#and I often wonder if thay are still here

[mad-world3]

I absolutely love when I accidentally stumble upon a Tumblr users while reading comics/graphic novels

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Well... at lease we have Wandee & Stand-in?

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

May 2024 Wk 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Godday (Sat YT) ep 4 of 12 - The geept is strong with this one AKA Yak CAN flirt. Wandee now knows he isn’t the only one with a crush on someone else. AND YET they are SO DAMN CUTE together. I do wonder sometime if Yak is running a counter con with Dee pretending to have a crush on Taem. Meanwhile, mad props on the HPV vax public service! Good for them!!! Now that's my kind of product placement. I do have a feeling the sad bit with these two is gonna be VERY sad and last longer than we like. 

My Stand-In (Thai Fri iQIYI) ep 5 of 12 eps - It’s a riveting show. Pleasant? No. Riveting? Yes. Tiny crumbs for Ming’s assistant. Joe is best boy. That is all. I LOVE this show.

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 8 of 16 - TOO MANY SOUND EFFECTS. Omg get your fingers off those buttons you computer wanking sound dude (you know it’s a dude) what tf do you think this is? Lovely Writer? Also, they left ALL their drinks! Can you not walk and drink at the same time in a BL? Meanwhile not much happened that hadn’t already happened AKA bit of a filler ep. That said, the friendship group stuff is glorious!!! Also this brand of super gentle flirting suits PondPhuwin better than any of their prior rolls. It reminds me of how much I think they suit a historical. There is a gentle dignity to these two. 

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 7 of 12 - I love how kindly the turn down was. But most of the dancing stuff was dull. I don’t know I just find the actor playing Kang pretty vacant of appeal I guess. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - As is not uncommon with JBL I’m being to get frustrated with Yuki the Uke. Sigh. I’m probably gonna stay that way for several episodes given the pacing of this show. 

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 7 of 10 - Also frustrating. Willful misunderstanding. We got us some running of the gays but boy is this drawn out. 

Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 3-4 of 6 - The puppy is a bit too much sunshine innocent for me. And the professor is a bit creepy. I don't know, I'm not loving this one like I want to.

It's airing but...

You Made My Day (Thai YT) ep 1 of 5 - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard.

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS. How?

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ????) ep 2 of 10 - yeah I can't find it.

In case you missed it

Crossing my fandoms moment, major Kpop blog ran the following: OMEGA X Hangyeom Talks Jazz For Two, Brotherhood, And More With KpopStarz

Tis the season of remakes? Both Addicted Heroin (August, my love!) and My Love Mix-Up (G4!) are coming from Thailand. I am very excited to see both. I love a Thai remake, often more than the original.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

May Releases

VBL (Taiwan) is releasing 4 'Special Episode' epilogues to their 4 2023 shows every Friday this month on Gagaoolala, Viki & Viu. Not sure on search terms or how to find these. (Or, frankly, if we need them.)

5/10 – You Are Mine

5/17 – VIP Only

5/24 – Stay By My Side

5/31 – Anti Reset

5/28 My Biker 2 (Thai movie YT?) - trailer

5/30 Knock Knock Boys (Thai Thurs WeTV & Gaga) - I do love Best and I'm interested in seeing him in a new pairing. That said, I'm not wild about Seng. Still, this looks like a chaotic pulpy mess, I'm looking forward to wallowing in it one way or another.

5/31 The Time of Huannan (Taiwan movie) - May not be BL

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

All Wandee Gooday.

Icky no longer allows screen shots or there would have been a bunch from Stand-in.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity

@rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinate wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember:

[lurkingteapot]

Free Thai language learning resources

I’ve been learning Thai for the past 20 months. This list is by no means complete or comprehensive, what works for me doesn’t have to work for you, etc etc. That said: I’ve used most of these and found them useful, I thought you might, too. Have fun!

Youtube channels with free video lessons:

There are tons of wonderful teachers on youtube; this is by no means an exhaustive list. The three channels listed here are comprehensive, long-running, and updated regularly; if you have other favourites, please reblog and append!

Comprehensible Thai is a channel that teaches Thai in Thai, from zero, via the comprehensible input method. They have videos from total beginner through upper intermediate/lower advanced levels available.

Learn Thai with Mod – Mod runs a language school that offers good, structured group classes; she and her co-teachers often upload short videos about specific aspects of Thai. The channel has been around for a long time and they cover a lot of topics, including grammar points.

Thai Lessons by New (Learn Thai one Word one Sentence) – lots of good vocabulary and situational phrases

Other channels I like:

Advanced Thai with Kruu Momm -- one of my favourites, Momm’s a star. Not included in the upper list only because this is definitely more of an intermediate-advanced resource.

Thai with Grace -- I knew of Grace via her polyglot channel and travel vlogs before I realised she also teaches Thai. Fun stuff.

Kat talks Thai -- I believe Kat is more active on instagram (@kattalksthai), but these are still really neat.

Perth Nakhun’s Basic Thai playlist

Honourable mentions because they’re interesting and can be nice supplements (yes, the video titles on these channels tend to be clickbaity, the content is useful, though):

Stu Jay Raj: Stu is a polyglot based in Thailand. His channel is a bit of a mixed bag, but he has a very interesting approach to languages and sometimes does foreign accent reduction / accent analysis sessions on his channel (with consent and participation of those whose speech he dissects).

Thai Talk with Paddy: Paddy is an Australian who learned Thai when he was a volunteer in Thailand, he’s kept it up. Fun things about language learning and culture

Listening comprehension

I’m assuming many folks on here who are interested in Thai already watch some Thai shows (yes I’m stereotyping but also this is tumblr), which means you’re spending time listening to Thai.

If you’re not:

Netflix, Youtube, WeTV, and Viki all have several Thai shows with English subtitles available. The Youtube channel of Thai broadcasting giant GMMTV has English subtitles on nearly all of their uploaded series, some series are also subtitled in languages other than English. one31 is another huge channel; they have English subtitles on some series and some series also have subtitles in Thai. There’s tons more – find a rec list and a Thai show that sounds like you’d enjoy it, chances are you’ll be able to watch it for free, legally, on youtube. You can use the youtube controls (or the ones on netflix) to turn the speed down to 75% —this can make it a lot easier to catch what’s being said. 50% gets so draggy that I personally find it almost harder to understand, but ymmv—give it a shot!

https://lingopolo.org/thai/ has real-life recordings for listening practice; sign-up is required but it’s literally just an e-mail-address, user name and password. Using the site is free.

https://www.activethai.com/ has a section dedicated to learning the tones (under “Overview of Thai Tones”) including a self-test for listening that I found very useful.

Learning to read

I will always, always, ALWAYS recommend learning to read the Thai script. All available romanisations for Thai have drawbacks, and besides, you learned to read English with its “though through thorough tough thought”, you can damn well learn to read Thai. I promise it will help you improve your pronunciation (yes, really) and overall understanding of how the language works.

Learn-to-Read-Thai resources that seem comprehensive and like they should do everything in one:

Anki decks “Read Thai PHASE 1 - The Consonants“, “Read Thai PHASE 2 - Thai Vowels“, “Read Thai PHASE 3 - Consonant Classes” and “Read Thai PHASE 4 - Tone Rules” by Khruu Gaan (ครูกานต์). Anki is probably the most powerful spaced repetition software I have ever used. It’s free on all desktops and android. These decks have sound.

Memrise course “Read Thai: A Complete Guide to Reading Thai“

Other resources I used (In hindsight, I feel like I should’ve picked one resource to learn to read from and stuck with it; I think I was rushing and made things more complicated than need be for myself with my hodgepodge mix-and-match approach. But hey, I can read now.)

https://www.activethai.com/ – the site I started with. Teaches the consonants separated by class and with sound. The only reason this is no longer my top recommendation is that I ended up using this alongside a resource that helped me memorise what the words used to represent the letters actually mean because the site itself didn’t tell me, and I wanted that easy way to have 44 vocabulary words ready as soon as you’re done learning your consonants, and it gives you access to neat mnemonics such as ไก่จิกเด็กตาย(เฎ็กฏาย)บนปากโอ่ง.

The chart on Wikipedia’s English article on the Thai Script

the reference section of Thai-Language.com

In order to better learn to read Thai written in different fonts (modern and handwriting fonts can be tough at first), the Thai Script typographical styles overview on Thai-language.com was a huge help, as was throwing simple phrases things into gdocs and messing around to see how different fonts made them look. This chart from sanukmaak.com also helped.

Speaking and pronunciation

The hardest one for any new language for most folks. For me personally, finding someone who speaks the language and is willing to correct me was an absolute necessity, but I know that’s not always an option. If you’re going it on your own, make sure you check out the resources above for learning to hear the tones and those sounds and sound clusters not present in your own language correctly first.

Things to try on your own:

shadowing: Whenever someone on a show utters a sentence you think might be useful, or provide a useful pattern, or something just sounds cool, rewind and try to speak along as they say it, trying to make it sound as close to their pronunciation as you can.

try to record yourself and listen back -- yes, it’s cringe af but it will HELP.

memorising short sentences and phrases: tying back to the section above, there's a ton of youtube videos that is "phrases to use in [situation]" that are great for targeted learning if you're up for it

self talk (cautiously! don't want to cement bad pronunciation habits)

if you’re linguistically inclined: looking up descriptions on how to make a sound correctly sometimes helps, as does watching videos of folks who’ve successfully learned the language.

once you’ve learned to read: find sentences to read somewhere (twitter, a textbook, whatever) and read them into your phone’s dictation engine. See if the software understands you correctly. Adjust as needed until it does.

Websites and apps to find language partners or (paid) tutors

Like any other app where you ‘meet people’, please exercise caution on these.

italki (mainly for finding tutors and teachers, but you can find language partners on the forums)

Preply (web/app) (for finding tutors/teachers)

hellotalk (app only, iOS/android) for finding language partners -- free to use basic features like messaging, voice rooms, etc; has annoying ads

tandem (app only, iOS/android) for finding language partners -- free to use basic features, has ads

any other app or website that’ll let you meet people, like local facebook groups (yes really), instagram, etc

(note: Neither hellotalk nor tandem allow users to sign up without selecting a binary gender. it sucks. I’ve seen people who managed to circumvent this on Hellotalk by signing up via apple ID (? I think), but it’s hearsay and I have not managed to do so myself.)

