#and Endgame is the worst (or at least one of them)

[buckys-arm-and-rios-dagger]

Wild that the Russos are responsible for both the best and worst movies in the MCU

[basketonthedoorstepofthefbi]

"anything" - emily prentiss x liaison!fem!reader

summary: you take an unnecessary risk out in the field

wc: 1.4k

cw: flangst? typical cm violence, but mostly just mentions, pre-establish relationship!

this is my first emily fic plz lmk if u like it!

A steady beeping slowly drags you awake. Your eyes flutter open and you take in the hospital room around you. The first thing you notice is the source of the beeping, from the patient monitor beside your bed. Then the pain hits you like a muffled train wreck, crashing into you but hitting a wall, so it doesn’t hurt quite so bad. They must have you on some strong medication, because it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as you thought it would. The worst feeling of all, though, comes from your abdomen, and when you shift in the bed, it aches and this weak little whimper uncontrollably escapes you. 

“Don’t move,” the velvet voice beside you warns. You didn’t even realize Emily was in here, that’s how knocked out you feel. When you turn your head, you see she’s got the chair pulled up as close to your bed as it can go, her elbows connected to her knees in a C-shaped hunch. “You’ll pop your stitches, and it still wouldn’t be the stupidest thing you’ve done today.”

You hear the sternness in your girlfriend’s voice and feel the color drain from your face. She always said you could never control your face, at least not around the people you love. In family interviews, or talking to the press? You could be stone-cold, unreadable. But once you’re comfortable around someone, your visage has a mind of its own. 

“I’m-”

“I know, you’re sorry,” Emily scoffs. Her voice reminds you of bitter, dark chocolate right now. She’s clearly irritated, but remains by your side loyally. That’s how you know she loves you. “That doesn’t change the fact that you made a thoughtless, reckless decision.” 

“I was actually going to say that I’m not sorry,” you huff, groaning softly as you move your rear back to sit up a little. Emily leans back in her seat and her jaw hardens. “Maybe I did act on impulse, but you would have done the same thing.” 

“You disobeyed Hotch’s direct order to stay put,” Emily’s chocolate eyes darken, and she rises from her seat, towering over you with her arms crossed over her chest. “And it got you shot.”

“I thought you were in trouble,” you grumble, your voice just barely above a whisper. 

“Excuse me?” 

“You and Hotch and Morgan all went in different directions, and I heard a scream and a gunshot from where you had gone,” you rattle off, your words all stringing together from the drowsiness. 

You recalled the vast farmland property where Garcia had nailed down the Unsub, how Hotchner didn’t want to wait on SWAT to show up because the guy’s endgame was so close to playing out. He killed at exactly noon with every single one of his victims, so the team had three minutes to find this missing girl. 

“And I couldn’t just stay put, Emily, not when I thought you’d been hurt,” you wring your hands over the top of the scratchy hospital blanket, your knuckles going stark white. “I couldn’t just wait to see what had happened. I couldn’t be helpless like that, not when I thought you might be hurt.” 

Emily’s got her eyes closed and she’s breathing in and out sharply, like she’s forcing herself to calm down, to filter through her initial thoughts so as to not say anything irreversible. “But Hotch told you to stay put,” she repeats in a defeated murmur, lifting one arm to run her hand through her hair. Her fringe is all over the place, and you’re just now noticing the dirt on her milky white cheek. She’s not rested since the farm, you realize, not even taken a second to wipe the dirt off her face. 

Guilt pours over you like a rainstorm, and you feel angry, frustrated, self-reproaching tears well up in your eyes, but you refuse to let them fall. “I didn’t do it to scare you,” you whisper. “I’m sorry, Em. I’m sorry that you had to worry about me like that. But I’d do it again in a heartbeat if it meant knowing that you were okay.” 

“Don’t Em me,” her voice cracks and you see tears start to fall from her eyes. She must be so tired. You don’t know how long you’ve been out, but you can tell from her posture, from her expression, that she’s not had a moment of respite since she saw the bullet take you down. 

You recall the look on her face - horrified, when she hovered over you, lying in the dirt. She shot the Unsub directly after he shot you. Hotch and Morgan made it in time to help the victim out of her ties, so she ran over to you the second the Unsub was down. 

“What were you thinking?!” she shrieked, lifting your shirt only to find blood oozing from the hole in your stomach. 

“I thought…” you murmured breathlessly, your eyes immediately feeling heavy. 

“Someone get a medic over here now!” she shouted, holstering her gun and pressing her hands onto your stomach. You woke up in the ambulance a little bit after that, but were too hazy to say anything. 

All you remember is Emily crushing your hand between both of yours and muttering something under her breath repeatedly. "Stay with me, baby." You hear it now. "Please don't go."

You reach gingerly for her hand as she stands over you now, unable to stretch your arm out too far for fear of popping a stitch. She helps you out and shuffles forward a step, sitting back down in her chair and pulling it next to the bed. Your fingers grasp hers, and then your palms are flush together. “I’m still really pissed at you,” Emily says. “So is Hotch. Says he has half a mind to take you off active duty altogether.” 

You purse your lips. Surely that’s not totally true. “Well, then he’d have to deal with the press on his own, and he’d want to rip his hair out,” you say. Emily squeezes your hand and you squeeze back. 

“I think he’d do it if it mitigates the risk of you getting shot,” Emily admits seriously. 

“It’s just a graze,” you grumble. Emily’s glowering at you again, and you concede. “A graze that required emergency surgery, but still a graze.” 

“Baby, I don’t think you know what a graze is,” Emily says. “They had to remove a bullet from your stomach. That’s not a graze.” 

You feel your cheeks tingle as they turn pink and you shrug your shoulders, pretending to be none the wiser. “Tomato, tomahto,” you wave your free hand nonchalantly. 

“You feel okay right now? D’you need any more pain meds?” Emily asks, the caretaker in her taking over, despite her frustration towards you getting into this situation in the first place. 

“I’m alright,” you say quietly. Emily’s eyes, beautiful orbs of brown so dark they’re almost black, float down to where your wound is. “Em, hey,” you insist, and those eyes snap back up to yours. “I’m alright. Promise.”

“You’re an idiot, is what you are,” Emily chastises with a sigh. 

“How long are they keeping me here?” you ask in a feeble attempt to change the subject. 

“Probably just a couple of days,” she says, lifting your knuckles to her lips and kissing them gently, like you’re made of fine china, like you could shatter at any moment. “Everyone wants to see you. I told them you probably wouldn’t be up for visitors until tomorrow,” she says. 

“That’s fine,” you agree, leaning your head back against the pillow. Whatever medications flowing through the IV in your wrist has you feeling very low-energy. “And how long are you gonna be mad at me?” you ask, sticking your bottom lip out a little in an attempt to earn some sympathy points. 

Emily shakes her head a little, but you see the faint uptick of her mouth that gives her away. “At the very least, however long it takes you to recover,” she jokes halfheartedly. 

“Does my punishment come with a ban on kisses?” you ask, tugging her hand with your own. 

Emily leans forward in her seat, her lips mere centimeters from your own. “That would be a punishment for me, too, and I didn’t do anything wrong,” she teases, then pecks your lips briefly. 

Your eyes are feeling heavy, and you heave a small sigh. “Love you, Em,” you say softly as the room goes dark. “Do anything for you, Em.” 

“I know you would, baby,” Emily sighs as well, but you feel her thumb swiping over the back of your hand. “That’s the problem.”

[shaunamilfman]

never saw you coming

Summary: "You knew when you started dating Jackie that Shauna came along with the territory, but you hadn't quite realized how present she was going to be. Most people would get annoyed at the constant third wheeling, but you aren't most people. You weren't sure when your relationship with Jackie had crossed the line into a relationship with Jackie and Shauna, but you thought it might have something to do with first time you fucked Jackie in front of her."

A/N: jackieshauna x r endgame obviously. theres smut but definitely a lot more plot than you'd think.

The first time Jackie had brought Shauna along to your date you figured that you’d just gotten your wires crossed somewhere; Hell, she’d even had Shauna drive her to your house to pick you up. You’d paid for all three of your tickets, as strange as it was you did invite her out, which seemed to please Jackie. She’d held on tightly to your arm the whole time, quickly lacing your fingers together, but you were constantly aware of Shauna glaring a hole in the side of your head. 

As if dealing with Shauna's glares during the movie wasn't enough you had to put up with Shauna's snickering as you climbed in the back of her stupid two-door car. Jackie slapped lightly at Shauna's arm as she told her off for laughing, but Shauna didn't seem all that deterred. Shauna held her hands out placatingly as she gave Jackie an innocent look, but she couldn't stop the way her lips twitched as she tried to keep from smiling. 

Despite the way you flushed at Shauna's laughter you couldn't help but enjoy their bickering as Shauna drove. Shauna caught your eye in the rearview mirror to share a fond look as Jackie gave one of the worst takes on a movie you've ever heard, completely missing the point of it all. 

Shauna has a nice voice, You thought. She was much prettier when she didn't look like she was contemplating your imminent death. 

You'd taken the chance to switch to the front seat as Jackie insisted on being dropped off first. It would leave you in the uncomfortable predicament of sitting next to Shauna, but she'd at least stopped glaring at you since the movie ended. Jackie had given you a fond smile when you stumbled out of the car after her, placing a hand on your arm to steady you. 

It seemed unlikely, you thought you had been very clear when asking her out, but maybe she just hadn’t realized that it was a date. You figured you’d just talk to her about it the next time you saw her. You were quickly disavowed of that notion when she pulled you down by the collar of your shirt to kiss you goodbye. She pulled away and sauntered up to her front door leaving you star-struck in Shauna’s car. You sat in complete silence the entire way home, staring out the window as Shauna watched you contemplatively. Shauna had even seemed surprisingly sincere when she'd told you to have a good night as she dropped you off at home. 

The second time Jackie brought Shauna you figured she just didn’t feel comfortable alone with you. After all, you didn’t know each other all that well. The third, fourth, and fifth times Jackie brought Shauna along you finally just assumed she was a part of the package and started accommodating for a third person in your outings.

You knew it was strange that Jackie insisted on bringing her best friend along– she'd been quite insistent that best friends was the extent of their relationship when you had asked in one of your rare moments alone– but there were very few things you wouldn't put up with for the opportunity to date Jackie Taylor. 

The way her smile had lit up her entire face when you accommodated Shauna's food allergy when you'd made them dinner was payment enough. That had even garnered you a soft smile from Shauna herself, just a hint of the affection she usually reserved for Jackie shining in her eyes. 

That was another thing you had noticed, all those loving glances the two of them shared. You don’t think you’ve ever seen two people seem more in love, and yet they didn’t even seem to know about it. You wondered idly what Shauna even thought she was so angry at you for if not for dating Jackie. You also knew that Jackie honestly loved you separate from her feelings for Shauna. You were conflicted for a while as you mulled over the information, but ultimately you decided that the only thing better than one hot girlfriend was two. You were practically dating both of them already even if you only got to fool around with Jackie. It was a win-win for everyone involved.

You knew you had to tread very lightly with this decision: it was better to make Jackie think it was her idea. You’d just have to lead the horse to water.

…

Shauna glares over at you as you sip the last of your drink through your straw, purposely sucking noisily at the air knowing how much it annoys her. Your lips quirk up in a smile even as Jackie lightly taps you on the arm. “I’m gonna get another drink,” You tell Jackie, lightly pushing against her leg. She shakes her head, giving you a flirty smile as she shifts further into your lap to cement her seat. God, she was so good at being annoying when she wanted to. You glance up at the movie she’s made the three of you watch, making sure nothing important is happening as you sit your drink down on the end table. 

You slide your arms under Jackie, lifting her up as you move her over to Shauna’s lap instead. She scoffs with an offended look on her face, but Shauna just shrugs and moves her head to peer around Jackie’s shoulder. You can feel Jackie’s eyes on you as you pick your drink back up, following you all the way to the kitchen where you finally disappear from view. You pop open another can and quickly pour it, not wanting to miss anything. You’d shout from the rooftops about how much you hate Jackie’s dumb romcoms, and yet every time you found yourself glued to the TV.

You take your seat on the couch back, Jackie’s pout still firmly in place as she pretends not to look at you. You hold your arm out for her but she huffs and shakes her head. Shauna rolls her eyes and moves Jackie off her lap to sit between you. Jackie looks back at Shauna with a betrayed look. Shauna, for her part, just shrugs. 

“You can have her if you want,” You offer Shauna, playfully pressing against Jackie’s shoulder to lean her against Shauna. Shauna grins as she shakes her head, pushing her back against you. 

“No, really,” You insist, pushing Jackie back. Jackie’s gone limp as you pass her back and forth between you, eyes blown wide as you bargain with each other to take her as if she isn’t there. 

You put an end to the manhandling when Jackie starts to get whiney about it, pulling her back into your lap as if nothing ever happened as you turn back to the movie. Jackie’s arm wraps tightly around you, and the shaky feeling of her quick breaths against your neck tells you that Jackie might have enjoyed that in ways you weren’t expecting. You give her a questioning glance and she flushes before burying her face in your neck to hide. You rub your hand against her back absentmindedly as you give a curious-looking Shauna a shrug. Jackie’s weird sometimes, you suppose. 

… 

Despite your thoughts about opening up your relationship, you couldn’t help but quietly seethe in anger as Shauna cock-blocks you yet again. You wouldn’t mind that she was sleeping over in Jackie's bed, again, and spooning Jackie, again, if it wasn’t for how fucking smug she looks doing it. You weren’t sure why Shauna was suddenly deciding to fuck with you like this, you honestly wouldn’t have thought anything of it if she didn’t purposely try to provoke you about it. You so desperately want to know what she’s thinking in moments like these if she truly feels like she needs to compete with you for Jackie.

You’ve seen her act the same way with Jackie more and more as she tries to compete with her for your attention, but Jackie never seems to notice what Shauna’s doing. Shauna drapes herself over your lap before Jackie has the chance to and Jackie just gives her a wide smile as she sits next to you instead, leaning her head against your shoulder as she talks about her day. 

Shauna laces your fingers together and Jackie just grabs your other hand, completely unaware of the look of frustration on Shauna’s face. You’d almost find it funny that Shauna doesn’t realize that Jackie could never be jealous of her if only it wasn’t so sad. You’ve made an effort to include Shauna more in an attempt to put the idea in Jackie’s mind, but it only seems to heighten Shauna’s need for attention from both of you.

You know this is something you’re going to need to address soon or Shauna was going to do something desperate, but you didn’t really know how to have that kind of conversation. They both seem so oblivious to their feelings for each other that you’re not even sure they’d understand your concerns if you brought them up. It would just have to wait till the morning, You thought sleepily. Your eyes slip shut as the exhaustion of the day finally catches up to you.

You’re woken up by gentle shaking a few hours later, eyes blinking open blearily to see Jackie’s flushed face staring at you. She’s slipped away from Shauna at some point, shifting closer to you in her sleep. You smile sleepily at the thought, eyes slipping shut again. “Y/N.” Jackie whispers insistently. You groan quietly as you grieve the idea of getting a full eight hours of sleep, eyes opening again as you give her your full attention.

Now that you're wide awake you find yourself far more interested in what Jackie has to tell you, recognizing the look on her face. “Jackie,” You draw out, a faint look of amusement crossing your face.

“Shut up,” She mutters, but you’re overcome with fondness at the way she squirms in embarrassment. “Had a dream.”

“Mhm. I can see that,” You murmur teasingly. “What was your dream about then?”

“It was about you… and me… and we were… you know,” She trails off, flushing as she looks at you expectantly. 

“I'm afraid I don't know.”

Jackie sighs, giving you a look as if to say are you really going to make me say it? and you just grin in response. 

“You were touching me and someone was watching,” She says so quietly that you can barely make it out. 

“Someone?” You ask, already having an idea of just who this someone was.

“No one in particular, just someone,” Jackie murmurs quickly, not able to meet your eyes. You roll your eyes at the denial. Whatever. 

“Did they like watching you?” You ask, pushing gently against her shoulder to lay her on her back. You slip your fingers up her shirt, fingertips running lightly against her stomach. 

“Yeah,” She breathes out quietly, sighing at your touch. “Sha- she liked it. She kept talking to me, asking questions.” You hum in understanding, glancing over at Shauna to make sure she's still asleep. She's lying on her side facing you, which is a little nerve-wracking, but her eyes are closed and her breathing is even enough to reassure you as you slip your fingers beneath the waistband of Jackie's panties. 

Jackie inhales sharply as she glances over at Shauna, her thighs clenching shut reflexively around your hand. “Don't look at her. Look at me,” You murmur. Jackie slowly turns her head back, but you know she's resisting the urge to check back on Shauna again. There’s something about the look on her face that intrigues you, but you have things you’d much rather be doing.

You trail your fingertips through her wetness, rubbing a teasing circle around her clit only to choke back your laugh as her hips jump into your hand. The both of you hold still, looking carefully over at Shauna. Reassuring yourself that Shauna’s still asleep you slide your hand down to slip a finger inside of her. You're met by Jackie’s surprised squeak as she clenches around you.

“Quiet, Jackie,” You tease. “Don't want to wake Shauna up do you?” Jackie whines at the comment, hips jumping up. You laugh softly. “Like that idea, do you?” Jackie worries her lip between her teeth as she shakes her head, but she shifts closer to bury her head in your shoulder nonetheless. 

You weren't sure what you were going to say after that, probably another teasing comment that you knew she’d enjoy, but you're left speechless as you meet Shauna's eyes over Jackie's shoulder. Normally you'd apologize profusely for doing something like that in front of her, but you hesitate at the desperate look on Shauna's face as she watches how tightly Jackie's thighs squeeze around your hand. You knew Jackie well enough to know she wouldn't mind sharing this moment with Shauna– knew that she wouldn't mind sharing anything with Shauna–and Shauna herself was certainly not opposed to the idea, which left it up to you. Shauna has been such a brat all afternoon that the idea of wiping that smug grin off her face gives you a heady rush. 

You’d stilled long enough in shock that Jackie began to whine in protest as she clenched her hand in your shirt. You laugh softly in her ear, pressing an apologetic kiss against the side of her head as you resume the movement. You catch Shauna’s eyes, a smile slowly lifting the corners of your mouth as she finds herself unable to look away from you. You touch Jackie the same way you always do, just the way she likes, but you find yourself doing it more and more for Shauna’s benefit. You savor the way her eyes keep darting down Jackie’s body, a hungry look on her face as she watches the way your hand flexes against the fabric of Jackie’s panties. 

Shauna inevitably meets your eyes again, unable to keep herself away for too long at a time. 

You’d give anything in this moment to know what she’s thinking as she watches Jackie get fucked right in front of her. You certainly had an idea of what Shauna was feeling, her eyes blown wide with arousal as her thighs ever so subtly clenched together. She’s so careful not to let Jackie know she’s awake, so afraid that Jackie will take it from her.

