#and I think that if we ever got a Nier world then it would WORK

[hitinmiss]

I think that Riku deserves to get a Kaine level speech and I also think Sora should get to HEAR this speech and be able to act on it 👏👏👏

[taviokapudding]

Simon's joke of "soup of theseus" is so damn good & way more layered than most people think.

Okay so first- what is the ship of Theseus?

So amongst his many misadventures and legends the ship of theseus was a ship the Athenians believed connected them to the divine living person that was Theseus. The thing is, he was maybe Poseidon's adopted kid/the King if Athen's son and probably not real (or at least if he did his misadventures were super exaggerated as royals = divity stories are) but the fate the Athenians had for him & Apollo (the 6 labors is a fun legend that explains their connection and what the original ship may have been) was so intense, they would constantly give maintence as a form of religious worship to said ship on the island of Delos (where Apollo's most sacred sancutary is) every year it would dock to pay respects.

Btw we don't need to know the specifics of Theseus but he did infamously slay a minotar and Finn did have a good exchange with the Mannish Man to get the enchiridion aka the book that sets Betty & Simon on the paths they are on now so that's neat af

So if you've ever heard about the ship of Theseus being paradox- it comes from the critique that's always existed about that ship's maintenance & religious practices tldr if you are constantly replacing each rotted and borken part of a ship, is it still the same ship?

The soup is a paradox like the ship

That paradox exists in many many scifi and adventure stories like the Nier series & Ghost in the Shell but in this instance we got to first look at the joke literally. Farm world's Finn's wife's soup is the same as the ship. The original soup farm world HW made no longer exists on a technicality, but the way Finn and his kids continue to add on and consume the soup is exactly like the Athenians. It's about the intent of carrying on the memory and keeping the soup around to honor the dead rather than the soup's original recipe {which also is incredibly sad & imples that farmworld Finn is both coping and never learned the original soup recipe}. It's a beautiful way to honor their dead mom/wife and it makes you wonder if that Finn did die if his kids will continue the practice.

But the paradox goes beyond the soup & into our reality

A lot of people have noticed that Fionna's last name is Campbell and Campbells is a real soup brand that would've been around before the great mushroom war. When Marceline gets sick as a kid, Simon goes great lenghts to get her chicken soup- that only worked out because the primordial version of the Mother Gum assisting {which is extreme Bubbeline foreshadowing}. And in that scene the can low key is a campbell design. But what if I told you there's more?

In Cheers, the tv show Simon is seen constantly watching and referencing throughout the original run of Adventure Time & in the recent Fionna and Cake had Carla Tortelli work at a Canpbell's Factory.

Neat references aside the soup ends the moment the main trio hit the remote button and I have a BA in psychology & interest in childrens media and entertainment that I want to milk for once. Metaphorical intention is beyond relevant episode specifics but actually the foundation of Fionna and Cake when it comes to the paradox.

Simon making the soup of Theseus joke is the main problem Fionna and Cake has to address

If Simon can summon his & Prismo's au from his head without proper MMS (Magic, Madness, and Sadness) where does Simon the human start and Ice King end?

As viewers who grew up alongside the series, the majority of 25+ watchers are finding Simon, older Finn, and Fionna painfully relatable because good fucking god we are all traumatized because of the ongoing pandemic.

If you want to focus on the main topic you can skip this part. But if you want to get very serious for a minute, please stay. The majority of people wont to accept what I just said about the pandemic being ongoing because global governments pretending the pandemic is over, the rise of depression and escapism in real time at a social level at a global level but especially in the US where the series is being made, and the daily interactions we have with most people refusing to mask up {with a violent reaction} when there still isn't a cure for COVID has created the perfect enviroment for most people to not accept change or crave extreme change. Fionna and Cake tackles these 2 very common forms of how depression tends to manifest when it's not fully manic to be displayed through Simon (self isolation from poor coping due to loss, detachment from society, dwelling on the past to the point it effects social interactions, extreme forms of religious practice, etc.) and Fionna/Finn (pretending everything is fine, avoidance, going through the bare minimum motions to survive, escapsim and dream of grandure, not caring about sel preservation, no/lack of self control with sweets/coffee, etc.). And I've noted there's a subset of AT viewers who don't relate or find the depections too real to the point they're upset the show's tone isn't as light hearted as AT. The thing is when a global disabling event happens, unless you were under 10 when it happened and even then it's a 50/50 because you probably did lose or know somebody who did die these last several years, you will have some kind of trauma response to it whether you like it or not. Hell, some of you unknowlingly have a gap in your memory about 2020 specifically due to inconsistent sleep schedules that have nothing to do with the shrinking of the brain mass COVID causes that we all call "brain fog" and now that I pointed it out you're probably going to go stare at a wall for 5 mins {sorry btw, doubly if you have long COVID and this is how you found out what brain fog partially is}. As someone who's been dealing with depression since I was a child, it's okay to be not okay given the last several years and doubly if you've been conscious long enough to see the US freefall into fascism too {which I hope encourages those who weren't aware that's been happening to go look into that because we can't get into it right now}. Because I unfortunately know what manic depression can look like - if you find yourself relating to Simon a little too much during ep 3, please talk to somebody who is licensed and trained to do so {not me, I haven't done suicide prevention work since 2017 and am not licensed- I genuienly won't be enough of a resource} okay? Don't throw away yourself nor change yourself for others only. You need to work to accept the past, move on to live in the present, and change yourself for yourself. It won't be easy and resources are out there to not do it alone, alright?

Becuase of how paradoxial and fluid mental health (espeically undiagnosed depression) can be and how AT has it's own version with MMS, could Simon have unconscious MMS still because of Betty's with without a battery but can't tap into it because of his mental state? And could Ice King as we once knew him even be considered a proper person Simon could return too?

The original wish of why Ice King's appearance & abilities is the way it is IS because of Evergreen's impression on Gunter {Evergreen was one of the ice elementals of the past btw- go watch the original Adventure Time for that context}. So Ice King isn't even an original character, just the crown building off the wishes and manifestations of each bearer by emulating a warped version of Evergreen. And that's the main reason why I speculate Ice Thing aka Gunter the Penguin is chill af to the point he got married and can exist with less gems. His wish didn't build off of power to protect Marceline (Simon) nor the power to copy Evergreen (Original Gunter).

As the main trio jump from connected universe to connected universe, more Simons and crowns will appear that are even more removed from our Ooo's crown and it's version of Ice King or Ice Prince or Winter King will only manifest because of the prior and current wishes made. So if Simon does get a crown that isn't the Ooo crown, will the Ice King that once existed even be THE Ice King he wants to be? And will Simon want to be Ice King or an Ice King when the trio do return to his Ooo?

The crown and it's many versions is a paradox that can only be resolved if Simon and Fionna can work together but also set aside their depression to address what they both really want and what that wish's intention will do to themselves and those around them. In short, shit's deep

I applaud the team for Fionna and Cake for tackling such a layered problem and I'm excited to see how Simon's soup of emotions, Fionna's growth, & magic crown of Theseus is addressed.

[authorchan13yeager]

Aot and Nier automata have the same vibe

Okay I know that most of you must be like ''Girl, the fuck are you saying?" But I have had that recent thoughts lately and I came to the conclusion that Aot (Attack on Titan) and Nier automata have the same vibes and a lot of things similar that they both share.

(BIG ASS SPOILS AHEAD.)

There's a lot of things that seems alike in both of the works :

-1) The enemies that first Introduced as heartless beast and cruel creatures only to reveal later that they actually are way more complex and have a disturbing truth to them.

-2) One of the mains protagonist is a male that slowly fall into madness and commit a lot of crime and horrible things.

In they last moments both find themselves have some clearty to their actions.

-3) Both of the works have a mains female protagonist that have strong attachments to the male protagonist and doesn't show much emotions and somehow end up killing the male protagonist.

same haircut and both badass women

Both scenes are both a really sad and bittersweet moment.

-4) Both works introduce us to something that us (reader/gamer) and the characters believe only to be revealed later to be a lie.

In Aot it's first showed and implied that the whole humanity is behind the walls that's are protecting them.Only to be revealed later that the whole humanity isn't the whole humanity and that all of them were only a small part of the rest of the world.

That's explained Eren reaction and that's mean that the really first scene of the show is a lie.

For Nier automata it's basically the same things, the humanity is on the moon to protect themselves from the machines only to be revealed later by 9S that's a lie and that's the humanity is completely extinct and that YoRHa is there to be destroyed to perpetuate the lie.

(I couldn't find a image to illustrate my saying but I have that quote of 9S before fighting A2 in the end of the route C/D)

"The Commander? Me? 2B? Sacrificial lambs. All of us. Isn't that HILARIOUS!? Doesn't it make you LAUGH!?"

-5) Both of the works LOVES killing their characters.

I refuse to elaborate.(Sasha is one example in a few but I found her death so impactful that I putted this example here but any other Aot dead character would fit.)

-6) The importance of the concept of "Hate" in both work.

Hate is something that been talk about in both works.In Nier automata, its Adam (and Eve to so extent) that showed us the concept of Hate In the game and it's importance in it.Just for example the Hate that Eve felt when Adam got killed by 2B is something important because it's one of the few reasons that killed him in the end.(If we forget that 2B head-stabbed him)

But why do I'm talking about this ? Because it's somehow a foreshadowing to what happened to 9S in the route C/D.Our boy is already traumatised by the death of 2B but for those saying that "He BeCamE eViL bEcAuSe A2 kILleD HiS GiRl." It's way more complicated than that.

One of the few reasons of his breakdown is when he finds the truth about humanity extinction and later the main goal of YoRHa and that everyone was supposed to die, are the few reasons that lead him to lose it, but the main thing, it's the real purpose of 2B whose to kill him when he knows too much.

It's implied in the game (but also in the novel) that 9S hate and love 2B in the same time, but I think that the thing he hate isn't directly 2B. 9S hate the fact that they both stuck in this cycle (''this never ending spiral of life and death''), he hate that they both won't ever have a chance in love together.He hate that in the end not only he had and have die several times (it's implied in a concert that 2B killed him 48 times) but also getting killed by his loved one.All that Hate that been there is what lead him to lose his bananas and so to get destroyed by it.(If we forget that A2 stabbed him in ending D, it's not really clear to know what exactly happened to 9S after the ending C) JUST LIKE EVE DURING THE ENDING A AND B.

Now concerning Aot, the concept of hate is explained by the humanity.Since the beginning of the manga there's hate everywhere.Hate towards the titans, towards the rest of the world, hate by being a prisoner of some wall...

And especially Hate towards those that we can't understand.The world is stuck in this neverending spiral of hate, and Eren understood it just as well.

This is the real goal of Eren, to stop this cycle of hate and then offering his friends and people a peaceful and long life.(Something he managed to do in end even if he didn't killed everyone)

But he did also knew that this peaceful state won't last and that's why we see in the last panel everything getting destroyed.In the end the spiral of hate keep going despite everything. (Explaining the sentence "to you in 2000...or maybe 20 000 later" implying he knows that the cycle, despite his efforts will one day start all over again.)

I feel like Aot is actually the Hate existing in humanity, and Nier Automata (and the others games, don't worry i know they exist too) love talking about humanity and their dark side.

-7) A lot of shitty events happen and despite the trauma in there, the both works are actually talking about a tragic love story.

Take it or leave it.But both work are actually about a love story.

(9S2B in Automata and Eremika in Aot)

You've might have seen this point coming if you read the earlier point but yeah.Both are talking about a tragic love story in a cruel but beautiful world.

Even if in the whole story, a lot of struggle happened but in the end they still find a way to be toghether.(Somehow.)

So yeah there's a loooot of things that ties Automata and Snk/Aot together and this is just a few exemple to explain my points.I hope this isn't too annoying, my sorry ass love talking about this i'm passionate about.

[everygame]

The Legend of Zelda: Breath Of The Wild (Nintendo Switch)

Developed/Published by: Nintendo EPD / Nintendo Released: 3/3/2017 Completed: 09/06/2023 Completion: Beat Ganondorf with all memories. Trophies / Achievements: n/a

I’m not going to talk about Breath Of The Wild at length because I’m sure that–as the kind of person who is reading this–you’ve already read hundreds if not thousands of words about what is now generally considered the greatest game of all time (unless it’s been supplanted by Tears Of The Kingdom for sure by now?) 

In that, of course, it supplanted Ocarina of Time, and after playing through Breath Of The Wild and, wildly, having my breath taken by it [“Ah, that’s what you come here for”--Ed.] I’m really struck by what a basic bitch I can be. Even as time passed and people tended to sneer at the idea of Ocarina of Time’s position as the greatest of all time (or perhaps I’m just too Insert Credit-pilled?) while I’d admit the game would probably not be in my top ten now and I have little-to-no urge to replay it, I’d still probably go to bat for it, simply because it’s a game I remember so fondly.

