#american mutuals are you like okay holy shit

[swallowtail-ageha]

Just saw the "i am negatively surprised by the fact that we only learn how nutrients work if we actively search for it instead of it being taught in health classes' and i wholeheartedly agree but also?? What do they teach in american classes??? Like holy shit the american educational system it's so fucking awful???

[stusbunker]

Spotless: En Cédant

Chapter Twenty Two

Featuring: Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean/Bela

Other characters: Lee, Bobby, Sam, Annie, Kevin (mentioned)

Word Count: 2541

Warnings, etc: Mutual pining, Aromantic Bela, more hints at bisexual Dean, unbeta'd

A/N: Dean's magazine interview is released and he asks a question he regrets.

Series Masterlist

Dean walked into the auditorium they’d been leasing for rehearsals with a gas station coffee and what John would have called a ‘piss-poor’ attitude. Sam had stayed over at Madison’s and gotten his own way to their last pre-tour play through. It was one of those rare mornings where their place felt too big, and Dean couldn’t kick the feeling that something was missing in his daily life. But it was too early for a pity party and too late to turn around and play hookey.

Not that he’d even dare that on this tour, not this close to showtime.

The energy in the hall did little to ease Dean’s annoyance, filled with quiet conspiring. Each person he nodded at seemed to be hiding a smirk or trying not to laugh out loud. Once he got to Lee, he’d had enough.

“Okay, what the fuck is with everybody today?”

Lee shook his head. “You don’t know, you poor bastard. Have you seen Trouble yet?”

“No— whyyyy?” Dean scanned the room littered with roadies and band members, lounging over the stage and the first rows of seats. 

“Look, man, it’s easier to show you than tell you.” Lee reached into his back pocket and pulled out a rolled up magazine, which was not what he was expecting. His sources of embarrassment primarily spread online these days.

But then he looked down and saw his own smug face staring back at him.

“Holy shit,” Dean said in a whisper.

“She’s got like a whole box of these, everybody’s read it or is currently reading it. It’s almost like you’re famous or inspirational or some shit.”

“Some shit is more like it,” Dean muttered and flipped to the page number next to the tagline, ‘Phantom Traveler’s frontman Rides the Road to Redemption’.

“Hey! Get your own!” Lee snatched the magazine out of his hand before he could get past the shot of him in Baby’s driver’s seat, eyebrows furrowed in the side view mirror.

“You sonuvabitch,” Dean threatened and went to steal it back when Bobby appeared with his ruffled mustache of disapproval.

“Okay, Fabio, go find Trouble, she’s got a whole case of those you’re supposed to sign before we get started.”

Dean wiped his face with his palm and braced himself for a long ass day. “Okay, any idea where she is?”

“First dressing room,” Bobby replied. “Don’t take too long, we want to run through some old stuff with Kevin so Charlie can plan out some lightwork with it, then we need to talk setlists for this weekend.”

“Yeah, of course, uh, I’ll be right back,” Dean said, turning to head to the pit. He turned and added over his shoulder. “At least I hope so.”

It was worse than Dean thought, but somehow also better than he’d expected from Meg.

Sam sat backwards on an old makeup stool as he read the article out loud, “‘even his timeless good looks couldn’t save him from the storm of controversy he unleashed after punching out photographer, Jared Bender, alienating his keyboardist and lifelong friend, Cas Novak to the point of leaving the band, and forcing his manager and mentor, Bobby Singer, to cancel their last North American tour with two months left.’”

Sam made a visible ‘yikes’ face and continued on as you listened, moving stacks of magazines around into manageable piles along the counter. 

“‘The man sitting across from me was neither the cocky dipshit I interviewed six years ago, nor was he the unstable egomaniac who caused those around him to walk on eggshells during their last tour. He was oddly zen, blunt as ever, and refreshingly humble.’---- Ha! Christ, did you pay her off?!” 

Dean decided he’d heard enough and cleared his throat. You froze and turned, but Sam just grinned wolfishly at him through the old spotted mirror, completely unsorry about being caught.

“There you are! Hot off the presses, man.” Sam flipped the copy he was reading towards Dean, which he caught against his chest with his free hand.

“Yeah, thanks,” Dean grunted, splashing some of his coffee as he stopped the magazine from falling to the floor. “How bad is it?”

You chuckled. “It’s not— well, for starters, it’s the freakin’ cover! I was not— she was being purposely vague about the whole thing, even which issue it was going to be— I am kind of in shock still.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Dean stared at the cover, unsure if he dared read it with an audience. After the silence got too heavy, he buried his own sick curiosity and looked at you to keep busy. “So, Bobby said you’ve got work for me?”

Dean smiled too late, catching you entirely deflate from his terrible segue.

“Uh— yeah, it’s only 100 copies. We’re sending them out to bundle with tickets for radio stations in every city.”

Dean walked across the small room, set down his coffee beside Sam’s rumpled magazine, and picked up one of the metallic Sharpies you had left out. “You sure they want just me signing these?”

“Dude— none of us are in any of the pictures. And besides just verifying some details, she didn’t interview any of us.”

Dean spun on his heel. “She asked you if I was lying about stuff?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t like that— it was more of her trying to catch you in consistencies.”

Dean raised his eyebrows at how that was exactly what he had said.

Sam huffed and started rambling. “I mean it was about the tone of the album and the cohesiveness. It wasn’t bad, God, okay?!”

“You’re not really reassuring me here, Sammy.”

“Look, I’m gonna go set up.” Sam stood up. “But, we’ll talk it out once you’ve read it, okay? Just get these signed, so we can figure out everything upstairs. Maybe then Bobby doesn’t have an aneurysm.”

“We can only hope,” you tucked on, which took the words out of Dean’s mouth.

Dean nodded, sighed, and popped off the cap of the marker. “Alright, let’s do this.”

Sitting around haphazardly sprawled across the theater seats, the band and immediate support personnel plotted the first stretch of the tour. Dates were set, venues, everything important, but the minutia had to be finalized so everyone knew where to be and when.

“We’re doing in studio stops with stations here and Vegas. But we are doing phone in interviews with San Diego, Phoenix and Albuquerque. We’ll talk more, but I think we’ve got stuff lined up once we hit Texas,” you rattled off to the group, pen in hand, laptop on your lap and phone in hand.

Bobby had his day planner open on his lap and Annie added things into her phone as you went. Dean kept his calendar app open, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary yet. Once the tour got underway, things got easier with the practiced dance, but until then he was jittery and brooding.

He hated the build up, but knew it’d be over soon.

“Dean— we gotta talk later, figure out when Bela will need passes. That goes for everyone, please let me know who you’re bringing each night so I can submit the names to each venue.”

“How is that your job on top of everything else?” Bobby asked.

“You want to do it?” You countered, coyly.

Everyone laughed. Lee threw a balled up receipt at the back of Dean’s head, but he just flipped him off.

“Need to get you an assistant,” Bobby muttered, but Dean didn’t think it was a bad idea. 

The meeting continued, plans for press stops and casual drop ins for the first leg were cemented with your approval. The band’s image meant everything to you, not just because it was your job, Dean knew it was a deep seated loyalty and faith in them, both as individuals and as a unit, a family. You worked harder for them than any mere publicist would. 

And that genuineness came through to the fans. 

Then that respect and admiration was reciprocated. Sure, there were ones who were closer to obsessed than others, but even Becky, the fanclub president, had cooled down over the years. Things might get awkward amongst the masses, but it wasn’t dangerous. And it had been awhile since anybody had asked for a lock of his hair during an autograph session. 

He didn’t miss that.

Dean switched apps and snapped some quick shots of the group from where he sat, dazed and tired from the meeting, but still together and looking good. He typed a quick caption to the post: ‘Can’t wait to see y’all again soon, we’re back baby.’ He even remembered to tag the band’s account before posting. But he knew you’d go through and add hashtags and pin people’s accounts to their faces in each shot, eventually.

For now, he was just grateful that he was still doing what he loved with his people.

Not much later, Bobby called it and everybody agreed to meet at Elizabeth’s. After securing all the equipment and hugging Charlie goodbye, Dean helped you haul the boxes of magazines to Bobby’s truck to be mailed out later.

“You want to ride with us? Got that scheduling stuff to hammer out anyway,” Dean cleared his throat and nodded towards Baby on the far edge of the parking ramp.

“Uh, Sam left with Kevin, but yeah,” you said, looking over to Bobby and Annie. “See you guys there?”

“Sounds good,” Annie said.

“Drive safe,” Bobby warned and held the door open for his wife.

Dean felt weird with his empty hands and you bent over with your bag and your laptop case, but you seemed to manage. “How are you feeling about things? How long we got before shit explodes with that article?”

You hummed in estimation, “about nine hours? East Coast will get to it first so it’s gonna be another early day.” 

“Brutal.”

“It will keep me busy, but it will be a good busy. I’m sure of it,” you promised.

Dean huffed. “If you say so.”

He unlocked the passenger side door and held it open for you, the familiar creak in the hinge the only sound in the cement tomb of the parking garage. But it didn’t feel creepy, it felt nice to be alone and out at night. With you.

He let you drag your stuff into the footwell and made sure not to get your sweater caught in the door as he closed it. He rounded the front bumper and got into his spot. “Alrighty, let’s go get stuck in traffic for an hour.”

You smiled at him, without looking up from swiping through your phone.

“You posted?!” you shrieked in surprise not five minutes later.

“With my own two thumbs and everything,” Dean teased back.

“They are loving this.--- Dean, it’s already got like over a thousand comments.”

Hey, he could do the internet charm, when he wanted to.

“What are they sayin’? They pumped to see us live?” 

“Definitely! And then the usual: speculation on Lee and Pam, people begging you to father their children—” you laugh fondly, like at a child showing off a well known skill. “Kevin is starting to get a sort of following, and the younger crowd brings more enthusiasm. Plus, people are already speculating how long during each set before Sam loses his shirt.”

Dean cackled. “Sweaty bastard, even with all the box fans.”

He pulled them onto the freeway and wedged in where he could amongst the chaos, careful to leave breathing room for his girl.

“When you’re all done with that, we can talk Bela at the shows. I’m guessing you meant you want her backstage and easily seen from the audience and all that?”

“Pretty much, but also what works around what she’s doing. She can’t exactly tour with you guys, but we gotta make it look like she’s doing her damndest to.”

You spent a few minutes going through your notifications while Dean turned up the radio a bit to keep him occupied through the stop and go traffic. Must be a game somewhere, he thought passingly.

“So, uh—- how much longer do you think we gotta do this act? Seems like I’m looking pretty good these days in the eyes of the public. And if you’re sure Meg’s article will be good press—”

You put down your phone and turned on the bench seat to lean your arm along the back of it, putting Dean entirely in your focus. He swallowed and looked back at you out of the corner of his eye.

“Where’s this coming from? I thought it was working out good with Bela?” You were trying for neutral, he could feel it. But you were upset. Or alarmed at least.

“It is— just not really sustainable for the long run. Eventually she’s gonna find somebody she actually wants to date and I’m gonna be gone for like the next year.”

You tilted your head to the side. “Bela’s aromantic, Dean. She isn’t interested in relationships at all.”

“Wait— what? That’s a thing? Chicks do that?”

You glared at him. Shit.

He licked his lips and wiped his palm on the thigh of his jeans. “Okay, but people probably know that, right?”

“Yeah, but people have a way of thinking that eventually she’s gonna meet the right person and ‘settle down’.”

Dean groaned. “Are we playing up a shitty stereotype? Am I being a bad ally?”

You rolled your eyes. “Dean, shut up. You didn’t know, which I find odd, but I’ll talk to Bela about that.---- And we’re not getting graded on your allyship, because frankly that is an entirely different conversation.”

