#am i a tammy stan oh my god

[unclefathersantateddy]

"Jimmy Jr you can read, right?"

I honestly feel like Tammy Larsen's starting to be one of my favourite characters, no matter how many times I rewatch Bob's Burgers her early dialogue always makes me laugh.

[empressofthesunwriter]

Friendly Faces Everywhere

Codename Dovahkiin Part 2

Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.

She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!

Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.

Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.

This gonna be a wild ride!

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 2: Don’t take away my Pizza and Pasta!

After our win against Photoshop, we had a nice, normal week. Wendy introduced us to her friends and we hung out with the fourth-grade girls.

I see a lot of potential in them.

They aren’t as infused with the patriarchy as I thought or more let’s say they reacted to my feminist speeches with interest and asked questions.

Bebe, Wendy’s best friend, and cute Heidi are especially promising.

I caught both of them looking at me in a…questioning way. Even Tammy got some of these looks.

These are looks I know from girls who told me before they were straight and then made out with me behind the school bleachers.

So my little hicktown isn’t totally straight.

But I will give these girls time.

First, get rid of the patriarchy brainwashing, then we can jump into questioning their sexuality or even gender identity

At this time Leo and I made also peace again with each other and he said sorry to me and Wendy that he was so stupid about this whole Kim Kardashian thing.

I’m glad I got my little bro back.

Nonetheless, it even didn’t take a day and he left with Stan, Cartman, Kyle, and Kenny the school to start their own Start-Up-Company, since they didn’t want to go to school anymore.

Leo even set fire to the school gymnasium, so sure was he that he wouldn’t return back here.

The boys, besides of course fatass, asked me to join them, but I like school.

I know shocking.

I mean I think Math is useless, but I like to learn new things and I’m a huge history nerd.

I have mostly fun at school.

Also, I didn’t believe that this Start-Up shit would actually work.

So while Stan’a Gang, that’s their official name I learned, chased that dream, I and the girls comforted Wendy because Stan broke up with her.

All the boys are on a fucking high horse, I swerve!

In the end, I was right since next Monday they are back in school.

How do I know that?

Because Kenny comes up walking toward me.

“Hi N.K.!”, he greets me.

“Hello, Kenneth.”, I answer over politely and close my locker. Can Tammy hurry and come from her locker? “I see you are back.”

“Erm, yeah, so how are you?”

I turn to him, crossing my arms and cocking a hip out.

“Oh, suddenly you want to know, how I am. If you haven’t ignored my messages all the time since your little Start-Up-Adventure.”

The boy in the parker has at least the sense to wince at this, rubbing his neck.

“I’m sorry.”

I just roll my eyes, as I see who is coming also.

“And there is the other one who ignored my calls, hello Kyle.”

Whatever the redhead wanted to say, he doesn’t and looks ashamed.

“Erm, I-“

“I don’t care Kyle. You both thought so high and mighty about yourself that you even couldn’t spare answering a friend’s message.”

“You are more than a friend to me.”, they both say at the same time.

Angry they look at each other.

“What the fuck, dude?!”

“No, what the fuck you dude!”

“I have known her before!”

“And yet she also has fallen for me.”

“SHE right now wants to kick both of your asses.”, I growl at them. “What I am? A toy you can decide when to play with it? A toy you can put on a shelf and forget about it totally because you have a new one? And then when the new one is broken, you play with the old again? Fuck you two! I’m no one’s toy!”

With that, I flick my hair and sash away from them.

I meet an equally angry Wendy on my way to Tammy’s locker.

“Stan?”

“Kyle and Kenny?”

We both nod in understanding for each other and continue on our way.

Really, maybe I should just hit up Bebe and/or Heidi. They at least wouldn’t pull such shit on me.

More than a "No" they can’t say.

Meh, for now, I will drap myself over Tammy and tell her my woe.

Amazons of the Southern Lands

Nichole: Did you guys hear it? Stan and his gang are throwing a big party on Saturday!

Red: Yeah and apparently Lorde will be there!

Annie: Oh my god, Lorde I love her!

Heidi: Same! It’s like she totally gets me!

Bebe: Is there a dress code? What should we wear to it?

You all are aware that the guys just want to butter up us.

Wendy: I agree with N.K. Stan and his friends just want to be in our good graces again, helping spread awareness of diabetes my ass.

Bebe: Who gives a fuck? It’s Lorde! LORDE! Oh and pizza.

Red: But Lorde is more important.

You are selling your soul for Lorde?

Tammy: Now you are a bit dramatic sis! It’s not like you and Wendy have to talk to the boys. We girls will just go as a group, to eat the pizza and hear Lorde and you can ignore these idiots.

Wendy: If you put it that way….

I do like Pizza. And Lorde is fantastic. Okay fuck it, let fucking gooooooooooooo!

Bebe: That’s the spirit. Should we pick a theme for our clothes? How about flowers?

I can’t even answer this as my parents storm into our house. Surprised I jump from the couch I was sitting on.

“Mamma, Papà where is the fire?!”

My parents don’t even look at me as they run into the kitchen. They open drawers and our fridge, throwing a lot of our food in big garbage bags.

I stare at them with my chin on the floor.

“Mamma?!”, I shout.

Finally, she hears me, while Papà still throws food away, she kneels down and hugs me tight.

“My little princess, don’t worry! Mamma and Papà will do anything that the evil gluten doesn’t get you.”

I’m more confused than before.

“Huh?”

“Kelly, I think this is all!”

“Are you sure, Chris?”

Papà joins Mamma kneeling on the floor taking carefully my face in his hands.

“Princess, do you have any snacks in your room?”

“Erm, no, not right now?”

He nods and both my parents grab the full garbage bags and are out of the house again. I look after them. I see how all our neighbors are burning food on stakes.

What the fuck is going on?

My smartphone rings. I pick it up.

“Tammy, what’s up?”

“Did your parents also storm your house and are burning the food?”

“How do you know that?”

“Mine did this!”

“Oh dear lord what is going on now?”

I get my answer a while later, after Tammy and I theorized what the adults have now for problems.

My parents sit me down and explain to me that apparently, gluten is bad. It needs to get destroyed or my dick will fly off if I eat it.

Once again I’m a girl with girl parts, so that wouldn’t happen to me, but my parents are terrified.

Whatever they expired at the community center shocked them.

Now, how in the ever-loving fuck should I live without most of the food I love, because of course things like Pizza and Pasta are full of gluten.

This sucks ass!

The next days are crazy with this whole gluten pandemic going on. No one knows what to eat anymore and I swerve I lost probably three kilos already.

Stan and his gang cancel the party, only telling us after a few hours it’s back up.

Apparently, Cartman of all people found the solution to our food crisis.

I’m just…South Park is so fucked up in many ways.

I can’t okay?

But well, a party is still a party and our whole girl group is going. We took Bebe theme, flowers and are dressed in this way.

I formally battle to have cherry blossoms and wear a pretty pink dress with cherry blossoms on it. A hairpin decored with a cherry blossom and pink heels.

I have to admit the party of the boys is sweet. After all this panic we need this moment to relax and unwind.

I’m sitting at one of the tables, eating a steak with a lot of butter, enjoying Lorde singing.

Strange, I could have sworn she looked better on the magazine covers. Was it also Photoshop with her?

