#and Carry- let's say her relationship with Republic is COMPLICATED | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

phoenixyfriend · 3 years ago

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Re; Ahsoka and Quinlan being the same age, now I'm picturing Ahsoka, Quinlan, and Rex eventually ending up in a weird sorta thruple where Quinlan comes in and out of the relationship but the door is kinda always open for him? And Rex spends a lot of mornings eyeing the tangle of orange and brown skin on the other side of the bed like he has no idea how he ended up here but he's (mostly) okay with that tbh

Context: Commander Buir in chronological order

YES okay so this is wild to me that people are invested in this but like half the time-travel fics with Ahsoka in the same age-group as Quinlan have me wondering if I should ship them. Let me just. Ho shit.

So, okay, I've explored a lot of possible dynamics but there's something really engaging about how Quinlan, trained as a Shadow before the Sith came back, could react to a War Padawan. Ahsoka isn't really infiltration material yet, she's very much a frontline fighter, but she's got a lot more experience with a kind of consistent dark atmosphere that most Jedi don't. They get exposed to plenty of dark stuff, sure, but not the kind of all-encompassing "this is my life for the last two years" thing that is usually reserved for the long-term field agents like Shadows and Watchmen.

The War Padawans, for all that they were supposed to be just normal Jedi Padawans, were living in the kind of consistently negative environment that's normally experienced by those Knighted Sentinels.

So Ahsoka, while still generally pretty young in these AUs, is a very odd kind of person to be around, because she's spunky and vivacious and snippy and affectionate and snarky and knows how to break every bone in your body from harrowing experience as the only thing standing between death and thousands of brothers.

And Quinlan, I imagine, really likes that about her. She gets it, and she's still an energetic and loving and trying to do her best to be a good person despite everything. He gravitates towards her and she... well, she's not blind. She can tell he's interested. And she's not upset about that.

ANYWAY, ONTO REX

So, Rex is... technically twelve. He hasn't exactly got a whole lot of experience with romance. He is also, up until the point of time-travel, legal property of the Senate and the Jedi Order, which means that Ahsoka, or at least her community, owns him. He was indoctrinated to serve her and that community. She also outranks him, for all that she usually lets him take the lead in the field due to experience. He's older than her physically and maturity-wise, but she's also had a grow-up-faster-than-you-should adolescence, and she has superpowers.

What I'm saying is, the power dynamic is fucked up.

(Unironically I spent hours last night realizing that it balances out a lot more than C*dywan does, which I'm censoring because by god do I not want discourse on this post. I like both ships, and don't want to argue about what's the most problematic. It's Star Wars. The only unproblematic ships are Bail/Breha and Owen/Beru.)

Here's the thing, though, because the main thing people seem to argue here is the age/maturity difference as a problem area:

The age difference in actual time is four years, which is smaller than the two main ships of the franchise (Han/Leia and Padme/Anakin, to be clear). The age difference in maturity is ??? We'll say that the clones started aging normally after they hit twenty, so the age difference in maturity is six years... which is still normal for SW ships.

(This is why I don't have any issues with the ship in a post-O66 context, once they've had a few years to move past the traumas and whatnot. The age stuff all evens out with time, they're a good team, and neither was grooming the other. It's not objectively any more problematic than most SW ships at that point, and I'm okay with that. They deserve to be happy if they want.)

But they get yanked away from all that structure of who owns what, who reports where, who has which rank, who's legally a person in the eyes of the Republic when they end up on Dagobah. Once they've registered when they are, the only remaining complications are:

He grew up in a cultlike environment and was indoctrinated to serve her (but has been replacing that indoctrination with genuine respect and affection for her as a person because they've worked together for two years).

She has superpowers (contextually not a big problem: we see several Force-Sensitive/Non-Sensitive ships that don't consider those powers a complicating element)

He's several years younger than her (canonically less of an issue than it could be: Cut got married and has kids) and has next to no experience with what a normal romance looks like except for hanging out on the edges of whatever the fuck his General has going on with the Senator

She's several years less mature than he is (...something of an issue)

So a lot of this is mostly okay. She feels weird about the fact that she's got more knowledge of romance and all that it entails. He feels weird about the fact that, despite her being older, he looks at her and sees someone that's still a little young, not quite a shiny. Except she is older than him, and he's seen her behead four people in a single move, and they've saved each other's lives more times than either of them can count anymore. He respects her, and the fact that she's babyfaced doesn't change the fact that, in terms of who they are as people and warriors, they're on a level playing field.

She still looks at him and mourns his lost childhood, and he still looks at her and takes a moment to see past the too-big eyes and adolescent proportions.

But they really, really care about each other, and maybe part of them is starting to recognize that there's a bit of a crush before they time-travel, but neither one wants to make a move. There's a lot of baggage on both sides, a lot of "but they're a child" and "but they're (literally vs functionally) below me in the chain of command, I can't take advantage of that" and all that fun stuff. It's the kind of situation where two people circle each other for ages without making a move, because actually making that move is terrifying on account of not knowing whether the other party knows they can say no, on top of the usual "what if it ruins our friendship?" thing.

What happens on Dagobah, though... is very tropey. They're sort of stranded until Ahsoka can fix the ship, and that takes time. The area is also very heavy with the Force, dense and heady with the energy it carries, and it's... actually really not great for Ahsoka. She keeps feeling like she's back on Mortis, and has nightmares from the trigger there, but also keeps hallucinating because she wasn't ready for the thickness of the energy (like Yoda) or still new enough to the Force that she couldn't feel how dense it all was (like Luke). She can't work on the engines as constantly as she'd like to get them out of there, and while Rex is a competent mechanic, he's not as skilled with it as the girl who jumped headfirst into lessons with Anakin.

Rex spends a lot of time holding Ahsoka and wiping her brow with a wet cloth while she's feverish and out of it. Yes we're going full Florence Nightingale romance here, let me have my fun.

They get the communications relay working earlier than the engine, find out the year is wrong, panic a bit. All is well. (It's not, but they're holding it together for now.)

Ahsoka keeps working on the engine when she's lucid. Rex keeps hunting up game and edible plants for them while she does. They cuddle at night, because it's not cold but it is empty of the people they care about, and they kind of want that reassurance of someone they trust and love at their back.

(Morai visits.)

(Daughter shows up in the nightmares, tells Ahsoka that age will not come for her beloved until the time is natural for it. The phrasing is dumb but she does manage to convey that the accelerated aging is no longer an issue, if it even was after they hit adulthood. Ahsoka is relieved.)

And, you know, emotions happen. She takes his hand while they're leaning up against each other. He kisses her forehead while she's having a bad spell. They cook together and tell jokes to keep sane and spar. They hug each other through nightmares and panic attacks. There is much blushing. There is much cuddling.

Once, they kiss.

They break apart, flushing and stammering and being very awkward about the whole thing, and make excuses to leave and panic about the fact that they!! Kissed!!!!!

A couple hours later they find each other again, and have a long and complicated discussion about why they like each other (war makes bedfellows, there's trust and affection and all that fun stuff) and why they're hesitant (age stuff, maturity stuff, prior indoctrination), and make the decision to take it slow. They cuddle, and kiss, and blush a lot because both of them are basically just dumb teens having their first real relationship.

They eventually leave the planet, make it to Coruscant, etc. It takes a bit for anyone except Obi-Wan to realize that something's changed between them. Most people didn't know them before, and Anakin's observation skills are currently at a very low ebb. But they sit together and hold hands, and flirt when they spar, and once or twice people find them kissing (both standard and Keldabe) in a corner while holding hands and then just smiling at each other like loons.

They end up rooming together because nobody has the heart to separate them after hearing about all the war stuff. Like yes attachment's bad, but these two do seem to understand loss of loved ones and recognize that they could lose each other at any time and death is natural and they won't lose their entire shit about it, and if even General Kenobi is anxious as hell about being separated from the people he fought side-by-side with for two years, then maybe it's just... really normal for those two to want each other's company, and everyone can just turn a blind eye to the romance happening.

They share a bed, but they only ever sleep in it. Like, there's some goodnight kisses and cuddles, but everything is very G-rated until they've had time to settle into being true equals instead of just the "well, I guess the power dynamics balance out? Maybe?" of before.

And just... yeah. Rex does not believe that he's in this good of a position whenever he has the time to think about it. He's got a girlfriend! A really pretty, smart, strong, skilled one! Who thinks he's a cool dude! How the fuck did a clone like him manage that? He wasn't even legally a person a year ago, how did he end up in bed with one of the most amazing people he's ever met? He spends multiple nights just staring at her while he tries to fall asleep, asking himself how he got here and just like... marveling at her. She's worth marveling at. He's in love and she's amazing and he has no idea how to handle it at all.

...yeah no I have a lot of feelings now.

#Rexsoka #Ahsoka Tano #Captain Rex #Quinlan Vos #time travel #Commander Buir #Phoenix Posts

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ignobleknight2 · 3 years ago

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notes on my Anakin; a chaotic smattering of things

Anakin is very possessive of the people he loves, but he is capable of letting go. Not on his own, of course. He will fight and hold on as long as he can, but at the end of the day, if someone wants to leave him, he will let them go. Forcing someone to stay with him would be a terrible crime.

He will push up to a point, but he is not criminally possessive without being pushed to it... By this I only mean to say, what happened in ROTS was an extreme situation and he was pressed and prodded until he was finally pushed off the deep end. It's not fair to compare Anakin pushed beyond his limits into full on psychosis, with his usual traits.

Anakin is a deeply traumatized person. He began his life as a slave. His mother was a slave. His sense of stability didn't truly exist, as he knew from a painfully young age that they could be separated and there was nothing either of them could do about it. Whether it was being sold off or kidnapped by pirates, they had no control over what might happen to them. He was not allowed to be a real person, except he knew he was anyway. He learned how to hide his pain, how to be deferential to others. He learned that he had to be strong or perish. that he had to fight for anything he needed and that he had to be cunning and secretive if he wanted to have anything for himself. He learned to carry burdens in silence, and to adapt. But he did not learn how to deal with his emotions. He did not learn what it means to be a kid, to be care free, or to feel safe.

The two things to know about Tatooine: 1. You can buy anything on Tatooine, as long as you can pay. 2. Everything that comes from Tatooine is broken. The "logic" he has built is one made by a nine year old by, enslaved on a desolate desert plant, forgotten by the republic, with only his mother to guide, comfort, and teach him... His poor mother... ... (I will write it later. not now. you can imagine his poor mother...) He knew he could not put all of the burden on her, so he grew up as fast as possible. He also literally grew pretty quickly and was skillful from an early age. He is, unforgettably, conceived by the force itself (no, it wasn't Palpy, but it was his fault. pin in that.) He is adaptable, mindful, intuitive, and deeply compassionate. Anakin. As a child. Is practically the perfect Jedi already. Not literally perfect, he hides his pain well (like a bird. okay. he has the heart of a little dove.) He is very good.

The relationship with Obi-Wan is COMPLICATED

Anakin without the Jedi Order could have turned out much better. I have a hard time calling this headcanon because it's. Evident. But the Order is what ultimately causes Anakin's downfall, and their own by proxy. Had he been able to step into his own power. Had he been able to use his inner compass. Had he not been taught to mistrust his own judgement and stifle his emotions, he could have turned out very well. I am not saying he "would have" there are a lot of factors, but I have some AUs for this.

Never underestimate how deep the river of denial goes for Ani.

It's obviously unfair to compare 19yo virginal Anakin's attempts at flirting, to 21yo Anakin, who has been comfortably sexing his wife and leading an army for the past two years. Night and Day. That scene where he is whispering in the ear of the Zygerrian Queen? Yeah... We can only imagine what filth... He is into dirty talk and has lots of practice with it now, but he is a romantic at heart. He is a grand gestures, waxing poetic, the moment needs to be right, kind of guy. On the topic of Zygerrians; one of the things I did like in TCW was his visceral reaction to seeing one

I want to revisit that arc. Because I feel the rating didn't allow proper exploration. This was also when I HC Anakin was S/A for the first time so yay...

Anakin has rarely felt special. Mostly he has felt singled out. His mother and Padme made him feel special and good. ... unfortunately, so does Palpatine. Their relationship is a whole thing...

Anakin is very much in his own head for a majority of the time. His emotions are a force of their own. His mind never stops going, and he is also always dealing with a constant radio static of other people's thoughts and emotions when they are projecting too loud. He zeros in on outside things to keep him grounded; such as working on machines. Tactile sensation and keeping his mind occupied on tasks, is what he knows. Reaching out and opening up to others emotionally... that is difficult. He has his safe people... unfortunately, they are Padme and Palpatine. Obi-Wan has marked himself as generally unsafe through the years of being dismissive or trying to subdue Anakin's emotional output. Obi-Wan is someone he may try to reach for, but Obi-Wan has to come to him first. Unfortunately, Obi-Wan is in the habit of leaving Anakin too quickly, and Anakin does not feel he can reach further to pursue him back.

Anakin feels most at home among the stars. In the cockpit of a ship, especially a small vessel, out in the vastness of space, is where he feels truly at home.

Anakin is a creature comprised of raw emotion. His connection to the force makes him a conduit for all sorts of energetic transfer, whish mostly manifests emotionally. When he feels, he feels it with his entire being. There is no filter for him. No buffer between his heart and the howling storm, and so he has learned to disconnect. He has learned to shut off parts of himself, of his perception, by becoming totally blind to it. He has wrapped himself in a shroud of delusions that keep him safe. A set of rules, if you will, and an understanding that he is not allowed to care too much about others, as he once did. Distance is the only thing that keeps him safe. Keeping his emotions to himself, as much as possible, and certainly keeping his thoughts, history, and trauma very close to his chest. If he doesn't say it out loud, if he doesn't acknowledge it, he can shift his focus and ignore it. If he can pretend well enough, for long enough, he thinks it will go away. It wont. His emotions simply build pressure until they finally explode.

In a way, he truly is a force of nature. The way his emotions hit him harder than they do for most. He is a livewire, a conduit for the living force. That is just his nature. He is a feral space wizard demi-god with much more restraint than anyone gives him credit for. You must understand how far he’s willing to take things...

Ani is... touch starved and affection starved. The Jedi are not exactly a warm bunch and Ani is an emotionally charged individual with a lot of needs. He has been chronically untouched for a long time... Being with Padme did some to alleviate this, but they weren't able to be together all that often. He is very receptive to touch, but also very sensitive to it.

The Jedi practice compassion in a broad spectrum way. On a personal level, they are generally detached and even callous at times.

Anakin was truly a perfect child (as close as you can get I mean honestly?) he was pure hearted and kind, but assertive of himself. He stood up for the weak and those who had less than he did, always sharing whatever he had to give. He was confident in himself, knew his own worth, and had so much pure and unfiltered love to just hand out... He already understood the value of loyalty and hard work, and even of self sacrifice, in doing what needs to be done because it makes life easier for the ones you love... then the Jedi fucked him up.

He is so good at heart... he could have been so much better if he'd been able to develop that all important self confidence... Then we have Anakin as the General- where he comes into his own. He realizes fairly early on that he is good at war. He is good at violence. He is good at playing well with the team. Together with his Captain and the 501st, he excels. He grows confident in his ability as a General and as a leader. He begins to defy the council more and more, although he always does it under the table and tries not to get caught whenever possible... He still hates to be called out and judged by them. He still hopes that they will recognize his accomplishments if he can just do enough for them... But no matter how many times the 501st leads the Republic to victory, only his troops and Palpatine ever seem to appreciate him

They spearhead an overwhelming number of campaigns. Anakin has also apparently arrested more people for the Jedi than anyone else? like half of their prisoners were caught by him. and they wont even tell him abt their secret prison...

The chaos of Ani's mind could be said to be rooted in this single notion of his own worth. "Unworthy," his inner demons scream, so Ani fights against them. Unworthy of love Unworthy to lead Unworthy of decency Unworthy of the Jedi Unworthy -

It almost always cycles back to this deep seeded idea that he is less than others. He takes on blame far too readily, yet he is often unable to resolve the real issue. His aggression rears its head to defend his fragility, but in doing so widens the rift... Ani needs to feel comfortable being vulnerable. The sad fact is that he has a hard time trusting others, especially in matters of the heart. He has been broken before and never really healed. He has put the pieces back together, but his heart is still broken. He will act as if he is feeling better than he is, because this pain is his own failing (somehow, unworthy as a result of having too much pain, for not being able to let it go.)

Not thinking is a skill Anakin picked up as an enslaved person, which was then encouraged by the Jedi (albeit in a roundabout way.) In order to rectify all that is so very wrong in his reality, yet cannot be fixed, Anakin has developed the ability to Not Think About it. This is a skill. He is too good at it and he uses it to avoid problems he doesn't know how to fix. He HATES to not be able to fix a problem. It burns him and twists his sense of helplessness into pain and fear, so rather than face that down, he turns away

Letting Anakin have some control and do what he wants is very important, but he does need some reigning in or he might just go off the deep end. He is not inherently flawed, as he believes, he is just deeply repressed. He has never been given total autonomy. The closest he gets is being a General, which is why it means so much to him to not only perform well, but to completely obliterate the competition. He can't just be "a good general" he needs to be "The Best." he so deeply craves recognition and respect and dammit, he deserves it.

You might think Anakin would have some road rage, but TBH, he is at his most calm when he is piloting. He might shout some expletives if someone tries to run into him- (Coruscant traffic is insane) but Obi-Wan has mostly trained him out of his more vulgar habits from Tatooine.

"Yatuka wermo!" Obi-Wan gives him a disapproving look from the passenger's side. Anakin snatches a glance, but keeps his eyes on traffic. "He was in my lane-" defensive.

He probably cusses more around his troops. When Obi-Wan is not around, but he tries very hard to appear as the stoic and ethereal Jedi Knight that he believes he should be. Anakin is not generally foul mouthed - but... ... there are occasions. It is a habit he was conditioned out of but... his natural state is more relaxed and casually foul.

WE know Anakin is a space wizard demi god with a laser sword, but he sees himself as much less than that...

Anakin has a lot of shame imbedded in him... Most of it came from the Jedi, some of it is leftover from Tatooine.

He was able to fight against the notions others held of him throughout his childhood, namely because he has his mother's support. As a Jedi... He only is given More shame and More "proof" that he was always unworthy and he's inherently flawed and broken.

Anakin's intelligence is in the way he listens to others... (The fandom is wrong about him okay? I feel this way a lot....) The not listening to the Jedi council is a tried and true practice that he was pushed to. The council is full of clowns.

He listens to his men. Watch him always ask "Does anyone have a better idea?" And when they do? He jumps on it. He relies on others in the field. He has learned not to rely on everyone, but those who have his trust have it absolutely The intuition vs intelligence conversation-

Anakin is best when he is using his intuition, which I suppose, is a form of genius really.

Anakin is a genius but he's not the most intelligent person. He is smart but he really undermines his own intelligence by thinking himself in circles and trying to navigate the Jedi code maze he has built everything around.

#hc; Anakin #uuuh... i just copied my notes from discord so i could have them for my essays #these are chaotic #anakin skywalker rp #listen.#if you read all of this?#let me know?#i mean if you wanna?#i am always here to talk abt my boy #i have more... uh... a lot more #he is a whole concept #i love he #vaderkin essays

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watsons-falling-snow · 4 years ago

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Soulmates? A Korrasami Secret Santa Gift

@gaymergal I hope you enjoy this. It’s the first bit that I’ve written of the two of them but I really tried for you!

Soulmates were a tricky thing. Honestly. Not everyone had one, they were a rare spiritual blessing, and Asami Sato didn’t believe in them. If soulmates really existed then everyone should have one and relationships shouldn’t be such hell. If soulmates were real, she would have found her own after all the hell she had gone through in her life. From the loss of her mother, to the betrayal of her father, then to the loss of him.

All the while, she was trying to navigate her own relationships and feelings. In her teens things had been all the more complicated, with dating Mako, then breaking up with Mako only for him to date their friend Korra, only for Korra and he to break up. Then she tried dating Mako again, only for it all to end up in disaster. If soulmates were real, why did things like that happen?

Luckily now, at twenty-seven, it mattered little. She was running her family business, being the youngest CEO and world renowned inventor in Republic City. Not to mention she, Mako, Korra and Bolin had all stayed friends despite the terrible things that had happened to them. That was the real magic in all of this, not some mythical idea of a soulmate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ms. Sato, please look straight ahead and not at your phone.” The doctor asked with a sigh, his pen light catching the shine of her green eyes as she jerked back to him.

“Sorry Doctor Trejo, I just… My friends are supposed to be meeting right now and they’re wondering where I am.” Asami frowned, following his finger as he finished his exam.

“Well, I am going to be honest with you Ms. Sato, I recommend a quiet night in. You’ve had another dizzy spell and fainted. You refuse to have another CAT scan done, but this is happening more frequently. And you’ve said this is partnered with visions, now?” Doctor Trejo asked, shaking his bald head. “You need rest.”

“Alright doctor, thank you for your honesty.” Rising up she placed a hand against his back to guide him out of her office. Shaking his hand on the way out she thanked him with a smile, before immediately turning to grab her phone.

If she were being honest, she should stay home, she should probably tell her friends what was going on as well. But she didn’t know exactly what was going on. When she was younger she had always felt phantom pains, her mother always playfully accusing some unknown “soulmate”. Yet now as she was older, dizzy spells and visions seemed to accompany this phantom pain. How did you explain that to your friends when it was suspected you had a tumor that couldn’t be found? She’d tried doctors, healers and mystics.

Doctors of modern medicine had told her it was likely a tumor they couldn’t find. Healers had accused a soulmate bond, which was a crock, and mystics were just… not helpful.

‘Sorry guys, I can’t go out today - AS’ She sent to their group message, a smile on her features when messages started rolling in from her friends. Though the one that made her smile the most was from Korra.

‘Don’t worry, we’ll come to you. K’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Settled at home the last thing Asami expected was only Korra to show up. She had said they would be coming, but perhaps the boys had been busy?

“Korra, do you need any help?” She found herself asking as she tucked her hair behind her ear, her green gaze trailing after Korra as the woman carried bag after bag into her home.

“Nope!” Came the cheery pop from the other woman as she finally closed the door. “You said you didn’t feel good. So I decided to make a traditional Southern Water Tribe soup for you.” Korra grinned, turning to give her friend a tight hug.

“I’m not sure soup is going to fix what is going on Korra.” Came the bland response, though Asami was smiling.

“Have you ever had water tribe soup before?” Korra asked with a know-it-all tone.

