#and I am already giving myself enough hell with the long term character fic ideas I already have to deal with I dont need more lol

[chisatowo]

I do not think Kaoru and Moca are exes but I do think they made out in a bathroom once and Kaoru sucked at it so now Moca just knows Kaoru as the overrated shitlips guy and cannot wait for the perfect opportunity to drop this lil fact onto Himari, killing her instantly

[savrenim]

i am running thru ur tumblr to find ONE POST to cite for tvtropes, and i agree so hard with the soulmate stuff. what if my soulmate is an awful abuser, i want the choice to NOT be with them without some painful physical consequence or loss of perception if i don't date them just because the universe said we were "meant to be"... plus if it's just a magic thing it "feels" more justified in-universe that soulmates exist and less like an ass pull so you could justify getting 2 characters together

oH gods this is something that I have SO many feelings about that probably is slightly informed by my own orientation and preferences, but. feelings. this got long so it's going under the cut

so there are three and a half major things that I have a problem with in terms of general soulmate tropes that are "there is one person who is your perfect romantic partner" (which to be fair I've seen a number of soulmate AUs do that trope with the addendum "although it only applies to a certain percentage of the population / not everyone has soulmates / everyone has soulmates but not everyone has SUPER PERFECT ROMANTIC soulmates" which at least somewhat avoids the statistic inevitability of abusive soulmates if combined with Fate Can See The Future And So Your Fated Soulmate Just Won't Be) and these complaints aren't even from the "I'm poly where's my poly rep" kind of place which is a whole 'nother bag of worms, but let's go:

1. I aggressively believe that love is a choice. Love is something that is built, not predetermined before you meet someone. There might be initial compatibility aspects going down when you first meet someone, but, like. statistically there are more than seven and a half billion people on this planet. If there is only a single person perfectly meant for you, again, statistically, you are not going to meet them, I've seen the figure thrown that on average a person will meet on the order 10,000 people in their lifetime but let's even go 100,000, you will meet 0.001% of the world's population. Unless you think some sort of divine coincidence or fate is guiding you to a soulmate which throws free will out the window and then I can't help you but, like. discarding the math, I think it is actively harmful to a relationship to believe that it can be sustained on chemistry or predetermined 'but we're perfect for each other' alone. It requires work. You choose who is in your life, you choose who stays in your life, you choose who you want to be important to you based on what they contribute to your life and what you contribute to theirs.

(I am assuming this ask is at least partially in reaction to my soulmate post, which actually the fic in question, a buried and a burning flame, has since gone up. I highly recommend reading Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard first, but besides the setup for arson wizards that alas is never used because the fire mage with a soulmate in question is Responsible, I decided to both tackle 'okay soulmarks trope too let's throw it in', which leads to the not-really-a-spoiler passage that appears fairly early on about actually the full layout (albeit with less detail on the 'yeah for mages it just helps ground their magic, nothing romantic about it' part) of my Soulmate Rules:

Soulmates existed, both in the Empire of Astandalas and across the Wide Seas. They just worked slightly differently in Vangavaye-ve than the rest of the worlds.

The rest of the Empire seemed to view soulmates as a monolith. From what Cliopher had been able to glean, the tradition was grounded in their magic. Magi had soulmates, or rather, magic-workers would each have a soulmate. Cliopher wasn't clear if all magic-workers had a soulmate, or if magic-workers simply could have one, but there was always a mage in soulmate pairs, and it was always a pair. There were no marks, no visible signs involved, as soulmates were something that were sensed with magic. They were permanent, intrinsic, and to be recognized immediately.

To Wide Sea Islanders, soulmates were a choice.

The soul-marks, lana and lani-voa, would appear the first time you touched someone that you had chosen to love, with the full knowledge that you loved them. Cliopher had the marks of his mother and father, his sisters, Basil and Dimiter, Bertie and Ghilly. His skin was covered lovingly with the colors of his love, marks that he had gotten used to concealing with long sleeves in Astandalas when he had gotten tired of the constant staring at his 'primitive tattoos'.

Buru Tovo had been the only one to give him lani-voa, a greater mark of the soul. The pattern, with its thick lines and twisting design in a deep blue, extended over the entirety of his left arm and shoulder. They were the dances of his family pressed onto his skin, and he had traced them over with reverent and feather-light touch for months after he had received them. A lani-voa marked someone who had changed your life for the better in a deep and irrevocable way. It was a great honor to have even one.

And now, with the gold stretching up his right arm, new patterns that he didn't recognize stretching up from a handprint of pure gold that was expanding the longer he held that first contact with Tor—

now he had two.

(Buru Tovo is Cliopher's great uncle, for context. In fact, everyone listed there is either a familial or platonic relationship, with a single relationship that used to be romantic but settled into platonic.))

so. yeah. Love is a choice! The Biggest Of Moods! any soulmate lore that undermines that is a Bad Message, in my opinion.

The emphasis also on platonic soulmates leads into my second point:

2. I have found in my life that platonic relationships that I have are and have always been as important if not moreso than the romantic relationships. the emphasis of a single romantic relationship as the most important relationship that you can be in maybe fits for some people, but as a generalization to absolutely everyone I think is toxic and harmful. and not just for aro people! I'm not aro, but I would be miserable to write off my friends as Less Important And Meaningful to me than my parter, whom I love with all my heart! (I've actually ended up in my life settling into what I call the red/blue/gold system for 'relationships that I treat with the importance that society treats romantic relationships', but that's a personal thing). The standard soulmate trope tends to really solidly deliver the thesis of "there is a single romantic relationship that is the single most important relationship in your life" and I just think that's a very bad thesis.

3. Finally, I think the emphasis on permanent/forever is a harmful one for relationships in general. People change. you drift closer to people or further away from them. you move, they move, your schedules change, your interests change, your life changes. if you are living with a romantic partner you're going to keep seeing each other every day, but that doesn't stop you from changing as a person, which means see Point 1 Love Is A Choice; but even if you choose to remain together, you are probably eventually going to Ship Of Theseus your entire relationship. I think it is an important message that if that happens and it is no longer a relationship that is as deeply positive as it once was in your life, you don't...have to keep it out of loyalty to what it once was.

It's okay for people to drift out of your life that were once the most important person in your life. It doesn't invalidate how important and meaningful that relationship used to be, and it isn't a betrayal to let yourself and them and your relationships change and evolve. The idea that something has to be forever for it to matter I think is the idea about soulmates that I disagree with the most. Probably because that was the hardest lesson for me to learn as a kid and a teenager, and the life lesson that I am proudest for learning.

3.5 your point 'plus if it's just a magic thing it "feels" more justified in-universe that soulmates exist' is exactly on the nose, literally I am unable to write anything without attempting to write down a universal theory of everything for How The World Works. if something soulmate-wise is going down even if it never appears on the page you bet your ass I have either figured out the general cosmology and theology of "are there gods or divine forces who have instituted this policy? if so, why? what purpose does it serve", or in the case of abaabf which already has such interesting magic rules in the original canon of "is there an evolutionary reason for soulmates to exist" which I don't go tracing out full evolutionary biology for a fic necessarily mostly because I would want the full evolutionary biology in canon to make sure mine is compliant enough but that sure as hell does translate to "if soulmates exist and it's not for the reason of Because Godlike Beings Said So, there better be a practical purpose". I find at least long-form soulmate fics (ie things With Plot and a Developed Setting that aren't just "let's do a ficlet with this well-known trope") that Do Not Feel Like They've At Least Thought About Why Soulmates Happen To Exist hurt my soul. which I think slightly intersects with my "I hate it when the rules of the universe/ laws of physics are human-centric" instead of "the base rules which were not designed for humans came first, and how the human world works arose in reaction to them" and. yeah. consistent desire to know at least for myself why things are set up the way that they're set up which gods ifmlam is wild and completely bullshit and pulls from quantum multiverse philosophy I started writing that thing when I was like. eighteen? nineteen? but at least it's there so I can be consistent.

as a caveat for everything above: I don't actually think that fiction, fanfiction in particular, needs to perfectly reflect what A Good Relationship or A Good Message About Relationships should be. it is a very human desire in a chaotic and confusing world to want a simple, absolute, binary thing to hold onto. fiction is a place for escapism or wish fulfillment or even exploring things that you wouldn't actually want in real life, I think that the movement in fandom/fiction that all of the messaging in your story should match the advice you'd give for a real-life setup is a bad and harmful one. mostly my opinions on soulmates and hence desire to do inversions of the soulmate trope in my fic and things like the red/blue/gold system and heavy emphasis on platonic relationships in original work that I'm writing is about a desire to see representation for me and the things I love and find important and my sort of relationships in the stories that are a big part of my life. but I am really glad that in doing so I seem to have struck a chord in other people, who maybe want to see the same thing!

[k-writer1998]

Game of Love

Prompt fic: best friend! Felix x gender neutral! reader

fluff

w.c: 1.3k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Felix… can you come pick me up?"

      I didn't think my voice would've sounded so broken when it came out, but it did, and by the sound of his voice dropping down a level, he was pissed. After hanging up the phone I anxiously waited for my best friend in the plaza I was supposed to be meeting my date. Except they didn’t show… at least, not for our date. It shouldn’t hurt when it was just our second date but what could I say? I’m a hopeless romantic who continually sets themselves up to be heartbroken because you fall for the idea of “what if” with that person. Dropping my head I tried my best to blink back the tears that were fighting to escape my eyes. I was so stupid to think it would be different this time- no. I need to stop thinking about this before I start crying in the middle of a crowd… yeah let’s not, I think I’ve given Felix enough of a scare already. Thankfully I was getting back the control of my emotions just as my phone began to buzz with a call from Felix.

“Hey Lix…”

“I’m here, where are you?”

      I looked around for a familiar tuft of blonde in the crowd as I listed off the things around me. The minute I spotted my best friend’s worried face and our eyes connected, I gave him a sad smile that turned to a pout as the second wave of emotions hit. I couldn’t help it, Felix is my safe place. Seeing the change in my face he rushed over and pulled me into a hug which I returned, a defeated chuckle passing through my lips.

"I'm trying not to cry y'know."

"Where did they go?"

"No Lix you are NOT going to do whatever you think you want to do," I rolled my eyes as I pulled away and gave him a pointed look.

"And why not? They hurt you."

"Well one, it isn't worth it and two, it was my fault for getting ahead of myself."

"Hey, it's not your fault and don't you dare think otherwise,” he bent down to eye level to make sure I understood him. When he was content he stood tall again and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, “C'mon let's get out of here."

      We stopped by a restaurant to grab takeout before we ended up at my apartment. Felix’s was technically closer but I wasn’t in the mood to put on an act for his roommate Chan. After eating we played some video games, I just needed the distraction even if that distraction means losing in Smash Bros seventy-five percent of the time. Once I got tired of losing, I laid down with my legs dangling over the back of the couch and my head resting on Felix's shoulder. He continued to play and I was thankful that he stayed. That was the thing with us, we just know what the other person needs whether it be talking or just each other's presence. There was a strange comfort to that plus he knew that when I was ready I would talk. Being left to my thoughts, there was a lot stewing in my mind about today’s events which connected to past failed love expeditions that all came to the same conclusion. With no answer in sight I let out a groan hoping my dear best friend had an answer to this question.

“What is the point of playing a game that is made to make you lose?”

“What game? I told you Smash isn’t made for you to lose, you just need to pick a character to main so-”

“Not Smash Bros Lix, I’m talking about the big game of love,” I exaggerate by throwing my arms up… although he doesn’t see it anyways because my arms were behind his head.

“Why would you say that? Love isn’t all that bad, I’ve played video games that are harder.”

“Well you’ve seen my track record, it’s atrocious.”

“You wanna know why you keep losing?”

      At this I sit up and stare at my best friend’s head, my interest thoroughly piqued. His initial statement also did the job since he wasn’t one for romance. I mean, he’s dated before but he always seemed to just go with the flow when it came to relationships. I don’t think he’s ever talked about a crush…  

“You know why relationships never work out for me and are only choosing to tell me now? What the hell Felix? Of course I do.”

“It’s like I just told you, you keep choosing the wrong character to play.”

“I- okay gamer boy, you lost me. Noob terms please.”

“You keep going for the wrong guy you dork.”

“Why does it sound so matter of fact? Isn’t that how dating works? What? Do you have the perfect guy who won’t disappoint or hurt me hiding somewhere secret?” I roll my eyes.

“Well he’s not hiding and it’s not really a secret he likes you.”

“Wait what? Who likes me? I don’t know anyone who likes me.”

“Why do you have to be so dense?” He lets out a tense chuckle before adding in, “It’s me, y/n.”

      My mouth dropped into an “O” as realization hit me like a truck. He still played the game with his back facing me but once my cognitive functions came I rounded the coffee table and stood in front of the tv, blocking the screen. Abandoning the game and getting shy, he ducked his head away from my gaze as he made the little awkward noises he makes when he gets flustered.

“Is this why you’ve never talked with me about your crush?”

“I just confessed to you and that’s what you ask?”

“I’m still processing that sir, but my question.”

“Yes, it would be hard to talk to my crush about my crush,” he rolled his eyes before adding, “bet you still wouldn’t get the hints even if I did though.”

“Rude!”

“Y/n-”

“Ah!”

      I cut him off as I moved to sit beside him. I’ve used my dumb antics the stall long enough for me to somewhat get my thoughts together so now its time to be serious. I take a hold of his hand and wait until he looks at me before I speak.

“Felix I’m gonna be honest. The thought of us being together like that never crossed my mind, not to say I don’t find you attractive cause I am very vocal with the fact I find you aesthetically pleasing and I mean yeah there were times you’ve made my heart flutter but I don’t want to accept your feelings on a whim. You deserve better than that.”

      I knew he knew I was flustered, I was rambling for god’s sake. Do you blame me though? I really haven’t thought of him like that but the more I think about it the more I realize that I don’t hate the thought of it like most long term friends do. More so, I kind of like the thought of it… but what if it’s me just being like that because I just had my heart broken? Felix is definitely not rebound. While my mind continued to whir, Felix sat in silence as the weight of my words sank in. It was a few moments before he carefully spoke up.

“So you’re saying I don’t have a chance?”

“I- no. Maybe. I don’t know. I’ve just… the more thought I put into this the more I don’t hate the idea which usually doesn't happen between best friends who don’t have feelings for each other but at the same time I don’t want to tell you right now cause I just got my heartbroken by some idiot I’ve only gone on one date with, you know?”

“So you’re saying I’m rebound?”

“Why don’t you get it?! I’m saying you have a chance just maybe give me time to organize my life will you?”

      At my frustrated confession, his puppy face broke into one of probably the most breathtaking smiles he’s ever given me and one hundred percent it made my heart flutter… that is, until he opened his mouth.

“I got it, I just wanted to hear you say it again.”

“LIX! You cheeky brat!”

[creativenicocorner]

Slides a ⭐ for a star person :p

Holy shit it took over a year and I barely remember which fanfic ask this is about...I think it's like a director's cut one? REGARDLESS! I do remember the star was to like talk about whatever - and while looking for a WIP I came across an attempt to answer this WITHIN a wip? Past Nico what were you thinking?!

I do know this was written sometime before Ch15 of Terpsichore came out, because there were a few references? But I rephrased the wording a bit.

Forgive me for using this as an excuse to just babble on about how I choose the music titles for chapter sections in Terpsichore, but also, I'm not entirely sorry haha Without further Ado! Here’s hoping this rambling makes sense haha!!

⭐ AN ANSWER!（♥￫ｏ￩♥）

So it’s taken me a long time to figure out how I wanted to answer this. For a while I was going to ramble about M*A*S*H how it was a rather formative show for me growing up, especially in its anti-war message as well as how it feels like a comedy played in a minor key. There was even going to be a link to a video essay on the show, and then I was going to hint at a want to write a series following the changelings in a pre-show context in the sort of vibe M*A*S*H gave.

But it got lost, and weighty…and…idk, I can’t seem to stick to a lot of things these days? I don’t know.

But there’s always been in me the want to attempt to explain why I choose the music pieces I choose to title the sections in each chapter. Cause despite the little message at the bottom of the first chapter and the last chapter talking about motifs leitmotifs…writing prose is nothing like composing music.

And not only that I’m sure less than half of the people reading the fic will listen along with the playlist. Which is 100000% fine! I anticipate it even!

Because at best, those sectional pieces serve less as soundtrack more like a silent movie’s musical medley.

Because it’s the written word, and I’m not Andrew Hussie ldgj though the day I find out how to put a little ‘play button’ to listen to music during a fic, I might do that. But at this point in time Hell No haha.

Despite this, there is a process behind my music selections.

There is a difference between what I consider ‘corpse de ballet’/ ‘ensemble’ sections, and ‘leads’ / ‘duet’ sections.

Or what my poor readers go through as ‘a shit ton of prospective shifts’ and two prospectives at best, at the same time. I don’t know why I’m such a fan of bouncing between perspectives so much that you probably feel seasick. I always consider it a miracle anyone understands what the heck is going on dfjglk The answer is probably because I like third person omniscient writing, and am a sucker for situational/character irony. But I’m also a grammar school drop out haha and don’t actually know the rules of writing by heart? I’m just a fool with a bunch of vibes and a dictionary doing their best lol.

[ stressed coffee sip ] Fake it til you make it baby

But yeah! Enough borderline weird self deprecating! Let’s talk music!!

So! Usually when writing a section I try and think about who are the central characters in the section, and or what is the theme/emotion I’m trying to call on. Is there a motif, or a reference I can play on musically? An idea or concept I can echo or even enhance? Will it be a specific genera of music tied to a character because that character embodies and or is known for a specific genera (example: Nomura and Opera- more on that at during ACTII )

Once I answer those questions, I’m able to narrow down my music choices. Which, again, acts more like a book of suggested musical medley orchestras and musicians would purchase during the silent movie era as like a cheat sheet of what they could play during a specific scene.

So…for instance, for a character like Barbara Lake I wouldn’t use video game music -or maybe I could…but it would only be in terms of perhaps referencing her son.- who I would have a higher chance at choosing to select a video game music piece for (hang on to your butts ACT II Zelda soundtrack).

In the fic I’ve built the idea that in order to explain Barbara’s ability to paint, that she not only took classes but was part of the production team in putting on a play, mainly in set design painting props. Which opens me to a world of musical options when it comes to Barbara’s character. Especially when certain musicals hold songs that can be really fitting to her character later on. An example of this can be seen in ch3 “Aquarius”, and ch14 “Julia”.

Ch3 is Barbara’s big planned picnic date. The first date she and Walter go on after she ingested the binding spell. The two of them coming together, but also the magic of which awakening something magical inside.

