#am i your least cool mutual. be honest

[acheronist]

putting on canary in a coalmine by the police. opening up john torringtons wikipedia page. scrolling to the death and autopsy portion and looking at it for hours

[notjanine]

i am in suuuuuch a weird headspace rn, my brain is like. i want half a boyfriend i want a husband i want an easy carefree hookup i want to have sex with only one more person in my entire life i want to have a slut era i want someone to fall in love with me i want to ruin a man's life. who am i

[scoops-aboy86]

See You Everywhere (Secret Admirer pt 3)

Steddie Week 2024, July 3: Long / mutual pining / Holding Me by Warlock

It's still July 3 in my time zone, haha I made it! *lame fist pump*

wc: 3293 / rated: T / set between seasons 2 and 3 / also on ao3

Darling Steve,

You amaze me on so many counts, not least by thinking I would stop writing to you after that, holy shit, not stupid at all. I see the vision, baby, and I think it’s precious that you’d rather picture me in disguise than imagine me wrong. But, sweetheart, you have to know that there are no wrong answers in these letters. This is much more firmly within my comfort zone than yours, I know, so I will never judge you for anything you write to me. 

(Although I am honor-bound to gently, lovingly point out that it’s Bilbo, not Bibo. And I hope your band of gremlins does not end up guiding you to lead a life of crime. Trust me, it’s not as glamorous as it might seem without the swords and the magic and the fantastic creatures.)

But I digress. I would happily slink into your bedroom at night, dressed all in black. (I wear a lot of dark colors anyway, so it’s not that much of a stretch.) I’d scale the outside wall up to your bedroom window and silently slip inside. Step softly so as not to disturb you as I approach the bed, where you slumber peacefully in… I want to say, with hope in my heart, nothing but those Hawkins High gym shorts? Nights have been hot lately, that and leaving the window open should help you keep cool. My own costume would be a little warm in this weather but it is, if I am to preserve my secret identity, a necessary sacrifice; one I would willingly make for the privilege of touching you. 

Do me a favor, sweetheart, and touch yourself while you read this. Through fabric, if you want to make it authentic, if you imagine me wearing gloves. (So smart for that, baby, because honestly you’d figure out a lot about me just from seeing my hands.) Lay back like a good boy, Steve, and let me make you feel good and pull those shorts down. It’s dark, I could pull up my mask a little bit to use my mouth. Suck you until you’re hard, use my hand for whatever I can’t fit in my mouth because I can tell you’re very gifted in that area. It’s a shame I’d have my hair covered because I like having it pulled, but I could still moan around you while thinking about it.

And baby? I’d swallow.

I’ll leave it there because… to be perfectly honest, I got a little distracted and made a mess of myself. You have no idea what you do to me, Steve, I feel like I’m on top of the world and all I’ve done is take the fantasy you provided and run with it. 

Which is embarrassing, because I started writing these letters because I wanted to give you something. You’ve seemed so melancholy ever since last fall and I wanted to let you know that someone sees you and cares. And here I am, selfishly imagining you when I can’t let you do the same, because if you knew who I am I don’t think you’d want me. I’m pretty far outside of your type, judging by anyone I’ve ever seen you with or noticed you show interest in. I listen to music you would probably hate. I don’t like sports, be it playing or spectating. Our high school experiences are on such opposite ends of the spectrum that we practically went to different schools. Your house is a castle and mine a hovel. We have nothing in common but I am filled to bursting with devotion to you that I can’t even. 

Do you really want me to continue writing, Steve? I know you’ve asked me to be before, but we’re in new territory here. I know I started it, but I really do feel like it was maybe uncool of me and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. 

I’ll follow your example and end on a different note. How is it going with your coworker? I don’t have a steady nine to five myself—or the part time version, I guess—but I imagine working with someone who likes to butt heads with you is pretty grating. If it’s an issue, I hope it resolves soon. Wishing you as little stress in your life as possible, I remain, as always—

Your Secret Admirer

P.S. Before you ask, I do recall saying in my last letter that I don’t mind weird. To clarify: I will accept just about any weirdness from you, sweetheart, but it’s different when I do it. Forgive me my dramatics, but at the end of the day, everyone is their own harshest critic. 

~

Eddie is suffering. He’s haunted, too distracted to plan his next campaign or practice guitar—which, incidentally, are the things that usually distract him too much from things like school work or finding a respectable job. All he can think about is Steve, and by inevitable extension Steve’s ninja scenario.  

He’d laughed at first, okay? (Before, you know. Getting really, really into it.) Not in a derogatory way, but because it was actually a creative solution to something that a lot of dudes might not even consider a problem. 

Since I don’t know what you look like and it’d be weird to try and picture you anyway, and then what if I’m not even close and that makes it seem like I don’t like you for who you are?

Because, just, Jesus H. Christ. Eddie has fooled around with guys in places out in Indy, and being liked for who he is doesn’t really factor in. So this is… new. He feels almost seen, something that should be impossible while he’s still shrouded in anonymity, and yet Steve seems to be holding space for that veil to be lifted someday.

‘Someday’ suggests a mutual future of some sort, which is sparking a dangerous ember of hope in Eddie’s foolish heart. And in the meantime there’s always the mental image of getting to secretly blow the prettiest boy in Hawkins—

Fuck, he needs to get out of this tin oven of a trailer. He’d put his latest letter in the mail two days ago, then come straight home to jerk off some more and smoke his way into absolute paranoia that this time he’d really blown it. Gone full throttle on that fantasy, then told Steve not to want him, then said something dumb about that girl he works with, and then still mailed it?! 

He needs fresh air. 

(He goes and checks his PO box.)

Any air. 

(No reply yet, but the Hawkins Post Office isn’t known for its speed or efficiency.)

Air conditioning. 

It doesn’t surprise him, really, when he ends up pulling his van into the parking lot surrounding Starcourt Mall. Because Steve Harrington is haunting him and will keep doing so matter where he goes, so why not here? Eddie doesn’t even bother to fight the way his feet carry him towards Scoops. Wouldn’t be the first time, after all—Steve’s ass looks great in both green and blue—but he tries not to do it too often. 

All he wants is a crumb, a tiny direct interaction with the guy, even if Steve continues to remain none the wiser. 

~

Steve is suffering. Which really grates, because he woke up in a great mood! He’s already working on a reply to the latest letter—once again all stocked up on paper, so he can rewrite it nicer if he makes a mess of it this time. Every time he thinks about it his chest (and, okay, sometimes his dick too, he’s still a teenaged boy) fills up with giddy warmth knowing that his Secret Admirer liked his dumb ninja idea. Specifically said it wasn’t stupid and that they had to stop writing to masturbate about it. 

(Girls do that, right? Maybe not as often as dudes, but he really has had phone sex with enough of them to know they’re not necessarily opposed. That wasn’t a clue, Secret Admirer still could be either.)

So today should be going great, but instead he’s felt a headache coming ever since he hopped in his car to drive to work. Too late to take anything for it, though Advil or Tylenol sometimes barely dent in these things. He puts his sunglasses on for the drive and into the mall in the hope that will buy him some time before the worst of it hits. 

If only he could stay home, laying in his room as dark as he can make it with a cold washcloth over his eyes and a can of Coke with a crazy straw at the ready. Even better if he could somehow just call and get Secret Admirer to come over to keep him silent company, refreshing the washcloth for him when it gets warm…

“Shades aren’t part of the uniform, cool guy,” Robin says flatly when he walks into Scoops through the back. “I don’t care how hungover you are, company rules.”

“I’m not hungover on a damn Tuesday,” he grumbles back. But maybe it’ll be okay. Maybe the headache will hold off at least until his break, then if he clocks out early at least he still got half a shift’s pay. Maybe if it holds off a little longer after that he’ll be able to get all the way home without being a danger behind the wheel. 

He leaves the sunglasses folded on the break room table and starts helping her haul fresh tubs of ice cream from the walk-in to the display case out front. 

It’s going to be a long shift. 

~

By the time Eddie gets to Scoops, there’s a line so long it’s practically out the door. Frowning, he checks his watch for the time, something he hadn’t bothered to do in the van, and realizes it’s probably the tail end of the lunch rush. Super. 

Steve and the girl he works with are both behind the counter, taking turns scooping and ringing up each individual customer or group and then cycling back around to help the next in line. As he waits, Eddie watches from behind the cover of his long hair and realizes that Steve seems off today. He keeps squinting under the fluorescent lights, distracted, sometimes asking people to repeat themselves to both their and his coworker’s obvious annoyance. But it’s not until some kid shrieks that she asked for double fudge chunk and he’s scooping regular chocolate that Steve winces and brings his shoulders up like he’s trying to cover his ears, and oh. Oh, Eddie thinks he knows what this is. 

Sometimes I get these headaches that really mess me up. It doesn’t just hurt, it’s like all the lights get way too bright and sometimes my eyes go blurry for a while. Great parting gift from the concussion. Ice cream helps sometimes though, which is convenient if I’m at work. 

The tiniest amount of research at the library (or, in fact, two afternoons in a row) had told Eddie that this could be anything from migraines to a brain tumor, but given the concussion the former is more likely. If Steve is having one of those, this is probably the worst place for him to be: loud, bright, and enough people crowded into the ice cream parlor that even with mall air conditioning it feels lukewarm in here, when what he needs is quiet, dark, and a cold compress. And this is not the kind of place where he can just throw up and take a nap—not without the risk of getting in trouble, maybe fired.