“Well no but -”

“Then you don’t know if it’s going to help or not.” The short haired woman snorted, tapping Asami on the nose with a playfully smile before she made her way towards the kitchen.

Watching her go Asami shook her head, her hands going to her hips as she closed the front door. Honestly, she wasn’t sure why it was just Korra here, but she was thankful for it. It was sure to be a quiet and -

“Uh… Asami? Do you have -”

Letting out a laugh Asami took off towards the kitchen so she could help Korra before a fire broke out. The last thing she needed was for the fire department to be called out. Together the two women worked, Asami chopping anything and everything that was needed while Korra worked on actually making the soup.

At the end of it, it was delicious. And Asami could admit her head felt much better. At least, until she felt Korra’s pressing stare. “You know - I was feeling much better until I felt your cool blue eyes boring holes into my head.” Putting her spoon down she linked her fingers under her chin, making a bit of a face at the other.

“Well I’m worried about you!” Korra finally exploded, setting her own spoon down and throwing her arms up. “You never bail on us. And you never not tell me about what’s going on.”

“Double negatives are not your strong suit.” Asami mocked, hoping to distract her friend. How was she meant to explain that she had visions that shook her to the core? How was she supposed to tell her that doctors believed she had a tumor of all things?

“Asami, I am being serious here. You know I’m your emergency contact right? Like, you made that decision yourself. And here we are. With questions between the both of us.” Korra motioned between them, making a bit of a face. “If I wanted to be in your business, I could be, but I would rather you be honest with me.”

Heaving a sigh Asami tucked her hair behind her ear, poking at her soup sadly, as she eyed her friend curiously. Did she tell her the truth? Why wouldn’t she? She had a lot to explain. “Korra… You know that I keep things to myself. And I made you my medical power of attorney because I trust you, not because I thought you were a snoop.”

When Korra sent her a sheepish expression, her hand automatically lifting to rub the back of her neck in her age-old nervous habit. “Well I didn’t mean to snoop. I got a call to remind you about an appointment you had that you missed. Rather than leaving me here guessing the worst, you could just tell me the truth and we could work through it together.” She offered with a soft smile, her hand reaching for Asami’s.

“You make it so hard to be mad at you.” Awkward as it was, Asami knew her friend deserved the truth. So she sighed, giving her hand a squeeze before rising up. Holding up a finger for silence when Korra went to question them she went to the bar in the corner of the dining room, grabbing two glasses and a bottle before going back to the table.

Sitting down again she poured them each two fingers, despite knowing Korra didn’t usually drink anything other than a beer every now and then, and set the glass bottle aside. “Alright, you want to know what’s going on, I will tell you. But if the boys find out about this, I will strangle you. I mean it.”

“You don’t mean it, but okay.” The Avatar cut in, her head shaking slightly as she grabbed the drink. If Asami prepared it, it meant she’d likely need it.

“Truth is… I’ve been seeing healers, and mystics and doctors, all trying to figure out what is wrong with me.” Asami began, her long fingers twirling around the lip of the glass that was in front of her. “And none of them can really tell me what was wrong with me. - “

“Well mystics never give a straight answer ‘Sami. I can take you to Katara!”

“I need you would offer, and no thank you. I’ve seen healers here in Republic City. I have also seen the best doctors money can pay for. And well… the thing that makes the most sense is a tumor.” She finally admitted, tossing back her drink before setting it down with a little too much force.

“I’m sorry…. Did you say a tumor?” Korra demanded before holding up a finger much in the same way Asami had. Tossing the far too expensive liquor down her throat she winced, setting the glass down gently before turning to take her friend’s, her love’s, hands. “Why the hell wouldn’t you tell us Asami? Why wouldn’t you tell me? Katara is the best healer in the world. I’m the Avatar for Raava’s sake! Surely something can be done to help you.”

“Oh Korra, don’t cry for me.” Reaching out Asami wiped a tear she was sure the bender didn’t know she had shed, a soft smile on her lips. “I don’t need healers. They say there is nothing there. But I have these… painful headaches. They rock me to my core. And now they are affecting my vision.” As she explained Korra reached for her, gripping the sides of her face ever so gently. “Korra?”

“Asami, this is serious. If you’re this affected by something you’re supposed to tell your friends so we can support you.” Calloused fingers a tad rough against her smooth skin Asami yelped when she was suddenly pulled into a hug. “I’m so worried about you.”

It didn’t even occur to Korra that she had obscure visions of what her soulmate was doing and she hadn’t told her friends before. She knew Asami didn’t believe in soulmates and talking to Mako about this sort of thing was just awkward after the breakup. Bolin would likely understand, but the two of them got side tracked so easily when they were together that it was almost pointless to try and talk to him.

“Oh Korra, don’t worry about me. You know how determined I am. I’m not going to let something like this stop me.” The genius promised, her arms wrapping around her friend to soothe her. Korra simply burrowed close, hiding her face in Asami’s neck.

“I’m always going to worry about you Asami. Always.” She promised, hugging onto her tightly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night had ended with coffee and a vastly unfair snowball fight in the front yard. As Asami had to remind her friend numerous times, using your bending in a friendly snowball fight was cheating. Especially when she had no jacket and no cover to hide behind. But overall, it had ended in good fun. The play had been enough to convince Korra that it was alright to leave Asami alone, that she wasn’t going to keel over at any moment.

Which was what brought her to the situation at hand. She had lied to Korra, and said she would stop working out but… working out helped her think. It really did! And it was just a basic run on the treadmill while she went through the tedious November report. Only to be interrupted by a sudden flash of pain that dropped her to her knees. Which of course resulted in her being thrown off the treadmill with a nasty scrape to her knee and a bump to her forehead. Laying in a heap on the ground her treadmill was still going as she was plagued by the painful visions. Running, why were they running? Away from or - After someone! “NO!” Asami called out, though her vision was blurry as she pushed herself up. Stumbling to her front door she paid no mind to the priceless vase she knocked over, or the blood she smeared on her wall. She had to help, had to do something!

“Korra!” Bursting out her front door she didn’t even make it to the stairs before she collapsed onto her snow covered porch. Her head was throbbing from the smack on the stupid machine, leaving her aching and wobbly. A fireball was thrown followed by an air blast, sirens could be heard in the distance. Asami was panicking. This was the first time her visions had given her anything useful. But she just knew those bending styles. She knew her best friend’s fighting style. Just as she knew she was working with the police to track down the members of the Triad once again.

“Korra…” Asami’s voice was soft, weak, as the blood from her forehead dripped into the snow. The last thought she had before passing out was that Korra wouldn’t be such a bad soulmate to have.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beep… Beep… Beep.... It was that steady beep that finally woke her up, her lashes fluttering open as she fought to remember what had happened. Squinting against the bright light Asami weakly lifted her hand, which was what alerted the other’s to her waking up.

“Asami! Oh Asami we were so worried!” Bolin was the first to appear in her vision as he leaned over her. “Try not to move too much. You’re all bandaged up.” He doted, patting her shoulder gently.

“Bolin, don’t crowd her face.” Mako’s voice was gruff as he pulled his brother back, giving him a firm look to stay back. “Glad you’re awake though, ‘Sami.”

“Asami…” Korra’s voice was ever so soft, and that was what drew the woman’s attention to her right. “What the hell were you doing? I’ve been trying to figure it out since finding you and this is just.. I can only come up with Bolin level stupidity for answers.”

Now that, that set her teeth on edge. “Oh… So you’re assuming I was doing something stupid?” The genius asked, her cheeks flushing ever so slightly as her anger rose. “You know that’s really rude.”

“Well it’s rude to leave your bloody and bruised body to be found in the snow by your friends. You made Bolin cry. We thought someone had robbed you! Did… Were you robbed?” Voice having risen to show her anger Korra did her best to tone it down as she asked if the other was attacked in some way.

“No, just… no. I fell off my treadmill and hit my head pretty hard.” At least, that was the last thing she really remembered. “I… I… mistepped, and went flying.”

“Your knee, elbow and head were all banged up. You hit your head pretty hard because you fell face first. You’re pretty scratched up Asami.” Korra explained as gently as she could, her hand reaching out for Asami’s. As their fingers linked a soft smile touched each of their features, and Asami’s heart monitor, embarrassingly enough, spiked just a bit.

“Well, you know me guys. If I am going to do something I have to go all in.” Asami snorted, making her friends laugh which did wonders to relieve the tension in the room. “I’m guessing I have a concussion?”

“Actually Ms. Sato, you do not.” Her doctor chose that moment to talk in, his head shaking slightly as he sent her a frown.

“Dr. Trejo, good to see you,” The injured CEO gave a slight smile from her place in bed, desperately trying to ignore the hand that pushed her back down when she tried to sit up.

“I wish I could say it was better circumstances. Would you care to discuss this in private?” The doctor asked, holding open the door when she nodded.

“Sorry guys - “

“Asami no -”

“What’s going on?”

“Bolin, let’s go. Korra?” Mako stood at Asami’s silent plea, ready to wrangle his brother and best friend out of the room if need be.

“Asami, I want to stay.” Korra insisted, taking her hand in silent plea. And unfortunately, or fortunately, it worked.

“Korra… You could stay. But someone has to take care of the boys.” Asami whispered, sounding far too tired to be okay. “I’ll tell you all about it. I promise. I just need to talk to my doctor.”

“Come on Korra, give her some privacy.” Mako beckoned, having already pushed Bolin out the door.

“Fine, but you better tell me everything.” Rising up Korra kissed her friend’s forehead before following after Bolin and Mako, letting the door close behind them. The moment they were alone Doctor Trejo gave Asami a dull look, tucking his clipboard under his arm as he moved to stand at her bedside. “Ms. Sato, we need to discuss this seriously. Honestly, I am concerned about you. Before, you hadn’t injured himself, so it wasn’t an issue. But you’ve injured yourself. I think we need to perform more tests, and you need to take this more seriously.”

“I… believe you are right.” Asami murmured, a soft sigh leaving her. “What are you thinking?”

“Since we could find nothing on your original CAT scans, or your MRIs, we may want to consider exploratory surgery.” The doctor stated gravely, only to nearly jump out of his damn skin when the door burst open.

“Did you say exploratory surgery?!” Korra demanded, uselessly held back by Bolin and Mako. Hands going to her hips she shoved the boys off of her, moving to Asami’s side. “That is crazy. I may not know a lot about practical medicine but I know a lot about healing. And that is ridiculous.”

“Korra! You can’t just barge in here.” Asami frowned, looking over at the other as she came close. “We were having a serious discussion.”

“Exactly, and I am coming in here to be serious. Let me take you to Katara, please. Asami, please?” Kneeling beside the other she reached out a hand to grasp Asami’s, giving it a tight squeeze. “Sometimes, you need a true healer. Not a doctor.”

“No offense.” Bolin added quickly, though the doctor cut him a dull look.

Looking between the lot of them Asami sighed, her head falling back to rest against her pillow. “Fine Korra. We can go see Katara. But then you will butt out.”

“Oh, I’ll never butt out. But I’ll try to calm down.” Pressing a sweet kiss to the back of her hand Korra shook her head, clinging desperately to her. She had been listening at the door, obviously, and panicked at the thought of surgery. Especially an unnecessary one. At least unnecessary in her opinion.

“Korra, you exhaust me. Doctor Trejo, I am so sorry. But, I’ll be in touch.” Asami promised, smiling slightly when she felt the kisses that trailed up her arm. Almost as if Korra just needed the reassurance that she was okay.

When the doctor took his leave she smiled slightly, her free hand lifting to pet Korra’s hair back gently. “Korra, I will be alright.”

“You will be, as soon as I get you to Katara.” Korra murmured against her shoulder, her voice soft as she rested against her.

“Anyone care to catch the rest of us up?” Mako found himself asking as he closed the door after the doctor. “I mean, we just watched Korra nearly break down a door to get to you.”

“Well…” Asami frowned slightly, her hand still stroking Korra’s hair. “There is a chance that I have a tumor. At least according to doctors. But healers that I have been too… They say that nothing is wrong with me.” She was fudging, just a little. After all, why mention something she didn’t believe in. “Obviously, something is going on.” Though… her thoughts drifted to the punch she had seen thrown in her vision. To the bending styles, the different elements… And thought of the woman beside her. There was only one person she knew who could do this, and that was the Avatar.

“A chance you… have a tumor?” Bolin asked, a frown on his features as he moved to sit on the very edge of her bed. “Asami, that is something so serious.”

“Don’t worry, we will get this taken care of.” Korra hummed, finally rising up from the other’s side. After all, it was embarrassing to still be kneeling beside Asami. They were friends, just friends, no matter her want to be more. Just friends was enough. It had to be. “We’ll get you to Katara and see exactly what is going on.”

“Looks like you and I are taking a trip to the South Pole, are we taking Naga?” Asami asked with a smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“That was such a long trip.” Asami murmured softly, offering a warm smile when Korra lifted her off of Naga’s back. “Thank you though.” Kissing her cheek gently before she pulled away. “So here to see Katara?”

“And my parents.” Korra smiled, wrapping arm around her friend. She hadn’t left Asami’s side since her getting out of the hospital. That had been a week ago, and she was worried as hell. Asami had been acting strange, from the odd glances to the constant chewing on her nails. Asami never chewed on her nails unless she was nervous. What did she have to be nervous about?

“Oh, that sounds exciting.” Her thumb lifted to her mouth nervously as she chewed on her nail, which earned her a lick from Naga. Nearly jumping out of her skin Asami’s gaze jumped over to the polardog as she wiped the slobber off of her face. “Well, thank you for the concern Naga. I’m fine. I promise.”

“You aren’t fine, which is why we are here.” Korra gave Asami a squeeze, her gaze moving over her from the corner of her eye. Something more was going on here, she just had to figure out what.

“Korra, you’ve returned home.” Katara’s voice was soft as she stepped out of her home. “Welcome, both of you. Please, come in. Naga, I am afraid after the last incident you will need to stay out here.” Giving the polardog a firm look the elder spread arms to welcome them before turning to lead them into her home.

Once they were all settled with tea the water bending master spoke to the two young women. “So I understand that something is wrong, but I do not understand what exactly. Korra told me something about visions?” She prompted gently.

“Well… I do not know if they are visions. My doctor says they are hallucinations. A healer I saw said they were well… that they were... “ Asami tried to admit it, but her cheeks flushed and she stared down into her tea.

“They were soulmate visions.” Katara supplied, making Asami look up quickly. “Yes I’m aware that you do not believe in soulmates. Korra has told me as much. But Ms. Sato, I must tell you, sometimes the most obvious answer is the truth.”

“But! That doesn’t make any sense. The person I’m seeing in the visions… I know them. And have for a while. Why would this just start so suddenly?” Asami attempted to deny, even while discussing such a nonsense matter.

“You see someone in your visions? You never told me that before.” Korra frowned as she spoke to the other.

“Well I mean… I haven’t always. It’s normally just what they are doing that I see. At first I thought it was myself doing things. But that didn’t make sense. Just like this doesn’t. I am a woman of science. Soulmates are nonsense.” Stating it firmly, as if trying to reassure herself more than anything, Asami shifted forward to set her tea down on the coffee table between them.

“Soulmates are very real young lady. I know because Aang and I were soulmates. Just as you and Korra are.” Katara spoke calmly, never missing a beat as she sipped her tea.

“What?” Asami gasped, her face flushing.

“Katara!” Korra yelped the woman’s name, the tips of her ears going red in the same way that Aang’s used to.

“What? It does not take much to see the way you care about one another. The love between you is clear. I think the people missing it were the two of you.” The master huffed, setting her tea down to speak to them properly. “I am far too old to play games with the likes of you. And I will not lie for your comfort. The truth is, soulmates are as real as you and I. As real as the two of you. What I believe you are experiencing is called Soulmate visions. It is rare that it happens in today's world. But, it can happen. Just as it has with the two of you. Korra, you have been seeing things yourself, have you not?”

“I mean, yes I have. But I don’t know of who. I just sort of… see things? Often paperwork and well manicured hands.” Korra grumbled, feeling embarrassed that her mentor would even suggest such a thing. They were best friends! Not soulmates. Asami had never even indicated liking… Did she like…?

“This… This is ridiculous. I came here for help, not to be made a mockery of.” Rising up Asami didn’t even so much as say goodbye as she took her leave, ready to get herself back to Republic City if need be.

“Asami, Asami wait!” Sending the elder woman a look, who simply shrugged as she picked up her tea again, Korra rose up and took off after the other. “‘Sami, seriously, just wait!” When her friend didn’t stop she used her bending, creating a wall of ice to stop her.

“That is cheating Korra, we’ve discussed this!” Asami snapped, rounding to face her with a finger pointed against her chest. “And I am not sticking around here just to have some crazy old lady tell me that soulmates exist when they don’t.”

“How do you know they don’t? And Katara isn’t crazy!” Korra defended, ignoring the finger poking into her chest. “She’s elderly, and knows what she is talking about.”

“Just because she’s old doesn’t mean she knows anything. I am a literal genius. If soulmates were provable, I would have proven them!” Throwing her arms up Asami glared at her friend, her heart pounding. This couldn’t be real. Because if it was real then it was Korra, and that would ruin everything. Statistically, they didn’t stand a chance. She’d run the numbers once.

“Soulmates aren’t something that can be proved or disproved! They just are. Sure, the cases of them are sporadic, but they happen! Like Aang and Katara, or Kyoshi and Rangi!”

“So you’re saying the Avatar statically always has a soulmate?” Asami challenged, causing Korra to flush.

“What I am trying to say is, not everything is statistics!” Korra shot back, uncaring of the fact that they were arguing in the middle of their village. Her hot temper was something well known. “Sometimes it’s about feelings. Soulmates are about feelings!”

“Feelings aren’t logical! Feelings get you hurt and why would anyone want that?”

“Why wouldn’t you want that? Sure… You can get hurt. But it’s better than feeling nothing. Asami… Don’t you feel anything?” The avatar found herself asking, her shoulders slumping slightly.

“Of course I feel things. I feel a lot of things. But that doesn’t mean I want to. It doesn’t mean I haven’t felt pain.” Shaking her head Asami ran her hands through her hair, trying to calm herself before she let out a sigh. “I don’t think we are getting anywhere with this argument.”

“Well I’m not about to stop talking about it now. Katara said we are soulmates. Do you believe that? Have your visions been about me?” Korra asked, trying to keep her voice gentle in the face of Asami’s dismissal. She didn’t want to stop this conversation. She wanted to get to the bottom of it all.

“I mean, not everyone can bend more than one element. And that was my last vision. But that doesn’t mean we are soulmates.”

“How does it not? There are studies about this Asami. Do you… Do you not want us to be soulmates?” Korra found herself asking, having already accepted the idea the moment Katara said it. If Asami was her soulmate she would sing across her lifetimes and rejoice. It would be a proud moment. Not something to be afraid of. Yet Asami seemed afraid. And she wanted to fix it.

“No! No, it isn’t that. It’s just… Korra you don’t really believe in this do you? What if… What if it ruins everything? You’re my best friend. I can’t risk losing that.” Shaking her head Asami reached out and took Korra by the hand, holding it between them. “You’re… everything Korra. Losing you would be like losing a part of myself.”

“I hate to be the one to tell you Asami, but that’s love.” Without further thought the brash avatar leaned close, their foreheads bumping gently together. “This… this is love.” With that she did it, she moved in and kissed her best friend.

