#am i really asking for so much
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Upsetting that being an adult comes with responsibilities and bills and I can't just spend my money on fun stuff I want to do or buy
#it fucking sucks#and i know ill have one loan paid off soon hopefully#not worrying about student loans bc fuck them tbh#but i still have my car and rent and the water gas electricity trash to pay for#and im sitting here like#i just wsnt to buy a book#get some new tea bc the ones i have are running low#learn new recipes so we dont eat ready meals for dinner every day#play a new game that looks interesting#am i really asking for so much
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#text#ocd tag#ITS SO MUCH WORSE WHEN I HAVW AN ACTUAL REASON TO CHECK SOMETHING#LIKE I AM GENUINELY REALLY BAD WITH MAPS#HOWEVER I HAVE ASKED THE FOURTH TIME IN LIKE TWO HOURS I THINK WE’RE GOOD NOW#ocd#peer reviewed banger
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i've been working on my next graphic novel! it'll be another sapphic romance. please look forward to it ❤️
#art#illustration#wlw#sapphic#i am also compiling iyhm asks as we speak!! thank you everyone for your kind words it really means so much 😭#i cant wait to share more about this couple too#tbata
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Grass is green, water is wet, and Jonathan Byers does not like Steve Harrington.
These are known facts in the universe.
Computers were going to take over the world, a “mobile” phone was being invented, and Steve Harrington had lost most of his hearing.
These were unknown facts--rumors even, if you will. Eddie had never seen even a grain of truth to support any of them.
(Well, maybe the computer thing, but only because Grant and Dustin both had made a couple of convincing arguments.)
So he doesn’t think about it, when his freshman gang up on him.
Doesn’t even factor the “can’t hear well” thing in, when he was tasked (demanded, whined, bitched and moaned at) with helping them explain to Steve why going to the release party of the new D&D box set, located at a hobby store only a mere 2 hour drive away, was important.
Eddie’s not even sure how the little shits got him to agree to do it until he’s standing in the parking lot in front of the former King himself.
“The store’s leading up to the release with a handful of one-shots.” He’s explaining, unsure whether to pull out the bored act or play up his court jester persona, and thus mixing and matching on the fly.
He does not care if Harrington doesn’t know what a one-shot is.
“They’re releasing the set at midnight. You have to be there to get it though, you can’t have someone else pick it up for you because they only got a certain amount in.”
Harrington’s frowning (no surprise) but it’s not until Eddie is well into his spiel about how his van is already full with the elder members of Hellfire, and thus has no room for the freshmen, that he realizes Steve isn’t quite looking at him.
Is in fact, looking over his shoulder.
Eddie stops. Follows Harrington’s gaze.
Parked across from Steve’s Beemer, is Jonathan Byer’s barely working clunker car.
A handful of steps in front of it, and thus nearly right behind Eddie, is the man himself.
His hands are still moving, mouth shaping words silent as he goes, his gaze locked not on Eddie or the kids--but on Steve.
Who turns back around as Harrington’s eyes slide right back to him.
“And this is taking place next Friday?” He says, in that sort of annoyed but resigned way parents aim at their children. “After school?”
“I’d like to go during school, but the freshmen insist you wouldn’t let them ditch out.” Eddie tells him. “They had two separate arguments about it.”
Loud ones, that had interrupted the game and given Eddie a migraine.
Once again Steve’s eyes slide away from him, to Jonathan.
“They’re not skipping school.” He says suddenly, a glare forming and Jonathan makes an annoyed noise.
“They argued about skipping, they’re not going to.” He says aloud, and finally steps up so that he’s next to Eddie instead of behind him.
“Munson slow down, I can’t sign as fast as you’re talking.” He adds, in the hang-dog grumble he’s notorious for.
Eddie stares at him.
“Can he seriously not hear me?”
“No.” Steve and Jonathan answer together.
“I can kind of still hear,” Steve adds, gaze returning to Eddie’s face. “But its more loud music or noises. I can lip read, but you’re also talking too fast for that.”
Without pausing, he turns back to Jonathan and says; “Why can’t you take them?”
“It’s Friday.” Byers deadpans.
Eddie’s not an expert on sign language, but his hands somehow looked deadpan too.
He’s not sure how Jonathan did that.
“So?” Steve snarks back.
What follows is an argument that Eddie is not, at all involved in, mostly because he’s too busy handling the fact that Jonathan Byers has learned sign language, for Steve Harrington, apparently, and given the tone the argument is taking they still don’t even like each other.
