#and I have moved onto other new
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Will u ever write a part two for Lion's den??🥹🥹🥹🥹🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
Oh nonnie, sweet nonnie
No. I know I said I might, but no. There are a few fics I dabble with the idea of writing more for, but lion’s den ranks pretty low on that list, and in general I wanna focus on exploring newer ideas and plots rather than going back and adding more to older stories
#the intention was there#alas too much time has passed#and I have moved onto other new#terrible ideas#rhi answers#but I appreciate the love!!
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So.... why'd Peri get assigned Dev as his first godchild?
Jorgen’s usually not the one in charge of assigning godchildren. There’s an entire department that weighs and classifies potentail Godkids to the right Fairy. Although it’s on strike at the moment.
So Jorgen has to do it by hand, until the union negotiations are resolved. Turns out trying to use paperclips is very hard. Itty bitty paperclips. Big muscular biceps. Not a good combo.
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
Peri's Assignment: [Previous] > [Next]
#fairly oddparents#fop#fop a new wish#fop timmy turner#fop timmy#timmy turner#fop jorgen vonstrangle#fop jorgen#jorgen vonstrangle#asks#itty bitties fop au#you'd think they'd have automated everything what with technology advancing to how it is today#but nah.#institutions are very slow to update or switch onto new tech or new efficient system. so everything's still on paper at the moment#(<- upset that most of the court systems in the u.s still rely on paper trails and refuses to digitize important documents)#anyways the department's in negotiations which means jorgen has to pick up the work to ensure no other fairy crosses the picket line#which means handling itty bitty paper clips for itty bitty papers#the amount of paper clips that have lost their lives because he accidentally snapped or bent them.... o7#ALSO.#I THINK IMMA MAKE A NEW POST FOR THIS BUT#I THINK IM GOING TO ADD A NEW LINE OF LINKS FOR THE PLOT-RELATED POSTS#THAT WAY YOU CAN JUMP BACK TO THE IMMEDIATE PREVIOUS PLOT LINK#WITHOUT NEEDING TO JUMP THROUGH A THOUSAND OTHER UPDATES THATS BEEN PUT BETWEEN THEM#when i go back to the chimmy moving plot and the timhazdev argument plot i'll also do the same thing
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Finally done with the fullbodies for all three of these characters for a new project! I’ve been working on these designs for the last couple of months, and I’m super fond of them and excited to write more about them 💚
#fractalized#fantasy#character design#dnd#(ish? this started out with a forgotten realms setting but is rapidly moving away from it the more i work on it)#illithid#oc#original#digital#salira#velglovax#naltrin#maybe i actually work on this for nanowrimo#maybe i actually DO nanowrimo instead of using it as a weapon against my artblock like i did last year LMAO#its nice having a brand new creative project#all my other stuff feels stale and heavy and ive been so wrapped up in wanting to execute my ideas perfectly since ive held onto the#onto them for so so long#theres just too much baggage on my other projects right now#so#new thing time!! :D#anyway#expect a lot of velglovax art. i am in love with him.#FJDFNJDGNIDFSKC
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The pain, the despair, the unmitigated agony of seeing one of your fave fanfic writers move onto another fandom, seemingly never to return.
#stinks to see how many rrr fans have dipped out#on the one hand: I totally get it cuz it’s a single movie and maintaining unlimited enthusiasm for it indefinitely#is an unreasonable expectation#BUT ON THE OTHER HAND!#I’m autistic and actually can maintain unlimited enthusiasm for something pretty much for life lmfao so I can’t relate#I also just feel sad to see how fandom culture moves so much quicker now#cuz there’s a constant never-ending deluge of ‘content’ assailing us from all sides#at all times#so it’s very easy to just burn through something and move onto the next thing#like fast food#not to get snooty about it but it does just feel like another symptom of the ever-increasing SPEED of consumption culture#and the shortening of attention spans that coincide with that#idk at the end of the day I’m just weird for forming lifelong attachments to films & shows#that I rewatch over and over again forever instead of getting into new stuff#so I secretly wish everyone in my fave fandoms could be like me and we could exist in a non-commercial state of suspended time forever#I can dream
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Something that always annoys me is the idea only 1 language learning method works. Which is not true. While it may be possible that, for a particular individual, only a few out of many study methods may work well enough for That Individual to make progress and stay motivated... that doesn't mean all the other study methods won't work for anyone else out there, or that those few methods will work for every other given person.
