#an annoying bard who's hard to hit

[mmothmanners]

@bowl-o-queerios Why it’s as easy as insane dexterity and items! Behold his nonsense:

[cavegirlpoems]

A story from back when I played D&D. It might have been 3.5 or pathfinder or fantasycraft or one of that ilk. Might even have been 4e. It was like a decade ago.

So. Standard D&D. A party of bold adventurers of diverse origins and skillsets gets together to explore a perilous dungeon and stop a cartoonish baddy. The usual.

I end up building a fairly typical character for me. A goblin Rogue/Assassin. A stealth/melee build designed to get the drop on an enemy, do a bunch of rapid damage, and then fuck off.

She was lawful evil, and firmly in the team-fortress-two-sniper school of "You know who has a lot of feelings? Men what bludgeon their wives to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards." school of being a mercenary. I think I even did an aussie accent.

Anyway her schtick was that she'd noticed 'Adventurers' got to do as much violence as they wanted without social consequences, and she loved violence! So she was gonna do a stint as an adventurer, so once she was done she could go home with a big sack of gold to spend on booze and cake and hot girls. But right now she was on the job, so she was an extremely professional team player with a strict code of conduct. Always be honest with the team, follow the plan, don't mess things up for the team, split the loot evenly. Standards.

Verna was a horrible efficient little murder gremlin who was also proudly guild-certified. * * *

Now, another PC was a chaotic neutral gnome bard who was leaning hard on the 'gnomes are amusingly racist to goblins and kobolds and think this is funny and endearing' thing. He teased Verna a bunch about being green and ugly, which she studiously ignored because - remember - she had Professional Standards.

Anyway, there was a human NPC we met that she didn't like, saying he was a bit stupid and very annoying. Our gnome bard decided it would be very funny to use one of his enchantment spells to make Verna suddenly horny for him and watch what happened.

Verna sees the gnome who keeps fucking with her walk up, wave his hands and babble some arcane nonsense, and now she has weird funny feelings she can't explain. She does some thinking and concludes that she'll pay the human for a snog later, because right now this guy's just obviously cast a spell to mess with her mind, which was Not Okay. Of course, she had Professional Standards, so...

She walks up to our gnome friend and basically informs him: "Hi! I know you just did some magical brainwashing on me, and I am not going to tolerate this! However, because we're in a team together, and I don't want this to become a problem, I am going to very generously allow you to settle the matter with me. We will have a bout of single combat to first blood, and then whoever wins I will consider the matter settled and my honour satisfied, and you won't do that again, and we won't mention it. This is a very kind offer of mine, because I have Standards; where I come from the normal response would be to say nothing and strangle you in your sleep tonight."

And our gnome, who is a spellcaster not a combatant, looks at this and decides he doesn't want to get shown up by her, and basically tells her that if she doesn't like getting messed with she can go back to the goblin village, and laughs at her.

So. Shrug. Quickdraw as a free action. I get a surprise round. You're flat footed, so it's easy to hit and I get sneak attack damage. 3/4 of his health is gone. Initiative. He says he wants to say sorry. I respond that he can say that when it gets to his initiative count, but right now it's my action and he's still flat-footed and here's my big pile of d6s for sneak attack and oh dear I think that's him on -10 hp, so he's not going to get the chance.

* * *

Anyway this kicked off a massive shitstorm ooc about how I just kicked off PvP and murdered a PC for no reason and the game fell apart because the gnome's player genuinely didn't seem to understand that 'mind control' is a hostile action. This was in the bad old days before safety tools and I was playing in a fairly neckbeardy group, so 'a man makes a woman horny against her will to humiliate her and laughs about it' was apparently not a deal-breaker while 'the woman stabs him for it' was.

I still think I wasn't the bad guy in this scenario.

There is no point to this story I just wanted to share it.

[tragedy-peanut-gallery]

Daeron ii’s family playing D&D cause I’m very bored and have too much time on my hands

(These are my silly hours so I wanted to write something a little whimsical that probably breaks canon. Idc ☺️💖)

Daeron: The Dm, uses all the old school dice and handbooks from when he and Elaena played as kids. All their preset character sheets got burned by Baelor so he spends way too much time helping everyone with their characters. Gets a little too railroad-y sometimes but makes up for it with a good story and funny voices

Myriah: Doesn’t play, but sometimes checks in to ask the kids if they “won” yet. Will occasionally do the voice of a patron or deity if she gets pestered enough

Baelor: Human oath of vengeance paladin 10000000%. Originally chose the class because he thought smite was cool but kept accidentally breaking his oath even if he was technically doing something good. He’s kinda bad at roleplaying but tries to steer everyone to make the right decisions

Aerys: High elf divination wizard. Probably spent two hours hogging all the source books in order to optimize his character to be the best spellcaster there ever was. Loves asking about every minute detail in any new room which annoys everyone- but! On the bright side, he is the best at solving every puzzle the party faces

Rhaegel: Dragonborn drakewarden ranger. Only made the character so he could be a dragon with a dragon friend, but doesn’t really roleplay or keep track of combat. Spends most of the games stacking everyone’s dice into towers, but starts paying attention when he’s finally allowed to fly his drake friend around

Maekar: Goliath beserker barbarian. When he was asked what sort of character he wanted to play he just said he “wanted to hit things really hard”. Doesn’t pay attention to roleplay at all but becomes an absolute beast in combat, the group’s master strategizer at age 6. Has probably accidentally killed a party member once (*cough* Baelor *cough*)

Daenerys: Half elf light domain cleric. Has a 10 page backstory written about her character and will take any opportunity to talk about it. Claims to prefer roleplaying and just being support but has probably dealt the most amount of damage in the party so far and has a consistent pattern of advocating for fights because it levels them up faster

+Bonus!

Shiera: Tiefling college of spirits bard. Originally wanted to play warlock but was mad about the limited spell slots so saves her evil backstory for another character. Most comitted roleplayer at the table, manages to talk the party’s way out of most of the fights Maekar and Daenerys gets them into, even though she’s like- 5, so most of her convincing ends up being “no, that’s mean >:(“

Brynden: Tiefling arcane trickster rogue. Unironically the edgiest character to be made, consistently brooding in the corner of every tavern they go into. Everyone thinks he might be a potential traitor but ends up being the biggest ride or die in the party and probably dramatically sacrifices himself to save them (Daeron writes him as actually escaping because he felt bad lol)

Daemon: Fallen aasimar oathbreaker paladin. Gives Daeron a minor aneurism when he asks if he can betray the party at some point. Otherwise a really well rounded character who only dabbles in the edginess, and puts up with everyone’s shenanigans enough to justify his ascension as the game’s bbeg

Aegor: Hates D&D. Banned from the table for calling everyone a bunch of nerds

[pretty-little-howtown]

Mimic

Astarion x Bard!Reader

Genre: fluff

Word count: 1.0k

gn reader

You arrived back at camp having finally defeated the Goblin leaders. You sat down in your tent relaxing, knowing you had limited time before the teiflings came to visit no doubt to throw a celebration party.

You sat up on your bed roll with the tent flap flowing gently in the wind. You took a deep breath holing your hand just below your rips feeling your diaphragm. You relaxed your breath with a low controlled him. You focused on you sounds you’d heard that day from the footsteps of your companions to the voices of the goblins milling about when you first entered the sanctum.

Your mind zoomed in on the most intresting voice you’ve had the pleasure of hearing since the day you met. You rescaled his quips throughout the day. There were so many tones and subtleties to his dulcet tones you couldn’t wait to unravel.

The voices of your other companions weren’t that hard to recreate. They were so easy for you to replicate you would often sit in your tent whispering things in Gale’s voice without much of a thought. You would chuckle to yourself at how easy it was to mimic their voices. To replicate their tones inside of you mind and repat things they had said while in the road of in camp.

Astarion’s however, proved to be more difficult. You had practiced night after night. You hung in the vampire’s every word hoping to crack the code. You were alway close but they was something about his voice that alluded you.

You took another deep breath this time pressing down gently on your diaphragm. You left out a slow sigh changing to pitch ever so slightly until you hit just the right note. With this in mind you tried saying one of his quips from the day, ahudsting the cadence with each word.

You prepared yourself for another fruitless attempt when you surprised yourself with how Astarion-like you had sounded. To make sure it wasn’t a fluke you picked his favourite phrase. You slowed the pace of your words replicating the rhythm and mixing it with his tone of voice.

“Hello darling,” you wrapped your lips around the words, accentuating the syllables. Making sure to draw out each one.

You paused eyes wide and mouth open. You left out a small laugh reeling from the fact you had finally gotten it right. You said it one more time just to be sure and like a child let out a few kicks of excitement.

You stood up and got out of your tent giddy and ready to make preparations for the teiflings’ arrival.

Astarion sat in the sunlight reading his book watching you rush around the camp moving things out of the way and organising the stacks of books they had collected over the last couples days.

He chuckled as he saw you uncork wines smelling them and splitting them into two groups. One was significantly smaller than the other and he had no doubt in his mind that you were keeping the best for yourself.

He’d been watching you’d do the better part of an hour, with the only mildly annoying pep in your step.

He looked back down at his book turning the page when a shadow blocked his sun. He sighed and looked up from the page only to see Gale stood in front of him. That was all it took for Astarion’s mood to sour.

“It’s lovely to hear you take some initiative,” Gale began. “I really didn’t think you would want the teifling refugees to be anywhere near our camp tonight but I stand corrected.” Astarion looked in with a slight grimace of his face.

“What on earth are you talking about?” his face twisting in disgust even further.

“Ah you may pretend now but I heard you making lists of the food that needed preparing. It’s good to see you open up to new people.” Gale walked away leave Astarion stunned. He couldn’t even begin to understand what he had just heard. Making lists? Him!

The party was in full swing as you milled about socialising with everyone who came to visit. They each give you their thanks and their gratitude. It almost flaws you. You never thought you’d be helping people in such a tangible way. You never thought you’d be adventuring on the Sword Coast wiping out goblin hoards and saving refugees.

You had to excuse yourself from your conversation with Zevlor to get yourself another drink. You wouldn’t be able to take the thanks without blurting out how surprised you even were that you managed to kill the leaders. Especially considering you had never held a sword in your life before you crash landed in the nautaloid.

You walked over to your tent grabbing the one you had stashed earlier. As you ducked out of your tent again you noticed Astarion looking intently in your direction. You walked towards him with deliberate steps occasionally glancing at the rest of the party.

When you got to his tent you greeted him, without thinking, with his favourite phrase in his exact voice. You watched shock cloud his face as he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing.

“I was going to ask why Gale believed I had been making preparation for this dull party but it seems my question has been answered.” He remarked. How were you able to do that?

You chuckled at his reaction apologising for mimicking his voice without thinking.

“I think we all know if I was planning the party things wouldn’t be so incredibly dreary.” He smirked, quick to resume his mask of emotions for you. “Tell me, how did you manage that? I’m surprised you have any magic left after today.”

