#and I definitely think there is something to be said about finding books that center poc voices

[awritersrejections]

particular thanks to @lyricwritesprose for the analysis

[thedensworld]

I Can Fight | J.Ww

Pairing: Wonwoo x reader

Genre: fluff

Summary: Since you married Jeon Wonwoo, you always considered to not wear revealing clothes. Honestly, Wonwoo doesn't care.

Maestro is definitely Wonwoo's era. My love from him escalates from hundred to limited🤍 god, i need him in my life. However, enjoy this fluffy fluffy wonuuuu🥰

It hasn't even been a year since you tied the knot with Jeon Wonwoo, the heir to a vast conglomerate. He possesses everything one could desire: a top-tier education, a lucrative career, and a prominent place in society. Yet, despite his wealth and status, he insists that you are the center of his universe. You, a mere lecturer at a university owned by his father, never imagined you'd capture the heart of someone like Wonwoo.

Your paths crossed at an event where you represented the university as its youngest dean. Wonwoo's attention was drawn to you instantly, captivated by the calm grace you exuded. The following morning, you were taken aback to find him at the university, seeking you out.

"I have something to discuss with you," he said, his eyes filled with a mixture of determination and something else, something softer.

As he proposed an internship program to benefit the students, the conversation effortlessly shifted from professional to personal. It became evident that his true motive was to get closer to you, to unravel the layers of your being.

You couldn't deny the flutter of excitement in your heart as Wonwoo confessed his ulterior motive. How could you resist someone who pursued you with such sincerity and charm?

Wonwoo's pride in you knew no bounds. He loved to showcase you to his friends and colleagues, boasting about your intelligence and beauty at every opportunity. Being by his side at elite events was both an honor and a responsibility, one that required the perfect attire to match his prestigious status.

As you surveyed the two gowns laid out before you in the bedroom, the weight of the upcoming event pressed upon you. Your current formal attire had already made its rounds, and you couldn't bear the thought of causing Wonwoo any embarrassment by appearing in the same outfit again.

With a heavy sigh, you reached for your phone, dialing Seungkwan's number without hesitation. He was your trusted friend, the one whose fashion sense you relied on for such occasions. But as you questioned his choices, your finger instinctively pointed towards the more daring of the two gowns—a black off-shoulder number with a thigh-high slit.

"What were you thinking with these options?" you inquired, your voice laced with a mix of frustration and concern. The other gown, a deep red wine hue, was equally alluring, with its backless design and knee-high slit, presenting a different kind of challenge.

"I thought that's what rich people wear to events like that! It's straight out of the pages of those fancy books!" Seungkwan's voice came through the phone, his defense ringing with a hint of sheepishness.

You took a moment to collect yourself, inhaling deeply before responding. "Do you honestly think I usually wear something like these?" You couldn't help but chuckle, the absurdity of the situation washing over you.

Seungkwan's laughter echoed through the phone. "Of course not. Last time you wore something revealing was when you danced to '10 Minute' at Jeonghan's birthday party in college."

A wistful smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you recalled the carefree days of youth. "And I was so drunk that I slit my skirt and cut my sleeves," you added, shaking your head at the memory.

Seungkwan's tone turned more serious. "Just wear it. You won't embarrass your husband by wearing it. Trust me."

You nervously bit your lip, the weight of Seungkwan's words sinking in. "He's a respected person, Seungkwan. And I'm an academic. Last time I wore something tight, someone actually talked about him."

"No way! What did they say?" Seungkwan's curiosity piqued through the phone.

You let out a weary sigh, memories of the unpleasant encounter resurfacing. "Just that I looked too hot for a professor, and my look didn't match Wonwoo. It was awful, really. I wish I could have stood up to them at the time."

Seungkwan's voice came through with conviction, urging you not to let others dictate your choices. "Darling! Don't let them stop you. What if you are actually too hot? It's their fault they couldn't handle your fire! Stand up to them if someone talks to you like that."

A soft laugh escaped your lips at Seungkwan's fierce encouragement. "You know I can't fight," you admitted, resigned to your non-confrontational nature.

Before you could dwell further on the conversation, the sound of the bedroom door being pushed open interrupted your thoughts. Your heart skipped a beat as you turned to see your husband standing there, his presence filling the room with warmth and reassurance.

"Wonwoo just got back from work, I'll let you know my choice. Thanks for getting me these dresses, though," you informed Seungkwan.

Seungkwan hummed in acknowledgment. "Say hi to Wonwoo. I believe he'll choose the black one."

You couldn't help but chuckle at his teasing remark. "Shut up," you retorted playfully before ending the call.

As Wonwoo entered the room, his presence instantly filled the space with comfort and affection. His tie was discarded, and he loosened his blazer before casting a glance at the dresses laid out on the bed.

"Seungkwan got me these for tonight," you explained, gesturing towards the gowns. Wonwoo nodded in understanding as he wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder.

"He has great taste," he murmured softly, his warm breath sending shivers down your spine.

A tender smile graced your lips as he pulled you closer, his embrace providing solace and reassurance. "You'll look good in everything," he added, his words washing over you like a comforting embrace.

You gently touched his arms, leaning into his embrace. "But don't you think they'll be too revealing? I could just wear the one I've already used."

Wonwoo shook his head, a gentle smile playing on his lips. "If you want to wear these, then wear them. I think you'll look absolutely gorgeous, whether in revealing clothes or not."

A surge of warmth flooded your chest at his words, his unwavering support comforting you. "However, I would love to see you in them," he added, his eyes sparkling with anticipation.

You raised your eyebrows in surprise, turning your head to meet his gaze. "Really?"

Wonwoo nodded, his expression earnest. "Let's show them that you're hot, just like what Seungkwan said."

Your astonishment grew as you realized he had overheard your conversation with Seungkwan. "From which part did you hear us?" you asked curiously.

"From the start. I actually wanted to surprise you, but you were talking to him," Wonwoo confessed with a sheepish smile.

A moment of silence passed between you before he spoke again. "Actually, I want to thank him for getting you these dresses. I can't wait to see you wear it," he added, his excitement evident in his voice.

He gently withdrew his arms from your waist, turning your body to face him. His hands tenderly moved from your hair to your face, cupping your cheeks and stroking them softly. "I'd love to see you in the black one tonight," he murmured, his voice filled with affection as he pressed a soft kiss to your lips.

A warmth spread through you at his touch and words, reassurance flooding your senses. "Your friend knows me so well," he remarked, planting another kiss on your forehead before trailing down to your shoulder.

His gestures of love and appreciation enveloped you, melting away any lingering doubts or insecurities.

***

You approached Wonwoo where he sat on the couch in the living room, a hint of uncertainty in your gaze. "Isn't it too revealing?" you asked, your voice tinged with self-doubt.

His breath caught in his throat as he took in your breathtaking appearance. The black dress hugged your curves in all the right places, accentuating your beauty in a way that left him speechless. The subtle yet alluring makeup only enhanced your features, drawing his eyes irresistibly to you. And the scent of your perfume, a familiar fragrance that never failed to captivate him, enveloped him in a heady mix of calm and desire.

As your hand moved to cover the revealed thigh, a part of you that he found utterly captivating, Wonwoo couldn't tear his gaze away from you. His heart raced with a jealous fervor, envying his own eyes for having the privilege of beholding your radiance.

"Is it not working?" you questioned, disappointment evident in your tone as he remained silent.

Unable to contain himself any longer, Wonwoo reached out to gently grasp your hand, pulling it away from your thigh. "No, it's not that," he finally managed to say, his voice filled with reverence and admiration. "You look absolutely stunning, beyond words."

Wonwoo sensed your apprehension and immediately shook his head, stepping forward to take your hand and press a tender kiss to it. "I can't believe I'm married to you. You look amazing, love," he murmured, lifting your hand and encouraging you to spin to showcase your dress.

As you twirled, a hint of uncertainty lingered in your mind, but Wonwoo's gasp of awe and promise to buy you countless dresses like the one you wore washed away your worries.

"You can wear anything you want, love. I can fight.," he declared, his words echoing your own inner resolve.

A smile graced your lips as you leaned in to peck his cheek, feeling reassured by his unwavering support. "I'll fight them with my whole life. But kiss me again, here and now," he requested, tapping his lips playfully.

You obliged, landing another gentle kiss, but before you could pull away, Wonwoo's grip on your head tightened, deepening the kiss into a passionate embrace. Lost in the moment, your hands instinctively found their way to his neck, reveling in the intimacy of the kiss that ignited a fiery passion between you.

"Should we skip the event?" he suggested with a mischievous smirk, tempting you with the idea of spending the evening wrapped up in each other's arms.

You playfully slapped his chest, chuckling at his suggestion. "Let's wipe your lips and let me fix my makeup. Seungcheol is going to kill you if we skip his birthday party," you reminded him, handing him a wet wipe.

Wonwoo chuckled as he wiped his mouth clean of your lipstick. "He loves me, he won't kill me," he mumbled before turning his gaze back to you. "So, what do you think?" he asked, anticipation dancing in his eyes as he awaited your response.

[sugarushwriting]

“don’t blame me, love made me crazy.”

“looks like an angel while sleeping.”

just a little jay drabble/oneshot. different than my usual writing.

not proof read.

trigger warnings:

obsession: the state of being obsessed with someone or something.

stalking: stalkers use a variety of tactics, including (but not limited to): unwanted contact including phone calls, texts, and contact via social media, unwanted gifts, showing up/approaching an individual or their family/friends, monitoring, surveillance, property damage, and threats.

voyeurism: voyeuristic behavior is when someone derives sexual gratification from secretly watching others undress or engage in sexual activities. voyeurs are also known as "peeping toms"

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡

every where you were, jay was there too.

a coffee shop, main library on campus. any cafeteria or food center on campus. anywhere and almost everywhere.

it didn’t matter how many different options were available, you both always ended up at the same place at the same time.

yet you both only had 3 classes together on campus.

philosophy intro to logic, abnormal psychology and interpersonal communications.

“will you be okay?” you friend asked with extreme concern.

“yes, i will be okay, ryunjin.” you reassured.

she was worried because for your abnormal psychology class you were partnered with jay for project.

“maybe yall should study him, because he’s definitely abnormal.” ryunjin whispered.

you playfully swatted her arm. “jay told me to meet him on the fourth floor.”

“why the top floor? so no one can hear you scream?”

“it’s the quiet floor and that’s where he reserved a study room for us.” you said. “please stop being like that!” you huffed.

ryunjin rolled her eyes but went to the second floor where her other friends were as you rode up the elevator to the fourth floor.

you were the one to actually suggest the fourth floor and jay reserved a room for you both based on that suggestion.

getting off the elevator, you found the study room off to the corner with ease, seeing jay set out needed materials on the table.

when he saw you enter he smiled. “oh hey!”

you smiled and waved. “hey jay. ready to get this project knocked out?”

he laughed, “absolutely, but it should be fun. abnormal psychology is one of my favorite subjects.”

“mine too.” you smiled.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

almost an hour later, you both decided on the topic of how personality disorders impact intrapersonal relationships.

you had actually suggested the topic on obsessive sexual fascinations like fetishism, voyeruism, and exhibitionsim, however, jay wasn’t too sure that would even get approved by the professor.

“why not?” you had asked. “is it not a part of abnormal psychology and human behavior?”

“it is but—,”

“you’re not comfortable, it’s okay.” you teased.

ryunjin would probably say it’s because it would mean studying his pattern of behaviors and people don’t like when they get caught.

during the next hour you both jotted down some ideas and found a few psychology papers and articles you all could use.

“we would also need to make sure we find examples.” jay said. “like in movies, shows, plays, things like that.”

“sounds like an easy task! we could use the movies like scream, when a stranger calls, or even—,”

jay chuckled. “and how do these movies relate to our topic?”

“are you kidding,” you laughed with a chuckle, “those people were cray cray. they had to have some kind of personality disorder. sure i can find out with some research.”

“when’s the next time you’re available to work on the project?” jay asked as you both started packing your belongings.

“i am pretty open. i don’t do much but hang around friends or stick to myself.” you shrugged. “how about tomorrow?”

“that’s fine. but i think we’ll have to find a new spot, if i remember correctly the library study rooms are booked up.”

“that’s okay, since we need somewhere private, maybe mine or your apartments?” you suggested, putting your bag over your shoulder.

jay nodded. “either is fine.” he smiled.

“we can do my place! i have plenty of snacks.”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

“are you insane?” ryunjin scolded you. “that guy is is messed up in the head, you know he’s stalking you, yet you invite him to your place? what are you, crazy yourself?”

it was the next day, and you were telling ryunjin your plans with jay to work on the project at your place while you both stopped by a coffee shop earlier in the morning.

“he asked for my address.” you stated.

“of course he did! he can’t get caught.” ryunjin narrowed her eyes at you. you rolled yours, and walked out the coffee shop, her right behind you.

“you know i am just looking out for you, right?” ryunjin sighed. “i mean, you’ve told me how you been finding flowers at your doorstep, and jay would randomly pop up where you are, almost everywhere, you were.”

“i could be overreacting.”

ryunjin scoffed. “oh now you say you’re overreacting? babe, a stalker is a stalker.”

“i actually never said he was a stalker.” you defending, back tracking.

