#and I just don't feel the spark
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Why does Harvey have such a good chemistry with Astarion
why
he was supposed to romance Shadowheart and this elf came out of the left field
he's not even into dudes (though admittedly Astarion is like his own separate category 😭)
#don't mind me#bg 3 rant#booze+thinking you're gonna be squid in a day or two does weird things to people#Harvey said yes to spending the night during the Act 1 celebration#i made a save in case i wanted to walk it back#but it didn't feel wrong#i'm so confused#i blame it on the 'opposites attract' trope#sigh#i think there will be a possibility to make it a bromance at some point#but i don't know#again I'm so fucking confused#there is like a venn diagram of these two idiots overlapping#both are hunters of sorts and they recognize that#both are about survival though Harv is considerably less likely to go into morally grey territory#and similarities end after that#Harv had started a romance with Shadowheart already anyways#but these two are tonally very similar#and I just don't feel the spark#i mean this is my little fantasy and I can do what I want#but I'm SO CONFUSED RN 🤣
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what happened to your twitter? It says it doesn't exist anymore :(
#i just don't like it there#mod speaks#i kind of am making a move this year to cut things out of my life that don't spark joy. and twitter is one of them.#man it feels good to get rid of things you don't need! spring cleaning all up in this b
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I've seen the last '"g-d made you perfect" that I can handle, and it's led me to a realization about how I think of g-d.
I don't think we were made perfect. We were made human. And, if I'm honest, the only perfection in my mind is g-d, and that sense of perfection is what differentiates humans from g-d. If humans were as perfectly-made as g-d, I for one wouldn't see the point in following, believing, trusting, caring for, or loving g-d.
I guess for me, I see the ways in which humans alter the Way We Were Created that I really don't think it's right to speculate as to if there's a limit to altering our abilities or bodies. For instance, as a trans person, I've definitely been inundated with this idea that because g-d made my body "perfect" that I shouldn't alter it ever, but isn't that a dangerous precedent? Is it really so, that our bodies are magically made perfect, as g-d that to even tamper with the idea of change would be the same as cursing g-d? I really don't think that's compelling.
I love thinking about just how much g-d is placed into people, but I don't think it warrants restricting the ability to learn, create, grow, or change. Thank g-d that He created the ability to change!
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#you don't want to know what sparked this (lighthearted)#i just get very angsty still reading 'but g-d made you PERFECT 😢' because it is never about g-d it's about one's feelings#but it is compelling to think... wait but ARE we made perfect#it's a fair question to ask i think#and this might be a messy post. it's almost 03:00 and i have class and i'm feeling angsty#i have such a bad habit of saying 'dont ask me what sparked this' and then elaborating even when Nobody Asked#and that's because i think it's hilarious#so i'm going to force myself to just let it go and make this post even if it's messy#like a middle school friendship my relationship with g-d is messy and complex and nuanced and kind of petty sometimes#what does g-d expect from man? i'm sure He was well aware of what i am Like
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Hi people, I'm a bit fed up rn so just a short reminder that authors can see what you write in your bookmarks on AO3
And like I've recently been struggling with writing more than usual and had a bit of a dry-up in comments (which happens, fair enough, you don't have to like my fics enough to comment, etc) so I looked into the stats and bookmarks to cheer myself up/fight the imposter syndrome and had just been met with two separate users using their bookmark notes to not only rant about how horrible and not up to their standard my fic was, but also, in one case, to make some 'subtle' transphobic remarks about me, the author.
Both users are now blocked on my AO3 but if you're using bookmarks to rank your fics and didn't like something, please at least have the decency to make it a private bookmark if you're ranting about someone's writing skills or plot or just plain calling their fic stupid and bad
I've seen users putting fics (mine and other's) in bookmark collections called 'absolutely nope' or '0/10' or whatever, which is not nice but tolerable but recently I think people are getting a little too comfortable about being negative in a space that never asked them to be
Like most people, I write fic either for fun or as a form of self-indulgent expression and I share it because I think someone might also enjoy it or appreciate it. So many authors struggle with motivation as it is and I'm not an exception - yes, I write fics for myself primarily but I wouldn't be posting or writing them down if it was just for me, they could just stay as daydreams in my head and spare me the frustration the writing process and notes like the ones I've just mentioned bring.
To put it shortly, please remember AO3 authors can see your bookmarks and the notes/collections you use (unless you make them private) and that AO3 authors are human beings not souless content creators
#i feel like people will take this post the wrong way and call me a blackmailer or a censor or attention seeker#but i just haven't been having that much joy from posting fic lately#literally some of my works are sitting with a few paragraphs left because posting updates doesn't spark joy and i don't have the motivation#gonna tag it about fics i have seen it in on my profiles#but like it goes out to the general public of ao3 readers#ao3#ao3 fanfic#fanfic#fanfiction#hangster#buddie#tgm#911 abc#delete later??
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Click for full res! 💔
Though my canon Hawke sides with Anders 100% of the time without regrets, I can't help but feel a little bad Sebastian in that scenario (barring what he does in DAI).
To quote what I've already said about it before: Sebastian had experienced so much tragedy, loss, and rejection as it was. However, in his darkest hour (having lost his family) he found someone who he thought understood his position and pain and wanted to help him set things straight when he thought no one else would.
Then, when what little he had left (the Chantry and the family he found there) was taken from him again, he turned to the one person who seemed to have understood his loss and desire for vengeance before, who he assumed he could count on to understand his pain and stand beside him again. His friend...
That person, sadly, sided with the culprit without hesitation or second thought. He never saw things the way Sebastian did...