Eddie knows that Steve is going to keep trying to power through it, because he knows all about how the guy is saving up to move out of his parents’ house. (Castle… Oh god, he’d called it a castle in his last letter, why had he done that? He knows that Steve wants out of there, wants somewhere cozy and lived-in as opposed to his mother’s taste in cool and impersonal decor.)

There’s nothing he can do but wait as the line inches forward. As a slight tremor starts to show in Steve’s hands, which Eddie is watching like a hawk. By the time Eddie, still last in line, is within touching distance of the display case it’s a full on shake, and Steve fumbles his ice cream scoop trying to spin it into the side loop on his apron. 

The clatter is loud against the background elevator music version of a The Beach Boys song. Steve’s coworker—Robin, according to her name tag—looks up sharply at the sound, but an uncertain kind of concern seeps into her frown when she gets a good look at him. “Steve? You alive over there?”

Steve, who has gone very pale, gives a slight shake of his head that seems to make his whole body sway. “Need a clean scoop. I’ll just… run to the back,” he manages, then stumbles towards the swinging doors marked Employees Only. There’s a choked noise as soon as he’s out of sight, and Robin seems to come to the same conclusion as Eddie: he won’t be back for a while. 

To her credit, she puts on a passably bright fake smile at the lady Steve had been helping, taking her mostly finished cup from the counter where Steve had left it and adding the requested chocolate syrup on top. 

Finally, it’s Eddie’s turn. But now he’s the one who’s distracted, trying to squint through the frosted glass of the window to the back room for any sign of Steve moving around. 

“What can I get you, Munson?” Robin asks loudly, a little annoyed as though it’s not the first time she’s asked. Oops. 

He also feels a little bad that he didn’t recognize her when she obviously knows him, likely from his lunchtime cafeteria soapbox spectacles, but ever since the first time he’d failed senior year he’d tuned out on all the rising underclassmen besides Steve pretty hard.

Eddie orders while glancing towards the window again and fiddling with the chain attached to his belt loop. “Actually, make that two cones. One for me and one to cheer up your fellow at sea.”

Robin wrinkles her nose. “You, Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson, want to buy Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington an ice cream cone?”

He shrugs, something inside him shriveling because, yeah, that would seem weird from an outsider’s perspective, the way he usually rails against the jocks. Maybe he’s a little bit of a hypocrite in his affections, but whatever Steve was in high school he’s actually a massive sweetheart now. “Yeah, well. You know Hargrove gave him a concussion last year? King Steve may have been a douchebag to us commoners, but at least he’s not as bad as that piece of shit.”

“Okay,” she says slowly, but finishes scooping into the first cone and reaches for a second. “Are you sure there wasn’t some house party he was at last night? Everyone knows he got that title from being Keg King.”

It feels stupid to go to high school parties when I’m not in high school anymore. They’re too loud and just a couple of beers hit me like a brick because of my stupid messed up head. Partying used to be a good outlet but I can’t do it anymore. 

“Nah,” Eddie dismisses immediately, mind scrambling for a reason he can give for being so certain. “Nothing last night, or I would’ve been there. You know, for business purposes.” He leans forward conspiratorially. “By the way, if you ever need a little relief from the grind of dealing with shitty customers…”

It feels sleezy, and isn’t something he usually does, but it helps sell it. 

“Yeah, no, I’m good,” Robin says quickly, and moves to the register. “That’s three dollars and fifty cents.”

“Don’t forget the sprinkles,” he reminds her while digging the money out of his pocket. With that handed over and sprinkles dumped on, he takes his one cone and gestures grandly to the other. “And maybe don’t mention to his Highness that that was from me. It’d be a shame if he had the same reaction as you and simply tossed away good ice cream.”

That would crush him, actually. So even though he wants so, so badly to stay, he forces himself to leave before he tries to eavesdrop, just to be safe. 

~

“Steve?”

Startled, Steve jolts upright from where he’d been slumped in one of the break room chairs, wet paper towel sliding off his face and landing in his lap. The motion makes his head throb harder, and it’s all he can do to swallow down a groan. “Huh?” he grunts, eyes only open enough to make out Robin’s general shape. 

“Why’d you turn the lights off back here?” she asks, quieter this time. He can’t make out her tone at all through the sharp pain threatening to burst out of his skull, but he’s grateful for the lower volume. And that she doesn’t turn the lights back on. 

“‘S not a hangover,” he mumbles. Which, maybe he missed a step in that explanation. It was there in his head somewhere, surely she’ll make the connection? Or maybe just think he’s got some sort of stomach flu, since he totally threw up in the break room trash can. Hopefully in it. He’s… pretty sure he didn’t miss. 

“I’m getting that.” Very gently, Robin takes his hand and wraps it around an ice cream cone. “Here. Generous donation from a concerned citizen who shall remain nameless.”

Steve blinks down at the strawberry ice cream in a cone with rainbow sprinkles. 

Either this is the biggest coincidence in the world, or Secret Admirer was here. 

Suddenly his eyes are silently streaming, because he could use that comforting presence right about now. It shines through on every page—this overwhelming care that he’s never felt from anyone else, not even Nancy. Whoever it is must have remembered the one time he’d mentioned in one of his reply letters that ice cream helps his headaches sometimes. 

Steve cries because he wishes they would’ve just brought it themselves and done away with the mystery because he so, so longs to feel like someone’s in his corner now. Someone to give him a hug and rub just above his temples, which sometimes helps too. He takes a lick of the ice cream and chews on sprinkles and the tears come a little faster because he wants. 

“Oh shit,” Robin whispers, dropping into the seat across from him. “Are you crying? Steve—Steve, it’s okay, if you’re not feeling up to it I’m not gonna make you go back out there again. Especially not if you’re likely to ralph on the customers but, like, mostly because I’d feel like an asshole. I mean, I heard the rumors about you getting a concussion and that’s why you quit the basketball team and swim teams, but…” She hesitates, holding her hands up like he’s a bomb that she’s worried might explode in her face. “Just, it’s okay. You stay back here and I’ll finish the rest of the shift, you don’t even have to clock out. I’ll handle it.” 

For a moment, with hurt in his head and an ache in his heart and strawberry flavor on his tongue, Steve thinks it could be her. Maybe Robin is his Secret Admirer and it was her own idea to scoop this cone for him. But then she leaves, and that doesn’t feel right either. 

Steve is haunted by a faceless, nameless person that he’s probably crossed paths with without knowing god knows how many times. Or rather, by their absence.

Tag list: @hotluncheddie @lawrencebshoggoth @sofadofax @tangerinesteve @steviewashere

@cryingglightningg @theresebelivett @sleepy-steve @rozzieroos @lunaraindrop

@just-my-latest-hyperfixation @wheneverfeasible @swimmingbirdrunningrock @yesdangerpls @matchingbatbites

@ihavekidneys @p0lybl4nkk @grtwdsmwhr @cheesedoctor @whalesharksart

@thetinymm @envyadams-vs-me @practicallybegging @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @dauntlessdiva

@nerdyglassescheeseychick @fuzzyduxk @chaosgremlinmunson @greatwerewolfbeliever

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

Your tf2 headcannons make me smile :), how about the mercs going into their favorite game for a day and they have ti survive

Would The TF2 Mercs Survive In Their Favorite Video Game World? (+ Their Favorite Video Games)

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Awe! I'm so glad I can make you smile 😭Honestly makes me so happy in general to be able to make stuff people enjoy! For the sake of this to make seance I'm going to pretend that all these games work on real human time and take 24hrs for a day to pass (If the game takes more than one day to beat) or the game to be finished. (If the days passing is unspecified)

Also! Mutual appreciation comment time! Thank you for being a mutual I love your asks and thank you for all the likes 💖

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Okay enough of that to the prompt!

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TW: BLOOD, GORE, AND MENTIONS OF DEATH!

SPOILERS TOO FOR, OUTLAST, UNDERTALE,

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Demo- Borderlands 2

Of course Demo would love a game with mayhem, destruction, and humor. He also loves the fact that (for him at least) the game never gets boring, or dull. He always has fun when ever he loads up the game, so waking up one day in the game was both super exciting, and terrifying. I think he would survive, but then die as soon as the day was almost over, like he's not dying the second he wakes up, he's pretty good at the game after all, but he'd get confident, and then two seconds before the day his over he's shot in the head or something 😭

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Engie- Minecraft

I know, I know. It's not a fresh, new, or even controversial take, it's just what everyone assumes, but I wholeheartedly agree Minecraft is his favorite game. He loves the freedom to build, he thinks it super cool he can use things that he would normally not be able to build with. He also loves being able to play with his friends (Pyro and Scout) specifically. He's beat the game at least ten times, and knows the game inside and out. Waking up in the game was suppressing, but to be honest, I think he's had weirder situations happen. He immediately knows what to do, and is on it. After only twenty minutes of being in the game, he's already working on a house, by time the night is actually here he's somehow found diamonds and is working on his nether portal, is so upset to wake up in his bed the next day. He's bitter he couldn't finish the game. Doesn't die, obviously, but did have strong words with a skeleton after receiving an arrow to the back of the head.

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Heavy- Animal Crossing New Horizons.

