#am I ever going to stop being obsessed with them?

[frogsandfries]

I am incredibly lucky to never have had to sleep rough. If I am ever in a hard spot, there is always, at the very least, a floor for me to sleep on, if not a couch or a whole room. There have been, and will continue to be, a lot of periods where I've been between work due to my mental and physical health. If I had just five hundred or a thousand dollars for free, and could still get my health cared for, it would take such a burden off my shoulders.

In my periods of unemployment, I have never stopped using my hands--writing, working on a graphic novel, bead weaving, sculpting, typesetting, book binding. My skills aren't exactly cohesive, and they aren't hip or anything like that. But my skills are valuable in and of themselves. If I could financially contribute to my home and household with something like UBI, it would take a massive burden off me to find a job or find some way to capitalize from my skills, when honestly, no one is going to want to pay fair prices for my skills when they can just order something similar drop-shipped to them.

The only times I get bored are times when there is literally nowhere to go (the library and the bar, that's it right now, gotta love Wisconsin). Being depressed is not the same thing as being bored.

I would still never stop using my hands. Even having surgery on my hands hasn't stopped me from determinedly using my hands. Crafting and modeling and stitching and writing--the resume I've built for my own personhood and pleasure--I took on those skills of my own initiative for the joy of it, for the knowing that I could share these objects, some of them immediately and for the short term, and some of them ideally will last for generations with careful treatment.

I would love to bitch that my money isn't making me enough money. Why the fuck would I need $100,000 of passive fucking income??? I could honestly stop at about $2500 right now, so maybe I would stop at $5,000 to future-proof myself.

A life obsessed with the dollar signs sounds fucking miserable. "Omg if I earn $50,000 less this year, I'll have to cook a whole meal each week and do my own grocery shopping once a month 😱" Fridge frigging magnets, I literally cannot imagine what it would be like to never, ever worry about food or taking a month-freaking-long vacation.

Despite every moment of life being indescribably precious and a wondrous mystery, I will spend it caring about dividends and how many rental properties I have.

[velvetvexations]

I guess Plaidos is doing that thing where she unblocks me to reblog me again lol.

Accusing me of pretending to be a trans woman is in fact misgendering me. I am a trans woman. I provably have a voice that can only belong to a person AMAB or someone who's tried very hard over a long period of time to masculinize their voice, so if I'm not a 'TMA' person, you must be necessarily be accusing me of being a man, although it would not be any better if you were saying I was any other kinna non-trans woman either, because it's still misgendering to say a trans woman is faking being a trans woman regardless.

You're misgendering a trans woman when you say I'm not a trans woman. You literally said me claiming to be a trans woman is the same as a conservative man making an attack helicopter joke. You can apologize for that at your leisure.

Extremely conceited. You come up on my blog fairly infrequently, but you have over fifteen times the followers I do and what you say has reverberations in trans discourse, so sometimes I get anons letting me know what new hornet's nest you've kicked off. I don't look at your blog because it makes my skin physically crawl. The fact that you're an Actually Popular Trans Woman on Tumblr, unlike me, means that you're going to get talked about occasionally because every time you say some dumb shit your gaggle of idiots is ready to enthusiastically vomit it at the other minority groups you call slurs.

Sincerely, get the fuck over it, you're either a prominant transfeminist literary analysist or you aren't.

It's literally a content warning, because you're a hateful and offensive person, but it's wild I should even have to defend that since 'transfeminists' will tag posts hating on me on a regular basis for no particular reason.

If you actually do go through that tag, you'll see that I tend to only ever talk about you in response to people bringing you up first, or in the case of you misgendering me, you talking about me first. The only real exception is that I made two posts about the Dropout discourse you blatantly started for attention, which was (a) still brought to me by anons since I'd not have known you were responsible for that otherwise and (b) a special interest of mine I was really fucking pissed off that you were fucking up with the bullshit that special interest was an escape from.

I'm not sending anyone to do anything, moron.

Your vanity is not charming. I've talked about you lately in direct response to you talking about and misgendering me. You are discussing me too dummy.