And Ch14 in which the binding spell is broken, but also whatever was holding Barbara’s potential to reaching towards that magical something inside her is also broken. And in a sort of my own attempt at written diegesis between the narrative and the song selections in the sections, the lyrics to Aquarius is written out as Barbara depends into the water. In which it is no longer the dawning of Aquarius, Aquarius is starting to take center stage. Their cue is played.

That would be my example on a very character driven musical choice.

Not only that, but it is at Ch3 where Walter is influenced more and more to Barbara’s appreciation to musicals, so much so that it begins to influence his own array of music pieces. His dreams no longer dialogue from movies he fell asleep to, but sometimes full on reproductions of staged musicals and plays. An example of this can be seen in Ch11 On the Right Track from Pippin the Musical - which oof I could go into a full dissertation on in regards to changelings/Pippin and The Pale Lady/Leading Player.

Not only that, but due to influence from Barbara’s love we get the moment of Walter’s ‘I want’ section piece in the form of Ch9 “Corner of the Sky” (aka Pippin’s I want song as well). The moment before this happened there was the interaction with Angor AND Otto AND the repercussions of Angor attacking the school. It is clear to these characters that Strickler is not giving his all in killing Jim, and perhaps never tried to give his all. Something that Otto proclaims as Strickler making excuses, and Strickler insists is tact.

Then there is the situational character driven choice.

I’m going to continue to use Barbara as an example here, and say that THIS can be seen in Ch2 “No. 9 – Finale Andante” and ch12 “Le Lac Des Cygnes Introduction: Moderato Assai”

Both of these music pieces come from Swan Lake. The reasoning behind the choice is probably asinine in thought process (Barbara Lake, Swan Lake), but also thought out in the sense of the following:

In Season3 of Trollhunters Morgana, in order to attempt to reacquire her shadow staff from Strickler (“The Exorcism of Clair Nuñez), transforms herself to take Barbara Lake’s physical form.

IN THE BALLET SWAN LAKE The wizard Von Rothbart, in order to obtain what they want, transforms (granted someone else) Odile to look like the hero Odette in order to trick the prince into proclaiming this imposter Odile as their one true love. In which Odile is the mirror to Odette, and while looking similar (in fact typically the ballerina who performs as Oddette would also perform as Odile) are opposites in spirit.

And, at least in Terpsichore, what near primordial eldritch force can rival that of the Eldritch Queen that we know from cannon will inevitably impersonate Barbara Lake?

But wait, there’s more.

In chapter 2 the piece used in section 2 is the end of ACTI from Swan Lake. The music hints not only the arrival of Odette, but also her inevitable tragedy. What is written in this section, briefly at that cause we watched how the scene plays out in the show, you don’t need me writing that back at you, but I digress- What is WRITTEN in this section is Barbara sipping the enchanted tea that binds herself to Waltolomew Strickler. Something that you, the viewer and fan will know ends in tragedy, as do I the writer and also fan knows will end in tragedy. The only people out of the loop here are the poor poor characters.

And then the revolving door of bad situations that is ch12 happens, and we return to Swan Lake with “Le Lac Des Cygnes Introduction” In which Barbara is introduced to Jim Lake’s Trollhunting world, finally. But wait! There’s EVEN more.

Because not only is Barbara introduced to Jim’s Trollhunting world, Barbara begins to allow herself an introduction to that weird magical more that’s inside her via dream. And YOU/WE the reader/writer/audience, are introduced to the strange figure Giselle is talking to on the beach of Lake Superior…who…well, you’ve probably already have an idea as to who that figure is ;)c

There are also moments when I just select a song piece because I think it fits Thematially well - ch11’s “Powerhouse” section. Aka the music that plays in Looney Tunes whenever an assembly line montage occurs - to which in that section Jim Draal and Walter are putting together the booby-traps to thwart Angor Rot (as well as try to reassemble some sort of emotional connection between them). Or it could be a reference to a meme I really enjoyed, example Ch12’s “Roundabout” aka the music piece known vernacularly as “The Jojo Meme” but also like…meme aside it’s really good and fits and just lkfgjkgsdj I have a lot of feels about Roundabout and I won’t apologize for it haha

And yet, something I pride myself in, is that you don’t need to know all of this to enjoy the story. It isn’t necessary to listen to the Swan Lake pieces or even the Musicals, or even the Jojo Meme. Because, if I did my job right, those echoes ought to be in the writing. The pieces to the section have always been optional. Just little markings in a booklet to be given to you the reader/composer as a suggestion and you can choose to play those pieces along to the silent film, or boot up a ragtime. And that’s the power you have. And that’s equally as wonderful!

[b-rainlet]

📓📓📓📓

- the-scarecrxw

(Since you sent 4 of those emojis I'm gonna go off but I'll stick to one in this answer and make seperate posts for the others aksnsns)

I can't give you anything Jonathan centric (that isn't Tommy/Jonathan, one of my fave rarepairs) but Jerome features in lots of my AUs.

This one is one of my faves that's entirely self-indulgent and if it ever gets written it's probably gonna be the longest fic I ever published (Again: If it ever gets written):

I gotta apologize in advance, it's just a fun little AU I haven't put too much thoughts into in terms of plotting so this is gonna be A. Long, B. Messy and C. A little chaotic

- First off, you gotta understand that @nsfwitchy2 Me had some fun with a pretty nonsensical and definitely not canon-compliant AU where Jerome and Jeremiah have three Mums (Tabby, Lee and Barbara, who all date) and live with them and Barbara Lee as their little sister.

- Ecco also lives with them, she sees herself as both the twins' gf more than a genuine part of the family tho (for now)

- (Meanwhile at Wayne Manor Alfred and Jim date and are very tired parents of Bruce and his clone 514A, in this AU - and pretty much every AU - nicknamed Brook)

- (Selina kinda goes back and forth between living at Wayne Manor or at Lee's place)

- Also, everyone dates. The twins. The clones. Eccomiah, Jecco, Batcat, Valeyne, Wayleska, they're all fucking

- Which isn't THAT important for this particular AU but I figured I'd give a warning xD

- This is mostly my attempt to give Tabitha some more backstory? Just...how I personally see her character and how I could see her end up if things would've went differently after S2

- The google docs file is called 'How Tabitha started being a Mum while disregarding canon completely' lmao

- Like her current life involves having 4 kids (if you count Selina) and two wives and that's a hell of an AU and I just like to overthink things and play with the way things would have needed to have gone in canon to have her 'end up' like this

- Also I can see her struggling with having a family all if a sudden (that isn't a manipulative brother or a weird cult)

-Especially if that involves Motherhood

- So on one hand it's a 'S2 until now' fic, explaining what happened to her in my canon

- But also - mostly because I find that easier to organize in my brain - it's interwoven with a 5+1-esque fic of all her children calling her 'Mum' (and her getting emotional over that)

- So it switches back and forth between the past and the present but for rambling's sake, I'll start with the past

- She still leaves Theo behind and flees with Silver but she keeps Silver close instead of immediately sending her away

- And her and Silver get taken in by Fish after they leave Theo because they have nowhere to go and Fish loves taking care of strays

- (Fish, who probably didn't end up in Indian Hill but rather lives in hiding until she is ready to strike against Penguin)

- She refers to herself as Liza's Mother in canon, you can't tell me she wouldn't instantly adopt Tabby and call her 'Honey' and give her motherly advice while Tabby tries to be all bite but actually enjoys somebody taking care of her for once

- Selina🤝Tabby

'Trying so very hard all the time to not show how soft and insecure they are'

- Actually, I'd start diverting from Canon even sooner aksnsjd

- Well not full on changing canon, but I'd...pepper in some stuff

- Like some scenes of her back with Theo and the Maniax

- Mostly her talking to Theo about Jerome's planned murder, which, yeah, she knows it's been set in stone from the beginning but that doesn't mean that she isn't talking about alternatives where he doesn't get killed off

- And Theo's like "Don't tell me you're going soft. No one will miss him. He was just a boy. Not worthy enough to be remembered."

- And later on she betrays him and goes 'I remember him'

- Anyway, they stay with Fish for a while but Tabby doesn't wanna keep Silver in Gotham

- So she sends her back to the school she went to before coming to Gotham with Theo (but makes sure their weird cult can't get their hands on her there)

- And Silver wants her to come with but Tabby says she has some unfinished business

- Aka she just doesn't wanna leave Barbara (who is in a coma atm, if Memory serves right)

- And Tabby's reasoning is that it's not safe in Gotham but really, she thinks she can't be responsible for another person

- "She needs a mother. A Family. I can't give her that." - "You are her family."

- So Silver's out of the picture and Tabby hangs with Fish until Barbara wakes up and they get together again (and never ever seperate)

- Also there's no Butch/Tabby because that was unnecessary as fuck

- And I gotta be honest, I haven't thought more about canon because Butch/Tabby alone makes my head hurt already but somehow they start dating Lee

- Who brings Jerome into the relationship because I sure am fond of Lee being Jerome's Mother (like as in, I have several wips with that concept alone not counting this one)

- Jerome probably came back to life after S3 and Lee fought to have him not be treated like a violent criminal but rather a child who was taken advantage of and after his release from Arkham (where she visited him and made sure he got some proper treatment) it seemed natural to have him live with her

- (But also he's still a criminal aksnsjs, you can see how much I thought about this)

- (Sue me for sticking to the heartfelt scenes and avoiding the mess that is plotting)

- Tabby and Barbara already had Selina and through Jerome, Jeremiah and Ecco were added et voila! Their Family is complete

- (Why exactly Barbara Lee exists if Tabby and Barbara have been non-stop dating since S2 I can't tell you, I simply think she is neat and I like the idea of big brother Jerome)

- (This AU? Self-indulgent? Why would you ever think that?)

- In the present however she is dealing with what is mostly referred to as 'feelings'

- Mostly panic at realizing that the bunch of weird children she's been living with are seeing her as some kind of parental figure

- Because suddenly they all call her 'Mum'

- Unsurprisingly the first one to call her Mum is Jerome at breakfast

- She's reading the newspaper and there's an article about a hostage situation the twins planned and he goes 'Mum, are you done with that? Can we see?'

- And they snatch it from her and argue about how they didn't even make the front page while Tabby nearly chokes on her coffee

- And of course she breaks down talks to her wives about it later while they get ready for bed because no one ever called her 'Mum' before

- Barbara's braiding her hair, while Lee's off to the side, getting ready for bed and it's very domestic and I am very gay

- But neither see it as a big deal because both of them have been called Mum before (by Jerome at least. Like. Immediately upon meeting them)

- So she's trying to be nonchalant about it because it's only a big deal if she makes it one

- While also not being able to deny the warm feeling that spreads throughout her body when Jerome keeps calling her 'Mum'

- Miah and Selina on the other hand are both hesitant to call anyone Mum

- Miah cause of Pride, Selina cause of her Mummy Issues

- But they both do at some point

- I think I have more notes on this SOMEWHERE but I kinda wanna have Miah call her Mum while he's ill (because we all know he'd be super fussy and want attention 24/7)

- So she humours him and while he's close to falling asleep - and she's totally not carding her fingers through his hair because she isn't soft or anything - he mumbles: "Thank you Mum" and she melts

- Selina would be more angsty

- Like, maybe it's her birthday and she disappears for a while (as she tends to do) but Tabby (who's closest to her) knows how hard this day is for her (since again her Mum isn't there with here and looks for her and brings her back home but doesn't make a big fuss out of her birthday

- Just...lets her be, gives her space but also lets her curl up close to her and maybe Selina doesn't call her Mum on that exact day

- But it's the day she realizes she wouldn't mind calling Tabitha her Mother, so she hesitantly tries it out a while later (maybe days, maybe weeks, however long it takes for her to feel comfortable with it) and they share a smile

- Then there's Barbara Lee, but she barely counts because she's a toddler and calls everyone 'Mummy'

- Even her father ajsnsnsn

- The last one would be Ecco because I have a very soft spot for Tabby and Ecco being close

- Ecco's rather formal with them for the longest time (she calls Barbara, Lee and Tabby 'Ma'am' for the most part because she may like them, but she doesn't think they see her as family. She's just the token girlfriend).

- So there's a scene where they connect, possibly over Tabby's hand and Ecco's head since I hc that Ecco gets headaches and migraines a lot (considering that she still gets shot in the head by Miah, like I said, this AU isn't necessarily the most bullet proof in terms of linear timelines)

- But so is Gotham so-

- So there's possibly a scene where Ecco's headache is getting super bad and no one's around (especially not Miah to dote on her) and Tabby awkwardly tries to bond by telling her about her hand and how she can't feel much (is a little clumsy with it) and Ecco immediately imprints on her like a duckling

- Maybe it's even the first time anyone reached out to Ecco in a way that feels genuine, especially without the twins or any of her (various) other partners being present so now she's willing to die for Tabby

- Which ends in her also calling her 'Mum' (while she keeps calling Lee and Barbara 'Ma'am' and Lee's so mad ajsnsjdj she was trying so hard to bond with this kid but couldn't quite get it right and you're telling her her socially pretty clumsy - but still wonderful of course - wife managed with just one conversation?? Slander

- And of course because I can't stop myself, there would be even more tidbits here and there of Tabby overcoming her previous way of living (as in, thinking caring or showing emotions is weakness) by having her reminisce a LOT about Theo

- For example by having Jerome climb into bed with her while Barbara's sleeping and Tabby is waiting for Lee to come home

- Lee works as a doc in the narrows which may be a little illegal, but the people didn't just stop needing help after her Queen of the Narrows arc was over, so I vote she keeps at it (and is held in very high regard for it by pretty much everyone)

- Tabby always stays up until everyone is home because she likes knowing where everyone is and that they're safe while Jerome has frequent nightmares and wanders around the house, so this isn't a rare occurrence

- And sometimes, they talk Theo

- "You miss him?" - "Don't know."

- "I wish he was still alive so I could kill him." - "....Me too." - "Which one?" - "...Both."

- (ajajsbssj this is all just copy pasted and cleaned up a lil', leave me and my pretentious way of writing dialogue alone)

- Tabby also has a lot of interludes where she thinks about what growing up with Theo was like/her childhood in general

- How she always protected him from other children bullying him and how they swore to have each other's back but how in hindsight, she was the one doing all the dirty work for him, helping him fulfill his dream and enact his revenge

- Realizing that he probably never cared for her, not like she cared for him

- There's also allusions to them having sex because you cannot tell me they did NOT have sex

- And it ends with Tabby realizing that she is quite happy with how she ended up, even if it's neither how she thought she would ever live nor what her old self would've even wanted, possibly seeing too many attachments as 'weak' judging by the way she canonly used Butch for convenience sake at first

- And yeah, maybe now she can provide the family - the Mother - somebody else desperately needs

- So she brings Silver home

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

OC Master List

Obviously if you’ve followed me for any length of time you will know that I have a really nasty habit of making characters of my own design. I love to be creative and make my own realities through this medium. It’s actually one of my favorite things to do. I’ve wanted to make this for a while because my friends sometimes get confused as to which OC that I’m talking about so this is the master list for everybody. 

My Hero Academia: If I have any fandom where most of my OCs go it’s into the MHA fandom. I have currently five OCs in this show so let’s talk about them one by one. 

Mitsuki Haruka: My first OC that I truly ever created and invented with the knowledge of doing it. Mitsu has a really special place in my heart because she was the first and the one that I work for the most in this fandom usually. Her comfort character is Katara from Avatar The Last Airbender. Her quirk is water. She can pretty much do anything with water. She can heat it, freeze it, glide around on it, whip it out of her and use something that I stole from Fairy Tail called waterlock where she locks a person inside of a body of water. Her canon partner is Tenya Iida my favorite square boi. I often talk about her with her adopted brother and my amazing friend @bio-hazard0us OC Kaku. 

Violet Katsuragi: Violet is one that I don’t really talk about in great detail a whole lot because every time I try to I cry. Her family is a massive shit show and I always feel so bad for making it that way.  I’m always like “My poor baby who is making you suffer so much-oh yeah it’s me sorry about that babe.” She is my “villain” OC. She is really only a member of the league so that she can stay close with her boyfriend and love of her life Twice (Jin). Her quirk is that she can control the plant tattoos that are on her arms by summoning them and using them in combat. Her comfort character is Mary Poppins because it reminds her of her older brother. Violet is an actress for a local community theater once the league disbands quietly. She and Jin also adopt Toga (a younger member of the villain league) as their own daughter to give her a second chance at life. I love her even though she’s the saddest backstory one that I have to work with it’s also the most fulfilling when I write fluff for her. 

Shizuko Kanade: Another absolute baby with a crappy home life. I’m sorry that I made it that way hun but it gets better for you I promise. Shizuko is my quirkless OC and my genius tech girl. She lives below her best friend and brother in arms Denki Kaminari and they’ve been best friends since they moved into the same building together. Her comfort character is PJ from the Goof franchise especially from Goof Troop that was her favorite show to watch with her aunt when she was growing up. She starts off really chubby, the cute kind of chubby but starts drastically dropping pounds in order for her parents to love and accept her. When they still don’t Denki has enough and talks to his mom and they decide to call the police and foster Shizuko into their own home. They get a restraining order against her biological family and my best girl gets a happy home. She wants to be the first quirkless hero to rely completely on support items. (She is also partnered with Shoji if anybody is curious.)

Arashi Mitsuha: This absolute baby, I love them. Ari is my gender fluid OC that I made who started off as just your everyday cis male but then I had an idea that spiraled from Ari in eyeliner to Ari in a skirt and then we wound up with the gender fluid absolute icon that they are today. Ari has a weather quirk. Basically anything involving weather they can do it with their eyes closed. Thunder and lightning storms, tsunamis, tornados but also snow and sunshine. They’re really OP and hella versatile it makes it more fun to write their fighting style. I paired them up with Denki in your stereotypical meet-cute scenario. In terms of backstory they just had a really bad ex-boyfriend before Denki came into their life like a literal speeding bullet. Their comfort character is Hedwig from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. 

Litzy Diaz: My last and FINAL MHA OC I promise you. Litzy is from a small town in Mexico and transferred to UA giving herself a second chance to start anew with her new friends and away from her toxic parents. She is fostered by Aizawa and Present Mic who have already adopted Shinsou so they are brother and sister in every way but blood. Her quirk was very heavily inspired by my love of Dr Facilier in Princess And The Frog. She can control shadows, shadow travel through things such as walls and she can control her friends on the other side basically demons from the underworld. Present Mic sees her as his long lost daughter and basically worships the ground that she walks on. He loves her more than anything in the entire world. Her comfort character is Miguel from Coco and La Muerte from Book Of Life. Her canon partner is Juso from Class B. 

DuckTales: I only have one DuckTales OC (thank the Gods) but she’s very special and important to me. I love the reboot of this show even if I’m way the hell behind on it (I promise I’ll catch up after Gravity Falls Donuts!!). 