This… This was just the beginning for the two of them. The avatar and her genius. Korra and Asami. The best friends, finally becoming more.

~~~~~~~~~End?~~~~~~~~~

#korrasamisecretsanta2020 #korrasami secret santa 2020 #korrasami #a gift for you #@gaymergal #I hope you like it

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gffa · 5 years ago

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[Part 1/2] I read your posts about the "toxic" aspect of anidala, and I'm curious to know your opinion about Padmé. Everyone says that Anakin's love is possessive/obsessive, and of course it IS, but many people ignore how Padmé herself was feeling. Personally, I think there's a tendency to forget Padmé's romantic/impetuous nature to paint her as the wise Senator who only thinks about democracy/greater good, when she's actually... the Juliet to Anakin's Romeo, if it makes sense?

[Part 2/2] She enjoyed all the drama/over-the-top romance, and she let herself get carried away by Anakin’s strong emotions. Fanon!Padmé seems to care more about democracy than her husband, when it’s not true; takes two to tango. I remember Obi-Wan in AotC saying to Anakin that if their roles were reversed she would do her duty over her feelings, but in CW’s episode Shadow Warrior she traded General Grievous for Anakin. Catherine Taber said that her heart wins over her head when he’s involved.

I absolutely agree with you on this! I think Padme’s romantic nature tends to get overshadowed by Anakin’s super obsessive tendencies because he’s so very much more intense about it, as well as he’s a main character, but hers are absolutely there, too.She starts Attack of the Clones as having strong, clear boundaries with Anakin’s feelings for her, she tells him not to look at her like that, she’s the one holding the line about how being in a secret relationship would destroy them, but it’s also increasingly clear that she’s holding herself to that line because she says it later on Geonosis–”I’m not afraid to die. I’ve been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life.”This is the same day where she ignores his murder of the indigenous children of Tatooine–despite that she is a Senator of the Galactic Republic! She’s not someone who doesn’t understand the weight of those actions!–because she aches for him and is falling in love with him. Because she’s swept up in the hurricane of his feelings for her and her own storm of feelings inside herself for him.Then she marries him after he came back into her life for what, like, three days? A week at most? Even knowing that it could derail her career as a Senator (to marry one of the Jedi, who are under the jurisdiction of the Senate, to cause a scandal that would force her to step down, whatever the complications are), even knowing this could destroy them, she still marries someone she barely knows because she is such a romantic for him.Even in the The Clone Wars scene I talked about how their love was good but also bad, she’s clearly shown to be swept up in the romance of it all with Anakin–she’s trying to get work done, he’s saying, “Aren’t I more important than work? Than your ideals?” and she tries to object, but Anakin makes a romantic gesture (one that’s sweet and, were it only to have stayed at that point, could have remained sweet, only we the audience can see the deeper implications of how terrible it is because Anakin literally means it that “nothing is more important than the way [he] feels about [her]”.

This conversation ends with them kissing, with Padme setting aside her work because she’s just so into this whole romantic thing with Anakin. She tries to protest, she says maybe he should go, but as soon as he leans in to kiss her, she’s kissing him back.

They’re interrupted, so who knows how much she would have put the breaks on this or flung herself into it, because she’s not as far down the line on this as Anakin is, but she absolutely feels it.She does put the breaks on their relationship after the events with Clovis, that she doesn’t feel happy or right in this marriage anymore, but by the time of Revenge of the Sith, she’s still with him and still coming back to how huge these romantic feelings are inside of her–a huge part of what causes her to give up on life is Anakin, how devastated she is by him no longer being the man she married.She also spends much of the time thinking about their future (while it’s unclear how much she notices that he never participates in those conversations, he always shuts it down or doesn’t respond or changes the subject), how she wants to have the baby on Naboo, how she seems to intend to leave the Senate.Later, she also ignores that he murdered the Jedi Younglings, she ignores that he helped burn down the Republic she cared so much about, that he’s saying he’s building a new Empire, and asks him, “Come away with me. Help me raise our child. Leave everything else behind while we still can.” She ignores what he’s done to other children and says, please, come help raise our child.

Padme may well have eventually had to face these choices in herself, in a way Anakin was never going to face them without external pressure to do so, I don’t think she was as willing to do the things Anakin did for his obsessive, possessive love, but she absolutely was a romantic and she absolutely set aside things that should have been really important, because her heart won out a lot of the time.Padme cares deeply about other things, she genuinely cares about democracy and the democratic process, there are moments where she still works to hold herself to her ideals, her beliefs, because she knows they’re important.But when it really comes down to it, when it’s a real choice between Anakin and her beliefs or her sworn duty, there’s a very clear pattern of her choosing her feelings for him, choosing him over anything else. She’s not going to kill a bunch of children for him, but she’ll ignore it when he does it.This isn’t just Anakin’s obsession for her, it’s Padme’s own feelings for him that she can’t control very well, too. You’re absolutely right that it took two to tango here and both of them did some really bad things because of those feelings. And none of this negates that there were good moments, that they genuinely cared about each other, and that they could be incredibly sweet to each other, this isn’t an attempt to say there was nothing good here! They could be adorable and teasing to each other in a light-hearted way and they both clearly really dug the idea of an epic romance. I love Anidala for both the toxic parts of their relationship and the good parts of their relationship!But when talking about the things they’re willing to set aside for that romance–or actively do for those feelings they have in their heart–Padme is someone who very much is dancing this dance, too.It’s easy to see how much she cares about her role as a Senator, that some of her most epic moments are when she’s giving a political speech or staring in horror at the political shitshow going on around her, because that is an important part of her. And, in smaller ways, she’s able to set her feelings for Anakin aside when she wants to get some work done. It’s not until he pushes the romance button extra hard or when she has to make a choice between the two, that we see Padme’s feelings for him will win out over the duty she swore to do and the beliefs she expresses.

#anakin skywalker #padme amidala #anidala #meta

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breakingbadfics · 4 years ago

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Thought Experiment Part 3

Do it again, my way.

So this one gives me a degree of creative libery because I’m adhering to a simple premise of “give rey a girlfriend and eventually get to the point where they can beat the tar out of kylo ren.”

There is no “rogue sith” outlier in my version of this story and so my version of “The Sith Resurgence” wouldn’t even be named that. but I’ll continue to refer to it as “my version” simple for ease of use.

The story begins With Han Solo, Chewbacca, and a girl. they’re in a piece of shit ship that they’ve been using while they hunt down the millenium falcon.

This girl is simply refered to as “Kara”

The story of episode 7 plays out as it had in the movie. up until Rey and Finn meet Han and Chewie, this is the reveal of Kara proper and the eventual reveal that Kara is in fact running with Han and Chewie because her father Luke Skywalker entrusted her to them.

Yeah we’re going there. Mara Jade is canon in this version of the story, She and Luke had a baby. The eventual reveal being that Kara was increcibly young and hadn’t begun any force training when things went south with Ben Solo, and Mara Jade died protecting her child as a building collapsed in on her.

Racked with guilt over failing Ben Solo, and Leia. Luke chooses to go into seclusion, and (while a bit fucked up) chooses to hand Kara over to his sister and brother in law knowing that they’ll lead her right and it’s really the only thing he can think of that would even start to make up for screwing up with Ben.

Kara Skywalker takes heavily off Han having spent a large chunk of her life with him, she’s exceptionally care free, an exceptional shot when given the chance but has the kind of take no shit attitude from Leia. She’s been living under the assumption her real father died in an accident she’s too young to remember, but is suddenly shocked with surprise to find that not only is he not dead but the primary goal of the Resistance is to find her dad so she leaps at the chance to join Rey and Finn

Kara is also the first to get the crush on Rey, and Kara tends to be a more grounding empathetic kind of source for Rey who would over the sort be more angry with things.

We also don’t mince words here, Kara’s gay, Rey has never had a relationship with anyone long enough to realy know what she likes, but she likes Kara. and they’re in a relationship somewhere between the ending of 7 and 8. Kara is the one who declares her feelings and Rey wants to try.

The Majority of the events of Episode 7 playout as normal but keep the aspects that foreshadow the forcebond. Then on top of that this version of the story we’re going to make Kylo Ren a threat. regularly showing off just how often he’s willing to make examples of everyone around him to the point that the scene where he force chokes a dude after he proceeds to carry him by the throat out into the front to display his death to a bunch of other first order officers to make a show of it. if you are going to have Kylo Ren be a piece of shit scum of the galaxy bad guy, you make him do the bad guy shit.

Han Solo Dies and now it’s compounded. This is a man who’s now a father figure to two young women; Rey and Kara, and with the latter being much more closely tied to him, witnessing the death of the man who raised her being a galvanizing event that makes he have zero empathy for her cousin.

The events of episode 7 end in roughly the same fashion with that leg of the story ending with Kara and Rey staying with the resistance until Finn is no longer in a coma.

Episode 8 begins with Rey and Kara participating in the easrly space battle and the bombing run at the start...well I’m split between it doesn’t happen at all, or it’s happening with out a hitch. So I guess for the sake of things they remain more or less the same.

Meanwhile Finn comes out of his coma, Rey and Kara grab him and they shoot off to find Luke Skywalker.

Meanwhile Poe ends up getting tagged up with Rose. Rose having a lot of words to say to poe and a lot of things to guilt him for. He is in effect responsible for her sister dying and she’s basically going to stay stuck on him, during this event they both decide to go find the master code cracker on canto bight.

We get to Ahch-to.

Theres a lot of emotion. Anger, sadness, screaming. This is the reuniting of a father and daughter. the daughter having trhought her whole life her was dead. There ids a lot to go over

assume a couple of chapters are devoted to explaining everything from luke to kara, and rey, and everything involving Ben Solo.

This is also the formal introduction of the force bond. The Force Bond serves the same literary purpose and ultimately creates the same kind of back and forth that Rey and Kylo Ren are able to speak to one another, but not physically interact. While still antagonistic it does allow them to have a slightly better angle at “Seeing each others point” but it’s made very understood that Rey has zero romantic desires towards Ben Solo, that said, it’s also a little less likely that Ben Solo is going to die.

Canto Bight goes like this Rose and Poe go looking for the master code cracker, and...get both. The Benicio Del Toro, and the weird sauve dude. the fake cracker and the real one present two sides of neutrality. during interactions Poe and Rose find out that The true master code cracker has accepted jobs from both the resistance and the first order on more than one occasion, never once informing one or the other of how he refuses to stick to one side and boldly showing pride in how he’s taking advantage of both sides, the del toro cracker is...what you saw in the movie, the guy pushing the whole “the only smart move is to not bother trying to get involved, and when you do get out as quick as you can” Rose and Poe hate both of them equally, and they both die before episode 8 is over.

Episode 8 ends similiar to the movie but with some changes minor and major. it’s both Kara and Rey that help the resistance escape from the first order, both of them doing the clearing rocks with the force thing. This is effectively the moment they cement theirselves as a couple.

and second Luke doesn’t die. There’s no overlying reason. I just don’t think Luke has to die.

Well there’s one. sometime around chapter 30 of the sith resurgence there’s a discussion had with the protagonists where there’s mention of who knows how many force sensitives are actually in the resistance and have never known it, and this is brought up as a cool “maybe we can do something with that” which is very hastily dashed away because the only person capable of teaching the force is Aliana and Leia dislikes her, so the idea is tabled.

So in my hypothetical Luke doesn’t die and basically goes on to start training Finn, Rey, Kara, and a handful of students pulled from both in the ranks of the resistance. it’s recognized that he himself is fallible and that he should not be seen as the be all-end all of the jedi philosophy, only someone who gets the ball rolling

Episode 9 shows that Kylo Ren assumes what he believes to be his true nature and rises to the ranks of Sith lord, submerging himself in the teachings of all kinds of sith lord holocrons. Though it’s slow, arduous, and difficult when every once in a while he’s pulled back when Rey talks to him as Ben.

Rey and Ben’s relationship should be understood as complicated, but when I say complicated, I mean there’s a strained notion of listening to each other but taking a heaping of salt along with it. Rey does not take shit at all, she recognizes that Kylo Ren’s identity is a security blanket designed to make him look strong. through the times they see and talk to each other using the force bond she very frequently talks over him and through him, she doesn’t call him kylo ren, she doesn’t accept him as Kylo Ren. Rey is effectively in charge when they talk. However sooner or later something cracks and Ben becomes human...kinda. Rey does not consider Ben her friend, nor does she feel put upon to try and redeem him.

More that Rey realises Ben might not be totally in control of his actions

The events of this version of episode 9 are much more personal. more contained. it’s obvious that the first order are going to lose, but everyone is waiting to basically find out what they’ll do as their last ditch effort.

The plan? a last ditch effort to take out corruscant, destroy the entire galactic republic by way of eliminating the entire governing body.

How are they going to do it? The Death Star. Kinda.

So the first order very quietly start scavenging and eventually found themselves pulling the debris and other things off the Second Death Star, They rebuild the Super Laser, it can only fire once, and there’s a 50% chance that the things will explode, cuasing unknowably large amounts of collateral damage.

Hux has checked out mentally. Phasma is quietly planning a coup because holy shit the supreme leader is suicidal.

And he is suicidal by the way.

Ben Solo is possessed. By what? The ghost of Snoke. It’s a very gray area but Snoke, like any abusive parent figure wants to live vicariously through their child, and in being killed by Ben at the end of episode 8 allowed him to do so very literally.

because lets go all the way in with how blunt this metaphor for being manipulated into hate groups can be

The stories final battle is effectively setting over corruscant, a complete mess of an affair with the planet doing what it can to evacuate, the fully ammassed Republic and Resistance forces fighting against a first order with nothing to lose and have fully embraced their existence as a suicide cult.

Ben Solo, and Snoke fight each other mentally, while fighting Rey and Kara. There are Knights of Ren, who are fully aware of the situation with Kylo Ren, so there’s this huge fight where our three story focuses are fighting each other, while also occasionally fighting the villains henchmen, who are also occasionally trying to beat the shit out of Ben when he wrestles control of his body.

Kylo Ren is killed. Snokes spirit dies. Rey stabs him through the stomach, and pull it out through his side.

Ben Solo lives.

In the end Kara is the one who chooses to use the Force healing tactic to heal Ben Solo. citing simply that he has no reason to not live, be that turning himself over to the authorities, trying to rework himself. The simple point is he has to attone in some way, and that isn’t by dying.

The story ends with Rey and Kara celebrating, the republic and the resistance celebrate victory.

The end.

I’ve been working on this for days and it feels rushed here and there and I ‘m trying to not sweat to much detail on somehting dumb like this.

#the sith resurgence #lily orchard

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chaoticspacefam · 4 years ago

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OC Music Meme

I was tagged for this by @actualanxiousswampwitch ! Thank you & sorry it took so long, didn’t have time to write this out before I left for holiday stuff so here we go! I shall tag: @actualanxiousswampwitch (go on give us another one XD), @a-muirehen , @kyber-heart , @thedinalixlegacy (no pressure as always, I know I’m kinda late now sksjkshskhs!) and anyone else who wants to do this, yes, I promise I mean you!

art is by @ ocellifera on deviantART! :D

Let’s do Aria this time, shall we! Since her playlist is the second-longest, and her and Vano’s ship playlist is the longest, we’ll have the most (probable options! Long post so goin’ under a cut. Additional TW’s for: drugs, alcohol, alcoholism, drug addiction and murder, in case I’ve forgotten to add it to the song-specific sections. If you click past this cut, know that this is what you may find there.

reminds you of them most: It was super hard to pick just three for hers, there were so many others I wanted to include here, but couldn’t, as I wanted to make sure I included songs that covered as much of her over-arching characterisation as I could. Honourable mentions to: Miss Jackson - Panic! At The Disco feat. LOLO, Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy, Beekeeper - Keaton Henson, and Bones Of A Rabbit - Young Heretics, which can all be found (and more) on her Spotify Playlist - catch-all warning for: sex, drugs, violence and murdering of parents applies here, be aware her playlist is very dark, just as dark as Rai’s but with differing subject matter, proceed with caution if you find anything like that triggering!)

You’re Going Down - Sick Puppies :: This one is kinda self-explanatory. I heard it on a Spotify or Youtube shuffle at some point a year or so ago and immediately went “Oh, hey Aria!” so onto her playlist it went XD “Because I'm hyped up out of control If it's a fight, I'm ready to go I wouldn't put my money on the other guy If you know what I know that I know.” don’t mess with the Tiny Sith, guys, she will put you in the medbay. She’ll do it, she’s done it before ask Vano what happened to the last guy *nods*

Liar - The Arcadian Wild :: This is a relatively “new” song in comparison, which was sent to me by a good rp/writer friend on Discord (who afaik doesn’t have other socials!) that I often discuss plot points etc. with among other things, saying “hey this reminded me of Aria thought you’d like it!”. I listened to it and yep, sure enough, it’s an Aria song. A big part of Aria’s character is that at the start, she really is quite a bad person. She’s nasty, and cantankerous and she really doesn’t care about anybody except for herself (and maybe her dad. A tiny bit.), as things progress, however, while she is still inherently quite rude and selfish, she DOES learn to value other people...provided they are people she cares about, like Vano, and her friends, and so on, as well as (sometimes, she’s working on it still) taking the blame for her own actions and learning it’s not “weak” or bad to a) admit you care about people, b) make mistakes and c) admit those mistakes and take responsibility for them. "I sense there’s trouble ahead, it’s clear by the signs and warnings. That should tell where all blame is due, So why are they pointing at MY head? [...] I sense deception to come. Honestly, truth and I are never one. 'Cause I am the lying man and I have made you my next victim. I need you to see through my act, to tell me I'm wrong, to take off the mask, or else I'll be left in the lie. And I'll deceive my way straight to demise! Cause I’m not in the right state of mind, I just wish I had strength to admit it. My stubbornness will put up a fight! But I don’t deserve to win it... I’m left in the dark, pondering my mistakes But in the light I swear I will, deny it all...”

I didn’t mean to post like half the song but woops it’s done so have it anyway lmao

Brutus - The Buttress :: TW: intense violent imagery in the lyrics. This one is very relevant but contains spoilers for upcoming and as of yet unposted/incomplete chapters (as in...like 3 ish chapters time at most) of Creeping Shadows, so I’ll post this quote as “explanation” and let you theorize who it’s about

“My name is Brutus and my name means “heavy” So with a heavy heart I'll guide this dagger into the heart of my Enemy! My whole life you were a teacher and friend to me Please know my actions are not motivated only by envy I too have a destiny! This death will be art! The people will speak of this day from near and afar This event will be history, And I'll be great too! I don't want what you have, I wanna be you!!“

reminds another character of them:

Where’s My Love? - SYML :: (Vano) I think the acoustic version is especially emotional : ))) Vano looked for her for years but couldn’t find her and genuinely thought Aria was dead. You can understand why she was so fucking angry when she found out that was a lie...but at the same time, she just wanted her love to come home :( “Did she run away? Did she run away? I don't know If she ran away, If she ran away, Come back home Just come home“

Mothers - Daughter :: (Myla, her mother) “Love all you need to love before it goes... When your face becomes a stranger’s that I don’t know. You will never remember who I was to you [...] I’m called “mother”, but they’re called “home”.”

Myla raised Aria for the first few years of her life, and really wanted to keep her away from both the Jedi and the Sith but as it became more and more clear that Aria’s Force affinity was as strong as her father’s, the situation rapidly spiralled out of Myla’s control. She tried to hide Aria, but in the end her father Noctis did find them and take Aria to train with the Sith. She didn’t see her daughter again until she was a teenager, suddenly turning up with the task to kill her for treason against the Empire (Myla is not the canon Imp Agent, but follows the general trajectory of the LS!Agent storyline i.e. an agent disillusioned with the Empire who eventually defects to the Republic with the help of the SIS.). Though she’s a Senator on Onderon now, Myla carried a blaster for personal protection and ofc knows how to use it, except...she couldn’t shoot her own daughter and that was all she wrote. I imagine her thought process during her final moments went something like in this song, especially the bit that I highlighted up there.

reminds you of a relationship of theirs, doesn’t have to be romantic, can be paternal, friendly, etc:

Tongues & Teeth - The Crane Wives :: Aria & Vano (Romantic). Aria’s relationship with Vano is incredibly messy and complicated. On one hand, she knows Vano deserves better, but at the same time she doesn’t want her to go anywhere else and it seems like no matter what she does to try and “warn her off” about what a “bad person” she is, Vano keeps coming back anyway. Ergo, this song. "Oh, I will ruin you. I will ruin you. It’s a habit...I can’t help it. I know that you mean so well, but I am not a vessel for your good intent. I will only break your pretty things, I will only wring you dry of everything! But if you’re fine with that, if you’re fine with that [...] You can be mine.”

Colours - Halsey :: Aria & Merak & Ziri (Friendship/Platonic Love) “You’re only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope, I hope you make it to the day you’re 28 years old...”

Aria “coped” (i.e. not very well but she did it) with the guilt of killing her mother and the stress brought on by the night terrors by self-medicating with glitterstims (spice) and alcohol, and this is how Merak in particular remembers her. Though she got clean from spice after they picked up Ziri, she still continued to drink (and still does) quite heavily, though at least it’s easier to manage that habit. Both of them supported her through this the best they could and it’s probably a big reason (other than Merak being Vano’s little brother) that they’re still Aria’s friends to this day, even if she doesn’t actively travel with them anymore.

(honourable mention to Agnes - Glass Animals which also falls under this “category” but I didn’t want this to get too crowded lmao, it is once again a super long post woops) You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring :: Aria & Roan/Darth Noctis (Familial/Familial Love) Listen, he may have taught her very bad emotional habits and turned her into a tiny attack dog, but her father did love & protect her the best way he possibly could. He was very proud of her and always envisioned her taking his place as a Darth one day (and it takes her a longass while, but eventually she does! Congrats dad!). That’s all I’ve got to say about this one 🤷‍♀️ Monster - Willyecho :: Aria & Satele Shan/The Jedi Order (Enemies to Begrudging Respect (eventually) “I can see the truth. No, you don’t have to lie to me. Don’t fill your head with things and think you’re free~ [...] You don’t believe in monsters, do you~?” ”Of course not!” ”Well, I do...” See me change...into something...darker....” My personal favourite from this “round”. It’s not until Ilum that Satele and the Jedi finally realise they have not “converted” Aria as they thought they did, but rather...they’ve had a Sith hiding under their noses, a Sith related to a Dark Councillor well-known for murdering Jedi no less, and that perhaps...the “deaths” she had convinced them were accidental, were in fact, not an accident at all. 😈 Aria, of course, gets her ass thrown in jail for a few years for this lmao When the schtick with the Revanites happens and Theron needs someone who can “negotiate in a civil manner with Sith”, he and his mother agree Aria is the best bet - if it works, the Sith will respond more positively to her than any other Jedi, if they kill her instead then they’re “rid of” her and don’t lose one of their own - when Lana’s point-of-contact happens to be Vano and the pair reunite after another several years apart, Aria refuses to return to the Republic after Yavin IV. By then, she’s developed enough of a begrudging respect for Satele (and vice versa) that the Grand Master lets her go (not that she was willing to try and fight Vano, Ni’kasi, Marr & Lana to try and take Aria prisoner again anyways). They haven’t seen each other since and though Aria is neutral to the Jedi who have joined the Alliance, she doesn’t care for those who are still loyal to the Republic and would rather have nothing to do with them if she can help it.

