#and I don’t do much country either
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i think it’s funny there wasn’t a spike in women in pop being listened to when taylor switched genres, no one was listening to country more when taylor was planted in the scene. just listened to taylor specifically. but Beyonce puts out a couple country singles and her popularity lifts other artists up with her, because that’s the kind of base she attracts. telling.
#g talks#anti taylor swift#swifties dni#i actually like texas hold em#and I don’t usually listen to much of her music#bc it’s just not my vibe#and I don’t do much country either#it’s been interesting to see the reactions#mine#/mobile#/okay to reblog
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Man what a horrible way to wake up.
#I was holding out for the mail ins but 290 something votes is just….#idk man I’m kind of in shock#I can’t wrap my head around how so many fucking people looked at him and went ‘yeah he should run the country’#I think it’s time either the coasts leave the country and become independent#or we abolish the presidency#because one person should never have this much lower#I just don’t know what else we can do to move forward tbh#I want to believe people are inherently good and I still do really but holy fucking hell#how do you win against this facist machine at this point?#where do we go from here?#*power#not retyping all that
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Tomorrow Is Election Day And I Am So Fucking Stressed
#marzi speaks#marzivents#hi folks. i haven’t been making much art lately. apologies! i want to be#unfortunately shit is Stressful in both my little world (i’m starting to get overwhelmed with my meds and refills and driving)#and on a broader more societal scale (if trump gets re-elected shit is going to go so fucking bad oh my god)#PLUS we’re in the It Gets Dark At 6PM Zone now#i think i’ve lowkey been catastrophizing a bit with all that’s been going on#i should probs look into those psych referrals my doctor gave me#she offered them bc the almost-dying earlier this year was Traumatic and i was showing signs of anxiety/depression#but i think they’ll just be helpful in general#god though i hate being on prescriptions. it feels like there’s a constant timer hanging over my head#refill these pills before this time so you don’t have to miss a day. woops! the pharmacy’s out of stock on this one#so you’ll have to come back at another less convenient time. fail to do so and the medication goes on hold#which requires a phone call where you speak to a Robot that may not understand the nuances of ur situation#grrrgh it sucks so bad. thankfully i refilled my prednisone the other day and have like 3 months’ worth now#and that’s the one i really can’t afford to miss bc steroid withdrawals could really fuck me up#but uggghhh i hate it. so much. bc it looms over me always#i hate keeping track of when i’ve taken my pills too. i keep a checklist for every day#so i remember what i have to take and if i’ve taken it#but god it sucks. i’m at the point where it’s basically routine now so i do it automatically#but i know if i stop monitoring i’m gonna forget if i’ve taken my steroid one day#and either double dose or skip the day. and that’ll fuck me up pretty good#anyways. hoping hoping hoping this election goes well bc idk if i can take it if our country tis of thee elects the fucking fascist#this one’s fine to rb. i think many of us share this sentiment lmao
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u ever see a mildly iffy post and look at the comments and just think “wow, everyone here is so fucking unpleasant in their own special way”
#comments on a post abt i/p stuff nd no one can grasp the concept of it not being 1000% black and white#it’s possible for both groups to be indigenous to palestine and it’s possible for both groups to not be able to “return to where they came#from”#as yk from what i know it’s pretty impossible to leave gaza at all and also most israelis r refugees from really bad antisemitism or r#descended from them#and also its possible to talk abt hamas and antisemitism w/o denying the genocide going on and vice versa#and its really fucking easy to not dehumanise regular israelis/jews and palestinians/arabs#like it’s so very easy to not do that#innocent palestinians don’t deserve to die bcz of the actions of hamas#innocent israelis don’t deserve to die bcz of the actions of the idf#and neither deserve to be displaced (probably into unsafe conditions) bcz u don’t think they’re indigenous enough#so many of u act like either palestine is just a country of antisemitic terrorists or israel’s full of fascist soulless militants#both r incredibly xenophobic (and racist or antisemitic to be more specific abt it)#idk i’m just so tired of ur ability to not be normal abt this while there r people dying#i would say “it’s online discourse ppl r just like that” except this is very much bleeding into real life and existed before the internet#long before the internet#so it does very much affect real life so idk just be better please#sorry tangent in the tags#ryan shut the fuck up#antisemitism#racism
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I hate traveling I have so few of my things and I hate the beach and I didn’t download anything for the plane and I don’t know what to do and I’m gonna miss school and I’m gonna be away from my dogs for a week and this is all just the worst ☹️☹️☹️☹️
