#and I realized I still had my night light settings on after I streamed... so the stream has a yellow tint to it XD

[7goodangel]

VII Reference Sheet

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Now that I have done the debut - I can finally show this fully!

This is a full reference for my VTuber Sona - VII. A 'fallen angel' inspired VTuber that I designed way back in 2021! XD

I did briefly show this reference in the debut - but wanted to post it here fully as well!

[evieelyzabethh]

Warmer than a Comforter

pairing(s): Spike x fem!reader

summary: it wasn't unusual for Spike to 'break' into your apartment, but it was unusual for him to want to spend the night.

warnings: very long (4.4k words), spike being a simp, one bed trope, dry humping, thigh fucking, masturbation, some fingering, slight praise, Spike being Spike, a smidge of possessiveness, and thats about it

It was no secret to anyone your favorite time of day was long after the sun went down. A full-time college student who worked a part time job on top of that was no easy feat. Your time during the day was never your time, it was your shitty professors time who assigned reading after reading that needed to be read for the never-ending stream of papers and theses, it belonged to your shitty boss who piled on tons of paperwork and demanded you be at his beck and call even after you clocked out. As much as you loved them, your time off belonged to your friends; patrolling, looking through dusty-old books, trying not to die every time you stepped out of your apartment.

When you got home (if there was no patrolling to be done), it was your time and while you were tired, you made time for your nightly routine. You'd slip off your shoes and walk in the dark to make it to your room to turn on your lamp, because you'd be damned if you were turning on one of the big lights this late.

You would usually strip down and dig a pair of pajamas out of your drawers before taking a scalding shower. You'd brush your teeth and wash your face, maybe if you had the energy, you'd do a face mask and paint your nails. You'd turn on your stereo or switch on your TV to fall asleep to the fuzzy sound and soft light. This, of course, is what you'd be doing right now had you not walked into your house with company.

You could see him lounging on your bed, the darkness of his attire somehow darker than your unlit room. His duster slung on the back of your desk chair, only clothed in some tight navy shirt and jeans.

"What are you doing here, Spike?" You crossed your arms over your chest, annoyed when you realized he had his dirty ass boots on your bed.

"M' paying my favorite Scooby a visit." You walked over to turn on your lamp, giving you enough light to see how smug he was. His arms sat behind his head, his eyes glittering with amusement. He was doing this to annoy you. He did most things just to annoy you.

"Pay another Scooby a visit." You were dead tired, practically forcing your eyes open. You had just gotten back from work, your bag still in your hand which you used to knock his legs off your bed. He could've been stubborn, but he let you.

You stripped off your hoodie, flashing him your stomach as your undershirt rose with the movement. He whistled, "Scandalous."

"Get out of my apartment." You tossed your hoodie at him while rolling your eyes. He caught it midair, bringing it to his nose to sniff it.

"Smells different. You using a different bodywash?" You hummed as you walked around your room to find something suitable to wear to bed. It was dreadfully hot out, even worse than what you'd expect from a California summer. You had at least 3 fans going anytime you were here, especially since your landlord could never seem to find a permanent solution to the junky A.C unit.

"Midnight Rose. Real fancy stuff." You hadn't even noticed a difference, but of course Spike would. Vampire senses had a way of being intrusive in a way that was only helpful when it came to your cycle and saving you bed sheets.

"I like the other one better: the cocoa butter one. It was fainter. You smelt more like you." You scoffed.

"Duly noted." Your hands roamed over the old t-shirts from high school and camisole tops so old the straps had snapped on a couple of them.

Spike sat up on your bed, untying the laces on his shoes haphazardly before setting them by your bedroom door. He roamed around like you had been, picking up bottles of nail polish and flipping through one of the books on your shelf.

"You could spare me a bit of your attention, love. I mean I did go through the trouble of-"

"Breaking into my apartment?" You interrupted.

"On second thought, it was a bit easy. I pushed it a bit and the window came right out. Are you leaving it open for somebody?" His tone was supposed to sound much more teasing than it did. There was a pang in his chest, probably of jealousy. Much to his chagrin, he was jealous a lot these days and he couldn't quite tell if his frequent visits were enabling that or the very cause of it. Either way, it was hard not to just crawl through your window anytime he pleased.

You acted like you were annoyed and if he had a dollar for every time you threatened to call Buffy on him, he wouldn't need to dumpster dive for furniture. If he had another dollar for every time, you never followed through, he'd be even richer. You said it's because you could handle yourself without her help, but, admittedly, you didn't hate his company that much.

As far as house guests go, it could be worse. It's not like he eats all your food, talks your ears off, or is unfunny. He was just there. A pain in your ass sometimes, like when he insists on being half a step behind you during patrols and never fails to tell you how great your ass looks from behind. Never a malevolent presence, just annoyingly noticeable.

His boots were clunky, and he smelled of faint cigarettes and alcohol. He also hated silence. He was fidgety and anxious, even if his intentions were stealth, he couldn't help but break the tension and open his mouth. At times against his will, he just wanted to be noticed that bad. He just needed to be around you that bad.

"I keep telling the landlord to fix it, but he insists it's just fine. 'Nothin' some glue won't fix'." But you had tried gluing it. Had it not been for the clear shit jammed in the lock, the window would've just come right open with the flick of a finger.

"I could fix it for you." He went ignored while you had made your way to your bathroom, taking your hair down from the claw clip it had been stuck in for the past few hours. A slight moan of relief slipped through your lips as your fingers carded through it to massage your scalp.

"You know how to fix windows?"

"Well...no. But it can't be that hard. I've been around a few hundred years, surely I can figure out how to fix a bloody window." What he meant to say (if he had the balls) was that he would be more than happy to learn how to fix a window for you. It would give him an excuse to hang around, it would keep him in your good graces for a solid month, and he wouldn't have to break an entering anymore. Granted, his preferred place of entry had long been broken and he could always come through the front door, but it was a matter of principle.

You looked him up and down, trying to decipher if this was a set up for a joke or if he was actually serious, but he kept his head down. He hadn't been able to blush since he was a human, but the habit had a way of rearing its head for you.

He was so pretty too. With his high cheekbones and the way the warm light made his complexion look less ghastly. As ironic and cliche as it would be to say, he looked slightly angelic. Like one who fell from Heaven and donned the dark and mysterious charade to make it hurt less. He would burn away under a cross just to make it back to Heaven. Nearly break his spine falling out of windows and bleed out taking stabs if it meant he was closer to your doors. If there was one thing Spike did well, it was devotion.

"You wouldn't even know where to start. I'll just call Xander or something."

"What're you gonna do that for!"

"Because, Spike," you laughed incredulously, confused as to if this was going to become an argument or form a chip on his shoulder. "If I want something fixed, I'm going to call someone who does it for a living."

"But would Xander do it for free?"

"Would you?"

"I wouldn't charge anything of monetary value." You snorted, not surprised at all with his answer.

"You are such a whore, you know that?"

"What can I say, baby?" He leaned against the door frame of your bathroom, where you stood staring at your reflection in the mirror. He was happy that his nonexistent reflection could betray him. He was grateful to be a part of this routine - your routine- in a way that didn't disrupt your peace. It was soft. Almost domestic.

You were so meticulous about the way you scrubbed your face and brushed your teeth. He liked how when you took off your makeup the glitter remained. You sparkled at the right angles, really fucking sparkled. Of course, he was going to sit and stare at you; mascara still not completely wiped away, hair tied back with a fuzzy headband, lips agitated from being bit throughout the day. It was poetic. Second nature to him. He didn't need to breath, but it came to him then, overwhelming and filling his lungs like water until he was full as he stared at you in the mirror with not even his own reflection to judge him.

"I'm gonna hop in the shower."

"How rude, without me?" Damn, he sounded like a bloody idiot. You only looked him up and down, trying to appear deeply disgusted but stopped just shy of mildly annoyed.

"Get out of my apartment before I stake you." You slammed the bathroom door in his face, hiding your blush behind the wood.

"That's not a no." His voice is muffled behind the door, and as much as you'd like to believe he didn't hear it, you did laugh.

***********************************************************

Spike had to have been a cat in a previous life, is what you decided when you found him still on your bed, nose in some magazine he found pretending to care about the newest Natasha Denona palette.

"That crypt must be uncomfortable as hell for you to still be here." You skated around your room to sink beside him. He reaches across his side to pull out a bottle of water and hands it to you.

"Your showers are hot as hell; I'm surprised you didn't pass out in there." He flips through the pages nonchalantly, pretending not to be incredibly fixated at the water dripping from the nape of your neck and disappearing into your shirt.

"You would've loved that, wouldn't you? Getting to play 'knight and shining armor' while I'm conveniently naked." The sound waxy pages being torn was a surprise. So much of you and his banter was contingent on the assumption that neither of you meant anything serious so nothing would become anything.

Spike, who spent most of his mortal adult life swallowing his feelings until his stomach became an endless chasm where his feelings went to fester rather than die, was more than okay with this unspoken arrangement. Sarcasm was a second language to you. You were used to your words not mattering, especially since in your group of friends, your existence seemed to matter far less than everyone else's. You wondered if that was why you and Spike got along so well.

He just got you. Maybe a side effect of him being around you whenever he could. He just got you. In a stupid way. In an annoying way. The kind of way that made you worried that reading minds was also one of his vampiric powers. He wormed his stupid way into your brain, slithering around in his own sort of Spike way til you didn't know where his influence began.

He did sort of have this hypnotic way of speech. Maybe because he was a poet. Poets have to have some sort of hypnotic power, right? Surely, there was some connection between rhythms and brain waves that made the effect of Spike's voice so persuasive. Maybe it's not the rhythm and it's just the honesty. Ironic, since the basis of your "relationship" was built on never assuming that the other meant what they said, but who cares. It gave you guys flavor. Something to keep things interesting.

"I'll have you know; I am a very old-fashioned guy with manners." You snorted as his response. He talked about his "old-fashioned" ways a lot. Maybe to convince you that he was a gentleman. Gentleman your ass, you'd seen what he kept in his crypt.

"My deepest apologies for assuming that a guy that used railroad spikes as a murder weapon of choice wouldn't be above jumping at the opportunity to see me naked."

"Am I that transparent?"

"When it comes to mirrors, yeah." His scoff was lost in the sound of a car horn going off across the street. Damn, you needed a new place. He had complained to you about the noise before. If you didn't leave near a busy street, he would try his luck spending the night far more than he already did. Each blare deepened the scowl on his face as he flinched at the sound, even louder from where he sat in front of it.

"Those death buggies have to be the worst thing to come out of the 20th century. So obnoxious, and for what?"

"I imagine they are more convenient than horse drawn carriages."

"Yeah, more convenient and not even half the charm." He turned his head to gaze out the window. "It's not even a nice car! I'd rather ride around in the fucking Angel Mobile than drive around in that thing."

"You are so dramatic. Usually I just," you swing your leg over his waist, straddling and reaching over to close the window. He swallowed hard at the feeling of your chest pressing against the magazine, the only boundary between him and you, and the nonchalance of the action. "Shut the window." You felt him tense beneath you, his right hand awkwardly meeting your hip, blue eyes staring up at you through dark eyelashes. "Then again, I'm not a pansy who needs complete silence to sleep."

He cleared his throat before he spoke. "I sleep in a cemetery, love, ain't much noise around those parts." His eyes wandered everywhere they could but the worst part about beautiful people is that there is no unsightly place to avert your gaze. He couldn't stare at your gorgeous eyes, or your stunning nose, or your lips to distract himself from the steadily growing boner that you were sitting right on top of. You were no better than he was.

Within the context of the unspoken agreement, this meant absolutely nothing. The boner was just a normal reaction, that didn't have to mean anything. The way he was looking at you was a bit hard to ignore, but that was the way he always looked at you. He was a lot closer right now, sure, but that stupid lovesick look that you have spent years trying to ignore, totally just a joke. Not real at all. A trick of the light, in fact. The hard-on was very real though.

After sitting there for a few seconds too long, you shift your weight to move back to your side of the bed, but his hands keep you in your place. " 'm cold", he mutters, his thumb rubbing circles between where your shorts meet your bare skin.

"Yeah?" You feel him pressing up against your core. "I didn't think you could get cold."

" Me either but-", you lowered yourself completely on his clothed dick and the groan he let out was salacious. "Here we are." The frigid way he moved made his lie believable. Incredibly cautious, hesitant. No idea what to do with himself. He ran his hands along your thighs, up and down your side, one cold hand sliding underneath your shirt, rubbing the hem of it between his pointer finger and his thumb.

You leaned forward, warm breath fanning against his nose. It smelled like mint. You smelled like some sort of cocoa butter. Smooth and soft on top of him and he didn't know if you were going to roll right off or melt into his skin. Your hands come to the sides of his face, and you stare intently at him. He felt like he was under a microscope with the way you looked at him like you were committing each detail of him to memory so that even when you closed his eyes, it was still him burning in the forefront of your mind.

"You gonna kiss me?" You whispered, pressing yourself further into him. He let out a breathy laugh.

"What, a guy's always gotta make the first move?" With that, you leaned down to give him what was meant to be a quick peck. A tester. A tease. But when you give Spike an inch, he takes a mile, and he took the opportunity to devour you. Mouth open, sloppy, wet kisses while his hands worked as eagerly as his tongue did. You were a calming presence, slow and sane as you grabbed fistfuls of his shirt to try and ground the both of you.

Breathing through your nose, you inhaled him. The faint smell of smoke, the fresh smell of whatever he washed the gel from his hair with, the distinctly Spike musk. Your thighs wrapped him more closely, subtly grinding into his lap, ignoring the slight burn on your knees from the friction between them and your sheets. His large hands covered swathes of skin, cooling you where you grew too hot from his touch. When he had his fill, he broke away from you, still nose to nose, a string of saliva still between the two of you.

"Do you wanna spend the night?" Your voice was somehow meek as if there was any way in hell he would say no to you. He breathed out, turning his head into the crook of your neck, leaving searing kisses on your silky skin, worshipping at his altar, and thanking who or whatever got him here tonight. He kisses you from your neck, along your jawline, to the corner of your lips.

"Yes", he whispers against your skin. He bucks his hips into you, the imprint of his cock and the rough material of his jeans kissing your pussy through the thin layers of material. You nearly choke on his tongue at the feeling. Fuck.

Your eyes are closed, hips moving furiously against his, too blissed out to even care about the steadily growing wet patch in your underwear. You're lost in kisses, kisses that overwhelm and confuse and steal your breath until you wonder how much you need to breathe anyway. Along with not needing to breathe, you learned they must have incredible resolve. He chases you. Not like how a wolf chases a lamb but how the sun chases the moon.

He pulls and you push for breath, some sort of reprieve, some time for your mind to catch up with your body because right now everything but the way the seams of his jeans catch your clit is one of the only things on your mind. He pulls you, still, his hands squeezing at your waist, moving up to cup your breasts, thumbing at your nipples, and flicking the already hard peaks. And you push, still, not in protest but in harmony. Your hips pressing down, his jerking up. Your hands tugging his hair, his squeezing your waist. It was good. It was so good.

"What is the point", he starts breathlessly, "of these damn shorts if they're so thin. You're leaking right through, love." He smiles against you, sharp teeth grazing against your cheek as he smirks.

"Take 'em off me then." For once in his life, he takes his time. The desperation of his prior movements forgotten as he looks at you as he trails a finger from your chest down between the valley of your breasts, to your navel. He draws invisible shapes along your stomach, diamonds, hearts, and letters spelling m-i-n-e. And he stalls there. Looking from beneath you, smug as you ground yourself onto his dick in an attempt to move him along.

He was amused. Fascinated. You in your own world, mewling, moaning, putting on a show just for him. Choosing to ignore how sticky your panties had gotten, how much they stuck to your cunt as you wiggled your hips as if you could get any closer. Your tits moving with you, the way your mouth was slightly agape, the way you keened when you rubbed against him just right. It was no motivation for him to move his hands at all, not when it was much more rewarding to angle his hips up and make you see stars. "You gonna cum like this?" He crooned, full of fake sympathy.

"You're really gonna make me get myself off." You rolled your eyes, maybe out of pleasure, maybe out of faux annoyance. Either way, his hand slithered to the waistband of your shorts and dipped even deeper. He left feather-light touches on your clit which sent jolts of electricity up your spine. Overcome with the tightening feeling in your belly, your hands grabbed at his shoulders as your hips worked and worked you snapped. Impossibly wet and dazed, you rocked into him until the high had passed and the stars had left from behind your eyelids leaving only Spike.

His fingers still, in your panties, he moves to slide them and your shorts off your body. You hover slightly, still too sensitive to rub your bare pussy against him. You fidget with the button of his jeans and zipper, Spike's hands coming to cover yours to ease the shakiness. Maybe to give the appearance that he was much calmer than he was. He was painfully hard, and you felt it when you palmed him through his boxers after getting his pants down enough. Where his tip sat was a wet spot. You smirked.

"Did I get your dick that wet?" A shiver went down his spine. The heat from your palm was felt through his boxers. Your hand was barely big enough to cover it. Before either of you was prepared for it, he flipped you on your back. His hands sat on either side of your head while yours removed him from his boxers. He was so big.

You tore your gaze away from his cock to meet his gaze. He still looked at you the same. Pupils widened from lust, cheeks with a slightly pink tinge, lips puffy, eyes looking down at you with the same look they always had. It's then he leans down to kiss you for the millionth time. No urgency, less messy, a kiss like he was trying to wake you from a thousand-year slumber.

Your hand still on his cock, you pumped it a few times, swiping your thumb against his tip to lubricate his dick. He groaned into your mouth, humming in pleasure. You try to line him up to sink in your hole, but he slaps you on the wrist. "Don't want your cunt tonight," he mumbled in between kisses, "Jus' let me feel you."

He pumped his cock a few times before slotting it in between the meat of your thighs. The veins and ridges of his dick would occasionally slide between your folds, but that wasn't the focus. No matter how much you wiggled for him to plant his cock so far deep it kissed your cervix, you were ignored as he squeezed your thighs together, panting as he fucked them.

The juxtaposition made your head dizzy. The softness with which he kissed you and the fervor of his dick between your thighs, them getting wetter with the accumulation of precum leaking from his dick. It only forced him to press harder, leaving handprints from how hard he gripped. "Such a pretty thing, aren't you." He sighed out, his pace still even but his breaths far from it. "Go ahead and touch that pretty cunt f' me."

As much as your brain wasn't working, it wasn't needed to do what you were told. Bleary-headed, your hand traveled from the outside of your leg to between your folds. Still wet from your previous orgasm, it didn't take much to just slip a couple fingers in, moaning as you did. One hand toyed with your tit as the other toyed with your clit, your hips wanting to buck into your hand had it not been for Spike's palm on your stomach.

Had he had the composure, he would have made some sarcastic comment. Slow down, love, what's the rush, is what he would've said had his thrusts not been as sloppy as they were. He pulled away from your lips to see the mess he was making. White beads pooled on the skin of your stomach, dripping down your thighs like liquid pearls. And you. Low warm light bouncing off your skin, lip tucked in your teeth, staring right up at him. It took all of him not to cum at the sight.

Not before you did, he decided, which by the way your moans pitched up wasn't that far away. Each "accidental" slide into you was met with a jerk of your hips. "Stop it", you squealed, the bucking of your hips screaming otherwise.

"Feels too good, doesn't it." Then he did it again. His large hand drifts around before grabbing your abandoned tit, groping it until you hit your limit again. Your chest heaved unevenly as you tried to catch your breath as Spike's hips sped up, stuttered, then stopped as his cum splashed on your stomach and breasts.

Spent and not knowing what to do, he kisses you again. He smiles into it, and to his surprise, you do too. Like it was the only thing that made sense to do. The fuzz gradually fades from your mind, the noise from the multiple fans running and the faint humming of electricity apparent again. There's a breeze coming in from your window and you giggle.

"Are you still cold?"

[thaliagracesgf]

i get a boyfriend

part two of the casual series! (requests are in progress, i just churned this out because it is my baby)

warnings: making out and luke being cocky asf

wc: 1.2k

the sun streamed through your eyelids in the morning. you shifted in bed, cozying up in rebellion. you really did not want to get up. you felt luke behind you, starting to move, and you closed your eyes. you knew he wouldn’t be able to wake you up just yet. 

his head finds the crook of your neck, and his curls brush against your face. you’ve never felt so safe. 

“jesus christ,” you’re rudely disturbed. you keep your eyes shut. maybe beckendorf will leave. 

a knot grows in your stomach as luke grumbles from behind you. “fuck off, man. i was sleeping.”

“yeah. i noticed.” 

“what are you doing here? this isn’t your cabin,” he said, sleep evident in his low voice. 

“yeah, isn’t hers either. so are you two a thing now? you finally hook up last night? what’s the sitch here, because silena needs her update.”

with that, luke pulls himself up. “shut up, man.” he looks down at your ‘sleeping’ face, hoping you didn’t hear. “have some respect.”

you did hear, of course, and at first it did make you feel gross, but the ‘finally’ catches you, and you remember that luke wants you. he isn’t jack, who just wanted to fuck somebody, he’s been waiting, and yeah, the older kids at camp sometimes fuck. it’s relieving to realize that beckendorf doesn’t know about last night— he would never had said that if he did. besides, luke’s attempt at a defense, though hampered by his sleep-addled brain, is adorable. 

“i’m just saying! don’t act like you haven’t thought about it. every person in this godforsaken camp can see it, ’cept maybe her.” 

“can you seriously fuck off? i’ve got my girl, don’t make it my problem that you’re scared of yours.” 

you laugh softly at that one. you don’t open your eyes, but you can feel luke freeze behind you. beckendorf doesn’t notice, but your gig is up anyway. 

“your girl?” you mumble, a smile crossing your lips. beckendorf stifles a laugh. 

“alright, i’m heading out! good luck with this one, man.” you open your eyes, and even as they’re adjusting to the light in the cabin, you swear you can see him wink. you’re not sure which one of you it’s to. 

“die,” luke calls after him, throwing his head back on the pillow, but pulling you into his chest. 

“hi.” you say, still facing away from him, and he tucks his head into your neck again. 

“hi.” luke says. 

you turn yourself over to look at his eyes. they’re such a deep brown. he tilts his head forward. you smile. you let his lips graze yours. 

it’s exactly like it was when you were fourteen, and a million times more. he’s soft and gentle, pulling back between each kiss. your arms move around his neck, his wrap around your waist. you’ve never felt so secure in your life. 

but you have to pull away. “i— i…” you start. 

luke sits up. “i’m sorry,” he says. “i’m so sorry. fuck, that was so stupid of me. i’m so sorry, gods, what was i thinking?” he ran his hand through his hair. it was adorable. you reach out to his arm. (gods, he’s jacked). you wish you had allowed yourself to stare sooner. you’d been depriving yourself. 

“it’s okay, luke. it was…it was really nice.” it seems like such a cheap thing to say, and by the look on his face, it wasn’t all that convincing. “i’m not… this is just a lot to process.” 

“in what way?” he probes. you aren’t used to people asking questions. usually hannah just stares you down until the words come out of your mouth.

“i mean,” you try to word it in a way that won’t set him off. “it would be kind of shitty to jump into anything, right? after what happened with jack?”

luke gives a contemptuous look at the mention of his name. “no,” he scoffs. he’s still sitting up, looking down at you lying in his bed. you figure it might be a bad time to tell him how badly you want him to kiss you again. 

“well, i don’t know. doesn’t it look like i’m just hopping around from guy to guy?” 

“ok. first of all, i’m pretty sure there are only, like, four people who know about you and jack. second of all, at the risk of sounding like an absolute dick, aren’t you supposed to be in love with me or something?”

you gasp. “what the hell?”

he grins. “it’s just what i’ve heard. you know what the camp gossip mill is like.” 

you groan, hiding your face in your hands. “this is so not fair.”

and he laughs, he really laughs. “how is it not fair?” 

“you are such a dick. this is so embarrassing. i’m going to kill you.”

“you seem pretty content under those blankets for someone plotting a murder.” you look through your fingers. his smile is so, so, unbelievably cute. “how is this not fair?”

“because you totally know everything and i don’t know anything.” 

“okay. what to you want to know?”

“shut up. die. i hope you drown today.”

“are you really going to make me say it, jack-jack?”

“i hate you.”

“i like you.” you go quiet. “i really, really like you. i think i’ve had a crush on you since we were fourteen. and i fucking love you. not like we already say everyday. like i think i’m actually fucking in love with you.”

he lays down beside you. you’re facing away from him, so he traces swirls on your shoulder.

you turn to face him, and for a second he has the decency to look nervous. 

you narrow your eyes at him. “so how do you really know i’m not just in this for the sex?” and he bursts out laughing. and before you know it, you’re laughing with him. and he loves the way your eyelids almost close when you do. 

“i wouldn’t blame you if you were,” he grins.

“well, who are you hooking up with these days? i’ll have to see if you have good reviews.”

“good luck with that, it might be difficult.”

“what, like you’ve never hooked up with an aphrodite girl after a bonfire.”

he shakes his head, and you’re honestly stunned. luke castellan, the most gorgeous boy on long island, is a virgin? 

“i mean,” he starts. “it’s not like i haven’t had offers.” 

“oh, shut up, you asshole,” you try to turn away from him, but he wraps his arms around you, and at his next words you freeze. 

“but i was holding out hope that it would be with you.” 

fuck. that was really hot. 

you look up, into his eyes. “i hate you,” you roll your eyes.

“i love you,” he murmurs, his eyes on your lips.

this time when he kisses you, you’re never letting him go. you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him atop you. it takes everything in you not to roll your hips into his, but you don’t stop yourself from reaching down his torso to find the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head, and running your hands along his stomach. fuck, you think for the second time that morning. he’s jacked. he smiles into the kiss, and you know you’re stroking his ego right alongside his abs. 

“so,” you say, biting your lip as his trace your jaw and neck. “what was that about ‘your girl’ earlier?”

you’re expecting a sly remark, a grin, or something. instead, he doesn’t hesitate—“be my girlfriend,” he almost moans. “please.” 

and you don’t have it in you to leave him waiting. 

“okay,” you whisper.

[hannyoontify]

little stars - kwon soonyoung

member | non-idol!hoshi x illustrator!reader

genre | fluff, newly est. relationship

word count | 2k with some change

synopsis | soonyoung sees you without makeup for the first time, and he notices something he’s never seen before

warnings | reader wears makeup, reader has freckles on their face, reader is implied to have insomnia but it’s not prevalent to the plot, reader is ticklish, soonyoung has an extensive vocabulary of terms of endearment that borderline make me wanna hurl if they were used unironically, soonyoung makes a shrek reference

notes | i have freckles on the back of my hands and have always been insecure of them but i remembered how my ex used to kiss them and say they were beautiful

Soonyoung’s not a criminal. He knows that. The last time he committed a serious crime was back when he was seven years old when he stole a new pack of crayons from his sister’s friends’ house after a play date.

(Two seconds after leaving said friend's house and he could no longer handle the overwhelming and crushing guilt and ended up running to his mom and crying, calling himself a “tiger thief.”)

So when Soonyoung urgently texts your best friend to ask for the password to your apartment, he can’t help but feel a dull pang of guilt in his chest as he inputs the numbers he sees into the digital keypad. His hands are shaking as the door unlocks and he fumbles through the doorway and upon your quiet and dark apartment.