Obviously if you've been studying a while, then you already figured out what kinds of things work for you and don't. If you're a beginner, just wading into studying?
I would suggest you simply look for study methods that: 1. Teach you new things regularly, 2. Review and practice things you've learned, 3. Include studying things you need for your particular goals (for example if your goal is to read X book then the study materials at some point should involve reading practice and some words the book contains, if your goal is to talk about Y then the study materials should include some information about pronunciation and words you'll need to be able to say).
As you can imagine, a TON of study materials will meet these requirements. And you can study a given skill in a LOT of ways.
(Reading is my focus lol so just for reading, a beginner might: do vocabulary study with lists or conversations with native speakers or watching shows and looking words up or listening to dialogues with a transcript like in a textbook or graded readers or a picture book with word labels in the target language or a video game with labelled objects in target language, all of those things as long as your vocabulary is improving or reading practice is happening would help you make progress). So to improve reading skill as a beginner: you could study with a textbook, a podcast with transcript, a classroom or tutor with words written down in target language (like TPRS), a video game, a TV show and a translate app on your phone, a friend you talk with (who either writes words down or you look up words you hear with a translate app), a friend you text with, srs flashcards like anki (provided there's text) etc. As long as there's new words, and/or you're practicing reading, the study method may work. If it works will come down to if you can stay motivated doing it regularly, and make sure you regularly learn some new things and review/practice things you've already studied.
So consider those things when you see people selling a study method as a product (especially when it's costing you money). Consider if it teaches you NEW things, and are those new things related to your goals, and how MUCH new stuff will it teach you before you finish it? Consider if it provides review or practice, or if you can use it's materials to review on your own making up your own method, or if you'll need to do separate review/practice.
So examples:
LingQ. Can it teach you many new words? Yes, thousands, since you can import any texts you want when you get done with their provided material (I have no idea how much their beginner material covers though in terms of words... I would hope 1000-3000 words but that can be researched). Is your goal reading? It's suited to reading, so you will practice and review often with it. Cost? I think it was $12 a month when I last had it, and the price may have increased. Is it worth it? Depends on a learner's needs. I found it was wasting my money, so I chose to use free tools like Pleco and Readibu apps - since those apps are suited for Chinese learners and have better translations, Pleco has better paid graded reader material if I was going to spend money, and both Pleco and Readibu let me import texts so I can learn thousands of new words just like LingQ but free. Now that I'm not a beginner, I often use Microsoft Edge to read chinese... since I can still click-translate words easily (all my web browsers have that tool free), and Edge's TTS voice is helpful for pronunciation and sounds quite good. I read webnovels online so Edge works well. But it's translations aren't as good as Pleco or Readibu, so if I still needed translations more I would use them. So... is LingQ a good study method? Its certainly a study method marketed to buy. Well... the method is suited to improving reading skill, at least. It costs money, which is a negative, but it does offer a lot. However: everything it does regarding reading can be done free with other apps or sites or web browsers on their own. So if paying money motivates you to read... sure. LingQ does have a few word tracking features a learner may find worth the money, keeping in mind the actual read-to-learn method can be done free without lingq. (Also... while LingQ is a valid option for improving reading, if the learners goal is speaking then it would be important to think of what study activities the learner will do OUTSIDE of LingQ to improve speaking... because I've seen how LingQ is marketed as "how to learn a language" but it's only focused on some skills. It has vocabulary and grammar in some sense, since you'll read a lot and encounter new words and structures. But it doesnt have speaking or writing practice at least last time I was on it. Those activities would need to be worked on, on your own).