Sabrina Duck: Sabrina is a sister for Huey, Dewey and Louie!! She shares the title of oldest quadruplet by thirty seconds and often took over the motherly role for her siblings when their mom wasn’t there. She was always reminding them to do their homework, regulated who got TV time and who was in charge of the delegated family movie night. This resulted in a rift between her and her brother Dewey that only got bigger overtime. School was really hard for her to deal with. She was never the best at paying attention during her classes and had a really bad sensory overload one day. She was really close with her uncle Ludwig though and he offered to teach her. They have a really special bond between the two of them that I love writing for. Sabrina was the person that grounded Ludwig to not think up as many crazy inventions. She also knits!! She loves knitting sweaters for her friends and family around the holidays. I am partnering her up with Gosalyn eventually. 

Star Vs The Forces Of Evil: To be perfectly honest with you guys, I have not seen the entire show. It’s really hard for me to get into it. Because when you only really love one character in the entire thing it gets harder to keep coming back for more. Especially because in the first two seasons you don’t get a whole lot of him and I’m stuck on season 2. 

Allania (Nia) Alvez: I feel like out of all my OCs I am the most like Nia. She’s a half elf-half mortal princess that isn’t allowed to live with the elves so they sent her to live with her mortal father. Her dad’s run a bakery in town and she works there as an assistant baker when she isn’t preparing for her next drag show. She grew up in this family full of love and acceptance and grew excited about one day having a relationship just like her parents. Her first brush with love left her broken by the side of the road even though no relationship came of it. A lot of my feelings for my ex-best friend went into Nia’s personality. However, there is a bright side! Of course with every one of my fics so far there is a bright side that comes in the form of my favorite character Tom who gives her the love that she deserves. 

Animaniacs: Of course this is me we’re talking about so there has to be an Animaniacs OC on this list! This is actually the first character that I ever made on my own free will! She has changed a lot throughout the years that I’ve had her mostly because my tastes have changed.  

Elizabeth Martin: Lizzy is a member of the scene crowd, I was inspired by my best friend and what she wears every day. For the modern au that I have her in her and Yakko are dance partners in a musical theater style school. For the regular fic she’s cast as his love interest. I love this girl so much. To me she is everything that I want to be even now. Her strength and confidence to get through every situation, even the ones that she is afraid to deal with speaks volumes to how I want to be one day. One of the few things that we have in common is that we both did martial arts! She stuck with it for longer than me though and is currently a green belt in kempo karate. Her favorite musical is Fun Home because it’s the one that she relates to the most through the eyes of the mother Helen Beckdal. Her parents basically had three other kids and went here take care of these it’s your job. Every time I listen to Days and Days I think of how much she had to go through just to make sure that everything was going according to plan. 

Looney Toons: Who doesn’t love Looney Toons?! We all have our personal favorite characters, mine has always been the schemer Daffy Duck. I thought that he was a combination of the funniest and had the most personality other than Bugs. I love his antics and get rich quick schemes and I thought to myself one day “How cute would it be if he had an adorable little niece who loved space?!” 

Daniella Duck: This began the creation of one of the best ideas that I personally think that I have ever had. So Daniella is the only one out of all my OCs that does not have aspergers. Instead I looked at Daffy’s elongated tongue and was like “Hm something inside of me thinks that she would have down-syndrome...” At first she was just going to have a little bit of her uncle’s speech impediment but this is what happens when I get ideas when I’m working out. Daniella lives with her uncle on the warner movie lot in the show fic. I love writing for her and her uncle’s relationship because it’s soft Daffy (it’s very similar to writing for soft Grunkle Stan and I LOVE BOTH). Daniella also has an uncle figure in Bugs and Porky of course. I gave her canon partner to Wakko because I just thought that they would be SO cute together. He helps her work on her self confidence and working her way around her speech impediment. In the modern au that I have she has a brother Ding Dong (@oo-fabooo02 OC). She goes to school with Wakko, loves Ed, Ed N Eddy, helps her uncle on his podcast because Daffy is a comedian in this au and she helps him write his script for the episodes. She loves space in both aus but in the modern au she actually is able to become an astronaut! 

Teen Titans\Promare: I have the same OC for both Teen Titans and for Promare but she’s more for Promare right now. What started off as just a happy au that she could have with her comfort character from the TT fic sort of spiraled into this whole other au. 

Keiko Katsuragi\Fotia in the Promare au: Keiko is a really special OC in my heart. She’s adorable, fun loving, sweet and just an all around amazing girl. In the Teen Titans au she’s a lot more damaged emotionally. Her father gave her powers through a serum that she didn’t even really want (she thought that he was joking) and it caused her house to burn down. When she left Japan she was homeless until the Teen Titans found her. Keiko is a member of the decora community and loves cutesy, girly things (especially Pokémon, Sanrio characters, Spongebob, Strawberry Shortcake and Care Bears). Her collection of stuffed animals is immense and intimidating. Her canon partner is Beast Boy. I’ve had Keiko since I was six and only just started to refine her and make her into an official OC. Promare au Keiko still has BB as her partner but I made him into a fire fighter for this au to work. She started off in a poly relationship with Meis and Gueira but I changed my mind. Writing the Promare au gave me the chance to make a happy unscarred Keiko. Her comfort character in this au is Dot. 

Princess And The Frog: If you forced me to pick a favorite Disney movie this one would be one of the two answers that I gave to you. I have a very big soft spot for this movie in particular. It is one that changed my life when I sat there as a young child and watched the movie unfold in front of my very eyes. Every time I rewatch this movie I am reminded of how much of my childhood I spent loving hand drawn Disney animation. 

Rhiannon (Rae): Rae is the daughter of Tiana and Naveen. I named her after Raymond the firefly. If you knew what a big comfort character my favorite cajun firefly is for me and my mom then her name will come as no surprise. She is the baker and pastry chef for Tiana’s Palace. Rae is a multi musically talented young girl she plays the ukulele, trumpet and accordion. When I first started writing for her I knew that I wanted her to be bisexual. So I turned to one of my favorite animation fun facts that I know. When Jim Cummings was first auditioning for Raymond they had him sing a song. This song that he sang is by Leon Russel and it’s called Cajun Love Song. It is also the song that he sings when he is untying Tiana and Naveen’s tongues. The song is about a girl named Alice. And part of my brain that makes these connections went perfect! That’ll be the name of her girlfriend. Rae is mostly a daddy’s girl. The relationship between her and Naveen was really what helped me refine her personality. Her comfort character is Rabbit from Winnie The Pooh. She is a gardener in her free time and that’s where she gets a majority of her fresh fruits and vegetables for her pastries and desserts. She isn’t really the best at being a princess. In fact she hates when she has to go and visit Maldonia. She doesn’t feel at home there and they won’t let her cook or bake anything at all because it’s not seen as ladylike. This is when she mostly feels like something is wrong with her. Why can’t she just do this one seemingly simple thing for her dad? When he does so much for her why can’t she do this? She learns that even though she isn’t perfect she is so very much loved that it’s ridiculous. Her family loves her so much and they’re willing to move hell or high water for her to be comfortable. 

Gravity Falls: My most recent obsession (I did not have cable when the original show was being released please don’t kill me). I have recently been binging this show on Disney+ and have just started the second season. I hope to be done with it within the next week or so because I love it so much. My favorite character so far is definitely Grunkle Stan. I love his growth and development from a power hungry greedy old man to somebody that clearly loves the kids that are put under his care. Watching his adorable relationship with mother and the father son relationship with Dipper is something that is really close to my heart.

Twilight Pines: My most recent OC!! Twilight is the older sister of Mabel and Dipper and has been visiting Grunkle Stan for years prior to the start of the show. She’s used to his money scheming antics by now but she still loves her favorite Grunkle. Growing up, Twilight had a nervous stutter. She was shy, nervous a lot, socially awkward and was never really the best at dealing with other people. This made her comfort character Piglet from Winnie The Pooh. Her stutter is still there but it’s gotten a lot better!! She spent the year before the show starts at drama camp trying to get over her stutter. While it’s not gone completely it was a lot of progress. She has a really strong relationship with her caretaker for the summer because of the years that she’s spent with him in the past. Up until Mabel went with her for the summer she thought that she would be the only niece in his heart. See, after Mabel was born she took up a lot of the attention. Everyone wanted to look at the cute one instead of the nervous one. It’s just the way that life is. But during the summer she got to spend it being the favorite relative of somebody. When she notices how close Mabel and Stan are getting that’s when she knows that it’s over. She was naive to ever think that somebody would pick her as the favorite. Not when Mabel existed alongside her. It’s not that she doesn’t love Mabel because she clearly does. It’s just that well sometimes she wants to be loved and appreciated by her parents instead of constantly being sidelined. That’s why her summers with her Grunkle were so important to her. It was just three months out of the year. But for those three months working at the Mystery Shack and having all kinds of chaotic fun were the highlight of her year. She has to learn that she has her own values too. One’s that while don’t oversell her sister are still her’s and they are still beautiful. She learns that her parents love and care about her just as much as her sister. It’s just hard to be a show stealer in this house let’s be honest. Twilight is a pansexual and her canon partner is Wendy. 

[cominguproses13x]

A statement about the future of I’ll Find You in the Morning Sun

Jesus this might be such a narcissistic post and I might get yelled at for thinking about IFYMS right now but I am thinking about it.

Because quite honestly? I gave up on the show a long time ago and I gave up on the actors/crew a long time ago too. Once I finished with IFYMS (and any prompts) I was completely happy to distance myself from the 100 fandom. It’s the most toxic one I’ve ever seen and it makes me feel sick sometimes.

I have put hours and hours and hours of work into IFYMS. So fucking long. As have many other writers I understand. But this story rooted itself so deeply into my heart, and I hate it 80% of the time but it’s still a part of me.

It’s the first writing project I’ve ever really pursued as more than just an idea. And I have grown so much as a writer just from this story- seriously read chapter one and then read chapter 52 (or the last one because that one is probably the most well written if it comes out). I’m not saying I’m good. I’m just saying this story helped me to learn and evolve and fucking grow up in terms of writing.

Like I’ve said recently, I have already given up on canon Bellarke. Even if they were to get together now it wouldn’t be what I saw in the first half of the story.

And the characters in IFYMS I’ve worked so hard on them, they are the characters I’m taking away from the 100.

So now I’m left feeling very empty.

Not just because of what has been released. But also because of the behaviour of the people in this fandom. It has become so militant, this take our side or rot in hell attitude and I’m not saying everyone has it but it is loud enough to take dominance.

I’m disappointed to see the creativity get leeched out in this way.

So I’m stuck right now.

Because I want my story to have the ending it does. I want my story to have the readership that it does. I want my story to have integrity and be clean of the toxicity woven between the strands of this fandom.

Part of me is tempted to rewrite it with OCs and release it somewhere else for free. Part of me is tempted to take it down entirely. I feel like finishing it in the way that I was planning to would tarnish the entire experience.

I am not defending Bob. I am not engaging in the taking of sides because I’ve seen this play out so many times, where people just hop between the two every week until careers are destroyed and souls are crushed.

Their personal lives are not our commodity.

This entire issue, I feel, should not have been dealt with publicly. It’s serious and has real repercussions no matter what.

And I feel this entire situation has contaminated my ability to tell the story I wanted to tell with the characters I wanted to tell it with. I understand the whole separating the actors from the characters and the difference between fiction and non fiction. I do. But I hate knowing that some of the people who are engaging with the story are ones who are also sending death threats and are abusing platforms that should never be intended to be used negatively, and should definitely never be used to censor opinions and discourse, which really is what I’m seeing atm.

I am devastated. I am fucking devastated.

I don’t want people to read my story and then feel ashamed because of the characters they’re picturing.

So I’m posting this rant because I don’t have a fucking clue what to do.

I really don’t.

I considered tonight, just posting the rest of it all and leaving it there forgotten, but I very selfishly don’t want to do that. I also feel like the time and effort that has gone into it has warranted more than that.

If you have an opinion on what I should do with the story, share it.

It doesn’t feel as simple to me as just keep posting and pretend like this entire fandom isn’t fractured and falling apart. Even if the fic is a minor thing to literally everyone else, it isn’t to me. And I refuse to pretend it is. It is my only remaining attachment to the entire fandom and it is representative of so much. 

I don’t hate Bob Morley. (I quite honestly never particularly liked him. He never seemed like someone I would get on with if we met in a bar, but I never had anything against him.) And I don’t want to feel guilty because of that. But I do. And I hate that.

Edit: I’d also like to add that I’m fucking angry. Because this has negatively impacted my view of my own fucking work and I’ll never lose that. The entire IFYMS experience has been weakened, and I’m infuriated.

If anyone can give this a signal boost to let other readers know I’d really appreciate that.

It’d really help if I could get some advice on this. I think I’ve made it pretty clear how lost I’m feeling.

Seriously any and all opinions welcome. Even if it’s just a “shut the fuck up and stop being petty”- I probably need to hear it.

[cescalr]

Why Is Draco Malfoy So Underrated?

A repost of a Quora answer because Quora hates me for some reason

@vivithefolle​ i take little convincing here I go -

SO!

You. Yeah, you. You, nebulous quora questioner, you think Malfoy is underrated, do you? Well I, CescaLR, am here to set the record straight. The following is the answer I posted to Quora, that was flagged with ‘answer may need improvement’, which means some asshole was trawling the answers to the question posted and didn’t like mine so they had the moderators hide it because said person doesn’t like differing opinions. This post is thereby an archive, so if my answer is never again allowed to see the light of day on Quora, at least my maths is visible elsewhere. 

Hopefully, this entertains you, tumblr user reading this post. Also, as fair warning, if you do like Draco Malfoy and somehow stumbled across this post, I recommend skipping it. 

Why is Draco Malfoy so underrated?

Fleur Lee-Ranger

Author of 857406 words of fanfiction and counting.

ANSWER:

HAHAHAHA.

Ha.

Ha.

hah…..

For god’s sake, I hope you’re not serious.

Let’s look at YouTube, first:

Does 2.2 million f*cking views on a woobie Draco edit seem like he’s underrated to you? Any character that gets 2.2 million views on an edit that interprets the character in a sympathetic, caring light…. Jesus Christ. They’re not underrated.

You could make a clear argument for them being overrated, by matter of fact!

The first result is his entire life story, and a redemption of the Malfoy family as a whole, and it’s… super popular!

look at that! 70k likes versus 1.7k dislikes. Let’s use my favourite maths thing once again: Ratios!!

(I hate ratios. The things I do to prove a point, eh?)

This video has 5201431 million views. It has around 70k likes, 1.1k dislikes. We’ll round 5201431, as 70k and 1.1k are both rounded numbers and I can’t be bothered to deal with numbers that are too complicated right now, it’s nearly nine pm. 5201431 -> 5.2 million. It’s the rounded number YouTube itself uses on the search page - check the first image if you don’t believe me, and since YouTube thinks that’s good enough, so will we.

5200000 : 70000 : 1100

52000 : 700 : 11

Divide all by 11 (and round awkward numbers, because we’re already dealing in rounded numbers anyway, which is kind of bad practice, but it’ll do for this context):

4,727 : 64 : 1

As I’ve proven before (not on Quora, you can probably find it in the comments of one of my fanfictions, I’ll end up moving it over here one day when I find the right question), fandom content engagement rates are always pretty bad. But honestly? every four thousand or so views, you get 64 likes, compared to just one dislike. That’s great! That’s incredible! I’d kill for those kinds of ratings!!

(Draco’d probably wimp out, though. hehe. Jokes, jokes.)

As for his woobie video:

2.3m : 152k : 715

2300000 : 153000 : 715

Nice, don’t need to remove any superfluous zeroes. Bad, for… well, your hypothesis, to put it nicely, since that means there are only seven hundred and fifteen goddamn dislikes on this video, what the f*ck, why do so many people like this b*stard child.

Ahem. Sorry, that’s rude to illegitimate children like myself. There is nothing wrong with having unmarried parents.

…Anyway, lets slim down that ratio:

3217 : 214 : 1

Holy sh*t. I would do more than kill for this ratio. Oh my god.

That’s some great engagement there. So many likes! Clearly, Draco dearie is a very popular boy! He’d love that. I hate this on principle. God am I glad 13 year old me didn’t really use YouTube (I watched gaming content and little else, didn’t even find fandom content until 2015) or I’d have contributed one of those likes, probably.

Oh wait, no! Never mind! I can’t have contributed one of those likes, because this f*cking video was posted last year!!!!!

LAST GODDAMN YEAR!!!!

Do you understand that? Do you - do you have any idea how - just how difficult it is to get that many views that quickly and with that good an engagement???? Do you???????? It has been, get this, seven, seven whole f*cking months, Less time than it takes to make a baby, and this f*cking video has��2,265,900!!! million!!!! views!!!! With a ratio of 214 likes to one goddamn dislike.

oh my god.

oh my god

oh my god

I’m having a minor mental breakdown. Jesus f*cking H Christ on a goddamn bike.

Look at these comments! Look at how many likes they have!! Oh my god!!!! Draco Malfoy might just be one of the most beloved characters ever to get this sort of reaction, for hell’s sake!

I don’t know what kind of dunderhead you are to not notice how f*cking popular this jackass little b*stard boy is, but god, the whiny little sh*t has more fans than oh, I don’t know. Someone really popular. Tom Holland? I don’t know celebrities. Sorry.

But my point is, for god’s sake, Malfoy isn’t underrated. I don’t know what rock you’ve been living under, my friend, but that sheer idolisation you so crave of your wimpy f*cking husband is right there in front of you! Just search his name, and you’ll see it front and goddamn centre. Those of us that don’t worship the ground he walks on are generally much more background.

For god’s sake, he’s a trope namer.

Draco In Leather Pants.

How much more evidence do you need than that?

Of course, I could be jumping the gun. You could be a fan of his that is frustrated by the fanon interpretation of his character. ‘Why is he reduced to a bad boy with a heart of gold when actually he’s a more complicated asshole with sh*tty morality and no backbone that gives a whole ass damn about his family but not much else?’ Good question! Blame Cassie Claire, though I suppose that’s my go-to for most things.

Seriously though; Draco Malfoy is not even remotely overrated. He’s a whiny, terrible, useless waste of space in the books; and in fandom, he’s transformed into a cool, collected, redeemable or outright good person who’s smart and talented and like, super hot you guys, doesn’t he look cute with Hermione/Harry/Insert Author’s Projected Character Here?!!!!

Also: Y’all are f*cking creeps for this shit:

THAT’S A SCENE FROM WHEN THE KID IS TWELVE, FOR GOD’S SAKE. I’m not even joking, half of you are nonces and I want nothing to do with you! ‘hot draco malfoy edits’ HE’S TWELVE

HE’S TWELVE

HE’S TWELVE.