#dragon age#dragon age 2#sebastian vael#anders#hawke#handers#please don't post any Anders-negative stuff on this post I am 100% pro-Anders/Anders positive! I just like the Seb pov angst :')#thank you to the person who randomly liked my old post on the matter. you sparked my feelings about it again lol#i linked said old post for reference!#jun art
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i've been feeling sick for the past few days, i needed to draw kurokara to heal me.
#thankfully it's not covid ( i think it's mostly just a sinus infection ) but man i feel like life is kicking me around like a football rn#anyways i don't want to get too down in the tags rn aaa#kurokara save meeee#i tweaked how i draw kara in my regular style slightly#the-orion-inexperience made me see the light and realize how good kara looks w/ a mullet#also yes the posing for the first drawing was inspired by the '' twink aboutta pounce '' meme i thought it would be funny#i think one of kuroba's favorite traits of kara's is his voice they find it soothing to listen to#oso finds this out and is kinda shocked like you /LIKE/ listening to him talk?? REALLY??#he's like '' man maybe totty was right about you being a little crazy haha '' <- this is what sparks kuroba and totty's beef w/ each other#osmt#yumematsu#karamatsu#mj ocs#oc : kuroba#ship : kurokara#mj draws
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The Book: Everything We Know So Far and Possible Connections
The Book's lore is driving me crazy and I had to write this. This isn't meant to be a solid cohesive theory on anything but I wanted to compile everything we know about the Book, some rather disturbing implications of what that might mean, and which characters may or may not have a connection to it, as well as what that connection might be.
This is a long post, so I've bolded the key info. You can skim those if you don't want to go through everything. :)
***Major spoilers for BSD and for Beast!***
Main Series Information:
The first mentions of the Book occur in Chapter 28, when Fitzgerald tells Atsushi that the Guild's goal is to locate it. He tells Atsushi that only one copy of this book exists, and that neither flames nor abilities can damage it.
Fitzgerald claims he knows the Book is there because a prophet ability user foresaw that it had been sealed within Yokohama. When Atsushi asks what the relation is between him and the Book, Fitzgerald says that Atsushi is the guide to the Book.
In Chapter 35, Fitzgerald states that his goal is to use the Book to bring his daughter back to life.
The next mention is in Chapter 46, when Dazai talks to Fyodor in the alley. Dazai mentions that since Fyodor and the Rats don't have the firepower to burn down Yokohama, he instead needs to exterminate Yokohama's ability users to get to the Book, hence the cannibalism strategy.
Dazai says the true Book is a single novel with blank pages where anything written becomes the truth. Fyodor wishes to use it to make a world without the sin of ability users. Dazai says basically "good luck with that dude" lol. (Actually the line is "Give that a go, if you can, that is." which... might be significant?)
Chapter 58: Taneda dumps a lot of info on Ranpo. His assailant, who we know to be Sigma, stole a page from him, a single page removed from the Book in order to study it. The page has exactly the same capacity to make anything written become reality, it just has limited space to write. However, the Book has a restriction: it requires karmic/narrative consistency.
In Chapter 58.5, Mykola's speech about cages and the freedom of birds is ironically dictated word for word by a mysterious author. The translator note on the unofficial version I'm reading says the mysterious author is using imperfect Japanese with lots of katakana - I cannot confirm this myself, but it has interesting implications on our mystery author's identity if true. The page is used to position the Agency as the terrorists in the white hoods and frame them.
Chapter 59: Ranpo believes the Book was not made by an ability user but by something far greater than that. His proof is that unlike Mushitarou's ability, which can also alter reality, the people affected by the Book also have new memories to fit the alteration to the events. The Agency members remember committing the crime, even though they know they didn't.
In Chapter 70, Mushitarou reveals the DoA plans to use the other side of the page to eliminate the country at the next full moon. I am curious as to the significance of the full moon, given the moon's frequent recurrence in the series and Atsushi's ability connection to it. Chapter 74.5 establishes that the Sky Casino, with its 13 year history, was created 8 days ago when the page was written on, as a base for the next stage and also to "repay" Sigma for the use of his ability to retrieve it. In Chapter 75, Fyodor claims that Sigma, too, was written into existence via the Book 3 years ago - he has no memories before this point.
Chapter 77: the page was written with a condition that no police or law enforcement would believe in the Agency's innocence. However, Tachihara broke through that condition by reaffirming his identity as a member of the Mafia, which (metaphorically) tears the page.
Later references don't tell us too much more but I'll summarize them regardless. Kamui/Fukuchi has the page, which Atsushi knows from Sigma's info. Ranpo made an appeal to the police, explaining that the Agency was framed and the page preventing them from seeing the truth, and half the force sees the truth for themselves, breaking through the page's condition. Ranpo believed the direct opposition to the page's restrictions might sway Fukuchi into believing them (unfortunately, we don't know if this was right, as Fukuchi was not affected in the first place, being Kamui himself). And that's what we have so far.
Disturbing Implication #1: The Special Division knows/knew the location of the Book.
Taneda mentions that a page from the Book was taken to study. This implies that at one point, the Special Division had the Book or knew of its location. The higher ups may still know where it is. There are a few potential timelines here: the first is that the page was removed many, many years earlier, perhaps during the war, and the second is that the page was removed and tested 3 years ago, and Sigma resulted from these trials.
Disturbing Implication #2: Ranpo says the Book was created by something greater.
Something greater than ability users. I suspect this may be something outside their world. At this stage, it seems very likely this "greater entity" is an author - the author of the world we read about (it's Asagiri omg). An author, to the world they write, is akin to a god. I'm kind of joking about the Asagiri thing, but the "author" of the Book is likely someone/something that exists beyond the scope of the world of BSD.
