#and I made it worse by watching this episode

[omniblades-and-stars]

I brought it up last year on N7 day, but it bears repeating.

In 2012, I had just had twins and was suffering terrible post partum depression. I was suicidal, lonely, and exhausted.

I had been playing ME since the second one came out, and back then it helped me get through severe depression. But this episode was darker, so much worse than anything I'd ever experienced.

After the extended cut endings dropped, I tried the synthesis ending. And this isn't me singing the praises of that ending (I have so many problems with it.) But in EDI's monologue, as your watching little tableaus of the galaxy rebuilding from the most impossible, hopeless thing to every happen she says, "I am alive, and I am not alone."

And that ... that simple little sentence literally saved my life. It broke through the fog, through the horrible sucking muck I was drowning in. It didn't cure my depression, it didn't change the circumstances of my life, but it made me realize that I don't need much to keep going, just to know these two things to have hope: I am alive, and I am not alone.

Anyways, things kind of suck a lot right now, don't they? I know my family, my friends, many of you are worried, terrified, angry.

But we're alive, and we're not alone.

Happy N7 Day everyone.

spent all day working on this. made myself cry when i finally decided what i was going to put in there. you know how it goes.

[dolcekissy]

i'll always love you

: ̗̀➛ reader holds a secret with jj maybank. rafe, her ex, that picked on her and her pogue friends help them out of a tricky situation but as he helps the secret finally comes out leaving rafe hurt.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ masterlist

─────────────────────────

DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED SEASON 4. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED SEASON 4, EPISODE 9.

✎ this story contains season 4 spoilers. i do not want to be the person to ruin season 4 for people at all because ruining/spoiling a show for someone genuinely PAINSSS me. so that being said, please...please do not read if you do not want obx spoilers. this is sort of long and i hope y'all enjoy! xoxo

─────────────────────────

THIS STORY CONTAINS OBX SEASON 4 SPOILERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED SEASON 4. READER IS REPLACING SARAH'S POV IN SEASON 4, EPISODE 9. JOHN B IS REPLACING JJ'S POV IN SEASON 4, EPISODE 9.

disclaimer // this story involves some angst, mentions of pregnancy, reader being pregnant with jj's baby, reader and john b almost die, reader and jj are together and rafe is her ex.

─────────────────────────

you're pregnant. pregnant with jj's baby. you found out not too long ago, the rest of the crew didn't know besides kiara and sarah. you didn't know exactly when to tell the rest of them ─ especially not in a situation like this, being stuck on a boat with rafe as you all tripped to africa ─ the situation quickly escalating into struggling to survive this nasty storm that hit you guys in the middle of the ocean.

what technically got you into this shitty situation on the boat was rafe, your ex boyfriend. he had randomly walked up on you and the pogues. you were stunned and shocked watching him walk up ─ your grip on jj's hand tightening, you were terrified he'd convince shoupe that he was right about all the accusations and convince him to lock all of you up.

but what you didn't expect from him was for him to save you guys, you didn't expect him to reason with shoupe ─ or for him to tell shoupe he'll finally admit what really happened on the tarmac if he let you guys go off and find groff.

you two left on bad terms when you broke up with him. he was a hot mess and you couldn't handle it. he never used to be as bad until something in him flipped, he used to love and care for you like no other when one day ─ it all changed. he abused and terrorized the pogues and you couldn't handle it anymore, you were a kook but you were also best friends with sarah ─ so you ultimately chose to be around her instead of him.

you started to hang around with them, going on their missions with them ─ doing everything with them. slowly but surely you found yourself falling in love with jj maybank and of course the feeling was reciprocated, he had always felt a certain type of way about you.

rafe lost his mind knowing you were with them ─ with him. at some point he started to care less about your safety and more about the fact you chose them over him. he was so fuckin angry with you, his preying on the pogues never stopped ─ if anything the more he saw you with them, with jj fuckin maybank, the worse he got.

he left you in dangerous situations, taunting and preying on you more than he did anyone else. you were terrified of him, you knew he killed sheriff peterkin, how he tried to kill sarah twice, all the shit he did you were there ─ and he scared the shit out of you. the way he threatened to kill jj every single time they were face to face scared you ─ leaving you to tear them apart as they beat the shit out of each other.

they hated each other, they always have obviously. but once you were in the picture, shit hit the fan. which led to jj's suspicions as rafe walked up and reasoned with shoupe, to everyone's suspicions really but especially yours and jay's.

rafe's eyes met yours briefly a few times, giving you a nod of acknowledgment and a look of guilt. your hands sliding up jj's arm made rafe's jaw clench but in the end he still saved your asses. you kept your hand locked with jay's and eyed the back of rafe's figure as you all walked to his boat, not knowing what was about to go down in a couple hours.

they ended up tying rafe's hands together and shoved him into a small room, you overheard sarah telling him they couldn't trust him and they'd let him out as soon as you guys arrived. you almost felt bad as you heard him yell and kick things in anger and desperation, but after what he's done to everyone, done to you. you couldn't even find a fuck to give.

but then everything went to shit.

─────────────────────────

a strong storm hit you guys, the waves crashed together with so much anger ─ leaving the boat filling with water and the boat violently shaking and moving with the waves. kiara contemplated leaving rafe but ended up cutting the rope and helping him out of the small room.

you stood on the deck, watching the water clash ─ the waves soaking you and everything on the boat. you let out a scream as a huge wave toppled over the boat and led you to slide off and into the water. jj cried out your name as john b ran to the edge of the boat with a life ring.

everything flashed before jj's eyes as he watched john b dive into the water, hugging kiara as tears fell from his eyes when you both completely disappeared under the water. he looked back to see rafe standing at the doorway, his clothes soaking wet as he stared out into the water with frantic eyes ─ screaming your name desperately.

he didn't feel anything, not towards rafe exactly. he wasn't worried about the fact rafe was worried about you, even after what he put you through. jj was worried about you. you and his baby.

─────────────────────────

they all ended up on land, building a small fire without a word. they all sat quietly as jj looked for you guys for hours, thinking about the possibility of you two being dead.

sarah sat with kie, tears threatening to fall from her eyes as she thought about the two of you. cleo and pope sat together, silently praying you two would eventually wash up on shore but as time passed they started to doubt. rafe sat by himself, staring at the fire as he thought about you. he could care less about john b, he wanted you to come back. he wanted you to miraculously appear in front of him like nothing happened.

nobody slept really, sarah and kie stared up into the sky. pope and cleo slept on and off until they eventually decided to just sit up, staring into the dwindling fire. jj sat close to pope as he kept his eyes closed, his arms resting against his knees as tears fell from his bloodshot eyes. rafe sat far away from everyone as he stared at the water, waiting for you and john b to appear.

hours passed and the sun kissed the water as it began to rise. some time passed as everyone sat silently, some staring off into nothing and others busying their hands in the sand. kiara stood up abruptly, her eyes squinting as she looked ─ her eyes frantically searching for the two of you before she slowly sat back down once she realized whatever she saw wasn't you two.

