#am I even talking about willow anymore? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

eyothings · 2 months ago

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So out of nowhere this december, i've been hit with nostalgia and decided it was time to rewatch Buffy The Vampire Slayer's entire series after the last time it aired on tv, meaning 20 years ago.

Not only it shaped a whole side of my lil sister personality, it is also the favorite show of one of my cousin and closest friends.

And considering the state i'm in after finishing season 7, i know for sure Spike is the origin of my utter love for anti-heros, England and ennemies-to-lovers trope.

He is one of those characters that stay with you forever.

C'mon look at him, LO_OK.

I had very few memories of the show, only some big moments: Angel leaving for a spinoff, Spike ♥, Dark Willow, Spuffy - Basically I remembered almost nothing.

The first season set the tone for me, i forgot the serie was very funny, and what worked right away was the simple fact that they didn't act seriously either, the actors looked like they just had fun. On top of that, even if i already knew that, the show is very feminist and advanced for its time.

I also forgot how much of an asshole Xander is. lol

The worst season for me is clearly season 4, and between you and me, and me and you, it's unsurprisingly because of Riley and the army.

The best season is obviously season 6, and not only for Spike and Spuffy but for Buffy's whole personality.

I have so much to say about the show really, but I'll stay focused and talk about the two ships: Bangel and Spuffy (and a bit of Riley). Note that it is purely my point of view, based on what i like to see and read in fiction and how I perceive the characters, there is clearly a big difference compared to real life. As well as any "bitch" mentioned here is only affectionate. And if you're crazy enough to read the entire post, I apologise in advance for the many mistakes in my writing, as English is not my mother tongue.

The moment i'm writing this VERY long ass post, I've only just started to watch Angel the series for the first time and I've only seen the first season, so my thoughts on him may change in the future, but I don't think my pov on the ships will. I am also aware of some events in seasons 8 to 12 (comics).

• Bangel:

To be honest I liked their love story more when Angel was Angelus.

First, them falling in love never really clicked, I guess they played the love at first sight trope, but she was 15 and he was 200; at that age, any man who was pretty enough and a bit dark would've worked for her. (I won't talk about a 26 y/o man falling in love with a 15 y/o teenager, the man is from 1727, at this point it's not even the same culture okay??)

I thought I'd still give it a chance and root for them, even if I was fully aware of him leaving and Spike would be the new romance (I FORGOT THE WASTE OF TIME WITH RILEY), because they actually talked about all the issues, they knew something was off with their love story but they couldn't stop.

I have not much to say about the nature of their love, it was a cute romance at best, but the more they went further the cringier it'd get, I still have trauma about their kiss noises, no kidding.

They slept together and Angel becomes Angelus, which is supposed to be sad and add some angst, but Angelus was so charismatic, I didn't care about Angel anymore.

And what can I say? I think the soul vs no soul aspect played kinda badly, they all said that Angelus was incapable of love since he had no soul, but we had the concrete proof that love was possible thanks to Spike & Drusilla to begin with ??

I was hoping that, since they sold us their love as super powerful and intense, Angelus would end up falling in love with Buffy, especially after the episode in which both are possessed by ghosts in season 2 episode 19 - I Only Have Eyes for You - which is my favorite moment between them:

but NO, Angelus cannot love, and only Angel can:

It's either we get the flavored guy but no romance or the bland one with a half romance.

Talk about the greatest love story there.

And the whole season 3 is Angel and Buffy having a teen romance:

"Let's just hold hands and kiss but nothing else"

Of course I guess this kind of love story is possible, but it is made clear they both feel the sexual tension each time they kiss, they even dream of doing it. So the only thing that comes of it, is frustrating feelings, for Buffy, for Angel and for us watching them going nowhere.

The hottest moment they have is when Angel bites her to survive.

Surely for a love story that is sold to be so grand, I expected Angel to find a cure for the curse? And fight for his love or something?

♫ Nope, he just leaves. ♫

♫ Bitch talks about fighting for what is worth and bails out at the first difficulty. ♫

i cannot even blame Joyce here, she made the right call, for real. Mother knows best, but he had the chance to prove her wrong.

And in parallel to that we are introduced to Spike, a vampire with no soul who is one hundred times worth Angel, just by existing.

And there is so much to say, whether or not Spuffy was intended, whether or not Angel is supposed to be the love of Buffy's life; After reaching seven seasons, I can guarantee without any hesitation, that Spike is the one, there is no contest.

I can't, for the life of me, believe one second that Joss Whedon and the rest of the team wrote the enemies to lovers story of the last two decades without doing it on purpose? They were so much into Angel, to realize what was happening?

They sold me Angel and Buffy being the "forever love", and, in a way, they are, but only because they cling to the "what could've been".

Of course they will always be attracted to each other until they really try. They'll always idealise their love story and fill the plotholes with their imagination. But it is dramatically bound to end in disaster.

And no, Buffy, I cannot take you seriously when you say "I loved him more than I will ever love anything in this life" ; You were a teenager, it is normal to feel more deeply when you're 16, but that doesn't mean anything, and you know it too well.

Angel left her broken, unable to trust anyone, unable to trust herself and alone: If the love of her life doesn't want to be with her, then who will? (♫ We have an idea ♫ )

Soul or not, he has been a coward, with no intent to get to know Buffy, her family, her friends. He decided what was best for her without asking her.

All he does after that, is coming back into Buffy's life at the worst moments to be jealous.

♫ He is that toxic boyfriend who comes back with puppy eyes each time you try to move on. ♫

Every time he appears in an episode it's to disappoint even more: I was rooting for him, I even missed him A LOT in season 4 !

And, sure, meanwhile, the dance between Spike and Buffy was already ongoing since season 2, but we really didn't have any concrete scenes between them that could seal the ship for good (them under Willow's spell in season 4 doesn't count). So the best option at that moment was the hope for Angel to come back.

Buffy never really had the chance to move on from Angel because of Riley and his insecurities, but also because Angel cannot seem to move on, while moving on at the same time ? ! ? ♫ Bitch has a child ♫

The moment Angel left the show, it should have been for good. (Note aside, I'm still having a hard time believing the character had his own spinoff because of his popularity, when we barely saw him hanging around in the first 3 seasons, wouldn't have it been simpler for him to stay and have more scenes, like Spike?) • Riley & Buffy (Briley??)

And so Angel never came back, and we got Riley instead. He was the perfect choice to make the bridge between Bangel and Spuffy. She needed to experience a "normal" romance, with a "normal guy" to know what it's like and to understand what she really wants, but one season and a half was way too much. ♫ I ended up googling " WHEN is Riley LEAVING? "♫ The moment Buffy said she held back her strength when training with him, was enough to see what was coming.

Riley was nothing else than just an army guy under steroids who couldn't even handle his girlfriend being stronger than him.

Him blaming Buffy for not really being around when her mother was dying was the cherry on top of the loser's behavior.

Buffy needed someone with whom she could be 100% herself, an equal, and Riley knew he wasn't half of that; so he made her pay? By cheating on her and leaving? Then coming back a year later to brag about his wedding? Lmao give me a break Riloser.

So now Buffy is alone AGAIN, both men she thought she loved, left without looking back. ♫ Over my shouuulder ♫

And from those two relationships, we can already see what she needs in a romance:

- An emotionally available man - That can be there for her without pushing her - Someone who doesn't flee the second he encounters the smallest difficulty - A man strong enough for her to unleash the full force without being afraid of hurting him ♫ yes i'm talking about sex ♫ - Someone who understands her role as the slayer and her crazy life - Someone selfless capable of protecting her family and friends - Someone she can trust.

♫ And now, ladies and gentlemen, lets welcome ♫

• Spuffy:

Ok first a bit of context here: I disagree about people criticizing Buffy season 6 Lets just understand whats going on: Bitch sacrifices herself to save the world and her sister; at that moment, she feels peace for the first time in her life, for the first time she is not afraid to die and fulfill her destiny by choice. She has an heroic death, ends up resting in paradise...

♫ Then her friends who can't handle to live without her, decide to bring her back to life. ♫

Not only she comes back to life in her fucking coffin, she also: - Has to crawl to the surface (almost dying stupidly) - Has to act as if nothing happened - Has to be the slayer again - Cannot even go back to university - Has even less prospect for a normal life - She is poor - She needs to find money (ends up working in a fast food) - Has to thanks her friends for bringing her back to the life she never wanted - Is being blamed for not really being around.

♫ I WOULD HAVE BEEN SO FUCKING PISSED YOU CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE ♫

So what? She comes back, feels different, depressed, alone AGAIN and figuratively chained to a life she still doesn't want, and the only person who does understand what she is going through is Spike. Spike who has been here for her family and friends the whole time she was dead, meaning, he did it because he wanted to, because he felt genuine pleasure in hanging out with them while keeping his promise to protect Dawn.

He could have left, but never did, even though his love was one-sided, he loved her so much he stayed.

♫ Death couldn't do them apart ♫

He has been a father figure for Dawn, but not only that, Spike was also the only vampire Joyce liked and trusted, a presence she didn't mind in her home without Buffy around.

And Spike did love Joyce very much ♥

And I have so much to say about Spike, he is that multi-flavored character with so many layers, who stays interesting with or without a soul. He is a slayer's killer, seen as one of the most dangerous vampires, that anyone should be scared to be around, he has so much confidence in himself, he doesn't even mind being so freaking pathetic when it comes to love.

He is not even afraid nor ashamed to show his affection, to be vulnerable, to be open about it, and most of it, he just embraces it without a care of the outcome, he is just living by the day, knowing perfectly that everything could stop at any moment. Though, that being said, i'm still well aware Spike has also MANY flaws, all he does is mainly driven by love but it is still extreme and twisted due to his soulless condition. I really don't know where to start, because i feel like Buffy and Spike's destinies are intertwined - They are a mirror to each other. Buffy's behavior has anything to do with Spike, as Spike's behavior has anything to do with Buffy - it is really like watching a dance.

Spike allows her to embrace and explore the darkest part of herself - She was always the perfect girl everyone expected her to be.

She needed to do good, to BE good, but what if she, for once, chose the other side? Of course she never went as far as Faith did, but she allowed herself to fall into a forbidden romance, and to go against everyone's expectations, because she only felt something when she was with him. And i loved this part of her, because to me, she finally has flaws! I mean, she always had some but not to that extent. And maybe, maybe being like this, was a way for her to never fall completely into the darkness nor into Spike's influence.

Maybe she was in an inner battle between good and bad.

Maybe it was an unconscious way to either push him away, or test him to see if he will ever leave her. Abusive or not towards Spike, let's not forget that he is still William the bloody, and the only thing that stops him from killing anyone is the chip in his brain. We're still talking about the guy who would have easily killed Willow if he had the chance, the one Buffy wouldn't trust at all without that said chip.

Even though Spike has done TREMENDOUS good deeds with the scoobies, he is still a slave to his primary emotions.

Don't get me wrong, this is why i love Spike SO MUCH, his duality as a soulless vampire is everything. The man can talk to you about his favorite romantic show and a minute later kill someone in cold blood and find a great pleasure in both.

♫ Anyway ♫

Above all things, they are in love, and this love is extremely intense, deep, powerful, unbearable and terrible.

Thanks to Tara, Buffy realizes she did not come back as any different as before she died and realizes the horrors she has committed to Spike by treating him like a monster he never trully was.

Buffy ends up admitting her wrongs and grows out of her darkness and chooses to be good and to end her relationship with Spike. And she is glowing and glimming, and she's not his anymore.

Which leads Spike to end up doing something awful.

And what does he do after that??

He leaves the city...

♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ TO FIX HIMSELF ♫ ♫ ♫

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are in the year 2002, and yes you read me well:

THE BAD GUY GOES TO FIX HIMSELF TO BE WORTHY OF THE GIRL

♫ William the bloody risked his fucking life in a trial to get back his soul ♫

She doesn't fix him, he does it on his own because he knows something must be done to repair his wrongs, that his love needs to be purified of his monstrous side to be a better man and stand at her side.

And even though she doesn't know that, she is still looking for him, even after what he has done, she is always drawn to him, she always wants to be around him.

Then she learns he got his spark back for her and she does everything in her power to keep him by her side.

Because now it is time for Spike to embrace the brightest part of himself thanks to Buffy.

I love them so much, especially in season 7 because they don't even have to act romantically to show how deep their love is for each other. How simple it has become, how instinctive their complicity is. They know how to complement each other, it is almost symbiotic.

They are clearly not ready to be together again until they really sort things out but Spike has seen the best and the worst parts of her, and is still hers entirely, and will always be.

As much as Buffy has seen the best and worst parts of him, and she still trusts and loves him to the point of asking the initiative to remove the chip in his brain. ♫ On top of desperately not wanting him to die ♫ Also, without knowing it yet, she is entirely his and will always be.

Buffy sees Spike’s worth, and Spike sees Buffy’s, even when neither of them can see their own.

They lift each other up, and become an unbreakable force, to the point that no one can split them.

And this is one of my favorite parts of Spuffy, in season 7:

Before, she would never have let Spike kill a human, not even out of revenge. But now, she’s willing to let his shadow take over if it means keeping him alive, just as he learns to hold it back. To me, episode 17 - Lies My Parents Told Me - marks how far their connection has grown: Buffy running as fast as she can to save Spike Spike's past with his mother, helping him make peace with some of it, as part of his ongoing redemption arc ♫ it broke my heart ♫ Spike coming back to his senses to beat the shit out of Robin, and giving him a last chance Buffy telling Robin she'll let Spike kill him next time he even tries to harm Spike Buffy choosing Spike over Giles Buffy choosing Spike over the "common sense" Buffy choosing love over her duty (even if she pretends otherwise) ♫ Buffy, you cannot fool Spike, but you cannot fool us either! ♫

And i love this parallel with the end of season 2 when she had to choose duty over love and kill Angel. This is Buffy allowing herself to be a bit more selfish while Spike is allowing himself to be a bit more selfless.

And then in the middle of the biggest battle of her life, she is overthrown over shitty excuses ♫ i have a LOT to say about the Scoobies but that post is insanely long to add some salt ♫ and who is the one that still has her back? Spike. Spike has always been unconditionally here for her and never let her down, which even the Scoobies didn't always do.

Spike is the one who delivers the most selfless and beautiful love declaration of the whole show, to her. When she needs it the most, because he is the only one who can see her.

And his love is what gives strength to Buffy to trust herself and pursue her goal. He is the one who brings back the light in Buffy, who pushes her to live and accept her fate as being the one.

And talking about light,

♫ What a freakin' poetry to have centered Spike's whole redemption arc around it ♫

He was always pursuing that light, whether in Cecily when he was a human or Buffy as a vampire. All he had to do was bring the light into him and embrace his humanity to fulfill his redemption. And so he makes the ultimate sacrifice, And he glows. Not only he saves the world willingly and selflessly but he also gives back the fire inside Buffy, frees her from Sunnydale and her role as the sole slayer.

