#and I am absolutely repulsed | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

teaboot · 4 days ago

Note

tranny freak :)

#Negativity #Transphobia #I don't know what to tell you buddy I'm not sure what your goal is here #I am genuinely so much happier like this #Figuring out that I'm a tranny freak has been the absolute best thing ever #All the loved ones who I've come out to have been so welcoming and supportive #I get to experiment with my appearance like I haven't done since my punk days in highschool #And I've always been a weirdo so freak isn't even hurtful that's been a point of pride for decades #What made you want to hurt a stranger buddy #What are you going through #Are you gonna read this and scoff cause I took a troll sincerely #Why are you so afraid of genuine connection #Why are you scared of people #Are you happy with your life right now #Do you like yourself #How much time do you spend doing this #Do you think the negativity might be getting to you #How much time do you spend feeling repulsed scornful and annoyed towards others that you gotta do something about it #I'm really sorry #I used to be a similar kinda angry and that shit taints everything #Idk man I just hope you can see the joy in things someday #There's so much cool and exciting stuff you can find when you start looking for happiness and good intentions #Kinda sad that you're missing out

448 notes · View notes

dreamerdrop · 18 days ago

Text

Julian Bashir walks a very fine, maddening line between “self-loathing imposter syndrome who knows almost everyone who speaks to him for more than a minute finds him insufferable” and “incredibly self assured and annoyingly arrogant to the point of a minor god complex”.

He knows he’s attractive, he thinks he’s charming as all hell, he knows he’s the smartest person in the room (while also being acutely aware he’s going to put his foot in his mouth any second now), and he just swings wildly between “I don’t deserve anything I have, none of this is mine, my life is not my own, I am a monster” and “HELL YEAH LOOK HOW COOL AND SMART I AM GUYS ARE YOU LOOKING ARE YOU LOOKING”.

And then there’s episodes that reveal that underneath that annoying arrogance, at the very core of who he is, he really, really just wants to help people, and if he fucks that up he WILL take it personally and hold himself responsible even if there’s no way he could have known and like. Can you imagine what his first patient death was like for him. Can you imagine what a fucking nightmare his brain must be 24/7.

He is somehow as inherently self assured as he is in need of constant validation for his ego because you can SEE him break a little when that ego fails him, even a little, and it’s just.

He’s very fun to write. I hate him. (I love him so much, but oh my god.)

#stella talks #star trek #star trek ds9 #julian Bashir #.he knows how attractive he is. literally cannot conceive that Jadzia might NOT want to fuck him.#.he knows how smart he is and is an absolute idiot about it.#.and like it’s so hard to work out is he super self assured because he knows he’s engineered and even though he hates it he still KNOWS.#.like he KNOWS he is objectively going to be smarter and more athletic and etc bc he was MADE to be that way.#.which then plays into how he has that fun dichotomy of self loathing tied up in his arrogance.#.manages to see himself as both gods gift to the world and a pathetic monster at the same time.#.anyway this is why in my fic I am giving him the fun combination of sex repulsed and hypersexual due to trauma.#.because Bashir is a man of completely polar opposites conflicting personality traits and I want to be faithful.#trek meta

537 notes · View notes

eerna · 3 months ago

Text

me explaining why Will/Elizabeth/Jack love triangle was a perfect little one-movie arc that wasn't present in the final movie because it was never about choosing and instead just about dynamics and character development so they all outgrew it by then

