#and I also just don't want a character who is always miserable existing in my head all the time

[eviltothecore13]

Is it just me or has fandom overall...changed a lot in how it talks about its favourite characters over the past few years?

It used to be people who really liked a character would be like “this character’s the best at everything, they can do no wrong, they’d win every fight, they have a plan for everything, they’re the coolest cleverest most attractive person in the whole story!!!”, and like...that could go too far, it could be annoying or just really really inaccurate compared to canon (I used to know a Jill fan who insisted that Jill could easily beat every single character in the series in a fight--and look, Jill is very cool, but Chris was canonically the best in hand-to-hand combat at STARS and was also training HER in marksmanship, Jill is of course extremely capable but...she really does not have to be the best at everything to prove why she’s your favourite...for that matter, Wesker fans who were like “Wesker in RE5 has to be a clone/a fake/whatever because the REAL Wesker would never LOSE because Wesker can’t make mistakes!”...always made me go *stop, please, it’s embarrassing*), but it did...make sense why someone who really loved a character would say these things about them?

But now it seems like the kind of comments people make about their favourite characters, and the way they portray them in fics, are...pretty much the opposite of that? People will be like “my blorbo is SO STUPID! they’re so useless they can’t do ANYTHING! they’re a pathetic weak little wet paper bag!”

Like, a few years ago if I’d seen a post saying things like that about a character I’d assume it was written by someone who hated them?

And obviously...sometimes a character you love is kind of a dork, or makes some silly mistakes sometimes. Other times a character you love is a terrible evil person. I’m not saying everyone should equate liking a character with thinking they’re perfect. But...most popular characters AREN’T actually completely stupid and incompetent at absolutely everything, and I can never quite get my head around it when people seem to hold this view of a character and it’s clearly not true, like...if you really think they’re pathetic, stupid, and can’t do anything right...do you really like them that much?

I’ve seen fandom call characters stupid/idiots when they are either science geniuses, or they’re brilliant inventors who build sci-fi gadgets, or they’re scheming chessmaster strategist types who manipulate all the other characters for years and come very close to taking over the world, or maybe they just canonically speak several languages and are well-read, or even if canon doesn’t focus much on their intelligence you’ve got characters like Chris who was a USAF fighter pilot--which means he has a degree, judging by the timeline probably an Air Force Academy one, which means he was likely in the top 3% of his high school classes and DEFINITELY didn’t “barely scrape through” as I often see headcanoned (not just by people who want to bash him but people who are like “I love him! He’s such a big dumb himbo! He’s so stupid!!” like. what.)

Similarly I see characters who are canonically very confident and self-assured, never really doubting themselves for a second, and who canonically react to things going wrong by calmly adapting their plans and moving forwards without ever getting discouraged, get tagged on posts about “pathetic wet paper bag men who’ve never had a good day in their life and an insult from a child would make them cry”.

Or characters who are shown in canon as dangerous, powerful and near-fearless fighters get written in fics, by people who say they’re their favourites, as spending all their time crying and flinching and not even trying to defend themself from whoever’s attacking/trying to hurt them (and not because they went through some major trauma previously in the fic that left them in this state, either--often the fic is set during canon and the character is just...like that rather than something having happened to change them from who they were at that point in their life in canon)... personally, while I enjoy whump, whumping a character who’s ALREADY weak and helpless and spends all their time curled up in a corner crying BEFORE whatever you do to them in the fic can easily just feel like kicking them while they’re down and is honestly boring because it doesn’t show anything NEW about the character, so it’s particularly odd to see fics written that way when the character in canon is exactly the confident powerful type that I do think is fun to whump.

(For a specific example, RE canon is that Wesker and Sergei had a rivalry and Wesker seems to view Sergei mostly with disdain and see him as an annoying obstacle. Wesker never gives any sign of being scared of or intimidated by Sergei, and certainly doesn’t seem to start panicking the instant Sergei enters a room. And even before he had his powers, he had extensive combat training by the time he met Sergei, and Sergei being taller and heavier doesn’t inherently mean that Wesker would be defenceless and go down in one punch in a fight, or even that Wesker would LOSE a fight against him. Canon doesn’t depict Wesker as a helpless victim for Sergei to beat up...hurt him by all means but it’s OOC if Wesker doesn’t give as good as he gets.)

Oh, and characters who are canonically master manipulators who are experts at getting people on their side and gaining their trust being portrayed as so socially awkward and clueless that they’re incapable of holding a conversation without coming across offputtingly weird...

Maybe I’m the odd one out here but I can’t really get why you’d want to present your favourite character as LESS capable, LESS intelligent, LESS brave or confident or powerful or whatever other impressive traits they might have in canon? Like I wouldn’t go so far as to say I ADMIRE all my favourite characters, because some of them are murderous evil monsters, but...I generally do see them as either having some kind of admirable personality trait (courage, integrity, confidence, determination... or maybe just a lot of charisma and a good sense of humour, though I feel like charisma tends to overlap with confidence a fair bit...), or at least as being very good at what they do. I can kind of get the appeal of the “sweet and kind and caring but not that bright ‘golden retriever man’ type”, even though they’re not usually MY type, because I know some people primarily like characters who they think it would be good to be friends with (and most of those types of characters aren’t USELESS, at the very least they tend to be good at listening and being supportive), but when someone’s favourite character is a bad person AND they seem to think they’re stupid, useless, incompetent and pathetic on top of being evil it’s like...so what do you even like about them?

[yellowocaballero]

Miguel is Fine, Actually (Being Spider-Man's Just Toxic As Hell)

Before I watched ATSV I said that I would defend my man Miguel O'Hara's actions no matter what, because he's always valid and I support women's wrongs. I was joking, and I did not actually expect to start defending him on Tumblr.edu. But I'm seeing a lot of commentary that's super reductive, so I do want to bring up another perspective on his character.

Miguel wasn't acting against the spirit of Spider-Man, or what being Spider-Man means. Miguel isn't meant to represent the antithesis of Spider-Man. Miles is the antithesis of Spider-Man. Miguel represents Spider-Man taken to its extreme.

Think about Miguel's actions from his perspective. If you were a hero who genuinely, legitimately, 100%, no doubt about it, believed that somebody is going to make a selfish decision that will destroy an entire universe and put the entire multiverse at severe risk - if you had an over-burdened sense of responsibility and believed in doing the right thing no matter what - you would also chase down the kid and put him in baby jail to try and prevent it. He believed that he was saving the multiverse, and that Miles was putting it in danger for selfish reasons. Which is completely unforgivable to him, because selfishness is what he hates the most. And then he goes completely out of pocket and starts beefing with a 15yo lmfaooo he's such a dick.

But why did Miguel believe that? Why did he believe that Miles choosing himself and his own happiness over the well-being of others was the worst possible thing? Why did he believe that tragedy was inevitable in their lives, and that without tragedy Spider-Man can't exist?

Because he's Spider-Man.

Peter Parker was once a fifteen year old who chose his own happiness over protecting others. It was the greatest regret of his life and he never forgave himself. Peter's ethos means that he will put himself last every time, and that he will sacrifice anything and everything in his life - his relationships, his health, his future - to protecting and helping others. Peter dropped out of college because it interfered with Spider-Man. He destroyed his own future for Spider-Man. He ruins friendships and romantic relationships because Spider-Man was more important. If Peter ever tries to protect himself and his own happiness, then he's a bad person.

That is intrinsic to Peter. Peter would not be Peter without it. A story that is not defined by Peter's unhappiness is not a Spider-Man story. If Peter doesn't make himself miserable, then he's just not Peter.

That is a Spider-Man story: that not only is tragedy inevitable, that if you don't allow yourself to be defined by your tragedy then you're a bad person. If you don't suffer, then you're a bad person. If you ever put anything above Spider-Man, then you're killing Uncle Ben all over again. Miguel isn't the only one that believes this - as we saw, every Spider-Man buys into what he's saying. There's no Spider-Man without these beliefs.

Miguel attempted to find his own happiness, and he was punished in the most extreme way. He got Uncle Ben'd x10000. He tried to be happy, and it literally destroyed his entire universe. It's the Spider-narrative taken to the extreme. Of course Miguel believes all of this. Of course he believes this so firmly. He's Spider-Man. That's his story. And the one time Miguel tried to fight against that story, he was punished. And like any Spider-Man, he'll slavishly obey that narrative no matter the evil it creates and perpetuates. Because if he doesn't, the narrative will punish him. The narrative will always punish him. It's a Spider-Man story.

I don't think the universal constant between Spider-Mans, the thing that makes them Spider-Man, is tragedy. I think it's the fact that they never forgive themselves. And Miguel is what that viewpoint creates. He doesn't believe this things because he's an awful, mean person. He believes them because he's a hero. He's a good person who hates himself.

Across the Spider-verse isn't really a Spider-Man story. It's a story about Spider-Man stories. Miguel's right: if this was a Spider-Man story, then Miles acting selfishly really would destroy the universe. But Miles' story isn't interested in punishing him. It pushes back against Peter's narrative that unhappiness is inevitable and that you have to suffer to be a good person. It says that sometimes we do the right thing from love and not fear, and that Peter's way of thinking is ultimately super toxic and unhappy. ITSV was about Miles deciding that he didn't need to be Peter Parker, that all he needed to be was Miles, and ATSV is about how being Peter Parker isn't such a good thing. Miguel shows that. Whatever toxic and unhealthy beliefs he holds - they're the exact same beliefs that any Spider-Man holds. He's a dick, but I don't think he's any more awful a person than Peter is.

TL;DR: Miguel isn't a bad person, he just has Spider-Man brainrot.

[soodoonimin]

Logan Howlett and animal instincts (or in other words my long winded analysis of a comic book character)

So before I start, just know that I have read a lot of comics but I don't know everything. I can take notes all day long but I have a bad memory and comics are confusing so please be nice and enjoy, this took a lot of effort to put together, it’s mostly my thoughts on the character as I read the the comic books. The movie character is a lot different and I will also probably do something like this for movie Logan as well (though it will be significantly shorter).

Also there are some pictures that have blood and body horror so beware.

What does it mean to be human? Well that's a question we as humans have been trying to answer since we could think to ask it and ever since then we've never been able to give a fully conclusive answer. Why? you may ask, well because think about it like this, the traits we most often associate with humanity (higher thinking, creativity, empathy, and love) may not and some times do not always exists solely within us when applied to fiction, we write whole stories about how robots can be human too, how aliens can be human etc etc as long as they have these traits (more or less) AND LOOK I'm not going to get into a whole philosophical discussion about the nature of humanity on Tumblr.com but I do want to take a second to talk about how those traits are applied to Logan and how he has to fight to prove his humanity.

So mutants are an oppressed people but being a mutant isn't always the same for everyone. You can be a mutant like Rouge who can kill people with a single touch or mutant like Storm who can bend the weather to your will (the most obvious example). You can be a mutant like Jean with no obvious physical signs of your mutation or you can be a mutant like Kurt, where 9/10 people think you’re a demon of some kind.

But what happens when you're a mutant like Logan Howlett? I mean you look human enough, sure you're a little more hairy than most people, you have fangs, you smell, and oh yeah the claws but those are retractable so overall....you're just a normal person right? Nothing you can’t hide, right? Yeah, for the most part, yeah. But there are a couple of other things about you that someone might not know from looking at you, you have an extraordinary healing factor, you have almost animal like senses and when you are pushed to your absolute brink you go into a monstrous like a rage and kill everything in sight.