♫ "I love you" - "Spike" are the last words Buffy says in the show ♫ • Conclusion A freaking long ass post only to say that to me, Spuffy is very well written as enemies to lovers, thanks to Jane Espenson, Douglas Petrie & Marti Noxon. Though i think Spike still suffers some injustices, but I'm glad he got the respect he deserves in the comics, (which i consider canon) : Not only does Spike end up as part of the Scoobies but also with Buffy, and he is the only one with whom she fights for their relationship to last. ♫ And they're endgame in season 12 ♫ (Thank you Christos Gage)

I also think JW made many mistakes for Bangel to work: I know he was kinda annoyed by Spike's popularity at first and wanted Angel to be seen as the main vampire of the franchise, which led him to give Angel his own spinoff, but by doing that, he also broke the link between Buffy and Angel. Which ultimately led Spike to have a more organic evolution with her instead of Angel. They both had their own paths in their own separate worlds, which forced JW to accept Spuffy as being the logical conclusion. Just as Cordelia was also the best choice for Angel to grow and be more open about his emotions. Claiming in interviews that Angel is the love of Buffy's life without ever demonstrating it concretely in any of the media itself makes this statement fall flat. I do not hate Bangel, I think the ship was necessary for Buffy to grow, but i do see more Angel as her first idealised and tragic love, while with Spike, it is more grounded, mature and based on mutual respect, trust, acceptation and stability.

♫ Angel should have stayed and Spike and Drusilla should have had their own spinoff, and i'd have paid to see that. ♫ • My pov on Sprusilla?

Literally nothing to say about them, they match each other freak to a level no one can ever comprehend.

♫ They are a perfect match and untouchable. ♫ ♫ May they end up together again and last for eternity. ♫

♫ With animals. ♫ (alive)

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marigoldbaker · 1 month ago

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life's a bitch and then you keep living

She attends the funeral and Buffy punches her in the face. She’s getting used to it.

title from my beloved bojack horseman.

this fic possessed me when i was reading a different fanfiction that ended with one of those like -- one character dies and their immortal romantic partner decides to die along with them -- and it made my brain feel so many complicated feelings that i decided to excise them through this and didn't sleep until i was done. i am never done with my forevergirl. <3

i'm adding it under the cut because ao3 is going to be down for a few hours and i feel like posting my first jenny calendar fic in almost a year and then ao3 is inaccessible is uhhhh a little evil lol. trying to be nice to any existing jenny audience i may have...

She’s not graceful about it. That’s what’s really fucked. Probably, if it had been him, he’d have had some sort of romantic, Byronic spiraling-out, never loved again, burned everything down trying to avenge her, something like that. Him and his big fucking feelings that she never completely knew what to do with, never knew how to look directly in the eye, had to look away from when she admitted to her own.

They weren’t really anything. They didn’t have time to be.

She attends the funeral and Buffy punches her in the face. She’s getting used to it. She came expecting worse, so maybe that’s her grieving, wanting to feel it—wanting to feel more of that clawing, awful horror instead of clawing, awful nothing. He made her feel things. Her life was colorlessly superficial and he was a fucking Monet, full of soft, bright, out-of-focus-but-it’s-all-right sentimentality, and now he’s gone, so she can just go back to being a burnout failure of a comp sci teacher who never did anything truly worthwhile with her life. She could have had a destiny, a purpose, something, and she let that purpose kill him, because she wouldn’t commit to feeling it.

Vengeance. Love. Anything. She wouldn’t commit. She wouldn’t throw out that old blood, but she wouldn’t throw herself in with it, either. He’d chosen, at least, in the end—he’d dug his heels in and stuck to what he’d been before her, and if she’d done the same, there’s a sliver of a chance he’d still be here, sending her cold looks in the hallways. Reminding her that—well—maybe it would have been the wrong choice, but it would have been a choice. That would have been something.

She examines the blossom of a bruise on her cheek. Purple and red. Two of her favorite colors.

~~~~

So here’s a not-choice of a choice: she’s still teaching. You’d think she’d leave, or stay, or do something: this is neither. She stays where she is. She’ll freeze herself in amber, be that not-a-person that he fell in love with, that fictitious and beautiful woman who really wasn’t anything but what he wanted her to be. She’s Jenny Calendar. She teaches computer science at the local high school. She smiles only sometimes, jokes with the faculty, encourages the kids to be the best and brightest, and when blood gets on her shoes, she smiles like a fucking Stepford wife, because that’s what you do in a town like this when you’re not one of the people who knows how to fix it. Of course there are the people who sob and cry and try to change things, but she’s not one of those people anymore. Those are the people who get killed.

Willow drops her class. The kids huddle in the library still like they’re chasing a ghost, waiting for him to step out from the stacks, translucent, clinging to his job and his responsibilities even in death. He fucking would. She’d go in there and wait too if she thought he’d have anything to say to her.

When she dreams of him, it’s never the good shit, like when she talked him into driving down to the beach with her on a school day, wore a skimpy-but-tasteful bikini under her work blouse and flowing skirt, got to hear his indignant Jenny when he realized she’d been planning for this and hadn’t bothered to so much as pack him some swim trunks. She dreams about roses and roses and blood and roses and blood and the way the candlelight glinted off his glasses, glinted in his empty eyes.

She wonders if he’d have been fooled—if it had been her on the bed. He was always such a fucking romantic. She knew the goddamn second she walked in. Felt it in the air. When he was romantic, there was always an undertone of goofy excitement to it—he couldn’t pull off sensual operatic bullshit, not unironically. He wouldn’t have even tried for it. He’d have talked himself out of it in the first few seconds, convinced she’d have laughed him out of California, and god, maybe he’d have been right; she was such a fucking bitch.

When he was romantic, you felt it right down into your bone marrow, because it wasn’t the kind of bullshit you got from guys who thought they were being smooth and were really just assholes. He said the kind of things that knights said to princesses, and he’d say it right after Jenny had just gotten done making fun of his tie, but it only happened once or twice without him stammering too much to get the words out. She’d wait, though. She always waited for him to finish. Sometimes the bell rang before he could, before they’d kiss, and she’d linger in the hallway, waiting, waiting, waiting.

Never doing anything. Never doing anything right by him.

~~~~

When the new Watcher comes to the library and she sees him with his fucking tweed suit and his fucking round glasses and his fucking British accent, too young to die like her heart, why do they keep sending fucking kids to this fucking death trap of a nightmare of a town—she corners him in the faculty room, shoves him up against the wall, says, “You leave, you son of a bitch. You leave. You are not him. If he died, you’re not gonna last a fucking week, and if you last longer than that, I will kill you myself,” and it’s only because Snyder doesn’t give a shit about anything and she’s passing the athletics team like he asked that she doesn’t get some sort of disciplinary write-up.

Buffy comes in the next day and stands in her doorway like a ghost. Staring. Jenny says, “Fuck you,” and shuts the door in her face, which isn’t exactly the kind of blank you-can-kill-me-if-you-want impartiality she was going for, but what the fuck ever. Everything is ruined forever. The love of her life is dead.

~~~~

The Watcher keeps living. Buffy kills Angel or Angelus or something; Jenny doesn’t care. She remembers the floppy disk almost three months after Rupert’s death and goes down to that old mansion with it, sits outside—they’ve all cleared out, of course, or maybe Buffy’s killed them, or maybe they’re still there and they’ll kill her. Jenny doesn’t care.

She says to the empty air, “Well, I guess you got what you wanted after all, you sick fucking asshole,” and then she breaks the floppy disk in half. She doesn’t give a shit what anyone wants anymore. Not her family, not Buffy, not anyone. Who the fuck cares about the philosophical implications of Angel and Angelus? Rupert is dead. That’s it. End of fucking sentence.

Someone sits down next to her, light as a ghost. She doesn’t turn to look. It could be a vampire, it could be Buffy, it could be someone else, but whoever it is, it doesn’t matter, because the moment she says anything to them, that’s something unfurling within her, towards change, and she won’t let it. She’s Jenny Calendar, hollow girl. She is completely untouchable. And Rupert Giles is dead.

The someone who’s next to her says, “Not the sort of town you want to be alone in.”

Jenny doesn’t answer.

“I loved him too,” says the man. “Just so you know.”

So then she does know who it is, a little. Lets her head fall against his shoulder, a little. He’s about as important as she is around these parts, which means he’ll be gone by the morning. That’s the way it works when you love Rupert. He’s the sun and you’re the earth and the minute he’s gone—

“The Mayor hired me to drug every adult in town with enchanted candy in a few months’ time,” says the man whose voice she really does remember. “I’m staying here until then. Hidden from the eyes of the Slayer, of course.”

“Yeah, you have fun with that,” says Jenny.

“I’m inviting you to stay,” he says.

“No, you’re not,” she says. “You’re just not. I’m not helping you with shit. I’m done being something important. I am just fucking done, Ethan.”

Ethan’s quiet for a moment. “Then why are you still here?”

Because death is action and life is inaction and Jenny, demonstrably, is a woman of inaction. Jenny, if she takes an action now, will have taken one too late to save Rupert. Jenny, if she had taken an action then, could have saved Rupert, could have fucking done something, and refuses to grow into or past the version of herself that let Rupert die. She will not become someone who could have saved his life.

“I think you two would have been very happy together,” says Ethan. There’s a derisive edge to it. “You have the same goddamn martyr complex. The same sort of insufferable refusal to change when faced with the inevitable unpredictability of the world that we live in.”

“Yeah, whatever,” says Jenny. “You’re still sitting out here with me. You think you’re any better?”

“I don’t need to be,” says Ethan. “He’s dead.”

He gets it, Jenny thinks.

~~~~

Five months later, there’s a bunch of candy, inexplicably, in the area. Jenny picks up a bar and takes a bite and suddenly she’s hacked off all her hair, set a cop car on fire, and doubled over in the Sunnydale High parking lot, crying so hard, so, so hard, crying like she hasn’t cried since she was sixteen years old, so hard she’s going to throw up, thinking about what it would have been like if Rupert were here right now.

She wakes up the next morning and books an appointment at the salon. Evens it out.

~~~~

Five months after that, Buffy and her friends are in college across town, and Jenny’s teaching a new group of kids, and it’s all really starting to blur into a comforting haze of nothing, an endless blur of gray. Whatever she was before, whatever she could have been, she’s Jenny now, the masquerade mask of a woman with nothing behind her eyes, beguiling and bewitching and empty inside. A lie made up to hold something real.

The real girl is dead.

~~~~

Five months after that—

~~~~

It’s printed on the list of new students for the new semester. Intro to Comp Sci. Dawn Summers.

Somehow Jenny does not feel equipped for this. At all. Dawn is Buffy’s little sister. They haven’t met before now, mostly because Dawn was—was—her mind skips like a record playing wrong—because Dawn was too young at the time to be involved in much of anything, so Dawn’s impression of Jenny has to have been through secondhand information provided by Buffy.

Computer Science is not a mandatory class. Dawn could have very easily chosen not to sign up for this. Dawn very much has.

Jenny feels—

Feels—

That is what is wrong with the sentence; the rest does not need to be finished. Jenny feels. It’s been nothing for years and now it’s—something. Curiosity? Apprehension? She sits down at her desk and stares at the printed letters, trying to will them into a name that doesn’t matter. Sure that, somehow, she can do it.

~~~~

Dawn is a model student. Jenny compares her obsessively and repeatedly to Buffy, but also to Willow; she has aspects of both. She steels herself for Summers antipathy, a hand across the face, but Dawn treats her as though they’ve never met before, and somehow that hurts too—imagining her scrubbed from the lives of these children like she’s nothing. Never mind that she stepped away and did it first. Rupert mattered. Rupert changed the fabric of everything, and Jenny loved him. Failed him. She’d thought at least—

She’d thought at least that would mean something.

Dawn turns in her first assignment. It’s close to perfect without being Willow-levels of meticulous and slightly obsessive prodigy, which means that Willow isn’t helping her. She’s doing this herself. Jenny wants to ask why. She can’t ask why. She wants to ask why. It’s just not an option.

Dawn misses school every so often. No explanation. The fifth time this happens, she comes up to Jenny’s desk after class, which freezes Jenny’s goodbye-everyone smile in rictus. But Dawn’s only ever seen her tense and strange, so, luckily enough, Dawn doesn’t seem to really notice exactly how tense and strange Jenny is right now.

“Ms. Calendar?” she asks. Her face is blank, open, sweet—nothing but a teenage girl. “Do you have a minute?”

Jenny throws herself bodily into that shell of a mask of a woman and says, “Yeah, sure, Dawn. What’s up?”

“It’s just.” Dawn wavers. “You’ve kind of excused my absences every time without even asking that I make up work? I was looking at my grades when they came in, and I thought they’d be way, way lower, which I was totally okay with. Sorta thought you were the kind of teacher who doesn’t give the opportunity to do catch-up assignments, and I was a little too nervous to ask, ‘cause you always seem a little strung-out. Not in a bad way!” she hastily adds. “Just…I don’t know, I didn’t want to bother you? Especially after being gone as much as I am. But I got my grades, and it doesn’t look like you marked any of my missing assignments. Pretty much gave me perfect scores. So I was just wondering—”

“You were wondering why,” Jenny finishes.

Dawn smiles gratefully. It’s the kind of smile Buffy used to give Rupert. It claws a hole into Jenny’s chest and starts ripping her open, slowly, vivisecting her at her stupid fucking meaningless desk.

“Pretty much!” she says.

Jenny says, “I had your sister in my class.” That’s about all she can manage.

“…Oh,” says Dawn. She looks a little bemused. “Huh. You know, that’s not usually the response to Buffy.”

Yeah, well. Buffy doesn’t go around punching just any teacher in the face, kid. But Jenny can’t exactly say that to Dawn.

“She never mentioned you,” says Dawn. “Were you…did you guys get along?”

Jenny’s hand flickers to her throat. One of the other dreams she has, a lot, is one where Buffy kills her—on the desk, at the funeral, at school, on the sidewalk, like she’s an animal, like she’s an evil thing. Those are the dreams that hurt the least.

“Okay,” says Dawn. “Well. Uh. Cool talk, I guess?” She’s doing that Buffy thing, where she smiles with bemused annoyance, bouncing on the balls of her feet, puzzled-but-she-thinks-it’s-funny. Sisters. Jenny sees it every day. “And thanks for the grades, but you really don’t have to—”

“Yes,” says Jenny. “I do.”

There’s something too much about the intensity in her voice. She knows that the second she speaks. Dawn pulls back a little, still smiling, but now there’s a bit of Willow to her—that mystery-solving curiosity. That determination.

Jenny decides to let her try. Death is action. Life is inaction.

~~~~

The next day, Dawn is at her desk again. She doesn’t look ready to kill Jenny, but she does look a little miffed.

“So you do know Buffy,” she says.

“What did Buffy tell you?”

“Uh, literally nothing. Do you have siblings?”

Jenny has a hundred family ghosts on her shoulder and her dead parents are two of them. She might not have been an only child if things were different. They’re not.

Dawn seems to take her silence for the answer it is. “Well. All Buffy said to me when I asked her was leave it alone, Dawn, which is literally so-o Buffy of her, like, can you even believe? I mean, what am I supposed to do, just—”

“Leave it alone?” Jenny dryly suggests.

“Come on,” says Dawn. “I’m not doing that.”

She sees her, for a second. Buffy. Standing in front of her desk, smiling sharply, that other ghost girl she failed—sunlight and bubblegum, bruised by the world but still so hopeful. Thrumming with joy and possibility. Twirling her hair over Angel because no one told her not to do it, or maybe because everyone told her not to do it, or maybe—possibly—because sometimes loving someone makes you forget what’s smart and what’s safe.

Jenny sits up a little. She says, “Your sister decked me in the face at her Watcher’s funeral. You want to find out more? Ask her about that.”

And credit where credit is due—Dawn doesn’t flinch back with oh-my-gosh teenage horror. She tilts her head just a little, eyes narrowing with that Summers spirit, and smiles almost appreciatively.

“Thanks, Ms. C,” she says. “I owe you one.”

