#and I could not form a coherent thought whatsoever

[whyismangososour]

Dustin definitely has ADHD or is at least neurodivergent coded.

However, what's also important to understand Dustin's character, especially in s4, is his hubris and arrogance. This is a boy who's saving the world since he was 12 years old. At this point, everything is a game to him, which is why he wasn't concerned about Steve and co being stuck in the UD or his plans not working. In the past, everything always worked out for him and his friends, especially his plans. He still doesn't understand the seriousness of the situation until everything went to shit at the end of s4. Until they didn't win and fucked everything up.

Also worth noting is Eddie's influence on him. Eddie, who's telling the party how superior they are for joining his club because they are not "conforming" to society, will have some negative influence on those kids who are repeatedly saving the town in secret but are still treated as losers by their peers. Especially Dustin latched on to this, which explains his behavior in s4. Like his grades were slipping, he abandoned Lucas for a DnD game that they could've played later. Could it be a form of trauma response (if the Duffers intended to actually give a fuck about that) or is it Dustin being told how special he is by his new mentor and the fact that he's a hero who never truly lost since he was 12? I think people don't really understand the Eddie-Dustin relationship pre s4. They were not friends, not like Steve and Dustin.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that eddie and dustin weren’t friends per say — and I’m not just referring to the writing when I say that — dustin and eddie’s actors both have clear chemistry together that they lean into for the script’s sake (and joe quinn has shown he’s not afraid of diverting his acting away from the intentions behind the script lmao) sure dustin looks up to eddie a shit ton and there definitely is more of a mentorship-type of power dynamic that I agree is very different from dustin and steve’s more sibling-like relationship, but I don’t think that negates the idea that they’re friends

for example, one of my favorite scenes in s4 from ep8 was the scene where they’re literally building deadly weapons and eddie begins joking around and wrestling with dustin, clearly trying to take his mind away from the Horror of the situation (which is a common theme in the show .. using jokes and dnd and things from your childhood to cope with and ground yourself during traumatic situations) before telling dustin to “never change” — I’m very biased towards this scene as an older sibling, a babysitter, and a former camp counselor myself because I’ve BEEN eddie in that scenario — just because you have more power than someone younger than you doesn’t mean you can’t care about them and have a friendship with them in your own way

that being said I agree that eddie is not always a good influence on dustin, considering his own problems with his own stubborn ego (like uselessly sacrificing his life for doing things that literally anyone would have or has done in a similar scenario, for example) but — even if their relationship is different — the same could be said theoretically of steve !!!!!!! considering the absolutely shit dating advice he gave dustin in s2 !!!!!! not to mention, he has a whole group of friends that constantly affirm his biases against people who care about “primitive constructs such as popularity” !!!!! eddie is absolutely not the only one here and I think that’s why the duffer brothers are able to get away with the loser/popular kid dichotomy thing so much more than most writers (though it is still worthy of critique)

anyway I think that friendships just are often more complicated and layered than people give them credit for like it’s really not uncommon for a friend to share similar flaws as you or to enable some of your bad habits, both short term and long term, it all just depends on how healthily each party in the relationship can deal with it ya know?

but the example I picked of dustin exhibiting adhd traits I mostly just picked because I thought it was funny lmao sure it probably played a little into dustin’s ego and that could’ve been why it was so damn egregious but I could think of dozens of other examples of dustin having absolute adhd brain rot (and I can say that because I also have it) that have very little to do with his character flaws whatsoever

[tiredtequila]

bouta rant considering the "life is too short" thing we see and hear everywhere, so if you dont like that, keep scrolling.

this has been in my notes for quite some time now so before i get into it, i gotta mention what i think the phrase is about.

i know i will never have enough time to see all of the art in the world. never will listen to all the music, never read all the books, which is just raising my anxiety: i don't have enough time to see all the art in the world so i better make sure that i only read the best books, listen to the best music, look at the best paintings, watch only the best movies (all of that should be the best for me so i cannot accept other people's judgement if that makes sense).

so i was thinking: if we had a longer life expectancy, we would still think that our life is too short. my current life expectancy wouldn't be enough to see all the art ever created. if our life expectancy was longer, the art in the world would be more. and my life would still be too short for me to see all of it.

and i hate thinking about it bc like. give me some more time. i wanna see the drawing with the super realistic faces, and read about a topic i've never put much thought into, and watch a movie with a scene that makes me feel in some way. but my life is too short and so is yours.

this has been in my drafts for so long now but somehow i still think like this and yesterday i almost cried bc i don't get to see all of the art in the world

[jinnxedy]

nsfw content / 18+ / mdni / Leon Drabble

This guy would come back home, stressed out with only one thought running through his mind, that being fucking you nonstop like a madman.

As soon as he walks through the front door, he's looking for you, his eyes desperately trying to spot you. He makes his way towards you, with no doubt or hesitancy, no words spoken and quickly dragging you to your shared bedroom.

Leon rips your clothes in a matter of seconds, having you completely bare in front of him, and he loves it so, so much.

He loves the way your body reacts to his touch, driving him absolutely insane. He loves teasing over your nipples, taking them in between his fingers and just toying around with them, making you want more and more. What he loves more though, is rubbing circles over your swollen clit over and over again, making you beg and whimper with no shame whatsoever.

His boner being pressed right into you, making you grind against it as you two moan at contact. And he can't take it anymore, he needs to be inside you, he needs to fuck you until you can't form a single coherent thought and you just become a moaning mess.

And when he's finally inside you, he's rough, frantic, messy, and yet he still hits all the right spots. The only thing you can hear is the bed creaking, the bed frame hitting against the walls, his moans and groans right next to your ear, and his hot breath on your neck.

The best thing being is that he doesn't stop until he's satisfied, satiated. He could go all night long if he really wanted to.

idk I think I'm in heat

[melodic-haze]

Can I ask about sub Arlecchino being fucked with a strap-on in his office? I love your writing and sub Arlecchino is so... 😩

☆ — DEMO TRACK: sub!Arlecchino x dom!fem!Reader

☆ — TYPE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Mommy kink 😜 aka reader is the 'Mother' figure to Arle's 'Father' ahahahahahah, reader with a strap referred to as a dick, overstimulation, semi-public? It's in her office so

☆ — NOTES: THANK YOUUU OMG I'M HAPPY YOU LIKE MY WRITING ANON❗️❗️SORRY THIS WAS ROTTING IN THE ASKBOX I had to do some stuff 😭😭😭 but it's okay bc I come back with a VENGEANCE

Ohhh dude the thing that just popped into my head you're NOT READY (delusional)

While she thought that battling her own children + the Traveller was the best move, it had kinda very much irked you. "I had trained them, it's fine," she says dismissively at the time when you confronted her and something inside you just kinda! Snapped!!!

If a Father has to have a hard hand on his children, then a Mother contrasts that by giving them a gentle touch

That DOES mean that you are to put anyone who threatens your children in any way, and Arlecchino is NO exception whatsoever

And what better way to punish her than to give her a taste of her own medicine in.. a different context?

One hand grabbing a fistful of her hair as you pushed her head down on the desk and the other clenching onto her hip as you moved her on your length, you're drilling into your lover relentlessly despite the slurred sobs that she had let out.

She had cum so many times by now, you didn't bother to keep count after the third time. Through that, however, you hadn't even entertained the mere thought of stopping, only reluctantly doing so when you ran out of stamina or needed to drink water—it's not as if you let her catch her breath as you did so, with the vibrator you had shoved into her at max setting whenever you needed to step away.

Your assault hasn't relented in the least, no matter how many times Arlecchino begged you to stop, no matter how many times she said to do better, no matter how many times she pleaded for you to go easier on her.

"Why would I give way to lenience when you hadn't done the same?" You mused coldly as you continued to plow into her over and over again, "You deem yourself exempt to my wrath, Peruere?"

You feel her try to shake her head in response before quickly following it up with a slurred defense, "N-No, 'm nn-- mmng! Not.. I--"

You clicked your tongue and gave her ass a loud smack, which earns you a garbled moan from the one underneath you, "You can't even form coherent sentences because of something you initially regarded as an 'unnecessary' action.. but that's okay."

The auditory mixture of her excess of slick between her thighs, your skin coming in contact every time you bottomed out inside of her, the pornographic noises that escaped her lips... It was all downright sinful, something completely unbecoming of her position.