You can do that kind of cost/benefit contemplating with any study method material you see being sold. Amother example: there's a beginner Mandarin course called Mandarin Blueprint. It teaches like 800 words. Thats all. It may be worthwhile for a beginner... who still needs to learn 800 common words. But if you already know a few hundred words, the benefit of the course is less, you'll need to find a new material to teach you more new stuff soon. And the price was like a few hundred for the course... which for me personally was too much to spend, when I had already learned 800 hanzi from a book that cost me 12 dollars and 2000 words from a free user made memrise deck. The course claimed to get a person speaking, competent, but anyone not a beginner would say speaking basically with 800 words is nowhere near the level of working in Chinese or just doing a lot of daily life stuff, or reading/listening to media. (Although for the motivated beginner if you're learning 800 words on your own like I was, its definitely close to the point of jumping to learn more words and start reading kids and teenager books, and watching easier shows if you're willing to look new words up). So to me... Mandarin Blueprint felt like overselling some basic beginner materials. (Again when I know several other things that teach beginner stuff either more in depth so HSK test prep classes, and college courses, or that teach beginner stuff to the same depth as Mandarin Blueprint but free).
Some study materials aren't going to act like they teach everything. I've seen chinese courses just for learning to speak tones better and general pronunciation - probably worthwhile if your goal is to improve speaking and a teacher could help improve the issues your having. But a learner needs to be aware for that course that they'll need to study vocabulary on their own, its JUST a pronunciation improvement course.
#rant#i saw a lot of comments on forums yesterday thinking automatic language growth alg was like snake oil#aka a scam. but it can be done for free (free lessons online) and for people who#learn well from visual context and guessing (i learn well that way) the lesson style DOES result in learning new words and grammar#so provided you can find ALG type free lessons that teach 1000+ words (ideally 3000+ words) then you will learn#enough grammar and words to then move onto native speaker content to continue studying. so all free#i have not seen yet how ALG helps students with speaking or writing yet though. so i can only say it for sure improves passive skills#specifically listening with new words and grammar. and listening translates to reading if you practice that on your own#even just with subtitles or podcast transcripts.#the issue for me is can i find alg courses that teach a thousand words in a timely manner (and free if thats my personal requirement)#i think Dreaming Spanish and Comprehensible Thai do have enough free courses to teach 1000+ words#so those ones would get you to possibly intermediate b1 level in passive listening skill#and then its up to you on if 1 that meets your goal 2 you learn well with that lesson type 3 you are motivated to do the lessons#like... duolingo itself is not completely useless... it teaches 3000 words on most courses (and maybe 1500 common words). the big issue for#me with duolingo is it takes me AGES to complete a lesson and complete a course (years). cause i cant focus on it#whereas with duolingos content... its beginner content. at best it will get Reading skill to A2 or low B1#and maybe other skills if you practice OUTSIDE duolingo with the words and grammar u learned.#so getting to A2 vocab shouldnt take me more than a year to learn (based on how i study). i can learn it in 6 months if i#just study a wordlist on paper and a grammar guide online. so since duolingo takes me 4 times LONGER to study than the other methods i use?#duolingo is a waste of my time. not worth it (and it markets itself as if it will get a learner to B2 when it wont. and it markets#as if 1 lesson a day is all you need. to make progress in 6 months in duolingo like my wordlist study...#you'd need to be doing duolingo 1-3 hours a day... which duolingo does not tell u to do. and most learners dont
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Im actually never forgiving Descendants: The Royal Wedding for being all silly goofy happy cartoon and then out of fucking NOWHERE just dropping "I really miss Carlos guys" HEY DISNEY WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM
#It's so fucking jarring#The entire episode up to that point was all goofy funny times and then#That#It also irks me cause they're clearly moving away from the core four with the next movie#I mean I HOPE so anyway#So what was the point of killing him off at all you could've just left him alive NOTHING would change#Like it's an animated mini movie you could easily find a VA that sounds like him#Or if you really didn't wanna do that#Put him in some sort of situation that causes him to be away from the wedding#Maybe he sends a letter or something idk#Like why kill him if you were already ending the core four's story there and moving on to new characters#And like don't get me wrong they SHOULD move away from the core four#Do not fucking touch them anymore unless it's little cameos#The entire reason they initially canceled D4 was because they didn't wanna go on without Cameron#So if they were to go back on that and kill him off so they could keep making movies that would be disrespectful as FUCK#D4 probably a cash grab but I am glad they went the creative route and decided to explore other parts of the universe#Instead of clinging onto the group that's missing a cast member#I just#Man#You could've left him alone Disney you really didn't have to do that#And in the worst way possible too#descendants#peg speaks
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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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wouldn't it be nice if the author of the fics finished them. the author is me.
