#am i still gonna smash the shit out of her? hell yeah

[whos-hotter-jjba]

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Angel Dust: “D’ya ever get a weird feelin’ about this place?”

Husk: “Yeah. Sweet an sickening. Like fucking syrup.”

Angel Dust: “NEVER fuck usin’ syrup UGH.”

Niffty: “I think the floor right under the second story banister railings feels weirdest! Almost bouncy when you SMASH into it!”

Angel Dust: “Not what I meant, NFT. It’s more like-”

SOMETHING: (blurs past the open door behind them)

Door: (...crreeeeks softly on it’s hinges...)

Them: (turns and stare)

Angel Dust: “…it’s like, a cold draft, innit?”

Husk: (spooked) (fur fluffed) “Cheap as fuck place. Run down.”

Niffty: “Prime roach real estate!”

Angel Dust: “Unsettlin’. The word I’m lookin’ for is, unsettlin’.”

EYES: (blink open and glow in the shadowy corner above them.)

Angel Dust: “Creepy, even.”

EYES: (rotate 360 degrees) (still staring)

Angel Dust: “I dunno. Don’t ya just get the shivers sometimes in here? Brr.” (shudders)

Husk: “Guess the eternal pep can be kinda fucked up from the owner. No one in hell is really that fucking happy all the fucking time.”

Niffty: “I AM!!!”

Husk: “No one who’s not fucking Niffty is that happy in hell.”

Niffty: “I LOVE it here. You only got to die ONCE back in the living world.”

Angel Dust: “Once should be enough for anyone, Niffters.”

Niffty: (giggling) “Not for me! Not when it's comes to eating spiders.”

Husk: “Oh FUCK that-”

Niffty: “Think the thing watching us right now also eats spiders?”

Husk: “…”

Angel Dust: “…”

EYES: (blink) (vanish)

The Three of Them: (turn and stare)

Angel Dust: “….Husker? Any room in ya bed for guy who doesn’t wanna be alone tonight?”

Husk: “Fuck no. Anyone tries getting in my room tonight is being served a motherfucking Molotov cocktail on the house.”

Angel Dust: “I can make it worth ya while. Tire us both out so’s maybe we can get some actual sleep.”

Husk: “You think I’m gonna fucking sleep?”

Niffty: “Sometimes I eat the spiders in my sleep…”

Husk: “Niffty, I need you fucking shut up talking in that creepy little girl voice.”

Niffty: “Okay! But whyyyy~?”

Husk: “THAT’S fucking WHY.”

Angel Dust: “-shh! SHH SHHHH! D’ya hear that!?”

Husk: “Wh- don’t fucking touch me-”

Angel Dust: (strangling him a little with holding) “Husk holy shit!”

Husk: (claws out) (super floofed) “What? WHAT??”

Niffty: “Ohhh…..”

Angel Dust: “It’s COMIN’!”

Niffty: “Nooo it’s naaaw-auuuught~”

Husk: “WELL WHICH THE FUCK IS IT-!?”

Niffty: “It’s Here~”

SOMETHING: (drops in from the open window)

Them: (SCREAM)

Vaggie: “Have you guys seen- Stop screaming it’s just me- have any of you seen Charlie around?”

Husk: “FUCK! FUCK!!!”

Angel Dust: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, MISS I CUNT USE THE FREAKING DOORS!”

Husk: “FUUUCK ME FUCK YOU FUCK ALL OF THIS-”

Niffty: “Aww.” (slumps) “Hi Vaggie….”

Vaggie: “Yeah hey… What’s got into you all?”

Angel Dust: “Into US? YoU-”

Niffty: “We’ve been terrified. It’s been fun!”

Husk: “YOUR FUCKING SHIT HOTEL IS FUCKING HAUNTED! Shit!”

Angel Dust: “You and ya rich girlfriend have hell’s worst unpaying guest creepin’ around, and ya wonder what’s up with US?!?!”

Vaggie: “Oh. So you have seen her.”

Niffty: “Ohhh…! It’s a her!”

Angel Dust: “HER WHO WHO HER YOU KNOW THE WHORE OF HAUNTING?”

Vaggie: “Sure. And don’t fucking call her that.”

Husk: “I don’t wanna fucking know I don’t wanna fucking know I don’t wanna I don’t wanna no no no fuck NO-”

Vaggie: (rolls eye)

Vaggie: “Sweetie? Can you stop with the friendship notes and come out now?”

Something: (from shadows) “I’m bi!”

Vaggie: (smiles) “Out in the open where they can see you, babe.”

Charlie: “Aww, Vaggieeee…” (slips out of shadows with notebook and pout) “You’re messing with the sterile observed conditions and data collection. They were bonding!”

Angel Dust: “TOOTS!?”

Husk: “Oh.. fuck… you.”

Vaggie: “They sure were clinging to each other at least.”

Husk: “Fuck you MORE I fucking wasn’t.”

Angel Dust: “TOOTS I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE!”

Vaggie: “Weren’t stopping him from climbing you like a tree though, were you?”

Charlie: “Sorry about that, Angel Dust. I just got so excited-”

Husk: “Get. Fucked.”

Vaggie: “My girlfriend takes care of that already thanks.”

Angel Dust: “EXCITED? To be stalkin’ a guy like he’s a freaking gazelle on a shitty nature doc that skips all the fucking an’ only shows the non-sexy rippin’ an tearin’ an eatin’ alive bits!?”

Charlie: “Well-”

Niffty: “Hi Charlie! Were you watching us like bugs in a bug trap? Right before they get SQUISHED?”

Charlie: “-um no. No I wasn’t-”

Niffty: “Awww why nooooooooot?”

Charlie: “I wasn’t... trying to?”

Husk: “Oh that’s not fucking terrifying to fucking hear.”

Angel Dust: “TRY HARDER NOT TO NEXT TIME! Ugh! I’m too shaky to even make a hardness pun- AND I think this gave me STRESS WRINKLES. I WORK WITH THIS FACE! Among other body parts- I cannot fucking AFFORD wrinkles, Charmeleon!”

Charlie: “Aw guys I’m sorry! I just saw you three chatting together and.” (waves notebook) “Y’know?”

Vaggie: “I know, babe.”

Angel Dust: “NO!?”

Husk: “Fuck. No.”

Niffty: “Nope! I would’ve gone STRAIGHT into hunt and kill mode!”

Husk: “Which is what it fucking FELT like you fucking did.”

Charlie: “Ooookay then, my bad. But! You all feel better now you know it was just me, right?”

Them: “….”

Charlie: “B- because you know I’d never actually hunt any of your through the halls of my hotel. Right?”

Them: “……”

Charlie: “…you, you guys know you’re safe here and I didn’t bring you here for some fucked up creepy personal murder torture reason… right…?”

Them: “……….”

Niffty: (raises hand) “I-”

Charlie: “NIFFTY THANK YOU!! See? She believes-”

Niffty: “I felt really GREAT thinking you were hunting me for sport! Can I go back to thinking that?”

Charlie: “-that, you, oh. No that’s-” (droops) “…sure … whatever makes you happy, Niffty.”

Niffty: “YAY FEAR!” (hugs Charlie’s knees) (skitters away)

Angel Dust: “Oh yippie. Getting’ high off my ass and blackin’ all this out from my memory will make ME happy.” (flounces off) “Sweet dreams, toots! I sure as hell won’t be havin’ ‘em!”

Charlie: “I’m sor-”

Husk: “Anyone fucking needs me, don’t.”

Charlie: “Husk, I really-”

Husk: (already gone)  

Charlie: “….”

Charlie: “….. fuck.”

Vaggie: “It’ll be fine.” (pats Charlie gently) “Don’t freak out about it. They’re just, shook up.”

Charlie: (tired) “Except Niffty.”

Vaggie: “Niffty’s uhhh, she seems like the exception to most things yeah.”

Charlie: “She likes being scared of me.”

Vaggie: “Well. Thrilled? By you? I mean she gets her kicks out of it, so…”

Charlie: “I don’t like being scary.”

Vaggie: “You’re not.”

Charlie: “I scared them.”

Vaggie: “Startled and creeped out a little. It’s not the same thing.”

Charlie: “Isn’t it? I’m- I hate that I'm-”

Vaggie: “No.”

Charlie: “Vaggie.”

Vaggie: “You. Are. Not.”

Charlie: “But-”

Vaggie: (takes hand) “You’re a lot of things, Charlie Morningstar. Sometimes you’re a lot of those lot of things- which I love-”

Charlie: “Heh.”

Vaggie: “But being scary just by existing? Isn’t one of them. You can be you, all the way, the whole demon princess Charlie package- and not scare anyone. I promise."

Charlie: "Tell that to my ex..."

Vaggie: "I'll carve it into his stupid fucking skull- kidding! I'm kidding."

Charlie: "I'd believe that more if you hadn't already tried."

Vaggie: "Well believe me NOW when I'm trying to say- You can get scary when someone you love is hurt or threatened, sure. That's, not a bad thing. There's nothing about you that you need to hide to have people in your life. Living with you, every part of you, is great."

Charlie: "....."

Vaggie: "Charlie c'mon- I should know. If we’re talking observed data and stuff, I’ve already got three years of it. Right?”     

Charlie: “…right.” (weak smile) “I did it again though, didn’t I?”

Vaggie: “What, the intensely following around someone you’ve invited into your home trying to figure out how to make them feel more comfortable without bothering them or spooking them, working hard not to let them see how you spend hours just staring at them, taking in every little detail you can, but staring so hard they can feel it on the back of their neck anyway?”

Charlie: “And you’re sure that’s not scary. Like at all.”

Vaggie: “I always thought is was cute. Intense and a kinda worrying sign of how alone you’d been, sure, but cute.”

Charlie: “Hmph.”

Vaggie: (leans up to smooch her) “And our hazbins will too. Just give ‘em time.”

Charlie: “Our hazbins?” (grins) “Our? Oh now THAT’S cute.” (opens book and scribbles note) “Today… Vaggie.. bonded with…”

Vaggie: “I did not.”

Charlie: “…OUR- underline underline add some hearts- hazbins!”

Vaggie: “Charlie I didn’t. I barely even spoke with them.”

Charlie: “You’re comparing them to your past self and making connections between you when we first met and them now, aren’t you. You’re empathizing with them! That’s bonding! That’s ADORABLE!!”  

Vaggie: (sigh) “That’s my cue to drag you off to bed.”

Charlie: “You’re adorable~”

Vaggie: “Says the cute demon lady lovingly stalking her new friends.”

Charlie: “Do you think they’ll be friends with me? I mean I’m friends with them, but-”

Vaggie: “Charlie, they’ve met you. It’s inevitable.”

Charlie: “Heheh. Juuuust like this kiss~”

(smooch)

(smooch some more)

Vaggie: “Whoa there!” (chuckling) “Save it for the bed sweetie, or we’ll never get there.”

Charlie: (giggling) “Sorry. I’m not used to not having everything all to ourselves. And I suppose making out in the public areas wouldn’t be very polite, even in the middle of the night with no one around.”

Vaggie: “Probably. We’ve freaked them out enough for one day I think.”

Charlie: “There are definite downsides to having a hotel with actual other people living in it, huh….”

Vaggie: “Worth it?”

Charlie: “Mm. I hope so. I hope they’ll think so too.”

Vaggie: “They will, babe. They will.”

-Next Night-

-Alastor’s Radio Tower-

Alastor: (humming and happily prepping the next track for broadcast)

SOMETHING: (slowly rises up beyond the window behind him)

Alastor: (ears twitch) (adjust audio balance knob)  

SOMETHING: (presses against window)

Window: (Distinctive flesh-dragging-across-glass sound)

Alastor: (stops)

SOMETHING: (fades into shadows)

Alastor: (turns)

Window: (has smudge mark on it)

Alastor: “….hmm…” (walks over) (wipes window) (smudge stays bc it’s on the outside) “Interesting...”

Alastor: (goes back to disc jockeying)

SOMETHING: (reaches up and drags finger through smudge mark)

Alastor: (stops and turns)

Alastor: “Ohoho? My my my, now isn’t THIS just droll! Who COULD have left a message here for me. On my own radio tower! Smudging my glass! (smirks and walks over) “Hmm? Something dire and THREATENING no doubt? Not something they will REGRET I am SURE ha ha ha!”

Alastor: (bends down to read) “It appears to say…”

Window: (smudge has the word ‘FRIENDS’ written through it)

Alastor: (snaps back upright) (stares) (steps back) (stares harder)

Alastor: “…how… amusing.”

Alastor: (goes back to control panel)

Alastor: “….”

Alastor: (relaxes) (picks up microphone and holds it casually at the ready)

Alastor: (reaches for a record-)

SOMETHING: (slips past window behind him)

Alastor: (turning) (Shrieking) “KKKKSSSSSSSSFKKKSST” (yeets record out through window)

Window: (shatters)

Vaggie: “….”

Vaggie: “….hope that one wasn’t important, pendejo. It’s on the first floor now. In about a hundred pieces.”

Alastor: (lowering microphone) “Oh my dear I DO apologize!” (simpering) (Glowering) “Poor thing. Not hurt, are you? Not frightened at all I hope? Really I don’t know WHAT would have happened if I had happened to HIT you!”

Vaggie: “Me frightened? No.” (tosses cleaning rag over shoulder) “The scary little smudge is gone anyway, so I’m off. Bye.”

Alastor: “Oh delightful! You KNOW ABOUT-”

Vaggie: (gone)

Alastor: “……hmmmmmm….”

Charlie: “….”

Charlie: “She’s so hot when she’s all ‘doesn’t even blink when something almost would've decapitated her if she hadn’t casually leaned back’ isn’t she?”

Alastor: (shriek is broadcast all over Pentagram city, shattering the remaining windows in his radio tower)

[wunjotheork]

Cat Got In

Characters: Marcus & Dagmar - Words: ~1100

Third floor. Turn the key. Push the door. Stop mid-step when ears pick some noises. Someone’s inside, puking.

Oh, come on...

It’s her. The chiphead. And wasted? Fuck me. Can’t help but sigh. Tired already. Motivation’s gripping the doormat. Wanna turn around and leave. Clubs are still open. Plenty of choice. Could grab a drink. Pills. Someone.

Wait, no, supposed to lay low.

Fuck it. Step in. Slam door. Lights stay off, don’t need them. Drop the tool bag on the floor, loud. Will clean the blood later. Jacket on the coat rack. Swaps shoes for slippers. Night's fucked, better get comfy.

More vomiting? At least it’s from the bathroom.

Go to roll up shirt’s sleeves. Pause. Take it off altogether. Fold and leave it on a chair in the kitchenette. Finally notice the open window. Girl can’t use a door, heh? At least she didn't smash it this time. Get closer. Take a look. No, fuck her, lock’s busted, gonna need to change it.

Now I’m pissed.

Storm to the bathroom. Reeks of alcohol and bile in here. Flick the lights on to make an entrance. Kinda dumb. Get blinded and groan. But not as much as the mess on the ground.

— The hell you doing here?

Ass on the floor, head on the toilet bowl, the elf is heaving. Can’t see her face, hidden by long platinum hair. The only answer she gives is a raised middle finger. Weighting between throwing her out the door or the window when she starts retching again.

Rush to get her on her knees. Make sure whatever is getting out doesn’t land on the floor. Tiles are a bitch to clean. Pull her soiled hair out of the way. Hands get dirty. Don’t care, they've seen worse tonight already. Can’t let go of the elf or else she falls. No more strength? Wonder how she climbed up here. But girl does look like shit. Her plastic skin's all scratched and busted.

— Drank too much?

Looks obvious, but need to be sure.

— Y-yeah...

— Why?

Pause. Then a weak laugh.

— To forget your ugly ass.

Eh. Classic cunt. Would smile, but something's different. She sounds… She sounds sad?

Crouch next to her. Don’t let go. Force her optics to meet eyes. Finally see her face. Plastic’s busted there too. Even got some blood. Hers. Sight makes the brain go numb. Feel chest filling up with anger. Wait, no. Not anger. Concern?

Shit. Getting soft with her. But hey, can’t hurt to be nicer, right?

— What happened, babe?

Girl presses her lips. Doesn’t want to talk about it. Shame in her eyes. Tries to look away. But hold on her chin is firm. She blinks like mad. Big fat tears still roll down her cheeks. A sob brings out the snot.

Damn.

Hurts to see that. Pull her closer. Sobs get louder. Big arms tight around her thin frame. Girl's crying on what’s closest to a friendly shoulder. Gripping an ork’s t-shirt like her life depends on it. And her claws fucking hurts ! Shouldn’t have given her the idea. But her chrome’s a fucking piece of art. Wanted her to be more perfect.

— Shh. Shh, it’s alright, I’m… here.

Feels strange to say that. Clumsy. Not good with people. Only good at offing them.

— Did… someone hurt you?

— Huh? No?

Gently push her away, hands firm on her shoulder. She lets go to swipe her nose. 

— What then? You look like shit.

— I got drunk, okay? Then I tried to leave but I... I fell down the stairs.

— The stairs? At the club?

A nod. Then more sobbing. Pull her close again. Not before eyes do a roll tho. Can’t fucking believe it. Know exactly which stairs she's talking about. The ones at Sue's, for the private bar. Clubbers got their back to it. But runners… Shit, whole city’s shadows must've seen her. Girl’s rep is in shambles! Not that it was that good anyway. And without one, nobody’s gonna work with her.

Nobody but me.

— I’m never gonna get rid of you, am I?

Get shoved away. Have to let go. Drunk idiot falls on her ass. Optics scream bloody murder. Girl's done crying.