Dean closed his eyes against the accusation but got back into driver mode quick enough to remain safe. He sighed.

“Anyway, I was just curious if there is a timeline or an escape clause or something when the label won’t cut off my nuts for being officially single again.”

You turned back to face the dashboard and picked your phone back up. “I cannot believe you can’t keep it in your pants for one tour, Dean. Groupies and fucking syphilis boosters cannot be that fun.”

Dean swerved, but righted the car. 

“HEY! Nobody said anything about wanting to get my dick wet! I was just asking a question. You don’t gotta be shitty about it.”

Dean swallowed back his retort about not needing easy hook ups because Bela was more than on board for helping fill that particular outlet, but he had already dug himself into a hole tonight.

He inhaled and worked on calming himself down. He realized he was more hurt than anything, that that’s where your mind went for his reasoning. 

That was how you saw him.

He wasn’t a dog, not anymore at least. And if he had been for the few years after Jo’s death, it was something he had to get himself through. He should not feel ashamed for enjoying life. 

But apparently somewhere along the line you’d grown a superiority complex.

Your opinion shouldn’t matter. He only had to answer to himself at the end of the day. But shouldn’t didn’t equal doesn’t.

Which made him feel even more pathetic.

Tagging:

@deans-spinster-witch

@mrswhozeewhatsis

@cosicas-cuquis

@fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like

@suckitands33

@ladysparkles78

@deans-baby-momma

@stoneyggirl2

@sassy-pelican

@leigh70

@globetrotter28

@winharry

@lastactiontricia

@rockhoochie

@brightlilith

@coldhearted93

@djs8891

Chapter 23: Furia

[runninguplenorahills]

Lenora you’re back!!!!!💕💞💕💞

How have you been?

Heyyyy✨🌞

I’ve been doing pretty great honestly. I got through my finals and I actually did quite well :)). I didn’t take the biology exam though because holy fuck I can’t even do simple math and we were supposed to do crazy equations, no calculators allowed💀. So yeah, didn’t study at all and woke up in a cold sweat like three days before the exam and quickly set myself on inactive because I would’ve definitely fucking flunked it. But English went great, got one of the best grades out of the entire course for my presentation I was sweating buckets over beforehand, linguistics went well as well and the rest was just pass or fail and fortunately I passed but I’m still waiting on a feedback for my pedagogy portfolio. Speaking of waiting, I spent weeks in February working on my art portfolio and applied for art school and I’m waiting for a response to that, too.

I also finally read “The song of Achilles” but it sadly didn’t earn its place next to my favorites, like, it was actually only three stars for me if I’m really honest. Currently I’m reading “Persuasion” (I’m about half way through) and that books actually pretty great but the first like 80 pages are just like, set up lmao. But after that it quickly gets better!!! I haven’t continued reading in a couple of days though which I should absolutely do soon because the new semester starts in two weeks and then idk how much time I’ll have to read. I’m actually taking British and American literature classes in the new semester which I’m pretty excited about!!!!

Oh boy, I also finally watched s5 of Miraculous and the alternate universe Paris special and the movie and bro, s5 was an absolute dumpster fire…. Actually fucking insane. But the Paris special was kinda entertaining lol, and I can’t lie…. the movie was pretty good. Like… it was honestly great hahahah. I also watched Cars btw! I have watched the first part before but never the rest and then my sister wanted to watch Cars so we did and yeah, Cars is amazing ofc. I also finally watched But I’m a Cheerleader which was all over the okays but it was funny and I loved the ending. I’m trying to remember what else I watched but I don’t remember anything else… hmmm… Oh!! Omg, I watched Christopher Robin and I didn’t not except that movie to be as good as it was. I was in genuine tears over fucking everything and yeah, very enjoyable. I also watched The Sixth Sense which was good, did not see the plot twist coming though, Like, spoiler! I literally remember thinking “oh.. so he survived I guess” when it says “next fall” like a fucking idiot 😭. I don’t think I watched any other movies though.

Wait, I also read the entirety of Jackson’s diary on webtoon and it was a fucking roller coaster.

Other than that I’ve been hanging a lot with my friends, especially those who moved to another city for university. There’s this café we always and in the past two weeks we’ve gone three times and you can borough games to play and we usually play scrabble which is always sm fun!

Oh and holy shit, I turned fucking 20!?!?! Absolutely batshit insane, I cannot believe it.

Also, I just kinda left tumblr very like, impulsively because I had finals coming up and thought it’d be distracting, but also, tumblr tends to suck the life out of me sometimes so I thought taking a break would be worth it either way. After finals where over I then had to work on my art portfolio and I have a huge procrastination problem so I stayed off tumblr because I knew it would make it worse and so I just left and didn’t reply to anyone, which, I’m sorry, I missed you and the other mutuals so much but I also don’t think that many people even noticed that I took a break in the first place. Anyway,I’ll probably dip when Uni starts again as well but I thought it’d be nice to catch up with y’all before that happens.

How have you been doing :))💓💗💓💗💓

[strangeswift]

hmm so. not to be uncontrollably randomly insane in people's inboxes but I LOVE ethel cain I LOVE talking about her music a mutual of mine got me into her in september and then I became everyone else's ethel cain mutual there are asks on andi's blog where I'm harassing her as proof SO. need to know your detailed thoughts on preacher's daughter🎤 also favorite song? mine is strangers because LITERALLY AM I TURNING IN YOUR STOMACH?? AM I MAKING YOU FEEL SICK????? also are there any you associate with st at all? american teenager is very st in general to me I have an edit about it I'm insane. hard times is also very el to me but that DOES require being a little more surface level about it and ignoring. um. ignoring what the song is actually getting at. ALSO under normal circumstances ptolemaea is not a will byers song but it WAS to me when I read andi's fic descent. ok wow sorry about this anyway yes ethel cain!!!

HI HI HI i just listened to preachers daughter all the way through a little over a week ago and i have been.. going Through it. i have cried to it two nights in a row <3 ANYWAY ok so american teenager goes crazy but my favorite songs on the album def a tie between a house in nebraska and sun bleached flies (the two i cried to) if i have to pick one i am def going for a house in nebraska. (this song is very mike in my byler exes fic wip coded i added it to the playlist) but strangers is so Fucking good i fr had to pause it when i first listened it's so visceral she's so insane. and YES american teenager is so st coded A LONG, COLD WAR WITH YOUR KIDS AT THE FRONT!! ok also you're so FUCKING RIGHT about ptolemaea with descent holy Shit. AND HARD TIMES!! YEAH!! YEAH IT IS SO EL don't worry i recontextualize songs to fit st characters all the time. i feel like with that same line of thinking even family tree (both of them) can loosely fit el in a way. especially the second one is kinda very loosley nina coded like she is being forced to return to her trauma (papa, her father) willingly and like sort of take up the mantle like the narrator is with the church yk? umm let me think OH OK televangelism is so very will in the lights s1 to me. okay i think that is all. for now. also link me the american teenager edit ? 👁👁

[notmuchtoconceal]

my ex-collaborator was one of my best friends. realistically, though. i can only stay best friends with someone i'm actively working on something with. i suppose he was less afraid of being abandoned than he was in being demoted to number two, which i'm not sympathetic to.

he touched every area of my art and soul, and once he started to mutilate me for reasons i couldn't understand, it hurt me deeply. i thought about him a great deal, even though the consequences of dwelling on the human equivalent of a black whole who crushes all light had obvious and escalating consequences to my mind, body and soul. i could have easily thrown him away and slipped into a shallow clique where i effortlessly dominated normies with my presence and my magnetism and my smell. i could have blocked him out in seconds. cleared the hard disc.

that's not who i am, though. i became what i was because i knew what i was, and i acted on impulses secret and unknown, but which i knew would guide me to the truth. i live for the truth, and i struggle daily and have struggled for years to understand why men value lies, my own lies i always understood ... by which i mean fantasies, projections, reframings ... never outright distortions of material truth ... were always enigmas to be unwrapped like gifts or knots or labyrinths, and i suppose i was always sympathetic on some level to the delusions of other men (though i detested their gullibility, their ease of parasitization) for i understood they were somewhere else, and these delusions, these fantasies, were mutually keeping me from them as them from truth.

i would never say the good times weren't real. i would never say he didn't mean something to me. i know he's a resentful piece of shit who would manipulate any good will i offered him, which is why i'm offering him none. in some ways, i used to see him as a teacher. i loved him.

he could fuckin deal with the fact that i had, have, and always would have had a life before, during and after him. holy fuck. no, man.

he's a stunted child. he's a stunted child in the exact same way your father is a stunted child. that's why you were drawn to men like him. you hadn't figured it out yet. you being raised by a stunted child, of course, also made you a stunted child, but uh... realistically, man? you're stunted in different ways. you'd made leaps and bounds in areas he could never achieve and he tried to transfer his negative karma onto you like credit card debt cause he's a fuckin business witch. (it's totally okay to tell him that he raped you. it's funny cause it's true.) american culture prioritizes and values bullshitting your way through social situations cause most americans are stunted in some fairly considerable regard and desperate to keep it hidden. you admired how thrifty and how mobile he was, but you could see clearly -- he had sub-autistic levels of emotional awareness (no offense to any of my autistic friends reading, i think your minds are beautiful) which is why his brain was worm-eaten with mommy demons. operant conditioning and repetition. punishment-induced, church-like trance behavior holding the traumatized mass together like clamps.

behavior like this is an exceptionally common american problem. generational neglect would seem to compound with an escalating commitment to a parasitic work culture demanding more and more time at the expense of family. this is the simple truth of the reactionary claims about the attack on the nuclear family. it's a direct assault on first causes to cripple the organism. it's like draining all the cytoplasm out of each individual cell until the entire body withers and putresces while alive.

zombie. zombie. zombie.

am i making it clear enough for you yet, bro?

Jennette McCurdy, I'm Glad My Mom Died

[weedle-testaburger]

Hey.

I saw those music asks.

I figured I’d ask you numbers 32 and 35 respectively.

I’ll give you my answers too if you’re curious.

Last piece of music which made me cry was Strauss’s Four Last Songs (specifically no 3. Beim Schlafengehen). I mean it’s a beautiful piece but fucking hell is it poignant.

The humming chorus from Puccini’s Madam Butterfly (insert Dr Who 1996 TV Movie joke here!) is a close second.

As for foreign songs. I can’t pick one in particular. But I’ve listened to a LOT of Tuvan and Mongolian folk music and it’s genuinely incredible stuff.

I seldom talk about my music tastes on account of how particular they are and because that fact might make me feel like a boring person. Alongside the fact that I can’t (and don’t) sing for shit and am completely musically illiterate (which makes me feel dumb as shit).

What about you?

If it’s okay for me to ask.

32. When was the last time you cried when listening to a song, if ever? Oh there are certain songs I genuinely do cry listening to every time lmao. I think the last time I cried a lot to one was when I listened to Birds by Imagine Dragons the other day.

35. A song you like in a language you don’t speak: two big ones that come to mind are Yuve Yuve Yu by The Hu (they're a folksy metal band from Mongolia) and En La Ciudad De La Furia by Soda Stereo (one of my Latin American mutuals introduced me to that through a meme they posted and I was like HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO GOOD WHAT, I'm a massive sucker for new wave).

Thanks for asking! c:

[maxwell-grant]

OK, I know this will probably be painful, and I may be a bad mutual for asking but...would you be willing to identify what, in your opinion are the bottom five worst Shadow adaptations, and give a detailed breakdown of why they were so lousy?

Oh christ, okay. I don't think you're gonna get as much of a detailed breakdown for these compared to some of the others, because I take more issue with adaptations that do have good qualities but also big or deep problems to talk about.