“you legit told me, ‘ryunjin, jay from my class is stalking me!’”

“i don’t recall.” you shrugged it off.

you did recall.

you remember telling ryunjin how flowers were showing up at your door step, the same flowers from a flower shop jay worked at over the summer.

you remember telling ryunjin how anytime you were at the mall, you saw jay there and he would be staring at you wide-eyed, then quickly walk away.

same at any coffee shop, cafeterias on campus and so forth.

you remember telling ryunjin how you always felt someone was watching you as you undressed.

later that evening you prepared a variety of snacks for jay, and spread out all materials that would be needed for the project.

he had texted you and stated he would be at your place by 7:00 pm.

it was 7:05 pm and you got worried, negative thoughts clouding your mind. was he hurt? did he forget? did he stand you up?

at 7:10 pm a knock came to your door, and you giddily got up from your spot on the floor in front of the coffee table and took big strides to open the door.

you opened seeing jay with a smile. “sorry i’m a bit late. uh, something popped up.”

“oh no, is everything okay?” you asked with concern.

jay seemed frazzled and out of sorts than how he usually presents himself or how you see him.

jay shook his head, “i’m good. just probably all in my head.”

“great, let’s get to work!”

you invited jay in your apartment, showing him were you set up the coffee table for working on the project.

“wow you really do have a lot of snacks!” he chuckled. he picked up a few, “and many are my favorite?” this came out more as a question and surprise, his eyebrows raising cutely.

“really? they’re my favorite too!” you giggled. “should we get started? i have a few personality disorders we can explore.”

“sure! what are some you have in mind?”

“well i was researching,” you began, and took a seat on the floor and jay did the same. “some personality disorders that can affect relationships and communication include antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorders, histrionic personality disorders and narcissistic personality disorders.” you listed with a smile. “but those are just cluster b that i think have the highest affects.”

“you seem to know a lot about personality disorders?” jay chuckled.

“i should, it’s an interest of mine. like i mentioned, abnormal psychology is one of my favorite subjects. i would love to work with populations most wouldn’t.”

“like who?” jay asked as you piped his interest.

“serial killers, stalkers, criminals, people like them.”

jay nearly choked on his own spit. “why is that?”

you smirked and your hand landed on his shoulder. he looked at your hand nervously, “i just think most are misunderstood.” you smiled widely. “i also just believe the way they think is so interesting and unbelievable.”

jay watched you talk about your passion with not only interest but something more. maybe he was looking at you strangely? looking at you with concern?

“well, this project should be breeze then.” he laughed nervously. he was more than ready to leave.

as you all continued to work on the project at a good pace, you and jay couldn’t help but still glances at one another.

two and half hours later, jay stood with a stretch, “it’s getting late, i should go.” he stated. “thank you for the snacks.”

he started packing up his things, as you began cleaning up a little. once his backpack strap was over his shoulder, he looked into your kitchen seeing a vase of flowers, a tag that clearly showed it was from the flower shop he worked at over the summer.

jay got nervous and fearful. he quickly adverted his gaze before you caught him looking. but unknown to him, you saw him out of the corner of your eye looking at the flowers, but you decided to keep quiet about it.

“so, i’ll see you tomorrow?” you asked hopeful.

jay’s voice shook with nerves, “um, i’ll text you. i forgot i have something planned with my friends tomorrow.” he smiled politely, but quickly bid goodbye and left your apartment.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

jay laid in bed after showering wide awake for a while. his nerves had gotten the better of him.

you had showered and put on some comfy clothes to enjoy your favorite show after jay left.

jay soon fell asleep, and one thing about jay was he was a heavy sleeper. almost nothing could wake him up so easily. his friends would tease him about it, but it was just who he was.

you weren’t a heavy sleeper on the other hand. which is why to every small noise you would awake, or had almost a third sense of being over cautionary fearful someone was always watching.

the flowers in the trash looked at you almost mockingly, and you closed your fist so tight, your nails were sure to dig into your knuckles.

such an angel while sleeping. so peaceful.

yes jay was. you smiled lovingly looking down at him as you watched him from his doorway as he slept soundly. you stepped quietly closer to him to get as close as possible, when you took out your polaroid camera.

after watching your favorite show which starred jay, him getting undressed and redressed, you were hot and bothered and couldn’t wait until you could finally make your move.

but it would take time. he wouldn’t understand you, or your habits, or how your brain worked.

you could see he was judging you earlier about the way you spoke about your passion.

but he would come around. he had to.

you knew he got stumbled by the flowers in your apartment. if he questioned, you would’ve just waved it off as a coincidence you got it for yourself, or maybe tell him you had a secret admirer to see if he would get jealous.

would he? you had a feeling he would be the jealous and possessive type of what belongs to him.

you sure were. possessive, jealous, of any girl that he talked to. he didn’t know better, but those women should! you thought, they couldn’t compare to you anyway.

when it came to your tactics, you had to be careful. you didn’t want to scare him off too soon. so this project was a great way to wiggle yourself into his bubble.

you fantasized so much about your future with jay. it blurred the line between fact and fictitious, and you were so deep into the obsession, you didn’t understand or even see the line anymore.

you didn’t want to blackmail him—not yet. the flowers were enough for now.

your love for jay made you crazy.

no one could blame you. that’s just how love was, right?

“don’t blame me.” you whispered to jay as you ran your fingers lightly through his hair with a smile.

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡

[i-live-inyourwalls]

more haikyuu characters i think would be friends as adults (PLATONIC! I WILL SELF-IMMOLATE BEFORE I BREAK UP MY FAV SHIPS)

bokuto + ushijima

- first of all, part of my reasoning is that it would be funny as fuck

- HOWEVER: bokuto is kinda gullible, takes a lot of what he’s told at face value without questioning it. he’s honest and open about his emotions

- ushijima is VERY literal, also takes things at face value, and doesn’t generally understand other people if they aren’t being direct

- bokuto’s inability to keep anything to himself would actually be helpful for ushijima

- he’d never be confused about bokuto’s emotional state which (as we know) is not something he would pick up on unless he was told

- bokuto would also benefit from being around someone who was incapable of sparing his feelings (ego probably would take a hit at first, but i think as an adult he’d be more capable of handling it)

- also bokuto is insanely social so he wouldn’t stop trying until he and ushijima were friends

- bonus: he’d get to hang out with tendou which would be fun for him

tendou + tanaka

- they are both insane

- high energy, like messing with people, weird hair

- somewhat self-centered but still socially aware

- i think tanaka would find tendou entertaining and i think tendou would find tanaka funny

- also the potential for them fucking with people to an honestly diabolical degree? yeah, i’m sat for that

- i think they would both mess with ushijima, but i don’t think they’d ever actually be mean— and they’re smart enough to know some of their friends should be left alone (…iwaizumi….daichi….oikawa but only because oikawa would put an honestly neurotic effort into getting revenge—which could only be learned through experience)

nishinoya + kuroo

- i mean… i feel like this one is obvious

- obsessed with themselves, enjoy causing chaos

- kuroo is so much smarter than noya but noya is more unpredictable so…they could definitely be a dangerous combination

- smarter than the tendou + tanaka duo because, like, kuroo

- kuroo would probably take advantage of how willing noya is to do dumb shit and get noya to do his stupidest ideas (noya would not realize he was being strategically convinced, also he probably wouldn’t even care if he knew because he was having fun)

- also, absolutely would be each other’s wingmen. probably with asahi and kenma. can almost guarantee they would NOT be good at this and the other men would just find it confusing

akaashi + kenma

- said in my prev post about this, i think akaashi would be friends with kuroo because they took of kenma and bokuto in high school so have a shared (ish) experience

- he’d be friends with kenma for different but adjacent reasons

- they’re both somewhat quiet and reserved but capable of being sarcastic or harsh if the situation requires it

- dating bokuto and kuroo (IN MY WORLD THEY ARE. ITS REAL TO ME!!!)

- anyway, both dating people with VERY different levels of extroversion who like to spend time together

- can sympathize with the sensory overload that is being around bokuto and kuroo at the same time

- BokuAka & KuroKen double dates??? yeah bro. bokuto’s idea, kuroo talks kenma into them.

- they’d probably enjoy watching Bokuto and Kuroo entertain themselves when they all hung out even if it was overwhelming

- ^^^ both of them have a much shorter social battery so would be allies in the situation (if they don’t want to talk, they hide from everyone in silence— my mental image is them quietly doomscrolling in the same room, or kenma playing video games while akaashi reads a book or something— point being, i think they’d be able to be around each other comfortably without it feeling like actual social interaction)

edited for spelling :-)

[pdpenpals]

hihi! i was wondering if i could get a romantic letter from phoenix drop high gene? she/they pronouns please :)

and for the context of the letter, maybe Gene & Reader recently started dating but can’t text because Reader is away at an academic sleep away camp (preferably centered around literature/writing)? Reader is on the more academic/nerdy side and not officially part of the SK so them doing these kinds of programs is their usual summer thing but it’s the first time Gene and Reader have been away from eachother since they started dating

tysm <33

hihi!! thanks for sending this in, i think this prompt’s absolutely adorable!

unrelated but speaking of literature whenever i see gene now that i’m older i think of heathcliff (more of the name) or the phantom for some reason.

your entire being perks up at the mention that a letter’s arrived, and your heart races as you go through who could have possibly sent it in your head. the moment you have it in your hands, you can almost tell exactly who it’s from. the envelope’s a dark gray, close enough to be black. there are stickers all over its back next to your name and address, same goes for the front. opening it, you catch a whiff of someone familiar’s cologne. that cheeky bastard. 

you notice almost immediately that there’s not only a letter inside, but a bunch of printed photos and some unused stickers. after finding a spot to settle your new goodies upon, you get comfy and get to reading.

Hey cutie. Miss me yet? 

Heard a fair’s coming to town soon. I think it’ll still be there when you get back. There should even be fireworks on the last day. We can go there if you wanna.

Other than that, nothing much happened today. Dante was out, and I had the house to myself for a good portion of the afternoon. Without sugarcoating it, I was bored out of my mind.

It took me a while to figure out my texts or calls weren’t getting through to you. Mom must have seen how frustrated I was about it, so she shared some of her spare stationery with me as a last resort. She said something about wanting to hear about how your summer’s been doing so far.

That’s all the small talk I can handle for today. You might get too tired of staring at only words for too long over there, so you might want to check out the pics taken these past few days. The stickers are from Zenix and Sasha by the way, they also say hi.

Kidding aside, I know how much this whole camp thing means to you.  But I’ve been feeling weird ever since you left. It’s weirder knowing you’re not nearby. When you’re not a walk or a call away. Even though I know exactly how many days and many hours are left until you come back.

Sappy shit out the way, I decided to read that one book you lent me at random. I’m not sure you remember it much since you hurriedly gave it to me without a second thought, but it’s that really old one about the day before the world ends. All that apocalyptic and sad shit. Even though I didn’t get it, I guess it was nice that Vincent and Leticia got their happy ending. To be honest, the book overall didn’t stand out to me much, but the concept of having one day left to live sure did.

If I knew the world was going to end tomorrow I would

Y’know, maybe it’s for the best I save it for when we meet again in person, so you better come back home in one piece, yeah?

With an aching heart and hand, Your Gene, who misses you terribly

PS. I feel like you’ve been rubbing off on me recently, state-of-mind-wise. While it’s not that bad, it gives me the chills.

PPS. If not having you near me hasn't driven me insane yet, I definitely will go mad if this letter doesn't make it to you. Especially after all I've put my wrist through just for this. Maybe I should visit the post office a few more times?

[chris-slut]

hii love i have a request! chris knows you love to read romance but he never knew that u liked reading smut. when he finds out, he gets a little turned on..

𓈒𓏸 𖦹 lost in the fire ⸝⸝ 💌 .ᐟ ׄ ׅ ྀ

pairing; dom!chris x bookslut!reader

summary; you tell your boyfriend, chris, your going to hop in the shower. while in there, he notices your bookshelf in front of him. chris has always thought you read normal romance book’s— so he of course picks one up and slowly skims the pages. his eyes widen as he notices what you’ve been hiding from him.

! chris p.o.v x 3rd person p.o.v !

!warnings!; SMUTTY SMUT, oral (fem!receiving), p in v, protected sex, blindfold, handcuffs, pet names, (baby, slut, whore, ma.), overstimulation.

authors note; i’m sorry if this isn’t as smutty or too smutty— but it just seemed right for the idea you know 🤷🏼‍♀️! also i absolutely HATE this.

imani = pink

chris = blue

book characters = purple

“CHRIS, BABY,” imani calls out to chris, his head turning around to face her. “yeah?” he questions her. “i’m gonna go shower— just stay there okay?” imani mumbles to chris and he nods at the girl. she gets up and grabs her towel, swinging it over her shoulder. imani walks into the bathroom and lock’s the door, chris turning his phone on right after.

after 15 minutes, chris gets bored and turns his phone off. he walks to the closest thing next to him— her bookshelf. his long fingers run across every cover of the book, looking for one that he hasn’t seen before. he picks up a book called “shred of decency” and skips to the page she left off on.