But right now, she didn't care less. Or couldn't, more like, considering the complete lack of thought in her head. The only remaining thing within her mind was you and the way you put her in her place.

And the both of you knew that she relished the feeling of having things out of her control.

"You don't need to answer me," you continued, leaning down to press a kiss on the back of her neck.. before shoving her face down roughly as you straightened back up, "you just need to be put in your place, baby. Understand?"

You actually receive a desperate nod amongst the constant surge of white-hot overstimulation and constant orgasm.

"Good... Just don't resist and let mommy discipline you properly."

As if on cue, she cums again with a jolt, much to your delight.

Wanna fuck her so hard that her juices drip onto the floor and slide down on the side of the desk 😞😞 oughhghghh

There's that RISK of being caught in the midst of your lil session too—you could have it locked all along and while normal everyday Arlecchino would've noticed it perfectly fine, the Arlecchino you have underneath you is wayyyy too fucked out to actually realise in the moment so she's panicking but also? Her arousal is actually RAMPED UP are you kidding me

She won't admit to exhibitionism but there's smth There when she thinks of how the world would know that you have such a powerful Hold on her 🫶

But rn she doesn't care to move, not when her thighs are quivering and her pussy's aching to be filled all over again, practically getting used to the feeling of you inside her

Godddd break her enough and she might not be able to live without you ☺️☺️ or maybe you already have who knows ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️ just saying the moment you donned the title of a Mother was the moment that she was indesputably yours for you to do as you saw fit ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

[asmrrpaddict]

The First Laugh

David sat at his desk going through company paperwork. Something about shift changes or something, he didn’t really care. David was burned out although he could never say it out loud, especially around his pack. Some of them already had their doubts about David taking his father’s place, but he was determined to make Gabe proud.

It had only been three months since his dad died. Three months of paperwork, questions, paperwork, crying, & more paperwork. He never realized how much his dad carried on his shoulders everyday. He knew it was going to be a lot, but not this much.

Plastering on fake smiles and phony laughter took its toll. How do you answer, “Are you doing ok?” Or “How are you?” after losing the person you looked up to the most? David was stressed, exhausted, and unable to form coherent thoughts when he wasn’t working on something for the pack or the company.

By the time David got home he figured Ash would have gone to bed, it was two in the morning after all. He missed his best friend. Sure they lived together and Ash was his beta, but he couldn’t bring himself to just let loose and have fun anymore. He missed everyone. Milo and his new mate, Maria, Jessica, hell he even missed Christian at this point.

With his brain on autopilot he open the apartment door, kicked off his shoes, and hung up his jacket. He turned to see the lights were still on. Asher, come on, turn off a damn light. He thought to himself. He slammed his hand down on the light switch blackening the room. Except a faint glow.

“Oh fuck! What the hell?”

David heard someone shout from the living room. He flipped the lights back on and saw Asher coming around the corner with a water bottle defensively in hand.

“AHH!” Ash screamed as the lights came on and he saw David suddenly standing there. He tossed the bottle instinctively and David caught it.

“Asher, what the hell?” David growled.

“Oh God, Sorry David. You scared the living hell out of me.”

“So you brought a water bottle?”

“It was the only thing I had near by.”

“You’re a fucking werewolf.”

“Oh… yeah. Well, I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t think about that.” He shrug nonchalantly. He reaches in his pocket and grabs his phone, “Holy shit David, why are you just now getting home man?”

“I still had work to do.” He tossed the bottle back to Asher and started walking down to his room.

“I, I would have stayed and helped had I known.”

“No worries.”

“Shut up!” Asher screamed.

David froze and turned back to his beta.

“Did you just tell me to…”

“No, no, God no. Milo’s talking at me through my headphones. You want me to tell him you said hi?”

“Whatever, I’m going to bed. You should too. We have a job tomorrow.”

Asher bit his lip. He’s been worried about his best friend.

“Yeah. Uh hey David. Can you… show me how to beat this thing? Milo and I are playing Destiny and I can’t beat this damn thing. And Milo’s being no help whatsoever.”

“Not tonight Ash. I’m exhausted and going to bed.”

“Awe come on David, just one little mission? If it takes more than 10 minutes, I’ll shut down the game and go to bed.”

I hope this works. Just something to break him out of it. I haven’t seen the big guy really smile or laugh since…

“Fine. One game.” David sighs and holds up one finger.

“Great! Thanks man!” Asher practically sprinted back to the screen.

David plopped down next to Ash on the couch and watched as he tried to win, but he failed… miserably. A little too miserably.

Ash turned off the headphones so Milo and David could hear each other.

And of course, within seconds Asher and Milo were arguing. David sat there taking deep breaths trying not to smash Asher’s tech.

“You’re such a fuckin’ moron Ash, that isn’t the way to do that… what are ya even doin’? You’re going the wrong fuckin’ way! Hold on. Yeah Sweetheart? Nothing’s wrong, just Ash being a fuckin’ idiot as usual.”

“Hey, don’t tell your mate that, they still like me and they’ll think I really am an idiot!”

“Butcha are one.”

David could hear the smug grin on Milo’s face.

“You know what Milo?”

“What?”

“You keep calling me an idiot to your mate and I’ll tell them about the time we went to the movies and you…”

“Hey, hey shut up man! You promised you’d never bring that shit up again. Besides you’re the one who made me eat the nacho cheese, milk dud, chili dog.”

Memories of that day flashed into David’s head. Milo and Tank were playing truth or dare and Tank dared Milo to eat whatever Asher could come up with.

“Hey, I just made the thing. Tank is the one who dared you. Besides, my dad had to throw away those shoes.”

Ash and Milo started laughing. David felt a different feeling in his chest. His shoulders began to shake as he fought back his smile.

“Again, I blame you!” Ma wouldn’t even heal me because she said it was my fault for agreeing to it.”

“Tank dared you to do it! I will share 0% of the blame on this one.”

“I’m gonna beat your ass!” Milo chuckled.

“Yeah well, I’m not even sure you can reach it!”

And that did it. David’s reserves broke. He let out the biggest laugh Asher had ever heard!

“You’re both idiots.” He said still laughing.

Asher’s grin grew almost off his face and he started laughing with him.

“Hey give me a minute, I’m gonna grab a soda. You need anything?” David stood and walked towards the kitchen, still smiling.

“Nah big guy, I’m good. Thanks.”

“Be right back.”

Asher heard the fridge open.

“Good job Ash.” Milo said.

“Thanks man.”

Asher sighed with relief at the sight of David smiling. He felt like he was finally getting his best friend back.

[kaiwewi]

How Not to Interrogate Your Enemy

tw: kidnapping, drugs Synopsis: kidnapping Hero was a huge mistake. All Villain has to show for it is regret and a bad headache.

“I should not have forced those drugs down your throat.”

Villain threw the box with the rest of the Ritalin pills carelessly aside once again. There wasn’t any information on it that might be of assistance to them anyway. They’d checked. Five times, as of yet.

Of course rereading it over and over hadn’t magically changed the words printed on the stupid patient information leaflet either, and yet it had at the very least provided Villain with an immediate distraction.

Mercifully, Hero had finally managed to shut up for longer than their lungs needed to fill with a single breath of air. And not a moment too soon, as Villain almost hadn’t been able to remember what silence sounded like anymore.

Frowning, they rubbed the bridge of their nose. “I’d really hoped it might loosen your tongue and you’d let something useful slip sooner or later.” They sighed deeply. “But instead, you’ve just been babbling about some kind of … philosophical bullshit for hours. Hours! And honestly, half of it makes no sense whatsoever, and the rest …”

Why didn’t Villain have henchmen who could take care of situations like this? All the other villains they knew had henchmen! And lairs with functioning prison cells. And proper truth serums.

Why had Villain been sitting here for more than 20 hours now, in a cramped motel room, all alone with their captured hero?

“Ugh, I don’t know,” they complained aloud.

Hero looked up then, no longer so intently focussed on the ropes tying their wrists and ankles to the chair they sat in. The knots seemed to be the only thing about Villain's stupid plan that actually worked as intended. The rest was a complete disaster.

When Hero opened their mouth, Villain lunged to their feet and grabbed their bottle of water from the table.

“You must be thirsty, right?” They hastily unscrewed the cap and pressed it to Hero’s lips. “Here, you should drink something!”

Just, please, keep your mouth shut!

Their captive gulped down the bottle's contents without hesitation.

