#and I did make the book cost basically nothing lol

[frownyalfred]

I think another reason it's insane and out of line for people to leave reviews in bookmarks (outside of the more important and already addressed; fanfic isn't the fucking place for that, it's a gift that the author does not need to share and the reader is not paying for it) is that a lot of people just aren't good at it, as evidenced by a lot of Goodreads reviews.

Goodreads is the exact intended place for reviews of books, and I've seen someone give a low review for a book because it has a sexual assault scene, /while acknowledging that the scene was warned for in the trigger warnings./

And another low review for a different /standalone/ book because it was 'wrapped up too neatly'. Said reviewer also said that nothing happened in the book despite the main character having to deal with two separate coup attempts

Like with the recent reviewer, Buddy you didn't even have the sunk cost fallacy motive of having bought the book, if you read 130k of something you're not enjoying, that's a fault with you the reader, not the work itself

Yeah! Exactly. And I don’t want to play defensive author here (lol I was last night ah well) but their review basically boiled down to 1) they didn’t like things about the a/b/o universe that were warned and tagged 2) they didn’t think Lex being broken out of prison made sense (it did? there were multiple explanations?) and 3) they thought every sex scene was the same (sure, I guess? a/b/o sex is fairly prescriptive)

So what that review tells me is they have poor reading comprehension AND no manners. And they’re into masochism because reading 130k of something they hate really doesn’t make sense otherwise.

[drakaripykiros130ac]

“The Greens are political masterminds compared to the Blacks.”

How many times have you heard this bullshit?

Their political incompetence is exactly what cost the Greens their victory in this war, and what gained Otto Hightower the gold medal in the “worst Hand in the history of Westeros” Olympics. And if you ask me, Criston Cole should have the silver for that one.

So, we’re talking about a faction who has been plotting to usurp the rightful heir, Rhaenyra Targaryen, for many, many years. They had so much time to prepare, and so many advantages: Alicent being queen and Otto being Hand, not to mention Rhaenyra and Daemon were away on Dragonstone for many years.

The Hightowers could have swayed things in their favor before Viserys’ death, and failed. They had to shuffle about, beg the Tyrells, send Aemond to Storm’s End with marriage promises etc. all after Viserys died. Lol. What have they done during those 10 years Rhaenyra was away on Dragonstone? They sat on their asses and did nothing. Not even prepare their puppet, Aegon Hightower.

Now, let’s list the Greens’ many, many mistakes:

1. Usurping the throne, instead of minding their own business and returning to Oldtown. Alicent doomed her entire line (children and grandchildren) with her schemes and thirst for power.

2. Not having Aemond and Daeron married by the time of the Dance. Boy, they really blew it with this one. Aemond was 20 when the Dance started and Daeron was 16. They could have been well married by the time Viserys died, and the Hightowers could have secured great alliances in time.

Rhaenyra’s sons were much younger than Alicent’s, and yet years before the Dance, she had Jacaerys and Lucerys betrothed to Baela and Rhaena, securing the Velaryons (a great power House) on her side for good. And certain people still have the nerve to say she did nothing.

Not having Aemond and Daeron married by the time of Viserys’ death, was a missed opportunity, which proves Otto and Alicent’s stupidity. They had the power, and Viserys was easily swayed, and they still screwed up big time.

3. Failing to get the support of their own liege lords, the Tyrells.

4. Failing to get the support of the Red Kraken and by extension, the Iron Islands. I mean, so few people realize that Daemon was the politically savvy one, knowing how to turn the Red Kraken against the Greens by appealing to his thirst for bloodshed. The Greens offered him the position of Master of Ships and he refused them, in exchange for a chance to stick it to the Lannisters. So basically, Daemon offered the Red Kraken nothing, compared to the Greens, and still managed to sway him to his side. That must have been so embarrassing for the Greens 😂.

5. Killing Lucerys. *claps* Well, done, Aemond One-Eye idiot. Before this, Rhaenyra was still determined to make peace with her half-brothers and half-sister, despite the usurpation, but not after they shed first blood and murdered her son. Hell no. Even Alicent and Otto were angry with Aemond for this one, because they knew how badly they screwed up.

The problem is that both Otto and Alicent lacked the intelligence to keep a bloodthirsty, idiotic maniac like Aemond in line. Not to mention that the one on their team holding their only ace-card, Vhagar, was this bloodthirsty, idiotic maniac.

6. Aegon Hightower choosing Criston Cole as his Hand. 😶 When I first read this part in the book, I was shocked. Definitely did not see that coming. Dismissing Otto as Hand (for the second time), I understand, considering that he really exudes incompetence. But what exactly went through the usurper’s puny brain when naming Cole as his Hand is beyond me. He is a military man. He is no political mastermind. Far from it. He is dumb as wood. He spent his entire career life kissing Alicent’s behind and only rising in ranking because of his hatred for Rhaenyra (because a young girl of 14 refused his advances).

There is a reason why Rhaenyra chose Corlys as her Hand, and not Daemon (like everyone expected her to).

Criston Cole led his forces in the Riverlands and got himself killed when facing the Winter Wolves. He didn’t even use his position as Hand. He just wore the pin.

Seriously, this has to be one of their dumbest moves. If I were in this usurper’s position, I would have chosen Tyland Lannister as my Hand, certainly not the overly subjective and creepy Incel who kisses my mother’s behind for a job.

7. Burning the Riverlands…for no good reason. *claps* Once again, let’s applaud Aemond’s idiocy. Basically, he decided to burn the Riverlands because their lords sided with Rhaenyra. That’s it.

Because of his stupidity, he basically secured the entire Riverlands on the side of the Blacks even after Rhaenyra’s death. The Riverlords fought for Rhaenyra’s son instead of agreeing to make peace with the Greens.

8. Choosing the Triarchy as an ally. What exactly made them think that they would gain any points by allying themselves with a great enemy of the people of Westeros? These are foreign savages that Daemon and Corlys have been fighting for years, and the Greens got in bed with them. Bringing an army of dangerous foreigners in a civil war is high treason against the Realm.

9. Burning Bitterbridge. The Reach was the Hightowers’ home, and not only did they fail to gain the support of the Paramount House there, but they also turned many of their bannermen against them. Well done. *sarcasm*

10. This one is one of my favorites: trusting the Goldcloaks. Otto Hightower knew perfectly well that the Goldcloaks were Daemon’s men, and despite making some changes and putting his son, Gwayne, as second in command, Otto still managed to get played and the Goldcloaks turned on the Greens when Daemon arrived in the capital.

The smart thing to do would have been to disband the Goldcloaks when the usurpation happened. The decision to keep them lost the Greens the capital.

11. Proposing to call a Great Council only when realizing that they were losing. So, once Rhaenyra took the capital, only then, did Alicent propose to call a Great Council. Why couldn’t she suggest that before usurping the throne? Alicent’s stupidity got her the nickname “Queen of Chains”.

12. Trusting the Dragonseeds who betrayed Rhaenyra. Seriously…how stupid could they be? Don’t they know that people who betray once have a tendency to do it again??? The Two Betrayers wasted no time and turned on the Greens soon after because they wanted the throne for themselves.

13. Trusting Larys Strong. This creep got his own family killed for the sake of power. He has no morals and is just like Littlefinger. Once he realized that the Greens were losing, Larys turned on them and most likely participated in poisoning Aegon the Usurper.

14. Refusing to name Aegon the Younger heir and sue for peace with the Black armies after Rhaenyra’s death. This basically guaranteed the Greens’ permanent defeat.

15. Trying to convince her eight year old granddaughter to kill her husband lost Alicent any freedom rights after she lost the war, and she spent the rest of her life in isolation and madness.

So, seriously, people who say that Otto and Alicent are politically intelligent need to get a clue and read the book.

[petalkitshadow]

Talking About: Appledusk

So, Appledusk is a character who my interpretation of probably gets questioned the most by readers. Which is understandable! He's not really an antagonist in MV; or, at least, the reader is supposed to understand in MV that while Mapleshade views him antagonistically, the narration is biased into her favor due to the story being from her POV. But the role he takes on in PkS is quite actually antagonistic to Petalpaw and her struggles.... so I thought it would be interesting to dive into it and explain my thoughts behind why I wrote him the way I did!

So - I want to start out by saying that Appledusk is a fictional character. It doesn't bother me if you like Appledusk, or view him differently than I do. I just happen to dislike him, which I think is pretty clear from how he fits into Petalkit's Shadow, lol. But even if I dislike him, I still wanted him to play an interesting role and serve his purpose, which involves making him as frustrating as possible!

When coming up with ideas for how characters will be in PkS, I often don't have much to go on. Mapleshade is really the only character from the cast who has a ton of focus in the canon books. Appledusk is one of those characters who falls a bit in a middle ground. He has enough going for him in MV that you can get a basic idea for how he is, but you still gotta do a lot of legwork on figuring out deeper aspects of his character. for PkS, I look at the characters' actions and go, "what kind of person would do this?" and then write the kind of person who I think would do that, basically.

Appledusk, he struck me as being very focused on self preservation. When he's with Mapleshade in private, he has no problem being loving to her and the kits. But the moment he might face repercussions - repercussions Mapleshade is already facing, he becomes detached and cold. What stuck out to me is how Mapleshade kept thinking that Appledusk never asked the kits' names. Now, Mapleshade as a narrator is biased. But she's right - Appledusk never asks what the names of his children are. He gives no outward signs of grief when faced with their death, and he makes no attempt to speak privately with Mapleshade after the kits drown. Of course, anger is a very valid form of grief, as we all know from Petalpaw. but Appledusk then going on to throw Mapleshade under the bus, and not show her a shred of sympathy even though he is currently suffering from the exact same prejudice that cost Mapleshade everything, speaks to me a lot about his values. When faced with his supposed loved one at her lowest, with nothing left to lose, his reaction is to distance himself from her as much as possible in the hopes that he will be punished less. It's cowardly, it's infuriating, and makes him seem so, so cruel to me.

And then, there's Reedshine. Reedshine in canon irks me a lot, in a meta sense. She's been hurt in similar ways as Mapleshade. Appledusk cheated on her too! But she immediately forgives him, and shows no conflict about Appledusk's actions. She's given no room to grieve or to hurt, she has to immediately come to Appledusk's defense. Reedshine and Mapleshade were both made to bear pain that Appledusk had no interesting in helping them shoulder.

To me, it really felt like Appledusk took the women in his life for granted. Why else would he have an affair, and not confess to it until literal, physical, damning evidence was put on display for everyone to see? Did he consider his own feelings, his own wants and desires, to be more important than that of Mapleshade, or Reedshine's? Mapleshade, with her penchant for cold-blooded murder, is definitely a worse person than Appledusk. But Appledusk's cruelty, I think it gets more under my skin because it feels real. How many serial killers do you know? probably none. But how many indifferent men who think women are just too emotional do you know? how many half-rate, self-absorbed fathers do you know? probably a small selection, at least.

So, when coming up with the basics for PkS, I imagined in the wake of this fiasco, Appledusk would be most focused on his own image, like he seems to be in canon. He wants to go back to being an esteemed, respected warrior. What's the best way to do that? Is it to step up, and be there for his traumatized daughter, offer her guidance and try to to fill the void left by losing her other parent?

No, of course not. Because to Appledusk, his daughter is a constant reminder of the mistakes he's made. He doesn't want to reckon with those mistakes, and he doesn't want to consider that he did something wrong.