I don't think you should be transmisogynistically harassed, but I'm absolutely fucking not responsible for someone with fifteen times the followers I have getting backlash to things like defending a 4chan slur for non-binary people. Like, no, actually, someone taking issue with that is not on me, and considering what you think counts as transmisogyny, I'm not really sure I even buy your characterization of said backlash, especially if they're "directly referencing" anything I say.

Completely unsupported by your behavior! Do you remember when you were randomly like "if you're wondering what velvetvexations is up to, she's saying you can call trans women hysterical because they don't have uteruses" when that was not what I fucking said?

I've tried making the same "I'll never mention you if you don't mention me" offer to people who obsessively stalk my blog before, including people who I would never talk about anyway because they don't have nearly the same presence on this website. I've asked them to stop screenshotting my blog and lying about me and getting anons sent to my inbox as a result. I've reported them to Tumblr, who doesn't consider it harassment. Each time the people stalking me - which is what they were actually doing to me, unlike me occasionally commenting when someone tells me you've caused some new discourse - was laughed at and told I simply deserve it or bring it upon myself.

Once again, you position yourself as a serious transfeminist activist and you have the following to back it up. You have influence in the conversation around transfeminism and as a trans woman I have a right to talk about it. Tell people to stop parroting your every word, or better yet, entirely stop kicking at trans men and non-binary people literally every day. Like literally every day you do this, it's why I can't look at your blog because it fucking repulses me.

You don't do anything to help trans women. You don't care about trans women. You care about being cruel to other trans people and using that to prop up your own crumbling ego. I would love it if your opinions weren't unfortunately popular and constantly being widely disseminated among others, but like, they are, and it's fucking disastrous for everyone involved. I don't hate you more than any other dumbass radfem.

I've helped TERFs deradicalize and retransition. You will never in your life do a quarter of what I do for transfeminism. The most you will ever accomplish is being an aggressive contrarian who's too unoriginal to come up with headcanons that weren't popular with transmascs first and claiming it a win when you say they're too stupid and shallow to interpret art correctly.

[drunken-devotion]

my les mis fan fic recommendations :3

these are all my fav les mis fics that i wanna share!! most of it is between enjoltaire or jehanparnasse (though there is other ships too), definitely make sure to check out any warnings but i would recommend all of these!! i love them a lot <3

if any authors want to be untagged lmk!

It’s Not The Same Anymore - Enjolras/Grantaire | 173k words | my all time favourite fic out of any fandom i’ve read, it’s so so sweet <3 i reread it this a lot and recommend it everywhere LOL. i love everything about this fic!!!! | author -> @shamedumpster

Of Growth And Decay - Montparnasse/Jehan | 27k words | hades x persephone au | absolutely adore this fic i think about it so much <33 i reread this so often as well!! jehanparnasse being compared to hades/persephone is my favourite thing ever | author -> @just-french-me-up

Le Conte de Café - Montparnasse/Jehan | 45k words | faerie jehan owns a lil cafe <3 soso sweet i love it !! | author -> @mysunfreckle

Liberté, Egalité, Demi-plié - Enjolras/Grantaire | 71k words | ballet au!!! i love the concept of this fic a lot it was so interesting!! ballet au’s have my heart | author -> @darrenjolras

The Bug Collector - Combeferre/Enjolras | 812 words | can i just talk about how much i love everything stevie writes? perfect every time. ly @thatisntverycombefair

[series] At The Shrine Of Friendship Never Say Die - collection of sick!one shots surrounding the triumvirate

Even If There Are Monsters - Cosette/Marius | Enjolras/Grantaire | 38k words | DRACULA AU. i’m so obsessed with this. 2 of my biggest interests mixed i love it <333 | author -> @syrupsyche

Geraniums - Enjolras/Grantaire/Combeferre | 3k words | lil flower shop au <3 | author -> @putoriius

I’ve Seen Sinking Ships Go Down With More Grace Than You - Combeferre/Courfeyrac | 25k words | courfeyrac gets temporary amnesia. chaos ensues! i love this fic a lot