~~~~

Buffy shows up at Jenny’s house after hours. Without preamble, she says, “Stay away from my sister.”

Jenny says nothing. Waits for the blow.

Buffy turns on her heel and storms away. Jenny watches her, curiously, and wonders if Buffy knows that she holds no power over a woman who dreams of what it would be like for the Vampire Slayer’s hands to close around her throat again. Buffy kills monsters. That’s what she does.

~~~~

Of course Dawn shows up at Jenny’s desk again after class, and this time, when she does, Jenny actually smiles. It feels strange on her face—a smile in a way that doesn’t hurt. It makes her think about how much everything else does, all the time.

Dawn sits down on the edge of the desk and says, gleefully, “Buffy got so mad.”

“Yeah,” says Jenny. “I bet.”

“She’s totally not going to tell me,” says Dawn, “but I asked, so now you totally have to. Why’d she punch you in the face?”

Jenny takes out her wallet. Takes out the folded-over ticket stubs: Admit Two for a monster truck rally from 1997. “Give her these,” she says. “Tell her where I was keeping them. See what happens.”

~~~~

And honestly, she doesn’t know what’s going to happen. She’s hoping Buffy kills her.

But Buffy doesn’t come at all that night.

~~~~

This time, Dawn doesn’t bounce up to her desk. She places the ticket stubs back down in front of Jenny a little shakily, mouth trembling.

“She cried all night,” she says. “This isn’t fun anymore. I don’t want to know.”

Jenny picks up the ticket stubs and puts them back in her wallet. Rummages in her desk drawer, instead, until she finds the thing that she can’t look at anymore. Hands it to Dawn.

Dawn stares at it for a very long time. The tremor in her hand increases. She lets the photo strip flutter back down onto the desk, on top of the ticket stubs: Jenny and Rupert tangled up in the tiny booth, laughing. Jenny’s lipstick is all over Rupert’s face. He’s too big to fit in the booth and she’s mostly on his lap. They’re luminous.

“That’s—” Dawn says.

“Yeah,” says Jenny.

“So you’re—” Dawn says.

“Yeah,” says Jenny.

Dawn sits down on the edge of Jenny’s desk. Her eyes are a little wet. She doesn’t say anything, just picks up the photo again, staring intensely at it like she’s trying to burn it into her eyes.

Jenny says, “He was the love of my life.”

Almost two seconds later, Dawn says, “My mom’s in the hospital.”

Jenny holds out her hand, palm-up. Dawn takes it.

~~~~

Buffy’s on her door again that night. She’s hammering hard on the wood. Jenny gets up, opens the door, and Buffy says, desperately, tearfully, “I’m sor—”

Which isn’t what she’s fucking supposed to do. So Jenny shuts the door in her face.

~~~~

Dawn doesn’t come up to Jenny’s desk after class. She comes in at lunch instead. Jenny asks, “Don’t you have friends?” and Dawn just sort of laughs wetly and offers her a carrot stick, which is a hell of a lot better than Jenny’s current lunch of choice, which is whatever she wants from the vending machine, because she doesn’t eat lunch anymore. Rupert had been making hers before Angelus snapped his neck and killed them both.

They eat in silence until about five minutes before they’re supposed to go, when Jenny says, “I don’t want to be in a world where he isn’t.”

“Yeah, but you are,” says Dawn. “And the thing is, you kind of have to be. I mean, if my mom dies, I know she’d lose it finding out I died too, and then you gotta deal with all that junk in heaven when you’re supposed to be having fun with the angels. You really want your first moments with Giles again to be all about him telling you how mad he is you didn’t do a good job at living without him?”

Which makes Jenny laugh so hard she chokes on a carrot stick. Lucky thing. She can say the tears are from that.

~~~~

Dawn comes with two lunches the next day. “Nobody ever sees you eat,” she says, and Jenny’s about to turn it down when she realizes it’s actually just greasy fast food in a deceptive paper bag.

“Oh, what the heck, Buffy?” Dawn demands. “Come on! She never lets me just have a burger and fries for lunch?!”

“I can’t take this,” says Jenny immediately.

“What?” Dawn groans. “Oh, man. Look, she gave me the lunch because I asked for an extra one.Does that make it better? Does that make whatever weird thing you guys have okay?”

“We don’t have—” Jenny stiffens defensively.

“Just eat the friggin’ burger,” says Dawn.

Jenny eats the friggin’ burger. Grudgingly.

~~~~

Buffy comes in at Parent-Teacher Night. Her eyes are a little sunken; she looks older and more tired than Jenny remembers. Nothing even half as luminous as her sister, who’s chattering away in that nervous Summers-babble style where she’s trying to make sure everyone’s just talking about computers. She’s in the middle of some tangent about programming that makes it very clear she has no idea what’s going on in class when Buffy says, “Are you even washing your hair?”

“You sound like Cordelia,” says Jenny. Her mouth twitches. “Are you two still friends?”

“We weren’t friends before.”

“Excuse me for not keeping up with the intricacies of your high school social life,” says Jenny, brows raised. “I was a little busy—”

“Busy doing what?” says Buffy. “Stepford-wifing it up? You were goddamn creepy all through senior year. We kept on trying to talk to you and you’d just look through us.”

Jenny doesn’t actually remember any of that. She doesn’t really feel like arguing the point. “Get me a better shampoo, then,” she says. “Slay the monster that is my greasy and terrible hair.”

“Take better care of yourself,” says Buffy.

Why do you even care, Jenny wants to say, but some small part of her really does know why. It’s awful, the knowing.

“…does anyone want to see my program?” Dawn asks, a little hysterically.

Something occurs to Jenny. “Where’s Joyce?”

Buffy sort of smiles. It’s the kind of smile that hurts; Jenny can see the hurt in her shoulders and her hands. “Mom’s…not doing well,” she says. “But she’ll be better. We think.”

Fucking goddamn it, Jenny does feel something, thinking about Buffy losing Joyce on top of Rupert. How the fuck is that fair? She can’t get punched in the face and fix it. She can’t take the hit and be the villain, the problem, the thing Buffy could have killed to keep the right person alive. She can just sit here, mostly a stranger, basically nothing, and try to think of something to say that isn’t—

“Fuck that,” she says. It sounds—real. “Fucking absolute goddamn bullshit. As though you haven’t been through enough! Both of you! Living here! Why don’t you just pick up your sister, take your mom to an LA hospital—I have a credit card,” she’s rummaging in her purse, “take my goddamn credit card, go start just buying shit—”

“Ooh, absolutely!” says Dawn.

“Dawn, don’t,” says Buffy, blocking her sister’s hand. “We don’t take credit cards from people having a mental health crisis.”

“It’s not a mental health crisis, it’s a state of being,” Jenny corrects her.

“It’s not a state of being, it’s the worst hair I’ve ever seen,” Buffy counters.

“This is fun,” says Dawn. “I want to take Buffy to talk to my science teacher now.”

“Not everyone’s Ms. Calendar,” says Buffy. “Ms. Calendar has emotional problems.”

“God, you are a bitch now that you’re not in high school,” Jenny observes, which makes Buffy actually laugh. A real one. It doesn’t match her eyes or the tightness in her mouth, but—it sounds like that bubblegum girl.

~~~~

Jenny casts the bones and reads the cards and prays for a miracle when they all say the same thing: death, death, death, death, death. She whispers it into the wind: please, if it’s a punishment for my inaction, please, I’ll do anything, I’ll be good, I’ll be better, if those girls get to keep their mom. Please, whoever’s listening, it’s worth losing him if those girls get to keep their mom. They’re young enough. They’ve lost enough. I’ll do anything. I will be anything. I will drown myself in blood, I will give myself to Hecate, I will bring back any monster, make myself the monster, just so long as—

~~~~

And of course prayer does fuck-all and Dawn breaks down in a class that isn’t hers. Art class. As though Jenny didn’t have enough bad blood with the art department. She finds out two days later when Dawn still isn’t in class and she ends up having an actual, embarrassing panic attack, has to stagger out into the hallway because she can’t breathe, can’t stop thinking about that little baby sunshine girl strewn out in an alley with her throat cut. When did it start fucking mattering again?

Someone catches her arms. For a moment, the grip is so strong, and she almost thinks—Rupert—

Xander says, “Hey. Hey, Ms. Calendar. Hey. It’s okay.”

Jenny actually does start crying. It’s really humiliating. Worse than that is the fact that Xander, who she remembers as the world’s most annoying fifteen-year-old, is suddenly a strong, solid college student who can help her over to a chair while she sobs hard enough to throw up. He holds her hand the whole time.

“It’s okay,” he keeps repeating. “It’s okay. Dawn asked me to come and check on you. She thought—well, we forgot—” He fumbles. “We didn’t know you and Buffy were friends again.”

Friends is a really weird way to describe “Buffy shows up outside my house sometimes with shampoo,” but Jenny’s still crying too hard to correct him. She buries her face in her hands and tries to remember how to breathe.

“She’s okay,” Xander says. “She’s—” His voice breaks a little. “It’s. Uh. Joyce.”

At which point Jenny actually does throw up on her own shoes.

~~~~

Xander takes the shoes and walks her to his car. He’s holding her hand, which is weird, but so is Joyce Summers being dead. So is whatever Jenny’s going to have to say to Snyder about skipping her own classes to throw up on the floor outside of the library.

“Anya might have shoes that fit you,” he offers. “Her feet run a little bigger than yours, but.”

Anya’s shoes are terrible. Impractical business-girl heels. Jenny ignores them entirely, clambering into Xander’s passenger seat and sinking back against the chair until it reclines.

“Yeah, you know what, sure,” says Xander to himself, and gets in, starting the car. “So, uh, how’ve you been? Anything new going on? Kinda thought you’d leave, after—all that shit went down sophomore year.”

“Inaction is death,” says Jenny. “Action is—” No, wait, that’s not right.

“…Neato,” says Xander. “Can I put on the radio?”

She doesn’t answer. He turns it on.

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming, or the moment of truth in your lies—

“CAN YOU TURN OFF THE RADIO,”says Jenny.

“Geez,” says Xander, “who died?” and then he starts laughing really hard and really loud, hyena loud, until he just doubles over on the steering wheel and starts crying.

Jenny stares at the ceiling. Thinks, bizarrely, and almost warmly, that this would be the kind of moment that Rupert would describe as his own personal nightmare, which is enough for her to sit up in the car a little.

“Hey,” she says, and sort of whacks Xander on the shoulder in an attempt to pat him. “Uh. There, there?”

Xander keeps crying. Jenny gives up and goes back to lying down.

One time she and Rupert tried to have car sex and he almost threw out his back on top of the crossbow bolt wound she inflicted. One time she drove Buffy to the docks with Angel in the backseat and Buffy in the front seat and both of them trying to convince her Buffy should be in the backseat—her resolute in her determination to at least halfway live up to her promise to her uncle, never mind that Buffy shouldn’t have ever been in that car in the first place. One time—

Xander’s crying is beginning to even out. Wetly, he says, “It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It wasn’t even—it wasn’t even like—monsters kill people here, not—”

“Xander, things just die here,” says Jenny. “This is the worst fucking town in the history of the world.”

“So why are you still here?” he demands.

“Rupert’s grave is still here,” says Jenny, and realizes with a small and painful jolt that this is the real reason.