In a way... he is a lot like his daughter. (Petalpaw would kill me if she could read me typing this, lol). They both are set in their ways, and very, very stubborn.

So, tl;dr... Appledusk in PkS is an extrapolation based on what I interpret from his character. But he's a character with so little to go on I think there are many ways to interpret him. This is just my thought process about him!

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

What To Get A 19 Year Old Boy For His Birthday...

Pairing: Platonic! Peter Parker & Reader; Reader x Bucky (but that's not really plot relevant)

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: none as usual, you yell at Strange lol

Genre: super fluff

Summary: You happen to be the only person who still remembers Peter Parker exists and you are not about to hang him out to dry. So what happens when you take Peter in and basically become his guardian? Well- nothing is simple where super-teens are involved, but you and Peter can certainly handle whatever comes your way. Right?

***

You from to yourself, feeling like you're forgetting something even though you're just watching TV with Bucky. There's nothing to forget that you can-

"Oh shit-" You gasp sitting up suddenly. Bucky grabs the remote and turns the volume down.

"What?" He frowns shifting to look at you.

"I just realized Peter's birthday's next week and I haven't even thought of what to get him or what to do or-"

"Take a breath y/n. You still have a week." Bucky reminds you with a hand on your shoulder.

"What do I get a nineteen year old boy for his birthday?" You turn to him.

"Why are you asking me?" He blinks.

"You're a guy!"

"I'm a hundred and seven?! I haven't been nineteen in like eighty years, do you really think I would have any idea what a modern teen would want? I can guarantee my interests at nineteen were far different." He scoffs.

"Well what did you want at nineteen?" You ask.

"To avoid another world war?" He shrugs and your mouth drops open.

"I can't fucking stand you." You laugh shoving him lightly.

"Oh come on, how could I resist?!"

"You're so irritating! Be serious." You say fighting giggles.

"Alright, alright, what's the kid interested in?"

"I dunno, comic books, video games, nerdy stuff?" You shrug.

"I've never seen him play video games before." Bucky frowns.

"He plays them on his computer."

"He doesn't have a gaming system of some sort?"

"No?"

"Do you own one?"

"No."

"So get him one of those and a couple of games." Bucky shrugs.

"That's a great idea! And you said you wouldn't know what to get him." You smile.

"I'm sure you could've figured that out."

"You'll come shopping with me won't you? I have no idea what games to get for him honestly."

"How about you take care of the system and I'll worry about the games. Split the cost of this birthday thing."

"What do you mean you're going to worry about the games?" You frown.

"Just trust me. How much is the system anyway?"

"Probably three, maybe four hundred dollars. Depends."

"Sheesh. That's- pricier than I expected honestly." He hums.

"Yeah they can get pretty up there." You shrug.

"Alright then if you buy the system I'll take the kid out and get him an equivalent in games."

"You really wanna spend $600 on his birthday?" You blink.

"I mean he's lost his entire family and he never goes anywhere or talks of friends, we're probably the only people he's going to get gifts from. We can take some of the money from the Stark account." Bucky says. When Tony died there were a couple of accounts set up in your name to take over Avengers related expenses. One to be used for the team's avenging related tasks and one to help the team with personal affects- mostly Thor since he'll likely never have a job here but he's not here that much these days anyway.

"I don't want to get into the habit of using that money, in case of an emergency." You say.

"Baby, you're a witch and I'm a super soldier I can't imagine there will be many emergencies where that money is our only solution. Stark died and we ended up with enough money to change our tax bracket. Six hundred dollars would hardly make a dent and if ever we're in a situation where we do have to use that money for an emergency and we find ourselves $600 short I'm sure neither of us will look back and say 'if only we hadn't given that kid we're responsible for a great birthday gift he loved'." Bucky says.

"Very well, we'll use the Stark account and do it big for him." You say.

"There- now you can stop panicking about his birthday." Bucky pulls you back into his side and turns the volume back up on the TV. You don't point out to Bucky how it seems he's bonded with Peter a bit. At least to some degree since he's suddenly advocating for a big birthday gift for him. You know he'll deny it if you bring it up so you simply smile to yourself at the thought and settle back into his chest. You'll head to the store tomorrow to pick up a console and some birthday supplies.

*~*~*

"Bucky can you grab the candles from the bedroom please baby? They should be in the bag on my desk." You shout while carefully removing the plastic covering from Peter's birthday cake.

"On it!" Bucky calls back from the living room. Moments later, he hands you the opened candles.

"Thank you for opening them." You kiss his cheek and carefully stick the 1 and 9 on the cake without disturbing the Happy Birthday Peter written in blue frosting.

"How long do you think it'll take him to come back?" Bucky asks.

"I only asked him to get some salt, he should be opening the door any minute now." You shrug. "Do you think he suspects anything?"

"Nah, I'll bet when you didn't wish him happy birthday this morning or make anything special for breakfast that he assumed we didn't know or weren't going to make a big deal about it."

"Oh- I hope he's not moping through the streets thinking we forgot." You frown.

"I mean I don't-" Bucky stops suddenly. "He's coming down the hall, light the candles." He tells you. You grab the lighter and quickly light the candles, lifting the cake just as the handle turns.

"Hey. Got the salt you asked for-"

"Happy Birthday Peter!!" You shout when he enters the kitchen.

"Happy birthday kid." Bucky nods.

"You remembered my birthday?"

"Of course I did sweetie! Make a wish." You walk the cake over to him and hold it out for him to blow out the candles. He looks between you and Bucky a couple of times before closing his eyes and blowing out the candles quickly.

"Yay!" You say setting the cake on the counter.

"Thanks guys- I- I kinda thought you'd miss it."

"Nonsense! How could I? Oh and before I forget, your gift." You float the prettily wrapped box from behind the island, into the Peter's hands.

"What is it?"

"You know the point of wrapping a gift is for you to unwrap it in order to find out what's in it." Bucky tells him.

"I know- but I thought maybe you'd tell me anyway." Peter shrugs.

"No way! That ruins the surprise! Open it." You clap excitedly.

"Alright alright." Peter says. He quickly tears off the wrapping paper and his mouth drops open when he fully reveals the box. "You got me an Xbox?" His voice is full of disbelief but you can't say for sure if that's good or not.

"Do you like it?" You ask.

"A-are you kidding?! This is like the best gift I've ever gotten!" Peter says throwing his arms around you. You hug him back relieved that the gift was a success.

"I'm glad! Bucky and I had no idea what to get you." You chuckle.

"You did great." He says.

"This is only the first half of the gift technically. A console needs games, so I'm taking you out to buy some." Bucky adds.

"No way- you don't have to this is already plenty I-I mean these things aren't cheap I don't wanna take advantage of-"

"It's not a question kid, we're going. After lunch." Bucky cuts him off.

"Really? Today?" Peter blinks at him.

"You wanna be able to set that thing up or not?"

"We'll go after lunch." Peter nods. "Are you coming with us y/n?"

"I can't hon I've got some errands to run." You say.

"I hoped we'd all be together for my birthday."

"Don't worry, we'll all be back for dinner together."

"Oh, okay, that's fine then."

He's probably nervous about spending extended time alone with Bucky but you think it'll be good for them to find common ground that's not contingent on you. Obviously, they're capable of coordinating if your anniversary is any indicator. You want to give them the chance to build on that.

In the meanwhile, you have something of equal importance to take care of. You push open the heavy doors to Stephen Strange's lair. He doesn't call it that, and he rather hates it when you do, but that's basically what it is.

"Strange!" You shout.

"Y/n! Hello, to what do I owe this visit?" He asks floating down to meet you. You walk up to him and smack your palm against his forehead. "I guess this isn't a friendly visit then." He hisses rubbing his forehead.

"Not quite." You roll your eyes. A quick succession of hand gestures completes the spell that unlocks Stephen's memories of Peter. He takes a sharp breath as his memories return.

"You know- there are less painful ways do that spell." He says after a moment.

"There are also more painful ways to do that spell be glad I just tapped your forehead." You say.

"Tapped is a bit of an understatement, don't you think?"

"I wanted to beat your ass. Count your blessings I didn't come in here and do that."

"I assume this is about Peter, then?" Stephen sighs.

"Help me with the math here, a 17-year-old comes to you and says 'I want to alter reality' and you don't consider- not doing that?"

"Well hang on I definitely warned him it was a bad idea but he was insistent that it was ruining his life."

"Dude he was 17. A 17 year old will think the world is ending because his best friend moves away before senior year of high school. Granted he's dealt with some pretty intense adult troubles but he's still just a kid and you're like pushing 50 he isn't the responsible party in that situation." You say.

"Watch it, pushing 50 is an exaggeration." Stephen points.

"Not. The point. You altered the very fabric of time and space not once, but twice at the behest of a child."

"It wouldn't have been twice if he hadn't totally screwed up the first one."

"You're the sorcerer not him. It was your spell. Your responsibility." You say.

"Hey he kept adding caveats in the middle of my casting and magic is tricky enough as is without that."

"I know how tricky magic is, which is why I wouldn't have an untrained teenager be part of casting a spell of that magnitude in the first place! It was a bad decision on your part and in the end you got to walk away as if it never even happened. And that might be even more egregious, you completely abandoned the kid after all that chaos."

"Well not completely, I knew the probability of you being unaffected by the spell and thus stepping in was almost 100%."

"Almost 100 isn't 100 and that's still abandoning. The moment you decided to do that spell for him you took on a responsibility." You say.

"So what was I supposed to do? Simply take him in?" He scoffs.

"Well when you take away his entire support system with a spell that is the least you can do Strange."

"He knew the consequences, and it all worked out fine. He's got you now." He shrugs.

"I wonder if you just don't hear yourself speak or if you truly struggle with emotional intelligence so severely." You take a moment to really look at him as if the answer will come to you if you stare at him for long enough. "Whatever, I didn't come here just to yell at you."

"Really? I couldn't have guessed that."

"Today is Peter's birthday. I came to fix your memories so you could send him a birthday card." You say.

"Why would I do that?" He frowns.

"Because your botched spell resulted in the death of his only remaining living relative? We're all he's got."

"Hey I fixed that situation to the best of my ability."

"And it didn't bring his aunt back. It also cost him every relationship he's ever developed. Send him a damn card. Today." You spin around and walk back towards the door. "Be glad I won't drop him on your doorstep. He doesn't deserve that punishment." You scoff, waving the doors open and heading back towards your own apartment to get started on dinner. 

"So how did game shopping go?" You ask Bucky and Peter once you're all sat eating dinner.

"Oh we got way more than I would've expected. Mr. Bucky was overly generous I just hope it's clear how greatful I am."

"You've thanked me at least 10 times in the last hour. You've been more than clear kid. It's your birthday so you can stop now."

"I'm glad you had a nice time." You chuckle.

"What did you get up to while we were out baby?" Bucky asks.

"Just some errands nothing interesting." You shrug.

"Nothing interesting?" He raises an eyebrow.

"A little of this a little of that. My to-do list never ends really. Some shopping, I hit the bank, made some visits. You know how it goes."

"I dunno about you but that sounds rather suspicious to me Peter." Bucky turns to him.

"Definitely." Peter nods.

"I clearly made a mistake letting you two spend the afternoon together." You roll your eyes grabbing yours and Peter's now empty plates.

"We will discover your secrets y/n." Bucky warns.

"Good luck with that." You chuckle kissing Bucky's temple before walking the dishes over to the sink.

"Oh no you don't, you cooked, I'll do the dishes." Bucky wraps his hands around your waist and moves you from in front of the sink.

