#and I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation of what I post
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💕💚
#so. Rambling on this my 28th birthday#I think I might have some kind of hormonal/mood imbalance#maybe. I think that could be likely#and I also think I have very fast emotional cycles#so I work through things quickly#and so I’m in kind of a pattern right now where I post in utter anguish#and the anguish is REAL and I am by no means faking it#but then it resolves. Not even the thing that causes the anguish but the feeling itself#and I just feel better and then I move on#and I am trying to get somewhat of a handle on what exactly it is#and I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation of what I post#but I guess also I would like to#and I think—as I type this out—that what’s happening to me right now#is TWO things#and one of those things is the very real very new pains of adulthood and life#that are hitting me like a shock to the system#but then ALSO some old emotional echoes that need to be purged from my psyche#that are not in fact how I want to deal with things or react to things#but which flare up in response to triggers#and cause anguish so bad it is literally physical#and I would love to be able to distinguish between the two#because there IS much that is hard and scary and painful and confusing in my personal life right now#and also there are simply old wounds and fears at play that I would like very much to set down#and allow myself to change. In response to which I would like to choose a new way of thinking!!!!#a truer and different attitude!#and yeah. it’s so hard. It’s SO HARD. It’s SO HARD TO ACCEPT THAT IT’s BOTH and it just AHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHJJ#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway thank you for listening and for seeing and for taking the cries of anguish posts#I guess I just wanted a follow-up of some kind#because sometimes I feel insane and I feel like I LOOK insane#and it’s awful
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whether or not people have a reason to not like argentina, the fans are still going to be upset. whatever reason someone has (ex: they don’t like x player, the racism from their fans, the country’s history, etc.) it’s going to trigger their fans. whether someone just simply doesn’t like the team, that’s an issue too. and then the fans wonder why people don’t like the team or them (the fans) like you guys get triggered regardless
and then (on this hellsite), you jump into people’s inbox (anonymously btw) and write a thesis to someone who doesn’t like the team or the “dios” of the team. just leave people alone
#take this post how you want#please don’t play captain save a team in my inbox. because i don’t care#im not doing that again with you guys#and im not speaking from my experience im seeing it on other blogs as well#idk if it’s just me but i don’t think i’ve seen a fanbase care sm about why people don’t like their (national) team#again it’s probably just me but i just don’t…#like i mentioned before if someone doesn’t like the usmnt on here i simply. scroll past whatever post they make#if i did end up being that type of fan it’s because ppl were talking shit about some of the players (like weston)#and even w that i sometimes just mind my business#bc with christian. i KNOW there are a lot of people don’t like him and i completely understand why#im not going bend backwards making posts and sending anonymous messages to ppl in defense of him#that man doesn’t know me wtf#ANYWAYS. at the end of the day just leave people alone#if someone doesn’t like your team for whatever reason just leave them alone#i can get if people are like straight lying on the team or country but in this case…#like unless there’s a statistic saying that they are the most hated national team then im not understanding the reasoning for the questions#also we don’t need to pull the um… what about x country like okay we get it#and honestly no one owes anyone an explanation as to why they support one team over the other#im just tired of seeing people being questioned about this like.#leave people alone#this is the last thing imma say about this hopefully i don’t see someone on here getting bugged about this#but this pretty much is my overall…. opinion on this discussion#again. MY OPINION
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I feel like this is probably an unpopular opinion (that’s why I’m posting here and not on twitter) but I just wanna know if anyone else feels this way.
Obviously, I think Wilbur is the one Shelby is talking about, and as someone who was also abused, I feel stronger hearing her story. I hope she’s able to find peace soon.
Maybe I’m just an overly optimistic person, but I think Wilbur needs help. A lot of it. And I think, probably not a popular idea, that even though he’s a piece of shit in this situation, that he deserves it.
I’m an overly trusting person by nature. Obviously I wasn’t there when any of this happened. I am just a stranger on the internet. I don’t know what went on, I didn’t see anything happen. However, I think I want Wilbur to get better and I think he can.
He needs to be deplatformed. At least until he has PUBLICLY apologized to Shelby, and is showing to his friends (not us, the audience, not only Shelby, EVERYONE HE KNOWS PERSONALLY) that he is making an effort to never treat another person like that again. But I think, and please don’t come with your pitchforks for me, the person Wilbur abuses the most is himself.
He clearly has other problems that are not making him a good person. Mental health is not a excuse for poor behavior. However, it is an explanation. Your mental health issues and trauma are not your fault, however, managing both those things are unfortunately YOUR responsibility. They are HIS Responsibility to fix and manage, not Shelby’s, not Phil’s, not James, NO ONE BUT HIM.
Call me stupid, or crazy, or whatever, but I firmly believe in the idea of (almost) every human being capable of change. I have siblings who used to treat me terribly, who are much older than me, and I was hurt by them. But as I grew, I saw them realize just how terrible they treated me. They changed their behavior, and apologized to me many many times. They showed me people can wake up and change their lives around. And, whether or not Wilbur comes back to content creation, I hope he gets the help he so clearly needs.
Shelby owes him nothing. His fan base owes him nothing. His friends owe him nothing. Wilbur owes them everything. Shelby deserves to hold back her forgiveness when it so clearly isn’t deserved. She should never forgive him if she doesn’t want to. That’s her right.
Maybe I believe in people too much. But I truly hope he changes. Not only for his friends, family, and loved ones, but for his own sake. He’s going to end up dead if he continues this way, and I believe no one deserves to die. (I’m not even for the death penalty. Let them sit and suffer forever).
Anyway, get some rest all, drink some water, and remember that the world becoming a better place starts with you. Treat people the way you wanna be treated. 💕
Update: Wilbur’s response was absolutely awful, no surprise there. As someone else who responded said, abusers often don’t think of themselves as such. I still hope he gets help. Props to ranboo and all the others standing up to him. I hope this wakes him the fuck up. Until further notice, please stop supporting him. Unfollow him, un add his music, whatever you can to get him to deeply regret this shit he’s done. Those were his actions. These are the consequences.
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A couple questions for you!
1. Do you think Nic saw/ was made aware of her lock screen being found and analyzed?
2. Was her insta stories post planned or random?
3. Do you think she’ll have to change her current strategy in dealing with all of this?
Personally, I think the longer she stays quiet the more certain people are going to try and invade her privacy in search of “evidence” and “proof”
Hey anon.
1. She is probably aware of this. I have to amend this whole section because I literally can’t find the screenshot I saw anywhere in the HB post. But we know they lurk on Twitter and it exploded there before anywhere else. It’s unfortunate but we they see these things probably regularly and if they don’t, I imagine they’re told so they know what’s being said.
2. The insta post of her old picture afterward? Idk. I’m on the fence with that tbh. With Luke’s old photo shoot pic shared out the next day I would think there’s possibly a connection to be made or it could just be random. A memory that popped up and the photog decided to share.
3. I think there might need to be some changes but ultimately, at some point, something has to give. Continued silence is fueling the fire but if she speaks will that make it worse? She also might not be willing to speak because she doesn’t owe anyone an explanation when fans are making things up on their own. This seems like a difficult situation from an outsiders perspective.
Time will tell when the plan is so right now all we can do is continue to support her and the both of them while the rest continue with the narrative.
The truth always comes out at some point, one way or the other.
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hi babies,
i love interacting with ya’ll and i love that some of you just love being here with me and that this has become part of your daily routine 💖
recently, with all of “good” .. there’s starting to now be lots of “bad”. my inbox has always only had positive things, but people are starting to feel comfortable with being rude and demanding (and not in a cute playful way). some of you are getting upset because i don’t answer your asks. some of you are telling me to get offline and “touch a woman” which is hilarious imo because you literally don’t know my life dude. i dont owe anyone an explanation. i just love being a safe space for people and that’s what this blog has been.
i’ve always wanted this space to be a safe space for everyone.. including myself.. especially myself because it’s my blog.. but it’s starting to not feel that way and so things need to change.
i apologize if i haven’t given you attention or have made you feel unwanted in any way. i wish you understood that i have to pick and choose what to reply to because people are now literally just sending random stuff that i don’t know how to answer??
i do not tolerate hate or negativity towards anyone!! ever ever and that includes myself AGAIN. i know my self worth and my limits.
i’m thinking i’ll just go back to limiting my answers to asks and mainly posting my writing since that’s the whole reason everyone is here (including myself).
i love my babies so much. thank you for being here 💖
okay rant over.
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hey guys did u miss me :3 i am most likely back !!! i feel like i owe everyone an actual explanation what happened that i disappeared for a moment;
first, i was really sick and couldn’t really do a thing, and if i had the energy, i had no motivation, then i got 100$ stollen from me so i basically had a really low episode. sorry for the inactivity, i was sick for almost three weeks & had to go to doctors multiple times. there was more, but i don’t want to dump it all here, since it’s literally a fic post and those things are private so um!! yk.
either way, here comes the actual post, and then i’ll actually get to my rqs so no worries, i’m not missing anyone out! i might be just a biiiiit rusty. just a bit. i lowkey hate this i think
leon x fem!reader, of course it’s a smut, soft soft soft, soft dom!leon, lovelovelovelove, leon letting you try to ride him basically
the last thing Leon likes is being vulnerable. well, one of the last things. he hates being seen as weak, emotional. he’s the strong person of the relationship, he can’t show his emotions right? he’s so deep into that headspace that it was almost impossible to pull him out. he always found an excuse to not let you take care of him.
you would try and suggest taking control in bed, and he always found a way to make you stop thinking about it. it’s not that Leon doesn’t trust you. he trusts his darling more than anyone else, even himself sometimes, but letting someone take control over him just.. sounds weird. to him. he’s also nervous about lying back down and letting you do the job. what if you won’t like it or something? he doesn’t want to mess up. it’s just that Leon doesn’t know what to do when he’s not taking care of someone or when he’s not being ordered around.
when he finally agreed though, he still kept his hands on your hips. not bruising, but it’s still there, large hands holding onto your hips, controlling the pace. he’s not ready to let go fully, he has to hold onto even the slightest bit of control. it brings him a peace of mind in its own way.
but you also bring a peace of mind to him, and he finds himself letting go, even if a little. the feeling of your walls surrounding his length is enough to make him go stupid. Leon has always been quick to grow pussydrunk on you. every time you squeeze around him, he thinks he might bust a nut right there at this moment. the fact you’re so beautiful doesn’t help either; he finds himself losing in the sight of you all the time, his eyes blown out, that stormy blue of his almost nonexistent with his pupils wide.
“Goddamn, your grip on me isn’t fair…” he half whines half grunts it out — it’s true, though. you don’t even have to do anything and he’s already on his knees if you need him to. only for you though — there’s no way anyone else would ever have this type of grip on him. you’re squeezing him so damn hard, he’s losing his mind. he can’t help himself — he agreed to you taking control but he finds himself thrusting his hips up, taking over the pace because your pussy just feels too good.
when you stop moving your hips, he whines. he was feeling so good, but you took it away! looking at you with blown out eyes, he pouts his lips, only for you to remind him he’s supposed to let go. he knows you want him to relax and let you take control— but he just can’t, not fully. still, he tries.
his hands hold onto the fat of your hips, lifting your hips up and down, making you bounce on him, his heavy balls slapping against your ass and making loud clapping noises echoing through the room.
“Fuckkk, your pussy’s so damn good.. can’t hold back when you’re gripping me so fucking hard, feels ‘s warm,” your slick leaks down onto his pelvis, both of your juices mixing into a mess, your sweat mingling with his. one of his hand trails up, pulling you down to wrap his lips around your breast, suckling on it as if you were about to start leaking milk. you tug on his hair, clenching around his fat cock which causes him to groan around your nipple, resulting in you arching your back. he pulls away just a bit to attach his lips to your neck, a faint grin forming on his lips every time you react to his touch. he got you too dumb on his cock for you to keep reminding him that it’s his turn to be lying down and just taking it, just as pussydrunk he is on you, and he’s planning to use it. he still keeps you on top of him but he’s thrusting in and out of you so fast you can’t quite catch up, his pillowy lips all over you making you feel dizzy. you can feel his cock starting to throb and him getting just a tiny bit bigger. he’s relentlessly hitting your sweet spot which has you mewling for him, just the way he loves. it doesn’t take long before you cream all over his thick length, your toes curling and walls pulsing with every heartbeat of yours. soon enough, Leon follows suit, thick cum bursting out into deep your guts.
when both of you cool off from the peak, you grumble about how it was supposed to be him being the submissive one for once, but he just laughs it off with a kiss on your nose before speaking with that grin of his,
“Maybe one day, sweetheart. Gotta work up for it.”