Contradiction: The Book cannot be damaged by flame or ability, but pages can be torn out of it? How?
Beast Information:
Oh boy. Where to even start?
Beast Dazai states that the Book is the origin of the main universe's world, and it contains an infinite number of parallel worlds within it.
"What you write becomes a reality" is actually a misnomer. Writing in the Book calls a parallel world that aligns with what is written directly from the Book. This parallel world will then trade places with the real world.
There is a single physical reality, and infinite possible worlds. The Beast universe exists within the Book, as a possible world.
A version of the Book exists in the Beast universe. However, this Beast version of the Book is more of a weakness. Orders from the real world can overwrite Beast. And anyone who tries to write in Beast's Book will make Beast cease to exist.
Beast Dazai jumps at the end of Beast. This is because if more than 3 people know the truth about the Book, the world will destabilize - it may even disappear without Beast's Book being written in.
Beast Dazai created a singularity using his ability. It's not explained how he did this, but it has something to do with his nullification. He did this to read the memories of real-world/original Dazai - the Dazai who exists outside the Book. (It seems all but given that this is Dazai from the main timeline.)
Though the above conflicts with some of what we know in the main manga, we can take it as fact, I think. The narration is heavy on emphasizing that Beast Dazai is telling no lies in this scene.
Disturbing Implication #3: Any alterations are not inventions but transferrals, which means these events actually occurred in another universe.
This means that the Agency really were the DoA terrorists in a parallel world and they did carry out the plan. They really did take the hostages in this world. Tanizaki really did push the button. This would explain their memories. The caveat of no one in law enforcement believing them might make sense too - they're actually criminals in that world, so they would have no reason to believe them. "Trading places" also implies that the terrorist Agency universe has the terrorists trying to save the hostages like the Agency originally planned to do (potentially).
Sigma is an interesting case. If he really was written into existence from the Book, then he was called from another parallel world - literally displaced from his home. His amnesia likely occurred in that parallel world too.
Disturbing Implication #4: The parallel worlds are more fragile than the main world of BSD.
There is something different about our main universe. The Book that originates here is the real deal. But Beast's (and all the Books from different parallel worlds) leave them vulnerable. These worlds can be destroyed at any time if anyone tries to write in these Books. Only a select number of people can know how it really works before it starts to destabilize. What's more, at any point, someone could write in the real-world's Book and overwrite it entirely, and there would be nothing that any of the people within that world could do about it. And Beast Akutagawa, thinking back on the events of the story, comes to the conclusion that even though his world is "but a shadow", the desires, feelings and actions of the people within it make those people no less real than those in the original.
Beast is a goddamn existential horror.
Character Connections
Now, onto the characters who are known to have some kind of connection to the Book.
Fitzgerald wanted the Book in the Guild arc to bring back his daughter. While this is the first mention of it, given that he got his info from clearly secondhand sources (the prophet ability user or Fyodor, most likely), I don't think he has any sort of deeper understanding of it, nor a more personal connection. Ranpo seems to be figuring out the Book's logistics rather quickly, but I expect nothing less from the greatest detective, and he doesn't have a strong personal connection I can see as of yet. As for Fukuchi, whatever knowledge he gained 36 years ago might be connected... but again, I have nothing else to say on this front, considering we have little else on this (I'm actually more inclined to think it has to do with the war - which may tie in with the Book, but not necessarily). I would also be very surprised if Mori doesn't know something but I have no real evidence for this other than that the man is suspicious as hell. Then again, there's also Tokoyami Island, which "appeared" seemingly out of nowhere and is where Yosano's backstory took place and Fukuchi headed after his argument with Fukuzawa. It seems possible, if not likely, that it was created with the Book. So, let's go over some characters who we actually can expand on a little.
Taneda
Not much to say here other than what kind of research was being done with the Book? Given that Taneda had the page on him, was he the one responsible for the research being conducted on it, or was he just involved?
What kind of research was being done with the page? How were they testing it? The page was blank, so they must not have created anything with it yet. How then, did Taneda know how it worked and that the page would have the same capacities as the full Book?
Taneda doesn't seem to understand the Book completely - he thinks it was created by an ability user, after all, and like everyone else in the main universe he doesn't know the reason the Book requires narrative consistency (that it is pulling from other worlds, not just making anything written come true).
The Special Division likely had the Book at one point, but by the time Fitzgerald comes to retrieve it, it has been "sealed". Did the Special Division seal it? Why and how?
Atsushi
We know he has a lot to do with it. Atsushi and the Book are incredibly intertwined, and the initial conflict was kicked off by a bounty placed on his head for this connection.
He is called the "guide" to the Book. What does that mean? Is he meant to locate it? Unlock the seal? Or is he a guide on how to use it properly?
6 years ago, Shibusawa found Atsushi at the orphanage when he was just a kid and tortured him to extract his ability. He was a researcher who learned about the tiger from Fyodor, who called Atsushi's ability "one that guides the envy of all ability users". And we know Fyodor has been after the Book for a long time, so it's difficult to imagine this does not have something to do with it.
Atsushi is the only character to directly reference a real-life novel in the series and recall reading it. "The head may err but never the blood" and "I only regret what I haven't done" are from the real Nakajima Atsushi's "Light, Wind, and Dreams", a fictionalized autobiography detailing the last few years of the life of Robert Louis Stevenson. While other characters quote their namesakes' fiction on occasion, to my recollection, Atsushi is the only one who explicitly remembers reading the book, but finds himself unable to remember the author's name. Cute reference, or plot significant? You decide.