I'm going to say it, this man doesn't really like violent video games. I know, controversial. My thing is, I don't think some of the mercs want to spend all their time killing, and then come back and kill fictional characters. But I could be wrong, but that doesn't matter because Heavy like Animal Crossing. He loves the villagers, loves the mundane tasks, loves how just, relaxing playing the game is. If he woke up on his AC island he'd be so happy. Hugs all the villagers, fishes, catches bugs, talks to Blathers about literally everything he can. This man is just having a great time, and I for one, am happy for him. Doesn't die (Even if he could, he still wouldn't) But did get stung by wasps at least once trying to catch them.

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Medic- Outlast (For the sake of the game being finished in the way Outlast is played medic is forced into the same confines Miles is put in)

Are we shocked that this man loves one of the most iconic horror games ever made? Loves how many boundaries it destroyed, how gross some of the parts are, and how bloody other parts can be. Giggles at all the gory scenes. ALSO WHEN SEES THE DOCTOR??? When he wakes up in the world, he's very excited until he remembers how pretty much useless Miles is. He still, remains confident in his survival skills, still goes through the physical issues Miles goes through, and finds that to be rather inconvenient, (Regrets always complaining about how upset Miles seems to get, but he understands now that maybe, just maybe, when you aren't able to heal almost immediately, that losing a finger or two isn't super easy to cope with) but regardless, he does survive, he doesn't die because of a lack of skill or overconfidence, but dies do to the plot advancement, you know?

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Scout- Apex Legends

I think in the same vein as Engie, this probably isn't a fresh take, but it still fits. Scout is good at Apex, like really good. I think it's easy to make him a silly little guy, but he's ruthless when he wants or needs to be. This man is an Apex champion more than most people, has more kills than you'd ever think, and is honestly a better teammate in Apex than on the field with the other mercs 😭 He wakes up in Apex world and he's so thrilled, he's ready to put his real-world skills into his favorite game and does pretty well until he's knocked down by an enemy, he hides behind a box and waits for his teammates to come help him, they start moving father away, he moves over to them, they move again, he bleeds out as his two other teammates walk away from him. (Totally never happened to me) then they didn't pick up his banner, so eventually, he just woke up after dying and is so pissed. It did make him a bit kinder when it comes to helping out his teammates, in hopes that he'll never go through that again.

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Sniper- Superhot

Way too good at Superhot, it's almost troubling how many hours he's put into the game. You'd swear you could see the enemies shaking anytime they appear on camera. Sniper sometimes uses this as an opportunity to practice dodging, but also just has fun fighting against an enemy. Loves the slo-mo shots he can get. Loves splitting enemies in half with different weapons. Also love the mind control and weird story setup of it all. If he woke up suddenly pixilated, fighting other pixilated entities, he's either freaking out or shrugging it off. Probably the latter, knowing him. He survives well, with only a few close calls, it's a lot easier when your hitbox isn't an entire VR headset after all. Genuinely has fun being put in the Superhot world for a day.

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Spy- Hitman

Now, I thought I'd be so clever and come up with original ideas, but I was wrong. I think Spy plays Hitman plays for ideas, how weapons would look, how messy a kill would be, etc. Also loves being able to have very minimal risk when he's "killing" It stresses a guy out when you live life trying not to get caught every day, you know? As much as this man likes this game, he is so pissy when he wakes up in this game. He's basically just living a full 24 hours of his regular day job and is exhausted by the end of it. He does a good job, doesn't get caught, and manages to keep his suit clean. Has never been so received to wake up.

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Soldier- Call of Duty Modern Warfare

A man who loves war likes a game about war, who would have guessed? No, but in all honesty, the military aspect is one of his favorite parts of it, he also loves the range of weapons and all the different roles you can play in the game. I'm not going to lie though, if he woke up in the COD world, he'd probably have a breakdown. Like he'd freak thinking everything before this was a fever dream, but he'll eventually figure it out. He would kill at any task he was given, and survive, he'd wake up and immediately feel better because as much as he loves the game, he never wants to go back.

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Pyro- Undertale

Pyro loves Undertale so much that it's insane. Has played his game, at least 30 times. Has never, not even once, played the genocide route. They cannot bring themselves to kill a froggit, let alone Papyrus or anyone else. When Pyro wakes up in the Undertale world they are thrilled, jumping up and down, giggling, screaming, you know all that fun. Literally gives Toriel the biggest hug ever. They have the best time of their life. Manages to do a deathless run, somehow, probably because of the insane amount of times they've played through it, but is heartbroken that they wake up after only being able to get through the neutral route.

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I'm sorry this took so long! I loved this prompt but I hit a slump, and I've been fighting with myself to get it posted, I'm sorry if it's not great, I hope you like it though 💖

I'll try and be more consistent I promise 🫶🏻

[afyrian]

Fic authors self rec! ♡ When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ♡

☆ thanks lale!!

my bisque beau | osamu miya

this multichapter fic will probably always be my pride and joy! i was so engaged and happy to write it every day 🙂‍↕️ i’ve been a bit off with my writing lately so i like to look at it for inspo. i can’t start working on a kneading kiss just so i can write osamu and y/n again!!

takeout dinner | kiyoko shimizu

this drabble is so indulgent for me, sorry y’all (i am not sorry in the slightest). i love writing kiyoko because she is the love of my life. but more specifically i love writing domestic situations and just people living! like eating takeout dinner together while you try to figure out your feelings for your roommate

japan’s summer persimmons | kita shinsuke

maybe it was just the ‘88 ford (@nectardaddy) lover in me, but this fic was so fun to write!! like the country boy x city girl trope is a little silly and goofy but also so cool to explore 🙂‍↕️ plus i just like the song that i based it on

a (crush)ed drink | hinata shoyo

every so often i remember hinata used to deliver food in brazil and honestly it would be such a good meet cute scenario!! and that’s why i love this fic! it just exasperates his clumsiness and awkwardness that, let’s be honest, isn’t always shown in different fics :( i love awkward characters who forget to introduce themselves!!

ferris wheel kisses | kuroo tetsuro

the first drabble i wrote this account… which is insane to think about because it was just mid june when i wrote it 😭 so really it’s just on this list because i love it and how this account brought me and a lot of my mutuals together!!

thanks again everyone for all the love and support <33

[your-unfriendlyghost]

4, 5, 7, 14

(Okay I really liked these ones fyi)

4. Rank the main 7.

  Ooh tough one. I guess right now, in order of favorite to least favorite, I’d have to go Sodapop, Two-Bit, Steve, Johnny, Ponyboy, Dally, and then finally Darry. But it’s pretty close, and the order changes day by day honestly- I like all of them a lot, y’know? I guess the only one I don’t think about too often is Darry. I still like him and think he’s a really well-written character- I just don’t have a lotta original thoughts about him, is all, whereas I do about all the others. 

5. What are your fave ships?

  In a truly shocking turn of events, I, a frequent draw-er and writer of Stevepop, am going to say Stevepop. I dunno, something about them just makes me happy. Reminds me of like…daydreams I had when I was twelve and crushing on my best friend, and trying to get her attention by doing stupid things and whatever…god I don’t really know how to explain why I like it. Before this fandom I didn’t usually ship things, to be honest. But I guess when I did it’d be stuff like Jesslake in Infinity Train, where it’s the sorta thing that can be seen as platonic or romantic. I reckon Stevepop scratches a similar itch in my brain lol

  But I also really like Marcia x Two-Bit, which I haven’t really talked about here much- They had good chemistry, y’know? I oughta draw something about them sometime

  And then finally there’s my DIY crack-ish ship Soda x Steve x Evie. I like them! It’s all the things I like about Stevepop, plus there’s a cool girl in the mix! I love cool girls! More folks should think about them i think

  I do like other ships okay too- like the Tarry crowd has dragged me in, and sometimes the Jally crowd does too, along with Purly and occasionally Johnnyboy. I’m not an active participant, but when I come across it, I sorta mentally nod and say “nice”, you dig? They’re like…my ship-in-laws. Or like…milk duds and hershey bars- candy I still enjoy, but reach for only after I’m out of milky ways and twizzlers.

7. What are your fave non-romantic relationships? (This can be close friends, familial, enemies or even just acquaintances)

  Two-Bit and Pony! I like them a lot. Their interactions in the book were some of my favorite parts. That line when Two-Bit was worried about Ponyboy using that broken bottle on the Socs…ugh that part was great. I remember reading it for the first time and just sitting there thinking about how much I liked that detail.

  Then on the opposite side of the coin, Steve and Pony lol. I LOVE how Pony doesn’t initially like Dally or Steve, and yet Dally’s chill with Pony…but with Steve the disdain is mutual. Jk I don’t think Steve really hates Pony- but he definitely thinks Pony’s kinda annoying. I like the idea of him watching out for Pony anyways though, like at school especially now that Soda’s not going.

