#and BTW there is some truth in the competency mentality

[subconsciousmysteries]

Competency Triad

[roast ahead be warned]

a big part of Competency in enneagram terms is wanting to be recognized for your Competency. There's a reason the center of competency is 3, also the center of the Image Triad. and the other two Competency types (1 and 5) are connected to the Image Triad.

all individuals are competent in our own ways. Even retarded 479 arteests. but what really makes you an enneagram Competency Type is identifying with this competency and seeing it as a part of your ego, and therefore expecting other people to value it in you if they wish to connect with you. Feeling like "who even am I without my Competency? What else can I be seen for and loved for if not my unique skills and talents?" to the point where the notion that you can be someone without your Competency, is scary and anger-inducing.

Beneath every Competency Type is a sense that they are inherently less loveable and inherently less valuable than others, so they need to overcompensate with all of these skills. Believing in Competency is a way of levelling the playing field when you feel inferior.

even 5s, those mega introverts who claim they don't care about the world, are Competency types because they are trying to find something niche that they can emerge from the shadows with and use to force the world into caring (5 -> 8). 5s need to be seen for their Competency; they feel like if you don't value their Competency to the same extent they do, then you have rejected them as a person. lmao this is why you get 5 men who think its intimacy when they buy me with their money and get angry @ me for saying "I'd love you even if you were broke". these 5s don't see that they are not their money. their money / possessions is their Competency thing that they have confused with their ego. When I tell them that these things aren't so important to me, they feel personally rejected.

The idea of being loved simply for existing as a pretty angel who rolled out of bed being perfect for their beloved is the dream of Optimist types -- in fact, Optimist types won't settle for any less. and it is lowkey the dream of Reactive types too, shown by how Reactive types are always grumbling "the world is too cruel for a love like this to exist :(".

but it seems to make Competency types REEEEEEEEEEEE to hear that someone might love you for you, instead of loving you in this "you are the sum of your parts" way. It threatens them to be exposed to this reality because in their brains, "I AM MY WORK." this worldview that love can be earned with Competency, is a farce that exists to cover their underlying sense of being inherently less loveable than others. When you feel like you started at a fatal disadvantage, the idea that life is a game or a competition and you can earn your way to love, is comforting. And the idea that love is something inherent, either given or not given and no amount of Competency can change that, is very scary.

[imbecominggayer]

Writing Rant About OOC

I was never ever going to use Tumblr but that was before I became obsessed with AO3 and discovered I was an opinionated piece of shit. Basically, what is going to happen is I am going to say some controversial opinions about my "irrational" anger towards these cliche changes. Just remember this going forward:

If one of your favorite stories apply to this, just remember I am an insane person

I wouldn't hate these cliches as much if these "ooc" stories weren't all I have left to fuel my brain rot. I am a starving orphan.

FIRST AVENUE OF CHARACTER CHANGE: DISTILLING WITH TEARS

There are two common subtypes of "distilling with tears". There is the villainous one and the angst one.

Villainous One: "I am the absolutely evil of *insert story*. But don't judwe mwe :(. Yeah, maybe I abuse my henchmen but I alswo :( have a secret cwush on one of them (///-3-///) which makes this towally fine. Sure, I have twied to kill da heroes but it's okey bcs the hero was evil actually. BTW, I also have a suber duper sad backstory I copied and pasted from someone else :(

My problems with this is two-fold:

First of all, obviously bad backstories, crushes, and revenge doesn't justify being a dick. If it did my dad would still live with us ;0

Secondly, you love this character. With all of their glorious competency, queer-codedness, and wittiness. Why would you want to change all of that? Especially, to something so redudant and uninteresting?

Angsty One: I am a perfectly sane individual with some internal conflict. *gets bwonged on the head by ANGST*. HUH! Woe is me. Here is a hugely traumatic backstory which will never be explained in depth or given any grace: (___). I'm so broken and small. Hey! Remember how sexy I am?! I am just on the brink of a mental breakdown but don't worry! All I need is a hug (^u^)

My problem with this was something I could never fully articulate. Well, obviously there is the fact that not all depressed people have this hugely traumatic backstory of abuse and death to "justify" their "irrational" behavior. I have so many issues that will never have a clear origin story. I also hate the random sexualization of characters while they're in distress. I definitely hate how a character's struggles can only be taken seriously when it's amplified to such extremes and these extremes are treated with a pep talk and a romantic cuddle.

However, I finally discovered my true issue. Thank you Lana Del Rey for the assistance! I'm not like this. When I read angsty stories I am searching for something at least vaguely related to me. Obviously, I know that not every story is like mine but all I can do is approach stories with my perspective.

When I was forced into going to the crisis center for suicidal planning, I didn't feel broken or pathetic.

When I was anxiously carving at my skin, I was still walking around and participating in my classes normally.

When I thought in bed about death, I never felt weak.

I felt whole. I feel perfectly whole.

Maybe it's because I can't distinguish between "new me" vs "old me" but I just feel like "me". My depression isn't sobbing in this melodramatic fashion ; it's quiet and calm. When I have mental breakdowns I'm not a wet tissue paper, i'm dangerously angry and have had to mentally restrain myself from not abusing my cat. When I see stories like this all I can think is how if I someone wrote my story they wouldn't call it realistic enough or sympathetic enough when, to me, these stories aren't realistic. Then again, that's too much baggage to put onto a random fanfic story. Sowwy.

THIS ISN'T THE END. I HAVE MORE RANT MATERIAL IN THE FUTURE. I know that's dissapointing news but it's the truth. No one in my family will listen to my rants.

[justfor2am]

ONE LAST ASK .i cant sleep so i finally read the first ssk i sent tsht u answered and i want u to go in2 more depth w the songs n playlists n shit u mentioned in there .this is separate from the other music ask yea 👍 gn for real probs. btw its so sad that my parrot emoji used to be mostly red like whatever the coloring people draw grian w idk names of any birds but owls but they changed it

🦜

^ idk what kind of phone u have but i have android .before my ohone updated he was a lil red guy n now hes GREEN .i had this fucker in my old discord theme thank god i changed it before it changed for me bc this HURTS goddamn i want my red fuckign bird bsck

ok gn 4 rral the whiplash of my music going from stray kids to stevie nicks is enough to make me pass out (do not let my listing of artist names fool u i only know one stevie nicks song n its edge of seventeen .the skz song was sunshine tho Btw)

AOUGH what did they do to my parrot boy.....

i don't know any songs by stevie nicks so tbh you've got me beat either way LMAO OKIE so analysis time uhhhh lemme see the post

It's Never Enough by we are the dirt: this song is thematically about an individual with rapidly declining mental health, seeking out a gruesome end to escape the bottomless emotions associated with a terrible breakup. it's melodramatic, it's way over blown, it's delightfully obscene in its depictions of bodily gore, it's soooooooo scarian.

as far as a fic goes, i would want to lean heavily into the vex cannibalism aspect that's canon to scar, with the setting being third life. a rotted corpse walking around the living with red in his eyes and barely contained inhuman hunger roaring in his ears? held only at bay because of "he" whom is now indebted to that corpse? who pledges him his first life and watches scar fall into insanity and in the end, strikes him down himself, that love which was the only thing keeping scar alive, not enough to save him in the end? sounds like a good hurt/no comfort fic to me.

some lyrics that i think especially apply: "‘Cause if I can't taste your lips just let me taste blood and nothing else." "They'll be with me in life and death and after I take my final breath, they'll crawl in through my rotting flesh and eat away my skin." "He said “don’t trust your eyes they always lie they always lie, only trust what you feel” but I feel you in my dreams and you're next to me and you're never real."

now, actor au!

grian: Don't Assume What You Don't Know by Grace VanderWaal -a song about being blindsided by an industry that promised you riches and fame, only to be cast aside at best, taken advantage of at worst jealousy, jealousy by Olivia Rodrigo -a song about being jealous of people who aren't competing with you, nor are they trying to make you feel inferior, but letting yourself get carried away with self-inflicted negative emotions You Stupid Bitch by girl in red -lightly tsundere grian my beloved. this is what he wants to scream at scar, if only he could admit to himself that he actually cares about him beyond a superficial, physical level.

scar: SCOOP by Lil Nas X feat. Doja Cat -a song about constantly being one step ahead of a ruthless industry that is just waiting for you to fail. Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High by Arctic Monkeys -a part of grian and scar's relationship that i haven't been able to explore yet, but i definitely will be making space for. -in short, grian's deadset on the rules in their "arrangement", but scar's already in love with him. being told that their private meetings are primarily contingent on them hooking up, and nothing more, isn't exactly easy for scar to process. Boyfriend by Dove Cameron -the person he pretends to be: suave, charming, a smooth-talker. while scar is capable of being all those features, in truth he wants to be this person to grian only. he wants to sweep grian off his feet and be able to say that openly.

[devildom-drabbles]

Here's a request (not do feel obligated to do this at all if you don't want to :D)

Lucifer, Levi, Asmo, Satan react to:

MC (a smart student) getting an F on their test

And when they get questioned about it they say:

"... What are you going to do about it? Hang me up to the ceiling? Are you going to call me stupid, useless, idiot, scumbag, a disgrace to this family, an embarrassment? Are you going to punish me?"

And how ever they answer MC will continue

"Why or why not? I'm 'stupid' like Mammon now and now that I embarrassed and tainted diavolo's reputation, you will treat me the way you treat mammon because it's 'deserved' for my stupidity, right?"

"And then they turn away towards the door, "I hate you demon's who think it's ok to mentally/psychologically/emotionally abuse their brother. Their OWN brother! And yet can turn a blind eye for some human. Treat mammon better, the lot of you!!"

(I love you btw and would wanna platonic-ly marry you)

(Oh my, Anon. 😳  Let’s at least platonic-ly go out to dinner first.  Hehe, thank you for your sweet words.)  It was interesting to think about how these boys would react to MC getting angry at them about this. A bit of angst ahead, just to forewarn you all.  I hope I did this prompt justice.  Enjoy!

How would Lucifer, Leviathan, Asmodeus, and Satan react to MC criticizing how they treat Mammon?

As part of his weekly routine to assess his brothers’ and the human exchange student’s progress at RAD, Lucifer had just asked MC to come to his study to look at their most recent exam results.  He was relaxed since he expected to see only high marks from the academically skilled human, but that quickly changed when they handed him a paper with a failing grade written boldly at the top of it.  Considering this was a rarity, he wasn't upset, but he did want to know the reason behind it, his ever-stoic expression masking the twinge of worry he felt.  “Care to explain this?” he inquired.  Rather than an answer, he was met with MC’s sudden line of questioning, and his concern grew at the thought that something had happened to them recently to cause this unusual behavior.  He lowered his eyebrows as he calmly explained, “A punishment would only be necessary if you were neglecting your studies or chose not to put any effort in while taking the exam.  But I’ve seen what you’re capable of and all that you’ve accomplished since your arrival in the Devildom, so I have no reason to believe that this was intentional.”  The outburst that followed had shocked him even more than their low test score.  Was that really how MC viewed his relationship with Mammon?  After a moment of thought, he supposed that’s how it could be seen from an outsider’s perspective.

