#am i your least cool mutual. be honest

[acheronist]

putting on canary in a coalmine by the police. opening up john torringtons wikipedia page. scrolling to the death and autopsy portion and looking at it for hours

[takes1]

i am really in love with the way you write asahi!!!! really looking forward to part 2 of tipsy playfighting with him 😊😊😊

[final part] asahi getting rough with petite!reader

hellooooo thank you so much!!! was thiiiis 🤏close to doing a daddy kink thing, chose not to because that's kind of polarizing. like... pineapples on pizza

warnings. heavy nsfw, minors DNI

details. fem!reader / rough sex / f!rec oral / asahi is the perfect dominant / submissive!reader / aftercare king / fingering / mutual size kink / playfighting kink / rough play kink / power struggle fetish / pseudo-bdsm themes / pet names / mentions of subspace / mid-sex communication / being way too loud / daichi being a great friend / 3.5k words

links. my masterlist. my ao3. more haikyuu. part one here.

'Kind of' made you stall at the top of the stairs.

The second floor, you realized, was all bedrooms. Your legs got heavy, your heart beating like a panicked bird in a cage.

It was ironic. Your ability to handle him downstairs came naturally, but as soon as you had some privacy, it all got intimidating.

Asahi paused after turning the corner. He eased back against the wall with a breath. He glanced to the staircase one more time to make sure nobody had followed you.

"There's nothin' to help with," He laughed, rubbing the side of his stubbly face, "I just- yeah, that was a super lame excuse, actually."

You stood with your hands clasped in front of you, a polite smile, trying to flex all the shivers down. Your crush on him reached its peaks and valleys throughout your years in school together. It reached a happy medium until tonight, starkly reminding you of your old, pushed-down feelings.

He was wicked cute, and that whole performance downstairs was cut too short.

A big breath led to a bigger sigh, "I really wanted to kiss you."

"Me too," You said, with almost no time to let his words settle.

Asahi covered his automatic laugh, and you shared a wholesome moment of mutual, nervous relief.

"Well, uh-," He seethed, eyes up to the ceiling, face much warmer, "If we're being totally honest-,"

The cheers downstairs cut him off. It sounded like Kageyama might have won his match, but neither of you cared.

Asahi suggested, instead, "Should we- go somewhere more private?"

Although you nodded, you weren't sure where he had in mind until he showed you into Daichi's bedroom. You raised your brow, taking in his posters, his books, the layout, feeling a bit guilty that he wasn't in here.

"Oh, I made sure it was cool with him if we- um, talked, in here," He explained.

The supportive body language from those two made infinitely more sense, but you doubted it that ended at 'talking.' You kept your excitement under the surface, for now.

"Right."

He sat on the mattress, a little invested in the feel of the sheets, by the way his hand slid and prodded over the thread count. The ache between your legs was starting to make your whole body cold.

Daichi had those glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling, and you didn't want to leave it up to Asahi to fill the silence, so you tried, "How long do y'think he's had those?"

There were at least 20, you counted. When you looked back down, he was relaxed forward, elbows rested on his knees, with his face in his hands, staring straight at you. Screw the ceiling.

He cleared his throat, his eyes flickered dismissively up, "Oh, um- forever, I'm sure."

Asahi was a terrible liar. You were glad he was honest with you in the hall, because he had zero capacity for beating around the bush. His intentions were spoken for, but now they were transparent in his clouded, almost tormented eyes. He made it seem difficult to look at you without touching you.

"You said you wanted to kiss me, right?" The decision to make it easy for him was met with a huge shift in his expression, an ease you saw, earlier, that spread as he ran his hands along your sides.

A gentle brush of his thumb across your cheek, "I did."

Kissing him was simple- it didn't feel rushed, or confusing, at all. He made it all a pleasant and invigorating experience to follow his lead.

His fingers spread through your hair, at the base of your neck. A strong but soft pull brought you into the warm embrace of his body.

He smelled good- mostly like the aged liquor he was nursing most of the night, but a bit woody, with hint of cashmere. Even his scent made you feel taken care of.

"So," You caught your breath for a second, taking in his face as you tucked some hair behind his ear, "Are you sure Daichi's fine with us- talking, all over his bed?"

The way his eyes lit up during his chuckle made you grin, validated and light.

His lips smushed against yours again. He was lifting you up by the waist, setting you on your back with proud effortlessness. You kept your arms wrapped around his broad shoulders, getting your fill of his hair while you could.

Before he could completely forget to respond, he hummed a preoccupied, "Yeahh, don't worry about'm."

A hand pinned yours against the mattress.

All he needed was a little reassurance, and he was no longer the sheepish wimp you knew him to be. For a while, when those hot summer seasons coincided with the throws of your crush, it was fun to imagine what he might be like. Now, there was proof, and he didn't disappoint.

The growing pressure he placed on you kept you flat, and slowly limited your ability to move. It was getting familiar.

You tried to move your hand from under his, unlace it, just to touch him, but it proved impossible.

A small chuckle, a little mutter against his temple as he struck crude kisses down the side of your neck: "Can I have my hand back?"

The skin over his knuckles was tough, and his palms were leathery, firm, from all the lifting he did. His strength alone spoke for his dedication, but you felt pleased to know these intimate details about his body.

Your request was met with your other hand being taken hostage. It wasn't fast, but he did it so naturally that you didn't think to move away.

The look he gave you perfectly represented the edge under his words.

"You want your hands back?"

It was a tease-- a way of telling you 'I know you can't move, but I want to see you try.'

You grew warm under the weight of his subtle, playful pushing-- both between your legs and over your palms.

Robbed of your autonomy, but still finding yourself exhilarated by the reality of his size, and his capacity to use it well, the only thing left to do was play along with him. If he had a real thing for this, you wanted to know just how far it went, how worked up it could get you both.

A tiny attempt to pull your arms closer was met with his easy, slow adjustment to cross them instead, above your head. He kissed you through it, all warm and gentle and kind and safe-- but curiously engrossed in your inability to physically overcome him.

It sent a warm chill down your back- flexed, lingering in another ache between your thighs.

His lips were so soft, and sweet, and light, contrasted well against the slight burn of his stubble.

"Mm-," Asahi sighed, a soft peck to your cheek so he could collect himself, "You're givin' up already?"

The warm spill of his words across your face, plus the thrill of his little challenge, had you squirming, all knotted up and itching for him to give you more than just kisses.

"You--," You tensed at his slow, messy sucking along your jaw, "You-mm! Know I can't move..."

Maybe he was taking pity on you- maybe it was your whiny admission fueling a more licentious desire, inspiring him to let you go so he could start stripping you. You delighted in the chance it gave you to watch his reactions.

Soon, you were fully nude- and he was still fully clothed, with no foreseeable urgency to even the imbalance out.

Instead, he let a hand overlap your waist, eyes still busy scouring over you, "Are you gonna be okay?"

"Dunno," You mumbled, playing with his fingers as you shot a look to his fly, "Maybe you should check."

Your coquettish quip earned a hasty, rough, but amused kiss. You writhed against his weight again, this time with a justifiable anticipation at the sound of him pulling his cock out.

It was hot as it fell against your skin. A welcome feeling of closeness you couldn't get from much else, just being skin to skin with somebody else. It made you feel a bit like melted butter.

He pushed himself up to take his shirt off, all the while examining his length, pushing it down so that he could measure it in relation to your small torso.

"We'll have to, um..." You trailed, a shaky exhale at his burly, tanned physique, "Be.."

The word 'careful' fell apart on your tongue. Now he was measuring his fingers, next to his cock. One hand remained idle wrapped around the bulk of your thigh.

It was indeed fascinating how some body types probably shouldn't try to come together, like you were. Seemed like an evolutionary flaw.

Especially because the look in his eyes was nothing short of carnivorous. It was occasionally batted back by bouts of concern for the logistics of it all.

"I've got a few ideas," He smiled, real handsome, real sweet, down at you.

Curious, you watched all your favorite muscles of his work and relax again as he backed up off of the mattress, standing at the edge of the bed.

In a second, you had been pulled closer, then adjusted in front of him- it left you breathless at the simple ease of it all. You fixed your hair, a glossy and fixated admiration in your gaze up to him.

Awed, you told him in a shaky giggle, "I really like that..."

Asahi leaned over you; a timid and flattered sigh prickling up your skin, "Yeah?"

His rough hands pinched at your hips as he kissed a messy trail down your tummy.

Whispered, just as his knees hit the carpet, "I like it, too."

It was impossible to not get excited. He always stuck you as a guy with more patience than most.

Patient was a good word to describe the way he ate you out-- he may have liked to toss you around, but it wasn't out of carelessness, or negligence. It was an exploration of boundaries, a bit of power play, and this was played right into the dynamic. His performance wasn't perfect, or void of little, silly hiccups, but it was endearing and fun to discover together.

After he got you warmed up, he began slowly, one by one, pushing his fingers into you.

"How's that feel?"

It was a curious, but flirty question.

He already knew how much you were enjoying yourself, how you were trying to keep yourself quiet under your hand, struggling to not roll your hips into his hand. He just wanted to hear you.

A raspy sigh, a distracted nod, "So g-ood--,"

"Takin' me soo well," He grinned, sucking another messy kiss to you, "Y'want another?"

It wasn't exactly audible, but he was watching that sweet, desperate little expression on your face enough to know you did.

You could feel his smile spread- making your thighs flinch, your body curl at the intensity of getting stretched even further.

"You're so cute."

A mumbly admission, buzzing just right onto you. You were so full of him, reeling in how thick three of his fingers were, and dangerously close once he concentrated on your clit.

Soon you were gripping harder, twitching, then squeezing him--, "H-ah-!"

You started begging when nonverbal queues didn't get through.

"Asahi- asahi, please-ah," You huffed, starting to feel your climax rushing in, threatening to take hold of you, "I'm s-o close-!"

You thought he would stop, for favor of dragging this out longer, but he didn't slow down, nor did he let off of you. The only change was his grip tightening, gripping into your skin. A twitch of your thigh, trying to push on him, was met with a powerful pull to keep it far away, to the side and keep you opened up.