“i want this morgan” , “what do you want?” say me. remind me we’re meant for each other and that we can forget our lousy morning and the rest of our troubles. “to suck you.”

chris’s eyes widen as his cheeks flush a deep red color. has my girlfriend been reading smut this whole time? just right next to me in bed every night? chris’s eyes scan at the tabbed pages, flipping through them.

he sees pages with sentences like “idea for chris,” or “want to do.” why hasn’t she ever asked me about doing any of this? was she to nervous to ask?

* CHRIS’S P.O.V *

‘WHAT THE hell. no way my girlfriend has been reading this shit our whole relationship and said nothing. i mean— do i not give her enough?’ i look to the side and open her drawer, a pink puffy set of handcuffs and a silk black blindfold appearing in-front of my eyes. we’ve had things like this around just incase something came up and we were in the mood. but, obviously if she thinks i’m not giving her enough— tonight will definitely show her i am able to.

the bathroom door unlocks as i quickly shove both of the items into my back pockets, turning around to see her in just a towel. my cheeks go back to the red color they were before as my cock aches for attention in my pants. god she looks so fuckable. “chris, baby, your staring—“ she says as my hands land right to her waist, my nails practically digging into her sides.

“those books, the page— your a slut imani,” i mumble to her, placing a wet kiss on her neck and biting down gently. her breathe hitches when i do so, letting a whimper slide past her lips. my fingers slide down from her waist to the center of her core, her juices immediately coating my fingers. “so fucking wet and i haven’t even done a thing— such a good girl for me,” i mumble against her once more, leaving a bite mark against the soft skin along her collar bone. “and these, these are finally getting used tonight,” i say to her once more, taking the pink fluffy handcuffs and white silk blindfold out my pocket. i quickly put them back in to slide my hands up and down her thighs.

imani sucks her breathe in as her cheeks turn red. “chris.. we’ve never done anything like this before— are you sure about it?” she asks me in a concerned tone. “after those smutty books i saw baby, i’ve never been more sure,” i say to her, grabbing her wrists and pinning them up against her head, trailing the sloppiest kisses down to the spot just below her belly button.

* 3RD PERSON P.O.V ! *

“tell me what you want baby, use your words,” chris mutters against imani’s stomach. a whimper falls from her mouth as she looks at the boy through her eyelashes. “please.. please just make me feel good chris,” she begs as a smirk plasters on the boys. chris grabs her by her waist and places her down on the bed, angling her where her hands are above her head and against the headboard.

chris grabs the pink fluffy handcuffs from his pocket as he puts her wrist together, locking it onto the headboard. he quickly grabs the blindfold from his pocket after and ties it across imani’s eyes, blocking out her vision. a whimper escapes her lips as chris goes down slowly, inching closer and closer to her soaked core.

“fuck chris- don’t be a tease please..” imani tells him but he smacks her thigh. “don’t tell me what to do you whore,” he spits out at the girl as he places a bite against the inside of her thigh. he licks the spot and goes to the other one, repeating the same thing.

imani bucks her hips up. chris quickly holds down her waist as his nails dig into her hips. “don’t fucking move, you got me?” chris demands, imani nods her head and lets chris continue.

he moves his face right above her soaked core, his hot breath beating onto it. chris slowly licks upwards as whimpers begin falling from imani’s mouth.

“f-fuck..” she says as chris dives in, nose rubbing against her as he sucks on her clit. “taste so fuckin’ good ma,” chris tells her as he groans.

he continues sucking on her until he starts feeling imani’s legs shake. “oh shit- gonna cum chris!” she moans out.

before anything could come out, chris pulls away and begins taking his sweatpants and underwear off. he grabs the condom that’s next to him and rips it open with his teeth, sliding it over his length. “chris- what the-“ before imani could complain any longer chris plunged into her.

a loud pornographic moan escapes imani’s mouth as she tries to get out of the handcuffs. “fuck chris— please! to much!” imani cries out as chris goes thrusts in and out of her harshly.

“cmon baby, the tabs you have on those books? the sentences you have written down? you were begging for this. are you really gonna beg to stop?” chris tells her as he slowly pulls out, just incase she was sure.

“no chris.. fuck— don’t stop,” imani accepts her defeat. hearing this scentence, chris wastes no time plunging back into her.

the room is filled with slapping noises and whimpers from the pair.

“chris.. i’m cumming!” imani screams out as chris’s thrusts go faster. “fuck, so am i baby! cum with me alright?” chris says.

imani scream-moans outloud as she feels herself release onto him, chris realessing into the condom not the long after her.

he takes the condom off and ties it, walking to the bathroom and throwing it in the trashcan.

“here you go baby,” chris whispers as he takes both the blindfold and the handcuffs off. “was it to much?” he asks while putting the items away.

“it’s never to much with you, trust me.”

[scoobydoodean]

Saw a bad take about Sam being the more ‘moral’ and ‘better’ brother and I just… sighed and came to your blog so I can get good and fact based takes. At least when you say something I hadn’t initially agreed with or considered you refer to actual scenes and analysis and understanding of context, gives me something to think about

I don't consider Sam immoral, but I always find the "sam is the moral one" stuff so funny. He argued that people in jail should be left to die. He was the sole witness of a teenager's kidnapping and didn't tell anyone. He wanted to turn Dean into Frankenstein's monster once. He used an evil book to start an apocalypse then said "I would do it again in a heartbeat" while people were dying around him. He tried to kill Dean's cajun vampire boyfriend and chained Dean to a radiator to keep him from interfering. He killed Dean's daughter then yelled at him that she wasn't his and not to be a pussy about it. But yeah he *looks at notes* wanted to save victims of possession that one time and empathized with like three people and sometimes makes this face >:( to show he agrees with Dean when Dean is explaining why something is bad so Sam is definitely the series' moral center.

[fateandfragments-fanfiction]

Summoned By Accident - F!Reader x Aether

Genshin Impact

When Reader accidentally activates an ancient summoning ritual, she is shocked to find herself face-to-face with Aether.

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The summoning circle was definitely not part of [Name]'s plans for the evening.

She had simply been trying to find shelter from the rain, ducking into the ruins of what looked like an old library. The books were barely holding together, their pages brittle and faded, but curiosity got the better of her. One tome in particular caught her attention, its leather-bound cover bearing an unfamiliar symbol that gleamed faintly in the dim light.

Naturally, she opened it. Naturally, she couldn’t resist tracing the strange patterns etched inside. And naturally, she’d muttered the foreign words aloud without thinking.

Now, as the glowing circle hummed with a low, ominous energy, [Name] had the sinking feeling that she had made a grave error.

The air crackled. The circle flared brighter, and with a dramatic burst of light, a figure appeared in its center, crouched like a predator ready to spring. As the glow subsided, [Name] blinked, trying to make sense of what—or who—she had just summoned.

Golden eyes locked onto hers, sharp and piercing. The figure rose slowly, revealing a lean man clad in a dark, otherworldly outfit that seemed to shimmer and shift like smoke. His blonde hair caught the faint light, giving him an almost ethereal glow.

[Name] stared. “Aether?”

The Traveler looked just as startled as she was. He glanced down at the glowing circle beneath his feet, then back at her, his expression a mixture of confusion and annoyance.

“What… did you do?” he asked, his voice calm but edged with disbelief.

“I have no idea!” [Name] blurted, gesturing wildly at the circle. “I was just reading, and—wait, why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Liyue or something?”

Aether crossed his arms, the faintest hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. “Apparently, you summoned me. Congratulations.”

[Name] groaned, running a hand through her damp hair. “Summoned you? What are you even talking about? You’re not a demon—or a god, for that matter.”

Aether tilted his head, his eyes gleaming mischievously. “And how do you know that?”

She froze. “Wait. Are you?”

His smirk deepened. “Does it matter?”

“Of course it matters!” [Name] snapped, pointing at him accusingly. “If you’re some kind of supernatural being, then I—wait, am I stuck in a deal now? Do I owe you my soul? Is that how this works?”

Aether laughed—a soft, rich sound that was entirely too pleasant for the situation. “Relax. I don’t want your soul.”

“Then what do you want?” she demanded, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes.

He stepped out of the circle, his movements fluid and unnervingly graceful. “Honestly? To figure out why I was dragged here in the middle of a perfectly fine day.”

[Name] blinked. “That’s it? No ominous bargains? No curses or cryptic warnings?”

Aether raised a brow, clearly amused. “Should I be doing those things?”

“Well, no,” she muttered, suddenly feeling foolish. “But it’s what usually happens in stories like this.”

“Good thing I’m not a story,” he said, his smile softening. “Now, can you tell me what exactly you did?”

[Name] hesitated, glancing back at the book she’d dropped on the floor. She picked it up, flipping through the pages to the section she’d been reading. “I might have, um, read this out loud.”

Aether leaned over her shoulder, scanning the text.

“Ancient summoning ritual,” he read, his voice thoughtful. “Designed to call forth a being of power who can assist in one’s greatest need.”

[Name] frowned. “Assist? I don’t need assistance. I was just trying to get out of the rain!”

Aether chuckled, stepping back. “Maybe your need wasn’t about the rain. These things tend to dig a little deeper.”

She gave him a skeptical look. “Are you seriously telling me this magic circle psychoanalyzed me?”

“Stranger things have happened,” he said with a shrug.

After some back-and-forth (and a lot of grumbling on [Name]'s part), they managed to deactivate the summoning circle. Or at least, Aether did—[Name] mostly hovered nearby, trying not to look too impressed as he worked.

“Okay,” she said once the circle’s glow had faded. “Now what? Do you just, I don’t know, vanish?”

Aether smirked. “I could. Or I could stick around for a while.”

She raised a brow. “Why would you do that?”

He tilted his head, his eyes filled with mischief. “Because you clearly need help.”

“With what?” she asked, indignant.

“That’s for you to figure out,” he said, his voice teasing but gentle. “But until then, you might as well have someone around who can handle glowing circles and ancient tomes.”

[Name] crossed her arms, eyeing him warily. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“Maybe a little,” he admitted, his smile warm.

For a moment, she considered arguing. But as she looked at him—his calm confidence, his steady presence—she found herself letting out a resigned sigh.

“Fine,” she said. “But if you start doing anything weird, I’m sending you back.”

Aether laughed, his eyes bright with amusement. “Deal.”

And as they stepped out of the ruins together, [Name] couldn’t help but wonder if, just maybe, she’d accidentally summoned exactly what she needed.

The rain had eased into a light drizzle as [Name] and Aether made their way down the narrow forest path leading away from the ruins. The air smelled of wet earth and pine, and the distant rustle of leaves filled the silence between them. [Name] had expected the conversation to flow more naturally, but something about Aether’s presence left her unusually self-aware.

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. He walked with an easy grace, his hands tucked into the pockets of his coat, golden eyes scanning their surroundings with quiet curiosity. It was unnerving how comfortable he seemed, as though he hadn’t just been summoned out of nowhere and bound to her by some ancient ritual.

“You’re awfully calm about all this,” she said finally, breaking the silence.

Aether turned his head toward her, his lips curving into a small smile. “Would you prefer I panic?”

“No,” she admitted, frowning. “But it’s weird. One minute you’re… wherever you were, and the next you’re in a glowing circle because of some clueless idiot—”

“You’re not clueless,” he interrupted, his voice gentle.

[Name]'s cheeks flushed faintly, and she crossed her arms defensively. “I summoned you by accident. That’s pretty clueless.”

Aether’s smile softened. “You’re resourceful enough to activate a summoning circle and brave enough to face something you don’t understand. That’s not clueless. It’s impressive.”

Her steps faltered slightly, her heart skipping in a way that irritated her. “You don’t have to butter me up, you know.”

“Who says I’m buttering you up?” he asked, his tone teasing but sincere.

[Name] huffed, her face warming further. “You’re ridiculous.”

“And you’re fun to fluster,” Aether said, the glimmer in his eyes making it clear he enjoyed her reactions far too much.

They reached a small clearing where the remnants of an old campsite stood—a fire pit surrounded by weathered stones, a makeshift shelter that had long since fallen apart. It was the perfect spot to wait out the rest of the drizzle. Aether busied himself gathering wood while [Name] checked their surroundings.

As she worked, she couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. Not by an enemy, though—something gentler. She turned to find Aether watching her, his gaze warm and curious.

“What?” she asked, more defensive than she intended.

He tilted his head, smiling faintly. “Nothing. You just seem… different.”

[Name] frowned. “Different how?”

“Most people I’ve met in situations like this are either terrified or overly confident,” he said, crouching to arrange the firewood. “But you’re… both, in a way.”

She blinked, caught off guard. “Both?”

Aether nodded, striking a match and coaxing the small flame to life. “You don’t shy away from fear, but you don’t let it control you, either. It’s rare.”

[Name] opened her mouth to respond, but no words came. She wasn’t used to being seen so clearly, and it unsettled her.

“You’ve been through a lot, haven’t you?” Aether asked softly, his voice drawing her out of her thoughts.

She hesitated, then sighed, sitting down near the fire. “Haven’t we all? Life’s not exactly gentle with anyone.”

He nodded, his expression thoughtful. “True. But not everyone faces it the way you do.”

[Name] stared at the flames, the heat warming her cheeks as her mind raced. “You talk like you know me,” she said, her voice quieter now.

