#am I ever going to stop being obsessed with them?
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Dangerous
(Idol x reader, hook up, nda, tds3, foreplay, oral sex, unprotected sex, creampie, pet names, obsession)
Summary; Imagine the face y/n made when she realized an NDA was right in front to her face. What was a first-time VIP Nctdream experience, turned into amazing sex with Jaemin.
warnings; mature content MINORS DNI!
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Ticketing for Nctdream was the most stressful experience. Y/n spent all of her lunch break anticipating how ticketing would go, as she is a high school teacher who had a whole class during ticketing. To her surprise, she was able to get VIP tickets to Nctdream, for both her and her best friend.
"Talk about stressful, I'm surprised that none of my students questioned the random movie day on a Tuesday"
"Those should be the last of your worries, we're literally seeing our men in 1 month," Ali said, she and Y/n had originally met at an Nct cup sleeve event years back and remained close friends.
FORWARD TO A MONTH LATER
"oh, I'm so anxious, they'll be able to see us, what if I get called backstage"
"oh lord if you get called backstage jaemin will get the best head ever" Ali added as she and Y/n laughed.
Making those comments was normal amongst the two, as it was all for shit and giggles not that they actually believed that they would be given the chance to jump any of the dreamies bones.
Upon arrival at the venue, Y/n and Ali were given early entry as they obtained VIP access.
"OH MY GOD, Jaemin is so fucken hot" y/n whispered to her friend. Not wanting for the others to hear.
______________________________________________________________
Jaemin was never attracted to any of his fans, and he never considered hooking up with any of them. Unlike his members who liked to hook up with women at every stop during tour. They claimed that it was for stress relief.
That was until he spotted a girl in the crowd looking at him and turning to whisper something to her friend. He was curious as to what the gorgeous woman with the top so low whose tits were basically out for him to see had possibly said to cause her friend to giggle.
Throughout the concert, he couldn't help but be drawn to this woman, to his luck during Poison performance he was placed right in front of the beautiful girl.
Making eye contact with her the whole time drawing her in, causing his eyes to go dark and be filled with lust. She smiled at him biting her lip and observing Jaemin's movements. He felt himself start to harden. Eternally grateful that they were given a 3-minute break for an outfit change.
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"bitch jaemin was basically fucking you with those eyes girl," Ali said.
"All alright let's not be dramatic, in my defense he was set in front of us and the song was giving fuck me vibes" Y/n was undeniable that Jaemin would ever even consider letting her jump his bones.
The rest of the concert was a blur, y/n only remembers crying and dancing. The concert had ended, y/n and her friend got their belonging and headed towards the exit as they were stopped by security and guided to an empty room.
"This is starting to scare me, why are we still here is 12 AM," Ali said as she felt extremely sleepy and anxious.
A man who appeared to be part of the TDS3 work crew entered the room. He was wearing a TDS3 merch shirt, some sunglasses, and a baseball cap.
"Someone has requested for a conversation with you" the man said looking straight at y/n.
"That being said your friend will be dropped at her chosen destination, however, we ask for you to remain in this room, till he arrives and speaks to you about paper work" the man continued.
Ali felt unsure, leaving y/n behind in an empty room waiting for a guy who was a stranger felt worrisome.
"I'll be fine," y/n said insuring Ali that she'd be okay.
After Ali's departure, 5 minutes later the door opened and a tall muscular man appeared in front of y/n.
"Jaemin......... I'm not understanding why am I here?"
"Don't worry baby, I will explain everything and we can set boundaries together" Jaemin's smile was contagious and comforting.
He set various of papers on the table sitting across from y/n.
"darling have you ever signed an NDA?" jaemin questioned.
"I haven't but I've heard about how NDAs work"
"if at any point you feel uncomfortable, please let me know and we can stop, I will make sure you get home safe and no further contact on my behalf will be given," Jaemin said grabbing y/n's hand.
after 10 mins of reading the paper work, y/n knew exactly what the purpose of this was. She had two options, not signing the NDA and missing out on amazing sex with Jaemin or signing the papers and letting Jaemin do whatever he desired with her body.
Y/n did what any other horny woman would have done, she signed the papers and gave them to Jaemin with a smile on her face.
"Looks like you're coming home with me tonight princess"
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The ride to his hotel was quiet, Jaemin didn't say much but kept his hand on y/n's thigh. Pushing it closer and closer to her core. Causing y/n to heavy breath.
In the blink of an eye, y/n was on her knees begging for jaemin to let her touch him.
"So desperate for his dick, look at you basically salivating and I haven't even taken off my pants"
His eyes were dark and full of lust.
"I knew you'd be desperate but never imagined how turned on you'd get just by being on your knees".
he was so attractive, how can one not get turned on.