In truth, despite his frequent harsh words, he cared deeply for his younger brother who he could always rely on in serious situations and was competent in anything he set his mind to, and he’s felt this way since their days together in the Celestial Realm.  But Mammon was also a troublemaker who preferred to leap without thinking, take the easy way out of things, and would secretly sell others’ belongings just for a little extra cash, which, in Lucifer’s mind, made him deserving of the negative comments and punishments he received.  The intention wasn’t to abuse Mammon, but rather to make him aware of his detrimental choices and, ideally, deter him from repeating these kinds of actions.  But without saying any of this aloud before the human retreated from his study, how would MC ever know?  The Avatar of Pride rubbed his temple with a sigh, a new headache beginning to gnaw at him.  It’d be difficult, but he’d have to think of a way to explain this to MC, and if they were still upset with him afterward, then that was their decision.  Plus, there was still the matter of why they flunked their recent exam, so a conversation with them needed to happen sooner rather than later.  For now though, he needed to continue checking everyone else’s test scores, and lo and behold, it was Mammon’s turn.  The second-born was expecting a couple thousand lashing for his low grades shortly after being called to come to the study, but instead he just received a warning for a punishment if he were to perform poorly again next time.

Leviathan could feel his mouth gape open as he stared wide-eyed back at MC, the blue lights from his bedroom aquarium illuminating their agitated features.  All he could think about was how stupid he was for even mentioning the test score he accidentally saw sticking out of MC’s school bag, his words fumbling out in a panic to assure them that he wouldn’t treat them differently just because they failed an exam.  “Besides,” he added, “your score is still probably better than Mammon’s--”  His lips immediately sealed shut when the human resumed their argument, bringing up his treatment of Mammon as well.  Seriously, could he not say anything right today?!  Once he heard MC utter the words “I hate you” toward the end of their declaration, Levi wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and never return, not even having the willpower to beg them to wait before they shut his bedroom door behind them.  After a bit of self-loathing, a different type of anger began to boil within Levi.  ...Stupid Mammon.  Stupid Mammon!  It’s Mammon’s fault that MC was angry with him!  Why was MC--his best friend, his Henry--defending that scumbag anyway?!  It wasn’t fair!  Mammon didn’t deserve their kindness!  If that no-good, thieving, idiot of a brother of his would just--!!  

Levi paused when he heard a collection of things clatter to the floor, only then noticing that he had turned into his demon form and whacked some of his figurines down from a shelf with his tail.  He panicked as he examined their condition.  He was prepared to summon Lotan if he found even a single scratch on any of the rare collectibles, like this one of Ruri-chan that was released in a contest to celebrate the announcement of the anime’s second season and only ten of them were made--  He stopped himself completely as he recalled how this figurine wouldn’t even be in his possession if it weren’t for Mammon.  The crafty demon had somehow managed to locate one of the contest winners and win the figurine in a bet he made with them in order for Levi to have it.  As the otaku’s eyes scanned over his shelves of games, books, and collectibles, he realized that quite a handful of these items that he cherished were there thanks to Mammon.  He then thought about a variety of other things that Mammon had done for him in just the past one hundred years alone.  Despite their squabbles, Levi supposed the greedy demon wasn’t the worst brother ever, so he could try to treat him a little better.  But that didn’t mean that he forgave Mammon for all the money he still owed him and all of the belongings he sold behind his back!  ...Ugh, this was going to be hard, but the Lord of Shadow would do anything for his Henry, so he had to give it his best.  Time to remend his friendship with MC and be a bit nicer to Mammon!

Asmodeus had invited MC to his room for a spa night as a way to relieve his stress from the test-filled week at RAD.  The two of them were in the middle of taking off their face masks when Asmo was complaining about how he only just barely got a passing grade after all the studying he did for one of the exams, which prompted him to remark how MC likely passed with flying colors as usual.  His glowing smile faltered when he noticed how the human’s attitude changed while admitting that they had failed that exam.  He was about to reassure them when they started questioning what negative reactions he would have toward them as a result of their poor grade.  “MC, do you really think I would ever say or do such terrible things to you?” he asked with a frown.  “It breaks my heart to hear you even suggest that.”  The latter half of their comeback was enough to shatter his heart entirely--seeing them so upset was troubling enough to him, but the fact that he was part of the reason they were feeling this way made it even worse.  He called their name pleadingly, reaching a hand out as he took a few steps toward them, but his words fell on deaf ears as they left his room without looking back.

As he collapsed onto his bed, Asmo wondered if he and his brothers were really that cruel to Mammon.  He could agree that they weren’t nice to him all of the time, but their frustration with him was justifiable, right?  Like the other day, Mammon had wanted to “borrow” some of his clothing and ended up selling them on Devilcari!  Wasn’t it only fair that he called his greedy brother a “scumbag” among other similar terms and ratted him out to Lucifer so he’d be punished for such a heinous crime?  Honestly, Asmo couldn’t believe he had someone like that for a brother!  Has there ever been a time where Mammon didn’t think about money first?!  ...Oh, well, he wasn’t like that in the Celestial Realm.  Back then, Asmo recalled, Mammon was someone he could depend on, even stepping in to protect him on numerous occasions when he did something wrong.  And although the second-born would grumble about it, Mammon ultimately would help him with whatever he asked for.  Actually, he still does that.  Mammon will pick up the beauty products Asmo wants even though he’s out shopping for himself; Mammon has helped him record videos and take photos for his social media accounts; Mammon could get both of them into invite-only parties, and he really is a lot of fun to hang out with during them--  Okay, maybe he wasn’t such a bad brother after all.  In fact, if he wasn’t around, things just wouldn’t be quite as exciting.  Asmo blew air up at his long bangs in defeat.  He’d have to properly apologize to MC and Mammon for his behavior, but first he needed to freshen up so he looked his best.  In any case, when Mammon causes him grief in the future, Asmo will at least try to avoid using jeering words.

Satan had decided to join MC in the House of Lamentation’s library, taking a seat next to the human as they did their homework while he did some student council work on his laptop.  The peaceful atmosphere he so cherished came to an abrupt end the moment he asked MC if he could look at their Devildom Law test that they got back earlier--he knew that they always did well on the exams, and since he had gotten a few questions wrong on his test, he wanted to see if they had the correct answers.  An uncomfortable silence fell over the human as they held out the test toward him.  Satan immediately realized what the issue was upon seeing all the red x’s and scribbles written on the front page alone, but before he could offer to go over content together as a way to help them, MC was already guessing what his response would be.  His initial surprise from their remarks gradually shifted into a mix of confusion and annoyance the longer they went on.  “Excuse me?” he questioned them, aware that he’d lose his temper if he stayed quiet.  “Why are you comparing yourself to Mammon?  And worse than that, you seem to be assuming that I’d react the way that Lucifer does whenever we get in trouble.  I’m not him, and you’re not Mammon.  What exactly has brought this on, MC?”

The truth came out as the human gathered their items and moved to exit the library.  Wanting to confront the issue rather than letting it stew, Satan grabbed their arm before they could leave.  “Now hold on a minute,” he demanded.  “You do realize that demons aren’t exactly known for being kind, right?  Mammon can be quite ruthless when he wants to be, too.  He may treat you differently because he likes you, but that’s not how he is with everyone.”  He loosened his grip on MC’s arm.  “Look, you haven’t known Mammon for as long as my brothers and I have, but I know you’ve seen how he usually acts.  He’s always in an endless cycle of gambling away what little money he has and then stealing what he can--even from his own brothers--or using other underhanded means just to get more of it.  And because of that, he’s got debt collectors and witches alike trying to track him down on a daily basis, and even we get roped into fixing his messes or suffering the consequences of his actions, like when we were forced to work as bunny boys.  He also never learns from his mistakes and doesn’t care about schoolwork either.  That’s why he ends up on the receiving end of Lucifer’s punishments far more often than the rest of us.  When you lay out these facts, doesn’t it make sense why we’re constantly so frustrated with him?”  

MC’s unwavering glare made Satan sigh.  “Even so,” he continued, “I guess I can’t deny that my brothers and I can be rather harsh toward him most days.  It’s basically a habit for us to toss out an “idiot” or “scumbag” despite him not doing anything at the time.  But we don’t actually hate him, nor do we want to abuse him.  He’s Lucifer’s favorite little brother without a doubt; the twins love it when he coddles them, no matter what they may say otherwise; he’s one of the first demons Asmo likes to go to with gossip or for input on the latest fashion trends; Levi is usually excited whenever he wants to play video games with him, and he keeps lending Mammon money even though he’s rarely ever paid back; and as for myself...”  The Avatar of Wrath smiled bashfully.  “Well, I’m grateful for the times he’s helped me to calm down and avoid slipping into my demon form.  I’ve also lost track of how many times he’s gotten us things that we really wanted and would try to brush it off like he obtained them by ‘coincidence.’  Mammon...looks out for us in his own way.  He’s a strange sort of rock in this family that bounces back from whatever is thrown at him.  ...Maybe...that’s why we don’t feel bad when we ridicule him?”  Satan pondered for a moment.  “All right, I get it, MC.  We let ourselves go too far in our treatment toward him.  I’ll talk to the others about what you said, but I doubt we’re all going to magically change our behavior overnight, just like Mammon hasn’t changed in all these years.  So, give us some time, okay?”

