#and I would kill for a ronan pov of this

[adamprrishcycle]

Oh it’s nothing just

[cabeswaterdrowned]

not saying I will actually write this but inspired by before I fall if I did write a Gansey’s death loop fic who should be stuck in the time loop; Gansey himself, Blue, or both Blue and Adam?

(I dismissed Adam only as an option because I’ve read a fic about the same concept thought it was done beautifully don’t think I have a better take on it.)

[ninjacat-uchihaparrish]

Maggie stiefvater is kinda the king of an insane setup and then blueballing u, cause what do u mean we got ronan dreaming up a copy of himself, watching it die in gruesome fashion, him arguing w adam, but nothing after that from his pov????? Like I would kill for a scene inside ronans head as he inevitably has to shove his own corpse in his car to go bury somewhere wtf

And how did this scene like never come up again????

[polichinelle]

yeah fuck it i'm making this its own post. basically very long winded (but still not as extensively detailed as i'd like) thoughts on adam & ronan (sort of) & whelk & noah

i remember reading the raven boys back in 2014 (ten years of rot in my brain!) and being sooo disappointed that there was basically zero fandom interest in whelk & noah beyond "omg whelk is evil and awful and terrible, poor baby noah!" when that is not the narrative surrounding them, not really. i feel it's a disservice to both of their characters to do that, especially noah's:

there is nuance there. there are implications. like... it's ALL about the implications!!! we basically see nothing of whelk and noah beyond what's left after the carnage. and it's a theme in trc for characters to have irreparably changed before we ever meet them (gansey, ronan, whelk, noah). we don't know what they were actually like when noah was alive, when they were best friends. when they were tight as ticks.

what we do know is this: whelk was noah's gansey. whelk was cheating on his own girlfriend with noah's, which is a shitty thing to do for sure, but something we also have zero context for. we also don't know how true it is, because whelk has such a self-inflicted warped view of his past. he keeps rewriting his own memories to think lesser of noah, because his absence hurts that much! we know they were best friends, the same way adam & ronan are best friends with gansey. we know they did everything together

okay, changing gears a little.

i'll paste the part where adam is possessed, sorry for the amount of screenshots:

and this line from a bit further along the chapter:

then, from noah's possession scene:

compare this to whelk's recollection of killing noah, and the effects it had on him:

"red lines streaked in the corners of his vision" "in whelk's head, unearthly voices hissed and whispered, words blurred and stretched together" "dictated by something larger and more powerful than himself" "somehow invited into his body through czerny's death" yes i am going there, yes i am making that point. i think, to some extent, barrington was possessed when he murdered his best friend. neither noah nor adam get their own pov while possessed, so...

i mean, time is a circle. noah needed to die so that gansey would live. noah had already died, gansey had already lived. it needed to happen, and so it would.

where the difference lies, i think, is in barrington's reaction to being possessed, versus adam/noah. for all that i'm arguing possession, i don't think barry's a stand up guy, he's a kid who's never had good role models (need i pull out the quotes about his shit parents) and who was raised by money and objects and reputation, which is why i think the possession worked. the idea to kill noah might've seemed like his own in the moment, an escalation of the situation he was already in, but unlike adam/noah there was no one to hold him back (not to mention barrington isn't as familiar with magic things(?) as they are). in that moment, whelk did truly lost it. he did the unforgivable. but there is no universe in which he doesn't.

for every time we see noah reenacting his death, we also need to imagine barrington whelk, seventeen and shivering. realizing as he's committing the act that he can't go back. perhaps realizing too that he couldn't stop his hands from gripping onto that skateboard, no matter how much he wanted to after that first hit. ("But instead, he remembered the sound Czerny made the first time he hit him.")

there's also adam in this. both him as a parallel to barrington, and as a strange sort of part of noah in a way. adam and noah interact the least out of the main group, arguably, but they too are a two-headed creature; they started out as one singular character and you can sort of tell. something something hands and eyes, something something sacrifice. ronan sort of parallels noah, in that he is not the same lively person we hear about, and he never will be that person again. both are cabeswater personified (although in different ways).

some more things:

"he once had been tight as ticks with his roommate czerny" "only whelk and czerny, treasure hunters and troublemakers" "it was possible that czerny's death wasn't for nothing after all" "[...] his days a ribbon floating aimlessly in water" (in relation to: "he had been a swimmer himself, once") "czerny, you're in a better place than me, i think" "whelk, standing in the wreckage of his life, didn't laugh this time" "the dry, half-eaten burger on the passenger seat / the first fast-food burger he'd had in seven years" "these days, when whelk was trying to comfort himself, he told himself that czerny was a sheep, but sometimes he slipped and remembered him as loyal instead" "[...] took him back to that moment, the skateboard in his hands, the sad question gasped in czerny's dying sounds "we were friends like —"

also, whelk dying in the same place noah did. these lines:

both noah and barrington look the same in the end. broken, rumpled, forgotten. noah's family will never know his bones were reburied outside of their family plot. whelk's mother, however distant she is, will never be notified that her son has died. i think in a way barrington died at the exact same time noah did; something something invited into his body through czerny's death.

basically what i'm getting at is, noah and barry could've been ronan and adam i think, had the circumstances been different. they never will be, but i think about it sometimes.

and there's so many more things i'm not even gonna TRY going into, like noah and whelk both being parallels to gansey (the three of them kings in their own right), or the disparity between whelk talking about czerny vs adele talking about noah, or whatever the fuck is going on with whelk's backstory in general (what's the deal with his mother? how the hell did he get the aglionby job? a random headcanon of mine is that his and noah's search for the ley line lead them to fox way, seven years before the events of the book, and that's partly why whelk refuses to give out his name to maura, because barrington is hard to forget, and easy to trace back)

there is so much to talk about here and i'm so peeved no one is doing it properly... why are we still talking about declan bringing his weekly girlfriend over to monmouth for no reason when we could be talking about whatever the fuck kinda soul-fate-destiny bullshit noah and whelk have!

[crimeronan]

is 11 for the ask game your three favorite fics you've written, or your favorite three as a reader? well, do whichever one you like! or both. or neither. i'm not the boss of you.

from this ask game!

i'll do both!

for ones i've written:

breathe on the ashes - 106k heart project about the homestuck ancestors. it's about fighting fate and failing and being doomed and dying. also revolutionary martyrs and eldritch gods. i completed it 5 years ago now and would do some things differently today, but there are parts of it that are still.... some of my best writing. like, ever.

we never were good at doing what we're told - 113k heart project that's a soulmate AU written by someone who fucking hates soulmate AUs. mainly about the three narrators navigating their "soulmates as horror" lots in life with polyamory in the background. tons of vicious relationship fights, ugliness, snuggles, and face touching. it's also perhaps the most personal fic about suicide, bipolar disorder, psychosis that i've ever written.

why did love put a gun in my hand - the luz POV princess fic. i've worked harder on wwaitsoatl and my writing in that fic is better, but this one edges it out for my favorite. there's a lot of horror and characterization stuff in here that i'm really pleased with, even moreso than the character stuff i've explored in more canon compliant fic.

-

for ones i've read:

you're a far cry from an empire at peace - yes i know i rec this one Every Time but for good reason. a fic set in the toh princess AU that's about willow as eda's weed-smoking burnout apprentice. she is fucking perfect and the political stuff in here is SOOO GOOOOODDDD

meet hennessy - a gorgeous, evocative, breathtaking character study of hennessy from call down the hawk. it's ugly and raw and really really really fucking good. also worth noting that as far as i remember, this was the first piece of hennessy fanfiction published to ao3 that i didn't write myself. and it DELIVEREDDDDD.

and these are the days that make a forever - ADORABLE raven cycle ot6 polyamory fic about ronan navigating how to come out as gay and polyamorous to his shithead older brother. it is fucking hilarious and always good for a bad day.

bonus because i couldn't decide between ^ that one and:

Spirit and Tongue - another raven cycle fic, this one for the rarepairs of adam/henry and adam/gansey/henry. an AU where adam and henry are fae from opposing courts, and both are fighting for gansey's attention. gansey is a fae-touched human who's clever and sweet and is gonna earn these guys' affection if it kills him. So Fucking Good.

[cardierreh15]

The Guy Next Door

And we are BACK— with a new chapter of The Guy Next Door! I hope you guys enjoy. It’ll be quite the interesting one.

**I do not give anyone permission to copy or repost my work!!

Warnings 18+: Cursing , Motivated Violence (Idunno lmao) Fluff ! 💕 Ron being a good baby daddy! 😩🤰🏾

Description: Netty meet’s Ronan’s best friend, Harry for the first time.

Pairings: Henry Cavill (Ronan-POV) x Black!plus size Female (Amunet)

Special Appearances: Thomas Doherty (Harry)

Word Count:

Chapter 8: Birds of a feather …

‘Are you ready?’ His deep, soothing voice brought her out of her blank daydream. It had been 4 weeks since their break up and this was the first time she saw him in person. He would call every day while he was on lunch, and at night before he went to bed. She had made it evident that she didn’t want him near unless she was ready.

Today, she was more than ready.

She blinked her honey brown eyes and looked over at him as his large fist clutched the steering wheel.

It was safe to say she missed him. FaceTime calls never did Justice when she wanted to be able to touch and smell him. It ached her core to force him away, but he had to know she was serious.

‘I am.’ Netty gave him a gentle smile and let out a gentle sigh as he backed out of the driveway.

Ronan looked over at her for a moment and returned the heart warming smile. There was so much he wanted to say to her… so much he wanted to do.

Being in her presence made his entire world gleam, and his soul glow with sheer joy. He didn’t know if it was the pregnancy rubbing off of him that made him so emotional. But he’d already stopped killing because he wanted to be better for her and the baby. He was in love with her.

***

The couple had just walked into Target. Ronan was stuffing his wet umbrella in a umbrella bag when she skirted off towards the bright red buggies. His eyebrows tugged into one.

A gleam of a smile spread across Netty’s face.

‘Netty? I thought we were getting only a few things. Why not use a little basket?’ He said with a gentle smirk curling on his lips, gently shoving her hands off of the handle.

‘Well,’ she looked up at him, ‘I lied.’

‘Hmph.’ He scoffed.

‘Now, let’s go look at the baby section!’ She squeaked, wrapping her small hands around his firm bicep and gave him a gentle tug.

Ronan let out a soft chuckle, ‘oh man. What did I get myself into?’ He mumbled to himself as he began to follow her towards the baby section of the store.

Netty gasped at the sight of the tiny 3-piece set and damn near snatched the whole rack down. ‘Ronnie! Wook at it!’ She looked up from the adorable and tiny outfit.

Ronan chuckled, ‘Aw! That is so cute!’ He carefully took the clothes into his large hands. He felt like a giant! As if he tugged this thing a certain way, he’d rip it apart. It was in that moment that it really set in for him.

‘Wow… it’s… it’s so… tiny.’

His thumb and index finger gently caressed the cotton, his head falling to the side in admiration.