— Fuck you, Marcus!

— Yeah, yeah, fuck you too, Gaby.

Stare at each other, long. Her anger fades. She looks away. Good. Don’t feel like arguing.

— I fucked up. Should have come with you.

Grab a towel and hand it to her.

— Yup.

Asked her. Insisted. Would have made the job easier. Would have kept her reputation intact. Didn’t even mind sharing the money. But the miss decided to go drink instead. Unsupervised.

Fucking dumbass.

Knees protest when getting up. Back pops when standing straight. Will need to lie down soon. Fucking exhausted. Rinse hands. Grab a goblet on the sink, fill it with tap water. Hand it to her. Remember first question.

— So, why were you drinking?

— Because I’m fucking sad and lonely, that's why.

She looks away. Topic’s over. Watch her drink. Still, think her words over. Want to help. But don’t know how. What do people do when sad? What do I do? Blurt out first thing that comes to mind.

— Want me to fuck your brain out?

She chokes. Water lands on tiles. And coughs.

Yeah, shut up Marcus.

— I said lonely, not horny.

Fair. Not in the mood for that anyway. Not my type of girl too. Take the goblet back when she’s done. Flush the toilets. Help her get on her feet. Why she so fucking tall? Have to look up now. She leans in. Forehead against forehead. Plastic’s cold. Her breath stinks. Skinny arms go around broad shoulders. Puts all her weight on me. Bitch. Still, let her. Don’t care being so close. Kinda like it. Notice all the wrinkles on her dress. Hands already pulling at the red fabric to smooth it out. Hear her laugh. She sounds tired.

— Wanna go on the couch?

She nods. Let go of the dress and grab her around the waist. Lift. Her feet barely leave the ground. Fucking giant. Can’t help but smile a little. She's heavier. Girl is putting on some more weight. Good. Can still remember how bony she used to be.

Leave the bathroom. Drop her on the couch. Grab her dress and pull it off her. Thing fucking stinks. Princess complaining about the low temperature. Shouldn't have broken the window. Go to the drawer. Throw her an old ass t-shirt three times too big. Will have to do. Have to help her get her boots off. Feeling like a damn babysitter. Except the baby's probably older than me. But when all is done? Finally lay down. Have to push her a bit. Whole body relaxes. Eyes close immediately. Feel her move to cover us with the old plaid. Nuzzling against me like I’m some kind of pillow.

— Thank you, Marcus.

Her voice’s a whisper. Did she really say that? Can only grunt in return. More tired than expected. Dozing off already. Last thing I feel is a kiss on the cheek.

[anonymousredactedconfessions]

Since this is a safe space, I too have my confessions for the Summit Audio and other plot stuff as well. This is very long so bear with me

*drum roll 🥁🥁🥁🥁*

I am disappointed with Darlin's storyline! :DD

What the hell happened to character development? And can we please keep talking about how it's getting annoying when Darlin just stands there while everyone else just speaks for them? I've been waiting for so long for the moment where we get to see that Darlin' finally stopped hopping on the fight/defensive option immediately without thinking shit through.

Cuz I know damm well they were already planning on giving Alexis the business when they heard her voice. I was waiting on them to be more verbal and civil with their confrontation rather than jumping to "You know I've fought vampires before, right?" Like COME ONNN MAN

I agree with the other recent confessions in this blog cuz yeah, will they ever get the agency they deserve?? And what the hell was up with Porter coming in to "save the day" and Sam zipping back out of know where (btw where the hell have you been bro??). And even when Alexis left, Darlin still wasn't able to get a word in.

Does Darlin notice this too or are we never gonna get that moment where they finally snap and make people remember that they are an adult and can progress their life by making their own decisions. They don't always need someone for that and it takes away from their "independence".

Plus ( as much as I love my cowboy) woulda been more upset to Sam when he not only not listened to Darlin talk as they told him what bullshit she said to them and give them the reassurance they needed in that moment, mf started sayin shit like "she's a real person under there, I know it" because no way in hell would I believe that if the person we're talking about is proud of ASSAULTING a person she "claims to love" and also waited until the Monarchal Summit to confront Darlin where there's tons of people around to confront them like a pissy, jealous school girl.

Also I feel like Darlin and David's relationship hasn't been done well enough. Not even just them and David but just the pack in general. The smash tournaments and Solstice party's are cool but when are we actually gonna have a video where it's just the pack? No mates, Sam included and it's just the four of them? (i.e. David, Ash, Darlin, and Milo)

To me, it makes a lot of sense why Darlin felt out of place cuz they don't get mentioned a lot when they're not around, only when Sam is included in the conversation. It feels like they don't exist without their mate around so it's not fully Darlin's fault that they left and ended up in the wrong crowd.

And it's frustrating to see those chat group posts where it's supposed to be The Packs Mates Groupchat thingy but instead of Sam they put Darlin in. Or Sam is there but so is Darlin. Like huh??? Is Sam a part of the damm pack now???? All the more reason why I get Darlin' almost leaving the pack, they seem as someone who's forgettable.

Erik should at least give Darlin a nickname name or some code shit to address them without just having to say "my pack member" or "my partner", and (my least favorite) "Sam's mate". Just give them the nick name Tank like everyone else so you don't have to worry about addressing them by saying anything vague and unspecific.

Sorry but Darlin feels too much like a character than a listener to be written as someone who just stands there from the sidelines and watches as everyone speaks for them. I NEED them to be making a decision that continues the plot, not someone who made it for them. They deserve better as a character and I will die on that hill. BUT that's just me. Have a good day/night!

-💜🐺

.

[destinygoldenstar]

Disventure Camp Character Impressions *Compilation* (Part 5)

<< Part 4

***

"What the hell was that bullshit in the elimination?!"

OMG THANK YOU

THANK YOU

GRETT CALLS IT OUT. OMG THANK YOU.

I FEEL VALIDATED.

"You mean the way we were exposed?"

...oh.

No I was talking about your choice on voting.

Nope. I'm not validated.

"Golden, that's the thing with us villains. We don't need your permission to slay. We do it anyway."

"What experience can a six year old have?!"

"Well let's see, my parents abandoned me in the woods. Clearly they hate me."

"...I know she's right, but it still hurts to hear."

Oh.

So she's just kinda accepted that she's awful.

"The adults in my life think I'm a demon with no redeeming qualities, so that must be true. Might as well live off that."

Does that imply that Fiore was an accidental pregnancy...?

I mean I'm not a mother, but I know that's something that can happen if you don't, you know, control yourself.

Oh not these two again.

YOU'VE BEEN FIGHTING THE PAST THREE EPISODES. GET OVER IT.

"Hey Tom, I know I said this a dozen times, but I really am sowwy. Can you forgive me?" (Jake)

"Jake I just learned I have cancer. And for some reason I'm gonna say that's your fault. Get out of my life." (Tom)

"You don't have to apologize."

"It's all me. It's always my fault. I'm the one who always has to take the blame for things like this."

"Maybe they're making up."

Up or out?

GOD I JUST SAID I WAS GLAD THEY WERE JUST FRIENDS, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

"For some reason, Golden is whispering in my hear and urging me to kiss the boy."

"Maybe I was wrong to think badly of these young-ins."

"Except Fiore. She's just as bad as I thought."

"What happened to the sky?"

"It's covered in grapes and strawberries, and idk why that is-also why is part of the forest blocked off? Why can't we get out?" (Fiore)

"Fiore I don't think you're supposed to be playing those games." (Alec)

I still headcanon Fiore is a Mortal Combat fangirl.

"Alright gang, grab every weapon in this place you can find and start SMASHING!!!"

"Fiore, I think I know what's happening."

"Don't freak out... but a bear is gonna pop out in a minute and force us to kill each other."

"It's the only explanation. Don't tell anyone."

"Uh, we are right here and in hearing range."

"Did you hear that?!"

"Sounded like gunshots!"

"Don't worry guys! It's just Tom killing a man! It's fine!" (Ellie)

"I KISSSED A SERIAL KILLER?!?!" (Jake)

XD

"I don't care if he's a serial killer! HE'S MY LOVE! WE'RE LETTING HIM IN. WHAT'S THE WORSE THAT COULD HAPPEN?!"

"What's going on?!"

"Ellie why do you have ketchup splashed all over your face?"

"They looked like people, but they're not!"

"I would never kill a man! I swear!!" (Tom)

"What if it was a woman?" (Ellie)

"...shit!!" (Tom)

"I think we... have to... cut off your arm."

NO I WAS JUST JOKING, YOU'RE ACTUALLY GONNA DO IT?!?!?!?!?

"GOLDEN IS OUR OVERLORD AND SHE TOLD ME TO SAVE YOU BY CUTTING OFF YOUR ARM!!!"

"Wow Miriam, how'd you learn to do that?"

"Back in my day, I was secretly a serial killer!"

"Tom! Are you okay?"

"No worries. I got a body count in the double digits now. Cool, huh?"

"You want to ask if I think they're alive? Well I got bad news."

"They're in Mexico right now."

NO GODDAMMIT

FIORE WHYYYYYYYY

“Hey guys! I got another trick I wanna show you. It’s called: ‘BURY YOUR GAYS’”

A six year old is celebrating among her victims.

"WHOO HOOO!!! I KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!"

WHY IS TOM IN THE FAMILY GUY POSE?!?!?!?!?

"See that's my secret Golden. My mask protects me from getting killed, so I'm just faking my death."

"...oh wait I'm not wearing my mask anymore. SHIT-"

"Oh my gosh, my arm! I have my arm!"

"Oh my gosh, I've been in a coma for a MONTH! Cause I died on the first day!"

"I'm just glad I have both my arms again."

Ellie's just done.

"Yeah TOM! Don't cut a woman's arm off! I'M VOTING YOU TONIGHT."

"You'll be distorted for a few more hours, adjusting back to our time, getting back to your body, all that kind of stuff."

"And you'll probably need YEARS of therapy."

(I did impressions A LOT this episode...)

Continued On Part 6 >>

[kamenstranger]

Before I dive into this review proper I want to give a heads-up that I am about to get into book spoilers and will be approaching this review with the assumption you've read the source material, which the show also expects. Likewise, I cannot talk about the show without getting into spoilers, due to the very nature of it. If you want my one piece of spoiler-free advice; think of it as a spin-off. Cause it kinda is. You'll have a much better time in that "What If?/Elseworlds" mindset.

If spoilers are cool with you, let's jump into it.

So, I was pretty much obsessed with the series in 2010. I was about 17/18 when I first got into the series. The 6th book wasn't out yet, and I can't even remember how I got into the series to begin with. But I believe I ordered volume 1 followed by 2-5 as soon as I finished, or maybe I went all in. I know for a fact I preordered vol. 6 when I finished vol 5. Still have the receipt for it; July 18th, 2010. 10.58 total.

I followed the various video updates on the movie, fan art, fell in love with the game, bought a Smashing Pumkins shirt, and the Anamanaguchi soundtrack was even the first digital album I bought for myself. I was basically just at the right age and state of mind for the series to grab me and have a profound effect with its themes. I think it's something I needed at the time.

But as much as the series meant to me, it's something I mostly moved on from. After all, the book ended in 2010, and until recently I probably hadn't reread it since 2013 or so. My books are in remarkable condition, actually. I mostly kept up with O'Malley's other works, and preordered Seconds when that was announced. Sadly haven't been keeping up with Snotgirl as much as I'd like, but I digress.

So when the show got announced… well, honestly my first reaction was "That thing they should've done after the Adult Swim short" Because, yeah, animation is a better medium for it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the 2010 movie- one of the best theater experiences because the like 5 other people in the audience were massive fan girls loving all the bits. And there is a lot to love about the movie: its visual gags; the performances; the music selection; the overall direction- seriously, Edgar Wright doesn't get enough credit for how good he is at keying in on visuals. Dude knows how to translate comic panels and mimic the vibe of the source.

But it lacked the depth of the books. There's no major character arc for Scott and Ramona addressing their flaws. Hell, the books weren't even finished yet. There are a ton of great translations from comic to screen, but mostly the superficial. Moments like Scott's meeting with Knives in the alley showing that he's becoming more empathetic and confronting his mistakes are either absent or glossed over. Likewise, Knives' own journey of maturity isn't there. This isn't a complaint mind you, it's not like those cuts are unreasonable. I can hardly blame them for not cramming 6 (and incomplete) books into a two hour film. That just ain't gonna happen.

The biggest advantage in a series as opposed to a movie is the opportunity to properly explore the characters beyond a surface level. I'm not saying anything particularly revolutionary by stating the most universally agreed-upon element from the books is that Scott is a bit of a shit.

However, I think that statement is overly simplifying the situation and the character, one far too often invoked by hack frauds who don't truly engage with the work, because clickbait engagement is more valued than a nuanced analytical one. I won't sit here unpacking the full 6 volumes, you can check out someone like Popculturebuffet for that. But part of what works so well with Scott is that we don't initially know the extent of his baggage- and rightfully so. His worst aspect early on is ignorantly getting involved with Knives in the first place, stringing her along even after becoming enamored with Ramona, and being a bit of a slacker. This is something which is pointed out by literally everyone (sans Stephen) as being shitty. But otherwise, he seems fairly average and even endearing in a way. Scott's an affable character that's easy to like in spite of his very major flaws, and that's a statement that remains true throughout. The reader doesn't even get to simmer much on the scenario with Knives until later- and to some degree, this even applies to Scott himself. He's slightly oblivious to his actions, past and present. A prime example would be that we're initially under the impression that Scott doesn't like to drink, which is mostly true. Mostly.

It's not until volume 6 that it becomes clear he got into a drunken fight with Envy on New Year's, suddenly re-contextualizing that and other events. It doesn't negate how Envy was very much a bitch who treated Scott like complete garbage, cheated on him, and screwed his head up something fierce. She is unequivocally the worse person there. But it adds nuance that wasn't present before. I focus on the event with Envy because it's sort of a perfect microcosm of Scott as a character. Scott "doesn't" drink because of what happened, except on the 3-4 social occasions over the course of the 6 volumes, showing how he has a habit of just flat-out lying in various ways, including to himself. He's aware on some level, but simultaneously suppresses that awareness from memory and even re-imagines scenarios outright (Sometimes with a little help, unbeknownst to him) acting like everything was always fine on his end. This is even more true in his prior relationship with Kim.

Scott's solutions are half measures where he can pretend that he was always the victim in a breakup, or at least innocent and free of blame, thus never growing in a meaningful manner. Hell, that's the reason he ended up with Knives in the first place; he was trying to get over Envy, but not in a healthy manner. Change is seen as scary to Scott, and yet it's inevitable. That is, at least due in part to Envy changing into a hateful person. As such, Scott wants something simple where he doesn't have to put in effort. Knives is naive and doesn't see Scott for the dick that he is, she doesn't ask him to be better because he's already perfect to her naive mind. It's shallow, and a tad messed up, and everyone knows it, including Scott- hence his continued dreams about being alone. He knows it's not, cannot, and never will be serious. He's stupid, but not a monster- but stupidity can be a form of malice if one doesn't change their heart. It's not exactly like the story is even subtle about this. The entire existence of Nega Scott is that you can't fight the past, you can't run from it even if you hate that part of you. You have to confront it and accept it to move on, hopefully changing for the better. To say nothing of how Gideon is what Scott could become if he never owned up to it. That angle is why I felt Scott and Ramona worked. Quite frankly, Ramona is just as flawed of an individual running from her past. She's constantly trying to change herself, but always on a surface level. She's afraid of normalcy, of being stuck in a routine, of being happy. She makes out (Not that much) with her ex, Roxie, in anger because she sees Scott hanging with Lisa Miller and suspects the worst. She (rightfully) gets enraged at how Scott was still with Knives when he and her first went out, thus cheating- yet she did the same with the Katayanagi twins, and possibly Lucas. And, ya know, she never formally handed off the breakup letter to Gideon, so she's kinda doing the same thing Scott did with Knives and her. Ramona's past is just as checkered as Scott's. She's just as jealous, hypocritical, and nuanced. It just takes longer to realize that because she puts up emotional barriers and isn't the titular character/main focus. Neither one is evil, but they've wronged people. Often they've been wronged, and sometimes it's not a clean-cut scenario of easily blaming anyone. For all the great supporting cast, gags, fun references, and so forth, our two main protagonists being flawed yet likable is what makes the series compelling. The heart is two people gradually learning to get over their selves and their mistakes. To stop running away, and accept their faults and one another. Over the 6 books, we see them (albeit mainly Scott) put in the effort to be better, to build and maintain something special, and not just go with what's simple and easy. It's not about fighting the exes, it's about fighting for each other.

That type of character arc requires time for development. So, when it comes to this Netflix series, my biggest hope was simply that they would capture that element found within the books. In the lead-up to the show, there were some rumors about the exes having more to do, and I can see that working. As much as I do think the book does a fine job, Todd and Roxie are the only ones with a decent amount of depth. Matthew works perfectly because his simple backstory is a gag in itself. Lee is a fun character with a tiny bit of backstory, but it's barely there. Gideon I can forgive due to his mysterious final boss nature and his schtick is being the extreme opposite of Scott. But the Twins? They're shafted pretty hard. They're there to fill out a roster. Honestly, though, even Roxie would've benefited greatly from the smallest of backstories ala Lucas Lee. She's perhaps the most interesting because she and Ramona are on good enough terms to have coffee together. Hell, Rox genuinely cares for Ramona, and unlike Lucas Lee, she's prominent enough in the story that a simple flashback could have been the cherry on top of all that.