“I’m starting to,” he replied simply.

The night deepened, the storm finally abating as stars began to peek through the clouds. The fire crackled softly between them, its light casting flickering shadows across Aether’s face. [Name] found herself relaxing despite the strangeness of the evening, her usual defenses slipping away in the quiet.

“Why didn’t you just leave when I broke the circle?” she asked suddenly, her curiosity bubbling to the surface. “You could’ve vanished, right?”

Aether leaned back against a fallen log, his eyes catching the firelight. “I could have,” he admitted. “But… I didn’t want to.”

She arched a brow. “Why?”

“Because I think you needed me here,” he said, his voice steady but soft.

[Name]'s heart gave an unexpected lurch, and she looked away, focusing on the stars instead of the warmth in his gaze. “That’s a pretty bold assumption.”

“Maybe,” he said with a quiet chuckle. “But I’ve learned to trust my instincts.”

Her lips twitched despite herself. “And what do your instincts tell you now?”

Aether didn’t answer immediately, and the pause made her glance back at him. His expression was unreadable, but there was something tender in the way he looked at her, as if he was seeing more than she wanted him to.

“They tell me that I don’t want to leave,” he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper.

[Name]'s breath caught, her pulse quickening. She opened her mouth to respond, but the words tangled in her throat, her usual wit failing her.

Aether smiled, leaning slightly closer. “Is that okay?”

She stared at him for a long moment, her walls crumbling further with each passing second. Finally, she let out a quiet laugh, shaking her head. “You’re something else, Traveler.”

“And you’re impossible to ignore,” he replied, his eyes never leaving hers.

For the first time in what felt like ages, [Name] didn’t feel the need to run, to push back, or to protect herself. Instead, she smiled—a small, genuine thing that felt like a promise.

“Maybe it’s okay,” she said softly, her voice steady despite the warmth in her cheeks. “For now.”

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦

I low keep want to think she actually summoned Paimon, given her name and all, but that's my HC for this fic. And yes I have some more post-therapy fics coming your way lol

[mysteryshoptls]

2023-2024 Player Birthday Login Message Lines

These are all the messages that you get from the boys when you log in on the birthday that you set in-game from 18 Mar 2023 to 17 Mar 2024! For those that want to hear them, you can find them in the Archive, under the tab その他　→　監督生バースデー③. (This will not be in your game archives until the birthday you set passes.)

You can find the 2021-2022 Birthday Login Message Lines here! You can find the 2022-2023 Birthday Login Message Lines here!

HEARTSLABYUL

Riddle

Happy Birthday, [Yuu]. I have arranged for there to be a birthday party in your honor after classes finish for the day. Be sure to finish all your homework before it begins. Of course, that includes your going over what was taught in class. ...You cannot finish in time? I suppose it cannot be helped. I'll help you with whatever you don't understand. However, just know that my instruction is quite strict.

Ace

Hey, [Yuu], Happy Birthday! Must be nice, being the center of attention today. Wanna trade places with me? I'm kidding, c'mon. Like, yeah, I love it when everyone fawns over me on my own birthday, but I'm not against celebrating others either. Guess I should go all out once in a while. You better be ready for it!

Deuce

Today is your birthday, right? Happy Birthday. Here's a face towel as your present. Hm? ...Oh, you don't need to hesitate or nothing. Isn't it normal to want to celebrate your bud's birthday? And 'sides... it's just between you and me. I'm happy for you to take it!

Cater

Happy Birthday, [Yuu]-chan! It's time for your birthday party, huh. Once we get to the venue, let's snap a pic with everyone! We gotta take tons that looks super lively and worth a memory! Ah, and obvi I gotta get me a pic with the two of us! I def don't wanna miss out on grabbing that selfie with the star of the day ♪

Trey

Happy Birthday, [Yuu]. I decided to get you a ball-point pen and a notebook for your birthday. I even looked into a few of the more popular brands, but none of them really called out to me. Sorry it's not anything cool. But I did my best to pick something out for you. I hope you can use it for your studies.

SAVANACLAW

Leona

Yo, [Yuu]. Today's your birthday, right? Good for you. Huh? A present? Yeah, I don't have anything like that for you, why would I? Just be satisfied that I even said anything. I came all this way just to wish you a happy birthday. That should be enough to get your tail wagging, all happy, don'tcha think?

Jack

Oh, I found you. I was looking for you, [Yuu]. Ah, I mean, it's not like it's something super important or anything... But, it's your birthday today, right? Happy Birthday. Here, this is your present, some running shoes. What? You wanna know if that's why I was searching for you? Wh-Why does that matter...? Uh, bye!

Ruggie

[Yuu]-kun, it's your birthday today, right? Shishishi, Happy Birthday! Felicitations and whatnot! You look so much more glam today than you usually do. You've definitely grown. I hardly recognize you～ Amazing! Just the best! Eh? You want more than just words? Well, I can give you a gift, I guess, but... You better give me at least 10 times the amount back～

OCTAVINELLE

Azul

Happy Birthday. Your gift is this board game here. How about a game? If you were to win, I will gift you one more object. Books, clothes, whatever you wish. If you lose... Fufufu, I wonder what I should have you do for me. Think of this thrilling little competition as part of your present as well.

Jade

[Yuu]-san, Happy Birthday. I have prepared a tea press as your present. Do you know how to use it? First, pour boiling water to warm it up, then add the tea leaves and steep. Then pour it from about this high... Perhaps it would be better if I showed it to you. Allow me to prepare you a cup of tea after this.

Floyd

Today's your birthday, right, Koebi-chan? Happy Birthday～ Here ya go, here's your present. What's inside? Well, if I told you, that'd be no fun. 'Sides, you'd be happy with whatever I gave you, right? Lucky you, Koebi-chan. Ahahah!

SCARABIA

Kalim

[Yuu]! Happy Birthday! I'm gonna throw a huge party for you today. I'm getting the venue ready right now, so just wait a bit, okay? But, I guess it'd be kind of boring just waiting around doing nothing. Oh yeah! How about we go for a magic carpet ride? Let's go soaring through the skies together before the party starts!

Jamil

So, today's your birthday. Happy Birthday. Here's a cutlery set as your gift. There's one for cutting meat, fish, and even dessert... There may be many different types, but it might not be bad to learn how to use them all. I'll give you a quick lesson on them later at the party. It'll probably be easier to learn while eating.

POMEFIORE

Vil

[Yuu], Happy Birthday. I've prepared a gift that you could only receive from me. I'll use this carefully selected item and give you a proper lecture on make-up. I wonder just how much of a transformation we'll see. ...Even though this may be your present, I am starting to get excited as well.

Epel

[Yuu]-san, Happy Birthday! I got a super special gift for you. Here ya go, a jacket that's got a rising golden dragon embroidered on it! The inner lining's got a tiger on it! Isn't it cool? U-Uh. Oh, maybe it's not to your liking...? Don't worry about it, I bet it'll totally look rad on you!

Rook

Greetings, Trickster! Happy Birthday! Fufu, as you can see, I was lying in wait for you. I knew that you would be alone at this time, at this very place. How...? Fufu, let's just say it was instinct. Now, please accept my birthday greetings!

IGNIHYDE

Idia

...H-Happy Birthday...　I-I tried to follow in the footsteps of them normies and got you a present IRL... It-It's all the volumes of my number one favorite manga and light novel set. Fuheehee. Spreading the word and bringing in new fans is the best way for those of us in the fandom to thrive! Check it― ......Uh, yeah, if you, uh, get time, please take a look...

Ortho

Based on my data, today's your birthday, right? Happy Birthday, [Yuu]-san! Ah, there's been a change in your vital signs. Your pulse rate and body temperature just increased. Ehe, were you happy that I'm here to celebrate you? It makes me feel so great to see you so happy. Birthday are really nice, aren't they?

DIASOMNIA

Malleus

[Yuu], Happy Birthday. As your gift, I shall play you something on the violin. Which song would you care for? Oh, you would allow me to pick? Hm, which one should it be... If I were to select something that would be adequate for your birthday... I suppose a cheerful song may be in order. It isn't a genre I play often, but I will take this opportunity to give it a try.

Silver

So, today is your Birthday. Of course, I will be attending your birthday party. To make certain I will not fall asleep during the party, I went to sleep early last night. I also took a nap this afternoon, and I've prepared ice to help me stay awake. However, just in case, allow me to say the most important thing up first. [Yuu], Happy Birthday.

Sebek

Hey, human! ...I'm talking to you, [Yuu]! I will give you the honor of my birthday wishes. Your present is a book. Only, I realized that I did not know your favorite genre. So we will go now to select it together. Tell me what kind of books that you ordinarily read.

Lilia

[Yuu], Happy Birthday. We have your party coming up after this, huh. The feast has been well prepared. Of course I didn't hold anything back. I put all of my efforts into making everything. Kufufu, you better be looking forward to it!

OTHERS

Grim

[Yuu]! Happy Birthday! I'll let you have me celebrate it together with you! We gotta chow down on all the tasty stuff! Then we'll sing, and dance, and play games... Nyahahaha! This is gonna be the best day ever! Let's hurry and get to the party venue already!

Crowley

Ta-daaa! What do you suppose this could be? That's correct, it's an exchange coupon for use at the Mystery Shop! You have been a consistent helping hand, so... This is a special gift for you. Happy Birthday. Incidentally, that is only worth 500 madol (5 Thaumarks). It cannot be exchanged for something pricier than that. Please don't hold it against me.

Rollo

Whatever is the matter, [Yuu]-kun? There is a strange glimmer in your eyes... Ah, I see. Today is your birthday. A present? Hmph. I hardly think that it should be something you request of others... But no matter. Indeed, birthdays should be treasured. However, what would be an acceptable gift...? I am afraid I'm rather unaccustomed to this. I would hope I do not disappoint you with a poor gift choice.

Requested by Anonymous.

[delaneytveit]

There’s a difference between not having the main character as your fave and genuinely spending all your free time like a loser trying to pretend the main character is something she’s not

That’s what Feyre haters sound like. The criticisms are made up because it’s just character hate where someone desperately tries to find a reason to blame everything on the main character whose defining trait according to the author is her “compassion” and is described as “THE BEST” sister to Nesta by her

So no it’s not anything like you pretend it is, preferring other characters is normal. Conjuring hate and things not in the book because you are desperate to hate on the main character is definitely not normal behavior lmao

hey bestiee,

thanks for the anon but if you have something to say about a post, you can put it directly on the post. its okay, really.

but i digress. and since its thanksgiving for me and i just spent 4-5 hours preparing a whole ass feast, i’ve got some time today.

you are barking up the wrong tree though, i don’t hate feyre. i was quite literally explaining that people do not have to like the main character of a series/ piece of media, in order to consume said series/ piece of media. like i said before, and you may have been to young at the time, but i remember tons of posts hating on bella (swann), and i mean tons! and yet still enjoyed characters like rosalie and alice and carlisle.

policing people on who they are and aren’t allowed to like seems weirder to me than the people who have a few original posts and reblogs about why they don’t like another character with their reasons.

now as for what feyre is or isnt, there’s a lot of nuance there, like i personally think feyre is annoying and has become a lot more self centered/ bitchy throughout the series, i also recognize that she has been through a lot and has showed some changes. is she my favorite character? MANNNNN HELL NAW i could name 10+ characters i like more than her, BUT i also think she deserves better.

now everything i have said about feyre in posts before, has textual evidence backing it. it seems to just be her fans that make things up about her (in my experience) saying that she and rhys killed amarantha for one, claiming that she was the only one who did anything when living in the cabin, yet she can only heat up soup when she was in the cabin in NC, etc. theres a ton of retconning that sjm just expects us to go along with in regards to feyre and her character and for a lot of us it just doesn’t work like that.

anyways tldr: irdc, i dont hate feyre, but i do hate policing people’s consumption of media. like feyre, or hate her, like rhysand or hate him (newsflash i also don’t hate him, i just don’t agree with his actions) its all your prerogative.

[unordinary-diary]

Ensemble and Intelligence

Everyone in the main cast is really smart, actually. Every last one of them. But it doesn’t feel repetitive or unrealistic because they’re all smart in different ways.

Seraphina: is probably the most obviously smart. She’s capable of perfect grades, she’s a skilled liar, good at reading people and puzzling information together, and she’s really really clever. The moment that sticks out to me most is when she used clever wording to trick Nadia, the lie detector, during her interrogation in chapter 28, without hesitation or breaking a sweat. I’d argue that she’s actually the smartest character in the cast.

Blyke: is mostly academically smart. He gets good grades in school and finds the work to be easy. Beyond that, he’s also good at reading people. He’s not as good as Seraphina is, but he’s able to read his two best friends like a book, and he has a much higher emotional intelligence than I initially gave him credit for. He also uses his ability very creatively, even before his power up. A moment that sticks out to me is when Remi was secretly going after EMBER, and Blyke was able to read her and piece together what was going on, meanwhile Isen had no idea anything was wrong.