In Villain's honest opinion – and given the circumstances – some reluctance to accept a drink offered by an enemy would definitely have been in order. Not that it mattered; this was only water after all. As if Villain would ever consider giving Hero any additional drugs with possibly even more annoying side effects.

They took a deep breath. Then another.

Thankfully, Hero couldn’t drink and talk at the same time, which granted Villain another moment of peace and quiet. When their captive had emptied the entire thing, Villain begrudgingly set the bottle aside.

Pacing the room, they racked their brain for something to say that might convince Hero to let them rest for just a tiny little bit. Having had no more than two or three hours of sleep during the last two days, Villain was so exhausted their mind seemed engulfed in fog so thick they could hardly locate the words to form coherent thoughts.

They needed a break.

“Listen, Hero.” Villain’s voice took on a pleading tone, but at this point they hardly cared about dignity anymore either. “I just want to lie down for a few hours, okay? Please? I know you’ve got all these fascinating thoughts floating around in your head, but—”

“Oh!” Hero gasped. Their face lit up with vigour. “Let me tell you something really fascinating!” they said, way too enthusiastically and much too loud.

Villain flinched.

If Hero had noticed, they didn’t care. Instead, they started a new, insanely fast-paced monologue that, as all the previous ones had, lacked any kind of a core topic or apparent objective.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake …” Villain’s groan was almost a sob.

How much longer was it going to take for the drugs to wear off?

This was torture.

———

For my other stories, visit my [MASTERLIST] ♥

[spamlets]

iterator logs but make them

ROYALTY!!

with crowns ⬇️

without crowns ⬇️

individual ss, some doodles, + some actual (partially incoherent) info about the au below the cut!

rbs appreciated <333

individual ss:

DF

SL

AGS

TR

ATT

UP

small doodles i did for the au haha

more info:

the IL royal au is a silly little au i made up in my head!

basically it goes like this: the ancients created iterators to act as a new form of government in order to prevent govt corruption. cities or “kingdoms” were built around/on top of iterators and rather than them working to solve The Problem, they worked to govern over and make decisions for their people. the societies of these ancients were just as technologically advanced as in canon rain world. dont ask about The Rain (TM), i havent thought that far ahead yet.

cue mass ascension, i havent ironed out the details of that whatsoever but all the ancients die out leaving the iterators on their own (*cue fallen kingdom playing*). perhaps it’s on purpose, perhaps it’s a plague (this one could be pretty interesting actually)

distant frontier does his thing, creates an army of scavs or vultures or whichever else creatures he uses (i think he uses both but i could be remembering wrong) and breaks from his corruption-taboos, which is ofc a spin on the self-destruction taboo and would prevent him from expanding his domain/absorbing other kingdoms.

now the big thing here is that this was originally intended to be entirely centered around toxic yaoi (tr x df) which is partly why their clothes match (also because in general they share a lot of character traits and imo are kinda mirrors of each other in a way). that’s why i dont have much fleshed out—in the beginning it was just “king df and king tr marry and are gay forever” and whathaveyou, but then i thought about it harder and was like OH!!! this could actually be cool!!

if i go the plague route, perhaps tr had a colony of ancients still living inside his structure, but a new strain of the plague infected his people as he began to prepare for war against paradise. or maybe while trying to remove the corruption taboos he gives himself the rot like in il canon but it also ends up spreading to his citizens :headinhands:

this is all just vague ramblings for now, nothing coherent besides a few very striking mental images inside my head:

- tr lying on his deathbed surrounded by rot, the only shining thing in view being the gilded crown resting on his chest

- df on a throne wearing multiple crowns, tr bowing at his feet with a sword against his neck

- df with his artificial legs crossed at the ankles, his sword resting at his side with his karma symbols engraved into the blade

- unbroken promise with his forehead to the ground, surrendering himself and his kingdom to df after his queen ascends

- silent light standing guard in front of an endless library, only half-aware of what he’s guarding and what for anymore

- att practicing sword drills at dawn, falling asleep while standing up, leaning their chin on their sword pommel

but yeah! the basic premise is:

instead of creating iterators to solve the Great Problem, they create iterators to solve government corruption. each kingdom is built with an iterator as its ruler, with careful anti-corruption-taboos set in place to prevent them from acting maliciously towards their citizens, expanding their domain, or going to war. the entire kingdom and its walls are the body of the iterator, but theoretically worm off the string is possible because im a sucker for it and also i can imagine sometimes needing to meet up with other iterators in person for social gatherings because again im a sucker for classic royal au shenanigans 🤷

id like to personally apologize to daszombes sorry for being so autism over your characters i just think they’re neat

[kursed-arcana]

Digimon adventure 02 The Beginning Review: All Filler, No Killer

I wanted to love this movie. I was well aware of people’s complaints going into this, but I still expected the best. I was wrong. I went in expecting a coherent and compelling narrative, instead it was all filler, no killer.

This movie is sadly a waste of the 02 cast. While marketed as their revival film, their presence was little more then window dressing to another chosen child’s story. Not a single 02 cast member made a contribution to the plot that could only be made by them. Not a single 02 cast member received a character arc in the film. The most focus and effort put into showing their lives as adults was the opening montages of the film. While a beautiful opening it was, it was not enough to make this film worth watching for any digimon adventure fans.

Not only did this film not focus on any of the 02 digidestined, it did not address or mention the plot of last adventure kizuna and its major reveal (unless a certain single line of dialogue in the closing narration was meant to imply kizuna’s reveal is now meaningless, despite never even being mentioned in the film prior). Instead we were treated to another story about a new oc crammed into the franchise, cough male Meiko cough. For every complaint people had about Meiko’s focus in tri, this movie did it worse. She had 6 movies, so at least the focus on her was spread out and the 8 characters the audience is invested in had character arcs, that is not the case here. Instead , we were treated to a story about another digidestined. Another claiming to be the first, which we were previously lead to believe we saw in tri, which was a weird retcon to begin with, then we met the first child to lose her partner in kizuna, and now we meet a new special snowflake, with his new special digimon that apparently is responsible for the partnership between all digidestined and digimon, and maybe even the death of his parents (lol). Not only is this insulting to adventure cast, but fans as well. When will they realize, we don’t need shocking reveals that contradict previously established lore, but meaningful character arcs for our chosen children and to see their partner digimon reach new digivolution heights.

The director of this film possibly thought he could recapture the magic of the first 02 film, but what makes that film more enjoyable is the fact that it came out during 02’s original release and not decades later. And while Willis was a primary character, the main cast still had plenty of chances to shine. Like gatomon and palmon suddenly reaching mega with no build up whatsoever lol.

This film contributed nothing new for our 02 cast. No new mega forms, or even their ultimates, new new levels for DNA digivolved Silphymon and Shakkoumon, not even the chance to see the digiegg of kindness in the anime for the first time. Hell, armor digivolution never even got mentioned, but at least we revisited the computer lab.

Not to mention that after all these years, there are still plotlines left unresolved. The dark ocean still hasn’t been explained, despite being brought up in tri and claiming Maki Himekawa, nor has its ruler Dragomon, or what happened to Daemon once he was stranded there and the fact his presence alluded to a plotline with the 7 demon lords. These dangling plotlines would have been perfect to address in a 02 movie or series, instead we got something less meaningful then a shounen filler movie (like the original 02 movie). At least those typically allow for their cast to shine despite focusing on original characters.

The 02 cast deserve their tri movie series, or even their version of kizuna. They needed to regain the future they achieved at the end of 02 that got retconned away, despite the epilogue still apparently being canon. They deserved character arcs, and some damn confirmation on takari after all these years. I wanted to see them overcome obstacles, to achieve their dreams. Instead I endured a meandering story for a new more chosen then all the rest of the “chosen children”. Can the people behind the digimon movies please stop trying to one up each other now?

I encourage all digimon fans to still watch the movie. If we want to see the adventure and 02 cast again, we need to support the series, but we also have to let our complaints be known, in order to encourage a better outcome in the future. While this film is a waste of the 02 cast, it is still nice to see them again, even if their presence felt more significant in their brief subplot in kizuna. At least we have confirmation that they’re still making progress towards their dreams, still hanging out and still hoping for a brighter future with their digimon. What little we got of them interacting was still nice, funny and even heartwarming at times. And if you’re a dub fan, at least we got Brian Donovan back as Davis one more time. Weird they let him reclaim the role but not Lara Jill miller for Kari, even though Tara Sands is still great.