The other part is streamlining story elements. No surprise there. From the get-go, O'Malley said it was not a 1-1 adaptation, and honestly, it shouldn't be. Some parts should be changed for the sake of convenience, and frankly, the book has some superfluous parts. Does anyone even remember Jason Kim? He shows up like twice as "dude with car" and apparently dating Kim Pine until dorking her housemate. That gives the impression of each character having their own life and drama that we're not privy to, which is nice. But it's also not important to include outside the books. Kim (Pine) becoming self-conscious when Envy is brought up, smiling when Scott stays over, or her dead-eyed expression as she lies during the fight with the Twins. All of that says far more about her, her feelings, her love life etc.

Then there's Knives' dad. Fun in the book, wouldn't take him out. But completely unneeded for emotional and narrative development. Sometimes you gotta look at the source material and realize that even if you like something, tacking on an extra hour for the most obvious whodunit would kill the pacing in an adaptation. (That was a LOTR reference for those playing at home)

However, the above scenarios are a trepidatious path. How does one decide what needs reworking, cutting, or expanding? They're necessary for an adaption, but they're not always obvious. If you're not careful, you can completely undermine or mishandle key elements that made the original so beloved. You risk removing seemingly innocuous moments that add a lot to a character's growth. Above, I mentioned that the Twins got shafted in the book, but there isn't really a good place to expand upon them in the original story. They're not as important as Ramona's growing discontent. It's why Scott's fight with robot 01 is relegated to background gags while we focus on Ramona and Kim. You could put a flashback during the final confrontation with the Twins, but that would muck up the pacing and take away from Kim's far more important character moment in lying to Scott to bolster him. The Twins are just narrative scaffolding holding a spotlight on what we should be focusing on. That's what all the exes are to some extent. Shallow, sure, but only so the other characters get depth.

It's not an easy line to walk. If you push too hard on telling a more original story or focus too much on "correcting" various details, you can negate what were otherwise successful plot points. Do too little and the pacing falls apart because the medium is completely different. Would the changes made still contain a similar level of depth and satisfying character arcs, or would it merely be a shallow reworking of the broadest of strokes? The only way to not lose is not to play. These are the concerns I had in the lead up to the show, which is fairly routine. We also weren't getting a lot of information storywise, aside from that it would be mostly doing its own thing (This is something that should have been emphasized more in marketing) The trailers showed familiar set pieces; that Ramona delivers DVDs for Netflix now, which is a great and absurd change; You saw some of the streamlining by having Scott rent Lucas Lee films, thus inadvertently getting a head start on that and cutting out the No Account Video segment; there's a brief original bit where Ramona talks to Julie about how well the date with Scott went. Most of the setting also looked like it was from the first and sixth volumes, which was a tad odd. But other than that, they were tight lipped about the narrative. Most of the promotional focus was on music, the returning cast, and the animation. All great things unique to this medium that we will get into in due time. Speaking of, let's finally discuss

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off

So you know how Final Fantasy 7 Remake emphasized the "Remake" part? Well, we kinda have that here with the "Take Off" part.

I'll just cut right to the chase. Scott seemingly dies in the fight with Patel in the first episode. Episode two is his absolutely absurd funeral. Almost the rest of the episode is centered around Patel wanting to take over the league for himself, and succeeding in doing so, gaining all of Gideon's assets, while the league dissolves once they realize Patel didn't even get Ramona back after winning.

This is uh, certainly a direction to go.

Let's put aside not following the source material and this being an original story. Why should I care about this story? I'll concede that he and Gideon have a great fight. The animation from Science Saru is great, and the voice performances are great: Shoutouts to Satya Bhabha, his delivery is impeccable, hilarious, and a major highlight of the show. But why should I care about these events, this retake? What's the hook? Thus far, the primary purpose of the show feels like a fake out, gags, and fights. I spent the opening of this review going over the emotional weight of the books, that's the anchor. So far, I'm getting moments without substance. Am I supposed to care because I have a prior connection to these characters? This is something I wouldn't figure out a proper description and answer for until the finale. My issues also felt exacerbated by both the advertisements not making the original story angle clear, and also how good the first episode starts off. Because Cera as Scott is truly perfect. Cera was a voice actor before transitioning to the screen, and his performance is top-notch in addition to being a great vocal fit to begin with. So it's kinda disappointing to not have him around for quite a bit. Anyway, the second episode ends with Ramona dreaming and hearing Scott's voice, meaning that Scott isn't dead, he's in Subspace or somewhere.

Episode 3: Ramona Rents a Video.

As if answering one of my questions immediately, the third episode finally gives a hook as Ramona starts playing detective, like Pikachu Columbo. That's the selling point, that this is primarily Ramona's story.

She checks out footage of the Patel fight, showing that someone pulled Scott through a portal (Hence the title of the show, wink-wink.) Ramona then heads to First Cup to get a person of interest list from Julie- which is a pretty damn funny sequence, actually. I'm starting to enjoy the show at this point, and it's kinda wild how much more enjoyable Julie is in both the movie and show compared to the comics. Sure, she's a bitch, but she's a fun bitch due in no small part to Aubrey Plaza's wonderfully riled vocals. After getting the necessary info, Ramona is led to Kim since she knew Scott the longest. We even get a cute story about the poorly drawn Sheep Scott did, which looks hilariously WAY worse in the show.

There's also a key comment from Kim that I think is to make a point for dorks like me. Kim mentions that she was once kidnapped by a guy named Simon and rescued by Scott. That was a false memory of Scott's in the books. In vol. 6, Kim pointed out to Scott that Simon was just a dude she went out with like twice, probably hugged, and Scott beat up. This is one of a number of clues that seem to be here to firmly establish this isn't the same continuity as the books being messed with, and should not be thought of as a sequel if that was a concern.

Anyways, their conversation is cut short when Roxie arrives in the hope of rekindling her former flame. But things go south pretty quickly and Roxie's hotheadedness takes over.

What follows is one of the best fights in the show, equal parts funny and clever. Hell, it starts with Rox drawing her sword and accidentally cutting the sprinkler line. It adds a dramatic pseudo rain that's completely negated by Kim's wonderfully deadpan expression as all the damn tapes in the store become soaked.

During the scuffle with Ramona, a shelf of movies falls on the two which… somehow transports them into various movies? I dunno, we're working off video game logic, I guess Gex counts. It's a sequence that I'm sure was done purely for looking interesting. To its credit, the visual styling is on point. From Japanese historical drama to a post-Matrix early 2000s green filter era, to a scratchy film-grain-heavy WW2 film. The backing track also flows into each film genre. I also love a quick gag where Kim watches the fight on a CRT and fucks around with the rewind and pause feature, allowing Ramona to counter an earlier attack. Roxie gets knocked back into the store, smashes the remote, and gets dragged back into the movies by Ramona. That's great.

As the fight continues, Ramona and Rox begin arguing about their relationship, and we get that flashback sequence! It's a small thing, but they show that Ramona left without a word and how that tore Roxie up. Good lord, someone hug that poor girl, she looks like a sad puppy. In a legit great moment, Ramona has to confront how she treated Roxie, sincerely apologizing for it, which Roxie tearfully accepts it. I gotta say, Mae Whitman really gets to shine in the role more than ever. She's one of those I point to when talking about just how perfect everyone sounds exactly how I'd expect.

After the fight, she hangs out with Ramona and Kim for a bit, being very flirty with both. Kim even smooches her for the hell of it, although both admit there wasn't anything there. But hey, they managed to still get a Bi-curious Kim in here, and in a way that was better than in the books.

Elsewhere, a beat-to-hell Gideon arrives in town, meeting with Julie, an old schoolmate.

I legitimately liked this, there's actual emotional weight going on, there's interesting shit being done, and I'm settling into the show's intent. I like the idea of giving Ramona her own story with a slight focus on how she feels about her past. I think her going out of the way as much as she does for Scott, a dude she just met, is a little flimsy. Again, it's really expecting the audience to care because we, in theory, care about them getting together.

Ep. 4: Whatever.

Things get really fucking meta in this one. Ruling Roxie out as the kidnapper, who didn't even know Scott was alive, Ramona turns her attention to Lucas Lee, who is starting a new picture in Toronto.

Turns out the movie is from Young Neil's screenplay, which "he" wrote back in ep 3, or rather a mysterious "sleep paralysis demon" he saw did. The movie is about Scott's life if he won the fight with Patel.

This toying with the universe thing is getting a little unsettling.

Most of this episode is one big meta gag about making a Scott Pilgrim movie with Director Edgar Wrong. I'm not even mad at this, I'm just completely flabbergasted at what the hell I'm seeing. And this will become a reoccurring bit throughout.

Also hope you like gags about Knives' age cause holy shit they reference this a lot throughout the show.

It's at this point in my viewing process I have developed a headache.

To give some credit, Lucas is fun in this episode. He's more in line with the film version, and Evans actually sounds better than ever, likely thanks to age and simply having more to say. And like with Roxie, Lee has a Flashback. There isn't much more than what was in the book, but I think the presentation is better. Seeing Ramona patch him up after a bad fall, and Lucas arranging his Locker (which is filled with photos of Ramona) as she and Todd walk behind him. Man, that stings.

Needless to say, Lee isn't responsible for Scott's disappearance and with the whole "controversy" regarding him dating a 31 year old actress playing a highschooler, he's hounded off the lot and has to be replaced by Todd, which seems to be a reoccurring thing for him.

Ep. 5: Lights. Camera. Sparks?!

I'm now starting to believe this entire show may have been an elaborate troll towards people obsessed with adaptation accuracy to a fault. I almost want to applaud the sheer audacity of it. Suffice it to say, 95% of this episode is done in a documentary style, and there are a lotta hijinks on set. Ramona is working as Envy's stunt double just so she can have easier access to the set and hopefully get a lead from Todd. Wallace also bones Todd. A LOT. Oh yes, Wallace shacks up with Todd, and Todd is really into it. Wallace, on the other hand, just wanted to hook up with a hot dude, leading to a whole excursion and depressive vegan breaking episode for Todd. Brandon Routh really gets to go full ham here, and it's wonderful.

Some damn funny parts aside, Todd wasn't behind the portal, but it was certainly vegan in nature. Ramona is otherwise back to Square one until Patel, by happenstance, arrives on the lot to fire everyone. Afterward, Patel has a brief confluence with Stephen Stills and Knives, who manage to get an in with him. Since Scott's apparent death, Knives has taken his place in Sex-Bob-omb on Bass (and keyboard) making decent music with Stephen Stills. The importance of that will come into play next episode.

Patel then turns his attention to Ramona. Obviously, Patel wouldn't have any reason to keep Scott around, but it's entirely plausible Gideon, or rather his real identity, Gordon Goose, would as part of a revenge scheme.

Ep. 6: WHODIDIT. This episode starts with probably the best opening gag that I kinda don't wanna ruin despite spoiling everything else. I'm probably gonna be adding "I was gone for 90 %#&! minutes" to my quotes, though.

In any case, this is a fairly straightforward episode. Ramona interviews Julie once again, but it becomes clear that Gideon, Goose, has neither the mental state nor resources to pull something like that off. As an aside, we get a flashback with him as well, showing that he was the school nerd. He supposedly had no fear (No pain) until he aimed well above his status in asking a girl out, leading to him being laughed out of school, which Julie remembers all too well.

It seems like another dead-end, but when Ramona accompanies Julie back to her house, they both see a familiar Robot, the Twins' 01 Robot, which has been making very unsubtle appearances in every episode up to this point; Lee's place; outside the video store; the studio lot, etc. We also have a B-plot with Stephen Stills and Knives making music for a stage adaption of Neil's Screenplay so it doesn't go to waste.

Cute.

It's here where it becomes known that Neil didn't write the script, and upon checking the original file, realize something is off and that Ramona should be informed. All parties gather in Ramona's apartment as she goes over the pertinent information in whodidit (dunit?) fashion, including treating us to another flashback, this time with the twins. It's probably the least engaging of the flashbacks, honestly. Even in this, they get shafted. Regardless, the who and how are solved. But Not the why or where. Where Scott is remains a mystery, but it's likely the Twins know, which is where Ramona intends to check out.

Oh, and the information the gang has about Neil's Script? The metadata says it was written 14 years from now. But just as more questions are raised, another winds up on Ramona's doorstep; Scott, safe and mostly sound. The Twins were in fact behind it, and the robot, and… himself.

Ep. 7: 2 Scott 2 Pilgrim.

Yes, the one who pulled Scott out of Time was himself, from the future; a 37 year old Scott. The how is rather simple and already answered; the Katayanagi twins. Older Scott and them became friends in the future, even starting a band; Pop'n TwinBee (RIP Shatterband.) By the way, if you ever wanted to hear Will Forte sing a hilariously bad cover of Konya Wa Hurricane from Bubblegum Crisis as an older Scott Pilgrim, this is the show for you. I was laughing my ass off at this.

Anyway, the robot was disconnected from a fixed time stream, and being a vegan cause, ya know, robot, is able to create portals. Therefore Time portals. As to the why, Scott showed his past self using a virtual reality machine on the Virtual Guuy[sic], complete with red and black pixel art mimicking the style of the game. Past Scott sees memories on the not Virtual Boy; Defeating the Evil Exes, future marriage to Ramona, their honey moon at Universal… and divorce. Well, technically they're just separated after 13 odd years of marriage. Older Scott has since been living with Wallace and his husband.

Exactly what happened is never stated, just that the pain was so much Scott decided to follow through on a sarcastic comment from Wallace and prevent falling for Ramona in the first place. Old Wallace sums up the mental state of Old Scott to regular Scott, describing it as "Like after Envy, times ten." Which uh, yeah, no wonder Older Scott's a tad kooky.

It's at this point I have to bring up personal stuff, and it's something that I thought I might have to. So, when Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour dropped in 2010, I distinctly remember reading an interview with O'Malley about the ending. In the lead-up to the final book there was a lot of speculation from fans that maybe Scott and Ramona wouldn't end up together (there was a strong case to be made for Kim) maybe it would end badly since both Scott and Ramona have their struggles. Some people even thought he would end up with Knives, which is missing the entire point of her character arc, and also fuck no.

Ultimately we got the ending we did because, at the time, O'Malley was happy, so he thought Scott should be happy. But O'Malley divorced in 2014.

I dislike bringing that up, but that was leading me to speculate (and brace myself) if that would have an impact here. I mean, how could it not? And look, there is a good argument that Scott and Ramona needn't stay together for their journey together to be satisfying. It would fit right in line with the theme that things don't always stay the same. People can grow apart, even the important ones that change your life. I don't like that outcome, but it's not as if it's wrong to consider. Particularly for a story like this.

But I also think there's an element of overt cynicism to that. What's interesting is that the show doesn't go in that direction. In fact, it's actually insistent that Ramona and Scott can't help but be drawn to one another, there's a spark there. We even get a scene of Scott hooking up the 01 robot to the VR, and since 01 is connected across time, he can see into the past versions. The robot seen throughout the show was Scott seeing that Ramona was constantly looking for him, and that's genuinely sweet.

Still, the situation is bad, as Scott is trapped in the future and can't use the Robot to travel for reason.

On Young Scott's insistence, he and Older Wallace meet up with Older Ramona, discovering she was the one who went back in time and wrote Young Neil's Screenplay in a failed attempt to preserve their story and hopefully thwart Older Scott. (Let's not go crossed-eyed thinking too hard about paradoxes)

He's a misguided idiot, but Ramona still loves the moron, even if she has her doubts after her failed plan. But Scott's words of encouragement about his Ramona never giving up on him gives her hope. Importantly, she can time travel with her DeLorean roller blades, which is how Scott can and did get back to the past.

But even after Scott's return and reunion, their problems aren't over, as a force field prevents Ramona and Scott from kissing. Someone is still interfering, and the list of who might as well just be the entire list of exes. Thankfully, Stephen Stills and Knives have a convenient plan: The stage musical is going to have all the exes in attendance, so they've got one big gathering spot to get to the bottom of this.

This is one of my favorite episodes of the show. It's cool seeing older versions of the characters, and frankly, the presentation is just great. I do think that too much of that emotional weight is relying on events from the books for your investment. I know, I know. Can't enjoy a good thing without a critique. Still, this is a great episode, one of my favorites along with ep. 3, and our next and final episode.

Oh, and the end credits has a proper rendition of Konya Wa Hurricane, so that's fucking cool.

Ep. 8: The World Vs Scott Pilgrim.

So here we are at the big finale at the premiere of the Scott Pilgrim Musical.

The thing is, none of the exes seem to be suspect. Gideon is the only one with ulterior motives, but they're not towards Scott and Ramona, he just wants to blow up the stage and Matthew Patel.

But not long after everyone is seated something goes awry. A portal appears and transports all the exes and Scott's friend group (And also Julie and the robot) to a barren land.

The one behind this, and the force field, was an Even Older and very buff Scott (47) He slipped past Scott nano machines as a backup to prevent him from ever getting close to Ramona, but even that wasn't enough. So for 10 years he trained to take everyone out, as it's the only way to be sure. And so our final battle begins: The World vs. Scott Pilgrim. If you listen closely to the track during this scene "Big Bad" incorporates elements of "The Dark One" Nega Scott's theme from the game. That's a nice touch.

Even Older Scott is no pushover, he breaks Ramona's Hammer, and despite a fairly good comeback from regular Scott, he beats him pretty bad. The others come to his aid, Knives attacking with daggers, but Even Older Scott punches Knives so hard he knocks the highlights our of her hair.