#like first off will and elizabeth are having similar character arcs but in totally opposite directions #he loses himself and gets all sad the further into the world of piracy he gets. she blooms and becomes her best self and excels at it.#and both of their arcs are supervised by jack who is there to make fun of them until it's no longer funny #will is absolutely repulsed by him but also understands him more and more once he realizes he would do anything to get to his goal #elizabeth is absolutely repulsed by him but also wants to BE him. he is what she wishes she could be were she totally free #and her possible attraction to him is treated as FUNNY because it IS VERY RIDICULOUS. like why tf would she want this weird gross guy when #she has actual perfect loverboy will at home. well bc will just doesn't get her. he is sad and lost while she is thriving #and the only one who gets it is the old smelly clown over there. why is the compass pointing at him (bc she wants to be him so bad)#that movie is about the characters not knowing what they want. they are all at a crossroads and have to choose which way to go. so it makes #sense that the main characters have a push and pull dynamic between them!!! c'mon!!!! it is so cool!!!#eernatalk #also i know pirate king elizabeth awakened something in all of us but can i add. the look she gives jack when he stops kissing her bc of th #sound of the shackles. the way she bares her teeth like she is steeling herself for the ''you deserve to die i am not sorry for this''speec #WHEEEWW.... WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

227 notes · View notes

madforhoran · 10 months ago

Text

unpopular opinion but i don’t find the kneel scene sexy at all, or anything he says as AA

#am i weird idk?#i’m repulsed #however the calm and seriousness blended with his high pitched giggle as spawn? going absolutely feral

108 notes · View notes

featherymainffins · 7 months ago

Text

Peace and love on planet Earth but if I see one more post NOT about recovery and, in fact, encouraging eating disorders in the ed recovery tag, I might just turn into a chimpanzee and tear everyone's faces off.

#ed recovery #are you people for real?#ONE. I'm asking for ONE tag.#how tone-deaf and cruel do you have to be to post your active ed behaviour absolutely without any trigger warnings #or forewords #you know what i foolishly expect in the es recovery tag? ed recovery. yes i know very presumptuous of me.#i expect people who are trying to recover or are in recovery sharing their experiences and maybe some body positivity #talking about how hard recovery can be; for example. etc etc.#you know what happens in the tag? of course you do. ana meal diaries. posts about nothing but how much you body check #talking about how much you hate yourself because you're trying to lose 10kg and yesterday you had a salad and now you're asking #for tips how to get better at restricting and continuing your ed.#everyone who does that is a ghoul. and I'm done being nice and ignoring that shit.#like. some fucking room check maybe? I'm sitting in my flat shaking from cold which is caused only partly by the room temperature #and I'm doing my best to avoid everyone i know because i can't stand the thought of them seeing my form and when someone #i know accidentally meets me on the street or somewhere i feel like shit because I'm disgusting and if it were up to me #i wouldn't even leave this flat at all. so you know. naturally. i try to get myself at least some form #of support. i try to look for positivity for people like me; who are trying to recover. i want an outside source to affirm that I am not #repulsive. that I'm not insane when i think that all bodies are cool and fascinating and that there's no way or shape anyone is #expecting me to be in order to earn their love or at least their lust. and what do i get instead? you ghouls #wonderful. lovely. think about all the people like me next time you decide to post that shit in the recovery tag. thanks.

23 notes · View notes

sonknuxadow · 8 months ago

Text

i just dont get the insistence that silver has to be the child or descendant of some other already existing character in general really ... like surely shadow amy and sonic arent the only hedgehogs that exist in the present? silver could just be some random guy you know. also i honestly think his whole deal is more interesting if hes not anyone special or related to anyone special. and hes just some random kid who was born into a shitty situation and one day decided hes had enough and hes gonna do something about it

#i dont WANT silver to be the son of shadow or the descendant of sonic or whatever i want him to just be some random guy #also i think its so wild when people not only say that shadow is his biological dad #but also that the other parent is another member of the already existing game cast. as if theyre gonna be living that long..#and peoples choice for the other parent is always some character that would never marry or have kids with shadow in a million years #maybe even never get married or have kids in general #like ive seen people have sonic be the other parent which just feels weird and out of character #but ive also seen people have rouge be the other parent. whihc is jsut straight up repulsive to me. absolutely not #sorry for being a hater (not sorry for bieng a hater about sh/adouge actually if sh/adouge has zero haters i am no longer alive)#but i do think aus where shadow in the future is a mentor or guardian figure to silver can be interesting #im just not into the idea of shadow being silvers dad. especially not his biological dad because it makes no sense

30 notes · View notes

prince-liest · 11 months ago

Text

I came out to my mom as aroace over the holidays, except instead of using the terms aro and ace, I just dropped into casual conversation that I think I will never want a partner, and in an absolutely hysterical turn of events her reply was, "Good! Life is better without partners!" as if this was in fact the default perspective.