It’s well past noon now and yet, there wasn’t a single hint of you in the living room and kitchen. The sink was still empty, the drying rack was full, the throw pillows on the couch looked too pristine, and the curtains were still closed. Fearing the worst, Soonyoung quietly made his way to your closed bedroom door, his sock-covered feet padding along the floor. 

He softly knocks once. Then twice. “[Name]?” No response. 

“[Name]? Baby? Are you awake?” When he doesn’t get a response, Soonyoung pushes the door slightly open. “I’m coming in…” 

In the dark room, all Soonyoung could perceive was a lump amidst the lush pile of stuffed animals and blankets, your sleeping form slowly rising and falling. “Baby…” He pushed the door wider, letting the minimal light from the living room stream past your doorway, shedding light into your dark room.

The lump under the big fluffy duvet stirred, squirming around as Soonyoung approached the side of your bed. He turned on the mushroom lamp you had on your bedside table and you let out a loud groan. 

While you stirred in your sheets, Soonyoung glanced around your room. He’d only been to your apartment a couple times in the past few months but he was already familiar to the layout of your bedroom. In the corner, next to the window was your desk with your extensive, impressive PC set-up. Sheets of half-drawn and unfinished pencil drawings were strewn across your drawing board and your desk was a flurry of paper, reference photos, and pencils.

Soonyoung felt a pang in his chest at the realization that you had probably stayed up until ungodly hours trying to finish your illustrations. You were an artiste and you had a bad habit of working until you practically dropped dead when you were struck by a lightning of inspiration.

“[Name], love, it’s time to wake up. It’s already past 3 in the afternoon. Sleeping is for the nighttime.” You poked your head out of the blanket, the edge of the fluffy duvet resting right below your eyes and covering the rest of your face. 

You stared at him blankly with bloodshot eyes and Soonyoung swore he saw—and heard—the gears turning in your head. It took you a couple seconds to recognize your boyfriend. “Soonie?” You croaked out, your voice still hoarse having woken up just seconds before.

Soonyoung smiled at the nickname and affectionately patted your head. “Time to wake up, sleepy head. Don’t wanna ruin your sleep schedule. Late night, huh?”

You nodded and rubbed an eye. “Deadline was…” You yawned. “Last night. Couldn’t sleep either.”

Soonyoung nodded sympathetically. 

“What- what time is it?” You blinked at him with the blanket still covering the rest of your face. Your hair was a tussled mess that was fanned out on the pillow behind you.

“3 pm, baby. C’mon. Let’s get you out of bed.” Soonyoung gently pulled the blanket away, revealing the rest of your face and your matching tiger pajamas. Your boyfriend stared at your clothes, an ambiguous look in his eyes that made you unsure of whether he found your pajamas adorable, or if he simply coveted your clothes and hence boosting you up to top 3 on his rob list, next to his model friend, Joshua and his tiger striped patterned button-up.

(That button-up wasn’t even his, it was something his stylist had just put on him for one of his magazine photo shoots.)

Meanwhile, reality had finally begun to settle in for you as you just realized that your new, hot boyfriend was standing in your bedroom, fluffy hair galore. He was standing over you with a twinkling look in his eyes, clad in a pair of black sweatpants and a white tank top, his muscles flexing and rolling as he tugged the blanket off of you.

You then suddenly became painfully aware of your appearance. You were in your embarrassing tiger character pajamas and your face was painstakingly bare. Your hands flew up to your hands and you flipped over, burying your face into your pillow with a loud groan. 

“Soonie, can you wait outside for me?” Your voice was muffled by the fabric of your pillow. 

Soonyoung reached out for your shoulder and his eyebrows scrunched up with worry. “Why? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

With your hands still covering your face, you rolled back and peeked at your boyfriend through your fingers. “I’mmph mmm wmmph any mammphup.”

Soonyoung chuckled and gently grabbed your wrists. “Baby, I can’t understand what you’re saying.” 

“I’m not wearing any makeup,” you whined. “You’ve never seen me barefaced before, I’m embarrassed.”

“Nooooo, baby, lemme see your hot and sexy face,” When you wouldn’t budge, Soonyoung sighed in fake exasperation. “Then you leave me no choice.”

He crawled into the empty spot next to you in bed and wrapped his big arms around you, prying your hands away from your face. 

You giggled and wriggled away from Soonyoung, using everything within you to try and hide from your boyfriend who was now currently pinning you to the mattress jiu-jitsu style. You shrieked when Soonyoung’s cold fingers dug into your sides, causing you to writhe around under him, like a fish without water. You gasped for air as Soonyoung tickled you but your hands still firmly covered your face.

“Baby, babe, pookie bear, my sweet sugar plum, my snookum bear, honey bunch, sweet cheeks, pooh bear, pudding pie, my cutie patootie, snuggle bear,” Soonyoung gently grabbed your wrists again. “I don’t care if you’re the pretty princess version of Fiona or the ogre version. I’ll be the Shrek to whichever version you are, because,” Soonyoung placed a hand over his chest and spoke after a dramatic pause. “It’s the heart that truly matters.”

You snorted. 

“Are you laughing at me and my Shrek analogy? You know it took me a long time to think of that.” Soonyoung seemed to deflate and he pouted.

“Of course not baby. I think your Shrek analogy is genius,” You peeked through your fingers, just in time to see his chest swell again with pride–you had complimented his Shrek analogy! “But I’m still not showing you my face.”

“BABY NOOOOO,” Soonyoung dramatically threw himself against you, his fingers seeking refuge in your armpits this time, causing you to erupt into a fit of giggles. “LEMME SEE YO FACEEEEE.”

“Nooooo,” you whined. Despite your protests, you couldn’t help but giggle as Soonyoung tried different combinations of kissing and tickling to try and get you to open up.

Thanks to his stubbornness and his iron grip, he was finally able to pry your hands off your face and pinned them against the pillow next to you. In the midst of wrestling you, Soonyoung had ended up on top of you, his legs straddling your waist and he looked down at you with a triumphant grin. “Gotcha.”

His eyes were roaming around your face, evidently studying you as you tried to avoid eye contact. Your giggles slowly subsided, and you heard Soonyoung trying to catch his own breath. When he finally managed to lock his eyes with your own, there was a softness in his eyes in the way he looked at you that you had never seen before.

Breathless, Soonyoung spoke softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “You… have freckles…”

“H-huh?” You felt your cheeks burning as your boyfriend timidly brought a hand up to your face. His fingertips softly grazed your skin, his touch so light and gentle, you would’ve thought it was just a light gust of wind if you hadn’t been paying attention. Soonyoung’s eyes stayed trained on your cheeks, his eyes examining each and every individual freckle with a gentleness you had never seen from him before.

You’ve always been aware of the freckles on your face, but they’ve never received this much attention from someone before. It felt awkward, but it also felt… intimate. It felt nice for your beauty marks to be appreciated, and your heart swelled with affection at the sweet gesture from your boyfriend. 

Soonyoung continued to study the freckles, his fingers lightly tracing your skin with a feather-like touch. As if he was trying to commit every single detail of you to memory. Finally, his eyes meet yours and the corner of his lip tugs up, hinting a smile. “You’re beautiful.”

You feel the heat on your cheeks spreading across your face to the tip of your ears and you become unsure of how to respond. Sure, you’ve received compliments before, but not like this. No compliment you’ve ever received has ever been this intimate or vulnerable. The way Soonyoung said those two words made it sound like a secret. A secret that he uttered quietly into the void, whispering it into existence, just for you to hear. A secret only the two of you would know.

You thought your heart was about to burst. 

Soonyoung cupped your face with both his hands and his thumbs rubbed gently against the soft skin on your cheekbones. You blinked up at him, watching his big, dark eyes roam around your face. The light of your mushroom lamp reflected in his eyes, sparkling and shining with a child-like wonder. 

Your room was dimly lit, the muted colors in your room solely provided by the small lamp on your bedside table. It had begun to rain at some point, the dull pitter-patter of the rain against your window replicating the beating of your heart. 

After what seems like forever, you finally speak up. “Soonie?”

Soonyoung begrudgingly tears his eyes away from your freckles and looks into your own, shining eyes. “Yes, baby?”

“I–” you faltered, unsure of what to say. You pursed your lips and stared at your boyfriend who gave you a soft, loving smile. “Are my freckles that interesting?”

Soonyoung’s grin grew into a boy-ish one and he reached over and pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. “Yes, honey. I want to commit every part of you to memory. I want to learn the story behind every freckle and scar. I want to learn all of you.” 

You felt an unfamiliar warmth stir in your heart, that soon spread throughout the rest of your body, through your fingertips and every cell of your being. Your heart fluttered. Was this what poets and lyricists meant when they wrote of love

“They’re like… I mean, I’m not a poet but-” Soonyoung fumbles as he searches for the right words to describe the immeasurable admiration and love he felt for you. 

Your freckles were strikingly beautiful and Soonyoung felt the wind getting knocked out of him when he first saw the sweet brown sugar sprinkled on your nose and cheekbones. They were like April rain showers that sprinkle the green grass with yellow flowers and Soonyoung thought your face mimicked the night sky, your freckles glinting and gleaming like countless stars. 

“Your freckles… they remind me of beautiful constellations. They can create illustrations in the night sky by connecting the dots and they tell stories, your stories.” Soonyoung paused. “And I love them.”

Your breath catches in your throat. Was he-?

“I love you.”

Soonyoung gazed down at you with an uncertain look, his eyes searching your own for some kind of response. His heart hammered against his chest as he wondered if you felt the same way yet. 

You did. 

“I love you too, Soonyoung. And baby?”

“Hm?”

“That was so much better than your Shrek analogy.”

reblogs and feedback are always appreciated ^-^

[anniebeemine]

Ride- s.r. x reader

totally didn't spend an hour sobbing to Ride by Lana Del Rey in my car. Either way, I made this for y'all

It was late—later than you had intended to stay at the BAU. The bullpen was eerily quiet, most of the team having left hours ago. You had just finished up your paperwork, filing away the last report of the day. Glancing at the clock on your computer, you realized with a sigh that dawn was closer than the sunset. You mentally prepared yourself for the drive home, downing the cold coffee in your mug. 

As you gathered your things, you noticed Spencer lingering near his desk, seemingly engrossed in a book. He was the only other person still there, apart from you. His brow was furrowed in concentration, but every so often, you noticed his eyes flicking up to check the time or perhaps to glance around the empty office.

You hesitated for a moment. You’d never really had a chance to talk to Spencer one-on-one outside of work, and despite being part of the same team, you’d never been alone with him before. But something about the way he was lingering made you wonder if he was in the same situation as you—stuck with no easy way to get home.

Clearing your throat softly, you stepped over to his desk. “Hey, Spencer.”

He looked up, surprised, as if he hadn’t noticed you were still there. “Oh, hi,” he said, closing his book and setting it down. “I didn’t realize you were still here.”

“Yeah, just wrapping up,” you said with a small smile. “It’s pretty late, though. I was about to head out, and I was wondering if you needed a ride home.”

Spencer blinked, clearly surprised by the offer. “A ride home? Are you sure? I don’t want to trouble you.”

“It’s no trouble at all,” you assured him, waving off his concern. “I’d feel better knowing you got home safely. It’s pretty late, after all.”

He seemed to consider it for a moment before nodding slowly. “That would be nice. Thank you.”

You smiled, feeling a sense of satisfaction that you’d offered. “Great. Let’s get out of here, then.”

The two of you walked to the parking garage together, the silence between you comfortable but charged with a sense of unfamiliarity. You couldn’t help but notice how Spencer’s shoulders seemed to relax as he fell into step beside you. He was always so focused, so intense at work, that it was almost strange to see him in a more casual setting.

Once you reached your car, you unlocked it and slid into the driver’s seat, waiting as Spencer settled in beside you. The car was filled with the soft hum of the engine as you started it up, and you turned to him with a small smile.

“Where to?”

Spencer gave you his address, and you nodded, pulling out of the garage and onto the quiet streets. The night was calm, the usual hustle and bustle of the city muted at this late hour. You drove in comfortable silence for a while, the soft strains of music playing through the radio.

After a few minutes, Spencer spoke up. “Thank you again for the ride. I didn’t mean to keep you so late.”

“It’s really no problem,” you replied, glancing at him briefly before returning your eyes to the road. “I’m glad I could help. It’s nice to have some company for the drive.”

You fell into a comfortable silence for a few minutes, listening to a radio commercial play softly. The city lights streamed past the windows as you navigated through the streets. Spencer shifted in his seat, setting his bag between his feet and leaning back slightly.

“You know,” he began, his voice cutting through the quiet, “I’ve noticed you’ve never really gone out with the team after work. We usually head to a bar nearby, but I don’t think I’ve seen you join us.”

You smiled, keeping your eyes on the road. “Yeah, bars aren’t really my thing. I don’t mind a drink every now and then, but the whole bar scene just doesn’t appeal to me.”

He nodded, seeming to understand. “So, what do you usually do after work?”

“Honestly?” you said with a small chuckle. “I like to drive around. I’ll just pick a direction and see where it takes me. Sometimes I find a new café or a bookstore. Other times, I just enjoy the drive, listening to music or thinking about the day.”

Spencer’s interest was piqued. “That sounds… peaceful. Do you do it often?”

“Pretty often,” you admitted, glancing at him with a smile. “It’s a good way to unwind. Clears my head.”

A moment passed before you felt a burst of spontaneity. “If you’re not in a hurry to get home, I could take you out for a bit. Show you how I spend my evenings.”

Spencer’s eyebrows lifted in surprise, but a small smile curved his lips. “Sure. I’d like that.”

You grinned, feeling a bit of excitement at the prospect of showing him your side of the city. Reaching over, you rolled the windows down a little, letting the cool night air flow into the car. The breeze brushed against your skin, and you sighed, feeling the tension of the day start to melt away.

With Spencer agreeing to your impromptu adventure, you relaxed into the drive, cruising through the city with no particular destination in mind. The streets were quieter now, the typical bustle of the day giving way to a more serene atmosphere. The city lights flickered like stars on the pavement, casting a gentle glow that made everything seem a little more magical.

Spencer leaned back in his seat, seeming to unwind as well. “So, where are we headed?” he asked, his tone lighter than before.

“Anywhere we want,” you replied, smiling. “That’s the beauty of it. No plan, no rush… just enjoying the night.”

He chuckled softly. “I could get used to this.”

You drove through the winding streets, taking turns here and there without much thought, simply following the flow of the city. You passed by a few late-night diners, a couple of bookstores with their lights still on, and a park that looked inviting in the moonlight.

After a while, you found yourself near the waterfront, where the city’s lights reflected off the gently rippling water. You slowed down, rolling the windows down even further to let in the cool breeze from the bay. The sound of the water lapping against the shore was calming, and you could feel the tension in the air dissipate completely.

Spencer turned to look at you, his expression relaxed. “This is really nice,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, as if speaking too loudly might disturb the peace.

“I’m glad you think so,” you replied, parking the car and turning off the engine. “I end up here a lot.” 

You both sat in silence for a few moments, taking in the view. The city skyline was a dazzling array of lights, and the water below reflected them like a mirror. There was something so serene about the moment, and you couldn’t help but feel a sense of contentment.

“Thanks for inviting me,” Spencer said softly, breaking the silence. 

The gentle sound of waves lapping against the shore filled the silence between you and Spencer as you wandered down the path by the waterfront. You hadn’t planned on stopping, but when you spotted a large log near the water's edge, something about it seemed inviting.

Without a word, you reached out and took Spencer's hand, pulling him gently toward it. His hand was warm in yours, and you felt a slight tingle run up your spine at the simple contact. He followed you without hesitation, his eyes curious as you approached the log.

When you reached it, you nudged it with your foot, testing its stability. Satisfied that it was sturdy enough, you gave him a small smile before sitting down. He joined you, and the two of you settled in, side by side, the night sky stretching endlessly above you.

The silence that fell between you was comfortable, the kind that didn’t need to be filled with words. It was as if the world had quieted down just for the two of you, leaving only the distant hum of the city and the gentle rustling of the leaves in the breeze.

And then, as naturally as the night turned into day, you began to talk.

There was no rush, no pressure to say anything in particular. The conversation flowed effortlessly, touching on everything and nothing all at once. You found yourself sharing things you hadn’t told anyone before, stories from your past, hopes for the future, small secrets that had always felt too personal to share. But here, in the quiet of the night, with Spencer beside you, it felt right.

He listened intently, his gaze soft and attentive. Occasionally, he would share something in return, and you felt a deep sense of connection growing between you. There was something comforting in the way he opened up to you, revealing parts of himself that you had never seen before. It was as if the night had stripped away the barriers between you, leaving only honesty and vulnerability in its wake.

Time seemed to slip away unnoticed as you continued to talk, the darkness of the night gradually giving way to the first hint of dawn. The sky began to lighten, a soft blush of pink and orange spreading across the horizon. You noticed the change in the light, the way the world around you was beginning to wake up, but neither of you made any move to leave.

Eventually, though, as the sun began its slow ascent, you both fell into a companionable silence. The words had all been spoken, and now, there was only the quiet understanding that had formed between you.

You glanced at Spencer, noticing the way the early morning light caught the edges of his hair, giving him a soft, almost ethereal glow. His expression was peaceful, a small, contented smile playing on his lips as he looked out over the water.

Reluctantly, you shifted, breaking the spell that had held you together throughout the night. Spencer turned to you, his gaze meeting yours, and for a moment, it felt as though the world stood still. There was an unspoken understanding in that look, a recognition of the bond that had formed between you.

Without a word, you both rose from the log, your hands brushing together briefly before you stepped away.

The first light of dawn crept over the horizon, casting a gentle glow over everything. Spencer turned to you, his eyes reflecting the soft morning light, and he gave you a small, genuine smile.

“That was nice,” he said quietly, his voice almost reverent in the stillness of the early morning. “I’d like to do it again sometime.”

You smiled back at him, feeling warmth spread through your chest. “Anytime,” you replied, standing up and brushing off your clothes. The simplicity of your response carried all the unspoken things you wanted to say.

Together, you began walking back to the car, the world around you slowly waking up. The grass was cool and damp beneath your feet, the earth soft from the dew. As you walked, your mind was still wrapped up in the serenity of the night, lost in thought.

Suddenly, your foot caught on a lump in the grass, and you stumbled slightly. Before you could fully regain your balance, Spencer’s hand was there, steadying you with a gentle yet firm touch on your lower back. The contact sent a sudden jolt up your spine, a spark that made your heart skip a beat.

You glanced up at him, a little surprised by how much the small gesture affected you. His hand lingered for a moment, warm against your back, before he slowly let it fall away.

“Careful,” he said softly, his voice laced with concern.

“Thanks,” you murmured, your voice a bit breathless as you regained your footing.

The walk to the car continued in a comfortable silence, but the simple touch seemed to hum in the space between you. It was a small moment, yet it felt significant, like an unspoken promise that whatever had started between you tonight was just beginning.

[charmercharm3r]

Make Love, Not Porn

Sunday

HHJ

Masterlist, Story Masterlist

18+ content — minors, do not interact

wc: 6.7k

Synopsis: You crave a life of normalcy, he craves you. And he'd do anything to keep you, even if you're for the world to see.

warnings: smut, explicit sexual content, subby/service top!hyunjin, softdom!camgirl reader, dry humping, oral (m, f), piv, camming, consensual recording, can't immediately think of anything else, let me know if I missed something!

Past Broadcasts : Hi, My Name Is

Live : Sunday

☆ﾟ

Hyunjin didn’t realize how much he liked being filmed, and photography in general. He seems to have picked up a knack for the hobby once the two of you started to get more comfortable. After the first night the two of you had sex, he began to be more conscious of all the recordable moments, from your puffy morning face to the cum dripping from the corner of your mouth.

You didn’t mind it at all, he was cute about it. Hyunjin had you send him the video you took together after you edited out the extra time at the end when the two of you had long forgotten about it. Never in a million years would he admit to anyone that he watches it more frequently than someone ever should watch their own amateur porn videos, for some reason it’s a comfort video of sorts. He likes hearing the way you laugh after the both of you cum, he likes seeing the way you handle him so carefully and how supple your skin looks because he knows it is.

Even though you’re still doing your streams, you still make time for him. Usually that time happens to be right after you’re done, Hyunjin on the bed watching as you pleasure yourself. The heat of his stare hasn’t dulled in the slightest. In fact, it’s brought your on-camera orgasms back. It’s all the more exhilarating knowing that none of your viewers can see his stupidly handsome face ogling you with a hand around his cock, hard only for you.

That routine had set itself in stone after a month went by, which is why you were comfortable when he asked if he could use your computer to look up a recipe to print.

“Why can’t you use your phone? It has bluetooth,” you suggested initially.

“Y’know the preview screen? I like to read it to make sure that all the information is on there. I can’t do that on my phone,” Hyunjin replied.

It made sense at the time, that’s why you agreed to let him use the computer in your showroom, the same one you use for your livestreams. Never in a million years did you think you’d catch him sitting in your chair with his pants around his ankles jerking off to the same video that sparked his interest in filming.

The first thing you checked was that the light near the computer camera was off and that he wasn’t accidentally live, a sigh of relief leaving your mouth seeing the light off. There was a fat grin across his face, sweaty and more than relaxed in your chair. On the monitor was the image of you on your knees just as he tensed up and from what you could tell, orgasmed. The look of surprise on your face as you caught him had him cumming into his palm, as if he wasn’t in your house, sitting in your chair, using your computer. It didn’t even seem like he cared that he got caught– spoiler, he really didn’t care.

Hyunjin was incomparably comfortable around you and in your little bubble. There wasn’t anything he didn’t think he could talk to you about. All of the little things and kinks he thought were strange, you accepted with open arms. Getting caught jacking off to a video of you giving him head was probably one of the least strange things on that small list.

You had gotten down on your knees again and sucked him through to a second orgasm, not an entirely uncommon occurrence now that he was a semi-permanent resident in your heart and apartment. He had hunched over you, one hand on the back of your head keeping you in place as you deepthroated his cock, the other, from what you could tell, slammed onto the desk above you and gripping onto it for dear life. It was your big pretty eyes and the small hum onto his cock that made him cum again, another one so hard that he didn’t notice his hand sliding across the desk roughly and hitting your keyboard, which then slammed into the mouse. Of course you couldn’t hear the sound of the cam site’s whooshing as the same video that played in the background was also being uploaded onto your page.

Creatures of habit, the both of you were, sharing a shower and eating dinner together still wrapped in your bath robes with towels wrapping your sopping hair. Neither of you had checked your phone in maybe two hours when you finally realized there was an incessant pinging noise coming from your showroom. It had reminded Hyunjin that his phone was nearby and reached to check it before you finally stood to go find out what was happening.

“When did you post a new video?” He asked, shaking the towel into his hair. You shrugged without looking back, on to find the source of the annoying notifications.

Your computer was still on, red flag number one.

Red flag number two, your keyboard and mouse were askew all over your desk. Your first instinct was that someone broke into your apartment while you were showering and they were hacking your account– it does, afterall, have your bank account info so that the tips can go directly into it.

But as you sat down to look at what was going on, you would rather have been robbed. Mouth dropped and heart thumping out of your chest, replaying on your cam page was the video of you between Hyunjin’s knees and head bobbing up and down with his quiet moans echoing in the computer speakers.

Just as you realized what had happened, your partner in said video fumbled into the door way and held up his phone. You couldn’t see the screen from that far, but you knew exactly what he was referring to.

“I didn’t–”

“You wouldn’t–”

“I don’t know what happened–”

“When the fuck did it get uploaded?” Hyunjin strode by your side and leaned over your desk to check the timestamp. You watched his face and prepared for any kind of anger, readying for the worst, bracing for impact that he was going to fight to take the video down then grab his shit and hyperdrive right out of your life. Instead, his eyebrows relaxed and a kind of smug half smirk took over his expression. “Oh, my bad, hahaha.”

You raised a brow at him, nothing but dumbfounded. “What?”

“Well,” he rubbed the towel into his hair again. “You were under the desk, so you couldn’t really see.”

“You posted it when your dick was in my mouth?”

“Not on purpose!” Hyunjin wrapped his arms around your neck in a headlock to smother his cheek against yours. “I can’t really focus when your mouth is so warm, wet, sloppy, delicious–”

“Ew, I get it!” Giggling, he pecked your lips then gestured for you to stand up so he could take your seat, patting his thighs to sit in his lap. A light pout on your lips, you took the offer and slung an arm over his shoulder.

You didn’t want to admit it, but you were slightly embarrassed at how easy it was for you to get caught like this. Nothing has ever happened in all your time of camming that would have made you feel so exposed. It was a private moment that you assured him was for your eyes only. Embarrassed was a nice way of putting it, you were ashamed, guilty, remorseful even.

“I have to take it down,” you shook your head and reached for the mouse, but Hyunjin stopped you by intertwining your fingers together. “What? You didn’t agree to this. I promised it was just for us. I’m so sorry.” There was a lump in your throat, having to swallow it down while fighting the tears wanting to roll.

Hyunjin seemed unphased, maybe even… enjoying it? He was smiling into your shoulder. “Why are you making that face? I’m crying and you look like you just got away with murder.”

He took a second to respond, laughing softly into the bathrobe you wore. “Stop it! I need to take it down!” He fought you harder as you struggled in his grasp to even reach the mouse, arms slithering around and restricting you entirely with hardly any force as he was just that much stronger.

When you finally calmed down enough for him to lightly nose at your cheek again, you huffed. “I dunno, babe. Is it really so bad if we keep it up?”

You stopped fighting him back, “you wanna keep it up?” Hyunjin shrugged shyly.

“A little. Look, other people like it, too.” He reached around you to scroll through the comments.

Reading your comment section was usually a highlight that you saved for some down days. The ones under your video with him was even more ego-boosting than usual. There were keyboard smashes, people asking when they can have a turn with you cus he looked like he was thoroughly enjoying himself, even legit offers in your inbox for higher level filming services. Hyunjin would scroll, point to one, and you’d giggle in his lap.

— sexy wuts his @?

— sounds so good with her mouth stuffed

— i want him?? i want her?? u guys need a third??

“Look at this one, ‘I’d pay for a silicone mold of sweetheart’s mouth.’”

Hyunjin grabbed your chin and made you twist to face him, opening your mouth to look inside as you wiggled your tongue. “Yup. Could definitely make money selling a pocket if it was shaped like this wonderful, glorious, gummy—“

“You’re disgusting! I don’t even think that’s possible.”

“Yeah, you’d swallow the molding, you’re too good at that.” 

The light smack you sent to his shoulder made him smile and cheekily kiss you. It was like he was starved for kisses with how intensely he moved, far from the truth as possible. Hand slipping to cup your cheek and the other slyly moving the robe to expose your thigh enough that it made you pull away and raise and eyebrow. “You really don’t wanna take the video down?”

Hyunjin scrunched his nose, “hell no. It kinda makes me wanna… Should I make my own account?”

Your face lit up, “really?” Another shrug. “I mean, you’ve already got a few fans and they’re asking for more. But babe, it could be a lot. Are you sure?”

“Maybe? I haven’t really thought about it. It wasn’t even an idea in my head until I saw the comments. But I do like taking videos and pictures. I’m not totally sure I could do the live stream stuff like you. Gotta leave you sooome business.”