For example, I can't include Garth Ennis's Shadow in this list because the comic has a lot of strong points to it, despite a deeply, deeply detestable take on The Shadow's character, where as the rest of the Dynamite run doesn't reach neither the lows or highs of his run. Likewise, Andy Helfer's run has a couple or a couple dozen moments every issue that make me want to tear something to shreds in frustration, but it's also at many points a really good comic with great art and some occasionally very inspired writing. Really, I'd just be repeating myself talking about what I hate in those.

But, fine, let's list some of the others.

I think I'm just gonna have to get the elephant in the room out of the way here, and address that I won't be including Si Spurrier's 2017 Dynamite mini in this list, and I think at least some of you might be angry it's not Number 1 by default. I'm doing this because I intend to one day really revisit it, think about it and it's reception and what it was trying to do, and talk about it on it's own, now that it's been 5 years and everyone has moved on and we can maybe talk about it without kneejerk hatred driving everyone nuts (your mileage may vary on how warranted it was).

I'm also not going to be talking about James Patterson's new novel, because I haven't read it. It seems to be considered a forgettable potboiler by mainstream critics and a resounding failure by everyone who likes the character whether they've read the book or not, and frankly I don't have it in me to learn what the fuzz was about anytime soon, I got my hands way too full as is.

And I won't be including the Batman x Shadow crossovers here, because again, they do have a lot of virtues that put them far ahead of some of the really worst Shadow media, and I've talked enough about how badly I think they mangled The Shadow, which is really the big problem I have with them (well, that and Tim Sale blatantly copying a Michael Kaluta cover, that was really shitty). I don't really hate them anymore, I just get tired and frustrated thinking about parts of them, I said my piece as is. Really, my frustration over this comic is what inspired me to start writing about The Shadow here, so I guess in a way I do owe it at least that much.

5: Archie Comics's Shadow

I think some of you might be wondering why this isn't ranked higher, but to be honest, I don't actually harbor any hatred towards this. I mean, I have to include it, but I find it kinda silly that some people even today actually care about the existence of this comic enough to hate it.

For fans back then? Oh yeah, obviously, but this dropped to such instantaneous backlash that it never really got to live past 6 issues. Really, everything wrong about it can be understood immediately from the covers, and I've actually read the comic in it's entirety to see if there was anything worth taking. I found only a couple of things of note but, no, this really is just a painfully mediocre superhero comic that happens to have a couple of Shadow names in it. If anything, it gets too much credit.

The actual contents of what it is are never going to justify it's reputation, but the existence of it and the disproportionate response to it is the funniest and most enduring legacy it could ever ask for. This whole comic is The Shadow's version of Spongebob's embarassing Christmas photo.

4: David Liss's The Shadow Now

This is another "The Shadow as an immortal in modern times" comic and I think you may have noticed the pattern with those by now. I may revisit this eventually and I do have some moments from it saved for reference, but overall: It sucks, and it doesn't even suck in a way that lets me talk much about it, it's a diet version of Chaykin's Shadow. If Archie's Shadow is a generic mediocre superhero comic wearing The Shadow's name, this is a generic crime story playing beats from movie. The Shadow is an asshole and not even a grandiose or sinister one, he just feels like a sleazy douche in a costume. The art is a 50/50 coin toss between appropriately moody and "Google images with a filter on them", I don't remember anything about the plot other than Khan had a bomb again and he had a daughter, and there were new versions of the agents and the Harry stand-in turned evil and Lamont shacked up with Margo's descendant which, uh, no. I don't really hate this but I really have nothing nice to say about this comic other than Colton Worley's art is nice sometimes. I can't really muster anything else to say here.

3: Invisible Avenger

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZ...

...uuh, wha-

Yeah, I remember nothing about this one other than it's painfully boring and nothing about it, nothing at all, works in the slightest and I drift off to sleep even now trying to give this a rewatch. To be honest pretty much every other Shadow serial not starred by Victor Jory sucks and I don't really have anything to say about them, this one is just the worst of the lot. I dearly wish there was a good Shadow tv series but, if it was going to be like this pilot? Good riddance.

2: Harlan Ellison's The New York Review of Bird

This isn't really a Shadow story as much as it's a Harlan Ellison story that happens to feature The Shadow, but man am I glad that Ellison's "Dragon Shadows" was canned, because holy shit what a goddamn nightmare Harlan Ellison writing The Shadow for real could have been, going purely by the one time he ever touched the character. New York Review of Bird is a purely farcical parody story that wears real, real thin even before "Uncle Kent" shows up, and we get to see in it what is by far the most detestable and irredeemable take on The Shadow ever put on print, and not even in a critique or deconstructive way or anything that could be remotely worth discussing.

I don't hold any particular affection for Harlan Ellison and his writing (despite liking some of it) and I've come to notice the major red flag that is finding someone who looks up to Harlan Ellison in any capacity as a person, and this story in particular really feels like Ellison aggressively trying to channel his jackass tendencies through every line, just him being nasty because he built a personal brand on being nasty. The only reason this isn't Number One is because it's a very short story that saw zero influence or reputation, and thus it only exists as a brief mention in The Shadow wiki, and a brief mention is all it really calls for.

1: Howard Chaykin's Blood & Judgment

I'm guessing most of you already knew this one was in the top spot before I started writing.

I would actually rather not write a big piece on Blood & Judgment, because I think (or at least I hope) it's influence on The Shadow has waned a lot over the years and I would prefer to draw it the least amount of attention possible, but if I HAVE to talk about this, I guess I'd rather just vomit this out of my circuits now instead of giving it it's own post.

I would prefer to use a less unpleasant image on my blog, but if I'm going to talk about this comic, there's no image to better convey it than this drawing of macho asshole Cranston holding a sexualized mannequin at gunpoint. By leaps and bounds, Blood & Judgment is the most misogynistic Shadow story I've ever read. It's ironic that Chaykin justified the rampant misogyny he gave The Shadow with the idea that this is just a man from the 30s would act like, when he admits in the same breath that he never even touched the stories, and he wrote a story more sexist and demeaning to it's female characters than anything, literally anything, written in the Shadow pulps. It's almost impressive even.

I'll paste some segments from Randy Raynaldo's review

In Flagg, he intended to present his own point of view on American society while keeping his work tongue in cheek and acessible. But this vision dimmed, and Flagg had become a vehicle by which Chaykin could play out fetishes and portray gratuitous and stylish violence.

In The Shadow, stripped of the political and social veneer which was supposed to make Flagg unique, Chaykin's sensibilities and excesses become disturbingly apparent. For all of his liberal posturing, Chaykin's work demonstrates zero difference from the same kind of mentality exploited and made popular by similarly violent popular culture icons like Dirty Harry and Death Wish.

More than half a dozen individuals are indiscriminately and violently murdered in the first issue. Although the victims are characters who played major roles in the myth of The Shadow, we feel little sympathy for them, even for those of us who knew these characters at the outset. Who dies is unimportant, it's how they die that is the fascination.

Chaykin uses sexual decadence as a means by which to establish villains, and undercuts this device by making the protagonists as promiscuous as the villains. For all of Chaykin's seemingly liberal leanings, he demonstrates very little sensitivity in his portrayal of women.

Because everything works on rules of three, this comic also follows the pattern with other works mentioned here, as this isn't Howard Chaykin writing The Shadow: it's The Shadow reimagined as a Howard Chaykin character. He looks and acts exactly like Reuben Flagg and the typical macho protagonist of Chaykin's other works, he's a cynical sleaze with an entirely new origin who half-assedly dons a garb to machine gun people, and I already wrote a separate piece on why the machineguns are kind of emblematic of everything wrong with this take.

I understand that Chaykin has, or used to have, a big following of sorts, and I've tried to wrap my head around this for years, but I genuinely still don't get why Shadow fans stomach this comic unless they happen to be Chaykin fans first and foremost, I really don't. Everything, fucking everything Shadow fans hate about modern depictions of the character can be traced right back to this. The parts that stuck and changed the character for the worse, like him being defined as an immortal, bloodthirsty warmonger who got all his skills and powers from a magic city in Tibet, or Lamont Cranston being a coward who fears and hates the Shadow, or his agents being expendable slaves, stuff that has been ingrained into the mythos through this and the Alec Baldwin movie and other comics, to the point that people now think of it as the norm, that it's the baseline of what The Shadow is, and I hate it, I genuinely fucking hate it,

I hate it so much that it's a big part of the reason why I created this blog and why I want so badly to get to write The Shadow, because I plainly couldn't stand not having ways to tell people that this is all wrong, that this is actively shooting down the character's odds for success, and that they are missing out on something really great, because the well has been tainted with garbage that won't go away and everytime I read the words Shambala in a Shadow comic, even an otherwise good or great one, I get just a wee bit cross.

The only semi-redeeming aspects I can think of for this comic is one or two cool moments, like when The Shadow hijacks a concert using his Devil's Whisper or when he tames dogs with a stare. Just breadcrumbs of "not garbage" amidst an ocean of anything but. I hate that talking about why I hate this comic in-length can almost feel like I'm still enticing people to check it out of curiosity, but if you wanna do that, fine, just know this: The worst part of Blood & Judgment, even if you don't care at all about what it did to The Shadow, is that it's boring.

It is a deeply boring comic. If you like Howard Chaykin to begin with, you'll probably like this okay (although even Chaykin fans told me that this is his weakest work and that even he seems to agree). If you don't, I plain don't see what you could get out of this.

The comic itself is just nothing. It's the comic book equivalent of a pre-schooler trying to get a reaction by swearing. It has nothing whatsoever other than half-assed attempts at shock value. The plot isn't there, the ideas are stale, the dialogue is needlessly oblique and comprised entirely of unfinished sentences, interrupted conversations and one-liners without build-up. The characters are all unlikable and uninteresting stooges with no personality, or joyless cartoons. There's no heart or emotion or logic, and it isn't even funny enough to succeed as just an outrageous exercise in 80s excess. There's nothing in here.

I get "why" it was popular enough at the time, a rising star creator penning a modern revival of an old character based on controversy that pissed off the old fans, it's an old story that still gets repeated today. But manufactured controversy is not a replacement for storytelling and it rarely ever exists to benefit the people who actually want to enjoy the stories, it only benefits those for the crude benefit of those who want to sell you something out of the controversy.

I guess they got their money's worth back then.

------------------------------------------------

Phew, okay, I did it, I finally vomited out a piece on Blood & Judgment and some others, allright, let's put this piece of negativity behind us now.

[nellie-elizabeth]

The Handmaid's Tale: The Wilderness (4x10)

Oh boy. I don't even know what else to say. Just. Lots of stuff happening here.

Cons:

So, obviously I'm going to talk about the Fred situation, but I actually want to start by saying there was a logistical weirdness with the end of the episode that kind of troubled me. For one thing, and this is just a script decision I don't understand, why does the mailman open the mail and see the severed finger and wedding ring? Why not have Serena opening it so we get the full impact of the horror? That just felt odd to me.

And then... the ending. June comes back to say goodbye to Nichole, and says she's leaving in five minutes. My initial read on this was that she was going to go and face the consequences/get locked up for what she did to Fred. But then I realized that made no sense, and maybe she's instead going back to Gilead to get Hannah? See, the problem here is that a) I'm bored of Gilead and want to keep the story in Canada. And b) June's connections with Lawrence and Nick seem to be able to get her a lot of things... it feels like it would be a relatively simple matter to snatch Hannah and run at this point, wouldn't it? The narrative stakes feel uneven, after what we saw June was capable of orchestrating in this installment.

Also just going to go ahead and say that as this was a finale, I was a little bummed not to have more time with certain characters. No Janine update, and only sparse screen time for Moira, with no mention of her love life at all.