The other girls are dancing, talking to the others, or like Tammy gone to the restroom.

“Erm…Hello N.K.”, shy calls a know voice my name.

I turn to the person.

“Kyle.”

The red-haired boy has a cute blush on his face, playing with his fingers.

“It’s awesome that you could come.”, he tells me.

“I came here with my friends to hear Lorde.”, I state simply. “I’m still angry at you guys.”

He winces.

“You have the right to be. I really was a dick to you.”

“Yes, you were.”

I cut a bit of my steak and eat it.

“N.K. I’m really, really sorry. I was a stupid boy so fixed on earning money and never again go to school that I forget anything. Which was wrong, I know.”, he apologizes.

I sign.

“Well, you ARE still only ten, I shouldn’t be so angry. We all make mistakes.”

A cute smile forms on his face and I get to urge to kiss Kyle’s whole sweet face.

“Are we good again, N.K.?”

“Yeah, all right. I may still be a bit resentful, but we can be friends again.”

His smile gets just bigger.

Adorable!

“Would you…would maybe if you want…erm dance with me.”, he wonders, rubbing his neck.

Okay didn’t expect that.

Can’t help but blush too.

“Yeah, let’s dance Kyle.”

I take his hand and we start to dance. It’s more of a swaging around, but Kyle looking at me like I am a kind of goddess, is pleasing me greatly.

“Your dress is so pretty.”, he compliments me. “It fits you so much.”

Kyle being all shy and cute gives me an enormous ego boost. Normally I’m a bit shy with redheads or incredibly horny.

But with Kyle…it’s so simple and nice.

I lean down and plant a soft kiss on his cheek. I feel how warm his cheek gets under my lips. A cute squeaking sound left him.

“You are adorable.”

He blushes more.

Smiling at each other with twinkling eyes we sway while Lorde sings.

It’s really, really romantic.

I don’t know for how long we dance, at least three songs, as I see how Kenny comes towards us.

Uh-Oh.

“Hey guys.”, he greets us, sending Kyle a sharp look, which the redhead counters. “Mind if I step in?”

“Actually, yes.”, hisses Kyle.

Not even a second after he said it I let go of him.

Kyle looks surprised.

“N.K.?”

“Oh no, you two aren’t starting a competition for my hand or something. I’m not I prize to be won.”, I make myself clear. “I like you both and I know that’s unfair, but I can’t decide, so please let us all be just friends. I don’t need more drama in my life.”

Guilty the boys nod.

“Can I still dance with you? I want also to say sorry for what a dick I was to you.”, ask me Kenny with big puppy dog eyes.

“I will get some ice cream.”, let Kyle us be, even if I can see that it breaks his heart.

Why can’t I just decide?

Polyamory, it’s simple as that!

Brain, not now!

So I and Kenny dance and he says sorry too. Like with Kyle, I accept it.

With Kenny, I really dance. I’m quite surprised by what moves he can do.

I can’t help but laugh happily as he twirls me around and then even tango-dips me.

Me! Who is a head taller than him!

I would lie if I didn’t say that this turns me on.

For that, I give him also a kiss on the cheek.

He grins wide and brightly, which makes my heart race.

After I few songs I tell Kenny that this is enough, I don’t want to play favorites with him and Kyle.

He accepts it, albeit sad, and lets me go.

With a last smile to him, I walk to Tammy and ask her for a dance.

At least with my super best friend, there aren’t any problems.

We both take turns leading and I get Tammy to blush like a tomato as I tango-dip her.

For the rest of the party, I stay with the girls.

I even get to dance with Wendy, Bebe, and Heidi.

I twirled Wendy so much around that she asked laughing for a break.

Bebe and I just started to twerk for fun at one point.

And Heidi was so cute!

She blushed the whole time.

Mmh, maybe I should really ask her out….

Whatever this party was amazing!

Can’t wait for the next one.

Next

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[membermentmania]

August 6th, 12:29-4:33am

“Oh my god, I missed you so much!” Bebe yelled as she hugged Red tightly. “I can’t believe you’re one of us!” 

It was overwhelming. She leaned into the hug up until that last sentence. She missed Bebe, Marj, and Wendy so much. The most divine timing landed upon the room. As everyone was talking around the two embracing, the stairs creaked, causing her to look up. A cute blonde boy with muddy green eyes and a button nose descended, looking at her with narrowed eyes. 

Then there was a gun being held up to her temple. “CRAIG, WHAT THE FUCK!” several people yelled. 

Red slowly raised her hands in surrender. “I told you. I’m not doing a thing to him,” she said evenly. “That would just get me killed.” 

He retracted his gun. She maintained eye contact with the blonde who seemed to be appraising her for something. 

“Can one of you two start explaining?” Tammy exasperated. 

“She’s like me,” Tweek said quietly. 

“WHAT?!” 

Red barely registered who said it, just that multiple people did. The room descended into chaos but Tweek patiently put a hand up. “Who’s your moderator?” he asked. 

“Kevin.”

He bit at his lip. “Okay. 

“Do you know him?” she asked with confusion. 

“I’ve heard the name.” 

“Okay, please can someone explain?” Heidi tried.

Bebe let go of her. She didn’t even realize she was still in Bebe’s arms. “Alright, everyone have a seat,” Craig ordered. They all sat down at the table. Craig sat in between Red and Tweek. Bebe was directly across from her and Kenny was to her left. “Alright, so for everyone who doesn’t know. This is Red. She’s my cousin.” 

“Cousin?” Tammy asked, eyes narrowing between the two.

“I’m adopted.” Fucking liar. 

She raised her hands up in mock surrender. “That is not where I was going with that!” 

“Anyways,” he breathed out. “This is my cousin. I was out today. Not hunting.” Red noticed the way Tammy and the blonde both shot him a look but didn’t say anything. “And I ran into Red. Because she was sent here to kill someone.” 

“Who were you sent here to kill, what the fuck?!” Bebe yelled. 

“Me,” the blonde said. Red looked past Craig and really looked at him, silently questioning. He looked back at her and offered her a forgiving smile. “It’s obvious. And it’s okay. You didn’t know.” 

“How do you know she didn’t know?” Stan asked. 

“Because. Hunters don’t know that they deviate from the norm.” 

Red felt like her head was spinning. So much information was being shoved into her head. She wanted to confront Kevin. She wanted to scream at him and punch him and cry. But that wouldn’t do her any good. “I shouldn’t be here,” she muttered. 

“No. You need to tell them what you told me,” Craig responded quietly. 

“Okay.” All eyes honed in on Red. “Um. I was told by my moderator that magical girls are meant to kill each other.” 

“Yeah, gathered,” Kyle interjected. 

“She’s not done,” Craig shot back. 

He nodded. “And we’re to take each other’s relics.” 

“What?” the blonde interjected. “Why would he tell you that?” 

“He told me only one of us would make it to the apocalypse. In order to do that, we need to obtain more than one relic.” 

There was a long pause. Kenny was the first to speak. “What. The. Fuck.” 

“She can prove it,” Craig responded. 

“Okay, this is fucked up,” Wendy responded as she caught the sides of her head in her hands. 

“We need someone with a safe moderator to jump on.” 