[muwur]

Since requests were open I was wondering if I could request father headcanons for iwai + ushi + atsumu 🥺 btw your writing is vv tasty n I can’t wait to see you write more !! Keep up the good work n stay safe !!

haikyuu daddee headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for iwaizumi, ushijima, and atsumu

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.4k words

a/n: omg u called my writing taSTY Dx i cri tySM 💞 that is a high compliment for me AHAHAHAH ILY and ty for the request! 

also my lovelies i m back i m sry i was gone so long feojfe i miss yall <3 here u go enjoi, this was fun to write lmk if yall want more characetrs AHAHA

current listen: accidentally in love by sHREK AAHAH jkjk i mean counting crows, they cant take that away from me by ella fitzgerald and louis armstrong, love the way you lie by eminem and rihanna

requests: open!

iwaizumi

✧ prePARED daddy

✧ picked up on this parenting thing p fast, also does a lot of research so he’s ready to face any situation

✧ teaches his kids how to behave n respect others

✧ also makes sure they know not to talk to strangers and teaches them some self defense

✧ be warned these kids are packing a surprise can of whOOP ASS,, dont fuck w them,, plus u wouldnt want buff daddee iwa on ur tail

✧ honestly his kids would be ANGELS ,,, n thats cuz he treats them all so w e l l

✧ mans is ATTENTIVE. he asks his kids about their days, their interests, and encourages discussion about their fEELINGS 🥺

✧ always offers them really valuable and light-hearted advice

✧ and gives them the love and transparency we all wanted but never had--

✧ however his kids are easily (n negatively) influenced esp when uncle oikawa comes to visit--

✧ but mostly bc iwa gets annoyed and slips out a lot of curse words and a “shittykawa” and then his kids started calling oikawa that and now it’s ingrained in them forever fjoefefgfvi (*distant phlattykawa crying noises*)

✧ gives them LOTS of head pats and ruffles as signs of affection

✧ PACKS THEIR SCHOOL LUNCHES and ensures they eat a balanced meal

✧ attends all their games/events,, will get a bit rowdy hype them up

✧ def lets his kids sleep with him when they’re having a bad night or woke up scared from a nightmare (and waits for them to fall asleep before going to sleep himself fojref)

✧ when they were babies he usually succeeded to get them to stop crying by pulling funny faces, showing them their favorite cartoons, or humming a lullaby

✧ when they get older,,, u bet iwa would be suPER protective esp when their kids start being iNtErEsTeD in other people

✧ you: “iwaizumi, they seem like a really nice kid, though”

✧ iwa: *sitting with you in the car, across the street from the ice cream parlor your child said they were at, and spying from the window* “you can’t trust everyone, of course they seem ‘nice,’ they just want our approval”

✧ definitely did not interrupt his child’s potential first kiss at their house’s doorstep by slamMINg the door open “sUDDENLY” cuz he “hEard TheIR vOicEs and THougHt TO lET them In”

✧ effectively traumatized both kids

✧ tho he felt bad after n u made him go apologize so he did (and he was forgiven, only if he agreed to never spy on them again--)

✧ doesn’t stop him from scrutinizing every person yalls kid introduces to you tho

✧ overall a super supportive dad, 11/10

ushijima

✧ ok dEF does not know much about parenting ,, at first

✧ stared at his child like ???nani when you both changed their first diaper

✧ also had plenty of staring contests with his babies ,,, called it bonding

✧ was curious and tasted baby food once,,, immediately regretted it

✧ once put a volleyball next to his child, who attempted to bite it, and took it as a sign that they liked it

✧ after sum time n practice, his mind becomes split between “how to volleyball” and “how to dad”

✧ catch him in the kitchen wearing an apron and whipping up his kids’ favorite smiley face pancakes 😤😤

✧ has an amazing ability to get his kids to stop crying, does really simple things like give them their favorite toy or place a gentle hand on their hand or attend to their needs (mans can tell if they want food or needa poop) and they calm down immediately

✧ carried them on his shoulders once and now they never stop asking him for shoulder rides (not that he minds anyway)

✧ if theres two kids he can probs carry one on each shoulder cuz cmon ,,, have u seen this man

✧ always goes to every performance/game/event his child takes part in

✧ man smiles so soft™ when he goes to the 1st grade play and sees his kid’s name in the program next to their role as “townsperson b” (next year, they upgraded to “singing carrot” in a play about the food pyramid)

✧ if his kid ends up enjoying volleyball, he will teach them e v e r y t h i n g they need to know

✧ but is overall super supportive of anything else his child pursues and doesn’t push anything onto them, would rather let them choose what they want to do

✧ had n o idea what to do when his kid asked him about the birds n the bees asfghkl

✧ couldnt sleep one night thinking about it and just randomly asks you while yall laying in bed in the dARk like “so our child asked me how babies are made and I told them they came from watermelon seeds” (you: 👁️👄👁️ “come again”)

✧ you: *at the grocery store with your child*

✧ child: *hands you watermelon* “I want a little brother!”

✧ you: “haha of course honey” 👁️👄👁️ what do i do (*later to ushijima* “duhfojhguf we needa get another baby i promised our child a younger brother fohurof” ; ushi: “wat” ; you: “itS YOUR FAULT”)

✧ yall eventually tell them not every watermelon can produce babies only really special ones that are really hard to get fhuoefkfotfi theyre not ready for the truth

✧ another great daddee, we stan

atsumu

✧ knew parenting was stressful esp with bABieS but was like eh it cant be that bad right

✧ think again

✧ g o o d b y e  s l e e p

✧ develops phat bags under his eyes, responds with a weak “aha im fine just that parenting life and the kids ykNOW” whenever his teammates ask if he’s oKAY

✧ tried to tempt his kids to eat their mush baby food by trying it himself, nearly gagged but was able to say “eughh yuMM”

✧ loves to lift them high up in the air, even throws them up a little and nearly drops them (yall almost died from feAR but babie was having so much fun,,, yall agreed to be just a bit more careful)

✧ rlly bad at getting them to stop crying, gets very stressed when he’s exhausted every option he can think of then calls you over for some help/advice (you: *immediately calms them down* ; ratsumu: “how--”)

✧ calls up osamu a lot to ask him how to make food ,, then simps whenever his twin brother comes over and the kids are in love with this man and his cooking (”dad why cant you make stuff as yummy as this”)

✧ very affectionate with his kids, gives them lots of hugs and kisses on the forehead

✧ plays with them a lot! whether it’s sports, just dance, animal crossing, or UNO, yOU NAME IT WE PLAY IT

✧ also has no mercy when playing competitive video or board games,, has made them cry more than once LOL

✧ so sometimes he toned it down n let them win,, until his kids actually got better and DEMOLISH him every time

✧ is cool with his kids cursing, just as long as they don’t do it in front of their teachers LMAO

✧ plays innocent when he gets a call from school saying his kid was using ‘inappropriate language’ and is like “whaaat? my child? im not even sure where they learned that, maybe check if the other kids in class are saying those things, too--”

✧ reminisces how much nicer his kids were to him when they were younger and all the time they spent together,,, bc now that they reached their tEeNS they want alone time

✧ wants to be B) cool dad so he tries kinda hard, esp in front of their friends but his kid’s just like dad pls dofjrgjigtgro

✧ also very supportive of whatever his kids want to pursue and dedicates time to help them in whatever ways he can (whether that be to help them practice, make sure he can provide transportation, get them supplies, etc)

✧ always playfully competing with you to see who’s the “better” parent (you win by default)

✧ PROTECTIVE dad and will easily intimidate ANYONE who crosses his kids

✧ takes sum adjustment and mental resilience but daddee atsumu perseveres  😤 absolutely loves his kids and would do anything for them  

[themadauthorshatter]

Never!Tedros Headcanons Part 3!

There will be more Tagatha and Tophie in this one, though more Tagatha than Tophie because come on

So, like I said before, Tedros got suspicious of his supposed true love has more evils following her than before, which leads to him wanting to train away from her for a little bit.

He promised to be her prince, and a solid MAYBE on the ball; he's had bad experiences with ballroom get togethers. She accepted the maybe as a yes anyway.

He gets so damn annoyed when she starts failing the pre-Trial challenges.

When he asks why she keeps failing, another lie is born at Sophie's side when she says that she did learn everything and will get better.

She lies more and creates more evils, which really starts rubbing Tedros the wrong way because they start aggressively rubbing against his legs and arms and are slightly louder than Sophie because they purr and sort of talk-meow to him.

When she panics when Hester threatens her and Tedros, but Tedros is more concerned about the evils.

He follows Agatha more, despite Sophie's warning that she's still a little sick, and even asks if he can hold her, because he's about to snap.

She asks if he's okay and why he's so scared. He doesn't answer.

Sophie tries to get a kiss out of him before the Trial like before, but he asks her if she really loves him. Sophie's obviously confused, but Tedros asks again if Sophie is telling the truth about loving him, that if she's honest with him, he'll finally explain why he goes to both schools. She says yes and goes in for a kiss. Even with Agatha as a cockroach on her shoulder, Tedros backs away when a new evil is born. She tries to get him to come back, but he tells her that they'll talk again just before the Trial.

Agatha goes to class to turn in her work to see Tedros being, verbally, calmed by Dovey. Just as she nears Dovey's desk, Tedros quickly walks out if the room.

"What was that about?"

"Just some stress before the Trial. I've never seen the poor boy so flustered."

"If he's that scared, why can't you take him out so he doesn't have to compete?"

"He made his friends a promise, Agatha. And I offered to, but he told me he needed to be in the woods tonight, no matter what."

"But what if he gets hurt? Didn't you see him? He CAN'T compete in the Trial!"

Cue Dovey looked at Agatha with serious "Hold up" eyes. "He... He really didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Well... He spoke so fondly of you, I thought he'd told you."

Agatha admits she had no clue what Dovey's talking about, and Dovey excuses her.

Before the Trial, Tedros is a trembling mess and almost misses when Sophie talks to him. He begs her to stay with him during the Trial, to promise she'll be waiting for him when he goes in the woods. She does very hastily because she's immediately pulled into the forest.

When it's his turn, before Hester, he charges in and attacks anything and anyone that moves in the woods, Evers, Nevers, and woodland creatures alike, consequences be damned.

Even when Chaddick tries to calm him down, Tedros sees Anadil's, Ravan's, and Vex's evils, and yells for Chaddick to get away from him and runs to look for Sophie.

When Tedros and Hester clash, he's lost his sword and instead fights with a branch, which he uses to beat the demon and Hester to Hell and high water. THIS IS AN UGLY FIGHT, BTW, AND HE ONLY GETS THE UPPER HAND WHEN SHE GETS CARELESS. He collapses from the exhaustion and despair sorrow that he lost control of himself and is too busy having a mental and emotional meltdown about it to see a weak demon arm go in for a stab.

Agatha knocks it away and saves him before comforting him, even though he tells her she shouldn't be in the woods or near him because he could hurt her.

He sees hot pink evils(the evils to him have the same color as people's fingerglows) and un-disguises Sophie.

He yells at her for lying and breaking her promise, especially after he trusted her, which he kicks himself for because he admits he knew he shouldn't have because what everyone said was true, that she was a witch and a liar, and, as the two final blows, with his hands grasping his hair and his body curling inward as he struggles to stand, he screams that he was right, that the School Master didn't make a miatake, that Agatha and Sophie are in the right schools, and that Sophie belongs in both the School for Evil's Doom Room and, more extremely, the bottomless pit of Hell, just like he does, because he knows she killed the Beast.