Atsushi's tiger is heavily associated with the moon, particularly the full moon. For some reason, the other side of the page is to be used at the next full moon and cannot be used sooner. Atsushi's ability crystal, pulled out of him by Shibusawa as a child, is described as "pale and glittering like the moon".
It is entirely unlike the red crystals that form in the Dead Apple separated abilities - including Atsushi's tiger (also red). It is, however, similar to Dazai's, which is white. Atsushi transforms into the tiger to swallow the moon-like crystal - to reiterate, it was outside him when he transformed. What's more, from Beast it's known that this instance was when his ability apparently activated for the first time - how could it do that if it was already removed from him? Later on, Shibusawa tries to take the crystal again and Atsushi's transformation deteriorates, that's true, but bear in mind that Atsushi was convinced that crystal was the tiger, which may have psychologically influenced this. In fact, the moon crystal may not be the tiger at all. It is entirely possible it is something else, and it is likely that which makes Atsushi so sought after. If it is, I refuse to believe this has nothing to do with the Book.
Atsushi's ability is described as the "spark of life that resists all abilities". A reference to his healing factor, perhaps? Or something more meaningful?
He's also referred to as an "angel" by Shibusawa who canonically got his information from Fyodor so... make of that what you will.
Tachihara
This isn't so much about Tachihara having significance in future but more about what his breaking of the page's conditions might mean.
At the crux of this is his split identity - he's a Hunting Dog, but also a mafioso, and his struggle between these identities is his core conflict in the Sky Casino arc.
Eventually, Tachihara, recalling Hirotsu and Gin's words that anyone in the Mafia knows that the Agency is innocent, frantically realizes they have the wrong culprits, thus breaking through the page's caveat that all law enforcement would never believe them, accompanied by a metaphorical tear in the page.
It's intriguing because we don't see this same dramatic depiction later on with the police when Ranpo appeals to them - Tachihara has changed his expected role from police to mafioso. Tachihara is no longer playing the "character" he was meant to play.
He tore out of that restriction in the story. His story line is now on a different path. There are some serious implications of that if a change in character can literally break people free of the Book's reality-altering influence. It is all-powerful so long as everyone plays their expected role in that narrative. Breaking out of that can change the story, even if only minutely.
Sigma
Of course Sigma is connected. He was apparently written into the Book three years ago - which means he came from one of the parallel worlds. (Provided Fyodor is telling the truth about his origins, but I think it would be very strange narratively if this wasn't - at least partially - true.)
I am curious if Sigma will regain some of his memories soon, or if it is even possible for him. If he can regain memories, then they would be from a world within the Book. Or, perhaps his memories don't exist because that world has been overwritten and no longer exists?
Is it possible for Sigma to communicate between worlds using his exchange of information? Maybe this is completely out of left field... I'm just curious what role Sigma is going to play in all this.
It's strange, for someone so obviously connected I... really don't have much to say about him. I just think we don't have enough.
Mykola
There isn't too much to say for certain about him, but I know I was super uncomfortable with his entire speech about birds and cages and freedom being dictated in real-time by the page. That's rough, buddy.
As of this moment, he's supposed to be dead, but somehow defied his fate and is still alive. He decided not to play the role ("character") he was previously meant to, and now he is the cast's biggest wildcard.
Mykola's fixation on freedom at all costs may have some interesting implications for his interactions with the idea of the Book. When his words were written on the page, was the page dictating his speech, or was it merely recording what he was already saying? If the Book is the story, then does the story control the characters, or, as it has been implied by Mykola and Tachihara, can the characters defy the story? When they defy the story, the story changes to accommodate this. Have they really, then, defied anything of significance at all? (For clarity: I don't know if this is where BSD will go with it - in actuality, I'm always confused when people theorize the Book's author is evil and controlling, or that the series will end tragically, given how much BSD loves to emphasize the importance of writing and reading and understanding and living. This is just an example of a few possible questions it may make sense for Mykola to fixate on.)
I don't have a lot to say for certain, but given his need to be free, his connection with Fyodor, and his Dazai-foiling traits, I'd think it very odd if he wasn't involved to some extent.
Dazai
...where to even start.
Dazai clearly knows things about the Book. He appears to know much of what Fyodor does, and it makes me curious as to whether it came up when they first met (whenever that was).
However, main series Dazai doesn't seem to have all the info Beast Dazai does. For one thing, he too echoes that the Book makes all that is written into it become reality. He may know about the parallel worlds within it and could just be lying by omission, but I've seen very little to suggest that this is the case.
Main series Dazai appears to know about certain events long before they occur (not everything though; I need to remind people that he can and has been thrown off/wrong about things before) - notably, most of these planned events revolve around Fyodor. He's been preparing Atsushi and Akutagawa specifically to deal with the upcoming threat posed by Fyodor's pursuit of the Book.
Beast Dazai was somehow able to read the memories of real-world Dazai by creating a singularity with his ability... somehow. It's assumed he must've created it while in contact with the Book (otherwise how else could he have read the memories) but it's actually not elaborated on and we still have little to no details.
If his nullification caused a singularity, then how? Was it a singularity with the Book? Himself? Whatever the Book was sealed with/in? Singularities are still quite mysterious, but they need to involve one of two things - an insurmountable contradiction, or an uncontrollable increase in power with no way to cap it. Given that nullification doesn't lend itself to an increase in anything, it's likely an inherent contradiction.
I think it pretty obvious that Dazai has some special knowledge of the Book; some connection to it. He's been preparing to combat Fyodor for many, many years, and he seems to want to take Fyodor out as quickly as possible. Clearly, his potential use of the Book is a big deal to Dazai and worth putting his full effort into preventing, which is a little odd, honestly, considering he only met him once before the events of Dead Apple. Fyodor must've really made a terrible impression on him.