He rubs a hand across his face and says, shakily, “Let’s get you home.”

~~~~

Dawn and Buffy both rush her at the door. She doesn’t know why she’s expecting this when it happens. They both just tumble into her like puppies, like it’s what they’re supposed to do, and she holds them so fucking tight, just about collapses to the ground with them. Nobody’s crying. Nobody’s saying anything. Buffy’s face is tucked into her hair.

From somewhere far away, Willow says, “Ms. Calendar?”

Buffy says, “The finances are a mess. And funerals are so expensive.”

Jenny says, “Now who’s asking for the credit card of a woman having a mental health crisis?”

“Yeah, well, I’m a woman in a mental health crisis. Make a donation.” Buffy’s holding Jenny hard enough to bruise. Jenny doesn’t give a shit. “You should be failing Dawn. She’s learning nothing in Comp Sci.”

“I do whatever the fuck I fucking want.”

Jenny lets go of them both, a little. Dawn looks dizzy with relief. Buffy is just meeting her eyes with this firm intensity, nothing hostile to it, but nothing at all like the light and frothy teenage girl who looked cheerfully through her. Maybe it’s the first time they’re actually looking at each other.

“It fucking sucks,” says Buffy.

“Yeah,” says Jenny. Maybe she’s crying a little. “Yeah, it does.”

“And it never—never stops hurting.”

“Yeah.”

“Never.”

Jenny reaches out and catches Buffy’s face in her hand. “Are you keeping up with your classes? I’m not letting you drop out.”

“I do whatever the fuck I fucking want.”

“Not on my dime.” She squeezes Buffy’s shoulder. “You’ll take a semester off and then it’s back to the grind. And maybe we’re moving to LA. What the fuck are we still doing here?”

“We need—”

“I don’t give a shit.”

“There’s still—”

“I don’t give a shit, Buffy, we’re done. We’re done.”

Buffy smiles a little. “Yeah, okay,” she says. “LA. We’re done. Let the hell town eat itself.”

No one’s there to stop them, anyway.

#fic #jenny calendar #jenny and buffy #jenny and dawn #i think the thing that really hits about writing for jenny now is like #whenever i do it just means so fucking much to me.#i am not just writing to keep writing for her forever.#whatever i produce now is very .... from my heart! <3 #also deeply harrowing and all about grief and horror but yknow

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willowswiththorns · 10 months ago

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I’ve noticed a drought in Jess Mariano x readers. I’m not use to writing fics so I’ll do some head canons for now. As always if you have any suggestions, my commissions are open. Thank you for reading - Willow

Jess Mariano Drabble

First thing that needs to be stated is that Jess Mariano is a complex character, so I am breaking him down by a few seasons at a time.

Season 2 :

Meeting Jess in Stars Hallow will be an interesting and almost intense experience. You’d meet either at Luke’s, in high school, or in the bookstore.

If you meet at Luke’s, you’d catch his eye. He wouldn’t say anything, but he would subtly make his presence known. A good example would be him helping Luke for the first time by bringing over your plate of food/drink before abruptly leaving the diner.

Now if you both meet at the bookstore, you would most definitely get his attention. He’ll sneak past you a few times, trying to peak and see what books you were looking at before finally saying something regarding the book. Once the conversation starts, it’ll last a good while and end with him giving you a book recommendation before heading out. He’ll give you one little last glance back.

If first meet at high school, it’ll be the least amount of interaction. You’d be sitting beside him in the back row of class, zoning out and looking around until your eyes fall on him. Jess isn’t paying attention to the lesson either, he’s more invested in a small book he snuck into class . He’s so zoned into the book, he doesn’t notice you staring into him. It wasn’t until the bell rang that he’d look over for a second and notice you. He’d stare at you, a bit confused before he’d get up to walk away.

Now the second time you bump into him, he’d seem a bit more comfortable with you. You’d be sitting on a bench by the gazebo reading when you feel movement by the space beside you. “Hey “ is all he’d say at first before looking down at your book. “The Virgin Suicide? That sounds interesting” he’d tease softly in his monotone voice. He’d then grab your book and take a look at the back “Jeez, this look depressing-“ he’d hand the book back and ask you your thoughts about it. You both would be talking about the plot about the book and how it was inspired by the author’s teenage babysitter. Needless to say you were both debating literature for a while.

After that quality time at the park, the chances of seeing Jess again is high. In fact, if he sees you around town, rest assured he’ll find his way over to you. He isn’t opened about his past with you, so deep talks are out the window. However, he’s open to chatting about day to day things in his life. Any conversation about your day to day life you’d notice how intently Jess listens in. He shows he listens to you, he even sometimes brings up small details you’ve mentioned briefly in conversation. The most you’ll hear if he talks is about his uncle or how the town’s people don’t like him that much except for maybe two girls, you and Rory.

You and Jess meet up a lot more after his trip to the Independence Inn wedding. However in most of his meet ups he seems a bit withdrawn, and you can’t help but wonder why. If you push for why a bit with Jess, he’ll grumble about how Rory kissed him. Needless to say the relationship gets a bit rocky from here, however if you comfort him well about the situation with Rory, he will come to you more about his feelings. Slowly but surely, you both become closer to each other, confiding to each other about each other’s past experiences. You open up to him about your living situation and lack of plans for the future, how you’re afraid of being alone but know staying with your parents past high school will only make you a financial burden onto them. He eventually opened up about how his dad wasn’t around, how his mom was unreliable and dumped him off to his uncle as soon as she couldn’t handle him anymore.

Season 3 :

The summer between you two is nothing short of amazing. He’s practically glued to your hip, and it’s a bit of gossip for the town of you both potentially dating. However neither you nor Jess has confessed any romantic feelings to each other, so the rumors were just that. You’d be found either at Luke’s with Jess, or Jess would be spotted sneaking up into your room to spend time with you. Lying down on his bed, you listened to Jess reading Howl by Allen Ginsburg out loud. He’s only holding the paperback with one hand while his other was in your hair, slowly letting his fingers scratch gently at your scalp. “ The wage they pay us is too low to live on. Tragedy reduced the numbers. This for the poor shepherds- Y/n?“ he’d only pause once he’d realized your usual commentary was replaced with soft almost quiet snores. With a sign, he’d put the book on his nightstand and got more comfortable so he can join you in your little nap.

Your feelings regarding Jess definitely have grown over the summer together, sadly it wasn’t too long before he was caught making out with the girl from your science class, Shane. He was still around more and still having the habits of cuddling in bed reading with you or looking at records together at a store, it’s just sometimes Shane would invite herself. Shane was always very touchy and flirty with Jess, but she was never really heinous to you. The only time she’d show agitation with you is if she wants alone time with Jess and even then you’d find Jess sneaking into your room later that night to see you.

With your now duo becoming a trio, you had gotten to get to know Shane more and actually got along with her well. She offers you any hair tips and tricks since she works at the Beauty Supply. Other than the awkward times where both Jess and Shane would have awkward acts of PDA in the most random places, being able to hang out with them is a pleasant experience.

Once Rory comes back to town it becomes a bit more tense of an environment. Even though Shane doesn’t notice Jess using her to make Rory jealous, you notice almost right away. Trying to talk to Jess about the situation only makes him mad and shut down completely with you, so much so that you don’t accompany him and Shane to the 24 hour dance. You find out rather quickly that shit hits the fan when you see a crying Shane at your door, explaining everything that went down. After comforting her and walking her home, you decide to stop by Luke’s only to find that Jess isn’t home. Luke mentions that he’d pass the word to Jess that you stopped by. With that you head home.

Once Jess and Rory’s relationship became public, it has become clear that any free time would go to his new girlfriend. Seeing Jess occasionally is bittersweet, the most he’d do when seeing you around town is use the free hand that’s not wrapped around Rory to wave to you. It isn’t until one night he comes to you all frustrated, not telling you what’s happening to make him upset. He doesn’t really open up until a few hours later into the night after you get him in a more comfortable spot. Everything about his life that’s bugging him, Rory and his love life, flunking out of school, bumping into his father for the first time, and the town hating him are all reasons as to why he’s upset. It wasn’t until you slowly tried to hug him that he looked at you. Jess isn’t the type of guy to cry in front of anyone, but just looking him in the eye you can tell he’s exhausted. Grabbing his hand, you slowly dragged him into bed, making sure he took his shoes off before putting the blankets on the both of you. “You don’t need to do this, this was a mistake-“ You smiled and shushed him , curling up next to him. “ Shut up and sleep. Goodnight Jess” As you slowly drifted off to sleep, you hear him whisper a goodnight to you.

When you wake up, the bed is empty. There was no trace of him still being in your room. A little bit of panic hits you as you get up and grab your phone to dial to Luke’s. Luke picks up and when you ask if Jess made it home safely, he hesitant to answer. After a little bit of pushing, Luke tells you that Jess skipped town.

Season 4 :

It’s been a long while since you’ve seen Jess, but the memories of him still stick with you. The most memorable thing is that last night between the two of you. How he let you curled up against him and how his arms slowly wrapped up around your body. Your parents are concerned about how you lock yourself in your room unless you have to go to work. They force you to get out the house for the festivities in town. The ghost of him lingers everywhere you go, it’s a shock when you see a glimpse of Jess at one of the town’s festivals. You see him chase after Rory and you can’t help but feel your heart swell. With slowly steps, you go to Jess’s car as you see him quickly run from Rory to his car to drive away.

Jess almost hits you on his way out of town. His brain has sent him reeling so much over the fact that he confessed to Rory that he almost hits you. Seeing you in front of his car with the look of pure fear and heartbreak in your eyes fills his chest with guilt and dread. He never truly said goodbye to you, but he wasn’t never the best at goodbyes. Not being able to handle any more heartbreak, he turned his car around you so he could speed away.

At this point the thought of Jess sends feelings of loneliness strike through you. He’s a runner from all his responsibilities, not thinking about who he hurts. All the times you both spent together just for him to leave not once but twice without even uttering a goodbye to you.

One morning eating at Luke’s, an older woman comes in asking if Luke was around. Since your mouth was full of fries, you pointed at Luke talking to Lorelai. With in a matter of seconds Luke pulls this mystery woman to the kitchen to bicker and argue before the woman walks off upstairs.

After a few days of ease-dropping, you find out that the mystery woman Luke was arguing about was actually his sister, Jess’s mother. She and her fiance, TJ, were planning their renaissance wedding in the town’s square. After one day of eating at Luke’s and looking at some jewelry that Liz had out for sale, she asks about who you were. Smiling, you explain how you eat here regularly and was actually a friend of Jess. Liz’s smile beamed bright as she’d grab your arm “ You should come to TJ and My’s wedding! I’m sure Jess would love to see you there!” You smile and look down at your shoes before awkwardly answering with a small, “I don’t think he’ll want to see me-“ Shed cut you off “ Nonsense! Please come, me and TJ would love for you to join us!” With a small sign, you agreed to come.

The day of the wedding was delightful to say the least. You asked Mrs Patty if she had any renaissance themed clothes you could wear to the wedding, and she brought out a very pretty gown she had in her costume closet she has for her dancers. The town square was filled with people in costumes, you’d fit in just fine. Finding a place to sit was a bit difficult, but a man who claimed to be TJ’s brother let you sit up a row in front of Luke and Lorelai. “Lorelai you look amazing!” You’d say, spin around to talk to the woman behind you. She’d show a beautiful smile and reply back “thanks hon! You look great too! I think I actually sewed that up for one of Mrs Patty’s recitals last year-“ you let out a little chuckle “ I guess I got busted, yeah I borrowed it from Patty” you both chat a bit more until you see Jess walk down the isle. Your eyes met before you’d force yourself to look away. As Liz and TJ got to the alter, Jess takes a seat next to you. You can feel his gaze dig into the side of your face as you try to keep your eyes on the ceremony. After the wedding, you do your best to keep your distance from Jess. It’s better to just be away from him rather than let him hurt you by leaving unannounced again. When the after party ends, you’re quick to make your way home, reminding yourself to just drop off the dress to Patty tomorrow morning.

As you’re making your way over the bridge you hear Jess call out to you. You try to speed walk more but to no avail, you feel a strong hand grip your wrist and pulled you towards him. “ Jess-“ you’d cry out in shock as he holds you close. Looking up, you can see the anguish in his eyes, his face trying to not be too expressive as he tries to find out what to say. “ y/n….I” you try to pull away but he doesn’t budge. “ I know I left and I’m sorry. I miss you, and I love you…” you shake your head “ you can’t just come back after leaving me twice and god!” You push him away “ you can’t just say you love me!” Tears slowly started to form as you try to walk away again, him tailing close behind. “ I’m different now! I know you couldn’t count on me before but you can now! It’s different I promise. We can leave together, right now! “ You stop your walk and turn to him. “ what’re you talking about? “ he’d grab your hands and get closer to you. “Let’s go. We can leave this town and be together. We don’t need to stay here y/n. Please, you can count on me now I promise.” The both of you stand awkwardly on the bridge now, not sure what to do. You stand there for a minute and ponder your choices. You can either say no and go back to your home or you can say yes and run away with the man you fell in love with years ago.

You look away and let go of his hands. “ Jess I…” you started but Jess sighs “ forget it. It was stupid to ask…” with a turn, he starts to walk away. “Wait! Jess- “ you yelled out again. “ what?” He asked, stopping abruptly and turning back to you. “ I thought about it… with my work and my family I should say no.” The look of rejection plastered on his face. You let out a weak laugh, tears now streaming down your face as you finished.

“But I love you too, and I’d be a fool to let you leave me again. Help me pack?”

Season 6 :

You both have had your ups and downs these past few months. Jess rooms with a few guys he works with up in a Philadelphia bookshop, meanwhile you’ve saved up enough for a cute little apartment from the two jobs you’ve been working at nonstop since you ran away. Jess usually spends the night at the bookstore, but when you’re both off he prefers to stay at your studio apartment.

Tonight you were celebrating the release of Jess’s first book. He has it set up and ready to sell to the public, but for tonight he’s all yours. He’d let out a low chuckle as you’d wrap your arms around his waist, kissing up his neck before hiding your face. “ Congratulations honey~” you’d whisper softly, your breath tickling his neck. His hands slowly play with your hair as he uses his free hand to take a sip of his champagne. “ thank you.” He whispered back, turning his head to you so he could place a little kiss on your head.

Day of the book being released to the public was a very hectic one to say the least. The room that was usually quiet and empty was now packed with people. Jess stayed close to you as he talked to customers, his hand gently on the small of your back. The smile on his face grew as he saw Luke and his niece, April enter the store. You both immediately go to the pair and greet them. Luke giving both you and Jess a strong hug. The conversation was pleasant as you mostly just listened to the three talk amongst themselves. Another familiar face meets your vision and you tense up a little. Jess feels you tense up and follows your stare to see none other than Rory Gilmore. She smiles and says hi to you both, and you let out a small hi before looking at the ground. Everyone resumes talking as you zone out.

After Luke and April wave goodbye and head out, so did many other customers as the store was getting ready to close. You and a few of the guys who also own the place start cleaning up as Rory and Jess talk. You do your best to not listen to their conversation, but curiosity consumed you. Their conversation was pretty tame for the most part, but something in you can sense that Rory misses Jess in some ways. As you see her lean in for a kiss, Jess stops her and gets up. He wishes her a safe trip home and gives her a small hug before walking over to you, his hand grabbing yours as he walked Rory out with you.

When Rory left, you looked up at Jess with worried eyes. You trusted Jess completely and have been through everything with him, but some part of you feared he might still have friends with Rory. It seemed Jess could read that off your expression almost instantly and tried to reassure you. “ You know I love you and only you, right?” He’d ask you, his hand slowly moving to be around your waist. You’d give a small nod, looking away. You hated how easily he could read you now. A small smile would form on his face as he’d move you to face him. “ She’s my friend and that’s it. I promise. I love you y/n. “ he’d tell you before slowly leaning in to kiss your lips.

