#and I can't decide how I feel about it
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writer problem #17389292. can't decide if the section I wrote is actually tremendously awful and boring. or if I've just read it so many times that I'm going crazy
#at some point you just have to say screw it and leave it as it is lol#this is how I feel right now#I've probably put a collective total of at least 8 hours into just rewriting and planning this one small section#and I can't decide how I feel about it#just..... roll with it......
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yesterday I read the one sentence description of a book and thought "well that sounds like it could probably be resolved with polyamory" and then read the full description and went "wait I've read that EXACT premise as a silverflintthomas fic"
#mostly unrelated but I've just finished The Left Hand of Darkness#and I can't decide how I feel about it#but I was startled to find myself actively crying during the last few pages so that's something
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#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc jax#jax#tadc ragatha#ragatha#bunnydoll#I need to pathetically explain myself here and say this was just one of those go to bed thoughts I've had for a while.#It was an idea for the sake of daydreaming and I never intended to ever draw it but then it happened and I got carried away.#I'd honestly call this a bit of a un-headcanon lmao#None of us know at this point so any one of them could be close or not close to losing it.#Saying that I feel Jax seems like one of the more stable of the group and out of the both of them Ragatha is closer to abstraction if at al#But it's interesting to think if he actually isn't to some degree and there's more behind that grin I can't lie#And I wouldn't portray abstraction like this either I'd go about it differently. again just one of those fleeting throw-away thoughts#It ends ambiguously but you can decide what you want. I know how it ends.#I just got really into portraying the mood or cinematics without any dialogue.
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there are many retellings & adaptional choices i really don't like when it comes to writing new stories about old myths, and that i feel are boring or ignoring interesting points & implications or unfamiliar with the topic or ancient cultural context in a way that rubs me the wrong way. BUT the way some people on here talk about myth retellings as if retelling them is in and of itself a bad thing, or that retellings are somehow 'staining' the 'meaning' of the 'original myth', and Particularly posts that just seem to be hating on the people writing these books not for any real constructive point but just because they think Change Is Bad is going to make me feel bonkers insane fr. come on guys
#something more to say abt how you can't have a prescriptive approach to myth tempered by an understanding of cultural context but i'll add#it bc i need to chew over the wording for a sec#thoughts#anyways not phrasing it like this in the original post bc it's too blunt but i feel like people saw real complaints about e.g. mm & decided#'oh this is a thing it's cool to hate now!' without understanding any of the reasoning behind it. gah
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Reuniting with a distorted past.
Extra:(New personality tested gone wrong)
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wanted to play with rin living in the aftermath aus aswell and had these drawings laying around to share so yay
Panel 1: Was buried alive.
Comic 1: Who are you supposed to be?
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new friends
Comic 2: Misguided protection.
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obito still sensing the warning signs of rin losing her temper. anyways they proceeded to be dragged into the ocean by rin like some sea monster
Comic 3: Finding out (Now what will you do?)
obito is harshly brought back from his delusions because now its not just kushina but rin too who he needs to ripped out the tail beast from
#naruto#naruto fanart#kakashi hatake#rin nohara#obito uchiha#naruto sukea#fanart#art#my art#sketch#drawing#digital art#hope i can add something new and if not may i shall add fuel to the fire for rin!! :)#So Rin loses ALL of her memories forever (kinda)#the only thing that remains for sure is the feeling of missing something that she'll never reach it again#she's alone and is left to roam directionless until she meets an elderly civilian that is also alone#she stays with her for a year+ but she passes away. But Rin with her new identity decides to walk forward (with love comes pain#but to love at all was the greatest thing to her.) She cherishes her new memories and won't let it stop her from moving on#inbetween this time frame she meets isobu in her mind after he gains enough form within her (who is also without memories)#Now WAY LATER she meets Sukea who looks like he's about to panic and she tries to help (which uh doesnt work too well)#but then Sukea joins her on her travels (sending minato an letter through his summons of rin being alive and forgetting the mission)#they both wander around (he doesnt know how to bring up their past) but then obito appears (always at the wrong times)#At first glance he's pissed but then realizes that this isnt fake AND its both the worse thing yet best thing to ever happen#Now Rin thinks she made two new friends who give her feelings of warmth but they both also reminded her of something old she thinks#PS Minato and Kushina are freaking out back in the village but can't do anything about it (Obito hasn't acted on his plans yet so yes)
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I think this is the moment I truly started to dislike Gale.
After reading the first book, I definitely loved Peeta, but I didn't know enough about Gale to either like him or dislike him. He was just there. Katniss's friend and potential love triangle participant. But then Catching Fire starts and in Chapter 2, we get this scene and it really left a bad taste in my mouth that only increases as the series continues.