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Telling you this in the kindest, most well-meaning way:
So, the tumblr search function is wack. Always has been. It’s different on blogs than it is in the website-wide search. In the site-wide search, only the first 5 tags on a post are referenced. So for example, on a piece of art depicting 6 characters, tagging it as
#sourcematerial, #character1, #character2, #character3, #character4, #character5, #character6, #my art
…means that searching for “character5,” “character6” and “my art” in the site-wide search will not show that post, even though those tags are included on it. Because only the first 5 tags are searchable in the site-wide search. (On your own blog, it’s a little different. But that’s another discussion.)
I’m telling you this because it means that tagging multiple variations of a character’s name (for example, Gaster) beyond the first 5 tags will not get your post seen any more than not adding extra tags would. You are, of course, more than welcome to do whatever you want!! This is your blog and you are free to do as you like. If that is simply how you organize your own blog, that is your business! However, it seems a lot of extra work to write out so many variations of one character, when doing so will not return any increase in likes, reblogs, etc.
Please feel free to disregard this! I don’t mean to tell you what to do, in any capacity. You can tag as much as you like, for whatever reason. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. But I have noticed recently that many people do not know this about the tagging and search functions, and so if you were not aware, I thought I would say something in case it saves you some trouble or discouragement.
In any case, I hope you have a pleasant day!
Honestly, did not know this !! I appreciate the heads up !
I do do it mostly out of organizational compulsion, but also thought it would broaden it's field of veiwage.
I would like my art to be seen, so I will be adjusting how I tag.
Thank you again for letting me know !!! I also hope you have a lovely day !!!
#prince speaks#askys#anonymous#the wall of text made me nervous at first but i deeply appreciate it#as someone whos trying to like. get out there i wanna give myself the best shot possible if that makes sense
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A Blight By Any Other Name
I posted a preview for this awhile ago but I've been busy and whatver so here it is! It's a slight AU I guess but I'm mostly here for vibes not for explanations. If you see any errors no you didn't!
----
“Willow please!”
“Amity, I don’t know, it’s risky isn’t it?”
“There’s no way anyone would ever find out!”
“If that’s true then why don’t you just skip it or send an illusion?”
“I just need it to go well enough so my mom will stop bugging me and I’ll never have to do it again,” said Amity. “I’m just no good at these kinds of things and I’m worried I’ll mess it up so much that she’ll make me try again or send me to courtesy lessons with the twins.”
It was the envy of every parent who hoped to gloat about their child. Once a week for a month, the head of the Emperor’s coven would see a hopeful recruit and mentor them. It was a chance to impress them as well as learn from them. There were months that went by with no worthy adversary appearing as you needed to be the best, the boldest and the brightest.
Being rich didn’t hurt your chances either.
“Why is your mom sending you anyway? Why can’t she send one of the twins?”
“She knows they won’t take it seriously,” Amity groaned. “She wants to make a good impression and she thinks it’ll help my chances of getting into the Emperor’s Coven. But all my antidotes were formed around impressing Miss Lillith, I don’t have time to research the charm the golden guard prefers.”
“And I do?”
“You’re just naturally likeable!” Amity declared. “It will give me time to prepare. Just pretend to be me and make me seem calm and friendly.”
“And what happens if he doesn’t like me or asks me something only you could ever answer?”
“The first visit is always a tour of the grounds, which I’ve studied enough to know anyway,” said Amity. “Just nod and smile and it will be fine! I just… I can’t…”
Willow saw through her instantly. “You have plans with Luz tonight, don’t you?”
“What? No, n-not like ‘official’ plans or anything like that but she mentioned she was doing something and it seemed intentional and so I thought maybe we would-.”
“It’s okay Amy, I get it,” said Willow with a smile. She was adjusting to having Amity back in her life and whatever was happening between her newest and oldest friend might not have been her favorite thing at first but it was growing on her. And who was she to stand between two dorks with crushes? “I’ll go for you.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” she said.
“Perfect! I’ll grab the concealment stone for you!” Said Amity as she wrapped her friend in a hug. “Oh, thank you Willow! I owe you big time!”
“Yeah I know,” said Willow with a sigh as she returned the hug. “I know.”
———
The plan was simple: Willow would take a concealment stone and go to the meeting as Amity and secure a good first impression. According to Amity’s research, she probably wouldn’t even need to talk (Willow didn’t know if that meant ‘have the opportunity to’ or ‘be allowed to’ but was too nervous to ask) and by the time they had walked the grounds, the appointment would be over. She had endured worse.
The Golden Guard greeted her at the gate, if you could call it that. He didn’t technically say hello or ask how or who she was or offer any information about himself. He just gave her a nod and told her to follow him.He spoke only when necessary, and when he did his tone was harsh and condescending. Willow couldn’t help but feel it felt forced. He gave instructions as though it came as naturally as breathing, sounding as though he was both tired and proud of showing her around. She walked three steps behind him, just as he told her to, and nodded and showed faint signs of understanding, just as Amity had told her. It was plain and awkward and everything Amity had said it would be.
The first visit was meant to be nothing more than a mostly silent and distant tour of the grounds,but once they got to the garden, Willow couldn’t help herself.
“Woah! Is that a Phantom orchid?!” She exclaimed, trailing back to get a closer look.
“Hmm? Oh yeah it is,” he said, stopping to allow her to observe. Usually when someone interrupted him, it was a coven head telling him to shut up or mocking him or dismissing the fact he was speaking at all. But this girl wasn’t ignoring him, she was including him in her excitement, so he allowed himself to allow it.
“And it’s blooming already?” she continued, getting as close as she could. “How did that happen? The full moon isn’t for a few more days!”
“Oh, well Terra figured out that if you add moon dust to the water it will naturally convert the sunlight into the needed chemical to bloom.”
“The water, of course!” Willow said, laughing as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Why didn’t I think of that? It helps the pigment coloration too! Ah! It’s so pretty! Look at the lateral sepal and the dorsal sepal! They’re much bigger than average, it must be cross pollinated to have a wide enough stem to support that.”
He watched as she continued to chatter about the details of the flower, seeing things within things and connecting it to flowers in her own garden. She was vibrant and excited and loud, uncaring if she got dirt stains on her uniform as she got closer to the plant. It was extremely unprofessional.
“You know a surprising amount about plants for someone on the abomination track.” He observed as he knelt down beside her.
“Well, between you and me I’m not really the best at abominations.” Willow replied without really thinking, too enamored by the details of the flower before her to monitor her filter.
“Oh, well that was surprisingly… honest.” He marveled.
Oh shoot, Amity probably didn’t want a rumor that she didn’t excel at the abomination track getting back to the Emperor.
“I-I just mean you know in all my studies I-I have sooo many studies!” Willow sputtered. “When I said ‘I’m not the best’ I mean more like uh… like uh…”
“Oh, no I didn’t mean anything by it! No, it’s just that… in other afternoon arrangements I’ve had they always try to talk themselves up, they’d never admit to not doing well at something.” He cleared his throat, uncertain why he cared about offering her peace of mind in her confession.”It’s… refreshing. I feel like you’re the first person I’m actually getting to know.”
Willow smiled. “Well alright then, your turn,” she said, standing back up brushing the lingering dirt off her knees. “Tell me something you don’t like.”
“Wild witches,” he responded instantly, low and dramatic.
“O-kay,” Willow said nervously. “Maaaybe switch gears then, what’s something you like?”
“Catching wild witches.”
“No,” she giggled, shaking her head. “That’s your job, but what’s something you do that’s just for you? Like, a hobby or something you do for fun?”
“I like… to read?” He said after a moment, too embarrassed to tell her he had no time for fun. None of the questions he had gotten had ever been so… genuine.
“Okay, that’s a start,” she said with a smile. “What do you like to read about?”
He went to answer and she quickly cut him off to say: “And don’t say ‘about how to catch wild witches.’”
“Fine,” he said, cracking a smile she could hear. “I like… reading books about adventures, and history, and the human realm.”
“Ooh, my best friend is a big fan of the human realm,” said Willow enthusiastically. She decided it was best to not mention Luz, lest his line of questions shift back to the wild witch she was known to be staying with. “We found a book about human gardening at the market once and the lack of carnivorous plants over there is very surprising.”
“Yes! Exactly, okay I’ve said that exact thing before!” He replied excitedly, elated to hear his thoughts echoed. “I think it’s because the rain doesn’t boil over there and it makes their foliage more docile.”
“Oh yeah! That’s a good point!” Willow said as their excitement connected.
“And not to mention the psshahshshlssh.”
“Oh sorry, I didn't catch that.”
“I was just saying how the flowers here aren’t as deedsmdnns.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Willow asked again, his sentiment lost behind his mask.
“Oh sorry, here lemme just-.” He realized the issue and went to swiftly remove the mask, and when he did Willow couldn’t hear a word he said, only her own thoughts echoing behind her wide eyes.
Oh boy.
He really was just a boy.
And boy he was-
“Hot,” voiced Willow without thinking.
“I’m sorry, what was that?” He asked, moving his hand through his hair, letting a lock spin in front of his face as the rest aired out like a soft halo.
“Er I just mean it must get really hot under that mask,” Willow recovered, the guard none the wiser.
“Um yeah sometimes I guess,” his voice clear and unmuffled making him seem more real somehow. “It’s just for protection and authority and whatever,” he said with a shrug, as though he was explaining why he wore any other mundane accessory. “My uncle requires that I wear it most of the time.”
“It’s a shame cause you really do have a nice face.”
“Oh uh thank you?” He said, averting his gaze to the ground. If anyone else had said it, he’d roll his eyes knowing it was sarcasm or was about to be followed by some nasty comment. But when this girl said it, he somehow knew it was sincere. He dared to hope she wasn’t just saying it to be polite.
He wanted to tell her she did too.
But instead he asked:
“What other flowers do you have in your garden?”
——
He let her talk about plants for hours.
Her friends loved hearing her talk about them, of course, but there was something different about the way the guard listened. He hung on her words like she had invented them, but his contribution proved that he was just as well versed in certain aspects as she was. The tiny, mundane details that often caused other people to get lost were equally beloved by the pair. He just loved knowing things Willow quickly learned, and when she said something he hadn’t known before he treated it like it was a revelation and looked for a way to take notes. And when he talked, oh Titan, there was such a fire in his eyes. Willow loved how he talked with his hands as though he was laying out illustrations that only they could see, even more enchanting than an illusion. When he had been talking longer than he was usually able to, he apologized but Willow insisted he continue.
They had hardly realized any time had passed until they heard Darius call for him, and Willow pulled out her scroll to check the time. They had gone way over the allotted hour.
“Wow, time really flies I guess,” Willow chuckled, hoping she hadn’t kept him from anything important.
“Yeah,” the guard said, unable to hide the tone of disappointment in his voice as he tried to keep it hidden from his face. He put his mask back on. “I’ll uh, walk you out then.”
When they arrived at the gate, a familiar silence danced between them. But this time it fought, as though being crushed by all the things they had not gotten to yet. She turned on her heel and bashfully offered him her hand, trying to safe face (or, rather, Amity’s face).
“Well, it was very nice to meet you-.”
“Hunter,” he said quickly, as though he was unsure it was proper to say.
“What?”
“That’s my name, Hunter,” he said. “You can call me that, if you like. It’s a bit less formal.”
“Is that what all your friends call you?”
“I guess? They would if I did, I mean. Have friends, that is.”
“Well then I’d be happy to call you Hunter,” said Willow. “And you can call me…” Woah, she had almost let it slip. She technically hasn’t introduced herself, she hadn't needed to, but she wanted to return the favor. But in what world was Willow a nickname for Amity? “Clover.”
“Clover?”
“Yeah it’s uh a nickname,” she said with a nervous laugh. “Everyone calls me that.”
“Oh, like a lucky clover.”
“Exactly,” she said in an airy voice she had never used but he had inspired her twice in one afternoon. She’d think of a believable explanation to give Amity later.
“Well I felt very lucky to meet you,” he said bashfully, feeling as though he was trying to add something more within the compliment. He could tell she sensed it as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He felt a little stupid but somehow not in a bad way?
“Me too,” she said softly. “I had fun.”
“Surprisingly I also really enjoyed myself,” he admitted in disbelief. “You’re very nice company, Ms. Blight.”
“You know, you’re not so bad yourself,” she said with a smile. That’s something Amity would say, right? She couldn’t place exactly when the shift had happened but at some point she had forgotten she was supposed to be pretending to tolerate him as she found herself genuinely enjoying herself.
He cleared his throat, kicking at the dirt as he fought against shyness. “Would you want to do this again? I mean, sooner than the weekly arrangement, that is.” He made sure to clarify. “I can plan something outside the castle, maybe show you where Terra has some of her rarer species.”
“Oh, I-I l’d really like that actually,” Willow couldn’t help but say. But that would complicate things even more in many ways. She was supposed to be getting Amity out of this and yet she was committing to more time with him. Plus how could she justify Amity being in two places at once?