#I feel kind of spoiled every time I complain but I’m seriously upset about going on this trip#I don’t like traveling it stresses me out so bad and out of the country??? I’ve never been before!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh#I don’t like the beach either swimsuits make me feel dysphoric and the sand always gets in my bed and it’s the worst#I couldn’t bring my water bottle either and I bring that like everywhere#I’m going to miss so much school too and I have to do so much makeup homework and I can’t draw and oh man this is the worst#I’m so anxious ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#I swear the world isn’t built for me because most people love traveling and they love the beach but I don’t everything is backwards for me#I also don’t like large open spaces I like cramming into small spaces but the beach is so much big space ickkkkkk#I just feel so nervous thinking about it I told my parents I didn’t want to go before they got the tickets but they said I had to go anyway#ough ☹️#rope/spider post
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im literally in love with the little cackle that harley does every so often in birds of prey… like it’s the cutest most unhinged laugh and it’s adorable
#harley quinn#I feel like Margot didn’t get a chance to do it much in SS and TSS because I don’t remember it from those#only in BoP#and it’s SO cute I’m like… that’s my absolutely unhinged girl#BoP Harley is my fave live action harley overall and the laugh really helps. it’s so HARLEY.#I think it’s because she gets to have a lot of fun in BoP like yeah it’s life and death but#it’s on a smaller scale than destruction of an entire country so harley gets to play and be silly and have fun#she doesn’t take any fight in BoP nearly as seriously as the final fight in TSS#which is not a criticism of either film it makes so much sense for both#the only fight she takes serious in BoP I think is the final sequence with Roman because that’s the only one she feels she could lose#I think she sort of has fun in the last part of the escape sequence in TSS#when she’s escaped to her own world in her mind#but the first parts of her escape I really feel like she switches into the brainspace for being an effective killer#there’s two parts in her brain for that#the one that fights for fun and is entertained by the violence and playing with people#and the one that goes into immediate killer mode without thinking about it#she’s very good at compartmentalising#sorry this went from me talking about Harley’s adorable laugh to analysing her mental state I didn’t mean for that to happen#anyway congrats margot robbie on being really cute or w/e
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I’m catching up on worlds and I can’t believe there are still so many people in this sport who haven’t learned we shouldn’t be hyping the youngest athletes up to an unreasonable degree
#figure skating#this is about Isabeau pretty obviously#but recently liza tuktik said she’s made peace with not going to the olympics but she’s not done skating yet#and i have so much more faith she will still be healthy and skating at 29 than anyone of those 15/16 year old girls she competes against#no idea who will still be here in 3 years#and also someone on Reddit posted about a non-russian junior landing a quad#but they put a troll face over her coach’s face#oh great#another child doing insanely difficult tech content with a bad coach#this is a problem across countries#but these young girls are either juniors or a small number of senior skaters early in their careers#lets sit back and give them some time#say they have potential#praise them for what they do well#but don’t go beyond what is reasonable#don’t put all that pressure on them#it’s clearly not turning out well#there are so many injured russian girls#Sasha broke down on international television#and kamila of course#Alyssa wasn’t a worst case scenario but it still wasn’t a great one#tara lipinski herself is the second youngest woman to ever when the Olympics and the youngest to do it in the individual event#and she retired very young with a hip injury#the youngest ever to win the olympics doesn't hold the individual title because she burnt out after the team event#and it wasn't just a bad skate - she didn't make it long#i loved tara when i was a kid#but 15 is too young to be doing this#so happy the age limit will be raised next season
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something very funny and kinda annoying is that the acronym for my university is the exact same as the acronym for the college that nearly everyone in my hometown ended up going to. and these are on different continents
#whenever i see those three letters in the bio of any of my friends from high school i do a double take#bc my instant reaction is like huh??? you ALSO moved across the atlantic???#but yeah i was one of literally 2 ppl in my graduating class who went abroad and. the other one went to canada lol.#shows how much usamericans hate anything not american. bc out of 625 ppl only 2 of us left the country#and i grew up in a VERY international area??? which makes this even weirder idk. but my school system growing up was VERY anti-study abroad#like we were constantly pushed to do either in-state or ivy. those were our options lmao#my school admin dragged their feet so much when i said i wanted to leave the country i literally had to get my parents involved#bc they were like ‘no you should go in-state’ ‘but i don’t want to’ ‘well we don’t want to give your transcript to another country’ sigh.#anyway. i have a lot of issues with the US public school system but this is so funny to me#michi.txt
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Iirc Griffin did something similar in Amnesty, when Aubrey succeeded on a roll that should've saved another character's life, but it didn't work and I don't think they ever explained why