Eventually the argument ends, Steve throwing his hands in the air and demanding that Jonathan owes him.
(Eventually Eddie will corner the ever so quiet Will Byers and ask why the hell his brother learned sign language for someone he clearly fucking hates.
“Oh they don’t hate each other.” Baby Byers would say, in that shy, quiet way of his. “I think they’re actually friends now?”
“You think?”
“Well--you’ve seen them.” Will shrugs. “I think being mean to each other is kinda their thing.”
‘What the hell.’ Eddie would think, right up until he stumbled across one of the kids sign language books.
Byers the Elder, he decides, isn’t the only person who should learn sign language to chew out Harrington properly.
The pay off is immediate.
Or at least, the pay off of watching Steve’s shocked face the first time Eddie signs something vulgar at him is, anyway.)
#you can read this as#stonathan#or as#steddie#or as all three idc LOL#steven harrington#eddie munson#jonathan byers#I am once again back on my shit of Jonathan and Steve having THEE most antagonistic friendship#just constantly slinging insults and being low key mean to each other#and then Jonathan just casually signing the same way the party does to help Steve out once his hearing really starts to go#very much#“Youre a fucking dick and I hate you but also youre family and included”#eddie is BAFFLED#but is equally quick to jump on that bandwagon#0o0 fanfics#if asked Jonathans excuse as to why he learned sign language is so he can make sure Steve is properly hearing him talk shit about him#very “he needs to know hes wrong” vibes#Nancy and robin sigh very dramatically about it#Steve can actually read jonathan's lips the easiest/clearest and refuses to tell anyone that#but Jonathan somehow knows anyway
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Novice sewing pattern: Cut out shapes. Line up the little triangles on the edges. Stitch edges together. We've also included step-by-step assembly instructions with illustrations.
Novice knitting pattern: yOU MUSt uNDerstANd thE SECret cOdE CO67 (73, 87, 93) BO44 (63, 76, 90) 28 (32, 34) slip first pw repeat 7x K to end *kl (pl) 42 * until 13" (13, 13, 15) join new at 30 pl for 17 rows ssk 27 k2tog mattress lengthwise BO and sacrifice a goat to the knitting gods. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT "INSTRUCTIONS," I JUST GAVE THEM TO YOU
#knitting#no it's not a real pattern but I can't write one that makes sense because I have no freaking clue what any of that means#How do you make things that aren't basic rectangles#Why has every knitter I've asked for help just said 'patterns are easy; you just have to know how to read them' & then refused to teach me#Where do I even find a goat to sacrifice#How do I join the pattern cult#I am so confused#I've been knitting for almost a decade but I can only make scarves and potholders#I learned one (1) stitch by watching a YouTube video and none of my friends or family knit so I have no IRL resources#And nobody I meet seems to want to take the time to explain the rest to me#I taught myself to sew through trial and error but that doesn't really work with knitting because error is pretty much just... Unraveling?#Anyway sorry for the tag rant I'm just frustrated that I see pretty things I want to make but the instructions are in an alien language#And the gap between 'absolute novice' and 'intermediate' seems to be about 20 years of experience and formal instruction
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I'm really sorry and I know this seems really silly but. would it be possible for yall to stop sending me the Santa Claus supports the postal strike video?
I'm trying my best not to misplace my frustration and exhaustion to the people striking, but it's getting to be really hard to be asked for solidarity from a union that provides no support to the peripheral victims affected.
The people whose entire small businesses are facing hardships all the way to bankruptcy. The people who have their health cards, government IDs, passports in the unmoving pile of mail and no workable alternative.
From a logical viewpoint it's of no fault of the workers to demand what they deserve. I should know what direction to point my frustrations at.
From an emotional viewpoint, Santa doesn't need to pay for rent, food, or receive benefits in the mail, and all it does is highlight how little I and other people like me matter because hey!
Santa Claus knows the right thing to do, do you?