The pressure it brought only added to your rapture- he was actively getting off to watching, hearing, feeling you beg for a break. He loved it.

"Mmn-!" Pulling on his hair did you no favors, other than encouraging that slow, constant swirl of his big tongue around your swollen clit.

In the end, the harshness in your brow, in your clawing fingers, your shaky thighs, all softened under his steady hold. He felt so good taking you apart, then bringing you all back together.

Another messy kiss, so sweet- but so mean, shoved you over the steep edge.

He could feel you tighten, pulse around his fingers and filled you to the knuckle; a tipsy, crooked smile barely visible under his working tongue.

It took so long to come out of the throws of your orgasm that he was already back on top, filling the space above you. You quickly locked your legs around him, hands guiding his face up for a kiss.

His knack for multitasking never stopped. You were given so many gentle, attentive kisses as he put you in the center of the bed, where there was finally room for the both of you.

He wanted you on your elbows and knees. Numb, and tingly, and pliable, you let him adjust you the way he wanted; you kept your debaucherous smile to yourself.

You needed every second of that foreplay to take him- he was the biggest you had ever been with. Thankfully, he also happened to be the sweetest.

"Ooh my god," Your trembling was quelled by the weight of his body.

His groan was low, stuttery, at your tight pussy clenching hard all around him.

He caught his breath, a pretty moan in the back of his throat, "Shit."

His praises were loosely strung together, punctuated in little kisses to the back of your head as he placed his elbows on the mattress, at your sides. If he had been watching, he probably wouldn't have lasted very long.

It was getting rough, quickly, but you found his kind attention more than enough to keep you relaxed.

"Mm-!" You muffled a cry, fisting the sheets while he chuckled at how cute all your little sounds were, hungry for more.

In one fluid motion, he had your arms pinned; one was tucked under you, the other was extended far out in front of you. The responsive gasp was more of your body, reacting on its own, but it was an invigorating thing to consider. He was such a timid guy, so every dirty thing he said or did still took you by surprise.

It was just like how you finished your match earlier, with one big difference.

"Mmnh-aAh! Augh-ah-Mm!"

Your surprised, whiny sounds spilled free against the sheets. His cock filled every bit of you- it felt so good your breath was getting shorter, harder to catch.

You couldn't see it, but he drank that messiness up, a furrowed concentration in his brow to keep giving it to you as hard as you needed.

"You like that?" His voice was right in your neck again, buzzed.

It melted your resistance away- you couldn't even squirm, couldn't tell him yes. You were so full, so close already, that when he stalled deep and cruel, to let you think, your euphoria was barely interrupted. You cried, tearless, drooling a little on Daichi's sheets.

"You wanna talk to me, sweetie?"

The kindness in his voice right now should've been illegal. You breath was getting shaky, your vision long since useless.

"T-ell me-mm, how it feels," He muttered, still egging you on, a kiss to the tip of your ear.

His voice fell away from you, your heart pounding in your ears- you were just swimming in delectation. His warmth, his sure delivery of careful pleasure, his gravelly, well-meaning taunts. It was starting to take you far away, for the first time.

You noticed, but didn't react to his retracting hands, nor the readjustment of his weight off of you.

He was deeply troubled that you hadn't responded to him.

If Asahi had been any more experienced or confident, he would've known the clear signs of subspace-- but considering his experience ended at some casual sex, and the absence of conversation, and not understanding of either of your limits, he thought he fucked up, bad.

You were just different. That made him nervous.

Concern laced his voice quick, a sobering sound.

"Hey?" There were a couple taps to your cheek, and when you got your focus back, he was bending to try to get a good look at your face.

You gave a weak smile, "Mm?"

"You okay?"

A big stretch, an otherwise silly invitation for him to put his hands back on top of yours, "Mmmmhm..."

The way you sat back a little, pushing yourself gently onto his cock, made him take a second. A quick moment to suck in a restrained breath. Then a reserved, relieved chuckle.

"Are you- sure?" Was his last attempt. Now he was noticing the shakiness from your legs, your irregular breathing.

He put a tiny peck to your temple, fingers carefully running over your side.

You gave a close-mouthed whine and winced away at the ticklish sensation, "God-- Just fuck me please,"

When he was watching where to put his hands, he noticed your wiggly fingers, and grinned- happy to take you up on the offer, again.

He met your light pushing with stronger, steady strokes that kept you gasping- whiny, with pleasure.

Your endurance was absolute garbage, when it came to his unconventional way of treating you. Neither of you were expecting it to click so well- not as just-friends, for years, with on-and-off separate partners and countless, ill-timed crushes on each other.

It was amusing to think of how different this would make your 'friendship' now. How could you tell the team you were dating, after they watched what was essentially half of your foreplay downstairs?

This orgasm washed over you in shorter, smaller waves than the first- but it took so long to fully crest that it felt a thousand years longer.

You weren't particularly loud, this time, but now that he was paying so much attention to you, he spoke you through it with unparalleled timing.

"Good, fuck- that's good," He sighed, huffy, in your ear.

His hand quickly clasped over your mouth before you could make a sound.

Though you felt so perfect, the little scare you gave him warded off any chance he had at cumming, too. It'd have to wait for some other time. The satisfaction from getting you to this point was more than enough payoff for him.

"Good girl."

You had never felt so disconnected from your own body before. It was like you felt your climax about two rooms down the hall- and all it left you with was some invisible, heavy blanket all across your limbs.

For all that was worth, it was pretty cool.

His quiet shushing, all in your ear, was the evidence you needed that you hadn't been entirely present. You weren't sure when he started and when he stopped.

"You're okay- you're okay," He cooed, thumb gently brushing your warm cheek.

He held you incredibly still, listening, watching, for you, before pulling out.

You felt like a heavy bag of sand.

In fact, after he had shifted slowly off you and leaned closer, the way you slumped down was akin to one. Maybe more of a bag of concrete mix, instead.

It was staggering to believe your sweet, silly, nervous Asahi took it out of you, like that.

"You okay?" He was ultra-gentle, now, sliding featherlight touches over your back.

It was just enough to keep you awake.

"(Y/n)?"

You didn't realize you needed to respond. A slow, laborious sigh. You opened your eyes and were surprised to see him, once again, leaning over you to watch your face.

"Yeah..."

It didn't convince him- he looked like he was going to call an ambulance.

"I'm- tired," You went to push yourself up.

The intense quivering in your arms stopped you. Having to push back against him for so long was exhausting, and now you were completely spent. You wondered if it had anything to do with the little fight earlier, too.

He shook his head when he noticed you try to move on your own again, "Nono, I got you."

For the millionth time tonight, his ability to pick you up, from whatever position he found himself in, left you in a delighted daze. He set you so that you at least had a pillow under your head.

"You need some water? Let me go get some for you real quick."

You did feel pretty dried up. Like a dead, frail flower.

A tiny nod, and he was rushing to put on enough clothes, zipping out the door in search of water. You fell asleep in the short time he was gone, too sleepy to pull the covers over you or to roll to your side.

"Mmh..."

It had only been a minute or so.

But you felt a thousand years old, getting woken up from an ancient slumber, when a soft throw blanket was covering you- a big, gentle hand over top of it, rubbing your shoulder to rouse you.

Asahi settled to your side, watched closely as you drank, and pressed more kisses to the side of your head. He reached over you to set the bottle on the bedside table.

"Thank you," You leaned into him, then decided to give him a little edge of the blanket, too, and rested your head on his chest, "I'm okay."

"Good."

He was warm. You squeezed an arm over him.

"How are we gonna tell everyone?" You mumbled, against his tummy.

"I-... don't think we need to."

Confused at what he meant by that, you stopped trying to burrow into him, and propped up a little to look him in the face.

"Uh-," He tilted his head from side to side, a little warmth on his tan features, "We weren't...exactly...quiet."

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my masterlist. more haikyuu.

[simp-ly-writes]

The Comment's Section (pt.9)

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Pairing: Spencer Agnew x gn!Reader

─ · · SUMMARY: From less like friends (or well still friends) and more like lovers. You and Spencer are riding the wave of having a somewhat public relationship as you announce your newest project!

─ · · TAGS: gender-neutral pronouns, slowburn, fluff, light angst, cheesiness, friends that act like lovers, friends to lovers, mutual pining, attempt at humour, social media au.

─ · · MASTERLIST | TAGLIST REQUEST | PART SEVEN | PART EIGHT | PART TEN

─ · · A/N: super long update before the last one!!

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🔔 Netflix just posted! Check it out.

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Liked by (name)s_username, username01, filmingamanda and others

Netflix Get ready to be lassoed into a new series only available on Netflix Fall 2026!

Watch as your favourite stars Tom Hardy, Maya Hawke, and Owen Wilson all take roles within the wild west and star within the live reimagining of the critically acclaimed game, Red Dead Redemption. With co-stars (first/name) (last/name) and Ella Purnell also stepping into the action.

The only question left is will you also be saddling-up for the adventure of a lifetime?

View all 14,998 comments

username01 HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE COOLEST FUCKING NEWS TO DATE- PERIOD.

(name)s_username I'm so incredibly thankful for this opportunity. Already have my boots and cowboy hat ready and waiting!

mayahawke at least I'm not fighting literal demons this time!

username99 OMG this casting?!??! Was someone actually cooking at Netflix OR-

username24 I can already feel the thirst traps happening...

spennser so... THIS IS WAS THE SCRIPT YOU WERE HIDING FROM ME???

↳ (name)s_username yeah... 😬 sorry not sorry! 😘

angelagiovanagiarratana I am going to eat this show.

username00 Kinda worried for this show, hope they stick to the source material!

username88 respect the source and play the frickin' game!

username73 I can already see (name) doing "research." When these over 250+ streamed hours of them playing this game with Spencer 🤣

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🔔 (name)s_username just posted!

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(name)s_username Yeehaw Motherfuckers.

View all 2,880 comments

spennser You know the saying when you wear the hat...