"On the bed now, and on your way there take off all your clothes, tired of seeing those on you"
Geez was he so hot as her observed y/n undress leaving nothing but her panties.
"look at those tits, I know you wore that shirt on purpose to get my attention, well guess what it worked," Jaemin said undressing and hovering over y/n. God were his lips soft, and easy to bite. Tongues fighting for control, causing a mess.
Jaemin shifted his lips to y/n's neck, down to her chest, nipple, stomach, and finally her inner thighs.
"You can be as loud as you want baby, my next-door hotel neighbors are the members and I'm sure those assholes are fucking a fan as we speak"
Jaemin's kisses were soft but felt like fire on y/ns skin.
"fuck please Jaemin"
"let's not be greedy baby" Jaemin said as he removed y/n's panties to get a clearer view of her body.
"look how wet you are, bet you taste just as good as you smell"
he was a tease, brushing his fingers against her fluids. He loved hearing her gasp and whine for more.
"fuck baby you taste so fucken good, so addicting, how am I supposed to continue the tour without this pussy"
he continued to eat her out, inserting two fingers.
"FUCK JAEM........."
"that's right baby cum in my mouth" those words sent y/n over the edge and she came all over Jaemin mouth.
He lifted himself up, licking his fingers and smirking at the mess he caused just with his mouth.
"want daddy to fuck you, baby? want me to cum inside you, to claim this gorgeous body of yours"
He was so fucken attractive, the same person who goes on stage as does aegyo for millions of fans, has the most dirty mouth and thoughts. He was so hot!
He hovered over y/n aligning his dick with her hole.
"If you want me to stop just tap me or tell me, okay darling"
Y/n nodded giving him the signal to enter.
As they both gasped, y/n squeezed around Jaemin.
"Fffucck baby, keep doing that and I'll cum fast"
he started off slow but continued to increase his pace, his thrust began to feel rough hitting all the right spots making y/n see stars.
"JAEM you feel so good" y/n whined
"you like that huh, you like it when I'm fast and rough"
"Yes Yes Jaem cumm inside me please"
He was rich enough to impregnate a woman so he never worried about an accident happening. The thought of a mini jaemin was his dream, however, all prior girls were scared of that type of commitment despite knowing his wealth.
"So tight FUCK" jaemin moaned as he released inside of y/n.
"If you're scared of getting pregnant we can run to the store for a plan b but if you're like me who doesn't give a shit and is ready for a baby quit your stupid job and go on tour with me"
"you don't know me, why would you even consider having a baby with me" y/n claimed.
"for starters, you're gorgeous and I can't imagine myself ever being so addicted to another pussy besides yours, you smell and taste so good, I can fuck you all day and night''
"I will consider it," y/n said checking her phone, it was 2 AM. Jaemin and her had been fucking for 2 hours.
#nct smut#jaemin#jaemin smut#nct dream smut#nct dream#jaemin x reader#nct x reader#nct dream x reader#nct imagines#nct angst#nct dream angst#jaemin angst#jaemin hard hours#nct hard hours#nct dream hard hours#kpop fanfic#kpop smut#kpop imagines
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Meant To Be Yours - LH
Tags - Violence, Obsession, Murder, Sickening Love, Jealousy
"Dear, look at this news..." Lewis called out from the living room, he's sitting on manspread on the couch while watching the TV news - very comfortable only wearing grey sweatpants. His upperbody exposed his tattoos on the view.
"Oh come on, you have to show something when I'm literally doing something." You sighed rolling your eyes as you walk out of the walk in closet to the living room seeing lewis' state with roscoe's head resting on his lap.
"Nah because look at this. The guy killed his OWN girlfriend, can you believe that?" He said pointing on the TV emphasizing the word 'own' which made you giggle a little before looking at the TV screen. The news reporter explaining what happened with a disgusted look that she tried to hide but failed miserably. "I apologize to people who are eating. The suspect chopchop the victim's body part before burying them on a different locations. Such as in the fronyard of his house, on the park, feeding the others to his pets and the rest are the most unimaginable thing ever happened."
They showed a blurred yet bloodied and you can still see clearly the dead body on the woman. It's so disturbing, you are pretty thankful that you're not eating dinner at the moment. It sends shiver down your spine same as it did to your boyfriend.
"Shit... Tsk, baby, I'm getting goosebumps please come hug me here..." Lewis look at his back to see you standing behind him as you giggled at his words before sitting beside him on the couch opposite side of roscoe, his hand automatically going to your shoulder pulling your body closer and flushed into his. "You know for a 7th world time champion you sure are easy to scare.." You teased him as you snuggled closer to him, smelling the familiar scent of his manly cologne.