Where did he come from? There's that post about how Dazai is in everyone else's backstory for some reason, but we don't know his yet. Here's what we do know: He has some kind of connection with the Old Mafia Boss. He wandered around Yokohama for awhile. He's not related to Mori or an orphan he picked up.
While I've seen suggestions that Dazai met Fyodor in the 2 year gap between his leaving the Mafia and joining the ADA, I think there's reason to suggest he may have met Fyodor before he ever joined the Mafia, as a young child. Just bringing it up as a possibility because Beast Dazai's forming of a singularity with it sounded intentional - which means at 16, he would already have known what the Book was. Did he get his knowledge from Fyodor? Someone else?
Why did young Dazai become so listless and unable to find a reason to live? How did he become convinced that he will lose everything he wants so badly to keep when he gets it? Why did he think he could predict everything in advance? Is it just his intelligence and observation? Or is there more to it than that?
While I'm not a huge fan of the "Dazai is the Book" theory (given that it would make him literally inhuman, which I think runs antithetical to his story), on reviewing all this I've come up with a new incredibly deranged and not-at-all-sound theory:
Dazai is the Book's seal. In this essay I will -
Fyodor
First of all, we know hardly anything about him. We don't understand his ability. We don't even know how old he is. He's been with V/the Decay of the Angel for many years apparently... he was involved in Shibusawa's actions... he has some kind of a history with Dazai... he perfected the art of dramatically standing on windy roofs... truly, he's an enigma.
On a more serious note, all we know is that he wants the Book to create a world free of ability users. Free of sin.
This doesn't seem to fully align with Fukuchi's goal. My proof? They have differing concepts of "angels".
Fukuchi's "angels" borrow from the Buddhist concept of Devas and also likely references Mishima Yukio's The Decay of the Angel. Fukuchi tells Tachihara that the angels are the politicians who remain in their lofty seats and send soldiers into war to die. His goal isn't revenge per se, but it does appear to involve dethroning them in a sense. He doesn't mention wiping out ability users nor of having any particular ill-will towards them.
However, Fyodor's concept is closer to the Abrahamic concept of angel, what with the numerous references to original sin, the script for the play in Untold Origins speaking of angels banished by God for their sins, etc. What's interesting is that the play emphasizes ability users as "angels" who have regained some of their prior powers (I find it difficult to believe Fyodor was not involved in the creation of this) - so Fyodor's "sinful angels" are likely ability users. What does this mean for their goals? Are they still aligned? Is the undermining of government necessary for the elimination of ability users? (Also quick note: do not quote me on any religious stuff - I am not religious myself. I do research sometimes but I'm very, very far from an expert ahaha.)
So, now: Cannibalism was part 1 of the DoA's plan, and all the ensuing stages will culminate in the use of the other side of the page.
Firstly, there's the obvious "what will the other side of the page be used for?"
But then there's something else. By the time Cannibalism occurred, the pieces were already in place for the next phase of the plan, where Sigma would steal the page from Taneda. Why then, does Fyodor still claim, on numerous occasions, to be after the Book? The page should be able to accomplish anything the Book can. Either there is something misleading in the information we have been told, or there is something he wants to do with the Book that isn't writing in it. I think the former is more likely but I digress, the latter is still a possibility.
A few more outstanding questions: Why was he spreading info on Atsushi to Shibusawa and presumably Fitzgerald, but not going after Atsushi himself? Wouldn't he want Atsushi as the Book's guide?
What is his connection to the prophet ability user Fitzgerald mentioned - is it him, with his uncanny predictive powers? Is it someone else associated with the DoA? Is it someone in the government? How long ago was this prediction made - was it made long enough ago that this is why V was active in Yokohama?
There's a lot that's very confusing about Fyodor, and I don't think we know nearly enough about him to make proper predictions as to his relation to the Book yet.
Akutagawa
He's only really tangentially related to it through his connection to Atsushi - if any showdown is going to happen involving the Book, you can bet he and Akutagawa will be teaming up for that.
At the same time, Dazai selected Akutagawa as a mentee a long time ago, and he's been planning for them to work together since he met Atsushi, specifically so they can prevent Fyodor from achieving his goals. In Beast, he mentions their abilities form a singularity together - likely that ability to "cut through anything".
I know this may be entirely wild and out of left field but if it can cut through anything... could it damage the impervious Book? Could it even destroy it? Or maybe it could destroy whatever is sealing it? Who knows, but it makes me think they're going to have to destroy something. (Interesting how this runs counter to sskk's need to act as protectors of the Book in Beast... so maybe it will be in defense. It's all so unclear.)
There's also the whole "dragon is the manifestation of the chaos of ability users". Atsushi and Akutagawa are the tiger and the dragon, at odds with each other via rivalry but also in balance. I think it would be very strange if Atsushi's ability were unusual but not Akutagawa's.
In addition to all the above, I am also side-eyeing all the author characters in this series. For one thing, there's very few of them. For another, two of them have died, changing the path of their respective best friends' lives - and in a series that actually... doesn't kill that many named characters off permanently, it's worth taking a look at.
Yokomizo wanted to transcend the boundaries of fiction in his writing to create a mystery that bled into reality - the ultimate mystery. Mushitarou writes to see his friend again, to connect with him through his greatest passion. Poe's ability allows him to take real people and pull them into constructed narratives that can be escaped once they are "solved" - when the story reaches its conclusion. He is also the one who spurs Mushitarou into writing to cope with his loss.