For every gift Logan was born with theres a very real curse attached to each one.

Healing Factor: Logan still feels pain, the healing factor isn’t just limited to his body but it also messes with his memories, and more importantly he’s lived a very long life. In The End comic and Old Man Logan comic etc, when he’s out lived most of the world, he’s miserable.

Keen senses: Seems great, until they’re exploited, imagine what being able to smell and see and hear that well all the time without relief must be like. Imagine not being able to tell when someone is going to die? Or when they’re lying or when they haven’t showered etc. sure you might get used to it like you might get used to pain but that doesn’t make it pleasant.

Claws: Need to really touch on this one? Aside from the obvious please remember that Logan’s claws aren’t in his knuckles but in his fucking forearms so when using them he needs to make an effort to direct them or….

Berserker rage: great to get you out of a pinch but you can’t control it. (We’ll talk more about this later)

Most people don’t see these very real downsides of Logan’s mutation, they just see a small, angry guy, who’s good at fighting and can take a hit better than almost anyone.

Here’s what worse, a lot of people (X-men included) don't see, they don't all the ways Logan hates himself (and those who do don’t see the depths of that hate he has for himself). They don't see the scared little boy whose father was killed in front of him. They don't see that little boy who killed his father's murderer and was abandoned by all but one person for one person (Rose). They don't see the young man who accidentally killed his first love while trying to protect her from his brother. They don't see the man who lived a relatively miserable life being plucked up by a group of people who only saw him as something to be experimented on. They don’t see the man who believes that if he loves someone he's destine to hurt them in one way or another because he has multiple times over (even if it wasn’t always his fault). They don’t see that for all the times that they call Logan an animal, he already believes them and he’s called himself worse many times over.

(Deep down he truly believes he deserves be to alone, especially in death. That would be his “deserved” hell. Eternal loneliness.)

Which is funny because I think Logan goes back and forth in deciding on whether or not he has any humanity in him in the first place. See in the Black, White and Blood comic, the FIRST story told in this series, is an account of Logan’s time at Weapon X and we get this…interaction:

Pourquoi tu me fais ça?///Why are you doing this to me? This "monster" asks him this on the cusp of death....

(Moments during the Weapon X program, be they real memories or not, when Logan’s humanity shone through)

And THIS almost immediately snaps him out of mind control he's under going. I don't know if he understood the words per say but I think even if he didn't, he still understood the plea on a human level. Because it wasn’t Weapon X who responded, it wasn’t the berserker, or Wolverine. It was Logan Howlett. It was a moment of humanity that broke the conditioning he’d been put through that answered that plea and stopped him. Because if you think about it, if these two memories actually are real, that means that Logan recognized this plea as the same one gave to the scientists. Now determining what did or didn't happen during the Weapon X program is difficult to parse out because they implanted false memories. BUT regardless of that there was always a part of him that held onto his humanity. But I think that just adds to the horror of it all. Imagine not being able to know what memories are yours and which ones are not? So let me ask, even if those memories are “false” does that make them any less real? Does that mean that Logan suffered any less under their stewardship? He was still kidnapped, he was still experimented on, still tortured. He still had the adimantium grafted onto his bones, he was still made into a living puppet and was still seen as nothing more than a weapon, an animal, a monster by the very people who were doing all of this to him and in some respects they are the reason he is seen as a monster by others.

At the end of that comic (where he was momentarily snapped out of his conditioning) he states that no his humanity wasn’t stolen from him but he still lives with that guilt of everything he can’t remember and the things he can remember are unreliable.

I know a lot of people haven’t read the comics so I’m not trying to do annoying about it BUT if you get the opportunity to PLEASE go read The Weapon X comic (by Berry Windsor-Smith) & Wolverine’s first limited series run (by Chris Claremont).

I specifically say that second one because I think the story that’s told is probably one of the more interesting told for Logan because of the relationship he has with Yukio and Mariko. I’m not going to get too deep into it because I really think you should read it for yourself but the basic outline of it is that where Mariko loves the man, Yukio loves the “monster”. And when he’s initially trying to court Mariko it’s his attempts to in a sense to court humanity but he fails and when he turns to Yukio. And for her part it’s not just as simple as her loving the “monster” but more than she goads it out of him, for thematic reasons and plot reasons. But needless to say, they both love Logan but they both love an incomplete version of him. (It’s a really good story and it’s literally what sold me on the idea of reading through any of the older comics.)

Anyway, (in the comics and movies especially) some people solely see him as a man with an uncontrollable side that they’d run from at the first sign of aggression and others only want that animalistic side and don’t love the man that Logan is. The thing is, he is both of those things. Think about it like this. As humans we like to think ourselves above the food chain, we like to think of ourselves as *more* than animals. And sure we’re definitely one of the most successful species of animals on Earth and we definitely don’t act on instincts in the same way most animals do, we’ve created society and rules and we do things a lot different than other animals but we are still animals.

So Logan isn’t both a man and an animal anymore than you or me. But he is a man that is more in touch with those animal instincts than the rest of us (bc of his mutation). Which I think is why when he does act on those instincts, people see him as less, because we (yes even comic book characters for this argument) only seem associate those traits with animals, with something lesser than ourselves.

The thing is, being “an animal” doesn’t need to be an insult or a condemnation of any kind. Humans are still animals but humans are still kind, and caring, humans have still created beautiful art and music and food and architecture and have got to the stars will probably go beyond the stars all while still being an “animal”.

So I think where most people get hung up on word “animal” is because it has such a negative connotation when applied to humans. And thus that negative connotation basically perpetuates itself so the only time we call other humans animals is when we mean to attack their humanity.

So back to Logan. Imo, there is no better example of this than the way people, Logan included, treat his (and subsequently him) berserker rage. Logan describes it as a monster that shares his soul, something else inside him, the real thing that makes him a monster, something that he doesn’t like, something he’s scared of, something he can’t always control but that he does everything in his power to keep away from the people he loves. Because Logan doesn’t like to kill, he doesn’t like hurting people. He might be good at it, he might be known for it but that doesn’t mean he likes it. Even when he thinks death is a deserved punishment, he isn't ever happy about having to kill. And he even says as much at one point in the comics.

And as a real quick aside, but this is almost exactly what sets him apart from Victor Creed. They're both men whose mutation gives them heightened animal like traits. The only difference is that Logan is ashamed of those parts of himself especially when they pertain to violence where Victor likes it, enjoys it; he goes out of his way for violence.

(If there is more to Victor Creed than meets the eye please tell me bc I gotta say I don’t actually know too much about him except that any time I see him in any Wolverine media I immediately laugh bc I know the two around to brawl. And I’m almost never wrong lmao)

And mind you there are times when Logan is also a hammer in the sense that he tends to punch his way through most of his problems. But he doesn't go out of his way for it in the same way Victor does despite having every reason to.

Logan has killed people but unlike Victor he isn't a killer. Even if that's what he's "the best at".

So when he goes into this specific rage that labels him a monster (an animal) it’s almost always in front of someone he loves and it’s almost always in a moment when he’s trying to prove his humanity (when it’s being used thematically and not for plot convenience). Like if you go read the comics 9 times out 10 when Logan is being called a monster or animal by some scientist or an enemy looking to humiliate him. But it’s almost always in the mitts of a life or death situation. A situation that anyone would fight light hell to get out of even with an amazing healing factor like Logan’s.

Because he still feels pain.

He still wants to survive.

He still feels.

And at the end of it all, he feels ashamed and horrified with himself and he'll always have to live with that guilt and shame. There's a point in one of the comics when he describes his heart as being slower to heal than the rest of his body and I think its interesting because although that story he's talking more from a "heart broken" sense. I also think that can apply just as equally to idea that it also harder for him to heal from not just heart break but also from shame and guilt. In certain situations, it takes longer for him to forgive himself emotionally because he suffers physically in the short term. He’ll never have a physical scar of his wrong doing and so he carries the emotional weight of it with him.

But also because he isn't just dealing with himself. In those moments when he comes out of that rage, the people he loves are in shock and are scared because they saw the “monster” and some people do reject it and in so they reject him and although rejection is something Logan thinks he deserves, it doesn’t make that pain hurt any less. it doesn't make it any easier to heal just because you agree with them, and in a way I think that's what slows down that healing process. Logan's inability to forgive himself.

Because that's the thing, Logan, would rather be scared of himself than forgive himself, be it because of his past trauma or because of the Weapon X program (which in the Weapon X comic it’s implied if not outright stated that the scientist at Weapon X are the reason he feels the fear he does about himself). Logan is scared of no one on Earth more than the man he sees in the mirror. And that’s because in his lowest moments when he looks in the mirror he doesn't see a man, instead he sees an animal, a monster. He doesn’t need the rest of the world to tell him what he already thinks of himself, it just doesn’t help that he has a choir of voices that are sometimes louder than his own telling him his worst fear is real. He is the monster that hides under his own bed but the problem is, while the monster is 'real' is a physical sense, it does not share a soul with him anymore than the boogeyman does. He wrestles with himself. Somedays he believes he's a man like anyone else and other days he can't drown out the voices telling him he's nothing more than a monster.

And as my last touch on the beserker rage, I want to posit my own theory about it. Personally believe to some extent that it isn’t part of his natural mutation and that instead it’s something that was “given” to him by the Weapon X program. The reason I say this is because I think it would make a lot of sense that like the adimantium claws and false memories it would make sense to give you “weapon” this uncontrollable rage (that mostly comes out in times of great duress). Not just because it would be one more thing Weapon X has taken from him (control over his own emotions/body) but also because wouldn’t that just make sense on the side of the people who ran the project? That your living puppet have a fail safe of sorts in case it ran into something bigger than itself? During the Weapon X comic, the scientist are constantly surprised by how resilient he is and even though some of this surprise happens in a false memory, they really do believe they can kill him at one points so if they thought they could kill him, why not something else? Why not give their investment insurance? And what better insurance for an animal than monstrous rage. 

But of course none of this is even to talk about the kind of person Logan really is. The thing that I think most people (in the comics) tend to ignore about Logan, in favor of focusing on his rough exterior (and some of his more questionable characteristics) is that he really does have a heart of gold. Now do not get me wrong, he can do some pretty fucked up shit (I will not talk about the Jean and Scott love triangle bc it gives me a migraine) but he does regularly do things that show how much empathy he has. That show that despite what he (or the rest of the world) might think, he isn’t a monster. The best examples of this are his relationships and more specifically the relationships where he’s a father/mentor. Like his relationship with Kitty Pryde and Jubilee, two kids that he basically adopts/takes under his wing and constantly goes out of his way for. Some of you might remember this post and the reason Logan does eventually fuck Wade’s shit up is because Wade literally punches the ever living shit out of Kitty in front of Logan. In another comic issue (after this), Logan beats the shit out of Wade again for punching Kitty, it’s funny but it also just goes to show that he does take protection of his family seriously. And mind you he doesn’t hunt Deadpool down, he find him by sheer plot coincidence when he’s getting a book signed for Kitty and the author just so happened to be Deadpool’s mark.