Then he looked up at her.

A sweet smile curled on his lips.

‘I’m really gonna be a dad!’ He scoffed as he looked back down at the onesies.

She walked around the cart and linked her arm in with his before she looked up at him. ‘You are.’

Ronan looked down at Netty with a small smirk before speaking, ‘Hey Netty, I—‘

‘Ron?’

Amunet looked back to see a tall male standing behind them with a box of diapers beneath one arm and a small basket packed with baby pacifiers and bottles.

Ronan recognized that voice anywhere! He swiftly turned around to see Harry standing before the both of them. ‘Hey! What are you doing out here?’ He asked in a slightly confused manner.

Harry stayed on the opposite side of town. And he hated to ride around in his pretty little Audi in Florida traffic. He kept it as local as possible.

‘Oh! Nothing just doin’ a lil’ shoppin’. I heard you guys were having a baby and I decided to come get somethings.’

Ronan’s face turned up in confusion. Eyebrows knitting into one, lips curling in a confused grimace. Something wasn’t right.

He never told Harry that Amunet was pregnant.

‘Oh! That’s so nice of you! Thank you!’ Netty grinned happily.

‘Of course! Anytime! Oh, I’m … Harry—‘ he placed the box on the floor, ‘by the way.’ He reached out for an handshake.

Ronan’s deep blue orbs, glanced down at his hand before they flickered back to his face.

‘I’m Amunet. You can call me Netty though.’ She said with a smile, placing her hand in his and gave him a firm shake.

‘Netty. It’s such a pleasure. Ronan’s told me all about you. His tales aren’t sufficient— you are stunning!’ He complimented.

Ronan never took his eyes off of him. He was impatient and suspicious.

‘Awww, that’s—‘

‘Harry? A word please?’ The glare he held on Harry’s face was … unusual.

Harry and Amunet looked from one another towards Ronan.

‘Ron?’ Netty said in a bit of concern, ‘Are you OK?’

He looked down at Netty and gave her a smile in reassurance, ‘I’m fine. Hey, take some time to look at something’s for the baby. I just remembered I had to talk to Harry about something.’

‘Are you sure?’ She asked in worry.

‘I’m sure.’

Harry’s eyebrows tugged into one in his own confusion. ‘Whatever you have to say, I’m sure you can say it in front of Netty.’ He raised a brow, the confused look instantly being replaced with a sinister glare.

‘No…’ Ronan bit back, ‘It is work related.’

Harry chewed the inside of his cheek before glancing at Netty, ‘Duty calls I suppose.’ He chuckled before shrugging and scooping up the box of diapers. ‘It was a pleasure to meet you, Netty. I’ll see you soon.’ Then he gave her a friendly smile.

‘As it was you, Harry! Take care!’ She said somewhat confused but masked it with a clueless chuckle.

Ronan walked past him in a hurry and Harry rolled his eyes following him. Once he’d noticed Ron was walking out the door, he placed the basket and the box of diapers down before taking a mental note of where he left it.

Ronan paced back and forward in front of his car with his hands on his hips.

‘OK Mr. Moody pants. What’d I do now?’ Harry’s voice had a bit of humor in it.

‘How’d you know Netty was pregnant? What are you doing on this side of town?’

Harry made a face, raising a brow in confusion. ‘You don’t recall? You told me this a few days ago!’

The puzzled male shook his head as he turned around to look at his friend. ‘I didn’t. I’m careful with these kinds of things. Netty is still in the first trimester so why do you feel like I would’ve told you and not even my own parents?’

Harry chuckled and rolled his eyes, ‘Look, you are seriously buggin’ from the lack of sleep you’re getting.’

Ronan grit his teeth together so hard, he could’vshattered them, ‘Answer the question! How did you find out?!’

Harry looked at his friend before an unexpected, sudden laugh fell from his lips, ‘Haven’t you learned? I find out— everything.’ He looked away before sighing, ‘Besides, you’re not spending time with me anymore and it’s becoming a bit lonely, Ronniieeee.’

He pressed his lips together, swallowing his spit as he glanced at the random people that walked on by; giving them a fake friendly smile. Ronan then leaned in, ‘I told you I’m done with that shit. Look, I’m trying with Amunet. I’m in love with her!’

‘In love?!’ Harry questioned raising his brow before another sinister laugh left his chest. It caused Ronan to jump slightly.

‘In love?! You only met her 9 months ago! She’s a fucking distraction and she’s getting in the way of our playtime!’ Harry argued, poking Ron in his firm chest.

‘Harry, you’ve completely lost it and you need to seek immediate help.’

‘Oh well if it isn’t the pot calling the kettle black! Since when did you become fucking Dr. Phil?!Look, Netty is real pretty… real fine. I just would hate for something to happen to her.’ He said nonchalantly with a shrug.

Ronan picked his head up to look at Harry. Oh he was angry. He snatched him up by his shirt and shoved him against his car. ‘Is that a threat?!’ He gritted his teeth once more.

‘Oh no my dear friend… that—‘ Harry shoved Ronan off of him, ‘Is in fact a promise.’

Ronan’s eyebrows tugged into one. He was livid but he just took a deep breath, ‘Fine…. What is it that you want.’ He said in a hiss.

‘I want you to meet me at my place tonight. I have a arts and crafts idea of y’all’s “Head” of Neighborhood Watch. Be there at 9. Don’t be late. Or I’ll just simply tell Netty that you’ve gone killing again.’

‘You take her as a fool. She won’t believe you.’

‘Well she doesn’t trust you… she’d believe a stranger first before your lying ass.’

Harry had a point there. And that just made his chest hurt.

‘Again. You best be on time lover boy!’ He called out as he began to back away.

***

Ronan walked back inside of the Target with his mind racing. It was like he was damned if he did, damned if he didn’t. But he wanted her and their unborn baby to be safe.

He found her snuggling up against a tiny pink onesie with red hearts scattered all around it. ‘Hey! You’re back!’

‘I am,’ he gave her a smile before looking in the cart. She had almost everything in that damn thing. ‘I see you’ve went to work while I was gone. And quick too!’ He chuckled.

‘Yeeeeah. I couldn’t help it!’ She giggled as she placed the small little piece of cloth in the buggie.

‘Well, that’s alright,’ he said placing a kiss on her head, ‘I told you to grab anything you wanted for our baby. Honestly, this is nothing compared to what I thought you would’ve done.’ He snickered. His mood was instantly shifted once again. She had such an positive effect on him. And he loved it.

Amunet sighed, looking up at the ceiling with dreamy eyes, ‘Our baby… our little baby.. such a nice ring to it right?!’

‘Yeah.. our baby.’ He repeated happily.

***

They’d been back at her place for some time now and they were spending sometime looking, and feeling the baby clothes. ‘I just can’t wait til they get here…’ he smiled rubbing her slightly rounded belly, ‘can’t wait to hold my baby girl!’ The thought of him having a little princess made Netty’s heart ache. She didn’t care what they had, just as long as they were healthy.

The room grew quiet for a moment as his mind slipped back to the conversation he and Harry had earlier. ‘Netty?’ He paused for a second, allowing her time to answer him.

‘Hmm?’

‘Do you trust me?’

Amunet looked over at him with a gentle smile, her head falling to the side slightly, ‘Well, you can be sneaky… but the amount of support that you’ve been giving me over the past month and a half… it’s safe to say that you have earned my trust back.’

Ronan sat up with a delighted smile returning to his face, ‘Seriously? You really do?!’

Amunet giggled out loud, ‘Of course,’ she reached across and placed her hand on his thigh, ‘You earned it.’

The smile he wore only grew larger and he just took her hand and placed a kiss on her knuckles. ‘You have no idea how good that feels.’ He cackled.

She smiled softly, her head falling to the side as she watched him just combust with emotion and happiness. This was probably the happiest she ever seen him.

‘Hey?’ He said as he brought her feet up and started to subconsciously massage one of them.

‘What’s up?’

‘Could I possibly… stay over tonight? Like I think it’s—‘

‘Ron.’ Netty said, her face unimpressed.

He stopped in his tracks like a damn deer in head lights.

‘Of course you can stay!’ She giggled, giving him a playful smack on his arm. ‘You don’t have to ask!’

He sighed in relief, ‘Well I wasn’t sure if you still wanted your space.’

Netty felt touched by the comment and placed her hands on top of her chest, ‘Aw. That’s really thoughtful! Well, … to be honest—‘ she looked off to the side, sinking her pretty teeth into her bottom lip.

‘What’s on your mind?’ Ronan asked.

It grew quiet for a moment before she waved her hand and shook her head, ‘Nooo, no. It’s silly. Forget I even mentioned it—‘

‘Oh you’re not shutting me out. Tell me.’ He said softly, his eyes were gentle and welcoming.

She stared over at him for a moment before swallowing her spit. ‘Well, I—‘ she sighed softly, ‘It’s been hard… this whole break up. We went from spending time together every day to… me not wanting to see you… and with good reason.’ He muttered the last part before breaking into an awkward laugh. ‘I just… want us back… I miss you.’

The air grew thick with emotions. He felt guilty about the conversation he and Harry had earlier that day. But he also felt content and happy, knowing he had a second chance to redeem himself.

‘C’mere.’ He said leaning over and placed a tender kiss on her lips. Suddenly, he remembered what he’d been missing. Her soft, plump lips that taste of honey.

He then broke the kiss and rest his forehead against hers. ‘I miss you too.’

[blindtaleteller]

Hi. Send good vibes to you 🤭 I love your posts 😻

I saw your answer about Frigga - her role as a lady. I wanted to ask ;D In my version, Sigyn was left without parents and has never been to Asgard. She grew up on Earth. I won't reveal too much of the plot of the fic, but she is supposed to have a certain ability that will slightly affect her personality😇

Coming back to the question… because I talk too much ;p It's an alternative to the Loki series. I rely mainly on advertisement Hyundai Commercial' PROMO. So Loki escaped, no TVA, Loki is now free on Earth😊

He's building a base on the island - mercenaries and such, he protects it from sight of Heimdall. The Avengers are after him…

And… finally… He is lonely, so while going to the library, where he was looking for maps of some artifact, he saw Sigyn napping… And he kidnapped her 😁😁

So…I won't reveal Sigyn's side of the story because I'm writing from Loki's POV. But let's just say that she is very polite towards him, calm and nice, she is not agressive and not say any bad word or beg of freedom. She is calm and just do things like art or watching tv. As far as he knows, she hasn't tried anything in terms of escaping. He put her up in nice apartments, dresses and such. He kidnapped her - because she is very attractive and he is lonely - it's a variation of the scene from the comic book, where instead of kidnapping there was the murder of Theorica and a false identity. And butterfly effect - I'm erasing Thanos and his plot - here, Ronan found the stone faster, killed Thanos, but before he got to Xandar, he overcontrolled his power and disintegrated into nothingness. End😎

How will Loki treat Sigyn in this, I would like your opinion, because I love your posts 😁😁depends on his upbringing, views and all new situation. Tell me bit about Loki's side of story. I will very grateful for writting 🥰

So.. this got a little long, even trying to cut it down but! I hope this helps..?