↳ (name)s_username no I don't actually, what does it say? you know I can't read for shit. ↳ spennser umm, I'll tell you at home actually ↳ (name)s_username okay! 😊 ↳ username01 👀💞 oh god.

username44 that was a 180 from how things were going but look how far we've come! they are openly flirting with one another now!

chickenshopdate so you had to get really famous after we dated, wow...

username90 funny that as soon as (name) leaves smosh they immediately start acting like a couple...

phatchance you be out here filling in all those bucket lists bestie, so proud of you! 💞

↳ (name)s_username aww thank you! 😭

tomeybones saddle me up next! wait- that sounds wrong, nevermind! 😳

smosh woah! no wonder you quit! I would too... wait what?

username60 y'all be so freakin' cute- UGH I cannot wait for this series. Marked in the calender boys!

filmingamanda you get that Netflix bag!! 💸

↳ (name)s_username you know it! 😘

shayne_topp this is so freakin cool man, like wtf.

co_mill everyone won't stfu about this, and to be quite honest- I don't ever want to either! 💕

username12 fuck you.

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🔔 HollywoodNow just posted! check it out?

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HollywoodNow From cosy mystery partner to mysetry no more! Insider sources have revealed that (first/name) (last/name) is officially off the market ahead of their role in the new cowboy themed Netflix series: Red Dead Redemption. As confirmed by posts on theirs separate social media accounts, (name)'s romantic partner Spencer Agnew seems to be confirmed by a soft launch after years of dating allegations.

Are you happy with this new (but old) couple? Or do you think (name) was better off with one of their co-stars? Let us know down in the comments section below! 👇

View all 1,991 comments

username01 feels surreal, I don't know what to believe anymore even when there is actual admitted to, photo evidence.

username77 I will not give up on (name)! Not until there is a wedding band on their finger will I not be in love with them!

username66 I love that THATS the picture they pick for Spencer 😭

username53 they did my boy Spencer SO dirty on this one- NOT THE FROG!!! 🤣

username00 eh, I'm still speculative. I mean... they have stated over and over again that they are just friends. Whats to say all this drama was not just for publicity leading up to the announcement?

↳ username04 I mean. (name) has already confessed on their instagram that their actions were caused by their change in career/lifestyle that did not reflect who they truly were and admitted to it being entirely their own fault... I don't know how this is all for publicity when they were visibly struggling???

username20 the question of 'is (name) punching down' is disgusting. Like they've practically been together for way? Half a decade if not more??? And you DARE to ask if one if better than the other? Gross. Really, truly gross.

username73 FuUK (NAME) AND F4uck TH3IR FAMILY, THEIRr FRIENDS, AND SPECER.

↳ username88 Learn how to spell before you start typing

username15 proud of them.

username70 I can't wait until they get married! I can just see the cute wedding pictures now!!

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(first/name) (last/name) @ (name)s_username · just now So... am I trending for hate again or??? 👀 Comment | Retweet | Like | Bookmark

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Spencer Agnew @ spennser · just now SOMEONE HAVE A SMOSH BABY NOW! I WANT TO EAT PIZZA IN PEACE PLEASE 🙏 /sarcasm (with a degree of not being sarcastic but really serious please.) Comment | Retweet | Like | Bookmark

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Hollywood Now @ hollywood_now · just now (Name) and Spencer, a new couple just seen eating out together at a pizzeria. Date night perhaps? Comment | Retweet | Like | Bookmark

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username44 @ username44 · just now Anyone else realizing this is why (yourshipname) kept things under wraps for so long? Like let people eat, man! Comment | Retweet | Like | Bookmark

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(first/name) (last/name) @ (name)s_username · just now so... looks like we're ordering in from now on! 😳 Comment | Retweet | Like | Bookmark

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username31 @ username31 · just now Kinda adorable how (name) does not realize they are kinda really famous now lol

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Some time later...

🔔 (name)_undercover just posted!

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(name)_undercover Mental Health Check-In #51:

Super proud of myself for remember not to water the plants from overwatering them last week! 😬 Decided to pick up Red Dead Redemption again- but the online version! Me and Spencer have been playing it every night together 💕

Also started a new DnD campaign with the Smosh crew on the weekends! It's been great reconnecting with everyone after a break and I'm excited to see where things go. I'm playing as a teifling warlock-bard!

Next Update: ???

comments are limited

spennser I still don't know how you got that combination to work so well together...

↳ (name)s_username what can I say? you're seeing a magician at work 😘

co_mill you two are such cuties! 💕

phatchance I still don't know how you killed that cactus... like boy/girl its a cactus???

↳ (name)s_username I don't know either!!! 😭

anthonypadilla proud of you!

↳ (name)s_username thanks internet dad!

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🔔 (name)_undercover just posted!

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(name)_undercover Mental Health Check-In #52:

Moved to a new place with Spenncer! So great to have a home to finally call my own- entirely! No more leaky faucets or patchy drywall. Just nice space for us to spread out all our collectibles lol. 😊

Next Update: ???

comments are limited

spennser and they were roomates...

angelagiovanagiarratana in love with the new place! let me know when you're done with it- I want to COOK in your kitchen!

↳ (name)s_username just make sure not to burn the whole house down! 😂 ↳ angelagiovanagiarratana AYE! 👺 I will not!

shayne_topp dang, gotta tell court we need to step our decorating skills up!

tomeybones who's dog?

↳ (name)s_username the neighbours! somehow slipped underneath our fence!

filmingamanda if you still need help unpacking, shoot me a text!

↳ (name)s_username will do! 🫡

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─ · · A/N: likes, comments, and reblogs are all appreciated and encouraged!

─ · · SPENCER AGNEW TAGLIST: @lisiliely @missflufffanfics @little-stitious-studios @thejourneyneverendsx @sibsteria @lizzylynch1 @babble2 @delaneyburghardt @thevintagefangirl @uniquely-haunting @maricarorp @sarahskywalker-amidala @laurasdrey

[tadpole-apocalypse]

so what’s your verdict on veilguard? Seems like you’re not a fan

Putting this under a read more because I am going to be brutally honest about how I feel and it’s extremely negative.

I hate this game. I haven’t played past the middle of act 2 (whenever the second meeting with the inquisitor is) and I have no desire to pick it back up now. I feel like I’m in mourning for the game I wanted, the one that was canceled and now I’m in my anger phase of my grief.

I feel lied to and tricked by BioWare. I thought, well with everything going on and all the delays and restarts it probably won’t be as good as Inquisition, but at least I can count on them for a fun role playing game and romances. I didn’t get either of those things, and in fact those two aspects were so poorly done it is astounding to me that they felt this game was ok to ship like this.

They told me this was the most romantic BioWare game and considering the heights I experienced with BG3’s romances (Astarion and Lae’zel’s romance and character arcs will live in my heart forever) I had high expectations. Instead I got a tepid non romance where I only learned I was dating someone by the Inquisitor mentioning it off hand. The lucanis romance gave me nothing; no story, no drama, no spite, no romance. There is no slow burn here, this is a NO BURN.

Apparently his romance scenes aren’t even unique to Rook and are also used for Neve which is insane to me. Romancing him makes me feel like a creep trying to bully my subordinate into a relationship.

Even the better romances are horribly under developed. 18 minutes of romance content is PATHETIC. They hyped up these romances!!! They knew they were lacking and marketed them in a way I feel is very slimy and misleading!

My other major sticking point is everything with the Dalish. I hate hate hate everything about how they’re handled and barely involved in a story of their own gods; they should have had a scene of an Arlathvhen where the clans meet up to discuss these new revelations, causing some clans to side with elgar’nan and ghilan’nain. But BioWare was too cowardly to have enemy Dalish and put them up on a high shelf away from their own story and mythology.

There’s so many little things that start to add up and impact my enjoyment. It’s not just those things but a lack of attention to detail of their own world. No new tavern songs, inconsistent accents, lack of meaningful roleplay options, the overly modern way of talking, the themes of religion and faith being completely absent, everyone being very blase about being in the fade physically, no sandal and bodahn…

They should have designed all the Evanuris, or at least Andruil. I have wanted to see her void/blight armor forever. Having them just already be dead of sadness because their arch demons died is very much a let down. 😤

I do think the game has redeeming qualities but these grievances I have far outweigh any of my enjoyment, for now. I’ll revisit it later once my head has cooled and see if I feel different later.

That said I have plenty of mutuals who are loving and enjoying the game and what it gives and I am glad that they are able to get something from it. I always like seeing people be creative and making their own stories and I hope for them it was the game they wanted and I really wish I could share that sentiment.

[absolutelynotsanebaby]

okay, so I've seen this sentiment floating around with Morro that there's nothing more to do with him or that his story is entirely done. I disagree and want to share my two cents, but first I want to clarify a couple things. A) he does not have to come back to be a good and worthwhile character and B) I do not think the current conclusion to his character is bad. His story as is, is a tragedy and that's meaningful and C) that I am not trusting unreliable leak sources or 'getting my hopes up'.

Anyways, to say there's nothing to be done with his character is completely wild, and in my opinion a take more formed from fandom negative association than anything based in canon. I think it links back to some people seeing him as irredeemable, or believing without question his 'you can only save those who want to be saved' line. I said it before, but that line doesn't hurt because it's true (you wouldn't believe that with any other characters, why just him?) Morro has a compelling story, and it ends on the note that he can change and right his wrongs (dotd). His conclusion in Possession is sad but good, and his ending in DOTD is at least okay, in my opinion. However, when a character shows clear ability to change and develop, how in the world does that not lend itself to being able to continue his story? He doesn't have to come back, but if he did, there's material to play with. Morro died willingly, in the end, in Possession. I don't understand this idea that it has to cathartic for everyone. What's the crime in someone saying they would be excited or happy to see him again? There's directions to take his story in, and it's not like he's ever going to be anything like a main or strong presence in the show if he ever did come back! Not even the original six ninja are that anymore!

