#ambi speaks

[code-name-rain]

"Yuma lost his memories so he's a bad cook now" this and "Yuma horrifies the other detectives whenever he tries to cook" that. Fools. Cowards. Throw canon out the window with me. Instead, make him a fantastic cook with absolutely no understanding of how he's producing any of these meals. The memories may be gone but the instinct of knowing this stew needs a tiny bit more onion is not. Get out of the way of the stove, Yakou, Yuma is running on autopilot and is about to show you how to properly prepare butter. Just don't break him out of his groove or else he'll realize he has no idea what he's doing and then the dinner will really be ruined

[butchharts]

hello... this is so nervewracking posting my voice . please be kind

[rosenfey]

🍄🍂 anyway new palia update preview has me foaming at the mouth 🍂🍄

[resolutepath]

something that sticks out is the way you emote, i know you said you like dialogue, but sometimes when im reading your stuff on the dash, im always struck in awe of how i can feel your muse's emotions through your writing. that no matter who you're writing, there's always this sense of self within that that jumps out at me, like i can heart their voice as i'm reading whats going through their head. it's just a really nice detail that makes me so giddy ? idk it's nice and it makes reading your writing and writing with you just a pleasant experience

ambie you are so kind, too kind to me, but I'm so glad that you feel the emotions conveyed to you, that the muses feel individual and its pleasant writing together. I really enjoy writing with you and feel like we bounce off each other well, so you definitely make it very easy for me to do this. Please know I am grasping this tightly as I go to bed, because this has put me in the greatest mood. I'm looking forward to writing so much more with you!!

What is something about my portrayal[s] that sticks out? // accepting!!

[nomgooster]

so uh .... I think when I found out being called "princess" gave me a very weird euphoric chest heave-y feeling a few years ago maybe that should have been a sign, y'know?

[dracolizardlars]

I now have 6 shiny Oinkologne

I can say with absolute certainty that catching all of these ugly fucking pigs took me less time than I've spent completely failing to get either Reuninclus or Litwick, which are Pokémon I absolutely love with incredible shinies.

[ambyandony]

btw just thought id mention . there are certain words i hate the past tense of and it would sound much better if the past tense was the same as. like. i guess the base form or whatever?? just for the sake of sentence flow and articulation mostly.

"He gritted his teeth" just sounds clumsy. also petted. to me it feels like the past tense should be grit & pet. like 'put'. you wouldn't say 'putted' because it isn't only grammatically incorrect it also sucks in sentence flow. i know there are people who do use 'pet' in past tense but 'officially' I'm of the understanding the past tense is 'petted' (maybe i'm wrong?)

i think it's something about the 'tt' right next to the 'd' idk what it is tho. It's kind of like having to jerk to a sudden stop & then make a weird jump linguistically? or maybe it's sorta like verbally going down a bumpy road?

like i know 'he grit his teeth' isn't standard, and I think it's technically wrong, but it just sounds much better than 'he gritted his teeth so. i feel like i should just use 'grit' and make that sacrifice

also dont like 'rested' (specifically "he rested his hand on _") but im pretty sure thats just a personal thing not an actual sentence flow issue. so i wouldnt argue that one

[metalnim]

🦧🗡️🐈‍⬛🕊️

i was aroace. glory was more like a sister to me than anything.

she was. very literally. my first and only friend. for a long time.

i lived nearby her village for a few years — i think i met glory when we were around six or seven, and the whole…eugh, didn’t happen until we were eight or nine.

fast forward to a thousand years in the future, at the end of the movie canon, and… something about what i did to take out the cannon or something, like. brought her back to life, i guess.

it was. weird. she was my age now, bust last time i’d seen her has been when we were kids.

i kept an eye on her from a distance. she stayed with ambrosius since he was her last living descendant, despite being old enough to be her dad.

potential ? suicide cw: i think it turned out that nineteen had been the age she’d originally died at. she’d either rebelled against the people in charge and “tragically fallen in the ensuing chaos” (i call bull) or she’d straight up hanged herself in her chambers. there were a lot of theories.

either way, she was. reminiscent of adora spop, actually. in terms of looks. pretty much exactly like this.

i was, uh. not a fan of this development. that was part of why it took me so long to come out of hiding and say hi to ballister.

she was pretty confused, though, and since bally knew about what’d happened between us by that point… i ended up getting stuck on something that was half playdate, half babysitting duty. and half awkward arranged marriage courtship. and all dad with two new foster kids.

i remember one time we went to an aquarium, and i turned into a shark and, uhhhh. got pretty Menacing. not proud of that. and she just stormed off to who knows where while i abused the credit card he gave me in the gift shop. and also shoplifted from the gift shop.

