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male-reader-haven · 2 years ago

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~That Horrible, Wonderful Feeling~

Author note:

Here is chapter 1 of the project I've been working so long on!! I'm super passionate about this storyline, so I'm hoping you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it. As of right now, I have about 4 chapters completed, and depending on how well this is received I plan on posting them as well. Enjoy your Namjoon crumbs, there is SO much more to come!

Chapter 1: Ideal Woman

Namjoon's POV as he deals with prying reporters, stalkers, and some unwarranted feelings that send him spiraling. How can he claim to know and protect his fellow members if he doesn't even know himself? Y/N, one of 8 members of the worldwide popular K-pop boyband BTS, slowly helps Namjoon along in his journey of self-discovery and acceptance, dealing with his own feelings along the way.

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x male idol Y/N

TW: Stalking, internalized homophobia, heavier topics, invasion of privacy, slight NSFW, 18+

Word count: 2801

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“Now, RM, the fans are dying to know. What are your ideal traits in a girl?” The interviewer smiled and held out the microphone towards Namjoon expectantly. The camera pans over to his face and he forces a smile and glances down.

What a stupid fucking question.

He is so tired of being asked the same questions. Although he knew it was bound to happen due to BTS being worldwide famous idols, still, indulging reporters and tabloids who are constantly hungry for new content and scandals to feed their prying gossipers is so exhausting.

“Ah, well, you know, we all are focusing on our career and don’t have time for anything like that.” He avoids the question, hoping the reporter will drop it. She doesn’t catch on. She has a smile that is too wide and obviously faked. Honestly, Namjoon is pretty sure this american interviewer doesn’t even really know BTS too well or even listen to their music.

“Come on, everyone has a type. ARMY wants to know what kind of woman is RM’s type?”

As if you can speak for ARMY.

“Why do you care?” Namjoon snaps. He surprises himself with his response and immediately follows it up. “I-I mean, it doesn’t really matter. As long as they love and accept me, I guess.” He saves it the best he can. The interviewer stares him down.

“Awe, how sweet. Well before you go Namjoon, we just gotta know! There have been rumors going around that you secretly have a girlfriend! Is it true? Should we be expecting an announcement soon?” As she speaks, pictures flash across the screen of Namjoon caught in the street taking pictures with a fan. Namjoon feels frustration bubble up, not only at the accusation but at the lack of privacy and how the tabloids must have been following him around taking pictures.

“Wow. Really? Shameless.” He loses his patience. “I don’t appreciate being followed and stalked everywhere I go, you know. She is a fan and we took a picture. Sorry I couldn't satisfy your gossip.” He can’t stop himself. “Do you guys really get paid for this? Pushing this scummy, heteronormative agenda on celebrities hoping for a sliver of drama just so you can get a few clicks in by exaggerating and lying? We are people too, just like you. Normal people. So no, you don't get to make assumptions about me or pry into my life.”

“Heteronormative? Are you saying you are something other than straight? Is this official?” The woman interjects. Namjoon is fuming.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Namjoon gets up and storms away from the lit up booth and over to his staff, who briskly apologize to the interviewer and team and take him back to the studio.

Namjoon knows he went too far. Luckily his agent made sure that the interview would be scrapped and not published, but that is now an entire news group that BigHit won’t ever get an interview with again. Honestly they didn’t need the extra publicity, since at this point any company would be more than ecstatic to host an interview from BTS, but this was supposed to be a series of solo interviews from each of the artists, which would have no doubt been popular. Still, he didn't feel bad. Too many times have people asked BTS questions about their private lives and tried exposing them with false accusations and start scandals, none of which ever stick due to ARMY being so protective of them, but it took a toll on their mental health sometimes. Namjoon sinks into the back seat of the car as he looks out the window, listening to the patter of rain on the roof and watching the street lights reflect off the dripping window.

My ideal woman, huh?

He reflects. Everywhere he goes where people ask him these questions, they always say “ideal girl” or “woman,” always assuming he is straight. I mean, he IS straight, but it bothers him nonetheless. It’s not like anyone bothers to ask, they always just assume. He knows that people just want to hear him talk about specific traits and types to fulfill people’s fantasies. It seems people also assume that all ARMYs are straight fangirls. It’s 2023, how are people still pushing heteronormative standards? He takes out his phone to see new messages in the BTS group chat.

WWH: How’d the interview go?

Namjoon sighed and typed out his response.

Me: Horribly. Pretty sure I ruined it for all of us, sorry guys. JK: How so? Me: I lost it and kind of snapped V: Dang, sounds like they deserved it then. No worries man, probably for the best Me: Stupid private questions. I got too pissed though, it is my fault, but still Y/N: Ew, don’t they have anything better to do? Jimin: Fr. Don’t feel bad, I would have been short tempered too J-hope: Does this mean we have a free weeknd? WWH: Nice spelling J-hope: thx dad JK: Hell yeah, let's do a movie night! (read by SUGA, WWH, J-hope, and 4 others)

Namjoon puts his phone away and looks out the window again.

“Are you saying you are something other than straight? Is this official?”

The woman’s words echo in his head longer than he would have liked. Namjoon has always liked women, that he is certain of. Ever since he was little he had crushes on disney princesses and actresses all the time. He had his fair share in heartbreaks and girlfriends in school too. Ever since becoming an idol, however, everything relating to romance seems to have left his life and been put in the back of his mind. He knows it's because they are idols that they aren't allowed to publicly date. That isn’t to say however that he didn't fantasize about having a partner or being in a romantic relationship. Despite BTS being his family and never truly being alone, he couldn’t help feeling lonely in some ways. These days, Namjoon finds himself stuck in his room working even in his free time. Maybe this weekend becoming suddenly free would be a blessing after all.

Namjoon walks into what he and BTS know as the “safehouse,” which is a large home away from the city where all 8 members have access at all times and their own separate rooms. They usually go to the safehouse when they want to meet up, have events and parties or just whenever they want to get out to somewhere private from their own separate homes. The other members are already gathered around in the dining room as he comes through the door.

“Hey, there he is! Welcome to the finest restaurant in all of Korea.” Hoseok yells over from the table where they are all feasting on what looks like bbq.

“Join us, I slaved away at making this for all of you, congratulate me.” Jin’s bubbly voice calls.

“As if. All you did was order the food hyung, don’t act like you prepared it!” Jimin teases Jin and reaches over to put some beef over the bbq and then dips it in some sauce.

“Ah, perfect. I’m starving.” Namjoon puts away his things and sits down in the empty chair next to Y/N. They all get into food and conversation, laughing and smiling and having a great time.

“I’m curious, what did she ask you that sent you over the edge?” Jungkook quired, sitting back as Taehyung brought over some beers.

“The interviewer started asking about my ideal type of woman, a question which I can usually dodge, but she was persistent. Then they pulled up pictures of me back when I was visiting Switzerland where I met a fan and they tried to frame it like a secret girlfriend situation.”

“They followed you to Switzerland?” Y/N looked up, a disgusted look on his face.

“Guess so. Anyways after that she-” Namjoon cuts himself off.

“Are you saying you are something other than straight? Is this official?” Her words came bubbling up again, making him feel nauseous.

“She what?” Taehyung presses. Namjoon shakes his head.

“Nothing. I just got pissed, snapped at her and left after that.” He avoids eye contact with any of them, hoping someone will change the subject.

“I think you were in the right. I would have been so snarky.” Yoongi speaks up from the corner seat.

“Yeah, don’t think about it too much man. There will always be more interviews, with better and more respectful people.” Jungkook says, trying to make him feel better.

The conversation shifts from there and as the night goes on, the boys get more and more inebriated. Jin is practically howling from laughter at Hoseok, who is falling over in his chair with his face bright red. Jimin is half asleep, Jungkook is not far behind him, and Taehyung is talking about some nonsense with Yoongi. Y/N and Namjoon seem to be the better off in the bunch, simply making stupid jokes and laughing at the other members. Namjoon speaks up.

“I’m drunk, gonna turn in for the night. As should all of you.”

“I think Jimin is already there.” Jin laughs and points at Jimin, who is face flat on the table.

“I’ll take him to his room.” Jungkook sighs and lifts Jimin up and carries him away. The other members eventually all go to their respective rooms also. Namjoon makes his way to his room.

Namjoon closes his door and goes to get ready for bed. His tipsiness makes him stumble sometimes, but he manages to get changed and brush his teeth. After getting ready, he practically falls into his bed and crawls underneath the light brown and white covers. He drifts into thought.

Ideal woman…

Namjoon starts thinking about what he finds attractive. He imagines lean, fit bodies and smooth skin. Silky hair and slightly parted lips. Sparkling eyes and light voices that entice him. He imagines a pair of hands caressing his face, feels the hands move down his neck and to his chest, constantly moving. The hands then become arms attached to a lean and skinny body, a dancer’s body. He feels the body with his own hands, moving to the sides of the person and down to their hips. The person materializes even more, revealing defined abs that lead to a man’s chest and strong thighs that straddle Namjoon’s middle, masculine shoulders that carry beauty and grace. The person is a beautifully built man. The face is blurred, but he can make out plump lips that shine, half parted in a silent breath. The figure leans down into Namjoon, hands on his chest and head as it gets closer to his face. Namjoon is lost in a trance by this beautiful person, and leans in to meet his lips with theirs, when he is met with air. He opens his eyes to his empty room and him in bed.

What a strange dream.

He winces as he adjusts under the covers and discovers that he is partially hard.

Great, just what I need.

He doesn’t have the energy to fix it right now, so he just takes a deep breath and ignores it. Eventually, Namjoon drifts off to sleep.

The next day arrives quickly, and the members are all hung over in the house waking each other up and groaning in the living room.

“What’s everyone’s plans today?” Jimin pipes up, cheerfully, as if he didn't get absolutely wasted the night before. J-hope looks up at him from his fetal position.

“How are you a real person?”

“Yoongi-ssi and I were going fishing if anyone wants to join us.” Jin puts the offer out there, to which nobody volunteers.

“I thought you hate fishing?” Y/N asks Yoongi.

“I do, but it makes Jin hyung happy. And it's more fun with friends.” Yoongi half spoke, half groaned his response.

“Awe, he does have a heart!” Jimin teased. Yoongi curled deeper into his blanket in response.

“I want to go hiking today, anyone want to come with? We can get ramyeon after and karaoke!” Jungkook suggests.

“Oh, that sounds fun! I'll come.” Hoseok blinks the sleepy away from his eyes and nods.

“Jimin and I will come too.” Taehyung holds up his arm.

“Do I get any say in this?” Jimin smacks Taehyung’s shoulder.

Guess that leaves Namjoon and Y/N. Namjoon turns to him.

“Would you be interested in going to the National Folk Museum of Art in Seoul? I haven’t been there in a while.” Namjoon and Y/N both share a passion for minimalistic art and artists as well as art history. Y/N looked up at him and smiled through groggy eyes.

“Sure, that sounds fun!”

Cute.

“Sounds like we all got plans then! Get up and get going boys, or these hangovers are gonna take your Friday away.” Jin initiates the march to get ready for the day and get going. As everyone gets up and gets ready to leave, Namjoon also stands up. Y/N stays on the couch for a second before groaning and putting his arms out.

“Help me up hyung, i'm dying.” Namjoon smiles and exaggeratedly pulls Y/N up from the couch.

“I take it I will be driving us?” Y/N teases.

“It’s safer for us and the universe that I don’t.” Namjoon laughs and lets Y/N go upstairs. He trips over the first step, making Namjoon smile.

Was he always this adorable?

Some time goes by and Namjoon gets a text.

Y/N: I’ll be ready in 15, meet me in my car? Me: SOunds good Y/N: Lol typo

He puts his phone away and gets ready. After 15 minutes of looking for a good art museum outfit (he decides on jeans and a hoodie because he couldn't decide) Namjoon heads downstairs and to the parking lot to meet Y/N. He sees the light mint green beetle with its engine on and in the driver’s seat is Y/N, in what looks to be a brown sweater and a green beret with thin circle glasses. He opens the passenger door and buckles his seatbelt.

“You look nice! Perfect for the museum.” Namjoon compliments his outfit.

“Ah, a classic Namjoon look.” Y/N laughs, pointing out Namjoon’s plain outfit.

“Yeah well, I'm okay with being inconspicuous.”

“You will be my staff as I get all the attention!!” Y/N smiles and gives Namjoon’s shoulder a light punch. Namjoon looks around the inside of Y/N’s car, taking it all in. The interior is light brown and clean, Y/N likes to keep his things tidy. On the windshield mirror is hanging a car freshener that looks like a daisy. Y/N turns on his bluetooth and connects his phone to the radio.

“Any music suggestions?” He asks Namjoon.

“I want to listen to what you want. What are you listening to these days?” Namjoon inquires. It has been a while since he hung out with any of the members one on one. Y/N nods and scrolls through his phone as if it was a super important decision.

“I need to find songs that you wont judge me for.” Y/N laughs, half joking.

“You know I listen to a bit of everything, not much can surprise me.” Namjoon reassures him. Y/N smiles and a song begins to play. Namjoon recognizes it as Troye Sivan’s “Lucky Strike.” Y/N bops his head along to the music and looks at Namjoon for approval.

“I know Troye Sivan. He has a great voice.”

“God, what I would GIVE to do a collab with him!” Y/N reels, then puts the car in reverse and they set off. The car ride is pleasant and calming as they take turns recommending songs and vibing to them, moments of silent listening as well as gushing about artists they like.

“I wish we could be more open in our music. Like Troye Sivan or Frank Ocean.” Y/N expresses. “I mean, I know we technically can, and there is nothing wrong with expressing your true self through music, but I feel like we have to be so on edge because of how many people listen to our music.” Namjoon understands what he means.

“I get it. We have to tiptoe around certain topics because of how international our reach is.” Y/N nods solemnly to Namjoon's response.

“Yeah. I just wish I could write about what I want without worrying about scandals. We write about girls all the time, I'd love to write a boy love song.” Y/N is focused on the road. Namjoon turns to look at him when he says that, but doesn't say anything. They bop their heads to music the whole way, Y/N making silly gestures and expressions to the music as he drives. A slight burning feeling arises in Namjoon's chest, and upon realizing he is staring quickly glances away and swallows.

Must still be hungover.

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Aaaaaa what did you guys think?!?! I have SO much more written that I'm excited to share with you about this story. If you enjoyed and want to see more chapters please show this some love and tell me what you think below!!!

Stay tuned, Jae loves you <3

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vickyvicarious · 2 years ago

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May 24, or: Lucy and the Three Suitors

The first was too straightforward, the second was too jolly, and the last was just right.

...Okay, it's not quite that simple, especially given that Lucy didn't describe Arthur's proposal in detail, but it's still interesting to notice the differences in their proposals and what that reveals about them as characters, or more specifically about their relationship to Lucy. Let's take a glance. (This wound up just being Lucy/Arthur propaganda, basically.)

John 'Jack' Seward

"number One came just before lunch"

"He was very cool outwardly, but was nervous all the same. He had evidently been schooling himself as to all sorts of little things, and remembered them; but he almost managed to sit down on his silk hat, which men don't generally do when they are cool, and then when he wanted to appear at ease he kept playing with a lancet in a way that made me nearly scream."

"He spoke to me, Mina, very straightforwardly. He told me how dear I was to him, though he had known me so little, and what his life would be with me to help and cheer him."

"He was going to tell me how unhappy he would be if I did not care for him, but when he saw me cry he said that he was a brute and would not add to my present trouble. Then he broke off and asked if I could love him in time; and when I shook my head his hands trembled"

"with some hesitation he asked me if I cared already for any one else. He put it very nicely, saying that he did not want to wring my confidence from me, but only to know, because if a woman's heart was free a man might have hope."

"he looked very strong and very grave as he took both my hands in his and said he hoped I would be happy, and that if I ever wanted a friend I must count him one of my best"

Number One obviously practiced for this. He rehearsed it in his head, had a clear script, and only broke away from that when it became very obvious that his straightforward and direct approach was upsetting Lucy. He cut himself off right away once he did notice, to his credit, but still seemed to hold hopes that perhaps this might be just because she doesn't know him well enough yet, or that he might hold out hope for the future. Depending on whether or not you think the suitors all knew they had shared affections for the same girl (I lean towards yes), then the hesitation kind of points towards him hoping it isn't what he already suspects to be true.

He knew he would be extremely nervous and attempted to hide his nerves by carefully and deliberately controlling his actions. But again and again, Lucy saw through him. I think his coming earlier in the day points as well to 'getting it over with', not letting his nerves build up even longer (especially if he knows the others are proposing too and if she says yes he won't get a chance). The way he spoke to her, very directly and clearly, points not only to nerves and trying to stick to things that are simple/difficult to bungle, but also to a more direct approach socially. He's not as comfortable with talking around things, he wants to be clear and direct. This isn't a bad quality but is one that might be difficult for Lucy if he expects the same from other people. She has already made a couple of comments that suggest she has a hard time being honest/direct with her words. If this man doesn't notice her unease until she is literally crying in front of him, he's probably not tuned in enough to be able to get her to admit when something is bothering her.

While he meant only the best, he was unable to easily read her feelings, and unable to hide the depth his own. He left Lucy feeling guilty that she couldn't reciprocate, knowing that by failing to do so she was causing him pain.

Quincey P. Morris

"number Two came after lunch"

"He is such a nice fellow, an American from Texas, and he looks so young and so fresh that it seems almost impossible that he has been to so many places and has had such adventures. [...] I know now what I would do if I were a man and wanted to make a girl love me. No, I don't,"

"he found out that it amused me to hear him talk American slang, and whenever I was present, and there was no one to be shocked, he said such funny things"

"Mr. Morris sat down beside me and looked as happy and jolly as he could, but I could see all the same that he was very nervous."