"Fine fine, Petey you want help setting up your Xbox then?" You ask.

"Sure! Is it okay to set it up in my room?"

"Of course it is. It's your thing. Plus if you end up playing all day long I don't want you taking over my living room." You tap his shoulder.

"Cool." He chuckles.

It doesn't take you long to set up the system in his room, it's just a matter of plugging in it and then the rest is for him to do on his own, make an account and such. You're just about to leave his room when a small portal appears in front of him.

"Peter. Happy birthday." Strange says reaching through with a card. You hold back a smile as Peter takes the card with obvious shock on his face.

"T-thanks Mr. Strange." Peter says. Stephen nods and closes the portal without another word.

"I didn't think he remembered me." Peter blinks at you.

"The world works in mysterious was huh." You ruffle Peter's hair. "I'll leave you to get used to your new toy." You add before exiting his room and joining Buckyin the living room.

"Okay, so where did you go today? Really?"

"Honestly I had to go yell at Strange for some magic related things." You say.

"What did he do?"

"It's complicated. Let's just say it'll be a while before I leave our timeline in his hands if ever again." You muse.

"Ah is that why you didn't bring it up at dinner? So the kid doesn't ask about Strange?"

"Yeah basically." You shrug. You're sure Bucky means in terms of Peter not knowing that you're an Avenger or whatever but seeing as you can't explain the real reason you didn't want to talk about it at dinner you see no reason to correct him at the moment. Eventually you'll give him all the details, but today has been good for all of you, you'd like to end on a high.

***

Tagged Users: @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @buchi91

[elliepassmore]

His Majesty's Dragon review

5/5 stars Recommended if you like: historical fiction, dragons, historical fantasy, alt history

I actually got two copies of this at a book event nearly 10 years ago, never read it, then gave both of them away in 2020, only to come back and read it and love it, lol. Admittedly I like this cover a lot better than the one I had, so it's probably a good thing.

This book is set during the Napoleonic Wars, and everything is roughly as it was in actual history, except there are and have been dragons, which obviously changes some things. I'm not an expert on the Napoleonic Wars, but the broad strokes of it seem to be the same, with Napoleon facing down Britain's navy on one side and a flagging Austria on the other. Tensions are high and everyone is worried about an invasion. The battle of Trafalgar happens with, I think, only a couple notable differences (spoilery, so I won't say).

I haven't read a ton of alt history books (I think the Lady Trent memoirs might be the only other?), so I really enjoyed seeing the differences between what I know of history and what played out here. It's also interesting because it's less of a "what if X won Y war instead" alternate history, and more of a "what if we've always had dragons" kind of alt history. There are a lot of changes to the basic setup of things because dragons are a known thing and have been for a while, so obviously certain accommodations have to be made and some things play out differently because how could they not?

Will Laurence is an upright navy man faced with the end of his Navy career and the beginning of his Aerial Corps one. I did feel bad for him in the beginning since he seems to really like his life and he has a nice setup for getting married soon, but over time as he and Temeraire bond more, I feel less bad since he also feels less bad. Laurence is one of those people who believes in Duty, Honor, Country, and generally thinks they're the same thing. It can be annoying, though it isn't here yet, so I'm interested to see in how things play out in later books. I liked seeing how Laurence bonded with Temeraire and I'm glad that the two of them not only get along but seem to genuinely love each other. He does things a little differently than most riders, but it's to the benefit of his dragon. I also liked that Laurence was open to the little ones and willing to help them learn.

Temeraire is a rare breed of dragon who ends up partnered with Laurence. He's exceptionally smart and is quick to learn new things. I enjoyed his thirst for knowledge and love of reading and having intellectual conversations/debates. He's got a lot of natural curiosity that I enjoyed. At the same time, Temeraire is also compassionate and extremely loyal. He feels for other dragons and riders when something goes wrong, and at times bad things happening to others puts him in somewhat of a depression. His loyalty is to Laurence, which causes some friction when he wants to protect Laurence potentially at the cost of others/England's defense, which I feel like makes sense considering what Temeraire knows at this point in his life. I do think he gets 'duty' a little more at the end of the book, when they're faced with a big battle.

Considering this is the intro to the world and to the Aerial Corps, I feel like we don't totally get to know the other characters all that well yet. There's Catherine Harcourt and Lily, the leaders of the formation Laurence and Temeraire are in. Lily is also a young dragon, but doesn't have too much page time, and Catherine is much younger than a lot of the other characters. She clearly loves Lily, but we don't get a great feel on her yet. Same with Matthew Berkley and Maximus, but they do get a little more page time. Berkley and Laurence hit it off right away, despite things seeming rocky at first.

We get a little bit more page time with Rankin, which ends up being interesting. I'll be honest, and this has nothing to do with the series or the author, but the author of the main source for the research project I'm working has a last name of Rankin and it did bring me out of the story a little every time I read his name. Besides that, Rankin and Laurence hit it off quickly, albeit not for long, due to their similar interests and the fact that he's one of the few Aerial Corps people who isn't annoyed Laurence got the fancy dragon instead of one of their own.

Granby also gets a decent amount of page time, surprisingly. He appears friendly at first, but becomes more antagonistic when he learns what dragon Laurence has. Most of his other appearances for a while are him being petty/antagonistic toward Laurance. However, after spending time on Laurence and Temeraire's crew, Granby softens up and seems to recognize that Laurence not only takes good care of his dragon but also that he's a good leader. I ended up liking Granby and Laurence's relationship and how they came to rely on one another.

Overall I enjoyed this book and liked seeing an alternate history of the Napoleonic Wars if there were dragons. It's a somewhat slow book, but I enjoyed getting to know the characters and learning about the world and dragons.

[aakeysmash]

Pls give us a storytime ☕

OMG I’M SO LATE BUT THIS IS THE STORY TIME OF MY RESIGNING so if u don’t care abt me and want me dead don’t expand this (this is gonna have a lot of details)

BASICALLY.

The boss was a complete ASSHOLE. He treated every employee like shit, and what I mean with this is he literally barged into offices saying “you are incompetent and you don’t know how to do your job” in front of people’s faces and in front of the colleagues there too.

When my internship ended (i have to intern at a company to be able to graduate) they offered me a job, like I said like 250 yrs ago (lol guys i’m sorryyyy, if u kept up with the random ass updates ily!!!). They told me I needed to follow the publishing of an entire book series about the enogastronomy state of my country. I have 3 things to add for context:

1) I said from the start this job wouldn’t be my priority, since my priority is graduating; this is why I could only work 20 hrs/week instead of 40

2) I said from the start I had another job I didn’t want to leave (because they pay me more and because I have a beautiful relationship with basically all of my colleagues there)

3) They knew from the start I knew completely NOTHING about enogastronomy.

They agreed to all 3 points.

NOW.

After a week, the woman (45~50 yo, someone with a lot of experience of commercial stuff) who was searching for/contacting/having any type of relationship with sponsors quit. She literally said “today is my last day” and she was GONE. I already had 350 things to do and I was already struggling to keep up lmao, but the boss had NO intention of employing someone else and they basically said “uhmmm well now YOU have to do it 🥰🤙🏻😜”.

Guys. I barely know how to manage MY money. I have absolutely no knowledge about commercial stuff and they KNEW IT!!!!!!

I spent 2 weeks trying to find where the woman-who-got-away left her notes, what were the notes, about who and for what; I had to look up contracts and remake some of them (mind you: i’ve never done these type of things); contact the ones who write the damn guides and ask them where were they with their own sponsors and shit. I barely had any guidance, and I want to make it very clear. My supervisor was a wonderful girl but she had SO MUCH WORK TO DO, she literally went home and kept working without getting payed for extra hours because she almost never managed to finish her work at the office. It’s not like I could disturb her every second of every day, and some things were up to the boss, which NEVER FUCKING ANSWERED. He kept on saying “ask your supervisor” like… bro I need YOUR opinion wtf?

Anyway, after these 2 weeks my boss said “you have to prepare a call in which you’re going to try to sell me the guide” (+ “the work you did is basically futile because you have to call everyone woman-who-got-away already contacted” which is… fucking nuts). AT THE SAME TIME, a lot of “historical sponsors” decided not to partecipate this year, so we had a big hole in our book series budget but it was literally all the boss’ fault because he doesn’t know how to keep a normal work relationship and always ends up arguing with everyone.

I had to prepare this fuck ass call not knowing ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING!! I even made my supervisor ask me tricky questions to help me prepare better. At the same time it was easter + vacays blablabla and so we had this “closing point” at the end of april.

Guys.

When I tell you this man had something to say for every sentence I told him, I mean it.

We spent more than an hour talking about this fucking call and he kept asking me absurd questions like “what’s the cost of this type of pasta made by this brand for each kilo” or “what’s the difference between *bottle from a random ass brand of wine* and *another bottle from a random ass brand of wine*?”. He even asked me in which CITIES were the restaurants we had in each food guide (we had like 1300 restaurants and this is not a random number) and which were the top chefs by region. And these are only a FEEEWWW of the questions.

He said I had to be much more passionate about the job (which was literally completely different from what they initially told me), that I had to be so interested that I had to go home and study from morning to night EVERYTHING about the food and wine world, that I had to surprise him by how many things I knew. He said I was incompetent (“but I’m talking to someone who doesn’t understand shit” were his words) and told my supervisor in private that he was tired of me because I kept on not bringing him successful sponsors. Bitch u know damn well you expected miracles by someone who didn’t even know what a miracle was…

Now, let’s get back to the 3 points I made up here somewhere.

And now let’s get back to the end of this “meeting”.

I exited the office saying “what the fuck am I still doing here when I’m not doing something I’m interested in, they pay me SO LITTLE, I don’t even have time to study for uni anymore and the boss doesn’t treat me like a person but as someone he can exploit?”