"they're gonna turn up." pope said as he picked at the fire with a stick. jj's eyes met popes briefly before pope looked back down at the fire, "they'll turn up." jj looked down at the fire, running a hand through his hair, his eyes sad as he stayed silent before he stopped ─ seeing two people walking side by side.

popes eyes followed his gaze as everyone stood up. rafe followed suit and put his hands over his eyes as his brain scrambled with different thoughts and feelings. jj glanced at pope before turning his attention back to the two figures walking by the water, "i'll go." jj wasted no time as he scurried down to you, his heart stopping when he could really see that it was you and john b.

everyone watched as you stopped in your tracks and began running to him, tears falling from your eyes as you jumped into his arms ─ kissing him passionately as tears fell to your conjoined lips, the salty taste of your tears meeting your tastebuds with welcome arms.

"i've got you, i've got you, i've got you. my sweet girl, i've got you." he chanted against your lips almost in a way to soothe himself, the thought of this just being a part of his imagination slowly eating away at his thoughts.

you killed those thoughts the minute you pulled away, your small hands cupping his face as your eyes met his. "jayj, hi. hi, hi." you whispered over and over again, your forehead pressing against his. "you're alive." he said breathlessly, "you're alive."

you nodded with a smile, staring into his eyes while you both panted softly. "how?" you kept your eyes on his, you thumbs running over his cheeks softly. "i was drowning," you gasped out, "john b saved my life." you looked down at your belly and rubbed it gently, your eyes meeting his again. "he saved our lives."

he kissed you passionately before his attention turned to john b walking up, "look man, i was just the closest one, alright? that's it." john b said with a soft smile. jj stomped over to him and brought him into a hug, a tight hug ─ a brother thanking his brother for everything type of hug.

"brothers for fuckin life." jj said firmly. the feeling of seeing you and john b safe and sound hit him hard.

john b is okay, you're okay, his baby is okay.

─────────────────────────

you all sat together by the fire, sarah and john b cuddled together, pope and cleo sat together, and kie and rafe sitting on opposite sides of each other. your head rested against the front of jay's chest, your fingers interlocked with his as you all laughed and smiled about stupid shit.

"you know what's a good name for a baby?" john b started, his hand gesturing to jj. "jj, goes both ways actually ─ if it's a girl, if its a boy." everyone smiled and soft laughs left their lips, "what baby?" pope asked.

you squeezed jj's hand tighter with a smile realizing he must have told john b on the boat, "oh right, you guys don't know." your head lifted to look up at jj with a wide grin on your face, he returned the smile before looking around at everyone silently.

"no way...a poguelet?" cleo asked, her eyes big and a wide smile plastered on her face. you nodded with a giggle. pope pointed at you, his face dropping slightly. "you? you're gonna be a freakin dad!" pope jumped up and embraced jj in the tightest hug, "i'm gonna ─ m'gonna be a freakin dad!" jj yelled out happily.

you smiled as pope and jj dropped to the ground, cleo scurrying over to you and cooing at your belly. your eyes met rafe's as he twisted his neck to look back at you, the smile on your face never left as you stared at him. his eyes lingered on you for a moment before he nodded, the corner of his lips tugging up into a soft smile.

he looked away from you, his eyes blinking rapidly as he looked back at the water. thoughts of seeing you with a swollen belly filled his mind ─ the thought of you walking around with a tiny baby that looks just like you had him seeing little white dots around him. thoughts of you breastfeeding a sweet baby girl or baby boy that wasn't his had him standing up and walking off.

he wished he did better, he wished he didn't get addicted to coke, addicted to alcohol. he's never really realized how much he fucked up until now. you watched his slender frame walk across where the water and the sand meet, his arms folded over his chest as he stared down at his feet.

you looked over at jj talking happily with the rest of the crew and bit your lip. you honestly didn't care if rafe was hurt, but now that you're pregnant ─ there should be absolutely no bad blood between you two or anyone else. no more of rafe taunting you and your friends, no more of the kooks bullying you guys.

you made your way over to him, your eyes trained to your feet as your hands clasped awkwardly behind your back. he looked up the minute he saw you walking over to him, he cleared his throat and immediately looked away and stared into the water ─ wiping his wet eyes off with the backs of his hands.

"hey." you said softly, you treaded carefully as you approached him. he nodded his head, his gaze falling to his feet as he clasped his hands behind his back as well. "hey." he replied back, just as soft. you stood a few feet away from him, your eyes flickering between him, your feet, and the water ─ not knowing where you should even be looking right now.

you two stayed silent for a few moments, his small sniffles and the sound of the water were the only things that filled your ears. "are you okay?" you asked, finally breaking the silence in a quiet voice. he nodded, keeping his gaze on his feet as the water splashed against them. "you okay?" he asked, his voice just as quiet.

you nodded your head, whispering a soft yes before silence consumed you two again. he looked up and at the water before his red eyes met yours, your brows twitching at the sight of his glossy eyes and red nose. "thought you were dead." he whispered. you nodded and looked away from him, your soft locks blowing in the night breeze.

he bit the inside of his cheek as he stared at you. his eyes trailed over your figure and landed directly on your stomach, he bit back a sob as he imagined what you'll look like in just a few months. everything suddenly hit him like a truck. the way he used to be so sweet to you, the way he turned on you for no reason, the way you chose the pogues, the way you were left in dangerous situations because of them and because of him. everything, every little memory filled his mind as he stared at your stomach.

"you're pregnant." he choked out, trying to keep himself together. he meant to ask but his words came out as more of a statement, he was almost saying those words to confirm to himself that you are pregnant with another man's baby ─ to confirm he fucked up.

the second you nodded his eyes left your stomach and he turned his eyes back to the water. he felt like such a failure, an asshole, a fuck up. he never thought about how you actually moved on from him, he was so stuck on the fact you were around those pogues. he knew you were with jj, hell all the fights they had gotten into, all the glares they shot at each other but it never really hit him until now. he was so stuck on all the terrorizing and all the fights he started ─ he didn't even stop to think about how you two are genuinely a couple.

"why?" his eyes shot up to yours, searching your face. is he asking you why you're pregnant? your brows furrowed in confusion, "u-uh i...i don't know, r-rafe. it wasn't supposed to happen." you said awkwardly. he stepped closer to you, his eyes flickering between yours and your stomach. "should be mine." he muttered, his eyes trained to your stomach. you placed your hand over your belly subconsciously, protecting it like his words would change who's baby it is in some weird way.