"'Miss Lucy, I know I ain't good enough to regulate the fixin's of your little shoes, but I guess if you wait till you find a man that is you will go join them seven young women with the lamps when you quit. Won't you just hitch up alongside of me and let us go down the long road together, driving in double harness?'"

"he did look so good-humoured and so jolly that it didn't seem half so hard to refuse him as it did poor Dr. Seward; so I said, as lightly as I could, that I did not know anything of hitching, and that I wasn't broken to harness at all yet. Then he said that he had spoken in a light manner, and he hoped that if he had made a mistake in doing so on so grave, so momentous, an occasion for him, I would forgive him."

"He really did look serious when he was saying it, and I couldn't help feeling a bit serious too"

"before I could say a word he began pouring out a perfect torrent of love-making, laying his very heart and soul at my feet. He looked so earnest over it that I shall never again think that a man must be playful always, and never earnest, because he is merry at times. I suppose he saw something in my face which checked him, for he suddenly stopped, and said with a sort of manly fervour that I could have loved him for if I had been free:—'[...]Tell me, like one good fellow to another, is there any one else that you care for?"

"That quite won me, Mina, for it was brave and sweet of him, and noble, too, to a rival—wasn't it?—and he so sad; so I leant over and kissed him."

"He wrung my hand, and taking up his hat, went straight out of the room without looking back, without a tear or a quiver or a pause; and I am crying like a baby."

Quincey followed right after lunch, right in the middle of the day. Once again, she saw that he looked nervous, but by and large he succeeds too well in hiding his own feelings from Lucy. This is the opposite problem from the last proposal. She notices his charm plenty, but because there is so much of it and because he does it so well, she initially feels that he is less sincere, or at least less vulnerable. Lucy is more moved by Quincey, and thinks he could win her over if she weren't already in love, but she also seems to think his charm is more generally polished and not as specific to her. In reality though, Quincey has been altering his behavior to please her and came with a planned proposal that he thought would make her happy. Once again, it didn't go the way he expected and he had to improvise, but the way he did so was different. He deliberately opened up and let her see how deeply he felt, and then that moved her much more than his lighthearted approach had. But he also noticed her emotions weren't quite matching his, and stopped himself. He noticed sooner, and she again responded to him more, but this was still after he had given his big speech 'before she could say a word', somewhat cutting her off. Once again, the communication isn't quite on a level, although it comes closer.

Quincey is more socially adept but also more likely to hold back his own feelings. He tells stories and jokes to please others. While he's generally more confident, I think the way it takes him so long to bare his emotions also can point to him having difficulty opening up like that. Sure, it was a strategy, but one that speaks to how he usually approaches difficult conversations. He's generally not as comfortable being so direct, at least about his own feelings (of course when he has to face that she doesn't return them, he isn't hesitant/is brave, and once he acts he does so resolutely). He's more similar to Lucy in this way, but maybe too similar, enough that it's hard for both of them to be serious/straightforward with one another. When he got her to take him seriously and it didn't work out, he retreated and she was left feeling guilty once again. Less so than before, I think, as she has more confidence in his ability to handle his own emotions, but that could also just point to her not being able to see him as clearly.

Arthur Holmwood

"Arthur tried twice to make a chance, and I helping him all I could;"

"it was all so confused; it seemed only a moment from his coming into the room till both his arms were round me, and he was kissing me"

"I am very, very happy, and I don't know what I have done to deserve it. I must only try in the future to show that I am not ungrateful to God for all His goodness to me in sending to me such a lover, such a husband, and such a friend."

Less to say here! But let's notice how it contrasts the others. While they had only one successful try, Arthur has taken three attempts to get out his proposal (counting this successful one). This could point to a couple of things - he sees her more often, he's alone with her more frequently but for shorter amounts of time, he's more confident he will be received well, he's having trouble holding his feelings back. I think it's probably a combination of all of the above. They've spent a lot of time together, enough to start rumors. Her mom likes him a lot and wants to spend time with him too, and perhaps thus interrupts them more. Lucy has also been trying to help him make chances, which he's noticed. And lastly, he doesn't even attempt to hide his feelings here.

Earlier, Lucy mentioned that she wasn't sure he loved her back, but it seems like that may be more her doubting herself than him trying to restrain his emotions. Because at least as far as we are told, he doesn't try to control himself at all. He also does not have a speech. Maybe this is down to the earlier failed attempts, and he wants to just get it all out now in a rush. But regardless, in this entry at least Lucy is able to clearly read his interest, and he can clearly read hers in return. Rather than the mistakes made between the others, there is no confusion here. They are both on the same page.

Any one of these men could have potentially won Lucy over in different circumstances. They all genuinely love her and they all have good relationships. (I love the way Lucy emphasizes that Arthur is her friend too, as well as the others.) But Lucy/Arthur is the couple we end up with. Partly this is due to pre-existing feelings. But I think timing aside, we also see that there are some communication difficulties with the other two men. Whether it's trouble noticing the other's emotions (Lucy for Quincey, Jack for Lucy), or difficulty communicating the depth of their own feelings (Quincey, Lucy), etc.

The usage of the planned and specific proposal vs. the more spontaneous and confused one illustrates this well. Lucy entries continue to have a focus on the ability to speak freely. Sure, we don't actually hear either of the couple speak directly here, but that actually points to them being so caught up in/openly expressing themselves that it's all just a jumble. There is no long stilted conversation, no one-sided speechifying. They're both involved, both equally caught up in emotion.

Not to get into spoilers, but... I think it's important for Lucy to be with someone who is able to tell how she is feeling, and communicate his own emotions clearly to her. It's a good match for her tendency to downplay or have difficulty expressing herself. While everyone could do well enough, the way the proposals are written set Arthur up as having the best ability to be open/get Lucy to open up as well.

Sure, her mother likes him, and he's rich and titled, but on an interpersonal level I think he is genuinely the best choice for her, not merely a safe one.

#dracula daily #lucy westenra #lucy/arthur #suitor squad #jack seward #quincey morris #arthur holmwood #my meta

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sarah-sandwich · 1 year ago

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⭐️🎶

Thank you!! ⭐ - share a snippet where a character is the best at something. This is from Blue like don't forget about me. Nash is the best at detailed paperwork and taking care of his sister.

Mrs. Sweet is staring at [Nash's] binder with wide, alarmed eyes. “Who told you that you needed to go to the doctor? That’s not something we—,”

“Nobody, ma’am, but I thought it would reassure… I thought you’d want to know I’m not likely to drop dead from some kinda illness or…” He shakes his head. “I was only covering all the bases. I need you to know I’m a fit guardian. Without question.”

“Hun, this is above and beyond what we— Is this a physical evaluation from the army?”

“Yes, ma’am. Not that I’m going to enlist,” he assures her quickly. “I just thought you’d appreciate seeing an evaluation from a fellow government entity and the recruiters are always lurkin’ around so…”

He shrugs. It was a bit awkward at the end when he declined to enlist and asked that they remove his contact information from the database, but it was worth it to pad out his credentials with something official looking.

“Why…” Mrs. Sweet flips through several pages—his birth certificate to show he’s American born, his budget painstakingly detailed to the penny, and a letter of character attestation from Lori. “Honey, you didn’t need to do this much.”

“Yes, I did.”

Perhaps he says it with too much force because she snaps her teeth together and frowns at him under a furrowed brow.

“You seem to be under the mistaken impression that my mother did anything other than run the diner in town and get plastered at the bar when her shift was up. I don’t mean to imply that we weren’t grateful for the paycheck or the fact that her implied presence kept the government off our doorstep, but nothin’ much has changed ‘round here ‘cept that now I have to prove to someone who don’t know the first thing about me or Jo that I know how to do the things I’ve been doing since I learnt to walk. Jo is in the state she’s in thanks to me. The house isn’t a pile of moldy splinters thanks to me. There’s food in the fridge and toilet paper on the roll thanks to me. That’s the way it's been since—,”

He barely stops himself before he admits he’s been driving to the deli in town since he was ten. He had to sit on the phone book to see over the wheel and could barely work the pedals, but Jo was hungry. What else was he to do?

He can also hear his accent getting thicker as he draws closer to losing his temper and it only serves to fan the flames. He hates the way he sounds when he’s angry. He hates that it gets him dismissed as a dumb hot-headed hick.

He clears his throat. “What I mean to say is, I’ve been taking care of Jo my whole life and don’t mean to stop. As far as I’m concerned nothin’ has changed except that we’re a paycheck short and if you flip to page six you can see I’ve more than made up for it by—,”

She closes the binder. “I believe the tea is ready.”

He glances back at the pitcher. It’s respectably dark, but…

She softens. “I’ve seen all I need to see Mr. Owens. Now please, a glass before I drive back to the city would do me some good. I’ll submit my formal review and you’ll hear the result within the next week or so.” She puts her hand on his forearm. “Your sister is lucky to have someone who loves her as much as you do.”

He spends the following nineteen days holding his breath and waiting by the phone.

🎶 - share a happy moment. ANY happy moment. You must have ONE. This is a sfw snippet from a smutty parkner one-shot about baseball pants 💖

“I was trying to sound hip,” Peter grumbles and crushes down his empty water bottle.

“You? Hip? Darlin’, you said, ‘right-o’ before you went down on me. There’s no hope. Give up.”

“I— No, I didn’t.”

Harley laughs. “I’m not arguin’ about this. You’re a dork and a nerd and a geek all rolled into one unbelievable sexy package. Take the gifts you’ve been given and quit bellyachin’ for more.”

“I’m going to pretend I only heard the part where you think I’m sexy.”

“Whatever craws your dad.”

Peter glowers at him then makes for the passenger seat and yanks open the door. “Don’t start with your weird southern slang.”

“You can’t bridle a horse once it’s out of the barn, sweetheart.”

Peter throws himself into the car with a sound of disgust and only then does Harley allow himself a smile. Somehow Peter hasn’t cottoned on to Harley’s game of inventing silly sayings purely to get his goat, and he’s in no hurry to end the torment.

#ask games #sswrites #blue like don't forget about me #parkner #i gotta write more happy scenes PRONTO #they are depressingly scarce at the mo

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dreaminginthedeepsouth · 1 year ago

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Rivers :: Caglecartoons.com

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Two Visions of America on Christmas Day, 2023.

December 25, 2023

ROBERT B. HUBBELL

DEC 26, 2023

President Biden’s Holiday Message.

President Biden delivered a heartfelt Christmas message by video (watch here on Twitter via The Lincoln Project.). I recommend watching the video, but if you are unable to do so, the text of President Biden’s comments is below:

The Christmas story is at the heart of the Christian faith, but the messages of love, hope, peace, and joy are universal. It speaks to all of us whether we are Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Muslim, Buddhist, or other or no faith at all. It speaks to all of us as human beings who are here on this earth. To care of one another, to look out for on another, to love one another. Our politics has gotten so angry, so mean, so partisan. And too often, we see each other as enemies, not as neighbors. So, my hope this Christmas season is that we take a few moments of quiet reflection. Find that stillness at the heart of Christmas and really look at one another. Not as Democrats or Republicans. Not as members of Team Red or Team Blue, but as who we really are—fellow Americans, fellow human beings. Worthy of being treated with dignity and respect. I sincerely hope this holiday season will drain the poison that has affected our politics and set us against one another. I hope this Christmas seasons marks a fresh start for our nation because there is so much that unites us as Americans. There is so much more that unites us than divides us. So, this Christmas, let’s spread a little kindness, let’s be that helping hand, that strong shoulder, that friendly voice when no one else seems to care for those who are struggling in trouble and need. It just might be the best gift you can ever give. I wish you—and for you—and for our nation, now and always, that we will live in the light. The light of liberty and hope, of love and generosity, of kindness and compassion, of dignity and decency. So, from the Biden family, we wish you and your family peace, joy, health, and happiness. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and all the best in the new year! God bless you all, and may God protect our troops.

Donald Trump's holiday message.

Trump posted his holiday message on Truth Social. I have excluded most of the hateful vitriol in the message. But here is the gist—and the concluding lines:

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL . . . Includ[ing] World Leaders, both good and bad, but none of which are as EVIL and SICK as the THUGS we have inside our Country . . . . [Including the] Woke Military, Russia/Ukraine, Israel/Iran, All Electric Car Lunacy, and so much more, [who] are looking to DESTROY our once great USA. MAY THEY ROT IN HELL. AGAIN, MERRY CHRISTMAS!”

Concluding Thoughts.

We are witnessing two radically different visions of America unfold in real-time. Having just experienced Christmas through the eyes of two three-year-old(ish) granddaughters, I know which vision of America I am hoping will prevail.

[Robert B. Hubbell Newsletter]

#Robert B. Hubbell Newsletter #Robert B. Hubbell #Christmas message #Two visions of america

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agentnico · 2 years ago

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Hello Tomorrow! - Season 1 (2023) Review

Feels like a missed opportunity that this show didn’t once make use of the hit pop song Reach (For the Stars) by staple band S Club 7. Yes, this show is set in a retro 60s, but S Club 7 is fitting for any era of time!!

Plot: In a retro-futuristic world, charismatic salesman Jack Billings leads a team of fellow sales associates determined to revitalize their customers' lives by hawking timeshares on the moon.

Recently I have been trying to validate my Apple TV+ subscription, as in the current day and age where there are a gazillion various streaming services, one has to question which ones are worth the monthly buck. In regards to Apple TV+, the main reason I had the subscription in the first place was due to getting the first year for free with my purchase of the iPhone 11 back in 2020, however that one free year has long gone, and the only main reason having it now is seeing a moustachioed Jason Sudeikis inspire and charm us all in the amazing Ted Lasso series. Speaking of which, my fiancée has just bought me a Ted Lasso Build-a-Bear and I am sorry but I must state that this thing is cute as fudge! It has no right to be this adorable! My sweet Teddy Lasso! Anyway, aside from that, Apple TV+... What is it good for? That’s what I’m discovering, hence why I recently watched the Shrinking show and the Tetris movie. All enjoyable in their own right and feel free to browse my reviews on those earlier on this blog. Yep, that was some shameless self-marketing, and I could not care less. As for my next Apple venture, I have just finished watching Hello Tomorrow!, the season finale of which has just aired, and naturally here I am, your humble servant, talking about my thoughts on the project at hand.

Hello Tomorrow! brings us a retro futuristic world of the 1960s that has been upgraded with very helpful robots that for once aren’t trying to take over the world like in the recent Atomic Heart video game, but instead are only in the background, and more so this is a show about hope and opportunity and dreams. Or at least the single idea of this, as what we have is actually a bunch of con-artists trying to sell to a bunch of gullible simpletons the dream of living in a luxury residence on the moon. Not that I personally see anything appealing about living on the moon, as the grey desert landscape seem to be pretty dull of a locale to look at when walking out of your bedroom onto the balcony, yet these folks seem intent on wanting to go there. Each to their own I guess. Then again this does seem like yet another interpretation on the fabled American Dream - the idea all poor and desperate do their best to strive to, but in turn never reach. In a nutshell we have ourselves a sci-fi critique of capitalism wrapped in a tailored 60s suit. Does it work? Not always. At 10 episodes long, the show does fall into a sense of repetition where we discover early on that the entire idea of living on the moon is all a con, so the show then lingers with the whole ‘will they/won’t they get caught’ case, but without much resolution until the final episode that does offer a multitude of cliff-hangers, evidently in hope of another season renewal. However judging at how Hello Tomorrow! isn’t present on Apple TV+’s Top 10 charts I’m sensing said renewal is very questionable.

The cast are all superb and what make the show so watchable. Billy Crudup’s Jack is simply dripping with pools of charisma and charm as the main salesman and the brains behind the operation. With his wide smile and dapper suits, Crudup is totally believable as a businessman who would totally get folks to belief in this unbelievable dream. Yet his colourful sales team is worth a mention too. Haneefah Wood is immensely likeable as the straight headed righthand woman Shirley, and one that would fit right at home in the offices of Glengarry Glen Ross, where Alec Baldwin would proclaim proudly those famous sales words: “always be closing!”. Dewshane Williams is the ambitious Herb, who is so idiotic and under his wife’s leash that he may secretly just be a genius. And Hank Azaria rounds up the sales team with his usual offbeat persona. Then there’s Nicholas Podany as Jack’s long lost son who gets corrupted by Jack’s sleazy teachings, and their estranged father-son relationship being at the heart of this show. Jacki Weaver pops up in a couple of episodes too as Jack’s wisecracking mother, and Weaver is always a weirdly energetic presence.

Look, Hello Tomorrow! doesn’t break any new ground. Its yet another show about con-men conning innocent gullible people, only in this case the retro setting adds more flair and style to the proceedings. The entire show honestly rides on Billy Crudup’s charismatic lead performance. He’s a sleazebag from beginning to end, yet he manages to convincingly be devilishly likeable and sympathetic, so much so that he manages to get himself lost in his own lie of this ridiculous dream. His Cheshire cat-like grin brings out the ‘character you love to hate’ type, yet one you’re happy to go on this journey with. Jack is a liar and a cheat, but he’s also a dreamer. And in a show that’s all about reaching for the stars, that’s all too relatable.