"Hey there's a whole difference of being the best driver on track and with that heartless bastard on the news. Men these days..." He shook his head disapprovingly a bit disturbed at the sudden murder news when he's trying to enjoy his free time and peace with you. He wonders how could a boyfriend - the main man of someone's life could do that to them, heartlessly and selfishly.
He never even imagine a moment of laying a hand on you, from all your argument you talk it out with him reaching out to you first. Never letting you sleep with heavy heart and anger towards him and your relationship, he always want peace between you.
"You've got to be kidding me, you're bothered by this? On the news seriously?" You mockingky asked turning to him raising one of your eyebrow in question, "Baby, are you hearing what the news reporter said? He killed his own girlfriend, of course I am" He said squeezing your arm trying to defend himself.
"Oh wow, that's rich coming from you, huh..." You rolled your eyes as you look at the large mirror hanging on the wall in the living room. There's only one human figure - lewis' and roscoe who's head is still resting on his thigh, Lewis look stupid holding the air but from his perspective he's holding you.
July 5, 2024 3:45 A.M - The day of your death or let's say, The day of his murder.
"Lewis, I'm done okay. I'm already tired, we are always going to this endless fucking loop. You getting jealous of this, of him, of whatever then what? We'll have a stupid argument about someone, it's like you never even trust." You frustratedly said rummaging on your walk in closet opening your suitcase putting your clothes and stuff even if it's messy just so you'll have enough stuff to leave with.
"Baby... What the fuck are you doing? What do you think are you doing?!" His voice starting to raise as he tried to stop you but you push his hand away continuing to pack, "I can't stand your bullshit, you're always like this. I'm always walking on an eggshell around you, I can't even breathe." Your murmured as you continue to pack as his anger is rising even more.
"I hate you, Samantha. You've ruined everything. Our relationship, our future, my life. All because you're selfish and stupid. You're meant to be mine and I'm Meant To Be Yours." He spits the words at you, his face twisted in anger and heartbreak. "Oh wow, so I'm the selfish now. Stop trying to reverse things, Lewis, You're the selfish one, you're the one I should be hating!" You jab back to him as you zip your suitcase close.
"I'm not letting you go, Samantha. I don't care if you hate me, if you fear me. You're mine, whether you like it or not. And I'll do anything, anything to keep you by my side." He watch as you stood up before he slams you on the wall his hand quickly wrapping around your neck his thumb on your pulse. You tried to push him away, squirm, scream, punch him but he's far too strong - definitely because of his years in racing. It doesn't give any justice that he's too strong than you.
"Don't fight me. I'm warning you, I'm all out of fucks to give. I've been patient, I've been understanding, but you... you pushed me too far." His voice is low, threatening once you tried to push him again but in one go he squeezed your throat and your pulse point making your vision blurry in every energy and breath left you tried to talk to him but his anger is ringing in his ears to even hear you.
As you collapse on his arms like a ragdoll, trying to catch the oxygen but it's far too late. That's when he snap out of it, "Baby... Baby, wake up... Hey hey... Hey..." He kneel on the floor as you drop he tried to shake you awake, cpr and everything but nothing happened. You're not breathing, you're starting to pale. That's when the panic sets in him, he killed you with his own hands. The same in that used to caress you with love, that touches you gently, the one that never failed to flatter you.
As he broke down crying he can't destroy his career no, not the same ones he build with you, the ones he build for you. He decided to go downstairs taking a glass of water with many ice in it before putting it on the floor beside you - basically making it seems that you choked on ice since the public knows you love to chew on eyes. No one would suspect cause in the autopsy they wouldn't see anything, they wouldn't know anything because in their prediction the ice just melts without knowing that it's your obsessive boyfriend the one who did it to you.
He quickly left the scene he went into the paddock for his practice race. No one would suspect that he left you there, dead and cold in the walk in closet. He acted normal in the paddock, the interview only sees him as a stressed man in his homerace in Silverstone. When they found your body he stated that he never knew anything, that he's too busy to look after you, even cried on live news acted all shock to hear the news.
He stood infront of the camera as the stressed innocent boyfriend who had lost the love of his life. Even said a reminder to always be careful and always look out for your love ones no matter how busy or stressed you are. In your funeral he cried very hard not only because of your loss but also out of guilt. But one the things he know because of this everyone will only remember him as your boyfriend and you as his dead girlfriend. He doesn't have to worry about any man getting near you, stealing you away. Because even in your last breath he is your man.
#lewis hamilton x fem!reader#lewis hamilton x reader#lewis hamilton#f1 x reader#f1#formula one x reader#formula 1 x reader
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Next time
“She killed me!”
“She does that.”
“But—the ballad. The road!”
“All a lie, I’m afraid. A little trick she uses to lure people to their deaths. Like a beautiful siren on the rocks, singing to passing sailors.”
“Um.”
“Yes?”
