebrand the family company."

Lily's breath hitched, memories of herself and her sister tied up in chairs while Lex wreaked havoc on their city flashed before her eyes.

"Lily?" Lena asked uncertainly.

She didn't answer at first, taking shuddering breaths as she reigned in her emotions.

"Why do you have to ask me? It's your company."

"Lily." Lena sighed. "I know that you don't want anything to do with the company and I don't blame you. But you still own half of it."

After Lex's arrest, with their father dead and their mother in the wind, the company had been divided between the two of them. Lily had promptly fled Metropolis and never come back. Choosing to ignore her newfound responsibility.

"I don't want it." She breathed to her sister, her voice small.

"I knew you'd say that. I had my lawyer draw up the papers to transfer ownership. You can look them over tonight."

Lily nodded. "Yeah. Ok."

"It really was nice talking to you." They'd talked only a few times since Lily had left. Never for very long and never about anything of much substance. This was the first deep conversation they'd had in years. Even if it had gone straight for the kill shot and brought up Lex and the company he'd dragged through the mud.

"You too, Kiera. If you ever take a break from your empire, come visit me." This single conversation had been enough to remind her how much she missed the only family she had left.

"Love you, Kóri." It was automatic, once upon a time, Kiera had said it to her every day. But this was the first time she'd said it since Lionel's funeral.

There was silence on both ends of the line.

"I love you too, Kiera." Lily hung up quickly.

She wiped a tear from her eyes choosing to focus on the happy memories that name generated.

Lily had been only five, but she remembered it clear as day. Lionel had just gotten back from work at his company. He'd pick her up as he came through the front door, swinging her around like a superhero as she giggled madly.

"How is my Kóri today?"

She'd made a face at the unfamiliar word. "Silly, my name is Lily." She had explained with all the seriousness a five-year-old could muster.

Lionel laughed, a great booming laugh that filled the room. "I know. Kóri is an old word, it means daughter. And every time I say it, I'm proud that you're my daughter."

She'd beamed up at him, as he spun her around once more before setting her on the ground.

But a five-year-old's emotions were fickle.

She shook her head petulantly as he set her down. "I don't like old stuff." She'd stuck her tongue out, hating the idea of anything remotely old.

"Is that right?" Lionel crouched down until he was eye level with her. "I guess you don't want your present then. It's really old."

She was scandalized at the thought of being cheated out of a present. "No." She shook her so fiercely that she almost fell over. "Gimme."

He pulled a small gold necklace out of his pocket. It glittered in the light, not looking nearly as old as he'd claimed. She reached out both hands, stretching on her tiptoes trying to grab it.

Lionel held it just out of reach. "What's the magic word?"

Lily pouted and Lionel almost caved. Finally, she said, slightly annoyed, "please."

He set the chain into her hands. It weighed more than she expected and she nearly dropped it. She looked at it with wonder, proud of the shiny object that was now hers.

"Promise me you'll always wear this." She'd been taken aback by his serious tone, even at five she'd sensed something was wrong.

So, she nodded seriously. "I promise."

Lionel smiled. "I love you so much." He kissed her forehead before moving on to his study.

She rubbed the pendant. The familiar grooves of the engraved lettering brought her comfort. "I promise, dad." She murmured, her words echoing across the years.

Alex arrived a few minutes later. Slightly out of breath, as though she'd been shouting. Lily opened her mouth to ask how things went with Kara, but something in Alex's expression made her old off. Besides, it wasn't hard to infer that Kara had been angry.

The ride back to the base in the city was even quieter than the ride coming here. An awkward silence stretched between the three of them.

Lily practically jumped out of the van when it finally parked in the garage. She headed straight for the locker room, not having the energy to change but also not willing to be in the DEO another second.

She stuffed her uniform into her locker, not bothering to fold it like she normally did. She slammed her locker shut. Her forehead rested against it for a moment, and she closed her eyes. Trying not to think of all the things that seemed to be crashing down around her today.

She was bone tired as she walked back home. And it was midnight and she had no patience to revel in the city's sights tonight. She knew the walk from the DEO to her building by heart, so she paid little attention to the sidewalk in front of her until she crashed into something and warm.

A cardigan.

And in that cardigan, Winn.

"Hey." It was all she could think of, the last thing she wanted right now was a conversation. Even with a nice guy, but she couldn't just say nothing after she'd crashed into him headfirst.

"Hi." He replied. He seemed just as distracted as she was. Glancing up and down the street as he spoke. "Great night for a walk isn't it." He rubbed the back of his neck, though it seemed more out of frustration than awkwardness.

She shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I got off work like five minutes ago."

He half-nodded. His gaze wandering again.

"What are you looking for?"

"Just a friend of mine. We were talking and now I can't get ahold of her. She's probably just at her apartment, but I thought I'd check." He waved casually, trying and failing to make it seem like no big deal.

Her stomach knotted, Kara. He's out here looking for her. Her worry was alleviated by the fact that Kara would most likely be home when Winn got there. She tried to keep her face lightly concerned. As though she wasn't one of the people responsible for kidnapping his friend.

"It's nice of you to check on her." She offered, trying to ease a bit of the tension on his face.

He nodded, trying to smile, but it came out forced.

They both moved to walk down the sidewalk in the direction they'd been going before.

"Uh, Winn." She called, making him turn. "Text me when you get home, so I can make sure you weren't killed or anything."

He nodded, a real smile ghosting his lips this time.

A couple of the city sights finally appealed to her as she continued walking. A bit of the crumbling weight she'd been carrying had eased.

She tried to keep awake for Winn's text, just to be sure nothing bad happened, but exhaustion eventually one out and she fell asleep.

———

She rolled out of bed late the next day. The alarm clock on her nightstand sleepily blinking, 10:37. She yawned widely, she happened slept that long in a while. Memories of Lex kept coming to the forefront, turning her nights restless and terror-filled.

She grabbed her phone from the nightstand, pleased to find a message from Winn waiting for her.

Winn: I'm fine, but my ghost would have been happy to join you for coff

Lily smiled at the half-finished last word, sleep had clearly caught up with him as he wrote. It warmed her heart that he'd still written even though he'd been dead tired. She shot a quick response.

Lily: Glad to hear it :)

She moved through the kitchen, taking her time, no need to rush on a Saturday. After turning the coffee maker on, she moved to counter. She sat down and booted up her laptop, prepared to look over the papers Kiera had sent the night before.

An unfamiliar logo greeted her as she pulled up the documents. She smiled at the name her sister had chosen, L-Corp. Getting as far away from the Luthor name as it could, was the best move the company could make.

She scanned the documents, trusting her sister not to throw in any confusing loopholes and crazy legal jargon. Satisfied, she signed the papers electronically, before sending them back. She fired a quick text to Kiera to let her know what she'd done.

Lily: Congrats on being the solo queen of L-Corp. I just sent the papers. I like the name :)

She'd just opened the fridge, her hand inches from the egg carton when there was a knock on the door.

"Coming." She shouted, setting the eggs on the counter. She grabbed sweatpants off the stool and shrugged them on.

"Hi," Alex said awkwardly.

"Hey." Lily had absolutely no idea what to say. Words were generally easy with Alex, but she was on rocky ground at the moment. She let Alex have the first word.

"I won't apologize for being mad, but I shouldn't have hit you, and I'm sorry for that. I...get it now. When I talked to Kara last night. We keep all these secrets in the name of our job, and sometimes people get hurt. You did it to me and I did it to Kara. I know you didn't do it to hurt me." Alex shifted uncertainly as she finished. Not sure what to do now that she'd finished.

"I was about to make pancakes." Lily opened the door wider, unspokenly inviting her friend inside.

"And cinnamon rolls?" Alex asked, her face lighting up.

Lily nodded and they both smiled. The awkwardness quickly dissipating as Alex stepped inside.

"I'll even let you use my blender to make your nasty vitamin drink." Alex laughed at her words. Now that Alex had tossed Lily a line, the words came much easier. Soon they were wrapped in conversation like nothing had changed.

"So tell me more about this cute guy you met the other day," Alex said. Reaching around Lily to steal a strawberry that she had chopped for the pancakes.

Lily smacked her hand away, no one got between her and strawberry pancakes. "There's not much to tell really. I ran into him again last night, we talked again. It was nice." Lily shrugged. About to skate around the how of her meeting with Winn, but she stopped. No more secrets.

"There's something I should tell you." Alex nodded, miraculously holding another strawberry. Lily rolled her eyes. "His name is Winn, and I met him because I was doing a threat assessment on Supergirl's allies." The name felt odd rolling off her tongue, Supergirl. Catco had coined the name that morning, other news stations jumping on the bandwagon. It suited her though, Alex clearly agreed, as she smiled at the word.

"So on your first meeting with prince charming, you lied your socks off?"

"Shut up." Lily brandished the chopping knife threateningly, but Alex only laughed. "How was I supposed to know he'd be so cute?"

"Stop it," Lily reprimanded, Alex had sneakily reached for another strawberry. "Keep that up and I won't make you cinnamon rolls."

Alex gasped, "you wouldn't dare."

"Then keep your hands off my strawberries." Lily moved the bowl to the far side of the corner before turning away to grab a skillet for the pancakes. "Go make your smoothie." Alex's hand paused inches away from the strawberry bowl and she pouted before sliding off the barstool.

"Fine, fine." Alex raised her hands in defeat. "Do you even have vegetables in this apartment?"

"I do." Lily looked offended. Alex rolled her eyes.

Alex opened the fridge, reaching for the plastic container with her name on it. Lily kept it there for Alex's smoothies like Alex kept a jar of coffee for Lily in her fridge.

Lily flicked on the radio and soon they were both jamming out as the small kitchen filled with the smells of breakfast.

[ashtheshortstack]

take my scars & make them stars - ch 9

Rating: M Ship: Kristoff/Anna Chapter Nine

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Sick Fic, Cancer Fic, Chronic Illness, Chemotherapy, Modern AU, Coffee Shop AU, Fluff and Angst, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Angst with a happy ending, Mutual Pining, Mentions of Character Death

Read on Ao3

Previous Chapter/Next Chapter

Leaving the hospital the next morning was a relief for Anna. Thankfully, she had Kristoff and Elsa by her side as she left through the double doors. She felt much better than she did a few days ago. And she knew she had to be careful with her health. Just because her journey here was coming to an end, didn’t mean Anna could get ahead of herself. 

As she walked, she glanced back at the building behind her. The next time she came here… it’d be her last chemo treatment. It’d be the last time she had to be hooked up to that I.V. Finally, she could be free of this horrid disease. 

Despite it all, however…. she was grateful. If not for her cancer, she may have never met Kristoff. Elsa may have never discovered Arendelle Roasts, she may have never dragged Anna out of her pouty stupor that day. She would’ve stayed with Hans… being cheated on and taken advantage of. Being used for her family’s money. 

As ironic as it seemed, cancer made Anna start living. Lead her to love. Brought her sister back to her. Life could be much more than Anna ever realized. Maybe things really did happen for a reason. 

Reaching over, she grabbed Kristoff’s hand, leaning against his arm. The blond glanced down at her, lips twitching into a smile. 

Elsa gazed at them soft, a smile on her own lips. Anna couldn’t help but reached and grab her sister’s palm with her free hand. 

“Thank you both…” Anna murmured. “For being here.” 

Kristoff’s chuckle made him turn to her. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” 

Anna felt her cheeks heat. “Do you wanna go on a date?” she blurted. 

Blinking, he glanced between her and Elsa--who was laughing behind her hand--before nodding. “Uh, sure. When?” 

“This weekend?” 

He smiled. “Yeah, I can do that. Just, ya know, work. I’ll have to look at my schedule.” 

Humming, she grinned. “Great! Until then… you could come home with us?” 

“Uh…” he looked back at Elsa. “I wouldn’t want to intrude. You should probably rest, right?” 

Elsa laughed. “Oh, you’re fine. As if you’d be intruding… we have plenty of room. I’m sure Gerda wouldn’t mind having you for lunch.” 

He seemed to accept that answer as the three of them meandered through the parking lot. When they reached Elsa’s sports car, she was shocked to see Sven’s head poking out of the open window in the back seat. Anna released their hands, running over to the pooch. “Sven!” she grabbed his face, rubbing him behind the ears. 

Stunned, she glanced over at her sister. “ You let a dog in your car?” 

“Sven is… clean enough.” 

Kristoff snorted at that. 

When they piled into the car, Kristoff sat behind her. Anna kept glancing back at him as he gave Sven affectionate pats. She hoped he hadn’t noticed, but apparently he did when his palm planted onto her crown. He ran his fingers through the short strands that were slowly growing back. 

“Your hair is a pretty color,” he murmured. 

Anna felt her cheeks flush as she clutched her seatbelt. “Th-Thanks.” 

He smiled. 

Kristoff was going to make her heart explode, wasn’t he? 

  When they reached the mansion, Anna was relieved to be back home. Sure, she’d only stayed in the hospital for a little over a day… but she was still drained from the emotional turmoil she’d been through. 

Had she reacted justly? Maybe yes or maybe no. She wasn’t sold that she was in the right. But she didn’t think she was exactly wrong either. Anna and Kristoff both made mistakes in how they handled the matter. And honestly, she shouldn’t have been snooping in the first place. Kristoff should’ve told her sooner, but it wasn’t fair of Anna to take away his chance. Discovering on her own wasn’t ideal. And yelling at him afterwards wasn’t either, of course. 

But in retrospect… she was happy she knew. There was another layer of Kristoff she now understood. She understood why he hadn’t wanted to bring her around his family yet. Why he got so happy when she liked sunflowers. Why he knew so much about chemo. Why he accepted her as she was. 

Because he knew. He’d been there before. He’d been through this… he watched someone he loved lose this battle. And yet, he was willing to go through it all again for her. For Anna. And she couldn’t even begin to understand why he would. And why he picked her of all people. Why he saw her and thought so highly of her appearance. Kristoff may have noticed her because she had cancer… but he also noticed more about Anna than she’d ever noticed herself. 

He genuinely made her feel beautiful. When he spoke about much he cared about her, there was no sign he was trying to deceive her. Kristoff had done so much for her already. Seeing him there for her in the hospital the night before meant so much to her. His apology meant so much to her. Anna knew she was lucky to find Kristoff. And despite their argument, despite his mistake and her own, she knew that he meant well. That he cared for her. There was nothing that he could do to make her think otherwise now. 

When they entered the living room, Sven was bouncing happily at the couch. Anna was confused, tilting her head. Then suddenly… there was another bark. A different bark. Blinking, she looked back at Kristoff and Elsa behind her who were both feigning innocence as if they had no idea what was going on. 

“What’s that?” she asked, eyeing both of them. 

Elsa shrugged. “Why don’t you go look?” 

Hesitant, Anna tiptoed over towards the couch where Sven barked happily, tail wagging. Sitting on the couch was a small, snow white pomeranian yapping gleefully back at Sven. The little fluff ball looked up at Anna, curly tail swiping at the sight of her. 

“Awww!” Anna cooed aloud before picking up the small pup. “Kristoff, did you get Sven a friend?” 

Kristoff chuckled, rubbing at his nape. “Actually… he’s yours.” 

Blinking, she flicked her gaze to Elsa. “Are you serious?” 

With a smile, her sister nodded. “Yes. He’s yours.” 

Anna squealed, bouncing up and down with the puppy in her arms. It lapped at her cheek and barked happily again. Kristoff strode over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, calm down. You shouldn’t push yourself.” 

“Olaf!” 

“What?” 

Anna beamed. “His name is Olaf.” 

Chuckling, he shook his head. “Olaf it is then.” 

  Lunch went rather well. Gerda asked Kristoff the standard questions about his life in general, most of which Anna already knew. About him being adopted and having a big family. About him going to the Adrendelle public school. When Pepper was brought up, he spoke quietly, timidly--as if he were afraid to bring her up considering the recent events. But Anna did her best to engage in the conversation. It made Kristoff much more comfortable. 

Eventually, the pair of them ended up in her room. And all Anna could think about was the fact that this is where she had cried and kissed him for the first time. The thought sent her heart fluttering. 

However, when she found herself cuddled up in his lap like the night before, she was entirely satisfied. Hummsing, she sunk into his embrace as Kristoff rubbed smoothed circles on her back. 

“Hey,” she muttered, glancing up at him. 

Kristoff smiled down at her. “Hey yourself.” 

Snorting, she shook her head. “I--I’m glad you’re here.” 

“Me too,” he pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

“I’m… I’m really sorry about, just, everything. I know we’ve already been through this. But I just want you to know that I really am sorry. And I didn’t mean to--I dunno… I didn’t mean to project all of my previous issues onto you, ya know?” 

He nodded, petting her head softly. “You’re fine, Anna. I don’t blame you. I’m the one who’s sorry.” 

“You were trying to protect me. I understand why--” 

“Hey, c’mon… Let’s not just talk in circles, okay? You don’t have to keep worrying about it. We’re okay.” There was a beat of silence as he glanced away. “I’m not your parents, Anna,” her breath hitched at those words, her body stiffening against him as he squeezed her tighter. “I’m always going to want you. I…” he trailed off, glancing away. 

Anna couldn’t help it. She sat up in his arms, placing her hands flat on her chest. “You what?” 

Seeing him gulp only made her more nervous. Kristoff sucked in a breath before gazing at her. “I love you, Anna. I really do. A-And I know with what’s happened between us you may not be ready to say it back. O-Or at all. You may not feel what I feel, but you deserve to know. I… I love you.” 

Clutching his chest, she pulled him in for a kiss. Kristoff seemed a bit caught off guard but relaxed under her touch, cupping her cheek in his palm. Anna felt the wetness pouring down her cheeks and apparently Kristoff did too as he brushed her tears away with his thumbs. 

She pressed her forehead to his. “Thank you, Kristoff. For being here. F-For loving me. For everything…” 

“Of course,” his nose brushed hers. “You’ll always have me.”

[ofsinnersandsaints]

palate cleanser (aka rebound sex)

rating: E total word count: 5596 one shot

Raven divorces her cheating husband, and after everything is finalized, she fucks her divorce attorney who is none other than John Murphy.

AO3

Raven hated that she was here, that she had to do this at all, but after finding out her husband of eight years was cheating on her, what else was she supposed to do? He’d begged her to stay, to work it out, telling her over and over how he was willing to fight for them.

She’d almost been convinced by that until she remembered he was the reason all of this had happened in the first place. If he’d really wanted to fight for them, he wouldn’t have given into temptation and broken his marriage vows.

Jesus, he’d signed a fucking rental lease with his girlfriend and now he wanted to fight for their marriage?

Bullshit.

Feeling more certain about her decision she texted Bellamy to let him know she was there. He was the one who had recommended the lawyer she was about to see, they’d apparently gone to school together and Bellamy said he was the guy to go to.

I’M HERE. JUST WAITING. ANYTHING I NEED TO KNOW BEFORE I MEET HIM?

BELLAMY: HE CAN BE AN ASSHOLE, BUT SOMETIMES IT’S GOOD TO HAVE AN ASSHOLE IN YOUR CORNER

Raven smiled as she typed out a response.

THAT’S WHAT I TELL PEOPLE ABOUT YOU!!

He sent back an emoji rolling it’s eyes and Raven was plotting a response when the receptionist called from her desk. “Mr. Murphy will see you now.”

Grabbing her jacket and big purse she walked down the short hallway to the door which said MURPHY on the frost glass, but before she could knock it opened. The man in front of her was a few inches taller than her, his posture relaxed, but his eyes were serious. For some reason when she looked at him, she thought of a 1950s greaser in a leather jacket and combat boots lounging in a booth diner.

“Raven Collins?”

She nodded and took his offered hand before he gestured for her to come into his office. “Bellamy told me you were looking to get divorced, is that right?”

Divorced, what an awful word, but she nodded again and finally found her voice. “Yes. Do you do a lot of them?”

“Enough of them,” he answered as he settled at the little table in the corner rather than his desk. Grateful, because it made the entire thing feel less formal, Raven sat across from him. “I’m a jack of all trades type of lawyer. I do a little bit of everything. What’s the reason for the divorce?”

“Infidelity.”

He nodded, but she was pretty sure she heard him mutter ‘ass’ under his breath as he made a note on his legal pad. She’d always pictures lawyers as cold and heartless, maybe a little formal, but she wasn’t getting any of those vibes from him. She wondered how long it would take for him to be an asshole.

“How long were you together?”

“Fifteen years, but we were only married for eight.”

“You meet him when you were twelve?” he joked.

“Eleven, actually.” He’d been the only person in her world for years, and Raven was just now beginning to understand how bad that was. “We married when we were eighteen. I worked, I’m a mechanic.”

“That’s hot.” The observation was so casually tossed out Raven almost missed, and he was grinning at her when she met his gaze. “That’s not professional to say.”

Okay, that was a little assholey because it wasn’t an apology, but Raven decided she wasn’t offended. Whoever this man, he didn’t appear to be the kind who kept his thoughts to himself which was refreshing after years of trying to understand Finn. “He went to college, I helped pay for some of it, and now he’s a strategist for a politician.”

She didn’t know why she was telling him this, he didn’t ask. He probably didn’t need to know her life story in order to get divorced but she was feeling particularly vulnerable and he was nearby. It probably wasn’t the first he’d had someone dump emotional baggage on him.

“Wife in town, girlfriend in DC?” he guessed.

Raven hated how easy it was for him to figure out what had taken her years. “Yes.”

He nodded and leaned back in his seat, resting his hands on his stomach as he watched her. “How badly do you want me to kick his ass?”

The question was enough of a surprise she blinked at him. “What?”

“There’s a more polite way to word the question, but you don’t seem the type to want to tiptoe around.”

“No,” at least she wasn’t anymore.

“What’s the endgame you’re looking for,” he asked. “After you file for divorced do you want to split everything down the middle and call it good? Or would you rather do whatever you have to do in order to get it done quickly? Or do you want to squeeze his balls until he calls uncle?”

“I don’t know, to be honest,” Raven said even as she laughed at the image. “I didn’t know squeezing his balls was an option.”

“It is.” He pushed his notepad to the side. “You paid for him to go to college, and now he’s what, spending the money on his girlfriend? That’s a dick move. If you want to get out quick, I get it, and we can make that happen, but if you want something else let me know.”

“I want my own shop,” she told him, shocking herself.

That had been her private dream, something she had mentioned to Finn only once or twice, something she hadn’t even told Bellamy about. And yet for some reason she was telling a complete stranger.

“Your own shop?” he repeated, making more notes. “You mean your own mechanic’s shop.”

“Yes,” she answered because he had taken the admission in stride, hadn’t looked surprised or wary of a woman owning her own place. Raven was beginning to wonder if anything phased him. “I was hoping once Finn, my husband, got a job we could start paying down some of the student loans so I’d be able to start my own place. It never happened.”