And so I left. BYE BITCH I HOPE YOUR BOOK SERIES FAILS

[mcalhenwrites]

I am still alive but have no spoons to directly reply to anyone right now. I'm working on stuff with roommate and therapy, but... unless the money situation improves, my life won't. There are no good days to return to. The problem is, I have a collective 39 years that have added to nothing. And I have still tried to be optimistic. To work through the chronic pain to write, work, and be there for my friends when they need me. (But it all gets harder the more time that passes.) When people still say I'm a good friend, I'm baffled. I don't see it. My writing isn't working out. I need it to, or I will not survive financially, and it just seems a little cruel to ask me to hold out and hold out for something that's never going to happen - all so I can die the hardest possible way in the end, bc I fought like hell to still be at the bottom. I'm not currently suicidal, but I'm pretty much just going day-by-day, trying to find improvements and realizing it all comes down to the same issue: I have no money. And the issue isn't "fix health to work more at a job that isn't writing" - I can manage fibromyalgia and IBS, and the latter costs money to obtain the correct food to do so. I qualify for medicaid; I don't qualify for food assistance now that I work a job! I quit crochet and people threw a tantrum, and if you want to see my self-defensive "I CANNOT DO THIS AND WILL NOT AND FUCK OFF" as a tantrum... go ahead. I do not give a fuck. I love writing. I did it even when I knew it was awful, bc I figured the more I did it, the more I would improve. I worked hard. It just isn't good enough for the world. That's okay. I have always been a loser at everything. Everything ties back to writing: I need to do it for my comfort and therapy. I want my stories out there bc I want to be able to offer other people that comfort. Too many of us come from abusive households, and some of us had it shape our mental health and our sexualities. I need to publish to make money to survive, bc I can write while bedridden. I can write while most of my body is sore and my eyes are half-closed and I'm bored but unable to play games or read or clean or anything else due to physical pain/exhaustion. (And yes, there are times writing is also impossible, and I'm crying in bed bc of the pain intensity levels.) Unless you have a chronic pain issue coupled with comorbidities, I don't want your lectures or assumptions. I don't want to hear that there is "help" while I watched the system try to push my autistic brother into a goodwill job that falls below min wage, and when he wasn't able to handle the responsibilities, they've basically refused to help him otherwise. Even though my brother is capable of many things, he is "disabled" in the system, and they want to insert him into a fixed situation they put all disabled people. I'm doing better than him financially, but when my parents go, he has no one. And I can't be that person, ever. I can't even get my dog back right now. I can barely afford to visit him, but I'm going to anyway soon bc I need to hug him or I really will fucking off myself. I need a lot of support to get my writing off the ground, and I'm never going to deserve it. If I did, it would have happened by now. My roommate wants me to keep trying, but... I don't have hope it'll work out. Right now, I'm so overworked I can barely get any writing done. And I'm working about 15 hours a week. At a low-demand job where I sit most of the time, and cleaning maybe takes 40 minutes at its WORST. Yeah. I'm pathetic indeed. I can't help but feel that way. And when I give myself a little treat to survive the next day, it's at a steep cost to my future. I can buy a book and go to the library, but at the end of the day, that's all time and money that should have been spent on work and saving. Life is punishing, and I just don't know if I can keep being punished. I'm not even this kind of masochist lol

[scarafrisbee]

–and they ask, is he your boyfriend? -> thoma x gn!celeb!reader

syn: you're a famous celebrity on the red carpet, signing for fans until you encounter a certain someone...

/ cute stuff, fluff???, kisses (ish), modern au, lower case intended, not proof read, pet names? (angel, love)

/ i'm back (like anybody cares) (the last time i posted a fic was almost a year ago) (idek what happened to me nd my crush) (lol not rlly they gave me a love letter earlier today) (valentines special??? lol)

the lights are bright enough to blur your vision; if you were new to this industry that is. walking on the red carpet, the fans scream your name and all eyes are on you. you're all too familiar, really. and of course, with fame comes with its own hurdles— like people prying into your personal life, invading general privacy or trying to figure out who the hell you may or may not be dating.

of no surprises, there's fans and other people on the barricades sticking out arms with items for you to sign. plenty of people screaming you, your name and whatever they can to catch your attention. nobody in particular catches your eye as you approached and signed their items with a smile, until you see him.

his endearing green eyes, charming smile— and who else would it be, none other than thoma? you adore him like nothing and nobody more. he's like the honey to your bitter tea, making everything better.

at this point, you've signed plenty of things. books, posters, even some people's phone cases or something. fans will always find a way to make your brain spin, don't they?

thoma smiles right at you, his hand out with a simple novel. "angel!" he blurts out with a silly lovestruck grin, "how have you been?" thoma asks, succeeding at painting a silly grin on your lips.

— he's your rock, staying with you all times. through now, then and every second he can in the counting future.

thoma looks at you with equal adoration, his eyes crinkling into a smile. "better," you responded with a quiet chuckle.

with the marker you held and signed a plenty of items with, you took the novel and signed it. thoma acts as though he was a regular fan, and not like your boyfriend.

looking upon the book before giving it back, it was one of those silly romance-centric works. cute little rom-com with no hopes and dreams crushed! wow. you could describe your dearest thoma that way, no? unapologetically loving, and all too generous.

very generous. and very sappy.

much so as he pulls you in with a smile, your heart fluttering upon a simple kiss on the amidst the flashing lights. cameras everywhere catch the moment as you shimmy off thoma with a laugh— "hey love, hey- not here!" you said in a whispery tone, gently rubbing your cheek.

your attention goes on elsewhere; you continue down the scarlet path, and like all events, reach the entrance to disappear into the depths of these rich companies and their events. you bid goodbye to those who border the barricades, walking in within the walls of many could only dream of coming inside.

all the while you enjoy your party and wine that would cost the regular person a lung, you encounter more people. interviewers, people with practically hearts in their eyes and the soft chatter of other around you.

the night is relatively peaceful after that, thankfully. nothing irregular could happen after, surely.

— what a ruckus you have made.

peace or chaos, whatever it is, it's basically a whole phenomena the day tomorrow. you wake up to posts about you and thoma, and that little cheek kiss he gave you the previous few hours before.

no wonder your phone's been blowing up all night and day. what is happening to the world?

"love? did you check twitter?" you asked thoma later that day, tilting your head in slight confusion. you're not exactly sure what's going on in the internet as of current...

"yeah, i said i was your boyfriend." thoma continued as he chuckled, "your fans just need you to confirm it."

note;; wowowow after a decade (10 months) and a difficult period in my life (i was just too busy) i finally post smth !!! wow. aaaaaa this was js to my get writing going again, i hope to post moree

[spicybees]

congrats on getting top surgery soon! May I ask how the process went for getting the consultation and all that? And what sort of options you had going into it if it’s not too much to ask… I’m hoping to get top surgery myself in a couple years and I don’t know where to start. Thank you so much!

THANK YOU SO MUCH I still can’t believe it’s happening I keep having to pinch myself. I’ll explain below the read more because it gets quite long but I’m more than happy to answer!

Okay so first of all I live in Australia so the process is drastically different than other countries like the US (sorry if you don’t live there either lol) but I can share my experience of the Australian process!

I could have just called up a surgeon without a referral if I chose to but if I did that I wouldn’t receive a Medicare rebate (which takes about 1k off the surgeons final price) so I went to see my GP first and asked for top surgery lol. Keep in mind I had not brought up my chest dysphoria at all to my GP in the 18 years she has been my doctor so it was quite a shock to her. And idk about other states but in Queensland they do require a year of supporting documentation to be considered for top surgery. But I got my way around that with sharing photos of me wearing a binder from when I was 14 LOL. That and my psychologist knowing a tiny bit but really nothing more that I was unhappy so mostly the photos.

I don't have private health so this was done uninsured which means I pay out of pocket for everything but honestly it wasn't too bad all things considered (private health wouldn't cover this anyway so I wasn't losing much) it totaled to about 9.3k for the surgeon, 2.6k for the anaesthetist and 2.8k for the day hospital. That with my rent and bills and food on top totalled to about 17k overall, but it would be much cheaper if you don't need to take as much time off as I do. I get a rebate from Medicare of about 1k (maybe more for the anaesthetist I don't know yet) so when I get that back in my account I would have only spent 16k.

I got asked some basic questions such as if I had any other parts of my body I was unhappy with in a similar way but it really wasn’t that invasive or much. I got my referral and received a call from the surgeons office the next day booking in my consult for the following month! I got asked if I had anyone specific in mind at my gp appointment and before I even replied she suggested the person I was about to say lol, turns out they were in the same year at medical school!

At my consult I explained what I was there for (she was unsure if she had it right bc I do identify as a woman socially and that’s not going to change) but she was amazing and understood exactly what I was looking for! She let me know I needed a psychiatrists letter of approval within 3 months of my surgery date just saying I’m like.. mentally stable and making an informed decision but I knew that already so I had my psychiatrist booked in the following day! I also had my surgery date booked the day of the consult (consult was 29th of August and surgery date is 25th of October) which was tentatively locked in until I got my psychiatrist letter. I also received my estimated cost for everything on consult day.

When I saw her the next day it was my last sorta time I had to explain like yes I’m a girl yes I know what I’m doing which had at this point become kinda annoying but luckily she was cool with it and wrote me the letter. I emailed that to my surgeon and then I got sent my admission paperwork and a bunch of forms I needed to return lol. I also got my pre op appointment booked and got told when I needed to pay by.

At my pre op appointment (earlier this week) I got measurements taken for my compression binder I have to wear 6 weeks post op and I also got pictures taken (awkward), and I was able to ask as many questions as I needed about the process. I suggest writing down a little list because you will forget in the excitement of it all (I had my best friend Shannon come with me for my pre op appointment to ask questions as well because they are going to be my caretaker post op).

Since that’s done and I’ve paid my surgeon I just need to pay my anaesthetist and hospital but that’s done closer to the surgery date. All future costs related to my surgeon such as post op appointments are all covered by the initial cost I paid, but if I need revision surgery that is an additional cost later down the line.

Now for procedure specific things..

Because of my breast size I was able to get keyhole and periareolar as well as double incision as options. I did end up going with double incision purely because I do not want to keep my nipples lol and the scars are meaningful to me. I was happy to know I had the options though! Felt really nice. She explained the options for scar placement and shape and asked whether I wanted to achieve a flat look or more a pec like look too. It was nice to work with someone who understood exactly what I am going for in this and it was really euphoric.

My surgeon does do drains BUT they do not need to be emptied or ‘milked’ as some people say online. She laughed and said that was an American thing and that I just need to monitor the output once a day. She also said I’ll be pretty tender but honestly won’t feel too shitty after and that I don’t need to worry about doing T rex arms lol, and to just work within my bodies limits. If my body hurts I don’t do it essentially.

As for time off from work I do work a physically demanding job that requires me to do heavy lifting, so I needed at least 6 weeks off. I ended up taking 9 off because it was leading up to Christmas and I don’t want to risk stretching my scars. I am going to be very short on money because of this but my health comes first. My boss was super chill about it and I have already sorted out a replacement for my hours since I am a manager and do need to be covered consistently lol.

Outside of that it’s really just waiting now! Shannon is taking 3 weeks of work themself to care for me but I really don’t think I’ll need their help physically for longer than a week, but the moral support is everything. My friends are also helping me out food wise the first week or so :3

I’m happy to answer any other questions people may have but do keep in mind I haven’t actually had my surgery yet so.. I only know so much right now.

[katies-anonymous-post-box]

its my sisters birthday in two days, and i was thinking about what to get her. but the thing is i think im the only one, and i've been kinda in charge of gifts for a while now. my parents kinda have stopped.. thinking hard about presents...? i dunno. for the past year or so from my sisters reactions the gifts i get and pick out for her are her favorites. its not that my parents are bad gift givers; they got my sister a cute notebook from her last birthday and she's been using it all year for her drawings. and they just booked a hotel water park thingy for her birthday which cost a lot, so they do care!! and there's a school camp trip thats in two weeks that she's going too (and im going to help out thanks to a program at our school) but so far all the gifts that i had to argue with my mom to buy were all from me. yesterday i had a small argument with her about gifts. she told me that she had an ideas, and that was to get her a bracelet. i asked her what else. she was quiet for a good 10 seconds and then i asked again, and she got all kinda mad and said 'i dont have to tell you everything' and i think i speak for all kids is that thats the reaction of a parent who doesnt know. its the same as because i said so. i've found two other gifts for her that are on sale and i hope that my mom will get them for her. she told me that 'i cant do everything for her' and yeah well i wouldnt be if i knew that you were already doing so.

i remember when i was in fifth grade, me and my friend were talking about our birthdays since they were on the same day, and after she told me about what she did she asked me what i did. i told her i went to a trampoline park. she asked what i got. i said i didnt get anything. she was shocked. my teacher asked us what we did too, and when i was answering she asked what else we did. i was quiet for a few seconds, and she asked if we went out to a restaurant. i lied and said that we did, that we went to a fancy one. she asked for the name and i said i didnt remember. we were actually supposed to go to one of my favorite places. it was simple and nothing fancy but i really liked their burritos lol. we didnt go tho, my mom (kindly may i add; i feel like i've portraying her as bad but i swear she's good) asked if she could just make salmon at home instead because it was easier. i said okay, because yeah i would have prefered to go out but i liked the fish she made. to my memory though she didnt end up making it. my mom actually got mad at us that year, so none of my siblings or i got any gifts. it was okay though. we still had fun though.

two years ago, a week ago my mom had to fly back to her old home because my grandpa (her dad) died. i cried in the front of the whole class for a bit when i was called to leave early. but basically my mom was leaving and was going to be back on my birthday. when she came back, we welcomed her and all. i was waiting for her to say happy birthday to me. i tried to tell her and get her to say happy birthday excitedly, but i dont think she did. she gave me a smile and nod and turned back to my dad. tbh it was valid. her dad died a week ago and she hadnt seen her family back at her home in a year and us in a week. i think i still cried a bit in the car ride form the airport though. we waited until saturday to do something for my birthday. but like, it wasnt all that bad though. she brought back gifts, and i got two, maybe three extras vs my siblings as a birthday gift. they were really nice. we celebrated my birthday two days after on a saturday, with cake and happy birthday.

but yeah. this al got really off topic. hopefully my mom listen to me about my sister or gets her some stuff on her own.

dunno if this counts as one of your weird anons, but yeah. praying i dont come off as selfish im just getting my thoughts out. your my new therapy inbox if thats okay. thanks.