“I don’t think you should jump right into it, maybe dip your toes in first before hopping in the deep end. Would you wanna try guesting on my stream first?”

“Like, actually be on your live?!”

You forgot how the two of you met in the first place, that he recognized you because he was a fan of your cams. Not for a second did you stop to think that it might’ve been weird because everything with him happened so naturally. Well, he did make it weird at first, and truly had you anxious to even go to the grocery store– but that was because you were too in your head about being recognized in the first place. When you actually spoke to him, you realized that’s just him and his awkward way of showing his emotions. You didn’t doubt for a second that even if he didn’t recognize you, he would’ve found a way to wriggle into your life at some point in time. Part of you mentally slapped yourself for not going to his coffee shop sooner.

“Why not? Then you don’t have to start alone,” you wriggled free to wrap an arm around his neck again. “For me, I contemplated it for months. I can’t remember when I started, it was so long ago–”

“I think it’s been, like, almost a year and a half.”

You lightly slapped the back of his neck, “don’t interrupt me, I’m trying to be sincere.” A peck on your cheek as an apology. “But it was scary at first. Remember what I said about intimacy  the first time I brought you back here?”

Silence.

“You can speak now.”

“How could I forget? That’s permanent spank bank material. Stored in the mental vault for when you’re not with me.” Charming as ever.

You rolled your eyes. “It feels like that. Instead of one person watching, it’s a whole audience.” If the twitch beneath your thighs was anything to go by, you’d say the look on his face was a nearly identical giveaway. “The offer stands if you wan–”

“I want to.”

After a long, detailed discussion, you finally agreed your next livestream would be the night, and you got him naked. Or— you finally let him get naked. Hyunjin was still in his underwear, but it was enough for him.

You moved things around so that the camera faced the bed, adjusting the tripod to a lower angle so that no faces could show. For this special occasion, you put on dainty white sheets that made the bed feel bigger on this end of the camera. Hyunjin adjusted the lighting for a warmer feeling, inviting. That alone made you want to skip the broadcast and fuck him right then and there.

Hyunjin was shaking in his skin with excitement. You told him to lay back and try to relax as you set everything up. Seeing you walking around in pretty little lingerie was getting him antsier as the seconds passed, wanting nothing more than to reach out, grab you, and kiss you silly.

He was leaning back on his palms and swinging his feet back and forth as you finished, last touch being turning the computer so if you wanted, you could watch yourselves. 

You were bent over and reading the comments of the people in the live stream waiting room, “live soon, hardcandysweetheart: sunday.” The stare burning holes into your ass made you giddy and smile.

“Everyone in the comments is confused since I don’t usually go live today,” you giggle, straightening up and facing the boy in your bed. He looked extra handsome, for some reason, more than usual. Maybe it was the hormones or the anticipation, probably your insatiable need to have him all the fucking time. Even if today didn’t go as planned and you don’t have sex, you’d be content with just laying beside him and getting to look at his pretty face. 

“I would be, too. Can I have a kiss now?”

“Impatient.” You gave him one anyway, slotted between his spread knees to lean down and plant a soft, velvety kiss to his lips. Hyunjin slid a beneath your butt to hold you close, the other gripped onto your hip restraining from doing more before the camera was finally turned on. He wanted to go further as his tongue licked at your bottom lip in asking for entrance, a whine emitting when you pulled away to deny the request. 

“You can always back out. At any time. You don’t have to say anything, just get up and leave.”

Hyunjin wasn’t listening to anything you were saying, you could tell by the glossy-eyed look he had as you brushed his hair from his face. His eagerness was contagious, you were on the verge of leaning in to kiss him again because of your own selfish needs, however the pinging of your computer’s five minute warning made you glance back before continuing.

“I’m serious, Hyune. We don’t have to do this. Tell me now and I’ll cancel the live.”

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” He teased, tugging you tighter.

“I do this for a living, I’m fine. I just don’t want you to regret any—“

Within a quick second, he pulled you to fall into his lap to be taken in with a deeper, hotter kiss that made you forget that there was a timer counting down his showcase. “Okay, I’ll shut up now.”

A minute and thirty seconds, you straightened yourself out and settled into a more comfortable position for the introduction. That was going to be the hardest part, explaining the video that was accidentally posted and now, this brand new guest that wasn’t even another streamer. Hyunjin was an unknown— either the reaction was going to be through the roof, or astronomically terrible.

Fourth five seconds, you anxiously changed positions again and had him scoot a little further back on the bed to sit between his legs. Instinctively Hyunjin leaned his chest onto your back, draping an arm around your waist. “Relax, we’ll be okay.”

We.

3, 2, 1. hardcandysweetheart, you are now live!

“Hey there, did you see my little surprise?”

There was another twitch in his pants against your lower back, you silenced your own panting lungs, the small action more than enough to soothe the worries you had.

“I think you liked it, so much that I just had to invite him back for more.” Your body moved slightly to the side and made room for Hyunjin to wave. As he did, you leaned in to quietly place a reassuring kiss to his cheek, to which he returned happily. 

You could faintly make out the comments scrolling by faster than you could attempt to read. “You’re excited, huh? It’s been a while since there’s been someone I wanted to bring on. This one’s special.” His hand massaged into your side, acknowledging the passing words and his heart thumping harder.

Hyunjin almost forgot that you were livestreaming, more than immersed in your voice that he fell into some sort of trance, hearing but not listening, relying purely on what he could see and feel. And that was you. His gaze only on you, unable to look anywhere else as that spell had goosebumps raising along his skin when you did nothing but touch his thigh. 

“Look at that, I think he’s more than ready to go. Practically drooling, aren’t you, baby?”

“Mhm,” he nuzzled his nose into your cheek, trying to hold back from his usual affections so as not to give too much away so quickly, and finding it difficult.

“He’s very obedient,” your voice lowered an octave, reaching back to cup his cheek and trail a finger down his neck to his chest, a red line following the same path. “Like a pet. Just follows me around, wherever I go.” Hyunjin whimpered, just a little, but enough for the audio to pick it up. “Hey now, be good for our guest. No begging.”

He kissed your cheek again, an apology.

Turning your attention back to the comments, “so sorry, lovely. I wanna ask you how your day went, but someone is a little too enthusiastic to get started. I hope you don’t mind, I’m still training him. Isn’t that right?”

“Yes,” he responded softly.

“His voice is so pretty. I know you’ll enjoy tonight’s stream, maybe even as much as I do.”

Your legs spread, hooking them over his knees and leaning back into his hold. Hyunjin’s hands started roaming everywhere they could, emphasizing his neediness by digging his fingers into the insides of your thighs and pulling them that much wider. Automatically they trickled their way down to your center, gently running the pads of his fingers over the gusset of your underwear. Even you could tell, it was incredibly wet, the aroma of your arousal filling the room. 

Glancing at the monitor, his frame overshadowed yours by what seemed like miles. Hyunjin’s broad shoulders shielded your back and you couldn’t help but relax further into him.

Hardly even there, he pushed into your center, drawing a small gasp from your lips. The small circles he traced sparked the need to buck your hips up and into him.

His mistake for laughing, you slapped his hand away to stand and shove him back onto the bed. The view of your ass covered his face from showing, but if watchers could see, they’d see him teething at his lip to hold back a victorious smile, as if it was his plan all along to get you to bite back. Hyunjin raked his eyes up and down your body before putting his hands behind his head.

Another strike.

“You think you’re gonna get to sit there like a pillow princess? D’you really think I’m gonna do all the work?”

The smile faded faster than it came.

Climbing onto his lap and straddling his hips, the camera got the perfect shot of your soaked crotch and the underside of his raging boner twitching in his underpants even more when you slammed both your hands onto the bed on either side of his head. Hyunjin flinched, but he wasn’t scared. More like turned on beyond belief.

“Little pet,” one finger tipped up his chin to close his awestruck dropped jaw. He could feel the heat of your cunt radiating through the wet material, suffocating in it when your hips softly landed right on top of his cock. Even through both of your underwear, the feeling of you on him was enough to turn the tables and he rut up into you.

The nickname, the finger lightly scratching under his jaw, everything down to the intonation when you spoke to him made Hyunjin forget there was a camera on the both of you. Aside from the very obvious seriousness of the act of sex itself and every other time the two of you had been together, this moment felt intensely more intimate. He couldn’t quite put his finger on as to why that was. The concerns you voiced before echoed in the back of his mind, though there wasn’t a single doubt that he had in wanting to continue.

The small fact that you cared enough to keep asking and keep reassuring that he didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want, made his entire body heat up. Sure, the bar was on the floor. But it wasn’t just this one instance, you were persistent in making sure he was comfortable, and Hyunjin was grateful that the sentiment was returned in his efforts to help you learn about your own relationship needs outside of sex. Such a miniscule thing to be in love with, but it was his deal breaker. Call him a simp, but you had his balls tied in a heart shaped knot. 

You sat on top of him with an almost unimpressed look, letting him continue to hump against your warm cunt. Determination clouded the horniness as you tilted your head. The truth was that that alone felt remarkably good, keeping up the facade was one of the hardest things you had to do. To fight the impulse to moan, you steadied yourself and sat up straight, looking down at Hyunjin while his hands iron gripped onto your hips. The strength he held onto you almost was close to toppling you over.

Instead, you gave in just a little and sat fully. Hyunjin’s tongue poked out from the corner of his mouth, adjusting his knees and bumping you up to stabilize himself as the dragging of his covered cock slide against the wet friction of one another’s underwear. Sweat dripped down his temple and soaked his hairline, rolls of his hips took a full bodily effort. His abdomen moved in waves and gave you a preview of what it would look like when the underwear finally came off, delicious enough to rake your fingernails from his collarbone to his waistline, Hyunjin’s eyes rolling back as you did.

“Mmf– please, please,” he whimpered, becoming more erratic as the seconds passed. He dryly humped upwards so rough now that you were just about bouncing.

“Please what?” His hands slipped below the waistband of your panties and drug it half down your ass. “Use your words.”

“Fuck, need you.”

“Need me? Okay, pet.” 

With that, you abruptly stood up– not without a barrage of pleas and whines– and made room for him to hurriedly slide off the bed and kneel on the floor in front of you as you took his spot. If he had a tail, it’d be swinging back and forth.

You checked the camera’s view just in case, but it saw nothing but the back of his head, at the most. As he told you in earlier discussion, he was fine with that. The view of his back muscles made your mouth water that much more as it contrasted with the puppy dog look he was giving you now, waiting.

“So polite, baby.” You had barely moved to slide off your underwear when Hyunjin jumped at the chance, rushing it down your legs and tossing it to expose your dripping core.

If it was even possible, his eyes widened to the point of total blackness, determination now tainted with the lust that had driven him to this point in the first place. He’d never realized this side of him ever existed, this carnal desire and rapacious thirst to be suffocated in every aspect by a single person. He wanted to consume each bit of you down to the bone. Pick you apart just so he could thoroughly examine and ingrain every nerve and fiber that made you whole. This intense feeling, he never wanted it to end.

His hair was soft as you ran your fingers through it, playing with it for the viewers to see how good he was, waiting for permission like a true pet companion. Tongue running along his lips, he palmed at himself again and shifted uncomfortably in his spot.

“Go on. You wanted me, so have me.”

Spreading your legs wider, you didn’t have to work very hard to get him to dive into you head first. He was so overly excited that he moaned at the first taste of your pussy, dragging his tongue uncoordinatedly while shoving himself as close to you as possible.

As soon as his tongue touched your clit, you figured it was time to forgo worrying about how the stream looked and just let yourself fall into the feeling. Hooking your legs over his shoulders let Hyunjin sink his teeth further into you, or, more like his tongue slipping further down to prod at your hole and circle it before entering. Even if it couldn’t reach far in, the wiggling motion had your head falling back and moaning out. Voicing how pleased you were made Hyunjin reciprocate and mumble into your swollen cunt, vibrating every inch. 

Skin sensitive and needier than you wanted to let on, you were torn between satisfying yourself and putting him in his place.

But he was being good, the thought still crossed your mind no matter how well he was performing.

Being on live camera seemed to have sparked an even bigger submissive role Hyunjin wanted to fill, goading you into keeping a hand on the back of his head so that he had little room to breathe. As if he wanted to be put in his place.

Digging your heels into his back to secure him in place between your legs seemed to have given him the feeling he wanted– to be used.

Your hips canted into his mouth, not needing to chase his lips but wanting more of the suction, more of his tongue, more of the feeling. Like a freshly lit fire burning wildly in the center of your body and he was the dry wood and oxygen that kept it alive. Funny how that was when just looking at him takes your breath away.

Hyunjin wrapped his arms under your thighs to grip onto the tops of them, fingernails digging deeply into your skin to which you didn’t mind at all, the pain felt good with the pleasure. As you became louder, he did, too. His soft humming, lips suckling in your clit, tip of his tongue wiggling against it lightly as he did so, cumming was guaranteed as soon as he took your underwear off. And fuck, did it feel extra good.

Eye rolling, muscle tensing, vision blinding, chill inducing, voice numbing, leg twitchingly good.

You slouched over him as you came down, still partially aware of the green light blinking on your computer keeping you on camera. Hyunjin softly kissed your sensitive bundle of nerves to ease the comedown, mumbling what you think was praise when it should be you praising him for what was for sure his best round of head yet.

“I take it back,” you breathed out with a chuckle, and Hyunjin shot his head up to look at you with confusion. “I think I should put in some work for how amazing that just was.”

Hyunjin lopsidedly smirked, the view even cuter because your essence was smeared around his entire lower face.

“I’m so proud of you, baby. Maybe you don’t need as much training as I thought.”

You tapped his shoulder so he could scoot back and make room for you to stand. Hyunjin followed brief instructions to get onto the bed once more, laying down and ready for his underwear to finally come off. You rid yourself of the rest of your lingerie first, tossing the bra at him and laughing, just the littlest bit mocking when he brought it to his mouth to bite on. Stealing it away, you scolded, “nuh uh. I want them to hear you when I fuck you.”

“When you fuck me?”

The way you phrased it intimidated him a little, but also excited him. The prospect of getting fucked by you was something he’d never even thought would come out of your mouth let alone actually happen. He’d always thought that, traditionally, men should be the ones doing the fucking, that it was his job to cross that finishline with him putting in the effort. Hyunjin didn’t even know how this was a possibility, but he was more than ready for whatever you decided to do to him.

“Don’t worry, I’m saving the strap for another day. I don’t wanna scare you off so quickly.” All of that sentence and none of that sentence registered in his brain. “Do you trust me?”

“You know I do.”

Repressing the endeared smile on your face wasn’t an option. It was one of the rawest emotions you’d shown him yet, and being so open about it had Hyunjin’s heart doing somersaults into his belly, all of him fluttering on cloud nine. 

Your body covering his entire body including his face from the camera, you kneeled onto the bed between his legs and hovered over him to finally kiss him. Really kiss him, the way he’d been craving all night. The kind of kiss that murmured the words your lips didn’t know how to, unconditional and safe, hands so delicately open as he placed his entire heart into them.

Amidst his mind being blown with just a kiss, you snaked your hand into the waistline of his underwear and dryly– aside from all the leaking precum– stroked him until he whined to rid them. Condom placed on the edge of the bed for convenience, you were gentle in rolling it on, gentle in maneuvering to toss one leg over his hip, and gentle in taking his left leg into the crook of your arm.

All across the board, Hyunjin was confused. 

What in the hell kind of position was this? He had never seen you do this in any of your previous cams? Was there even a name for the pretzel he felt tied into? That’s an exaggeration, he’s just never been bent like this before. Now he gets how you must feel.

Your right thigh was locked under his to keep the position in something like a scissor looking kind. In his mind, it was odd, for sure. But he happily went with it because he knew you wouldn’t lead him anywhere he wouldn’t want to go.

One more soft, shared kiss, you scooted a bit higher up his body– straining his elevated leg a little because he didn’t think he needed to stretch beforehand– and settled directly over his aching cock. He hadn’t been properly touched since he’d gotten you completely naked and was in dire need of attention. Your hips dropped and he was sinking into you with nothing but slick and very much wanted entrance. Hyunjin felt strange, a wonderful and thrilling kind of strange that came from the new position and new atmosphere surrounding the both of you.

As you came to the hilt, he thought, “dear god, why didn’t you fuck me earlier?”

“Honestly, I didn’t think you would like it this much.”

His eyes widened to realize that he’d spoken his thoughts aloud. Hyunjin also didn’t realize how much time had passed since he had entered you and drool was dripping from the corner of his mouth. You didn’t seem bothered in the slightest.

How could you be? You had an earth shattering orgasm and now got to fuck the most amazing and understanding person you know. And get to repay the favor with an extraordinary orgasm for him? You must have died and gone to heaven.

“Oh god, please keep going.”

An excited smirk, you experimentally moved your hips back and slid yourself off his cock, sinking back onto it as if you were the one penetrating. Hyunjin’s eyes rolled back and he groaned loudly. Music to your ears, you sped up just a little so that the bed rocked.

On your end, this was the ideal position. Every slide up and down his cock rubbed the under and inner part of your clit just the right way that you felt it in your legs. Hyunjin reached out to hold onto you, but couldn’t find the strength to hold on for very long before reaching a hand up to steady himself against the headboard.

You wanted more, needed more. Slinging his leg over your shoulder gave you more room to move freely, fuck him harder, faster until all that could be heard was skin on skin and wetness drowning his cock with every thrust. He loved everything about it and was doing whatever he could to suppress the impending high. Hyunjin wanted to cum, but didn’t want the moment to end even more.

“S– stop, stop,” he stuttered and held a hand out towards where your bodies connected. You cowered back and pulled him out in fear that he had changed his mind. Every negative thought you’d previously had about the situation came flooding back. That was, until he panted out a dreamy sigh, “don’t wanna cum yet. But please, fuck me harder.”

Endearing in every sense of the word.

“Because you said please.”

To give him a second to recuperate, you gently laid his leg back down and kissed his cheek. Then he gave you the okay once again, and changed to lifting both his legs around your waist. Hyunjin anticipatingly chuckled when you guided his cock to point a little more downward as you let him fill you, leaning your weight onto your arms that planted beside his head and letting him wrap his arms beneath the underside of your shoulders.

The steady rolls of your hips was exhilarating, scratching the itch that you didn’t know needed to be scratched, so satisfying that he face palmed himself for not thinking of it earlier.

You rested yourself on top of him so you were chest to chest, selfishly being a bit lazy because you wanted to taste his pretty lips once more. You knew the view for the stream was more than enough, probably too personal for Hyunjin’s first time camming, however he didn’t seem to mind. The camera being on was probably what made his senses skyrocket.

What a funny little attention whore.

You caught your rolling hips turning into harder slams, stronger and stronger with every slap of skin to skin. Hyunjin tightened his legs around your torso and kissed you back sloppier, uncoordinated as his high approached. He used the momentum of your movements to rut up to meet your center in time. Who was fucking who now, neither of you could tell nor care. 

His unfiltered moans of euphoria were too cute to keep for yourself, pulling away from the kiss as he came nearer and nearer to the edge. By the time you’d felt the knot tightening in your belly, Hyunjin was summoning whatever self control he had left to not blow before you.

“‘M gonna cum, ‘m gonna cum,” you whispered, letting your forehead fall into the crook of his neck and bite onto the supple skin. Messy and carelessly you fully weighted slammed your hips onto his as your cunt fluttered with the overflowing pleasure, sealing both your fates when you stopped entirely and let the pulsing within you milk you both for whatever you could collectively release. Hyunjin’s coarse voice filled the air as he fought the urge to say your real name, settling for unintelligible fibs while he filled the condom to the point of bursting. You couldn’t stop the convulsing of your hips that shallowly made you both shudder in overstimulation.

A ringing in your ears and warmth of his arms tightening around your waist, you wanted to shut your eyes and fall asleep just like this. But there was the growing sound of tips pinging to replace the previous adulterous noises and bring you both back to reality.

You kissed his chest before sitting up and kissing his lips, as delicately as possibly pulling away and letting him relax into the bed. The shaking in your legs made it almost impossible to turn and face your body towards the camera once more.

“What’d you think? Wasn’t his voice just to die for? Always so sweet.” Your eyes glazed over the rapidly scrolling comment section, unable to focus long enough to truly read any of them. Hyunjin didn’t even move, probably worn down to the bone. “I think our guest enjoyed himself. I know I surely did, and I hope you did, too, lovely. Let me know what you think, should he join us again some time? Maybe it’s time to wash up. Take care, lovely. Until next time.” You waved your fingers, paused a second, and ended the live with the comments still rolling. Not in the right mind to read them, you put your computer to sleep and crawled into bed beside the dozing man.

Hyunjin fought to keep his eyes open, too exhausted for his own good. You looked him up and down to assess his state– condom still on so you helped take it off him, limbs bent and tired as you assisted in stretching them to lay flat. The last step was taking him into your actual bed. No way were you letting him sleep in this icky, sweaty bed.

“No shower yet, Hyune. Just bed. Can I help you up?” He hazily nodded and allowed you to drape his arm over your shoulder so you could guide him back to your bedroom.

As soon as you had him beneath the covers and his head hit the pillow, he softly mewled and reached his arms out for you to take your rightful place within them. Then, he was out like a light. 

Soft snores and his heartbeat were all you could hear. There was nothing else you deemed worth the effort to think other than, people are only temporary for as long as they choose to be.

He couldn’t be more excited, the pleaser he is, Hyunjin was shaking in his skin as he watched the timer count down the seconds.

“Relax, baby. I’ll be right here if you need me,” you leaned back into your chair that sat out of sight of the camera, half naked as well to make it less nerve wracking. Phone in hand to monitor all of the comments of the people in the waiting room, this was a highly anticipated event in your extremely small circle. This was everything and anonymously nothing, but thrilling either way. “Have fun.”

Hyunjin weighed his options between the thirty seconds he had left and the need to get one more kiss. He chose the latter, skipping up to you and taking in your lips with unexaggerated passion. “For good luck.”

3, 2, 1. i.scream.sundae, you are now live!

“Oh, hello. Have we met before?”

☆ﾟ

A/N: unsure of the positions within the story? look here!

and that's it for this mini series! took me so fucking long to finish but ya know life happens. hope it was ehh maybe worth it. thank you for reading!

tags: @babebatter @changbinluvr @epiphanynaffit @fawnpeaks @linovely @dumplinbokkieracha @finnydraws @naturules @djeniryuu @skzhomiehopper @yesv01 @hyunjinsamdl @dazzlingligth @alexis-reads-fics @0002linoskitten @chillichillicrabcrab23 @zerefdragn33l @straycrescent @binnies-donuts @soldierstangirl-blog @bakedlilgoonie @levanterlily @shelbyyy44 @yeetmehome @in2heartz @astroodledream @the-sweetest-rose @lilbugs-things @viviennenstan @staurdvst @alex--awesome--22 @imzenning @jeyelleohe @iadorethemskz @skyvastbunny @mamabymychem @katsukis1wife @woozarts @noellllslut @straykids5star @like-a-diamondinthesky @karivm

[dark-hibe]

I like to have a nice glass of wine after a long day, turning on the TV to try to relax. It's the perfect thing after a long day in an office. Some time alone and a few hours of mindless TV to decompress from a long day.

Only, the wine must've been stronger than I thought. I barely make it through the first 5 minutes of my show before my eyes begin to droop, and the calming voices from my screen do little to keep me awake. I'm asleep before I can even think to turn off the lights.

Enter you.

I dont know how you got in. In fact, I don't know you at all. But you enter my apartment with a key I didn't know you had, confident as if you'd done it a million times before.

And you had. In fact, you were just here two hours ago, adding something special to my stash of wine. You knew I'd be out of it for the rest of the night. And you planned to take full advantage of that, didn't you?

You start with flipping me face down onto the couch. It's not a comfortable position, but you don't care much about how I'll feel in the morning. Not when you're already ripping my work pants from my hips. Each inch of my skin revealed sends a shiver down your spine. I wonder if you thought you'd take it slow? Or if you already knew what you were gonna do.

I almost stir when you force your cock in, a whine escaping my lips as you make my cunt take it. But it doesn't matter to you. You set a hard and brutal pace, groaning at how tight I feel. You don't even notice the way my hands begin to clench, my body trying to pull away even in my sleep. I bet you think it's cute how unaware I am. I wonder if you take a picture. Or a video.

Is it when I start getting wet that you cum? When each slap of our skin together produces a loud squelch as my cunt begins to suck you in. Or maybe when you feel me beginning to cum, getting off even as you rape my holes. Either way, you don't pull out, filling my pussy with your cum. Do you watch it drip from my hole when you pull out? Do you push it back in?

I'll never know. You move to pull my pants back up before you realize you have enough time for more. Instead of setting me back to rights, you eye my asshole. You can't go again so fast – yet you still move to shove your cockhead past that tight ring of my virgin ass. And that's when you release. A hot stream of your piss beginning to fill my hole. It's almost as euphoric as cumming, your soft groans filling the room as you finally use me like you'd been planning to.

It's then you pull back. You barely take a moment to stand before you decide against pulling up my pants. Let me wake to the confusion of what happened the night before. You right yourself, slipping out of my apartment and locking the door behind you ❤️

[lou-struck]

The Apple of My Pie

Kenma Kozume x reader

Flufftober Day 13~ Apple Pie

W.C. 1.2k

~These long days of streaming can drive Kenma crazy, so much so he swears he can smell something delicious coming from the kitchen.

A few years ago, Kenma Kozume would've never considered himself a workaholic.

Unnecessary effort for mundane tasks was seemingly pointless. Why work hard on something that doesn't matter to you?"

He had this train of thought until he met you, and everything changed. He started to dream of a future with you. And he realized that In order to make that dream come true he has to do more than just the bare minimum.

~

Hey Hey Hey, it's my birthday. It would mean the world to me if you gave me a shout-out. 

What console is he playing this on?

Follow 4 follow anyone?????

What texture pack are U using? Ur game looks different than mine?

The chat in his stream seems to move faster than his avatar as he plays through one of his favorite games. His eyes are dry and irritated from staring at the screen for hours, but he keeps pushing himself. It may only be October now, but he really wants to earn enough to take you on your dream vacation in the new year. 

His desk is littered with water bottles but he can't seem to remember the last time he has eaten. Was it breakfast?

Maybe…

Glancing over at the clock, he wonders what time you will get home from work today. Usually, when you come home, you poke your head into his office, and he will wrap up his stream to spend some time with you.

When you left the house this morning, you had that cute look on your face that you get when you are trying to hide something, but he still cannot figure out what it was that you were hiding. 

His brain goes on autopilot as he runs through the map, killing enemies and looting chests as he tries to figure out the little mystery. 

Did you plan a date night?

…

That could be it.

A soft smile tugs at his lips as he wonders if he should beat you to the punch and take you out tonight for dinner. Or better yet, maybe he should order some takeout from the place you like and have a night in.

He starts to reach for his phone to check your location when something sweet, something nostalgic, wafts under his nose. He inhales deeply, but then he remembers that his automatic air freshener broke last week and starts to worry.

Sometimes, when he spends the day streaming and working, he can forget things, like if he lit one of those sweet-smelling fall candles you bought for the house earlier when he went to grab an energy drink from the fridge.