Beyond Time And Possibility - Enjolras/Grantaire | 16k words | when i say this fic lingers in the back of my mind constantly I MEAN IT. enjoltaire sort of time travel au with canon era enjolras x modern grantaire. the ending ruined me. | author -> @bittersweet-skylines

Beautiful & Good - Enjolras/Grantaire | 200k words | this was the first les mis fic i ever read!!!! i love it so so so much. i love the writing of this so much & the ending <333 so so good. | author -> @riotstarruika

Oillet Rouge - Montparnasse/Jehan | 4k words | canon era unrequited jehanparnasse . this made me cry and i haven’t stopped thinking about it since i read it </3

The Two Sides Of Monsieur Valentine - Montparnasse/Jehan | 5k words | one of the first fics i read of these two and it’s stuck with me i love it so much <33 | author -> @television-bodies

Oh It’s What You Do To Me - Enjolras/Grantaire | 7k words | long distance exr <3

16 Lies And Counting - Montparnasse/Jehan | 85k words | UGHHHHHH i love this fic so much. another one by sunfreckle and let me say, all of their fics are honestly so so good. i had to really hold back from not putting more

Everything Changes - Cosette/Marius | 1.1k words | cute lil marisette story <3

Magical Museums - 648 words | short natm au where feuilly works at a museum!!! i love it. i am obsessed with this concept as well

Something Telling (Between Then And Now) - Enjolras/Grantaire | 99k words | time travel au! canon era enjolras is transported to the future with modern era grantaire!! love this one. | author -> @dannypuro

Demiromantic - Montparnasse/Jehan | 1.7k words | i project heavily onto jehan & believe he’s demi so seeing this made me sob. i love it so much <3 it’s so cute

[my-current-obsession]

every time i see bakudeku compared to k/ance (now specifically in terms of them getting shafted in the ending and/or accused of queerbaiting) i take psychic damage

[bedforddanes75]

i just think you deserve eternal happiness actually. funny and actually nice. u are jesus. anyway No pls i AM AFRAID u are simply too cool and i cant deal

[seonghwasblr]

SVT coming to Europe for the first time ever in 9 years (not counting Gastonbury, cause that was sold out a year before they were announced, so carats didn't get a chance to go) and it's not even going to be ot13 should be a crime.. AND IT'S BECAUSE OF A SCHEDULE?!

[itsalwaysdark]

i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms

[jackass-jones]

Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩

[chaimachi]

Am I staring aggressively at this Infinite Crisis Part 3 movie because two characters from one of my childhood OTP are both revealed to be in it? Yes. Am I aggressively manifesting that they finally get to reunite after their OG show got canned because fuck CN? Yes. Am I secretly worried I will get absolutely 0 crumbs and be left mad that I got my hopes up? Very much yes. Please for all that is good in the world just let Razer and Aya reunite or I will cry.

[widevibratobitch]

.

[running-in-the-dark]

the thing is. I've said many times that it'd probably be better if I didn't post on here so much, especially when I'm not doing so great. it does not feel good. but. when I don't, it just all stays inside my head and it feels so much worse for far longer, so I really just don't know how I would cope without this.

[yuribalisms]

I need to uproot my entire life and start from scratch or I’m gonna go insane

[slimyenemy]

yeah and like i even care about all that i just had a loml crush on them and wanted to be friends with them online

[eggmeralda]

for some reason everything I did when I was 17 was so interconnected that I can't repeat any of it without the rest of it all coming back. if that makes sense

[orcelito]

While dragon age veilguard is so fun, I must admit. I do miss the earlier games.

(Under a cut bc I unintentionally rambled a LOT...)