AYITL :

It’s been years now, the both of you have already tied the knot and been together for nearly a decade now. You both agreed to get married, but not have a big reception like everyone else. In fact, the people who came to watch you and Jess get married was Jess’s family. Now you both live together in a nice apartment, enjoying the married life. Jess is working on his book and overall working on his self improvement more, meanwhile you are working your dream job and helping Jess out with his new book he’s writing.

When Jess mentions heading back to the small town you both met at, you were a bit nervous. You hadn’t seen your family since the night you ran away with Jess. Sometimes you wondered how they were doing, if you leaving ever really hurt them in some way. Dread and guilt hit you like a freight train at the thought. There was only one time you tried to call your parents during the first few months after you ran away, and even then hearing them pick up and ask who was calling scared you so much, you hung up almost instantly. Jess had to hold you that night as you cried. The memory alone made you feel sick, however you know going with Jess was the right approach.

Entering Stars Hallow sent you back to the time you were a young teen. It was like the town has barely changed, and by the look in Jess’s face, he seemed to feel the same. After parking the truck, you both walked up into Luke’s Diner. Luke looked a little older now, but he seemed the same as the many years before. The older man was quick to come and hug you both, welcoming you in for food. You watched the both of them talk for a bit before spotting your mom walking into the diner. Your eyes met hers as she stood there in shock to see you. The fear of her hating you for running away without a goodbye flooded back. “ Mom-“ You were cut short by your mom running over to hug you tightly. Both Jess and Luke seemed a bit tense, watching the scene unfold. “ I’m so sorry.. leaving the way I did. I know you probably don’t forgive me for leaving. I’m sorry” Tears started to well up as you apologized. “ I’m sorry for leaving you and Dad, I just didn’t know how to tell you-“ Your mom shushes you gently and doesn’t let go. “ You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay, Jess reached out a few years ago in your behalf and kept us updated. We’re just happy you’re happy honey.”

After that nice encounter, it felt like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You let Jess go to the gazette to visit Rory as you talked to your mother some more. The idea of Jess and Rory use to plague your mind of worry, however Jess has done nothing but be loyal to you so the fear overtime vanished. You showed your mother the wedding ring you have and smiled. For the rest of the day, you spent time with your family, you did have a decade of time to catch up on with them.

Later that night you came to Luke’s upper apartment to sleep. Luke moved into the Gilmore house a few years ago, so he loans out the upper apartment for you and Jess to stay In whenever you both were in town. Yawning, you kicked off your shoes and stripped off your clothes so you could change into your pajamas. Jess came out of the bathroom, stretching as he watched you change. “ How did I get so lucky to have you?” He’d ask, walking over to you and kissing your neck. The feeling of his lips on your skin makes you shutter slightly, a blush creeping onto your cheeks. “ Hmmm I don’t know babe~” you’d tease playfully and in red he’d let out a fake gasp of shock to play along. The kisses up your neck and jawline didn’t halt however, he was just getting started. “ God I love you so much “ he’d whisper in your ear before turning you to face him. You both locked eyes as pressed yourself against him. His eyes were filled with love and adoration for you. He is the love of your life, and you are the love of his life. With a loving smile, you kiss him on the lips. He tried to deepen the kiss, however you push him away for only a second. You only had one thing to tell him before you’d continue .

“ I love you too Jess.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you guys enjoyed this. I’m running on a few hours of sleep, so if the pacing or grammar is a bit off I’m so sorry. I tried to keep true to the timeline and add more details to it. I also wanted to add more information towards y’all’s character, but if you don’t like the family part I totally get it. Please let me know what y’all think in the comments. My commissions are open so let me know 🥰 thank you guys again for reading and supporting my writing. Have a wonderful day everyone! - Willow

#jess mariano #my work #jess mariano x reader #jess mariano imagine #gilmore girls #gilmore girls x reader

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oliviasroses19 · 6 months ago

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I’m in my Colin feels again (I mean I always am but this time it’s too much and I must get it out) so buckle up, grab some tea and biscuits, and maybe some tissues depending on if I can get this written correctly.

I know people wish Colin would have suffered more before Pen forgave him but this man was suffering long before we saw him on screen flirting with the debutants on the street. Colin spent the whole of his four month tour missing Penelope and then kept missing her up until their reconciliation. In his own words he spent his whole tour yearning to receive word from home, from Penelope, in fact. We all know he missed her more than he let on initially and baby boy was desperate to hear from her. He surely cannot think of a logical reason for her silence. Their last (known to him) exchange was shared affirmations during their romantic platonic dance. I wish we would have gotten some sort of screen time of him whilst on his travels to get a little more depth of his spiraling from the loss of her letters that leads to his fake persona but I digress. He comes home and tries to get back on track with her only to receive many a cold shoulder from Pen, first at the garden party, and then at Lady Danbury’s ball where he finally learns of the reason for her silence. He is desperate to get back in her good graces and wasted no time with his apology (the next morning, he obviously couldn’t sleep).

He then finds a way to make up for his callous remark (we’ve all read the words enough and frankly I do not wish to repeat them) in the form of helping Pen find a husband.

Only, this doesn’t help with his missing her. They get to spend more time flirting laughing together like they used to. But there is also the ticking clock running down the time they will have together. Yes, he is dumb when it comes to Penelope, but not too dim witted to not realize that as soon as she is married, things will not be the same as it had been in the past. We see him start to realize this more at the Full Moon Ball. As soon as she starts interacting with Lord Basilio and Remington, yes he gets jealous, but there’s more to it. He’s getting a glimpse of how things will be when he’s not the one she gossips with or spends time with. He’s missing her before she is even wed.

And then the kiss happens.

And she gives him up while he realizes what he has truly been missing and why he missed her so deeply when she didn’t respond to his letters and he will continue to miss her because she is looking for a husband that is not him.

Then we have proper yearning while he watches her with Debling and it is eating him alive. He is trying to accept letting her go and he becomes a shell of a man in the process. He needs his Pen. Thankfully, Mama Bridgerton talked him out of his stupor and prompted him to act.

He professes his feelings for Pen and admits that he prefers sleep because that is where he might find her. He has been following her request for distance (kind of, sort of, maybe) since the willow tree. He follows her around like the golden retriever boy he is because he will take any interaction possible, even if he has to hear her talk about how Debling is not displeasing to look at. He misses her so entirely that he will take any form of Pen he can get. Even the non tangible, dream version of her. Because up until he crashed Debling’s proposal, he thought that was going to be the future extent of Pen he would have. But now he has told her how he feels and she wants to be so much more than friends.

He thinks he doesn’t have to miss her anymore. She’s going to be his wife.

But things still aren’t right between them. Colin is the king of reading Pen (well most of the time, boy still doesn’t realize she loves him). She’s high strung and not as open as he is used to her being. He is still missing her.

He finds out the reason is Whistledown and suddenly he’s missing the idea of her he had in his head. He thinks he doesn’t know her and he is also worried about the possibility of losing her if she is found out. Again, missing her before she is gone. She gives him an out from marrying her which he, rather harshly, puts down. He is upset, rightly so, but he cannot imagine not being with her. He knows what life is like without her in it and he cannot, will not, does not want to let that happen again.

We then have the fight outside the modiste and he is able to somewhat reconcile the two women he thought were separate. The wedding happens and for a moment, they are together, and nothing else matters.

But the moment is ruined when the Queen crashes their dance, and now the very real fear for her safety is again taking precedence.

He separates himself from her physically and a bit emotionally yet he still misses her. Colin could have slept anywhere in their apartment but chose the very uncomfortable settee right outside their room so he could be close. It is just as hard on him to not be near or with her as is it for Pen to not be with him. He is yearning for her but WD is still looming over them.

Then there is Cressida. Another thing that can take Penelope away from him. We finally see him admit how much he longed to hear from Penelope. The “I miss you” from the Four Seasons Ball was over shadowed by his rake fake persona and I fear it hasn’t been taken seriously enough. He did miss her, he wasn’t just saying it to get into her good graces.

I think when he tells Cressida he longed to hear from Penelope, he remembers why she didn’t respond. It is because he hurt her. This is another step in moving forward through the WD issue. He understands they have both unfortunately hurt each other. I think this makes it easier for him to forgive her (along with the argument outside the modiste) for the hurt she has caused him.

He then royally screws up appealing to Cressida. It breaks my heart watching our teary eyed boy admit his failure but Pen is not angry with him. She sees him trying and loves him all the more for it. He’s starting to see her in her entirety, starting to understand her reasons for WD. They are so close in this moment but still are not quite where they need to be.

We see more yearning in the blanket for the settee scene from both Colin and Penelope. They miss each other, the easiness of their friendship and now the future of their marriage.

He reads her letters again, because he misses her. Not hearing from her was the catalyst in his rapid down badism and is now key in realizing that the Pen he grew up with and the Pen he now knows are both capable of being witty, sharp, and sometimes harsh He starts to miss her a little less. He now sees he has always known her and no longer feels that loss.

Penelope plans to reveal herself and they are one step closer to not missing eachother.

The next time (that we know of) they see each other is at the Butterfly Ball. The worry he feels for her while being put in the spotlight is palpable. Everything can go up in flames at any moment and he could lose her forever. If he thought he missed her before, it is nothing compared to the possibility of never having her again.

But this doesn’t happen. The look of fear is replaced by that of utter pride, love, and adoration of his best friend as he watches her triumphantly declare herself as WD. Now all of the pieces are in place. Whistledown is out in the open, he has reconciled Pen and WD, and has admitted to his envy. They can now be emotionally, physically, and mentally together. He no longer has to miss her.

Colin “my wife” Bridgerton never wants to miss his Pen again because he has spent entirely too long missing her. I cannot WAIT to see them in their happy, wedded, mom and dad bliss next season. They will be insufferable to the entire ton.

——————————————————————————

If you’ve made it through my ramblings, I sincerely thank you. I hope it’s coherent enough and makes sense. Colin is such a complicated character and I love analyzing the way Luke plays him. All the nuances Luke slips in there truly make me love Colin even more.

#colin bridgerton #colin my wife bridgerton #Colin misses his wife #Polin #Polin ramble #bridgerton #bridgerton season 3 #penelope featherington #penelope bridgerton #sorry this is so long #I’m just so passionate about my boy

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wolfertinger · 28 days ago

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(keep anon if it isn't on, please)

genuine question. should we all start paying attention to artists that salem reblogs on his tumblr? or only the ones in which they mutually reblog from each other? i've noticed he's reblogged a couple of artists i looked up to either currently or in the past.

i like willow's/fourleafisland's art a lot, i have for a couple of years now but i saw something a while back saying that they reblogged something from salem, or vice versa but it was also mentioned that willow may not have known. does anyone know if this is still true?

i'm not as petty as to disengage with someone's blog just from a one off encounter, but as an artist that posts my own stuff i really don't want to fall into salem's circle.

some other artists i'm somewhat concerned about:

sout999 (i've seen salem reblog from him a couple of times but i've never seen him interact with salem back unless if i missed something.)

(forgot their username but they had a dark brown deer/reindeer? fursona with super saturated red and blue swirly/hypno eyes) i guess this one kinda answers itself since i have seen that person reblog from salem before, but i have seen them involved in circles in the past where i knew the other person would be triggered by propara stuff... i'll list some of the artists below that i've seen in the same circles.

bupzbie (i used to follow him a couple of years ago but i was in the same-ish circles, mutuals with some of his friends and whatnot. i'm pretty sure he was good friends with that deer fursona person, i've seen him interact with them a handful of times before)

2bruza

faunbuns (i've never seen them reblog from salem before but they were mutuals/friends with bupzbie)

kurofai/bibiken/wizardcap/igaueno (looks like they drew pawberri's tumblr icon)

sorrysap/battleguitar/badsyndrome/feliburn (friends with bibiken)

if anyone knows or can think of anymore plz let me know bc i know how furry circles operate and maybe i was a bit naive not to realize it before, but after seeing the hehymn situation unfold right after the nas situation happened, literally the exact same thing, i will never not be suspicious of certain furries that seem clique-y like that. jpegdisco, mothsprout, etc.

srry if any of the artists mentioned above see this i don't want to drag someone into all of this but as someone with trauma like cocsa and being taken advantage of throughout my entire childhood and teenage years i'm tired of finding an artist whose art i really resonate with only to find out they're openly pro-para. it makes me feel so betrayed and gross and we should honestly be shaming these people more.

i don't care if a stranger fantasizes or copes with their own trauma privately, but why make a blog about it? why talk about it? why violently fetishize real life scenarios so openly with so little regard to who sees it? you people love to abuse the rhetoric of 'you're only a perfect victim unless if you act a certain way' but don't realize it goes both ways. i've seen the way that people who hold these attractions and beliefs shame people who simply don't want to see this stuff, or even so little as question it.

also am i the only one that kinda notices the propara shtick sometimes seems like a last resort for some people? fr34kpet or however you spell their username used to be peaceskiies, comfortpuppies, etc and had multiple callouts on their back. radio silence for years until they rebrand under a new alias posting feral porn. same with salem, called out multiple times, ran off the internet multiple times, comes back under a new alias with propara views. i've seen this happen with some other artists as well in the past but i can't remember who they were.

this is pointless to mention but i did also think it was interesting how pawberri also goes by ramiel and has a bunny fursona just like how deadbunny does. what's next? another ramiel? salemiel? lol

honestly. it is impossible, to keep track, of furry circles.

a long time ago, i came to live with the hard truth, that being in furry circles, inevitably, means you will have 5 degrees of separation, from people you hate. i do not just mean, people you personally dislike, or people you have beef, with. but ACTIVE, zoophiles. pedophiles. abusers.

furry, has long had an issue where popufurs, will shelter and protect their friends. no matter what. to the degree, i have seen furries that raped irl, and were accepted back with open arms, while their victim was chased off the platform. i have seen ACTIVE ZOOPHILES- not art. not fantasies. people who SEXUALLY ABUSED DOGS, IRL- be accepted right back into furry, with open arms.

knoxapoppin, the partner of wild---life, a furry that was exposed TWICE , PUBLICLY, for her zoophilic attractions. is still a popular dj, that continues to perform at cons, to this day. he has faced no scrutiny. no backlash. nothing. he is the partner to an animal abuser. but furries love him. and wild---life suits, are still in popular demand. this is the same, with artkour, and their zoophilic partner narmin. who self admitted to fucking IRL ANIMALS. self admitted, to being "addicted", to IRL zoophilic porn. yet artists like nepeteaa, continue to get suits from them.

there was a long time, i did not dare call myself furry. to this day. i still do not like to. but, liking cartoon animals, means you will be within these circles. this, is why i am so adamant, on protecting queer and alternative spaces, from people like this. abusers WILL manipulate situations, to make themselves the victim. they will wax poetic, about "lies" against them. and if you do not bother to research yourself. you will be an enabler, of an abuser.

the best thing to do, is to stay alert, and keep our spaces clear of IRL, ACTING PREDATORS, most of all. you will drive yourself crazy, trying to block out everyone associated, with a bad popufur. protect your peace, most of all.