-bad at feelings anon (help im writing this and listening to gracie adams and some ttpd there were some tears at some point)

It’s ok I can be your therapy inbox if you’d like

[moreaujeans]

hi leigh!! i hope you're well :) saw your post with asks and decided i would combine lots of them lol so first thing is tell me abt whatever's bothering you!! i hope nothing's bothering you obv but still.

also i am asking you for book recs. i haven't been reading a lot of proper books lately so any recs are welcome but i kind of feel like some fantasy would do me good. but like good ones? The last couple of years i've been picking up some popular fantasy standalones hoping they feel like a fantasy book you read when you're twelve and they end up being the most mid thing i've ever read. like help. i'm planning to read some robin hobb books so hopefully they're good.

also i've started listening to mitski (talk about being late lol) and i'm really liking her songs i was wondering if you have any particular recs? Or any music recs? what've you been listening to?

sorry this ask is all over the place lol i guess i'm chatty today. i hope you're having an amazing day!! <3<333

ORLA!!!! i hope you are doing well too <3 one thing that is bothering me is school is starting again bc i have gotten virtually no break </3 also that apparently the english class i’m taking doesn’t have any required books i was looking forward to reading actual books not whatever mini readings ig they’re going to be giving us instead ☹️ also also that i did Not in fact get my license like planned this summer bc during the singular week i was home a bunch of stuff suddenly came up and it became no longer my priority and now i will need to renew my permit Again bc it expires in early september and im not going to be able to make it home before that so. <3

as for book recs!! i have tragically had the same problem lately re fantasy books and honestly mostly just books in general BUT i don’t know if you’ve read any ve schwab ive really loved what books of hers ive read. vicious was my favorite, but the monsters of verity duology better fits the “feels like a fantasy book you read when you’re twelve” vibe!

for non-fantasy recs if youre feeling poetry i reallyy liked margaret atwood’s morning in the burned house. also just finished hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy which was v fun! got many laughs out of me, i did not however know before starting it that it’s a series so now idk how to proceed bc i only have the first book agdjfk

OH ALSO fantasy shoutout to strange the dreamer duology 🫶🏻🫶🏻 lovely writing style and world, fascinating antagonist, i was not a big fan of the romance but otherwise big rec on that. definitely not for everyone tho some ppl find the pacing too slow, i remember when i first read it i mentioned that in my review too that it took a bit for me to really get into although i personally wasn’t bored in the meantime like others, i was just chilling enjoying what it had to tell me abt everything

MITSKI RECS!! i love strawberry blond sorry for being basic. square too but specifically square solo piano version which they took off of spotify (idk what you’re listening to her on). because dreaming costs money my dear is also a veryyy hard-hitting one. fond of circle, a burning hill, goodbye my danish sweetheart, nobody, washing machine heart, and class of 2013 as well. that was a lot i will stop now 🫡 also must admit i am quite behind on mitski’s recent releases so i can’t speak for any of her newer albums/songs. except for working for the knife musically it doesn’t hit as much as other songs of hers for me but lyrically it makes me go crazy

as for random music recs my most recently liked songs are unsweetened lemonade by amélie farren, army dreamers by kate bush, numb little bug by em beihold, would that i by hozier, the milk carton by madilyn mei, and comme des enfants by cœur de pirate. i have not really been “listening” listening to anything lately! though that will change in a few days with wisdom saga >:)

— sleepover saturday sunday!

[thedawningofthehour]

I remember a Chinese youtuber who was a history buff described the art of war as something that was given to nobleman officials who knew nothing about war just so they would at least know the basics, it was their equivalent of 'war for dummies.'

They also recommended the romance of the three kingdoms, mentioning how one general sent a dress to another on the enemy's side as part of psychological warfare.

Oh yeah, a lot of it was super basic common sense shit like not marching when the sun's in your eye and feeding your goddamn soldiers, but you have to factor in the time and culture that produced it. Ancient China was better educated than most of Europe at the time, but the majority of people were still illiterate. These soldiers were mostly peasant farmers and the like who were given spears and very little training before they were marched off to die. The generals were mostly highborn sons of politicians or other generals, and while did have some amount of education they had very, very little real-world experience and were severely lacking in common sense. Sun Tzu's book was meant to teach them the basics so they didn't get peasants killed by being a moron or forget to feed them. Because that shit did happen.

But there's still some thought-provoking shit in there. It's really interesting reading up on old history lately, we tend to think of the people of the past as being super brutal and heartless, full Game of Thrones burning and pillaging with their countless wars and nobody gave a damn-but people have been weighing the cost of war and warning against it for thousands of years. The Mahabarata talks about the fallacy of a just war and sets rules on what can be done in war and what circumstances justify war at all-and stress that a war is only just if all means of settling the conflict peacefully have been exhausted. Even back then, they had rules about treating the wounded and prisoners of war, against targeting civilians or using disproportionate means. I think some of that stuff is worth a reminder, in this day and age where a lot of people view war as an inevitable act of justice, or means to an end.

I did a lot of reading on Chinese history and philosophy a little while ago, mostly to cement Tigerclaw's backstory but also because it was really, really interesting. There's just so much of it. Part of the thing is, China is just freaking enormous, and it really only began to take on its modern size a few centuries ago, for most of history what we think of 'China' was mostly eastern China. (which makes sense, that's where the river deltas and plains and the Sichuan basin is, that's where people could get fresh water and grow food most easily) The rest of China was very mountainous and more sparsely populated-but that also means their culture and way of life was quite different. China is very old, very huge, extremely varied and they kept great records. It's just so easy to go down rabbit holes that have no bottom to them. It's a lot and I kind of had to stop for my own sanity lol.

You guys see why I decided to make the Hidden City the last city of its kind, right? Inventing more of these would have literally killed me.

[moveslikeanape]

hey! i'm sorry you've been so busy lately, i hope things calm down for you soon. though i know the holiday season can be a busy time for a lot of people. also, i agree that it's really surprising to me that there's no little mermaid art book. several other films have gotten either brand new books or rereleases of their existing ones to coincide with live action remakes or anniversaries, for example i was finally able to buy the mulan book when they rereleased it because of the remake in 2020, and i have the snow white one that was released in 2012 for that film's 75th anniversary! but there's nothing for the movie that started the disney renaissance and basically saved the company back then.

i actually did recently buy the book "the little mermaid: the full film script", and it has some interesting production notes and concept art... however it's only 150 pages or so, and they're small pages. the actual dimensions of the book are much smaller than any other disney/pixar art book i own, so it's not as easy to see the details in the art and its 150 pages contain nowhere near the same level of information and artwork as the art of frozen's 160 pages do, if that makes sense. not to mention that the reason it's called "the full film script" is, of course, that the script of the movie is also printed throughout the book, taking up space on the pages. it only cost me $15, so i ended up considering it worth it for the price, but i really wish there was a full art of book for the little mermaid in the same vein as the others!!

do you own the tarzan chronicles book? and if so, i'd be curious to know what you think of it! i saw a review of it that made it sound fascinating to read, and mentioned that it had a section detailing the research trip the creators took to africa while working on the film. the art of mulan also had a section about that that i loved reading.

-🌟

Thank you so much! It's mostly just work being crazy and way to many projects at home on the go, lol.

You're lucky with the Mulan one! I bought the first edition maybe 6 or 7 months before they rereleased it. Oh well, it's so worth it!

I have the TLM Full Film Script too. What's in there is nice, but I completely agree with you it's no match for a proper art book. Hopefully someday Disney will give that movie the art book it deserves…

I do own it! I bought it back in 1999 (was actually bought with my first paycheck from my first job!) Haven't read through it in ages though, but there's so much brilliant stuff in there. The section on the research trip is wonderful, lots of great photos and sketches too. I've been hoping to find a cheap copy of the book that I can take apart and scan. It's such a big book, and too heavy and awkward to scan… plus I'm worried about damaging my current book. (Also, someday I need to get my hands on the LE signed version, but it's always way too expensive!)

Will definitely give you a heads up if I ever find a decently priced copy!

[rebeccakitty]

“He will Never touch you again”

Eddie Munson x Reader

Wanted to write an Eddie Fanfic for awhile. However, It’s been YEARS since I wrote anything. Be kind. I know it’s rough. I’ve been way out of practice. I don’t know what i’m doing, but I wanted to write something for Eddie since I am obsessed and in love with him. He’s basically the one thing that has made me happy through a difficult time in my life right now.

Also I will note TW for Physical Abuse. There’s no sex, as I wanted to write a protective Eddie scene first. I hope it’s good enough. I had fun writing it, though as I stated, I’m WAY out of practice. This is the first thing I’ve written in 10+ years. Just be kind. lol 

*********

You have been dating Eddie Munson for a couple of months now in secret. You knew your parents would disapprove of you hanging out with the town’s declared freak and from their view, outside looking in, they would view Eddie as a Satanic cult leader. Your family wasn’t overly strict or religious per se, but they did eat up any overblown propaganda they saw on the news. You had intended to avoid Eddie yourself at all costs, but One day when you had to sit next to him in English class and had a group Book project to do with him, that’s when you started actually getting to know the real Eddie.

He may have looked Scary and intimidating on the outside, but you quickly warmed up to him as he constantly made you laugh. You then started to sit next to him and his other nerd friends during lunch. You never heard of Dungeons and Dragons before, but you couldn’t help but loving every second of Eddie and his friends talk about their campaigns. It wasn’t soon after that that the two of you had started dating. You started going over to Eddie’s trailer under the guise of tutoring or Group projects as your excuse to anyone who may ask.

Needless to say, you were surprised when you walked home one day to find that your parents were both waiting for you in the living room and they didn’t look happy. “Hey, mom. Hey, Dad.....uh, Is something wrong?” You asked, nervously. You saw your mom nervously shift around in her seat. She wasn’t very confrontational. Your dad, However......