I just remember playing through basically all of it from a bean bag and it maybe being one of the first games where I tried to get as much done as possible before a point-of-no-return, and then trying to basically 100% it before beating the last boss (which I eventually gave up on because I was feeling left behind by the other people I new who had beaten it.) Something I remember playing because I just liked playing it, not because I was trying to finish it or anything.

And bloody hell if that wasn’t Breath Of The Wild–and I’m truly surprised by that. As is my usual behavior, I finally played this because everyone was having fun with Tears Of The Kingdom, but I’d have played it a lot quicker if I hadn’t (weirdly) been waiting to see if Nintendo would ever announce an upgraded Switch or anything after a friend had offhandedly said “oh, I can’t imagine playing that on a Switch Lite.”

Well, I did anyway and it was fine.

The weird thing about Breath Of The Wild–and the thing you’ve probably heard endlessly about it (I haven’t read much on the game, to be honest)--is just how it trusts the player implicitly in a bafflingly un-Nintendo way. I cannot believe that the game literally starts, gives you like three small tutorial dungeons, and then goes “kill Ganondorf. Er, probably do these other things first, but if you want to try and kill him immediately we won’t stop you.”

It’s wild! And what really blows me away is how for the most part all the game really is is a open-world checklist, and one where the things you are doing are honestly very basic tiny dungeons that usually have nearly no reward at all, and yet… I felt constantly rewarded by it. Is it simply that Nintendo polish? That effort on feel, on visual? When I think about playing something like, say, Days Gone, which actually has perfectly fine moment-to-moment gameplay.. why do I feel like I’m chewing through something endless and repetitive there, but here I climb a tower to unlock the map–the exact kind of thing I’d roll my eyes at in an Ubisoft game–and I’m like “yeahhh dudeeee!!!”

I mean, I guess I’ve got complaints, but I also sort of understand for the most part why those things are the way they are. I wish cooking was easier (holding stuff in your hands and dropping them into a pan sounds cool, but you’re still mostly navigating a menu, and the lack of it recording a cookbook is a bummer). The economy is totally broken (everyone I’ve talked to about this game eventually relied on an exploit like snowman bowling to get enough cash). The “major” dungeons are kinda nothingy. Quests are as unrewarding as the ones in Nier and they’re not even trying to take the piss out of you.

But this the kind of thing that we want to call the greatest game of all time because it just works. You can quibble this, you can quibble that, but it’s a game I played because I liked playing it, and when I was done with it–I’d got a nice horse, I had a nice house, all the armor and weapons I wanted and that–I just… finished it and felt good about it.

Will I ever play it again? I probably could have played it more! But that’s for Tears Of The Kingdom.

Final Thought: I also rather appreciated the game’s attempt at telling a fairly minimal narrative in a non-linear fashion that (at least for me) paid off. I don’t think it was that successful at recontextualising the whole “save the princess” trope or anything, but it was trying something a little thoughtful, so even that got points.

Support Every Game I’ve Finished on ko-fi! You can pick up a digital copy of exp. 2600, a zine featuring all-exclusive writing at my shop, or join as a supporter at just $1 a month and get articles like this a week early.

[something-very-special]

Call Her Back

Probably already a post with this title from the Let’s Play but it’s appropriate.

Thoughts on Replicant up to Ending A (and change):

This game is pretty. I guess it didn’t really hit me because I’ve always thought that the original NIER was pretty, but this game can be very pretty.

This in particular just kind of struck me as I was going across the Northern Plains. It had been dominantly gray, overcast skies up to that point because Part II of the game is meant to be. You know. Bleak. But I walked out onto a bright, sunny day with an expanse of blues skies, the mountains in the backgrounds, the ivy a burst of green growing up the rusted sides of the train tracks and it just kind of hit me that the game can be very pretty.

(Then I got punched out by a Shade.)

It’s definitely not a matter of massive graphical overhaul. The models look much better (getting a good look at the Twins during the finale, they really are beautiful) and I’m sure the environmental poly count is much higher and just overall smoother, and there are little touches here and there and just the capacity for better atmospheric lighting... I mean it all helps. But NIER is a game that’s always had fantastic art direction, making the most out of its budget through atmospheric tuning. There’s something uniquely beautiful about its muted palette and the way it uses its spaces that elevates it beyond the its actual technical limitations. It doesn’t look like an end-of-generation PS4 game, but that’s not an insult; it looks very much like itself from ten years ago, with its solid art direction, but touched up where it matters.

Does the sidequest grind seem... better...? I haven’t really dug into the BEST part of the game (spending 30 hours grinding out weapon upgrades) but I mentioned before my theory about how the sidequest grind is supposed to be carried out across multiple playthroughs and that’s why it sucks. To my surprise I finished Ending A missing only one sidequest (your friend and mine, Life in the Sands), with all of the other ones being more or less... pretty natural? The only thing I really needed to go out of my way for was Memory Alloy but all the other components didn’t really give me the kind of grief I remember from my playthroughs of the original. ���Grief’ of course being relative to getting the platinum trophy, but my first time through the game I gave up finishing a few outstanding sidequests (specifically, fixing the lighthouse broke me-- I could not find 10 Mysterious Switches!)

Maybe I just got lucky, especially with the Machine Oils. Maybe some weird muscle memory kicked in. I feel like there were a few purchasing options that weren’t open originally, too, to ameliorate some of the grind, but it might also be a case of those options being cost-prohibitive so I just didn’t really acknowledge them... whatever the case the sidequest grind felt overall pretty painless. I dunno!

I really need to know how to manipulate events. For literally seven playthroughs straight of the latter half of the game I always did the keystone quest as Junk Heap (start) - Forest of Myth - Junk Heap (end) - Facade - Aerie. It wasn’t until I did a run with my college roommates and Popola gave me the Aerie letter before the Facade in invite that I realized the Aerie wasn’t actually programmed to be the last event.

Absolutely blew my mind, and ever since I became aware of it, it feels like the game goes out of its way to make sure the Aerie always comes before Facade. When I did my Let’s Play of NIER I kept a save file from the start of the kystone collection so I could re-do the events in case they went ‘out of order’ (according to my headcanon)... which they did. I replayed the latter half of the game again in order to get things the way I wanted them to be, same order, and fortunately it cooperated the second time, but I still don’t understand what the trigger is, if there’s a way to manipulate it, or when the determination is even made.

And then they throw the Little Mermaid into the mix, which I wasn’t expecting (that is, I knew it was added, but I’ve been mostly avoiding spoilers -- and happily, the changes have largely been a delight, I’m so excited for the subsequent playthroughs -- but the way it was posted about made it seem like it would happen after and apart from the keystone quest. Not so, my friends).

The reason for this is just the emotional escalation of each factor of the quest. The Forest of Myth is weird and little else (at this juncture, of course). The Junk Heap is a personal tragedy, but the actual tragedy has already occurred and you’re just experiencing the fallout. Facade is a powerful and personal tragedy that deserves to be experienced later on. The Aerie is a terrible place and nobody misses it it’s an enormous loss and profoundly traumatic for the party, and it feels like the appropriate apex to basically force them to go to the Castle and finish the fight, having already lost far too much.

Also it’s just super weird to me that they see that devastation, they literally wipe an entire settlement off the map, and then the next day everybody’s super excited to go to a wedding.

It also becomes even weirder that you go to Popola post-Aerie and nobody mentions ‘yeah that didn’t go so well’ but coming out of Seafront they have a legitimate conversation about the loss of the ferryman and the people they’re never getting back. I guess that guy had a personality but I still think maybe somebody should mention the smoking crater where people used to be.

Then again it’s legitimately funny to me how basically everybody is just agreed the world is better off without it.

This might also just be an issue of familiarity. Maybe if I’d always ended on Facade, or actually known that they could be swapped out as they are, it wouldn’t feel so weird. I definitely got used to the pacing with the Aerie at the end and I feel like I got into a debate with somebody about how it’s more appropriate for Facade to come last so this might just be a personal thing. But it’s still a personal thing and I’m still vaguely irritated I can’t figure out how it works.

Anyway I blew up the Aerie So that’s that problem taken care of.

I feel like the ambiance surrounding Wendy was a little creepier this time. I swear I heard that good stock creepy child laughter in the background.

Then the ferryman left This was a nice bit of foreshadowing; following the Aerie events I wanted to hop over to Seafront to take care of an extant sidequest only to find the ferry dock in the Northern Plains empty. I thought that maybe this was just a weird way of railroading you to make sure you went through the Village first, even though there were no scenes that would trigger just by being in the Village.

Alas.

Not gonna lie, when the couple was first introduced I thought for SURE it was going to be the wife who wound up dead. I guess it’s because the guy had a purpose as an NPC so yeah, I was tricked. Good design decision; the ferryman is talkative and bright and definitely difficult to forget and even though he was kinda obnoxious there’s a definite void where his dialogue was. It’s clever too that you’re forced to use the ferry at least once so you can’t escape the dialogue that you’re presented with, meaning that even if you don’t really make use of the ferry you’ll always have that contrast between him at the start of Part II and the other guy (his brother, maybe?) taking over the job and just not really talking to you afterward.

Episode Mermaid First of all, to be clear, I’ve not done the Route B playthrough yet. All I know about the Little Mermaid is what’s presented on the surface, what can be gleaned from there, what I remember reading in the Grimoire NieR short story. This is very much just an impression and reaction to the first encounter and it’s pretty cool.

I like that they managed to go into yet another genre style aping a point-and-click adventure.

I like the atmosphere of the wrecked ship. It really brought me back to the ‘ghost ship’ level archetype with its little hints of spookiness.

I appreciate that it ties subtly in to the Haunted Manor (technically the Part I Seafront dungeon) with Weiss’ utterly irrational fear of ghosts.

I love every excuse they find to get Kaine and Emil (and especially Kaine) out of a situation. It’s almost a running gag that Kaine keeps getting knocked out of dungeons and boss fights. None of them are quite as great as her getting Rules Lawyer’d in the Barren Temple, but there’s something delightful about “Let’s get you some fresh air, we’ll be right outside, be careful!” and then bookending it with Kaine and Emil just chilling at the end like “Well yeah there are a lot of holes in the hull we just popped in.”

(I forgot to go backward to see what happens if you try to take them into Seafront proper, gotta remember that next time.)

Interesting thing when you find some of the dropped apples is that Nier and Weiss talk about the dinner they had with the couple. This was actually a really sweet and oddly emotional conclusion to the added sidequest between the bickering couple-- entirely missable. I would assume the dialogue just doesn’t trigger if you didn’t do the quest but it was a nice touch.

I appreciate the use of dead bodies in the hold.

(That’s a sentence.)

But for the game’s focus on violence and excess of blood it’s very selective in how it uses actual corpses. Any time you see a dead body it really emphasizes the seriousness of the situation. The corpses in the hold and the blood spatter -- especially compared to how bright and clean Seafront as a whole is -- was surprisingly effective. Again, just good atmospheric buildup.

Bit of an anticlimax as a boss, though. It is a really cool boss, between the environmental buildup to the fight and then actually unveiling her, but for how big and scary she is the fight itself went by fairly quick, and the actual finale (the postman whacking her hand telling her to go away she’s groooooss) felt a bit weird in comparison to the way the boss fights in the rest of the game usually play out. Of course, I don’t have context of her dialogue (I can take my guesses, her holding out her hand to Hans as he freaks out and attacks her is already a palpable tragedy) and by the way the scene was framed I suspect the Route B reveal is where the most important part of the scenario lies.

And the seals came back! It’s the little things.

“I wish I was Fyra.” So in the original Replicant the conversation between Emil and Nier before Sech’s wedding was apparently an implication that Emil had a crush on Nier and wanted to marry him. It was ambiguous enough that people had to ask for clarification and some players interpreted it as a weird, childish expression of looking up to and respecting Brother Nier. It was clarified in the Grimoire NieR that Emil is gay and crushing hard on Brother Nier, and this line of dialogue here seems to have been... not made explicit, but changed even between RepliCant and ver. 1.22 to make the implication a little clearer, at least insofar as he isn’t interested in girls. (It winds up missing the implication that he’s into Nier specifically, though.)

...which is funny, because it colors his introduction to the King of Facade somewhat differently. These two meeting is honestly really sweet on a few levels (Sechs recognizing him from Nier’s descriptions, which implies that Nier’s been visiting Sechs regularly and so proud of his interactions with Emil he told the king of another nation all about him, and the King is legit excited to meet him) but then a couple of minutes later Emil is all ‘I’m so jealous of Fyra’. He isn’t crushing on Nier, but he is totally crushing on Sechs.

Endgame At this point in the game the distinction between Brother and Father has become mostly lost and the final charge is pretty much the same as

wait what’s up with the music in the Lost Shrine? This is Snow in Summer.