#personal #text posts #sexuality #aroace #i mean i am 27 and have never dated anyone so at this point i suspect she knew before i did #but its absolutely hilarious to me that she was probably like “well obviously after all who WANTS a partner?”#anyway i agree #i love people immensely but also it is deeply repulsive if anyone is even remotely nonplatonic at me in a way that is my problem #normalize thinking im hot and cool without acting on it thank u

27 notes · View notes

moe-broey · 3 months ago

Text

Some. Sort of spectrum. From most likely to least likely.

And by kitten-pile I mean This

I'll put a transcript under cut for easier reading! 🫡

How Likely Are They to Kitten Pile?

__

Mirabilis: "are you tired..? do you need a break...? ohh we could take one together..."

If she likes/trusts you even a little, she wants to cuddle about it!!!

-

Sharena and Peony: "Okay! 💖 Yay! 💖"

Shari: The only thing stopping her is social conventions -- making her MORE likely to jump at the opportunity!

Peony: Learning social awareness as she goes, and is surprisingly good at it?

-

Triandra: "Aren't we a bit old for that...? But... even so..."

Embarrassed, conflicted, but feels strangely nostalgic at the notion...

-

Plumeria: "I'm not so petal-soft that I'd resort to such INDECENCY, I mean even if your intentions are Pure USE YOUR HEADS YOU FOOLS!! Girl, the IMPLICATIONS!!!"

Desperately wants to join the kitten-pile, but her Issues and Pride gets in the way.

-

Moe: "aw, so cutes!"

Generally touch adverse, extremely picky even with the people it likes/loves -- everything is entirely on its terms.

#fire emblem #feh #STILL. DRAFTING. IT FEELS LIKE. concetualizing. ect.#but this vision was So Strong. and is honestly Such a way to parse each out.#like... mira craves warmth and comfort... i think she esp likes cuddling w peony bc it feels like a mother's touch #esp the discrepancy in body types i'm going w here. i really wanna draw them together actually...#meanwhile LONG. LONG STANDING HC. about sharena being v physically affectionate even touch starved #and having to learn boundaries the hard way. i also think a huge difference between her and peony actually #is that peony always had someone to cuddle with (mira!!). so peony never had to 'outgrow' it the way shari had to #which may have led to peony being a little more adjusted actually??? i also am v much playing w the idea #that peony is like min maxed. she's surprisingly socially aware/emotionally intelligent #BUT. she still has huge blind spots due to her seclusion and mostly only interacting w kid mortals (in the dream realm)#and i esp think she fails to see the complexity in situations. ect ect #triandra. boy do i have lore about triandra. but you can take a guess. i'll leave that up to you.#AND PLUMERIA. OH MY GOD PLUMERIA. i can just TELL she's going to be an EXTREMELY FUN chara to write #she basically writes herself. looking deeper beyond the obvious sex repulsion/intimacy issues #she's a stubborn jaded 'too cool for this' older sister. who is WAY more protective than she will Ever Admit.#LIKE... I AM THINKING ESP HOW SHE TREATED MIRA IN THAT TT SIDE STORY.#the way she was looking out for her. tri is absolutely plum's most trusted confidant and therefore #the person she's most vulnerable with. but even then. she's still protective of mira and i bet even peony if she had trouble #(granting. they're on the same side). AUGH AND ALSO THE WAY PLUM IS STUCK IN HER WAYS TOO....#I DON'T HAVE COHERENT THOUGHTS. but the way plumeria Is just resonates so deeply w me...#mirabilis #sharena #fe peony #fe triandra #fe plumeria #moe tag #summoner oc #my art

12 notes · View notes

sikeyaout · 8 months ago

Note

Thank you for compiling the contents of that document. I'm 100% serious. Don't let anybody tell you that you made a mistake. I had undeniable ties to the person who was the focal point of it. Hurts like a bitch. But you brought it to light, and that's the important part. No matter what anybody says, know that you did the right thing in exposing this.