And mind you, Logan does have love for his own kids (Laura and Daken) despite the troubled nature of both this relationships but again those are a little more complicated. That’s partially for plot reasons but also because they play into just how much Logan hates himself that he struggles active show the same love for his adopted family to his “blood” family (again with Daken it’s a lot more complicated) but I also think that not only are his relationships with them fraught because of how much he hates himself but because both Laura and Daken were experimented on just and manipulated like he was (and in Daken’s case by a major player of Weapon X) so while he does love them past his own self hatred, they are also a reminder of his deepest traumas. It’s not their fault and it’s not necessarily Logan’s fault either, it’s just the cards their characters were dealt. (I haven’t read any comics with them yet so once I do I will most likely write my thoughts on his relationship with them each individually)

Regardless, Logan, depsite what he’d like you to think, is a deeply loving, empathetic and loyal person and this doesn’t just extend to people who considers family:

(Logan says this a man who not only a few issues ago was trying to kill him and his partner/friends. He saved Roughouse (the character he went berserk on a few pictures ago) because he was being experimented on in a way not too dissimilar to the way he had been by Weapon X. And if I remember correctly this is before he even knows how he got the adimantium in his bones)

He is James 'Logan' Howlett. He is a man whose life was stolen from him so many times over. He is a man who believes that the worse parts of him are all that matter and fails (or refuses) to see the good he has done in the lives of the people he cares about and believes that only death will truly bring him peace. He is someone who despite his flaws can’t help but to be kind. He is someone who fights like hell for what he believes is right. And even if he believes he’s a monster, even if the world believes he’s a monster, he will try to do the right thing because although he knows his soul is damned that doesn’t mean that exempts him from doing what good he can. He is someone who gives and good as he gets and then some. He’s the best at what he does but for him, that isn’t alway what he thinks it is.

And I think that’s the beauty of Logan as a character. Someone whose life is so wrought with tragedy and yet he is someone who can’t help but to be kind, someone who can’t help but love and care and find the humanity in the world despite the world seeming to be hellbent on taking his humanity away. Even though he (and many people in universe) might disagree with me, he is not only a one of the best humanity has to offer but he is also a shining example of the tenacity of the human spirit.

[candyskiez]

I know it probably wasn't meant to be a trans allegory but GOD does Steven's time with the diamonds resonate as a trans allegory to me. Like. Everyone disregarding his name. Being forced to wear uncomfortable clothing. People regarding his name as a funny joke. Being told he's just being childish. "I just want you to be yourself!" The ripping the fucking gem out SCREAMS of it. The purity talk. And just the. God. The scene where it showed Pink, then Rose, then Steven got me so hard as a trans person because it just. Reminds me SO much of just. Trans. So much trans. Because it just reminds me of looking at the past versions of me before I figured myself out. They're still a part of me, they still made up a lot of my life, but I am not them anymore. And that's what that scene resonates to me so much as. That gem is not Pink or Rose anymore. Reminds me of that one thing that goes "my parents were right, I DID kill their son." Pink is gone, Rose is gone, Steven is neither of them Steven is MORE Steven is alive and he is not that girl, he is not that girl, he doesn't want her name or her dresses or her life or her room, this is HIS body now, this is how HE sounds, he's not pretending to be someone else. This is who he is. He is not Pink or Rose. He is Steven. She's gone.

And god the scene where he hugs pink Steven just. It reminds me so much of accepting my gender or gender euphoria or just the realization of that's what I am, I am me, I am not broken, I am whole and i am not that girl. I don't need to be that girl because it doesn't make me happy. It's okay that I'm not that girl.

And just the. I am a child. What's your excuse? And the absolute "so what?" of that. Yeah, I'm a kid. This is still me. Why do you care so much about my body? Why does me being happy upset you so much? The girl you knew is gone, and maybe she never existed. It's your fault she's gone, and now I'm left, and it's my gem. It's my body. And this is who I've ALWAYS been.

The "I've always been me" line resonates so much. "I've always been this. I just needed to figure it out." Not how being trans works for everyone, ofc, everyone's relationship with their gender is different, this is just the vibes I get from this specific thing.

I do also like to dabble in reading Rose as a trans allegory too. Because I am self indulgent shh. And that ones less "I always was this" and more so "being the person I used to be made me miserable and I hated my own body, I hated my own life. So I grew into this new body that I love, and chose a new name, and a new identity that makes me happy." Which,, am I overanalyzing. I dunno man I like hitting my favorite characters with the transgender beam.

You can also read it with the lense of "I killed that old version of me and I am a woman now. This is who I am. That person is dead." Which. Once again. Am I overanalyzing. This feels too easy to read as trans. I am probably overanalyzing.

Anyways the way gender works for different people is really interesting, I like Steven Universe, I like making my favorites stories trans allegory-ified, and I cannot be stopped. Peace ✌️

[icedroppedinparasolcider]

to the mizuki5 doomposters, i have to ask: are we reading the same 25ji story? in what reality does this storyline lead you to conclude that mizuki5 will be some sort of breakup event for mizuena or niigo as a whole given every event since the conclusion of Say Goodbye to Masked Me has been a process of confronting their internal conflicts and finally finding ways to heal from their pain? it would be entirely counteractive to the point of 25ji if they were to write niigo, any of them, not accepting mizuki for who they are. yes, they are scared of this possibility, but they're also traumatised and paranoid, as evident by the rooftop scene of My Footprints, Your Destination. that very event makes it clear that mizuki was caught up in her own fears and acting irrationally as a result; we have several events since then where mizuki openly contemplates telling ena The Secret, and we see in multiple events mizuki concluding that they're no longer going to run away from this problem. the cliffhanger at the end of Reeling in the Lights shows exactly that: mizuki telling herself that she's not going to run away and that it's time to confront this fear. which, again, is the entire point of the arc this story has been on since third anni.

you people are far too obsessed with the idea of divorce arcs and breakup events. i know the wxs second arc teased that possibility for several events, but it was also the entire point of that story to have a "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" message. the other four units don't even approach those ideas?? ichisaki divorce in Parallel Harmonies was basically the exact same concept as shihonami divorce in Unwavering Feelings, Now Put Into Words: two characters struggling to get on the same page about something they're both very passionate about. the difference between the two events being that ichisaki have literally never argued before and had no idea how to navigate the problem without the interference of the virtual singers, while shihonami managed to figure it out on their own, and thus dwelled on the problem for less time. anhane divorce in Whip the Wimp Girl!! was the direct conclusion of a massive underlying conflict in an's story progression that was first made clear in Bout for Beside You, with an finally expressing the feelings and fears she'd kept hidden from kohane, and not once did kohane even begin to get upset. you can see it in kohane's untrained for the set; she's effectively fallen in love with this girl who completely shook her to her core all over again because of an finally letting loose her raw emotion in an unfiltered way. Whip the Wimp Girl!! wasn't a divorce arc, it was an event that only made more powerful the bond between the vivids, it amplified the aibou magic that's existed between them since the main story. and that event, alongside concluding an's story arc, provided the motivation and drive to kohane to achieve what she does in OVER RAD SQUAD.

will there be conflict in mizuki5? yes, because it's an entire event and they always have some form of central conflict for the characters to confront. mizuki's fears are the conflict, and her finding a way to face them will be the entire point of the event. from the pieces before me, i personally think this will happen through mizuki being forced into a position where they have no choice but to face this, but it's not like they're completely unprepared; Searching for a Reflection Beneath the Waters had mizuki tell themselves they need to face their problems so they'll know how to help mafuyu do just that, Next to the Unchanging Warmth was a reminder of how far they've come and that hiding who they are for the sake of being accepted will only make them more miserable, and then the end of Reeling in the Lights was the decision to confront it. it might not happen in the way they want, but it's not like mizuki doesn't want this to happen at all. they've had an entire story arc since My Footprints, Your Destination; hell, they wanted to tell ena during that event! they just didn't because they were scared, and finding the strength to stop running away has been the point of mizuki's story since Our Escape For Survival. pairing that with her being rejected would be completely counter to everything project sekai's story represents.

[xserpx]

morse for the ask game?

How I feel about this character?

(Caveating this with the fact I haven't yet watched Inspector Morse, so this is only about Endeavour.)

Normally I'm not at all a fan of whump and I don't like feeling sad for well-meaning characters who are hurt repeatedly through (mostly) no fault of their own, but I really love Morse's brand of melancholia. The way he struggles to deal with change is too damn real, I'm a sucker for characters who struggle to voice their feelings and whose anxiety causes them to say nothing, because bitch me too. I also like that he's shy but it's kind of a selective shyness? Like if you catch him at the right moment or say a certain thing, he can be very snappish and outspoken and even funny, but then in those (incredibly important!) moments where he feels truly vulnerable, he just clams up, and it's heartbreaking and delicious to watch.

It's also undeniable that he is a massive prick sometimes. His treatment of women, his pretentiousness, there are moments when I want to slap him upside the head and I'm like you deserve this shit buddy! Monica my beloved, she deserved so much better from him. As much as he craves deeper connections with people and as much as I really want him to find a place to belong and settle down, it's so clear why he can't, why he shouldn't, and it's so deep rooted that in a way if he actually made a more concerted to change and do better he'd pretty much be a different person. And I like that the show never compromises on providing answers or catharsis for his struggles. Change happens, that's life, and there's often no way to deal with it that doesn't hurt.

I also love his dark academia style and the way it's grounded in finding meaning/belonging. It's not that it doesn't give him a sense of superiority at times, but like... that was his rebellion in the face of anti-intellectualism and abuse at home, and in a way I feel like he's earned the right to that pretentiousness. I think it dilutes some of the intimidating effect that opera and classics and poetry can have - some people listen to the Beatles, he listens to Wagner, one thing isn't "better" than another - but without binning it off entirely so that we still get to enjoy the commentary on classism. Plus watching him school the Oxford dons is always fun :P.

All the people I ship romantically with this character?

Romantically, hmm... The trouble is I end up feeling sorry for either Morse himself or whatever woman he's got his eye on at the time!

I love Joan and Morse, and I'd love for them to work things out, but the more time passes the less and less suited they seem to be. It's one of those relationships that's more about yearning than it is about getting together. They struggle to communicate and they're constantly miserable. He puts her on a pedestal because of her family, and Joan likes him because he's an enigma, and they can't move past that. But at the same time, fanfic exists for a reason, and I still love the yearning despite it all.

I'm not sure if I ship it romantically per se, but Max is another one where I feel like they could be more than friends, they're very Sherlock and Watson (and this fic by gaytobymeres is so good I love it). That scene with Morse and Max having tea in Max's garden is one of my favourites in the series, and I want that life for Morse so badly! Literalllyyy at the end of Exeunt I was like dude just move in with Max!! He'll never leave Oxford! He'll come along to your choral recitals! You have way more interests in common than any of your girlfriends have thus far! And he's lonely too, bless him ;w;.

My non-romantic OTP for this character?

I don't think there's a single character I don't ship Morse with platonically?? All I want in the world is a pub quiz fic featuring all of Cowley CID (and Trewlove) but I'm not clever or patient enough to write it. I wish we had more teamwork episodes tbh, and I think that's the best thing about seasons 5 & 6 (as dissipated as CID is at the start, that just makes them coming back together all the more heartwarming).

Morse & Thursday are of course the freaking bedrock of the show, they're just insanely good and I genuinely want them to be together forever. As much as he misses Joan at the end, I really want a happy ending where Thursday and Morse can stay together. At the same time, what with the whole men in the 60s reinforcing one another's emotional repression, I kind of wonder what would've happened if Thursday had been able to steer Morse in a different direction, and if it would have had a knock-on effect with helping Morse express his feelings for Joan and maybe end up somewhere better. But their characters are so intertwined it's hard to separate out the what-ifs. I do think Thursday had more of an impact on Morse than Morse did on Thursday, but you could maybe chalk that up to age. Leopards don't change their spots, etc. Still... lamenting lost potential is what grief is.

