#am i becoming chronically online again?

[hanazukashii]

Tumblr: Congratulations, you've liked 500 posts!

Me: whoops

[tiredclemont]

I forgot to take my medicine last night and now the fatalism is setting in again.

[theacepie-rate]

getting into a really big fandom is so scary

like they're going to find me and shoot me out back for my queer takes

[razziematazz]

my stobotnik omegaverse thoughts

ask and you shall receive, as i am nothing if not responsive to the people. and apparently, this is what the people want! nsfw warning but only if ur chronically online tbh

so, starting off with some context: it’s 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 time. be warned pt 2. bc that’s actually what my friend and i were discussing LMAOOO. the whole conversation was kickstarted by them sending me a drawing of stone flushed due to a fever in which everyone in the replies were saying “damn he’s in heat”, right? but the artist was like “GUYS HES NOT IN HEAT HES SICK”

and my response was “hes sick because he isn’t being knotted actually. Soon that will be fixed.”

but then i was like… Wait. bc to me, they’re both alphas … bc….

yes, stone follows robotniks every command, and he is ECSTATIC doing it! we all agree on this!!!

but but BUT…. if you’ve seen my other posts, you’ll know that i am an AVID supporter of the idea that stone was a top of the line, best of the best field agent before working for robotnik. i believe he has killed before robotnik, but SINCE working for robotnik?

he never took any sort of pleasure when he had to kill before. it was just a necessary evil. but now that he’s got something to protect? someone of his own?? he has killed for robotnik without a second thought and would kill for him again in a heartbeat. and he has lowkey enjoyed it, knowing he’s the one saving the doctor

he’s like those pictures of wolves with watermelons on their heads and etc . of tigers laying in cardboard boxes

he follows robotniks orders and follows them well because he WANTS to fiercely protect robotnik, fulfill all of his needs, and ensure his happiness at all costs, no matter if it’s shooting someone point blank or dealing with robotniks hand dragging him around by the inside of his mouth

(he likes that last one, actually.)

robotnik is just an alpha. idc. he’s literally the stereotype: taller, important, impressive facial hair, a loud and extremely confident asshole

i just feel it in my bones sorry for very little elaboration, besides how he also loves pushing people around

(in contexts other than this, however, i’ll also accept him being a beta tho. solely bc i think him proving that he’s a valuable genius despite not being anything biologically special is a good idea too)

and then i remembered this wonderful thing called bitching! and this wonderful thought that hey actually…. stone went So Hard caring for robotnik, he started becoming lowkey like a feral omega. but obviously, that can’t be EVERYTHING.

it, alongside the fact that he’s been (shamefully) wondering about robotniks knot since like less than a year into working for him, is REALLYYY getting to stone.

and finally, after some plot- perhaps around the time robotnik is recovering in the crab, where stones caretaking instincts are going haywire?- stone gets a taste of that knot !!!!

and then another. and then another. and then about a decades worth more. and what do you know? he and robotnik spedrun bitching at 100%, emotionally and physically

also, i just want you to know that during this revelation, my friend was researching if you can get sick from being too horny irl. (sex improves immune system functions is the answer)

and then this friend, word for word, spat out this wonderful idea: “bitch Stone with a 24/7 piston fuck machine w/ orgasm denial/chastity cage WHAT WHO SAID THAT”

AND HELL YEAH BROTHER

And honestly?? i’d like to add on…….

stone found the blueprints for it when he was trying to save as much as possible from robotniks lab, between the first and second movies. maybe it was even somewhere hidden among the manifesto, deep in some code stone would’ve normally missed. (if he built it at home to use whenever he was especially missing the doctor, that’s between him, the beginning of the bitching, and god)

anyways. if anyone wants to write smthn based on this. FEEL FREEEEEEEEEE just tag me pls!!!!!!

[milksuu]

can I get some headcannons based on Heartsteal being becoming fathers? Like how they were during the time their s/o was pregnant. :3c

Maybe a bonus on whether the child was planned or not.

❥ prompt: v!heartsteel expecting father headcanons with reader ❥ content/warnings: suggestive themes, foul language, pregnancy and all things related, baby genders mentioned ❥ characters/pairings: Heartsteel! (aphelios, ezreal, kayn) x pregnant!reader an;; forgive me, i am too sleepy tired to write for all the boys atm. ;w; fml my hc's for sett would make me fold errr maybe later

░꒱♡‿ִ₊˚→ APHELIOS

When you break the news, Aphelios forgets he primarily uses sign language to speak. To your surprise, and to his own, he uses broken words and barely audible sounds. Almost like a child learning to talk again. You have to help him by taking his hands, and guiding him to use them instead of straining his vocal cords.

'Are...are you sure?'

At first, it's difficult to process all the emotions. Happiness. Fear. Excitement. Anxiety. Love. Overwhelmed, he presses your hands against his face, hiding his unraveling expressions. Afer a beat, he chokes up. His hands squeezes yours, deepening your touch. And within moments, you're wrapped in his arms. And he presses as much of you into himself as he can. Holding you so close to his heart, you feel it pound against your cheek. As if to say; 'is it really okay for me to be this happy?'

To any outsider looking in, Aphelios seems disconnected and unenthusiastic about the whole situation. A plus-one wasn't planned, after all. When anyone asks about you and the baby, he replies with a simple 'Fine. Thanks.' And promptly diverts the subject back to work or anything else. But on the inside, the poor man is suffering. Constantly worrying about you and the babies well-being. In reality, he's too afraid to indulge in his own happiness and share it with others. Fearing the moment he does, it'll all shatter like glass in front of him. And he won't be strong enough to mend the pieces.

It's no surprise that his new chronic obsession consist of only making sure you and the growing baby are safe. He texts every hour, on the hour. Makes frequent video calls. And installs motion sensor cameras around the house, especially in places you could easily fall. And no, he doesn't mind watching you fold laundry or wash dishes for an hour while on a face call. So long as he can see you smiling and healthy, that's all he needs to assure him when he's not physically with you.