Pros:

Okay, let's start with a smaller detail: Mark Tuello has been more of a narrative device than a character for most of the show, so much so that I kept forgetting his name. I don't think this is necessarily a mark against the writing or acting. He's meant to be representative of the slow-moving arc of justice, of a neutered American government trying to do its best. But here he came to life for me, in two moments. One when he asked Serena to explain her decision to stay with Fred. And another when June shows up outside his house and he has an outburst about how she's crossed a line, and then apologizes for it.

He's a person. He's dealing with a lot of fucked up people, and traumatized people, and he's trying to prioritize the greater good while seeing the very real personal consequences of Gilead's atrocities up close. I just really liked how he was utilized in this episode; it almost felt like a culmination, happening quietly in the background.

And then there's Fred Waterford. It's hard to really put my finger on why Fred is such an unsettling villain, but I think it has something to do with the fact that he buys his own bullshit so easily. He's really incredibly gullible. When he and June have that chilling scene where they both say they "miss" Offred, Fred is 100% buying what June is selling. June is... not even that good of an actor except when she has to be, but Fred genuinely, actually, believes that they had something approaching a relationship of mutual understanding back when June was his literal sex slave in Gilead. And June plays him like a fiddle. He's utterly shocked by June showing up at the end and kissing Nick. It never occurred to him that June, a person he repeatedly reminds everyone is duplicitous and sneaky, might be involved in some greater scheme.

And why? Because he really is that full of himself. He has every reason to believe that the world will keep catering to his needs, that he will, again and again, be able to dodge the consequences of his actions. It's always been true in the past, hasn't it?

That's the genius of Fred as a villain. He's not playing three-dimensional chess, he's not someone you can just "outsmart" and be done with. It's his worldview, this absolutely unshakable belief that he is a good person. He even apologizes to June in this episode, but it's not in a way that holds himself accountable for his behavior. It's more in a "I'm sorry you suffered, I do regret that aspect of it" kind of way.

There's something so twisted about a zealot whose zealotry is tied up so intensely with his misogyny that he looks like a caricature of a sexist man when you see him talk, and yet he's not playing it up. That's really how he thinks! Just imagine it.

But also... holy shit, that scene at the end was brutal. Can't really blame June for it, I guess, but it was tough to watch. Not because I felt sympathy for Fred, but because I felt sorrow in my heart for what he'd driven these women to. I hope they get some measure of peace from his death.

I think (and kind of hope) that Season Five of The Handmaid's Tale is the end. Not because there's not a lot here to enjoy, but because it seems like we're reaching a culminating moment for June. Getting back to Hannah has been the driving force of the show, and now June is right on the edge of achieving that.

There's a lot more I could say, but I'm keeping this one nice and zippy for the moment. See you next season!

9/10

[waitmyturtles]

(@telomeke-bbs -- ooomg, so excited to learn that my chicken rice mutual is also a Bad Buddy obsessive, so happy!)

I want to throw into the ring one of my favorite WTF shirts of the series, from episode 1, which isn't in the poll -- when I reblogged the poll earlier today, I mentioned the shirt in my tags:

The shirt says "I'd rather Hunt with Dick Cheney than Ride with Ted Kennedy!"

Okay, so I'm outing myself as an Old here. (Holy shit, many of you were either NOT BORN or were BABIES when Dick Cheney and Ted Kennedy were in office -- scare me SHITLESS, y'all, let me order my LifeAlert.) When I first saw this shirt, I was like.... um. Are there secret Republican writers for this show (nervous lol)?

But then I Googled the phrase on the shirt, saw a thread on Reddit, and realized the shirt is making two references to past events: Dick Cheney's hunting accident, and Ted Kennedy's Chappaquiddick incident.

We know who Dick Cheney and Ted Kennedy are, right? I'm biased! Cheney was EVIL. He, along with Donald Rumsfeld, Bush's secretary of defense from 2001 to 2006, were ultimately the masterminds of America's failed invasion into Iraq and Afghanistan post-9/11. They were unnecessary warmongers. Ted Kennedy, not perfect either! But he was a long-serving, and many would say, legendary, Democratic senator who was most famously bullish on improving the American health care system.

So, yadda yadda yadda, Pat's shirt is saying, I'd rather live than die, even at the dangerous hands of two, like, very white male American politicians. It's a WILD SHIRT to throw into a Thai BL, but this series was all about the shirts, clearly, so I at least appreciated the head-turning aspect of this!

[gallavictorious]

Seven Days left~ Give us 7 favorite Shameless moments

One day late – whoops! Sorry about that, sweet nonnie; this was the most delightful ask and I was very stoked to get it. ❤️❤️❤️

Disclaimer: I misread the question because I’m a dumbass and went for Gallavich moments. My bad. :o These are seven of my favourite moments, by the way: I just can't decisively pick my ultimate top seven. Also put them down in chronological order rather than in order of how fond of them I am, because it'd would've been too hard to do otherwise.

4x08: “You coming back?” This scene is quite uncomfortable, what with Ian's demand for blowjobs and Mickey's obvious (though temporary) discomfort, but I think that's what has me returning to it again and again (and what has had me writing one very long meta and a fic about it). It represents a shift in their dynamic, with Ian claiming some power in the relationship for himself, and even though it is uncomfortable, it's fascinating to see – and needed to happen for them to work in the long term (even if it maybe didn't need to happen like that – but then again, it's just so in character for both of them, however messed up?). The look Lip and Mickey exchanges after Ian's “relationship issues” never fails to get to me either, and I think it's important to note that Lip makes sure that Ian is okay with the situation and then he leaves them to it; he doesn't try to interfere or dissuade Ian. I keep wondering what that means to Mickey, having Lip – who's certainly not a friend at that point – know about him, and about him and Ian, and not really caring beyond making sure his baby brother is okay? I kind of think that maybe Lip and Mandy both showing Mickey that they're aware of the situation but not making a big deal out of it is really fucking important – people can know he's gay without it having to be a thing and without the world ending. Terry is a horrible outlier.

4x11: “Just wondering if we're a couple or not.” Maybe it's the mutual manhandling, maybe it's them trying to negotiate and sort out the current dynamics of their relationship. There's so much tension and so many layers here, history lingering, even as they're both fond and playful: lots to unpack. Damngoodcoffee once noted that Ian almost looks scared when Mickey pushes him to the bed, and I haven't been able to unsee that since, or to forget that the last time Ian pushed Mickey to verbalize the truth of their relationship Mickey kicked him in the face. I also love love love the lead up with Carl and Ian, “do you love Mickey?” – “I like how he smells.” Please take note of Mickey washing his hands: the dirtiest white boy in American is an example to penis pee:ers everywhere.

5x08: “Sorry I'm late.” Ian's surprise, and the look of hesitant wonder as Mickey shows up and moves to lie down next to him, like he can't quite believe that Mickey is really there, that he actually came. Mickey's quiet apology, no excuses or explanations about how he needed some time to deal (which, you know, it's very fair for him to need); he's there for Ian now, putting his own fears and pain and needs to the side to be what (he thinks) Ian needs him to be. That admittedly doesn't work out great for either of them in the end, but still, in this moment, it is what they both desperately crave: to just have each other and find shelter in the other's arms. Ungh. That gentle kiss to Ian's hair, how Ian finally relaxes and reaches up to grasp Mickey's wrist, holding on. It breaks my heart and soothes me, all at the same time.

10x07: Domestic bitches. Probably the scene I've tag ranted about the most, because I. Love. It. To. Pieces. Ian's so glad to be back in a place where he feels at home and can be useful by doing important stuff like picking up shampoo and shit for Mickey (in prison, I think he was acutely aware of them being on Mickey's turf and him feeling a bit not comfortable with being the one in need of protection?) and he's so damned happy that he gets to be here with Mickey. Gets to help him out and playfully slap his ass and kiss his cheek and squeeze his titty and just love him and be with him. And Mickey, being completely unconcerned about this display in front of Sandy; in fact he seems to adore being so obviously claimed and loved and wanted, and that's such a huge shift from the boy who was once terrified by the idea of letting Ian kiss him even in private. Argh. Just. Them being domestic bitches and loving it – and each other – so fucking much. They're giddy with it here and it makes my heart swell.

10x10: “When you know, you know. Right?” I have an absurd weakness for Ian being petty, and Mickey really had it coming here, so. You know. Allow me an evil chuckle. The Byron of it all is an unwelcome distraction (and Mickey gritting out “the love of my life” makes me cringe so hard every single time), but then I look at the absolute glee in Ian's eyes when he realizes that Mickey is going to a hipster concert and yeah, this is Kee's shriek of delight. Mickey looks very good in his shirt and with the hair and the cigarette, and that's always an easy sell with me. (He also looks so uncomfortable with Ian finding out about the concert but, again, he kind of had it coming.) Aah. Ian's certainly not the only petty character on the show, but it just looks better on him than on anyone else. He's got it down.

11x10: “Hit my husband again, I'll fucking kill you.” Mickey isn't even in this scene, and still. I didn't expect Ian to take such a firm stance on this (considering that Lip is his brother and Mickey was not innocent in the fight) but maybe that's why I love it so much? I swear, the jolt I felt when hearing it for the first time, it nigh on knocked me over. “My husband” Ian says, making a point of emphasising the nature of his relationship to Mickey; the Gallaghers generally strike me as having a general expectation of putting birth family above partners when push comes to shove. Fiona certainly did for a long while, and though Lip's kind of screwing his siblings over to create the life he wants with Tami and Fred this season, I think he still sees the sibling group as Ian's primary unit, and Ian wants to remind him that this isn't the whole truth anymore. Also, protective!Ian is glorious. (I love me some brothers on the porch, so even without this line, this is a great scene. But with it – holy mother of God, I've been slain. I'd feel embarrassed about the number of times I played it on repeat the next day, but I'm too old for that shit.)

11x11: Intro Speaking of protective!Ian... I'm sorry, there's just no arguing with the aftercare vibes and I don't even know how to process that properly. Mickey's a little out of it, seems like, since he's rather slow to respond to the intrusion and displays none of his usual intiative and agression, whereas Ian is very quick to shift from gazing lovingly at Mickey to chasing us out with a determination and anger usually reserved for Frank. I mean, how else would you explain it? (And okay, it's an intro and breaking the fourth wall, so speculating about when it happens in canon is of course foolish, but I'm just saying that they're in their new flat with very little furniture still so it has to happen around the time of the last episode but I very much doubt they played around like this when everything was so weird between them so probably not between 11x10 and 11x11, but say they got back to their place after their reconciliation on their old bed and just kept on reaffirming their bond in all possible ways? Yes? Yes.)

Special mention: 10x06 Deleted Bathroom Scene. Mickey is looking fine as fuck – please, do wear black tanks more often, I am begging you, Mick – and his eyebrow game is in excellent shape, and then we have Ian seeing to his wounds (be still my heart) and pulling at his hair when Mickey's just a shade too bratty and Mickey's little look of 'okay sure I had that coming' and I'm sorry, but I am dead now. Deceased. Only two things detract from this otherwise perfect scene: Ian's titties tattoo on prominent and unfortunate display, and the confusion about whether or not Mickey didn't even learn the simplest Spanish words during his stint in Mexico.

So, that's me. I could just as easily have picked seven completely different moment, but I do love all of these very much.

[purplesurveys]

919

Alabama: Do you like the movie Forrest Gump? It was okay but it’s not my cup of tea when it comes to movies, so I’ve only watched it the one time. I thought the visual effects were cool - that was my favorite aspect of it.

Alaska: Would you rather deal with 30 days of day or 30 days of night? I would love to try out 30 days of night because I enjoy the night sky more. I’ve seen the 30 days of day thing in the movie The Proposal and it just seems too sunny and bright and it’s not my thing at all.