(bally was pissed, but i was like, well, that’s what you get for sticking me with my sister with no supervision!)

-

unrelated bullshit that won’t quit bugging me until i write it down: ballister’s amputation was like. somewhere between a forequarter amp and a shoulder disarticulation. idunno how to explain it. his arm had a ball, his shoulderzone had an implanted socket.

[code-name-rain]

Howdy. This is currently a sideblog for misc fandom stuff. Made this blog on a whim so we'll see how it goes.

Call me Ambrosia or Ambi for short, I'm a plural system that likes to come up with AUs to the point of complete absurdity. My base pronouns are plural they/them but if you want to use neopronouns you're allowed as long as you make them as creative as possible. I want to see pronoun sets I could never have conceived of.

Regular tag for my original posts is "Ambi speaks" and interacting with others will be "Ambi chats". If you see any AU idea here you want to expand upon or create based on, feel free! And let me know when you post something based on my prompts/rambles so I can go check it out!

[cityofmeliora]

notes / thoughts on Terzo's characterization (Terzo is so disappointed and depressed and i love him)

a few weeks ago i saw this post from slavghoul which has snippets of TF describing the Papas. it includes this quote:

“He represents this frustrated old guy who hates everyone, especially himself. But despite his wounds and his darkness, he has a sense of humour and is endearing, like most of my heroes. The late actor Christopher Lee was an inspiration to me. In many ways, he is Papa.” (Metallian 7/2015)

i thought this quote was really interesting because i'd never seen anyone talking about that side of Terzo before. Terzo hating "everyone, especially himself" felt at odds with the charming personality he typically displayed. i wanted to know how that developed and where his "wounds and darkness" came from. so i did some digging for quotes on Terzo's history and characterization. here are my notes + thoughts:

something that came up again and again in my research is that he is actually quite antisocial when he's not performing. it seems like he didn't want people to know anything about him past his stage persona.

TOUR MANAGER: No one in the crew really gets to see or speak to Papa, ever. Only Anna and myself have access. He is not in the building and then he'll just be there, just for show time. The only thing you really need to know about Papa is what you see of him on stage. Ghost - The Devil's Hands (Documentary) (2017)

he almost never interacted with any of the nameless ghouls or the tour crew. in fact, he really went out of his way to avoid them. he traveled separately, would appear right before the start of a show, and then he would disappear as soon as it ended. in "The Devil's Hands", it showed they sometimes had trouble locating him when he was needed.

With this new era, can you introduce Papa Emeritus III? NAMELESS GHOUL: I don't know him very well yet. We haven't really done our mileage with him, so I am sure that we will find out. But he seems nice. He seems okay. Obviously, he's very close relatives with Papa number two, who was a little bit of a hmm. I'm sure that he isn't like, completely different, but we'll find out. He's a bit of a recluse, and he sort of travels on his own. And he sort of appears when we're due onstage and then he disappears when we're offstage. So yeah, I guess we have a little bit of a social disconnect there, but I don't see a big problem with that. I mean he seems to be doing well on his own, and I don't know if he has a little harem somewhere that occupies his time offstage, I guess. I'm assuming that. Loud TV (July 2015)

INTERVIEWER: How has it been working with the third Papa? How is he fitting into the group? NAMELESS GHOUL: We like him, actually. He seems to be quite nice. Obviously, we haven't really done our "miles" with him yet, so we don't know him that well. And he doesn't travel with us- he sort of goes separately everywhere, and he appears just before the show and then he just disappears. So we haven't really had the time to sort of fully get to know him. But overall, he seems quite a joyful chap. Metal Injection (September 2015)

predictably, his bandmates did not know him very well. but they always remarked that they liked him and that he seemed like a nice, chill guy. (they also assumed he had a harem that he spent time with when he wasn't performing, which is probably not true, considering how much effort he put into avoiding people whenever possible.)