After this he passes out and the two girls stare at each other before Agatha leaves, just as the students see what's happened, Tristan keeping Tedros calm with hair ruffles as the prince hyperventilates on the grass.

He's not really allowed to attend the School for Evil for a little while, just in case he snaps again.

He's back to silence and staring, but he now has to write on a notepad provided by Chaddick and Tristan.

They are the only ones he WANTS to see. Neither know his talent.

Beatrix tries to pay a visit, but decides it's best to leave him be after she slipped him a note and then heard him screaming.

Agatha just doesn't ask to visit him because everything he said still has her shaken and stirred.

Chaddick and Tristan deliver him his homework, until he asks for Agatha to do it, so they can catch up on their work.

Lie. He just wants to see her.

She visits anyway, and asks if everything he said was true. He nods.

She then tells him Dovey brought up how close she thought they were, considering how he 'slept' in her room for a couple nights and was found asleep outside her door after sleepwalking, and asks why he goes to both schools, even though he's supppsed to be a Never. Tedros writes that he can SEE the evil in others, describing them as monsters that follow people and coax them into doing worse evils. He didn't see any surrounding Agatha during orientation, though does note the small evils she has are lies she told in oreder to help Sophie, which explains why they're so small compared to Sophie, who has larger evils like pride and murder; Agatha's evils are the size of medium sized rats while Sophie's are about the size of tigers or bears. He even explains that he's snapped before and it led to him killing a maid.

The whole "going to both schools" is an accommodation made for him for that reason; Evers just don't have that much evil in them, none that's really noticeable for him.

Agatha realizes that his talent is the reason for his silence and staring, and why he follows her and other Evers around.

Tedros tries to hold her hand, but falters and instead holds his knees to his chest, saying without looking at her, "Sorry I can't get you two home, wherever it is. If you do find a way, though, just go and take that witch with you. Nobody wants either of you now. I can make do with my mates."

Agatha only hugs him and tells him that she's not going anywhere because she knows HE DOES want her around; it's either she stays or he's stuck following Evergirls to cool his head.

Tedros laughs bitterly that he's in the right school, considering he's not much of a prince or doing much to help either of the girls. Agatha just tells him, "Shut up, you creep." Only it's said in a really sweet way.

He gets a real Ever uniform, but still wears his black coat and pants because, again, who's stopping him?

The Nevers call him a traitor, but he unsheathes his sword and scares them away.

Hopes that Hort, Ravan, and Vex are okay.

It ABSOLUTELY has to do with the snake he originally put in Sophie's bed that moved to Hester's.

It may also have to do with the uniforms and dead birds he stapled to ceiling of his room in Evil.

It's not that he hates his roommates and fellow Nevers in general, he just targets people who get on his back and won't get off.

Dot has never been one of these people. After putting cockroaches in Hester's, Anadil's, and Sophie's uniforms, he left Dot a few books, one detailing the history of Nottingham, one with really good chocolate recipes, and one titled, 'Cruelty and Kindness: How To Be Evil Without Being Evil.' He also left a note reading, 'Sorry for the noise. I couldn't help myself!😈' and a bar of chocolate that had candy embedded in it, aome being peanut butter, and a jelly center.

Has pranked Chaddick and Tristan by not walking behind them when they think he's following them and by simply smiling as he walks in between them. He doesn't do anything, he just smiles amd they think he's about to do something; it's the thought that counts.

He's thought about pranking Agatha, but instead let her witness his greatest prank yet:

He took all the Evers' and Nevers' shoes and tied them or placed them in high up places, even his own and Agatha's so no one could get blamed for it. Well, everyone's shoes except Sophie's. He spent an hour laughing his ass off in the boy's Groom Room when he remembered the glares students from both schools gave Sophie; he just put Dot's under her bed next to her snack stash.

He can be an asshole when he wants to be.

Chaddick tried getting him back with a bucket of water held up by a cracked open door, but Tedros stared at him all day, trying to figure out why Chaddick kept making sure he was infront of him.

Hates Beatrix's pet rabbit. He literally got caught glaring by Chaddick and admitted the wanted to boil the damn thing.

His animal companion/henchman was a mountain lion

"The son of a lion was a true lone wolf, one a heart that never forgave and a mind that never forgot. Good in his looks and kindness through distance, but Evil in his eyes and silence, in the footsteps that no one seened to hear, even when he was close enough to strike like death in the night."

[catsafarithewriter]

Hey there! Can you recommend some good Haru/Baron fics? Btw, I've been reading yours and its awesome 💕

Sure thing, I’m always up for spreading the fandom love! I’ll be recommending between both AO3 and FFnet - our fandom is older than AO3, the fandom originated mostly on FFnet - actually, here’s a rundown of the writers who shaped the early fandom: 

YarningChick: The Big Name Writer. Over 50 TCR stories. Her stories are actually what made me realise fanfic could be hella decent, and the reason I started writing TCR fanfic. Most older fans will be familiar with her work, and her influence is pretty wide-reaching across the fandom. Her earlier stories are predominantly fluffy fairytale stories, but her more recent stories are darker and longer in comparison. 

Grignard: Was in the fandom about a decade ago, has mostly branched out into others now, but I still remember being hella excited when they wrote a new fanfic in 2013. 7 TCR fanfics, mostly fairytales. 

fringeperson: Also was in the fandom over a decade ago, wrote 30 TCR fics. Their stories are mostly oneshots and short multichaptered fics - the latter either fairytale AUs or sequels. 

There’s a big skew towards fairytale AUs, thanks to the influence of the early fandom writers, so that gets its own category, but most of the authors I mention below have written multiple stories for the fandom and/or are active members of the fandom. Please support them and leave reviews!

More recommendations of my personal favourites below the cut!

[EDIT: Tumblr hates my read mores, so just imagine there’s a “read more now” option here and not stuck in the ask.] 

FAIRYTALE AUs:

Falling From Grace? by fringeperson. Summary: The simple fact of the matter was that to be the only ex-human in the court of the Cat King was not a safe position. Especially when His Majesty's mental capacities are deteriorating. Chapters: 11. Words: 12K

The Reluctant Royal by Grignard. Summary: Haru  must complete three impossible tasks given by her Uncle, the King, while assisted by the mysterious Baron. Chapters: 5. Words: 13K

Till Next We Meet by ArtsyChick. Summary: Two men compete in a race against time to discover where four lovely princesses disappear in the night. The prize: one lovely princess bride. Chapters: 20. Words: 29K

Shades of Green by YarningChick. Summary: Life can be really tough when you're a witch, green, and happen to be despised by everyone that even hears of you. Chapters: 39. Words: 50K

MULTICHAPTERED FICS:

A Cat’s Repayment by Elz Durden. Summary: It began with a cursed candy. Don't the best stories? (Cat’s Note: basically a Ghibli cameo story, light-hearted and feels like reading Stardust. Go read!) Chapters: 15. Words: 33K

Engel’s Zimmer by Pashleyy. Summary: Haru, a senior in high school, bumbles upon the memory of her dearly beloved friend and visits him years after they last met. But what she finds is a nightmare beyond any warm and cozy Bureau. Chapters: 10. Words: 18K

Soul Searching by Ana the Romantic. Summary: It seems like it's always another day, another adventure for the bureau. Now that Haru has become a member and joining the adventures she and Baron only grow closer. But what happens when a new kingdom comes into play? Not to mention a new princess? (Cat’s Note: This was the first TCR fanfic I ever read, and it has a special place in my heart for it.) Chapters: 14. Words: 40K

Chaos & Change by QueenHeadphones Summary: It's Haru's first day working alongside The Cat Bureau, serving a very important role that has them depending on her. Although she's taken every precaution to prepare as much as she can, she'll find that some things can't be planned for. Chapters: 5. Words: 18K

To Know Oneself by YarningChick Summary: Sometimes, in order to find out who you truly are, you need to break a few rules. Or as many as possible; whichever works. (Gotta fit a YC story in here somewhere!) Chapters: 29. Words: 156K

ONESHOTS:

Groundhogs and Russian Dolls by deedeeflowers Summary: Russian Doll AU. For the 2019 Birthday Bash. Haru is stuck in a time loop which keeps ending in her death and has to find out why. Far less dark than it sounds, seriously just go check out all deedeeflowers’ Birthday Bash work. Words: 7K.

Bittersweet Cinnamon by Sindy Sugar. Summary: Haru didn't know what to expect when she moved into her family's old home by herself. She had hoped for some peace from recent events. The last thing Haru expected was to be revisited by two familiar cats she thought she long forgotten. One-Shot AU. Horror. Words: 14K

One Last Cup of Tea by thedrunkenwerewolf Summary: Her adventure with the Bureau in the Cat Kingdom over, Baron has to let Haru go back to her own life in her own world. The only problem is, as soon as she does, she'll forget. Shortfic. AU. Angst. Words: 500

One Hit Wonders by YarningChick. Summary: The new home for my Cat Returns one-shots, two-shots, deleted scenes, and ideas that never evolved into a full-fledged story.

So, You Summoned the Ghost of Your Ancestors by Rowena Bensel Summary: [Written for the TCR Secret Santa 2019] Hiromi's best friend is a paranormal investigator, but she never really believed in ghosts and such. When she and her fiance find a ritual to summon their ancestors, they figure it wouldn't hurt to try it out. After all, there's no such thing as ghosts, right? Words: 2K

the happiness i’ve found with you by BookRookie12 Summary: He doesn't know how long this will last. He doesn't know if, when it ends, he'll ever see her again. But they've made sure he'll remember her forever, and isn't that kind of love enough by itself? Borrower AU. One-shot. Words: 2K

The Incident by Chaos Valkyrie. Summary: The Incident. That would go down in Feline Infamy forever. And will never be spoken of again. EVER. A humor fic. Words: 900

Cinderella by Nanenna Summary: When the king decides to hold a royal ball in his son's honor to which every eligible young lady in the kingdom is invited, it's not hard to guess just what his aim really is. Not that such things matter to Haru, she just wants to have a night off for once. Words: 6K

Haru at the Theater by Casandravus Summary: A regular member of her local theater troupe, Haru's been cast as the beautiful Christine Daaé - but on opening night, there's not a Phantom (or his understudy) to be seen... Words: 2K

New Eyes and Extra Color by Kangoo Summary: Hiromi has known Haru for so long, it's easy to notice all the little ways she's changed lately.