I'm also a huge fan of Morse & Trewlove tbh, he's so relaxed around her?? He tells her stuff he never tells anyone else?? They fake marry?? Ridiculously sweet. They share the trait of being incredibly dedicated and detailed in their work, and it bleeds over into a genuine appreciation for one another that they don't really have with any of their other colleagues (save for maybe Trewlove & Bright, another fantastic platonic OTP in my book). I also can see them being friends w bennies but I def don't ship them romantically.

My unpopular opinion about this character?

Not sure if I have one tbh. I haven't been here long but I generally think the wider fandom has it right about most things. Maybe not including Jakes as some brand of OTP? I feel bad because I love Peter, I just don't see him and Morse being particular friends any more than Morse and Jim are tbh.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Um, happiness. Just, all the happiness. I wish he could communicate better. I wish he'd had a better childhood. I wish his house hadn't been burgled and that he could still listen to Rosalind Calloway without taking emotional damage. I wish he hadn't been beaten down and that he could feel secure and safe, and have a fulfilled life outside of work. Great tragedies always keep the happy ending in sight, and Endeavour does that incredibly, painfully, well.

If I had to choose something specific to have happened in the show, I guess I would have liked to see more of Joyce. I'm fascinated by their relationship and I really loved every cameo from Morse's past that we saw, plus episodes like Cartouche with cousin Carol. Tbf I have heard that Joyce shows up more in Inspector Morse, so... 👀

[auroras-void]

I love Izutsumi dungeon meshi sm.

Like she's a catgirl so obv she was always going to instantly become my favorite character, but also I just relate to her a lot I think. It helps that she looks a lot like me irl but also it's deeper than that, and it's also a little odd because I think I relate her to my past far more than my present.

Like is it weird that this catgirl is actually just straight up replacing my memories of my pre transition self?

I hate past me bc they were a miserable bitch who was kinda a jerk to everyone, but now instead I just imagine past me as Izutsumi instead and I feel so much better about myself.

Like, yea she's immature and rude but it's just because because she's young and a little stupid, and so few people have tried to engage with her on an emotional level with compassion, and tried to understand her personal needs and idiosyncrasies.

And she hides because she's been taught to hide. She got given a name that pleased someone else instead of her, no ones ever really wanted her to be herself.

She lashes out at affection but it's because she doesn't know how to communicate her boundaries or advocate for herself yet, but deep down she still craves it like anyone else, maybe even more than most. She's not trying to be mean, she doesn't actually want to be like that, she's just scared and overwhelmed with the world and doesn't want to admit that she doesn't know how to do anything else.

Plus like, she's just a cat.

You can't honestly stay mad at a cat. They lash out sometimes yeah, they bite you, they scratch you, they hide from you, they built different from you, they got different needs and boundaries, and you'll get bit even more if you don't respect it, but like, they just do that, and you don't even need to understand why to know that they aren't any less worthy of love for being like that. You just do anyways, because just intuitively you already know deep down that all cats deserve love.

Like, honestly it's let me come to terms with my past and be so much gentler with myself for my failures. It softens the scorn I have for myself with all my childhood memories because I don't see that miserable little boy being a jerk anymore, I see this young catgirl who's trying her best but still just struggling with the lack of validation and understanding she's received, who still deserves that love and acceptance not just in spite of her angsty reactions, but *because* of them.

Not to mention how gender affirming it is to have someone else to imagine instead of myself. Like it helps a lot I think, because I get to see my past self for who she was on the inside all along instead of what others decided I was based on how they interpreted what they saw at my surface.

That boy in my memories doesn't exist to me anymore I think, it doesn't benefit me to keep that interpretation of me alive, and Izutsumi is the perfect replacement for him I think. In my mind I'll have always just been a catgirl like I am today.

And all cats deserve love.

[thefinalwitness]

in general if your response to a certain type of character, especially any form of minority, is literally any variation whatsoever of "that doesn't exist/wouldn't be allowed in this setting" you're being a bigoted piece of shit. just to be super clear. and because my adderall is in full effect rn i will even do you the favor of going over some reasons why your reasoning is not only flawed and inaccurate to begin with, but extremely harmful to entire groups of people you claim to care about.

"that doesn't exist" first of all, who fucking cares if a piece of media has never depicted a lesbian or a nonbinary person or a black person in xyz region/world? just because the creators didn't do it doesn't make it Canonical Law. also, regardless of how fantastical and fictional a setting is, its audience will ALWAYS be from planet earth where lesbians and nonbinary people and black people exist, and those people's feelings and their deservingness to see and put themselves in their favorite stories IS, in fact, more important than some white-ass cishet make believe world.

"it wouldn't be allowed" subtler issue, but an issue nonetheless. just because the setting is hostile TO certain groups of people does not mean those people do not exist there. ask yourself, what is so important to you about certain kinds of people either not existing period, or having to be miserable (closet themselves, conceal certain features, etc), in a given setting. why is that so important to you. why do you think these people can only exist if they hate themselves and/or live their lives suffocated by the world around them. why is it so "lore incompliant" or "immersion breaking" to you. why are you so concerned with upholding real or perceived prejudices in a fictional society if you claim to care about the real people who these prejudices affect. "realism"? see point one.

NONE of the reasons you make up to justify your reinforcement of real world bigotry in a pretend world are even reasons that would ACTUALLY bar xyz group of people from existing in said world. ishgard only shut its gates to the rest of the world for 15 years before ARR. old sharlayan accepted people from tural into its closed society. the ancients could literally conjure up whatever the fuck they wanted inside and outside their bodies. fantasias are a canonical item in the game, as per the quest that literally talks about them and then gives you one. there are HUNDREDS of perfectly lore compliant ways any given type of person could be in any given setting. but more importantly, people shouldn't need to justify why things like sexuality or skin color CAN exist in a given setting, because if you're not harboring some very bigoted ideas about how minorities are allowed to or "supposed" to exist, you don't fucking care about shit like this. it's stupid, inaccurate, and most of all, just plain cruel to the very real people behind these characters.

racism, transphobia, etc already exist in staggering abundance in the real world; you do not need to enforce that cruelty in a random fucking video game unless you have some very fucked up feelings about those groups of people festering in your brain. if you're not a member of those groups, shame on you, do better to support your fellow human beings. if you ARE a member of those groups, i am so fucking sorry the world has rotted your sense of self so deeply as to make you believe you can only exist in misery. i really, sincerely hope you're able to work through that and know that your existence is an inherently joyful, beautiful thing, and people like you deserve to get to exist peacefully, everywhere in the real world and in any and all fictional settings. i know finding worth in ourselves is too often an extremely difficult process, so i ask instead that you start with others like you. be kind to them, support them, find things about them that you admire, and try to see yourself in them. you deserve to get to heal from the insidious, evil things this world has poisoned your heart with.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Hi! Really enjoyed the Harry is gay post, very well researched! Are there any other characters in the series you would also think are gay? Don't wanna say anyone just yet, just want your unfiltered opinion

Hi!

Thank you so much!

Can't say I have other characters I feel as strongly about their sexual preferences. A large part of it is what Harry chooses to pay attention to. So, I don't have much evidence for anyone else, but I can say who I think is likelier to be gay (or at least not straight) from textual evidence. Some of them go into headcanon territory, but here they are, off the top of my head and in no particular order:

1. Dumbledore and Grindelwald

I'm pretty sure these two are canon, so I don't need to say much. But:

“Yes, even after they’d spent all day in discussion—both such brilliant young boys, they got on like a cauldron on fire—I’d sometimes hear an owl tapping at Gellert’s bedroom window, delivering a letter from Albus! An idea would have struck him, and then he had to let Gellert know immediately!”

(DH, pages 308-309)

Gellert— .... (This was your mistake at Durmstrang! But I do not complain, because if you had not been expelled, we would never have met.) Albus

(DH, pages 309)

“Grindelwald. And at last, my brother had an equal to talk to someone just as bright and talented he was. And looking after Ariana took a backseat then, while they were hatching all their plans for a new Wizarding order and looking for Hallows, and whatever else it was they were so interested in.

(DH, pages 480)

2. Sirius Black

I think Sirius might've been gay, or at least bi. It goes into headcanon territory, but I think Sirius used to be in love with James. He just always gave me that vibe. (I don't think they were ever a thing, I think Sirius took his feelings for James with him to his grave).

Here are some quotes that gave me the feeling Sirius is not interested in anyone but James:

Harry saw Sirius give James the thumbs-up. Sirius was lounging in his chair at his ease, tilting it back on two legs. He was very good-looking; his dark hair fell into his eyes with a sort of casual elegance neither James’s nor Harry’s could ever have achieved, and a girl sitting behind him was eyeing him hopefully, though he didn’t seem to have noticed.

(OOTP, page 642)

“He kept messing up his hair,” said Harry in a pained voice. Sirius and Lupin laughed. “I’d forgotten he used to do that,” said Sirius affectionately.

(OOTP, page 670)

Plus, Sirius' general fixation on James and his constant reminiscence about him. And the two-way mirror they made just for them cause they couldn't handle an hour apart in detention:

This is a two-way mirror. I’ve got the other. If you need to speak to me, just say my name into it; you’ll appear in my mirror and I’ll be able to talk in yours. James and I used to use them when we were in separate detentions.

(OOTP, page 858)

But we don't really know about any romantic interests Sirius may have had. So, it's more of a headcanon than anything.

3. Dean Thomas

I think Dean Thomas is bi (not gay, I think he did like Ginny). And I have only one qoute evidence for it, but it's a really funny one and I don't think I've seen anyone mention it so I'll put it here:

He certainly wasn’t the only one who was sorry to see Professor Lupin go. The whole of Harry’s Defense Against the Dark Arts class was miserable about his resignation. “Wonder what they’ll give us next year?” said Seamus Finnigan gloomily. “Maybe a vampire,” suggested Dean Thomas hopefully.

(POA, page 429)

Dean Thomas clearly read whatever 1990s version of Twilight that exists in the HP universe and wants a love triangle paranormal romance with a werewolf and a vampire.

4. Draco Malfoy

I think he was a little too obsessed with Harry. Like, I don't actually ship Drarry, but I can definitely confess Draco was way too interested in Harry for it to not appear a little gay.

He rummaged in his trunk up in the luggage rack and pulled out the miniature figure of Viktor Krum. “Oh wow,” said Neville enviously as Ron tipped Krum onto his pudgy hand. “We saw him right up close, as well,” said Ron. “We were in the Top Box —” “For the first and last time in your life, Weasley.” Draco Malfoy had appeared in the doorway. Behind him stood Crabbe and Goyle, his enormous, thuggish cronies, both of whom appeared to have grown at least a foot during the summer. Evidently they had overheard the conversation through the compartment door, which Dean and Seamus had left ajar. “Don’t remember asking you to join us, Malfoy,” said Harry coolly.

(GOF, page 168)

Draco literally comes to find Harry on the train, uninvited, every year (except 6th). Throughout their time at school, he also makes an active effort to seek out Harry to a level that is kind of ridiculous. It always looked to me like Draco was desperate for any sort of attention from Harry.