Arizona: Can you handle heat well? I can handle it, sure; doesn’t mean I like it. I never did. I’m sick of the heat and the sun at this point, and I can say that because we get 32-34ºC for most of the year lol, whereas other places get to have four seasons.

Arkansas: What are your opinions on Bill Clinton? I don’t know enough about him to have an opinion because 1) I had been too young to be aware of his presidency to begin with, and 2) I’m not American. I should be okay with these kinds of questions this one time though given the theme of this survey, haha.

California: Who is your favorite actor? Favorite actress? My favorite actors are Gregory Peck and Eddie Redmayne. Favorite actresses are Audrey Hepburn, Kristen Stewart, Kate Winslet, Jessica Chastain, Natalie Portman, Sandra Bullock, and Emma Stone. OH and Florence Pugh.

Colorado: Do you smoke weed? What are your opinions on its legalization? No. And it’s a super taboo topic here so there’s rarely a chance to get all debate-y and discussion-y about in a healthy arena because there’ll always be at least that one Bible-reading person who ruins everything for everyone by using biblical quotes and metaphors in their argument. I’ll have to read more about it to know its pros and cons, but I think that its legalization would be a responsible thing to go with.

Connecticut: Have you ever had a school shooting at your school? No. I’ve never heard of a school shooting in any school in my country, ever.

Delaware: Are you usually the first to do something, or are you more of a follower? I definitely follow the lead more. Even if I’m the first to do something in a given situation, that likely only happened because I followed a lot of advice from my friends so even in that aspect I’m still following what people think is best for me, lol.

Florida: Have you ever been to Disney World? I have not.

Georgia: Would you consider yourself a southern belle? No but for a long time I had the biggest crush on Melanie Hamilton from Gone With the Wind, who was considered the quintessential southern belle. Olivia de Havilland took that character to ridiculous heights, man.

Hawaii: What would be paradise for you? Going someplace with a lot of museums and street food.

Idaho: What is your favorite way to eat a potato? French friiiiiies.

Illinois: Did you vote for President Obama (or would you have)? I would have, yes.

Indiana: Do you like corn? Sure. I don’t like it when it’s incorporated into other food though, like cornbread or some brands of corn chips. I just like good ol’ corn on the cob.

Iowa: Are roses your favorite flower? It’s one of them.

Kansas: Do you like the Tin Man, Scarecrow or Cowardly Lion better? I’ve never seen Wizard of Oz. Not my cup of tea when it comes to movie plots. If I absolutely had to watch it it’ll only be for Judy Garland lol.

Kentucky: Have you ever been to a horse race? Nope, doesn’t sound like something I’d enjoy.

Louisiana: Have you ever celebrated Mardi Gras? No. I never knew what it celebrates, actually. I do have a soft spot for New Orleans’ culture though; it seems very colorful and more interesting than other US cultures, and I heard their food slaps as well. If I ever end up in Louisiana at the right time, I’d love to take a look at how they celebrate Mardi Gras.

Maine: Do you like lobster? It’s good, but it’s expensive so I don’t get to have it a lot. I’m okay with crab.

Maryland: Have you ever been to Washington DC? No...WTF Washington DC is not in Washington? I never knew that and now I feel so dumb. Holy shit, hahahaha

Massachusetts: Are you smart enough to go to Harvard? I can try. I know a lot of mutual friends who at least took a program there.

Michigan: Have you ever swam in a lake? I don’t think so.

Minnesota: Have you seen Drop Dead Gorgeous? No I haven’t.

Mississippi: Do you follow college football? No; I don’t follow our local collegiate football games either. Never really been a fan of the sport and I’d rather watch basketball and volleyball.

Missouri: Have you ever convinced someone to show you their private parts? ...can someone explain why this is the question for Missouri lol. Anyway no, that’s pretty messed up.

Montana: What is the greatest treasure you have ever found? A copy of WWE Encyclopedia 1/4 of its original price, sitting at one of the very top shelves in a used books store that I regularly visit.

Nebraska: Do you eat beef? Yep, pretty regularly.

Nevada: Are you good at card games? No, and not very interested in them either.

New Hampshire: What are your views on gay marriage? No one should have a problem with it. I wish it were legal here, but I know we’ll never see it at least in this country. We can’t even get divorce, how the hell are we getting same-sex marriage passed?

New Jersey: Do you watch The Jersey Shore? I watched the first episode but being a 12 year old, it was too explicit and uncomfortable for me.

New Mexico: Would you consider yourself a hippie? Not at all.

New York: Have you ever been to New York City? Would you like to? No. Yes.

North Carolina: Are the Panthers your favorite football team? I don’t like football.

North Dakota: Have you seen Fargo? Nah but it’s been on my watchlist for yearsssssss. Just never got around to it.

Ohio: Did you watch The Drew Carey Show? Nopes.

Oklahoma: What is your favorite musical? Miss Saigon.

Oregon: Did you ever play the Oregon Trail game? No. Never heard of it.

Pennsylvania: Do you watch It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia? I don’t, but I’d love to get started on it. I’ve heard nothing but good things about the show.

Rhode Island: Who is the smallest person you know? The youngest person I know of (making him the smallest, I guess) is my third cousin Jethro. He turned 2 this year.

South Carolina: Do you think Aziz Ansari is funny? I know him but I’ve never seen his material.

South Dakota: Who is more interesting: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt or Abraham Lincoln? All of these people are a blank slate to me considering I know very little about each of them. But if I had to pick a book to read about these four, I’d go with Lincoln. I feel like you had to have done very intriguing things to be assassinated while watching a play, so I’d like to know more about his life and his views.

Tennessee: Who is your favorite country singer? I don’t have any.

Texas: Do you like barbecue or Tex-Mex better? Tex-Mex.

Utah: Do you know anyone who is Mormon? Not in real life, but I’ve read of famous personalities who are.

Vermont: Do you get the full autumnal colors in the fall where you live? No, no autumn here.

Virginia: Are you a virgin? Nopes.

Washington: Do you like grunge? It’s alright.

West Virginia: Do you like the mountains? Sure. I’d love to travel somewhere with great mountain views...I think it’s why I enjoyed Sagada a lot.

Wisconsin: What's your favorite kind of cheese? FETAAAAAAAAA. Love mozzarella on pizza too.

Wyoming: Do you love westerns? Eh, I can’t say that. The only western I ever enjoyed was Breaking Bad.

[yepiamthesmileyface]

got tagged by @spacemaverick to answer these 20 questions then tag 20 people i wanna get to know better! kudos, bro.

1. Name: Libby/Len

2. Nickname: uhh some people call me Wiz/Wizard and my friend called me Lion’s Mane for a bit. also libster, libs, etc

3. Zodiac sign: pisces!

4. Height: 5′3.25″ at last measurement

5. Languages: english, 4 high school years of ASL, and like...a tiny bit of german

6. Nationality: american

7. Favorite Season: fall, definitely

8. Favorite Flower: i like....honeysuckle...and lavender...and hyacinth...

9. Favorite Scent: petrichor!! and baked goods

10. Favorite Color: pur 🅱️ le

11. Favorite Animals: cats!! love cats very much

12. Favorite Fictional Character: from what thing holy shit i have so many faves. uhhhh first one off the top of my head is......the entire msa gang i lov them a lot

13. Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate: hot cocoa baybee!! everything is so very bitter

14. Average Amount of Sleep: like 10 hrs but like.....not the “early to bed” type of ten hours

15. Dogs or Cats: cats!!! love cats!! love cats very much!!

16. Number of Blankets you Sleep with: one Big Heabvy blanket

17. Dream Trip: with friends. please god let me do anything with friends. i Will rob a 7/11 if it means spending time with my friends

18. Blog Established: uh fuck okay gotta check....this current blog was the one i remade 2 years ago after the first ns.fw ban that made me unable to view like half of my mutuals’ blogs,, but technically i’ve been on tumblr since fuckin. 2014. what the fuck.

19. Followers: a hot 251 baybee

20. Random Fact: i’m gonna go to culinary school in the fall so i have a reason to make people try my food hacks (ie chocolate cereal with root beer instead of milk)

non-obligationing tags: @nemesis-is-my-middle-name, @iwasntyeti, @captain-harry-kim, @the-nerdy-bookworm, @nebulous-rain, @drnogender, @arthurtristankingsmen, @transcloudstrife, @manlethotline, @noodleroni2, @cartooness, @flash-the-geist, @brokenpyjamas, @kirincult, @soporifik, @calculator-menace, @pokerus101, @answrs, @theoriginal-madsblogs, @chantillyxlacey

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 5 (Cont.)

Tsubasa ruminates about her current situation in her Symphogear Brand Safety Capsule of Absolute Dunces.

“aight ive done seen the light lemme at that sweet, sweet taco bell”

Meanwhile, some old ass politicians rumble about Relics.

“im old.”

But they immediately get fucked up in a nasty car accident.

As it turns out, the Americans were waiting to intercept these old crones to steal The Goods.

And holy fuck are they are American. Personally, I feel the writers of Symphogear watched Die Hard and immediately went “these people are fucking animals”. That’s just me, though.

“ooh ouch oh mmm ouchie ouch oooo ouch”

They tear into these people with an almost machine like efficiency.

These people don’t fuck around. There’s a strange surreality around it given that this is honestly pretty accurate to how brutal special operatives can be, but the Japanese accent they have in their English voices is... a bit jarring.

“IM BACK FROM THE MALL, YA’LL”

“oh god she’s back”

“ah, ryoko. as per your lingo, quote, ‘i like your new gucci boots... bitch’ was that good? im not fond at cursing at women unless its a mutual training session”

Genjuro alerts that the Minister of Defense for Japan has just been assassinated.

“shits bad”

Conveniently... Ryoko’s phone was broken. In her defense, it’s 2012. Battery life didn’t have the bragging rights it had now for phone.

“i personally use a razer flip phone. those will never go out of style!”

Ryoko manages to show them the box the Americans were trying to get. Suspiciously...

There’s a bloodstain on it.

So the main struggle right now is that the Bad Guys(tm) want to get their hands on Durandal, which is a completed relic that is hidden away miles underneath the school in the 2nd Division Labs.

This musty, old, shitty sword has immense power. Almost Godlike.

“hey why dont we just use the sword to beat up the bad guys”

The sword was handed from the EU to Japan for Japan to safekeep, and in exchange to forgive some of the loans the EU owed Japan should the EU economy collapse.

How topical.

“i read a lot of beserk and honestly im pretty sure someone beats up the bad guys with that dumb sword”

“listen nerd, we’re not doing that dumb weeb anime shit. we’re taking this sword to a vault to the bottom of parliament.”

“thats right. who needs anime when you’ve got nicholas cage.”

And so, they plotted to deliver this dumb sword tomorrow.

Ryoko logs into Runescape.

Fun fact: Fulcanelli is a reference to this dude, who was a French alchemist whose identity nobody really knows. Alchemy is a concept that will come up during GX that has no relevance whatsoever during these first 2 seasons except in some passerby jargon. This as just a cute thing I wanted to point out.

You know, that’s a pretty sexy sword upon closer examination.

“thats the dark souls of swords”

“ah! a fellow gamer! im glad that you too partake of the souls of darkening. would you like to play a two player match somtime, fellow Gamer?”

“I would genuinely rather eat shit for the rest of my life!”

The scene ends. Alright, where are n-

Oh God we’re back to this bullshit. Okay then.

Miku, reasonably, is upset that her wife is gone for several hours for increasingly sketchy reasons. Much like an estranged wife going to see her “tennis instructor” for “private tennis lessons” in the “safety of their house, which has a tennis court”, Miku is worried that Hibiki is a liar liar, pants on fire.

