#and I just want it to remain ours
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I really did try to do this in the tags but I had too much to say.
I know this conversation has been had a lot recently, but I feel like it’s so sad, because it sours all the gorgeous work we are all doing here, because let’s be honest, nobody would have the connection they have to this media or these characters without us all here making beautiful queer media that is MILES better than the original. And that gives us all this deep emotional connection to it that we wouldn’t otherwise have. Which is beautiful, except when it is lining jkrs pockets, because we are not a small group, we are definitely large enough to be considered when making new media, when buying and selling rights, when deciding what merch to sell. And then it becomes something that is not ours but our fault.
When I joined fandom I thought there were some rules, like, don’t buy and sell fanfic, don’t critique/ rate fanfic, don’t give money to jkr. And sure, individual people do all of those things all the time, but we have to agree as a community what we are going to have conversations about to keep our space safe for everyone
And listen, we all do it. We’ve all done it, but with this reboot, I feel like we can change that. We can say no, we have that power, no matter how small.
So, let’s show them that they cannot buy us with the pretty white boys, that they cannot make something even half as good as we can make ourselves. and that we have no interest in lining the pockets of someone intent on taking people’s rights away. I will be so fucking proud of us
If you are still on the fence, I will leave you with this tweet from Joanne herself, because she doesn’t care if we are making her art queer, as long as we keep paying her while we do it.
As we are all being reminded recently, art is political, and none more so than this.
"andrew and ben are up to something!" "atj played atyd he's up to something!" "calling it now, they've been cast!"
well i would hope NOT actually, marauders fans stfu about the reboot challenge
#I love you all and our community#and I just want it to remain ours#for everyone#we won’t be able to strangle her profits completely but dammit we can try#marauders fandom#hp marauders
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According to NBC here in the US, the missing titanic sub has been found. As debris. Off the bow of the Titanic wreckage.
And it looks like the sub suffered what we all suspected, and what was undoubtedly the more merciful of the two options: a catastrophic implosion from the pressure.
Also, more info has come to light about the fishing trawler with the hundreds of migrants that sank cataclysmically off the coast of Greece, indicating that the greek coast guard knew about the vessel AND how much trouble the vessel was in, and were towing it at a speed that made it capsize, at which point they unhooked the tow line and watched the trawler sink without helping the passengers to safety. Despite a bunch of other ships trying to help as well throughout the whole ordeal.
So a lot of people are dead, all because of regulations (and the lack thereof) regarding sea-faring vessels and rescue protocols. People shouldnt be allowed to make a business charging a ton of money for a ride on an uncertified, unsafe, un-seaworthy ship going deep into the ocean with no distress beacon or tether to the mothership. People also shouldnt be allowed to enact laws that criminalize the ferrying of refugees, which then force the refugees to hitch rides on fishing trawlers, and which also prevent people from helping those fishing trawlers full of refugees due to fear of legal consequences.
Hopefully BOTH of these events spark changes on an international scale in terms of what is legally allowed to be sailed, who is legally allowed to be the passengers, and what the rescue protocols are in the event of disaster for any seafaring vessel, illegal or not. It shouldnt be just the global 1% who get 24/7 search parties and remote-operated submersibles helping rescue them.