Overall score: 6/10

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invisiblekatanaartwork · 2 months ago

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Artist’s Blog #144 - Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear (1988)

Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear and the Jolly Chimp Toy

Several years ago, I wandered into my favorite thrifting spot for a break from painting. As I was leaving, I went by the glass case to gander at the items they considered treasure. I noticed a retro toy that I had seen on a movie poster. It was an authentic Jolly Chimp toy – the monkey with striped pants and banging cymbals. I had the attendant let me look at it. The creepy toy’s condition was poor but, the box and the toy were there. I paid the $10 and took the piece home for my shelf. Had it not been for the Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear poster, I wouldn’t have even cared about the creepy toy. Get in your wheelchair and read my thoughts on this George Romero oddity but goodity from 1988.

Discover Jason Beghe’s Early Role in Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear

Unfortunately, I don’t live off investments which means like most Americans I have to work a full-time job in addition to having hobbies. This takes time away but, I make sure to invest my most precious resource, time, into my family. One way I do this is by watching at least 2 television shows with my wife while eating frozen grapes. One of these shows is Chicago PD which features Jason Beghe in the lead role of Sgt. Hank Voight. I had no idea until several minutes into Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear that Jason was also the lead role in it. He was much younger in 1984, and his raspy voice is missing. Sometime after Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear, Jason had an accident that affected his voice. This single fact is what I enjoyed most about this movie.

George Romero’s Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear—A Hidden Horror Gem

In addition to having my mind blown when I realized who was playing Allan Mann, the quadriplegic with a trained monkey assistant, learning that George Romero directed Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear was another surprise. Romero, to me, is like John Carpenter. If their name is on a movie, you can bet it’s going to be great. I’ve blogged on Romero’s Night of the Living Dead and Day of the Dead. As for Carpenter, I’ve blogged on The Fog, Escape from New York, They Live, and Big Trouble in Little China. Each title is linked to the respective blog. I said all that to say that I am a fan of both fellows’ work. With Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear added to my list, I have another Romero film under my belt. I was also pleased to know that Tom Savini did the special effects, wow.

Exploring the Unique Horror Elements in Monkey Shines

Ok, folks, I get it. Fan service sells tickets. I have to say though that it isn’t always necessary. A problem I had with Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear was the hook-up scene with his girlfriend. I have no idea what purpose this served. It had nothing to do with the plot, story, terror – nothing. This scene could have easily been omitted. To me, a better way to have presented this would have been at the very end. Maybe a here’s what you’ve been waiting on scene or something. Let me get this out there too. I’m in no way picking on quadriplegic folks or making fun of the challenges they face. I hope that everyone can live the fullest best life that they can. I just didn’t see a purpose for this scene.

Dive into Psychological Tension

Let’s talk about pets. About a year ago, my daughter and I ran into a lady outside a restaurant that had a pet monkey. My daughter wanted to pet it but, the lady wouldn’t let her for fear of the animal getting sick. An uncle of mine owned a pet monkey for a while and I don’t recall hearing good stories. Monkeys are well known for throwing poop and biting too. So, I don’t see how having a monkey as a quadriplegic is a good idea. This is not a typical service animal. Think about it. I own a Rottweiler, and he can get on the counter, all the furniture, and open doors. A monkey can do this and more. Were you to get that one primate that was a hellraiser, you would be in a world of trouble which leads me to my next point.

The Role of Disability and Dependence in Monkey Shines

Thankfully, I don’t face the challenges associated with being quadriplegic. This takes dependency to a whole new level. My Rottweiler is going to become a service animal for me one day. It will be on a very small level compared to the black lab I saw guiding a blind fellow at the polls recently though. Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear’s main character is dependent on this primate for telephone calls, food, etc. Here’s the scary thing. When the animal goes haywire, what could he do to stop it? He can’t fight with it. Shooting it is not an option. There’s no way to call for help. Think about that level of dependency and then put that into the context of a horror movie. This is the leading point that makes Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear great. On to my next point.

Hollywood - Oh Where, Oh Where Has Creativity Gone?

Hollywood – a question for you – where has your creativity gone? Stream a movie because the days of renting VHS tapes are behind us now and see if I’m wrong. Today, Hollywood offers one of three options. Your choice of a remake of something old and actually creative that they typically ruin or completely destroy. Option two is demon this which caused demon that to attack group of people. Third, you got captured and we’re going to torture you in the most realistic on-film ways possible until one of your friends escapes somehow. Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear is none of these. Instead, it is 100% creative and completely unique to the best of my knowledge – a quadriplegic gets an enhanced monkey trained as a service animal that becomes too attached to him. Year 2024’s Hollywood would never produce something like this – it’s way too creative.

Monkey Shines' Movie Poster - Why The Jolly Chimp Toy?

Back to the poster that I mentioned in the introduction – does anyone know how the movie is tied to the chimp toy? I never noticed a Jolly Chimp anywhere on screen. This is one of my personal favorite posters. The poster for The Attack of the 50ft Woman is my favorite. Yes, I have blogged on this 1950’s Sci-fi gem and you can read it here. Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear has another iconic poster though. Once you see it, you never forget it. This poster grabs me and causes my mind to wonder what is this movie about. You would never guess the plot based on the poster and although it certainly has something to do with monkeys, it has nothing to do with the toy it displays. The Jolly Chimp toy is a creepy creation – especially in real life.

Conclusion - Never Watch Chicago PD the Same Again

All in all, Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear is a great movie. The acting is great, the directing is great, the effects are great, the costumes and color are spot on as well as the writing. The realization that the main character is Sgt. Voigt is great and changes how I view Chicago PD – for the good because it’s a great show. I know very little about wheelchairs except that I will occasionally borrow the one at the makeup store when my wife and daughter drag me in there for two reasons. One, I’m lazy, and two because I like to irritate them. My point – the chair that the character uses (it’s vintage now) is amazing. He’s able to steer it with his mouth. I’m sure that chairs now are even more advanced but, this was impressive technology to see.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this artist’s thoughts on Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear. I invite you to follow my art journey on social media, visit my website, and consider supporting and buying my work here. If you liked this blog or the movie, please share. Also, feel free to comment, especially if you are a fan of this one. I doubt I’ll watch Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear again anytime soon but, it is certainly enjoyable if you dig 80s horror or just unique stories. Also, Chicago PD fans should watch this to see some old-school Voight. Peace.

#retro movies #pop art movie review #Monkey Shines movie #George Romero horror #80s horror movies #indie horror blog #vintage film blog #movie toy collectors #creepy movie toys #cult horror films

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emoshep · 2 months ago

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post-election thoughts

i've spent a lot of time trying to get my thoughts together on how to move forward in the wake of the us election results. after giving it some thought and listening to the advice of some creators, i wanna share some points i feel might be useful. some are more practical, some is more emotional. everything below the break.

the way things are going now, barring something sudden and unprecedented (we're all free to hope and dream of course), donald trump will be the next us president. this is no longer something we can control and we need to accept that. what we can control is our response.

first things first, get some important documents ready, most important being your passport. if you don't have one, get one. if you have one, make sure it's updated. if you're part of any marginalized population or even just a white cishet dissenter (thanks for being an ally if you are), there is a non-zero chance that you may have to flee the country. there are countries out there that will accept americans seeking asylum, that's something to look into and be ready for.

second, get with your community. if you don't have a specific community you're actively involved in, find one and get involved. whatever it is, find something to build community and relationships with others around. whether it's fellow queer people in your area, or civil rights advocacy groups or the local gaming scene or local musicians or the folks in the stands of your favorite soccer team (on that last one: some MLS supporter groups are openly antifascist. not all of them, but some of them. just a thought if you're a sports person). point is, be with a community and be active about forming relationships and building trust with the folks there. both you and they are going to need a support network of some kind, and there's no time like the present.

third, also kinda sorta related to the second, find a political organization and join it. look into the myriad existing organizations out there. join the one that matches your values best and, again, get active and involved. whether it's democratic socialists of america, the industrial workers of the world, the freedom road socialist organization, the revolutionary communists of america, the maoist communist union (cue the mcu jokes), mutual aid disaster relief, socialist rifle association, socialist alliance or whatever. just find an org, join it, get out there with your comrades and allies. minor point: the time for shit talking other leftists over what little differences you actually have has passed. the time for unity is now. not ten years down the road, not within the next few months, not tomorrow. now.

fourth, if you can get away with it talk with your coworkers about organizing a union. unions are good for workers and if what we know about the republican agenda thus far is any indication, we're all going to need a union to back us up. may day 2028 might seem far off but if the uaw plan is put into effect then that'll be an important day for american labor, so the time to organize and make some kind of plan is now. we got about 4 years, make the most of that time.

fifth, and just as important as all earlier points, do not lose hope. the right wants you to feel demoralized, defeated, and alone. don't give them that. whatever keeps you going, be it love or pure spite or the amusement of being an annoying obstructionist and getting in republicans' way, hold onto it. hold onto the people you love and care for. we've lost this battle, but it's neither the first nor last battle for us. hold on, keep your head high, move forward.

last, just remember: you are not alone. you will get through, and you will overcome. the sun will rise on us again. that's all i have for now. check in on your friends, stay safe, take a breath and take breaks as needed.

soon, we're gettin' busy.

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meowstic07 · 5 months ago

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We continue to live our lives in this crazy world. Despite the suffering, the genocide, the politics, the pollution, the hate, we continue on. This world is full of fear, destruction, and discrimination, but we keep fighting.

I am but a child living a privileged life, what I have been through is but a speck in comparison to the cruel world.

No matter what you are going through, you don't deserve it. You are a valid human being, who deserves a safe place.

I know life might suck right now. I know the world we live in is far from perfect, but never give up.

I wish I could do more to help those in need. But for now all I have are my words of encouragement.

Never lose hope. Never stop being you. Never let them take away your voice.

Some people may be assholes, but don't let them stop you from living your life. I hope that one day I can make a difference in this world, but for now I'm just a kid.

The weight of the world is heavy, but we can bear it together. No one person should have to go through anything alone. To rid this world of hate and suffering would be amazing, but for now we must keep living, we must survive, and hold onto to what we care about. I wish you all the best of luck. I hope you get to live your life to the fullest. I hope for your freedom. I hope for your joy. I hope that one day you won't have to worry about your safety. But for now, keep living, keep surviving, keep on being you. You are amazing and incredible just the way you are. You are enough. Your problems may be big or small, but one day you will get through it. I wish I could say it will all end and be better, but the world continues to be hateful. But I hope we can work together for a brighter future.

From the river to the sea let Palestine be free.

My fellow Americans, vote blue. They may be supporting the bullshit country known as Isreal, but they are still better than Trump. I know it's conflicting, but honestly pretty sure Trump would just fuck up the government that is already a bit screwed. We need people that will support us as we are. It is really shitty that they aren't acknowledging genocide, but Trump isn't either, and if you don't vote, chances are a literal criminal will be in the white house again. Right now I can't vote, so please vote for me. Your voice matters. Your choice makes a difference. Please vote blue.

And to those who are doing well, to those enjoying their lives. I'm happy for you. It makes me smile that despite all the bullshit in the world some people still mange to live good lives. Please don't take what you have for granted. And if you can help out in any way to make the world a better place, no matter how small, please do. If you don't have extra time or money, don't feel guilty. You matter and your needs matter. Take care of yourself, but once you have done that it doesn't hurt to take care of others.

Be the change in the world, that you want to see.

I send you all lots of love.

#palestine #free palestine #israel #vote blue #pollution sucks #love each other #keep fighting #free gaza #never give up #fight discrimination #you are enough #zephyr

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missfay49 · 10 months ago

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My boys, the Flying Tigers

A speech at a dinner in honor of the American Volunteer Group of the Chinese Air Force given by Generalissimo and Madame Chiang in Kunming on February 28, 1942, upon their return from India and Burma. The Generalissimo and Colonel Claire L. Chennault, Commanding Officer of the A.V.G., addressed the gathering before Mme. Chiang spoke.

Generalissimo Chiang's address.

Colonel Chennault, officers and men: To be with you American volunteers here today, to observe your excellent spirit and to hear of your achievements fills me with delight and admiration. The American Volunteer Group of the Chinese Air Force has acquired a world-wide reputation for greatest courage.

It is three months since the Japanese, our common enemy, picked their quarrel with Great Britain and the United States. The splendid victories the Volunteer Group has won in the air are a glory that belongs to China and our ally, America, alike.

I have already communicated the news of your repeated successes to your Government and President Roosevelt. The record of what you have done shows that everyone of you have been a match for thirty or more of the enemy. Your friends and relations will undoubtedly have felt boundless pride and elation to hear of your exploits. The blows you have struck at the Japanese have put you in the forefront of the Allied forces fighting the aggressor. You have established a firm foundation for the campaign against his lawlessness which China and American are united to wage. You have written in the history of this world war a remarkable page, the memory of which will live in our minds forever.

As the Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces operating in the China theater of war, I am entertaining you today as my comrades-in-arms and on behalf of my four hundred and fifty million fellow countrymen I salute you, confident that you will continue together with all the Allied forces in Burma to display your valor until final victory is won over our common enemy.

Since you are under my command, I wish to impress upon you your identity with all the other men serving in the Chinese armed forces. Your lives are one with their and mine, your good name is one with their and mine. I act toward you as I act toward other members of the Chinese Air Force. I shall extend to those of your comrades who have given their lives the same mark of distinction and the same care for their families and children. For this I hold myself responsible. I trust that you will perform your duties free from any anxiety on this score. Your task is great. When victory is ours I hope to celebrate together with you our successful issue of the war in Tokyo.

Colonel Chennault's response

Members of the A. V. G.: Never before in history do I know of any military unit such as ours having been accorded the honor such as comes to us tonight. No matter how many decorations we may have bestowed on us in the future I am sure we will never receive more honor than we have received tonight. For five years I have followed the Generalissimo to the best of my ability and I know him to be a leader of the highest principles and greatest determination. He is a leader, not only of China, but of the entire Allied effort. It is easy for us Americans to follow such a leader.

In addition to Madame Chiang's work in aviation, she is also the leader of all the women in China. The orphans and widows of China come to her either directly or through the agencies which she has setup and all receive aid. To me, she is the mother of China.

During this time millions of Chinese soldiers have gone to the fronts and have been killed and seriously wounded. Orphans have been left in the ruins of their homes and in the fields. All of these needed aid and they have been given that aid as rapidly as possible. And how there will be thousands more to feed and educate, to receive medical attention.

One problem, of course, is to provide the money for this. It takes money to do all these things, probably less in China than elsewhere

but even in China money is needed to buy these things. Madame Chiang's generosity is boundless. Her shoulders are always willing to take on additional burdens, but if money is lacking to provide the necessities her work must suffer. I would be unable to recite all that Madame Chiang has accomplished; however, one thing I have not yet mentioned. When the organization of this Group was first discussed in America I was asked for recommendations as to how it would be handled in China. The first thing that I insisted upon was that Madame Chiang should act as our chief staff officer; that Madame Chiang should serve as liaison staff officer between the Generalissimo and the Group. And although she has hundreds of activities that require a great deal of her time she consented to this because of her eagerness for China to have effective military aviation. So, even though you are unconscious of the fact, Madame Chiang has been Honorary Group Commander and Staff Officer of this Group since its organization and I would like to present her tonight as our Honorary Group Commander.

Madame Chiang's speech

Colonel Chennault, members of the A.V.G. and other friends: As your Honorary Commander may I call you my boys? You have flown across the Pacific in China's gravest hour on wings of hope and faith. For this reason not only does the Chinese Air Force but the entire Chinese nation welcome you with outstretched arms. The Generalissimo has already spoken to you of the fine and brave deeds you have done and he has called the A.V.G. the world's bravest air force.

I am very proud tonight that I have had a little share in making it possible for you to fight for China. When I think of the life-and-death struggle which China has passed through these last five years I have before my mind's eye the millions of our people who have been killed or wounded and others who had to flee from Japanese cannon, machine guns and bombers. I also see the rivers of blood which have flowed over our territory, the very lifeblood of China's fairest manhood. I think of the tens of thousands of our women whose honor has been violated by the Japanese and the hundreds of thousands of our little children who have been killed and maimed or else taken to Japan to be trained as traitors to their motherland.

And now you have come here to vindicate us. We have always been resolved to fight until final victory is ours but we lack the air arm which you are now providing. You have come to fight side by side with us. For this I wish to express our heartfelt thanks.

Colonel Chennault has taken an active part in Chinese resistance during the last five years. You boys know him personally. You know what an admirable commander he is and how very selfless. The only complaint I have against him is that he is never satisfied with his own work. I venture to say, too, that he also thinks that you ought to have more work regardless of how much you already have.

Colonel Chennault has just introduced me as Honorary Commander of the A.V.G. I think I am prouder of this title than any other title I've had because I know that you are not only fighting with your bodies and your skill, you are fighting with your hearts and spirits. Just now Colonel Chennault brought to me two of your very fine comrades who have braved death today in the air. They forgot themselves entirely while fighting the enemy because they knew that although they might have to make the final sacrifice their comrades would carry on the great work which the A.V.G. has set for itself. This Spirit, I feel, is the secret of the A.V.G.'s successes.

I was asked a little while ago by one of my officers, "Madame Chiang, some of the A.V.G. pilots are shooting down so many planes that we won't have room enough on the wings for all the stars which they merit. What shall we do about it?" I told him, "We shall have to provide them with an additional pair of wings." And that is what we will have to do if you all keep up the score.

Although you are here in China I am sure that often your minds and your hearts fly back to your loved ones in America, and for this reason I am glad that American is now realizing that China is not fighting for China alone but for American and for the whole world. You, in giving the best that is in you, are doing it for your own country as well as for China. Time and again your Commanding Officer has dinned into your ears the necessity for discipline. Hateful word, isn't it? Discipline in the air, discipline on the field, and yet without discipline we can accomplish nothing and I, as your Honorary Commanding Officer, am going to din more discipline into you.