Harry looked down at the hawthorn wand that had once belonged to Draco Malfoy. He had been surprised, but pleased to discover that it worked for him at least as well as Hermione’s had done.

(DH, page 444)

Considering how loyal unicorn hair wands like Draco's are, it seems Dravo feels more friendly about Harry than he likes to pretend.

5. Aunt Muriel

It sounds weird, I know, but I have a reason here. So, Muriel is from the same generation as Dumbledore, more or less, from her words in DH. And we know, back then she had expectations to marry and have children as a (seemingly) pure-blood witch. Those expectations would've been prevalent when she was a young woman in the early 20th century, even among the less blood-purist families.

The fact that she didn't seem to have settled down with a husband and children implies she wasn't interested in doing so. This allows a reading of her as either interested in women or not interested in sex or marriage in general.

6. Alphard Black & Cassiopeia Black

For the same reasons as Muriel. Neither Cassiopeia (born 1915) nor Alphard, Sirius' godfather (born circa 1927-ish) married or had children. This is something that would be expected of them, so the reading of them as not straight is very plausible.

So, that's it. These are all the characters that off the top of my head I could give textual evidence for a not straight reading of. I don't have as much evidence, and that's why I consider this more headcanon than theory. Obviously, people can headcanon wherever, these are just the ones that I could recall evidence for.

[justrainandcoffee]

The traitor

Prev. || Masterlist

Summary: The eldest son of Jared I Stark, and the night that the young wolf was separated from the pack.

Warnings: Homosexuality and homophobia. Death.

Words: 700 || Once again, remember that these are just blurbs that show what the different characters did before the war. And how their actions are going to affect that war in the future.

He always liked men. Even as kid, Jared II Stark knew that girls, their long hair and elegant mannerisms and gracious smile weren't something he'd find attractive. The soldiers and knights his father commanded, on the other hand...

But he also knew that his father wanted more Starks, Jared's own chidren especially healthy boys, but men couldn't provide that.

He heard his father talking to his council about a possible alliance with the Reach. Lord Tyrell had a girl two years younger than him, barely starting to be a woman but perfectly suitable to be a wife in two or three years. Jared I, said that once she was old enough they'd have two or three new Starks running around Winterfell.

But the idea of having sex with a woman to create a new life disgusted him. His brothers like women, he knew that. The youngest one, Jay, often murmured about marrying some girl probably from the North. James, the second brother, was quieter about his preferences but once Jared saw him kissing a maid.

But Jared was different. He liked men and was perfectly comfortable with that, even if he couldn't say it to anyone.

Willard was his name. 'Will, the strong' the rest of the men called him. Willard Blackwood was 18 years old, was tall and his laughing could be heard around Winterfell every night. He was there to be part of the knights the Stark have and something he consider an honour.

Not even Jared knew how everything started but one day was looking at him and the other was kissing him. That was the final confirmation he needed to completely understand himself. During the cold and darkest nights, both boys enjoyed the mutual company. And for some months it became a tradition to find a moment to see each other.

Until his father found them. Darkblood, his sword was in his hand and the fire illuminating the way reflected on the blade. Someone told him and it was true. His firstborn and one of his knights were in a dark hallway.

Darkblood did its job. Willard's head was now near his lover's feet who was trying to understand what was happening. He was covered in Will's blood but his lips were still warm for his kisses.

"You're a disgrace," his father's voice was colder than the weather. "I should kill you."

"Then kill me," his eyes were full of tears but if someone didn't fear Lord Stark that was Jared.

"The Gods don't want that. But don't tempt me. You're not my son. You're a demon using my boy's skin. I should've known that you were going to disappoint me. You're nothing, you-"

"And you're too coward. You think you look like a fearless man and you love the fear you cause in my brothers. You love that they respect you. But I have news for you, I'm not them. I can see your soul, father, you're the same scared boy that was humiliated by his brother his whole life, aren't you? Yes, afraid of a stag in the forests? Did you pee yourself, father? You're older but you're the same pathetic boy you always was."

Lord Stark put his sword on his son's neck and pressed it against his skin. "History will remember this day as the day I spared a life just for the pleasure of seeing that person suffering the rest of their miserable existence in the Wall."

Screams from servants seeing the decapitated knight woke up the rest of the family. His mother and his brothers were looking at them while father and son were staring at each other with pure hatred.

"Get the fuck out of my sight."

He barely had time to say his brother James to stay strong for the things that were going to happen to him now that he wasn't going to be there. He didn't looked at his mother.

His heavy cape moved in the wind as he was riding to his future home: The Wall. Tears were burning his eyes. Willard deserved better.

Now, five years later he was the captain of the Night Watch. His men respected him and he was a kind leader.

Yet, his heart screamed revenge.

It's night and he's dreaming. He sees his father killing Willard once again. Only that this time he sees himself using his sword against the head of the North.

Jared opened his eyes. Now he knew what he needed to do. And he was ready for it.

He turned around in bed and looked the dark sky through his window. It was snowing. Winter is coming, he thought.

Next

Happy that a little more people know Jared. In my fics he's paired with Tommy. He's an openly homosexual irish gangster that committed patricide 👀.

@mischievouslittlecreature @peakyswritings @call-sign-shark @cillmequick @evita-shelby @hoodeddreams13 @darklydeliciousdesires @shelbydelrey

[lovemyromance]

Antis: Elriel can't be endgame because SJM always gaslights us and tries to make us think a couple is endgame when they're not!!

Okay... so ... is any couple safe then? Is Feysand safe? Is Nessian safe? Who's to say Rowaelin will not break up some day? Who's to say Bryce won't leave Hunt for some random character that hasn't been introduced yet in CC4?

SJM is not writing these couples for the sole purpose of trying to gaslight her readers. Not to mention - ACOTAR IS NOT TOG OR CC.

SJM has said multiple times, the spinoffs will feature dual POV and ONE couple.

Please tell me how we go from Elain ignoring Lucien, to getting with Azriel, to leaving Azriel, and falling in love and accepting the mating bond with Lucien all in one book.

Please explain how we go from Azriel pining after Elain, getting angry over Rhys forbidding him away from her, to ignoring Elain and falling for Gwyn, discovering Gwyn is his mate (lol), and accepting the mating bond with her?

Just... use your brains for once, my friends. The excuses for why Elriel can't be endgame are laughable at best, and downright misogynistic at worst. Like are you really telling me:

Elriel can't be together because his shadows don't like her and they disappear - even though his shadows disappear around the entire IC whenever he's happy or comfortable? Even though they tell him when she's safe and sound in bed and help him put the necklace on her

Elriel can't be together because Elain will always feel a tug to Lucien - yeah we know the mating bond feels like a tug, Elain has done a pretty good job of ignoring it thus far though, and it hasn't even been broken yet. It hasn't stopped her from trying to kiss Azriel in the hallway?

Elriel can't be together because SJM never pairs them with their first love interest - great! Because neither Elain or Azriel are each others first loves.

Elriel can't be together because Lucien deserves a happy ending - great! Good thing he has Vassa

Elriel can't be together because Gwyn will be sad - Gwyn could be the priestess at their wedding and she would not shed a single tear because she doesn't want Azriel and nothing she has done shows she is romantically interested in him whatsoever

Elriel can't be together because she's miserable in the NC - No she is not. And if she wants to leave, nobody is stopping her. And if I say Azriel will follow her to the ends of the earth, then?? Next.

Elriel can't be together bc she doesn't have an Illyrian pelvis - Adoption exists, ask SJM (adopted herself). Also, your misogyny is showing.

Elriel can't be together because Elain is scared of Azriel's darkness - I'm sorry, has she whispered those words only in your ears? Because nothing in canon suggests that she can't handle his darkness. She stabbed the king of Hybern - she's fine

Elriel can't be together because she is secretly pining after Lucien - brother where?? Also, she has a very interesting way of showing secret pining by getting Nawsty in the corridor with the spymaster instead of her mate

Elriel can't be together bc SJM is a fated mates author - Okay, and if I say the Elucien mating bond is fake and Azriel & Elain are true mates? Then what? Because SJM faked a mating bond with Rowan before - don't see why she couldn't do that again with Lucien & Elain to keep him away from breaking Vassa's curse. If she can do the switching up love interest plot twist this many times, she can definitely do the fake mating bond switch up too. Give me a single reason why not?

Elriel is not suited for each other but Lucien and Elain's personalities are perfect - brother where?? Again?? Because they don't even talk so how do you know they'd even get along?

Elriel can't get together because with Elucien and Gwynriel we'd get 2 stories - this is by far the stupidest excuse but I'd like to counter by saying Elriel + Vassien. There you go. Trade you one redhead for another. Now what?

Elriel can't get together because Elain needs sunlight - she said that once. When she was confused about her visions. She sat in the window once. When she was still confused about her visions.

Elriel can't get together because -

Y'all better just come right out and admit you don't like Elriel because you like Lucien better than Azriel or you like Gwyn better than Elain - because otherwise it is getting downright embarrassing reading your theories.

It's one thing to just not like a couple - that's your right and full send, nobody's stopping you.

It's another to fully claim Elriels are delusional for thinking a couple that is currently obsessed with each other is not going to be endgame. It's another thing to use out of context canon text to support your PREFERENCE. It's another thing to claim we use Elain as a self-insert because we "want Azriel smut".

Like tf? If we wanted Azriel smut we wouldn't care who he ended up with. If it were up to my personal preferences - I'd actually want Elain with Eris because I think that would be way more interesting than both Azriel AND Lucien. If I thought Elain was a self-insert for myself, I'd keep her with Lucien because Lucien book 1 is still my favorite.

So don't come around here and tell me Elriels are delusional for reading what is printed on the page.

It's not surface level reading if we look at a "Pool is 2FT deep" sign and believe it. We have NO reason to believe otherwise.

If you choose to doubt the words written on the sign -and dive in headfirst - that's your prerogative but something tells me you won't enjoy the results 🤷🏻‍♀️

[dayseedrawz2]

My thoughts on episode 3 + theories!!

I'll talk more about this on my YT, but for now here's a tumblr version

(SPOILERS BELOW)

Okay so starting off, my unfiltered thoughts throughout the episode

-They actually spend time together when outside the adventures aww! (Not like they really have a choice, but still neat-)

-Jax being a bitch

-"Zooble turns Straight" Welp, the whooooooole fandom was right!

-Bubbles reversed dialouge. Damn they really don't want those content farms no more.

-CAINE AN POMNI INTERACTION YEAAAA (It was one piece of dialogue I'm so delusional)

-He made this adventure JUST for Zooble cuz they never go and he really wants them to GUYS HES NOT A VILLAN SEE?

-Jax being a bitch

-LUIGIS MANSION REFRENCE FUCKING YESSS

-Wow the visual here are super pretty :o

-...and horrifying

-Jax being a bitch

-I haven't mentioned yet but the lil quirky powers or whatever are cool

-Wow the lore Caine writes for these stories is just like your average artist who torments their OCs (he so me fr)

-2D ANIMATION!!! Also Kinger and Pomni being like the funniest duo ever

-HOLY FRICKLE FRACKLE THEY DEFINITELY DID NOT WANT CONTENT FARMS TO FIND THIS EPISODE

-the monster is awesome looking tho

-THE THERAPY SESSION SEGMENTSS AAA

-Also Caine has a Trans flag hanging somewhere in the circus neat

-He forgot he could use his powers to just teleport Zooble to him lol

-Back to the spooky stuff

-Wow Kinger can actually use a gun! (Never thought I'd be saying that sentence-)

-KINGER AND POMNI GO TO ACTUAL HELL WHILE THE REST JUST HAVE A TEA PARTY WITH MARTHA

-Also JAX IS TIED UP BAHAHAHA

- "You know how men are, always having the silliest priorities..." "Heh, dont i know it!" I think the bunny doll shippers really like that scene

-Zooble has some sorta body dismorphia and has opened up about it to Caine multiple times seems like

-Uhh Caine... you okay buddy? CAINE YOU GOOD BRO? CAI

-CAINE HAS EMOTIONS/SELF AWARNESS CONFIRMED???