#the question of 'what do we owe to each other' can be answered simply with 'the dignity of retrieving our remains when we die'#another answer is 'the dignity of thinking about each other fellow humans with similar motivations and feelings'#also 'stopping someones potentially self-destructive behaviors just because theyre rich and want to feel special'#also i feel like humans have been sailing the seas long enough that it should be guaranteed that people will survive sea voyages#im very mad about specifically mediterranean maritime disasters because we have ancient writing saying they made it safe#sailing from Egypt to Greece was so old hat and safe that people legit took the ancient equivalent of cruises back and forth#cleopatra habitually sailed from alexandria to rome with a ton of ships and was fine#Nero tried to have his mother drowned at sea by orchestrating a dramatic shipwreck while she was our sailing AND SHE SURVIVED#and then swam to shore got back to rome and whooped his ass#fuckin pliny the elder tried to evacuate people from pompeii and the surrounding coast villages when vesuvius erupted#and he actually WAS able to rescue people#but he himself had an asthma attack from the fumes which led to a heart attack and he died on the beach#there is legit no excuse for that trawler of migrant refugees to have wrecked#negligence all around#anyway#oceangate
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HELLOOOO HAVE YOU SEEN LILIA'S DORM CARD YETTTT
personally, what made me most gleeful about the update news is that the part 2 description implies that they forgot to invite Malleus to Lilia's farewell party. god yes rub that salt into the wound, Monday can't come soon enough
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#i've been refreshing myself on part 1 and i just want to call out one of my favorite little bits#when silver is like 'w-what. you can't leave. what about our HOUSE'#and lilia just goes 'oh yeah i don't own the house. it's just some abandoned cottage i found in the woods!'#'we've technically been squatters for the last sixteen-ish years!'#lilia you're actually kind of terrible and this is why i love you#i JUST finished grinding out 800 of those stupid juices for his sunset warrior card#time to throw my crummy little handful of remaining keys into the void i guess#thank you azul for having a birthday just in the nick of time so i can get those sweet free keys
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Kristoph Gavin's black psyche-locks have remained unbroken for 17 slutty, slutty years.
#just had to look up when AJAA first came out and good god#ace attorney#kristoph gavin#i remember i once saw someone say that the only reason why people are interested in kristoph instead of other villains is bc he's pretty#and it's like no you dipshit the reason is bc he was shown to have black psyche-locks#which we were then told means a person has trauma so severe they've repressed it to the point they don't even know they have it#and then Capcom went [Tyler Cutebiker voice] never mind all that!!!#and just never brought it up ever again#(well the meaning behind the black psyche-locks came up in the next game but did Kristoph? no)#(and then the game after THAT was a shitshow so. sighs.)#anyway Kristoph was literally shown to have something more going on with him than just ''muahaha i'm evil >:)'' in canon#so that's why he's an interesting & compelling character to a lot of people#it's not OUR fault that capcom then decided to just let him rot#along with Apollo & Trucy's true parentage -- which has also remained a secret for 17 slutty slutty years#for FUCKsake Capcom when i get my fucking HANDS on you#(i will do nothing bc i don't want an assault & battery charge but i WILL scream SO loud from here in my house)
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Sweet Dreams <3
#my art#pokemon#galarian ponyta#digital art#hiiii everyone hello please look at my darling angel Amalthea. shes my partner pokemon in pokednd <3#most of our pokemon went missing so Mia (my character) took our remaining pokemon to get their pictures taken in case they go missing#i did in fact draw all three of them. am going to work on doing digital versions of the other two#its all of our partner pokemons :3 ponyta. impidimp. and mankey <3#the sketches i did for the other two are so fun i cant wait to draw them#impidimp's made my cousins all laugh so hard they almost cried#this session was so fun and we also talked afterwards about pokemon we may want on our teams in the future#and honestly my potential line up for Mia feels so good#her next pokemon she gets is very possibly going to be a bewear. absolutely out of left field choice but it works so beautifully#im also thinking good options for her would be breloom. grumpig. wyrdeer. maybe mimikyu.#grumpig and breloom are honestly the top of the list. they suit her so beautifully#wyrdeer is also really good. mimikyu would be up to roleplay#mimikyu and bewear would both play into her animal handling skill#mimikyu would also end up disguised as a sylveon#probably play that as mimikyu wanting to fit in with Mia's team since she's really nice to it and it wants her to be its trainer#bewear on the other hand would 1. work well aesthetically for her and 2. would be fantastic roleplay material what with it being a giant#aggro bear and mia is just this gentle giant who is so fucking good with pokemon so its like well.#the nice girl wants me to be nice so i wont kill you because i like her. she gives me snacks and pets me and treats me well
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ok just imagine: after the launch they post a compilation video of all the things they had to cut from videos because their relationship wasnt public yet. stuff from all the way back in the first few years they probably found on an old drive,going all the way up until stuff now, with blonde phil and a much happier dan, little comments,kisses, pet names, 'love you's, maybe even a recording of what was going to be the launch before they changed their mind and scrapped it. i think i would die.