“How much does he make?”

“A lot.”

He nodded and made a note. “Do you have financial information?”

When she’d made the appointment she’d asked what she should bring and they’d basically said everything you’ve ever done during your marriage so she pulled out the manilla envelope from her massive purse and handed it to him. “Yes.”

“Prepared, I approve.” He took the package and leaned back to drop it on his desk, then leaned back in his chair to grab a business card. “And I’ll get started on the papers. What address would be the best place to serve him at?”

She knew the address of his apartment in DC, the one he’d shared with his girlfriend, but she didn’t know if he was still staying there. She wondered what he’d tell his colleagues about the divorce. If even told them about it at all. “Can you serve him at his job?”

He laughed so hard Raven was a little worried he was going to fall out of his chair. “Hell yes, I can. I think we’re going to get along just fine Mrs. Collins.”

“Reyes,” she corrected, knowing she was going to go back to maiden name the moment she could. “It’s Reyes.”

Murphy smiled like he understood, leaning forward with his hand out. “Nice to meet you, Raven Reyes.”

Murphy was walking through the bar on his way out when he spotted Raven sitting by herself at the one of the high tables. She was wearing a simple black dress and her hair was down, which he’d never seen before, and before he realized what he was doing he was walking towards  her. “Raven.”

She looked up, a bright smile covering her face when she recognized him, and immediately Raven got off the chair and reached out to hug him. “What are you doing out on a school night?”

The casual affection surprised him, set him a little off balance, but he’d made a career out of pretending to be unaffected. “Job offer,” he answered.

“Are you heading out? Do you want a drink?” she gestured to the chair next to hers and without thinking too closely about why, he sat. “What kind of job offer?”

Murphy grabbed a waitress and put in an order for a beer before turning back to Raven. Her hair was much longer than he’d realized, nearly touching her lap as she sat next to him. Combined with the glossy lips and hint of cleavage, she was drop dead gorgeous. “There’s a firm here in town who wants me to join up.”

“Are you going to accept the offer?”

He thanked the waitress when she dropped the glass and bottle at the table, but he drank straight from the bottle. “Nope. I like being my own boss, and I have a problem with authority, so I’d likely just get myself fired. But it was nice to be asked.”

She laughed and lifted her martini to her lips.

“Are you out celebrating?”

“First chance to toast the divorce,” she explained. “I was working my ass off last week and was too tired.”

Murphy looked around the bar. “Are you here with anyone?”

“Nope,” she popped the ‘p’ as she answered. “I don’t have a lot of friends anymore. Bellamy would have come out, but he hasn’t been able to get away from work.”

“That’s depressing, Reyes.”

She grinned, as she always did, when he called her by her maiden name. “I’m aware, but I have mozzarella sticks coming so it’ll be less depressing then.”

“Got any plans for your settlement money?”

He’d managed to get more than enough from the cheating son-of-a-bitch to set Raven up for years. Instead of Finn paying back the money Raven had spent while he’d been going to school, Murphy had convinced him to pay the attorney fees, and then a large lump sum which was big enough to make her ex blanche.

“I’m still thinking about the shop,” she admitted. “There’s a place not far from here, it’s a good spot, good space. Wouldn’t take much work to get it up and running.”

“What are you going to call it?”

“I don’t know, Reyes?” she shrugged. “There’s no reason to get fancy about it.”

The food came then and Raven pushed the plate between them. “I know you just had dinner, but have at these if you want.”

Murphy ate one and could feel Raven’s eyes on him the entire time. “I know I’m sexy, Reyes, but the staring isn’t exactly subtle.”

“Is our professional relationship over?”

It wasn’t the question he’d been expecting but he nodded. “Yeah. Finn’s in charge of paying me, and you’re officially divorced, so my part is done. Why?”

She bit her lip which was distracting. “I came here to pick up someone.”

Every rational thought he’d ever had, and granted there weren’t a lot to begin with, disappeared as she made the admission. “Oh.”

“Finn was the only person I’d ever been with,” she admitted, meeting his gaze. “And – I can stop oversharing.”

He absolutely did not want her to stop because he had a pretty good idea what was coming at the end of the conversation and he desperately wanted to get there. “We don’t have attorney-client privilege,” he managed to get out. “But if you’re about to tell me about your sex life, you can’t just leave me hanging like that.”

She smirked and took another drink from her glass. “Sex with Finn was okay, and I thought our relationship was good enough the rest didn’t matter.”

“But you’re starting to think it matters,” and if he was half hard already, no one would be able notice from where he was sitting.

Raven nodded. “At the vey least I want a palate cleanser.”

Murphy put his arms on the table and leaned forward, keeping his voice down so anyone walking by wouldn’t be able to hear him. “Raven, if this conversation isn’t going to end with you asking me to fuck you, please tell me now. I’d rather disappoint my dick sooner rather than later.”

She rubbed her lips together and nodded. “That’s where this was going, yeah.”

He reached into his back pocket and dropped way too much money on the table; he’d been a waiter while getting through school, he knew how much it sucked. “Your place or mine?”

“Yours,” she answered, sliding off the chair. “Are you good to drive?”

“I didn’t drink at dinner and didn’t finish the beer,” he assured her, putting his hand low on her back to guide her out of the restaurant. “Did you drive?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I wasn’t sure how much alcohol it was going to take to get up the nerve to hit on someone.”

He stopped walking and studied her. “You’re not drunk, are you?”

“Just the one drink, and it takes a hell of a lot more than that to get me drunk.”

Satisfied he walked with her to the parking lot and stopped at his car, unlocking it as soon as he was close enough. “This is me,” and since she was already opening her door he wasn’t going to push her out of the way just for chivalry points.

“Did you have anything in particular in mind?” he asked as he started the engine.

“In mind?” she asked he pulled onto the street.

“For the fucking,” he reminded her and blatantly put his hand so high up on her thigh the only thing keeping him from cupping her was the stretch of the dress across her lap. “I’d hate for you to be disappointed.”

Her gaze was staring at his hand, but he didn’t do anything more. He wasn’t sure if she was skittish or just nervous, but he didn’t want to push it. Not yet anyway.

“I don’t know.”

“Come on,” he encouraged. “You’ve got to have had some fantasies. I’ll go first, my favorite thing to get off to is fucking someone in my office.”

She turned to look at him, and he couldn’t tell because it was too dark in the car, but he was pretty sure she was turned on. Something about the air between them had changed, electrified. “Your office?”

“Yeah, someone comes to bring me lunch and it turns out she’s not wearing any underwear and just came over for a quickie on the desk.” He lowered his voice as they came to a stoplight, “You have to be quiet, you know? Because there’s other people around you don’t want to get caught.”

The streetlights let him see her swallow and nod. “I always wanted to get fucked from behind.”

He was immediately hard as stone but tried keep his voice casual as he drove towards his apartment. “Dickwad wouldn’t do it?”

“Once, but he said he didn’t like it.”

“It’s an ego thing,” Murphy scoffed, because he’d met the man who was dumb enough to lose Raven Reyes. “If you’re not looking at his pretty face than you might forget who’s inside you. But don’t worry, you won’t forget who’s fucking you. I talk a lot.”

“Dirty talk?”

“Filthy talk,” he corrected with a grin. “There’s a subtle, but important difference.”

Raven shifted on the seat, her hand moving his until it was just under the hem of her dress. A wave arousal hit him so hard he nearly groaned. “Give me an example.”

“Dirty talk is like ‘I’m going fuck you with my fingers until you’re desperate to come,’” he explained, his finger twitching against the bare skin of her thigh. “Filthy talk is more ‘I’m going to bury my fingers in your wet pussy until my hand is soaked and you’re begging to come and then you’re going to lick your arousal off me so you know how good you taste.”

She was breathing hard, her hips moving so slightly he wouldn’t know except for the hand he had on her. “You’re right, there’s a difference.”

“Are you wet, Reyes?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

Raven was almost unbearably aroused by the time Murphy opened the door to his apartment. After he’d asked her if she was wet they’d spent the rest of the car ride in silence, but his hand has been an ever present weight on her thigh. It was a tease, a promise, and it would have been entirely to dangerous for him to finger him while he drove, but she’d nearly broken and asked him to touch her.

“Want anything to drink?” he asked as he tossed his keys in the general direction of his couch.

“No.”

He turned to face her, “Nervous?”

Raven thought about the question seriously and was surprised to find she wasn’t. “No.”

“Raven Reyes,” he grinned with a shake of his head. “You’re a badass.”

“Thank you.”

“When was the last time you had an orgasm?”

“Last week.”

He snorted. “When was the last time you had an orgasm that made your toes curl?”

“A while,” she admitted.

“The original plan was to bring you here, bend you over the kitchen table and immediately fuck you senseless.” She liked how calm and casual he was about all this, like they’d been planning on eating in but he’d changed his mind at the last minute. He put his hands in his pockets and watched her. “But I have a feeling you’ve got a hell of a lot of need bottled up inside that amazing body of yours.”

Raven shrugged. She’d been honest with him earlier when she’d said sex with Finn had always been fine, but the kind of wild and rough sex he was talking about was something they’d never come close to. She was beginning to suspect there was a deep well of desire in her she’d never even touched, but she’d bet her divorce money Murphy would be able to find the bottom.

“You’re probably right.”

“Come here,” and it should have sounded like an order but instead it reached her ears like a suggestion, a seduction, and Raven pictured herself as the fly being lured into a web. She moved towards him, but he didn’t kiss her like she’d been expecting, instead he ran his hands over every part of her body. Down her back, over her ass, the briefest caress over her breasts.

“I’m not going to lie, I pictured fucking you in my office.”

She was surprised. She’d always been weirdly attracted to him, like the high schooler in her recognized had a former bad boy, but she hadn’t been aware the attraction and been reciprocated. “You did?”

His hand slid up between her thighs. “A couple of times. After you came by to finalize everything I went home and pictured you on your knees, but that’s a pretty basic male fantasy.”

“Do you want me to-“ she started but he was already shaking his head.

“You’re here to get fucked, Reyes, that’s the priority.”

Murphy reached under her dress and pulled down her underwear and she was just a little irritated because those had been expensive and sexy and he hadn’t even seen her in them. Then his hand was between her legs again the irritation melted away.

“I can’t wait to see my cock sliding into your pussy,” he told her and while she’d never pictured herself as the type to enjoy filthy talk, Murphy was quickly bringing her over to his side of thinking. The images his words conjured were enough to make her squirm. “But I want to see what you look like when come.”

She felt a finger brush against her and Raven swayed on her heels. “Let me take my shoes off.”

He didn’t move his hand so as she shifted to kick off her heels the contact moved and changed in unexpected ways.

“You’re soaked, Reyes,” he murmured against her temple, the tip of his finger finding the slit of her folds and shifting so gently and slowly it barely counted as moving. “Is all this just for me, or would you get this wet for anyone?”

Raven reached up to hold onto his shoulders, not trusting her balance. “Just for you.”

As if rewarding her for the answer he increased the pressure of his finger, sliding through the slickness and circling her entrance but going nowhere near her clit which was now needy for him. “You’re going to come so quickly, aren’t you? You’re not even going to make me work for it.”

Desperate to get more contact Raven reached behind her and slid the zipper down so she could push the fabric down to her hips. His finger paused for just a moment as he looked her breasts, barely encased in a nearly see-through lace bra.

“Fuck,” he murmured as he reached up to roughly touch her. His hand covered her, kneading the flesh, pinching the nipple. “Take it off, I want to see you.”

“Give me a finger,” she negotiated.

His grin was quick and sharp, full of amusement and hunger. “Fair is fair.”

The intrusion was slow and welcomed, her inner muscles instinctively trying to clench around him. It wasn’t enough, but it was more than she’d had in months, so she unhooked the bra and dropped in on a nearby chair.

“I’ve been wondering for weeks what color your nipples are,” he told her, and now that there wasn’t anything separating his hand from her body, the contact was nearly electric. The nail of his thumb scraped against the hard bud, and while she didn’t understand his fascination, she enjoyed knowing he’d fantasized about her too. “You’re gorgeous.”

When she reached for his shirt he shook his head. “In order to this off I’d have to move my hand and I’m not doing that until you come. How many fingers can your pussy take?”

She didn’t think that was a question which actually required an answer so she simply reached beneath his shirt to press her palms against his back. His skin was impossibly hot beneath her touch.

Murphy leaned forward and took one of her nipples into his mouth the same instant his finger began to move inside her.

All train of thought was lost.

She moved against him, but her rhythm was erratic because he wasn’t matching his movements. He’d lick her nipple and then drive his finger deep into her, but never at the same time. It was a constant stream of stimulation with the background of his voice telling her all the things he wanted to do to her.

“That’s right, Reyes, fuck my hand.”

“Another finger,” she told him. “I need more.”

She’d barely finished the sentence before two fingers began to slightly stretch her. Since she’d found out about Finn cheating on her she’d taken solace with her vibrator, but the little thing was meant just for clitoris stimulation. It had been a while since anything, or anyone, had been insider her.

When he pulled out and then slid back in again she didn’t hold back the moan.

“Fuck, that was hot,” he muttered half a second before he kissed her.

The contact was a shock, which Raven realized was ridiculous because he was literally finger fucking her, a kiss should hardly feel more intimate. His lips were dry and insistent, his tongue a warm pressure against the seam of her mouth.

She opened for him, the sweep of his tongue a demanding thing and she responded in kind. It was a sexy, sloppy kiss, and Raven wondered how he managed to do so many things to her at once. His fingers drove her closer to orgasm even as his mouth plundered.

“Another one,” he asked against her mouth and she nodded.

Murphy tugged at her dress, pulling it up so the entire thing was above her hips. “I want to see it,” he told her, and his voice sounded as wrecked as she felt. “Let me hear you, Reyes.”

Raven could feel his fingers sliding out of her, her fingers gripping so tight on his shoulders she wondered if she might leave bruises behind. Then three of his fingers were pushing in her and she gasped at the feel of them.

“You good,” he asked, voice tight as he dragged his eyes away from her pussy to her face. She kissed him and then nodded.

“It’ll be better when it’s your cock.”

His eyes went blazing hot, his fingers filling her so quickly and roughly she nearly came right then. “Oh my, God.”

“You’re so close,” he encouraged. “Another night, I might drag it out, make you so needy you forget how to talk but I need to be pounding into before I come in my slacks. If you come, Reyes, we both get what we want.”

Raven nodded but she needed more, “My clit.”

He wrapped his arm around her waist to keep her upright. “Do it yourself, I want to watch you touch yourself while you get off on my fingers.”

She moved her own hand between them, her fingers brushing against his wrist. When she touched her clit her whole body jerked at the pressure, “Oh my god.”

“That’s it, don’t be gentle.”

His fingers continued to pump into her as she pressed against the hard nub of her arousal, and her orgasm was like a tsunami, crashing into her with almost nowhere.

“Fuck,” she yelled as her entire body went tight with the force of the climax.

Murphy’s hand shined from Raven’s arousal, and while he’d told her in the car she’d lick it off of him, he knew he didn’t have that kind of time. Desperate need clawed inside, so raw and primal it felt like drowning; he needed to be inside her or he’d die.

He pushed the dress off her body and turned her around to face the kitchen table. “Bend over,” he ordered, as if he had any control over what was happening. When she put her elbows on the wood, her ass stuck out and the only reason he didn’t come right then was because he wanted to be inside her.

Stubbornness had always been his strong suit.

“Don’t move, I’m getting a condom.”

“My bra,” she said, her voice cracked. “I had a condom in my bra.”

Looking down he found the foil pack on the ground near his feet and tore it open carefully. Not wanting to waste any time, he pulled his cock out of his pants and left the rest of his clothes intact. Once the condom was on, he used the slickness on his hand to lube it. “Ready?”

“Yes.”

It was the only word he needed to hear.

Murphy stepped up behind her, put one hand on her hip and used the other to guide his erection to her entrance. “I’m going to try and give you another orgasm,” he promised. “But I’m so fucking turned on I don’t know how long I’ll last.”

“It’s fine,” she assured him, her hips moving back.

He moved the hair from her back so he could kiss the place at the base of her neck. “Do you mind if I pull on your hair?”

Murphy waited while she thought about it. “If I change my mind?”

“Just say stop,” he assured her, trying to remain just a little bit sane with the tip of his cock between the folds of her vagina. “That’s goes for everything.”

She nodded again and he ran his fingers down her spine so he could grip her hips with both hands. “Rough, right?”

“Don’t hold back.”

Taking her at her word he took a deep breath and buried himself to the hilt in one thrust.

She let out a strangled cry and he was about to check in with her when she moved back, pressing her ass into his crotch. “I don’t think you have to worry about me not coming again,” she managed to get out between unsteady breaths. “I’m so fucking close already.”

He could feel the muscles surrounding his cock flutter.

“Do you feel that? Feel how deep I am in your pussy?” he asked, rotating his hips to go just a little deeper. “Fuck, you feel good around my cock. So hot and wet, your pretty ass just begging to spanked.”

“Do that, and I’ll cut off your dick.”

He laughed but took the warning seriously.

Murphy pulled back and slammed into her again, the gasp of shock and arousal from Raven enough to spur him on. He fucked her over and over, the speed so quick and desperate Raven stopped trying to meet his thrusts and just took it.

In the car he’d bragged about being a filthy talker, but nothing he said could be as erotic and raunchy as Raven bent over the kitchen table taking his cock like they’d been born to fuck just like this.

He shifted her hips, pulling them up a little so she nearly on her toes and this time when he drove into her, he found her g-spot. “Fuck, fuck. Do that again, Murphy, I’ve never felt anything like that.”

Murphy repeated the action and she nearly screamed; the kitchen table moved with the force of their joining, but Raven didn’t appear to notice as she asked, “Didn’t you say something about my hair?”

She was flat on stomach now, and he hoped she wasn’t getting burns on her skin from the friction. He wanted to give her dick, not be a dick.

“Decided you were into it, huh?” He wrapped the long strands of her hair around his fist as he teased her. Murphy pulled her hair just a little until her torso was off the table. “I should have fucked you in front of a mirror.”

“I didn’t even think of that,” she admitted.

“I’d get to see your tits while I fucked you, your face while you come. You’d see how fucking hot you are while I drive into you from behind.”

“Fuck, Murphy. I’m close.”

So was he. Honestly, he should get a fucking metal for not having completely blown his wad by now.

He reached below the table, finding her clit with his hand. The movement forced Raven’s head back, her hair still held in his fist, her back arched and he was truly regretting the lack of a mirror.

His fingers pressed against her clit where he kept his strokes short and rough as he pleasured her to edge.

“There,” she moaned. “Fucking shit, you’re good at this.”

“I was inspired,” he told her honestly. He almost pulled out completely out, timed it so when he thrust in all the way he was pinching her clit at the same time.

“Fuck!” she nearly screamed, her entire body shaking with the force of the orgasm.

She was clenched so tightly around him he could barely move inside her, but he didn’t need much more incentive to come. Raven’s tight pussy was pulsing around him and a few seconds later he exploded inside her.

The orgasm was the strongest one he’d ever experienced and felt never ending.

When he finally managed to catch his breath and come back to his body he released Raven’s hair and all but petted her. He ran his hands down her back, along her ribs and waist, trying to soothe them both after what felt like a near death experience.

“Still with me?” he asked when she didn’t move.

“Yes,” she answered and took a deep breath. “I think I stars with that last one.”

There was more than a little male ego in his smile, so he was glad she couldn’t see it. “I’m going to pull out now and take care of the condom. Bathroom’s down the hall on the left.”

As he tossed out the condom he grabbed a towel and cleaned himself up, keeping an eye on Raven as she walked towards the bathroom. When he was certain she wouldn’t fall over he poured them both a glass of water and had already down his by the time she came back out.

Still naked.

“I don’t have the ability to fuck you again right this moment, but damn does my body want to.”

Her smile was amused but he thought he saw a little bit of a blush on her cheeks. “Right back at you.”

Murphy walked to her and handed her the water while he moved around the room to pick up her clothes so she wouldn’t have to bend over and do it. Getting fucked like that was fine, but no one felt cool picking clothes up off the floor.

“Thanks.” She got dressed in front of him, so he didn’t feel particularly bad about enjoying the view. When she pulled on her dress and turned away from him he took the hint and reached for the zipper.

“Is this a one-time thing, Reyes?” he asked, letting go of the dress and taking a step back.

She pushed her hair back over her shoulder, turning to look him straight in the eye. “I don’t know,” she answered, but there was a twinkle in her eye and mischief at the corner of her mouth. “Maybe I’ll come by for lunch at your office one these days.”

With those words, Murphy was fairly certain he had actually died during that orgasm and was now in heaven.

“Yeah,” and in that moment John Murphy realized he was no longer unaffected. “That’d be cool.”

[r-ahh-mi]

He // Chapter 6

Prompt  II Chapter 1 II Chapter 2  II  Chapter 3 II Chapter 4 II Chapter 5

Pairing: Rami Malek x OC (Beth)

Warnings: Angst, smoking, and swearing.

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: Sorry it has been ages since i’ve written or updated this series, however the inspiration to write randomly hit me and i’m hoping it stays with me. Lastly, three asterisks (***) indicate a flashback which you will see at the end of this chapter. Hope you enjoy xx

Tag: @hazeleyedbeth @sassystrawberryk @amcquivey @cleopatra-knowles @lovelymalekk @mezzomercury @sherlollydramoine @rami-malek-trash @xmxisxforxmaybe  @soothysayer​ @moon-stars-soul​ @ramimedley​

-

I was massively disappointed to find that mine and Rami’s walk back to his place was, once again, full of silence. The thought that maybe, just maybe, since he had made the initiative to say a couple words to me earlier, when I was lost in my own daydreams, that he could possibly drop a few more words. Maybe a ‘how are you’ or hell, even a simple ‘hi’ would do me much better than the awkward climate we were immersing ourselves in. Though, I suppose I wasn’t doing much better seeing as I never made any attempts at speaking to him either—I also wasn’t dealing with the death of a very, very close family member like he was either.

But there I go again. Giving him a pass, making excuses for him over and over again; I’d gone through way too many years of therapy, both personal and professional, to continue this toxic behavior and acceptance I held high above his head, especially after all the wrong that he still hadn’t explained to me. He was imperfect and I needed to quit thinking that I had some input into the wrong he did to me. Though we seemed perfect and he seemed perfect, clearly this was not the case and I needn’t set Rami atop this make believe throne in my mind. He was a human being full of flaws and sadly it had to take a life changing event and me losing what we had to realize such a thing.