Yeah!! And in Amnesty, Ned used a point of LUCK. To get a 12. That in MOTW is a guaranteed success. You do not take harm in Protect Someone if you use luck. Also, a fucking shotgun does not DO 7 points of harm anyway. It’s 3. And he fucking KILLED him. Never forgiving Griffin for that one >.>
#that’s not just cheap it’s /explicitly/ against the rules#I don’t ever like if a DM is giving ‘me vs you’ vibes to the players in any form but cheating and lying is the worst#ask#anonymous#like dgmw I love Griffin and most of the time quite enjoy his DMing but several times he has now made me /boiling/ mad#not super happy about the way he has handled Devo’s religious trauma either. like Travis is great#incredible character. he’s got some huge flaws but you also get why Devo is how he is and sometimes he’s super right. but Griffin has too#much been like ‘what if the church wasn’t so bad : )’ like Travis had to /push/ for the flashback trauma scene w Guidance to be something#upsetting and abusive. like let him have a history#taz amnesty spoilers#also not a fan of his new ‘no backstories’ thing#like yeah it can get too much or awkward but they can also be great??? you don’t want to live in them but you want them to give you a rich#basis for where the charcater in-story starts. ??? it causes no issues if you do that?#and it’s fun to occasionally have them be relevant even just for a goofy one off. I had a player be a changeling who had helped a coup in#another country and her co-revolutionary she was with and close to turned on her for racial reasons bc she was a changeling when he found ou#out and tried to kill her and they have a mutual ‘if I ever see you again’ and the experience dramatically influenced how she interacted w#other characters in the campaign bc baggage. but she never even /brought it up/ to a Pc or npc. it’s just rich character to work with#you gotta trust players and yourself a little not let having details overwhelm a story it’s not hard#and if it starts to happen it ain’t hard to correct
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okay at what point do i actually get concerned about ocd though bc there’s only so much people can tell me are health problems that i can ignore before it starts. becoming a different health problem
#vent in tags#‘don’t drink out of plastic it’ll hurt you!’ *only has plastic water bottle*#NOT DRINKING WATER FOR A MONTH IS WORSE. I AM GOING TO DRINK OUT OF THE PLASTIC WATER BOTTLE#AND EAT THAT THING. WHICH I HAVE TO MICROWAVE.#ITS PROBABLY MICROWAVE SAFE BC YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT#BUT JESUS CHRIST. I THINK I’M EXPERIENCING COMPULSIONS PERHAPS#ramblings#or if not actual compulsions then whatever comes before them#the Actual Problem ones are kind of bad. for me mentally.#and i have to HIDE why i’m DOING that bc if i externalize it#they’re either gonna say that’s valid or that’s something i should stop#and the problem is that i don’t know what’s true!!! i don’t know what’s toxic!!!#i’m an artist and i don’t fucking know what to do surrounded by things my brain is telling me could kill me slowly!!!#if i’m not fucking careful!!!#if i don’t wash my hands every time i touch something it thinks is toxic!!!#even if it’s not! even if it was just nearby or could have touched it tangentially!#is that ocd???#is it ocd if it’s an actual potential danger but no one else cares as much and you’re spiraling#i don’t even want to talk about the actual problem behind it#this is not the thing to be worrying about rn i’m not even in the county#*country#i think. maybe i should see a therapist again#i was. not expecting that to turn into a vent. oops#hi.#i don’t know if it’s better or worse than it looks bc i don’t know how it looks#i’m bad at talking about my problems#delete later
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If somehow you haven’t seen by now, while the Super Bowl is being aired, Israel is striking Rafah.
The people of Palestine had been told to go there, they were promised it was safe.
And while this is happening, even though earlier several tags on Palestine were trending, only one or two are now.
I haven’t written any posts personally on Palestine myself. I didn’t feel I had anything to add here aside from reblogging and boosting whatever I can but please. We can’t forget Palestine or its people especially now.
This has gone on too long and gone much much too far MANY times and now is when we need to push harder.
Many of the heads of Western countries are either beating around the bush and wasting time, or outright denying the things the Palestinian people don’t have the privilege to ignore. They don’t have the choice to look away from their pain, or the pain of friends, family, neighbors, their country. And even through all of this they’re still trying their damn hardest just to live. And we all need to listen.
So now, especially if you live in a western country like I do, now we step it up a notch. Now is the time if you haven’t already to read up on Palestinian history. Listen to what the people of Palestine are saying. Hold firm on the boycott like never before. Any and every way you can donate, do it. eSIMs, aid, anything that will reach. Save as much evidence as you can. Videos, articles. Don’t let Zionists pretend all of this never happened.
Even if you think there’s nothing you can do, I’m telling you, keep going. Even if you feel you can only give a little, if we all give a little together it becomes much more.
Hit imperialism where it hurts. In the wallet. Follow the BDS instructions, find protests in your area if you can, boost as much information about Palestine as you can find, call your reps, and do not lose hope. The people of Palestine are not dead. They are holding on even through all this and we all owe it to them to do the same.