The Lady or the Tiger by StripedSunhat Summary: By the time Hiromi realizes the truth she’s already been gone for more than a year. Haru is gone. Hiromi is left picking up the pieces, sorting through them for the truth. Haru is gone. Hiromi is left, trying figure out what the truth is worth. Haru is gone. 7K

[spidersmiceandeverythingnice]

Gonna write my scatterbrained Spicy Hot Takes on Agartha before the news is stale and I delete this annoying and boring chapter from my mental landscape, so bear with me:

I think Agartha’s main issue was just straight up poor writing. The Japanese direct translations being as downright offensive as they were is one thing - but overall, the chapter is just one plot contrivance after another. It tries so, so hard to go for a certain tone but can’t seem to stick to any one thing or idea. Disregarding themes about sexuality probably would have been the very best way to go about this chapter, since I think the most interesting part was the theme about storytelling and in-authenticity - we all know that That Line was annoying af in a game like FGO, but it CAN work in a series like Fate as a whole. I had a helluva long day at work so allow me to explain in the least scatter-brained way I can manage right now:

Here’s what I’m thinking: Scheherazade, whose name I guarantee I will spell wrong/differently every time I write it even though I’ve been able to pronounce it properly since I was thirteen (I was in a speaking competition and told some of the Thousand and One Nights using her framework as the opening monologue, long story short ANYWAY -) is traumatized by her ordeal with the king. This is a really good and interesting thing to explore! Fitting it in with the theme of storytelling - Scheherazade is deeply afraid of dying and will do whatever it takes to live, so she makes a fantasy world and fills it with legends, and feeds their energy to a Holy Grail. With this, and the power of a Demon God at her side, she plans to reveal magic to the human world in the most destructive fashion possible, allowing the fantastic to become ordinary, and destroying the Throne of Heroes itself in the process. Fate is a series were stories have power - but Scheherazade survived basically by telling the most fantastical, interesting tales she could and never finishing them. She always would pause in the middle, and say, “That’s all for tonight.” I think this is the kind of thing we can run with in terms of setting.

Dahut is the weirdest example because it’s the one story in the chapter that I know next to nothing about. At one point it’s mentioned that Dahut is impossible to summon as a Servant, and so Drake was “forced” into the role of the Pirate Princess. Ys is probably the weakest part of the chapter for that, but I did like the idea of her being “Drake Alter,” where Drake vibrantly pursues her goals and desires but takes nothing for granted; Dahut gives into her every whim and takes absolutely everything for granted. The conflict between “Drake” and “Dahut” should have been emphasized more instead of having the player/Da Vinci dismiss her as “Oh, it’s not Drake, except when she conveniently comes back to delivery us the MacGuffins Ex Machina in the eleventh hour.” Dahut has little connection to Drake - it’s not her story, but a role she was forced into because Scheherazade was building a very specific kind of world. Therefore it is inauthentic. Perhaps that’s all it needs to be in this context. 

This can also work with the Amazons. Scheherazade never told stories of the Amazons, but she has access to basically all stories in the world through her Noble Phantasm - she learns that they are a society of warrior women who live without men, and so decides that they will be a society which oppresses men due to her fear/bitterness towards men after the ordeal she suffered through. The “oppressing men” plotline was honestly dumb all around but using the Amazons as a mechanism to explore Scheherazade's trauma would’ve been more interesting than just having them be the Big Bad before the Big Bad Columbus Reveal: Scheherazade doesn’t like fighting, but wishes that she had been strong enough to protect herself. Because she views herself as a coward and her ordeal with the king has complicated her view of sexuality - “I’m better suited to a bedchamber than a battlefield” - she uses the Amazons of Agartha as a mechanism to cope. 

This brings us to Wu, whose design I’m still not happy about even though I think the in-story justification is somewhat fair. (Let Helena and Wu be gray-haired grannies together or so help me!) Wu was absolutely an authoritarian ruler who did, in fact, invade and conquer several nations and institute a terrifying network of secret police. In her later life, she was given to decadence - but her tenure on the throne showed her to be a highly competent administrator. Notably, she ruled over an era of religious tension and balanced matters quite well, and though she was accused of undoing meritocracy to put her supporters into power, many of the men she appointed held positions in government long after she’d died because they were actually good at their jobs. Wu has been heavily mythologized over the years - later Tang emperors and Neo-Confucian scholars wrote her off (Wu founded her own dynasty under her own name, so they kind of had to legitimize it somehow), she became associated the nine-tailed fox spirit thanks to a few popular novels and poems, etc., etc., etc. The crazy thing is that Wu actually left very few records of herself behind, apart from some poems. Even the inscription on her tomb is blank! People can say whatever they want about her - it’s extremely difficult to know the full truth of the matter without any objective observers in the field (and without Wu’s own words to give context/another story), especially if you don’t read any Chinese. 

BTW - the first thing I learned history class is that when you’re dealing with primary sources, you must always remember that translators have agendas. Every word is a deliberate choice, and it changes the meaning from the original text. When dealing with historical documents, this is not always a good thing. 

Scheherazade reads some, but not all of these stories, and integrates Wu into her world as the sadist empress with an iron grip on her decadent mythical city. 

Do you see what I’m getting at here? It’s a lot, but I’m not done. Now we have to deal with Columbus - there’s “In Defense of Columbus” video is floating around in the Agartha tag, but I haven’t watched it in full and haven’t done like, any intensive research on Columbus in particular, so I’m going to apologize right now for any historical inaccuracies/misconceptions that I’m about to write. The point I want to make here mainly is that Columbus, like Wu, has been heavily, heavily mythologized for both good and evil at various points. The thing about Columbus that is also interesting is that the authenticity of his journals is or was apparently a subject of debate. The man who published most of them actually happened to be Bartolomew de las Casas - one of the founders/first vocal supporters of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade. The reason de la Casas supported this is because he believed that using African labor would be an improvement over enslaving the native populations of the New World. Soon after, he had a change of heart and devoted the rest of his life to fighting against slavery in all forms. De la Casas went on to be named a saint, and was possibly the first person in history to propose the idea of universal human rights - which is how I had heard of him until literally just this afternoon; I had no idea he’d ever supported the slave trade until I was looking up basic info about Columbus’s writings so I could write this long-ass post. History is full of complicated people. 

But as I mentioned in Wu’s bit, it’s very important to note that in many ways, Columbus is literally just whatever people decide he is. Like, he never even set foot in any land that would become the United States, and yet he’s a huge symbol here! Along these lines, his amnesia would fit the theme of inauthentic storytelling, choosing what to read and what to believe in. Columbus regaining his memories was an understated moment, which is actually fucking fantastic because it could be used to really emphasize the choice that is being made here. He’s a Heroic Spirit who can choose to be whatever he wants. He can choose to be the simple hero-explorer that schoolchildren sing about, or he can choose to be the Big Bad, the first and perhaps most infamous conquistador. And he chooses to be the bad guy. That is so fuckin’ fantastic, y’all! I honest to God love that not only did FGO portray Columbus as a villain of history but that the bad reputation is something he chooses to maintain! I can write a list of Servants who were less than stellar people and got a makeover for Fate. Nero is probably one of the worst examples but like - Ozymandias absolutely owned slaves in his life as a pharaoh. Hercules and Medea murdered their own children. Asterios literally ate humans as the Minotaur. Gilles de Rais exists as a playable character. Jack the Ripper is your daughter. Hell, Nobunaga burned temples with the monks still inside - but she feels bad about it now! Enough digressing but I a hundred percent get why Japanese fans found Columbus “refreshing” at his introduction. He owns his cruelty, his desire to exploit others - he challenges the narrative that everyone is redeemable because he doesn’t even want to be redeemed, he just wants to get rich and famous, and he doesn’t give a shit who he steps over in the process! Like, Columbus said, “I’m just doing what comes naturally,” at one point when he still had amnesia, so when he got his memory back and turned on the player, I really would’ve liked for him to say is something like, “You’ve already decided that I’m the bad guy, right? You know my story, and I’m nothing if not a man of my word.”

These kinds of questions/debates could have been used to emphasize the themes of Agartha. Legends are what people decide they are. People make choices and history decides whether they were good or evil or important retroactively. Can you know what someone is like by reading a translation of their poetry? Can you judge a king’s reign by the words of their successors or their rivals? Does the context of a story matter? This all could have been super interesting to explore!

Like I said, the main theme of Agartha being “inauthentic storytelling” could have been hella, hella good considering that this is a world created by Scheherazade’s fears and trauma feeding into her escapist desires. But Minase’s incompetence as a writer made everything so hamfisted and awkward that everything just suffered under his desire to insert his fetishes at every moment. It was so obvious that he didn’t read any material for old Fate characters - like Astolfo you poor sweet thing, you deserved so much better! - and even the new characters that he clearly did research on, like Columbus, fell flat because he couldn’t figure out what he was trying to say beyond mildly-to-extra offensive sex jokes.

[multifandomaddictedfangirl]

Misconceptions about Breaking bad ~ my theory (Spoilers!)

So I’ve just finished watching Breaking Bad. All seasons. I really loved the show. It was well written, well directed, well thought in every details, very well played with such talented actors. It is a masterpiece. Clearly, it was a show that had been thought of and worked on for a while to be perfect (like no plot holes, no OOC actions, no wasted moments, no pointless moves, no useless lines, etc.). Besides, this show had everything: badass action, fighting scenes, tension, drama (big time), humor sometimes (not often) and emotions (a lot).

However, I think there is a HUGE misunderstanding to what this show is about and an ENORMOUS misconception of why it’s so good and really likeable.

A lot of people I have met IRL, or read online, really loved this show as well. That’s not a surprise. As I’ve said, this show was really good for a lot of reasons and I will never deny that.

But as I was reading them/talking to them IRL, I’ve realised something. They loved Breaking Bad because they loved the story and the character of Walter White. They loved the story of an american middle aged white man, with a normal life, a traditional family and a boring job, becoming this super extra badass who ends up building and controlling a meth empire. Usually, they particularly loved season 3-4 when Walt is supposedly at its greatest moments. They loved Walter White and what he has become: a badass, a smart ass meth dealer, a dominating boss, a good provider for his family... a real man. They loved him as a hero. They loved him as a protagonist who should succeed and get what he wants in the end. They loved him as a character that they were rooting for. They also loved the dream of a normal guy starting off nothing and ending up being the big boss in the game. They loved the idea of having this exciting/dangerous/ illegal/ outlawed/badass “dream life”. Like in an action movie. They loved the fantasy that Breaking Bad exposes.

So here’s the thing... Those people don’t like Breaking Bad. Because that’s not the show. That’s not its point. That’s not its essence. That’s not what it’s trying to show us. That’s not what it’s about. At all.

Obviously, there are multiple interpretations and levels of lecture in a piece of art. And I don’t think some are overall better than others. I think it’s pretty condescending and arrogant to believe there is a “good way” of consuming medias/arts, and a “bad way”. There are just different ways. And that’s great.