You explained it was nothing to do with magic just a hidden talent of yours. You couldn’t help yourself as you finally managed to mimic his voice after trying for so long.

“Well, I would love to hear more. Perhaps later tonight, when everyone else is asleep and it will be just you and me.” Astarion smirked at the information, his plan was already falling into place and he hadn’t yet lifted a finger.

A/N: it’s 3am, I’ve only just recovered from the first migraine I’ve had in years but I had to get this out of my head. I have not proof read this and probably won’t until tomorrow evening. But either way I hope you enjoyed. I’ve just started playing the game and I’m absolutely loving it so far !

I can write 1k words of Astarion fanfic in a night but apparently 3k word of the essay I need to write for my degree eludes me.

[miraakulous-cloud-district]

WIP whenever

Hello, everyone! I know updates are very slow, but life is absolutely draining me of my writing mojo most days. But!!! I did some writing, just in time for it to still count as a WIP Wednesday! And I've been tagged by the lovelies @bostoniangirl21 and @sheirukitriesfandom Thank you very much for the tags and for keeping me motivated with them <3!!! I must say that working on ch. 17 of WYGTYA is hard because it's by far the most serious, angst-filled thing I've written so far :(((

I'll tag @dirty-bosmer @bougainvillea-and-saltwater @kiir-do-faal-rahhe @illumiera @thelavenderelf @blossom-adventures @nerevar-quote-and-star only if you want to participate, of course <3 <3 But enough rambles! I will share a bit from both fics under the cut! WYGTYA feels and banter with another appearance from that mysterious Akaviri swordsman in HOTHS! Enjoy!

Wherever you go, there you are, chapter 17:

~

The noise of the city was still dim, the people of the port already tuning in to either a night of much-needed sleep or raucous drinking at the taverns, and so the port is quiet, peaceful, the only sounds filling the air are the soothing waves of the Sea of Ghosts and the distant noises of the city ahead of them. Blacklight. Full of its magical charm and dancing lights and colourfulness. Ravonna’s steps falter because the air smells like home once again: it is not damp and moist like Black Marsh, nor is it the warm and flowery smells of Cyrodiil, nor the harsh, cold, yet fresh air of Skyrim. It smells like ash and sea salt and flavored tobacco from shishas and that distinct smell of cloth paint that Dunmer use. She can hear the faint hum of Red Mountain, the distant bards singing in taverns, the loud laughter of the people in the city and the soft, hushed giggles of sailors who cannot sleep but don’t want to wake their crew up and they’re all so frustratingly, Gods-damned oblivious to her thundering heart and the violent lightning strikes that hit her soul with each step, each breath, each second spent here again. Fuck, she should be happy, excited, but everything hurts and this bad feeling that something’s not right, that something’s missing won’t go away.

~

Hymn of the High Seas, chapter 3:

~

They settle cross-legged around the small coffee table, collectively thinking that this place was not built to host so many people. Renjiro runs outside with a spring in his step.

“Sooo… I think it’s safe to assume that this guy is a big fan of swords.” Signe speaks, earning a huff from Rhaim and a knowing smile from Arvyvel. 

“That makes two of us.” Rhaim says.

“Really? I always figured you'd be more of a -” she stops to gesticulate clawing and eating an enemy in beast form, “- kind of person, ya know?” 

He looks at her for a moment before bursting into deep, earth-grumbling laughter. “Careful, you might scare away our future crewmates.”

“Me? I’m absolutely elated.” Arvyvel says.

“And I still haven’t agreed to anything! I’m not going on some suicide mission!” Marc says, annoyed.

“Fine by me. We don’t need you anyway. Don’t need your kind among us.” Rhaim flares his nostrils and breathes out aggressively.

Before Marc can say anything back, a loud, obnoxious cough interrupts them.

“I’m sorry, gentlemen, but I have to interrupt the tense moment. No fighting in this house.” Renjiro says, making his way to the table with two bottles of fresh sake. He tries to keep his calm demeanor and shove down the thoughts of ‘Yoshi will kill me if I made a mess in his absence.’

The men stop, not before glaring menacingly at each other one last time. Rhaim doesn’t like traitorous bastards and he could smell this guy’s traitorous bastard-ness from miles away. He scoots closer to Marc, turning his back to him and making Room for Renjiro between him and Signe. His eyes light up at the bottle of alcohol. The swordsman lays out five small glasses and fills them. Rhaim takes it quickly, his patience running out, taking a sip and closing his eyes to really feel the taste on his tongue, going down his throat. A pleasure grunt escapes him. It’s unlike anything he’s ever tasted: strong, but not too strong. Balanced, a cascade of flavors – a harmonious blend of sweet and dry alcohol warming his chest and his spirit.

“Fuck.” He breathes, opening his eyes, only to see everyone looking at him, with their glasses halfway up in a toast. He raises an eyebrow.

“Ye need a moment alone with that glass of booze?” Signe smirks.

~

Author's note: I could and probably *will* expand on the feelings of drinking sake because I literally found my new favourite drink in the year of our lord 2024.

[pikahlua]

Hi Pika ☺️ Thanks for the translations and analyses 🫂 this is pallate cleanser ask hopefully lol. I think you said you played ffxiv so what do you think Katsuki would play as if he did? And what kind of playstyle would suit him best? (achiev hunting for example)

Any other student headcanons you'd like to share are appreciated too 😌

Katsuki Bakugou certainly has the god complex for a Healer, and he's believable as a big numbers DPS, but given his penchant for taunting, instinctive battle strategizing, insistence on leading his party from out in front, propensity for taking hits for others, and physical advantage in wars of attrition, I declare Katsuki Bakugou is in fact a Tank main (who had an annoying Machinist phase on the side at some point because artillery explosions go brrrrrrrrrrr).

Aesthetically, we all know Katsuki's going for a male Au Ra Dark Knight or Reaper. Gunbreaker is a permissible alternative. It's hard to choose anything but Dark Knight for him given the Living Dead ability where dying literally makes him invulnerable. 😂 And he'd spend any duty bossing the healers around so they don't fuck with his skill set.

That said, given the breadth of his character development, it seems by the time he reaches his second year of high school Katsuki will dabble in Paladin and become a reliable carry and support.

Play style? Katsuki plays PvP guaranteed. And he races for worldwide first clear of newly released Ultimates. Whatever is the most competitive shit, Katsuki's doing it and kicking ass (unlike me, as I'm a filthy casual who doesn't really know what I'm talking about even by saying this much).

Katsuki eventually gets into Fisher after he discovers he's a masochist.

Other characters?

Izuku (male Viera) mains either Ninja (for the nerdy complexity) or Dragoon (for the self-destructive tendencies).

Ochako (female Lalafell) is a crafter main who's milking the marketboard for all the gil she can get.

Shouto (male Hyur) is a really bad Black Mage main.

Iida is a mentor who never turns off Shout in the chatbox.

Kirishima mains Warrior.

Tokoyami mains Reaper.

Kouda mains Summoner.

Satou mains Culinarian/Gatherer.

Ojiro is a Monk who does MSQ only.

Hagakure knows all the ins and outs of the free trial version.

Mina mains Dancer and knows glamour is the endgame.

Mineta just ERPs as a female Viera and uses mods.

Aoyama mains Red Mage and uses Verblind every chance he gets.

Momo has max leveled all her roles and runs the class' Free Company.

Jirou joins a Bard Discord, hangs out exclusively in clubs, and AFKs in the Limsa Lominsa aetheryte plaza.

Shouji is a male Hrothgar who absolutely slays at everything he does, as Hrothgars are wont to do.

Tsuyu is a FemRoe.

Kaminari is also a FemRoe. He spends real money to buy Fantasia potions.

Sero mains Blue Mage.

[whittlewitchypoo]

Geralt takes a surprisingly long time to notice the more unnatural parts of his companion. He’s always seen Jask as annoying but strangely commendable, both obnoxious and calming at once. Geralt doesn’t remember how old he is, just that he’s watched his few human friends grow old and wither and if he’s lucky, he’s been able to know where they were buried. He knows he should of notice how Jask doesn’t really age, his hair grows and his body scars, but his eyes are always bright and his skin smooth. It’s not until he’s talking to Yen about him that she wonders allowed how he’s still so young and if he made some kind of deal to keep his youth that he realises that, by Geralts estimate, Jaskier should be in his later eighties by then. He manages to recall that the bard had once claimed to of had an elven ancestor and that could be the cause, but it’s hard to focus on that when an overwhelming realisation hits him. The only reason he had never fully let Jask in, why he never let himself devote what life he could to the man, was because he assumed he would die long before Geralt. The fact that he could of wasted years of his life not spending time loving and praising the man who reminded him that his heart still beat… luckily for him, Jask was willing to wait.

[vossn]

fae/iris: 1, 5, 27, 39, 72, 94

veritas/alastair: 41, 48, 51, 62, 72, 89, 90

:>

Veterans discount for Niko! Buckle up.

Who fell first? Who fell harder? Iris falls first, because she's been in love before and knows what it looks like, so she recognizes the crush when it creeps in and doesn't bother resisting it. Fae doesn't, and when the realization settles in, it hits them like a truck and they fall HARD.

5. What is something they like to do together? Quiet mornings, talk, drink gahwa, paint, pick herbs, garden, read in silence, bathe, annoy the others by being in love.

27. Who tends to drive on long journeys? Who navigates? Fae would give top-tier navigation but Iris drives a bit more reckless and gives very entertaining road rage, so if you want to get there safe and quiet let Fae drive, if you want to get there fast, let Iris behind the wheel and hold on for dear life.

39. Do they dance? If so, who's better? They dooo <3 Iris is better because she actually knows how to (folk dances), Fae had to learn when the team began infiltrating the high society, but is still a bit stiff. Iris puts her whole heart in, and you can tell.

72. If someone flirted with or showed an interest in their S/O, how would the other react? Fae: Trusts her enough to reject them herself, but is also considering threatening them (as a treat) inside their head. Iris: Trying really hard to explode them with her mind (might work)

94. Their pet has caused destruction. Who puts the pet in jail? Who defends the pet? Fae puts it in air jail, Iris insists it is just a little baby and wrongfully convicted. ___

41. Who sings to the other? Are they any good? Veritas has sung to Alistair when he'd gotten injured or sick, and she's a bard after all, so she's pretty good. It is one of the few focal memories he keeps of her. Alistair sings or hums when closing down the bar, but not to her.

48. If they ever had less that 5 mins to tell their S/O something before never seeing them again, what would they say? This changes throughout the book of course, the main one always being - "I am sorry." And what else is there - they both know what they had, but they will never be able to say it out loud. It doesn't matter if they see each other again or every day. Some things just can't be.

51. Are there any characters who ship them? Everyone kind of does and also doesn't. Iris knows they are not good for one another but doesn't want to say it. Fae is oblivious at first and then too interested to see where it is going, but also has bigger fish to fight all of the time. No one else gets even remotely close enough to witness the garbage fire that is those two.