A Free Palestine will happen in our lifetimes. But it will be hard fought. So go out there and fight hard! The governments can’t hide from their own people forever. The companies can’t bleed cash forever. The people will win. So push until we do. Do not look away. Free Palestine
#important#palestine#free palestine#social justice#gaza#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#free gaza#justice for palestine#gaza strip#palestinian genocide#israel#end israel’s genocide#endisraelsgenocide#end occupation#gaza genocide#end israeli occupation#end israeli apartheid#current events#jerusalem#free palestine 🇵🇸#end israeli siege#I don’t usually makes posts personally and I apologize for lack of links in this one#but seriously#boycotts can crack oppression and they’ve done it before#no more complacency#boycott israel#decolonise palestine#end israel's genocide#from the river to the sea 🇵🇸#superbowl
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I truly do not get the spy x family hype….
#like I tried????? I watched the first half of the first season when it aired#and it was so…. predictable and boring#and never focused on the actual interesting things instead to focus on unfunny gags#and you know what. I’ll say it. anya is not a fun character to me#she feels like one of those fanfic OC kids where you can tell the author has never interacted with an actual child ever#or at least in several years#and like I know. I know the series isn’t supposed to be overly serious#or taken seriously and it’s supposed to just be cute and fun#and the ‘spy’ stuff is meant to contribute to that and not be used for a genuinely important plot line#(in comparison to the family dynamic that is)#it’s just that…. even the family dynamic is not done in a fun or interesting way to me either#I don’t think the series is funny and it was never that entertaining#I also just think if your goal is to focus on that maybe make your spy shit have much lower stakes#because two countries being locked in Cold War and seconds away from all out war#and one of the major characters being a literal assassin who murders ppl on the regular#it genuinely feels ridiculous (in a bad way) to ignore all of that#for the sake of ‘omg cute girl got a giant dog’#idk. it just feels like a kinda poorly thought out concept that backfired a little bit#but idk I guess they’re doing something right cuz A LOT of ppl seem to enjoy it#it just ain’t for me I guess#kaz rambles
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Is refreshing my Spanish more useful in my day to day life? Yes. Do I end up doing that? No, because I’m a fucking idiot who can’t focus properly unless I’m into something. I keep saying “I’ve taken three Spanish classes through elementary and highschool. Re-learning it has to be easier than learning a whole new language!” and then when I open Duolingo I go like “ooh, Norwegian. I would love to be able to read that!” and take the Norwegian lessons instead 😑
#emma posts#to be fair to myself while I do encounter Spanish more often#I don’t actually have to use it very frequently here#I do. however. get more frustrated when I reach a translation dead end in Norwegian more often#genealogy has been a sort of side hobby since I was a kid and my family came to america relatively recently#so if i try to go back past the immigration I need to find translated sources#but there just aren’t that many unless it’s something that’s already been translated by family#i don’t have as much trouble with Icelandic family because people who were interested in this before I was went hard on getting information#but I’m my dad’s side it’s harder#and we have this postcard that Norwegian family mailed the American immigrant family decades ago#and we know what it says because someone found a guy to translate it#but it infuriates me that I’m looking right at it and i can’t even read it without help! it’s not even that big a deal#it’s just a skill issue that pisses me off#no idea what I’m going to do with the Dutch records I found. they aren’t even about people from the Netherlands. they just straight up have#records about the countrys my family comes from available online and I’m like???#me looking at papers in a language my grandparents either stopped speaking or weren’t encouraged to learn. and glaring#what secrets do you hold? and it’s literally just the Icelandic version of the Bible and I know it#but some of it is actually not the Bible okay?#and I do imagine I may have to put extra work in when it comes to older sources since I’m learning modern Norwegian#but i have to start somewhere
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Can I get a round of applause for me sticking my radical political agenda in to the professional publication that my class works on ✌🏻
#pitching an article on climate change and homeless that is either going to be 800-1000 words#or 450 depending on what my classmates think would work#but also pitching a piece on our campus prison reform advocacy group 🤪#you WILL hear me roar about how we treat the most disenfranchised people in this country#and I’ll keep doing it for all the issues this semester#next issue you Will hear about disability lol#anyways all my classmates are at least liberal#so it’s not like… that much friction#but I am the person who will be like ‘hey can we write about the stigma that drug users face? yeah I know we have advertisers I don’t care’
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Bernie is wrong. He has always been wrong and is still wrong. The flaw in his theory is what he deems the “wealthy elite” versus what everyday Americans consider them to be. Voters don’t see all billionaires as the elites. They see college-educated liberals on the coasts, some of whom are billionaires, as elites.