Shit…

Suddenly, his screen bleeds red, and he realizes that in his state of distraction, his avatar died, much to the surprise of all of his viewers. 

"Ummmm, okay, guys, I think I need to call it quits after that one," he says into the camera. Signing off with his usual quiet demeanor, his fans can't seem to get enough of it. As his blinking camera light goes dark, he pushes out his gaming chair and slides across the wooden floor in his socks as he tries to find the source of the smell. 

The kitchen light illuminates the stairway, casting his shadow along the portrait-speckled walls, and to his relief, he spots a familiar-looking set of car keys on the corner of the hallway table and immediately feels at ease. 

The sound of you shuffling through the kitchen brings a smile to your face as he walks toward you and the warm, sweet smell that only gets stronger with each step he takes. Now out of panic mode, Kenma allows his eyes to readjust from the dark, blue light of his office to the warm, cozy lights of the kitchen. 

He reaches the bottom of the steps and walks into the kitchen entryway, where you are hunched over the sink washing a large silver mixing bowl. The countertop looks almost shiny as if it is still wet from being cleaned, but on the corner of the island sits a few containers of spices, just waiting to be put away. He can't make out the labels from the doorway, but he is pretty sure he at least sees some cinnamon. 

"It smells good in here," he murmurs, grabbing your attention; your head snaps toward the sound in surprise, but calm down when you see it's just him.

"Ken, I thought you were streaming still." you breathe, quickly setting the now clean bowl onto the drying rack. "How long have you been standing there?"

"I was," he says. Doing little to hide his satisfaction of seeing you trying to adorably look nonchalant. "But I started too early and needed a break, so not long."

"I see," you say, your gaze nervously darting every which way except… He turns his head towards the window sill and sees his all-time favorite dessert, a freshly baked, still steaming apple pie, cooling in the chilly fall air. 

"Damn, you caught me," you tell him, wrapping your arms around his stiff midsection; he really needs to get a better chair in his office. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

"I am surprised," he says, starting to walk toward the window, taking you, who is still holding onto him with him. His keen, catlike eyes scan the dessert, and it looks amazing. The crust is golden and unbelievably flaky, and the lattice looks like it just walked off the set of one of those cooking shows his mom used to watch all the time. 

You must've worked really hard on this…

"The pie looks amazing," he says, hypnotized by its beauty. 

"It's better," you laugh, regarding your masterpiece with a critical gaze. "It took me forever to make it. I got home a few hours ago and tried to be as quiet as I could. I had wanted to bring you a slice when you got done streaming, but making the filling took way longer than I thought."

His heart swells as he is touched by the care that you put into this surprise, but he turns away from it. The pie may be a masterpiece, but you are far more important. To this day, Kenma doesn't know how he ended up with an S-rank partner like you, but he is too afraid to ask in case you one day wake up and realize that you could be with someone a hundred times better than him…

"So, do you really like it?" you ask softly, your expression tender.

"I love it y/n, seriously. You are amazing." He gently cups your cheek and wipes away a little streak of flour from your warm skin. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, you say, your eyes shining, and he can see his lovesick, adoring reflection staring back at him.

He kisses you and tastes something sweeter than apples on your lips. He may not be the smoothest guy in the world, but he knows you and doesn't pull back until you are weak in the knees. 

His lips are just centimeters from yours when he asks if he could have a piece. 

Tagging: @pixelcafe-network @ambiguouslady42

[enhaheeseung]

Come back to me - L. HS

Pairing: heeseung X fem reader!

Warning: angst, crying, alcohol consumption.

WC: 1,906k

Part three

After signing the papers, he got ready for bed, more like stripped down to his underwear and boxers before slipping into bed.

He sighs and opens the drawer on his side of the bed, taking out a photo of you and him together.

He put his thumb on the picture frame, softly stroking the image of your pretty smiling face. “Good night, my angel. I love you.” he kissed the frame and set it on your side of the bed, pulling the blankets over the photo before shutting off the lights and going to sleep.

-

When the morning came, heeseung was still in a deep sleep, dreaming about you laying in bed next to him while he caressed your cheek and you smiled at him. “Y/n,” he mumbles, inching closer to you in his dream to kiss you, except the kiss didn’t feel tender or warm like it usually did. It felt cold and hard, and the next thing he knew, his eyes were fluttering open, and he was holding the picture frame to his lips.

Tears immediately well in his eyes as he hugs the frame to his chest. “I miss you so bad.” he laid on his back, the tears rolling down his cheeks and wetting his pillow.

Hours passed like that, him clutching onto the picture like his life depended on it while endless tears poured from his eyes.

Finally, at some point, he stopped crying, but his throat still felt tight, his eyes burned, and his breath was uneven and shaky.

It was well past midnight, and he was still just glued in his bed until reality had set in.

He slowly put the frame back inside his drawer, wiping the residual tears off his cheek, and with one last labored breath, he slipped off his wedding ring, placing it on top of the picture and closing the drawer, realizing that you and him are officially over.

There were no apologies, no second chances, no nothing. You had moved on, and he’d just have to learn to accept that.

-

Except he never really did. He put his wedding ring back on his finger, and your picture stayed in the bed with him every single night.

Those divorce papers still on your nightstand, untouched since the night he signed them, which was weeks ago.

You hadn’t contacted him about it, and he definitely wasn’t going to contact you about it cause as long as those papers were safe with him in his eyes, you were still together. “Remember when we used to watch movies on the weekends?” He smiles, holding your picture in his hands while he sits on your side of the bed for the hundredth time this week. “When we used to go out every Sunday for breakfast at your favorite spot, and then we’d come home and just talk about nothing in particular, just enjoying each other's company while holding hands,” he sniffles softly, a teardrop falling from the tip of his nose and blurring the image of your face he quickly wiped it away afraid to ruin the only thing he had left of you. “I miss those days.” he wipes his tears only for more to take their place seconds later. “I hope you still have those days even if it’s not with me,” he whispers shakily. “I hope he gives you everything you deserve, and I hope he gives you everything I couldn’t.” he hugged the frame, rocking back and forth, trying to comfort himself. “I love you so much I love you so bad it hurts.” he closes his eyes, an endless stream of tears freely flowing from his puffy red eyes.

His moment gets interrupted by the loud ringing of his phone. He ignores it and lets the call go to his voicemail at least three times cause he didn’t want to talk to anyone but you right now, but apparently, he couldn’t even do that cause his phone wouldn’t stop ringing. “Hello?” He answers, his voice strained and weak.

“Is this heeseung?” He hears Jake’s confused voice over the line. Jake couldn’t even discern that it was him cause how different and drained he sounded.

“What do you need, Jake?” He doesn’t bother answering the question. He just wanted to end the call as quickly as possible so he could talk to you some more.

“Oh umm, it’s just work, you know? You haven’t been in for weeks, and the office is a mess without you.” Jake knows it’s selfish cause he knew heeseung and you were at odds, but at the same time, Heeseung hadn’t been in the office for nearly a month, and things were getting out of hand without him there.

“I see.” he ponders for a moment and supposes it is time to start going to work again, even though he really doesn’t want to. “Expect me tomorrow morning.”

“Thanks, I-“ Heeseung wasn’t trying to be rude, he really wasn’t, but right now, he needed to be left alone until he could get over the painful ache in his chest. He felt hollow without you, just a shell of a man. You were literally his other half, and to put it short, he couldn’t exist without you.

-

“Bye, love!” Heeseung says after straightening out his tie and kissing your picture one last time before heading out for the day.

Work was obviously shit. He hated every last second of it, but it did take his mind off you just a little bit. But every time it got quiet, it took every last ounce of strength for him to not to just break down in front of his co-workers. That’s why he was more than grateful when his shift had finally ended.

“Headed out now?” Jake tucks his hands in his pockets while heeseung just nods his head and puts his belongings away in his suitcase. “Me and Jay are going out, and you’re invited if you want to come?”

“Sure,” he replies while Jake takes a closer look at him. His eyes were sunken in frown lines on his face, and he looked thinner than usual. And not to be rude, but he didn’t even look like he had showered.

“So how are things with-“

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he answers immediately, already knowing what Jake was going to say. And he didn’t want to speak about it cause the moment he said it out loud, it would become all too real, and he wasn’t ready for that, not yet.

“Sorry, I asked.” heeseung just walks past him, giving him a small pat on the shoulder before he leaves his office.

-

Heeseung was an unhealthy amount of shots in. No matter how many times they told him to slow down, he didn’t. Even when he was pass-out drunk, he was still asking the bartender for another bottle.

“Hee, I think that’s enough.” Jake reached for the bottle to take it from him, but heeseung just took it back, pouring another shot.

“I’m good, I swear.” his words don’t match the look on his face as he swallows the liquor like it’s water.

“Geez,” Jay whispers under his breath. “You shouldn’t have invited him,” he elbows Jake on the shoulder.

“I know!” Jake whisper, shouts, eyes big and panicked.

Jake and Jay both had work in the morning, and neither of them felt like dealing with a drunk toddler who was now crying and screaming your name over and over again, gaining attention from everyone in the bar. “Get him out of here,” Jake said to Jay as he reached inside heeseung’s coat pocket and grabbed his phone, leafing through his contacts, hoping he had a friend that could come get him otherwise, the responsibility of his drunk friend would fall on his shoulders.

The first contact read “my angel,” which Jake assumed was you, his wife, and that probably wouldn’t be the best option right now. He looked through some more, and he saw his contact and Jay's contact information, which wasn’t gonna do any good right now. He scrolled further and saw he had his parents saved, and he was starting to lose hope because there was literally no one he could contact, but one name caught his eye. “Hoon,” he whispers. That sounds like a guy's name, and maybe he was a friend of his or something, so he dialed the number even though it was nearing midnight.

“Heeseung?” Sunghoon answers, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Uhh no, actually I’m a friend and co-worker of his, so he’s a little drunk right now, and I was wondering if you’d be able to help him home. It’s just I have work tomorrow, and normally I’d do it bu-“

“Where?” Is all Sunghoon says.

“I-I’ll text the address.” Jake barely even got to finish before the call had ended.

-

Twenty minutes later, Jake and Sunghoon made the exchange, and now heeseung was in the passenger seat of sunghoons car after a very awkward greeting outside at the bar.

The drive was silent except for Heeseung hiccuping every now and then. “S-sorry,” he mumbled, half out of it. “Y/n’s probably so worried about you.”

Sunghoon just shakes his head at his very stupid friend. It took him days to figure out why Heeseung abruptly walked out of his apartment, but he soon put two and two together when he saw your clothes on his bed, and he knew then and there heeseung got the wrong impression about what was going on but it was an accident when he did the laundry he got a few of your belongings as well nothing more nothing less besides you were like his little sister anyways.

She’s actually worried about you.

That’s what Sunghoon wanted to say, but when he thought about all the things you told him heeseung had done to you, he thought that heeseung didn’t deserve to know that you missed him. He thought heeseung deserved to know what it felt like to be in your shoes for once, so he kept his mouth shut and pulled into the driveway, helping heeseung to his house.

“You can go t-thanks for the ride.” heeseung tried to stand, but he would have fallen if it wasn’t for sunghoons help, and that made him feel even more helpless.

Sunghoon rolled his eyes and helped him upstairs. The living room was a complete disaster. Everything was a mess beer take-out boxes, dirty clothes, everything was dirty.

When they made it upstairs, sunghoon widened his eyes in shock. The only thing that was neat and clean was your side of the room, and his eyes couldn’t help but fall on the picture frame that was neatly tucked under the covers.

“Thanks, hoon. I think I can manage from here.” heeseung practically fell on his bed and grabbed his picture frame, so drunk that he didn’t even care that Sunghoon was there. He kissed the picture and passed out only seconds later.

When Sunghoon saw that, he was so torn between telling you and not telling you because what if you went back and heeseung treated you the same? Or what if you went back and heeseung treated you better?

It was all a mess, one that somehow landed on his shoulders, and he wasn’t even in the relationship.

Only time would tell how things would go.

Thanks for reading likes comments and reblogs are always appreciated sorry for any typos or errors I hope you all have a good day/night♥️

Permanent taglist:®• @hello-stranger24 @ashxsmoon @lhsggg @scarlet127 @bunhoons @axartia @kpopscruggles @badidealy @heeseungleeworld @jayroseyy @bangchanhasbigfeet @duolingofanaccount @oceanyocean @hee-in @heesgirl @bambisgirl @heeaddict @heartandfangs @nyxtwixx @iamliacamila @ramenoil @mimikittysblog

[builtbykittie]

Thirst

J.T.K x f!reader

Summary: you lose your friends at a party, the unfamiliar setting sending you into a panic. Giving up your search, you meet someone very peculiar...

Warnings: 18+, VAMP JAKE, mentions of alcohol, blood, portrayal of fear, injury & pain, blood feeding, SMUT, public sex, oral (f & m rec), fingering, orgasm denial, unprotected sex, choking, anything else I forgot

Words: 5.8k

A/N: happy Halloween to all that celebrate! In honor of one of my favorite times of the year, I give you a spooky Jake smut. Enjoy!

.

A chill creeps its way up your spine as the crisp October weather nips at your skin. "Can't tell which one it is can you?" You jest, shutting the car door behind you and staring at the large house decorated with countless Halloween props, loud music booming inside.

Your friends had plans to go to a party just outside of your city for Halloween. You originally said no but they inevitably convinced you. Apparently one of them knew the host of the party, but of course, you were still suspicious regardless of who knew who.

Large animatronics greet you on your way to the front door, anxiety settling in as you get a glimpse of everybody through the window. Suck it up. It's just a party, what's the worst that could happen?

If you're being honest with yourself, a lot could happen. It is Halloween, after all.

Going against all of your ethics, you walk through the door. Just as you expected there is not a single face you recognize and your group splits up, all going their separate ways. You knew you shouldn't have come.

Instant regret takes over your head and a lump forms in your throat. You can't leave because you didn't even take your car and you don't know anyone that could drive almost an hour just to come get you and drop you back off at your house. You decide a drink could be the best therapy right now.

As you walk through the main room, you lock eyes with a man leaning back against the wall, alone and observing the party. You watch as his tired eyes light up and he stands straight before you look away.

To your misfortune, the kitchen is completely crowded, you're unable to even see the counters. "Excuse me," you try your best to get past the crowd of people in costumes. After no one hears you, you say it again, then again.. and after trying over and over to get past everyone you realize it's no use. Why is nobody listening?

You grow frantic, scanning for any familiar faces. None. You ask countless people if they've seen your friends, giving them the best description you could possibly give, but to no avail. Finally giving up, you spot the patio door and make a beeline straight to it.

The second the cold air hits your skin goosebumps cover your body, nobody else in sight. Odd... Falling into the chair behind you, your eyes flutter shut. By the time you sit down, it's nearly 11:30 p.m. and you're undeniably tired.

You're not positive how much time has passed since you sat down, but you know it's time to get up once you find yourself dozing off. Looking into the party, you dread going back in, so you don't. Is it kinda crazy to be hopping a fence in a vampire dress at eleven at night? Absolutely. Do you care? Not even a little.

Silently thanking the universe that you learned how to hop a fence at a young age, you take your shoes off and throw them over the fence, stepping on the wire and hopping over. As you're getting over the fence, the wire snags your dress and cuts into the meat of your thigh.

The sudden pain causes you to fall over, luckily you hold your arms out to break the fall, but not without tiny rocks and sticks penetrating your skin. "Shit!" You cry, and shakily brush the dirt from your body, hot tears burning at your waterline as you put your shoes back on. This night truly cannot get any worse.

The sound of leaves cracking underneath footsteps interrupts your moment of self-pity, your head darting up faster than the blink of an eye. Your mind races, tears beginning to stream down your hot cheeks as you prepare for the worst.

A relatively shorter figure turns the corner to find you, curled up on the ground with blood trickling down your thigh. "Woah are you okay?" The stranger's low raspy voice speaks from where he stands, slowly stepping forward. "Um.. yeah," you nearly whisper, but the way your voice shakes and cracks proves that you're the opposite of okay.

"Please, let me help," he insists, still taking languid steps to make sure he doesn't startle you. All you can do is nod, accepting your fate. You're never one to trust a stranger, let alone a guy, but you're desperate.

He slowly extends his right arm, patiently holding it out for you. You take his hand, surprisingly calloused fingers holding tightly onto your wrist. "I'm Jacob," he softly grunts as he swiftly pulls you up "Well, Jake."

As you rise to your feet, his face becomes clearer, the moon shining just enough light for you to be able to scan his features. The same man you saw in the house earlier. The first thing you notice is his perfectly plump lips, then his sharp cheekbones, his eyebrows slightly knitted together in worry. The longer you look, the more you fall for him. You absolutely do not believe in love at first sight, but he might just be an exception.

However, you do notice something else. He looks sick.

You brush it off as makeup and pat yourself down "Thank you, I'm Y/N." Jake sends you a tight-lipped grin as you both begin to take steps forward "If you don't mind me asking, what happened?"

"Oh, it's stupid. My friends took me here but left me and I know nobody so I snuck out the back," you swipe away the tears from your cheeks and jawline. His eyebrows furrow and he brings his fingers to his chin "So how'd you get all... messy?" You feel his eyes linger on the large cut down your thigh, blood still trickling out.

"Well... I decided I didn't wanna go back in there, so I tried to hop the fence." A hushed chuckle leaves his lips and you start to realize just how dumb you sound, blood quickly rushing to your cheeks. "I know it's dumb I should've just gone through the house..." you trail off, bringing your cold scraped hands up to your hot face.

"Oh darling, I understand," he grasps the metal fence, opening it for you and placing his hand on the small of your back as he follows you out of the front yard. Darling. Replaying the word in your head, your tummy fills with butterflies fluttering around in your tummy. Knock it off. He's a stranger.

"Can you drive?" His hand never leaves its place on your back. "Considering the fact I didn't drink... I'd say yeah," you kick a rock as you both walk away from the house "but I don't have my car." Suddenly it grows eerily silent, and you become aware of a forest ahead. "Good."

"What?" You stop dead in your tracks, turning to face him. "Can I show you something?" He reaches out to grab your wrist, but you dodge. Fear courses through veins, you frantically look around, searching for anyone to be your knight in shining armor.

"Uh.. my friends are probably looking for me," you smile, hesitantly stepping back. "You sure? Because last time I was in there nobody knew who you were..." Jake steps closer to you, his eyes dark and pupils dilated.

Your own eyes widen as you look around you, without much thought you remove your heels and dart off into the woods.

You run and run until you absolutely cannot push yourself any further. Collapsing against a tree, you drop your heels, letting the tree hold your weight as you sob into your hands. For a minute, you believe you've lost him, struggling to catch your breath as sobs leave your body.

You're proven wrong as you hear the crunch of leaves beneath his boots. A sick, gut wrenching fear manifests it's way into your stomach, twisting your insides. Your heart races and tears flow from your eyes like melting wax on a burning candle. At this point, you're ready to give up.

Jake takes slow steps toward you, as he approaches, he brings his hand up to your waist. He firmly squeezes the meat of your waistline, shooting a sharp pain into your side as he pulls you into him. "Look at me," he demands, his voice low and raspy.

You listen, not just out of fear for your life, but also curiosity. Your eyes flick up to his, wide and fearful as they dart across his face. His other hand grabs your hair in a ponytail "I know you're scared baby, I don't blame you."

Silent sobs leave your body in a mix of fear, confusion, anger, and something else you can't quite put your finger on. Jake violently pulls your head to the side, revealing your neck to him "I'm not gonna hurt you, I don't want to. I promise."

You try your best to keep your crying unknown, but it's no use. Your chest bounces and choked noises escape from your lips. Jake lets go of your hair, both of his hands coming up to cup your cheeks. "Oh please, don't cry," he begs, cleaning up your smudged mascara before coming down to lick the tears from your face. Your brows furrow at the act, but you'd be dead lying if you said you didn't half enjoy it.

His face lingers near yours, your eyes darting all over his face. By now, you are strictly breathing in each other's breaths "Do you want to kiss me?" Your breath hitches in your throat at the question, his face inching even closer than before. It's as if your body is betraying you, you're unable to say anything even if you tried.

If you didn't want to, you'd pull away.

Finally, you manage to nod. A small tight-lipped smile plays on his lips "I have something first..." Confusion and anticipation swirl through your head, you quirk an eyebrow as you wait for what's next.

He doesn't speak, instead, bearing his teeth and dragging two pointed teeth along your lower lip. Your eyes widen and your heartbeat speeds to an impossible pace. There's no way.

Slowly and painfully he begins to sink them into the flesh of your red lips just far enough to create two beads of blood. You suck in a quick gasp as he licks the wounds before pressing his lips against yours. A tingly feeling becomes evident in your stomach and you find yourself oddly aroused by the situation.

"Holy shit. Jake. You're-" he cuts you off, his lips crashing against yours.

You lift your arms, grasping onto the back of his head and pushing him into you. The sting of his lips pressing against the fresh cuts on yours is so deliciously painful. Nothing about this is right.

His hands come up to grope your ass, eliciting a desperate whine into his mouth. You pull him even closer, letting him walk you backward into a tree, never breaking contact. The throb between your legs becomes unbearable as you bury your fingers into his scalp and Jake tugs on your hair.

"Y/N, there's a reason I chose you tonight," his hands sneak around your body, smoothing over the swell of your breasts. Jake groans as he feels your stiffened nipples under his palms. "Why's that?" You mutter, your voice hushed and sultry as your hands begin to wander all over his body, your lips pressed to his jawline.

"Because you were the most beautiful thing to walk through that door," he breathes, slotting a knee between your thighs and grasping your waist. You can't help but let out a tiny moan and pull his face towards you, desperately missing the contact. He pulls back, keeping you still against the tree by your waist "The moment I saw you I knew I'd have you." Jake's strength is unbelievable. You cannot move at all, you're all but squirming as you try to touch him.

"Do you want to fuck me, Y/N?"

The question shocks you and before you can think you begin to nod, then shake your head no, then you nod again. As you're granted his mouth on yours, you slip your tongue between his lips, dragging it over his teeth and pricking it on his canine's. Jake hums against your tongue, pulling away and wrapping one hand around your neck "I gotta hear you say it, darling." You swallow thickly against his neck, discomfort creeping up your throat as he gently squeezes.

"Yes," you whine, your fingers massaging his scalp as you try your hardest to kiss him "Please." He licks up your jawline and peppers kisses to the area. You snake your arm down to his abdomen and untuck his shirt, the tips of your fingers creeping up under the fabric.

He drops his hand and a sharp sting burns on your neck, sucking in a loud gasp and clamping your eyes shut as you realize he's biting you. The pain only lasts a few moments before he withdrawals from you, lapping at the wounds.

Suddenly he slaps your hand away from his torso and sinks down, dragging his calloused fingers down your bare thighs. "Jake what are you-" you're shushed, shock coursing through your veins as his hot breath fans over the deep cut on your thigh.

You throw your head back and let out a cry through gritted teeth in agony as he points his tongue, cleaning the blood from your wound.

"Shit! Jake, fuck," You wail, the pain numbing your body and your vision going blurry. After the blood is cleaned, Jake leans back and places kisses to each wound, a sharp pain shooting up your leg at each peck. "You're delicious, love," he praises "and I haven't even gotten to the best part."

A rush of exhilaration surges through your veins, your insides feeling as if they've just burst into flames. "Please," is all you can muster as Jake starts to draw a line of kisses up your thigh and then down the other. "Patience, love."

You roll your eyes dramatically and sigh, your head spinning as you wait for his next move. Jake continues to draw slow lines of pecks all over your legs as his hands find their place under the skirt of your dress. Your heart nearly jumps out of your chest once his cold fingers reach your panties, his hands resting just on top of your hips.

"You're such a good girl. Being so still and quiet for me," Jake speaks through kisses to your legs that are moving higher and higher by the second. You fight the urge to say something, instead letting him lead the way. At this point you're so wound up that just a slight touch to your heat might drive you mad.

His hands slide down, snagging on your thong and tugging them down. "Shit," Jake groans "Lace?" You can't see his face, but you know he's looking up to you, and your cheeks burn up.

"I- it's just- they're the only clean ones I had..." You stammer, tucking your hair away from your face. "Don't lie to me, baby," Jake smooths his hands over your thighs before bringing one up with a slap against your ass. "I'm not. I- I promise," you lie, chewing on your nails.

Jake simply ignores you, pulling your panties down to your ankles and hiking your dress up past your core.

"Oh baby, you just wanted your pretty little pussy to get a little attention tonight, huh?" He taunts you, bringing his thumb up to your slit and collecting juices. A breathy moan slips out of your lips, your hands involuntarily flying to his hair. Just that interaction alone was enough to make you squirm.

"Mhm..." you can't seem to lie any longer, as if he's forcing you to tell the truth. Jake lays a kiss on the very top of your clit, a shock of electricity flowing through your body. "Yeah, how long has it been since someone fucked you right?"

Just as you go to speak, a moan rips through your chest. Jake drags his fingers through your folds, spreading your arousal all over. "I don't- don't know," you whimper as you melt into his touch, throwing your head back into the tree behind you.

Jake continues to tease you, pressing featherlight kisses to your slit. "M'gonna fuck you so good baby," he speaks through kisses down your inner thigh "make you forget anybody you've had before me."

His words only make you ache even more, your clit crying out to be touched. "Then do it, Jake," you whine "please." You hear a low snicker below you, Jake snakes his hands up your thighs and squeezes rather harshly "beg."

"Please Jake, please touch me. Make me forget everyone who came before you. Make me yours, please," you pet his hair as you speak, so incredibly aroused you can't think of anything but Jake's body. "Atta girl," he whispers lowly, a groan rumbling out from his chest as he breathes over your throbbing cunt.

Jake brings himself incredibly close to your heat, at this point, you're so aroused it's almost painful. Jake begins to kitten lick your incredibly hard clit, and you fight the incredible urge to push his face into you. "So fucking wet," Jake groans, your arousal glistening in the moonlight. "Jake, please... I- I can't," you cry, unable to wait any longer.

Without warning, Jake sucks your clit into his mouth. "Oh- oh fuck," you throw your head back, involuntarily bucking your hips. The velvety feeling of his tongue swirling around your clit as he hums against you is pure pleasure. Just as you get used to his mouth on you, his fingers come up to toy with your entrance, a loud desperate moan tumbling out of your lips.

You're so focused on the pleasure, that you nearly forget that you're in the middle of a forest "Somebody's gonna hear you, baby.." Your head begins to spin once again as you imagine someone hearing you, finding yourself suddenly enjoying yourself even more. "Fuck. You're filthy," Jake speaks lowly with a grin just before continuing his attack on your clit, still just teasing your entrance.

The feeling of his calloused fingers toying with your weeping cunt as his tongue circles around your swollen clit draws you closer and closer to the edge. Your head hangs down as your arms instinctively fly to his head, gently pushing him into you. Jake fights against your hands, a weak whimper flying out of your mouth as he shoves two fingers into you.

"Don't do that," he nips at your thigh "Be a good girl and put your hands behind your back for me." His fingers never stop, viciously ramming up into you as he speaks. You do just as he commanded, reluctantly holding your hands behind your back and struggling to stay inconspicuous.

Jake starts to kitten lick your swollen clit, choked moans fall from your lips as you feel your orgasm approach. Your knees buckle and you writhe against him, his fingers curling up and hitting every single spot just right.