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kirbyspits · 4 years ago

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Korrasami was toxic too but nobody wants to admit that. They didn’t like each other in book 1-3. The only reason why they look so perfect now is because they started dating post-redemption when everyone matured.

*Part 2/2 Asks

If no one talks about it, it’s because nobody wants Korrasami shippers coming after them! Me included!

All jokes aside, I thought Korrasami’s dynamic was fine until I rewatched Book 4. I wouldn’t go as far as to say Korrasami is toxic, just because there’s not much we can actually go on in the show, but I can point out interactions I felt didn’t help strengthen the romantic bond between the girls.

But before we get into it, Anon, you gave me a lot of books to cover with a statement I’m not sure I agree either with because I need details 😏. I need to know which “like” we’re talking about. Are we talking about liking like friends? Or liking liking, like, like 👀? I have so many thoughts about both, but I’ll summarize and maybe write an analysis later!

Korra & Asami’s Relationship Development

Book 1: Acquaintances Book 2: A step below acquaintances? I swear they only spoke 3x 😬. Book 3: Friends! Book 4: Up to Interpretation if you watch only watch the show. Crushes if you read the comics.

Bryke’s Choices on Developing Korrasami in Book 4

The Reunion (B4E7):

Let’s start here since the posts I’ve seen in the past covered this fight to call out why they didn’t see the Korrasami ending coming. After Asami reveals that she might be ready to forgive Hiroshi, Korra questions Asami’s judgment. Asami snaps at Korra and then brings up the length of time Korra’s been away.

I get what Bryke was trying to do here. This episode is all about Makorrasami butting heads before making up in the end and getting back into their groove like the good old times. The premise is fantastic. Unfortunately, Asami and Korra don't have your typical Pride & Prejudice banter here. Instead, Asami gets upset, and Korra becomes defensive. Not exactly great for a budding romance. And before you say Korra and Mako fight all the time, yes, they do, and I talk about it in the first Ask. Also noting that Mako and Korra don’t have P&P banter in this episode either, but there is sentiment.

I actually misinterpreted Asami’s lines. I initially thought she was mad at Korra for being gone, based on Korra’s response:

“It’s not like I planned to be gone that long. I wanted to come back, but I never felt ready until now.”

I wish the context for this line was a little different. Viewers need to know Korra’s feelings on being away from her friends and Republic City for three years, but it’s a mistake to have her say it as a response to Asami’s anger. The tone does nothing to help bring the girls closer and stir up feels.

What sucks is Bryke was so close! Asami stating she was worried about Korra is perfect! It shows Asami has been thinking about Korra and, most importantly, that she cares about Korra’s well-being. Great recipes for shipping. Then Bryke ruins the connection by having Asami talk about a sensitive subject. Hiroshi. It has nothing to do with Korra, unlike Mako’s lines when talking with the girls.

Is Asami’s dialogue problematic tho? Nah, just because Asami was saying she’s no longer naive. I understand why Asami got upset with Korra, and I don’t mind that being the reason why she snapped. However, red flags start waving when Asami throws Korra being gone to her face. That was completely unfair and makes Asami unlikable in this instance. You know how hard it is to not like Asami?!

If the goal was to mention how Korra didn’t feel ready and needed the three years, give Korra the agency to talk about. All the sentiment that was just built up a minute ago is now gone. Instead of longing, there’s anger, which makes my ships sink.

The Last Stand (B4E13):

I don’t mind Korra feeling guilty about being gone for so long. That’s fine and natural. I do mind it when the narrative leads me to believe Asami makes her feel guilty about it. I also mind that this happens two minutes before the end of the episode. My question is, why the apology? Why make the choice to have Korra feel guilty for taking the time she needed to heal with Asami?

I don’t recall Korra apologizing to anyone else for the time she spent healing and I read it as an understanding that she never felt the need to. Why end a show with Korra, who pretty much suffered every type of abuse, carry this guilt with her? Especially when she’s around her future lover? Then Asami mentions her father, and I know Bryke meant well, having Asami emphasize Korra did nothing wrong, but it’s noted that Korra apologizes again for Hiroshi’s death.

Now I have no qualms with the second apology. It’s a natural response, and it was about time the show addressed it. However, we now have too many instances of Korra looking sad and feeling guilty around Asami. I didn’t mention Rememberances because we’re talking about toxicity and the dialogue in that episode is fine. But when we pull in Korra and Asami’s lines from that episode, in which a sweet conversation spirals into Asami struggling to comfort Korra as she reveals her insecurities and concerns, it can overshadow the instances of happiness Korra feels when she’s with Asami. I don’t want a depressed insecure lover. I want lovers that inspire one another and look up to each other. That’s just not something we see a lot of in Korra & Asami in Book 4.

Now let’s backtrack real quick to Korra and Asami’s Relationship Overview. I said Book 4 is up for interpretation if you don’t read the comics. Why? Because the comics state when Korra and Asami develop feelings for each other, which is in-between seasons. We have no way of knowing that in the show, so it’s up to the viewer to find enough context to know when Korra and Asami develop romantic feelings for each other.

The narrative that makes the most sense and is more satisfying for the few lines in Book 4 that seem out of place, like Korra apologizing to Asami, is when I picture the girls already going out. I actually see them together at the start of Book 3, if I’m trying to be canon-compliant for the show (yeah, Korra moved on real quick 😭). Picturing the girls together makes Korra’s sadness and guilt less concerning because it adds on a complicated layer. She needed to heal, and in the process of healing, she cut ties with everyone, including her girlfriend. It’s understandable why Korra did it, but now I can empathize with both Korra and Asami instead of just being confused why Korra thinks she did something wrong.

The Perfect Relationship

Lol, they’re canon, so it’s not like they can not work out and break up. They’re also the first LGBT+ couple featured on a major television network. Bryke cannot mess up their relationship and treat it like Makorra or any other relationships that had issues. It would be beyond insulting because there’s so little representation. So I think they deserve to have a perfect relationship. To me, it’s in the same realm as Kataang, so even if Korra and Asami continue to fight, it’s going to work out and be handled maturely. Not just because they’re older and more mature, but because they’re canon, and Bryke can’t break from that.

#kirbyspits answers #not sure how to tag this #don't think shippers will be a fan of this #im ok with this being lost in the the tumblr void

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elmidol · 4 years ago

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There is a Necessity in Balance (NSFW)

Three Blind Tooke Part Two Precarious Harmony

Read on AO3

Warnings: oral, vaginal sex

Three Blind Tooke

Part Two: Precarious Harmony

Chapter Thirty-Nine: There is a Necessity in Balance

Urvno entered your bedroom shortly after you had finished the cocoa and cookies. Kylo had left with Rey to address the Knights of Ren. A part of you suspected that their absence was also to ensure you were more forthcoming with the physician than you may have been when in their presence. He would not yet draw your blood for testing. Urvno informed you that you would fast that night to ensure that he could do so the following morning. In the meantime, he seated himself on a stool that he had brought with him. The datapad he carried was tilted your way, and you glanced over the information displayed. He had outlined what sort of dietary changes he wanted for you. These would assist in boosting your metabolism; it was a reminder that your uterus was not the only organ damaged by the lightsaber.

The First Order physician was someone you trusted with your health. He had always excelled at keeping you alive. You had harbored so much hatred, resentment and, yes, fear during your time on the Finalizer and Starkiller Base. Urvno has been the only individual—aside from Kylo Ren and General Hux—with whom you had let down even a fraction of your guard. You found your body readily relaxing in his presence. This contrasted with your unsteady relationship with General Hux. With the red head, you always had walls up. His cold eyes constantly searched for weaknesses in your armor. Tooka. A pet, which the man clearly viewed as being replacable.

One of the sweets that your mother had baked remained on the plate that was set on your bedside table. This you grabbed whilst the physician scrolled past the data outlining the dietary changes in favor of bringing up information regarding the exercise regime you would start with. It included images—scans, to be exact—of the weak points in your anatomy. Your upper body strength had not suffered quite so much as your lower extremities. You bit down on the cookie.

A second instance of Urvno scrolling revealed the first weapon that you would learn to wield. You fought to control your facial features. At any moment, until they left, either Captain Phasma or General Hux could walk into your room. They could see your expression and become suspicious. You clenched your jaw to prevent yourself from mouthing its name. That would be a huge mistake for the aforementioned reasons.

This was a projectile weapon, although you would not equate it with a blaster. A lanvarok. You had never wielded this, much less could not remember having any personal experience seeing it. It was a weapon used by the Sith if your memory served correct. The projectiles were controlled via the Force...which you did not have.

Rey, you realized. Kylo Ren was leaving you with Rey in part for missions like this first one. The target that would be killed by the lanvarok was a known collector of Sith artifacts. That meant black market. Deals went sour all the time. It made perfect sense to you. You only hoped that Rey could bring herself to assist you. Your Force bond would help guide her hand despite the distance that would be between the pair of you and the target. There were Force sensitive beings throughout the galaxy, ones that kept their powers a secret.

Your skills as an LDS and Rey’s capabilities as a Force user.

Initially you did not realize that you had started to hold your breath. Only the building discomfort alerted you to the manner in which you were agitating your lungs. A steady exhale followed by a slow inhale. You drew the tips of three fingers back and forth along your forehead. The training that you would undergo involved strengthening the connection you had with Rey. When it came to the first target alone, it was an individual with plenty of credits to toss around for protection. The Knights and Rey, or maybe Rey alone, would focus on them while you placed yourself into a position to fire upon the target. You would observe through a scope, your bond alerting her to the moment you pulled the trigger, and from there she would take control of the projectile.

It only made sense for at least one of the Knights to be present on this upcoming mission. Otherwise one of the bodyguards could overtake Rey, if not prevent her from fulfilling her part in the assassination.

The weapon’s capabilities in hand-to-hand combat would prove useful when you were confronted with the hired guards and mercs that protected the perimeter.

Of course, the new Supreme Leader of the First Order wished to keep his name out of the mission. He would not be involved in arranging a meeting. That’s my job as well, you thought. Not that you were surprised. When working with the splinter cell of the Resistance, there had been one mission wherein you had been responsible for a similar act. At that time, though, your target had been a First Order officer.

A tap by Urvno’s middle digit eliminated the data on the screen. You reeled back a fraction, startled by the suddenness of the action. Your eyes darted to the door to your bedroom. No one there. No sounds of footsteps. You supposed that there was no true reason for the physician to risk being caught regardless. It wasn’t as though you were physically ready to work with the weapon. Nor did you know if it was already on-planet. It was your target that you would be researching. Learning their routine, how they arranged meetings. That information would take some digging.

You settled back against your pillow and stared at the familiar patterns on the ceiling that had long ago been traced by your mind. This room was so small compared with your memory of it. Large when contrasted with the bunks and shared quarters that had been your life since leaving home.

Urvno did not rise from his position. He was content to observe you, the man likely assessing how your behavior altered now that you were not in enemy territory. He was the one out of place this time. That was...nice. Relieving.

“What do you think?” you asked. Receiving no answer, which you attributed to the vagueness of the inquiry, you elaborated. “You once tried to prevent us from meeting together. After Starkiller… Now we’re married. Does it terrify you that I may not survive? Or do you have more hope that it will be possible?”

He drew a hand down the length of his face. There were exhaust lines on his features. How had you missed those? Or had you conditioned yourself to ignore whatever glimpses of morality there were on the faces of those in the First Order?

You could hate so strongly. Hate blinds people. It was a lesson your parents had taught you, and that Ip had reminded you of on more than a single occasion.

“Don’t be afraid,” you told the man, the gentleness in your voice half faked and half genuine. An echo in the mind: that line, by countless voices. Your father. Kylo. Ip. Kylo. Yolo Ziff at one point. Kylo. Your stomach clenched. How was your former enemy, your current husband, among those names? That part of his humanity that complicated things. The phrase spoken as a manipulation tactic then more softly, earnest. “I guess that isn’t fair to say.”

For the first time since you had met the man, the final sliver of coldness melted away from the man’s gaze. There had always been a sort of wall in place before. A barrier that stated you were Resistance and he was First Order. Urvno reached for your hand, enclosing his around it. Something a parental figure might do. Your eyes stung. There was a tightness in your chest that clenched, unclenched, clenched again. You dared not lean too much on this man, not physically nor emotionally. But you kept your hand in his, and drew comfort from the contact.

“We were all told that Snoke was overthrown due to a betrayal he had dealt the First Order. I signed up to serve the cause, not a single being.” You had done that as well, which was why when Kylo Ren and General Hux had mocked singular beings you had been able to ignore their jabs. But whenever they ventured to curse your beliefs, you had lashed out in retaliation. “The galaxy is far from what it could be.” This view you shared.

By pushing for the galaxy to demilitarize, the New Republic had crippled those in need. They had allowed attacks on Outer Rim planets, and they had allowed the First Order to grow in the shadows. The military did not exist solely for war. That was something your father had taught you. Protecting the weak, similar to how the Jedi functioned, that was the role of the military as well. It was what General Organa had tried to remind the New Republic of. And she had been deemed a warmonger.

Deciding that enough time had elapsed, that it was becoming too familiar, you withdrew your hand from Urvno’s. The physician stood. He verbally repeated the dietary changes that would be implemented, as well as reminded you that fasting was imperative for accurate results. There were several things he wished to test for. A mini exercise routine would be copied to a basic datapad that he would bring. You took basic to mean childlocked. No extra features. No means of giving into temptation to contact the Resistance. That was fine. You were committed to the mission. Most important, to staying by Rey. She was the Light, along with Luke Skywalker. A beacon of hope that the Resistance and its allies would fight alongside. That was your duty. You didn’t need anyone else to tell you as much.

I need to find a way to read up more on Sith lore. This could be a trick. A way to manipulate Rey to give into the Dark side of the Force.

“I’ll follow your orders,” you said. There was wiggle room in your words. You did not promise the extent of your loyalty nor its duration.

As soon as he left and you were alone in your room, you rose from the bed and walked over to the window. There was life, vivid and brilliant. You had missed Naboo and its sights. Space was gorgeous in its own right, but it could not compare with home. On this planet were the people you had known while you had grown. Some of them had pretended there was no looming war. That had been your mother. Misguided. Hopeful.

Hope was that double-edged blade you had never mastered. One day you would, this you swore to yourself.

On the other side of the window pane, Rey and Kylo stood opposite one another. Their postures were different from what you had observed when they sparred. A lingering sense of peace buzzing in the back of your mind; the impression via your Force bond that the young woman was calling upon the Light. She was looking to your husband for guidance on...you did not know what. There were countless things she could be asking. A former scavenger. A young woman who had been waiting on Jakku, some backwater planet, for her family to come back for her. Now thrust into this war, into the position of symbolizing hope for many. She, like all living beings, had her doubts. There were vulnerabilities that she had to be hiding.

I had many teachers, even those beyond Ip, you thought. She’s had to be on her own. And now that she has both Skywalker and Kylo… You sucked your bottom lip into your mouth and lightly bit down on it. But Kylo can’t learn about Luke’s connection with Rey.

“Tooka.” You startled at the voice that broke through your internal musings. The muscles in your legs tightened, though your torso remained more limber, allowing you to twist around with a certain amount of ease. You met the man’s gaze for but a moment prior to staring at the ground.

The eyes were the key to the soul. At that moment, you were guarding a secret: that your mother still lived. General Armitage Hux was skilled when it came to reading others. You knew that he could read your moods. Always searching for your weaknesses. Avoiding his gaze could prove a fatal act if it was for a prolonged period. As soon as you gathered your bearings and successfully placed your mental defenses, you took a deep breath and looked his way. Acted for all the world that exhaustion had been the reasoning for your behavior.

“General.”

“Grand Marshal, actually.” Oh, how he loved his titles. This one caused you pause. Kylo Ren could very well be weaponizing the promotion; it would assure that Hux failed to act on plans to overthrow the new Supreme Leader until for a time. Stroke the man’s ego and he would remain content until other obstacles in his quest to obtain power were eliminated. The Resistance first of all. Unless Luke Skywalker was the foe he feared most. “And you, his wife. New names that place us under him.” Unspoken: I shan’t remain under him for very long. The Supreme Leader is dead; long live the Supreme Leader.

You cautiously stepped forward, your eyes searching his face. His flesh was tight near his eyes. Mouth pulled into a frown. This was not gloating. Now that you were paying attention, you saw the underlying resentment that contrasted the victory such a promotion granted him over others. Others who were, ultimately, already beneath him even before Snoke had been overthrown. Grand Marshal Hux walked into the room only to pause in his steps one stride later. You wrapped your arms around your midsection, cupping your hands around the limbs to keep them busy.

“Is the rank official yet?” you asked when silence had stretched on another fifteen seconds. He quirked an eyebrow. “You seem the sort of person who’d want a whole ceremony and parade.” The redhead barked out a laugh filled with amusement. His shoulders were still shaking when he brushed past you to peer out the window. The thoughtful hum prompted you to twist around and return to your former position, albeit this time beside the Grand Marshal.

There would be no parade in his favor; and whether or not he wished for one, it did not matter. You observed him via your peripheral and his reflection. This took some time and effort on your part. Any time Rey or Kylo would shift, your eyes refocused, eliminating the opaque version of Hux. His attention shifted to the former Jakku scavenger on occasion, however he was predominately fixated on Kylo Ren. Armitage’s upper lip curled in unconcealed disgust and frustration. Hatred. A slight blessing for the Resistance. The newly deceased Supreme Leader Snoke had been wise to create that wedge; the pair would have overthrown him sooner. And now? Now it gave the fragmented Resistance a fighting chance to regroup.

“It must kill you to be cooped up here.” This was not a jab at you. His voice and tone were both too soft for that. You side-eyed the man, attempting to learn his motivations. “I’m no fool, tooka. I know you are always plotting.” He gave you a once-over. “That may explain things. A subconscious realization that you needed to be kept weakened. Never enough power to overthrow him. Perhaps he was not quite so blinded by his personal interests as I had allowed myself to believe.” His chest puffed out, his nostrils flaring. Grand Marshal Hux crossed his arms behind his back and tilted his head to the side—towards you, as though you were some co-conspirator. “That won’t last once he leaves this planet, will it? You are a stubborn woman. Not that stubbornness always stems from wisdom.”

There was the jab you had been anticipating. A weak attempt; it attacked your views without becoming too personal. His plans to overthrow Kylo Ren had a place for you. “So… We both know I’ll never give up—something I’ve said since I was first captured.” A deflection that lacked a proper closure to the conversation. Here the Grand Marshal turned his head to stare directly at you. You, on the other hand, started to watch Rey. You could see the side of her face. Her jaw tight, her eyebrow pulling inward, an indication that she was glowering in agitation at the older Force user.

The pair outside had their similarities, but they were ultimately, drastically different from one another in key ways. Kylo possessed a selfishness that Rey did not. He had grown up with so much only to decide it wasn’t enough. Rey had owned almost nothing but made the best of it. They were bound to clash from time to time.

Hux is witnessing this as well. He’ll want to use Rey.

You cleared your throat, noticed the subsequent twitch that came from your companion, and confirmed the young woman had caught his attention as well. Grand Marshal Hux smirked instead of becoming flustered. He did not utter another word to you. You clenched your jaw whilst the redhead exited your room. Everyone believed they were in control. So delusional. You wanted to be in control, however that did not mean that you deluded yourself into believing that you were. You did what you could. Fought against your restraints. Made progress. It was why you did not ignore Rey.

She had not altered her expression. It was that frustration with Ren that Hux would play upon, the same way Snoke had done to him and Kylo. In some ways, you might be forced to utilize that frustration. If that was what it took for her to correctly assist you with the lanvarok. The difference being that you would be working with her.

Hoping that the calmness you sometimes felt from Rey worked in the reverse, you closed your eyes and tried to think of happier times. In solitary confinement, such things had helped to keep you sane.

Instead you felt a spike of irritation that rushed through you, stabbing at the back of your head. You reeled forward. Hands shooting out, you caught yourself on the edge of the window, tough your forehead hit the glass all the same. You dropped down to your knees. Out of sight should Kylo or Rey look up in your direction. It hadn’t been a soft thud. A roll of your eyes. Inward curses. The Force was not your friend even if it existed inside of you.

Even from your room, you could hear the front door open. It hit the wall hard enough that it was obvious it bounced back towards the individual entering. Wood meeting flesh. They caught it with their hand. Either Rey or Kylo; you were unsure which you preferred to see. As long as they separated from one another, you did not care. Light could consume darkness. Darkness could consume light. Both were difficult for you to handle. That was when you didn’t have a headache. You growled low in your throat whilst running a hand along the point of impact. Flinched at the spike of pain. Another swear left your lips, this one different from the one you had uttered when first you had injured yourself.

Footfalls on the stairs. You held your breath to better hear their sounds. At last you identified the owner. You twisted around without rising from your spot. This allowed you to greet the young woman the moment she entered your room. Your eyes tracked her movements all the way to the bed, upon which she sat. Thankfully it was on the edge and facing you. Her lips were set in a frown that bespoke of a previous pout or snarl.

“Are you okay?” Your inquiry was not immediately paid much heed.

She blinked, knit her brow, and visibly thought of what you had asked her. Once the question registered, Rey drew her legs up off of the floor and crossed them while she answered. “Kylo is able to sense Master Skywalker to an extent. He knows we’ve had contact...and lying to him doesn’t completely work.” Oh how well you knew that to be true. “He said he will speak with the Knights of Ren so that they can help me… Help me while I distance myself from Skywalker. He sounded sympathetic.” So did she as she spoke. Rey did not yet want to relinquish the idea that one day Kylo Ren could turn back to the Light, however you could tell that she was realizing it was something he would have to choose to do. No one could force him.