NAMELESS GHOUL: We don't really socialize with Papa, so… But he seems nice! But he's very occupied in his harem. [...] He's a little bit cooler. He seems to be the nicer of the two brothers --I don't know if there are two-- but he seems to have, I don't know, a kinder mother, probably, or something that makes him slightly.. INTERVIEWER: A little different. NAMELESS GHOUL: Yeah, he's a little bit different. AMBY (October 2015)

i don't think his charming, pleasant demeanor was just an act, though. i think it did come from a genuine part of himself... he wasn't always an antisocial recluse.

before he became Papa, he was a cardinal in Krakow, Poland. Bishop Necropolitus Cracoviensis (the character representing Zbigniew Bielak, the artist who does the album art for Ghost) characterized younger Terzo as having enthusiasm in all his endeavors. he was always a very devoted member of the clergy who had big dreams of progress and modernization for the Ministry and the world. he had a strong interest in Futurist art and philosophy.

Bp. Necropolitus Cracoviensis remembers: "...our relationship goes a long way back to the times before his papacy, that is when he was still a cardinal in my hometown, in Cracovia...(...) Although we had our share of juvenile recklessness - be it indulging his beloved cream pies - allegedly verging on six hundred sixty six portions a year but that must be a rumor I believe, or wild parties at the attic of seminary school (laughs) - even in his formative years, he remained a focused man of vision, looking far into the future, always addressing his people's needs and longings to keep our church together in those turbulent, rapidly changing times (...) there were so many temptations to syndicate among our good people (...) (...) We would sit down to studying exciting Futurist manifestos, sketched the blueprints of utopian metropoles, spiked with shiny skyscrapers stabbing at the heavens belly... Wantonly swollen zeppelins would to carry our gospel of indulgence to the farthest corners of the globe to summon and enslave. (...) Forged in nostalgia of steam and fire, this brave new world of ambition, vice, lust and greed - all so inherent to the enlightened modernity, was always with him through all these years. And it is now - when our church continues to grow stronger and wealthier under wise reign of Papa Emeritus III - that these visions may finally be witnessed and embraced in the preachings of 'Meliora' - his most contemporary and humane Encyclical." (https://www.facebook.com/thebandghost/posts/994031900615606)

those core values of ambition, vice, lust, and greed stayed with him when he became Papa. though he had a revolutionary spirit, he's actually described as "less rebellious" in Metal Myths. Terzo took his job as Papa very seriously, and he cared about being successful and achieving his goals. while he and Secondo certainly had vice, lust, and greed in common, it was Terzo's ambition that truly set him apart.

"It felt like the goal was to take Papa II's sense of modernity and remove the recklessness." Metal Myths: Ghost Pt. 2 (April 2022)

How would you describe the personality of Papa Emeritus III compared to his predecessors? NAMELESS GHOUL: "First of all, Papa Emeritus III is an entertainer! He loves projectors, he loves the public, and he loves success. The first Papa Emeritus was someone very rigid, very strict, and very solemn. A real son of a bitch! (laughs) To be honest, we don’t miss him at all! Papa Emeritus II was a pervert a little bit sadistic, and, in hindsight, I think he wasn’t very at ease on stage. He wasn’t a showman, unlike Papa Emeritus III! Him, he’s the guide we missed to rise up the quality of our shows, to reach the step above and communicate with our fans." (MyRock #44 (2017) translated from French by @ a-wandering-ghoulette)

unfortunately, his ambition eventually led him to become disillusioned and depressed.

Terzo looked forward to becoming Papa. he worked so hard for it his whole life, only to be confronted with the realization that his time as Papa --and therefore his achievements-- would be limited.

he was a nice guy, but he was also was egotistical. he was a showman and an intellectual, and he thought very highly of himself.