#this is a really cute idea i had but honestly i think nowadays they wouldn't kiss or anything during filming#for the recent videos it's probably just one of them forgetting and saying an anecdote or calling the other a pet name#and then the other goes “wait stop you can't tell them that yet”#but around the start? there was absolutely at least one#obviously it isn't really our place to see these things#they are private moments between them that should remain that way if they want them to#the idea just came to me and i found it fun to think about#so i thought i would share with the group#phan#dan and phil#amazingphil#dip n pip#dan howell#danandphil
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Somehow that ongoing 1,500,000+ word The Beatles Paul McCartney x John Lennon fanfiction I read includes like the most absolute minuscule details of the Beatles lore, like tiny little things where I was like "that can't be real" but I looked it up and it was (IE a guy claiming to be Jesus Christ barging in on one of their recording sessions). But it does NOT include the apparently real group masturbation sessions
#Straight up learned so much abouyt The Beatles because like maybe 40% of that million plus word count was just like#a chronological recounting of Paul McCartneys actual life and like 30% of it is text from straight up actual real life interviews#placed into the fanfiction (except edited to confirm to the fanfic's Lore of Paul McCartney and John Lennon being life partners and#Lennon surviving his assassination and all of their love songs being about each other and Linda McCartney being Paul's#platonic bestfriend and surrogate Womb for their yaoi children)#Like I would 'fact check' out of curiosity and now I know way more about tge beatles than I ever wanted to#While the remaining 30% is the beautiful love story between Lennon and McCartney where they break up 30000 times and#also this fixation on Paul McCartney being repeatedly sexually assaulted throughout life including like a 12 chapter kidnapping arc#At one point they go to a museum and the fanfiction text has the first several sections of the wikipedia article for 'The Adoration of#the Mythic Lamb' pasted into it word for word.#The title is 'we can find our way somehow' and the author works that exact phrase into the text at least 30 times. I kept count#John and Paul would liek almost breakup and then when reuniting they'll be like 'but I know we can ALWAYS find our way somehow together'#also used 'kaleidoscope eyes' as a descriptor even more (think that counter got into the 40s) and constantly refers to erections as like#'it made his groin stir' 'his groin stirred' 'he felt a stirring in his groin'#You don't even understand. You don't understand. THe experience of reading all that. You don'tget it
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I haven't gone through most of the gamefreak leaks but I find it odd that people are going bonkers over the typhlosion thing in such a gross way bc like
1) its clearly mythos/lore? Based on concepts they decided not to lean into.
It is Not Canon / Cut Content for a reason - the reason being that was not the direction they wanted to take the series since it is very very very specifically geared towards a teen audience.
Could a teen audience have handled the themes? I would argue yes - but they disagree, and so it was cut.
2) Even if we ignore everything else implied by that story - it is literally not that different from like. Normal furries...??? Like.
The typhlosion was communicating in human speech. It was taking on a humanoid form. It clearly understood humanoid needs and ties and emotions.
The ending directly said that the lesson they learned was that Typhlosion are more humanoid than initially suspected. This is leaning more into the "monster" / yokai aspect of pokemon that has Always been there.
3) These themes are really common in real world mythology in pretty much all places in the world, and they are typically used as teaching moments to warn (in this case...) Young Girls from wandering into the woods alone, lest a predator Of Some Kind take advantage of their isolation.
Another thing I find fascinating is that they didn't really do Away with some of these concepts - they just moved it onto Zoroark (and other pokemon) instead. Many canon pokemon still behave this way, just sith the more adult or worrying themes omitted.
From what I've seen and experienced with Pokemon growing up, there's always been the backbones of something darker and more "grimms tales" underneath. I just don't understand the Disgust and Surprise when realistically, the world has always had a pretty strong undercurrent and ties to Yokai, Demonology, Religion and Monsters - the notion that SOME lean more humanoid than others is the very reason we have a humanoid egg group to begin with, and why ditto, mew two, etc exist.
Also. Like. I get wishing we had more of those dark themes in the games. But us adults who grew up on Pokemon haaavvvree to remember that despite growing up and still loving the game series, us adults...are not their target demographic. At least we DEFINITELY weren't at the time mush of the Typhlosion stuff was being written. Whether we think thats stupid or not doesn't change that.
The changes they made are a direct result of going "okay guys maybe this is a little too much for 10 to 14 year olds..." And that's their narrative choices to make.