Or an arrangement thereof. That particular track level from Snow in Summer winds up getting used in a few new places and it has this kind of weird, vague sense of dread that makes it work pretty well. Utterly threw me off in the Lost Shrine, though (I think it’s appropriate given its connection to the Shadowlord/Gestalt Nier so slowly re-introducing it in the climb is pretty cool). It also builds insanely as you climb, which is a very cool effect but, um, I’m just here to pick up some sidequest items right now this feels like a little much.

There isn’t much to say regarding any impact or differences in the large part of this area of the game. It’s a good final dungeon, it carries good momentum, it works as well as it ever did (that is to say, rather well). The emotional beats are great and translate equally well between the protagonists, although I have to give the nod to Papa Nier during a lot of this just for the imagery of such a big, powerful man becoming so broken the further he goes in (and Kaine being strong enough to toss him around like a rag doll anyway).

The final flashback with Nier and Yonah also feels better with Papa Nier. I always read it as, of course, Papa Nier having his moment with Yonah, giving her the flower, and as he lays back down Yonah does the same big sigh like she’s trying to emulate her dad and it’s really sweet. This is another one of those moments where it’s not something that feels wrong in Replicant, but just having that comparison in the back of my head is something that I just can’t help.

Is Papa Nier still Best Neir? Yes.

But there’s room in my heart for Brother. I’m glad the bizarre marketing decision happened and both of these characters can exist.

...and then we reload the save. Okay, okay, so-- so here’s the thing-- I figured that’s a good place to conclude a session, right? Get to the ending, prepare for the next run. But I also know that Route B starts with Kaine’s unskippable novel segments. I’ve read them, of course, so I figure I’ll just reload into Route B so I can make a save after the novel sections, really get into the meat of Route B when I’m fresh.

So skim through those--

Beat up the Knave--

Skim through the rest--

Educated Warrior... didn’t pop...?--

Wait what’s this camera angle--

Why am I outs--

oh my god

oh my god

KAINE AND EMIL HAVING GIGGLY GIRL TALK AROUND THE CAMPFIRE OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING

THERE’S MORE.

THERE’S. MORE.

I legit short-circuited. Going in I knew they added the Little Mermaid. I knew they added Ending E. Those were things I suspected would be added and went out to specifically confirm; beyond that I’ve been keeping myself completely spoiler free.

I had no idea there was more. I had no idea this was happening.

I’m so excited.

And a goofy thought for the road

“I polished you with a special cloth, I poured warm water on you--”

“Wait, you poured water on me?”

/imagines Emil running blindfolded eight hours across the Southern Plains with an 8oz plastic water cup, getting to the library, splashing it on Kaine, waiting expectantly

/nothing happens

/walks dejectedly eight hours all the way back to the Manor

[autumnslance]

Overall 5.4 Impressions

So I’ve said enough words about 1 story. The rest of the patch though I liked.

The VAs obviously had a rough time with alternate recording options and direction making many of them sound different, and it’s been so darn long since Cid’s gotten to speak--Heavensward patches!--and we’re all more familiar with his ARR voice out of Prae, that it really sounds off.

I’m neutral on catboy, so am fine with him running around doing Scion things with us. Honestly, if I start to feel fandom is negatively impacting me toward a character, I change up my social media consumption, who I interact more with for a time, and do my own things with the char. I’m also generally far more likely to go from negative on a character to positive thanks to fandom enthusiasm, though--I’d rather be neutral to positive on characters and their place in narrative than not.

(In any case, Aeryn keeps catboy at arm’s length; things are weird, but he means well, even his methods weren’t great, and she’s happily in a relationship so doesn’t even notice his crush/hero worship, which isn’t any different from a lot of other popular NPCs reactions to the WoL, anyway, so easy to wave off.)

I LOVE EDEN’S PROMISE. I’ve been through it twice now and the parallels with FFVIII killed me. I still wish Eden’s Verse got as much emotional resonance, but the usual end of the 8man raid story paid off well here. The reveal of the “Faerie”’s true identity works, tied back to MSQ and the main plot of the First well, and makes sense from a lore standpoint in every way. It’s bittersweet in how it validates a lot of headcanons concerning reincarnations and how it resolves on that angle. I am sad the daughters seem to be back behind the NPC Plotwall again, though. Gimme my girls, SE! I want to see them being cute around Norvrandt. Ryne’s little line about it’s unlikely she’ll ever see Thancred again did break my heart a little, please, I want our family to be together!! Also her calling him her knight in shining armor, and thinking how he would react to that, amuses me. I love how his gunblade was relevant, though, and again tied back to those FFVIII parallels.

YoRHa’s little story bit this patch I felt OK with taking care of Konogg, and like how the WoL spends a lot of time talking gently with him, and/or teasing him to try and cheer him up. The injured dwarves story is very sad, and their anger understandable, though Konogg is just a kid. I’ve got theories and ideas and talked things over with a friend who’s played more NieR and I am intrigued for the final wing of that quest. And creepy as it was in the end, I was less creeped out than by Werlyt. Maybe cuz I expected weirdness and some tragedy in NieR but also there wasn’t anything really overt going on here.

The Role Quest and following Void Quests were all I have ever wanted for the Virtue Hunters, for Cyella, and for Unukalhai. I love them all being friends and working together. I enjoyed getting yelled at by a rightfully exasperated Beq Lugg, especially when choosing the silly dialogue options. I want more of this plot and these characters going forward; it feels like it’s a setup for more coming, and I very much hope that’s the case.

Fandaniel’s nihilism is interesting, and I wonder if a cover for something else. A friend calls him “very Kuja” and it really is that vibe; learning you’re “not real” and deciding the world can burn for it. Zenos is just...there for me. I really don’t care one way or another. He mostly irritated me through Stormblood and I eye-rolled he came back (like everyone else in that expac) and am now like “guess we’ll see where this is going.” I’m interested in where the MSQ’s going next but with a .4 patch I am scared for characters again. A little salty they took the boys off to the Empire right away, and what could happen there; a “Meanwhile” might have been nice. Hopefully we get them back in 5.5 (if nothing else for tank and healer variety in MSQ trusts again). We just got the family home, and off they go! At least their shippers got some nice food, though.

Speaking of trusts, I love Matoya, and I love the dungeon. Took me a bit to get the second boss’ mechanic, but overall a lot of fun, neat design, cute music. I’m glad Alisiae finally got a win and has made frickin’ history. Everything with Limsa and Merlwyb was fantastic.

So yeah, I enjoyed it! It feels like I do more than some, but I try not to tie myself too tightly to specific characters or places, and tolerate chars I’m indifferent to all right. I’m glad a city-state and leader outside Ul’dah got some time finally. We checked in with a lot of folks, at least briefly, and so it really felt like “welcome home, immerse yourself in original Eorzea again” even as it’s threatened by a rogue Ascian.

So yeah, ready to see what we get in the next patch and how it leads us to 6.0!

I may make more posts about Eden’s Promise and the Role/Void Quests later, IDK yet.

[burningdarkfire]

tagged by @saturdaysky​, thank you! always very happy to talk about writing 🤠

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

36 on ao3, with many others left in the past on livejournal or ffnet

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

162k. it’s kind of a shame it doesn’t have the majority of my pre-2011 output as i never ported over my top four or five longest fics. i would’ve loved to see some genuine lifetime totals!

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

9 on ao3 (critrole, nier, hetalia, overwatch, trc, voltron, no. 6, star wars, tiger & bunny). if you expand trc to include anything clamp and throw in code geass then that covers everything i’ve ever published, though homestuck is by far the fandom i have the most WIPs for despite never finishing a single one and deserves a shoutout

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

take my hand / take my whole life too: critrole, 9k, how essek and caleb’s relationship evolves through touch

blue sky, warm sun: critrole, 3.5k, six mornings caleb wakes with essek

dark night, bright stars: critrole, 3k, six nights caleb spends with essek

kitty love: star wars, 1.5k, kylo ren forms a bond with hux’s cat millicent

the walls kept tumbling down: critrole, 2k, caleb spontaneously visits essek after a hard day

commentary and further answers are below the cut!

spots 1-3 on the list are gladly accepted, given that i also think they’re some of my best and most broadly-appealing shadowgast. kitty love gets its spot despite being pure, pointless crack because it’s for a huge fandom, which is fine and fun but i don’t have a lot of personal attachment to it

the walls kept tumbling down is a surprise! it was a self-indulgent “i want a fic exactly like this to fix my mood and instead of digging through the internet for one i’ll just make one up” that i only worked on for a couple of days. i’m glad it clicked for other people!

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i always try to respond to comments, although sometimes a week or two pass by before i can find the energy to sit down and do it

admittedly comments have gone unanswered during months or years when i’m not writing fic and then it feels too awkward to a) go back and respond, and b) respond to any further comments on the fic even if they come in when i’m active. so instead those comments haunt my ao3 inbox forever (oops)

i do appreciate every single one though, and there are some comments that i go back to read if i need a pick-me-up just because they were so nice 😊

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i’ll link my no. 6 fic forgive me because it still dominates my top fics in terms of hits despite being 387 words long. i wrote it in 2011 in less than half an hour, if i’m remembering correctly, and there are a few clever bits in it that i’m still quite proud of

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

i don’t usually write or read “pure” crossovers but i do like fusion AUs where characters from one work are imported into the setting of another work

but it’s fandom-dependent. critrole has been an outlier in that i can count on one hand the number of AU fics i’ve read and liked enough to remember. some of my favourite canon-adjacent fics veer off wildly, but they’ve still got their roots in the universe

i’ve published 17 critrole fics myself and they’re all canon-adjacent. i’m only now working on my first fusion-type AU 🤷‍♂️

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

i have one distinct memory of receiving criticism on a fic. in hindsight, it was constructive and pretty fair, but i was a young teen and so it still haunts me

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

i do!! and i’m excited about it because it’s fairly new to me!

i write to the characters, and what kind of relationship i think they’d have, but it’s probably true that my interests tend towards certain relationship dynamics

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i’m aware of!

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, actually! this was about about a decade ago so sadly the details have been lost in the haziness of memory and the inaccessibility of ffnet. i tried to dig it up last night but couldn’t find it again 😔

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i don’t ... think so? my current roommate and i tried co-writing when we were teenagers but none of that got published. it’s possible i’m forgetting something from my livejournal/early tumblr days because i remember doing a lot of ask games and challenges with other writers and fandom friends

now i’m just an introvert who avoids invites to discords because i feel like i simply Do Not Have Time so 🤡 not sure it’s anywhere on the horizon

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

i used to have shipping walls and pairing lists until 2015 or so but i have since accepted that i am changeable like the wind. my interests come and go!

i am a multi-shipper though as a general rule. i’ve never had such a loyalty to a pairing that it would bother me to pair one half with someone else, and i also don’t care at all whether or not a ship is canon. it’s just about what’s interesting!

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i’ve had remarkably sequential focus for my critrole fics and finished nearly every idea i’ve had so far. however, this ACME AU is testing me lol and i’ve spent so much time on it that my list of other ideas to write is only getting longer and longer. nothing is abandoned yet, because not much else has even been started, but i am starting to sweat a little

15) What are your writing strengths?

i love my writing style! i value simplicity and clarity: no flowery descriptions, easy words, few similes, little variance in sentence structures, etc. it can vary, based on my mood or the characters i’m writing, but i like doing more with less

i’ve spent years working at my own style and it is so satisfying to read something i wrote in 2011 and feel how familiar it still is while being able to pick out what i would change

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

recently, it’s been plot. if it can’t be conveyed by 2-4 characters talking to each other then i don’t know how to do it anymore 😭 i’m most invested in emotional resolutions, but it’s probably a good idea to have things happen sometimes!

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i really do not enjoy this when it’s used as a “character quirk”. this includes nicknames, common phrases even if they are spoken that way in canon, and .. everything, really, that’s in a different language

i’ve spent a lot of time in spaces where it seemed widely agreed that doing so was not welcome, and i’ve had considerable fandom “culture shock” reading critrole fics. there are plenty of reasons to have caleb speaking “zemnian” or to emphasize his accent, and those reasons don’t need to be lofty or deep, but i do think there should be a reason beyond “haha this guy says ja instead of yeah”

i promise, absolutely pinky swear, that i don’t judge anyone on an individual basis for doing this. it seems to be a deep-seated fandom trend in this case and i just wish it wasn’t

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

tsubasa reservoir chronicle (trc) all the way back in 2010. tsubasa, my beloved, how you changed my life 💕

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

i like different ones for different reasons, but the top contender might be such is the endlessness for nier automata. it’s a vampire/werewolf enemies-to-lovers fusion AU where i put 2b and 9s in an original universe of mine that i wrote about a lot when i was a teenager

i feel like i did a spectacular job of adapting the universe for nier and i thought i conveyed a lot about the world in a relatively short number of words (the entire fic is just under 5k). i’ve considered more than once that i should use this version of the universe going forward because i enjoy it so much!