It's so. *Polished*. Blatantly very beautiful. And it does have some fun conversations. I don't like the fact that you can only have 2 companions with you at a time though. I miss the inventory management stuff too... which is smth I never thought I'd say, but it does feel kinda. Low-stakes in terms of item consumption. No matter how rough a battle gets, every resource I use will regenerate given a bit of time and/or a trip to the lighthouse. The EXP system is also so strange. I love defeating enemies that are well above my level bc it usually grants me a Massive amount of exp (for the level I'm at) so it gives me a giant boost. In this game, I beat two champions and a fucking revenant like 15 levels lower than them and what did I get for it??? Some items I don't use, a bit of exp, access to a few places I couldn't go otherwise...which are nice I guess, but not rly that worth it??? I'm still fighting them bc I find it fun, but it does kinda suck a bit of the satisfaction out of it. Also fights giving exp per encounter and not per enemy??? Like if it was exp gained at the end of an encounter calculated by what you fought, that'd be fine. But it'll grant the same amounts of exp no matter how many enemies are in these fights. Really, most of the exp weight is in completing missions. *massively* more exp there. Which kinda makes me sad, bc im the type who does enjoy grinding via fighting enemies and getting stronger. (But also I like the Fast Forward option of fighting BIG things for extra boost, mentioned above). Also, no body looting?? At all??? Sometimes they drop stuff, but rarely. Most of my average item drop grinding is from breaking every box and barrel I see (which is really quite funny for how no one Ever reacts to it). Ultimately, it's lots of fun, but it's missing some of these key rpg experiences that I enjoy that earlier dragon age games Did Have. So that's kinda a bummer.

I also just. Miss the stakes of the earlier games. Like we have world shattering stakes here etc etc oh no another blight but this one's Different... it's like they forgot that you don't have to keep shooting further upward to make things interesting. Like there's only so much gravity of stakes before it starts to feel kinda... idk, boring to me??? I don't care about all this Fighting The Gods shit. I don't like how they did this plot point anyways, specifically with them establishing that the elven Gods were actually all tyrant mages that enslaved the elves & the vallaslin (an important culutral symbol to the dalish identity) were actually slave markings. It feels so massively disrespectful & dismissive of polytheistic cultures, bc they're saying the elves, a group of marginalized people with some clinging desperately to their old heritage, are all mistaken about their gods. And it's only the True god (the Maker)(100% just Christianity in a fantasy setting) that is a real actual god. Or something. I just HATE IT.... and also how they're portraying Tevinter and Antiva, especially with the rewriting of the Crows being some noble and familial order instead of conductors of child torture etc etc. And Tevinter keeps going on about the magisters and the venatori and the slaves and it talks about the Shadow Dragons' work but we don't actually. See much of anything??? At least not yet. They just look like they're sitting there twiddling their thumbs. Would love to actually participate in a slave break or something. See stuff more overtly instead of all the slaves talk being just talk??? Idfk it's Tevinter, smth that has long been a boogeyman for the series bc of its evil mages and slavery, but like... we don't even see any slaves around. They're mentioned Plenty, and they show iconography of it, but it just feels like the true horrors are off hidden... somewhere. Somewhere else. I mean aside from the stuff in like. The underwater prison, where we saw the effects of the blood magic experimentation, but EVEN THEN, slaves were only mentioned. It's like they were too scared to ever show a single actual slave. And after knowing and loving Fenris for so long, it kinda feels insulting??? Feels like the slaves are being denied their personhood. They can only exist as concepts, not actual people for us to see and know their pain. It's reductive, honestly.

Which, that's a good word. That explains this game in a lot of ways. It's Reductive. With the Crows, the magisters, how they present and have us handle the Gods + veil situation... even with all the death and destruction, it doesn't feel like there are any real stakes. Just oh no, more people are dead. I played the Treviso vs Minrathous choice today, chose Minrathous, and I was surprised by how... anticlimactic that fight was??? Like I guess I'm also pretty damn strong and that dragon was pretty challenging even for me. But not That challenging. And I didn't even get to finish the fight. And ALSO they mentioned something about the venatori marching on the magisterium or something?? But then I didn't get to do anything about it??? Just, oh fight's done, let's pop on over to the other city now. Other city is wrecked bc they just couldn't get the dragon to come down... which I know it's bc Rook has the knife that the dragon comes down to fight them, but *surely* they could've shot at the dragon with arrows in Treviso... for it to get low enough to blight everything??? And they couldn't do Anything?????? So like it does suck, there are definite stakes, I hate seeing Treviso overrun by blight like this and it's interesting that they had named characters die from it. I'll miss Heir bc I kinda liked her (WHICH IS WEIRD GIVEN SHES A TRAINER FOR THE CROWS AND YOU KNOW WHAT WE HEARD ABOUT TRAINING IN THE CROWS BEFORE?!?!?! But not this trainer don't worry she's niceys :3)(🙄🙄🙄🙄). But EVEN STILL... It just. It all just felt so anticlimactic. It wasn't a hard enough fight to merit it completely wrecking the other town like that. And the fact that i literally sent half my team to help out the other place!!! The literal only difference is that I had this damned dagger!!! It seems like such a bullshit small excuse to make me make some big difficult choice. Also the dagger being the idol that they found with Bertrand in da2???? That feels so weird. Something about purifying it or whatever but idk it just feels so *weird*.