#pokemon#game freak#gamefreak leaks#idk nothing I've seen so far is wretchedly scandalous its just. really familiar in the this is clearly mythology sense#some things surely didnt need cutting but people are being weird about A Lot Of It#and its gross! im gonna be so real. its gross.#pokemon and human relationships have pretty much ALWAYS been lowkey referenced to in the series#if not in the games then in the anime. the manga. etc.#its one of those things they dont directly address out loud but you know is still even now part of the Lore#bc pokemon aren't animals. they aren't just pets. they are Monsters#they occupy a different sort of relationship dynamic and class than animals do in our world and game freak has to try and NAVIGATE that#which is admittedly a very weird grey area to be in!#the cut content is representative of the choices they've made to lean away from the human/pokemon connection in thst way and that's just...#like. smart. and kind of mandatory if they want their audience to remain tethered to a younger scope#now setting all that aside I do wish they would make a grimdark sort of game for their older audience#but a lot of the leaks afaik are from and for games from the early 2000s??? so the choices there make sense.
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how come I love leading class and reading groups and small groups and lectures and conference papers and book clubs
and I HATE leading Women's Bible Study
#the actual leading is i guess fine although i STRUGGLE to actually lead#because they're all older than me and kind of friends and confident#and entirely unused to being steered and led so they just take off chatting and comforting each other#and mostly want to talk about their lives way more than about the topic#also our discussion guide is quite meh#but even worse I think is the texting all week long#i don't want to be constantly getting texts! noise! distraction! everyone checking in about everything!#and i recognize that it's a beautiful support in many ways and stay at home moms are lonely#but also. i can't do ANYTHING without that text thread popping up#feels like there's absolutely no boundaries#and they all have problems they always want to talk about#and this year not only do i have most of my previous women with problems i also have one with some really major issues#that i haven't dealt with personally and i need a lot of wisdom and care in leading her well#i need to change my tires! i need to be able to read on my phone and not be constantly reminded of the people i'm helping!#the only way i've remained stable this long in life is by keeping problems in separate spaces!#sigh. and with that i will go do yoga and get immersed in a conference paper#and not think about problems#(can you tell the time of women approaches me)
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KILL!!!!!!!!!
#my post#this is so mean. why did i make this#but also....... the gun is in your hands now#i'll admit that it's my fault for putting the gun in your hand... however i've no say in what you choose to do with it#will you pull the trigger and accept whatever happens from now on? will you give yourself into the role forced upon you?#no one will know anything if you don't say anything. there will be no consequences or repercussions to this choice#but you will know. and you will need to live with that knowledge for the rest of your life#a gun not fired is like an itch not stratched#in the end i have no control over what you do... but free will is a funny thing#the brain is very susceptible to suggestion... everything we see and experience will remain with us in some way#if that's the case then how much control do we really have in our lives? how do we separate what we really want vs what we're told to want?#things like hunger... desire... they're all things the body asks for. but are they things that we truly want?#or are they merely a mechanism built into us for the sake of survival?#everything blends into everything. your past actions will inform your current actions. you're the only one who's ever lived your life#you're the only one who will ever live your life#little variables and experiences we all share... but the order varies greatly from person to person. everything is just a series of events#the way i see the world is different than the way you see it regardless of how similar they are#what choice will you make now? and how does it differ from the choice you would've made a week ago? a month? a year? does it differ at all?#does free will truly exist? i think it does... but not in the way most people think it exists#you and i... we might differ on that thought. or we might not.#regardless of whatever i've been rambling about right now... refusing to make a choice is still a choice you make. life is ironic like that#does one of them really have to go? that's for you to decide now#i've merely chosen to put the gun in your hand. to make you aware of the possibilities#so i hope you realize what power your choices have#dca fandom#daycare attendant#yeah sometimes i just say things that i think are deep but they're really not#i hope the choices i make have an effect on others. even if it's just one person...#if i can make even just one person think about something they wouldn't have normally thought about then isn't that a win?#life is a series of choices... ''it'd be great if you could see a figure of light by the time you die'' ♡
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I used to like saying "gender is a social construct," but I stopped saying that because people didn't tend to react well - they thought that I was saying gender wasn't real, or didn't matter, or could be safely ignored without consequences. Which has always baffled me a bit as an interpretation, honestly, because many things are social constructs - like money, school, and the police - and they certainly have profound effects on your life whether or not you believe in them. And they sure don't go away if you ignore them.