You break eye contact to look down at Jackie as you slip a second finger in on an outstroke. Jackie releases a muffled moan in approval, biting down on your shirt as she tries and fails to keep herself quiet. You truly had no idea how Jackie was convincing herself that Shauna was still asleep as loud as she was, but you didn’t dwell on it for long. Normally you would take your time with her, enjoying the frustrated sounds she’d make as you worked her up far too slowly for her tastes, but you knew you could only keep Jackie from realizing Shauna was watching for so long. You grind the palm of your hand against her clit, enjoying the quiet noise of surprise as her body jerks.

You can practically feel the weight of Shauna’s gaze but you pay her no mind as you focus on your girlfriend, knowing from experience that she’s getting close as she starts actively rolling her hips. She’s practically balled your shirt up in her hands with how tightly she’s holding it, trying to pull you even closer as if any distance between the two of you was unbearable to her. “That’s it, Jackie. You’re being so good for me,” You murmur against her ear. She shivers at the heat of your breath, nodding her head against your shoulder.

“Tell me,” She pleads. You smile knowingly. 

“Come for me, Jackie?”

Jackie falls over the edge with a muffled whine, biting hard at your shirt as she tries to keep herself quiet. You slow your hand down as she finally catches her breath, hips stilling as she pulls her head away from your shoulder to look at you. Her legs shake around your hand, her whole body shuddering as you pull your hand back and let her waistband snap against her. Jackie exhales shakily, face red from where she buried it in your shoulder. 

Jackie relaxes against the bed long enough that you think that she’s probably fallen asleep till she starts sitting up. You watch her curiously as she climbs over you to get off the bed, losing interest as she murmurs the word bathroom on her way out. 

You’d almost forgotten about Shauna as you focused on Jackie, but her sudden shifting reminds you of her presence. You laugh softly as her thighs press tightly together, almost desperate for the friction. “Jackie will be back soon,” You remind her, not looking very sorry about it. Shauna gives you a weak glare, but she still seems a little too affected by everything that’s happened to put any real heat into it. 

You shift closer towards her, raising your fingers to her mouth in offering. Shauna immediately stills as her eyes focus on them; They’re still wet from Jackie, nearly glistening in the light from the street. Shauna hesitates for just a moment, glancing up at you to see what you’re thinking. 

You smile softly and that seems to be all it takes as Shauna immediately envelops them in her mouth. She moans at the taste, tongue immediately circling your fingers as she cleans Jackie completely off you. You gasp as she digs her tongue into the web of your fingers, taking them so deep into her mouth that you’re nearly overwhelmed by the warmth.

Your eyes narrow as the smug look comes back on her face. Shauna makes a shocked noise as your hand moves, palm resting against her chin as you press your fingers down against her tongue. She seems surprised, but certainly not averse to it. She opens her mouth wider as you start exploring it, fingertips rubbing against the top of her teeth as you pull out completely to cup her face with your hand. You’re not sure what was going to happen next, but as the sound of a door opening down the hallway sounds you know you need to stop.

Jackie quietly walks into the room, climbing back over you and collapsing a bit too roughly on the bed was Shauna is actually still asleep. Jackie reaches blindly for your hand to lace your fingers together, but jerks her hand away as she pulls your hand closer to her face to examine it.

“Ew,” Jackie whines disgustedly as she wipes your spit-covered fingers off on your shirt. “You got it on me.”

You scoff. “You don’t complain when-” You start, but Jackie clamps her hand over your mouth. She shakes her head, glancing nervously at Shauna.

Jackie giggles suddenly, turning back to face you with a wide grin on her face. “Did you know Shauna drools?” She asks. You look up, and sure enough, her face is still wet with her own saliva. You shake with silent laughter, burying your head in Jackie’s shoulder as you desperately try to keep in. Shauna was going to be so mad at you in the morning for this. 

You catch your breath after a while, pulling your head back to look at a slightly confused Jackie. 

You just shake your head, smile still splitting your face. “We good to sleep now, Jackie?” You ask softly. 

“Love you,” Jackie murmurs sleepily, the both of you tensing in surprise as the words leave her mouth. She opens her mouth, probably to walk it back before you interrupt.

“I love you too.”

“Yeah?” Jackie asks softly, eyes cracking open to look up at you. You’re nearly breathless at the look of affection she gives you, a gentle smile despite the look of exhaustion on her face. You're not quite sure what she’s tired for, considering she didn’t really do much of anything, but you nod before leaning down and kissing her. You pull away after a moment as you let Jackie adjust the both of you until she finds a comfortable position to sleep in, pulling your arm firmly over her body. You can hear Shauna’s shaky exhale, making Jackie tense in anxiety before slowly relaxing as Shauna stays quiet.

You close your eyes, holding Jackie tightly as the gentle movements of her breathing lull you back to sleep once again.

…

“Y/N,” Jackie says with a hint of frustration. You glance up suddenly as she pulls you out of your thoughts. She’s standing by the side of the couch and doesn’t seem too pleased with you.

“Yeah?” You ask guiltily, realizing that she's probably been trying to talk to you for a while. You’d been pretty distracted thinking about last night and she’s obviously been trying to get your attention.

“You weren’t listening,” She accuses, glancing over at Shauna to back her up. Shauna, for her part, is sitting on the far side of the couch fidgeting as she can’t seem to find a comfortable position to sit in. She looks up but can’t meet your eye, instead looking at Jackie. Shauna shrugs at Jackie’s question, fiddling with the cuff of her flannel. Shauna’s been thinking about last night too, leaving Jackie oblivious to the tension. As Shauna shifts in her seat again, you suddenly notice the way she’s been rubbing her thighs together.

“I’m sorry, Jackie,” You murmur, pressing a kiss against her fingertips. Jackie pouts down at you, but you can tell she was pleased by the kiss. She always loves it when you make her feel like a princess. You press a kiss against each of her knuckles, ignoring Shauna’s scoff as you make your way up her hand. Jackie’s grin splits her face by the time 

“I asked when you wanted to leave for our date. We’ve got to drop Shauna off, remember?” She asks. You look over at Shauna who almost seems relieved at the answer. You’re sure there are a lot of things she’d like to be doing with the memory of last night so fresh on her mind.

You hum in consideration, as if deep in thought before suggesting “How about we take Shauna with us?” Jackie’s face immediately lights up, bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement as she looks over at a slightly dismayed Shauna. 

Shauna laughs nervously, knowing more than anyone how difficult it is to tell Jackie no. “I mean I’d love to bu-”

“Great!” Jackie says, clapping her hands together. “It’s a date then!” Shauna gives you a sour look as she slumps back against the couch.

“Why don’t you tell her what we’re doing today while I go get ready?” Jackie presses a quick kiss against your head as she passes by and climbs into Shauna’s lap like usual. Jackie was always very touchy, not that either of you ever complained, but it seems to be biting Shauna in the ass as of this moment. Shauna squirms beneath her, the weight of Jackie sitting on top of her far too much with her mind still on the last day's events. Shauna glares at you over Jackie’s head as Jackie goes on about all the shops you were heading to today. You wink at Shauna as you head out of the room.

…

You'd put a lot of the blame for the lack of communication on Jackie and Shauna, yet you've found yourself to be a huge part of the problem recently. You promised yourself you would finally talk to Jackie and Shauna about the state of your relationship, frankly it was getting ridiculous at this point, but the moment just never seems right. There was no shortage of moments when you should have spoken up, but something always seemed to get in the way. You'd think it was funny if it wasn't getting so irritating. 

The first time you considered saying something was when you caught Shauna writing in her journal. You wouldn't normally consider that anything of note, but she kept glancing over at the hand you'd used on Jackie and flushing slightly as she quickly glanced away. You watched in vague amusement as she filled pages and pages with whatever she was writing about. You opened your mouth to comment on it, but Jackie flopped down in the seat across from you ranting about her math teacher before you could. You nodded along to Jackie's rant, deciding to bring it up another time.

The next time you considered saying something was when you caught Jackie and Shauna whispering and giggling as they leaned against each other in the locker room, both of them in various states of undress. You watched as Jackie's hand trailed the side of Shauna's stomach in a decidedly non-platonic manner as Shauna stuttered over her sentence. They sprang apart guiltily the second they saw you, both of them hurriedly getting changed. That definitely would have been a good time to speak up, but as the rest of the team started filing into the locker room you let the moment pass by. 

You considered saying something as you caught the jealous look on Shauna's face as you kissed Jackie goodbye in her doorway, Shauna's eyes following the way your fingers traced the side of Jackie's face. Maybe you should have said something at Jackie's shuddering breath as she noticed Shauna had been watching. But then Jackie pressed a quick kiss against lips and walked inside with a rushed “I love you.”

Maybe you should have spoken up as Jackie sat in your lap watching someone flirt with Shauna with an unreadable look on her face, but you were too busy glaring at him to realize Jackie was focused on it too. Shauna seemed almost surprised when she caught the two of you looking at her. She didn't seem all that interested in what he was saying, you don't even think she was listening to him, but her lips quirked up with a hint of a smirk at the twin looks of jealousy on your and Jackie's faces. 

You were definitely ready to talk about it then, on the verge of moving Jackie off your lap and storming across the room. Jackie snaps out of it at the look on Shauna's face and gently cups your chin as she turns your face to kiss you in full view of Shauna. It was petty bullshit, you were more than aware, but there was a reason you got along so well with the two of them. 

You rested your hands against Jackie's hips as she shifted to straddling you, catching Shauna's eyes over her shoulder as Jackie attached her lips to your neck. Shauna watched intently as she held her drink up to her mouth to hide her expression, no longer even pretending to listen to that man talk. You should have spoken about it then, but then Jackie bit gently at your neck and you were much more preoccupied with other things. 

Needless to say, you were growing more and more annoyed by the situation, but you couldn't even be that mad anymore knowing that you were now part of the problem. You groan in frustration, burying your head in your hands. Shauna looks up in shock from her notebook, pen hovering above the page as she looks you over. She caps her pen as she shuts her journal, sliding both of them into her bag. She puts a hand on your arm as she asks, “Y/N?

You're startled by the interruption of your thoughts, slowly lowering your arms from your face. She laces your fingers together after a moment of hesitation, squeezing gently in a comforting motion. “What's wrong?” She asks gently. You're almost in awe as you look at her. You knew she was more than capable of being sweet, but you've never had this kind of attention from her. It was usually directed at Jackie.

You want to put everything on the table immediately, but you know her well enough to know that she wouldn't react well to this conversation on her own. “Nothing, Shauna. Just a bad test grade,” You lie. 

Her eyes narrow slightly but she seems to let it go. “It's not about…” She trails off awkwardly. 

You shake your head, quick to assure her. “No, no. It's not about that night,” You promise. Shauna flushes at the reminder but looks down at the table as she nods. She opens her mouth to say something else, but Jackie slides into the seat next to her. 

“What are we talking about?” Jackie asks in feigned excitement, not sparing your linked hands a second glance. You knew the look on her face well enough to know she had a headache coming on. Obviously so did Shauna, who pulled her hand away from you to rummage through her bag for some Tylenol. 

“Coach again?” You ask. Jackie groans, shaking her head. 

“Don't even say his name,” She mutters, dry swallowing the Tylenol and pressing a kiss against Shauna's cheek in thanks. Shauna glances over at you to see your reaction, but you don't seem to have noticed as you continue to talk to Jackie about her meeting with coach. 

Shauna sighs. 

…

You're getting ready for bed after Shauna had left, a rare night in which her mother insisted on her being home for once. When you catch Jackie staring at you and quickly looking away at her nails for the third time in the last five minutes you sigh loudly enough that she glances back up. 

You give her a knowing look that she seems surprised at as if she thought she was being really subtle with her glances. “Is there something you want to talk about Jackie?” You prompt, looking expectant as you climb onto the bed to sit next to her.

Jackie pouts as she asks, “How did you know?” You flop back on the bed with a groan, lifting your hands up to cover your face. “Was it that obvious?” She gently tugs your hand away from your face, lacing your fingers together. You make a dramatic showing of looking at her, and then looking away, and repeat it a few times until she lightly smacks you on the arm and giggles. 

“Maybe it was a little obvious,” She admits. You laugh. A little?

“Fine! It was very obvious. Kick a girl while she’s down,” Jackie complains, but her voice betrays her happiness. “It was just… Lately, Shauna’s been around a lot more,” She pauses as she considers what to say.

“Not that she hasn’t always been around,” She rushes to add, closely watching you as if trying to read your mind. “It’s been different lately, don’t you think?”

“Different?” You ask slowly, a hint of excitement entering your voice. Was she finally going to admit it? Thank god.

“What we did at the party,” Jackie says, “I didn’t know why I was so jealous. I mean I was there with my girlfriend so why would I care if Shauna had someone? Thought I could prove to myself that I just wanted attention but it didn’t work.” She looks frustrated at herself as she speaks, and you gently squeeze her hand to bring her back to the moment.

She squeezes back before letting go of your hand entirely, shifting so that she can lay on top of you instead. She buries her head in your shoulder, voice muffled and barely comprehensible as she asks, “I didn’t realize it then, but you were looking at her too weren’t you?” 

You start gently rubbing your fingertips against her scalp, making Jackie melt against you as you consider your response. “I was jealous too,” You say finally, “I didn’t like it when she was talking to someone else, even if it wasn’t fair of me.”

“Was she watching?” Jackie asks slowly. “When we were…”

“She was,” You say carefully. “She looked jealous too.”

“Do you… Do you think that maybe she would– I mean if you also want,” Jackie says quickly, stumbling over her words in a bit of a panic.

“Relax, Jackie,” You say softly. “I know she would, and so do I.”

“You can’t know for sure,” Jackie says. Your hand stills guiltily in her hair as you clear your throat nervously. Jackie quickly pulls away from you, rising up to her knees to straddle you as she looks down at you with a suspicious expression. “Do you know something I don’t?” She says, sickly sweet and on the verge of a threat.

“Do you remember when you had that dream and we–” You start but are quickly interrupted by Jackie.

“Yes,” She says slowly, a look of dawning realization on her face. 

“Shauna was awake,” You say quickly, just wanting to rip the bandage off.

Jackie pauses, suddenly looking a little embarrassed. “You knew about that?”

You gasp. “You knew about that?”

“She breathes differently when she’s asleep,” Jackie says dismissively as if that's a normal thing that normal people know. Right.

“If you knew she was watching, why didn’t you say anything?”

Jackie shrugs and she offers. “She’s Shauna, and we talked about it later. Why didn’t you say anything?”

You grin. “She’s Shauna.”

Jackie laughs softly, hand resting against the bed next to your head as she leans closer to your face. “She liked it?” She asks finally.

“She did,” You confirm quickly, nearly rolling your eyes at the pleased look that immediately crosses Jackie’s face. “I let her taste you,”

Jackie makes a squeaking noise, facing flushing a bright red as she sputters above you. “Is that– Is that why her face was wet?” She asks dumbfoundedly. She pauses, her embarrassment slowly turning into something else the longer she thinks about it. 

She stumbles over her words as she manages to get out, “She… her mouth… your fingers?”

“Is that what you want to focus on?” You ask patiently, resting your hands affectionately against Jackie’s hips.

“Yes. No. Later,” Jackie decides quickly, looking a little unsure as she continues. “I like Shauna, Shauna likes us, and you like Shauna?”

You laugh, giving her an amused grin. Leave it to Jackie Taylor to ask the obvious. “I like Shuana, yes.” 

“Don’t laugh at me,” She whines, leaning down to place a kiss against your lips. She giggles as you try to chase her as she pulls away, gently pressing you down with a hand against your shoulder.

“I’ll talk to Shauna.” Jackie nods decisively, squeezing gently at your shoulder. “She’d take it better coming from me don’t you think?” Jackie pauses. “Or maybe we don’t tell her just yet.”

You groan in frustration but Jackie quickly shushes you and continues, “Hear me out, hear me out. Shauna knew that both of us knew and didn’t tell either of us. Maybe we leave out some information for once?” You laugh softly, rolling your eyes.

She’s so petty. You nod. Jackie smiles affectionately as she leans down to kiss you again.

…

You reach a hand out as Shauna walks up to take a seat on the couch next to you and lightly grasp at her arm, tugging her towards you like you would if she was Jackie. She stumbles back into your lap as you wrap your arms around her waist and rest your head on her shoulder. 

“Y/N?” She asks softly, seeming confused.

“I missed you last night,” You say quietly against her ear. She shudders at the feeling, shifting uncomfortably in your lap.

“Jackie was there,” She refutes. She seems surprised at the position but doesn’t make any move to get up. She tentatively relaxes the longer you go without commenting, letting you hold her tighter as she leans further against you.

“You know,” You say. “You’re looking really hot today.” Shauna glances around as if looking for Jackie before she finally realizes you’re talking to her.

“I… I do?” She asks, an equal mixture of pleased and confused. 

“Not that you don’t always look hot, but this is really working for you,” You murmur, gently running a finger across the sliver of her stomach that her shirt exposes. Shauna gasps softly, almost arching into your hand before her embarrassment catches up to her. She stills immediately and you can feel her blush against the side of your face.

“Don’t be embarrassed, Shauna. Jackie and I are always talking about how good you look in this shirt,” You say, quickly stopping the grin that threatens to expose you as Shauna inhales sharply.

“You do? You and Jackie talk about me?” She asks, pretending like she isn’t interested in the answer. 

You shrug as if the answer doesn’t matter, changing the conversation to something else. You can practically feel Shauna’s irritation at this topic change, but she doesn’t acknowledge it as she reluctantly allows it. Shauna tenses at the sound of the door opening, scrambling to try to get off your lap but you just hold her tighter. 

She watches Jackie wearily, grunting in surprise when Jackie happily wraps her arms around the both of you as she effectively squeezes Shauna in between your bodies. Shauna's practically squirming in your lap at this, springing up the second Jackie pulls away. She stumbles to her feet with her hair messy, her face flushed, and her expression unreadable. 

Jackie sits down on the far side of the couch as she talks aimlessly about her day, leaving a disgruntled-looking Shauna to sit between you. You and Jackie share an amused look behind Shauna's head. Jackie gently tugs on Shauna’s shoulder, trying to get her to lay her head down on her lap. Shauna glances at you suspiciously before quickly shaking her head. You’ve seen Jackie and Shauna lay all over each other in far more intimate positions, so you know she suspects something is up. Shauna has always been a smart girl, quick on the draw, so you knew you wouldn’t be able to get one over on her for long.

“Shauna,” Jackie whines, pouting at her. “Please?” Shauna may be a smart girl, but even smart girls are not immune to the whims of Jackie Taylor. Shauna holds out for an admirable 30 seconds before she sighs, shifting to lay her head in Jackie’s lap. She shuffles awkwardly trying to find a comfortable position for the rest of her body before you pull her legs up and into your lap. Shauna lies stiffly across the both of you, arms resting against her chest as she takes the position in.