Bebe slid her chair out and stood up. “Explains why you brought a laptop here,” she muttered as she circled the table. “Your mic access is off?” 

“Course it is.” 

“Okay. Webcam is enough to let you in. Everyone move.” Everyone got out of the way as Bebe opened the laptop. They all crowded around out of frame, as Red directed her where to go. She took off the webcam cover and went to their website. “Okay, where am I going?” Red was standing on the left side of the laptop, too close to be in view. She silently pointed to a black spot on the screen. It blended in seamlessly. Bebe’s eyes widened as she moved the cursor over and the arrow turned into a little hand. 

“Course there’s always shit hiding in plain sight,” Clyde muttered with genuine distress. Bebe clicked it and there it was. 

INSERT COUNTDOWN PIC. 

“What does it say?” she whispered. 

“INSERT DIRECT TRANSLATION HERE.” 

“Guys, pull up your contracts right fucking now,” Wendy said with a shaky voice to Craig and the blonde. 

Craig pulled out his phone and started tapping away. The blonde leaned into him slightly, looking at his phone. Craig swallowed hard. “Fifteen minute difference,” the blonde whispered. 

“Okay, what the fuck is going on?” Stan asked. 

“It has to be a set up,” the blonde muttered. Red looked at him with eyes slightly widened. “Not from you. From Her.” 

“Who?” 

He shook his head and mouthed later. 

A small banner appeared at the top of the screen. Bebe got a message. Red’s brow furrowed. 

Dovakien: I’m so sorry. 

Bebe slammed the laptop closed. She threw her hands up. “Y’know what? No. No. No. Today was a lot. We’ll deal with this tomorrow, okay?” 

“Okay…” Kenny responded, trying to process. “What are we doing with her?” 

“What?” 

“Red, are you cutting contact or are you leaving?”

Red bit at her lip. She didn’t want to kill people. But she didn’t have a choice. She was alone. Maybe with a group of people, she could fight back. “Is that okay?” she asked. “If I cut contact, can I fight with you guys?” 

The blonde offered her a gentle smile. “Where are you staying tonight?” 

“I was gonna find a motel, I guess. Didn’t really plan that far.” 

He looked at Craig and Craig just sighed. “Okay, c’mon.” 

“What?” 

“Alright guys, goodnight. We’ll meet tomorrow and try and grab information.”

Red followed the two outside and into the night, genuinely confused. The gears in her head were turning. “You two live together?” she asked.

“Yup,” Craig responded flatly.

“Wait. I was sent here to kill your boyfriend?!” 

“No. You were sent here to kill my best friend,” came out at the same time as a very shocked, much quieter, “You’re gay?” 

He casually turned back to the blonde and deadpanned a ‘yes.’ 

Red blinked hard. “My bad.” 

They walked the rest of the way to Craig’s apartment in silence. The blonde looked like he was having the existential crisis of the year. When they walked inside, the blonde turned to her with a gentle smile. “You can take my bed. I’ll take the couch.” 

“Fuck that, she can take the couch,” Craig interjected. 

“It’s literally fine, Craig.” 

“Dude, that’s your bed.” 

“I’m fine with the couch. I’m the one crashing.” 

He turned back to her. “You’re not crashing anything. You can have my bed. And you can wake me or Craig up if you need anything, okay? C’mere.” 

He completely ignored Craig’s quiet protests and took her by the hand, guiding her to his room. He closed the door behind them and grabbed something from the dresser drawers. He spun around with a pile of clothes in his hands. “Okay. Sweatpants, tshirt, and a hoodie if you get cold. And I’m leaving a purifier in here for you in case you need one. Is that okay?” 

Red made a face. “Why are you doing this?” 

A quiet laugh bubbled out of him. A small nostalgic smile crossed his features. “I’ve been where you are,” he responded. “My mod put me through… A lot. And she kinda slowly geared me towards killing other magical girls. And I guess I just know what it’s like to have up turned into down, y’know?” 

She nodded slowly. “Right.” 

“You’re handling this very well, though.”

“I don’t think it’s fully hit me yet,” she whispered. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” he responded reassuringly. “You know some of the girls. And you know Craig. And the rest of them are really forgiving. They took me in despite everything I’ve done and they didn’t even know me. These are good people, Red. You’re not alone.” 

“Thank you. I never caught your name though,” she said quietly. 

“Tweek.” 

“I think you might be a good person too, Tweek.” 

He shot her a pained smile. “Maybe.” Her heart panged. She nodded. “I’m gonna go yell at your cousin for being a dick, okay?” he responded with a laugh. “Just come wake one of us up if you need us. Seriously.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Mhm. Good night.” 

He slipped out of the room and she got changed before laying in bed. It smelled like lavender and coffee. It was comforting. Her mind kept going as she tried to sleep. She rapidly cycled through thoughts about Tweek’s past, everything she’s been through the past year, and Kevin. She was terrified, but she was doing her best not to acknowledge it. When she finally started to feel a wave of exhaustion hit her, she leaned into it, desperate to escape the new knowledge she’d gained. 

-

Morning with Tweek and Craig. Tweek and Craig leave red home to fight an angel. Clyde tags along. 

A tired blonde boy reached out for an apple slice without looking as he browsed through the wall of green text. The angels were all talking to each other. Leslie didn’t speak in the long winded chat. But there were plenty of other angels there.   You can ask them anything. 

“Are you sure it’s okay?” he whispered as he kicked his feet. 

Of course. 

Leslie Meyers: Do you talk to God often?

His eyes lit up when responses flooded in. There were so many he could barely register it. But the last bit of green text screamed against the black background. But he could never remember what it said no matter how much he thought back. 

INVIS:   

INSERT MOD NAME HERE (SPEC THE ONE THAT WORKS WITH REDACTED IN PART THREE): You are God. 

But in truth, there was no god residing within the chatroom. Only future angels moderated by Her. 

LINE!!!!!

Idk if this is gonna be at the end of reds or the beginning of this one but tweek and craig leave red home so tweek can fight an angel and clear his head a bit. Clyde tags along.

Tweek pressed a purifier to his wrist as the realm warped out around them. “Thank you,” he breathed out.

“Course bro! Y’know we’re always here if you just needa clear your head,” Clyde chimed. 

Craig stepped over and put an arm around him. “Wanna go get a snack?” 

“Actually, that sounds good.” 

They started to walk out of the abandoned warehouse they’d just fought in, when Tweek stopped dead in his tracks. “Tw̧ě̥ek,” She singsonged. 

He grabbed his relic from his pocket so he could hear her better. She never spoke around other people. “What.” 

Craig and Clyde both looked at him anxiously. 

“I told you if you didn’t listen, I’d have someone else do your job.” 

“Fuck you.” 

She tsked him. “I’ll request one more time. Kill them and come back to me.” He looked down at his relic, not wanting to look at either of them. 

“Fuck you, Leslie.” 

“Very well then.” 

His chest felt tight. He shoved his phone in his pocket and mouthed very clearly ‘when I give you the signal, get the fuck out of here.’ 

“I’m not leaving you,” Craig responded. Clyde looked like he was going to throw up. 

“Craig, I know you want to protect me, but I want to protect you too, okay?” he whispered. “I need you to listen to me if shit goes sideways.” Craig looked at him defiantly. “If you die for me, I won’t be able to handle it.” 