Until next time digimon fam, stay Prodigious

(If you like my review and have my anime list, please follow the link and like it there. Id like to gain alittle traction as a reviewer and its always nics to be able to see if my writing is appreciated)

P.S. And To Lui, the saddest chosen child in all the land

[fischerbees]

Bite Me!

click to help palestine before reading

a/n: sorry, I had to rewrite a part of chapter 7 because inaccuracies :/

[word count: 2706]

IX. Stir

It should not have come as a surprise to him when he could not fall asleep that night, considering his on-going unfortunate streak of restless nights. Was it too bad to wish for Zane to give him whatever he gave him again so he could pass out?

It was probably better than all the crazy thoughts swirling inside his mind. Not even the pre-sleep workout could help him reach some clarity, or peace at least, as it usually did. He had to cut it short because everything was getting too much.

His stupid brain was too much.

He was never as sceptical as certain siblings, nor was he a passionate believer like a certain motormouth �� the closest he got to him was with his hopeless romanticism. And the closest he got to the Smiths was with what he deemed to be enough common sense to call out obvious bullshit.

But the longer he spent inside his own head, the more all of the crazy, jumbled puzzle pieces began to form into a proper shape. The more the (mis)fortune wheel of his thoughts spun, the more he wanted it to stop but the more it went on. And it was still mere hours since Zane let him out of the infirmary. It was the longest day and night ever.

Cole had no reason to believe any of his own crazy ideas and yet he spent the restless night marking all the full moons in his calendar.

He had nothing to hide and yet he tucked away a notebook to note his symptoms, write out every piece of so-called ‘evidence’ that would enable his twisted mind – the fact that he could not close his eyes for just a few hours being near the top.

He had nothing to worry about and yet he fussed over getting himself some alibi for the next time but there was simply no way his thoughts were making any sense whatsoever! Everything was coincidental, just his shit-for-brains luck getting another laugh.

A werewolf? Him? A werewolf! Werewolves belong in fairy tales! Fantasy books and movies, stories for the ones bored of the limits of their world. Plus, he was not bitten by a werewolf and that is how people get turned. No, he was bit by a wolf. A regular old wolf, nothing weird about it.

But the scar just would not stop tingling in the moonlight.

It was pure nonsense. Maybe he was friends with Jay for too long. Maybe he suffered some consequences of the terrible blood loss and sudden recovery. Perhaps he should go to Zane and ask him for reevaluation, clearly he was not healthy at all. Not at all. Not one bit. He lost it! After years of the most insane parade of events and weirdos with murderous intents, he had finally lost it!

Everyone was told the same tale – No, I do not remember anything from the night, just so much pain and then waking up all bloody.

And it wasn’t a lie. Because all the blurs, the running, the fear, the confusion, those probably weren’t any coherent memories. Just sparks of his imagination. Perhaps standing on the ledge between life and death.

So what if his bones hurt just like when he got his growth spurt just enhanced tenfold? So what if his muscles were rather stretching than being torn apart? None of it meant anything, he was delirious.

Then why could he not tear his eyes away from the night sky? Why could he not stop checking the date of the next full moon? Why was he being so spooked over something so absurd?

No matter how much he tried to reason with himself, there still remained the tiny voice, the very quiet but restless voice, telling him the opposite. There was no concrete proof, nothing that could give him any reason to believe it besides the night of his accident being a full moon night. But why would he attack himself? No, nothing made any sense.

And yet, for some godforsaken reason, the idea would not slip his mind, would not let go, as if something was trying its best to convince him.

Nope. No, it is not true, he would argue with himself.

But it is, the part he had no idea of would supply.

If only he could talk to someone about this but how could he go around doing that?

‘Hey, I think I might be a werewolf and when you found me almost dead, that was actually my fault, I did it to myself. And from now on, every full moon until the day I die, I will go through the same thing.’

Through all the pain that still reverberated through his bones…

This whole ordeal was a stupid joke. He was being a ridiculous idiot and he needed to get his act back together, get over it. 

“Visit your Dad?” Lloyd echoed, turned to him, bleary-eyed and with a freshly filled bowl. He was off-balance, exactly what Cole needed. Just strike and disappear before they realise what happened. What could be suspicious about visiting family anyway? “Yeah– I– guess there's not a problem in that, but where did that come from?”

He prepared his story with care, thought of every possible detail he may need. Not that there was anything suspicious about this or any ulterior motives. “I dunno, I guess the accident got me a little sentimental… I haven't seen him in ages. And, you know, the Day of the Departed is kinda around the corner too, so… I just had a feeling I should go see him. We thought by the end of the month could be good, so I wanted to make sure it wouldn't be an issue.”

“By the end of the month? You sure you don’t wanna go sooner? You know how things are around here, one moment the world is peaceful as ever, and the next shit hits the fan.”

“He’s busy.” Was he perhaps too eager? Lloyd stared at him like a disturbed cat from a dark alleyway, his penetrating gaze so similar to that of their Master, it was uncanny. Good thing the master of mind was not on their team.

“Oh. Okay. Yeah, sure, dude, if you want, you can go. Unless there's some emergency, I don't have  a reason to hold you back.”

“Thanks, Greenie.”

“Yeah… No prob.” Lloyd remained standing frozen by the kitchen counter, watching after Cole as he left. Shaking his head, he tried to move on and enjoy his breakfast. He didn’t even get to dig in and the sake of his sanity was at stake once again. “Everybody here is so goddamn weird,” the green ninja muttered to himself.

__________________________________________

Carrying on with the phenomenon of everyone acting like complete nutjobs before Lloyd could even rub the sleep from his eyes, he found himself standing beside Kai, eyes glued to those two glowing pairs.

“Kai.” He leaned to the side his brother stood on, too wary to look away. “The nindroids are staring at me,” he muttered carefully as if any sudden move or loud sound would make them start like wild animals. Kai did not bother trying to contain or hide his smirk.

“This oughta be interesting.” He crossed his arms, rocked on the balls of his feet, the smirk slowly changing into a shark-like grin. So it appeared today was not a good-big-brother day. Was this revenge?

“You vowed to protect me.” Lloyd's jaw was clenched and tone desperate. World saviour or not, two scheming nindroids turned him back into the scared, young boy with zero effort.

“Those two always have the greater good in mind. Who am I to stand in the way of that?”

Risking getting those two out of sight, Lloyd turned his head to Kai, scowling when the hothead didn’t move an inch to face him. “Just in case – my blood is on your hands.”

“Fine by me; red’s my colour anyway.” Kai was making a grave mistake; he had no idea what fate he was tempting. After all, it was him who taught Lloyd all the necessary life skills – holding a grudge being in the top five.

“Lloyd.”

“Yeah?” This time he answered them while staring at Kai. ‘Last chance, drop the lifeline,’ his eyes were screaming only to get shamelessly ignored.

“We came up with a theory…”

“However, to explore it further and test its accuracy, it would require the presence of an oni.”

“All right.” That made his attention turn. Lloyd's eyes shifted between the two. “What sort of theory?”

“Cole’s abnormally quick recovery brought up many questions. Until he himself mentioned the fall.”

“We have no understanding of the oni smoke besides its dangers.”

“And you need me for that?”

“Well, a pure-blooded oni would perhaps provide the most satisfying results but seeing as the whereabouts of your father are unknown…”

“I’m so glad to be your first and only choice.” Lloyd could feel the sarcasm dripping off his own words. Although the nindroids remained their usual, unfazed selves, their stares made him feel bad for being so salty.

This was for the good. Cole was obviously bothered by it all, maybe finding some answers would help. Even if it meant he has to play lab rat.

“So, what does it entail?”

“If you give us your consent, we would like to run a few small tests. Nothing huge, just some DNA sampling, blood tests, we need to see how the regenerative system operates.” Zane was nodding beside her, both intensely staring at Lloyd.

“So just a wacky appointment at the doctor. Cool.” He sighed, shoulders slumping – defeat. “Do I even have any other choice?”

“You can always say no, we do not want to force you into anything you’re not comfortable with.” Their relentless staring seemed to say otherwise. And knowing them, they were more than aware of this. Must be. They were too smart even when they were playing dumb.

“Fine, yeah, whatever.”

“Sensei Wu offered his assistance if you'd refuse.”

“And you're telling me just– He has more oni blood than I!”