I would go further than Colonel Chennault. I mean discipline of your inner selves. It isn't enough to observe discipline only. We must have inner discipline so that we may have fully-developed characters. However, I am not trying to make you little plaster saints and I am quite human enough to like interesting people, but I do want you boys to remember one thing: the whole of the Chinese nation has taken you to its heart and I want you to conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the great traditions that you have built up. I want you to leave an impression on my people, and true impress of what Americans really are. I trust and I know that you will act worthily wherever you are in China.

Forgive me for speaking to you like that. Perhaps I should be very polite and say, "Boys, you are just grand. You are little angels with or without wings." But you are my boys. I can speak to your freely. I know that you will understand when I say that I hope every one of you, whether in the air or on the ground, will remember that you are China's guests and that everything you do will reflect credit upon the country which I love next to my own, America, where as you know I was educated and which I always look upon as my second home.

Colonel Chennault just now said something which rather embarrassed me. He spoke to you about my needing money to carry on relief work. I know that money is necessary, Colonel, but I don't want to rope you boys in tonight for this purpose. If I had, this dinner would be very hard to digest, so I didn't do that: but I do want to thank you for what you voluntarily contributed to the war orphans during Christmas. Please don't feel that you have to contribute now, that's one thing I beg of you.

Just one final word. War is not only a matter of equipment, artillery, ground troops or air force; it is largely a matter of spirit, or morale. When I came into this room I felt at once how very keyed-up you are. Now that you have been fighting for a few months, you are full of enthusiasm and pep. That is a good thing. But the greater thing is to gather momentum as each day goes by and not let yourself be discouraged no matter what happens, because as you soar into the skies you are writing letters of flame on the horizon certain eternal truths for the world to see: First, the indomitable courage of the Chinese people; second, the indestructible spirit of the Chinese Army; and third, the deathless soul of the Chinese nation. And so, whatever you

do, wherever you are, remember that such is the China which you have come to assist.

I would like all of you to get up and drink a toast to the two great sister nations facing each other across the Pacific. They now have a bond of friendship and sympathy which serves us well in the crucible of war and which will serve us equally when victory has been won.

(fourth installment)(sixth installment)

#we chinese women #mme. chiang kai-shek #speeches and writings during the first united nations year #fifth installment

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f1ghtsoftly · 2 years ago

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I know a lot of women here are anti religion and intellectually, I agree but also like? Im curious how you engage with the older women in your life? Your culture without, at the very least, religious stories and symbolism? And what do we do without that?

Im…somewhat of a practicing Catholic, I really like spending time with older women and I appreciate this sort of shared compassionate space and how people merge folk magic practices in particular with catholic rite and ritual.

Often like, people like to paint all Christian religions as these patriarchal, colonialist institutions and those institutions are what they are-but they’re also often the only cultural spaces, outside of courts, average lay people had any contact with. Catholic schools were the first places women were educated in Europe, catholic priests, nuns and bishops have not all been paper pushing engines of empire, a great deal of the American labor movement, charitable catholic organizations have . That doesn’t sanitize the history and it does not sanitize the brutality, but to forget it? Especially to forget how people worked for their needs and their goals within those institutions. You don’t have to forgive The Church™️ of course you don’t, their colonizing, child molesting fucks. But you do have to sit on the grass and grapple with the reality your foremothers prayed to their god in the back pews of a catholic church, in the din of a tenement or cottage giving birth, maybe even alone. And you very much have to grapple with the reality that for most women the church is a critical part of their social fabric and….idk. I think it’s silly to change that exactly. A lot of older women have interesting and cool theologies if you ask them about it. They don’t necessarily agree with everything the church does or says or believes. Sometimes they definitely do but idk, dig into why, you can usually, not always, find some common ground.

Class, in particular, and then marriage, motherhood and culture bars women from a lot of opportunities that men might not be. It’s not always wise I think to overlook older women or women in more conservative institutions. Those institutions offer protection from men too.

Our foremothers have buried treasure in those spaces. There are women with protofeminist consciousnesses working in church groups right now probably in your local community. Go hangout, do charitable work. Connect to them.

I think, a large part, of my hesitation around radical feminism is it’s ungroundedness and unwillingness to take stock of women’s suffering. The focus on the new is good it’s a right urge but that also needs to be balanced with some grief, for ourselves and for the women who came before us. It is this refusal to reckon with the brokenness of the woman trapped in patriarchy that leads so called radical feminists to their worst excesses. It’s very easy to call a woman a c*****cker when you’ve never been raped as a child, or are busy pushing those memories away.

From this I hope we can gain a greater sympathy for our fellow woman in the past and the present. The violence and loneliness of this trapped existence, this hall of mirrors between the humanity of woman and the “woman” we are supposed to embody/one which almost always allows total violation of the self, presents oneself as a vessel to the worthy male..is extreme. It is enough to drive one into cruelty and madness a million times over. Count yourself lucky, not strong, to have been spared it’s worst faces. No woman, no matter her mistakes, deserves to be shamed, hurt or forgotten.

And it is in a woman’s little work, her lacemaking, garden growing, candlewax making that we can find her again. Don’t denigrate the tiny ways women have historically found spaces for their creativity, genius…. Above all, I want us to carry average working women who taught their kids the best they could, who served their communities, who grew vegetables and braided hair and took care of their daughters with us. Not all reminders of enslavement are poisonous but rather, precious tokens to the strength of our spirit.

Their are aspects of femininity I will likely never give up not because of fear, not anymore, but because I want women to know that I am with them. I do not mind donning the garb of their enslavement because when one of us is enslaved, when one of us is demeaned we are all demeaned. We share that boulder together. I am no better, no tougher, no stronger than she. I want to meet her hands, in prayer, in communion, in laugher in work with a sort of respect and acceptance women are so rarely afforded in a world that treats violence, even verbal, against women as sport. Against men’s eyes, against the world. I want her to see me as an equal and friend. I am reluctant to empathize with a woman who foolishly believes she is better and stronger than other women because it’s not really true-almost no women are.

#radical feminism #radblr #radfems

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marauderundercover · 3 years ago

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Taking Chances Chapter 9: Heroes and Villains (Discovery)

AO3

It wasn’t the toughest akuma that they had ever faced. But even with both of them fighting, it took too long. So long that her family was sure to be suspicious. Despite the fact that she just wanted to portal back to the hotel where there would be far fewer questions, she knew she didn’t have that luxury.

“Kaalki, if I ask to go to an empty room in the manor, can you do that? I don’t wanna pop out of nowhere. I’m already dreading the questions we’re gonna get about Adrien disappearing.” Marinette asks the kwami, rolling her eyes at Adrien’s annoyed huff.

“If you had just taken me with you to begin with-”

“To the bathroom? Adrien, I know you’re not the best with social situations but even you know that’s weird, right? And besides, there’s no way Dick would’ve let you follow me. He’s hovered every time we’ve been alone.” Marinette reminds him, crossing her arms.

“We were bonding over humor!” Adrien argues.

“Sure! But I still-”

“Ladybug, I can do it. As entertaining as all of this is, the Wayne family should not be kept waiting.” Kaalki reminds her, a small smirk on their face. Marinette’s eye twitches at the reminder of her family. Okay. One problem at a time.

“Okay. I’m trusting you. Tikki, Kaalki unify. Voyage!” Marinette calls, grabbing Adrien’s hand and stepping through the portal. She glances around the room, frowning as she looks at everything. None of it made sense. It looked kind of what she would imagine from-

“Is this the Batcave?” Adrien asks, mouth wide in shock as he slowly turns in a circle.

“Kaalki, dismount.” Marinette says, glaring at the kwami the second they’re visible again. “Care to explain what’s going on?”

“You asked to go to an empty room in the manor. I simply took you to the most famous room. It truly is a crime that you’ve never been in here before.” Kaalki hums, zipping around the space.

“I’ve only been to the manor twice! And this is in the manor? Does Batman work for Mr. Wayne?” She asks, desperately trying to figure out the situation.

“LB, what if he is Batman?” Adrien asks, making her pale.

“He’d figure me out so quickly. Oh god, what are we gonna do? He’s gonna kick me out of the family and I was just starting to be able to breathe around them and think about the fact that they are my family and now I’m going to go back to being an only child and even though Dick can be annoying and I haven’t really talked a lot to the others I really wanted to get to know them and now I’ll never get the chance because I’m a failed superhero who can’t even defeat one measly villain and he’s gonna take away my Miraculous and then he’s gonna be Ladybug but then it’ll be weird and he’ll hate me even more because red is not his color but he’ll be stuck in red because that’s what Paris is used to for the Ladybug costume and we don’t want them to go into shock when I’m replaced and-”

“Who the fuck are you?” A voice asks, clearly angry. Marinette winces and turns, eyes wide when she notices the actual (REAL) gun in Jason’s hands.

“We’re not meant to be here. There was a mistake with transportation and-” Marinette starts, stumbling over her words as she tries not to panic even more.

“Likely story. Don’t fucking move. I’m calling Batman.” Jason says, glaring at the two before pulling out his phone. “Hey B, there’s a situation in the cave. Intruders. No, I have no fucking clue how they got in here. Yeah, there’s two of them. No, no it’s not them. Yeah well I kinda can’t fucking interrogate them by myself now can I?” There’s a pause. “Yeah no, not wearing that. Yeah thanks for that. Well I didn’t- Just get over here.”

“So is Batman coming?” Adrien asks, the excitement clear on his face. Marinette looks at him in annoyance. She loved the boy but sometimes, he had no sense of self preservation.

“Yeah, Batman’s coming. Why the fuck are you here?” Jason asks, the angry look on his face not matching the personality she had seen every other time she’d seen him.

“Why are we here? Why are you here?” Adrien asks, poking. Jason’s eyes narrow and his glare gets darker.

“We’re here to ask Batman for help with a situation.” Marinette blurts, shifting so that she’s slightly in front of Adrien since he kept saying things that were pissing Jason off. Jason frowns.

“Why do you need help from Batman?” He asks.

“Ladybug, Chat Noir. I’ll admit I didn’t expect to see either of you here.” A gruff voice states, walking towards them. Marinette’s eyes widen. Holy vigilante, that's Batman. And he’s not looking at her as a civilian who could be scared. Nope. Now he’s looking at her as a fellow hero and possible intruder. Oh this should be fun.

“Monsieur Batman. I apologize for our intrusion. I meant to bring us to Gotham, to speak with you, but I must have messed up. I’m truly sorry for appearing in your home like this.” She says, extending her hand for a handshake. Batman glances down at her hand, seeming to hesitate for a moment before reaching out and shaking her hand.

“As long as you are here, we might as well talk about the Paris situation. It has recently come to my attention and I’m concerned about the possibility of death in your city.” Batman says, getting straight to business.

“I’m sorry, what the actual fuck is happening in Paris? And why haven’t I heard anything about it? Actually, why hasn’t anyone heard about a situation in Paris?” Jason asks, actually glaring at Batman.

“It doesn’t concern you, Mr. Todd. You may leave now. We’ll have our meeting another time.” Batman says, his tone firm.

“The hell it doesn’t. My baby sister lives in Paris, and I’d be damned if I left her alone in some kind of hellscape where apparently there’s the possibility of a lot of death. Now can someone tell me what is going on in Paris?” Jason yells, his eyes blazing as he glares at Batman. Marinette blinks at her brother, shocked at his reaction. Did he really care that much?

“It’d probably be easier to show you. Do you mind?” Adrien asks, gesturing to the computer. Batman stiffens.

“I’ll pull it up. I’m sure you’re referring to the videos of previous fights. I have them in a folder.” He says, walking over and hitting several buttons. Before long, a video is pulled up on the gigantic screen. A video of the fight against Syren. Of course he had to choose one of the most dangerous akumas. Instead of watching the screen, Marinette watches her brother’s reactions. Flinching slightly as she hears his knuckles crack from how tightly he’s clenching his fists.

“How long has this been going on?” He asks simply, his voice much darker than she’d ever heard.

“Almost two years.” Marinette responds, frowning at him. She hadn’t known him long, and she knew it would be stupid as Ladybug, but Marinette wanted to hug her older brother. He looked pissed, sure, but underneath the initial anger, she could see the worry. And how unsure he was. She couldn’t be certain that all of the worry was aimed at her or the Paris situation, but she knew at least some of it was. And she felt bad for making him worry like that.

“And where has the Justice League been?” He asks Batman, almost snarling.

“There’s no lasting damage.” Marinette says. “Even if the Justice League had shown up, they couldn’t have done anything that Chat or I couldn’t. My power is to erase the damage, and death, done during our battles. So Monsieur Batman, you don’t have to worry about the possible death either. I assure you both, it’s fine. We could use assistance to figure out Hawkmoth’s identity though.” Marinette says, trying to move the subject away from death and injury and the rougher parts of akuma battles.

“I don’t give a damn if the damage isn’t lasting. You remember, right?” Jason asks. Marinette hesitates.

“Well, yes. But the akumatized victims don’t and-”

“No. See, I don’t care about the akumatized victims right now either. I care about the amount of death and destruction and pain my sister has had to deal with alone. What about the people who die, Ladybug? Do they remember that they died? Do they wake up after drowning or burning or being crushed to death and just be told to be thankful that it wasn’t permanent? Or do they get to forget too?” Jason asks through clenched teeth. Marinette stops, thinking of all the times buildings have fallen on her. The times she's watched friends die. The time Tikki had to take the earrings and Marinette woke up after the battle, still able to feel the metal in her chest. The time she saw a world draped in white, only one other person left in the entire world. She thinks of these times, and she sighs.

"No. They don't forget." She says, biting back the wave of emotion threatening to push her under. She can't. She has to focus. She can't break right now.

"Then I don't care about the rest of Paris. What are you doing to protect Marinette Dupain Cheng?" He asks, crossing his arms and staring her down. She blinks. She gets that he's worried, as her brother, but why would they have special protection for one person? She's about to ask when Batman speaks up instead.

"No worries, Mr. Todd. My team and I have been made aware and have prepared a security detail for Miss Dupain Cheng once she returns to Paris." Batman says simply. Marinette's eyes widen. No. Oh no. No, no, no, she can't be watched! How's she supposed to protect Paris if an American superhero and his team are stalking her to make sure she's safe?

"As a former Miraculous wielder, Marinette is already under our protection." She lies, ignoring the shocked look Adrien is giving her.

"I'm sorry, what? Former- She was a hero?!" Jason yells, the panic clear on his face.

"Yes, but she was compromised so she doesn't work with us anymore." Marinette says, hoping to calm him down. It doesn't work.

"She was compromised! And you abandoned her? What the hell is wrong with you?" He yells as he starts to pace the room.

"Mr. Todd, it might be best if you-" Batman starts, holding his hands up placatingly.

"I don't wanna fucking hear it, B. You might be okay with watching a bunch of kids run around in costumes and have near death experiences but I'm not watching it. Not again. Now whatever this meeting is can wait, because my sister is currently missing and Batman over here needs to go find her. Because we need to wrap her in some goddamned bubble wrap because apparently this family is a fucking trouble magnet. And if you two are going to be in Gotham, then you can go help look for her too." Jason says, turning and starting to storm off. He pauses and turns back to the group of heroes- vigilantes?- "And her friend Adrien. I'm not sure how we'll fund him, stupid magic light thingy. But Marinette's gonna be pissed if she gets back and her boy toy is missing." He turns and actually leaves this time. Marinette turns to Batman and raises an eyebrow. A silent question on what the next step is. Batman frowns.

"As much as I dislike taking orders from civilians, he's right. Mr. Wayne asked my team to look for Miss Dupain Cheng. I assume the two of you will stay to help." He says. Marinette shakes her head.

"Unfortunately, we're going to have to leave. But we'll be in contact." Marinette says with a quick smile before calling Kaalki's transformation and creating a portal. Repeatedly thinking 'unused bedroom in Wayne manor, she steps through without waiting for a response from Batman, tugging Adrien along. Glancing around, she sighs in relief when she realizes the Kwami didn't take them to another secret lair.

"That was intense." Adrien says, dropping his transformation.

"I need extra Camembert after that disaster." Plagg says with a smirk. Marinette drops her transformation, stifling a giggle at the annoyed look on Tikki’s face.

"It wouldn't have been a disaster if you hadn't convinced Kaalki to do that!" She says angrily. Marinette’s previous humor instantly disappears and she turns to Plagg.

"Plagg, what is she talking about?" She asks, glaring at the Kwami.

"Now, pigtails, don't do anything rash, but the Batcave was my idea." He blurts out.

"I take offense to that. I brought them there!" Kaalki exclaims with a pout.

"Yeah, but I'm the one who found out. And told you and Sugar Cube." Plagg counters making Kaalki roll their eyes.

"Oh puhlease, you wouldn't have known what it was if I hadn't followed you." They say, chin high in the air.

"So apparently Batman is looking for us. What're the odds Mr. Wayne is just working for Batman and not actually Batman himself?" Marinette asks, giving Adrien a hopeful look.

"I think they're the same odds that no one in your family will ask questions about where we were." He says with a shrug. Marinette groans.

"I can't believe my dad is Batman." She drops her head into her hands, taking a moment to breathe before a thought pops into her head.

"Do you think my brothers are the rest of them? Oh god. Damian is totally Robin, and Tim is Red Robin. Which would make Jason Red Hood 'cause Nightwing's hair is completely black. Oh my god. I'm in a family of vigilantes!" She groans, huffing in annoyance.