Hot take time:

Draco Malfoy is overhyped, overrated, and oversexualised and I want all of this to stop, because you’re doing it to Tom Felton, when he was a child. A child! That’s creepy! Please do not make hot edits of children, thank you!!!!!

Someone call the police. I’m done with this f*cking fandom, oh my god.

(Also, if you think I edited that in like some sick weirdo might do, just go find that video and give it a watch. I wouldn’t if I were you, I’d believe me, because watching that video probably puts you on a watchlist somewhere.

It should.)

Okay. Deep breaths. It’s been a few months, this answer was flagged with the wonderfully opaque ‘this answer may need improvement’, and I’m back to refine this. I’m not taking anything out, but I’m adding some extra investigation. For posterity’s sake; the original answer only contained YouTube analysis. Let’s look through Archive Of Our Own, shall we?

As I showed in my answer re: the well-liked-ness of Lilly and Hermione, this is the number of total fics within the HP tag.

This is the number of tags when ‘Draco Malfoy’ is added to the ‘included characters’ filter.

So, in terms of ‘fandom work presence’ (AO3 is mostly fanfic, but it is not all fanfic, there are a few vids and some art on there, too) Malfoy’s ratio is thus:

254603:65469

3.8889… : 1

4 : 1

So, rounding up, for every four works on AO3, there is one that includes Draco dearie. Good lord, he’s pervasive, isn’t he? Can’t turn a corner in the fandom without seeing his pasty ferret face plastered all over the walls… lovely.

Now, once again - that wasn’t the best ratio. I didn’t remove bashing, for example, so not all those works will be positive (as in, since you think he’s underrated, that means - I assume - you think people don’t like him enough) so let’s go the long mile:

I will find a ratio for Mr Malfoy Jr’s fans, versus his haters, in terms of - how many fics bash Malfoy, and how many greatly enjoy his existence?

Add the bashing tag, and now let’s see how many fics there are with a) Draco in it, and b) Draco Bashing:

hahahhahagag;k;asdkf

Oh no!

Oh my god I dodn’t…. one second… give me just one second….

Right. Laughing fit over, okay. 17.

So, 65469 works with Draco present, 17 of which don’t like him overmuch, and 65452 like him just fine/present him as he appears in canon! Awesome. Of course, people who present him as he is in canon may not like him the way you want him to, so, not awesome? Hmm. I’m not sure how to filter for that. I suppose you wouldn’t want people who write him OOC, though, because that’s not rating him properly, is it? Should we add OOC to the bashing, to get people who don’t appreciate his… many positive character traits… to the extent that you would like?

Yes, I think we should.

Now, there’s no tag for ‘OOC Draco Malfoy’, because that would make my life too easy. And, I’m not going through 151 works to figure out which ones have Draco being the one OOC. If they’ve written one person OOC, and they’re self-aware enough to tag it, then I’m going to meanly assume they’ve written Draco OOC as well. When one person’s out of whack, I’ve found everyone else is, too, so I’m not just doing this to be a dick, I promise, it’s for a real, good, understandable reason, one that is not only because I really don’t want to have to do any maths more complicated than basic ratios.

So. 151 OOC works, 17 bashing works. 168 works of not properly appreciated Draco Malfoy, coming up, which takes our 65469 Draco works down to… 65301.

Well, that’s a lot, still.

So, there’s still some tags to remove, like Evil, and Abusive, and all that lark. I’ll go do that quickly, and come back with the maths.

(okay, but I do have to show this:)

(fourteen works in the ‘Evil’ draco tag?? are you serious???)

(oh and you can’t filter by Abusive Draco Malfoy, like that’s not a tag, so I can’t exclude it, but it really adds to the general atmosphere of ‘Draco Malfoy? Yeah he’s cool I like him’ that this fandom has going on, doesn’t it?)

Alright so! We really only could take away those 14 works. Okay.

By the way, just so you know - I didn’t exclude tags like ‘Death Eater Draco Malfoy’ and ‘Bully Draco Malfoy’ (if the latter even exists), because those are things that happen in canon, and when I think of a character as being ‘underrated’ I include not acknowledging their canon actions, the bad and the good. A character is only as good as their complexities run deep.

So.

For the ratio, I guess;

65469 : 151 : 17 : 14

4,676.3571… : 10.7857… : 1.2142… : 1

4,676 : 11 : 1 : 1

…

Hmm.

For every 4 thousand 6 hundred fics Draco appears in, 11 of them have OOC tagged, 1 of them has Draco Bashing tagged, and 1 of them has Evil Draco tagged. That is…

That is unfathomably good. I’m really, genuinely having a hard time picturing it. I really, honestly, don’t think there’s been a character as unquestionably overrated as Draco Malfoy in all of fandom, because, good lord, look at that ratio! People love the guy!

Let’s see the good draco malfoy tag, shall we?

Now, to be fair, most people don’t bother tagging any of this sort of thing, usually, so that’s a minor flaw in my ratio-ing. We can’t actually know exactly how many works laud Malfoy, or hate him, or feel ambivalent, because people don’t tag their shit properly. But I’m hoping this helps, at least a little. Anyway, 905! That’s a few. Not many, but certainly more than Evil or Bashing or even OOC.

65469 : 905 : 151 : 17 : 14

4,676.3571… : 64.6428 : 10.7857… : 1.2142… : 1

4,676 : 65 : 11 : 1 : 1

Yep. That’s not bad, not bad at all.

So. Most people seem to like him, if we’re honest. As I pointed out above, he’s a trope namer. If you didn’t click on the link for Draco In Leather Pants, here’s a brief summary from the TV Tropes page:

[ Transcription:

Sometimes, a fanwork will portray a villainous character in a more positive light. It can be done out of sympathy for the character, for shipping reasons, as a part of a role-reversal story, several of the aforementioned or for the variety of other reasons.

The common subjects of this treatment are characters who are wicked in a classy or cool way. A physically attractive villain is much more likely to be subject to this trope than a physically ugly one; Beauty = Goodness, after all, and shallow as it may be, it seems that, for some fans, this is the case even when the character's beauty only extends to their appearance. All Girls Want Bad Boys may be a factor with male villains getting a female fandom that views them through this lens. A badass villain will naturally be preferred by many of these over meeker heroic characters at times, as well. Ugly Cute villains also get this pretty easily. ]

So! There’s that. He named a trope all about appreciating a character perhaps (usually definitely) more than they deserve, so I wouldn’t call him ‘underrated’ by most general definitions of the word:

People seem to mostly believe him to be quite good, actually! Certainly enough to write about him a lot, to draw him a lot, to edit him a lot, to theorise about him a lot, to ship him with the main character so much that the 99th filter ever on AO3 was Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter.

Hey, actually, that’s a good idea! Which filter id is Draco Malfoy?

Now, if I’m not mistaken, it’s been a while since I had to do this -

Draco Malfoy was the 1589th tag canonised in the tag system of AO3. Let’s check the Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter tag (which I know for certain was 99) to make sure:

And lo and behold, I was right. That’s mad. That’s mad!!!!

Ooh, I’ve found a fun trick

To change which rss feed you’re looking at, copy the https:// link up to .atom in the speech marks, and change the highlighted number. That shows you what uses that tag_ids: - in this case, 93 is Draco himself. The 93rd tag, dedicated to Draco Malfoy. Good lord, that’s insane! I guess there really weren’t many other things to prioritize at the time, but that’s still silly to me.

Fluff and Angst appears to be the fiftieth tag canonised, for comparison. Sometimes when you replace the rss feed’s ‘tag’ in the address bar it takes you to the tag’s page instead of the feed, because that tag doesn’t have an rss feed. The more you know!

Anyway, back on track: I think all of that, rss feeds, youtube analytics, fandom presence, all kind of proves my point:

Draco Malfoy is not underrated. He is, arguably, overrated as a character, but unarguably very popular within the greater Harry Potter fandom. Unpopular characters don’t tend to get paired with the lead, at the very least - and you can’t turn around in the Harry Potter fandom without seeing Drarry somewhere, can you?

[desdemonafictional]

2020 Fanfic Year End Summary

Hey ho let’s go

Nev does these every year and I think they’re interesting, so for the first time I’m gonna give it a go too. I feel like this has been the longest fucking year--the Zine feels like it was two years ago and last January feels like it was ten years ago.

I’m gonna answer some questions and do a little reflection on the year 

This year I technically finished Icarus with 2k words of a 36k story, and after that I went on to produce 197k words not even COUNTING the stuff from GPAU which I do not know how to divide up for 2020. 

That’s 23 fics in one year, 8 of which were cowriting projects. This year has been, objectively, insane. By comparison, in 2019 I produced 17 fics and at the time I thought THAT was doing pretty impressive work. Now it’s not my best year by sheer number of titles--2018 was an oil boom while I was into JTHM and I actually put out 25 fics that year, some of which were short oneshots and some of which were two- or three-shots. But in terms of words? 2020 knocked them all out of the park. Which is absolutely something I owe to my amazing friends who let me ride around in their brains like the parasite I am.

In 2018 I started cowriting with Chokopopo, in 2019 I started cowriting with Neveralarch, and in 2020 I just did a fucking ton more of that with no looking back. It’s so incredibly motivating to have someone to show your progress to! And to have someone to hand the project over to when you’re stuck. If I hadn’t had Nev to bounce off of, most of this fic wouldn’t have been thought up at all, let alone finished. And don’t even get me started on GPAU! Choko and Zephyr and me have done such amazing things with “Welcome! Everything is fine”, and I can’t wait to be able to wrap that up and leave it for posterity.

I switched job positions around July of this year, and it’s changed the way I produce fic. Not sure if it’s good yet or not. I was never actually under a stay at home order this year because I work for a state agency, so to a degree I’ve missed out on the ways that quarantine affected other writers. I think I was fortunate?

Best Title 

Ahhh this is tough, I put a lot of effort into my titles this year--I promised myself in 2019 I was going to stop using song lyrics for fic titles because they make songs loop in my brain and it’s self inflicted torment, which is a promise I... mostly kept. “Dress Your Idol in Gold and Ashes” is the one I put most effort into probably, because I kept toying around with it trying to find something that was evocative of the right pagan imagery, and also the idea that got me started on the fic was a passage in a text book about the daily dressing of an idol statue in ancient Egypt.

“Broke My Last Glass Jaw” gets special mention because I named it after an essay that I wrote in undergrad for my African American Lit course, in which I broke down themes of the spoiled american dream via the lens of 90′s rap.

Worst Title

“Take one for the Team” is definitely my laziest title. It’s just super self indulgent kink fic, no character arc or anything, so I couldn’t find a good image or phrase to bring in for the title. Also I remember I really wanted to post it quickly, since it was a response to some art I was looking at, and I wanted the artist to see. I’m sure I could have done better with the title.

I did end up titling “Fear and Delight” after a song but I forgive myself because I literally only wrote the fic because the song existed first.

Best Summary

Some of these summaries I wrote and a some I did not, but of the ones that I wrote I think.... “ I'm All Full Up on Yesterdays, Don't Sing Me No More Blues” is the best one. It launches you directly into the action, while preserving the surprise reveal at the end of chapter 1. I actually wrote chapter one with this summary in mind, so it was baked in there from the start.

Jazz turned in his seat, cube at his lips, just in time to spot the white pursuit vehicle steaming and panting in the doorway. “Jazz of Staniz,” the enforcer shouted, “surrender the matrix and come quietly!”

Jazz knocked back his drink. “Well!” he said to the open-mouthed bartender, “time to split!”

Worst Summary

I mean, summaries are hard for everyone, right? That’s the thing we all universally struggle with, I think? I usually end up liking mine, and this year I was less afraid to just let a section of the story speak for itself. Anyway the worst one is “ Broke My Last Glass Jaw” by virtue of the fact that I had to come back months later and add another line because I wasn’t satisfied with how it was reaching audiences.

After the war, Impactor is at loose ends.

(They were friends once, weren't they? After all this time, Impactor wonders if Megatron hasn't managed to forget.)

I really wanted that one line to say it all, but honestly it requires a lot of trust in me as the author and most of the people who pass by the fic in the archive aren’t gonna know me from adam. The second line clarifies what kind of story it’s going to be in terms of tone and theme.

Best First Line

I’m pretty ambivalent about most of my first lines. Since Nev already pointed out the first line in “ Apotheosis”, I have to admit, it is pretty good. It gets off to a real jaunty start.

“Excuse me,” Starscream said, striding down the steps of the senate chambers with his cape flaring out behind him, “get your cowcatcher out of his face, you tin-plated amateur despot, he’s with me.”

I also like the audacity of a run on sentence that is the opening to “ Desecrate You”

Ratchet clicks the video because it was auto-recommended, and because First Aid is always dropping hopeful hints that he wants her to watch his show when he’s supposed to be grading papers, and because something about the title (“This is Definitely a Hoax! None of this is Real! Short Cut Footage Episode”) makes her wonder why the hell someone who runs a Ghost Hunting youtube channel would bill their own hard work as a hoax right out of the bag.

Worst First Line

Definitely the least interesting is from “Tantric Sex, and Other Mysteries of the Divine”. I guess it’s another fic where I was really eager to get to the meat of the fic, and so I just went back after I was done with the fic and wrote a paragraph of bare bones setting context so we could move on already.

It’s game night at Swerve’s, and Nightbeat is out in the thick of the crew for once, getting the lay of the land.

I have the same problem in a few fics, which probably arises from the fact that when I read a fic, I often skim the first paragraph or so to see if I really want to commit to the read. So I sometimes write like I’m expecting the audience to do that too. I probably need to work on that. Man, I even did it in Sexy Staycation.

Best Last Line

I like endings! I usually have a good gut instinct for where stories should end, and how to pace that, and what image I want to close the fic on. Often times I’ll be writing a story and feeling really lukewarm about it, and then the ending will come to me, and I’ll feel totally won over by it. That happened with my Suicide Squad fic years ago. So this is for the most part me picking the best of the things I already like. “Broke My Last Glass Jaw” has a good pithy one; I like how it isolates this moment as a moment of choice, and how it’s also ambiguous whether he will change because of this or whether he’s doomed to go back to his predetermined pattern.

And despite the unguarded door and the empty inviting streets beyond, where no one wants or expects anything of him but his feterless bitter trog onward into the next waiting prison cell, Impactor lays down, and Impactor does.

Special mention goes to “ The Sky Dark in its Eclipse : Orange Light Remix”, because the ending section is one of the big changes I brought to the remix, and I’m really happy with how it alters the shape of the narrative and also how it changes the focus of Rung’s arc. Most of the actual words in this fic were written by Choko in 2018, so this is like a collab in slow motion--I changed loadstone moments mostly, some of the framing, all of the backstory, and updated the setting for Cybertron. But the ending is all me.

On the morning of Intro to Psych finals, while Hot Rod hums and taps and scrolls back and forth through his test on the front row of the testing hall, Rung will sit behind his desk and brush the dust from the rotors of his fateful archetype, and start the long process of putting the pieces together once and for all.

Worst Last Line

Again, I like my endings, so this is really the worst of the best. The original ending line I wrote for “ All Our Urgent Restless Sighing” was:

Deadlock’s finials twitched. “...I am a reasonable amount of interested,” he said, “in this topic.”

And in the beta process, Nev came back in and added the line about Ratchet and cuddling, which was a big hit with the readers it seems like. So clearly I benefitted from some help there haha!

Looking back, did you write more or less than you thought you would this year?

you know what, I definitely wrote more than I thought I would. I didn’t see “Don’t Sing Me No More Blues” coming at all, and that was once a month for most of the year. I was hoping that I would be able to write a few things outside of Transformers, because I always worry that my long spans of hyperfixation are driving away my longtime readers... and I did manage to get one hxh thing written that was good, and one hxh thing started that is mediocre so far. So I guess I’ll call that good enough.

 What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, just your favorite.

hmm I’m really proud of the Pharma chapter me and Choko put together for GPAU--the body horror, the tragedy, the lotus eater machine plot. But even though that felt like a whole ass story of its own, I guess it’s only a chapter at the end of the day. So my favorite story would be “Apotheosis”. It’s just SO much, and we had SO many things we wanted to do, and somehow we managed to do them ALL. Corpses! Children! God! It’s got everything! The only thing it doesn’t have is the idea that literally started us plotting out the fic. And that was “ritual public sex with Starscream and Rung”. Oh well. Maybe someday. Probably not.

Okay, Now your most popular story

Ha! I tend to view the success of a fic more based on its bookmark ratio than its hit count, but by the numbers, unsurprisingly, “ Don't Sing Me No More Blues” is my most popular fic of the year at a whopping 3k hits and 113 bookmarks. Well, it is jazz/prowl which means it has a built in audience of considerable size, and it also updated seven times this year which increases its net range, so no surprise. But I think people also just really vibed with it--it’s very much a product of the times we are living in, and I don’t think it could have been written in any year except for 2020. 

“Dress Your Idol” has 58 bookmarks, by the way. I’m extremely proud of that fic for having such a high bookmark to view ratio. I guess the people who did read it liked it a lot.

Story most underappreciated in its Time.

Okay nothing is as under-exposed as the stuff I produced in JTHM, so I’m definitely not complaining. It’s hard to think about leaving TF because TF is such an enthusiastic community. That said, “ Neggnog Cozy” did not get eyeballs. I’m not surprised, it’s short and it’s gen, and Thundercracker doesn’t have the built in audience of say Starscream. Still, I thought it was really funny and cute and I would have liked it if more people would have given it a chance.

Story that could have been better

Oh, “ Melusine Among the Tombs” for sure. I went into that with only the first chapter planned and immediately after realized that I had no idea where the fic was going and also I had lost my grip on canon characterization after a couple years going rusty in other fandoms. I plan to finish it eventually, but I need a better plan than “wing it???” first.

Sexiest Story

I wrote SO much weird kink this year. Like. Shout out to past me for writing some pretty spicy JTHM fic, but this year I really leaned into how weird you can plausibly get with an all robot all alien cast. 

“ The Sensual Machine” is the most unabashedly horny because it was written specifically for a weird kink themed zine that I was an editor on. “Desecrate You” is also quite horny but I almost exclusively wrote the frame device for that, so I don’t get sexy credit lmao. “Fear and Delight” was a big hit with all the hxh readers and I think it has an element of sexiness more so than pure horniness--its has a kind of glamour and style to it.

Most fun story

“Starscream's Sexy Staycation” is by far the most unabashedly comic and sexy and silly and low stakes. It has one of my favorite kinks, a beautiful stupid moment of Ratchet suffering, and Rung calling safeword which is something new and fresh and I want a lot more of it in the world.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

“ Lacunae” was given to me as a yule gift prompt with the express intention of explaining who the fuck Carmilla’s mother was, and what the deal is with Carmilla as well. This would have forced me to reevaluate my understanding of the novel except for the TEENSY insignificant fact that I realized I had never finished reading Carmilla, somehow, and ended up reading it for the first time in December in preparation for yule. So uh. Hmm.