"yours? rafe...you've done so much." you whispered, tears springing at your eyes. "you hurt me, hurt jayj, hurt the rest of them." you reminded him, reminding him why this isn't his baby ─ why you aren't with him. "i'm sorry ─ fuck! i'm sorry!"you flinched at his outburst, your hand pressing harder against your belly as you took a step back.

he noticed your flinching and took a deep breath, closing his eyes as tears filled his lash line. you stared at him as a couple tears slid down his pale cheeks, he looked so hurt and so sad but you couldn't find it in you to want to comfort him. you obviously aren't pregnant in spite of him, you're pregnant because you met someone better and fell in love and mistakes happen. there was no reason to explain yourself or make him feel any better. if he wanted to change, he would have a long time ago.

"i just ─ im so sorry for everything. i- m'sorry for hurting you, m'sorry for hurting you and y-your...your friends. i'm sorry okay? i'm so fucking stupid." you sighed as he spoke, his voice vulnerable and shaky. you nodded your head and looked down at your feet. "i... i loved you and i fucked up 'nd its─ man it's hittin now. you're fuckin...fucking pregnant. you almost died for fuck sake." he whispered the last part to himself as you bit your lip and closed your eyes.

you knew rafe loved you at some point, he always would he's just was and is a fucked up person. you loved him too, you loved everything about him. he was your first everything, first kiss, first love, first time. he was everything to you at some point in your lives ─ but that was over now, it's been over the second you left him.

"i loved you too, rafe. and i-im glad you're aware of what you've done b-but everything is different now...no apology can change anything." he nodded and wiped his eyes and nose on his arm, just for more tears to fall. you watched him for a moment before speaking, "i-i just want no bad blood between us anymore, between anyone. this kook and pogue bullshit is so stupid and unnecessary. j-just want us to be cool." you said, your voice wavering slightly.

rafe nodded, his eyes never meeting yours. his eyes flickered from the sand between his toes and to your stomach as he scratched at his jaw. "u-uh yeah, i understand. yeah, absolutely. we're cool, we're good." he rambled. he looked up at you with hurt eyes, your eyes meeting his as you studied his face. you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding and nodded, your lips curled into a soft smile as you nodded again. you turned on your heel and began walking away.

"i'll always love you. i'm so sorry for everything, and i...i wish you the best with uh...wish you the best with everything." he said quietly, his hand lifting to gesture to your stomach even though you couldn't see him. "i love you." he whispered quietly. you turned your head back around to look at him, you blinked at him before nodding your head. you bit the inside of your cheek while you stared at him for a moment ─ thoughts and memories filling your head too.

but you didn't say anything, you turned your head back around ─ putting the past behind you. the past you had with him ─ the good memories of your relationship, the bad memories, the times he taunted you and bullied you and your friends. you put it all behind you, your shoulders felt lighter and you felt at peace. you closed your eyes as you stood there for a moment before you looked back at rafe, giving him one last smile and nod before you began walking back to your friends, your family. the father of your baby.

the people that saved you.

he watched you walk, tears brimming his eyes as he looked back at the water and sat down. he felt hurt but he also felt a tinge of happiness, you're happier ─ you've moved on. he knows your friends are what's best for you, jj is what's best for you.

but now it's time for rafe to move on, to be happier. time for him to find what's best for him.

─────────────────────────

i'm genuinely so upset with the fact jj died :( if i'm being honest the show doesn't even feel like obx anymore. sarah's pregnant, jj found out about his real parents then died ??????? i'm suing wtf

[goatcheesecak3]

I hate you too Pt.3

Adam Faulkner-Stanheight x reader

Warnings: alcohol, brief mentions of nsfw

Fic type: angst, fluff

Summary: both trying to wrap your heads around the situation, you and Adam each reach out to your friends.

A/n: hello!! Probably the last part to this short series, I've had fun writing it though! Maybe I'll try a Lawrence fic next??? Who knows. Anyways, enjoy! :^)

Your heart sank. What the hell kind of sick game was Adam playing with you? Hooking up was one thing, but you'd both poured your hearts out to eachother, you though you had a real connection. You wiped tears from your eyes and gritted your teeth in anger. You needed a friend, a distraction. You called Mark.

"H- hey Mark" you spoke into the phone, sniffling a little and hoping it didn't sound like you'd been crying.

"What's up, y/n?" His voice sounded cheery.

"Look, I don't wanna put you on the spot or anything, man, but I uh... I'm having kinda a bad day, I was wondering if I could come over?"

"Hey, you know you're welcome anytime. Scott's coming over later to watch this lame slasher movie I picked up, it's gonna be a hoot. You should join us!"

His kindness was so jarring I'm contrast to the cold, unfeeling text you'd just recieved from Adam. It almost made you tear up again, but you held it together long enough to set a time, before hanging the phone up.

You made yourself a rather exquisite breakfast consisting of a cigarette, a beer, and several more cigarettes. Following this, you drifted in and out of sleep on the couch while watching episodes of beavis and butthead, and trying your hardest not to think about Adam.

When 6pm rolled around, you finally got yourself dressed and headed out to Mark's apartment.

...

After sending you that awful text, Adam had fallen asleep for a few hours. When he awoke, it was the evening. Despite a full day's rest, he didn't feel any better, in fact, he felt much worse. He knew he'd fucked up, he'd let himself step too far and now he was pretty sure your entire friendship was out the window, let alone any chance at a relationship. He knew deep down this was for the best, or at least he thought so? His head was swimming and he really couldn't make much sense of the whole situation. He had to bite the bullet, and call in for reinforcements in the form of his friend Scott. Adam knew full well that revealing the events that had transpired to Scott would come with a barrage of jokes and teasing, but at the end of it all, Scott was his friend and he'd help him make sense of it all.

...

"Yeah, I can meet you bro. I'm going to Mark's to watch this lame movie, I'll come pick you up and we can talk on the way. We're long overdue for a guy's night"

"Thanks, Man. Yeah, a guy's night sounds good"

Adam was beyond relieved that it would just be the three of them, he couldn't bear to face you right now.

At half six, Scott's beat up old Ford pulled up outside Adam's building, to find him already waiting on the curb, a cigarette hanging from his lips.

"You got one of them for me?" Scott grinned as Adam climbed in.

"Always" Adam obliged, handing Scott a cigarette.

"So," Scott pulled off with a screech, "What did you wanna talk about?"

"It's about y/n"

"What, you hittin that or something?" Scott teased.

Adam's unexpected silence answered that question, as he shifted awkwardly in his seat.

"No. Way. No fuckin WAY dude. Mark totally owes me 50 bucks" Scott gave Adam an affectionate punch in the arm, briefly averting his gaze from the road to see what he expected to be a smug grin plastered across Adam's face. Instead, however, Adam's face told a story of guilt and confliction.

"What? You didn't her pregnant did you?" He sounded genuinely concerned.

"Nah man, nothing like that. It's just... ugh, I don't know, I think I like her? But like, I'd just break her heart if I went there" Adam stared straight ahead as he spoke.