“But you went into contact with the darkness.”

Lloyd furrowed his eyebrows in thought.

“We could also use samples from a regular human for comparison.”As if they choreographed this whole thing (and to be fair, they didn't need to), Zane and Pixal turned to Kai with those not forcing but obviously expectant looks.

The red ninja did anything but reciprocate their eye contact.

“Uh, you know, that sounds exactly like something Jay would kill for. I'll fetch him for ya.” And he was gone in a flash. Lloyd could swear there was a second or two when his dusty silhouette remained in the air where he vanished.

“Then it's agreed. We shall meet at the infirmary in fifteen minutes.” Pixal’s tone and smile spoke of friendly plans for a hangout. As if there was anything normal about their conversation.

__________________________________________

Pixal pulled him aside just as he was eyeing Kai, who seemed exceptionally content for the first time since their stupid argument. It was the perfect opportunity – Kai was all alone, a tiny, adorable smile plastered on his lips. The fact that he was preparing some food for himself played even better into Cole's cards. Full stomach is a happy stomach, that he knew well. He could just go and smoothen it out.

Until she tore him out of his thoughts just as nature documentaries popped up in his mind – which was for the better, when he considered it, because the last thing he wanted right now was to compare Kai to prey and himself to a lurking predator.

Bad brain. Traitor thoughts.

“What’s going on, green eyes?” And that was how he found himself stuck back in the infirmary with a whining Jay, and Lloyd, who kept eyeing the nearby needles as if they murdered his family.

As much as he would like answers to how on earth he survived, getting under the nindroids’ microscope was not something he needed at the moment.

For once he welcomed Jay's incessant ramblings as they kept him from getting locked up a little too deep inside his own head.

“I can't believe that jerk lied to me.”

“I can't believe you trusted him,” Lloyd shot back, his expression supplying for the absence of Nya. That managed to pause the lightning bolt for about a second before he got around it and rambled on.

“Okay, fine, maybe that's on me. I shouldn't’ve assumed technology is a sacred topic we don't lie about. What a low blow! Such a jackass.” Then he shot Cole a pointed look, as if Kai being… well, Kai, was his fault.

“Jay, you do know you can just say no if you're uncomfortable with this, right?”

“Pshh! As if you can say no to those two when they make up their brilliant minds! Can you just bat your eyelashes at him a few times so he's not such a bitch anymore, please?”

One of the things Cole should have anticipated was that Jay would treat his secret with as much care as he did his own life. Aiming scowls at him was to no use as well since he was already busy complaining again.

“He put chilli in my cereal, who does that?”

Lloyd's groan filled the momentary silence before Jay could. Throwing his head back, Lloyd spoke, exasperated, “Can we shut up about Kai, please, I'm so sick of it, you're like a broken record. Why didn't you ask him to be your yang if you're so obsessed?”

“I don't even want to imagine the explosion those two would set off if they were to organise the ying-yang ceremony.”

“Nya didn't say anything about fireworks yet. Or about the dozen of white doves, for that matter, so…”

Pixal's voice cut through, pulling them all out of their own visions of the massacre of a ying-yang ceremony. It always proved easier to be surrounded by people who would keep you out of mind's shackles.

“That’s right, Kai.” She looked up, locking eyes with Zane. “We’re forgetting about Kai.” Lloyd outright whined while a wordless conversation ensued between the two. Jay's incoherent demands for an explanation remained unanswered, so Cole took it upon himself – earning their not at all unsettling attention.

“What about Kai?”

“You and Kai!” Zane exclaimed while still keeping his volume as usual. “I can't believe we forgot – you and Kai both got attacked by wolves when we were sent to pick up scrolls for Master Wu.”

“Yeah. So?”

“That was the same case,” Pixal supplied. “The both of you healed practically overnight.”

“And since Kai never came in contact with the darkness…”

Despite his eye being ready to roll all the way into his skull mere moments ago, Lloyd joined in. Team leader mode back on, thoughtful look replacing the frustrated frown from his childhood.

“Perhaps the question isn't why you heal so fast. Maybe it's about what attacked you.”

As naked and exposed as he felt under all the undivided attention, Cole had to keep his cool and steady composure. Do not crumble. Not even a twitch.

If they were going to look into this, Master knows how short-lived his secret would be.

Not that he had anything to hide, where did the rock-solid conviction keep coming from?

“I mean, they were just wolves…”

“Just wolves don't leave wounds that heal in the matter of a few hours,” Pixal argued. And when Pixal argues, it is a long-lost battle.

That fact did not stop Jay from chiming in with his tuppence. “But if it was the same thing, wouldn't that mean it had to follow us all the way here? We flew with the Bounty from Ignacia! Even farther than that!”

“If they can cause these strange injuries, I have no doubt that wouldn't be as much of an issue.”

With a sigh, Lloyd decided, “Let’s go get the rest. I don't think we can figure out anything useful stuck in here.” He was the first to hurry out of the room, not even trying to hide the look he shot towards the needles, which did not get a chance to shine this time.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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[imaaa]

there are days when there is nothing to say, and everything is smoothly sailing. and then there are days when you can’t make out what your mind wants to say because there’s too much to make peace with. i can’t count the number of times i have chanted in my head that i wish i were not here, but the worst part is i don’t know where else i’d rather be.

i already had a 4-hour evening nap that even if i want to escape this state of mind by sleeping, i cannot. i am anything but sleepy. i genuinely wish that were not the case. weighing the options, i think it’s better to sit with my laptop and put this sadness out than be wrapped in the blanket and think of everything that’s too difficult to comprehend. i wish i had not been told love’s the cure to everything. now, i keep on looking for it even if it’s so out of reach. i never feel like i am putting enough effort, and perhaps that’s true. or maybe i lack acknowledgment whenever i put in a substantial amount of it.

where do i belong, or what defines my personality? i wish i had some interests i was deeply passionate about. a singer, a director, an author, an actor, an artist, a game, a subject, a genre, an activity, something i could call a core part of my personality. someone or something i had all the knowledge about. something that would make my eyes gleam when the name would be mentioned. writing is there, true, but it is all so ambiguous. i wish i were interested in something that had facts, figures, knowledge, and absolute admiration. anyway, i want to fall in love and know what it is like to know how one defines it. i don’t say or accept this too often, but i yearn to know what love looks like. i would love to describe it in actual words. fictional representation of love all this while hasn’t been enough.

i am talking too much, bringing a new topic - a new sentence - without completing the previous one. are all my thoughts connected, or are they unrelated that putting them together doesn’t make sense whatsoever? this piece of writing would score so low if it were a part of an exam. it is not coherent and doesn’t have any consistency, either. the good thing is it’s not a write-up for an exam where it would be graded. this is me in my rawest form. perhaps many would not approve, just like many professors won’t approve this write-up, but it’s fine. it’s fine because i have nothing else to say to make myself feel better.

[takeyourcyanide]

I wish I could just be allowed to suffer. I wish I didn’t have to repress every “paranoid” thought I have when I’m forced to be around others. I wish I didn’t have to interact with people as though I think they’re real, or as though I don’t think they’re planning to try and harm me in some way. I wish I were allowed to simply sit still and stare, not speaking, hardly breathing. But every time I’ve gone into the odd state of mind that causes me to do as such, people either get annoyed with my lack of responding, or they pretend to be worried and think I’m sad or upset, even though I don’t feel anything of the kind. I typically feel nothing at all in that state. Just an empty feeling. Perhaps anguish or paranoia at times, but mostly nothing at all. Just hollowness. I wish I were allowed to give up entirely, as I’ve sort of tried before. But the last time I stopped doing schoolwork (for example) completely, they just wouldn’t stop lecturing and yelling at me for doing something that is apparently “below me.” I now just half-ass my way through school while maintaining a 4.0, since my only way out is through university. But then they’ll just bother me, too. I just like science. It’s probably the only thing I have any passion for whatsoever. My special interest. (Despite my curiosity often leaving me for a little while because of my foggy brain that can’t exist properly) But then they’ll bother me too. I understand that the supposed “worry” is coming from a kind place, but if you speak to me, please don’t expect me to respond. It’s not because I’m not listening, or because I’m made, or don’t like you. I almost don’t feel “allowed to,” per se. It’s a weird headspace in which my mouth and body don’t want to move very much, if at all. It’s either nearly complete stillness or constant and excessive movement for me. It’d be nice if they’d recognize how difficult it is to work and try to have some sort of life (I’m failing miserably at this) whilst having to constantly check all around you because you could’ve sworn you felt and saw someone behind or beside you - or while the two halves argue and bicker and scream, or while hearing weird noises and whispers and breathing and ringing and ahsoowmdkspwlsmwm and it’s hard to tell if it’s real or if it’s not and idk

Anyways I’m trying to work on two fics! Trying to form a coherent story can be difficult at times, but I enjoy writing!! ^^

[yuksterv2]

Supernatural Disasters - Wanda x Y/N

Y/N Everdeen was apart of the infamous superhero group: The Avengers. Despite the negative slant the team had been getting, she didn't mind it one bit; it was one of the only joys of her life. Outside of the compound's safe and secure walls, what was there for her, really? A dead-end job with no fulfilment, only to die without having accomplished anything whatsoever- no thanks. With this new lease she had been given not even a month ago, well, she was determined not to let it slip.