“It’s just… I’m…” but she could hardly say that was the reason so what reason could she give that wouldn’t leave him hurt or suspicious?
He sensed her hesitation. “Oh yeah I mean you’re probably busy, I’m probably busy too anyway.”
“Yeah, and I know how strict your uncle can be and well you know how my mom is.”
“Yeah, I… sure do,” he said in a way that only someone who knew Odalia Blight but didn’t want to possibly offend her daughter would. “So, is that why you dyed your hair? I heard she prefers it all green like hers.”
“Oh yeah,” she chuckled, knowing Amity’s most comfortable level of rebellion was letting her roots show.
“I mean, I think it would be lovely on you,” said Hunter shyly. “Green suits you; especially the green of your eyes.”
“Green of my-.” Amity’s eyes were brown and not a brown that would be mistaken for green even in a dim light.
“And I also think they look lovely with the gold frame of your glasses,” Hunter quickly added, dipping his toes into a more detailed compliment. “Your whole face really is uh… very pleasant. Nothing like Odalia. Not that I’m calling your mother ugly! That’s no, I just meant because I know how you feel about her that I can see you as your own person and that you have features that are unique and that look very…”
As Hunter continued to ramble, Willow caught sight of herself in the reflection of a window. She wore the abomination uniform but it was not Amity’s face that looked back at her now. Her eyes darted to her neck and widened when they saw she had forgotten the concealment stone.
Her face, her body, her voice had been hers from the beginning. The only thing Hunter didn’t know about her was her name.
“… I guess what I’m trying to say is you’re very beautiful and I enjoy spending time with you,” he managed to get to the point, his tone indicating he realized it as he was saying it. “Not that I wouldn’t if you weren’t but I guess…” he trailed off again and sighed as Willow’s heart caught up to her mind realizing his words were truly for her, as her.
“You’re just… not what I was expecting,” said Hunter. “And I’m sorry if I didn’t give you the best first impression.”
Her throat felt tight. She hadn’t intended to trick him, not like this. For some reason doing it in her own skin made the lie more hurtful. As spot on as her Amity impression could be, she hadn’t wanted to do the wrong thing and so stuck to what she knew. He just made it easy for her to be herself. He laughed at her jokes and listened to her and looked at her so softly and so attentively and so…and for him to say such nice things… it felt odd but she desperately wanted him to know everything but her name.
“Well, in my opinion first impressions aren’t always all they’re cracked up to be,” she said. “But I’m really looking forward to seeing you again.”
——-
“Amity please,” Willow said, her voice determined to let her know this was not a request to be taken lightly. “In all the years I’ve known you, can you honestly say there was even a single time that I was not a good friend to you?”
“No,” Amity could not even pretend to search for ammo. “But why do you want to go back so badly? Was it the garden?”
“Well, it’s not just the garden,” Willow admitted sheepishly. “The Golden Guard isn’t as scary as everyone makes him out to be, ya know? We had a really good time and I just wanna see him again.”
“Really?” Amity asked with a raise of her eyebrow. When she arrived to download with Willow, she had expected to have much to apologize and make up for. She would never have guessed that her friend would want to take her place again. “Are you sure there’s not something else going on?”
“Well I also maaaaay have forgotten to wear the concealment stone so he thinks you look like me,” Willow added quickly as though it was a minor setback.
“Willow!”
“It’ll be okay though! I’ll think of something to fix it! I’ll make sure you still get credit or ya know maybe we can convince him there’s two girls with the same name and it was like some kind of mix up.”
“You really think that’ll work?”
“No he’s really smart,” Willow admitted, both in awe and disappointment of the truth. “But not just about coven stuff, he knows so many little random facts. We just talked for hours about plants and books and stuff but it felt like only minutes had gone by.”
“I know how that feels,” said Amity, a blush creeping into her face as she remembered her heart flipping when she and Luz had first discussed Azura and all the tangents they went on. How everything flowed so easy, like they were in a bubble.
Amity knew what everyone said about the Golden Guard, that he was cold and strict and stuck up. Whispers in the hallways had said the same thing about her, but she knew why. Maybe he needed a friend like Willow for his true colors to show. “Let me know if I can do anything to help.”
—-
So she went back the following week and when she entered the gates it was like they picked up right where they left off. Amity had sent her with an itinerary and talking points but all business left her mind when he entered her view. She saw the tenseness leave his shoulders and his stance become relaxed when she smiled at him. Now that she knew he was seeing her, her heart couldn’t help but flutter a little bit.
“You came back,” he said, unable to hide the fact that he was slightly stunned.
“I did,” she replied. “Is that… okay?”
“Yes, yes of course,” he said. “I’m just… not used to having people happy to see me who know me.”
“Well then, they must know you very well then, huh?”
There was hardly a moment of silence between them. Years of not being able to speak freely if anything frivolous poured out of him once she entered his sights. He collected jokes and anecdotes like inventory, counting the minutes until she was back at the gate greeting him with a wide smile no one else had ever held for him. He had considered that their unlikely connection was part of a strategy, but the more she shared about herself quickly put that theory to rest. She didn’t have enough intel on him for blackmail and didn’t do enough to talk herself up to make him feel she was aiming for favoritism. It was almost like she didn’t care about the coven at all, she treated it like an afterthought when it came up. Their shared obligation had brought them together but what kept them coming back together was more than Hunter fully understood. He just knew that once a week he could breathe.
There were some close calls (like referring to herself as an only child once) but luckily Willow knew Amity well enough that she could quickly recover any slip ups.It actually made it easier for her to visit on the days they weren’t technically meant to. Amity was a known sucker for extra credit, so of course she’d insist on more time with the coven head who was meant to be mentoring her. Though she did not say much when their time consisted of less mentoring and more of overly competitive games of capture the flag and listing fun facts at each other.
He asked her why she was on the abomination track when she so clearly was suited for the plant track and she said her father thought it was best for her, which was both in character and not a lie.
When they would get off on a tangent that he could not relate to official coven business, she smoothed it out by claiming the fact that they were meeting under the arrangement of her mother and the emperor made whatever they ended up doing official coven business. So he enjoyed her company without guilt, which allowed him to feel the new, confusing nerves all the more.
Despite the purpose of the arrangement being to help see if she would be a worthy addition to the coven, she never once asked about it. She asked about him plenty, but it was almost as though she had forgotten she was there on business.
---
A few weeks into the arrangement, Hunter was pacing at the gate waiting for his guest. It wasn’t like her to be late, in fact she usually came early so they’d have more time together. Every other candidate had reached a point when they stopped coming back, his drills were too much or his voice too annoying, or sometimes they neglected to give a reason all together. Granted this round had been different, he couldn’t deny he hadn’t been following usual protocol or checklist, but he felt that they both believed it was different in the best way. He had never been nervous like this before, he was nervous every day they were to meet. But it was a good nervous, he didn’t know how else to explain it.
His heart leapt when he finally saw her land on her palisman. He straightened his spine and ran his hand through his hair as she walked to the gate, lacking her usual pep.
“Hi, sorry I’m late,” Willow said forlorn, trudging in.
“It’s fine, I totally wasn’t worried you weren’t coming or anything,” said Hunter nervously, barely hiding the truth within. His face became serious as he noticed the disdain did not leave her face. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh, it’s nothing,” she sighed, trying to force a smile. “This girl at school is just out to get me. Whenever she sees me she finds something to make fun of, and normally I can ignore it because I know she just wants a reaction out of me but I woke up already not feeling great and I dunno I guess it just got to me today.”
“What kind of things does she say?”
“That’s the worst part too, like the things she says aren’t even true or clever but she just keeps saying them,” Willow sighed. “Like she needs me to know how much she believes I’m a loser and that I’ll always be weak. It’s like she needs to make sure there’s someone worse off than her otherwise she can’t feel good about herself.”
“I’m surprised anyone would even try to mess with you, you know considering your status.”
“Oh yeah, as a Blight.”
“Oh well yeah but I mean just because of your ability in general,” said Hunter. “You’re a very powerful witch.”
“Me?”
“Yeah,” he said with confidence. Willow knew he must be fully informed of Amity’s academic strides to have secured her time with him, the Blights had a reputation in every aspect a person could. “I mean, it took Terra weeks to figure out how to get that seed to sprout and when I gave it to you you did it in minutes.”
“I didn’t even do anything really, I just held it to my heart because I was so excited. I just got lucky.”
“Yes but your first instinct was to be kind to it, Terra would never try something like that,” said Hunter. “Your magic comes from a genuine, caring place. It’s not for show or power and that’s what I think makes it so strong.”
Willow just stared at him.
“What? Did I say something weird? Is there something on my face? Why are you-.”
She wrapped him in a hug.
“You didn’t say anything weird,” said Willow. “It was just what I needed to hear. It was so sweet, thank you Hunter.”
“Yeah well I-if you what I can make that girl spend a night in the dungeon,” said Hunter, still unsure how to respond to her genuine words sometimes. His arms were pinned at his sides as she rested the side of her face on his chest. He didn’t know what to say but he didn’t want her to think him not talking meant he wanted her to let go.He didn’t know what this was but he knew he didn’t hate it. “We’ll see if she tries to mess with you again after that.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” she giggled, looking up at him. “But you know what would really make me feel better?”
“What?”
“Watching you try your first slice of fairy pie!”
He gasped. “No way!”
She giggled at his expression as she released him to skip over to her bag. “I told you my dad makes the best so I saved you some from my lunch!” She rushed back over to him with the carefully packaged slice she had perfectly crafted for him. Hunter took it and eyed it skeptically.
“Alador made this?”
“No, he- er yeah I know right?” Willow gave the best nonanswer she could.
“And there’s no like… abomination goo in it?” he asked, only half joking as he looked it over.
“No I promise; I helped make this batch myself.
“Well it smells and looks really amazing,” Hunter said, feeling his mouth start to water. “But I can’t take this from you. Besides, I have my own piece of bread that I shouldn’t let go to waste.”
He went to fetch it from the table: the stale, pale slice of bread he had every encounter, the emperor’s idea of a snack. If you asked Willow, it shouldn’t be any person’s idea of edible.
“Well how about we swap then?” Willow offered. “My friends and I do it all the time! Try something new. You have the cake and I’ll take your bread so it doesn’t go to waste.”
“Are you sure? It hardly seems like a fair trade to yo-,” before Hunter could finish objecting, Willow snatched the bread from his hands and licked it.
”Now you have no choice.” She said plainly.
He was stunned and flustered and embarrassed all at once. He never knew how to explain the things she did or how he felt about them. He knew she didn’t care about impressing him, yet she did it without trying. She didn’t care how it made her look. She wasn’t trying to bribe him. She did nice things for him because they would help him, there was no favors or ulterior motives lurking within her actions.
She placed the cake in his hands, making it clear she would hear no more on the matter.
The cake was everything she said it was, which meant it was everything his normal snack wasn’t. This was rich and vibrant and sharp and sweet in a way Hunter didn’t know was possible. He both wanted to savor it and devour it as quickly as possible. Willow’s reaction was less entrancing, as she tried to fake a smile as she marveled at how something could taste sour and salty and somehow flavorless at the same time.
When she managed to stomach it, she turned to see his reaction and was surprised to see him looking despondent despite the extra frosting she had added to the treat that she had been sure would delight him.
“What’s wrong? Does it taste okay?”
“No, I mean yes I mean it’s just… you had a bad day and you still came to see me,” Hunter said.
“Yeah, I mean I had a feeling I’d be late but-.”
“No it’s not about that, it's just… well. it would be a perfectly valid reason to not come by,” said Hunter. “If you weren’t feeling up to it or something, it would be understandable. But then when you did, you end up making me feel better.”
“Yeah?”
“Why?”
“That’s what being friends is,” she said simply, trying not to smile too wide at the stray bit of frosting that was smudged on the side of his mouth.
“We’re friends?”
“Yeah,” she said, trying in vain to bite into the stale loaf. “What else would we be?”
“Well I … I don’t know,” he said with a shrug. He wanted to ask what other things they could be. “I guess I’m just… glad to hear you say it.”
“Well then,” she said with a smile, scotting a bit closer to him to wipe the rogue bit of frosting from his cheek. “I’ll be sure to say it more often.”
“Cool,” he said, breaking off a piece of the pie to hand to her,she accepted if for no other reason than she needed the stale and somehow sour aftertaste from her mouth. She would definitely be bringing him more suitable treats going forward.
“And besides,” she said with a smile. “Seeing you made me feel better too.”
----
On the off chance it should ever come up, Willow and Amity also met weekly to go over the meetings, Willow filling her in on any talking points that Darius might mention or Odalia might ask about. Of course, Willow did not tell Amity everything that went on at their encounters, she certainly kept the fluttering feeling in her chest to herself and the growing collection of heart doodles in her notebooks didn’t seem to come up. Willow just guaranteed that she was doing the Blight name justice and that her mother would be pleased with the report that may find its way back to her. She wasn’t sure how Hunter reported things, wondering if there were any portions he also kept to himself.