NAMELESS GHOUL: He's a little bit more chill. But obviously, all the Papas are definitely pompous assholes. INTERVIEWER: That's part of the job. SPECIAL GHOUL: That's one of the criterias, the prerequisites, that you have to be this sort of flamboyant diva, know-all, show-off. Metal Injection (September 2015)

his self-hatred came from his inability to be the person he wanted to be. it's not that he felt like he couldn't measure up, it's that he felt like he wasn't allowed to express his full potential. Terzo's mindset was "i know i'm good enough. and i could prove it if they would just let me." but he wasn't really in charge, and his vision was at odds with the goals of Sister Imperator.

Terzo felt so stifled, it makes sense that he became a "frustrated old guy who hates everyone, especially himself."

and i think this is the reason for the paradox of him having a kind, charming personality onstage and being unsociable offstage. he still gave it his all. he did the best he could with the time and resources he was allowed. that zealous man of the people was still in there somewhere. but he felt betrayed by the clergy, the organization he dedicated his life to. his career ended up being unfulfilling and he was ultimately really bitter about the way things turned out.

he was good. he never got to be great.

[babblingpipit]

Personality Hire

Yes, I am academically gifted. Dari SD sampe kuliah seringnya jadi yang paling jago di kelas. Bahkan PhD pun ngerasa "ah bisalah ini mah". Jujur baru mulai "agak ketinggalan" tuh setelah di Harvard, yang mana sepertinya isinya adalah orang-orang paling ambis dan priviledge di planet bumi ini yah. Jujur postdoc-postdoc yang PhDnya dari kampus tier B seperti Swinburne mungkin bisa dihitung jari. Sisanya lulusan Princeton, Yale, Caltech, Max Planck, Oxford, Cambridge, dkk wkwk. Itupun mereka yang dari SMAnya mungkin udah boarding school dan S1nya juga di kampus-kampus tersebut diatas.

Makanya ku merasa ga mungkin ada disini kalo cuma dari jalur akademik wkwk. Akupun udah ikhlas aja ga mau ngebanding-bandingin achievement sama kolega. Karena udah ga masuk akal bahkan kalo dibandingin sama populasi postdoc in general. Contoh: postdoc secara umum tuh jarang bangett yang jadi invited speaker di conference international, sementara postdoc disini mengeluh karena kebanyakan undangan buat speaking di conference.

Tapi yang kusadari adalah aku punya skill yang membantu banget di karirku, yaitu people skill. Sepertinya yang punya peran lebih gede dalam karirku adalah people skill ini, jadi lebih mudah connect sama orang dan kolaborasi. Juga kalo presentasi bisa lebih connect sama audience jadi deliverynya lumayan. Akupun suka advokasi dan mentoring junior, bahkan meski ga dibayar. Jadi bisa dibilang lumayan esensial lah buat grup dalam hal kolaborasi dan mentoring. Makanya relate banget sama postingan di ig tentang personality hire (cari deh kocak-kocak banget) yang kerjaannya dengerin orang curhat dan kasih solusi.

Jadi gapapa pit differentiate sama orang lain mulai sekarang just by being yourself. Toh sainsnya pun ga jelek (ga yang cemerlang juga sih wk). Semoga selalu dikasih rejeki untuk bisa bermanfaat di bidang astronomi ini sesuai dengan bakat yang kupunya aamiin.

[goldenheart-supremacy]

Nimona-verse but it's slightly altered Disney dialogues...

The Director: I only had this one shot. The Director: Two to three entire decades worth of planning to get rid of that commoner, knight wannabe. The Director: And it all went up in smokes BECAUSE YOU WERE WEARING. HIS. MERCHANDISE Diego, chagrined: His... Official, certified armor actually... The Director: GAAAAAAAAAAAH!

-Hercules

Ambrosius: Bal! Will you get over here and give me a hand? Ballister, throwing his prosthetic at him: Ambrosius: Ambrosius: That's cute, and I really love you... BUT THIS IS SERIOUS!

-Toy Story

Ambrosius, taking deep and calming breaths: I am more than a descendant of Gloreth... Nimona: Nimona: If you start singing, I'm gonna throw up.

-Moana

Ballister: You might survive longer if you stop shifting. Nimona: I don't want to survive, I WANT TO LIVE!

-Wall•E

The Director: THAT THING... Ballister: Her name is Nimona. The Director: What? Ballister: She has a name. The Director: It's not supposed to have a name, a name makes it more relatable... The Director: NOW PUT THAT THING BACK TO THE SHADOWS FROM WENCE IT CAME, OR SO HELP ME!