Books (a book) that are (is) worth spending money on imo

Higbie & Thinsan: Thai Reference Grammar. The Structure of Spoken Thai. Orchid Press: Bangkok, 2002. Yes, it’s ancient in textbook terms. It’s not perfect, but it’s still the best reference grammar for Thai I’ve come across so far, and I use it frequently.

Random bits and bobs

Stu Jay Raj has two videos in particular that I, as a phonetics-and-phonology-loving person, loved and found extremely useful and wished I’d watched before I started to try and learn the script: Thai Vowels for Dummies in 5 Min v2 - A System Impossible to Forget and Thai Bites Extended Edition - Transliterating Thai using IPA. I realise these may be overwhelming and less helpful for people with no prior phonetics or phonology training, but they helped me so much it’d feel amiss not to include them.

Resources I recommend AGAINST using when starting out

drops/hello words -- seems like their Thai courses have been created using machine translation that wasn’t sufficiently proofread. They will assign you nouns in places of the corresponding verb or false cognates, and that’s within the first 10 or so lessons. Might be useful once the level where a learner can tell “ah, yeah, that’s … not right” has been reached? idk.

transcription as generated by google translate: BURN IT WITH FIRE. it’s a transliteration, i.e. 1-to-1 representation of 1 Thai letter = 1 Latin letter (extended), it’s not phonemic, it’s not going to help ANYONE (and those who can make sense of it presumably already read Thai and would be better off with just Thai script). Just. Stop.

Google translate as a dictionary: still shitty but not AS bad as the transcription function. Still, for the love of all that you hold dear, please, save yourself the pain and confusion and just use thai2english or thai-language.com instead.

---

And that’s that from me, friends. Yeeting this into the void before I second-guess myself more. Please append additional resources!

Edited to fix a couple of typos and errors on 2023-06-15

[rdng1230]

Any SalTommy headcanons?

Thanks for the ask I have literally So many! ok I’m putting these into categories. The first is happy fluffy fun, the second and third is something I’ll probably have to discuss in therapy next week 🙃. For reals, I almost deleted those last paragraphs because here this nice person has come to my ask box and my brain has decided to reciprocate with the most hurt no comfort shit it’s ever concocted. Ok happy stuff first!

Saltommy as besties:

they are attached at the hip and their two favorite activities are Muay Thai and action movie marathons. At some point they get overly into the Guy Ritchie British gangster type movies and Hen has to institute a “stupid British accent” jar for the two of them.

Tommy and Sal don’t hang out that often once they leave the 118. But Tommy is ride or die for Sal’s daughter. He’s the fun uncle that isn’t constantly there but when he is he does something insanely awesome like build her a treehouse or a bottle cannon or something.

The reason Gina dragged Sal to twilight was because she is bisexual and just as into Kristen Stewart as he is. When Tommy *finally* comes out it’s actually Sal that suggests Gina take Tommy to his first pride. Sal stays at home with his daughter so Tommy and Gina end up having a very fun and alcohol filled night a la the bachelor party that wasn’t. (goddammit I think I just gave myself another fic in the series to write.)

k well that’s enough happiness this is about to get insanely angsty for no fucking reason besides apparently that my brain wants me to suffer today. If your brain does not desire to feed the angst demon inside of you, for the love of god stop reading now. I will NOT be offended because I wrote the damn thing and I think I took it too far. Also it gets a lil NSFW from here.

Evil toxic fucked up Saltommy:

Tommy’s fucked up dad and then fucked up army superiors and then fucked up captain Gerrard taught tommy he was safer following the big tough guy. He knows Sal is bad for him, knows Sal doesn’t love him, but he figures being useful is good enough when he knows he won’t be wanted. He lets Sal take more than he should, usually discreet hand/blowjobs in the showers or broom closet (yeah the metaphor isn’t lost on him)

They have a horrible call where the one person they did manage to rescue suddenly codes in the ambulance. A version of Sal that Tommy’s never seen before shows up at Tommy’s house. It’s the only time Sal ever lets Tommy fuck him and after it’s over, Tommy holds him and runs his hand through Sal’s hair. They fall asleep together but when Tommy wakes up Sal is long gone. The following week Sal is absolutely vicious to everyone. He ends up getting hurt and Tommy patches him up. As Tommy sterilizes a wound just above his eye, Sal grabs his arm and stares at him. It’s an apology, and it’s also an ending. Tommy still follows Sal, always one pace behind, but they’re never intimate again.

Idk I guess doomed lovers Saltommy? Sal’s not as much of a monster but they’re still not healthy:

There’s always a heat to Tommy and Sal’s banter and Tommy genuinely wonders if someday Sal might tip them into something more. One of the 118 probies dies and Sal on some level believes it’s his fault. The night of the probies funeral Sal’s just numb and Tommy suggests Sal crash his couch. Tommy hates seeing Sal in pain like that and hovers in front of the bedroom door wondering if he should go to him. He’s shocked when Sal opens the door and suddenly they’re in Tommy’s bed. He’s surprised by how cuddly Sal is. (And if you’re like hey that sounds a bit like Booth & Brennan shhhhh you saw nothing)

after that they start sneaking around. At this point Gerrard is gone and they’re in the revolving door of captains stage. Tommy starts talking about potentially telling Hen and Chim, and Sal just knows deep in his gut that Tommy is the braver of the two of them, and Sal won’t be ready in the time Tommy needs him to be. Sal starts picking fights hoping Tommy will run off on his own. Eventually they do stop seeing each other romantically but Tommy’s still so *close* it’s driving Sal insane. He wants to run away with him and he wants to run away from him at the same time. When Bobby shows up and doesn’t know his ass from his elbow a lot of the time, Sal let’s all that anger and tension bubble up, on some level he knows he can’t bring himself to leave Tommy, so he pushes Bobby into sending him away by force.

After he moves to the 122 he buries himself in the work. He makes captain, even starts dating men, but still in the shadows. He hears through the grapevine that Tommy is dating the 118’s hotshot. He sees a photo of Tommy and Buck at the medal ceremony in the morning paper, looking so obviously head over heels for one another, and it’s the first and only sick day as a captain he ever takes.

[rikitachiquita]

come back... be here | ni-ki

✧ synopsis: working at a cafe can be really fun: the customers being nice, cracking jokes with your coworkers, singing while brewing coffee and so on. but it's even more fun when two members of the staff bicker and fight all day and keep everyone entertained. that's what  hybe cafe is like, thanks to ni-ki and y/n.

✦ warnings: sunoo and yeonjun dumb plan, extreme fluff

⋆20 locked in (1.1k words)

Y/n had just clocked in to work and was at the back, when the back entrance opened and closed, making a squeaking noise. she jumped at the creepy sound and when she turned around she was standing in front of a tall figure: ni-ki. 

“Hi y/n” he said. 

“Hi ni-ki” she responded “there are no customers right now i was thinking we could clean and tidy up everything so we can go home quickly at the end of the shift”

“that’s ok” he said, approving of the plan

they started cleaning and tidying the coffee shop. every now and then a customer would roll by, get a dessert or a drink, and leave quickly soon after. it seemed like no one wanted to stay out tonight.

“tonight is so dead” ni-ki said, letting out a small bored huff

“i know, it’s like they think it’s closed” y/n said

what they did not know is that while they were both at the back carrying some boxes into the storage room, yeonjun, accompanied by soobin, had come and locked the front door. and at that very moment, sunoo and beomgyu were locking the back door, making sure the two teenagers couldn’t escape. it was the biggest part of their evil plan to make ni-ki and y/n confess to each others. 

time flew by, as the two teenagers were cleaning and chatting. they still hadn’t realized that they had been locked in by their friends, so they still were wondering why no customer would stop by. at the same time, they were very glad to not have to deal with people, since they were pretty tired from the long day that was coming to an end. 

when 9 pm rolled by, they knew it was time to close up. they gathered up their belongings, turned off any useless machines and switched the lights off. y/n made her way for the front door to lock it.

when she tried to turn the handle, she realized that it was not moving. she tried to put more force but the door handle was stuck.

“ni-ki” she called out

“have you closed the door?” he asked

“no, the handle won’t move” she responded “i don’t know why”

ni-ki finally reached her and tried to open the door, but the handle was not moving.

“i’ll try from the outside, you stay here” ni-ki said. he made his way to the backdoor but as he tried to open it, he realised that it was stuck too “this one is also stuck”

“i’ll call soobin” y/n said. she was about to use the shop’s phone when she found a note

‘we were tired of you two being all lovey-dovey so we locked you here to get you together -yeonjun and sunoo <3’

it read. needless to say, all the cleaning thay had done to go home quickly turned out to be useless

“ni-ki” she said trying to stay calm “they locked us in here” she handed him the note. his expression showed surprise.

“let’s just stay here until they get tired of this little game and let us out and free” ni-ki suggested and y/n agreed.

they sat on a comfortable small pink sofa that was in the shop. they sat there, just chilling, exchanging a few words every now and then. It was actually really relaxing and comfortable.

the words exchanged became less and less and the pauses between them became longer and longer, filled with silence.

that silence allowed them time to think. y/n realized just then and there that ni-ki had really become an important part of her life. not a day would go by where they wouldn’t text or call or see each other. more often than not she would associate random things in her everyday life to ni-ki. she would find tiktoks and immediately send them to him cause they reminded her of him. she would buy him snacks that she knew he would like, just to make him happy. she would show him random pictures of silly animals (especially baby ducks and dogs) on pinterest and show them to him saying “us” to get him to laugh.

he wasn’t just a friend to her. he wasn’t just a close friend, not even just a best friend. she wanted them to be more than all of that. she wanted to give them a shot and she knew that she couldn’t wait.

as soon as the realization came to her, she had to communicate her feelings to the boy who was the cause of them. she couldn't keep them in. 