Natsume wrote a few books as well. We don't know completely what they were about (and from my brief research they don't seem to correspond perfectly to his real life novels - might be a reference to Kokoro but the story does not appear to be the same...), but at least one was a series of three novels, with the last featuring an assassin who stopped killing, but Natsume derided these books and said they were not very good. He tore out the last few pages from the third, final book that explained why the assassin changed his path, and gave the book to a young Odasaku with a note "Don't blame me if you regret [reading] it".
Odasaku wanted to complete that novel. It completely changed his perspective on the world and opened his eyes - he re-read it multiple times (if I remember correctly, he also read it over and over to a wounded and exasperated Dazai in TDIPUD lol), and the lack of an ending bothered him immensely, not just because the story was incomplete, but because the scene was necessary to understanding the assassin's character. Odasaku wrote to understand himself and others, because writing novels is writing people. Natsume seemed to think he was uniquely qualified to do so, but Odasaku disagreed, thinking that someone who took lives was in no position to write about them - to understand them.
Odasaku dies. In every universe, and before he gets the chance to write the novel that sits in his mind - except in Beast, where Dazai painstakingly maintained the world to ensure he stayed alive. It seems oddly specific that this one random person should die before having the opportunity to write the story he wished... and I have to wonder if the universe really doesn't want him writing that book for some reason. And if that's the case, then is there any reason (beyond saving Oda from killing) why Natsume encouraged him to do so?
As a bonus, in the anime, Odasaku is the one to title drop "to the stray dogs" as a cheers, which Dazai will later echo. This doesn't happen in the novel... but if you look back at the difference between the anime Book and the manga Book - you'll notice the manga Book's cover is blank. The anime's says "Stray Dogs". Could be something, could be nothing. But it's worth mentioning.
And that's pretty much it for now! As we get more info, I'll continue to update this post. If anything here gives you ideas, please feel free to ramble about it in the tags or comments, or shoot me an ask! I love to read all your thoughts. :)
#this is so long. if you made it through... congratulations! you are probably just as obsessed as i am hgnkvhgvnskf#feel free to add on. these aren't full theories or anything and a lot are just suggestions or open ended questions#i hope this is a helpful reference and at least sparks some interesting thoughts!#bsd#bsd meta#bsd the book#i don't want to tag everyone...#so i won't lol#storyrambles
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Based on (x).
#teen wolf#scott mccall#twedit#ok so yeah this edit was sparked by how poorly melissa was explored in s5#and in general how they dropped her as anything but an occasional prop to tell scott to get back out there after 2x10#but i hope it's not taken as bashing because that's truly not how i mean it#i feel like both scott and melissa don't know how to talk to each other#not because they don't love each other or want the best for each other#but s1 melissa already starts out not knowing scott's life very well#she's interested and trying to support him and make time for him#but is swamped with work and overwhelmed with being a single parent#and would also desperately like her own life if it's possible#scott is already working to support them and agonizes over costing them anything - money time attention#they start the series already without an equilibrium and it only gets worse as scott becomes a werewolf#i think melissa also has a survivor's mentality of soldiering on#and so that's also the advice scott is getting#even when what they both really need is time to rest and connect#and it just made me so sad that scott's flashback was about being hospitalized#but his mother was there and he was being care for#whereas now#he's back at the hospital#alone#desperately in need of care
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Sparkstember Day 18: Balls (Bullet Train)
Sometimes (oftentimes) it's true that all you need are Balls. I personally absolutely love Balls. I'm a big fan! Ekhem. Today I'm using the help of (I mean, copying most of the passages from it) my earlier Balls rant that I have written down after my first listen of it back in January. I really love this album and I don't want to completely skip over saying a couple words on it at least but I really don't think I have the headspace to write anything very good for it today. I'll still try though!
So yeah, Balls. It's a great album, fun and chill (in my sense of what I call and consider chill anyway), consistent, as Sparks albums tend to be, and as I suspected / hoped it does fit this specific vibe of driving around at night somewhere city-like and illuminated. Or being on a train deep at night and looking at the world zooming by (if you'd even see much of it on a train at night anyway.....). And I do think that it's not so dissimilar to Gratsax (I'd say now that it's definitely darker and moodier than its predecessor...). So it's interesting to think about how it's considered to be one of the "weak" ones (by music reviewers at least) while Gratsax is so beloved in comparision.
I will admit, I don't really know what the big problem with this album could be. As I said, it's fun, it has the melodies, it has the energy, it has the theatricality (I like seeing how more and more orchestral instruments such as strings are being incorporated into the music, in a way the jump into Lil' Beethoven two years later doesn't come of as THAT much of a shock because of this. The evolution of sound here is fascinating!) I really like the intense beats, just as much as the more laid-back and moodier pieces. And there's lots of gold to be found in the lyrics department as always.
One more thing I wanna say is that at some point I wondered if this music sounds older than it is. Maybe it does? But then I remembered that this was 2000 and honestly when I think about it, there just IS something about this album that fits so well with the Y2K image and vibe and all. Sparks 2000 and all that.
Favourite songs (and other highlights):
Balls: I mean. It's Balls.