Stay safe out there.

oh my god yeah no problem, this was a gutpunch to the friend group close to me =.[ i hope the guys you're close with have been able to help each other cope through this. I give my thanks out to a specific friend of mine for helping me make the doc, as the nausea alone from thinking about the material would've kept me from making it public. I hope you stay safe too and good luck

#asks #i think the thing that frustrates me the most is Gy framing other's rightful repulsion as ''needless disgust''#it's not calling a weird but harmless interest cringe it's calling out fetishizing Abuse #it's absolutely a bad coping mechanism and as pissed as i am i hope they can get out of that hole one day

9 notes · View notes

angelstrawbabie420 · 3 months ago

Text

crazy how i have no one

#like yes i have my internet friends and i adore them ofc #but i have no fucking one irl #and i mean no one. my mom’s side of the family is all dead and the other side is uber christian and doesnt give a fuck about us #i only have my brother #and i need help and support so horribly bad but i wasnt there for him when he needed me #so why the hell should he be there for me. he shouldnt #im going to have to rely on myself this time and i cant do that #i dont trust or believe in myself whatsoever #i think im fucking horrible and useless and repulsive #and idk how to be nice to myself bc ive never felt that and i dont know how to self soothe #i dont have the energy physically or mentally or emotionally to learn #and idk what to lean on anymore if i want to quit abusing substances #realized recently how much i do that.#and for how long. a decade. ive been acting like a 13 yo this whole time #idk how to move past and grow up. god i absolutely need to see my therapist again. if she’ll have me #i fear ill be rejected tho ive left and came back several times and last time she said ‘ofc ill take you back youre my person’#whatever that means. ive been an anomaly to every therapist/psych ive been to apparently they all mention how weird i am and how they cant #figure me out. like damn me too doc!#i want to email her so bad but i wont be able to see her until my insurance goes thru and i dont want to get free labor out of her if i dump #all the trauma ive sustained since i last saw her on her yw #but i want to get better i dont want to live like this anymore i cant do it #any of it #my coping mechanisms are all self destructive and i want to grow past that #but i need help and i dont have it. not really #whatever i guess. first step call and see wtfs going on w my insurance #i feel like i need help even for that . i feel so utterly incapable of everything snd i always have #i can do it. i can do it

5 notes · View notes

arosnowflake · 6 months ago

Text

At the end of the day Lovecraftian horror is the horror of the incomprehensible, the strange, which is grotesque to Lovecraft. Lovecraftian horror heavily relies on the uncanny valley, on things that (at first glance) would seem normal, but feel wrong for reasons near-impossible to articulate. Only when you look behind this facade are the many-tentacled creatures of nightmare revealed, but at first the horror is firmly based in 'this thing feels disgusting, but I can't quite pinpoint why'. To be strange is to be offputting and disgusting on an innate, instinctual level, and to be disgusting is to be bad.

This is the crux of it. Lovecraft believed that there are things that are innately disgusting to all (or at least a vast majority of) people, and moreover, that this makes those things bad. And 'those things' is anything he personally was disgusted by. Disabled people, poor people, country folk, the uneducated, and of course, anyone with skin darker than a paper bag and/or speaking a language that is not English or at least European. Fundamentally, he believed that there is a right way to be a person (white, smart, male, preferably well-educated and rich, creatives and/or academics; not coincidentally, this describes nearly all of his protagonists). Lovecraftian horror is based on everything that falls outside of Lovecraft's very narrow view on the 'normal' and 'acceptable'.

