#and I know it's the charger because it won't work on my phone either

[neck-thats-made-for-bruising]

I don't freak about about things but when my laptop charger stops working I do

[leashybebes]

this isn't quite a fix-it, but it opens the door to fix it. also i have had a real shitty week for a whole host of reasons and i'm getting out my sads. sorry!

Tommy drives away from Evan's - Buck's - the loft - for the last time feeling like he's been gutted. Liked he's gutting himself. He has to pull over at one point just to breathe, just so that if he's not driving he can't pull a highly illegal u-turn in the middle of the road and go back. 

The first voicemail is on his phone by the time he gets home. For a long, wavering moment, he thinks he isn't going to listen to it, but it never really feels like an option. In the cab of his truck, Tommy hits play. The message is thirteen seconds of silence, an inhale, and the dial tone. Tommy listens to it three times, turns the volume all the way up, blocks his other ear. 

It's just silence.

Everything is just silence.

—

The second message comes three days later, sometime during his shift, when he'd voluntarily benched himself for the first time in years, spent the day doing maintenance, his phone tucked away in his locker so he can stop feeling stupid for reflexively checking it every five minutes. Two weeks from now, he won't know Evan's schedule, but right now he knows he's on shift and part of him can't help anticipating those regular little updates. He knows they won't come - in his head he knows it, but his stupid, cowardly, aching heart is taking a minute to get with the programme.

That same stupid heart leaps when he sees the notification at the end of his shift. It plummets again quick enough, because he knows - he blew it all up so severely there's no way the message can be anything other than anger or practicalities, so he waits until he gets home to listen to it. It's not much longer than the silent one from the other day, but it's so much worse.

"I'm gonna send Eddie over with your stuff. Can you give him my things, please."

It sounds flat, rehearsed, awful. Tommy tells himself he doesn't have the right to feel sad, lets his eyes slide away from the bottle of scotch in the cupboard and goes for a late night drive instead.

When he gets home, he gathers the stuff Evan had left around over the course of the last six months - clothes, a phone charger, aftershave. He packs them into a box with his key to the loft, thinking about how he never used it unless he got there before Evan, thinking about all the lines he drew without even realising it. He tucks his heating pad in between two of Evan's shirts - Tommy doesn't get much use out of it anyway, and Evan always loved it on days when his leg flared up. Hopefully they can write it off as an oversight on his part, but he wants Evan to have it.

The conversation with Eddie is painfully awkward. Tommy doesn't dare to ask how Evan is doing, and Eddie doesn't need to ask Tommy how he is; it's written all over his face. He hasn't been sleeping, hasn't been working out. He hasn't been drinking either, but only because his self-imposed rules about when he's allowed to drink forbid it.

"Don't be a stranger," Eddie says as he's leaving. 

Tommy knows he will be. Enough time, enough distance, and he'll be a stranger to them all all over again. He'll be a memory for Evan for a while, but give it long enough, and he'll be a memory he doesn't remember. It'll be okay. It'll all be okay.

—

The third message comes a few weeks later. Tommy's out on another aimless drive - he doesn't love spending time at home anymore. He knows it'll get better, but for now, he's spending pretty much all his waking hours in his car, at the gym, and at work. Like the very first message, he stays in the cab of the truck when he listens to this one. He's glad he managed to put off listening until he got home because this - this is the one that devastates him.

"Hey, Tommy. It's Evan. Well, Buck, I guess."

Evan's drunk, and Tommy should stop listening to the message right now, for his own sanity, and for Evan's dignity come the morning. But his voice…

"I'm real glad I didn't break your heart, Tommy." It sounds mean, sharp, so un-Evan, but it's followed by a silence, and then, "I am. I actually am." There's another silence, a sniffle. "Wish you didn't break mine, but… whatever. Be safe, Tommy."

In the cab of his truck, clasping his phone so hard he's distantly a little worried he might crack the screen, Tommy cries for the first time.

—

There's a month and a half of silence after that, and he hopes that means Evan is moving on. Tommy gets back home from a failed attempt to visit an old hook-up spot and get out of his head for the night. He's had a few drinks because it didn't break the rules (it wasn't a bad shift, he wasn't alone and okay, yes, he's sad, but if he sticks religiously to that rule he might never know the simple pleasure of a cold beer ever again), but he's not drunk enough for it to cushion the blow when he flops down on his cold bed and hits play.

"Hey, uh. Happy birthday, Tommy. I hope you had a good day."

He didn't.

—

A month later.

"I went on a date tonight. It was with a woman though, so I'm gonna guess I'm still not queer the right way for you, huh? Fuck you, Tommy. My date fucking sucked."

Tommy feels about two feet tall, and like that's exactly how he deserves to feel. His thumb hovers over the block button for less than a second - he owes Evan the outlet, and that awful, scared little masochist that lives in the heart of him won't turn down the opportunity to let Evan's voice claw at him every chance he gets.

—

He tells himself he's not going to listen to the next message that comes through, but he's briefly very glad he does.

"Hey, Tommy. I wanted you to know - Maddie and Chim are having another baby. It's past three months so they're telling people now. I, uh - I just wanted you to know. Um." Abruptly, Evan sounds on the verge of tears. "I miss you, you dick. I wanted that with you. Fuck."

And then he's back to feeling crushed. It wouldn't have worked out. It wouldn't have. But he's sorry that Evan's still hurting. His own hurt is - it's just the baseline of his existence turned up a little louder than usual. It'll pass.

He tells himself that every day, every hour, every minute. It'll pass, it'll pass, it'll pass.

Howie texts him the same news later that day. Tommy thinks the message he sends back is perfectly normal, but Howie shows up at his door that night with a six pack of beer and that annoyingly perceptive air about him that makes Tommy feel seen and unsafe in the exact same way it has since the day they met.

The first beer, they talk about the pregnancy in light ways. Howie's excited. Maddie's perfect. Jee's ecstatic. Tommy's happy for them.

The second beer, Howie talks about how scared he is. How they have set ground rules and they're sticking to them, but he's walking through the world with a little core of fear inside him. Tommy almost cries.

The third beer, Howie asks how he's doing. Tommy does cry. Just a little, and he turns his face away quick enough that Howie doesn't see. He still knows, though.

"He leaves me these voicemails," Tommy says, and he sounds wrecked even to his own ears. "I know I don't - I don't have the right to miss him, but it - "

"Tommy."

"It hurts, Howie."

"I know, bud," Howie says, his hand on the back of Tommy's neck, a rough squeeze.. "I know."

—

The next message is the beginning of the end of it all. Tommy's actually had a - not terrible day. He flew four times, the sky was perfect, the calls went well. They had really good tacos for lunch at the station. 

The message is waiting for him when he gets home. Evan sounds - subdued.

"Hey, Tommy. Listen, I'm gonna - I'm gonna stop calling. I'm - you hurt me. You really, really hurt me. But I think I might be hurting you too, still, and I hate that, even if I'm mad at you. I'm really mad at you, and I think - I think I'm just gonna stay mad at you unless something changes. So I'd - I'd like to see you. Talk. Say - some things. Say goodbye. It's okay if you don't want to. But I'd like to. Let me know if you wanna. And if not, then, I don't know. Bye, I guess."

Bye, I guess. 

Tommy hesitates for less time than he'd like to admit. Maybe he can just ignore this one like he has all the others (is ignore the right word if they have become the constant background soundtrack to his waking hours and woven themselves into his dreams?) and Evan will be as good as his word - stop calling, stay mad, hate Tommy, but move on from him.

But it's Evan, and he's asking for something from Tommy, and the one and only time Tommy turned him down for something he really wanted, he hurt them both so bad. The least he owes Evan - the very least - is closure. And if it drives the shards of heartbreak deeper into Tommy then, hey, whatever, he's pretty sure those shards are a feature not a bug, by this point.

He navigates to their message thread, carefully doesn't look at the most recent communications - a silly joke, a heart, a can't wait to see you - and tries to find the words to reply.

—

It's not somewhere they've ever been before, and Tommy feels like that was probably deliberate on Evan's part. Still, the scene is so familiar it makes Tommy's steps falter. Evan, at a table in the sunshine, two coffee cups in front of him. He looks beautiful. He looks nervous. He looks tired. He's chosen a table away from any of the other patrons.

Part of Tommy wants to run. The rest of him knows he owes Evan the bravery he couldn't give him all those months ago, and he approaches the table, hands in his pockets.

Evan looks up, smiles like it's a reflex, but it falls away from his face like he's remembered he's mad at Tommy.

"Thanks for coming."

Tommy shrugs. "Of course."

[macgyvermedical]

Moving vs Fleeing (and what you need to flee)

I was on a call last night with a very reputable LGBTQ+ organization in my state that discussed the difference between moving and fleeing.