“ni-ki?” she whispered

“yeah” he responded sheepishly

“i think i do like you” she confessed

“i think i like you too. a lot” he responded looking at her. a small smile was forming on his lips. finally the girl he had been dreaming of admitted her feelings for him. his chest was tight, stuffed with emotions that he couldn’t fully understand nor organize properly. not that he wanted to, he was usually the type of person to let his positive emotions run free.

she started to smile, facing him. he opened his arms and she fell into them. the position felt safe and they were relaxed to stay so close to each other they stayed like that, embracing each other for a few minutes.

y/n then moved her face just enough so she could look at ni-ki. his content smile was so pretty it made her blush a little. he made a silly surprised face when he niìoticed the tint on her cheeks. even his mannerism made her melt, because it showed so much of his character. he was so genuine in his reactions, it really showed how everything he did was fuelled by his genuine emotions.

while she was thinking all this she didn’t really realize, but she was leaning in, just like the boy was doing. it was like they were driven by an unknown force, like it was fate. 

when they finally kissed it was sweet and slow. it wasn’t like they told in the movies, they didn’t feel the fireworks and the urgency for more. it wasn’t a beginning rush. it was delicate. it was just comfortable. it was perfect for them. this was falling in love in the sweetest, kindest way

when soobin and heeseung went to open the shop at 6 am the day after, they found the two teenagers sleeping in a tight hug on that same small sofa. that’s when they knew that yeonjun’s and sunoo’s plan had gone well.

prev - masterlist - next

✧ note: hiiiiiiiiiiiii. im so excited for this chapter but im also very sad cause it means that there's only one more update and we are done. i might cry actually. i hope someone noticed how i referenced to come back be here (the song) but changed it to fit the situation, i'm kinda proud of that tbh. HOPE U ENJOYED

✦ ad time: also CHECK OUT LI AND I'S SIDE BLOG about enha if they were italian

✧ taglist: open! ask to be added! @juyomiao @bambangan @jungw0naftalina @hoondiors @simjyunnie @yourssincerely-mimi @seunnimg

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

My memory is terrible so I wanted to do a breakdown of my stuff every once in a while. Might be monthly, might be whenever I feel like it.

QL - Currently Watching

🇯🇵25 Ji, Akasaka de [7/10] - I do love when Japan does a pov change and this was no exception. Hayama is so far gone. Like we already knew what, but he's been a goner ever since he read his name. He's being worshipped by all these people around him because apparently he's too good looking for anyone to be normal around him, and all he sees is Shirasaki. He said one sentence to him in school that he kept as a reminder. Man is obsessed. I'm so curious about next week. The lines are getting more and more blurred and eventually someone's gotta give. Also Hayama should give lessons on self-control. I have never seen anyone so completely out of his mind in love and jealous and at the same time, so put together. I'm in awe.

🇹🇭 Knock Knock, Boys! [2/12] - Strong start. It's fun, I really liked the flat sharing concept, it reminds me of my London days and kinda like Thanwa, being the mom of the house. I'm wondering if they will settle into their own in-house pairs soon or if there will be cross over, cause that would be fun. Give me mess.

🇹🇭 My Stand-In [1/12] - For a number of reasons I'm waiting to binge this one. I do love watching the gifs on my dash though, pretty is pretty.

🇹🇭 Only Boo! [8/12] - So we're done with highschool and that last episode felt a bit rushed trying to finish all those loose threads but I like that we're getting to a new chapter of their relationship. They continue to be too adorable for words. Side couple - dream kisses my beloathed. From the preview and also the number of thai bl's I've watched I'm thinking this will be a pretty straightforward 'it turns out you like him but now he moved on (not really) and you have to grovel'. I'd love to be surprised though.

🇹🇭 Wandee Goodday [4/12] - I am loving it. Pretty much everything about it. Before I say anything else. Thor is gorgeous and he should do all the shows. Forever. He and Cher are delightful and I love that they are an established couple that seem to have their own roles in the gym and their own relationship with Yak. I said this in tags before I think, but I'm finding it interesting how we collectively talk about this show ending, more often than not, with the caveat 'let's see if it holds up'. We have been burned before and not that long ago so we are all holding our breaths. Contrary to my usual state, I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about this. I think the bones are there for a good show all the way to the end. No one is perfect - except Kao, he is perfection and the ace rep I only dreamed of - and that's great. They are both smitten and complete idiots. I'm looking forward to seeing more of the backstory, and in Yak's case how much of what drives him is a consequence of loss.

🇹🇭 We Are [9/16] - Still enjoying the friendships and still bummed we have no development with Chain/Pun. We had one second of development and it was a look. So much in that look. Not really but at least it seems that Pun is aware of his feelings, so that's something. The last episode kept reminding me of Love Sick because of all the camp stuff. It's an entertaining show but the Q/Toey plot is annoying me a bit now.

QL - Finished

🇹🇭 23.5 - This show lost me about halfway through and I never really connected after that. Even if it really wasn't for me, I'm happy it exists and I hope gmmtv invests in more gl's in the future. I wanted more of the teachers but I'm not greedy and was happy to see that they are together by the end.

🇰🇷Blossom Campus - What a mess. I still cannot believe this came out of Strongberry. I posted my reactions while watching. Final thoughts here.

🇰🇷Boys Be Brave - I really liked this one. Just to get it out of the way, the side couple felt a bit unfinished and could've had a bit more screen time. All the characters had their own stuff going on and 8 episodes just isn't enough to explore that depth in a satisfactory way. With that said. I adore the mains. JinWoo built a wall, put a list on it and we got to see Kiseob slowly tearing it down in its own unhinged unique way. I did a rewatch and something I didn't notice the first time is that when Kiseob is 'caught' with Inho and is explaining what happened while JinWoo hides under the bed, he enumerates what happened just like JinWoo always does. I thought it was so endearing. I found Kiseob's presence on screen always so bright and JinWoo's actor was really compelling to watch. Overall this was a really nice surprise.

🇯🇵 Living with him - Writing this when I literally finished and it's strange. Cause they are so cute by the end. That whole festival date was so adorable, and I think they played the awkwardness of the dynamic change really well. I do think the show dragged in parts and Natsukawa became a tiny bit annoying to me at a certain point. Because he found out so early that Kazuhito liked him that I thought the indecision was too much at times. I kept comparing it in my head to I Cannot Reach You, and the way both Kakeru and Natsukawa's lack of confidence plays a part in how they deal with the friend liking them, but I think in this case the back and forth in his head was irritating to me. It was always one step forward, two steps back. When he found the magazine in that last episode I wanted to punch a wall. Like, oh crap here he goes again. It's great that the friend was passing by so he could do all the work and get these two finally together. For the most part I really enjoyed it.

🇰🇷Love Is Like a Cat - That was a show that I watched. Final thoughts

Rose Watches OJBL

The Novelist (2018) - I put off this one for so long because of reasons and I was so wrong. It's not necessarily an easy watch but it's so good. It's beautifully shot and acted. I went through a whole journey with Kijima, from 'who is this guy?' to 'I fucking hate this guy' to ''I need him to be happy, please'. I will have to rewatch it after I watch all of them because the series is full of details and I'm sure I missed a bunch. Definitely happy I started this journey if for no other reason cause I finally managed to watch this.

Takumi-kun Series 2: Rainbow Colored Glass (2009) - The sad just came out of nowhere. It's got some of the same problems as the first one, choppy editing and even though the cast is new the acting is still not that good. I was less confused throughout which is good, Takumi annoyed me a lot though and the tragic plot was messy and rushed. I'm not sure if I'll watch all of these but probably at least one more and then decide.

Other - Watched

🇨🇳Running Like a Shooting Star (2024)🇯🇵Barakamon (2023)🇯🇵Ghost Yankee (2024) 🇰🇷Wonderful World (2024)

4 Thai BL's coming in June June 7 | My Love Mix-Up (so many mixed feelings) June 9 | Love Sea June 15 | Sunset x Vibes June 26 | The Rebound

As usual my ask box is open for questions or requests. Have a wonderful day/night💜

[oyeicher]

Unknown Language Notes

This post is inspired by @thisonelikesaliens 's post & @luthienmpl 's tags on the post. If you've ever taken a Mandarin class you probably know all of this already, but for those who don't speak any Mandarin, it might be helpful to familiarize your ear with these words✨

Note: all audio clips are from episode 2

小遠 xiǎo yuǎn [xiáo yuǎn] lit. Little Yuan

Here, 小 (xiǎo), which means small/little, is added in front of 遠 (yuǎn) as a diminutive term. It's pretty common for parents and older relatives to add a 小 in front of the last character of a child's name as an affectionate nickname. Note: In case you're wondering why I've included a second pronunciation in square brackets, it's because the first pronunciation is the one you'd find in a dictionary and the second one is the actual pronunciation of 小遠. This is due to the tone change rule known as "tone sandhi". Basically, when a third tone is followed by a third tone, the first one becomes a second tone.

魏之遠 wèi zhī yuǎn Yuan

魏 (wèi) is his surname. In episode 1, the gang boss says that Wei Xiaoyuan is a bad name and suggests 魏之遠 Wei Zhiyuan (literally Wei's Yuan, Yuan that belongs to Wei) instead. Note: While 小 (xiǎo) is often used in nicknames, it's no longer common in to have this character in one's legal name. You can still find people with names including this character in the older generation, but such names sound uncultured and uneducated to most native speakers (*cough* classism *cough*)

魏謙 wèi qiān Qian

弟弟 dì di younger brother

哥 gē older brother (akin to phi in Thai and hyung/oppa in Korean)

The first audio file is from the scene in which Yuan hands Qian a graduation bouquet, and if you speak Mandarin, you can probably tell that he sounds extremely soft here. I would upload a clip of the scene, but I haven't had much success uploading video clips in the past, so a gif will have to do.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Time for some Perfect 10 Liners! It's harder for me to find the time lately to do the live thoughts thing, but I had fun doing it for We Are, so we'll see how often I can pull it off.

Lol, the first shot already bringing back memories.

Also, I love that you can immediately pick out Force just by posture alone. (And I see that red shirt! Colors ftw!)

Three minutes in and I am already really digging broody Perth & sunny Santa.

Also liking Junior getting to lean into a new energy for him. Little less neurotic, little more playful.

Uh, those opening credits are... a choice. No AouBoom though... wonder if the credits will change over time if they come in later?

Omg, don't break JJ y'all!

Though I am here for a Book, JJ, and Poon idiot friend group.

Yessss, give me casual physical affection between male friends.

I love that most of the new students already know about the Perfect 10 Liners, and Arm is just utterly befuddled.

Gaaaaawin!!!! I have missed you so. These crumbs will have to tide me over until My Golden Blood.