#vent#for the last 4 months my life has been in stupid crisis mode#like constantly#from major ones where i had to move out for a while because it was impossible to stay where i lived#to not being able to use my kitchen for over a week#and like other more or less minor house related stuff that made it impossible for me to use something normally#not a single week without something like that or shit at work which is constantly being so fucking chaotic#and now someone died in my family#not someone very close but i liked them#and of course like feeling sad that they are gone can't be the only thing#because it has to come with the headache of i need to travel for their funeral and it's just before easter#so there's no one in this city to leave my dog with#because most of my friends either live abroad or have cats or are busy before easter..#i'd just want a week where nothing happens#and like the writing is weighing heavy on me#because i miss it#also i wish i could finish something#i wish something good would happen that i could feel proud off#also because i'm mentally ill and fucking stupid when i was going crazy with my kitchen not working and work shit#i bought new furniture#because after 15 years i've finally had enough money to buy some that aren't fucking black and inconvenient and ugly#which is like a huge project and a crisis i brought onto myself#just because i was too burnt out to write#and i wanted something nice to happen to me#like a nice living space that doesn't make feel like i have no ownership over it because everything in it was some else's choice#and that old furniture was bought by my mother and my brother ages ago and it's handmedowns#and my fucking horrible mother feels personally slighted that i want to get rid of a bed that is broken#because my brother's kids jumped on it regularly when they used to visit pre covid#yeah it's been broken that long because i lost all my savings during covid and had to change careers to a souless pointless corpo job#long pathetic whine and overshare over
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been debating if i should try to get a drawing tablet and whatnot recently. as of now and as i have for the past 3-4 years i've just fingerpainted on my phone using ibispaintx, so if i did get one i'd have to actually believe i'd use it . and i do have a tendency with art to fixate on one new art-related thing or skill that i don't have, hard to tell if it's just that or if i actually am interested. i only started thinking abt it more cuz like.. the only reason i havent looked into that stuff already is because im under the assumption i would NOT get along with styluses. but i also know next to nothing abt that technology. i feel like it would help since my main frustration with art is that it takes me forever as i'm only using my fingers. it might make things like lineart something i can actually do without getting irrationally angry. shrug
really only yelling into the void here cuz im tired again uaaghh... do i want or is it just a whim... i wouldnt know if i'd actually like it or not but i feel like it could help with a few things just a lil bit..