Craig’s face softened. He nodded. They carefully stepped outside, guards up. Tweek was looking around, trying to get a read on what was coming their way, if anything was coming their way. The fence they’d hopped over to get in here was twenty feet away at most. Clyde and Craig could run and get lost in the crowds as they got towards a more populated area in the worst case. The tension was thick between the three of them. Tweek heard a very quiet whiz. His head snapped towards the source as he shoved Clyde hard. 

Terror consumed him when Clyde slammed into the ground. It wasn’t because Tweek pushed him. Clyde’s scream met his ears and all he felt was guilt. It wasn’t just a cry of unbridled agony. It was a reminder of how terrifying their situation was. This is what it meant to have a contract. He sent a bolt of lightning towards the person on the roof. “Get the fuck out of here!” Tweek yelled to the two. 

“Twee-” 

“Craig, I’m being serious!” His voice came out with such raw urgency. Regret surged through him. I should’ve never gotten him involved. 

“Come back to me safe, okay?” 

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. The amount of panic in desperation in the tiny plea for a promise made Tweek feel infinitely more sick. “Get the others. Don’t separate until I reach out.” 

The boy came back into sight gun trained on Tweek. He looked manic. Twitchy. His hair was pale blonde and his dark green were brimming with sheer insanity. The nausea in his stomach only served to intensify everything as it continued to get worse. This was him three months ago. He heard the fence clank but kept his gaze trained on the boy on the roof. They were in a silent stand off. “Tweek, meet your replacement. This is Thomas.” She had never once sounded this cruel. She was mocking him. 

“Fuck you!” 

“Don’t talk to her like that!” Thomas yelled from the roof as he sent a bullet out. Tweek dodged. Except he didn’t. He knew for a fact he moved. White hot agony exploded through his left shoulder in a blinding flash of pain. He’d been shot one time and Craig was right there to save him. He could handle taking a bullet for all of a minute. Now Craig wasn’t here to save him. But that was okay. He didn’t want Craig to see whatever played out here and he needed Craig to be safe. 

Tweek raised his hands up, trying so hard to get the madness to stop for even a moment. “She’s using you!” he shouted, voice desperate. 

“THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE DISCIPLE! THE ROT YOU AND YOUR HARBINGERS HAVE BROUGHT UPON THIS WORLD WILL END IT!” he roared, voice reverberating around his skull with manic intensity.   

Tweek’s stomach twisted. He didn’t want this. He felt like he was looking in a window to the past and he hated it with everything in him. He didn’t want to die here. He didn’t want to kill this boy either. But this was it. He was trying so hard to get away from it all, just to be thrown right back into it. “There are magical girls everywhere! There are hundreds of us if not more! We’re not ending the world! The mods are!” he yelled in response. 

“LIAR!” Thomas’s scream cut through the air like a blade. This wasn’t going to work. He was too far gone. Kill him. 

Another bullet was shot and once again. Tweek didn’t just move this time. He dove out of the way. He couldn’t take another one. His shoulder felt like it was screaming, the wound pulsating. His right ear was ringing violently. Then more pain came, slamming into him like a freight train. Then pure terror. There was no fucking way he could do something like that without homing shots. Tweek was going kill someone or die here. He couldn’t get out of this. He felt like the walls of everything he was trying to build were collapsing around him without warning. Kill him. 

He let out an agonized wheeze as he shot a bolt of lightning, trying to hit the gun out of Thomas’ hand. But he didn’t let go. He took the burn in stride as laughs started to pour out. “YOU’RE OLD NEWS!” he jeered through his cackles. “HOW SHE EVER THOUGHT YOU WERE CAPABLE OF DOING GOD'S WORK IS BEYOND ME!” 

That might’ve hurt more than the bullets. The words struck at something ugly and primal in him. Each laugh that bubbled out of the boy felt like a cruel twist of a knife that was stabbed into him and left there for ages. He tried to swallow it down as he forced himself up. He ignored the wetness trickling down his arm and neck. “STOP!” He could see it clear as day. There was discord floating around him. Thomas was going to die here either way if he couldn’t get him to relax and he was certain Leslie was in his ear. Kill him, Tweek. Come back to me. “YOU’RE GONNA DIE IF YOU DON’T STOP!” 

He jumped down from the roof and Tweek got a better look at him as he landed with practiced ease. He didn’t look human at all. “You’ve betrayed the gods. Do you know what the punishment for that is?” he asked with a cheshire grin. 

Tweek took a step backwards, shooting a bolt of lightning towards Thomas’ shin. “I don’t want to kill you!” But you need to, Tweek. “Shut up.” The command was futile. He knew it was. But the second he let her back in his head, it was over. It hurt to breathe. He needed a purifier and he needed one urgently. He could feel corruption creeping up on him, despite having just used one. 

Thomas trained his gun on Tweek and sent out another bullet. Tweek didn’t dodge. There was no point. He sent out another bolt of lightning. He wasn’t acknowledging the pain at all. He was just laughing at him. Kill him. The bullet grazed Tweek’s cheek at an angle that didn’t even make sense. And it fucking hurt. He grit his teeth. The pain was too much. It wasn’t just the gunshots anymore. The pain was coming from inside. The realization that Thomas was drawing this out was too cruel. “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!” he screamed. But it wasn’t at Thomas. Because, Tweek. I need someone to fill your spot. Will it be you or him? 

Thomas couldn’t hear her. He didn’t seem like he could hear much of anything. His eyes pierced through Tweek. Rabid intensity continued to grow in them. Tweek could see the color draining from his irises as he stepped closer. “You will die here, Tweek Tweak. And then your band of dissenters will fall. Especially the one that stands close to you.” His voice was sadistic and taunting in the worst way possible. He couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever sounded like this to someone. This is karma. This is my karma. Tweek was terrified. He was truly petrified. He couldn’t let this happen. “What was his name again? Craig?” he asked playfully.

That was what did it. Hearing Craig’s name leave his lips was what sent Tweek over the edge. He couldn’t let this happen. He never wanted to kill anyone again, but if the cost of that would be the friendships he’d tried so hard for. If the cost of that was Craig. He would burn the entire world down. Tweek sent forward lightning as if he were taking down the biggest world ending angel he’d ever fought. It was years worth of overkill. What was left of Thomas hit the ground. As did Tweek as he let out a raw guttural sob. “Why would you fucking do that?” he cried. His devastated voice was so weak it barely carried. But she could hear him just fine.

Welcome home, Tweek. 

“No. No. No.” He let out a wheeze. “I will never come back to you.” 

Very well then. Best of luck. She sounded so indifferent. As he curled in on himself on the hard ground, he said a prayer that she would actually leave him alone. He stayed like that for a bit. His eyes went out of focus as ragged sobs ripped through him. The bits of his cloak he could see were tinged red with his own blood. His whole body hurt. He thought about giving up. When an jolt wracked through his body, he quickly backtracked and pulled a purifier from his pocket. He pressed it to his wrist and he could immediately feel his muddled mind start to clear a bit. 

He took a shaky deep breath and forced himself to a standing position. He had to make a choice. He could walk back transformed, covered in blood and slowly draining his mark further. Or he could let himself change back into his much darker clothes and slowly bleed through those and make it back looking much more inconspicuous. The only problem with the second option was the fact that he might pass out or bleed out if he transformed back. 