62. How would outside characters describe their relationship? complicated, undefined, strange, whatever the opposite of respectful is, longing.

72. If someone flirted with or showed an interest in their S/O, how would the other react? Pretend not to care, which is a lie. Alastair would swallow it down but stew on it, Veritas would begin to make cutting remarks. Both would secretly enjoy seeing the other jealous.

89. Would they ever consider marriage? Gods, fuck no.

90. Would they ever consider starting a family? Sometimes you start a family, sometimes the family starts you.. but no, after the acts of Book 2 its pretty clear that there's no end in which they can exist together. Separately, Veritas might, but Alistair very much is not interested in procreating.

[cococowboah]

Blood Rush Chapter 2

originally this series was called Urges but that was just, meh, it felt too obvious.

I'm wayyyy happier with this chapter though so I'm posting it here because I cannot be stopped.

Spoilers for Dark Urge from Act 1, and depictions of blood, gore, character death, some sexy vampire antics.

It can be read entirely separate from Chapter 1, the story itself hasn't picked up much yet, I'm kinda just having fun with it for now.

Enjoy!

---

I killed her.

I don't know why I killed her. I don't even know how.

I don't remember doing it at all.

But she was dead. The innocent little tiefling bard was dead.

Her eyes gouged out from her skull, her face eternally frozen in a terrified scream of pain.

I must have ripped her tongue out and let her mouth pool with blood so that she wouldn't wake the others while I evoked my wrath. Perhaps I ripped out her eyes so she wouldn't have known the betrayal of a man she once viewed as her savior and friend.

Did I enjoy it? I can't say. Perhaps it was an act of mercy, she could be with her teacher now. Perhaps I was fooling myself into thinking I was at all capable of mercy, no matter what it looked like.

I smiled, maybe from the adrenaline rush fading away, maybe from being thankful it was her and not someone more useful to the group, maybe from being a sick bastard who found pleasure in the agony of others.

I looked down at myself, on my hands appeared gloves made of blood and shredded flesh. Mixed with the brown freckles on my bare chest were the tiniest dashes of thick shimmering red, some of them dry to the touch, the larger splotches were still runny and pungent.

I heard bootsteps from behind me, I turned, just to see his darling face moving closer, his crimson eyes investigating the kill.

"Was her singing really that bad?" He crossed his arms and mocked disappointment. Something told me he didn't find this nearly as disturbing as the others would.

"I don't remember a thing. I have no idea why I did it."

"This is almost as bad as the time you took off the hand of the man who was stuck in the portal."

"Almost?" I stopped myself from chuckling. "This seems infinitely worse."

"Well at least you might've had a reason for killing Alfira. You had no reason to rip off an unknown man's hand."

"What reason would I have for killing Alfira?"

"She annoyed you." He shrugged. "Reason enough."

"Reason enough to murder her?"

"Well what's done is done, you can't fix this. May as well just revel in the fact that it was a clean kill. She didn't suffer." He looked at the body and nodded his head, correcting himself. "Not for very long at least."

"I can't just leave her here. May as well find a spot to bury her."

"I'll join you. I've hidden my fair share of bodies back in the day."

I raised an eyebrow at that. "You have?"

"Well, fantasized about it at least. Most of the people I've killed didn't deserve a burial."

I leaned down and lifted the still warm corpse from the ground. "But they deserved their deaths, I'm sure?" 

"More than Alfira deserved hers, darling." He walked over to a pile of supplies we had laid up under a tree and grabbed a shovel, an undeniable smirk on his face as he made his way back to me then took lead in front.

Our camp seemed decently secluded, so as long as we got her far enough away that nobody could wake up and see us digging a hole, we'd be fine.

"Right up there should be good, behind the mound."

I put down the body with apparently more respect than I gave it in life, for what reason I didn't know. But I made sure her head didn't hit the ground too hard, and that her body was laying down before I took my hands away and stood up.

Astarion handed me the shovel the moment my hands were free, wiping his hands of the dirt on the handle once it was out of his grasp.

"You wouldn't like to do the honors?"

"I have the most important job here: lookout." He turned his face towards camp and quickly scanned the area. "And thankfully that's a job that doesn't require me to get my hands dirty."

"Right, because your hands are squeaky clean after offering to help me bury a body, right?"

"I can deal with blood on my hands. Dirt, no thank you."

I gave out a stifled laugh while making the first incision in the ground, pushed my foot against the spade and tossed the resulting earth to the side. I looked at him once I had a rhythm going, his body stilled in the night while he held his arms crossed and kept his eyes, not on the landscape to scope out would-be tattlers, but on Alfira herself.

Or at least, her body.

"Do you think you enjoyed it?" He asked solemnly. 

"Some part of me hopes I did, for the sake of her death not being entirely pointless. The other part of me hopes I didn't."

"Maybe it was self defense." He looked at me. "Maybe she tried to sing to you in the middle of the night."

"She really wasn't that bad."

"It still won't be something you'll miss about her."

"Barely knew the girl to begin with. We might've gotten on just fine."

"Yes, yes, and you might've made her death a little less bloody as a result of that blossoming friendship , right?"

"Well, maybe."

"So when can I expect your thumbs in my eyes? I do ask that you take care not to make my corpse as ghastly as our tiefling friend here."

"With any luck, I won't kill you at all."

"Then who else? Will it be Wyll? Shadowheart? At least wake me up before you do the deed so I can take a bite before helping you bury the next body."

"With all due respect, you're not doing much to help."

"Well nobody knows you're out here burying a body except for me, so I'd say I'm doing a good job."

That cheeky grin of his again. Even while knee deep in a grave, his face still made me swoon.

Swoon, had I ever swooned before? My murderous tendencies seemed to evoke either complete blackouts or vague memories, but this fluttery feeling in my chest was completely unfamiliar to me.

I enjoyed it. Perhaps more than I enjoyed killing.

"Alright, this seems deep enough." I made a step out of the grave, lifted the girl into my arms again, and took one final look at her peaceful corpse before returning to her final bed and laying her down within it.

"What happened to her lute?"

"Her what?"

"Her lute. The instrument she played, what did you do with it?"

I rubbed the back of my head, I didn't even know how or why I killed her and he's expecting me to know where her lute is?

"No idea."

"What if someone finds it? If you want to play off that she just left to go back home, you don't want her lute laying around."

"Well, we'll find it back at camp and, Idunno, burn it."

"Burn it? Why not just bury it with her?"

"Because then we'd have to go back to camp, find the damn thing, then come all the way back here and then fill in the grave."

"Well what, she's not going to go anywhere. I'm sure the lute isn't far from where you murdered her."

"Why does it matter? Why can't we just fill in the grave and then find the lute and dispose of it?"

"Well what if someone in camp wakes up and finds you burning Alfira's lute?!"

"Nobody woke up when I killed her."

"I did!"

"You woke up while I killed her? Not after?"

"I watched you do the whole bloody thing!"

"And you didn't stop me?"

He shook his head and rolled his eyes at me. "It might surprise you that when I awaken to a man twice my size ripping out a girl's tongue in the middle of the night my first reaction isn't to charge into the middle of it to stop him."

"You could've alerted the others."

"And they would've killed you ."

"So, you just watched me kill a girl in cold blood and didn't do anything until it was over with?"

"Well, it was a fun show if anything."

"And that would've been your reaction if you caught anyone in camp doing the same?"

"Perhaps. Perhaps I was a little liberal with it being you."

My heart skipped a beat at the thought. Did he let me get away with murder because he liked me? Or was I picking up on an insinuation that wasn't there?

"How'd I do it, then?"

"What, you want a recap?"

"I just wanna know some details. Maybe it can prevent another blackout if I end up remembering anything."

He smiled and lifted a finger. "It was grisly. Passionate even." He walked in front of me and rubbed at his chin as he recalled the event. "I didn't catch the beginning of course, but I woke up to the sound of a struggle. I turned to you, and there you were, one hand on her neck holding her off the ground and the other halfway down her throat. You pulled back and out with your fist came a bright red dripping tongue."

I couldn't do much to remember it, but I visualized his words in my mind.

He turned around to see my face, he was smiling like a devil.

"What?"

"I have an idea." He walked up to me, held my face in his hands, and closed his eyes.

With a shiver from his touch and just a moment more, we were linked. I saw myself from his point of view, his hazy eyes darting around in search of the sound of the whimper and scuffle. And then I saw myself, a beast, a monster, holding an innocent life in my hands and ripping her tongue out. Her blood splattered against my face, and I smiled as she gurgled and drowned in her own blood.

He was right. She didn't suffer long.

It looked like she was already dead by the time I dropped her body by the fire, crouched down on top of her and squashed her pretty black eyes between my fingers.

I could see it all, everything he saw. But I could feel what he felt too in that moment.

Excitement. His skin tingling at the sight, his mouth curved into a lascivious smile, his tongue aching for just a drip of the blood off the corpse before it went cold.

It was a stones toss from him getting off on the sight. He didn't just want to save his own skin nor mine, he loved watching me kill her.

I opened my eyes and he snapped back as well, smiling as he took a step behind and returned his hands to his sides.

"I suppose you know my secret now." He looked almost ashamed. I assumed it was from all those shaky, bated breaths he had taken while watching me murder an innocent woman.

"Thought we were gonna stop keeping secrets after the vampire thing. When were you planning on telling me you're a sadist?"

"Oh please. You were hot and bothered killing her too. Besides, that's not the secret I was talking about."

"Well, what's the secret then?"

"Are you dense? You didn't feel it?"

"Feel…?"

He sighed and crossed his arms in frustration. "Nevermind."

"No, tell me. No secrets, remember?"

"I can't…" He hummed, seethed through his teeth, he clearly didn't want to say it. "I can't get a, you know."

"Can't get what?"

"Erection! I can't get an erection!"

"Oh." Now that I didn't know.

"No blood flow, and, well, there you go. But it's not like I don't want to ."

"So, can you still, get there ?"

He shrugged. "With the right stimulation, sometimes. But it's few and far between."

"Oh." I couldn't say I fully understood what he meant, though I had a few ideas. "So, seeing me kill turned you on?"

"As much as I could be. The rush I felt seeing you in your element, it was, exhilarating."

"Was it… because it was me?"

"One part, perhaps." He moved with grace towards me. Even when he was clearly nervous, he carried himself with such elegance. "You're a handsome devil, surely you know that."

My face flushed with heat as he got closer. There was desire in those devious eyes of his, desire for me, I could feel it.

He connected with me again, speaking to me with his lips perfectly still. "Tell me what you think of me."

My eyes widened. I spoke to him, as openly as I could muster, with my words, not my thoughts. "I think you're beautiful."

"More." He whispered to my mind again.

"You're a breathtaking sight to behold. You're elegant, charming, hypnotic. I've never seen anything or anyone nearly as stunning as you."

"Show me."

"Show you what?"

"Show me how attractive you find me."

I paused. "How?"

He laughed. "God, you're a fool." He walked closer and touched my skin, feeling up the skin on my chest until he pressed his palm to my heart, and leaned in to listen to it.