#i mean if i did get more serious and got one i would probably move onto trying other art apps too#ibis feels really basic sometimes. i dont use a significant amt of the features but idk idk idk ouaghhh#i think it might not be as much of a whim but a genuine interest im not sure#cuz the whims are usually like. i should learn how to animate (dont have the time or confidence to) and then some various medium off that#not usually Get a thing about it it might help make it easier or cooler. could literally also be jealousy of an irl friend of mine too idk#and rn esp i've been kind of looking and implementing changes a lot to all sorts of things in my life the impulse could be from that#urge to do a new thing or improve or expand out of the box a bit but the fear of all those things. sighhh
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im back in the homestuck trenches but in my time away ive successfully become a 2bats blog which is. asldjfnsdjfn hilarious but also a little damning considering that ill probably be posting hs again for a while. so sorry to the batman fans but youre going to have to learn things about my boy dave strder and its not really optional
#i still havent actually finished my reread. i started playing hiveswap but got distracted#eventually ill finish it and the other games and move onto the epilgoues but i havent done that yet bc augh#videogames are the mind killer. videogames are the enemy. and rn im trying out new meds so i really have to try and be productive for a whi
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"KAGEHINA clips for edits" youtube video and you DON'T include season 1 episode 4 "nobody was there/i'm here" ???????? disliked unsubbed reported blocked on twitter ip banned WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU MADE A KAGEHINA CLIPS VIDEO AND DID NOT INCLUDE S1 EP4 ARE YOU INSANE??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#all the clips are just them talking to each other or standing next to each other#I WISH I WAS KIDDING#literally not One freak quick attack im going to paint your entire bedroom neon orange and install brightness forever lights in your ceilin#i NEEEEED more people to start being crazy about s1 ep4 THAT EPISODE WAS CRAZY#also i need the jackals/adler's match to be animated#like i think i need that more than anything#that way it doesn't fucking matter what clips get thrown into a compilation that entire match was a kagehina compilation#“somebody even better will come find you” 30000 CASUALTIES#every time i open up haikyuu manga volume 44 and 45 i start foaming at the mouth screaming and crying WHYA RE THEY LIKE THAT#i hate kageyama and hinata they are the worst hcaracters ever i hate them i hate them and their stupid gay ass relationship i hate them#volleyball guys#also like no hate whatsoever to the person who uploaded the original compilation vid i literally do not care#i just forgot to move the clips from my old laptop onto my new one and now i want to edit but i can'tttttt because i don't have the clipsss
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I will bore you all writing about Doctor Finlay, but bear with me.
One of the most unrealistic aspects of the Doctor Finlay-Nurse Meitland mess is the idea that they got engaged right before or as the war begun, and then for some reason had not seen each other ever since. Brenda has never left Tannachbrae during that time; which would have been an easier fix, had she joined up as an army nurse herself and been sent to units far from John's. I guess it couldn't be because the maximum drama of her new American fiancé living in town couldn't possibly be cut off. The western front didn't reopen till 44'.
The only possible mitigation, then, would be for Finlay to have been on the desert front, and lo and behold, upon rewatching 1x02, he tells a kid he was in the desert, then Sicily, then Italy, and finally Germany. But even on this generous scenario of the writers it doesn't make sense. If Finlay had had 6 years of ininterrupted service without leave home, chances are he'd have priority to have leave home as soon as the war ended, specially because I don't think personnel was being roaded or flown directly from Italy to Germany for obvious reasons of logistic convenience. So he would have been home on leave after may 45, and so the plot as presented is absurd.
But then it is all doubly absurd because the most reasonable and likely course of action would be for him to hear about it through letters. A dear John letter, or even someone from town condoling with him by assuming that the public status of Brenda's new engagement meant that Finlay had been informed too. What is the audience supposed to assume about their correspondence? Was he writing her tender, loving letters and receiving no response? Was he receiving tepid, general letters from her and being unconsciously or deliberately dense?
It makes no sense. Compels me though.
#doctor finlay#other highlights of the episode are evil mustache twirling snotty doctor for the rich#and rich guy congratulate themselves on what a pleasure it is to do medicine for the rich#we get our sex-related plot of the day as a poacher gets treated of hydrocele and keeps bringing game for Jane#we have dr. cameron retiring for the second time in two episodes#we have a kid whose dad went MIA 4 years ago and he keeps on shaming his mom#for trying to grieve and move on instead of holding onto hope#the series frames the kid as fanatical but then his dad comes back in the end so I guess shame on his mom#in another unsubtle plotline we are treated to the direct contrast between the pregnancy and birth care of rich vs poor#and in the remaining one the narrative toys with the idea that a girl might want to murder her just born brother#but she's just actually physically sick and the weird upsetting scenes are never explained and just red herrings#well I suppose you can construct independent meanings for each#like her destroying her new doll by dropping it a couple of floors is about her being angry at her dad#for not believing she's sick. but then she doesn't even know that she is really sick
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do you have a side account for other doodles or do you just have your yakuza accounts
i have many side accounts and theyre all for different fandoms i like so yes but do i have one central art account. Lol.