You can’t help but snicker at the uneasy way she watches you as if any moment you’ll tell her off for the way Jackie gently strokes her head. Shauna gives you a weak glare, more for the sake of it than any actual heat. With the way she has to look up to see you, you can’t help but notice one of her best features.

“You have such pretty eyes, Shauna,” You say. Jackie laughs softly, thumb resting under Shauna’s chin as she tips her head back to see them.

“Y/N is right. They’re very distracting,” Jackie says, nodding sagely. “You can really get lost in them.” Jackie’s hand rests against Shauna’s face as she gently strokes it with her thumb. Shauna shivers at the touch, eyes wide with a mixture of emotions you can’t quite place. You start to get a little nervous, exchanging an unsure glance with Jackie as you wonder if you’re taking it a bit too far. Shauna was… fragile. Quick to make assumptions, to fly off the handle. It was best to end it while it was still fun, and you can tell Jackie agrees.

“What the fuck are you guys doing?” Shauna snaps, trying to sit up. Jackie’s arm presses against her chest, forcing her to choose between sitting up and possibly hurting Jackie. Shauna grumbles as she lets Jackie lay her back down, looking extremely displeased about it.

“We’ve decided that you’re our girlfriend now,” You say amusedly, arm resting on top of Shauna’s legs to keep her down in case she tries to escape. “Congrats!”

Shauna sputters a protest, looking annoyed at the clear amusement on both of your faces. “You can���t just– You can’t just make that decision without me,”

“Oh? Do you not like it when people leave out important information and don’t communicate?” Jackie asks, smiling down at her.

“What?” Shauna asks. You note that despite her clear irritation with the situation, she still seems pretty pleased with the results. You can see just a hint of a grin peeking out even as she tries to stifle it.

“Jackie told me about that little conversation you had,” You say wryly, giving her a knowing look.

Shauna nods shamefacedly, “You uh, found out about that huh?” She fiddles with the cuff of her flannel as she awkwardly clears her throat. She squirms in both of your grasps but quickly realizes she can’t get away without a fight. She’s flushed with embarrassment and can’t seem to make eye contact with either of you as she stares up at a particularly interesting spot on the ceiling.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” You ask.

Shauna sighs uncomfortably, closing her eyes as she relaxes against the two of you. “I just… It was the first time I felt like I was… that we were… an us.” She admits. “What if I told you that both of you wanted me there? What if you decided that you didn’t want to risk that?” She looks suddenly unsure as if she still thinks you could change your mind. “Did you mean it? About wanting me to be your girlfriend?”

You and Jackie exchange a look, a little sad over Shauna’s admission. The immediate wave of guilt that rushes over you at the realization of Shauna’s loneliness is a little overwhelming. You, of course, had known about the extent of their feelings for a while but you hadn’t realized Shauna was feeling alienated from the two of you. Not anymore.

“Of course we meant it silly,” Jackie says. Jackie’s grip on Shauna’s face tightens, gently pulling her up to meet her for a kiss. Shauna gasps, hands flailing awkwardly before finally resting her weight on her elbows as she eagerly reciprocates Jackie’s kiss. You watch the two of them for a few moments, assuring yourself that you don’t feel any sort of jealousy at the action. You felt something at the sight, but it certainly wasn’t jealousy.

“Don’t hog her,” You complain, having waited far too long in your opinion to kiss Shauna Shipman. Jackie pulls away with a breathy laugh, letting go of Shauna’s face to push gently at her back. Shauna sits up with her eyes blown wide, watching you hungrily as you draw her into a kiss of your own. You're lost in the feeling of her lips against yours, soft and exploratory, as her arms come up to wrap around your shoulders. Jackie, not quick to be forgotten, presses herself against Shauna's back as she attaches her lips to her neck. Shauna gasps, quickly overwhelmed by the attention but greedily accepting it as the two of you share her between you. 

Maybe there were some benefits in talking about your feelings. Who knew?

…

The next time you go on a date Shauna plans it, you and Jackie giggling and nudging each other as you follow behind her. Shauna sighs as she glances back, she really can't take either of you anywhere. Maybe she hadn’t picked the best date idea ever, as Jackie quietly lamented later when Shauna’s in the bathroom, but she’d never done it before. You were sure her next date would be better. You hoped. Maybe she should leave the date planning to you and Jackie, actually. 

The next time you fake yawn and stretch your arm over Jackie's shoulder– a move you only used because you knew how much Jackie loved the classics– you find yourself with an arm around both your girls instead. Shauna scoffs but notably makes no actual protest, shifting closer to lay her head against your shoulder as they both cuddle closer. Jackie watches on fondly, lacing her and Shauna's fingers together across your lap. 

You're surprised to find that the general dynamic doesn't seem to change all that much now that you're officially dating Shauna. You were practically dating her before, but you really figured there would be more of an adjustment period. It feels like she was always here– maybe she always was, even if it wasn't acknowledged. No longer was she awkwardly trailing behind you and Jackie on your dates, but a much more active participant. She no longer had to pretend to gag when she caught the two of you kissing, instead, she’d happily make her way over to join.

The biggest point of contention in your relationship always seems to be who got to be in the middle. You quickly gave up on that fight, knowing better than to get in the middle of a spat between those two, no matter how light-hearted it was. Those traitors would turn on a dime to band together against you. You learned your lesson a long time ago on that one. You instead chose to watch fondly as they bicker about who gets to be the little spoon for so long that you've fallen asleep before the decision was made. You find out in the morning that Shauna won, but Jackie still managed to weasel her way between you after Shauna fell asleep. Leave it to Jackie to play the long game. 

Shauna herself seems to be the most hesitant with the new dynamic, eyeing the two of you wearily whenever she finds you together without her. It wasn’t exactly jealousy, though it looked similar at first glance. Rather, it was an insecurity she couldn’t quite shake that the two of you would realize that you didn’t need her in your relationship. Jackie was quick to nip that in the bud, knowing from experience how much Shauna could get in her own head. 

The two of you make a concerted effort to include Shauna in everything, to shower her with so much affection that she seems to get overwhelmed with it at times. As much as Shauna likes to pretend that she doesn’t need that level of attention, it’s undeniable the way she’s flourished under it. Shauna seems happier than you’ve ever seen her, and you can’t deny that you feel the same way.

As for Jackie, she is more than satisfied with the arrangement. She confesses to you quietly one night after Shauna falls asleep that she thinks she might have always had a crush on Shauna and just didn’t know it. The urge to laugh was strong, but you managed to power through it anyway as you reassured her that you weren’t angry with her for it. Even if she didn’t know, you certainly did.

… 

Jackie gasps, her grip on your arm bordering on painful as she arches her back and digs her head into your stomach. “She’s that good, Jackie?” You ask teasingly, feeling more than seeing the way she nodded desperately against you. You were far too focused on the sight that lay before you: Jackie’s legs thrown over an incredibly eager-looking Shauna’s shoulders. Between the arm you’ve got wrapped across her hips and Shauna’s grip on her thighs, Jackie’s got nowhere to go. Utterly overpowered in just the way she likes. You knew from experience how enthusiastic Shauna got in moments like this, knew how quickly her grip would turn bruising. You can't deny how appealing the thought is, already anticipating the way Jackie would moan and squirm when you pressed down against them.

Jackie’s hips twitch as her movement is stalled once again, quickly forcing you out of your thoughts as Jackie mumbles absentmindedly in agreement “Good, so good.” Shauna moans loud enough that you can hear her even over Jackie. You’re surprised Shauna can even hear her with how tightly she’s got her thighs wrapped around her ears, but you can tell that the comment spurs Shauna on as she pulls Jackie impossibly closer to her mouth.

You reach a hand down to run your fingers through Shauna’s hair, gently brushing a few stray strands out of her face. Shauna nudges her head into your hand at the action, momentarily forgetting about Jackie as you push her hair behind her ears. Jackie whines in protest, quickly taking advantage of Shauna’s lax grip on her thighs to buck her hips up as she pointedly digs her heels into Shauna’s back. It backfires on her in the best way as Shauna makes a shuddering noise at the hint of pain, arching up in search of more pressure.

You tighten your fingers in her hair, tugging Shauna gently back towards Jackie. Shauna whines at the sting, quickly focusing back on Jackie as she tightens her grip on her thighs once more to stop her hips from jumping up at the touch. Your free hand moves up to cup her breast, rolling her nipple between your fingers. “Brat,” You chide, grinning fondly as you admonish Jackie. Jackie’s breathy laugh quickly turns into a moan as Shauna’s mouth finally makes its way up to her clit, her body jerking at the way Shauna moans against her when she reflexively digs her heels in deeper.

“Kiss,” Jackie whines, head thrown back to give you her most pathetic look as she stares up at you. You’re not one to deny her anything, especially looking as desperate as she does right now, so you quickly lean down to meet her. She moans the second your lips touch, the effort being made almost exclusively on your part as Jackie’s far more focused on whatever Shauna’s doing.

You pull back as you give up on kissing her, smiling gently at the pout that crossed her face at the action. Jackie quickly gets distracted, her body writhing as her eyes slam shut. Her hand reaches up to pull your hand away from her breast, lacing your fingers together in a desperate need for a grounding touch. As much as she loves to have both of you focus on her she’s still quick to shy away, becoming overwhelmed at the sheer amount of attention she receives. You squeeze her hand gently, prompting Jackie to latch on as her grip quickly tightens. 

Jackie throws her head back with a silent cry, the calm before the storm as she comes with a loud needy cry. Her body shakes with the force of it, thighs trembling violently over Shauna’s shoulders as she works her down. You revel in the feeling of her muscles tensing and untensing as she tries and fails to move away from Shauna’s insistent movements, captive to the feeling as she thrashes and moans.

Jackie collapses back against you the second she’s finished, shuddering wordlessly as she tries to catch her breath. Jackie lets go of your hand to throw her arm over her eyes, breath still coming out in harsh pants. Your eyes trail down her body, lingering on the faint discoloration her heels have left on Shauna’s back. You can already imagine the way they’re going to look when they bruise, can already imagine the way Shauna’s going to come crawling into your lap the second she catches sight of them in the mirror till they heal.

Jackie groans quietly in protest as Shauna pulls her legs off her shoulders, letting them fall limply to the bed as Shauna shifts onto her knees between them. Shauna’s face shines with the evidence of Jackie’s orgasm, licking at her lips absentmindedly and giving you a smug look when she catches you staring. You reach your newly freed hand out to rest on the back of her neck as you pull her up for a deep kiss, groaning quietly into her mouth as you share the taste of Jackie between you. You can feel the slickness of Shauna’s face as it transfers to yours, lips moving insistently against each other in search of every last drop.

You pull away with Shauna’s bottom lip still trapped between your teeth, Shauna whining in pain as she tries to chase your mouth only to be stopped by Jackie’s firm hand on her shoulder. 

Shauna’s lip finally slips from your teeth as Jackie, who’s looking awfully miffed at being pressed between the two of you the whole time, keeps her from following you. Shauna’s hand slowly reaches for her mouth, body shuddering at her fingertip comes back with just the slightest amount of blood. Shauna relishes the sting, eyes dropping back to your mouth as if unable to look away.

Jackie groans as she wiggles her way out from between you, nearly kicking Shauna in the stomach as she flops uselessly on her stomach next to you. You and Shauna turn to look at her in concern, but Jackie lazily waves you off as she props her head bonelessly on her arm to watch the two of you. “Weren’t looking for another?” Shauna asks wryly, pointedly massaging her jaw. Jackie gives her a tired smirk as she shakes her head.

“Mm, no. Three was enough, thanks.”

Shauna scoffs, rolling her eyes fondly as she gently shoves at her shoulder. Jackie’s body rocks with the motion, but it does nothing to dislodge her or remove the smug look from her face. “Shauna doesn’t understand how hard it is to lay there and look pretty, huh?” You tease. Jackie nods enthusiastically, the two of you sharing an amused look as Shauna groans irritably. 

You scoot backward up the bed so that your back rests against the headboard, patting invitingly at your lap as you grin at Shauna. Shauna makes a big show of being irritated, but still quickly shuffles up on her knees to straddle you. You run your hands over her bare thighs, settling them to rest on her hips as you draw her into another kiss, tongue immediately seeking out the small cut on her lip. Shauna gasps as you tease her with the faint sting, her hands wrapping around your shoulders so you can’t pull back as she surges forward in a harsh kiss.

She's pressed your bodies closer together than you’d previously thought possible, every inch of your torsos touching as her thighs bracketed your hips. Shauna makes a loud noise of protest as you pull away to catch your breath, quickly closing the distance as if it pained her to be separated for even a moment. 

Her hands slide up to tangle in your hair, clenching her fingers in a gentle tug– she never could fully resist the urge to cause a little pain. She quickly slips her way into your mouth as she takes your sharp gasp at the tug for what it was: an opportunity. Your grip on Shauna’s hips tightens as she experimentally rocks her hips down, quickly matching her rhythm as you pull her forward. 

Shauna pulls away with a breathy gasp– apparently the distance is acceptable when she's the one creating it, go figure– and rests her head against your shoulder as she revels in the pleasure she’s given herself. She mouths absentmindedly at your neck, far too invested in maintaining her rhythm to put any actual effort into it.

With the lack of other distractions, you quickly focus on the insistent rolling of Shauna’s hips as she grinds down against you. Shauna bites petulantly at your neck at your breathy laugh, moaning against you as your fingertips dig into her hips in response. You squeeze her hip firmly once more, hand sliding between her legs as Shauna apologetically soothes the mark with her tongue.

You slip inside of her with two fingers, knowing how much Shauna enjoys the stretch as she cries out against your neck. She rocks jerkily against you as she adjusts to the feeling, strong thighs tensing as she starts riding your fingers in earnest. The headboard slams against the wall with the force of Shauna’s movements, insistently chasing her high with her usual violent intensity. 

The harsh breaths and muffled moans she's releasing against your neck lull you into a state of awe as you watch Shauna move. Shauna nips pointedly at your neck, not much appreciative of your distractedness. You start grinding your palm up against her, curling your fingers insistently. Shauna gasps as she grinds down hard, momentarily losing her rhythm as your palm touches her just right.

You glance absentmindedly at Jackie who’s watching the two of you closely. She waves her fingers lazily in greeting, looking exhausted and on the verge of falling asleep. She gives you a small smile as she mimics eating popcorn, her eyes focused on the way Shauna’s breasts bounce as she rides you.

Shauna’s thighs start to shake as she gets close, forcing you to take control as Shauna’s movements get more and more out of rhythm. You brace your arm as you start thrusting up into her in earnest, Shauna’s eyes slipping shut as her head slumps against you.

Shauna comes with a loud moan of your name, thighs trembling in a mixture of pleasure and exertion as she rides out her orgasm. Jackie rubs her hand comfortingly against Shauna’s thigh, happy to remind everyone of her presence once the work is finished as always. Shauna blindly reaches for Jackie’s hand as she laces their fingers together, still shaking against you as she catches her breath. “That was good,” Shauna murmurs, pressing a gentle kiss against your neck as you start running your fingers through her hair

You were right. Shauna does have a nice voice.

[fridgrave2-0]

Do you think Calhoun and Felix are endgame or Felix and Turbo? For example, if there was any kind of possibility Turbo could come back, would they get back together because of unresolved feelings or would or be an aggressive side eye situation? lol

if we take a situation where turbo is mostly forgiven by others and goes through his therapy arc, then actually think of poly

turbo would hate the idea of being around felix 'cause he still has to process the whole "he turned me into a boogeyman" thing, so he always reminds himself that he shouldn't be jealous bc of calhoun, he doesn't want this fixing piece of shit anymore (he does, but he lived with this anger on felix for 25 years so he can't just let go). turbo actually tries to interact with calhoun when felix isn't around and very soon he understands that she's actually very cool. he's been through some shit between roadblasters and sugar rush period, still feels a lot of regret and pain about turbo twins and can relate to calhoun's loss more than anyone else in the group. and, well, the whole cybug thing also adds to it. as much candybug felt excited about becoming this mutant, it was a lot from the bug perspective, and when turbo got the full control over his mind and body the terror did hit him like a bus. tamora was able to give him the understanding of cybugs, and he shared how he felt when he was eaten. "it wasn't painful or anything, at least i don't remember the pain. but i didn't feel like myself anymore, like i was under players control again, and any attempt of taking the control back just felt so wrong." it was something tamora needed, many years she lived with doubt. did her fiance even had a chance of being the man she loved after being eaten, or it would just be a monster with a familiar face. now this burden fell off her shoulders. she wasn't the one who killed him, the cybug was

turbo saw a lot of himself in calhoun. this need to keep the front all the time, to stay in control, to hide most of the emotions and do not look weak. and just like with him, she began to open up because of felix. turbo wanted to warn her, say that he already got burned by felix's light, got too close and paid for it. but keeping the distance with fix-it actually helped turbo see the whole picture, and felix seemed different now. and it shouldn't be surprising, people can change in 15 years of which he didn't see felix. maybe it was calhoun's job, or an experience of almost being unplugged, but fix-it looked almost sad everytime turbo was coming up with an excuse to avoid him. turbo learned his lesson. why did he felt so bad seeing an unspoken remorse in felix's eyes?

tamora was the one, who made them talk after too much time of walking around and playing hide and seek. in last months turbo taught himself to apologize and be genuine about it, and he was ready to do it, but with felix everything goes wrong, as always. this was exactly what fix-it wanted, it has always been like this. when turbo apologized, that was making felix in the right, no matter what was the reason. he knew felix saw the world in black in white, and that means always there's the one who's right, and the one who's wrong. and my any means turbo never was a perfect or even a decent person before, and he doesn't think so of himself now just because he realized his bad actions and said sorry couple of hundreds times. being eaten by a bug and burn in lava makes you reconsider a lot of things. but he knew he wasn't the only one who was wrong, and the idea hearing it again from felix was the worst. so turbo bit his tongue and kept his apologies

...only to hear felix saying "i'm sorry" for the first time in 30 long years. turbo didn't think it was possible, but here he was, sitting in niceland with silent but proud looking calhoun by his side while felix was pouring out his soul. apologies mixed up with tears - turbo knew that felix always cries when he gets too emotional - and felix just talked and talked for ten minutes straight, not seeing how the tension was leaving turbo's body. he relaxed, listening to felix not with a sense of triumph, but with a bit of fun. couple of times he turned to look at tamora only to see her sharing this look with him, and suddenly everything just became so simple and trivial that turbo made felix stop talking by pulling him into a hug. he wished for his apologies for 30 years, and now when he got them he didn't want to listen to it. because what was the point? turbo got the point in first two minutes, he knew felix was feeling sorry, and to list all their mistakes and bad choices would take too much of the time they had already lost

"i got the jist, big idiot, you didn't have to write a whole essay about how sorry you are", turbo said with a grin and heard felix chuckle. then he sighed and hid his face in felix's shoulder, still uncomfortable with being so open. "but thanks... i'm sorry too, y'know?"

turbo felt how felix relaxed in his arms

"yeah, i know, little idiot", felix replied, and for the first time in decades turbo felt like home. while he was keeping his face in felix's shoulder and breathing the familiar smell of pie and brick dust, felix looked at his wife, who seemed unusually soft, and uttered without a sound small "thank you". after all, without her they wouldn't ever try

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Thoughts on Ron x Hermione? Were they a good pairing or should they not have been endgame

I think it makes sense that they're endgame, and I like them as a pairing. I'm not passionate about them, so you won't catch me reading/writing fic where they're the main couple, but as a side couple while Harry's having the main romantic drama, sure.