“... and then he mentioned the trial exams and “
“And what else did he say about those? Did he give you any clue about the new format?”
“Uh, maybe?” said Willow with a shrug. “Then I showed him a cute picture of Clover and he showed me a trick that he and his palisman have been practicing where he spins and then they both-.”
“Wait, he has a palisman?”
“Oh, shoot!” exclaimed Willow, sitting back up. “You can’t tell anyone! It’s a secret, oh but he’s so cute! Him and Clover get along so well. Oh my titan, I took the cutest picture of them playing when Hunter was telling us about-.”
“Hunter? Who is Hunter?”
“Oh,uh the er golden guard,” Willow said, feeling shy for some reason. “That’s his name. Is that a secret too?”
“I’m not sure,” Amity said. “But I guess it’s just surprising he lets you call him that. But I guess that means the meetings really have been going well huh?”
“Yeah,” Willow sighed, admitting a photo she had taken of Hunter and Flapjack when he wasn’t looking. The bird was looking up at him with so much love and happiness and Hunter gently stroked under his chin, smiling as the sun framed the scene. His jawline was sharp and his eyes were soft, he looked so content and comfortable and cute and- she was starting to suspect this was not a platonic way to look at a photo for five minutes straight as she totally forgot Amity was talking to her.
“...but it’s not like it’s guaranteed or anything, I mean I’m sure he would’ve mentioned it to you by now but we have a few years before it’s an issue and by then my mom might have dropped it, I mean Miss Lilith said I was on track to join the coven but that might not even be something I want by then and-.”
“What? Oh my titan Amity I’m so sorry I… I wasn’t paying attention.”
Amity rolled her eyes endearingly and laughed. “No worries, I was just saying how my mom was excited when she found out the Golden guard had taken over the coven because she thinks she can talk the emperor into an arrangement.”
“Like what kind of arrangement?” Willow asked, scrolling through her collection of photos as she sipped her drink.
“Like one like she and my dad have I think,” said Amty, wrinkling her nose. “A business marriage to try and get me ahead but like that wouldn’t guarantee anything and besides it would be totally-.”
She was cut off by Willow nearly choking to death.
“Hey, woah!” she patted her friend’s back as she caught her breath. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” she said after she managed to catch her breath. “I… um…Amity, are these meetings supposed to be like a… courtship?”
“Um I guess but my mom knows that I-.”
“Does Hunt- I mean, the golden guard, does he know?”
“Um maybe? I'm sure my mom isn’t the first person to try it, I mean it’s like the oldest trick in the book.”
“Amity, why didn’t you tell me I was basically going on dates with him this whole time?”
“Because my mom is always thinking of something new to get ahead and it never works out the way she- wait, why does that matter?”
“Because what if he thinks that I think we've basically been going on dates that I don’t actually like him I’m just trying to jump ahead into the coven and- why are you looking at me like that?”
Amity offered her a knowing glare before the dots connected and she pointed her finger at her friend and declared dramatically. “You like him!”
“What?!”
“You do! You like him!”
“I- maybe? I might? Kind of?” Willow knew she couldn’t deny it, she also kind of didn’t want to. “I mean sure, we have a lot in common and he’s really smart and funny and then I found out he was cute and I guess I just-.”
“Wait, cute? You saw his face?”
“Yeah, is that a big deal?”
“Well I don’t think he wears the mask because he wants everyone knowing what he looks like,” said Amity. “He must trust you.”
“Great,” groaned Willow, flopping onto the bed. “He trusts me and I’ve been lying to him since the moment we met.” Her voice was muffled by her pillow. Amity sighed and went to pat her back to reassure her but hesitated, not as skilled at comforting others as she wished she was. She cleared her throat and tried to offer a positive thought, but thankfully Willow cut her off as she continued to voice her thoughts.
“The ironic part is I really do feel like myself around him,” she sighed, rolling over to be heard better as she hugged the pillow to her chest. “But if I tell him now he might not believe me or he’ll be upset and then you’ll get in trouble on top of it!”
“I shouldn’t have put you in this position in the first place,” said Amity solemnly..
“I’m honestly kind of glad you did,” Willow admitted bashfully. “I… I really do like him.”
“Well as… unorthodox as your meeting was, I’m happy for you,” said Amity. “I’m sure he likes you too.”
Willow couldn’t help but blush, feeling giddy to finally be open about her crush. She had missed talking crushes with Amity.
“Which probably isn’t ideal since he thinks you’re me, huh?”
“Yeah that’s… probably not great.”
“I mean, he may think you’re a Blight but he knows inside you’re a Park,” Amity offered proudly. Willow simply offered her a look.
“Was that too much?” Amity winced.
“It was a little cheesy,” Willow admitted with a chuckle. “But you’re right. I care about him and don’t want to hurt him. So I think I know what I have to do.”
Amity could tell that knowing the right thing to do also meant Willow wouldn’t enjoy doing it.
—-
Willow did not go back the next week.
Or the week after that.
She couldn't help but feel like doing so was leading him on. Even though she knew she felt… a certain way about him,there was no scenario she could think of that didn’t end with him feeling heartbroken or foolish. The Blights were known to be busy, she hoped he’d assume she’d been held up with school or other obligations.
But instead, he broke his own heart because she was too polite to do it.
Which is how he found himself at the Blights’ door.
He waited patiently as the abomination servant fetched Odalia, who greeted him with a smile that lacked sincerity and brought to mind a vampire. How had such a cold place brought forth such a warm person?
There was no turning back now, he would not be scared off by the unfortunate circumstance of her upbringing. Hunter removed his mask knowing it naturally lent authority to his tone and he wanted to assure that this came not as a demand or something official but a personal request from the heart. He had rehearsed it in the mirror for hours, imagined and planned different scenarios of varying grandness but he didn’t want it confused for a spectacle.
“Mrs. Blight, I’ve come here to ask for your blessing,” he said, certain and nervous in a way that made the contraction feel welcoming.
“Blessing? Blessing for what, exactly?”
He took a deep breath to better brace himself and his heavy eyes were serious and sincere as the words entered the world outside his bedroom for the first time.
“I believe I am in love with your daughter.”
“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised,” she replied with a smug gleam in her eye. “The Blights shine so brightly, of course the emperor’s right hand man can see that clearly. Allow me to fetch her.”
Hunter straightened his spine as Odalia touched her broach and in a moment, Emira appeared beside her.
“Oh, uh I-I’m sorry I meant your other daughter,”
“Oh,” said Odalia. “Heh, my apologies.” She touched her broach and Amity came trudging in beside her sister, trying to keep her composure when she discovered the reason why.
“Oh, uh I guess I meant your other other daughter,” he clarified once more.
“Edric?” Emira said with a raise of her eyebrow.
“Amity,” said Hunter. “Though I know she prefers to go by-.”
“This is Amity, your grace,” said Odalia, bringing Amity forward. “I understand if you didn't recognize her. I know the purple hair is rather unappealing, but we can change it if it isn’t to your liking.”
“No, no that’s not-.” He sighed. “Are you sure there’s no one else here? Anyone who might go by Clover?”
“‘Clover?’” Emira repeated. “Isn’t that the name of-.”
“Um, ya know I think we just need some privacy,” said Amity, nearly jumping out of her skin as she ran to take Hunter’s wrist. “Excuse us won’t you okay byeee!”
Hunter followed her until they were out of earshot, then stopped to demand some explanation. His confusion bordered on anger, slowly shifting to hurt.
“What’s going on?”
“You’re not in love with me.”
“Well duh,” scoffed Hunter. “I’m in love with Amity.”
“No, no you’re not,” she sighed. “I mean, you are but the Amity you think is Amity isn’t really Amity because I’m really Amity.”
“What?”
She went and pulled out her scroll and turned to show him a photo. “This is her, right?”
He looked down and saw it was her… whoever she was. She was bright and beaming, smiling the smile he knew meant she had been laughing.
“Yes,” he said. For a moment, his heart dropped as he considered the notion that she had seen him coming and fled the house in order to avoid this conversation. “So if she’s not here… what’s going on?”
—
Willow had drafted dozens of letters she didn’t know how to send. No matter how she worded it., the truth just didn’t seem good enough. And now she had let time pass, maybe too much time. But she didn’t know which she was more afraid of: hurting him or admitting she had been hurting him all along. But realistically what did she think would happen? He was essentially a prince. Her reputation labeled her as half-a-witch. Their worlds were never meant to collide, he would be bored of her or outgrow her soon enough. He would never demote himself to her world.
Then she saw him at the end of her garden path, walking to her front door.
No mask, no armor, no walls. Just him. Her heart raced and sank and hid over and over. Was he here to arrest her? To yell at her? To save her? Suddenly, she didn’t care. After weeks that felt like lifetimes, seeing him just made her come to realize how much she missed him.
He knocked.
She quickly fluffed her hair in the mirror by her front door and took a deep breath before she slowly opened it for him. She didn’t know what to say, if she should greet him, hug him, or if she should have pretended to not be home. Once their eyes met, the words flooded out.
“I’m sorry,” she said with wide eyes. “Are you mad? It’s okay if you are, I’d be mad too. You should be mad, I lied to you. I had a good reason to, I know it’s not an excuse because I kept doing it even after Amity asked me to stop. I just liked you and spending time with you and I promise I never lied about that and I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how and I-.”
“What’s your name?” He asked.
“I- what?”
“Your name,” he said breathlessly. “Your real name.”
“Willow,” she said. “Willow Park.”
“Willow,” he repeated, like it made the air taste sweeter. It suited it, it felt like it should be so obvious that it was the perfect word to describe her. It was elegant and whimsical and simple in a way that managed to capture all that she was in mere letters. It had music in it, like reciting a fond dream.
“Well Willow Park,” he said, the name dancing on his lips like prayer as he extended his hand to her. “It’s an honor to meet you.”
She took it. “The pleasure is all mine, Golden Guard sir,”
“Please call me Hunter.”
“Okay,” she said nervously. “Even though I actually don’t have the status of a Blight? You’re still okay with me calling you Hunter?”
“Yeah, I mean that’s what my friends call me.”
“Okay cool,” she said, feeling nervous around him for the first time in weeks. She brushed her hair behind her ear, feeling like he was waiting for her to say more. “So um h-how did you find me?”
“Oh, Amity- the real Amity- told me,” he explained. “When you stopped showing up I went to Blight manor to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m sorry I worried you,” she said softly. “I wanted to explain but I didn’t want to get Amity in trouble and I didn’t want to lie and it was just easier this way. It’s cowardly, I know. But I was worried that if I went to tell you and saw you I wouldn’t be able to go through with it.”
“Oh, okay,” he voice wavered and he cleared his throat to try and hide it. “I uh- t-that’s good to know then. I was also worried that maybe I had done something to offend you.”
“No of course not! Why would you think that?”
“Well the last time I saw you we um, or rather I lingered in our embrace,” he said, his face reddening with every word. “And I was worried that it may have been inappropriate that you could interpret it as unprofessional.”
She had noticed, but she would have sworn she had been the one lingering.
“That’s definitely not the reason.”
“So then you forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” she said with a smile. “I’m the one with things to apologize for.”
“Weeeeell that’s not entirely true,” he said with a nervous laugh. “Since we’re admitting things, you or rather Amity I suppose, didn’t need to keep coming because… my uncle stopped requiring it after the second visit. So I… I kind of lied too.”
“And why would you do something like that?”
“Because I liked spending time with you,” he said. “And I would like to see you again,” he cleared his throat to try and summon his confident tone back. “Outside the castle walls.”
Willow smiled. “To do what?”
“Well, uh I know the… situation of how we met wasn’t entirely… ideal “ he continued. “And I eh- hold on, this changes my speech a little.”
“You made a speech?” she said, knowing he made speeches for the most important matters in his life. “For me?”
“I heh yeah I did,” he said with a chuckle. He knew she wouldn’t mock him, her teasing was always gentle and from a caring place. She helped him see the humor in himself, that allowed him to relax for at least a moment.“I… it’s so weird. I had no trouble telling Odalia Blight how I felt about you.Titan, I loved you even when I thought you were a Blight, I considered it the closest thing you had to a flaw and even then I-.”
He looked up and saw her gentle expression was gone and now she looked stunned. Not upset, just surprised.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, worried he had misread the situation.
“You just… you just said you loved me.” Willow said as though letting him know he had misspoke.