Idk I miss the earlier games where it felt like things actually mattered. The romances were deep and complex. Again, with Fenris, we got to see how his trauma fucked with him in so many ways and how it took him literal *years* to feel ready for romance. And the passage of time!!!!! Like origins was wonderful for a classic epic rpg story kinda thing, a very good game, but da2 was amazing for how it spanned very little actually, but felt so *important*. It was just us living out a decade with this guy in a fucked up city with his fucked up friends. Everything felt like it *mattered*. It felt like we were actually part of the world.

Which that's another thing, isn't it?? The immersion, the feeling like I'm Part of the world... inquisition also struggled with this in a similar way to veilguard, though to its credit veilguard does try to tie in character backstories more... but we still don't *see* that. In origins and da2, you get a preview of your life Before everything happened. So you see how you ended up how you are. You also got to see your backstory characters at the start of the game, instead of them tossing some characters in front of you and going "Oh yeah, you know them :]" like no I dont???? Idfk it just makes it feel like it matters less.

AND ALSO!!!!!!!!!!!

The mages vs templars thing was such a central part of the games prior to this, and also the stuff on the treatment of elves. I got *one* dialog thing about how hard it must've been growing up in Tevinter as an elf (since I'm the shadow dragon background + an elf) but besides that??? Barely any mention at all. And there's next to no mention of mages with this, which I guess is largely due to the game being set in places other than Ferelden and Orlais....... but idfk man I feel like the world wouldn't be *this* different, minus like. Tevinter, obviously. Even then, we barely see mention of how elves are treated Even In Tevinter, where they are literally largely *enslaved*. I don't know if they've even mentioned that the slaves are all elves. I don't remember it at least if they did mention it (and I have a good memory). And fuck me, I do miss the mages vs templar thing, if only bc of how central it was and how Weird it feels for it to be a nonissue now. Even with us being in a different region of the world, it feels like we've just. Lost touch with the world's key influences. And reduced them all to just... oh no, here's some more death and blood magic. Which is awful, sure, but it feels like Everything awful in this game is just chalked up to death and blood magic and blight. I keep discovering letters in the field and I know they're gonna be dead. Like every time. Go out to find someone? Oh, they're dead now. Or blighted. Or they're dying and we get to hear their last words. I think the only exception for this was when we found the younger cousin in the Crows... which. Even Then. His elder cousin, who we were going after, was found dead. Where's the complexities!?!??!?! Why is everything just death and destruction!??!?!?!? There are more fucked up things to do with characters than just killing them or throwing darkspawn at them!!!!!! It's exactly this kind of thing that's desensitizing me to it in this game. Like oh no more death. Oh well, let's keep on exploring. 🙄🙄🙄🙄 it is, yet again, Reductive.

Now ALL THIS BEING SAID.... I am still obsessively playing veilguard and am having a ton of fun with it. But it just... doesn't Really feel like a dragon age game to me. It's fun, but only really when you assess it on its own. If you look at it in the context of the world at large and the earlier games, its writing just feels so, so weak. I've rambled for forever now and I still have more things I could complain about, but I will not. Because this post is long enough.

I just really miss origins and da2....

[29121996]

four of my coworlers fromy bar job came into my nightclub job