-

thanks again for the tag, sky, and i’ll leave this open to anyone else who wants to try as i think most of my mutuals have already been included. don’t be shy about tagging me in your answer if you take my open invite as i love reading these! 💖

[razeluxe]

Razeluxe’s Top Ten Male Characters

So I’ve been thinking about doing a particular list for my favorite characters across anime and games for quite a while and with some advice I decided to break it into my favorite male and favorite female characters. Most people that know me can probably guess at my top three favorites but if you don’t know me... well you ‘bout to learn lol. This was harder than I thought to compile...enjoy my fanboying of the boys lol.

By the by, I’ll do my best to keep spoilers to a minimum.

10) Apollo Justice (Phoenix Wright Series)

I’ve played only two games that this character was in (Apollo Justice and Dual Destinies, slowly working through Spirit of Justice) and this character particularly in Dual Destinies struck me even more than Edgeworth who is another amazing character. Apollo has an amazing spirit and it was only through playing Dual Destinies that I really got to understand Mr. ‘I’m Fine’ and his stupid ‘Here comes Justice’ puns. I feel his original game didn’t allow him to shine (still a great entry in the Ace Attorney series I don’t care what anyone says) and Dual Destinies allows him the development he deserves. He gets hurt during a trial and it allows a deep dive of his character even if his personality shifts for a while. Damn he’s savage. He’s considered the underdog in the Wright Anything Agency but he’s to me the hardest working person there who is also the most factual in court.

9) Gokudera (Katekyo Hitman Reborn)

Or as I like to call him, Scowludera since he’s scowling like 90% of the time. This Ichigo ripoff’s character development is insane. And I think that trend follows most if not all the characters in this list. His relationship with his sister is interesting and he’s pretty explosive in terms of personality and intelligence. His fights are all really interesting too, he has some of my favorite interactions in the series thus far (haven’t read the post anime manga chapters yet sadly, but he’s more than earned this spot on this list). He butts heads with people a lot and he can be ignorant but he grows from his experience and you get to see it bit by bit. This dude is loyal to the bone. RIP if you aren’t Tsuna or Reborn. Also, I’d like to shout out this anime as one of the few to do the shounen genre proper justice. Go watch it. Also his sister Bianchi is <3. Oh wait. Male list. Oops. Can we also talk about his weapon? Not gonna say spoilers but that thing is dope and probably one of the best ever designed weapons. And his kitty Uri <3

8) Joshua Bright (Trails in the Sky)

This will be short as I don’t want to spoil anything, but Joshua is a very easy character for me to connect to personally. His feelings, actions, development probably relates more to me than a lot of characters on this list. He’s got good people around him...I’m very happy for his ship and support it 120%. Also the Trails Series, both Sky and Cold Steel are probably my favorite series of anything period. Go play it. There is more to this character that meets the eye and has broken my heart more than once ;_;

7) Neku Sakuraba (The World Ends With You)

Neku Neku Neku. Another very relatable character for me (see the theme here? lol) He initially shuts out people and over time, through his experience in the Reapers Game, he starts to open up and bring people into his circle. He goes through some crap, like a lot of trauma. When you learn of him it’s no wonder he wound up disliking people and society. He’s extremely creative and that creativity manifests itself in different ways. Kinda like me. It’s worth mentioning I used to roleplay this character back in the day, the very first canon character I used to write for. 

6) Shulk (Xenoblade Chronicles)

One of the only blonde’s on this list. Shulk is a character that is driven by revenge but eventually changes. He goes through some pretty traumatic stuff that I absolutely will not spoil. His personality when he encounters a certain characters shifts big time and it’s kind of scary considering how early you see this. Also he gets points for being a notably intelligent character. I mean, the dude has his own lab...and is able to fix and adjust stuff. He’s really a great and well balanced character despite all the crap he goes through. Also I used to make fun of this character and dislike him a little bit, but then I grew up. 

         The list gets real starting...now. Not that it was fake before. :o

5) Jaden Yuki (Yu-Gi-Oh! GX)

Anyone who has actually watched the entirety of GX might know why he’s here. His character development in the latter seasons so unreal and interesting. I’m not spoiling crap but there is a lot more to the character than meets the eye. Like a lot lot. Over the course of the series he loses his innocent eyes and his personality changes a lot...His character is probably one I can relate to in terms of the reasons for his actions, the way he gets down about himself, the way he acts in the final season...it hits me hard...he’s too dang relatable...just like..

4) Rean Schwarzer (Trails of Cold Steel)

Surprise surprise. Rean is here. -hears crickets- Guess you’re not surprised. I wonder why. I think I relate to this character more than anyone else on this list. Except number one. Number one is in his own league. Rean is a character who generally carries a happy disposition...he has a unique power but you can see he is actively scared of it. It’s something I actively deal with...he’s so scared of himself that he puts distance between family and friends. He never feels he’s good enough. He’s made headway through this, but...

One thing that’s extremely interesting about this character is his selflessness. You may think this is driven to the ground in character stereotypes but for Rean it’s different...his selfless has been described as abnormal by characters in game, and it’s not for positive reasons...Rean deals with some real unhealthy stuff. This is getting long.

As of this post Cold Steel 4 comes out in one month and I’m extremely worried for his character. If you’ve played 3 then you’ll know why. Also if you haven’t played the Trails series, go play it. No buts. Heck I’ll even buy the game(s) for you if I can.

--

Oh look we’re at the top three. I want to say that while numbers two and three here are pretty interchangeable, these characters have been in my top three for over a decade and a half and I don’t see this changing anytime soon. Rean I love you but you have your work cut out if you ever want to breach the top 3. I wanna post a few honorable mentions here. They didn’t get into Smash but they do get Mii Costumes at least! -shot-

Davis Motomiya (Digimon Adventure 02) 

This character was everything I was when I was a kid. The way he tries everything to woo Kari is too cute. Also his unwavering faith in Ken. Also Davis Cries Veemon.

9S (Nier Automata)

Not mentioning any spoilers. Just watch this character and see how his vision of the world changes over time.

Okabe Rintaro (Steins; Gate) 

Okabe’s shift from his ‘persona’ as things get real and his efforts to fix everything is too relatable for me ;_;

Yosuke Hanamura (Persona 4) 

No, I do not ship him with Yu. They’re great buddies for sure, and he’s pretty cool. Really likable character for me personally save for a few moments in the game...he’s also the main in the Arena games. “Let’s do this, Jiraiya!” He’s so cool lol.

                    Top 3 time. Fiercely dedicated to these guys.

3) Robin (Teen Titans Go! 2003)

Robin is such a raw character that carries his past and tries so hard to move from it yet it embodies him to his core. He has since gained a softer side from forming a team, and has been doing normal teenager stuff...which is good for him. However at times that Batman side impacts him so hard that he can only concentrate on his mission, and starts shutting out everyone and everything to do things himself. It actively gets in the way of his interactions. He deals a lot with moving on from failure and acknowledging his friends more, which he does get better at over time. He is also represented by the color red. My favorite color. He’s badass and yet carries so much crap. I connect to this character a lot even now. Third canon character I ever wrote for.

2 Lloyd Irving (Tales of Symphonia)

I love Lloyd. I love his voice, I love his attacks, I love his stupid double sword logic. He says wielding two swords makes him twice as powerful lol. I love his development. I love his idealism and how it matures over time. I love everything about Lloyd. It was legit love at first sight. I remember being 15-16 and seeing him on that Gamecube boxart and saying “I wanna play that guy” Most people I feel (guys in particular) probably looked up to certain characters growing up as a child/teen. Lloyd was mine.

1. Zidane Tribal (Final Fantasy IX)

While it was love at first sight for Lloyd, that was not the case for number one on this list. I was 13 when I first played FFIX. Zidane upon encountering him, I always thought he was a cool character, but he was nothing special.  Even at Zidane’s lowest point I thought he was an okay character at best. I had not finished the game.

Fast forward a few years and I decide to play FFIX again, this time determined to finish it. I had went through some things, grew up a bit before turning this game on. This damn bandit...I remember writing this bit years ago: “His infamous mantra labeled above describes him well, but under his ability to console others with a smile, to cheer people up and meet them at their point of need with his abundant optimism lies a blonde who masks his pain and keeps his issues to himself. Despite his many friends and buddies he harbors a deep loneliness that, like his problems, he keeps to himself. One would have to look carefully to notice his character flaws for Zidane does an impressive job of hiding these problems. Whether it be through his energy, his theatrics, or focusing on other people, Zidane can cover things up quite well.”

Zidane has an absurd amount of depth to his character that I was never able to comprehend as a kid, beneath his flirting, his playful attitude, he hides a lot of feelings, a lot of anger, a lot of sadness. It used to boggle me how he’s able to uphold his sense of virtue despite what goes on in his life and the end of disc 3 answers this for me. It goes without mentioning that this was the second canon character I’ve ever written for, and I still love writing him. I could and write walls of text about how Zidane is so amazing, a chivalrous thief, a lover and a flirt but I think I can let you go lol. Hit me up if you really want to hear me ramble about any these characters, also play FF9.

...So I wrote all of that and forgot to write about Zidane’s ship...have to give it its own paragraph because I love these two together and she does wonders for Zidane as a whole as does he to her. She’s a princess and he’s a thief, they take their time to show them together through different things, different ordeals...particularly the ordeals. Its interesting seeing them both at their worst moments and the many funny moments..Man, that boat scene gets me every time...If I ever write a top ten couples list this couple would no doubt be in the top two if not number one. And I’d probably write way more than this about them because they’re great. Also they’re canon. A healthy canon. Also Dagger’s hot. Oh wait wrong list.

Okay finally done. Not editing this anymore :P

[alun-ura]

🌻🌻🌻

Send me a 🌻 and I’ll just tell you whatever the fuck I want

We have only one braincell and it can’t stop howling about Automata so I’ll take thREE OF YOUR THINGIes to just ramble about how the song Weight of the World destroys my soul and why I can’t stop crying about sad androids but it also heavy spoilers for Nier: Automata so idk man

First time you hear it is when you finish the first route / 2B’s route, and the song feels a lot like it’s from 2B’s perspective and gross sob as you learn more about her, that she is actually called 2E.

The official designation...is 2E. Number 2, Type E.

This is a specific model for Executioner,  it is shown in some side quest that there was another types among these and iirc the one you meet kills herself for nor being able to bear with the guilt of having to meet people / make friends and eventually having to kill them at some point. 2B's role though was to be sure that 9S wouldn’t find out about the truth behind the YoRHa, so she’d have to kill him every time he ended up finding out about it because of the natural curiosity programmed on his model/type.  

Tell me God, are you punishing me? Is this the price I'm paying for my past mistakes?

Even though she knew the truth about YoRHa simply for her model, and having to deal with 9S finding out about it - where there are times where he even learns the truth about her.

(9S speaks while struggling painfully.) 9S: Damn ...! 2B, why?! Why did you ...! Pod 153 (narration): A wide, white sword penetrates 9S's stomach. Pod 153 (narration): As delicate, red blood drips down him. (2B hides her pained feelings.) 2B: You attempted to access highly confidential information ... therefore ... 9S: B-But ... 2B ... T-Trust ... me ... Pod 153 (narration): 9S's vital signs begin to fade. Pod 153 (narration): Heart rate decreasing, body temperature declining, motor functions failing, pupils dilating. Pod 153 (narration): As every one of his parameters breaks down, he chokes out his final words. 9S: I-It hurts ... It ... h-hurt ... s ... (His heart stops, and there is the sound effect of a flatline beep.)

So 2B was bound to ALWAYS be partners with 9S, and ALWAYS have to kill him *muffled crying* thinking back that they are Androids so god knows how many times she had to do it.

2B: Kh ... ngh ... (Unable to bear it, 2B begins to cry.) Pod 153: Pod 153 to 2E. Pod 153: Proposal: Delete 9S's personal data and reinstall default personal data. 2B: This is ... too much ...

And :D

2B: No ... Enough already ... Pod 153: Proposal: Unit 2B should carry out her assignment. (The sound of a heartbeat stopping, and a flatline's beep.) 2B: I don't want to kill him anymore ...

But also :D

Pod 153: The Commander has already denied the mission cancellation request submitted 64 hours ago. (The sound of a heartbeat stopping, and a flatline's beep.) 2B: Why ... do I have to ... Pod 153: Unit 2B was chosen due to her ability to adapt to harsh environments as well as her combat capabilities. 2B: I'm not suited for this mission at all ... Pod 153: Negative. 2B: Someone ... help me ...

When the first route starts, you get to eliminate a target which ends up requiring 9S’s help, they are very formal / military-ish while talking then, but as it goes, 9S gets more :D with her as in.