Essentially, moving is planned. You get an apartment and a job in another city- hopefully you visit that city to scope it out. Then you move your life. It takes, at minimum, months.

Fleeing is unplanned. Something is happening that is so bad in your area that you have to cut and run. It may not be police at your door. But it might be legislation that prevents you from using restrooms without the risk of being killed or arrested. It might be lack of access to medications and something that makes it illegal to get those medications in a different state. It might be the classification of your life (as someone gay or tans) as a sex crime, and sex crimes being punishable by death (a goal of project 2025).

And, they recommended, get things together before it gets to that point, even if you aren't sure that it will happen, so fleeing is as easy as possible if you need to do it.

Here's what you can do:

Pick a location you can get to either by bus, train, or car that has a good track record for your needs and that you think you could live. Do your research- are there jobs there in your field? Housing?

Then get yourself a bag or large backpack.

Get a file folder and put your documents in it. I mean things like your passport, your birth certificate, your social security card, copies of any professional licenses you have, a checkbook, name change documentation, copies of financial documents like mortgages, copies of insurance cards and policies, copies of marriage licenses, and a copy of your driver's license. These are things you might need if you have to prove your identity or get a job or apartment. Then print out maps of several routes to your destination. Put the file folder in the bag.

Add to that: a couple of changes of clothes for each person including a hat and a cloth or disposable face covering (people don't question them as much since the pandemic, and they're convenient to hide your face). Lightweight, caloric foods for at least 3 days that don't require cooking (protein bars work great for this). A month of medications and an emergency script for each medication for each person (get a paper prescription from your doctor that is good for a year or the max allowed for each medication) if you can get it. Pay out of pocket with a coupon card if your insurance won't cover your refill early. 1-2 containers of baby wipes so you don't necessarily need to shower. An empty water bottle for each person. A phone charger.

Buy a gift card that can be used for anything. I won't say how much because I don't know your situation, but make it enough that you can pay for gas or bus/train/airline tickets to your destination and (if you can) temporary lodging/food once you get there. Gift cards are less traceable than debit/credit cards and aren't easy to cancel. An alternative is cash, but that can be an easier target for theft if people see you with it.

Finally, bring something of comfort, like a blanket or memento or stuffed animal.

[beanghostprincess]

Sanuso Modern AU in which Sanji works as a waiter at the Baratie and Zoro invites Usopp to have dinner with him because Usopp's art school is close to Zoro's dojo. And so Usopp assumes (biggest mistake. Don't assume anything when it comes to this green-haired dumbass) that Zoro has money and will be the one paying. So of course, when they finish eating and they actually have to pay, Zoro says that he doesn't have any money with him and just assumed (biggest mistake. Don't assume Usopp will ever willingly pay when he could just take advantage of his best friend) that Usopp had money with him.

So, of course, Zoro tells him to wait there at the table. His apartment is close and he can just go there and grab the money! Usopp's second biggest mistake: Don't ever let Zoro walk home alone. Don't ever let Zoro be responsible for money stuff, either.

But Usopp realizes that fairly late when an hour has passed already and the staff is looking at him weirdly. He keeps chewing on the bread they had left and drinking water to look less suspicious, but he's dying from anxiety and Zoro just won't pick up the phone!

They're getting ready to close the restaurant and of course, they just had to send someone to tell him to pay and fuck off or- Or go to jail? What- What do they do to you when you don't pay in a restaurant? Is it like stealing? Usopp is going to die. They're going to murder him with the same knives they used to cut the chicken he ate.

The guy who approaches him with the bill seems exhausted and uninterested and Usopp really, really doesn't want to look up. "Glad you liked our shitty restaurant, but it's time to hit the hay for some and my boss wants me to kick your ass as quick as possible. So why don't you make this easier for both of us and just pay already instead of licking bread like a starving orphan."

Usopp is visibly shaking when he speaks up. "Uh- Yeah! Of course! Can't- Can't you add it to my-"

"We don't do that here, smartass, try something else. Like paying."

"Yes. Of course. I- I'll have you know I am the son of a very rich owner of a conglomerate and I'm just waiting for my chauffeur to come pick me up and give me my credit card! I just forgot I left it on the back of the limousine, silly me!"

There's a silence after that. A long, uncomfortable, and anxious silence that's only filled with the sound of other waiters cleaning the tables and moving chairs.

Then, the guy sits right in front of him. "Your friend ditched you, didn't he?"

And Usopp can't keep lying anymore, so he sighs while he looks up at the guy in front of him. "Forgot the money. He probably got lost on his way home."

The guy frowns, and Usopp doesn't have enough time to process how hot and handsome and classy and effortlessly cute he looks right now. With his long (Yes, Sanji has long hair here) hair in a bun and his tie undone. "That's pretty messed up." And he's being so genuine and serious about it that it almost scares Usopp, thinking Sanji might have taken it the wrong way.

"No! No. He's just a dumbass. And he- He lives literally not even two blocks away. He just can't tell between right and left."

"Dyslexic?"

"He's just stupid, but don't ask him to spell anything, either. I actually think he should go get that checked, though?"

And that makes the guy laugh. Like- Smile. With teeth and everything. And for a moment, Usopp doesn't give a fuck about the money.

"Tried calling him?"

"A few times. Then my phone died. And here we are! Are- Are you going to..."

"Going to do what, handsome?"

Okay. No. This waiter is going to be the death of him.

"Uh- If- If he doesn't come here."

"What would you want me to do?" And he rests his chin on the palm of his hand and whispers that so lewdly that it almost makes Usopp have a stroke. But then he laughs again, and just looks around the room before resting his back on the sit. "What I'm going to do is give you a phone charger, first and foremost. And then I'll keep you company while the dumbass of your friend comes here. Worst case scenario, you stay with us for a week cleaning dishes."

Usopp is starting to wonder if that really would be the worst-case scenario.

Long story short, Sanji gives him a phone charger and they stay at that table together for a long, long while. The restaurant is pretty much closed already but Sanji (that's the waiter's name. Sanji. Sounds good on Usopp's lips) stays with him. He tells Usopp about how he wishes he could be a real cook instead of just a waiter, but his father (surprisingly the owner of the restaurant) won't let him actually be a cook for real until he says so. Which seems to frustrate him, but still he speaks about his father with endearment. Usopp tells him about Zoro being stupid and one thing leads to another and he's telling him about anecdotes of his friend group. Sanji mentions Luffy, a friend of his that always comes here to eat, and how he would probably get along with Zoro because they're both dumbasses.

And the night keeps going. And going. And going. And it doesn't seem like Sanji is staying only to keep an eye on Usopp. It almost looks like he's flirting, and Usopp, somehow, has enough confidence to flirt back.

But of course, they had to ruin it. Someone knocks on the door of the restaurant and they both assume it's Zoro, but it's actually Nami instead. Zoro called her and told her everything, yadda yadda. She's exhausted and by the looks of her outfit, she was probably out partying when this happened. Usopp kind of wants to tell her to go away and leave them alone, but he just can't do that with Sanji in front of them.

Whatever. She pays for him. Adds it to his and Zoro's debt. And walks away, waiting for Usopp outside.

They both want to see each other again, that much is clear. But they're both also stupid, so neither asks for the other's phone number. And Usopp goes away without saying a word besides "Sorry I made you spend a Friday night with a stranger. At work, of all places."

To which Sanji responds with: "Well, despite what I said before, I really like my work. And I really, really liked that stranger, Usopp."

And it ends there.

Or it doesn't, because at some point they see each other again. Whether it's because Usopp goes to the Baratie again or because Sanji shows up suddenly in Usopp's art school. I won't say because I have no idea and this is just a concept, but I found it sweet!!!

[being-addie]

How to have a productive study session.

When your finals are in 2 days, and you've definitely NOT studied enough, it's normal to panic. You sit down to study and get a solid 30 minutes of calculus done, then jump down the rabbit hole called YouTube. Soon enough the dread creeps up because you're still not done.

As a girl who doesn't attend school regularly due to coaching classes I go to (I'll expand on this later), it's pretty easy to forget to study for exams and projects.

But there's nothing better than getting 98% on that exam. So I'm writing this as someone who's been scoring straight As all my life. Here's how to have a productive study session:

Note: This isn't a guide for romanticising studies. This is meant for a serious, productive session. I will, however, be making a guide to help romanticise studies because I've found it helps a lot.

Before you study

Identify what your distractions are: Let's be real, almost everyone has their phone on hand during study sessions. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb and keep it in a corner of the room. Add a few selected contacts that can reach you while your phone is on DND. If you can turn off notifications entirely, do that.

Taking measures: After I keep my phone away, my brain turns to the next thing it could be distracted by. My laptop and tablet. Put those devices in focus mode, so you won't be tempted to use any other apps and use a Chrome extension like StayFocused or WasteNoTime to not get sidetracked.