Nose the size of a wire.

Hibiki, feeling the fear of God, quickly bails this increasingly tense situation.

Miku is suffering, and so am I with this hamfisted writing.

“you didnt even try the cookies i made out of frustration for you. i designed them all after me with increasingly angrier faces”

“im too young for a divorce. fuck, those cookies smelled good”

Hibiki decides to not sweat it anymore, opening a magazine and WHOA WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS I DONT REMEMBER THIS WHEN DID HIBIKI GET HER HANDS ON THIS OH MY GOD

“HELL NO IM MARRIED THE DEVIL CANNOT TEMPT ME”

Hibiki closes it up to reveal the relevant part of this magazine.

This is subtle, but it’s basically a vehicle to explain how things are covered up for Symphogears. Ogawa walks in, talking about how this headline was his doing.

“i wasn’t joking when i said we were literally the NSA”

Hibiki is happy that Tsubasa has been freed from Metaphor Limbo, having escaped the Water Metaphor Dimension back into real life.

“she literally wont stop talking about taco bell and honestly its killing me inside”

“shit ill get her some”

Ogawa does some schpiel about teamwork and asks Hibiki for an idea on what to do with Tsubasas image even though he’s supposed to be the manager and it’s just general prattle.

Everyone gets briefed about the delivery. Ryoko’s soccer mom van sticks out like a sore thumb. Nobody on the Lydian campus asks why there are 5 cars outside the building with men in suits and fucking Hibiki standing there with them why are these children so fucking incurious.

“this feels like the world’s most important weed delivery, but im going to deliver the SHIT out of that weed”

“hibiki please its not weed”

“ALRIGHT FAM LETS DELIVER THE SHIT OUT OF THIS WEED”

Big thick black cars surround Ryoko’s tiny vehicle as they all drive in unison to the drop point.

No fucking around here. The weed must be delivered.

The weed? Secured as shit.

“its not fucking weed it’s a goddamned french sword okay god”

“ROAD’S LOOKIN’ A-OKAY FOR OUR WEEEED DRIIIIIIVE”

PSYCHE, NO IT AINT. ROAD’S CRACKING UP HARD. COMES APART, CAR FUCKING EXPLODES!

“oh my god we seriously arent fucking around here those guys are fucking dead”

“bruh you never delivered weed before? that shit happens all the time”

“anyway grab on to something ‘cause we’re gonna initial d this shit”

“i thought we were delivering WEED not SUSHI”

“WEED... SUSHI... IT’S ALL FUCKING METAPHORS, HIBIKI. AND WE’RE GONNA DELIVER EM!”

“now ORDER UP, MOTHERFUCKER”

Every car is destroyed.

Ryoko flips the car like nobody’s business.

“ryoko! the kansai drift was too strong!”

“your delivery’s late, pal. that’s gonna have to come out of your tip.”

“jokes on you! you already paid the tip beforehand online!”

“oh, we’re going with pizza jokes now? is that what we’re doing? yeah, sure, whatever”

Unfortunately, Chris ordered her pizza with meat, extra crispy.

“FUCK, i cant see anything. now i don’t know if they have the weed- i mean, the sushi- er, the pizza- god i hate all these JOKES”

RYOKO SUMMONS A FUCKING SHIELD OUTTA NOWHERE WHILE HIBIKI’S KNOCKED OUT COLD

“yo hol’ up a moment did this pervert manage to summon a shield”

“are- are you able to fight the noise? are you fucking kidding me? this entire time when literal children were fighting these battles, you literally could have fought back effectively? are we but mere playthings to you? is this really the bullshit im seeing?”

“uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i can only make shields. piss shields, out of piss”

“that is absolute fucking bullshit”

“but i believe it.”

Hibiki has primed her fists and is about to show how much she’s improved combat wise, which is actually a lot.

Nevermind, she tripped again. Turns out, Symphogears fight in heels constantly, which is absolutely fucking horrifying. Hibiki realizes this, and then

FUCKING BREAKS THE HEELS LIKE NOBODY’S BUSINESS.

AND THEN SHE WRECKS SHOP WITHOUT BREAKING A GODDAMN SWEAT

“oh shit how the fuck did she improve this quickly”

The suitcase where the sword is stored opens up. That means it’s activating.

Immediate fear.

“alright bruce lee you mightve mastered a thousand kicks but you better change your gameplan because im about to realign that pretty little face of yours”

“thank god you kicked me. needed you to get closer so i could kick your ass, after all”

The fucking suitcase, I shit you not, pops open immediately with the sword flipping to the sky like a bad Gmod toy as it suddenly stays floating, perfectly still.

“ive officially lost track on what the hell is happening”

The sword just floats there, as a sword does.

“you know how many fried turkeys i can cut open with that bad boy? that shits mine now.”

Chris goes to get it.

“fuck you! im going to slice HONEYBAKED HAMS with that sword!”

Hibiki intercepts it and takes the sword.

Now Hibiki becomes a proud Stand owner, having acquired the power of The World and stopping time at will.

“oooooh holy shit”

Hibiki, now channeling the power of Durandal, feels the raw strength of a completed relic all through her body.

Real spicy stuff running through her veins.

The power unleashing itself into a raw stream of piss skyrocketing into the stratosphere.

“the pizza has been delivered... all according to plan...”

“...she was right. honeybaked ham was the superior meat to slice...”

Hibiki is channeling a power source so ancient, so powerful, that through using her as a conduit, the sword actually finishes itself into its full, completed form.

Holy shit, Hibiki.

Goddamn. That’s a really sexy sword, actually! Pretty nice...

...oh.

You’re not looking so hot, pal...

“why is it that every opponent of mine can literally asspull all this garbage and im stuck here looking like a bad kamen rider villian getting my ass kicked every time. its not fair.”

Ryoko looks extremely hyped for this event. Maybe a little too much so.

“MAN FUCK THIS NONSENSE IM PUTTING AN END TO THE SUPER SENTAI POWERUP”

“O-OH FUCK- uh, i didnt say that. totally swear. you uh, keep doing that. yeah. aha.”

“SLICED...”

“...HONEYBAKED...”

“oh god. oh god. im sorry. im sorry. im so sorry. oh fuck im so sorry. honeybaked ham is better. fuck turkeys. fuck drumlegs. fuck any sort of fried meat. honeybaked ham is better please im begging you dont vore me or slice me in half IM BEGGING YOU OH GOD”

“...HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!”

“ham..... mmmmm... honeybaked ham....”

“WHO YELLED ABOUT HAM? god, im hungry now.”

Hibiki wakes up from it all after passing out, expressing a power of magnitudes unheard of, as if it were all a bad dream.

“YEAH THATS RIGHT WE HAD TO DELIVER THE WEED PIZZA AND I WANTED HAM AND- THE SWORD, YEAH! THE SWORD!”

To her disappointment, amongst this wanton destruction, no ham was found. Ryoko clues her in that Hibiki just single handedly completed a relic, and though the entire place is a mess, the mission wasn’t a complete failure. They’ll just have to return the relic back to base, now the entire location is, conveniently, destroyed.

“yeah yeah. the weed made it. the sushi made it. the pizza made it. what didnt we deliver today?”

“...”

“singing really does make you hungry, huh?”

[gingercullenboy]

Movie Commentary Monday: Episode 1

Hello everyone and welcome to the very first episode of Movie Commentary Monday (or as i call MCM, which sounds ridiculous by the way) where I express my thoughts on a movie while desperately trying to be funny (and usually fail).

There will be dozens of side comments in brackets because I talk too much, sorry in advance.

This week’s movie is:

Isn’t It Romantic (2019)

Directed by: Todd Strauss-Schulson

Writing Credits: Erin Cardillo (screenplay&story), Dana Fox (screenplay) & Katie Silberman (screenplay)

Stars: Rebel Wilson, Liam Hemsworth, Adam Devine, Priyanka Chopra, Betty Gilpin, Brandon Scott Jones

Summary: A young woman disenchanted with love mysteriously finds herself trapped inside a romantic comedy.

(thanks IMDb)

Now, buckle up folks, it’s gonna be a loooooong ride. Let’s get down to business!

(this isn’t a Mulan reference)

Why is the Mom so bitter about happy endings? I bet she has seen things...

They don’t make movies for girls like us. 

THIS!!! LINE!!! IS!!! SO!!! IMPORTANT!!! 

That single sentence just basically summarized the entire history of Hollywood and you can’t argue with me on this. The evidence is there (sorry i’m bitter like mom) (i’m full of rage like younger john mulaney)

Natalie’s (Rebel Wilson) apartment is a mess and is so tiny, it’s like screaming YOUR FUTURE HOUSE at me, it’s unbelievable

Fucking finally, a realistic view of New York; smelly, crowded, and filth everywhere (not that i could ever know, i don’t live there but i’ve seen metropolitans before)

“STOP THE CART WITH YOUR BODY” WTFFF I’M CRYING THAT’S SO RUDE

Ok, Natalie’s a nobody at the workplace, even though she’s a fricking architect. UNREALISTIC TO ME

That co-worker and office manager can choke, that’s all I’m gonna say

Ohmygod, Whitney (Betty Gilpin) is so cute, I’ve seen her 10 secs in and I already love her (lovey dovey characters are always my faves)

JOSH (Adam Devine) IS AMAZING, ADORABLE DORK, PROTECT HIM AT ALL COSTS

LIAM HEMSWORTH’S AMERICAN ACCENT GOT ME SH00K!!! He just said “Goddamn it” and I am already hooked

Who puts whipped cream in a coffee? ME, BITCH

I PUT WHIPPED CREAM IN MY COFFEE BECAUSE BLACK COFFEE TASTES LIKE SHIT, SORRY THAT I’M NOT TOUGH AS YOU

Natalie says nice guy with a nice life and it... kinda bothers me. It’s a reaaaally generic expression and a bit insulting if you think about it bc if you don’t fit that person’s standards of being nice with having a nice life, it discourages you (in this case, you=man). So when Josh said “I’m a nice guy with a nice life” I thought ‘Of course you are’ bc he is in my standards. What I’m trying to say is that rom-coms have stereotypes on not only women but also men. Yes, it is sad.

Awwww Josh has a crush on Natalie *wipes happy tears* but she thinks he’s looking at the model billboard LMAO SAME, NAT

I’m so done (but it’s also so relatable, bc i’m like Nat but with less cynicism)

WHITNEY’S DESKTOP OMG

PAWSITIVE VIBES???? I WANNA MARRY HER SO WE CAN WATCH ROM-COMS WITH CATS ON OUR LAPS ALL DAY TOGETHER

Natalie was on the subway and a stranger waved at her. Then he tried to mug her. Then she knocked herself over. My mom always says don’t talk to strangers and I see why. I’m 22, if you’re wondering *clears throat* Moving on...