Anyway. What I've taken to saying instead is, "gender is a cultural practice." This gives more of a sense of respect for the significance gender holds to many people. And it also opens the door to another couple layers of analysis.
Gender is cultural. It is not globally or historically homogeneous. It shifts over time, develops differently in different communities, and can be influenced by cross-cultural contact. Like many, many aspects of culture, the current status of gender is dramatically influenced by colonialism. Colonial gender norms are shaped by the hierarchical structure of imperialist society, and enforced onto colonized cultures as part of the project of imperial cultural hedgemony.
Gender is practiced. What constitutes a gender includes affects and behaviors, jobs or areas of work, skillsets, clothing, collective and individual practices of gender affiliation and affirmation. Any or all of these things, in any combination, depending on the gender, the culture, and the practitioner.
Gender encompasses shared cultural archetypes. These can include specific figures - gods and goddesses, mythic or fictional characters, etc - or they can be more abstract or general. The Wise Woman, Robin Hood, the Dyke, the Working Man, the Plucky Heroine, the Effete Gay Man, etc etc. The range of archetypes does not circumscribe a given gender, that is, they're not all there is to gender. But they provide frameworks and reference points by which people relate to gender. They may be guides for ways to inhabit or practice a gender. They may be stereotypes through which the gendered behavior of others is viewed.
Gender as a framework can be changed. Because it is created collectively, by shared acknowledgement and enforcement by members of society. Various movements have made significant shifts in how gender is structured at various times and places. The impact of these shifts has been widely variable - for example, depending on what city I'm in, even within my (fairly culturally homogeneous) home country, the way I am gendered and reacted to changes dramatically. Looping back to point one, we often speak of gender in very broad terms that obscure significant variability which exists on many scales.
Gender is structured recursively. This can be seen in the archetypes mentioned above, which range from extremely general (say, the Mother) to highly specific (the PTA Soccer Mom). Even people who claim to acknowledge only two genders will have many concepts of gendered-ways-of-being within each of them, which they may view and react to VERY differently.
Gender is experienced as an external cultural force. It cannot be opted out of, any more than living in a society can be opted out of. Regardless of the internal experience of gender, the external experience is also present. Operating within the shared cultural understanding of gender, one can aim to express a certain practice of gender - to make legible to other people how it is you interface with gender. This is always somewhat of a two-way process of communication. Other people may or may not perceive what you're going for - and they may or may not respect it. They may try to bring your expressed gender into alignment with a gender they know, or they might parcel you off into your own little box.
Gender is normative. Within the structure of the "cultural mainstream," there are allowable ways to practice gender. Any gendered behavior is considered relative to these standards. What behavior is allowed, rewarded, punished, or shunned is determined relative to what is gender normative for your perceived gender. Failure to have a clearly perceivable gender is also, generally, punished. So is having a perceivable gender which is in itself not normative.
Gender is taught by a combination of narratives, punishments, and encouragements. This teaching process is directed most strongly towards children but continues throughout adulthood. Practice of normatively-gendered behaviors and alignment with 'appropriate' archetypes is affirmed, encouraged, and rewarded. Likewise 'other'- gendered behavior and affinity to archetypes is scolded, punished, or shunned. This teaching process is inherently coercive, as social acceptance/rejection is a powerful force. However it can't be likened to programming, everyone experiences and reacts to it differently. Also, this process teaches the cultural roles and practices of both (normative) genders, even as it attempts to force conformity to only one.