The rest of the evening was nothing eventful. More cumbersome quiet between me and Rami, more banter between me and Sami just to fill the tension in the air up with something other than the sound of all of us chewing our mediocre food. Of course I wasn’t expecting much from either of them. They were both exhausted, mentally more than physically. They deserved a moment to breathe and I wasn’t one to attempt to get some words out of either of them right now. I knew they needed quiet.

Early into the evening, Sami expressed his desire to sleep as he stood from his previously seated position on the couch and extended his arms overhead, exposing the slightest bit of tan skin that peaked from above the top of his jeans. I looked, of course I looked and though I didn’t realize it at that moment, but Rami noticed how my eyes flickered to the newly shown skin on his brothers lower stomach even though it was anything but lustful on my end. His eyebrows formed into a straight, crunched up line as he watched me with closed, pursed lips.

“Night.” Rami’s voice boomed like an echo through the living room as I drew my eyes over to him. He looked mad and upset all at the same time, not that that was much of a change. I hadn’t seen his expression look anywhere close to happy ever since I arrived here so I didn’t think much of it.

“Night Beth,“ Sami shook his head with a much perkier voice that was contrasting to his brothers tone while he gave my shoulder a friendly squeeze as he passed by.

“Night Sami and Rami,” I greeted, apparently much too friendly for Rami’s liking as he turned around and gave me a not so friendly look before opening and closing the wooden door to his bedroom just a tad more louder than normal.

“You two are something else’, Sami bellowed from the end of the hallway before also descending behind his bedroom door.

I hadn’t realized that I too was tired as I let out a yawn that seemed to pulse through my whole body—my muscles instantly screaming out to me how sore they were as I stretched my arms high above my head while my yawn rode through my body. Seeing as there was a two hour time difference between home and here, I’m surprised I didn’t crash before the two brothers, but it seemed like my time to sleep could be near.

I traveled down the same hallway, this time turning a small corner to the guest bedroom door that I found to be inviting enough–it was minimalistic, yet still full of modern touches here and there and I couldn’t complain about being given a free bed to sleep in for however long I was here for. I slipped myself into some much more comfier clothing and tucked myself into bed, expecting myself to fall asleep relatively quickly due to my body clock being two hours off from its regular schedule and given the extensive travel i had done today, but that wasn’t the case. It had been an hour since I situated myself under the comfy goose feather comforter and yet sleep did not seem to want to be found. I tossed and turned, scrolled through my phone, and tossed and turned some more, yet my brain couldn’t find it in itself to shut off enough for me to slip into a barely conscious state.

My hand already knew what to do on nights such as these as my fingers grasped my pack of cigarettes that I’d left next to my nightstand, as if deep down I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight and that I’d be in dire need of nicotine as I usually was on evenings where I couldn’t sleep—on the nights where I just needed the warmth and comfort of another, but a very specific another. With slow and agile feet, I tiptoed my way down the hall, cringing everytime a creak emanated through the apartment. Fortunately, I seemed to make it to the kitchen without waking up the two sleeping boys, even after I reached for a drinking glass from the top cabinet and ‘dinged’ the crystal clear object against another glass cup. Once my glass had been filled to the brim with some tap water, I ensured that my cigarettes and lighter were stuffed inside the middle pocket on my hoodie and slid open the back patio door.

That first inhale was heavenly. It was as though I was able to breathe in–breathe out the anxiety and sadness all in a matter of seconds and grant myself a small amount of escape and relief from where I was in the world. By the time I was half way through my cigarette, my body had stopped the buzzing of anxious feelings that it was experiencing for the better part of my day which got me thinking just how much this entire trip was really getting to me and doing so very quickly.

It seemed to be doing me much worse seeing him and interacting with him in our current state. Primarily, I blame this on the sick little story line I played out in my head of us seeing each other once again, after all these years, and running into one another’s arms and some other fairy tale bullshit. He’d envelope his arms around me and whisper sweet little words in my ear about how much he missed me and wanted to spend his life with me, and I would reciprocate my adoration for him and simply just not let go of him ever again. But, that wasn’t real and I needed to be realistic. I needed to let my mind come to terms that this is where we stood right now and likely how we would be. We were barely able to speak to each other and when we did it was awkward or fueled with words that hurt and the scary part is, I’m not so sure that it would ever change.

I almost wished I could go back to being in my own little day dream of us rekindling. Because living with our last interaction or rather my last interaction with his assistant where I spat several awful and valid words at them over the phone, seemed a little bit nicer than our present reality.

***

“I–I just, I don’t understand. What do you mean.”

“Mr. Malek wanted me to tell you that he can no longer continue a romantic relationship with you.” His assistant repeated for the second time, though I was still deep in shock to process what was going on and why it was happening.

“Yeah I know,” I spat, “I heard you the first time. I just don’t understand why–why–what is going on? Where is Rami?”

“He’s… uhm,” His assistant hesitated for a moment as she pulled the phone away from her mouth and looked expectantly to Rami who was busy getting his wardrobe together for his day of shooting. Rami didn’t look in her direction, though he knew his assistant was silently calling out to him for help.

“Mr. Malek is busy at-”

“Too busy that he can’t fucking break up with me himself? Too busy that he has to get his fucking assistant to do it for him because he’s too much of a pussy to say it to my face? Yeah i’m sure he’s too busy to do any of those things.”

The phone went quiet on my end, but I’m sure his assistant could hear my heavy breathing and sobs that began ripping out from my throat as my mind attempted to wrap itself around what had just happened.

I didn’t understand. We had just talked last night and everything was fine. He was tired, but happy sounding and nothing seemed off–last night we were fine and now we were nothing and the worst part is he couldn’t even tell me what was wrong. What happened? Did he cheat on me and simply not want to face the facts? Was he too busy with his career to make time for me and just found this better for the both of us? I weighed and weighed and weighed the options in my head and this just wasn’t him. Rami wasn’t like this. We had great communication and honesty all throughout our relationship–why was he choosing now to be so distant especially with it being the end of us and everything we had built about throughout our seven years of knowing one another.

I figured the rest of the phone call was pointless–his assistant didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of the rush of feelings I was having so I simply hung up and, in a moment of scattered sad and mad emotions, threw my phone across the room. It aggressively slammed into the wall and I didn’t care if the screen cracked or if my phone case had a dent in it because absolutely nothing mattered right now besides Rami and why he was doing this to me. I was utterly and completely confused beyond belief.

-

Rami’s POV (flashback cont.):

“I think she hung up on me. She doesn’t seem to be responding any-”

“Just hang up.” Though my tone of voice seemed normal to my assistant, she couldn’t see my face and the pained expression that ran across it and she especially didn’t see the tears softly leaking from my eyes and created small pathways down my cheek. Thankfully, my back was to her as I faced a nearby wall and buttoned up my shirt which kept my hands busy as they shook with emotions that had been taking over my thoughts and actions ever since that phone call with my brother earlier this morning.

“Do you need anything else from me?”

I’d almost forgotten that my assistant was still in the room, probably writing her two weeks notice in her head to prepare to hand to me in a matter of days, hell, maybe not even that long. What I made her do wasn’t exactly in her job description.

“No–thank you for doing that.”

And with that, she exited the room giving me exactly what I wanted; no questioning, no attempts to comfort me–she left me alone and that’s exactly what I was determined to be from now on, alone. Alone was the best because when you’re alone no one can hurt you; no one can keep secrets from you that would break your heart should you ever find out about them.

***

[the-quiet-winds]

I Don’t Want to Sit on the Pavement While You Fly, But I Will

guys i’m baaaaaaaaaaack from my trip. i’ll be getting to the asks in my inbox in a little bit, and i promise that i will give you all the juicy details from the show later today.

in the meantime, enjoy a cowritten oneshot by @ichlugebulletsandcornnuts and i!

of all the things jane had to get used to about the 21st century, one of the strangest had to be the concept of ultimate frisbee. first, the fact that tossing a plastic disk back and forth could be considered a sport, then that boleyn would for some reason become obsessed with the concept and drag all the other queens out to the park to play it with her. jane herself excuses herself from the game after about twenty minutes; it personally wasn’t her thing, although the others seem to be enjoying it a lot. aragon seems to be making it her goal to utterly obliterate everybody else, while cleves kept cheating as boleyn yells about it. by the time jane reaches the bench and takes a seat, cleves and katherine have apparently formed a team, with cleves giving katherine a piggyback ride as katherine chucks the frisbee far over boleyn’s head. jane laughs to herself as she watches the chaos, barely noticing as a woman sits down next to her, parking a pram by the bench. she shoots jane an apologetic look as the baby in the pram starts to grizzle, and jane smiles politely back. the woman searches for something in the pockets of the pram, finally finding a small stuffed giraffe toy and letting the baby hold it. jane looks over at the baby and her heart practically melts.

“oh, your baby is adorable,” she comments.

“oh, uh, thanks,” the woman says, somewhat uncomfortably, not looking at jane. 

after a long and uncomfortable silence, the woman speaks again. “you a mum?”

jane smiles brightly. “that one’s mine,” she says, pointing to where katherine and cleves were celebrating a point, with boleyn stewing nearby. 

the woman looks confusedly between jane and kat. “you seem a bit...young...to have a kid that old,” she answers back. 

jane blushes slightly. “oh, i’ve adopted her. quite recently, actually,” jane adds on, a fond smile blooming as she remembers that day just a couple months ago when katherine, half asleep, called her mum. 

the woman, however, presses her lips into a fine line and makes a slightly dissatisfied hum, before turning back to her baby.

a wave of defensiveness runs through jane, and despite her mostly non-confrontational nature she can’t stop herself from turning to the woman and asking, her her very politest voice, “I’m sorry, is there something the matter?”

the woman doesn’t turn to her, giving a half shrug as she keeps fussing over the baby. “well, you know.”

“i’m actually afraid I don’t,” jane says, voice almost dangerously pleasant.

the woman sighs, half contemplating dropping the topic. but something deep in her drives her to continue. so she does. 

“you know...” she drops her voice ever so slightly, “adopted mums aren’t really...” she trails off. at jane’s confused and near murderous gaze, she almost doesn’t continue. “real mums.”

jane’s blood runs cold. “i’m sorry?” she asks, as if there was any way she could have mistaken what the woman said.

“well, you know,” the woman doubles down, “and in cases like yours where the child is older, well, you’ve missed so much of their life. you’re not really a parent.” she seems to realise how much her words weren’t helping explain her case, but the woman doesn’t let up. “you understand what i mean, right?”

jane grinds her teeth together. “i’m afraid i don’t, ma’am,” she forces out in the most polite voice through a clenched jaw. 

“you’re not really her mum. you didn’t get to experience that amazing moment of holding your child after having them, or seeing their first steps or hearing her first word...you just missed a lot.” the woman shrugs. “maybe you’re just more of a best friend to a ‘mum’, that’s all.”

jane can’t stand to hear a single word more. she stands up suddenly, and the woman looks at her.

“i didn’t mean to offend,” she begins, but jane doesn’t stick around to listen to whatever she has to say. she storms back to the group, angry tears welling in her eyes. katherine’s eyes light up as she sees jane approaching.

“mum! me and cleves are winning but boleyn’s being a sore loser and-” she catches sight of jane’s expression and her face falls. “are you okay, mum?”

jane wipes the tears from her eyes and offers Katherine a watery smile. “i’m okay, love. just somebody saying some nasty things, is all. nothing you need to worry about.”

katherine wants to ask what the person said, just so she can go beat the living daylights out of them for daring to insult her mum. but she can see that, whatever it was, really hurt her mum. 

“okay,” she murmurs. katherine leans in and gives jane a half-hug. “love you mum.” 

katherine didn’t see the slight wince in jane’s eyes at the last word.

as much as jane tries to enjoy the rest of the day out, she can’t stop thinking about what the woman had said. first steps, first words, they had all been something she had looked forward to when she had edward, but she hadn’t even considered that missing katherine’s would make her any less of a mother. were her and katherine just fooling themselves? would they never truly be mother and daughter, even after the adoption?

katherine can’t help but notice something is wrong with jane through the rest of the day and that evening. 

that night, remember something that worked before, she tiptoes into jane’s room, a blanket around her shoulders and a book clenched in her hand. 

“hey,” she says quietly, perching on the side of the bed. “can we read together mum?”

jane offers her a small smile. "of course, sweetheart. the word 'mum' still sends a pang through her, but she still shuffles over on her bed and pats the space next to her. katherine climbs onto the bed and drapes the blanket over both of them. she hands the book to jane before curling up against her. jane glances down at the book; katherine had brought in Jane Eyre, one of jane's favourites.

jane cracks the book to the bookmark and begins to read aloud. she feels katherine begin to relax against her, before she lets out a tiny, adorable, contented sigh as she falls asleep. jane habitually kisses the top of the girl’s head. a wave of sadness pulses through her when she remembers the woman’s words. she gently extracts herself from katherine’s grip, the girl groans as she wakes up. 

“mum?” she asks groggily.

jane doesn’t answer, the melancholy racking her mind. katherine blinks sleepily and rubs her eyes.

“mum, what’s the matter?” she persists. even half asleep, she can tell something is wrong and she shuffled around to face her mother.

jane still doesn’t answer, eyes fixed on her lap and fingers fiddling ceaselessly. 

“mum, please,” katherine whispers, gently shaking jane’s arm. “you’re scaring me. what’s going on?”

jane takes a shaky breath, before turning suddenly to face katherine.

“kat... do you ever think that maybe... we’ve been lying to ourselves?”

“what?” katherine frowns. “mum, i have no idea what you’re talking about.”

mum. it was that word again, the word that threw jane’s brain into turmoil. the joy she normally felt when called that was being suppressed by a horrible bitterness, and jane just wanted it to stop.

“i’ll never be your mum!” she finally bursts out, tears welling behind her eyes. “i missed so much of your life.” she buries her face in her hands. “how could i ever think i could be your mum?”

katherine was at a genuine loss for words. her brain couldn’t understand what could have possibly brought this on, not when katherine had been so sure that everything was finally going right for the both of them. all she can manage is to stammer for a second, before blurting out, “what? of- of course you’re my mum!” her voice grows slightly frantic. “you aren’t saying you don’t want to be my mum anymore, are you?”

“i never was your mum!” jane cries. “all i could do was hope and wish that i was your mother but i only met you a year ago.” her voice drops significantly. “how could i ever wish to be a mum to someone as perfect as you?”

“but you do it every day!” katherine can’t stop herself from saying. “every single day, when you make me breakfast and make sure I slept okay and kiss my forehead, or when we go somewhere and you always check i’m alright, or before shows when you reassure me and tell me you love me no matter what.” her voice drops slightly as a sudden wave of emotion hits her. “that sounds like you’re my mum to me.”

jane sniffles and leans her head on katherine’s shoulder. “but before we met...”

“i was miserable, mum,” katherine admits. “before that night at your house, i wasn’t sure how i’d get by.”

“don’t,” jane says quietly, but katherine shakes her head.

“it’s the truth, mum! i was so scared, and lonely.” her voice cracks slightly. “i really didn’t know how i was going to make it through rehearsals, even. you remember how i was, right? i barely ate, i couldn’t sleep most nights, i hardly even spoke to anyone. but then- then you came along, and everything changed.”

jane is silent for a moment. “we became friends, katherine. friends. very, very close friends.” she hangs her head in shape. “i don’t know why i thought we could ever be anything more.”

“mum-“

“stop calling me that!” jane finally yells, voice cracking in despair. “it hurts too much,” she adds, very quietly.

“no,” katherine says, and a strange determined anger filters through her voice. “no, i’m not gonna let you do this. you’re not gonna rip apart the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“but-” jane begins. katherine interrupts her.

“i don’t care that we’ve only known each other for a year. i don’t care that you didn’t know me when i was little. all that matters is that you’re here right now. i’m not going to let you tell me that everything we have, everything we’ve built, is fake. i won’t let you.”

jane is silent for a long time, stone still. her heart aches at the passion in katherine’s words, the pain, all of it swirled into some sort of heavy love. 

“kat...” she finally mumbles, turning to face her fully. “i just....i don’t...” she sighs deeply. “there was a woman in the park today,” she admits in a small voice, “who said that i couldn’t be your mother because you were too old, i hadn’t been around long enough...” she lowers her voice more, if that was even possible, “i thought she was right.”

katherine doesn’t speak for a moment, before shifting closer to jane. “that woman doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” she looks into jane’s eyes, honesty and love radiating from her gaze. “you don’t suddenly stop needing a mum once you hit eighteen. and so what if we’ve only known each other a year? that doesn’t make you any less of a mum, and besides, we’ve got the rest of our lives together as well. this life, or any other.” she takes jane’s hands in hers and gives her a soft smile.

“in this life or any other,” jane repeats quietly, unsurely. she leans back against the pillows and rubs her eyes. “i’m sorry kat, i shouldn’t have pushed you away.” she looks back to her daughter. “i don’t care if someone else thinks it’s not real. it’s real. in this life or any other.”

katherine shifts closer again, and jane gets the hint and opens her arms. katherine lets out a tiny happy sound and leans against her, resting her head on jane’s shoulder.

“you’ll always be my mum,” she says quietly. “no matter what anyone else says. besides,” she nudges jane playfully, “you signed all the paperwork. you can’t take it back now.”

“and i never will, kitty-kat,” jane presses a kiss to the top of her head.

———————————————————————————————————–

tag list: @percabeth15 @kats-seymour @qualquercoisa945 @jane-fucking-seymour @a-slightly-cracked-egg @justqueentingz @annabanana2401 @wolfies-chew-toy @broad-way-13 @tvandmusicals @lailaliquorice @aimieallenatkinson @sweet-child-why03 @gaylinda-of-the-upper-uplands @funky-lesbians@thinkaboutitmaybe @hansholbeingoesaroundzeworld @anaamess @beeskneeshuh @prick-up-ur-ears @theartoflazy @justqueentwo @brother-orion @paleshadowofadragon @lafemmestars @beautifulashes17 @jarneiarichardnxel @idkimbadwithusernamesandstuff @sixcago @mixer1323 @boleynssixthfinger @aimieallen @elphiesdance @boleynthebunny @krystalhuntress @lupin-loves-chocolate @bellacardoza16 @bluify

[bodegacowboy]

Chasing the sun director’s cut

In case you don’t like FF.net for some reason. I’m posting the story here as well This is the Director’s cut version to a story I first posted here a few years ago. Enjoy (P.S This is a really long post)

So what do you need to know about this fic? It was based sort of on canon about 3 years ago. By that I mean it mostly tried to fit within "canon" with a few of the more unnecessary details tossed out. For example I didn't bother dealing with SaiIno so that doesn't exist here. Obviously if you've continued to follow the canon story line (I haven't) much more lore has been added via Boruto. I considered researching the current lore to further modify the story but in the end I decided against it.

If this story had to take place on a timeline it would have been maybe around two years after chapter 700 but whatever.

Disclaimer: There is an affair in this fic so y'know don't read it and get your feelings hurt.

I don't condone cheating in real life and if cheating occurred in canon I'd go "hey that 's a little weird for kid's story and its really out of character"

But this is a fanfic. And I think canon broke many of the characters so...

So without further ado, please enjoy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Shame engulfed him the moment he regained consciousness. Physical discomfort soon arrived mercifully distracting Naruto from his emotional distress. This was a hangover that would have made his godfather and Tsunade proud. After rallying the willpower to combat his pounding headache Naruto took a moment to assess his situation. Once again his mind returned to Jiraiya and words of wisdom from the toad sage bubbled up from the muddy depths of his mind.

If you ever find yourself waking up in a strange place after a night of hard drinking you need to try and remember three things. As soon as possible make sure you can remember where you should be, what you were doing before you blacked out and who you should be waking up with. Don't even move until you can answer at least two out of three of those questions.

Dozens of questions galloped through his head but Naruto willed himself to concentrate on Jiraiya's three. Bits and pieces of his long term memory resumed functioning and what he remembered brought a smile to his face.

He was in Amegakure. He was in the village's recently built Imperial hotel. He was here because he had been witnessing history. He was here for the first ever chunin exam sponsored by the United Shinobi Forces. The chunin exam was now a multinational biennial examination featuring hundreds of genin gathered from every shinobi village that was a current member of the ever-growing shinobi alliance. If that wasn't impressive enough it also doubled as a Kage Summit.

The kages of each nation of the alliance would come together to discuss worldly matters while the youngsters of their villages attempted to advance in the ranks. It was an unprecedented event and a significant step towards peace talks on a continental scale.

And it was all his idea.

Naruto sat up sporting a smile that ran from ear to ear. He had spent a tremendous part of his first years as Hokage working diligently to convince the others kages and daimyos to support this project. His smile widened to a grin when he recalled the grand festivities of the opening ceremonies. Indeed his hard work had paid off. So why had he had been black-out drunk again?

His grinned faded when the answer surfaced in his consciousness. Picking himself off the hotel room floor Naruto staggered over to the nearby couch. After drawing in a deep breath he thanked his lucky stars that the kages had voted against bringing their families to this first event for safety reasons.

"This is not exactly Hokage behavior" He muttered himself. Though upon further reflection Tsunade drank like a fish and she did a great job.

"I should ask her for tips" Naruto said with a chuckle that tapered off into a heavy sigh. "Now I'm talking to myself. What a mess."

A knock on the hotel room door reverberated through his entire body.

"Who is it?!" Naruto called out as he massaged his forehead.

"Sai."

"The door is open...I think"

The door indeed was open. Carrying a small briefcase in his hand Sai slid into the room with the quiet precision of a thief. Naruto annoyed by Sai's slow and methodical tiptoe towards him cut right to the elephant in the room.

"How drunk was I last night Sai?"

Sai looked his Hokage over. "Good morning, how are you feeling?"

"How drunk was I last night Sai?"

"Very"

"In public?"

"No."

"Good." Naruto studied his friend and current bodyguard. He glanced at the briefcase in Sai's hand.

"What's that?"

Sai placed the briefcase down on the coffee table before Naruto. He then deftly thumbed the briefcase's combination lock before popping it open and revealing the treasure within.

"This is Sakura's journal" Sai said.

Eyes widened Naruto asked. "Why did you have that?"

"You ordered me to take it from her room."

In response Naruto hung his head in shame.

Sai shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "So I take this to be a prank?"

Confused Naruto glanced up at his friend.

"I noticed you and Sakura had regained your past playfulness."

"You noticed that huh?" Naruto said with a snort.

"It is a shinobi's duty to pay attention."

"Well yes-this is a prank gone horribly wrong" Naruto said solemnly. He met Sai's gaze "Alcohol and pranking should never mix."

Sai nodded. "Yes, this is a very brave prank"

"A stupid prank Sai. From now on don't take orders from me when I am drunk."