“You’re staring at her.”
“Am I? I guess I am.”
“Can she see us?”
“No. She knows we’re here, though. She always knows.”
“I’d like to give her a piece of my mind.”
“I can pass on a message, if you want?”
“Tell her she’s a despicable, wicked creature who deserves to rot in Hell.”
“Ooh, very harsh. I like it. So. Are you ready?”
“…No. But I don’t get a choice, do I?”
“Nope. Sorry.”
“There was more I wanted to do.”
“There always is.”
“…What happens next?”
“Come and see.”
*****
“Hi, Ags. One of them says you’re a despicable, wicked creature who should rot in Hell.”
”How incredibly unoriginal. Which one?”
“….uh.”
“Wow. You can’t even remember, can you?”
“...Maybe that one?”
“That’s a little insulting to the souls of the dead, not being able to tell them apart.”
“I see a lot of them. And they generally all have something nasty to say about you.”
“And that does hurt my feelings so. I cry about it every night. But you know, at the end of the day, I’m alive and they’re dead, and knowing that gives me the strength to carry on.”
“…you’re funny.”
”Looks like I can still make Death laugh.”
“Agatha…”
“Hmm?”
“…you know.”
“You miss me, you love me, you’re obsessed with me, that sort of thing?”
“Yes, Agatha. That sort of thing.”
“Hey, Rio, want to know something?”
“Probably not?”
“I wish I had never met you. I wish I had walked away the first time I saw you and never looked back. If I could take back every time I told you I loved you, I would.”
“What, all six times?”
“And only half of them real.”
“…stop.”
”Oh, that one hit, didn’t it? You were always so easy to manipulate. Please, my love, please. I love you so. Anything like that, and you’d do whatever I asked.”
“Yes. Because I love you, Ags, beyond all reason, even when I wish I didn’t. You can make me regret it, though.”
“Not half so much as I regret ever having loved you.”
“You do still love me, you know. You’re angry and hurt and taking it out on me, but you—“
“I don't. You can stalk me and obsess over me and follow me to the ends of the earth, but that part of me died the moment I buried my boy in the ground. I don’t think I can love anything anymore.”
“Beloved…”
“But if I could, I can promise it will never be you.”
“…All right, Agatha.”
“…That’s it? All right? I mean, that one was really vicious. I've been working on it all morning. I was hoping for a better reaction."
"Like what?"
"I don't know. Crying or sulking or disappearing or something. …Not stabbing."
"I don't really know how to cry…Were you really working on it all morning? What incredibly cruel thing to say to me this time?"
"On and off. Around other things."
"…That's nice."
"What?! No, it isn't. It's the opposite of nice, that's the point."
"It's nice that you were thinking of me."
"...I honestly wonder what it's like to be you sometimes.”
"At the moment? Lonely."
"That wasn't meant as a question. But how can you be lonely? I'm right here."
"...you are very mean, beloved."
"Ah, there, that's better. More along the lines I was hoping for. Now shoo, I have other things to do, I'm a busy woman."
"Other things like what?"
"I'm sorry, are you under the impression that I'm going to share information with you, the being I hate most in the entire universe?"
"...Fine, Agatha. Have it your way."
"Wait!"
"Yes??"
"At least try to remember which one insulted me next time."
"...Really? That's what you—oh! Next time. Next...yes."
"Mmhmm. And I promise, eventually I will make you cry."
"I honestly don't think I can."
"Watch me."
"Always."
"...No, but really go away now."
"Yes, Agatha. Until next time."
"...See you then."
Want to read more witch fics? Here's a masterpost or go check out Death on Drums because I heard the 70s version of the ballad again and thought of it
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i just think you deserve eternal happiness actually. funny and actually nice. u are jesus. anyway No pls i AM AFRAID u are simply too cool and i cant deal
#“cant deal” im a millennial at heart x#ok no i love u though#asks#mewtuals#blah blah!#ok im talking here u asked for this basically im going insane theyre so fucking stupid like i know im the one who made them but they keep#NOT SPEAKING anf its so annoying like can you stop being teenage boys and start knowing how to fucking SPEAK#also i am NOT being a creep i dont focus on it its literally not mentioned but theyre in college okay.#well one of them is#no wait both of them are Sorry i tell a lie#anyway its pissing me off like dude can u grow UP and be COOl omg its makign me mad like i could literally just make them know but also im#obsessed with making it “realistic” (its literally rpf girl) and like i dont wanna go to the opposite end of the spectrunm and make them ha#all that therapy speak like omgmfgnfkjnhkj its making me mad.#and like ?? i wasnt coming out in 2007 omh wait no wrong time i cant do times I WASNT COMING OUT IN THE 2000S IS THE POINT#SO HOW AM I MEANT TO KNOW JOW THST WOULD GO OMFG#imgonna bite someone im so mad#like i just checked it's 25593 words.#TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED AND NINETY THREE WORDS. THAT IS RIDICULOUS#FUCKING NOTHING HAPPENS IM HONNA THROW UP#but also im obsessed w word count so im hesitant to dlete ...#no ok all scenes are important i think but uuugggggghhhh LIKE OMDGFNJGNFJNH#anyway im so mad like can u just stop being stupid dude im gonna beat myself up#no because like why did i start this. what relevance does this have to anything.#it is. to be fair to myself. i think the best thing ive ever written though#so#everything is FINE and i am a okay
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SVT coming to Europe for the first time ever in 9 years (not counting Gastonbury, cause that was sold out a year before they were announced, so carats didn't get a chance to go) and it's not even going to be ot13 should be a crime.. AND IT'S BECAUSE OF A SCHEDULE?!