I held him back with one hand, my fingers aching to touch his hair, caress his perfect scalp. I could feel him breathe against me and heard my own heart racing in his ear, thuthumthuthum . Pumping faster as his hand dropped lower, caressing the front of my trousers and giving a gentle squeeze to the growth there.

He pulled away. Still smiling.

"Maybe you do like me."

I swallowed and shook my head back into focusing on the situation at hand. "We should finish up here and get to bed."

"Yes, we should." His face was as close to mine as he could manage without pulling me down to his level or standing up on the tips of his toes. It almost felt immoral; him looking up to me. I should be the one looking up at him, preferably from on my knees.

Godsdamnit, what was this pull he had? Did he know how badly I desired to worship him, his body, how much I wanted to pleasure him until he cried?

Without thinking, my hands came to rest on his hips, and suddenly my mind was fogged with the red lust in his eyes.

He wanted something.

I knew exactly what.

I turned away and presented my neck to him, and he lunged for me like a snake striking at prey. Within an instant his teeth had pierced my skin, his hands holding my neck steady as we dropped to the ground and he hungrily lapped up the outpouring of heated fluid from my veins.

I sucked through my teeth and winced from the pain, from the pleasure. It hurt like hell, it stung, it ached, but every tremble of his teeth reopening the wound as my body fought to close the flow gave way to tingles erupting under my skin.

Giving him this, being the blood that nourished him, it was the most gratifying feeling I ever endured.

If all I'd ever be was his blood bank, his personal cow, a slave to his hunger, I could be happy with that.

" F-uUck." I let out under my breath, and I heard that giggle of his in my ear before he nipped it teasingly.

"You're a submissive little pet, aren't you?"

Your pet, yes! I'll be your pet, I'll be anything you want me to be!

"I'll be anything for you." I let out, breathlessly, not even thinking about what I was saying before I said it.

"Anything?" He straightened up and looked me in the eyes. I didn't even realize he was straddling me. He was dominating me, knocking me down to the level I needed to be, anything he wanted from me, it was his.

And he knew it.

"Anything."

He held my face tightly in his hands, a thumb caressing over my lips until I opened them. His finger passed over next, touching my teeth, forcing its way into my mouth and tickling the tip of my tongue.

I suckled on it. He moaned.

He returned to my neck, biting the other side this time, a fresh opening just for him.

His finger turned to two as he thrust them in and out of my mouth, sucking at my blood like a teet while he pleasured his fingertips with my warmth. I held the back of his head with my hand, the temptation to grab it and bite him back almost being as overwhelming as every other sensation I was enduring.

With my other hand, I held his back gently, rubbing circles with my thumb over the fabric on his skin, desiring little more than to feel his bare flesh against mine.

Just as the dark fog had begun clouding my vision and making my head empty and droopy, he pulled away, giving his notorious few licks of the remainder before looking in my eyes and pulling his fingers from my mouth.

"You're such a good pet, aren't you, dear?"

I could hardly respond. The only blood left in my body was pooled in my crotch, I had no power left for forming sentences.

"Oh dear. Did I take too much?"

I nodded, but even the gentlest movement of my head made me feel like I was riding a bucking bull.

"Stay here, I'll be back." He lifted himself off me and faded from my vision.

I blacked out for the second time that night, coming to with my head throbbing and my body cold against the dirt below me. I looked to the side to see the grave I had dug earlier, completely filled, a shovel planted in the soil and standing upright.

I closed my tired eyes and moved a bit. I realized my head, though sore and pounding, was laying on something soft and inviting. I reached up and felt fabric, soft cotton and leather wrapped around tender logs of flesh.

A lap?

I opened my eyes again, and saw that pale face looking down at me.

"Good, you're still alive."

"For now." I managed to spew out.

"Drink this." He put a glass bottle to my lips and began to pour once I opened my mouth. I don't know what I was expecting him to pour into my mouth, but I was relieved to find it was water.

My throat was dry and the cooling liquid was refreshing beyond belief. I still felt lightheaded and sick, but better.

It didn't matter. A few moments of terrifyingly beautiful pleasure for maybe a few hours of pain and discomfort, it was worth it.

"I brought you some stew from camp too." He caressed my face before putting the bottle aside and helping me raise back up into sitting. This headache was the worst I've ever felt, an endless pounding throb, challenging even my ability to ignore pain.

"Eat." He was forcing a spoonful of meat and veggies into my face. I took the bite, despite the nausea. "Now, as heartwarming as it is that you'd let me quite literally bleed you dry without contest, we should probably get a safe word set up, shall we?"

"How about 'stop,' that good?"

"Well stop is no fun because you might say stop when you really mean 'keep going.'"

"Why would I say stop if I didn't mean stop ?"

"Well if you don't want to play with a little teasing, fine. I'll stop if you tell me to."

"Glad we could come to an agreement."

"Me too. I don't want to say I was concerned for you but, I was. I hope there are no hard feelings between you and I."

"Let me guess, getting your hands dirty and filling in the grave is your way of saying 'I'm sorry,' right?"

"Oh thank God you noticed because I was moments away from bringing it up myself."

I gave out a hardy laugh, despite the pain in my skull throbbing with every breath. I looked at him and there was a moment of pure joy between us, an afterglow perhaps. Being with him after what we just did, the pleasure we both undeniably took part in, it felt special to me.

"This was nice. Whatever that was earlier, it was nice."

"Well, guess you could call it a 'feeding session' if anything."

"Was it… sex?"

He paused, lifted a brow, smiled and guffawed in perfect order. He hit his leg in the fit of laughter, the lines of his face prominent in the moonlight, his fangs barred in foolish delight.

He rested a hand on my thigh and squeezed it. "You really are a virgin, aren't you?"

"I told you I have no memories of my past."

"But asking if some biting and fooling around was sex? Surely you at least know there's more intricacies than that to fucking."

"What would it have had to entail then?"

"Well, you didn't get there, and I didn't get there, and there were no attempts at getting there for either of us, so it wasn't sex. Case closed."

"Well, what if I did?"

"Did you?"

"No, but if I did. Would it have been sex?"

He visibly gave up and shrugged. "I guess if you got there, fine, you could call it sex. But if you can get there from a little pain and finger sucking well, we're going to have tons of fun together in the future."

"Good to know, I suppose."

"Now, finish up this stew and get to bed." He patted my thigh, his hand still resting there even with the latest acknowledgement. "Don't need you all dazed and sick tomorrow. You're a big dumb brute as it is."

"If I were any smarter or smaller you wouldn't get nearly as much of a meal out of me though."

"Good point, even for you."

That final glance at each other in the moonlight had me set, wondering what we were, what we could become.

Lovers, spouses, master and slave, something less, something more.

I didn't know.

But I found it hard to say I didn't care.

[dysaniadisorder]

In regards to the "paladins and bards are at their core xyz", I'd love to hear your opinions on the rest of the classes as I struggle to have individual options about things and my ideas about classes are just a chaotic collage of things I've seen and read which can lead me to only being able to think of common tropes.

And I like having a springboard to come up with other ideas especially cos I'm coming up with a DnD PC and I liked what you were putting down.

yeah ofc !! to be fair i get a lot of my thoughts on dnd classes through d20 because they have so many cool genre twists (warlock pacts being marriage pacts, a druid whos a total stoner & environmental activist) but generally i just think people have kind of small minded ideas about dnd classes?

ive noticed something strange which is. weirdly enough, people who dont know almost anything about dnd are likely to have some of the most fun campaigns. and i think its because they dont have an already preconceived notion of like... what a wizard can and cant be, what a barbarian can and cant be, ect

subclasses are some of my favorite things in the WORLD and i think they contribute sooo much to the character. Like- yeah, Barbarian has Berserker or whatever, but theres also a subclass that can make you summon wind and snow, theres a subclass that gives you animal traits, theres a subclass that connects you to giants and makes you huge, theres even a wild magic barbarian subclass !!!

and i think adding that one more level of depth to a class just breaks way to a billion other ideas- i have a friend right now writing a character whos family are total hippies, and hes kind of a skater kid, but hes a cleric of peace.

the stereotypes are SO frustrating because no ones having fun anymore, and suddenly you have a dozen elf wizards who are tall and quiet and elegant, and suddenly you have a dozen half orc barbarians who hit hard and dont like having friends. I currently play an Artificer Alchemist, largely acclaimed to be thee most boring class, and theyre fun as hell. i cant do much but what i can do has helped me & the party immensly. my friends and i found charts of all the least popular classes & subclasses, and all the ones least used were cool as hell.

i currently have so many ideas for characters its not even funny !!! my favorite is a cleric who doesnt know theyre actually a warlock. not to mention- theres plenty chance a warlock was some other class before they were a warlock. i love in The Seven, Sam Nightingale has some Bard levels because she was a tv show star and had to take some Bard training because of the program. and like,, yeah! Bards that are not just about music but other points of charisma, honestly you could probably make a Bard politician crazy easily.

to be honest while i said passion is at the core of paladins and bards i think passion may just be at the center of all of them, but it could easily Not Be. Barbarians who hate being angry and struggle with it, Clerics who struggle with their religion (these are both d20 tropes), Monks have all SORTS of junk that I love,, look. when it comes down to it the stereotypes arent bad, they just end up making fairly 2d or boring characters most of the time, which they dont have to. alot of the (annoying) comments on that post are people talking about their characters that ARE this or that stereotype, and thats fine, they clearly love their character and it sounds like they do all sorts of fun stuff with them. but they can do sooo muuuuch moooore

i fun exercise thing i like to do is take characters from other things, either my own or a tv show or game or something and try to spec them as a dnd character. its incredibly fun

my personal favorite classes are Druids and Monks, especially bc i think Monks dont get enough love (also Druids are kind of overpowered) and multiclassing is also so so fuckign fun. my best advice is just like. i dont know. think outside the box & try to be weird about it. i had a friend with a character who was a barbarian bc he had anger issues, but his passion was in food, and as such he was literally a cleric of food. he would level up his classes based on how he had acted in the time sicne he last leveled up and it was always fairly sad when he'd gain a level of barbarian because he didnt want it. i hope this all helps i really love dnd classes

[moondustocean]

OC/PC Masterpost because there are many of them and I love talking about them c:

First things first: my canon run is always a bit chaotic, I try not to reload and only go for the choices the character I roleplay would make. That's how I get the most fun out of RPGs c: (I had a hard time falling in love with Inky and when I finally found a canon one he chose the opposite of anything I'd have done.)

• Cyberpunk | V - the one who deserved better

only got a bit cyberware installed after the voodoos betrayed him - is a beast anyway | canon ending: the tower | 2079 is like waking up from a bad trip and all the guilt hits him at once | he's a fixer now and tries to make NC his city

• Dragon Age (I need to make a "collage" for my DAO babies and Hawke as well someday. I haven't posted about any of them yet, so no links for now.)