"What's so bad about that? They'll be even more likely to help us find Hawkmoth." Adrien says, still looking on the bright side.

"That's if they let me out of their sight. You heard Jason, and Mr. Wayne. They want to put a security detail on me and they think I'm a civilian! What’re they gonna do when they realize I’m a superhero too?” Marinette moans, various situations running through her head. She takes a few steadying breaths to try and stave off the panic. They won’t find out, right?

---

Jason kicks a chair he walks past, mumbling under his breath. Bruce hadn’t acted surprised or anything, so apparently he already knew about the situation. Knew and didn’t say shit to anyone else. Of course he did. Jason would’ve cared a few days ago, sure he would’ve. But now he cares. Because now his tiny sister is in danger and he’d be damned if he let her go back to Paris without protection. Hell, he’ll go with if he has to. Anything to keep her safe. To stop her from dying. Or, dying again. And apparently she was a hero in Paris at some point. And she was compromised. And then abandoned. What a pile of shit. Huffing in frustration, he resists the urge to run back to the cave and start shooting. Instead he walks towards his room to grab the keys he’d thrown in there earlier when he got to the manor for dinner. Turning the corner, he freezes in shock when he sees Marinette and Adrien standing there, Adrien gently patting her back as she looks close to panicked.

“Marinette!” Jason calls, running towards her and sweeping her up in a big hug. He didn’t want to let her go. If he let her go, she’d go back to Paris. She’d have to deal with a supervillain and death and horrible things. She was too young for that. He, of all people, would know.

“Jay. Can’t breathe. Please.” She chokes out. Jason lets her down, then glares at her.

“Where the hell have you been? I thought you were going to the bathroom?” He asks, frowning as she grows even paler.

“Uh, er, I was?” She says, sounding more like a question. He narrows his eyes.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

“Yes?” She asks, eye twitching. Jason sighs.

“If you don’t wanna tell me Pixie Pop, you don’t have to. But you are gonna have to tell B.” He says.

“Batman?!” She shrieks, eyes wide. Jason shakes his head, panic welling up.

“No, why- B’s what I call Bruce. Why would you think I was talking about Batman?” He asks, gesturing wildly.

“Because that’s what you called Batman on the phone!” She counters, freezing the second the words are out of her mouth.

“Wait, what? When did you-” Jason stops, a horrible feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. No. She can’t.

“Wait no, I- oh crap.” She mumbles, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“You’re Ladybug.” Jason says, his ears ringing as he looks down at his sister. Well fuck.

---

Dick sighs, turning around in a circle as he looks at the closing shops around him. Where could Marinette have gone? Why did she leave? If she was overwhelmed they would have driven her back to her hotel. She didn’t have to try and walk back by herself. Especially this late. And in Gotham of all places. His phone ringing tugged him from his thoughts and he answered without even looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?” He says, trying hard to push down the worry and focus on the phone call.

”Hey Dick. I found them.” Jay says, sounding tired. Dick lets out a sigh of relief.

“Where were they?” He asks.

”In the manor. Look, I think we all need to have a talk. You should probably come home. And grab Replacement and Demon Spawn on the way back.” Jason says. Dick frowns. How were they in the manor? They all looked in the manor, they were not there.

“Okay, yeah. On my way.” Dick says instead. This should be interesting.

---

Marinette tries to ignore the burning stare from Jason as she grips onto Adrien’s hand. This could be a huge mistake, but it could also help them find Hawkmoth. And take him down for good. The idea of that is too great to give up. So no matter how much it makes her want to puke with nerves, she’d tell her family the truth. That she’s Ladybug. She was sure they’d understand, being the infamous Batfamily and everything.

“Sorry about that, Timmy insisted on grabbing some coffee on the way back. Where’s B?” Dick asks, and Marinette winces at the nickname. Why her brothers thought it was a good idea to call Mr. Wayne ‘B’ as both Batman and Bruce Wayne was beyond her. They’d had secret identities much longer (though after today she wasn’t sure how).

“Now that we are all here, could you explain why you insisted on this meeting, Jason?” Mr. Wayne asks, sat in the same chair he’d been in when the evening had first started. Marinette glances around at her siblings, smiling softly back at Cass who seemed to be trying to reassure her without signing or saying anything.

“Marinette is Ladybug.” Jason blurts out, instead of dropping the bomb slowly like they’d discussed. Silence. Just as Mr. Wayne opens his mouth, Marinette blurts out:

“Yeah, well you’re the Batfamily!” Oops.

Tag List: @maribat-bdbwm @vixen-uchiha @stainedglassm @liquid-luck-00 @jayjayspixiepop @jjmjjktth @mizzy-pop @trippingovermyfeet @queenz-z @thepaceperson @iloontjeboontje @waiting247 @laurcad123 @toodaloo-kangaroo @ritacrow-blog @deathssilentapproach-blog @kittenmywaythrulife @nerd-nowandforever @when-no-wings-do-broomsticks @imarivers8

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readyplayerhobi · 4 years ago

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La Douleur Exquise

; Horse Hybrid!Taehyung x Lovebird Hybrid!Reader

; Genre: Fluff, angst, smut

; Warnings: Penetrative sex, dirty talk, unprotected sex, creampie, impregnation kink, filmed sex

; Word Count: 14.9k

; Synopsis: Taehyung is in love with his best friend. The problem? He’s a stallion, a horse hybrid who’s basic instinct is to collect a herd of women to protect and procreate. His best friend is a lovebird hybrid and they mate for life. He knows it’s pretty much impossible to be together and that you’d end up hurt, but what happens when he finds out you love him just as much?

; A/N: So, my first fic in like...two months? I started this fic in early July and honestly...I just wanted it finished. If it seems a bit disjointed or something then it was very stop and start...I hope you all enjoy it anyway and that it doesn’t disappoint or anything! It’s taken a WHILE for me to get back into writing (honestly, I almost left lol). Please reblog if you enjoyed and leave me comments and asks!

“Oh...fuck. Fuck, you’re so big, mmm,” The girl on her hands and knees in front of Taehyung moaned, her ass wiggling in desperation as he thrust his hard cock into her soaked pussy. “Harder, please. Please, fuck me harder.”

He hissed as she clenched around him, his entire length disappearing with ease inside her as his hips moved rhythmically. Large hands groped at the globes of her ass, squeezing them and spreading them wide to give the best view possible. Grunting, he slapped at one cheek hard and smirked when she yelped, jerking slightly.

“Such a pretty girl, so pliant and willing, hmm?” Taehyung questioned, his voice low and brusque as he moved hard enough to cause the room to be filled with the sound of skin slapping on skin. “A greedy pussy, so eager for your stallion to get you in foal, aren’t you?”

She moaned in response, her face unseen to him but her body reacted by squeezing around his cock once more. Running one hand along her spine, he hummed in delight before leaning forward and biting down on her shoulder. It was instinctual, something deep in his genes telling him to hold her steady while he filled her up and impregnated her.

His other hand moved down to her clit, the bundle of nerves still soft and silky with her excitement but also swollen hard with her impending orgasm. Years of experience let his fingertips find the exact spot he needed, swirling them in quick circles and making her cry out even louder, hips bucking beneath him.

“That’s a good mare,” He panted, trailing his nose along her neck slowly. “Come for me, come on, you can do it. Tighten that pussy around me and I’ll breed you as you want.”

Her orgasm hit seconds later, body convulsing tightly around him and he grunted, hips jerking forward even more rapidly. She was whining, a babbling mess beneath him as he continued to stimulate her, the effects being just as pleasurable for him too until he too came.

Pressing into her hard, he felt the slight resistance of what must be her uterus against the tip of his cock but she didn’t complain of any pain. One of the benefits of being a fellow horse hybrid was that a mare was biologically compatible with the large cock stallions had. One hand held her hips steady, making sure she didn’t move away as his balls convulsed rhythmically, each time causing his cock to twitch as he continued to ejaculate inside her.

She was breathing hard now, her body covered in a fine layer of sweat that caught the light perfectly and he hummed in appreciation, finally feeling the end of his orgasm. Slowly, he pushed himself upright and licked at his lips as he gave a few, shallow thrusts to wring out his final moments of pleasure and also make sure she got all of his cum.

“You were a good girl for me. We’ll get a nice colt or filly from you.” He mutters, stroking along her back appreciatively. Her skin was darker in certain patches and lighter in others, a result of her American Paint Horse breeding. It was pretty and he let his fingers trail along with the colour distinction.

Finally, though, he pulled out. The noise as he did so was extremely wet, but that was nothing compared to the rush of thick, white cum that slipped out of her used pussy. Pursing his lips, he looked it over carefully before dragging his fingers through some of it and pushing it back inside her. It didn’t matter, stallions were renowned for the large amount of semen they produced and she was probably filled inside.

“And cut!” Called the director, his voice interrupting the silence of the set. Taehyung let out an immediate sigh of relief and sat back, his cock rapidly softening now that the scene was over. His co-star sat up with a groan, stretching to get out the kinks in her back from the position she’d been in for the last ten minutes.

As she did so, the trickle of cum once more became a torrent, slipping down her thighs to collect on the bed. She didn’t pay attention to it and he didn’t say anything, the two of them used to scenes like this by now. Wheein was a consummate professional and one of the best in the porn industry, just like Taehyung.

“That was a good scene,” She complimented him, smiling in gratitude to her assistant who brought a robe that she used to cover herself up with. “Even if the whole ‘dirty talk’ is a little overdone nowadays.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes in agreement, grinning as he accepted the cleaning wipes from his assistant. Without a care in the world, he began to wipe his cock clean as he continued on his discussion with Wheein. She was quickly wiping down her thighs and between her legs as well. They’d both clean up more properly when they went to their dressing rooms but he wouldn’t be seeing her again after this.

Not unless they worked on the same set again.

“Right? It’s so fucking cringe. I wish they’d hire someone who’s an equine if they’re going to write a script featuring two of us. Who even talks like that?” He muttered, tugging on his robe and tying it closed before slipping his feet into the sandals provided to him.

The laugh Wheein gives is sweet, making her entire face light up. She really is a beautiful woman and her body is equally divine, only made even better by her kind and bubbly personality. Not that she’d been able to show that during this scene of course.

It struck Taehyung that she’d probably make a good mare for his herd. Despite the fact they were lamenting how lame the script was that they’d been given, there were some truths to what they’d filmed. A stallion like Taehyung would actively seek out fertile mares from good stock for his herd to breed with.

The better quality the mare’s breeding, the better his foals would be.

At least, that’s what horse hybrids were meant to do. Wheein would probably even agree to it if he asked. He knew that she wasn’t in a herd already and she’d made it pretty clear to him that she’d be open to something outside of their work if he wanted. His deeply-rooted instincts demanded that he take her home and breed her properly, but he just sighed deeply instead.

He may be a horse hybrid, with all the possessive and protective instincts that provided him as a stallion, but he had no actual interest in living his life like that. Which is why he makes a little more small talk with Wheein before leaving to go to his dressing room. The shower he takes is quick, making sure to rub viciously at his body as he tries his hardest to remove any scent of the mare he’d just fucked.

Hybrids were something that had been created long ago. So long ago, no one knew how they were made anymore. The knowledge had been lost in the Hybrid Revolution, three centuries ago when hybrids had refused to be slaves for their human masters anymore. Ever since they’d been treated as equals to everyone else in society.

That didn’t mean that they’d integrated fully of course. Hybrids of different species more often than not stayed with each other or mated with humans. It did happen though, but the differing instincts meant it often was better for a hybrid to simply stay within their species.

Something Taehyung had always found amusing though was the fact that even within their species, a lot of hybrids would only mate within their own ‘breed’. Wheein was a pure American Paint Horse, coming from a long line that could be traced back to when the humans had been breeding horse hybrids for manual labour, protection services and sports purposes.

Back then, the humans treated hybrids exactly like actual horses. They had a studbook and would breed stallions to certain mares to produce characteristics they wanted. Placid nature, easy to work with, intelligent, quick to learn and so forth. When they’d been released, the breeds had continued on the studbooks to this day.

There were plenty who didn’t follow that ideology, of course, Taehyung’s parents were not the same breed after all, but a lot seemed to put stock in being ‘purebred’. It was just another way to act superior in his opinion.

Besides, his parents may not be from the same breed but he was still technically a breed all of his own. His mother was an Arabian while his father a Thoroughbred, meaning he was a breed called an Anglo-Arab. That was considered a breed in its own right, though perhaps not as prestigious as either of his parents.

Whatever he didn’t care about all that. Taehyung had no real interest in following the cultural norms of his heritage. And the reason for that was waiting for him back at his apartment. The thought of that spurred him into cleaning up even faster, making sure he was squeaky clean before pulling on the clothes he’d removed earlier in the day.

Glancing in the mirror once finished, he sighed deeply and looked himself over. A quirk of his kind was that they looked distinctly hybrid in ways that didn’t match others.

A dog hybrid may have the ears of a spaniel while a cat could have the tail of a Persian. Horse hybrids didn’t have any of their animal counterpart’s physical characteristics though, no tails or ears or anything like that. But their animal genes had manifested uniquely in their skin and hair.

If someone was a bay then they would have brown skin in a range of shades while their lower arms, legs and the space around their mouths and nose would be even darker and their hair a luscious black. Taehyung blended a little better than most other horse hybrids, but for others like Wheein, it was more obvious. Her skin was covered in patches of alternating dark and light while her natural hair grew in white and dark brown.

He knew that certain breeds had distinct characteristics as well. An old high school friend was a Friesian with coal-black skin and the most luxuriously thick, wavy black hair. One of his Taehyung’s siblings, on the other hand, had a Lipizzaner mare in his herd; her skin and hair was snow white. It certainly made them easily identifiable.

Taehyung wasn’t quite so obvious. His palomino colouring was visible; pale white hair that was a little too long and softly tousled matched with rich golden skin. Broad shoulders tapered down into a slim waist, currently covered in a loose white button-up. His hair was still wet, dripping onto his shirt while his strong thighs and calves were contained within equally loose-fitting tan trousers.

He didn’t look like someone who’d just filmed pornography, but then again, what did that look anyway? Just a person? Still, he felt a small sense of satisfaction at how well he was going to blend. The last thing he wanted was to go home and have it look obvious what he’d just been doing, even if it was his job.

Chewing on his lip, he grabs his leather cross shoulder bag and exits the dressing room. He promised to get takeout tonight, and he wasn’t going to renege on that deal.

“I have food!” Taehyung calls out, placing the bag of takeout he’d just picked up on the kitchen counter before shrugging off his jacket. By the time he gets back from hanging it up, you’ve already emerged from your bedroom and are pulling plates out of the cupboard while trying to see what he’d gotten.

“What did you get? Chinese?” Looking up at him with a raised brow, Taehyung’s heart stutters for a moment at just how pretty you are. There’s not a trace of makeup on your face right now, you didn’t bother when you were at home, and yet you were still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

Like him, you were also a hybrid. The two of you had met in the first class of freshman year in college and had quickly become best friends, despite the differences between you both. He’d also fallen deeply in love with you at some point, even though he knew nothing could happen.

Just as he was driven by the instinct to have sex with multiple women to form a herd, you were driven by your instincts. Only yours were dictated by your lovebird genetics, which meant that you were strictly monogamous. As in, once you entered a relationship and truly fell in love with them then you would never have another relationship.

The antithesis of a horse hybrid then. Taehyung had long known that it meant he would never be able to be with you the way he wanted. You craved monogamy and it simply wasn’t in his genes.

So he’d stayed your best friend, and for the last five years since finishing college, he’d also remained your roommate. The two of you shared a mid-sized apartment in the city centre, close to the university that you worked at as a music professor and within easy driving distance of his workplace.

“No, there’s a new Ethiopian place that’s opened close to work. Seokjin was telling me about it it’s a vegan restaurant and I thought it’d be cool to try it out. No idea what you’d like, or what I’d like, so I just got a bunch of things to try.” Smiling at you, he starts to pull out the carefully packaged food and chuckles as you ‘ooh’ at it all.

“Oooh, I’ve never had Ethiopian food before. I’m excited.” And then you turn that blinding smile onto him and he has to let out a deep breath as slowly as possible to stop himself from doing something silly. He’s long been used to his feelings yet you still make him feel like a teenager again.

Once everything’s out, the two of you take it over to the little table that’s set up between the kitchen and the living room and lay it all out. You quickly dart over to the fridge and grab some water for the two of you before settling down and humming in excitement as everything is unpackaged.

Like Taehyung, you didn’t have many physical attributes of your animal side. Which would have been exceptionally strange given the difference between humans and birds. What you did have though, were black irises to match your pupils and the most exquisitely beautifully coloured hair. The front was a blend of peach, yellow and red which slowly morphed into the familiar lovebird green.

It was all-natural and incredibly pretty, suiting your face and personality so well. The original purpose of lovebird hybrids had been as companions due to their loyalty to their partner alongside musical pursuits. Not everyone was great at music but more often than not, lovebird hybrids tended to excel at singing.

Taehyung loved to hear you sing. Or play the piano or any of the other instruments you’d learnt how to play over the years. You were practically a prodigy when it came to the musical arts and he would forever be in awe of just how talented you were.

Your singing was one of the reasons he’d fallen for you so quickly; your buoyant and always effervescent personality had made him determined to befriend the sweet lovebird hybrid in his class. But it was your singing that had truly captured his heart.

The sweet sound of your voice could be as light as a dandelion seed on a summer breeze or swell as loud and strong as a hurricane. He’d been immediately fascinated the moment he’d first heard you sing and it had never let him go. Taehyung genuinely couldn’t imagine his life anymore without hearing your singing around the apartment; from the quiet songs when you were concentrating to the ones you belted out when you were in a happy mood.