-Pomni gets fucking posessed ok

-now we know why it looked like kinger was hitting Pomni with the shotgun

-KINGER AND QUEENIE WERE MARRIED CONFIRMED???

-Father daughter bonding aww...

-I love how the whole fandom took one good look at Ragatha and went:

GAY GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GA-

-also Pomni and Ragatha are on good terms now aww...

-Caine and Zooble Should Pass that pipe from ep 2 and legitemently vent to each other

-Jax is pissed because the Jester actually had a good fucking day for once lmao stay mad

-NOW WE KNOW WHY HE STAYS IN THAT PILLOWFORT IM GONNA FUCKIN CRY NOW

Overall, this was definitely my favorite episode so far! The team is getting better each and every episode! SOOO much happened here!! I'm super excited to see what happens next!!

Okay, THEORY TIME!!

-Okay so to start lightly, so far, all the episodes we've seen contain:

Gangles mask breaking

Jax breaks the 4th wall

A cute/sad heart to heart conversation or interaction

A reference to angels or god or Christianity in some way

Interesting right?? Wonder if this keeps up...

-On the topic of Christianity, I saw a theory saying that if it's true that the gang developed the game (which may be true because of that computer science line), When Pomni says "I knew it would end up like this... He just wants me to suffer..." she may not be referring to Caine, but her Boss at CnA.

If that boss exists and is NOT named able, Imma be mildly upset-

-Okay, Alot of people have been talking about Jax being an NPC, and I wanna bring up my opinion on this:

As I mentioned earlier, he always breaks the 4th wall, witch could be seen as a character in a game being like "What do YOU think?" *Insert Game Options here*

I saw another theory saying that if this is true, Jax might be self aware or sentient to some degree, and This is why he tortures everyone. He knows that this world Revolves around the players and nit him so he wants to make them more miserable.

-OKAY, NOW WHAT (I) WEVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR... THE WHOLE DEAL WITH CAINE GLITCHING OUT AN' STUFF!

As one of many Caine angst connisuars on this platform, I really enjoyed this scene...

Caine knows that he only exists to make adventures and if he can't do it well enough than he serves ZERO purpouse and his existence is useless... (he's just like me fr)

This has SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR A SERIES FINALE.

Since in each episode we've (mostly) seen a character being comforted (mostly Either Pomni being comforted OR someone being comforted BY Pomni)

What if the last episode had Caine and Pomni having a heart to heart?

(Shutup this is not about showtime I swear let me have this-)

Someone abstracts, (Ragatha or Kinger probably,) and it's Caine's last straw. He finally breaks and the circus goes into ruins. Pomni does her best to comfort him. This could go one of two ways:

Either she sucseeds and happy ending for everyone :D

OR, they fail and The Circus is destroyed, Taking Caine down with it.

Maybe then that would be how they escape cuz if Caine is emotionaly attached to the circus, it would be completely destroyed or erased if Caine finally broke...

The angst potential is crazy...

This is terrifyingly close to what I wanted to do with R-M AU UHHH I MEAN-

Anywayyyy I believe that's all! If yall have anymore theories lemme know!!

[exsanguidus]

Controversial opinion; I think Ascended Astarion is the true Astarion. In DnD lore, vampirism amplifies a person's traits for whoever they are at the time they become a true vampire. A Paladin wanting to save people will end up ruling a city with an iron fist to keep people safe. A mage wanting to heal those they love will hurt everyone else to heal them. Astarion was on a journey with Tav - one from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy. I think Ascended Astarion is cannon Astarion. He will always be a vampire, and vampires in DnD are always the amplification of a true self. Without ascention, he is still malleable - but I don't think its what he wants. He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is.

I'm going to start this with a disclaimer:

I work in the mental health field professionally and majored in Social & Behavioral Science, which is partly why I felt drawn to Astarion as a sort of case study. Characters rooted in trauma are interesting to me and I enjoy picking them apart to judge how real it feels. I utilize my educational and professional background to essentially guide how I write Astarion on this account.

That said, despite me being a professional in the field, all of what I have to say is my personal opinion and interpretation of Astarion's character based on how I interpret the material Larian gave us and the material that can be found in DND lore. Even in real life, things have variation and not all mental health struggles (getting over trauma is part of mental health) present the exact same way. There are theories that exist to try and explain some trends in mental health studies, psychology, and sociology, but again they're called theories for a reason.

Now, my response to this question will be under the cut and will include spoilers.

I know what lore in particular you're referencing, anon, because I've been going back to it a lot ever since I opened this account.

Astarion very much has an insecure attachment style born from his abuse at Cazador's hands. Specifically, an anxious-avoidant attachment type that leans more towards avoidant when he's first met and then begins to swing more towards anxious as he begins to get closer to Tav and the other companions.

Anxious-avoidant attachment types (also known as the “fearful or disorganized type”) bring together the worst of both worlds. Anxious-avoidants are not only afraid of intimacy and commitment, but they distrust and lash out emotionally at anyone who tries to get close to them. Anxious-avoidants often spend much of their time alone and miserable, or in abusive or dysfunctional relationships. Anxious-avoidants are low in confidence and less likely to express emotions, preferring to suppress them. However, they can have intense emotional outbursts when under stress. They also don’t tend to seek help when in need due to a distrust of others. This sucks because they are also incapable of sorting through their own issues. Anxious-avoidants really get the worst of both worlds. They avoid intimacy not because they prefer to be alone like avoidants. Rather, they avoid intimacy because they are so terrified of its potential to hurt them (Mark Manson, Attachment Styles and How They Affect Your Relationships).

Typically, most studies of Attachment Theory focus on the relationship of parents-children or romantic partners, but it can also be applied to any significant relationship someone has in their lifetime. Attachment styles thus are capable of changing based on new relationship experiences.

If you end up giving him the "good" ending where he denies the Ascension, it's implied in his final dialogue that he's actively working towards having a secure attachment type due to the influences of his fellow worm-afflicted associates - particularly Tav.

I think that it's important to also note that, even if Tav doesn't romantically connect with Astarion, he shows hints of desperately wanting someone to care for him, support him, and love him. He does want to know what sex would be like as something other than a tool, and especially what it would be like to actually want to have it just for the pure sake of enjoying having it.

You have to understand that Astarion doesn't even understand the concept of casual sex or friends with benefits. All those times he had to seduce people for Cazador was not casual sex or a friends with benefits situation. All of them were transactions with a means to an end. He got nothing out of seducing those victims besides the possibility of not incurring Cazador's wrath that night - but even then, there was still a possibility because Cazador was an abuser.

Abusers are incapable of providing genuine safety, but can manipulate their victims into believing an illusion of safety. Often times, they manipulate their victims into this by using phrases like "you made me do this by being disobedient", "it wouldn't come to this if you just did what you were told", and then weaponizing basic needs such as shelter, food, and social interaction. The bare minimum becomes something the victim is expected to be grateful for and viewed as a favor, which means anything beyond the bare minimum is expected to be viewed as a theatrical showing of care and love.

In game, Tav has the chance to hear Astarion tell the story of how Cazador turned him. He basically states that he got attacked by a mob due to a ruling he handed down when he was magistrate and then Cazador saved him and offered him immortality. It can be inferred that in his pre-vampiric days, Astarion had no idea that Cazador was abusive to his spawn.

This is likely because it seems that Cazador is careful about his public image. He doesn't allow his spawn to drink from humans, very likely not just as a means to further oppress them and dampen their potential power they could get from drinking people's blood, but also as a way to ensure there's not just a bunch of people out in the city being bitten and left alive to tell the story - or left dead on the street suspiciously.

He has his spawn seduce and lure people, particularly lower class people that would be harder for general society to realize is missing or just that he knows people who could actually challenge him wouldn't care for (you learn that reading some of the books and notes in Szarr Palace). The only exception to this is the kidnapping of Gur children, but even then it seems to fit his MO as it seems Gur are considered somewhat outcasts from the rest of Baldurian society due to their cultural differences.

It should also be noted that he himself doesn't do these seductions or kidnappings. He specifically chooses spawn to be his lackeys and that's likely so, if shit hits the fan and the spawn gets caught, he has deniability since he wasn't there. It's methodical and thought out to keep as many eyes away from him so he can still obtain what he wants and keep sailing under the radar.

Cazador is this methodical and purposeful as a result of his own trauma, which we learn about from the skull of his master in the dungeon of Szaar Palace. There's one interaction in particular with the skull in which Tav can learn that, at one point, Cazador attempted to rebel and usurp his master. Cazador failed and his master punished him via impalement. Not because Cazador had the audacity to try and usurp him, but because Cazador tried and failed. Cazador's master punished Cazador via torture because his master was disgusted by the fact that his spawn was too weak to succeed in such a plot.

Which brings me to my next point... it's not uncommon for victims of abuse to later become abusers. Hence the term Cycle of Abuse exists. Many abusers who were once victims often have the mentality of either "I'm not nearly as bad as my abuser was, they should be grateful I care enough to not be so bad" or "I survived and it made me tougher, they need to suck it up and let it help them build character" or both. They often fail to view their abuse as abuse and fail to recognize how their experience as abuse victims contributes into making them toxic and abusive to others.

There's many peer-reviewed scholarly articles you can find about the cycle of abuse, but one I particularly find useful is Editorial: Dissociation, and cycles of abuse across generations by David P.H. Jones. It talks specifically about parents and children, but I believe some of the general points made can be applied to Cazador and his spawn, as he crafts a very family-like setting that can be seen in the way that his spawn refer to one another as brothers and sisters.

This would thus make him the father figure, a role exponentially made important by the fact he denies his spawn education on things that could serve to give them ideas or the ability to leave him (for example, Astarion mentions that none of the spawn were permitted to learn about the language of the various symbols around the palace) and he consistently chooses his Golden Children (Favored Spawns) as a means of providing more false security. Do what he says, when he says, exactly how he says and don't complain then you will have benefits. You will be Favored, and to have his favor is the highest honor you could achieve.

Torture is clearly presented as Cazador's primary go-to for discipline. Research has also concluded that trauma has a way of affecting the brain and memories.

Trauma can prevent information (like words, images, sounds, etc.) from different parts of the brain from combining to make a semantic memory. The temporal lobe and inferior parietal cortex collect information from different brain areas to create semantic memory (The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine).

Astarion mentions a few times in-game that he can barely remember his life before Cazador, if at all, and a huge part of that is likely because of all the trauma Cazador inflicted upon him that exacerbated the natural occurrence of memory loss from aging (if vampires experience natural memory loss from aging, that is). This is most likely true for all of Cazador's spawn.

I say all this as a set up to truly answering you, anon, specifically where you say: "from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy."