“Oh! I mean yes, I did,” he tried to save face. “I did say that because… well… it’s not totally untrue. I mean I was researching dynamics within a friendship and found many of the aspects present in our interactions but then there were other… feelings that were slightly more advanced than ones expressed within a purely platonic relationship. And one day after you left I suppose my face was still rather flushed when a scout saw me and they accused me of being in love and I… I don’t think they were wrong?”
She knew they were young and being in love was something major and brought with more time but Titan she couldn’t deny that she loved hearing him say it. Despite his feeling causing him to be teased and confused and uneasy, he trusted her enough to share it unfiltered.
“You mean a lot to me too,” she said, trying to balance the sentiments dancing between them. “
“Sorry if I’m talking a lot I just feel like when I don’t see you I save all the things I want to say and they just like flood out because I just feel really safe around you and I know it was only a week but I really missed you, like I miss you every time sorry if that’s weird or-.”
“It’s not weird,” she said, taking his hands in hers. “It’s definitely not weird.”
“Yeah okay,” he chuckled, trying to hide his blush as he couldn’t help but focus on how soft her hands were. “So it’s… okay? I wanted to do this right and not seeing you at Blight manor kind of threw me through a loop. I just pictured it happening a certain way.”
“How did you picture it?”
“Well, worst case scenario you turn me down because it was just something you did for your family and you secretly despise me.”
She giggled, not to make fun of him but because it seemed like an impossible scenario. “And the best case?”
“Well I… I guess this is probably better than the best case,” he said. He balled his fists at his sides and bit his lip, feeling entirely out of his element.
“Hunter,” she began gently, finding solace in the fact that they felt out of place together. “Would you like to go on a date with me?”
“Yes,” he said, dramatically exhaling unaware he had been holding his breath in the first place. “Oh thank Titan I’m so glad you said something because I did not know where I was going with that.”
They laughed, falling into a comfort they had both missed dearly.
“So… can we start over?” she asked. “No lies?”
“Sounds good to me, Willow,” he said, getting used to the excitement that came with saying her name now. “So since we’re being honest, do you actually have any interest in joining the emperor’s coven?”
“Not really,” she admitted, sucking her teeth. “Is that okay?”
“Well, technically I’m only supposed to socialize with potential recruits,” said Hunter, pretending to be distraught. “So it looks like I’m going to have to find a way to convince you.”
“Hmmm, that might take awhile though.”
“I’m prepared to arrange as many meetings as necessary to try and enlist you,” he declared in a new version of his ‘official’ voice. “The emperor’s coven can’t let a recruit with your potential get away so easily.”
“So what do you have in mind?”
“Well, I’d love to take you to the botanical gardens we talked about,” he said. “Perhaps one of those flyer derby matches you mentioned or that bakery I pass by on patrol.”
“I’d really like that,” she said with a smile.
“So we… have a new arrangement?” he asked, extending his hand to her before adding just because he liked saying it: “Willow?”
“It looks like we do,” she said, shaking his hand. “As long as you’re prepared to give the speech you wrote for the Blights to my dads.”
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HASARDER — PART 3
YJ/Teen Titans Dick Grayson x Reader
Part 2 << MASTERLIST >> Part 4
There’s a logical explanation for everything… even the illogical. And sometimes, the illogical includes the idea of your dead best friend dropping by… from another dimension.
Reader is gender neutral.
Contains: civilian reader, mentions of death (your own), spoilers: you’re actually alive… kinda, classic Dick vs. Bruce argument, the heavily autistic-coded Tim agenda.
“Dick—”
“I think you owe me an EXPLANATION or TWO, BRUCE. Because why did I get a frantic phone call from Tim telling me that a stranger with (Y/N)’s face is walking around, while you KEPT ME OUT OF THE LOOP, huh?!”
“… I knew you would be too emotionally charged to handle—”
“No. No, stop. I don’t want to hear that dumb spiel anymore. This isn’t Tony Zucco, Bruce!! This is my BEST FRIEND. I knew (Y/N) better than you EVER did, and you mean to say you didn’t give me a heads up about this faker, because, what? I’d be a little surprised that there is a FAKE (Y/N) WALKING AROUND?!”
“Dick—!!”
“WELL, COLOR ME SURPRISED, BRUCE. AND KEEP ME POSTED ON THE NEXT CASE UPDATE, BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW HOW GOOD YOU ARE AT DOING THAT.”
“THIS (Y/N) ISN’T THE (Y/N) YOU KNEW, DICK. You have no BUSINESS knowing anything about this (Y/N)—”
“I HAVE NO BUSINESS?! I HAVE NO BUSINESS KNOWING WHO’S OUT THERE PLAYING (Y/N)-DRESS-UP, WHILE MY REAL BEST FRIEND IS STILL 6 FEET UNDER IN A GRAVE THAT, BY THE WAY, I KNOW YOU TOOK UPON YOURSELF TO DIG UP?! NO ONE HAS BUSINESS DOING THAT. NOT BRUCE WAYNE, NOT BATMAN, NOT ANYONE.”
“We had to know for CERTAIN—”
“WE… There’s that MAGICAL ‘WE’ I keep HEARING ABOUT!! Because Batman the loner can’t even TRUST NIGHTWING with anything, but he’ll reach out to ANYONE ON THE JUSTICE LEAGUE. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? IT’S A MIRACLE ANYONE EVEN WANTS TO WORK WITH YOU AT THIS POINT, SINCE YOU DO NOTHING BUT DRIVE PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR LIFE!!“
“Dick!! Dick, wait!!”
“Nightwing’s back!!”
Before Dick could even turn around, a tiny green monkey perched itself on his shoulder, offering a toothy grin. A couple of cheeky chirps came from the creature as the corners of Dick’s mouth twitched upwards. “Good to see you too, Gar,” he chuckled, letting the freshman team member crawl to his other shoulder.
An exasperated sigh rang out from behind them. “Gar!! What did I tell you about running off in the middle of conversations?!”
Dick watched as M’gann landed next to him, her hands on her hips and a brow quirked. Though her tone was admonishing, she did have an amused smile on her face, so she at least wasn’t seriously upset with her pseudo younger brother. And speaking of whom, the green monkey leapt off of Dick’s shoulder, transforming back into his human form.
“Sorry, M’gann,” the boy exaggeratedly sighed. A wide grin then broke out on his face as he said, “but look!! Nightwing’s back!!”
M’gann’s gaze turned from Garfield to Dick. “I can see that,” she remarked. Her face still held a smile, but it softened a bit as her expression turned from amused to somber. “Welcome back, team leader.”
“It’s good to be back,” said Dick, returning M’gann’s bittersweet smile.
The Martian gave him a reassuring look before herding Gar back to the sparring floor. Just as he was about to turn away, however, M’gann’s voice entered his mind. “I’m… glad to see you’re doing better.”
Dick mentally sighed through their mind link. “Thanks for taking over, M’gann… I just—”
“You don’t to explain yourself,” M’gann quickly interjected. “I completely understand. You’re still… healing.” She took a second to collect her thoughts before continuing. “If you ever need to talk... or just need more time… I’m here.”
“I know,” said Dick. He watched as she glanced back at him, an uncertain expression plastered on her face. It was a very quick glance, only lasting about 2 seconds as to not raise suspicion from Gar, but it practically screamed the words she wanted to say; do you?
The link was then dropped.
Dick had to take a deep breath in before finally walking off. His psychic conversation with M’gann left a giant weight on his chest, though he couldn’t exactly pinpoint why. Maybe it had something to do with the walls he built up to keep his friends out. Even though it’s been 2 years, he hadn’t really talked about your death with anyone; not even to Wally, or Clark, and definitely not with Bruce. “I’m fine,” he’d tell them all, hoping to finally get them off of his case. Therapy sessions with Dinah practically went in circles, since they consisted of him repeating “I’m fine” over and over again. There were still days — weeks, even — where he just can’t find it in him to get out of bed, and his response to all of the missed calls, texts, and teammate wellness check-ups; “I’m fine.”
He’s fine. Dick Grayson is fine. He doesn’t need to talk about your death because he’s fine.
But that’s not what he wanted to think about now. Making his way to the library, he kept his eyes peeled for a particular red-and-black uniform. And sure enough, at one of the farthest tables, the latest Boy Wonder was tapping away at his wrist computer. There were miscellaneous papers and books strewn about, and 2 laptops — one closed and the other open with some note-taking application up — were on the surface of the table.
Someone’s been busy, Dick thought with a humorous smirk.
The older male made sure his footsteps were heavy enough for Tim to hear, just to give the teen a small heads-up. Sure enough, at the sound of footsteps, the Boy Wonder’s head shot up, and the open laptop was immediately sealed shut just as his wrist computer blipped away. “Nightwing,” was his curt greeting.
“Timmers,” Dick greeted back. The nickname was intentional; he wanted to make sure that the young teen knew that this wasn’t a team-related matter. This strategy proved fruitful, because Tim’s shoulders lost some tension as a coy smile stretched across his lips. Though it only lasted for a couple of seconds, as a more serious expression crossed Tim’s face. “Have you… talked with B? Since your argument?”
Dick hummed. “Just last night. Talked with him on patrol when—”
“I didn’t mean Nightwing talking to Batman.”
“… No.” A shallow sigh tumbled from Dick’s mouth. “I was thinking about talking to him after paying this so-called (Y/N) a visit, but…”
“I think you should,” said Tim, a rare firmness in his tone that honestly spooked Dick a bit. But his voice soon turned into something more timid, as he added, “uh… but only if you feel up to it. I… um... anyway, I… found out where B’s keeping (Y/N). Fake (Y/N), I mean.”
Dick leaned pulled out a chair, ignoring the awful scraping noise it made against the ground as he plopped down on it. “What rules did you have to break to find the address?”
“Don’t remind me,” Tim mumbled, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. “I did what I had to do, and I’m praying Batman doesn’t take away my costume for it…”
“He won’t, trust me.” To accentuate his reassuring words, Dick put a hand on Tim’s shoulder. “This dilemma is between me and him. Besides, if he wanted you off of patrol, he would’ve done something by now.”
Hearing this, Tim let out a shaky sigh. “… Okay.”
There was a short bought of silence as the young Boy Wonder fiddled with his wrist computer. Dick assumed it had something to do with (Y/N)’s location, and his hypothesis proved correct when an alert pinged from his own wrist. Quickly checking the address, Dick brought his hand from Tim’s shoulder to his neatly combed hair. “Thanks, Tim. This… means a lot to me.”
“I know it does,” the teen responded. “I mean, If it were my best friend… I’d want to know who their mysterious doppelgänger is, too.”
A sad smile formed on Dick’s face. The thought of Tim doing all of this for him… well… he couldn’t help but feel guilty. Even though Tim was the one who initially brought everything to his attention, this should’ve stayed between Dick and all of the Leaguers and scientists who were involved. It was unfair for Dick to use Tim as his little proxy. Wanting to express his guilt on the matter, he opened his mouth to say something when a book on the table caught his eye.
A BRIEF HISTORY OF BLACK HOLES.
Black holes?
Since when was Tim interested in black holes?
Dick was aware of Tim’s habit to go down rabbit holes of information, but they usually revolve around technology and cold cases. The only interest the boy had in space — that Dick was aware of — was Martians (he holds the memory of Tim spouting out Martian facts on patrol very close to his heart). Perhaps this was for a school project, or to debunk a claim that a classmate he finds distasteful made (again)?
The more Dick studied the books and papers around him, however, the quicker the dots were connecting in his mind. Another book titled Parallel Worlds was opened face-down next to his laptop with a bunch of orange sticky notes marking certain pages. And next to that was a page from a notepad labelled with “quntm hypo” (shorthand for quantum hypothesis, Dick assumed) in Tim’s handwriting. What really solved this puzzle, however, we’re the printed copies of the (Y/N) (L/N) file, a picture of you paper clipped to the first paper in the stack.
… Someone’s been busy alright.
Picking up the one of the file pages, Dick gave it a quick skim before looking at his successor. “Been doing a little research of your own?”
Tim’s gaze went to the floor. “Just a little.”
“Just a little,” the acrobat echoed with a tone of mirth, surveying the sea of papers and books around the table. “So… you’re thinking that this stranger (Y/N)’s from a different dimension?”
“Adam Strange did an MRI on them not too long ago,” Tim explained. “Found traces of Zeta Beams in their body. Doppelgänger (Y/N) said they’ve never heard of a Zeta Beam or a Zeta Tube. Which doesn’t match up with our (Y/N)…”
“Because our (Y/N) is registered in the JL Zeta Tube access system,” finished Dick.
The younger male nodded. “And these Titans… fake (Y/N)’s description of them was finally added to the Bat Computer’s records, and they’re apparently a team of young superheroes who are based in Jump City, California.” The screen of his wrist watch popped up with your given statement. “The Teen Titans. They’re my friends. We all live in Titans Tower in Jump City. Where’s Robin? Is he alright? I have to see him. Please let me see him.” He then looked up at Dick. “When Batman asked for them to identify Robin, they… said Dick Grayson.”