“We have heard very disturbing rumors going on about you hanging out with that Munson boy!” You father roared, standing up from his chair. “What? No! No! I only tutor him occasionally. It’s purely...” “DON’T YOU START!” Your dad shouted, cutting off your prepared lie. “We didn’t want to believe it either, but then we found this in your room!” He then pulled out a bag that you had stored under your bed. You knew it wasn’t the perfect hiding spot for it, but it was better than nothing. He threw the bag on the coffee table and opened it and inside were DnD books that Eddie had let you borrow. They were beginner guides to help you understand the game more. “Can you please explain to me why my daughter has these Satanic cult books?! Did he give him to you?! Are you joining his little cult?!” Your dad was furiously.

“They aren’t C-cult books, dad! It’s just a G-game!” You stuttered out, frozen in fear. Your dad often had really bad tempers and you knew back-talking him and trying to correct him would only make him more angry, but you had to try to defend Eddie. “No! You listen here! These books, This “Game” is Sinful and I will not have my daughter partake in it. I won’t have you be learning how to summon demons for the Devil” He said. You then tried to lunge for the bag and it’s contents off the table, but your dad was quicker and grabbed it out of your reach. “Didn’t you hear me?! I said NO!” He shouted. In one quick motion, he threw the bag and the books in the fireplace, a roaring fire already burning. “DAD, NO! Those were Eddie’s! He let me borrow them!” You cried, reaching out towards the fire.

In another surprising motion, your father struck you across the face. You fell from the force to the floor, landing on your backpack you still had strapped over your back. “Richard!” Your mother cried, finally speaking up during this whole shitshow. “Richard, you said you were just going to speak with her. Now you have gone too far!” She continued. “Too far?! I’m trying to save our daughter’s soul from this heathen. I will do whatever it takes” He said, turning to face your mother. “Y/n, Go upstairs to your room. I’m very sorry that everything has led to this. Go upstairs and I will talk to your father” Your mom said. You stood up, hand covering your reddened cheek. You quickly ran upstairs to your room and you shut the door behind you. You heard your parents resume talking to each other, your dad still very loud.

You rushed over to the window and pulled it open, frantically. There was no chance in Hell that you were going to standby and wait for your parents to return. You had never gone out the window before, but you were desperate to get to Eddie’s. He was your safe haven in this moment. You carefully put your legs through the window first, tried to steady yourself, and then jumped out. Your fall was a bit clumsy, but you didn’t injure yourself any further. Then you started running towards the Trailer park with only your boyfriend in mind.

------

You were panting heavily as you reached Eddie’s trailer. You knocked several times before Eddie’s uncle, Wayne, answered the door. You had only met him on some occasions due to the fact that he always worked late, but he always treated you kindly.  “I’m sorry, but Eddie’s still out right now, Miss Y/n” He said, noting some concern in his tone. In your haste, you failed to notice that Eddie’s van wasn’t in front. He was still at School. ‘It’s hellfire night tonight’ You remembered. The tears had rushed in before you had a chance to stifle them. Startled, Wayne helped you inside. “Is everything alright? What’s wrong, Miss” He said. You shook your head. “Can I just wait until Eddie comes home please?” You asked through your sobs. “Yes, that’s quite alright. I’m going to have to leave for work soon though, so help yourself with whatever you need while you wait.” He said, kindly. “T-thank you” You cried, trying to give him a small smile before you turned and walked down the hall to Eddie’s room.

You laid on Eddie’s bed and held his pillow close to your chest. It smelled just like him and it began to comfort you as you just cried into it. You were going through everything that had just happened. Trying to process all of it. Your dad was never physically violent with you. Ever. Sure, He got mad, a little hotheaded even. But it never....The memory of the slap just kept haunting you. You falling to the floor. Eddie’s books burning. You felt awful about everything. ‘How am I going to tell him when he gets home?’ You thought.

********

Meanwhile, Eddie was playing a Campaign of DnD with Dustin, Mike, Lucas, and the others. “11! That’s a....MISS!” Eddie jeered, smiling freakishly at Dustin’s failed attempted to fireball a monster. “GODDAMN IT!” Dustin shouted. Eddie laughed maniacally on his throne. The game continued on for another couple of hours, the campaign having to be continued another night as it was already getting quite late. Eddie got in his van along with the freshmen and he decided to drop them off home at each of their houses.

By the time he got home himself, It was almost 9:00. He knew his uncle would be gone by then, already at work. Eddie walked in his home and noticed a note on the table.

 “I don’t know what’s going on, but you need to check on your girl. She came over and seemed really upset by something. It seems like something must have startled or hurt her. She should be waiting for you in your room. -- W”.

Eddie scanned the note twice over, but as the information actually hit his brain, He rushed toward his bedroom. Sure, enough as he opened the door his girlfriend was there, tucked in his bed holding on tightly to his pillow. She fast asleep. He cursed himself that his campaign took so long. If he had known that you needed him urgently, for whatever the reason, he would have been here. Come Hell or High water. He didn’t want to have to wake you. You looked so peaceful right now, but he was worried about what had happened to have you come all the way here. Your relationship was a secret he knew and it didn’t make any sense for you to come here tonight. He gently sat down on the bed next to you. He looked you over. You didn’t seemed injured to him. He carefully reached out a hand and shook you awake. “Y/N. Y/N, Wake up, princess.” He said sweetly.

  *******

You shuttered awake and recoiled away from the sudden sensation of touch. You were frightened. “Whoa! hey, hey, now Princess. It’s only me. It’s Eddie. Your safe.” Eddie said, responding to your sudden movement as you awoke. You relaxed as you remembered where you were and as your eyes focused on Eddie sitting across from you. “Eddie!” You cried as you tackled him down hugging him. The tears began again, all messy and snotty. You backed off of Eddie. “Oh, I’m sorry. Your shirt” You said, as you tried patting the area where your tears and snot had made a wet patch in his Hellfire shirt. His most prized Possession. “Hey now, No. It’s just a shirt, babe. What’s wrong? What happened? What is that on your face?!” Eddie asked, now suddenly noticing the bruise that was forming on your cheek from where your father hit you. All the memories of your welcome home flooded back in. You didn’t know how to begin.

“I-i went home right after school and my parents....well, they know about us, kind of....” You started. Eddie just stayed there, patiently listening and waiting for you to continue whenever you took a pause. You saw the concern and worry in his eyes though. That’s what you loved about him. “My dad found your DnD books. The ones you let me borrow.” You said. Eddie’s eyes slightly widened at that shock. “Did he hurt you?! over a couple of books!” He exclaimed. You nodded your head and began crying. “He threw your books in the fire! I tried to save them but then he slapped me! Eddie, it was awful! I’ve never seen my dad so angry before!” You sobbed. Your breathing became uncontrollable. You were heaving as Eddie grabbed you and held you close to him. “Shh, it’s ok, Y/n. It’s ok” He said, quietly in your ear. “I’m sorry about your books” You cried out. “Forget the books! I don’t care about them. I only care about you. What else did he do?” He said, still holding you close. “Mom sent me to my room after that. I don’t know what happened. I left.” You said. “Wait, how?” Eddie asked, leaning away to look into your eyes. “I went through the window” You said, looking back at him. Eddie burst out laughing. “I’m sorry, Babe. Did you just say you jumped out the window? Oh my god.....Maybe I am becoming a bad influence on you” He laughed, a wide grin forming on his pretty face. “Shut up!” You said, playfully hitting him in the shoulder. “I had to leave. I couldn’t stay there. I wanted you.” You said, tearing up again.

Eddie stopped laughing and gently held your face. He wiped the tears forming in your eyes away. “It’s alright, princess. I’m right here” He said. You went back to hugging him close to you. He was warm and soft. He petted your head, his fingers brushing through your hair. “Everything’s going to be ok” Eddie promised. He kissed the top of your head. He made you feel completely safe as your eyes started to fell heavy once again with sleep. “I feel like kicking the shit out of your father. I’ll refrain, though if he ever touches you again....” He trailed off as he noticed that you had fallen asleep again right there on his chest. “He will never touch you again. I’ll make sure of that” He said to himself, holding on to you tightly.      

[bbybaku]

can you do more BNHA college boyfriend content? I really loved the Shigaraki one (sorry, english is not my first language)

anything for you anon

(also youre english is perfect and so are you)

def gonna make this 2 parts lolol

mha college bf head cannons

shinso

sfw 

probably majoring in something finance related 

wants to take care of you 

as in you two go shopping like every other weekend

has a ton of money from investing in crypto currency and getting lucky 

yall also go out to eat all the time 

and not like fast food like nice sit down places

you two spoon constantly 

like sleeping face to face limbs intertwined

he loves to sit with his head between your legs while watching tv

or when you two are laying down and you hold his head into your chest and hee holds your hips

you both have apartments but he likes yours because its better deccorated than his

has an amazing taste in music 

makes you playlists all the time 

uses old spice deodorant

mr hitoshi is a man who always smells good 

has amazing hygene 

you talked him into growing his hair out

now hes always asking you to play with it  

is very good at school without even trying

which drives you crazy because he always talks you out of studying 

scares off a lot of people with his scary features

which makes his insecure and needed a lot of reassureance at the start of your relationship. 

but these days he owns your ass 

nsfw 

tpyically a soft dom

is huge 

took you a while to get used to how big he is 

likes to put you in stressful situations just so he can reassure you

“shhhh hey its okay im here” 

“this will stop if you use the safe word, hmm oh whats that you want to keep going?” 

“good girl” 

stressfull situations as in he over stimulates you every god dam time. 

nothing makes him harder than you crying from pleasure 

he spoils you

once spent $200 on toys just for you because he was going out of town for a week 

his gifts for you do come with a cost

shinso goes ferral for blowjobs

and he wants them all the time 

you have def given head in an alarming amount of public restrooms 

very into roleplay

almost jizzed his pants when you put on cat ears once 

same thing when you bought a maid outfit 

in case you were wondering, yes his pubes are purple too. 

sex playlist 

homeboy loves period sex

is very into aftercare

like reads womens magazines about it 

has a sexy voice and knows it

has a mirror in front of his bed because its all about eye contact 

definition of intamacy with this man 

knows how to treat his partner 

aizawa 

the thing about aizawa is he isnt your boyfriend he is your husband 

probaby in grad school for like english 

so a lil older 

but thats okay 

he makes up for it in being hot 

and he has cats 

with very obscure names like katsu and mochi 

since he was older he invited you to live with him 

you said yes of course 

the cats liked you right away 

apartment full of books and windows 

shouta drank wine almost every night 

would grade papers for the class he assisted in 

loved holding hands everywhere 

not the biggester spooner 

but would hold you really close on the couch while you two watched films while wine drunk 

he was an introvert so you two spent most nights in 

and when you two did go out it was always something interesting 

like trivia night, or seeing a band play, or going to a dinner party

was the kind of boyfriend who was really good at co existing with you 

like what is awkward silence 

the vibe is just so positive 

and you two are so comfortable with each other

nsfw 

mr aizawa is a kinky mf behind the scenes

he does not have sex he fucks

very good with ropes 

loved controlling you 

could fuck all day 

like man had stamina 

when you two went out to dinner he would push your underwear to the side finger you under the table 

and whisper other times hes humiliated you while you squirmed under his grip  

gotta call him daddy

or sir

or master

he is the type to tie you up with your arms behind your back and put a vibrator on your clit then just disappear for an hour

also big on choking

like real big on choking

he’ll just rest his hand on your throat while you two are doing mundane thing

also asserts dominance constantly

like holding your hips at the grocery store

kissing you in a crowded place

extremely possessive

probably has a few paddles

likes to spank

really likes to brat tame

you say “make me” and you are in for a wild night

man will wear rings when he fucks you

fingers you

and chokes you

you usually come first

unless you’ve been bad

then aizawa will edge you for hours

bakugou

sfw

the definition of “i hate everyone but you”

like once you figured out how to communicate with him

best bf ever

history major

lives in a house with like 6 of his friends

but don’t worry he has his own room

always at the gym

since he’s very muscular he rarely wears a shirt when you two hang out

and he always wants you to lay on top of him

like imagine him being the ceo of picking you up and throwing you on the bed

then jumping on you

kisses. bakugo would want to make out a lot

very temperamental

like if he’s hungry or sleepy or too hot he will snap at you

but you know by now not to take it personally

also would have a ton of funny nicknames for you

examples : headass, stinky, the first letter of your name or ugly

but he would say it in a loving way

❤️ hey ugly❤️

you loved his friends

didn’t know how he scored them with how mean he was

you two spent a ton of time just lounging in his bed

liked to play fight

and bicker

really liked deep convos too like he would push you to think harder and tell him more about yourself

he didn’t say it a lot but he really liked you

nsfw

katsuki bakugou is an ass man.