"Oh fuck- right there.. right there," you whine, squirming above him. Just then, he pulls his fingers from you and brings them to his mouth. You let out a cry at the loss of your approaching climax, watching in disbelief as he licks your juices clean from his hand. A guttural groan bubbles up from deep within his chest at the taste, and for a fleeting moment you swear you saw his eyes glow a dark crimson red.

"What the fuck?" You whine, your brows furrowed as he rises to his feet. Jake brings his face to your ear and licks at your neck, his hot breath feeling as if it's burning into your skin "I wanna make you fall apart. Wanna make you so fucking wet for me. I know what I'm doing, just trust me, baby."

You have no choice but to trust him, afraid that if you say something you'll be robbed of the perfect orgasm again. You don't know what to do, your heart pounding in anticipation as his lips drag along your neck. "I want you to take me," he whispers between heavy breaths "Take me right here. Like the fucking slut I know you are."

Your heart skips a beat and you hear your heartbeat in your ears "You're so fucking good. Touch me, darling. Do whatever you please with me." Your stomach flutters, your arms moving before you can even think about what you're doing.

Your fingers find his pants, tracing the hem with your index finger before slightly dipping it in. With your other arm, you pull him into you and smash your lips against his. Impatiently unzipping his pants, you push them down as soon as you get the chance.

You don't even try to hold back or act calm, you're finally getting what you so desperately want. Anticipation courses through your veins as your fingers dance along the hem of his boxers, a deep groan tumbling from his lips and into your mouth once you dip two fingers in.

Your cold fingers nearly burn against his skin, your other arm still wrapped around him and buried deep in the tresses of his hair. Finally, you manage to wrap your hand around him, a deep moan escaping your mouth as you feel him pulsate against you.

You push his boxers down, meeting his pants at his feet. Another deep groan rumbles up from his chest as his cock springs free, his tip brushing against the fabric of your dress. Without a second thought, you drop to your knees, your hands instantly coming up to fondle his base.

Jake sucks in a sharp breath, obviously very pleasantly surprised. The ache between your legs grows even more as you hold him in both of your hands. He has the most perfect cock. He's the perfect length and girth, more than enough to fill you up completely.

Knocking yourself out of the trance his cock has you in, you spit on his length and start to stroke him at a painfully slow pace. You'd get him back for earlier, for robbing you of what you needed so badly.

Jake's hips begin to buck into your hand as you continue that same pace from earlier, desperate groans bubbling up from his chest. "Fuck- I'm not stupid," Jake murmurs, sending another involuntary thrust of his hips into your hand.

You ignore his statement, a devilish smile playing on your lips as you begin to tug on him, your thumb brushing over his slit. Breathy moans flow freely from his mouth in a mix of frustration and pleasure. You come down to draw a line of kisses down his length, lifting him slightly to lick a stripe up to his tip from underneath.

You don't break contact with him, continuing to tease his tip with kisses and kitten licks all while stroking him as slow as you possibly can. You nearly break him, slight noises spewing from his mouth as he continues to fuck himself into your hand harder and sloppier.

That is until he digs his fingers into your scalp, grabbing a bunch of hair and pulling you back. Tears prick at your waterline as he begins to pull you up by your hair, a loud yelp slipping past your swollen lips. "You fucking whore," Jake growls, letting go of your hair and pulling you into him by your waist with an iron-clad grasp.

"Please," you whimper, taking the opportunity to grind your body against his. Without another word, he's flipping you around with a grunt and throwing you into the tree. You throw your arms out and catch yourself on the tree, your palms throbbing as you scrape them even more.

A moan rips through your chest and for some sick reason, you find yourself even more turned on than before, if it's possible. "Fuck, baby. You like that? Do you like being hurt?" Jake's upper body is flush against your back, a chill sneaking up your body as he whispers in your ear.

You've never considered yourself a masochist, let alone someone who enjoys pain in general, but for Jake, you might be. Before you can fully process the question, you frantically nod your head. Jake presses his palm against your back, pushing you down and forcing you to bend over.

Your back arches slightly, allowing yourself to put on a show for him as you swivel your hips. The anticipation is too much, the feeling of his rough hands hiking up your dress and smoothing over your ass sending you into a frenzy. "You wanna be fucked so bad don't you pretty?" He slaps your ass, the other hand coming around your body and finding your heat.

"You're so fucking wet for me," Jake snarls, bending slightly to whisper in your ear. "M'gonna make you mine," his voice is low and gravely, a whine leaving your lips at the statement.

You hang your head as you wait, the throb between your legs becoming impossible to ignore. Jake's hand is still toying with your soaked pussy, his rough fingers running through your incredibly slick folds. "Jacob..."

"What is it?" He knows exactly what you want, simply just teasing to worsen your suffering. "Jake please," you whimper, trying your very best to keep calm "Make me yours." You hear a deep snicker from behind you, a shock of electricity flowing through your body as he begins to drag his tip through your cunt.

You push yourself back onto him, not at all expecting him to push into you. "Oh fuck," you cry, feeling every inch of him as he so deliciously stretches you out. "Shit- you feel so fucking good," he snarls, his hips faltering slightly as he begins to find the perfect rhythm.

Jake's hand comes in contact with your clit, sending your head flying back with a string of hushed curses at the feeling. He doesn't hold back, the skin of his thighs clashing with the backs of yours, the hand not toying with your sensitive clit slapping your ass before returning to its place on your hip.

The pattern Jake has set is so rough yet so sweet. His hips roll as they thrust into you relentlessly while his other hand babies your swollen bud. "Do you like this?" Jake grunts, punctuating each word with an intoxicating thrust.

"Like- fuck- like what?" You stutter, pushing yourself with your hands to fuck yourself back onto him even harder. "Being treated like a slut out here in the open," he growls "Anyone can walk in and see us. Anyone can hear you moan for me like a little whore."

His words mixed with the rhythm of his hips and the way his fingers dance along your clit elicit sick noises you didn't even know you could make. "Mhm..." You moan, clawing at the bark of the tree to keep yourself as quiet as possible.

"Tell me how much you love it, darling," he rasps, and you can tell it's getting harder for him to form sentences. The hand at your hip finds its way to your neck, squeezing ever so gently and pulling you up into him.

You fail to form a sentence, his hand squeezing harder than before "go on, say it." All that comes out as you open your mouth is a pathetic squeal, bringing one hand off the tree to grasp the wrist around your throat.

"I love it, Jake," a cry of pleasure falling past your lips as he delivers a particularly sharp thrust into you "It's so fucking hot." His cock lit the embers deep within you, a fire sparking in your core as he buries himself so far inside you.

His hand keeps its grip around your throat, the other still teasing your clit. "Oh, fuck!" You nearly shout, your thighs aching as you continue to fuck yourself onto him every chance you get. "You're a noisy little thing aren't you?" Jake grunts with every thrust, his hips beginning to falter.

You respond with an involuntary high-pitched moan, rolling your hips against his fingers. The fire inside you grows, flames dancing throughout your body and spreading to every limb. It's clear he loved to hear you, fucking harder into you with every peep from your mouth.

It felt almost as if he was made for you. As if he'd fucked you a thousand times before. You don't know if you could live without it after tonight.

Your eyes rolled back into your head, choked moans and squeals flowing freely from your lips. "You're so fucking hot," Jake rasps "so fucking warm and tight around my cock baby."

At this point you know you won't last much longer, the fire burning inside you beginning to violently dance around every inch of your body and the coil in your tummy tightening. "Jake I'm gonna-" you interrupt yourself with a near shriek, completely blocking out your surroundings and focusing on nothing but Jake.

"You gonna cum, pretty? You gonna make a mess all over my cock?" He struggles to get the sentence out, his cock ramming so far into you it's nearly touching your cervix. "Yes. I'm so close..." It's getting harder and harder for you to breathe, Jake's hand keeping still against your throat.

"Fuck- cum for me, baby. C'mon," Jake coos, his hand rubbing rough, merciless circles into your clit as his cock hits a sweet spot with each and every thrust.

He feels like pure heaven, the sinful way he fucks so hard into you driving you straight to the edge. Your eyes clamp shut as you feel your orgasm creep up "fuck! Oh my god, fuck me." Suddenly, like harsh waves crashing against a shore, your orgasm fully takes over.

"That's it, baby. Fuck. Cum for me, just like that," Jake groans, delivering one final sharp thrust before his hot release spurts into you, painting your walls in ivory slick.

Jake's got you reduced to nothing but a whimpering, panting mess, and you love it.

It takes you a moment to come back to earth, Jake's cock still buried deep inside you. "You're such a good girl," his hands leave their place, coming to rest on the swell of your ass. You try to respond, but nothing comes out.

Jake lifts a hand and forces it down against your ass, the pads of his fingers massaging the supple flesh. A loud yelp flies last your lips at the contact, your body jutting forward.

"M'gonna pull out, okay?" He smooths his hand over the red skin of the back of your thighs, soothing the sting. You manage to mumble out an 'okay', clamping your eyes shut and practically holding your breath.

Sucking in a hiss, he pulls out, juices immediately dripping down your thigh. His hands grasp your waist, spinning you around to face him. "Touch yourself. Clean yourself up for me."

Your eyes blow wide at the command, but you do as he says anyway. Your clit is still wildly overstimulated, a whimper leaving your mouth at the slightest touch. You collect juices with your fingers, painfully spreading them all around your core.

"Jake I- I can't," you whine, your knees buckling as you press your fingers against your clit, your other arm grasping at the back of his neck for support. "Yes, you can. C'mon, be a good little slut," he presses, coming down to lay open-mouth kisses against your neck.

A cry leaves your lips, that same fire sparking again as you shove two fingers inside your entrance. Jake grabs your arm, pulling your fingers from yourself and bringing it to his lips. Slowly, he takes them into his mouth, his saliva cleaning the juices completely off your fingers.

"So fucking good. Now get on your knees," Jake demands "lick it off."

Again, you do as he says, sinking to your knees and grasping the base of his cock. You drag your tongue along his length from base to tip, licking every inch and making sure you got every last drop. "Atta girl."

Jake slowly helps you up, pressing your back against the tree and smashing his lips against yours. "Does it taste good baby?" Jake growls between kisses, massaging his fingers into your scalp. "Mhm," you whine, your arms wrapping around his body before he pulls back completely.

The two of you simply just look into each other's faces, breathing in the sweet taste and smell of sex that lingers in the air. "Let me take you home."

You simply just nod, Jake pulling his clothes back on as you grab your heels and slide your damp panties off your body. "So.. how does this work?"

"What?" Jake looks to you as the two of you begin walking back to the party.

"The whole... Vampire.. thing..." You trail off, looking down at the leaves crunching beneath both of your feet. You hear him chuckle to himself, amused by your curiosity.

"Y'know it's crazy how much people get wrong," he takes your hand in his "it's not a big deal, really. But if I go too long without specific needs, it could hurt me."

The two of you reach the entrance of the forest, street lights flickering along the road. When you look at him, he looks a lot more alive, significantly less tired and sick than earlier. "So... what, you feed with blood? That's kinda.. basic."

"Something like that, yeah. That and sex, basically," Jake laughs through his words, inching closer and closer to the party. "Sex?" You giggle, looking at him. "Yeah.. is something wrong with that?"

The two of you reach his car "No... I just didn't expect it." Jake opens the door for you, letting you slip in before shutting it and rounding the car to get in the driver's side.

"It's basically like.. energy feeding? It's hard to explain."

---

"So you don't turn to dust in the sunlight?" You both laugh. "No. I don't even know where that came from.."

Jake's car slows to a stop "This it?" Apparently, you'd lost track of time because as you look out your window, you see your house. "Mhm," you get out of the car, walking up to the steps of your home and letting Jake meet you there.

He pulls you into a kiss "I hope you had fun tonight, darling." A large smile finds its way on your face "I did."

"Hey, uh... How can I see you again?"

"I was hoping you'd say that." Jake reaches into his back pocket, pulling out a piece of paper with his number already on it, and holding it out to you with a smile "Call me when you get lonely."

.

.

.

[callsign-magnolia]

Undiagnosed // Ch. 16

MATURE CONTENT 18+

Jake Seresin x Neurodivergent OC

Summary: Katie Blair grew up trying to be the perfect daughter. She always struggled to be the prim and proper little girl her parents wanted. Big personality as a kid, but now at 25, she's the shy admiral's daughter who just keeps her head down and tries to get through law school. So what happens when she's had enough and with help from a certain Lieutenant, she gets out.

Warnings: Emotional abuse, trauma response, abusive parents, smut.

Word Count: 7.4k

Chapter 15 | Masterlist

I squeezed my eyes tightly as I registered light behind my eyelids. It hurt. I placed my hand over my eyes and my throat grew tight at the movement, nausea hitting me like a runaway train. I took a deep breath, hoping to ease it. My head throbbed and I questioned if I was dying. I surely feel like it. I slowly sat up on my elbows, wrenching my eyes open. The light stung but I looked down, realizing I was still in my clothes from last night and on top of my covers. I went to roll over onto my back but stopped. I was gonna be majorly sick. I jumped up slamming into my door before throwing it open and rushing over to the bathroom. I fell to my knees before throwing up everything in my system. My abdominal muscles ached by the time I was done, and I sat back against the tub. Once I regained my strength I stood on shaky legs and got in the shower, taking my toothbrush and toothpaste with me. I felt so much better after my shower but I forgot my clothes. So I peaked my head out of the bathroom and sprinted across the hall when I saw it was clear. 

I got dressed in some soft shorts and a tank top before slowly making my way downstairs. Jake was sitting on the couch intently watching sports highlights on the tv as I made my way to the kitchen. I pulled out some leftover biscuits that Jake made yesterday as well as some sausage and gravy. Hopefully the food and some water will make me feel better. While my food was heating up, I took some tylenol with a lot of water. “Mornin’.” I turned to find Jake in the doorway. His voice was quiet, which was odd for him. Usually he’s more excited to greet me. “Good morning.” I was a little quiet myself but that’s just because I was worried if I was louder I’d make my head hurt more. The microwave went off and I pulled my food out and set it on the island. “Can… can we talk about last night?” Jake asked and I raised a brow. “I mean, I know I was drunk. I really shouldn’t have driven home. I’m sorry if I disturbed you when I came in.” I said, taking a bite of the biscuit. “That’s not what I want to talk about, Katie.” I looked up at him confused when an image flashed through my head. Me on my knees in front of him. I gasped, turning and facing away from him. “Oh my god.” I whispered to myself. “Katie-” I cut him off as tears streamed down my cheeks. I rushed past him and up the stairs to my room, slamming the door shut behind me. I can’t believe I did that! And he wanted to talk about it? Probably to tell me to leave.

No man will ever want you. My mother’s voice. I had to get her out of my head. God he probably thought I was desperate. You’re a whore. I could scream. “Get out of my head.” I sunk down the door, gripping my head. A knock on the door startled me and pulled me out of my head. “Katie?” What do I do? What do I say? Another knock. “Katie please.” He sounded worried. But I couldn’t face him. I couldn’t look at him. “Go… go away.” It took a second to muster up the words. “Katie-” “Jake,” My voice broke as tears streamed down my cheeks. “Please.” Silence filled the space for what felt like hours, but in reality was probably a minute. I heard movement before he spoke again. “Your food is out here.” He said, his voice low and gentle before I heard him walk away. I sat there for a few minutes, making sure he really was gone and not worried if my food got cold, before gently turning the knob, hoping it wouldn’t make a sound and cracking the door open. 

I looked around like a frightened animal, ensuring he was nowhere to be seen before snatching the plate and closing my door. I wouldn’t have worried about the food, would’ve left it downstairs completely had it not been for this god awful hangover. Tears fell into my food, but I didn’t care. I shouldn’t be crying. I did this to myself. You can’t cry about things you brought on yourself. Once I was done I attempted to read ahead in my text book and look over the notes for monday, that way I would be ahead, but I didn’t get far. I still felt like shit so I took a nap. I woke up to a single knock on my door and retreating footsteps. I gave it a minute and opened the door to find two water bottles. I grabbed them both and went back to studying. Once I heard the shower in Jake’s bathroom cut on, I left my room. I took the plate downstairs, washing my dishes, grabbing more water and rushed back upstairs. Jake never took long showers and I didn’t want him to catch me out of my room. Once I was back in my room I decided I was done studying and picked up a book, deciding I'd be better off losing myself to a fictional world. I don’t know how long I was reading for when a knock sounded on my door. “I’m going to bed.” He waited for an answer but his voice made tears come to my eyes. He sighed. “Goodnight, Katie.” It was quiet and I wanted to speak up but I couldn’t. I finally found my voice as I heard him walking away. “Goodnight Jake.” I don’t know if he heard me, but I hope he did.

The next day Jake was gone before I got up like usual, seeing as he has to be on base by six a.m. I went through the day feeling queasy, worrying about seeing him when I got home. Annie and Brook tried to make me feel better but it didn’t do much. So I drove home, preoccupied by driving. Who knew having to actually focus on shifting gears would be such a great distraction. But when I pulled into the driveway I felt sick to my stomach. I walked inside, rushing past Jake as he came out of the kitchen before he could stop me. That’s how the rest of the week went. I couldn’t look him in the eye after what I did. I felt mortified, even if he did seem to enjoy it. He didn’t ask me to do it, but he also didn’t stop me. Part of me hated myself and the other part of me was proud. Proud that I was so bold. I was never bold or brave. But the negative outweighed the good when it came to my emotions. 

Come Thursday I hadn’t spoken to Jake except through text and even then I kept it short. I pulled into the driveway after a long study session with Brooke and Annie and saw the Bronco in the driveway. I huffed and got out, hoping I could slip by. When I walked in, it was quiet and I peaked around the corner and looked out the back door. I saw Jake, Bradley and Natasha sitting out on the back deck. I took the opportunity and ran past and up the stairs to my room. I let out a sigh of relief once I shut my bedroom door, leaning on it. I stripped out of my scrubs and slid into some black shorts and the sweatshirt Jake let me borrow a few weeks ago. It still smelled like him, faintly, but it did. I pulled my hair up into a claw clip and sat down on my neatly made bed, spreading my papers out around me. I anticipated a knock and it only took ten minutes for the first one. I frowned, staring at the door. “Can I come in?” It was Natasha. But I wasn’t sure that made me feel any better. “Yeah.” My voice cracked and I turned my attention back to highlighting. 

I heard the door close but she just stood there. “You okay?” Why is it that when someone asks that, that’s the breaking point? The question always brings tears to my eyes. Tears brimmed my eyes before they spilled over, dotting my paper. “Shit.” I muttered, wiping my eyes. Natasha walked over, sitting on a clean spot on my bed and moving my paper so it wouldn’t get wet. “What’s wrong?” Her voice was sweet, concern lacing her tone. My bottom lip wobbled and I looked up to the ceiling, taking a deep breath. “Katie? What’s going on?” She asked, grabbing my hand. “I fucked up.” I whispered, shrugging my shoulders. “Plain and simple.” I sniffled, meeting her eyes. “That doesn’t tell me what happened.” How do I say this? If this was an exciting girl talk, I’d tell her what I did and we’d squeal like school girls. “I-” I opened my mouth to speak but couldn’t find the words. “I did something. When I came home from drinking wine with you and Bradley.” She raised a brow and I met her eyes. “I was drunk. And when I came in I caught him…” I felt weird saying it. “I caught him jerking off.” I spat out and she sputtered. “You caught him?” I nodded. “And he moaned my name.” Her eyes were going to fall out of her head. I swear! “You sure?” I nodded. “So, I walked over and- and-” “Take your time.” She said, adjusting her position on the bed so she was facing me. “I got on my knees.” She seemed to understand and her face fell. “Oh, Katie.” She said. “He didn’t ask me to do it. But he didn’t stop me. He even encouraged it at one point.” 

“I told him, ‘You fantasize about me between your legs. I fantasize about your cock on my tongue.’ If I was in my right mind I probably would’ve never said that!” I threw my hands around and she grabbed them. “So you’re embarrassed?” I shrugged. “Yes and… I don’t know. I feel like I violated him in some way. When he wanted to talk about it the next morning, I’m pretty sure he was gonna kick me out.” Natasha shook her head. “He wouldn’t kick you out. But that is big Katie and you need to talk to him.” I shook my head. “I can’t even look him in the eye!” She nodded, calming me down. “I know. But he called Rooster and I over here because he thinks he did something wrong. He thinks he hurt you! He hasn’t even been right in the air.” That scared me. Not only that he’s not in the right state of mind when he goes up, but because he thought he hurt me. “Katie. He genuinely cares for you and not just in a friendly way, he likes you. You need to talk to him.” I knew she was right, but I was practically shaking at the thought of speaking to him. “You’re sure he’s not angry in any way?” She nodded. “Positive. He’s worried, Katie.” I took a deep breath, hoping to soothe the nerves in my belly. “Want me to send him in here?” I sat stock still for a moment before I gave her a single nod. “Okay. Rooster and I are probably about to leave. But if you want to talk after, call me.” I nodded and she squeezed my hand before disappearing downstairs. My face fell to my hands, the pressure helping my anxiety. 

It was a few minutes before there was a knock on my door. I took a deep breath attempting to calm myself. “Come in.” I said, my voice shaky. The door opened and I finally looked up at him. His hair was messed up, not styled perfectly like usual. He had dark rings under his eyes and he genuinely looked exhausted. I felt awful. “Can we talk?” I asked and he nodded, closing the door behind himself before he sat down on the edge of my bed. “Jake I-” “Please, let me go first.” He said and I stared at him for a second before nodding. “Katie I- I don’t know what I did wrong. What I did to make you shut me out but I’m sorry.” I shook my head but he kept going. “I never wanted to hurt you. God, I never should’ve told you that we should forget about that kiss! We wouldn’t have this mess between us if I hadn’t said to pretend it didn’t happen!” He said, getting angry and standing. “Jake.” I said sternly and he turned and looked at me. 

“You shouldn’t say things just because you think that’s what I want to hear.” I stood as well, stopping just in front of him. “You didn’t do anything, and I should be the one apologizing to you. I never should’ve done what I did last Saturday. I was drunk and when I remembered the next morning you were looking at me like you didn’t want me to and I shouldn’t have-” “Now wait a minute.” He cut me off. “Katie, if I didn’t want you to do that I wouldn’t have let you.” He was standing right in front of me, so close I could see the flecks of hazel around his irises. “What?” I muttered. “I shouldn’t have let you do it after you had been drinking. But god, I couldn’t resist.” His hand came up, resting on my cheek and I couldn’t help but nuzzle into it as I looked up at him. “You were right, I had been fantasizing about you. I have been for months now. But I couldn’t make a move. Not while you were finally healing and figuring out your life.” I couldn’t help but reach out, gently grabbing his shirt, rubbing the soft material between my fingers to keep myself grounded. “But I couldn’t bring myself to tell you no when I should have.” I raised a brow as his thumb ran across my cheek. “So… you’re saying you liked it?” I asked and there was a pregnant silence between us. He nodded. “Every bit. When I held you in my lap your first night here, running my fingers through your hair. Kissing you. Fuck I loved that part.” His forehead was resting against mine and the heat of the moment caught up to me. 

“I have feelings for you.” I spoke quickly and closed my eyes, once again not able to look at him. I expected him to let go of me, to step back. But I was shocked to feel lips, softly pressing against mine. It was sweet and short before Jake pulled away. “I have feelings for you too, Katie.” I could’ve squealed, tossed myself into his arms but I didn’t. “Jake?” I asked and he hummed, meeting my eyes. “I-I want more than just a friendship out of this. But I think I need to focus on school a little more. This is only my second week and I haven’t even had my first exam yet.” He gave a light chuckle. “Just give me some time?” He just smiled. “You can have all the time in the world, darlin’.” He pulled back but I reached up and grabbed his shirt. “But a few kisses here and there won’t hurt.” I said before pulling him closer. His hands fell to my hips as mine slid over his shoulders. Our lips connected and this one was also sweet. I couldn’t help but smile into it. We pulled away and he stared down at me. “Please go to this ball with me?” My face fell and I sighed. “Jake-” “There will not be a single person there that would tell your parents where you are.” I huffed, looking up at him, his hands resting on my cheeks. “I’ll think about it.” He pursed his lips and was about to argue when I stopped him. “That’s the best you’re gonna get from me today.”

He took that as his sign to quit while he was ahead and he just chuckled. “Okay. Want me to make dinner?” He asked. “Hmm, I’m actually feeling chinese.” I said and he chuckled. “Okay. I’ll order your favorite.” He turned for the door and I stopped him. “Jake?” He turned to me, eyebrows raised. “Are we good?” I asked and he just smiled. He stepped closer, pecking my lips before grinning at me. “We’re very good.” With that he walked out of the room. He gently shut the door and as soon as I heard him descend the stairs I let out a quiet squeal, dancing around before I dove face first onto my bed, kicking my legs as I screamed into my pillow. Once I was done, I took a few minutes to calm down and finished up the page of notes I was working on and headed downstairs just as the doorbell rang. Jake opened the door and took the food as I grabbed a water from the fridge. I expected him to set the food on the table but he didn’t. 

I furrowed my brows and looked towards the living room to see him setting the food on the coffee table. “We eating in here?” I asked, walking closer. “I thought we could. Tha tokay?” He asked and I nodded. I sat next to him and he handed me my sesame chicken and a veggie spring roll. “God this smells great.” I moaned, leaning back into the cushions and pulling my feet up. But I was caught off guard when Jake grabbed my ankles, pulling me closer till my thighs rested over his. Then he grabbed his own food, resting it on my legs. “Do I look like a table?” I asked, leaning closer and raising a brow. “No. But if you were, you'd be the prettiest table I ever saw.” I couldn’t help but laugh, loudly. I had to set my food down as I threw my head back and soon, Jake laughed with me. “That was so cheesy Seresin!” I said through my laughter. He just shrugged. “But it got you to laugh,” He leaned forward, kissing me softly. “And I love that sound.” I took a deep breath before smiling at him and grabbing my food. “I have feelings for him, but if he keeps this up I’ll be in love with him before I know it.

“So? Are you two in a relationship?” Annie asked as we walked into class after lunch. I had just told her and Brook about how Jake and I made up and our confessions. “No.” They both hit me with ‘WHY NOT?!’ and I jumped, not expecting such loud voices in my ear. “I think I need to prioritize school first. I can already see signs of struggle in my grades.” “Well we can help you!” Brook said excitedly and Annie nodded. “I will take the help, but I still think I’m gonna wait.” They both groaned and I chuckled. “I did tell him a few kisses in between would be nice though.” They both squealed, grabbing my arms. “Okay, we’ll study at your house.” Annie said and Brook nodded. “I’ll set up the jeopardy! We’ll make it a game! I’ll bring the wine!” She said and they were both so excited I couldn’t help but agree. “I can make a charcuterie board.” I suggested and they nodded. “I love charcuterie!” Annie said. “Okay, How does Friday sound?” I asked and they nodded as we walked into our classroom. I just stopped and realized, I hadn’t asked Jake yet. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind but I still felt bad. I’ll ask as soon as I get home. 