#maja talks#i'm so upset for real#like i'm happy for jun and all but really?#you announced lollapalooza long ago and now suddenly he's got something else?#i'm not even going but got fuck you hybe i hate you so so so much#i will never not be angry about hybe ruining my chances to see svt live#like fuck you so much#(but maja covid was the reason for the 2020 cancelations yeah but hybe is the reason they never got rescheduled!!!)#i saw one of my mutuals from like 2015 make a post a couple of years ago about how she got to see svt as 13 four times in one year#and here i am as a european being shit on for 9 years straight#i hate it here so much and i'm so upset and i probably shouldn't be this upset but i am#fuck hybe and fuck bang shihyuk and fuck everyone that made that fuckass company so powerful#i hate it so much#i knew they were never going to take coming to europe seriously after joining that fuckass company#and yet i can't help but be so damn disappointed#it's been 9 years...#i remember where i was when the 2020 europe dates were announced#i was sitting in a train and i was so happy i was shaking so hard#i got a ticket with a great seat for the Berlin concert and i was so happy#i've never been so excited and happy#and then covid happened and everything got cancelled and they never even addressed it#they only ever said “we were sad the tour ended earlier than expected” in their yt documentary and that was the only mention of it#then the japan dome tour had to be pushed forward (not even really cancelled if i remember correctly) and they made wholeass apology videos#saying how sad they were and blah blah blah still no mention of europe at all#then like the day after europe got cancelled they uploaded a video of hoshi dancing with fans at one of the us stops#and it really just felt like they stepped on my heart and threw it in a trashcan lol#then they joined hybe and hybe got obsessed with dynamic pricing and ruined everything#ruined all chance of us seeing them as ot13#(maybe they'll finally acknowledge us for real when they get back from enlistment in maybe 6 years but who knows)#i for real shouldn't be this affected
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i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms
#do i still list my interests somewhere i dont knowwww#i just stopped rly being into fandom a few years ago combination depression antipathy + bad experiences in fandom spaces#but idk. me listing my interests didnt rly accomplish anything for anyone bc it was just like anddd just so you know i was crazy abt this#video game for a rly long time it probably wont ever come up again but it might maybe one day. yk. ig its just sharing info Which is one#supposes the point of all of this but idk#its not that im cagey abt my interests except that one which i cant talk abt publically bc its a triple a game and im embarassed abt it. no#anything bad im just embarrassed . its not anything any of my oomfies have ever posted abt either so its just for me. and lamp . and when#the third game comes out i might post very very very vaguely abt it ......... possibly.#but ya its like. idk i think you guys have to find out abt my plague tale obsession on your own through lived experience. aka just me seein#like the word king and randomly collapsing to the floor and going KING HUGO 😭😭😭😭😭 oh god hugo guys oh god . please play plague tale#i wish i had finished that tw thing i started making but then i got too focused on the color palette and making it look nice and i stopped.#umm tw child death animal death The plague some gorey stuff theres some cult things in the second game ummm. yeah ..... its rly special to#me tho i love those games PLAY PLAGUE TALE!!! and if u need more indepth tws ill give them to you even if i have to replay both games to#refresh my memory... lamp wont play plaguetale with me (not their speed) so im all alone </3 but i miss it i might replay soon... i wish i#was in like discord servers so i could play it on call w ppl or something <- is in discord servers but is shy and Also i feel like playing#game on call is like a level like 2 friendship thing and i cant even do level 1 friendship things like i feel i need to at least be talking#regularly in a server b4 i like try to do Calls in the server esp for plague tale bc its like a 1p game so wed need a rapport to like have#shit to talk abt and etc ..... i could just infodump abt the game but again i feel doing that to like strangers/oomfies would b weird. ik i#come on here and talk abt whatever i want but its like you guys dont Have to read this and its not like a server where Yeah im not talking#to one person but im still like Oh well ive sent a message and its in the channel and everybody just has to look at it and whatever.#but on here i post i nobody cares and it just gets pushed down and its Fine bc its not like anybody has to feel obliged to respond#which is fine. you know.. i just hate being like a nuisance i hate . idk how to phrase. imposing myself on others ig.. which is dumb bc the#i turn around and whine abt how i have no friends and its like Maybe that is bc you donot talk to anyone bc yr scared they will be annoyed#with you and you dont leave the house and have no interests to bond with ppl and etc. but basically the difference is ive written all this#and you guys can just not read it or you can just read it and ignore it and its different. even tho i am like addressing you and i do have#like. weird parasocial thing with My followers or whatever where i talk directly to you YES YOU! reading this. IDKK im rambling so much i#dont know what im talking abt anymore. i proooooobably need to go to sleep im hungry tho but im not but i am. but i think my sleep is getti#off schedule again i had trouble sleeping yesterday too... ugh