She spent most of her time attempting to grasp her powers as they were still very much youthful; Y/N had exhibited powerful abilities since she left the womb, but didn't think much of it. Everyone seems to have superpowers now, right? It was only then that, just shy of a month ago, a man with a dark complexion and an eye obscured by a patch changed her mind. Whilst some may possess minor quirks or have the smarts to enhance themselves, most didn't have the ability to level an entire village in one fail swoop. A great shame, that was.

The man, whose name was apparently Nick Fury, offered her a conditional place on the team, and Y/N accepted. It came as a no-brainer, really. When a multi-million, possibly billion, dollar company approached you, you'd be hasty to take it, too. Y/N couldn't lie, money wasn't the only factor, but it was also to home in on her abilities, of which they were increasing with each passing day. Despite what you may think, that is not necessarily a good thing.

You see, new powers meant accidents- accidents meant messes- Vision does not appreciate messes. You would think, for a supercomputer with a literal Infinity Stone embedded into him, that he'd understand, but no; neither of them could seem to find neutral ground. They were stuck between a rock and a hard place perpetually, it seemed. Aside from the curt robot, she knew no-one. Sure, she knew Stark, that was a given- everyone else…

Two monitors seamlessly began to hover in the air, their solidity dwindling as a hot liquid oozed from them. Soon, they were mere puddles on the ground, seeping into the carpet. You 'ought to fix that fast, or risk another argument- your, what is it now, third of the day, Y/N? With a flick of her wrists, both monitors solidified, transitioning perfectly back to their prior forms. Then, with a look of mild amusement, Y/N whirled her fingers in a circle, and both shifted, appearing to swap places; the ability to shift manner- it was one ability of many.

"You're pretty good at that," came a strong female's voice, her Slavic accent clearly showing.

Y/N glanced at the doorway to where, low and behold, a woman was standing, her arms at her sides somewhat timidly. She was watching, an expressive, yet shy smile on her face. How long had she been there, and who was she- Wanda Maximoff, of course. Y/N was on a known name basis with everyone who resided in the compound, only they didn't know her name, nor were they aware that she was always nearby watching. Call it creepy, she'd call it being observant, and when had that ever hurt anyone?

"Well, yeah, I'd hex myself if I was anything but extraordinary by now," Y/N said, evoking a quiet laugh from the ginger-haired girl.

"It's a good thing you're anything but, we'd be wheeling you out of this building on a stretcher if that wasn't the case," Wanda said, hovering awkwardly by the doorframe; she looked like she wanted to say something.

My name is...Wanda Maximoff- you probably don't know me. You might. Sorry if that came off as blunt, I didn't mean it to be.

Y/N concentrated, managing to piece together somewhat of a coherent thought in Wanda's mind; it wasn't mind reading- Lord, no. It was, well...

"My name is Y/N Everdeen," she introduced herself through a limp grin; Wanda looked somewhat startled. "Here, now you can tell me your name, Wanda, " Y/N said tauntingly.

"You can read minds?" Wanda questioned, suddenly appearing more anxious than she was before.

There was the question- going to answer it?

Y/N shook her head, "No, not exactly; I can peer into someone's eyes and extract what it is they desire most in that moment."

"Oh..." Wanda said breathlessly, clearly relieved. "Thank you- for doing that, I mean."

"What can I say, I'm a gentlelady and I like to take advantage of the bourgeoisie," Y/N said, attempting a posh, prim-and-proper accent, though she knew it was all but destined for failure.

Wanda's stiff joints had seemed to ease, loosening as her face became less strained and more full of expression; it was a good look on her.

"So, you're fancy? " Wanda asked, squinting her eyes at Y/N. "What is that accent?"

"I was born in Oregon, but me and my immediate family moved around a lot, so I guess I sort of picked up all sorts of things on the road- they merged together into, well, this," Y/N said, gesturing to her throat. "These instruments of harmony."

"Yes, it is a very nice accent- unique," said Wanda, grinning somewhat mischievously- she seemed to croak nervously midway through. "Matches the girl."

For some reason, this made Y/N's cheeks turn a shade redder. "Speaking of accents- yours; it's Eastern- Slavic, right?" Y/N asked, and Wanda nodded approvingly.

"Sokovian," Wanda answered, closing the door behind her bashfully, aware of the six foot tall supercomputer that had just phased into the adjacent room. "I'm surprised you know so much about me, we almost never see you leave your room," she said, and Y/N shrugged.

"I'm not a people person, and so I'd rather devote time to controlling my abilities, you know, so Nick doesn't fire me?" Y/N said with a laugh, and Wanda joined in.

"I understand, I'm the same," Wanda said, hands behind her back. "I'm not a complete social recluse," - Y/N gasped dramatically at this - "but I do spend a lot of time alone watching the television."

Thoughtfully, Y/N shimmered to the side, patting a spot next to her on the edge of the bed whilst glancing up at Wanda expectantly. After a moment of indecisiveness, Wanda finally made her way over, sinking into the bed.

"So, what type of media do you consume on a daily basis?" Y/N asked, feeling her posh alter-ego take over briefly for a moment.

"Mainly sitcoms- old ones, typically," Wanda answered as one of the previous monitors flickered to life in front of them; it hovered towards the edge of the bed, a mere few inches away from it.

An array of vast colours flashed by as Y/N flicked between channels, each loud-mouth talk show host going by like cars on a long haul. Then, the vibrant pattern was stymied by a break of mouldy grey. It was, undoubtedly, one of those half-put-together sitcoms of the late 50's. Wanda seemed to notice the slightly disturbed look on Y/N's face.

"Do you not like sitcoms?" Wanda asked.

"That's not it, well.." Y/N stammered. "I just find early sitcoms unnerving, you know what I mean?" she asked, but Wanda just tilted her head, perplexed. "Most of these scenes are set in public spaces, but the emptiness of it all almost feels dystopian- like there's something tragic we aren't seeing," Y/N explained, shivering.

"I get what you mean," Wanda said with a nod. "It doesn't bother me, but sitcoms in general just make me feel like there’s danger nearby."

Y/N looked at Wanda unbelievably, "Then why watch them?"

"It makes me feel like I'm home again, I guess," Wanda said truthfully, glancing down. "Me and my brother used to watch old tapes- whatever we could find."

All at once, Y/N's face softened and her eyes flashed with recognition; she should have guessed, really. What with the accent and frightened posture, there was no doubt that Wanda was a victim of the inner turmoil of her home country. The place had been in a state of war for as long as Y/N could remember, and the citizenry got caught up in the brutal line of fire. Such an immense loss of life- for what? Y/N flashed Wanda a kind smile, one that she quickly reciprocated.

Soon enough, Y/N found her accumulating thoughts numbed by the piercing laughter emanating from the television. Personally, she never liked sitcoms, finding them off-putting, and how could she not? It was as though the characters were trapped in a purgatory state, forced to live out a fabricated life whilst an invisible audience followed them, laughing mockingly at their imprisonment. Or, perhaps, you overthink things, Y/N- that’s a likely possibility, too.

“What was it like- in Sokovia?” Y/N asked, careful not to probe too heavily as to trigger a negative reaction, though it was hard as you could imagine; discussing trauma, be it heavy or mild, was like trudging through a mine field.

Wanda bowed her head, seeming to mull the question over, “it wasn’t The Ritz,” she managed a joke, though Y/N could tell there was something more hidden underneath the blanket of protection that she had knitted for herself. “It wasn’t all bad, I had my parents, Pietro..”