However, if you pay attention to the show, for like 10 minutes, it’s pretty clear what it is about.

Breaking Bad is a criticism of Walter White and of this fantasy of a badass action-movie lifestyle. The whole point of the show is basically to say: “Look at that kind of lifestyle society makes you fantasise about, and look how you really don’t want to have it cause it actually sucks. Look at how you DON’T and SHOULDN’T want to become Walter White.”

Walter White isn’t portrayed as a glorious badass mastermind hero by the show. He shouldn’t be read like that. Of course, he is the main protagonist and so, the audience is meant to follow his story. But Walt is first portrayed as a bad guy. Not only like a villain. But as a bad person. Someone you should despise for his personality. Someone who should disgust you. Someone you should hate for who he truly is. Someone you shouldn’t be rooting for. Someone you should quite quickly want dead.

When the show begins, yes, he is portrayed as a normal family man, working a basic job, providing for his family which he seems to care about. But the show already makes it clear that he is a very proud man, who thinks he deserves better than his current life, who thinks he can do better and have better just because. Just cause he is Walter White, a chemistry genius. His world, what he has, doesn’t seem to be enough for him.

(Btw some of my friends argued that Walter White wasn’t such a bad person in the beginning of the show, and that “the meth dealing turned him into an asshole”. While I would agree with that, I also wanna point out that in the beginning of the show, Walt isn’t the greatest person neither... His life is built around a very sexist scheme. He always expects Skyler to do breakfast for him and basically all the housework, because she is his housewife and that’s the way things are supposed to be. We never see him being grateful for what she does. If he’s the only one working, “providing for his family”, it’s more likely because he didn’t want Skyler to. Skyler is a competent woman, she could have found a job with a better income than high school teacher. But I don’t think Walt, fulled with pride, would have accepted to be taken care of by his wife. He wanted to be the alfa male since day one. Because he more likely already had internalised pride, sexism and toxic masculinity and fake virility. We never see him share his true feelings with Skyler. He doesn’t want to look vulnerable. Never. He’s never real with anybody. He refuses to admit that he feels bad about his life and prefers to hide behind a mask, which he will continue to do throughout the show. Because expressing your true feelings to someone who cares about you is not an alfa male move, so Walt rejects this idea. So no, I don’t believe Walter White was such a great person in the beginning. He already was an asshole. He just became waaaaaaaay worse.)

Anyway, then he got diagnosed with cancer. And the money issue appears. If the family pays for Walter’s chemotherapy, they will take a huge risk of bankrupt. They need more money. The family needs more money. But let’s note that Walt’s friends, Eliot and Gretchen, DO propose to pay for his therapy. But Walter refuses, again because of his pride. All the events that follow, all the murders, all the meth dealing, all the horrors, EVERYTHING could have been avoided if Walter White hadn’t decided to be an arrogant jerk and say “suck it” to genuine help.

The money and the (supposedly) rightful idea providing for his family will be Walter’s justifications for ALL his actions during the ENTIRE show (even when his cancer is cured and the family doesn’t necessarily needs this huge amount of money anymore).

The truth is Walt never just wanted the money for chemotherapy or to help his family. He wanted the money because money equals power and influence. And Walt dreamed of power and control over the others. He wanted to be the only one capable of providing, the one everyone else would praise, admire and thank for the rest of his life. He wanted to be a god. Before even cooking his first batch, he already was a narcissist self-centered and arrogant prick, only thinking about his own good.

When he starts to cook meth, it just becomes even worse. The show gets darker, bloodier, more violent. Everything breaks bad, as thev title of the show clearly explicits. Walt finds a new way to express his desire of control, his dream of being finally respected/feared, and the silent violence which he was hidding inside of him.

(I think Walt somehow wants to turn the symbolic violence he was victim of (not being manly enough, especially compared to his brother-in-law, Hank who kinda bullies him in the beginning of the show) into a physical violence he is now in control of).

He then becomes a monster, who is capable of the most cruel, creepy, insane actions to get what he wants. He completely looses sense of reality. If we sum up what he did: he started cooking meth, he missed his daughter’s birth because of the meth dealing, he lied to everybody who cared about him, he tricked his DEA agent brother-in-law Hank, he mentally abused and manipulated Jesse to make him his puppet, he provoked Hank’s accident paralysing him for a while, he turned Junior against Skyler, he abused Skyler and made her part of his business letting her no other choice, he killed Gus’s men, he disolved murdered bodies in acid, he let Jane died while he could have saved her, he made Jesse kill Gale, he blew up a old people’s house killing Gus and hurting multiple innocents, he told nazis where Andrea lived and therefore caused her death, he ordered killings in prison, he blackmailed Hank with a fake confession video, he kidnapped Holly, he caused Hank and Gomez’s deaths, he killed Krazy8, he killed Mike, and he poisoned a child.

And the show makes it pretty clear that it’s not sane, that NONE of this is cool/badass, that it’s just miserable actions provoked by a desperate man, that it will just bring him sadness, loneliness, loss, misery and disfurtune, that Walt slowly but surely goes down this path of destruction and cruelty and that he will never come back. That what he once had (a family who loved and respected him, friends who cared about him, friendly neighbors, a stable job which had always been enough to provide for the family, a beautiful house, a great life, really) will be gone forever. And he will never get all of that back. Even if Walt just realises that in the final episodes.

His problematic lack of trust (even towards Jesse who never betrayed him!), his egocentric paranoia (the fact that he always thinks he is the center of some sort of conspiracy in the meth empire, despite the fact that it is a huge business and he is just not alone in this), his insane quest of power (the fact that he is never happy with what he has and always wants to extend his market/to extend his influence) and his huge PRIDE will always and constantly lead him to making huge mistakes and screwing up everything, making everything way worse. Walt is often the cause of his own failures.

But rather than learning from his mistakes, grow up and adapt, those mistakes just reinforce his beliefs, his fears, his desires, and justifies somehow even more his further actions. Walt is stuck in a vicious circle that, you know already from season 1-2, will lead him towards his end.

Everytime Walt tries something, he fails. He is not a badass mastermind meth dealer. He takes a lot of stupid decisions because he is too impulsive and doesn’t know how things really work in the real life. There is plenty of things he doesn’t know, even if he never admits it. He always have more competent person around him to do the job. Sure he cooks meth better than anybody else (except maybe Jesse in season 5), but meth dealing isn’t just cooking. Without Jesse, without Gus, without Mike, Walt would have never been Heisenberg.

Relying on other isn’t a bad thing (on the contrary), but that’s not what Walt does. Walt USES people. He manipulates them, he mentally ABUSES them, destroys their self esteem, threatens them, makes them believe they have no other choices but to order him. He did that with Jesse (big time), and also with Skyler for instance. The truth is Walt sucks and he needs others but he always denies it because he doesn’t want to admit that he is vulnerable and lost and that he actually is not “the big boss in the game”.

And whenever he makes a decision by himself (usually to cross someone), he FAILS. Like dramatically. He always puts himself in a position that is worse, usually more dangerous, just because he couldn’t shut up and keep his pride. Yes, sometimes, he also succeeds but it’s then quickly shown that what he thought was a success will turn up against him.

Even when Walt does look badass, it’s during short moments taken apart from big story. Yes, if you take some scenes out of context, Walt looks cool. But if you just take some time to analyse the context, than the scenes loose all its power and Walt appears the way he is inside: powerless, weak, insecure, pathetic.

For instance, when Walter says to his wife “I’m the danger”, it’s not meant to be seen as a badass line (and it has, by many people). It’s pathetic because he has, at that point in the show, lost control in his professional life. So he’s trying to regain control and influence in his private life by terryfing someone who looks weaker than him. He cannot hurt or scare his actual enemies in the meth empire because they are more powerful than him. He is at this point lost, confused and vulnerable. He needs to regain his manhood, his position of power, his role of alfa male. So to do so, he decides to terrify his wife, who is just a normal person and doesn’t know the meth world (and so, who has to take anything Walt says for granted). He’s like a bully, in school, attacking the weakest because they are in quest of manhood and influence. And we know bullies are actually the most insecure kids.

Besides, when Walt fails, he doesn’t even admit he screwed up, says sorry and learns from his mistakes. He denies he made a mistake and takes the blame on others. That’s, again, profoundly PATHETIC. He lies to everyone. While he claims that he doesn’t want anybody’s pity, he keeps lying to make it look like he was just the victim of unfortunate events against him. That’s why Walt isn’t even a good likeable villain. He denies what he truly wants (money, power, control, sense of manhood...), he hides behind a fake justification, and he doesn’t realise or admit that his means are deeply cruel (murder, mental abuse, meth dealing, child poisoning, lying, bloodbath assassinations...). Even if he has convinced himself he’s doing all of this for a good reason (provide for his family), it’s like he is not aware of the monstrosity of his actions. He never admits he has become a merciless monster. Not to his family, not to his wife, not to his partners in crime. Most villains would say: “I believe what I do is fair and justified, but to do so, I have to become a monster and do unspeakable things and that’s what I’m gonna do”. But Walt doesn’t.

(Walt would probably say something like “I’m a good person, I want to help my family which totally explains all my actions which weren’t even THAT bad if you look at it a certain way and there was no other choice anyway, I’m just a victim, but I’m still powerful, but I had to, but I’m in control.” And honestly? UGH.)

Walt is a looser, who tries to hide the fact that he sucks. He is not a badass, or a mastermind. He’s mostly scared, pathetic and lost. Breaking Bad always show us that. Breaking Bad is about the fail and the path towards the end of Walter White. It’s about Walt becoming worse and worse, but not by doing things more and more illegal/horrible. He’s becoming worse and worse as a person. More pathetic as the show evolves. More miserable. More lost. More desperate. And he ends up with NOTHING.

Walter White looses everything. His friends are so terrified of him that they don’t want to have any contact with him. His wife completely despise him. His son is ashamed and disgusted of him. His daughter will grow up without a father. His former associates are mostly dead. His partner, Jesse, hates him and runs away from him. Walt dies alone, abandonned by everyone, knowing nobody will miss him and that he has failed to do what he first wanted (take care of his family), that the person he once was, who had a great life actually, is gone.

The show makes it very clear that following Walter’s path is not something cool. It’s not something you should want or dream about. Because in your fantasy, the meth business is badass and cool and fun. But in reality, it’s difficult, horrifying, dangerous and life-ruining. The point of the show is to stay: Walt got stuck in this because he was, and always had been, a proud, narcissist and pathetic person and he has LOST everything when he tried to be the badass he never was.

This fictional lifestyle, based on pride, toxic masculinity and badass action fantasy, that is nourished by a lot of fictions and medias that we consume, is BAD (hence the title). The show criticises it over and over again.