Sai considered this for a moment. "So if you are drunk and we are attacked and you order me to save your life I should not follow those orders."

Naruto sighed. "Okay let's revise that. If I am drunk and I give you an order that could get us both killed, just don't do it. For example stealing from Sakura is very very very foolish. So don't follow foolish orders blindly, use your better judgment."

Sai nodded again this time in acquiescence. "I understand. So what do I do with this? She may have already noticed that it's missing."

Naruto held his hand out. "Give it to me. I'll give it back to her...when y'know the prank is over. I might as well go through with it now that I have it."

Sai hesitated.

"I won't tell her you helped me," Naruto said

Sai let out a sigh of relief and handed the notebook over to the Hokage. Naruto casually placed the book beside him on the couch before dismissing Sai from the room. When Sai's presence had vanished from Naruto's immediate senses he glanced at the journal. He stared long and hard at the journal as beads of sweat materialized on his forehead. With trembling hands Naruto picked up the journal and quickly scanned its interior. He noticed that each page was dated so he quickly skimmed to the latest entry. According to the date listed Sakura had jotted it down early last night.

Naruto began to read

XXXXXXXX

Jul 15:

"What do you want Uchiha-san?" Naruto slurred at me when I entered his room.

I suppose "Uchiha-san" was supposed to hurt me but it was he that flinched in the wake of this supposed slur. It was as if he had tossed explosives at me but he had been standing too close to avoid the shrapnel.

XXXXXX

With a loud groan Naruto put his face into his hands. Then he shook like a dog fresh from a bath. A long silence followed that he eventually broke with a heavy sigh. With a specific date in his mind Naruto returned to the journal.

XXXXXX

February 9th

It's hard not to be surprised by the appearance of the Hokage at your front door. In many villages such an event would call for bowing or the recitation of oaths and other such expressions of loyalty and subordination. I am however one of the few people in any village who is fortunate enough to be able to greet my Kage at the door with a warm hug. I then led him to the kitchen where I served him tea as if he were a neighbor stopping by for the latest gossip.

Naruto and I spoke of irreverent things at first. Simple chi-chat. Then the topic switched to our families well our children specifically. We found it amusing how none of the rigorous training we'd experienced in our lives had come close to preparing us for the trials of parenthood. As we talked, I found that I was very aware of how long it had been since we last had a private conversation. For years the majority of our interactions had been in the midst of a crowd. Festivals, school, group dates, missions, friends, fans, husbands, wives, children, there had been always someone else around. I'm sure we have talked on the phone over the years but those were not conversations worth remembering.

So for the first time in a long we were alone. Why this mattered to me I didn't know. But I didn't have too long to dwell on the thought. As I was serving him a second cup of tea Naruto asked me to be part of a historic event, his pet project a revamping of the chunin exams. According to Naruto the medical staff that will treat injured genin during the exam will be a coalition of different medics from different villages. Apparently my Hokage had it in his mind to suggest to the alliance that I lead this medical team.

Naruto seemed to be missing the obvious so I guided him towards it. Besides the occasional emergency I hadn't done any consistent medical work in years. Naruto's response was to reveal that the council had said the same thing when he had suggested my name. He tried to suppress the mischievous grin on his face when he told me "they gave me a list of better options"

I admit Naruto had played a good hand. The idea that there was an entire list of ninja supposedly "better" than me at the practice of medical ninjutsu was absurd. But this slight on me by the council was not enough to entice me back to active duty. I had stepped away from being a full-time kunoichi so I could raise my daughter.

"Well if your skills have diminished it's fine..." Naruto said. He knew he had struck a nerve and seemed intent to keep hammering at it. Time had done little to dull my skills but still, I told Naruto that either Tsunade or Shizune would be better fits at this time.

"Of course they are good fits...if you say no" Naruto said.

To that point, I had been saying "no" in a very polite way. However though inactive I was still a ninja and Naruto was my boss, my leader. If he insisted I go my continued refusal would be insubordination.

As if reading my mind he continued, "Sakura I am not ordering you to do this. I came here personally to ask that you to do me a favor. I am asking you this because I wish to rely on your..." He paused, I suppose he was searching for the right words. Eventually he looked me in the eyes and finished the thought "tremendously valuable expertise."

Yes Naruto played a great hand. I was far from immune to such high quality professional flattery. So I said yes despite the bit of maternal guilt. My parents could watch Sarada while I was away. I do not regret agreeing to leading the alliance medical staff but I do regret what happened next

I walked Naruto to the door and just as he had finished saying goodbye I kissed him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto glared dumbfounded at the journal.

"That's all she had to say about that?"

He thought back to the kiss. The problem was that the kiss had been too good. No, that wasn't right, saying it was good created comparisons with the kisses he had shared with his wife. No, "good" wasn't the right word to use. Besides good wouldn't have affected him so much. This kiss had a lot of weight to it, a lot of history attached to it. It was exactly how he had used to imagine kissing Sakura would feel. It was something undefinable and his longing for it had been lost so long ago.

Hadn't it?

He drew in a deep breath calming his thoughts and his nerves. His perspective didn't matter. It didn't matter then it didn't matter now. If the kiss was meaningless to Sakura he could accept it as a fluke. Everything would be okay. All he had to do was confirm that the kiss meant nothing. Then things would go back to normal. He continued reading, skimming quickly through any entries that did not appear to offer any clues to the answer he was seeking.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

April 9th:

I've forced myself to face the reality of what happened. I admit that I'm somewhat embarrassed that it has taken me two months to process it all. It's taken a considerable amount of my mental resources to go over what happened, why it happened and what would happen next. The saying "better late than never" was truly appropriate for this occasion.

After the kiss I thought our friendship was done. I had stood frozen in my kitchen watching Naruto wordlessly stumble out the door. When I dared to breathe again, I considered going to his office and apologizing, I then thought about going to his home and apologizing to Hinata. But I didn't do anything. For a week or so I was draped in pessimism and doubt and I haunted my own house like a brooding spirit not quite sure whether it was dead of alive. When Sarada began to notice my occasional absentmindedness I realized I'd had to chase the distressing thoughts from my mind.

That is until today. This morning it hit me that I had gone two months without any word from Naruto. But that wasn't at all unusual. The reality is after two months I am not sure the kiss has changed anything. And really I couldn't hope for any more than that. That nothing would change, that the kiss would simply fade into history. The best case scenario for everyone was if it were ignored. Maybe that's what Naruto was doing while I brooded. He was letting it fade. I don't fear the end of our friendship anymore. That type of steel is not easily shattered.

So I am not afraid but I am bothered. The kiss had been nothing but a mistake yet it still lingered with me. When I allow myself to think about it my mind goes back not to the kiss itself but the moment our lips broke. In the immediate aftermath of the kiss I felt awash in sensuality. I felt a womanly glow from head to toe that had been missing in my life for a long time. How do I sincerely apologize for something that I enjoyed?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto's face navigated successfully from a look of surprise to astonishment, from astonishment to joy, from joy to shame, from shame to worry. However he hadn't the time to asses his emotions. Answers first, emotions later. He flipped through the pages of the journal again with another specific date in mind

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

June 16: The road to Amegakure

Naruto had insisted on everyone leaving at the same time. His entourage including his administrative staff, the genin, would be spectators, everyone marched out of the village in unison creating the effect of a mini-parade. Villagers cheered on our departure and the faces of the genin flushed with pride and excitement.

Instant morale.

Being Hokage isn't just about being strong. You need to understand people. Naruto understands people. Very few realize that Naruto has put as much if not more effort into trying to understand others as he has into expanding his strength as a ninja. Whether he agrees or disagrees with your ideology, whether you are trying to kill him or not, Naruto tries to understand. It is an underrated aspect of his personality.

I have yet to speak with Naruto face to face since our last encounter. I am not sure if he's avoiding me or if I am avoiding him. All of our communications in the last few weeks have been via phone calls, messengers, or emails from his secretarial staff.

On a more enjoyable note, I used most of the day to refresh my friendship with Sai. To be honest things started out a little rocky since he had greeted me this morning with what I suppose he considered a compliment

"I've noticed that you've lost a lot of weight. I am very impressed, since you had Sarada and stopped being on active duty I never thought I'd see you this thin again."

I gave him a friendly tap against the skull with my fist. Our conversations from then on were much more amiable.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

June 17th

Met with Naruto, finally, unexpectedly.

We were a day away from the village hidden by rain and I had spent most of the morning being pleasantly surprised by the sights of the very scenic route we were taking. It seems the perception of Amegakure being located in the middle of a bleak, sunless, miserable depressing swamp was unfounded. This nation's best held secret is its amazing rural landscape. The rolling hills, the winding country roads. the ancient woodlands, I was quickly enraptured by the natural beauty and serenity of life in this foreign land. It was a wonder to me how such a serene atmosphere could blossom in a country that has been the battlefield for three shinboi wars. This country was a miracle to anyone who saw it through a historian's eyes.

Anyway I was strolling besides a lovely river when Naruto arrived. I had been caught up in my own thoughts that I hadn't sensed his approach. Time and old age had yet to work their magic on Naruto's speed.

He greeted me with practiced stoicism as we walked shoulder to shoulder. "Sakura I would like to converse with you."

Though I was caught off guard by his statuesque stiffness I consented to this impromptu meeting. I looked around the nearest shinobi was well out of earshot. This was as private as it was going to get.

I turned to Naruto but he stared forward his eyes on the trail ahead. He was at that moment essentially The Seventh.

Of the many brief but complaisant conversations I've had with Sasuke over the years quite a few of them were about the changes in Naruto. I wondered if Sasuke had noticed that Naruto was less boisterous, less energetic. Sasuke had noticed, but he hadn't been too concerned. As he put it, Naruto's change was the unfortunate cost of leading men.

"Nothing stays the same forever Sakura" Sasuke had told me.

From a practical standpoint I knew Sasuke had been right about Naruto, some change was to be expected, but how much was too much?

"I wanted to thank you for coming Sakura. This will be the first time that you've spent such a considerable amount of time away from your daughter. I know that will be hard."

I told him the truth that I missed her a ton already. That I knew if she were here right now she would have likely told the Hokage to his face that this parade of shinobi was silly.

I mimicked Sarada's voice

"Everyone walking to Amegakure like this is silly. Why does the Hokage wear that hat? It's silly. Mom you're silly."

I looked over at Naruto to see that he had managed half a smile. And just like that we were good friends again. I asked him if he had ever cried when leaving behind Boruto and Himawari.

He cleared his throat. "I may have teared up a little...once or twice"

Here was arguably the strongest man in the world admitting to tearing up over his children. I found the image sweet and I told him that. Visibly embarrassed he changed the subject.

"I just wanted to say that your village thanks you for your service."

I replied that if the village was ever in any serious need I would be glad to offer my services, that said if I were to be honest, I was only going to Amegakure because he had asked. I was doing him a favor.

"Now if can you do me a favor Naruto, please stop it with the too-serious face. I am finding it very distracting."

Naruto snorted and looked off for a moment. When he turned his attention back to me he had a familiar playful smile on his face.

"One day Sakura you will notice that I am your boss."

I parried back that I had no problem having him as my boss. I just preferred he talk to me with his normal face.

He conceded the point and carried on.

"I am just trying to say I am glad you came."

I revealed a bit of insight that had dawned on me when we left the village. I figured that part of the reason he had dragged me out of my home was so he can brag to someone about this grand historic event.

Naruto's face shone with childish delight. "Why would I brag about this? It wasn't all my idea."

Though Shikamaru had a hand in it, this was mostly Naruto's idea and it was not what people expected from him. Of course if there were a super strong tyrant or monster out there, people would expect Naruto to go out and punch him-it in the face. This was different, this was about ideas, culture, diplomacy, this was proof that he was not just a near limitless source of chakra.

After explaining my reasoning I looked over at Naruto to see him barely able to contain his glee.

So I continued. "I can see it now. We are going to get to this huge event and you are going to point at the crowd and say Sakura 'this is my baby.' Then I am going to say Naruto you are the coolest guy. Because that's what you want to hear me say."

He laughed. His laughter was contagious and I caught the bug moments after. Well I couldn't really fight it off if I had wanted. Unfortunately the laughter had to settle and things had to get serious. I noticed that he wasn't getting enough sleep.

"There are shadows beneath your eyes. You also seem a little restless" I said to him.

"There has been a lot on my mind recently" Naruto said.

It was an open secret that Naruto and Shikamaru had spent the better part of the entire year leading up to the exam burning candles at both ends in the office. The fruits of their labor were dozens of revolutionary proposals to present to the other Kages at the summit.

His voice lowered to just a cut above a whisper.

"You know what hasn't helped me sleep? Thinking about that kiss."

I felts some color spring up to my cheeks but I suppressed it. I think. I hope I did.

"You should be angry with me" I told him.

"I am not angry. I am just confused."

"You shouldn't be confused."

"I shouldn't be, but I am."

"Please don't be confused. It shouldn't have happened."

"It shouldn't have but it did."

"You shouldn't even think about it"

"I shouldn't but I do."

That was the totality of our conversation about this kiss give or take thirty to forty seconds of awkward silence in between each statement. I gathered my thoughts and then I, as softly as I could, reiterated that it had been a mistake-an awful mistake and I was sorry that I betrayed him in such away.

Naruto cocked his head to the side and looked at me. His eyes were searching. For what I don't know.

"Don't worry about it," he said eventually. "Let's consider it a joke between friends."

"A joke?" I asked.

"A private joke, something we can laugh about later...privately"

I agreed to these guiltless terms and we continued walking in silence. Naruto turned towards the river and it took me a moment to see what caught his eye. A trio of children steering their raft down the river.

"Sakura did you enjoy the daffodil valley we passed earlier today?" Naruto asked

"It was beautiful. There's nothing like it near Konohagakure."

"I knew you'd enjoy it."

I asked him how he knew that and he answered that he had recalled t I liked to go on walks and the valley seemed like the perfect walking spot. He was right, I did like walking and it was an almost perfect spot for a romantic stroll. Naruto then surprised me with what he said next.

"You should come back here. With Sasuke. You know-go walking in the moonlight."

That did sound nice if one ignored the looming fact that neither of us really knew when we'd see my husband next. Well I should say I don't know when I'll see Sasuke next. I am sure there are measures in place for Naruto and Sasuke to come in contact with each other in case of emergencies.

"You should bring Hinata here as well. You know go walking in the moonlight."

Naruto gestured towards the river. "She's more of a swimmer than a walker."

"Oh, well then take her swimming!" I said with much force than was appropriate for the conversation.

Naruto turned his attention back to me. He seemed very amused by my unexpected command.

"Would that be something a good husband would do?"

"Yes." I said while trying to hide the fact that I was embarrassed by my outburst. "A good husband should do everything he can to keep his wife happy."

"Oh, I didn't know that."

"Well now you know."

"So what does a good wife do?"

I told Naruto that a good wife should do everything she can to try and keep her husband from doing something stupid.

He chuckled, then he started to say "so how come Sasuke has-" but he stopped halfway through. I am not sure what annoyed me more that he stopped or that he apologized afterwards.

"Sorry..."

Curious I asked him what he was apologizing for and he shrugged.

"Sasuke is your husband..."

I knew that, we both knew that.

"Yes, and?"

He shrugged again.

"How come Sasuke has what?" I asked.

Naruto paused and then finished the thought. "That hairstyle...I mean..come on"

"I like it" I told him.

"You do? Ah I guess you kind of have to don't you?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing is wrong. You have a very pretty husband Sakura and you should be proud."

"Oh you're just a jerk" I said

Naruto laughed openly at my defense of my husband's flowing locks.

"You're just jealous" I countered.

Naruto's laughter wound down and the color in his cheeks bloomed.

"Maybe" he said just above a whisper.

I changed the subject.

"Are you nervous?"

"About what?" Naruto asked

"The success of these exams."

"The exams will definitely be a success. Whether they will have the lingering affect I hope that they will..." Naruto shook his head as his words trailed. "The exams were always a good idea. But under the disguise of improving relationships between villages it had become an excuse for espionage. Now going forward it'll be a celebration. We invite the rest of the world to our world."

Naruto scratched at his cheek and a boyish excitement broke through the surface of his face. "We celebrate our nations and our villages, but more importantly we celebrate our shinobi, if we celebrate the humanity of a shinobi maybe...Maybe I can show them the world the way I see it."

I pointed out to him that a troop of shinobi stomping through the countryside of a foreign land would normally be called an invasion. I interpreted that to mean that things had already changed significantly. Naruto seemed happy to hear that.

I think that it was clear to anyone on that march-especially those of us who had fought in the war that something special was going on here. I was contemplating on how much the world had changed when Naruto tapped my shoulder and turned my attention back to the river, the children had spotted us and they waved excitedly at us. We matched their enthusiasm, throwing both of our hands up in the air as we waved back. With his eyes still on the children Naruto remarked how much he wanted to believe Nagato had once stood on the same spot he was standing on. He wondered if, and he wanted to believe, that Nagato had admired and valued the beauty of this land as much as Naruto did now.

He looked at my expectantly and I searched myself for words of wisdom or comfort. At a loss for words I just smiled at him. He smiled back.

"We should talk more Sakura."

"Sure, but you'll have to stop being busy."

"Well..." he started.

"I get it" I interrupted. "You're the Hokage, and a father and a husband."

Naruto nodded.

"Plus I'm busy too," I added. "Sarada is a handful and a half."

"I'm sure" Naruto said.

For a few breaths we just looked at each other.

"I should go" Naruto said his voice a Hokage's voice now, measured and collected. The Seventh had returned and I was in the process of being dismissed

"Enjoy the scenery Sakura."

"Is that an order?"

He smiled. "A direct order."

"Well you're the boss" I replied.

"Oh you remembered." With that said Naruto quickened his pace to break away from me.

"Try and get some rest tonight." I called out to his back.

He slowed his pace for a step or two and then turned to me. "Jiraiya used to say there is no rest for the wicked Sakura. But maybe he should have said there is no way to rest with wicked thoughts."

This time I believe color did rise to my face but luckily Naruto had already turned away likely grinning like a fool.

I saw then that his intent was to tease me about the kiss, likely for the rest of our lives. He was a monster but we were still great friends.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto placed his open palm over his face and groaned into it. What a time for his juvenile sense of humor to reemerge. The perverted antics, the pranks, the impulsive behavior, these were things he thought he had left behind in adolescence.

What kind of man...what kind of Hokage loses his mind after being kissed?

Naruto ran his hand up his face, across his forehead, and through his hair. That stupid kiss. He'd felt its lingering burn for far too many weeks now. How many nights had he shamefully awoken from sleep stunned at the good fortune that he hadn't called out Sakura's name while his wife slept. There were times when the ache was overbearing and he reached out to Hinata to satisfy the need. Their lovemaking would be furious then, fiery and explosive. But it was at best a temporary fix, the burn continued to cry out for a soothing salve.

Naruto laughed, any experience of shame, embarrassment or guilt he'd felt before was nothing in comparison to what he was feeling now. Despite the fact that he felt awful, he still needed an answer. So he kept reading.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Jun 19th 11 PM: The road to Amegakure

Can't sleep

Why did that idiot have to say that?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jun 21: 1:30 AM: Amegakure : Imperial Hotel

I came to Amegakure knowing two things. One, being a part of the Hokage's inner circle would land me in midst of celebrities, diplomats, kages, and pure blooded nobility. Two the entire event would be one long festival with the occasional breaks for the examination, the kage summit, and maybe sleep if time permitted. With consideration of these facts I made sure I packed the proper attire necessary for both formal and informal festivities. Despite my foresight I was not prepared for the level of celebration Amergakure had in store for us. I did not have any clothes with me or at home that could have matched the gallantry of the opening night party. However that fact didn't discourage me at all. Years ago Ino gave me the backhanded compliment of having a talent for doing a whole lot with very little. She was technically right but that insight didn't just apply to my sense of fashion. Doing so much with so little was the overarching theme of my life.

I reacquainted myself with an old classic. A short strapless black dress with open toed shoes that was simple but elegant enough for this sort of grand affair. That dress is my go to when I really wanted to look good, to be beautiful. I've never lacked confidence wearing it. Considering how long its been since I was last at a party that wasn't centered around a child I needed that confidence. The night started off well I flitted from conversation to conversation like a social butterfly all the while I kept an eye out for Naruto. He had been stalking the other side of the room with a paradoxical look of predatory stoicism on his face. He held the posture of a shinobi of great importance, relaxed enough to be approachable without subverting the fact that he could wipe out most if not the entire room if came to that. It wasn't until Gaara joined his company that the gentle light returned to his eyes. Besides Gaara or Sai the only person Naruto seemed to really have a solid report with was the man who appeared by his side to refill his champagne glass.

As I was making a mental note of that Naruto looked up from the bottom of an emptied glass catching me in a stare.

His mouth spread into a pleased grin and I felt mine do the same. We maintained eye contact from across the room until some VIPs invited themselves to Naruto's personal space. He greeted them and I turned away to search for a bite to eat. Before the party I had tried to embrace the guilt as punishment for leaving Sarada behind. It had been hard to sleep with the knowledge that my daughter was not within walking distance of my bed. How many nights did she crawl into my bed when the roar of thunder outside her window scared her? Countless. Then there the nights I went to her, when the silence inside the house scared me. She needed me and I needed her. Those were the facts.

But once the party started it didn't take long for me to surrender to the creeping notion that that I was having a good time. Especially when I was pounced upon by a group of medics from Amegakure. They were young men, energetic and enthusiastic about medical ninjutsu. They were the future of Amegakure's medical field and they knew it. They also knew Tsunade and they I knew had been her protege. Initially they picked my brain about Tsunade's methodology during surgery then we ventured into a fascinating discussion on the current breakthroughs in medical research, and then somehow we wandered into what it meant to be a medical ninja. How important were we really? Ninja who focused on the art of saving lives rather then taking them.

It was an enjoyable conversation though it was hard to avoid the fact that I was the only female in the group. I was also the only one in our mini party sporting a wedding ring. It didn't really surprise me at all when the occasional subtly suggestive remark was floated in between talks of medicine and anatomy. A few of them were them were testing the waters, gauging my interest or lack thereof. They where bold but young men, I deflected their inquiries with grace and politeness. Yes they were harmless, the real troublemaker arrived forty minutes into the conversation.

"Excuse me gentlemen may I speak to my medic for a moment."

The young medics scattered like lowly bureaucrats before a lord when Naruto butted into our conversation. Seeing the immediate consequence of his presence Naruto said rather sheepishly "I didn't mean for them to take off like that."

"Your medic? I thought I was working for the Alliance?" I asked

"No you're still min-the village's medic I am simply showing you off."

"Oh like a pony" I retorted.

"A prized pony" He chuckled.