Ramona begins handing out items from her bag, cyber broccoli for Todd, a cyber skateboard for Lucas, and a cyber sword for Roxie, just as the sub boss music from the game kicks in. Along with Matthew's mystic arts, they mange to actually lay into Even Older Scott, but that only causes him… to go… even further beyond, and One hit KO the four.

The Twins Robot is ineffectual and even Gideon's not quite the glow-douken has no effect. Even Older Scott just grabs it and turns it against Stephen, Knives, Kim, and Neil. This. This is actually fucking awesome. It's going full Shonen ham.

We're down to just Ramona and Scott, who team up and hit him together, followed by Scott and Even Older Scott literally butting heads. We get our obligatory speech between a younger Scott just wanting to live his life, and Even Older Scott saying he'll just end up where he's at if he does.

And it finally clicked into place what the hell Scott Pilgrim Takes Off actually is. This is like a Shonen spin off story. Your Broly Trilogy, Hunter X Hunter The Last Mission, Naruto Blood Mission. But with an X-men time travel plot slapped on. It's an excuse to play around and do different (mostly cool) shit with a set of familiar characters. Like a movie or OVA, the characterization isn't as deep as the main source material. It banks on you giving a damn because of the familiarity so they can mostly get right to the cool bits and not try as hard or waste time on the re-interpretative parts. Don't think too hard about the misgivings, think about Akuma Scott beating the shit out of everyone while the familiar music you're nostalgic for plays.

And goddamn that's frustrating because that's what they should've led with. All the damn trailers were dancing around the new material and making it seem like an adaptation. To keep on the Anime brand, if people are expecting a "Brotherhood" or "Ultimate" version with a Cast they like, and then they don't get that… well yeah that's not gonna go over well. I can't fault anyone for being mad about that. That's having the rug pulled out from under you. But once you realize what this is, and what it's doing, it's a lot easier to enjoy and be its own thing. It branches off a similar story to the books, but it's not like this is a canonical revision or sequel to them.

That said, just because it's "less developed" doesn't mean this is without heartfelt moments I enjoy. When it seems like Even Older Scott has the upper hand, an even older Ramona shows up to chew old Scott out for not even texting in 10 years, fighting people in the past rather than fighting for them, all because of one rough patch. It's funny, but it also confirms the biggest divergence. This is a world where Scott was never kicked out during the Roxie chapter, a world without Gideon's "Glow" mental manipulation, and presumably Scott never faced his inner demons because of it. This also means Ramona didn't run off after the twins' defeat because the glow wasn't affecting her mentality, and thus she faced her own. That one line snowballs into a lot of stuff not happening for their character growth. That- that is an interesting concept.

This all leads to a poignant scene where Ramona questions her older self if she should even bother. What's the point if it ends up like this? Maybe it's best to just keep moving. But, that's also Ramona's thing, isn't it? Running away from what she loves, which is presumably (along with his own stupidity) what set Older Scott down a spiral in the first place. In a scene that parallels Scott's own understanding within the books, Ramona comes to realize she's ran all her life.

In the end, Ramona chooses to stop running and embrace herself, quite literally. Both Ramona's combining into, as Scott puts it "Super Ramona" Able to see the situation for what it is, one Scott still in many ways a dumb kid, the other Scott just a sad mess. She simply sends Older Scott back to his time with the hope he'll straighten out. Meanwhile, the nano machines are still a problem with current Scott. But that's nothing a super form can't overload with a determined kiss. Daww.

Before things go back to normal and because she'll have trouble saying it later, she tells Scott she loves him, and that she tends to run away from what she loves. But who she was in the past isn't who she is now. She just needs help remembering that.

Everyone returns to the theater to enjoy the rest of the musical, and Patel's demon girls subvert Gideon's plans. After the show, he and Julie are apprehended, but Matthew instead begs Gideon to take all his crap back. He has no idea how to run a company, is stressed out, and has lost billions. All Matthew wants is to continue the stage show.

We then get an epilogue. Lucas Lee takes up a job at Second First Cup; Todd has returned to being a Vegan with coaching from Roxie; The rental store Kim worked at closes down; Wallace takes a vacation to Paris where he meets Mobile; Knives continues performing with Sex-Bob-Omb as their keyboardist; Ramona gives up delivery work and instead returns to being a stunt double.

We end on Ramona coloring her hair once again, before heading out and meeting with Scott and the others, as Plumtree's Scott Pilgrim plays us off.

Only for a mid-credits scene to show Gideon and Julie plotting revenge. Oooo.

And that is Scott Pilgrim Takes Off.

s'allright, innit? Okay, joking aside- I think I'm gonna have a hard time conveying my feelings on this one. But I still have three more things to talk about before we get to my final thoughts.

First off, the voice acting is great, shockingly great. I'm a person who is very much of the mindset that you should hire voice actors for voice roles BUT, in this instance, I can understand why. It's incredible they got everyone back and how well they work. I've already given my praise to Cera, Bhabha, Plaza, Whitman, Routh, and Evans in the story portion of this review. But I'm drastically overdue to talk about Winstead's performance. I think this was the one people were most curious about because in the movie there was this aura of Ramona feeling more "cold" in her personality. This was due to the original direction they wanted to take that version, and sadly it meant we didn't quite get a more angles. Here? Yeah, this is pretty great. We hear Ramona full of regret, angry, annoyed, sentimental. It's a much more well-rounded version. My one nitpick is Winstead needs to work on her battle cries, it really stands out in the Roxie fight opposite a veteran VA like Whitman. But otherwise, this is how I imagine Ramona sounding. And I'd be remiss if I didn't bring up how anytime Ramona has a vulnerable moment talking about Scott, she genuinely sounds smitten. The Future Ramona (the first one) in particular stands out to me. That's a version of the character that's older, clearly hurt, and weary, but still very much in love. I can't help imagining that being applied to scenes from the book. In Vol. 5 the part after The Twins are defeated and Scott returns. That scene always tears me apart when I read it. I'm fairly certain if I heard Cera and Winstead's performance of that it would rip my soul out. So maybe it's best we only have this original story. So yeah, I'm happy to see that she fits right into the role better than ever.

Another performance I've yet to mention is Ellen Wong, who is just as perfectly energetic as she was in the film. It's a shame we don't get to hear her do a somber Knives in this setting, but it's hard to complain with how pleasant it is hearing her chipper over the top excitement. Alison Pill's Kim Pine is as sardonic as always, and much like Routh and Evans, I think she's even better now. Johnny Simmon sounds exactly the same, no complaints, 10/10. Jason Schwartzman is an experienced VA, so no surprise he sounds fine. He doesn't get to stretch out much since Gideon isn't super prominent here. Although episode 6 did show a lot of range and potential for what you could do with him. Maybe next season? Similarly Brie Larson's Envy doesn't have a whole lot of screen time, but she's equal parts charming and manipulative. Honestly, for a small as the role is, it made me realize just how much Larson is good at the role and how that level of emotion is often subdued in roles elsewhere. Honestly, I hate to say it, but Mark Webber's Stephen Stills is probably one of the weaker performances on the show. It's not even that it's bad, it's fine and works- except for the animation. That's the one caveat. There are a couple of moments where Stephen Stills is pantomiming, and the voice doesn't match that energy. Truth be told, I even sorta have a similar issue with Kieran Culkin's Wallace, which I swear looks like the syncing was off in the earlier episodes. The saving grace is that Wallace has more scenes than Stephen Stills and therefore Culkin got more opportunities. This is sorta the area I mean when I think it's best to get trained VA. It's a completely different medium and hard to jump into immediately.

I don't wanna end this segment on a downer, so I'll once again mention Will Forte sings Like a Hurricane. OH, Segue.

Soundtrack

So I did not know what to expect going into this. I mean, I was a fan of Anamanaguchi, but I hadn't kept up since Endless Fantasy, sans the Miku single- which is really good by the way. And Joseph Trapanese I was most familiar with from his collaboration with Daft Punk on Tron Legacy, so no worries there. But I did wonder how well a chiptune heavy sound would work. As much as I dig it, it's a very upbeat vibe. Even some of Anamanaguchi's more dramatic tracks have a charming bubbliness to them. How would that work within a series? Well, the short answer is they don't have as much chiptune going on as you would assume. There are a few that incorporate chiptunes to a limited degree, others a bit more, but most not at all. The vast majority of the OST is more traditional fair and Synthwave, and in a way, it sorta mimics my own evolving tastes. I still listen to Chiptune stuff, but I'm also really big into synth music nowadays. It feels like a proper bookend to my late-teens early twenties listening to Anamanaguchi, and later Dance with the Dead and Midnight Danger, and now Anamanaguchi's synth offerings. One of the tracks, Yet Another Winter Again (Calling back to the first stage in The Game) has a Redbook audio sound with a hint of Chiptune, but not the NES/GB Anamanaguchi is known for. It sounds like a SNES. In fact, I would compare the track to something you'd hear in VA-11 Hall-A. So even when there are chiptunes, we're branching out quite a bit in both sound fonts and style. Of course, there are a couple of vocal tracks as well. Like the movie, there are universe songs for Sex-Bob-Omb. They have a unrefined roughness to them, which is perfect for a small unprofessional indie band. As for some of my favorite tracks, the aforementioned Yet Another Winter Again; He's You; And They were Roommates; Blame it on the Goose; Big Bad; Bad Guys; Knives & Kim; and God Only Knows. I'm sure that'll change as time goes on. I'm really digging Lucas' flashback music, and Fond Memories, nice parallel between those two. In fact there's quite a few pieces that, in tandem with the animation, do a lot to sell those heartwarming (or wrenching) moments.

Animation.

Oh right, the animation. So, if you read my Castlevania Nocturne review, you know I went on a slight tangent about how I think it's silly that they labeled it an anime despite it being produced and partly animated in goddamn Texas. It was just a label because they're embarrassed to call their super serious animation what it is because they think anime sounds more mature. I swear some people still think it's 1985 and Vampire Hunter D is the wildest shit cause blood.

Funny thing about Scott Pilgrim though, it's just straight-up animated by Science Saru. I'm not here to get into semantics, because then we'll be asking if Batman TAS counts because Sunrise. I just find it funny. At the very least Takes Off certainly fits the bill more than Nocturne does. But back on topic, it's fucking good. I mean, I don't think that comes as any surprise. Science Saru has made a name for doing really impressive work from Devilman Crybaby, to Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!, and the shorts Akakiri and T0-B1 for Star Wars Visions. Not to mention supplemental work for the Garo anime, OK-KO, and Adventure Time. So Scott Pilgrim is perfectly in their wheelhouse, and they do an incredible job capturing O'Malley's illustrations while adding their own unique flare to the styling.

Sadly Tumblr's gif size limit means I can't easily showcase some of the fights as much as I'd like, but suffice it to say the level of fluidity and cinematography is astonishing. Again, episode 3 is an amazing showcase in itself.

To say nothing of how expressive everyone is in the show.

Also this is a weird one, but I think with the exception to episodes 5 & 7, each episode has Ramona going through a bleaching and dye routine. It is bizarrely satisfying to watch, like the tea making in Samurai Jack.

Final Thoughts.

Takes Off was both a confusing shock and a pleasant surprise upon first viewing. It's impressive in its existence, and has moments that I fucking love. Like the Shonen it emulates, it does also come off as a tad superfluous or melodramatic in many respects. But it is fun to bust out old toys and play with them again. The fact that in 2023 I'm seeing a new work related to Scott Pilgrim is fucking incredible. I'm happy that this exists, I'm happy to hear the cast together again, and happy to hear some great music tracks. And I do love the characters of Scott Pilgrim, I love the performances in this show, I love numerous parts of this show. But, I also think it's fair to say what I love most aren't these characters. And that's okay. Those characters should remain in the series that ended in 2010, while these are easily malleable versions for an animated series to have fun with. Maybe you could never capture or replicate the exact magic of the books again, so it's better to just do your own thing. Takes Off was, in the end, a fun time that I think works best when you know what you're getting into. Once you're armed with that knowledge, I think you'll find a show much easier to appreciate.

All that said, as backhanded as this is going to seem, I still think the nicest thing that Takes Off did was get me to re-read the book series for this review. I got to re-examine a profound series from the perspective of a 31 year old, but still find all that I originally loved as a 17 year old. When it comes to adaptive works, no matter what, the nice thing is you'll always have the originals to go back to. You change, maybe your tastes change, and certain things hit differently or don't hold up when you go back. But it's nice to revisit. I think nostalgia can be a poison. Too many people get caught up in wanting to relive the exact moment, to be trapped. But I think it's more fun to see something you love still remain a love even after so much time has passed. I'm happy with how I felt as a teenager reading a story about emotional growth. Some personally, some apart, and others closer. In my 30s, I still appreciate that, and it still affects me and resonates. But just because I cherish that above all else doesn't mean I wouldn't be interested in more Scott Pilgrim. And if O'Malley and Grabinski wanna make more people sing 80s anime songs badly, I'll be on board for that alone.

Or Roxie flirting with every woman. Seriously, she's so much fun.

As always, thanks for reading. Reblogs are appreciated and you can find me elsewhere on the worldwideweb at: Bsky Ko-Fi

So does Gideon still have his exes frozen somewhere, or is that another difference?

Oh, and now that we have a Netflix Series, can we get a Nendoroid Ramona? There's been like no high end merch since Mondo in 2017.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Devil May Care: Final Part

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.6k

Warnings: canon angst and violence

Summary: Castiel is missing after you told him to go to the Bunker after the angels fell. However, that is put on hold when Abaddon calls with two hostages that you now need to save.

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated.

x

You're about to do some serious damage when the diner in front of you lights up in white light. The angel inside Sam must have come out to play. Abaddon looks over at the diner in shock, loosening her grip on you.

"An angel?!"

"What, did you really think we'd come here without some backup?"

You look behind her and see a store window with some old mannequins. There are some clothes on metal hangers, and your hands light up blue just as your magic circles around the hanger. It wiggles itself free from the clothes before smashing through the glass window. The pointy side flies through the air at a great speed, and it impales Abaddon in the back.

You move your head back when the hanger comes out the other side, just inches from your neck. She gasps and staggers, and you take this opportunity to escape. You blast her back into the same store where the hanger came from. She lands in the store in a cloud of dust, and you rotate your shoulders to get the blood flowing again.

You get up and run over to the store only to see Abaddon gone and a bloody hanger in her place. Forgetting about her, you rush into the diner to see Dean and Sam standing around the demons' dead bodies along with Irv's. Sam has blue eyes, so you know it's the angel possessing him that's out right now.

"What the hell happened here?" you ask as Ezekiel pulls out the demon knife from one of the demons' chests.

"They were going to kill him, Y/N. I was protecting his brother. I thought that was what you two wanted."

"Yeah," you sigh. This is getting too heavy for you. Sam should know who is inside his body, but Dean has different views. "Is Sam okay?"

"He was knocked unconscious. In a way he still is. Sam will not remember any of this."

"So, what the hell are we supposed to tell him when he comes to?" Dean asks.

"That's why I used the knife," Ezekiel says, handing the demon knife over to Dean. "You might come up with a better excuse."

"Smart."

"You are troubled, still."

"Yeah, it's just that this is on me. I was the one who talked Sam out of boarding up Hell. Okay? So, every demon deal and every kill that they make, you're looking at the person who let it happen."

You roll your eyes and turn your back to Dean so he doesn't see how sick and tired you are of him using that excuse.

"You were protecting your brother. I am in Sam's head. Everything he knows, I know. I know that what you did, you did out of love."

"Look, Zeke--I'm gonna call you Zeke--if any of this goes sideways, that's on me too."

"Shut up with the 'it's my fault' shit. It's not your fault. Stop fucking acting like it. God damn," you snap. "Sam is his own person. He chose to listen to you. He could have gone through with it, but he didn't, so it's on all of us, not just you."

Dean is stunned into silence as your words weigh heavily on his shoulders.

"This is nuts," he finally says. "You're Sam but you're not Sam. If I can't talk to Y/N about it, then I'm usually talking to him. I'm trusting you, Zeke. I just gotta hope that you're one of the good guys."

"I am, but I suppose that is what a bad guy would say." He pauses before speaking again. "Dean Winchester, you are doing the right thing."

Ezekiel falls back into Sam's mind, and when your brother-in-law comes out, he falls on the ground since he is knocked out. Now that the dust has settled, you turn to Dean hoping he has moved on from what you said.

"Where is Tracy? I sent her your way."

"After I heard you were with Abaddon, I sent her to get the car. I would have gone with her, but we were swamped in here."

"Right, we should get our things. We're not needed here anymore. Abaddon says she wants Crowley, by the way. If we don't give him to her, she could pull another stunt like this."

"Yeah," Dean whispers.

Sam is out for another three minutes before he wakes up on his own. He freaks out from the loss of time, but when he sees you and Dean just fine, he calms down.

"What the hell happened?" Sam groans in pain.

"You took a shot to the head, and I came in and saved your ass, like usual," Dean lies smoothly. "Y/N was with Abaddon."

You look away in sadness because you hate lying to Sam like this. There has to be a better way for Sam to heal AND have him know what's going on.

"You killed three demons? Alone?"

"I took them by surprise. It got a little messy, and I got a little lucky." Dean helps Sam to his feet. "Oh, and I'm awesome, so there's that."

"Jeez. You are pretty damn awesome," Sam chuckles.

The sound of the Impala pulls outside the diner, and you're glad to get the hell out of this place. Dean finishes zipping his bag up, and the three of you walk outside to see Tracy leave the front seat.

"Hey. Are you okay?" Sam asks when he sees her.

"Yeah, you?"

"More or less."