I think “ Don't Sing Me No More Blues” made me think about Prowl in a different way. I wasn’t really expecting him to be this hard-edged idealist when I started out on the fic. He was originally going to be much more like the autistic coded Prowl of “The Cop and the Cryptid,” one of my favorite fics ever. Also, I started writing the fic about a month before the riots and police protest kicked off in America this year, and it really caused me to zero in on how Prowl being part of a system like that affects his relationship to the world and other characters.

Hardest Story to Write

“ Elegy for Actaeon of the Hounds” took me a total of six months to write from start to finish. I don’t know why. Well, It’s partly because there are three involved sex scenes and sex scenes are actually very difficult and time consuming for me to write. It’s also partly because I kept wanting it to have a character arc, and I kept getting stumped on how to handle that. Beauty and the Beast plot lift? Have Rodimus be a rabbit? Eventually I settled on the version that kept the cast tightly cinched down around Megatron and Rung, and I’m happy with the result.

Easiest Story to Write

When we were writing “Apotheosis” it felt like we were on FIRE, we were so productive and we started three other projects between us while it was in motion. But “Take One For the Team” was absolutely the most fun to write, it basically wrote itself

Most Overdue Story

“Champagne in the Final Days of Rome” was based off a conversation I had with Nev pretty early on in our friendship--Discord says it was June 2019, so that’s uhhh ten months between discussion to actual writing? And it still didn’t turn out to be the fic we were originally outlining, haha.

Oh god you know what was really the most overdue? The last chapter of “Icarus; or, Look Who's Digging His Own Grave”. It was literally a year, January to January, between chapter 12 and 13. For a while I thought maybe I was just going to have to leave it there, without resolving the time loop problem at all.

Did you take writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Writing for the zine was a big risk. I remember Nev had to reassure me at least twice that what I was writing wasn’t too weird or off-topic or embarrassing to be part of the project. Now, of course, I’m very happy with it. But my god I was nervous to post something that was like.... straight up actually bimboification applied to one of the most popular toy characters of all time.

What I learned from this is that people love horny shit, are READY to take a chance on a weird fic when its in the right wrapping paper, and when in doubt you CAN sell people on a kink they’re not really into by making the kink actually a reflection of a character arc. Are you writing this down?

Do you have any goals for writing in the new year?

Finish GPAU!!!!!!

I’d like to FINALLY sit down and do some hard work on my original fiction. I’ve been kind of waiting for the tf hyperfixation to wane so I could move forward, and I think that process is in motion now. But who knows. If Rung shows up in the new comics I might get nerfed again.

Other than that I’d like to write at least one fanfic that isn’t TF, and I would like to get this really crunchy Rung/Pharma fic off the ground so I can make some people CRY

[alo-piss-trancy]

Ok hi, I didn't wanna say anything, but please don't write knifeplay/bloodplay for Yuri. I def don't wanna spoil anything, but it's learned on a certain route that Yuri has a s*lf h*rm problem (I'll leave it at that).

You honestly seem like you're not trying to be a jerk with this ask, so I'm going to do my best to answer this as politely as possible without compromising my personal beliefs on the matter. This is going to be long and a little serious, but please note I'm not attacking you or trying to start a debate. I'm just laying all my thoughts on this down at once so I make myself clear, because a short answer would leave a lot of nuance out.

I understand what you're trying to do here. For the record though, I also considered that a pretty massive spoiler and I did not appreciate that at all. Even if you all think you're 'helping', don't do that again. Y/uri was pretty much the only character I'd managed to avoid most spoilers on and you killed the surprise for me. This game is already so full of fluffy 'filler' in the beginning that I don't have a ton of big plot points to look forward to in each route.

Now, I realise this is a very delicate topic and incredibly triggering to some people, especially with those two things combined. I am 100% willing to tag it with just about any variation needed to ensure you or others affected can blacklist/block it and never have to see a word of it in the future. I'd also be happy to go back and tag that original text post I made if needed. I mean that. You all are welcome to ask me to tag things anytime, and so long as you're polite about it I'm perfectly willing to oblige to the best of my ability in future posts! If I occasionally forget, just toss me a light reminder and I'll jump into editing and add it in.

That said, I want to make it clear that I am very firmly against censorship. I'm willing to take all necessary precautions to ensure people can curate their experiences on this blog and AO3, but at the end of the day I can still post whatever fictional stuff I choose to. As can anyone else. Same goes for more formally published media.

Now, it's entirely possible I would have gotten to that part of the game and decided 'oh dang, I'm not so enthused about that fic idea anymore...'. My whims and ideas change frequently, and what you mentioned is a heavy topic with a lot to unpack and process. It's also entirely possible that future plot would only provide more fuel.

Fyi, when I originally mentioned the knifeplay I was actually thinking a lot more along the lines of her doing it to the protagonist, not the reverse. But for the record, if I did choose to write it with focus on Y/uri, I would still be well within my rights to.

This next part of my answer is going to address some heavy topics, this is your warning!!!

Sometimes people's kinks are a way to take a thing that is personally scary or upsetting to them and find a way to reverse it. To find pleasure or power or get used to the idea of the awful thing in a safe, controlled fashion. I'm not going to go into the full details on this because there's plenty of explanation and research elsewhere already written up, as well as an excellent book on the subject, and I'm not turning this blog into a discourse debate. But I needed to mention it for my point.

There are plenty of stories that could be explored with Y/uri in this context. Did she have this kink before the self harm events started and it was completely unrelated, or did she develop it afterwards? How did she discover it beforehand? If developed afterwards, did it start out as another way of harming mixed with pleasure in a self-destructive way, often done sloppily and without proper technique? Or was it strictly used as almost exposure therapy to deal with those urges and thoughts in a safer, more contained scenario, maybe even allowing the partner she trusted to wield the knife to prove their bond/reinforce that she can be loved without being hurt deeply, that she is worthy of affection and trust and loyalty. Maybe this finally helps give Y/uri a tool to embrace her 'weirdness' without harming herself and others. Or, what if she thinks it can be a useful tool and is sure she's ready, but partway through the scene she gets triggered or has flashbacks... how does she deal with it? How does her partner? Can it be overcome with effort, research, and taking things slowly, or does she realize this kink is actually completely off the table for her?

What if she has this kink and is excited to try it, but her partner isn't? How does she take that rejection? Or do her poor social skills mean she skipped negotiation to begin with and attempted it in the middle of a vanilla session? Would her partner freak out or even get mad, or try to swallow their fear and let her do it so they don't hurt/offend her, even at the cost of their own comfort?

This topic also opens a ton of potential plots for darkfic, but I'll refrain from discussing that out of respect for you and others.

So as you can see, there's much more to explore than 'Knife=Hot'. I believe those discussions and ideas are necessary and provide important fuel for thought when explored fictionally, especially since mainstream media doesn't cover a lot of them.

~~~

I feel I should take a second to clarify knifeplay for those who may be unaware. It doesn't always equate to actual cutting/drawing blood. That can be an aspect, but usually only by those far more experienced and, you know, actually into that. A lot of participants don't actually go that far. Mostly, it's either about the physical sensation of the knife touching you at all, or the adrenaline/controlled fear and intimate trust of a partner bringing an object like that so close/teasing you with it.

In fact, it's frequently advised in those circles (especially to newcomers) to use a dull butterknife instead, because it simulates the same feelings of metal on skin/can dig in a little without any real risk of cutting/drawing blood. Even if one chooses to use a different knife, it's still pretty common to dull the blade, or some people even substitute with a closed pair of scissors (combined with the partner blindfolded, you can't really tell it apart from the real thing).

These versions of knifeplay are well controlled and ultimately pretty harmless, so long as both parties know what they're doing and stay alert. And more experienced players with sharper knives are even more cautious/have studied extensively to know where/how deep to go without risking scarring/serious injury.

Remember the golden rules of kink: Safe. Sane. Consensual.

With those in place, it is not nearly the same as self harm. Just as controlled, consensual, well-negotiated BDSM with safewords, respected boundaries and a trusted partner is never in the same league as abuse.

~~~

Now that that's out of the way, back to my point:

There's no perfect representation or narrative for everyone, in any group (be that gender/sexuality/triggered by certain things, etc). Every human being is different, everyone interprets media differently, and everyone takes away different elements from stories.

What one person in a particular group may find cathartic, relateable, or painful but necessary food for thought, another may find completely repulsive, personally hurtful, offensive, something they can't stand to hear. And guess what? Both of those can be true at the same time. One side is not immediately right over the other.

There are queer characters or interpretations of them in fics that I vehemently despise, might even find hurtful or sickening and think 'how can anyone create this, it's insufferable! People in 'my group' aren't like that, it's a horrible representation. I can't relate to it at all!' But you know what? Other people can and do, may find comfort in those exact narratives and experiences, may heal their pain instead of inflicting more. And that's great. It's what they needed or wanted and if I don't like it, I click away and do my best to avoid it.

There are specific tropes and narrative themes I personally cannot get through without being triggered into anxiety attacks or dragged back to bad times and places in my life. Sometimes I see them tackled in ways that are hurtful or seem insensitive to me. But I recognise that for someone else, it's exactly what they needed to see to get through that or come to terms with it, or see a way they wish that thing could play out. I would never dream of telling those people they aren't allowed to enjoy it, OR telling the creator of that piece of media or a tv show 'Hey ummm please don't use this plot because it turns me into a human wreck for a week'. Because it's not remotely my place to do so. They can create whatever they want, they have no responsibility towards me or my well being. A few might be kind enough to include a warning at the beginning of that episode or in the description, but they are in no way required to. It's up to me to curate my experience and try to keep my guard up/research what might have those tropes, and in the rare occasions I get blindsided, yeah, it hurts like hell. I struggle, I might even backslide a bit. But I just have to try my best to deal with it and make a note to be more careful next time. Because you can't control the world around you, not even the online world, and you have absolutely no right to. The only right you have is to protect yourself without infringing on other people's boundaries/rights.

And there's also another important point. There doesn't have to be a big important point or explanation for why a creator creates something, or why consumers can enjoy that creation! If someone wants to create a plotline with all of my triggers used in the most 'insensitive', 'wrong', pointless ways possible, strictly for Entertainment or pure kink material instead of some deep dissection of the issues involved? They can go hog wild!!! They are 100% allowed to do so on this earth, and I can't (and wouldn't want to) do a thing to stop them.

One person can read a kink fic and it hits a very emotional theme for them/they think it explores a deep topic well. Another person can read that same fic and get nothing out of it except their rocks off. Both of those readers are completely equal and 'allowed' to enjoy that fic. Both reasons are completely valid reasons for why the creator was 'allowed' to post/create that fic in the first place. Nobody needs permission, nobody has to answer to anybody except themselves. Period. This extends to any topic, any type of fic.

Yes, even for things I find absolutely abhorrent and insensitive and don't understand/want to read ever. I may resent everything about its existence, but I will defend to death the creator's right to make it exist in the first place.

It only affects me if I let it affect me. If someone's making content I despise or am upset by and can't handle, I can choose to ignore or avoid them, blacklist those tags, I can block them and move on with my day. I can do anything within my own bubble, but the second I consider going into their bubble and saying they can't make that thing, I am in the wrong. Because I'm not respecting their space and rights.

If someone makes cookies with ingredients I'm highly allergic to, pastes the ingredient warnings all over the box where I read them, and I still eat one, would anyone cheer me on for blaming them when I have a reaction? Would anyone think it was remotely okay of me to start calling up every bakery in town and saying they weren't allowed to bake those cookies EVER, because some people somewhere might be allergic?

No. They'd tell me I was crossing the line, because I'm infringing on other people's boundaries and lives. I'm expecting everybody else to take responsibility for something that, while horrible and painful, was my fault for touching.

Now, if someone sets out unlabelled cookies not realizing I'm allergic to something in them, and I eat it and have a reaction, that sucks. It's an awful experience. But is it the baker's fault? As long as they didn't do it maliciously, not really. They can be advised politely to label it in the future, and I can do my best to remember to ask/be more cautious next time I come across something I'm unsure of, but they're still allowed to bake those cookies for themselves and others.