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Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks#but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD#i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin#i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr#first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with#all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying#and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so#good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all#like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad#he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP#and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just#being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how#well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler#and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end#and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts#cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish#but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like#the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries#and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer#and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive#and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori#and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent#and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse#he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA#im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad#and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof#I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN#have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes
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I hate getting into something that has a canon(ish) sapphic couple, but I only end up caring about one of the two women 😭😭😭
#warrior nun? only cared about beatrice couldn't really get behind ava much#the locked tomb? INSANE for gideon. harrow is like cool I guess (I feel like I should like her more than I do idk)#and now dungeon meshi. I knoowwwww I'm going to love falin. 10 episodes in and I already find her relatable and awesome and so cool and sexy#AND SHE BECOMES A DRAGON LIKE FUCK MAN (she's still dead atm but soon soooooon)#marcille on the other hand?? I mean she's fine... but I'm not really drawn to her (I like namari a lot more tbh)#and the thing is I know part of it is the feminization of all three of them#I am not attracted to femininity pretty much ever (outside of a super sexed up version in which case gugh)#and ava and marcielle both have a very bubbly personality type that has never really drawn me in ever#they can have cool stories and I can enjoy them in that. but I have no desire to seek them out outside of that#and harrow... honestly I think it might be the way fandom sees her that makes me not care much about her?#also my feelings about the series as a whole by the end of nona probably don't help#BUT I definitely think a big part for all three is the femininity. none of their counterparts that I DO love are overly fem#(and HONESTLY I don't think harrow should be either and the fact hardly no one actually makes her butch the way I see her pisses me off)#((she CANONICALLY hated her long hair!!!!!!!!! stop giving her anything more than a buzz cut I'm going to attack you!!!!!!))#also. marcielle has green eyes and I'm sorry but I just can't 😭#I need every single character ever in existence to only ever have brown/black or gold/yellow eyes#stop with the blue and the green 😭 please#ANYWAY POINT BEING: I hate that this happens to me because I end up not getting obsessed with the ship#and mostly only getting into the single character but then I don't want to read fic about just one person#so I try out the ship stuff and shocker no one writes the other character in a way I like so I don't read it#and then I feel bad cause all my ships and main characters I'm obsessed over are men#and then I complain all the fandom favs and mcs in stories are men#but like I'm contributing to the problem!!!! but like I'm not attracted to hannibal but I like his personality#I'm not attracted to optimus but I love how fucked up his whole deal with megatron is#I DO love both luffy and zoro even though I'm not really attracted to either of them#the lotr/hobbit ships.... eh I love the world and I love dwarves and I will do anything for them so the characters don't matter much lol#AND THATS THE ISSUE 😭 the worlds of warrior nun and tlt and most of what i've seen of dungeon meshi don't really entrance me much#so I don't get into the ships for that. and I'm not attracted to both people in the ship. and I can't relate/project on both in the ship#and sometimes I find one character type less likable/annoying so that makes me not want to engage
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Am I staring aggressively at this Infinite Crisis Part 3 movie because two characters from one of my childhood OTP are both revealed to be in it? Yes. Am I aggressively manifesting that they finally get to reunite after their OG show got canned because fuck CN? Yes. Am I secretly worried I will get absolutely 0 crumbs and be left mad that I got my hopes up? Very much yes. Please for all that is good in the world just let Razer and Aya reunite or I will cry.