Also Marc, Drake, and Gawin being Arc's friend group? Amazing. This is one of the biggest pros of GMMTV shows, the mix and match friend groups.

Also, um, sweaty Drake... ahem. I'm fine. Totally pure thoughts here.

Lol, Sand openly thirsting over Arc. I'm getting a bit of Zhao Zi in History 3: Trapped with the "hot for guys but oblivious to it" vibe. Which would be hilarious if that's Poon's character.

Ok, you could see it coming a mile away, but I still laughed. Book must have had the best time doing multiple takes of this one.

Omg, Arm being so pissed but wearing Arc's sweatshirt the whole way home. It ain't subtle, but I'm having fun anyway.

Soooo...Thailand just going all in on sniff kinks at this point, yes?

I love that Arc sniffs him for like a full minute, and yet tries to play it off as just checking for the perfume.

I love this man and his suggestive eyebrows.

And I'm assuming this means that Warm is the one Arc actually confides in? Or he's more intuitive. Because he seems to know things the other two don't.

Also don't be too judgy Pond, you're about to find your own Nong to obsess over...

Oh, A-ngun. He hasn't accepted your requests because our man is hella gay.

Lol, just one little pout and Arc breaks. This man is already down bad.

Damn, Arc, you are playing so dirty, so quickly.

If I was Arm, I would just spontaneously combust right here.

Ok, this was exactly what is says on the tin. It's a Thai college BL, with Thai style humor. And I had fun with it.

[what-the-dark-has-foretold]

Hello again!! I was wondering... if you have the time, could you make a post about which type of yandere Akai and Furuya would be? I kind of already think it might be a little ooc for them, but just a small what if that was at the back of my mind. Honestly, I kind of think Furuya would be a more of a Harmless yandere. I dunno about Akai, though... I kind of think they'd be possessive 100% of course, a little more than normal. But that's all I think. Also, hope you're doing well :)

Ooooh I actually never thought about them as yanderes, but this had me wondering immediately. I do think Furuya would be relatively harmless - he wouldn't hurt you, however, he would still be slightly delusional: he does stalk you (although not typically following you, unless he knows you'll be out late and he'll make extra sure you won't notice and get scared - he just wants to make sure nothing happens to you). Usually he keeps tabs on you through trackers and cameras (but not intruding in your intimate moments - he is still a gentleman). The furthest he would go violence-wise would be killing someone who has seriously harmed you. It's a bit weird. He has his moral code - and yet is delusional enough to believe obsessively tracking you is a crime that is alright to commit. He is, most likely, however aware that it is a crime. It's a weird mix of awareness and delusional. A relationship would still include the stalking (or him being overbearingly worried), but other than that "relatively" normal. (If you could say thay)

Akai is very much aware and doesn't care. But, lucky for you, he doesn't really have the time/is too emotionally distant to actually "commit". Compared to Furuya, he is more likely to go the kidnapping route, but that is still more of a fancy of his than anything he would actually do. Where would he put you? He's often away - who would feed you? He keeps tabs on you, but doesn't check on you obsessively like Furuya. It's more like a...nice evening activity, if he has the time. Sitting on the couch or his desk with a bourbon, just watching you - or even just a dot on his phone - move around.

While Furuya might seriously try and integrate himself into your life, Akai would be more like a looming shadow you'll never (and I mean never) know about. Because he'll most likely never reveal himself. He treats it like a passing fancy or a nice hobby to pass the bit of free time he has - kind of like how some think about getting a pet even though they travel a lot.

In a relationship with Akai he honestly doesn't go incredibly overboard. He still treats the stalking etc. as more of a hobby. Maybe there's a bit of an intimidating vibe emanating from him - at least other ppl will tell you that - but he (seems to) treat you pretty well. He's amused by you and your behaviours and reactions; seeing you perhaps a little bit as a pet here and there, but other than that he's a..."decent" bf.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

A Little Farewell

With about a week left to go we had our final OT4 weverse live today and it's safe to say, we were not prepared. But I'm very grateful that they did a live all together giving us a last dose of chaos, cuteness and giggles before we'll be left to fend for ourselves for 6 months before Jin returns to us in June 2024.

The live truly was a beautiful gift that kept on giving starting with Tae's new short haircut and JK hiding his now shaved head from us, Namjoon even claiming that JKs hair is shorter than his own (JK supposedly felt inspired to shave his head a little early after he met Usher, who has pretty short hair himself, and went for it), and Jimin practically getting offended by a comment saying they wanted to see him with a buzzcut. To be honest Tae's cute little haircut looks a little like he did it himself in the dead of the night but it also makes him look like we traveled back in time to 2013 or earlier. Adorable. After so long it was really nice to see them together again, and to generally have more than one Tannie in a live together.

Since the first leaks about their military service appeared a few days ago we've seen vminies talk among themselves, and not to mention the near constant fighting that's been going on between the two xkook camps, but seeing vmin being so cute together in this live, it felt reassuring. Whatever questions or worries we might've had, they were washed away. In a way it makes sense that Tae and Jimin didn't go together, even if we all would've loved to see them go together and make use of the buddy system, but that isn't the choice they made for themselves and that's okay. It's easy to see what vmin are doing more than just fine and that's all that matters. Admin 2 really hoped we'd get a vmin handshake or hand holding, and we got two! I mean, look at all this cuteness:

And then also Tae going home in five minutes flat and doing a small solo live which was basically just him being adorable and talking to Jimin, who was immediately in the comments, before leaving again. Love when we get to third wheel them, wow, I truly will miss that a lot.

At one point in the live JK mentioned that he'd wanted to go to the special forces as well, implying that for some reason he couldn't, which makes me wonder why. Was it because of his tattoos? Either way, it's nice that he'll instead get to go with Jimin and supposedly they'll be in the training camp where Seokjin is one of the trainers so that's cute.

Speaking of Seokjin, after so long it was adorable how often Namjoon brought up Seokjin in this live. Just Jin hyung this and Jin hyung that, very cute. And they also mentioned Hobi a bunch, how he's gotten cooler and more manly, which comes as a great reminder to basically all of us that the cute boys we've known until now, well, they'll probably fade away and get replaced by more mature versions of our beloved members in the next months and they'll return to us as a different set of Tannies. And that's okay. They're grown up men so it makes sense that eventually some of that aegyo cuteness will fade away and personally I'm very curious to see how things will turn out and what they'll be like in 2025.

And I'm very curious to see if idiots will respect Namjoon's and Tae's pleas for people not to show up for their entrance ceremonies. Especially since Namjoon asked for it in three languages to make sure everyone understood it. Unfortunately I have my doubts, since we know the maknae line have some of the most unhinged solos but here's hoping.

Now, what does this mean for us now? Well, it'll be quite a while until we'll see the members slowly returning one after the other so we'd like to take this time for a 'official' hiatus as well. Admin 2 is considering a temporary "rebrand" into a BL blog since they've gotten into Thai BLs in the last year, so that's something that might happen. Would any of you be interested in something like that?

But we'll still be ARMY, still love vmin and namjin, and once the guys will return, so will we, so don't worry, we're not leaving BTS any time soon.

Lastly, here's a blurry screenshot of a coconut headed JK running across the screen screaming THIS WAS BTS. A beautifully chaotic ending to this solo era. Let's see what the next months will bring us and what 2025 will be like when chapter 2 will come to a close and a new chapter of BTS and ARMY will open, eventually.

Thank you so much for reading!

[waitmyturtles]

Pain, Suffering, and Narratives in Some Asian Dramas/BLs (An Utterly Un-Scholastic, Highly Personal Big Meta)

I’ve been meditating on the topic of pain and suffering in dramas over the last few weeks, as conversations across Tumblr have been taking place regarding the success (or not) of the Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale of Thousand Stars episodes. I can’t help but connect these thoughts to some of the fabulous older shows I’ve been watching in my Old GMMTV Challenge watchlist project, where I’m catching up on older Thai BLs in order to better understand the fabulous works that we’re seeing airing now. This Big Meta in part comes out of my having just watched He’s Coming To Me and Dark Blue Kiss, but I was also very deeply inspired by a Japanese BL that many of us here have fallen in love with, Our Dining Table, that features a poignant moment recognizing that feeling pain is a necessity in feeling love for another person -- that accepting pain and suffering is a part of the life we decide to live, from an Asian cultural perspective.

I’m using some big generalities here, so let me explain where I’m coming from. During certain large portions of my life, I’ve explored either becoming a Buddhist, or at least practiced Buddhism, particularly Zen Buddhism. While the world of Western capitalism has unfortunately taken up the majority of my current time/life, I do still have a desire to learn more about the history of Buddhism and try to incorporate some kind of practice in my daily life.

The reason why I offer that caveat is that a core of teaching in at least the spaces of Buddhism that I’ve been privy to, is the recognition of pain and suffering in one’s life. Suffering is a core tenet of Buddhism, one of the Four Noble Truths, and one that a human being does good deeds or makes merit in light of (as we see quite often in our beloved BLs) in order to receive “good” karma for a happy existence in this life or the next. (Again, mad generalizations here, but you get the point.)

I’ve been thinking about this because I often wonder if us Western viewers (I count myself as one, as an Asian-American) are too demanding for linear, clean, direct, and/or happy communication, narratives, and endings, particularly in the realm of Asian BLs, in regards to either romantic love and/or love from one’s nuclear parents/family. I think about this very much in the context of the Asian BL genre, where queerness -- as accepted, OR NOT, in Asian societies, friend groups, and families -- may indicate an existence that is not necessarily a happy one. 

There are other issues by way of demands from fans that often determine the outcome of a BL script, such as shipper demands for overtly sexual content. What I’m proposing here is that, in my opinion, some of the best dramas/BLs from Asia are rooted in a reflection and acceptance of the tenets of suffering as a natural part of Asian life and, subsequently, Asian art. I further propose that because of that acceptance of suffering, that we — Western viewers — are often left potentially feeling unsatisfied or unfulfilled by a particular ending of a drama. I posit that the linear/binary/clear outcomes that Western audiences so often demand are limiting in comparison to the non-binary, non-linear journeys and conclusions of art that Asian filmmakers can reach in their work, vis à vis à general cultural understanding that pain and suffering are a part of daily life.

Before I give a drama example, let me use one from real life, that is so very often reflected in art: filial piety. I wrote about filial piety quite a bit in my reviews of Double Savage, a non-BL from Thailand that focused on the plight of a discarded son who was judged by his father as a jinx.