14. Tell us five of your headcanons you basically see as canon

Sodapop has ADHD and maybe (?) dyslexia, but it’s the 60s so he won’t find out till he’s well into adulthood

Marcia gave Two-Bit her real number, and was disappointed when he didn’t call it. I like to imagine they end up remeeting at some point and going out together- even if that’s kinda unrealistic lol

Steve hated Dally when he first rolled into town, because Dally was everything he really wanted to be- tough, cool, and street-smart. And he was also scared of losing Soda, who thought Dally rocked- because Dally’s from New York and rides in rodeos! Eventually they became buddies though when Dally gave Steve a compliment or something. Not even a particularly good one- something like “Hey you ain’t bad at fighting”- just barely enough for Steve to feel like Dally’s earned a little bit of his loyalty. Might write fic/make a comic for this- it’s kinda niche but I think the idea is funny

Steve and Soda secretly listen to the Beach Boys at the DX. They can’t tell anyone because it’s not tuff to like a dumb California band. And Ponyboy would like the Beatles if he listened to them, but he doesn’t, so he won’t realize that until years after Beatlemania has died down

Steve is not just a Ponyboy hater but also a horses-in-general hater. He thinks horses are scary and unpredictable and that cars were invented for a reason. He was secretly relieved when Mr. Curtis stopped Soda from riding rodeos, because seeing Soda on a crazy horse gave him mad anxiety. Pretended he was sad though for Soda’s sake

Thanks so much for asking!! I loved answering these so much lol, definitely let me know your thoughts too on ‘em!

[soracities]

hi mim! i hope you're keeping well :) i wonder if you have any experience or thoughts on something, as a fellow late twenties-er:

how do you deal with unaccountable/unjustified cruelty towards you? like most people, i've lived through some bad times and have had pleeeeenty of people be mean to me, but generally as an adult, especially in the last few years, i do all right managing social situations & protecting myself, so i can safely disengage or accept the shitty stuff until the feelings dissipate. also, i try really, really hard to be genuine and kind to everyone, no matter what, and am relatively naive, so that helps limit bad interactions to some extent.

but earlier this year, i was trapped in a situation with a boss (they had power over me, so i couldn't leave) and was stuck listening to them hammer at me relentlessly with cruel, personal insults. (my union wasn't willing to do anything because of work politics.) my boss had teased out some misunderstandings and built them up in their head and let them fester until they felt the need to pull me into their office and scream really horrible things at me. they refused to let me defend myself and called me a liar every time i tried - basically begged - to explain where the misunderstandings must have come from, laughed at me when i asked them to stop yelling, threatened me over and over...i was full-bodied sobbing in front of them because i couldn't understand how this could have happened, how someone i knew and trusted (at work! not a shitty family member or abusive partner!) could snap and lose control like that at me. it was so so awful.

an older friend, who is much more cynical than i am, pointed out afterwards that this is par for the course when you're trying to be a nice and honest person; he tried to impress upon me the idea that if you are kind and passionate, you will inevitably & repeatedly encounter people who will harm you because they can do so without consequences. because if you care about being kind, they know you won't fight back. because if you care about your work, you'll do anything to keep doing it.

i have a really hard time with this perspective. again, i've lived through plenty of horrible things, no small number being directly related to injustice and prejudice, and i firmly believe that you don't get the chance to opt out of suffering in life. i know that there are worse things that happen on vastly different scales. i also know vocational awe and abuse is a real issue in the arts and in helping professions - i made it my life's work to help people who've suffered childhood trauma, as did my coworkers, but unfortunately the kind of people who run not-for-profits are rarely (if ever?) cool, decent people.

so i can't stop thinking about this day - i quit my job, even though i was eventually able to calm my boss down, because i have boundaries when it comes to yelling at work, but the excessive degree of cruelty sticks in my mind. i can't wrap my head around it because her behaviour feels so antithetical to anything i could ever even imagine doing to another person, especially in a workplace. i'm not obsessing over it, but this degree of meanness really sticks, you know? as we get older and encounter more people like this, how do we keep our hearts open? how do we make sense of cruelty when we have no way of fighting it or reasoning with it? as we get older and get a better sense of how limited our power is in the world, how do we let go and move on without losing hope?

I think we are able to let go and move on without losing hope because "letting go" is not surrendering our own capacity for action--it's surrendering the belief that we should be able to (if we are truly "good and virtuous" enough as people) control the responses and decisions of other people.

I think it's very easy to conflate the two: that letting go is the same as not caring, but they aren't mutually inclusive things in the least. And I think this idea maybe comes from the same perspective you described your older friend as having (and I am with you in this, because I do not abide by that belief either)--that if you are kind and passionate, you will inevitably & repeatedly encounter people who will harm you because they can do so without consequences. I think the biggest issue I have with this (and I have many) is that it assumes a responsibility for others' actions that you are not obliged to have. And in doing so it actually erases the notion of accountability (which we do have) by putting the brunt of it on a single party, effectively absolving the other (the person who acted cruelly and caused you harm in the first place) of any responsibility they themselves have. It's a perspective I don't like because it negates itself without realising, or acknowledging, that it does so but still posits its view as an undeniable truth about the world: by its own logic people have enough agency to act in cruel ways because they know they can get away with it (which implies a conscious, measured, analytic decision), but somehow not enough agency to be held responsible for that decision in the first place.

It's not an objective statement, but a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you are going to be responsible for other people's unwarranted mistreatment of you, then, yes, caring and sincerity aren't worthy endeavours--but only because you have actively created, and justified, a world in which your right to behave callously takes precedence and is, therefore (whether this is conscious or not, admitted or not), valued. And at its heart, I sometimes think that is what statements like this are about: they're an indicator of what we value in this world, even if we don't realise it, or would be horrified to realise it

I think that because this idea is so prevalent and exists in so many different variations--the idea that you have to guard yourself against others because people will "always" take advantage of you otherwise--it trickles down even to those of us who don't believe it; you convince yourself that any mistreatment has to be a failing on your part: your kindness wasn't good enough, your attempts at understanding weren't empathetic enough--in short: you made a bad investment and therefore you were not good enough. And when we fall into this trap, the same thing happens to us as happens to the person who harmed you: you lose sight of your own agency and your own capacity for decision-making, and the role these occupy in every interaction, for every person.

Being kind, open, and sincere, to me, are things that have very little, if anything, to do with other people--they are decisions that I have made regarding my conduct, my beliefs, and my hopes for the kind of world that I want to live in, and the world I want to build with each interaction I have with someone else. They are not a means of measuring my own worth in the eyes of others, or proving myself to people to show that I am good enough, I can be good enough, that if you let me show you who I am, what I am, how I am then surely this can overcome anything (because I am giving everything I have) and you can accept me and therefore I can accept myself--because the fallout of that is, like I said, that if someone rejects it and decides instead to offer cruelty, the edifice of my entire being falls apart: why? because I have hitched it all on someone else's decision. The decision that I made, the decision that I came to as a result of all my experiences, all my hurts and beliefs, all that I have learnt and unlearnt in order to get to a place where I can exist in the world in a way that gives me fulfillment (in essence: the sum of my entire life)--all of that suddenly doesn't matter anymore, and why? Because someone else decided to be shitty?

This is what I mean about agency, and about our own capacity for action. Someone else's choice doesn't have to be mine. But it is their choice. And if you offer kindness and are met with callousness, that is a choice on their part, not yours. Letting go of others' cruelty towards you, and cruelty in the world at large, is not letting go of your own beliefs or changing who you are and how you approach or live in the world. It's simply saying: this is me, and that is you--otherwise it'd be like deciding that you no longer like oranges because some random person thinks clementines are gross.

I don't necessarily believe that all acts of cruelty are beyond understanding, but I also don't believe that understanding is going to come as some kind of revelatory moment that will make it all make sense. But what I do believe is that, sometimes, especially when it comes to people treating us as horrifically as your boss treated you (and I really am so sorry that you were forced to endure something so awful for that long), when we look for understanding, what we're looking for is a justification: that there has to be a why to explain it all and tidy these painful interactions up like a neat and indisputable equation. But I don't believe that they are always the same thing. If I were to take any of the hateful rhetoric I see around me--sexism, racism, homophobia etc--and try to understand it I know I won't and never could, and I'm thankful for that: because, for me, the very moment it begins to make sense to me is the moment I have seen something in it that can be justified and that will never ever be the case. But what I can understand is how we have a world in which these exist--I can see and recognize all the various points of power and domination that require a constant renewal and generation of such intense violence and hate in order to maintain a status quo whose sole priority is its own preservation, at the brutal cost of anyone and everything else. That, in situations like these, is what understanding is to me: it isn't acceptance or justification but knowing how certain aspects of this world work so that I can make the decision to refuse them.

The key thing, I think, in trying to understand why people treat us unkindly, is knowing that we can refuse it, not by negating it as a reality (this is naivety and can, sometimes, be just as insular as blind cynicism) but recognising that sometimes people respond in ways that are the result of factors that have nothing to do with us personally--they could be the result of traumas, immaturity, selfishness, bad behavioural feedback loops or simply plain pettiness--but it isn't our job to somehow fix that for them.

When it comes down to it, at the heart of most pessimism (and some cruelty) is a reservoir of fear or pain, or some concoction of the two. Our world is a profoundly fucked up place, in many regards, and all of us accumulate a host of hurts and traumas as a result of that: you cannot always control the things that happen to you but you can control the decisions you make about your life and the actions you choose to follow as a result. Your boss made a calculated, deliberate decision to berate you in the most painful and humiliating way possible--this had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her. People who decide, consistently, to act cruelly will do so regardless of who is on the receiving end: it isn't about the person they target, but about whatever this cruelty and targetting validates for them and that is a choice. You cannot understand why she would do this to you because you know there is no justification for it. And that is something to hold on to because already it shows you that you are absolutely not like her. And that is where your agency and your ability to not lose hope lies.