Now, if I deliberately baked cookies with an ingredient that people are very frequently allergic to (ex. peanuts) and set it out in a crowded buffet without a warning label, that's a jerk move. That's intentionally trying to cause harm to others. But simply baking that flavour of cookies still isn't a crime or harmful by itself.

~~~

I'll be honest, I'm running out of steam and I think I've said most of what I have to say, so I'll wrap it up. I want to reiterate that I'm not ripping into you with this long answer, anon! I understand why you sent me what you did and I'm trying not to come off as harsh. I'm happy to go back and tag things and will tag anything else similar in the future!!! But at the end of the day, regardless of whether I personally end up writing that fic or not, or even want to after I get to that plot, I don't agree with telling anyone they can't/shouldn't write it at all. I wanted to try and explain my viewpoint thoroughly, and I hope you can respect that, just as I'll respect and try to accommodate you and other followers. This is the only time I'll really get up on a soapbox like this, and I have no interest in debating these things on my blog further, but it is a topic I've been passionate about all my life so I'm afraid I'm not budging on it.

[tammyhybrid21]

Sara Deserves Better

It's six in the morning, and I am mad!

Mad because of a small thing admittedly, but you want a sum up?

I'm mad because I hyped myself up to write a MSA/Tadeo Jones crossover oneshot that would basically be Vivi being excited to meet an actual living Mummy, with other things, but the majority... and then started thinking beyond that small scope of fun and just-- got frustrated.

Because here's the thing... I made a post about Vivi and her glasses, and then started thinking about the crew in Tadeo Jones and--

Like here's the deal, my brain... just... completely forgot Sara has glasses. I remembered Tiffany's glasses. I remembered the PHOTO with glasses-- but the first ten minutes of Sara's screen time being spent with her in glasses? NAH--

Sooo that's not actually what this post is about. Just a small annoyance with myself. So what is this post about-- well the obvious is look at the title, Sara Deserves Better.

Also, not just shipping wise... but mainly shipping wise, because GOD DAMN IT. Let Sara break free of the Love Interest box PLEASE. Because for crying out loud, it's been two movies and this is one of the most painful flaws I can see. Also-- just as an aside, I really, really want to like Sara but right now... she's stuck in that box so much she's honestly kind of... bland and boring to watch.

Also just--

In general. I want to say something that's just, my BIG gripe and the reason I come bearing this rant but...

Vivi.

VIVI is why I'm making this RANT!

And you want to know why? It's because in the approximately 16 odd minutes of the Mystery Skulls Animated vidoes we get-- SO MUCH information about who she is and what she stands for as a character. WE HAVE SO MUCH TO WORK WITH. Hell even in the brief flashback sequence, there's a lot to analyse and unpack-- she's not just reduced to-- Lewis' former girlfriend despite how easily that could have been the case. Which-- I mean, I have... a number of rants for Vivi in the works... beyond just my MBTI analysis that's already up...

BUT conversely... and maddeningly-- I can't say the same for Sara. Between the two movies if there is one character who feels kind of... empty aside overtures, or rather underdeveloped... it's Sara.

Which is a crying shame. But there's two movies of content and I still only have the vaguest idea of WHO she really is as a person. Oh I know who she is. But... I don't really know Who she is.

Like, seriously... the closest we get to some glimpses is this opening of movie 2, some scenes in movie one, and her moment with Mummy.

Which... I have other things to talk about regarding this... a more proper analysis regarding her verses Tadeo on these events... BUT THAT'S ANOTHER ANALYSIS.

Also what moments from Movie 1?

How's about priorities?

"But first tell me if ANYTHING you told me was true!"

ALSO, I have some things to say about Tadeo's response to this... but that's ALSO deserving of it's whole own analysis and it really wouldn't be fair... And aside this... well again... moments.

Which... I still don't actually have much, but these are sort of... the moments with the most character from Sara. OH, aside from when she's with Tiffany, and arguably-- when alone and kidnapped with Rackham... which, huh-- That would bring me to another point honestly... but this isn't actually my "Making your Villain Memorable" rant. ALTHOUGH-- The Rackham stuff and Tiffany will need to be addressed.

I want to talk about the moments I currently have first. Which aren't... precisely in order, but I think they're in order of the impact for me.

Which first moment is when Tad's sacrificing his father's cufflink, his greatest treasure. Giving it to Mummy, and again-- I have many words... but what's telling is Sara's reaction and how that kind of ties into the significance there. Because overall it just says-- well, it says how deeply she's affected seeing it as well-- Which isn't something you see much in these movies unfortunately.

The next moment I would like to call the "I sense bullshit radar". Considering how she finds Tad's story initially a bit flawed, also laying out the law, starting to plan. Sara has a head on her shoulders and is NO FOOL.

UNTIL SHE IS.

And I think only HALF of this final highlight moment can be blamed on the situation because heyyyy--

Let's circle around to the Rackham stuff. And... other movie 2 stuff.

Which, I know this miiiight be arbitrary or not really something that can be linked. BUT there's a difference in how she handles these moments... And hell, I would also add the opening to movie 2-- but Sara has... levelled her head A LOT more when it comes to handling potentially life threatening danger between movies. In what information she grabs(opening) and then in the above scene, what she actually lets the villain learn.

Which also, anyone else get a short circuit feeling from that?

And hell, even as much as I have issues with the whole sequence of events and a SPOILER filled rant about it...

Even here, again. Pretty chill, pretty level. At best/worst it's really stunned silence. But this scene has a number of issues and I have a rant that will go up after a fic(if I can just keep myself long enough to WRITE that fic...). And just... well--

Then the last thing is-- well Tiffany.

Also... just generally on this second screencap here, I like to just-- talk about the moment before as well-- since there's something just... Really wild in what leads to it.

Like... why does she look SO CONFUSED?! Like-- I don't know if I'm the only one who sees this, but when Rackham first shows up... she looks so confused, like how could he get there so quickly?! And then Tiffany steps out and there's that shocked expression and it gives off this sense that just-- When Tiffany stormed off Sara knew but she didn't know. Like you ever have those moments-- where you know someone's going to make a bad decisions... and yet-- you're still SHOCKED by how bad a decision they make?

Yeah, that's Sara here... and she's... been trying with Tiffany.

But still... yeah.

And what does all this ultimately add up to?

Sara still being too broad in the long of it.

BECAUSE IT TOOK ME A GOOD HOUR, OR TWO, Of ranting and discussing this with some friends for me to dig out these moments and I STILL don't have a solid, solid character for Sara. And do you know why?

Because of the one FATAL FLAW...

Forced

Romance

...And when I say forced romance, I really, really mean it. Do you know what one of my BIGGEST COMPLAINTS of movie 2 is. It's that when Sara gets mad, or feels like she should be mad, it's not allowed to hold. It's just glossed over. And then of course, complaint two is the other obvious thing. Sara feels... as if she's just there to dispense the plot and then to be kidnapped.

She spends the first two and a half quarters of the movie kidnapped, and even after only gets the barest amount of screen time. Hell she had MORE to do in movie 1, and that's probably because the plot was broader and gave them all time to shine with action, even if she still felt-- hard.

Like seriously, does-- any of these moments stand out on their own? Without a number of rewatches and forcing my focus to actually be on Sara to analyse... not really. It all blends and blurs because of one big thing that EATS up her character and forces it into that kind of bland box.

She's forced and pushed to fit the lens of the love interest. With Tad's chasing-- and how that impacts the story.

And I'd also like to complain about ANOTHER thing in this similar vein but...

In movie one there's a sequence I... haven't really brought up in this rant, along with in general how Sara is there-- because here's the thing. Aside the glimpses... she... really feels like a PROP a lot of the time. In both movies. But-- in movie 1 there are a few moments specific.

And the first is actually the train moment with Kopponen. Sara was definitely NOT going to hand the tablet over...

But of course, Tad had to SCREW UP trying to be a hero... and for the rest of the sequence it feels a lot like Sara's only purpose is to more or less be grabbed and damselled again... And even later on, it feels like Wasted Potential--

Like, she's used to motivate other characters--

Which okay... I'm not going to say that Vivi is excused from, since that's who I'm comparing her with... BUT there's a DRASTIC difference of character agency in HOW and why they are used as motivation between them.

Might not on the surface seem like much of a difference--

Especially in the immediate context that's offered here with how Lewis is using the picture in his locket and the implied additional angle to his attempted revenge against Arthur-- which, mind you-- there's a HELL of a lot more going on there... BUT-- When it comes to the ACTION... not just that moment up higher... but when there's actual ACTIVE danger...

Come Hellbent... And Shiromori...

Meanwhile with Sara the best we have across both movies... is moments. She handles herself in the opening of the sequel and-- well we actually have the climbing sequence to the final temple... which... I have-- words about as well, but the big ones right now is actually in the choice of lyrics playing over what--

But...

Sara actually only gets the "Now I'm Invincible" stuff-- or the Majority of it. There might be the more romance stuff, but for the most part-- she's pretty much being defined as "Invincible on her own" which also... yeah. It's true. The strongest moments for Sara are those moments when she's on her own, and away from the Tadeo drama... or even when she was used to motivate her Dad's actions in the first movie.

Which... actually makes me circle back to something that just... doesn't fit.

"It's been the most amazing adventure. All these days with you. I wouldn't trade that for the world. I... I love..."

WHICH LOOK

Isn't Sara supposed to be the expert on the whole of what this movie is about? King Midas' Collar and Golden Touch, this was her long term project. So why is it that in this scene she's forgotten all that she's supposedly studied and why they're even here? Like does anyone else get death confession vibes from this, which... considering Sara should know this is supposed to be reversible?!

Because forced romance plot.

I mean, I have more to say, but honestly... at this point I'm running out of ways to properly articulate my points. But in the end... what can I say about Sara now that I'm at the end of my rant? You know, beyond FREE HER FROM THE ROMANCE PLOT....

Well, actually a lot more than I expected or thought at the start... And that's because now I've been through and watched with focus on her. Although some of it still had to be informed and given to me.

Which yeah--

Sara is an expert in her own field, supposedly anyway. Which, let's be fair, that's not her fault, that's plot mandated information failures.

She's Peruvian, which, I think is established in the first movie, that's her home. And where she's grown up, but it's really not made clear in either movie. Or at the least, not as clear as it should be. PLEASE GIVE HER MORE PERUVIAN PRIDE I SWEAR--

She is clearly much, much more impressed by Tadeo when he's being humble and honest. Like just damn. Those are the traits she respects and what's to see.

Sara actually respects and listens to other people, she's patient with them and hears out what they have to say. And this... isn't just with Mummy in that scene, but also she's patient with Tiffany and-- I do have more to say on that... but again, another post.

She is definitely in this for knowledge and awareness than necessarily results. She's not chasing fame.

Honestly, she shines so, so much better when there's NO ROMANCE, and really is a strong women on her own. Doesn't need anyone.

Has chased after her father's recognition, in the same field, to having the same issue of leaving behind those she cares for... Time is limited you know.

Which yeah... okay. Sara, definitely deserves better!

[jimlingss]

Thank you, everyone, for your words of encouragement. In this short amount of time, I’ve been absolutely overwhelmed with messages of support. I want to reassure you all that I’m by no means as hurt as some of you think, or at least not after so much kindness. I’ve always encouraged all kinds of feedback!! From compliments to constructive criticism. And I’m (supposedly) an Adult™, so I can definitely take someone’s opinion.

Regardless, thank you to everyone who reached out to me. I want to respond to each and everyone of you under this post so I don’t flood other people’s dashes.

Anonymous said: about the anon who said your fics lack emotion, hmm i wouldn't quite agree tbh, i remember reading tears of a villian and deadass crying, it hurt me so much!! also, in "fall in hatred" their feeling are so well portrayed and i could understand why they acted a certain way! to conlclude, there is always some space for constructive criticism but your stories, are to me, something very attentively built and created, it's apparent that you completely enjoy writing, I can feel your enthusiasm!!

--to that anon; pls don't get this wrong way but it's just the way I see it and I've read quite a lot till now

nah deadass crying isn’t good enough anymore, anon. You have to be keening and violently sobbing until you’re brought into the ER for my fics to be considered to have emotion. lol I’m only kidding, thank you for the message.

peachiest-hun said: To that anon who said your work lacked emotions, I beg to differ! I have read Jungle Park so many times I know at exactly which chapter when the heavy angst starts happening and I read those parts when I just want to have a good cry (I still cry every. single. time)! Also Head Over Heels to Hell, The Colour of Our Voices, Love So Shallow (because I so relate with OC), and many more have given me the FEELS (happy and sad ones). 1/2

So what I'm trying to say is that Jimlingss is doing a great job in her craft. She does deliver emotions in her work and the reason I love it so much is that it's SUBTLE and not completely in your face. Sometimes emotions that are subtle and they hit you slowly, but powerfully it hurts even more for me. On another note, I'm loving Sugar and Coffee. In times of darkness which are often these days, I have something to look forward to every week to keep me motivated. So thank you Jimlinggs! 2./2

Istg Jungle Park is one of the most unexpectedly beloved fics on my blog but I love it hahaha I can’t believe you’ve read it to the point of knowing what chapter is what though. that’s an honour. There’s definitely stories of mine that are less subtle than others, but I’m glad that you enjoy the latter of them too :’) Thank you.

Anonymous said: This is my first time ever leaving a message on someone’s tumblr, but I just felt that I HAD to after reading that anon’s comment about your stories lacking emotion. I wholly disagree (in the nicest way possible, not throwing any shade at anyone). I’ve read all of your fics (for the past two years) and I look forward to when you release new material (the highlight of my Mondays right now after I come home from working at a clinic). Your stories have really lifted my mood during this pandemics an

Anonymous said: Sorry for that long tangent. Don’t even know if I made sense. You don’t have to respond to any of this, but you deserve to hear some positive words as well.

Oh my god. Did I just take your tumblr-message virginity? asdfghjkl I’m kidding. but thank you for reaching out to me. I can’t believe you’ve been around for such a long time and that I’m a part of your Monday routine :’) 

Anonymous said: OK that ask about "constructive criticism" was def imo RUDE. You don't just anonymously go into someone's asks and bluntly tell an author that their fics "lack emotion". That is not the way to encourage someone to improve and continue to work hard. That's just flat out mean. That person clearly doesn't care about your feelings or the fact that you write and share your stories for FREE for us to enjoy. I love your stories and appreciate what you've shared with us. Thank you for your hard work ❤️

I like to give the benefit of the doubt to anons and anyone sending me a message online in general. God knows there were times I meant well but it was received wrongly. But anyway, my mind was more boggled than I was hurt, that’s one thing for sure.

joonie-mono said: + it was called love so shallow which genuinely made me see myself in a character, but my point was that your writing has a specific feel to it, it's made me laugh and cry (His Name personally killed me :] ) and that's my opinion. You and your writing are amazing and I'm sorry but that anon was just so wrong.

oof bringing out the evidence. be my attorney please.

Anonymous said: As someone who has read your entire masterlist (and going through it again) i will have to wholeheartedly disagree with that anon. The way you portray SO many emotions in your fics is *chefs kiss* and I honestly thought that the ones that “lack emotion” were meant to be that way, with an open ending, the idea that their love just started, soo.... yeah, I’ll have to disagree.

There are definitely stories of mine that are a bit looser on romance. Such as Kitchen Romance, The President’s Son, The Heiress’ Son, Arcadia, etc. But I have a loooot of fics that are quite emphasized in either despair/sadness or cute fluff.

ladyartemesia said: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I am here to disrespectfully disagree with anon who probably doesn’t write effing ANYTHING and has no idea what it takes to produce the content you do. I have followed for months and I’m still not through your masterlist BECAUSE reading your stories is a bloomin EMOTIONAL EVENT. When I read Brass and Strings, I LOST A WHOLE DAY. Like I was so into it, my DAY was gone. Anon is prolly salty there isn’t more smut I guess. That’s whatever for them. (Part 1)

It’s subtle, deep, meaningful, and incredible and you’re one of my favorite authors. I can’t FOR A SECOND let that comment go cause it’s RIDICULOUS. You’re literally so gifted. You don’t need to change a thing. Every artist, no matter their medium, should continue to improve. So in that sense I wish you all the growth in the world as you work towards the perfection of your craft. BUT SERIOUSLY you’re an incredible writer. That anon is loony. I’m so sorry you had to even read those crazy words.

As I answer these messages, it’s starting to feel like I’m the third party mediator of a dispute and all y’all are just HAMMERING it to this anon, LOL. I’m not sure if the anon is necessarily requesting for more smut but if they are, they might be happy this Friday (*COUGH spoiler for those actually reading my responses)

Anyway, you’re too kind. thank you. I am definitely not as hurt as I was earlier.

((and tbh you’re hilarious, you’re actually making me laugh irl))

krystle1990 said: Woah!! Ok first that Anon is absolutely crazy. I literally stalk your page for new work being put out! I probably blow up your notifications daily. I've never been disappointed in any of your work. You always give a heads up if it will take time for the characters to realize their feelings which I absolutely love. It always leaves me ready for the next part and I am glued to my phone with every update. You're amazing and I can't wait to see how you grow with your work. 💜😘

ASDFGHJKL PLEASEEE if it’s someone who’s worried about blowing up notifications, it’s me. To those who have notifications on I sincerely can’t fathom how often I blow up people’s phones. I digress, I always give out warnings to keep people patient since I know slow burn can be excruciating haha thank you for the message.

kigurumu said: Also just want to add that saying you have good intentions or "don't mean to be mean" does not cancel out whatever offensive thing you just said. IT WILL STILL RUDE. Not saying all negative feedback is bad. Criticism can be hard to take no matter how it's phrased, but telling a writer to be more like another writer is like telling them their style isn't good enough which is NOT helpful. Your writing is your own. If the anon wants to read fics that are like gukyi's, they can read gukyi's fics 🙄

Also I've been waiting until Sugar and Coffee is done so I can binge it all at once but avoiding spoilers from all the asks is so hard haha! I keep seeing all these good things about it and I'm SO tempted to just read it now but I've already waited this long so I don't wanna give up kfnrjrofvjskdh guess I'll reread your other fics in the meantime

The message was fine on its own but I think dragging in another writer at the end was definitely not ok. When will comparing writers end. But regardless, gukyi and I are cool with one another - i mean we wrote 100k together so it’s gonna have to take a reverse Zuko arc for us to be on bad terms lol

Anyway, oooh you’re one of those bingers. Can’t say I blame you cause I love binging myself, so it’s understandable for readers to wait till the series is over. and since you were so kind in following up your original message with two more and expressing so much appreciation for me :’), I’ll let you know that the finale of Sugar and Coffee will be posted by July 20th! by then, the entire series will be completed. 

Anonymous said: Tbh i think that neither you nor that anon is wrong. Some people like it more romanticised and cheesy, some people dont. I believe that your stories are more on the realistic side of life. People (whom your characters represent) cant always be cheesy and passionate for love, there are other things in life! Maybe you're just the type who's too realistic for any hopeless romantic things like i am and it's fine. Not all writers can write dramatic romance

Tbh, I agree. It’s a matter of opinion and there’s no one wrong in the fight of opinions. As I’ve said many times on my blog, the cringe factor varies between person to person. What someone might think is fluffy is absolutely cringey to another. What someone might think is a good amount of fluff is not enough for someone else. I’ve written a lot. And I’ve made sure to add lots of variations between the amount of romance in my stories. Indeed, some are definitely more subtle and “realistic” while others are completely cheesy and makes me gag from the amount of sugar in it lol I just think the anon should take a look at more of my stories before coming up with such a conclusive opinion.

Anonymous said: I’ve been reading your fics for over a year now and religiously follow updates every week. Why? Because they make me feel something whether it be joy from fluff or grief from angst. I’ll remember a story of yours months after I first read it and return to it just to feel those emotions again. I understand that emotional responses are usually subjective but I think that anon needs to read your works again, because they sure are missing out.

I replied to that anon that they should check out more of my fics and then come back to tell me if they haven’t changed their minds, so I don’t know if they’re missing out or not lol

I don’t expect my stories to elicit emotional responses or fanatic feedback for everyone. God knows there’s been other people’s writing styles that just didn’t resonate with me no matter how hard I tried to read their stories. But all I ask is that people try. It’s fine if you give up halfway but at least try reading. That’s fair to ask, right?