"I got everything you asked for, but I guess I'm late for the party," she tosses the keys to Dean and gets into the backseat.

"Lucky you. Let's blow this toxic waste dump. Burgers and Silkwood showers on me," Dean declares before shoving his bags into the trunk.

All you need is to see your kids, and everything will be right in the world. Much like you anticipated, they were waiting for you as soon as you walked into the door.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Joanna says and runs over to you.

"My princess!" Dean grins and scoops Mary into his arms.

"I'm your princess," Joanna pouts when you pick her up.

"You're both my princesses," Dean kisses Mary's head. Kevin is nowhere to be found, and you grow a little worried for him. "Kevin?"

With no answer, Dean sets Mary down and both he and Sam rush downstairs to the dungeon where Crowley is. Everyone knows how Kevin feels about the demon, so it wouldn't surprise you if he killed him. Sam and Dean are relieved to see Crowley still locked up, but he is covered in bruises and cuts, no doubt from Kevin.

"Who worked you over?" Dean asks and leans against the doorframe.

"Martin Hayward and Brandon Favors," Crowley sighs.

"They did this to you?"

"No. They're demons. You asked for names, I'm giving you names. They're underperformers. You'll do me a favor by killing them."

"Wow, you break easily," Dean scoffs.

"Please. Your little plan to have me stew in my own delicious juices is pathetic. You want intel. I want things, too. Maybe we can come to some kind of arrangement. Quid pro quo, gentlemen."

"So, these are freebies?" Sam asks.

"Not at all. You can consider them fair trade for the enjoyment that Kevin gave me. He's my new favorite toy," Crowley smirks.

"You check the names, I'll go find the kid," Dean says to his brother.

Both he and Sam lock Crowley back up in the dark, and they go their separate ways. Dean makes it to the war room where he finds you and Kevin. Kevin has a backpack on like he's leaving, and you're without the kids, trying to convince him to stay.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"You can't keep me locked in here. I'm leaving."

"Kevin, please don't leave," you beg.

"Like hell you are! Man, we told you not to talk to Crowley, okay? He messes with your head."

"He said my mom's alive. Crowley said if I let him go, he'd give her back to me."

"He's lying, and if he somehow isn't, then she's dead. In every way that matters, she is dead. I know you're dying to bolt, man. I get it but out that door are demons and angels who would all love to get their hands on a prophet. So, even with Crowley here, this is still the safest place for you."

"We need you, Kevin," you say.

"Because I'm useful, right?"

"Because you're family," you say without hesitation. "After everything we've been through, and everything you've done for us... you're our family."

"She's right," Dean backs you up. "If you don't think that we would die for you... I don't know what to tell you." Kevin starts crying, but you know it's because he's overwhelmed by the love you're giving him. "You, me, Y/N, Sam, and Cas are all we've got. Hey, if none of that matters to you, then I won't stop you."

Kevin decides to stay, but he's so exhausted that he goes straight to bed. Your kids are sleeping, so all that there is left to do is find out who those demons are. Sam is in the library by the time you're done with Kevin, so you two head over to him. He doesn't look too good, and you take a seat next to him and place your hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, what's going on? Are you okay?"

"I don't know. It's just what Tracy said about me. She wasn't wrong."

"Sam, listen to me," Dean sighs and sits across from him. "You have helped a hell of a lot more people than you have hurt. So, all of that was then. Okay?"

"Okay. So, are you two ready for this?"

"Ready for what?"

"The fallen angels? Abaddon? Cas losing his halo? Crowley in our basement?"

"As ready as we can be. What about you? How are you doing?"

"Honestly, I feel better than I have in a long time. I mean, I realize it's crazy out there and we have trouble coming for us, but I look around and I see friends and family. I am happy with my life for the first time in forever." You smile at his words, and he continues. "I am, I really am. Things are finally good."

Your smile fades when you remember you're lying to Sam about who is really inside his body. If he knew, he would hate you and Dean forever. Sam turns back to his research, and you and Dean lock eyes.

You're both thinking the same thing: you're fucked.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[crazy56u]

Well, my stomach feels like crap, and a lot of things could be going better all over.

At least Ben gets to punch a Nazi this week.

Last time on Quantum Leap: Ian's shitty microchip is causing problems, Addison flushed her wedding ring, and Ben convinced a waitress to go into computer science.

And Ben gets to see that guy die again.

"GODDAMNIT LAWRENCE, 'PATHFINDER' ISN'T HELPFUL LAST WORDS!"

And Rock Paper Scissors time is interrupted by the computers breaking again.

"Do I have your attention?" If it turns out this is actually Janis hacking the Project again from Hawaii, and that's the real extent of the chip subplot...

"Look, Ian, I don't know why you're surprised that I'm the bad guy..."

Meanwhile, back in 1955, the cops are still not helpful.

"Hmmm... random guy finding a dying guy... ... ...you a Commie?"

"I'm gonna ask you to not leave town. Luckily, this episode is set entirely in this town."

Princeton 1955 is the most exciting place in the scientific community, right next to the place where the guy who discovered the BLJ in Mario 64 lives.

I honest to God hope they have Einstein cameo in this.

"Hey, we're three guys in suits and hats. Here's the waitress from the alien episode. And yes, that does mean a one-minute commercial break."

Hannah isn't a leaper, she just has an amazing skin care routine.

"Maybe the accelerator decided you needed a friend." Jenn, not for nothing, but that was unintentionally sad due to how you phrased that...

Oh shit, they invented the machine from Sliders.

Okay, so, knowing real world history, the Nazis are 100% gonna smash that thing.

"Look, I'm just a bald white guy talking to the guy from Quantum Leap, you don't need to be here, 1940s Waitress."

Oh, damnit, Einstein's already dead...

"You kept Einstein waiting, and he died. How does that make you feel, shithead?"

Hmmmmmm... I wonder if there is a connection between the evil spies circling the 1955 Project, and the subplot going on at the 2026 Project, that is a toughie...

Hannah just solved the formula for Red Bull.

MORAL OF THE STORY: The scientific community is misogynistic as fuck, even in the 1950s.

"Apparently, you're from New Mexico?" "Yeah, I had to move after this guy helped the sheriff bust a government coverup involving aliens and car crashes."

"Look, Hannah, I need you to stay in the episode, Einstein did secret science shit, I need your help."

"Have we met before, you remind me of Raymond Lee..."

The scientific method: Break into a dead guy's house.

"Magic picked a hell of a day to have a day off, it's almost like he's dealing with alcoholism or something..."

You went to Princeton in 2005, oh dear God, I am so sorry...

And we see that the guy Ben leapt into looks like a car salesman.

"Did you just refer to Einstein as 'Al'?" "Yeah, that means I'm cooler than you."

And Ben looks like he crapped himself.

"Okay, we're at the library that looks like Church."

"Look, Ben, if you decided to quit everytime Ziggy tells us there was a murder coverup in the original history, we wouldn't have a show."

I legitimately would not be surprised if it turns out people were lying and Hannah is actually a secret leaper.

"Is everything okay?" "Yep, totally fine, totally not gonna rip Ian's head off, what's a data breach?"

"Look, Ian, either you tell security what's going on, or I will be pissed."

At this point, just start throwing the books, maybe you'll get somewhere.

"Tell them to check the second floor. There, I did my job, I have a point in the show-" "Uh, I ain't going back into the Imaging Chamber, Ben fired me."

And Ben meets his replacement.

"Hi, Ben, I'm Tommy!" "(barely constrained look of resentment)"

"Look, I know Addison left you for me, but I went here in 2005, I know what I'm talking about."

"Wait, was it this wall, how do secret passages work again?" "Dude, what the fuck?!" "In my defense, I drank a lot!"

Oh, shit, I have that clock in my living room.

"Okay, if I were Albert Einstein... (fucks with the clock)"

And she has a Zippo, I'm starting to piece together how she died in that building fire...

Oh shit, a guy's doing jazz hands.

"Look, I don't care if you have a knife, you ain't getting in here!" "OH YEAH?! (shoves open door; causes a fire)"

[We are already lagging...]

[How many people are aware that M&Ms did a sequel to that ad a few years ago?]

Ben, you had a cane, why didn't you immediately clock him in the head?

"There, we got the journal, and we decided to not leave they guy behind to die in the fire for some reason, we are doing alright." "Ben, he killed Lawrence." "Okay, back into the fire he goes."

And there's the Nazis.

"Operation Paperclip": AKA, "The Governement wanted to make NASA, but didn't have enough scientists."

I don't know why, but the orange glow, plus the Kate conversation, makes Tommy look like he aged 30 years, I have to imagine that was deliberate.

"Oh, it's incredible, Einstein's journal fucking rules…"

So, what's the over/under on that journal getting burned?

"I studied Greek, it looks like Einstein was having a stroke…"

"If this works, it'll change the world." So, what's the over/under on that journal getting burned?

"Ben, that code will fucking break the world, it makes bombs." So, what's the over-

"Look, I don't care if you're Raymond Lee, but this is important science, I'm taking it with me-" "OKAY, FUCK IT, I'M BLOWING MY COVER, WE MET IN 1947!"

Okay, I meant that as a joke, I didn't expect Ben to actually do that, hot damn…

"Ben, stop breaking the rules!" "Fuck outta here, bitch boy!"

"I fucked up an Einstein quote, that's how you know I'm Raymond Lee!"

"Look, are you familiar with a guy named Samuel Beckett?"

"The most romantic bit of physics". Meanwhile, Addison flushed her ring.

"How long are you here for?" "My guess, I'm gone the second we burn that journal."

Uh oh, misogyny.

"Okay, I gotta dip, keep this." "Okay, cool. Zippo time!"

"Rachel, our secret shit fucked up the Project, I'm about to have a panic attack."

"What do you need?" "I need a data patch?" "That will cost me my job." "Again, panic attack-" "Ian, I was gonna say yes regardless."

"Hey, you wanna be a Nazi scientist? Let's take a trip to Glasgow! (slashes face)"

Oh, shit, the bald guy was the bad guy?!

"Ben, I need you to punch that bald guy, he's a Nazi."

"…um, I can't reproduce shit?" "… … …so, you know I'm a Nazi, eh?!"

[Annnd TEXT LIMIT!]

[ahaaaoootblooded]

ok liveblogging or whatever smash rewatch (ep 3 only) while smashed. you get it right ywwwwwwahoooooo

megan hilty i'd do anything for you by the way

seriously why do they make derek so stupid i never understand that no way he listens to karen and he's like yeah she has a better marilyn you're joking right now

derek's accent dayummmmm

the sudden cuts in the first few episodes are hilariously bad why didn't they keep it man the awkward silences were gold

this website i'm watching it one is slow as hell

gonna kms if this buffering website makes me skip over a scene that has tom in it i will never forgive it

EWWW MICHAEL EWW WEWEWEEWWWWW

omg bruno mars music mention listen to silk sonic guysss please

ughh michael no way derek watched this-- actually no you know what with his shit taste i can absolutely believe he looked at michael and was like yeah i need this guy in my musical. the hell

ugh i forgot his last name is swift of all things

TOMMM TOM TOM TOM TOM LEVITT I LOVE YOU TOM

YEHEEEEE TOM

I LOVE YOU TOMMMM TOMMM TOM TOMTOMOTMMTMTM

HIS FACE WHEN JULIA SAYS SHE SAYS SHE LIKES DEREK TOM I WOULD KILL PEOPLE FOR YOU

his eyes are so fucking blue

forgot how weird it is to me sometimes when cborles hair is flat-ish and not fluffy. not to say i hate tom's hair like sometimes i love when it dose the bouncy thing but i like the fluffy hair more

mikeyy swift has a wife and kids michaelll you stupid cunt. and you too julia YOU BACKSTABBING BITCH

omg it's the kid whos annoying from community

i don't get ellis' charcter. like i can't get mad at him it's just confusing to me

julia i literally don't like you.

misster and mrs smith merely the folks next sdoor

strawberry ran out man plum tastes like shit

hey in my fucking country 200 dollars a week is a lot karen

omg derekkkkk. you're accent is so lovely

GANDA NIYONG DALAWA DIBA like not as a ship i feel nothing pero seperately like you're both gorgeous to me

ok i take back feeling nothing toward ellis i'm pissed he took julia's note book but also naiinisan ako kay julia so i can't be entirely angry at him yan nga lang kasi

what the hell am i watching

tf why are you showing us michael and his family and friends and kids that just makes me more angry about him and julia and the whole thing. frank deserved better 2023

so funnaaaay this affair was totally avoidable you empty headed fucks

suck my dick don't ask about her family and don't entertain his quesitons you guys are both stupoid

STOP STANDING NEXT TO EACH TOHER

'YOU SMELL GOOD' GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHUT UP BRO

omg eileen and alcohol i haven't reached it yet but i am looking forward to that bartender dilf guy

those earrings look like shit

mahal kaya ng 50 dollars dito limang libo yan dito ah

TOMMM TOMTOMOTMMTMTOMMM I LOVE OYUUU

I TLOVE YOU TOM

YOU'RE SO CUTE TOMMM I LOVE YOU TOM YOU'RE SOO OSO OSO SO SO O CUTE

oh hes angry!!!! angry face

hehehehehe

stfu julia you know nothing about goodf decisions

OF COURSE YOU'D SAY PEOPLE JUST SLEEP TOGETHER IN THIS BUSINESS AND DON'T JUDGE YOU CHEATER. CHEATER

ok not gonna lie she looks decent with this outfit for once

i truly genuinesly don't give a shit about this rivalry going on between julia and ellis. seriously

idk ellis actor giving cunt. like by that i mean he's being a cunt and i mean that in a good way

hadc to answer a time pressure survery in the middle of watching i am so sorry to the students receiving my paper its[' probably fucked up and wrong in grammar and answers soo sorry

what the hell is this country song. listen it's not that i don't like country i like some but this is just sad

i'km not american or rednecked (whatever that means i still don't get it actually) so i have no fjcking ida what shes one about right now

love you ivy lynnnnnn i mean you're mean to kayn but i'dstill treat you right personally

stove my ass derek i'dve brought her home the second she asked girl

boyl an eig that accent tho

MEGAN HILTY YOUR SMILE LIGHTS UP THE ROOM

TOMMMM HI TOMM SMILEYS WILDE

SING SOME MORE HEHEHEHEHEEE

wish he had a lrgit duet with megan hilty

sorry to debra messing but i would've actually died if he did the right regrtets but wiht megan hilty

Tom you're so pretty i love you tom tommm tomtomtomotomtmmm

tom you're SO GYAUYYYY GAYYY YGAY GAY YOU QUEER YOU'RE SUCH A QUEER

GAY AS HELL

TOMMMMM MOTMO TMMOTOTMMTMMM

THE GASP HIS GASP GUYSYSSS\

toms eyes rolling to the back ofhis head iilwlmm gonna die

bruh i would never. fuck yo guys i'm would never cheat on frank brin d'arcy james chemistry teacher singer. never ever ever

WAIT I CAN PLUG THE WAIITIIITI

https://www.tumblr.com/ahaaaoootblooded/712838762060775424/have-you-listened-to-brian-darcy-james-singing?source=share guys listen to that thanks its the right regrest by brian darcy hames

karens generally meh to me but that's real i'd kill to be a chorus oerson on broadway even once that'd killl\

i don't understand what the ywant me to feel like karen like seriously\

so funny to me when we never ever see thiese friends of karen ever so funny man

ok i hate michaerl but not gonna lie mr and mrs smith is ok actully. not groundbreaking but it'sgood to me

LOVE YOU MEGAN HILLTYYYY LOVE YOUUUU

lol the joe dimagio outfit i don't know what joe actually looks like btw but so hilarious to me in the polay

OMMGMMGMMGMGM BRIAN DARCY FEATURE I LOVE YOU D'ARCYYYYY LOVE YOPUUU

julia you're so annoying

BRIAN I LOVE OYUUUU

FRANK FROM NBC SMASH I LOVE YOUUUUU

TOMMMM I VLOE PYJUIUYUTUOSDFUOIADUFOAJSDOIASOIJ

TOMMMM I LOVE YOU TOM I SERIOUSLY NEED YOU

omg he knows hes watching that recording knowing things

HI BRIAN DARCY JAMESSS AGAIN

love you megannnn love your voice

so 2011 ivy what are you wearing

UGH DON'T LOOK AT EAHCH OTHER YOU"RE RECORDING AND JULIA HAS A WIFE AND KIDS

ok thats okk

[chaos0pikachu]

not to be a bi bitch on main except sure why not but when ppl talk about “hey it’d be cool if there was more diversity in queer fiction that wasn’t all about The Gay Experience/Struggle and were more genre based” and then ppl are like “watch she-ra/steven universe/owl house/kipo” 

like

look I’m not hating on those shows, it’s fucking dope kids have those shows in their docket now and anything that pisses off homophobes is a win imo but I have no interest in watching a kids show. I know these shows are good! I’m not saying they’re bad!! But I have negative zero interest in watching children’s cartoons. Like hell I rewatched Avatar and you do have to wade through some Children’s Jokes, which is fine!! It’s expected b/c the audience is kids!! 

(also the fandoms for these kids shows are almost always batshit wildin’ out and I want no part of all that shit) 

I want genre shows for adults that are also queer - which is why I fuck with a lot of international media lol like yeah there’s Sandman and Our Flag Means Death which is dope we’re making strides there. But I’d like more of that, I love Kinnporsche b/c it’s “what if someone smashes a Scorsese movie with the gay agenda” do y’all know how fun and refreshing that is? As an Older Queer like, I grew up with nothing but a lot of Sad Gay Films or a lot of Gays for Comedy. So I am really glad kids cartoons are so much more queer positive but like, I aged out of that stuff years ago. 