Bernie-style populism didn’t land because billionaires figured out long ago they could undermine it by being socially right-wing, and the working class would forgive their wealth and privilege. That’s why this same demographic is willing to make it rain for grifters like Joel Osteen and Pat Robertson. That’s why they worship the wealthiest man on the planet like a God and consider him some real-life Tony Stark. People dismissed Donald Trump as a shameless attention-hungry New York oligarch until he called Mexicans rapists. Then he shot up to the top of the GOP primary polls. The working class didn’t think much of Elon Musk until he said “pronouns suck.” Then he became their hero. A scion of working-class Pennsylvania lost his US Senate seat last week to a hedge fund manager from Connecticut. West Virginia elected their richest man to the Senate after electing him governor – as a Democrat and later a Republican. Ohio tossed out their longtime Democratic senator, known for his strong support of labor rights, for – literally, no joke – a used-car salesman.
You can’t tell me the working class in America thinks being a billionaire alone is what makes one a “wealthy elite.” There are significant factors at play here Bernie is either oblivious to or purposely ignorant of.
In college, a professor once told me that Communism never succeeded in the United States because we are too religious and proud as a country. Religion, traditions, and culture were never widely discredited the way they were in Europe and Asia, where the clergy and nobility kept the bourgeoisie in figurative chains for centuries. The relative ease of social mobility made America unique compared to its Western counterparts. Historically, American progressivism has been focused on expanding social mobility – initially limited to only white men – to identity groups who had been denied it at the start: blacks, women, and immigrants. We have done it, with various amounts of success. While it may seem counterintuitive, Americans pride themselves in being the nation that pioneered the idea that wealth and status can be achieved through ingenuity and hard work and not just based on a lucky roll of the genetic dice, as it was in the Old World. It doesn’t mean we don’t have generational wealth in our country; we do, but since it isn’t the sole way to achieve wealth and power, we don’t care nearly as much about destroying all of it. Further, we will happily endorse it if the oligarchs and the aristocrats vow to promote and protect the social values we care about and the social hierarchy that benefits us.
It’s one of the reasons I believe Bernie could never beat Trump. If you ask working-class people what they want: an anti-immigrant, anti-intellectual billionaire or a Vermont socialist backed by kids from Harvard and UC Berkeley who hate our traditions and customs, the working class will always back the billionaire.
–Nick Rafter, "Bernie Sanders Can Take a Seat"
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౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ SAFEGUARD — dazai, chuuya, akutagawa
summary . . . they save you after you've been injured and captured by an enemy.
contents . . . sfw, f!reader (chuuya & dazai) and gn!reader (akutagawa), violence / blood, threats, injuries, hurt/comfort, angst, established relationship, and it's pmboss!dazai bc i can't help myself — 3.5k total
notes . . . i got this request so long ago lol. not my best work, but i have been in the worst writing slump ever and just wanted to finish something. i've also never written for akutagawa before so pls be nice <3
𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐔𝐘𝐀 . . .
there are very few times that chuuya feels he’s been outsmarted. he knows he’s not the mastermind of the port mafia, but he certainly isn’t a fool. when it comes to you and your well-being, though, his mind short-circuits, half of his intelligence draining away while his emotions take hold.
your relationship isn’t a secret to anyone in the port mafia, which means that it isn’t a secret to your enemies either. and while most people know it’s hard to land a finger on chuuya directly, his pretty little girlfriend doesn’t have the power of a god nestled inside of her.
the rage sparks through him, growing fiercely into the blaze of a forest fire, until all he can think of is getting you home safely. he thinks of your sweet smile as he rips the door of the enemies’ base off the hinges, crushing it into a million pieces with the force of gravity.
the men are quick to react, but chuuya hurtles the crushed door towards them, knocking three of them to their feet. another group charges at him, but their guns do little against his skill. after years of fighting some of the strongest ability users, simple criminal organizations are as easy to step over like ants.
chuuya kills them all — except for one.
the man’s knees are wobbling, hand shaking around the gun as he realizes that these will be his final moments. there is fear in his eyes, brown ones that rest wide open, and chuuya almost hesitates. his remorse doesn’t last long, though, before he’s wrapping a hand around the man’s throat, thrusting him backwards.
“where is she?” chuuya asks, voice sharp and commanding.
he can feel the man swallowing.
chuuya knows that backup is probably on the way, but it won’t matter whether they show up or not. he’ll crush the rest of his enemies just as he’s crushed the last twenty men. the poor soul in his leather hold seems to know that as well.
“i-i’ll take you to her,” he rasps, dropping his gun to claw at chuuya’s hand.
he drops him, lets him take a few heaving breaths and coughs, before he’s kicking at him, forcing him back to his feet.
the young man takes him up the elevator, weaves him through a hallway as chuuya leaves a scattering of bodies in his wake, not hesitating to kill a single man that gets in his way. there is nothing that can keep him from you.
how fiercely and loyally he loves you — it drives him to near insanity.
finally, with blood coating his face and his clothes, the young man enters a room, locked with a code, revealing you.
chuuya’s rage is almost as blinding as his corruption, as he gazes at the sight of you. bloodied and bruised, tied up in a chair, so visibly harmed. his hands clench into fists. “get the fuck away from her,” he says to the man who seems to be monitoring you.