Okay, this is actually a little difficult to answer for more than a few reasons that I can boil down to the following that would affect the answer most, for a lot of reasons:

Circumstance and especially psychological status of the era

Time/Era of changing events

How much your timeline has changed

How much comic you're stitching into the story (which I am assuming is mostly MCU based??)

And those things are, of course interwoven.

Being lonely with his personality in particular as we've seen it, wouldn't be much of a reason short term (when I say short I mean anything less than five or maybe even five hundred years: for someone who has an equatable lifespan to an Asgardian totaling at 5000 years or possibly more; as one of several reasons and examples) to kidnap anyone on it's own. This is especially, extra true if you've kept any of his history from 2013.

But that's likely to be especially true of anything kept from the MCU timeline from 2012 and prior, which I'm guessing is the case with the things you've mentioned. The big pieces would be how the events of Thor 2011 went down, whether or not his time as a captive of Thanos during 2011 still happened, and what if anything else changed during the failed 2012 invasion.. in that order: because each one affected his character (mind, emotional state and more) and the events that followed both personally and universally in huge ways.

When the Ronin/Thanos fallout happened and how is also important; but only after answering those questions: because if those things happened similarly whether it was to mostly retain his character integrity or any other reason (and I really do suggest you keep the majority: those events do help him shape himself,) then he would likely still have incredibly great interest in making certain the stones were out of the reach of any remaining remnants of Thanos' forces or generals, and anyone like him that might crop up. Remember: at his core this is a person who spent five years pretending he was dead after Thanos' threat through the Other wearing the face of a 'father' he likely despised loving regardless of that love being a likely result of his nearly brainwashed status as a Fostered captive prince.

Ultimately, if this is the way I think it is: it's pretty likely he had a breaking point between stress and more to further excuse taking Sigyn, and probably would feel guilt for it after the fact; with little to do about it other than just roll with it and try to make her as comfortable as possible. Even more likely that's the case with the Avengers looking for him, to have to worry about how they might label or suspect her as an innocent after he HAD grabbed her on that broken whim. I think it's very likely that her presence would be a double-edged sword at first as a result: adding to his stress, while both needing her calm and questioning it. After all, he hasn't been given a lot of proof that trust in others is a thing he should trust on more than a disposable surface level with his background, elder or current.

I could go on in more detail, but ultimately .. lacking the details of those things and approach is what makes this a very difficult ask to answer.

And they are very important details when it comes to a question like this, because and as several of the muses has pointed out and I've put on page in extras myself: the details are what make the sum. Especially in AU or Alternate timeline stories.. in large part due to the fact that the changed details especially are what make them 'alternate' to begin with, if you get my meaning.

Your best helper to answering that question more clearly yourself though and in my experience; is how much you know and understand about the character, and especially their background. Remember, they have to have a reason to do or say or react to something that fits them for it to feel or be genuine. And the only way that happens from a writers perspective is to drop everything else, put yourself in their place and circumstance and history: and write how that person would react to what you're throwing at them in all regards with those things and their reactions to them as well as how they feel about all of that and their own role in those things taken into account.

Keep in mind that this is my suggestion and my way of doing things, and..

That can be difficult on several levels and even exhausting at times, too. But and for me; it is also the most honest way to go about it without losing the very important core of the character (or characters) you write for.

This is, I guess.. another way of saying and using the muses favorite term 'turn the gem' if you manage it: as you have to be able to change your perspectives or be adaptable as that character if it's a single perspective anyway, for them to reach a true and clear understanding of others and their perspectives in whatever story your're writing.

If you're stuck, don't be afraid to backtrack and write another version of a section or interaction sequence either: and don't be too afraid to stretch outside of your personal boundaries either, to get it where it feels reasonably right from their direction.

I've done that numerous times, and in some cases written almost a dozen alternate scenes; some of which went entirely different directions before settling on the ones I preferred. Even then, there have been even more times I've gone back after writing and readjusted some things, or added small details.

Don't rush yourself. Take your time. And don't be afraid to correct yourself when needed, to tell the story you want to tell with and about the character (or characters) you've chosen to represent with that writing.

[threewaywithdelusion]

Tagged by @dodger-chan. Thanks! This was fun! If anyone wants to do it, I'm tagging you

1. How many fics do you have on AO3?

42

2. What is your AO3 word count?

205,076

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things, All For the Game, the Raven Cycle, the Shadowhunter Chronicles, Black Sails, Buffy, and whatever my current obsession is at any given time.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Promises (AFTG)

A Yes Isn’t Always a Yes (AFTG)

You Me Her (Stranger Things)

No Assholes in the Car (Stranger Things)

Chance Encounters (Raven Cycle & AFTG crossover)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Usually, yes. If I think too much time has passed, then I get embarrassed and don’t.

6. What if the fic you wrote that has the angstiest ending?

spinning (for you) is quite angsty and is about the slow demise of a relationship between Steve/Eddie.

I Know That I Love You, But I’m Still Learning (To Love Myself) is dark throughout and tells the story of the night Ronan ended up in the hospital. TW: suicide attempt

B’s New Vamp is definitely the fic where I’ve gotten the most comments saying the ending killed them, though I think the ending is quite happy (if not for Faith, the POV character).

7. What is the fic you wrote that has the happiest ending?

This question has made me realize I don’t really write happy fics. Maybe In Another Life or You Me Her?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not usually. One person told me a fic of mine was “the stupidest most far fetched thing ever” even though I tagged for the plot point they didn’t like. They did say I have great writing though, so I’m choosing to take it as a compliment.

9. Do you write smut?

Not that I’ve ever posted. I would write it if it was important for the characters/scene/plot to show the scene in detail.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I’ve written one! It’s an AFTG and Raven Cycle crossover where Ronan and Nicky meet. You can read it here.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, one of my AFTG fics, Promises, had been translated to Russian. I have no clue where to find it, but the translator was nice enough to report back the comments on the Russian version.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. But I had to co-write an essay for class one time and nearly killed my co-writer/friend, so I don’t see that in my future.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

That’s a very hard question to answer. But some of my long-time favorites are Andrew Minyard/Neil Josten, Sydney Sage/Adrian Ivashkov, Buffy Summers/Spike, and Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood. A niche one that had a chokehold on me is Karma/Amy from Faking It.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have three incomplete WIPs posted, so hopefully one of those. I’ve also been working on a Malec time travel fic for about 8 years at this point because I’m stuck on one particular scene, so it would be nice to get past that one of these days.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think my short fics are my best work. Usually they cook in my head for a few days, then come out all at once at four in the morning with tight writing and cohesive themes.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Long fics are definitely a weakness of mine. Also dialogue and fight scenes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in the fic?

I am guilty of doing this, but find it annoying when it’s long blocks of dialogue with no context clues to decipher what’s happening.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The first fics I published were Buffy fanfics on Dark Solace Elysian Fields. I’m almost certain I scribbled fanfic in my high school notebooks, but I don’t remember what fandoms they were for.

20. Favorite fics you’ve published?

It’s like picking my favorite child. But I do love some of my children better than others.

I’m most proud of my ability to imitate a character’s voice in B’s New Vamp (which also features possible the worst fic summary I’ve ever written).

A Yes Isn’t Always a Yes is the fic I’m probably most proud of overall, especially because of the sensitive subject matter and the lovely comments that some people who related to it left.

[jordanshenessy]

I got Dream Thieves sooner than I expected! It's good to get back into the groove of the series.

I definitely missed Ronan and all the moments where it's revealed how sweet he is and how he comes off as mean or rude because he is protective of the people he loves. I particularly appreciate his relationship with Matthew (such a golden retriever, the sweet boy!!!). I almost wonder if his rough exterior is perpetuated by the way people treat him- like even the way Calla calls him "Snake", surely that must continue a cycle where he feels the need to outwardly be a "bad boy".

Golly gee, I forgot everything Blue goes through in this book- kissing Noah, breaking up with Adam, her night car ride with Gansey. This girl sure has the romantic drama!

It does make me sad, though, how Noah kinda loses his importaces after the first book? Like, ofc he's still there and the catalyst of it all, but... he's a fading boy.

Also, I know the whole point of Adam's story is that he's changing because of Cabeswater and the power/influence waking the ley line gives him. (Maybe even the confidence to pave his own way in life!) but the line about him and Gansey being on perpendicular paths, not parallel ones, actually hit so hard. Like yeah... sometimes life's that way, and it really does suck, and you just have to keep on living it, even if your best friend has to follow a different route.

(I forgot Kavinsky died, but whoooooops. I also kinda love and hate his role, like ik he kinda has to be there for Ronan's Adam awakening, but also... I feel like he really pulls Ronan into his toxic circle before he goes out.)

Anywayyyy

Thanks for listening to my ramble. I'm taking a book break before Blue Lily, Lily Blue, but I will be back!

Take care ♡

Hiii! Ronan 😔✋ he was going through it in this book and I also think it’s bc he’s just always feeling like he’s so other and doesn’t fit into this world bc of his dreaming and everything (especially given greywaren) So yeah Ronan goes through life with a hard exterior bc I think after his father’s death, he has the stress of making sure he doesn’t become a cause of another one. He’s had to learn to keep his distance and try not to care but he cares so much and it fucks him up inside. Also the tension between him and Declan and how Matthew ironically tethers him in this world bc Ronan loves him so much and after Declan’s pov in the dreamer trilogy the lynch brothers will forever have changed me.

Kavinsky ma boi! (I actually also hated him when I was first reading lmao)

Omg blue was also going through it in this book 😭 and also when I first read it I was so annoyed that Adam just kept wanting to kiss blue and wasn’t taking the no (like being all pissy and sad) cuz I was like she shouldn’t. have. to give. you. a reason! But then I was also like Adam just wants to be loved and to be wanted and blue DID want to kiss him but she didn’t want to risk it cuz like imagine you kiss a dude bc you think ur not soulmates and then u end up killing him anyway OOF so their breakup was so angsty but much needed cuz they just were not ready for each other (Adam bc he was just getting frustrated blue was keeping something from him and Blue bc she wasn’t ready to tell him about the curse)

And so! When blue and Noah kissed I was like this is so fucked up just let them all kiss each other 😭

I will also always be so bittersweet about Noah bc from a storytelling perspective yes him fading away and being forgotten is important but also…noah come back 😭

Adam and gansey will always take my organs and mix them all up in my insides like a salad

They are so alike. They are so different. They want to be each other. They want each other. They want they want they want.

“I wish you could be kissed, Jane,” he said. “Because I would beg just one off you. Under all this.”