#listen none of this will ever truly make up for gltas being canned#one day I hope the gltas team can show us the true story they had in store for razer and aya and everyone#don't get me wrong i love how they got the chance to show us blue lantern razer and what he ultimately would have become#i'm just sad we never got to see it in the OG series how the writers truly intended to get to that point#bless them and thank the heavens for them showing the fans “hey we would have given you this”#please just throw me full on fanservice and give us the reunion or hint at another show where they can be reunited I am fucking begging#not even gonna watch part 1 or 2 fuck it we ball hoping for literally crumbs of my childhood obsession#honestly if DC was smart they'd stop making shitty live action and go all in on cartoons#i always felt DC had the superior cartoons with the exception of idk maybe xmen from my childhood
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#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa#something is Wrong lol#i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches#all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now#but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit#and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on#to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back#like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend#i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect#i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back#but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms#or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations#or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings#or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af#because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff#im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility#i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn#but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself#and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc#i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself#and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it#i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do#i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it#and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person#<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation#of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT
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the thing is. I've said many times that it'd probably be better if I didn't post on here so much, especially when I'm not doing so great. it does not feel good. but. when I don't, it just all stays inside my head and it feels so much worse for far longer, so I really just don't know how I would cope without this.
#I mean I used to write in my diary instead. but it's not the same. it's like talking to myself which is like thinking which is the whole#damn problem in the first place#I can't bother my friends every time I feel like shit because it happens so much#and they don't get it#except my best friend but I already message them too much and they have their own shit going on#it's either this or lie in bed imagining [current blorbo] and talking it all out with them and basically just. daydreaming therapy.#but that tends to not be great because then I get stuck and don't want to do anything else because I'd rather be there forever.#which. idk but it doesn't feel that healthy to me.#I juuust want to be normal it's all I want it's all I've ever wanted#and then people say being weird is good and they love me for who I am and it's so so sweet and lovely but. I don't mean that. I mean I feel#like I'm insane and there's something wrong with my brain and it's not the fun quirky bits that people love about me. it's the never ending#constant relentless bad thoughts that I can't make go away OR even the good ones really. like I'm. so fucking obsessed right now and all I#want is to think about Dan and Jenkins but if I'm not careful it takes over everything and I. can not stop.#so. yeah I'm. not gonna leave because I can't and I don't really want to and I'm sorry because that means I'll have to keep posting#dumb shit like this every time my brain gets stupid#😭
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I need to uproot my entire life and start from scratch or I’m gonna go insane
#‘haha funny joke post’ excpet…. not really#I’m coming to the realization that I am just Not happy where I am and I don’t think that’s gonna change so long as I’m here#and that’s why I keep spiraling into intense depressive episodes when I haven’t done that since I last lived with my mom#part of it is my job I hate it and it’s draining the life out of me and they’re working me into the ground#I literally can’t even take time off because they don’t allow it until you’ve worked there for a year#but also there’s no BETTER job opportunities here#and I finally decided what I want to go school for but also there’s no schools here that offer it…#the closest one is in my home town four hours away as some sick fucking cosmic joke#and I’m so…. so lonely#I feel so disconnected from literally everyone around me#I know my friends care about me and I’m important to them#but again it’s that sense that I will NEVER be the most important thing in their life someone else will always be that#I mean… I’ve never EVER been the most important person to someone before someone else has always mattered more than I have#which especially sucks when I feel like I only know HOW to be close with someone in an extremely obsessive way#where I would do anything for them but that’s not necessarily returned#but… I just think it would be nice to have a relationship with someone where the entire time I’m like ‘yeah but they would never do x thing#for you because they already have a person they would do that for’#(said person usually being a romantic partner)#and I’m just… tired#I’m tired of it and I want it to stop I want to be somewhere I don’t constantly feel like shit and go through frequent periods I wanna kms#and I think I’m gonna have to move for school anyways so…. So what if I really DID just start over somewhere else#I worry I might end up in the same rut but also I’ll never know if I don’t try#and I’m not happy here I don’t think I WILL be happy here I just want to live with/close to someone where I feel like I’m a priority#and my wants and desires are treated like something just as important as theirs#I dunno… maybe I am just in another really bad depressive episode again but….#I feel like I need to change something to avoid falling back to everything and everyone I normally do#kaz rambles