Meena: canon HOF | dwarven commoner | rogue | sacrificed herself because she didn't really understand magic and wasn't sure if she could trust Morrigan's ritual | was a warden with all her heart

Diem: elf | circle mage | used to despise blood magic but ended up taking advantage of it anyway to save his friends | travels the world and looks for a cure at the moment

Kiwa: warden commander | human | rogue | took Anders in after he fled from Kirkwall | gives wine evenings at the warden's keep

Hawke: mage | purple | I went with canon male Hawke bc I played DAI first and instantly fell in love with him. He's in the fade rn ._. I hate my Inky sometimes.

Feodore: the inquisitor | human | mage | made everyone believe he's the herald of andraste because he liked the attention that came with it | was an arrogant idiot until he saw the future | most of his decisions were based on his hunger for wisdom | loves forging

Vi'Alla: elf | mage | got adopted by an old couple when she was one | was on the run from the templars but ended up in a circle for two years until she was sent to the conclave | has a thick accent

Yumaí: dwarf | rogue | if there are potions missing in Skyhold she has them | Sera will probably follow Yumaí around when she joins the wardens because she distrusts them and loves Yumaí so much

Ha'Jae: elf | rogue | lost one of his twelve cousins at the conclave, and wanted to avenge them so badly that he joined the Inquisition, even though he dislikes everyone but the dalish

• Baldur's Gate 3

Sandalion: half-elf | rogue | chaotic good | was an adrenaline junkie and did everything to get a kick | he slowly became somekind of "hero" who still stole from everyone around him | leads the Guild now

Cyanahara: high-elf | bard/babarian | chaotic neutral | is a "if you want something to be done right do it yourself" - person | Sandalion just needs to breathe and Hara is annoyed by him

Osha: tiefling | druid | lawful good | would do about anything to avoid fights | loves to adopt random stuff - pets, strangers, plants | is extremely glad about being a druid

• Mass Effect I'm not going to share much about my Shepard online bc he's my dearest PC.

earthborn | soldier | ace | clean for 15 years now | stone-cold until he "died" in ME2 and slowly learned to feel and function like a normal human being again. "Oh no! by Mariana and the Diamonds" is the best way to descripe my man.

[umihoshi]

My fave nat 20 moments (part 1)

our team was in a big town. one of our friends had died and we were there to report it to his parents. My human monk feral daughter liked him a lot, so she wasn't in a great mood. the town had this shady district, and our dumbass warlock tiefling, stranger to the world, got curious and went over there. On the edge of the shady district, there was a kobold. he was pretty creepy and pushy, trying to sell our warlock drugs. She was creeped out and fled. My monk followed to get her princess ass back, passed the same kobold, got annoyed with him, but passed him in favor of finding out lost princess.

returning back there with said warlock, we once again saw the kobold, our DM doing some skit of how annoying this guy was. Warlock girl was scared of him, so my monk about had it. some days before, our now dead friend was chased by guards and we had to hide him. my monk has an 11 charisma, so despite believing she might, seduction failed on both the guys. Hurt in her pride, she took some potatoes from a barrel and tossed them at the guards. in this process, she stashed some potatoes in her bag.

So there my monk was, a creepy drugseller, a scared best friend, tired of a long day angsting in our dramatic campaign. so naturally, she took out a potato and threw it at the kobold to make him back off.... 'roll to hit', our DM said. 'Nat 20', I replied in bafflement to waste a 20 on some street kobold.

the kobold was bleeding from the head. mad as hell. called out his gang of fellow street kobolds to fight us. We were just with the 2 of us, level 3, she had just gotten her astral arms. inexperienced players, we didn't really know how to go about these random battles yet. So we killed the reinforcement kobolds (something I found out later would be our modus operati. our warlock is now known as the child killer) Drug kobold escaped, we thought we'd seen the last of him.

I kinda apologized to the team for my nat 20, having started a fight like that. and the session went on. Some time later, my monk was walking around town with our new bard/warlock human/tiefling (yes, that's one person. his previous character died at level 2 and so he wanted to make the DM suffer... (we get rly attached to our characters, really fast, really easy)) DM asks the 2 of us to throw a random perception. we both suck. Before we know it, we're both surrounded in a surprise attack by like 6 kobolds. we both go K.O., get kidnapped, the rest has to come safe us. in the kobold hide out, stuff was dark, so some had disadvantage on attacks and we really had to fight hard to survive. more kobolds died. drug kobold escaped again.

MONTHS LATER, a friend of ours joined the campaign, playing a cute little paladin...... a kobold paladin OuO and we found out that he was the brother of drug kobold (drug kobold's name was now Sticks) Finding it hilarious that he had become part of someone's background now, we moved on. EVEN LATER, we find out that our dear little drugselling tramp Sticks had joined the villains organization... worked his way up to high ranks... and was very much out for our lives, even if it included his baby brother..... BECAUSE I HAD THROWN A POTATO TOO HARD!! (and consequently murdered out his gang, but who's keeping track, really?)

So next time you decide to swing a potato at some enemy, do consider: am I prepared for this random field battle to become my lifelong nemesis?

[fsanyadarkpaw]

Just figured I might start fact dropping because I'm in the mood

Autumn Neverwinter here!!!

She's a tiefling bard from a very noble family who lost almost all their wealth and power and only have the cool name now. They may have ties to the city of Neverwinter, but currently live in the Upper city of Baldur's Gate, and have been there for at least a couple of generations. Autumn doesn't really know shit about the dealings of her family, only that her father lost all the money due to being too honest in a place where it's not exactly a smart decision. But at least he has a reputation of a man of honour.

Autumn still remembers the time when had money and status but her tiefling blood, the whole story about her father's marriage and their familiar reputation is what always made her a black sheep in the noble society, no matter how hard she tried to fit in. She learned everything a lady should: music, magic, poetry, literature. She bit her tongue for years, knowing that she could not afford provoking others, who had much more power than her. She took all the trends, the fashion, the mannerisms of the people around her and it made her sick.

The tadpole ruined her day-to-day life, leaving her completely terrified of everything around her, but also set her free. She could finally do the things that she enjoyed and she experimented with that freedom: she lied, she fought, she teased and bickered. She changed her lyre for a lute to hit people in the faces AS SHE ALWAYS WANTED. Her closest companions were Shadowheart and Astarion, so for QUITE A WHILE she tried to copy them in order to adapt to this whole reality. Meeting other tieflings in the Grove and befriending Karlach actually were the milestones of her finally getting the idea of what she truly wants and needs and likes. Little by little she stopped her havoc rampage and embraced herself. Instead of escaping, trying to find and easy path, she decided to try carving her own way.

Her journey of discovering her own freedom and wants was also mirrored by Astarion. It was what helped them grow closer, despite both of them being deceitful fuckers. That, and also their chaotic nature, sharp tongues and a shared trauma. They enjoy a good banter, cuddle into sleep.

Aside from singing and playing the instruments, she really likes collecting horrible puns and annoying the shit our of her companions. She also really liked embroidery, although she has an attention spam of a goldfish and literally cannot do the same task for more than thirty minutes. I mean, she still does it... Just conjures the needle to do it while she does other stuff (like reading a shitty smutty novel she found out loud to the whole camp playing out all the multiple voices herself)

Tav thread???  I wanna see em all.

• Tav name/pic

• Race

• Class

• Backstory

• Personality

• Who they're romancing

• An interesting hobby they have

[mrfancyfoot]

Plots & Prosody: Requests Open!

Raphael x Evie (f!"human"OC) | Rating: E/varied

With the nature of Plots & Prosody being a more 'slice of life' series interspersed with drabbles and snapshots, I am quite happy to consider requests!

ETA: this post works in general for Patchwork Plots, as well. Astarion x Evie (f!"human"OC) | Rating: E/varied

Just hit the Ask button on my page. :)

Depending on timing, I may throw fills up on Tumblr first since Prosody will be divided by game events, post-game events/once Raphael has the Crown of Karsus, and after they're together (there's a vague overarching plot). Smut won't happen until later in the series once they're together, but I'm still open to writing and posting it for Tumblr before then.

I'll write most things as long as they fit the general characterizations and my universe for Prosody, which is fairly broad and detailed some below (feel free to inquire!). Depending on the request, I may stick with feminine pronouns/parts or write with gender neutral terms.

There are spoilers below for those who may be reading Prosody.

.

Raphael x Evie (f!"human"OC) | Rating: E/varied

(These lists are non-exhaustive)

Things I love:

Worldbuilding and exposition

Domestic fluff

Slice of Life

Weird/unusual topics

Will Write:

Any rating/SFW, NSFW

Violence, gore

Smut (both are bi/pan for the interest of including others), Kinks; Non-Consent is a grey area

Interactions with other characters

Various AuDHD topics/behaviors (as long as I feel comfortable depicting them - I mostly write these to my own experiences but am willing to discuss)

Unbound by BG canon/lore and DnD rules

Head canons

Won't write:

Stuff that's going to make me super sad or uncomfortable (death, certain forms of cruelty)

Things that are way Out Of Character without good reason

Some extreme kinks

Pregnancy/babies/children (breeding kink is an exception but already in the works as part of a later chapter, haha)

I'm ignoring a lot of established lore regarding Asmodeus and Raphael probably flying too close to the sun with his aspirations for Archdevil Supreme, lol

.

Quick characterizations and Prosody plot points:

Raphael: cunning and strategic; ambitious; prideful; pretty classically Lawful Evil; Not Bad in Bed (I'm firmly Team 'Haarlep's a fucking incubus and they hate each other but Raphael can't get rid of them due to circumstances with his father'); totally a Bard; will use the rules and others to get what he wants; intellectually curious; isn't needlessly cruel (in most circumstances); will use sex and sex appeal in pursuit of what he wants/his contracts if most convenient, but more often uses the seduction of power and luxury; honorable; respectful; nosy (he's an information broker); manipulative but doesn't lie; possessive; domineering; trends towards obsession with his interests

He mostly just thinks Evie's weird and kind of annoying at first but she grows on him in part due to that weirdness. He believes her 'modern' knowledge and technological drive to be very useful to him/his goals, so pursues trying to get her to join his side, which triggers that obsessive drive he has. Very interested in her and Astarion's efforts to transform Baldur's Gate. He tries to genuinely court her in post-game (and sabotages the efforts of others - much to the amusement and consternation of Astarion). Morphs into a kind of marriage contract. He does have a soft spot for her but sees having her as his consort/Archduchess politically advantageous. He's supportive of her ambitions (because they align with his own) but also kind of a hard-ass. He chooses to trust in her loyalty to him when he allows her to retain a lot of personal freedom. Doesn't quite realise (but thinks he does) what chaos he's brought into his life/House (maybe make sure you fully know someone before you make them marry you?).