-Monster's Inc

Ambrosius: You... Ballister, grinning expectantly: Ambrosius: You fight good. Ballister, deflates: Oh, uh, thanks. Queen Valerin, clearing her throat: While red roses are absolutely divine and at times, the obvious choice, there's an enchanting beauty to a black rose that may appeal to you more. Ambrosius and Ballister, confused: Your majesty? Queen Valerin, speaking plainly to Ambrosous: If you choose to give Ballister Boldheart, formerly Ballister BLACKheart, your heart, then redo that entire thing and TELL HIM.

-Mulan

The Director: You can talk to me. Ambrosius: [Don't let them in, don't let them see, be the Gloreth descendant they want you to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let her know! Don't let her—] Ambrosius: No, I'm fine.

-Frozen

Ambrosius: Bal, I know we had our... Issues the last couple of hours, but I'm ready to hear you out and be a better boyfriend to you. So, how about we just grab some nachos and... Hug it out? Ballister: Hug. It. Out? Ballister: You chopped off my arm. Ballister: You were going to have me arrested without hearing me out. Ballister: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!

-Encanto

The Director: I should've known a filthy commoner like you would foolishly decide to befriend a monster. Ballister: Nimona's no monster, director. YOU ARE!

-Beauty and the Beast

Ambrosius: And after years of planning, planning, and planning for the asking... He finally said yes. Ballister: Ambi~ Ambrosius, groaning: Fiiiine~ He asked me. Ballister: And he said yes, so we're living happily ever after and working on adopting Nimona. Nimona: Yes, yes they are.

-Tangled

[crushingcasanova]

hbgbhfhf id.. really fit all of that.. but i. i. honestly am a bit nervous to pursue you, because im worried you wont like me. but i love rambling and listening to people, im literally so close to turning sixteen like its less than a quarter year away.. im obsessive, im persistent, and the being the last darling thing would actually fit my jealous tendencies, however im poly/ambi and okay with other darlings being in the picture. i also have my own darlings, but i honestly wouldnt want any more either.. so yes. um!! all that

-🫧

At the end of the day, I think you should do what you're comfortable with! I'd love to get to know you more and you've always been a pleasure to see in my inbox, so if you wanted to just speak--with no pressure of pursual--I would be okay with that anyway. Or not! Whatever makes you most comfortable, in the end, is the best decision for you. You don't need to force yourself to socialize or put yourself out there, but I'm sure I wouldn't dislike you. It takes a lot for me to dislike people, admittedly,,,

I'll keep note of what you've said, too! You really do fit my criteria pretty well ^^ how suprising! What do you look for in a darling too, sweetheart? I'd love to know, if you're comfortable with sharing!

[gotjacobian]

Travel journal-type posting, just describing some of the stuff I've gotten to do in Japan.

Day 1: Got off the plane, got through passport control and customs with minimum issues (I fucked up my entry date bc time zones and had to hold up the line while I fixed it whoops). Took the subway to Yokohama, also screwed that up because I was hopped up on benadryl and still only managed to sleep for 2 hours at a time max on the plane. Unscrewed it up with the help of a very patient attendant, made it to the hotel. I bought takoyaki and a highball from a place across the street from the hotel, which reminded me that I don’t actually like takoyaki. It’s too mushy. Then passed out.

Day 2: This was my full day in Yokohama before the conference. I beelined for a 7-11 to get the canned coffee I like and can only get here (and some pastries), then went to a park by the baseball stadium to eat it. Then I took off to try and at least see the (closed :( ) gundam factory exhibit. There was a triathalon in the way, so I spent awhile wandering through parks to get around it and get close enough for a picture. There were tons of beautiful gardens, and lots of people taking photos of their costumed dogs there? Like, 3 dog photoshoots for every presumed child/romantic partner photoshoot. They all seemed very happy to chill in the flowers and get fussed over.