What were you supposed to say to that? You wished to comfort her without lying to do so. You chewed on your bottom lip while ruminating on which approach, what words, were best suited in these circumstances.

It took you but a minute to realize you had an answer for her.

“A grudge like what he has doesn’t fade. And… You want the Knights to trust you, to feel comfortable, I know that. I don’t know their history with Skywalker—if they have one.” Rey nodded in thought, her facial features relaxing. “Hate helps him. The Dark side feeds on it, and he’s allowed it to consume him for years. You don’t have to give up hope, Rey. We do what we can. We’ll do it together. Actions can speak louder than words. The bond you share with him might help him feel how it is to choose the Light every time that you do.”

Just then, you were allowed to feel it. The warmth as more of Rey’s agitation faded away. She gave you a small smile. It brought to mind the question, or repetition of the question, of her capabilities with a lanvarok. How adept would she be with the weapon? Furthermore, how skilled would you be? The warmth rushed through you in waves. Just as the fears and doubt coursed through you, that sense of contentment from her helped to ease the worries.

“Kylo wants me to train with a lanvarok,” the former scavenger said. She knew how to play ball in this court. Grand Marshal Hux and Captain Phasma would not be surprised to hear this information if they were eavesdropping. You nodded, locking gazes with the brunette. “As a polearm, I shouldn’t have much trouble. I used a staff on Jakku. And it’s impervious to lightsaber blows, which may come in handy.” Rey cupped her hands together on her lap. “There is a distance of only five meters if I practice with a different model.” The model that you would use. A frown tugged at your mouth. That wasn’t enough distance, not for your comfort. “One of the Knights has been tinkering with it, finding a way to make a hybrid so that it can be fired from a further distance.”

The unspoken portion: there was a chance that this hybrid would never see the light of day. And where would that leave your mission? You could do it, technically speaking. They would be watching Rey’s lanvarok. Your smaller model could be concealed. Once you pulled the trigger and she took control of the projectile...no one would see it coming.

“You have your work cut out for you.” Translation being we have our work cut out for us. She understood what you meant and nodded.

Once you were able to study more about the target, you would grow comfortable with the task. You looked in the direction of the space heater. You had turned down the temperature, neglecting to shutdown the device until some of the tenseness in your muscles went away. That tension had lessened after your time with Urvno, and again now that you were with Rey. If only your mother could be there; you wouldn’t need the space heater at that point. The differences in opinion that you and she had did not negate the fact that it was such a relief to see her in person. To know that she was alive, that she loved you—or part of you, the part of yourself that you sometimes missed. Even with the hurt that she felt, she had made you cookies. This was proof enough that she cared. She was, in her own way, accepting the differences.

At night, when all becomes quiet in the house and darkness surrounds the building in which you had spent your childhood, you laid in bed with your back to Kylo Ren. It was not to snub him. The man was watching you in that familiar manner. Studying not your behavior but your very existence. As though you might disappear if he blinked. A small part of you had wanted to sleep with Rey instead, to whisper and hope that no one overheard your discussion of how to handle the future mission. You were tired of being out of the game. As soon as you had settled down in bed with your husband, however, it had been easy to relax. It served as a reminder that you were smarter than that; taking needless risks would ruin everything.

You turned around to lie on the opposite side and stare back at the Supreme Leader. This was not how you had expected your life to go. That thought reminded you of conversations you had had with him in the past. There was no fading away into reminiscing. You clung onto the present by scooting nearer to him. Kylo dipped his chin; you had slipped further underneath the covers, and your face was more in line with his neck.

With the lights out, there was much of him that you couldn’t see. That would play in the reverse. You reached a hand out to touch the side of his face. This tangible connection that he refused to make himself. A contrast to your history with him, although you were aware of the reasoning. Reasonings, actually. He did not wish for the Grand Marshal to hear you in the throes of pleasure. Nor did he want to exacerbate the genuine exhaustion that plagued your body. Lastly, he was silently pouting over your fondness for the female Force user.

She missed Finn. Kylo had informed you of this, substituting Finn’s name with the label of traitor. Guilt was drowned by hope, which was a relief for you. There were already far too many anchors holding you down. You would break each and every one of those chains in time.

The flesh underneath your fingertips was harder when you touched his scar. Smooth in its own way. “I miss bedtime stories.” Back when monsters weren’t quite so real.

Kylo embraced you with a single arm then drew you more tightly to him. You did not struggle. Closed your eyes and breathed in his scent. He smelled clean. And suddenly you thought of the ashes, the ones he had smeared across you on the day, or perhaps night, you had been reborn as his prisoner, his guest...as Tooke. What had happened to those ashes? The electronic tooke pet was on the bedside table, its settings on silent mode so that it wouldn’t keep either of you up all night. Things. Symbols. You did not want to be materialistic, that wasn’t you. It hadn’t been you, your mind corrected. Now there would always be a part of you that craved the feel of something tangible.

He asked you why you missed the bedtime stories that you had heard growing up, and you found yourself unable to articulate your reasonings. There were countless. The few that made any sense sounded immature, childish, whimsical, foolish. You were too jaded to speak them aloud.

“It doesn’t matter. I just do.” A soft sigh escaped him. You felt the heat of his breath on your eyelids as your lashes fluttered. His hand slipped up underneath your shirt, its palm meeting the small of your back. You rested your forehead against him, closed your eyes, and let yourself drift off to sleep.

Morning began early for you. Urvno drew your blood for testing, and you followed both Rey and your husband to the front yard where they planned on training. Captain Phasma stood off to the side. Her helmet on as usual. The Grand Marshal, on the other hand, had his facial features exposed. The distaste in his expression when his eyes drifted to Kylo; the passing interest whenever he considered Rey. So long as Luke Skywalker remained alive, Hux knew that it was wise to keep a Force user nearby. Phasma would go along with him if it meant surviving. Together, these two could potentially eliminate Kylo Ren—and the galaxy would be all the worse for it. A First Order run by two merciless individuals. Perhaps together they had dealt with the senior Hux. Such thoughts made you sick to your stomach.

Two Knights of Ren, one of which handed Rey a staff, joined the Supreme Leader. She would be facing multiple foes. Later on, in the absence of the triumvirate, Rey would wield the lanvarok. It was here on the planet somewhere, the polearm version that she would be in charge of.

They started slow. Rey ducked under the swing of the taller Knight’s blade. A moment for breath then the second Knight charged her and aimed for her feet. She used the staff to give herself leverage, landed on her feet behind the Knight, and knocked one end against his back so that he stumbled. Another breath. Kylo Ren came at her with his lightsaber ignited. Having observed him on the battlefield, you instantly saw that he was holding back. There was no aggression. His movements were slow, allowing Rey to see where the blow would land so that she could catch it. Had she been wielding the lanvarok, there would have been different angles for her to use. You noticed her eyes dart to those points on the staff. It was mental work as much as it was physical.

The training was for your benefit as well. If you were unfamiliar with how Rey handled the weapon, you would fail the mission. Maker, you wished that the Grand Marshal and chrome armored woman would leave Naboo, that they hadn’t arrived at all. It would have been easier to train. These limitations were irritants.

But, father, you taught me patience. You relaxed where you sat. All tension in your body faded away, melting in a similar manner from back during your training with the splinter cell. Those days in solitary confinement that would have otherwise driven you insane. You taught me how to live. I’ll succeed. I won’t—I can’t disappoint you.

Kylo Ren told Rey to use the Force on a stone that he handed to her. He wanted her to balance it in the air, to keep it afloat, as she maneuvered through another staged attack. That was a trick. Balancing one’s focus on the polearm and the disc; a staff and a rock.

Captain Phasma remained off to the side for the duration of the training session. Grand Marshal Hux disappeared into the house three quarters of the way through. It wasn’t arrogance that made Armitage leave. He trusted Phasma to take care of whichever Force user would be of less use to them. Or to find the weaknesses of both. You were glad that the Knights did not leave Rey’s side when Kylo did.

The man you had recently married made a gesture with his hand as he walked past you. You rose, heeding and accepting the invitation. He entered the room that he had been frequenting. Your father’s study. “He told you.” You murmured a timid response of I finally asked. There was no need to state that the First Order officer had baited you into asking. Kylo knew the redhead well enough to already know this. “How much?” Hinting at an illness, that’s all. A snort from him. Kylo twisted around, his eyes pinching in the corners. Mouth twitching into an expression of annoyance. “Would you like to know more?”

“Yes.” You were breathless, desperate. Your husband nodded, raised a hand, and called upon the Force. There was a hidden compartment in the wall to the study. You took a step backwards when it slid open. Secrets. Kylo allowed his compassion to bleed through, stating that children were often oblivious to things they did not wish to see. Signs of illnesses. Focusing instead on the times when your father was in remission. Kylo gifted you with the comfort of privacy. You sat on the floor of the study with the files that told you your father’s true medical history, and you cried in despair and awe. Your father had been stronger than you have ever known.

Eighty-five minutes passed before you left the solitude offered by the study. You did not want to be alone anymore, and it was not Rey that you sought. Kylo Ren was seated on the end of your bed. His elbows rested on his knees. His hands cupped together with something in his palms. His jaw was moving, though his lips remained pressed together. No sound from him until you were inside of your room with the door closed. Only then did he look up and inform you that the electronic tooke had died.

“The battery?” you asked without pausing in your steps. Kylo shook his head. “Oh.” You did not know how you felt about that. It seemed such a small thing. Miniscule. Unimportant. It was a game that could be started over. You withdrew the device from the leather-clad hands, bent down to place the object on the floor, and rose back to your full height. Kylo Ren remained watching you. “It’s okay.” You had taken a second to assess the way your muscles felt, how strong your fatigue was. “It’s okay,” you repeated just as you sank down to your knees. His parted to make room for you. One hand immediately went to the back of your head. Its twin had met yours with freeing his cock from the confines of his clothing. He did not ask you why you wanted this. The truth? It had become a familiar sort of release that you craved whenever you experienced intense emotions. It was a connection with Kylo, who had seen your father through your eyes. You could not experience this with anyone else. Even your mother, whom you would speak with as soon as possible, couldn’t do this for you—allow you to feel as though you were floating beyond your body.

Your mouth was wet with saliva, which instantly slicked up his length as you took him into your mouth. Ren snapped his hips forward. You shoved him back towards the bed, the hand on the back of your head bringing you along. He groaned. The sound so hungry that it sent heat through your body, down to the tips of your toes. You felt your inner walls clenching, felt the wetness of your juices in your panties. The sensation of arousal was something you wanted more than an orgasm, at least right then. That buzzing in the back of your head. It would become louder as you came then fade away. You wanted to hold onto it. Which was why you let him rise on his second attempt. Kylo fucked into your mouth, and you set your hands on his thighs while letting him control the movements of your head.

His heavy breaths were loud, they had to be for you to hear them over the pulse in your ears. Your eyelashes fluttered. Through tears that formed as his cock slid along your tongue and towards the back of your throat, you stared up at his face. Kylo had been watching you for as long as he could before he let his head fall back. His breath hitching between gulps. He was close. Your throat bobbed each time you swallowed his cum. Only when he softened, as your tongue continued to tease his sensitive length, did he pull away.

Kylo Ren tucked his cock away, walked around you, and helped you onto your feet long enough that he was able to get you onto your hands and knees on the bed. You delighted in the sensation of teeth nipping at your shoulder through your clothing. “I don’t want to cum,” you whispered. Tried to whisper. It was not a scream, was less than a conversational tone even, but it wasn’t a whisper.

You knew that he understood your meaning without further explanations. One hand toyed with your breast. A gentle massage. Just enough to tease you. The other hand finding its way between your legs. Three fingers rocking back and forth, bringing you close to the edge. Then the contact was broken. Your inner walls spasmed. So close. Your body screamed at you that it was so kriffing close to release. That delicious buzz.

“Oh...kriff...yes….” A shudder ran through your body. Arousal ebbed—and he knew it. Kylo hooked only two fingers between your legs this time, wedging them between your outer lips with ease. He manipulated the wetness in your underwear and used it to slide his fingers back and forth against your clitoris. You rocked into his touch. “Please.” Please keep prolonging this moment. Don’t let release come. Don’t let this moment end then fade away.

He whispered your name. Your body reacted to that as well. It was almost too much. “I can give you what you want,” he purred. Air felt so thick. How could you breathe? You were panting, that was how. Panting and nodding, because he could. He could and he was. “There is no resistance.” Or was it capitalized in his statement? Was he denying your association with the Resistance? Did it matter?

It should, a quiet voice said.

Should did not equate to does. The name of an organization should never define its existence, shouldn’t claim to own a set of morals or views. Your mother somehow opposed both the First Order and Resistance. Two extremes?

“I need more,” you whimpered, wanting the buzzing to return. Craving it. Needing it—it needed to drown out those thoughts. Those thoughts would otherwise make you wonder what your father would have wanted. You would never know, and you could never know. All that you knew was that he had wanted you to live, that he might have been afraid to die but he did it with a brave face. And that was what you wanted to do. You wanted to do what was right, but suddenly the galaxy wasn’t black and white with the First Order representing evil and the Resistance representing good.

There needed to be a gray area, otherwise the war would never end.

“More,” you cried out when Kylo did not immediately respond. He chuckled, albeit not cruelly, and kissed the side of your neck. His tongue swiped along the shell of your ear. Body pressed tightly against yours, pinning you to the mattress and toying with you. Then he showed you, once more, how skilled he was with words. Dirty whispers that brought out a: “Slow down, I’m not ready to cum.”

“Shh, I got you,” he said, easing off. Holding onto you. Not breaking the contact, and following your lead, your needs. “We’ll do this together.”

He may have been talking about sex, or the, or both. There had to be more than just light or just darkness. Gray. A balance. Sometimes the light was blinding. Sometimes you needed that darkness. Sometimes, you felt, you really did need him.

“Yes...please… Please…”

#kylo ren x reader #kylo x reader #kylo ren smut #kylo ren imagine #three blind tooke #elmidolfanfic #precarious harmony

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writings-from-the-hart · 4 years ago

Note

Its Tender Tuesday! Spill the beans on meaningful touches--doesnt have to be erotic (but can, if that's their thing), just any special little touches your special someones share with each other <3

Tender Tuesday!

*Clasps hands together and puts on my WIP’s love playlist.* Alright, you want me to spill the beans I’ll spill ALL the beans and make these people turn 50 shades of pink. These are characters from my current Wip Renegade! There’s probably more ships to sail in this Wip but these are the main two that get the spotlight the most and they just make my heart so full. I promise I’m writing an action thriller and NOT a rom-com, so I don’t know where all this sappy romance came from.

Eric and Valentina

Their relationship is a complex one ranging from enemies to friends to something a little more than friends, back to enemies, and finally a hinted relationship possibly. So when it comes to meaningful touches there’s a very broad range of what ANY touch can mean, but that could be because touch is a very taboo thing in the world of Renegade unless the other person is an established family member. However, they do share a few touches that defiantly convey that there is something defiantly going on between the pair.

- Whenever Eric and Valentina are seen on the battlefield they can almost always be seen together. Valentina will often trail behind Eric watching his back and she will lay a hand on his left shoulder (his dominant hand) so he knows that she is behind him, keeping an eye on their surroundings. If there is a problem she’ll squeeze his shoulder; each number of squeezes means a different kind of situation, for example, one firm hold means stop and three quick squeezes signals “we are being followed.”

- Valentina likes to create constellations out of the freckles on Eric’s shoulders, an area of skin that rarely seen but is when he’s boxing. And Eric likes to braid strands of Valentina’s hair, if she let’s him, because it reminds him of his younger sister, plus Valentina’s hair is also super soft.

- When Valentina feels like someone is threatening or degrading Eric in her presence she will stand between him and the other person (granted she’s shorter than Eric) acting as a sort of barrier between the two things, she’ll even place a hand on his arm to gesture that she’s “guarding” him. She won’t admit it but Eric’s presence has kept her from getting into many fights that she would have gladly taken part in to “defend his honor.”

- There is a small blessing in having to wear a helmet 24/7 because it means there can be more stolen looks at the person who you’d wish to do nothing more than devote your whole being to. Eric has lost count of the amount of times he’s spaced out at the wrong time or used Valentina’s presence as a means of staying present in the moment during a panic attack. It’s a wrong thought and he knows it (defiantly toward his second in command) but he swears he has Valentina’s every curve and edge as well as movement memorized to the finest of details. However, Valentina is just as guilty as Eric is when it comes to stolen looks. She swears to herself that she still hates him for dragging her into the mess she and the rest of the Cards are trapped in, but how can she hate someone that she literally stares at and recalls what it feels like to be hugged by him when she should be listening to a mission brief. “It’s complicated.” That’s all they can really say.

- The most intimate and tender touch Eric and Valentina have ever had is something the both of them often remember and wonder if it actually happened. It was a mission gone wrong Eric offered Valentina his jacket so she wouldn’t freeze to death in the rain and pressed his forehead to hers, an act of love and a “kiss” in the culture of Renegade, while admitting he “needed her.”

- Based on the above, since Eric and Valentina never talk about the “kiss” thing or talk about their feelings in general (this is a very very slow burn romance that kills me but I love it) Valentina has found a way to convey to Eric that she does “like” him. Whenever the both of them are present and standing next to each other Valentina will stand on Eric’s left side (his dominant hand), conveying to everyone in the room that she is the next in charge person, and if she is scared about a certain situation or notices Eric is she will reach over subtly and grab Eric’s hand and squeeze it twice meaning “I need aid” (if it was his shoulder) or in this case “I need you.” Because instead of saying the big L word they just say “I need you.”

Brazen and Xavier

This is a relationship that is rather. . . Hidden because these two people have had a great deal of trauma and abuse cross their paths when they were younger, so they try to keep anything they value as loving and sacred hidden. So it’s a lot of subtext and hushed whispers shared in the dark or locations people don’t know about. Then again Brazen is a criminal and knows how to work around and bypass the system quite fluidly, while Xavier is high up in the Republic so he has access to many things others don’t.

- Brazen almost always stands behind Xavier like a bouncer stands at the entrance of a club. If anyone wants to try to hurt Xavier or think about being rude and mean they’ll have to deal with Brazen and he isn’t known as the “God of Death” for shit’s and giggles, he will gladly murder for Xavier whether he’s told to or not (he rather have Xavier tell him to). And if he notices Xavier is tense, worried, or scared he’ll place a gentle hand on the small of Xavier’s back in reassurance that he’s behind him and won’t let anything happen to him.

- These boys are so touch starved it unreal, like lemme tell you about it! ALL the gentle touches mean the world to these two, like Xavier holding Brazen’s giant hand in his smaller one so he can look at the scar tissue where Brazen’s pinky used to be sets sparks off in both of those boy’s hearts. Brazen putting a hand on Xavier’s bony hip to move the slender man to the left so he can slide past him in the lab makes Xavier blush harder than a 15 year old school girl because “omgmycrushtouchedme.” Or the times where Xavier has to examine Brazen for wounds from a mission that went sideways, feeling his hands ghost the skin of Brazen’s body makes the two of them forget what words are and how to speak. ALL of the smallest, most subtle gestures of kindness mean the world to these boys who had to grow up too fast and starve for love.

- This one really isn’t a tender touch thing but it makes my heart so FULL so I have to mention it to you guys. Xavier is a clothes thief, he steals all of Brazen’s clothes when given the chance to so if he is seen wearing any kind of shirt, jacket, or sweatshirt that looks too big for him that’s defiantly not his and most likely Brazen’s.

- Brazen is Mr. Macho man and tries to always be super tough as much as possible but as soon as Xavier starts messing with his hair or scratching his scalp he becomes a big ball of mush. Brazen just melts underneath Xavier’s touch and loves his hair to be played with by the other man’s slender fingers and for his head to be scratched like he’s a cat. Xavier’s big love language is acts of service as well as touch so he loves to, when he can, to give Brazen back scratches and massages. . . But he’s been known to put Brazen to sleep by doing so.

- Xavier is awful when it comes to going to bed in his own bed, he’s more likely to fall asleep at his drafting table than on a mattress so Brazen always has to make sure he doesn’t or Xavier will do nothing but complain his back hurt or something. The pair love to snuggle together on a very old and very worn down couch that was put in the lab by nobody knows for sure who, Brazen is a space heater and once Xavier is carried to the couch he’ll do nothing else other than snuggle up close to the bigger man and drift off into an undisturbed sleep.

And those are some of my tender touches for these two ships in Renegade! I hope you liked them, I’m pretty sure there are more and I’m forgetting them at the current moment. So excited to be involved with this writing prompt, helps me take my mind off college stuff which is a definite must.

Happy Writing!

#wip: renegade #my ocs #oc: valentina storm #oc:brazen stark #oc: eric coalwood #oc: xavier lucian #tender tuesday

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i-dentities · 4 years ago

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[Subject name: Unknown. Begin transcript.]

Oh, Simmons, Simmons, Simmons. You want to talk about Simmons? Okay, I’ll bite. What a useless fucking idiot that man was. I mean, really, he was manipulative and cruel, but he didn’t make a lick of sense half the time. All bravado, you know?

[DSO Agent Inverness: But he was worth the effort of having him infected in Tatchi?]

Well, of course. We had a… complicated history. He made me what I am. He just never expected I’d be smarter and crueller than him.

[Agent Inverness: What do you mean, he made you what you are? When did you meet?]

[BSAA representative Jacobs: This is useless. Make her tell us where the Neo-Umbrella bases are.]

[Agent Inverness: We need to know the extent of Simmons’ involvement and the effect on the American government.]

[SSA Forster: Answer the question, Ms. Wong, and we’ll get you some water.]

[Subject looks up at the speaker, then into the camera on the wall.]

Is that my FBI profiler? Boy, I’ve got the whole menagerie, Special Supervisory Agent Randall Forster.

[SSA Forster: You’re not intimidating us, Ms. Wong. Start from the beginning.]

Oh, I’m not going to start from the beginning. You’d just pity me, and none of us want that. [Laughs.] I’ll start from the beginning with Derek, though. Let’s see.

You wanted to know about his, well, insidious effect on the American government? I suppose that’s where it starts. I was eighteen and he was twenty-five when he hired me to take care of General John Harrison. Romantic, isn’t it? I guess you all never tested for belladonna. [Note: Exhumation ordered immediately after this statement confirms presence of atropine and hyoscyamine in hair samples.] I must’ve been pretty good, because after that I was his go-to weapon for getting people out of his way, and he told me all about his big ideas. A world of chaos. You know the spiel.