Cannot wait for when you reread blue lily lily blue have a nice break mwuah mwuah 💕

[nialltlynch]

kk fic master list (august 2023 edition)

the raven cycle / the dreamer trilogy

4000mg of ibuprofen | adam/declan, m - so tropey. but fun!

a thing with a name | adam/gansey, e - gonna be real fellas i wrote and posted this drunk and never looked at it again lmao.

ambilevous | handcat&matthew, handcat/declan, handcat/adam, m - secret night time encounters with a certain dream make certain people come to the most interesting conclusions.

be careful how you touch me | declan/ashley, m - outsider pov on declan. spoiler alert: he kinda sucks.

exhume our idols | declan-centric, t - moments and conversations about a certain absentee father all loosely woven together. (excised from a larger work that i may or may not ever finish so hopefully that explains why this is Like That.)

i am no excuse for your legacy | declan&mór, t - my first stab at writing mór. it's about her but really it's about declan.

i got more tongues than just this one | jh hennessy/mór, e - deadbeat milf sex. need i say more.

it's a gift to be simple, it's a gift to be free | aurora-centric, m - aurora is so normal. so normal. the high writing this fic gave me. oooough. good shit.

it's the sweetest in the middle | blue/declan, e - blue disrespects declan's time. by fucking him. at an event.

nothing in the shadows but the shadow hands | kavinsky-centric, m - rip kavinsky you would've loved the dreamer trilogy.

on concupiscence and other lesser forms of being | niall/reader, e - YOU'RE WELCOME

once upon a dream | gangsey but adam-centric, t - what if adam had a sword? also: im SO SORRY this isn't finished yet but im awful at writing gansey. i have the whole thing plotted out it's just. skill issue.

remembered | gangsey, g - the gang being besties.

smoke alarms, smoke alarms | declan-centric, t - a very declan childhood.

solipsism falsified | ronan-centric via jordeclan, t - ronan gets so horny he almost breaks out of the sweetmetal sea.

some things are best left repressed | declan-centric, g - a very declan childhood THE SEQUEL.

we're all falling into a deep oblivion | gansey/blue/declan, e - blue and gansey disrespect declan's time. by fucking him. at work.

without a me there is no you | mór/aurora, e - milfy clone fucking. need i say more.

final fantasy

in the garden sleeps a messenger (viii) | seifer&edea, t - i think seifer and edea had a weirdo fucked up thing going on and it was never properly explored. if there's one fic i could expand on it would be this one. i just don't have the voicing quite right. anyway. this one is dear to me.

bullet big enough to fucking kill the sun (xv) | prompto/ardyn, m - prompto didn't spend enough time in the anger phase of his grief and i was like. what if he did? just a little bit. as a treat.

piteous (xv) | gladio/prompto/ignis, e - i was so distressed by pitioss ruins i could only placate myself by imagining the guys fucking nasty in their endless boredom. hence.

the atlas series

head games | callum/parisa, e - a snipey not quite hate sex competition for fun and profit.

[unganseylike]

ok so re: your tags on that post about the trc covers and adam / blue’s “books”

i went back and forth on the same thing (adam and blue and trb and bllb)

but i eventually decided that based on A) adam’s major character development in bllb (whereas in trb he remained somewhat static internally, even though externally he changed a lot) and B) the POV breakdowns, with adam having the most POV page time out of the four in bllb, that bllb is adam’s “book”

in the interest of cool discussion, can i ask why you consider trb his book?

oh i love this discussion thank u for sending ask! its been a sec since ive read books (ok actually just over a year so not really) so forgive me if I misremember details..

if i didnt have to choose just one character for the books and instead was considering most main characters for the book i think:

trb- gansey blue adam; tdt- ronan maybe adam; bllb- blue adam; trk- gansey blue

what do i define as most main character? Idek its kinda vibes and whose plotlines contribute most to the central plot. this is typically going to be blue and gansey to me because the overall plot of trc starts and ends with their evolving relationship to each other (true love and/or killing). but maybe thats bc im biased and love gansey and blue most; im sure fans who are really into pynch and also adam+ ronan separately would see them as most central.

anyways so i agree that adam is a centerpoint of both trb and bllb. thats an interesting point about the most pov time and he definitely gets lots of development in bllb.

but to me bllb is blues book- she even has her name in the title! the other titles kinda correspond to characters too, with dream thieves obviously referencing ronan and raven king referencing ganseys kingliness and quest. trb is ambiguous and to me is a reference to the story from blues pov and and introduction to her world. anyways, the main plot of bllb imo is the search for maura and kinda the overall exploration of cabeswater/related magical areas/caves as a result, which ultimately leads to the demon plot and thus ganseys foretold death which is of course the overarching plot. so its blues family and her drive to search for her mother that progresses the series plot forward. we also get to spend a lot time with blue alone and with different groups of people and see how she interacts with new people, all contributing to her character growth in this book. plus her relationship w gansey becomes definitively romantic love, which again is necessary for the series plot and its tagline. although adam grows as a character (what i recall- learning to use his connection w cabeswater, the lead up to the trial w his father, being able accept his friends help, pynch), i dont think it contributes as much to the main plot of bllb or the series overall.

Trb is the hardest to assign to me. I do think there are great arguments for blue or adam or gansey. of course thats partially because they are the pov characters. i think its more between blue and adam though, because they are really the ones introducing us to the trc world as theyre both outsiders. and of course they are kinda in a relationship— even though gansey is her ~true love~ adam is actually the one that leads blue to her involvement w the boys. i’d say blue is more of a “main character” than adam in this book simply because it opens with her monologue and her knowledge of ganseys death plus she probably gets more pov time. but main character doesnt equal their both to me necessarily. we see so much of adam through others eyes but he turns all of their beliefs of him on their head when he takes matters into his own hands and goes to cabeswater. i dont remember much about first reading the book (i cant believe it was like 10 years ago now!) but i remember being surprised when adam did that- i actually got a little nauseous. it was not what i expected for him and i realized that his actions were going to change what i had expected to be the clear cut plot of the series. it was no longer just this drawn out plot for blue to kiss and kill gansey, and adams bargain sets the stage for so much of the rest of the story! to me its really his defining moment. so overall i think trb is adams book solely because hes the star of its conclusion; we realize we dont know adam as well as we thought and neither do his friends, but we know his actions will have consequences that will affect everyone and everything.

but i think i could be persuaded in either direction for which book is whose, i can easily see the arguments in the other direction. and i actually love that its blue and adam’s plots that we are debating- i love their relationship and their parallels :)

Let me know what you think!

[cabeswaterdrowned]

assigned each TTPD track to trc/td3 chars/pairings because I was bored.  

Main Tracks

•Fortnight — post TDT & BLLB era Bluesey. not every lyric fits perfectly but the tone/overall subject (requited but forbidden love, especially the implication it’s both literally forbidden (other people involved/kiss curse) and self imposed forbidden (they’re from two different worlds and need to bridge that gap) is so them, pining and yearning, Literally “we can pretend this once then never speak of it again” and then mourning that as they try and keep their distance, also the “your wife waters flowers I want to kill her” bit in my head is Blue being jealous of Henry when she meets him. It makes sense. To me. Primarily a Blue pov song and then the Post Malone bits can be Gansey. 

•The Tortured Poets Department — The Gray Man x Maura, The Gray Man’s post TDT break up anthem. When you give up your hit man life for a woman and she runs off to a cave to find her ex boyfriend, a tree! Will really mess up an Anglo Saxon Poetry lover.

•My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys — DC Party Adansey from both their povs, Adam fearing Gansey only can value him as a possession and can’t love him in a way that Adam would want and Gansey fearing Adam secretly hates him + his heart breaking when Adam smashes the figurines. But the bridge is very Adam pov “I felt more when we played pretend than with all the Kens” Adam’s relationship with projection and both hating Gansey’s facade and being infatuated with and attracted to it, also there are so many ways they pretend seperately and together. 

•Down Bad — Pynch, first verse and chorus definitely Ronan pov in trc, the second verse and chorus as Adam pov in mi then after that could be both of them although still would lean more Ronan pov for the vibes. 

•So Long, London — Noah song. A lot of it could be his pov talking to Whelk, but then the friends he’s referring to could be the Gangsey and the Gangsey pov could be the final chorus saying goodbye to him. 

•But Daddy I Love Him — Niall x Mor. Niall’s pov as he tries to get his mother/his family to accept that he loves Mor. 

•Fresh Out The Slammer — Jordeclan. Self explanatory. 

•Florida!!! — at first I was going to give this one to Blue because of some of the themes about feeling conflicted about your hometown, then I wanted to make it a Hennessy song because some lyrics really fit her, but then eventually I decided this is actually a song about The Fairy Market. Different parts could be from Hennessy Jordan and Declan’s pov and maybe a little bit from Mor’s and/or Henry’s. 

•Guilty as Sin? — this song has both Bluesey and Pynch vibes but to me it’s a Bluesey song overall. Blue pov, yearning for someone you can never touch it’s perfect… 

•Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? — Ronan song fits him in the first two trc books real well imo. In the second verse he’s addressing the Gray Man but he could be addressing a number of people from Declan to Kavinsky to Niall to Gansey throughout the song. 

•I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) — Maura Sargent and her terrible taste in men! First verse and chorus about Artemus and Calla and Persephone shaking their heads in the background, then the second time with The Gray Man Calla again shaking her head. 

•loml — Jordeclan, but specifically a Jordan pov song after Declan chooses death by fairy market over her could either say this is her thought process in a middle bit that we didn’t get to see or an au where Declan did die and/or she did leave him for a bit after this.

•I Can Do It With A Broken Heart — Adam song. I think you could read it as in the first verse / go of the chorus the “him” being referred to is Gansey post DC but then in the second verse/chorus it’s Ronan in mister impossible era. His whole thing with masking/not paying attention to his feelings through both series and literally “faking it to make it” at Harvard… I can pass this test… the tonally upbeat music and devastating lyrics. Soo him. 

•The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived — Rovinsky break up song. I think the first verse and chorus is K pov but the rest of the song is Ronan’s pov. 

•The Alchemy — another song with both Pynch and Bluesey vibes but this one I’m giving to Pynch overall. The whole high school relationship currently long distance but I’ll always come back to you thing. 

•Clara Bow — for a minute I thought I really would have to give up on making this one about trc, but then I thought about the whole theme of women mirroring each other Blue and Gwenllian and the tapestry of girls with Blue’s face, their literal mirror powers, the 300 fox way women and how you see something of all of them in Blue / she’s a product of them, Hennessy and her clones, Mor and Aurora. So yeah general vibes of that theme. 

Bonus Tracks 

•The Black Dog — Pynch divorce bop. Adam pov. 

• imgonnagetyouback — Bluedam, now you may be thinking that I’m just assigning this one because I already think get him back! by Olivia Rodrigo is a Bluedam song (see previous web weaving) and this song is just a worse version of that song, and you’d be right that’s why I’m saying it. 