9S: You know, ma’am. I’m glad you are here. 2B: Why? 9S: Scanners like me mostly work alone. Scouting enemy lines and all that? I don’t usually get a partner. It’s kind of fun! 2B: ...Emotions are prohibited.

This is something that I ended up wondering the first time I played it, because 9S at first is very friendly and excited to have a companion in a mission, and in general just very warm towards 2B while 2B is big ol’ “Emotions are prohibited” and tries to brush him off / don’t really care about his attempts on trying to be more intimate? with her.

9S: Hey, 2B? 2B: Yes? 9S: People that know me well usually call me Nines, so... 2B: ... Oh. 9S: So... What do you think? 2B: Of? 9S: I mean, if you wanna call me Nines, it’s totally okay. 2B: ... I’m good. 9S: Oh, um... Alright...

gently I’m not crying you are crying So because of the nature of their relationship, and because 2B knew the truth, and knew that she’d have to kill him again sooner or later.

9S: Watch out for hostile enemies, 2B. 2B: Roger that, Nine...ze. 9S: Huh!? Wait, what did you just say!? 2B: Roger that, 9S. 9S: Wait, no! That’s not what you said! You said “Nines”! Or at least something close to — 2B: Cut the chatter, and engage the enemy.

So her acting like this was a way to try and shield herself and not get attached once more and get hurt again when she has to kill him, but thinking through the game after you learn the truth about 2E, you look back on all the way she acts and how thorn she was through all of it and just pain.

2B: From the moment 9S gains illegal access within the Bunker, it becomes my duty to carry out his execution. 2B: It's a duty that I must repeat ... over, and over ... without end. 9S: I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel something special towards 2B. 9S: But that sort of thing isn't allowed for us YoRHa troops. (2B, with a hint of pain in her voice.) 2B: Over and over ... I continue to kill 9S with my own hands. 2B: And every time, it feels like a void within me deepens. 2B: I wonder ... if it's okay for me to hope ... 9S: For the day ... 2B: For the day ... 2B and 9S: When my sins can be forgiven.

And with things like this, how Weight of the World applies to it like,

I feel like I'm losing hope. In my body and my soul And the sky, it looks so ominous. And as time comes to a halt. Silence starts to overflow My cries are inconspicuous

2B was going through this for many, many years. iirc she, along with 9S. were the first androids to be properly made - where during her first time as 2B she already had to kill 9S for killing their creator. 2B was always at the price of either killing 9S, or letting all that she knew - all of YoRHa - fall. All the Androids, and possibly even the war against the machines before they knew that there was no proper war going on anymore.

Cause we're going to shout it loud Even if our words seem meaningless It's like I'm carrying the weight of the world

So by killing 9S, 2B was avoiding the truth and end of YoRHa every time - while fighting machines that mostly wanted to wipe Androids too. She was fighting against both sides, while often being confronted with the fact that some Machines felt things too and didn’t even want to fight or were harmful at all, but she was still a soldier.

I wish that someway, somehow That I can save every one of us But the truth is that I'm only one girl

This wasn’t just about her and 9S, cause not killing him would lowkey just be treason, but saving all the YoRHa androids of this fate and lies behind it, and all the other common androids from also YoRHa’s fall and machines, /and/ the machine lifeforms that weren’t connected to their network and had a mind of their own. Because she knew the truth behind all of it and still couldn’t do a thing to even save herself or the most important person to her.

Maybe if I keep believing my dreams will come to life

I’m not even gonna get too much into the philosofical side Automata and how we see both androids and machine question things like their existence, reason and God™️

This is my redemption song I need you more than ever right now Can you hear me now?

But overall I think every one in this game suffers a whole fucking lot but I think none of them had it as hard as 2B, and by the end of the last route, when she finally dies due to a contamination spreading through all of YoRHa units. She meets A2 by the end, and offers her own sword to A2 - so she can keep 2B’s memories, and also end her before she goes corrupt by the contamination.

2B: Guess... This is it... (2B stabs the ground with her sword, offering it to A2.) 2B: These are... my memories. 2B: Take care of everyone for me... 2B: Take care... of the future... A2...

So yeah, 2B just wanted everyone to be good and nice and safe, and she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t save them, nor herself after trying to repair herself from the virus that was destroying her mind. She puts it on A2, the renegade YoRHa android and someone who knew all the shit behind YoRHa, that wouldn’t end up falling back on the cycle that was between those two. She honors what 2B asked of her, and proceeds to end her before she gets fully corrupted - while 9S is running to try and find 2B.

(A2 takes 2B’s sword, and proceeds to stab her with it.) 9S: 2B! 2B! 9S: 2B! Are you— (A wide, white sword penetrates 2B's stomach. As delicate, red blood drips down her.) 2B: Oh... Nines... 9S: This can’t... 2B... No... 9S: —A2! I’ll kill you!

:^) I’m not crying you are crying. This proceeds to 9S getting full blinded by rage and spending the rest of this route trying to kill A2 even though A2 is just trying to keep her promise with 2B, and try to save everyone, including 9S. This got into a biG RAMBLE SO I’m stopping here but *waggles hands* this and like, when you hear the chorus version of Weight of the World as if it’s all YoRHa singing, or when I got to hear the XIV version of it in the raid?? just watch how hARD I CAN CRY. Cause if this wasn’t painful enough, I’ll just leave this final bit here, when 9S finds a recording of 2B after she died.

2B: This is YoRHa unit 2B... 2B: If anyone’s listening to this, there’s something I need you to do. 2B: If you ever meet up with YoRHa unit 9S... 2B: I want him... I mean... 2B: I’m sorry. Please, just give him the following message: 2B: 9S... the time I was able to spend with you... It was like memories of pure light... Thank you... Nine...s.

[firstpuffin]

Smitten with the concept, not with the execution.

I want to start things off with a question: have you ever been invested in something, a television show, movie, video game or other, and not known why? Something like “this is boring, why do I continue with it?” I absolutely do and want to explore this with you.

  See, I have a whole shed-load of things that I “enjoy” despite the execution not being to my taste. The horror video game series “Five Nights at Freddie’s” is not at all my normal cup of tea, the final chapters of the pseudo-horror game “Bendy and the Ink Machine” were disappointing and sci-fi game “Nier: Automata” is not what I like in my gameplay; but I bloody love them.

  Same with the “The Flash” television show, the “RWBY” web-animation and even the “Star Wars” universe as a whole. I continue to persist with The Flash despite being pretty sure that my brother dreads my running commentary of its flaws every week; I may not keep up with it but I do eventually catch up with RWBY despite its execution being…lacking, and I feel that nothing in the Star Wars franchise quite lives up to what exists in my head, although it stands head, shoulder and even waist above the others in this paragraph. So why do I keep up with these stories that I apparently can’t talk badly enough about?

  Cause I do love them.

As the title says, I love the concepts behind these stories. Five Nights at Freddie’s (frequently shortened to FNAF because, let’s face it, the title is a pain) is a game where you do the same few things again and again, all to try and prevent being scared; the gameplay is far too tedious for me to play myself and honestly, I’m too much of a coward to actually do so. But the lore woven into the games has captured my heart: murdered childrens’ souls stuck in animatronic bodies that are protective of other children and incredibly violent to adults? It’s so sad, largely because it’s so terrifying and there is more added to the story with each game, cumulating in a sad tale that actually doesn’t quite compare to that in my head (although put that down to preference). It captured my heart, and more importantly my mind.

 Bendy and the Ink Machine starts with a man returning to the animation studio where he used to work, where he helped to bring to life the game’s equivalent of Mickey Mouse (the titular Bendy) only to find that Bendy may have literally been brought to life by ink and madness (and magic). The game is beautifully unique in its design, with backgrounds and items and everything seemingly having been hand-drawn. There are tapes to be found that tell the individual stories of animators, voice actors and even caretakers who were caught up in the chaos, tapes to be collected while avoiding the demonic and malformed beast that was supposed to be Bendy.

 I’ll be brief with Nier: Automata, but this beautiful game with beautiful music explores ideas of machines and emotions and life, at least within my own mind (I never finished watching someone else play the game so I can’t say for sure). The Flash had my heart from the beginning, all through the boring soap opera drama and plot contrivances, just because I love the concept behind the world that it was set in. RWBY is much the same, although it didn’t have me from the beginning; there are little details in RWBY that could become something amazing, but that are unfortunately overshadowed by poor dialogue, trite characters and unfulfilling season-long “stories”.

 And you all at least know vaguely about Star Wars, but it’s the idea of the prequel’s Jedi Order that has me enthralled. I love the idea of an order of warriors, so feared for their combat prowess that they don’t actually need to fight; warriors who could kill you with a telekinetic thought and yet refuse to on principle, yet have enemies who share this power but without the same scruples. And Lightsabers. Lightsabers are cool.

  There is so much to love about Star Wars that unfortunately a lot of the media never seems to embrace, instead erring on the side of convenience.

 As an aspiring author I find all of this fascinating. FNAF and Nier Automata are examples of fascinating stories locked behind gameplay that I’m not interested in, although in the case of the former I do believe that the head-cannon that I developed was actually better than the real story (both of which I have forgotten by now). Nier Automata’s story may be better than my own ideas but as I said, I never finished watching the story.

  Bendy, Flash, RWBY and Star Wars are cases of poor execution though. Spread over five chapters, Bendy started strong but lost what it was that made the early chapters good, going from tense atmosphere to just hit everything with a pipe. The Flash tv show is a victim to its medium: it’s meant to be something for people to watch as they relax in the afternoon with drama, relationships and just a hint of excitement; it was never meant to be a superhero show like the early seasons of Arrow and they are so focused on what I just mentioned that they didn’t put the same effort into being consistent or even all that compelling to someone like me. Not saying that I’m a higher quality viewer, just that I want different things.

  RWBY is a real disappointment to me though, with the most important flaw being the forced climaxes without any real story. I’m not interested in the action when the season doesn’t seem to have led up to it and the best thing I can say for it is that each finale at least feels like a mid-season finale. But I will give it this: season three started (started) to change this for the better.

  Finally, Star Wars (primarily the cartoons) is a problem because it ignores its own rules. Jedi are supposed to be reverent towards the Force, not using it trivially and never to injure; watch any Star Wars cartoon that follows the Jedi and you will see them regularly and callously attacking with the Force. Another weakness would be the lack of rules regulating the Force.

  Any good magic/superpower system has rules or else there is nothing it can’t do and it would seem that there is nothing the Force can’t do. So, if the Jedi apparently don’t follow their own rules on using the Force then what’s the point of lightsabers other than as a symbol? They could crush armies with a wave of the hand; weapons can be torn out of one’s grip and enemy Jedi thrown through walls.

  Imagine a completely independent group who are such capable warriors that they never need to fight. They stroll forward and armies give up. So much can be done with a concept like this and to a writer like myself I would love to have free reign with it.

 And that’s that. So what would I do with these series if I had the power? FNAF is a hard one for me to give suggestions for because as I said, I’ve forgotten, but Bendy and the Ink Machine is easier. As I said the later parts became an action game with fetch quests that nobody asked for, so get rid of the quests, reduce the enemies and retain the disconcerting atmosphere. I’m not asking for anything the creators haven’t proven themselves capable of. Nier is another one that’s hard to give suggestions for as, as I said, I don’t yet know the whole story; what I can say is that it’s the androids and the possible exploration of their humanity (and why they are designed to be so- and I can’t believe I’m using this word- “thicc”) that has me so fascinated.

  The Flash is a victim to its audience so rather than an improvement, I’ll mention what I’d like to see instead: a superhero show. This may seem like an odd thing to say about what is ostensibly a superhero show but it’s really more of a soap opera (which, btw, got it’s name from radio operas being sponsored by soap manufacturers); a real superhero show wouldn’t defeat the best one episode villain yet off camera while instead focusing on character relationships. I mean, way to give a side-character the chance to prove themselves, but at least let us see it. RWBY needs to either give up the idea of series long storylines and slowly build a larger story up, or to better plan each series so that it naturally leads to a climax.

  And finally, Star Wars needs to set and explain the limitations of the Force; doesn’t need to tell us everything, just what it can’t do or if there are means of defending against it. If a Force user can block another Force user, then we need to know that so we don’t just complain about Jedi battles not being who can put the other through a wall first. And finally, I’d love to see people treat the Jedi appropriately, with respect and fear.

 So that’s it. I love these stories for what I think they could be, but what they are honestly puts me off. It’s a shame, but as an (aspiring) author I’m hoping that I can somehow use these as inspiration for my own (and most importantly unique) stories.

 -Note= And no, inspired by does not mean ripped off; break any story down to its bare bones and it will look identical to (and stolen from) almost every other story.