"You don't know that, man just tell her how you feel. At the very least you'll get to see her naked a couple more times before you completely fuck it up." It seemed that Scott possessed the incredible ability to never take anything seriously.

"Yeah... I don't think i can do that. Like, I think I've pretty much nailed that coffin shut"

"Well you certainly nailed something," Scott held out his fist to Adam and grinned to himself.

"Dude, I'm serious"

"So am I! Dude, emotional bullshit aside, y/n's a fuckin smokeshow, and I'm proud of my boy for his achievements"

Adam bit the insides of his cheeks, but couldn't help the smile from creeping across his face. He knew the whole macho bullshit thing was gross and childish, but admittedly, he was kinda proud of himself for sleeping with you. He bumped Scott's fist.

"There he is" Scott chuckled, "so, now that we've got all this acting like a pussy out the way, you're gonna pick up your phone, call y/n and tell her 'I'll be at your place later with condoms and viagra, chug a couple energy drinks 'cause we're gonna go all night'" he joked.

"You know, I think that approach might be a little full on" Adam laughed. "But you're right, I gotta stop being a little bitch about this and tell her how I feel"

"Awesome. Me and Mark can help you plan how you're gonna do it tonight, but you owe us another guy's night if we do"

"How come?"

"Because you're totally acting like a chick"

"Shut up, man. You're an asshole, you know that?"

...

You'd been at Mark's apartment for a little while already, drinking beer and waiting for Scott to arrive.

"Does he know I'm gonna be here?" You asked casually

"You know, totally slipped my mind to tell him. Hell be here any minute, so I guess he'll find out when he arrives" Mark smiled.

As if to punctuate that sentence, the unmistakable sound of Scott's loud footsteps approached the apartment door, followed by a hefty knock.

Mark opened the door, to see both Scott and Adam waiting.

"Oh hey! Guess the whole gang's here" Mark smiled.

The two men entered the apartment, Adam's expression slowly turning to one of dread when he saw you sat on the couch.

"What the hell is he doing here?!"

"What the hell is she doing here?!" The pair of you exclaimed at the same time.

"Oh come on, not this again. Guys, just sit down, relax, have a few beers. I'm too tired to watch you two fight all night" Mark rolled his eyes.

"Won't be necessary" you said coldly, rising to your feet and attempting to barge your way past the men and out of the apartment.

"Ohhhh I don't think so, little lady" Scott scoffed, blocking your exit.

"Scott, I'm warning you, you know I could kick your ass" you bit.

"Be that as it may, you and Adam got a lot to talk about. Now Mark and I are gonna leave for a while, give you two some privacy, and you're gonna solve this" Scott said. Seeing Scott be the voice of reason was like seeing a unicorn, you couldn't believe your eyes.

"Why should I leave? This is my apartment?" Mark argued as Scott ushered him out

"Because you're gonna head down to the ATM and withdraw that 50 bucks you owe me"

"What?" The realisation set in and he turned to face you and Adam, "you two? No WAY!"

"Have funnnnn" Scott mocked in a sing-song voice as he guided a gobsmacked Mark out of the apartment, closing the door behind them on their way out.

The apartment was silent now, you and Adam both stood, stunned, staring blankly at eachother. You would have kept this stand off going on forever, if you weren't so drained. You threw yourself down onto the couch and sighed exasperatedly.

"This is so fucking humiliating" you muttered under your breath.

Adam sat beside you. You held your head in your hands, eyes glued to the floor, but you could feel Adam's gaze burning into you.

"Y/n, I-"

"No, it's fine, like I get it. Last night was a mistake, it didn't mean anything. You don't have to tell me again." You snapped, not wanting to relive the heartbreak.

Adam exhaled

"I didn't mean that" he said quietly, his voice sounding shameful.

Suddenly, something inside you snapped. You were furious, he'd completely devasted you, and now he'd changed his mind?

"Then what the fuck do you mean?!" You blurted angrily, "you hate me one minute, you like me the next. What the actual fuck is your problem, Adam? What is it you want? Because in case you hadn't realised, you've given me some pretty mixed signals in the last 24 hours!"

"I want you!" He yelled "I mean.. I want to be able to want you" his voice was soft, gentle even.

Yours was not.

"Oh my fucking GOD. Do you only talk in riddles or something? What next, do I need to solve a fucking treasure hunt to find your missing brain?!"

"Y/n, no, please just listen.. okay? I just- man I thought I'd have time to plan this" he exclaimed to himself, throwing his arms up in the air.

"Look, if I don't get a straight answer in the next five minutes I'm walking out that door" you said, calmer now.

"Okay.. okay.." Adam breathed slowly, he seemed to be trying to find the words.

"Look," he began, "I'm in the weirdest place emotionally right now, I've always struggled with being vulnerable, but I mean, I'm so much worse these days. Ever since... well, you know..." he bit the inside of his lip and looked ahead, his eyes filled with sadness.

"I'm still trying to get myself back, and I don't know if the part of me that can let people in is ready.

If I let you in right now, I'm scared that I'll only hurt you further down the line, and I could never ask you to just wait around for me to get better."

He stared at the floor and sighed, feeling quite sorry for himself.

You considered what he had said for a moment, before finally speaking, much gentler this time.

"So get better now"

"What? Y/n, it's mot that simple"

"Yes, Adam, it is that simple" you said, your tone kind, but firm. "You say you're trying to get better at letting people in, and in the last 24 hours you've been more emotionally honest with your arch nemesis than you would ever imagine. Sure, it doesn't exactly scream stability, but that's part of the process. You're making progress" you took Adam's hand and brushed your thumb across his skin reassuringly.

"It's not gonna be easy, but if you don't take this chance and let me in then you're not moving forward".

Adam let out a half hearted chuckle, and wiped a few tears he hoped you hadn't seen from his eyes.

"I hate the fact that you're always right"

"Get used to it" you smiled warmly, giving him a playful nudge.

"Okay... so in the spirit of moving forward" he gulped, "would you uhh... be free for date sometime?"

He smiled sheepishly, nervously fidgeting with the sleeve of his jacket. You noticed that his eyes seemed to look extra sparkly, as if there was hope and excitement in them for the first time in a while.

"I'm free right now" you giggled, placing your hand on Adam's cheek and leaning in to kiss him.

Adam's hands held onto your waist as he leaned into the kiss, gradually pushing you back onto the sofa. He kissed you deeper now, more hungrily, his fingertips were just brimming the hem of your shirt, when...

"Aaaand the two of you can go continue that "date" literally anywhere but my sofa" Mark exclaimed, bursting into the apartment, Scott following giggling like a schoolboy.

"Were you assholes listening through the door?!" You squealed, jumping up and adjusting your shirt.