He loved it all. As cheesy as it would sound, he just knew that his life would be dull and quiet without his music-obsessed, colourful, chatty best friend. Which was why he couldn’t give up the small hope of something with you. It was a tiny chance, but as long as you remained unattached then it was there all the same and he would grab onto it tightly.

“Did your shoot go well today?” You distract him out of his wayward thoughts with your question and it takes a few seconds of it to truly penetrate his mind and for him to understand. Almost immediately though, it causes him to twist his lips as he begins to spoon out the food he wants from the containers onto his injera, Ethiopian flatbread, that covers his plate. He hated talking about his job to you. It was like a reminder of what he couldn’t have every time.

But he was a big boy, so he took in a deep breath before looking back at you and giving you his trademark boxy smile.

“It went okay, nothing went wrong which is always a good thing. Wheein was nice and very pleasant to work with, good at her job. The script was just as bad as I originally thought.” Snorting at the memory, he takes a mouthful of food and chews thoughtfully as he takes in the new flavours.

“Let me guess...full of lots of over-the-top horse innuendos and dirty talk?” Chuckling to yourself, you take a drink of cold water before tilting to your head to look him over carefully. Taehyung pauses, unsure of himself for a second before quirking his brow at you.

“Yeah, something like that. I shouldn’t be complaining really...no one watches what I make for the dialogue.” He’s very aware that there’s a slight pout to his lips as he looks back down at his plate, missing the way your expression changes to one of sympathy and protectiveness.

“Well...true I guess, but you’re a great actor outside of that. And I’m not just saying that to you because you’re my best friend TaeTae. You’re genuinely good.” Now he does look at you, taking in the way you look at him with concern and he feels a flare of guilt rise in his stomach. Taehyung would never let you know that the only reason he’d started to work in the pornography industry during college was so that he could satiate his desires without dating multiple women or accidentally creating a herd.

The fact that he was still doing it, seven years after beginning, was because he still held out hope. He knew that he could’ve been something better, entered the world of television or film acting, maybe even theatre. But it would have meant having to flaunt an unending trail of women in front of you.

At least he had a valid and acceptable reason for fucking so many women as a pornstar. The fact that he had no emotional connection to the women who worked alongside him now was a bonus, allowing you to see that he was more than capable of leaving his work in the studio.

Giving you a tight smile, Taehyung nods his head in appreciation. “Thanks, chirp. I appreciate it. And I know, but I think it’s too late now. Too old, you know?”

“Pfft, no way. There are loads of actors who didn’t start their careers until they were older! And no offence, but you’re a guy so you’ve got the kind of lifespan that most women aren’t allowed. You’re only twenty-nine!” The outraged response from you is almost immediate, the piece of injera almost flying out of your hand at your reaction.

Thankfully, you’d just eaten the vegetable wat that you’d scooped up already so there wasn’t any risk of the floor or wall being decorated with Ethiopian stew. That would just be a waste of some good food in Taehyung’s opinion.

But that was irrelevant.

What was relevant was your vehement defence of Taehyung and his talents. The two of you had had this conversation many times over the years and yet it never failed to make him smile. You were adamant he could do better and he knew that he could too. But he didn’t want to. Despite how good his acting was, he had no real interest in actually taking it up as a career outside of porn.

He didn’t care for the lifestyle or travelling or fame. Porn worked well for him at the moment. It satisfied his instincts, it paid well enough and he had a manager that ensured Taehyung only received the best directors, co-stars and films.

What Taehyung would love to do, was to work in fashion design. He loved putting together interesting and unique looks while also thinking up ideas for clothes. His best friend, Jimin, had started a clothing brand of his own a few years ago thanks to the money his parents had loaned him. It was doing pretty well so far and Jimin was constantly sad that Taehyung wouldn’t join him.

The older man, he was only two months older but that meant everything to Park Jimin, had tried everything he could think of to lure his best friend into his company. From offering a creative director role to his sub-brand that would operate almost independently from the parent brand, Calico. And Taehyung had promised him that he’d accept one day.

He would as well. Just not yet. It wasn’t time yet.

“Thanks. Anyway, how was your day? Didn’t you say you had some exams this morning or something?” His segue into another conversation works like a charm and you happily begin to complain about the exams that you’d given your freshman students today. It still boggled his mind that you’d willingly insert yourself into college life again, even if it was in a teaching role but you seemed to thrive in the social aspect of it all.

The two of you continue to talk until there’s no food left, every single piece happily was eaten. Admittedly, most of it was eaten by Taehyung as he had a far larger appetite than you did. It was even bigger today given the workout he’d done during his work hours but you’d been content to hand over what you didn’t want to eat anymore.

Or rather, you’d been content to feed him what you didn’t want. Something he’d had to get used to very early on in his friendship with you was that you retained the instinct to feed those you were close to. That’s what you’d told him anyway, though if he was to be entirely honest he hadn’t seen you feed anyone else before.

Then again, none of the friends you both shared in common was the kind of people who would accept being fed, no matter how much they liked you.

It’s a few hours later that you’re both ready to go to bed; eyes sleepy and movements slow after watching three episodes of The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina while curled up beneath the couch blanket as you both digest your food. Taehyung could have happily fallen asleep where he was, the warmth of you not close enough for him to feel but your scent strong enough to lull him into a peaceful slumber.

“I’m going to bed.” You say loudly, causing him to jerk awake quickly as you push the blanket off your body and stand up. It’s not as quick as you’d normally be but the stretch you give combined with the extraordinarily big yawn lets him know you’re pretty tired.

Not a surprise. It was after 11 pm now and you’d been up since 5:30 am to make sure you had everything set for your classes. A slight wobble as you lose your balance causes him to jump up, resting a hand on the small of your back gently to provide careful assistance while he reaches for the remote with his other to turn off the television.

“Careful, you’re gonna hurt yourself.” Taehyung chuckles, kicking away the blanket which had also become tangled around your feet. A quiet hum from you lets him know that you’re more tired than he’d initially thought.

Not saying anything more, he runs his free hand through the pale blonde strands of his hair as he directs you towards your bedroom. The door is closed to the outside world, unlike his, but the interior is familiar to him once you open it up.

One of the habits you had that came from your lovebird side was that you liked to nest. Which meant your bedroom had everything you loved arranged exactly how you wanted it. Your bed was a canopy style, completely cocooned away from the world except for the entrance. He’d been in once or twice to wake you up when you’d been late for something and he would admit to being fascinated by just how dark and...comfy it all looked.

Soft sheets, multiple fluffy pillows and more covered the top of your bed. He’d love to see what it was like to sleep in it one night because it looked like it could easily be one of the comfiest nights of sleep he’s ever had. A bonus would be if you slept next to him.

One of the more fortunate, or unfortunate depending on how you looked at it, aspects of his heritage was that Taehyung could sleep anywhere. He’d even been known to sleep standing up, which meant that he wasn’t that bothered about what his sleeping space looked like.

Taehyung knew it was something of an honour for him to be even allowed in your bedroom, to be honest, given how protective and territorial you got over your own space. It had been amusing for him to realise this at first, particularly given he wasn’t particularly bothered when it came to his own physical space but upon realising you wouldn’t let anyone else in, he’d used it as a badge of pride.

To himself, of course. No one else would care or even be surprised that your best friend and roommate was the only person allowed in.

Shaking his head, he wishes you goodnight before closing your door quietly and heading to the bathroom for his nightly ritual. The downside to being a porn actor was that he had to follow a proper skincare routine to make sure his skin looked the best. Because obviously, people were paying attention to his beautiful face instead of his massive dick.

Not.

Still, it helped to book more shoots. He had a ‘statuesque’ face that appealed to women or something. So he went along with it and had, admittedly, fantastic skin as a result.

The last thought before he finally fell asleep was that he was pretty sure the oversized black sweatpants you’d been wearing were his.

Taehyung doesn’t get to see a whole lot of you in the next few weeks. He’d ended up having to travel for a shoot that lasted a week and by the time he got back, you were on a much-needed vacation with your friends. As such, he was getting a little grumpy at the lack of interaction with you.

Which was entirely the reason that he’d almost jumped on top of you when you’d finally walked through the apartment door; three long weeks after seeing you last. You’d let him know that you’d be coming home today and he’d had to wait as patiently as he could on the couch, pouting at the fact you hadn’t accepted his offer of going to the airport to meet you.

But with everything in the apartment turned off, he’d used his superior hearing to the best of his abilities and had listened as hard as possible for your footsteps. After so many years, he knew exactly what you sounded like when you walked.

So when he finally heard that familiar beat, alongside the rolling of the wheels on your suitcase, he’d leapt up. There may even be a hole in the wall from how forcefully he’d yanked the door open, his excitement causing him to not pay attention to his strength for a moment before he’s giving you the biggest and brightest grin he possibly can.

“I missed youuuuuu!” Whining loudly, Taehyung wraps his arms around your waist and lifts. The squeal you let out soon dissolves into laughter when he spins you around, mentally marvelling once more at how light you were while his sense went haywire with you so close again. He could feel the softness of your hips as he lets you down, smell the soft peach of your shampoo along with the slight hint of sweat after so long travelling.

It was perfect, and something deep within him relaxed.

You were home. You were safe.

“I missed you too, Tae! Can I please actually come in?” Your laughter is sweet, infectious as always and he stands to the side to let you enter the apartment. Without even asking, he gently takes the handle of your suitcase from you and lifts it with no complaints, heading over to your bedroom.

Given he’s not facing you anymore, he doesn’t see the way you practically swoon at the sight of him using his strength so casually. Or the way you almost drool at his broad shoulders in the plain white shirt he’d thrown on today, the muscles working in a way that made your hands twitch.

“Did you have a good time? Please tell me that Yeji doesn’t have some embarrassing story again this year,” While your yearly vacations with your friends were mostly for sunbathing and catching up, he knew that you all enjoyed re-enacting some college years and that copious amounts of alcohol were drunk. “And I’m not saying about you, I mean just embarrassing full stop. I’m still feeling secondary embarrassment over two years ago.”

“A story which will forever remain buried, thank you very much. But no, we were good this year. Or rather, we weren’t good but I think we’re starting to get a little too old to be drinking so heavily, you know? We can’t recuperate the same way and I get hangovers way too easily. I do not have the physiology to cope with their drinking levels!” There’s a slight whine to your voice, making him smile in amusement as he moves over to lean against the doorway of your room.

While he was fully welcome into your space, he knew that you liked it to be your own. Especially when you’d been away for a while.

“Well, I mean...you are a lovebird. I don’t think there are many alcohol-tolerant birds out there.” That gets him a subtle glare, your pretty lips puckered into a pout. It’s an innocent action, something that shouldn’t bother him in the slightest, and yet his heart stutters and his stomach twists on itself.

What he wouldn’t give to kiss you.

Shaking his head, he tries to force the thoughts out of his mind. Honestly, he was perfectly fine when he was away from you. But when you were around, it was like you were all he could think about. Still, it was hard not to when you looked at him so fondly.

“True. There’s no need to point that out though. Salt in the wound much? Anyway, it was fun. They kept trying to get me to swim in the sea but like...no thank you. Water is for drinking and washing, not for swimming around in.” You’re crouched down, unzipping your suitcase and pulling out the dirty clothes before separating them into the individual bins you have.

Unlike Taehyung, who simply separated his clothes when it came time to wash them, you were very tidy and had bought fancy clothes hamper with three sections. This was probably why Taehyung would accidentally end up with a shrunken shirt or pink underwear from time to time. You paid far more attention to that stuff.

“Swimming is fun though.” Is all he responds with, standing back when you carry the laundry hampers past him. Putting the colours into the washing machine, he watches quietly as you add everything before turning it on. It was fascinating how you’d only been home for less than ten minutes and yet you were already cleaning things up.

Not that he’d made the apartment untidy or anything. It’s just you had a different idea of what was clean to him.

“Okay but, you can say that because you’ve got those shoulders to cut through the water. Not to mention you’re strong anyway. Not so fun for the rest of us. And I don’t mind swimming in a pool. Where I can see the bottom and the size is posted. The ocean though? That’s huge. No thanks.” Smirking, he flops down onto the couch and sighs happily when you push him up before sitting down yourself, letting him rest his head on your thighs.

There was no convincing you though and Tae gave up on the argument pretty quickly, not that he was trying too hard. One thing he’d learnt long ago was that you were perhaps the most stubborn person he’d ever known. It was an endearing trait, most of the time.

“Did you audition for that role?” Your question is innocent, soft fingers trailing through his hair that would have him purring if he was a cat hybrid. Instead, it was just making him get the urge to groom you in turn, his fingers twitching with the need. Ignoring it, he forced himself to just enjoy the touch.

“Yeah. Not sure if I’ve got it though. I got the feeling they weren’t looking for someone like me in the role.” It wasn’t surprising really and he wasn’t offended by the producers of the film he’d gone for. Even porn wanted specific people for specific roles sometimes; it would be silly to think he could get every role he went for.

Not to mention exhausting.

“Well, they’re missing out then,” You say, scratching his scalp until he hums in delight. “Anyone who doesn’t want you is missing out.”

Your words make his heart jump, his breath stuttering as he inhales and wonders if there’s a double meaning to that. But you’re too busy watching the show that you’ve started on Netflix to notice Taehyung’s existential dilemma. Part of him is glad, but there’s another part that wishes he was brave enough to bring it up.

He chooses not to engage with it though, instead just sighing and letting himself relax into the cushions of the couch. It’s nice to be surrounded by your scent once more and to feel your warmth.

“I appreciate that, Chirp. But I’m not letting it get me down. Sometimes they just can’t handle all this.” Gesturing half-heartedly to his body, he’s pleased to hear you laugh at his joke. The sound is sweet, even if the two of you lapse into a comfortable silence after that.

You’re too busy watching your show while he’s half dozing off, eyes closed and breath getting deeper as he starts to drift away. It’s comfortable on the couch, with the temperature just right and his body perfectly relaxed. Which means it’s unsurprising that he falls asleep pretty quickly, completely unaware of anything that’s happening around him as he sleeps.

Taehyung is more than a little disoriented when he finally awakens; the room dark and silent with the lights and television switched off. Frowning, he blinks rapidly before rubbing at his eyes with a hand while sitting up. Stretching his arms out above his head, the groan he lets out is one of relief as stiff muscles relax and a few bones crack.

Reaching out to the coffee table blindly, he grabs his phone and winces when the bright light almost blinds him. Unfortunately, he hadn’t been hugely blessed with the better night sight horses had. Well, he could see better than humans but nothing amazing. Didn’t make it any better when he was subjected to bright light suddenly though.

“Ah, fuck.” He curses, squinting until he can finally focus on the screen. It’s not too late, but it’s a good two hours or so since you’d finally gotten home. Frowning, he just sits there for a moment as his mind finally catches up with the fact he is awake.

Yawning loudly, he finally pulls himself up and decides he should probably go shower before collapsing into bed. Taehyung hadn’t even realised he was tired, but it could have been the comfort of knowing you were back and safe. It wasn’t like he was some over-protective asshole who needed to know your every movement - more that he just felt more content when he knew you were okay.

Walking to his room, he’s scratching at his exposed stomach lazily when he hears the sound of your voice. The door leading to your bedroom is firmly closed but there’s light at the gap on the bottom. His enhanced hearing means that he can easily hear everything you’re saying, which is nothing new.

Over the years though, he’s learnt to carefully block out anything you’re saying when you’re in your room. You deserved your privacy, even if he couldn’t help the fact that he could hear everything perfectly.

And that would have been exactly what he would have done right now. Just carried on through to his bedroom and continued with his plans. Only he can’t help but stop when he hears the familiar syllables of his name. Taehyung knows it’s wrong, but the way you said it is different than normal.

He can’t help but listen, expression curious and his head tilting without even realising it. Your conversation is one-sided but he pays careful attention, still in the middle of the hallway.

“-you know Taehyung, he’s always being attentive and sweet. It’s just his nature, he’s like that with everyone. Yuna...it’s just Tae. He hugs everyone, you’re looking too much into it,” There’s a longer pause now, presumably your best friend talking extensively to you. “Come on, isn’t that what you always tell me? We haven’t seen each other in a while, it’s not surprising he got all touchy.”

Taehyung frowns, lips twisting as he begins to understand a little. Or at least, he thinks he does. If he’s right, Yuna thinks that he likes you. His cheeks heat up as he realises how obvious he’d been with his feelings, even though you make a good argument against it. But you’re wrong and Yuna is very much right.

He does like you, and he’s not quite as touchy-feely with everyone else. Taehyung isn’t even sure how you got that opinion. The only other person he’s remotely as affectionate with is Jimin, and that’s only because he’s known the calico cat hybrid since they were babies. Tae’s mom had worked with Jimin’s mom for decades now, which meant they’d grown up with each other.

“Yuna,” Your whining now, voice going high pitched and your words getting longer. “I thought you were the one who was telling me that I need to get over Tae! And now you’re telling me he’s obviously into me? Make up your mind, woman! Do you want me to ignore my feelings for him or consider telling him? And no, you can’t backtrack in a week or so like you always do. This is serious. I’d be humiliating myself by telling him.”

It’s almost like the world has paused around Taehyung. For a second, he almost feels dizzy and has to rest a palm against the wall as he sways. Your feelings...for him? Did he hear that right? Was he twisting your words into what he hoped you were implying?

Before he can contemplate it anymore in his mind, you go on to say something that shatters the norm for Taehyung.