My problem with Romione is how they were written a bit. Like, in my current reread, I noticed I actually kinda shipped them in books 3, 4, and 5 but like, Romione in books 6 and 7 really doesn't do it for me.

I'll try to organize my thoughts. Like, I do like Hermione and Ron's banter, I honestly think a lot of the petty arguments Harry tunes out are just fun to them. They are both very verbose people and they enjoy bantering and arguing over petty bullshit (bar a few exceptions like 3rd year). I mean, there is a reason these two are bantering and Harry just tones them out:

“Well done, Ron,” snapped Hermione. “What?” said Ron indignantly, having managed, finally, to swallow his food. “I’m not allowed to ask a simple question?” “Oh forget it,” said Hermione irritably, and the pair of them spent the rest of the meal in huffy silence. Harry was too used to their bickering to bother trying to reconcile them; he felt it was a better use of his time to eat his way steadily through his steak-and-kidney pie, then a large plateful of his favorite treacle tart.

(OotP, 210)

“That was really, really good, Harry,” said Hermione, when finally it was just her, Harry, and Ron left. “Yeah, it was!” said Ron enthusiastically, as they slipped out of the door and watched it melt back into stone behind them. “Did you see me disarm Hermione, Harry?” “Only once,” said Hermione, stung. “I got you loads more than you got me —” “I did not only get you once, I got you at least three times —” “Well, if you’re counting the one where you tripped over your own feet and knocked the wand out of my hand —” They argued all the way back to the common room, but Harry was not listening to them.

(OotP, 596)

It makes sense they are like this. Hermione is argumentative in general and Ron grew up in a large family with a lot of siblings. He spent all his childhood arguing with people he loves — arguing over petty shit is a love language. I think, as a couple, they'd just continue doing this.

I mentioned in my Harmony post that I think Ron is closer to Hermione than Harry is. Ron is protective of both Harry and Hermione and stands up to Snape and Malfoy multiple times on behalf of both his friends (as I mentioned in the past, Ron is the friendship glue here, in my opinion) even when Harry and Hermione don't stand up to each other. And yes, Ron had his faults in books 4 and 7 (book 4 is the worst one in my opinion since in book 7 he tried to return immediately, he just removed himself from a volatile situation that can actually be super healthy as a means to calm down) but I do think he's a good friend to Harry and Hermione and knows how to connect to both of them.

Like, I kinda hate that the fandom just ran with Ron having the emotional range of a teaspoon. I mean, he's often the most emotionally intelligent person in the Golden Trio, and he should be given more credit. He is the only one of them who knows to change how he talks depending on who he's talking to on a somewhat conscious level. Hermione is too rigid in her views and doesn't really do social chameleon-ing. Harry does do it, but through mirroring and he does it differently than Ron.

And I think Romione's personalities do work really well together. They complete each other in a nice way. Hermione is all book smarts and memorization, and Ron is strategy and plans (street smarts). They are both brave in different ways and have a different temperament. Like, they get emotional under different circumstances, so one of them would usually end up being cool-headed.

Like, they both require a similar level of attention in a relationship so they work well on that front. Ron knows how to be supportive of Hermione's pursuits, even when he doesn't fully get them, and Hermione (at least in the early books) is aware of Ron's cleverness and appreciates it and his sense of humor. They are good to each other in how they push the other's worldview. Hermione pushes Ron out to rethink things he always considered fine (House Elfs). And Ron pushes Hermione to have more fun and relax a little.

The reason I have a problem with how they are written is that I hate how Hermione's crush on Ron is treated in HBP. Like, that shit was painful to read. I would've loved for them to get together without Hermione being the bitterest, meanest girl out there. Like, I don't mind Hermione being mean, she can be mean on occasion, it's part of her character. Like, I have no qualms about her using that Confundus Charm on McLaggen, that's in character. My problem is how she treated Ron when he was dating Lavender.

Like, I didn't mind the insults towards Lavender too much, that's in character (she is a bit of a pick-me girl like Ginny too, especially in book 6, but even before), but attacking Ron with birds when he never dated Hermione was overkill. Ron's shit towards Hermione and Krum in the fourth year was less extreme than this, I mean, he would never attack Hermione physically. Ron would argue with her, sure, he does so plenty, but he never did and never will attack her and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth to see Hermione willing to attack him quite violently over kissing Lavender when Ron wasn't dating Hermione, it wasn't fucking cheating, Hermione!

Like, I hate it.

In general, I like Ron more than I like Hermione, and this means it's never going to be a pairing I'm invested in, but, it makes sense and could've been done way better than it was in the books. I think Romione had potential and was done dirty.

[bennie-jerry]

My Beef with Wanda Maximoff - An MCU Rant

Sorry not sorry, I will ride the Wanda-ain't-shiitake train till the wheels are worn out. I do not care what her fangirls say. And if you're legitimately going to be so overly offended just from me disliking a FICTIONAL character, I highly suggest you click off, make some tea, and watch a Ghibli movie.

How many times does it need to be said? Just because someone suffers from some form of (small or big) trauma, IT DOESN’T GIVE THEM A PASS TO DO EVIL SH—

I really REALLY sincerely hope there's lore or bits I'm missing here (and if so, PLEASE tell me because I WANT to be wrong so BAD). But from what I know and remember, I feel as though I have every right to be disgusted with who Wanda is as a person.

It frustrates me so much how this carmine-colored narcissist will whine about people being scared of her, but she does stuff only a scary person WOULD do.

Purposefully setting the Hulk off so you could use him as a wrecking ball on innocent civilians in Johannesburg during Age of Ultron? Seems scary as heck.

Literally warping the universe itself to hunt and kill a teenager who did nothing to you during Multiverse of Madness? Seems scary as heck.

Brainwashing an ENTIRE town JUST so you can live in delusion about your man not being dead during Wandavision? Seems DOUBLE scary as heck.

Don't even try to defend what she did in Age of Ultron. Even if she supposedly didn't INTEND to have civilians killed, she sure as HECK didn't seem all too sorry that it happened. She wasn't ‘regretful’ that she did it. She was only ‘regretful' when Bruce confronted her on it. She has the nerve (the utter AUDACITY) to hate Tony Stark for the same CRAP that she does (if not worse, which let's be honest—it’s worse).

At least Tony Stark DIED out of an effort to save everyone, whereas Wanda usually tends to only help others when it benefits HER.

Wanda is nothing more than a Multiversal brat with a god-complex and no one can tell me otherwise. If something does not go 100% her way, she completely acts out and throws a reality-warping tantrum.

“Oh, but she tried to fix everything in Wandavision!”

Yeah, only after finding out she was BRAINWASHING people!

How the FREAK do you reality warp an ENTIRE town (especially at the large radius she used her magic) and expect NO one to be under mind control? Would you NOT try to fly around the premises to see if ANYONE else was there?

Once again, even if this was an example where she didn't INTEND for it to happen, then that proves another great flaw that she has.

Wanda hardly (if ever) thinks through her actions. And then when her actions bite her in the butt, she has the nerve to be surprised. Wanda almost never (and I'm being generous here) considers how her actions harm or affect others until it turns around and affects HER.

She did not deserve Vision, he was too good of a man for her, sorry not sorry.

Just the stuff she did BEFORE Multiverse of Madness ALONE is enough to not like her.

Let's not even get into the fact she never ACTUALLY apologized to Bruce Banner for everything she put him through. All she said at most when he confronted her is, “I know you're angry…”

Oh wow, REALLY? I couldn't POSSIBLY understand why Banner would EVER be angry at you for essentially brain-raping him (going into his mind and memories without his CONSENT) and using his worst fears against him to trigger Hulk so you could use him like a personal killing machine, further lessening the very few support systems he already HAD. She should feel grateful Banner didn't immediately throw her through a wall upon seeing her.

“But she became an avenger and helped them in Endgame!”

I could not give less of a DOOKIE about the fact she did that. Wanda fighting Thanos was literally the ONLY option she possibly had if she didn't wanna turn into dust along with the other half of the population. Sure, she also did it because she was forced to kill her boo BECAUSE of Thanos, but let's be honest—she would've had to fight him regardless. Her handing Thanos’ butt to him (while a very cool scene) doesn't prove JACK about her character.

The fact she ever BECAME an avenger after effectively traumatizing the MAJORITY of them is mind-boggling to me.

“Oh, I'm sorry I weaponized all of your traumas against you for my own personal gain because I wanted to work with a genocidal robot, can I join you guys?”

“Sure, Wanda! Come into the team and we'll pretend like you didn't do a darn thing!”

(The fact this isn't even ALL that she's done is absurd, I can still keep going—)

Don't even get me STARTED on Multiverse of Madness. And before anyone tries to say, “She did it so she could have a reality with her children!”

BRO, HER KIDS WEREN'T EVEN FREAKING REAL—

Wanda Freaking Maximoff wanted to murder a TEENAGER all for some children that were not even ACTUAL people. And when she did have them, didn't she make them FIGHT against the military in Wandavision or am I mistaken (which I VERY MUCH hope I am because what the he---)?

I do not care whatsoever what her reason is or what trauma she went through. Attempted murder of a minor (ESPECIALLY in this case, a minor who didn't even do anything) is inexcusable to me.

There is no way in frog fingers you guys are ACTUALLY trying to justify and/or downplay a grown ADULT trying to murder a CHILD (because that's what America was—a CHILD).

(Her and Miguel O'Hara would get along GREAT, when's the collab--)

And by then, she had ALREADY brutally murdered a whole bunch of people and probably corrupted the multiverse even FURTHER than she already had.

It wasn't until an ALTERNATE version of her (who ACTUALLY had her kids) told her to sit the [BLEEP] down (I'm paraphrasing here, but you get my drift).

Wanda is NOT a victim. Is she a good villain? Yes. But this witch isn't a victim. Not anymore at least. She doesn't apologize for her actions. She doesn't take responsibility. She doesn't reflect on what she does.

And even when she DOES finally do ANY of those things in ANY capacity, the damage is already done. In fact, it's not JUST done, it's also BURNT inside the oven causing smoke to go everywhere.

There is no rhyme or reason you could pull out that will convince me to be anything short of angry with this character and I'm so tired of her fans trying to defend her just because she was a lab rat and lost her man.

Once again, it's not bad to like a character that does awful stuff. But please, for sanity sake, STOP acting like they're a lost little angel BECAUSE you like them. I know they say "hurt people hurt people" but that still doesn't justify doing bad stuff just because bad things happened to YOU.

[reyreadersblog]

ALRIGHT Y'ALL MADE ME DO IT!!!

My unpopular tig/tgg opinions!!

FIRST!

These are MY opinions and i'm allowed to have my own thoughts on certian things, just as you are, okay..? Just wanna..get this out of way, i know everyone is respectful in this fandombut still.

1. this is something that should NOT be an upopular opinion. AVERY IS THE MAIN CHARACTER FOR A REASON. okay? She is a girlboss, and she needs more appretiation, cus literally search up tig on tt rn. Everybody and their cat named Stewie is talking about Grayson and Jameson? WHAT ABOUT MY MG AVERY? And if you see any post about her, it's probably a hate vid about how Avery should've kept the money...SHUT UP. Read what she said carefully..."no one deserves that kind of power.." and then think about it deeply.

2. I DO NOT WANT TIG TO TURN INTO A TV SERIES (or even a movie). i can't name all the reasons 'cus then the the list would be endless. First of all, i know, I JUST KNOW, they'll choose the worst cast ever. And even if they find the most accurate cast for the Hawthorne brother i will still be dissapointed, because the images of them i have in my head...THEY'LL NEVER TOP EM. second of all, they will leave out important moments, just as simple as it sounds, and trust me they will, just like they do with most of the live adaptations of books. Third of all, SHIP WARS!!! I phisically can't with ship war, like I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF EM IN THE PAST WHEN THE BOOKS WERE STILL COMING OUT. And just the thought of Averygrayson shipper saying "yeah Avery and jameson were endgame in the books but they might change it in the movie..." GIVES ME NIGHTMARES. and overall, not everything needs a live adaptation yk? sometimes things just have to stay the way they are.

3. ...this is a bit contrevertial.and i don't want to sound like a hater since i've said this a multiple times before but Rohan's pov was my least favourite in the grandest games. Purely bcs whatever Savannah and Rohan had going on...don't get me wrong, i like Savannah (even tho she did and said some fucked up things) and Rohan, SEPERATLY. But them being together...idk man, they were too..."booktokish" for my liking, yk? and i do love banter and teasing, but they were like basic "i like you but i like winning more" "couple". Not to mention they were so random...like where did they come from? I remember when we first saw Sav and Rohan having the same symbols on their cards i was very excited, i expected a different dynamic between them...PLUS THE WHOLE GAME THEY JUST WANTED TO FUCK💀

4. Hating Alisa Ortega and loving Grayson Hawthorne is CRAZYYY, and i'm saying this bcs they're pretty similar in different ways. And the thing is people are mad at Alisa for "saying mean words to Libby" (she was literally doing her job, you would understand if you were at her place) MEANWHILE GRAYSON LITERALLY THREATENED A HEIRESS! (sayin this as a Gray stan) *sigh* y'all are something else🤦🏻‍♀️.

5. Ohh...this one is risky...BUT CAN Y'ALL STOP ACTING LIKE JAMESON IS BLAMELESS?? all i see is Grayson slander, AND I UNDERSTAND, he fucked up, but saying "Jameson was so much better than Grayson" is a lie, at least for me. (He was better for Avery tho) he fs made mistakes that fandoms chooses to ignore. Like lets not act like treating Avery like a toy wasn't wrong. Lets not act like him blaming Grayson for everything wasn't wrong. Let's not act like him reminding Grayson of Emily's death wasn't wrong. And i know that later on both him and Grayson had a great character development, but still, i've never seen anyone talk about this.

6. This isn't about tig. But LIKING JLBS WORK AND BEING HER FAN DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE GLAZING HER💀 (talking about an argument i had a while ago...) like is it so hard for your brain to understand that it's called having an opinion. Idc if it's JLB or any other author, okay? Like i've read almost every Jlb's books and i love them, AND i also publicly talk about how much iblove her work, does that mean i'm glazing her? UHM NO WTF💀.

7. LET. PEOPLE. HAVE. PREFRENCE. (I'm talking about ships btw) . Someone prefers LyraGray over Averyjameson, and that's okay. Someone loves Averyjameson the most, and that's also okay, someone likes Libbynash more then Xandermax, AND THAT IS ALSO OKAY.

I'll probably do part 2, i have more to say i'm just really tired rn.

Also it's not proof read so sorry if there are many mistakes.

[wlwitchofwhitestone]

I think what's frustrating me the most about what's going on in campaign 3 right now is that the main idea being talked about and given way too much emphasis runs counter to the theme of the m9. If the Nein were about the idea that you can become better no matter what you did or who you were before, the argument set forth and being entertained as a legitimate conflict right now is very "these guys did bad shit a thousand years ago and they should die. Somehow this is good for everyone despite the centuries of good they've done since." Ashton's point was extremely astute that if that's the case, cleanse the entire world motherfucker because we're no better, but the hypocrisy of that was neatly sidestepped (which is at least consistent with Ludinus and fascists of his ilk in general). It's not a real argument, guys. We're not meant to take him seriously.

The gods are the stewards of the only world anyone living has ever known. The fact that they made bad choices that hurt Ludinus and people he knew is a legitimate grievance. The gods are in fact flawed, capable of selfishness, but when confronted with the enormity of the damage they were causing this world, they removed themselves and a whole chunk of their power to seal themselves behind the divine gate. They didn't abandon the world. They didn't withdraw their power and sulk, leaving everyone without their gifts until they begged for a return. They simply care for mortals on the terms of those mortals and ask for nothing not freely given. The people who follow the gods find them worthy of that patronage and Ludinus does not get to erase the choice of everyone else who doesn't agree with him because he's hurt, even if he did have a point (he doesn't).

He thinks, for some reason, that his actions won't result in the same kind of harm on a global scale and completely ignores the damage he has already wrought in the name of a higher purpose because that's what the gods did and they're no better than him. But they are, dipshit. They are better than you. There are people in the world they may not be better than, salient point, but you're not one of them.

And after the light and love that was the core of the Nein - the very thing that shaped Essek into the campaign 3 NPC that he is - it feels extremely disingenuous for "do the gods deserve their power now that you've seen them at their worst" to be perceived as an actual, legitimate conflict in the endgame and a talking point in the Fandom. Especially when the Hells have already been pretty clear that they're not looking to be judge, jury, and executioner of the gods. This is not the central conflict of campaign 3, it's one dumbass's weird motivation to be a villain that needs to be stopped and the fact that it keeps coming up as anything approaching credible is a condemnation of the purity culture mindset in online spaces today.

[yannaryartside]

Claire still needs to see the worst of Carmen

At times, it feels like the Carmen Claire felt in love with and the Carmen the audience knows are two different people.

Seriously, for all their cute scenes in s3, and for all the talk about her being peace, at this point, sydcarmy not happening will be a mild disappointment compared to how enraged I am gonna be if this show makes Claire's presence enough to "calm" "appease" or "resolve" all of Carmy's demons. I am sorry, but no, just no.

The show may make Carmy quit cooking to say that he is leaving the "reason" for his outrage and trauma. Or they could make him accept her love and approach new challenges with her "peace" by her side. But that will automatically destroy all nuance and thematic coherence in your show.

There is no relationship you can have that can "appease" years of repressed trauma. That just doesn't work like that. There are plenty of people involved in toxic relationships who once thought they would be the reason or motivation for their partner's healing journey.

I also understand that we have different sides and our partners may not see them all. It may be our intention they don't see the worst of us. But that may also mean that you only know how to emotionally deal with the parts of your partner you know about. It could mean that you are afraid of ever showing true vulnerability or reaching an understanding. Whatever I have read about relationships that move past severe mistakes/issues (cheating, secrets, addiction, etc.), there is always an emphasis on the couple talking and processing their feelings and fears about the situation, having a true understanding of what happened and why, and with the use professional help. There are cases where none of those things work because sometimes new ways of thinking need to be reached in order for any relationship to move forward.