In general Yokohama is really well suited to my kind of travel wandering - going along the harbor coast takes you through a couple different gorgeous parks and past a few museums, and also gives you a great view of the water. I ended up going into the doll museum, and immediately learned I had vastly overestimated the amount of english they’d have on the exhibits based on their website. I speak basically no Japanese, so used an image translate app a lot. That’s wasn’t an option the last time I was in Japan in 2019 - it was really useful! I drained my battery using it on basically every single plaque in the museum. The style of the exhibit captions felt different than I’d expect from a US museum. They were often more anecdotes from an artist or curator than they were descriptions. I’m curious to what extent that was cultural or was something lost in translation? The translations I got definitely weren’t perfect, and seemed to get worse the more anecdotal or conversational the material was.

The exhibit that attracted me to the doll museum was called “Why do we create objects that look like humans?”. It had exhibits of historical dolls and sculptures, as well as installations from modern artist and dollmakers. A lot of it touched on an inherent alienation in recreating the human in the nonhuman, and the ways all depictions of the human form are exaggerated in ways we sort after the fact into “beautiful” or “grotesque.” I liked it, but honestly wanted it to be more like, embodiment philosophy-y. Very much a me problem.

On the way back, I stopped by Yokohama’s Chinatown. I feel like it was much more of a tourist attraction than the equivalent in Boston or SF - lots of street food stands and people hawking specific restaurants or palm-reading services. Lots of panda-themed merch. It was VERY crowded. I bought a single pork bun for lunch, wandered through a few stores, and then ditched to try and find somewhere calmer.

A friend recommended that I check out Kaganecho, the arts district about a half an hour walk along the canal from where I was staying, so I went that way. I immediately saw a lot of signs advertising an “Art Bazaar” that was supposed to be happening in the area. There were people wandering around with tickets and brochures. It took me an hour to figure out how to get one - I was saved by stumbling on a performance piece that was part of the exhibit, a woman playing a song by hitting a series of bowls with wooden mallets, that just happened to be scheduled right then. It was right under the train line, so you got the loud rumbling drowning her out every few minutes, and also the ambient city sounds of bikes and children and wind under her playing. When she finished, I stalked some people who were watching with me and finally found the office that could sell me a ticket.

The “art bazaar” is a yearly exhibition in a series of apartments converted into studios in the few blocks around a particular train station. You’re given a ticket and a map where some of the buildings were marked. You wander around to find them, go in, and there’s Art there. I’ll probably post separately about this, honestly. It was one of the coolest gallery experiences I’ve ever had. The theme of the exhibits was “The world through no art”, and a lot of the material directly engaged with the history of the area - a neighborhood that housed a lot of bars, brothels, etc starting from the US occupation in the city post WWII, which were forcibly evicted in the 2000s, then later replaced with the studios as part of a city initiative to ‘rejuvenate’ the area. I went to every single exhibit that was open and stayed until I was about to pass out from the combination of walking and art feelings. I chickened out of going to a restaurant alone when I was already exhausted, and instead grabbed a katsu sandwich from 7-11 to eat in my hotel room.

Day 3: Start of the conference. It was raining horribly, and I have big fears about walking in the rain with my laptop, so I skipped the first couple hours until it calmed enough that I felt okay buying and using an umbrella. The conference was in this giant exhibition hall on a peninsula in the city that was all fancy hotels, shopping centers, and an amusement park. My maps app kept trying to get me to walk THROUGH the amusement park to get there, which was a kind of ominous experience when it was empty and raining. I met with some friends and labmates, we got Singaporean food for lunch (chicken and rice), and went to some of the afternoon talks. There was a welcome banquet where a guy performed with Kendamas (japanese toy/prop with a wooden ball attached to a wooden thing with cups and a spike). He did a bunch of poi tricks with them, and seemed to be having the time of his life. They also opened the expo, where I discovered they did at least have the gundam head from the gundam factory exhibit left over (still cannot believe they would close it a month before the robotics conference). Me and one of my former labmates got dinner at a katsu place that claimed to be the oldest in the city. We had to split from the group to get it, since there weren’t any vegetarian options there, but it was really good. I discovered that my hotel is like 1/10th as fancy as any of the other conference hotels, idk what happened. Very jealous of the main venue hotel people who had a room overlooking the harbor.