He shook his head. He’d be quick. He walked up to the fence and shuddered slightly. He had to climb that with his left arm basically out of commission. It hung limply at his side. It’s okay. I’ve lived through worse. He took a shaky deep breath before forcing himself up and over. The climb back down was significantly worse as the urge to simply let himself smack onto the sidewalk hit him. He wasn’t sure which one would hurt less, but he played it safe and slowly descended the fence. 

He pulled out his phone and called Craig the second he touched solid ground. He picked up on the first ring. “Tweek?” his voice was raw with worry.

“I’m alive,” he wheezed out. “Meet me at base.” 

“We’re already here. Where are you?” 

“Be there in ten,” he muttered before hanging up. 

His head buzzed with pure devastation as he walked through the crowded sidewalks. He just wanted to get home. His vision felt like it was coming in and out as the street lights came on. He pushed through, trying in vain to block out all of the pain assaulting him. But he could see it. 

He picked up his pace the second he set eyes on the decrepit old house. He was so close to safety, he could practically feel it. All he wanted was to see Craig. He wanted to see everyone else too. But he needed Craig more than he needed oxygen. He needed to see he was alive and okay and safe. He needed to hold him and hug him and cling to him like a frightened child. But why? The question kicked off a chain of painfully quick reactions. He barely had time to register the dizziness that hit him before his world went black. 

Tweek put the last pancake on the plate when Craig trailed into the kitchen. He leaned on the doorframe, wiping the sleep out of his eyes. “Morning,” Tweek greeted. 

“Morning,” he responded sleepily. “What’re you doing?” 

“Making you breakfast?” 

“Why? You didn’t have to do that.”

“I’ve been here for almost a week. I can’t keep being a mess. I just wanted to do something to thank you for, y’know… I know this is, like, really stupid. But I figured it would be kinder than just saying I owe you several and leaving.” 

He stood up straighter. “You’re leaving?” 

“Yeah…” he responded with mild confusion. Why does he seem so surprised? 

He took a breath. “Come eat breakfast with me.” 

Tweek complied and they silently ate their breakfasts together. It was nice. It was weird to think of how many firsts he’d had with someone he only met a week ago. Craig was starting to feel more like family than some guy he tried to kill and part of Tweek hated that. He didn’t deserve this. He was terrified he’d get too attached, so he promised himself he’d do something nice for him and tell him to reach out if he needed anything before going home. A chill ran down his spine at the thought of going home, but he ignored it. He had his time to be a mess. He had to pull himself back together. 

They finished and Tweek went to stand. “You should move in here.” 

Tweek sputtered in response. “What?!” 

Craig was being serious. Tweek didn’t even know what was going on anymore. “I’m serious. Your house isn’t safe. Your relic isn’t safe. Your mod isn’t safe. At least here you have someone to look out for you and you can come home to a bed and not have to worry about,” he cut himself off. “The shit you have to deal with at home.” 

“But you don’t even know me! I could be, like, a lunatic ready to, I don’t know, eat your fucking skin?!” 

Craig laughed quietly. “I know you. Not a lot, but I know you.” 

“We met a week ago when I tried to fucking kill you!” 

“Yeah. And in that time I learned a lot. You’re a good person, Tweek. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but if you weren’t you wouldn’t have reacted the way you did.” Tweek felt nauseous. “I’m afraid if you leave, you’re-” His nose twitched slightly. “I’d never see you again.” Tweek knew what he was gonna say. And Craig was probably right. There was a real chance Tweek would wind up dead after they parted ways. He knew that. But he didn’t want to leech off of Craig just because of that. 

“You’ll see me,” he tried. 

He noticed Craig was such an odd combination of nonsense and no-nonsense. “I don’t believe you.” 

Tweek blinked hard. “You will.” 

“You don’t have to, but just think about it. Okay?” 

Tweek didn’t want to think about it. He would say yes. He’d say yes infinitely. There would never be a universe where he said no if he thought about it. He shook his head. “I don’t deserve this,” he muttered. 

“That’s cool. I didn’t ask.” 

Tweek looked up at him wide eyed with a shocked laugh. “What?” 

“If you don’t think you deserve this, that’s fine. I think you do. I don’t think anyone should ever go through half of the shit you’ve gone through. And I think you’ve had too much pain in your life for someone our age. You need a break.” Tweek bit his lip. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t think there was any redemption for him and here Craig was, telling him that he didn’t deserve to just let his fate take him. They looked at each other for a moment before Craig rolled his eyes. “Okay, fuck it. I’m holding you hostage.” 

“You were already holding me hostage.” 

“Okaaay. I’m continuing to hold you hostage.” 

“So you’re not giving me a choice?” Tweek asked flatly. 

“Nope. You’re being kidnapped.” 

“Pretty sure that’s illegal.” 

“Again. Didn’t ask.” 

Tweek tried to bite back his laugh. “You’re kinda a dick.” 

“Yup. And I’m also holding you hostage.” 

“Oh my god, you’re ridiculous. You know that?” 

“Mhm.” 

Tweek frowned. “I am trying so hard to give you an out, man. I don’t want to pull you into my shit. You’ve done so much. I already can’t even begin to pay you back for everything.” 

He crossed his arms. “I don’t want an out. And I don’t want you to pay me back.” 

“I don’t get it though. Why?” 

“Because you des-” 

“No. Why are you doing this? What are you getting from this? I just don’t get it,” he responded shakily. 

“Fine. I really do think you’re good. You’ve just had a shit hand. And you’ve managed to make me care about you. So now you’re stuck with me.” 

“That’s it?” 

“Yeah. I just think you’re cool and it would fucking suck to hear you disappeared or turned up dead somewhere.”

“So then what? I just stay here and do what?” 

“I mean, you can make me breakfast sometimes. Those were really good.” Tweek shot him an unimpressed look. Craig let out a quiet ‘oh.’

“What?” 

“You’re solution oriented.” Tweek’s nose scrunched slightly. Craig drummed his fingers on the table for a moment. “Okay. You stay here. You meet my team. We fight angels together until our contracts finish. And when you get better or our contracts end or you just get sick of me, you can bail. Or you can stick around and be my friend or whatever.” 

It was so selfish. It was so ungodly selfish. But Tweek couldn’t deny it another time. He wanted this and he was so tired of wanting things and not being able to have them. A small smile crossed Tweek’s face. “Okay.” 

LINE

“Fucking hell, Tweek,” Wendy breathed out the second he opened his eyes. 

“He’s awake!” Tammy yelled. 

Tweek blinked hard. “Where’s Craig?” he muttered. 

Craig was immediately in his line of view. His face was sobering in the worst way possible. He’d been crying. “Holy shit, Tweeks,” he whispered, carefully taking Tweek’s face in his hand. 

“I’m okay,” he responded. He wasn’t. He felt like he’d just been hit by several cars. But Craig needed him to be okay so he would be. 

“Thank you guys for staying,” he said to Wendy and Tammy. 

Tammy half heartedly pushed Craig out of the way and crouched down so she was eye level with him. “Don’t ever fucking do that again,” she scolded shakily. “And we are hanging out tomorrow. Or the day after if you’re still sore. Okay?” 