I think the only way, sometimes, that I have managed to deal with this (and despair in general at the things that happen in this world sometimes) is to recognise what I can control and what I can't. It doesn't make things less painful, but it does make them less crippling. Whatever has happened in people's lives, the views they take as a result and the decisions that they then make--that isn't something I can change. All I can account for is how I respond, learn and grow from my own experiences. Other people can have their truths about the world, but I also have mine: and I assert it over and over again through the people I surround myself with, through the little actions I take to try and make it all as bearable as I can for myself and others, where I'm able to. I think, for me, recognizing the world's duality is part of that: knowing that cruelty exists, that pain exists, that senseless violence exists and knowing, too, that beauty exists, that graciousness, and openness, and kindness exist--and that I can resolve to bring more of those into the world and less of the others, even if it's only in my tiny corner of it. It may be small, but it exists. And if my life is a testament to nothing else but that, then I know I'll have spent it sincerely, regardless of what others choose to do with theirs. I really hope this helps you somewhat, anon 💕

[prodigal-explorer]

speaking of your turn to die i need your turn to die mutuals you don't understand it's a need

so here are some your turn to die opinions and if you agree with them i'd love to be your homie! i promise i have lots of headcanons and goofy jokes and badly constructed essays.

spoilers for your turn to die up to 3-1b!

my top favorite characters of all time are reko, nao, kai, and jou! honorable mentions are kanna, gin, q-taro, sara, and shin!

i'm honestly not a massive fan of any of the floor masters or dolls in 3-1 purely because i feel like i didn't get the chance to know them well. it's a real shame too because i think they're super cool! just not quite fleshed out enough to my liking. i'm hoping we at least learn more about the floor masters in the finale because they have the potential to be so interesting!

i don't really like shipping in your turn to die, i kinda think it's unnecessary (though i don't hate on people who do ship!), but if i had to pick a ship i like, it would be reko x nao! i think it could be cute, and they have a lot of sweet moments in the game!

my favorite part of your turn to die to play is hands down 2-1. those attractions are so much fun! and all the mystery is insane, the part with the fake mishima ai was INSANEE. i also really liked 3-1 because of the part where you use the lantern to uncover people's memories about hiyori and asu-naro. it was so cool to get a glimpse of people's pasts!

to be honest i'm kind of a noob so i can never get it straight which route is logic is which is emotion (even though it's probably really obvious), but my favorite route is the one where kanna and reko live! i watched a playthrough of a route where shin lives but i didn't really like it as much, even though it was interesting to see that side of it!

this isn't really an opinion, just a confession, but i'm really dumb and really bad at the logic stuff so i lowkey thought it was impossible to save reko for the first like three years of playing the game...i figured it out though!

i've never once used a walkthrough to figure out your turn to die, i've always just used my own brain to figure things out. maybe...uh...maybe in hindsight, that's why it took me so long to figure out how to save reko...

the only character in the entire franchise that i genuinely dislike is keiji. i just think he's kinda creepy and off-putting (though that might be in part due to translation errors)? also i'm lesbian so i don't really find him hot i think he just looks like a muscly piece of popcorn.

in terms of my opinion on who the "mastermind" is i actually have literally no idea? the only idea i kind of have is that it's either sara or keiji because they're the only two who we don't get to see how they signed the asu-naro vow. but i also don't really get how it would be either of them because keiji was a victim of hiyori's tricks too, and sara just seems totally clueless. it makes my brain hurt to think about so i kinda choose not to.

i think the "gin is the mastermind" theory is mind-bogglingly stupid. sorry LMAO-

i think the theory of jou being the son of mr. policeman is actually super cool! i don't really know why it exists but i've seen people talking about it and i think that would be a cool connection.

i've read a few things about the referendum theory and i think it's a cool theory! it kinda make sense, though there are a few holes that i can't logic my way through quite yet. it seems very plausible though, and it would make for an interesting plot!

i don't think shin is overrated at all. he's a super interesting character and i love how he contributes to the story, and all the twists about him are so unique and exciting! i do hate when people water him down to like a soggy little man who's super weak and innocent, though. the coolest thing about him is his fortitude!

in case it wasn't obvious, i am on team "q-taro is the goat", especially after 3-1b. even after accidentally getting the ending where q-taro abandoned all of us i was like "okay but that was lowkey cunty af of him..." i've always been on homie q-taro's side and i also think it's hilarious that he's like supposed to be an american stereotype.

anyway that's all i can think of! i hope some of y'all wanna be friends!!

[aikoiya]

I just read a post where someone stated that they'd "rather eat human flesh than a rabbit or frog."

And I thought to myself, 'that's actually, legit, a disconcerting statement. You'd rather be a freaking cannibal?!'

Like, what about Lionfish that absolutely ravage reefs & eat anything they can kill? Even things much bigger than them?? Those fuckers are gonna turn the ocean into marine deserts if we don't crack down on them!

Then again, this was the same blog who hates God for how forgiving He is & one of their "grievances" with Him is that they were born with an onion allergy...

... I'm sorry. I'm still just trying to wrap my mind around the idea that someone has a list of grievances with God & one of those "grievances" is having an onion allergy...

They also stated that "there are some things that only God can forgive & if He can forgive them, then He's no God of mine."

Meanwhile, here I am, just happy to be alive & free! And to know that so long as I love Him earnestly, just generally be a good person, & be humble enough to ask forgiveness for my iniquities, He'll forgive almost any mistake I make!

Like, it's so odd to read that one of the things that an atheist hates God for is literally His capacity to forgive!!

And He doesn't just forgive people automatically! You have to recognize that you've done something wrong, you have to humble yourself before Him, & you have to ask for forgiveness with the intent to never do it again or at least of doing better.

Like, hate to break it to ya'll, but that's actually one of the things that makes me so dang certain that He's exactly who I will always rely on no matter what!

I'll be honest, if God is just not vindictive enough for some people & this fact is not cool to possible cannibals, then it just reinforces my decision to choose Him.

Because atheists are horrifying...

I pray ya'll leave some of that bitterness & hate behind you because this is all just... so asinine!!

Like, how freaking petty!? This is like a toddler getting upset about the fact that their dad won't let them touch the hot cooking eye & yelling, "I hate you" at him.

It really must be so awful to be so bitter...

Also, for the love of everything!!

Tag your stuff as atheist!! You never know who's day you're gonna end up making just that little bit worse.

Including a mutual!!

[novelmonger]

2-4, 13, 16, and 24 for any fandoms, please?

2. a headcanon you weren't sure about at first but have come to like!

I used to get kind of annoyed when FMA fans would talk about Roy Mustang being Xingese. Like, what, just because Arakawa-san drew his eyes a little pointier than other characters', that means he's from Xing? Some people just have smaller eyes, you know! Yoki looks more Xingese than Mustang, if you ask me, yet nobody talks about him being from Xing!

But I've read some really interesting fics that explore what it would mean if he was Xingese, or half-Xingese. The implications of one or both of his parents being Xingese immigrants, legal or otherwise, can be really fun to poke at.

3. a character that fandom has helped you appreciate

You know, if I'm being really honest, I never particularly cared about Merry from LotR that much. He just didn't interest me, compared to all the other characters. But I have to say that hanging around the Fig Tree Discord server has given me new appreciation for him, because of how much they talk about him in such glowing terms XD He's still probably my least-favorite of the four main Hobbits, but I have to acknowledge that he is one practical dude who can Get Stuff Done, and there's so much courage and angst and hurt/comfort in his scenes in the Battle of Pelennor Fields and the aftermath.

4. say something nice about a ship you don't ship (it can be another ship in your fandom, a mutual's OTP, etc)

Mmkay, so I don't ship Bucky and Natasha (mostly because I don't ship Bucky with anyone post-Winter Soldier), but I will say I can understand the appeal. Two ex-assassins who were turned into living weapons, basically, had their bodies modified against their will, carry a huge weight of guilt for the things they've done.... I feel like, if Bucky were to have a successful romantic relationship with anyone, it would pretty much have to be Natasha. She's the only one who could relate to him on that deep of a level, and she would understand his need to go slowly, know how to help him with PTSD, etc.

13. your favorite type of fandom event (gift exchange, ship week, secret santa, prompt meme, etc)

I think I'd have to say prompt challenges, considering I've done three 100 Themes fics, have an ongoing one-sentence prompt challenge fic, and am currently doing my Let Me Count the Ways dialogue prompt challenge. A really good challenge will have words or phrases that immediately suggest a story, but aren't so specific that you have no wiggle room to fit it to various characters.

16. a tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate

This keyboard thing from Andor episode 7 is made from a steno machine! The little typewriter-ish device court reporters use when transcribing court proceedings! I would recognize it anywhere, and I just want everyone to appreciate the origin of this cool-looking prop.

24. how has fandom positively impacted your life?

The most important thing fandom has given me is virtually all the friends I have today. I've met some of the most wonderful people in the world through fandom, people I probably would never have met because of where they live (@dairogo I'm looking at you), because we wouldn't have much in common without fandom (hi @rainintheevening), or simply because we're enough apart in age and space that our paths would probably not have crossed otherwise (<3 @sergeanttomycaptain). I love being able to connect with so many different people through fandom, like most (if not all) of my mutuals here. Even though we have different perspectives on some things, we can all come together when it comes to love of a great story.

Love Your Fandom asks

[niaevum]

SHIPPING INFO.

answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

What’s your OTP for your Muse(s)?

Well, considering I am writing an OC, all ships are my OTPs and I hold them dear to my heart. I love all the ships that I am making on the blog.