"Hey, I didn't wanna, but Mark needed proof that he lost the bet!" Scott laughed, barely able to contain himself.

"Dude! Come on, that was priv- wait.. what bet?" You asked, more curious than annoyed by this point.

"I bet Mark that you and Adam secretly liked eachother, and now I'm 50 bucks richer" Scott said proudly.

"Never would've imagined you guys together" Mark admitted, "but you know what, I like this little dynamic. It's sweet, or at least it is when you're not tryna bang on my couch" he teased.

"Sorry about that, man" Adam chuckled, his cheeks reddening.

"Now, come on you crazy kids," Scott said, in a slightly patronising, but good natured tone, "get your asses down to some restaurant or something where you can sit and make googly eyes at eachother before me and Mark throw up"

...

You and Adam walked down the street after leaving Mark's apartment. Your hands brushed against eachother, and without words they were interlinked. Just to think, a couple days ago you would have thrown up at the thought of holding Adam's hand, but now it was all you wanted to do.

"So... a restaurant, huh?" Adam said, swinging your arms slightly.

"Hm" you tilted your head, "orrrrr... we could head back to mine, crack open a bottle of wine on the balcony... maybe fool around a little?" You looked at Adam with a cheeky grin.

"God, you just get me" Adam laughed, placing his free hand on your waist and planting a soft kiss onto your lips.

And it was indeed, a perfect date.

[anim-ttrpgs]

A big part of Eureka is splitting the party. Normally games are loathe to do this because of the potential to bore players while they passively watch others play the game. I'm curious how you deal with this when you run Eureka. Sending players away seems like it could make it either better or worse. Like if it's at a home, people can go hang out by the snack table and drink and chat, but that doesn't work as well at, say, a game store. I'm curious how people felt about having to leave the game several times.

While the risk of boring the players or putting too much stress on the GM is a real concern, the addage of "don't split the party" actually originated in the TSR D&D era, where splitting the party made them weak and vulnerable to all sorts of situations that would be less of a problem for a full strength party, However, for a game like Eureka that produces more conventional narratives (everyone take note that I did not say that Eureka produces more narrative or is "more focused on narrative", just more conventional narratives) and has more of a focus on intrigue and horror, the party splitting up to cover more ground and collect more clues in the limited time they have to solve the mystery, but also making each one of them more vulnerable if something happens, is an actual trade-off that can improve the gameplay and story.

First of all, besides it just being really entertaining, I really recommend you listen to the Tiny Table Actual Play of Eureka. It has some really good examples of splitting the party and sending players away that are executed really well, and also some good discussion of it in the post-mortem episode and the interview.

I’m going to answer the ask directly from my own gameplay experience, but I really really urge anyone who has played Eureka to comment with their own experiences with splitting the party and sending players away.

Alright, so, obviously how long players are willing to wait their turn is group-dependent, but with our own group, we’ve actually kinda had the opposite problem from players getting bored. Instead, Narrator and the players whose characters are currently in the spotlight start to worry that they’re selfishly hogging too much session time, and try to rush the scene along (to its great detriment), when in reality the players who were sitting out were happy to keep waiting. Realizing this led to us altering the advice regarding splitting the party in the rulebook, and actually recommending the Narrator go a little longer before switching to the other characters.

I personally am happy to wait up to like 90 minutes if my character is out of the scene, because I have faith in my group and also in Eureka that the payoff for waiting will be that much greater, seeing the characters relay what they have learned while they were apart in dialogue rather than the player just saying “My investigator tells them everything that happened.” It really heightens the tension, lets the characters shine, and can even really help with solving the mystery, because having the events and evidence recounted out loud can help with making connections that might have gone over people’s heads the first time.

Of course like the rulebook says, it also comes to the judgement of the play group as a whole, and should definitely be discussed beforehand basically as part of session zero, and even mid-session if it needs to be. (Communicate your preferences to your play group!!!!!) There’s plenty of scenes and situations where having the other players leave the room instead of sitting and watching would add nothing at all to the experience.

Now I want to hear other people’s opinions. If you have played Eureka and had a party split where some players left the room or otherwise excused themselves, how did it go?

[vanha-paholainen]

Viktor NSFW hc's.

Tw: mentions of sickness, mentions of throwing up, mentions of famished body.

Soon I will see my dear Viktor again.

I made some headcanons about him. Hope someone will like it. English isn't my first language, so please, don't beat me up, I'm just some ukrainian guy.

— The older Viktor gets, the worse his legs get. Problems with joints are added to the congenital curvature. If at the age of twenty-two he was able to cover three or four kilometers in a day, and with proper stops and motivation — all eight, now, at thirty-two, it is sometimes difficult for him even to get himself out of bed.

— Viktor, in addition to the corset and leg correction shown in the series, wears compression stockings when he feels particularly lousy.

— Actually, all his meals are scheduled and strictly regulated in accordance with his medication, but this stubborn workaholic often neglects his needs, which then makes him vomit bile, faints and experiences other troubles.

— Speaking of stomach problems. Let's omit the fact that all the characters that I like, they somehow magically appear — Viktor really has a reason for problems with the gastrointestinal tract. Previously, everything was tolerable, but now, due to the side effects of phlegm-thinning lung drugs and heavy painkillers on which he sits, Viktor vomits with enviable regularity at least once every two weeks. This usually happens either in the middle of the working day or after. Sometimes he jumps up to get a basin early in the morning, because he can also be sick from pills. Because of this, his teeth are slowly deteriorating. In addition, it is in the episodes of vomiting that he feels particularly weak and pathetic.

— It is in case of an unforeseen outpouring of vomit that there is a basin under Viktor's desk.

— He often faints too. This is mainly due to overwork and lack of sleep. Over the years, Victor has learned to anticipate this phenomenon and therefore usually manages to sit down.

— Viktor washes exclusively while sitting on a special shower chair for people with disabilities. You can't sit in the bathroom in his position, and if you do, you'll get out, and standing in the shower without support is painful and tiring for him.

— If Viktor takes days off, it's just to get enough sleep. He doesn't like social events and noisy streets. It seems to him that the Piltoverians look at him with contempt, he does not like small talk, because he is used to putting meaning and sincerity into every word he says, and, besides, the noise of the crowd tires him very quickly. Even when Jayce invites him, filled with a strange sense of extrovert duty to an introverted work partner, Viktor politely refuses. He does not want to once again experience the views of the local nobility and feel like a stranger. He has enough problems without that.

— The feeling of loneliness and misunderstanding is his only faithful companion. Since childhood, Viktor has watched the fun of other children as if through bulletproof glass, and over the years this feeling of alienation from the world of people has only worsened. He had never experienced true friendship, had never loved anyone—and sometimes this realization made him hate himself so much that it was time to climb into a noose. In despair, he thought that maybe if he had been born like everyone else, it would have been easier for him. No, he never tried to be like the crowd, but loneliness often made him regret his genius. Over time, Viktor resigned himself. After all, his mechanisms will always be with him. There is no human impermanence in them. The breakdown of a certain gear is easier to predict than the cooling of a relationship.