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reginaphalangelobster125 · 2 months ago

Text

You're My Perfect

Buffy Summers x Plus Size GN!Reader

Summary: You overhear something you wish you hadn't.

Warnings: self conscious reader, asshole Xander, sweet Buffy

Word Count: 700+

Request: Yes

Notes: This is my first time writing a plus sized reader so I hope it's okay!

“Run!” Buffy screamed at the top of her lungs.

You turned around to see a gang of vampires chasing you. There must have been five at least. Xander, Willow and Buffy were way ahead of you, almost free but you couldn’t keep up. One of the vampires grabbed your wrist and yanked you back, you were barely able to call out Buffy’s name through your ragged breaths. Her head whipped around when she heard you. She bolted back and leapt on the vamp that had you, just as his fangs were beginning to break the surface of your skin. She ripped him off you and drove a stake through his heart. You saw him turn to dust in front of your eyes.

“T-thanks, Buff”

“Are you okay? Did he bite you?”

“Nah, ju-just a scratch”

‘Let’s get you back to Giles’”

“You know, I’ll never get u-used to that”

“What?”

“The dust thing”

“Oh, right. I guess it doesn’t really bother me anymore”

You stand up, still breathing heavily and head back with Buffy.

When you get back to Giles’ he patches you up while the others talk. You don’t mean to eavesdrop but they were in the living room and you were in the kitchen, not much distance between you.

“They were pretty tough, Buffy. Do you think something’s going on?” Willow asked.

“Maybe, vamps don’t usually work together unless there’s a new big bad in town”

“I think we’re glossing over something here girls” Xander moaned.

“What Xander?” Buffy responded with a signature eye roll.

“Hello? Y/n”

“What about Y/n?” Buffy straightened her back and tensed at his tone.

“Totally chubster? Always slowing us down? Almost got both of you killed tonight, am I making sense to anyone?”

You felt his words deep inside you, confirming all of your worst fears and insecurities. You couldn’t listen any longer, you grabbed your coat and ducked out before they could see you.

“I think that’s a little harsh Xander” Willow responded.

“A little?” Buffy turned to Willow.

“Well, you’ve gotta admit Buffy, they do slow us down a bit” “And what do you suppose we do, kick them out?”

“No! I just think maybe it’s better if they don’t come on patrol”

“I can’t believe you, Will! Xander, I expect, but you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Xander barked.

“I means that you’ve never been supportive of our relationship”

“Of course not! They can’t walk to the mailbox without breaking a sweat!”

It took everything in Buffy not to deck him right there. She walked out and looked for you, just to be met with an empty room.

“Giles? Where Y/n?”

Giles popped his head from around the corner.

“They left, seemed to be in quite a hurry”

“God, they must have heard Xander”

“Heard Xander say what?” By the time he got the words out Buffy was already out the door.

You rushed down the street, trying to get home as fast as possible and leave this terrible night behind you. Tears ran down your cheeks and began to soak your shirt. Through blurred vision you saw a figure in front of you, it was Buffy. Even blurry she looked beautiful.

“I-I don’t wanna talk”

“Okay”

She took your hand and led you to a nearby bench. You sat down and she just held your hand in yours.

“Why are you with me?” You muttered, your breath so shaky it broke her heart.

“Because I love you”

“But why? You’re beautiful and smart and amazing, you could be with anyone you wanted”

“I am”

You scoffed before you looked up to see the sincerity in her eyes.

“You heard Xander, didn’t you?”

“He’s right you know, I do just slow you down”

“No you don’t. You help me keep going when I feel like I can’t. You do everything but slow me down”

“You don’t have to lie to me, I can take it”

“I’m not lying”

“But you’re perfect! I’m nothing”

“You’re my perfect” You didn’t believe her but you saw her eyes, properly this time. You saw the love she carried for you in them, you saw the love you held for her. You saw your home. Buffy leaned in, her lips grazed against yours as though they were asking for permission, which you gladly granted.

“I love you too”

Tags:

@pinkthick @craftytacopiecash @meryuniverse @aliljaybird @thesimppotato11 @vixyl7 @macbaetwo @castielshunterwife @scarletluvsdanno @twentyonetornmyheart

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thewritetofreespeech · 10 months ago

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Halsin x Reader

words: 1.2K

rating: G

pairing: Halsin x Reader/Tav (post-epilogue)

--------------------------------🐻-------------------------------

When Halsin took on the duty of reforming the Shadow Lands and taking care of the refugees there, he didn’t realize how much work it would be.

He was not shy of hard work. Halsin loved it. He felt useless for the first time in centuries. However, taking care of so many children, along with helping Thaniel resort balance to the blighted nature around the land, was draining.

“Are you alright master Halsin?”

The druid turned to see one of his old charges there, Willow. A sweet girl. Shy as a rabbit from what he remembered from his time in the grove, but still brave enough to leave it when her heart felt the call to help those in need. She had arrived from the Grove a few months after his own return from meeting friends. Wanting to help. Halsin had been delighted. Selfishly hoping that perhaps some of his efforts as Archdruid had rubbed off on her.

“Yes, I’m fine Willow. And you don’t need to call me ‘master Halsin’ anymore. As I’ve mentioned, Halsin is fine.”

“Oh. Yes. Sorry. Old habits.” The girl bashfully fiddled with her hair and shuffled her feet. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You looked tired.”

“Well, we certainly wouldn’t want to look the part, now, would we?” Halsin teased. To which Willow bashfully stammered more, and he laughed. “Don’t worry. I appreciate the concern. I am a little tired if I’m being honest. Nothing a goodnight’s sleep won’t cure.”

“You do so much to take care of us mast—I mean, Halsin. Someone should take care of you.”

“Don’t worry about me.” He replied. Perhaps missing the true meaning of her words. “I am quite capable of taking care of myself. Most days. And, I do have someone to help take care of me.”

Since the meeting with their friends, Halsin was delighted to have [Y/N] back by his side. Their time apart had been brief for an elf, yet it felt like the longest time in his existence. He was over the moon when they agreed to come back here with him, now that things were settled; here and in the Gate. Their presence, their compassion, their desire to help this place as well, was a light that this place desperately needed still. And, he had come to realize, he did too.

Halsin said his goodnights to Willow and returned to the small home he had built, which now housed him and [Y/N]. Where once he would have spent his life in tents, or even simpler under the stars, more and more these days he was growing fond of these walls. A phase, he assumed.

"Not making any progress with her?" [Y/N] asked when he arrived at their door. Their ‘town’ was very small. The center of which you could see clearly from one end to the other from your own front door. Which was what [Y/N] was doing with their evening cup of tea.

"What?" Halsin looked confused. Then realized what they must be talking about. "Oh, Willow? She is very clever, but I fear it will take her some time before understanding the basics of her medicine and magic. Progress is a process."

[Y/N] chuckled. "No, I mean progress. You know she's into you, right?"

Halsin was for once surprised. He supposed, deep down, he knew of their attraction to him. He was usually very good at uncovering the desires of others. But with Willow he had been.... blinded to her advances. "Honestly no. I hadn't noticed."

It was [Y/N]’s turn to be surprised it seemed, as they pondered his comment and sipped their tea. “Oh. I’m surprised. I thought you would have jumped on that in a moment. Literally.”

Halsin frowned a little at [Y/N]. “I don’t ‘jump’ on anything.” True, he was open to all experiences that nature had to offer, but he thought he was a little more discerning than that. “Besides, when would I have time? Between the children, the lands, what little spare time I have is spent with you or in bed.”

“Or both.” He had to chuckle at that. When oh when would he develop the skill for not putting his foot in his mouth. Maybe in his next quarter century. “But, you know I don’t mind if you pursue something with her. You’re welcome to explore….whatever path you’d like. With whomever you’d like.”

Halsin was taken aback. Was that how he sounded when he brought this up to his lovers? “And you would really be comfortable with that?”

“You told me when we initially got together that you weren’t someone for monogamy.” They reminded him. “I didn’t assume that changed, or our relationship changed while we were apart. If you want to spend an evening with someone, I understand.”

That had all been true. When he met them, he had been very clear that monogamy wasn’t for him. He had told them that he kept to nature’s way. To roam. To find root and purchase in whatever bed he might find like the dandelion seed on the wind. So why hadn’t he done that?

At first Halsin thought that it was because he was so focused on his new cause. As he also mentioned to them when they met, he could get consumed with something and rarely come up for air. Plus, the children were his top priority. It wouldn’t be fair to have a partner when his full attention couldn’t be on them.

But, the more he thought about it in this moment, Halsin realized that he, for once, simply hadn’t been interested.

In the few moments alone, when his thoughts drifted to desire, he thought of [Y/N] and nothing else. Their face was what he thought of when he took hold of his own needs. Their sweet words. Memories of their body. Now that they were back in the flesh, his eye had wondered even less further. The thought of spending an evening with the willowy Willow didn’t disgust him, but he also didn’t feel desire for it.

Halsin suddenly realized, to his own shock, that he had almost completely shifted from the roaming bear to the wolf. Complete with his own cave, and pack, and mate. He had been…domesticated.

“I…don’t think so.” Halsin finally answered [Y/N]. “At least, not at this time. I would rather stay home with you tonight. If that’s alright?”

[Y/N] smiled at him. Then walked inside with what remained of their tea. “I didn’t come all this way to sit at home alone. Again, not that I would mind for an evening. But, you know.”

Halsin thought he did.

Though he couldn’t say he understood a lot of things going on in the moment, what he did understand is that he wanted to be with [Y/N]. To be only with them for what time they were allowed. To let himself be domesticated.

#;pen & paper (fanfiction)#baldur's gate #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate #bg3 scenarios #bg3 imagine #bg3 fanfiction #baldur's gate fanfiction #halsin #halsin x tav #halsin x reader #bg3 post game #fanfiction

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mdhwrites · 1 year ago

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You said the arcs of certain characters in TOH have an 'Us vs. Them mentality.' I take it that's because, as you say, the narrative pins the bad qualities of certain characters on separate parties (e.g. "Amity's flaws are only because of her mom"), but would you care to elaborate further on said mentality and how it sticks out to you in TOH?

So shockingly, not really. It plays into it but I am actually inherently talking about the same sort of mentality that Belos perpetuates but back onto Luz. After all, if you look at the main cast by even mid season 2 we have a problem forming. Eda: Has lost her criminal edge, has no personal interests, is defined by being nice in a way befitting Luz's worldview. Momma Eda.

Amity: No longer is studious and hard working but instead focuses more on her girlfriend and her nerdy interests. Is also now just nice. Was only shown genuine care by Luz, instead of just trying to fulfill her nerdy desires, once she finds out Amity is into Azura.

Lilith: Has turned into a nerd and given up on any ambitions that had led to her previous actions, becoming a nice cool aunt. Only now has Luz tried to form any relationship with her (admittedly, she didn't get many chances before now).

Hunter: Has only been being given kindness because he has shown a capacity for kindness that Luz only really started showing him, beyond not wanting him to die, once he showed he had a nerdy interest in wild magic.

Gus: Was a nerd from go and always nice, even if he could be slightly selfish.

Willow: By mid S2, is essentially out of the show for the past half season, has never had a strong personality and is just nice. Yes, she'll start her jock stuff soon... And never have a real conversation with Luz again, at least not until S3 maybe? So a full season where Luz and Willow, after Willow might have stopped being nerdy/an outcast, where Luz doesn't have an interest in her anymore.

And uh, just as a reminder to S3, Hunter gains a scifi interest post redemption and Luz explicitly listens to NOTHING her mother says to her during her big speech in For the Future until she reveals herself to be a secret nerd. At that point, suddenly Luz dials in.

For TOH, a show supposedly about the individual and self expression, characters either lose their personality and/or gain the personality that matches LUZ. There is less character variety in interests and personalities than even 90s cartoons much of the time by the end of TOH because these characters all lose so much of themselves fitting in with the good guys, especially the redeemed ones.

This is where your argument for this does come into play. I'll frame it as the fandom likes to with Amity: "She didn't have Luz in her life yet."

Amity is only a bitch while she is hanging out with the wrong crowd. Socialites, those with ambition and jocks. The Luz enters her life and despite the fact that the ONE time Luz ever calls Amity out for being a bitch being when Amity is being a bully to King and clearly trying to get a rise out of Luz, making that moment meaningless, that simple fact starts warping Amity. Starts making her turn back to her good, nerdy side. And because this is such an inherently good thing, there is no difficulty in doing this. She needs no motivation, no calling out, nothing. She just needs to desire to be like Luz/liked by Luz. She can discard her entire friend group and do things that should get her disowned with how evil Odalia is and face zero consequences because... I guess that's the power of becoming a nerd.

You are beyond reproach. You can only do good. Same goes for Hunter. Despite YEARS of potential propaganda and the like, Luz just getting into his life and admittedly jabbing at Belos/him a little, is all it takes for him to embrace the inherent goodness, displayed by his nerdiness about wild magic, and start becoming a better person. For this, he loses his home but that is only seen as a positive because indeed, he got away from those hostile influences that made him a bad person. He could now be a good person because he no longer had those influences and could embrace Luz's way of life.

With the show's themes, why is this the case? Shouldn't their base personalities be allowed to exist? Shouldn't a wide range of ideologies and the like be allowed since that is a part of self expression? Instead, when people don't like Luz, they are disapproved by Luz and either need to get the fuck out or conform.

And this is all without getting into how she becomes Jesus in the last episode...

None of this is intentional but if someone told me that the show felt hostile to them because they didn't consider themselves a nerd or because they tried to get somewhere in life, I wouldn't blame them. The show has a weirdly narrow belief in who is a good person. Who is allowed to exist in the main cast, a problem that cascades issues into a lot of its themes. I mean, this is the first show I've ever had to ask if character arcs are actually hurting the themes of the show because of this, a blog I sadly couldn't refind.

There is admittedly an element of this where I might not have thought about it without the fandom. Most people I know who are multi-fandom still agree that TOH is aggressive against others, even for a fandom. That it lashes out and blames others for its problems. Almost like a *gestures at the thesis*

And that doesn't help make any of this be less uncomfortable unfortunately. See you next tale.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#the owl house criticism #toh critical

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kevin-the-bruyne · 1 month ago

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If people get upset that you're not posting about FK they need to get a grip. I'm sorry to be so blunt but there it is. If you or anyone isn't feeling it anymore for whatever reason, or if you're still feeling it but just getting excited over something else, that is fine. I know this sounds mean and I like the FK delulu stuff as much as anyone but it's dumb to be upset about it.

Like I think we're all aware you're not gonna stop posting about Khaoting at least. Come on. It's not the end of the world if you for whatever reason don't ship him as much with First anymore. And getting bothered by talking about another ship independent of them is weird. They might be monogamous but you don't have to be 🤣

I ship khaotung so hard with first is the funny thing about this. first's place in khaotung's life is near equivalent to that of his mothers. I've been obsessing over this hug for days, totally unable to forget about it, it is imprinted behind my eyelids.

LIKE!!!!!

That's not husband wife or a boring romantic dynamic thats just straight up Pocahontas with her weeping willow grandmother like good for them coming in strong with the Disney ride or die dynamics. They are Ariel and Flounder, Mushu and Cricket. There are two men's hands on that boy and he's still trying to climb first!!!! Like damn son I'm sorry that First's ribcage doesn't open up so you can climb inside, I agree that god made a Very Serious Design Flaw when he made First opaque so that Khaotung can't spend all his free time staring at his heart beating.

Does First live in Khaotung's house? How the fuck should I know??? The only thing I know for sure is that if First wanted to be a fish, Khaotung would be the aquarium - does this mean they want to get married????? idkkkkk? I got bigger problems than obsess about who Khaotung will get married to. [for example: who will *I* get married to??? I've had two back to back LTR duds in my 20s so I'm not feeling very hopeful atm]