I'm going out on a limb and saying all the people who say Morro shouldn't come back for reasons [x] [y] [z] are going to be the same people who dislike he takes that Harumi shouldn't come back in DR, right? Is it because people think she's irredeemable, or that her story is 'better left done' and it'd be 'bad writing' to bring her back? Be bad for Lloyd? That's what a lot of you sound like to me. Additionally, you're allowed to have your own opinions, obviously but it's getting frustrating to see posts asking people to be less mean about the idea of him coming back filled with tags that go 'and here's why I think he shouldn't come back--' or two mutuals of mine both express the sentiment of pulling back a little from the fandom because of the recent negativity towards Morro. To be honest, sometimes it feels like a lot of people just groan whenever he's mentioned at all (because of the aforementioned fandom negative association) which, that's obviously going to be discouraging and un-motivating for people who do post a lot about him! Anyways, point is, be nicer and also stop mischaracterizing him because it's cool now or whatever 👍

[mixterglacia]

CONTENT WARNING: Vivziepop Critical/ Stolitz Critical below the cut.

This episode made me incredibly angry, so it's not going to be as well structured as I try to manage.

TL;DR The pacing and tone was a horrible mess, and this should have been split into at least two episodes to pull this off.

To start, we prove in the first five minutes how little these two actually know each other. They're surprised by very simple things and I don't like that. It tells me that neither of them, but especially Stolas, EVER asked about the other's interests. Cool, that's good to know I was right about that the whole time.

Blitz is WILDLY out of character in the bulk of this episode. I LOATHE how he's waiting on Stolas hand and foot. If we're being honest, he'd probably just say "figure it out yourself" and focus on his life, business, and daughter. Why are we always having to baby Stolas' feelings? It feels like he's the only one allowed to actually be doted on. (In a non-humorous way.)

And now he remembers Via? Sure, just run off without thinking about your family. You have never let that stop you before. And now Stella is being cartoonishly evil in front of her daughter? We've never had it proven that she's a bad mother. In fact, from what Via states later, that's the case! I really think they have no idea on how to be subtle with her.

In a similar vein to the moment with Blitz watching the family later. You didn't need to tell us who he was imagining in that window. The moment worked without you punching it down our throats.

Likewise with Millie's pregnancy. I wish they'd left that as an open thread, rather than taking time to fully confirm it. Like maybe all the way up to the point where she went into the bathroom and left looking a little fucked up? That way it can be an engaging thing to return to in S3.

The non-drama parts of the episode (especially the first five minutes) dragged HARD. They gutted any emotional moments and just felt like padding for the runtime.

I am so annoyed at the way this show is trying to lessen what Stolas did.

HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE. HE DESTROYED HIS FAMILY. HE ABANDONED HIS DAUGHTER. HE IS A TERRIBLE MAN WHO GETS EVERYTHING HE WANTS BECAUSE THE SHOW BABIES HIM.

This is not some cute little quirk. His wife was never implied to cheat on him first. She was a bitch, but she didn't do anything to deserve this. I can't stress enough that if you showed her playing around too, it would immediately solve most of the hypocrisy with this.

Trying to weasel around that by Blitz trying to say cheating really so bad is fucking gross. It's not like they had an open relationship and Stella got jealous. Stolas is a slimeball. He doesn't deserve Blitz. He doesn't deserve Via.

He hasn't earned any of this.

While it came out of nowhere, the Via song is STELLAR. As a product of divorce, she owes her father nothing. She deserves to feel so hurt and betrayed.

"My tears won't fall upon your shoulder...I'll just get older and you'll only know my name." Hit me like a truck.

So imagine my outrage when we aren't allowed to sit and think about her feelings for more than a few seconds after the song. We aren't allowed to focus on her pain. If they staged a sequence between the number and her finding her dad's pills, I think it would work better.

Or even uploading the song by itself. But no. You have to CONSTANTLY remind us to feel bad for the stupid fucking owl. Feel bad because he's depressed. Feel bad because he's trapped in the same loveless marriage as his wife. But don't feel bad for her because she's a bitch.

Fuck. Off.

My dad was manic depressive, that doesn't mean he got to treat our family the way he did. Stolas didn't even think about her before throwing his life away over his booty call.

This show has so much potential that it just squanders. There are two different series being forced together and it doesn't work. You have the comedy series shoved into the same sweater as the soap opera. They aren't mutually exclusive, but truly the team seems incapable of making this work.

I'm done.

This isn't even fun to critique anymore.

If folks want my opinions on future Helluva Boss content, you'll have to directly ask me to watch the piece in question. I'm still going to give S2 of Hotel a shot, but as far as this?

I'm throwing in the towel. Of the two, I was so excited for Helluva. I loved the characters, I loved the idea, and I truly loved the first couple episodes.

But that show doesn't exist anymore.

Once again, I'm going to take a moment to remind you all:

You are allowed to love this series. I am just a dude on the internet. I am not trying to change your mind. I am not trying to ruin your fun. If you love it, that's awesome. I am so happy you found something that sings to your soul.

Don't let me harsh your buzz. Okay?

[au-mashup-party]

Hey I have an announcement I would like to make, I know it’s not what you’re normally expecting, but I just wanna get this off my chest. Lately I’ve been dealing with a lot of mental health issues in and out of Tumblr, some too personal to talk about, so I’ll leave it with how I been feeling about Tumblr.

I always found drawing as a great stress reliever. Whenever I’d post a drawing and it will receive up 50 likes at the most, it would always put the biggest smile on my face. My art style improved by a mile, yet it still feels like I’m falling behind my mutual peers.

I learned the hard way while using Tumblr that if you’re not considered ‘popular’ from the get-go, you’re much out of luck. Art takes time, years even, and I’ve been drawing for 15 of em so I would know that sometimes you gotta work with what you got—even if it’s not a lot.

I’ve known some people who’s gotten famous within a day or two, I always found it impressive as heck and wondered if it was possible for me. However, lately I’ve been questioning myself about a few things:

“Is my art style the problem?”

“Should I start posting more on this blog?”

“Are my friends and fans, losing interest?”

“Have I’ve been gone too long?”

“Should I just quit?”

“Should I bring Micro back?”

“Am I too underrated for this fandom?”

And these questions stuck with me for a few months, I’ve noticed things haven’t been the most exciting on my blog since I stopped drawing Microtale content, which to be honest was the only reason I got noticed in the first place. The truth was I slowly lost interest in Microtale after getting spammed over and over and over again while wanting to take a break from drawing him.

Sadly, there’s still one person in my asks that just can’t accept that i’ve moved on from Micro. Now don’t get me wrong, I will always appreciate how far Micro has gotten me these past 3 years and I won’t forget him. I still have plans for Microtale’s third year anniversary, but anything revolving the AU I just won’t be working on anymore

Where it all began.

When I first created Micro, I didn’t think I was gonna get very far, in my eyes he was just your typical lazy run of the mill ‘Sans OC’. I made the blog for fun at first because I figured “Hey, at least if this doesn’t blow up, I can have my underrated artist use him for their stories as long as they credited!”

Little did I know, that was only the beginning. I got noticed by a popular artist at the time, and I was overjoyed to find out that someone far superior than me in drawing liked my silly old drawing. It made me realize that not all popular artist are drama baiting, narcissistic human beings. It opened my eyes more meeting even more humble artists.

The more I made, the more my audience grew. When I reached 1000 followers last year, it was the best day of my life. I finally reached my goal and everything was good. After I stopped drawing him I got spammed constantly by an unknown person (forgot their name) asking if their character can meet Micro or if Micro could come back sooner than later.

Anyone who’s known me long enough knows I hate being spammed, it’s not gonna get your point across, point blank period. It’s my blog and I’m allowed to draw whoever I want, it’s not up to you to decide what content I make unless I decide we vote by poll. But after deleting the spamming one day, eventually things cooled down so I moved on too.

You’re allowed to like my AU’s, just please don’t shove your obnoxious opinions down my throat. I already have a lot going on and I don’t need anyone adding more pressure to the plate.

But let’s take a quick moment to appreciate underrated artists, they are the future of the art community and don’t get enough appreciation for their work. I myself am still somewhat underrated, and I’m okay with that now. You win some you lose some, but you have to draw another day.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, have a good day/night.

-Crayon

[your-unfriendlyghost]

4, 5, 7, 14

(Okay I really liked these ones fyi)

4. Rank the main 7.

  Ooh tough one. I guess right now, in order of favorite to least favorite, I’d have to go Sodapop, Two-Bit, Steve, Johnny, Ponyboy, Dally, and then finally Darry. But it’s pretty close, and the order changes day by day honestly- I like all of them a lot, y’know? I guess the only one I don’t think about too often is Darry. I still like him and think he’s a really well-written character- I just don’t have a lotta original thoughts about him, is all, whereas I do about all the others. 

5. What are your fave ships?

  In a truly shocking turn of events, I, a frequent draw-er and writer of Stevepop, am going to say Stevepop. I dunno, something about them just makes me happy. Reminds me of like…daydreams I had when I was twelve and crushing on my best friend, and trying to get her attention by doing stupid things and whatever…god I don’t really know how to explain why I like it. Before this fandom I didn’t usually ship things, to be honest. But I guess when I did it’d be stuff like Jesslake in Infinity Train, where it’s the sorta thing that can be seen as platonic or romantic. I reckon Stevepop scratches a similar itch in my brain lol

  But I also really like Marcia x Two-Bit, which I haven’t really talked about here much- They had good chemistry, y’know? I oughta draw something about them sometime

  And then finally there’s my DIY crack-ish ship Soda x Steve x Evie. I like them! It’s all the things I like about Stevepop, plus there’s a cool girl in the mix! I love cool girls! More folks should think about them i think

  I do like other ships okay too- like the Tarry crowd has dragged me in, and sometimes the Jally crowd does too, along with Purly and occasionally Johnnyboy. I’m not an active participant, but when I come across it, I sorta mentally nod and say “nice”, you dig? They’re like…my ship-in-laws. Or like…milk duds and hershey bars- candy I still enjoy, but reach for only after I’m out of milky ways and twizzlers.