“what are you doing in here?” the men left in the room panic, but they don’t have time to react before chuuya throws them back at the wall, so quickly, with so much force, that their spines snap. they hit it with a sharp crack, skulls shattering against the plaster, the wall crushing beneath the weight of them.
limply, they fall to the floor.
chuuya rushes over to you.
the young man that led him here disappears, but chuuya isn’t worried about him. he’s a coward; he’ll likely flee from the country and never look back. the men that truly hurt you are already dead, and he’ll burn this building to the ground once he’s gotten you away from it.
“hey,” chuuya says, cradling your cheeks gently, trying to coax you back awake. he’s not sure if it’s exhaustion, blood loss, or the obvious head trauma that caused you to pass out in the first place. but you’re still breathing, so he counts that as a blessing.
“hey,” he whispers again, kissing your forehead, like it will heal all your ailments. “wake up, baby. we gotta get you out of here, okay?”
it takes you a few seconds to come to, eyes glazed over and shell-shocked as you blink at him. “chuuya?” you say; your voice is so hoarse it makes chuuya want to keel over and vomit. “is it really you?”
guilt gnaws at him, almost crushing, at the fact that thirty-six hours passed, and you’re delirious enough not to recognize him. you probably haven’t eaten, either.
he should’ve been there. no one should’ve ever had the chance to hurt you, yet…
“it’s me, i’m here,” he says, kissing your lips, your temple, brushing your hair away from your face. the strands are sticky with blood. “shit,” chuuya nearly shouts, pulling a knife from his pocket, sawing through the thick ropes around you as quickly as he can. “i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry.”
he can’t get you free fast enough, and you smile at him, drowsy, your eyes fluttering shut once more. “it’s okay, chuuya,” you say, leaning your head on his shoulder. “you’re here now.”
“you have to stay awake,” he says desperately, realizing your head is still bleeding. he doesn’t know how hurt you are. chuuya’s no expert when it comes to medicine, but he’s smart enough to know that internal injuries could be even worse than the external ones.
“stay awake for me, okay, honey? i’ll get you back to the boss and we’ll find you a doctor. you’ll be just fine.”
“okay, chuuya,” you hum, weakly gripping his back. seconds of silence pass before you mutter, “i just want to go home.”
"i know." his heart pulls, and he almost lets out a cracked sob. but he refrains, knowing that there is plenty of time to drown in his sorrows later.
finally, he gets the ropes under, lifting you from the chair. you’re so much lighter, weaker, and it makes him sick as he carries you. “let’s get you home.”
𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐖𝐀. . .
the call comes just as akutagawa is getting ready to head home for the evening, his tasks completed, eyes heavy with exhaustion.
normally, he doesn’t stick around to say any goodbyes, sneaking off into the darkness of the night like a shadow, blending right in. but, something about the evening, so gloomy and drizzly with spring rain, feels off.
with a heavy knot in his chest, so much different than an incoming fit of coughs, akutagawa heads back up to mori’s office, if perhaps to only ensure that everyone else’s jobs had been completed. he’s a lot of things, but he’s never been a slacker; and he’ll do what it takes to ensure that his position in the mafia is eternally secure.
though, he doesn’t have the opportunity to get all the way upstairs before he run into the boss, who is calm, but with an air of irritation clouding him.
he explains the current situation to akutagawa in a clipped tone, bored — an enemy group has kidnapped you, holding you hostage.
“how rude is it to bother a man, just as he is getting ready to go to sleep?” mori says, sighing histrionically.
but what is a minor inconvenience to mori sends an entire wave of dread through akutagawa, his entire body feeling as if it’s been dipped in ice. he can’t explain the horror that washes over him, not really, because he shouldn’t feel so panicked. it is rare for him to get worked up about the danger his subordinates find themselves in, save for his sister, of course.
but you… you’re different.
“can i trust you to diffuse the situation?” mori asks, impatiently glancing at his watch as if that will change anything. “i can call someone else, but they will not be so quick.”
akutagawa doesn’t even think before he accepts the job, hating the way he sounds pathetically desperate for more details. his hands flatten the edge of his cloak, as if his ability is going to take on a mind of its own.
he calls for a driver, calm but breathing so heavily that an aching cough rises up in him. his throat feels as if it may begin to bleed, but he swallows, glances away from the driver and gets himself under control.
there’s a ransom — bring them the money and they’ll return you, mori had told him. you’re only a lower ranking member of the mafia, and someone that makes for a pretty poor bargaining chip, so the motive is questionable.
mori probably would’ve let you die, akutagawa knows, his teeth gritting together, so much so that a splintering sound comes from it. but the boss, in his infinite, concerning wisdom, seems to also know that his loyal dog has an soft spot for you.
as regrettable as that may be.
akutagawa has no doubt that whoever the enemy is, they are no match for him. still, a twinge of anxiety settles in his stomach, fingers jittery as the driver, despite the decreased traffic of the hour, seems to drive impossibly slow.