They have told us about Claire calming Carmy's panic attacks (Carmy tells it, even if it is Sydney that calms one later and on multiple occasions) and Claire lovingly touching his scars. But there is no guidance, and at some point, there is also a lack of patience. For example, she got mad after he asked her if she was okay. But there has not been talk about the "ugly" stuff. He doesn't talk about the bad parts of his relationship with Michael. He doesn't talk about Chef David. At this point, of all the show's characters, Syd is the only one who caught a glimpse/idea of what happened. (Man, I really need Syd and Carmy talking about it).

What I am trying to say is that there needs to be guidance. If ClaireCarmy is endgame, there needs to be therapy involved, and Claire needs to know about the abuse, the one he suffered and the one he inflected. It would be even better if she got to witness it at least once. Otherwise, I am never gonna believe she can be with Carmen in the long haul. What happens if he gets triggered by something else in the future and directs one of his rage episodes to her? (which is extremely likely; it doesn't matter how much therapy you take or time passes, mental health can be like that).

There is a reason there is the council for military spouses (to put an example); if you are gonna be in a relationship with someone who has experienced severe trauma, you need to know what you are getting yourself into. You need to know what is happening to your partner (the good, the bad, and the ugly) and how to deal with it.

[buddiebeginz]

Anon who sent me a message about another B*mmy stan who jumped from Buddie to B*mmy I'm not surprised and really I think it's been that way for a lot of them. I know some B/T shippers are multi shippers and or still want Buddie to be endgame but there's far too many who used to be hardcore Buddie shippers then dropped that ship and Eddie like a hot potato the minute they got to see Buck suck face with a guy they think is hot. And like they can't claim this is all about wanting to see Buck happy when some of them were dropping Buddie right after 7x04 when we had barely even seen Buck and T*mmy interact at all.

It's also not just that they're shipping something different some of them have taken to trashing Buddie, Eddie, and our fandom now all to prop up their ship. I honest to god don't know how people switch lanes that fast. Like I can understand being a multi shipper (even though I'm not) and I get changing your mind but the way some of them act like Buddie being canon now would be the worst thing for Buck and Eddie is just crazy to me. Because most of them months ago were waxing poetic about how Buddie were soulmates and Buck was Chris' other dad and how the show needed to make it happen but now it's Buddie shippers are delusional and Buddie was never supposed to be anything but platonic. 😒

As much as I don't like Lou I hope everyday that he gets a better job or becomes a main on SWAT (like there's rumours he might be in the fall) and doesn't end up coming back for season 8. I'm thankful everyday that the show made Buck bi but T*mmy has been one of the worst additions to 911 to date. Although at least this has given us a chance to see some of the true colors of people in our fandom. I'm glad once Buddie is finally canon I'll have a lot of those hateful fake ass Buddie fans blocked when they inevitably come crawling back trying to pretend they always knew Buddie was going to happen.

[narriose]

Thoughts on Veilguard so far:

Preface: I’m ~50 hours in with a handful of endgame spoilers.

My general values are: Story > Characters > Gameplay > Romance > Rep > Visuals.

My rating of the previous games: DA2 > DAO > DAI

Spoilers under Cut:

What I expected: Having to deal with an unappealing art style and clunky gameplay with leftover multiplayer and live service era elements that they couldn’t get rid of for the sake of the story and characters.

What I got: Well…

Let’s Start with the negatives:

-Dialogue: I want to know what happened there. Ik for a fact they had veteran BioWare writers on the team and it feels like there was a decision to dumb everything down to the point of me immediately having a line in my head that would sound better in universe every time someone spoke. It proved especially grating once I heard Morrigan speak. And when people compare the writing to MCU I cannot really protest. “Dragon Age has always been unserious” yes but like. Not every other line was a joke or relatable™️ millennial awkwardness . When jokes did happen they became memorable moments for the fandom. It’s often very difficult to listen to. Especially when Rook talks. It is getting marginally better though.

-Tone: Dragon Age has been compelling to me because it wrote conflict and trauma and corruption in a way that felt developed enough to feel grounded and believably horrific. Even with all its faults. DATV mellowed out the horrors and seems to gloss over a lot of sociopolitical dynamics and lore. Stuff like portraying crows as vigilantes and not showing the evils of Tevinter slavery. The tone itself just feels like theyre trying to make an easily marketable sanitized IP out of it to cater to a wider audience.

-Character Writing: A lot of characterization has been “Tell not show” because I’m disappointed in Lucanis and Neve. The story says one is a serious killer and the other is a cynic but both have only been friendly soft and positive which is like??? I feel like a lot of their intro has been cut out or something where they establish those traits on screen. Another thing is: there don’t appear to be actually detestable and controversial traits in characters or even internal conflict they need to overcome. They’re just dealing with some kind of external thing thrust onto them and that is very shallow to me personally.

-Intro: I know we’re not getting Origins style personalized intros again but it felt like too much is handwaived into people making their own OCs and forming headcanons when the game doesn’t let us RP much at all outside identity stuff anyway. Like how do we know Varric? Why should any of the pep talks he gives us mean anything when we haven’t experienced anything to warrant the complements he gives us?

-Villains: possibly the worst part of the story: they lit act like theyre in a preschool cartoon down to body language. No nuance no controversy no actual horror to them when in previous games the evil felt so much more pronounced because some of the villains felt human enough to be a shitty person irl.

-Rep: Sigh. Even as a transmasc I might be a little too internally transphobic for the rep in the game. It feels like so many steps ahead of what the story should be handling. Like fix the slavery problem in a meaningful way then start philosophical gender discussions about what a gender binary even is. And it’s very cringe to me when it’s spoken about in game. Like yeah I love that there’s no way to dispute what the characters are but it also feels so entirely uncreative using modern day terminology for this stuff. And I don’t mean “replace it with ambiguous sad baby talk” but something more. Like is it terrible to want that? Even if you were planning on using the word nonbinary, at least tell us what a binary even is and how it was instituted as an idea into this world. Like I do adore Taash, I just wish the gender stuff wasn’t so clumsy.

-Visuals: It’s hard man. As an artist who sees human bodies as proportion reference points, the bodies still look off to me. Like it was worse and I’m getting used to it but it’s still painful. And I’m all for trying to stylize but this particular heroforge direction was not something I would have picked.

-OST: At first I couldn’t tell Zimmer/Balfe’s stuff apart from Morris’s but yeah, the new stuff is more boring(Sans the Rivain part)

-The 3 choice thing: yeah not a fan of that. I feel like perhaps it was a part of the multiplayer era where they would not be able to import much if everyone had a massively different world state so they limited it to the tiny MC choices. Still sad that the romance thing only really matters if you romanced Solas because the Dorian cameo wasn’t anything to write home about. Kinda feels like they added him in last minute because someone pointed out how much Solas-skewed the choices were. Idk. I so expected Josie in Antiva but alas.

Now Onto the Positives:

-Codices: The very way-too modern simplified conversational dialogue style carries over to the codices. And while I despise that as a creative, I do find myself actually reading them as they come because they are so easy to absorb. I feel like a lot of people would benefit from not skipping them because there are some references and plot reveals worth checking out.

-Story: If you deafen the dialogue style, the story itself is top. Gets way better as you play and from the spoilers I’ve heard, yeah. It’s good. Can’t wait to find out more.

-Gameplay: Listen I have a massive preference for DA style combat even if most ppl call it a slog. The turn based element, the pause button, the hoarding skills I never use. It’s like coming home to me. I hated DAI combat for the amount of anxiety it induced and I usually hate fast-paced action combat in most other games. DATV made me eat my boots. Its combat is insanely fun and engaging and often times I’m looking forward to fights more than quests themselves. Very colorful, very flashy, and very effective. The pause button gives less freedom but it’s there. The combos are fun. It is like Mass Effect except I did not find commanding the companions in Mass Effect as intuitive. Tho I wish non mages had less magicey feeling attacks.

-The CC: Yeah it wowed me with the options. I like how much can be done with the facial sliders and how good the hair looks.

-Puzzles: Listen the puzzles are extremely stupid in this game. But I also am very stupid and lazy when it comes to solving them. I have looked up the vast majority of puzzle solutions for DA games. No more DA2 Fade Barrels and no more trying to circumnavigate the ad infested Fandom Wiki to get to the Kitty’s prison solution. Crafted specifically for me.

-Mechanical Things: The game is optimized insanely well. Both when It comes to your PC and the gameplay. I’m amazed how well it runs on my PC when games like BG3 and Cyberpunk make my CPU scream. Love that. As far as gameplay goes: everything is super streamlined and designed to be as un-annoying as possible. No carry weight, no collectibles as annoying and unrewarding as the shards and mosaics. The maps are easy to parse. The game does not bombard you with useless NPCs, banter can’t be interrupted and characters catch up on banter at the Lighthouse if you’ve been avoiding certain party comps by accident. The quest locator is actually helpful. Skill points can be refunded. Looting is easy and finding shit feels rewarding.

-Characters: Honestly they do have some interesting things going on and while most characters feel a little hollow so far, I was pleasantly surprised by Davrin and Bellara. Davrin is the one I’m romancing and while the actual romance isn’t groundbreaking I’m glad I chose him. Yes, his character has a lot to do with Assan and his arc, but he does have stuff going on of his own. He’s very refreshing because some of the things he says low key both makes you think and also worry about him. He’s also not your usual preppy jock type. He can be a little mean sometimes. He’s artistic and principled. He has some remnants of “opinions I don’t agree with” that I love early DA for. When it comes to Bellara, she absolutely breaks the sort of Manic Pixie/Quirky Awkward young coded girl mold. It is the fact that there is self awareness and hints of history of failure and isolation in her words. There is also masking and over-clarification that I can relate to personally. I hope there is stuff like that to other companions when I get to know them better.

Visuals: the UI and Locations are stunning. The outfits the best the game has had so far(tho wish the overall look was less stylized) The blighted stuff(sans the ogres) and the Crossroads. Beautiful.

-Dwarf Lore: started out as fucking cheesy but I just finished meeting Valta and I’m seated.

-Solas Stuff: Hated the man for a while. Caved and made a solavellan to import to get more story stuff. NGL he is actually tolerable/interesting to me in this game.

Overall: A sickly sweet combo of Disappointed and Impressed. And I’m still gonna be playing. I am used to not liking something about every DA game. That’s part of the fun for me. But damn is this one testing me. Am I having a lot of fun playing it? Absolutely. Am I finding it difficult to get through a concerning amount of dialogue…yeah. It does still feel like a DA game but also like if someone made a pg-13 live action of Inquisition and then made a supplementary game based off that. If I forget that it’s supposed to be a sequel and just treat it like an action game with plot then it’s easier. And like I’m sure at least half of what I listed as a negative can be attributed to EA meddling or prev iterations of the game being inseparable. Anyway. Can’t wait to see the ending and I will add more thoughts when I’m done.

[leighlew3]

What were the aspects of Supergirl (show in general or character) that resonated with you personally?

First and foremost, Kara herself... as someone with a ton of trauma, who would have every reason to do not so great things or wield her power for evil, yet does good things and channels her energy into trying to help people -- she's amazing. She is someone who feels isolated a lot of the time and struggles with anger issues but ultimately is such a light and a good person and somebody that just wants to do good for the world, even when it's not always appreciated or understood. Even if it means constant self sacrifice.

I relate to pretty much all of that.

I also loved the idea of Supercorp obviously, because it was such an epic tale in how they were so similar but so different and so inherently fated to be side by side. It could've been so successful if canon romantic on the show instead of just baited. Taking the decades-old lore of Super vs Luthor and instead turning into Super & Luthor -- a story of hate turned into a love story -- that's an incredible concept, and so rich and full of so much storytelling potential. Them just being friends is the 'lite' version of turning that lore on its head. But to go even deeper would've been nothing short of revolutionary.

Alas, instead they chose to tarnish the show's legacy and taint the good it DID do elsewhere in LGBTQ representation (because YES a show can have ancillary rep but still queerbait a lead dynamic -- especially when it's bait that existed before any other rep was even introduced on the show) ...by choosing to be one of the worst examples of queerbait in TV history (due to all of the romanic tropes and parallels and teases and lack of denials by TPTB who very clearly wanted people to stay tuned in based on hope for canon endgame since that very first Clois parallel in 2x01). It was also just an absolute waste of creative potential and true travesty that ultimately only hurt the show and cast and fans and everyone involved, whether everyone is ready to admit it or not.

Anyway, I enjoyed the fact that so many of the characters -- from Kara and Lena (these two especially), to Alex, Nia, and Kelly... so many of them came loaded with one form of trauma or another, but they still were ultimately inherently good people, a great example of 'found family', and heroic as heck in the end, no matter how dark it got at times for some. In large part because they had each other. I mean, I wish they all weren't LITERAL superheroes or supernatural by the end because I think the show (amongst numerous other issues) lost sight of their own messaging that "anyone can be a hero even without powers" but -- they really were inherently such good / ripe characters, the women especially (plus Brainy and J'onn).

Sure, they all (again, the women especially) often were sadly let down by superficial or just plain poor writing and overall creative direction a lot of the time, especially in the end -- but at the core, everyone could find something to relate to in at least one character, if not multiple characters, and that's great.

I know much like fans of Dana Scully in the 90s, a LOT of girls/women were inspired to get into STEM over this last decade now because of Katie McGrath's portrayal of Lena Luthor. And even more people related to Lena's trauma as a survivor of lifelong abuse at the hands of her family and especially her unhinged brother. Seeing that someone can slip into darkness as the result of years of sadistic mind games and abuse of all kinds but still come out the other side a hero, empowered, and a good person who helps others and is capable of loving and deserving of being loved? That's beautiful, and Lena offered that to SO many viewers, so it's no wonder she was a top fan favorite second only to the lead herself. And seeing how that impacted people, was so very moving.

Seeing people impacted by Alex's coming out arc in Season 2 was amazing. Having the first trans superhero on TV was amazing. And so on...

Look, there's a lot the show did wrong. In fact, possibly more was done poorly or wrong than well or good, overall, unfortunately. Alas, there were some little sparks of light to be truly appreciated.

But again, for me, I connected most to Kara's story, her strength, her dichotomy, and her indelible sense of HOPE... despite every reason at times to give up. And to the Kara/Lena love story, in all its infinite, incredible, and still mostly untapped potential.

[dramavixen]

Love and Redemption: A Fantasy Epic About How Prejudice Destroys Worlds, and How Love Pieces Them Back Together

**major spoilers for: Love and Redemption

After wrapping up a watch-through of Mysterious Lotus Casebook, my mom had the brilliant idea that we should rewatch the work that launched Cheng Yi to fame (or at the very least solidified him as the man to hire if you need someone to spit blood): Love and Redemption. 

I’m certain she only found this idea appealing because she doesn’t remember a TV show after it’s over. Credits rolling? Aight, time for the woman to clear up space on her brain’s memory drive. Meanwhile, my life flashed before my eyes as I recalled the anguish that’s synonymous with the show’s plot. But you know how things go when your mom wants something. If she says you're sitting through 44 hours of emotional torture with her, then you plant yourself on that couch until it’s over.

Ironically, Love and Redemption fares even better on rewatch. Though other xianxias have come close to its place in my heart, I’m now concerned that my palate won’t be so easily satiated again. It’s got your conventional reincarnation, warring realms, and a star-crossed romance while throwing curveball after curveball to shatter your expectations. Complex characters, too? An endgame villain who will haunt you in your sleep? You can’t ask for more. 

Just because you didn’t ask, doesn’t mean that the show won’t deliver something extra. I like to think that nothing reflects a society’s unsightly reality like a well-done fantasy, and this one hits closer to home the more time that passes. A thinly veiled commentary on human flaws and how difficult it is to be a good person, Love and Redemption is a drama for the ages.

This is going to get lengthy, so to prepare you, here’s how I’m divvying up this piece:

Part I: All of Them Are Classist

Part II: All of Them Are Sexist

Part III: All of Them Are Racist

Part IV: Love Wins All

---

Part I: All of Them Are Classist

It’s not my intention to disgust anyone right out of the gate, but we need to talk about Wu Tong. Do you hear what I hear? Yes, it’s the distant echo of Wu Tong’s nefarious laughter, resounding between the walls of my skull.

Quite simply, Wu Tong is the worst. (Or at least he would be, if it weren’t for that other fellow named Bai Lin. That dude will get a glaring spotlight later in this essay, trust me.) But it’s not for no reason.

Coming from a background of poverty, Wu Tong spends most of his young life trying to prove himself to upper class cultivators who don’t have any interest in who he is, only in what he has to offer them. He earns his place in his sect through relentless hard work. He utilizes unsportsmanlike methods in his attempts to win the battle tournament in opening episodes. It's not just a competition to him—he's directly told that if he gets anything other than first place, he can forget about keeping his place in his sect.

When he and the protagonists first meet, his prideful personality results from his inferiority complex. There’s no doubt that he’s a powerful cultivator, but the issue is how he finds that to be his only real value. He doesn't bother to be likable, because what's the point in doing that? Being likable doesn't fill an empty stomach. But the more he disrespects others in an effort to make himself appear important, the more others look down on him, and the more he overcompensates by fighting back even more. It’s a vicious cycle—one that never ends because no one involved wants to take the first step back.

Knowing what type of person he becomes, it’s hard to pity him in any capacity. However, it would still be unfair to ignore how others mistreat him before he even turns into a true enemy.

One scene that sticks out to me happens early on, where Wu Tong nearly injures Xuanji during a 1v1 battle against Minyan. The protagonist crew insists on getting payback. Okay, I’m with it. You can’t let such reckless violence slide. I guess they’ll get their revenge in a later stage of the tournament by beating him into the ground? 

Nah. That would be too reasonable. What they actually opt for is tricking him to fall into a trap by putting up a “have you seen my lost snake?” poster with a financial reward, knowing that he’ll be fooled because…he’s poor.

Sifeng: I asked around. Wu Tong was born to a family of lower status. He lives frugally. The reason he trains so hard is because he hopes to become someone powerful one day. […] Now he needs the money urgently to buy medicine and recuperate his inner strength before his next battle. Minyan: When you put it that way, doesn’t that mean he has no choice but to come for the ten night pearls?

Sifeng…oh no. Not you too.

The way Wu Tong behaves doesn’t warrant anyone being amicable toward him. I, too, have a nonexistent tolerance for obnoxious, violent egoists. But if later episodes are any evidence, this scene foreshadows that two wrongs won’t make a right. If they want to teach him a lesson, they shouldn’t stoop so low as to take advantage of his poverty. His family background is the one thing about him that isn’t his fault, yet it’s the one thing they choose to use against him. That’s what I call “going too far.”

Now that he's been hit where it hurts, Wu Tong feels justified in going too far himself. In a fit of desperation and contempt prompted by his master abandoning him, he stabs Xuanji. Not great. Things get extremely not great when you remember that Xuanji is the daughter of a sect leader. That quickly transforms Wu Tong’s attempted murder/almost manslaughter into the evilest act known to mankind. All five sects turn against him to hunt him down and kill him. I’m no law or philosophy expert, but I’m pretty sure the punishment for almost manslaughter is not the death penalty. 