Gender regulates access to certain levers of social power. This one is complicated by the fact that access to levers of social power is also affected by *many* other things, most notably race, class, and citizenship. I am not going to attempt to describe this in any general terms, I'm not equipped for that. I'll give a few examples to explain what I'm talking about though. (1) In a social situation, a man is able to imply authority, which is implicitly backed by his ability to intimidate by yelling, looming, or threatening physical violence. How much authority he is perceived to have in response to this display is a function of his race and class. It is also modified by how strongly he appears to conform to a masculine ideal. Whether or not he will receive social backlash for this behavior (as a separate consideration to how effective it will be) is again a function of race/class/other forms of social standing. (2) In a social situation, a woman is able to invoke moral judgment, and attempt to modify the behavior of others by shame. The strength of her perceived moral authority depends not just on her conformity to ideal womanhood, but especially on if she can invoke certain archetypes - such as an Innocent, a Mother, or better yet a Grandmother. Whether her moral authority is considered a relevant consideration to influence the behavior of others (vs whether she will be belittled or ignored) strongly depends on her relative social standing to those she is addressing, on basis of gender/race/class/other.
[Again, these examples are *not* meant to be exhaustive, nor to pass judgment on employing any social power in any situation. Only to illustrate what "gendered access to social power" might mean. And to illustrate that types of power are not uniform and may play out according to complex factors.]
Gender is not based in physical traits, but physical traits are ascribed gendered value. Earlier, I described gender as practiced, citing almost entirely things a person can do or change. And I firmly believe this is the core of gender as it exists culturally - and not just aspirationally. After the moment when a gender is "assigned" based on infant physical characteristics, they are raised into that gender regardless of the physical traits they go on to develop (in most circumstances, and unless/until they denounce that gender.) The range of physical traits like height, facial shape, body hair, ability to put on muscle mass - is distributed so that there is complete overlap between the range of possible traits for people assigned male and people assigned female. Much is made of slight trends in things that are "more common" for one binary sex or the other, but it's statistically quite minor once you get over selection bias. However, these traits are ascribed gendered connotations, often extremely strongly so. As such, the experience of presented and perceived gender is strongly effected by physical traits. The practice of gender therefore naturally expands to include modification of physical traits. Meanwhile, the social movements to change how gender is constructed can include pushing to decrease or change the gendered association of physical traits - although this does not seem to consistently be a priority.
Gender roles are related to the hypothetical ability to bear children, but more obliquely than is often claimed. It is popular to say that the types of work considered feminine derive from things it is possible to do while pregnant or tending small children. However, research on the broader span of human history does not hold this up. It may be true of the cultures that gave immediate rise to the colonial gender roles we are familiar with - secondary to the fact that childcare was designated as women's work. (Which it does not have to be, even a nursing infant doesn't need to be with the person who feeds it 24 hours a day.) More directly, gender roles have been influenced by structures of social control aiming for reproductive control. In the direct precursors of colonial society, attempts to track paternal lineage led to extreme degrees of social control over women, which we still see reflected in normative gender today. Many struggles for women's liberation have attempted to push back these forms of social control. It is my firm opinion that any attempt to re-emphasize childbearing as a touchstone of womanhood is frankly sick. We are at a time where solidarity in struggle for gender liberation, and for reproductive rights, is crucial. We need to cast off shackles of control in both fights. Trying to tie childbearing back to womanhood hobbles both fights and demeans us all.
Gender is baked deeply enough into our culture that it is unlikely to ever go away. Many people feel strongly about the practice of gender, in one way or another, and would not want it to. However we have the power to change how gender is structured and enforced. We can push open the doors of what is allowable, and reduce the pain of social punishment and isolation. We can dismantle another of the tools of colonial hedgemony and social control. We can change the culture!
#Gender theory#I have gotten so sick of seeing posts about gender dynamics that have no robust framework of what gender IS#so here's a fucking. manifesto. apparently.#I've spent so long chewing on these thoughts that some of this feels like. it must be obvious and not worth saying.#but apparently these are not perspectives that are really out in the conversation?#Most of this derives from a lot of conversations I've had in person. With people of varying gender experiences.#A particular shoutout to the young woman I met doing collaborative fish research with an indigenous nation#(which feels rude to name without asking so I won't)#who was really excited to talk gender with me because she'd read about nonbinary identity but I was the first nb person she'd met#And her perspective on the cultural construction of gender helped put so many things together for me.#I remember she described her tribe's construction of gender as having been put through a cookie cutter of colonial sexism#And how she knew it had been a whole nuanced construction but what remained was really. Sexist. In ways that frustrated her.#And yet she understood why people held on to it because how could you stand to loose what was left?#And how she wanted to see her tribe be able to move forward and overcome sexism while maintaining their traditional practices in new ways#As a living culture is able to.#Also many other trans people of many different experiences over the years.#And a handful of people who were involved in the various feminist movements of the past century when they had teeth#Which we need to have again.#I hate how toothless gender discourse has become.#We're all just gnawing at our infighting while the overall society goes wildly to shit#I was really trying to lay out descriptive theory here without getting into My Opinions but they got in there the last few bullet points#I might make some follow up posts with some of my slightly more sideways takes#But I did want to keep this one to. Things I feel really solidly on.