Resources: Make sure you have all your material on hand. Video lectures, notes, guides, your formula sheet, and flash cards. Keep everything on hand so you won't have to rifle through papers to find that reference sheet.

Your space: Clean your desk. Keep only the things you need. Your pens and pencils, chargers, annotation material and water bottle. If you want, light a candle. Do not clutter it unnecessarily. Your desk is a sacred space. Treat it that way.

When you sit down

The checklist: Do you have all the material required? Electronics, chargers, a snack and a drink? Water bottle? Extra pen? If you have everything beforehand, you'll be less likely to lose focus because you forgot to charge your headphones.

Make a plan: I cannot stress this enough. You'll sit down and just start studying, and next thing you know, it's 7pm and all you've done is watch videos on celebrity drama. Make a goddamn plan. Write down a realistic number of chapters you can complete and then STICK TO IT.

Begin: Reread and review your notes. I usually like to rewrite my notes in neater handwriting, because my handwriting in class is appalling. To really solidify information, I recommend the 'Blurting' method. Read a paragraph, then close the book and say what you understood out loud. Reread to see what you missed and take note. I did this for my history exam and got a 100%. This shit works for a reason. Use the Pomodoro technique to maximise productivity. Set an alarm for 25 minutes, and do intensive study. Once that's done, take a 5-minute break. Return and repeat.

IMPORTANT

Take a break: Ah yes, if you don't get up every 40 minutes or so for a break, eventually whatever you're studying will start looking like garbage and you'll be back to square one. GET UP. Walk around. STRETCH. You've been looking like a croissant🥐. Eat something. Rehydrate.

Forgive yourself: If you couldn't hit your target, don't be harsh on yourself. Find out the cause: Were you distracted? Did something unavoidable come up? Then try to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Study buddy: This is a double-edged sword. Studying with a friend can either increase your productivity by a massive amount, or it can help you get absolutely zero work done. When revising with a friend, make sure you study with someone who has the same goals as you and won't get distracted by things.

It's 2023, procrastination is cancelled. Go drink some water, eat a granola bar and finish that assignment you've been delaying. Be the person who finishes all their work, on time and perfectly. You can do it.

<3

[problematicsashawaybright]

"Ivy is insane in a different way" PLEASE elaborate on that.

HAHAHAHA NOW YOU ARE SENTENCED TO LISRENING TO ME INFODUMP ABOUT MY OC!!!! >:))))

okay so ivy is one of the characters in my podcast. August, the main character who's perspective the story is told, is actually kind of insane. She was gaslit and manipulated her entire childhood after witnessing the brutal death of her father (not like the internet version of gaslighting, like ACTUAL gaslighting. She thought she was experiencing psychosis her entire life after the incident because everyone called her crazy and didn't believe her). She's rude, she's aggressive, she's impulsive, she is kind of selfish, she likes causing problems on purpose, and generally isn't liked.

Ivy, on the other hand, on the surface, seems "normal". Her mom died when she was 11, her dad was an alcoholic who was kind of negligent after her mom's death, so she was stuck raising her 4 brothers. She is a really good photographer and artist and after junior college got accepted into UCLA on a full ride scholarship (something that is unheard of) but her brothers all moved out across the country and her dad got sick, so she had to postpone UCLA to stay in her small town and care for him as his condition progresses.

She, in my opinion, is the only emotionally intelligent character in this podcast, because she's been to therapy and refuses to become like her dad, and has a healthy understanding of interpersonal relationships and what behavior to tolerate.

Since she grew up raising 4 boys and dealing with her dad who can be kind of mean, she doesn't take any shit at all. August will try to engage in an argument (because that's what she does when she feels insecure because it's all she knows) but Ivy won't even look up from her book and will be like "babe, you're being kind of mean. Go take a walk and calm down, and then we can talk" and she does and they have a productive conversation after.

I've always hated the trope of character A having trauma and character B either "fixing" them in a therapist role or tolerating being mistreated and justifying it because "they're struggling". That's not their dynamic at all. Ivy will love her unconditionally, however if August is being unfair or rude or a conversation is unproductive, she'll disengage until August is ready to have a normal conversation. She won't let herself be manipulated or forced into anything, so she makes August take responsibility. She's really kind and gentle, but she's absolutely not a pushover or a people pleaser.

So the way she's insane, in a different way than August, is that she is incredibly determined and can fixate on certain things and not let them go, sometimes to her own disadvantage. She is canonically disabled and a full time cane/crutches user, and she frequently pushes herself past her limits physically in order to achieve things. Like she'll wake up in pain, but insist on walking all around town to complete her freelance photography goals, and then not really rest afterwards when she's exhausted and in pain.

She also just. Doesn't let things go. Like I said, she doesn't become codependent with August or fall into a therapist role, but she sees August for the first time at the airport screaming at her brother on the phone and throwing her keys against the wall really hard, and she's like "wow she's so pathetic. I want her so bad." And she follows her around and insists on helping her every step of the way until she actually shows some vulnerability and allows her to. (Not in a way that harms Ivy, but like she sees August melting down in an airport cafe because she forgot her computer charger, and when August walks away from her stuff, Ivy leaves her own laptop charger on the table with a sweet note)

She is the type of person to work on projects for DAYS, without eating or sleeping, and when the podcast picks up and she's a part of it, there are several moments when she's about to collapse in exhaustion because she just. Can't let things go long enough to sleep or eat a meal. (This causes some really delicious internal conflict with August because she's built her entire personality over being independent and keeping everyone far far away from her heart and pretending not to care about anyone but herself, but then she sees this really annoying girl who keeps following her around being kind and understanding struggling to stand because she's so tired, and she doesn't know if she should pretend not to care or follow her instincts that feel foreign and unnatural to her and give her a comfortable place to sleep and make her a nice meal)

While I consider her the most emotionally intelligent character, she also has some trauma responses. She is usually able to deal with conflict, but if someone is accusing her of doing something she didn't do, it will trigger her responses from her upbringing with her father and being responsible for her brothers, so she'll get passive aggressive and passively angry towards whoever is triggering it. So if someone is yelling at her or trying to manipulate her, she'll stand her ground, but if someone even suggests she did something she didn't or misunderstands her intentions, it will start an argument and she won't be able to communicate as effectively.

Finally, if she is triggered, she doesn't get outwardly angry, rather, she retreats into herself. She becomes avoidant and detached, and kind of stews in her anger. She doesn't want to talk about it, and she'll keep going about like everything is normal, but something is noticably off and she is very cold and distant. Her responses will be very short and neutral and she'll be kind of passive aggressive.

In conclusion, her type of insane balances out August's perfectly. August is very outwardly angry and problematic and avoidant, but in a way where she runs from her responsibilities (when the plot picks up, she left home at 15 and hadn't talked to her family in 10 years). August is irresponsible and tends to be selfish and self destructive. Ivy has better interpersonal skills, but tends to work herself to death and burn herself out, and gets cold and passive aggressive when triggered. But it balances out because she's learning how to accept help and not be "on" and perfect and responsible all the time, and August is learning how to care for/about others, communicate directly, and be more responsible.

[mentallyshattered]

This is part 11 of the "What if Yuu didn't want to go back?" Series!

(I, the author of this work, do not consent to this work being crossposted/translated without my knowledge or used to train an AI, ever.)

Masterlist

By the time I leave, I have a ready-to-use phone and a phone case that somehow reminds me of both Grim and Pomefiore, courtesy of Rook. And, bonus: the touchscreen works through my gloves, so I can use it after class without taking them off and risking losing them.

Grim seems to like the charger more than the phone- naturally. He's a cat, the charger is a long thing that waves and dangles, that's what I figured would happen.

"No, Grim, don't bite that. Come on, let's put on our dorm uniforms and go find a nice stick to make a toy out of."

"Nice stick? How am I supposed to hold that?"

"You aren't. I have a piece of string to tie to it."

"So..."

"I can wave the stick around, and you can chase the string."

Grim's face lights up, and he magically changes into his dorm clothes without further instruction or prompting. I head into the closet.

The dorm uniform is incredibly comfy. The fabric is not only soft, but also tailored to fit me, and thermal in such a way that I'm never cold. I ought to wear this more.

When I reenter the room, Grim hops readily onto my shoulder. Off to find a toy, I suppose.

But, even as I search, something eats at me. It's nothing I don't recognize, but it's nothing I can just deal with- it's the knowledge that, out of all the people here, I am the only one with no magic.

Just knowing I've made it this far, so far, and I'm missing that one final thing- Grim wants to be a great sorcerer, so I either hold him back by keeping him with me 24/7, stick with him and watch as I pretend I'm okay with being so close to magic, and yet so far from having any of my own, or die.

I don't want to die. Not anymore. Not now, not when my death will actually hurt people. Not when there are people who will miss me and mourn me and wish I stayed. Not when my absence will open an unfillable hole in someone's heart.