“Well, you know what they say,” Y/N started. “You have to reach the lowest points of your life to truly appreciate the highs.” “Who is ‘they’?”

“My parents, but I doubt they actually came up with it, probably stole it from one of their crappy novels they always read on the road,” Y/N recalled, a grin creeping its way onto her face.

“And what about your family?”

“Dysfunctional, but also functional,” Y/N explained, squinting. “We never really got along, and the constant moving just made me resent them more. Not only did they not..” she went to continue, stopping herself- too much information. “Sorry about that, my mouth is faster than my brain sometimes, hence…you know.” Wanda nodded, “It’s fine, really. Besides, if we’re going to be working as a team – yes, that means you’ll have to leave your room sometime – then we’re best as friends, right?”

“I suppose, but let’s leave the truly tragic shit for when we’ve known each other for more than a few minutes,” Y/N said with a grin, eyes darting back to the television screen. “Especially when my first-world problems are nothing compared to what you’ve been through.”

Wanda shook her head in disbelief. “So you and I should disregard your problems because mine are,” – she stopped to wiggle her fingers – “nothing compared to what I’ve been through? Your problems are still problems,” she said, vivid eyes staring into Y/N’s.

Y/N sighed- perhaps that came off as too dismissive. “Well, I’d just rather not complain about a scratch when you’ve had your arms cut off,” she said, sighing.

Or you’re an idiot who doesn’t know how to talk about their own problems without feeling the most gut-wrenching, horrid sensation ever. Whenever confronted with her feelings, Y/N would always find a way to avoid it, the overwhelming feeling it imbued making her sick. What better way to divert that attention than to help others with their problems? After all, everyone know you can’t be depressed if you’re helping others overcome theirs- impossible! Or perhaps you’re going in circles playing into societal norms to hide from the fact that your psyche is utterly akimbo.

“Do you find it hard to open up to people?” Wanda asked suddenly, choosing to look away from Y/N, something that made the sudden surge of dread in her chest bearable.

It took Y/N a few moments to, but she eventually cracked, “just a bit.” She was being intentionally curt. “Not a thing I like to do.”

A soft hum escaped Wanda’s lips. “But you want to,” Wanda said; Y/N felt like it was meant to be a question, but it sounded more like a statement if anything. “You want to tell people about your problems, but you can’t, so you find back alley ways of doing it- subtle hints- grim jokes- a heavy emphasis on helping other people with their mental issues..” she trailed off. “They make you feel better, but it’s not enough- never is; am I right?”

“Yes,” Y/N said simply, sighing as if to dispel the horrible feeling in her gut. “Helping others is almost like a backhanded way of helping myself- I guess that’s why the aftermath hurts so much.”

Wanda took a moment to allow the words to sink in before speaking again. “When you’re motion sick, you don’t get better by moving, Y/N,” she said, the two of them not daring to make eye contact with one another. “You take it slow and let the sickness settle down. That’s what you should do. From what I’m gathering, you’ve tried over and over to talk about your problems, but you’re doing it too fast; you feel sick and overwhelmed, I imagine.” “Read me like a book,” Y/N said, laughingly faintly; there was no humour in it. “That’s why I’ve elected to ignore it; it doesn’t matter if somebody else brings it up or if I try to talk about it, the feeling isn’t worth it.”

“You know that it won’t go away if you hide from it, right?” Wanda asked, and Y/N simply nodded her head.

“Of course, but I don’t know what else to do.”

“My advice: slow down,” Wanda said, her tone low. “Problems like these don’t fix themselves in a day, but they do overtime. This isn’t a race. When you overcome your problems, and you will, it should be in your own time. Believe me, I have been there and it takes time to open up, but take it at a steady pace – whichever Mach you’re comfortable with – and that overwhelming sickness will slowly fizzle out.”

Y/N nodded, soaking up the advice. “Maybe I’m just a prat,” she said, laughing awkwardly. “It only took someone I barely know to knock some sense into me,” Y/N said, still feeling incredibly nervous given the subject matter. “Even if I don’t believe what you’re saying at the moment.”

“You don’t have to, but you will,” Wanda said, smiling. “Just sit on it - think about it -  then come back to it.”

Once again, a silence befell the both of them, the only median being the ambience of the compound and the still-playing sitcom. Y/N could hear Vision’s heavy steps as he paced back-and-forth and, though it was faint, some atrocious-sounding singing in the distance. Wanda’s eyes finally flickered over to Y/N’s, a smile tugging at her lips. Although they had just officially met just shy of half an hour ago, an unbelievable amount of time to launch into life-altering therapy, Y/N felt a new connection to Wanda- a bond. It was an odd little thing, but one that she was delighted to have.

[acidmatze]

Its funny (not literally but you know what i mean) that "xyz struggles with talking and mostly doesnt talk at all UNLESS its about xyz's special interest then xyz speaks very fluently and well and doesnt shut up" is a very common thing in autistic people. But for me its exactly the other way around. And i havent met another autistic person like that. As of now i feel like im the only ND person who CANT talk about heir special interest.

I just.. cant. I want to. I would LOVE to. Im always like "Oh god please talk to me about Trigun!!!!" yet im dreading that someone might actualy Do because I dont know what to say. Its not that i dont have opinions and thoughts its... i just cannot put them into... Understandable Words. There is just So Much going on whenever i think about my special interests that it becomes too overwhelming for me to translate my thoughts into anything that could be communicated in some understandable way. I wish telepathy was real so i could just beam my thoughts into someone else's head but i dont even think that would work unless they Think Like Me. Also the onslaught of information they get will probably be too overwhelming. So i desperately WANT to talk about my special interests (please talk to me about Trigun but understand that i wont be able to answer in any satisfactory way) but i CANT. I cannot communicate my thoughts in any form that can be understood by humans that are not me. If thoughts are like files on a computer my thoughts dont come in neat categories they come as a zip file you gotta unpack first and then get the entire thing at once. Well.. I dont need to unpack them cuz i know whats inside. But if i wanna communicate them i have to unzip that package and then go through every single file one by one and pick out the relevant parts. Only the relevant parts. What is important and what is not? Who knows, not me, im already despairing. So i usually just give up and dont say anything which is kinda not helping with the whole Conversation thing. Which is also why i dont do meta posts or anything... relevant. I cant give you a single coherent sentence about Trigun how am i supposed to write meta? The best i can do is like... dig out panels and point at them and yell. Maybe when a miracle happens i could get single words out that wont form any sentences whatsoever and you would have to puzzle them together. Have fun.

Fun fact! Sometimes this doesnt just happen with my special interest but with any random thing. Today i was unable to tell my Boss why i have to sit down more often than others. Has nothing to do with my special interests. Still wasnt able to start the damn sentence. Talking to me is probably a chore no one does gladly. Honestly i wish i could just... find someone whos willing to communicate with me even when i just give sentence fragments or just words and they are willing to piece them together. But lmao. As if. Even if someone WOULD say they would be willing they probably would try to talk to me once and if i actually Do Talk Like That they would go "Yeah nah this was a dumb idea lets never talk to this guy again."

[cheonmayasudasayo]

Honestly, commentary on how the patriarchy and its forms formulates are understanding of abuse and stuff aside (I don't feel like making a thought out, coherent post about it for the next hour), it really is emblematic of how people see abuse and consent when the same type of people who think it's sexual abuse to wear what they believe to wear kink stuff at pride or in public in general or have sex in public in any context or just make them uncomfortable in general in any context via the horror of them having to see something instead of just turning around and minding one's business are also the same type of people that will claim that breaking a monogymous vow is at the level of emotional abuse because it makes their feelings hurt with not a hint of awareness whatsoever. It really shows that the way many people have come to understand consent and abuse is not a breach of actual bodily autonomy or harmful power dynamics and so on, but when your feelings get hurt or you feel uncomfortable under any context whatsoever, especially when it breaks white cisheterosexual patriarchal vows and normality. Like it makes sense how these sort of people are the kind who'd make a long ass call out post over every petty shit they can think of regardless of whether any of it is even true or not. If you could make eating the last slice of cake or pizza have something tangentially to do with norms, trust, patriarchal vows, etc, you could probably convince many people on this site that eating the last piece of food is abuse somehow. Yes even when they thought you had another one saved for yourself somewhere. It'd still be grounds for a break up, divorce, defaming, deplatforming, and social isolation lol.