And in my opinion, that’s why it’s so good. The show doesn’t glorify what society already praises to be the dream. It questions it, it shows us its true nature, and criticises it. At the end, Breaking Bad isn’t just a badass exciting action-movie turned into a serie (it would have been quite boring if it was). It’s more than that. It tells a story about us as human, as people, and it deconstructs a fantasy we all have had at some point. And it does it perfectly. So I really loved this show, but it saddened me to see so many people having this misunderstanding about what the show was trying to say.

[dyalavellan]

Dya'hel's relationships with companions & advisors

@lavellanlove​ asked me what her relationships were like with the other companions & advisors, so I decided to make a post about it because I found the question pretty interesting ^^ I hope you wouldn't mind the tag!

(Btw, if you are interested, the link for asking questions should have been enabled. I'm sorry I did not noticed before it was blocked!)

Companions

CASSANDRA:

Her relationship with Cassandra is quite hard at first. Basically, Cassandra scares as hell her because she always feels like the woman is about to draw the sword and cut her apostate throat. The two of them then, slowly become friends especially when Cassandra starts to open a bit. She reveals herself to be as pure as Dya'hel and a mother-like supporter. At the end of the game, they are bestfriends.

(You can find more on Headcanon#6: )

VARRIC:

Although Dya'hel will never be like Hawke to him, He treats her like a friend. Maybe more like a precious cinnamon roll to protect like "Daisy". In fact, she reminds him a lot of Merrill and sometimes he makes jokes about this. At first, he sure likes her because the fact she's part of a ethnic minorance and her innocence gives him the chance for doing some funny storytelling. In the end of the game, he becomes to Dya'hel like the uncle she never had.

SOLAS:

You probably already know a lot about their relationship since he's her love interest and I keep spam the two of them together hahah. Almost certainly soulmates and very close since the very beginning, it was love at first sight. They let things happen between their two without even noticing it at first. Forcing to end their true and inconditionate love it's what brokes them eventually in the end, knowing that they are losing the person who really belongs to each other.

DORIAN:

He finds Dya'hel truly beautiful in a matter of an objective point of view. He enjoys to be sassy with Solas and very caregiving with her, and secretely is one of the best supporters of their relationship. He values Dya'hel like a great companion and during the time they spend together, he manages to see in her some kind of hidden strenght that leads him to have an high consideration of her. In the end of the game, He stays with her for a long time after Solas leaves and becomes a sort of big brother to Dya.

SERA:

Sera finds her scary at first. Dya'hel is everything she dislikes in a single person: An elf, a mage and an "herald of Andraste". She pranks her a lot in Haven and Skyhold, making fun of her not-yet-relationship with Solas, turning their attempt of flirt in something awkward. But Dya'hel is too kind to get angry and tell her to leave the inquisition. So she kills Sera with kindness until Sera herself understands that Dya'hel is nothing of dangerous for her and that she can be trusted. Sera feels strange after realizing this, and also a little bit guilty. So she takes Dya with her on a pranking adventure to bother others and see how it goes. Revaluating her, they slowly become friends.

IRONBULL:

In the beginning, Bull thinks Dya is a fragile and shy lady elf who doesn't know how to relate with others. But in their first fighting together, He sees her as the war machine she's inside and completely changes his mind. Despite that, He's convinced by Sera to prank Dya'hel together and take her to the tavern to make her drink like there's no tomorrow. Dya'hel's low alcohol tolerance always guarantee the maximum fun on each trip. In the end of the game, Bull sees Dya as a friend and as a great companion, seeing other aspects of her character beside her shiness and her awkwardness.

BLACKWALL:

He's surprised at first to see an elf as the herald of Andraste. But her open minded character and her pure soul, makes his heart skip a beat. He has a crush on her for a very long time. And that's so big, he feels like he's competing with Solas at a certain point, even if he NEVER tells nobody about his feelings for her. Probably, only Cole knows. Anyway, Dya'hel sees him just like a friend and a good companion. He always has her back and protect her during fightings. Even in the end of the game, after Solas' betrayal, he doesn't confess his feelings knowing that Dya'hel would never love nobody else as much as she loves Solas. So he stays at Skyhold, silent, trying to confort Dya'hel as best as he can, serving her with determination. I think his love can be seen as one of the purest form, since it's based on the concept of letting free and see the other one happy instead of being selfish and wanting to be absolutely loved back.

VIVIENNE:

As well as Dorian, Vivienne sees Dya'hel as one of the most beautiful and classy creatures of the whole Thedas. The only thing she finds indigest about Dya, is her far-too-much-Solas-like humilty. She thinks that one apostate hobo in the party is enough. So she tries to convince Dya'hel in dressing up a little bit fancier than usual, and she proclames herself the inquisitor's "fashion advisor". She becomes the fashionable Aunt taht Dya'hel never had before. With this, Vivienne becomes also one of her closest friends after her breaking up woth Solas, remembering how Dya helped her in her darkest moments when her beloved duke died. Vivienne and Dorian in the end, are like Dya'hel's “feelings body guards”. They keep Solas in the distance to prevent her mental breakdown and they make fun of him in a very sassy way. Their poisonus tongues are like a wall between Dya and Solas after their break up.

COLE:

In my game, Cole becomes a Spirit. Before this, though, Dya'hel is one of the ones that tries to understand Cole's strange manners, feeling close to him due to his being emarginated from everyone. They have long talks about the fade and sometimes, even Solas takes part to their chit chats. Dya'hel wants to protect him to the bad of the world and let him be what he feels right to be. Cole owes her his life, so he becomes a devote spirit to her. He wants her and Solas to be together forever, so after his betrayal and also after the very end of the game, he travels everywhere to find him and make him come back to Dya'hel. Cole becomes the very link between Dya and Solas even after the events.

Advisors

CULLEN:

He doesn't talk much to Dya'ahel. He feels shy in her presence and limits their talks on organizational matters. Their relationship is trictly professional and Cullen really admire her for her actions and her will to make Thedas a better palce for everyone.

LELIANA

She really doesn't know how to handle Dya'hel. Her researches tells her very slightly informations about the girl so she has no idea about who she really is or what she should say to her. Her eagerness to know her more tho, scares a lot Dya'hel so they end up not talking much. Despite that, Leliana really tries hard to get close to her by giving her The Hero of Ferelden's grey warden outfit as a present (like descripted in one of the headcanons). Dya'hel reminds her of her disappeared friend, so Leliana is always kind but a little bit malinchonic when she tries to approach Dya. In the end, their friendship is stronger on leliana's side, since Dya'hel is too shy and she still feels like they are not that close to be called friends.

JOSEPHINE:

She feels like that asking questions to Dya'hel could always hurt her elfy feelings. Everytime she tries to know something deeper about Dya, the girl becomes silent and leaves. The truth is that at the beginning, Dya is still confused by the events and doesn't know who she should trust. Plus, Dya'hel has always had difficulties in trusting people with high roles in the community, due to her turbolent past in the Dalish tribe. With time, they manage to talk a bit but it takes forever to Dya to open up with Josie. So, her relationship with Josephin stays on a level of not-yet-friendship. Like it's freezed in the step before turning out to be real friendship.

NOTES IN THE END: They all become like a big family, even if someone might be not that close to Dya. Eventually, the fact that in my head she becomes pregnant at some point (see Cassandra's headcanon), makes everyone get closer to the kid and act like a real family. Nobody is left alone! (Except Egghead, but he deserves it XD)

[funkymbtifiction]

can you do a healthy/unhealthy post for Ne and Si in all positions?

Healthy Ne-dom: Seeks continuous inspiration, able to notice and pick out the best ideas, have many thoughts and pursue ideas to their intellectual conclusion. Optimistic view of people and seeking the best in them, wanting them to achieve their idealized potential, has a sense of hope and intellectual openness. Good at visualizing and enacting positive trends for potential change, often admirable in their creativity and optimism. Idealism.

Unhealthy Ne-dom: Disconnected from reality, unable to learn from their mistakes, flippant in their relationships (prone to dumping people when they get bored or not easily connecting to them on a deeper level), abandoning tasks half-finished, continual longing for ‘better’ things which causes them not to enjoy the moment or value those around them. Wastes time with a lack of focus and chases immediate mental stimulation, often disorganized, careless, and impatient.

Healthy Ne-aux: Gathers interesting ideas, considers many possibilities, which counter-acts their harsh logical/ethical judgments and expands their worldview. Intellectual interests allow them to widen their understanding of reality and how it works, focus on envisioning a better self and seeking ways to make it happen. Willing and able to explore different possibilities and ideas, good at imagining the best of people and of oneself.

Unhealthy Ne-aux: Scattered and impulsive thinking which lacks precision, does not know which ideas carry more intuitive potential, impractical in their decisions or detached from reality. Can be passive, apathetic, and unmotivated to do more than just imagine / idealize their thoughts, chases newness out of boredom but abandons projects before completion, leading to habitual lack of follow-through, overly idealistic or ignorant of sensing danger, cannot focus, skim-reads, refuses to learn in depth.

Healthy Ne-tert: Open to new ideas and possibilities, and ways of doing things that are outside what they are accustomed to / the norm. Flexible and open-minded, sees multiple positive ways to tackle problems and use their creativity to foster improvement in the workplace/their creativity/personal life, focuses on the future and how to shape it with optimism, takes an interest in personal growth and self-improvement / development.

Unhealthy Ne-tert: Thinks oneself more intellectual than one actually is, does not know how to choose between good and bad ideas, may fantasize about other people and/or trust their ‘insights’ (which may or may not be right); low levels of idealism (either being too idealistic and trusting, or too negative about the future and other people’s motives); may leap on new ideas without caution and make mistakes in judgment, prone to chaotic but shallow thinking, and unable to focus / prioritize or accomplish what they set out to do, due to boredom.

Healthy Inferior Ne: Interest in self-improvement and seeking out new ideas, exposes self to interesting new concepts and knowledge, open to change and willing to look upon the future with optimism. Can approach and tackle difficult projects with multiple ideas, open to brainstorming and feedback from others.

Unhealthy Inferior Ne: Zero interest in self-improvement or new ideas, finds all abstract concepts impractical and/or blindly believes any intuitive concept or philosophy that comes along (due to low discernment), tends to be idealistic and/or impulsive under stress, or experience deep unease / fear of the future, overall perspective on the future is one of negativity and uncertainty – to cope with this, they never think about or want to discuss in depth the future.