— By the age of thirty-two, Viktor is a virgin. As mentioned earlier, he has never loved anyone, and therefore this fact is not shameful for him. He just thinks it's out of his area of interest and has no regrets about it.

— Viktor has a very significant «manhood»: 18.4 cm in length. However, he does not use it.

— Despite the extremely lousy position of his lungs, he smokes, and smokes a lot. He prefers unfiltered cigarettes, smokes about a dozen a day.

— Surprisingly, Viktor is not circumcised and is not even infertile. He is quite capable of becoming a father - but I think anyone understands that this will be the worst version of a dad that can only be imagined.

— Viktor never attached much importance to the partner's gender. He believes that there is no need to limit yourself to such extensive issues. He is bisexual (and possibly a mechanophile).

— If Viktor hypothetically has sex, he will do it with all his usual thoroughness. He will buy a pack of the best thin condoms (japanese ones can serve as an analogue from our world), purchase hypoallergenic lubricant and be very careful with his partner. In addition, before sexual intercourse, he will wash himself and immediately before the process, he will discuss everything with his partner again. It may seem superfluous, but he does not know how to do otherwise. He feels safer when he knows for sure that he is doing everything right: after all, it is not in his plans to damage someone's intestines or cervix.

— What Viktor will definitely not try in bed is the missionary position, where the heavier partner will be on top, and sitting on his face. This point hardly needs explanation.

— If Viktor finds himself in a receiving position in bed (that is, under a man), he will expect from his partner the same tenderness and attentiveness that he shows himself. Viktor does not welcome rudeness and savagery. He is thirty-two years old and terminally ill. With him, either gently and carefully, or in no way.

— Viktor prefers large partners with a good combination of fat percentage and muscle mass. No, appearance does not come first for him, the contact of mind and soul is more important to him — but opposites attract, and he will be especially pleased if his partner, regardless of gender, is an athletic endomorph with dark skin and large breasts. Sky and Jayce are perfect for his type.

— By the way, the subject of Viktor's stingy erotic fantasies are... Anatomical sketches with a female body. Yes, he prefers realism and precision even in such matters.

— Viktor treats himself differently. As mentioned earlier, he differentiates himself from society, and therefore his own nakedness seems disgusting and unnatural to him. He considers himself unattractive due to exhaustion and pelvic problems, and therefore does not like to relate himself to the general mass. Deep down, he wants to become a machine: then there will be no problems with a sick body and an imperfect mind. «Naturalness is for everyone, but not for me.»

[alipeeps]

Episode 20

Goddammit Bai Jiu, you had better be pulling a double agent thing like Pei Sijing turned out to be or I swear I will never forgive you!

This flashback montage of how he lied to everyone is giving me the rages.

I can't help thinking about him just the previous episode telling Li Lun that Zhu Yan (who had gotten himself trapped in a demon-suppressing cage in order to protect Bai Jiu) "Zhao Yuanzhou is my best friend". Grrrrr...

Ugh, and the flashback montage of how he sealed Zhu Yan's senses is even worse! You sneaky, devious little shit, Bai Jiu.

Fuck's sake, they've been working towards this from the very start, right down to the list of people to be on the team...

I keep feeling like there is information that either I have missed or that simply was not presented in previous eps? Last ep they said Pei Sijing was the Prime Minister's representative - and I was like, eh? Since when?

And now Wen Zongyu says she's the Prime Minister's bodyguard?! I don't remember that ever being mentioned?

Oh fuuuuuuck!! So it WAS Chongwu Camp running that clinic with the imprisoned demons 8 years ago...

And 8 years later it is still the ever-burning wood - that Zhu Yan accidentally absorbed back then - that Wen Zongyu is after!

Well, the little shit does at least look a bit conflicted...

And.. right, okay, I watch a lot of cdrama, I know this is just how it goes, it's very common to have scenes where they stand around dramatically talking about their schemes etc and almost kinda waiting for the next move/attack to be made etc but really?

You've had it laid out in explicit detail that all they need to do is use a needle to seal your sense of touch and that's it, kiss your core goodbye, but you're still gonna just stand there and watch and wait for them to come at you with the needle? You could turn around and be out that fucking door in a heartbeat dude, why don't you?

Oh SHIT the entire room is painted with demon-suppressing charms?!!

Dude, just fucking RUN then - you can outpace a fucking 13 year old, surely?

Annnd now you can't do that because the cavalry has arrived to cut off your exit.

Pleeeeeeease tell me we're gonna get one of those famous GJM flashbacks where it turns out they suspected something and they planned for this?

Ayyyy teleport device for the win!!

And from the sigh of relief, Bai Jiu did not want to have to do this. But that doesn't fucking change that he has been doing it right up until this point.

Uhhhh is that not the Prime Minister's carriage that previously stopped for "Wen Xiao" who was blocking the road? Why is it now seeping blood as it passes along the street...

I guess Not-Wen Xiao was hungry eh?

Ahh Zhuo Yichen, Zhuo YIchen...

Yeah best not to pin your hopes on maybe's... this is a cdrama after all...

Situ's mansion? Am I having memory lapses again? That sound's familiar but I can't think why...

Oh and presumably it's because of Mr Situ who has just arrived in a panic. Can we assume the guards are here to arrest Wen Xiao for eating the Prime Minister?

Hold up, it's Chongwu Camp that have come for her? How come they keep coming around to enforce things on behalf of the Prime Minister?

Oh ya think?!!

Oooh she's clever...

Oh she's VERY clever! Ask Mr Situ to hide you in his mansion... where you can then search for the divine wood!!

Oooh dontcha just wanna punch that smirk off his face?

This fishpond is so fucking extra and I love it so..

Oh you've got a wife hidden away in a sealed fucking room have you bro? Bedridden and sensitive to light and wind, is she? That doesn't exactly explain why the room is literally sealed shut?!!

Oh and was that a glimpse of the inside of the room with branches in it?

Oh wtf wait is Mr Situ Bai Jiu's dad?! I hadn't connected the names before. So the mystery wife who is sealed away is Bai Jiu's mum? The one who we've previously seen footage of Bai Jiu crying outside her room as branches spread out from under the door? Is Mrs Situ a pagoda demon as I have previously theorised?

My god these two. Zhu Yan's like.. didn't expect you to be the subject of a city wide hunt.. impressive! And Wen Xiao's like... why shouldn't I be.. are you doubting my ability to excel?

Is poor Zhuo Yichen now the only one who doesn't know about Bai Jiu? Shouldn't somebody maybe clue him in?