A question occurred to me then but I kept it to myself. Instead I asked what Naruto wanted to talk to me about. He replied without looking directly at me that he simply wanted to know if I was enjoying the party. I was articulating my enjoyment when his eyes flickered suddenly. I sensed him look me over more than I saw the total movement of his eyes. That kind of subtlety of movement would have gotten top marks from Iruka. As I was trying wrap my mind around the implication of this. He excused himself politely but abruptly from my company. When he rejoined Gaara and melted back into a crowd of diplomats I assumed that would be the last I saw of him this night.

I was wrong.

When I returned to the floor of my hotel room a few hours later I found him waiting just outside my door.

"I left early" he said answering the obvious question in the air.

"And you came here?"

"No, I went to my room first."

"And then you pigged out on some ramen?"

"How did you know?" he asked.

I told him about the piece of noodle that lingered in the corner of his mouth. I reached out to wipe it away but I realized how much of an intimate gesture that would have been. This sudden onset of self awareness paralyzed me and my hand just hovered in the air between us.

I pointed to his mouth, "You've got some noodle on your lips"

"Oh" Naruto swiped at his mouth and I willed my hand down to my sides. I shook my head and wondered aloud how was it that Naruto had mastered senjutsu training but he didn't have the discipline to keep a healthier diet.

"It's really simple Sakura, I wanted to master senjutsu."

"Fair enough. So why are you here Naruto?" I asked

"Why did you kiss me?"

I let out a long slow breath before I answered. "You caught me at a bad time."

Skepticism clouded his eyes.

Words flowed out of my mouth. "Sarada was asleep, she wasn't going to wake up for another hour. The house is bigger than it looks Naruto. Sometimes it echoes."

I waited for Naruto to reply but he remained silent. He was wearing the face of the Hokage again.

"I was lonely. It was a mistake"

"Okay" He said dispassionately. "I understand.'

I had a question for him.

With my voice tinged with irritation I said "I've been thinking about it since it happened. When you broke up the enjoyable conversation I was having with the Amegakure medics, were you doing your duty and watching over your best friend's wife?"

He cringed and it broke his serious Hokage face.

"I am just wondering if you were protecting the virtue and honor of your best friend's wife."

Naruto cleared his throat. "I admit I noticed some of them flirting with you. I admit that. But imagine this, I do nothing, one of them gets fresh, all of a sudden I hear "shannaro" right before I see a Amegakure medic being transported across the room with a broken jaw via your first. Now Amegakure demands you be arrested, I decline their request, they declare war on us, I have to declare war on them. They attack us and our defense obliterates their forces. Losing the war affects their economy and they fall into a depression. If I was protecting anyone here it's Amegakure."

It was a deflection but it was a very amusing one. Amusing enough to sway me towards forgiveness. Whatever Naruto's intentions were at the very least I was sure they came from a good place.

"So you are not here to watch my door like a guard dog?"

He sighed. "Never even crossed my mind."

"Good. I can take care of myself."

He put his hands in the air as if to surrender. "I know, I know. I am sorry if it came across that way."

I smiled. "Now Naruto wouldn't fighting a war over me extend the cycle of hatred?"

He thought about this. He actually paused to consider this.

"There are exceptions to every rule."

"Doesn't your administration support pacifism?"

"Sakura it's closer to a non-aggression principle." He gave me a cheeky look that seemed to say "I've come a long way. Are you impressed?"

I was impressed for the record.

"Alright Naruto if by chance I assault a foreign ally, I give you permission to allow me to be arrested. If I happen to break a decade long peace treaty feel free to just let me go."

He said "I may not be able to let you go..." before he paused and quickly tagged on "as a Hokage I have an obligation to protect my people."

Something about the tone of the first half of his statement had an immediate affect on me. His said it low enough for it register as a whisper and it sent goosebumps running up and down my flesh. I responded with a general but true statement about how his loyalty to his people was what made him a good leader. I then slipped my key into the door and unlocked it just to do something other than stare awkwardly at him.

I heard him say over my shoulder, "You looked beau-nice tonight."

I turned to face him.

"Well you are just being kind."

His eyes softened. "No I am not."

"Thank you, I guess-its not bad for a mama huh? You also looked nice tonight, very handsome actually. If I were single well...I mean..If we were both single...y'know...maybe. Who knows right? If things were completely different than how they are now..."

The light chuckle of an embarrassed woman escaped my lips. I laughed at myself, at my anxiousness. I must have looked a mess because Naruto just stared at me. He appeared confused maybe even worried, as if I had broken the married man and married woman's neutral compliment pact.

"Sakura, may I ask another question?"

I nodded to him.

"Why am I having a hard time believing you?"

"About what?"

"The kiss."

He took a half step forward me. My instinctual response to this was to lean my back against the door for support. Of course it popped open and I stumbled backwards inside. I floundered for about three stumbling steps before I caught myself with as much grace as I could muster. I looked up at Naruto and asked, as if it was what I had in mind all along, if he wanted to come inside to talk.

He considered it for a long, long, long time. Then he smiled before backing away from the doorway, apologizing for his interruption, and announcing that it was best for him to go get some sleep.

I agreed and I even recommended a minimum of eight hours. I didn't let go of my breath until Naruto was gone and I had locked the door .

Overall, I can say I had a good time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

With the journal in hand Naruto paced about his hotel room. He remembered the night of the opening ceremony very well. He had never seen Sakura looking as lovely as she did that night. Or maybe he had, maybe she had looked as lovely at her wedding. Back then, it hadn't been that long ago, he had felt legitimately happy for his friends and there was nothing more to it. There was definitely something more going on now, something more than friendly.

Naruto had spent the initial moments of the party disoriented, like a man regaining his sight after being blind for many years. Rather than allowing himself to be drawn to Sakura like a month to a flame Naruto deliberately avoided her. His tactic had worked until the Amegakure medics arrived to the scene. When they had surrounded Sakura, when she had happily become lost in the conversation and lost to the room. He felt something he had not felt in a long time.

At first it had manifested itself in amusement.

These guys are pretty lucky that Sasuke isn't here

As the conversation continued it became impatience.

Talking for so long to another man's wife those guys are pretty lucky I'm not Sasuke

As the conversation continued it became irritation.

If I were Sasuke, I would be using my eyes to ignite things from across the room by now

And then.

If I were Sasuke...

The visual came to him immediately, he saw himself henging into Sasuke taking Sakura by the hand, leading her away from the wolves and back to their room. Where he would breathe her in, taste her, touch her like she wanted to be touched. Naruto stopped the visual now as he had then with a vigorous shake of his head. He had been jealous, passionately jealous. And then what did he do? He waited for her at her hotel room. Somehow he'd gotten it into his mind that it was a good idea to be standing beside her right outside her room, him smelling of ramen and her of sweet perfume.

A moth to the flame.

When a husband is jealous, he worries that he might be losing his wife. Sakura was not his wife. How could he be worried about losing something he never had?

Naruto returned to the journal.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

June 25th:

Descriptions such as captivating or inspiring are what I've heard people use to describe a speech by Naruto. But those words fail to capture the intimate connection that takes between Naruto and his audience. Whether it's an impromptu rally to the troops or a scripted event at a formal venue his innate skill at public speaking always shined through. Today was no exception, Naruto's optimism, his compassion, his emotional intelligence were put on display and I found myself in silent awe.

We've known each other for so long and he still surprises me.

I hadn't planned on being a part of such a moment. In fact my intention was just to drop in and greet the Leaf students before they set off for the first stage of the exams. I was about to leave when Naruto arrived and he went to work quickly. Initially it started as one might expect "you represent the village, make your families proud, you are the future of Konohagakure." The genin of course gave Naruto the kind of attention one would give a living legend. But he really grabbed their hearts and minds when he told them a fable once told to him by Jiraiya.

It was a tale about a race of sage birds who dwelled deep within the darkest rain-forest in the world. Generations earlier the sage birds had secured this rain-forest as their homeland because of its abundance of resources and it's lack of predators. The sage birds had everything they needed in the rain-forest except consistent sunlight. Because the top canopy of the rain-forest blocked over ninety percent of the sunlight the sage birds learned to thrive on the forest floor. They lived peacefully, comfortably and without the need of flight. After some decades the sage birds had stopped teaching to their young how to fly and so soon enough many had forgotten this ability altogether.

There however came one sage bird who loved the sunlight. On the rare occasions that a stream of light managed to reach the forest floor this bird bathed in it's warm touch. When he heard tales of how his people used to fly he began to dream of soaring above the trees and being embraced by the delicious rays of the sun. This bird studied under all the sage elders, he unearthed the lost histories of his people, and he rediscovered the ability of flight. As soon as he had trained his body to be physically capable the sage bird took off into the air and burst through the canopy.

Unfortunately a storm had been brewing over the rain forest and the sage bird once again found himself shielded from the light. This time not by leaves but by ever growing dark clouds. Distraught but not deterred the sage bird realized he was certain of only two things. One, beyond those storm clouds awaited the warming glow of the sun. Two, he could not imagine a more joyous event than spreading his wings and being engulfed in that warm glow. With the dreams of gliding between sun-rays in his heart the sage bird soared right into the heart of the storm.

And he was never seen or heard from again.

After the story Naruto announced that there were a number of morals to the tale. It was traditionally a cautionary fable against impulsive behavior, against impatience, against arrogance and greed. On a deeper level still it was a simple observation on human nature, on how some people are never content or satisfied with what they have. Naruto conceded that all of these wise interpretations were valid. However when he had first heard the story from Jiraiya he had not considered any of that. He had in fact admired the bird, he thought it was courageous for the bird to risk the dangers of the storm for his dream.

Naruto had grinned broadly at the genin. He told them how as an adult he could see the wisdom of the traditional interpretations yet he could also still see the merits in his youthful interpretation.

"You will all learn soon enough that the line between courageousness and foolishness, selfishness and selflessness easily blur" Naruto told the students.

"I say consider this what if the life of a sage bird was far less than that of a human. What if I told you the sage bird spent most of his life learning how to fly and he knew he only had weeks left to live, no, days? Would it change the way you think about the story? Would it change the way you think about the Sage Bird?"

Naruto continued by telling the genin that there would be a moment during the exam where they would think to themselves that it was oaky to quit now. That they could just try again later. That the two years until the next exam would go by quickly. He went on to say depending on the situation this could be the most reasonable point of of view in the world. The wisest position to take. But they assume, and it was a reasonable assumption to make, that the exams would be around in two years. That they would be around in two years. Sometimes, he said, whether you know it or not you only get one chance.

"If you get that chance, the opportunity to fulfill a dream..."

He paused.

"Some birds are happy singing and dancing on the forest floor. That can be a happy and fulfilling life for many birds. But if you are the type of bird that dreams of the sun. You may have to face the rain and the thunder. It's up to you to decide if it's worth the risk."

The genin departed for the first phase of the exam with gallantry and vigor in their hearts. It was unexpectedly the Hokage that lingered tentatively in their wake. I followed him for a little bit as he walked about aimlessly around the campus grounds. When there was a comfortable distance between us and anyone else I matched his pace and nudged him playfully with my shoulder. I told him that I also got that bittersweet feeling every time the exams came around. Naruto appeared surprised by my presence for a moment. Then he chuckled warmly. "I'm glad you are here Sakura."

He then craned his head back, looked up into the sky and he said. "I wish Sasuke was here as well."

Despite the currently flawed state of my marriage and the currently awkward status of my relationship with Naruto, there would always be an "us" in some way or some form. "We," "Team Seven," would always exist. I suppose neither of us had anymore to say about my husband so we continued walking for awhile.

Naruto sighed. "When I was younger I would try and break every single rule if it got me some attention. Then I felt like there wasn't a rule I wouldn't break to protect my friends. Now, well life can be so complicated. I am starting to think-"

He glanced at me, unemotional.

"-No I do think that maybe the only way to keep it simple is to keep to the rules."

Not knowing exactly how to respond I said, "Funny how things change."

Naruto caught my eyes,"so you think I've changed?"

I considered the question for some time before answering. "I think-your priorities, naturally, have changed a lot but your heart is always in the right place."

Naruto gave me an odd mixture of surprise and hurt mingled with appreciation. I can only assume in hindsight that this had been the first time anyone had acknowledged Naruto's change, at least to his face.

"I couldn't be the Hokage and still be...I had to mature into the kind of man a Hokage should be."

"Oh you've matured? I hadn't noticed." I said teasing him.

He looked at me with amusement in his eyes. "I am mature, I read books in my spare time."

I asked him what kind of books he read.

"Literature" he said a grin forming on his face.

"Oh what kind of literature?"

"The classics."

"Like what?"

He looked off to the side. "The Lighthouse-on-the-Mountaintop. Its not a well known book but it's a classic."

I laughed out loud. "You just made that up."

He snorted. "Sakura do not be jealous that I am more well read than you are."

"You are not!" I challenged. "Who is the author of The Lighthouse on the Mountaintop?"

"Questioning your Hokage is insubordination" He replied.

"Have mercy on your lowly subordinate Hokage-sama" I said wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.

After a quiet moment Naruto turned to me with a smirk on his face and said, "What did you do to me?"

I asked him what he meant by that. So he leaned in close and whispered conspiratorially. "Ever since you kissed me my mind has been cluttered with unnecessary thoughts."

Abruptly Naruto's stomach collided with my fist.

"That's the kind of joke you want to crack in public?" I whispered back to him.

Naruto half laughed, half coughed as he double over at the waist. Still trying to catch his breath, Naruto plopped down onto the ground to collect himself. I did likewise and I sat facing him

He continued laughing "You know how long its been since someone has hit me?"

"I didn't hit you that hard." I said now slightly embarrassed.

He laughed again and I was struck by nostalgia.

"Naruto, don't change too much okay?"

"That is a promise I can't make." He said pointing to his hat. " He sighed and smiled at me.

"Some things may change Sakura, but you will always be sorta scary to me."

I scoffed. "And you will always be an idiot to me."

He grinned. "That's fine. I don't think I mind that at all."

It was one of Naruto's better grins. It flashed and reflected the Amegakure sun and I was infused with a vibrant energy that I think will carry me through the rest of the day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

June 27th:

The second stage of the exam took place in Amegakure's version of the Forest Death. The village hidden in the rain had in it's back pocket an immense swamp-like arena that according to the locals had been the only part of the village to be untouched by the civil war. Apparently it was too hot and humid, and the smell too pungent to house rebels or loyalists at any stage of the war. I suppose if anyone could find value in the swamp it would be the Aburame clan. The vast array of hideous insects that claimed the swamp as their home would have surely delighted them.

Knowing from firsthand experience that the exams weren't designed for comfort I still felt genuine pity for the genin having to wade through all that muck. Luckily they were up for the challenge. The harsh environment offered the genin their first opportunities to truly shine as a shinobi and many of them took advantage of the spotlight. The highlights of the second stage, the moments where the genin put on displays of courage, toughness or pride, were broadcast to all the villages of the Alliance. But the general populace only got the replays for this portion of the exam. The entire event however was streamed live to the big wigs and VIPs.

Once again I was in the room with VIPs. The usual suspects were there, the diplomats, the captains of industry, kages, daiyamos. It was a star studded room with six long tables set up with a variety of specialty snacks from all of the villages within the alliance. The dozens or so monitors on the walls showed the genin, giving it all, putting their egos and lives on the line and the VIPs simply nodded approvingly or clapped politely when something amazing happened. There were long stretches of time were the room was so quiet that you would have thought you walked into a library. Although I'd earned the right to be there I still didn't exactly feel like it was my crowd. I tried my best to keep the peace so to speak but I had underestimated the potency of Amegakure's candy flavored liquor. The delicious drinks, in combination with a plucky young genin showing serious guts, got me in some trouble.

"SHANNARO!"

I threw in a fist pump to emphasize my less than refined behavior.

I was pretty sure every head in the room turned to me. From me the crowd then turned, to my mortification, to Naruto. Naruto who had been in a group featuring Gaara and nobles from the Land of Fire and Earth looked over at me and I turned away sheepish. I kept my head down and made a beeline for the tables and grabbed myself a small bowl of mixed fruit. I was spearing some blueberries with a fork when Naruto appeared beside me.

"Sakura"

"Sorry I got caught up in the action." I slurred without looking up from my forkful of berries.

"Right...that's why I am here to scold you for your barbarian-like behavior."

Looking up at him, I was surprised to see the touch of amusement on his face. I started to apologize. I tried to make the case that I couldn't help but be moved by the display of young valor on the screen before me, but Naruto interrupted me.

"You okay?"

"Fine." I said catching myself from swaying.

"I see. You know it's funny I just realized that I never really thanked you."

"Thanked me for what?" I said catching myself from swaying.

"My fight during the final rounds-all those many moons ago. Before all hell broke loose" he sighed. "I heard you in the crowd, through the noise of the crowd. I don't think I told you how much I appreciated that."

"Naruto we were friends, we were a team, you would have done the same for me."

Naruto nodded. "Still I'm not sure you understand how much that meant to me...at the time. I should have thanked you."

I patted him on the shoulder, "Naruto there's an old saying what's understood never needs to be explained."

He smiled. "Is that so?"

"By the way aren't you supposed to be scolding me?"

"Consider yourself scolded."

I shook my head head. "But Naruto politically speaking as our leader you should consider kicking me out for embarrassing you."

Naruto scratched at his chin. "If I kick you out it would be me admitting it was wrong to have you here."

"Oh! You are thinking politically" I said with alcohol laced cheer. "If I stay it would imply I'm here because you want me here-despite my behavior."

"It would imply I enjoy your company."

"On the other hand Naruto, it may also imply that you have an impudent subordinate around you that you can't control."

Naruto shrugged, "or it would imply that I enjoy your company and people will have to deal with that."

I studied him for a moment. At that moment I truly wanted to believe what he said was true.

"Do you enjoy my company Naruto?" I asked. "Really?"

"Of course."

I couldn't contain my smile even if I had tried. But then I looked over Naruto's shoulders to see some of the Raikage's entourage side-eying me. "I think I annoyed them."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "That's their problem. My problem is that-technically in a situations like this the Kage have to be...circumspect."

"Naruto...I mean this with all due respect, But you're vocabulary has come a really really long way." I declared. "I'm not saying you were a dumb kid but-I'll just say this, the gap between your strength from back then to know is parallel to the gap in your vocabulary from back then to now."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"It is. It really is. I am very impressed with you right now."

A soft laughter escaped Naruto's mouth. "They've got really tasty drinks here don't they?"

"Oh my gosh they do" I aggressively agreed.

"They can sneak up on you though."

"Yep" I said taking in a deep breath,

"As I was saying Sakura I as the Hokage -have to be circumspect but..."

"Way ahead of you Naruto. I'm not the Hokage. So I can cheer for our kids-on your behalf. Since that is your will than I shall comply Hokage-sama."

Naruto gestured towards Gaara's direction with his head. "Come and join us."

As Naruto led me towards the center of the room I ignored the glares of those who preferred to show support for their ninja in prudish silence.

"That genin was very impressive wasn't she? You know she reminded me of someone." Naruto remarked.

"Did she?" I asked. "I wonder who?"

Since I was following Naruto I couldn't see his face but I knew he was smiling. I'd like to say I managed to restrain myself from any additional outbursts for the rest of the night but that would be a lie. I am not the type of ninja to go counter to the will of my Hokage.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

All of it came vividly to Naruto's mind. Their laughter, their easy conversation, the warm glances exchanged. He could remember it all without much effort. A child, a young man would make ridiculous interpretations of those memories. A wise man, a leader, could see those moments for they are. Of course he and Sakura got along well there were years of friendship to back that up. Of course she made him smile, of course he enjoyed her company, she was a close friend.

Except she kissed him

It was her kiss that had started to twist his perspective. What was she thinking? She gave him some answers to that question but he didn't know if he believed her. Why couldn't he believe her? Her actions had forced him to doubt her-doubt her what? What was he doubting?

So many stupid childish questions. But he needed the answers, no matter how stupid or childish they may be.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

June 29:

The life of a medical ninja is such that startling discoveries are routinely made in emergency rooms before the sun has even had a chance to crack a peek over the horizon. Fairly confident of the results of a night of research I made a beeline for Naruto's room. Only to find a line waiting outside his door. Luckily as I arrived Sai stepped out of the room to presumably inspect the line. I let him know I had an urgent message to deliver and Sai did not hesitate to usher me through Naruto's door to the dismay of the others on the line.

"He's being fitted for a custom robe right now, it's a gift from the Amegakure council, but since you say it's urgent..." Sai mentioned as he led me through Naruto's bedroom door, without bothering to knock. We walked in on a scene featuring two geriatric women fussing over the Hokage. Ignoring our sudden presence in the room they stretched cloth measuring tape across the width and length of his body.

Oh and Naruto was dressed only in his boxers.

Surprise flashed on his face when he was saw me but he reined it in with impressive swiftness. Then he addressed us as if were a normal occurrence for people to burst into his room.

"Is there a problem Sai?"

Sai related quickly that I had some urgent news for him. But by the time Naruto turned to me I had completely lost my train of thoughts. Or I should say my train of thoughts had left me behind.

"What is your news Sakura?" Naruto asked.

I told him that I had two questions for him first.

"Are you wearing silk boxers?"

He nodded, embarrassment briefly coloring his face.

Silk boxers, form fitting, obviously a wife's gift to her husband. Hinata had gone shopping for these boxers and picked them out knowing his exact measurements, knowing for sure what looked good on him. These thoughts simply bloomed in my mind as pure facts rather than speculation. Exposed to these facts I should have been amused or indifferent to them but I found myself in a confusing state of ambivalence.

I went on to my next question.

"If you spend most of your time in your office how is that you are in better shape now then you were during the war?"

Naruto's eyes shone with sudden mischief when he looked at me. He explained that it wasn't enough to simply train one's mind for politics. The village head had to be in top physical shape at all times. So his exercise routine was as vigorous now as it had ever been. When one of the elderly tailors wrapped a measuring tape around Naruto's right arm. He flexed and his arm confessed to the room that it was indeed heavy with well defined muscle.

The old woman hanging on his arm cooed playfully while Naruto locked eyes with me.

"Not bad for a papa huh?" Naruto asked with a grin.

At that moment an odd comparison came to my mind. Sasuke and Naruto's body matched their personalities fairly well. Sasuke was, wiry, lean, elusive. Of the two Naruto's overall body had a bit more mass, he was sturdy, sinewy, dependable.

"I have to say I am very impressed by how you've kept so fit" Sai said abruptly bringing me back down to earth.

Naruto gave Sai a look that seemed to express surprise at the fact of Sai still being in the room. He thanked Sai for the compliment and returned his attention to me. "The message Sakura?"