Day 4: Got there in the morning, did some conference stuff. We got sushi for lunch in this giant mall right next to the venue. I ditched for half an hour in the afternoon to wander through a different park by the harbor, which was also very pretty. All the greenery is very green and the water is very blue. I took another break to try and work some on my paper, since I feel bad for not doing more of that, but finding a place with decent wifi is hard. I meet back up with my labmates to get dinner, at a nearby ramen place with vegan options. I got their signature yuzu shio ramen, which was good, but I still prefer the pork-based styles.

Day 5: Is the day I’m helping present. I go to my coauthor’s presentation and then stand with him at the poster session, and get to talk to a few people. I’m surprised how fast the paper comes back to me, even though I haven’t really thought about it for at least a year at this point. I get lunch with another labmate at a milk-themed restaurant in the mall. I’m weirdly charmed that in Japan, “milk” is a flavor? And that there are prefectures proud of their local milk? The restaurant has both western-style food with cheese or cream as ingredients, and a milk and cheese bar where you can get bread, spreadable cheese, and toppings. I run back to the hotel before the conference banquet, get lost in the other hotel the banquet is in, finally arrive and realize all my labmates are either ditching or got a different banquet venue, so I sit with a very nice person from the university of edinburgh I met at the poster earlier that day. I talk about firespinning and mugs because I’m incapable of not doing so. Every one of the venues has a different style of food and performance - ours performance is actually a lion dance, which is notably… not japanese, put on by students from a school in the local chinatown. It’s still really impressive, especially given that they did it between the tables people were eating at. Like, I’ve attempted to be a base for a cheerleading toss once, and it was hard for 3 people to hold one up - these performers were jumping on each other’s shoulders the whole time, while puppeting the giant lion. They kept having it pretend to eat the heads of the people it walked past, it was a good time.

I spend an hour or two that night on my Quest, which is that I saw some kind of peach jelly drink in exactly one vending machine early in the trip and didn’t buy it. Now I want it, so I’ve been wandering through the city inspecting vending machines to try and find it again. Tonight I wander up and down this shopping center street that has a lot of them, in the rain, but no dice. I buy peach flavored ice cream at the 7-11 instead and reaffirm my mission.

Day 6: I wake up feeling bad, in both a stress and a physical way. I stay at the hotel and work on my paper, then go to a nearby cafe and try to work on my paper, but they don’t have wifi. I go back and end up sleeping, which I feel bad about, but probably needed - I can get disconnected from my own tiredness levels when I’m doing extended crunch time for a project, and I’m trying to be more aware of that. I don’t go to any of the conference stuff, but do leave at one point to get the local kind of ramen from a place I saw recommended online. The style is called ie-kei, and is an emulsified mix of pork broth and shoyu with chicken oil, served with pork, seaweed, short noodles, and spinach on top. I redeem myself by ordering and eating in the restaurant alone. It’s good in a comfort food way. I go back to the hotel and alternate working and sleeping, and end up skipping dinner with my labmates because I still feel gross.

Day 7: I feel better when I wake up, but have already committed to skipping this day of the conference because I’m going to Osaka. I find another cafe that actually has wifi, and eat there to do some work in the morning. Tangent - people really go nuts for the egg salad sandwiches here, and I don’t get it. I tried one and thought it was tasteless and had that bad cooked egg yolk texture. Super not for me.

I check out of the hotel and take the subway to Tokyo station. I get there an hour early because I forgot when my train was, so wander around the station for a while. It is SO crowded and there are SO MANY stores selling train bento, souvenirs, boxes of desserts to give as gifts, etc, and every single one has a designated salesperson shouting into the void. It is the most sensory-overloading, maze-like place I have been in my entire life. I take great pride in managing to eventually actually find the internet-recommended places to get ekibento for the train. I buy one with more traditional food, and one kids one that comes in a fake JR train freight container, because I really want the fake freight container. I also get an apple-custard pastry and a crepe with cream and melon ball topping. And then I am exhausted, and still too early for my train, so I stand by the platform and am extremely confused when someone asks me for directions (correctly assigned english-speaking person who knows where the ekibento are at the tokyo shinkansen station, I guess).