[Agent Inverness: Why didn’t you tell anyone about this? Why did you go along with it?]

Ever listen to the song Sixteen Going On Seventeen from The Sound Of Music? You’ll have to get the full prognosis from Randall.

[Agent Inverness: So your relationship was intimate in nature?]

Is nothing private?

[Ms. Jacobs: You’re clearly showing signs of dehydration and exhaustion, Ms. Wong. We both know this act is getting you nowhere.]

Fine, I’ll sing for my supper. He considered himself in love with me and believed that I was or should be in love with him, and he was pretty damn convincing.

[SSA Forster: Did you perceive it differently?]

Oh, I believed everything he told me. I would’ve done anything to make him proud, back then. Can I get back to the story?

[Agent Inverness: Go on.]

So, he had his plans and his power, and I had my skills and my smarts, and we were - really - the perfect team. At least, that’s what he said. I brought him samples of various bioweapon agents over the years, to--

[Ms. Jacobs: Which bioweapons?]

To make the C-virus and develop reliable options, I was about to say. You really love interrupting me. It was… G-Virus, Raccoon City, 1998. t-Veronica, Sacred Snakes, 2002. The Dominant plaga, Eastern Slav Republic, 2011. I’m sure there were others.

I was personally involved with the development of the C-virus. If I may, I’ve been considered something of a prodigy. Derek always told me I was the only woman smart enough to keep up with him, whatever that’s worth, and I worked as a virologist at Umbrella in 1997. I mean, I’m sure you know all about my research for Neo-Umbrella. Marhawa, Edonia, even Tatchi… Field experiments.

And, of course, throughout this time I carried out all kinds of covert operations for him. I silenced people who knew too much about him, killed people who had power he wanted for himself, the whole nine yards. Anything to make him proud. Anything to advance his agenda, our agenda. He always told me… what was it? I would sit beside him when he was on his throne.

[SSA Forster: What throne would he have in a world of chaos?]

He was going to bring order to it. Under him. Listen to what I’m telling you; it’s a story. You’re a bad audience.

[Agent Inverness: Okay, where did you get the funding for your work?]

We pooled our funds. I worked hard, ran high-rolling jobs for all kinds of interests. Albert Wesker was one of my primary employers up through his death. Tricell, Umbrella, all kinds of militias, whoever could meet my asking price. I’ve always been pretty well-known in the bioweapons industry. Derek was the reason you didn’t have eyes on me until a couple years ago, he kept me out of reports and all.

When I was getting the Dominant plaga sample from the ESR for him, I posed as a BSAA agent, and in the fallout of the outbreak there I was labelled an international terrorist. I’m sure if you look, you can find his footprint in a few different intelligence databases, removing me. He was always so sloppy. [Evidence of file corruption in BSAA bioterror database coinciding with the time frame of this allegation has been found.]

For his part… you know he was a rich kid. That was where it started, and when our little operation grew he realized that you Americans really sink all kinds of no-strings-attached taxpayer money into all kinds of undisclosed national security projects.

I guess if you wanted to find something, one of his big sources was what he presented as a counterterror research and development operation. He called it Project Ada-- isn’t that sweet? Anyways, if you really get in the classified files there, my best guess is you’ll find... nothing. It wasn’t off the record, it was just Neo-Umbrella, and you gave us millions. [Existence of an US-STRATCOM undertaking codenamed PROJECT ADA from 1999-2009 has been confirmed; no evidence as to its function.]

Of course, I outgrew him eventually. Like I said, he made me even better than he was, and when I realized the monster he’d turned me into… [Laughs.] Well, I’m petty. I wanted to make him into a monster too.

[Ms. Jacobs: Why didn’t you turn him in?]

Would’ve been my word against his. Besides, then my plans would be ruined. Global infection, you know.

[Ms. Jacobs: So they were your plans?]

He’d given them to me. [Shifting.] What part of this doesn’t click for you, really? I’m exactly what he made me into. I know that. Tall Oaks… Tatchi… HAOS… that’s what I was made to do.

[Agent Inverness: So you orchestrated the assassination of President Benford?]

As much as I wish I could take credit for that, you’ve made it clear I have to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth just to get a glass of fucking water around here, so no. It’s confusing, I know. How do you want me to go through 2012-2013? In chronological order, or by topic?

[Agent Inverness: In order.]

Alright, but don’t blame me if you get lost.

Okay, so I’d outgrown him, right? But he didn’t know that yet. Without his knowledge, I expanded Neo-Umbrella’s operations and started developing HAOS. Then in December, he ordered me to go to Edonia to ensure the US government successfully acquired Muller. I should have the mission briefing in my personal files in the facility you raided. [A partially damaged film reel was discovered matching this description.]

[Agent Inverness: But you didn’t. You abducted Albert Wesker’s son and performed unethical experiments on him for six months.]

Would you have done any differently?

[No response.]

We both know you wouldn’t. He’d still be in your custody if you got your hands on him, just like this except the only crime he committed against you was having a father. How old was Sherry Birkin when you put her in Simmons’ custody? Twelve? How old was she when you stopped experimenting on her?

You’re just like me- no, you are- only you make the antidotes and I make the poisons, and with all your resources and human guinea pigs you’re still always one step behind. Is it worth it? Are you proud?

[Break in recording here.]

--so no, he wasn’t involved with the development of the enhanced strain. [Coughs.] Christ. Still no [Recording corrupted.] He was pretty mad when he found out about it in Tatchi-- the enhancement made it harder for him to control, but that’s later. Where were we?

[Ms. Jacobs: What about Captain Redfield’s team? Was that part of your ‘field experiment’?]

[Laughs] No, that was for fun. Bunch of rats in a cage, you just wanna mess with ‘em.

[Coughing and sounds of motion.]

Oh, come on, let’s not- hey, hey, hey, let’s not do this again. Am I in trouble for telling the truth, now? You asked, hey, why don’t you pick on someone your own size? Jesus. I’m delicate, you know. Fragile contents. I’m just answering your question.

I pretended to be a damsel in distress so I’d get escorted through a dangerous area, I do it all the time. I did it in Raccoon City. Just didn’t let them all go that time. Anyways, I didn’t like Edonia. All I got was an annoying kid. Can we move on?

[Agent Inverness: Is Tall Oaks more fun for you? You said that was Simmons’ work.]

Simmons’ show, my handiwork. It was my baby that triggered the outbreak. That was the basic C-Virus, of course; he didn’t know about the enhancements I’d developed with Muller’s antibodies.

My understanding of the situation is that Benford was planning to come clean to the public about the sterilization of Raccoon City, take responsibility. [Coughs.] Cute. Derek didn’t want to take responsibility, though; he was the first to call for the sterilization as soon as I’d gotten the G sample. Didn’t want any competition, you know. So he decided to silence the president instead of facing accountability.

[SSA Forster: You said he used your baby to trigger the outbreak. Are you referring to the Lepotica?]

Yes, my baby. They’re all my children; Lepotica, Gnezdo… they come from me.

[Ms. Jacobs: Let’s get back on track.]

[SSA Forster: You mean you developed them?]

I made them of myself. Loved them. Like Ustanak, like HAOS would have been, if your clowns hadn’t killed them. I talk to them, you know. Tell them about the world. They understand me, they listen to me. ‘My hideous creation, go forth and prosper.’ My children. They love me.

[Note from SSA Forster: The subject began to cry openly at this point. Though I’m unconvinced that her crying was authentic, previous autopsies have found traces of the subject’s own mutated DNA in Lepotica and Gnezdo specimens. This has been a subject of speculation, as well as the fact that Neo-Umbrella had samples of her DNA on file, but it seems clear to me now that she developed the strain of C-Virus that created them using her own DNA as a base, believing that it made the resulting Complete Mutations her offspring. This fits with reports of her close relationship with the neutralized human mutation called Ustanak, which she may have created in a similar manner.]

[Ms. Jacobs: Focus on the events of June 2013.]

[Agent Inverness: Take a moment, Ms. Wong. You weren’t in Tall Oaks?]

[Pause. Subject hiccups, then grunts in pain.] No, I was at the Quad Tower in Lanshiang, working. Getting ready for the attack there.

[Agent Inverness: And Simmons didn’t know this was coming?]

No, he was occupied with the whole treason plot. It allowed me to get all the pieces into position without him catching on. Do you need me to walk you through exactly all of the events in Tatchi? Like children? I have to warn you, with so many moving parts there will be holes even in my story-- don’t take it out on me.

[Agent Inverness: That won’t be necessary. We have BSAA communication logs that trace your location throughout the incident, up until your reported death. How did you do it?]

Survive? A magician never tells.

[Ms. Jacobs: Ms. Wong, the sooner you cooperate, the sooner you’ll get to eat. We’re almost done here.]

Fine. What’s for lunch? I’m famished.

[Ms. Jacobs: Answer the question.]

It’s simple, really. I’m sure Redfield and Nivans mentioned the helicopter on the scene. It was mine. I sent a signal, they dropped a body double, I swung away, they picked me up. Your boys didn’t even bother taking the elevator down to examine the body up close, which I was banking on. The BSAA isn’t known for being thorough. Always letting someone else clean up your messes- but I’m sure whoever cleaned up didn’t find a body, because the one I had dropped was infected. It tore a hole in the ship a few minutes later; easy destruction of evidence.

[Agent Inverness: So you just left after that?]

I’d been shot in the chest, I wasn’t fit to do much else without infecting myself, and I’m smarter than that. Simmons was infected, all my plans were in motion. The helicopter took me to a safehouse not far away, where I recovered briefly and then was moved to a different facility.

[Agent Inverness: Where was the safehouse?]

Ugh, really? It was a few miles outside Lanshiang, no one’s using it anymore. I’m sure you already found it. When’s lunch? You people have to actually feed me at some point if you want me to be useful, you know.

[Agent Inverness: Very well, Ms. Wong. Since you’ve been… mostly cooperative--]

I’ve been very nice. You have no idea how much meaner I could have been. In fact, I’m feeling more irritable by the minute and I think it’s because I need medical attention but you’re making me beg for water.

[Agent Inverness: Since you’ve been cooperative, then, I’ll ensure food and water are brought to your cell.]

What a gentleman. In that case, next time I’ll give you the locations of the remaining Neo-Umbrella research facilities. I think I’m free tomorrow if you want to make it soon. [Coughs.] I don’t like to be kept waiting.

Any last questions?

[Agent Inverness: We’re done for now.]

[Ms. Jacobs: Do you miss him?]

Simmons?

[Ms. Jacobs: Yes.]

Endlessly. It’s like he always said. I’m nothing without him.

[Agent Inverness: But… would you commit the attack in Tatchi again if you were able?]

[Pause.]

Without hesitation.

[End of transcript.]

Conclusion- SSA Randall Forster: This interview has raised a number of questions, but answered just as many. Based on those claims we have been able to authenticate with evidence, the story detailed here is the best understanding we have of “Wong”, Simmons, and their crimes. There appears to be absolutely no reason to reopen an investigation into Secret Service Agent Helena Harper, and in fact this interview offers insight into Simmons’ manipulative nature.

In the case of the subject herself, a full psychological profile will take significantly more time, and may wait until the DSO has been able to prove or disprove more of her statements and we have her complete history. Extracting her history before Simmons has become a secondary priority, particularly to find out where she got her training. This is proving extremely difficult; it seems to me that this comes from a deep-seated unwillingness to discuss her childhood rather than a petty attempt to impede investigation, so I believe more advanced interrogation practices will be necessary.

Sleep deprivation and mild starvation only seem to have made her irritable; her behavior indicates that she is trained and experienced with these conditions. However, she displayed a worrying level of volatility compared to reports of her attitude when she was brought in, and observers have reported that she displays erratic behavior in her cell. Having reviewed some of the surveillance tapes and her statements here, I believe not only that she experiences PTSD with psychotic features, but that solitary confinement is having an abnormally negative effect on whatever mental stability she has. This may be detrimental to the investigation.

Work with her is ongoing and will continue once she’s transported to a permanent facility. She has been given a pencil and paper to begin a list of GPS coordinates. In future interviews, agents should be wary of her ability to control conversations and manipulate others. Agent Inverness and Representative Jacobs both reported having somewhat sympathetic feelings toward the subject after this interview, despite the crimes she confessed.

#txt #long long long #ask to tag #also most of this is lies :)

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inyri · 6 years ago

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Equivalent Exchange (a SWTOR story): Chapter Thirty-five- Blackmail, White Lies

Equivalent Exchange by inyri

Fandom: Star Wars: The Old Republic

Characters: Female Imperial Agent (Cipher Nine)/Theron Shan

Rating: E (this chapter: M)

Summary: If one wishes to gain something, one must offer something of equal value. In spycraft, it’s easy. Applying it to a relationship is another matter entirely. F!Agent/Theron Shan. (Spoilers for Shadow of Revan and Knights of the Fallen Empire/Knights of the Eternal Throne.)

Comments are always appreciated! Visit me at:

Archive of Our Own

Fanfiction Dot Net

***

Blackmail, White Lies

Sleep is overrated.

They’d planned on a few hours’ rest between packing up and heading out to the shuttle- it wouldn’t be enough but they were used to running on fumes and triple-strength caf these days- but never quite managed it. The bath had gone cool when they finally left it and even then she’d barely closed her fingers around a towel before he’d lifted her up and carried her into the bedroom.

When the alarm went off they hadn’t slept at all, the pillow beneath her head a sodden mess from her hair and a few new bruises on both of their bodies, and they took a frantic few minutes for a quick application of kolto (more for her than for Theron- he never minded if she marked him so long as they were hidden, but she’s got to fight in an hour and her shoulder still aches, never mind her wrists and the side of her throat and her back where the edge of the bath-

Well.)

Kolto first. Then two stims, one in each thigh, and then her armor, her still-damp hair pulled back and pinned up as Theron shoves the rest of their belongings into their duffel bags. It doesn’t really matter what goes where since they’ll travel together back to Odessen, the two of them and Lana and Miot in the shuttle, and there isn’t anything in her bag that she minds if he sees. After Taris, after her seizure and how he’d had to clean her up afterward, her body holds few secrets from him; if his new trousers end up mixed in with her knickers she doubts very much that Theron would care.

As he tugs the zipper shut on his bag she gestures, catching his attention, and flips a stim toward him.

“Last one’s yours,” she says over the sudden sounds of grinding and hissing steam from the kitchen as the maintenance droid starts on the caf. Oh, she’d missed that droid. Too bad its protocols were program-locked to the apartment- that wretched Cee-Two unit would be on the scrap heap otherwise. “I think it’d be better if you’re awake to talk us through.”

Theron catches the stim one-handed and flips the cap back, injecting into his opposite arm. “That’d probably help, yeah. I-” he winces as the needle bites in- “I should have let you sleep-”

“If I’d wanted you to stop, I’d have pushed you off the bed.”

He grins and reaches for his jacket. “Hard to push me without your hands free.”

“You underestimate my ability to work around restraints.” Only her boots remain; she pulls one on, then the other. “Though if that’s what I get when you’re trying to get me to change my mind-”

“I know you won’t.” She’d meant it as a tease but they weren’t so far past it as that, apparently, and Theron’s voice turns suddenly serious. Nudging both bags toward the door, he slides down off the edge of the bed to check beneath it one last time. “And I know you’re right, Nine. I just- don’t tell me what happens. I don’t think I want to know.”

“How about this? I’ll only tell you if he won’t call off the mark.” She crouches down beside him as he settles back onto his heels, empty-handed. Turning to look at her, he mouths another silent apology and reaches for her collar to flip it up against her neck. “Because if that’s the case, we’re going to need a game plan assuming not everyone in SIS black ops is a complete incompetent.”

(They aren’t. She knows that well enough, fought and killed enough of them in the time before her years in carbonite to know precisely what they’re capable of. None of them stood a chance against her- it’s not a boast and she isn’t proud of it, all the blood on her hands- but the SIS had its knives in the dark, too.

And for Theron some of them would have been friends, once upon a time. He’s not naive and in the abstract he knows as well as her that old friendships don’t mean anything when orders come down, but a moment’s hesitation would be all it would take. He’d be-

He’d be-

It could happen in a thousand different ways. Before she can push Valkorion out of her thoughts, in the few seconds she needs to gather focus and put up her wall and ignore the voice saying useless girl, stupid girl, you can’t shut out what’s inside your head- he shows her twenty.)

She misses Theron’s reply beneath the whine that slips out of her mouth from between her clenched teeth, not quite choking back the noise because her head hurts, oh stars it hurts so badly and she keeps seeing him die, again and again and again, and that hurts so much more. He holds her face between his hands, his thumb wiping away the blood trickling from her nose just as she realizes that it’s there.

“Don’t tell me,” he says again, a whisper, his forehead resting against hers, rocking slowly back and forth with her until the pain recedes and she can hold onto him too. “I don’t think I want to know.”

Three quick knocks rattle against the bedroom door and they both look toward it when the handle turns. “Nine? Theron?” Lana calls out softly, her face a shadow in the space between door and frame. “We’ve got ten minutes. Are you almost ready to-”

When she sees them beside the bed Lana stops, lip twitching and eyes narrowed, and then pulls off her gloves. The armor plates clatter against the floor on impact but Lana’s already across the room beside them by the time the echo fades; she presses two fingers to the bridge of Nine’s nose.

“Valkorion?”

Theron nods. “I think so. We’re all packed up and then it just-” He shifts his hand but doesn’t let go of her as he adjusts around Lana.

“I’m fine.” It would probably have sounded more convincing if she didn’t have to hang on to Theron to keep herself upright, if her hands weren’t trembling, if she hadn’t had to swallow between words to clear the blood from her throat. “Another damned nosebleed, that’s all.”

“Did anyone ever tell you-” Lana’s hand is warm against her face, energy prickling against her skin. Is that what the Force would feel like all the time, she wonders, if she wasn’t blind to it?- “that you’re an awful liar?”

She closes her eyes. “No. Never.”

***

They descend, one leftward bend after another- even Zakuul’s architecture ran contrary to the Empire’s- in a layout they know by heart now. All the Star Fortresses are the same, built to template just like the machine-made soldiers they contain. It makes it too easy to be lulled into complacency.

They run into the first of the cloaked skytroopers on the fourth level down and she can see how Lana missed it last night. The Zakuulan stealth tech’s strange, too, shimmering mirage-like at the margins; in the heat around the shield generator it would have looked like thermal bleed. When she points Lana’s on the scout like a hunting nexu, springing from their hiding place with lightsaber blazing, and takes the thing’s head off at the shoulders before its shield even drops.

“Much better,” Lana growls as the skytrooper falls. Its companions advance and her rifle shot takes the second through the chest as a neatly aimed lightning bolt knocks the third over the railing and down into the energy core below. “If I’d seen it yesterday-”

She clicks her tongue in disagreement and crouches down besides its head, reaching in around the sparking wires. “Don’t second-guess. You did well, and this thing’s-” she closes her fingers around an oblong metal piece she doesn’t remember from their previous skytrooper dissections; that must be the stealth module- “fucking weird. You saw it this time, though?”

“Yes.” Lana picks off a fourth and fifth droid with a wave of her hand, sending them flying. “But-”

The piece comes free when she yanks. She shoves it into a pouch for later study, hiding the subtle tremor creeping into her hand- too many fucking stims again. She should know better. “We’ll take this back to the lab and let Oggurobb poke over it. But I need you on your game right now. Yesterday was difficult for all of us and we’ll talk about it later, but after this morning I-”

With a sigh, Lana reaches up to mute her earpiece. “Yes, I’d noticed. What were you two arguing about last night?”

The last wave of skytroopers clears the corner of the ramp and she almost misses her first shot, pulling wide before she can rein herself back in. Their conversations hadn’t been anywhere close to loud enough to be overheard, not with Lana in the far bedroom when they’d come in, which only means-

She switches her comm to receive-only. Theron’s been quiet on the channel- with no complications to speak of so he hasn’t had to talk them through beyond slicing the security system and the turrets- and she doesn’t think he’ll notice if she goes silent for a minute or two. “Lana, I didn’t think I needed to ask you to stay out of my head.”

“I wasn’t- I wouldn’t. You should know me better than that. You just-” Lana frowns. A maintenance tech’s half-hidden at the back of the pack, tucked in behind a crate; fist clenched, she lifts the woman into the air and throws her hard down the ramp until her body thuds against the durasteel wall and goes limp. “I can’t explain it in a way you’d understand, but you both feel very loudly. Theron especially.”

“And volume somehow implies permission to eavesdrop?” They need to keep moving. Every minute they linger here’s another minute that the shuttle’s vulnerable and so they keep pushing on and down past the droids and the now-still technician, down one last empty corridor until the final door glows golden and she can feel the Sun Generator beyond, searing heat licking at her face.

Lana stops a few paces behind her, turning back to check again for any stragglers on their tail, then clips her saber to her belt. “Of course not. I only thought that you might want to talk about it. I seem to recall you saying something once along the lines of it’s better to have it all out in the open.”

“And how is Koth, then?”

Eyes narrowed, teeth gritted, Lana just looks at her, then sighs and wipes her face with the tail of her scarf. “You didn’t sleep, did you?”

“Did you listen in on all that, too? No, I didn’t, but I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. And don’t be vulgar- you just like to pick fights,” Lana mutters, “when you’re tired.”

“I do not. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Over the roar of the miniature star, she can just barely hear a single, very irritated snort.

“All right.” Lana’s right, of course. That was never one of her more admirable traits- after two straight caf-fueled days of data analysis on Rishi she’d once threatened to shave stripes into Jakarro’s fur after he criticised her decryption technique. In fairness, he’d also been right. His shortcut would have saved her an hour, at least. Theron had still offered to help her hold him down. “Maybe I do. But that has nothing to do with anything.”

Stepping forward to draw back even with her, just at the edge of the platform, Lana rests one hand on her shoulder- a gentle gesture on its surface but her armored glove is heavy, her grip firm and her voice half concern and half warning. “Let me finish.”

(She forgets sometimes what hides beneath Lana’s calm, seeing it as a bright-polished mirror, smooth and shatterproof, instead of what it really is: a pool, dark and deep as a Kaasi lake and hiding just as many deadly things beneath its surface. Challenging a Sith is never wise. She learned that lesson long ago, and while she knows Lana wouldn’t dare bring her to heel with that particular chain-

Void knows there must be times where she’s tempted.)

“If it gives Valkorion more ways to hurt you it has everything to do with everything.” Lana looks across to the far side of the chamber, head tilted. The Exarch must be coming. “All I meant to say was that it’s hard for me to filter things when I’m meditating. When I leave myself open to the Force, sometimes-” She holds up her other hand before Nine can even start to protest. “Yes, I know you can’t sense it, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t present in it.”

She nods slowly. “And we were... feeling loudly. In the Force.”

“Screaming at each other, metaphysically speaking. Enough that I almost got up to check on you two before I realized you’d, ah-” Lana clears her throat- “apparently sorted things out. What happened last night after Kaliyo and I left the meeting-place?”

That’s-

She wipes the beading sweat from her forehead, considering. That question goes far too deep to even begin to answer without Theron as a part of the conversation. After a long night’s discussion after he’d fled Coruscant they’d agreed on an abridged version of events that left Jace’s name out entirely; he hadn’t been ready for that to come to light, not yet- he couldn’t go back to Coruscant for the foreseeable future and the inner circle needed to know that, if only for operation planning. But what his father had said was a wound that hadn’t healed, then or now, and Theron wasn’t ready to bare it to the world.

She understood that, of course. She understood that far better than even he knows.