I glanced at the old women. Naruto took the hint and they were politely escorted out of the room a moment later. When they were gone I asked Naruto if it had been necessary for him to have been measured while in his boxers. Seemingly confused by the question Naruto replied that the old women had insisted so it must have been necessary.

I kept my thoughts about that to myself. There were more pressing concerns now anyway.

I informed Naruto that at that moment there was a genin team in the emergency room that had been deemed too injured to continue on with second stage of the exam. The genin team had claimed that they had lost their scrolls to a team from Kirigakure who entrapped them in a poisonous mist.

Naruto noted that Kirigakure had a considerable reputation for the usage of poison.

"Was it an unnecessarily lethal dosage?" He asked.

I told Naruto that the genin hadn't been poisoned the way they thought they had been poisoned. They had instead been attacked with a nerve agent.

Naruto asked if I doubted the genin's story. I did not. Indeed there was enough traces of the poison on them to say that someone had used a poison technique. But their symptoms had not matched what should have happened to victims of such an attack. What they had described seeing was C-rank technique that caused coma like paralysis within seconds of exposure. But the normal process for that is that first one's lips and tongue deaden, then comes dizziness and vomiting, followed by numbness and muscle paralysis.

"It's quite a frightening process. But it's fairly common" I said to Naruto.

"What really happened to the genin?" He asked.

I explained.

The genin had remembered salivating profusely then losing consciousness and then coming in and out of sleep dimly aware that most of their muscles had gone completely numb. I checked their clothing and found a very small concentration of a unique toxic compound that was not found in any known poison mist technique in use. The genin had somehow been tagged with the substance beforehand.

"So the poison mist was a coverup. To mask the actual attack. Those kids were being experimented on?"

"It looks like that." I said solemnly. "It would have taken some time for the substance to seep in from their clothes onto their skin. The poison mist attack was probably timed to match up with that."

I added to the bad news. "These genin might experience some long term effects once the recover. Most of it will be psychological."

Then I piled on some more. "This is new Naruto, I've never seen this before. And in larger doses an advanced variation of this has the potential to be devastating on a battlefield."

"It's your impression Sakura that this was developed after the war?" Naruto inquired.

"I would think so."

I saw something flash in Naruto's eyes, something caught between hurt and anger. Then as quickly as it came it was gone. "Can quick-acting antidotes be created?"

I hesitated

"In your opinion" Naruto added.

I answered sincerely. "I haven't looked into it too deeply but I have some ideas. There are other poisons that may actually be used as a countermeasure since they block acetylcholine receptors that..."

Naruto put his hand up. "You can keep the technical details Sakura. When we get home you can lead a research team to develop antidotes for this or any future surprises Kirigakure may have."

I hesitated again.

Naruto grinned. "You've brought some very critical information to my attention. I was right to put my confidence in you."

I told him that I was honored and flattered but I'd have to decline. I would share my thoughts with Tsunade and Shizune but I reiterated that I was committed to raising my daughter full time.

"And that is admirable. It is truly is. But maybe some kind of schedule can be worked out..." Naruto said.

I asked who would take care of Sarada while I was working.

"When Sasuke comes back..."Naruto started

I cut him off. "When Sasuke comes back he won't stay. He doesn't stay."

"In time...I'll talk to him."

There was an unspoken "again" at the end of that statement. But I found myself wondering in a amused way what could Naruto possibly have said that Sasuke couldn't see for himself when he said goodbye to his wife and child every few months?

I rattled off some obvious truths to Naruto. As hard is it might have been to believe I was not the wounded bird in my marriage. Sasuke needed to go out to find himself. Yes, he would come home to a stable family to reset but needed to find the answers out there, answers that couldn't be found at home.

"That's a separate issue. Right now, I can't help but feel that you are wasting something special. You are special Sakura. One day you will wake up and notice this but it'll be too late!"

By then I was infuriated by the path the conversation had taken.

"I don't need you to save me Naruto?"

Sounding tired Naruto said, "Sometimes Sakura there is a pretty large difference between what you assume about my motivations and what my motivations actually are."

I snapped at him. "Does Hinata wake up every morning to this lecture?"

"Apples and oranges" Naruto growled.

"How do you figure that?"

"We're talking about two different people. What makes her happy might not make you happy, what you makes you happy might not make her happy."

"And you think you know what makes me happy?" I shouted at him.

"I know what used to make you happy and that used to be medical ninjutsu."

"Maybe you are not the only one who has changed Naruto!"

It was then that Sai chimed in.

"It's interesting. Naruto has sacrificed his personal time including time spent with his family to dedicate himself to being a Hokage. Sakura has sacrificed her desire to practice medical ninjutsu to dedicate herself to her daughter. Similar ideals two different destinations."

I locked eyes with Naruto for a moment and then we both turned to Sai.

"Sai you're still here?" Naruto asked.

"Was I not supposed to be here?"

I knew exactly what Naruto was feeling. I had been so focused on the conversation I had completely forgotten that Sai had been in the room. I replayed the conversation in my head almost in a blind panic. I was terrified that something intimate might have been said in Sai's presence.

"Was that supposed to be a private moment?" Sai asked

Naruto's face was then caught in some odd transitional state between being himself and so being frustrated and being the Seventh and taking it in stride. The Seventh won out.

"Anyway thank you Sakura. This information that you've presented is invaluable."

With as much rigid formality I could muster I managed to squeak out some form of "it was my pleasure."

Naruto cleared his throat before announcing that he would definitely have a long talk with the Mizukage. After that we were dismissed. I was at the door when Naruto called out to me.

"Sakura if you can honestly say you don't enjoy it anymore, I'll let it go."

I didn't answer Naruto. I didn't have an answer for him. I continued through the door. As we stood outside of Naruto's room Sai turned to me with a very pleased look on his face and said; "I enjoy when we as a group have these frank and introspective discussions. It implies a closeness in our bond that I truly appreciate."

At that point I was too emotionally raw to contemplate what Sai was talking about. I agreed with him and called it a day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

July 1

Not sure what to make of what just happened. I was helping prep the emergency room for the coming preliminaries when I saw Sai patrolling the area. The moment he caught sight of me he had rushed over.

"He seems very troubled. Perhaps you can help." Was all Sai said before gesturing for me to follow him.

"He" of course was Naruto. Sai brought me to the featured restaurant in the hotel where we found Naruto sitting alone in VIP section clicking away at his laptop. I mentioned to Sai that Naruto didn't seem all that upset.

"Do you know what he hates the most when he is working? When someone breaks his concentration."

Sai pretended to trip and knocked a lone glass from an empty table to the ground. The glass shattered against the ground, breaking the quiet stillness of the restaurant. Naruto's head snapped up and his blue eyes blazed with shadowed intensity. When his eyes focused on us they cooled considerably.

For as long as I've known Naruto it was generally never too difficult to figure out what he thought or how he felt about most things. However, the reality was that the more passionate versions of his emotions rarely broke through the surface. During our childhood the first impressions many had of Naruto was that he wore his heart out on his sleeve. If that was the impression you got of him you'd be right and wrong at the same time. Or perhaps it's better to say your insight would have been shallow. The water on the surface of Naruto's lake was crystal clear, transparent even, but it ran deeper than you could imagine. If you paid attention you'd realize he knew how to govern his passions to an enviable degree. If he wanted you to know he was angry you would see his anger. If he didn't want you to know he was sad you'd see a near genuine smile. What he expressed emotionally was completely contingent on what Naruto felt really mattered in any given situation. Countless people had imagined they had Naruto figured out from their first impression of him, and he would of course surprise them, time and time again.

I include myself in that group.

After Sai helped a staff member of the restaurant clean up his mess. Naruto beckoned us to his table.

"Just in time for lunch."

As we ate I couldn't help but notice that Naruto was being unusually quiet. I pointed this, among other subtle signs of his frustration, out to him but Naruto deflected my observations. As we neared the end of the meal Sai blurted out what I had been dancing around. "Naruto you seem upset"

Caution came upon Naruto's face. "I am fine."

Before either of us could respond Naruto gestured to a passing waiter who was carrying a tray of drinks. He then asked if either of us wanted a drink.

"A little early for that don't you think." I remarked.

He laughed and told me that I sounded like Shikamaru. This did not deter him from ordering a cup of wine.

"You should watch yourself with the drinks in this village Naruto. They can sneak up on you."

Naruto smiled. "Your concern is noted."

He then took a mouthful of wine.

By the time we had finished lunch Naruto had made the decision to confide in us. Well he told us as much as he could considering that what was discussed at Kage summit's was supremely confidential. It'd been obvious to the public that factions had sprung up among the Kages, mini alliances within the Alliance. Some of the new Kages from the more recent villages had decided that it was in their best interest to curb Naruto's influence on the shinobi world. So they undermined his proposals forcing him to have to present them again after adding significant concessions or amendments he rarely cared for.

"When I was saving their lives they loved me. Now that I have ideas that may change their lives they are scared of me."

"Some people want peace on their own terms" Sai said to Naruto.

It was very profound point. Unfortunately Sai continued to talk.

"Have you considered that your influence can reach beyond the Kages, to their council, to their people? With your status as a living legend many shinobi would prefer to be in your shadow rather than that of a typical Kage who is clearly inferior to you in strength. You can create factions in their village setting up the foundations for a coup d'etat. In two years time at the next summit meeting you reveal to the Kages that they can either submit to your will and stay as figurehead rulers of their village or they can face the humiliation of being stripped of their power by their village council."

Naruto leaned back in his seat. "I had not considered that Sai probably because I am not Danzo. Sometimes I forget that you used to be in ROOT."

"I am just presenting the obvious Naruto. The easiest route for you and everyone to lasting peace would be to either single highhandedly or with Sasuke's help wipe them all out in a magnificent display of power at the next summit, except for the Kazekage of course, then you declare yourself the Hokage of all Kages and have Sasuke as your-"

I interrupted Sai with a kick to his shins from beneath the table.

"Sai's just trying to help" I told Naruto.

Naruto nodded patiently. "Sai's not that far away from what some people think I am capable of. That's the frustrating thing about politics...it's still a war just without bloodshed."

After lunch we were dismissed by the Seventh. Sai and I loitered at the table for a moment but Naruto's focus was now completely on his laptop. We'd gotten as far as the entrance before I doubled back to Naruto's table. Upon reaching him I jumped right into my rant. I told Naruto a brief story about Tsunade's work ethic. Whenever Tsunade was working on a difficult project and things weren't really clicking for her she'd end the night by saying "I have not failed I've actually discovered five hundred ways that won't work." The night after if things still didn't go well she'd say "I have not failed I've actually discovered five hundred and one ways that won't work." She'd keep on going like that until she found the way that worked.

Naruto tilted his head away from the screen just enough to show that he acknowledged my presence.

"I know you will find the right way Naruto because I still believe in you." I blurted out to him. "Well I'm sure a lot of people still believe in you. I am definitely not claiming that I hold exclusive belief in you Naruto, I just wanted to remind you that I am still among those who still believe in you. And there are many who do."

Naruto turned away from the screen a grin making its way across his lips.

"I am trying to figure out how to order you to stop."

"Stop what?" I asked

"No it's impossible, you just do it naturally."

"Do what?"

"Being around you makes me feel very nostalgic. Sakura-c..." He swallowed his words, cleared his throat, swallowed again and chuckled.

"Thank you for the kind words Sakura. You may go now."

Once again I found myself in Naruto's presence with nothing meaningful to say to him. I left and reconnected with Sai outside the restaurant. After talking it over for awhile. We agreed to keep a closer eye on Naruto.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The problem was nostalgia. For whatever reasons, conscious or unconscious, lately whenever Sakura was around the air became heavy with nostalgia. After rising from the couch and stretching his limbs, Naruto drew in a deep breath. It was perfectly understandable he thought, perfectly natural if he were honest. Certain moods always descended upon him during chuunin-exams. Certain events triggered certain memories and those memories seldom come without baggage.

He let out a breath. Neji came to mind. Neji often came to mind when he attended a chunnin exam. His memories of their fight, of Neji's death, of Neji's life, they always carried what? Sorrow, regret and gratitude in their wakes. In somewhat similar fashion since Sakura had kissed him old feelings had resurfaced.

Naruto ran his palms across his face. Feelings, no he wouldn't go that far. Fantasies-memories of an old love? Love? No, not even that. Unrequited infatuation? Yes of course. Like a tired old man he was replaying-reliving the springtime of youth. Naruto laughed to himself. Gai and Lee would be proud.

He took another deep breath. The stress of the summit and the excitement of the exam had led to the reemergence of a past life. Was something similar occurring with Sakura? She did mention that he had caught her in a bad mood. Was a perfect wave of stress and nostalgia the explanation for the kiss? A possible answer but not a satisfying one. Desiring satisfaction that he wasn't even sure he could find returned to Sakura's journal.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

July 3

First time in two days that I've had the free time to write. Despite the harsh environment the kids really battled hard in the second stage and so too many genin end up passing on. The consequence of this has been an unprecedented and epic multi-day event of randomly selected one-on-one matches. Generational talent had been put on display during the preliminaries and any red-bloodied shinobi could only be excited for the level of skill we were sure to see at the finals.

Still even as we look forward to seeing more of the winners we should still acknowledge those who hadn't be as triumphant. When the preliminaries had ended I found myself treating a despondent genin from the Konoha. Although he'd managed to make it out of a close and engaging fight with only bruised ribs his loss had bruised his self esteem. While I was examining him for any possible head injuries he started to cry. After administering some kindness along with a sedative, I got him to confide in me. Despite having come this far, the boy felt like a failure, a disgrace to his team and village. He'd taken his loss hard so as I treated his ribs I gave him some advice that I'd gleamed over the years.

What I have learned in my life is that there was no such thing as failure to a person that had no lost his guts, character and self respect. A ninja that does the best he or she could do under a given circumstance is a true ninja. Besides there never existed a ninja who succeeded at every objective before him. The great ones however understood that glory came in the rising after every fall. As I talked the boy had remained quiet, when I looked to see if he was being receptive to my words I noticed the wide eyed expression on his face. I followed his gaze beyond my shoulder only to turn to find Naruto.

"Sorry to interrupt" he said staring at me. "It's been awhile since I've watched you work."

I looked a bit to see all the medics and technicians had stopped to stare at him. No one had anticipated that any of the Kages would come down to the medical rooms.

He asked me about the genin. I revealed that as of today no one had suffered any permanent injuries, and there were no casualties either. Naruto found this to be excellent news. I added that I was still a little concerned about him. By the looks of it he was still not getting enough sleep.

He smirked while narrowing his eyes playfully "I appreciate your concern but sleep is a luxury for a Hokage."

I raised my fist. "Naruto if you insist on not getting adequate rest. I'll put you to sleep myself."

He laughed, and then following his cue the eavesdroppers chuckled.

"I will definitely take that into consideration. I am sorry to have concerned you, but I will be fine."

"Of course you will be fine sir, you are the strongest man I know" I said.

Naruto glanced at the still wide-eyed genin. "Take good care of this one Sakura, I need guys like him. Gutsy guys. The future of our village is bright with ninja like him around to support me."

With that said Naruto left and after a few breaths the awestruck genin asked "That was the Hokage right?"

"Yep" I said.

The genin cried again for more joyous reasons this time. A young medic from Takigakure approached me tentatively and asked "You can call your Kage by his first name?"

I hope the next time Naruto wants to tell me he is okay he'll call rather than drop by the medical labs. It took me ten minutes to get everyone back to work.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

July 5th

Naruto and I have fallen into some strange kind of routine. At least "routine" is the only word I can think of at the moment to describe these successive encounters. There is a pause before the final rounds of the exam but we see each other frequently between the summit meetings. And yet we barely utter more than a few phrases to each other.

Maybe I am being too generous calling them actual interactions. Especially if the majority of them consist of us passing by each other as we head off in opposite directions. He would be the Seventh then, surrounded by important people chattering in his ear. They would stop at random intervals so Naruto could make some concise authoritative statement to no one in particular. The moment he stopped talking the chatter would start up again.

Whenever I got close enough to this cavalcade Naruto's eyes would cut towards me and I'd see a smile dance at the corners of her lips. I don't know why but I don't say "hello", I don't wave, I simply meet his gaze. And in the time it takes to draw in a breath we've turned away from each other.

The discreetness of the entire exchange is fascinating but odd. I'm not sure how to describe the tangible undercurrent of these moments. Is it it residual awkwardness from the kiss? Why would it manifest itself like this? The strangeness of these banal moments is that they somehow leave me terrified and elated.

I am a grown woman, a wife and a mother, what is wrong with me?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto stared at the journal. He contemplated destroying it or perhaps it would be better to order Sakura to destroy it. Could he do that? Could he ask that of her? Anyone who read the entry he just read may get the wrong idea. Was he getting the wrong idea? No, not after that last entry. With the damning evidence down on paper it all seemed obvious.

But where did this, where did it all come from? It still didn't make any sense. He kept reading.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

July 6th:

Quiet day today, thankfully. Heaven willing the rest our time in Amegakure will be as rational. Speaking of the village hidden by rain, I realized today that it hasn't rained a bit since we entered the village. I guess we're lucky for that. People may find it odd but a part of me was looking forward to experiencing some of this village's infamous gloomy weather. I've always found there to be a sad beauty in rainfall. I admit it's strange but to me the rain is quite beautiful to look at especially as it hits the surface of a windowsill. Little drops from the heavens, are they diamonds or teardrops? It depends on your mood.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

July 7th:

I just had a dirty dream.

I haven't had a dirty dream in a long time.

I am a grown woman, married, with a child. My days of dirty dreams should be long behind me. Yet it seems I had underestimated the effects of seeing Naruto half naked would have on me. In the dream I wore the same black dress that I had worn at the opening ceremony except that I was now matching it with knee-high black leather boots. I strutted right into the Hokage's office like I owned the place and no one in the receptionist's area had the nerve to say anything to me. When Naruto saw me come in he looked like he was ready to jump up from behind his desk.

I brought a lone finger to my lips gesturing for him to be still and be silent. I quietly locked the door behind me and then I sauntered over to him. With one sweep of my hand I knocked Naruto's laptop, his lamp, and most of his papers off his desk. I laid down on top of it with my right leg bent and my left extended.

Naruto placed his hand on my knee and ran his fingertips slowly along the inside of my thigh. I moaned softly when he leaned forward and kissed me on the side of my neck. I shivered when his fingers found their way beneath my dress and traced along the edges of my panties. They patiently took the scenic route towards my core. I called out his name and in response Naruto kissed my neck again and bit gently into my skin.

I reached out and pulled his face roughly to mine. His hand slid into my panties.

He whispered my name into my mouth slowly and with promise just as fingers slipped inside me.

Then I woke up.

With my heart pounding and my breathing ragged I ran towards the shower. I spent a while in the shower.

I am not sure how I will able to look Naruto in the eyes today.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Putting the journal to the side, Naruto marched to the kitchen, poured himself a cup of cold water, and then proceeded to dump the water over his head.

The truth now.

He had never stopped being physically attracted to Sakura. Growing close to Hinata had not made Sakura less appealing to him, it hadn't made her hideous. But his attraction became a distant one. When Naruto saw a picture of a beautiful woman he could objectively feel that the woman was alluring or captivating without feeling the pull, the longing to be with that woman. He could have said the same for Sakura for years now. Attraction without the desire for more than he had.

But then the kiss. Just with that it was as if recalling specific details of a once vague memory.

The desire for more returned. No it hadn't simply returned. It had returned with a vengeance. The attractions of his youth, wanting to get a kiss from her or take a peep at her in the baths carried with them an underlying innocence. All of that was a product of wanting to get to know her, to get close to her, to be by her side. His attraction had once been limited by experience. When you knew how it feels to have a woman's body press against yours, when you know firsthand how the female body can soften and sigh and accommodate you, the feeling of her body syncing with yours and what it means to get lost inside her...

Once you know...It made attraction a very different beast. Naruto swiped at his wet fce with his arms. He wondered if Sakura made love with her eyes closed or did her partner get to see her eyes cloud with desire. Did soft moans escape her lips or did she cry out in ecstasy?

He poured himself another glass of water, dumped it over his head, and returned to the journal.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jul 8:

I look Naruto directly in the eyes whenever I see him. If I look anywhere else I flashback to him in his boxers.

Not looking forward to sleeping tonight. If I have another dirty dream I'll wake up feeling guilty again. If I don't have another dirty dream I might wake up disappointed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jul 9:

Tonight started off well enough. But of course as expected with my luck recently, it took an unpredicatable turn. The Kage's meeting ended early so Sai and I were invited to have dinner with Naruto and we were soon joined by the Raikage and the Kazekage. As we shared food and drinks we covered every predictable topic under the sun. I found it adorable how Naruto's eyes lit up when he spoke of Himawari and Boruto. He was a proud papa. Eventually we moved to more familiar grounds, the past. Or more specifically the chunin exam Naruto, Gaara, and I had participated in. Gaara ended up apologizing to us over his actions for about the hundredth time since we had become friends. A few gulps of wine made Gaara insistent so the only thing either of us could do was gracefully accept his apology as if it were the first time either of us had heard it

Then things got strange. Naruto had inquired about Bee.

"He's in love," The Raikage had frowned. "Well to be more accurate he's obsessed."

Naruto took this revelation with amusement. The Raikage was not as happy about it. Quite frankly he seemed somewhat irritated by Bee's antics during his apparently fevered courtship.

"It's all he talks about at dinner tables or mission briefings." The Raikage declared.

"Bee did strike me as a romantic" Naruto stated.

"Really? I think this came out of nowhere. I don't remember him ever desiring to be in a-commited relationship."

"Such desires do not materialize out of thin air. He always had it you just never noticed." Gaara told the Raikage.

"Actually" Sai began. "It could have been spontaneous. No one is immune to the sudden arrival or departure of desire."

"That's an interesting point Sai" I said. "It's possible Bee may have had a sudden change of heart."

"Change for the worst." The Raikage sighed. "It's like he's lost his mind."

Taking this cue I told the group an amusing bit of medical history. Centuries ago love sickness had been listed as a medical condition. Of all the passions listed love was considered the most violent and troubling of all. Though not fatal it had considerable mental and physical effects on the people.

"So what did our ancestors think was the cure for this condition?" Naruto asked me.

"Well according to the scrolls when no other means will take effect. Let the patient go off and be with his lover."

"Sounds effective." Naruto said with a smirk.

"If I were perfectly honest...I don't know what Bee sees in her." The Raikage groused.

Naruto nodded. "Well what's that old saying, 'the heart has its reasons, which reason does now know.'"