[some-creep]

Song of the Ancients SERIOUS REVIEW(s)

I was told to review every version of Song of the Ancients, so I did. I tried to stick to things that were released officially but I’m sure I’m missing some. I know there’s going to be a new version on the Orchestral Addendum that’s supposed to come out this month. Also I don’t know a fucking thing about music so this is literally 3 pages of straight rambling. Also they’re not really in any kind of order other than Nier Gestalt, Nier Automata, and Other.

Song of the Ancients: Devola - https://youtu.be/qCKEXPXtrEU

This is it, the first version of Song of the Ancient’s you’ll ever hear, and also the last. At least in Nier Gestalt. It’s a classic, and Devola has no idea what the words to it mean. And neither do we. But it perfectly sets the tone. It’s nostalgic, it’s sad, it’s mysterious, it’s sad but written a second time. I love Devola and would die for her. It isn’t my absolute favorite rendition of the song, but I can’t deny its importance. This is the one that gave us the rest. 9/10

Song of the Ancients: Popola - https://youtu.be/IZdnJLdmRlI

This song makes a showstopping appearance in Automata where it and the library meant nothing to me or anyone else because no one actually played Gestalt before Automata, let’s face it. The more subdued of the two character versions of the song, which, y’know, makes sense. Maybe a bit disorienting and trance like if you turn it up far enough and close your eyes. Sometimes I like this version a lot more than the Devola version, sometimes I don’t. It also gets a 9/10 for being a classic.

Song of the Ancients: Hollow Dreams - https://youtu.be/fxmP4eCFR4U

I fucking love this one. The Devola and Popola duet we all wanted with none of the… extreme angst. I also read a really good fan fiction once where [REDACTED] and it started with this performance so it ranks really high for me. It has a great sort of tavern energy to it (which, no shit, right?) and I don’t know. I don’t know I really love this one. The harmonization, the piano, the percussion, it all just works. 10/10

Song of the Ancients: Fate - https://youtu.be/ady--PNMsfI

My most unpopular opinion on this song is I don’t really like this version all that much. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I knew what happened already so it has no impact on me. It’s got a lot of drum. Maybe too much drum? I don’t know I’ve never totally vibed with this one. There’s an attempt but parts of it I just really don’t care for. That’s why it ranks so low.  It’s not the worst, and I recognize that it’s like. Super iconic. But eh. 5/10.

Song of the Ancients: Lost Androids - https://youtu.be/CfCEueBER5g

I just. Super. Do not fucking like this song at all. There’s so much happening in it and none of it’s very good. Devola and Popola’s sick techno dance party dot mp3. Easily the worst of the official releases of this song. It doesn’t help that the Nier Gestalt DLC just isn’t good either. Why did I beat the entire thing? The world may never know. 3/10

Song of the Ancients: Piano version from 15 Nightmares & Arrange Tracks

- https://youtu.be/orEoq7KFdrM

I’m biased and love all piano remixes and this one is good. I don’t know why there are two official piano remixes that aren’t the same, but there are. This one feels really emotional, sorta soft, and a lotta sad, but the remix-y part in the middle kinda falls off for me. Most of it is really good, but it doesn’t reach goosebump status for me which is a shame because most of the pieces are there. Overall, it’s pretty good. 7/10

Song of the Ancients: from the actual Nier Piano collection mix which is a different version than the one above - https://youtu.be/K_4HGh7Hh7w

It’s weird to think that two officially released piano versions of the same exact song could be so different but they honestly kinda are. This one feels stronger than the other, but it still isn’t quite there for me either. I think overall I might like it more, but the emotional impact of it is somehow less? Once again, it’s overall pretty good, but the vibes don’t totally match with me. 7/10

The Legend of Nier 8-bit Heroes from 15 Nightmares & Arrange Trakcs - https://youtu.be/LgvF_xRPoxs

This is kind of a bonus mention because it isn’t strictly Song of the Ancients, it’s a mix of a few songs from Nier Gestalt, but it just happens to start with Song of the Ancients. It hits pretty much all the notes from it so I’m including it here. I like it more than the hacking track from Automata, but only a little bit. It’s sad but also chiptune. However because it is quite literally only 1/8th of the entire song and for the sake of this list I refuse to acknowledge the other 7 minutes of music, I give it 1/8 / 10.

Song of the Ancients: Atonement - https://youtu.be/wNWShKuopic

You know it, you love it, and you’re crying thinking about it, it’s the Atonement version from Automata. It’s everything Fate wanted to be, but now much, much better. All of the music in this game is just, so intense and full of meaning and it just feels. Important. It’s what movie music would be if it didn’t suck. I think this one works really well in capturing the emotions around the twins trying to make up for crimes they straight up just didn’t commit. Devola and Popola make me cry. I love this song. Crying Creep emoji/10

Sonc of the Ancients: Atonement: Hacking Track remix - https://youtu.be/QD1F-staPms

So there’s like, not really a chance you’d ever hear this entire thing played out in game because of the way the hacking mechanic works. I think it’s a pretty good chiptune rendition though. I don’t care to listen to most of the hacking tracks on their own though, but there’s nothing offensive about this one. It’s Atonement, and Atonement is still a really good song on it’s own, so it just gets more points by cheating. 7/10

Song of the Ancients: from Arranged & Unreleased Tracks - https://youtu.be/lDYc9Ov4Mr8

Kinda love this one. It’s played on an accordion. Everyone I send this one to thinks it’s weird because of that, but I love it. It sounds like a romantic date in Italy. This might be one of the only versions that doesn’t make me want to start crying which is weird because it’s a remix of the Atonement version specifically again. I have really weird taste in music though. 10/10 gay dates in Italy

Song the Ancients: Atonement: from the Nier Music Concert: The Memories of Puppets - https://youtu.be/4z3wr0xATJY

Once again, Atonement fucking slaps. I’m always impressed by these things being performed live because the words aren’t real and they sound like they’d be hard to say. This is basically just a clearer version of the one from the game. I don’t like it more, though. It has a part where it slows down completely which is sexy, on it’s own. My heart tells me to give this a 9/10 though for reasons I don’t know. Perhaps because I haven’t used that ranking yet. In a hard to explain way I don’t like this version as much as the one in the game. So, 9/10.

Song of the Ancients DoD3 remix - https://youtu.be/SAJi9Q-RRmQ

This one starts out kinda slow, but when it picks up I think it sounds way more like Atonement than Fate. And when it sounds like Atonement I really like it. However I have this DLC for DoD3 and it’s the only song I ever had playing and I’m still not completely sick of it so that has to count for something. It’s not horrible but it’s not great either. It sounds like it belongs in DoD3 and none of the music in that game is great. 6/10

Song of the Ancients the… Music Video? - https://youtu.be/_iXT9eWgaMw

This one isn’t bad, but it’s really, really weird that it exists. I’ve never been able to really remember what this one sounds like so it can’t rank very high for me. It gets bonus points simply because it exists… at all. I think wikipedia told me this was like, official, or supported, I don’t know. Maybe it doesn’t count, maybe it does, but I wanted to mention it anyway even though it isn’t on one of the CDs. She does a good job at performing and it’s a unique remix that takes the aesthetic qualities of Fate and dials them back into something smooth and emotional. I definitely don’t hate it, but it’s not on my phone. 7/10

Song of the Ancients: Orchestral Arrangement - https://youtu.be/Ixk5zFXldCk

This was instantly and immediately my favorite rendition of the song and not much has changed since it first released. While it is without a doubt the most different of all the renditions, it has an almost magical quality to it. Tonally, it seems to follow the story of Devola and Popola as we know them in Nier Gestalt.  Maybe I’m just projecting random shit onto this song, who knows, I’m not a music major. People have said it has kind of a Disney movie feel at the beginning, which is true, but as it goes on it loses that sort of innocent, lofty feeling, and becomes more intense, and I don’t know. I just really fucking love the way this song goes. Compare how it starts to how it ends and it’s just. Ugh. This one is so good. What the fuck. If you listen to nothing else on this list, please listen to this one. 11/10.

[dropintomanga]

Behind the Blog - 20 Years in the Making

5 years ago, I wrote “Behind the Blog - 15 Years in the Making.” It was a post detailing how I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2000 and the experiences that led to me starting this blog. 

Now it’s 5 years later and I want to look back at that post a bit. I’m also going to discuss further insights about my past that I remembered and recent thoughts learned over time.

In my recent post about Komi Can’t Communicate, I mentioned my parents being worried about me having a possible communication disorder at the age of 2 and their decision to put me through special education classes. I joke that my life was doomed from the start even though it turned out I was alright. My father recently told me that when I was in pre-kindergaren, he was stalked by two men who wanted to rob him. After going on a school trip, I was dropped off by the special education class at a certain spot and my father went to pick me up. Once he did, he realized he was being followed while taking me home. Thankfully, he went inside a store with a security guard at the front door and nothing happened.

I’m really glad that nothing bad happened in front of my eyes. I don’t know how I would have processed it all. My parents have told me stories of how bad New York City was back in the 1970s’-1980s’. They have been robbed several times when they first moved to America. Before I was born, my mother was pregnant and was chased by three men who wanted to rape her. She got away, but fell down to the ground while escaping. My mother had a miscarriage as a result. The funny thing is that a few months later, she was pregnant with me.

It’s so freaking surreal to me whenever I think about that. I would not be here if it weren’t for that incident.

I also think back to that time in 2001 when I decided to be hospitalized. I told a college guidance counselor back in 2000 that I was hearing voices. That was a big reason why I stayed at the hospital. In hindsight, I was faking it. I think I just wanted attention and did it in a way that hurt everyone around me. I never heard voices at all. A thing that people with mental illness sometimes like to do is to dramatize things to get the attention of those around them. While it’s important to address their concerns, caregivers aren’t gods. They’re human beings with boundaries. Caregivers are placed with unfair expectations on handling mental illness in their loved ones. Now that I look back at the situation, I wished someone was there to shut me up in a compassionate way.

Speaking of college, there was one guidance counselor who I spoke with before I dropped out that said something that resonated with me. She said, “You know, I can see you being famous one day.” I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn’t pay much attention. After starting the blog, I went back to that college to attend an anime convention there and hoped to speak with that counselor again. I wanted to thank her because at the time, I felt that she was right in some way as I was going up the ranks in the manga blogging community. Unfortunately, she wasn’t working there anymore.

It’s funny because I’m not interested in chasing fame much anymore. I’m content with where I’m at.

I now want to think back to this passage I wrote in the 15-year post.

“But I’ve gone on to stay in good shape and I’m healthier than almost all of my relatives. I think it’s because deep down, I really wanted to live despite those dark desires. That or those good habits provided some physiological relief. I don’t think I’ll ever try to commit suicide. I’m too much of a coward for that. I’ve only just started to “live” a normal life honestly.

I was reading Noragami Volume 7 and it highlighted an important note about the main character, Yato. He is afraid of being forgotten. I think almost all depressed individuals have some fear of that. We want to be validated and we want people to let us know that they care. I also remember Great Teacher Onizuka Volume 17, where one of my favorite characters, Urumi Kanzaki, was going to commit suicide despite all pleas by her teacher, Onizuka, to stop doing so.

He went to great lengths to save Urumi and she realized how much he cared about her well-being. Do I want someone to sacrifice their own lives to save me? I don’t know, but I feel that I want to know that even in the darkest of moments, someone would come and physically stop me from going down a path where I never come back. In Noragami Volume 7, there was a moment where Yato saved a suicidal student and told him to never kill himself in front of him. I want to be the person to stop someone from ending their life.

It’s funny, right? I have thoughts about dying several times throughout my life, but I don’t want anyone to end their lives in front of me or other people. Maybe it’s because I don’t want them to understand how I felt. No one should. The thoughts I have can be warped and frightening to many.”

Here’s the sad thing - I considered suicide a year later after this post. I felt someone wanted me to go away for good. Someone did save me though. And then stuff happened that led me to question relationships (which thankfully got a lot better as the years went on). 

But after it was said and done, starting around 2017, I began to stop hating myself. I still have doubts from time to time and I realize that it’s okay to think about them. The world still treats people with mental illness and mental health problems like crap, so I decided to be more forward in learning how to best fight that kind of discrimination. I practiced self-compassion over self-esteem. That was the start of limiting my social media presence in an attempt to not feel pressured by external validation. This year, before the COVID-19 pandemic hit, I also stopped attending therapy with mutual agreement from my social worker and psychiatrist. I felt like I can finally start to manage things on my own. 

It took 20 years to reach that point and I have felt some shame that I’m not at the level of my peers that are the same age as me. I’m getting close to 40, but feel like a 30 year old. I try not to compare too much with other people because honestly, they probably have gone through tough times as much as I have. Maybe not to the extent of a mental illness, but certainly stuff that makes them question life.