#sorry sorry i know this is probably really selfish but I am clinging on to every bit of guilt right now#at not being able to support causes I usually can#at not being able to send people their orders they've ALREADY paid for#at not being able to re-open the store despite people asking me for updates#This SHOULD radicalize me further but all it does is make me so much more tired and guilty over wanting my life to be back together
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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avenging spider-man #13
#good bedside manner: check your buddy is okay after you impaled him with a katana.#spideypool#not me. feral spideypooler. thinking it is so nice that peter asks wade if he's okay.#he has a healing factor. most people wouldn't ask if he's okay. but peter asks. and that's nice.#sci talks comics#i just really like these issues. i love how quick the flip is between wade having been hired to work against spider-man#to them just working together. and they're both so groovy about it.#like i don't know i really like that dynamic.#that peter doesn't see wade as a real actual threat to him at any time.#knows in his Core that wade actually never means him harm. i like to see that strange weird trust between them.#you never see that anywhere else.#just i REALLY like their dynamic HERE !!#yes i AM reading way too much into it !! but shut up!1 i based my entire personality on these two issues of avenging spider-man!!
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I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#abuse tw#i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant#i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing#but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse#i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him#again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others#if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile#i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse#my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes#so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about#if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*
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Do yall think sometimes Siffrin does normal human things that make sense but are deeply unsettling when you remember they dont remember their childhood. Like do you think Siffrin once woke up startled and shouted "Oh SHIT MY HOMEWORK" and scared Mirabelle who went to wake him up? Or they complained about not wanting to eat certain things cause it made them sick and their parents were upset about it when they were a child? Or they see a stuffed animal and buy it for Bonnie cause they wished they still had their stuffed animals when they were Bonnie's age? Or he sings a lullaby to himself when trying to fall asleep and Isa asks for its name and Siffrin just kind of shrugs and says it was what his mom used to sing for him? Just so normal and deeply ingrained but forgotten? Like I think that would be fucked up, yall think its fucked up? Also it would be mainly childish things cause ya fella ran away when they were a kid </3
#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#isat siffrin#I am THINKING!!!!!#Just the homework one really got me#maybe one time someone woke them up and they were disoriented and said something abotu being late for school#and they kind of laugh and ask home about it#and still half asleep he mutters something about how hes gonna be in soooo much trouble he hasnt been to school for years hes so late#and they kind of laugh about it but Siffrin keeps going and it gets increasingly clear something Happened to make him not able to go#And then they forget. They forget and suddenly the party knows more than they should.#YALL THINK ABOUT THIS???? I THINK ABOUT THIS!!!!
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Wearing your boyfriend's jacket
#for the anon asking who would wear it#any one of my characters WOULD wear it#its just a matter of how...#you dont understand my passion for fashion and what this means ok#it means an article of clothing is not about the clothing at all#its about how it fits and what it goes with and how you choose to wear it#a shirt is not just a shirt its a part of a whole...#I'm so passionate about this... it doesnt really show in my comics but thats mostly cause. there is only so much time I can devote to thing#anyways#adam is able to make anything look good#and steve is able to make anything seem like hes owned it for 10 years#they can both wear anything but in extremely different ways...#anyways this was a nice little break#its been hard HAHAHAHHA not gonna lie having an extremely rough time#I so so so do not want to return working for webtoon#I need you to know I am ONLY doing this for my readers#because I could use more time. I could use forever away from webtoon#but. I want to see the comic through! and so I will.#I'm so tired of them...#and also still frustrated by people being like 'is this ever coming back' and all that#but its fine. its coming back I'm working on it...#and its good.. its gonna be so good......#time and time again#ttawebcomic#adam and steve#sketch#I JUST REALIZED I SAID ANON...#I MEANT ASK#my brain just calls all asks anon
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head pats...
#odile loops au... she is loved!!!#in stars and time#isat#isat odile#isat siffrin#isat mirabelle#isat bonnie#but also just referencing the odile petting emoji on the discord AJDLSKJKDL#aaaaaa i am so sorry. i missed 2 days in a row. that has never happened before.#bad sleeping schedule and general tiredness....#anyways. back to regular posting schedule (hopefully)#day 63#is it on 10 now... or 11.... check later....#one day I will get enough energy to do asks... one day...#but... I wanna say that I really appreciate them!!! I know a bunch of ya'll have sent very sweet stuff in there... thank you very much!!!!#I didn't wanna clog up the blog but... screw this; I wanna say thanks!!
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ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴄʜᴏᴏꜱᴇ ↳ anonymous asked: HUSK and ALASTOR or angel and valentino?
