#am fine tho
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Hey hope you're doing okay How are you doing?
Ello! I’ve been doing fine
Just been a bit busy :3
#aster talks#aster answers#eep- I didn’t mean to worry anyone aaaaaa-#am fine tho#n safe (I don’t leave the apartment on weekends lol-)#tho if anyone has questions about a particular person I will answer them (I dunno how to specifiy who it is without it needing a tw oop-)#but I’ll answer them!#and I’ll also figure out how to give myself a starting point to liking and reblogging because I… am lazy and don’t feel like scrolling-#-past that many things to like and reblog them a
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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unconditionally
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#megumi#yuuji#im shaky and numb the way this took years off my life#genuinely cannot believe i thought it was smart to make it a comic i could have stuck at a painting and it would have been fine#but nooooooo in my hubris i thought Surely im an expert at this longform stuff now Surely i can do it :)#and then it killed me it killed me dead this is like over twice as long as the train comic and 4 times as detailed#backgrounds . angles. i yearn fr death.#AND I HAD 2 WRITE THEM ACTUALLY TALKING GGSDH i am actually so insecure abt the way the dialogue flows gomen....#i wanted to add more to it to fix how clipped and rushed i think it reads#but that would mean drawing more expressions would mean drawing more panels would mean more gd hyDRANGEAS#so ultimately i decided 2 have the conversation take the hit because let me tell u.#if i have to draw. one more blue petal i will snap i will lose it#i knew tht would happen n wanted to alleviate some of the pain so i found a few brushes that helped speed up the process#but the thing w a lot of premade flower brushes is they also come preshaded n look uniform in a way that stands out badly against my style#so i had 2 render over them anyway........#yuuji's domain rly putting me through the wringer first the train station now death by a bajillion petals smh#all that to say tho . my labour of love . i am going to take a nap#hina.comic
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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Let us be brutally honest with ourselves and with eachother for a moment. If he weren't obese you motherfuckers would be capable of percieving evrart claires sexy sexy moral ambiguity and complex charms
#i am (lesbian) sipping him like a fine DESSERT WINE#my evidence by the way is very simple and very damning. joyce messier. there i said it.#if you guys can appreciate the fact that Joyce is a complex figure worthy of disgust yes but also worthy of empathy#despite being a venal coward facilitating acts of violence and slaughter of the organized working poor of martinaise in the name of capital#if you can understand that she is a dimensional figure while also being an embodiment of the moral apathy and cruelty if capital owners#but you cant look at evrart and see that he is (while deeply flawed and morally suspect) also a dimensional figure#on top of the fact that his motivations are eminently relatable and dare i say it baser#and his greatest failing imho is in failing to advocate for the interests of *all* the poor of martinaise#opting instead to marginalize the inhabitants of the fishing village in favor of a power grab in the interests of himself and his union#though this is imo a bit of a grey area morally. undeniably a wrong and bad thing to do but done in service of clairs political goals#to gather power to advocate for the working class against ultraliberal monoliths like wild pines and fascistic orgs like krenel#still super wrong but i can follow the moral arithmetic there tho i don't like it#but like my point is if u can see that joyce is evil and pathetic but still cool and sexy but you consider clair flatly distasteful#thats cus hes not conventionally attractive#cus he is *every bit* as dimensional and interesting as joyce and he is not nearly as politically shite even if hes interpersonally a jerk
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Long car trips mean hunch over my ipad and film dumb stupid videos in restaurants at 11pm 😍 (future me screw u idk if it’s shaky also do not perceive me)
(That one vine)
Also have the things
#I didn’t even plan to use this audio LMAO#it worked ig I just added words#hijack#jackycup#it’s so wild yall car trips fuck me up cuz what do u mean I slept 4 hours straight and now there’s snow#IN CALI??#ate some bomb ass food tho while filming and my sis just stared at me the whole time 😔#ig that’s how toofthelss greets people LMAO#expressions are fun#I may not animatic but I can sure hope and dream#if u see this no u didn’t#a little loopy it’s fine yall#edit: omgf ITS SO SHAKY I AM ASHAMED#TY FOR LIKING THIS BUT ALSO WOW DO I KINDA HAYE IT#😔 it’s ok I’ll just dig a hole and lay down for a while it’s fine