Which is of course why it's our duty to sexualize, romanticise, and celebrate the Lovecraftian horrors. Write Cthulhu porn right now and I'm not joking.

#Last summer I spent a few months mainlining lovecraft's entire bibliography and im thinking about it again #I cannot stand that man's writing truly #Absolutely emberassing on every level #I made a post last year I think about how I think we should make a lovecraftian horror dating game #To make lovecraft roll in his grave #It was supposed to be a snide joke but the more i think about it the more correct i was #I am largely romance and sex repulsed but I'll put that aside to play the livecraftian horror dating game #My posts #Writing wise

4 notes · View notes

omni-scient-pan-da · 6 months ago

Text

HELP apparently Michelle's mom thinks we're going to date at some point??

Michelle and Bella broke up before I could go through with surprising Michelle with Bella at our dorm for a dance a few months ago, and Michelle found out that I was the one trying to orchestrate the surprise

And apparently Michelle was recounting this to her mom and said something along the lines of "And Bella didn't even plan the surprise, Sammi did, so I was practically dating Sammi at that point!"

And Michelle's mom goes "Honestly, I think you and Sammi are endgame" IM CRYING AIXNSKXKWKXMSKXKSJDJSJX

Michelle's mom is always so nice to me whenever I go over there and I'm screaming with the knowledge that apparently she thinks me and her daughter will end up together long term one day that's craaaaaaaazy 😭

#panda posts #michelle #bella #at this point it would be narratively hilarious if i were to end up with michelle #and we did jokingly make a pact that if we're both single at 40 we should get married #but i genuinely don't think it would ever happen if nothing else for the fact that i am very much sex repulsed (in terms of me experiencing #sex idc about hearing people talk about it up until a certain point type deal) and michelle is very much allosexual but i think it's #absolutely hilarious her mom thinks we're going to date at some point

3 notes · View notes

lovebloods · 8 months ago

Text

.

#hiding this in the tags bc it’s kind of embarrassing and i need to get it off my chest #and i could journal about it but i just want someone to see me #sorry for being cringe <333 #but i don’t know what the hell i am like i don’t know if i’m even nonbinary anymore and that scares me like being nonbinary felt like coming #home after a long trip #and now i’m having all these thoughts about wanting to be a man? like near tears rn bc i want to be a guy but then when i think of actually #being a guy i freak out a bit #bc i like being seen as feminine too and i know that there are feminine men and they get treated so terribly #and i feel like all the men i see that i want to be like or look like are white! why don’t i see any black trans men like i feel so alone #and i’m scared to look/be openly trans bc there’s so much violence against people like us that it feels safer to just cosplay as a cis woman #even though i’m not #like i don’t want to be a boy but i want to be one and i absolutely don’t want to be a girl but i’d like to be seen as someone sometimes #it’s all very confusing #AND like i know i’m biromantic like im attracted to all genders and people #but im like? am i on the ace spectrum #bc i have a low sex drive am often sex repulsed and will sometimes ‘test’#myself to see if im sexually attracted to people and most of the time it’s like #it’s like meh not really but sometimes im like sure but that’s rarer and rarer these days?? and like. tmi here but i jerk off and enjoy it #so i can’t be asexual right?? i tried looking it up but the articles just confused me #but then i also am like with the right person if i had a connection to them i wouldn’t mind having sex with them! but like. then i think #about actually having to be in a relationship and i’m like gross no but i think that’s just relationship trauma and fear of being #vulnerable #and like i know i don’t HAVE to have a label on my gender or sexuality but for me personally it helps to know What i am #and and i love butches so so so much and if i’m a man how can i love butches? like #it’s all so confusing #i feel like i’m 14 and going through puberty again

4 notes · View notes

angorwhosebabyisthis · 9 months ago

Text

realized ricky is not only canonically polyam, but rep for polyam survivors who are abused for being poly, and i am having a lot of feelings about that which i plan to write up a post about but also wow in hindsight it put some shit from an abusive ex-friend into perspective.