Evie: she/her pronouns; human 'modern girl'; Chaotic Neutral and morally grey; made a deal with a book-bound nature spirit to be given fox ears and a tail in exchange for traits/magic/spells; worshiped by Kuo-toa (and takes her unwitting godhood over them very seriously); AuDHD; friendly; slow to trust but generally presumes the best of others; polite and respectful; can be overly (though usually tactfully) blunt; can be both very socially apt and oblivious/awkward in turn - not great at recognizing flirting towards herself but can see it between other people; prone to daydreaming/getting lost in thought; frequently impulsive and tightly self-controlled in turn; hyperfixative; introverted but 'takes charge when forced into social situations'; strategic; very intelligent but the ADHD gets the best of her at times (will totally channel 8 INT Tav); will rant about politics and culture; modern girl = modern knowledge (+quite technologically savvy); has special interests; very musically inclined; afraid of disappointing others or not being 'useful'; sexually experienced/knowledgeable

She is fairly neutral about Raphael and uninterested in his deals (she isn't the one who gives him the Crown), but they do end up becoming fairly friendly during game events. They bond over shared interest in theater/music, literature, politics, etc. Feels no fear of him and will stand up to him. She grows to see him as a friend by post-game and isn't personally terribly concerned about him having the Crown even though she wanted it destroyed. Her focus is mostly on her inventions and business ventures and helping Astarion manage his political career post-game, though starts exploring the dating scene of the City. Due to his status and ambitions, she mentally puts Raphael in the 'off limits for sex/romance' box and doesn't see any reason he'd be interested in her that way. Becomes very 'they're dating but she doesn't realise it.' Very salty when he forces her into a corner to marry him but ultimately accepts it as his interests require that much stays the same and she's acknowledged to herself by then that she is attracted to him. Makes her problems, his problems as a form of retaliation. Then becomes 'they're married but now need to actually date.'

.

In Prosody canon, Evie never sleeps with Haarlep for ~reasons~, so I lean towards not involving them in smut, but will write them non-sexually. They don't have the most positive relationship, however, so most interactions between them are a bit catty/antagonistic.

Evie and Astarion (who chooses to ascend but retains a softness due to Evie) have a very strong platonic relationship (and past, very brief sexual one) in post-game events. Evie's on friendly terms with the rest of the crew, especially Karlach (who goes the Avernus route with Wyll).

.

Some Prompt Lists for Inspiration:

Touching

Make 'em Swoon

Good Traits Gone Bad

Seeking Out Physical Attention

Kinktober 2023

Subtle Suggestive Smut Prompts

Tav Asks

[empressofthesunwriter]

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 6: Magical Music Madness with the Bard

Holding hands and giggling like school girls Princess Kenny and I return to Kupa Keep.

“Princess Kenny, N.K. there you are!”, greets us, Leo. “When Craig returned and you two didn’t come back, I got worried.”

Kenny waves his worries away, while I give his head a pat.

“Me and the Princess…explored a bit more of the town, nothing to worry about.”

My fair princess and I share a look and laugh together.

Oh, we did explore.

But not the town.

Not that we are going to tell what we actually did. Leo is too innocent to hear this.

“Oh, all right.”, signs Leo relieved. Then he frowns and points at my neck. “N.K.! You have a large bruise there! Let me heal it!”

Automatically I slap my free hand where the “bruise” is. I can’t help but turn red, while Kenny giggles even more.

“Oh don’t worry noble paladin. That isn’t a bruise.”, tells Princess Kenny smugly.

I give her an annoyed look.

“I know you sucked too hard!”, I quietly hiss at her. “Now I have a hickey. How I’m going to explain this to my parents?”

Leo stares just confused from me to Princess Kenny.

As an answer, Kenny gives me a cheek kiss.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head over it. Didn’t you tell me that you are good with make-up? You can just cover it.”

And with that, she sashes away.

I roll my eyes, but can’t help grinning.

“Hate to see her leave love to watch her go.”, I confess to Leo, who just seems more confused.

“Ooookaaayyyy, I have a feeling I don’t wanna know what you and the princess were doing.”, he admins. “Are you two together?”

I laugh and give his head again a pat.

“Oh Leo, you have still a lot to learn.”

Not that I didn’t enjoy my time alone with the Princess greatly, but already starting a relationship? Naah, I still wanna look around.

Kenny seems all right with it too.

And that’s the most important thing.

Before Leo can ask what I mean, Lord I’m-going-to-die-on-a-heart-attack-if-someone-doesn’t-murder-me-before steps out of the war tent and calls us all over to him.

“Gentlemen, thanks to the new kid, our entire army is assembled!”, Cartman proclaims. “It is my belief that the new kid deserves to rank up in level.”

“You honor me, my king.”, I say with a little bow.

“To honor his efforts, he will no longer be called "Douchebag." New Kid, I hereby dub thee - SIR Douchebag! Congratulations.”

I take it back.

“Oh come on you asshole! My name is not that complicated!”, I shout while the others clap for me in congratulation for my new rank.

Of course, Cartman ignores me.

I will get my revenge on the asshole one day. Hitting him with Dragonshout didn’t satisfy my hunger for revenge at all.

“But now it is time for us to take back that which is rightfully ours.”, he tells us. “A carrier raven has come with news that the Stick of Truth has not yet been taken to the Elven Forest. It is in the possession of... the Bard.”

Suddenly all around me, the guys freaked out.

“The Bard?!”, gasp Scott scarred.

“Oh, God! Not the Bard!”, whimpers Tweek.

Confused I turn to Leo and raise an eyebrow.

“The Bard is a level ten Drow Elf who can use magic to enchant and destroy his enemies!”, Leo explains.

I nod in understanding. No wonder the others are freaking out. This is a tough enemy.

Mmh, maybe we could use some earplugs to not get affected by his music…? Would that work?

“Are you ready to continue your training?”, turns Lord Fatliver at me, interrupting my thoughts. “Then make haste to the training grounds.”

Who wants to bet with me that I need to learn a new fart technic?

Do I hear 20 dollars? 15? 10? 25?

Naturally, it is again a fart technic, it’s called Cup-A-Spell, which I master.

Okay, I’m petty.

I should have thrown it again in Cartman’s stupid face, but he choose Scott as my sparring partner and I’m still angry that the diabetic boy called me also a douchebag and can’t see I’m a girl.

So Scott got the Cup-A-Spell thrown in his face, which makes Cartman laugh happily.

After we are done with the training our large-ass king reassembles us.

“If the carrier ravens are correct, the Bard is hiding out at the Inn of the Giggling Donkey. We must find him before he's able to take the Stick back to the Elven Forest.”

“LET US FIND THE BARD AND BRING HIM TO JUSTICE!”, yells Leo with passion.

“MAKE HASTE TO THE GIGGLING DONKEY!”, commands Cartman.

With that we all, beside Schott who will hold down the fort, run out of Kupa Keep.

We have reached the Giggling Donkey and are hiding behind some bushes before it. Like we are all spies, we coordinated look up from the bushes.

“There it is. The Inn of the Giggling Donkey.”, says Cartman anonymously.

The Giggling Donkey is located inside a blue house. I sure hope it’s the house of someone who takes part in our RPG and that my comrades didn’t just pick a random house.

I don’t think the adults would like that.

“Paladin.”, Lord Chubby turns to Leo. “Are you sure the Bard is hiding out in there?”

“That's what Twitter says.”

“CARRIER RAVEN, Butters!”

“So-sorry, that's what the carrier raven says.”

I pat Leo shoulder to calm him down and send Cartman an angry look. No need to get pissed off about such a small detail.

Cartman commands: “Craig and Token, guard the back door. Butters, Kenny, Sir Douchebag... let's go inside.”

“Goddammit, is it so complicated to say N.K.?!”

Of course, Lord Fatness ignores me.

I growl under my breath.

Princess Kenny takes my hand, stroking it to calm me down, while Leo is now the one to pat my shoulder.

I send them both thankful smiles and we follow Cartman into the Inn.

Me and Kenny still hold hands and a took Leo by the arm.

I don’t like the vibes of this Inn.

“Stay close, Sir Douchebag. The Inn of the Giggling Donkey harbors the scum of all Zaron.”, warns me Cartman.

“Don’t need to tell me twice.”, I respond, gripping tighter Kenny’s hand and making Leo walk closer to me.

The Inn practically screams shady bar, with the suspicious patrons and the whole decor. The little jazz music is the only thing nice.

We four walk up to the bar.

“A glass of Meedlewine, please.”, orders Cartman.

“No Meedlewine today, only Fairy Ale.”, tells the barkeeper.

“A pint of Fairy Ale, then.”

The barkeeper prepares Lord Stomachpounch’s order, while he asks with fake nonchalant: “So... has uh... anyone seen the Bard lately?”

Literally, a record scratches, and all the patrons give us the evil eye.

“Smooth!”, I whisper-shout at Cartman.

Princess Kenny is gripping my arm and Leo is hiding behind me, gripping my other arm. I give the Princess a quick kiss on the cheek to reassure her. Leo gets a gentle pat on the head.

It works and the two calm down.

“A cup of Fairy Ale isn't much if not accompanied by some bardic poems and songs.”, tries Cartman to save the situation.

“Sure he's here, all right. He's got a room down in the cellar.”, informs him the barkeeper.

“Ah, and I shall pay handsomely for his services.”

King Fatass finishes his drink and throws some coins at the bar.

“Sir Douchebag.”

Me, Kenny, and Leo follow after him to the door which will lead to the cellar.

“This smells like a trap.”, I tell Cartman my suspicions.

Inns normally don’t have rooms in the cellar. In the cellar, you store food and drinks. There is no place for a room to sleep.

I see how Kenny and Leo nod in agreement.

“That’s the only lead we have on the bard. Do you have a better idea, Douchebag?”, challenges me Cartman.

I sign.

“No, sadly no.”

Satisfied King Large Ass gives out his orders: “Butters, Douchebag, go down and flush him out. Princess Kenny and I will be waiting here to murder him. Remember, the Bard can use songs to enchant. Don't let him get to you.”

Princess Kenny gives me a good luck kiss on the cheek and I smile thankful at her.

“We will be back soon.”, I promise.

I take Leo’s hand, advising him: “Stay close and behind me, understood Leo?”

“Y-Yes, Sir N.K.”

“Are you fags then done been gay with each other. We have a bard to murder and a Stick to reclaim.”

For that Kenny and I give him the evil eyes.

“You are just jealous that no one would even hold your hand wearing ten cloves over it!”, I shot back.

I don’t wait for Cartman’s angry answers and lead Leo down the cellar stairs.

“You think the Bard's really down here?”, wonders Leo afraid, gripping my hand tight.

It’s really dark and spooky in the cellar.

I squeeze his hand as we make our way through the cellar.

“Oh, I think that motherfucker is just waiting for us.”

Suddenly we hear a sound and then someone who plays a lute.

Leo and I hold our hands to the ears since the sound penetrated the eardrums.

A figure with crutches steps into the little light the cellar has.

“Oh Jesus, it's the Bard!”, yells Leo scarred.

Automatically I stand before him to protect him and fix the bard with a glare. The kid is disabled, you clearly see it, but he has a dangerous aura around him.

I prepare myself for anything.