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I need him to bury me in affection right now
#more dca doodles as stress relief cause I am!!! a mess rn!!!!#I mean im fine but aaa woo boy#anYWHOMST! idk why my brain is dragging sun and moon out of the depths of my mind and into the front#After not drawing them for ages I suddenly wanna give them attention again#poor fellas gotta share my attention with WH tho lmao#dca fanart#dca fandom#daycare attendant#fnaf dca#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf security breach#fnaf sun#my art#sketches#self insert x canon#dont tell moon that sun is my favorite im sorry moon i love you too so much i promise
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cavalry captain toying with eleventh of the fatui harbingers
#chaeya#childe#tartaglia#kaeya#kaeya alberich#genshin impact#my art#full art#it is 100% a sketch tho but it took so long idk anymore#as per usual in my head it was cooler and made more sense . but i hope it still turned out fine akjsdhaskl#i am never dropping the 'childe is complete simp for kaeya' bit
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they could have been such haters together
(ID in alt text)
#dungeon meshi#mirumisu#mithrun of the house of kerensil#milsiril of the house of tol#dungeon meshi spoilers#mithrun dungeon meshi#milsiril dungeon meshi#doodles#mine#the filename is xoxogossipgirl#yes im still on my mirumisu missed connections yuri bullshit. they could have been their worst selves ever........ TOGETHER#it's fine tho bc now they can be their less worse selves..... together <3 and deal untold psychic damage to kabru#having sooo much trouble w the other big dm piece im doing so i meant this to be a quick mental refresh and um. took too long to be casual#unclear if i am refreshed or if the farcille kiss will take me out of commission again. that's the beauty of life <3#save me mirumisu..... mirumisu save me.....
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hellow. it has been a while hasn’t it? i want to apologize to everyone for not being around that much. i keep wanting to come back, keep wanting to take cases on again, but every time i want to my life somehow gets worse
i haven’t forgotten you all. i think about this service and these cases all the time, and i feel so guilty for not helping yall find the posts you’re looking for. i’ve considered abandoning this blog altogether just to try and hide from the responsibility. it’s all a lot. it’s so much. i’m not gonna abandon it because i wanna have hope ill come back to it someday
i really hope one day i can come back. i hope one day i can do this again. but today isn’t that day and that day doesn’t look at all close by
i am so sorry to everyone. i have let you all down
#yes i’m crying typing this#that’s fine tho#why am i posting this who cares about me#hellsite detective
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i feel like i'm fighting for my fucking life here
#ultrakill#hollow knight#risk of rain 2#baldur's gate 3#there are absolutely more out there these are just the primary ones from games *i* play#it's totally fine to hc other pronouns tho like it's very obvious when it's just queer ppl having fun#i'm talking abt the ppl who default to he/him pronouns when referring to nonhuman characters#it's always he/him too . like what's up with that#i am an any pronouns user but it/its are my favourites#and i dunno Feelsweird when it/its is pretty adamantly used for characters ingame and ppl just throw it aside#'oh but it/its pronouns are dehumanising' that's the POINT !!!!! grrr#i like it/its because it makes me feel LESS human . i connect with these characters because they are inhuman and monstrous fundamentally#. you know#this is all in good fun btw i'm not that serious about this#just felt like it needed to be pointed out
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ewww yuck nastyy
#cw blood#cw gore#osc#osc fanart#object show community#object show#object show fanart#object show fandom#objectified comic#objectified comic fanart#objectified sunny#cw scopophobia#kips art#this drawing is soo experimental but i like it#i feel like this is too much/messy andu cant tell whats going on but i think its fine#this is the only thing il draw relatinf to pale horse#im going back to drawing ww n sunny fluff#my boy.......#pale horse is actually one of my favorite episodes so far despite everything#rn tho i am too scared to reread it because i am a weak weak person
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The boys are back in town (to kill you!!)