•The Albatross — Bluesey. Gansey associating the color blue with death, learning Blue is his death, being fascinated by her and falling for her more and more the more he accepts his own death… 

• Chloe or Sam or Sofia or Marcus — this is all about romantic drama/a love square between Blue Henry Gansey and Adam, different parts of it are from Gansey or Adam’s pov primarily about each other but they refer to Henry or Blue at different points. The Adansey divorce to Sarchengsey to Chengsey divorce pipeline song essentially. 

• How Did It End? — Adansey!! literally “he was a hothouse flower to my outdoorsmen, our melodies were such we could not cure them” I won’t just go through every lyric but every lyric just screams Adanseycore, as many of her songs about divorce do. 

•So High School — Pynch. “You know how to ball I know Aristotle” referring to Ronan playing tennis is an especially fun aspect. 

• I Hate it Here — Adam, first verse and chorus could be DC party Adam and then as it goes on it’s Adam at Harvard thinking all the things he won’t say to the crying club, and then it’s Adam about Henrietta. 

•thanK you alMee — Declan song centered on his conflicted grief/hatred of Niall. 

 •I Look in People’s Windows — Adam observing the wealthy/people he envies. 

•The Prophecy — Blue song. Elements of Bluesey obviously but mostly about Blue who won’t let fate define her and is brave when she’s afraid, begging for a different fate for Maura when she’s missing for Gansey and Noah, for herself when she wants things from the future that seem impossible for so many reasons. “And I look unstable gathered with a coven around a sorceress table” so the bath tub scene with her and her mom and Aunts! 

•Cassandra — Gwenllian Glendower anthem! 

•Peter — Adam pov Adansey song 😭 I already made a web weaving explaining this and if I tried to again with words I’d throw up and die, but this is the most trc coded song on the album other than the prophecy. 

•The Bolter — Hennessy song. First verse refers to her childhood trauma, The chorus fits Jordanessy and their mi scene with the cars so well and the whole repeatedly dying thing is obviously very Mister Impossible plot coded and also the cyclical nature of her lace dreams are reflected here. 

•Robin — Adansey. “way to go tiger”. 

•The Manuscript — Blue x Henry pining era song post Sarchengsey divorce. 

[away-ward]

I think the reason why i love willemmy the most in dn series is because will's not an alpha, hayhahha! Ive read so many books with this dynamic and still am not personally liking extreme alphas MMCs very much, especially alpha (ass)-holes. Might be because of my own personal lack of tolerance to being controlled be it irl or through the fictional characters i read, especially relating to any kind of relationships in general really, so i love will's character a TONNE. In fact, in the royal elite series by rina kent, i love ronan & teal the most, and i believe its for the same reason. It goes the same with non-dark romances, i love jacob & eve brown from act your age eve brown & the first book's couple: get a life chloe brown, fox & hannah from hook, line and sinker, esme & khai from the bride test, pippa & ravi from a good girls guide to murder, and literally every book by abby jimenez except for the friend zone (because i hated that one), especially daniel from part of your world and jason from happily ever after playlist. Adding to that, my top fav characters from the shadowhunter chronicles (simon, alex, jem, raphael, henry) had very similar character traits too. Theyre not the popular guys of the series, also maybe because theyre pretty chill, but theyre always IT for me. I found these kind of characters's personalities and attributes so attractive. They make me giggling screaming kicking my feet and shit, haha! Like idk, theres something appealing about a man (.especially with some golden retriever traits) who can offer me something and makes me want to have him by my side anyway without them having to control my own narrative or personal choices almost all the time, is just so appealing to me.

Other than that, if you have read even some of these books, you would know that a lot of these books have another similar thing (except for raphael and alec): the MMCs know theyre being loved, desired and cared for AND their feelings were all written ON THE PAGE, not just in passing etc., and i think that was what seals the deal for me. The vulnerability and intimacy of the MMCs' thoughts and feelings of being loved by their significant others. My issue with corrupt (and even hideaway and kill switch) was that, unlike the fandom's hate towards rika's love for michael, i love that rika was showing us how much michael meant to her and how much she desires him; i love it when FMCs go after men that they want to be with. But its always about rika rika rika, but never really about how michael FEELS about it / after he received that amount of love and care, especially after he get out of his angsty head. We saw rika so happy with how michael made her feel; cherished, desired etc. but what about michael's in depth POV? I wanna see how michael feels about it too! We were always told he was happy in the extras, but cant pd actually just take some time and show us on page or wrote even a page or two about how these MMCs actually feel on page in the book, for once? Im begging for crumbs! Im always frustrated with this trope (?) because to me, what was exactly personally lacking for the execution of this trope about alpha MMCs like in corrupt, hideaway and kill switch most of the time, was it was usually not written on page in their povs, about how loved and desired these MMCs feel now. They were usually just dismissed with some context clues, others' povs or a side note about their life with their women. Its also always about how amazing and loved they made the FMCs feel, not the other way around. And thats the thing, I KNOW theyre loved, like everyday michael, kai, damon woke up feeling loved by their women, but i wanna see them acknowledging the love they had and how much that made their day and life!!! Im nosy, feed me more, and please give me the flufffffff haha!

--And Idk if thats on the writer for not portraying the trope well, or it's just how the trope is written because romance are usually written not only for the enjoyment of the author and the audience, but for a heavily targeted audience (women) where they want to self project themselves into the story, so they always want to know more about how the MMC treats and reacts to the FMC, rather than a pov of how the FMC impacted the MMC in his lens in a deeper way (this is a well known fact among romance authors i believe, even pd ackowledged this in one of their goodreads questions when someone asked them about their story crafting and how that relates to the advertising side of selling their stories. If you noticed, pd didnt really write characters like banks and emory a lot, even in their other series or stand-alones, because i think its probably because banks and emory's characters are almost everything of what WOULDNT sell in this industry, sadly--also because pd just might not want to write something they dont want to but who knows? Not me. Anyway, Its the double standards and misogyny tbh, because a lot romance readers, funnily enough even when being female presented themselves, still cant put aside their own internalised misogyny, double standards and purity culture ideologies that they have for real and fictional women, and projected those mary sue traits to women around them, as if women or fictional women have to adhere to a different sets of morality and standards as compared to fictional men who did worse, and can do whatever they want, but still be loved by many of these women. Thats why, romance's bad reviews are usually "i cant relate to her" or "i couldnt connect to emory". Understandable, but it still sounds weird to me, idk, maybe just me. But this is a whole 'nother topic).--

Coming back to the topic, I noticed this pattern within the alpha MMCs trope (most of the time), and it took away my enjoyment from fully loving books like that. I just wanna see couples fighting with/for each other, and BOTH the FMC and MMC (at least for non-queer couples) to love and be shown on page, how loved they felt by the other you know. All we get usually is an indication that the FMC was interested in the MMC and then it's done. I just wanna see all the gushy feelings of Michael, Kai and damon when they realised how loved they are, how they noticed all the little and big things rika, banks and winter had done or shown to them etc. but we never really got to see it. The most feelings i get from them are in their extras or novellas, but even then, it's not enough!!! Like please, continue to gush about your happy life and how happy your women make you feel!!! Like put aside your pride and show us more loving things!! Its not embarrassing because how can loving someone so wholeheartedly like that be embarrassing? Thats why i'll never stand with people shaming rika or any women tbh for showing how much they want to love their men. Its not embarrassing to want someone that badly, but I also wished she had more self preservation (which she did later on in the series), without having to tone down her desire of wanting to love michael either, so basically a good balance between these two points would be great. Like I just wanna see you two happy individually, and together!!! Please!

So thats why willemmy's book was appealing to me, because not only we saw them pining for each other in their heads, and when they couldnt control it, it always, AWLAYS!! show through their facial expressions and body languages. Like they just cannot help themselves because they were just so in love!!!! And then we got more pining, and the cycle repeats, even after 10 years, they were pining non-stop!! Yes, please! This level of appreciation shown for and by each other is so delicious! Hahahaha! We also saw how loved they felt by the other CONSTANTLY on page (on page!!!) even in the weirdest moments when others kept on interrupting them, or when they were in denial about their feelings, or even in the epilogue with their extended families. Like emmy's pining for will? Top tier. Emmy acknowledging how good and wholesome will makes her feel? Then we saw how much he chershes her? Fucking amazing! Even better than Top tier. Will acknowledging his feelings for emmy? Top tier. Will shown on page about how amazing and fulfilling it felt like to be loved by her? Then we saw will acknowledging how she indulges him? Fucking amazing! Even better than Top tier! Hahahaha! Yes! Show me how happy you are with each other!!! Moreee! Thats why I was so sad that we only usually get these kind of crumbs from michaelrika, kaibanks and winterdamon in the extras, novellas or near the epilogues. Like Its not enough!!!!! Gimme moreeeeeee!!!

Now, end of my ranting and sharing, what about you, what do you like most about willemmy?

It sounds like you like a guy who can be vulnerable. I get that. I think more than anything, a romance should be obvious from both sides?

There’s definitely a double-standard in fiction (and the real world) with expecting a FMC to be vulnerable and open from the get go while expecting a MMC to strong and stoic, almost to the point of emotionless, until the relationship stable and then he can be openly happy. However, once the relationship is stable, the story ends, so we don’t get to read that part. Because no one wants to read their 9 to 5 every day boring life when they came to see the couple fight and smash.

But stoic is not emotionless, so there should be a way to show the depth of MMC’s feelings without taking away their broodiness. I’m not sure if it’s because the general audience only wants the broody type character or that it’s a struggle to portray, but I agree with your analysis that there is an issue in the genre.

((But I’ve never been in love or a man, so far be it for me to accuse anyone of writing a man-in-love wrong.))

I have read or started some of those books (mostly started and didn’t finish). Personally, I don’t mind if the MMC is a little bit of an alpha-hole, as long as there’s a balance and an explanation, not just because. And I don’t mind if the FMC is a little submissive or shy if it’s done well. It’s not my go-to, but not something I avoid (I’ll point to the Crown Point series by Mary Catherine Gebherd as one I didn't mind reading (specifically Gray and Story, but I really enjoyed the first one. It’s just Abigail is not that submissive). I’ve only finished the first two and probably won’t continue (unless we get Gemma and Grim’s story) but they’re not bad. Can I just divert another second to say…the Horsemen of Crown Point seem so much more intense than the Horsemen of Thunder Bay, and I’ve only read two scenes with Grim… so that says a lot… ).

But that’s the point, right? We want characters that are done well. Characters who have traits that make sense, not just to have them because they fit the mold. There should be reasons why a character behaves a certain way. Sure, personalities develop individually and sometimes the character doesn’t know why they act a certain way, but as a reader who is getting the narrative, we should be able to identify why.

Even if a MMC doesn’t know what he’s feeling or why he’s feeling it, we as the reader should know it’s because ohhhhh they got it bad. They got hit so hard with the Simp Stick. Instead, we get them manically mumbling, “That’s mine. I don’t know why she’s mine but I can’t imagine her with anyone else, so she’s mine,” like some psychos.

And because of that, that it’s refreshing when a MMC can realize “It’s because I love her that I’m doing this. What? Did you think I was going to deny it? Have you seen her? Of course, I love her. I’ve never loved anything more.”