big dick energy

he’s the type who wanted you to ride him all the time

but he would be in control when you rode him like death grip on your hips

he also liked to hit if from the back

likes to slam into you

the way you jiggled made him harder

not the type to hold in his grunts and moans made a lot of noise during sex

his roomates hated you guys for how loud you were

def likes his girls a lil chubby

grabbed your ass every chance he had

found porn stars that look like yours make jerking off more fun

loves fingering you.

also big degrader

you two had a lot of angry sex and a lot of make up sex

got real cranky when he was horny and couldn’t have you

took videos of you during sex to rewatch later

you got so turned on when he snapped at you

it drove him nuts

basically you two fucked a lot lol

masterlist

[yesimwriting]

Would you write a Kaz Brekker request where the reader is a bookworm and a crow and basically Kaz asks the reader to read to him as his way of apologizing after a argument that was his fault?

 it ​​a/n i did something kinda similar in a 'promise of rain' blurb,, but this concept is so cute to me:)) love it sm i moved it up my request cue lol

also IM IN COLLEGE NOW!! WHAT?? AND IVE BEEN TO A PARTY! AND IM JOINING A SORORITY AND I DID DRAMA AUDITIONS AND AHH !! SO DIFFERENT! I MISS MY MOM AND SISTER AND DOG AND EVEN MY DAD BUT IM HAPPY HERE!! 

also im a little worried this might not portray kaz superrrrr accurately bc it's been awhile so just let me know,, feedback leads to improvement:)) also kinda set this up for a part 2 bc...well youll see 

--

They've always said a lot of things about him, and I've always heard them. But I've never quite believed them. Sure, I get why the dark things that have flourished in the poisoned soil that is Ketterdam consider Kaz Brekker the darkest thing of all. I understand the nickname 'Dirtyhands' for the gloved criminal who has fooled each crime boss at least once. I understand each terrible thing they've said about him.

But I've never agreed with them. I've never even considered agreeing with them. Until today.

The thought that maybe everything people say about him is correct in a simple context struck me worse than the silence after our argument. It made me feel like both a fool and hypocrite. Kaz and I have had our fair share of spats over the relatively short time we've known each other, but never like this. Never so badly he stormed out of the room before I could. I squeeze the book in my lap even harder, desperate to focus on the words on the pages.

You didn't hurt him. He walked away because he decided you weren't worth the cost of his expensive time. I repeat those thoughts in my mind over and over again, letting them bitter me further. It's a lot easier to be mad than hurt. A lot easier to fuel your pain than try to understand your mistakes. Besides, tiredness is already dredging around in my chest and if I don't calm down a little I won't be able to fall asleep.

I had escalated the fight more than I should have. Knowing Kaz is like performing in a tightrope act. One must always be aware of where they're going. Watching what's in front of them without ever thinking too much about what's beneath or behind them. Today though, when I needed my balance most I chose to fall. I chose to dive, and apparently there was no net.

"Oh, you're doing that thing."

I roll my eyes at Jesper's voice as I fight down a yawn. I wipe my face with the back of my palm before turning. The burning behind my eyes never resulted in full tears, but I feel better after doing so. "What thing?"

"That terribly noble thing where you find it in yourself to take full blame for every single conflict you and boss man fall into." The slight humor in his voice is enough for me to roll my eyes again. "Between you and me, I'm sure the reason he's so angry now is because you didn't do that for once."

I press my lips together as my chin angles itself upwards slightly. "I never do that." He raises an eyebrow. The slight sympathy that colors the look is more offensive than his accusation. "If I pick and choose my battles, it's for good reason."

"Clearly."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugs once before further entering my room. I say nothing when he sits at the foot of my bed. "Oh, you know," Jesper stretches back casually, resting his back against the wall and extending his legs, "You and Kaz--Kaz and you."

Has he been drinking? Perhaps he's not here because of my unusual absence from downstairs after my fight with Kaz but because he's already too tipsy to think right. "What?"

At my confused look he grins, flashing all of his teeth with an arrogance that outshines the whiteness of them. He taps the still open book in my lap. "Let me put it in terms you'll understand." Jesper sits up a little further, amusement clear in his features. "You two make a shameful Elizabeth and Darcy--"

"Oh, shut up," I groan, glaring at him, "This isn't Pride and Prejudice. And Kaz and I," Jesper's smugness returns when I can't quite think of what I want to say, "We're barely friends--we're barely anything, let alone what you're implying."

Jesper pulls his legs up and shoves me gently. "Dearest, y/n," he ignores my glare, "You should know better than anyone that 'barely friends, barely anything' with Kaz is more than it is with anyone else?"

"That doesn't mea--"

"You two say goodnight to each other." Once. Kaz and I said good night to each other in front of Jesper once. How dare he assume it happens regularly? He's right, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with it. "You play cards with him. Not for money, not for skill--"

"It's for practice." The look Jesper gives me is enough to tell me that my defense didn't land.

Damn him for ever finding Kaz and I on one of those strange nights. One of those nights in which he lurks at the stairwell...the one that divides my room and his attic. One of those nights in which it feels like he's a phantom and I'm the only one that can really see him. A night in which we both silently find each other.

I couldn't quite believe it the first time it happened. I'm not exactly a Crow--I don't feel enough a connection to the Dregs to join them without some kind of guarantee--but I was needed for some obscure job. but I was needed for some obscure job. The Crows needed an insider who could blend into high society, and I needed a place to stay away from my father.

It worked. I worked. And with each passing day I found myself enjoying the Crows more and more. That's why I stayed. That's why I started checking the stairwell practically every night, a set of playing cards in my hand.

The first time had been awkward. I couldn't sleep and my room felt too quiet, but the rambunctious club felt too loud and a little unsafe considering the hour. So I settled for the only space in between. When Kaz found me sitting on the steps and playing a solitary card game I had been so stunned by embarrassment I just offered to deal him in. I had been more shocked when he silently accepted my offer.

"Practice?" Jesper repeats. "You were laughing, I heard you."

"That was one time--how do you know we didn't just happen to play cards together the one time you saw it?"

"Because you laughed about a play you considered 'predictable'."

Sighing, I sit up a little straighter. "I'm not having this conversation. Occasionally saying 'goodnight' to someone who lives in the same space I live in and sometimes playing cards with said person because we both happen to be up at a certain time doesn't mean anything."

"And the way he looked at the contact that was flirting with you?"

Oh...this conversation again. "For the last time, the contact wasn't flirting with me. We had to dance to blend in and when he leaned towards me to whisper in my ear...it was to tell me the intel Kaz just had to have."

"And when he tucked that strand of hair behind your ear?"

"He just wanted to sell our cove--"

"Y/n, he kissed your cheek and I'm fairly certain he would have kissed you if Kaz and I hadn't made it to the corridor at that second."

Why is everyone so obsessed with what would have never happened? The contact had been attractive, tall with fair eyes and hair. But it's not like I feel anything for him, nor would I have been so foolish during a job. A fact that Kaz refuses to believe. I'm tired of this argument...I'm just tired. This job required me to start getting ready early in the morning and lasted long into the night.

"I wouldn't have kissed him and even if I had, the fact that Kaz is so mad about feels...sexist." A stupid argument, considering that Kaz couldn't care less if the person he's working with is female, male, or anything in between because the only thing he cares about is profit. "It's a stupid thing to be mad about, but you hit on anything with a pulse at any time and--"

"I resent that--"

"For the first two weeks I was here I thought you might've been a prostitute."

I can feel him holding in a laugh. "Did you at least think I was a good prostitute?" When I glare again, he finally actually laughs. "Not the point--got it."

"Then what is the point? You're bored and obsessed with gossip so now you're shaking me for information you don't need."

"The point is you're oblivious." Rude...I move my leg in a weak attempt to push him off my bed. Jesper catches my ankle easily, ignoring my attempt at a fight. "You thought the contact was only doing his job and you don't know the real reason that Kaz blew up at you for the first time the way he blows up at everyone."

"Okay, well since you know everything, tell me why he's mad."

He lets out a sigh like he can't believe I even needed to ask that. "It's not the best look that the first time you let him pick a fight with you happens to be about some guy."

...Maybe he is drunk? "Don't be so cryptic. I don't like you enough to put up with that."

Jesper half-sighs again before pushing himself off my bed. "I'm going to pretend I think you're smart enough to piece things together from that."

"Asshole," I mumble instinctually as he walks towards my door. "Are you not telling me because I tried to push you off the bed?"

He turns when he reaches my door in order to lean against my door frame. "It's not not because of that." I should throw my book at his head. "In all seriousness, think about it. If you don't you'll either kill each other or kill me."

Ugh...he's so confusing. This time, I let him go. He leaves he door open, which is beyond annoying. I stand up to close it, promising myself I will focus on my book the second it's in my hands again. As I walk back towards my bed, my eyes land on the deck of cards on my nightstand.

Does it send a signal I don't want to send if I don't go the stairwell tonight? Do I want to send a signal? I don't know...actually, the only thing I know is that I don't want to think about this a second longer. I don't ease as I read, but my eyelids become heavier with each word they cross. I feel the weight of them as my focus slips, farther and farther away until I can no longer focus. When my eyes fall shut I can't bring myself to think or force them open.

--

I notice my surprised before I register that I've just woken up. Falling asleep feels so far and yet the crick in my neck confirms the obvious. Rubbing the eyes with the back of my hand, I push my book from my lap and sit up. The only indication of how much time has passed is how much my bedside candle has melted.

How long have I been asleep? How did I manage to fall asleep? I thought I was too mad at Kaz to manage anything but pouting in my room. I hadn't even decided if I wanted to talk to him.

I stand even though I haven't decided anything. I should at least change if I want to go to bed. But is leaving this alone for even longer a bad idea? I think Jesper thought so...though my conversation with him is far from clear. It's not the best look that the first time you let him pick a fight with you happens to be about some guy. I'm going to pretend I think you're smart enough to piece things together from that. What does he want me to do with that?

Maybe he was partially intoxicated and felt the need to play the role of a good friend. Or maybe this is his idea of a joke.

Whatever--regardless of Jesper, I have a choice to make. A tiny part of me hopes it's insignificant, but I know Kaz enough to know that nothing is insignificant to him. He holds onto things the way he holds onto his kruge. Perhaps I'll seek out Inej, she seems to be the best at rationalizing. Though she might be asleep by now, or on a job or...I don't even know.