“Prepare for battle, w-w-w-weaklings!”, stutters the bard. “Elves, fall in!”

Didn’t I say it was a motherfucking trap?!

“DOUCHEBAG! IT'S A TRAP!”, yells Cartman obviously.

“I TOLD YOU SO!”, I can’t resist calling back.

“You should have never come here, h-humans.”, tells us the bard. “I am a level 10 bard, and with my lute I shall power up my elven guards with magical songs of encha - with magical songs of encha-cha - with magical songs of encha-chaaa... mag... magical songs of enchame-me-me...”

I blink rapidly at his stuttering, what the hell, while all the others wait patiently for him to finish.

“Magical songs of enchantment!”

Oh, he is done.

This means it’s time to kick some elven butt. Me and Leo face the elvens, while the bard takes the stage on a wooden box.

The bard starts to play his lute singing: “There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow. She didn't talk much, but boy did she swallow.”

I can’t help the snort that comes out of my mouth.

That’s a funny and good rhyme, I give him that!

“Sir N.K., we need to concreted on the battle!”, reminds me, Leo.

“Sorry, of course, you are right!”

We battle the elves and the bard sings another funny line: “I have a nice lance that she sat upon. The maiden from Stonebury who was also your mom.”

I laugh out loud, while I hit an elf with my wand.

“N.K.!”

“Sorry, Leo! But Mister Bard you are hilarious.”

“Well, t-t-thank you, m-m-my lady!”

“Erm, yeah, can you please not say this while Cartman is near us? He thinks I’m a dude.”

“Oh…o-okay.”

Even with the bard singing, which makes the elven stronger, me and Leo win.

The bard jumps down from his wooden box, grumbling: “Wow, what a butt-kicking...”

He manages to reach the cellar door to let in more elves.

“Get down there and finish them off. I will protect the S-Stick of Truth.”

With that, the bard leaves us with our new friends.

Leo and I use the environment to our advantage to take out the elves. As even Craig joins us, we finish them off pretty quickly.

Okay, Leo needs to heal Craig, since he twisted his ankle, but we three are in no time out of the cellar.

We see an elven warrior charging into the kitchen.

“For the elf king!”

“AHGHGH! Someone help!”

We hear Cartman’s pained screams.

“Come on, the Wizards in the kitchen! We gotta help him!”, tells Leo.

I make a face.

“Do we really need to…”

“N.K.!”

“All right, all right…”

I follow Leo and we take care of the elfs.

Like Princess Kenny did in the school my little bro goes down on one knee and proclaims: “Your word is the command, my lord. Shall I heal the king, my lord? Or maybe let him suffer just a little bit more?”

“I would love to.”, I sign sadly. “But heal him, time is at wasting.”

Cartman lays like a fat diva in Leo’s arms and coughs up blood.

He is such a dramatic bitch.

“His powers were too strong - the Bard. He's up in one of the rooms. They took Princess Kenny! They took her upstairs. I'm sure they're going to rape her. Don't let them rape Princess Kenny! Myehhh...”

….WHAT DID HE SAY?!

“N.K.?!”, shouts Leo surprised as he sees how fast I run out of the kitchen.

I don’t care what the bards say to the elves, I don’t care about their shitty barricades. Like I’m a raging tornado, I kick and slap anyone away, even this little elf fucker with a gasmask, who was probably a mini-boss, to reach my beloved princess.

I have to save her!

That’s the only thing on my mind!

I can hear the admiring ooh and aah of my comrades, but I don’t care as I run up the stairs and open the door where I hear Princess Kenny’s screams.

“KENNY, I’M HERE I WILL-“

I stop my screaming as I see the scene before me.

Princess Kenny is tied up…and one elf is jumping on the bed beside her up and down.

I blink.

One.

Two.

And three times.

“You fuckers had me really scarred!”, I shout angry, but glad that Kenny isn’t really raped.

I jump up to the bed, channeling my inner Cassandra from Assassin’s Creed Odyssey, and I Sparta kick the elf from the bed, knocking him out.

“My heroin!”, gushes the Princess. “You saved me!”

“Of course, my lady. I was so worried and scared for you.”, I admit as I free her from the bonds.

Princess Kenny doesn’t waste time and falls into my arms.

We hug each other tightly.

Then she pulls her parkor down, that her lips are free and we kiss each other softly on the lips.

Okay, it starts softly.

But I’m so full of adrenalin and so glad she is okay, that I pin her down on the bed and lick along her lips. Happily, she lets my tongue enter her mouth and our tongue wrestle with each other.

Damn!

I’m still in wonder, what I good kisser Kenny is. She makes you addicted to it.

I feel how her hands wander over my curves, but before it can escalate like it did after we saved Craig from detention, Leo enters the room.

“N.K. is the princess-! Oh, hamburgers! Sorry!”

We stop kissing and turn our heads in Leo’s direction.

Aww, it’s adorable how he has his hands over his eyes and blushes red like a tomato.

I give the Princess a quick peck, helping her up from the bed.

“It’s really not the time for that, my lady.”

“Sadly.”, she agrees.

Hand in hand we walk up to Leo.

“You can look again, Leo. Sorry, that you had to see this.”, I apologize to him.

Cutely he picks out from his hands, still blushing up a storm.

“I-It’s all right. Come the wizard king is waiting for us.”

The first thing King Assholes says to us as we join up with the others is: “Princess Kenny! How badly did they rape you?!”

“They didn’t rape her.”, I answer for my princess. “Also it’s not funny to make such jokes. Raping is one if not the worst thing that can happen to a girl. Some borders we shouldn’t cross.”

Cartman rolls his eyes.

“Damn not only a fag but you are also a feminist or what?”

“I’m bisexual you ignorant piece of shit and what if I’m?!”

Before I and this tub of lard can fight, Craig calls frustrated over: “I can't get through! The door appears to be enchanted so I can't turn the knob!”

Our fat king waddles over to the door. He tries to open it and then with his own staff knocks on the door.

“YOU CAN'T HOLD THE DOORKNOB, BARD! THAT'S CHEATING!”, he shouts.

“Yeah, I can.”, answered the bard smugly. “I have the Stick of Truth which means I control the universe, and I say holding the doorknob is okay.”

I can imagine the bard is also grinning smugly. I bit my lips to not laugh again. People who mess with Cartman are awesome in my eyes.

“UGH, can he do that??”, ask us Cartman.

Dude, didn’t you help to create this game? Why do you ask?

“He has the Stick of Truth, he can do what he wants.”, reminds Craig.

“DAMMIT! There's GOT to be another way into this room!”

Well, there is one.

Princess Kenny is pointing upwards to a trapdoor, where we can see an elf.

We nod to each other in understanding.

She uses her charm ability and like a horny horndog, the elf lets down the ladder to get down to touch Kenny’s boobs. Sadly for him, she knocks him out with her mirror.

“Good job Princess Gone Wild. Double D buddy powers.”, formally deadpans Cartman and starts to eat a pack of cheesy poops.

I just shake my head.

I don’t have words right now.

I give Kenny a kiss on the cheek, ruffle Leo’s hair, then head up the ladder.

In the attic are some elves and mice, but using the environment to my advance I finished them all off without starting a fight.

Now, how to get into the room where the bard is?

That’s when I note that some parts of the attic floor seem to be damaged already. I let the chest stored on a rickety metal shelf fall on them, which creates a hole.

Let’s hope it leads us to the bard.

I jump down.

I’m now in a boy’s bedroom and see the bard standing awkwardly with the Stick before the bed.

I just open the door to let the other in.

“You've nowhere to run, Bard!”, growls Cartman. “Give me the Stick of Truth.”

“Take it from me if you can, W-Wizard King. Step forward now, and fulfill your de- de- and fulfill your de-de-de... Step forward now and fulfill your de- Step forward now and fulfill your de-de... your de-e-e... your deee... Step forward now and fulfill your de-de... Your de... Your deeee...”

Again the bard stutters.

I purse my lips, waiting with the others that he gets it under control.

“Step forward now and fulfill your d-d-d-destiny!”

“You are no match for a Grand Wizard!”

“The Stick belongs with us! And I shall use every bardic power in my class to keep it from you!”

“Fine. You wanna throw down, brah? Kick his ass, Douchebag.”

Of course, I have to do the dirty work.

Urgh.

“Who is Douchebag?”, wonders the bard.

“It’s me!”, I raise my hand and get my wand out. “Fatass gave me the stupid nickname, please call me N.K.”

I and the bard ignore Cartman’s outrage scream and make ourselves battle ready.

Do I need to say that I won?

No?

Good.

Frowning I look down on the defeated bard. It was not fun at all hitting a disabled kid. I hope I don’t go to hell for that.

In triumph King Bouncy Stomach, even if I did all the work, takes the Stick back and raises it high above his head.

“The Stick is ours!”, he proclaims.

All cheer beside me.

Kenny sees that I’m pissed and gives me a soft cheek kiss.

Mmh, I already feel better.

With the Stick back in our hands we make haste to leave the Inn.

Back at Kupa Keep the Stick is back on the pillow and we all in celebration mood.

“Great job, men!”, praises us Cartman. That he can even do that, I’m surprised. “Douchebag, for your heroic deeds and valiant self-sacrifice at the great Battle of The Giggling Donkey, I hereby make you an official member of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep. Welcome to the KKK!”

…What a minute KKK?

Like the racists who wear these all-body white robes?

I can’t finish my thoughts, since Princess Kenny’s tackle-hugs me, which makes us sway, while the others applaud for me.

Oh well, whatever.

I laugh happily and twirl the Princess around.

If this doesn’t secure my place in this game then nothing will!

I’m ready to party with the others, sadly Mrs. Cartman opens the backdoor and calls out: “It's getting late. The Grand Wizard needs to go night-night.”

Cartman facepalms.

“Okay, Mom, thanks for pointing out bedtime for everyone.”

“It's a school night, hon. You and your little druid friends need to-“

“WE'RE NOT DRUIDS, MOM! WE'RE FUCKING WARRIORS AND WIZARDS!”

Damn son, he has really no respect for his mama.

At least Mrs. Cartman doesn’t let him get away with that this time.

She steps into the backyard.

“Oh, that's it! You're going to bed. The rest of you better get home too.”

No need to tell us twice.

So we all leave Cartman alone with his mom.

I wave goodbye at Token, Tweek, and Craig and they wave back before I turn to Leo and Kenny.

I go down on one knee and take my fair princess hand in mine.

“Blessed dreams I wish you, my princess, until tomorrow were we will see each other again.”

I kiss her hand, making her swoon.

“Till tomorrow beautiful, I will count the hours.”

As I stand up, she gives me a quick kiss on the lips and makes her way over to her home.

I grin like a lovesick fool.

“Aww, you two are cute.”, tells Leo.

I wrap my arm around his shoulders and we start to walk.

“Let’s go home, Leo.”

After returning to my new home, I took a long bath to relax from all the crazy happenings of the day.

Then my parents and I had some pizza delivered to us since my Mamma didn’t have the will or the power to cook after she and Papà unpacked all our stuff the whole day.