The five sects can treat him as their prey because he doesn’t have a support system to counter them. If he were the son of another sect leader, the thought of killing him would never even have entered their minds. Targeting him so relentlessly has less to do with justice and more to do with exerting power over a lower-class young man who hurt someone infinitely more “important” than him. 

That imbalance between crime and punishment is what pushes Wu Tong over the edge. He goes on the run for several years before officially succumbing to the call of evil, after which he becomes truly irredeemable. Still, you’re occasionally reminded of his struggle—is he destined to be a villain? Or is throwing aside his remaining morality just his best chance at survival? 

Do you have any idea how I survived these past several years, when you were all trying to kill me? What did I do back then that was so unforgivable? Did your sister die? Was it warranted for all five sects to team up against me, an average disciple? Was it warranted to back me into a corner over and over again, to force me to claw out of hell? Open your eyes and look at me! These past four years, I’ve already died countless times. Every time, I clawed my way back out of hell. Five hundred taels? You want to take my life with a measly five hundred taels? Don’t look down on me. Touch here. I have a fake leg. That’s what your five sects have left me with. What’s that look of yours? Guilt? Pity? I’m not telling you this for you to pity me. I, Wu Tong, survived this far because I must have my revenge.

Something my mom likes to say is if you find yourself going against someone—but especially a dangerous person—you must leave a path for their survival. It’s less for their sake than it is for yours. Should you eliminate all their options, they’ll have no choice but to bite. And they’ll make sure it hurts like hell. 

As an impetuous teenager, Wu Tong is in the wrong. He needs to be taught that his actions are unacceptable. But that can’t be accomplished by putting a bounty on his head and demanding that he be murdered. That’s how you turn a scoundrel into a monster.

Minyan, Wu Tong’s foil, similarly doesn’t come from an optimal background. An orphan, he was taken in by the Shaoyang Sect without the obvious pressure that Wu Tong suffers. Even so, he can’t escape the innate inequality that seems to exist between him and his fellow disciples. It especially affects him because he’s in love with Linglong, Xuanji’s sister but more importantly…also the daughter of the sect leader! Poor guy.

When I was little, kids in the village would surround me every day and call me a bastard child with no parents. I could only pretend that I didn’t hear them. Because if I took it to heart, they would only ridicule me more. We can’t shut the mouths of people who want to slander us. But we can choose not to listen.

He may think that he’s past it, but later episodes see Minyan being manipulated using that exact insecurity. It’s easy to impersonate his master and nudge him to become a “spy” in the enemy base because he’s compelled to prove himself worthy of the sect and worthy of Linglong. Fake Sect Leader Chu Lei tells him:

When I first met you, you were only eight years old. You were homeless on the streets, starving and shivering. Still, you clung to your family dagger and refused to pawn it. In that moment, I knew that you were a child with an iron will. That’s why I’m here to find you today.

I can agree that Minyan is really stupid to immediately believe that his master, a guy well-known for pretending to do important things more than he actually does them, would tell him to do something as reckless as invade enemy territory. However, he also heeds the impostor’s instructions because realistically, his master asking him to prove himself is something that could happen. Any good disciple would naturally want to repay their masters for their favor, let alone a disciple who would otherwise have nowhere else to go.

The contrast between Minyan and Wu Tong shoves itself in your face as you watch, primarily through their respective relationships with Linglong (well, one of them has a relationship. The other is a creep. Can you guess who’s who?). Without family backing, the two men both struggle to find their place in the world, but they’re complete opposites purely because of their upbringing. Thankfully for Minyan, he found a family amongst people who don’t treat him as “another,” even if he may think of himself as such.

Wu Tong isn’t so fortunate. You can say it’s his own doing, a result of his terrible personality, but he certainly wasn’t born like that. And now someone will pay for it.

---

Part II: All of Them Are Sexist

As a caveat, I’ll mention that the main cast really could have used a woman who isn’t some combination of foolish, lovestruck, and/or loud. But I’m willing to overlook it just this once because the writers excel in highlighting both the ladies' flaws and how we as an audience exaggerate those flaws through our own preconceptions. 

Working backwards in terms of plot importance, we can start with Xiao Yinhua. Sifeng’s snake familiar in a human form, Xiao Yinhua is like most female leads from the turn of the millennium in that her only real strength is throwing temper tantrums. She’s also like most second female leads from the turn of the millennium in that she constantly prefers using underhanded tactics and harming others to achieve her goals—in other words, a snake. Oh. I guess that makes sense.

Her affections toward Sifeng cloud her already nonexistent judgment and prompt her to make some of the worst decisions made by anyone, ever. At first, I thought I was being unfair toward her because of my own internalized misogyny. But no. I can say with absolute confidence that I would abhor this character no matter what gender or creature or object she may be. She has no redeeming qualities aside from teaching us that someone foolish, lovestruck, and loud is doomed to self-sabotage. From that perspective, she’s still a valuable character to have because now we know that before we act, we should think: would Xiao Yinhua do that thing? If she would, do not do that thing. 

If Xiao Yinhua were willing to grow up, she could become more similar to Zi Hu. Zi Hu almost acts as a parallel to Sifeng—hopelessly in love with someone who doesn’t return the affection for a literal thousand years. Also, both are very pretty. Ahem.

Zi Hu’s thousand years’ worth of experience gives her the skills to back up her unrelenting feelings for Wu Zhiqi. She’s a rarity in that her driving force is a man—a motivation that's typically a reputation ruiner for female characters—but you find her lovable instead of thinking that she lacks self-respect. The key is that her love isn’t blind and rash like Xiao Yinhua’s. Zi Hu has a plan to save Wu Zhiqi from his prison and she carries it out with intention. In other words, it’s okay to focus on love, but only if you can take responsibility for your feelings. 

Ting Nu: Why go so far? When did Wu Zhiqi ever tell you that he loved you? Your affections are merely one-sided. Zi Hu: When did he tell me he didn’t love me? Look, once I rescue him, he’ll have to be with me to thank me. 

Because Zi Hu is a literal fox, people suspect her both for being a demon and for being the demon notorious for seducing men to consume their souls. The latter is quickly debunked and becomes less of an issue than her just being a plain demon. I nonetheless find it hilarious how everyone balks when she shows them her harem of men gleefully living in her backyard. Yep, she’s a cunning vixen. You can just keep wishing you could join that harem.

Zi Hu: You're trying to shoo me away. You think I’ll storm out because of your petty tricks? You’re underestimating me. I’ve already decided, starting today, I’m going to follow you everywhere. Even if you don’t want me to, I’m going to cling to you. This old spirit isn’t going to let those thousand years of waiting be in vain. Wherever you go, I’m going with. If you dare sneak peeks at other pretty women, I’ll dig out your monkey eyes. All in all, if I’m around, no pretty woman can enter your vision. As if you could bear to leave me behind if I hang around for another thousand years!

Xiao Yinhua and Zi Hu aren’t overly victimized based on their gender within the show itself. For the better too, because whoever dares to do so would probably end up dead by a fox's claws and a snake's teeth. These two characters' existences test your innate view of female characters instead. What is it that matters to you in a female character? What standards do you hold against them?

(**Content warning for the below segment until the next purple break: brief mentions of sexual assault and suicide.)

And that's where we come to Linglong. Linglong is a loudmouthed spoiled brat. She's overbearing, and while she wants to protect Xuanji, her method of doing it is by crying crocodile tears and throwing temper tantrums in front of their father. No wonder she and Xiao Yinhua clash—two childish people who both have a compulsion to win arguments? Forget it.

A bulk of the drama sees Linglong’s primordial spirit being taken and held captive by Wu Tong. Wu Tong puts half of her primordial spirit into the body of a flower demon, whom he also forces to take on Linglong’s physical appearance. No other reason, he just wants to have his way with someone who looks and acts like Linglong, the person who jeered at him all those years ago. By the time the real Linglong recovers her primordial spirit, Wu Tong has done enough damage that she’s haunted by nightmares and memories of someone who assaulted her when she couldn't even fight back.

The lead-up to this arc is incredibly disturbing and takes root in the very first episode. On my first watch-through, I thought their relationship would take a classic enemies-to-lovers path. The directors and writers pull you in this direction with no subtlety, showing a smitten Wu Tong when he first lays eyes on Linglong. They then keep the scam going by having him act out in awful ways as he attempts to gain her attention. That’s right, it’s the brainwashing girls receive when they’re on the playground: “he pulls your hair because he likes you."

During their first meeting, Linglong is surrounded by a halo filter from Wu Tong’s perspective. Knowing what he’ll later do to her makes the seeming innocuousness of this scene revolting, but it's necessary. It's the first of many steps to prove that someone’s “affections” can’t be used as an excuse for harming whomever’s on the receiving end of them. 

Linglong can be an extremely annoying person. Her outspokenness and difficult temper shape her into an unlikable character, which then ensures that by the time Wu Tong captures her, the audience almost instinctively wants to say that it’s her fault. We all know the talk track: “he liked her, so why couldn’t she just have been nicer to him? She asked for it by being mean to him.”

When Linglong first offends Wu Tong, it isn’t for no reason: she’s angry because he endangers her sister’s life over and over again. Admittedly, she goes overboard in her retaliation against him. So what? Linglong being mean to Wu Tong and Wu Tong later targeting her are indeed connected events, but the former doesn't justify the latter. If we say that the five sects hunting Wu Tong down isn’t a fair punishment, then isn’t it also unfair for him to turn the tables on her in such a way? 

Essentially, Linglong isn’t the “ideal” victim. That’s what makes her arc all the more heartbreaking. To this day, society wants to find any excuses for the assailant. Any mistake, any flaw of the victim's will be used against her. As humans, maybe it’s instinct for us to hope that bad things only happen to bad people, and victim-blaming is our twisted way of making that an impossible reality. 

Overcome with depression and trauma, Linglong is unable to come to terms with what Wu Tong did to her. Men gossip about her and her “relationship” with the enemy, sometimes harassing her straight to her face. Wu Tong himself finds great delight in taunting her about her “sharing his bed,” not only relishing the memories but also enjoying how much it torments her.

Linglong: It was my fault that I was captured by Wu Tong, wasn’t it? [...] Everyone thinks so. I didn’t want to be captured by Wu Tong. But after Wu Tong said all those things, everyone thinks so. Minyan: Linglong, why care about what everyone else thinks? Just pretend that you didn’t hear any of it. Linglong: But I did hear them. Why do I need to pretend I didn’t? It’s something that actually happened, so why do I need to play dumb and trick myself into thinking it didn’t? Are you going to be like them too, and mock me?

All the accusations brainwash her into thinking everything is her fault. To Wu Tong and all the people judging her, she’s nothing but a pawn to be used for their own entertainment. And once she and Minyan leave the protection of the sect, everyone finds her an easy target to push around. Hoping that her death will mean freedom for both herself and her loved ones, she attempts to drown herself before being yanked back to life and reality by Minyan.

Linglong’s struggle is many women’s worst nightmare. It’s also a diligent representation of PTSD, something that I normally wouldn’t expect from a xianxia drama. Even after she's rescued and everyone tells her that her suffering is over, it never feels over for her. At night, Lingling is awoken by harrowing dreams of Wu Tong returning to kidnap her once again:

Nightmare!Wu Tong: You’ll always belong to me. You can’t escape.

The conclusion to her arc being Wu Tong’s death and his literal letting go of her may be quite idealistic. But I prefer to think that giving Linglong her happy ending is the writers’ way of trying to assuage our fears, of showing us that there will always be another sunrise regardless of what happens.

(**Content warning end.)

Linglong becomes the drama’s strongest woman-centric plot, and I really love that the writers did it with a character whose personality isn't the most appealing. She's the imperfect woman we can find in every corner of the world, a representation of women overall instead of the minority who are considered "deserving" of justice.

Next to her, Xuanji also gets a short end of the stick. She's constantly being pushed to marry Hao Chen. Every excuse in the book is used against her: they're a fated couple, he's the only one that can take care of her, doesn't she agree that this is a part of her duty? No matter how logically she objects to it, no one really cares what she thinks. If she objects, she’s being headstrong, and that’s the end of it. (More on Xuanji to come in Part IV of this essay.)

And aside from Bai Lin’s more obvious transgressions (we're getting to those), what really irked me is just how twisted he makes the God of War’s rebellion appear in others’ eyes. The logic turns quickly from “Bai Lin must have done something wrong” into “the God of War must have been in love with Bai Lin and grew resentful that he rejected her.” I guess it’s very believable that the God of War would want to destroy the entire universe because some guy wouldn’t date her? That’s right, you can be the most accomplished woman in your field and someone will still want to attribute everything you do to being motivated by romance.

Naturally, the next question is—why is Bai Lin such a weirdo? Why does he insist on turning his friend Luohou Jidu, a man, into a woman when creating the God of War? Hmm. I smell a waft of homophobia...

---

Part III: All of Them Are Racist

And except for a small minority, I really mean "all of them" this time. Humans and celestial beings are racist toward demons. Demons are racist back toward humans and celestial beings. If you asked both sides who started it, they'd point at the other without hesitation. "They started it. By existing."

I don’t even know where to start with this topic. Part of me believes this entire section of analysis could be extraneous—do I really need to do a deep dive when you could just click a random timestamp of a random episode and have a 50% chance of finding a character saying something incredibly racist? No case studies necessary. The drama is the case study.

Obviously, while I may say that all the different races are racist toward one another, some are notably more egregious in their discrimination than others. The five sects, being in power, are the worst offenders. Every other second, someone is reminding another that they need to wipe out demons. Just the utterance of the word “demon” makes them froth at the mouth. In their possession, they have treasure troves of weapons and magical devices whose collective main purpose is to identify and kill demons. Perhaps you know someone in real life who thinks that hating something is a personality trait—that’s the five sects in a nutshell.

Zi Hu and Ting Nu are continuously snubbed for not being human even after they’ve long proven that they’re more help than harm. Ting Nu is a doctor, but even saving Hao Chen doesn’t make them think of him as anything but a demon who is evil in his very bones. Demons can do everything right, but the high and mighty humans are too pure and innocent to associate with them…aside from killing and torturing them, of course.

Highlighted Exhibit A: Sifeng almost being tortured and whipped to death based on the mere suspicion that he’s a demon. The fact that he is one doesn’t matter. His assailants operate on the doctrine that they’d rather kill an innocent person than let a demon roam free. Every action to rid the world of a demon is a virtuous one. It's a reenactment of the Monty Python witch trial but they're being completely serious. 

Highlighted Exhibit B: the other sects band together to wipe out Lize Palace without solid confirmation as to whether they’re all demons. They’re operating on the same principle as in Exhibit A, so at least you can praise them for being consistent.

Highlighted Exhibit C: before Sifeng is revealed to be a pretty bird, Xuanji’s repeated defense of him consists of "Sifeng isn’t a demon." The main purpose of these lines is to instill further fear into Sifeng and give him more reason to keep lying to her, all while Xuanji's trust in him deepens. But is it also some of her lingering innate judgment seeping through? A subconscious understanding that her family and sect will never accept a demon as her boyfriend? Well, joke’s on them because he’s one hot bird.

So how are you supposed to survive as a demon? Lize Palace results from the humans’ desire to eradicate an entire race of demons. Just as Wu Tong is driven only by revenge, the demons of Lize Palace just need to survive for long enough to one day remove their masks and live as themselves. Humans’ endless thirst for blood does nothing but fuel demons’ fire of rebellion and keep the wheel of tragedy turning.

As for the “bad guys” of Tianxu Hall? At least when they commit the same acts of evil as the other five sects, they’re willing to admit that being evil isn’t beyond them.

Yuan Lang is an extremely successful villain for this very reason. All of us love Yuan Lang, so much that we start grinning whenever he comes on-screen with his fan and sarcastic mouth. So much that when it's revealed he's been consuming people's souls, all my mom had to say about it was: “Oh. That's mean of him.”

He plots and he lies and he murders, but he doesn’t put up a facade of holding himself to a lofty moral standard. It’s also quite telling that while Yuan Lang machinates behind the scenes, 90% of his time is spent standing by and calling others out on their bullshit. Everyone around him creates their own downfall. He just happens to benefit from their stupidity.

Man with a fan and a plan. I like. 

Even so, Yuan Lang isn’t invulnerable to emotion. One of my absolute favorite scenes is where Di Lang sacrifices himself so Yuan Lang can make a getaway. It’s the only instance of Yuan Lang being subject to the pain of caring about someone else. Those short moments contrast so starkly against the sects’ inhumanity that suddenly, a revolution doesn’t seem all that bad.

Behind the bulky mask, his despair is apparent. Man. This actor’s come a long way since his F4—I mean, H4 days. If you've never watched Let's Go Watch Meteor Shower Together, don't.

Finally, we arrive on the topic of Bai Lin. Oh, boy. I still haven’t watched Blood of Youth because seeing the actor’s face triggers my fight-or-flight response. And it’s been years.

Bai Lin, the one racist to rule them all. The guy must have a handbook on “How to Be Racist” or something—how else could the contempt that spews from his mouth, the spark of repugnance in his eyes, and the brazen obstinacy in his opinions be so immaculate?

The entire drama consists of setting the stage for the full reveal of Bai Lin turning Luohou Jidu into a weapon of war to be used against his own people. By the time all the pieces fall into place, you’ve already witnessed the tragedy created by discriminatory practices between mortals. You've seen how Sifeng is targeted and Xuanji forced to move her hand against him. You've seen how the sects use their power to harm instead of help. You've seen how demons plot their revenge for centuries. Once Bai Lin is confirmed to be the genesis of all that, there’s nothing left for you to feel but utter revulsion.

Bai Lin: Celestial beings and demons cannot coexist. How could my Heavenly Realm possibly hold a marriage with the Devil Tribe? Luohou Jidu: Celestial beings and demons cannot coexist...Then why do you drink with me today? Why are you friends with me? Bai Lin: Naturally, Brother Jidu, you’re different from other demons and devils. Out of all the demons and devils in this world, Brother Jidu is my only friend.

Can’t believe he even pulls the "you’re one of the good ones" card.

Bai Lin, practitioner of unethical tactics: his ultimate decision to trick and use Luohou Jidu results from racism-induced paranoia. He simply can’t believe that his friend will remain his friend, not unless he becomes "one of us." He thinks the God of War should appreciate that he's given her power and invested his time and energy in her tenth reincarnation, going so far as fool her into thinking that they loved each other once upon a time. Once Xuanji shows herself capable of independent thought, he doesn’t hesitate in turning against her and manipulating her to destroy her own self. He eventually sacrifices the entire world for the Heavenly Realm's survival. After all, what's the value of an entire planet's human and demon population in the face of his power?