Dick had to swallow the thick lump that was forming in his throat. You wanted to see him. And though you weren’t his (Y/N), he wanted to see you, too. Just to see who’s parading around with his dead best friend’s face, of course. It would be unwise to think he would receive closure from your mysterious clone. “So, they lived with a group of young heroes in both worlds, but in our world, it’s in Mount Justice, and in their world…”
“It’s the Titans.” Tim closed out of his wrist computer and picked up a paper from the (Y/N) file stack. “That would also explain why they ended up on the other side of the country. If they lived in Jump City, and then somehow… got… transported or warped or whatever to our universe, then according to Strange’s Pinpoint Zeta theory, they would theoretically show up in the same area from their own universe.”
“Never heard of this Pinpoint Zeta theory,” the older male commented.
“Strange just came up with it,” answered Tim. “The basic gist of his hypothesis is that an object using Zeta Beams to travel from one timeline to another will show up in a destination with Zeta energy that’s closest to their original location from where they initially left from.”
Dick couldn’t help but quirk a brow at this. “And where did alternate timeline (Y/N) show up?”
The paper in Tim’s hand was soon replaced with another, the new paper outstretched for Dick to see. “SOTO Labs. Used to be an industrial research laboratory before STAR Labs nailed them with that huge lawsuit years ago. Long story short, the head scientist of SOTO Labs was caught red-handed smuggling Zeta tech all the way from Taos.”
“I remember that,” Dick commented, taking the paper from Tim to read over it himself. “Jorge James-Mendez. Got put away for a long time… among others who were involved.” A deep frown formed on his face. “What does (Y/N) have to do with SOTO Labs?”
Tim rested his head against the palm of his hand. “That’s the thing. While (Y/N) said that they know of a SOTO Labs, as far as they knew, there weren’t any lawsuits or anything that shut the place down, and they don’t recall being anywhere near SOTO Labs to begin with… though it doesn’t help that they don’t remember much period.”
“A parallel universe… an alternate timeline…” Dick rubbed his temples. “Do you really think it’s possible…? That this is a (Y/N) from an entirely different world from our own?”
“Theoretically… anything’s possible,” was Tim’s answer. “This isn’t the first time we’ve had to look into dimensional travel as a probable answer. And with all the weird details from this (Y/N)’s situation…” the teen interrupted himself with a sigh, “I’m inclined to believe it’s true.”
This… was too much to process. Just a week ago, Dick was trying to wrap his head around the idea of a whole other (Y/N) existing, and now he has to consider the idea of a whole other universe? Sure, he’s had conversations like this with Wally in the past, but that was all theoretical. This… was real. And his dead best friend just so happened to be the one to make it real; to prove that it was real.
… He’s fine. Dick Grayson is fine. He doesn’t need to talk about how an alternate version of his dead best friend somehow ended up in this universe — coincidentally a few weeks after the anniversary of your death — because he’s fine.
Snapping out of his deep thoughts, Dick looked up at Tim again. “So… you’re on board with the idea. And I’m guessing Adam Stange is, too. But What about Batman?”
A simple shrug accompanied Tim’s reply. “According to his notes, the evidence is enough to back up the notion of alternate world (Y/N). Manhunter and Fate feel the same way.”
Dick smirked. “Because they told you?”
“… Because Batman was kind enough to write their thoughts along with his own… in a file that’s triple password-protected.”
Classic Boy Wonder struggles.
Although Dick wanted nothing more than to stop asking questions — he’s learned enough information as it is — there was something in the back of his brain that was bothering him. Letting his eyes drift to Tim’s primary laptop, he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something else. Something that Tim wasn’t telling him. “What were you looking up?”
Tim only stared dumbly at his senior. “Huh?”
“Earlier.” One of Dick’s hands motioned towards Tim’s laptop. “You had your laptop open. What were you doing?”
“Nothing,” said Tim. “Why?”
… The kid’s gotten better at keeping a poker face, Dick mentally noted. “So, nothing to do with alternate (Y/N)?”
“No.”
“… And nothing to do with our (Y/N)?”
“…”
So he IS hiding something.
Before Dick could press further, however, Tim sprang out of his seat and began to gather his belongings. “Look, I’ve got a lot going on,” he explained. “This whole alternate universe thing spawned some crazy theories, some of which are half baked at best,” he tucked his primary laptop underneath his arm, “and they’re not ready for me to share. If one of them leads somewhere, I’ll tell you, but… for now, I can’t risk giving out bogus, okay?!”
Dick carefully put a hand out to calm the third Boy Wonder. “Tim—”
“I told you the concrete facts, Dick.” Realizing his voice was raising in volume, Tim took a deep breath. “I… I told you everything that Batman knows. I promise I’m not keeping you in the dark, it’s just…” another deep breath, “I don’t want to be wrong about anything on this.”
Any questions Dick had died on the tip of his tongue, and all he could respond with was, “it’s okay, Tim... I believe you.”
There was no response from the third Boy Wonder. Quietly, he gathered all of his belongings and stashed them all in the duffle bag hanging off of his chair. Slinging it over his shoulder, Tim turned towards his predecessor and mumbled a quiet, “… I’m sorry,” before making a b-line towards the exit.
Tim was weirdly… defensive. Dick wasn’t sure if he’s ever seen his successor get this way, but he definitely didn’t like it. Tim was hiding something, and whatever it is, it must been big; something not even Batman knows. And while it hurt to know that Tim of all people was withholding information from him, he at least had faith that the teen would eventually tell him (unlike… y’know… Batman). It was just a matter of waiting until Tim was fully sure of… whatever this crazy theory was.
Timmy was the one who told me about the other (Y/N) in the first place, Dick reminded himself. He’s not going to pull a Bruce on me.
In the meantime, Dick had other things to worry about, like returning to his duties as team leader, patrolling Blüdhaven, and…
… Guess it’s time to pay (Y/N) (L/N) a visit.
#Young Justice x reader#Teen Titans x reader#Dick Grayson x reader#Robin Dick Grayson#Nightwing Dick Grayson
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I know he was not a public personality and was only a distant relative and he left behind a wife and privacy yadda yadda. but don’t you think it’s weird nothing has come out more about why thomas kingston died? like not even hints of like maybe job or money troubles or marriage troubles or mental health struggles. I know what happened was a delicate situation, but in cases like that, there’s always a root to it. wouldn’t the rota be hinting even something about longtime struggles with his mental health or soemthing? people don’t just die. and i do think given his connection to the royal family the rota would want to be dropping hints, but in this case everyone’s just quiet.
do you think it’s just because the rota is not interested? they could still respect his privacy and the privacy of the widow, but i imagine there could be like a really simplified throaway explanation out there. In most cases like that, there’s always some explanation people like to throw around. that’s just human nature. that’s what we do as humans. we can even be wrong and extremely insensitive about it, but we always seek for an explanation or speculate. here’s, it’s like there’s none. was he depressed? did he have heavy problems? problems with his family?
what i mean is, look at all the celebrities who die mysteriously. it’s always like “oh they were depressed, they were doing drugs, they’ve been struggling for a long time” etc. people are insensitive but they always try to look for moral lessons in situations like that which is why we look for explanations.
do you think the rota just forgot because there are bigger stories to pursue? have there been other cases like this in the royal family and have their deaths been respected and not probed into by the rota?
you don’t even have to post this if u think i’m being very insensitive. tbh i know i am and i’m sorry, but i would really like to get an opinion on this
The rota doesn't write about this because there's nothing for them to write about, the same way they don't write about Earl Spencer's divorce other than to cover that it happened - it has nothing to do with the crown.
As for the rest of your ask...it's fine that you're curious. It's fine to ask these questions. It's not fine that you think the rota should be invading these people's privacy as they mourn and grieve a shocking, catastrophic loss because his wife's family are The King's cousins and the public deserves to know every little thing that happen.
The moral lesson in situations like this is "let the family handle these matters privately because it's none of our business." The Kingston family doesn't owe anyone - not reporters, not the British public, not the groupies and fans of Thomas's father-in-law's cousins - any kind of explanation or justification for why their husband/son did this.
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okay tumblr. ready for this to be vastly ignored but we ball since discord homies aren’t helping at all
SO! I doubt anyone has noticed my lack of posts recently (since I post very very often) but if anyone may have!! That’s for a reason!
To be frank, I haven’t been doing the best mentally for. A while! I have way too many mood swings for it to be normal (at least for me). I’m not quite sure when this rapid descent started, but I’m at the lowest low as of now. As in I have literally cried every day since Monday!!! Streak!!!!!
There’s a part of me that’s telling me it’s because I’m being dramatic, but the other is telling me it’s from the neglect I’ve been facing. (Of course, I don’t really know what it looks like to others, but I suppose it feels that way.) My parents haven’t been.. the best when it comes to said mood swings. Of course, it’s not really so much my dad (though he isn’t always the best about them either), but more so my mother.
She’ll yell at me, ask me why I’m crying in that derogatory, “you dramatic child what reason do you have” way. It sucks! A lot!!
And highschool hasn’t been making things easier, since my irl friends all go to different schools than I do now! And I have a very very hard time talking to people and approaching them and etc. I’ve just been feeling very alone, and very upset. Things people say don’t make it easier either.
I don’t think I’ve been getting any better, either. I think I’ve turned to social media and people on here for that sort of.. fulfilment. For someone to listen, for friends, for someone who won’t ignore me!
And yet… I feel I’ve been failed here, too.
I’m not sure what to do, but I’m trying to take a break. But it doesn’t help when you don’t know how to mute a group chat (that’s part of the reason you’ve been feeling so awful as well) and have no one to really hang out with in person, since I can’t drive or see my cousin anymore, since they’re at uni now.
It’s just been very hard recently. I just thought I owe all of you an explanation. I’m sorry.
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Can’t believe im about to make another fkn rant post about this.
Since Felicia Wennberg released her first statement against “fans” sexualizing and fetishizing her husband, she has gotten hate on every platform and people have taken to commenting on her IG posts about her family and calling her names.
Alex Wennberg, her husband, has come out in her defence and talked about how hockey culture and his PR training basically dictates that he should shut up and take it. He states that he feels uncomfortable and, in response to that, people think it appropriate to comment on his posts about how his wife can’t “take a joke”?
1- sexual harassment is NOT a joke. A joke is when we all laugh at smth together. Who’s laughing? The Wennbergs sure as hell aren’t.
2- people are saying “you could’ve reached out to x person to set boundaries”.
They shouldn’t have to.
People should understand that there is a line between playful banter/thirsting and sexual harassment. This is 2023, people should know that this shit is unacceptable. Have we learned nothing as a society?
3- now that they have spoken out against this, as Felicia mentions in her SECOND statement, them saying they feel uncomfortable should be enough for people. The fact is, Felicia’s 1st statement should’ve been enough. Alex reiterating his wife’s words and supporting her SHOULD’VE BEEN ENOUGH. It never should’ve gotten to the point where she needed to make a second statement.
They don’t need to justify themselves to anyone. They don’t owe us anything. Alex does his job and we love and appreciate him for it, but that doesn’t entitle us to explanations and justifications.
I read Felicia’s second statement and that one jersey example she gave… i cant even bare to repeat it. It’s disgusting and, personally, i wouldn’t take that shit either. What the hell is wrong with y’all?
As for those threatening to leave, hockey wont die bc it loses your delusional asses. There are still real fans around. The Seattle Kraken’s 2022-2023 season was one of the most successful seasons in the league. They don’t need y’all to keep on going. So, by all means, gtfo.