He's also pulling all nighters until his bottom eyelids are rimmed red. Reading hundreds upon hundreds of articles, forum posts, and online material on how to be a 'Good Father'—especially one who can't speak. Jotting down everything he can in his notebook, bleeding pen after pen dry from ink. There's plenty of times you have to wake up in the middle of the night and convince him back to bed. But only after reassuring him a thousands times how great of a father he'll be.

When the baby bump begins to show, Aphelios presses his ears against your stomach. Listening to the life you carry inside you. The amniotic sounds ease his intrusive thoughts, and lulls him to sleep; he always imagines he's taking a nap right beside the baby. Plus, he loves getting the small bit of attention from you as you run your fingers through his hair. A moment of selfishness he can't help but relish all for himself.

As for sex...well, he's not always on board with the idea. As much as he craves to be inside you everyday, especially when your body looks so heavenly full, he just doesn't want to risk anything. Especially in your later months. Last thing he wants to do is induce an early labor. But he's more than willing to devote his hands and mouth to satisfy every inch of you that he can. Worshipping you with adoring kisses and soft touches from head to toe. He's happy to please you, and doesn't expect anything in return in your state. (Of course, you do anyway.)

Familial genetics is one heck of a thing. Aphelio's eyes are blown wide at an image screen that shows two babies growing side-by-side. When it's conclusive you'd be having identical twin boys, he almost collapses in front of the ultrasound technician. So not one—but two—surprise gifts waited for him at the end of the third-trimester. And if they would be anything like him, their house would be a pranking death trap to all who entered. No one would be safe, except for mom.

░꒱♡‿ִ₊˚→ EZREAL

When you show Ezreal your pregnancy result, he looks at it with complete shock. He's locked in silence, which is never a good thing for someone as talkative as him. You almost have second thoughts about revealing the news until he bounces to you and gathers you in his arms. Eyes brimming with tears of absolute joy.

"No way—No way! Are you telling me I'm going to be a dad? Babe, for real. Is that what these two lines mean? Are you kidding me? This is the happiest freakin' day of my life!"

Ezreal has always been a fan of surprises, and this big news was no exception. Everywhere he went, no matter the conversation, he'd just casually state he was becoming a father. Didn't matter the person or group setting. Family. Friends. The neighbor; his neighbor next to him. The young teen delivering packages to his door. The grandmother and her toy-poodle waiting in line at the convenience store. If anyone was around him, he was boasting about you and the now expected bundle of joy.

Ezreal tries his bestest to help you around the house. He's never been great at chores, but he's a happy little helper eager to listen and please. You tell him exactly what you need from him, and he'll do it with a smile on his face. Anything that keeps your stress levels low, he wants to be the one you rely on to ease your burden.

Ezreal can't lie and say he understands everything about pregnancy and what you're going through. It all seems to go right over his head. The only thing he seems to get is your morning sickness, because he's literally feeling it too. Seeing you nauseous gets his own sympathetic response going. So while he's trying to comfort you, holding your hair as you hover over the toilet, he's also cradling the nearby trash bucket for himself. (How romantic!)

When your stomach grows, Ezreal can spend hours and hours talking to it. He never runs out of topics. Even mentioning the most mundane parts of his everyday life. These moments are when he feels he's bonding most with his child to be. He'll pretend to tell the baby secrets that you don't even know about, and whispers out loud with a wink, "but don't tell your mom about that one, 'kay?"

Ezreal is literally terrified to have sex with you. And not because he doesn't find your body attractive. But he actually believes he'll poke the baby's eye out, or pop you like a water balloon. And if that ever happened, the guilt would forever destroy him. It takes a visit to the obgyn and for a professional to explain that it's perfectly safe to have sex during your pregnancy. He's hesitant at first, but after the first go around, his confidence and sex drive picks right where it left off. (He regrets not going at it like rabbits sooner.)

When you're at your routine ultrasound appointment, Ezreal can't stop the tears parading down his face, even before he knows it's a boy. Hiccuping and siffling, one hand squeezes yours tight, while the other points at the imaging. "H...He...looks just...like me." It's endearing for him to think that. When the monitor only shows splotchy and fuzzy spots of the babies butt. The copied images to take home are his favorite photos taken. Ever.

░꒱♡‿ִ₊˚→ KAYN

When you break the news to Kayn, he doesn't hesitate to pull you in by the waist, pressing your hips together. Guiding a hand to the back of your neck, in a manner that was gentle and not comparable to how he fucked you senselessly. And with all the care in the world, he takes your lips.

"Damn. You're fertile as Hell. It only took us one time after you stopped your birth-control. Honestly, it's really fuckin' hot. How about we—you know—to celebrate?"

Counter to popular belief, Kayn brought up the idea to start a family first. When you asked him the reason, he first joked around a bit, telling you how hot and sexy it would be to 'impregnate you with his seed'. But, he put aside his usual impulsivities, and explained his desire to move on to the next part of his life. He was done with the partying and drugs. Over the one night stands and dating random no-nobodies. And just wanted to have a more meaningful, family oriented life—with you.

To show he's committed to the whole idea, he takes days off from his idol schedule to go to every prenatal check-up appointment. He plucks and stuffs every pamphlet into his pockets he can find around the waiting lobby. He asks tons of questions to the obgyn, and stuffs more educational brochures in his pockets. You have to scold him when he tries to snag a small uterus replica from the exam room. Kayn defends himself, wanting it for "educational" purposes. (Rhaast just wanted it as a neat souvenir.) He settles when a medical assistant gives him a sperm shaped pen.

Kayn is another one that isn't great with house chores. (But he'll gloat and say he's mastered cleaning the dishes, at the very least.) He's generally better at being sent for errands outside the home. If you need an extra ingredient to make dinner, he'll hop on his motorcycle and get it in record time. And if you're not feeling up for cooking, he'll order pick-up from your favorite place in town. You need to send a package at the post office? He'll wait hours in line on the busiest day of the week. Whatever he can do for you, he makes sure it gets done. So you never have to worry about something once you pass the responsibility to him. Showing you he's a more than capable partner and future father.