Isen: is not a high achiever in school, but he excels in writing. He is proficient at gathering, piecing together, and expressing information. He’s also the only character except maybe Seraphina who consistently makes the smart decisions (as opposed to the reckless, emotional, hasty or ill informed/advised ones). Most characters make at least some stupid decisions and mistakes, but Isen is pretty much always focused on logic and foresight. Notable moments include: being able to track down John’s records, tracking down Claire, choosing not to publish the article on fake Jokers because he knew it would exacerbate the problem, tracking EMBER’s movements and basically anything he does on his computer.

John: initially seems like a total birdbrain. He acts like a dumbass, and he gets fairly bad grades. However, it’s clear from the beginning that he’s a good strategist. He thinks on his feet well, he’s good at sizing people up, and when he chooses to, he uses his ability with incredible creativity and tact. His intelligence is largely fighting centered. However, much later in the story, after John’s suspension, we see another side of him. It doesn’t show up much when he’s acting like silly old hair gel John, and definitely not much when he’s too buried in his anger to think straight, but John is really clever. This side of John is a lot like Seraphina’s smarts— he’s good at reading people, and he’s good at putting pieces together and thinking critically. Things that come to mind are when he read Arlo like a book, (something along the lines of “But you do need help. You wouldn’t have lost your cool if you had things under control.) and when he immediately sniffed out Sera’s lies (She said she was talking to Arlo about “Safe House stuff”, and John identifies that as a lie because if it were true she would have kept Remi in the room instead of asking for a private conversation with Arlo).

Arlo: is very cunning. He’s constantly scheming and thinking five steps ahead. He makes many misguided decisions due to his naïveté and misplaced trust, but he’s also very often the voice of reason. He’s a great leader and an even better manipulator. He’s always thinking analytically and connecting dots. An example is the fact that Arlo is the only person who suspected that John was actually a high tier, and looked deeper for more info. He also provided valuable insight in the Spectre investigation, and, like Isen, often encourages others on the side of caution (advising Seraphina not to meet with Spectre, involving John with the Spectre issue, telling Remi not to go after EMBER, etc.) Now, Arlo actually does give off the impression of being stupid at times, which is something I’d like to look at. He has many areas where he acts purely on his emotions and against common wisdom, but that is something that every person does. I think the reason why Arlo’s emotion-based decisions come off as stupidity moreso than other characters is because of the image he upholds: Arlo hides his emotions, pretends he doesn’t care about anything, and portrays himself as a person who acts on logic alone. Because of this, the emotions he acts upon aren’t always immediately obvious, or the audience doesn’t perceive them as being intense enough to make him behave the way he does. Therefore, Arlo’s mistakes (namely: targeting John because he feels abandoned and unfairly burdened, and refusing to believe the authorities are EMBER because he loves his aunt) — can be mistaken for a lack of critical thinking as opposed to a strong emotion.

Remi: is probably the least smart by conventional standards, but she sure as hell isn’t stupid. She has good critical thinking skills, she’s able to come to logical conclusions on her own, and she has good leadership. She was probably the first to put together that the authorities and EMBER are connected, and she was the one to realize that the writer of the Kovoro Mall article (Terrence) had been following them (Ch. 52). Not to mention that it was Remi who came up with the idea for the Safe House. However, the most notable facet of Remi’s smarts is her emotional intelligence. Remi is very good at navigating social situations, understanding herself and others, and she is excellent at communication. Highlights include the way she handled the situation with John (being understanding of him, hearing him out and offering to help him, but without compromising her own values), and the way she expressed to Blyke that she wasn’t mad at him but rather, scared for his safety, which was a clear, concise and honest way of explaining a very intense and complicated emotion, which is difficult to do in the heat of the moment.

[n-evermores]

Moonlight Sonata

Alden Parker x Fem!Reader Drabble (fluff)

Summary: Alden helps the reader learn how to play a song on the piano.

Warnings: it’s insinuated that reader has a praise kink.

A/N: It has been a while. This is short, but I decided I’m going to start with drabbles. I wanted to write something like this since we learned Parker could play the piano. I know nothing about playing music so forgive me if I wrote something dumb lmao.

I will be writing a part 2 and yes it will be smut and yes it will be on the piano.

PART TWO

–––☆–::–★–::–☆–––

“I know I have it somewhere…” Alden said from within the greenhouse. You could see him shuffling through a heap of books.

“It’s okay if you can’t find it. I do appreciate you checking though.” You said from the other room. Your fingers traced the ivories of his grand piano, your eager eyes admiring the craftsmanship. 

“I could just show you instead.” Alden said from the doorway, his shoulder leaning casually against the frame. You felt your cheeks flush at the thought of you and Alden playing the piano together. You were still learning and Alden was an exceptional player and offered to lend you a few learning books.

“That’s okay. I can just look it up online.”

“What’s the fun in that? I’ll just show you. What do you want to learn?” He asked, his eyes searching yours curiously. “Name any piece and I’ll see what I can do.”

“Moonlight Sonata?”

“Easy. I can most definitely show you that one.” 

“You know it by heart?” You asked, the corner of your lips tugging into a small smile.

“Of course I do.” He pushed himself from the doorframe and swept over to the piano. “Sit,” He gestured toward the bench. You sat down carefully and scooched over a bit so he could sit beside you. His shoulder brushed against yours and you glanced over at him quickly, realizing just how close he was to you. You could see his eyes more clearly, the green standing out more under the dim lighting. You noted he smelled a bit woodsy–mingled with the scent of fresh linen. 

“So you’re going to start here,” He placed his hands on the keys to show you. You felt yourself become nervous as he removed his hands so you could place yours instead. You put your shaky hands on the keys, hoping he didn’t notice just how nervous he was making you. 

“Like this?”

“Ah-ah,” He scolded lightly, “No.” He reached out to reposition one of your fingers. His touch was warm, and you felt an electric spark sift up your arm and straight to your fluttering heart. 

“Now,” he began, “How familiar are you with notes?”

“I think I’m pretty good in that area.” You whispered and he smiled, “Good,” He said as began to direct you slowly. You followed his direction and every now and then he would reposition your hand, but once things became more complicated, he reached around you to place his hands over yours, directing your hands with his own. You sucked in a breath from the feeling of his beard lightly scratching against your cheek and his chest against your shoulders. 

“Good, just like that.” He said and you felt your cheeks burning hot at his words. He had no idea what that was doing to you. You just knew he could talk you through it. You shifted uncomfortably on the bench, feeling desire begin to gather to your center. 

He moved so he was beside you again and you turned to face him, not realizing just how close his nose was to touching yours. Your eyes met his and you unwittingly licked your bottom lip. “You’re so warm.” You murmured dumbly, not even realizing you said those words out loud. 

He looked momentarily surprised by the way your eyes moved to his mouth and the words you said so casually, but then that surprise eased into desire, and his eyes narrowed in your direction. He said your name, almost as if he was warning you not to tease him. 

“I’m sorry.” You said quickly, your apology coming out in a squeak. You knew the embarrassment was evident on your face and you wanted to sink from the bench and hide beneath the piano. One of his hands was still pressed over yours and you felt a shiver sift down your body as his thumb began to caress the skin over your knuckles. 

Your eyes danced over his face again, and you could feel his breath grow shaky against your lips. Before you knew it, he was leaning toward you and you closed your eyes, your heart beating to the rhythm of the song you were just playing together as you anticipated his kiss.

You felt a soothing warmth encase you as his lips covered yours and you sighed against his mouth. His arms moved around you, pulling you flush against his chest, and you couldn't help but feel as if you always belonged there. You pulled apart abruptly at the sound of your fingers slipping over the keys, sending the piano into a fit. You both chuckled before he closed the gap between you once again, both of you smiling into the kiss.

[linkspooky]

I've followed this blog for years now. What I find most interesting about your analysis is how you tie "revenge is bad" back to your Bad Victims TM stuff. Now, I still enjoy straight revenge stories but I think you helped me enjoy deconstructions/cycle of revenge tales even more than I like the simple stuff. As a convert, I want to ask a meta meta question: how do you feel about people who use straight revenge stories as catharsis?

Well, the idea of Catharsis ties into my bad victims stuff TM. On one hand I dislike straightforward revenge stories where revenge is the solution to the problem and not the problem in and of itself. On the other hand, like I went to great length to explain with Yun, I hate denying the sympathy to a victim who's been pushed so far that seeking revenge is their only means of coping.

In the first place, like I said revenge tends to follow protagonist centered morality. When a protagonist does it, it's justice, when an antagonist does it, it's revenge and they need to let go. Telling someone to let go without acknowledging their hurt feelings and doing something to address those or even reaching out to try to show them another way is incredibly dismissive of those feelings.

Shadow of Kyoshi tells us that revenge is bad, but punishing Yun in the form of putting him down like a mad dog before he hurts anyone else is okay. As I said, what exactly is the difference here between punishment and revenge? Where's the fairness in letting Yun's abusers redeem themselves but deciding that Yun is too far gone to live on. Like hmm, maybe the reason his abusers want to seek redemption and Yun doesn't is because they weren't regularly abused by all their teachers then abandoned nearly killed, dragged into the spirit world for weeks and then denied help when they finally escaped.

Yun has to deal with all the trauma his abusers inflicted on him whereas, his abusers just have to deal with their own personal feelings of guilt. To prioritize their feelings and well-being over the pain of the person they hurt, and criticize Yun's response to his abuse is incredibly tone deaf of the book. If I saw my friend siding with my abusers and insisting that I was the problem I definitely wouldn't want to back down.

All of this to say there is an element to catharsis in every revenge story, to strike back at the people who hurt you. I also think it's wrong to insist victims be morally pure and blame them for lashing out. Especially for people like Kohaku and Yun where they have been pushed so far that revenge is the only thing that's giving them a reason to still live.

I also feel like it's incredibly tragic that Kohaku in particular can't envision any future for herself, or any escape from the pain of being a doll and the only way out of her situation is to hurt others. That Yun feels like all of the things he suffered were for nothing, and his dreams of helping people are all pointless and the only thing he can get is justice upon those who hurt something. That Yun is so damaged he threw away his desire to help people, which was a very significant part of who he is. It's the same with Kohaku, she's a very loving protector, she loves Akiha and Hisui very much but not only does she resolve to kill Akiha (something that ultimately destroys her in the long run) but she also has decided that Hisui is better off without her.

All of this to say that catharsis is an important element of any tragedy. Either individuals seeking catharsis, or the catharsis that's brought about by watching someone like Kohaku or Yun give into anguish and despair. The catharsis of seeing your own internal pain represented on stage. The catharsis of seeing characters lash out like you wish you could, or the catharsis of seeing a character react in a very human way and fall apart when we are often told that we have to be strong at all times and swallow our grief.

Tragedies operate on the principal of catharsis, this is outlined very well in Aristotle's poetics.

Catharsis is a metaphor used to describe the effects of true tagedy on the spectator (derived from the ter katharsis meaning purgation or pufication). The purpose of tragedy is to arouse "terror and pity" and thereby effect the catharsis of these emotions.

While purging something means getting rid of it, purifying something means getting rid of the worse or baser parts of it. It is possible that tragedy purifies the feelings themselves of fear and pity. These arise in us from the frustration of our real lives and the emotions we cannot cope with, which we then can vicariously experience through the characters in the stories we tell.

The catharsis in a revenge tragedy comes from both the horror we feel about the circumstances that pushed a person to their revenge, Yun's abuse by his teachers who he was so desperate to please, Kohaku's years of sexual abuse she had to endure to protect her sister. While at the same time it evokes pity for the people who are lashing out. Even if you condemn Kohaku for hurting others, most people's response is to want her to stop hurting otheres and swaddle her in a warm blanket instead. In fact Kohaku's ending is so sad, because both the reader and Shiki don't want to see a longeterm victim of sexual abuse kill herself because she believes there's no hope in living.

So even when revenge is temporarily satisfying in these stories and evokes catharsis, it's purging you of ugly emotions not positive ones. It's validating to see the hate and anger acted out by characters on the stage, but that's not like a good way to deal with your problems. Most revenge stories have characters at least partially succeed with their revenge. The count of monte cristo takes out most of his targets. Yun successfully kills Jianzhu. Kohaku is able to murder both of her rapists. Toya reveals his abuser's crimes on live television. Then it usually escalates to the revenge spiraling out of control, the Count almost kills a baby, Yun attacks a friend's mother (and he was right for that), Kohaku kills Akiha. Toya blames and decides to hurt Shoto who is completely innocent out of envy.

That's a tragedy though, you asked about the catharsis of watching straightforward revenge stories that don't depict the part two. That begin and end with the revenge, where revenge is the solution. Stories like Kill Bill or Maki Zen'in killing the Zen'in Clan where revenge is depicting as empowering.

I don't really have a problem with those stories even if they don't personally interest me. I definitely understand the enjoyment and escapist fantasy of being Toya and being able to hurt your abusers right back especially in a world where most abusers just get to walk away from what they did with little consequence. I also think there's a fine line between like, revenge, and just standing up for yourself and fighting back against your abusers and people confuse the latter for the former. They also get too preachy and expect victims to remain morally pure, and condemn any fighting back even when it's necessary for their survival.

I watch horror movies and my favorite genre of horror is slasher. Horror movies are known for their weirdly regressive politics at time. When I watch a horror movie I don't think that teens who have sex are morally impure and should be punished. I watch horror movies for catharsis too, to purge myself of fear. Not every slasher movie I watch is a deep analysis of horror, like say how The Shining has a lot to say about addiction and domestic violence. Sometimes I am just watching to see a bunch of teenagers get hunted down by a guy in a mask.