I can argue that Astarion did not feel free up until after a decision to Ascend or not was made. And I argue that stance due to some dialogue he can have with Tav here he basically states that the power Ascension could guarantee that no one, even someone after Cazador is dead, could ever come in to oppress and hurt him again. Even with Cazador dead, he has such an intense fear of being enslaved and used that he turns to catastrophic thoughts as justification to why he needs to Ascend.

Catastrophic thinking is a cognitive distortion that occurs when people have a hard time weighing the likelihood of certain outcomes and believe that terrible or catastrophic outcomes—which are highly unlikely—become, in one’s mind, salient and extremely likely. (Tom Zaubler, MD, MPH).

Aside from the Gur, whom Astarion can manage to evade and even kill perfectly fine as just a spawn, we're not presented with any hints of another big bad in the vampire world that could possibly want Astarion. As such, there's not really any tangible threat, but rather a perceived threat that he believes is destined to darken his doorstep at any time.

His catastrophic thinking is a trauma response. His belief that he needs to be the most powerful being in the room as a way to be truly free is a trauma response. Cazador broke him down emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually to make him believe that he was weak and trapped. Furthermore, that he remained trapped because he was too weak to do anything about it.

You see how this goes full circle into how Cazador's master punished Cazador for not being able to successfully usurp him? It places blame on the victim, allowing shame and helplessness to root that the abuser can manipulate. We know that Astarion definitely feels shame because he tells Tav that. For most of his dialogue until the boss fight, he's constantly bringing up that he did what Cazador wanted and acted obedient because he had no choice.

This is true, he had to act in self-preservation to survive and unfortunately that meant he had to be subservient. A few dialogue choices you can have your Tav pick can challenge Astarion and say he could have still tried, to which he'll rightfully tell Tav that Tav has no right to judge him for the choices he made to survive.

When Astarion encounters Sebastian in the dungeon, its made pretty obvious how much guilt and shame he truly feels. Furthermore, that for all Astarion's protesting and exclaiming that no one has the right to judge him, a part of him did believe that he didn't do enough to try and escape enslavement. A part of himself blamed himself and believed he allowed himself to be abused when, in reality, he was put in a horrible situation with very limited options. He did the best he could in the moment, with what information he had in those moments.

I also want to argue that who Astarion is when we meet him isn't his true self. It's who he had to become in order to survive Cazador. Astarion doesn't even know who his true self is because he didn't have the opportunity to explore his own likes and preferences. Cazador molded all of his spawn because he had a specific purpose for them.

Not only that, but since Cazador would have to more directly deal with these spawn since he used them as lackies, he also would have molded them to behave in ways to his preference so that he wouldn't find their presence unbearable and feel inclined to murder them out of annoyance. This is also where the Favored Spawn being separated and set on a pedestal comes into play. Those who could please him and play to his wants and needs had better benefits. If all of the spawn are acting in self-preservation, they would want to be favored and thus would want to adapt themselves to things Cazador liked and approved of.

This would mean learning to be cruel to those less fortunate and not doing anything as charity. This is the reason why Astarion approves of some questionable decisions Tav can make. Astarion learned his ideals and morality from Cazador because he had to so he could know how to please Cazador and stay in his master's good graces. After a while, even if you started off disagreeing, forcing yourself to act a certain way can become a habit that sticks with you. You convince yourself to enjoy it too so it's easier to swallow.

Astarion craves power because he knows that power is the quickest, easiest, and - what he believes - most effective way to prevent him from having to use that method ever again. It's logical to want power to solve that.

You said in your ask: "He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is."

In the most literal of terms, yes, Ascension gives him all of those. However, since the basis of him believing he needs power to be free is rooted in fear, that's not actually really freedom. That is still his fear ruling over him.

There's a stark difference in what someone wants versus what they need. He wants power, to be seen, to be loved, and to be free. What he actually needs is security, stability, support, consistency, empathy, and autonomy. The things he wants is what he believes will solve the empty cups of what he needs, and he believes that because the only example he had on how to act to get what you want - until the events of the game - was Cazador. He literally had no other example of how to get your needs met except through selfishness, cruelty, force, manipulation, and abuse.

Again, I reiterate. The Astarion we first meet is not Astarion's true nature. Astarion's true nature was corrupted by his abuse from Cazador and the subsequent trauma that followed. If it had been his true nature, he would have happily been Cazador's subject because their true natures would have been in alignment.

It only becomes his true nature if he allows that trauma to define him and decides that he needs to embrace it rather than fight it. That is then what gets amplified because that fear that roots those wants becomes amplified.

Honestly, it's impossible to say what would be canon for Astarion because there's too many factors.

Studies have shown that having more supportive and positive influences, even if its later in life after leaving the abuser, tends to work in favor of the victim breaking the cycle of abuse. As such, I think that if you make a Tav who's core values are autonomy, consent, second chances, and redemption and somehow manage to get high enough approval that he'd even consider caring what they think; then its more likely that Astarion would reject Ascension due to observing how much softer, kinder, patient, and merciful Tav is.

But if its a Tav that has no interest in getting to know him beyond the surface or Tav doesn't exist at all, I honestly think he would end up going through with Ascension. Mostly because, to me, it seems like he didn't really bother to have more than surface level interactions with the other companions and the other companions really only ended up getting to know him better as a result to Tav managing to get past his masking. He does not lower his mask on his own accord, only after certain things are done and said by Tav.

Unfortunately, I just don't really think any of the other companions you can pick up in-game would really be able to provide support and determined consistency in the same way that players can make Tav. Hence I don't think he'd end up caring enough about any of them to ever start to think that perhaps freedom can be defined differently than the way he initially believes, and would view Ascension as the only right way to get his needs fulfilled.

[ladyorigami]

How do you feel about season 4

Bad. I feel reeeeal bad about season 4. LOL I hate it, actually-hate what they did to my boy.

Yes I'm always focused most on Five as a character, but I will say as a whole, the season is just...just a mess. They took away a lot of particular traits from the characters in order to sort of give this...shock value? Not sure that's the word, but in order for us to see how differently bland and miserable everyone's life is this time around, and to do that, they also just, sucked a ton of their characters out right with it. We also have no catharsis, no proper conclusion to the relationships and events of s3, and even though they carry that over, they don't actually give resolution.

The plot also just-and the ENDING-I...okay I need to round back to Five for a second. I'm going to ramble rant about Five for a bit PASSIONATELY so SPOILER ALERT AHEAD, don't read below this if you don't want to see me lay down a quick wall of text about The Boy:

It's not like I don't understand the 'why' of it.

Imagine spending the majority of your life in an apocalypse, eating bugs and learning how to harden your heart and kill as a child, all for the CHANCE at getting back to your family.

Throwing him back into that scenario is like...the mere THOUGHT of that makes me insane with all of the character exploration we could have had and then DIDN'T GET ANY.

Like I can't even fathom the sheer trauma he was going through once they got lost in that subway for more than a couple weeks. He's essentially in his personal hell all over again and this time it's without that hope of his family he had before. Of course he's going to cling to the one person who is there, of course they both would, it's been years. Trauma bonding exists and they both have a lot of it and yes, they are like with their rough edges and independence. So sure, I can understand the 'why' and 'how' of this happening (even if I hate it and it lowkey gives me the ick)

But we didn't even GET the character parts of that. We didn't get any trauma, didn't get any PTSD, didn't get any look into Five's mind and heart there in the subway. This really would have been a perfect opportunity to finally crack all of that wide open, because it's always been brushed off before. But nope.

Instead, an affair with Lila. A rushed sloppy timelapse and then they're a thing now and that's...it? Like the whole point of that was just for them to have this weird relationship and then they came back??

There's a time that he even SEES a younger version of himself in the same apocalypse and he reacts like he isn't even there.

This character who becomes lost without a purpose and is still searching for it, whose flame is uncharacteristically dimmed of the usual fire? Yes. I would like to explore that.

Like I said it's not even necessarily the issue that it could have happened in the beginning but it's his attitude after that really got to me. The entitlement he had to square up to Diego?? The entitlement he had to continue to cling around her when her family is there and the way he's acting...it's like it's just terrible to me.

When Five loves he loves with his whole heart, he devotes everything he has to the people he cares for but once upon a time that used to be his family and like hell if I think he would fist fight Diego for LILA. Diego his brother...Diego whose eyes warmed with such love and relief in the second season when he saw Five at that hospital. Five who sacrificed himself numerous times over to keep them safe.

I get the point is that Five is lost. That his family clearly can't give him what he needs and he's just in some ways given up trying for it. He's-tired and he just wants to rest and have something or someone that he can call his own...but that's definitely not going to be the wife of his brother???? rihgqoirgoais

I just can't swallow this attitude by him in the after bits-and I definitely can't come to terms with the fact that they basically planted him back into his personal nightmare and all that came from that was a rushed love affair. It puts a bitter bitter taste in my mouth he deserved this character exploration, he deserved to actually have his family go try and save him for once-fight for him-show him that they care as much as he's cared for them.

(There is NO slander being thrown to people who like this ship before or after s4, you guys like what you like and that's fantastic. I just have issues with the way it was all handled and I must rant passionately.)

[valentinetypewriter]

Me And My Husband - Chapter 5

Taglist (let me know if you want to be on it: @ashlynnmalfoy @ashisabitgay @rainychaosmiracle @uarmysingularity @lafrone

Series Masterlist

Main masterlist // marauders era masterlist

Summary: Barty is avoiding Y/n who is avoiding Sirius and Remus, teen drama at its best. But what happens when a certain someone's younger brother finds out who hurt his best friend

Warnings: swearing, teenagers are kind of dicks sometimes

Notes: sorry this jumps a lot between different characters, there was a lot of stuff I was excited to add into this chapter

Word count: 2,481

It had been two weeks since the Library incident, meaning it had been two whole weeks since Y/n last spoke to Barty. Though it wasn't by her own choice, no the Ravenclaw seemed to be avoiding her. Which is surprisingly easy when you aren't in the same house and share very few classes. Though Barty wasn't the only one avoiding people. Y/n herself had also been avoiding Sirius and Remus, much to a certain sandy haired boy's annoyance. For two weeks Remus had been trying to apologise to Y/n, which is very hard when said girl does nothing but glare right through him as if he didn't exist. What annoyed Remus more than being ignored by Y/n, was how unhelpful Sirius had been since that night in the library. Sirius had seemed more cruel towards her, making harsh remarks and jokes loud enough for the girl to hear. They always made James and Peter laugh, though Remus knew it was because they didn't understand the severity of their situation. And as much as Remus was angry with Sirius he couldn't pretend he himself was innocent, he was just as cruel to the friends of the poor girl who only wanted to get to know the two.

It was again that time of day when Remus would attempt another apology, he thought even if she didn't really want to accept his apology, It would eventually wear her down enough to do so. People didn't often seem to harbour guilt for things they believed were the right thing to do. So as soon as Remus saw the Slytherin girl he was looking for, and thankfully she was alone, he ran over to her calling out her name, making her stop dead in her tracks. With a roll of her eyes Y/n spun around to come face to face with one of the boys she'd been trying to avoid, unfortunately his constant harassment almost made her want to accept his apology so he'd just leave her alone. “What the hell do you want Lupin?” The girl asked in a cold and flat tone “I wanted to apologies for what happened in the library Y/n, I shouldn't have said any of those things” the girl scoffed at the tall boy “I agree, you definitely shouldn't have ever said those things to my friends, and I still don't forgive you” she turned to leave but stopped at the pathetically miserable noise Remus let out “Look Lupin it's been 14 days and you've apologised 32 times already, that's more than twice a day. So take a hint and leave me the fuck alone”.