When I try to explain to Western friends that Asian parental love is very often conditional (I myself have experienced it, and my experiences mirror those of my friends), I experience a lot of denial.

“There is NO WAY your parents don’t love you.”  “There is NO WAY your parents will ever give up on you. Even if they treat you badly, they love you.”  “In the West, we ALWAYS end up loving our children. That’s what society demands of PARENTS. We’re CONDITIONED to be like that.”

A major cultural competency issue that Western therapists face with Asian clients is when Western therapists say to Asian clients who are having family issues, “why don’t you just talk to your parents about what you’re feeling?” Talking to Asian parents about a child’s feelings, in MANY instances, is not realistic. The language of that kind of emotion may not even exist. AND, there are unspoken social boundaries AGAINST children having those conversations with their parents in the first place. To have those conversations would very well ROCK the foundation on which Asian families are structured.

My parents may love me — the dad in Double Savage mayyyy have loved his son? — but an Asian parent like that, so rooted in their JUDGEMENT AGAINST an offspring, will often not budge. Time and time again, my Asian friends and family will talk about how they felt unloved as a child -- especially if their skin was darker, if their siblings were more successful in school, if they were a middle child, etc. VERY often, our Asian parents don’t know what us children do by way of work -- my parents don’t know anything about my work, for instance.

The Western perspective and social demands for a STYLE of loving one’s children in a very particular, involved, and empathic way -- those cultural expectations don’t necessarily exist in Asia. So we see parents like, say, Non’s father in Dark Blue Kiss; or Korn’s father in Double Savage; or ESPECIALLY Uea’s mom in Bed Friend, a fantastic example of an Asian parent who takes PERSONALLY every aspect of her son’s social and sexual “differences,” blames him for those differences, and accuses him of ruining HER life vis à vis how he was born to be the way that he is.

And yet, at least for Korn and Uea -- we see those children, for the majority of their dramas, continuing to devote themselves to their parents. Because filial piety -- the Asian cultural and social demand for RESPECTING one’s parents above all else -- is existent and EXPECTED of almost EVERY living Asian, no matter where you live on the continent or your various diasporas. 

The equation is: even if you suffer at the hands of your parents, even if you don’t receive unconditional love and empathy from your parents, you must sacrifice in order to respect and serve your parents. You can imagine how much therapy even one individual would need to process that -- if that individual even ALLOWED themselves to think about what was happening, which oftentimes doesn’t even happen. 

I’m not saying that filial piety EQUALS suffering. What I’m saying is that the practice of filial piety will almost always ASSUME a level of suffering that one must undertake to participate in the practice of honoring one’s parents.

Where I felt this *assumption* most strongly and recently was in my viewings of three Aof Noppharnach shows: He’s Coming To Me, Dark Blue Kiss, and Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale of Thousand Stars, but I think Double Savage and Bed Friend also fall into this category as well. Very quickly:

1) HCTM was rooted in storytelling around the practice of Thai-Chinese Buddhism. Thun’s suffering was apparent: he was fatherless, he was gay, and could see ghosts. AS WELL, Med’s suffering was that he didn’t know how he had died, and why he was being held in purgatory before moving on to his next life. 

2) Dark Blue Kiss was rooted in internalized homophobia. My big review of DBK is coming next week, but quickly, between the two main couples (PeteKao and SunMork), you had internalized homophobia playing various roles of emotional INTERPLAY, that AFFECTED the external emotional demonstrations of the character -- particularly in Pete, who was viscerally working on becoming a calmer person, but was triggered by Kao’s internalized homophobia to not be open about their relationship, and Pete’s jealousy subsumed him. DBK is the only show I’m mentioning here that has a clean happy ending for all couples involved, but more on that in a second.

3) OS2 x BBS x ATOTS, on the Pat and Pran side, was rooted in a clear but indirect conflict between Pat and Pran about openness and independence. If Pat and Pran had been open about their relationship (à la Pete and Kao) -- would Pat have needed to sound tough to his engineering friends that Pran *depended* on Pat to close loops? And on the Tian and Phupha side -- there is plenty we don’t know about Phupha’s past to make judgements, but I think it’s safe to say that he grew up in such a rural environment in Thailand as to make him assume that coming out and meeting his partner’s parents was an non-reality for the majority of their relationship, until the end of the OS2 series. The journey to get to the point of the ring was a tough one, particularly for Tian, who wanted more openness.

4) Both Double Savage and Bed Friend seem to end happily, especially for Uea and King in Bed Friend. But: Uea loses his parent. Yes -- he NEEDED to lose his mom, because of how toxic she was. But from an Asian family structure perspective -- he only has his sister by the end of that traumatic journey, which is not necessarily an IDEAL or complete ending. The bonds among Korn, Win, and Rung are permanently affected by the behavior of Korn and Win’s dad in Double Savage. The ending is a copacetic one -- they have survived, and will learn to survive together, after all the trauma they have lived through. But it’s not necessarily a HAPPY one. Both of these endings do not necessarily reflect the holistic ideal of the Asian family structure.

I emphasize all of this because, as I said earlier: I think a Western demand to CLOSE LOOPS in Asian dramas is unrealistic.

In Asian life (big generalization, but let me roll with it): you are angry at your parents, and you process it internally, very often without any help, and after a couple days, things go back to the way they were. The children do not demand change from their parents.

In OS2 x BBS, what I DIDN’T SEE -- and, from this framework, what I argue that I DIDN’T *NEED* TO SEE -- were any clarifying conversations between Pat and Pran about how either of them would CHANGE for their relationship. The biggest confession we got was Pat telling Pran, “without you, there is no me,” and Pran quietly agreeing (thank you to @lurkingteapot and @dimplesandfierceeyes for the incredible post on the improved translation of “I can’t live without you”).

But throughout the episodes, we saw their existence together, and arguably, their conditions -- how each of them has organized himself to comport to the other’s immediate needs. How Pran’s larger burden of keeping in the closet to keep his nuclear family structure stable kept them from being totally out, and how Pran designed fibs to be able to have at least one public demonstration of love between him and Pat on stage. They know they cannot solve intergenerational trauma in the span of a series. They’re still closeted two years later. And throughout all of this: how Pat digests Pran’s needs, and keeps his (Pat’s) own needs for openness at bay. We know he feels pain, too, when he makes his confession to Pran in Pha Pun Dao. We know he’s watching Pran as Pran hesitates to put on the bruise cream.

I feel that Pat’s acceptance of this existence is both heart-rending and utterly beautiful from the perspective of seeing Aof’s work as *Asian* art. I feel like, as an Asian, that I KNOW, that PAT KNOWS, what Pran has to lose. Pran has A LOT to lose. And so, Pat -- instead of demanding for outing and openness -- will hold what Pran needs him to hold. He knows when Pran is grumpy, and needs to be grumpy. And Pran’s got a lot to deal with. He’s got so much that he’ll need to go to Singapore, likely to get separation from his mother -- and that will result in him and Pat being separated (and I’m intentionally not analyzing Pran’s need for space from Pat here, but I think we can safely argue that, too, as Pat’s helpful attitude may smother Pran at times) (and there’s also the issue of the nuclear pain that Pat himself may feel at losing trust in his father for his father’s past foibles). 

After the OS2 episodes, I didn’t need to know THE REASONS, the stark REASONING for why Pran needed to go to Singapore -- because, indirectly, it was already very clear to me that these young men were already holding tremendous burdens. Singapore, for Pran AND for Pat, could have ultimately been a motivator for growth. But I don’t need to know this. All I know is that they continue to have various levels of pain that they will be dealing with in their nascent adult lives.

While Dark Blue Kiss ULTIMATELY had happy endings -- how it got there was PAINFUL. Kao was ROOTED in fear that he would upend his family’s stability, while being the breadwinner. He was held back by extremely traditional role expectations of an older son. And he had no communication with his mother about straying from those roles. Pete’s dad served as the first -- and, I’d argue, maybe BL’s first -- paradigm-breaker as a parent, being SO open about his son’s queerness as to encourage healthy sex practices. But what I argue in this thesis is that up until the very last, bitter end, Kao was relegated to ASSUME that he would live in pain. His expectation was that Pete would ride with him. Pete couldn’t take it anymore and bubbled over. And Kao was forced to make a decision, for Pete’s sake, literally, to BE open, and to save the relationship. That shit ain’t easy.

Lots of folks who have read my posts on this site know that I appreciate a good Asian drama rooted in family and/or community trauma, like 10 Years Ticket. It’s the way in which Asian filmmakers depict this trauma that speaks very much to my life, my culture, and my viewpoint on what’s realistic in this world, and how that reality can be depicted in art. What I’ve found in watching Asian dramas is... I don’t always want clean endings. I don’t always want loops closed.

Sometimes, Asian kids can’t talk to their parents (Pran, Kao). If you grow up like that, you don’t immediately learn the language of intimacy for your family members, your friends, your lovers (Pran’s struggles after BBS/ep5, Thun’s coming out and not knowing the words for it). It might be EASY, or culturally UNQUESTIONABLE, to not argue with your parents about the ways in which they engage with their children (Korn, Win, Pran). Sometimes, to make a break in order to survive, you need to leave a toxic family member behind, which is NOT an ideal scenario (Uea). 

Sometimes, you lose the love of your life (Ueda-san in Our Dining Table). Sometimes, you fall in love with someone — and you find that you can’t *exist* without them (Pat to Pran). And you have to live with the pain. I might even posit that the risk of that pain makes the love you have, either for the person living or the person passed, that much more meaningful to you.

I watch Asian dramas because I don’t feel like Asian filmmakers are subject to the Western demand to clean up all emotionally questionable loose ends. This is not When Harry Met Sally. Harry and Sally should have only remained friends, and not gotten married -- even Nora Ephron and Rob Reiner knew that -- but they also realized that Western audiences would not accept such an ending.

“The script initially ended with Harry and Sally remaining friends and not pursuing a romantic relationship because she felt that was "the true ending", as did Reiner. Eventually, Ephron and Reiner realized that it would be a more appropriate ending for them to marry, though they admit that this was generally not a realistic outcome.”