He's the representation of what happens when those in power, those who have the best chance of righting wrongs and preventing more from happening, decide to perpetuate the problem. At the same time, he presents the predicament that those we rely on to give us justice are also victims of their own emotions and fears.

I venture to say that Bai Lin is the best-written antagonist in modern xianxia. He’s ruthless but has a moral compass, albeit one that only points in one direction—toward himself. His hubris aside, you have to admit that he genuinely believes he's acting for the greater good. The ends justify the means because he thinks he’s bettering the world.

Bai Lin makes awful decisions that involve genocide and cruelty because he operates on a strict utilitarian philosophy. "I do what I think will bring the best results, even if it means sacrificing something huge in the process." He’s the most dangerous character and the person we should also fear in real life because he’ll stop at nothing to create his definition of a paradise.

It would be easy to dismiss him as simply being a bad person. However, this show draws from reality in that every person exists in a gray area between good and bad. You can lean one way or the other, but you don’t fall completely into either. And that’s the foundation of the show's conflicts. Everyone's so busy trying to define what’s right and wrong that they’ve lost sight of basic compassion.

When he’s finally faced with the consequences of his actions, Bai Lin is driven to despair. He feels true remorse over what he’s done, but only because he’s fortunate enough to actually witness how the thousand-year conflict wouldn't have existed without him. We as people aren’t so lucky—those “what if”s will forever remain in the shrouded realm of impossibility.

Heavenly Emperor: You always thought that evil had sparked in the hearts of the God of War and Luohou Jidu. But the one in whom evil truly sparked was you. All things and happenings in this world are originally empty. From emptiness comes meaning. Yin and yang reverse; they support and restrain one another. The Heavenly Realm was originally empty. The Asura, too, was empty. If all is empty, then how could the Heavenly Realm be superior; and the Mortal Realm, Demon Realm, and Devil Realm be inferior? Your excessive concern for the safety of the Heavenly Realm prompted evil to take root in your heart, unable to be undone.

Seeing him in such despair almost makes me feel bad for him. Maybe I do have too much sympathy.

At this point, it's already too late to repair the damage he's caused, a realization that causes him further anguish. He rids himself of his divinity to show his remorse and accepts death. But he's already caused so much pain to everyone else. Who can put back together the world that he's destroyed?

---

Part IV: Love Wins All

(We love IU for her perfect song that also gave me the best possible final section title.)

As I seek to be conscious of my own biases, I once wondered: why is it that shaking my head at a female character for being dedicated to a man comes so naturally to me, but I can’t be more gleeful to see Sifeng put his heart out on a platter for Xuanji? Perhaps I’m also sexist. Perhaps I have double standards.

Then I thought about it some more and realized everyone loves Sifeng because he’s so blatantly unrealistic that you’re immediately able to sink yourself into his fictional beauty. He transcends gender norms because there is no person of any gender who would go to the extent that he does for Xuanji, nor is there anyone who could remain as levelheaded when faced with some of the most shameless people known to mankind. Forget all the people flying on swords and uttering magic spells. The biggest absurdity in Love and Redemption is its male lead. Yes, I'm a skeptic. But we're so lucky to have him.

Sifeng grew up in a bizarrely backwards environment where—instead of girls needing to cover up to not attract men’s attention—all men need to protect themselves by wearing masks and not associating with the opposite sex. Brainwashed for years to believe that Lize Palace is the only safe space for golden fire birds like himself, he keeps cautious around people while still harboring a subconscious longing for their warmth.

In my entire life, I never knew what a "friend" is. I finally understand now, the meaning of "fervent friendship."

Sifeng is established as the loyal lover extremely quickly. He's whipped—figuratively and literally—for Xuanji, his sheltered childhood leaving him defenseless against her unintentionally flirtatious mannerisms. He teaches her about her lost senses without judgment, nurtures limitless patience with her and others by proxy, and isn't afraid to question the status quo.

We love Sifeng for his wisdom and levelheadedness. He sees things for what they are and is commonly the voice of empathy and reason within a world of selfishness. The entire show is Sifeng going, "I might as well do it myself" in every situation because no one else cares, is capable enough, or both. He's the guy in group projects who quietly does everything and doesn't even get mad that you're the most useless team member ever. What a saint.

In the xianxia universe, he's distinct husband material (which isn’t saying much since the bar there is so low that you'd need to dig yourself a grave to reach it—which is also great because then you already have a place to go once your xianxia spouse gets you killed. I digress). His loyalty to not only others, but also who he is and what he wants, leaves him able to counter the complacency with hatred and evil permeating the world around him.

With his endless empathy, he's able to understand Luohou Jidu. While Sifeng's earliest motivation in facing the greatest devil is only to save Xuanji, he later views Luohou Jidu as an individual with his own sufferings. He's the only one to truly view Luohou Jidu as himself, not someone to eliminate, not just an extension of Xuanji. To Sifeng, everyone deserves a chance to be heard before a verdict is passed over them.

Not to mention, these two’s interactions are absolutely hilarious. I wish I could've seen the extensive conversations that must’ve went on in the censorship agency over them. 

Fellas, is it gay to clasp a guy’s hands within your own and stare deeply into his eyes while reminiscing about your loving relationship if he’s technically got a woman captive in his brain? 

But perhaps what shines the brightest about Sifeng is how he suffers. He's so pretty when he suffers. Wait. That's not my point.

When his Lovers’ Curse triggers for the first time, Xiao Yinhua speaks the gospel that a lot of the audience probably has in mind: "you did so much for her, you were so good to her, but she doesn’t love you back." And it sounds kind of right? But also kind of not? Then Sifeng opens his mouth and you think, "oh, crap, I've been brainwashed by misogyny yet again."

She never asked me to like her. If someone wants to kill another just because she doesn’t reciprocate their feelings, then that person will never be loved. They also don’t deserve to love another.

Again and again, Sifeng puts himself in harm's way to keep loving Xuanji. Sure, he wants her to love him back, but that's secondary to his desire to be honest with his own feelings.

With the bright beacon of light that is Sifeng’s blinding love, I feel most viewers overlook Xuanji’s capabilities as a female lead. Her comparative passiveness in the relationship makes it seem as if she doesn’t love him enough. I attribute this to the same reason as our previous conclusions, that female characters in romance dramas have a harder time garnering the audience’s approval than their male counterparts. Are we innately more judgmental toward women, or is the standard for men still so low that we’re already impressed when a guy surpasses the bare minimum? Probably both.

It's easy to forget that Xuanji is the one who's nice to Sifeng first. When they first meet, Xuanji literally falls into his arms. Then he just…drops her. (And they say chivalry is dead.) But Xuanji doesn’t care.

The rules of his sect push Sifeng into being a bit of a porcupine in his demeanor. He puts up a wall against everyone, but especially Xuanji. After all, as an innocent boy, Sifeng needs to protect himself from evil women. Or something.

Xuanji is the one who can't take the hint tries to befriend him and tears down his wall with the gentle, graceful nature of a sledgehammer. She insists that she'll retrieve his lost mask because she knows it's important to him. When she discovers that Sifeng is punished over it, Xuanji is the one to point out how unfair it is. Her straightforwardness and sense of principle are the reason Sifeng begins to open up at all.

Xuanji: I’m the one who took off his mask. If you want to hit someone, hit me. [...] Not to mention, he almost died trying to get his mask back. So I'd like to ask you, Palace Leader, is Sifeng's life more important, or is that mask more important?

She knows no fear, so she doesn't consider emotionless rules to be worth anything if they cause pain for the people she cares about. In many ways, Xuanji is the one who teaches Sifeng to stand up for what he believes in.

That Xuanji lacks her six senses makes her the least susceptible to the prejudicial habits of her surroundings. She accepts what they believe, that demons are bad, but only because that's all she knows. Whereas most of her peers are content remaining in their ignorance, this supposedly heartless gal is curious about the world. She can easily abandon her preconceptions in favor of what she witnesses the world to be.

It takes constant practice and tests for Xuanji to completely shed her old beliefs. The introduction of Zi Hu marks the beginning of her growth. Xuanji, concerned and angry that Zi Hu is holding her friends captive, fully intends on killing the fox until Ting Nu reasons with her:

Ting Nu: Zi Hu isn’t a malicious demon. You shouldn’t threaten her life. Xuanji: But she kidnapped my friends. How can I spare her? [...] No. She did bad things, so I have to kill her. Ting Nu: [...] Zi Hu has never actually harmed anybody. She’s simply misguided by her anxieties. You should spare her life. […] If you discover that she’s actually committing malicious acts, you could kill her then, no?

If it were Minyan or Linglong in her position, you could bet that they'd ignore Ting Nu. For one, he's a merman, so of course he'd protect another demon. To Xuanji's credit, she really does give Zi Hu—and Ting Nu—the benefit of the doubt. Does she have to? No. But she does anyway.

If Sifeng’s love comes naturally, then Xuanji’s comes through determination. Who's to say that one is inherently better than the other? It takes ten lifetimes for her to understand a semblance of love. She wants dearly to understand what it means to "like" someone, even though she's already the least unafraid to show how much she cares about others.

After she successfully grows the heart light for Sifeng, I don't think anyone is more excited than Xuanji herself. Look how proud she is. Obviously, she's happy she can use it to protect him, but I imagine that she also views it as the clearest proof that she’s as human as anybody else and as capable of loving as anyone else. Sifeng may be stunned when the heart light disappears, but Xuanji falls despondent—she really wants Sifeng to be someone important to her.

People sometimes struggle to see past Xuanji’s initial naivety. They're especially harsh toward her for not seeing what Sifeng has sacrificed for her until it’s almost too late. It's true, the drama primarily favors Sifeng's perspective, so it's easy to only see what he’s done and ignore Xuanji’s efforts.

In spite of warnings from Sifeng himself to not do so, Xuanji emerges to save him from the third lash of the demon whip. You go, girl.

Love isn’t a competition. But for the sake of the discussion, let's say proof is needed that Xuanji’s effort in the relationship matches Sifeng’s. In that case, the important part is looking at what they sacrifice in a relative scope instead of an absolute one.

The things that Sifeng sacrifices are astronomical. He climbs a tower blustering with an eternal blizzard and puts on the Lovers' Curse mask. He stands right in the middle of the conflict between humans and demons even though there’s no way humans will spare him. He gets stabbed…a lot. But everything he does is a result of his own will and careful calculations—they’re all things he knows he can take responsibility for.

Sifeng's major flaw is that he's a massive liar. He's not right to lie, but he's also right to be scared about what would happen if he doesn't. As a demon, he knows what happens to anyone who isn't distinctly human. That's why he conceals his identity from Xuanji.

Then, once he discovers that Xuanji is also the reincarnation of the Star of Mosha, his fear is ignited again for her sake. Xuanji has almost always been defined by what she is, not who. She's berated for being useless when she doesn’t have her six senses. The moment she’s revealed to have the God of War's power, suddenly everyone finds her more than useful. If she's publicly revealed to be the Star of Mosha, then she'd be killed without question, and the person that is “Xuanji” will also cease to exist. Just as he doesn’t want Xuanji to view him and as anything other than himself, Sifeng doesn't want anyone else to view Xuanji as anyone other than herself. That's also why out of everyone, the one person he must keep the Star of Mosha secret from is Xuanji herself.

When Sifeng's lies begin to unfold, Xuanji is left to handle the mess he's inadvertently created. Suddenly discovering that he's a demon and also protective of the demon that possibly murdered her mother, Xuanji is torn. Her wavering faith in him isn't because of his identity, but because he lied to her.

Zi Hu: Do you dislike it that much, that [Sifeng] is a demon? Xuanji: Should I not? Zi Hu: Well, you healed my wounds. And you’re friends with me and Ting Nu, a merman. As for little Sifeng, he’s not a malicious demon who harms people. I don’t think he was aware of what went on with Tianxu Hall and Lize Palace. Xuanji: That’s different! He shouldn’t have lied to me. He’s the person I trust the most. But he even kept from me who he is. Then, all the things he told me and did with me in the past…what part of it all was real and what was fake? Zi Hu: What’s real and what’s fake? Can’t you just drag him over here and ask him? If he’s a scumbag, just kill him. But if there’s any misunderstandings, the two of you should clear them up. Resolve them and see what solutions there are. When two people are together, the scariest thing is misunderstanding one another for no reason. If you lose each other, that might be the end, forever. You’d regret that. 

And then she eventually does try to kill him. Good going, Zi Hu.

Xuanji's main conflict in the latter half of the drama is that she wants to find a solution that satisfies everyone, an impossible dilemma. Everyone starts pressuring her to lead the charge against the demons. It's her duty as the God of War, isn't it? Oh, but if she doesn't want to, it's because she's in love with the enemy. But she can't be in love with the enemy. She's the God of War, after all.

That’s the duplicitous world that Xuanji lives in. Yet, without knowing why he's been dishonest or what else he could be lying about, she still chooses to believe in Sifeng—even if it means being treated as a traitor herself and being further guilt-tripped. She's bound to her duty, family, and the expectations that come along with that. Going against them in any capacity is a challenge to her entire livelihood and the moral standards imposed on her. If you take that into account, suddenly the things that she risks don’t pale in comparison what Sifeng does for her.

As an omniscient audience, it's easy for us to say that she doesn't do enough, that she should know better. It's an interesting thought experiment to wonder what else she could do in such a situation. Her boyfriend lies to her. She believes he has a reason, believes in him when he tells her to trust him. She defends him repeatedly to people who don't even care to listen unless it's to interrupt and call her crazy. She lies to her father that she'll devote herself to killing demons like Sifeng so they'll stop calling her crazy and threatening her. Then, when she goes to rescue Sifeng from Mingxia Cave, he's suddenly getting passive-aggressive with her: “oh, what does the mighty God of War need from a lowly demon like me that she deigns to talk to me?” Bro…if I were her, I might just ditch him in a fit of rage. That's how you want to play? Have fun turning into frozen poultry in this cave, then.

Obviously, more is going on behind the scenes that Xuanji is completely unaware of. Sifeng almost dies from her fire magic that Hao Chen stole. The broken hairpin. And okay, I'll admit that her saying that she'll kill him while he's eavesdropping outside is not a great look. But come on, Sifeng. Where have your critical thinking skills gone? If you can lie, don’t you think Xuanji can too? And after all that, she still instinctively shields him from her father’s sword.

Sifeng. In this case, I do have to criticize you in a serious manner. Do you have any idea how hard it was for Xuanji to finally try to get herself stabbed for you, only for you to go “no, me” and get stabbed again? Do you have a sword-magnet in your chest?

Then Sifeng tells her that he’s never loved her and was only using her because he’s Luohou Jidu, the world's biggest villain. And she still can't bear to hurt him. When Xuanji discovers that Hao Chen has tricked her into using a so-called “Purifying Vase” to doom Sifeng to a painful death, she's furious:

Xuanji: For my own good? You want me to practice the Method of Love, but you also want me to be heartless. I can’t be so contradictory. Hao Chen: I told you to practice the Method of Love through feelings between you and me, not for you to continuously absorb yourself in your fixation on Sifeng! Xuanji, don’t forget. Our marriage is one determined by the heavens. It’s destiny. Xuanji: The heavens determine nothing. If they do, then why did they make Sifeng and I meet in our past nine lives? What a joke of the heavens. Hao Chen: So, you’d rather resign yourself to your doomed fate with that demon than stay properly by my side? Xuanji: Fate isn’t split into a virtuous or doomed one. I hate myself for loving Sifeng before, and we won’t ever be together again. But since I already gave him my love, I won’t take it back.

But of course, Hao Chen has more tricks up his Mary Poppins sleeves. He pulls out all the stops and uses his last breath to manipulate her into stabbing Sifeng. Oh my god. Look at all these trust issues, just making themselves readily available.

Her stabbing him is, how do you say, very bad. But let’s be honest, she’s seen him survive worse. I don't have a nifty conclusion is here, but basically, she subconsciously knows he'll get over it (physically, at least).

Of course, Sifeng is heartbroken. It's intensified by the tragic fate of his father. His father’s goal was always to protect Sifeng from the dangers posed by the racist five sects, led primarily by fabricated memories that his lover Hao Feng was driven to suicide by her own family. When Yuan Lang reveals the truth, that Hao Feng's fear of demons trumped her love for her husband, it’s intense foreshadowing of Sifeng and Xuanji’s relationship. Maybe Xuanji isn't like Hao Feng and she can cross the rift between humans and demons, meeting Sifeng in the middle. But finally, she still retreats, away from him. Her betrayal, now the tenth in all their lifetimes, leads Sifeng to leave behind some of the most truthful but hurtful words for Xuanji to deal with:

I finally understand why my fate turned out as it did in all my past nine lives. From beginning to end, you have always been a heartless person.

It’s not fair to ask Sifeng to keep considering Xuanji’s feelings under the brunt of her violent wrath. But just as she has no idea what he’s been doing to protect her, he has no idea what she’s been doing to protect him. Zi Hu is right again: nothing poses a greater danger to a couple than misunderstandings. And racism.

The ultimate resolution only occurs once Xuanji recovers the memories of their past lives. Congratulations, Sifeng. After a millennium of pining, your love has finally touched the heart of your beloved. Indeed, it might take a long time getting there, but love will find a way.

I love the short scenes that show the God of War and Xi Xuan's quiet but gentle relationship. Xi Xuan is the only one who cares that the God of War wants her own identity, then gives her a moment in which she doesn't have to wear her armor, just as Sifeng does everything in his power to let Xuanji be "Xuanji." Through all their lives, Sifeng is the one who recognizes her for who she is and wants to make her happy, even if she doesn't have a heart.

Activate: Xuanji, shameless mode. After Xuanji tracks down Sifeng in his solitude, they return to their days as teenagers. Xuanji acts like a fool in front of him, demanding his attention, and Sifeng only wants to get her the hell out of his house. It's not only a reminder of the times when things were a lot simpler, but also of how far they've come.

She intends on marrying Sifeng. Even if her father doesn't approve, she no longer cares. There's not enough time left in the world to hesitate about the people you love to satiate someone who can't be satisfied. Just as Sifeng upends his whole life for her, she's willing to do the same.

And as Sifeng is dying, Xuanji makes the ultimate decision to become the Star of Mosha. This isn't a reckless move done just to save him. Rather, her faith in Sifeng has strengthened into steel after all they've been through. Even if the world ends, she knows that a little bird with unshakable resolve will come get her. For two people who have spent most of their time as a pair of parallel lines, never to coincide, this is their point of intersection—a challenge that they'll face together, even if they're apart.

Sifeng: Xuanji, stop! I'd rather die than watch you become a devil for me! Xuanji: Sifeng, I can't consider all that now. I have to save you! Whether I be the Star of Mosha or the God of War, I don't care. I just need you to be okay. Sifeng. If I become Luohou Jidu, you absolutely can't forget me. Remember to bring me back! I cry during this scene. Then I immediately start laughing at Sifeng's gobsmacked expression once Luohou Jidu shows up. It just reads "but...my girlfriend..."