At the end of the day when I got home Jake was shirtless, mowing the front lawn. I sat in my truck, biting my lip as I watched the muscles of his back contract. “Bark bark.” I muttered to myself. I got out just as he turned to mow towards me. He saw me as I walked in front of my truck and waved before turning off the lawnmower. He was dripping sweat as he walked closer and I couldn’t help but stare as the hot sun gleamed off his tan skin. “Hey, darlin’.” He said with a wide smile before leaning in and kissing me. As he pulled back I stared at him in surprise. “What? Should I have not done that?” He asked and I cleared my throat, shaking my head. “No, it’s fine. It just surprised me. I know I said a few kisses here and there, I just expected you to do it a lot less often.” He nodded. “I’ll back off then.” He turned and I grabbed his arm, my hand not able to close around the bulging bicep. “No.” I said and he raised a brow at me. “I am perfectly fine with all of the kisses. I will happily take them all.” I said, tossing my arms around his neck. 

He smiled, grabbing my waist and pulling me flush against him before kissing me again. His lips molded against mine and my fingers played with the hair at the base of his neck. Once we pulled away he smiled before kissing my forehead and letting me go. “I’ll start dinner once I’m done.” He said and I shook my head. “Don’t worry, I’ll do it.” He just nodded knowing an argument would be futile. “Oh, Jake?” I asked before he got too far. He turned to me, humming. “Can I have some friends over to study on Friday? You can hang around. I’m gonna do a charcuterie board and Brook is gonna bring wine.” He immediately nodded. “You don’t have to ask me, darlin’. You live here too. We’ll go to the store tomorrow and get you everything you need.” I nodded. “Thank you!” I sang before going inside to change out of my now sweat covered scrubs. After my shower I went downstairs to start dinner. Jake had now moved to the back yard and I could tell he was sweating profusely. He’ll want a shower before dinner, I know that much. So I kept dinner simple. Chicken and I grilled some vegetables before doing some baked potatoes to go with it. 

I heard the back door slide open and he took a deep breath before letting it out loudly. “You okay?” I asked, walking over with some water and handing it to him. “I hate mowing the grass.” He said, looking down at me with a grin. I felt bad for him having to do something that he hates so much. “Oh, I can do it. I don’t want you doing something you hate so much.” I told him, pointing out to the shed in the backyard that held the lawnmower. He just chuckled, fingers gently gripping my chin and turned me to face him. “You’re so sweet.” He slowly leaned down, gently pressing his lips to mine before pulling back just an inch. “But I couldn’t let my pretty girl get all sweaty and dirty doing yard work.” I raised a brow, about to smart off to him when he stopped me. “Don’t get me wrong. You’re fully capable of doing it.” He leaned in close, sweaty body pressed against mine. I already showered, but God, I didn’t want him to step away. I was surprised by how good he smelled, so much so I wanted to run my tongue up the divot that sat between his abs. “But I think I’d rather see you sitting pretty on the back deck, bikini top untied, tanning.” I giggled, practically preening into him. “Really?” I laughed out. He grinned at me, kissing me again. “God, you’re gorgeous.” He whispered against my lips. “Okay. Go shower.” I said, pushing him away gently and he pouted. “Really?” He asked and I nodded. “Yes, because if you don’t, I’m jumping your bones.” I said before walking back into the kitchen, leaving him standing there. 

Come Friday the sexual tension between us had built up, leading to a few heated makeout sessions but he stopped every time. It was so frustrating I could cry. I had just finished the charcuterie board and set it on the coffee table as the doorbell rang. “I got it!” Jake rushed by me, the wind off his body shifting my hair around as he blew by. “Ladies!” He greeted s he opened the door. Brook, ever the social one, yanked him into a bone crushing hug. “Good to meet ya!” She said and when she let Jake go his eyes were wide like he was shocked. Brook was tall, around five foot ten, she was more built, spending a lot of free time in the gym. Annie was petite and a little more reserved, so she just gave Jake a big smile and waved as he let her in. “The food looks so good.” Brook said as she walked over. Jake took the wine bottle as Brook and Annie joined me by the couch. “I’ll grab some glasses for you ladies and a beer for myself then we’ll get started!” He said, walking towards the kitchen. “You’re staying?” I asked and he nodded. “Y’all turned it into a game. Figure I’ll be your host for the evening.” With that he disappeared into the kitchen. 

“That’s Jake?!” Annie whispered to me and I nodded with a grin. “He’s hot.” Brook said, not bothering to whisper. “I know.” I whispered, sitting back on the couch. “Okay! I got the glasses!” Jake carefully set the three wine glasses down before opening the bottle and pouring it. “Here you go.” He handed Brook and Annie their glasses first before handing me mine. “Here you go, darlin’.” I blushed slightly as he handed me my glass. “Okay. Let’s get this going!” Brook pulled out her laptop and pulled up the game and cast it onto the tv. “Who wants to go first?” Jake asked and both Brook and Annie pointed to me. “Katie!” They both yelled and I groaned. “What’ll it be, darlin’?” I stared at the columns for a minute. “Urinary Systems.” I said and he raised a brow. “For?” He asked, smirking at me. I chuckled before glancing at the tv again. “Urinary Systems for four hundred Alex!” He just chuckled and selected it. “Just call me Hangman, ladies.” He cleared his throat before reading the question. “The outer layer of the kidney is the what?” He looked to me and Annie pulled out her phone, playing the Jeopardy theme. “Oh my god.” I groaned. I thought about it for a minute, but I was so confused. I knew it was one of two things but I couldn’t remember which was which. “Um, Cortex?” He made a buzzer noise. “That is wrong! You didn’t word the answer correctly.” He grinned at me and I glared. “Really?” I asked and he shrugged.

“If you’re gonna play the game, you’re gonna play it right.” I huffed, sipping my wine. “Fine. What is the cortex?” I asked. “Correct!” He announced. The rest of the game went by and we were really just having fun. “Last one Brook.” Jake said. “I’ll take arteries of the lower extremities for a thousand, Hangman!” She said loudly and he selected it. “What is the name of a series of arteries which supply the blood to knee joints?” Jake asked, sounding confused as he finished the question. Brook and Annie went easy on the wine, seeing as they had to go home, but I indulged. I was pretty tipsy and I could tell because my vision moved slower than my body. I whipped my head to my left to look at Brook and it took a second for my vision to catch up and register the side of her face. “The Genicular artery!” She yelled immediately and upon hearing she got it right we all broke out into squeals. Brook and Annie really knew their stuff, but this really showed my weak areas, which Annie wrote down. Brook chugged the last of her wine before turning to us. “We should do this before every exam.” She said and Annie and I agreed. “I’m down.” Jake said, raising his hand as he closed Brooks laptop and handed it back to her. 

It didn’t take long for us to clean up, the charcuterie board was picked clean. Finally, we were saying goodbye to Brook and Annie, watching them walk out to their cars and once they were in, Jake shut the door. I turned, leaning my back against the door, looking up at Jake. “Oh, don’t look at me like that.” He whispered, stepping closer. He gently grabbed my chin between his thumb and pointer finger, looking down at me as he stepped closer. His cologne invaded my senses and I easily could’ve climbed him like a tree but I held back. “Look at you like what?” I asked, reaching out and gently sliding my hands under his t-shirt. I felt him shiver and his abdominals contract as I did it. “Like you want me to kiss you.” He whispered and I grinned. “Would it be that bad if I really wanted you to?” I pulled my hands out from under his shirt and wrapped my arms around his neck, forcing him to let go of my chin and wrap his arms around my waist. “No cause I wanna kiss you.” 

He leaned down and his lips met mine. There was a fire behind it and I felt it as his tongue tangled with my own. I moaned as he pulled me flush against him and my fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck. His hands slid from my waist, over my ass and gave a soft squeeze before he grabbed the backs of my thighs and I jumped, wrapping my legs around his waist. “Fuck.” He muttered as I kissed along his jaw before licking the spot just under his ear. He walked us over to the couch and he tossed me onto it before climbing over me, his lips capturing mine again. I spread my legs for him, allowing him to settle between them as he grabbed my wrists, pinning them by my head. “Shit.” I moaned out, feeling just how hard he was as he started grinding his hips into mine. “Jake.” I whined, reaching for his back and tugging on his shirt. This was normally where he stops me but he sat up this time, allowing me to tug his shirt off and toss it to the floor somewhere. 

He grinned down at me as he sat on his knees and I sat up, running my hands up his abs, occasionally letting my nails skim his skin. I was eye level with his crotch and I tilted my chin up, licking up to his navel before I unbuttoned his shorts. His cock was straining against the black material of his boxers and I couldn’t help but tug his waist band down just enough to lick his weeping tip. “Katie.” He sighed, pulling away and standing next to the couch. I huffed, falling back onto the couch. “I know. We shouldn’t.” I stared up at the ceiling and he sighed, leaning over me. “It’s not that I don’t want you, darlin’.” I scoffed. “Then what the hell is keeping you from having sex with me?” I asked and he just stayed quiet. “Whatever.” I muttered before getting up and making my way upstairs. If he doesn’t want me now, I’ll make it hard as hell to resist. I smiled to myself, an idea forming in my head. I went into my room, shutting the door and rushing over to my closet. I reached onto the wire rack at the top and pulled down a pair of denim shorts Nat had bought me. I didn’t wear them because they were just a smidge too short but I knew I just had to break them out tomorrow. 

The next day around noon I changed into the shorts and a black bikini top. I grabbed the sunscreen, a book and filled a cup with water before walking out onto the back deck. Jake was shirtless and cutting back some limbs and trimming a few bushes by the back fence. He stopped when I walked out, watching me sit on the lounge chair he had out here. I waved and gave him a wide smile before putting the sunscreen on. No man is gonna be turned on by lobster red skin. When it came time to get my back I tried to reach but I couldn’t. “Need some help?” He asked, just as I planned. He walked up the stairs, pulling off his work gloves, the sweat dripping down his body from the southern California heat. “If you don’t mind.” I flashed him a smile as I crossed my legs at the knee, leaning back on my palm as I held out the bottle of coconut sunscreen. He eyed me but gave me a small smile before taking the bottle and sitting in the chair behind me. He quietly rubbed the lotion in, getting under my bathing suit straps, all the way down to the top of my shorts. “What’s this about?” He asked and I shrugged. “Figured I’d take a break from studying and tan. I was getting awfully pale for it being the end of summer.” 

I laid back in the chair, stretching out as he stared at me. “Are you gonna stare at me all day?” I asked, looking over at him through my sunglasses. If I didn’t know any better I’d say a red tinge went up his neck. “Uh no. I’ll just go finish the yard work.” He said as he stood. He walked down the steps and back out to where he was in the yard previously. He looked back at me as he tugged his gloves on and I grinned at him, grabbing my book and opening it to where I last was. I read for about half an hour before I flipped onto my stomach. I heard footsteps start up the stairs and I smirked, reaching behind me and tugging the bottom string of my bikini top and undoing it so it fell loose around me. “Fuck.” I heard him whisper and I grinned. “Think you need more sunscreen?” He asked. “It wouldn’t hurt.” I said as I looked up at him. He grabbed the bottle and applied more. Paying special attention to my lower back, fingers running just under the waistband of my shorts, before pressing into my shoulders and drawing moans from me. Then his hands went to my ribs, the tips of his fingers grazing the sides of my breasts and causing a shiver to run up my spine. 

“Can’t have you gettin’ burnt, now can we?” He leaned down, whispering the words into my ear before kissing the back of my neck. “Nope.” I popped the ‘p’. I bent my legs at the knees, slowly kicking them back and forth as I watched him step back and lean on the railing and look at me. “What are you doing?” He asked. “Can’t a girl tan?” I asked and he chuckled. “You can. It’s just out of the norm for you. And shorts? I’ve never seen you in anything other than sleep shorts, let alone denim shorts.” I couldn't help but giggle at him. “Maybe I wanna try something different. I’m wearing scrubs all week, so I figured I would try to break away from the dresses and the heels and try something else.” He stared at me for a minute but eventually nodded. “I get it. I’m gonna grab a water. Need anything?” I shook my head, laying my forehead back on my arms. “No thank you.” I said and he slipped inside. 

Another hour went by and I rolled back onto my back. Jake wasn’t paying attention to me at the moment which was okay. I put more sunscreen on before leaning back again. The strings were still untied and I decided to take it a few steps further and unzipped my shorts. I didn’t take them off but then I reached up, taking off the bikini top completely. I looked up to see Jake with his back to me which was fine. I dropped the top next to me before getting comfortable with my book. Over time I got comfortable laying here topless, especially since Jake’s back was to me, but I knew eventually he’d turn around. So I decided to set my book down and close my eyes, leaning back in the chair. A few minutes later I heard something clatter onto the wooden deck floor. I opened my eyes and from behind my glasses I could see Jake standing on the top step, staring at me after he dropped some tools to the floor. 

“You okay?” I asked, acting like I was unbothered when in reality I was doing everything in my power to keep from blushing. His mouth opened then closed then opened again but nothing came out. “What-you-top…” He managed after a minute. “Oh? My top?” He just nodded. “I decided I didn’t want tan lines.” I said and he didn’t move. I looked down at my chest, deciding I should go inside. “Well, I think I’ve spent enough time in the sun.” I sat up, grabbing all my stuff and including my top before walking over to Jake, kissing his cheek before I walked back inside. But as soon as I was out of sight of the back door I sprinted up the stairs, ducking into my room and swiftly closing the door. “Oh god.” I muttered. Why the hell did I think that was a good idea? I couldn’t tell how he felt about seeing me like that. I thought he’d have a smirk on his face but it was unreadable. What the hell am I doing?

The rest of the week I did things that would catch Jake’s attention. That includes wearing the lingerie he bought me when I first moved in. I wore it when I went downstairs for some water before bed one night, Jake was getting his lunch ready as I strutted by him. He choked on air as I opened the fridge and I had a smirk on my face as I went to bed. “You’re killing the man.” Nat said as we walked into the dress shop one afternoon. She asked me to help her find a dress for the ball that was now two weeks away. “That’s the plan. I told him I wanted to wait, but he’s the one that wants to kiss me. I have no objections to it but when I try to take it farther, he stops and when I asked him about it. He just stared at me.” I told her and she shrugged. “That is weird. I figured if you wanted to sleep with him, he’d be keeping you in his bed.” My cheeks flushed at her words. “So for him to hold back is… not very Hangman like.” I nodded. “So it’s something to do with me, isn’t it?” She shook her head. “Nothing is wrong with you. But I’ll talk to him about it. He comes in everyday already complaining that he can’t walk out of his room without a boner so if I ask it’s not going to seem weird.” I nodded as she walked to a rack and sifted through the dresses. 

Soon the conversation turned to what she should wear and after two hours I pulled out a gorgeous bright red gown. It was strapless and flowy and fit her like a glove. “Red is so your color.” I said from the chair I was sitting in. She smiled at me in the mirror. “And navy blue is yours.” I raised a brow in confusion until the sales associate came in holding a navy blue dress. “Nat-” “Just try it on.” We stared each other down for a moment before I caved. “Fine!” She changed out of her dress while I got into mine. It was a gorgeous A-line dress that flared out at the waist. It was off the shoulder, gold framing the neckline and the straps on my arms. It really was beautiful and as I shifted I realized there was a slit in the skirt, coming up to mid thigh. I heard a squeal from behind me and saw Nat doing a little dance. “It’s so pretty!” I nodded in agreement. “Too bad I don’t have anywhere to wear it to.” I said as I reached around for the zipper. “Oh my god!” She groaned. “Go to the damn ball with him! He’s dying to take you and they’re so fun!” I shook my head. “They’ve never been fun for me. There’s just too many risk factors.”

“No one is looking for you anymore. Everyone is sure that you left on your own. Coop, Richardson, nor your parents will be there! You have no reason not to go so you are going!” She gave me no room for argument. Once she dropped me back at the house she came in. “What’s that?” Jake asked as I walked by. “A dress for the ball.” Nat said, crossing her arms in front of her. Jake whipped his head around to me and I nodded. “I’ll be over around three to help her get ready, Rooster will meet us here and we’ll all go together.” She said and he just nodded before standing and coming over to me. “You’ll go with me?” He asked, taking my free hand and I nodded. “Yes.” He just grinned, leaning down and kissing me. I smiled into the kiss and when he pulled away we noticed Nat was gone. “Guess she didn’t wanna stick around.” Jake said and I nodded with a laugh. 

I was nervous in the days leading up to the ball. It was the only thing I could think of and it was distracting me from school. Day of, I woke up and puked up everything I had. I could hardly eat all day and by the time Nat showed up, I looked like hell. “Did you not sleep?” She asked and I shook my head. “No. I’m not sure if I should go.” Nat huffed and looked at me in the mirror as she wrapped my hair around the curling iron. “I’m serious. I’ve been sick all day and I can’t even stomach the thought of food.” It was quiet for a minute and she sighed. “I’m not gonna force you to go. I can’t. But I will tell you this.” She set the curling iron and met my eyes. “You cannot live in fear of your parents. You can’t spend your life avoiding the places they may be. Neither of them will be there tonight and even if they were, we wouldn’t let them do a single thing.” She started gathering the curls to pin my hair. “Commander Blair could discharge all of us and it’d be worth it, Katie.” I knew she was right but it was hard. I thought while she pinned up my hair and started my makeup. “I’ll go.” 

Even with my eyes closed, I knew she was grinning. We didn’t speak much as I helped her get ready and soon we helped each other into our dresses. “God, you look gorgeous.” I told Nat as she fixed her skirt. “So do you. I bet twenty bucks you make Hangman speechless.” I shook my head. “I doubt it.” I told her. We slid on our heels and I grabbed my clutch before we made our way downstairs. Bradley was already here, standing with Jake. They were both in dress whites and they looked so incredibly handsome. Nat walked right over to them, hugging both of them. “Damn Katie!” Bradley said loudly as he saw me. Jake turned around and I watched as his eyes raked over my body. He was silent as he walked over, slowly approaching before he stopped just before me. We stared at each other for a minute before his hand came up, cradling my cheek ever so gently “You’re so beautiful.” 

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[fatgirlonadate-blog]

21 Days - Day 4

Life as an undercover fake wife isn’t exactly exciting, as it turns out. You’ve only been here for four days, and you’re already starting to feel restless. Xavier has spent most of the day setting up surveillance around the apartment, while you’ve been busy cleaning up the small piles of mess he leaves in his wake. Tech gadgets aren’t really your thing, but the telescope he set up on the balcony off your bedroom is intriguing. The thought of him out there, spying on people like a nosy old woman, is somehow much cuter than it should be.

Living with him is both like and unlike what you expected. He’s still the same quiet, sweet, and thoughtful person he’s always been, but you’d imagined the two of you would spend more time together. Instead, Xavier is always busy with one thing or another. You’re not exactly sure what he’s doing—after all, it’s just the two of you in this tiny apartment—but somehow, he always seems to be in a different room. Aside from sharing a haphazard meal and a bit of playful bickering about the ideal apartment temperature, you’ve barely spoken to him today.

You’ve been out on the balcony for a while, watching the sun dip below the horizon as the evening chill settles in. The last light of day lingers, painting the sky with deep shades of yellow and orange that gradually melt into a delicate blue. It’s the kind of sunset that holds you in place, almost hypnotic in its beauty, and it makes you think of Rafayel. He’d love this—he’s always had an eye for moments like these, where nature seems to put on a show just for the few who take the time to watch. You linger a moment longer, breathing in the crisp air and letting the colors wash over you before snapping a quick picture to send to him. 

After slipping out of your t-shirt and jeans, you reach for your favorite cozy pajamas, a soft, well-worn purple set that’s just perfect for a cool evening like this. The fabric feels familiar and comforting as you pull it on, wrapping you in warmth. You glance over at the bed, which seems to be calling your name, promising a cocoon of softness and quiet. With a satisfied sigh, you pull back the covers, savoring the feel of the crisp sheets as you settle in, letting the day’s tension melt away. Snuggling deeper into the pillows, you grab your phone and open your text messages.

Miss Bodyguard: How's my favorite artist doing? I saw this and thought of you. Could be inspiration for a new painting?

Fishie: so you are alive

Fishie: its been like 800 years

Fishie: when are you coming back

Fishie: Reddie misses you and has been refusing to eat

Fishie: he dun like it when youre gone

A smile spreads across your face as a stream of incoming texts lights up your screen, each one making you miss him more. You shift, settling deeper into the pillows on what you now think of as your side of the bed. It strikes you as odd to have a side at all, something you’ve never really given much thought to before. But here you are, and it’s official now—Xavier claimed the side closest to the door on your first night together, and it’s been the same ever since.

Miss Bodyguard: Really? Reddie told you that?

Fishie: yes isnt it obvious

The next text brings a smile to your face—it’s a picture of Reddie floating in his bowl with a cartoonishly exaggerated sad face drawn onto the image, complete with stickers of oversized, dramatic tears. You can’t help but roll your eyes at the absurdity of it, but a laugh escapes you anyway, bubbling up unexpectedly.

You’re so absorbed in the conversation that you don’t even hear Xavier enter the room. It isn’t until you feel the bed shift under his weight that you realize he’s there. Startled, you glance up just as he sits down beside you. He peeks over your shoulder, his curiosity evident as he studies the screen.

"What has you smiling like that?" Xavier asks, his voice close to your ear.

You quickly angle your phone away from his prying eyes, casting a playful, almost challenging glance over your shoulder. He’s close—so close that you can feel the warmth radiating from him, an undeniable presence at your side. His eyes narrow as you shield the phone from him, and the soft glow of the lamp on his bedside table makes his clenched jaw look even sharper. 

"Nothing," You reply quickly. "I'm just catching up with a friend."

Xavier hums thoughtfully and leans closer, "Which friend? Tara? What is she saying that's so funny?"

"No, not Tara...Rafayel. I think I've mentioned him before. The artist," you explain, unsure if you've ever actually told Xavier about Raf before. "And nothing really. He's just being his usual dumb self."

"Dumb, huh?" Xavier echoes in a colder voice, "He must be very dumb if you're smiling and giggling like that."

"He is. Very dumb. And you're very nosy."

"I am not. I'm just curious." Xavier argues.

"About Raf?"

"About you." He corrects.

You nod, acknowledging him with a small smile before turning back to your phone, ready to continue texting. But you’re fully aware he’s doing that thing again—the one where he pretends to be curious and indifferent, even though there’s an edge of jealousy just beneath the surface. It’s a confusing mix of emotions, but you’ve seen it enough times to recognize it now. You know you probably shouldn’t tease him about it, but it’s hard to resist; he’s adorable when he gets pouty and sulky, his aloof demeanor slipping just enough to reveal a hint of something real. It’s a strange blend of endearing and challenging, making you want to poke the bear even more, just to see how he’ll react.

Xavier casually shifts his body to lie down beside you, stretching out his legs on the bed with an effortless ease. He props his head on one hand, his gaze fixed intently on your fingers as you type out another message.

Fishie: even his scales are starting to get dull

Miss Bodyguard: I don't know. Little guy still looks pretty red to me.

Fishie: cadmium red is the color of sadness

Fishie: its a fish fact

Warmth blooms in your chest, and you stifle a laugh at his response. It’s a rare moment, almost like a confession, and you realize this is as close as Rafayel will ever come to admitting he’s the one who misses you.

You sneak a glance at Xavier, who is pointedly ignoring you by staring up at the ceiling. His brows are furrowed in concentration, and a small pout forms on his lips, giving him an adorably petulant look. He looks like a puppy who is being ignored.

Miss Bodyguard: That's a real fish fact?

Fishie: yes a very important one

Fishie: i was gonna tell you earlier

Fishie: but i didnt wanna interrupt your honeymoon

Fishie: hows your fake husband doing

The last text catches you by surprise. Rafayel has never asked about any of the other hunters before, and has never seemed particularly interested in getting to know your friends. He isn't exactly a people person. 

Miss Bodyguard: Fake husband is fine. Getting ready for bed.

Fishie: oh so youre sleeping with him now

Fishie: moving a little fast dontcha think

A snort escapes your nose before you can stop it, the sound surprising you with its suddenness. There's no way to play it off or hide the embarrassment that washes over you, and heat instantly rushes to your cheeks, tinting them a light pink. You can feel Xavier's questioning gaze on your profile, even without turning to look at him.

"Do you like him?" Xavier asks abruptly.

You meet his gaze, surprised by the directness of his question. "Who? Raf?"

Xavier nods, watching you closely.

"Of course I like Raf. He's impossible not to like," you bait him. "It's a long story, but I was kind of his body guard. Now we're friends."

Xavier's expression darkens and a small frown pulls at the corner of his lips. "Do you wish you were more?"

"More?" You repeat slowly, pretending to be confused, "Like best friends?"

Xavier is silent for a long moment. His eyes flick from the phone grasped in your hand and then back to your face. "Do you have feelings for him?"

The tension between you is growing thicker by the second, and a small wave of uneasiness courses through you. You’ve teased him like this before about coworkers and strangers, but this moment feels different—more significant, more real. The truth is, you do have genuine feelings for Rafayel, and the thought that it might be obvious sends a flutter of anxiety through your chest.

"Not really," You reply evasively, trying to squirm out of the predicament you've gotten yourself into. "I told you, we're just friends."

Xavier studies your face for a moment, then turns his gaze back to the ceiling. His voice is tight as he says, "You seem very happy when you talk to him. He makes you laugh."

"Rafayel is funny," You defend, fidgeting with the phone in your hands. "He's my friend, of course he's going to make me laugh. What is wrong with that?"

"Nothing is wrong with that," Xavier agrees, but his eyes hold a storm in their depths. 

Silence stretches between you, filling the dimly lit room with an electric tension. Your phone has become nothing more than a weight in your hand, the conversation with Rafayel fading from your mind as you become acutely aware of Xavier’s presence. It’s hard to focus on anything other than the way he’s looking at you now, his gaze intense and unwavering. He studies you as if you’re the only thing in the world, a complex puzzle that he’s determined to solve. 

You open your mouth to break the silence, but before you can utter a word, Xavier shifts closer, closing the distance between you. In one smooth motion, he reaches out and snatches the phone from your hand. Without a word, he tosses it onto his bedside table. It lands with a soft thud.

Your mouth drops open in a mix of surprise and annoyance. “Hey! That’s mine!” you protest, your voice a blend of indignation and disbelief. 

Despite the instinct to climb over him and snatch your phone back, you remain rooted in place, caught off guard by the sudden boldness of his action. 

Xavier deliberately ignores your protest, leaning over to turn off the lamp beside him with a casual flick of his wrist. The soft glow is extinguished, and the room is instantly plunged into darkness.

"It's getting late, Mrs. Shen. You can talk to your comedian in the morning," Xavier says coolly.

You huff in exasperation and turn away, facing the opposite direction on your side of the bed. It’s not like you to back down so easily; you’re not usually a pushover. But something about his tone drains the fight out of you.

"Fine,” you mutter, annoyed but clearly giving in.

Xavier pulls the blankets over both of you and settles down with his back to you. You close your eyes, trying to coax sleep to come, but it eludes you. Restlessness takes hold as you toss and turn, your mind replaying the earlier conversation that hadn’t gone at all as you’d hoped. You had wanted to bait him into doing... something, though you’re not entirely sure what that “something” was. But it was definitely not this.

Xavier's soft, even breathing is the only sound in the room, a gentle rhythm that fills the silence. Though he’s at least two feet away, you can still feel the warmth radiating from his body, trapped beneath the shared comforter. After a while, you sense the mattress shift as he turns, settling onto his back. The slight movement draws your attention.