This is again a readily recognizable dramatic form, called the horror story, or in a recent fashion, the mad-slasher movie. The thrill of fear is the primary object of such amusements, and the story alternates between the build-up of apprehension and the shock of violence. Again, as with the tear-jerker, it doesn’t much matter whether it ends happily or with uneasiness, or even with one last shock, so indeterminate is its form. And while the tearjerker gives us an illusion of compassionate delicacy, the unrestrained shock-drama obviously has the effect of coarsening feeling. Genuine human pity could not co-exist with the so-called graphic effects these films use to keep scaring us. The attraction of this kind of amusement is again the thrill of strong feeling, and again the price of indulging the desire for that thrill may be high. [SOURCE]

Of course there's also the matter of genre and expectations. When I'm watching a horror story, I know what I'm getting into. I'm not bothered to see victims like Junpei die in Jujutsu Kaisen (even though I've written like a massive fanfiction AU where he lives) because I know I'm reading a horror story. Whereas, My Hero Academia killing its victims is incredibly tone deaf because it's supposed to be an optimistic manga about heroes saving people.

This is Jujutsu Kaisen, this is the manga gege would write if he were allowed to write in a seinen magazine.

Kyoshi killing Yun doesn't work at all because it clashes with the tone. The same book goes to great extents to redeem one of Yun's abusers who is an adult who chose to do all those things, but at the same time doesn't offer Yun the same chance, an orphaned child. It even comes off as punching down, because Kyoshi who we're supposed to believe is an ally to crimminals and outcasts like Daofei and grew up poor murders another orphaned child while giving a privileged rich noble lady like Hei-Ran a chance to redeem herself.

It's ridiculous that Endeavor faces no legal consequences except being forced to retire due to a career ending injury and still has the support of all of his sidekicks, Hawks and his wife, while Toya doesn't get the chance to redeem himself and gets a slow horrific death while hooked up to life support. Toya who was once again, a child, who was homeless and living on the streets for years while Endeavor was an extremely rich man and made the decision to purchase a bride and abuse his family as an adult.

Honestly, even though I'm against straightforward revenge I was rooting for Toga to kill Hawks because there was no other way he was going to face any consequences for his actions.

If I'm watching The Princess Bride I cheer when Inigo Montoya kills his enemy because I know I'm watching a fairy tale. Kill Bill is my least favorite Tarantino Movie (my favorite is Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, second favorite Inglorious Bastards) but I understand the appeal of people who do like it.

If people want to watch a simple revenge story for Catharsis that's totally fine. My tastes aren't much better my favorite genre of horror is slasher. On the other hand I think the problem arises when people who only watch stories for their personal catharsis or escapism don't allow room for other people's interpretations.

Like, if you don't think Azula deserves redemption because you deeply empathize with the way that she hurt Zuko go ahead. I don't have the right to tell you how to feel about certain characters. Abuse is also a touchy subject and the definition of abuse depends from person to person.

However, if I'm making a logical argument based upon the text Azula would make a logical next step in Zuko's redemption because one, the writing goes out of its way to show that Zuko had a support system in Iroh and the others and Azula never had that same support system. Two, it's a parallel for Iroh redeeming himself by coming to care for Zuko and being that support. Three, it's Zuko showing his emotional growth by giving someone else the chance to redeem themselves just like he was shown that chance. Four one of Azula's main writers Aaron Ehasz literally said that's what they would have written if they got a season 4 greenlit.

If you come onto my post and be like "No, I don't think Azula deserves redemption. Zuko doesn't owe her shit." I can't argue with that.

That's just like... your opinion man.

So, if you read straight up revenge stories for catharsis, I am glad you are reading something that makes you happy. If it helps you feel validated for your emotions then that's great! I just think everyone should be mindful of the fact that people look for different things in stories. I personally don't just read stories for what makes me feel good, I like stories that challenge you. Which is why I like the idea of Zuko having to learn to forgive Azula, because it's more challenging than the simple answer of "Zuko should just cut all the abusers out of his life." If you think that Zuko should be able to cut her off though like I said that's just like your opinion man.

[theobsessedcookiefan]

...early yay-

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Hypnotic..

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Part Three: Deal.

I tried to speak but only bubbles were coming out of my mouth, the cookie in front of me shook his head as he smiled. "You shouldn't waste your breath that fast or you'll lose consciousness and have no chance to save yourself." Save myself? Was there a chance? I raised an eyebrow at that which caused my companion to laugh. "Don't give me that expression, you knew about the dangers of following a mysterious voice." He said as he placed a hand on his chest. "I must say I'm a great actor, I've managed to lure thousands and thousands and thousands of stupid cookies into the trap, they usually give up and leave to die as they can't find their way home but you.. you're persistent aren't you? Even the danger of the water didn't stop you from trying to get there." That was good? I should be proud of myself? Wait... Shouldn't I have drowned by now?

I looked around me, noticing that the dark of the lake had changed, it now looked like something luminescent. It was strangely beautiful, before I could look any further he grabbed my chin to make me look him in the eyes, he looked annoyed now, a somewhat drastic change from the cheerful and somewhat creepy personality he showed before, maybe he was annoyed at not being the center of attention. "Don't get distracted, your eyes always on me, I'm offering to save your life." The luminescence of the lake allowed me to observe him better, his bluish mass and his hair... He wasn't exactly ugly... Especially those eyes of his, they were like two crystals of different shades, but still, they attracted me like a moth to a light.. Shit I got distracted again- I nodded quickly at the mention of "not dying" putting both hands together in an attempt to convince him, again that change in his expression, he looked happy again. "Good! Normally I would ask you for something in return but seeing that you made it this far I think it would be a shame if you died-" He tapped me on the forehead before continuing. "-that would definitely ruin the fun." I unwillingly closed my eyes and a moment later I woke up again, I was in the library again, what happened? The last thing I remember was being about to meet my maker and out of nowhere.... Did I dream it? Maybe. Still I couldn't get out of my head such a cheerful and playful voice... That intense blue color of two shades, I couldn't get it out of my mind.

[Time skip]

Several days had already passed, I still couldn't stop thinking about that blue color that occupied my mind day and night, it wouldn't let me sleep, I had to find out where it was from, where I had seen it. I decided to visit the library again, looking through all the books for a clue as to where that hypnotic blue could be; I found something? Not really, but I did learn about the history of the kingdom, apparently there were five heroes who were falling into madness because of their own powers. It made me have a bad feeling, a very bad feeling...

Days of investigation yielded no information so I simply resigned myself to not knowing anything anymore.

That's what I would have thought if I was a pussy and easy to give up... which I am not! I started asking everyone about it, no one seemed to know anything until a neighbor told me that she had seen when I had gone out at night, she confessed to me that she thought the False Light had already claimed me for having disobeyed the Light of Truth.

"What? I never disobeyed it!" I replied, crossing my arms angrily, to which my neighbor; Red Berry Cookie sighed.

"Of course you did, if you had listened to her warning you wouldn't have gone out late at night into the clearing of the Silver Forest." Silver Forest? I had read about that place before in the library! That got my attention. "And what specifically is there?" I asked, moving closer to my neighbor who became nervous. "You know.. Trees and bushes, the usual stuff in a forest.." I didn't believe a word she said. "Please tell me the truth, I need to know, if for some miraculous reason I am still alive I want to know why." She looked like she wasn't going to tell me anything but sighed. "In the Silver Forest is the Seal that contains the beasts; The Great Silver Tree.... Unfortunately not all magic can be contained and the ancient wielder of the Light of Truth manages to lure helpless cookies into the lake in front of the tree.... Needless to say what happens to those cookies, almost none of them make it and die on the way, but he with every bit of Life Powder grows stronger and stronger, who knows if he will be able to break the seal soon." Wow... That was... Tetric- "And why didn't he kill me there? Because I'm still alive?" I asked, to which she shrugged. "Maybe you got so far and caught his attention and that's not good, you shouldn't leave the village anymore, not until the purification next month"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[winters8child]

It´s been a long, long time

Chapter 5

I put on my prettiest dress and applied the only lipstick I owned, a birthday gift from my mother. It was a deep red with a blue undertone, which she had said complemented my skin tone best. I curled my hair and chose a headband that matched my dress—a headband that was definitely not inspired by the sight of Bucky flirting with a girl wearing something similar. That would be ridiculous.

I placed the biscotti I had baked into a glass dish, hoping that he would like them. Despite my best efforts to ignore her words, my mother’s voice echoed in my mind: Bucky would break my heart. I didn’t want to believe it. After all, he was my best friend. I tried to convince myself that I was different, that I wasn’t like those other girls who had fallen for him. But deep down, I knew I was just as delusional as they were; I just didn’t want to admit it.

Shaking off my mother’s nagging voice, I put on my shoes and stepped outside. I knew Bucky would be at Prospect Park around this time, so I made my way there, my heart pounding in my chest with every step. When I arrived, I saw him sitting on the wooden pier by the lake, engrossed in a book.

He seemed to be completely absorbed in the pages, oblivious to the giggling girls who hovered a few steps away, casting glances at him. It wasn’t until he heard my footsteps that he turned his head and gave me a smile so radiant it could have lit up the entire city. My heart lurched, and I felt a wave of nausea rise in my throat. Was this what having a crush felt like? If so, I was starting to think I might not like it very much.

I sat down beside him, careful not to ruin my dress since it was one of my mother’s favorites. From the corner of my eye, I saw the girls’ faces fall into frowns and pouts as they quickly stood up and walked away, probably because they could sense they were no longer the center of attention.

“What are you doing here, doll? And why do I smell cookies?” Bucky asked, his voice tinged with curiosity.

“I felt bad about missing you on my birthday, so I baked you some biscotti,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady despite the fluttering in my chest.

He looked at me in astonishment. “You baked? Like, in the kitchen where there’s fire and things can blow up? You really made these… for me?”

I bristled at his tone. “Hey, I’m not some reckless fire starter. It’s my grandmother’s recipe, and if you don’t eat one, you’ll be insulting my entire lineage,” I said, trying to sound stern but unable to keep the hint of sarcasm out of my voice.

He laughed, taking a biscotti and popping it into his mouth. “These are actually really good. I don’t know what to say,” he said, reaching for another.

His approval made me happier than I had anticipated. Now I understood why so many girls baked for him.“Thanks, Doll. I’d eat them all, but Steve deserves to try them too. I don’t want him to get jealous that I am the only one getting cookies from you.”.”

“They’re just cookies, Buck. It’s not a love confession,” I said, rolling my eyes.

Bucky looked out at the lake, silent for a moment. “But you know how Steve can be, with his romantic heart and all. I wouldn’t want him to misunderstand anything between us, you know?”

I was taken aback by his words. “What are you talking about? They’re just cookies and we’re friends. Don’t be ridiculous,” I said, trying to mask my growing confusion and disappointment.

Bucky flashed a reassuring smile. “To Steve, they might mean more than that. So let’s pack up and find him. He’ll love these.”

It didn’t take long to find Steve, who was being harassed by two boys from our street, both much bigger than him. They were pushing him around, demanding that he stay out of whatever it was they were up to. As soon as Bucky saw the commotion, he ran towards them, shoving them out of the way.

“What’s going on? Can’t find anyone your own size?” he demanded, stepping between Steve and the bullies.

“Oh, here comes the big protector. Get out of here, or we won’t stop at you or your friend,” one of the bullies sneered, glaring at me as if I were the cause of all their troubles.

Before Bucky could respond, Steve leaped forward and threw a punch, though it barely seemed to faze the bully it hit. The situation quickly escalated, with the two bullies preparing to retaliate. Bucky tackled one of them, knocking him into the other, and soon the three of them were rolling on the ground, Bucky’s fists flying. Steve tried to help, but his efforts seemed futile against the larger boys. The commotion drew a crowd from the neighborhood, and suddenly the shrill sound of a police whistle cut through the air.

The bullies scrambled to their feet and fled as the police arrived. Bucky had a bleeding nose and a swelling eye, while Steve looked bruised and battered, his frail frame stark against the aggressive boys. The police listened as Steve explained that the bullies had been trying to extort money from a younger kid. They seemed incredulous, unable to believe that someone as small and timid as Steve could stand up to the bullies. But I wasn’t surprised. That’s who Steve was—a gentle soul with a fierce determination to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves. I could see the weight of guilt on his face, as though he felt responsible for every injustice in the world.

After the police left, I went back to my apartment to get some ice for Bucky’s bruised eye. I handed it to him, and he grimaced as he pressed it to his face.

“You gotta stop putting yourself in harm’s way, Steve. One day I might not be here to protect you, and what then?” Bucky said, frustration evident in his voice.

“What do you expect me to do? Just ignore it like everyone else? I can’t do that, especially when they threatened Lottie,” Steve replied, his voice steady but filled with emotion.

Bucky’s eyes flashed with irritation. “Of course you can’t ignore it, but you didn’t have to risk your life for her.”

Steve’s face fell, and he spoke softly, “What kind of man would I be if I couldn’t protect the one person who means the most to me?”