7. What are your fave non-romantic relationships? (This can be close friends, familial, enemies or even just acquaintances)

  Two-Bit and Pony! I like them a lot. Their interactions in the book were some of my favorite parts. That line when Two-Bit was worried about Ponyboy using that broken bottle on the Socs…ugh that part was great. I remember reading it for the first time and just sitting there thinking about how much I liked that detail.

  Then on the opposite side of the coin, Steve and Pony lol. I LOVE how Pony doesn’t initially like Dally or Steve, and yet Dally’s chill with Pony…but with Steve the disdain is mutual. Jk I don’t think Steve really hates Pony- but he definitely thinks Pony’s kinda annoying. I like the idea of him watching out for Pony anyways though, like at school especially now that Soda’s not going.

14. Tell us five of your headcanons you basically see as canon

Sodapop has ADHD and maybe (?) dyslexia, but it’s the 60s so he won’t find out till he’s well into adulthood

Marcia gave Two-Bit her real number, and was disappointed when he didn’t call it. I like to imagine they end up remeeting at some point and going out together- even if that’s kinda unrealistic lol

Steve hated Dally when he first rolled into town, because Dally was everything he really wanted to be- tough, cool, and street-smart. And he was also scared of losing Soda, who thought Dally rocked- because Dally’s from New York and rides in rodeos! Eventually they became buddies though when Dally gave Steve a compliment or something. Not even a particularly good one- something like “Hey you ain’t bad at fighting”- just barely enough for Steve to feel like Dally’s earned a little bit of his loyalty. Might write fic/make a comic for this- it’s kinda niche but I think the idea is funny

Steve and Soda secretly listen to the Beach Boys at the DX. They can’t tell anyone because it’s not tuff to like a dumb California band. And Ponyboy would like the Beatles if he listened to them, but he doesn’t, so he won’t realize that until years after Beatlemania has died down

Steve is not just a Ponyboy hater but also a horses-in-general hater. He thinks horses are scary and unpredictable and that cars were invented for a reason. He was secretly relieved when Mr. Curtis stopped Soda from riding rodeos, because seeing Soda on a crazy horse gave him mad anxiety. Pretended he was sad though for Soda’s sake

Thanks so much for asking!! I loved answering these so much lol, definitely let me know your thoughts too on ‘em!

[mishmash-webster]

WELCOME

she pinned on my intro til i post heya. feel free to read through my intro post... if you dare. you may wanna read my message/ask rules before interacting or sending an unsolicited ask/message (it's the section highlighted in green). have a swag day unless you bathe in bigotry, in which case i hope you bathe in different things in the near future because you smell horrible and no one likes you.

sorry this is so long this was the most i was able to condense it to (┬┬﹏┬┬)

❂ Greetings!

✦ I'm Blue da ba dee da ba dai, or at least that's my online name and the only one you really need to know.

✦ pronouns = they/he/ey/cos/it (primarily they/he).

✦ gender = transmasc enby, additional gender labels = genderfuck/genderpunk, androgyne, anarcho-queer.

✦ orientation = panromantic, demiromantic, grayace. i am not on tumblr to look for a romantic or sexual relationship. if you are, keep scrolling.

✦ im a minor, and dont feel comfortable stating my exact age.

✦ i consider myself punk and anti-capitalist.

this blog is my main and only blog, so all sorts of things go on it. some of the things you might find here include:

multifandom posting

shitposting

activism, politics, leftism

things that will radicalize you against your government

random rambling

my art maybe if im brave enough

my AU ideas, also if im brave enough

venting? maybe? (sometimes)

whatever random ass bullshit i want babey!!!!!!

if any of these things make you mad or uncomfortable, click away! its not worth it to type me an angry paragraph. if you want an honest non-hostile debate about personal belief systems, maybe, if i feel up for it, but the internet is a place to curate your own experiences and im already recovering from the mindset instilled from being constantly subjected to mentally draining content/discourse on other platforms (even in good faith) and i want this blog to not be like that. ultimately...

(ol' reliable)

❂ Additional info

❂ Tags legend (some tags i may still be going back and sorting through, apologies for that)

🐊.txt (random rambling, thought dumps. dont ask why its a gator)

#go fund them (donation campaigns (may not always be on the gofundme website, but just all donation campaigns in general). please look through this tag and consider donating if you have the time/resources)

#sick art, #godly art (other peoples' cool art, used interchangeably, one isnt inherently better than the other it's just based on vibes)

#vent post (my vent posts, please feel free to filter this tag, I may talk about heavy/personal subjects)

‼️Note: i may reblog posts with nsfw/suggestive content or subject matter (for example, medical diagrams of private parts for trans reasons, artistic nudity, etc), ship posts with suggestive allusions (almost always in a comedic way), or make/reblog suggestive jokes. if you dont wanna see that ill always try to tag with #nudity, #suggestive, #suggestive joke. (plsplspls tell me if i forget, or if theres anything else you’d like me to tag, id be happy to ✌️)

❂ Fandoms

some of these i havent consumed in their entirety, ill mark them with purple if so

Welcome to Hell, The Owl House, Ace Attorney, The Amazing Digital Circus, Amphibia, The Amazing World of Gumball, Beastars, Cherry Crush, I'm In Love With The Villainess, Ramshackle, Heartstopper, Deltarune, Undertale, Bluey, Mob Psycho 100, Calvin and Hobbes

stuff i wanna consume but havent gotten the chance to

Madoka Magica, Sonic franchise (games + movies), Garfield (yes the cat)

❂ Interaction preferences, DNI criteria

not to get all twitter about it but please dont interact with me if it's because of, or if you support/fit the description of, any of the following (if you dont wanna look through all this just ctrl + f search a keyword ig):

✘ NSFW-related anything. Hell no, i am a minor and you WILL be blocked and reported (unless youre just a mutual making a suggestive joke thats fine lmao, im referring to people with 0 life training sending unsolicited naked pics like fucking toddlers)

✘ Conservatives/right-wing/MAGA imbeciles, centrists, homophobes, transphobes, zionists, antisemites/islamophobes (real ones, not Palestine supporters), radqueers/radfems/TERFs, predators, pedos, forced birth supporters, anti-neopronouns, anti-therian, beastiality supporters, sexists of any caliber.

✘ pro-sh or pro-ed blogs. (i hope you get the help you deserve and stop dooming others to a lifelong struggle. please seek help.)

✘ Donation-related asks. (i'm sorry, but any blog that messages me asking for donations, i'm going to immediately assume is a bot/scam. assuming you're not, i care and empathize deeply with your struggle, but i have no job/source of income in an already relatively poor household, with parents who are not necessarily keen on supporting gofundmes (i've asked multiple times) and with the previously mentioned high scam risk i'm very hesitant to share if im not 100000% sure.‼️‼️if you need donation you're going to have a much, MUCH better chance of fast aid from these subreddits instead of only through word-of-mouth on a site like tumblr. i care about your situation and don't want you to receive little to no aid simply because you're asking in less-than-ideal places.‼️‼️ i will of course still spread awareness of any campaign possible (especially relative to Palestine and Sudan) but even so, im still only a small and unknown blog, and you're MUCH better off using the subreddits, asking a more popular blog dedicated to this sort of thing or both. if you or anyone you know in Palestine/Sudan/otherwise struggling, i care about your safety and i pray you and your family are safe and receive aid as soon as possible. 🍉🙏)

————————————

tell me if i should add anything!!

blinkie credit: blinkies.cafe

[mattsbug]

⋆˚࿔ NERVOUS. — chris.s

⋆˚࿔ pairing: gentle!nervous!chris x nervous!reader

⋆˚࿔ synopsis: you feel nervous and uncertain around chris, despite your growing connection. you both share an honest moment about your mutual anxiety, realizing that you don’t need to have everything figured out. the nerves are part of your journey, and you both embrace the present moment together.

⋆˚࿔ warnings: pet names (baby..), fluff

⋆˚࿔ word count: 0.8k words

⋆˚࿔ recommended song: nervous, the neighborhood

────୨ৎ────

you stood by the window, watching the city lights blur in the distance as the rain softly tapped against the glass. you mind was elsewhere, your thoughts tangled, as they always seemed to be when he was around. you couldn’t quite figure out what it was about chris that made you feel this way—this nervous, electric pull that both exhilarated and terrified you at the same time.

you both have been dating for a few months now, but every time you saw him, it felt like the first time. the way he smiled at you, the way his voice dropped when he spoke to you—it made your heart race, made you feel like you were falling into something you weren’t sure you were ready for.

you looked at your phone, hesitated, and then put it back down. he was probably on his way.

when you first met chris, it was at a mutual friend’s party, one of those late-night gatherings where no one really expected to be there for more than a couple of hours. you hadn’t planned on talking to him, but when he’d walked in, all tall and a little too cool, you found herself gravitating toward him, like some invisible force was pulling you in.

“hey,” he had said, his voice low and smooth, as if everything he said was laced with a hint of mystery.

“hi,” you had replied, trying to sound normal, even though you felt anything but.

you both had spent the night talking, laughing, and before you knew it, the hours had passed, and the party was empty except for the two of you.

since then, they had become inseparable, or at least that’s how it felt to you.

chris was the kind of person who seemed to have everything figured out, at least on the outside. he was confident, funny, and always seemed to know what he wanted. but you couldn’t help but wonder if that was just a facade.

the nervousness never really went away.

tonight was no different. you had spent the past hour getting ready—changing outfits three times, trying to figure out the perfect balance between casual and put-together, like you were preparing for some sort of performance.

finally, there was a knock at the door.“hey,” chris said when you opened it, his smile instantly making your stomach flip. he looked perfect, as always, in his black jacket and jeans, the kind of effortless style that seemed to radiate confidence.

“hi,” you said, your voice a little quieter than you intended. he stepped inside, his presence filling the small apartment. “how’s your day been?” he asked, taking off his jacket and tossing it over the chair.

“fine,” you replied, though you weren’t sure you had even thought about your day. all you could think about was the tension between them, the way he looked at you like he knew something you didn’t.