She tried to leave, Remus though didn't like that and grabbed her wrist to stop her from leaving. She whipped her head back and tried pulling away from the tall boy “let go of me Lupin” her voice was cold and almost threatening. “Will you please just listen to me Y/n” the girl tried pulling away once more “I told you no, I don't-” Y/n was cut off by the hand around her wrist tightening, it felt as though her wrist would shatter under his grip “ow! Remus let go please, you're hurting me” her voice wavered and cracked, unable to hide her obvious fear of the boy's sudden change in behaviour. Y/n struggled more in his grip before finally getting free from the boy she assumed had major anger issues. “You know what, maybe my mother was right, you dirty half-bloods are all the same, don't try to talk to me again Lupin. I mean it!” Her voice edged away from the fear it held mere seconds ago to an icy and deep tone. Before the tanned boy could say anything else, Y/n turned around and finally walked off, leaving the boy alone and completely gutted.

“Merlin she's such an uptight bitch” Sirius said to the boy next to him, the said ‘uptight bitch’ he was referring to was none other than Y/n L/n. The only reason he was saying those things, was simply because after another rejection, Remus went sulking to his best friend. Said boy was currently buried under his thick blankets, sulking in his own self pity, Sirius never liked when his friends were upset, no matter what caused it. Sirius was also an incredibly impulsive person, which the two didn't mix very well. “You know what if she doesn't want to talk to you that's fine, I don't care anyway what someone like her thinks of either of us” his harsh words were followed by the loud noise of his stomping feet. Remus peeked his head out of his blanket just enough to see what the raven haired boy was up to, Sirius was currently shoving open the large window beside his bed.

The boy moved over to his bed picking up the enchanted green vase sitting on his bedside table, which for the past two weeks had been the only thing keeping the flowers alive. The angry boy made his way back over to the window, looking out before his attention was directed back to Remus “what are you doing?”. Sirius let out an annoyed huff “getting rid of this stupid thing, if she doesn't want to be ‘friends’ then I'm not going to keep some stupid reminder of her next to my bed” and with that he let the flowers drop out of the window, a quiet smash being heard a few seconds later. Sirius seemed to think that if he couldn't see it, it was no longer his problem. With that said and done, and the window now shut, the grey eyed boy left the room, his anger still burning. Remus just stayed laying in his bed staring up at his own vase, a small ache in his chest as he looked at them.

It had been an entire two days since Y/n was last harassed by Remus, it had been a good experience for the girl, quiet and less annoying. Though she couldn't feel too happy about it, she was still unable to get Barty to talk to her. Not even when she asked Evan and Regulus to help her so many times, he just seemed to avoid everyone and everything. It started with just not talking to her and the rest of their friends, then he was skipping a few meals here and there, and then he stopped showing up to the few classes they shared together, and he stopped going to any meals all together. Y/n heart ached for her friend, she only managed to get passing glimpses of him as he walked through the halls, but even from afar she could tell he didn't look good. Barty seemed more sickly looking, his skin was more pale than usual and he had dark bags under his eyes. Another thing she noticed was how his clothes had been seeming more baggy then his usual.

On the other hand the one thing she didn't seem to worry about was how rude Sirius was towards her recently, she couldn't care less about him or his stupid friend. Well that's what she was telling herself, but no matter how many times she thought that it didn't stop the gut wrenching feeling that twisted her stomach when she saw the green vase that once held flowers she gifted to Sirius, shattered against the ground. The once beautiful flowers were now dried up and dead. All she could do was stare at it thinking about how even though she was beyond angry with him, she never once had a thought to get rid of the gift he gave to her. But perhaps she was wrong to think that. Y/n looked down at her hand, the ring she once thought was pretty now left a sour taste in her mouth, she hated Sirius for that.

The next day when James left his room early for quidditch practice, he had tripped up on his way out, only just managing to catch himself on the door. Peter, who was a very light sleeper and woke up when his friend was getting ready, watched James with a slight bit of worry that was mostly covered by joy at watching his best friend ‘almost’ eat shit “you alright there Bambi?” The joy he felt was obvious in his tone “well I'm certainly awake now Pete” the two quietly laughed together, hoping to not wake up the other two sleeping boys. James looked down to the floor to find out what he tripped on, he was expecting it to be the rug that covered the hallway, thinking that it was probably pulled up by their door. What he saw though was what appeared to be a shoe box, the name Sirius written on the lid. The curly haired boy seemed to completely ignore the fact he had quidditch practice in 10 minutes. As he picked the book up off the floor, he brought it into his room and shut the door behind him.

“What's that?” Peter nodded towards the book James held “dunno, it's for Sirius” the two boys looked over at their sleeping friend “reckon we should wake him?” Peter asked unsure about what to do. James considered it for a few seconds before placing the box on the bedside table of said sleeping boy. He gently shook his friend awake “James I swear if you're asking me to come to your practice again, I'll punch you” James laughed at the tired boys insult “no no Siri, there was a box outside our door with your name on it, almost tripped over it” Sirius couldn't help but let out a tired laugh at his friends misery. “What's in the box?” James shrugged, pulling it off the table and handing it over to Sirius, who was now sitting up. Sirius gently opened the box as James watched over his shoulder, the box was filled with deep red tissue paper. Sirius pulled out the first few layers and felt his heart sink into his gut. In the box was a smaller wooden box, the same one decorated with stars he had gifted to Y/n. there was also a single yellow carnation, just starting to wilt around the edges and seemed to droop slightly when held up. But what made the sad feeling in his stomach bubbled into pure dread was the dark green jewellery box, Sirius knew what sat inside, it was obvious. It was decorated with a crest and motto he was all too familiar with ‘Toujours Pur’. A sick part of him hoped it was a joke, that if he opened the box he'd find nothing but a note, explaining how it was just a cruel prank. He clung to that hope as he slid the box open, the beautiful ring seemed to gleam even in the dim room.

“Wow looks like someone has a secret admirer; some kind of trinket, a flower and even an expensive looking ring” James said as his hand landed on Sirius's shoulder. Peter stood up from his desk, walking over to check out the contents of the gift “holy shit that looks incredibly expensive, whoever it was seems to like you a whole lot” James nodded in agreement “yeah I mean not even my dad got mum something that expensive” Sirius just let out a strained laugh, the two boys just assumed he was nervous about the very pricey display of affection. “hmm, yeah that must really like me” with that Sirius packed the stuff back away into the box and slid it under his bed “well it's a Saturday, so I'm going back to sleep, and I, hopefully, won't wake up until mid-day, have a good practice Prongs” the boy threw himself back down onto his bed, pulling the sheet over him. James and Peter shared a smile, unaware of how miserable their friend was.

Though Sirius wasn't the only miserable one, Y/n herself was also sulking. Though instead of inside the confines of her room she was sat on the top floor of the Astronomy tower, no one ever came to a place meant for stargazing during the day, so it meant she would be left alone. Well mostly, the only other person who would ever think to even come here during the day, let alone on the weekend, was Regulus. After all it was the place they met, it was always the place the both of them went to if they were upset about something. Reglus slowly moved towards the crying girl, gently placing his hand on her back as he sat down next to her “oh mon chéri, what's wrong?” His voice was soft and gentle, his hand rubbing up and down against her back to soothe the girl. “It's just Barty still won't talk to me, no matter how hard I try and it's all Sirius's fault” the small boy froze up, his face hardening at the thought of his brother hurting his friend “what did my brother do to him” Y/n sniffled and looked up at Regulus, her sad eyes full of tears “he said such horrible things to him, and so did his stupid half-blood friend Lupin” she wiped her eye before continuing “they called him all sorts of things, like a pathetic Ravenclaw, and a pathetic pureblood, they even had the audacity to call him Evans pet bird” she shook her head “and then Sirius had the brilliant idea to throw out those stupid flowers I got him, and I mean literally, he threw them out of a window I think” Regulus eyebrows furrowed, he was beyond angry, violent thoughts of yelling at his brother filled his mind. “And after that I gave him back that god awful ring, if he can't respect me or my friends, then I simply refuse to marry him”.

The boy's face instantly relaxed as his eyes shot down to Y/n's left hand, and sure enough, the ring was nowhere to be seen. Quickly his thoughts of him yelling at Sirius was replaced by thoughts of his mother, she'd be beyond furious if she found out he ruined the engagement. He was so incredibly angry at Sirius, how dare he hurt two of his best friend's who never did anything to him, how dare he hurt them so much they stopped hanging around each other, that they both stopped smiling as much, that they cried harder than he'd ever seen before. Regulus wanted Sirius to feel the pain his friends felt, and he knew just how to do so. “Don't worry, I'll make sure to take care of him for you alright, he won't hurt you again,I promise Y/n” the young girl leant into his arms, tears starting to pour down her face again.

[review-anon]

Thoughts on Whit Young?

Ah yes best Despair Time boy is here.

Whit is such a good character because at first glance I wasn't sure if I was gonna like him because of the whole love thing, but then it turns out Whit has a massive sense of humour and a love of puns. Is it any other reason he winds up as Emma's son in A Student Out of Time?

But like any good character its not just the laughs as a funny go happy character will last through the first few chapters but when shit gets serious, expect them to die, but Whit can have serious moments which makes me wonder if he's gonna last a lot longer. First up, he's the reason why Charles decided he didn't want to be a member of the Arsehole Quadant, as by standing up for him in Chapter 1's Class Trial, it opens the Chemist up to the idea that teamwork is essential if one is to survive. You don't have to necessarily like somoene but just learn to tolerate and co-exist with them.

He also can read the room and know when something isn't apporiate to say, as while he got David's secret, he didn't say it at first because he was worried David's reputation would tank but when he decided to self-implode anyway, that's when Whit spoke up. Also whenever Charles goes with his lack of tact, its Whit who tells him that it might not be the best approach. In a sense, he's Charles's minder.

But there is reasons to be concerned about him, as we know that he is very much in denial his mother is dead, and he also has a suspecious amount of knowledge on how people can die via hanging. As when everyone was trying to figure out Arei's cause of death, Whit is the one who goes into graphic detail about hanging. While this is a good sign that its more then just the usual suspects contributing to a Class Trial, the fact he knows is a concern. Is it because his mother killed herself via hanging and Whit happened to walk onto that. He was quite quick to make a joke about Arei's death which for someone like him is very out of character. Unless you are suspecting he's trying to not think about his mother's death which Arei's demise reminded him of.

Of course, I can't talk about Whit without addressing the elephant in the room; the theory that the mastermind is Whit Young. Now there is a good deal of evidence and masterminds historically are always who you least suspect to be one, but at the same time, I think Chapter 2 is too early to say if someone is the mastermind. After all if Whit ends up dying in a double death in Chapter 3 (sorry Bubbles I know you hate this cliche but fangans can't get rid of it.) then it kinda throws him being the mastermind out of the window.

I will however say if Whit does become twisted, at least in the ASOOT!Despair Time, you could say Tsumugi did that on purpose to torment Emma.

Overall I like characters who are jolly and fun but also know when to shut up and become serious as this normally means they can last a bit longer. However I fully expect Whit to die a miserable death because hardly any of my favourites survive these games so I just expect them to die.

Can't be dissappointed if you knew they would die.