Gaara aglow from his last cup of wine glanced across the dinner table at me and then Naruto. Sighing contently he announced, "Shukaku and I were a little surprised when we heard you married Hinata, Naruto. You had fought really hard to protect Sakura during our fight both of us thought you'd two would get together."

Naruto was seated to my left and I turned to him just as he turned to the right. I waited for him to comment but I suppose he'd been waiting for me to comment because Gaara's statement was met by absolute silence.

So of course Sai jumped, "That is interesting because I too once believed Naruto held strong feelings for Sakura."

Naruto addressed the table.

"I still do have strong feelings for Sakura...just not in the way you once thought Sai. Life is complicated. There was a confusing mix of emotion, angst, anger and hormones flying around our team and when you are young you think you were feeling one thing and it isn't until you get a little older that your realize it might have been something else."

Sai seemed to consider this. "So you are saying your feelings weren't real?"

"Sakura and I discussed it and we concluded that my feelings at the time may have stemmed from something other than love. Something inferior."

"Compared to Sakura's love for Sasuke" Sai added.

"Let's just say my feelings were not as big as her love for Sasuke."

Naruto laughed good naturedly. "So its easy to see why Sakura never considered me."

Despite my better judgment I said. "That's not true. I did consider you. I mean it did cross my mind."

"Really?" Sai asked.

Naruto returned his attention to me. His eyes were as steady as his voice.

"Sai, I think Sakura is just trying to spare my feelings."

He stared right into my eyes as he talked.

"Sasuke was-is the only love I've known that is true. But I did consider Naruto."

I was addressing the table as well but I didn't break our eye contact.

"Naruto was the strongest of the three of us-not just in a physical sense. In the sense of keeping himself together. Naruto is sweet and kind and he just naturally tries to take care of those around him. Of course I did consider Naruto but..."

I paused.

My brain might have been in overdrive but my mouth was still way ahead of it. The words formed in my mouth before they registered in my thoughts.

"Well...He didn't need me."

I broke our eye contact and stared down at my hands. It took me a moment to regain the courage to look back up at him.

"I wanted to be needed."

I barely heard Sai's voice over the sound my blood, rushing to my ears, I'm not sure what he said. I stared into Naruto's eyes with such intensity the only color I saw was blue.

"...So just like Hinata needed me." I had heard someone say.

And it took me a half a second to recognize it had been Naruto's voice. He broke our eye contract and turned back to the rest of the table and dispelled the tense atmosphere with a jovial smile. Naruto was one of those rare people who could alter moods with the twitch of his lips and and the twinkle of mischief in his eyes.

"In the end it all worked out for the best. We're both with the loves our lives, we're still friends, everyone is happy."

Sai nodded. "There's also a saying that true love like cream in homogenized milk will always rise to the surface. "

"I am not sure anyone has ever said those exact words Sai but the sentiment is sweet" I laughed.

The entire table broke out into laughter. No one laughed with more enthusiasm than Gaara whom right up to Sai's "quotation" had a guilty, embarrassed look on his face. It's obvious that he had no idea that his casual statement would have opened up such a can of worms. So of course he eagerly accepted this lighter tone. The conversation shifted to safer grounds as we snacked on dessert. After some cake and icecream our little party broke up for the night. In the process of bidding everyone goodnight I let it slip that I was going to the medical labs to pick up some notes I had left behind.

Well what happened at dinner was quite an emotional experience for me. But that turned out to be just the tip of the iceberg. What happened next was for better or worse the emotional highlight of the night. In the lab there were a handful of medics and technicians looking over some equipment. No one who would be really surprised to see me there during the night shift hours. I went to my office and waited for the inevitable knock on the door. It came about fifteen minutes after my arrival.

I took in a deep breath before calling out that the door was open,

Naruto eased into the room and shut the door quietly behind him. I waited for him to say something else but he simply studied me.

"There was no reason for me to lie" I said anticipating his thoughts. "Not this time..."

He didn't respond but I noticed his breathing was irregular. It was relatively shallow and swift, not usual from someone with Naruto's level of fitness or his demeanor. It was subtle though and would have escaped the notice of most people. But as a medic it would have been harder for me not to notice. He was, I realized, making a very good attempt to relax himself and regain his composure. What I could not tell by his breathing was if he was angry or simply hurt.

I stepped closer to Naruto and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing has changed Naruto."

He licked his lips, "I don't even know if I believe anything you say anymore."

"What?"

"I hear you but I can't tell..." The impact of his gaze on me was so intense that I took a half step back. "When you kissed me it-."

He cut himself off mid sentence and he let his eyes roam around the office.

"Why did you come to your office instead of going to your hotel room?"

"I figured you would want to talk. I thought I'd save us the trouble of having to explain you knocking on my door during the night."

"You thought you'd save us the trouble?"

He smiled.

"Am I that predictable Sakura?"

"It depends. When you get your mind to do something, you tend to just go and do i-"

Naruto interrupted me by pulling me close and giving me a long lingering kiss. I suppose if he wanted me to shut up that was one way to get me to do it. He broke the kiss and pulled back. I think now, in hindsight, that he was gauging my reaction. I was a little too stunned to speak but my body knew exactly what to do. I arched closer to him and Naruto dove in for seconds. This kiss was an explosion compared to the last two kisses. Urgency replaced sweetness when his lips covered, well I should say claimed my own. An anything but tentative tongue brushed past my lips and explored the world beyond. Once I got over my initial shock I responded with equal ferocity knocking the Hokage hat right off his head as I drove my fingers into his blonde hair. Then like a river meeting the sea I simply flowed into him.

Instinct and need drove me to edge both of us towards my desk. I was just about to push Naruto on top of a pile of injury reports when I heard heavy footsteps in the lab outside the door. Somebody coughed and we froze. Naruto's hands stalled on the first knotted button on my dress and my fingers stilled on the waistband of his pants.

We stood there for a minute, holding on tightly, breathing each other in. The footsteps faded away.

I think I made a noise between a giggle and a sigh right before I said, "That should not have happened."

"I shouldn't eat ramen, I shouldn't drink, I shouldn't kiss you. Sakura tell me why all the bad stuff are so addictive?"

I lowered my voice to a raspy tone. "In my professional medical opinion I think you just have an addictive personality. You get a taste of something good and you just want more."

Naruto gave me a wolfish grin. "I think you're right doctor I just can't help myself."

Heaven help me I giggled again when our lips met for a third and fourth time.

When the chuckles subsided Naruto pulled back. We just looked at each other, neither of us saying a word. I reached out and gently caressed his face, outlining his whiskers with my fingertips. In the silence of the room the moment passed and reality settled in for both of us.

"I think we've crossed a line." He said.

We released our grips on each other. Naruto glanced at the desk I followed his gaze. I believe it dawned on us both at the same time what would have happened had we been in a less public area. In the moment of silence that followed we readjusted our clothing, smoothed out our hair and buttoned what had been unbuttoned. All these actions occurred beneath a shared cloud of guilt.

Soon enough Naruto back to respectable form with his hat on and his spine straight and I found to courage to apologize.

He shook his head, apologizing to me "I should be...better than this"

"We both should be better...than this" I conceded.

Naruto walked towards the door but stopped with his hand on the knob. "Before I met you, I wanted to be the Hokage. I don't recall much about my life befor that dream was part of my life. I can't even imagine what a Uzumaki Naruto who didn't want to be a Hokage would look like. I knew from a very early age that nothing, nothing on this earth would get in the way of my dream."

He look over his shoulder at me. "Sakura you and I are very similar. Was-Am I wrong to think that?"

I felt a hard lump in my throat and I did my best to swallow it. "We are similar in many ways."

Naruto waited a beat before adding, "I thought so."

He studied me for a moment before leaving. No more words were exchanged, no secretive touch, no discreet eye contact-no goodbye smooch.

I took a moment then to assess myself. I waited for guilt, and shame to engulf me. They came in time. I felt shame when I thought of Sarada and the kind of woman I wanted to be in her eyes. I felt guilty when I thought about the vows that I had made and the promises I had broken if not physically but mentally. I regretted that my life had reached a point where the kiss of a man other than my husband would leave a song humming in my veins.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto recalled the moment after the second kiss when Sakura had pushing up against him. It was then that it had dawned on him what was happening. At that moment in time he had wanted nothing more than for it to happen. It was like losing himself to Kurama the way he had lost his senses.

In the aftermath, while he was in his room and with reason returned to him, he found himself overwhelmed by guilt. He considered calling to his wife. Coming clean to Hinata, letting her know what had happened, how he felt. He wanted to tell the truth. But what had been the truth? What could he tell her? Was it lust, love? When did he fall in love with Sakura? When did he have time to fall in love with his busy schedule?

He didn't call her. He was supposed to make her happy, supposed to keep her happy, that was his role as a husband. He had an obligation to Hinata, she was his wife, the mother of his children, his greatest fan. He hated to disappoint her.

Naruto had no intention of breaking up his marriage. However in a moment of clarity, even when his lust had abated, he was aware that the temptation to go back to Sakura was a real one. It was something more that just a physical reaction. This feeling though familiar frightened him. It frightened him more than any enemy combatant ever could.

Naruto laughed as he flipped the next page in Sakura's journal, he was in the same position that he had been many years ago. Of his feelings he was sure of Sakura's he could not be certain.

XXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jul 10:

Infidelity is an ugly word.

An even uglier act

Nothing good can come from it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jul 10:

There were times while Sarada was at the academy that I would lay down in bed and think to myself. There must be more to love than this. If I were to find something more in the arms of someone other than my husband would that really make me a monster? Perhaps

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jul 11

Naruto forgets that he and Sasuke are also alike. Sasuke also had a dream that no one would get in the way of. Sasuke lived out his dream and has yet to forgive himself for its completion.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jul 12:

If I can just keep everything contained to my private thoughts. Then it isn't all that bad. If it's all a fantasy than I haven't betrayed anyone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jul 13:

Sai came to me while I was on my lunch break.

"He's upset again."

We got to Naruto's hotel room just as Gaara was stepping out. The Kazekage closed the door behind him with a heavy sigh. I threw questions at him. I managed to only get a vague and cryptic answer, which was all things considered a victory.

"The further we get from the war the easier it is for idealism to be replaced by everyday."

It wasn't much but it shed a little light on what I could expect from Naruto's mindset. We entered the hotel room to find Naruto scolding his laptop.

"I needed the revision yesterday! Not today, not tomorrow, not next week, I needed it yesterday!"

Shikamaru's voice came through speakers. "I'll try and get it to you tonight."

"Don't try, get it to me Shikamaru! Get me that revision because I am drowning here and you are supposed to be my lifeboat!"

Naruto slammed the lid of the laptop shut. He turned to us his eyes wild with passionate fury.

"What do you want?" He grunted.

Before we could say anything Naruto cut us off with a wave of his hand.

"Actually no, I am headed out. I need some air."

Sai stepped forward. "Are you leaving the hotel? I have to alert securirty when you leave..."

Naruto shook his head. "I don't have time for that"

"But the Alliance has set rather definite regulations about moving around-"

Naruto interrupted Sai with a spat.

"If there is someone out there who is strong enough to kill me Sai what can you or Amegakure's security protocol do against him? I'd have to protect you guys! You guys would be burdens to me. You are useless Sai, can't you see that?!"

I slapped Naruto across the face with my open hand. It wasn't something I consciously thought about doing. It just happened and I heard Sai gasp.

"Ask me again if I think you've changed." I said to Naruto.

The Seventh stepped back. He was hurt, he was humiliated. But mostly the slap had startled him. He put his hands up toward his face and looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes. I've hit Naruto so many times over the years and I think this was the first time I had ever truly hurt him.

He wasn't alone. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks

After a moment he closed his eyes and when he reopened them he offered me and Sai an oddly composed stare.

"Anyone who is still in this room when I get back will be stripped of their rank."

He maqrched out of the room leaving me and Sai alone.

"I suppose we should just give him some space for now" Sai mused. He was surprisingly unfazed by what just happened. I took a bit of confidence from that.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jul 15:

"What do you want Uchiha-san?" Naruto slurred at me when I first approached him.

I suppose "Uchiha-san" was supposed to hurt me but he was the one who flinched at his own words. As if he had tossed explosives at me but was standing too close to the explosion to avoid the sharpnel.

Unlike Tsunade and Lee, Naruto was a mellow drunk. A certain amount of liquor made him docile, it made him slower. Booze always seemed to curb his personality. However, it also made him less inclined to guard some of his more private thoughts.

"They've got really tasty drinks here don't they?"

"It's something else" Naruto answered.

"Sai told me you apologized to him. He also said that you were brooding in your room."

Naruto had been sitting in a reclining chair on the balcony of his room when I entered. We were on the thirtieth floor so he was staring out into the horizon with a bottle of sake at his side.

"I do not brood Sakura. I am reflecting on my life."

"You are drunk."

"I reflect better when I am drunk."

"Well brooding, reflecting, I am here to cheer you up."

"You really shouldn't be here" he said.

I asked why not.

He looked me up and down in an exaggerated manner and said, "Because like you said I am drunk. And you might think you know what I need. But I know what I want."

He fell abruptly silent, as if he felt he had said too much. He turned away embarrassed.

"Sorry about that. That was-I don't know what that was."

I stepped deeper into the balcony. "That was you being drunk. It doesn't matter though I probably trust you more than anyone."

Naruto offered me a skeptical look. "Really, even after what happened in your office?"

"I am fairly sure I actively participated in that incident."

"I might drunkenly fondle you."

"Only if I let you."

Naruto's right eyebrow rose suggestively.

"No."

"It would cheer me up though."

"You are a married man Naruto. I am a married woman."

"Yeah we were married two days ago in your office and look how that turned out..."

I conceded his point as he sipped from the bottle.

He then sighed. "I'm sorry about the other day Sakura. I was projecting my own uselessness on someone else. Projecting is the right word right?"

I answered that though the usage was correct the context seemed questionable.

"I am failing as the Hokage Sakura," Naruto told me as if it were the most obvious news in the world.

"How can you possibly think that?"

He explained that when it was becoming clear that Naruto's time to be Hokage was fast approaching he asked Shikamaru to calculate the chances of a war breaking out during his tenure. Shikamaru came to him the next week with troubling news.

Naruto quoted Shikamaru's exact words to me very dramatically.

"These are all estimations of course. But based on the current political climate as long as you remain as strong as you are for the rest of your life there will be less than twenty percent chance of a war breaking out between the villages while you live. If you lost your power or died of natural causes in office there's a Fifty five percent chance there will be a war between at least two village within fifteen years of your death or loss of power. War will break out within one year if you are assassinated and Sasuke is still alive."

"Sasuke would probably not react to your assassination in a reasonable manner" I told Naruto.

Naruto snorted "A fine mess for my successor to clean up."

Naruto had asked Shikamaru to elaborate on the report. And his future councilor did. It seemed the fighting hadn't stopped because of any serious idealism forged by camaraderie discovered during the war. The reality was nothing at the moment had been worth fighting for to risk Naruto and Sasuke intervening. At best in a conflict between nations or villages Naruto and Sasuke could stop a fight and humiliate the combatants in front of the entire world. At worst if either Naruto or Sasuke picked a side during a conflict the other side faced the prospect of complete destruction. The scales would realign themselves when one of them died. With better odds they would take more risks.

"So I thought to myself I have to change the way people think about certain things. But I needed to do something without being the big stick hovering over everyone. Without being the weapon that Nagato left behind to keep people in check. I needed people to be open to change without me having to flex first."

Immediately after becoming Hokage, Naruto had Shikamaru began to work around the clock to come up with ways to further the international peace movement. However whenever Naruto presented some of his ideas to other Kages, the newer ones especially, the Daimyos, or other heads of state, they talked over him, they talked down to him, they talked through him. They talked to him about economics, history, geography, they had many legitimate reasons and many excuses to paint him as just an idealistic dreamer. A very strong dreamer though, worth meeting, worth respecting for his battle prowess, worth going to for protection if need be, but a dreamer nonetheless. So they did their best to keep information from him, to leave him confused and misinformed, they chuckled right in his face if he was caught lacking in knowledge of the current topic of discussion. In some instances he had found himself feeling as if he had been transported back to his "deadlast" days in the academy.

"To change a political climate you've got to be political right? I needed to think like them, I needed to be able to maneuver around words and people, to read between lines like them, I need to know what they knew. I worked hard at that for a long long time. I learned how to be a politician Sakura, and I used what I learned over the years to get this chunin exam."

"It's a tremendous achievement," I said.

"You would think that. Except that it's scared some people. Some of the kages don't trust me anymore. They think I have too much influence on the world stage. Sakura this whole time I thought I was working with them towards achieving the chunin exams. It turns out I had been fighting them, I fought with politics instead of my fist to get this. There's more tension now then there was when I got into office. All these years and I've made it worse."

He took another swig of sake.

"With the way things are now if I die tonight within fifteen years there is a better than fifty percent chance of a war breaking out. That means Boruto, Sarada, Himawari will have to fight, they'll have to watch their friends die. What is the point of anything I've ever done if I can't even keep our children out of war Sakura?!"

I asked Naruto if he thought he could stop wars forever. He didn't think so, but he had pledged to himself that he would at least minimize the possibility that his children would experience the horrors of war.

"I am the Hokage, I should be making a better future for the next generation."

I mentioned to him that I thought he had been changing the world by just being him. To me he had been changing the world before he even became Hokage. I told him how Sarada will look to her father and try to decipher what being a shinobi really means. She'll learn from him that a shinobi loves and protects her village and her family and she should never give up on them. When she comes to me for the same thing, I'll tell her that a shinobi tries to understand others, even her enemies. That compassion is not a weakness and love is a strength. Both of our answers will come from our personal experiences with the same man. Hopefully Sarada will pass this example on to her children, just like Boruto and Himawari will pass it on to their children. Ino's children, Shikamaru's children, Konohamaru's children hopefully they will all pass it down.

"That sounds like the Will of Fire" Naruto said.

I insisted that it was different. This was new. The First was only thinking about Konohagakure. If one percent of the people who felt Naruto's feelings during the war pass it on to their children and they pass it on to their own. one day then what it means to be a shinobi will be completely different than what Hashirama even imagined. And the world would be a better place for it.

"Hopefully" Naruto said. "Maybe you are giving me too much credit Sakura "

"No I don't think so Naruto. You are actually the coolest guy."

Naruto tried to suppress a smile, but he did not quite make it.

"Hey don't hide it from me, I like that smile."

He grinned. He then brought the half finished bottle of sake to his mouth but stopped himself and placed it back down on the ground beside him.

"Thank you."

"No, I should thank you for inviting me here. I really enjoyed working with medical ninjutsu again. Naruto I really do love being a medic."

"Give me a phone, I'll reinstate you as the lead medic in Konoha right now."

It made me really happy to know that Naruto believed in me so much. I said that to him. But I had to decline. Sarada needed me, I may be an ineffectual wife but I've devoted myself to being a great mother.

Naruto started to say something, but seemed to think better of it, "...I understand."

"I've made my choices and I'll stick to them."

Naruto looked at me, considering. "Sakura, are we going to have an affair?"

I was standing still and yet somehow I almost tripped over my own feet.

"Who said anything about an affair?!"

Naruto shrugged. "No one has said anything about an affair. There's just this thing going on between us."

"A thing?" I asked.

"A thing. And it keeps me up at night."

He paused.

"I didn't mean for it to sound like that."

I draw in three deep breaths. Then I gave Naruto my opinion on our "thing."

"It was like you explained at dinner. Life is complicated. There was a confusing mix of emotion, angst, anger and hormones flying around when we were younger. It could be happening again. I had been feeling really lonely lately and Naruto had been feeling very stressed. The circumstances we found ourselves in, created fantasies in our minds. Fantasies that we might be able to turn the clock back, return to a time when we were young and fresh and innocent and we only had our dreams. When we feel any sort of distance between ourselves and our spouses we build intimate connections with people whom we believe we might be able to relive our lives, it's an impossible but attractive dream."

Naruto stared at me his reddened eyes wide. "Wow, you've given this a lot of thought."

"I-I've been thinking things through since the scene in my office. I don't want to make a mistake based on poor judgment and wishful thinking." I said.

"So if we were in love, right now, it wouldn't be a mistake?"

"It would still be a mistake" I pointed out. "We would simply have a better excuse for making a mistake than we do now."

"You are smart Sakura you should have been Hokage."

Naruto looked me over again. This time without the exaggerated lust that was meant to scare me off. When he spoke again his voice had changed, it was kind and generous and cheerful, like the Naruto of old.

"You know the truth is, it would have never worked out between us. You would have been mean to me all the time."

I smiled. "You would annoy me all the time."

"I bet you snore Sakura."

"I do not snore!"

"Not only do you snore you hog all the blankets."

"I bet you eat in bed and leave crumbs all over the place," I countered.

"You don't even know how to cook ramen do you?"

"You don't know how to eat anything besides ramen do you?"

"It's obvious Sakura, you and I were not meant to be."

Naruto smiled. The slightest kindest smile. He looked at me the same way he had looked at me while standing on my doorstep in Konohagakure months ago. I knew then that I was in love with Naruto. I was on the verge of my own emotional breakdown. But the moment wasn't about me, It was about Naruto. We chatted and laughed some more our conversation colored meticulously in between platonic lines. Eventually he began dropping hints that I should leave. I suspected he had some more "reflecting" to do so I dragged the conversation until he announced that he intended to go to bed. I didn't believe him but I couldn't babysit him.

Before I left I said to him that he really had no need to redefine himself to be a good Hokage. If anything he should redefine what it means to be a good Hokage. He nodded to me in silent acknowledgment of the statement. I do not know if my words had any impact on him or if he simply just wanted me leave. I left reluctantly and I retreated back to my room where I granted myself the opportunity to shatter properly.

I had told Naruto the truth when I said that he had caught me at a bad time right before I kissed him. I had been indeed, at that moment, vulnerable to his presence. But as history has proven its when I am at my most vulnerable that my relationship with Naruto clarifies itself. I can admit it to myself now I kissed him because I love my stupid Hokage. As much as it sounds like the plot of a trashy novel I am a woman, mother, wife, who is in love with her boss. I didn't tell Naruto this because he would want to know how, and why now? After all these years, after all that has happened. What could I say really? Could I really tell him it's because of the way he looked at me. Naruto probably doesn't even know he does it.

I am reminded now of cryptic remarks uttered to me by Tsunade randomly for years when in her most inebriated states

"Naruto still looks at you like you're a woman."

She would ay this to me and I would simply nod my head at her. How else was Naruto supposed to look at me? I was a woman after all. I didn't get it, I had stopped paying attention long ago. Then he invited me to be part of the chunin exams. Naruto stood at my door and his warm eyes washed over me. He didn't just simply see me as a woman like Tsunade had said. I was a mother, I was a trusted friend, I was someone who had talent, who had skill, someone who he admired, someone beautiful and sexy, someone who was worth being looked at with love by someone like him.