But I'm interested in everyone's viewpoint. The point is that there's a little bit of RPF for everyone to enjoy here. If you don't enjoy RPF why are you here and if you do but my content is still stressing you out - how is that even possible just scroll down to a different post in the delulu circus tag??

I ask for people to tell me what they're interested in so I do get a lot of opinions on what I post more or less for the entirety of circus posting - good and bad. Sometimes the bad is not that nice but at least it's in alignment with the kind of things I post. And I really don't care about WHAT people think of my clowning. If people hate it I'll stop posting it if they enjoy it I'll keep posting it. But I'm always clowning on my own time regardless.

But the people in my inbox this past week are so angry and I feel so bad for them. I am starting to think there is a contingent of users or one very passionately disapproving user who blames me for Joongkhao's popularity (at least on Tumblr) and like???? idk???? many people told me they like Joongkhao because of me so??? maybe they are like 10% right even????? No one puts me on a pedestal like an angry anon let me tell you.

But most of it's not even about me? Nothing that people have come into my inbox yelling at me for this past week are things I actually say???? Like I wish I knew WHAT was going on with that person that sent me A PARAGRAPH of anger in response to this post. I can't believe anyone can be THIS mad about my antisocial son making a friend 😭😭😭

Everything is fake!! Anguish over fandom is pointless!!!! I do realize that there will be anguish in fandom with or without me. But man I do feel really bad when I've made a joke about Khaotung wishing Joong on his birthday and it just ruins someone's day. It wasn't even that good a joke, if someone is going to ruin their day at least let it be a Grade A circus post 🤧

I operate on a belief that khaotung's gay love for his every friend should be a vehicle for peace and love on planet earth 😔 I think I'll be fine eventually and resume my regular clown-assery. I really just haven't paid any attention to fandom since December and I think I'm just in a little bit of shock over how starkly different everything is.

#nani answers #fk delulu circus #NO MORE fk tags on my posts jfc

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haveyouseenthisskeleton · 10 months ago

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How would the skellies react if they were just laughing at show they were watching/whatever they were doing but caught s/o smiling at them from the corner of their eye?

If they turn their head and ask what, s/o just looks away and says "Nothin', just happy that you're happy."

Maybe for our main boys?

Undertale Sans - He's happy right now? Shit, he guesses he is. If someone told him a few years ago he could still express that damn feeling he would have laughed at their face. He gets more comfy and falls on your side to cuddle closer.

Undertale Papyrus - He coughs and immediately straightens, not daring to meet your eyes again. Well, of course, he is. But he's a bit shy all of a sudden, now that he knows you're staring at his face. Could you please look back at the show now?

Underswap Sans - His smile froze a little, and then he looked down, strangely quiet. He simply nuzzles you closer. Yeah, maybe he finally is happy. After so long, he finally feels at home somewhere. He hopes it can stay like that forever.

Underswap Papyrus - A small purr escapes his lips as you say that. He then immediately flush bright orange, grabs a pillow, and hide his face in it. Stop looking at him! He doesn't like when people notice he can purr. It wasn't planned.

Underfell Sans - "what ya're scared i stop being an ass or somethin? am still mean and grumpy." You noogie his head affectionately. Of course, he is. Big mean angry grumpy proud skeleton that have the emotional development of an oyster. He blushes then slaps your hand away.

Underfell Papyrus - He flushes entirely bright red. What you're looking out for anyway? Focus back on the show, there's nothing to see here! He grabs your head and forces it to stare at the screen again lol. He needs a moment to recover.

Horrortale Sans - Oak is happy and decides to show it by headbutting his head with yours to show affection. You're half knocked out, but now he's on your knees, simply purring like a tractor and cuddling. He's happy you're happy he's happy. You can't hear the movie anymore.

Horrortale Papyrus - Willow immediately starts to play with his hands. He would love to believe you, but it's not that easy. Maybe he's improving, but to be happy again, it's still complicated. He forces a smile immediately so you don't get worried, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. Aw, baby :(

Swapfell Sans - Uh. He didn't realize he was laughing actually. It's not even funny. He straightens, cheeks lightly purple as he focuses back on the screen with a more serious expression. You saw nothing at all, look away, please. Ah, he's still emotionally constipated, but you can tell this is just a big facade. He's cute like this though, trying to avoid your eyes at all costs.

Swapfell Papyrus - Guess he is. He finally feels home, and safe, and no one wants to kill him on sight anymore. He's happy. He comes to hug you tightly, just smiling.

Fellswap Gold Sans - He gives you a judgemental stare. What are you even talking about? This is just a stupid show. He laughed out of pity and it didn't mean anything. Of course, Wine. He's a villain and the next King of all nations, human emotions can't apply to him. He's still doing a great job pretending he isn't blushing right now.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - Ok, if you say so, but don't stop hugging him to watch his face and resume petting his head now, please. If you take too long, he picks your hand and puts it back on his head himself. Pet the skeleton already.

#undertale #underswap #underfell #horrortale #swapfell #fellswap gold #sans #papyrus #undertale ask blog #undertale asks #undertale imagines #undertale headcanons

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maccreadysbaby · 5 months ago

Text

Project: Killcode

batfamily + oc insert

tw: none

wanna read more? here’s the table of contents!

want to read the first fic in the hundred days series so you understand what’s going on here? here it is!

I am in pain writing my boys like this

part thirty-two

❝ EFFORT ❞

MONDAY — JULY 30 — 5:02AM

AFTER AN EVENTFUL DAY OF NEVER COMING OUT OF BELLAMY’S ROOM, BENTLEY WOKE UP ON MONDAY MORNING LAYING BACK TO BACK WITH HIM.

And the first thing he thought about was Bruce.

He wanted to tell him. He wanted to tell him everything so bad — about the parties and the nightmares and the teachers and Tyler and Chloe and the (maybe?) Secret Keeper and his father. He wanted to just lay it all out at his feet so he didn’t have to deal with it alone anymore… but he couldn’t.

Because if he did, Bruce would come get them and take them home, and someone else would move into the dorm. He’d never see any of them again.

He had to show Bruce that he could do this no matter what kind of problems he had — he was thirteen, and he could deal with his issues by himself. He didn’t always need his dad or his brothers to swoop in and do it for him; he was capable. More than capable.

So for now, he decided, not a Wayne in the world would know a thing. Would it be easier on him if they did? Sure. But getting whisked home to live a life of solitude while every other teenager in the world did whatever they wanted didn’t sound like an ideal situation. Plus, he was pretty sure he’d have lost his mind if he didn’t stop homeschooling when he did.

It was okay. He was okay. Everyone was okay. Everything was okay.

He’d just focus on school — it was a good enough distraction. He did have seven classes to survive, and nine friendships to maintain.

(Or eight, if… Asten didn’t want to talk to him.)

So he decided that’s what he was gonna do. Just be a teenager, and try his best to forget about all the existential dread stuff.

He woke up, blocked the number his father had called him from, and left Bellamy’s room to go get ready.

It was only a little after five, so he was able to get into his room and do everything he needed without waking Asten up, which was nice — because he wasn’t sure where they stood. They hadn't talked at all since the fight, but Bentley did end up in bed arrest in Bellamy's room, so he guessed it wasn't really either of their faults.

He grabbed his bag and all of his things out of his room and left, shutting the door softly behind him. Should he go back in Bellamy's room? Or just sit and the dining table and do something silent?

That moment was about when his phone vibrated in his hand.

The name on the text message was Chloe Singh. (He'd changed it almost immediately after she gave it to him.) It said: Hey, meet me at the fountain at 530?

He didn't even have time to think about replying before a second one came: Or at breakfast, if you're not a psycho that wakes up at 430 for school like me.

Bentley hummed to himself, typing a quick response.

Just text me when you're ready. I'm already dressed and all.

He hardly had time to look away before another message blipped onto the screen. Oh, okay! I'm ready then, haha.

With a faint little smile and a shrug, Bentley made sure he slid his keycard into his phone case and made for the door, leaving the dorm with his schoolbag in the dark.

When he made it down the stairs and the several sidewalks it took to get to the fountain with the willows, Chloe was already there in her uniform with her bag. Her blonde hair was tied up halfway with a black ribbon, and pin-straight so it looked extra long. She glanced back at him when she heard him approach and sent him a friendly wave, which he returned.

Were they technically friends now? How many times did you have to cry in front of someone before you became friends?

With that on his mind, Bentley made for the bench she was on, dropping his bag near his feet and taking a seat next to her.

"Good morning," She said quietly, eyes focused on campus staff that seemed to be moving something into the art building across the way, past the willow trees.

"Good morning," He replied.

"Listen, I just... wanted to apologize for Saturday night," She sighed, looking down at her lap and deflating slightly, a stark comparison to how confident she looked in class or the halls. "I had a massive breakdown and it was really weird. I word vomited so many unnecessary details."

Bentley shook his head, glancing over at her. "Don't apologize. We all have our moments. I, in particular, have had at least thirty since I moved into Redwood."

Chloe glanced at him, furrowing her brow. "I never imagined Bruce Wayne's heir would have moments."

"I wasn't always his," Bentley shrugged, forcing his father's voice out of his mind, focusing on Chloe's brown eyes that were watching him. "Anyways, it's no problem. Breakdowns suck, but they suck even worse if you're alone."

She blinked and looked away, then back. "That's why I wanted to say thank you," She continued, glancing down at her hands, fiddling with her fingers. "For being there for me. I... can honestly say I don't have anyone else, as pitiful and attention seeking as that sounds. Living a double life is really hard when everyone only knows the fake part."

Bentley watched her breathe in deep, then blow it out. "Anyways, not to get all pitiful. I think I have the rumors handled on my end... my roommates were the only ones who knew I was going to meet you, and they swore they wouldn't say anything. What about yours?"

"Only two know I was gone, and they won't say anything," Bentley shrugged. "I think we're safe."

A beat passed.

"Thank God," Chloe exhaled, brushing her long blonde hair over her shoulder. "I'd never forgive myself if a chimp like Tyler Abbott got ahold of information like that. He'd have the entire campus believing whatever he wanted about us in, like, ten seconds."

Bentley didn't reply.

"Hey, you okay?" She continued, lowering her volume just a little. "You seem preoccupied."

Bentley shook his head in an attempt to shake himself back into the present and out of whatever routine of self loathing his mind was trying to put him in. "Yeah, just pretty drained. I've been really stressed lately."

"I'm sorry..." Chloe mumbled, and Bentley shrugged.

"It's not your fault," He continued, waving her off. "What about you? Were you okay after the other night?"

Chloe shrugged. "Same... just kinda drained. Emotions and their stupid, stupid existence have a way of doing that. But I'm feeling okay now. Practice for cheer tryouts starts after school today, so I pretty much am required to be okay."

A beat passed.

"So... did you and Layla end up having fun at the dance?" She questioned, looking across the way at the willows, a little hint of something he couldn't quite place filtering through into her words.

Bentley shrugged. "It was okay, but I... didn't go with her. I went with my roommates. To see the band that was playing."

"Oh," Chloe nodded to herself.

Another few moments of quiet passed.

"I... wanted to ask you something," Chloe started, turning to face him slightly on the bench, getting this... he wasn't sure. Embarrassed sort of look on her face. "You can totally say no if you want to; I know I'm not the easiest person to stomach."

"What is it?" Bentley questioned, turning toward her a little, too.

Chloe breathed in and out. "I know I was really mean and weird and stuff when we met, and I don't have any clever excuses to talk myself out of that. But I still... wanna be friends with you, if you want."

Bentley watched her nervously tuck a piece of hair behind her left her, her brown eyes straying down to the bench they were on.

"Yeah... I'd like that," Bentley replied, watching her anxiously pick at her nails. "But you... I don't want it to be some kind of ploy for your mom. If we're gonna be friends, I just... want to be friends. Not for anybody else."

"A hundred percent," Chloe nodded. "She won't have a clue I'm even talking to you anymore. She seems to have moved on in her searching for my perfect future divorce since I blew it with you already. Which means we're in the clear."

Bentley hummed in acknowledgment, glancing at her for a moment more before looking out at the trees again. "Can I ask an awkward question?"

"Sure," Chloe shrugged. "Can't be more awkward than me word vomiting my entire life's story, and my mothers."

Bentley found it in himself to chuckle at that. "I was just... wondering. Since you were only kinda acting, did you... mean what you told me? In class?"

Chloe glanced over at him quickly, her brow furrowed, before she seemed to realize what he meant. Her face flushed pink and she looked the other way. "That you're hot? I-I mean, yeah, I guess..."

Bentley didn't say anything.

"God, why can't I talk to you?" She mumbled, resting her elbows on her knees and dropping her head into her hands with a nervous little laugh. "It's so weird. Being, like, real. I always know what to say when I'm pretending."

Bentley shrugged. "Maybe you should... not pretend."

"I can't do that!" She said suddenly, sitting up. "My mother would disown me if I even thought about acting contrary to how she wants."

Bentley hummed. "How does she know what you act like here at school?"

Chloe looked up at him, a cringe spreading across her face. "She's the assistant Dean. She lives on campus."

Bentley blinked. "Oh..."

"Yeah..." Chloe shook her head. "I literally can't get away from her and her prying eyes through the school-day. That's why I wanted to talk to you now, before the day starts."

Bentley couldn't even imagine his father watching him like a hawk like that. When he first went to the Wayne's to, quote-on-quote, destroy them, he could hardly fathom the anxiety caused by the fact that his father may have possibly been watching. But Chloe's mom, putting her up to something out of greed, punishing her when she failed, watching her to make sure she was perfect... maybe they weren't so different after all.

Bentley didn’t say anything for a few minutes.

“So, are you liking it so far, here? I’ve heard Gotham is way different from New York,” She questioned. (How many times was he going to be asked that question?)

He shrugged. “New York is really cool. I like it here. It feels more… alive.”

Chloe nodded, a faint smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “There’s so much that goes on, it's hard to get away from it all. That's why I like it so much here.”

Another beat passed.

“So, if it's not off limits, what are your powers?” Bentley questioned, glancing over at her. “I haven’t seen or heard anything about them.”

“Oh, I…” Chloe started, looking off at the trees ahead of them. “I… uh…”

Bentley could recognize discomfort when he saw it. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, I just…” She trailed off, breathing deep and holding it for a second, then exhaling. “I don’t have any.”

Bentley furrowed his brow. Wasn’t Redwood only for metahumans?

“My sisters do, and I have the genes for it, I just… they… haven’t appeared yet. My mom says that sometimes it takes a lot to make them show up,” Chloe shrugged.

Bentley vaguely remembered hearing something about that when he was dealing with the whole Dr. Keene disaster -- it was like how Nico’s super speed only started to show up after he learned he was adopted, and only really showed up after he got kidnapped and put in a big machine that messed with his DNA. He remembered that metahumans finding their powers was… usually due to trauma.

He wasn’t quite sure what that said about the rest of the Redwood students. But maybe it was a good thing that Chloe didn’t have hers.

“I guess we’ll just have to see, then,” Bentley shrugged.

“I guess so…”

They fell into a comfortable silence, looking out at the willow trees in front of them.

Okay.. maybe Bentley had ten friendships to maintain.

When breakfast came around, Bentley sat across the table from Asten.

They didn’t say anything to each other. Bentley looked over at him a few times, but he was always talking to Rockie, or looking down at the table, or across the room. Valor was watching the both of them -- Bentley noticed his gaze a few times, calculating, contemplating -- but when Bentley’s eyes met his, it always switched to a supportive smile, faint enough to go missed by everyone else but present enough to be a little comforting.

Bentley and Asten didn’t talk at lunch, either.

And when music theory came around, Asten only spoke to Rockie, and Bentley only spoke to Vera, and in free period, Asten sat with Rockie, and Bellamy and Valor sat with Bentley. It was…

Weird.

He went to practice soccer with Varian and Koa, and they talked about nothing and everything. He went to dinner, where Asten deliberately ignored him even though they were within whispering distance from one another. And then he did his homework at the dining table, and listened to his roommates talk, and hung out, and texted Chloe, and went to bed without saying anything to his best friend who was sleeping one bunk away.