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

Well, pretty much everything, excepting things like non-con, incest, underage stuff and anything that goes along these lines. Other than that, fluff, angst, smut, cute things, the ugly aspects of a relationship, bring them on the table. I am always keep on exploring these themes and the impact that they have on the characters, how it makes them feel, how it helps them evolved ( if at all ), how they handle it. Just gib it to me.

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

Considering my muse is an adult, anything that is underage. So if your muse is a minor than it would make me feel very uncomfortable and it's a big no-no from me.

Are you selective when shipping?

I... guess? sjcnb well, i am selective in terms of wanting to have at least talked to you out of character. For me, it works so much better if there is some sort of interaction out of character and I know I can come pester you with ideas / memes / stuff. However if there is chemistry and vibe between the muses, even if we're not interacting much outside tumblr, then sure, why not? Other than that, if we're mutuals, we talked / memed / have a good vibe together, my inbox / ims / discord is open for you. We can explore the dynamics even if we have little to no interaction in character. If it works, then cool cool, if not, it is what it is.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

Good question actually, because I never thought about this. For now let's say that it goes after the clothes are off. I will be tagging it maybe earlier just to make sure maybe?

Who are other muses you ship your muse with?

As long as you want to ship with me, then you.

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

Yes, please! That way it's way more easier and we don't have to wonder ' do we ship our muses, is it just me ' jsdcndsj plus, discussing it makes it more fun, we can explore their dynamics, see what works and whatnot, you know?

How often do you like to ship?

I'll be honest here--I love shipping. I love developing new bonds with other characters, seeing how that makes my own muse evolve or why not, get worse, the impact is has, the trust they put in each other or not. Creating these connections makes it so much more fun and it's just chef's kiss because each character is unique and the impact they have will be different.

Are you multiship?

Yep! For me it's a little bit limiting if I would set the blog to single-ship, because I wouldn't be able to explore all the types of connections freely, you feel?

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

Well, ship invested I guess? dkjvnkd i love shipping like i said and i get really invested in my ships; i will send you memes, random stuff for the inbox, things in dms that remind me of our muses, kind of invested. my only requirement would be to be invested and show some mutual interest? having things we decided mutually be only one-sided isn't very great as a feeling so if we ship together, know that i will be really invested in the ship. all i ask is just genuine interest, you don't have to send me 38579583 things a day, just to have the same level of interest.

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

Whatever ship I make here is my favorite. I'll hold them forever in my heart.

Finally, how does one ship with you?

Just ask me! I'm a chicken so I might not ask you or ask and never mention it again, but just asking is what gets a ship started with me. If we spoke before in some form ooc, than the chances that I will say yes are high. Let's explore the dynamics and potential that our muses have together, that's what makes it fun.

[shitsncraps]

Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)

Okay i'm not going to send this to my mutuals because i dont like chain mail and I haven't participated in chain mail in all my time on the internet, but i will answer because i am conceited and vain. I will tag people though.

Number 1, I sing good. Maybe not the best but I'm always happy when i sing and that means i sing good

Number 2. Talking to myself. I am an entertaining solo conversationalist because i have spent the past decade speaking primarily to myself. I can be a bit of a bitch to myself sometimes but everybody makes mistakes

Number 3. i can explain anything. It wont be believable and it wont be true but even if I am saying "how can you even-" "how does someone-" "i cannot fathom" Its All Lies. In my head, secretly, i am fathoming it, i just dont want to write it down

number 4. I am not plainly disliked by anyone in real life. On here? Sure there are folks who may have a bad impression of me because i got into an argument in the comments of a post over something or other, but they dont know me. I have had no one outright state their dislike of me to my face and that either makes them cowards or me the most lovely man in the world

number 5. this list is not in order of most to least or least to most liked, because if it were, this would be number 1. My looks. No matter what changes, i look good. i am a very good looking person and when i look in the mirror I go WOAH who's THAT tall glass of water like some sort of homosexual bird [of the kind that doesnt recognize its own reflection] I have looked good, i look good, and i will continue to look good for the rest of my days

for my next nominees, I choose

@rumble-ratcarnal

@melissadiamond

@lumpyflakycum

@lordoftablecloths

@neoneone0

@gravesoilbreath

@dearambellinna

@bigasspants

im gonna be honest i have more mutuals than that i just got shy

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

slides into your inbox

hi i uh. drank a sinister potion (dr. pepper) on the way to school this morning and the problem with perfection filled my head for the fiftieth time so. i'm here now. soooo uh, warning for a very crazy caffeine induced audhd rant. 👍

i just like.... kinda wanna let u know how much this fic means to me. like fr. like seriously. it means a lot to me. we've been mutuals for a while so i feel like now's def a good time (and a long time coming lmao)

iirc i found ur fic when i was in the danganronpa trenches in like, 2021/2022 i think? it was summer and i had nothing better to do with my free time and i was super bored and ishimondo was my personality and i found it while going thru ao3 and was like "yeah. this sounds cool"

and i did NOT know what i was getting into let me tell you. adored the writing really fast. ur skill level actually blew me the fuck away like. instantly. all the characters were incredibly in character, everything was so detailed and i LOVED the fact that you made your writing very emotion driven. like you wrote a lot with like, exaggerated punctuation and pauses and spaces and stuff that i rarely ever see but i feel like your writing was like, so much better for that??? its something i've started to use in my writing because it just draws you in so much and just. puts you into their shoes almost instantly. like it sounds like you're in their head. like i think like that (got that narrator brain in me) and it was just so cool to see someone write like that. got a lot of good moments

and i honest to god binged that fic because it had me by a chokehold. like i'm talking i barely got sleep because i was so excited to read the next chapter the next day that my body would wake me up earlier. and i'd pull it out and binge the next chapter. and when i got to a point where the chapters where still being updated, i remember checking like. every sunday night or so every week to see if it got updated. so many cliffhangers that i was not normal about..........

and i recommended it to EVERYONE i knew that was into danganronpa. like i did not care if they usually read fanfiction or not i would sit there and go on infodump rants about this gay fanfiction i found on the gay fanfiction site and ik i confused them but like. that was how good it was to me. felt like it was a real book. and not only that i honest to god felt like i was reading about me.

like the way you wrote taka meant and continues to mean so much to me to this fucking day because i rarely ever see characters that are like me, at least in an honest to god way. and i was already connected to taka and loved him but i think you made him feel like an extension of me in a way and it just like. idk. it spoke to me man. ik i sound dramatic but it did.

like an autistic queer kid with a strict parent being thrown into so many situations where you just automatically assume everyone else is watching you, judging you, based on past trauma and experiences and just. at the same time so emotional and passionate and just genuine for lack of a better term. and the panic attacks that were written i actually almost had some during reading it because i felt it. that felt like me honest to god (not a bad thing btw!!! i am ok!! but that's a compliment because that's how accurate it was!!)

and during a time where i was dating people who just. idk its hard to explain. i knew they cared about me but there were so many times where there were disconnects. sexuality and gender (gender's not really a part of the story ik but yk what i mean) was a big one. and i felt how he would feel when mondo wasn't exactly the best when it came to his behaviors and expressions of love.

and now i'm with someone who is like. mondo at all his best moments. and even when he matches mondo's lower ones it feels like, there's more times where we can do what they did in the fic and work through it. be there for each other because even if we're both fucked up yk we can like. work through it. and that's so cool honestly?? its not transactional, it means something. i've felt both sides and it's so. crazy to me. it's just wild.

and while i didn't read a lot of it (mental health was NOT in a space where i could i'm gonna be so real) the other installment, the one where mondo comes over to taka's house and they gotta hide and stuff? i've felt that. god i've felt that. my current boyfriend (also a trans man) and i have had so many times where we've had to act as "friends" and hide our romantic gestures and being so deathly afraid of getting caught yk?

idk this fic made me feel seen, and i wonder if there's like... anyone else that feels that way. idk i feel like their definitely is. and i just kinda wanna like. thank you for writing something that just. made me feel heard in a time when i really really needed it. even if we didn't know each other it felt so wild to have a stranger sit there and give me and indirect hug and let me know that i am not the only guy struggling out there with this stuff. it's changed the way i view myself and how i view the world and it's so cool to me that even fanfiction of all things can do that. that's nuts man. you did that and i really wanna emphasize that you should be proud of that. that's so cool. you're writing is so fucking cool man.

and also another thing i. love. that you also wrote about sex being a form of like. expressing love for some people. i am demisexual so like. seeing a character that seemed to also exhibit that and really only feel and have that strong attraction to someone they love romantically and have a connection with, and do it to let the other person know they love them. it's like. that's cool. that's so cool. i'm shaking you that's so cool /pos

and while i'm not fixated on dr right now (as you can. probably tell. (btw obligatory "watch lego monkie kid but also you do not have to i just wanna let you know its cool" plug because of Tha Autism(tm)), and while my comic i was going to make is on a very long hiatus bc adhd is beating the shit out of me, i really want you to know how much i appreciate this fic and how much it just. lives in my brain. how much it makes me emotional to this day because it spoke to me; some random dude who was just getting out of high school who fucking needed that really really bad. and also i want you to know how excited i was when we become mutuals and i'm really really lucky to have someone so cool as my mutual, and you've become even cooler in my brain now that we're kinda yk. in a vaguely similar circle.

anyways i appreciate you so much!!!! and even if we're in different fandoms and stuff, and even if tpwp is also not being continued/on a hiatus i still appreciate what you did with it, and what you do now. don't understand all the fandoms you post but i got that respect for it. i'm in the corner with pom poms cheering u on.

so um. yeah! that was long. but i'm hyped up on caffeine and neurodivergent so ujhm. yea. hopefully this made sense lmao

~ your very much not normal mutual tyler 👍

Okay, sorry for the late response, I saw this when I got up this morning and needed the day to figure how to respond because this was. So much (in a good way I promise!!!!)