“are we not in a rush?” akutagawa snaps, leaning forward.
“apologies,” the driver, says, not daring to even look at akutagawa from the mirror. but the car speeds up, enough for akutagawa to be able to notice, at least. it cools the simmer that has already begun deep in his chest.
even so, the car seems to go at a snails pace, minute upon minute flying by, with you in the clutches of an enemy.
akutagawa doesn’t care who they are. he doesn’t care why, or how they captured you. he wants them dead. he’ll rip them apart, easily, and he’ll make them suffer — they’ll be alive for all of it, for every second that he peels the skin from their bones, ripping the smaller ones out of their sockets.
what he feels for you… well, it’s too hard for him to admit to himself. he has no experience with what it means to care for another person, doesn’t even know if that’s his goal. he just knows he wants to protect you.
and he can’t do that if you’re dead.
finally, the car pulls up to an old warehouse, one at the very outskirts of the port, beyond the docks and the shipping carts. it’s tucked far back, an obvious lair for some villainous organization that doesn’t want to be found.
akutagawa gets there, but there is nothing. he hears nothing, feels no signs of life as he trudges through the puddles left behind from the earlier rain.
a small string of panic begins again, as he wondered if maybe the call that mori had told him was only a ruse. maybe this entire time had been a distraction, a way to lure him away. there are other skill-users in the mafia, but none quite as dangerous as him.
though, he hears it, then. a small little sound, muffled and hoarse, full of pain.
he ducks into another corner of a warehouse, and you’re there — bound with chains and a gag across your mouth, one of your eyes blackened with bruises, your nose bleeding.
his heart aches. never in his life has he so quickly made his way over, used the sharp edges of his ability to shear through the chains, falling to his knees as he unbinds the cloth from your lips.
“where are they?” he rasps, mouth opening and closing, hating the sound of his own voice. he recognizes his desperation, his anger, but the affectionate sound that clips at the end is unfamiliar, as he shakily pulls himself closer to you.
you glance up at him, eyes glossy and wide, and though you are scared, hurt, he’s so thankful you are alive. his heart flips once, as you grasp at his cloak, the material that has the blood of so many staining the threads.
“gone,” you say, throat chalky, words nothing more than a note against the wind. “they fled when they heard it was you coming.”
“and left you?” he asks, jaw clenching, as he hopes that the emotions aren’t as visible on his features as he thinks they are. “were you not a ransom?”
“no,” you swallow, hard, as if in pain. he notices bruises around your neck, the shape of fingerprints indented there. “i was bait.”
anger rises up in him like a wave, engulfing him, wholly and relentlessly. he is no stranger to that, like he is the kindness you show him, the way you look at him as if he is your protector, rather than a bringer of destruction. “i’ll go after them. where are they headed? they’ll pay, i’ll slaughter—”
“ryunosuke,” you say, reaching for him as he stands, expression pleading as he backs away. “stay.”
he has half a mind to ignore you — the enemy escaped, after all. but your voice. your eyes… you look so small sitting there, bloodied and bruised and broken.
“please,” you try again, near tears, and though he has never been good with obvious displays of emotion, something within him snaps at the desperation in the word.
he nods, slowing his pace as he returns to you, lets you wrap yourself in him, cling to him. his hands fall, naturally, to your waist, somehow knowing where they belong, even if akutagawa never has a clue what he’s doing with you.
“i’ll call hirotsu,” he says simply, before pulling out his phone, not bothering to untangle himself from you.
𝐃𝐀𝐙𝐀𝐈 . . .
dazai is not a forgiving man, and will never learn to be. forgiveness is not a luxury he is often able to indulge in in his line of work, and his heart has hardened enough that until the end of time, those that are branded his enemies will remain his enemies.
though, in his blackened heart, one soured over the course of time, you have carved out your own little space, lit it up with golden rays of light that are fiery enough to melt the stone casing of his chest.
his only love — his only weakness. but it is a weakness that his enemies know about as well.
dazai tries his best to keep you safe. he always has, and he knows that, sometimes, his grasp on you can be a little too tight. that the way he tries to keep you under his watchful eye can sometimes be stifling, frustrating.
but he can’t always be there to protect you. and it is in times like these, that he regrets letting you go without a bodyguard. he regrets that he listened to your insistence that you could keep yourself safe.
he should’ve at least told you to take a friend.