As wrong as it felt, Bentley was the one who’d been right. Asten was a hypocrite and all the lovely things Bentley had said in his anger fueled haze. So, for this one time, for the first time in his life, he wasn’t going to allow himself to apologize.

If Asten wanted to talk to him, Asten was going to have to put in the effort.

And as far as Bentley could tell, right now, he didn’t care very much.

tag list that never works lmao

@fleur-alise @sarcopterygiian @gayboss-too-close-to-the-sun

@xiaonothere

@skylathescholarly @flyrobinflyy

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gemini-magic17 · 1 year ago

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Entanglement Chapter Twenty

**Kit's POV

The sound of the waves crashing against the shore made me know that we were very close to Dristarya. It was early when we got there and as I set my eyes on it for the first time it was astounding. Never before have I seen a castle so huge and ancient-looking as if it was built thousands of years ago. With how bare it looked and no signs of life I really started to question if the details that Willow was given were correct. It doesn't seem like anyone has lived here for many years.

"Hey", I hear Boorman say as he comes up behind me.

"Hey", I responded back still focused on the shore in front of me.

"What's wrong", he asked.

"I don't think anyone lives here."

"Why do you say that", he questioned.

"Just look at it. The entire island looks abandoned the only thing that I see is birds flying overhead what about you", I looked at him.

"Are you sure about that from what I see it looks like someone arrived here recently", he pointed towards the shore and I furrowed my eyebrows to where he was pointing at.

"Is that a boat", I asked squinting trying to clearly make out what I was looking at.

"Well from what I can see it is", he said.

I couldn't stop looking in that direction and the closer we got I was praying that what Willow had told me was indeed true. Then out of nowhere came the she-devil herself as the ship made its way partially on the shore.

"I'm going to go look for Y/n, the captain said he wants to stay aboard the ship; you and Boorman can do what you like", she said and proceeded to leap off the boat.

"Fuck that", I told her and went after her.

"Excuse me."

"You heard me. I don't know who the fuck you think you are or who you are talking to but I am not the one you want to piss off. I know I hurt her that I practically put her through hell but you have no right to tell me the fuck to do", I stated getting into her face.

"I am her wife, not you and I will do everything I can to make things right with her even if it takes me the rest of my fucking life to do so. Don't you think for a second that you can swoop in and try to take her away because you can't", I said.

"I won't need to try if she goes willingly", she said smirking and that made my blood boil.

"You know what Amara yo-", I began but was cut off.

"After all, who could deal with the shit you put her through. Do you really think that she is going to forgive you and take you back after everything? I have known her for my entire life and when I say what you put her through she will never forgive you", she said with a hard stare, and at that I couldn't hate her more than right now. Not just because she was threatening to take Y/n away but that I knew she was right with how she would never forgive me.

"Follow if you want I don't care anymore. I now know that I have nothing to worry about when it comes to you", she said and she began to walk off.

"Don't take what she says to heart Kit she is just jealous that you have Y/n and she doesn't", Boorman said.

"That's the thing, Boorman I don't have her. I may be married to Y/n but I don't have her not where it counts", I said, and we went to catch up to Amara as we made our way to the gates.

**Ser Easton's POV

These past couple of days have been quite peaceful and I know that is unusual to say considering this island is full of dragons. Yet, there is no fighting, yelling, or political issues to worry about here. I roamed all around Dristarya making sure to know the ins and outs of this place in case of an attack or unwanted visitors.

As I made my way to the opening under the castle I was told by Y/n to be careful as she recounted what happened to her when she arrived that very day. Getting closer to my intended destination in the corner of my eye I noticed a ship approaching. I couldn't see who was aboard but as it started to get nearer I hid behind a gigantic rock that was close enough to shore to see who was present.

It wasn't until the ship got closer to the shoreline that I saw it was Kit aboard and I was shocked. Why the hell was she here? Did she know that the princess fled to Dristarya? How could she have found out about it then? Many questions raced through my mind and it wasn't until they were making their way off the boat that I carefully mad my way to the castle to avoid being seen by them.

As soon as I was out of sight I ran all the way back to the castle making sure that I got to the trail before they could. I burst open the castle doors and searched through every room to find Y/n. I couldn't find her which led me to believe she was still sleeping. I ran as fast as I could to her room and when I made it there I was terribly out of breath. I began to bang my fist on her door knowing she would awake from the noise.

**Y/n's POV

I was fast asleep in my chambers when a loud banging on my door woke me up. Along with the constant fist pounding on the door, I could hear who could only be Ser Easton yelling with urgency.

"Princess! Princess!"

I jumped out of bed and rushed to open the door where I was met with an out-of-breath Ser Easton. He was leaning on the door frame trying to catch his breath from the obvious haste he made trying to get here.

"What's wrong? Did something happen", I asked with concern believing that something happened to him.

"I was out for a walk along the beach and saw a ship coming this way", he said.

"What? What are you talking about no one comes here", I said with confusion and a hint of worry that is evident in my voice.

"That's the thing Y/n I got closer to the beach making sure that the people on board didn't see me and I recognized one of them."

"Well, who was it", I questioned with anticipation building inside me.

"Your not gonna like it", he said and I step closer to him where I looked him directly into his eyes.

"Who was it Ser Easton", I said.

"It was Kit Tanthalos Princess", he said, and when the words poured out of his mouth my heart stopped for a second.

"Oh", I responded and the anger I was harboring toward her started bubbling to the surface.

"How did she even know to come here", I asked him and made my way to get some clothes.

"I can only think of one possibility."

"Which is", I said and began to change in the bathroom while we continued our conversation.

"Willow must have told her", I stopped what I was doing when I heard him say those words.

"I don't believe he would do that. He knows how much pain I felt with what Kit put me through. I just don't believe he would sell me out like that", I said clearly in denial about the whole thing.

"It is the only way she could have known Y/n I'm sorry. Willow is the only one who knows you are here and you know I wouldn't tell anyone especially her of all people."

"I suppose you are right", I said knowing what he said was true. I finished dressing and made my way out of my chambers.

"Y/n where are you going", he asked following hot on my trail through the castle's hallways.

"You said they were coming towards the beach yes which means they will be coming up the trail soon enough", I asked.

"Yes, what is it that you intend to do", he asked and we were outside of the castle's walls.

"I am going to go give Kit and her comrades a warm welcome to Dristarya", I turned to him and said.

"How exactly are you going to do that", he asked, and just then I could feel Kylora come up behind me.

"I'll give them a dragon's welcome", I said with an upturned smile.

#kit tanthalos x reader #hazel callahan x reader #willow 2022 #kit tanthalos #ruby cruz #willow fanfic

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thebest-medicine · 10 months ago

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Summer Sentence Starters 2024 Drabble Masterlist:

Fics from my summer tickle fic prompt starters:

(No link yet means it’s not posted yet and likely still in the queue :) gonna put this under a readmore when it gets to be too long

Avatar [ATLA & TLOK] (+ ao3)

Prompt 56 - "I never would've pegged you as the ticklish type." - lee!Zuko, ler!Sokka

Prompt 76 - “Don’t tell me you’ve been hiding this all this time?!” - lee!Korra, ler!Asami

Critical Role [Campaign 2] (+ ao3)

Prompt 88 - "We don't have time for such childish— hey! Stop it!" - lee!Essek, ler!Jester, ler!Beau

Prompt 40 - “I’ve never heard you laugh like that before, it’s nice.” - lee!Fjord, ler!Jester

Prompt 44 - "You wouldn't take adavantage (of that knowledge) when I'm stuck like this, right? ... Right?!" - lee!Caleb, ler!Fjord

Prompt 54 - "Oh man, is this a bad spot?" - lee!Caleb, ler!Molly

Prompt 7 - "No way, you're ticklish here too?" - lee!Caleb, lee!Essek, ler!Molly

Prompt 12 - "So, what's this I hear about you being deathly ticklish?" - lee!Fjord, ler!Molly

Prompt 96 - "What are you so scared of? It's just a feather!" - lee!Fjord, ler!Jester

Prompt 24 - "Sounds like someone needs a visit from the tickle monster." - lee!Caleb, ler!Jester

Prompt 89 - “Wait no- not here- not now!” - lee!Caleb, ler!Jester, ler!Molly

Gravity Falls (+ ao3)

Prompt 16 - “Come on, stop it - I’m serious, that really tickles!” - lee!Dipper, ler!Grunkle Ford

Kim Possible (+ ao3)

Prompt 82 - "You're not really gonna tickle me, are you?" - lee!Kim, ler!Shego

Prompt 24 - “Sounds like someone needs a visit from the tickle monster.” + 71 - “This isn’t cuddling! This is an attack!” - switch!Kim, switch!Ron

My Hero Academia (+ ao3)

Prompt 64 - "“Relax, I’m not gonna kill ya. But I am gonna make you wish you were dead." - lee!Todoroki, ler!Bakugo

Prompt 100 - "Would you just shut up and tickle me already?" - lee!Bakugo, ler!Midoriya

Prompt 48 - "You would think you'd get less ticklish as you got older, but you're the opposite!" + 50 - "Please, I can't take it anymore!" + 63 - "Too bad there's nothing you can do about it." - lee!Midoriya, ler!Bakugo

Prompt 60 - “Don’t- don’t you dare! Don’t even t-think about it!” + 62 - "I haven't seen you smile all day / week!" - lee!Bakugo, ler!Kirishima

Prompt 86 - “Crap. Wait. I didn't mean that!" - lee!Bakugo, ler!Midoriya

Prompt 21 - "Big talk for someone so ticklish!" - lee!Bakugo, ler!Kirishima, ler!Kaminari

Prompt 93 - "Oh? And what if I did?" - lee!Midoriya, ler!Kirishima

Prompt 42 - "No way! Are you crying?" - lee!Midoriya, ler!Bakugo

Prompt 71 - “This isn't cuddling! This is an attack!” - lee!Bakugo, ler!Mina, ler!Kirishima, ler!Kaminari, ler!Sero

Prompt 3 “Come any closer and I will end you.” + 4 “Oh, you shouldn’t have said / done that..” - lee!Bakugo, ler!Kirishima

Prompt 98 - "There it is. That laugh is music to my ears!" - lee!Todoroki, ler!Bakugo

The Owl House (+ ao3)

Prompt 24 - “Sounds like someone needs a visit from the tickle monster." - lee!Hunter, ler!Gus, ler!Willow

Prompt 2 - "Hey! What do you think you're doing?!" - lee!Luz, ler!Amity

Prompt 68 - “What’s that? Stop saying tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle?” - lee!Amity, ler!Luz

Prompt 48 - “You would think you'd get less ticklish as you got older, but you're the opposite!"

- lee!Eda, ler!Raine

Supernatural (+ ao3)

Prompt 5 - "No, I'm just- uh- sensitive." - lee!Dean, ler!Cas

Teen Titans (+ ao3)

Prompt 9 - "Did you just...laugh?" - lee!Raven, ler!Starfire

#summer sentence starters 2024 #tickle fic prompts #masterpost #my writing #my fics #my masterpost #links #mine

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ourgreatergood · 9 months ago

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Okay, I finished @humlesnurr’s prompt, yay! It’s not very good, but at least I’m getting back into writing, so thank you so much! (Still working on the other prompts as well.)

I believe you had something happier in mind, but you know, they’re still idiots - hope you have fun anyway! <3

Prompt was: Gellert responding differently to the "Because I was in love with you" at that date <3

Fate

Would this be one of your regular haunts?

Only Gellert could have the unbearable charming confidence to open the first meeting in decades like that. It was curious, really, that Albus did not mind. He did not mind at all. In fact, if he was completely honest with himself, the feeling that surfaced in his chest at Gellert’s flippant opening line could only be adoration. How did he manage to make him smile so easily when nothing in the world was easy right now?

The blood troth moved around his hand in recognition, content to have them both in such proximity.

Warm.

That would have to be his answer. It felt warm around his neck, like the blood contained within it. It felt comforting. Alive. Terribly so.

But he could not grant Gellert an answer, too great was the risk that he would use it to try and sway him. And despite everything he wasn’t sure that his stance was firm enough to resist. Maybe Gellert knew and that was why he did not even dignify his proposal of freeing each other with an answer.

“What you are doing is madness.”

And how could he not see that? It was not what they had said they’d do. It was never how he had imagined it. He could not imagine that Gellert had meant this all along when they had talked endlessly in warm summer nights about a world that was better than the one they lived in. Or perhaps it was him who was remembering it wrong? Was his memory and conscience playing tricks on him?

“I was young. I was -“

“- committed. To me. To us.”

He almost had to laugh. Committed. It made it seem like a business, the troth like a contract - when it had been so much more than that. He was never confident around Gellert anymore but he still knew him, at least he thought he did. At least a small part of him. And he saw that Gellert wanted this to be a strategic meeting. His turn in a game of chess.

He saw that Gellert wanted him to see reason as much as the other way around, too. It could never be merely game or business between them.

“No. I went along because -“

Somehow saying it was not as easy as it had once been.

“Because?”

“Because I was in love with you.”

For a moment he managed to hold Gellert’s piercing gaze until it becomes unbearable. How could it sound so simple? As if their relationship wasn’t the single most difficult thing in his life.

“And I was in love with you. Yet here we are. I am doing what we said we’d do. It was you who said we could reshape the world, that it was our birthright.”

“But not like this. This was never what I wanted.”

Gellert chuckled. A mixture of cold fury and fond amusement. “It is very much like you to want to break our vow and tell me what to do.”

“If you did what I wanted you to do I would never ask you to break the pact.”

“Tell me, what do you want me to do, Albus?”

He swallowed. “I want you to stop riling up the masses. Stop causing so many deaths. Stop starting a war. Stop and -,” his voice broke and became quiet. “Gellert, if you were ever in love with me then you know perfectly well what I imagined - what we planned.”

Gellert studied him for a long time and it took and it took everything in him to hold his gaze. When Gellert spoke next his voice was low and heavy.

“If you remembered, Albus, who proposed the pact you would not say such a thing. Do you remember?”

Naturally, he did.

The water was running steadily down the stream on the outskirts of Godric’s Hollow. It glistened crystal in the summer sun and trickled along the riverbank, the colorful meadow and the old willow tree. It was their favorite spot - where the mill, the stream and the willow met on the seam between village and forest.

They met right before dusk could take over, while it was still so warm that Albus had opened his waistcoat and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and Gellert had discarded any regard for clothing customs and had shed all but his trousers and half-buttoned shirt. He had his feet dangling in the cool stream, his head cushioned on his arms, his pretty face calm and content in a way it rarely ever was.

Albus could imagine him like this by the pillars of Hercules, on the bank of the Skamandros, on a ship on the Nile.

Gellert had the gift of sight but whenever Albus imagined his future, he could only see Gellert by his side as certainly as if Fate herself had placed him there.

He ran his fingertips along Gellert’s exposed collarbones and smiled at him, when he opened his eyes at the touch.

Gellert returned his smile. He reached up and gently twirled a strand of Albus’s hair around his finger, holding it up against the sun, eyeing it intently.

“Sit up,” he said, suddenly and sit up they did.

“Are you all right?” Albus asked, when Gellert took his hands almost solemnly.

“Yes. Listen, I’ve been thinking - “ He took a deep breath. Albus frowned. Gellert was a master of words, he didn’t stumble upon sentences like this very often. “I’ve told you about my visions, I know that it is not always going be easy. A revolution will take time and sacrifice and I know I can only do it with you by my side.”

Albus’s heart fluttered and he squeezed his hands. “It is you, who makes me feel free, my dear. We are the most powerful wizards on this earth, we can do anything when we’re together.”

“Anything but live openly - for now, at least.”

“Not forever.”

“No. I know that you are my only equal, Albus, my twin soul, my better half. I know that I will spend my life with you. I know this bond and I know no spell and no ridiculous law could ever alter it but I want to swear it to you, anyway.” When their eyes met there was a glimmer in Gellert’s that somehow was both determined and insecure. “I want my blood to know yours, I want to have my magic woven with yours, I want Fate to know that it is us.”

“Gellert…?”

“There are many oaths they won’t let us take, but as you said, we can do anything. Please, would you make a blood pact with me?”

Albus’s face slowly spread into a ridiculous grin. His insides were melting and he doubted his body would be able to hold all the incredible beautiful feelings Gellert’s words had placed there. He wanted to scream with happiness, speak it into the universe itself, devour Gellert on the spot - but he merely found himself nodding.

“Yes. Of course, yes!” Laughter bubbled up inside of him, because Merlin, did Gellert really think for one second that he could refuse, when he could imagine nothing more perfect than seal their bond with magic.

“I do,” he said, “where did all that go?” His own voice was barely above a whisper now.

Gellert shook his head ever so slightly. “You tell me, Albus. You tell me.”

#grindeldore #albus dumbledore #gellert grindelwald #fb #hp #nicolas fantastic fanfiction #tsod #secrets of dumbledore

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