When your baby bump starts to show, Kayn's favorite thing to do is touch it. Applying the softest pressure as he runs his hands and finger across your rounding stomach. He's always enamored whenever he feels the baby move; another reminder of how amazing you are. And he never forgets to vocalize it. "You're so goddamn beautiful, you know that?" he'll say like you've cursed him. Cradling your face and taking your mouth.

You never have to tell this man more than once to touch or have sex with you. It's part of his daily routine a this point. And definitely one of his favorite ways to bond with you. But now that you're pregnant, it's as if the sex between you two has shifted into another plane of pleasurable existence. Never getting enough of it, even moments after finishing. But on the days you're not up for it, he respects it. And doesn't mind defaulting to cuddling, before dozing off to sleep with you in his arms. (But he eagerly counts down the time for when you're in the mood again.)

Kayn tries not to show to much of his softer-side; he rather be the one to have his shoulder wet than yours. But at your ultrasound appointment, once it's confirmed you're having a girl, his whole punk 'fuck only the hot police' persona collapses. You notice him clear his throat, and quickly swipe a knuckle at the corner of his eyes. He masks this dent of composure by huffing a laugh, "Guess I'm, uh...going to be kicking the crap out of a lot of asses later."

[newtkive]

pixels [ newt x reader - modern text au ]

ch. 2 - drama queen core

summary: minho's drama finally catches up with him, but newt becomes a hero.

warnings: strong language, mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

__

THE GLADE

[ 12:08 PM ]

y/n: gm pookies

newt: it’s the afternoon.

y/n: yeah well

ur east coast

newt: so are you y/n

y/n: FINE BAD MORNING THEN ARE U HAPPY?

minho: drama queen is awake

newt: you’re the drama queen min let’s be fr

minho: u want me to die be honest

newt: see .

tommy: hey guys :3 been waiting for you all

y/n: awwww tommy <3 gm

tommy: morning sweetums

minho: ew stop

newt: how did you sleep?

tommy: good! used my new heated pillow

newt: not you

minho: not you

tommy: wtf

WHO THEN?? THERES LIKE 7 OTHER PPL IN HERE

minho: he means y/n

and there’s 4 other people not including newt and y/n dumbass

y/n: oh

why just me????

newt: cuz you stayed up til 6 am

y/n: ..

how do you know that

newt: i saw you were active on discord

gally: doesn’t that mean you were awake too then

newt: ok and?

minho: thats crazy newt

newt: no it isn’t

i just casually saw it

y/n: hehe

im ok i need to sleep more. sims 4 was really consuming me

why were you awake??

newt: up for work

minho: you get on discord before work?

chronically online..

newt: can you choke and pass out and hit your head please

minho: THE WAY U WANT ME DEAD IS INSANE

y/n: he’s gotta check on his discord hoes before hitting the grind

newt: there are no discord hoes

unless you count thomas

and i don’t

tommy: well why not

newt: because you disgust me

tommy: love u too :3<3

minho: y’all about to kiss aren’t you

newt: never say that shit again im outside your door with a b*mb

minho: why censor it

just blow me up it’s my grandmas house anyway. u want to jump her that bad????

gally: blow that bitch up i say

y/n: HELLO???!,!!

gally: minho not grandma

she loves me cuz im so tall

minho: tall people always gotta remind you they’re tall 😒

like we get it bigfoot

gally: shut up tinkerbell

y/n: you’re somewhat tall minho

minho: any man under 6’0 is considered short

y/n: yeah but newt is 6 ft trapped in a 5’10 body so not totally true

newt: what does that even mean

minho: give me a break

i can tell you exactly what that means

she wanna hit

newt: stop

tommy: don’t get his hopes up

newt: dude

stfu

y/n: what newt said

gally: can we appreciate the only one actually over 6 ft here

minho: no.

tommy: im the same height as newt!!!!

y/n: yea but ur like 3 ft trapped in a 5’10 body tommy not the same

tommy: oh ..

minho: kind of real

newt: can someone kick gally i’m tired of seeing his fucking name on my phone

gally: then turn your phone off don’t you have old ladies to tend to at the library

newt: yeah and they all love me

y/n: so real

if i was old i’d go in there and imagine you’re my young boyfriend and cling to everything u say

tommy: true im the old ladies

y/n: LMAO

minho: write a fanfic y/n why don’t you

newt: yeah you both are old and not beating the dementia allegations

y/n: IM THE YOUNGEST HERE

ur just mad you’re old as dirt

tommy: youth has left you newt and it has turn you bitter in your old age.

minho: thomas knows big words who knew

newt: which word in that sentence was big??

y/n: shut up minho

minho: wtf did i do

y/n: idk but i imagine you sitting there typing on your little phone and i got pissed

minho: WHAT???!.‘wKWHFO

newt: LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

yeah chubby little fingers hitting the wrong letters on his iphone 8

minho: im leaving

tommy: dont leave i forgive you for what you said

minho: i don’t give a damn

y’all mad y’all are all fake im the realest i’ve been prophesizing and reading scriptures 7000 years before y’all fake asses were born be so for real right now

y/n: not reading that

congrats

or sorry for what happened idk

about to drink my coffee in a wine glass

tommy: just drink wine

newt: it’s noon tommy??

tommy: ok and?

newt: explains a lot

minho: no coffee for me this new year only water and pussy juice fr fr

[ newt removed minho from the group ]

tommy: woah

y/n: woah..

newt: i can’t take it anymore

alby: How did you get that access..?

newt: don’t worry about it

in times of need i have to step in like that

y/n: hi alby!

alby: Hey y/n!

tommy: you’re such a hero newt

gally: that was deserved

who wants to play minecraft rn

y/n: me!!

alby: I’ll play, I’m off work today.

y/n: let’s go to the desert i want a camel

gally: alright but then the caves after i wanna mine

newt: if you mine with her you gotta bring extra food and storage when she dies so you can pick up the fallen items

gally: i forget you’re her designated babysitter

y/n: oh please no he isn’t

and i’ll bring my own food

newt: you always say that and then leave it in the stove oven

y/n: WELL I WONT THIS TIME

newt: sure ok

i’ll get on after work

[ alby added minho to the group ]

minho: when i get you.