Without another word, he turned and walked home, leaving me standing there, stunned and heartbroken.

Next Chapter

[justagalwhowrites]

Lavender - Ch. 25

You bond with a student and try to take matters into your own hands at the clinic. A continuation of Lavender Ch. 1-24 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut! (Unprotected P in V sex - don't be dumb), canon typical violence. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+.

Length: 5.6k

Tuesday, September 14, 2021 - Five and a Half Years Later

“So fucking cool.” 

The small girl standing in the corner of your classroom hadn’t noticed you yet. 

You’d gone down to refill your water bottle at the start of your lunch period, leaving an empty classroom and coming back to find a girl you didn’t know running her fingers over the worn spines of the books on the bookshelf you’d made out of scrap wood and cinderblocks. You just watched her silently for a moment, leaning against the doorframe, as she worked her way to the mural of the solar system you had on one wall. You’d been meaning to touch it up but it kept falling to the bottom of the list of things to get done. 

The girl didn’t seem to mind, craning her neck as she took it in. 

“Strong language,” you said, finally speaking up. She jumped and spun, her eyes wide. 

“Shit,” she said. You smiled. 

“I don’t bite,” you said, pushing off the doorframe and going for your desk. “Though I’d appreciate if you cut down on the swearing in my classroom.” 

“Sorry,” she said. She looked around the room a bit more, her fingers tapping on desks as she did. 

“You’re not one of my students,” you said, sitting down and taking a sip of water before grabbing some jerky out of your bag. 

“How do you know?” She frowned. 

“Well, I know my students, for starters,” you smiled a little. “But also, I’m guessing you’re a year or two young for my classes yet. How old are you?” 

“I’m 12,” she said. “I think, anyway. Not really sure about my birth date.” 

You nodded slowly. 

“So you’re not one of my students,” you said, watching her. “And you’re too young to be in my classes. But you’re in my classroom. So, tiny human, what brings you by?” 

She smiled a little at the title. 

“I had some science questions and my friend told me that I should come talk to you because you were cool,” she said. “And that you’d probably help me find the shi…stuff I was looking for.” 

“Dang,” you shook your head. 

She frowned. 

“What?” 

“Your friend said I was cool?” You asked. She nodded. “Well now I’m going to just have to do whatever you want, my primary goal has always been to make teenagers think I’m cool. Who’s your friend?” 

“Riley?” She asked it more than said it. 

“Dang,” you said again. “Riley’s a good kid, that makes it worse. Alright, what do you want to know about?” 

“She said everyone calls you Doc,” she said. “So are you like a doctor doctor or someone who just got a bunch of degrees and shi…stuff before the world ended?” 

“Doctor doctor,” you said. “So if you have questions about biology, I’m your gal. Other stuff I might need to do some research on.” 

“Oh,” her face fell a little bit. 

“I can do some research though,” you shrugged. “I like research.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yup,” you nodded. “Pretty much the whole reason I became a scientist to begin with, research is fun. So tell me what you want to know about and I’ll see what I can find for you.” 

“I really want to know about space,” she said, sitting at the desk closest to yours in the front row. “It’s just so fuck…freaking cool and huge and we only just started sending people up there before the world ended and we never really got to do anything with it…” 

“Space is very cool,” you said, getting up from your desk and going to the bookshelves. “I lived in Texas for a while. I went to the space center in Houston with a friend and his daughter once. Definitely something to see…. How comfortable are you reading? Do you like reading? Good at it?” 

“Reading’s cool,” she shrugged. “I like comics best but I read other stuff, too.” 

“If I’m grabbing anything that’s too hard, just let me know,” you said. “Any specific questions you have about space?” 

“Mostly what people actually did up there,” she said. “People left the freakin’ planet, do you know how cool that is?” 

You smiled a little. That was pretty cool. 

“OK,” you said, making a small pile of magazines and one book. “These are the magazines I have that talk about space a lot. Give those a read, tell me what you think is most interesting and I’ll find you more about that. Go ahead and make a list about any questions you have, too. Either words or concepts you don’t know or anything you want more information about, I’ll see what I can answer for you and then I’ll find you answers for the rest. And then, for fun, there’s A Wrinkle in Time, a book about traveling through space time. I think you’ll like Meg, she’s the best.” 

You grabbed a clipboard with a piece of paper and a pen on it, handing it to her. 

“I’m afraid I’m going to need your name to loan these out to you, though,” you said. “Put your name, the date, and just write space stuff on the ‘what I’m borrowing’ line, I’ll know what you mean.” 

She took the clipboard and filled it out. You took it back, looking at her blocky writing. 

“OK Ellie,” you handed her the pile. “Think you can come back by a week from today and bring back what you’ve finished? Doesn’t have to be everything, I just like keeping an eye on my library.” 

“I can do that,” she nodded. She glanced quickly at a corner of your classroom where you’d set up some beanbags before looking back to you. “Thanks for…” 

“Want to sit and read in the beanbags unit your next class?” You asked. Her face lit up. You smiled a little. “Go make yourself at home. You can come by here at lunch and read anytime you want, my door is open.” 

“Cool,” she smiled, taking a magazine to the corner and flopping down on the bean bag. You pressed play on the tape deck at your desk, a mix tape that someone had probably made for a girlfriend decades ago but it had a good mix of music to it. You turned the volume down low and read while eating, glancing up at the small girl curled up on the beanbags now and then. 

Ellie read, a serious look on her small face, until the bell rang. She looked surprised that time had passed so quickly but she gathered her things and stopped at your desk. 

“It’s really OK if I just come here at lunch?” She asked. “Riley has a different lunch period than me this year so I don’t really have anyone to sit with…” 

“Of course,” you smiled. “Come by anytime. And don’t forget to take those notes so we can do some research, OK?” 

“Yeah,” she nodded. “Thanks, Doc.” 

You hoped Ellie would keep coming back. She was clearly a bright and curious kid, this school was almost certainly failing her at every opportunity. 

The school had never been great. It was part of the reason why you stayed, you felt someone needed to be invested in the students and their education and if no one else was going to do it you were. But it had been steadily declining the last few years, just like the rest of the QZ. 

A lot of infrastructure that had just been hanging on since the outbreak started to fold around the 15 year mark, more now that you were closing in on 20. It had been two years since you’d last had hot water, the hot water heater in your apartment going out after being repaired half a dozen times in the years prior. It finally gave up the ghost and so, too, had hot showers. Buildings badly needed repair and maintenance and the Fireflies had continued to make things worse by blowing up the stuff that didn’t. 

It seemed like the school you taught at now was just doing what it could to bring students up to be soldiers, not give them a proper education. When you’d started here, FEDRA needed people who could do a multitude of things, so a comprehensive education was necessary. The last few years, they just wanted muscle. Muscle didn’t need to know about the nervous system or the water cycle or the history of the United States. You were half waiting for FEDRA to drop all the pretext and stop educating students entirely. But, in the mean time, you tried to make your classroom a safe space for them, give them access to as much information as you possibly could. 

Your value to the QZ as a doctor gave you some leeway here, too. You were pretty sure they wouldn’t tolerate your methods and would just do away with you if you weren’t one of the few medical resources the QZ had. 

Of course, that value was seeming more and more limited now, too. FEDRA kept cutting back on resources. Most of the drugs that came in were opioids now, hardly anything for actual treatment, just managing symptoms. Tess was checking pharmacies for you on every run now and you were going out more and more frequently to find what you needed - Joel a silent wall who pretended you didn’t exist and you mostly happy to do the same. Even though you caught yourself looking at him more often than you cared to admit. 

Derek was less than thrilled with the situation. He still didn’t know much about Joel - your history became even easier to hide once you started actively avoiding him again - but he didn’t like your leaving the QZ so much. 

“There has to be another option,” he said one night as you were getting ready for bed, your bag packed and ready to leave in the morning. “It’s dangerous out there…” 

“Trust me, I’m not exactly itching to go out there,” you said, rubbing the lotion you’d left at Derek’s house into your hands before climbing into bed. “It’s hardly a picnic. But FEDRA hasn’t really given me another choice.” 

“Do you think other QZs have people out risking their lives to see what drugs they can scavenge?” He asked without giving you a chance to answer as he got into bed beside you. “Because I can just about promise you, they don’t. It’s not reasonable for you to be going out there all the time, you can’t help anybody if you get yourself killed…” 

“Then I’ll just try really hard not to die,” you kissed him. “It doesn’t matter if no one else is out there doing what I’m doing. I just can’t live with myself if I’m not doing everything I can. Soon things will be gone or so far out of date that they’re useless regardless of dosage so this is kind of a finite thing, anyway. But for now we have these resources so I intend to use them.” 

“I still don’t like it…” 

“Can we not fight the night before I leave?” You asked, pressing yourself against him. “I can think of way better ways to spend our time…” 

You kissed him and, at first, he reluctantly kissed you back. But it didn’t take long before his hand went to your ass, fingers sinking into your flesh, pulling your hips tight to his. He rolled you onto your back, nestling himself between your legs as your arms went around his neck, grinding his hips down against yours. You groaned into his mouth as his hands slid down your body to your underwear, hooking his fingers in them and tugging them down, tossing them aside before sinking two fingers into you. 

“See?” You said, grinding against his hand. “Way better than fighting.” 

He just bit your lower lip in response, making you laugh. You shoved his pants down before nudging him into sitting up. You moved with him, straddling him, reaching between your bodies to grip his cock while his thumb rubbed your clit. He quickly added two fingers to your pussy, pressing into you firmly as he kissed down to your breasts, taking a nipple in his mouth. You rose up on your knees just enough to notch his head against your entrance and slowly took him inside you, his face buried in your neck as you did. 

You rode him slowly, rising and falling on him in long, firm strokes as his hands and mouth ranged over your body, his hips pressing up into yours so his cock would bottom out inside you. 

“Don’t want to lose you,” he groaned, his mouth against your throat. 

“You won’t,” you gasped back, your body tightening around his cock. His arms went around your waist, pulling you so tight to him that the only way either of you could move was him thrusting up into you, his face buried in your chest. The tip of him pressed into the place inside you that made your head spin and you came around him with a shuddering gasp, his orgasm not far behind. 

His grip on you loosened after he filled you, his head tipping back to look you in the eye. 

“Promise you’re coming home to me, Love,” he said. 

You kissed him gently. 

“Promise.” 

The trip had been relatively uneventful. You’d run into one group of raiders, but you’d heard them coming soon enough that you and Tess were able to stash yourselves safely away while Joel talked with them and they moved on, no blood spilt. You came home with only a few dozen usable bottles. You knew you had a year, maybe two left of being able to scavenge anything like this at all. You weren’t sure what anyone was going to do then. 

You were still thinking about Ellie that afternoon at the clinic. It had been so long since you had a student seek out knowledge quite that aggressively. You really really hoped she came back. You were going to tell Andrew about her but he just looked exhausted. 

“You practically have a kindergartener,” you teased. “There’s no way you can blame lack of sleep on the kid.” 

“I can blame it on the future kid,” he groaned. “Jess was tossing and turning all night, she’s at the severe discomfort stage.” 

“As a medical professional, I can tell you that all stages of pregnancy are the severe discomfort stage,” you smiled. He glared at you. “But yeah, she’s getting pretty far along.” 

“I think she’s ready to come here, hand you a scalpel and say ‘please cut this thing out of me,’” he said. “She’s so done, wants to have the baby here and skip the rest of the pregnancy and labor part.” 

“If only,” you said. “How is young Miss Elizabeth by the way? I haven’t seen her this week.” 

“Eating everything in sight,” he said. “Think she’s having another growth spurt…” 

“Does she need cookies?” You asked. “Because I can make cookies.” 

You’d become enraptured with Andrew and Jess’ daughter, Elizabeth, from the second she was born. You could watch her do anything and everything, wanted to give her whatever her heart desired. 

Jess had asked for you and Andrew with her when she gave birth and watching that little girl draw her first breath had been one of the best moments of your life, even as it was tinged in the bittersweet thought that you’d never experience that with your own child. They’d named her Elizabeth, after Jess’ mom, but had given her the middle name Sarah in honor of the girl who you’d loved like a daughter. You sobbed the first time you held her, her soft perfection blurry behind your tears.

“I think we will pass on the sugar high, thank you Auntie Doc,” he smiled. 

“Hey Doc,” Kristen hung her torso into the waiting room. “Need you on a consult.” 

“Cookie offer still stands,” you said as you headed back. “If she wants cookies, I’ll make cookies.” 

You could practically hear him roll his eyes. You looked to Kristen. 

“Whatcha got?” You asked. 

“Well, it’s basic,” she said, keeping her voice low. “But there’s a pattern…” 

She opened up the chart. It was for a woman you’d treated before, Penny. Small things over the past few years, a few broken bones, lacerations that needed stitches… You frowned at the locations, the frequency. 

“I see what you mean,” you said. “What’s her living situation?” 

“Just her and her husband,” she said. “But he’s a guard…” 

“Shit,” you sighed. 

“Doc,” she looked at you. “It’s bad this time. I’ve tried to do safety checks before but…” 

“I got it,” you sighed, heading to the door. You knocked once and let yourself in. 