#snap chats#yeah no. no i dont LMAOOOO#thats kiiiiind of what my twitters meant for but. uh.#i get awkward bout posting art there that deviates from. whatever i mainly post bout at the time#like i post rgg on my twitter rn but once or twice i posted shadow and final fantasy art#but i felt so awkward i just. never did it again- esp since they received such low attention jveALVJAELKJ#and ik ik Post For Yourself Yadda Yadda but its always nice gettin encouragement but Moving On#if its art that deviates from the current franchise ive been posting about at the time#then i usually wait until ive accumulated a couple of pieces of art or like. i KNOW im gonna be locked in for a while to start posting ther#i get very awkward suddenly inflicting my new interests onto people. and thats why i like tumblr#whenever i feel myself begin to really like another thing i can just make a new blog and start anew#at the same time im not abandoning the other thing i like and i can keep em separate and not confuse anyone#but with twitter thaaatts like. a whole thing. i dont wanna make another email im too lazy#plus getting noticed on there is a LOT more difficult compared to tumblr- like once you have attention then youre set#but starting's annoying so. lol#all of this to say i mostly just keep a lot of my doodles to myself since theyre not fandom related and im too lazy for a central art acc#or at the very least its not for a fandom i have an account for/ive drawn enough of to warrant air dropping onto twitter like a nuke#again i feel awkward about mixing interests if i have the easy option to organize it in regards to tumblr so. yah
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The constant internal battle of wanting to find new fics to read vs rereading old fics you know are good is too real these days
#like im sorry but the fanfic side of mx is dead#and the few that remain are wither wattpad writers who got overconfident and started posting on ao3#or if they are decent they're buried underneath the pile of wattpad garbage that its being mass produced#all the known good fanfic authors are either completely inactive or have moved onto other fandoms#and new talents are sO RARE#i dont even thjnk anyone is gonna read this far but if u do and have recs plz hmu im BEGGING#niki screaming into the void
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it’s not fair that so much of my memory and cognitive function is tied up in something I cannot control or reasonably prevent
#blue chatter#EMDR therapy is genuinely helpful#but I’m starting to hate how much it impacts my ability to function afterwards#I don’t wanna feel like my consciousness is detaching from reality like a moist sticky note after every session#I don’t want to have gaps in my memory for hours afterward#it’s not fair that other people inflicted all these traumatic experiences onto me#and now I have to process them and suffer the consequences#I told my therapist today that I’m angry at myself for not being able to spin enough plates#that if I had just been more attentive and had more energy and worked on my homework like I should have#I wouldn’t have suffered nearly as much from the deep distrust and constant surveillance academically#and if I hadn’t been so easy to manipulate and groom#my parents wouldn’t have had a good reason to violate my privacy and read all my text messages and browser history#I’m angry that I never earned my right to privacy#and I’m angry at my brain now (even though I know it’s unfair)#why can’t I just process this like a normal person#why do I have to have all these new scary symptoms I’m not used to#why can’t I just get therapy and face my traumas and anxieties and get over it quickly#and I know that’s unfair. and I’d never say that to somebody else.#I just want this all to be over with. I want a life where I don’t just stop functioning once a week.#I hate having to write off the rest of the day after a session because nothing gets done#and my brain turns into goo and I feel floaty and spacey and strangely unable to move or think#it’s not usually like I can’t respond at all. or pay attention. it just takes so much effort. and my body and brain feel strangely heavy#and clumsy. like I’m walking in a mech suit or something.#I want my brain back.#but I know that getting it back means doing this work now#which sucks and I don’t like it. esp since I don’t know for sure that this will ever go away.#it’s scary to lose memories of important events and lose chunks of time and feel like I can’t trust my own version of events#how can I know if I’m being gaslit if I cant trust my memory already? it terrifies me that I’m so vulnerable#anyway. rant over. sorry y’all.
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