I’m still waiting on my bisexual dragon riding princess rescuing her beautiful female knight story but until then I’m gonna fuck with fantasy danmei novels b/c those gays are on some other shit and I love every second of it

[passiveagressivepoet]

season eight episode one thoughts as i’m watching:

my god give athena a break

this episode is reinforcing my belief that buck has an ED OKAY ALRIGHT stick out the theory with me

also buck looks so pretty i love

eddie girl… it’s giving mental breakdown not the mustache

not to be an absolute hater BUT IF YOUR CAR IS COVERED IN BEES UNEXPECTEDLY… at least manually flip your vents closed

my allergic to bees ass WOULD HAVE SIMPLY LAUGHED AND ACCEPTED DEATH

not the 22 million lmao

“ladies and idiots” literally eat shit and die gerrad imma kill you

DUMBASS HOW ON EARTH DID YOU NOT INITIALLY CLOSE THE VENTS

okay the airway obstruction i’m gonna throw up LMAOOOOOOO

the way this entire window is making me itchy my fucking god i wish i could afford an epipen LMAOOOO

i am 100000000000% going to hell for how hard i laughed at the beenado line

also wtf is KP duty tf

stop why am i crying over the chris facetime i’m gonna kms HAHAHAHAH not the buddietommy moment

google search for eau de parfum vs parfum

okay i’m sorry the assistant jumping into the pool is the only single smart person in the entire beenado

also someone PLEASE TELL ME HOW ABSOLUTELY NO ONE SAW THE ENTIRE TENT COVERED IN BEES… like what the actual fuck… i can’t jesus

no exactly i’m sorry why are we calling the LAFD in without beekeepers… god forbid literal BEEPEOPLE do their jobs

i’m sorry my cat just shit bombed me i’m gonna DIE GOOSE THAT POO WAS SO STANKY

okay not to be a hater but young athena looks absolutely nothing like actual athena lmaooooo

oh no not a desert scene i’m SCARED

omg please leave athena alone pleASE LEAVE HER ALONE SHE BETTER NOT GET HURT

okay the trunk scene is so slay… “you’re the only cop i can trust” LITERALLY I HATE YOU DENNIS

also goose’s poo is still so stinky and now i want pebble ice

ALSO ICE CREAM YOU ARE RIGHT PHONE

i can’t with athena getting almost merked and bobby literally being on a film set with catered lunch… girl no you’re kidding me LMAO

“buckwad” gerrad i will literally fucking kill you AND THE POUT COMMENT, hell yeah buck not the ptsd dissociation NOOOOO WHY DIDNT YOU LET HIM GET DECAPITATED BOOOOO BUCK DONT DO UR JOB

oh no why tf are they doing another large crash to athena PLEASE LEAVE HER ALONE

and the episode ends there THATS CRAZY JUST GIVE ME A THREE HOUR EPISODE

no one asked for this put *smashes post button*

[sublimecatgalaxy]

OMG CAN YOU DO AN ENEMIES TO LOVERS W BILLY HARGROVE?

Sure bestie, my favorite trope- hell yeah. This isn't completely proofread since I am sleepy but I think it's pretty good!

Trigger warning with this one: Violence and talk of abuse.

The loud shrill of my phone ringing beside me has me jumping beneath my covers, my crusty eyes cracking open to stare bitterly at the device. With no effort at all, I reach out, grabbing it without hesitation and I hold it to my ear with a huff.

"Who is this and why are you calling me in the middle of the night?" I sigh, rolling onto my back as annoyance riddles my body but the minute I hear a shuddered breath, I pause, a shiver running down my spine. "Hello-"

"It's Max." She mutters, clearing her throat before taking in a shaky breath. My brows pull together even more in confusion at the clarification, her announcement still not answering as to why she could possibly be calling.

I help her occasionally with school, being an older sister-type of friend to her, especially given her shitty excuse for a family. But we got closer through the 'group'- a complication of all of our different moods and personalities bringing unusual friendships out of all of us in the process of saving our town and the world.

"What's up Max?" I ask, sighing quietly into the warm air of my room, my eyes watching my fan spin incessantly on its track and I begin to notice a ticking noise that it's creating- fuck I need to fix that.

"It's Billy- I know you hate him, but I don't know what to do. It's my fault- I went out for a bit and Neil went crazy." Neil? Billy's dad?

I gulp, my mind wracking through different thoughts of what she could possibly mean but, regardless of what it is, I'm out of bed and slipping into a pathetic excuse of an outfit. I'm out the door, telling Max to wait and stay safe, my hands shaking as I sneak quickly past my parents and out into the cooler air.

My gut swims with nausea as I pull up to Max's house, my eyes dragging over the small Suburban house. I would do anything for the redhead, she's like my sister but Billy? Doing anything for Billy was a bit of a stretch outside of my comfort zone.

But for Max?

Anything.

I can see the small girl in the doorway as I shut off my car, my eyes noticing the empty driveway and a sense of relief fills me. I hug my arms tightly around my waist as I adjust the t-shirt that drapes over my body.

"C'mon." She ushers me quickly into the house as I take a deep breath, looking at the glasses that are smashed on the kitchen floor, my lips parting in quiet shock.

"Max, what's going on?" I ask, feeling her tug my arm and drag me past the livingroom and down into another hallway. My brows are pulled tightly together as she sighs and stops in front of a door, her eyes dragging over it anxiously.

"He's gonna be mad- just ignore him." She gasps, pressing a hand to her chest. Her eyes look up into mine with trust- wide and scared- and her eyes flutter shut after a moment. "Neil is a dick and Billy and him push each others buttons. Tonight went too far and there's too much blood- shit- I just need your help. He won't let me near him."

"And you think he'll let me?" I chuckle bitterly, my heart racing in my chest as I think about the state that Billy's in behind this door, if he's crying- broken even. It's difficult to imagine, especially since he's completely insufferable most of the time and arrogant beyond belief.

"You're hot. He appreciates looks- please just do this." She laughs but it's wavering, her smile cracking as I bite nervously at my lip, nodding my head without another word and I allow her to open the door.

Before I'm completely in the room, she shuts the door behind me and the noise startles the man in front of me, Billy's eyes lifting to land on me. His eyes convey confusion but his tight jaw and squared shoulders give off nothing but anger- anger I'm suddenly fearful of.

But before I can be consumed with fear, my eyes spot the bruises littering his cheeks, the dried blood beneath his nose and puffy lips and the hand prints splayed across his neck. He looks physically broken though trying his best to appear as strong as he can be- like a kicked puppy bearing it's teeth to scare away a predator.

"Before you say anything- Max called me, it's almost two in the morning and I drove my ass here." His lips that were previously parted in unspoken words now close at my words, biting his tongue with a bitter scoff. "I am not here for you, I'm here for her and she is scared out of her mind." My shoulders relax after I say my full speech, the words like water flowing from my lips as his eyes track carefully over me.

"If you say a word of this to anyone-"

"My ass is grass- ya, I know." I laugh, walking over to sit down beside him on the bed. He huffs out a breath and lifts the washcloth in his hands to his nose that still bleeds.

"Nice nightgown." He snorts, my eyes rolling in annoyance as he looks over at me, groaning and reaching up to hold his ribs as he laughs. I know the last thing he needs is for someone to baby him, to emasculate him anymore than he's already been tonight- so I go along with the teasing.

"Yeah? Nice shiner." His eyes widen but not in anger, more in the fact that he's impressed, his smile fanning out into a toothy, bloody grin.

"Oof, right for the heart." He gasps, his face twisting up in pain but he doesn't lose his grin, my smile appearing almost before I can stop it. He's much more relaxed when he's vulnerable like this- trying to cover up his insecurities and the truthful sadness of the situation that is his home life.

"You've got one of those?" I ask, genuinely too, and he pauses, his breathing slowing down and lips tugging down a bit. He knows I mean it jokingly to some extent, that I'm trying to take the tension off- but there's sadness behind his tired eyes.

But after a moment or two, he cracks a laugh, his curls falling in his face. "Fuck you." He says warmly, no ounce of malice behind it as his eyes find mine once more. "So, are you gonna nurse me back to health, sweetheart, or just bully me?"

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi

@crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the-heart @vampviolets@haylee-e@popehaywardssecretgf @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife @smoke-and-fire @officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @smoke-and-fire386 @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr @aaaaslaaaan @minjix @luvrosee @storytellingwitht

[lemonlurkrr]

@aureateart​ ok. My favourite parts of twilight princess  (and some other random thoughts about TP sprinkled in there) taken from my monster TP word vomit google doc :

Link lmao

Ok but for real, I like this incarnation of Link :)

I love Ordon (it just seems like such a chill and cozy village)

ALSO love how easy it is to interpret Link as being a sort of older brother figure to the Ordon kiddos. It’s just,, super cute? AND GHHH nice nice good thanks nintendo for giving me characters to care about/characters that I can imagine Link caring about

He didn’t sign up for any of this (tbh, none of the Links really signed up for this jshdjsd). But I mean like, dude was just going to take a trip to castle town, drop a gift off for the royal family, and come back. But haHA oopsies he did get to castle town eventually but definitely not the way he expected hsjdhsd

He’s just a little dude?

AND FUCK. HE REALLY HAD NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE OF ORDON UNTIL ALL OF THAT

everything is new for the player AND Link

Midna

She’s cool :)

she really just

*teleports into your jail cell* hello whore.

I am no master at writing but AYYYY she do got a character arc!!!

She was actually pretty helpful sometimes, I ALWAYS checked in with her before turning to a game guide

Other NPCs

NICE

Love all of the TP character designs (ASHEI’S ARMOUR??? AOWOAOAOOAO)

Saving Zelda and all of Hyrule was important yea but thinking back maybe it was more like, the Ordonians and the kids were what was pushing Link to keep on going

I like the Resistance members :) Very video gamey of them to have one NPC assigned to each dungeon but hey!!! Kinda cool getting to see a little glimpse of each of em

Idk, it’s just fun to imagine Link popping into Telma’s bar after each dungeon and taking a little rest :) (or to celebrate? maybe just chat, idk, give this man some downtime!!)

Honestly it was just kind of nice that Link wasn’t entirely alone. I mean, I know Midna was there the whole time, but I am always for giving Link a big group of friends (see my love for hyrule warriors, age of calamity, and LU LMAO)

Hero’s shade, very very cool, kinda sad he died with regrets but HEY. He got to pass on his knowledge eventually

AND the connection to OoT?? AND assumed to be related by blood too????? GOOD SHIT

Ilia, I REALLY really wanted to like her (er, it’s not like I dislike her, she’s just,,, kinda there for me).

It definitely seems like Nintendo was pushing to make her the romantic interest, but GHHHHH they really threw that out of the window for me by having her lose her memories

I saw a text post a while ago that said it would have been interesting if Ilia was Link’s sister instead and YES!! That would have been cool too :0

Wish we got to know Zelda a little more

I feel like we barely know anything about her

Idk man, like I said earlier, I never really had any sort of drive to save Zelda during my playthroughs

She obviously knows Midna, so maybe if they gave us just a little bit more of that relationship I’d be more interested in her?

TP WORLD BUILDINGGGG

Botw has good world building too, but each race felt kinda,,, isolated? I absolutely love the different architecture and vibe each town has (and all the the weapons too) but ghhh yea everyone felt so separated. As far as I can remember, we don’t see tooo much of the races interacting with each other? Now that I’m typing that out maybe that’s to be expected because of the calamity but KLSJDKJFD ANYWAYS THIS IS ABOUT TP

The world feels nice and alive, love how populated everything is

Castle town I like castle town a lot, it feels dense and busy and I really like how you can’t talk to every NPC you see

Very cool very fun that we got to see the Gorons hanging out in multiple spots

kinda wish we got to see the Zoras a little more (I guess they are a bit limited since they need water but GHHHH the tp zoras are so prebby,,)

BUT HEY, I do remember seeing a zora or two hanging out in the hot springs around death mountain after beating the lakebed temple (I think, might have been a different dungeon) 

but aaaa would have been nice to see them in at least a couple of other places. I think it would have really added to the “congrats Link!! You’re restoring peace to Hyrule” feeling you get from seeing the Gorons hanging out in Kakariko and Castle Town

ORDON

Love how chill it is and how it’s kind of separate from Hyrule proper

They really do seem to be doing their own thing apart from the rest of Hyrule

Just kinda adds onto the “he’s just a regular dude minding his own business” kind of vibes I get from TP Link

Also I like Ordona :)

THE LIGHT SPIRITS,,

Love their design

And love how they’re not exactly like a pure white?

Different spirit representing each aspect of the triforce my beloved

But yes hi I think Ordona is very cool

Who are you, how did you get here, which goddess do you represent? Do you even represent one of the three golden goddesses? Do the Ordonians know about you? Have any of them ever SEEN you??? Do they worship you? Does anybody even know about the existence of the light spirits?? FUCK so many questions but ghhh I like how they broke the status quo a bit by throwing in a fourth spirit :)

I feel like this one is kinda weird but I like that voice sample they used in the light spirit music. It’s spooky and pretty at the same time :)  

cutscenes mmmmm

Ok ok, the spooky lanayru cutscene is very good

BUT THE “Link, Chosen Hero! Lend us the last of your power!” CUTSCENE MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM LOVE IT SO MUCH

IT just

Idk man

It just hit different

I like the music

And seeing the light spirits swimming around in the light juice water whatever it is

Summoning the light arrows?

AND HHHHH “Lend us the last of your power!” THIS IS IT. This is the final battle.

Seeing Zelda bow down, and then Link putting his hand out 👌👌👌

Link: ok bud, let’s do this together :)

Connection to OoT (did I already mention this? Maybe., Whatever)

Very cool nintendo :)

I love seeing connections between all the diff zelda games.

Because like, on one hand, they’re all separate from each other because of yknow, individual hero stuff. BUT ALSO, they’re all connected because of the reincarnation stuff

Grrrr walking through the sacred grove and going “The Hero of Time walked around here a long time ago” FUCK THATS SO COOL

Is the Hero’s Shade watching me? What does he think of me? DIsappointed? Proud? The Hero of Time went through HELL so this timeline didn’t have to deal with any of the shit Ganon was gonna pull with the triforce, better not fuck this UP Link!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Midlink is cute

Kinda hurts that she smashed the mirror but that was probably so Nintendo didn’t have to worry about people going “but what about the twili??????” for any of the other games LMAO

BUT ALSO LIKE SKJDKLJFJ There are some pretty massive plot holes in TP anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whatever it’s fine we’ll just use this for angst because GOD do y’all like angst

So is Shadlink

Honestly don’t know where this ship came from but it’s cute so whatever

THE MUSIC??

Love Midna’s theme and how they referenced the dark world theme from ALttP (I remember trying to learn the dark world theme on the piano and doing the Leonardo DiCaprio point meme at the little jingle I recognized from Midna’s theme)

Hyrule field theme SLAPS.

Apparently references a couple of the other over-world themes from the previous zelda games (I got this from 8-bit Music theory’s video on the over-world zelda themes, he talks about TP at around 11:40 but def recommend watching the whole video if you’re into music analysis stuff)

So there’s this bit of the Hyrule Field theme, I don’t know the official name for it but I remember seeing somewhere it being called the “at an advantage theme” since yeah, you hear it during the boss music whenever you expose their weak points. FUCKINGGG LOVE THAT. Didn’t notice it during my first playthrough, but hearing it during my second was like a little easter egg for my ears every time :)

Midna’s lament is very pretty (and fun to play on the piano)

COURAGE THEME.

I didn’t care for it too much when I started playing the game but hearing it in ZREO’s arrangement of the Hyrule Field theme literally makes me turn into a puddle of emotions. Also hearing it around and of the Ordon kids (I think it plays after Link saves Colin) AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Orchestra piece #1 and #2 HOLY SHIT???????????????? 

Literally, the first time I listened to those I just,,,, plugged in my headphones, volume 100, layed on the floor/against my desk and silently vibed. I don’t know what the hell it is, but those two just fit so well with TP?? I still avoid listening to them nowadays cause if I DO I definitely will get overwhelmed with the “god I love this game so FUCKING MUCH” kind of feels.

Wolf link sucks at singing

the first time I heard him howling Zelda’s Lullaby I lost my shit because LKSJLDKSGLKJFSKG god that was.,, Bad. Anyways, hearing him howl some of the songs from OoT was cute :)

TP STAFF ROLL??? 

VERY GOOD. IT’s like 10 minutes long and GOD do I love every single second of it. It doesn’t have the same energy as the skyward sword staff roll or the orchestra pieces but GOD does it hit good??

Nice and calm after that big exciting adventure. Maybe it would have been more fun or emotional to have a higher energy piece but it was really nice getting to sit back and watch the camera fly around Hyrule. Seeing like, the Gorons and the Zoras having a good time, the kids returning to Ordon? GOOD SHIT.

and AAAAA that end, when you hear the main Zelda theme and see Link riding off out of Faron woods on Epona… good shit. It gets you thinking, where the hell is he going? What is he doing? Off ot do more adventuring? Going to help out the resistance or something? Going to help Zelda? Or maybe he’s trying to figure out a way to restore the mirror of twilight? Whoooo knows.

hhHHHHhhh it’s just that final reminder that YES!!! YOU JUST PLAYED A ZELDA GAME. JUST ANOTHER STORY APART OF THE WHOLE EPIC OF THE ZELDA SERIES AS A WHOLE

I also want to acknowledge the instrument/samples they used for all the twili stuff.