[magioftheseas]

Encroaching Shadows

Summary: In which Natsuhiko has to come to terms with the terror he's willingly associated himself with for his lady's sake. Or at least he tries.

Rating: T+

Warnings: Suicide and minor violence.

Notes: I think the broadcasting club is neat. I would like more material that fleshes out their character. There’s not a lot of fan-material that does so, and thus I wrote this fic to fill some of that void. Also I was just really interested in the idea of exploring Natsuhiko and his relationships (particularly with Tsukasa). He’s surprisingly valid for a simp.

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

Commission? Donate?

The school bell resounded through the halls. Orange light filtered through the windows, and there, encased in the encroaching shadows, a pair of students laid entwined on the floor.

It’s strange, Natsuhiko thought. It’s so cold. Even though we’re close.

He wants to laugh, but it hurts too much to do so and he’s just tired. So, so tired. There’s dust particles fluttering about in the air—and there’s blood streaking the floor and his uniform. The hand he has in his grasp has long gone limp, but it’s still pliable. His heart is still hammering stubbornly, and he does crack a smile.

Looks like I’m slow to die, too.

For now, he supposes he can enjoy the moment. She’s always been so cold, tense, and distant, but now she’s close and relaxed. She looks like she’s sleeping. She’s beautiful.

Natsuhiko uses his free hand to brush back the strands of spring green, still vibrant against her pale cheeks. She doesn’t so much as stir. But it does feel—strange. Like rubber, almost. She’s still cold. She’s still freezing. When he inhales, bitter iron mingles with only remnants of her natural perfume.

It’s cold. It still hurts. He doesn’t know if he can sleep like this. It’s taking what feels like forever.

I’m tired, but I don’t—I don’t...?

Oh. Wow. He’s shaking.

I-I don’t want to—

He wants to scream, but he’s frozen in place, held there by a beautiful dead girl.

“What’s thiiiiis?”

Natsuhiko blinks. The new voice isn’t what he expected. Innocent curiosity instead of a scream of horror. Something drifts closer—even though he can’t hear any footprints. But when his head shifts, he does see a round childish face, with wide eyes and two little fangs peaking from his open mouth.

A kid...?

The kid isn’t wearing the school’s uniform, but upon meeting his stare, he pulls down his hat and grins.

“It’s nice to meet you! I’m Tsukasa! You called me, huh?”

“Called...?” The words are sluggish. Of course, Natsuhiko is having difficulty speaking. It still hurts so bad that he has to gasp pretty greedily for air as he does. “N-No, no, you don’t understand.”

“I wasn’t talking to you,” the kid chirped, now with a terrifyingly vacant expression. “I meant her.” In the reflection in Natsuhiko’s wild and disbelieving stare, the kid’s lips curved upwards in what couldn’t possibly be described as a smile. “Sakura, right?”

In the end, it was Natsuhiko’s screaming that alerted someone else.

--

“There is the near shore, and the far shore,” Tsukasa sing-songs. “The only way to cross is either through cooperation or to die. I don’t really care for that. I just help those who’ve drowned in-between.”

He twirls around.

“It’s funny. How many wishes you make when you’re dying. When you’re dead. It’s also pretty sad, so I don’t miiiiind granting them. That said, I can’t do them for free! I require payment!”

She stares, expressionless and cold.

“You’ve already given up your life,” he reminded her cheerfully. “After that—what’s a little more?”

“You can grant any wish?” she asks, simple and unperturbed.

“Any, any! Even if it’s supposed to be impossible! I’m not like my brother, you know!” Tsukasa beams, leaning in close, with the glittering gaze of a predator. “Those who try to tell you anything’s impossible are liars. I don’t like liars.”

She’s still unmoved.

“Then, I...”

She only hesitates for the briefest of moments.

“I’ll give anything, Hanako-san.”

--

A lot of people have been giving Natsuhiko pitying stares, no matter how often he smiles or laughs them off. Even the teachers are going pretty painfully easy on him. It was pretty nice, considering how he was used to looks of contempt for the longest time before. At least, it was nice—until it started feeling too fake and fleeting to stand.

“If you need anyone, I’m here to listen,” a classmate says to him. He thinks it’s the class president? They’ve literally never held a conversation outside of Natsuhiko being scolded for taking things too lightly. And now, this person is saying, “Take care of yourself, okay, Hyuuga-kun?”

It feels like a joke, so he smiles. It’s not very funny, but he still laughs.

“It’s fine, it’s fine!”

He doesn’t want to be here, so he escapes. All the way back to the room where everything changed. Where the only person who treats him normally remains. She’s sipping tea and at true ease.

“My lady,” he greets. “I’m—”

“Supposed to be in class,” she cuts him off. “What are you doing here? Leave. Right this instance.”

It’s only here where his smile twitches.

“I’d rather be with you.”

“Sakura,” a kid cuts in, floating by with a wide, inquiring gaze. “Is that guy your boyfriend?”

“He’s not,” she replies curtly. “He is little more than a nuisance.”

So harsh! But he does laugh sincerely.

“Am I your boyfriend?”

Wait, no! Now, he can actually panic.

“No.” She doesn’t miss a beat. “That is not our relationship. I am your assistant and nothing more.”

“Oh, okay!” The kid still embraces her tightly, much to Natsuhiko’s despair. The brat even has an innocent smile on his face as he does so. “She’s my assistant and you’re an annoyance! So, hurry up and leave!”

“Sorry,” Natsuhiko said, shaking his head. “Uh, no can do. See, it’s so suffocating that I might actually die for real. Sorry, my lady. Do you mind me being selfish for a while?”

Sakura gives him a long hard look. Because she loves him, she’s visibly irritated. But because she’s too kind for her own good, she sighs and nods.

“Very well. Just do not expect me to pay you more mind than the air.”

She’s really great, and Natsuhiko’s all too happy to sit down in the corner and admire her, especially admire the way light rays catch on her heavenly visage. It’s just a shame that the brat is a blight in black, drifting behind like a shadow. The kid’s quick to ignore him, reaching out across the table and stuffing his face with the treats laid out.

He eats messily, licking his fingers like a greedy, greedy child. Sakura sets her tea aside, sighs, and hands him a handkerchief to wipe his face off with. He, of course, blows his nose in it.

“I’ve been thinking,” the kid says. “How about the story of the youkai?”

“We should space out the rumors,” Sakura replied. “If we are too aggressive too quickly, those who stop us will act fast.” A pause. “Patience, Hanako-san. Think about the long run. Think about how much you’d like to accomplish.”

The kid bites his hand on accident, but he doesn’t even bat an eye and just keeps on eating.

“Long run?” He swallows, and then he laps at the injury on his hand just as a cat would. “Are we going somewhere? I still haven’t figured out a way to leave the school, Sakura.”

“I meant metaphorically. That surely, you want better results that last, rather than an inconvenient burst that fizzles.” She holds out her hand. “Let me bandage you up.”

The kid stuck his entire hand into his mouth. Sakura twitched. Natsuhiko got up and retrieved a small kit they kept in the club room, one that only he really used.

“Kid,” he said. “How about you let my lady do all the planning for now? She used to be top of her class, you know. She’s very smart.” Walking up to them, he pulled the kid’s hand out of his mouth and began to wipe it off. “Just relax.”

The little asswipe spat in his face. Natsuhiko accidentally got it in his mouth, shuddered, and he began to turn quite pale. He most certainly ended up gagging into the trashcan.

“Don’t do that,” Sakura reprimanded. “If you are getting unruly, you should go for a walk to clear your mind instead.” Then, directed to the still slumped Natsuhiko, “You can keep an eye on him, can’t you?”

“E-Eh?” Weakly and dizzily, he lifted his head. “You’re not coming with?”

“I’d rather have time by myself to think, if that is to be allowed.” She looked toward the kid patiently. Natsuhiko didn’t remark on it. The way Sakura was clearly waiting for permission. The way the kid grinned.

“Sure, why not! I’m getting bored of this room anyway!”

Swallowing back his own bile, Natsuhiko forced an irritated smile before making his way over and pulling the kid by the arm.

“You’re not going to immediately run off and cause trouble, right?”

The kid beams up at him, too. And then he spits on his face again.

--

The thing is, as horrible as the brat is, Natsuhiko does find himself fretting when the kid wanders too far off for reasons beyond everyone else’s sake.

“Can you stay close?” he practically begs. “Do you need your hand held or what?”

The kid blinks wide eyes at him. The widest pair of eyes that Natsuhiko has ever seen. He sticks out the hand that’s been bandaged, and Natsuhiko is too taken aback to do anything but mutely take it.

What the hell? It’s almost like he actually is a kid.

It’s—weirdly nostalgic. There had been a time where Natsuhiko found a lost kid before. She had been bawling her eyes out and crying for her mother, and obviously, he couldn’t leave her alone. She gripped his hand tightly enough to bruise, but she had been precious all the same. It had been enough to make Natsuhiko wish he had a younger sibling of his own.

This wasn’t exactly like that, because this kid—Tsukasa, right—was a terror and probably a demon. But his hand was still small in Natsuhiko’s own, and Natsuhiko could almost pretend it hadn’t been used to tear smaller spirits into smaller pieces.

Maybe, he thought, squeezing that deceptively small hand. This kid, he—just needs guidance? Like an older sibling?

The kid was now staring in the same direction that Natsuhiko was, seemingly confused as if there was something that caught his attention. He’s squinting, too, as if there’s something beyond all that nothing.

“Tsukasa, right?” Natsuhiko finally spoke up, getting his attention.

“That’s me!” The kid beamed. “Did you somehow forget?”

It’s because I get confused. That’s not what the lady calls you. But, he knows he’s dumb so he doesn’t expect it to make sense even if it’s explained to him. “Uh. There anywhere in particular you want to go?”

Tsukasa hums thoughtfully.

“Theeeee—garden? Maybe?”

“Ooh, good choice,” Natsuhiko agrees amicably. “There are some cute girls in the gardening club after all.”

“I want to eat everything there.”

“Haha... I hear there’s a great view from one of the windows. Let’s go there instead.”

“Mmkay.”

--

Tsukasa half-dangles out of window, and Natsuhiko has to keep a secure grip on the back of his robe so that he doesn’t fall. He has no doubts that Tsukasa is completely indifferent towards the girls tending the flowers. Actually, he seems to be waving his arms at a bird perched below.

Natsuhiko, thinking of a cat, tugged him back so that the bird remained safely out of the demon brat’s reach.

He’s more than a handful, alright. Because of him, the lady suffers even more than she already had. But also because of him, she’s still here. So how should I feel towards him, exactly?

He doesn’t really want to feel gratitude or indebted, even if the kid had been well-meaning in his intervention. He’s definitely irritated, aggravated, and concerned about this kid the way he’d be worried about a ticking time bomb. Although because of the kid’s appearance being that of, well, a kid, he can’t deny there being a protective aspect as well.

“Oh.”

Case in point, Natushiko’s grip slipped enough that Tsukasa would’ve fallen out the window and that only earned a dulled response from the kid. Meanwhile, Natsuhiko yelped and managed to grab his ankles at the last minute and yanked him back in with, of course, an angry bird that was fluttering and squirming in the kid’s grasp.

“Let that go!” Natsuhiko snapped, slapping his wrists so that he’d release the poor thing and the bird wasted no time in flying away in several desperate wing flaps. “Also, be more careful! No more hanging out of windows, alright, kid?!”

“I don’t get the big deal,” the brat replied. “It’s not like I would’ve died.”

“That’s—!” Completely true. He’s a ghost. He wasn’t at any actual risk. But. I... “Not the problem! I would’ve had to run down so many stairs to make sure you didn’t cause real damage! Especially to the garden! It’s no good to make girls cry, y’know! Especially girls as cute as those!”

Tsukasa had already lost interest and was now gathering the feathers scattered across the floor. He observed the speckled ones with wide eyes, and Natsuhiko could only heave out a heavy sigh.

This brat... This piece of shit devil brat...

“You really are a kid, aren’t you?” He kneels down to gather feathers as well, chuckling as he did. “You’re especially bad-behaved, though.”

“Mm.” Tsukasa nods, so at least he’s aware of that. “So people say.”

So people say... Were you like this even as a human? How long have you been a kid, exactly? And—how many of those years were spent alone?

“Mm?” Tsukasa blinks at him owlishly and then he starts counting on his fingers. “Um, ten... Twenty... Thirty? What year is it?”

“Year?” Natsuhiko repeated dumbly. “Did I—ask that aloud?”

“I died... What year was it?” Tsukasa’s head tilts as he thinks it over. “Um. Ummm. It was—right. No. Um.” His face scrunches up. “Amane and I heard on the radio. Man just walked on the moon. Right! That was 1969!” He blinks several times, smile frozen. “Was that...the year I died?”

“1969?!” Natsuhiko choked. “K-Kid, that—that was like, fifty years ago!”

“Fifty! Yeah!” Tsukasa exclaimed delightedly, pointing at him with the feather before beaming. “Fifty years! It’s been fifty!”

“W-Well, it hasn’t been exactly fifty,” Natsuhiko mutters, flustered, to Tsukasa’s confusion. “But like, it has been a while. That was... Jeez, that was before my parents were born.”

“Yeah,” Tsukasa agrees, almost distantly. “Phones can be carried around now. Super weird.”

Fifty and even forty years are a pretty long time. The more he thought about it, the more he realized it was beyond his comprehension. Standing up, he folded his arms.

“Alright, so I guess now’s as good a time as any. Listen, kid. We’re going to be associated for however long you need the lady for, so we might as well get along, yeah?” Of course, Tsukasa was shuffling through his feathers to see all the different designs he had. Attention span of a squirrel, this kid, but Natsuhiko pushed through, fueled by his determination. “That said, you clearly need someone to watch over you and make sure you don’t get into trouble. So, from now on, you can consider me your big brother, yeah?” He winked as Tsukasa looked up at him. “I promise I’ll be nice and spoil you from time to time.”

Tsukasa’s expression was completely unreadable. Natsuhiko, still smiling, offered his hand to help the other up. To his relief, the kid took his hand—and then to his immediate horror, the kid twisted his arm in a way that threatened to break bone. Before he could even get out a plea, he was slammed into the wall. He yelped, his heart pounding.

“K-Kid?! Hey?! C-Come on, if I said something wrong, you could’ve just yelled at me...!” He feels his jaw swelling from the impact and winces as Tsukasa presses his wrist harder into his back. His legs were shaking. “K-Kid... Kid, please... Please...”

“I,” Tsukasa inhales and huffs into his ear. To do so, he must have been standing on his tippy toes, and the realization that this runt could very well kill him and nobody would be able to do anything had Natsuhiko’s breath hitch in hysterics. Tsukasa just goes on, “I already have a big brother. You’re not to take his place.”

“O-Okay!” Natsuhiko cried, trembling. “Okay, okay! I won’t! P-Promise! I’m sorry!”

Tsukasa doesn’t respond. For a few heart-pounding seconds, Natsuhiko lets his eyes screw shut, tears seeping through and then—nothing. The kid lets him go. And when Natsuhiko tentatively looks back, hand instinctively going to his bruised jaw. No one was there. No one at all.

“...kid?”

“Oh gosh!” someone exclaims and Natsuhiko just sees it’s one of his classmates rushing up, face awash in alarm. “Hyuuga-kun, are you okay?! Did someone attack you?”

“I just...” Gaze dropping, all Natsuhiko observes is the scattered mess of feathers. “A, huh, bird flew in and I had a hell of a time getting it to leave... I guess. Haha.”

Seriously—what the hell was that even about?

--

“U-Um... My lady, we, um, we have a problem.”

In his shame, he can only return to the broadcasting club empty-handed. The lady perks up from her reading, expression impassive as Natsuhiko ducks his head and avoids her stare.

“I uh, I don’t...know where the kid is.”

“What happened to your face, Natsuhiko?”

Normally, he’d light up from her show of concern, but he just flinches instead, grimacing.

“Said something that made the kid angry. I...” He laughs it off. “Did you know he had a big brother?”

“Yes,” she replied. “Of course I did.”

That had him jolt with surprise.

“W-Wha, for real?!”

“The other Hanako-san,” she explained simply. “He mentions him all the time. You never noticed?”

“Mentions... Who?” The gears began to turn and after a while, Natsuhiko gasped, figuring it out. “Amane?!”

“That was his brother’s human name, yes.”

“No way! I thought that was an old crush!” Under the lady’s withering stare, he hurriedly added, “O-Or like, a sister. Because, uh, Amane’s a girl’s name...”

“It’s gender-neutral, Natsuhiko.”

“Yeah... Guess so.” He nods along. “Uh, wow. Okay. So... Wait. Other Hanako-san?”

“How badly did he hurt you?”

Natsuhiko held up his bandaged wrist with a chuckle. “Sprained it a bit but nothing too severe, thank god. But that kid’s seriously scary, my lady.”

“You were fortunate,” she said softly. “In his current state, he cannot cause much harm. He is still weak, for the time being.”

Geez, if that’s weak, I’m even more terrified.

“Do not worry about his absence,” she goes on. “Because of his state, he will return shortly. He cannot move around much and could be banished back here with something as small as a splash of hot tea.” Coincidentally, she sips the tea she has laying out. “I apologize, however. You got mixed up in this mess because of me.”

“And I don’t mind it if it’s for your sake!” He’d grab her hand but his wrist hurts too much to do that, so he just makes the gesture limply in the air. She stares at him with disdain, and it brings much more positive shivers down his spine.

Then, that lovely gaze dulls, and her frown deepens.

“So,” he says. “Uh. What’s this about another—Hanako-san?”

“That child grants the wishes of the dead,” she said. “But his brother grants the wishes of the living. Not everyone can summon him, however.”

“Huuuuh. I see.” Natsuhiko rubs his chin, and winces because he accidentally messes with his jaw. “Maybe I could try and see if he can keep the kid in check better? I mean, I could probably see him.”

Although what am I going to do if the older brother has an even worse temper?

“Do not do anything unnecessary,” the lady snapped at him. “Understand, Natsuhiko?”

Anger borne of concern is good, though.

“Got’cha~!”

He agreed without a second thought but a part of him still wondered. Now that he wasn’t afraid for his life, he could mull things over better.

Older brother who grants the wishes of the living... If he’s at all better behaved, why couldn’t we have ended up with him?

Well. He knows why. He’s stupid and dense, but he’s not completely blind to his situation and surroundings. He could only wish to be so ignorant, that way he wouldn’t notice the pitying and weary looks he gets for reasons beyond his personality. He hasn’t been asked any questions about that day him and the lady were discovered in the classroom, and that’s for the better. Because there’s nothing to say. No answer to give.

He had already agreed to sever ties by staying with her. The least he can do is commit even when the initial plan falls through due to one violent little runt with a brother complex.

Still.

“I’m back!”

Without a care, as if he never lost his temper, the kid drops in and clings to the lady much to Natsuhiko’s gritted dismay.

“You should not lose your temper so easily,” the lady reprimanded, albeit gently. “Natsuhiko is not worth throwing a tantrum over.”

“Ehhh? You really think so?” The kid turns those big eyes back at him, and all Natsuhiko can do is force a smile and wave with his bandaged hand. Pursing his lips, the kid looked contemplative. “Okay.” He buries his face into the lady’s hair. “Sakura, I’m tired.”

“You overdid it,” she said, and Natsuhiko watches as the kid slumps against her.

“I’m really, really tired, Sakura.”

“Because you overdid it.”

“Read me something!”

Natsuhiko twitched as the lady simply sighed.

“Natsuhiko, pull up a chair for him.”

He does so, lips pressed tightly together and he doesn’t say anything even though the kid clamors into the chair and doesn’t even sit in it properly. He just props his head against the back and lets his eyes fall shut as the lady reads her book aloud in a droning voice. The kid falls into a not-quite rest, but Natsuhiko knows better at this point. He’s stupid, but he can figure stuff out.

The evening bell to signal that the school day was over is resounding. Natsuhiko wonders if anyone’s worried about him. He shakes his head, deciding it doesn’t matter.

“So that white expanse up there is really made up of stars?” The lady crooned, and the kid answers with a content hum. “No matter how long he looked at it, he just couldn’t imagine space being the cold, empty place his teacher had said it was.”

The shadows begin to creep in, the sun setting, and it wouldn’t be long before the last living soul was lost in the whispers.

[quickspinner]

⭐️star⭐️ Oooooorrr Hey gorgeous. Honestly one of my favorite lukanette stories of all time. Whichever you prefer 😊

Ask for director’s commentary

All right I’ve got another star in my inbox so we’ll go with Hey Gorgeous since that’s probably my most popular piece to date. So, how about a little bit of background, a couple of the issues I had writing it, and a deleted scene? I’m gonna go ahead and put a cut here because, as we all know: I’m wordy.

HG was totally an accident; I had no idea how it was going to blow up either in size or popularity. It’s also a fic that wouldn’t have happened, or at least wouldn’t have been nearly as big, if I hadn’t gotten such a great reaction to the beginning, so just know: Your feedback matters. If you like something, tell the author, because you never know what might happen (but it’s almost always more fic in some way or another).

I wrote the original 8 or 9 pieces mostly in one go; I did a little filling out and polishing before I posted each piece, and then when the feedback was so positive I started thinking about how I could continue and expand it, and I just jotted down the scenes as they came to me. That was really the fun thing about HG, aside from all the flirting which was fun to write--I didn’t worry about the things that usually stall me a bit. Because of the way I was writing it I didn’t worry about connecting scenes or flow. Usually, when I write a story, I have a bunch of really vivid scenes in my mind that I write first, and then I have to go back and connect them and smooth everything into a flow, but I didn’t bother with that with HG and that gave the story a really unique energy. Since it didn’t have a serious, plot-heavy narrative arc, I could just hit the high points of the relationship and that made it a lot of fun. 

I struggled a lot sometimes with whether Luka was really in character; HG Luka had a little less reserve and a little more sass than canon Luka. I tried to keep the things I see really essential to his character; his music (obviously), his empathy and sensitivity, his relationship with Juleka, his tendency to be a helper/caretaker and a problem solver. I admit I get salty with people who think there’s nothing to Luka; I think that the show gives us a lot of implied information and it’s not hard to extrapolate from there (if you actually care enough to think about it for five minutes instead of just dismissing his entire character because you don’t like the competition), but there’s also kind of a lot of wiggle room with him, because he gets so little screen time, and since I was working with an older Luka, I tried to sort of run with a direction I felt was plausible, even if it was a little more extreme than what we’d seen from him so far. That’s another reason why the feedback was so important in making this story continue; when I started to question what I was doing, I would look at the reactions and think, well, I must be doing something right, so here goes.