This really does an incredible job of setting up Gale's entire attitude about Katniss. Their relationship is about him and what he wants. About what he feels like he deserves from her. He kisses her because he wanted to, without any warning or checking in with her to see where she is. He doesn't talk to her about what she's going through or think maybe the best time is not right after she survived an extremely traumatic experience. Gale wants a kiss and he is owed a kiss so by god he's going to have one!
Contrast this with everything we see with Peeta in the first book and even though he too is in love with Katniss and has been for ages, all physical affection is on Katniss's terms. He makes jokes about kissing, but in every kiss, she is the one who initiates and he makes no effort to take that choice or control away from her.
Peeta respects Katniss and her wishes in a way Gale never does and it's never more clear than when comparing the two first kisses.
#the hunger games#thg#catching fire#suzanne collins#katniss everdeen#peeta mellark#everlark#peeta x katniss#gale hawthorne#the hunger games reread#it's also interesting that right afterward Katniss talks about how she can't decide if she liked Gale's kiss#meanwhile that first kiss with Peeta where both of then are conscious has her talking about how badly she wants another#yeah okay Katniss#you definitely don't have feelings for Peeta#I love Katniss but sometimes I do want to shake some sense into her#girl I swear to god#I know she's only 16 but come on#proud Gale hater over here#sorry not sorry#my post
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Is it fair to say that Tee is a need?
Tee is a need, yes.
If the front office isn't able to make that work, would you be disappointed in that?
I'd be very disappointed in that, yeah.
#here take a compilation from today's presser of joe raving about tee#and being VERY assertive (aggressive) about how important tee is and how much joe needs him#how he'd be very disappointed in the front office!!!#talk about putting pressure on!!! joe doing the best he can with his influence!!! love to see it!!!#also i think it's so interesting to hear joe talk about how involved he wants to be in the offseason WITH the FO making decisions!!!#control freak <3 but also i do wonder how much influence and pressure he actually can provide??#like i trust him more than the brown/blackburn family at this point#let joe be GM too! fuck it!#god this is all so crazy WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN#when did the three of them (because i'm assuming ja'marr is going to be involved on his end at the very least)#decide okay we'll take this into our own hands#when they realized this season wouldn't go anywhere??#and it was supposed to be their last big hurrah together??#and they were like. no we're not accepting this is how it ends#it ends with us winning a super bowl together. there's no other option#because i'm just. i'm emotional. i'm feeling lots of things about this!!!!!#i love them so fucking much oh my god PLEASE let this work out my heart can't take it#joe burrow#tee higgins
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I also love people who are not quite sure if they count as lesbians due to the ever-changing definitions of gender and sexuality but who do have lesbian problems and lesbian relationship dynamics and who get weird looks from straight guys but also sometimes from other gay people and who can't really put into words exactly what they are because that's not exactly the point but it might be nice if it was easier to explain but it is what it is
#uhhh. self love or something#i have switched from lesbian to bi woman to lesbian to bi guy back to lesbian like 5 times this summer#i also don't know if i'm butch or masc or femme because i can't decide what the definitions mean#'you are if you want to be' doesn't help because that's not exactly. how i experience the world#what i am is a combo of what other people think and what i think because i live in a society#i'm the product of a system and i'm also something that experiences things so in order to know what i am i have to think about both#well i can't tell what other people are thinking or what i'm feeling so we have a problem here
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new post for sharing progress on critter the autism cat!! head still needs MEGA work so this time you get a tail preview :3c
#how are we feeling about the color balance friends I am not sure if any of these need to be tweaked or not but theres not many other options#i.e. the pink can either be this pink or red. like those are the only two options LOL#I do think the orange and yellow are pretty close in color but can't decide on a more vibrant orange or a lighter yellow....#original plushie designs#autism cat plushie#critter the autism cat
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Went to an anniversary dinner today and the husband told us that when he was interested in his wife/trying to court her, he decided to get her attention by sending her a potato in the mail.
No box, no wrapping, no nothing, just her address (and a note) written on the potato in Sharpie and three postage stamps stuck on.