“Hi Penny,” you smiled, forcing yourself to hold it. She’d gotten the shit beat out of her. One eye was swollen shut, there were bruises around her throat. Kristen had already set a broken wrist. “How are you doing today?” 

“Oh, I’ve been better,” she tried to smile but her cut cheek kept it for being too wide. You did a few quick checks, seeing if she had signs of a concussion or internal bleeding before pulling up a stool next to the exam table. 

“So,” you said, looking at her. “Want to tell me what happened?” 

“It’s not that bad,” she said quickly, but her eyes were welling up with tears. “Really, I just…” She started sobbing. “I don’t know what to do, he’s a guard so no one will arrest him, I can’t just leave town…” 

“Hey,” you said, putting a hand gently on her knee. “I understand, OK? We’re going to figure the out. To start, we’re going to keep you overnight at least for observation. Maybe a few nights. Maybe a week. I’ll try to see what we can get worked out in the meantime, but for now, you’re going to be safe and in here, OK?” 

“Yeah,” she nodded. “OK.” 

You gave Kristen a few instructions and went back out to the front. No one was in the waiting room, but you lowered your voice, anyway. 

“Andrew,” you said, standing close to him. “I need you to find Penny’s emergency contact sheet, find out who her husband is.” 

“Yeah, sure,” he said with a frown, going over toward filing. You hovered by the front desk, trying to think of a solution. 

The QZ was small, too small for her to stay hidden for long. You could maybe see if she could travel as a passenger on a convoy headed to Atlanta under a different name. Elias might be able to make that happen. Then it would just be a matter of hoping that no one traveling with her knew her or her husband, especially not the guards. And that you could get her out of the city before he fucking killed her. You sighed. It seemed like things that were problems before the outbreak were just bigger problems now. Like the world had decided to go to shit in the most extreme way it could possibly find. 

You still hadn’t come up with a solution the next day beyond keeping Penny in the clinic for a bit to at least keep her out of harm’s way for now. She was getting anxious, though, certain that her husband was going to track her down and cause problems. 

She was right. That evening, you were in with a patient when you heard some screaming from the entry, a man’s unfamiliar voice and Andrew’s forceful baritone back. 

“Excuse me,” you smiled to the woman you were treating before peeling off your gloves and leaving the exam room. There was a heat in you, building, spreading through your body. White hot, vengeful, righteous. You’d fought for years to make this place safe and someone was threatening it. 

You ducked into a surgical suite on the way and grabbed a scalpel from an area that hadn’t been sterilized yet, holding the handle in your fist like a talisman. You went into the waiting area to find a man in a guard’s uniform - hulking, at least six feet tall - screaming at Andrew, who was standing behind the desk. 

“I will burn this fucking place to the ground if you don’t bring me my goddamn wife!” He yelled. 

“Hey!” You yelled, stalking up to him. He turned his attention to you quickly. “Get the fuck out of my clinic before I make you get the fuck out of my clinic!” 

“The fuck you going to do about it?” He started toward you and you whipped the scalpel forward, slicing the palm of his hand. He hissed, yanking it back in surprise and you took the opportunity to put the blade to his throat.

“That,” you snapped. “Get the fuck out.” 

He scowled at you. 

“This isn’t over.” 

“It is for now,” you said. “Leave.” 

He held your gaze for a second, spittle on his lips, before he stepped back. 

“Fucking kill you too, you little bitch,” he stalked off. 

The second he was out of the door, you looked around. Everyone in the waiting room had cowered back into a corner. 

“Everyone OK?” You asked. No one said otherwise. Andrew just looked at you. 

“Alright,” he said, coming over and putting his arm around your shoulders. “Come on…” 

He steered you into the break room before carefully pulling the scalpel from your hand. 

“You good?” He asked, searching your face. You realized then that your hands were shaking. “Yeah, didn’t think so, where the hell did that come from?” 

“I don’t know,” you were hyperventilating. “I just heard him, I knew it was him, I knew what he was after and I just wasn’t going to let him hurt anyone here on my watch and the only thing I could think to do was that…” 

“Look, I love that you threatened to shank a FEDRA guard,” he said. “That’s the dream. But he’s going to come back and if the guards won’t do anything…” 

“I know,” you were shaking. He pulled you into his chest. 

“It’ll be OK,” he said, stroking your hair. “We’ll talk to Elias, there has to be something we can do…” 

You just nodded into his chest. But you had a different idea, one that you couldn’t afford to bring Andrew in on. 

You ducked out of work a few minutes early. Andrew had volunteered to stay the night to fend off any potential acts of aggression. It made you nervous but he could handle himself. There were weapons on site in case of an outbreak, so he was armed and ready at least. You, on the other hand, walked straight to Joel’s. 

He opened the door quickly when you knocked, frowning when he saw you standing there. 

“Tess ain’t here,” he said. 

“Not here for Tess,” you replied. “Here to talk to you. I’m calling in a favor, think you owe me a few at this point, Miller.” 

He sighed, opening the door and letting you in. 

***

You refused to properly sit down, instead just leaning back against his kitchen counter as he stood opposite you, a glass of whiskey in his hand. 

To say he was surprised to see you was an understatement. You tolerated him on trips outside the QZ but said as little to him as you possibly could. You’d made it very clear that you were done with him. It killed him every time. 

“What do you want?” He asked, as though he would drive some kind of hard bargain. As though he wouldn’t just give you whatever you asked for. 

“I need you to tell me how to kill a person,” you said, chin out, defiant. “In a ‘make them disappear’ way.” 

He looked you up and down. He knew you were in your 40s now but you didn’t look it. Even after all the years in the QZ there was still something soft about you, something safe and warm and kind. You weren’t a killer. 

“Why?” He asked. 

“I have a patient,” you replied. “Her husband damn near killed her. Came into the clinic today threatening to burn the place down if we didn’t give her to him. I had to put a scalpel to his throat to get him to leave…” 

“Tell the guard,” he shrugged, watching you closely. 

“He is a guard,” you replied, shaking your head. “They won’t take down one of their own. He threatened to kill me today as he was leaving… I’ve thought about it and the only way to do this is to kill him. But I’ve only ever shot infected or euthanized people, I’ve never… I don’t know how to do what you do. I need you to tell me so I can do it.” 

His jaw tensed as he strained to hold himself back. Someone had threatened to hurt you - a guard, no less - and you just wanted a guidebook on how to handle it yourself. 

“No,” he said firmly. 

“What do you mean no?” You snapped. “Like I said, I think you owe me a favor or two at this point, Miller, I’ve spent a decade and a half helping to keep you alive…” 

“Derek know you’re asking for this?” He asked, all but spitting the man’s name out. He had no reason to, he seemed like a decent enough guy. He just got to touch you and he hated him for it. 

Honestly, Joel owed Derek at least a thank you. He’d picked you up with Tess from Derek’s one morning to go on a run and Derek had invited them into his apartment while you grabbed something you’d left in his bedroom. There were photos spread out on the kitchen table. Joel caught a glimpse of one of you. You didn’t look like you even knew the photo was being taken. You were folded into a threadbare armchair, a book in your hands. Your hair was a little wild, a ribbon holding it back from your face. You legs were bare, he could just see a hint of tank top and cleavage over the top of the book. Your face was the real draw though, totally absorbed, as though there was nothing outside of you and the page in front of you in the world. He hadn’t seen you like that in years. When Derek turned his back, he pocketed the photo. 

“Why would Derek know?” You asked. “He’s not involved. No one knows I’m asking for this and I’m just trusting that you won’t turn me into FEDRA for it. Tell me how to make someone disappear.” 

“Can’t just tell you how to kill someone like that, Kid,” he said, crossing his arms. You opened your mouth to protest but he cut you off. “What’s his name.” 

“What?” You frowned. 

“His name.” He said. “Give me the name, where I can find him. I’ll take care of it.” 

Your eyebrows knitted together. 

“No,” you shook your head. “I’m not asking you to kill someone for me, I can handle my own shit…” 

“No, you can’t,” he said. “You really think you can just kill a guard? You, who hates killin’ and hurtin’ anything thinks you’re going to just waltz into some guard’s living room and put him out?” 

You glared at him. 

“You’re right,” he said. “I owe ya. I owe ya a lot. Give me the name.” 

“You know what, Joel,” you snapped. “If you don’t respect me, just say so, OK?” 

“Never said I don’t respect you,” he frowned, confused. Ever since you’d found out he’d sent Tommy away, you automatically jumped to the worst possible conclusion about anything he said or did. 

“You respect strength and skill and you clearly don’t think I have any,” you snapped. “I still know you, Joel…” 

“Apparently you don’t if you think I don’t respect ya,” he snapped, closing the distance between you quickly, caging you back against the cabinets. Your breath hitched. “I know you’re smart, I know you’re capable and I know you’re not a fuckin’ killer, let me keep you from turnin’ into one and give me the goddamn name!” 

His body was against yours for the first time in years. You still felt the same against him. He still wanted to touch and hold you in the same places, still wanted to knot his fingers in your hair and kiss you until your lips were swollen with it. You still smelled like lavender. You still would rip him open and destroy him if he let you. 

You slowly reached into your pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper with a name and address. Your eyes never left Joel’s. He took it, stepping back from you. 

“I’ll take care of ‘em,” he said, putting it in his pocket. 

“Joel,” you said softly. 

“You should go home,” he said. “Make sure you’re in before curfew.” 

You nodded once. 

“Thank you,” you said quietly as you turned to leave. 

Joel waited until he knew you were gone to fuck his hand while thinking about sinking into you. What would have happened if he’d kissed you. How he’d have held your face, touched your breasts, fingered you until you came around him. The sounds you made when he ate you until he was drowning in you. The way you felt when you came around his cock as he drove deep inside you, so wrapped up in you that he almost didn’t know where he ended and you began. He came harder than he had in months, the memory of the feel of your body against his so close but so far. 

Joel got an early start the next day, going and waiting near the address you’d given him. He watched a man come outside and shook his head. He was huge, he’d have taken you apart. It would have been almost funny, you thinking you could kill this man without the help of a gun, if he hadn’t threatened to kill you. 

He let the rage fill him then, soaking in the heat of it. Killing this man would be justice. Killing this man would be a good thing. Killing this man would protect you. 

He came along side him, glancing to his name tag before he took his knife and put his arm around the man’s shoulders, pressing the knife into his side. 

“What the…” 

“Shut the fuck up or I’ll kill you on the street,” Joel snapped. “Walk with me.” 

He steered him into an abandoned building, taking him toward the center of it. 

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing,” the man snapped. Joel shoved him into the room. 

“You beat your wife?” He asked. The man just blinked at him in shock. “Say you’re going to burn down the clinic? Threaten to kill a doctor?” 

“That fuckin’ cunt send you?” He snapped. Joel wasn’t sure if he was talking about you or his wife but he didn’t care. “Look, I don’t have any problem with you…” 

“I’ve got one with you,” Joel said. “You threatened her so I’ve got a big fuckin' problem with you.”

“That little doctor bitch?” He snapped. He was getting worried now. Joel liked it. “I’m sorry about that, OK? If that’s your problem, nothing needs to happen with her, I’ll leave her be, I just want my fuckin’ wife back…” 

“That’s not how it works,” Joel shook his head. “I don’t take risks with her, not with pieces of shit like you.” 

The man tried to charge him but he sidestepped him and thrust the knife into his gut, twisting and pressing it deep as the man gasped in shock. He felt the blood spill onto his hand and he pushed the man to the ground. He yanked his knife free as the man gasped and blinked up at him in shock. 

“Now,” Joel knelt beside him. “You’re lucky, You hadn’t hurt her yet, or this would be worse. Sounds like you deserve worse, anyway, but…” he shrugged. “Rather be quick with it.” 

He slit his throat and waited until he was sure he was dead before he cleaned his knife on the man’s clothes and grabbed the blood splattered velcro name tag from the man’s uniform. He pocketed it, gave himself a once over to ensure he’d missed the worst of the blood, and left him there. With the building’s state, it would likely be weeks before they found him, if at all. 

That afternoon, he went to the clinic. Andrew frowned at him. 

“She here?” He asked gruffly. 

“I’ll grab her,” he said, looking Joel up and down for a moment before disappearing into the back. He came out with you and you just froze in the doorway to the exam rooms.

Joel allowed himself a second to just look at you. He’d always liked how you dressed the days that you both taught and were at the clinic - a combination of bright and cheerful for your students and professional and serious for your patients. It seemed most like you. His mind lingered on the feeling of unbuttoning your shirt when you got home, feeling how you melted against him after your long day. 

He wordlessly walked over to you, pulled the name tag out of his pocket and pressed it into your palm. You looked down at it for a moment, running your fingers over the stitching before looking back up at him. 

“Thank you,” you said softly. 

He just nodded once and left before he gave into his urge to touch you. 

A/N: YES THAT'S RIGHT WE HAVE ELLIE! WE'RE GETTING SO CLOSE!

Next chapter will likely be the last all pre-canon QZ based chapter (maybe one more after but I doubt what I have planned to wrap up all the OC QZ stuff will take more than one chapter) and then we will be off on the quest to bring Ellie west :D

(Also note, though it wasn't by name, Ellie heard her first Joel story today, did you catch it?)

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Thank you, as always, for reading and interacting! Love you all :)

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