“you’re quiet tonight,” he said, studying you carefully.

“am i?” you asked, trying to act casual, but inside you felt like you were about to explode.

chris tilted his head, his eyes locking onto yours. “yeah. you seem… i don’t know, a little distant.”

you swallowed hard, your heart pounding. “i’m fine,” you said, but even to your own ears, it sounded like a lie.

he didn’t say anything at first, just watched you with that intense gaze of his, and you felt the nervousness creeping up your spine. why did he always have this effect on you? why did you feel like you were on the verge of something huge whenever he was around?

“baby,” he said, his voice softer now, almost reassuring. “you don’t have to pretend. i’m not going anywhere.”

it was that simple sentence—those few words—that made you feel like you were standing on the edge of a cliff.

you didn’t know what it was about him, but the way he spoke to you, like he was reading your every thought, made you feel exposed.

you took a deep breath. “i don’t know what’s wrong with me,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

“there’s nothing wrong with you,” chris said, stepping closer to you, his hand brushing lightly against your arm.

“you just make me nervous, that’s all.”his words hit you like a wave. you looked up at him, caught off guard by his honesty. “you?” you asked, surprised.

he smiled a little, that same smile that always made your heart skip a beat. “yeah. i mean, you’re… i don’t know, you’re just different. and it’s like… i want to figure you out, but i’m not sure i can. you keep me on my toes.”

you let out a shaky laugh, your nerves suddenly feeling less like a burden and more like something shared. “you, too,” you said, your voice a little steadier. “i never know if i’m doing this right, or if i’m what you want. you’re…” you paused, looking for the right words. “you’re everything i thought i wanted, and it scares me.”

chris took your hand, his touch warm and steady. “i get it,” he said quietly. “i feel the same way. but we don’t have to have it all figured out. we just have to be here, right now.”

the nervousness didn’t go away, not completely. but for the first time in a long time, you felt like maybe that was okay. maybe the nerves were just part of it—part of the excitement, the uncertainty, the anticipation. it was all part of falling in love.

and as chris leaned in, his lips brushing against yours, you realized that you didn’t need to have it all figured out, either. all you needed was this moment, this feeling, and the warmth of his hand in yours.

maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.

© MATTSBUG est. 2025

𝜗𝜚 taglist: @elizalovsseverythingggg

⋆˚࿔ hi there ! i hope you enjoyed this, i tried to make it as long as i could, but its longer than my first fic so i think thats alright, lol.

i love you bunches

— xoxo, paisley

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

Your tf2 headcannons make me smile :), how about the mercs going into their favorite game for a day and they have ti survive

Would The TF2 Mercs Survive In Their Favorite Video Game World? (+ Their Favorite Video Games)

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Awe! I'm so glad I can make you smile 😭Honestly makes me so happy in general to be able to make stuff people enjoy! For the sake of this to make seance I'm going to pretend that all these games work on real human time and take 24hrs for a day to pass (If the game takes more than one day to beat) or the game to be finished. (If the days passing is unspecified)

Also! Mutual appreciation comment time! Thank you for being a mutual I love your asks and thank you for all the likes 💖

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Okay enough of that to the prompt!

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TW: BLOOD, GORE, AND MENTIONS OF DEATH!

SPOILERS TOO FOR, OUTLAST, UNDERTALE,

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Demo- Borderlands 2

Of course Demo would love a game with mayhem, destruction, and humor. He also loves the fact that (for him at least) the game never gets boring, or dull. He always has fun when ever he loads up the game, so waking up one day in the game was both super exciting, and terrifying. I think he would survive, but then die as soon as the day was almost over, like he's not dying the second he wakes up, he's pretty good at the game after all, but he'd get confident, and then two seconds before the day his over he's shot in the head or something 😭

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Engie- Minecraft

I know, I know. It's not a fresh, new, or even controversial take, it's just what everyone assumes, but I wholeheartedly agree Minecraft is his favorite game. He loves the freedom to build, he thinks it super cool he can use things that he would normally not be able to build with. He also loves being able to play with his friends (Pyro and Scout) specifically. He's beat the game at least ten times, and knows the game inside and out. Waking up in the game was suppressing, but to be honest, I think he's had weirder situations happen. He immediately knows what to do, and is on it. After only twenty minutes of being in the game, he's already working on a house, by time the night is actually here he's somehow found diamonds and is working on his nether portal, is so upset to wake up in his bed the next day. He's bitter he couldn't finish the game. Doesn't die, obviously, but did have strong words with a skeleton after receiving an arrow to the back of the head.

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Heavy- Animal Crossing New Horizons.

I'm going to say it, this man doesn't really like violent video games. I know, controversial. My thing is, I don't think some of the mercs want to spend all their time killing, and then come back and kill fictional characters. But I could be wrong, but that doesn't matter because Heavy like Animal Crossing. He loves the villagers, loves the mundane tasks, loves how just, relaxing playing the game is. If he woke up on his AC island he'd be so happy. Hugs all the villagers, fishes, catches bugs, talks to Blathers about literally everything he can. This man is just having a great time, and I for one, am happy for him. Doesn't die (Even if he could, he still wouldn't) But did get stung by wasps at least once trying to catch them.

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Medic- Outlast (For the sake of the game being finished in the way Outlast is played medic is forced into the same confines Miles is put in)

Are we shocked that this man loves one of the most iconic horror games ever made? Loves how many boundaries it destroyed, how gross some of the parts are, and how bloody other parts can be. Giggles at all the gory scenes. ALSO WHEN SEES THE DOCTOR??? When he wakes up in the world, he's very excited until he remembers how pretty much useless Miles is. He still, remains confident in his survival skills, still goes through the physical issues Miles goes through, and finds that to be rather inconvenient, (Regrets always complaining about how upset Miles seems to get, but he understands now that maybe, just maybe, when you aren't able to heal almost immediately, that losing a finger or two isn't super easy to cope with) but regardless, he does survive, he doesn't die because of a lack of skill or overconfidence, but dies do to the plot advancement, you know?

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Scout- Apex Legends

I think in the same vein as Engie, this probably isn't a fresh take, but it still fits. Scout is good at Apex, like really good. I think it's easy to make him a silly little guy, but he's ruthless when he wants or needs to be. This man is an Apex champion more than most people, has more kills than you'd ever think, and is honestly a better teammate in Apex than on the field with the other mercs 😭 He wakes up in Apex world and he's so thrilled, he's ready to put his real-world skills into his favorite game and does pretty well until he's knocked down by an enemy, he hides behind a box and waits for his teammates to come help him, they start moving father away, he moves over to them, they move again, he bleeds out as his two other teammates walk away from him. (Totally never happened to me) then they didn't pick up his banner, so eventually, he just woke up after dying and is so pissed. It did make him a bit kinder when it comes to helping out his teammates, in hopes that he'll never go through that again.

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Sniper- Superhot

Way too good at Superhot, it's almost troubling how many hours he's put into the game. You'd swear you could see the enemies shaking anytime they appear on camera. Sniper sometimes uses this as an opportunity to practice dodging, but also just has fun fighting against an enemy. Loves the slo-mo shots he can get. Loves splitting enemies in half with different weapons. Also love the mind control and weird story setup of it all. If he woke up suddenly pixilated, fighting other pixilated entities, he's either freaking out or shrugging it off. Probably the latter, knowing him. He survives well, with only a few close calls, it's a lot easier when your hitbox isn't an entire VR headset after all. Genuinely has fun being put in the Superhot world for a day.

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Spy- Hitman

Now, I thought I'd be so clever and come up with original ideas, but I was wrong. I think Spy plays Hitman plays for ideas, how weapons would look, how messy a kill would be, etc. Also loves being able to have very minimal risk when he's "killing" It stresses a guy out when you live life trying not to get caught every day, you know? As much as this man likes this game, he is so pissy when he wakes up in this game. He's basically just living a full 24 hours of his regular day job and is exhausted by the end of it. He does a good job, doesn't get caught, and manages to keep his suit clean. Has never been so received to wake up.

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Soldier- Call of Duty Modern Warfare

A man who loves war likes a game about war, who would have guessed? No, but in all honesty, the military aspect is one of his favorite parts of it, he also loves the range of weapons and all the different roles you can play in the game. I'm not going to lie though, if he woke up in the COD world, he'd probably have a breakdown. Like he'd freak thinking everything before this was a fever dream, but he'll eventually figure it out. He would kill at any task he was given, and survive, he'd wake up and immediately feel better because as much as he loves the game, he never wants to go back.

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Pyro- Undertale

Pyro loves Undertale so much that it's insane. Has played his game, at least 30 times. Has never, not even once, played the genocide route. They cannot bring themselves to kill a froggit, let alone Papyrus or anyone else. When Pyro wakes up in the Undertale world they are thrilled, jumping up and down, giggling, screaming, you know all that fun. Literally gives Toriel the biggest hug ever. They have the best time of their life. Manages to do a deathless run, somehow, probably because of the insane amount of times they've played through it, but is heartbroken that they wake up after only being able to get through the neutral route.

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I'm sorry this took so long! I loved this prompt but I hit a slump, and I've been fighting with myself to get it posted, I'm sorry if it's not great, I hope you like it though 💖

I'll try and be more consistent I promise 🫶🏻

[bnnuy-wabbit]

Cunospig -> bnnuywabbit

Name's Lago. I'm 22.

My art tag is #feral art tag

My asks and messages are disabled due to spam. If you want to contact me you can send me asks in any of my other blogs (Like @marmenlade, that's my OC/aes blog), send a submission and pretend it's an ask, tag me anywhere and/or comment on any of my posts INCLUDING THIS ONE, call my actual real phone number in real life, scream my name really loud or even reach to me through the ether. Seriously. Feel free to talk to me if you so happen inhabit a human shaped shell at this moment in time.

I'm prone to note spamming mutuals btw! I personally love being note spammed. It's a love language. To me.

If you happened to stumble upon this blog, you Must Know that I'm obsessed with many things like Sandman as of writing this post!