After dinner, my parents watched some rom-com, while I read one of my manga. I need to catch up on Demon Slayer before I continue watching the anime.

Soon it was time for bed.

I put on my P.J., a cute cat-themed one in pink, and cuddle up with my brown Teddy Bear in my bed.

Mamma opened the door to wish me good night.

“Goodnight princess. I hope you're as happy as we are. Everything is going to be better now that we're in this quiet little mountain town.”   

It’s far from quiet here, but well I had really a lot of fun today.

“Night, Mamma. Say goodnight to Papà for me.”, I yawn sleepy.

“Of course. Sweet dreams my little N.K.”

She closes the door as I close my eyes.

Aah, I earned some good night’s sleep, after all the quests I did today!

I wonder what tomorrow will bring, how the school will be.

I hope I find some friends in my grade too.

With a hopeful heart, I fall asleep.

Next

[alitheakorogane]

Freedom's Protection: A Blasphemy or The Truth?

Summary: Venti's outburst shocks everyone, making the people of Mondstadt question everything they knew about their Archon.

This is the third part of Mondstadt's storyline for the Reader Protection Squad SAGAU series.

Note: There are instances of grammatical errors, please bear with me. Also, the entire layout was now changed and I placed a title on them so I could not be confused while I write the next chapters. It's still the same story though.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3 (current), 4, 5, 6, 7

"What if your dear Anemo Archon was also like them, an imposter who also steals someone's face?!"

-------------

Everyone couldn't believe what the young bard was saying, especially those who are very devoted to Lord Barbatos. The Anemo Archon is also an imposter?

Bennett and Fischl who accompanied him looked at Venti with surprised looks on their faces, while Razor was confused about what happened. On the other hand, you were shocked at what the bard did, even though you had expected him to do something stupid after Eula's harsh statement regarding imposters.

To be honest, you can understand why the usual happy and mischievous bard suddenly snaps out and break down at everyone. Eula's statement may be intended for you but it also applies to Venti's situation, and her scathing words hit the Anemo Archon on a personal level. You guessed that not everyone knows his real story, not even his very devout followers in his church, as you had remembered that only the Traveler was the one who had truly opened up about his real feelings of loss by telling his story about his bard friend in his story quest.

They didn't know who he really is... because all knowledge that the Mondstadters knew about their beloved Archon is from secondary sources, from the words of other people, and not really from Venti himself.

They never knew how hard is to pretend to be someone he really isn't. You know it wasn't his choice to rule a nation, since Andrius had stepped down from being a suitable candidate but Venti had tried his best to fulfill the wishes of his beloved friend before he had died: for Mondstadt to be free.

Mondstadters from the past to the present saw his Archon persona in rose-colored glasses, portraying him as regal, poised, and hardworking as his people (they were also overworked because they thought they can emulate Lord Barbatos' 'hardworking' work ethic) who value the concept of freedom over his domain, not knowing that their Archon is actually a happy-go-lucky troublemaker who has the heart of gold, who really likes apples and Dandelion Wine to the point of breaking the records for most shots a Mondstadter can drink in one go, or how he likes to annoy people with his songs and pranks when he feels like it.

You had sympathized with him, as you and he are similar in some aspects. You always force a bright smile on your face and feel optimistic, even though there are times that you feel like you wanted to give up on everything. You can crack jokes over your so-called friends, laugh at the corniest punchlines, and put up some masks on other people, saying to them that you're okay even though it really isn't.

There is a reason why you loved playing Genshin Impact, it's not because of the waifus or husbandos or you just want to have fun and spend over nothing, but it was an escape from your loneliness and the reality. You feel loved when the game greeted you on your birthday before anyone can and was given you a digital cake even though you know it was coded to be like that. You feel happy when your favorite character had come home and when you listened to their voice lines where they said something good about you.

You think that someone took pity on you and whisk you away to the beautiful continent of Teyvat, but it seems that there's a mistake. The moment you were spat at by the same characters you really loved, you feel like you were really unloved by anyone no matter what world you've been thrown in. You're not suicidal, but at that moment, the urge to throw yourself off the cliff and unto the waters of Cider Lake to drown was very strong.

So when you met Bennett, Razor, and Fischl for the first time and they had befriended you no matter what others say something bad about you, you feel happy that someone had accepted you the way you are, and you wanna cry with tears of joy.

And when Venti, the actual Anemo Archon of Mondstadt, came to your rescue, you feel like you were lucky that someone out there still appreciated your existence. You silently thank whoever is above that gives you some mercy over this forsaken world.

Meanwhile, Barbara Pegg, the lovely Deaconess of the Church of Favonius, couldn't help but ponder over what the bard had said. You had noticed how she was not as defensive as the other nuns present, but you just brushed it off as she was just in shock. You were unfortunately wrong about your assumptions, for you underestimated her just because you know from her game appearances that she was oblivious to her Archon being literally meters away from her.

She may be a devout follower of the Anemo Archon, but as a Gunnhildr, she had access to a certain diary of one of their ancestors living at the time of Decarabian, along with her older sister Jean.

She remembered a passage regarding a wind elf and his human friend who died in the rebellion, after her mother, Frederica, had let her read the family heirloom after Barbara joined the church as a Deaconess.

"The young leader had unfortunately passed away by a stray arrow to the heart, the winds took away his young life so early. We were devastated to see the one who had awakened our hearts and fought for freedom die in the rebellion against Lord Decarabian, but no one grieves more than the Elf, who was with him till the end. The Elf has done the unthinkable after they had ascended into a god by Celestia: they had taken the form of his human friend so he could see the free world under the eyes of the Elf, who was now under the name of Barbatos, the new Anemo Archon of Mondstadt."

Imagine Barbara's surprise when she found out about that, she had never read this information in any Mondstadt history books or tomes she had come across. She knew that her ancestor had been part of the first Mondstadt rebellion against Lord Decarabian, so she could assume that it was a legitimate source.

At the time, she can't believe that Lord Barbatos' current form seen in the statues isn't his, to begin with, for it was based on his human friend who had died in the first rebellion. Today, she had doubts about the issue, especially when the bard had brought it up.

"If that's the case, then it's true that Lord Barbatos is technically an imposter, just like how Mr. Bard had said," she thought to herself, "But how he known about that if that information isn't in the books I have ever read about our Archon? Did I miss a book?"

She looked at her older sister who was still standing with Diluc with a troubled look in her eyes like she was pondering about something. She ever wondered if Jean still remembered the contents of the diary or knew something about Venti. As far as she was concerned, Venti knew the Honorary Knight, Jean, and DIluc personally due to their involvement during the Stormterror crisis.

She knew that Venti can summon Dvalin, one of the Four Winds, when they went to the Golden Apple Archipelago months ago. He is also the only one she can't heal with her Hydro Vision, the first time since she had been blessed by the gods. He had an angelic voice and an exceptional talent for playing the lyre, which to be honest, Barbara was slightly jealous of. And he just recently appeared on Mondstadt, which was coincidentally the time when Dvalin, known as Stormterror that time, had attacked Mondstadt.

Who really is Venti anyway?

"Blasphemy!" One of the nuns screamed as her fellow comrades and citizens agreed with her, "Lord Barbatos isn't an imposter, you blasphemous child. How dare you speak to the Archon that way?!"

"History books had never told the Anemo Archon's whole story!" Venti continued as he lowered his bow down, his right arm wiping the stray tears on his cheeks. You wanted to comfort him, to hug him in your arms, but the situation was so tense that you prefer not to, for now.

"You just knew him because of those books and those spoken stories that always praise him! And in every single one of them, he was portrayed as a divinity who committed no mistakes and made some exceptional deeds just because he is an Archon. You may think that he is perfect, but news flash people, he's not! He's as flawed as any other mortal out there! He should have saved his dear friend if he was as perfect and powerful as you think he was!"

He was glaring at the people in front of him, his aqua-green eyes glowing in intensity, "You had never known that he was originally a wind wisp who had taken the form of a dead friend to honor a wish. He had never saved his dear friend... if only that blasted wind wisp was a second too early, his friend wouldn't have died in the rebellion! That friend of his was the one who started the peak of the rebellion, who had sang songs of freedom, and guess what, no one remembers his name or even his sacrificial deeds!"

Venti closed his eyes as he continued speaking, a look of nostalgia etched in his eyes as he stared at the skies above, "Freedom was given to all of you due to a sacrifice of a human who was now forgotten by history, but his face... his young face now lived on under the facade of Lord Barbatos. Without the bard's final wish, Lord Barbatos would never make freedom his ideal for Mondstadt..."

"...He would never have been the weakest among the Seven Archons if he had never fulfilled his dear friend's dying wish."

"And how would you know about that? Why would you try to defame Anemo Archon Barsibato just to manipulate our minds about the imposter?!" Rosaria harshly interrogated Venti who just spewed some blasphemous information about their Archon, her polearm pointed at the bard.

The nuns of the Church of Favonius had deadpan looks on their faces over Rosaria's mistake over Lord Barbatos' name, while the citizens who believed in the Archon glared at Venti for his statement.

To their surprise, the young Anemo user smiled at them, but they could guess that he was actually smirking. He chuckled as he bowed his head, bangs covering his beautiful eyes. It left people confused and scared, especially the Knights and the Church nuns. They had never seen this side of the bard who they have just known to be as mischievous and happy-go-lucky all the time.

You felt chills when you see his smirk, as you had an image of a young-looking boy with angelic wings who looked at the people with a menacing smile, the bow on his hands was stained in blood. You then realized that you had seen a glimpse of Venti in his Archon form, and it was possible that it was him in the Khaenri'ah disaster 500 years ago!

His Elegy of the End bow was still on his hand as he dared to respond with a playful tone at the young nun, staring at her with a coldness that could rival someone with a Cryo Vision, as if he was scolding a young misbehaving child, "You could say that I am more than just a mere drunkard bard, Miss Rosaria."

"After all, how could I ever spread blasphemous words about myself?"

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BADASS VENTI IS LIFE.

Well, this is Part 3 of the Reader Protection Squad series of one-shots, where someone is trying to protect the Reader from being pelted down by the Divine Creator's obsessive acolytes.

This one was also cut into two parts, so there is a possible Part 4 regarding Venti helping you off. (sigh) I think I will do a full-blown fanfic if I kept this up. I also write the Reader's inner thoughts, based on my experience. I couldn't help but shed a tear when I wrote this part.

To those who are new to my story, in this series, Venti is part of your protection squad in this Imposter AU concept, one of the two Archons who are going to help you. He is usually the mischaracterized character in SAGAU fics, and I wanted to do justice to my boi's character.

I made Barbara more perceptive than she was on canon, because why not? I made her a book enthusiast, she likes to read books in her free time just like her older sister (if she is not busy with her idol work, practice, healing, and church duties). Her possible favorite books are about Lord Barbatos and his deeds to Mondstadt.

And here's Rosaria and her mishaps with Venti's Archon name...🤣

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