When it arrived at her house the whole family was congregated around the potato wondering what it could possibly mean, afraid it might be a bomb 🤡
#apparently the girl's uncle was like “🤨 well that's just wrong”#which absolutely SENDS me when I think about it#like hmmm this sure is a flag but I really can't say which color#and hey it worked! it got her attention and they've been married 5 years#let me write that down for reference#hey @mintandcreme you asked how I would confess my feelings someday?#I think I've decided I'm going to mail him a potato note#elly's posts
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ANCIENT LOVE POETRY EPISODE 20 | EPISODE 49
#ancient love poetry#liu xueyi#liu xue yi#千古玦尘#tian qi#tianqi#tianqi x yuemi#yuemi x tianqi#bai shuo#fan yue#cdramaedit#chineseartistsinc#asiandramaedit#xianxia#mystuff#gifs#ancientlovepoetry*#cdramas*#tianqiyuemi*#tianqi*#if you understand what this is and all the implications i love you#if you still remember them and wish they got what they deserved i also love you#i can't move on from them and i don't want to#it's about him refusing things to himself since she died#it's about how at first he thinks he doesn't deserve missing her but he still allows himself a drink#he even drinks for her and with her and we keep seeing him drink with her statue and everything#and it's about how at the end he decides he's not even allowed that anymore#60 thousand freaking years he lived without her and maybe every time he drank talking to her he would feel her a little bit close#but he doesn't even deserve that anymore not that not to love anyone not to feel anything not without her there's no point#the only reason i'm not falling off my balcony is knowing that there's a story after that for him and his yuemi even if i never see it
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY CONSTANCE BLACKWOOD!!!!! 💕💖💗💓💞
celebratory birthday edit for the girl ever!!!!
audio <3
#i haven't decided how i feel about this edit but it took like 4-5 hours to make so i can't give up on it 😭#she's so cutiepie#esu constance is my favouritest i love her dearly#ride the cyclone#rtc#constance blackwood#vin edits
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gender rant in tags
#there is a part of me that desperately wants to identify as a man but i just can't#because i hate being associated what that means for people#like yes obviously being big and masculine and putting on muscle and weight is affirming to a lot of people#and that's fine#but i really do not know how to explain how much i do not resonate with that#and how much i equally don't resonate with femininity#i have spent years debating whether i want to medically transition#i know about all the literal physical stuff i just don't know if i want to bite the bullet and do it#and i go on tumblr hoping to find some kind of inspiration some kind of motivation literally anything to encourage me to do it#but literally every post about being transmasc is about being strong and hairy and typically masculine#which. again. is fine. but i literally never feel like my gender is one that even exists#so then i convince myself that it's best not to even try#when i still don't even know if i've decided that's true or not#i dont know#i don't even know where i'm going with this i just feel like i will never ever be seen in my life#and even if i make the jump to medically transition it will mean i may lose a lot of people close to me#so it's not ebven like it's just a gender question it's like well. do you want to feel Vaguely Dissatisfied but not in agony and keep the#things and the people that are closest to you#or do you want to try this thing that you may not even like and risk losing everything#i just wish i fucking knew#i would know if i thought i could be the person i wanted to be on T#but honestly i'm not convinced that i will ever be that person#i see trans people being happy and it just makes me fucking sad#and i fucking hate that#if you’ve read this far I’ll admit to you this was because I started crying looking at the tumblr forcemasc tag. because I’m normal#anyway. goes back to reading my stupid naval uniform book#mine#delete later
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I feel that during the first coffee date walk through the market, rye has a fraction of a millisecond's kneejerk trauma freakout of '...wait. wait. am I really catching feelings for a rich boy again. with how that went down last time. am I truly that stupid' (once derogatorily referred to quite openly at a party as 'young master anaxas' pet mortalitasi' to which the young master anaxas only grinned and shrugged and STILL you don't break up with his smug controlling ass for good for six more months because you have a desperate bottomless yearning pit where your self respect should go, twice shy lol). and then he actually looks at lucanis standing next to him getting harding spearmint to help with bad dreams and generally being so quietly thoughtful and sweet through the prosaic yet necessary medium of grocery shopping it makes me feel a little unwell to truly contemplate. and rye is like '*the softest fondest eyes anyone has ever turned on anything* ...you know what. I suspect we don't have to worry about that repeating, I think we're probably safe. I am comfortable being this level of stupid. (slowly dawning marital intent even at this stage)'.