It hard to find a balance between those two extremes.

You’re probably right about characters like Emory and Banks not selling, for all those reasons you mentioned. It’s discussed often enough that people want strong FMC but – not like that. We don’t want characters who can be… mean. We want characters who can fight! And be soft for the people they care about! And not be a doormat, but still submissive with their man. (Please note my heavy use of sarcasm)

Emory and Banks fall into that "but they're so mean" category because they do what they say they're going to do and sometimes that means hurting the other characters (*gasp* even their *gulp* love interest). There are a lot of FMC who I would consider strong, but not the industry standard of strong. I’ve rb a lot of leverage stuff, but Parker and Sophie are good examples of strong FCs who don’t fit the mold (Parker also occupies a close space in my head to Emory, so there could be some overlap in how I'm processing them).

It is weird, however, when a reader is faced with a character who makes decisions they don’t agree with and reasons “I couldn’t relate to her”. Well, she’s not you! Do you think every MC should be you? Every MC should make the decision you would make? How did we get to this point? And it does seem to be something I've seen happening exclusively in the romance genre. I don't see other series/genre where the FMC are being critiqued to such a degree for not performing as a damsel for the MMC to save every second they're on the page together. But I could just not be aware the conversation is happening. A lot of things do fly over my head.

Anyway, back to DN.

I can laugh at Rika for a lot of things, but wanting Michael is not one of them (actually sometimes it is. He's fun to make fun of. but it’s all in good fun, right? Like they’re just characters. People shouldn’t get so angry. Just laugh). But like you, I would have liked to see some of the softer, tender moments between them. I think one of the softest moments we got from Corrupt was the end flashback when Rika’s 13 and Michael listens to her and then thinks “She corrupted me.” I don’t know why, but Michael acknowledging that Rika was part of why he started Devil’s Night is really… "awwww" for me. But I think for the most part, that’s the softest thing we get from him?

I think part of the problem with Michael is that he doesn’t have a good tolerance for expressing emotions in public spaces. He’s had to deal with his father feeding off his every reaction since childhood, trying to find ways to manipulate him, and then with Trevor doing the same, so he’s learned how to shut it down. From an outside perspective, an observer probably wouldn’t see much from him.

That being said…our other narrators are supposed to be his closest friends, so they should be able to also catch his little tells with Rika. I haven’t read the series to pick out Rika/Michael moments, so I couldn’t tell you if they do, but I don’t remember any sticking out.

So, for those moments we'd have to rely on bonus material. Personally, I wouldn’t mind those little moments. Seeing the characters outside the tension-filled plot would help me to understand them and their dynamics better. For example, I loved the moments in the past scenes when we got to see the boys just being friends because. Well, I love friendships in media, but also because it was just nice to see them being them as they were before things went sideways. I would eat up the boring, 9-to-5, day-to-day moments of these characters if it meant we get to see them being in love and a family, and not just told yeah, they’re doing fine.

To answer you’re questions, I have no idea what it is that hooked me on Willemmy exactly. It does check some of my trope boxes.

Isolated/Quiet Nerd Girl + Popular/Jock boy

GrumpyxSunshine

Mutual Pining

One fell first but the other fell harder.

I read the first three books for the plot outside the romance, but I do enjoy romance quite a bit, so the fact that NF’s past scenes romance felt more like a romantic drama than a high-speed/suspense plot might have seal the deal for me. There was just so many cute moments that had me smiling and there were moments that had me all the way in my deepest feels for both of these characters, whereas the other books had me leaning towards one character or the other.

I know readers talk a lot of trash about the series, Banks and Emory, and NF (and I’m not excluding myself, but I do try to be respectful), but the past scenes in NF was a well-rounded story and NF does have some really solid stuff in there. With NF, I honestly feel that you could take the past scenes, clean them up a bit and give it a small time-skip conclusion and you’d have good novel all on its own. Which doesn't work the other books in the series! NF weakest part is that it’s the conclusion of a large story that wasn’t originally planned when the first novel was published. Everything besides that is, as you said, Top Tier.

Thanks for the comment. I hope I answered everything. Let me know what you think!

*bolded not for emphasis but to help with reading a long post*

[johnsbleu]

Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 146

warnings: dual pov hmh masterlist

I haven’t seen my girls face-to-face in three days now, and it’s been killing me! This is the first time I’ve been away from them and it’s been really tough. I haven’t been away from Ronan since she’s been born, and the last time I was away from Y/N was before we were even married. I hope they’ll be as excited to see me as I am to see them.

I went up to the lake house to help Jimmy get some final touches done to it since we’re having Dan’s birthday party there this weekend with the family. It was fun to hang out with Jimmy and just have some good laughs, but I have to admit that I miss my girls so much.

Looking to my left, I wave at Jimmy as he pulls into his driveway, then I make my way up mine and smile when I see Bleu in the yard sleeping underneath the shade of a tree. He perks up when he hears my car, then he runs over to greet me as I get out.

“Hey, boy,” I smile, patting his side.

Bleu runs to the door and wags his tail as he waits for me, and I laugh quietly. He always wants to show me where the girls are. I open the door and watch as he walks inside, and I look up and smile when I see Y/N running from out of the kitchen.

“Hi, hi, hi!” she runs over to me and jumps into my arms as we kiss, and I hug her tight as she wraps her legs around my waist, “Oh my god! I missed you!”

“I missed you too!” I smile as I hug her, then I lean back and look at her, “God, you definitely got more beautiful while I was gone.”

Y/N scoffs, then she leans forward to kiss me as I carry her to the couch. I sit down with her straddling my waist as we kiss, and I let out a content sigh when she buries her face in the crook of neck. I rub my hands up and down her sides, then I smile when she sits back in my lap and looks at me.

“I missed you,” she whispers, cupping my face as she holds my gaze.

“I missed you too,” I kiss her palm, then I watch as she sits on the couch, “How have things been here? Bug’s sleeping?”

Y/N nods as she reaches for my hand, “Things have been good! Bug went down for her nap just a little bit ago. When you called and said you were on your way home, I was trying to keep her awake until you got here, but I left her for two minutes so I could pee and came back out to see her zonked on the floor.”

I laugh quietly, “That’s okay. Has she been good? I know we FaceTimed but I didn’t get to talk to you much yesterday since we were both busy.”

“She was really good! I had a girl’s day yesterday. Tess and I went to Amanda’s house, but we brought the kids. With Ro’s separation anxiety, I didn’t want to leave her with someone else, but she really didn’t give a shit whether I was there or not because she got to play with her friends.” Y/N says as we laugh, then she nods, “But she’s been really good. She slept in bed with me though. I hate that you weren’t here.”

“I know,” I nod as I relax back on the couch and prop my feet up on the coffee table, “I think the last time I was away from you was…I actually can’t remember.”

Y/N tilts her head as she thinks, “It was before we got married. Italy? No, not then. I showed up at the hotel. Holy shit, when was it?”

“Oh! I remember,” I say as I look at her, “Right before I proposed. When I went to your mom’s house to talk to her.”

“Oh my god, that was like…” Y/N looks around with wide eyes, “Almost two years ago.”

I chuckle as I look at her, “We haven’t slept without one another for almost two years.”

“Sick of me yet?”

“Nope, just getting even more obsessed,” I laugh as I lean over to kiss her, “I wish you would have come with me, to be honest.”

Y/N smiles as she nods, “Me too.”

“You had your girl’s night though. You deserved to have some fun, and I hope you did.”

“I did,” she nods, then she shrugs, “But I missed you. I missed you snoring in bed.”

I laugh as I playfully shove her arm, then I wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her over to sit with me, “You had a good time with your friends though?”

“I did, we just had some food and drinks, had some chats about our annoying husbands, then I came home.” she says, and I chuckle when she smirks at me, “Nah, I gushed about you as usual. What’s new, right? What did you and Jimmy do?”

“Talked about our amazing wives and children.” I say, and she smiles at me, “We had the A/C fixed at the lake house and got a few other things done. I completely fixed up our room and bathroom downstairs. The bathroom just needed some final touches, then I got Ronan’s room done too. We just need to bring the crib we bought for there.”

“I’m excited to see it.” she says, then she snuggles into my arms as she leans her head on my chest.

We sit in silence together for a few moments, and I smile when she tilts her head up to look at me. I lean down to kiss her a few times while we have childless time together, then I start to smile when I hear Ronan crying.

“Go get her, she’ll be so happy to see you.” she whispers, and I lean down to kiss her before I get up from the couch.

I smile as I head upstairs to Ronan’s room and slowly push the door open, and Ronan juts her bottom lip out as she cries, one large tear coming from her left eye. I smile as I walk over to turn off her noise machine and to open the curtains, then I reach out for her as she cries.

“Why are you cryin’?” I whisper to her as I bounce her in my arms, and she leans her back to look at me, “Hi.”

Ronan still has her bottom lip jutted out as she looks at me for a moment, then she scratches her fingers against my beard before smiling wide and leaning against my chest. I hold her tight in my arms for a few moments before I walk over to put her on the changing table and get her out of this rank diaper.

“Hey, peach…”

“Yeah?”

I pick up Ronan and walk to the door to look at Y/N in the living room, “Do you want me to put her into something different?”

“Uh, just some different pajamas.” she says, shrugging, “Thought we’d just order something for dinner while we packed.”

“Sounds good.” I nod. I start to set Ronan down so I can grab some new pajamas but she just kicks her legs and starts to cry, so I hold her with one arm as I open her drawer, “Did you miss me?”

Ronan kicks her legs and babbles, and I feel the drool sliding down my arm as I hold her. I grab out some pajamas for her, then I carry her downstairs. Y/N looks over at us as we come down, and she smiles when Ronan squeals loudly.

“Did you miss dada?” she asks, which prompts Ronan to start kicking her legs wildly as she squeals.

I kiss Ronan’s cheek when I sit down with her in my lap, then with Y/N’s help, we quickly get her pajamas on. I reach for a toy that is on the coffee table, and Y/N and I completely disappear from Ronan’s sight when the toy is presented to her.

“Chopped liver now.” I say, relaxing back on the couch.

“Yeah, join the club.” Y/N jokes, then she smiles at me, “I just thought pizza or something would be good. I didn’t do any laundry or cleaning while you were gone, I won’t lie.”

I laugh as I look around, “The house looks fine.”

“I’m a pig when you’re not here.” she laughs, and I nudge her arm and shake my head.

“No, you’re not.” I laugh, then I sit up and look over at Ronan. I lean over and kiss her cheek, and she holds up her toy to show me, “Think she’ll crawl soon?”

Y/N hums as she thinks, then she shrugs, “I would assume so. She sits on her own, and this weekend I saw her doing the rocking back and forth thing, so I would assume she’ll start crawling within the next few weeks.”

I look down at Ronan and laugh as she ‘sings’ and makes noise, and I kiss the top of her head and pull her into my lap. I hold her up so she can stand on my legs, but she wiggles around and babbles nonsense loudly.