Why would the crime scene carriage be sent to Demon Hunting Bureau when it's a) Chongwu Camp who are charged with arresting the alleged perpetrator and b) Demon Hunting Bureau could well be assumed to be biased in favour of Wen Xiao and not objective in assessing the evidence?

Yeah why has he been carrying that copy of the book around all this time?

Check out Sherlock fucking Holmes here making deductions about the owner of this book based on its appearance...

Ahhh finally the penny has dropped for Zhuo Yichen that they've previously encountered a demon who was able to appear as Wen Xiao...

Ayyy it's our favourite mountain god!!

Oooh you clever boy, you purified the yao water? Plan "repair the baize token" is back on track!!

Aaaaand yup Ao Yin is the demon Li Lun released from the cage at the clinic 8 years ago...

I sure hope that confidence is warranted. Maybe you should be... ohh I dunno... looking at how to unseal your 4 senses so that you are not still vulnerable to having the last 1 sealed?

And didn't I fucking say that somebody needs to warn Zhuo Yichen about Bai Jiu? Cos here the little fucker is and Zhuo dage has no fucking idea that he's a Chongwu Camp traitor.

Yeah you better run you little shit.

Oh man, that's badass. I love when we get a reminder of just how powerful - and scary - he really is.

Oh wait, lemme guess, Wen Zongyu promised him that whatever skanky research he is performing with demon blood - and that he needs the ever-burning wood from Zhao Yuanzhou for - can cure whatever's going on with Bai Jiu's mum?

Goddamn this kid is such a good actor though. It's killing me that we may never get to see his portrayal of Xia Sini/kiddy Chu Wanning in Immortality - he will have fucking nailed it, I'm sure.

FUCKING CALLED IT!! That bastard promised him to save his mum if he joined the Demon Hunting Bureau and sealed Zhu Yan's 5 senses.

Oh fuck the baby Xiao Jiu actor is super fucking cute!!

Uhoh is that a blood moon? Is it (again!) the same one from 8 years ago where Zhu Yan wigged out?

And did Bai Jiu's pagoda spirit mum also lose control of her powers during that blood moon?

Oh dang so his name is Situ Jiu and he chose Bai Jiu when he went to train under Wen Zongyu.

And again Wen Zongyu said his mum was killed by a demon. Is that a mis-translation? Like... is she ill... or dead?

And I still think she was not so much killed/made ill by a demon as... she is a demon and she lost control/something went wrong...

She's not dead or ill she's.... a tree!

Fucking knew it!

What on earth was the point of keeping this from him all this time though Mr Situ? Ffs...

Ah-ha!! Mummy was not just a demon, she was half-demon, half-god, like Ying Lei... and that's why Bai Jiu had divine power... and why the pagoda demon said he was lying when he said he was human...

Oh wow, she's proper old school demi-god too, as old as the gods...

Ah fuck so it was the same blood moon and it was the disappearance of the baize token that injured her and made her revert to her true form. So... presumably fixing the baize token might also fix her?

(And if she is descended from the same source as the divine wood... would wood from her tree form serve as the divine wood needed to repair the token? And is that why the clues about the divine wood were rumoured to be hidden at Situ mansion?)

That is a very good fucking question.

Why the FUCK didn't you tell your goddamn son what was going on Mr Situ, instead of leaving him hurting all these years and wide open to being manipulated by the bad guys?!!

You fucking tell him Zhuo Yichen.

Fucking kid's got more guts and responsibility than any of you bloody adults.

But Xiao Jiu, sweetie, can I please recommend that you put all of your clever medical knowledge to immediate use to fucking unseal all that you've done to Zhu Yan so that he is no longer vulnerable to being sealed by a single fucking needle?

Ah fuck... was that ending Chongwu camp closing in on them while they were all having a heart to heart?

[tloubraininfection]

People often claim that Joel is unemotional and cold at the beginning of the series and I disagree. It is a bit more accurate when it comes to game Joel, as he is far more detached and angry kinda character with everyone except for Ellie, but Pedro Joel is always one step from having an emotional breakdown and you cannot convince me otherwise. There is always something brewing just beneath the surface. He`s also very observant and attuned to people around him and it only gets worse (better) once Ellie joins the party.

Even at the very beginning, when he was not even really done beefing with her, he still cared enough to cover her with his own jacket at night, cause she’s a kid goddamn kid and she’s not going to be cold on his watch! And then he just keeps noticing things or thinking ahead and factoring Ellie in, because that`s what he does, he cares about people enough to notice little things.

So when they make it Bill`s place and he sees that sad-looking pot plant, all dry and withered, he knows immediately that something is wrong. You can see it in his eyes. He`s been there many times and he knows Bill and Frank well enough to notice immediately that something is out of place.

And this is the part that breaks my heart every time, cause after the initial 3 year time skip Bill and Frank argue, because Frank wants to keep the place nice and Bill is all about the essential. But fast forward another 10 years and Frank has all the art supplies in abundance and Bill is taking care of the space around them, because Frank is too sick to do it himself.

And that`s how those flowers should look like btw

But there is no one to take care of them anymore.

[pbnmj]

[perfectthewayyouare]

buddie will never go canon this, they'll never make eddie gay that, we've been let down before, yes yes i agree but

[dengswei]

if evil why sexy?

@asiandramanet creator bingo — free choice — hei long | burning flames (2024) episode two

[starryalpacasstuff]

Last Twilight Episode 12;

Like most people, I did not like the ending of Last Twilight. It took me a while to gather my thoughts and find time to write on the episode, but in the meantime, I've been reading what others have had to say about the show, and I have a few thoughts.

As @waitmyturtles talked about here, discussing whether or not Day should have gotten his vision back presents an ethical dilemma. I've seen a few posts of people who dislike the fandom's outrage against Day getting his vision back, talking about how his getting his vision back does not undo all that he learned and did while he was disabled. Setting aside the fact that Day did not grow through the series, (which @chalkrevelations wrote about here) a big problem for me is feeling like the narrative did a complete 180 post-episode 10. A massive portion of the show was spent with Day learning to accept his blindness and learning to work with it, and although we knew that the surgery was on the table from episode one, it ended up feeling like it came out of nowhere in the final episode. One of the main reasons for this, I think, is because the show barely brought up the surgery in the first 3/4ths of the show (I can think of like 2 instances where it was mentioned) and then it's dropped onto us by Mhon and Night crashing Day and Mhok's date, after which everything became about the surgery. Up till the third quarter of the show, I had enjoyed that the story had such a tight storyline, with such clear intentions. But then the show veered into a very different direction post episode 10, which made the show feel completely different to what it was.

As @waitmyturtles says in her post, it could have been so much better if Day was able to actively choose the surgery, and that we, as an audience, got to see him actually consider the various paths that lay before him. For the surgery to have made sense, narratively speaking, the story would have to be slightly different. You don't just spend 10 episodes of a show working towards a theme and then end the show with the exact opposite of the theme. The final two episodes felt like they were of a completely different show (now, doesn't that sound familiar).