And Xuanji's right. Sifeng is the solution. No one else can save Luohou Jidu, the God of War, and the world by extension. Luohou Jidu's pain results from being betrayed purely because of his identity as a devil, but Sifeng becomes the confidante that Bai Lin pretended to be. The God of War's pain comes from having no self-identity, but Xi Xuan gives her the ability to seek one and accompanies her for a thousand years to help her find it. The suffering that Bai Lin set into motion would lead to a ceaseless cycle of revenge and a destruction of the world’s good due to its sins, but Sifeng alone convinces Luohou Jidu and the God of War that there's something in life worth keeping. But you have to fight for it, and persistently, because good things only come to those who are willing to chase after them.

Xuanji to Bai Lin: I won’t mess with someone else’s life so simply due to my own matters, even if that person is someone as despicable as you. Sifeng once said that using hate to obtain vengeance is an endless cycle. In this life, I already have something that matters more to me than that. I have no space to keep my hatred.

I know it can sound cheesy to say that the best revenge is living a happy life. But Love and Redemption can convert even the most insistent of cynics—me, for example. People will practice evil whether or not there’s a reason for it and whether or not those consequences will ripple out into a tsunami that will engulf the world. Only true, honest love can hope to settle the uneasy sea. It’s why Zi Hu gives Wu Zhiqi something to live for other than war. It’s why Linglong and Minyan have a reason to persist alongside one another. It's why Luohou Jidu gives his heart and life to Sifeng. It’s why Sifeng is able to save Xuanji. It's why the three realms are blessed with the chance to keep finding a reason to persist.

Sifeng and Xuanji’s story is a journey of overcoming all odds; of learning to love someone unconditionally not because it’s easy, but because you want to; of letting that love grow into a ray of hope in the world. Yes, if we let it, love wins all.

Sifeng: Your heart has become one of flesh and blood. It couldn’t bear to destroy the three realms. Because…it’s a heart that I held and warmed in my hands, bit by bit.

[whats-she-gonna-post-next]

hi!

for the drabble can you do anything with snowbugs? :)

Ok... Listen... I know it has been over a month. I am so sorry. I got distracted. I hope that you accept these 1.8k words that I wrote as an apology.

Anyways, it's technically not snowbugs yet... But they are totally endgame, it will happen. Also feel free to imagine whoever you want as the fellow heroes and villains. I didn't really bother distinguishing them... Whoops

-

Scott’s hands shook, his breath shuttered in his chest, his blood roared in his ears, power pulled tight around his throat like a noose, his mind was racing.

It was too much. It was too soon. He’d told them it was too soon, that he wasn’t ready, and yet here he was.

“Pull back!” He heard the call of his squad captain, “He’s too dangerous!”

Scott shuttered, another wave of cold power pulsed through the warehouse they had been fighting in as he tried desperately to contain it.

He hated this.

You see, Scott was still new to this whole powers thing. For most of his life he, and everyone else around him, had assumed Scott didn’t have powers. Not exactly an uncommon occurrence in their world, though you were still more likely to end up with something mundane than nothing at all, however, so it was ever so slightly disappointing when he passed milestone after milestone without tried or trace of any sort of power. By the time he reached adult hood, he figured that was it. Developing a power after eighteen was uncommon enough, but a major one - that was practically unheard of.

Scott was 28 when he developed the ability to completely freeze anything with little more than the flick of his hand.

He had reported the development immediately to the government, as the had a mandated training program for people with powers above a certain level classification. He had gone in expecting to be trained on control, to learn how to go about his normal day again and leave. The more intensive hero program that was designed to allow individuals the ability to help fight against rogue power users was - as far as everyone was told - entirely voluntary, and Scott and no desire to do anything but return to his normal life.

He found out the hard way that voluntary had a much looser definition when a power is considered too strong or in particular demand. Sure, he had the choice to forego the program, but he would have been marked a rogue and likely sent to prison, so he agreed, and Smajor was born.

They fast tracked him through the program, skipping the basics and barely letting him get a grasp on how to marginally reign in the cold beyond focusing and keeping calm before thrusting him out into combat training.

It hadn’t been the worst, Scott had been learning how to focus his powers in calm environments and it had been going well, so long as he had no distractions.

Then they got the call that Tek was out with some other villains, causing problems, and Scott was sent out with a team to deal with him specifically.

Tek was, for all intents and purposes, the reason Scott didn’t get a say in joining the hero program. Strong elemental powers like his ice were rare, which while likely would have subjected him to pressures to join, Tek had his opposite in fire and they had no heroes with strong enough powers to go against it. At least until now.

Scott tried to protest, to tell his handler - and how he loathed that title - that he wasn’t ready for that level of fight. Hell, Scott was pretty well certain he wasn’t ready for team training exercises yet, but it didn’t matter in the eyes of the higher ups.

“Sometimes it’s sink or swim, kid,” He was told, “When the time comes, you’ll know what to do.”

Protests that he was going to sink going unanswered as he was stuffed into a far too regal looking blue and while suit, gold accents only calling more attention to him, and pushed front and center as other members of his team squared off and distracted other villains, until it was just Scott staring at Tek with barely hidden fear, and Tek returning the stare with bemused confusion.

Scott couldn’t breath as the noise around them grew. He knew what he should be doing, he knew that people were counting on him, but all he could focus on was the ever growing sense of terror as he stared at the flames that casually danced along Tek.

How was he supposed to fight him? The casual confidence of a man who had years to master his power verse the maybe six months Scott had had to do the same.

Everyone was relying on Scott, and he was going to fail.

He watched the bemusement slip from Tek’s face, turning to genuine confusion, realization, then - oddly enough - nervousness. He had opened his mouth to speak, but Scott made out none of what he said through the blood rushing in his ears. It wasn’t until he heard a curse from one of his teammates that he realized that a sheet of ice had been snaking out along the ground around him, small spikes of ice budding up in places without say.

“Dammit Smajor,” The angry tone broke through his revelry, “Focus! Them, not us!”

The words just make things worse, anxiety spiking, pulsing cold echoing the beating of his heart as it matched the frantic pace. Scott did his best to pull the powers back, trying to focus on breathing as several eyes turned towards him, tried to ignore the expectations piling on him.

“What the hell do you idiots think you’re doing?” Scott heard one of the villains ask, “Sending out a kid this green when he can barely keep a grasp on his own powers?”

Scott wants to laugh. Hadn’t he been asking the exact same thing? He pulled his arms across his body as if he can physically hold his powers in. All it does is cause ice to grow across his torso as he sinks to his knees. The ice seems to get worse, a small snow flurry begins, building rapidly inside the tiny warehouse.

Why can’t he just breath?

“Pull back, he’s too dangerous” The call is made and the bubble of laughter finally breaks through.

‘So much for avoiding jail time after this shit show,’ He thinks bitterly, laughter quickly turning to sobs. He just wanted to go home.

He distantly hears the sound of movement, can feel the disturbances against his ices as several people move to exit or take cover from the ticking time bomb Scott has become. He can hear the sound of heroes and villains alike arguing about him.

Oddly enough it sounds like the villains are the ones on his side, somehow.

In the midst of this, he is surprised by a warm hand on his shoulder. He flinches back, another wave of power emanates from him and he desperately tries to pull it in, focus it on himself as his looks up, meeting Tek’s eyes through his mask. Warmth and compassion shine through. He seems unaffected by Scott’s powers, any ice that gets near him melting. He doesn’t even shiver.

Scott envy’s him for a moment.

“Hey, Smajor was it?” He asks, casual as can be, as if Scott wasn’t actively turning the room into a walk in freezer. The absurdity of it gives Scott pause for a moment, and he finds himself nodding, “Nice to meet you, I’m Tek.”

“I- I know that,” Scott replies, confused, “I think most people know that.”

Tek smiles at him, and it’s so bright and warm that Scott wants to lean into it, to keep it there.

“I suppose the costumes a pretty big give away, isn’t it?” There is something soothing to his voice that calms Scott down some. The noose around his throat loosens, the next wave of power seems softer, “I can’t imagine that feels all to great.”

Tek gestures to where Scott’s hands are wrapped around himself, the shards of ice pressing into his sides, the tears in his own costumes it has made, “Do you want to maybe move your hands?”

He makes an aborted move to talk to hands but Scott pulls back some, hangs clenching tighter, causing him to flinch yet again.

“I can’t,” He admits, “I don’t- I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

Tek’s eyes soften, but there is a determination there as well.

“It’ll be ok, you can let go,” His voice is unwavering and assured, Scott wants to believe him, “You won’t hurt me.”

Maybe it’s the fact that Scott knows what Tek’s powers are, knows how strong they are and how in control of them he seems to be, maybe it’s the look in his eyes, the determination and strength that bolsters his own in turn, maybe it’s just the fact that he is the first person who is telling him to let go instead of reign in, but Scott believes him.

Slowly, without breaking eye contact, Scott unclenches his hands from his sides, letting Tek gingerly wrap his hands around Scott. They are warm, warmer than anything Scott has held in a long time.

To be honest, Scott can’t remember the last time someone touched him for more than a moment, let alone held his hand.

It had to have been before his powers manifested, but even then, Scott didn’t have a ton of friends, and none of them had been very touchy-feely.

Was touch always this warm?

Was Scott always this cold?

“There you go,” Tek was smiling at him proudly, as if Scott had just accomplished some great task, “See, everything is fine.”

He is vaguely aware of the fact that the storm around them has calmed, his breathing stabilizing, adrenaline draining from his body, leaving him exhaustively swaying where he was kneeing. Without thought, Scott leaned forward, letting himself fall against the warm body in front of him.

To his credit, Tek doesn’t even flinch, catching him with ease and o=pulling him close.

He can hear others coming closer, but he can’t bring himself to care. He was tried and Tek was so so warm. He relaxed into him, eyes slipping closed as he barely listens to the conversation above him, registering little than Tek’s answers as they echoed against his ear, pressed to the soothing beat of his heart.

“Are we really surprised something like this happened?” Tek asked, voice rumbling soothingly through his chest, “Of course those idiots are so desperate to one up us that they would push someone harder and faster than they should and then run when it crumbles.”

There is more conversation overhead and Scott finds himself slipping into a daze before;

“Of course he is coming with us. We can’t leave him to those morons.”

The arms around him move, but before he can protest, they wrap around him differently, lifting him gently. Maybe he should feel worried, as he’s carted off by a group of villains, but Scott figures if they were going to hurt him, they’d have done in by now, so he leaves that to future Scott, and lets himself slip into sleep.

“Don’t worry, we’ve got you now.”

[acourtofthought]

So, apparently, Elriel has "peak mate behavior" because Azriel displayed rage and wrath in regards to Elain. Such as when he said, " I'm getting her back."

If peak mate behavior was bringing out aggressive emotions in a person, wouldn't Azriel actually be Mor's mate? I mean, he wanted to demand a Blood Duel of Eris after Mor was left on the Autumn border and just look at what he did during the high lord's meeting.

Tamlin should also be mates with Feyre too then, right? I would consider low-key starting an entire war over one woman a pretty rage/wrath fueled decision.

I feel like some Elriels miss the point of a mating bond. It's not just about wanting to avenge the other person. It's also about wanting the very best for them in every situation and putting their own desires above yours no matter the cost to you. Hence, why Rhys was going to let Feyre marry Tamlin, or why Lucien is keeping his distance from Elain.

Azriel has shown aggressive behavior in regards to Elain, yes, but he hasn't necessarily shown concern, at least not as we've seen from mates already, and it's the fact that he's missing that key component that I don't currently think Elriel will be endgame.

"Wanting the best for them in every situation and putting their desires before yours" is so spot on. Az does not care what is best for Elain over what is best for him.

Also, it's not mate behavior when wrath is kind of Az's default setting, when Rhys tells us Az's icy rage has always scared the shit out of him. When that rage comes out for Mor, for Feyre, when it's directed at Jurian, the King, Amarantha, his brothers, etc. I've included the excerpts below, that show Az is typically a full of rage, wrathful kind of character.

How is Az going after Elain any different than Az being ready to disobey Rhys to head into the battle shortly after his return while severely wounded "you'll have to chain me to a tree"? Shouldn't he want to be by Elain's side after her kidnapping? He was willing to sit out for Mor but didn't think to sit out for Elain?

It's not mate behavior when Elain was being violated during the Cauldron scene and Azriel only cared for Mor.

It's not mate behavior when Az had an "unspoken debate" with himself then decided to go after her.

It's not mate behavior when Az drew straws to avoid guarding Elain during the worst of her depression.

It's not mate behavior when Az showed zero interest in visiting Elain during the worst of her depression.

It's not mate behavior to look at another female with heat and yearning while the girl you're supposedly "true mates" with is in the room with you.

It's not mate behavior to regift the necklace you gave your "true mate" to another female.

It's not mate behavior to feel a spark in your chest over another females happiness.

It's not mate behavior to not show admiration for the girl you supposedly want.

It's not mate behavior to give her zero credit for her bravery.

It's not mate behavior to believe she shouldn't be exposed to the darkness of the Trove while thinking her sister can.

It's not mate behavior when Feyre ordered Az to get Elain to safety and he ignored the orders of his High Lady to stay behind to also save Feyre.

It's not mate behavior when Cassian was the first to want Elain armed during the war.

It's not mate behavior when Az didn't even check on Elain after the battle.

It's not mate behavior when he used the exact same voice on Elain that he uses on enemies and to charm allies into getting his information:

"The sixth queen is alive?" Azriel asked, calm and steady, the voice of the High Lord's spymaster, who had broken enemies and charmed allies."

Az treated Elain exactly as he treats others when he collects intel versus Lucien who Feyre notes she'd never heard her friends voice so soft or tentative when talking to Elain.

Mate behavior brings out a side to a character that we don't typically witness from them. Like Lucien's struggle with controlling his anger whenever Graysen is mentioned or when Nesta said "we'll decide what she needs" when he was telling them Elain needed to get outside, Lucien tapping into a brand new power to get to Elain's side, Lucien being at a loss for the right words whenever he's near Elain because she leaves him a bit tongue tied and awkward in his own skin (something that is noteworthy considering he's very good at talking to people).

Mate behavior is instinctual, like Lucien losing his shit when the bond first snapped and he couldn't stop himself from snarling and roaring. Does Lucien typically snarl and roar? Or was he struggling to control his actions because of the mating bond?

Mate behavior is not Az saying to Nesta, "what about Elain?" and NESTA being the one to run in terror to Elain's tent. Mate behavior would have been Az himself running to Elain's tent for fear of what he'd find. Mate behavior is not sitting there watching Nesta and Cassian discuss trying to get Elain back then him only declaring he'd get her back once Nesta said it was impossible. Mate behavior is not staying away from Elain for a year because he couldn't stand her bond even though she could have used the emotional support from someone she considered a maybe friend during that time (mate behavior is Rhys and Lucien staying away from Feyre and Elain because they believed they were happiest without them, Az stayed away due to his own selfish reasons).

All in all, nothing in Az's actions is mate behavior when it comes to Elain. It is canon that Az is often the first to throw himself into danger, that he is competitive to an extreme, that he is typically full of wrath and aggression, and the scars from his mother's past make him act a certain way towards females at times. These are not things special to Elain.

Lucien showing devastation at Elain's depression, sitting in his room thinking of ways to help her, offering condolences for the loss of her father, supporting her vision by heading off on a mission alone that Az claimed was too dangerous for even Rhys at a certain point, a vision Az didn't even think was all that important to follow since Mor was the one arguing for it, leaving his mates side to risk his life when it's clear he was longing for her but knew she wanted Graysen? That's mate behavior.

Az hiding in Feyre's shadows during Elain's rescue while Feyre did the most dangerous part, Az not caring about Elain's trauma or mental health at any point in the series? That is not.

[hainethehero]

A JOSS WHEDON HATER FOREVER- a think piece on how Avengers 1 set up Steve Rogers to be the MCU's punching bag for the rest of the franchise

(We all know Joss Whedon is an absolute garbage person. He's done many horrible things including being a racist, sexist moron who should be behind literal bars.) This is a commentary on his absolute shit writing for Avengers 1.

This one particular scene and the one following it is purely poor writing & direction for the character of Steve Rogers.👇

After Coulson dies, Fury addresses Steve and Tony and tosses Coulson's bloodied Captain America cards at Steve. He says something like "guess you never found the time to sign them" which is just horribly cruel and though not OOC for Fury, is not something he'd say lightly. We later realize here👇

...that he's secretly trying to put together the team. This is where he makes his big "there was an idea" speech and mentions that "Stark knows this." Because yeah, Tony was made aware of this in Iron Man 1 when Coulson visited and told Pepper. In contrast, Steve had no idea about the Avengers Initiative.

In fact, the dude was just pulled from the Valkyrie in the ice!! In the beginning scene of Avengers 1, we see him at the gym with the punching bag having LITERAL WAR FLASHBACKS about Bucky and Peggy and the Howlies! He's not stable and yet Fury confronts him and ropes him into the mission to get the Tesseract. Steve says, "you should've left it where you found it." And I can't help but think that maybe Steve means himself as well because dude just lost EVERYONE & EVERYTHING he literally knew and cared about.

Anyway, back to the point, Steve knows nothing about the Initiative but is suddenly made to feel guilty about Coulson's death in some kind of roundabout way of "convincing him to join the team" in honor of Coulson.

And then, to make matters WORSE, in the next scene they make HIM comfort Tony 👇

They make him say, "im sorry" (like it was his fault???!) and "he was just doing his job" and "is this the first time you've lost a soldier?" LIKE WTAF???

*INSERTS JACOB ELORDI MEME FROM EUPHORIA SAYING WHAT THE FUCKKKKK?!*

First of all, Steve barely knows these people! Second, he was fond of Coulson and I'm sure they would've been close friends. But did they have to GUILT-TRIP Steve into joining the team? Like, that's just dumb and proves that they don't actually give a fuck about his character!

AND TALK ABOUT MEAN! Fury at least knew about Steve losing Bucky on that train. He KNOWS Steve's first words when he woke up from sleep was "I had a date" reflecting the tragedy of the man out of time. To just rip him out of sleep and thrust him into a mission and later making him feel guilty about Coulson was just pure cruelty, making SHIELD no better than HYDRA. They all saw Steve as a pawn, another mindless soldier to carry out their missions and I hate JW for that.

Steve's character was not accurately portrayed nor was his trauma properly dealt with and so this is why today, we see alot of MCU "fans" calling Steve the worst avenger, lame, boring and basically a crutch to Tony's genius. (I'm a huge Tony Stark fan, don't @ me). It just felt that the mcu wanted to make Tony the ultimate hero- which is fine, Nothing's wrong with that- but they did it at the expense of Steve's character and trauma.

Sadly, this narrative continues all the way down to Endgame and for that I will always hate JW & the mcu's portrayal of Steve Rogers.