I'm Brazilian. As in from Brazil. As in Born There and Living There till my eventual demise, possibly. If you also happen to be one of those or adjacent, feel free to hit me up. É nois 🤙

I treat my blog as an open diary. There'll be cool things about my life and things in excited abou t and things that make me upset and general life shit. I also talk a lot about my little brothers endeavors because i love him and he's my little creature. If any of this or the stuff i blog about bothers you, i recommend not following. Also this blog contains adult stuff because im an adult, so follow at your own risk and/or pleasure! I think you should be in control of what you use your eyes to look at. I ain't a cop.

More info under readmore!! But only if you feel like it.

Other than the aforementioned, i have Many other interests that Can and WILL show up here, like:

My OCs and worldbuilding

Portal

Half life and hlvrai

Disco Elysium

Stranger Things

Homestuck

Whump stuff

FNAF

Literally whatever show and game im currently watching or playing.

SO, so many bands

I'm VERY into music. My favorite genres are 00s pop, industrial, heavy metal when it's a joke, classic rock, synthpop and mpb. I love learning more about music and getting to know new music genres. Autism list moments. Feel free to throw some at me!

Random info: I use emojis and smileys unironically. I just love to pepper my texts with some emotion here and there. I promise there's no sarcasm associated to my emojis and smileys. If i send i smiling smiley i Mean It. I also add !!!! To them if I'm particularly excited. Tone tags are confusing to me, I don't use them.

Regarding The Me: I'm queer and weird about it! My gender is completely none of my business. Also I'm an Artist and creator at heart, so i draw a lot, i like sculpting things with clay and foam, i love doing collages, i like playing my guitar and sometimes i write fucked up things for fun because it's Fun, tho i wouldn't call myself a writer. I'm diagnosed audhd. I'm weird and not in a cutesy way sometimes, but at least I'm funny about it i think!

I'm uhhhh a med student with a background in AG/rural sciences (vetmed + fishing) which ig is kinda funny. The funniest thing about me is I'm an honest to god fishing technician. I have a fucking diploma in fishing. I have no idea how or why, it still baffles me to this day that i made it through fishing school!! I have plenty thoughts on the ag/fishing field as a whole and a bit of experience with Some Things. I've worked in a few labs and written and published a few papers and I've wanted to be a Real Scientist when i grew up since i was a kid :) I don't know what I want to be when I grow up now. Maybe work in emergency services or something. Or maybe. Perhaps do something research related. I am Nosey.

I'm surprisingly a bit shy, even though nobody believes me when i say it! I'm getting over it, though. Please feel free to send an message somewhere asking for my discord if you'd like to chat. My messages are off for nonmutuals because I'm tired of getting spambots and my asks also. But i post a lot. Seriously just respond and go like 'oh hey can i DM you' and I will DM YOU. One thing i MUST state upfront if you'd like to talk to me and be friends: I'm trying to get better at talking to people. I'm soooo not very good at it. Don't blame yourself if our conversations fall flat. Talking and initiating conversations with people is Hard, but I'm alright at keeping conversations going if you tell me about your likes and dislikes or if you wanna do small talk! My cheat sheet is: Talk to me about your favorite weather, your timezone, what you like learning more about, about your country and culture or your favorite types of music and your favorite bands! Tell me about yourself, please!!! ALSO. Talk to me about fandom. Feel free to complain about petty things, I do enjoy a good complaint. And passionate rants. I'm told i can be cool to talk to if we get to know each other, I'm told I'm a very trusting, agreeable and judgementless individual. I like to believe that is true. To be fair, I'm eager to make new friends and learn more about people and we'll surely bond over something, I'm absolutely sure 🥰.

I have a lot of blogs. Like a LOT. I'm not going to link them all here, but they ARE linked to my main somewhere. Probably. Have fun collecting them all or something. It's wayyyyyy too many.

Here's my favorite one: @marmenlade

I think that's about it.

Updated: 7.jan.25

[afyrian]

Fic authors self rec! ♡ When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ♡

☆ thanks lale!!

my bisque beau | osamu miya

this multichapter fic will probably always be my pride and joy! i was so engaged and happy to write it every day 🙂‍↕️ i’ve been a bit off with my writing lately so i like to look at it for inspo. i can’t start working on a kneading kiss just so i can write osamu and y/n again!!

takeout dinner | kiyoko shimizu

this drabble is so indulgent for me, sorry y’all (i am not sorry in the slightest). i love writing kiyoko because she is the love of my life. but more specifically i love writing domestic situations and just people living! like eating takeout dinner together while you try to figure out your feelings for your roommate

japan’s summer persimmons | kita shinsuke

maybe it was just the ‘88 ford (@nectardaddy) lover in me, but this fic was so fun to write!! like the country boy x city girl trope is a little silly and goofy but also so cool to explore 🙂‍↕️ plus i just like the song that i based it on

a (crush)ed drink | hinata shoyo

every so often i remember hinata used to deliver food in brazil and honestly it would be such a good meet cute scenario!! and that’s why i love this fic! it just exasperates his clumsiness and awkwardness that, let’s be honest, isn’t always shown in different fics :( i love awkward characters who forget to introduce themselves!!

ferris wheel kisses | kuroo tetsuro

the first drabble i wrote this account… which is insane to think about because it was just mid june when i wrote it 😭 so really it’s just on this list because i love it and how this account brought me and a lot of my mutuals together!!

thanks again everyone for all the love and support <33

[celemee]

Getting to know your Mutuals

Tagged by @spicywarl0ck -- thank you! 💖

What's the origin of your blog's title? 

I guess I just like to emphasise what my blog is about. :D

Favorite Fandoms: 

Dragon Age, Baldur's Gate 3, World of Warcraft, Mass Effect and Castlevania Nocturne.

OTP(s) + shipname: 

I don't really have an OTP at the moment. I'm feeling a bit dried up on the blorbo front.

Favorite color: 

Electric blue.

Favorite game: 

World of Warcraft (the king of games, honestly), Dragon Age, Baldur's Gate, Mass Effect, Solasta, Age of Empires 3, A Summer's End - Hong Kong 1986.

Song stuck in your head: 

It's some god-awful eurodance song from the 90s but I can't seem to find out whose song it is.

Weirdest habit/trait? 

I make sure my ear is covered by hair if I sleep on my side. I believe it makes it harder for a little spider to enter my ear. :D (sorry if this unlocked some fears)

Hobbies: 

Gaming, gymming, writing, cooking, drawing, baking, listening to music and podcasts.

If you work, what's your profession? 

I work in importing.

If you could have any job you wish what would it be?

If only I could answer this! I have no specific job I want, but I've always, always wanted to work for the government. Not in politics, but in service of my country in some effect. I always apply for these jobs as they come up, but no luck so far.

Something you're good at:

I'm pretty good at reaching goals I set for myself. I'm like a bloodhound on a scent if I want something.

Something you're bad at:

I can be bad at recognising when people don't want me around, or when I've crossed a line with a joke or something. I'm trying to get better at reading social cues but I'm not very observant by nature.

Something you excel at:

Living way below my means and saving money.

Something you love: 

Aside from the obvious, I love vitamine tablets that you put in a glass of water and they start to bubble. YEAH! Also lately I'm into tea and herbal infusions, neither of which have played much a role in my life before.

Something you could talk about for hours without off the cuff:

Dragon Age, David Bowie, ebm music, horror podcasts, writing, food... quite a few things.

Something you hate:

There are some real life things that really increase my blood pressure, but I'll keep this light-hearted and say I hate the combination of pink and red. Choose one!! Both are good on their own, but not together.

Something you collect:

I don't collect anything anymore, unless you count me curating a well-stocked pantry.

Something you forget:

Birthdays. I'm sorry. :(

What's your love language? 

Touch. I am quite handsy in a relationship.

Favorite movie/show: 

Right now, Castlevania Nocturne. Yay for season 2!

Favorite food: 

Right now, chickpea-broccoli limonello. I'm making it at least once a week.

Favorite animal: 

Cats. 😽

Are you musical? 

I can't play anything but my voice isn't perfectly awful. I would say I'm not.

What were you like as a child? 

Life of the party type. Incredibly annoying and always striving to be the centre of attention. Also I got in a lot of accidents because I was careless and too bold.

Favorite subject at school? 

History.

Least favorite subject? 

Math.

What's your best character trait?

If I feel comfortable in a situation, I'm usually able to put other people at ease as well.

What's your worst character trait? 

I can be a bit flakey. I don't always keep my word and I struggle to be open and honest about it, too.

If you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be?

My food would be finished without me having to cook it.

If you could travel in time who would you like to meet?

Hmm.. Marcus Aurelius? He's always seemed very cool to me.

Recommend one of your favorite fanfics Right now I'm going through a writer's block that's also rendered me unable to read any long stories. Thankfully I can still digest bite-sized writing and there's never a shortage of fanfic bangers in my tag.