If I don’t get clean clarity in Asian dramas, I’m okay with it. My mind switches to the pain POV, that relativity mindset. Everyday life in Asian cultures can handle the weight of the painful and sufferable unknown. And that’s why I love these shows. 

And, OF COURSE, not ALL Asian dramas are like this! Cherry Magic ended wonderfully. Old Fashion Cupcake ended beautifully. KinnPorsche ended sexily, if not a little confusedly (are they related? kinda? or not? whatever?). Minato’s Laundromat ended happily -- although we’ll see their relationship pain points in the upcoming second season. And we see relationship pain points in the ongoing drama of Shiro and Kenji’s relationship in What Did You Eat Yesterday -- all while they share their happy nightly meals together at their kitchen table.

Life is complicated. I posit that Asian dramas, for my taste, satisfaction, and cultural relativity, do a much better job at depicting that complicatedness than the West can ever do, and that’s why I stand so often on my soapbox to encourage Western viewers to understand these Asian cultural touchpoints more -- to learn about how we’ve accepted pain and suffering as an automatic given in our Asian lives, from our cultures, our spiritual practices, and from living amongst each other.

[count-alucard-tepes]

Headcanons and a short fanfic for my Thai God of war, Kaolan Wongsawat 🥊

He absolutely hates being cold and dreads when he has to travel to during winter months to other countries (I feel the same way, man)

He loves plants so much that the entire palace garden is under his care and he chooses which plants are to be grown.

He does surprise Saw Paing Yoroizuka in Myanmar every now and then just because he always gets surprise visits. It’s not to fight though, it’s just being him snacks and visit his village.

He wants to get married and settled down soon with a few kids running around.

The headband jewel he wears is his birthstone and was a gift from the King’s mother.

A royal affair…

Kaolan was very much acquainted with royals as he was so close to King Rama as well as being so famous due to his status as a boxer so it was normal for him to at royal affairs quite often throughout the year despite how busy he was.

Y/N is a cousin of King Rama who just happened to be a princess/prince of a neighboring country.

“…it is so kind for a God to grace us with his presence”, Y/N said teasingly as they smiled at Kaolan.

Kaolan immediately turned your way and bowed slightly, “…your highness, thank you for having my king and I in your home…I am but the grateful one to be surrounded by your grace”, he said ever so politely as he gently took your hand and kissed the back of it.

“You know you don’t need to do that with us, Kaolan…you are practically family at this point”, Y/N said gently.

He couldn’t help but smile at that, “…I am a mere servant of the king…”.

Y/N smiled gently and took his hand into theirs, “…come, let’s go for a stroll…I fear we have much to catch up on”.

Kaolan was about to decline because he was accompanying the king and also protecting him at the same time but the king was all too quick to give him a thumbs up and began socializing.

He sighed softly as he was dragged into the gardens, “…ah the gardens have changed from the last time I was here”, he commented as he leaned close to touch the flowers and take in the scents.

“Oh yes, you left quite the impression on my father that he redid the whole garden with the seasons in mind…thank you for that”, Y/N said with a smile.

He smiled sheepishly before noticing the rose bed that was unchanged, “…his prized possession still remains though as it should”, he said with a smile.

The rose bush had been there from the day you were born, your father had planted a different rose bush from all over the world on your birthday for as long as you have lived.

Y/N blushed in response, “…it is something pleases him…”.

“Any father who does something that endearing is a father who loves their child dearly…it inspires me for one day when I am in a similar position”, Kaolan said gently as if deep in thought.

That made you both blush and wonder what was on his mind when he said that, was he ready for marriage and children or was that just a random thought he had…one couldn’t tell unless they truly knew him well enough.

“I hope my future husband feels the same way as you do, Kaolan…”, Y/N said absentmindedly before realizing what they had just said. It was too late because he was already looking at them with an all too teasing smile.

“…r…right so what’s been going on in your travels lately? Rama said you were in Japan for three months, I envy you!”, Y/N said with a pout.

He nodded gently in response, “…I got to visit some friends, travel and train during that time…it was outstanding even though it was a little cold, I managed as much as I could”, he said gently as he didn’t want to go into detail about his underground fights.

“Really? You have friends other than my cousin? I didn’t know that you were social”, Y/N teased as Kaolan rolled his eyes in response.

“Yes, I do…I think you’d like them, they’re very sarcastic”, he replied calmly.

Your jaw dropped when he said that, “…that was mean…but if you are inviting me, I’d love to…maybe after our third or fourth date”.

That took the boxer off guard and he snapped back to look at you.

“…d…date?”, he stuttered, “…I mean…if you want to…I’d take you on a date…”.

This left you both blushing in that moment that seemed to last forever and perhaps it was just the silence between you both that make it even more awkward. Standing side by side as you both stared at the garden.

“…I’d like that a lot, Kaolan…”, Y/N finally said as you felt Kaolan’s fingers lace into yours and squeeze a little.

“I’ll plan it out and call you…then we can go on our first date”, he said with a smile as he looked over at you.

You smiled and nodded before gently leaning your head against his shoulder.

The last thing you thought would happen this night would be you having a date with Kaolan but here you were…

[alevolpe]

You mentioned viewing Minako as not fully Japanese and now I wonder, what other ethnicity do you see her as and do you headcanon any other Sailor Moon characters as mixed/just not 100% Japanese?

I headcanon Ami as half Kazakh btw (because im half Kazakh too (◍•ᴗ•◍)✌)

Sorry this ask is months old, if ur still here hi! :)

Alright so, I don’t have exact concepts for all the girls laid out quite yet, just vague ideas for some of them. I think as I’ll develop the story and characters, things will start flowing into place like magic lol.

Ik I want Ami to be half German, I’m thinking Saeko is Japanese and her father is German. Ami lived in Germany for a short amount of time in her childhood, despite that she speaks with Saeko often in German and considers English technically her second language (even tho she speaks perfect English and is also a polyglot on top of it lol).

Tho your idea with Ami is really cute! I love seeing more variety with Ami’s character and how different people interpret her! She’s such a comfort character for so many.

A friend of mine gave me the idea of Mako being Thai and I kind of love it and I’ll most likely stick with it. I think really fits her!

As for Rei I’m half set, but I could go with whatever fits best. I usually tend to think of her as super Japanese, like almost painfully traditionally so and preferring most aspects of her life to stick by the Japanese way instead of the more “modernized western way”. Even in my au, which takes place in a different Tokyo, that is more westernized, where most people speak English, Rei still lives in the outskirt area, where people speak mostly Japanese and the buildings tend to run more old and traditional.

With Mina I could also go either way, but I don’t see her as fully Japanese. Either her parents are mixed or not Japanese at all. I usually bounce between them being from either somewhere in South America or South-East Asia. A culture where it’s quite common to have big families with each generation having more and more children lol (it really fits my hcs for Mina and her parents’ attitude toward her and the rest of the family).

Michiru I absolutely see having very strong European descents, perhaps French, Spanish or Italian.

With the rest of the girls it’s still: unsure. LOL, sorry for the anticlimactic ending, but my au is still very much at its first draft and planning phase.

If you have any suggestions or would like to inform this dummy on your culture, please do! I love to be more educated on the subject and hearing it from others’ personal experiences is the best!

[srim01997]

The Red Princess & The Green Knight | Gwayne H. X OFC

Paring: Gwayne Hightower x Alyssan Targaryen (OC), Slight Aemond “One-Eye” Targaryen x Alyssan Targaryen (OC), Eventual Gwayne Hightower x Alyssan Targaryen (OC)

Fandom: House of The Dragon (HBO)

Warning: NSFW, Underage sex, Consensual Under Sex, PIV (I age up some character for this chapter; Alyssan and Aegon 16-17 y/o, Helaena 15 y/o, Aemond 14 y/o, Daeron 13 y/o)

Writer’s note: Apologies for my English, as it is my second language. As I translate work from Thai to English, updates may be gradual. I'm Team Black but this knight stole my heart. ;)

Previous Chapter | The Red Princess & The Green Knight| Next Chapter

Chapter 4 The Tainted

"Ser Gwayne Hightower of Oldtown,"

The guard announced, and sixteen-year-old Alyssan descended the steps swiftly. Yet she stopped short upon seeing her mother and grandfather already engaged in conversation with the red-haired knight. Steadying herself as a princess of House Targaryen should, Alyssan composed her stride, moving gracefully toward her favorite uncle, now standing before her. The green and gold embroidery of her High Tower dress accentuated her maturing form under the gown.

Gwayne offered her a small, warm smile. “My little princess has grown,” he said, taking her hand to kiss it before they walked together.

“Forgive me for not replying to your letters, Alyssan. I’ve been... rather busy.”

“You’re a knight, Uncle, I understand.” She glanced at him, a hint of curiosity in her eyes. “And Daeron...how fares he?”

“He’s well and quite popular with the ladies,” Gwayne replied, earning a faint, approving smile from her. She leaned in closer, tilting her head playfully.

“The earrings you gave me, I wore them,” she murmured, showing off the delicate silver piece. Gwayne smiled, admiring how they suited her.

“Beautiful, indeed...though your neck is rather bare, don’t you think?”

“The maids tried to dress me up, but the chains were far too thick,” Alyssan replied with a laugh. “So, I left them off.”

In response, Gwayne opened a small box, revealing a fine gold necklace adorned with a deep green gemstone. He stepped behind her, gently fastening it around her neck. His fingers brushed her skin, causing her to start slightly at the unfamiliar sensation. She turned to look at him, her gaze shifting between him and the beautiful necklace he had gifted.

“Thank you, Uncle. It’s lovely.”

Alyssan glanced toward the balcony, catching sight of Larys Strong watching her with a penetrating gaze that sent a chill down her spine. Larys had always unsettled her with his strange behavior around her mother and his unnerving stares.

“Uncle Gwayne...let’s leave here, please,” she whispered, grasping his hand as they hurried away. Gwayne, surprised at her sudden urgency, simply followed her lead. Once out of sight, she took a breath, still uneasy. “I just... don’t like being stared at. Will you be joining us for dinner with mother tonight?”

He nodded. “Of course, my niece.” His hand almost settled on her waist but paused at the last second. “See you tonight, my lady.”

At that moment, they both heard Queen Alicent’s sharp reprimand echo down the hall—Aegon must have found trouble yet again. Gwayne cast her a questioning look, and Alyssan sighed.