“It would be humiliating Yuna, you know that. You know what I am, we’ve talked about this. God, I can’t tell Taehyung I love him because then that’s it, I’ve sealed my fate and I won’t be able to get over him. It’s already hard just trying. Having him know? I can’t, not when he can’t give me what I want.” There’s a pain in your voice and his heart twists, stomach bubbling in a way that almost makes him want to vomit as his world changes.

You love him. You. Love. Him.

“It’s not his fault Yuna, we’ve gone through this so many times. I have my instincts and he has his, I’m not going to get angry at something we can’t change. Please...can we just talk about something else? Something that’s not going to make me cry and spend all night thinking? We agreed that we’d try to get me over this, dammit.”

That’s the last thing Taehyung hears as he walks quickly back to his room, having decided that he’s heard far too much of a conversation he clearly shouldn’t have heard. Guilt roils in him, flooding his veins as he flops down onto his bed and stares at the white ceiling of his room. He feels dazed and confused, not sure what he’s meant to think about this sudden change in events.

Taehyung being in love with you was something he’d long ago accepted. But he’d also accepted that nothing would happen from it because of what you wanted in life. Finding out that you wanted him too was game-changing. It was also heartbreaking to know that the only reason you both weren’t together already was because of his instincts.

Suddenly, he sees his career in a whole new light. What was a coping mechanism for him to reduce his innate desires and allow him to give you all the best bits of himself, was probably pure pain for you. The knowledge that you loved him was both exciting and, surprisingly, horrifying.

He knew that love birds would only have one partner, and from what he’d read over the years it meant they only really truly loved one person. If you felt this strongly for Taehyung then did that mean he’d stolen any other choices from you? He’d been holding back to make sure you had a chance to be happy but had he just made it worse?

Swallowing thickly, Taehyung realises there are tears in his eyes as he wonders if he’s ruined everything. The logical part of his mind knows that it’s not his fault if you’ve fallen in love with him, just like it wasn’t your fault he’d fallen for you. But he certainly hadn’t done anything to truly push you away, to try and get you to find someone else to fall in love with and enjoy a happy life.

Had he been selfish?

Rolling onto his stomach, he buries his head into his pillow and lets out a yell. It’s a good job your hearing is only on the level of a normal human because he was positive the extended noise he made would have brought you running otherwise. And he needed to think right now.

There’s probably a solid ten minutes of silence in his room as he lays there, unmoving while his mind races through all his options. If he admitted that he’d overheard you, then he would probably embarrass you. Taehyung would jump at the chance to finally date you, but he knew that you wouldn’t be able to cope with his career.

You were supportive of him now, but you weren’t in a romantic relationship with him. And he doubted you would be comfortable with the knowledge that he was coming home to kiss, cuddle and have sex with you after having done the same things with random women earlier in the day.

If he was honest with himself then Taehyung knew that he wouldn’t be happy with that too. Despite how he was raised, his mom had been one of many mares in the herd his father had kept over the years, he wanted to be the one for you. Which meant he wouldn’t be content to do things with other women that you only wanted to be done.

He wanted the traditional relationship that many horse hybrids would wrinkle their nose at.

So, he had to figure out how to navigate that.

Lifting himself, he grabs his phone and opens up Google. Taehyung didn’t know many horse hybrid’s who wanted to have a monogamous relationship, but he had met a few over the years. Racking his brain, he tries to remember what they had talked about when he’d queried how they could cope with only being with one partner for life.

Despite his interest in the topic, he’d been young at the time and had still very much enjoyed sleeping with as many women as he could. His feelings for you hadn’t quite become what they were today, so he hadn’t listened too intently. Taehyung regretted that now. Tapping his lips for a moment, he contemplates what to write before he begins to type his request into the search engine.

Horse hybrid hormone inhibitors.

It’s three weeks later when Taehyung finally feels comfortable and knowledgeable enough to make a move. He’d made an appointment with his doctor the very next day after overhearing your conversation. He specialised in hybrid care, in particular those for equine hybrids like Taehyung along with the rare donkey or zebra.

Which meant he wasn’t all that shocked at Taehyung’s unusual enquiry. He probably got the occasional query from an equine hybrid about how to be monogamous. It was rare but not unheard of after all. What had shocked him though, was the fact that it was Taehyung asking it.

Kim Taehyung, the infamous porn star who had built a living on his ability to fuck his way through multiple women on camera. Who had his damn fanbase based almost purely on his cock for god’s sake? It was embarrassing to think about, but he’d known what he was getting into when he’d signed the contract in the first place.

He wouldn’t lie and say he didn’t enjoy his job because he did. Taehyung hated that he did, but the sex with many women helped to alleviate all those deeply held instincts and urges within him. Still, now that he knew about you he had no intention of carrying on with his career. Not when he had a chance.

Which was why he’d admitted his feelings towards you to the doctor. Something he’d never thought he’d end up doing, but once everything was out in the open then his doctor was far more understanding of Taehyung’s request. Even encouraging of it. Taehyung was pretty sure that he found the whole story a little sweet and romantic.

Either way, they’d worked out a plan for him to make his life easier if you accepted him. Medications that he would need to take to reduce the overwhelming instincts that drive his hybrid nature and would allow him to engage in monogamy. The idea of that was unbelievably exciting and he’d begun to take his medication only days after the appointment.

After that, he’d gotten together with Jimin. Their weekly hangout usually occurred in a bar, a restaurant or sometimes just hanging around one of their apartments. His best friend had shrieked with delight when Taehyung had explained his predicament and what he was doing to go forward with.

Which had led him to finally asking Jimin if that job offer was still on the plate if everything went right. Taehyung wanted to finally pursue his dream of being a fashion designer and it was so tantalisingly close. He was on the verge of finally having the life he’d always wanted. Hopefully with you.

The first week of being on the medication, which reduced the high levels of testosterone he produced and helped to inhibit his base reactions, had been rough as hell. Taehyung had been on the verge of calling in sick for the first time to a shoot, his body struggling to cope with the change in his body. But he’d pushed through and two weeks later, here he was.

Nervous as fuck and waiting for you to finally come home.

Everything all depended on if you’d accept his request to start a relationship. A serious, romantic relationship that was entirely monogamous. If you said yes, then he had a lawyer all set up to break his contract and a contract just waiting for him with Jimin.

Although really, he’d be quitting his job no matter what happened. He was tired of the porn scene, even if he’d met some wonderfully kind and talented people there. Taehyung had finally decided that he would be moving on with his life and accepting the job with Jimin.

It was up to you whether you wanted to be alongside him, and in what capacity.

The pizza he’d ordered for you both arrived at the same time you came home; a large box of vegetable pizza held in your hands and amusement in your pretty eyes. It makes him smile brightly to see you happy, knowing that you’re pleased he’d taken care of dinner tonight. Especially as it was from your favourite pizzeria; six different kinds of cheeses combined with peppers, onions, eggplant, tomatoes and spinach.

Your favourite kind of pizza, alongside a bottle of red wine that he’d already filled a glass with to let it breathe. The amusement soon turns to suspicion, your brow rising as you kick off your shoes and shrug off your coat.

“What’s all this about?” Gesturing at everything, you settle onto the couch next to him with your legs curled up beneath you. Taehyung bites his lip, sighing softly before reaching out and opening up the box. He doesn’t explain for a few minutes, just letting you both eat a slice of pizza while he watches his beer on the table.

He felt like a teenager, his stomach fizzing with a combination of excitement and nerves that almost makes him feel nauseous. Maybe he shouldn’t be eating right now, but he hasn’t been able to eat all day so far. There would be no use in making himself ill. It would be mortifying for him to throw up all over you.

By the time you’ve eaten two slices, Taehyung has only managed one. But he’s decided that he’s waited long enough. It’s time.

Taking in a deep breath, he lets it out slowly before clearing his throat. After so many years of being friends, he knows that he can talk to you about anything. There are many memories that he’d much rather forget that you’d seen of him, such as that awkward time when he’d had an upset stomach and hadn’t been able to get to the bathroom quick enough.

Not his finest moment and you’d gagged more than once but hey, it was all a bonding experience. Right? Or was that just his opinion on it?

Still, Taehyung found himself pausing; his words sticking in his throat even as he mentally told himself to pull it together. You’d seen all his low points and his highpoints, he did not doubt that you would treat his question with the respect it deserves. But it was still a worry that you might turn him down.

Maybe you’d finally found someone else and wouldn’t want him anymore. The thought made his chest hurt, but he had to know. He had to get the answer to the question that had burned in his thoughts for years now. If you rejected him then he’d be hurt but he’d get over it, especially if it meant you found your happiness.

So why was it so hard to get the words out?

“Hey, are you okay?” Your shoulder bumps into his, pretty face dipping low to catch his eyes. He should have known that you would have realised there was something wrong, or that he wasn’t quite being himself. The way you look at him with such worry and concern makes his anxiety melt away, causing him to smile before he nods.

“I have something to ask you. I mean...you can say no. Please don’t worry about that, if you don’t want to then tell me no. I’ll accept it, I promise. You know I’d never try to force you, right?” He winces, realising that he’s messing this up already given the way your brow creases in confusion. “I mean, god I’m fucking this up. I’m sorry. I just...I have to be honest with you. I accidentally overheard your conversation the other month. I didn’t mean to, it was when you’d come home after your vacation and I’d fallen asleep so I was going back to my room and I overheard you.”

Taehyung is babbling, and he realises that when you gently press a finger to his lips. It would be nice to say that you didn’t look bothered, but there was fear on your face that made him feel sick.

“I believe you.”

Your words are so soft and he almost hums in delight as you run your fingers through his hair, grooming him without even realising. It makes him smile, both at your steadfast belief in him and how you always want to be touching and cleaning him in some way. His fingers itched with the desire to groom you in turn.

He restrained himself, fully aware that if he did then it’d just end up being one half an hour of you both trying to clean each other. The perils of two social hybrids who both have a culture and instinct for grooming. Not what he wanted right now.

The reassurance you give him, combined with the unwavering belief in your eyes, convinces him to just say it. To just get it out and lay his cards on the table. He was nervous, sure, but he’d been nervous many times in his life and he’d overcome all of those moments.

“I heard you say that you like me. In a romantic way. I was really surprised at hearing it, mainly because I didn’t think you’d ever looked at me that way before. Not when I’m the opposite of what you’d want in terms of a relationship. But I want you to know that hearing it made me the happiest I’ve been in a while. Because I like you too. And I have done for a while now. Years.” He says it all with a carefully neutral face, watching you carefully to see if he can gauge your reaction.

For a moment, your expression is a perfect picture in neutrality. The Switzerland of faces, giving nothing away and not letting him see anything that’s going on in your head. It’s frustrating for him when he’s probably feeling too much, but he doesn’t push. Just waits to see what you’ll say.

“What?”

Okay, so perhaps not the eloquent acceptance of his feelings that he’d expected. But it’s not an outright rejection. He can work with this, there’s potential here.

Licking his lips, he takes a deep breath before carefully shifting until he’s facing you on the couch. Your eyes are so wide, shining in the light and making him think it looks like you hold the secrets of the universe deep within. He can’t help but smile at it, at how young and innocent you look.

Smile at the tentative hope he thinks he can spy.

“I like you, Chirp. Like, like you. Probably would use a stronger word if I wasn’t already afraid I’m scaring you away. I know that I’m not what you’d want in a partner, which is why I’ve never made a move over the years. But I’ve always hoped, which is why I never got a herd of my own,

“I love being around you, I love hearing you sing and laugh, I love talking to you, I love hearing you talk to others, I love how you’re so affectionate and always want to groom me along with chatting my ears off. I never said anything though, because most of all, I valued our friendship. And I knew that you wanted someone who could be your life-partner, something I wasn’t sure if I could be.” Taehyung pauses, twisting his lips before looking down at his hands.

“But then I heard you talking and I realised that there might be a possibility. A small one maybe, but I knew I had to at last try. Something I want you to know though is that everything I’m about to tell you that I’ve done has been done for myself because I finally realised that I have to move forward with my life. So, firstly, I talked to my doctor and I’ve started some medication that helps to inhibit my instincts when it comes to relationships and sex.” Pausing, he eyes you to gauge how you’re taking the news.

The head tilt you give is very birdlike, causing him to chuckle without even meaning to. He can’t help it though, not when you look so sweet right then with your bright hair and big eyes.

“I don’t have the urge to have sex with lots of women or make my herd anymore. We talked about it extensively and decided this would be my best course of action to allow me to have a healthy, monogamous relationship. Because of that, I’ve also quit my job and taken up the offer Jimin’s been giving me for years now.”

Despite the fact he’s mid-confession to you, the excitement in his stomach at that very moment is more to do with the fact he was going to finally have his dream career. That he was going to be doing a job which he’d been wanting to accept for years.

Understandably, his words cause you to suddenly gasp in delight before you’re clapping your hands eagerly. The excitement and happiness are purely for him finally taking proper control of his life, ridding himself of the pornography career that he’d enjoyed but hadn’t loved. Something you’d known for a while now.

“Oh my god? You’re going to work with Jimin?! You took the job! TaeTae, I’m so happy for you!” Even though he’d just admitted to you that he was near enough in love with you, your emotions were purely focused on the fact he’d taken the job. Feeling your approval and genuine joy at his life change, he can’t help but give you a wide, boxy grin even while the apples of his cheeks turn a soft rose.

“Thanks, I think Jimin was more excited than anyone to be honest. Pretty sure he’s already organising a design space for me in his building alongside an office. Makes me feel kind of bad for waiting so long to take him up on it but I feel like I’m finally at a place in my life that I’m truly ready for that career change.” That seems to remind you of what he’d told you earlier, about his medication.

Your elated expression slowly fades and he watches in trepidation as your brow creased, the mood dimming. Were you unhappy with his choice? Taking a deep breath, he holds it for a moment before letting it out slowly.

“I want you to know that there is no pressure on you. For anything. I’m going to continue taking this medication because I want to focus on my new career without having to worry about any urges taking over. The side benefit to it means that...well,” He pauses for a moment. “I can have a proper relationship. Or at least, the kind of relationship that you’d want. If you want that. With me.”

There’s complete silence in the room and Taehyung feels the sudden urge to grab another slice of pizza and start eating. Just for something to do with his hands and to distract himself.

He doesn’t push though, just lets you process what he’s told you. It was a lot, so he wasn’t even particularly expecting an answer tonight. If he were being honest, then he wouldn’t be surprised if you took yourself off to your room for the night. Or even went to one of your friends to talk it over with them.

But as usual, you surprise him. You may be small and dainty compared to him, light as a feather and full of cheer, but your personality has always been big and bold. Which is why you tackle the topic head-on.

“I didn’t mean for you to hear, you know that right?” Is your first question and Taehyung nods quickly, reaching out to encompass your much smaller hand with his own. There’s nothing too familiar about the gesture, just a squeeze of reassurance to let you know he understands and isn’t mad or anything.

“I know. It was entirely my fault. I should’ve carried on as soon as I heard that you were talking but I just heard my name and...well.” He trails off, giving an awkward smile that causes you to smile in return. The gentle pressure on his hand makes him realise that you’re now trying to assuage his fears that you were annoyed.

“Hey, it’s okay. You may not have too many physical features of your animal side but you’ve got plenty of their abilities. We both know that you can’t control the fact that you can hear much better, so I don’t blame you. Nor do I blame you for stopping to listen. Especially when you realised what I was talking about,” Now it’s your turn to look abashed, gaze skittering away from his and down to your still joined hands. “I’d have done the same thing if I heard you talking about me.”

Swallowing, Taehyung wonders how he’s meant to respond to that. He didn’t know what he’d say anyway as his stomach feels like it’s full of butterflies suddenly. Really big, horrible butterflies that are making him feel nauseous.

“So yeah, I’m not angry or annoyed over that. Please don’t worry too much. If anything...I’m kind of glad. Because it means you’ve confronted this head-on and now we both know how we feel about each other. Which is that we like each other. A lot. In case it wasn’t clear, I like you too. Really like you. But I also thought it wouldn’t work because I know what I want and need from my partner in my life and I knew that your instincts clashed with that. Again, not your fault. You can’t deny nature and I tried to make sure that you never felt like I was.” There’s a hint of something in your voice but Taehyung can’t figure it out.

Pain? Embarrassment? Worry?

Whatever it is, he doesn’t get a chance to query it because you forge on. The sweet lovebird he’d known for years seems to be wavering between shyness at talking about your feelings and determination to have everything laid out.

He can understand the feeling.

“You know, I’ve fantasised about this for years, but now that it’s happening-”

“You don’t know how to communicate what you’re feeling and it’s all way more awkward and not nearly as romantic or sexy as you’d imagined?” Taehyung finishes for you, biting his lip as he grins broadly. You snort in amusement before nodding, playing with his fingers for a minute or so as you try to rationalise it all in your head.

“Did you go on whatever that medication is...for me? Like...because you wanted a relationship? With me? I know you’ve said it’s also because you wanted a career doing something you’ve always wanted but…” Trailing off, you can’t seem to look him in the eyes.

Carefully, he uses his free hand to lift your chin until he can see you. There’s a brief moment where you try to avoid his gaze before you give in, staring back just as deeply. Nerves, fear and hope are warring within him and he imagines that he can see it reflected in your own eyes.