Scheherazade: absolutely LOVE this one and I had the strangest impression of it sounding very familiar when I first heard it. Months later I found out that it was just briefly featured in TSB so I think that explains it (I will talk more about my TSB viewings on TSB day. EVERYTHING has to be explained in excruciating detail, lmao)
The Calm Before The Storm: bugsonas 4ever. Song itself is amazing too
How To Get Your Ass Kicked: how can a song about getting your ass kicked be so pleasant and relaxing, it always keeps cracking me up, how perfect that is actually
Bullet Train: I love it how introducing the topic of the song with a "It's the [topic of the song]" is a reoccurring theme on this album. Thank you Sparks for this ode to technology and art (these lyrics always have me giggling). And also it just goes hard as heck
It's Educational: a perfect fusion of / sequel to I Thought I Told You To Wait In The Car and Progress (it's mostly the vocal delivery that reminds me of the latter)
The Angels: such an odd one here but I still like it a lot, I apparently said that it sounds "surprisingly mainstream for Sparks but somehow in a positive way". It's very sweet and I absolutely love how Russell sings here, it's so different from what we're used to but that only makes it hit you even more in the feels, lol. And I actually prefer the alternative version of this song that's featured as a bonus track, and I do think that's in big part because you can hear Russell better on it (or that was my first impression of it at least and it kind of stuck)
#balls dayyyyyyy#how weird that i went with a different drawing idea than the bugsonas considering that i'm such a big fan of them#(maybe the bugsonas COULD appear later. still don't have an idea for the final day so hm. thinking about this)#but yeah i couldn't pass up the opportunity to draw russell in this era of glasses & haircut combination#and i love sparks' tour photos too much to not give them some sort of tribute at least once#and honestly! i think this is my favourite drawing so far. might even beat out noisy boys#it turned out better than the vision i had of it in my mind!!! that NEVER happens. yet it did this time#(yet also i'm adding this to the series of me making my life harder for myself that it needs to be#because i insisted that the text has to be handwritten for WHATEVER reason. looks good tho so that's a win)#but also man. lil beethoven day tomorrow#i feel so sick about all three of the upcoming albums still and it brings me close to having an existential crisis#to think about how it's been almost a year already since i first heard LB. that's just soooo wrongggggg#i've already been thinking pretty hard abt these albums over the past couple of days (just like every day before that too tbh)#truly nothing else like them in this world. tune in tomorrow to see the madness unfold!!!#sparkstember 2024#my art#goose monologues
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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I'm so grateful For the love that we share I'll never take it for granted That you're always there And when I think about the world And what is going on It makes me even more thankful That you're still around And I've been waiting all my life For someone I could stand And you're the only one so far Who could understand And what I'm feelin' in my heart Feelin' in my soul I couldn't ever hope to tell you I'm sure you must know
- Sparks // Let's Make Love
#when Ron writes a love song he REALLY writes a love song#lyric appreciation#sparks#sparks (band)#ron mael#I have decided to read all Sparks lyrics again before September as I haven't done it in a while#knowing the words for singing along and truly thinking about the words can be different things at times#Ron deserves awards for his writing. truly.#makes me think of that line in pacific standard time:#'our insincerity is our sincerity'. apart from when they don't go against a cliché and Ron beats everyone at their own game.#Sparks sincerity >>>>>>>#okay little rant over - I just really love these lyrics and I feel them so much. whether you look at them romantically or platonically.#So here's to all the sparks buddies :)#let's make love#interior design#1988#80's#(bye I'll go watch the 21x21 performance of this now)
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kinda feel like I haven't been enjoying tennis as much lately :/
#all my faves are kinda flopping#so many players are just like. the worst. and I know more are like that and just quieter about it#and idk. the quality of matches has just been fine#the matteo/kei match in montreal was so good and fun to watch and I was like damn. why don't other matches feel like this#and I'm still like. fully invested in it#like I'm checking scores all the time#but I'm missing my spark that I had just a few months ago#idk. I'm feeling bleh#I wish I was watching great matches all day but the matches have felt so flat#maybe it'll be better when all the top seeds come in#because canada was so weird#this is kinda the first normal big tournament since olympics#I'll stop rambling now
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One time on a first date with a guy, he had asked me why I was so specific about where and how I wanted to meet. I told him, I can always tell whether a man is interested in me from the very first look they give when they walk towards you. And it's important for me that I arrive early so that I can see the man walk towards me. Because they have 1 of 3 looks. 1) is they're just ambivalent and typically they're not attracted 2) the have this awestruck look of interest 3) they are leering almost up and down and it's too sexualized. And they lose interest quickly (and doesn't matter because I'm not interested in this type obviously).
And he asked me which type I found him to fall under. And I told him that he's ambivalent and not attracted. And he was like, nooo that's not the case. But I was like this has never failed me lol. Even though this whole time prior to meeting me, he had built up how attractive he thought I was. Really liked all my pics. And before meeting me and during the date itself, he said Pakistani women are beautiful (he was Bengali). End of the date, he walked me to my car and said let's do it again sometime.
And sure enough, he reached out but kinda mildly, boring - how was your weekend. To which I replied and equally boring response, and it died lol.
I have literally saved so much energy by making sure that I arrive first on a date. This puts me in a more comfortable spot and the guy in a more nervous spot. With you technically "receiving" him. As opposed to the traditional, him receiving you. And in that moment, with him walking towards you there is no pretense. And you can really see their very initial feelings towards you imho.
#ofc some men will develop feelings for you over time and those are the best ones#but not a lot of men are that self-aware enough on the online dating world to realize that to be the way the world works#and just as much as women men also look for the spark which for them is based on physical attraction#thoughts on dating#I mean I usually don't tell the men all this but i could tell this one wasnt gonna workout so i decided to tell my trade secrets#because I wanted to field test... see how they react to info about themselves lolol#dating stories
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I don't often post my non kink related art but I'm tryna get the attention of someone else in the community and am too shy and cringe to reach out so. Here, have this portrait I did of Hanzo Shimada. With my finger. On ibis paint. This took me four hours. Progress for proof below.