“Aegon must have caused another mess. I wonder which maid will be dismissed this time,” she muttered. Her brother’s behavior was infamous; he often took advantage of the castle’s maids, and it fell to their mother to smooth things over, offering coin and apologies.

Alyssan noticed her maid Lyla standing nearby, looking pale. “Lyla? What’s wrong?”

“My lady, I—” The maid stammered.

“I understand, Lyla. Say no more.” Without another word, Alyssan stormed toward Aegon’s quarters, with Gwayne close behind. Finding Aegon alone in his room, she kicked him hard, sending him sprawling to the floor. She pounced, pinning him as he yelped in protest, her grip on his chin fierce.

“I should’ve strangled you with our umbilical cord, Aegon,” she hissed. “Lyla is my maid, not some tavern girl you can take liberties with whenever you please.”

Her grip tightened on his jaw as he squirmed, her voice low and cold. “You’re married to Helaena. She’s carrying your child, for God’s sake. I can’t fathom what our mother and grandfather see in you that makes them think you should be king.”

She released him, turning to find Alicent standing in the doorway, visibly aghast. Gwayne tried to calm her, but Alyssan’s expression remained steely. “Mother, he’s all yours.”

“Alyssan...why is your brother bleeding?” Alicent demanded.

“I merely reminded him to keep away from my maid. Next time, I might cut... his dick,” she said, marching away as Gwayne hurried after her.

As they reached the corridor, Gwayne took her arm gently. “Alyssan, I—”

“I know, Uncle,” she whispered, a touch of resignation in her voice. “Send Lyla back to Oldtown. She’ll be safe there; I can’t bear the thought of her staying here.”

Gwayne nodded a quiet promise in his eyes. She glanced back at him, her face softening. “Sometimes I wish I could return to Oldtown myself. I was happier there. If it weren’t for my betrothal, I’d be gone already.”

“Betrothed? To whom?” Gwayne asked, his brow furrowing.

“To Aemond,” she replied. “My previous betrothed married another... after he got a lady with child. I suppose the match was never meant to be.”

Gwayne laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, his expression pained. Sometimes he wondered why Alyssan, more than any of her siblings, seemed burdened by the twists of fate. She hugged him quickly before running off to her room, leaving him to shake his head, unaware of the quiet gaze watching from the shadows.

Later, Alyssan found herself reading on her balcony, overlooking the training grounds where her maids giggled and gossiped about the knights below. Alyssan’s eyes, however, lingered on Gwayne, his red hair catching the sunlight as he trained with another knight. His linen shirt clung to his form, his chest visible through the open collar, where a chain dangled a ring that she knew belonged to her grandmother.

The red-haired girl bit her lip, lost in watching Gwayne from afar for too long. When he glanced her way, she quickly held up her book to hide the blush rising on her cheeks.

“Is he looking at me, Anna?” she whispered to her maid, who was about her age.

“No, my lady,” Anna replied, stifling a laugh. She had noticed Ser Gwayne walking directly toward them. “I... I’ll go prepare your bath.”

“What’s the rush, Anna—Uncle, aren’t you going back to your training?” Alyssan asked, flustered, as she saw the tall, familiar figure standing right before her. She quickly used her book as a shield, afraid that if she stared at his open collar and broad chest any longer, she might blurt out something embarrassing. Trying to feign annoyance, she turned to leave. “Stop teasing me!”

Gwayne called after her with a chuckle. “I didn’t say a word, Alyssan!”

That evening, dinner with the Targaryen-Hightower family was tense after the day's earlier events. Alyssan and Aegon exchanged glares from across the table, while Helaena sat entranced with a beetle in her hand, muttering softly to herself. Otto Hightower listened to her murmurs, while Aemond ate in silence, seemingly detached. Alicent guided King Viserys to his seat with the assistance of Maester Orwyle, whose gentle touch helped the frail king.

Gwayne joined them, taking the seat beside Aegon, which placed him directly across from Alyssan. His green eyes occasionally flicked toward his eldest niece, especially noticing the pendant resting at the hollow of her collarbone, just slightly visible.

"Gwayne, is the food not to your liking?” Alicent asked, observing the unusual look on her brother’s face.

“The food is fine, sister,” he replied, quickly taking a bite. Meanwhile, he could hear Alyssan and Aegon trading sharp remarks across the table, and he silently hoped they’d get through the meal without any real fighting. Over to his right, he heard Helaena mumble softly.

“The green knight and the red princess dance in darkness.”

Gwayne paid little mind to Helaena’s cryptic words, thinking them merely musings from his quiet niece. The dinner concluded peacefully, and everyone dispersed to their chambers. Yet, the tall green knight found himself wandering the dim halls of the castle, unable to sleep. As he passed Alyssan’s room, he paused, hearing faint sounds from within. Unsure what it might be, he decided to knock gently on her door.

"Alyssan, are you okay?"

"N—nothing, uncle."

"Don't let me—"

The young princess opens the door with a pretty face that indicates that he is trying to hide something to escape the guilt. Gwayne shook her head and walked into her room. He closed the door and looked at his niece with a look of smug.

"I heard something, Alyssan."

"I—I.....," Alyssan looked at her uncle. The girl bit her mouth and spoke out. "I'm just thinking about what it will be like and that I'm going to marry Aemond soon, I don't want the first wedding night between him and me..."

The red-haired princess remembered that when Aemond turned thirteen, Aegon took him to a brothel under the pretext of taking him to open up the experience, so her second brother ran to comfort her in the early morning. In the morning after that, Aegon and her fought, so it was not strange to worry that the wedding night would be a fourteen-year-old's nightmare.

She approached Gwayne before speaking. "You must have some experience, right, Uncle?" she asked without hesitation, as she suspected that the man in front of her, having traveled to another town, had encountered some girls.

The Green Knight was even stunned by her courage to say that. He didn't know what to do, or how to answer the question in front of him, because the person in front of him was his niece, but in another whisper, it said that the Targaryen could still marry a family member. Why can't he do that?

“I thinking about you...” Alyssan murmured to Gwayne, “I thinking about how was I feel when your fingers inside—”

Gwayne didn’t let her finish because his lust clouding his mind already, the copper-haired man kissing her deeply while carrying her to the bed without their lips separating. His hands massaged her bulging breasts under her nightdress until she softly moaned.

Alyssan's slender hands prop up his nape and move down low to feel his muscular mass. She pulled off the linen shirt he was wearing, and her slender face turned red when she saw his beautiful figure as if she was dreaming. She felt his thick fingers thrusting inside her cunt.

His thick fingers made Alyssan tremble with an increased desire that caused her to arch her waist from the bed, his other hand teasing her nipple until it was hardening. Gwayne could feel his cock became harden under his breeches as she made a wantonly sound underneath him.

He couldn’t wait anymore; he took off his breeches. His hardening cock shows up, his green eyes noticed something in his niece’s eyes and said,

“What’s it, Alyssan?”

“I—It’s too big, I think it’s not fit me...”

Her thin lips bit her lips until Gwayne couldn't control himself anymore. The young knight bowed and whispered in her ear soothingly. “Relax, Alyssan. Your nectar was enough for me to slip in.” His hands raised her nightdress until it was above her hip and spread her legs wide, he started slowly thrusting his fat cock inside her.

Alyssan tried to hold her moan down when Gwayne slowly thrust inside hers until reach the hilt, her hands gripped his back while her cunt adjust his fat cock’s size. He started moving harder when she gave a sign to go on until they squirmed with pleasure.

Gwayne raised her legs, put on his shoulders, and start moving harder, he smirked when he saw the face that she made, her wantonly moaning and her wall gripped on his cock tightly like a cocksleeve.

His hand placed on her bulging belly caused her to startle, and he kissed her teary cheek in comfort.  

“I’m so full, uncle”

“Can you stop calling me uncle?" said Gwayne, "When do you call me my name, my little princess?”

“Gwayne....Harder, please?”

When the little princess called him with his name, he started to move harder until the headboard hit the wall hard. His hard movement caused her nails to grip his back hard until made thin red lines. They have nearly reached the climax now, Gwayne whispered in her.

“Let’s cum together, Alyssan.”

The red-haired princess bit on his shoulder hard as she reached the climax and his hot seed released in her womb to the brim, the young princess felt her position change with her body on top of his with their bodies still connected.

"I haven't taught you all yet, Alyssan..." His hands were placed on her hip.

Gwayne watched his little niece who was in deep sleep as they finished many rounds until she was worn out, he didn’t forget to wipe the mess on her body off, put the nightdress, and put the blanket on before walking from her room quietly. The young Hightower hurried to his room, only to find Otto already standing inside. Before the young knight could say a word, his father threw a punch that knocked him to the ground. The father's gaze rested on his son, filled with disappointment.

“What do you do, Gwayne? You sullied your niece!! What the seven hells are you thinking!?!”

The red-haired young knight gazed silently at his father. He had never managed to win his father's approval, as he was not the favored child-like Alicent. His eyes drifted to the King's hand before he spoke.

“Then go and ask King Viserys to arrange my marriage to Princess Alyssan," Gwayne said. "Let her marry me and become the lady of Old Town.”

Otto grabbed his son's collar and said, "You should be modest. You are not worthy of her. Tomorrow, she will marry Prince Amond, not a knight like you."

Gwen packed his things and left King's Landing as Otto ordered. He didn't say goodbye to his favorite niece. He looked at the window of Alyssan's room and saw Alicent enter. Her voice told how much she was furious about her daughter sleeping with her uncle.

Alyssan was deeply asleep after many rounds that she had done with her uncle—Gwayne but disturbed by her mother. Alicent's face was twisted with anger, and her slender hands pulled off the blanket. Her dark eyes saw blood stains that indicated that her brother had taken away his niece's virginity. Along her daughter's throat, there were all kinds of bite marks.

The queen’s hand slapped her face before pointing at her, "Tomorrow you will marry Aemond, I will ask Maester to bring you a moon tea!! You've disappointed me a lot, Alyssan."

The red-haired princess gazed at her mother and said, "I'm not the Aegon you expect me to be; he's more disappointing than I am."

"?!" Alicent tried to calm down from slapping her daughter in the face again. She could only clench her fists before continuing, "Tomorrow you will marry Aemond, don't refuse, or run away, or ask me to give you up to Sir Gwayne, or I'll send you as a silent sister!!"