Still versions under the cut!
Here's V1 Bloodmoon, 👇
And here's V2 Bloodmoon! 👇
#xero creations#I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOR 2 POST THEM SOONER THATS SO TRAGIC HDJSBDJDND#they lichrelly got turned into silly little discord stickers b4 i set them loose on tumblr smh /silly /silly#AHEM. YEA THO THESE WERE SUPER FUN LMAO#i've been wanting to wade into animation for a but now so i figured that some simple 2 frame gifs is a fair starting point !!! im rlly-#-proud od how these turned out but also i'm soooo fine on doing fully colored animations for the forseeable future BAHAHA#v2 bloodmoon gave me sooo much hell with having 2 actually match up the lines 😭 BUT IT WAS SO WORTH IT . again#i am So proud of these. it was tedious but damn its nice to look at them schmove LOL#sun and moon show#the sun and moon show#tsams#sams#sams bloodmoon#tsams bloodmoon#sams bloodtwins#tsams bloodtwins#v1 bloodmoon#v2 bloodmoon#gif
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wanted to practice some more intense angry expressions and what better excuse to further my agenda of giving megumi the emotional catharsis he deserves
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#yall know tht one juuzou panel gjkgdghjkdfhgjkgd#guess what was my ref fr bottom right#i think megumi deserves to scream real guttural at least once#i think it would be good for him and i certainly would not complain to see it#i love stoic emotionally constipated characters dont get me wrong but also like. come on. points at the 'whatever!' scene#he's so GOOD when he gets to be expressive like PLEASE#anyway i once again have to do everything myself in this house when it comes to this kid#so i am treating myself to 4 flavours of angry megu#here we've got a fine selection of enraged ; holding himself back from clocking a mf by a thread ; seething ; and tortured :D#the classic capricorn emotions#real talk tho anger is Hard to draw#also bad fr the state of my skin probably with the way i was subconsciously Making these expressions as i drew#gna give myself wrinkles at 24 i had my brow furrowed so deeply
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I know a normal amount abt waistcoats
#fantasy high junior year#riz gukgak#heard americans call those vests. deranged. thats not what that is#riz gukgak is a character made to target me specifically bc I am aroace and I love drawing formal menswear more than god#tho Ive been giving riz hard sole shoes which. wouldnt be good for stealth#I wear those I know. you can hear that shit through a meter of concrete#probably less important in a setting with real actual magic so its fine. but its something I do think abt#this kid is so fun to draw... its a Problem for me. I have to force myself to do my goddamn job knowing I could be drawing him instead#its a curse. I have to treat myself at the end of the day. sucks to be here so much
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"That is where you are wrong, my boy!"
@ratb4stard3 and I deliver another Cowardlyghostbro's(™) collab ✨💛
#Cinderellas castle#The brother of all time did Sir hop and the background 💛💛💛💛#Obsessed with the little froggy scales on Jon btw oh ymgod and just how great he and sir hop look in general i am UNWELL#also just...theeeee background!!!! uhggng!!!!#i can't get over it - its so good#the vibe is jUST RIGHT uhgughughguhuhg loooook at it oh ymgofdddloooooookiminufd#This ones going up in the CGB clubhouse's Hall Of Fame#adjsgkfs gosh I've been wanting to do Fanart for cinderella's castle for a long time but i was struggling really badly with it#But then i was sent the Cursed “Let's collaborate” business card by my favorite ghost and all was well#no you wont get any more context on that#Love doing art with the brother tbh - he makes it feel less like a chore when art is feeling difficult and it becomes a lot more fun 🙏#even tho i take forever with my part#he says its fine but don't listen to him he's crazy 😔😔👎#starkid#Cinderella's castle#what are even the tags for this uh#sir hop a lot#Crumb#??#crumb the mouse#crumb the squire#dunno if i'd count this as spoilers but just in case#cinderella’s castle spoilers#cc spoilers#cinderellas castle spoilers#brrotothers forrerevvrerrer#also i was supposed to post this earlier BUT I FORGOT because im a MONSTER#but its fine#mhm
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