Compared to how I was 5 years ago, I’m more reflective and compassionate. I’ve embraced all parts of my humanity. While people believe I’m a good person, I know I can be capable of hurting people in terrible ways in times of duress. I don’t have this highly inflated positive view of myself. In a way, that’s kept me grounded. I dislike it when people say that they’ll never be this way or feel that way. The blunt truth is that life will test you in so many ways and you’re going to make mistakes (sometimes horrible ones) whether you like it or not. Admitting that you’re wrong about certain things is something I wish more people were receptive to doing. Humility is truly a mind healer when cultivated properly.

I’ll end this with some lines from the video game NieR: Automata. I finally played it this year and the game left such a grand impression on me. I loved its emphasis on trying to find meaning even when everything about the world is questionable. NieR: Automata reminded me why and so many fans LOVE Japanese pop culture media. The game gets very depressing, but I found out that the game’s creator, Yoko Taro, received messages from fans who wanted to kill themselves, saying that NieR: Automata gave them hope to live. In the true ending and without giving out heavy spoilers, one character poses a question to another about the cycle of trauma happening again for a certain group of characters that went through so much due to story events, the responding character said this,

“I cannot deny the possibility. However, the possibility of a different future also exists. A future is not given to you. It is something you must take for yourself.”

I now feel that I got some strength to take a future for myself and hopefully people I care about. I finally understand what it means to take care of myself compared to 5 years ago. My “manga series” may end one day, but I’m glad to spend a good part of it writing here. I look forward to exploring myself further on this blog, thanks to you all.

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: Visual Novels Strike Back in Fall 2020

  Content Warning: While otherwise safe for work, this article discusses games made in Japan's 18+ visual novel industry. It does not talk about individual games in-depth, or detail any offensive content contained within; nevertheless, curious readers should expect those games to be suitable only for adult audiences.

  One of the more memorable first episodes of anime this fall was Talentless Nana, a thriller series starring a young student with a dark secret. Curious to see why my friends were excited about it, I did some research of my own and found something bizarre in the process. Talentless Nana was based on a manga whose story was written under a pseudonym: looseboy. "Could this be the looseboy I know?" I posted on Twitter in a daze. "looseboy, the porn game writer?"

  Like the main character of Talentless Nana, as a young student, I too had a dark secret: I played visual novels. I read all three routes of Fate/stay Night. I soldiered through Muv Luv. I sought out the anime Humanity is Declined specifically because the source text was written by visual novel luminary Romeo Tanaka. These games could be overstuffed, repetitive, and deeply sexist. But don't underestimate visual novels. YU-NO upended conventions in 1996 in such a way that modern games steal its twists and are still labeled forward-thinking. Infamous video game auteur Hideo Kojima cut his teeth working on spin-offs in the hugely influential Tokimeki Memorial series. And Hajime Isayama, the creator of Attack on Titan, admitted in this interview in Brutus Magazine that he had been inspired by the 18+ mecha epic Muv Luv Alternative.  

Image via Funimation  

During my student years, some of the most popular games in the field (at least among English speaking fans) were those with scripts by looseboy — most famously, Sharin no Kuni and The Devil on G String. Games remembered for their memorable protagonists, tear-jerking melodrama, and shocking twists and turns. They also had sex scenes in them (not very good ones) because that's what games of that type were supposed to have. It had been years since I'd thought about Sharin no Kuni — I wasn't even sure if I still liked it. But here looseboy was again, in a completely different medium, shocking a whole new audience of readers and viewers.

  For visual novel fans, this fall season of anime is a bonanza. You have a remake (or is it) of rural horror epic Higurashi: When They Cry, masterminded by creator Ryukishi07. You have a new original series, The Day I Became a God, scripted by crying game grandmaster Jun Maeda and his buddies at PA Works. Then there's Akudama Drive, an explosive SF grindhouse series based on a concept by Danganronpa scribe Kazutaka Kodaka.

  Image via Hulu

  It hasn't always been like this. In the past few years, light novels have outstripped visual novels as the source material of choice in the adaptation coal mines. Series like Higurashi or Clannad that were popular in the 2000s were gradually replaced in the popular imagination by newer works like Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World- and My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU. Kyoto Animation, a studio once known for producing lavishly animated renditions of games made by the studio Key, pivoted years ago to adapting light novels and manga (not to mention its own original works). It's not difficult to see why; light novels, manga, and even proper novels are easier to adapt to the medium than visual novels. It's already difficult to squeeze the multi-route structure of often stupendously long video games into the time limitations of anime — not to mention their sometimes deeply gross and problematic content, sudden perspective switches, and even total changes in genre. It took years for the creators of Fate/stay Night to figure out how to make its full story comprehensible to a wide audience. What hope could anybody else have?

  Meanwhile, the visual novel industry is changing. Some of the talent I followed in the 2000s are doing just fine. Fate/GO, a phone game written by Fate/stay Night creator Kinoko Nasu and his team of former industry luminaries, became popular not despite the long and convoluted visual novel bolted to its gambling simulator but because of it. STEINS;GATE and its progeny continue to thrive, and Ryukishi07 — the creator of Higurashi and the later Umineko: When They Cry — toils on his new magnum opus. Other creators in the field are struggling. The visual novel company light — producer of chuuni games like dies irae — folded last year due to poor management. OVERDRIVE — known for music-inspired visual novels like Kira Kira — labeled its newest title Muscius! as its "Final Project."In the United States, an early boom in Kickstarters and English translations — with former fan translators gladly pitching in with their expertise — gradually stalled under claims of exploitative working conditions and Steam's hot-and-cold relationship with the medium as a whole. In the face of the popularity of anime, manga, and even light novels, it's hard not to see much of the visual novel industry's old guard as a tiny, stagnant niche.

  Image via Hulu

  But the medium's heart still beats in all-ages visual novels, thanks to the sudden success of two new stars. Kotaro Ucihikoshi — co-writer on cult visual novel Ever17 — found surprising success in the United States with his twisty pseudoscientific thriller 999. Kazutaka Kodaka's hilariously crude and violent (yet deeply heartfelt!) Danganronpa series has built a hardcore fanbase willing to grapple with each entry's whiplash-inducing twists and turns. It's no surprise, then, that the two of them have found their way into the anime field. Uchikoshi contributed the script to MAPPA's underrated sex comedy PUNCH LINE, while Kazutaka Kodaka worked with hardcore games nerd Seiji Kishi to produce anime-original sequels to the Danganronpa games. Uchikoshi and Kodaka now work together at the company Too Kyo Games, one of Japan's most promising "middleware" developers. Their name is front and center on this fall's Akudama Drive.

  The anime industry itself has become steadily riddled with former visual novel writers. Gen Urobuchi, the scriptwriter of 2011 smash hit Puella Magi Madoka Magica, got his start writing shock-horror games like Saya no Uta. His work on PSYCHO-PASS (and love of martial arts) is foreshadowed by his earlier writing for cyberpunk games like Kikokugai: The Cyber Slayer. Then you have the creative lead on popular visual novel White Album 2, Fumiaki Maruto, who went on to script Classroom Crisis together with the director who went on to adapt My Hero Academia at BONES. And my favorite episode of schoolgirl horror anime SCHOOL-LIVE! — the third, from the perspective of the teacher Megane — was scripted by visual novel writer Hikaru Sakurai, now busy writing for Fate/GO.

  Image via Hulu

  If visual novels are often overlooked by the mainstream games press, their influence on pop culture is stronger than ever. The Persona games, an inspiration on everything from Fire Emblem: Three Houses to Supergiant's recent indie classic Hades, take heavy influence from dating sims. The deeply weird action-RPG Nier Automata, which made a legend of its director Yoko Taro despite being released in the shadow of The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild back in 2016, takes undeniable influence from visual novels and the denpa (a person who feels disconnected from those around them) aesthetic. Even developers outside of Japan are paying homage with vaporwave mystery drama Paradise Killer seeking to beat Danganronpa at its own maximalist game.

  Yet it's projects like Talentless Nana that stick with me — looseboy made his name working on small games highly prized by a few. But he jumped ship to the manga world and now a comic popular enough to receive an anime adaptation bears his name. How many other visual novel writers from the old 18+ market are out there working under pseudonyms on manga and in other fields? How far does the influence spread? Will we see Shumon Yuu or SCA-JI writing for anime? Only time will tell.

  What is your favorite series airing this year from former visual novel talent? What visual novel would you love to see adapted into an anime? Did you know that you can now pick up The House in Fata Morgana at the incredible price of 0 percent off? Let us know in the comments!  

    Adam W is a Features Writer at Crunchyroll. When he isn't fervently praying that Girls' Work still has a chance of being made, he sporadically contributes with a loose coalition of friends to a blog called Isn't it Electrifying? You can find him on Twitter at: @wendeego

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[conciteque]

Kiribaku Month - Day 1: Travels

Wordcount: 1045 words

It’s almost midnight and here’s my first contribution to @kiribakumonth2019! Since I love to make things more complicated than they have to be, I’ve decided to do everything on a day-to-day basis, and to set everything in a NieR Automata AU!

I’ll take time to expose everything properly on Day 2 since it’s about crossovers anyway. For now, I hope everything will be clear enough for those who aren’t familiar with the game. I’m going to avoid spoilers or I’ll make sure to tag them.

I’ve changed “YoRHa” into “YuUEi” at the last minute because it was fun but idk what to think about it. I’ve also tried to make their YuUEi unit names work with canon YoRHa denominations.

Read under the cut. I hope you’ll like it!

Day 1: Travels

Eijirou hadn’t traveled in a long time. Ever since he’d formed the Resistance with the other androids left on Earth and helped build a safe camp for them, he’d barely had a chance to leave. There was always something to do there, things to plan, spare parts to look for, soldiers and scouts to dispatch…

Eijirou didn’t resent it, of course. He loved being helpful to everyone; making sure his friends were safe and happy. He still had no idea how he’d become the leader of the group—although the fact that he’d been the one with the vision, the one who’d tried so hard to rally everyone, probably played a role—but he worked hard every day to make himself worthy of the title.

Eijirou was so busy that he rarely had time to realize that he hadn’t moved from the camp in a while. It was only during the down times that he looked back and thought “huh, I haven’t left in months…” before shrugging and finding something else to keep himself busy. It wasn’t like he had anything to do outside anyway.

Then came two new YuUEi units, and with them the itch to leave for a while and see the world again. Eijirou thought they had nothing special, at first. They were no different from the other YuUEi units that sometimes dealt with the Resistance, looking for information and resources from Earth in exchange for valuable new parts and protection. Or at least, so he thought.

The mood in the camp seemed to lighten up as two androids made their way through the main entrance, poorly hidden behind a few crumbling buildings and some drapes. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to keep the machines at bay.

“Deku, Blasty! You’re back!” Mina greeted.

Eijirou smiled as he saw the two YuUEi units. They were easy to recognize: where everyone else had tattered, dust-covered clothes with fading colors, they were the only ones with impeccable black and white battle uniforms. And it was without counting the dark blindfolds that were covering half of their faces.

‘Blasty’ merely grunted at Mina’s enthusiastic greeting, but Deku gave her a smile.

“Hello, Mina. We have the parts you’ve been asking for.”

“Awesome! Thank you guys! I don’t know what we’d do without you!” Mina said.

“Yeah, it’s a miracle this place hasn’t burned down yet…” the grumpy YuUEi unit grumbled.

“Don’t be like that, Blasty!” she laughed. “You need us too.”

“Like hell I do!”

Eijirou shook his head, smiling. Battle unit B20, also known as Blasty by most members of the Resistance, was the grumpiest, most vulgar android he’d ever met. Eijirou found it annoying, at first, but he had to admit that it was a nice change compared to the needlessly formal YuUEi androids he usually dealt with. Plus, the guy wasn’t as bad as he seemed. As for Deku, also called Defense unit D9, he was a friendly ball of sunshine, which was another interesting contrast with his peers.

Blasty walked toward Eijirou and took out a few spare parts that he almost threw at his chest.

“Here’s what you wanted. Where’s my fucking reward?”

Eijirou grabbed them with a laugh.

“Come on, man, we know you didn’t do it for the reward,” he said as he made sure that everything was there and in good condition.

“Whatever, Shitty Hair. You still promised me something good.”

“That’s everything,” Eijirou nodded once his inspection was over. “Thanks, guys! Give me a sec and I’ll grab what you want.”

It didn’t take him long to find the reward he’d promised. He knew he could count on these two, so he always kept everything ready. When he came back with the ore and battle chips, the YuUEi units hadn’t moved.

“Did everything go well, by the way?” he asked as he handed them the reward.

“Of course, dumbass. Who do you think you’re talking to?” Blasty huffed.

“I know, I know. But the forest can be dangerous.”

It was only then that Eijirou noticed something in the Battle unit’s hand that wasn’t there earlier.

“Hey, is that… a flower? Did you get one for me?”

The Battle unit looked down at the flower before answering.

“Hell no! My shitty Operator asked for one, and it was on my way anyway.”

“Oh, so it’s for Ochako? Where did you find it?” Deku asked.