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YEAHSJDRKRKRJJSNKSKS
3XPLA1N3D 1T P3RF3CTLY
Reblog if you agree
#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf missing children#missing childrens incident#I generally love the lore behind the mci and I really love how the FNaF movie really highlighted these characters#I hate how a lot of people don’t like the movie because of how the animatronics acted ( fort scene ) but really it was one of my favs scene#In the movie because it showed the audience that they are just kids. I’ve always wanted a piece of FNaF media to actually be focused on the#mci because it is so rare especially in the FNaF fandom#I also really think Cassidy is underrated and should be included more in FNaF works instead of being shoved to the sidelines despite having#an Important role in the FNaF franchise#But not just Cassidy all the mci are heavily underrated and I love them so#I was estactic when I saw the little dolls in HW2 representing the mci#because I was like YES YES YES FINALLY! THEIR LORE SIGNIFICANCE IS ACKNOWLEDGED#anyways sorry for the super long rant that isn’t even half of my opinion on the mci#but I really like ghosts and the supernatural#so of course I’m going to be super obsessed with them#the puppet is one of my most favorite FNaF characters ever and I love her so so sooo much because of her lore significance AND because of#her Connections with the mci#this is a lot to type so I am going to stop now because probably no one is going to read all this lol#ok I’m done for real
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four of my coworlers fromy bar job came into my nightclub job
#weirdest thing ever . n also had a galf conversqtion w The other ex girlfriend#i gotta finf smth else to call her other than that bc shes morw than that but i dont wamt her namw plastered on mt aocial medoa#its bad enough o was a lil obsessed w her. dpmt need her to know o talk abt hwr too#anyway shes rlly cool i dp like her. if the ex wasnt common ground i would b friends w her#i juat HHHHHHHHH okay whatwver .#anyway . o wanna actually get drunk w my coworkers bc i had one frinl w them#n then lwft bc fuck that id just worked for 10hrs n i was ready to die honestly. dealing w that much#energy was not fun#idm being an wnergy worker but idk how to turn it ofd sp i stop absorbing ppls fucming wnergy and lwtting it effect me#also fuck the belt n fuck my haircut#i am going to the hairdresser n getting ot professionally syed for tit . going dark or light blue faded from black i think#its less upkeep bc im done bleaching my hair for a while BUT i do want it to b somewhat .#well i dpnt wanna go back to brown . and therws still faded bits of hairsye in my hair from#previous bleach sessions i nust wanna give it a Rest for a frw months (a year)
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had to witness oscar do promo for the t*xas l*nghorns, my school lost TERRIBLY in football for the second weekend in a row, and mclaren was fucking stupid as usual. horrible terrible bad weekend to be a sports fan
#no but like actually. you guys dont understand how absolutely fucking distraught i was over landoscar going to UT#like STOP trying tk make them college football fans unless its MY college#let alone the longhorns of all godforsaken teams#and when oscar took a picture with the golden hat………. something genuinely died inside of me you guys dont even understand#genuinely had to refrain from rolling around the ground in the fetal position#anyway.#not surprised that mclaren did shit this weekend because of course they would in texas bc texas SUCKS#this is just turning into a hate post about texas honestly. real of me tbh#anyway. forgetting texas was ever a thing#hoping mexico will be better <3#i’m at the point where i dont think landos going to win the championship (bc maybe if i tell myself this enough by the time abu dhabi rolls#around i wont have to kill myself at 9:00 in the morning on a random sunday) i just want him to win races in General#because him being happy makes Me happy#and of course oscar should be right next to him#or vice versa#bc duh#idc who wins as long as Other People. don’t win#my progression of me becoming obsessed with f1 is so funny to me bc i was originally a ferrari fan#(funny considering the first race i watched was miami and THEN monaco) and now it’s just progressed into me being a steady mclaren fan#and hating everyone else on track#i WILL SAY THOUGH i have been an oscar truther since day one once i found out he and i shared the same birthday#bc how could i not be in love with him after that#anyway#this has rapidly lost the plot#im not even sure what the plot was#i am going to bed and hoping that this week goes by quickly bc i already miss f1#lacey talks
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i hate change id rather die
#people arent sticking to their usual selves stop messing w my mind#havent talked to some friends in a while and theyre wildly dif and its making me so irritated can we go back to how we were before#my obsession of waiting by the phone until someone messages me first is coming back in the worst way possible#the coincidences with k stopped and i barely even see him anymore and his clothing style is changing???#hes becoming more normal popular whatever and its so boring please i need a loser boy go back to being that#mb i cant sleep and feelings are coming back but in a weirder way and i have like 2 projects due tmr im not done w and test#i need more friends but in the way of being irl that i can wave at during school and send them videos without talking fr#serenity wake up and come home bro literally ditch school just for me 🙏 believe in u bbg#omg sid is coming back tmr thank god i need my daily walks w him i literally tried w another guy today and it was not the same#bro was yapping ab love whatever idek 😭 told me ab his crushes which good for him ig but i barely know him idc 🙏#insta wants me to stop liking k too cause it deleted all my past stories ab him when i tried to make a highlight#is it so hard to have everyone obsessed with me all the time. cant people just pay attention to me forever#i forgot what i said in this post whatever im deleting it later anyway#post#erics tag#delete later#cringingg that people know stuff ab me and why i am the way i am. maybe they should all die so it becomes a secret again#literally why did i ever talk anything out with anyone other than serenity thats so fucking stupid no shit shes the only good one#thats a lie i love attention i just hate asking for it i cant even be bothered to say more bro im so exhausted but not in a sleeping way yk#kindividual posting
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