“You sure you’re ready for a road trip with us?”

“I am very ready,” I smile as I look over at Y/N, and she leans down to kiss me, “Can’t wait to spend the weekend up there.”

Y/N smiles as she holds up Ronan next to her face, “Us too!”

__

**

The car ride up to the lake house wasn’t bad since you waited until Ronan would be down for a nap. She slept the whole way there and only woke up about 10 minutes before you arrived. She’s currently sitting in the highchair waiting for John to get her some food, and she squealing loudly and babbling to everyone walking past.

Since John is getting Ronan fed, you decided to go downstairs to set up the crib in Ronan’s room. John is coming down to help as soon as he gets Ronan some food.

You smile as you look at Ronan’s room, and you walk over and check out the view from the window. Last time you were here, this room wasn’t even here, but Jimmy thought it would be a good idea to knock down the wall and put in a bedroom for Ronan, so that’s what he did this winter. It looks really good, and it’s nice that Ronan can be downstairs with you and John when you go to bed rather than being upstairs.

“Hey…” John smiles as he walks into the room, then he gestures, “What do you think?”

“I love it! I love the cute little plants all over and how it ties into our room,” you say, then you reach up to touch the cute little fuzzy pink deer head, “I love this.”

John chuckles, “Thought it was kind of ironic seeing as we don’t hunt.”

“It’s cute.” you laugh, then you reach for his hands and smile at him, “Thanks for doing this. If she could talk, she’d tell you that she loves this.”

“I think so,” he nods as he looks around, then he points at the toys, “I got her some new stuff that she might like too.”

**

Y/N looks up at me and smiles as she nods, “She’ll love it.”

I lean down and cup her face as I kiss her, and she wraps her arms around my waist as we make out for a few rare uninterrupted minutes. Y/N tilts her head to the side as I slide my tongue into her mouth, and I smile when she reaches down to grope me over my pants.

“Hey, hey, hey…” I laugh as she slouches and juts her bottom lip out, “Tonight, what do you say?”

“Yes!” she smiles wide as she nods, then she throws her arms around my neck and kisses me as I hold her and carry her in my arms back to our room.

“Hey,” Tess calls out downstairs, “Ronan keeps doing some thing to me, but I don’t know what it means.”

I laugh as I take Y/N’s hand and head upstairs, then we walk into the kitchen and see Ronan sitting in her highchair. I furrow my brow as I walk closer, then I watch as Ronan signs that she wants more food.

“She’s signing,” Y/N smiles proudly, “John has been teaching her some basic signs.”

“That’s amazing,” Bev smiles.

Y/N walks over and cuts the other half of the banana into small pieces, then she places them on Ronan’s tray, and Ronan wastes no time when she sees. She stuffs banana into her mouth and gets it all over her face, but she’s so damn happy to be eating.

“She knows the signs for ‘more’, ‘dad’, ‘mom’, and ‘food’, of course.” Y/N smiles as she looks at me, “Our little smarty pants.”

I smile when I look at Ronan with banana all over her, then I grab a napkin to wipe it off, “I read that it helps your baby communicate and keeps their frustration low.”

Bev nods, “That makes sense. Babies can’t always communicate verbally what’s going on.”

I shrug, “And she hasn’t said her first word yet, so I figured I’d teach her.”

“She’ll start talking soon, Jonathan.” Bev smiles, squeezing my arm.

“Watch this. Ro, where is dada?” Y/N asks, signing ‘dad’, then she points around the room, “Hmm, hmm, hmm, where is dada?”

Ronan looks at Y/N and smiles, then she only signs ‘dad’ as Ronan looks around. Ronan looks at me and smiles, then she smacks her hands on the tray and screeches happily.

“Good job!” I smile as I lean down to kiss her, “She’s a smart little bug.”

I clean up the tray and Ronan’s face, then I take off her bib and set her down so she can play with Finn. He crawls over to her with some of his toys, and I smile when I see him hold up one to show her. Ronan bounces in place and giggles as Finn plays with her, and she squeals loudly when he imitates a plane engine.

Leaning back against the counter, I smile as I watch my beautiful baby girl grinning like the happiest baby on the planet.

__

Standing on the sun deck, I look out at the water as the sun goes down and I take a moment to think about how much my life has changed. It’s something that is always on my mind, but today has been so good that I have to take an extra moment to really be grateful for how far I’ve come.

If someone would have told me years ago that I would meet the most wonderful woman who would change my life, I would have never believed them. I never in a million years would think I would be married to an incredible woman who is everything that I could ever want. She’s smart, kind, understanding, so damn sexy, and just beautiful inside and out. The fact that we haven’t lost the spark between us as well is pretty amazing. Not that I ever think we will, I’m crazy about her.

I can’t imagine my life without Y/N, and I certainly couldn’t imagine my life without Ronan. Being a dad wasn’t something that I thought I’d ever be, so I’m so grateful to Y/N for giving me the opportunity. I just hope I’m doing a good job.

“Hey, cutie…” Y/N smiles as she walks up to the sundeck, “Come here often?”

I look over at her and smile as I stand up to allow her to stand in front of me. I wrap my arms around her waist and bury my face in the crook of her neck, and she pulls my arms around her tighter.

“Ro is down?”

“She is,” she nods, then she looks at me and smiles, “What are you doing up here?”

I shrug as I look out at the water, “Just thinking.”

“Well, come on, Wick, fill me in!” she laughs, and I kiss her cheek before I stand next to her.

“Today has been great, hasn’t it?” I say, and she laughs as she furrows her brow a little. “Every now and then, I just start to think about how much my life has changed since we met.”

Y/N turns to face me, then she leans against the railing, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I nod, then I shrug as I look out at the sun setting, “It’s days like these where I think about how far I’ve come, everything I went through…”

“You went through a lot. Ya know, not many people can say they literally fought like hell for their life and mean it. They mean it metaphorically, but I know it better than anyone how literal it is. I see it every time we’re in bed,” she whispers as she reaches over and touches the scars on my arms and chest, “I see the hell you went through, and I’m grateful that you’re so damn stubborn sometimes because you could have easily complied and said ‘you know what, I give up’, but you didn’t. You kept fighting. You kept fighting because you knew there was a better life out there for you.”

I let out a small laugh as I stand up straight and look over at her, “You know, you’re really good at these talks.”

“Well,” she rolls her eyes playfully as she shuffles in place, “I learned from the best.”

“I’ve just been thinking all day about how amazing my life has been since you came into it. You’ve made me a better man, and I’ll always be grateful for that.” I say, and she smiles with tears in her eyes, “You made me a husband again, and now you’ve made me a father. I can’t thank you enough for allowing me this opportunity.”

Y/N scoffs a little as she looks away and wipes the tears off her cheek, “John…”

“I mean it,” I reach over for her and hold her gaze, “I don’t thank you enough.”

“Because you don’t need to.” she whispers, and I shake my head. “Just waking up and seeing that you’re still there in the morning is enough. I mean sometimes Ro and I can be a handful.”

I shake my head as we both laugh, then I lean down to kiss her, “I’m not going anywhere. You and Ronan mean everything to me, and I mean it when I say I can’t function without you two. Those three days without my girls were rough. It gave me a glimpse as to what it would be like if I didn’t have you two in a way, and I hated it. I hated not feeling your body next to me in the night. I hate not waking up and bringing Ro into bed just to snuggle for a little bit. I hated not having you around.”

Y/N smiles as she looks up at me, then she cups my face and stand on her tiptoes to kiss me. I wrap my arms around her tight and deepen the kiss, then I kiss down her cheek to her neck before holding her for a few moments.

“Thank you for coming into my life and giving me all the things I never knew I wanted,” I whisper, and she tilts her head back and looks at me, “I love you more than I’ll ever able to express.”

“You’re so cute,” she whispers as she rubs her thumb against my cheek, then she leans up to kiss me, “I love you too.”

I hold her hand as I walk over to sit on the couch, and I smile when she sits next to me and puts her right leg over my lap, “It’s beautiful out here.”

“It’s a really nice night.” she nods, then she smiles at me, “Jimmy is going to start a bonfire in bit.”

“Sounds good.”

Y/N clears her throat a little as she shifts in place, then she looks at me and smiles softly, which causes me to grow concerned. Something is…off.

“What’s going on?” I ask, and she furrows her brow. “Come on, I know you. You got that little crinkle in your forehead. You’re thinking about something.”

“Uh, well, I…” she tilts her head back and groans as she looks at the sky, then she looks over at me, “I…god!”

I laugh as I hold her hand, “You can do it, baby.”

Y/N takes a deep breath and looks at me, “I think…I might be pregnant.”

I immediately sit up and look at her, “What?”

“Yeah,” she bites her lip nervously and nods, then she looks down at her hands and shrugs, “I haven’t gotten my period yet. It’s a few days late.”

I look down at my lap for a moment while we’re both silent, and I let everything run through my head.

We want more children but Ronan isn’t even a year old yet. We don’t want kids this close in age, and I know that we want to just stay the three of us for a little while longer before we add another member to the family. How the hell am I going to tell her that I don’t think we should have another baby yet?

I look up when I hear Y/N sniffle, and I move closer to her, “Don’t cry.”

“I just…I don’t want to be pregnant right now. I like just being a little family of three, and I’m just now starting to feel better about things. I’m finally feeling like I got this whole mom thing in the bag. I don’t want to be pregnant right now.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Y/N looks at me and shrugs, “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings--”

“Hey, I agree with you wholeheartedly.” I nod, and she smiles a little. “I love it just being the three of us. I love the way things are going. I don’t want another baby right now either. We’re still getting used to how things are with Ro.”

“Yeah,” she nods as I reach over to wipe the tear off her cheek. “I just finally got my body back. I finally feel like myself again. I’m not ready to share it again.”

I nod as I hold her gaze, “I know. I don’t blame you.”

“So…” she exhales as she looks at me, “Wanna come with me to take the test?”

I perk up as I look at her, “You bought some?”

“Before you got home the other day. I was too nervous to tell you.” she says, and I intertwine my fingers with hers and pull her up from the couch.

We hold hands as we walk inside, and I see Tess give her a wink. Of course Tess probably already knows what’s happening. I wouldn’t put it past these two. I’m glad that she had someone to talk to while I was gone.

Y/N heads downstairs and walks straight to her bag to get out the pregnancy tests, then she opens it while she walks to the bathroom. I let out a small laugh when she immediately sits on the toilet and sticks the test between her legs, then I lean against the door frame and look down to give her privacy.

“Okay,” she sighs as she flushes the toilet and washes her hands. She puts a piece of toilet paper over the test so neither of us peek, then she crosses her arms and looks at me. “I feel like I need to say this: I’ll be happy if we are.”

“I know,” I nod, then I gesture to myself, “Me too.”

Y/N holds my gaze, then she chuckles, “I just don’t want to be.”