That wasn't the first time he had looked at me that way. I can remember now bits and pieces, moments in time, the look had been there. It had always been there. I kissed Uzumaki Naruto, my friend, my Hokage, a married man I now love, six months ago, and fifteen years too late.

After the war I had concluded his feelings for me were rooted in his rivalry with Sasuke, that made more sense to me at the time than anything else. And it made things much easier. No would get hurt if that were the truth. So for years this was our truth. Naruto was happy with Hinata and I was happy with Sasuke, everyone got what they wanted.

So what right did I have to love Naruto now?

In years these kisses will be harmless kisses between friends. This will again be our truth and it will become the truth. Naruto will continue to be happy with his family, and I will be happy with my family.

Everyone will be happy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Of all the emotions that swelled beneath him anger was the first to break through. In a fury Naruto slammed Sakura's journal on the coffee table. He then sat back on the couch and waited for his rage to settle. Whom was he mad at? Himself, Sakura, the universe?

Love he had always known was a powerful individual driving force. But was a person driven by that force obligated to respect the personal force driving another? This is what Naruto had considered in a far less sophisticated manner years ago when he had first seen signs of Sasuke reciprocating Sakura's affection. Sakura was in love. Naruto was in love too. There was an obvious conflict. When Naruto considered Sakura's love. When he considered how it had remained intact through various trials and tribulations. When he considered how much she was willing to sacrifice for Sasuke. He didn't think he could win, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to win. Why cut Sasuke from a potential source of happiness? Truth be told he admired the depth of Sakura's feelings. In many ways he could have related. So for the first time in his life Naruto conceded defeat without trying his best.

When Sasuke had gone on the first of his many journeys Sakura measured their friendship for any sign of hard feelings. Naruto downplayed his intentions and she was left with her assumptions. He didn't fight her on it. It didn't matter whether they, her assumptions, were true or not. The results would be the same. Perception became reality and he opened his heart to alternatives.

Naruto sighed as he lifted himself off the couch

An alternative had presented itself. And he fell in love again. No, it had been a different feeling with Hinata, he didn't fall, he accepted love. He wanted to protect and take care of her. He wanted to be there for her. It seemed inevitable. He thought it was mature, a mature love that would carry him through the rest of his life. He made a home with Hinata. They had established a future.

As Naruto headed to the bathroom memories of his visit to the Uchiha household floated to his mind. Even before the kiss when they were just talking about the chunin exam the familiarity had been there. But he was being disingenuous. Familiarity wasn't the right word to use. It was chemistry. The conversation had been like a dance, he dipped, she dipped, they matched each other's stride, it was fun. He gone over to give her a briefing of sorts, a mission with objectives and it was fun. When it was over he hadn't wanted to leave. He couldn't stay so he just took a moment to look at her. She noticed his look, closed her eyes, lifted her head and their lips collided.

In hindsight there had been other moments like that in the past. Of course none of them had ended with a kiss but the atmosphere had been similar. Brief moments during birthday parties, village festivals, and the occasional double date. A glance here, an affectionate touch there, the occasional playful conversation, a smile seen from the corner of his eyes. Platonic moments of course since they were old friends.

Naruto turned the tap in the bathroom sink and allowed the cold water to pool in his hands. He splashed the water across his face and the bracing cold shocked his system.

He had reset. Now it was time to decide what kind of a man Uzumaki Naruto was.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sakura was disheveled in appearance and emotion when she entered Naruto's room later that evening. She noted immediately that he appeared to be in no better shape at least in his outward appearance. Any sleep he had gotten had not been a restful one. But at least he wasn't wet.

"You were out in that rain?" Naruto asked.

"Yep. It's cats and dogs out there" she replied. The downpour had hit her out of the blue. Within minutes, she was soaked through. Now water dripped from her hair onto the hotel room's carpet.

"Out for a walk?" He asked.

"Trying to clear my head. Should have brought an umbrella."

The chunin exams had not been easy on either of them. But it was almost over. When they got home in a few days, when they were around the safety net of their friends and family things would go back to normal.

Naruto had been standing near the glass doors that led out into the balconly. When she started to move deeper into the living room Naruto stopped her by putting his hand up.

"I am sorry" He stated.

She stared at him quizzically"For what?"

Naruto pointed to the notebook that lay on the coffee table.

"I stole your journal from your room. I read it."

She charged.

Naruto slipped away from her blow in a blast of chakra.

Now standing a few feet away from her he said, "As sorry as I am and I am truly sorry. I can't let you kill me Sakura."

She turned to him her fists clenching. "It'll be okay as long as I restart your heart within four to six minutes.."

Naruto scratched at his cheek. "Let's talk about this reasonably."

"Reasonably? You ass!You broke into my room and stole my journal!"

"Okay there's nothing reasonable about what I did. But still let's talk."

She turned away from him and walked towards the balcony. She drew in three quick breaths while watchig sporadic raindrops collect on the glass doors.

"Sakura...I needed to know."

"Well now you know. And it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't change anything. What was the point?"

"I had to know" Naruto repeated.

She turned to him. "And?"

"And I fell for you again, no maybe I never stopped loving you I don't know. Maybe you are right, maybe its was triggered by stress or some other psychological thing whatever. All I know is it's real, my feelings are real."

"And what good do all these revelations do for us?" Sakura asked with her eyes misting over.

"With everything out in the open we can now proceed accordingly."

Naruto straightened his posture and drew in a massive breath.

"Sakura it's very simple we are going to ignore it all. Live our lives as if none of this ever happened"

"It's that easy?" Sakura asked.

"I never said it would be easy Sakura I said it's simple. The answer to this problem is a simple one, living it out is hard. In time it'll just fade away like a hard to remember dream."

"Poetic" Sakura smiled. "You know I used to believe that feelings couldn't change."

"Sakura even if it's true that feelings can't change, the fact is they can be ignored. "

The Seventh walked over to the coffee table and picked up the notebook. He took a few steps towards Sakura and extended the journal out to her.

"Sakura the path I've walked has given me Boruto and Himawari. If I were sent back and given the choice I'd walk down the same path again. I'm sure you feel the same way about Sarada."

"Absolutely." Sakura took notebook from him, and in the exchange she perceived the wisdom of Naruto's words. Though there was a slight coldness in them. An accurate if not harsh assessment of their reality. Clutching her journal in her hands she understood that Naruto was right, her options were crystal clear. Love or loss, similar words, four letters, one syllable each.

"You know I think I was scared" Naruto said.

"Scared?"

"I knew how you felt about Sasuke. But I could have confessed anyway just for the closure if nothing else. But it's easier not to knock than to have the door close on your face."

"You were scared? You mister defier of impossible odds, the legendary Stubborn Fox of Konohakagure?"

Naruto shook his head, "I never liked that nickname. Yeah I guess I was scared but I knew it would work out for the best and it has."

"What would you have said to me?" Sakura inquired.

Confusion masked Naruto's face.

"If you had back then, if you had a chance to tell me how you felt, what would you have said?"

Naruto turned away and chuckled. "I wrote it down you know...back then, I had it all down. I used to practice in front of a mirror. Then I throw it out."

"Do you remember any of it?"

"I don't understand..."

"I think this will help." Sakura said. "It's closure..."

"Closure?"

"Trust me."

After a moment of contemplation or hesitation Naruto began "I would have said-I would have said that Sakura I spent a lot of time trying to read your mind. I can't read it but I still try all the time. I think I know what would make you happy. But I can''t really know. Can you really know everything about someone else? Probably not. You Sakura, you don't know much I want to love you..But I know how much I love you. I know that if were together I would get on your nerves, and we would fight a lot. And I can't be the type of cool guy that you want. But I know that I can love you constantly with everything I have. Because I want too. I know I am selfish and I am greedy, because I want to be the one to make you happy, I want to wipe away your tears, I want be the one to make you smile."

Naruto paused, interrupted seemingly by a sudden memory. He then sighed "And that's what I would have said to you."

"What do you think I would-How would I have answered your confession?"

"I expected you to say 'thank you for your feelings Naruto. I appreciate them but I am in love with Sasuke.'"

Sakura drew in a deep breath and looked Naruto in the eyes. "Thank you for your feelings Naruto. I appreciate them but I am in love with Sasuke."

Naruto studied her but said nothing.

"Naruto am I telling the truth? Can you tell? Do you believe me?"

"I don't" he said, his voice slightly cracked.

With her heart beating with a rapidness that frightened her. Sakura deftly slipped her wedding ring off her finger and placed it down on the coffee table. She looked back at Naruto.

"I'll face the rain. For a touch of the sun" Her voice quivered with such vulnerability, that it made Naruto ache. Looking carefully he could see the resolve and passion of her stubborn nature burning behind her eyes.

"Ah" he sighed. "I remember why I love you."

Naruto lifted his hand and glanced at his fingers. He slid the ring from his finger, walked stiffly over to the coffee table, and put his ring down next to Sakura's. He cupped her face with both hands and kissed her once, briefly, before he put one hand behind her neck and the other at the small of her back, pulling her into a deeper kiss. Sakura reached over, running a hand from his arm to his chest then down to rest on his waist line.

With no desk in the hotel room, Naruto reasoned he would have to make do with a bed. Walking her backwards he guided her towards the bedroom. They stumbled out of the living room running into furniture and almost tripping over each others feet multiple times in their frenzied need to cling to each other. Locked in a ceaseless kiss they bounced against the walls of the hall leading to his bedroom until they pushed through the door.

They finally broke apart when they were mere steps away from his bed.

"We're here" Naruto laughed.

"Almost didn't make it" Sakura laughed back.

Naruto reached to her and started slowing unbuttoning her clothes. Anxious she licked her lips as her dress began to slip from her shoulders. When he reached the last button he whispered her name. A question not a statement, an opportunity for her to pull back and retreat.

She pressed her hand against the back of his neck and brought his mouth to hers. So the dress fell to the floor leaving her in her boots bra and panties. Naruto picked her up as if she were light as a feather and laid her down on his bed. With one hand he removed her bra. His tongue moved down her torso before he slipped off her panties and finally her boots. Sakura stretched out in his bed completely naked and Naruto straightened to take the sight in. She took pleasure in the fact that he liked what he saw. It was her turn now so she reached up and undressed him kissing every inch that was uncovered

When he was fully nude she kissed his chest and dropped lower pausing briefly at his nipple then inching closer to his belly. When her tongue caressed the tip of him his whole body grew rigid.

"Sakura" he said. Not really knowing why. Was he trying to stop her? Was he encouraging her. He didn't know, his brain wasn't functioning properly.

She took him in her mouth. As deep as she could before sucking hard all the way back to the tip.

"Okay" Naruto heard himself mutter. He rested his hands on her head. This time for sure to encourage her. He ran his fingers through her hair as she worked her mouth up and down his shaft.

"Slow down Sakura" he warned after a few more blissful moments.

She either didn't hear him or she didn't care. She began humming so her lips vibrated as she worked her way down the shaft to the groin and his eyes started to lose focus.

"Sakura I am going..."

Sakura pulled up. "It's alright I want you to.."

She went back down to take him in again but this time he pulled away almost falling completely off the bed.

"No, no, not yet." he said to her.

He kissed her and let his hands cup her breasts. He kneaded her gently as he maneuvered her down onto her back. Then he nudged her legs apart and knelt between them. He bent down and his tongue parted her lips. She arched towards him. He braced his hand on her thighs and held her steady as long deep thorough licks aross her hypersensitive nub set her on her fire. His pride swelled when she began to babble gibberish at him. Nonsensical phrases and wordless moans with his name interposed between them filled his ear when his tongue circled her. In time she strained upwards with her fist clenching his hair and her head thrown back. When her legs wrapped tightly around his head and her body quaked he knew he had her.

Naruto pulled up over Sakura and he rained he kisses down on her face as she caught her breath. He then kissed around her breasts the left and the right, each nipple hardened the moment his tongue slipped over it. Abruptly she reached down and grabbed him by the back of his head

"Okay it's been fifteen years of foreplay Naruto. I want to feel you" She growled.

He grinned. "

When he entered her she was soaking wet. He pulled out almost all the way and returned with one great thrust. At first he wanted to tease her a bit but when he was sheathed completely in her slickness he felt the overwhelming sensation that this was where he belonged. He closed his eyes and the weight of the world seemed to lift right off his shoulders. Years of weariness melted away from his body. He felt a soft hand caress his cheek and he opened his eyes.

Sakura looked up at him. "Hey, let me in."

He smiled as their gazes locked. Naruto moved in and out in a slow steady rhythm. Deeper, harder. inch by heated inch he buried himself inside her. She squeezed him using her inside muscles to pull on him. He shuddered feeling the fire build. He shook it off willing himself to maintain control. He took her shoulder in his mouth gently grazing it with his teeth and sucking on it until she gasped out loud.

He felt her body tighten and relax against him. She was tipping over the edge losing herself. He smiled knowing for sure that he had her again. But then she wrapped her legs around him bringing him impossible closer, and she kissed along his chest and neck

He lost it

His steady rhythm collapsed into a frantic frenzied pace. He sent her over the edge but he followed right after. Naruto shuddered violently as he came inside her.

When he could think again Naruto dropped his sweaty forehead down to hers. "Sakura"

"Yeah?" She said riding her own wave.

"That's two to one."

"I see."

Sakura braced her elbow onto the bed and placed her open palm against his chest. She pushed while simultaneously sliding out from beneath him. Suddenly Naruto found himself flipped onto his back.

Sakura straddled his body. She took a hold of him in her hand and within a few gentle strokes he was hard again.

"All I know is I'm going to put you to sleep"

She guided him into her. Then she plunged downward fully impaling herself onto him. Sakura contracted her muscles around him. Then she moved her hips once testing. Naruto's eyes squeezed shut and his fingers dug into the skin of her buttocks. She braced her hands on her knees and lifted her pelvis, then dropped it back down again slowly, rising and falling.

Increasing the intensity she braced her hand on his shoulders and increased her pace. She positioned herself in a way that Naruto could more effectively rub against her. Pleasure slammed against her as she rode him with fast movements of her hips. Naruto threw his head back on the pillow his face twisted in pleasure and it only encouraged her further.

She tooks his hands and leaned back creating new friction at a new angle. Naruto was sweating profusely now desperately tried to regain control before he lost it completely. He had to make her go first. He locked his hand on her waist as his body leapt beneath her. His body bridged upward violently, Sakura wrapped her legs tightly around his buttocks, grabbed his shoulders and held on, riding him furiously. Naruto's body buckled. If he was going to go he wouldn't go alone. He used every ounce of willpower he had to latch on to her body and he thrust upwards relentlessly. Sakura dug her nails into his back as she emitted a silent scream and she abandoned herself to a series of continuous explosions. As her body rocked against his Naruto erupted into her and fell back onto the bed climaxing with a deep guttural moan.

He almost gave himself over to the light. But he thought to himself that the night was still young, He wasn't one to give up that easy. He shook the fog from his head when he felt Sakura nibbling at his ear.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto woke several hours later.

In fact when he woke up he woke all at once with his eyes popping open and him being keenly aware of his environment. He felt more refreshed and alive than he had in some time. It was the complete opposite of the hangover fueled morning the day before.

"I told you I'd put you to sleep" Sakura said.

Naruto turned his head and looked at her. Sakura sat up in bed with her knees pulled up to her chest. She appeared to be wide awake.

"More like you were trying to give me a heart attack."

She grinned. "I would have revived you."

"Did you sleep at all?' He asked.

"I woke up a few minutes before you did. Don't worry I slept like a baby as well. You did real goooood Naruto."

He laughed. "That's good to know."

She turned away and drew in a deep breath. "We should probably talk about...everything."

"We should," he replied.

Sakura began to speak. "Around Sarada's fourth birthday Sasuke came home and it was an usually extended stay. He brought her a ton of books and read to her every night for four consecutive months. This was their father-daughter time together and I rarely intruded. By the time he left again he had gone through all the books. She enjoyed them all but there was one that was their personal favorite. Sarada always requested it by name, and after reading it Sasuke always came out of her room with reddened eyes. I thought it was sweet."

Sakura paused. "When Sasuke left Sarada asked me to read her the book. The book was about sailor who left all the people he cared about because he was called by the sea. The sailor had a song that...Well there ws a verse then went um-"

She sang.

"I'm leavin' my famly, leavin' all my friends. My body's at home, but my heart's in the wind."

Sakura sniffed before continuing. "So please call my missus. Gotta tell her not to cry 'Cause my goodbye is written...By the moon in the sky."

Sakura paused once again. "I almost wept in front of Sarada, I would have hated myself if I had. I've never let her see me cry. I finished the book, tucked her in, went to my room and cried into my pillow. It might have started then because the next morning things felt different. Sarada she adores her father as she should. I know why he does it and I pray for his safety every night"

Swiping her her hand against her eyes Sakura continued. "One day, a few years ago, I woke up, I had breakfast, I took Sarada to to school and I was walking home I realized that it didn't hurt anymore. Well not like it used."

She turned to Naruto and tapped her heart before tapping her forehead. "You might have noticed that it takes a long time before the news can get from point A to Point B"

Naruto grasped Sakura's hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed the back of her palm as he stared at the ceiling. It seemed to him now that he had always been a selfish man. He was lucky in the fact that many of the things he had most desired in the world had created positive outcomes when he satisfied those desires. He wanted to save Sasuke, he wanted to be Hokage, he wanted a sustained period of peace.

"Do you still..." Sakura said.

Naruto blinked. "If I was dying of thirst Hinata would cry so I could drink her tears. She made me feel loved in a way I had never felt before. It was powerful."

"What do you feel now?"

"Loved, and scared."

"Scared?"

"Yeah but in a good way like a roller coaster."

Sakura sighed. "Are you comparing me to a roller coaster?"

"I told you before you're kind of scary Sakura-chan."

She closed her eyes as twin streaks of tears slipped from beneath the closed eyelids.

He continued. "I think love is supposed to be kind of scary."

Sakura smiled as she wiped at her eyelids.

"Don't smile like that. I might fall for you more."

"Is that even possible." She asked.

"I don't want to risk it do you?"

Sakura gave his hand a little squeeze before interlocking their fingers.

"Hinata is my wife and I've got nothing but good things to say about her. But my relationship with her, it's not you and me."

Naruto pulled Sakura down to him and wrapped his arms around her. Sakura placed her head against his chest.

"We can't be together you know. It'll hurt t0o many people" Sakura said.

Naruto said nothing as he placed his hand against the back of Sakura's head. His mind was desperately searching for solutions and remedies to these rising issues. Nothing he had thought so far was anywhere near satisfactory. Everything ended with pain and heartache.

"But you're the Hokage. If you send for me I'll have to come."

Naruto remained silent.

"You heartbeat sounds like a melody" he heard Sakura sigh before falling asleep again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto met Sai at the door.

"You are finally awake."

"Not feeling so hot so I decided to stay in bed."

"Will you be able to make it to the final summit meeting this evening?"

"Of course"

"Good, I've gotten a message from the Kazekage. He's been asking around and it seems that the Kage are set to approve your revised proposals."

"Oh."

Sai studied Naruto's face.

"I thought you would be happy. You are getting what you wanted right?"

"At a price, some feathers were ruffled."

Sai shrugged. "Well what will be, will be, as some people may say. Let us enjoy the moment because for now the world is in theory a more peaceful happier place."

Naruto nodded. "Yes you are right Sai."

Sai smiled. "May I come in?"

"No" Naruto said. "I am going back to bed."

Sai glanced over Naruto's head beyond the crack in the door into the room. "Well have you seen Sakura? I didn't see her go back to her room after she went into yours."

Naruto looked his friend in the eyes and with composure befitting of a Hoakge he asked, "Did you check the medical labs? She mentioned something about a night shift to me last night."

"I see."

"You must have missed her when she left." Naruto said. The realization that he had forgotten he had asked Sai to call Sakura up to his room caused his stomach to flip.

But in contrast to his troubled insides on the surface Naruto was cool and collected.

Sai frowned. "That's a bad thing for me to miss. Someone coming out of the Hokage's room. You should have me replaced for my uselessness Hokage-sama."

Naruto caught himself before he flinched. "No Sai...I didn't mean..."

Sai grinned. "I am teasing you Naruto. I am positive I didn't miss her because she spent the night in your room. But don't worry I am the only one who knows and the good thing about no longer being in ROOT, I get to personally choose what secrets are worth keeping to myself."

Naruto shook his head. "You don't have to hold these kind of secrets for me Sai."

Sai considered this. "There is a village far in the east where not telling secrets is an act of respect. These people feel that revealing painful secrets isn't a sign of intimacy, it's an act of aggression. You tell secrets not for the good of another but to make yourself feel better. To absolve yourself of your burdens. It's an interesting concept though bizarre to us."

"It is bizarre" Naruto agreed.

"Yes it is but its still interesting. Anyway if you want me to judge you I will. But since you two are my friends I will just hope for your happiness. "

With that said Sai excused himself. Naruto waited for a moment before closing the door. Already he was spinning a web of lies to cover himself.

As he walked back to his bedroom the thoughts of all the things he and Sakura had been putting at risk weighed him down with each step. The seeming loss of their family's love, the loss of respect of their friends and colleagues, all of it terrified him. How could anything good be built on the foundation of so much potential destruction? Naruto stepped into his bedroom feeling a spasm of anxiety. He felt out of place as if he walked into an alternate world. Any happiness he found in this room ran contrary to the world he had built outside these walls. This was something separate from his actual life, something that conflicted with what his life was supposed to be.

He looked towards his bed. Sunlight drifted in through the transparent curtains and washed over Sakura's sleeping form. Naruto watched her sleep for a moment. She had most of his sheets wrapped completely around her. He chuckled to himself, she really did hog the blankets. One of her hands reached across the empty side of the bed as if she were searching for him. Moving swiftly Naruto slid beneath the covers beside her. As if aware of his presence, Sakura cuddled against his side her fingers splayed over his torso, her cheek resting on his shoulder. She smiled a brilliant smile.

Naruto covered her hand with his and pressed her palm against his chest so could feel the steady beat of his heart. He inhaled her scent as a shaft of light from the window warmed his face. He closed his eyes, in time his breathing matched hers and a gentle peace settled over him.

His mind cleared and he felt convinced that this was real and it was meant to be. Even if in the end it would turn "meant to be" for this one moment only.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hope you liked it let me know if you did. If you have any questions about the changes I've made feel free to ask, I may have an answer. The original story before any revisions will be found in the next chapter.

The song lyrics from Sarada's book is from Shiver me Timbers by Tom Waits

P.S NaruSaku 4 life