While we're talking about feeling betrayed by the narrative, I want to talk about Mee, and Last Twilight the book. They managed to fuck up Mee's story, and I am aghast. The significance of Mee's story, especially the ending, was completely thrown out by the episode, in particular the montage, which had me fuming. What happened to Day understanding what the author meant to convey by Mee's ending while Mhok didn't, because he felt a sense of kinship with the author's daughter, who Mee was based upon? Mee's story had reliably predicted Day's almost to the end, so what happened? They tried to subvert the ending of the novel, with Day 'reflecting' on Mee's story in the background of the montage. But all that it did was completely go against everything that the show and the novel had stood for.

Life amidst that dilemma caused me to forget what it was like to live a normal life, or how happy I could be.

Sincerely, what the fuck? A huge part of Last Twilight was Day finding, creating a new normal with Mhok. Day learning that his blindness didn't make him abnormal. But this completely erases that. It's saying that living as a blind person, Day wasn't living a normal life, nor was he truly happy.

When Mhok finished reading the story to Day, Day understood. He understood why the author chose to end the story that way, because he understood that being blind for the rest of his life wasn't a curse. He understood Mee, understood her joy, understood that she hadn't disappeared, understood that the ending of the book wasn't tragic.

What Day says here, is that he was heartbroken about Mee's fate because he related to her and felt like they shared the same fate, but he realizes that his story doesn't need to be the same as Mee's.

Isn't Day feeling pity for Mee here? Isn't he doing exactly what he broke up with Mhok for, viewing Mee as some tragic figure, when 6 years ago he had understood that Mee was not someone he needed to feel sorry for? I've posted about how important it was that Mee's story's ending was written with Mee rejoicing, rather than being written as a tragedy. It was so important that Day understood the author's intentions, rather than viewing it as a tragic story. So then, what changed? I don't know, this may be a bit of a stretch, but these lines just seem so wrong, and hypocritical coming from Day.

The intended purpose of this message seems to have been hope for a new, better life. But, if Day's blindness was the worst chapter of his life, what was the point of him learning to accept his blindness, to live with it, and what was the point of showing it to us?

Before the final episode aired, I had said that I hoped that we'd get a nod to Mee's story in the end, to add onto the impact and relevance of Mee's story in Day's. What we got instead, was a preachy reflection that went against everything that the first 10 episodes of the show had stood for, accompanied by a useless montage that completely upended the significance of the stories of both the show and the novel.

In the few minutes this montage lasted, it managed to successfully tear down everything that the first 10 episodes had shown us, everything that Mee's story had told us. Borrowing this one from @lurkingshan's tags in this post, how can a creator misunderstand their own narrative so badly?

I hesitate to use the term ableist to describe the last episode. But what I'm getting from this montage is that Day believes that he was neither normal nor happy while he was blind, and believes that it was the worst chapter of his life. Mee's story, one that is based on a little girl who was going blind, is shown as tragic, in contrast to Day's 'happy and normal' life. And that message seems pretty ableist to me. Which also makes me wonder, how much did Day really 'learn' from his time as a blind person? Because from what I'm getting from this montage, it wasn't a whole lot.

[regicidal-defenestration]

Whilst the return of Doctor Who in 2005 brought lots of good things, including, for sure, the return of Doctor Who, I think it did untold damage to Big Finish audio stories

[lunar-wandering]

Gotta quick question if you don't mind. How did you come up with the giggle glow AU? Was it like a random thought or... It's just really funny to me that the silly little monkies glow idk 🤣👍

(Sorry if you already answered)

you'd have to scroll all the way back to very first giggle glow au post from 2021 for your answer so i'll just tell you sdhflskdjfkl

i'd just taken my first covid vaccine right then, and it had given me. the WORST headache + nausea/dizziness.

so my autistic self decided. to make myself feel better. i'd watch. my little pony. NOT friendship is magic. the older one. gen3.

so basically long story short i watched the Lily Lightly episode and went "okay but what if i applied this concept to Wukong" and that's how that happened-

[silversoulstardust]

Missing scene from the ending of episode 10 Buddy Daddies.

(Mind the spoilers!)

word counts: 465 words

***************

When Kazuki and Rei got home from the handoff, the sight of Miri’s traces around the house was too painful to look at — her soft toys all over living room, her favorite sippy cup on the kitchen counter, crayons and drawings on the floor, a little blanket for when she fell asleep on the couch, haphazardly thrown over the armrest. It was a reminder of what they couldn’t have, of what they were incapable of doing. With head hung low, gaze not meeting Rei’s he said, “I’m gonna head straight to bed.” 

There was none of his usual rituals of putting the house together late at night. The only time he could tidy up after Miri was tucked in bed, because cleaning around her was impossible and mornings were reserved for making elaborate breakfasts. He couldn’t do it. Kazuki couldn’t bear looking at Miri’s belongings right now, or having to think of what to do with the rest of her stuff now that she was no longer here, no longer the first person he would greet in the morning as he made them their favorite french toasts, Miri more of a morning person than Rei ever was. 

This whole year felt like one massive fever dream.

A sudden dip on the mattress took Kazuki out of the trance, lost in thought for however long it had been as he stared at the ceiling with tears pooling at the corner of his eyes, on the verge of falling. With eyes already acclimatized to the darkness of the room, Rei appeared in his line of vision, lying on his side close enough for Kazuki to feel his body heat.

“Kazuki,” he muttered quietly. “Come here.”

That was all it took for Kazuki to unleash himself upon Rei. He slotted himself in Rei’s arms, which on rare occasions were open and inviting. Kazuki buried his face on the crook of his neck, clutching tight around his chest, before a breathless wail rippled through him, muffled by Rei’s shirt in his mouth. Tears burst out of his eyes and streamed down his face as he breathed through clenched teeth, fighting the pain that was ripping his heart into tiny little shreds. Life was simply too cruel. It took Kazuki’s child away from him not once, but twice.

Rei’s arms came around Kazuki’s neck and shaking shoulders, pulling him close into an embrace. A choked sob escaped Rei as he buried his face in the thick of Kazuki’s hair, as he bunched a fist of Kazuki’s shirt in his hand, the scratch from his nails accidentally digging into Kazuki’s skin was nowhere near as painful as whatever that was eating him alive from the inside.

Who would have thought, one little girl was all it took to break two ruthless hitmen?

[blubble-lake]

it's been over 2 weeks and this thing (unfortunately) still has a grip on me

[100-gar]

Controversial take but i watched all of jjk, in subbed, so it had my full attention 100% of the time, and i am of the opinion that it just fucking sucks.

So me and my wife were talking about it, and we were trying to figure out why people like it and we've come up short. I do not understand what's so appealing about this show for so many people. Can someone PLEASE tell me.