"You're not asleep?" you whisper in surprise. Xavier has never struggled to sleep in the time you've known him.

"No," he replies simply, his voice low and steady.

You sigh and roll onto your other side to face him. The room is dark, but you can just make out the contours of his body and the angles of his face.

“Can’t sleep?” he asks, turning his head to look at you. The hard edge that had marked his voice earlier has softened, easing the tension in your shoulders and making you feel a little lighter.

“Obviously not.”

"Have you tried closing your eyes?" he suggests wryly.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny, Mr. Shen," you reply sarcastically.

Xavier laughs quietly, and whispers, "See? I'm funny, too."

His laugh is soft and sweet, a sound that’s utterly contagious. Despite the tension lingering between you, you feel a smile creeping onto your face. You can’t stay annoyed with him. It’s one of the things you love most about him - he always seems to be able to make things better.

"I never said you weren't," you agree.

Xavier hums softly in response and shifts closer, closing the distance between you. He drapes an arm over your waist, pulling you gently against his side until your head rests on his chest. You can hear the steady rhythm of his heart and feel the rise and fall of each of his breaths. It easily banishes any remaining tension.

“Do you want me to help you fall asleep?” Xavier murmurs softly, his voice a gentle whisper in the darkness. 

He brushes his lips against the top of your head, and his hand slides from your waist to slightly stroke your back through the thin fabric of your pajama shirt. 

"Oh? Do you have a secret trick?" You ask, more awake than ever now that he's pressed against you.

Xavier's fingers move in a gentle pattern up and down your spine, "No, but I can tell you a bedtime story."

“A story?” you echo with a laugh, unable to hide your amusement. “I’m not a kid anymore, Xav.”

“You don’t like stories?” He asks, and his fingers pause on the side of your neck. “I thought everyone liked hearing a story before bed. You don’t want to hear it?”

“No!” You quickly correct, not wanting this moment to be over. “I do, go on. Let’s hear it.”

“Alright,” he says, and you feel his smile as he nuzzles against your hair. “Let me think.”

His hand glides from the base of your neck down to the small of your back, each gentle stroke sending warmth through you. Every time his fingers brush against the hem of your shirt, your heart races a little faster, a flutter of anticipation coursing through you.

"Once upon a time," Xavier begins, his voice low and soft, barely above a whisper. "There was a prince who was tasked with saving his kingdom. All hope seemed lost until he met a girl at school -"

"Did they fall in love?" You whisper, unable to stop yourself from interrupting.

Xavier huffs out a quiet laugh that rustles against your hair, and he shushes you, "Be a good girl and close your eyes."

A pout tugs at your lips, but you close your eyes as instructed, even though sleep is the furthest thing from your mind. You're acutely aware of his every move: the gentle brush of his fingertips against the bare skin of your neck, just above the collar of your shirt, and the reassuring rise and fall of his chest beneath your cheek. He resumes stroking your back, his warm breath grazing the top of your head as he speaks, each word wrapping around you like a comforting blanket.

"The prince and the girl became friends and sparring partners. She was-"

"Was she pretty?" You interrupt him again.

"Be patient," he admonishes gently and continues, "She was very pretty, and she was the only person he had met in years who was able to beat him in a fight. He wasn't sure why, but he was drawn to her. He found himself watching her more than usual and trying to get to know her."

Despite the thrill of his fingers trailing lightly along the back of your neck, you feel yourself sinking deeper into sleep. The warmth of his body and the soothing cadence of his voice are a powerful combination. It isn’t long before your breathing deepens, and the words he’s saying start to blur together, becoming a gentle hum in the background. You begin to drift in and out of consciousness, catching only fragments of his story.

"...she was a special girl with an even more special heart..."

You slowly blink and try to listen to his words, but it's a struggle to keep your eyes open and your mind alert.

"...she had a heart so bright and powerful that it could save the prince's entire kingdom..."

Your eyelids are heavy and the pull of sleep is becoming impossible to resist. His words are soothing even though you are no longer listening. All of your remaining focus is devoted to the feel of his hand sliding down your side and the warmth of his chest against your cheek.

"...and the prince didn't know what to do..."

The feel of him so close to you, his smell, his voice, the sound of his heart beating - it's a lullaby that lulls you to sleep.

"...No matter how many times it took, no matter where she went...he'd find her."

[happyk44]

My take has always been Nyx births them in Tartarus but sends them away to the upper world when they're old enough because she has seen the world below from the night sky and thinks it is beautiful and lovable, compared to the dark monstrous and screaming expanse of Tartarus, a chamber, a prison, a place of torture. She loves her children as much as the night sky, a boundless entity can. She would like them to experience the world the way she sees the mortals do, how other gods and spirits do. Running across cool grass as the sun dips and day fades into midnight blue and wine-dark purple. Laughing around a warm fire. Comfortable and safe from the monsters that lurk.

The eldest two are as boundless as she is, as boundless as their father. They take to mortal form more frequently than their parents but were not truly born of it. She remembers the strange sensation of creating a sunrise. Heat and daybreak rising over the murky ocean. The world was dark in the beginning. Then the sun came, Helios and his silly chariot, and so followed the bright of day to truly illuminate the world. The twins had been born hand in hand so entwined in one another she had not realized right away there were two of them. Even in their choice of differentiation, they were so similar - day and the bright upper sky. Hemera and Aether. Glowing light blue air and soft clouds with the sun shimmering nearby.

Then long after Charon came - the oldest of her personified children. Born with skin and bones and a quiet sullen demeanour. Like Hades who lives above. But Hades is reclusive and seems picky about who joins him. He is followed only by the dead. He is far too busy, nonetheless, to handle a child by his side - establishing his kingdom and building his home from the scraps left behind.

Yes, the Underworld is beautiful, cooler than Tartarus, more comforting to those with flesh, but less so than the upper world. That was created for those who breathe with lungs and have beating hearts, so when Charon is spry enough that he walks and runs and snaps at monsters that encroach upon his space, she guides him up and out into the wake of the night.

Shadows lick at his feet. His ever present father will keep watch when the sunrises and Nyx must set. Erebus agrees with her. Charon seems brighter, better up on top than far down below where only the most reviled of persons are chained and burned. The only screams he hears are from the birds chattering. He was born of night and darkness, so he says good night to his sister and his brother, and greets his mother with a cool good morning. He hunts sleeping animals with his father to guide his way. He prefers to fish from the nearby river, sit in the shallow, slower end of the rushing stream. He speaks aloud, knowing his family listens. He expects little response in return.

After him, Moros arrives. Dark and brooding. Where Charon is sullen and withdrawn, Moros is brash and engaging. He dips away from his older brother to bother nearby towns. He tips the scales, adjusts the poles. The way of the world swells and shifts around him. Knives miss the meat to be butchered and sever fingers. Bows slip free of knots and spill collected materials to the ground. The sickly sob. Children recoil in fear.

He is unbothered. He enjoys their detachment, their worries. As he grows, Charon finds him work with the elderly. It's important, he says, that you understand mortals. It is cruel to befit fear upon them all because you have no empathy. Nyx listens closely, Erebus at her side as their son speaks quiet. His monotone voice echoes across the open air. I have no empathy, but I have lived long enough to know that mortals desire compassion. And I have lived long enough to know that being feared becomes tiring in the end.

Moros adjusts. Still he brings doom, but the old are unworried. They know what is to come. The finality of breath. The stop of their hearts. The ceasing of their brains. They know that they will close their eyes and reawaken with Hades' hand outstretched for theirs. Without terror, they tell him stories of their lives. They spill their secrets as he cleans their laundry and cuts their food. He holds their arms as they take feeble steps around the home they wish to die in.

Sometimes he knows they will not and through him they know they will not, but he promises to carry them back and lay them to rest in the ground they own, the earth they cultivated. He is not capable of empathy. He barely understands sympathy. But compassion is there, in faintest amounts, and it is enough.

Thanatos and Hypnos bear witness to the night skies in the months that follow. It is almost amusing the difference between her boundless children and their fleshed out siblings. Daylight and bright skies versus the boy child who digs graves and the boy who bears doom, the boy who finds the dead as easily as he breathes and the boy who sleeps like a cat. the girl who watches battles with hunger and feasts upon the death the daughter who knows only misery and the boy who can only assign blame. She loves them all the same. She sees how mortals exile those who do not fit, who are dark but not cruel, and does not understand. Perhaps it is because she was not born into the world with a beating heart.

Only glittering stars and a spot for the bright moon.

It is quiet with the twins. Instead of bothering mortals, Hypnos spends most of his time attached to his twin's back, dozing off onto strong shoulders. Thanatos carries him like it is his job. Lifts him off from the ground without a word. He follows Charon into the woods each day. The dead come easy to him. More frequently that he had before, Charon carries bodies home to their new graves.

I can feel them, Thanatos says. When they're gone.

Do you hurt? Charon asks. Mangled bodies are not unfamiliar to them. Torn animals picked apart and rotting are commonplace. The state of their corpses indicate pain though. Charon worries.

But Thanatos simply lowers his sleeping brother to the soft grass below and says, No. It's strange. I don't notice them until they're gone. It’s like a call in my head. They could be near me and I would not notice until their end. He turns to his older brother digging another grave. Their souls. Their ghost. Do you see them?

Sometimes, Charon says. But not usually.

Thanatos is comforted by that. Sometimes is better than never. Hypnos never sees ghosts. But he sees other things in the moments he's awake. When they enter mortal towns, he'll gaze with half-lidded eyes upon the mortals that pass by and murmur into Thanatos' ear about their secrets. Their fears. Their days.

Their dreams.

Within the wisps of sleep, Hypnos descends. He coaxes the tired to rest, coaxes babies to calm, settle the elderly and sick down for their final night. Sometimes Oizys reaches out and so he settles inside the soft world of a mortal mind, slipping through their cloud-like subconscious and drawing out what they hold back.

Processing fears is important to living life, he realizes. In waking moments, he speaks with his brother about nightmares. In sleeping dreams, he slips them along. Most dreams are simple days. He likes to watch from the side, a hidden audience. Even the most mundane is entertaining.

Then Ker comes along soon after. She is sharp-toothed and mean. Violent death and bitter disease. There is nothing mundane with her. Only seeking the vicious and cruel. She feasts on the flesh of the dead, hovering near Thanatos as he counts down the seconds to the last beat of a heart.

But she does not join them at meals. Her bloodied mouth is hidden away. The bits of skin dug under her nails are scrubbed after every meal. She knows her nature is unlike the others. That she is worse. She crowds around battles with a hunger for the flesh that will be slain. She brings plague with a single touch.

Maybe she would feel better if she was not looking at her counterpart in all things dying. Thanatos is calm and unbothered. He does not itch for blood. He does not split at the seams and feast on the dead. He is calm and collected, almost a mimicry of Charon's sturdiness. She is only a girl hungering for anguish and devastation. She cannot end a life with her own hands. But she can encourage it, and so thoroughly she does.

Charon settles beside her. Water spills over their feet. Why do you split?

Feels better, she says. There is so much inside me. I need to be more to let it out. Her reflection in the river flickers in twain. Mortals think that there are more of her than there are. The Keres, they call her. But she is just Ker. She separates into many, sloughing off her other selves like old skin, and encircles the bloodied crowd. Is it bad?

No, Charon says. Just new.

I like myself, she says. But others don't. It's annoying. She grimaces. I wish I could be better.

You are what you are. With his nail, he scrapes away a fried bloodied mark across her cheek. Do not be disappointed that others cannot handle you. The ones who can are the ones who matter. We all like you. Why do you think we don’t?

Their bodies do not sever in two, in fourths, in tens, in thousands. They do not drag corpses back home to devour because the food on the table is barely edible to them. They do not force disease on those trying to recover from painful wounds, encouraging them to fail, to suffer, to die. Mortals do not recoil with a terrified immediacy they do not understand when her siblings walk by. Even Moros has more to him than the doom he spreads.

She does not.

Maybe I don’t like myself, she considers. It’s hard being this way. There is no one else.

Charon’s arm is comfortable around her shoulders. Affection always feels so fleeting. Though she recognizes that she pulls away. It feels foreign to her as it is given. Out of step with who she is. But she does not pull away. Instead she leans into him and feels the water rush around her feet. It is cool and forgiving. She is hot and merciless.

It’s true. We will not understand you or the viciousness in your heart, Charon tells her. But we are not unsettled by you. You are why battles end. Without pain, without struggle, there would be no need to speak for peace. If all deaths were as calm as falling asleep, then people would keep fighting. But blood spilled, mortals hacked apart, watching your friends suffer beside you, delivering the dead in pieces back to their homes - that is what forces peace.

She tilts her head up and considers his words. I didn’t think of that.

Nobody does, he says. But it is true. Without death, fighting would never end. And without violence, peace would never be wrung. Whether by compromise or submission. He splashes her ankles with water. Eat with us, Ker. We miss you at the table.

The twins and Ker grow and venture far and wide. They sit beside battles and watch quietly. They walk through towns and villages. Hypnos murmurs sleepy words about dreams of freedom in the beaten and belittled. Ker manufactures suffering and bloody ends, horrible spouses and egregious people falling down stairs. Thanatos brings calm to the old and sick.

Charon disappears in the days they are gone. Months go by in search. Eventually, they find him, guided by their mother and father. He is beneath the earth, beneath their feet. They fly over raging waters and approach the god who has employed him.

He is working, Hades says. So, no, he cannot go free right now. But you are welcome to stay.

Oizys and Momus are born next. Erebus coddles them more than she does. But he is in every nook and cranny. He sees distress trapped in locked closets, follows bare feet as they run from screams and swords. The two fight with bitter words. When they come of age, Charon returns to the upper world. The family home welcomes him with a familiar coolness and wisping darkness.

He is a sharp-tongued mediator for the fighting twins and forces them apart with calloused hands and snarling eyes. They always silence themselves when he snaps. They become accommodating to their brother who drags fallen bodies out from the trees and buries them in plots around the home. When he appears, Momus holds back his bitter blaming screams and Oizys keeps tight her welling eyes and breaking heart.

It is under him that they learn to shift. It is not perfect. Momus is reviled by god and mortals alike for his sharp-tongue. He complains about poorly chosen words, critiques every appearance, laughs at sloppy form. It is helpful to some - those who wish to change. Who are unbothered by his mocking tone. But people are more emotional than he cares for. There are several lives lost to his cruel words. Like the two before him, he has no capacity for empathy. He is unable to learn sympathy and compassion is out of reach.

Who cares, is his most common phrase, spoken every time his sister asks him to become softer, gentler.

Oizys is still pain, she is still distress. Her heart still breaks easy and she cries more often than most. But she becomes kinder to herself for her limited emotional range. It is not her fault that this is how she must be. It is not her fault that this is what she has been chosen to represent in the world. Her tears do not make her weak.

Pain is necessary, she says as she wraps the broken bone of a sobbing child. It teaches us not to jump from trees, and where to draw the line with others.

She finds broken men with battles still screaming in their minds. Their bodies are automated. Every movement is meant to survive, to carry on, but their minds hold memories that keep them from being alive. She finds broken women, broken mothers, broken children. She finds those who hold back the tears and smile as though nothing is wrong. Those who need to let go and breathe. Those who need to cry. Who need to admit to the pain they are in, the anguish they have witnessed, the distress coming from the things they have experienced.

When the emotions release, when the pain flows, she crafts suggestions from the wisp of shadows. Run. Confront. Kill. Talk. Change.

Live.

I believe we are trapped in our natures, Charon had said in the bright of day as he dug a deep hole and she held a shattered girl's hand.

Her body was bloodied, slowly creeping towards utter cold. Her eyes had been glassy, unfocused. The world slowly slid from her view. Oizys held her hand to take the pain because certain things should never have been experienced. Not in anyone, but especially not in children this young.

But that doesn't mean we cannot change what our nature means, her wise older brother had said. I take the dead. I don't know why. I just always have. But I chose to do different than just steal them away from their homes. There are dead out there that will never be claimed. I will claim them. I do not need to claim that which dies at home or in a lover's arms. I will claim the left behind, the slaughtered hunter, the forgotten traveler, and I will give them a grave to rest.

Momus had scowled back rude words but Oizys held tighter the young girl's hand and listened hard.

You both can be better. You do not have to be perfect. You do not have to be nice. Moros certainly is not. Ker as well. But you can be and do more than you think of yourselves right now. He laid his shovel to rest on the ground and reached for the slackened girl. There was no life left in her. It had bled all over Oizys lap. There is more to the world than your base instincts, little ones. Yelling that others are at fault and crying from the distress of being screamed at isn't all you have to do. Look inwards. Think. He laid the girl to rest in the grave he dug. I believe in you.

Charon speaks these words to all his siblings. When Nemesis arrives in a flurry of wild black hair, she tracks across the plains of Tartarus, even in her pudgy youth, and declares pain of those she discovers in chains. She leaves the wasteland far later than any of her other siblings, both older and younger. She is endlessly embittered by the faults of mortals. Reluctance to leave their home cloaks her.

Find your order, Charon says. He has lived long, seen and met many. Dike could help. She loves justice, as much as you crave punishment.

Dike is a beauty on earth. Like her father, the crowned king of sky, she embodies order and justice. Humanity is as far as her range extends. But Nemesis can work with that. Social norms become her focus. Convention and custom are her loves. Remaining steady in tradition is gripped tight in her hand. She offers suggestions with a ruthlessness that Dike sighs through each time. Some are accepted easily. Many mortals need to be struck down by their own hubris. But others are argued about between the two.

Humanity and what it entails holds closer to Dike's heart than Nemesis'. She is capable of seeing what her father, her mother, and what Nemesis cannot. A mortal who kills to be free from pain defies convention, but does not deserve the ruthless retribution Nemesis would befit upon a mortal who kills for enjoyment.

Nemesis is always befuddled by her love's explanations. The logic is sound, she understands the point. But it never quite clicks the way it should. But she remembers Charon holding her hands and telling her that she is bound to what the world had decreed upon her, as are the others.

Hemera and Aether do not understand why their siblings prefer the dark. Moros cannot perceive how it is cruel to tell people of the vicious way they will one day die, nor does he understand why it is not appropriate to bury them in so much doom they drown themselves to escape. Ker does not comprehend that others do not feel overwhelming rage. How calm for mortals in the rest of death and sleep is unwanted by their siblings befuddles Thanatos and Hypnos.  Why people repress their pain is something Oizys will never comprehend. And Momus will never understand why Olympus banished him from their golden floors for his various criticisms.

None of them ever understood why Charon chose to bury strangers either. They followed when he ventured out and helped him carry back bodies he found. Animals too rotten to eat, people no one came for. They watched as he dug holes. As he wrapped them in clean cloth and buried them. They did not understand why. But they understood that he had to, and so he did.

You punish because you must. People fear punishment because they fear our sister. If she can continue on despite the pain that being feared brings her, I know that you can. They will never understand why you choose the retribution you choose. And you will never understand why they beg for something smaller. But you do not have to. You just assess their point of view. He laughed quietly and squeezed her hands. Or ask Dike to explain it to you.

In the years that follow Nemesis's final departure from the family home, Apate and Dolos spring out from the shadows with mischievous grins. They spread lies and tall tales in their youth. They find villages and scam, decrying potions and balms in replace of medicine. Death abounds. So Charon settles them into the dirt and tells them they can do more than harm.

There is no demand to stop being cruel. After all, Nemesis still jumps to ruthless violence in her ideas for retribution. Momus does not know how to be kind with his words. By nature, Oizys is cruel to mortals. Moros still approaches strangers with a bitter grin and watches them cry in grief and terror from their ensuing fates. But cruel is not all they must be.

The twins sidle alongside Ares, who knows Charon well. Apate guides spies into enemy lines. Acting becomes a passion of hers. After all, what are elaborate performances if not deceit of the audience? Dolos sits on friendly territory and pushes whispered suggestions from the shadows. Make it seem like you are retreating, he sighs into a general's ears. Draw them out into the open with a subtle trap. Surround them. Destroy them.

It is more enjoyable to them than scamming the masses, than telling them silly lies with elaborate words that make them believe in things that don't exist. There is a sense of accomplishment when their side wins the battle, wins the war. There is a sense of pride when Ares pats their heads with his heavy warm hand. They do not follow him everywhere. They want more than war. So they dabble in politics, in petty family squabbles. They still sell scams and spread rumors. But often they draw back to Ares' side with mischievous grins and help his chosen heroes win wars.

Geras is born with wrinkles and frail bones. His skin sags off the muscles that never truly grow. Youth annoys him. Hebe is his sworn enemy long before they ever meet. But Charon holds him as he breathes hard and reminds him of the genius in age.

I was stupid when I was young. I'm older now. Wiser. More mature. He holds his little brother's wizened frame gently. Listen to the stories of the people. Sit with your brother when he visits his dying friends. There is no permanence or perfection in being young. You are a reminder of change, of inevitability, of maturity. I would not be able to tell you this without having lived and grown through so much before me.

Immortals don't age, Geras huffs bitterly. His voice is cracked and gruff, like an older blacksmith who has breathed in too much acrid smoke.

Everyone ages. We simply are not bound by it. Shapeless. Formless. If we want to look young, we can do so. If we want to look strong, we can do so. It is a blessing. He strokes Geras's thin hair. And much like curses, blessings can be taken away.

Geras sighs and sinks into his brother's stable hold. I don't know how to make myself look different.

Then don't, Charon says. You know how, little brother. We all do. But you do not want to look young. It is not who you are.

Then who am I? What am I? Geras cries. I want to be a child, not an ugly old man. I do nothing for the mortals like the others. I don't bring the day, I don't let them know that the end is near and they should prepare. I do not allow them to feel their hurt. I do not enact punishment and I do not win wars. I am just old and tired.

As I said, you are change. People become different over time. They learn and change, they age and grow. And you are inevitable, even to the gods. You are the reason Moros has friends. You are the reason Oizys creates mourning. You are stories told to grandchildren, you are the head of the household, you are the matriarch, you are history. You are a reminder of the end, and you are a goal for the sickly, for the soldiers in battle, for couples so deeply in love. Charon presses his lips dryly to his brother's wrinkled temple. And you are my brother. You have purpose in that alone.

Eris is hardened to the world when she leaves Tartarus. As always, Charon takes leave of the Underworld and guides her hand-in-hand through darkness and grass to the family home. She is a bitter thing. She finds fault in all things. Constant conflict is demanded of her. When he does not fall to her huffing ways, she grows louder and rougher. But Charon has been steady and stable since birth. Her need to sow problems over nothing does not rile him.

Calm down, he says when she slaps food off the table for being too cold, or shouts that he mended her clothes incorrectly. She cannot calm. It is beyond her. Still he holds her shaking hands and guides her down to a seat on the floor. Relax your breathing. Search for what settles you and utilize that.

Like many of the others, Charon brings her to Ares’ side. War does not settle her, not fully. Still, she finds solace in Ares and in Enyo, her preferred companion. Enyo enjoys the bitter sensation of discord, the craft of competition that awakens in Eris’ presence. Eris is no stranger to being cared for despite how she is, but it is odd to see it reflected in the face of someone who is not her family.

They bicker and argue over anything. Eris is always the instigator, but Enyo happily throws the first blow. Hands beat against faces. Blood bleeds into spit on the ground. Bruises bloom against skin. When the fight is done, they grin and breathe and move along. They are often joined by Ker, bringing horror to the soldiers who spot her flying above right before the final blow.

She spreads trouble outside of battle. Apate and Dolos pull her into their lies and trickery. Arguments follow her subtle instigating words. The twins pull strings behind yelling backs. Momus brings blame and she pushes hostility. The ensuing breakdowns are always so fun to watch. Harmony and peace, a sense of calm, does not befit her. But in carefully placed antagonism she finds a settlement, what Charon spoke of with gentle words, and it is enough.

The last to find life on the outside is young Philotes. Her siblings think she is strange. Even from birth, she is unlike any of them. In Tartarus, she befriends monsters, even the cruelest of punished souls. She hugs with abandon, and smiles wider than any of them thought was possible for their faces. She is not sharp-toothed, and she is not mean. She is not relaxed with sturdy sullenness. She is bright and joyful.

Charon does not bury forgotten bodies around her, nor does he hunt creatures as they sleep. Death upsets her. Violence is rejected. Ker and Thanatos find no fault in her eschew of their nature. She does not fault them for being as they are. It is harder with Eris, but only on her side. Trouble and conflict slides off Philotes’ shoulders like rain. It does not make her angry, or have her spit bitter words. Eris finds that vastly annoying. But despite their stark differences, Philotes loves her family without question. 

Darkness does not suit her, though she walks through shadows as is her birthright, and does not shy away from the depths below as her companions in the clouds of Olympus do. Making friends is easy for her. She finds her way to the mountaintop from smile to smile, and hug to hug. The Graces adore her joyful nature. Pasithea finds amusement in their traded places - her born of Olympus to descend to the depths, and Philotes born of Tartarus to ascend to the golden skies. She does not join their numbers, but attends to their needs. It is a contented life filled with love, with friends, with good sex.

Charon waits for the call of his mother to let him know that another has joined their ranks but it does not come. He does miss, sometimes, the family home when it was filled with the life of another. He will settle there in his free time. The beds are clean, the pantry clear, cobwebs nonexistent. The passage of time does not encroach upon the home he built for his siblings. It does not rot the stone, nor the cloth. The house remains steady, stable, as he is.

Sometimes he walks down to the river. He will sit in the slow and shallow end under the night sky, feeling shadows wisp at his arms. There is no preference between his old and new homes. The Underworld suits him. Macaria who took him down to the depths and gave him his boat is there, his best friend. Styx rushes by as he floats. They speak casually amongst each other. The world is forever dark in the Underworld. It is cool. It is calm.

While only a few of his siblings live with him among the poplar trees and obsidian stone, the others do visit with annoyed huffs from Hades but nothing else in complaint. They join their mother and father in the heated wasteland of Tartarus. They visit the family home. They did not live there all at once, and they never will. He raised them to be independent, decisive. To be better and do more than they thought they could. Their home was a place to grow, and they have. It is no longer necessary for them. For him.

But it is always nice to walk through familiar doors and find his siblings talking amongst themselves. Lounging on cushions they used to sit on when they were much smaller, much younger. Eating at the table, sneaking bites of each other’s food. Playing the games still left behind on shelves and tables.

He never worried about what it meant to be the oldest made of flesh and bone. When he had followed Macaria down below, he did not mean to leave the three behind. They had ventured out, as Moros did. When days pattered by with no return, he thought they had found their own place in the world. Seeing them standing strong and hard-headed in front of Hades and demanding his return was more than amusing. Warmth cut through his heart.

Ferrying souls is his purpose. Watching the entrance when the Underworld is open is his purpose. It is what he has done from the beginning, carrying corpses home and laying them to rest, finding internal settlement in river water rushing beneath him. He is the ferryman and the gatekeeper. Carrying souls across the rushing river. Keeping eye on the doorway and forcing out those who try to push in without reason.

But as he always said, there is more to them than the base instinct of their nature. Like holding hands with little siblings as he walks them to their home, and guarding them from mortals and monsters and gods who do not understand what beauty exists in the dark.

[ryeallytired]

Its finally done!!!