So they’d lied. It was a small lie compared to thousands of others she’s told over the span of her career. An inconsequential lie. An omission, really, hurting no one.

They were going to have to tell Lana eventually. Whether Trant backs down or not, it’s going to burn every bridge they might have had to the SIS except maybe for Jonas if they’re lucky; if he won’t back down it might mean war.

(Trant will cave. He has to. The SIS hasn’t got the manpower for a war of attrition any more than the Alliance does.

Do they? Void, she hopes not. If he thinks she’s bluffing it might kill them all.)

They were going to have to tell Lana eventually.

She takes a deep breath. In that moment the Exarch’s personal guard. for once a welcome distraction, burst through the door of the nearest monitoring chamber, and she opens her transmitter back up. “Here they come. Let’s move.”

“Nine, please-”

She raises the grapple and lets it fly.

“There you are,” Theron says over the channel as she hits the ground on the far side of the gap. “I was just about to check the channel. You both went quiet for a minute there.”

She draws her rifle as Lana arcs through the air behind her. “You didn’t miss anything, don’t worry. Starting generator overload now.”

***

Ten minutes later the Exarch staggers on the edge of the high platform, dropping to one knee. She levels for the killshot, lines it up-

The gash along his upper chest stops bleeding, ragged flesh beneath armor sliced away by Lana’s ferocious attacks suddenly knitting itself back together before her eyes. Zakuulans don’t use Force healing, she’d thought; Senya had said as much on the Gravestone. None of the other Exarchs she’d fought ever had. But this one stands back up, grip tightening around the handle of his lightsaber, and throws half a shattered console straight at her with a wave of one hand.

Shit, shit, shit-

She ought to have dodged. Instead she steadies herself and takes the shot; it glances off his blade and ricochets to one side, shattering one of the glass panels ringing the platform. With the radiation already at dangerous levels the heat’s unbearable with the shielding gone and she’s got to move but she can’t go left and she can’t go back and so she tries to roll beneath the console before it hits her.

Ducking down, diving forward, she fires off one more round. It hits the Exarch in the throat, in the gap between helmet and chestplate, and he falls like a stone to the floor and all the floating debris around them falls too, straight down out of the air. Lana, somewhere behind her, shouts a warning she halfway hears as a gust of wind rushes past her, carrying most of the metal scrap and shards of glass away-

Most.

The console must have been too heavy- it half-spins but keeps falling and with her rifle still in hand and her momentum carrying her forward she can’t adjust her own trajectory fast enough to avoid it completely. It plummets down toward the platform and slams into the back of her head, knocking her off-balance and pinning her left arm flat against the floor, its base coming down just where her bracer meets her glove.

She screams as she feels her wrist shatter.

She can’t get free. Rolling onto her side awkwardly, she pushes at the machine with her other hand but it doesn’t budge- maybe if she curls up tighter she can get both feet on it, kick it free- no. That means she’d need to turn her arm and she can’t- oh, it hurts-

Her vision swims.

“Nine? Nine, what- Lana, is she okay?” Theron’s voice goes up half an octave. “The core’s destabilized. I don’t think I can-”

As Theron keeps talking Lana’s running from the far side of the platform, footsteps ringing on the metal floor. She skids to a stop beside her, dropping to her knees, hand on her forehead keeping her still. “I know,” Lana says. “I know. I’ve got her.”

“I want to hear it from her. Nine, talk to me.”

She sinks her teeth hard into her lower lip, redirecting the pain somewhere she can manage it. “I’m fine.” It probably sounds about as convincing as it did this morning, she thinks. Possibly less. “Broken wrist. I just-” motherfuck- “get it off of me, damn it-”

“Lana-”

“I know,” Lana snarls, reaching across to the pouch on her belt that holds the autoinjectors. She pulls one free, snaps the cap back. “Painkiller first. Don’t move.”

“Not-” one hand on her forehead again, turning her face away and exposing her throat and then the needle sinks home with a soft hiss that mimics the noise she makes. This, at least, is a familiar kind of pain- “funny.”

And then Lana stands again and she could swear in that moment the whole platform gets ten degrees colder when, with her gesture, the console lifts three meters into the air and launches itself straight into the molten core of the ever-enlarging Sun Generator. The blood flows back into her fingers. The world blurs, red-tinged agony at its edges, then restabilizes.

“Three minutes to shield collapse. Tell me you’re moving.”

She gets herself up to her knees, arm clutched against her chest, panting. “We’re moving. Tell me you’re-” one foot beneath her, then the other, as Lana bends over the fallen Exarch, ripping the seal from his belt- “at the extraction point.”

“Ramp down, engines running.” Is he pacing? Theron sounds as out of breath as she feels. “Should I call Nightshrike? If you need the medbay-”

“Let’s just start,” she says- Lana wraps her arm around her shoulders to keep her upright as they start toward the exit, a quiet reassurance with every step; I’ve got you, Lana murmurs, we’re nearly there, I’m sorry- “by getting out of here.”

***

She only half-remembers the rendezvous.

She remembers the cot on the shuttle, Lana unfastening her bracer and Theron ever so gently pulling off her glove as Miot pilots them away from the exploding orbital station and she tries very very hard not to scream. Her hand and wrist are swollen already- when the glove finally comes free her first three fingers are puffy, tips tingling- and he presses, careful, to check her pulses and makes a face and ah -

-she opens her eyes and turns her head and she’s sleepy, so sleepy, sedative dancing through her bloodstream and lulling her back into unconsciousness and Theron’s hand stroking her hair and Lana talking, somewhere she can’t see. She needs the medbay. Doctor Lokin thinks that by the time we get to Odessen it might-

-it’s okay, sweetheart, he says softly into her ear, here, and she reaches up to push the needle away because she’s slept too long and there’s too much to be done and she doesn’t want more drugs, she can handle a little pain and she must have said all of that out loud because Theron sighs and puts the syringe down-

-half an hour to Daalang, Miot calls back. Miss Djannis just sent the landing coordinates. It should be secure. She wants to laugh- no one ever called ‘liyo Miss - but it hurts to make noise-

-dizzy. Dizzy, dizzy, the shuttle spinning when she tries to stand and Theron picks her up, her good arm around his neck and the other in its sling, heavy in a makeshift splint. When the ramp opens the light hurts her eyes; she buries her face in his chest, whining, as they cross the clearing. What the fuck happened up there? Kaliyo snaps-

-the kolto fills her mouth, her throat, her lungs, and it always feels like drowning right up until the moment when she remembers to keep breathing. The scanner screen across the room’s still lit up like a Life Day tree, indicators flashing. Concussion. Distal radial fracture. Radioulnar ligament tear, partial. Median nerve- she blinks; she tries to fight the tank every time but it always wins- compression. Radial arte-

(-you’re going to say no, Watcher X says- or the illusion of Watcher X, too many damned people in her head nowadays and it’s gotten hard to keep track- his voice a prickle like electricity up the length of her spine and into her arm. So I am going to do this regardless. Thank me later.)

***

Nine breathes, spits out a mouthful of kolto, and then breathes again. As the tank drains down below her waist she wiggles her fingers experimentally. Her hand feels-

Good, actually.

Too good. She can’t have been in there more than a few hours but the throbbing ache’s gone out of her hand and her head, her wrist barely protesting when she flexes it. By Cipher standards she’d usually been lucky as injuries go; still. she’s no stranger to head injuries or broken bones and she knows how long her body takes to heal. If Watcher X did something- if Watcher X is capable of doing something-

The glass surround of the tank slides open and Lana uncurls from a chair tucked into the corner, a datapad sliding down into her lap from its balanced perch on her knees. “You look better. How are you feeling?”

“Better enough.” The display above the door reads half past ten, later than she’d thought, but- wait. “The chrono needs resyncing, though. It says it’s the twelfth.”

Lana glances down at her screen. “No, that’s right. On our current course we’ll reach Odessen on the fourteenth.”

“You’re serious?”

“I can’t exactly change the flow of time.”

She frowns. “You’re telling me you left me in the tank for-” it takes a moment to do the math, her brain slow to shake off the kolto, and she holds on carefully to the side of the tank to keep her balance- “three days? We can’t afford that kind of downtime. Whose brilliant idea was that?” A set of clean undergarments and neatly folded training clothes lay on the examination table just out of reach; she steps over the lip of the tank as Lana gets up abruptly and the datapad hits the ground.

“Everyone’s. We sent your scans on to Odessen and the consensus was-”

She pulls on her underwear and that’s what finally sets her wrist off so she gets them up the rest of the way one-handed, swearing, the waistband askew on her hips. “You realize Oggurobb’s not actually a medical doctor, correct? And since when does the Alliance consensus not include me?” The bra’s an impossibility. Pushing it aside after a half a minute’s fumbling, she slips the shirt over her head.

“The orders came from Doctor Lokin.” When her head clears the shirt Lana’s beside her, holding the trousers out ready for her to step into them. “Oggurobb agreed with him, but I’m well aware that he’s the only one of us you’ll actually listen to when it comes to your health.”

“And he told you to tank me for half a week.” Force help her, she needs to call Ioana back and get the Eclipse Squad files from SCORPIO and half a dozen other urgent messages she’d meant to reply to on the way back and- oh, what were they thinking?

“A full week, actually. The kolto needs changing, so you get a brief reprieve.”

The minute her trousers are on- she swats Lana away and does up the drawstring herself, badly- she starts toward the door to the main room. “Absolutely not. I’ve got work to do. I’ll spend a few hours in it tomorrow if I must, but-”

Lana’s faster than her, reflexes undulled, and ducks into the doorframe to bar her way with arms folded across her chest. “No. Theron and I- and Kaliyo, if necessary- can split your workload. This isn’t up for debate.”

“Get out of my way, Lana. I’m fine. Where’s Theron?”

When Lana frowns she can almost feel it, energy bleeding into the metal edging around the door like a primed shock trap, and she takes a step back out of reflex. “Theron is finally sleeping, and no,” Lana says again, “you aren’t fine. I couldn’t keep that thing from landing on you but I won’t sit by and risk you crippling yourself through sheer stubborn idiocy.”

She holds up her hand, moving her fingers- carefully, still, but they all move just as they ought to. Hardly crippled. “A bump on the head and a broken wrist? I’ve had worse. I’ll be in fighting trim in a week or two at most.”

“Your nerves were damaged. Crushed. Look at the report yourself if you won’t take my word for it-” Lana gestures toward the scanner, readout still scrolling across its screen in bold text- “but Lokin felt the safest course was to keep you in suspension as much as possible until he could examine you properly. If the bone moved too much-”

She reads the report through once and then again as Lana trails off into silence. It’s all there on the screen, yes, everything Lana said, but that’s- that can’t be right. That can’t possibly be right.

(Corellia had hurt. The bruises healed first. A few days after that the cuts and burns started to fade and, more slowly, the broken bones mended. Her nerves healed slowest of all, months of pain, months of tripping over her own feet and clumsy fumbling over her console even with their full arsenal of stims and infusions and therapies and nights lost to the oblivion of the kolto tank. Three days in kolto was about two days and twenty-three hours longer than she could spare. But looking at the report, following the scrolling words with a finger that should be numb and unmoving if she believes the words on the screen, she knows three days shouldn’t have been anywhere close to long enough.

That might have pleased her, once, as a limitation overcome. She might have believed the scan was wrong, once. Now she only wonders. She knows who- or what- is it a what, not quite alive?- and she thinks she knows how. But she is afraid to ask the price.)

She rests her forehead against the machine.

She should tell her. She should tell both of them.

“All right,” she says instead, turning to look at Lana. “All right. I’ll go back in the fucking tank on two conditions.”

Lana nods and takes a step toward her and then another, reaching out cautiously until her hand just brushes her shoulder. “No promises,” she murmurs, “but go ahead.”

“First, I need the secure holotable. It won’t take long-” she can see her already formulating an objection and so she tilts her head to one side, her cheek against the back of Lana’s hand in a silent reassurance. In the first days on Zakuul she used to to do that, in the days when she could barely speak from carbonite sickness. I’m okay, the gesture meant. Don’t worry about me- “but there are a few things too sensitive for ‘net messages that I can’t delegate.”

“And the second?”

“Put a pot of caf on before I go wake Theron.” She closes her eyes. “The three of us need to talk.”

***

The projection of SCORPIO blinks, inscrutable as always, when she asks for the Eclipse Squad recordings.

(Of course she still had them. She suspects that even the things she ordered SCORPIO to purge from memory entirely were still somewhere inside that metal shell.)

Of course, Commander. A subtle pause, a moment’s recalibration. Access code?

She rattles off the sequence, a jumble of letters and numbers long ago committed to memory.

Access granted. The droid’s eyes flash crimson, then back to yellow. Black level clearance. Additional verification required.

That’s a code she’ll never forget. “Black level clearance requested. Passcode-” she swallows hard, digs her nails into her palms and her wrist screams protest even in the splint Lana made her wear. She needs the kolto after all, it seems. “Passcode: onomatophobia.”

Clearance granted. Transferring files now.

***

"Don’t take this badly, darling,” Ioana Rist says, “but you look awful.”

She’s getting dizzy again. Pulling out one of the chairs ringing the conference table, she sits down carefully. “A few scratches. You know how Nar Shaddaa can be.”

“So that was you.” Io must have been getting ready for bed when she called, hair pulled back and a grey-brown layer of what looks like Alderaanian clay covering her face above the green silk of her robe. “I’d wondered. Those dreadful satellites do look rather better on fire, don’t they?”

“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Mm-hm.”

She leans forward, elbows on the table. “Apropos of nothing, you don’t happen to know of any poisons that interfere with healing, by any chance?” None of her usual ones had made a difference against that Exarch. If anyone would know, a Rist would, and Io knew her arsenal better than most.

“The usual sort of healing, or-” a wiggle of fingers, the old Intelligence shorthand for Sith shit- “something extra?”

She returns the gesture.

“Hm. The Tears, of course, but Mother’d murder me in my sleep if I let that one outside the House. I’m sure I could cobble something together that’d do in a pinch." The clay mask cracks across her forehead as Io considers. “You’ve got a chemist?”

“Some of my old team.”

“I’ll experiment tomorrow and see what I can come up with. We caught a Zakuulan patrol on the grounds last week, so I might even have a test subject or two.”

Now that’s a lovely thought. (Theron would have frowned, would shake his head in disapproval, but Theron is a better person than she is.) “I’d appreciate it. But back to why I called- you said you had news for me?”

“I do. As it turns out, that estate isn’t technically Rist property any longer.”

She sighs. Of course it isn’t- that would have been far too easy, wouldn’t it? If it fell to the Ulgos, or- Void, not the Organas, that’ll never work in a thousand years-

“If you’d let me finish, you grump-” Io rolls her eyes and the mask cracks a little more- “I was about to explain. It used to belong to Mother’s second cousin Asenath. She and her husband died during a family squabble and everything went to their children, but then they both died as well. I only half-remember the story. I was just a schoolgirl then.”

“But wouldn’t it default back to the main House in that case?”

“Not quite. Her daughter’d married an Imperial and unlike dear cousin Asenath, she kept her paperwork tidy. Every last credit, the house in town and the entire hilltop estate ended up with her widower.” She’s scrolling through a datapad now, looking through a file as she keeps talking. “I don’t know him well- he was a liaison to Imperial Intelligence but our paths rarely crossed during my contract time, and he only comes to family parties once or twice a year. But he’s-”

(She hadn’t known about the hilltop house.

But she knew the rest of it. He’d told her, two months in, when she’d finally been bold enough to ask how he managed it- the parties, the apartment, the pretty trinkets he’d give her to keep when she’d done especially well, all the trappings of keeping up the carefully crafted front he hid behind- on a military pension and an Intelligence stipend. She’d half-expected him to say he was skimming off the discretionary fund.

My wife, he’d said. All the money was hers.)

It might have been easier, she thinks, if it had been the Ulgos after all. “Ruana. Major Galen Ruana. His wife’s name was Amalia.”

Io blinks. “It’s Colonel Ruana, now- do you know him? I didn’t realize you worked with military intelligence, Cipher. That never seemed quite your style.”

“It wasn’t.” It wasn’t his, either, but that’s a secret she swore long ago she’d keep. “He was my patron during my last year of training.”

One eyebrow raised, another subtle crack in the clay. “He… oh. Well, then. You shouldn’t have too difficult a time asking for a favor, hm?” The subtext lingers past the words; everyone all knew what patron had meant in those days: favor bought, favor sold. Suddenly a chime sounds in the background and, shaking her head, Io stands. “I’ve got to go, darling, or this mask’s going to take my skin off with it. Promise me you’ll visit when you come to Alderaan.”

“Cross my heart. I owe you brandy, don’t I, since it seems I’ll be headed to Dromund Kaas in any case.” She forces a smile, tone light, but- that’s going to be a problem. The whole damned thing’s going to be a problem.

“Excellent memory as always, but you didn’t let me finish earlier. The Rist Gala’s next month- perfect for business deals and he’s already marked as attending. I’ll furnish the invitations. Just bring your party dress -” Io winks- “and my brandy, and I’ll get working on your poison project in the morning. Talk soon?”

“Talk soon.”

The projection fades; she rests her head in her hands. There must be something he’d want. Something besides-

Two knocks on the War Room door.

Theron. Lana always knocks three times.

“Come in.” She doesn’t look up at the sound of the door sliding open and he slips in behind her chair, arms wrapping close around her shoulders and his face nuzzled into the side of her neck.

“You should be resting,” Theron says. “Your scans-”

She sighs. “I know. I will.”

“This doesn’t look like resting.”

“I had work to do.” She turns her head to kiss his temple. “You should be resting, too. Lana said you were sleeping.”

“I tried.” He holds her tighter. “I kept hearing you calling out. I mean- rationally I know you were in kolto, but- hold on. Tell me you didn’t already-”

Shaking her head seems unwise, as likely to make her dizzy again as to get her point across, so she stays still instead. “No. There are a few contingencies we need to put into place beforehand, but if I’m going back into the tank I need you and Lana to help me with that. And that means Lana needs to know what’s going on, and that means-”

“We need to talk about Coruscant.”

“Yes.”

#inyri writes #equivalent exchange #swtor fanfiction #imperial agent #nine #nine/theron #lana beniko #subtitle: we're all having a bad month

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melissagt · 6 years ago

Note

I love ask many questions. Hehe. Good luck! Okay, there was too many, so choose wich one you want to answer please! ~ (all is a good answer too! :p) // for Raz: 3, 5, 7(because I know she is in a complicated situation before Kotfe), 8, 12 (bonus 13!), 15, 24 (and 21?) // Kira: (12 and 13 bonus!), 5, 23, 25, 27, 30 -it's very important. // Lelu: 13, 15, 18, 26, 28, 30, 33, 35 ~

Raz -

3 - Do they fit in with their faction or were they sort of born into it? Hooboy…Raz does not fit in. As a youngling, she was proud to join the great Jedi Order. She became fast friends with an equally young Theron Shan. More like they were inseparable. But, her faith was shaken when she saw him abandoned like so much trash, all because he couldn’t move something with his mind. They remained close friends, however, and she had a front-row seat to the damage The Order (as well as Satele and Ngani Zho) wrought. It started there…and just kept on going, right up to her own capture and eventual return. She learned the hard way that the Jedi Order does not care about its people, only its image.

Politically, she agrees with the ideals of the Republic and what it’s supposed to stand for, but she has seen the corruption firsthand, and has learned that once you scratch past the surface, the Republic is no better than the Empire. The only difference is that the Empire doesn’t try to hide it. That being said, she is loyal to her faction to a point. She’s more loyal to certain people in it rather than the entity as a whole. However, it was an easy decision for her to leave it behind for the Alliance, made even easier with Theron’s promise to help her find a cure for Scourge.

5 - What planet do they now call home? Either where their stronghold is or where you headcanon they live at. I suppose it depends on what timeframe we’re referencing, but Raz does become a core member of the Alliance, and sits on the impromptu Council formed by the Commander. I would say her home is Odessen, for now. It remains to be seen where they will all go should Odessen fall. She stands by the Commander’s alliance with the Empire, and has spent time on Dromund Kaas in that capacity, something her husband, Scourge, enjoys.

7 - Are they loyal to their faction? Between the answers above, I think that’s pretty much explained, haha. Scourge sums it up perfectly when he says that Raz is a Jedi with the heart of a Sith. Her place is in the Alliance, and the Alliance has chosen to ally with the Empire.

8 - How do they feel about the opposite faction? Raz never seemed to fear the idea of Sithy Bogey-Men, something her teachers never felt comfortable with. She was fascinated by the idea of learning about different ways to view the force, something she’d always questioned herself. And upon becoming a Knight, she met perfectly reasonable Sith…Sith who were nothing like what they were ‘supposed’ to be. Eventually her curiosity became respect. The Sith were equals…different…not to be hated or feared.

12 - Be honest, how many outfit tabs do they have? I think Raz might have five or six?

13 - Let’s see those outfits! Haha, throughout most of the class story, Raz rocked this one -

But now she and Scourge rock matching Iokath sets -

15 - Who is/are their least favorite companion(s)? Rusk…he seriously needs to pull that stick out of his bum bum.

24 - If they could be part of another group, what would it be? You can choice from Old Republic, Expanded Universe, or Cinematic Universe. Honestly, I think she’s very happy with the Alliance. She finally found a home where she’s not looked down upon, or treated with open disdain and aggression just for thinking differently. She can be herself. She has her sister. She has her best friend. She has her husband. And she gets to work with other like-minded force users. Nah, she’s not going anywhere, lol.

21 - Would they continue their legacy by having children? Adopt? Get an apprentice? I don’t think Raz is interested in having an apprentice (I HC that Kira Carsen is not her apprentice - that’s another one of my Knights). I mean, we could consider Theron a child, so there’s that adoption. I’m not sure children are in her future, but I think she and Scourge would make excellent parents if that were to come to pass and their biology clicked. I think it would be hilarious to give Scourge a force-blind daughter. *whistles innocently* (I have so many oc’s in the same universe that someone is bound to have offspring somewhere at some point…I just don’t know who.)

Kira -

12 - Be honest, how many outfit tabs do they have? I think she might only have a few.

13 - Let’s see those outfits! Right now she’s using the Battle-Hardened Apprentice set (I think that’s what it’s called).

There’s really nothing that I’ve been able to find in-game that fits either Raz or Kira’s style. This render is pretty much how I’ve always envisioned them in terms of what they would wear for day-to-day exploration -

5 - What planet do they now call home? Either where their stronghold is or where you headcanon they live at. Kira is comfortable on Odessen, but I think her true home will always be Dromund Kaas. The culture. The opera. The military. She is a Sith’s Sith.

23 - Do they like their role in their current situation? ei: if they are a Sith do they like being in the Sith order? Kira loves being a Sith, is proud of it, and makes sure everybody knows it. She truly believes in the meritocracy and the concept of Survival of the Fittest. Though she chose to involve herself with the core founding of the Alliance, she is still Sith at heart, and will always be. I think if it wasn’t for Lelu, meaning if the Outlander were anybody else, she would have stayed with the Empire. I’m sure she’ll be very happy to return.

25 - Do they have any deep dark secrets? I don’t know if it’s a big, bad secret, lol…but Kira has a weird phobia about getting blood in her mouth. It’s just odd considering her occupation. Seriously, it’s to the point where Pierce carries wet naps around in his kit so she can clean herself up as soon as possible if anything does get in the vicinity.

There is a factoid? that she and Raz share…it’s not so much a secret because a few people do know…but it’s not like they advertise it…daddy. Yeah, you guys will find out who their father is.

27 - Do they have any regrets? Everything and anything about a certain man by the name of Malavai Quinn. Part of her will always love him…but she just…can’t. (Please note that this in no way diminishes her feelings for Pierce.)

30 - Do they like to boogie? Do they dance to that good old cantina band? Kira does enjoy a good, laid-back dirty dance now and again, especially because that’s what Pierce enjoys…but in her heart, she’s more into formal stuff. Evening gowns and snobbery. Blow things up on the battlefield by day…Sith opera by night.