“I’m not going to say no because overhearing your conversation was what spurred me to talk to my doctor. Finding out that you liked me back and that I might have a chance with you made me want to try to make sure you get the best of me. I knew that there are horse hybrids out there who have monogamous relationships and who are happy, but I didn’t think that would be a possibility for me. And given what I was doing for my career, I thought it was just better to carry on as I was,

“But then when I was talking to him about it all, I realised that it would help me in other aspects of my life too. Yes, I could finally offer you the kind of relationship that you want and that I want to have with you, but it would also let me leave behind the porn and start focusing on what I want to do. You know that I’ve never really been one of those stallions who wants a herd and the porn helped me to get rid of those urges without giving in to them properly. I looked into it for you, but I took it for me.” Licking his lips, Taehyung realises that he feels lighter.

Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he realises it’s because of what he’d told you. He’d been convinced that he was doing this to have a chance with you in the way he’d always dreamed of, but it was startling to realise that it was having such a positive effect in the rest of his life. For once, he was no slave to his instincts and had full control over himself, his emotions and his desires.

Just the thought of never having to do another film filled him with joy and happiness.

“Good. I wouldn’t want you to have changed yourself for me. But given that you have...what does it mean? Tell me.” Those pretty eyes, so big and wide, watch him intently and he gives a small half-smile as he shrugs with one shoulder.

“I mean...it’s basically like an inhibitor I guess? Reduces the amount of testosterone I produce, makes me less reactive to the scent of mares in heat and all that. There’s a whole bunch of medical stuff that I don’t understand but I just know what the doctor told me. It’s safe, it’s been tested many times before, and if things don’t work out, then I can come off them and be back to my old self. It just means that I won’t have the desire to have a herd or to...well sleep with multiple women, you know? Let’s be monogamous, a one-woman man. Finally.” Chuckling to himself, he runs his fingers through his pale hair so it’s out of his eyes.

“So...we could be together? Like...in a relationship? Just me and you?”

“Yeah. The doctor said that as long as I’m on the medication then I’ll be like any other human or hybrid who doesn’t have a poly instinct. Not that there’s anything wrong with that obviously, but it means we can be together. In the future, if you want to be in a relationship or something...then if we decide to have kids or to not have them, I can get gelded and that’ll get rid of the instincts permanently.” Now your eyes widen in horror, hand covering your mouth as you gasp loudly.

“Gelded? They’d castrate you?” There’s a glance down from his face to his groin from you and he can’t help but laugh at the thought. Even if it does make him want to cup his balls protectively.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay! It’s okay! It’s just a vasectomy. Because I’m a stallion, it’s called being gelded. After that, I’d be officially known as a gelding. No longer able to have babies and with no real instinct to make my herd anymore.” Thankfully you look relieved at that and he wants to tease you about being so worried about his testicles. But instead, he just feels happy that you don’t tease him in turn about talking about potential babies already.

That’s a good sign.

“Okay. Okay...so, let’s think about this logically. I mean, is that being too cold? You admit that you like me back and you’re on medication to allow us to be in a relationship and I’m saying we need to think logically?” Taehyung pauses you with a finger to your lips, a smile on his own before he carefully wraps his arms around your shoulders.

He makes sure to give you plenty of time to make sure that you can pull away if you want to if you’re not comfortable with this, but you don’t. Instead, you almost seem to relax into him and link your arms around his waist. You can probably feel his heart beating through his chest, the muscle working extra hard while he feels a little breathless.

It’s not the first time he’s held you, but it feels different this time. There’s something more intimate about it and he can’t help but take a deep breath in, enjoying your scent.

“It’s fine. I’m kind of glad because I’ve made a complete mess of explaining myself here. So at least one of us can think more logically about it.”

“You didn’t do a terrible job. I mean...I’m certainly not going to vote for you or anything but it wasn’t bad. My question to you then...are we dating now?” And just like that, Taehyung’s breath is taken away. To the point, he almost chokes on his spit and ends up having a coughing fit.

Directly into your face, ruining any hint of romance.

Yep, he’d truly fucked this confession up. Taehyung was just lucky that you’d known him for so long that it just made your nose wrinkle as you wiped at your face with your shirt, grumbling lightly before pushing his shoulder.

“Gross.”

“Sorry! I wasn’t expecting that though! I mean, you just straight up asked. I was expecting like...more talking and exchanging feelings. More awkwardness.” Leaning away from him, you give him a very droll stare that makes him wince. Well, at least it was awkward now.

“Sorry for not living up to those weird expectations I guess? I just figure that we’ve spent long enough dancing around each other, right? I don’t want to waste any more time or have any more miscommunication so if it’s too abrupt for you then I’m still not sorry. I like you, Kim Taehyung. And given what you’ve told me, and what you’ve done for me, I want to finally have that relationship I’ve been wanting for so many years.” The authoritative tone in your voice is more attractive than he’d expected, causing his brow to rise.

Feisty.

“Okay. Yes. Yes, we’re dating. Together. We’re together. Boyfriend and girlfriend. I need to shut up.” Clamming up, he forces his mouth to shut and for his muscles to remain still. In reality, he wants to jump for joy and scream out that this was happening. Even if part of him is embarrassed that he’s incapable of talking now.

It’s all worth it though when you give him a huge smile, so big and bright and full of happiness.

“You’re cute, you know that?” Now he’s blushing; cheeks high and a delightful rose as he tries to contain his smile. He’s supposed to be cool, the epitome of an educated man who is extremely experienced around women. And yet here he is, acting like a teenager getting his first girlfriend.

“Not what I normally get called.” You’re the one who looks a little shy at that, your eyes darting away from his as you bite at your lip. There’s a hint of nerves to you now and something else, something he can’t quite figure out. The way you wiggle slightly in place has him frowning in confusion, wondering what’s made you suddenly so quiet. This was the behaviour he’d been expecting from you, so it felt a relief to finally get it but also strange given how confident you’d been.

“What’s wrong? Where’s my bold girlfriend gone?” Gently poking your waist, he tries to ignore the thrill that rises inside him when he calls you that. It was going to take some time to get used to it.

Thankfully, it also manages to breakthrough whatever shell you’d suddenly formed around yourself. Grasping his hand with your own, you let out a soft whine as he continues to prod at you and he quickly intertwines his fingers with your own. For a moment, he’s too busy staring down at your hand in amused awe to remember what he’d asked you.

“Your hand is tiny, you know that?”

“No, you just have huge hands. All of you is huge, just like all of me is small. The difference between a horse and a lovebird.” Now it’s your turn to push at his stomach, a small smile on your face. Taehyung grins at that, but he grins, even more, when he catches your eyes flicking down to his lap.

It all clicked into place in his head, from the way you got shy at him saying he’s not normally called cute to the way you call him huge. You’re not wrong; Taehyung is massive when compared to you. Denser bones add to it at all, allowing him to lift and move heavy weights with ease whereas you’d developed a lighter bone structure that was more reminiscent of birds.

Taehyung had never broken a bone before, whereas you had to be careful doing certain things. But the size difference between you both was made even more obvious when he thought about sex. He was bigger than most human and hybrid males down below, and he wondered if there was something wrong with him that the knowledge you knew that turned him on.

Not that you’d ever seen him naked or anything, but you weren’t stupid. He was infamous in the porn industry for a reason.

Which suddenly made him consider something, his head tilting slightly as he narrowed his eyes at you.

“Have you ever watched my stuff? Like my films or anything? I know for a fact that some of them are on those free porn sites.” Biting his lip, he watches closely for any positive sign. One of the benefits of being a horse hybrid was that he was highly attuned to microexpressions in others.

Originally meant to watch out for danger and keep himself safe, it was more useful for getting an idea of where a conversation was going. It also made Taehyung feel very stupid that he’d never noticed you were in love with him before.

He doesn’t need to have any extra abilities to read your face right now though, not with how you look almost like you wish the floor would swallow you whole. You can’t even meet his eyes and it delights him.

“You have!”

“No! I wouldn’t do that, you’re my best friend. That’d be weird.” Taehyung can sense the distress in your voice and he forces himself to tone down. He had no issues with the idea of you watching his stuff; if anything it was a turn on. But this relationship was so new that it had barely been born and he didn’t want to push your boundaries just yet.

Still, he felt like he had a right to know.

“Hey, listen to me, it wouldn’t bother me if you did. I actually would find it a turn on to know you’ve watched me. I hope you weren’t upset though, I only did all of that to satisfy my instincts so that I could enjoy my time with you. But I made those films and videos for people to enjoy. If you got off to some of them that I’d consider it a job well done. Don’t feel embarrassed if you did.” Using his free hand, he lets his fingers trail along your cheek. It’s warm beneath his touch, the blood rushing in response to your tumultuous emotions and he reassuringly runs his thumb across it.

“You’re...you’re not bothered by the idea of that?”

Taehyung chuckles at your disbelief and shrugs genially, making sure to portray an aura of calm and serenity. The only thing that bothered him about the idea of you watching his videos was that he was already sporting a semi at the very thought of his supposed ‘innocent’ best friend watching him railing some mare.

Which should be a terrible thought, but it just meant that he was all the more experienced for you. There would be no doubt in his mind that he could show you a world of pleasure that you’d never even imagined; as pompous and egotistic as that sounded.

Sex was his area of expertise though.

“I mean...I knew it was a risk when I started. I make porn. Porn is available freely on the internet and I fully expected some of my friends to be at least a little curious. Plus, there’s the whole ‘horse hybrid’ thing going on. I don’t tend to get embarrassed easily around sex. If anything, it’s kinda exciting knowing that you’ve seen some.” You’re giving him a look of pure confusion and he can’t help but laugh heartily.

Oh, he loves you. He loves how befuddled you are at his refusal to adhere to your expectations. Given how reserved you were normally about sex and relationships, it was delightful to shatter your illusions surrounding him and make your perusal of his work sound like a benefit rather than something to be ashamed of.

“So...what did you think? You’ve never given me a rating before, so I’m curious.” Once more, your eyes dart away from his and he has to stifle a snort at how you suddenly find the wall so interesting. The artwork on there was nice, he’d picked it out himself, but it wasn’t that nice.

He doesn’t push though. What he wants is for this relationship to start on trust and honesty. So if you want to trust him enough to be honest about your opinion then he’d accept that. If it was still too early for you; he’d accept that too.

“It was good. I mean, I haven’t watched much. It was years ago and only a few minutes before I felt weird. Like I was spying on you. That’s it though! I swear I haven’t seen anything else. It felt like I was...perving on you or something.” Grasping at his hands desperately, you give him such big eyes that try to get across your honesty.

It makes his lips quirk in amusement and he links your fingers together once more, squeezing lightly. For a few moments, he considers how to respond to you before deciding to just go for it. Which means he slowly leans forward to you, eyes flicking down to your lips and giving you plenty of chances to pull away and leave.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s a little bit of a relief, knowing you’ve seen at least something. But most importantly...can I kiss you?” Taehyung swears you deflate, your entire body seeming to relax with a deep breath you let out.

He’d be worried if it wasn’t for the huge grin that you have painted on your face now, the delight making your skin almost glow with health and happiness. It’s a beautiful look and he feels like he’s enraptured once more, falling in love with you all over again. At least now he has an outlet for these mushy feelings.

“Finally!”

There’s only time for Taehyung’s eyes to widen in shock before you’re shaking your hands free of his own and grasping at his shirt. With a surprising amount of strength, you jerk him forwards and his lips crash against your own. That’s the only way to describe it, as it kinda hurts. His lips mashed against his teeth a little and his nose bumps against yours, causing him to whine.

You let him go almost immediately, looking intensely embarrassed as you rub at your mouth and nose. He does the same, making sure that there’s nothing wrong with his beloved nose while licking at his lips to soothe the dull ache. But then he can’t help but laugh, the sound bright and rumbling up from his chest as he contemplates what just happened.

Every time that he thought you would zig, you instead zagged. Over the years, he’d learnt to go with the flow with you in regards to this with his friendship but for some reason, he’d never quite realised that it would be much the same with a romantic relationship. You defied his expectations and made him feel like he was constantly on his toes.

He loved it, including when almost headbutted him with your first kiss.

“I am so sorry-” You start, your eyes wide and worry emanating from you. He shakes his head, trying to stifle his amusement before reaching out and cupping your face with a gentle touch.

“Okay, how about we try this again but...a little slower this time, yeah?” Keeping your face steady, he inches forward until he can feel your warm breath on his cheek. You’ve already closed your eyes in anticipation and he has to squash the desire to grin, instead fulfilling both of your wishes by pressing his lips against your own.

It’s a soft and gentle kiss at first, exploratory and uncertain. Neither of you knows how to kiss the other properly, or what the other likes, and so you both simply...take your time. Taehyung’s thumb strokes along with the softness of your cheek while your hands flatten against his chest, palms hot where they rest.

He’s kissed a lot of women in his life; some he’s proud of, some he’s not and some he doesn’t even care about. But this is the best kiss so far. Even as slow and unsure as it is, it’s still the best.

Because it’s you.

There’s more than a hint of inexperience in your kiss and it doesn’t surprise him. He knows that you’ve at least kissed a few people before, but you didn’t have a huge amount of experience in it. Instead, it’s just enough that he feels comfortable but not enough to have you take the lead.

So he does, instead. And given how bold you’d been earlier, he takes the initiative to be bold this time as well.

With almost minimal strength required on his behalf, he slips his hands down to your hips and grips them tightly, lifting and depositing you onto his lap without breaking the kiss. He doesn’t even make a noise as he does so, your weight nothing to him.

His ancestors had been bred for heavy lifting and pulling, after all.

What he doesn’t anticipate though, is the way you moan into his mouth or how you wiggle slightly at his action. Pulling from you, one brow lifts as he looks you over inquisitively. His question is silent, but you understand it immediately. There’s nowhere for you to look now, not when you’re so close to him.

So you stare at his chin instead, carefully avoiding his eyes as your hands move to play with his soft hair. The blonde strands are almost golden instead of platinum in the soft light of the nearby lamp, just visible in his vision from where you stroke them.

“I forget how strong you are sometimes.” The words are muttered and he gets the impression that you’re hoping he doesn’t hear. And that he won’t query it further. But he does, of course, he does.

“Do you have a strength kink, Chirp?”

“Wha-no! That’s, why would I-” Spluttering, you lean back a little and take a moment to shuffle until you’re more comfortable on his lap. Your legs are on either side of his now, comfortable in their almost kneeling position but most of your weight is on his legs. He takes the opportunity to wrap his arms around your waist and tug you closer, enjoying the warmth you give him.

“It’s cool if you do. I can fulfil that. Not yet though, if that’s okay. But I need you to know something right now. I don’t want us to have sex right now. Not yet. Since being a teenager, I’ve been obsessed with sex. An unfortunate side effect of being a stallion. For the first time in my adult life...I don’t feel an insatiable need for it. And it’s kinda nice. I don’t want us to start our relationship with sex. I want us to explore each other and our relationship first and then introduce sex. I need to learn that sex is something intimate and between only us now. I’ve spent too long viewing it as work.” He tries to make sure that his words are carefully said and that he’s not rushing them, but now he’s the one a little nervous.

You’d been far bolder than he’d ever expected and now he was worried that you might expect sex from him immediately. It was an easy, even acceptable, assumption to make given what he was and his career. But he didn’t want that. As he’d said, he wanted to start this relationship with love and trust.

Lust could come later.

There’s no answer from you for a moment and he sighs, letting his hands awkwardly stroke at your sides in an attempt to give them something to do.

“I’m sorry if that’s not what you were expecting. Or not what you wanted. I’m a little surprised you’ve been so forward with me and-” A soft fingertip presses against his lips, causing him to quieten instantly.

Smiling softly, you lean forward and kiss him. It’s just as chaste as the one previously, only you’ve controlled yourself a little more compared to your first attempt. He takes solace in it though and now his body is the one deflating. There’s a silent acceptance in that kiss.

When you finally pull away from him, he finds himself chasing after you. It’s an odd sensation for him to do that without any intention of going further but he finds that he likes it. There’s no doubt that you can feel what’s going on in his pants; he can’t control everything after all but just because his body is saying yes doesn’t mean his mind is.

And you accept that. He can tell instantly, from the reassuring smile you give him and how you embrace him so warmly and carefully.

“It’s okay, Tae. I’ll admit to being a little disappointed but I can understand your reasoning behind it. And I’m not going to force you to do something you don’t want to. I know you’d do the same for me. I guess it’s just going to make it better when we finally do get to it, right?” Teasing him, you stick your tongue out and poke at his cheek.

Almost immediately, his nose wrinkles and your laugh lightly. For a moment, the sounds are almost like chirping and he can see your lovebird origins so clearly. That was to say nothing of the fact that you were now subconsciously grooming his hair, fingertips running through the platinum strands and getting rid of any unfortunate kinks or knots.

“Thank you.” He whispers, letting his hands wrap around your waist until he’s hugging you. It takes minimal effort to have you plastered against him, head resting on his shoulder as he embraces you so tightly. You smell heavenly, and he wonders what he did to be given the chance to be with you after so many years.

“Can we go on a date though? I mean...like now?” Tilting his head back, he frowns before looking at the table and the pizza boxes.

“What? Where? We’ve already eaten?”

“Okay, but I’m kinda horny and you’re kinda horny and I think we both need to talk a walk and cool down. So...how about we have our first date? I’ve been waiting a while for this, Kim Taehyung.” Your smile is so big and bright, dazzling him and making his stomach flutter.

He doesn’t even realise he’s nodding until you practically launch yourself from his lap, rushing over to the door and chattering away. If he was being honest, he had no idea what you were talking about as you quickly pulled your shoes on and sorted out your bag.

Taehyung didn’t even care, because he’d done it. He had the girl he’d been in love with for years, who he’d been certain he had no chance with. You could regale him with a thousand and one tales and he’d listen to them all with a content smile because he was yours, and you were his.

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