Alyssan bit her lip as she watched her mother walk out of the room, and three minutes later, maester brought her moon tea. He walked away as soon as he saw his lilac eyes staring at him. The slender hand grabbed the moon tea glass and paused as if there was some thought about it.

Lilac-colored eyes looked out the window before .....

TBC.

[serenasoutherlyns]

cherry baby

“I give them about a month before they’re dating.” “How would you know?” Asked Rollins. “Oh,” said Olivia, “I just do.”

calex. teen. ao3. For @allergictocanon-- I wrote you some fluff!

Sharing SVU was much easier than Alex thought it would’ve been. Casey, it turned out, was very easy to be around, and they’d clicked naturally. After a month or so of going out for drinks after work, they had taken to working at Casey’s on Friday nights, splitting a bottle of wine between them. A reward for the week, a tradition, cheaper and cozier than a bar. Things became so easy between them, passing papers, pens, glasses. Then they started to touch each other, casually, friendly. A squeeze of the hand, an affectionate pat on the thigh. It spilled over into work, it felt like they were in one another’s offices as often as their own. On some level, she had anticipated exactly the opposite to happen when they were both assigned to SVU. She knew Casey’s reputation, and she knew her own. Neither were known for their ability to share. Casey seemed determined not to let conflict happen, though.

April brought cold rain to New York. They rushed inside Casey’s apartment but still found themselves damp. Casey’s hair stuck to her forehead. She turned up the heat as the two of them shivered.

---

“They’re getting close,” Olivia remarked to Rollins upon leaving Alex’s office. Without hardly looking up from their work, Alex had handed them one warrant, Casey another.

“I’m glad they get along,” Rollins said. “It would be a huge hassle if they didn’t.”

“Yes,” said Olivia, “I think it’s a little beyond that.”

“Meaning?” Said Rollins.

“I give them about a month before they’re dating.”

“How would you know?” Asked Rollins.

“Oh,” said Olivia, “I just do.” Amanda caught the hint. That was interesting, she thought.

---

Casey sat down on the couch after changing into dry clothes. She gave Alex her nicest, yet still ratty, sweatpants and long-sleeved tee. She looked amazing casual like this. She even took her hair down. The rain picked up.

“I don’t feel like working,” said Casey. “I don’t have much to do anyway.”

“We don’t have to work,” said Alex. She opened the bottle of wine. Alex knew where her corkscrew was. “Do you want to order Thai food and watch a movie?” Alex stretched her arms above her head and Casey’s eyes were drawn to a sliver of exposed skin at her hip.

“That sounds amazing.” Thunder rumbled outside. Alex paled. “You okay?” Asked Casey.

“Fine,” said Alex unconvincingly. “I don’t like thunderstorms,” she admitted.

---

“Here, let me carry some of those,” Casey said, taking a stack of files from Alex’s arms. Olivia watched them from her desk as they entered the precinct. Alex gave Casey an affectionate look that Olivia would recognize anywhere. She wondered if the two of them had caught on to each other yet. She shot Rollins a smug look. Rollins rolled her eyes back.

“Counselors,” said Rollins. “We’ve got your suspect.”

“So we heard,” said Casey, “What room?”

“Five,” said Olivia.

“Got it,” said Alex. “Amanda, do you want to do the talking? Olivia and I can observe from outside, and Casey can sit in for the lawyer cred.”

“Sounds like a plan,” said Amanda. She gestured to Casey to follow her.

Olivia knew Amanda had this under control. She turned her attention to her colleague, who seemed to be observing someone other than the suspect. Alex bit her lip watching Casey. Olivia remembered that well. It took a lot of self-control not to laugh.

---

They picked Pride and Prejudice, Casey’s suggestion. Alex wasn’t the biggest Austen fan, but she would’ve watched whatever Casey wanted. The storm didn’t let up the whole time. Alex did her best not to show it, but she jumped and trembled with every thunderclap. Casey noticed despite her best efforts and placed her hand over Alex’s white knuckles. That did not slow down her heartbeat.

“Mrs. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy,” said Matthew McFadyen. As the credits rolled, Alex realized she was pressed into Casey’s side completely. It would be so easy to simply turn her head, her lips would be inches from Casey’s. She coughed and made some space between them, slowly withdrawing her hand. Casey stretched her arms forward. It was almost nine o’clock, and still storming. Alex dreaded going out in this, even if she could call a cab right to the apartment.

“Another one?” Asked Casey sleepily.

“Yeah,” said Alex. “You pick.”

“Are you sure about that?” Said Casey.

“Mhm,” said Alex. “Whatever you want. You’re the one with the DVDs.”

“Good point,” said Casey. “Emma it is.” She grinned. “More popcorn?”

“Please.”

---

At drinks, Olivia was surprised the two of them weren’t making out at the table. Casey leaned into Alex’s space and Alex returned the favor. Olivia wouldn’t be surprised if they were holding hands under the table. She wondered if they had consummated the obvious sexual tension yet. If they hadn’t it would be a matter of days. This was so entertaining. Casey went to grab another pitcher and Alex watched her the whole way to the bar. They shared a carton of peanuts, ignoring the brushes of their fingertips. Casey whispered something in Alex’s ear, and they laughed, Alex tilting her head back. It couldn’t hurt to fuck with them a bit.

“Okay,” said Olivia, “Casey, truth or dare?”

“Oh, come on,” said Casey, “how old are we?”

“That’s something only boring people ask,” said Rollins, catching on to Olivia’s tactics.

“Truth or dare, Casey?”

“Fine,” she said, annoyed at having her attention drawn away from Alex, “Truth.”

“When was the last time you got laid?” Olivia asked. Casey blushed.

“Uh,” she said, “Three months ago.” Alex’s eyes widened, in surprise or jealousy, Olivia couldn’t tell.

“Damn girl, save some for the rest of us,” teased Rollins.

“Whatever, I’m busy. Olivia, truth or dare?”

“Dare,” she said.

“Kiss Rollins,” said Alex. Rollins reddened, but Olivia retained her composure.

“I’m her superior,” said Olivia.

“Who cares? It’s just a kiss.” Amanda apparently agreed. She shrugged and kissed Olivia herself. Damn, thought Olivia. That was fun.

---

When Emma ended, it was eleven. The streets were flooded, but the storm had stopped. Casey was relieved at Alex’s relaxation. But, like hell Casey was letting Alex go home in this.

“I should be going,” said Alex. Casey looked at her like she had three heads.

“What are you talking about? In this weather?”

“I don’t want to intrude,” said Alex.

“It’s not intruding if I’m inviting you,” countered Casey. She held Alex’s hand in her own. Alex looked at their interlaced hands.

“Okay,” she said.

“But,” said Casey, “Do you want to listen to some music?”

---

This was the fifth time Alex had brought up Casey tonight. At dinner. At the dinner where the two of them were supposed to be catching up. Olivia now knew that:

a) Casey was great at her job b) Casey was close with her mom c) Casey loved thriller novels d) Casey was a Godsend in the office e) Casey looked great in her softball uniform.

And Alex had the audacity to pester her about Amanda after that. She was almost ready to trap the two of them in a closet and wait for them to figure their shit out.

---

Casey put on the new Chairlift album. Alex liked it. It was time, Alex thought around track seven. If she didn’t do this now, she wondered if it would ever happen. Casey was saying something, and Alex was taking none of it in.

“Alex?” Said Casey. Apparently, it had been silent for a while.

“Casey,” said Alex, “I.” That was not a sentence with an ending. Casey looked at her wide-eyed, and Alex kissed her. She did what she had wanted to for months. It was everything she wanted and more, Casey’s muffled surprised sound before she kissed her back desperately. Their hands roamed. Casey pulled away.

“Finally,” she said, “finally.”

---

Olivia entered Casey’s office to find the two of them on the couch, equally focused. They were holding hands. Olivia doubted they even knew they were. Finally, Olivia thought.

[pharawee]

[I've accidentally deleted the original post so if you think this is familiar then it's because I already posted this yesterday. Here's a reblog of the original along with some replies but I wanted a version of this in the tag as well. 🙏]

I can't help it. I just feel so sorry for the Joe that used to be a model and fell into a coma for two years and is now just... gone.

I probably shouldn't. He's no longer there after all, and hopefully he's moved on/reincarnated by now.

But seeing as (for some reason I still don't completely understand) Ming makes me incredibly uncomfortable and I consequently just don't get Joe (aka the only Joe we ever really learn about) AT ALL, i have to focus on something.

And that something is how this Joe is really just an empty vessel for "our" Joe to pour his himself into. There's really nothing left of him except for some short glimpses of Winner Tanatat in a mirror. I know, this is deliberate. The story just doesn't have time to focus on anything beyond Ming and Joe, and that's absolutely fine.

Yet here I am, almost in mourning over a character we know nothing about. Was he kind? Was he well liked? Did he have friends? What about his job? What happened to him? Surely he was close to his mother because there's no hesitation in her love at all and Joe uses her picture as his laptop wallpaper. Beyond that, there's nothing. No trace of him remains. Not even muscle memory.

And sure, there's always a possibility that if someone spends that long in a coma they're not expected to wake up from, they might unfortunately be forgotten by most. But no one came for Joe after he made a miraculous recovery either. No one reached out. It's like Joe isn't only gone but so is every single facet of his life as well.

And I find that almost unfair - almost rude of "our" Joe not to make merit for someone he owes his second chance to. As if Joe only ever existed so that another person could completely replace him.

There's other Thai BL where the premise is kind of similar.

[SPOILERS FOR CHAINS OF HEART]

There's an extra chapter in the Chains of Heart novel where it turns out that the original Peter Lue's ghost is still around, wondering what happened and why someone took over his life. He moves on only when he's reassured that the new Peter Lue doesn't mean any harm and will continue to honour and care for the things most dear to him.

[END OF SPOILERS]

More often than not the deceased's life or even the ghost's presence is honoured and merit is made in their name if any kind of relationship or connection persists. That the same thing doesn't happen here makes me sad - especially if they ever find "our" Joe's body and lay it to rest when the same courtesy is never extended to the other Joe.

I also feel like it lowers the stakes of the whole transmigration thing. If everything remains the same except for a handful of fleeting visual reminders, and everyone who counts almost immediately recognises "our" Joe's essence anyway, then what's the point? Where does that leave Joe the model?