Lelu -

13 - Let’s see those outfits! Lelu also rocks the Iokath rep gear.

But throughout the class story, she kept the base Inquisitor gear…because it is very nice.

15 - Who is/are their least favorite companion(s)? Lelu really gets on with all of the Inquisitor crew. I don’t count Xalek because he’s there so late and there’s so little development. Out of the Alliance cast I’d have to say…hmmm…Kaliyo. She’s a liar. She’s unpredictable. She’s a loose cannon. And she looks at Theron like a piece of meat. Lelu only keeps her around because she is useful in certain situations, and isn’t afraid of getting the job done by whatever means necessary.

18 - Who is their BFF? Kira took Lelu under her wing when they were both on Korriban. I’m not sure why - they couldn’t have been more different, but without her help, Lelu probably wouldn’t have made it. They lost touch after Kira took apprenticeship with Baras, but after Yavin Four they were able to pick up their friendship where it left off.

26 - Do they have any vices? Other than typical Sith Stuff such as lack of empathy and selfishness? Rough sex in general and lots of it (spanking, choking, biting). Swearing. Chocolate. Violence. Jealousy. Greed. Sith. Sith. Sith? :P

28 - Have they done anything embarrassing? Does tumbling out of an elevator door into a crumpled pile of sex count? She’ll never let Nik forget that…not that he’d want to.

30 - Do they like to boogie? Do they dance to that good old cantina band? Lelu loves to dance…the seedier the location, the better.

33 - In KotFE which companion(s) from another class are you most looking forward to them recruiting? ScourgeScourgeScourgeScourge :)

35 - In KotFE what is their relationship with Valkorion? Lelu hates Valkorion. HATES. She knew what he was about from the moment he popped in there. It was a never a mystery as to his ultimate goal, and the more he tried to feign at playing nice, the more it infuriated her. He literally has -the- Perfect Vessel in terms of the Sith Inquisitor. A Force Walker. A body built to withstand it. And an ancient Sith Lord already in-house to use as fuel. That being said, she’s also the best possible candidate to deal with his ass. Not to mention what he did to Theron on Ziost. She was able to deal with it after everything she’d already been through…but Theron…

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bbclesmis · 6 years ago

Text

Wordsworth: Les Misérables

Sally Minogue looks at Victor Hugo’s novel and Andrew Davies’ adaptation for BBC Television

Let me start by saying: this was a magnificent adaptation. Week by week we viewers turned up, battered and bruised by the previous episode, battling the sheer act of turning on the television in order to watch some fresh hardship, wretchedness, physical horror or malign turn of fate. And this was exactly as it should be. Hugo’s novel is relentless in its examination of poverty and destitution, but even more so of the way the inequities of the world throw some a hand so hard that they never recover from it. The standard backdrop of this series, as of Hugo’s novel, was one of ineluctable, grinding distress, born of nothing other than the chance of birth. We may all at one time or another lead lives of quiet desperation; but these were lives of noisy, unremitting, vicious desperation. Not for nothing does the title Les Misérables remain untranslatable.

Against this given, this inherent malign social inequity, Hugo sets a massive struggle between two flawed characters. Perhaps they represent forces or ideologies, but it doesn’t seem so in the way that Hugo plays out their intertwined fates. Rather, they are complicated human beings who happen to cross swords. Jean Valjean’s life is marked and marred forever by his act of stealing a loaf of bread. For that, the weighty forces of state and law come down on him, and pursue him almost to the end of the novel. His nemesis, Inspector Javert, is likewise marked by his obsession with Valjean, and with an extreme and rigid form of justice. This adaptation had at its heart the struggle between Valjean – a brilliant Dominic West – and Javert, the brooding David Oyelowo. The one quibble I’d have here is that Valjean was the dominant partner, televisually and dramatically, in this struggle. Maybe that’s the case in the novel as well. Javert’s quest is all on one note, while Valjean oscillates between his past and, as he sees them, inextinguishable wrongs, and his constant attempts to expiate them. When Javert finally admits Valjean’s ‘goodness’, he also admits the defeat of his own moral system. It’s his one moment of complexity, and Hugo gives it full weight in Book Four of Part Five of this massively sprawling novel. Book Four is devoted entirely to Javert’s change of heart and his attempt to make sense of it. Here he comes face to face with himself in a moment of genuine existential uncertainty, quite different from the highly dramatised interplay of action and introspection characteristic of the novel. ‘What had become of him? He searched and could not find himself. ... Destiny comes, at certain points, to a sheer drop above the impossible, beyond which life is nothing but a precipice. Javert had come to one of those sheer drops.’ It’s not the fault of the actor that it was difficult to bring this existential drama to life. The sheer drop of the inner being could only be translated on television by his allowing himself to fall into the Seine.

Dominic West was given more to work with as Valjean struggled continually with his past sins (helped by the ever-present props of the candlesticks bequeathed by his benefactor, the Bishop of Digne, who set him off on the road to goodness). But it must be said too that West was remarkable in the way he revealed the complex inner workings of his mind, heart and conscience (given full play and articulation, and at length, in the novel), with only his own face and body as vehicle for those.

And then there’s the rest! Waterloo. Buonaparte. Aristocracy versus Republic. God. The nature of morality. Revolution. Love. Motherhood. Fatherhood. Brotherhood. Sacrifice. And none of these are treated simply. There is disruption and irony at every stage of the novel. Fantine, trying to be a good mother, fails her child yet remains a good mother. Valjean makes the best father a non-father could ever be. Marius makes himself a good son having been a bad one. Thenardier is a despicable saviour. None of the revolutionaries is heroic, while the street gamin, Gavroche, dies a hero’s death. And no-one knows the effect of the legacy they leave, whether good or bad; only through the play of time do earlier actions show their full effects. In such a long novel, we are privileged to see that earlier distresses can carry beneficent effects, but in the interplay there is much unhappiness, some of it final and unredeemed.

It’s entirely fitting that the major and final scenes of the novel, as of the adaptation, are played out in the Paris sewers. For a brilliant exposition and analysis of the relationship between dung and gold, equal to that of Engels in his description of Manchester in The Condition of the Working Class in England, see Book Two of Part Five of the novel. Here we are brought right back to the degradation which is Hugo’s real subject. As the flawed Valjean rescues the man he’d most like to see dead, by dragging him, literally, through the fluid shit of the sewers, we see the human struggle played out before us – not so much for goodness, just for survival. (Surely these chapters must have influenced Andrzej Wajda’s great film Kanal?) And at the end, keeping the gate, is the vile Thenardier, an inverse Charon, taking his tax from the outgoing bodies, freeing them from the Styx.

As Valjean and Marius stagger out into the fresh air, it’s a sort of redemption, though in the full knowledge of all that has gone before. None is free from blame, except perhaps Cosette who can go forward with Marius to make a new world. But we know the depth of the old world that lies behind them, as we know the sewer that runs below Paris. Hugo never lets us off from that for an instant. Nor does this adaptation, which has been tremendously brave in testing the viewer to the limit. This wasn’t your standard Sunday night period drama. It brought us full face to horror, inflicted sometimes carelessly, sometimes carefully, by human on human – les misérables. It brought us love and redemption too, but only by the skin of its teeth. It was a play for today.

Les Misérables is available from Wordsworth Editions in two volumes. The BBC adaptation is now available on BBC iPlayer. Friedrich Engels' The Condition of the Working Class in England in 1844 is included in the Wordsworth edition of The Communist Manifesto.

http://wordsworth-editions.co.uk/blog/les-miserables-review

#les mis bbc #bbc les mis #reviews #articles #wordsworth

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brokenedgeben · 6 years ago

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Remember when I said I had more to say? You’re getting it.

A.k.a. my Sion/Exile vs. Reylo meta that I’ve been sitting on for quite a while now. Fair warning, this may start a rumble, but I have to get this out of my system.

Call it one of those moments when I realized that I am not against hero/villain pairings by default. I mean, my Darkpilot shipping aside, one of my favorite pairings when I was in the Knights of the Old Republic fandom was Darth Sion and the Jedi Exile (unfortunately only available if you play the female path. I’m guessing Chris Avellone didn’t want any Unfortunate Implications, to quote TV Tropes...?). Why does Sion/Exile work for me, and Reylo does not (besides my love of FinnRey and Darkpilot)?

Let’s look at the evidence.

For a bit of backstory, Knights of the Old Republic II follows a General of a fallen Jedi-turned-good-again (or bad again, depending on your choices), named simply the Jedi Exile (there’s one book that calls her Meetra Surik, but IMHO, she’s really the Exile in name only from what I heard), who has (SPOILERS) cut herself off from the Force after a traumatic event at the Battle of Malachor V. When she returns to Republic space, she, among other things, finds herself tracked by two Sith Lords intent on exterminating all Jedi everywhere. One’s a Sith Lord who feeds off the Force (it’s a long story). One’s Sion, who relies on his physical and mental anguish in order to survive things that would kill a normal person (including the explosion of a starship). As a result...well, he basically looks like this:

Yeah, that guy. This is when he’s confronting the Exile on Korriban (I know it’s Moraband in the new canon, but this is old canon). We’ll be going into that soon enough.

So, on the surface, SionExile and Reylo have similarities. Sion and Kylo even look somewhat alike.

Seriously, I don’t think it’s a stretch to think that they went to the same clothing designer. Difference is that Kylo’s not as seriously scarred, but I digress.

But in the end, there are definite differences in terms of how they’re executed. To begin with, Sion actually seems to care for the Exile, in a very twisted sense of the word. Kylo...if there’s any love in him for Rey, it would be a miracle.

First meetings

For Sion and the Exile, they actually have two first meetings. One is on the Republic ship the Harbinger, when the Exile (along with her two party members, Atton and Kreia -- Kreia being who Sion has a very complex relationship with. He hates her, yet also yearns for her approval, even though it’s clear that she loathes him. And at the same time, he wants to save the Exile -- at least the female Exile -- from suffering the same fate he did, whatever happened to him pre-game) is trying to get off the mining colony Peragus. Sion makes his entrance to the Exile at the end of a long dark hall on the ship (unfortunately, I can’t find a good screencap of it), while saying (at least in the Restored Content mod), “I came to warn you, Jedi; you know not the path you walk.”

Their second first meeting comes on Korriban. Sion’s treatment of the female Exile is quite a contrast to how Kylo treats Rey. While he is rather creepy in terms of describing himself as having studied the Exile extensively (up to knowing where she walked when she was in Exile, her battles in the Mandalorian Wars, and more), he’s surprisingly gentle with her.

For starters, in a video game, the voice acting is essential (along with animation, etc.) to convey emotions. In contrast to his angry Evil Cannot Comprehend Good treatment of a male Exile (Sion doesn’t understand why someone would turn away from power instead of embrace it), Sion is generally tender towards a female Exile in terms of how he speaks. His voice softens, and while there are instances where he seems genuinely confused as to why Kreia would sacrifice herself for the Exile either way, he shows sympathy for what she’s gone through (“You know what it means to be broken.”) and tries to warn her, again, about Kreia and what she’s capable of (”The one who travels with you will destroy you, as she did me. I can end it before it begins.”).

Now Sion, obviously, is not a destined partnership sort. Sion’s not even the character I mainly ship my female Exiles with (that would be Atton, God bless him). But it is noteworthy that even his facial expression seems to be softer in that screencap -- at least as soft as one can get considering the animation. Pretty decent animation for 2004, really. It’s also noteworthy that Sion’s voice goes a lot more tender when he says that line, almost like the Exile’s valuable to him. (We’ll get into that more later)

In addition, he has qualms about harming the Exile. After the Exile (temporarily) beats him in battle, he actually spares her, even ordering his assassins not to harm her. “She,” he says, “Has earned this. She and I will meet again.”

Even that shows more respect towards the Exile than Kylo shows towards Rey. The Exile may be his enemy, but he respects her for what she’s been able to accomplish (especially since, in both paths, he underestimates the Exile. The difference is that with a male Exile, Sion despises him, while with a female Exile, Sion begrudgingly respects what she’s capable of).

In contrast, Kylo’s meeting with Rey is much different. In her initial vision, Rey’s frightened of him:

He terrifies her in the forest of Takodana, blatantly:

There was quite a ruckus made over the fact that he carried her bridal style (and even that you would have to stretch quite a bit, considering that it reminded me more of how Michael Myers would carry a victim), but even then, the difference between bridal style and that is that you have to have consent from the carried (carry-ee? Who knows). Kylo didn’t have Rey’s consent when he carried her. He actively knocked her unconscious with the Force (it’s rather unclear, but he does wave his hand a little) in order to get what he wanted:

And lest we forget, he tortured her. “But brokenedgeben!” you may say. “You ship Darkpilot, and that’s way worse than Reylo!”

Yes, I ship Darkpilot. The difference is that Darkpilot shippers never try to romanticize Poe’s torture or minimize it like Reylos do with Rey (some have said that Kylo didn’t really torture her). We acknowledge that what Kylo did is a terrible thing and actually try to work with it. Sion obviously never tortured the Exile (ergo, not much to go on), so the best we can do is get into Kylo’s torture of Rey. I remember reading multiple fics that tried to excuse and rationalize Rey’s torture, including saying it was okay because he didn’t use a torture droid on her like he (apparently) did to Poe. But does it really make it better? Let’s really look at the evidence here. Aside from taking off his mask for Rey and trying to explain to her why she’s here, he isn’t really any better towards her than he was towards Poe. In fact, the only difference is that Rey beats him in the end. When he’s interrogating her, and getting into her personal space, she’s crying, closing her eyes, and turning her face away:

She doesn’t want it. It’s easy to understand why JJ Abrams would compare this scene to a sexual assault -- Kylo refuses to get out of her head and she has to force him out, and then there’s the gratuitous closeness of the two (again, without Rey’s consent, so even if Reylo did exist, it would be one-sided at most) during the torture scene.

Attitudes towards enemies

With Sion, it’s made abundantly clear that he does have compassion and respect towards the Exile, twisted as it is. That only becomes stronger as we get to Malachor V. Nihilus has been vanquished, but Sion and Kreia are still standing, and Sion is relegated to being Kreia’s servant again (after Kreia makes a point of Force Choking him). Now, Kylo had no qualms about bringing Rey to Snoke, and even watches idly as Rey’s tortured by Snoke:

When Rey’s tortured by Snoke, there’s no emotion on Kylo’s face. There’s very little emotion, actually. He does nothing to intervene until the last minute when he kills Snoke (and even Rian Johnson’s comments don’t necessarily suggest that he killed Snoke for Rey). Not to mention that he’s tortured Rey in the past, complete with very creepily getting into her space:

When Kreia and Sion discuss the Exile on Malachor, however, Sion immediately shows concern for her. He explicitly asks Kreia what she will do to the Exile, which Kreia mocks him for, even asking if he has feelings within that shell. (In contrast, aside from Snoke bringing up the idea of Kylo having compassion for Rey in the novelization -- very different from romantic love -- Kylo’s feelings for Rey are never acknowledged onscreen) Even when Kreia explains what she’ll do (which may have been a bluff, but Sion didn’t know that), Sion actually is furious -- he doesn’t show it explicitly, but the gesture he makes of helplessly clenching his fists says volumes, really.

When Rey tries to sway Kylo away from the path he’s going down (and keep in mind she’s crying all the while), Kylo shouts at her, and then, to twist the knife further, forces her to say that her parents were basically nobody and then says, “You have no place in this story. You come from nothing -- you’re nothing. But not to me.” Even the last part could arguably be called a form of emotional manipulation.

And keep in mind, Rey crying above? Kylo did this to her. All because she wanted to help him.

How does Sion handle the duel with the Exile? He explicitly says that he respects the Exile’s abilities -- twice, actually. “I cannot see as [Kreia] does, but I know that in time, you will surpass her power. But not here. Not [at Malachor].” And “You are strong. As strong as I had believed. But you cannot beat me. [Kreia] knows this.” Part of the last one is sheer denial of the fact that Kreia’s using him as a pawn in a very complicated game of dejarik, part of it is a belief that he’s saving the Exile by either having her leave the Academy or killing her himself. When the Exile tries to help him (albeit in a twisted way, considering that it actually does result in Sion’s death at the end), Sion doesn’t ridicule her. He doesn’t rub in the fact that she’s nothing. If anything, Sion’s words seem to be more of unhealthy twisted coping mechanisms literally trying to keep himself alive. His words are fundamentally turned against himself, while Kylo actively wants to (emotionally) break Rey into joining him.

Think about it. If Kylo really loved Rey, he would have appealed to her joining him by confessing he loved her. Not implying, but confessing. It still would have gotten the point across that Kylo is manipulative, but it would have been a major step up from basically humiliating her and putting her down to make himself feel better about the fact that Luke “chose” her over him (don’t believe me? The novelization explicitly says that Kylo’s jealous of Rey. So was Sion with the Exile, of course, but the waters do get muddied by the fact that he genuinely seems to care for her and worry for her in a twisted way).

First, Do No Harm

During their duel in the forest on Starkiller Base before Rey gets the upper hand, Kylo has no qualms about knocking Rey unconscious to focus on Finn first (it’s only after he severely burns Finn that Rey actually reenters the fight). Does he suggest her joining him? Yes, and in an arguably less derogatory way than he does in TLJ, as he doesn’t focus on her origins as much as her power and potential. That’s actually the catalyst for Rey being able to defeat him, and keep in mind, during her duel, she’s absolutely furious with him (and justifiably so):

(This was the best GIF I got of angry Rey, BTW)

After Rey fundamentally rejects him on the Supremacy, Kylo has no qualms about harming her. He even orders the Falcon blown out of the sky (though he doesn’t succeed or Rey would be dead) by his TIE fighters when Rey shows up to the battle. In contrast, while Sion doesn’t hold back in his duel against the Exile, he repeatedly urges her to surrender and leave Malachor because he sees it as better than what Kreia will inevitably do to her (in his eyes). Johnson could have chosen to have Kylo hesitate in firing on Rey for whatever reason (after all, he had it in the beginning with Kylo refusing to fire on his mother), but he didn’t. He chose to have Kylo treat Rey as any other opponent he hated.

The Confession

While Kylo never really confesses his feelings to Rey explicitly, some Reylo shippers have interpreted the “you have no place in this story” speech as a love confession simply because of Kylo’s “but not to me” at the end. The problem is that it doesn’t do anything to tie into Kylo’s character; it’s just awful. In contrast, Sion’s confession is...probably not going to win any awards for best confession ever, but it ties into his character organically and is unexpectedly poignant because it is basically Sion trying to comprehend feelings that aren’t simply the hate and anger that’s keeping him alive -- feelings that may literally kill him. Even the script directions for the dialogue (shown on this Wookieepedia page if you scroll to the bottom and look for the eleventh footnote) describe it as him trying to describe what love feels like to him. It’s part of his character and makes sense. It illuminates a part of his character. With Kylo, the “you come from nothing” speech could have been intended to serve a similar purpose, but what does it really reveal about him? Nothing, except him being a manipulative bastard. And Sion/Exile was never intended to be a destined partnership (those would fall to Atton/Exile and Disciple/Exile, respectively, for a female Exile. And possibly Visas/Exile and Handmaiden/Exile if you’re using a mod). It was all part of Sion’s character, not knowing what to do with his emotions that aren’t hate.

Even while he’s dying, he doesn’t lose his affection for the Exile. He even, while warning her about Kreia a final time, says, “Her weakness is you. As you were mine.” Coming from the literal embodiment of the Dark Side, that’s actually touching in a way.

A tale of two heroines

What also makes Sion and the Exile work is purely in a character-driven way -- Sion is a look into what the Exile could have become if she depended too much on the Force/fell to the Dark Side. (Nihilus is a more blatant parallel, but Sion definitely has his parallels too) The Exile keeps her character arc; she isn’t sacrificed identity-wise in order to try and save Sion. All throughout her encounters with Sion, she keeps her identity intact. And keep in mind, this was written in 2004.

In contrast, everything about Rey’s character in The Last Jedi is sacrificed to serve Kylo. She’s willing to put herself in danger on the off chance (and a really forced -- if you pardon the pun -- off chance that there may be good in him). Luke had a more familial version of it with Vader, but he kept his character arc of becoming a Jedi intact. Rey is sacrificed to serve another, her story of becoming a Jedi ultimately consumed by Kylo’s story. And this was in 2017. And called a “feminist” film. Calling it feminist is a genuine insult to feminism.

Does Rey get a chance to resolve her own conflicts? No. She’s relegated to resolving another’s conflict. When she confronts Snoke, it’s all about “Ben”, not resisting the Dark Side herself. Rey rarely gets a chance to have an identity of her own in TLJ until towards the end; it’s all about Kylo. But hey, what do I know? Obviously I hate things directed at women, despite being a woman myself.

Conclusion

When a hero/villain relationship keeps the heroine’s agency more in a game written in 2004 than a movie in 2017, we’ve got problems on our hands. Even saying that KOTOR II was a deconstruction is no excuse, as The Last Jedi was a deconstruction as well. (I’m probably going to stir up some controversy considering that apparently KOTOR II and TLJ are Friendly Fandoms, but TLJ doesn’t even hold a candle to KOTOR II) The difference is that one got it right, and the other got it wrong. One defied sexist tropes, one succumbed to it. One made the villain sympathetic and even redeemable through the relationship, the other did not.

So how would I have written Reylo? I wouldn’t have copied Sion/Exile word for word, but I’d take these lessons to heart:

-Emphasize the nature of Rey and Kylo as foils. Using Kylo as a foil for Rey would have arguably saved Rey’s character from becoming just a tool for Kylo, as she would have faced him in a way that was relevant to her becoming a Jedi in her own right. Even if you didn’t have her lose in the forest on Starkiller Base, she could be learning to resist the Dark Side, or at least struggling with it. You could even have her struggle with Luke’s teachings, at least in terms of what she’s learned.

-Cut the whole matter of Kylo ragging on Rey’s origins. It really does nothing except make him look like a pointless jerk.

-Have Kylo actually show he cares for Rey. There were countless opportunities. He could have hesitated to blow her out of the sky on Crait. He could have expressed sympathy towards her parentage (even though he has no idea what she’s gone through, at least he’d be trying). He could have openly used his caring for her in order to get her to join his side. (Think Bastila with Revan) He could have warned her what Snoke would do to her and that she shouldn’t have come (though that would have gotten in the way of his plan to turn her, so there is that. Mostly suggesting, of course).

-Build up to Rey actually caring for Kylo and wanting to save him. There was no transition to her sudden change of mind, not even a bit of foreshadowing. It makes me wonder if a scene got cut that never even made it into the deleted scenes.

-Completely change the “You come from nothing” scene. Instead of having Kylo use Rey’s parentage against her, have him promise her a future -- a better future, in his eyes, than what she’s got.

-Have Kylo try and warn her about Luke. It would have been a nice bit of foreshadowing for the fact that Luke’s not entirely the good guy.

-Make it unique to their characters. Make it part of their individual arcs (as I would argue that Sion got an arc despite not being a party member). Make it unique and striking, and you can likely get some gems from there.

In the end, Reylo could have been a lot more. Rey could have been a lot more. The fact that a game made in 2004 had better writing, character development, feminism, and emotion than a movie made in 2017 really does say volumes about how Star Wars has evolved -- and how it may go in the future.

#anti reylo #or at least as it's written #rey deserves better #tw: torture #how kotor 2 was ultimately better than tlj #2004 feminism vs 2017 feminism #2004 feminism wins #meta

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