Healthy Si-dom: Excellent at retaining and storing details, and storing information on past experiences, encounters, and beliefs. Capable of establishing and maintaining a sense of inner security and stability, quick to notice sensory inconsistencies and contrasts when doing mental comparisons. Careful attentiveness to detail allows them to build up an incredible knowledge base, which they access when encountering new situations. Familiarity and comfort with details and use of routines to accomplish much in a day. Patient, reliable, and sensory-imaginative. (Often fills their stories with rich details, btw.)

Unhealthy Si-dom:Rigid and legalistic in their worldviews, prone to dismissing anything that does not match their experiences and outright rejecting new concepts, ideas, or experiences that threaten their sense of internal balance. Intense loathing for others who cannot match their level of competent detail-driven sensory awareness; persnickety about personal tastes. Prone to living in their own private world / detached from the outer world, may indulge fantasies or outright denial of reality if it does not match their desired worldview.

Healthy Si-aux: Uses factual or concrete details to avoid over-generalizing, good at sensory comparisons and noting inconsistencies. Collects details and information in order to build a thorough knowledge of a topic, excellent ability to prioritize and complete tasks with a richness of sensory depth and warmth to them. Good memory and ability to store information and recite it accurately.

Unhealthy Si-aux:Narrow-minded or rigid, relies on personal experience only in rejecting others’ experiences and/or ideas (poor Si and poor Ne development); careless with details or learning things completely. Makes poor comparisons due to a lack of nuance or awareness, poor prioritization of tasks, too much focus on being ‘in’ the world and not enough on self-care. Refuses to shift from their routine, cannot adapt to new and changing situations, nitpicks things.

Healthy Si-tert:Able to counter their idealism or impractical ideas with practicality, and to learn to focus and attend to their physical needs. Aware of their bodily needs and limitations, comfortable with routine in getting things done, attentiveness to necessary details, able to learn things carefully and in depth so as to be accurate in their intuitive grasp of knowledge.

Unhealthy Si-tert: Gets stuck in the past or in unproductive thoughts, routines and behaviors. Stubborn about their personal experiences, prone to feeling ‘stuck’ and helpless, unproductive, or unmotivated; poor with details and dismissive of finishing things, careless in learning things (skim-reads). Defines self by their former experiences and has a negative impression of the future. Cannot shift their ideas and only notices details that confirms their negative ideas.

Healthy Inferior Si: Able to focus on and learn in detail. Takes care of one’s physical, mental, and spiritual health by eating, exercising, and getting enough sleep. Can focus on and incorporate accurate details into creative projects, and commit to follow through. Has a sense of longing for stability, safety, and the mental focus to finish difficult tasks (often by using Ne to find ways to put a unique or interesting spin on the material). Recognizes one’s weak sensing, and does not assert details unless certain of their truth / validity.

Unhealthy Inferior Si: Messy, sloppy work, cares nothing for details, finds a lot of jobs ‘boring’ and/or abandons them due to little interest in ‘hard work.’ Neglects physical health (not eating, sleeping, or refilling their mental tank with time for reflection and self-pampering). Over-generalizes and uses bullshit to cover up their total lack of being able to remember specific details. Poor sense of self, prone to mis-remembering events / people / details and being stubborn or resistant to change their minds about it. Can be weirdly nostalgic and hate change in certain areas, prone to anal behavior under stress.

- ENFP Mod

PS: I HIGHLY recommend Ne-doms keep diaries about the people in their life, in order to re-establish their initial perceptions / the facts about encounters, because inferior Si is so bad at retaining them, and Ne so prone to inserting idealism and/or putting a non-realistic slant on them, it’s easy to dismiss bad behavior when you put some distance between you and the incident, or to over-exaggerate / misinterpret it through the lens of a disenchanted Ne. A lot of Ne-doms can get stuck in terrible relationships due to their idealism -- or having totally unrealistic, Ne-driven delusions about their friends.

[fatinsharbini]

BE A MERMAID AND MAKE WAVES

Hi there! It’s been a while we didn’t meet. And it’s been a long time I didn’t write any thoughts on you. To be precise, I’ve got too much to handle lately. Well, I guess so. It’s so hard not talking to you, ES! So here I go. Been sitting in front of my laptop for about half an hour just to search for a perfect photo to be uploaded. Nehhh what a perfect weather to emotionally write something on you cause it’s raining out there. ☔️

Be a mermaid and make waves. This has been my favorite quote hmm ya meh? Some people asked, is it related to the so-called legendary aquatic creature or my all time favorite DP character or any skill or hobby? Hmm. To be honest, No. And it’s not really something that you can understand directly. It’s not something as explicit meaning, but it’s actually carrying implied meaning to the whole sentence. What I mean here is, I wanna make something unnoticed. I wanna make changes in my life and give something good to people and I want to achieve a whole new level while reaching a quarter century age. Btw, had reached. Haha.

To be honest, I really wanna give new hopes to my friends and family. Without them knowing that I have put efforts into it. Just like mermaids, they make waves in silence (not sure whether it is good or bad kay). That’s what I mean. I don’t agree with some concepts where people do good things just to showing off their efforts to people or to hear people say Congratulations! to them. It’s good because people will notice you and you will get a chance to be awarded with some publicity or famous-ity. But, I don’t think it’s something that people like me will wish for? You know sincerity can save it all, at least for your own achievement.

I don’t know why but sometimes, I feel like I have become an influencer to some people (not in marketing kay?). I don’t know why but since few years back, I met quite many of people and they have known me based on my stories or through people that I can called “friends-but-not-friends-anymore”. Actually I don’t even have any grant for me to be emulated by the others. The truth is, I’m not being comfortable at seeing people trying to show me what they did. Or what they are capable of. Or anything that they wants me to see or notice. I know what they’re trying to say. I know sometimes we DID have a desire to compete. That’s the point.

For the sake of my comfort, I choose to ignore it. Because one of my greatest mental freedoms is truly not caring what anyone else think of me. They can choose to be better than me, they can choose to be brave than me, choose to be rude to me, or choose to underestimate me. But none of that matters to me. I don’t want to repeat what they are doing or what they are saying because I don’t want to be like them. It’s not fun to copy someone else to live your life. Well, I guess so. I saw some of them trying to do the same thing as what I did and post it. The exactly same thing that I posted not long ago. Haha.

Honestly speaking, when people treat you like they don’t care, please believe them. You’re not even matter anything anymore or in future. That’s it. Dig it or die in your own way. Sometimes, when I think I know people and understand them, they did something that I never thought they would do. I do hope more and more people will think positive or at least, ignore evil behaviors. Because from what I saw from people, they tend to criticize other ppl. We know diff people have diff environment and diff personality and sometimes they are not disclosed to the same environment as you are in. So we don’t have to criticize if it’s not to awaken those lack-ers. Save your words for good things kay.

I agree with a personal opinion from someone which is not everyone has to like you. But, at least for your own sake, please mind your own business. I’m tired of hearing the same thing from diff people. I have many things to think about, I have many solutions to think of, I have many things to worry about. I have many reasons to be stress-free. And I don’t want to get involve in badmouthing other people or pinpointing their mistakes because HONESTLY I don’t even want to give any space in my head for something that doesn’t benefit me or at least, contributing solutions to my struggles. Or can motivate me!

I don’t even mind if someone needs my help or they need me to be there to contribute feedback. I’m not that evil to just ignore people before they could say a word. At least not by cheap-ing yourself to get attention or by repeating the same thing that I’ve already answered. Or, trying to reminiscing your old basik memories that has no value especially to me. No means no and get lost means go die lah. Gila. I Dont Care!

November 12, 2017

10:40pm

[elisaminimeneghini]

Writing in english so others can understand and maybe argue or agree, but I think Italian team doesn't need Ferlito both mentally and technically. She never achieved good goals (i.e. more than one individual european medal/world medal), still she acts like the Federation owes her something if not everything, she embarassed them with comments on Simone, and after the Olympics she herself admitted she has a "hard time" finding new goals. Younger gymnasts deserve to push past her.

I have to disagree on several points here.

About the team not needing Ferlito. Well...if we’re talking about the period leading up to Rio, Carlotta was looking FABULOUS all year. She nailed pretty much every routine, not just beam but also bars and floor, during the Serie A meets, and she upgraded all four events BIG TIME. She consistently outscored everyone else and she looked rock solid like pretty much no one else on the Italian NT. In fact, I believe she was the only one who was a lock for Rio. She had that unfortunate and scary fall on her head in Jesolo which she recovered from and then nailed the dismount at nationals. Btw, at nationals she was second AA just behind Vanessa and she tied on BB EF with Mini for gold where they both had the same 6.0D but Mini had a .1 bonus more. And yes, in Rio she had a fall on beam. It sucked, but I’m pretty sure no one was more disappointed than she was and you can hardly blame someone for falling off beam like...it happens. All of her scores counted for the team except for floor (which she hit as well, she just had a lower D than the others). Soooooo she was absolutely needed.

About her never achieving good goals...if you mean international medals, then yes. But we can say the same thing about many, many gymnasts, and this doesn’t necessarily make them a failure. A 12th place AA in Rio is definitely not too shabby for an Italian gymnast. She scored her career-high score on bars in Rio, where she also debuted a DTY, which means that she hadn’t peaked yet which I find impressive.

About acting like the Federation “owes” her something. I don’t care about what she does or says in her private life. That said, I haven’t read anything coming from her that showed that she thinks things should be handed out to her. When she said in an interview that she was the top Italian gymnast in Rio...it can come off as her being full of herself or whatever, but like...it was the truth? She DID outscore Vanessa in the AA (she ranked 16th), if I accomplished that, I’d be proud of it too. Again, I might be missing some pieces but I. honestly. don’t. care.

About having a hard time finding new goals. That’s understandable tbh. She already made 2 olympic teams and Tokyo is 4 years away. She’s still young but she knows that gymnastics isn’t a career you can go on doing forever. I see nothing wrong with her taking a break (should she decide to take a break) and exploring other options and even taking advantage of her own “popularity”. So many other gymnasts are desperate for sponsorships and she has them, so good for her. Whether she’ll come back to gymnastics or not is her own choice. So far, she seems determined to make a comeback, in due time.

About younger gymnasts deserving to push past her. “Deserve”. What does that even mean? No one bursting with talent was ever left at home while an untalented gymnast made an important team, that’s for sure. It’s great to see younger gymnasts coming forward and having the chance to compete internationally, I’m the first to support this policy. But when it comes to important competitions like Worlds and Olympics, you obviously want to send the team with the highest scoring potential. In a field where beam was severely lacking, Carlotta outscored literally everyone else at home every freaking time, while also making a big statement for herself on all the other events. Like her or not, she wasn’t “gifted” a ticket to Rio. She was the best option. End of the story.

Not even gonna address the Simone part cause I’m so sick of this topic I stg.