#whosebaby talks #SDMItag #abuse cw #polyphobia cw #there is just. still a lot that i am unpacking about how deeply abusive her muses were in ~healthy relationships~ with mine #which was really fucked up to put me through by itself but was also *deeply* telling about our friendship in general #a major aspect being how she constantly went back and forth between being very clear that she was repulsed and disgusted by my queerness #and pretending she never said that; while playing olympic-level gymnastics for any possible bullshit alternate explanation she could find #and i'm just like. in hindsight it has become deeply cathartic to write/engage with stories where the polyphobic abuser #is openly and intentionally and maliciously abusive; and framed as such #after the relentless gaslighting and queerphobia of ~healthy OTP relationship~ where a poly muse i had put a lot of myself into #brought up the subject of whether his partner would be alright with him pursuing a relationship over feelings he was Just Starting to Have #and wanted to get ahead of things and ask the moment it became relevant; specifically because he knew the partner had jealousy issues #and the poly person Absolutely Fucking Daring to Have Even the Beginnings of a Crush at All Without His Permission #sent the partner into a massive wailing nauseous spiraling self-harming world-ending inconsolable breakdown #and going practically catatonic with jealousy and ~pain and betrayal~#and the ~healthy resolution~ was the poly muse apologizing profusely for it; comforting him; and promising it would never ever happen again #'he has BPD and jealousy issues and it hurts him sooooo so bad 🥺' i hope otto cheats on him with ten people and then dumps his ass #BPD doesn't make you abusive or polyphobic even if you're mono #and it's so fucking gross that her non-BPD-having ass used pwBPD as an excuse for passionately hating poly people #but yeah there was just. so so much more horrible shit along those lines just In General with those characters alone #and it was constantly dressed up in a veneer of ~healthy relationships uwu~ and in hindsight that's another reason #i have such an extremely strong reaction to 'no see this dynamic is good and home-grown organic wholesome and healthy uwu'#'[most abusive/bigoted/etc shit you have ever seen in your life]'#and why it is honestly such a fucking relief to be able to engage with a dynamic where the abuse is mask-off and openly Intended to Harm #just call me a slur and get it over with etc #anyway it's just. a Lot.#that person was a fucking nightmare and writing with them was a fucking nightmare #last i heard they were part of that fandom's resident anti crowd and mocking/harassing disabled people for dietary limitations lol #and i'm glad they're out of my life and that apparently i've got enough distance from them to be comfortable processing it through fiction

2 notes · View notes

daily-keisou · 1 year ago

Text

No daily today

My tablet does not want to work.

#not a daily #I was going to draw them kissing today #it’s technically a good thing the tablet decided against working #I am absolutely out of my mind repulsed by kissing right now #so many germs.#so #many #germs #it’s really gross if you think about it for too long #I am going to fucking explode #in a cool way though #not in like a loser way #I’m sorry

4 notes · View notes

damnprecious · 1 year ago

Text

do you ever open the local newspaper and get greeted by the face of your nemesis

#noopa rambles #sfdffdh ngl I don't think I would've actually recognized him had his name not also been included #fucking mustard nemesis #if there's ever a condiment corporate devil in crescent!verse yall know it'll be inspired by this dude #am I still holding a grudge over a stupid bet he made when we were on like the 1st grade or smt?#I absolutely am.#and I will hold that grudge until the end of time itself.#dude made a bet he'd kiss me by the end of 6th grade #I was. Not. happy about that bet #and ofc the rest of the boys in my class teased me mercilessly about it #I didn't have anything to do with the damn bet!!!#like. I was Not a willing participant in this whole bullshit deal yet they bullied me about it lmfao #guess the idea of the Popular Kid kissing the Unpopular Kid was Funny to them #joke's on them I'm very much romance repulsed and I do not plan on kissing Anyone Ever #fuck elementary school am I rite

1 note · View note