Maybe it didn’t go as well as Blasty said, Eijirou thought with a wince. If some of the Defense unit’s memories were missing, it meant that the body of this Deku wasn’t the one that left the Resistance camp.

Eijirou wasn’t too surprised, to be honest. Contrary to the androids on Earth, YuUEi units had plenty of backups, and their memories were uploaded on a server. They could afford to have their bodies destroyed, and Deku’s battle strategy seemed to rely heavily on this fact. As a Defense unit, it was his role to take damages for his teammate, but from what Eijirou had heard, Deku got destroyed way more often than average, resulting in huge memory gaps.

“You need something else, Shitty Hair?” Blasty asked, bringing Eijirou back to reality.

“Not for the moment, thank you,” he smiled.

The Battle unit nodded and walked away. He immediately got a call from his operator, sending him on another mission. It seemed that he never stopped moving.

As the pair left the camp, Eijirou wondered what it would be like, to travel with B20. After all, he’d been the tank of his team back in the days, before the Resistance. How would it feel to fight alongside the Battle unit? To take damage for him, to see him in action as he took out machine after machine with brutal efficiency, and to see the world by his side, as his friend and equal?

Eijirou shook his head. He couldn’t think about this now. He would be a liability compared to the state-of-the-art YuUEi fighters, and he was needed at the camp. One day, maybe Eijirou would find someone to take his place at the Resistance and leave for a bit, but for now, he had to keep his travelling fantasies for himself.

It wasn’t like Blasty would be interested, anyway.

[kaninchenzero]

lemme preface this by saying i love love love nier: automata, the aesthetic, the gameplay, including all twenty seven fucked up endings, got the platinum trophy, am seriously considering [spoiler*], nuking all my saved games and starting over from zero

shit, i even caught all the god damn fish and i loathe fishing minigames

okay, that said?

it has no business being in final fantasy xiv

seriously, none at all

and especially not in shadowbringers as a full raid

like, isolation and despair and futility are key themes of nier: automata and that's completely the opposite of the message of shb (at least through 5.0)

shit, it doesn't even fit in with the final fantasy franchise as a whole

okay, yes, there are apocalypses involved

but final fantasy has always been about getting a scrappy group of adventurers together to avert or at least mitigate the damage inflicted

in nier: automata, you are alone -- working with others pretty much always goes horribly wrong except for the very very very end and in really abstract ways and to help anyone else you have to sacrifice, well, everything you've done

everything you know is a lie, including what you think you know about yourself, you can't do anything about the apocalypse because it ended millennia ago

it's a bleak, pessimistic game where the only in-universe scrap of hope is that the forever war finally grinds to a halt from a lack of anyone to fight in it and the machines that were supposed to destroy you choose to not erase you and give you a chance to live unburdened by anyone else's agenda... in a world that is dead, dead, dead

now, this is fine for me, philosophically i tend towards nihilism -- not in the sense that meaningfulness is impossible but that meaning is only what we make of it and there's nothing inherently valuable about my life or anyone else's and eventually my existence and any sequelae will be erased from the universe and that's fine

but i'm aware that i am very much in the minority on this and most folks dread the prospect of oblivion, so it's pretty uncomfortable

an mmo needs its players to be comfortable but not too comfortable, to feel that there are achievable goals and progress metrics, and that your existence makes a difference in-universe

(arguments can and have been made it doesn't, ever, but ffxiv does a good job of making the player feel like a protagonist in a game with literally millions of people doing the same things in a subscription-based grindfest)

nier: automata tells its player that winning is impossible and even not playing isn't a win condition, only the least shitty of the options available and you were never the protagonist, even of your own story

(and yet i will quite comfortably dive back into that, knowing that the struggle is pointless and the best i can hope for is to chart my own course into entropy and even that can only be realized in fic, not in game)

it's a bad message for any mmo, but especially ffxiv

i have no idea if they had any thought beyond, hey, sexy androids are sexy

but real talk, chrono trigger/chrono cross would be a much better crossover with a different square ip

[nascentflash]

never-ending survey: j’lihmu

RULES: Repost, do not reblog. Tag 10 blogs! 

tagged by:@violet-warder​ (thank you so much!)

tagging: honestly? anyone that wants to do it! (i don’t know who actually got tagged already) you are more than welcomed to tag me :>

BASICS.

FULL  NAME :  J’lihmu Rhatni

NICKNAME : Crimson, Li

AGE :  25

BIRTHDAY :   19th Sun of the Third Astral Moon (5/19)

ETHNIC  GROUP : Miqo’te (Seeker of the Sun)/ Elezen (Wildwood)

NATIONALITY : Ul’Dahn

LANGUAGE / S : Common, a hit of Hingan/Doman (broken)

SEXUAL  ORIENTATION : Demisexual

ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION : Panromantic

RELATIONSHIP  STATUS :  Taken (Single in some AUs)

HOME  TOWN / AREA :  Abalathia’s Spine/Sky Frost

CURRENT  HOME :  The Lavender Beds — a small home she bought herself.

PROFESSION : Hunter, mercenary, the good ol’ Warrior of Light resume being handed out.

PHYSICAL.

HAIR : Naturally red with orange highlights.

EYES : A bright green.

FACE : Resting bitch face syndrome, always /annoyed, slightly round.

LIPS :Full, tinted with the same color as her eye paint.

COMPLEXION : Slightly tanned.

BLEMISHES :None.

SCARS : Littered across her body, reminder of the victories — or losses — she always came out alive.

TATTOOS :  Tattoos litter her form, it is part of her tribe back home. Her arms are covered, legs, and back.

HEIGHT :  5′2″.

WEIGHT : 143lbs.

BUILD : Athletic.

FEATURES :  Large, somewhat almond shaped eyes, small, slightly refined nose, both ears pierced and longer than the normal miqo’te.

ALLERGIES :  None.

USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :  When long — messy, unkempt until told otherwise. A large braid would encompass a portion of her hair, and the other wild and free. Sometimes in a large, messy bun when she’s working, or doing anything out of battle. Short — has now a tendency to keep it up to date with oils and minerals, making sure her hair is looking better than before. She would not have it in a braid, with the exception of one on her side or most of her hair swept away from her face.

USUAL  FACE  LOOK :  Thick painted eye-makeup, whether blue (for her tribe) or red (for herself), lips tinted red. Besides that, she has no other make up on her whatsoever. It is rare to see her without her tribal paint unless she’s at home, relaxing.

USUAL  CLOTHING :   Leather, furs/coats, jewelry made from bones of bears long dead from her home. However, she adapts and changes depending where she is. Example; in Kugane, she is seen wearing more of their traditional outfits in some instances, but will always opt for the good ol’ tank top and shorts if she can get away with it. Yes, even under the kimono.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S : Failure (more so towards her WoL than anything else), falling to her Inner Beast, death— in a sense.

ASPIRATION / S :  To achieve greatness and be worthy of remembrance outside the confines of her tribe. To eventually help lead a line of new, young warriors from her tribe.

POSITIVE  TRAITS : Confident, resourceful, passionate, outspoken.

NEGATIVE  TRAITS : Short-tempered, impatient, competitive, ruthless.

MBTI : ESTP-A/ESTP-T

ZODIAC : Azeyma (?T-Taurus?)

TEMPERAMENT :  Choleric.

SOUL  TYPE / S :   Warrior.

ANIMALS :  Bear.

VICE HABIT / S :   Isolation, punching the wall a couple of times until her knuckles bleed in anger, running head on in battle and not tending to her wounds.

FAITH : Questionable, leaning on no beliefs.

GHOSTS ? : Yes.

AFTERLIFE ? : Believer.

REINCARNATION ? :  Believer.

ALIENS ? :  ????

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : The only time she gave a shit is when things started going down in Ishgard, just to be spiteful to Ul’Dah later honestly. Would care for her tribes political shenanigans, but thats about it.

EDUCATION  LEVEL :  Home-schooled in a sense. Her father and the elders of the village taught her all she knows to a point.

FAMILY.

FATHER : Close.

MOTHERS :  Estranged, trying her best tm.

SIBLINGS : ...Complicated (Half-siblings are a handful)

EXTENDED  FAMILY : Many, but she does not know her mother’s side, only her father’s.

NAME MEANING / S : Her name has no meaning, but, if you asked her father—J’zahlu would say it reminded him of the sun.

HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? : No..?

FAVORITES.

BOOK :  Intricate pages describing worlds she will never know.

DEITY : Azeyma.

HOLIDAY :  Starlight Celebration.

MONTH : October.

SEASON :  Autumn.

PLACE : Mountaintops with caves, deep within, a system of caves that lead you to the deepest part of home.

WEATHER : Sunny and cloudy days.

SOUND / S: The sound of metal clashing unto one another, the sound of rain hitting the earth.

SCENT / S :  Damp caverns, burnt fur, perfumes.

TASTE / S :  Sweets, orange, blood.

FEEL / S : Fur, cold floor, rough skin, broken wood.

ANIMAL / S :  Bears, hunting hawks, paissa — who is now her son, don’t @ me 

NUMBER : 18.

COLORS : Vermilion, black, gold, aquamarine, orange.

EXTRA.

TALENTS : Existing, hunting, beating people at bars, talking shit about powerful people because she knows she can’t be killed, headbutting is her specialty.

BAD  AT :  Loss, dancing, drinking — she will fall asleep or drunk fight, who knows.

TURN  ONS : Men — large hands, broad build, scars, messy hair, independent. Women — someone who can kick ass, makes her laugh, independent.

TURN  OFFS : Attention-seekers, arrogance, stupidity, carelessness — basically what she does what else is new.

HOBBIES :Hunting, people watching, trying to be a good blacksmith, mining — it’s therapeutic.

TROPES : Green-Eyed Redhead, Fiery Redhead, An Axe to Grind [idk a lot im baby]

QUOTES : “If one more noble attempts to be snotty with me, he’s about to get his ass ripped open by my axe.”

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 :  If you could write your character your way in their own movie,  what would it be called,  what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?          

—The Lost Crucible, it would be filmed like a documentary, so to speak, switching from third POV [narrator] to first POV [dumb catgirl] that would be finding out about her tribe, and the trial young warriors go through. 

Q2 :  What would their soundtrack/score sound like?          

— Songs that remind you of a time when you’re one in nature; drums that give you that itch to move and dance to the beat, to appease the old and new gods, whatever you believe in. It would be of her home — where the village barely touches the heavens itself.

Q3 :  Why did you start writing this character?          

— I did it in a way to sort of make a new oc from an old oc, so to speak. The OG version, as you could call it, is vastly different and I kept making lots of jokes with her when I name changed and eventually she just started to slowly build up.

Q4 :   What first attracted you to this character?          

— It’s a mixture of self insert, so finding a way to incorporate stuff into my own character is what sort of ... made her my lovable daughter. She’s not all self-insert, her attitude, her anger, her sorrow, her accomplishments and failures and imagines on how she would deal with X and Y is just absolutely fascinating for me and having a fierce miqo’te hailing from the snowy mountain tops of Abalathia’s Spine who’s tiny with a big axe is my aesthetic okay.

Q5 :  Describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse.

— Her desire to keep things quiet until the last second—mostly when it’s about her. Anything related to her life, her health, her problems, she’d rather deal with them alone. Even if there’s been major character improvement, there are some things she does not feel comfortable sharing, or letting people in. Her desire for more power so she can finally be at peace.

Q6 :  What do you have in common with your muse?          

— We are both stubborn bitches. However, she deals with things far better than I ever could, as I am baby. Similar in arrogance, and in anger — to a point.

Q7 :   How does  your muse feel about  you?          

— She’d fucking kick my ass. I think she would appreciate me, and not be as bully as with others — not because I am her mun, but more so as I think we’d clash a lot but get along quite well, too.

Q8 :  What characters does your muse have interesting interactions with ?        

— I, unfortunately haven’t had a lot of interactions with Li trying to be nice, or fight somebody but— people like her, who are broken yet continue on. Who carry a mantle too big to carry and they do it anyways. Fighters that only know how to fight, when she eventually wants peace, but that will never leave her soul. People so nice that it makes her want to protect them; to view the world the way they see it. Warriors, even if they are not from the same village, are all brethren to one another and the desire to meet and see how they live out their lives — just a handful of stuff in my head I’d like to see.

That and a bar fight, she really is the one who would start a bar fight drunk or angry okay. Also nobles. She sort of hates them cause of her mom but then eventually doesn’t and it’s awkward asf.

Q9 :  What gives  you inspiration  to write  your muse ?        

—Vikings, Game of Thrones aesthetics of the Dothraki tribe, anything tribal honestly. The existential dread that is Nier: Automata, some Fire Emblem aesthetics, a lot of stuff honestly.

Q10 : How long did this take you to complete ?          

— I STARTED YESTERDAY. I finished late today cause my last two braincells hate everything