I don't want anyone to feel that, because I've felt it myself, and it hurts. It hurts so much, like there's a part of you that's just void, and it's sucking the life out of you, bit by bit.

I felt that. For years, I felt that, killing me wholly and forcing me to live, day after night after miserable day, with no end in sight.

No. I won't die now. I'll wait until I've lost Grim and Vil and Rook and Epel and Korrak and Mandible and Deuce and Ace. I'll die when I'm just a distant memory of "one of our roomies in college," and "that classmate from my first year at Night Raven," and "the freshman with the flame-eared familiar."

I will die when I am nothing more than "that blurry memory of someone I knew and forgot."

"Monseur Mystery."

Rook's voice is soft, and tender, and worried, and caring, and kind. Kind. Kind, because he doesn't care about my lack of magic- he cares about me, the freshman with the flame-eared familiar. He cares about me, Monseur Mystery. He cares about me. Me, someone he knows and hasn't forgotten.

I needed that reminder. It's so quiet out here. My thoughts spiral and I can't stop it and there are tears streaming down my face, leaving little dark spots on Rook's dorm uniform.

I blink. Weren't we just on the ground? This ground is soft, like- oh, Rook moved us into a tree. I'm sitting on his thigh, not leaves. That makes sense.

No matter. With his arms wrapped around me and my arms wrapped around his waist, I am safe. That much, I know.

Grim is saying something. I hear his words, I know what they mean, but the dots go unconnected, and I take comfort in simply knowing he's here.

"Monseur Mystery, I hope you do not mind. Vil wishes to see you."

Vil. Another person to whom I am not just a distant, fading memory. Another person who cares about the freshman with the flame-eared familiar. Another person who cares about Yuu.

Rook is tapping on glass now. I am still crying, tears still running down my cheeks and into the fabric of Rook's uniform.

Another pair of strong arms wrap around me, pulling me into an embrace that's warm like the heat from a lit fireplace and strong like the house it's built into.

Secure. I feel secure here, held by two people who are, in some way, my parents, the first parents I've ever had, and never had, because, somehow, I still feel as though my life has yet to start. Like I've never been born, but I've died nonetheless.

Despite that, I feel safe and secure and loved, for the first time in what's not yet my life, but not the first, rather, just the most intense.

Back then, when Vil cut and brushed my hair, when I told them how I'd known Grim's name, I had tried to hold back my tears. I wasn't just sad, I was scared, scared this new world would be just as cruel as the last.

But, here, now, I let the sadness show in my sobs, in my sniffles, in my hiccups, in my tears.

For the first time, I am embracing sorrow, and I am nearly alive, closer than ever before.

The tears have stopped. The despair has lessened. The sadness has given way to joy. Faint joy, but joy nonetheless.

Vil is holding my face in his hands, meeting my eyes with violet irises filled with compassion, the likes of which is so intense I could never dream it.

"What's wrong? Why were you crying?"

I look away from him for only a moment, because that's all the time it takes for me to realize I crave his affection and the look in his eyes.

"All I need is magic," my voice is breaking, "and that's the one thing I don't have."

"You know," Grim pipes up, "remember the thing with the water glass? You said the ripples on the surface were because of the footsteps of the students walking in the hall."

"Well... yeah. That's what footsteps do."

"The footsteps of five people, all at least twenty meters away and trying to muffle their footsteps? On these solid floors?"

Wait. Grim has a point. Could those ripples have really been... me?

No. "There are a thousand things other that magic that could've caused that, Grim. Not all of them were there, sure, but only one had to be."

"Let me see your magestone." Vil's sudden request catches me off guard.

"Why?"

Vil just holds out his hand. "You'll see."

I hand him my magestone, and he holds it up to the light.

"Perhaps," he begins, "it is for the better that you know no spells."

The gem shines a beautiful black, all the way through- with the sole exception of three little lines of Pomefiore purple at the bottom that form a sort of upside-down trident head.

"Why is that, Vil?"

"Because," he smiles, "you would've overblotted by now if you used any magic."

"Overblotted?" For once, mine and Grim's voices are in total unison.

"Yes. Using too much magic, with no rest, causes blot buildup. But," he places my magestone back in my palm, "so do negative emotions."

"What are you?.."

"Do you know what blot requires, Yuu?"

"Uhh, nope."

Vil smiles, closing my fingers over my obsidianesque gem.

"Magic."

[polishmenace]

hi. afterthought - I'm sorry this is so long

that caution on your ed post? Take the same disclaimer here. Please only read this if you are able to handle it safely.

I can't promise I won't overshare, I'm tired as fuck and I have never talked to people about this. Idk if this will help

Obviously I don't know how you got your ed. I doubt we have all the same reasons, but this isn't for that. but as someone living with a mother who's bipolar and schizophrenia from both sides, that isnt easy to live with. Seeing your family purge isn't something to forget easily. Seeing how psychological conditions wear people down isn't easy, so to end up with one too? The feeling is indescribable.

So, from a guy one skipped meal & a fall down his concrete stairs away from his death, I wanted to share your pain. there wasn't a word in your post that I didn't feel without every fiber of my being. And it fucking hurts. I'm so so sorry you feel this too.

Recovery is never going to look a certain way, and relapsing into the mindset does not mean you're not getting better. It isn't so linear, Michaeł, please don't compare your journey to anyone else's. Don't compare it to how you think it should go, because the only wrong answer here is giving up.

You can feel sick of it all, and pissed, and maybe at times like you don't care anymore, and everything that suffering makes you feel - but please don't give up on yourself.

I wish I could give you more. I wish I could tell advise how to convince yourself to eat, but I haven't managed in days. I don't think I know how either. Hell I smoke to get hungry and even that has stopped working.

Please keep reaching out. Talk to people, just anyone, if you haven't yet, you'll find someone who listens. Hell, I'd listen in a heartbeat. You deserve to be heard, Michaeł. You deserve to be seen, your progress and your regress. You are so much more than your pain, even when it gets into that all consuming feeling. I hope you've known that for a long time.

I believe so much in you Michaeł. I love you so incredibly even though you're an odd little polish man in my phone. And you deserve that from what I've seen.

I'm sorry if this is ranty, I wanted to send it when I saw the post yesterday but my phone was dead without charger :( I don't want to fuck up your morning. I truly hope you have a good one, Michaeł, and I believe in you. Not that you'll never relapse, but that you'll keep healing. I believe in your progress Michaeł, no matter how it looks. I hope you can do the same.

You don't need to reply to this ask. It might be a mess so maybe it's better if you don't

You're not alone Michaeł.

Awww I’m cryinggggg (relief tears) You are so sweet. I am so conflicted still but you don’t know how much reassurance helps. Thank you so much <3

and also, I am completely willing co commiserate with you if you’d like to talk

[one-time-i-dreamt]

Thursday: charger disappeared

Also Thursday: I wrote in the work groupchat that I need the charger and can't be without it because I use my phone for work as well and that buying a new one is expensive and I would very much like to avoid that cost because $$$$ so if someone borrowed it, please just give it back and I won't be mad, I always let people use my charger either way, so it's not a big deal

Also same Thursday: no one says anything, some colleagues help me look, no one knows where the charger went (I trust my department)

Friday: no charger still, my phone about to die, forced to buy a new one, $$$$ expensive

Weekend: no one says a word still

Monday: charger appears on my desk before shift

I AM ABOUT TO SCREAM THE SCREAMIEST SCREAM I'VE EVER SCREAMT

someone freaking borrowed it for the weekend knowing my old phone will die without this charger and that my turn on/off button fell out and if it dies, I lose my old phone for good because it can't be fixed

A SNAKE DID THIS

Not a dream

My charger disappeared at work

Bad week overall for me

[0oolookitsme]

My Charger!

Genre- Blurb

Pairing- longhair!Harry x reader

Word count- 769

Warnings- none, just fluff :)

A/n- it’s just a blurb and reblogs are loved. Enjoy!

"Urgh where are you?" You said to yourself as you searched the whole house for your phone. You left it on the kitchen slab to find the charger amd whem when you didn't, you came back to take your phone and now you can't find your phone.

You let out a "huuuuuuuuuh" and gave up while laying on the couch face smushed on the material. Nose terribly scrunching so you turned your face so your ear was smushed now.

You get up after a while and go on another searching spree for your phone and charger or at least either of them.

Probably phone but it isn't charged, so charger but what will you do with just the charger. You let out an another sigh out of frustration as you rubbed your face with the palm of your hands.

Soon Harry came in the view when you were searching in the bath room.

"What are you doing?" He asked, furrowing. Clearly trying to hide his smile.

"You don't know?" You asked, face scrunching up in confusion.

"....no?" He said looking at you like you were the winner of 'who's the biggest stupid'.