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Even if they’re similar ages Jason hanging around stephs house just being awkward yet casual but bc I’m Jason headed he would do something *nice* and Steph, the best, is like okay buuuut it doesn’t matter that you’re being kind to my mom while she’a obliterated (and Steph feels protective but also embarrassed of her but Jason was kind) because you’re still doing bad things and working for a bad guy. I’m just rolling around in it like the feeling of going to someone’s house and being left there with someone you don’t know who lives there
(based on this post) YES YES you get it, i think it makes it so fun! bc Steph's primary concern is her mother, and she's also almost sensitive about her living situation and who her father is. she'd be so stressed about a stranger around who could judge and scrutinize all the little details she can't control. especially bc, she's not going to trust *anyone* who works with or for her dad. while other ppl may see him as an almost dismissable threat, she's been up close and personal with all his crimes so she doesn't like when others diminish him. so for Jason viewing Cluemaster as a "lower villain" to compromise his morals for, is almost insulting to Steph. at first. she doesn't care about his sob story (even if she does deeply relate) or the logical reasoning he has for this. she's angry he's associating with her dad in the first place. and now she has to deal with him in her house constantly, "protecting" her as if she can't do so herself. (even more so, the humiliation that her dad felt the need to hire someone but didn't put enough effort into hiring someone *actually* dangerous, bc is she supposed to believe this scrawny teenage street kid is her new bodyguard? he's practically her age.) her whole life is cracked open for a stranger working for her dad. i think it could be a fun "enemies to lovers" sort of vibe, where it takes a good while of forced proximity before Steph really starts to understand Jason.
esp bc Jason rarely feels like explaining himself, he's closed off and doesn't think he owes strangers explanations for why he does what he does. i think it'd be fun if it would be a very slow, awkward relationship that has a deep foundation of mistrust and hatred for a while. neither of them enjoy this forced vulnerability and sure Jason's not doing the questionable stuff like punching cops or moving weapons now, but somehow this almost feels uncomfortably worse bc it's more personal. he actually has to exist around people he can't fight his way out of being around. he knows he's invading. it feels better morally but it's not something he's enjoying to any capacity, esp when he feels like Steph has her points in hating him. and everytime he's forced to actually protect her from real danger, it's that fun sort of cliche of "oh shit i care A Lot More about the idea of you getting hurt then i thought i did, wtf is up with that" and i think that's how they'd finally bond, through those shaky moments where their lives get threatened and Steph sees how far Jason will go to save her.
#necrotic answerings#jaysteph#GOD I love all the thoughts added to this idea#bc you're so right! it'd be uncomfortable and awkward and there would be anger on steph's side#the friendship would take time to work up to bc there'd be no trust for a while#it's just. really interesting getting them to bond in this way#I love them so dearly your honor#jaysteph propaganda continues.
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I believe boundaries have to be established between said celeb and their fandom because honestly celebs don’t us a damn thing when it comes to their personal lives, not even regarding who they date or marry, BUT in this particular case since Chris and team attempted to use the fandom to sell whatever this bs is, HE was wrong. As time carried on the fandom began during the most, so there is no innocent party involved in this. No one should have any private info regarding when he purchased or sold a home, nor should anyone be using any bs info they received via anon to taunt the fandom with “marriage” information or claiming they know a BuA is coming.
As far as Chris, due to his MO being one thing and that MO being the very reason so many loved him, it was devastating to realize the possibility that it was all a lie due to his choice in partner. It’s one thing not to like who your fav marries, it’s a complete different story when they marry or associate with racists. THAT is the main issue here. Who the fuck is Chris Evans in real life? Because if this turns out to be real……fuck his and her and all associated with them.
Like I said …..before this mess he didn’t owe anyone a damn thing, but because of this mess he does owe an explanation or he should just rip the damn bandaid off and fully claim your racist ass wife so everyone can finally move on.
Due to him and this crap we had people DEFENDING racism, so yes this is personal because I as a black woman had to log in to see the very same idiots who once claimed it was pr yet are now screaming how this is real, post Justin posts showing the n-word. I told them to cover the word and these mofos refused to and claimed they were “advocating” against racism. 🙄 stupid fucks.
But yeah at this rate, I don’t care. Chris lost me when he claimed he got married so if this isn’t legit, he should have kept her ass as gf and then ended it when the racism came to light, yet he’s out here claiming her as his wife, with a damn disappearing ring and what not.
I’m mad I wasted my time thinking he was someone he clearly isn’t.
Real or fake, he doesn’t come out looking good either way.
Again if fake, he better get that Netflix documentary ready to expose the bs he was “forced” to do other than that, he’s shown true colors and it is what it is. I want her ass to post a wedding pic so everyone can be like ……okay so he’s cool with racism, fuck him, bye. ✌🏾
But due to not having 100% evidence of this being legit, I hesitate typing because as crazy as it sounds what if he’s actually in some deep shit he can’t get out of and we’re all right with speculation that this is pr, but then I think about how they always do something else and I get pissed again, so yeah I’m over this shitshow…..and I typed all of this to show that. 😂😅
I still care about his ass, but I want to know what’s really going on because this is too much and I just refuse to believe his entire persona was a lie especially since we all clearly see based on his actions, something is wrong. This man shows the world his love for Dodger yet acts like he hates the person he told the world is his “wife”.
Yeah, not falling for that shit. #PR100%
He should have done a lot of things and he still has a lot things to do. I really hope we can one day just collectively move on and focus on ourselves. Humanity is something else.
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The Blight: A Prison Break
Hey, take my hand, and let me take you on the Vir of my Feral Brain
Heads up Seekers, this is a long one.
Solas & The-Veil-Super-Max vs. Mythal, the Big Bad
**No Veilguard Spoilers Past the Released Trailer Media
The Veil separates the world of spirits & magic from the physical world, but that is a byproduct of its existence, not its purpose.
Creating the Veil also created “The Quickening.” If Elvhen are born with The Veil, they are separated from the magic that makes them, cursing them with a shorter lifespan.
But The Veils purpose is to be the jail that the Evanuris (and the blight?) are in;
The fade-separation-part is an annoying side-effect.
And You Say: But OP, in Trespasser, Solas SAYS:
I will save the elven people, even if it means this world must die. [That’s a big IF to throw in there buddy, do you mean you don’t know?]
Why does this world have to die for the elves to return?
A good question, but not one I will answer [Bah, humbug. Coward BioWare]
… and though I owed you an explanation, I will not give you tools to use against me. [So you’re saying there’s a chance? There ARE tools to be used?]
The return of my people means the end of yours. [What if, I don’t believe you?]
Solas says, that there are ways to stop him. But.
We know, entirely separate from Solas, that The Veil is breaking. It is thinning, without anyone’s intervention, slowly over time.
In Ghillys Grove/Dead Hand, rocks are floating. Companions say, all over the place, “ThE vEiL iS tHiN HeRe.”
The veil is coming down, REGARDLESS.
(Maybe not so fast, but it is coming down. It was not built to last forever.)
*Sidebar about Solas’ ancient Elvhen Artifacts, do they maintain the veil like he says? (It will be harder for tears to form here) Or do they do something else? If you note their locations, they’re all in places where elvhen had palaces/ruins/stuff (except for the Wastes, where they’re located amongst Dwarven shit, coincidence, I think not, but that’s Whole-Other-Post-Number-2)
*They are spheres (like Titan foci?) with something like Bismuth growing out of them?
*Solas made the veil. I think the artifacts are his. And I think they do keep The Veil up.
*Because the veil cannot just Come Down™, that would be disastrous.
*It needs to be Taken Down™. Very different.
Which leads us right back to…
The return of my people means the end of yours.
Let’s Remember this Dialogue
Cole: Is there a way to save more spirits, Solas?
Solas: Not until the Veil is healed. The rifts draw spirits through, and the shock makes demons of them.
Cole: Pushing through makes you be yourself. You can hold onto the you. Being pulled through means you don’t have enough you. You become what batters you, bruises your being.
Solas: Yes, exactly. Deliberately crossing the Veil requires that a spirit form will, personality. That concept of self gives a spirit the chance to maintain its nature. Wrenched into this world unwillingly by the rifts, spirits suffer the same fate as my friend.
Cole: Then we will help them.
If you are not paying attention, the game wants you to think that the fade is full of demons, chock full of them. If The Veil comes down, demons will swallow the earth. But, that’s not actually the case. Most of the things there are spirits, they only turn to demons when they get pulled through the veil unwillingly. Let’s hold onto that thought.
Solas wants the Evanuris in prison (I am unsure if he knows that there’s only two of them left). He needs them in prison. But he doesn’t want The Veil.
WHY is having No-Veil inherently dangerous to humans/Dalish if there are mostly spirits?
I don’t think it is.
I think he means the end of the Dalish, meaning the end of the Shemlen version of the Dalish. Immortal elves can exist again after The Veil is gone.
So the Dalish will “Die” (people are always dying) but Immortality will come back.
What does Solas say again? (In the fade with Rook):
Your actions have set events in motion, and I would not have your ignorance on my conscience.
The Evanuris. Blah blah blah…
When I rebelled, they drew on the horrific magic of the blight, corrupting all they saw until I trapped them.
Thanks to you though, I am now trapped, and the blighted “elvhen gods” walk free.
Hang on a tidily minute there pardner.
Solas locked them up because they killed Mythal, not because of anything to do with the blight.
From Trespasser:
Inky: You said that the elven gods went too far. What did they do that made you move against them?
Solas: They killed Mythal (Chuckles). A crime for which an eternity of torment is the only fitting punishment…. And in their lust for power, they killed her.
But he Also Says:
Had I not created the Veil, the Evanuris would have destroyed the entire world.
OhKayy.
So… Now we’re retconning Why Solas’ Imprisoned The Evanuris…
OR…
Andruil brought the Blight back from the Abyss, and Ghilly made/weaponized it. I’m guessing The Evanuris were going to/already were, unleashing it on Thedas? But, why? That doesn’t make any sense. Mythal stood up to them, and so they killed her?
Kamikazeing the world doesn’t sound like a smart business strategy. It does not sound in line with The Evanuris’ Mission Statement.
This art from pinacoladamatata has been confirmed cannon by BioWare – this is the face the Evanuris’ Business Manager makes when he sees them making Bad Business Decisions ™
No, its fucking is not, get your head out of your ass.
Fucking GODS. The GODS YOUS GUYS
These guys wanted power. There were 7 of them, ffs. You’re telling me they all went bat shit and wanted to blight the world? To what end? What’s their Modus Operandi? This is not adding up for me.
The Evanuris used blood magic. [IMO, Ghilly created Qunari specifically to have stronger powered blood for her magic rituals. She created a whole race, to die. *What is my purpose*You Pass Butter*Oh My God* Little mix of dragon and elf and poof, Qunari Baby. But Im not getting into that, that’s not the point of this post]
And you’re telling me ALL 7 OF THEM, after they’ve: slain Ancient Dragons, won battle against the Forgotten Ones, Became Kings, Sundered Titans, Became Gods, created races for blood magic rituals, were just like, yeah let’s blight the world? Like for fun, its Tuesday and Im Bored.
Sorry, whut? No. This is not adding up. This does not make any sense to me.
So… What does make sense?
The Blight IS Bad.
Okay. How?
If Ghilly made the blight and we know that the Evanuris have used the Blight (source, Solas), lets assume they can actually control it; its not a virus or an uncontrollable bacteria, the Evanuris can control it (somehow), otherwise they risk wiping out their own amassed power.
Okay.
And Solas didn’t want them killing more people (he was already freeing their slaves), and decided to lock them up.
Okay.
But before this, Mythal did something to make them mad, and they killed her?
Okay.
But she didn’t actually die.
We know she didn’t die…
How do we know she didn’t die?
Because we saw her Blue/OGB/Navi-Wisp leave Flemeth and transfer to Solas.
And where else have we seen that before?
We see it when Kieran gives up Urthemiel to Flemythal.
Who’s Urthemiel?
Urthemiel, the Old God Dragon of Beauty, aka one of the Evanuris (Sylaise or June probably).
Urthemiel was an archdemon, a blighted-dragon, and (like Corypheus), when it was killed, the Blue/OGB/Navi-Soul got transferred into (supposed to be a Warden who would then die, taking the spirit with them, but actually its) Kieran. Who then gives it to Flemythal.
Who has THE SAME KIND OF Blue/OGB/Navi-Wisp…
BECAUSE SHE WAS BLIGHTED.
Abelas: The dread wolf had nothing to do with her murder. She was slain, if a god truly can be, betrayed by those who destroyed this temple. But the Vir’Abelasan remains, as do we. That is something.
She did not “die,” she got INFECTED WITH THE BLIGHT, and then slain, and then her Blue-Dragon-Navi-Soul moved on to another vessel.
Let’s Re-state What We KNOW
There used to be 7 Old Gods/Archdemons in the Deep Roads
There have been 5 Blights
There have been 5 Archdemons slain
There used to be 7 Evanuris in The Solas-Super-Max-Veil-Prison
Now there are 2
(TBF we don’t know for 100% Evanuris = Old Gods, but we essentially assume they are)
Let’s move into speculation territory:
How did they get out?
Well, we’ve seen Ghilly and Elgar’dad’s physical forms.
Now, I am not a zoologist, but those:
DO NOT look like dragons.
Remember:
Trespasser Solas: “They killed Mythal (chuckles), a crime for which an eternity of torment is the only fitting punishment.”
So, lets assume, that The Evanuris “killed” Mythal by infecting her with the Blight.
I think, when Solas locked the Evanuris away, he put The Blight in there with them. Not just an eternity in prison, but an eternity of torment.
What he (probably) didn’t figure, is the Blight-Body-Snatcher-Problem.
We KNOW, a creature infected with The Blight can pass their soul onto another creature infected with the Blight (Corypheus).
We KNOW, that if blood is spilled during a ritual to contact the Priso, that the blood-spiller can contact people in the prison (Golly, that sounds familiar, hey?)