#hazbin hotel#husk#hazbin husk#alastor#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel edit#hazbin edit#radio demon#requested#make me choose#my gifs#dad beat dad#flashing gif#flickering gif#the full ask said ''in whichever way you define'' at the end so#i chose based off of which dynamic i'm more intrigued by. valentino as a villain and as a challenge to angel is REALLY interesting dont get#me wrong here. it's great. but THESE two have a lot of untapped potential for husk specifically#alastor is just there at the moment but HUSK. husk. it really is a mirror to angel's situation - everything wrong in his afterlife is#because of that gamble. but he WAS an overlord. HE was the one doing that horrible shit before. that's INTERESTING!!#he gathered and gambled away souls like money. it was all just a game to him. now HE'S getting his. a sick poetic justice in a way.#i am SO excited to see if they dive into this more!! will he ever self reflect? if he does will we SEE him doing this reflection? will it#be enough to play a part in him choosing to redeem himself? or even decide if redemption is worth the effort? i feel like there's potential#with his dynamic with alastor to influence that big time + his friendship with angel will also be a major factor#also making this set made me realize the hallway scene is like their one major interaction. jfc and it's fucking HORRIFYING lmao#look i loved their pilot interaction/dynamic as much as the next person but this is just. SO much better. more things to explore.#i'm really glad in the end that they were rewritten in this way. A+
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would you perhaps do a c!niki drawing? i love your art style and your ones of her in the past are amazing, would love to see more if you’re willing but no pressure ofc!
hell yeah I can !!!!
*doodles her* *doodles her* *doodles her *doodles h
#thank you so much for the request#i should really draw her more bc what do you mean this is the first time ive drawn lmb!niki#and ty for the kind words !!#ask#c!niki#niki nihachu#dsmp fanart#aidey's art#maybe ill do more with actual colors and not just color filters in the future haha#first one i am trying to draw her shaped like my best friend because she brings me feelings of awe joy and safety much like cniki#don’t draw full bodies too often I’m more of a cut the drawing off at the chest kinda girl but this was rly enjoyable
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Spoiler!
[ Send “SPOILER!” and I’ll send a spoiler about the storyline. (CLOSED) ]
Possessing the 1P nations can make the 2P nations pretty sick… consider it like an advanced, interdimensional form of jetlag. There’s a variety of side effects, and some are more unpleasant than others.
SYMPTOMS MAY INCLUDE NAUSEA, BODY ACHES, HOMESICKNESS, CONFUSION, HALLUCINATIONS, DISSOCIATION, HALLUCINATIONS, HALLUCINATIONS, HALLUCINATIONS
#hetalia#hws america#hws canada#2p america#2p canada#2p hetalia#ask#anonymous#ask meme answers#1p mention#i dont think ive ever shown them possessing their 1ps bfeore... anyway its a mess#2p ita has a really bad start but quickly regains control#meanwhile ame is so miserable and incapable that canada has to get sent in early to keep him from arousing too much suspicion#2p ame cannot act at all... so shameful#current order in my head is north ita then ame then canada... then others ig loll#the background text is:#not your office not your desk not even your job so why...?#not your body and not your blood and not your pain and not your body#✌✌#btw 2pcanada is saying dont mention it#wherethebuttercupsgrow#repetition#unreality#tw
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Hi! I hope that you are doing well🥰💗💕 I really adore your art!! Your Yuu really wins me over to the very heart!💘💘💘
I wear lightning-shaped earrings and they really remind me of Sebek!⚡ I would like your girl to put them on and draw this🥺💓
But I also really love her black earrings that she wears when she's a teenager and green ones when she's an adult! It's really cute💕💕
And! I would be interested to know if Sebek notices when Yuu puts on other earrings or doesn't wear them at all if she doesn't want to?👉👈💗
Have a nice day!🥰❣️❣️❣️
decide ur ending, which feels more in character
#for me#awwee i was so giddy when i saw that i got another picture#but it's 12:56 AM and i exhausted myself thinking which way should it go#twisted wonderland#twst#sebek zigvolt#jack howl#ace trappola#deuce spade#twst yuu#twst mc#i mean i think he would notice right away if he did have a look at yuu since her hair is short it's hard for the earrings to hide#but then he might be too busy on study and daily duty of tunnel visioning on malmal and he is from different class too so#by public seduction he means seducing him publicly#here yuu smiling for that anon who once asked for smiling yuu#fanart#also thank you very much the positive energy this ask and the many emojis gave me#the written detail of the earring phase makes me feel very appreciated as well thank you#also i have been receiving several really nice asks recently#thank you very much for those too people who know they sent them#anyhow sebek this becomes public the moment u yell about it for the whole world to hear
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