[chosonore]

summary: your relationship with aventurine and veritas was easy, a haven of comfort and care - it was one that started gradually but quickly became an integral part in your life. despite your anxities and worries about what people would think about being in a relationship with both of them, you couldn't imagine a life without them

a/n: i haven't written anything in two years :') this is just 1.4k non-coherent word vomit from 3am - i was listening to emei's don't know about the world and it just created this fluffy image in my brain that i needed to get out. i didn't bother proofreading this lol also please don't expect any more or consistent writing, idk how to write anymore

“hey baby, how was work?” aventurine wrapped his arms around you, leaning down to kiss you gently. you inhaled his familiar scent, instantly feeling like you were at home. he swayed back and forth with you for a bit before letting you go, opening the car door for you. “i missed you.”

“i was only gone for a couple of hours.”

“i still missed you.” he gave you a grin before starting the car, driving off to your usual groceries store. it was a routine that you’d gotten used to, one that so effortlessly made you feel safe and loved. aventurine would pick you up from work, you’d get anything you needed from the store before heading home to veritas and your three critters. you’d have dinner together, talk about your day and have a cozy night. 

when you thought about it, you still didn’t quite understand how your relationship came to be. the three of you met at uni and quickly formed an inseparable, unlikely trio. though aventurine and veritas had always been very close despite their frequent bickering, you felt like you just kind of stumbled into this. you felt confusing at first, after all, you harboured feelings for both of them. one kiss had led to another, led to dates and more. it was a relief to know that they felt the same. neither of you had really talked about it as it just gradually grew into what it was now. 

it started with you staying at aventurine’s large penthouse apartment more and more frequently until he finally asked you to move in. then one day, as you were building furniture for your shared bedroom, veritas brought home the three critters. seemingly he had felt pity upon encountering them and couldn’t separate them whatsoever, so he just took them all home. and there it was, your little family. 

you knew you loved them as they did you. but recently, you’d noticed the stares of strangers and in particular your co-workers more. heard some whisperings about your unconventional relationship and it bugged you, even if you tried not to pay attention to it. it was slowly nagging on your soul and heart, making you question the relationship. was it really that odd? or frowned upon? could you really stay in this relationship, grow old and happy together?

“i booked a spa weekend for us at the end of the month!” aventurine’s rambling interrupted your trail of thoughts. he seemed excited as he always was whenever he could spoil you and veritas. “it was about time, both of you have been way too busy. i miss having my two loves all to myself.”

you snorted, taking his hand in yours. the way he incessantly spoiled you had made you uncomfortable at first until you realized that it was one of the ways he liked to express his love. he was happy being able to provide his loved ones with anything they could ask for, so that they would never have to worry about anything ever again. you lifted his hand to press a kiss against it. “i look forward to it.”

as you entered the apartment with aventurine, you were greeted by a rather calm and comfortable atmosphere. soft music was playing and when you rounded the corner, you could see veritas sitting on his armchair with his legs propped on the ottoman. the critters were sitting around him, staring at the book in his hands as if they could read as well. it was an adorable sight, the way their heads moved along with veritas’ hand movements whenever he flipped a page, the way he pet them every now and then. you wished you could secretly snap a photo without him noticing but he always did. then he would scowl and disappear from the frame, grumbling about hating having his photos taken. you never told him that you liked the way his cheeks slightly reddened whenever you did this.

“we’re back,” you called out, placing the bags on the counter before opening your arms and catching a critter that was hopping over to you. it made happy noises as you pet it gently. aventurine put the groceries away, turning slightly to peck veritas’ cheek as he padded over to you. “thought we could make some casserole.”

“we? you mean i cook and you watch,” veritas raised his eyebrows at aventurine. 

he pouted, feigning outrage. “babe, i would never dare to! besides, i know you don’t mind.” he wrapped his arms around veritas, waddling around with him as he watched him cook. veritas would never admit to it but you could tell that he enjoyed himself by the way he leaned to the side to peck aventurine’s lips or absentmindedly held his hands whenever he was monitoring the food. you prepared the critters’ food, smiling as they crowded around you and mewled hungrily. veritas would lean over to spoon feed you every now and then, asking for your opinion on the meal before he finished preparing it. 

after dinner, you spent your evening cuddled between veritas and aventurine as you watched your tv shows together before heading to bed.

aventurine was still showering when you crawled into bed with veritas, yawning tiredly. he propped himself up on his elbow, regarding you with an inquisitive look. “what’s wrong?” he asked pointedly, the kind of tone he used when he meant business and didn’t want any kind of dodging. you knew you couldn’t lie to him, he would see right through you. your first instinct was to say “nothing” but from the corner of your eyes, you could see him raising his eyebrows.

“i’ve just been noticing the looks we get when we’re out together. people stare or give judgemental looks, you know?” you started to explain, fidgeting anxiously. just thinking about this issue made your stomach churn. “then i heard some of my co-workers talk about us, saying judgemental things… some of it was kind of hurtful too.”

you glanced at him, suddenly feeling ashamed that you were even questioning anything. you knew that veritas and aventurine sincerely loved you and cared about you. “honestly, it made me question our relationship. if we can really grow old together like this or if it’s doomed to fail. whether it’s right for me to be with you.”

veritas looked at you as if you just said something unfathomably stupid. “there’s no reason to question what other people are saying. it’s your life to live, is it not?” he retorts and you can tell there’s a sigh in him that wants to escape. “are you happy? with this?” he gestures vaguely between you two and aventurine who just came out of the bathroom and joined you two in bed. “with us?”

“yes? of course i am,” you replied. aventurine glanced between you, trying to figure out what the conversation was about as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer to him.

“then don’t question it. your happiness is all that matters. why pay any mind to fools that have nothing better to do than talk about you behind your back?” veritas pulled the covers up and gave everyone a quick kiss before reaching out to turn off the lights. his words made you feel more at ease, slowly melting any doubts and anxieties you had been feeling the past few weeks. 

“who hurt you? do i have to make someone disappear?” aventurine asked yawning, placing his head on veritas’ chest. “i love you, always have, always will. what goes on in our relationship is none of their business. i think we’re a good team, aren’t we?”

you knew home was with them - they made you feel safe, loved and comfortable. you couldn’t imagine coming home to only one of them, it wouldn’t feel complete. you liked coming home to aventurine showing you little souvenirs he had brought from his business trips, seeing him play with the critters and the way his eyes lit up with a competitive gleam whenever you tried out new video games together. you liked when veritas sat with you and explained whatever new findings or research he was working on, his well contained enjoyment of being able to share it with you. the way he wrapped his arms around you and placed his chin on your head when he opened up to you and was vulnerable, as best as he could. you knew he didn’t like to be but was willing to in his own way. and you were grateful, for both of them.

when you watched veritas and aventurine bicker about who was hogging the blanket again, leaving the other cold, you knew you wouldn’t change a thing about this relationship for anything in the world. you loved them, with all your heart. there was nothing else you needed from this world - you were happy.

[strawberrygirldick]

I think part of the issue here is that Zionists are calling any criticism whatsoever of them or Israel antisemitism and people are seriously fucking tired of it, so you get people who mean well, looking at and spreading antisemitic shit, not realizing it's antisemitic, and then pulling a white victim guilt thingy crying about "how could I possibly be antisemitic I have Jewish friends" "I can't be antisemitic I hate Nazis" "I'm crying please coddle me and tell me that I was trying to do a good thing" and then you get actual antisemitic/Nazis coddling them and going "oh did the bad Jewish people hurt you come here and listen to all this Nazi rhetoric" and because of how Israel and Zionist Jewish people are acting it's a hell of a lot easier to seem reasonable while spreading Nazi rhetoric because "no we're just talking about the bad ones" when to them ALL Jewish people are "the bad ones"

Sorry if I've worded anything here really poorly I just went on a rant from my brain and I can barely form coherent thoughts at the best of times. Main point is, Israel and Zionists using antisemitism as a catch all shield right now is a large part of why this is happening, and I don't think telling the average person that they're only having trouble discussing the genocide because they're antisemitic is productive, nor does it look at the whole picture.

"these jewish bloggers keep saying it's possible to talk about gaza without being antisemitic but keep saying everything i say is antisemitic so clearly they just don't want us talking about gaza"

it's actually really easy to talk about gaza without being antisemitic if you're not antisemitic, and really hard if you are antisemitic. hope this helps