OH MY GOD SHE WOKE UP WITH THE MAKE-UP ON AND A NICELY DONE HAIR WITH FLOWERS AND STRAWBERRY DRINK ON THE SIDE, I CAN’T-

Oh, hello Mr. Morningstar... *wiggles eyebrows* (quick note, i don’t actually watch Lucifer but i really like Tom Ellis)

She just ripped her IV and blood didn’t spill everywhere, yeah this is a rom-com alright 

She’s dressed from lost and found and she looks like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman-

NO WAIT, THE ENTIRE SETTING HAS CHANGED

HOLY SHIT ‘A THOUSAND MILES’ BY VANESSA CARLTON IS STARTED TO BE PLAYED BY A RANDOM GUY ON A BIKE AND HE PLAYS IT FROM THE STEREO ON HIS BIKE I’M CACKLING

ENTER LIAM, HE LOOKS SO GOOD I CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE (i’m a thirsty hoe, your suspicions are correct)

What the fuck does beguiling mean? *checks dictionary* oh, okay *is weirded out now*

HE’S AUSSIE NOW, THEY’VE DONE IT, HE’S KEEPING THE ACCENT, AND I’M HAPPY AGAIN

...Birds form a heart while flying... Uhhh... Strawberries and champagne in the limo... Rich as fuck, my poor ass can’t relate

NATALIE’S STREET HAS CHANGED, TOO

He’s giving her flowers already? Ok- NO WAIT

HE JUST WROTE HIS NUMBER ON MULTIPLE FLOWER PETALS AND HANDED TO HER, IS HE FOR REAL LMAO

“But there’s only one of you, so...” Well, this doesn’t change the fact that there are millions of ways to order the numbers, you dumbass (why is he like this)

Her apartment... Every Millenials’ dream

And... A gay neighbor/best friend who acts like an over-feminine gay (which is also a stereotype)

So, I’ll count every rom-com trope I’ve seen in 22 mins *counts her fingers* So far, I have seven tropes

The Big Presentation (eight)

Unconventional workplace which looks like a Google office (nine)

Nat is the star architect now (ten)

Rival bitchy colleague (eleven) (WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE WHITNEY, THOUGH) (SHE’S MY SENSITIVE WIFE) (oh, she looks hot)

They gave like, four other tropes in two mins and it doesn’t feel like rushed at all *salutes respectively*

The setting change is so... Like, you cannot miss it, it’s sweet and makes you feel all giddy inside, it’s so lovely, so rom-com like (does that make sense to you?)

OH PRIYANKA, SHE JUST TURNED AND I’M LIKE “Oh I’m fucked”

“Josssssssh”

Natalie keeps falling (twelve)

“MY LIFE IS A ... ... ROMANTIC COMEDY!” “AND IT’S ... PG-13!″ EVERYONE STARTED DANCING BEHIND HER I’M HOLLERING 

The subway map behind her is shaped in a heart, lovey dovey couples everywhere... And shE’S GONNA JUMP ONTO A TRAIN??? THIS GOT DARK ALL OF A SUDDEN

Officer Hansom *facepalms*

She threw the flower petals and guess what? THE NUMBERS FELL DOWN IN THE CORRECT ORDER, WHO COULD HAVE KNOWN HAHAHA (thirteen)

Y’ello

Y’ELLO

Y’E LL O

IS THIS HOW AUSSIES ANSWER THE PHONE, AUSSIE MUTUALS PLEASE RESPOND

BLAKE (Liam Hemsworth) IS SO ADORABLE I’M ROOTING FOR EVERYONE IN THIS MOVIE 

Dress up montage... Yeah- Oh wait, they cut it out what the hell fvygbuhnj I WANT MY DRESS UP MONTAGE, GIVE IT TO MEEE

This is some fancy first date though... Also leaving 100 bucks tip doesn’t justify breaking in to a store I guess??? Seems like the law has no function in rom-coms lmao (fourteen)

BUTTER PECAN??? HOW OLD ARE YOU, 200 OR SOMETHING??? WHAT THE FUCK, MAN

The rain... You know what’s coming after- Ah, and they kissed *giggles uncontrollably* YES!!! (fifteen)

THEY CAN’T HAVE SEX BC IT’S PG-13 (liam’s abs, though) *bi scream*

Her apartment makes me cry, it’s so beautiful (ok i’ll stop counting from now on bc i cannot keep up anymore)

Also the romantic tension between Natalie and Josh................ I have no words

Isabella (Priyanka Chopra) calls Josh ‘Mush’ and it’s so f-king cringey, I swear to God sxrdctfvygu

STOP OVERSELLING NEW YORK, WE KNOW IT’S NOT THAT GOOD

I can talk about Blake for five hours, he’s so fucking funny lmao

Donny (Brandon Scott Jones) is such a gay sidekick, he comes out of nowhere and talks weirdly but he makes me laugh so I’ll give him a pass

NOW WE’RE GETTING SOMEWHERE, NATALIE’S GONNA STOP ISABELLA&JOSH’S WEDDING

That musical scene is everything, and Natalie hits that high note H AR D

GET IT, GIRL

Blake............ no-

I ROOTED FOR YOU, WE ALL ROOTED FOR YOU, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT-

Oh my, he’s a certified douchebag, I should’ve guessed, I’m so disappointed in myself 

Unexpected wisdom coming from Donny who had no function to the story other than appearing beside Natalie at random times (again, rom-com trope) 

BUT at least he made her realised who matters to her the most

Slow motion running!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Her boobs are like sxrdctfvyg SHAKING AS SHE’S RUNNING ESXRDCTFVYB (as someone who has big breasts, i relate to that so hard) 

“Yoga Ambassador. Yoga. Ambassador.” “Ambassadors are for countries, not for streching.” Dang, Nat!!!

She finally realised she loves herself! Awww, that’s so sweet and empowering and I can’t get enough of this!!!! Yes, to love someone else first you should love yourself!

Oh she crashed the car and went back to reality

Another hot doctor???? Wait, I’m confused- No, false alarm, she’s back and her real doctor is tired, is also swimming through lawsuits LMFAO

She pulled her IV and blood SPILLED EVERYWHERE AS IT SHOULD BE, THANK GOD

I’m glad that she’s happy with what she’s got and she didn’t decide to keep what she’s been doing but instead, tried to take care of herself, it’s such a good message to young girls and I cannot praise this enough

PLOT TWIST, DONNY IS ACTUALLY REALLY GAY AND HAS A BOYFRIEND AND IS ALSO A WEED DEALER OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE THE TWIST SO MUCH 

Natalie!!! Is!!! Confident!!! Now!!! I’m literally living for this *throws hearts to the screen*

OH MY WIFE IS BACK, HI WHITNEY I LOVE YOU MY SWEET SUMMER WIFE I MISSED YOU

Nat stormed into that meeting and she’s. on. fireeee

Real Blake is as jerk as ever, no surprise

Using parking lots as metaphors would never cross my mind but ok I guess???

Fuck, he said “What does beguiling mean?” I’M LOST FOR WORDS, THIS MOVIE SXDCTFVYGU

JOSH HAS BEEN LOOKING AT NATALIE FOR THE WHOLE TIME, NOT THE SWIMSUIT MODEL, WHO COULD HAVE THOUGHT???

ps. me and probably everyone else except Nat lol

EVERYONE SINGS

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

I REPEAT, EVERYONE SINGS AND IT’S SO GOOD

LIAM PLAYS THE SAX HOLY SHIT HE’S SO HOT I’M GONNA FAINT

Priyanka with that rose.......... Consider me dead, thank you

“It’s hot as fuck” tcfyvgubh probably true

Overall, I would give this movie 7/10 because of the message. Plot is nicely done and I got see basically every single rom-com tropes. At total, I counted 23 tropes I guess? If I could look every minor detail, I would count more but I won’t get into it that much for now. (i’m running late to a meeting with friends so i have to cut short)

I loved the production design, setting felt like I’m in a classic rom-com movie and characters were written accordingly. Every actor in the movie has fit perfect to me. I especially loved Priyanka and Liam because 1) I’ve never seen any of her movies and 2) It’s been a long time since I watched a Liam Hemsworth movie (i only watched hunger games, so you think about it lmao)

I guess that’s about it! I have a list for the next weeks’ movies but if you have a request then tell me so, I will watch your recommendations first! I appreciate comments; if you have something to add, please do. I will read every single one of them.

See you next week!

[dude1sh]

DittyWitty MasterList!

I’m making one so y’all can have some easy access to my fics. I’ll be updating this every time I have a new one.

Michelle Jones's Guide to Getting Peter Parker's Head out of His Ass

Chapters: 1/1

Pairings: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker

Characters: Michelle Jones, Peter Parker, Wade Wilson

Tags: Roommates, MJ is a Good Bro, Recreational Drug Use, MJ is a stoner lesbian fight me, Smoking, Drunk Peter, Pining, Michelle Jones POV, MJ-centric, not 1st or 2nd person, Oblivious, Cuddling & Snuggling, Twilight References, Peter is an Idiot, Wade is an idiot, Watching Movies, MJ is a bit nosy, MJ is a good ass friend, Getting Together, Teasing, like not sexual teasing like friend teasing, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Non-Graphic Violence, Artist MJ, Crushes, High thoughts, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Sharing a Bed, Eavesdropping, Drunk Texting, well more so peter tries to drunk text, MJ is a good friend, Making Out, you better book an appointment with the dentist after this fic

Word Count: 7,782

Summary:

MJ knows Peter’s Spider-Man. He’s not exactly subtle. However, Peter doesn’t know that she knows.

But He’s acting differently. He’s been smiling more, letting things go and seems to be overall just in a better mood. He sometimes stares off into the distance, a smile dancing on his face and his eyes twinkling.

She knows Peter, and that boy has got a big ‘ol crush. She has a feeling the person is from his weird nighttime hobby/moral obligation, for he’s been secretly/not-so-secretly leaving earlier than usual.

Here’s what she doesn’t know: Who the fuck he’s sneaking out for, leaving MJ all alone. She would be bitter if Peter wasn’t so happy.

OR

Peter and wade are disgustingly in love, yet so annoyingly oblivious to each other’s very apparent attraction towards one another and MJ has seen enough.

-----

The Permanent Slumber Party that is Wade and Peter's Living Situation:

Chapters: 1/1

Pairing: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson

Tags: Domestic Fluff, BUT THEY AREN’T EVEN TOGETHER, Pining, Cats, Jealousy, yes peter does get jealous of a cat, Confessions, Nicknames, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Roommates, Moving In Together, House Sitting, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Nightmares, Angst, Fluff, holy shit so much fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, have your dentist on speed dial for this one, First Kiss, Banter, Cat Walking, Wade has a Pet Cat, no freaky kinky shit okay!!!!, MJ is a stoner and that is canon fight me, Recreational Drug Use, very brief though, its like 200 words of it, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Humor, Attempt at Humor, i think its funnnyyy soo, Kidnapping, but its a cat, so its more like catnapping, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Slow Burn, Peter Parker-centric, stupid villain, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Sickfic, Denial, Not talking about feelings, Not-Boyfriends, Halloween, Angst with a Happy Ending, Non-Graphic Violence, Cuddling with cats, Crushes, American Vandal Season 2 spoiler, Drabbles

Summary: Peter has done some pretty embarrassing stuff. Mostly in high school, you know; calling his bio teacher Mr. Gilien "Mom" even though his mom is literally dead, or that one time he got caught making out with Daniel Radlin in his high school bathroom, or that one time he made a fake account to follow some girls from his high school so he could creep anonymously. To be fair he was 13 at the time. 

But Peter had never stooped as low as being jealous a cat.

That was, of course, until Wade adopted an annoyingly adorable orange tabby named Judy.

Word Count: 8,305

-----

Didn’t Seem to Be this Way:

Chapters: 1/1

Pairing: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson

Tags: Confessions, Feelings, Fluff, Angst, Light Angst, BOXES, Attempt at Humor, Identity Reveal, Identity Porn, Kissing, Staring, Wade Wilson-Centric, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Self-Esteem Issues, Self Confidence Issues, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Humor 

Summary: Wade had always wondered so many things about Spidey, mostly wondering what Spidey’s dick looked like. Aside from that, his list of “Essential Things That I Need to Know About Spidey” (yes, he has a list, it’s on his phone) contains other important questions. Such as: his type of toothpaste, did he own an Apple Watch (they were gonna have problems if he does), sleeping position, blood type, if He’s circumcised, blah blah blah. you know the deal.

And of course the ever-growing wonder of what he looked like underneath the mask.So why the fuck is Wade covering his eyes right now?