With that said, there were times where I started second guessing and got a little bit stuck. One of those spots was the moment where Luka sat down and talked to Marinette about the future. I didn’t want it to turn into a spontaneous proposal (because I already had the proposal scene planned) but I did feel like it was an important discussion to have. I also felt like I should show some conflict in their relationship, and that seemed like kind of a good point, but in the end...I just didn’t want to write it. I didn’t want to write them fighting! Because I didn’t want to it was next to impossible to actually do it, so finally I said the hell with it, I don’t care if it makes them look too perfect, I’m not dealing with that. But in the process of thinking through all of that I wrote this version of the scene, thinking maybe I could handle the argument in flashback, but ultimately, I decided it didn’t fit the tone of the story, and resigned myself to the fact that they would just stay too perfect. I can’t say I regret it, honestly. (Also I don’t know why there was so much cursing in this version of the scene, but it might have to do with the way I was winding myself up over getting it right, lol.)

***

Toni’s words weighed on his mind, but he couldn’t quite find the courage, or the words, or the right opening. 

Luka was overthinking it, he knew. Blunt, raw honesty had gotten him this far. They’d done the meet the parents thing, they lived together, and he was honestly being fucking ridiculous. It wasn’t as if he was asking her for any kind of commitment. 

So why was he so fucking terrified that asking her about the future was crossing a line? That it would somehow make her really look at the idea of a life with him and cause her to freak the fuck out.

He’d seen her freak out, a few months ago when she’d had deadlines stacked up and it was clearly physically impossible for her to meet them all. It wasn’t pretty. It was messy and tearful and honestly a little bit traumatizing, giving him flashbacks to Juleka’s darkest days. Seeing Marinette like that scared him literally sick, and the fight they’d had afterwards gave him chills to think about.

He’d been quietly furious that she had let things get so bad, but he had held it in until her deadlines were past and he’d thought she had recovered enough to talk about it...but she hadn’t, and it turned out neither had he. She’d fled livid and crying to Alya and he’d sobbed in Juleka’s lap, and in the end, after they’d both been talked down enough to deal with each other again, they’d agreed that Marinette had overextended herself to the point of endangering her health and sanity, and that Luka could find ways to confront her about it that didn’t involve projecting all the emotional trauma of his childhood into a situation that, while bad, wasn’t nearly dire enough to warrant his level of reaction. 

Luka hated himself for weeks afterward, even more so because Juleka felt guilty that her past problems had been a contributing factor. He probably owed her therapist a gift basket.

He jumped as he felt Marinette’s hands on his shoulders. “Hey, Gorgeous.” 

“Y-you’re t-tense t-today,” she said, leaning over the back of the couch. “Are y-you r-r-r—” She closed her eyes, and Luka reached up to squeeze her hand and sighed. He’d freaked her out, and now she was nervous. Her stutter was hardly ever that bad at home unless she was stressed out. “Sssorry,” she sighed. 

“It’s fine, I know I’ve been weird. Come on over here, I’ve been trying to figure out how to bring this up and I guess I might as well just blurt it out. It’s not bad stuff, just...well, I don’t know how you’re going to feel about it.”

Marinette came around the side of the couch and sat down next to him. Luka gave into the impulse to pull her into his lap. She wriggled around until she was snuggled against him but could still see his face. “You know I met with my agent the other day,” he said, figuring that was the best place to start. “She’s not happy about some of the choices I’ve been making, about the work I’ll take. She thinks I’m not thinking long term enough, and I…” He paused, and bit his lip, squeezing her thigh nervously. “I guess...I don’t know how to think long term without talking to you first. And I would never, ever want to pressure you into anything and I’m not asking you for any kind of commitment or—” Marinette put her fingers over his lips lightly to stop him. 

“J-just t-tell mmme what you w-want,” she said softly. 

Luka smiled. “I just wanna stay with you, babe, that’s all. I can do what I do anywhere. Toni thinks I should be willing to travel more, make more contacts now with people that will be big later. It all makes sense, I guess, except…” he shrugged. “I just don’t care. I’m not out to get famous or rich, I just want to be comfortable, and happy, and right now I’m all of those here with you.”

Marinette’s lips thinned slightly, and one finger tapped lightly on his arm in a nervous tic that meant she was thinking hard. Luka waited as patiently as he could, though his whole body felt tense and nervous. Marinette’s mind was a thing of wonder, and it was probably racing along paths of possibility he hadn’t even considered. 

When her focus returned to him, she didn’t speak immediately, and suddenly Luka found himself asking, “Does it bother you, that I don’t care about all that stuff? Is it...is it too much for me to want to always be here? Am I too much?”

“No,” she said clearly. “I don’t think you c-could b-be as...as you if that w-was what you wwwanted. And y-you’re n-not t-too mmmuch.” She turned pink. “Y-you’re mmy s-safe p-place, L-luka. Y-you always b-back off when I n-need ssspace, usually even b-before I h-have to ask. I w-want you to b-be here.” 

His shoulders must’ve lowered two inches in relief. Marinette giggled, patting his cheek. “I w-want you t-to be h-happy. I’m h-happy y-you asked mme, b-but I t-trust you to manage your c-career your own w-way.”

[darkpoisonouslove]

2020 in Words

After the total exhaustion and lack of motivation of the last few months, I have finally found the strength to review 2020. In terms of writing, that is. Otherwise, we ain’t touching that with a 100-foot pole. But anyway, let’s get to the actual good part of 2020 - the writing.

Word Count:

678, 105 words

And that isn’t actually all. I have started various things that 2021 caught still in progress so there are more words to be added to that number but I’ll count them towards whatever time frame I finish them in (I do not even dare assume that all of them will be finished this year).

A little over 1/7th of that word count was accomplished only in March when I wrote over 100k words. Wow, productivity where did you go? I know that the world is going to hell but do you mind coming back? I can use you. I have so many new ideas that I am really excited about but totally lack the energy to actually get to. Hope that will change in the next weeks because there is A Lot going on in my head that I am actually dying to share.

Fandoms:

Winx Club has totally taken over for me. I have barely written five works this year that are not about that show and I just don’t know what is happening anymore. I have so many thoughts and things to discuss and fix about it and I have a feeling that some upcoming events will only reinforce that position. But what truly matters is that it has truly made 2020 more bearable to be in the fandom and write fic. The interactions with other fans have been lovely which is totally worth the brain damage that some experiences over this show have inflicted.

Once Upon a Time lurked until about the half of the year but I can’t say that I have been actively interested in it. I just rewatched 4A for the Frozen Swan interactions and 4B for Cruella De Vil and that was pretty much all of it this year. I think it’s safe to say that at this point I have more or less moved on from the show and I do not expect a miraculous comeback to it. Which leaves my rewatch dangling over the chasm of uncertainty but I have projects I am far more interested in rn to be thinking about that.

I actually joined the Lucifer fandom this year, though I cannot say that I am active in it at all. It was nice to challenge myself with the small contribution I made to the fanworks in the fandom so I am putting it here because I am not done with watching the show even though I don’t think I have a good enough grasp on any of the characters in order to actually write them.

Ships:

Well, 2020 definitely delivered on that front. I have found myself piles of new ships to ship the hell out. Some I am more grateful about, others leave me slightly bitter over not knowing what to do with them but it certainly hasn’t been boring. Because this is my wrap-up and contemplation, I get to list them and maybe say a couple of words about some of them.

Griffin x Valtor - Not new but it was definitely the biggest part of that year.

Griffin x Valtor x Faragonda - New in the sense of me having written a fic about this now... and having several more ideas on my drives so... beware, future!

Griffin x Faragonda - Also not new but when the feelings catch up with me, they really mean it. Two major bursts of inspiration about them have left me with interesting results and I am looking forward to finding out where this goes.

Marion x Oritel - That was new. It was the first new ship of the year. I have more ideas about them but the muse has not visited lately. I am not giving up, though. Sometimes you gotta sail the ship even when there’s no wind.

Flora x Icy - That was definitely a surprise. I don’t know what happened but I do know that a goddamn look at Pinterest has brought on an entire epic about them (and the other Trix and Winx) so... thanks for that, Pinterest. I wish you could pin free time on Pinterest and go consume it later so that I would actually have the time to work on all of this.

Layla x Stella - Oh, yeah, baby! I have feelings and I really want to do at least an outline of what would be too long to actually write as a fic, especially since I have A Lot on my plate rn.

Griffin x Griselda - Well, that... happened. I have no idea where any of this is going, only that it is a major part of Griffin’s arc in my most major series so... I guess it’s headed somewhere. Just have to stay along for the ride.

Zarathustra x Griselda - So totally trashcankitty12′s fault... But I guess I am the one responsible for actually including it in already ongoing stories.

Ediltrude x DuFour - Okay, that one I totally roped myself into. Do I regret it? ... Maybe a little because it may need to remain just background thanks to everything else that I have going on.

Griffin x Marion - Almost forgot that which is a damn shame because it is one of my absolute most favorite ships.

Griffin x Valtor x Marion - Not gonna lie, this has been sneaking into some stray ideas too repetitively to be an accident. Will it ever exist outside of my head, though?

Samara x Erendor - I just wanted to make them more likable to me because they were my least favorite characters on the show. Worked too well and now I am in fic hell.

Bloom x Sky - I got ONE idea, okay? Too bad that I love it too much for my own good, especially considering that it is sort of a rewrite of the series. Like I didn’t have enough of those already.

There are more, actually, but we will be here all day if I have to list every stray idea that I have entertained so let’s just move on.

Stories:

Winx Club - 80 (4 unfinished and 3 that I have been dragging with me since 2019 for a total of 7/111 incomplete.)

OUAT - 3 (all finished but I have two collections that are still open from 2019 and 2018 respectively)

Lucifer - 1 (it was a one-shot but I am glad that I managed to write it at all)

Original works - 1 (poem that I came up with at 4am)

That makes a total of 85 written works this year which is honestly astounding! My brain has been harping on me about not being productive since June but I have actually gotten quite a lot of work done! (Fun fact - my total for 2019 was 58 stories, and for 2020 it is 85 XD. We’re gonna need some new numbers in 2021.)

First fic of the year - Gold and Purple (Griffin x Valtor AU inspired by a Bulgarian folk tale)

Last fic of the year - New Warmth to Weave in Your Garden of Shine (Samara x Erendor + New Year traditions and worldbuilding on Eraklyon)

Favorite writing moment - that has got to be coming up with a wild idea for my season  rewrite that I will not be spoiling now. It was also inspired by Bulgarian folklore and I am so excited to reveal it (because it is so fucking grand) but we will all have to be patient.\

Wildest writing experience - definitely the entirety of chapter 4 from A Home You Never Knew How to Have. Man, that was... a goddamn ride. In every sense of the word. I still haven’t reread that bitch after posting it even though I have opened it probably a hundred times.

I launched several series this year that will need a lot of work to be brought to completion. Naturally, my focus is not on finishing those but on starting new things. Because of course it is. So here’s a heads-up for another post that will be coming shortly with announcements of my ideas. I would like to call it a plan for 2021 but I fear that will be too presumptuous of me so I will say that it is my hope that those are things that are to be released this year but I will only lapel them as projects that I am looking forward to rather than “upcoming”.

Other Works:

This year actually bore a couple other forms of art so I am going to list my creations in other mediums below because they deserve the attention.

Aesthetics:

Icy

Darcy

Stormy

Marion

Ediltrude & Zarathustra

Siren AU:

Griffin

Ediltrude

Zarathustra

Icy

Darcy

Stormy

Magic-Swapped Transformations:

Griffin Winx

Ediltrude Winx

Zarathustra Winx

Griffin Chamrix

Ediltrude Chamrix

Zarathustra Chamrix

Griffin Enchantix

Ediltrude Enchantix

Zarathustra Enchantix

Videos:

Griffin/Valtor - The Devil I Know

Winx - Trouble

Marion x Oritel/Griffin x Valtor/Faragonda x Hagen - Savage

Bloom/Mitzi - Wicked

Samara - You Should See Me in a Crown

Bloom/Sky - Kerosene

Winx Rewatch:

I actually rewatched all 8 seasons of the show + the 3 movies and I have written out my thoughts on all of them. You can find them here:

Winx Club Season 1 4kids (Stream of Consciousness) (I am actually considering redoing this one because it wasn’t in-depth like the others are)

Winx Club Season 2 4kids Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 2 4kids Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 3 4kids Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 3 4kids Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club: The Secret of the Lost Kingdom (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 4 Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 4 Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club: Magical Adventure (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 5 Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 5 Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club: Mystery of the Abyss (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 6 Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 6 Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 7 Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 7 Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 8 Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 8 Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Special 1: Destiny of Bloom (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Special 2: Revenge of the Trix (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Special 3: The Battle for Magix (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Special 4: The Shadow Phoenix (Stream of Consciousness)

I will not be writing any takeaways because I already talked about some of those in an ask and my brain is too fired at the moment to pull off some actual analysis and compose a proper conclusion. To be perfectly honest, I prefer not to think too much on 2020. It brought a lot of good things along with the bad but I still prefer not to look back on it if it isn’t necessary. I think it received enough of my energy already.

[ckret2]

OOOH! Okay I'll be more specific :D I mainly struggle with my writing style and how I want to describe things- I usually make my fics up as I go b/c I usually hesitate to write an outline b/c i usually don't get a solid idea how I want it to go i guess?? how do you usually plan out your rodorah fics too btw?

And here's the second half of the question!!

I shared my outlining process for longfics, but for short fics I usually don't outline either. What I do do is decide what one specific thing I want my fic to do, and then I write toward that. In this one my goal was “split off from canon exactly one second before Ghidorah commits the act that sets him on the path that dooms him—killing Mothra—and do it in a way that allows Rodorah to happen.” In this one my goal was “holy shit i decided my two main characters don’t speak the same language, how the fuck am i going to get them to actually communicate with each other?” In this one my goal was “uhhhhhhhhhhh get ghidorah to not leave earth,” with a side of “remember that basically all kaiju conflicts are resolved by physical altercations rather than arguments so have them actually fight from time to time!” and a dessert of “Rodan deserves to win some fights, I want to write him winning some fights.”

In the fic after next—the one I’ve already written but not posted yet—my goal was first “when Rodan visited Mothra I had a hard time explaining in his & Ghidorah’s combined twelve vocabulary words where he was going, I need a quicker/easier way to have Rodan explain to Ghidorah where he’s going when he makes a day trip away from Isla de Mara” and then it was “Rodan should make a map. A globe. Rodan’s gonna make a globe. out of lava.” and then it was “it’d be a great way to show Ghidorah’s psychology and the way he looks down on species he doesn’t perceive as ‘machine maker’ species—including looking down on his own species—for him to be like ‘oh that’s cute Rodan’s making a ball’ and then be like ‘holy shit holy fuck he made an accurate world globe that’s amazing i am not smart enough to be hanging out with this guy.’” And by that point, I had a whole-ass fic, because it has the process of Rodan making this object and cutting back and forth with Ghidorah’s perspective as he first wildly underrates Rodan’s project and then wildly overrates Rodan’s project. And all that started because I was annoyed a dozen fics ago over trying to write Rodan explaining his travel plans.

But aside from those goals—goals which, sometimes, are very small—I often don’t start a fic knowing where I’m gonna go with it or everything precisely that’s going to happen.

And so the other things that guide my fics as I’m writing them—to ensure I don’t accidentally spin myself off sideways into a plot where the Mexican Navy declares war on Ghidorah and we totally forget about Rodan or a plot where aliens invade the Earth and then I don’t know how to continue and stop writing—is a handful of long-term goals. I’m not going to list all of them, because some of them would be big spoilers for eventual plot points, but among them are obvious things like “eventually Rodan is going to fully return Ghidorah’s feelings,” and “SOMEDAY Rodan’s gotta find out that Ghidorah was trying to destroy the planet,” and “I’d like Ghidorah to casually visit another planet to get Rodan presents, while Monarch flips its shit because this dude just brought back rocks from Venus and it only took him a couple of weeks”—things like that.

So as I’m writing, even if I’ve got no idea how or why I’m going to write those things, they’re in the back of my head. I know to not, like, have Ghidorah do things that Rodan absolutely can’t stand, because that’ll get in the way of Rodan falling for him—instead I should fic by fic be giving Rodan more things to like about Ghidorah. And then when I see a small opportunity for Ghidorah to do something little that would impress Rodan, I take it.

I don’t know when the hell Rodan’s gonna find out Ghidorah was trying to destroy the planet, and I’ve got a half dozen fuzzy ideas for what the consequences of that event could be but haven’t settled on one yet—but even though I don’t know when I’m gonna do it, I’m always very conscious of the fact that Rodan doesn’t know yet, and I’m especially conscious of that during his interactions with Mothra—because like I don’t want the conversation to get tilted in a direction where she’ll end up just casually mentioning it to him, because that’s NOT a casual discovery, that’s a revelation that deserves to be the climax of a scene because it’s got the potential to shake up or even destroy Rodan & Ghidorah’s relationship depending on how they navigate things after that.

I don’t know when Ghidorah’s going to visit another planet yet, but I know that for that to make sense, he’s got to be in a position where he feels like getting Rodan gifts—which means a) he’s got to find out that earthlings are into giving each other physical items as markers of affection/courtship, and b) he’s got to develop to a position where he feels more free to express his affections toward Rodan in ways other than quick headbutts or cuddles he immediately gets embarrassed about, and c) he’s got to feel secure enough in his relationship with Rodan that he won’t think it’ll crash down if he leaves for a couple weeks, and d) San’s got to feel securely anchored enough to his new home on Earth that he won’t be afraid that making a short space trip will drive the other two heads to go “actually, yknow what, now that we’re already out here, screw Earth, let’s move on to the next solar system and never come back,” and e) Ni’s got to be on board enough with this relationship that he won’t grumble and grouse about making a big damn elaborate trip just to grab some trinkets for their bird. Those are a bunch of tinier goals that I can work into fics one by one.

One of my goals is for Gigan to show up on Earth eventually, ya know, for the drama of it all. I don’t know when or how, but it means when I wrote the one fic I’ve written from his perspective, I knew to set it up so that it would make logical sense from that fic when he eventually pops up on Earth.

So that’s a way to write fics, especially short fics, and especially a series of short fics, without an outline. Think of it like a connect-the-dots picture. You might have one or two vague or distant goals—say, "I want these two characters to get married eventually”—and that’s one dot in the distance you’re trying to reach, and so you’re vaguely thinking about how to reach that dot and you go, “well, it’ll be hard for them to get married because they’re in enemy factions,” and now you’ve got a new dot to stick a little closer than the distant one, “one character switches sides,” and now you’re like “but why would that character switch sides?” and now you’ve got a dot a little closer that’s like “this character decides they hate their current faction,” and that scene might be ten fics away, but right now you’re writing fic #1 and decide while writing this character have an argument with their commanding officer that the officer should slap them, and that plants the first seed for their decision to switch sides. How do you get from the slap to switching sides? You don’t know! But now you’re sorta pointed in that direction. And maybe when you’ve written enough fics and added enough dots and connected a few lines, when you get to the “this character hates their current faction” dot you realize that they’re in a position where they can run into the woods between the two enemy factions in order to cry for a while and they could run into the character you want them to marry and hey, now they can have a heart-to-heart, and this pushes them further in the direction you want—you didn’t plan it originally, but because you’ve got that Get Married goal in the distance, you know vaguely which direction to steer even if you aren’t sure which roads you’re gonna take.

It helps to have a “solid idea” of what you want to happen in a story, but tbh you don’t need a whole fleshed-out solid plotline. You only need one goal, and then you aim toward it.