So, first of all, THANK YOU FOR THIS!! It's easy as a fic writer to feel discouraged with your writing, or to feel like you're not as "good" as other people, and it's things like this that remind me that whether or not I'm a "good writer," what I write does matter to people. And that's just... really special to me, so thank you for writing this all. It means so much to me.

I'm glad you like the dramatic pauses and the way I write, though! When I was younger, I always tried to limit doing that sort of thing, since I knew it wasn't considered "good" or "proper" writing. But with TPWP I just... decided to let myself write how I wanted to write and not think too much about it. I wrote TPWP kind of how I think, because I wanted it to feel like it was Taka's thoughts and emotions, even if it wasn't in first person. And I'm really glad that came across!

I've always been really big into psychology and introspection, which is one of the main reasons I write about things like that a lot. I like to get into characters heads and try to figure them out. See what they'd be like if this thing happened, or if this thing hadn't happened, etc. I write about struggles, because I struggled as a kid, but in more quiet ways. I mean, all things considered I had a good life. supportive, loving parents and older brother, good grades, people generally liked me and I never got in trouble. But I was so determined to do well that I psyched myself out. I was terrified of disappointing people and losing what I had, and I crumbled in middle and high school. Luckily I had good parents so I was able to stumble through it, but it always left me feeling isolated, since I could never articulate why I felt so off inside. It wasn't until I took an "abnormal psych" class in college that I even realized I had intense anxiety.

All of this to say that I'm glad I was able to resonate with you through my writing. I could never find the words to articulate myself when I was younger, so I took to writing to try and connect with people, to get a message across. Most of my stories have some form of "moral" or "lesson" that I'm trying to get across, lessons that I had to learn myself growing up. TPWP's was that perfection is impossible and that you have to learn to accept yourself for who you are. Honestly, I put the most of myself into Taka, since while I never had a distant parental figure who wanted me to be absolutely perfect, I was kinda that figure to myself. I wanted so badly to be "perfect" and "the favorite" and when I wasn't, I freaked out. I shut down and couldn't even explain to my parents why. So, with TPWP, I wanted to let other people know that it's okay to just... be you.

I don't know if any of this is making any sense, sorry. I had a long day at work and my head is a bit jumbled. Mostly just... thanks for writing this. Things have been tough lately between school and work, and it's nice to be reminded that my stories do matter to people. I never wanted to be a professional writer, but I did always want to write something that made someone, somewhere, feel something. Hopefully something good, something cathartic.

Oh, and as for the sex thing... that was honestly unintended, ha. But I'm Ace, so to me, that's what sex is. Or what it should be. A way to connect emotionally with your partner above all else. Honestly, the only reason I wrote sex into TPWP was to explore the way it would interact with their friendship, not to be like... sexual, ha. Glad you liked how I wrote it!

Anyway, thanks again for writing this!! And I'm glad we're mutuals too! Yeah, I am part of some interesting fandoms on my main blog, but I'm glad it's not too off-putting, ha. I'll try and check out that show some day, though! I don't have a lot of emotional energy to get into a new show at the moment (as I'm sure some people can understand, since starting a new fandom can be a lot at times), but maybe once (IF) things calm down for me I'll take a look! I have seen a lot of posts about the monkie kid show, not just from you, so it's something I might check out one of these days. I'm mostly waiting for Our Flag Means Death season 2 to air tomorrow so I can get washed away into Pirate Town for the next month or so, while the episodes release. 😅😅😅

[luminace]

💜⚡️About Me!✨♠️

Hi! 🙃

My name is Samara, Sami, Acë. My real name is pronounced Samara; repeat after me ‘Some - air - uhh’ that’s the honest to goodness pronunciation of my name. I am biracial; my heritage is all over the place, my Moms fam is from the Turks and Caicos Islands, England, and Germany. My Dads, family is from England and Ireland and some are even Native American. I am American! 🇺🇸 I do college from home, and am contemplating starting a gaming channel on the side. Full disclosure, I am a believer in Jesus; please don’t associate me with the common perception of Christians, they honestly make me embarrassed of my faith. 🤦🏽‍♀️ I’m a normal human being, who loves and respects all other normal human beings of all different identities, I think you’re all uniquely beautiful and believe that you all deserve the right to live happily, and boldly, as your precious selves and not be shamed for it. Just know, that you’ve always got a safe space with me! My passion is gaming, but knowing what I know now, having certain connections to people around a certain gaming pro league, I cannot follow a that dream because of the treatment of women in its community. It’s considered a danger even to those who work in the scene. So instead I’m just trying to survive, and slowly build up my way to screen writing!

I have a very unique way of writing fanfiction, you’ll see what I mean in later posts, but until then just know, that it won’t be everyone’s cup of tea but, that’s alright! My first few posts, are not canon to my own story, but I thought it would be a unique way of introducing my OCs.

On this blog, I pretty much plan to post theories, head cannons, random game details and write fanfiction (Series I like x my universe & Y/N x Character); mostly of Call of Duty, but these are all the fanbases I’m a part of.:

I’m Most Active With:

Call of Duty

Hazbin Hotel

Disney’s Haunted Mansion

Stranger Things

I’m Least Active With:

Fallout

Helluva Boss

Apex Legends

Harry Potter & Hogwarts Legacy

Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon & XDefiant

Halo

Disney’s Gravity Falls

Doki Doki Literature Club

Five Nights Freddy’s

My Hero Academia

Anything Marvel Comics

DC Comics Titans

I draw, but the most I enjoy of it, is seeing the finished sketch of the character… It’s certainly not a passion of mine, but if I make something good enough I may post it. I don’t do NSFW content.

Lastly my few rules for this blog:

Be respectful, to all people.

No politics, this is meant to be a safe space, don’t bring distressing topics into it.

If you bring drama, you will be hastily deleted. I’m not one to block people for no reason, so if you get a comment deleted (for example, for dragging another creator through the mud) and proceed to expand said drama, to include me because of it, you will live in my blocked section. Sorry, not sorry. This last bit isn’t about my blog, but rather what you DM to it. — Funny story, as cool as I personally think my name sounds, it serves a purpose. My identity as an asexual female, was directly disrespected by the very first DM I got on this app, of a certain user trying to talk me up on certain… things. I’d just like to politely ask that you don’t DM me unless we’ve grown a mutual respect as friends, even then a certain standard still applies. The rules above, as well as no s*xual themes please. These are my boundaries for interaction on my blog; take them or leave them. 💜💜

[rockitmans]

Blaine Anderson Vs. Valentine's Day (4/14)

Summary: Blaine drunk posts on his Instagram asking for a date for Valentine's Day. He gets one.

Notes: Written for the @klaineccfanficlibrary Valentine Challenge. Today's song is I'll Never Not Love You by Michael Bublé

Be sure to also check out the collection on AO3 and Stick Season by @blurglesmurfklaine I'm finding it so fun to write as part of a community event. Seeing other people post theirs really keeps me on track. And all the lovely comments of course!