newt: why did you add him back alby

alby: He was harassing me.

newt: be a man and take it

gally: im leaving

[ gally left the group ]

minho: im going to throw up and die

newt: im staying out of this

minho: (guy who caused it) im staying out of this

y/n: why does gally alwyas leave 😔

newt: why question a gift from the heavens

tommy: get online y/n gally is attacking my dirt house w a pickaxe :((((

y/n: NO IM COMING

minho: im coming to your work newt

newt: okay im locking the door early then

minho: i’ll smash through the glass idc

newt: i’m leaving my shift is over at 1 today.

minho: i’ll use life360 on you

newt: i deleted that app

minho: i’ll stand in the middle of the street

newt: ok let me position my car in front of you

just come to my apartment and we can play w them on pc and xbox

minho: …. fine but i hate your guts

newt: fine

y/n: HURRY GALLY IS ATTACKING MY SHED NOOOOWWW

newt: i’ll just rebuild it

minho: i’ll set it on fire just wait

[aranock]

I'm tired.

Just sort of in general I am exhausted. I know I put on a brave face a lot, but the hate does get to me. The constant unceasing hatred both offline and online gets to me. I'm human idk what to say. Been thinking a lot about the Bilbo quote, I might be paraphrasing, "I feel like too little butter spread across too much toast."

It's pride month, I should be feeling happy right? I convocated finally after a brutal long degree I should be feeling happy right? I like how my body looks for the first time in my life shouldn't I feel happy?

And I know that's not helpful, that feelings are not a should thing. And yet I feel it anyway :/. Not that I do not feel happy, I would say on average I am better than I have been at any other point in my life. But it does get to me.

I was invited to dinner with a former family member, a blood relative that breached every boundary I placed and even went so far as to accost me in a public space. It's hard watching someone lose all love for you the more you become yourself. Being told I'm an embarrassment to my parents by creeps online stings a lot more now that I had a blood relative say it to my face while aggressively yanking my jacket so I couldn't get away. I know its a lie, I know that this person saying that hurt my parents as much as it did me. Alas, anxiety rarely responds to facts or evidence.

Everytime it feels like I'm fine and over it; this person manages to weasel their way around boundaries to fuck up my mental health for a week. And the thing about chronic illnesses like mine is they flare up quite horrendously when you get stressed and anxious. Anxiety means waking up to acid burnt throat from reflux.

It makes my voice dysphoric all day.

I think deep down one of my greatest fears is that I am unlovable, that everyone around me secretly hates me and is just waiting for the excuse to finally be rid of interacting with me. I am terrified that I am a burden. Mortified by the false belief that I am broken.

Despite how horrific my childhood adolescence and some of my early adulthood were, my family was at least a safe place. I recognize that I was privileged to have that. With that said I think the reason this whole thing has rocked me so much is that it violated that one last place I felt safe. It has made me doubt the love of those I never thought I would.

Sometimes transphobia feels like drowning, and if you try to swim for air everyone decides to shove you further down cause actually it's proof you are faking needing breath.

I text someone anytime I go run errands, just to make sure someone knows. Had too many experiences of hate. I get anxious when I go to get groceries; will this be the time I get hit by a vehicle driven by a far right transphobe, am I going to get called a slur again, will the store staff get suspicious of me and search through all my groceries to make sure I actually paid for it. But please, tell me how I don't know what its like to be oppressed. When men sexually harass, catcall, creepily hit on, follow me around clearly I am not at all experiencing sexism. Obviously the real worst thing in the world is that women "cancel" people on the internet, and trans people exist. Did they think sending me hateful articles would suddenly make me go "oh yes clearly its all in my head, please genocide my community, I stand for nothing and have the moral backbone of a slug."

I don't really know why I'm writing this, I dont usually feel or desire to express something like this publicly. I will probably delete it later. Maybe I disappear into writing cause its easier to deal with the feelings that way. That at least then someone gets something out of my pain. That maybe it helps to condense emotional mountains to the mole hills of short strokes of a pen or presses of a key. To let them explode outward in a flurry of thoughts and words that others look at and say "I too have felt this, you are not alone, you are not wrong for feeling this way."

Anything to take the weight of it all off my chest for a second.

Because I am tired.

I'm exhausted really.

I don't want to be brave or strong or resilient. It's tiring to bear the weight of that and a billion projections. Atlas does not bear the heavens upon his shoulders because he is strong or brave. He bears it because he has no other choice. Because people put it on him.

I just want to exist; that is apparently too much to ask for as a trans woman.

If you are concerned, please don't worry I'll be fine, I was fine every other time after all. This too shall pass. But right now it hurts.

And I have had my fill of hurt for many lifetimes.

[inchidentally]

@ the anons I’ve accrued over this year who brought up Oscar not being embraced by the media team I’m still not going to post the asks bc there’s a lot of doom etc in there but like…

(and even tho it’s easy to find out who it is I’m not including who posted it bc do NOT want hate or anything in their comments and fandom issues =/= relevance to real life teams and their jobs)

“carland0 won the McLaren constructors… Oscar was there ig anyway remember when I staged a puppet show to commemorate carland0” LIKE SHSBSBVSBSBD

and I get that to a media person the subjects are mostly valuable for how good they are on camera bc even Andrea only gets a passing mention in this post compared to a bromance and he’s the actual architect that Lando himself says is behind this win - but he’s also famously deer in the headlights when a camera is on him.

it does possibly explain why the quality and quantity of McLaren content took a sudden nosedive not long after Oscar joined. (side note that Joe also moved on from McLaren early this year who was on the media team and spent a lot of social time with Oscar and posted him more) it’s a lil sad bc if you watch any of Oscar’s Prema content where he feels comfortable and friendly with the people behind the cameras he’s hilarious and willing to “dance” and yap and be silly. even in Alpine he was actually known by broadcast teams for being funny and a sardonic yapper and meme guy. but I think the McLaren ppl mistook Oscar coming into the team in the worst possible way PR wise and clamming up as a result as that being his real personality. Nicole saying how she wanted more people to see his real personality and ironically Carlos himself warming so much to Oscar despite the on track rivalry and not rly hanging out like… I hope the media team maybe start this next season fresh and realize that people who aren’t naturals on camera are still worth putting in effort to help them relax and be themselves. and if one of the people who’s been there for so many years put in that effort then it would have a big ripple effect !!