(part of the reason rye buys NONE of illario's bullshit at all right from the beginning is that he's basically vaccinated against this exact type of dude after that relationship lol. charming suave guy who in the beginning pays you a lot of lavish attention and takes pains to make you feel special every time you're in a room with him -- but shallowly and mostly, it slowly dawns on you, when there's something he wants from you (and he's often doing it at the expense of someone else, raising you up to put someone else down and you won't believe this... it can turn into a seesaw at a whim. yay). and beneath that there's just a seething pit of resentment and inferiority complexes and bitterness left to fester until he can make it everyone else's problem and that IS going to start to bubble up between the cracks with you too if you stick around for long enough. no thank you been there done that wasted my youth and potential on it and all I got was this lousy shiny set of new emotional intimacy issues haunting me for life! trust me illario I HAVE, as it were, chosen the wrong dellamorte before, which is exactly how I know I didn't this time. go get him lucanis I've got your coffee
hilarious mental image: rye and illario sitting quietly together while everyone else is busy milling about during a cursed dellamorte family dinner (the vibes are so bad. you know the vibes are bad. sitting as still as you can and hoping for calm skies is your best bet without lucanis or teia favourite child privileges to work with) and rye out of the blue gazing thoughtfully into nothing over the edge of his glass with half-lidded eyes to go 'you know. you remind me a lot of my ex. not in a good way' and illario with absolutely no shame and hilariously also something that's the closest he ever gets to real sympathy going 'yeah, I get that a lot'. best talk those two ever had, unironically. their bond leveled up to its final form that day. *soulsborne boss defeated text* MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING REACHED)
#idly trying to decide what nevarran great house rye's shitheel early twenties boyfriend was part of#(possibly as one of the piddliest side branches of that house too b/c between that and the youngest son thing..... bad news)#there would be something especially delicious about him being a van markham of course. adds some Layers#to the baron van markham situation. but maybe that's TOO neat. nobles can just suck as a Class (as they do). I must Contemplate#I do really love the idea I'm going with here that it could be the youngest son of the duke of cumberland (so an anaxas)#(perhaps grandchild? slightly unclear how the numbers work out there we have too little information to go on I think)#who made so much trouble back home in cumberland they basically sent him off to the capital to raise hell over there lol#the classic 'god idk send him off to an aunt and she'll either straighten him out or they'll kill each other#either way he won't be my problem for the duration' move. oh the tribulations of an afterthought of a son no one really needed#(funny headcanon to make that the pentaghasts can't come up with a solid direct heir to king marcus to save his at least#seven-fold resurrected ass. while the duke of cumberland has heirs. maker help him but does he have heirs the house is full of them#where are they all coming from. his wife staring directly into the camera like she's on the office)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#Lucanis Dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#illario dellamorte#doing coffee with the crows after the city choice adds quite a bit here lol. among other things it opens the distinct possiblity#that rook has overheard lucanis talk about wyverns in banter and the dagger is a more purposefully chosen thing#much like lucanis' cake choice is dependent on rook's beverage preferences later on. their freaks match#gifts to give your special person to tell them you've done deep research on them but like not in a stalker way#this post went off to places I hadn't expected. but love the rye and illario stuff that turned up here lmao like yeah that feels about righ
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Smooth cover (Patreon)
Bonus alt:
#Doodles#Pokemon#Firebland#Silverstreakshipping#Kabu#Larry#The previous post about Larry doing things because he feels like it - I mean Once He's At That Point sure but before that lol#Confessions are hard! Honesty is hard! Vulnerability is hard!! Some things are easier than baring one's whole heart all at once!#Even if they were mutually falling in love with each other - which is a very cute idea to me hehe <3 - to say it first! Ah#Larry's handling it great as you can tell lol#No pinch of desperate want no no it's all fine he's totally undetectable lol flying Well under the radar#Forces himself to un-red-face once observed haha - but did Kabu notice before it fully went away??? (Yes) (Lol)#Still struggling with drawing Kabu agh he's cute why!! Difficult!!#I am pleased with how cute their sitting chibis are in the first one tho haha#Larry sitting so polite and Kabu a bit spread out - differences in comfort and how they hold themselves ah#And yet Larry's the one who uses ''ore'' huh haha ♪#They're both cute#I do love Larry's cover of staring at Kabu as basically being another way of saying ''I can't keep my eyes off you'' lol#You're so subtle Larry he'll never notice#I am also endlessly entertained by polite characters swearing haha such an immature silliness but I like it!#Kabu just enjoying the compliment while Larry is Suffering™ lol just hang in there Larry it'll all work out#I couldn't decide at first which of the first panel to go with but smol convinced me the open desperation was funnier lol#But I still like the edit! Enjoy Larry being fully ❤️💕💖💞💗 at Kabu hehe
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*thinks about vol 19’s sleeve illustration*
*thinks about vol 19’s sleeve illustration*
*thinks abo
Bonus:
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#jshk#toilet bound hanako kun#tbhk#tsukasa yugi#jibaku shonen hanako kun#i was not planning on drawing HIM again but i have had realizations#i've been wondering about why he would be wearing traditional clothes when they are something he probably never wore when he was alive#turns out that's kind of the point#it's funerary wear#he has been sleeping in a literal coffin for 50 years#that's why his fingers are greenish too! and why he resembles a ghost despite being a yorishiro#because that's how hanako sees him#as a dead person#the person HE killed#at the same time he's alive just enough for the tought of erasing him to feel like murdering him again#also unrelated but i love how aidairo suddenly decided yes his eyes work exactly like a cat. there is no reason for this btw#also can't be sure this was intentional but the way his shirt stays slightly open on his chest kinda resembles a slit...like a knife wound#anyway i hate him i wanted to draw mitsukou /hj
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