“boss,” his subordinate says, bowing his head, his voice pleading, desperate. “i’m so sorry. your wife—”
“if anything… anything happens to her, you will be the one responsible, do you understand?” dazai says, his eyes cold as he glowers down at the man, only a few inches shorter than him, but feeling so much smaller. “i will personally see that this act does not go unpunished.”
“of course, sir,” the man says, and he, at the very least, has the decency to sound resigned. to accept his fate and suffer the consequences, for allowing the boss’s wife to get herself into such a situation.
and dazai means it, every last word; if he finds you in a state closer to death, anyone who put you in harm’s way will be torn apart from the inside out. he isn’t able to think of anything but bringing you home safely, his hands shaking with rage as he sends more than enough people out on a search to find you.
with all the strings he’s able to pull as the mafia boss, it doesn’t take long to find you, for those that have bravely — or stupidly — used his wife as bait to come forward, and offer an attempt at some sort of negotiation.
there’s little of the conversation that dazai remembers on the phone, even less that he remembers after that. the anger bubbles up in him and grabs hold of his conscience, the emotion directing his movements with a mind of its own.
he’s already sent out every last one of his people into the field, ensuring that the organization that had the gall to threaten you is wiped off the face of the earth. deleted from every corner of the world, buildings flattened to the ground. by tomorrow, they won’t have ever existed.
today, he doesn’t care what happens as long as he finds you alive.
you’re held hostage by two men — so completely beaten that they’ve given up on any restraints. whatever they wanted from you, you seemed to refused to have given up, lip bleeding, eyes swelling so badly that you can’t even open them.
dazai doesn’t hesitate before pulling the trigger on the first man, then turning to the other, shooting the hand that holds the pistol. the man recoils, shouts, and drops the weapon completely, as dazai lands another bullet to his knee, causing him to fall.
slowly, dazai walks up, firing again to his other arm, a loud snap echoing throughout the room. the man winces, trying to crawl to the gun, one last desperate attempt to stay alive.
he kicks the gun away, watching, as, pathetically, the expression in the enemy’s face changes — any of his remaining hope vanishes.
“you told me she was unharmed,” dazai says, bending down, his coat flaring out behind him as he squats.
the man coughs, gasping for air as the blood seeps out of him. “we lied.” he smiles cruelly, and though he shares the same sort of darkness as those in the port mafia, there is something even more twisted in his smile.
dazai hums. “you the leader?”
the man doesn’t give an answer, but the slight twitch of surprise on his face is all dazai needs. he’s no one — just a grunt whose life was put on the line to guard you.
“didn’t think so.” dazai shoots him once, straight through the forehead, instantly killing him. but he is vindictive, angry, and the man he truly wants to destroy, the one who took you, is nowhere to be found. another bullet lands, tearing apart the flesh of his temple, then another, and one more, his skull beginning to cave in from the force of it all.
dazai heaves, letting the gun clatter to the ground as it runs out of bullets, and then he realizes, all this time, you’ve just been watching him. the ugliest side of him — the worst side of him.
you’re no stranger to it, of course. how can you be, when you’ve shared a life with him for years? but that doesn’t mean he wants you to see it, see how bloodthirsty he can become.
he stumbles over to you, where you’re still sitting on the ground, your wrist in your lap, bent at an angle that he knows isn’t right. bruises are littered across your skin, and your hair is matted from the blood that pools at your temple.
it takes every ounce of restraint he has to stay calm, a million feelings swirling under his skin. ones that he was never familiar with until he met you.
“i’m sorry,” he says, taking your face in his hands so, so softly, worried that he’ll hurt you even more. “i’m sorry, darling. i should’ve — i should’ve been there.” dazai notices his hands are shaking and he balls them up into fists, leaning back. “fuck. fuck — i’ll kill them all, just tell me who it was. anyone who laid a finger on you. i’ll cut them down one by one.”
“osamu,” you say, and your voice is raspy, cracking, as your unbroken arm reaches for him, squeezing his shaking hand. “i—”
you open your mouth to continue, but only tears come streaming down your cheeks, over your bloodied lips, saltiness soaking your jawline. no words don’t leave you, but a soft sob chokes itself up your throat.
“hey, hey, hey.” dazai’s voice softens, every muscle in his body relaxing as he draws you nearer to him, into his chest with a touch that’s barely there. “you’re safe. i’m here, okay? they’re not going to hurt you again, sweetheart.”
you sniffle, barely making a sound, but he can feel the tears drop onto his clothes, soaking the material.
“can you walk? are you hurt anywhere else?”
you hesitate for a moment before answering; he’s not sure if there’s a reason you only answer the first question. “i can walk.”
dazai nods, and though the rage is still bubbling there, underneath the surface, there is a coolant streaming through him at the vision of you alive. the men who did this will pay the price, but he still has you — and that’s all that matters.
thank you for reading !!! ❤︎
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