again I am not gonna post those asks bc a)do NOT support any harassment (however well intentioned) of employees just doing their jobs and b)in the grand scheme of things socmed does not matter and c)Oscar thankfully is blissfully unaware and/or does NOT care. he brings up Carlos and Daniel and carland0 totally on his own and he is utterly free of ego about his perception or presence in McLaren media.

and while it definitely means less Oscar and therefore landoscar content per capita or whatever the phrase is, the whole landoscar dynamic is that it’s so completely not slick fun millennial YouTuber ready PR content and they’re funny and cute and have their own unique chemistry even in the under 2 minutes allowed them for each video. and ofc Oscar has his own social media to put his dry humor and chronically online references <3

but as I saw in comments on a different post, Oscar might take longer to win over the media people but the people who matter most like Andrea and the ppl in the garage and factory and crucially !! the women working directly with him all utterly utterly adore him. he’s quietly there just being a hard worker and proving himself <3

and ultimately ofc the people who don’t like that Lando said he’s decided to not joke or perform as much for media (and saying he picked up from Oscar to just be himself and relax more) can always go back to the old content! and since Carlos creates the same fun bromance atmosphere with all his teammates I mean we all know Team Torque is about to become one of the best parts of race week media. Williams media team is going to eat him UPPPP

anyway yea none of it is deep it just got me thinking about how Oscar post alpinegate withdrew so much and so many ppl haven’t looked up who he was before to realize what a fun silly chatty kitten he is and that ofc he must be bc Lando holds him in his hand lovingly for a reason - and I do think when the ppl who got used to the Carlos and Daniel school of media warm up to Oscar and learn him more we’ll get that high res DSLR filmed content again instead of portrait iPhone instagram <3

(side note the whole thing if Unboxed dropping bc of DTS got debunked. DTS hasn’t stopped any other teams content and if it were true then Lando wouldn’t be allowed to make Landologs. this was definitely a media team decision made midway thru 2023)

[werehounded]

meeting my younger self for coffee

i wheel into the cafe in my wheelchair, and she walks in unaided. she's wearing demonias with a 6 inch heel, and i'm wearing vans, probably. maybe new rocks. who knows? she has a bmth hoodie over a drop dead brand tshirt, and jeans so skinny that you can see what she had for dinner through them. i'm wearing oversized stuff, as it's more comfortable on my joints and chronic pain points.

she smiles, and i do too. she's scared and lonely in a crowded room, and she barely talks initially, even as i hug her. she orders an espresso frappe, with whipped cream and chocolate sauce. i order a plain iced latte with oat milk. i get her a cake, because i know she hasn't eaten today yet. she says it'll make her fatter, and i say that one day she won't care about that. she doesn't believe me.

she asks how my career in live music is going, and i have to break it to her that we've never truly worked except for that stint in a supermarket which lasted less than a month. she then asks if i went to uni, and i have to tell her we couldn't manage that either.

she wonders if we still have the same friends. i tell her kim is still the most loyal and wonderful friend, and that she needs to treasure her more over and above the girls who will eventually steal from her, beat her, torment her and ditch and ghost her. their abuse will bring on a 10 year long depressive slump. the girl that she's in love with... it;'s unrequited, and will break her heart ultimately when she ditches her.

but on the bright side, i say, you'll know who your TRUE friends are because of this heartache. she asks me, why am i dressed like a man? why haven't i shaved the scraggly hair on my chin, like i always used to, bc i was ashamed of it. i tell her that we're finally transitioning, that thanks to the internet she'll realise who she is, always has been, and always will be.

i tell her, it's a hard road to transition. along the way, she'll become far more disabled. her pain will get worse, until she can't walk, and then she'll need major surgery which will change her perspective on life entirely.

she'll meet a lovely partner, and more online friends, when she rejoins the fandom world after being lonely for so long. i tell her, that my partner is wonderful and affirms me every day, and makes me feel wanted and desired where others never have.

i tell her, as she gets up to leave for work experience as a live music technician, that things will change, and that's okay. i hug her again, and i slip her a tenner so she can get dinner later, too.

[kakao-lovey]

It girl resources: Wonyoungism 101

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅ No problem, I don't care. You are you, I am me. What on Earth is wonyoungism? Wonyoungism is an online movement promoting self-love, self-care and healthy habits. Although inspired by IVE's Jang Wonyoung, the movement has since grown its own wings and become a safe space for everyone, not just K-pop fans. Is wonyoungism an aesthetic? No, it is not. Although there is an aesthetic that comes along with it (As with everything online), that is not wonyoungism in itself, that is the wonyoungism aesthetic; heavily inspired by the 'That girl', 'Pink Pilates princess' and 'Coquette' aesthetics, and not far removed from being a copy. Who can join wonyoungism? Contrary to logic, wonyoungism is not a K-pop thing. I myself have been following it for years, and cannot name another IVE member. It is also not exclusive to white girls. Wonyoungism can be masculine, as, again, it is not about Wonyoung herself as much as it is about you.

୨ৎ First steps

Educate yourself. Wonyoungism places a heavy emphasis on mental and physical health, so make sure everything is in check. See Research checklist.

2. Do a life refresh if you need to: block old contacts or toxic friends, unfollow toxic creators, declutter your space, clean out your handbag, etc. (Make a list) Every beautiful picture starts with a clean slate.

3. Slowly start implementing healthier habits into your life that will benefit you in the long run. Here are some ideas: ~ Prioritising nutrients over dopamine in food: Eat more plant-based foods, whole grains, nuts and seeds, and drink your water. ~ Spending time with yourself: Do five minutes of meditation, start a journal (Or blog!), make expressionistic art and music, watch the sun set or rise, go on walks. ~ Taking care of your body: do core workouts to improve your posture, show up to the gym, stretch 2x daily, take your meds, use hypoallergenic soap, drink your green juice.