"Oh I can't believe my self" you said mouth slight agape. "Come here my knight in shining armour" you told him, while opening your arms wide open as if inviting him for a hug.

He looked at you suspiciously for a while but gave up and came penguin walking in your arms.

"Hmmmmm".

"I can't believe that I didn't assign you the work yet" you said muffling your laugh in his shoulder.

"What do you mean?" He asked turning to be met with the side of neck and ear as he was still hugging you.

You laughed a devilish laugh and tightens your grip on him. "I can't find my phone and charger".

He stiffened a bit and tried to pull back when he heard 'charger' but of course couldn't because of your extremely soft grip on him :)

"What about 'em?" He asked nervously laughing a bit.

"I need you to help me find them" you said stressing the word 'find'.

"Um sure!" He said pulling back but stuck in your hug.

"You need to leave me love or else how will I find 'em hmm?"he continued.

"Oh yeeah suuure" you said leaving him and walking out of the bath room.

You knew he was charging his own phone with your charger when he tried to pull back so as soon as you noticed that you were out of his sight you made a straight flight to the guest room.

A place where you both probably won't check if somethings 'missing'.

Where As when Harry saw that you were out of sight he made his way to the guest room running as fast as he can without making much noise.

As he opened the door he caught you removing the charger from his phone and lightly padded his way to you.

"Look! I found it! how could I forget I left it here" you dramatically waved your hand around the room.

"I know right that was quite idiotic of you" he said hugging you from behind.

You immediately sensed his intentions and turned around so the charger was hanging on his back.

You both smiled brightly at eachother and out of now where he picked you up and started running.

"HARRY WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WE ARE GONNA FALL!!!!!!!!" You said desperately wanting him to stop.

He just laughed in return and you noticed that he took a turn towards the bed room.

You just clutched in him tighter with the intentions that if he decides to drop you, he will fall along.

He was quick to feel your grip tighten on him, he pushed the door with his back and one hand and landed on the bed with a huge jump and an 'aaow" from you as he landed on you.

"Get offfffffff" you whined, trying to push his shoulder off yours.

He slid to your right but kept his grip on you.

"Hmmm" you both sighed and mentally decided for a noon nap.

The phone was....well it was long forgotten by you but Harry knew how you're gonna threaten him on him sleeping on couch when you wake up and find your phone dead.

But right now he couldn't care less and soon felt himself drifting off to visit his dream land.

Suddenly he felt a pinch on his bum, he immediately opened his eyes and saw you smirking.

"Don't tell me you thought that I am gonna leave my phone dead"

⊱ ────── {END} ────── ⊰

[arson-404]

Hello! @bubblyani inspired me to make this!

Truth | 01

Warnings: 18+, lime, blood, death, murder, suicide, depression

Fandom: Lucifer

Pronouns used for reader: she/her (reader is also AFAB)

Enjoy, loves. <3

"Please? It'll be so much fun!"

Your friend said, putting an emphasis on 'fun'.

You sighed, rubbing the bridge of your nose. "Fine, but if either of us gets kidnapped at this club, it's not my fault."

"Oh my God, you're so dramatic."

"It's my talent. When are we going? I have work to do today." You asked, fumbling with a shirt that was on the floor of your bedroom.

"Does eleven o'clock work?"

You glanced over to the clock, reading the time.

7 PM.

You'd be done with work at around eight-thirty.

Thinking for a moment, you reluctantly agreed. "Okay. LUX, right?"

"Yay! Yeah, the owner's super hot. And so is one of the bartenders. Maya? Macie? Something with an 'a' and 'm'."

"Gosh, you thirst over everyone."

"You would, too, if you saw them! Which you will. Well, I don't know if the bartender will be there, but—"

You two talked a while, until you had to do your at-home work.

You liked working at home because you didn't really like going out to work for countless hours, but sometimes it was nice to let loose.

Like at this club you were going to go to, which you were kind of nervous about.

Your mind gave you flashbacks of one night when you just turned twenty-one and went to a club with your friends, Hørizon was the name.

⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣

The sounds of booming music made it's way to your ears, your head pounding.

"Five shots of whiskey over here!"

"Um, I- I don't think I ca..." Too drunk, you couldn't even finish your sentence, as you wobbled a bit in your seat.

A minute later, a whiskey shot was in front of you — too drunk and tempted, you grabbed the small glass, gulping it down.

Delilah's friend, Tina, paid for the drinks.

The burning sensation in your throat didn't affect you much after the many shots you took before.

Your head turned to your best friend, Delilah, -which you had just met a few weeks ago at this time-, who was selecting the first contact in her phone to call, since she was a little too drunk to dial a number manually.

"Heeeeeyy, Fionaa, we're at a club." She slurred her words a bit, giggling. You could hear the faint voice from the phone.

"Oh my God, are you drunk?" Delilah only giggled in response, too drunk to make a coherent response. "Okay, I'm assuming you're at that one club you went to last week, right?" "Mmmhm!" "Are you with anyone else?" "Errr... like, my friends."

You could practically feel Delilah's friend pinch her nose. "How many?" "Uhhh... one... two... four..." She paused. "Fourth!" She said, giggling, adding a -th to the word she meant to say.

"Alright. You're lucky you're my... friend."

And then you blacked out, waking up at Delilah's apartment on the couch, others on the floor or sharing the couch with you.

You still remember that awful hangover you had afterwards.

⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣

You chuckled at the memory, stretching a bit. After finishing an essay for your boss, revising and editing it, you glanced at the clock, checking the time.

8:51 PM.

It was definitely past 8:30, but you weren't going until eleven.

You had time to pick out your outfit, relax, and do some housework if you wanted to -which you didn't want to-.

Standing up, leaving the chair you'd been glued to for almost two hours, you sighed, making your way to the closet.

You rummaged through it, and after a little, you found an outfit you liked.

Humming, you put it on your bed, along with your extra wallet (which had less money than your normal wallet, so when you went to the club, you wouldn't lose a bunch of money from being robbed or losing it) and some water to put in Delilah's car to sober up after the club.

You checked your phone before putting it on your charger.

Footsteps padded against the floor as you made your way to the couch to watch some of your favorite show, 'The Good Doctor'.

⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣

'Some' turned into almost three hours.

And now you had eleven minutes to get ready.

You rushed to the bathroom to do your makeup — not like anyone would see it, anyway. But you liked doing your makeup, not because you were insecure, but because you just liked trying new styles.

And you really liked eyeliner.

(Reference picture, I think it's Niki Nihachu, but I'm not sure.)

After you were done, you shoved the makeup into your container in the bathroom, hastily going to your room, fumbling with the clothing to put it on.

After about five minutes, you succeeded, and grabbed your phone from the charger, opening your messaging app up.

You

Hey, you ready?

Seen at 10:57 PM.

Lilah 💖

yep. i'm already headed there.

Seen at 10:57 PM.

You

Don't text while driving.

Seen at 10:57 PM.

And don't respond to this.

Seen at 10:58 PM.

You turned off your phone, putting it in your pocket, grabbing your stuff, your wallet shoved in your other pocket, two bottles of water in the other hand.

A few minutes later, your door opened to reveal your friend in a clubbing outfit, her curly black hair mostly laying on her right shoulder.

She had a see-through black top with another top under it, the same color.

Delilah had a black bag, the actual bag part laying on her right hip, the strap on her left shoulder.

She had a black skirt-shorts with a red and black plaid flannel tied around her waist.

The beautiful woman also had long, black, high heeled boots, going up to under her knees, but short enough to walk.

Her tattoos were slightly visible on the lower thighs.

(What I based her off of. Not sure who this is!)

"If I wasn't planning on making a move on that bartender — if she's there, I would try to date you, oh my God, you're gorgeous." Her lips formed a flirtatious, but platonic joke.

"Oh my gosh, you're definitely prettier, what the hell do you mean?" You smiled, winking.

"Alright, you've convinced me, I'm prettier." She said, shrugging her shoulders. You let out a playful pout, "Damn, I'm so broken."

"Whatever, you'll get over it. Let's go!" She smiled, tugging your arm, taking the water bottles and putting it in her bag so you could lock the door.

⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣

Soon, you both arrived at the fancy, famous club called LUX.

Excitedly, your friend, Delilah, got in line with you, figuratively jumping up and down with joy.

"Oh my God, you'll love it here, Y/n. All of the men, women, and enbys are definitely gonna hit on you, bae."

"Assuming I'd be confident enough to let them approach me."

She rolled her eyes, chuckling.

You both got closer and closer to the doors of the provocative strip club, you both paid your halves when you finally approached the doors.

Stepping into the building, you both smiled. 'This time, I won't drink as much.' You promised yourself.

Oh, how promises break.

Immediately, Delilah went to the bar — partly for the drinks, but mostly because she saw a particular bartender.