Read on AO3 or below

~~~~~~

He can't just leave it like that. Hi. What was he thinking? He quickly taps out a follow up without letting himself doubt it too hard. 

Blaine: Bold tactic to assume that poem would get my attention and not just end up being deleted

He immediately throws his phone face down on his bed and paces around the room several times, trying to breathe. He can do this. He can talk to other humans. Even ridiculously gorgeous ones that for some reason seem interested in him. 

Barely a minute passes before his phone chimes and he tries to tell himself to be chill and not answer straight away but the anticipation is killing him. He grabs his phone. 

Kurt: And yet here you are. Interesting. 

God. He actually answered. And he's so cool . It's going to take him less than thirty seconds to realise how lame Blaine is. Blaine doesn't have game. He doesn't usually even realise when people are into him. He's fallen into every relationship he's had so far fully because the other person has spelled it out to him. 

This was clearly a mistake. A horny error in judgement. He's half tempted to just delete the app right now and pretend this never happened. The Philippines is nice this time of year.  

But then his phone chimes again and Blaine grins stupidly as he reads the message. 

Kurt: It was a gamble. I'm happy it paid off. 

Blaine: Well. It was helped by the fact that I am very interested in these claims that you can pick me up. 

Kurt: Oh no. That was my roommate's suggestion. She's going to be insufferable now. 

Blaine: Your secret's safe with me

Kurt: Thanks. But she's also much cooler than me if I'm being honest. I may prove to be a disappointment. Flirting with strangers on the internet is all fun and games until they actually reply 😅

Blaine blinks. He hadn't thought about it that hard, but if he had, he would have assumed that this was going to turn into sexting, getting off, and then mutually agreeing to never speak of it again. Or at least he assumes that's the way this sort of thing goes. He doesn't really know. 

But maybe that isn't what this is. Interesting.

Blaine: And do you make a habit of flirting with strangers on the internet?

Kurt: I want to be really smooth and be like 'only the cute ones 😉' but fuck it. No I don't usually. I'm like an honest to God Broadway romantic. I need at least dinner before I can consider getting my dick out. 

Kurt: And I realise a simple no would have sufficed 

Blaine huffs out a laugh. Okay. Definitely not sexting then. He's kind of relieved. It would have just been a way to let off steam after the emotional bomb that was Sebastian's betrayal. He hasn't really had time to sort out his feelings about Sebastian yet. Sam's solution to the problem was to get him spectacularly drunk and there's been little time for introspection since then. And that's mostly been on purpose.

He knows if he starts to think about it, it will bring every scrap of his hard earned self worth under a magnifying glass. He'll sort through all his insecurities for the reasons why Sebastian might have cheated and probably invent some new ones just for fun. He doesn't want to be terrified to love again. He doesn't want to lose his ability to love quickly and generously and all in. He doesn't want this to break him. 

And right now that means chatting to a cute guy that doesn't want to just get off with him. And regardless of anything else, it will be a funny story to tell Tina later. 

Blaine: Ah yes that well known Broadway hit, "Dinner for dick." We all know it

Kurt: Say what you like about Barrett Wilbert Weed but she smashed that one

Kurt: Listen you don't have to keep talking to me. I understand my mouth was putting out checks that my ass can't cash. Literally. 

Blaine: I want to keep talking to you. A gorgeous guy that's into Broadway and fashion? Maybe that wish journal I kept when I was thirteen really did have magical powers after all

Blaine: Although I'm still not a superhero so perhaps not 

Kurt: I never had a wish journal but I did have a hope chest. I cut up magazine pictures to compile my perfect man and it obviously looked outlandish and not like you at all

Kurt: But I am pretty sure I made my perfect man a musician 

Blaine: Well thank God I have that going for me at least

Kurt: You have a lot more going for you than that

Blaine: And I thought you said you didn't flirt with strangers on the internet 😉

Kurt: You're right

Blaine gets a jolt in his stomach, terrified that Kurt is about to promise to cut out the flirting or even stop talking to him all together. But then the next message comes through.

Kurt: Maybe we should become not-strangers so I can flirt with you without fear 

Blaine bites his lip against a smile, feeling the flush creep all the way to his ears. Who even is this guy?

Hopefully he's going to find out. 

Blaine: Sounds perfect 

[quaissants]

A POEM CALLED YOU.  ›  JEONG YUNHO  ݃  GN! READER

concept. with the moon as your witness, you lay out your hearts to one another, slightly blurring the lines that separate the two of you.

genre. fluff .. a hint of angst .. manager x hotel owner .. ft. ateez’s lua (atolua) .. unknown mutual pining.

duration. one thousand four hundred (1,400).

cw. unwanted lovesickness .. mention of death & the afterlife .. self-doubt .. haunted jokes.

tfw. welcome to the first track of the album! i honestly love this one sm which is why i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i loved writing it ❤️

THE SERENITY OF THE EVENING'S DISRUPTED, COURTESY OF A FRANTIC MANAGER BURSTING THROUGH THE ROOFTOP'S ENTRANCE.

hunched over from running through every corridor of the hotel, yunho finally regains the gallons of breath that he lost along the way. he stays like that for at least five minutes before straightening himself up. after flattening the creases in his suit and brushing his ruffled tresses away from his eyes, he almost looks presentable.

the issue is that his flushed cheeks won't cool down. correction: the heat can't subside—not when you're standing there, back resting against the ebony guardrail. he wants to know that you didn't see his little.. spectacle, but judging from the amused smirk painted on your lips, that's too good to be true.

“o-oh, boss..” he clears his throat and smiles, albeit a little awkwardly. “it's a beautiful night, isn't it? really takes your breath away-”

“hiding from kang yejin of room 1117, manager jeong?”

he opens his mouth and tries to come up with a lie, but eventually gives up with an embarrassed nod. one would think that after working in this establishment for almost a year now, he'd be used to seeing ghosts with.. unique looks, and he actually is indifferent to it now. it's just that this guest in particular has done two things:

caught a case of severe infatuation for him

follows him everywhere then acts coy when he catches her

yuehua has already advised him to reject the girl, but there's something about possibly angering a phantom that scares him. or maybe he's watched one too many horror movies where such a scenario occurs. either way, outrunning her seems like his only option at this point.

unaware of the inner monologue going on in his head, you call his name. when he doesn't reply, you repeat yourself. sighing, you walk up to the distracted male and cup his face in your hands, effectively bringing him back to his senses.

now the coolers in yunho's cheeks have malfunctioned. he stammers to ask, “boss, what, uh.. what are you doing?”

“getting your head out of the clouds.” you reply before putting your hands back down to your sides.

you walk back to your place, standing at the forefront of the balcony, while yunho tries to shuffle back. there might be a lovesick ghost waiting for him once he goes back to the main floor of the establishment, but that's much easier to face than your wrath if he sticks around much longer and ruins your alone time—

“stop.” he immediately follows your demand, confused yet aware that it's wise to not question it. “you can stay, no need to leave so soon.”

“but.. boss, are you sure?”

“i wouldn't tell you if i wasn't.”

he purses his lips, unsure of how to answer. instead, he chooses to walk over and occupy the space on your left. he braces his forearms upon the metal bar and looks ahead of him.

now that he's got the opportunity to look at the scenery, he knows that what he said earlier is true. it really is a beautiful night, but he can think of something someone else that easily overshadows it. if he had an ounce of courage, he'd tell you that.. but he doesn't know where to find it, so he awkwardly hangs onto the silence.

fortunately, you break the tie for him by asking, “do you like working here?” and quickly add, “be honest, i won't bite.”

“apart from a few things, i am enjoying my role as the manager. thanks to this job, i found friends, learned a few lessons, and my boss does pay pretty well.”

you nod, then laugh at the last incentive. after the establishment was handed over to you, it took a while before you could give your human employees their deserved salaries. it would have been done sooner, had your predecessor not slacked on paying taxes and other bills. but as your dear friend once said: sooner or later is better than never.

“that's good, i'm glad to hear that..” you trail off towards the end, a thoughtful look shadowing your face.

yunho looks at you with a slight tilt of his head. “what's going on, boss?”

“it's nothing, no need to fret.”

“come on, boss. you let me speak truthfully without judgment, i'll do the same for you.”

his works are like a key, one that unlocks the box that holds all of your deepest thoughts. and with this newfound freedom, they come rushing off your tongue like a waterfall.

“i'm scared that i haven't done enough for this hotel, for everyone. i know it's running smoothly right now, that's all thanks to you and the rest of the staff, but what if it suddenly doesn't? what if the day something goes wrong is the day i can't be there to fix it because-”

even though you cut your words off, yunho knows what you're about to say. after all, a solution to that situation was supplied in his contract. and it reminds him that you're a lost soul too, waiting for the grim reaper to come guide you to the afterlife.

the courage that yunho was looking for earlier finally kicks in, leading him to take your hands and gently turn your body towards him. he puts on a smile, one filled with sincerity and admiration, and lays out his heart for you to hear.

“everything you've done, and will do because we both know you have more plans up your sleeve, it's more than enough. sure, the staff does loads of work to keep this hotel running, but so have you. your determination, creativity, and kindness act like a beacon that leads souls to this place where they can stay and rest while tying up loose ends.”

after hearing all of that, a tear falls from your eye. you go to wipe it away but his hand is already there, the pad of his thumb lightly caressing your cheek as he does so.

“and know that no matter who may come next, you will always be remembered as one of the best owners that this establishment has had the fortune of having.”

“dummy, you can't say that.”

yunho's face shifts slightly into a frown. “why not?”

“there's only been one person before me so it doesn't count.”

“well then, you're the best owner that hotel del amanecer has had the fortune and pleasure of having.”

“now you're just asking to be haunted-”

the two of you dissolve into a puddle of laughter, smiles as wide as the crescent moon shining upon you at that moment. when you finally calm down from the serotonin, you do something that the young manager never expected, not even in any lifetime: you kiss his cheek.

it's bad enough that he barely got his blush under control, now he's fighting (and clearly losing) to keep his whole face from darkening into a scarlet hue. his mind and heart are trying to work together to get him to say something—do something—but they come up empty-handed. so now he's looking like a realistic statue that should be in the lobby, not on the rooftop with you, his boss who clearly doesn't know the effect you have on him.

“come on, let's go downstairs and grab a drink. i'm sure yuehua has got two vacant seats with our names on them.” you phrase it like a demand, but it's actually an invitation.

this time, he knows how to answer it. “lead the way, boss.”

“y/n. just call me y/n, manager jeong.”

“well in that case, call me yunho.”

and throughout the whole walk to the bar, he doesn't call you out for still holding his hand. nor does anyone else who notices it, not even kang yejin of room 1117, who realizes that she's fighting a losing game. it isn't the ideal way to let anyone down, let alone a lovestruck ghost who can probably haunt him, but que sera sera—whatever happens, happens.

just like one day, you'll move on. and after some time, he might too. but for now, he likes the feeling of being by your side, red cheeks and all. it'll make a nice memory that he can look back on during those days you come to mind.

perhaps, if fate will allow it, you'll come back to him too.

𓆩♡𓆪  ─┈  taglist.  @jiungschoi (here’s to more years with qunho / yunnii 🥂) @stealanity​ — send an ask to be added !