They’re all just so unique and contrast SO well with the rest of the TP OST. LIKE FUCK!! Anytime I hear the screech from the Twilit Kargarok? Sends a shiver down my spine. I associate those sounds SO strongly with the twili realm. (Like, the same way you associate the BSHEWW VVWWMMM sounds with light sabers)

I love it so god damn much

literally any time there’s a certain sound or motif associated with something I lose my shit

Sacred grove sacred grove sacred gro-

lovely lovely lovely so much fun playing that on the piano. AND again, I did the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme when I heard the theme from the lost woods come in GHHHHHHHH

shoutout to TP Faron Woods for helping me study and get through all of my schoolwork

BLEGUUHHH can you tell that I really love music?

and also yea I guess TP is kinda cool too :\

IF YOU READ ALL OF THAT THANKS I GUESS

[lothricknightgirl]

Document No. 887, filed in Major-Department No. 19, Jurisdiction: Sub-Department No. 19-A

How (not) to make a good impression

If you're reading this, you've just joined sub division 19-A, and have found this document in what used to be my office.

You sorry bastard.

I'd say that I feel bad for you, but dead people don't have feelings to feel bad about, so I'll just skip ahead to the useful bits to hopeful'y keep you more alive than I am at the moment.

Firstly, let's just get this out of the way.

This company is going to kill you one day.

You may ask yourself, "How? This is an administrative service company!"

Wrong.

This is more companies than you have teeth, smashed together into one gigantic Frankenstein monstrosity.

PMCs, tax companies, fucking whaling companies, you name it, they're in here, this one gigantic building, somewhere, somehow.

This place is literally infinite.

Nobody knows how they did it.

Hell, nobody even knows who 'they' are.

All you need to know is that this place is the furthest thing from an administrative services corp, and if you want to make it out of here with your limbs still attached, you're gonna need to listen.

There aren't any visible set rules here. Oh, make no mistake, there's an entire goddamn web of rules, they just don't put them up anywhere for people to see.

Breaking any of them is liable to get you skinned, dipped in acid and fed to lions. In that order.

So, to avoid that, you need to make a good impression.

Well, you're shit outta luck there, these people have hearts of fucking iron and aren't impressed for anything short of killing an entire pod of baby seals without shedding a tear.

I can't help you with that, but what I can do is tell you how to not not make a good impression.

AKA, how not to fuck up and meet a grisly fate by pissing off the Directors.

#1:

Do not screw with Director Sol.

The last guy that did?

I spent an entire month scraping him off the ceiling.

If you have to go out of your way to keep him happy, do it, because nobody is coming to get you if you piss him off.

#2:

Okay, Mergers and Acquisition? Yeah, stay far, far away from there, unless you want to end up spliced with an octopus. Yeah, the Mergers part is literal, Acquisition is just whoever they end up poaching for the day.

Sidenote, do you know how hard it is to move around with tentacles?! REALLY DIFFICULT!

#3:

The Cafeteria is the only safe place in the entire building.

For the love of god, don't try to start fights in there. The employees might just kill you themselves to save you from Chef Maw turning you into tomorrow's lunch special.

#4:

Director Rudde is a stone cold bitch, and also the only Director in here you can trust.

Trust to manipulate you to her own ends, that is.

She isn't like the others in that she'll kill you for the sake of killing you because you pissed her off, but she'll kill you if you knowingly get in her way.

Not herself of course, she has people for that, but she won't go out of her way to be a dick like the others.

#5:

Speaking of trust, don't.

Not in here.

I know that you'll find friends, and people you might want to call friends, and that's fine, but don't trust. Never, not that.

Friendship's a word, trust is a very convenient chain for people stronger than you to tug on. Be careful with it, and don't give it out without some serious forethought.

#6:

Sub-Division 19-A, strictly, does not exist.

I don't know how.

I don't know why.

But nobody in here knows what it is.

I'm the only one here. There's one office.

It's not on any listings.

None of the directors know about it.

The assignment just popped up on desk one day, and now I'm here.

What I'm saying is, if you ever need to hide, do it here.

#7:

Never, ever, ever go into any of the doors on floor 1-A-13-B.

Never, you get me? Never.

#8:

Make absolutely certain that you file everything correctly. If you don't, you'll have the Librarian on your case, and she doesn't stop.

There's a cheat sheet in the cabinet below the one you found this in.

#9:

When asked what company you work for, you say Listings and Filing Corp MD-1A, and then drop it. Don't ever say another word about it. Cut off your own goddamn tongue if you have to.

And for the love of god, never ask why.

#10:

Don't be vulnerable, but don't be standoffish.

Don't be dickish, but don't be too friendly.

Don't try to tough it out by yourself, but don't try for as many people as possible.

This place is a tightrope slicked with burning fucking gasoline, and you have to walk that line really precisely, or the it'll swallow you whole.

That's all I can give you. Be careful.

Employee No. 17, Sub-Department No. 19-A, Major-Department No. 19, Listings and Filing Corp.

Prompt 2149

Write a short manual on the worst ways to make a first impression.

[strawberrymilkgeorge]

Part Ten. Faces

warnings: swearing, hate comments word count: 4.1k (not including pics)

behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

A/N: sorry its late!!!! this feels rushed but i was just too excited to get to some parts!!! also i have had some parts written out for SO long that they dont even feel cute to me anymore so im literally praying to every deity rn that you guys think its cute lmao anyway enjoy!!!!

**********

It had been about a week since Karl's slip up but everything was already more normal than Y/n had expected it to be. Of course, George, Sapnap and Quackity were all very understanding and gave her space while simultaneously reassuring her that she was safe with them. She fully believed it too, she knew she was safe with them and they weren't going to tell anyone her name.

The one unusual thing was now she had a heavy guilt, like someone dropped another sandbag in her stomach, every time Dream texted her. If the others knew, it was only fair that she tell him her name too, right? I mean, it's Dream. Dream! The boy who had quickly slipped his way into her life and, though she wouldn't admit it to Karl or Naomi, her heart.

But how? Does she just come right out and say it or wait until it gets brought up? She hadn't practiced telling anyone her name because she wasn't planning on doing it any time soon. Though, maybe she should have been seeing as she was going to see them all in person in a little over a month.

Regardless of the guilt, Y/n had other things to worry about today; Quackity was coming to visit. Karl had picked him up from the airport and the two of them spent all day catching up and doing who knows what but Y/n still hadn't met him. She was scared. She wasn't scared of Quackity, but scared because it was the first time one of her online friends would be able to put a face to her name and voice.

Y/n shuffled across her living room rug and reached for her phone on the coffee table, looking for some sort of distraction while she waited for them to arrive.

-

Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled, shaking her head as she threw her phone on the couch. Okay, he's right. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be great. It's just Quackity. If he said anything rude or annoying or anything she could literally just step on him like a bug.

A sharp knock on the front door of her apartment snapped her back into reality. She shook her limbs of nervousness as she made her way to the door, two familiar voices begging to be acknowledged from the other side.

"Let us iiinnn!! Y/nnn!!!!" Karl whined.

After countless times asking the same question, she finally convinced Karl that she was okay with him using her real name in front of Quackity. He clearly still felt guilty about telling the boys her name, asking her multiple times in different ways whether he should call her Y/n or Bugsy in front of the guest. She finally got it through his head that she didn't mind either way.

"Hold on!" she yelled back. She unlocked the door and swung it open to see Karl and Quackity. "So impatient."

"Holy shit, you are tall! Goddammit, I thought that was a joke!"

Y/n laughed shyly at the greeting, looking at Quackity like he was crazy. "Hello to you too. Tried to warn you, dude."

"Yeah but, damn! You're tall and attractive, what the hell?"

"Dude," she said with a warning in her voice. She thought the flirting on Twitter was funny, but in real life she got embarrassed easier and wasn't a fan. "I'm about to kick you out of my house before I even let you in."

This was weird, meeting Quackity before meeting some of her other friends. She loved Quackity, but she had known George much longer and Sapnap even before that. There was no problem with meeting Quackity, she just had no idea how to act since she felt like she hardly knew him.

"Am I allowed to tell people that you're hot?" he asked as he fell on her couch, Karl following right after.

"Quackity!" Y/n yelled, her face heating up at a compliment. "Seriously?"

Karl cackled and shoved Quackity. "Shut up, Alex! No, you're not allowed!"

"Sorry, is that compliment reserved for Dream?" He cackled at his own joke and Y/n's face heated up even more.

"I seriously will kick you out of my house."

"You wanna be flirty on main but not in real life?" Quackity scoffed.

"I'm not flirty on main, you are!" she laughed. "Seriously, don't."

"Okay, sorry, I'll stop," Quackity promised with a laugh in his words.

The three of them fell into easy conversation, mostly because Karl and Quackity were already comfortable around each other at this point. They eventually decided to go to the mall, just to mess around and do something.

*reminder: covid doesn't exist in this fic bc we only want happy things so ignore their masks :P*

Y/n frowned as she unlocked her front door, staring at her phone. She had been so happy with all the fans freaking out about the meetup so she looked at the trending list, expecting to see a flood of keyboard smashes and happiness, but that's not all she ended up seeing. BUGKARLITY was trending, so she scrolled through the tweets and was upset to see not all of them were positive. In fact, when she typed her name in the search bar, lots of the tweets using her name were rather mean.

A few that stuck in her head called her an attention whore and said that her friends only flirted with her because she paid them too. Who on earth would even do that? Some hurt way more than others but she tried to push them aside. It wasn't like this was the first time she had seen comments like this, but they had only gotten worse since her Minecraft date with Dream. She was worried it was cause more hate for her friends and the last thing she wanted was to be the cause of their own hate.

She typed several different messages to Dream, deleting them all after she reread them. She felt like she had to request the same thing from him in a different way. Maybe because she felt like his words meant more, even if he really was just joking like the rest of them. She decided to call him instead of texting.

"Hi!" he chirped happily from the other end.

"Hi, Dream," she said as her chest filled with something warm at the sound of his voice. "How are you doing?"

"Good," he dragged out the word. "How are you?"

"Okay."

"Just okay? What's up?"

"Um," she started, immediately forgetting the words she decided she'd use. "I just... would you mind, uh, not flirting with me so much on, like, Twitter and streams and stuff like that?"

There was a silence before Dream's frantically apologetic words came through. "Yes, of course, oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. If I had known I was making you uncomfortable, I wouldn't have—"

"Wait, no," she interrupted but he must not have heard.

"—said things like... oh gosh. Bug, I'm really sorry—"

"Dream!" she raised her voice, getting him to stop ranting. "You don't make me uncomfortable."

"Oh. Really?"

"Of course not. I actually think it's really..." Cute? Adorable? Endearing? "funny," she decided.

"Oh. Then why...?"

She sighed heavily and explained what she told the others. "So, yeah. I just don't want you guys getting hate because of me so I figure if you stop then... you know."

"Bug..." he said gently. "I'm really sorry. I promise you that I don't—none of us think those things about you."

"I know."

"No, seriously," he said, clearly not believing her. "You need to understand that I..." he paused. "I mean what I say. Always."

Always? she thought. There's a few things he's said that certainly he didn't really mean... like calling her cute?

"I don't joke around like that unless I want to. I wouldn't say things like I say to you unless I really, really, genuinely considered you a close friend and felt comfortable around you. And I do."

Her heart swelled. "Thanks, Dream. I just... maybe don't do it so much for right now? Online, at least," she clarified, not wanting to deprive herself completely of Dream's flirting.

"Yeah, if that's what you want, of course."

"Well, I don't want you to stop flirting with me but, yeah."

He chuckled. "Oh, you do like when I flirt with you?"

She hummed and changed the subject. "Did I interrupt you doing anything?"

"No," his teasing voice dropped and was back to his regular self. "I'm just editing the video we filmed the other day."

"Oh, the 'Minecraft, but you can't touch the floor'?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh," she said, not meaning to sound disappointed. "I'll let you get back to it—"

"No. I mean, you can stay on the phone. Unless you're busy."

She smiled and put her phone on speaker and set it next to her foot on the floor. "I was just gonna paint. So I can stay."

Before she knew it, almost two hours had passed of them sitting in comfortable silence, occasionally speaking to share something with the other before going back to their tasks. It was comforting knowing she didn’t need to speak constantly and could just hang out with Dream.

Y/n's phone rested on the floor next to her, Dream on speakerphone on the other end, only the sounds of his keyboard clicking letting her know he hadn't fallen asleep or hung up. She wasn't sure when they started doing this, staying on the phone even when they had nothing to talk about, but they had done it a few times before. They had talked on the phone and Discord many times but it was usually always with purpose, not usually this silently-enjoying-each-others-presence nonsense. Who was she kidding calling it nonsense, she enjoyed it an embarrassingly insane amount.

She repositioned so she was laying on her stomach as she finished sketching an image that was in her mind.

"Hey, you still there?" Dream asked softly.

"Yeah. Sorry, am I taking away from your sitting in silence time with George?" she joked.

Dream chuckled lightly. "Nah, you're more fun. I was just seeing if you ditched me for Karl yet."

"Nah, you're more fun," she mimed truthfully. "But I'm very focused on this drawing."

"Can I see it when you're done?"

"Don't expect too much. It looks bad."

"If you don't tell me what it is, I can't know how accurate or inaccurate it is."

"Very true..." she trailed off, holding the canvas further away to examine it all at once. She wanted the sketch to be perfect before she made permanent choices with paint. She enjoyed the serenity they maintained even when talking, voices low and delicate like they were keeping secrets but not quite whispering. "Are you almost done editing your video from the other day?"

"Sorta. I'm at the part where you and Sapnap almost died laughing because a ghast knocked George into lava and then Sapnap laughed so hard he fell into lava."

She chuckled, remembering the situation vividly. "That was so funny. The way George screams is so funny."

"Let Naomi know that," he mumbled, causing Y/n to gasp.

"Dream!" she laughed loudly and he joined.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's true though."

"Disgusting!"

A distant voice sounded on the other end and she assumed it was Sapnap. "What do you want for dinner?"

Dream responded with a soft, "Nothing, I'm good."

"Are you talking to Bugsy?"

He must have responded physically because the next sound was Sapnap's very clear, much more lively voice speaking directly into the phone. "Hi, Bugsy!"

"Hi, Sapnap!"

"Can you tell Dream to eat some damn food? This man literally hasn't eaten a single thing all goddamn day."

"Dream," Y/n scolded slowly. "Please eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"I'm not showing you my painting until you eat."

A door closed on the other end and she took that as a sign that Sapnap had left.

"I don't wanna see it anyway. It's probably trash."

"Take that back!" she gasped lightly. She looked at the canvas as she grabbed the first paint color and laughed. It was only a sketch and it was already trash. "Fine, then I won't go on the trip if you don't eat in the next ten minutes."

"That's punishing yourself too though."

"Who says I want to see you?" she asked.

"I never said anything about not seeing me being the punishment."

She had been caught. "It was implied."

"Sure it was."

"It's true though. Who says I wanna see your stupid face?"

He didn't say anything, but an incoming FaceTime call lit up Y/n's phone. A FaceTime call from him.

Her smile dropped. "Clay?"

"Answer it," his voice was lower and her heart started beating faster. Was he really about to show her his face to prove a point? Reveal his biggest secret that only a few close friends knew? To her of all people? She made sure she couldn't be seen in the small window and pressed accept, the voice call ending and the FaceTime call starting.

To her surprise, what came into view wasn't his face, but the logo of the hoodie he was wearing, the simple smile of his merch taunting her. She laughed, the anxiety slowly fading away as it was replaced with a heavy feeling in her stomach. Was she disappointed? Maybe a little, but he teased her into believing she would see him.

"Oh, wow! Dream face reveal! He looks just like his icon, no way!!!"

His chest moved up and down as he laughed, not moving the camera away. "You heard it here first, guys! You've known my face all along, the logo is actually my face!"

She laughed and returned to painting, not paying any more attention to her phone since he was now also showing his ceiling, a small corner of his monitor in frame but nothing else. "I mean it though, if you don't eat, I'm going to be so mad I won't even want to be friends anymore. Or you'll die from malnourishment before we get the chance to meet."

"I doubt it. I'm just not hungry."

"Whatever."

"Oh, hey, so you met Quackity today. How was it?"

"Very scary."

"Yeah?" he asked sympathetically, urging her to explain if she wanted.

"Yeah. But it turned out okay! He didn't act any different so it was fine. It was mostly just awkward. He's also so freaking loud. You would not believe how much louder he and Karl get when they're together."

"I can imagine. Aren't they doing a stream right now or something?"

"Yeah, I think so. I don't wanna watch though, I've had enough of them for the month."

Dream laughed. "How will you deal with them together for New Years'? It'll be for like two weeks."

"Who knows if I'll actually go?"

"Wait, what?" he asked abruptly, not even bothering to hide the disappointment in his voice. His keyboard stopped clicking and she could picture him staring at his phone as if looking at her. "Of course you're going."

"Not if you don't eat food! You have, like, 3 minutes to eat something until I officially am busy doing other things whenever the trip is."

Dream groaned and clicked a few things on his computer before the image on the screen became blurry as he walked through the house, still pointing it at the ceiling. She looked away again and kept painting.

"Quackity's really funny though," she continued. "It was super awkward at first but it was fun to have someone else to help me make fun of Karl."

"Wait, Bug," Dream called out over the sound of wrappers crinkling.

"Hm?" She hummed, continuing to paint.

"Bug," his voice was much softer and he sounded nervous.