Giggling at the absurdity of her actions, you went to a couch, not drunk enough to have confidence to talk to people or dance — not that most of them would remember, considering how many had drinks in their hands.

You fiddled with a silver ring you had bought about a month ago, which laid on your index finger.

"Why, hello! I've never seen you here before! I would remember a face like yours." A velvet voice was heard, oddly close to you.

'Wait, are they talking to me?'

You whipped your head up, mouth parted a little.

There stood a tall, dark haired man with dark eyes, a black suit with a slightly visible white shirt under it, black, shiny shoes on his feet.

You swallowed. "Hello..."

You should've gotten drunk beforehand.

⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣⍣

Hello, everyone! I have no clue how drinking or hangovers work, or strip clubs, since I'm 18, but I hope it's not too far off. 🖤

Sorry it took so long to get to Lucifer, it's more of an introduction to some characters in this chapter.

Also, Delilah is bisexual, and goes by she/they.

The reader is possibly bi-curious, it depends on your view of the reader. <33

Delilah may have a lil' crush on Maze and just thinks Lucifer is hot, haha

[wickedbarnes]

Forbidden Fruit (Pt.5) | Keanu Reeves x Reader

Part 4

WARNING: Angst.

NOTE: I'm sorry if this doesn't have a "read more" thingy. If anyone is willing to teach me how to do it over mobile, I'd be very grateful! And I'm so sorry if this was quite short. There's more to come and more developments coming!

--

It had been days after that night. And nothing has been the same ever since. You could tell how Keanu was avoiding you with every chance he got. And although you felt guilty, you just couldn't help but feel frustrated and offended by how he was acting towards you.

Was it your fault that night happened? Maybe. You were attracted to the man after all. But you didn't initiate what had happened. And it wasn't your fault you caught him masturbating to you and moaning your fucking name.

But did you confront him about it? No, certainly not. How could you, anyway? You felt embarrassed and a tad bit disgusted with yourself for fucking your mother's boyfriend. And the way Keanu was avoiding you just didn't help your situation at all.

You felt as if he was thinking the same way about you. A girl with severe daddy issues.

The thought had left a bitter taste in your mouth and you couldn't help but push your plate away and drink a glass of water. Your Mom had noticed this and it was never like you to push your food away unless you felt really ill.

"Is there something wrong, Y/N?" Your Mom asked, eyeing the plate that was still filled with your favorite pesto pasta.

"The pesto wasn't really good." You could tell your Mom sensed the lie but you were thankful she didn't comment on it. The pesto tasted heavenly actually but you just couldn't bring yourself to eat. You had lost the appetite and it had been days since you last enjoyed your food.

It was Friday and your Mom had miraculously took the day out and decided to spend some time with you but unfortunately, Keanu couldn't join. Something about taking of something at Arch but you had a feeling that was some sort of half-assed excuse not to have lunch with you and your Mom fearing of the guilt that would creep up on the both of you.

Somehow, you had started to count the days before you went back home and you both dreaded and craved for it. Dreaded because it would be a while until you visited your Mom again and craved it just because you just wanted to get away from here and forget what had happened that night.

When you finally got home with your Mom after a day of eating outside and doing a little shopping spree, Keanu was already home and watching the television while sitting down on the couch. Your Mother had greeted him with a kiss but you just took it upon yourself to make your way up to your room and start editing the articles that were needed to be submitted for the next issue.

But as you ascended upstairs, you couldn't shake the feeling of being watched by a certain someone from downstairs.

Being a journalist had been a dream come true and although it was a serious job, you couldn't deny that you were passionate about it and took pride in your work. However, your silence was soon disrupted when your phone began to rang. Answering it, you put it on loud speaker while you occupied yourself into changing into some more comfortable clothing.

"Hello, Y/N?" The voice came through.

"Yes, this is she." You answered and took note of the familiar voice from your colleague and friend, Becca.

"Hey, baby, how's vacation with your Mom?" Eventful. You wanted to reply.

"It's uh... going great, yeah. How 'bout you, what's new? How's dear ol' work?" You asked as you changed into a pair of sleeping shorts and an oversized t-shirt that had quite the thin fabric and made your nipples poke right through it when you took your bra off.

"Chaotic. It's gone to shit when you took your leave. Anyways, I'm not here to guilt trip you I called to update you about the latest issue we need to make." You situated yourself on the bed and grabbed your phone from the nightstand as you tied your hair up in a bun.

"Okay, spill."

"Well, the Grand Prix motorcycle racing is coming up and a lot of people are being hyped about it. And I thought that for our issue, we should interview some successful CEOs of motorcycle companies and maybe share their story. Why they started the business and all that jazz. Maybe give us a tour to their humble abode."

"That's actually amazing, Becca. Did you have any companies in mind that could get us a head start?" You asked.

"Well, Malcolm's a huge motorcycle fan and he insisted we should try this company called Arch Motorcycle. I looked into it and they're fairly new. Started around 2011 and they make amazing motorcycles according to Mal."

Arch Motorcycle. That was Keanu's company.

--

You had just finished the phone call with Becca and you couldn't even wrap your head around the fact that you were possibly going to work with Keanu if your team was going to really push through with Arch. A huge part of you hoped not although you didn't doubt Keanu's professionalism, you just couldn't deal with the awkwardness between you two.

Sighing, you plugged your phone in your charger and decided to make your way downstairs to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. It was already quiet in the living room and you assumed everyone had went to bed but you were stand corrected when you walked into the kitchen and saw Keanu drinking a glass of water.

You both froze on your spot, neither of you not knowing what to say and you did your best to ignore how Keanu's eyes had flickered from your face to your breasts. You were sure he noticed how your nipples were deliciously poking through your shirt.

Maybe you should've covered up a little.

You gathered enough courage to walk inside and grabbed a glass as you made your way to the fridge and poured yourself some water before taking big gulps of it.

"Listen, Y/N, I--" Keanu begun but you cut him off the moment you put your glass down on the counter.

"Let's forget about it." You blurted out.

Keanu seemed take aback by what you said and almost looked as if he was confused by it either. But the realization slowly hit him until he found himself leaning against the countertop.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have walked in on you like that the other night. I should've just left you alone." You continued, making sure your voice was hushed and you looked behind you before looking up at you Keanu's unreadable expression on his features, "I promise no one has to know about this. Not even Mom. It won't be long 'till I come back home anyways so we can both forget what just happened."

There was a moment of silence between the two of you and it almost felt like you'd been standing there for over an hour. Clearing your throat, you were just about to walk away when you felt his hand wrap around your arm pulling you back against him. His dark eyes were looking down on you and you could've sworn they were a darker shade of brown this time, almost black.

"Forget? Why do you want to forget all of that, sweet girl?" He'd ask, his voice quite raspy as he traced your arm up and down with his finger and you hated how your body shivered at his touch.

Keanu couldn't stop the grin that made its way on his face upon seeing your reaction.

"So responsive, baby, that's what I like. Even the slightest of touch gets you so weak for me, huh?" You felt your cheeks heating up. No, this wasn't right. This isn't what you had in mind.

Shaking your head, you shook his hand off and you could see the hint of anger flash in Keanu's eyes and for a moment you almost wanted to apologize and show him how sorry you were but that wasn't the case right now.

"Keanu, what we did was a mistake. You're with my mom and I shouldn't have given into you like that." Your words made him freeze on the spot, letting his hand fall down to the side as you took a deep breath to gather your composure.

"What we did, it won't happen again and I'm sorry if I walked in on you like that I know I should've walked away the moment I saw you in there doing... well, you know." You let out a sigh and ran a hand through your hair, "But this isn't entirely my fault either. You shouldn't have been doing that while moaning my name and I--"

"How can you be so sure it was your name I was moaning?"

"I'm sorry?" You were taken aback by his words that you had to check if what you heard was right.

Keanu looked shocked by what he just said but quickly concealed it with a stoic expression.

"How can you be sure it was you I was fantasizing about? You didn't even ask. And you're not the only one who bears the name that you have now."

You blinked. And blinked. And blinked. You opened your mouth to say something and closed it again. Was Keanu really cheating on your Mom? Well, technically he did since he had the decency to fuck you. But... was he seeing someone else outside your Mom before you came into the picture?

You gathered your composure and took a step back. This man was unbelievable. And to think you approved of him having your Mother's heart.

"You're right. I shouldn't have. And I apologize for that. But like I said, what we did was a mistake and I highly regret all of it. But it seems that you have a bigger problem in your hands. I hope you sleep well tonight, Mr. Reeves. I know I wouldn't if I was in your place."

And with that, you left Keanu standing there dumbfounded in the kitchen as you made your way upstairs. You didn't intend to slam the door as hard as you could but you couldn't help it.

You felt embarrassed. Disgusted. Devastated and somehow betrayed in a way.

You felt used. And you were so naive and let your needs get in the way and now look where that got you. You felt devastated for your Mom because she had no idea of what was going on. She was oblivious to all of this and she doesn't deserve it.