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hands on my knees screaming crying thowing up FINALLY WE GOT THE STORY WE DESERVE
#the way my heart dropped when i saw megumi on the first page#IT'S HIM IT'S REALLY HIM!!!!!#megumi really said to yuuji if our lives aren't the ones we have right now if it's just as normal as the average person#i still would've wanted you there#seeing you walk side by side with my sister and probably hang out over some drinks then i'd still be happy with that#and yuuji prolly thinking that could have been fun too but he's been feeling lonely because megumi's not there with him#HHHHHNNNNNGGGG this series is going to end me one day#jujutsu kaisen#jjk 266#jjk spoilers#also what's up with that finger at the end i thought the remaining finger sukuna hasn't eaten yet was with yuuta?
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i love my sister and for the most part, we are very close and genuinely like each other a lot but the one place where i'd just really, really, really like to see inside her brain is the part where she is still incredibly comfortable and cheerful—and even thinks it's really funny—talking about how much she didn't like me as a child while I'm like. yes. I am and was aware. and it sucked so so so much
#we had a really wild moment over dinner last week where she actually acknowledged#EXPLICITLY with her OWN WORDS#that things like our brother dying right when i was going into my senior yr of high school#and covid lockdown starting right when i'd graduated college + moved to a new city where i knew no one except her + was applying/auditionin#for jobs#were harder on me than one her in some unique ways#and i was literally like . is. is this a test? am i supposed to deny it?#bc like when our brother died she told me i was a selfish brat (for not grieving the way she did)#and during covid she told me (right after i got laid off) that she had ''way more reasons to be depressed'' than i did#personal#anyway she was laughing so much as she said this (abt not liking me) and i was just staring at her nodding slightly like#yeah. i know. i know you didn't like me#do YOU know how much it sucks to know that your older sister--whom you idolize--who you *desperately* want to like you--#not only doesn't like you at all#but even up into high school/college#would talk about how she couldn't wait till our LITTLE (five year old) cousins were old enough to hang because they'd be so much fun#and know that she had absolutely never thought or said that about you#do you perhaps! think that might still have ramifications on our relationship to this day#if your little sister spent 20+ years knowing that your love was conditional on them being the person you wanted her to be#like. do u???#(the answer is no of course but#i remain boggled by the fact that this eludes her considering she is! in fact! a really smart person!)#it's also like when i was first offered my current job#and our now bosses asked both of us like ''are you worried at all about working with your sister?''#and she laughed like lol no of course not?#while i was like ''honestly yes.'' adskjfglkjasds#very different perspectives sometimes
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tbh when mitski said “you’re my best friend/now i’ve no one to tell/how i lost my best friend”
#my freshman year of college my best friend and I were both a wreck#and on opposite sides of the country#during winter break I made the decision to share certain information with their parents bc I was actively concerned for their safety#they were deeply upset about me betraying their trust like that and asked for a break in our friendship#(a few months later (which happened to be early March 2020. lol) they did shrooms and realized they wanted to talk to me again lmao)#(so we talked and cried and now we’re still best friends almost 4 years later)#and my birthday is in january so it fell right in the middle of the period we weren’t talking#and my friends at school actually put together a really lovely party and it remains to this day the best bday party ive had#(most of my bdays have been sad and shitty lol)#but i just remember being drunk in my friends dorm room with my friends all around me#it was the end of the night people were just kinda chatting in little groups or whatever#and i was lying on my friends bed just miserable bc all I could think about was how my best friend was supposed to be there too#bc my parents were going to fly them out for the weekend as a present#and obviously that just got dropped#and id been talking to my friends about it kind of but all I wanted was my actual best friend#I left them a very embarrassing drunk voicemail that THANK GOD they deleted without listening to#but it’s just. the quiet agony of being angry and sad and hurt because your person doesn’t want to be ur person anymore#and still wanting to talk to them about it. still needing them to comfort you and give you their advice and insights#i don’t want to talk to anyone else about it. they’re not you.#sigh. anyway. ive actually lost several close friends for various reasons ranging from reasonable to bullshit#and it always blindsides me how much I want to talk to THEM about it#so thanks mitski for expressing that so artfully#op
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I personally believe that Awdry's original intention was to make "the fat director" a character who was somewhat out of touch with the railway world, and that the Hatt depicted in 3 railway engines who's "doctor has forbidden him to pull/push" and abandons Henry is very different from the Hatt who drives percy to his new home and puts on coveralls to test drive Henry and see his problems for himself. It would almost seem like character development if it weren't for the fact that we know that the latter Hatt is Swindon trained. And, of course, even in book 2 he seems to be much more involved in actual on the ground operations.