“Okay.” 

She nodded, offering him a smile. “Goodnight.” 

“Night, Tam,” he responded weakly. He assumed they were both leaving. “Night, Wends.” 

“Night, hon,” she responded. 

He lingered on a blink. His eyes fluttered open when he heard the door close. The bed dipped down next to him and his gaze landed on Craig. “You’re gonna sleep in here tonight, okay?” 

Tweek took a second to process. He was in Craig’s bed. “Where are you sleeping then?” 

“Couch.” 

“Don’t be stupid. I’ll take the couch.” 

“Tweek. You got shot three times.”

“They were grazes,” he responded weakly. 

“The one in your shoulder didn’t go all the way through. Wendy had to pull the bullet out before I could heal you.” 

Tweek’s stomach twisted. “Seriously?” 

“Yeah,” Craig whispered. “You’re sleeping in a bed tonight. The couch sucks.” 

Tweek knew arguing would get him nowhere so he just relented. “Okay.” 

“Just call me or come wake me up if you need me, okay?” 

He stood up and Tweek was filled with pure desperation. He didn’t want Craig to leave. “I need you now,” he whispered. 

Craig looked back down at him with concern. “What do you need?”

“Can you stay with me? Please.” 

“Oh.” He took a small deep breath. “Okay.” Tweek went to move over and Craig put a hand on him. “Don’t do that.” Tweek just nodded. Craig got in bed from the other side, careful not to touch him. Tweek rolled over and ignored the way Craig frowned. 

“I’m not an invalid,” he muttered. “I’m just sore.” 

“Don’t get defensive because I’m worried,” he responded. 

“Can we watch a movie?” 

Craig blinked slowly, obviously thrown off by the abrupt change in topic. After a quiet moment, he spoke. “Yeah. What do you want to watch?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Wanna watch a rom-com?” 

A quiet laugh bubbled out of Tweek. “Why is that the go to?” 

“You’ve been into them lately,” he responded with narrowed eyes.

“I haven’t been into them. I want to understand them.” His nose twitched slightly. “And I kinda like them.” 

“Whatever you say,” he teased. He grabbed his remote and threw on his TV. The tiny bit of distance between them was painful. Tweek wanted to hold him so much it hurt. But it felt weird to ask. Why do things always need to feel so weird with him? 

A few minutes in, Craig shot him a look. “What?” 

“You’ve been making a face since the movie started.” 

“I’m thinking about something.” 

“What?” 

“Dunno how to bring it up.” 

“That’s okay,” he responded, looking back at the TV. There was a thoughtful moment of silence. “You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to. But you also don’t have to be afraid to tell me anything either.” 

He looked at Craig and anxiety started to ebb at him. Just fucking ask you coward. He took a quiet deep breath. “Can you hold me?” he whispered, partially hoping Craig wouldn’t hear him. Dark blue eyes met his and his stomach dropped. He didn’t say anything, he just reached out and pulled Tweek into him. Tweek adjusted slightly, getting comfortable. He felt so much better. Reality sat on him heavily, but at least he could have this one more time before he dropped the bomb. He had to tell Craig. The sentence felt like it was physically weighing him down, pressing him into the mattress, trying to slowly push him to the deepest pits of hell where he belonged. “Craig?” 

He looked at him so gently it hurt. “Yeah?” 

“I killed someone today,” he whispered. 

Craig didn’t have a visible reaction at first. He slowly adjusted so that they were both resting on his pillow. He still had his arms around Tweek. A gentle hand pushed his bangs out of his face. “I know,” he whispered back. “You saved us though.” He leaned into the touch as Craig ran a hand through his hair, lulling him to sleep. He felt a kiss pressed to the top of his head and he adored everything about the action. It made him feel so safe. It made him feel human. Maybe this was it. Maybe Craig was all he needed. 

[ds-sparrow-manufacturing-co]

beth watches stranger things 4: episode 1

i hate how affable brenner is. i don’t want to be laughing along with him, dammit

oh man he really mourned for 10 huh? shit i don’t like them making him sympathetic

oh great so EVERYONE is fucking dead then! child corpses!

did? el? do that??? girl what??

oh my god that’s a hell of an emotional whiplash

el my beloved

JOYCE

oh they’re really? wow they’re not being subtle about will’s arc this season huh

oh my god stoner jonathan

el is the peak of lesbian fashion actually

right so 1986? they’re what, 15 now?

el honey you’re a bit clingy

mike bestie that is not a look

oh but he is a mood

suzy my detested

“i will repent later” uh

STEVE AND ROBIN! STEVE! AND! ROBIN!

this is the peak of lesbian-himbo solidarity

why are steve and robin at the pep rally haven’t they graduated like 2 years ago at this point-

band sapphics! this is true representation right here

basketball lukas? uh

oh that basketball bitch

is joyce selling encyclopaedias

that sure is a suspicious package

oh el :(

they really went all out on the soundtrack this season

i am a max stan first and a person second

tf kind of high school musical shit is this

this guy looks like he’s about 30 years old and high out of his mind

this is so weird oh my god

sweatervest guy is so iconic

ugh i’m so sick of jonathan and nancy

mike is absolutely iconic this season

kind of stan eddie actually

chrissy and eddie’s friendship is so soft actually

no wonder this season’s so long, there’s about a billion characters

NOOOO FUCKING WAY ITS TAMMY THOMPSON

she really is as bad a singer as they said huh

robin that’s not subtle at all. girl please

erica is the most iconic character this show every gave us

i think they just stretched out the most obvious conclusion to the basketball and dnd over 2 full minutes

what the hell kind of poltergeist shit is this

well rip chrissy i guess

[i-d0nt-even-kn0w]

Thoughts on the Little Shop of Horrors Off-Broadway (2019) Cast Album

The Cast Album for the Little Shop of Horrors Off-Broadway 2019 revival recently came out, so I thought I’d throw in my two cents on it. 

I’m going to write this while listening to it, but I will put a disclaimer ahead of time that so far from what I’ve heard I overall, quite honestly, don’t love it. I don’t think it’s bad, for sure! But I feel like everyone is fawning over Johnathan Groff and Christian Borle and calling it “the best lsoh yet” which I just... don’t agree with at all.

I thought I’d create this post to gather and explain my thoughts as well as create a discussion. Whether you disagree or agree with me, comment in the post; I’d love to hear what y’all think! I’m interested in hearing others opinions and their explanations as to why.

But for now, here’s a bullet pointed list of my thoughts down below:

Johnathan Groff as Seymour

I’ll be transparent and admit that I didn’t think Johnathan would be a good cast for Seymour before I even heard the album, but listening to it confirmed my suspicions. He obviously can sing the notes fantastically (he’s such a good singer ahh!!!), but he also obviously isn’t the type for Seymour. Furthermore, he doesn’t even try to act into the type that Seymour is or character sing like Seymour would. It consequently sounds like he’s playing the typical handsome male lead in a musical, which Seymour isn’t--he’s more of a loser kid type (to quote my sister) and I just don’t think Johnathan pulls it off. 

I hate comparing actors, but I feel it will help to explain what I mean. I think that one of the reasons George Salazar was so good as Seymour in Pasadena Playhouse is because he fits the type and does the character singing, and it feels like how Seymour should feel: a cute, awkward loser. Not a handsome, charismatic guy barely mimicking one.