“Yeah, same.” I laugh, reaching out for her hand, “I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

A few moments pass as we stand there, and I smile when she looks up at me but I furrow my brow a little when I remember that she’s on birth control.

“I already know what you’re about to ask,” she laughs, and I start to smile, “I haven’t been taking it. It’s just so annoying to remember to take a pill, okay?”

I laugh as I lean over to kiss her, “I understand.”

“I have an appointment Monday, so I’m going to ask Doctor Mendez what I can I do instead because being a new mom causes me to forget to eat half the time, how am I meant to remember to take a pill?”

“Makes sense.” I nod, then I look over when the timer goes off. I walk over to wrap my arm around her shoulder and hold her close to my chest, and we both lean in to kiss one another before I pull the tissue from over the test. “Oh, thank god.”

Not pregnant.

Y/N leans against my chest and laughs, “I’ve never been more nervous.”

“Me too.” I laugh, then I lean back to look at her, “You’re sure you’re happy with those results?”

“Yes, very happy.”

I smile as I lean down to kiss her, “Because if you wanted a different result, I can always help with that.”

Y/N laughs as she tosses the test into the garbage, then she takes my hand and walks to Ronan’s room, quietly pushing the door open so we can check on her. We both tiptoe over to the crib and peek over to look at Ronan, and I wrap my arm around Y/N’s shoulder and kiss her head.

Ronan’s chunky little cheeks are a little red, so Y/N turns the little fan on to cool her down. I smile when she looks at me and wraps her arms around my waist, and we both look back at Ronan.

“I love her more than anything in this world, but I’m not ready to have another one yet.” she whispers, and I look at her, “I love our little world as three.”

“I do too,” I whisper back, then I lean down to kiss her, “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

Inhaling deeply, Y/N takes my hand and leads me to our bedroom where she sits down and pulls me next to her on the bed, “I want to have more kids. We’ve talked about this.”

“Why are you trying to justify your reaction like I’m upset?”

“I don’t want you to think I don’t want more kids.”

I tilt my head as I look at her, then I chuckle as I lean over to kiss her, “I know you want more. I do too! It’s just not time. I’m finally getting you back, I’m finally able to just have you to myself sometimes. You went through so much with this first pregnancy, and I don’t want you to go through all of that again unless you’re ready.”

Y/N smiles as she nods, “Yeah.”

“I love you, and I know you love being a mom,” I reach for her hand and press a kiss to it, “It’s just not time for another baby yet, and I’m completely fine with that. I think we’re both still trying to get used to how things work with a baby, and every month she’s learning something new and things are constantly changing. Plus with only one baby, I can get away with sneaking you off to the bedroom more often.”

“Yeah, very true.” she laughs, nodding her head as she leans over to kiss me.

I hold her gaze for a moment, then I nod to the bed and smirk, “Shall we?”

We both look over when we hear a knock on the glass sliding doors, and we wave at Jimmy. He slides the door open and sticks his head in as he waves.

“You guys coming for the bonfire?”

“Yeah, we’ll be right out.” Y/N says, then she looks at me and laughs, “Maybe we should wait for everyone to be asleep.”

I nod my head as I laugh, “Yeah.”

__

The sun has set, the kids are down, and now all the adults are outside for a bonfire. Bev never misses a moment to boast about her girls and tell embarrassing stories, and she’s making us all laugh telling us about the time Y/N got so sick at school that she needed to be picked up.

“Oh, she smelled horrid.” she says, and Y/N puts her head in her hands as she laughs. “The poor thing just couldn’t stop puking and then it was coming out of both ends. My poor baby was just a stinky crying mess when I picked her up. She ended up having a really bad stomach bug and was out of school for about two weeks. I remember when we needed to take a fecal sample to the hospital for testing, she nearly cried because she didn’t want the ‘boy doctor’ to look at it.”

“Hey! I was embarrassed!” Y/N says, and I chuckle as I look at her, “I was like…7.”

Bev smiles, “You just kept saying ‘no, he’s a boy doctor! Don’t give the boy doctor my poop!’ Everyone in the lobby was trying not to laugh, and the poor thing just cried. They ended up having a female nurse come take it to save the poor thing from the humiliation.”

Y/N laughs, “I’ll be sure to save Ro the childhood trauma and not pass her poop off to the boy doctor.”

I laugh as I rub her arm, then I lean down to kiss her head, “I know you have some embarrassing stories about Tess.”

“Hey!” Tess playfully yells and reaches over to shove my shoulder.

“Of course I do.” Bev laughs, then she shakes her head, “But I won’t do that to her.”

Y/N scoffs jokingly, “Oh, so you’re just going to tell my husband that I shit my pants one time but you’re not going to tell any of Tess’ embarrassing stories. Wow, I see who the favorite is.”

Tess puffs her chest up and flips her hair, then she nudges Y/N’s shoulder, “Nah, mom always said she never had a favorite.”

It’s actually really cool how Bev has always made it seem like Tess is her biological daughter. Y/N takes so much pride is having her as a big sister too. It’s cool that they accepted Tess into the family despite not being blood, and it was nice that I immediately felt at home with them too. They’ve always made me feel so comfortable, and I know it’s because Bev is just a really good woman. I’m glad that Y/N was brought up by her because she’s raised incredible daughters and now Y/N gets to help raise ours.

“Hey,” Jimmy comes out of the house and looks at us, “Ro-Ro is crying.”

Y/N laughs, “Ro-Ro?”

“Yeah, I mean, you got a nickname for Finny. I had to think of one too.” he laughs as he shrugs, “It was Ro-Ro or Rowey.”

“Well,” Y/N tilts her head, “I won’t lie, Rowey is kind of cute.”

I laugh as I get up with her, then we head downstairs to check on Ronan. As soon as we get to the door, Ronan reaches out for her mom and juts her bottom lip out.

“Oh, I know. Momma and daddy are here.” Y/N whispers as she picks her up and bounces her a little, and Ronan lays against her chest and sucks her thumb.

“I think she just needed her momma.” I whisper, then I grab Ronan’s blanket, “She can come upstairs with us.”

Y/N nods, “She’ll probably fall asleep again. She’s just been a little clingy.”

I wrap the blanket around Ronan as we head back outside, and I wait for them to sit down before I sit next to them and make sure they’re both warm. I wrap my arm around Y/N’s shoulder and rub her arm to warm her up, then I smile when she looks at me.

Ronan’s eyes are growing heavy as Y/N rubs her back and slowly rocks her from side to side, and I smile when I see Ronan’s eyes finally flutter shut as her thumb falls out of her mouth. I reach over and rub her back before leaning over to kiss her forehead, then I kiss Y/N and smile at her.

“We love you,” she whispers, and I smile again.

“I love you both.”

Holding tight to Y/N, I rub her arm and listen to the conversations being had, and I smile as I look around at everyone. My family. My perfect little family.

[crimeronan]

thoughts on Niall of it all? I was actually impressed

greywaren spoilers (in a fairly major way this time)

furniture rearranging almost to the point of ABSURDITY and a pretty weird/unexpected way for declan's story to resolve but i think ultimately i dig it. mostly i think it's hysterically funny if declan finds out niall was planning to kill ronan and is like "oh i am suddenly at peace. i am keeping this little factoid in my back pocket for a rainy day when ronan's being Particularly bitchy,"

JOKE I KNOW THAT'S NOT THE TAKEAWAY sorry declan i have to mischaracterize u when it's funny. anyway i still think niall was a massive neglectful fuckup who shouldn't have children in every regard but now more in a sad lost puppy way than an actively malicious one. like i haven't forgotten declan's pov chapter in trk or all the horrible details in that. or niall drunkenly promising the greywaren to a bunch of different people despite supposedly loving ronan and definitely loving declan who he knew loved ronan. Niall What Is Wrong With You. You Stupid Motherf-

what i'm MOST interested in is how declan's love for ronan is ultimately what shaped the lynch family dynamics (because ronan would be dead and neither matthew nor aurora would exist otherwise) and how THAT has more to do with his peace than either of his parents. like that fucks i'm gonna chew on that for days. what the fuck

declan has always been the central component of the story!! everything has always revolved around him!! the man spends his entire life feeling like a forgotten shadow and trying to BE a forgotten shadow when he is The Reason For Everyone's Existence!!

[blonde-batgirl]

You know, I thought I had managed to work out the timeline. Like, Adam says he’s been friends with Gansey for 18 months. St. Mark’s Eve is at the end of April, which would mean he’d met Gansey roughly two Octobers before the story begins. For the sake of simplicity, I’m going to assign years here or it’s going to get very confusing. The years are meaningless, but will hopefully make things easier to follow. The Raven Boys was published in 2012, so let’s say that the story starts in April 2012 and Adam is telling us that he became friends with Gansey in October 2010.

We know that Gansey was friends with Ronan before this and that he knew him before his father was murdered - we also know that he’d been to the Barns before and was acquainted with his whole family, which is... interesting given how secretive the Lynchs are, especially as they can’t have been friends that long (we know Gansey was in England with Malory at least some of the time he was 15). One of Ronan’s POV chapters in The Dream Thieves mentions that he and Gansey got Monmouth ready for Gansey to live in the summer before they met Adam and then Ronan ended up moving in too after his father was killed. This would put Niall Lynch’s death somewhere around the end of summer 2010 and Gansey’s arrival presumably somewhere around the April / May 2010 mark.

Or, to put it another way, the timeline would more or less make sense if Gansey had been in Henrietta for two years. The characters seem to be somewhere between 17 and 18. As Adam, Blue, and Ronan all turn eighteen during the course of the story, Gansey’s birthday is presumably outside of that timeline (so somewhere between later November and early April). With the assumed timeline above, it would be perfectly plausible for him to move to Henrietta between his 15th and 16th birthdays so he could still be fifteen for some of the time he’s running around with Malory as stated in Blue Lily Lily Blue.

This seemed like a perfectly plausible timeline.

...And then I realised that in Chapter Two of The Raven Boys Gansey tells us that he’s been in town eighteen months. This is literally two chapters before Adam also tells us that he’s been friends with Gansey for eighteen months.

This is physically impossible to logic your way around.

And it’s made worse by the line in The Dream Thieves about them making Monmouth habitable the summer before they met Adam, because if Gansey arrived 18 months ago that’s October 2010 (by the timeline we’ve established above), which means that Adam can’t become friends with them until sometime in September / October 2011, which is only 6-7 months before the start of the story. Six months is also how long ago Ronan had his incident with his dreamt Night Horrors, which we know Adam was around for because Gansey tells us he got caught trying to sneak out and it seems unlikely he’d have been involved in this at all if he’d been around such a short amount of time - even with how quickly the characters in this group get tangled together.

To top it all of, in Call Down the Hawk an early chapter tells us that Ronan and Declan fought for a year after their dad’s death, which is far too short unless Niall Lynch - who was dead before Gansey and Ronan met Adam - died in autumn 2011.

This is the point at which I gave up.

(I tried.)