She looked at her screen and dropped the paintbrush as she focused on what she saw, grabbing her phone and holding it closer to her face so she could see, still making sure she wasn't in view. All the anxiety from the beginning of the FaceTime suddenly came back and hit her like a truck. Sitting on her screen, waiting to be seen, was Dream. His hood was up, tufts of blonde hair sticking out, and he was standing with his back towards a dark room, the dim light from his pantry making his face just visible.

He held up a cookie in front of his actual, real face. "Are you watching?"

"Y-yea... I... Yeah. I'm watching. Is that really you?"

He nodded once before shoving the cookie in his mouth. "There, I consumed food," he announced, his voice muffled by the cookie. "Now you're legally obligated to come."

"I—What? CLAY! WHAT?"

"What?" he asked innocently as he chewed, walking back to his room and still holding the phone up to show his face. His room light was on, making his face much more visible. If Y/n thought he was attractive in the harsh pantry light, he must have looked like a god in his room lighting, even as pixelated as he was due to the quality of FaceTime. He fell on his bed and Y/n could only gape at his features. He slumped against his headboard, surrounded by roughly a thousand pillows, sporting a small, shy smile as he stared at the screen. "Bug, what?"

She opened her mouth but no words came out. Needless to say, he was unbelievably handsome. Part of the speechlessness was from the shock that he showed his face out of the blue, but obviously, the majority of it was that he was pretty much the most attractive person she'd ever seen. It should be illegal for someone to look that good in a hoodie, especially when pixelated.

"Hmm," he hummed thoughtfully. "Wanna take back what you said earlier?" He bit into another cookie.

"W-what did I say earlier?" Why was she stuttering???

"You said you don't wanna see me and that I'm ugly," he teased.

She paused for too many seconds too long before finally muttering, "you arrogant son of a bitch." He laughed loudly at that.

His eyes crinkled and he threw his head back. So that's what he looks like when he wheezes, she thought to herself, pretty.

Dream shuffled his position on his bed and rested his head on one of his hands. He looked so comfy. "Why are you so quiet, weirdo?" he mumbled.

She set her phone back down and touched her cheeks with her hands and looked away for a moment, grounding herself to the real world for a second. She couldn't process her thoughts when she was staring at a man as gorgeous as Clay. "I don't know, maybe because you gave me no warning before showing me your face? Or because you failed to mention that you're incredibly hot?"

She was so glad she had looked back at her phone or else she would have missed the glorious sight of his cheeks turning bright red before he turned the camera back to his ceiling. "Oh my gosh."

"Aw cute, I made you blush."

"Shut up," he mumbled. "You threatened to not come if I didn't eat something!"

"You didn't have to—you showed me your freaking face just to prove you ate a cookie!! DREAM! I would have believed you if you just said you ate something!" she laughed breathlessly, staring at the phone now for a chance to see him again. "I was joking anyway!"

"Sure you were."

"I was."

"Well, oh well. You deserved to see me anyway."

"Oh, I deserve to see you?" She laughed. "How big is your ego?"

"You know what I meant," he groaned. "You got doxxed by Karl and you met Quackity in person. And you've clearly had a bad day because of all the hate and stuff. You've done a lot of stressful things recently and you deserved to be let in on a secret too."

He was so sweet. Like, tooth-rotting, Halloween candy stash hidden under a kid's bed, upset tummy sweet. She also couldn't get over the fact that he was a million times cuter when he was shy like he was being now, his voice soft and unsure. It contrasted vastly with the confident, loud-mouthed Dream everyone usually saw, though she liked that Dream too. She wished he could show his face for just one more second to see what he looked like shy. Probably sickeningly adorable.

This was it, wasn't it? The chance she had been waiting for to tell him her name? He just let her in on his biggest secret, now he was the one deserving to be let in.

"Y/n," she said with a confident, but soft voice.

There was a long pause. "W-what?"

"Y/n."

He understood the second time immediately. "Y/n..." he tested, the smile in his voice clear as day. "I like it."

"Yeah, well, I guess you deserved to know the secret too."

"I would have been content never knowing."

"Really?" She didn't believe him. He seemed like the type to never be satisfied, always looking for something better. Not in a greedy way, but in a motivational, goal-oriented big achiever way.

"Really," he hummed. "I already feel like you're too good to be true so I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't a real person."

It was silent as she tried to collect her thoughts.

"Bug? You okay?"

"Yeah, I... it's just a lot."

"Sorry."

"No, it's not you. Well... I don't know. I just don't know what I'm supposed to say when you say things like that," she admitted.

He paused. "I think you always have the perfect responses when I say things like that."

"What do I usually say?" She smiled shyly, pulling her hoodie up to her lips.

"You usually call me a nerd or say you can't stand me. 'Oh my gosh I cannot stand you'," he mimicked before laughing.

"What? How is that the perfect response to you saying you can't believe I'm real?"

He hummed and she could practically hear him shrugging. "Because it's a classic Bug response. It's a hundred perfect you. So yeah, it's perfect."

She was silent, trying to compose herself before she exploded.

"By the way, check Twitter."

"Why, are you bragging about me calling you hot?" she teased, hoping to make him blush like she had earlier. It worked.

"Oh my gosh, no. Just look."

She clicked her home button and navigated to the app, her feed instantly flooding with the same similar messages.

"Oh, my gosh," she muttered, her fingers flying away as she typed out her own tweet in response to the love.

Dream chuckled from the other end and when she asked him why, he vaguely said that George texted him but didn't explain further.

"Um, I have to go," she said mournfully. "Karl and Quackity are coming over again."

"Booooo," he pouted.

"Sorry, you aren't the only man in my life," she teased before instantly regretting her choice of words. Too flirty, Y/n, she thought to herself.

"Hm, shame. Am I at least at the top of the list?"

She bit her lips, wanting desperately to repeat what she had told him on their Minecraft date. In the end, she gave in. "I always mean what I say too," she started. "You're my main bitch, baby."

Dream made some sort of sound, a mix of a scoff and a whine but Y/n didn't comment on it, just glowing with heat in her cheeks.

"Leave before I don't let you," he said softly and the heat only grew.

"Goodnight, Dream," she pressed, the tone in her voice letting him know he was being a tease. "Thanks for... thanks for your tweet. And for everything you said earlier."

"Of course. Sorry that you have to see those kinds of things a lot."

"It's okay when I have people like you."

"People like me? What does that mean?"

"Just.... people like you." Cute, sweet, kind, genuine people who make her heart flutter.

She could hear his smile in his words and she figured he knew the unspoken words in her thoughts, the ones she was saying without saying. "Okay. Goodnight, Y/n."

"Goodnight."

**********

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[praisehoes-and-runovervirgins]

Chapter 3

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

---

You hold the last box of your belongings close to your chest and take a deep breath nervously pressing the button to your new home. Wow, that sounds weird. Sharing a home with the Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight. Your chest tightens. “God, I better not fuck this up” you mumble to yourself as the pent house suite door opens. Noah stands in clear view of the door as it opens. You walk into the apartment. “Y/N'' he yells at the top of his voice. “Where were you? I didn’t see you. I was worried, '' he said all in one breath. He wraps his arms around your leg and takes a deep inhale.

You look at him confused and put the box down. You have to tear him off you so you can kneel down to give him your daily bear hug. As you do, you notice his teary puffy eyes. You look at him puzzled then suddenly, almost like something in you woke up you panic, “Are you okay baby?” you grab him by the arm and turn him around manically looking for a source of pain. He doesn’t answer. You grab his leg and pull his PJ's up to continue looking for some sort of bruise, anything physical that would explain him crying. “He was crying cause he didn’t see you” a voice said walking past you and Noah. You look up at Liam grabbing a piece of fruit from the counter. His face looked disinterested. “He woke up and he didn't see you, he thought you left,” he said, rubbing the apple on his shirt. You lock eyes for a moment as you try to read into his expression. Fuck, he’s just like his dad, so hard to make out what he’s thinking. The sniffles coming from Noah make you break your eye contact. You look at him with wide eyes. “It’s okay Y/N. I’m okay. Please don’t cry. I just thought..” he jumps on you again, this time throwing you both onto the floor. “I’m not leaving Noah” you say, squeezing him tight. You didn’t even notice when your eyes were wet before Noah pushed back on you. He wipes the tears out your eyes. You smile at him softly. A few moments with Noah went on about how he’s so excited about your room and how it’s really close to theirs. Where’s Bakugou? You look around distracted as Noah goes on. “He’s upstairs” Liam says walking towards you with a napkin. He hands it to you and turns on his heel as he takes another bite of his apple. You sit there stunned, holding the soft piece of tissue in your hand. “Did you hear what I said?” Liam says, grabbing your face with both hands and then smashing his face into your neck. “Let’s go find your dad, yeah?” you say as you start to pick Noah up.

Bakugou is on the floor, legs crossed as he’s holding a piece of your unmade bed frame. He has his phone pressed against his ear and shoulder. “I already told you I don’t want to go on another date with her” he growled into the phone. “Well, that’s not my problem. I don’t care what the public thinks about us.” he says a little louder. “Daddy!” Noah says running, throwing himself on his back. “Hey buddy” Bakugou says, ending the call in one swipe of his finger and tossing it on his lap. “What were you talking about?” he says, gripping Bakugou's neck a bit too hard. “You're trying to kill me buddy” Bakugou says, letting out a quick laugh as he releases Noah's hands off his neck. They sit there laughing for a little. I love seeing them like this. It’s so different from how the rest of the world sees him. Bakugou looks at you leaning on the door and cracks a smirk. “Are you gonna come into your new room or what?” he says, turning around to face Noah again. You feel like the wind was knocked out of you when he looks at you even for a second. I’m going to have to live with this man. You got this y/n? You steady yourself and walk over to them. You kneel down on the floor next to Bakugou, “Do you need help? I am pretty helpful with these types of things” you say taking the piece of wood off the floor. “For starters, this was supposed to go in that thing” you say giggling. “Ah fuck” he says rolling his eyes. “HEY, WATCH YOUR MOUTH” Noah scolds him. You all break out in laughter. You spend the rest of the morning setting up your new bed set. You told bakugou that you could just use the one you had in your old apartment but he insisted on getting you a new one. You can appreciate all the things he does for you, since you’ve almost moved in he’s gotten you the best of the best; everything from fancy towels to new hair products for your hair type.

“We’re off to the park” Noah screams at the top of his lungs towards your bedroom at Bakugou. He wouldn’t be louder if he tried. But then again, look who’s his dad. He usually doesn’t raise his voice around me but when he does, oh boy is that grown man loud. The walk to the near park was one of the best, Liam actually was talking to you about his classmates and how one of them has been giving him problems. You try to come up with a plan of how to deal with it. “If I tell dad, he’s going to make a big deal about it. I already get enough attention as it is.” he explains when you asked why you haven’t told Bakugou. “Well, I’m happy to hear you out. I’m not as hot headed as your dad” you laugh. He cracks a smile as you put an arm around him as you’re walking. After a few moments Noah bust between you both and yells, “are you guys done talking? I want a hug too” he says scrunching up his nose. You hug both of them. Noah pulls you close, puts his hand on the side of his mouth and whispers, “without him please”. This child is going to be the death of me. You pick him up and swing him into your arms. “You’ll have to let me go, we’re here guys” you say as you put him down. They both run off in different directions. You sit there on a bench taking in the warm sun. I can honestly do this everyday. This feels like.. You’re stopped mid thought when your phone starts to vibrate. Oh, the alarm I set for earlier. Well might as well check social media. I haven’t had much time since moving. The first thing you look at is twitter, you follow a few of your friends and some popular celebs.

“Did you hear about Dynamite and his new girlfriend?” you overhear two women say as they walk past you and take a seat on the next bench. What? “Oh my god. They look so good together. I would die to trade places with her”. You sit still for a moment trying to gather your emotions. Who is she? Why didn’t he tell me he was dating someone? I thought. I-I don’t.. You grab your phone quickly, opening it and going to twitter again. You search up, “Dynamite and” and there it is. You stare at your phone for a bit. There she is, a beautiful tall slender blonde woman arm in arm with Bakugou. You sigh in disbelief pushing your back into the bench. Why does this hurt so much? Fuck. Why do I even fucking care? He’s not even.. “Hey, are you okay?” says a deep voice. You turn your head, noticing the very handsome man next to you. “Yeah” you say, taking another breath. “You don’t sound okay” he says looking deep in your eyes. His hair is black as night and his eyes are deep purple, you can honestly get lost trying to figure out how many different shades there are in them. “Yeah, I just got some news.. I wasn’t expecting it” you say shifting your eyes down and moving some hair out of your face. “I bet. Boyfriend?” He says as he watches your face carefully for a reaction. You let out a slight giggle before letting out a breath and bite your lip, “no”. The man and you sit in silence for a minute. Fucking hell. Why do I feel like shit right now? This hot guy is next to me and all I could think about is you wrapped around another woman. Fuck this.. You lay your eyes on the man again. He’s about Bakugou’s age with a very muscular build, he has a couple white stands in his hair, he’s beautiful. “Which one is yours?” you scooch over towards him. “The little one over there” he points at the kid playing with Noah. He stretches his arm to rub the back of his head, you can clearly see him clearly stretching his muscles. You almost laugh out loud. Trying a little too hard buddy. You both make conversation for a while. It doesn’t take long before He’s asking you on a date, you accept of course. Maybe seeing someone else for a couple hours will help me get over this.. whatever this feeling is. After a few more minutes Noah comes over to you all sweaty trying to hug you. “Let's go home” you say with a smile. I feel like shit but I can’t even show it. This kid can read me like a fucking book. Okay, put on a smile y/n.

A few days have passed since you saw the pictures of Bakugou and his “girlfriend’. When you came home that day, you couldn’t even look at him. Why the fuck am I acting like he betrayed me or something. I’m just the nanny. Get a fucking grip y/n. Still, you tried to avoid him as much as possible. When he walked into the room, you would walk out, you ate dinner in your room unless Noah asked you to stay with him and you tried everything in your power not to look at him in his eyes. You were butt fucking hurt to say the least. After a few days you get the courage to talk to him. You take a deep breath before knocking on his office door. “Come in,” he says lazily. He’s sitting in his chair facing his computer typing away. He stops and cocks his head over his shoulder to look at you. You can do this. You need to do this. “Do you need anything?” he says, turning his head back at the computer with his hands still on the keyboard. “I-I I won’t be home Friday night. I don’t know what time I’ll be back” you say almost in a whisper. “Oh” you’ve caught his attention now. He turns off the monitor and swirls in his chair to face you. Fuck fuck fuck fuck “I checked your schedule and I saw you work till about 3. That gives me time to..” you say waving your hand around like a child explaining something. “Yeah, that’s fine” he says, eyeing you up and down. You look nervous, like you have something you’re hiding. “Cool” you say, taking a deep breath as you turn on your heel about to make a run for it. “A date?” he says in a low deep almost bitter tone. I was so close. I WAS SO FUCKING CLOSEEEE “Yeah.” you say turning back around to face his him. “With that guy in the park?” He says looking you up and down almost like he’s looking for a reaction. “Yeah, How did you..” you look at him confused. “When you guys came home Noah told me that you were upset about something while you were in the park and this guy started talking to you,” he said, crossing his arms. Why do I feel like I’m getting fucking scolded. “Yeah, I was pretty upset about something" you look away from him. How can I say: Hey, I was upset that you're dating a blonde supermodel because… well, I don’t know. Also, please sign my check sir without sounding like a total psycho. You quickly snap out of that thought as he stands up and slowly walks over to you. You’re still staring at the floor as he stands in front of you. “Is that why you haven’t said a word to me for days?” he says in a low tone, still arms crossed but this time biting his top lip looking for your eyes. You slowly look up at him. He’s so big and muscular next to you. He’s also wearing your favorite outfit. Those sweats and tank top combo will be the death of me. Your eyes finally meet his. In this moment you’re lost in his eyes, the intensity that’s usually there isn’t. You can’t quite put a finger on what he’s thinking or this unknown expression plastered on his face. It feels foreign but nevertheless it knocks the wind out of you. You feel your heart rate increase. “No” you say after some time staring into his eyes. I don’t believe her. “Okay” he says with a sigh. “Okay” you say back to him looking away. Tears start to form in your eyes as you walk away from the office. You take a moment to catch your breath in the hallway and turn back towards his office. Your body almost moves on it’s own. Maybe I should cancel. I don’t even- I don’t want anyone- Before you can knock on his door again you get a twitter alert. “Bakugou and girlfriend were spotted kissing in the park two days ago” it read. The pictures in the tweet were bad, you can barely even tell if they were kissing or not but It still made your chest ache. Bakugou opened the door to see you squinting at your phone trying to zoom into the picture. “Change your mind?” he said leaning on the door frame. You jump up and step back, you didn't notice how close you guys were. “No.” you say looking him dead in the eye. “Why would I? I am so excited” you say with a broken smile.

Bakugou and you don’t speak for the rest of the day. You are both noticeable in a bad mood.. “What’s wrong with daddy?” Noah says to Liam as Bakugou stomps around the house while you’re hiding in your room. “He’s jealous,” Liam says looking at Noah. “I have a plan, wanna help?” he says, smiling at Noah. Noah gives him the same devilish smile back.

Taglist: @lil-miminini @bqkuho3 @xoxo-teddybear @candybabey @butterflyhallucations @sizzlingdonutturtlemuffin @hay-leeeah @speedmetalqueen @yourfavoriteblackfemweeb @bakucumsackslut @shipchild @nanamithecute

I'm so sorry it took so long but If anyone else wants to me on the tag list for the next one lmk :)