4. Develop a daily routine: build your ideal habits into your schedule, and hang it up on your closet door. Example: 7:00 - Wake up, make bed and have a glass of water 7:10 - fifteen minutes of sunlight ++ herbal tea of choice 7:25 - Wash face, put on a cute outfit, do your skincare ++ SPF 8:00 - Start studying

5. Go with the flow, find what works best for you, and trash what doesn't!

୨ৎ Research / journal checklist

Beauty:

What is my skin type? What is my acne type? What active ingredients can use to target [skin concern]?

What is my hair porosity level? What is my scalp type? What curl pattern do I have? What active ingredients can I use to target [hair concern]? How do I prevent hair damage?

What is my make-up archetype? What is my face shape? What is my eye shape / eyelid type? What is my seasonal colour palette? Am I warm, neutral or cool toned?

Health:

What does my ideal diet look like? What vitamins / nutrients could I use some more of? What in my diet could be damaging my body?

What exercise style suits me? What sports activities are available in my area that I haven't tried out? How is my arm, leg and core strength? How is my endurance? How can I build exercise into my daily routine?

What specialist psychiatrists are in my area that can treat any potential side-effects of neurodiversity?

What specialist doctors are in my area that can treat any potential chronic illness I suffer from?

How is my posture?

Am I sleeping enough? How do I fall asleep quicker? Mindset / Mental health:

Do I have any memories that bother me to this day?

How is my relationship with the people around me?

Who do I want to become?

Is my mood stable?

Do I agree with most of the thoughts that pop into my head?

How often do I 'zone out'?

Extra resources:

[lotusarchon]

I spend my night sleeping in a car and woke up at 4 am because a bitch is annoying as fucking hell. Do I have to change my name, or do you people just have a kink in which you enjoy torturing me??

Sighs. Again, there is ANOTHER fucking account pretending to be me and celebrating my friend's (hopefully not) suicide.

I would like to clarify, this is not the same person, Mariin who had been harassing me for the past year. My friend helped me to get her the punishment she damn well needed, and as far as we know, she's been under house arrest and has been without technology and will remain as such for a long, long time. The person that made an account to harass my friend Hongtao, I believe had also been dealt with the authorities, so I genuinely have no idea what the fuck, nor who the fuck this person is right now. I have no idea if their personal problem is with my friend, or if they just dislike me to the point of thinking this is funny, or just desperately trying to be the next Mariin.

I really, don't know. And I also don't think I've pissed off anyone else like I did with Mariin. Hell, most of my relationships have become estranged if not borderline on the verge of stopping the friendship entirely so I really. Do not know what the fuck is going on right now.

Honestly I'm just. It's 4 am, I'm buttfuck exhausted and sore from sleeping in a car in a creepy ass place and dear god this is utter insanity. Genuinely how much free time must you have to stalk someone to this extent? Where are you finding the energy to do this? HOW are you finding the energy to do this???

Please, again: do not engage with the account. I want to believe it's for clout again because it's not harassing anyone aside from posing to be me.

Edit: No, yeah, they are harassing my friend Ax and constantly keep reblogging Pome's post Jesus.

Also to the morons in my anons who keep yapping I'm a "horrible" friend, I genuinely feel like I should point out something to you.

1) I am a petty person, and yes, I'm not denying I don't have my own problems. What started Mariin's incident was because of my own shitty behavior, and I'm not immature to deny it. That being said, why the fuck would I make an account to celebrate an online human being's death?

2) Hypothetical scenario, right? But let's say someone actually managed to piss me off to the point I'd create an entire account to shit on them; why the fuck would I willingly attempt to link it to my original account? I assume you people have not been taught much about cyberbullying but I feel like you ought to know that unless you're particularly hardheaded, you do not link an account you're being a dick on to one you commonly use/more popular in. Which, I feel like this should be common knowledge but wow, there's a lot of people genuinely believing I'm actually celebrating my own friend's death.

3) Old or new, I've always treasured my friendships especially with those online. My friendships are very important to me, and I've gotten upset numerous times over them. If you've been around my account for a while, how can you not know Pome's been my closest friend since we met last year? Even if you don't know who I am, what even gives you the idea I'd ever do that to anyone, EVER, most less for someone I genuinely fucking care about. For fuck's sake I'm still bawling over a friendship that ended in December, the hell man.

4) And stay with me here, but do you genuinely think for a second I'm so chronically online? My life is jackshit as it is, why in god's green earth would I waste my time making an account to celebrate someone's fucking death? Even just in fucking general, WHY WOULD I DO THAT?? WHO THE HELL THINKS TELLING SOMEONE THIS SHIT IS REMOTELY FUNNY?

Also I just. I'm tired of this nonsense. So tired, grown ass adults trying to act like highschool bullies is...Jesus Christ.

You know the drill. I'm deadass so embarrassed at this point to be making this but ...yeah. Please do not engage with that account, EVERYONE. It's incredibly creepy to have to check and see people sending it anons. Don't interact with it, don't engage with it, and if it follows you; block. Just block them, and report them, and pray to God Tumblr works fast enough to get rid of them.

-“- bad attempt at being me too....kaomojis, again? Ew. Also, you would not catch me dead using a profile picture from Oshi-No-Ko of all things.

I should be angry but I am just flabbergasted. I'm clinging to the false hope my friend isn't dead, and I'm tired so maybe that's why I just find this entire situation hilarious rather than be angry. Well, aside from my poor name being used like this. Is Usagii really a name in the child corn industry...? 🙁

[air--so--sweet]

After processing for a bit, as much as I would love it not to be true, I think Bobby's actually dead. And I hate it. That said, I don't think it was the wrong or incorrect decision (and also in art and media there are not definitive right and wrong decisions and I am not a fan of how many people seem to think there are).