How late is it? Is it late enough to be one of the few hours Kaz claims to reserve for sleep? Maybe my bad luck is still around and he's already in bed for once. Does that mean his anger will extend to tomorrow?

I shouldn't care. It's not like I'm in the wrong. Did I escalate things? Maybe a little...but I won't apologize for defending myself. Even though that makes everything a little easier. I feel stuck, like in some kind of place of half sleep. A single knock at my door is enough to make me want to jump. I rub my eyes a little more firmly in hopes of waking up more before someone sees me.

I approach the door without worry. Maybe it's not as late as I assumed. Or maybe it's really early? I open the door while still fighting against my slight disorientation. I'm so focused on acting normal, I almost don’t register the person standing at my door. 

I don’t know who I expected, or what--maybe Jesper, much more tipsy than he was before, slumped against the doorframe, only knocking because he’s too tired to push the door open. Maybe even Inej, on her way here to deliver some kind of job or notice of dismissal. But it’s nothing I could expect. It’s...Kaz. 

The Dirtyhands stands at my door, expression as hard as ever yet something behind his eyes that burns the sleep away from me. “Uh--hi.” I bite my tongue to avoid cringing at that very awkward beginning. “Are you here to kick me out yourself?” The only response I get is the slightest shift of his gaze off of my face. “No? Well then I think I’m going to bed. It’s late.” 

My tone and words are clear. Get out of my doorway, I’m in no mood to go back to arguing.  When he still doesn’t say anything, I’m emboldened by my nerves. I push the door between us without breaking eye contact. 

Before the wood can meet the doorframe, he moves his cane, wedging it between us. “Y/n.” I don’t understand the way he says my name, but I’m certain he’s never said it like that. “I...” When he’s not prompted by the uncomfortableness of silence, I raise an eyebrow, my grip on the door tightening. “What I said shouldn’t have been said.” Wait--is he admitting fault? I’m so thrown I almost melt entirely. “Not to you.” 

The addition leaves him so lowly a part of me wonders if I’ve imagined it. I’m so thrown by it I don’t even think to reply until a long second has passed. “You seemed to believe the opposite a few hours ago.” 

His lips press together for a moment. “You didn’t ask me to play cards tonight.” He took that as intentional? At least that got me some kind of apology? I keep my mouth shut, greed making me want more information. I guess he must sense my silent tugging because he head inclines slightly. “Don’t push.” 

I fight down a grin. “Push what?” His only response to stiffen further. “I’m going to tell you something as a peace offering.” That seems to intrigue him in some way. I can’t tell if it’s a good kind of interested, but I note the slight raise of his eyebrows and his intentional silence. “I didn’t chose not to ask you to play cards.” He gives me no indication of anything, which is fair...considering my vagueness. “I was mad, obviously, and in the middle of deciding on a course of action...and then I fell asleep.” 

A long pause of silence. “You fell asleep?” 

I’m not sure if his incredulous tone should offend me or not. If I wanted to lie, I’d like to think he knows me well enough to know that I’d have thought of a better excuse than that. Or at least a less embarrassing one. “Yes, it’s not that difficult to believe. Today had been long and all I wanted to do was read, but then Jesper came in to say the oddest things and then leave me to...” 

Oh--oh. I guess there’s a reason people say to ‘sleep on’ something. Because now, actively remembering Jesper’s words for the first time since I fell asleep...I understand what Jesper was implying in the oddest way possible. He meant that Kaz and I...that perhaps there is a Kaz and I in a context that’s more than just grammatical. Wow. I really had to realize this with Kaz right in front of me. 

My face feels warmer than it did before, an irrational bout of anxiety forcing me to consider that me might be able to read impossible, embarrassing thoughts from my expression alone. 

“What did Jesper say?” I’m too lost in my own spiral of confusion and panic and some feeling I can’t recognize to register how Kaz asks his question. There’s an edge to it, an odd one, but that could easily just be Kaz. 

This is most definitely the last conversation we need to be having. I’m still mad at him for his earlier dramatics. So I just shake my head, feigning an exhaustion I could lose myself in. “Nothing and everything all at once.” I resist the urge to rub my eyes again. “I’m pretty sure he was drinking, and I wasn’t really listening. I was just trying to read.” 

Kaz’s expression hardens briefly as he takes in my words, and then he exhales, nodding once with the breath. “What were you reading?” 

My lips part instinctually, ready to spew off details about the latest novel that’s captured my attention. But before I can let myself take off, the reality of the situation strikes me directly in the chest. This is not Nina, or Inej, or even Jesper after what he considers a ‘good night’. This is Kaz Brekker, the man believed to not have a soul. I’ve spoken to him before about casual things, though most of the nights in which we end up playing cards or just sitting near each other are spent in silence. But he’s never prompted me before. Not in the one topic he knows is guaranteed to turn me into an overenthusiastic, gushing fountain of poor summaries and character analysis. 

I guess this is his peace offering. This shouldn’t warm the way it does. He was still unbelievably dramatic and treated me like I’m some kind of unreliable fool. “It’s late, and you know how I can be. I’d hate to keep you for nothing more than a poor summary and honestly, an embarrassing rant about plot or characters, because there’s just nothing as frustrating as when two people so clearly care about each other and both are too stubborn and oblivious to acknowledge it.” 

Kaz’s eyebrows draw together just enough for me to be able to make out a shift of expression in the poor light. Perhaps his lingering irritation is preparing to rear its ugly head. The corner of his mouth seems to threaten to tilt upwards as Kaz angles his head to the side slightly. “I can’t imagine that position.” 

No kidding. I bite my tongue to keep the sarcastic comment and awkward laugh that would sure follow it away. “Who can? That’s like half the point of reading.” 

How can interaction feel so over and just at its beginning all at once? I press my lips together to avoid filling the silence with things I’d no doubt instantly regret. It’s easy to be mad at Kaz in the moment. Too easy. But to stay mad at him when his temper has passed and he returns with some kind of begrudging and admittedly awkward and uncertain truce is another task entirely. 

“I’ve never understood your attachment to written words.” 

“It’s not about understanding, it’s about everything else.” 

“And you say I’m cryptic.” Is he...kinda almost joking? I straighten my spine, too tired to fight and too wounded to forgive. “There’s understanding in everything, nothing can survive on sentiment alone.” 

“If you read the way I did, you’d understand.” 

His lips press together as his expression remains unwavering in its hardness. “Read to me.” 

...Interacting with Kaz in any way often leaves me feeling like I’m wandering through unknown territory. But this, this is undeniably different. So different I can’t even think of a way to react. I watch his expression as cautiously as possible. He’s purely reserved, no distinction from the look he wears during business propositions. Except there’s a tightness I can’t quite understand.

Maybe it’s because I don’t want to fight anymore. Maybe it’s because exhaustion is leaving me partially delirious. Or maybe it’s the weird feeling in my chest that I can’t quite place. That I don’t want to place. “Okay.” I shift carefully. “If for no other reason then to prove you wrong.” 

Never did I think I’d end up in the position of sitting in my bed, book in hand, with Kaz Brekker sitting next to me. But here we are. I’m so tired, I almost let out a nervous laugh when he first walked in. So brooding and tall, gripping the head of his head cane as he sits at the foot of my bed, on my pastel quilt. 

I’m glad for the excuse to keep my gaze away from him and on the words in front of me. I read out loud, feeling more and more comfortable with each page I finish. But as my inhibitions slip away, so dos my hold on consciousness. My eyelids seem to grow heavier with each word that I read. 

“You’re falling asleep.” 

I straighten my spine on instinct. “Am not.” I’m not sure why I feel the need to deny something so simple. 

“You’re impossible.” 

From him, that statement is laugh worthy. “I’m impossible? Do you not remember earlier today?” 

From the way his jaw locks, I realize that he’s in no mood to be light about this topic. I don’t understand why. It’s not like I’m the one that wronged him. “I remember your lack of focus.” 

Keeping my hands at my side to avoid rubbing my eyes, I frown. “If you want to have this argument again, fine. Jesper is more ‘distracted’ than me half the time and you’re much more lenient on him. It’s not like I was flirting with someone or gambling or doing anything but having a two second conversation. One that I needed to have to get information that you wanted.” 

The last time we fought, I had more energy to restrain myself. This could be atomic. I hold my breath, waiting for Kaz’s retaliation. He exhales, eyes not meeting mine. “Arguing with you when you’re present is exhausting enough. It’s not worth it when you’re half asleep.” 

This angers me further. I hate that he’s right. “I’m not half asleep.” He leaves it at that. I glare even harder at him, slumping further into my bed. “But for the sake of argument, I’ll drop it. Something you’re incapable of doing.” 

At that, his eyes meet mine. I try to hold his gaze, but the harder I think about not seeming tired the more exhaustion slips in. A yawn escapes me before he looks away. Great. “I know when to lie in the grass in wait.” 

Rolling my eyes, I shift back slightly. He’s incapable of being less dramatic than this. Still, I can’t imagine the effort it’s taking on his part to not start an argument. Maybe this is why Jesper spent so long implying that there may be a Kaz and I in any capacity beyond a vague kind of friendship. “I’ll admit you’re tactful.”

“Resourceful people recognize that trait in other people.” 

Blinking twice, I lower my book slightly. Am I truly exhausted, or did he just compliment me in a way? “Careful, I may start to think you find me tolerable.” 

“Let’s not exaggerate.” Okay, now I know I’m exhausted because I think he might have just attempted a joke. Rolling my eyes, I decide not to acknowledge this lightness in fear that I’ll scare it away. “Y/n?” 

I press my lips together, worried about the destruction of our peace. “Yes?” 

“What did Jesper say to you? Earlier?” I pause, slightly unsure why we’re moving backwards. 

We’re in a decent place now, and I’d hate to ruin it. I’m too half asleep to lie eloquently. And it’s not like he’s an easily convinced man. “Oh, he said it so cryptically it took me longer than it should have to understand. And it didn’t help that it was something so...well, you might find it funny. As funny as you find anything, anyways.” Wow...I’ve spent such a long time talking. Rubbing the back of my eyes, I avoid his gaze. Exhaustion and awkwardness mix in my stomach oddly. “It seemed like he was trying to imply that you and I...me and you...” Why is this a difficult thing to say? It’s not like I was implying it and Jesper’s known for his oddness. “I think Jesper was implying that there was a you and I, or at least that there could be.” I’m too lost in a haze of almost sleep to watch his reaction. I let my head rest against my headboard even further. “Isn’t that odd?” 

He’s quiet for a long second, and then he finally speaks again. “Odd, even for Jesper.” The response doesn’t satiate me...what’s that about? I exhale, deciding that feeling is tomorrow’s problem. When I blink, I decide to let my eyes stay closed. Just for a moment. The sound of something shifting is what makes my eyes squint open. Kaz is standing, his expression unreadable as he straightens. “Goodnight, y/n.” 

At that, I sit up slightly, ignoring the exhaustion behind my eyes. “I haven’t finished the chapter.” 

“You’ve convinced me of enough.” A concession? How exhausted do I seem? My lips press together as I think of my next argument. Before I can get it out, Kaz leans forward. He grabs the quilt at the end of my bed and tosses it onto my legs casually. “Goodnight, y/n.” The meaning of his repetition is clear. His word is final. 

I find enough energy to manage a glare, but I pull the quilt over my legs anyways. “Goodnight, Kaz.”