The room along with everything else was suffocating you and you knew you couldn't stand here and spend another week in this house. Grabbing your suitcase, you stuffed your things inside and didn't even care if it was no longer neat. Once you were done, you took a deep breath and decided it was best if you just leave first thing in the morning.

You were too physically and mentally tired to drive back home. Flopping down on your bed, you draped your blanket over your body and let sleep take over. But you didn't miss how a lone tear had escaped from your eyes.

To hell with forbidden fruits, indeed.

--

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[lunam00na]

Top 5 mistakes I made when moving cross-country

So, I figured this would be a good enough introductory post as any. I'm going to start off with a little back story just to clue you in on how I came to make these mistakes, and hopefully you'll be more prepared than I was if and when you do the big move.

In 2018 I decided to move from a very rural town in the Eastern United States to Finland. Keep in mind I had lived in this same town my entire life; my graduating class was only a few hundred people, and I had NEVER flown on a plane before. Yeah.

Yikes.

Why move so far away, you ask? Oh, don't worry, I'm getting to that part. In December of 2017 I met a guy online, from this website I had been using off and on since middle school. He and I clicked instantly, and we both fell down the deep dark rabbit hole you call love. Yep. Twitterpated.

So a few months after we had been dating, we jumped the gun and decided I would fly there to meet him and if all went well, meaning I didn't get chopped up into little bits and sent back in a suitcase (as my friends and coworkers teased), we would get married.

Picture it, Sicily 19... Something rather... Small town girl from rural farming area meets Finnish city boy. Anyway, enough about that, it can be a blog for another time.

So there's how I came to make these mistakes...

1) FOOTWEAR

- Guys, I cannot stress to you enough how much this matters. I wore FLIPFLOPS throughout my ENTIRE journey to Finland. In total I believe I flew for around 18 hours.. Went through like 4 different airports. By the time I made it to my husband's apartment my feet were basically nonexistent. For a frequent flier this may not be an issue, but for someone who doesn't fly or travel often... For the love of God don't wear sandals.

2) LUGGAGE

- Travel lightly, but not too lightly. Originally before the move I had purchased a gigantic pink wheely suitcase from Walmart. Had full intention of stuffing that bad boy to the brim with clothes. But a couple days before my flight was leaving I realized if I had this huge suitcase I would have to check it on every single flight and drag it around through every airport, and risk it getting lost or tampered with during the process. So, I took the big pink monster back and heavily downgraded... To a backpack. Yup. Just your avaerage sized backpack with one or two zipper compartments. Needless to say I had to be very choosy with what I packed, so I packed some jeans, leggings, a few nice shirts and some undergarments. Along with my makeup bag, which had been thoroughly sorted through beforehand, and a hairbrush. Somehow throughout all this I had forgotten to pack my toothbrush, so my husband brought me one to the airport so I could brush my teeth as soon as I landed. LOL. Great first impression. Anywho - admist all the chaos and nerves I didn't take into account that I would probably be sweaty after all that walking.. Running... And panicking... Through the airports. So I didn't bring any shampoo or soap with me, and honestly probably wouldn't have had any room for any either because of my downgrade. After struggling to catch each flight I was a complete mess when I finally landed in Helsinki. My hair was greasy and I was sweaty and had changed into every single article of clothing that I had packed into that backpack. So if you want to make a good first impression on your potential spouse, do not be like me. Use a larger suitcase or backpack and pack your items more efficiently.

3) RESEARCH

- This one is fairly short and to the point. Do your research!!! Google the airports you will be using, the airlines, the countries you're passing through and their currencies! I did very little of this prior to flying and boy did I make a mistake. I was completely at a loss in each airport I visited. If it weren't for kind strangers and the airport staff I probably wouldn't have made it onto all my flights. I had 0 idea how airports worked. Google is your friend!

4) AIRPORT FOOD

- By now you all probably know I'm an idiot, so, I have no shame in telling you the rest at this point. If you can at all avoid it... Don't buy the food from the vendors inside the airport. Legitimately everything inside these airports are overpriced. I had very little emergency/travel money with me, so I tried to save as much as possible during my trip. Alas, I was hungry and weary from my journey so I decided to try some weird, over-priced, turkish food that I'd never before seen or heard of in my life... And some fancy ice cream... And some cool looking soda from some small convenience store... And a steak dinner from some restaurant from NY. I was stress eating, okay. Not to mention the fact that when I landed in Oslo my phone was dead and upon looking for a charging port I discovered that all the outlets were shaped differently. I had no clue that outlets were shaped differently in EU, so I had to go and spend like 20 euros on an adaptor for my charger. Refer to number 3(do your research).

5) DON'T ASSUME

- This is probably the most important one. Don't assume that everything is going to go smoothly or be easy. I assumed a lot of things about moving to Finland and I was wrong about most of those assumptions. I assumed once I was here it would be easy to find work and start studying. It wasnt. I am still searching for a job or a university to study at and it is now 2020. I assumed that I would be fine traveling for the first time by myself to a foreign country. I assumed that my then boyfriend and I would have the same connection in person that we did online - thankfully I was correct about that one. But it all could have gone so wrong. I could have missed my connecting flights or got stranded in NY or Oslo. I could have actually gotten chopped up into little bits and shipped back to the States in a suitcase, just like my coworkers and friends told me. But thankfully I didn't. All in all, I wouldn't change being here with my husband for anything. Despite how difficult and stressful... And exhausting my travels were to get here. Hopefully you won't make the same mistakes as I did when you decide to take your journey.

Thanks for having a look, will be posting more blogs soon! If you have any questions or suggestions for my next post, shoot me a PM. Would love to hear your suggestions.

Until next time, Lunam00na

[godlydevastation07]

I got out of work at 11:24 pm. We close at 9. I have pulled 3 doubles back to back after closing the day before the double run started. I work at a Mexican fast food ish restaurant. Literally everything from the very top of my neck down is in so much pain. Moving my arms makes meh wanna die and I keep fucking limping cause both my knees just wanna give out and my feet feel bruised two hell. I got out of morning shift 2 hours after I was supposed two be off even though my general manager(gm) helped meh do fucking chops cause one of my managers is a FUCKING ASSHOLE who ended up staying after my gm left and kept fucking being anal and telling meh two do shit that I'm way to fucking tired to do which fucked one of the night shift rushes cause we had a long ass to go and a fucking line that I would've been able to handle no problem if he didn't make meh LEAVE THE LINE TO DO SOMETHING THEY WERE FUCKING SUPPOSED TO (get water for line (they made meh use the blue bucket that I fucking hate with a passion) ((I have used that thing a total of 2 times the entire time I've worked here)) (((that is how much I hate it))) ) it took all of my fucking will power to keep my mouth shut and not fucking go off on them every damn time they told meh to do shit. I have gotten a total of 6 hours of sleep since Friday, I have barely eaten anything in the past 2 days cause I'm just to fucking tired to be hungry, all I ate today was 2 small tortillas and a tres whatever, (lil cake thing) and I literally forced myself to finish that cause I didn't wanna disappoint my datemate (they get concerned when I don't eat ((it's cute)) ). I'm already overwhelmed af cause of these fucking doubles and I'm supposed to be getting ready to move cause i sign the lease this week and I just know I'm gunna get fucked about shit that has two deal with that but I haven't had anytime to pack or prepare in any way because oF THESE FUCKING DOUBLES which is really stressing meh out so I've been fucking pissed all damn day, to the point that I snapped at a customer actually. They didn't hear meh but other people in line sure as hell did and if anyone makes a complaint about it and I get talked to I'm gunna lose my fucking shit. I have had no fucking physical contact with my datemate since Friday which really isn't helping (not talking about sexually, I mean in general, none at all ((well none that was affectionate)) (I did bop their shoulder at work Saturday) ((cause I needed some contact)) (but I couldn't get a hug or anything cause it was fucking work and I am a goddamn professional dammit) ((we haven't had the s*x either since, well, Wednesday morning)) (which kinda really sucks) ). Not to mention I fucking CLOSE TORTILLA TOMORROW AFTER REPEATEDLY TELLING EVERYONE THAT IM FUCKING DONE DOING THAT which my gm promised to help me with,even though they are supposed to help the new fucking army caller with taco/caller, so i know their help either won't fucking happen at all or if it does it's not gunna fucking do shit and the minute they ask meh if "I'm good" or "feel better" about the tortillas I'm just gunna say yes even though I never am when I fucking do that but I sure as hell isn't gunna make someone stay late af to help my ass do something I don't even wanna be doing when the only consequence of not making them stay is that I end up struggling, so I'm gunna get fucked anyways,no matter what and I know this. Which means I'm stressed about tomorrow to!!!! On top of everything else I gotta deal with!!!!!!! It's gunna be fucking hell. I already know it's gunna be one of the top 5 worst Tuesdays unless some satanic ass ritual happens and we end up dead slow. And you know that's not gunna fucking happen. Cause Taco Tuesday™, where everyone's and asshole and just wants their food. Even at the expense of making the staff cry!!!!!!! Yay me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm fucking crying rn and just realized that I left my phone charger at work.