Tagging you guys, but don't feel pressured into doing this if you don't want to. @mclavellan @defaultjane @illusivesoul @her-gracious-lady-herald-bits1 @teine-mallaichte @thismightbemylaststraw

[soracities]

hi mim! i hope you're keeping well :) i wonder if you have any experience or thoughts on something, as a fellow late twenties-er:

how do you deal with unaccountable/unjustified cruelty towards you? like most people, i've lived through some bad times and have had pleeeeenty of people be mean to me, but generally as an adult, especially in the last few years, i do all right managing social situations & protecting myself, so i can safely disengage or accept the shitty stuff until the feelings dissipate. also, i try really, really hard to be genuine and kind to everyone, no matter what, and am relatively naive, so that helps limit bad interactions to some extent.

but earlier this year, i was trapped in a situation with a boss (they had power over me, so i couldn't leave) and was stuck listening to them hammer at me relentlessly with cruel, personal insults. (my union wasn't willing to do anything because of work politics.) my boss had teased out some misunderstandings and built them up in their head and let them fester until they felt the need to pull me into their office and scream really horrible things at me. they refused to let me defend myself and called me a liar every time i tried - basically begged - to explain where the misunderstandings must have come from, laughed at me when i asked them to stop yelling, threatened me over and over...i was full-bodied sobbing in front of them because i couldn't understand how this could have happened, how someone i knew and trusted (at work! not a shitty family member or abusive partner!) could snap and lose control like that at me. it was so so awful.

an older friend, who is much more cynical than i am, pointed out afterwards that this is par for the course when you're trying to be a nice and honest person; he tried to impress upon me the idea that if you are kind and passionate, you will inevitably & repeatedly encounter people who will harm you because they can do so without consequences. because if you care about being kind, they know you won't fight back. because if you care about your work, you'll do anything to keep doing it.

i have a really hard time with this perspective. again, i've lived through plenty of horrible things, no small number being directly related to injustice and prejudice, and i firmly believe that you don't get the chance to opt out of suffering in life. i know that there are worse things that happen on vastly different scales. i also know vocational awe and abuse is a real issue in the arts and in helping professions - i made it my life's work to help people who've suffered childhood trauma, as did my coworkers, but unfortunately the kind of people who run not-for-profits are rarely (if ever?) cool, decent people.

so i can't stop thinking about this day - i quit my job, even though i was eventually able to calm my boss down, because i have boundaries when it comes to yelling at work, but the excessive degree of cruelty sticks in my mind. i can't wrap my head around it because her behaviour feels so antithetical to anything i could ever even imagine doing to another person, especially in a workplace. i'm not obsessing over it, but this degree of meanness really sticks, you know? as we get older and encounter more people like this, how do we keep our hearts open? how do we make sense of cruelty when we have no way of fighting it or reasoning with it? as we get older and get a better sense of how limited our power is in the world, how do we let go and move on without losing hope?

I think we are able to let go and move on without losing hope because "letting go" is not surrendering our own capacity for action--it's surrendering the belief that we should be able to (if we are truly "good and virtuous" enough as people) control the responses and decisions of other people.

I think it's very easy to conflate the two: that letting go is the same as not caring, but they aren't mutually inclusive things in the least. And I think this idea maybe comes from the same perspective you described your older friend as having (and I am with you in this, because I do not abide by that belief either)--that if you are kind and passionate, you will inevitably & repeatedly encounter people who will harm you because they can do so without consequences. I think the biggest issue I have with this (and I have many) is that it assumes a responsibility for others' actions that you are not obliged to have. And in doing so it actually erases the notion of accountability (which we do have) by putting the brunt of it on a single party, effectively absolving the other (the person who acted cruelly and caused you harm in the first place) of any responsibility they themselves have. It's a perspective I don't like because it negates itself without realising, or acknowledging, that it does so but still posits its view as an undeniable truth about the world: by its own logic people have enough agency to act in cruel ways because they know they can get away with it (which implies a conscious, measured, analytic decision), but somehow not enough agency to be held responsible for that decision in the first place.

It's not an objective statement, but a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you are going to be responsible for other people's unwarranted mistreatment of you, then, yes, caring and sincerity aren't worthy endeavours--but only because you have actively created, and justified, a world in which your right to behave callously takes precedence and is, therefore (whether this is conscious or not, admitted or not), valued. And at its heart, I sometimes think that is what statements like this are about: they're an indicator of what we value in this world, even if we don't realise it, or would be horrified to realise it

I think that because this idea is so prevalent and exists in so many different variations--the idea that you have to guard yourself against others because people will "always" take advantage of you otherwise--it trickles down even to those of us who don't believe it; you convince yourself that any mistreatment has to be a failing on your part: your kindness wasn't good enough, your attempts at understanding weren't empathetic enough--in short: you made a bad investment and therefore you were not good enough. And when we fall into this trap, the same thing happens to us as happens to the person who harmed you: you lose sight of your own agency and your own capacity for decision-making, and the role these occupy in every interaction, for every person.

Being kind, open, and sincere, to me, are things that have very little, if anything, to do with other people--they are decisions that I have made regarding my conduct, my beliefs, and my hopes for the kind of world that I want to live in, and the world I want to build with each interaction I have with someone else. They are not a means of measuring my own worth in the eyes of others, or proving myself to people to show that I am good enough, I can be good enough, that if you let me show you who I am, what I am, how I am then surely this can overcome anything (because I am giving everything I have) and you can accept me and therefore I can accept myself--because the fallout of that is, like I said, that if someone rejects it and decides instead to offer cruelty, the edifice of my entire being falls apart: why? because I have hitched it all on someone else's decision. The decision that I made, the decision that I came to as a result of all my experiences, all my hurts and beliefs, all that I have learnt and unlearnt in order to get to a place where I can exist in the world in a way that gives me fulfillment (in essence: the sum of my entire life)--all of that suddenly doesn't matter anymore, and why? Because someone else decided to be shitty?

This is what I mean about agency, and about our own capacity for action. Someone else's choice doesn't have to be mine. But it is their choice. And if you offer kindness and are met with callousness, that is a choice on their part, not yours. Letting go of others' cruelty towards you, and cruelty in the world at large, is not letting go of your own beliefs or changing who you are and how you approach or live in the world. It's simply saying: this is me, and that is you--otherwise it'd be like deciding that you no longer like oranges because some random person thinks clementines are gross.

I don't necessarily believe that all acts of cruelty are beyond understanding, but I also don't believe that understanding is going to come as some kind of revelatory moment that will make it all make sense. But what I do believe is that, sometimes, especially when it comes to people treating us as horrifically as your boss treated you (and I really am so sorry that you were forced to endure something so awful for that long), when we look for understanding, what we're looking for is a justification: that there has to be a why to explain it all and tidy these painful interactions up like a neat and indisputable equation. But I don't believe that they are always the same thing. If I were to take any of the hateful rhetoric I see around me--sexism, racism, homophobia etc--and try to understand it I know I won't and never could, and I'm thankful for that: because, for me, the very moment it begins to make sense to me is the moment I have seen something in it that can be justified and that will never ever be the case. But what I can understand is how we have a world in which these exist--I can see and recognize all the various points of power and domination that require a constant renewal and generation of such intense violence and hate in order to maintain a status quo whose sole priority is its own preservation, at the brutal cost of anyone and everything else. That, in situations like these, is what understanding is to me: it isn't acceptance or justification but knowing how certain aspects of this world work so that I can make the decision to refuse them.

The key thing, I think, in trying to understand why people treat us unkindly, is knowing that we can refuse it, not by negating it as a reality (this is naivety and can, sometimes, be just as insular as blind cynicism) but recognising that sometimes people respond in ways that are the result of factors that have nothing to do with us personally--they could be the result of traumas, immaturity, selfishness, bad behavioural feedback loops or simply plain pettiness--but it isn't our job to somehow fix that for them.

When it comes down to it, at the heart of most pessimism (and some cruelty) is a reservoir of fear or pain, or some concoction of the two. Our world is a profoundly fucked up place, in many regards, and all of us accumulate a host of hurts and traumas as a result of that: you cannot always control the things that happen to you but you can control the decisions you make about your life and the actions you choose to follow as a result. Your boss made a calculated, deliberate decision to berate you in the most painful and humiliating way possible--this had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her. People who decide, consistently, to act cruelly will do so regardless of who is on the receiving end: it isn't about the person they target, but about whatever this cruelty and targetting validates for them and that is a choice. You cannot understand why she would do this to you because you know there is no justification for it. And that is something to hold on to because already it shows you that you are absolutely not like her. And that is where your agency and your ability to not lose hope lies.

I think the only way, sometimes, that I have managed to deal with this (and despair in general at the things that happen in this world sometimes) is to recognise what I can control and what I can't. It doesn't make things less painful, but it does make them less crippling. Whatever has happened in people's lives, the views they take as a result and the decisions that they then make--that isn't something I can change. All I can account for is how I respond, learn and grow from my own experiences. Other people can have their truths about the world, but I also have mine: and I assert it over and over again through the people I surround myself with, through the little actions I take to try and make it all as bearable as I can for myself and others, where I'm able to. I think, for me, recognizing the world's duality is part of that: knowing that cruelty exists, that pain exists, that senseless violence exists and knowing, too, that beauty exists, that graciousness, and openness, and kindness exist--and that I can resolve to bring more of those into the world and less of the others, even if it's only in my tiny corner of it. It may be small, but it exists. And if my life is a testament to nothing else but that, then I know I'll have spent it sincerely, regardless of what others choose to do with theirs. I really hope this helps you somewhat, anon 💕

[jils-things]

Oh my gosh, wait--I can send you asks, again!! I wanted to send you one a while ago, but I forgot what it was ... ao, instead, today I bring you the knowledge that I thought about my Heathlock Pokémon AU, again--got sucked into listening to creepy Pokémon videos, at work, and it made me think about Sherry's role as a detective in the world of Pokémon ... mainly exploring spooky places because I'm obsessed with that.

Anyway!! The point is spooky Pokémon stuff reminded me of you, and that made me smile. I love your ship with No.rton (how could I not??), but I won't ever stop associating you with Pokémon. /lh

~ 🪻

SARAAAHH HI AGAIN!!! hehe i miss chatting w you!!! 💚💚💚💚💚💚 OKAYOKAY

perfectly timed that you'd bring up spooky stuff since ive been rolling around the dark genre more and more recently (despite me playing stardew /silly) and EEKKK i love that!!! do you think she also is the type to debunk mysteries? like we all know how many ghost 'mons have at least one spooky fact about them and does she go after those speculations? she's so cool for that honestly 😤😤😤

SO SO HAPPY I'M THE SPOOKY MUTUAL 💚💚💚 it's becoming a more pronounced interest for me hehehe and wkwkskeke idk its just nice to be reminded of others especially when you're outside and i am so flattered~ (to be honest i do the same too, everytime i enter a bookstore... /pos)

i am not at all bothered that you still feel more familiar with me when its pokemon and if anything, it just makes me more happy so thank you! idv is ... the secondary media youd associate with me, im guessing /silly nyeheheh