Oh yeah, yeah! 'Out-of-touch dumbass' is 100% what "the fat director" was for Awdry originally. The shenanigans in "The Sad Story of Henry" are fully in line with the kinda stories Awdry liked to write — you see it all again in The Little People — he really does just like to make up some guys, put them in situations, and have them ineffectually try to idiot their way out of things (and make an even more bizarre situation in the process).
Actually so based of him to be like, "This is a book about trains. Trains are great. They're big and stupid and emotional, but great. The guys who run the trains are cool too. Btw kids, you know who on a railway sucks? The directors." Wilbert A., in that moment you were kind of an icon.
The anti-fat and ableist tropes ('he's making it up, he doesn't need accommodations, he's just too lazy to try and pull a train') are not so chill but I do love this anti-top-hat energy he was bringing to the table in the early game.
The publishers were honestly right to make Awdry bring all three engines onto the same railway and to make a happy ending for the stories... but, Fat-Director-wise, the result is hilarious. I don't think "some people be hardasses sometimes," even "some of these hardasses are useless themselves but still have the power to destroy your life and they will use it without thinking twice," is nearly as off-color a message in a kid's story book as "and sometimes that terrifying hardass is just this nice, kindly, fair paternal figure :) who was justly pissed off at you for your ignorance :) but who will be nice to you later :) and you should be grateful to them really :)" Such is almost always the way with clumsy attempts to sanitize — the result is worse.
Book 2: "The terrifyingly clueless hardass is your enginesona's dad now, kiddos! :)"
To be fair, I don't think it's certain that Hatt's Swindon training guarantees he'd be any nicer — we don't know that — though it is undoubtedly weird that "the Great Western way," with all its implied efficiency, would result in an apprentice who grows up to brick up a gauntletted line and bore a new tunnel rather than just get a few engines to drag Henry somewhere out of everyone's way before abandoning him. The stupidity of it is harder to explain by "he undergoes some character development :)" But the dropped over-the-top harshness could be explained that way.
Anyway it would be so cool if someone rewrote the RWS but with the Fat Director/Controller maintaining his original characterisation. I just want to see what that would look like.
#the railway series#chatter#the fat controller#just fc1 things#... also kinda want to know what the RWS would have been like if it remained 'crazy-ass stories i develop for my kids based on our models'#like sure crazyman you can keep that big green scaredycat in his tunnel of misery#what else ya got#where were you planning on going before your publishers imposed sanity and coherence on your imagination#(coz i'm sure that as they played trains he would have come up with more stories even if he wasn't writing them for anyone but christopher)#(how screwed up would they have all been)#let him cook
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Honest question, what the fuck is going on with Buttons this season??
#ofmd#ofmd spoilers#our flag means death#like is he just... gone now??#no more ewan?#will he return to help in the final showdown of the season?#are we losing crewmates like flies?#first ivan then the swede and now buttons?#how much am i expected to take David? im only human#half expecting them to find buttons roaming the woods at some point#and that the seagull ed saw was just a coincidence#but also. knowing this show its just genuinely true that hes a sea witch who became a seagull#to be with his beloved sea#so many questions#whether i actually want or need the answers... remains to be seen#buttons ofmd#nathaniel buttons
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