I get why Tim chose to do this as a creative decision. It ups the stakes and shows that, while they've avoided death a million times the 118 are not invincible, they are mortal. It also allows for character development and to inject new energy and dynamics into the show which is important because it's hard to keep a show fresh after eight years. Also, if a character had to die then it makes the most sense for it to be Bobby. He was the captain, a father figure for a lot of his team, a literal father to May and Harry and Athena's husband - he is connected to every single character in some way. His death carries the most emotional weight and has the most impact, it had to be him. Angela Basset has talked about another version of the script where it was Ravi who died (she's unsure if this was really ever on the table or was simply a misdirect to hide who really died), and that would have been a pointless death, especially as he's only currently on the team because Eddie left. So yeah, Bobby's death sucks, but I'll take it over the them making Ravi a red shirt personally.

Again, I don't like that Bobby died, and that's largely because I'm happy for 9-1-1 to essentially exist in a fantasy world where firefighters survive time and time again no matter how unlikely. But I understand that I am one person and my views are not necessarily shared by the audience at large, and by the audience I don't just mean the fandom, because we are one small section of the audience and there are plenty of casual viewers or viewers who are not chronically online who may feel different to a lot of us. And maybe they won't, maybe it will be wildly disliked, but that's a risk in creating any form of art and media and, while I think and understanding of your fanbase's opinions is important, if you create only based on their desires rather than how you think the story should go you will probably make a pretty shitty show. I've seen a lot of shows become pure fan service and decline in quality as a result. At the end of a the day a showrunner needs to direct the story in the direction they believe the story should go because you cannot please everyone and trying to will not yield positive results. And for the record I believe this goes for the cast as well, take their thoughts and opinions into account, but giving them too much control osnt the answer either. So I'm sorry Kennth Choi hated the story, but at the end of the day he is neither a writer or the showruner. I hope Tim listened to his concerns and thoughts and considered them, but I don't think he did the wrong thing by choosing to go ahead with the story.

[apollxnian]

hey everyone it's mars here again with a third muse! you may know me from previous hits @andxnte and @timbxrs and now i'm back with a new kid who hopefully rounds out my muse lineup nicely :)

anyway, you can get a lot from his profile and bio but i'll put a few more facts under the cut! and of course if you'd like to plot with luke, shoot me a message or like this post and we're ready to get involved!

alright so i kinda realized i accidentally wrote his bio more from the pov of his parents than including his own thoughts and feelings, so i'll try to give some more insight into that... basically luke was lowkey parentified, his mother in particular because she had to lean on him to translate for her in canada and his dad was spending long hours at work. this kinda forced him to grow up too fast, and he accepted this until he started to become a teenager and realized how unfair his situation was. it sounds kinda insane to use the idol industry as an "escape" to freedom, but that's exactly what he did. it gave him an excuse to leave his parents' home for an extended time and he doesn't hate it tbh, so he's soaking up this experience while he tries to decide what comes next.

that said he loves his family! he really does! he has his grandparents and probably aunts/uncles/cousins in south korea so he's not exactly alone here (and i am so open to plotting out extended family relationships too just saying...). he does struggle with some guilt at likely leaving his younger siblings in the same situation he left, and he misses them, but he had to do this for himself.

a lot of his community growing up was through church btw. his parents attended a korean community church in toronto where some services were held entirely in their native language. they became very involved as it was a way to connect with the culture they moved away from for luke's dad's job. another reason he wanted to get away is because of his bisexuality, which he knew he could never admit to his very conservative parents, and y'know still acknowledges that south korea isn't exactly the place one would go to in order to explore that but it is what it is. he's not totally sure of his own religious beliefs at this point in his life but kinda appreciates the fact that it doesn't have to be a priority right now either.

all this said, he still very much has caretaker tendencies despite being one of the youngest members of his group (and in the company?)!! that's sort of how he adopted the "mood maker" role for himself; he can't exactly take care of his members or anyone else like he would his younger siblings, but he can try to make them laugh or brighten their day a little bit. he's kinda good at it too since he's not really afraid to make a fool of himself. it's why he keeps going viral for dumb shit too and he's probably the guy hosting the party in the fanfic since he comes across as super extroverted and friends with everyone.

he's actually way more chill than his image would imply though. he's not actually full of boundless energy and is perfectly happy to sit in silence and just relax when he has the opportunity. but he does put pressure on himself to be the funny guy, to make everyone around him happy, and ALSO that "chronically online" image means that he's VERY active on social media and hi-u. social media, unfortunately, is a 24/7 job and fans are becoming increasingly entitled to his time and attention and a touch of people pleasing tendencies make it hard for him to establish boundaries. luke's doing his best, but this is definitely a theme i want to keep exploring and how it'll affect him longterm!

i don't have any particular plot ideas right now and kinda prefer to work things out on a case by case basis, so if luke sounds like fun to you then please hmu with a like or a message or a nudge on discord and we can get something going!! i think this is all i have to say for now <3

[joyswonderland1108]

Let's talk

Hi hello how are you? Hope you're all doing well! I know i'm still not back to being active, i started an internship for a while now so again i'm busy trying to find some time to share my thoughts whenever i have a buttload of them.

Did you know that to be able to productive at work streaming MUSE is an essential? SO GO STREAM MUSE!!!! I don't think my supervisor is happy with me wearing earphones the whole day but sucks to be him BTS come first.

What is it that i wanted to say? Oh yes. Again, i'll say it, i couldn't care less if you're a solo, sucks, but as long as you keep your own limits, stan whoever you stan and keep your own goddamn thoughts to yourself, then WHATEVER.

Now am i gonna name drop? No, because honestly i feel like there's no need to target one person when i know there are others that fit in the same box so if the shoe fits, wear it.

Starting off as an ARMY, OT7 lover, to become a Jikooker (aka liking Jikook's dynamic whatever the fuck you think they are to each other) to becoming a solo, and treating the members as if they are just spare and whatever they do or say should revolve positively around the X member that you solo stan.. HUM.

Needless to say the amount of guilt tripping is astronomical, making Army feel guilty about having a goddamn life and not being able to post to show their support or "share proof" of them actually streaming.. Darling no one owes you anything, whatever effort a person does whether they show it to you or not, that is none of your goddamn business, don't make anyone feel bad for their effort, just because YOU have enough spare time to be chronically online it doesn't mean everyone is.