OR

Spidey is ready to tell Wade who he is, but Wade doesn’t know if he’s ready.

Word Count: 2,135

-----

The Bro-Out of all Bro-Outs that actually was a Date:

Chapters: 1/1

Pairing: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson

Tags: Oblivious, Stupidity, Wade is just an idiot, boxes, Attempt at Humor,  Self-Esteem Issues, Miscommunication, First Dates, but Wade doesn't know it's a date, Wade-Centric, Sappy Ending, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Accidental rejection, Denial, Angst, but like for .00003 seconds, Fluff and Angst, Fluff, So much fluff lol, Peter is a Sad Boy

Summary: Confusion ensues when Wade blindly agrees to some random thing Peter said, he would know what it was but the boxes were yelling about steak tacos. 

OR

Wade really, really needs to get better ears. Or a better brain. Or a better attention span. Really just a lot of things.

Word Count: 3,632

-----

Distance: 

Chapters: 1/1

Pairing: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson

Tags: Angst, "nothing says angst like unrequited love and a dead ex"-my beta, Unrequited Crush, Mental Health Issues, Gwen Stacy is Dead, Grief/Mourning, Peter Has Issues, Shame, Anxiety Attacks, Suicide but it's wade, He comes back, Watching Someone Sleep  Banter, Unrequited, Pre-Slash

Summary: Peter stumbles upon a sleeping Wade.

Word Count: 4,980

-----

Nobody’s Business:

Chapters: 1/1

Pairing: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson

Tags: Coming Out, Denial of Feelings, Sharing a Bed, Friends to Lovers, Drunken Confessions, Flirting, Bad Flirting, Fluff, Little bit of angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Sexuality, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues

Summary: Peter really wasn't supposed to out himself to Deadpool.

Word Count: 5,925

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Who said that Lake Houses were for Snooty Rich People?:

Chapters: 4/4

Pairing: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson

Characters: May Parker, Peter Parker, Wade Wilson, Michelle Jones, Gwen Stacy, Ned Leeds, Original Characters

Tags: Fluff, Mutual Pining, Pining, Sharing a Bed, lake house, cottages, Summer Vacation, Beaches, Uncle Ben is mentioned, Angst , Cuddling, Domestic Fluff, they aren't even dating though, BOXES, Self-Esteem Issues, POV Alternating, Sexual Tension, Jealousy, Misunderstandings , Watching Someone Sleep, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sappy Shit, Moving In Together, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Making Out, Love Confessions

Summary: When MJ ditches Peter for their yearly bro-trip to Aunt May's cottage, Peter takes Wade along instead.

Pretty Bad Idea (capitals needed) considering Peter was head over heels in love with the guy.

Word Count: 17,973

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SERIES: Basically when I'm high I do weird shit: 

This is just straight up shit-posting of dumb stories that I write when I’m high/drunk. Don’t take it seriously. 

[moirasimagines]

closer | william (westworld) x reader

a kiss prompt from @transowenharper turned into a full-fledged one shot lmao. william’s shitty evening takes a turn for the better when the reader shows up.

word count: 1,900

warnings: none!

you’d been out of grad school for about two years. it was a strange, almost liminal space. gone were the sleepless nights penning your thesis and the grueling internships and the bullshit. you hardly knew how to live without all of it. the universe, however, was keeping its eye on you.

there was new bullshit to deal with now, thank you very much.

you had never really been lucky in love. it was frustrating. people were always supportive, telling you that eventually you’d meet the right person, or that everyone was foolish not to see how special you were. you did your best to believe them–– you did believe them, usually.

sometimes, though, it was difficult.

for instance, tonight your roommate had dragged you out to a bar, insisting you give it a go even though all you could think about was the profile you were working on for the end of the month.

it was about a man named logan delos, the heir to an incredibly successful business empire. once he realized you had no interest in sleeping with him, he began to blow you off almost without fail. you ended up spending more time with his brother-in-law, william. he, at least, had no ulterior motives, being engaged to logan’s sister. and he actually seemed interested in helping you get something published.

even so, you felt like the biographer of a biographer. the more william told you about logan, the more you knew about william. you’d begun to toy around with the idea of taking an entirely new angle to your editor: delos incorporated’s inside outsider. you were sure they’d laugh you out of the office if not the building itself.

it made you crazy, how little recognition someone like william got in the business world. he was genuine and smart and kind. he was a rare breed, and you seemed to be the only one who could recognize it. the logan deloses of the world would never capture your readers’ hearts the way william could. the way he’d captured yours.

but he was engaged, and so you didn’t give it a further thought.

well… sometimes you did. he didn’t seem all that happy. he hardly spoke about his finacé, and when he did, it was with a conservative and withdrawn respect. it was admirable, but hardly the stuff true love was made of.

so even when you were consumed with work, a part of your heart was consumed with william. how could you resist falling for the first person in ages who really took you seriously? who seemed to think you had what it took to make it? sometimes you thought you’d never get the damn article written.

even with all that stress, there you were at the bar, perched in a corner, your roommate scanning the crowd. he knew your type all too well, and since you clearly weren’t going to do the work yourself, he spotted someone for you.

“hey,” he murmured, nudging you to get your attention. “check that guy out over there. looks like he was made for you.” you looked up half-heartedly from your drink and your eyes widened.

“jesus christ, i know him.” your roommate raised an eyebrow.

“how?”

“from work. he’s the brother-in-law of the guy i’m supposed to be writing about.”

“jeez. that explains why he looks so miserable.”

“i’m gonna go talk to him.”

“hitting on a subject? that’s bold, even for you.”

“what? no, i just want to see if he’s all right, you perv. and he’s not the subject. even if he should be.” you gave your roommate a pointed look and he chuckled at you as you walked off. you rolled your eyes at him over your shoulder, and he swiftly began looking for a place to crash overnight–– just in case you needed a little privacy later.

william was tired. he was a little sad, sure. scared, even. but above all, he was so goddamn tired. with his gaze pointed towards the ground, the tips of your shoes were what first alerted him to your presence. he looked up, already prepared to get out of someone’s way or to politely excuse himself from the bar because he was bumming out the patrons. he was surprised to look up with apologetic eyes to find you standing at his barstool.

“oh, y/n. hi,” he said straightening up and smiling. “how are you?”

“i’m all right,” you replied. “i, uh... just wanted to come check on you. i saw you over here and it... looked like you weren’t having such a good night.” you bit your lip, hoping the observation wouldn’t offend.

he nodded, half shrugging. “you got me. ah, actually... it’s not great news for either of us. james delos fired me this afternoon.” your jaw dropped.

“are you serious? your own father-in-law?” william let out a humorless chuckle.

“no, no... not for a while now, actually.” you nodded slowly, eyes wide. “they wanted to keep it quiet. less gossip. but, ah...” he simply shook his head, at a loss for words, it seemed. you had to admit, you were a little bit horrified. sliding into the stool beside him, you laid a hand on william’s shoulder.

“i’m so sorry, william. that’s... that’s really terrible.” he gave a little wave, dismissing the thought.

“eh... nothing to be done.”

“i... i mean, you could fight it! go back, tell them they can’t just fire you because your relationship didn’t work out. they can’t fire you over nepotism–– i’ve seen your work, it’s brilliant. you’re one of the most diligent people i’ve ever met!”

his smile grew wistful as he watched you speak. the fact that you became so impassioned–– especially over him, of all people–– warmed his heart.

“it wasn’t anything like that. i think more than anything, they weren’t too happy that i was speaking with you... about the profile on logan.” your eyebrows rose.

“...oh.” oh. “holy shit,” you murmured, “please tell me i didn’t get you fired.” william’s brow furrowed.

“no, no no, god. if anything, i... i think i might have gotten you fired, actually.”

you hated to admit it, but hearing that was the biggest relief you’d had in months. “i’m sorry, y/n,” he went on, “i had no idea that they would––” you shook your head.

“no, don’t apologize. that piece was sucking the life out of me. how could i write an entire, honest article praising logan’s business practices? he’s like a schmoozing, flirting, glorified test-dummy.” this made william laugh.

“well then, maybe we’re both lucky we got out when we did.”

“i’ll drink to that.” you motioned for the bartender. “two glasses of champagne, please.” william arched an eyebrow.

“what are we celebrating?”

“freedom.”

----

when you checked your phone an hour later, your roommate had graciously elected to couch surf with a friend for the night. you frowned at the screen, half annoyed that he presumed you’d be so forward with your now-former colleague and half annoyed that he was right.

“everything okay?” william asked as he tugged on his coat.

“yeah,” you said, slipping the phone into your pocket before he could see. “yeah, just... my roommate. he met someone and went home with them and wanted to let me know.” it wasn’t the furthest thing from the truth. it was half how you had expected the night to go anyway.

“well, then let me walk you home.”

“oh, no, i wouldn’t want to put you out,” you replied, feeling guiltily like you’d laid a trap and he was falling right into it.

“don’t be ridiculous. It would be my pleasure. least i can do after you bought me a drink, eh?” you couldn’t help but smile.

“well then... how can i refuse?” he grinned in return.

“that’s the spirit.”

the night was chilly, but not overwhelmingly so. your apartment wasn’t terribly far, but the walk was long enough that it gave you time to talk.

“i really am sorry that you were fired,” you said softly. “especially for any hand i might have had in making it happen.” william stopped and looked at you, shaking his head.

“you don’t need to keep apologizing. in fact, you’ve done me a favor.” you smiled a little crookedly.

“how’s that?” you asked, head tilting to the side. you squinted, trying to get a read on him. william gestured for you to forge ahead, and he followed.

“my whole life… i just wanted to make something of myself. i wanted to be normal, i wanted to be successful, i wanted to be worth something. and i spent so much time chasing this… this american dream horseshit. and it wasn’t until now that i realized it wasn’t doing a single thing to make me happy. getting fired... i thought it would be awful–– as soul-crushing as i imagined it to be.” you slowed your pace as you approached your apartment, and william followed suit. “but it was a relief.”

his eyes were practically sparkling, and they fixed on yours hypnotically. you couldn’t tell if you leaned in first, or if he did, but within moments your lips molded to his and his hands were in your hair. he kissed you sweetly, but with fervor, like you were water to a dying man. when the kiss broke so you could both breathe, he didn’t let go of you, and you didn’t want to move. your foreheads touched gently, and you let your fingers curl in the fabric of his coat.

“i’m sorry,” you murmured, despite yourself. it still felt like you were taking advantage of him, even though the feelings you had developed for him were clearly mutual. he shook his head, nose brushing delicately against yours with the gesture.

“you are… the first person…” he said earnestly and in between breaths, “to see me in my life. in the past few weeks, i’ve felt more of a connection to you than i have ever felt... with anyone. and you are the one who taught me that i needed to be brave enough–– to take a chance, and tell you.”

you were stunned for a moment, completely unsure of how to deal with such a beautiful outpouring of emotions. his grip began to loosen in your hair, hands drifting down to your shoulders. you could feel him start to hesitate, to begin to apologize, and you pulled him closer, one hand tightening around his waist and the other cupping his cheek. this kiss was deeper, more desperate, and at once you knew where william would be sleeping tonight. your lips parted again, and this time it was your turn to speak, the words turning to vapor against his lips in the cold night air.

“i see you,” you murmured, looking at him through your eyelashes. “i see you. and i want to keep seeing you for the foreseeable future. fuck everyone else–– everyone else who doesn’t see how special you are.”

“and how special you are.”

“yeah,” you replied, bolstered ever higher by his kindness. “do you… do you wanna come upstairs?”

“you have no idea how long i’ve been waiting to hear you say that.” his voice was mischievous, and he stole one more kiss before letting go of you long enough for you to unlock the door. he didn’t let you stray much further than that for the rest of the night.