Solas: Deliberately crossing the Veil requires that a spirit form will, personality. That concept of self gives a spirit the chance to maintain its nature.
“My kind has ever been driven to seek out the Old Gods. This is out nature. When we findone, a Blight begins.”
I hypothesize, the Evanuris killed (Slept? Separated from?) their physical bodies to allow their Blue Souls to re-infect an Archdemon, that was grown, supplied by an Architect, or other strange creatures we don’t know about in the deep roads. Not as nice, or as powerful a body as their Elvhen Forms, but better than being in prison.
And that is how The Blight acted as a prison break for the Evanuris.
Which brings me to the question, what happened to the other Evanuris’ Blue-Dragon-Navi-Souls once they were slain (as archdemons) and moved into Wardens (who then promptly died)?
Watch this: Dragon Age: Origins Death of the Warden in 1080p
(Its actually kinda badass)
This is the moment the Warden (No Dark Ritual Performed) stabs Archdemon #5 in the head (Photo brightened).
(This is not the moment the Archdemon dies)
THIS is the moment the archdemon dies:
[Hmm… looks like an Andruil Shaft of Light to Kill a Titan, hey?]
There is then a Giant Explosion:
We see the Wardens Body only after the fact on a funeral stone. We do not know exactly what happened to them. But Alistair, who was standing right beside them, is fine.
In my mind, the blue mist (1st picture) is the Blue-Soul Transferring, and then the explosion is the Blue-Soul actually dying, meaning it doesn’t get transferred onto another blighted creature.
BUT.
It is important to note, that in a world where the Dark Ritual was performed, where the OGB goes into Kieran, the cutscene is NOT DIFFERENT IN ANY WAY. It is THE EXACT SAME SCENE. Same pillar of light, same blue ring, same explosion. But some how THIS:
(This is a separate screenshot image from a separate video, different outcomes).
Gets turned into THIS:
SO IM GOING TO WiLdLy SpEcULaTe
That if a GIANT FUCKING RING OF EXPLODING BLUE LIGHT can be sucked into Morrigan’s Magic-Fucking-Uterus, it can be wrangled in other ways as well (… or at the very least, into another uterus).
OK. This Dark Ritual thing. Sounds like, mega weird. Powerful, strange, old magic.
Let’s refresh:
Dragon Age: Origins - Dark Ritual with Loghain and Romanced Morrigan
I offer a way out, a way out for all the Grey Wardens that there need be no sacrifice, a ritual, performed on the eve of battle, in the dark of night. It is old magic, before the circle of magi was created. Some might call it blood magic, (Solas: I abhor the use of blood magic) but that is but a name. there is far more to fear in this world than names. [Nothing is without a cost] Perhaps, but that cost might not be so unbearable, especially if there is much to be gained. All I ask is you listen to what I have to offer. What I propose is this, lay with me here tonight, and from our joining, a child will be conceived. The child will bear the taint, and when the archdemon is slain, its essence will seek the child like a beacon. At this early stage, the child can absorb that essence and not perish. The archdemon is still destroyed, with no Grey Warden dying in the process. Think about what I offer you: the chance to avoid death. Or better yet, the chance to slay the archdemon and live as a hero. No Grey Warden has ever done this. In return I conceive a child, one who will be born with the soul of an Old God. After this is done, you allow me to walk away, and you do not follow. Ever. The child will be mine to raise as I wish. [Is this why you’ve been so friendly with me] It’s… why I was sent with you by my mother.
Wait. WHAAAAAAAAT. You mean FLEMYTHAL KNOWS ABOUT THE RITUAL??? SHES THE ONE WHO TAUGHT IT TO MORRIGAN?
It’s… why I was sent with you by my mother. Its why she saved your life to begin with. Caring for you… was not part of the plan. But I cannot let what I feel interfere with what I must do. This is important to me. The fact that it may save your life makes me all the more determined to see it done. Please do not… cloud the issue. If you feel anything for me, then accept that it will make what we must do… that much easier.
So. Flemeth (Mythal), Knows How to entrap Archdemon (Evanuris) Souls (Blue-Navi’s), which are The Same People who killed Blighted her.
But… What is she DOING with them? Why aren’t they turning on her? Where are their vessels?
WHERE ARE THEY.
(Enter my lover Yavana).
Yavana is an infamous Antivan Witch of the Wilds known as the "Beast of the Tellari swamps".
Yvana Quotes:
"The blood of dragons is the blood of the world."
(to Alistair) Your heart beats with the old blood, as well. Where do you think it comes from? It sings of a time when dragons ruled the skies. A time before the Veil, before the mysteries were forgotten. Can you hear it?"
Alistair: "You and Morrigan and Flemeth...all you do is manipulate and lie."
Yavana: "That is our craft, but not our purpose. Mankind destroys without understanding, yet I preserve."
Yavana, my girl. Girlboss. What are you preserving sweetie?
Some Very-Simplified-Backstory: Marric, Alistair’s dad, was saved by Flemeth once upon a time, and was supposed to go to Yavana after his kids were grown.
Why, you ask? Well:
Now I don’t know about you, but there’s only one task I can think of that a Woman needs a Man for, and its not Knitting.
But Marric never showed. So Flemeth had to improvise, sending Morrigan…
It’s… why I was sent with you by my mother.
Now I think,
Mythal is the big bad.
Because who told Morrigan to get Urthemiel?
Flemythal.
Who’s to say she didn’t plant Yavana in Northen Thedas to collect other Dragon-Souls?
I have no proof, but I would not bet against it.
Let’s Refresh Ourselves on the History of the Blights, Shall we?
[You do not need to read all of this, I have summarized it in the image below]
A Quick, Shallow Dive Into The Blights (A Historical Record):
{[ (Some Of) The following information is only mentioned in Dragon Age Tabletop. Certain portions of this media may no longer reflect currently established lore.]}
The First Blight
The First Blight began in -395 Ancient (800 TE) and lasted nearly two centuries, the longest Blight in history.
In the course of the First Blight, Dumat was slain multiple times, to no avail - he would always return. Some people saw it as proof of his divine power. The Grey Wardens, thanks to the taint in their blood, could feel the Archdemon die and rise again, as its spirit would go on to possess the nearest tainted creature. They eventually realized that their connection to the Blight might make it possible to kill Dumat for good.
Eventually, Grey Warden scholars proposed that if Dumat were slain by a Grey Warden, due to the Wardens' subtle ties to the darkspawn, his spirit would rush into the body of the Warden that had killed it. Unlike the darkspawn, a Warden's body already has a soul, and the resulting paradox would destroy both Warden and Archdemon.
Records do not say who exactly gave up his soul to destroy Dumat, for many Wardens struggled against him, and the Archdemon's very death throes slew seven or more of them.
Archdemon Slayer: Unknown
Location: The Silent Plains are a desolate area on the southern borders of the Tevinter Imperium, with Nevarra laying further south and the Free Marches to the south-east.
The Second Blight
The Second Blight began in the Anderfels with the corruption of Zazikel, the Old God of Freedom[1] or the Dragon of Chaos, in 1:05 Divine, and lasted 90 years.[2] Both sides suffered heavy losses, but Zazikel was finally slain by the Grey Warden Corin.
Archdemon Slayer: Corin.
Location: Starkhaven is an independent and prominent city-state of the Free Marches that lies on the banks of the Minanter River.
The Third Blight
The Third Blight began when Toth, the Old God of Fire, awoke in 3:10 Towers, and the darkspawn erupted in the central lands of Thedas in greater numbers than ever before.[1]
In 3:25, the combined armies of the Grey Wardens, Tevinter and Orlais met in Hunter Fell and destroyed Toth in one of the bloodiest battles in history.
Archdemon Slayer: Unknown.
Location: Hunter Fell is a city in Nevarra. It is located along the northern shore of the Minanter river, west of Nevarra City.
The Fourth Blight
The Fourth Blight began when the Archdemon Andoral arose in 5:12 Exalted and darkspawn surfaced in the northeast and northwestern regions of Thedas. With only three Wardens left, Garahel flew his griffon into Ayesleigh narrowly avoiding the archers and the Archdemon's attacks before finally driving his blade into a wound at the base of the Archdemon's neck made by the rabid griffons, killing the beast at last.
Archdemon Slayer: Garahel.
Location: Ayesleigh is a city in western Rivain.
The Fifth Blight
(AKA Dragon Age: Origins)
The Fifth Blight occurred in 9:30 Dragon in the nation of Ferelden. The Blight's origins began with the tainting of the Old God Urthemiel during a botched experiment by the Architect to awaken it. In 9:31,[25] the darkspawn horde, led by Urthemiel himself, reached Denerim and attacked before the reinforcements from Redcliffe could arrive.
A small team led by the Warden assaulted the fortress and, despite the efforts of the darkspawn garrison to protect it, Urthemiel was slain. The Fifth Blight had ended before most of Thedas knew it had begun.
Archdemon Slayer: The Hero of Ferelden
Location: Denerim, Ferelden
Remember,
Mythal is the Big Bad.
[Please be advised that this is wild conjecture with little to no evidence to back it up]
Let’s say, that Yavana (or Flemeth or Yavana-predecessor) was around for all previous blights; the Archemon Deaths are all in Northern Thedas. She went around to all the blight-battles where the archdemon was slain, and somehow recovered their Blue-Dragon-Navi-Soul.
And is housing them (protecting them?). In Dragons? In Orbs? In something else? Maybe they’re bound to an Item, maybe they’re possessing a Body.
Now you might be thinking, OP, how are the Archdemon-Dragon-Bodies getting there? How can the Evanuris control the Blight? How did the blight escape Solas’ Veil-Super-Max? You’re making a lot of wild jumps and leaps.
And I am.
But I bid you read this.
Let me Summarize:
If your Inquisitor drinks from Mythal’s Well of Sorrows, they hear a bunch of weird, garbled audio. One of those “unintelligible whispers,” is “Mythal speaks the calling.”
What’s the Calling again?
All Grey Wardens who do not fall in battle eventually fall to something known as the Calling, a magic that preys upon our own connection to the Blight and the darkspawn. Rather than such foul magic eventually leading to my death, I have determined to find a way to negate this Calling and save all Wardens from its effects.” ―Hero of Ferelden
The Calling is how the Evanuris control the Blight.
And Mythal is the one who speaks it.
Mythal orchestrated the downfall of her peers, who were gathering power and threatening her own rule, and stole their power (Dragon-Souls) for herself. Solas was a scapegoat the whole time.
Do you agree with me? Do you disagree? Did I get something in the lore wrong? Let me know, lets talk about it! (Please, no Veilguard spoilers, TYSM).
We Will Find Out If Im Right in... 38 hours and 13 minutes.
Dareth Shiral, Dirthalen.
#dragon age#NO Vilguard Spoilers#datv#dragon age veilguard#Dragon Age Inquisition#dragon age the veilguard#da4#Mythal#Solas#The Blight#The Evanuris#Yavana#Great Dragons#Homemade Lore#Lore Dragon#Dirthalen#Seekers of Truth#Lore Hunter
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Hi
Soooo, I guess I owe you all an explanation, huh?
I’ve been struggling with my mental health for about four years now. In fact, I don’t think I’ve been okay ever since I was a child. I’m not writing an essay about my life, but to summarize: loneliness, death, self-harm, etc. Lots of fun stuff.
Stories have always been an outlet for me to express myself. Sometimes I spent days without talking to anyone and found comfort in every type of story I could consume—books, movies, video games. I started writing stories when I was a kid, but I never shared them with anyone. The fear of being rejected, of being told I wasn’t good enough, was too overwhelming for me.
I wanted to feel like I was good at something. That I had a purpose. So, I never let anyone see my stories because that way they couldn’t tell me the opposite. I still wanted to show what I created to the world, but I never had the courage.
When I found out about COG, I finally mustered the strength to do that, and even that only came six years after I started reading the stories. When I first posted on the forum, I had a panic attack. My heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to pass out, and I nearly deleted the whole story. Seeing everyone’s reactions, though, was fantastic. That’s when I told myself, “See, you are good enough.”
As time went on, however, the doubts started to resurface. This has nothing to do with criticism. The feedback was nice and very helpful. I’m grateful for the people who took their time to read and help me improve.
The whole problem is me. I’ve been seeking treatment and trying to do better, but sometimes I still have that annoying voice in my head telling me to give up on everything.
I don’t want to give up. I gave up on so many things, and if I quit the only thing that makes me get out of bed, then I don’t know what to do next. However, I don’t believe I’m in the right mental state to keep myself focused on this at the moment. So, I’m not deleting the story, the topic, or my Tumblr. For now, I’m just taking some time away. Maybe one day I’ll be back, but for now, I need to rest.
Thank you all for your kindness.
Freddy has been keeping me company. He always does.
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