After getting back into BBC's Merlin recently (read: a couple months ago) I realized I no longer trusted streaming services to still have it available long term and managed to buy a complete DVD box set.

But because the slip case had quite a bit of wear to it (and due to some minor scopophobia) I made it a box that looks like a book!

(More rambling info & video under cut)

Materials:

The base construction is cardboard and paper (used to cover the exposed cut edges and strengthen corners). The box's faux paper edge is a printed texture on cardstock that was then waxed. The interior is black cardstock with silver vinyl. The 'book case' is that same cardboard construction with faux raised bands (made with some scrap foam I had) wrapped in Cialux's night blue bookcloth (hence the minor wrinkles) with Cricut HTV in metallic gold and 'reflective rainbow'.

Design:

Cover: Obviously Pendragon logo had to go front and center, no argument on that one. (Also partially cause Merlin doesn't really have his own symbol to him? The triskelion just doesn't make sense to me because although Emyrs is a symbol for the druids, Merlin himself isn't a druid and I'd imagine would instead choose icons of Camelot and Arthur to represent himself besides.) ANYWAY- Behind the crest, filligree containing a blade and the sidhe staff in that subtle reflective HTV that blends into the bookcloth exactly how I wanted until it catches the light (something something, hidden magic in the background something something).

(Appologies for the unsteady hands)

Spine: Mortaeus flower! Because it really felt like a turning point for the two (you've known each other... what a week? and you're going against your father to travel to some far off cave to get a flower?? that's some good as dnd-adventuring-party type shit I love it). Minor detail are the top and bottom shapes: pulled from some cool windows we see a lot in season one (I just think there' neat, okay?)

Back Cover: Excalibur with two butterflies cut from the blue-toned area of the rainbow HTV :)

And finally the Inside!: The cup of life! Because it felt just a little empty. I'm still tempted to put something small on the bottom left corner of the inside cover... maybe a crown? not sure yet

And that's everything! Thanks for reading! If anyone wants to make something similar for their own dvd set I'd be happy to share the .svg or .png file of the cut outs, just shoot me a message 👍 Before you go, wanna know the worst part about this project???

.

.

It doesn't even fit on my DVDs shelf :)))) It sticks out by about an inch and a half 😭So we maaay have to be relegated to the 'actual books' bookshelf...

[multifandomfix]

Neon Nuptials — Joey Tribbiani

Summary: Letting loose on your Vegas vacation may lead to a bit more than you bargained for when you wake up next to a very handsome guy claiming that you got married the night before.

Word Count: 586

Warnings: Morning After, Drunken Vegas Wedding

The morning sunlight streamed through the half closed curtains, casting a warm glow on the otherwise chilly and unfamiliar hotel room. You groaned, shifting under the warm covers the strange bed provided, as a dull headache throbbed in your temples. Turning your head, you froze when you saw what you could only describe as a beautiful man lying beside you, his eyes barely open, squinting against the light.

"Uh, hey," he mumbled, rubbing his forehead. The hint of a smile on his lips made you want to blush, so it was of no confusion as to how he’d gotten you here. It was just the rest of the night that was a blur.

You blinked, trying to process all the new information despite your pounding head. Glancing around the room, memories from the previous night flashed like fragments of a dream. Laughter, flashing lights, and the unmistakable chaos that was Las Vegas, but nothing solid formed in your mind.

The realization hit when you noticed the golden band wrapped around hot guy’s finger as he stretched and it caught the light. Panic set in as you locked eyes. Once he realized what had made you so alarmed, he was equally baffled.

"Did we... get married," you stammered, your voice shaky.

His eyes widened, and he sat up abruptly. "Married? No way. I mean, I like you, but this is crazy. Even by my standards!"

As you both tried to make sense of the situation, you exchanged uncertain glances. He scratched his head, looking around the room as if it held clues to the night's events.

"We must've had one hell of a night," he said, confusion lacing his voice. It almost sounded as if he wasn’t speaking directly to you.

Still struggling to recall the details yourself, you brought to mind some dancing and what seemed like a relentless stream of shots. Embarrassingly enough, you weren’t even sure of his name. You thought on it for a moment and ‘Joey’ echoed faintly in your memory, but the rest still proved elusive.

"Okay, we need to figure this out," Joey declared, determination in his eyes. "First things first, what's your name?"

You instinctively wanted to hit him for not remembering your name, but you hadn’t immediately remembered his either. So, fair is fair.

As you both retraced your steps from the previous night, more snippets of memories emerged. A quirky and sort of bad Elvis impersonator, and a spontaneous —or perhaps the better word was reckless— decision to get married bridged the gaps in your mind.

By the time you reached the casino where it all began, you found yourself holding hands with Joey, your wedding rings catching the glint of the neon lights as you walked past each bright sign. You’d set out to get the marriage annulled, but the realization that you might have stumbled into something beautiful amidst the chaos of Vegas began to sink in.

"So, uh, maybe this isn't as crazy as it seemed at first," you said, having doubts. Sure, you’d made an impulsive move, but Joey was a sweet guy, someone you were willing to take a chance on, even if you weren’t drunk.

"Yeah, you think so?" You nodded, grateful for his easygoing nature at this unexpected turn of events. As you embraced the uncertainty of your newfound connection, you couldn't help but think that Vegas might have gifted you with something other than a hazy memory. It had given you a partner in the form of Joey Tribbiani.

For 🐻 Anon

Forever Tag: @baubeautyandthegeek, @ghostsunderstoodmysoul, @immyowndefender, @valencethefriendlychangeling, @crimsonwidow666, @rebelbossheart, @thedailyspiritualist, @orangeisnttheonlyfruit, @woman-simp, @aperol-with-izzy, @leonoralessoem, @ellepossum69, @lakita-fisher, @nclgsticore, @ayanthegreat28, @analuw, @luvlesavyy, @malfoyfeed, @aliciabrower, @bitchr-mkay, @sparrowspixie

Joey Tribbiani: @randomfandomimagine, @smilely-days, @phantomofclownery, @stressydepressyandlemonzesty, @ourlifeforchaos, @garlicbreadrry

[lendeah]

After the Weave 1.

series masterlist

Summary:

After defeating the Nether Brain, Gale makes a promise to Tav: he will move to Waterdeep and marry her. However, he breaks his pledge when he feels the pull of his former goddess, Mystra, and leaves to forge the Karsus Crown and become a god, which leaves Tav feeling betrayed and alone.

Astarion, now fully consumed by the shadows, offers Tav a new mission. Together, they try to rebuild themselves and move on from their past. As they rely on each other in unexpected ways, they find a new sense of purpose and meaning, and realize that fate will always lead you back to where you belong.

Pairing: Astarion x OFC!Tav, past Gale x OFC!Tav

Tags: Angst, Drinking to Cope, References to Depression, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Emotional Baggage, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Post-Break Up, Tav finds herself again with Astarion, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD

Word count: 4.4k

Warnings: mentions of alcohol consumption, language.

Also on AO3

Being with him was like being enveloped in a warm, golden glow; his presence adding vibrancy and light to every moment. Even in the bleakest moments, when I felt lost in the chaos of battle, he remained a constant beacon of hope and love. His strong arms always provided support and comfort, our souls intertwining in ways I never thought possible. But every now and then, when the chaos around us subsided and we had a moment of peace, Gale would pull me away from the rest of our troop. We would find a quiet spot, away from prying eyes, and just be together. In those moments, it was like the rest of the world didn't exist. It was just him and me.

"With you, I forget my goddess. I love you" he had whispered in my ear, under a sea of stars. And in that moment, it felt like all of my doubts and fears disappeared. Gale's love for me was real and true; it was something worth holding onto amidst the chaos of war.

So as we stood victorious over the defeated Brain, I turned to the wizard with a triumphant smile and tears streaming down my cheeks. This was what we had risked our lives for, what we had fought and bled for.

"Beloved," Gale whispered, his voice brimming with emotion. "We have faced countless perils together, defying fate itself. Our love has withstood trials and tribulations that most would crumble under. I cannot fathom another day without you by my side."He took a step closer, our bodies gravitating towards each other as if pulled by an invisible force.

The crashing waves and salty sea air filled their lungs as they stood on the decks of the city, overlooking the ocean. The sun was setting in a blaze of pink and orange, casting a warm glow over our faces. "Let us leave this place," he said, his voice trembling with emotion. "We should go back home to Waterdeep. We can build a life together, away from the battles and the constant threat of danger. We can find solace in each other's arms, and create a haven where love and peace reign supreme." he took a deep breath, mustering the courage to add, "Let's get married." His words resonated deep within my soul, stirring a longing I hadn't realized was there. Yes, Waterdeep, the city of wonders and dreams, seemed like the perfect place to start our new chapter.

"Yes," I whispered, the word escaping my lips like a fervent prayer. "I'd be honored to marry you, Gale Dekarios."

He took me that same night, slow and deliberate, as if we had all the time in the world. As we laid in each other's arms, the the warm body next to mine, our intertwined hands, and synchronized breaths felt like an unbreakable bond, our future stretching out before us like an endless summer day. And through the days following the battle, it did. Helping reconstruct buildings, tending the wounded, and giving food and shelter to those in need; everything was keeping us so busy that I didn't notice the faraway look in his eyes. He still held me close at night, his touch as loving as ever, but something seemed to be weighing heavily on his mind.

One morning, exactly one week after the last battle, when my hand reached out instinctively to the side of the bed where Gale used to lay, I felt coldness that wasn't there before. The familiar scent of his cologne lingered in the air, but the silence revealed a very different reality. A heavy feeling settled in my chest as I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat. My eyes scanned our small tent frantically, searching for any sign of him, but all that remained was a single letter addressed to me. Its edges were slightly crumpled, evidence of many folds and unfolding during long nights. With trembling hands, I opened it and read every word carefully, trying to hold onto every piece of him that I could.

To my love

The crown is somewhere in the Chionthar. If I salvage the stones I can reforge it. Only then can I attain the power to protect us from all harm, my love. We could rule together, you as my goddess by my side as I ascend to godhood. I know I pledged to forsake my past for you, but now I must break that vow. The weight of this curse is too heavy for me to bear alone, and I cannot bear the thought of living with it forever. I need to confront her, to stand as her equal this time. I will do everything in my power to surpass her, to make up for all the wrongs she has done, even if it means leaving you behind. But you must understand that if I am successful, I will return to you and make up for all the time we have lost. Please hold onto hope and know that my heart aches with every step I take away from you.

Farewell, my love, until we can be reunited once again.

My tears turned into a relentless stream, blurring the words on Gale's letter as I read it for what felt like the hundredth time. Each phrase cut deeper than the last, carving painful wounds that would never heal. How could he do this to me? Betrayal and rage consumed me as I struggled to understand how the person who had asked me to marry him barely days before could turn their back on it for the sake of power and vengeance.

After that, everything became a blur. I found myself falling into a rhythm of constant busyness. I would wake up at the crack of dawn and immediately begin tackling the tasks that awaited me. And while it brought me some sense of fulfillment to help those in need, it also served as a convenient distraction from Gale's absence and his quest for power. If I kept myself busy enough, I wouldn't have time to dwell on my shattered relationship with Gale, on the nightmares that plagued my mind with the blood and death I had been through in the last year.

I had become known as the go-to person for any problem, big or small. I made sure to accept every task that came my way, no matter how difficult or time-consuming it may have been. Whether it was helping someone mend their broken roof or comforting a grieving family, I threw myself into each task with determination and purpose. But it wasn't just physical tasks that occupied my time. Many villagers would come to me seeking advice or simply wanting someone to listen to their troubles. And so, in addition to being their physical savior, I became their emotional support as well. For that brief moment when they smiled or thanked me for my help, all the weight on my shoulders lifted and for just a moment, everything felt okay again. Yet, behind my forced smile and empathetic words lay the reality of my shattered existence, haunted each night by the memories of my past as the darkness enveloped me.

Each night, I awoke drenched in sweat, my mind haunted by visions of cruel emperors, slaughtered gnomes, and fallen tieflings. The stench of death clung to me, as if the blood was still fresh on my hands. And the nightmare continued, as I woke up alone in a dirty basement, with no one to turn to. So it became my mission not to sleep; if I was busy and distracted, I didn't have time to think about Gale or death. And if my actions were making other people happy in the process, then everyone won.

However, as the days passed, I could feel myself becoming more and more distant from my friends. With Halsin, Wyll and Karlach gone, Lae'zel busy settling her people in the city, Shadowheart tirelessly rebuilding Selûne's temple, and Astarion retreating into the shadows, I felt completely alone. I found myself longing for their company, for the familiar banter and laughter we used to share. But every time I even attempted to reach out to them, something held me back. Maybe it was fear of being a burden or just not wanting to face my own emotions by confronting theirs. And even on those few occasions I did meet with Lae'zel or Shadowheart, I couldn't bring myself to tell them about Gale's letter or how much it hurt me because I couldn't bear to see their pity or judgment.

"He's just traveling. You know him, always seeking knowledge!" I lied through gritted teeth.

But deep down, I knew that the lie was eating away at my soul. The truth was too painful to voice out loud, even to my closest companions.

So, I buried my agony in feeling helpful, as I always did. I worked tirelessly to provide aid to those who had lost their homes and loved ones. I took on more tasks, stayed up later, and pushed myself beyond my limits. But it seemed like the harder I tried to deny my emotions, the louder they screamed for attention. My exhaustion finally caught up to me, both physically and mentally. One day, as I was helping a family rebuild their home after a devastating fire, I collapsed from exhaustion. The family helped me, of course, but word quickly spread that I had fallen ill. People began to avoid me, their once-welcoming demeanor turning cold and distant. They no longer sought out my help or accepted any aid I offered. This only added to my mounting frustration and despair, until finally, I reached my breaking point.

With nothing but time on my hands, the memories of Gale flooded back with a force that knocked me off balance. All those moments we shared flashed before my eyes in vivid detail – our first meeting on the portal, our adventures in the underdark, where we had first kissed, him asking to marry me... It was like ripping open an old wound that never fully healed. But even worse were the memories of slashing, cutting, severing flesh, of fresh blood and dead bodies. I needed another distraction; and that distraction came in the form of wine and rum. But even as I drowned my sorrows in ale, I knew it was a temporary escape. The sweet burn of alcohol numbed the pain for a little while, but it always came back tenfold once the drinks wore off. Before long, I found myself frequenting taverns more and more often. It was my new coping mechanism, my escape from reality. With each passing day, I could feel myself spiraling deeper into despair and self-pity.

One night, as I stumbled out of yet another tavern, swaying on unsteady legs, the piercing sound of my name being called cut through the fog of alcohol-induced numbness.

"Elara, what-?" The voice was familiar and filled with concern. "Oh gosh... he has left for good, hasn't he?" the tone was gentle but firm.

My dizzy eyes can make up a silver updo and tan skin. I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself as I glance over at Shadowheart. Her usually warm and welcoming expression was replaced by a mix of concern and disappointment.

I let out a bitter laugh before taking another swig of rum. "No shit," my words are slurred and barely coherent. "I can't believe you really bought into that whole traveling bullshit."

Shadowheart's expression shifts from concern to irritation as she leans closer to me. "Don't you dare mock me," she hisses. "You know as well as I do that something is wrong with you."

I smile grimly

"Oh, so now you care?" I say, trying to glare at Shadowheart through bleary eyes. "You have been away for months and it's only now you decide to play the savior card."

Shadowheart's expression darkened at my words, and I could see the hurt in her eyes. But I am too angry, too drunk, to care.

"Well, I'm doing just fine," I continue, taking another long sip of my drink. "So why don't you return to your temple or whatever shithole you came from and leave me alone."

She rolls her eyes.

"Yes. Of course, you're doing fine. You're so fine that I found you lying in a tavern, wallowing in self-pity, drunk off your ass. Clearly the picture of good health and sound mind."

I scoffed, staring at Shadowheart with glazed eyes. "What do you know about me? About what I've been through?" My words slurred together, fueled by the mixture of anger and alcohol coursing through my veins. "You think you can just waltz back into my life and judge me? Well, you can't. You have no idea what it feels like to be abandoned by the person you love."

Shadowheart's brows furrowed, her normally composed demeanor faltering for a moment. "I do know" she snapped "In fact, the person I love is all the way down in the freaking avernus!"

The word hung in the air between us, the weight of its significance crashing down on me like a heavy stone. I stare at Shadowheart, the alcohol dulling my senses but unable to numb the pang of guilt in my chest. She's right - I hadn't even considered what she must be going through, separated from Karlach.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, lowering my eyes in shame.

Shadowheart's expression softens slightly.

"It's alright. I know you're hurting." She pauses, choosing her next words carefully. "But drinking yourself to death won't make the pain go away. It will only make things worse."

I struggle to keep my mouth shut, but my stubbornness gets the best of me and I shake my head defiantly. "I don't care," I mutter through clenched teeth, taking another long sip of my drink. But deep down, I know that's a lie. All I want is to forget, but part of me knows that I can't just push these feelings away so easily.

Shadowheart sighs and reaches to grab my hand.

"Listen to me," she says firmly, looking me in the eyes with a determined gaze. "I know how hard this is for you. But you can't give up like this. We need you - your friends need you."

A surge of anger rises within me at her words, and I jerk my hand away from hers.

"Don't talk to me about friends," I snap bitterly. "Where were my friends when I needed them? Everyone left." I choke "Everyone always leaves."

Shadowheart's face creases "We were all dealing with grief in our own ways."

I scoff and take another gulp of my drink.

"Grief? Is that what you call it? How convenient."

Shadowheart's eyes narrow slightly at my accusation, but she keeps her composure. "I never abandoned you," she says firmly."None of us did. We were worried about you."

I let out a bitter laugh.

"Sure, you were all so worried."

After a long moment, she lets out an exhausted sigh, seemingly coming to terms with the fact that I will not budge on my decision. "You know what? Fine. Drink yourself into oblivion," she says with a resigned tone. "But just know that when you're ready to face reality, we'll be waiting." Slowly, she turns and leaves the dimly lit street.

----------------------------------------------

Several days later, I find myself in a similar situation, but at a different place. I wanted to ensure that none of the others will attempt to track me down. While Shadowheart's words still hangered in my mind, I couldn't help but feel shame at the person I have become. It was hard to admit that I needed their help. Accepting it would mean admitting defeat and acknowledging that I hit rock bottom. But the hardest part was accepting that Gale would never come back to me, enduring the nightmares without any ale to numb them.

I sit alone at a table in the corner, watching the other clients as they laugh and drink with their companions. I envy their untroubled attitude and wish I could join in on their happiness. But deep down, I know that my grief is consuming me.

A group of rowdy half-orcs stumble over to my table, clearly drunk and looking for trouble. I try to ignore them, hoping they will just pass by. But instead, they stop right beside me and leer down at me with malicious grins.

"Looks like we found ourselves a little present," one of them slurs, gesturing towards me with his mug.

Another one takes a step closer and smirks at my face, his breath reeking of alcohol. "Look at her, all alone and pathetic."

My hands grip the edge of the table tightly as I feel a surge of anger rising within me. If I had my magic... But I take a deep breath and try to keep my voice steady as I respond,"There is nothing here for you."

The orcs, however, don't seem to care about my words as they continue to make crude comments about my appearance.

"All those scars, what are you? A mercenary?" one of them snorts, taking another step closer.

I feel a lump form in my throat as I struggle to hold back tears. Normally, I would have stood up for myself or even fought back, but tonight I am too lost in my own misery to even react. Suddenly, one of them reaches out and grabs my arm forcefully, causing me to flinch in fear.

"Come on, babe," he slurs. "I'll make you forget all about your troubles."

I start to panic, my mind racing as I search for a way out of this situation.

But before things can escalate any further, a strong hand grabs one of the men's wrists and forcefully pulls him away from me.

I look up to see a familiar face - For a second, I think it's going to be Shadowheart again, a flash of ivory hair aprearing in the corner of my eye. But then I realize it's someone much, much worse.

"Leave her alone," he growls, his voice full of authority.

It seems like they want to replicate, but once they take a look at his bared fangs, the half-orcs hesitate for a moment before backing off and leaving the tavern with grumbles and curses. When he turns his head back to me, Astarion has his usual smirk plastered over his face.

"Hello, my dear" His sharp features and piercing eyes send a shiver down my spine. "I see you've fallen quite low since our last encounter."

"What do you want, Astarion?" I spit out through gritted teeth, still shaken. Yet another companion to make fun of my state. Great.

Astarion sits down across from me, still wearing his smirk. "Just curious to see how you were coping without your favorite vampire comrade," he taunts, taking a sip of his drink. "Not very well, by the looks of you." he comments, gesturing towards my disheveled appearance. I feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment as I try to smooth out my hair and straighten my clothes. This is not how I wanted to be seen by any of my friends, let alone Astarion.

"Whatever" I reply nonchalantly, "Did Shadowheart tell you to come here?"

Astarion smirks, knowing exactly how to push my buttons. "No, no, she didn't. I just happened to be in the area and thought I'd check up on my dear friend." His words drip with sarcasm.

I scoff and take another swig of my drink, trying to ignore him.

"But really," Astarion leans in closer. "What happened? One minute we're all fighting side by side, and the next, you're drowning yourself in ale."

I glared back at him, feeling defensive. "None of your damn business."

He leaned back with a smug grin. "Ah, but I think it is."

I let out an exasperated sigh and take another swig of my drink, hoping he'll get the hint and leave me alone. But as usual, Astarion seems to enjoy getting under my skin. He reaches across the table and grabs my drink before I can protest.

"Hey!" I try to grab it back but he holds it out of reach.

"No more drinking for you," he says with a mock stern expression. "Now tell me what's going on."

"Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine." I say, trying to dismiss the conversation.

Astarion's eyes narrow as he studies me intently. "Fine? You look like you've been through hell." he states bluntly.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair again, feeling a sense of exhaustion wash over me. Maybe it's because of everything that has happened in the past few days or maybe it's just the alcohol finally catching up to me.

I glare daggers at him and finally relent with a heavy sigh. "Fine. Gale...he's gone."

"Gone?" Astarion's eyebrows raise in surprise. "As in dead?"

I shake my head sadly. "No...just...gone." My voice cracks on the last word and I have to take a deep breath to compose myself.

A look of understanding crosses Astarion's face and he nods slowly. "Well, it looks like he really went all in on his illusions this time."

I sigh, in no mood for jesting.

Astarion, sensing my lack of humor, leans back in his chair and adopts a more serious expression. "I'm sorry for your loss," he says sincerely, sliding my drink back across the table towards me.

I reluctantly take the drink and give him a nod of acknowledgment, appreciating his rare display of empathy."Thank you," I reply, my voice softening slightly. "I appreciate that."

He nods, seemingly lost in thought for a moment before speaking again. "Although, you know, at the end of the day it's Gale we are talking about, so is it really that big of a loss?"

I roll my eyes at Astarion's insensitive comment. "He was still a good boyfriend, despite his flaws," I reply pointedly.

"Hmm..." Astarion seems to be pondering this before shrugging nonchalantly. "Well, if you say so."

I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down before continuing. "Anyway, what do you want from me? You always have an ulterior motive for your visits"

Astarion smirks again, leaning back in his chair. "You know me so well," he drawls sarcastically. "I actually came here with an interesting proposition."

I raise an eyebrow skeptically. "What kind of proposition?"

He smirks, "You see, even though I excel at pretty much everything, it appears I'm struggling with the... spawn issue, if you know what I mean." He pauses dramatically, waiting for my reaction. "And being the hero that you are," he continues with a hint of condescension, "I was wondering if you could grace me with your whole knight in shining armor wisdom and help me out. Not that I actually need it, mind you. I just think even someone as skilled as myself needs guidance in this kind of situations." He leans back in his chair, with a relaxed smile.

"No"

His face falls dramatically. "What? What do you mean no?"

I roll my eyes.

"I mean exactly what I said," I reply firmly, not breaking eye contact with Astarion. "I have no interest in being your 'knight in shining armor' or helping you with any spawn issues. Find someone else to pester."

Astarion's face falls at my immediate rejection, but he quickly composes himself and leans forward with a suave smile. "Come on, darling," he purrs, reaching out to touch my hand. "Think of the thrill, the excitement of facing such a challenge together."He pauses and adds "just like the old times."

A wave of emotion washes over me at the mere thought. Memories of the past flood my mind, when Gale's presence provided a comforting weight on my side. When our group was at its strongest and most united, standing together against all odds. When everything seemed so easy, so at reach.

I reply with a bitter tone, "Those days are gone for good."

Astarion groans "Gosh, will you stop being so dramatic."

I raise an eyebrow at that. He is one to talk.

Astarion chuckles at my eyebrow raise, a playful glint in his eyes. "Touché, my dear." he admits. "But I'm serious about this, you know. We make a great team, you and I. And who knows, maybe hunting down vampire spawn will help distract you from your... sorrows."

I sigh, torn between the desire to wallow in my grief and the possibility of finding some kind of purpose again. I will admit, weeping and drinking myself to sleep every night does, while comforting, sounds sad. Plus, Astarion's proposition is tempting. At least that way I will have something other than ale to distract myself with.

"Fine," I finally relent, surprising both him and myself. "But Just because I'm agreeing to this doesn't mean I have forgotten you haven't reached out in months."

Astarion's smirk widens as he raises an eyebrow mockingly. "Oh, I would never dream of such a thing," he says with exaggerated sincerity."But let's just say, I did save your sorry behind from those hideous orcs. So I'd say we're even now."

I roll my eyes at his theatrics but can't help feeling a glimmer of anticipation deep within me. Perhaps there is still some fight left in me after all.

With a clap of his hands, he exclaims triumphantly,"It's decided then, dear Elara. You'll join me at the Crimson Palace tomorrow. I've already arranged for a room for you here," he says smoothly. "And trust me, it's much more luxurious than any tent or tavern room you've ever stayed in."

My brows furrow

"Absolutely not. I refuse to live in that sinister place." I say firmly. "Much less if it's with you"

Astarion lets out a dramatic sigh. "Oh, of course not. Because living alone in a moldy, cramped basement beneath the barracks is much more appealing."

I narrow my eyes at him suspiciously. It almost sounds like he's been planning this for a while now.

"Wait, what? How do you even..." And then, I know. "Shadowheart told you, didn't she? Is there anything she didn't tell you? That damned snitch."

Astarion chuckles at my outburst and shrugs nonchalantly. "She may have mentioned it," he admits with a sly grin."She has always been keen on gossip, after all."

I let out an exasperated sigh and shake my head.

Astarion grins, his red eyes sparkling with amusement "You can't expect me to trust you to do a good job while out of my sight. I mean, from what I see now, you could scape at any moment to get drunk and pass out in the street. And then, what good would that do to our poor spawn?" He says, pretending to be deeply worried.

I roll my eyes and cross my arms defensively. "Fine," I huff. "You win. I'll stay at the Crimson Palace, but only because it's the best option for the spawn."

Astarion raises an eyebrow in mock surprise. "Oh, so you do care about the spawn after all? I'm touched," he says sarcastically.

I shoot him a glare, and he relents with a smirk.

"Alright, alright. Enjoy your drinking session then. But don't forget, tomorrow we have important responsibilities."

"Ah yes, the joys of parenthood" I say sarcastically.

And to my surprise, I don't even finish my drink before returning to my basement, finally having something to look forward to.