#we have so many similar interests and im trying to not be cringe about that 🧍♂️#hi im autistic and some people are really really hard to reach out to lol#anyways ove/watch fandom please don't look at my fat kink blog i cannot handle normie anon hate rn#plus id. what u think bc u play OVE/WATCH#idc* oops#not retyping all that#and if you have seen this art on animo and noticed i updated my signature no u didnt!!!#i dont want people on amino knowing im a fat guy that thinks it hot to get fatter#let me be kinky in peace#hanzo#hanzo art#hanzo shimada#hanzo fanart#overwatch fanart#watch either get no notes at all like all my other art or spark the first fatphobic harassment campaign against me bc i dared#to post out my uaual tags#anyways#artists on tumblr#trans artist#overwatch#my art ALWAYS gets ignored its such a SHITTY FUCKING FEELING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats WHY I NEVER POST IT !!!!!!!!!!!!#but whatever im not normal and need to make friends somehow#when people learn to give the attention my art is worth ill post more#but yall on this site NEVER. do ( at least on ever blog I had before this one)#i just dobt post much of it here bc whats the point? no one gives a shit about my intrests and skillls#im just. pretty face to look at#and thats all ill ever be or amount to#bi polar ramblings ig ig ig
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can you expand on what you mean about 12x22 and berens? i’ve never really looked at the writer patterns before but i’m intrigued
so jensen did a solo panel at JIB 8 in 2017 and an earlier question prompted him to recount his experience having difficulty connecting with the mary & dean relationship in s12 and the character motivation behind it. (and i think he's correct in saying that fans picked up on him not gelling with it which actually works in some episodes but feels off in others.)
anyway! berens was on-set when they were filming 12x22 "who we are" and jensen told him "oh god i get it now!" with the "i hate you, i forgive you" speech (that dean's character arc was him needing to forgive mary) and berens had no idea what he was talking about.
youtube
hopefully this embedded correctly to start at the right time code, but if not, he starts talking about it at 19:45
which yes, there's the possibility that berens was just yanking jensen's chain* about not realizing the "i hate you, i forgive you" was the thesis of mary & dean's relationship arc in s12. but also i really am inclined to believe he didn't realize he'd tied up the whole arc bc berens has been such a chronic dean misunderstander over the years. like folks will talk about dean as the "angry man" in late seasons and... that's mostly berens, baby!**
and i know you didn't ask but this is why the confession falls so flat for me. it rings hollow bc this is the writer who has done more than anyone else in the last few seasons to make dean an un-likeable prick. i do like the confession as a radical act of self-love (that "having" doesn't matter and "being" is more important) but as cas confessing his love to dean? yeah, i just can't buy it given the other stuff berens wrote over the years and the narrative framing is just off. much like the finale, it's tragedy wearing an ill-fitting ballgown and looking in a fun house mirror.
so, in summary (x)
* this is a bit unkind, but jensen is such a consummate pro that i would not be surprised if the "maybe he was yanking my chain" was a way to save face for berens since jensen has disagreed with him on his episodes before.
** i did not jive with 14x20 "moriah" until i re-watched it without the baggage of 14x18 before it (14x19 isn't great but does set up the "logic" of dean's actions in 14x20; never 5get that cas wanted to put jack in the cage... how is that different from a ma'lak box?). i think berens was just not a good fit for spn and especially not the direction they were going in during dabb era. i'm not a big fan of him in carver era either but he fit the vibes and direction way better.
#berens' contract was up at the end of s14 & he's said one of the main reasons he stayed was the confession which! not a good reason!#file all of this under: opinions to get you crucified on 2021 destielblr lol#like the issue is really that berens cared about destiel (and destiel only; not the characters) and is part of the traveling slash fandom#someone joked that berens got lead on by a straight guy in college & he's taking it out on dean.#i don't know what's in the man's heart but it IS the funniest option and i am ALWAYS down for 'rule of funniest option'#dare i main tag it?#spn#berensnatural#actually to go back to the 'not a good reason' tag: if you feel your job environment is seriously holding your work back then gtfo!#work doesn't need to spark joy but sticking around for one single thing is just... read ask a manager! alison green has words for you!#that's real job advice btw: unless it's bc $$ you shouldn't stick with a job where you're being held back for just one motivational carrot
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being someone who was a massive gothy Tim Burton fan throughout their teens, spending the last several years seeing Burton turn out soulless dry biscuit film after soulless dry biscuit film, then going into the cinema and watching Beetlejuice Beetlejuice and discovering it to be the most deliciously barmy, left-out-in-the-rain, toxic green slime cake I ever et, was such a delight for me. It was wonderful. I cut into that cake and it was full of real sets and B-movie makeup and soul. I felt like Gordon Ramsay when he goes back to the failing restaurant after they've gotten their shit together and he eats their revitalised menu and it's completely unrecognisable from the slop he was served before. I felt like breaking into Tim Burton's kitchen with my licked-clean plate and yelling, "Yes! Thank FUCK! Finally some passion in your fucking work, Tim!"
#is it the most perfect of his films? no#there are 16 plots and they're all tap dancing at once#fortunately I LOVED all of them so it was difficult to give a shit about there being 16 of them#when they first cut to the Netherworld and it was a physical set instead of a 100% CGI mirage i wanted to burst into gospel music#and willem defoe is there and he just says very stupid jokes and crushes a cup of coffee repeatedly? YES#it does not have to make perfect sense when it sparks such joy#for me anyway you don't go to a burton film for scintillating scripts and watertight plots#you go to FEEL things#how did he make you feel it exactly?? almost irrelevant a good burton film is a delight for the subconscious and the senses#and it was so dumb. it was so so dumb#and i loved how centred it was on lydia astrid and delia#finally some good fucking food#hmp42
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