I'll go back to what i mentioned above and take it as an example whether it's me or anyone else, do i have enough time to be coming in here the same way i used to? Not for now, am i still streaming while doing my internship when i'm supposed to stay professional? Yes. Well same goes for many others, some Army are parents too, besides work they have a family to tend to, if you are still young and unmarried with a lot of time to spare, good for you, not everyone is.

Some ex-Army couldn't even handle the pression of being an Army because of people guilt tripping them for not "showing proof of support" and to make it worse posting shit like "Oh you hate X member" because people are simply not making a new post every 2 seconds about the X member you are solo stanning according to YOUR standard.. You really need to go out and touch some grass.

"Oh but no i'm not a solo can't you see my reposts?" I couldn't give two fucks about what you repost or do not repost, it's the shit that you keep on saying, the pattern that you've created that many people noticed, you turning into a solo stan and trying to hide this with a few reposts, maybe just maybe if you are still not ready to assume that you've became a solo, then at the very least make a second account to go cry in there. You can't fool anyone when the pattern is patterning.

It is absolutely sickening to see this going on for MONTHS and just earlier i've seen a friend talk about it and i was reminded how with my girlies in our gc we would share posts related to the boys and everytime we were a bit confused about "some posts" we always had that "Um.. Was that person a solo to begin with or are we just not really understanding?"

Please for the love of God, take your solo stanning elsewhere, stop spitting venom at people for rules that YOU are setting.

With that being said, i hope y'all are having a nice day and STREAM MUSE!!!

[darksideofthemoonbot]

Slaanesh

As I previously covered my favourite chaos god, Nurgle, I thought I'd go on to my second favourite: Slaanesh. Not my favourite but the one I relate to the most. Fair warning, this gets personal and not especially amusing. Rather dark actually.

For context to start: I have chronic pain, fibromyalgia stemming from childhood trauma, since I was nine years old. I also have significant mental health issues for which I get therapy and medication. I have only been treated for the chronic pain for a few years, after about 27 years of literal constant torture by my own nervous system.

I understand obsession and chasing the next sensation. Of extremes of passion and self destructive indulgences. I self medicated in various ways for a long time. I am also, as I joke sometimes, a "recovering yandere". I've had times where I've become so obsessed with someone I only know online, that I spent the entire day staring at a message screen waiting for a reply, despite them probably being at work or otherwise busy; because interacting with them was the only thing that mattered and gave my life purpose. New sensations, greater sensations, were always needed to escape the torture chamber of my body.

On a lighter note: on to the circles of seduction

Avidity – I grew up in the 80s and 90s, when "greed is good" was really taking hold in public consciousness. Despite that, this temptation has rarely been much of a love of mine. I collect sins as a hobby but my desire for money has not generally been for money's sake, more on that later.

Gluttony – for so long, food was more an annoyance to me than anything. The suffering drowned out any enjoyment so it was merely a tedious habit I had to partake in to survive.

However! Now that I am getting treatment, I can enjoy things again. And the lack of familiarity with pleasure from food makes it so intense sometimes! Most recently I had a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich on generic store-bought whole wheat bread. It was so good. Unbelievably good. My mouth tingled so much it tickled and I almost had to stop eating. The savoury all natural peanut butter, the sweet tang of the jelly, and the soft squishy texture of the bread. Oh dear gods it was heavenly.

Carnality – this seems to be what people first think of when they think of Slaanesh, which to people not on the ace spectrum is probably obvious. For a long time I thought I was ace. No interest, in fact I was hostile to the idea due to trauma. But trauma response is not the same as being ace, and it turns out I am not. Very not. Switch/vers, bi. And in a committed relationship of 24 years with a partner who has no complaints, heh.

Paramountcy – power, control, influence. These are a heady wine for many. I have considered running for local office, school board or something, with ambitions to perhaps state level. Not that I have the means, I am regrettably disabled and the demands of power are too much for me. Doesn't stop me dreaming. And thinking I am more worthy than others to wield such power. Perhaps foolishly.

Vainglory – remember greed above? This is where it gets me. I don't want money for money sake; I want it for all the good I could do with it. Buy and forgive debt. Start businesses that pay better and sell lower. Scholarships. Political influence to improve people's lives materially. Providing food to those in need free of charge. Building low/no rent but well maintained housing. Just do a whole lot of good with vast fortunes. Because then people will love me, cherish me, praise me for my largesse kindness. I will be invited to all the public events, have hospitals named after me, get messages of gratitude from all those I've helped. To be worshipped, in a secular way, for my use of my money. And yet remain rich, for after a certain threshold money compounds upon itself indefinitely.

Indolency – here's the circle where I die. I am... so tired. Decades of misery have drained me. Medications sap my energy even as they reduce my pain. I've had long swathes of time where I'd go to bed around 21:00 and sleep until 10:00. And then nap in the afternoon. Napping in fact was my chief hobby for many years. I didn't know relaxation until recently, as I was always tense; trying to hold myself up so less of me was pressed on a surface, because it hurt. I still struggle to relax and let a bed or chair hold me up without my effort. It is an alien sensation, frightful in a way, as though I will fall through the world if I let go.

The Palace of Pleasure – no line uncrossed, no barrier unbroken, no debasement too low, no extreme too high. Worry not, dear reader, I do in fact have scruples. But I relate to the notion well. After half a lifetime of senses dulled by endless unchanging aches and an unbalanced mind, I yearn. I yearn for all those experiences that many take for granted. The joy of a sandwich, the thrill of minor ambition, the softness of restorative rest. Pleasure. It isn't what I expected. I imagined pleasure as a passive feeling, a relaxation and untroubled feeling. A soothing of the pain, I couldn't imagine more. Yet it is more than that. It feels very much like the opposite of pain, an intense and sometimes stabbing sensation. A good one. Like a pain but you want to experience it. Pleasure can be so good and so intense, a mirror of what life used to be.

And I want more.

[youreoyokid]

hi it's me i am determined to become chronically online but in a 2014 way again so i have made my tumblr return :)