Tammy Blanchard as Audrey

I cannot say I support Audrey singing in a lower octave the way that this show chose to. Again, they butchered the character voice in the singing, and although some people find it refreshing, I find it out of place. 

I usually am awful at noticing autotune, but even I could hear it in Tammy throughout the album. Not necessarily her fault, but strange some people seemed to think she needed it so much.

Her “I’m sorry, Doctor” and everything after in “Feed Me” sounded so weird and not genuine and felt like she wasn’t even trying to act?

The more I listen to her the more I just really don’t like her Audrey... I’m sorry, Tammy. She’s not a bad singer, just... odd choices for Audrey, odd singing and voice acting choices.

Her “oh my gaaawd” in “Suppertime (Reprise)” and literally everything in it wtf I can’t even try to be polite anymore I’m so sorry Tammy but what?

The worst part of this album I am so sorry, Tammy.

I’ve realized while listening to “Somewhere That’s Green (Reprise)” that maybe Audrey sounds so weird because Tammy is trying to jokingly play up “Audrey is stupid haha” with her character voice and I PRAY that isn’t the case but if it is ooooh I’ll be so mad, Tammy/whoever the director is.

Tom Alan Robbins as Mr. Mushnik

His “Mushnik & Son” is fantastic! One of my favorite songs of the album, honestly. They get the creepiness and forcefulness of it well, it’s funny, and he actually leans into the character voice unlike many of the other actors. 

He doesn’t sound very old, which is what I prefer in a Mr. Mushnik, but this is just me being nit-picky lol.

Overall he’s one of my favorites from this entire album.

Christian Borle as Orin

I actually liked his “Dentist!” Not my favorite, but well done. 

“Now (It’s Just the Gas)” is where it all went wrong... but that’s its own bullet point. 

In all, I think Christian has the capability to be a great Orin, but the change in the musical orchestrations and the direction made him one of my least favorite Orins (but hey, at least he didn’t speak-sing every song like many Orins I’ve seen, thank GOD). I think the direction really voided Orin of any depth, and made him an JUST an unlikeable guy as opposed to an unlikeable guy who is also a comedic sadist who also can at times be genuinely friendly before you see him be a total awful person. Basically, they robbed him of complexity (and yes, Orin DOES have complexity).

His “now spit” didn’t sound like he took pleasure in it at all :(

Again, his “stupid woman, Christ what a freaking scatter-brain” and everything after it didn’t sound intimidating or even like he was trying to act at all... the slap didn’t feel intense as a result, and really killed the climax of “Feed Me”.

Kingsley Leggs as Audrey II

I have to be transparent again and say nothing will beat Michael-Leon Wooley as Audrey II in the 2003 Broadway revival, personally. He sang more into the role, which is how I myself prefer Audrey II to be played. That being said, despite Kingsley Leggs speak-singing more than I’d like, he pulls it off better than any of the many other Audrey II’s I’ve seen do it before, balancing speak-singing with his actual singing voice very well. And his actual singing voice is phenomenal! One of the better parts of the album.

His “Suppertime”? Mwah, chef kiss. Fantastic.

The Urchins

They were great, I don’t really have any criticisms for them, probably because they are roles that give the actors a lot more freedom in terms of acting and vocal choices.

Their “The Meek Shall Inherit”? Mwah, chefs kiss, their voices blend so well together. I love...........

The Orchestrations

They make them different from the usual LSOH orchestrations, most noticeably in “Now (It’s Just the Gas)”, which I will get to soon...

In general it’s not terrible, just not as good as the original in my opinion. I can tell they were going for something different, which I can respect, but it just comes out as odd when I’m listening to it. Perhaps it’s better on stage.

“Now (It’s Just the Gas)”

I have particular criticisms on this song because it’s one of my favorite songs in the show for its complexity, horror, and orchestration. This version, in the process of making it campy and different, gutted the song of it’s meaning.

They sped up Orin’s part in the music, which TOTALLY pulls away from the effective contract between his part and Seymours. Orin’s part should be slow to create the horrifying effect that he is dying slowly, begging slowly for Seymour to help him as he laughs himself to death. Seymour’s part is fast to show his frantic anxiety and fear from what will be his first murder. Instead this effect (which quite frankly is a basic part of any good LSOH) is ruined, and it ends up being a fast paced song all the way through that feels like it is just for laughs. One of the best parts of this song is how creepy and horrifying it is with the layer of comedy. This version of “Now (It’s Just the Gas)”... seems to not understand the song at all.

I personally believe Orin’s laughter should sound fearful at least a bit or at least towards the end, but it never does. It just sounds maniacal and leaning in to the comedy, which really takes away from whatever levity this number should have as Seymour’s first murder and the climax of Act I.

Christian’s Orin doesn’t sound angry (or, again, scared) when he dies. It really just feels like he leans into the joke psycho act, and this lack of character complexity or attempt to make us feel bad for a man literally laughing to death is... ugh.

Johnathan’s “Death?” at the end is much too frightened for my taste, and again creates a loss of impact in the song. The quiet fright yet calmness in which Seymour usually says “Death?” creates a sickening effect where you realize that he allowed a man to suffocate to death slowly while laughing. It’s supposed to be disgusting, not funny, not sympathetic towards Seymour (imo).

If you can’t tell, I am very passionate about this number. It’s a make or break song for me when I’m analyzing “is this a good production of Little Shop of Horrors?”

A Very Dumb Preference of Mine

More nit-picky personal preference thing, but I really prefer LSOH’s where Seymour is shorter than Audrey or at least not too tall. Johnathan is 5′11″ while Tammy is 5′6″. Again, super stupid and nit-picky, but just a personal reason this can’t be my favorite LSOH. It’s all about the subversion of stereotypical romance tropes.....

Bigger Than Hula Hoops

They renamed “Bigger Than Hula Hoops” “Da-Doo (Reprise)” in the album............... I’m being petty but that’s illegal.

CONCLUSION:

I’m sorry, but this is overall my least favorite version of LSOH (based off the cast album, of course!). Perhaps I’m biased, and perhaps people who say it’s their favorite version are biased because they are Johnathan Groff and Christian Borle stans (no shade, I am one as well). Either way, this is just my opinion, and I would again love to hear all your guys’s opinions: why you agree, diagree, etc!

[serenagaywaterford]

I am reading up on Phyllis Schlafly, really infuriating stuff. Definitely seeing a lot of her in Serena (on the show only), right down to even her looks... so I can see why people hate her so much. I don’t know without Yvonne’s nuanced performance, I would’ve had much sympathy and empathy. Or maybe I am just a slut for Yvonne. Oh well... Btw, any interest in Mrs America? It’s got a great cast, although for some reason, I get a sense you aren’t a big Cate fan? Or I got it all wrong?

Well, Schlafly was one of the prominent anti-feminists Atwood based Serena Joy off of so it’s only natural to see the similarities! (The other was Tammy Fay Baker. Amongst, I’m sure, many other women of that ilk during the time period Atwood was writing.) They did strip basically the entire Tammy Fay aspect of Serena out of the TV!Serena. (Which is a shame in some ways, but sort of understandable in others. Book!Serena was a lot to translate, and yet strangely less developed somehow than the show version. Or am I crazy?) I have read some of these women’s essays and such, originally not voluntarily lol but part of a feminism course at uni and the prof thought it was absolutely necessary to read the other wide’s views in order to understand the entire scope of the issues. 