[ears-like-eyes]

So the context behind this snap.

I have a ghost that's followed me since I was a kid, I know people who don't personally know me think I'm crazy, but those who do know me know I'm not bullshiting. Everyone from my family, to friends, to dorm roommate's, to house mates, to my partners know I have a ghost (and recently the lady working the till at the local ice cream shop...when my ghost decided to fling her garbage can half way across the room...she freaked out. I laughed and told her not to worry about it, he'll follow me home and won't bother her anymore.)

But anyway, I had to work the day this snap was made, and I pull up to the shed, start getting my stuff in order. First thing I noticed when I walked in, I could hear water running. So I went and checked the cooler we keep our tree stock in, sure enough, someone left the sprinkler system on. No big deal, it happens. I turned it off went back to getting myself together. I noticed the batteries and the battery charger for my weed eater weren't in the office. I looked around, and they were sitting in the front seat of the work truck. Okay. I also noticed the work truck had been moved. I PULLED the work truck into the shed, it was BACKED in when I got to work. So you know, I'm assuming boss must have sent one of the other crew members out yesterday. As I didn't work yesterday, but I did the day before. I was the one who put everything away and locked up.

I go about my day.

I worked a long day, I think when I got back to the shed, it was like past 10pm when I'll clocked out. I put everything away, parked the work truck into the shed, and went to the little office room and clocked out. Well, I usually like to just hangout in the office for 10-15 minutes after I clock out to check messages on my phone, browse the internet and just take a little seat to chill before I go home. So I'm sitting there, chilling on my phone. The only light I have on is the office light, the actual main part of the building everything is turned off. It's pitch black in there. 10 minutes goes by, I all the sudden hear a big *crashed* come from the main part of the building. It sounded like someone bumped into the wall we have all our brooms and shovels hung up on, and they knocked at least 3 shovels off the wall. I kinda just freeze, and then yell out "Hey? Anyone in there???" It's dead silent. At that point I'm just like, yup. I'm leaving. Fuck that. So. I got up, turned the office lights off, and locked up the shop.

I assumed my ghost was just being rambunctious. Anyway, so I'm just chilling in my personal vehicle next to the shop. I called my boss, gave her the run down of what I got done. Then I told her, "Yeah one of the kids you sent out yesterday left the cooler water running."

Boss paused, "I haven't had the kids working at all this week, it's just been you."

Me: "So, who took the work truck and used the weed wacker??? Everything was moved when I clocked in today, and I know I didn't leave the water running because I double checked to make sure I turned lights off before I left work the other day??"

Both boss and I were confused like, uh...no one worked yesterday. But it seems like someone did???

Which leads to my next thing. About 3 years ago, we had a drifter move into our tiny town. He was a pretty cool guy, just pitched a tent in the town park and was working a seasonal job. But, midway through our season our spare key for the shed went missing. You can laugh at us, because we literally did hide it under a rock by the door. Shut up. We learned our lesson. So only 3 keys existed. Mine, my boss's, and the spare that disappeared. After that spare disappeared, weird stuff start happening at the shed. I'd go to open up in the morning, and lights would be left on, or the cooler water would be left running, there would be empty beer cans left in the office. At one point, there was a random bike that would be regularly parked against the side of the building. It went on the rest of the season and we just assumed that the drifter was the one that was the culprit. I mean, he road a bike around town and our office has a bathroom, fridge, makeshift shower, ect. It would be the perfect place to squat tbh. We ended up changing locks, and all that stuff stopped happening.

But now weird stuff is happening again. So either, we have someone living in our tree shed, AGAIN. And someone was literally hiding in shed while I was just sitting there in the office on my phone none the wiser. OR my ghost was being a dick and someone on the crew actually did work yesterday and just never told boss or I/someone broke into the tree shed to use the work truck and weed wacker and water our trees for us?????

I am so confused. Either way. The options are down to "my ghost being a dick and throwing stuff" or "we have someone living in my place of work again..."

Why is my life like this?

[death-is-my-dishonor]

My mom's boyfriend is an abusive a-hole to us both and I'm not only hiding stuff for myself that helps me cope and/or just avoid being around him but I'm also hiding stuff for my mom. He doesn't go through my room now as far as I know, but he used to and even though he doesn't do it overtly anymore, he still tales any chance to look around when he's in here. Some things I've picked over the years:

Hiding stuff under pillows/mattresses is a good way to get it found in my experience, so I only did it with things I absolutely didn't mind being found/things that wouldn't get me in trouble.

Old stuffed animals/cloth based toys/layered blankets/pillows are bound to have holes, so cutting a small hole in them won't be suspicious especially if it has ruffles/fur type stuff on it to help hide it. I've personally stashed money, vape pens, phone chargers, and some other small things in the stuffing of stuffed animals and pillows. Blankets are a bit more risky because if they get washed and you forget to/can't take the stuff out, it can either be found or destroyed. I had this happen with a pair of headphones I wasn't supposed to have. Just make sure whatever you hide won't make noise when the item its hidden in is moved.

Phone cases are great places to hide money, just make sure it cant be seen. Most of the time in my experience people checking hour phone don't take the case off, just make sure the same goes for your situation. Obviously this won't work if you have a clear phone case tho so be careful. You can also hide notes/etc there that you need for a short amount of time.

When hiding things in bras, hide it inside the bra, not between the bra and your chest. I'm ftm and when I used to wear bras I would either cut a hole between the cloth and bra pad or purposely get bras with removable pads so I could use the precut holes to stash things. This goes both for while wearing them and while theyre in a drawer. Just make sure it cant be seen if someone looks through the drawer. Personally I used to save the pads from these kinds of bras when I threw them out and double them up in the ones i kept so hiding money was easier. It helps that I stopped wearing them so they just sit in my drawer and go unnoticed.

I have like four wallets and only two of them are known by the rest of the house. The others sit in the back of my closet under old stuff nobody looks at. They're both full of stuff I don't want found because getting to them is absolutely tedious hell.

If you're allowed picture frames, take the picture out and stash cash between the picture and the backing of the frame.

Places I hide food: pockets of old jackets, wrapped in bags under the main bag of my trash can (I have a small plastic trash can that nobody really goes through. He asks what's in it when I take it out to make sure I dont have soda cans or food wrappers but I'll get to how I deal with those later), inside a sealed plastic bowl behind a bunch of seemingly precarious but actually strategically stacked stuff in my closet.

Disposal of food/drink trash: most of the time I shove it to the bottom of my backpack and toss it out at school. Since that hasnt been an option recently, I crumble wrappers inside balls of paper when I throw paper trash away. I've gotten good at making convincing paper wads that hide a couple wrappers at a time. Cans are harder and I usually end up keeping them a bit longer because of this. I usually sneak them out to the outside trash can whenever I get the chance, or throw them away in the kitchen trash under other stuff when I'm home alone. I have also crushed them down while home alone and hidden them inside other trash to toss out.

If you're hiding coins, they make noise in pockets. Wrap them in something to keep them quiet when you get them into the house then put them somewhere safe. I do not like storing then with cash and instead keep them in various containers I know are inconspicuous and/or easily hidden.

This has been said before but I'll say it again, delete everything on your phone. If you can get a vault/hider app, get one. They look inconspicuous and are super useful for hiding apps and stuff you don't want found. I used to use a calculator one I can't remember the name of (its been about a year since I deleted it after no longer needing it) that was perfectly functional calculator until you input a specific code equation. I never used regular texting with anyone but my family (and the school Remind thing) because of this. I used discord and other social media to talk to friends because I could hide all of those apps. I also hid a lot of pictures here.

Stay safe and be careful!! Just because something works for some people foes not mean it works for everyone. Be vigilant and keep track of patterns and habits. Your biggest advantage is observation. Only you know what the specifics of your situation are and only can use that to judge what is and is not going to work. If you aren't sure, only try on a small scale first. When I take things on scared night be missed, I move them to a strange but plausible place first. Somewhere they wont likely be found but cant be claimed as "stolen" because its still in the main part of the apartment. Then I take the things when they've gone unnoticed there for what I consider long enough. My point is being careful and as safe as possible is the most important thing.

To those of you who had to hide stuff from your abusive parents in order to have anything… How did you do that?

Please reblog so other people can see.

Or maybe it’s not even in the past for you yet. I don’t have a lot of experience with this, so I don’t really have any tips. I know a lot of you deal with this, so if you could share any helpful ways to cope with this, I’m sure it would be really helpful!