I do get on the train eventually, and eat one of the bento (I save the second because I am worried the person sitting next to me is gonna judge me for eating 2 bento, one of which is definitely meant for children, but I will eat it eventually). I said I was gonna do work but instead I’m writing this and watching out the window of the train. I feel like everyone has their travel fixation - my grandparents laugh about how when my mom and brother would go on trips as kids, they’d get disposable cameras. And when they developed the photos, all of them were of ponds, lakes, coastlines, because they grew up in the west texas desert. I grew up in the flat, flat Texas plains, and now I’m like that about mountains. This train goes straight through them, and right past Mt Fuji. It gets to me how distinctive the landscape in japan is - I’ve looked at a lot of traditional japanese art as like, a precursor to modern styles in comics, because I find it interesting. And I feel like I looked at some elements of that style - atmospheric perspective, depth through stacking flat layers of scenery, the specific abstract-seeming way Mt Fuji gets drawn - and assumed it was entirely an artistic choice. But like… Mt Fuji just looks like that. The landscape just looks like that, with the fog and the layered mountains. The green is such a specific shade of green, and the blue is a specific shade of blue, and the buildings are all such a particular faded palette in a way I feel like must make Japan instantly recognizable on geoguessr, a game I am very bad at. I love looking at the cities and buildings, too - I wish I knew the words to describe the specifics of the style and design. I feel like I'm getting increasing city architecture obsessed these days, despite not having that language. Getting to see it is the bit of travel that really makes me feel like I'm experiencing something I couldn't anywhere else. I'm gonna find my hotel in Osaka once I get there, hunt down some food, then will probably try and do some more work before bed. Then tomorrow, in theory, Osaka castle and whatever else seems compelling.

[tellurian-in-aristasia]

Please excuse what is probably some of the worst graphic design I have ever done, as well as the use of the word "gender" which I believe the Aristasians particularly disliked, but as a mere bongo, I find the word "gender" much more understandable when speaking with my fellow bongos about such a topic. A lot of criticism, back when the Aristasians were active on the internet, was aimed at the concept of Blonde and Brunette, and how they were just "reinventing gendered stereotypes", but I do believe that the Aristasians had a fairly ahead-of-their-time concept of gender.

Generally, Aristasians believed in 4 genders: Mascul, Femin, Celani, and Melini. On top of this, it seemed like it was perfectly acceptable to be somewhere in between, or identify as multiple genders, sometimes referred to as "Ambis".

However, to the Aristasians back in the day, the genders weren't necessarily free floating, but rather along a scale of feminine to masculine, and not every gender-mix was doable. Little has been said, by the Aristasians, about transwomen and transmen, and it's difficult to say if it was a "rules for thee, but not for me" situation, but some hullaballoo had been made about "genuine" women, and the statement had been made by a high-ranking pette in Aristasia that, to their knowledge, no Chelouranyans have been born into a male body.

That being said, the Aristasians seemed to be, more or less, accepting of at least the idea of trans individuals along the femin/mascul scale, and there is even mention of Rhennish rituals to change one's gender in the old The Coming Age magazines. They also seemed to recognize that many femins were not necessarily nestled neatly in the femin box, and while some of them may be along the sliding scale towards mascul, other's were closer to chelani or melini. Many Aristasians (and later Chelouranyans, of course), who considered themselves chelani or melini didn't even consider themselves as female, but rather as something else completely. Similar to the modern idea of xenogenders. They just so happen to view their genders on a scale of feminine to masculine, and some complete genders happened to be firmly within the sphere of femininity. To the exiled Aristasians, these were strong, and personal, identities, that those of us out in bongo-land weren't quite ready to accept at the time. And while I feel that there are many things to criticize about the Aristasian subculture (of course, another word they probably would have hated), but I never really felt it was fair to criticize their concept of gender identities. But, I am just a bongo, so maybe my understanding of Aristasian genders is very incorrect.

[metalnim]

hey, i’m nim. one of @merlynic. fictive weirdgirl freakthing. more below 👇🏼

nimona / nim / nails

full name is something along the lines of nimona boldheart, but i’ll answer to whatever

postcanon fictive

— exomems

she/they/it [ BEGINNER ]

any pns [ INTERMEDIATE ]

your pns [ HARD ]

all of the above [[METAL]]

Bonus Challenge: freak/freakself

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ageslidey emotionally stunted child who can legally drink

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alright uhhh tags tags tags-