I think it’s pretty much majority opinion that without Yvonne’s specific acting choices and skill (and I suppose–let’s admit the director’s get some credit too lol) for bringing Serena to the screen, most of us wouldn’t find the character so fascinating. And I am not going to pretend to even lie, her looks help too. ;)

Of course I’m interested in Mrs. America. The content of this series is exactly up my alley. I love shit like this. And I have a gross little fascination with cults/terrible social movements and terrible conservative women and why they are so fucking awful lol. (Which leads into my slight preoccupation about how to change their minds so they can be feminists too. So many of them are intelligent, driven women who… my God. If they just could break that patriarchal bullshit mindset… Although admittedly, some seem to be just plain horrible to their bones. And I’ll admit it’s more appealing in fiction, than reality cos in real life people don’t change as easily or dramatically.) 

I’ll tell everyone here a little secret:

I know I probably give off a different vibe lol, but I don’t choose TV shows to watch based on who the actors are. (Subjective opinion time: If I did, I probably wouldn’t have watched THT cos I don’t like Fiennes, Bledel, or Moss all that much. Well, Moss as an actor has grown on me in time, lbr. Fiennes has always bothered me, so he’s perfect for Fred then lol but I still don’t think he’s an excellent actor, and Bledel is such a one-note actor imo. I know, sacrilege. Throw me to the lions, or whatever. Which is why I was pleasantly surprised by some of her scenes in THT, and not shocked when she didn’t deliver in other ones. And, I will fully admit, I didn’t care who the fuck Yvonne Strahovski was prior to her becoming Serena. I’d seen her in Dexter and she never really left an impression. So, based on casting alone, THT would not have been something I particularly cared about. Ann Dowd is about the only actor in THT that I had positive thoughts about cos she is stellar and always is, but she is hardly a main character in THT lol.) 

So, disliking an actor isn’t really an issue unless I particularly loathe one and know I wouldn’t be able to stand watching them under any circumstances. (This is rare.) Yes, sometimes I’ll give something a shot I otherwise wouldn’t cos I love a specific actor in it, but that doesn’t mean I will stick with it even if it sucks or say it’s great when it’s clearly not. I’m not one of those completists that must watch everything a certain person has been in. (Not anymore, anyway lol. When I had time and money in my youth, that was a different story. You bet I watched everything I could that had Natalie Portman, Laura Linney, Olivia Wilde, or Amy Adams in it lol.)

About Cate Blanchett. Um. I don’t dislike her? I actually enjoy her work as an actor… mostly, from what I’ve seen. (I very much disliked Carol, which is perhaps where you’re getting my dislike of her from? I thought it was a slow, boring, underwhelming movie. And I hated the age gap. But that’s not Cate’s fault. I also dislike Rooney Mara…so, yeah.) 

I’ve watched quite a few other films with Blanchett. Some were great, some sucked. As most actors have in their filmography. I adamantly don’t follow the tumblr/twitter lesbian trend of mooning over Cate because I am firmly and obstinately opposed to stanning straight people as “lesbian icons uwu” or “honorary lesbians” (See also: Hozier, Taylor Swift, Rachel Weisz, Harry Styles, etc etc.). I hate it (esp when it’s straight MEN) and I will not join in, even if they are outspoken activists for gay rights. Which none of them are. That just makes them a decent person, not a gay icon/honorary gay.

“Rather, I mention it as a reminder to myself, and to you, of an unfortunate yet undeniable fact: Heterosexuality is an overwhelmingly common trait for our so-called gay icons.

Celebrity fandom is really just a bizarro reflection of ourselves: who we are, what we value, who we want to be, and, sometimes, who we want to fuck. Our faves are us, basically, just in that creepy sexy lady Snapchat filter. And as fans, we invest in the celebrities we love. We help their interview clips go viral; we see their movies in theaters then stream them at home; we loudly cheer their awards season campaigns on social media. The celebrities we choose to uplift reap our time and our attention and our clicks and our money. They accumulate both our cultural and literal capital; they gain buzz and caché and glossy magazine profiles; they get bigger roles and bigger paychecks.” [this article is a basic explanation, but doesn’t get nearly as nasty as I would if I wrote it, lol.]

That doesn’t mean I don’t like Blanchett. It just means I don’t have the energy to waste on gushing over her cos she wears suits really well, goes to a drag brunch, and has played a lesbian once (that I know of, like, I’ll admit I don’t follow her career lol). She’s good. She’s done good roles. She’s not gay and shouldn’t be a lesbian icon, nor is she my fav ever. So, meh. She’s fine. I do appreciate her… energy? If that’s a thing. It’s a very self-assured, self-sufficient female energy that she emanates in her acting, and offscreen I would argue. It’s refreshing. I love confidence without arrogance or egoism. (Altho, lbr, all famous actors are egoists. It’s basically a pre-req. Some are just excellent at not letting it show.) But if I want to talk about an otherworldly tall lanky blonde actress, I’d prolly lean towards Tilda Swinton lol.

I’m looking forward to her in Stateless and Mrs America. I think she has potential to do both roles quite well. Although… I will say her American accent often leaves a lot to be desired lol. But it’s getting better. If I’m going to gush over any “lesbian icon” in Mrs. America, it’ll be Sarah Paulson. 

[unclefathersantateddy]

I'm still thinking about this so I quickly sketched out the rest of this scene

Okay so after I posted Chloe Barbash and Hugo on my bitch list, a few of you reblogged saying that Tammy deserves to be on there too.

WELL, I've had many thoughts about this and can certainly say Tammy doesn't belong on the hit list.

So, Tammy Larsen, the Mean Girl of Wagstaff School. Now, Tammy has a very long reputation of misbehaving, getting Tina into trouble, and generally being an unpleasant person. HOWEVER.

We all know Tina is autistic coded, she has a slower processing speed when there is a group of people talking together. She often misses sarcasm, and typically takes any tone as sincere until it's explicitly explained otherwise.

In Broadcast Wagstaff School News (S3E12), Tammy and Tina have a rivalry to uncover the mystery pooper. In that episode, this is the scene that completely changed my perspective on Tammy Larsen.

Tammy is trash talking Tina, but Tina is taking her tone as sincere. So whilst Tammy is getting motivated for the show, Tina is diffusing the sportsmanship with sincerity in hoping they both find who the mad pooper is. Given this social vulnerability, Tammy - for a brief moment - has the "upper hand" on Tina. But instead of utilising this power dynamic, she uses clear communication to explain to Tina what is happening. That they're trash talking, not just Tammy insulting Tina whilst Tina sincerely wants to help. Tammy consciously brings Tina onto the "same page", instead of letting Tina be socially vulnerable.

So, whilst Tammy is objectively a privileged and narrow-minded girl over superficial things (like calling Tina working in her family's restaurant "gross"), that is just how fickle teenagers are. They're best friends then worst enemies in the space of a week. But this is an excellent portrayal of emotional intelligence and maturity by Tammy.

And for that, she deserves to stay off the bitch list.